#adhd however keeps taking the wheel

[aufi-creative-mind]

[BotW/TotK Family and Legacy] - Ghost dad and son adventures in the Depths!

This is a little fun idea I had in mind while playing TotK as well as comic practice! For a bit of background, Link met his Dad's spirit in the Depths. His Dad (Jun) wanted to see his son again after striking a bargain with the Bargainer and goes on a mini-adventure in the Depths. Jun also sees his wife (Selene) through his son, especially now that Link's a young adult.

There's a lot more unspoken context for this but that's a Tedtalk for another day....hopefully. I built up so much of this family during the four years of waiting until TotK's release...

[theolivetree123]

◇ Yuuki's Intro ◇

More info below!

◇ Basic Info ◇

Age: 18 years old

Height: 170cm

Birthday: June 4th

Sexuality: Demiromantic, Asexual, Pansexual, Non-Binary

Nicknames: YuYu (Yumei and Hana), Henchman (Grim), Shrimpy (Floyd)

Dominant Hand: Left

Dorm: Ramshackle

Grade: 1st Year

Favorite Food: Ramen

Least Favorite Food: Toast

Likes: Video games, silence, cats, the smell of pastries, knives

Dislikes: Darkness, being alone, sudden loud noises, knives

Best Subject: N/A

Club: Art Club

Hobbies: Drawing, painting, playing video games

Homeland: Japan in the mid-2000s

Family: unnamed mother, father, sister and brother

◇ Before NRC ◇

Warning for mention of attempted suicide and bullying !!

Yuuki had no friends in their old school. There, they would be either ignored or harassed by their classmates due to their odd interests, leading to Yuuki becoming shy and reserved. It didn't help that Yuuki couldn't find comfort in their family, either, as their mother would excuse Yuuki's bullying to just be “their way of thinking” and tell them to ignore them, their siblings would call Yuuki “weird” and even “crazy” due to their liking of knives and horror media, and their dad was almost never home, always working long shifts.

All of this stress over years upon years finally pushed Yuuki over the edge, and on one cold, December night, Yuuki attempted to end their life. After stealing a knife from the kitchen, Yuuki made their way to the middle of the woods, not wanting anyone to see them as they took their life. As they stabbed themselves in the stomach, a black carriage sped towards them, and Yuuki fell unconscious.

The next thing they knew, they fell out of a coffin, feeling strangely fine. No stab wound or anything. Yuuki quickly fled the room, panicking about where they were. And as they fled the building, they looked up at the campus before them.

“Where the hell am I?!?”

◇ Relationships ◇

Grim & Ramshackle Ghosts: Yuuki and the residents of Ramshackle's relationship are very similar to how it is in twst canon, though Yuuki is still a bit frightened by the ghosts. Grim often has to rope Yuuki in with him when he wants to do something, as Yuuki is extremely cautious about almost everything.

Hana: As (technically) vice housewarden of Ramshackle, Yuuki respects Hana and treats her well. Yuuki sees Hana as somewhat of a mother figure, as Hana is older and wiser than them and tends to keep Grim and Yumei out of trouble.

Yumei: Yuuki doesn't like Yumei that much, as she's very outgoing and bubbly. Though Yumei tries to get along with Yuuki, sometimes they just don't click. However, Yuuki still appreciates Yumei and sees her as a sister.

Ace & Deuce: Yuuki appreciates Ace and Deuce due to them being able to push Yuuki out of their comfort zone and being their first friends. Though, Yuuki sometimes feels like a third wheel, always taking a backseat while Ace and Deuce bicker.

Idia: Being the one who supplies and plays video games with Yuuki, Idia is one of Yuuki's best friends. They always get along, even having sleepovers sometimes specifically to play video games. Yuuki feels seen when talking to Idia, as they were mocked for liking video games and anime.

Vil: As one of the people to help him overcome his overblot, Yuuki is quite dear to Vil. Even though they don't have much in common, the two still talk and hang out sometimes. Yuuki still feels somewhat strange about Vil being friends with them since he's such a popular figure, but Vill assures Yuuki that they can still be friends no matter how popular he is. While Yuuki only sees a friendship, Vil seems to want something more. Though Vil acts casual around Yuuki, he still has a tiny crush on them.

◇ Relationship Charts ◇

With some of my mutual's OCs !

◇ Gallery ���

◇ Miscellaneous Facts ◇

Yuuki has Autism and ADHD

Yuuki doesn't like being around knives

When Yuuki feels sad, they sometimes paint on the walls of Ramshackle

Yuuki covers up their self-harm scars regularly. Only Grim and the Ramshackle ghosts have seen them

[s3cr3tjuic3]

buddie agere headcanons :P

Buck!

-Buck is a flip but majorly leans towards regressing. he started involuntary regressing sometime after the fire engine accident but he always put it off and pretended he was fine. he thought it was some kind of flashback because he would often get scared and jumpy. it wasnt until Chim caught him having a panic attack in the bunks that he found out he was regressing. Chim had been noticing some signs in Buck but didnt press him about it because he assumed he knew. he in fact, did not.

-after Chim helps him calm down and find a name for whats been happening to him, Buck tells Eddie and Maddie since they are the closest and they both take turns babysitting him.

-Eddie is Buck's main caregiver, although Buck can be very independent since thats how he grew up when he was physically little. Eddie and Maddie have to teach Buck that they will give him affection no matter what and he doesn't need to hurt himself for their attention.

-its not uncommon for Buck to be sad when he regresses and sometimes he will try to spend a lot of time in bed when he's at his loft or in the bunks at the station. Eddie has to coerce him from the bed to somewhere sunny. Little!Buck cries a lot but Eddie is always up for some cuddles to make him feel better.

-On the other hand, when Buck is in a good mood, he is pure ADHD. he will either run circles around the station or he'll talk your ear off about natural disasters. Bobby keeps a basket of kid's books in the lounge area for Buck to read which turns into Buck sitting cuddled up to someone telling them all the facts about volcanoes he knows from watching documentaries (Eddie and Bobby are his usual victims).

-Buck isnt very big on little gear but Eddie has the occasional paci in case Buck has a very bad day and regresses to a smaller than usual age.

-however he LOVES toys, he has a giant toybox in his loft full of fire trucks, police cars, and hot wheels (Maddie banned Buck-sized skateboard but did gift him some Tech Decks). He also loves plushies, especially jellycat plushies. Chim gifted buck a net to hold his plushies.

-despite how hyperactive Buck his, he's very well behaved and has a reward system with Eddie to encourage him to behave. Eddie has sticker charts and depending on how well Buck behaves, he gets rewards anywhere from candy to small gifts.

Eddie!

-Eddie is also a flip but doesn't have a specific lean towards being a caregiver or a regressor. Obviously Eddie loves taking care of kids, he loves his son more than anything but even he will admit that he grew up way too early. His regression is more voluntary, but not always. His regression became more involuntary after he changed his will. He's tried his best to hide his regression from Chris (he knows, he understands). At first, only Carla knows and helps him learn about it and get gear. but eventually, after Buck reveals to the 118 that he's an age regressor, Eddie tells Buck that he's an age regressor too and they take care of each other. or sometimes have Maddie and Chim watch them.

-Eddie's regression is very soft, he's not as hyper unless he's around Little!Buck, he just prefers curling up with someone and watching movies or cartoons. He regresses pretty young and really likes using little gear, which Buck is very happy to give him

-Since Eddie's regression is mostly him just wanting physical affection, he doesnt misbehave much so he doesnt need a reward chart (though he still loves gifts).

-He loooooves fluffy things. Blankets, plushie, soft rattles, loves them. When he regresses at Buck's loft, he always has a blanket around his shoulders.

-Buck is Little!Eddie's favorite person and follows him around everywhere. Everybody calls Eddie 'Duckling' when he regresses. Chim starts buying him rubber ducks and placing them on his bunk in the firehouse. Hen buys him a duck plushie that he keeps at the firehouse and carries with him when Buck isn't on shift with him. His name is Mr. Quackers.

-Eddie is also a sensitive little and cries very easily. He's very emotional. He's not the best at hiding it and it often gets him benched if he regresses while on the job. That also makes him sad. But Buck spends every other moment with him if theyre not on a call.

-Overall, Buck and Eddie are well loved and anyone from the 118 is willing to look after them if they can. Bobby and Athena especially love looking after them.

[the-autistic-agoraphobe]

Bluey is a very popular TV show with many people both young and old who watch and enjoy the show. There are four episodes of Bluey I wish to talk about and how these episodes represent disability. The four episodes are Army, Muffin Cone, Turtle Boy and Surprise. I feel like these four episodes atleast display a metaphor for disability. Overall I love seeing disabled characters on TV and I think Blueys representation is great. Warning there may be some spoilers if you haven't seen these episodes yet.

The episode Army features a character named Jack who is a Jack Russell and is experiencing his first day at a new school. Even though ADHD isn't mentioned in the episode the viewer can easily recognise that Jack has ADHD as at the beginning of the episode Jack has trouble sitting still and needs to fidget. Jack also forgets his hat. Having trouble sitting still and forgetting things are both common traits of ADHD. Jacks self confidence is low because of what he struggles to do at the start of the episode than he meets Rusty who's another student at the school. Rusty and Jack play a pretend game where they both pretend to be soldiers in the army. Jack enjoys the game and his confidence is restored as he plays the game well. I am definitely not an expert on ADHD but I believe Jack was expierencing hyper focus when he was playing with Rusty. Hyper focus is when a person with ADHD is really focused on one thing that interests them for a while. Seeing this episode made me feel happy that Jack got his confidence back and focused on the way he can do things that he excelled in. I have read that people with ADHD felt like they could really relate to Jacks story.

The episode Muffin Cone doesn't feature any Disabled characters that I know of however I feel like the fact that Muffin wears a cone and can't do some things is a metaphor for disability. In the episode Bluey and Bingos cousin Muffin has to wear a cone around her neck because she keeps sucking her thumb. The girls try to play sandwich shop but the game doesn't quite work out for Muffin as her cone keeps getting in the way. Bluey and Bingo go to play without Muffin which leaves her feeling sad and left out. Bluey and Bingos mum suggests to her daughters that they can play a different game that Muffin can play. The girls play games that Muffin is able to play with her cone and have lots of fun. This episode struck a cord with me as I can't do some things because of my disabilities and sometimes I feel sad and frustrated that I can't do those things but than I remind myself to focus on the things that I can do. I am still a fun person to be around if people focus on what I can do and accept that I cant do some things. I feel like Muffin, Bluey and Bingo were all much happier when they focused on what Muffin can do while wearing the cone.

Turtle Boy is one of my favourite episodes of Bluey because it features Auslan (Australian Sign Language) which is a language that I am learning and that I enjoy learning. There is a toy turtle that is left behind at the park and at separate times Bingo and Dougie play with the turtle. They both ask their parent if they can take the turtle home. Dougie is Deaf and communicates with his mum using Auslan while Bingo is hearing and communicates with her father using English. It's good to compare both languages and shows how kids are very much alike whether they are Disabled or not. As an Auslan learner I like watching this episode to see how the language is used. Ludo Studios did a great job at learning how to animate the signs from the Deaf community.

The last episode I am going to talk about is Surprise. This episode is great for disability representation as it features a wheel chair race on the TV. The commentator for the wheel chair race is voiced by Kurt Fearnley who is a wheel chair racer himself. He has won gold for Australia at the Paraolympic games. The episode also features a character that resembles Kurt on the TV. Bandit who is Bluey and Bingos dad is really keen to watch the race. However the girls have other plans. Bingo plays a game where she has "babies" which are tennis balls in stubby holders. One stubby holder is bigger than the others and sometimes the tennis ball that resembles the head falls out. Bingo names this baby "Finucane". Bingo says that Finucane needs to go to hospital because of his head falling off and Bandit goes in sees Finucane in the pretend hospital. Bandit talks to Finucane and explains to them what's going on with their head but says that they will be okay with support from their family. I feel like this may resonate with some disabled viewers as Finucane struggles with their disability with their head while other disabled folk may struggle with other things. With support and accommodations many disabled people can thrive.

Overall I think the disability representation in Bluey is done beautifully and I look forward to seeing more disability representation in future episodes. Maybe one day there will be an Autistic character. Thank you for reading this article.

Image Description:

There is a Bluey toy that is standing up. Bluey is a blue dog. There is test on the picture that says "disability representation in Bluey." There are four different symbols around Bluey. The first symbol is a blue with with a white shape resembling a person sitting in a wheelchair in it. The second symbol is a rainbow infinity symbol that represents neurodiversity. The third symbol is a yellow hand signing "I Love You" the hand is in a fist with the thumb, index finger and pinky out. There is a pink heart near the thumb. The fourth symbol is a sunflower that represents hidden disabilities. End Description.

[vidcurious]

Not really a Sims focused post but somehow this niche blog has more followers than my main lmao

I can't sleep and I'm thinking about how my hyperfixations changed since I started taking ADHD meds around a year? ago. And just, hyperfixations in general.

I've had hyperfixations since as long as I can remember, long before I even knew what they were or that there was even a word for it. Even as a kid I would get so fixated on something that I'd spend all my free time analyzing it, writing fanfics, scouring the internet in the glory days of AOL and Geocities/Angelfire/etc fan sites, making fanart and trying to surround myself with it as much as I could. Things I love would (and still do) seep their way into my own characters and stories in the form of inspiration or references.

I have a huge love/hate relationship with hyperfixations. I love having them because I'm just generally passionate about things I love and that goes into OVERDRIVE when a hyperfixations hits. I love having something that occupies my mind and gives me that rush of inspiration and adrenaline, especially when I'm able to draw or write about it. However, throughout my life it's always been seen as a negative thing to people in my life. Having people say "is this your obsession of the week" or implying that once I'm "over it" I won't like the thing and I'll move on to something else.

Which brings me to the other reason I hate hyperfixations. I hate the guilt and feeling of abandonment? when I feel it start to fade, or when I feel myself being drawn to something else. I hate the lingering worry that people won't think I'm a "real fan." I'm sure these feelings are due to people making me feel self-conscious about it throughout my life, and it's still something I struggle with.

It's so rare for me to permanently lose an interest. When a hyperfixation goes dormant it doesn't mean I love the thing any less. I've realized that, nowadays, I try to keep my hyperfixations to myself (mostly IRL) and not make it obvious what I'm currently focused on. I find myself feeling nervous and mildly ashamed to share my hyperfixations with people close to me IRL. And it frustrates me that I feel that way.

I suffer quite a lot from imposter syndrome and rejection sensitivity so I'm sure that plays a big part.

But on to how my meds affected my hyperfixations. When I first got diagnosed with ADHD and meds were discussed I was so afraid I would lose my ability to hyperfixate on things. It's always been that I fixate on something, it lasts generally from a month to three months until my focus shifts to something else. I've never really been able to hyperfixate on more than one thing. But since I started taking meds I find I not only can hyperfixate on more than one thing at a time, but they're lasting so much longer. It's like they're not going dormant like they used to. There's a period where the focus and obsession is at its peak and then it dwindles down but still sticks around while something else takes focus. And where a hyperfixation would normally last three months or so, now they're just... There. I've been focused on The Sims and Jem and the Holograms since I started taking meds, and they occupy my mind all day on rotation alongside more recent hyperfixations like AMC's Hell On Wheels and my own characters. If I had a single micron of free time in my life right now I guarantee every second of it would be spent doing fanart or fanfics lol.

ANYWAY it's past 5am and my eyes are sizzling out of my head. Thank you for coming to my insomnia ramble.

[once-and-future-alaskan]

Hey, you know that post I made about not being plural?

Yeah, I'm still not plural.

I have however made the conclusion slightly less accurate since I've realized a more useful framework in viewing myself, specifically in regards to the distinction between Taka and Alaskan. Read More again for politeness sake.

Basically, Taka is who I'm trying to stop being, and Alaskan is who I'm striving to become. In a way, this has always been the case as the decision to renounce the Taka alias and take up Alaskan was in large part an attempt at a fresh start.

Arguably, even Scott and Nic'o were just the first version of this dichotomy. Though, that was more an emotional version. Nic'o was an active effort to become kinder and more empathetic that I'd call very successful, though did lead to the opposite extreme and created Taka.

The exact origins of where the Alaska name came from for me aren't important here. All you need to know is that it held a special significance as an ideal to strive for.

Currently, i am somewhere between the two and likely always will be.

Taka, in my mind, is a lot of my neurosis and self-destructive behaviors. My social anxiety, weird aversion to showing my arms or legs, even the behavior that may or may not be ADHD. To her credit, she also is definitely where my weekly manic creative fits come from that lead me to have so many gd OCs and stories. In regards to creative projects, she is the part of me that has the manic need to see a given part through at all costs for better or worse.

Alaskan is the adult. Alaskan is making appointments and keeping us employed. Alaskan is the one who recognizes a self destructive though spiral starting and attempts to stop it and find an alternative task or thought pattern. Alaskan is the one that forces us to actually draw or write instead of just fantasizing about it. Alaskan, if realized the way I envision her, would be drawing and/or writing damn near every day and be halfway to moved by now.

I realize this reads like the whole left brain/right brain thing, but mainly, I've just struggled to articulate it effectively. Neither of them really "exists" as entities controlling my head or separate personalities.

I can tell you there is often more Taka in me than Alaskan, Alaskan tires easy and just reaches the "just get it done" stage much faster and tends to relent """control""" faster. Taka gets the wheel and holds onto it until it becomes a problem, Alaskan has the helm and lets go once things are "fine." I didn't start actually self harming, rare as that still is for me, until Alaskan started coming into her own-

So it may be inaccurate to say...hmm.

Idk what I'm saying.

I guess the point here is it's wrong to say Alaskan is me. I am me. Clear as mud?

[aeide-thea]

i keep, like, rolling my eyes at my own gender pretensions, like, 'okay, if in practice all this is about is, like, pronouns and unfeminine clothing and wrinkling my nose at having tits &c &c but not actually pursuing not having them—'

[at this point i do need to cut in to observe that like. in practice there's nothing i'm actually pursuing, so like. either you could conclude there's nothing that matters to me, in which case there's probably something deeper going on with my psyche because people do in fact generally care about things, or you could conclude that whether i'm taking action on something doesn't actually tell you whether it matters to me, because there's probably something deeper going on with my psyche (i mean, adhd/executive dysfunction, but also). but like. not really fair to be like 'well if any of this were true or meaningful you'd have moved on it and it would be more externally visible,' for the reasons i just laid out and others besides! however i do say that to myself on the reg nonetheless because. something deeper &c.]

'—then why turn up my nose at unfeminine women's clothing, which in general is likelier to be cut for my height (if not necessarily for my shoulders or current waist-hip ratio), if the real point is just to be utilitarian about things?' and having said this to myself, very sternly and very sensibly, i go off to windowshop women's clothing, and maybe even try a piece or two of it on if i'm looking in person, at which point my whole sensible dialogue with myself is instantly punctured by the inexplicable but inescapable reality that: i can't bear it!! i just Can't. it's just deeply Wrong for me in a way that i can't wholly articulate but also can't abide, even as i feel totally baffled and self-mocking about the fact that i can't.

this of course doesn't translate into arriving at, or even entirely knowing, what it is i do want to be or look like! most of the time i don't feel happily or successfully Represented by the various non-outfits i throw together! and it's not clear to me that trying to go more full-on masc would be an improvement necessarily, because i strongly suspect i'd then just feel like a gender failure in the other direction—very possible that no presentation strategy exists that would get me out of that feeling, and that i just have to accept i've got, like, dysphoria tinnitus. also i kind of feel like this is a problem i was supposed to have sorted in the previous decade of my life so i could be moving on to the next set of Properly Adult Problems—

[much 2 unpack and discard there but. the unendorsed feeling remains.]

—and yet i'm still stuck in the mud here in identityville spinning my wheels with no signs of meaningful progress! but. please god-i-don't-believe-in can we at least get the constant 'well if you aren't gonna Commit you might as well just subside back into Basically Female for All Practical Purposes like a good little girl' feeling to fuck all the way off for good or at least for a solid while, because like, even if it doesn't feel sufficiently ~justified~ to my cisnormatively-conditioned psyche, the clear, empirical takeaway from any number of experiments in the past few years is that continuing to try and conceptualize women's clothing as a possibility for me is a form of self-harm, even if it's thoroughly unfeminine and/or totally cool in the abstract!

[copperbadge]

vascarl

Very interested in hearing more about enforced idleness.

All right, let’s talk about rest, stress, guilt, kink, and religion! :D

We’re going to need to start with submission, so bear with me. 

A little context: I am not truly in the kink community but I spent several years as a submissive friend’s chaperone/muscle, and I have a lot of friends who are specifically into D/s. Because it’s not really my thing but I was immersed in it, I spent time puzzling out what made a person want to dominate or submit, and particularly what was attractive about submission, which on the surface didn’t seem super pleasant to me at first. 

Before we go any further, let’s acknowledge that there are a wide range of reasons people get into kink in general and submission in particular, so I am not speaking about all submissives here. I am speaking only about one common reason people are attracted to submission. 

A common reason for submission is the relief that can be gained from giving up control. In this form, the submissive consciously cedes control to someone else, which relieves them of a stressful mental load: they have no decisions to make, they have no responsibilities except very specific and clear ones they are given, and generally if they do have tasks they are very clear-cut and achievable, rewarded with praise. (I elaborate on this somewhat in some of my fic, particularly If I Don’t Wake Up Dead and later parts of Exquisite, although it also crops up significantly if non-sexually in Fete For A King).

Often, submissives who benefit from this situation come from backgrounds of power, where they are tasked with a lot of decision making or responsibility; sometimes they’re simply anxious people who struggle to stop worrying about things on their own. Being able to give that up for a period of time can be attractive, but may also require a significant amount of work to get into that headspace, which is where a Dom comes in. There needs to be another person one trusts to take that burden and keep it and give it back when appropriate. 

However -- particularly if you aren’t interested in sexual or even physical activity linked to submission, and if you’re willing to put in a bit of work, it is possible to relinquish not only responsibility, but the stress and guilt associated with relinquishing responsibility, for a period of time, on one’s own. When I offhandedly mentioned “enforced idleness” (which is not a great term for it), that’s what I was talking about. 

Sometimes at this point in my little TEDtalk people are like “I don’t really follow” so here’s a quickie sidebar: If you have ever heard the slogans “One day at a time” or “Let go and let God” or even “Jesus take the wheel”, that’s this form of submission. There are a lot of religious groups (mainly Christian in my experience but by no means confined to Christianity) which offer submission to a deity as a meaningful form of relief from the stress of life. I mention this because I find many people who don’t understand submission in a kink sense understand it fine in a religion sense. The relief you feel when you place something you’re worried about at the feet of some other power than your own, however temporarily, knowing that this other power will hold it for you so you don’t have to...that’s submission. 

(And for religious folks who are feeling super uncomfortable about seeing themselves in what I just said, I’m not trying to say you’ve got a kink for God or anything, what you’re doing is fine and normal and a perfectly reasonable expression of faith. I’m just saying, this all comes from the same place in the weird human hindbrain, and we talk a lot more openly about religion than we do about kink.)

In any case, as someone who isn’t kinky or religious I still found a way to employ this technique in my life. I’m in a fairly self-driven job and I live alone -- and, as it turns out, I have ADHD, which adds a layer of stress and cognitive load to my life. So I found it useful, if difficult at first, to be able to take time away from Doing Tasks and also from the guilt that I’m Not Doing Tasks. Because I’m not really all that great at trusting people in general, I’ve always been a bit on my own when it came to managing it, so I improvised and learned tricks and techniques. 

I used to love to travel by train because until recently (and definitely prior to smartphones) most Amtrak trains didn’t have internet, meaning that I was severely limited in the amount of work I could do even if I enjoyed it. I could write, if I brought my laptop, but couldn’t research, answer email, participate in social media, etc. If I wanted, I could just stare out the window for hours, at peace with the world because it was not currently my job to be doing anything in the world other than existing. 

Sometimes I set an alarm (so I don’t even have to worry about watching a clock) and mentally log off for a bit if I'm feeling super stressed, basically giving myself permission not to do anything -- not to expect anything of myself -- for a short period of time. This sounds a bit like meditation but is not meditation as we commonly think of it; I'm not focused on inner anything or counting breathing or being still or “succeeding” at something that it turns out I’m actually very bad at (I have a real problem with meditative techniques that begin with sitting upright because I find it very uncomfortable physically). It’s just a period of time where I do what pleased me, and only what pleased me, forbidden from doing anything else. 

Eventually I reached a point where I could do something like take a “sick day” and drop myself into that space for a whole day without needing to be physically cut off from reality. I spend the day in bed or on the sofa, reminding myself whenever I get restless that I am “sick” and unable to work, fulfill obligations, clean house, or run errands. Again, I'm not usually doing nothing; I’m playing games or scrolling tumblr or reading a book I want to read or watching a movie I want to watch, but it has to be something I do not feel compelled to do out of guilt or responsibility (I can scroll tumblr but I have permission not to engage with any of it, etc). I’m not watching movies I’ve told people I'll watch; I’m watching, like, Desk Set for the 300th time. 

Coming out of that mental space can be difficult, but generally speaking I also come back refreshed and better for it. It takes practice and it’s not for everyone, but if it seems appealing or if it feels like something you already do unconsciously, being conscious and deliberate about it can be very helpful in relieving stress and providing comfort. 

[casnextdoor]

A/N— soooo i know and they were roommates is unfinished but ive got crippling adhd so im gonna post one of my good ole nameless smutty oneshots. pls keep in my mind, the entire time i was righting this, i imagined cha eunwoo….

Warnings— Smut. like the most ive ever written for public consumption, jealousy, name calling, reader is sus asf, itty bit of angst, not beta-ed, this is a couple months old, minors DNI

Word Count— 2.5k

Song recommendation— OHMAMI by Chase Atlantic; Burn it by Agust D; Jealou$y by The Neighbourhood; Okay by Chase Atlantic;

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rain beat down on the hood and windshield of the bass-laden car. You could barely hear your thought over the revving of the — frankly annoying — sports car you’d angrily nestled yourself into five minutes prior.

His hand gripped the wheel like it was his lifeline and his jaw was clenched into a tight square. In a different situation, your hands would be roaming with how, for lack of better words, hot he looked. But tonight wouldn’t be one of those nights.

Not when he’d caused such a big scene at a party he’d dragged you to. You’d been perfectly content, wrapped in your Hogwarts fuzzy blanket on the couch, watching reruns of The Office.

It’d been him showing up to your house clad in cracked leather and tight fitting jeans that had you jumping into the first clubbing dress you could find in your mess of a closet and plopping happily into the passenger seat of his car.

Neither of you, however, foresaw the amount of alcohol you’d drink or the way you sought comfort from the first pair of arms that’d wrapped themselves around you. In hindsight, you really did fuck up, but his reaction wasn’t nearly as necessary as he thought it to be. He’d angrily bulldozed his way through the crowd to get to you, snatching your arm into an aggressive hold and seething equally as raged into your ear.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” It was harsh and bitter coming from a mouth that only ever whispers sweet nothings to you in such close proximity. Probably coaxing you off the edge while you were wrapped so delicately in his sheets.

“Having fun. Could you loosen your fucking grip, dude?” His eyes widened and rage was more present than ever.

“Fun? You call this… this slutty behavior, fun? Get a fucking grip. We’re leaving.” And then he was dragging you out of the superficially large home and gently shoving you in the direction of the car.

All of this, leading to the present moment, both of you silently heated on your respective ends of the car. The silence on his end was what was making you upset the most and it didn’t take long for you to make a passive aggressive statement as a silent ploy to get him to say something.

“What a fucking joke.” It was all you could muster when you could quite literally feel the heat emanating off of him. It was uniquely you, though. You’d credit that to the wits of your mother.

He intakes a sharp breath and tightens his hands even tighter around the wheel. With the open silence you’d figured he’d ignore the quip and had another half-assed quip on the tip of your tongue when the car suddenly swerved off the road to the right and jerked to a hard stop.

He turned to you and his anger was more visible now. His face was a dark shade of red and his lips were pulled up into a snarl over his straight, gleaming teeth. All of it brought to a sinister package tied off with a scary bow by his dark eyebrows, furrowed under the fringe of his hair that’d slowly started to grow in wavy strands and now covered the majority of his eyes— which were squinted mockingly.

“‘A fucking joke’? That's all you have to say about the shit you pulled tonight? You want a fucking reaction? You got one.” And in an instant, his long, slender fingers are wrapped around the base of your neck all the way around to the nape. He jerked you forward until you were nose to nose and you could feel the harsh breath blow against the top of your lip. He smelled of liquor and his normal warm, earthy, wood smell that’d you grown to love so much.

You weren’t the only one intune with your lover. He could feel the subtle hitch in your breath and the way your pulse thrummed aggressively under his fingers. He watches as your eyes flutter close before blinking open and meeting his gaze head on. Your eyes were soft and you slowly went slack in his hold. He’s gotten you right where he wants you and his lips curl up into a cheshire grin at the thought.

His lips skimmed over yours as he spoke his next words.

“You belong to me. You want to go flaunting what you have between your legs like some bitch in heat, but you’re mine,” He watched as your eyes closed again and you let out the softest whimper he’d ever heard from you.

“Do you understand me?” He squeezes again and watches the way your eyelids flutter when your eyes roll back. When he doesn’t receive a response, he playfully nips at your bottom lip, licking his tongue across the bite apologetically when you moan.

“I said, do you understand me?” You hum in agreement and jerk forward a bit in his grasp, chasing after his lips.

Unfortunately for you, that wasn’t the response he was looking for, and just when you were sinking into the feeling of completely drowning in him, he pulled away completely, and you feel the rumbling of the car purring to life, once again.

“I guess you forgot how to use your words.” His condescending draw sends shockwaves through your body, bringing you back to the present moment while simultaneously making you aware of the way you kept throwing yourself at him like you weren’t just purposefully trying to piss him off fifteen minutes prior. But the steady heartbeat between your legs and the aching need to hand yourself over to him and let him do as he pleases with you was too much for even someone as prideful as you to bare.

So before he shifts the gear stick, you grasp his wrist in a solid grip and you mumble exactly what he wanted to hear. “I understand…” He smirks, turns the key in the ignition before snatching it out and sending you a sideways glance.

He reached his hand on the side of his seat and watched as your face morphed from confusion to pure desire as he reclined his seat and lowered it.

“I didn’t hear you, pretty girl. Wanna repeat that for me?” He moved his hand from under yours and used the leverage of your lowered guard to manhandle you across the center console and into his lap.

You stable yourself with your hands on his chest, but your focus was completely on the way his mouth twisted and curved with every word he spoke.

“I understand.” He prides himself in the fucked out look on your face and he hadn’t so much as glanced at the pussy he’s so rightfully claimed as his.

“Good girl. Always so good for me, yeah? With the exception of tonight of course,” He laces his fingers in between yours and lands them gently in his lap as he regards you with a fake look of thoughtfulness. He pulls a faux look of sudden genius before he plasters on the fakest sweet smile he had in him. “I think you owe me an apology, beautiful.”

You nod dumbly at him, waiting for him to give his first command of the night. In the state you were in, you’d be willing to jump if he asked the only question you’d pose is ‘how high’.

“How about…” He dramatically taps his finger on his chin thoughtfully before pinning you with a dangerous look. “… you take those pretty little panties off and show me what’s mine?” You were quick to follow his command, reaching under your dress and fumble with your underwear until you awkwardly got them down your leg and threw them into the passenger seat, where you were sure you were going to lose them.

He hummed in approval before cooly delivering his next command. “Now lay back on my chest. I want you to watch while I show you why no other man could please you the way I do.” And it was like second nature the way you settled into his lap, back lying comfortably against his chest. You both watched with bated breaths as you spread your legs and he couldn’t help but groan at the sound of the strands of slick formed and snapped the wider your legs got.

“Now do me a favor, baby. Don’t take your eyes off my hands, okay? Can you do that for me?” You hum out an agreement and are quickly met with a sharp slap to your pussy. “Use your words, sweetheart.” He mutters, sinisterly, into your ear. His tongue peaked out and swiped over your earlobe before he continued to pepper kisses all over the back of your neck and the parts of your shoulder the dress exposed. One of his hands stroked the inside of your thigh, just out of reach from where you wanted him, while the other languidly rubbed circles into the skin of your stomach right under your hiked up dress.

You gasp at the sharp pain of the slap— it immediately turned into a moan as he rewarded you with an apologetic rub to your neglected clit.

“I can do it.” You mumble out, lips trembling a little. He was quick to catch that and the way your eyes watered as well.

“Look at you, baby. Already crying and I haven’t even touched you yet.” He chuckled darkly and you had half a mind to wonder if this was affecting him as much as it was you, if it were for the twitch of his cock and the jerking of his hips right under your ass.

He circled his thumb on your clit in slow circles, staring intently at your face. He cursed under his breath at the way your head dropped back on his shoulder and let out a moan he could feel resonating through his whole body.

“Look at that, baby. Look at the mess you're making.” You lift your head to see the mess you’d created on the crotch of his jeans and leather seat of the car. He hadn’t even breeched your weeping pussy but that didn’t stop you from dripping a puddle underneath you.

You groan and raise your hand over your eyes in embarrassment, much to his dismay and his quick to let you know.

“No, No, honey. Put your hands down. Let me see that pretty little face.” Any other time you’d probably aim to wipe the stupid — but handsome — grim off of his face, but the way his hands roamed and his deep chuckle resonated through your whole body like ground rumbling thunder had you burrowing yourself further into his embrace. You dropped your hands from your face and craned your neck to get a good look at his face.

The guy was handsome on a good day and absolutely, panty droppingly sexy on a bad one. You lucked out with this one. You were easily reminded when the hand that was on your stomach slid seductively up your chest, past your neck and gripped your chin.

He softly jerked your head in the direction of the steering wheel. He tsked at you teasingly and bestowed a strategically placed kiss on the back of your neck. “Pay attention, baby. Don’t disobey now.” You could hear the sheer glee in his voice.

His thumb continued its ministrations, only speeding up when you jerked your hips in search of more. He wasn’t going to give you much more of anything until you asked, but he couldn’t really torture you the way he should. Not when you moaned and mewled so prettily the way you were. And it was all just for him.

He watched as you squirmed and arched and he knew just what you needed. He watched your face screw up in utter euphoria as you gasped, begging for more. Your voice was pitched up and you were practically whining but it was music to his ears. The way he could break you down to nothing and build you back up again, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“What is it that you want, honey? Tell me. I can’t give it to you if you don’t tell me.” He slowed his thumb down and listened in utter amusement as you groaned in protest.

“Don’t… don’t stop. Keep going.” Your words were slurring together and your tongue was heavy in your mouth. Your chest was heaving and there wasn’t a single thought in your brain.

“Tell me what you need.” His words were clipped like he was angry but you could feel the weight of his fingers continuing to grip your chin and the grip grew tighter the longer the silence stretched.

You groaned in frustration as his thumb slowed completely to a stop. “I want you. Your fingers. Your cock I want it all. Please.” You begged and wiggled your ass over his dick as a last ditch attempt to convince him.

It didn’t do much but amuse him and harden his cock until it was straining against his jeans. He was composed otherwise and if it weren’t for your fucked out state, you’d be working harder to change that. But you were desperate. Sweat had started to accumulate on your forehead and your legs were beginning to cramp. It was insane the way he could turn you into a shell of yourself in mere minutes.

“Then be still, pretty.” And as if he controlled your every move, you stopped. And his grin was shit eating.

“Good girl.” And just like they’d never left, his fingers were exactly where you needed them. He circled your entrance teasingly before plunging knuckle deep.

His fingers were languid and lazy in their stroke and thumb brushed leisurely against your clit. You gasped for air and easily accommodated the intrusion.

He listened blissfully as you whimpered and groaned quietly. It would be too much like him to continue like this until you clumsily stumbled over the edge. Tonight, however, you would have to work for it.

You preened and arched your back when he quickened his pace. “Feel good, honey?” He muttered sardonically into your ear. But you answered anyway, moaning out a loud yes.

He kept his pace, allowing the palm of his hand to slam against your clit and it wasn’t long before the telltale signs of your approaching release became more and more apparent.

You gripped his wrist and whispered continuously for him to ‘Keep going’ and ‘Don’t stop’. You sounded so pretty and he felt a little bad when he did what he did next.

“You close, baby?” He asked, faux interest dripping from his words like venom. You hummed and responded, too lost in the feeling he induced.

Then, it was all gone. His hand, the feeling of his breath on the nape of your neck, the trance inducing words. All of it. He’d completely withdrawn from you all together.

“Guess you’ll have to wait.” He said, false concern lapping away at his words. “Don’t want to ruin your fun.” He deposited you gently back into your seat and ignored the tears welling up in your eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[ryndicate]

꘏ General ꘏

About

This blog (mainly) creates and also interacts with dark content. I place warnings for all my content, so proceed at your own risk.

we are very very multifandom here. i hyperfixate a lot, and my adhd is sitting proudly at the wheel. whatever character my brain chooses for the day is usually how it goes. characters I write for are linked in my masterlist even if I haven't put anything out for them yet. I add as I go

I’ll be real and say that I frequently dip away from tumblr for a couple days rather often; I have a low social battery that drains even when I’m shitposting to no one in particular. But I love to chat so don’t hesitate to send an ask, I’ll get back to them next time I’m online :)

DNI’s 

My content is not suited nor intended for minors. 18 and up please and thank you. If you don’t have an age marked somewhere visible I will block. “18+” “adult” “legal” etc are not acceptable and will result in a block.

Blank blogs annoy the piss out of me but I'm too lazy to block them all so just have an age listed okay.

do not interact with my content (reblogs especially) if your own blog rules are not 18+. If i see 17+ or similiar, that makes me uncomfortable.

no dc anti’s (if you know how to scroll past, this doesn't include you) hate will be ignored. if you don’t like my content, the stuff i reblog, or the things i say, just block me or unfollow. 

if you ask for part 2s. it’s a rude thing to do in general. 

Rules and Asks

I typically answer all my asks, I don't ignore people so if I'm taking awhile to respond it's either because i havent seen it or I'm thinking on a response. However, if I think an ask is worded in a way that would make others or myself uncomfortable, check my return to sender tag. I'll probably have made a post with a response without directly posting the ask itself.

I do need a listed age to feel comfortable responding! Please no trauma dumping. And I'm awful at writing comfort so pls no "what would Chara do" h/c situation asks 🥲 I'm bad at them. Awful. The result of my attempt would somehow make your day worse. For your own mental health just pls do not lol.

I'm down with being called bb/babes,girl by just about anyone. But bitch/bestie/love are reserved for mutuals and discord friends, those are very important terms of endearment for me and it feels off getting them from people I don't know.

If you send me compliments about my writing we’re valentines. this isn’t even my own rule, this is cosmic law. 

Writing Info

I write every day, but I write and post at my own pace, the pace my irl life allows. If something is listed in my wips, I’m working on it so please don’t demand content from me.

The stuff I write is usually explicit, and even when it’s not has mature, dark, or unsettling natures to it. Not every fic will include these topics but beware they may contain incest, a/b/o, monsterfucking, horror, yandere etc. Here’s a little link to give you an idea on more, listing them can get tedious so i keep it separate and update it as I go.

I don’t do requests (commissions aside) but if you want to tell me your thoughts on a character, or maybe put them in a messy little situation, it might spark something in my mind and a little something might come of it, you never know ;3

what do i not write... hm. scat. vore. the Obvious. Other than that this is a really tough Q bc my mood switches up a lot. Sometimes I go on a single trope spree, other days I will write criminal level fluff in one hour and shiver inducing dark alley shit in the next. I have so much range, please expect me to use it.

[cinemacereal]

people gotta stop romanticizing college man AKA: being both in charge of the narrative and subject to its inclinations is some whimsical horseshit and i do not fuckin abide

aight so im in film school right. and like, people really gotta stop romanticizing college bro. i don't even fuckin know if I actually like the thing I'm going to school for. i chose to be here and every day i wonder if i even like filmmaking, which is ludicrous of course i do.

however, this is far more nuanced a question than just the simple "does this thing make me happy." my whole goddamn career depends upon the far more loaded question of "do this thing make me happy enough i could do it for conceivably the next 50+ years and not prefer to launch myself directly into the sun than get up for work one more day." which is significantly harder to answer.

especially considerin i am in no way ignorant to the fact that im more than certain that future me will look upon current me with the same wallowing acid bath of disgust i hold for past me.

therefore i am in a particularly stupid and unsolvable paradox. If i am to determine that my future lies with the complicated and frustrating art of filmmaking, i need to do some soul searching and finish my character arc. However in order to have said character arc, i need to have,my life pointed in a direction so that the metatextual narrative doesn't crash and burn

i wish i could put my whole life on pause, figure myself out, then go back into it with a newfound sense of purpose. its like my author wrote like,, half of my story and then said "im bored" and left me in the vast expansive wastelands of the tumblr draft section, where all good posts go to die, and never actually got around to figuring out the second half of my epic character arc.

like, it’s so weird to say this but I feel like I’m at that point in my narrative or I’m about to get some serious character development??? my identity is finally coming into being and i have a sense of who i am in the metatextual narrative of this story, or at least the many different versions of myself that simultaneously exist and do not exist within the narrative at any given moment. like, at i am able to hold an internal socratic dialog with the 6 other versions of myself i am consciously aware of, which has to stand for somethin in the ridiculous self examination im doing for you, correct?

but the thing about character development is that you cant exactly have the aforementioned internal socratic dialog of you have fuckin english homework due. so what ends up actually happening is you procrastinate your big enlightenment for a more convenient time in order to keep the trains running on time. because god fucking forbid the train stops and you have an identity crisis. like everything functions fine when you keep the train moving, but if your train is falling apart you cant exactly power through a broken axle.

like oh shit the wheels are falling off and we’re either going to keep moving forward or the train is going to careen off the cliff of mental illness, and then when you DO inevitably crash, you say oh fuck i could never have predicted this. i am irretrievably fucked. except you DID predict this, all the way when your worst situation was a loose screw. but no, nobody takes you seriously until you crash and the whole train car fuckin obliterates itself on the mental illness tree like a small child running face-first into a glass screen door and watching with abject horror as the glass spiders on impact and shatters dramatically, covering the child in the snowflakes of his own grievous error.

i was in a boat where i was honestly doing pretty okay, and my workload is just light enough my ADHD doesn’t ruin my life 24/7 but i have one(1) singular negative thing happen and im all out of whack

plus, it doesn’t help that like,, i suddenly now have all these passions for writing and drawing for my buddies and making shitty jpeg gifs for my blog but i dont have any energy for film?? reader i willingly started this blog, made most of these gifs myself, and wrote out this insane, self-indulgent dialog because i, personally had the passion to do so. (wait can writing self-indulgent rantblogs be a career. because i'd be so good at that dude. i can finally stop ranting in my friends dms at like 3am)

im fuckin terrified 24/7 that i actually dont wanna do film and i wish i had time to figure that out.

like im a rad dude okay.

im one cool motherfucker, and being a cool motherfucker means i have like,,, a Lot of interests and talents that suit me in my role as said cool motherfucker.

in summary, i’m rad as shit.

this is known

the issue though is that my particular interests do not neatly fit themselves together in a way that a career path is easily laid out for me. i am such a jack of all trades that i could theoretically work in almost any department and become successful.

but, since i am only a man, my general quest is self-fulfillment, right? like the whole goddamn point of being on this stupid spinning rock of infinite horseshit is enlightenment. maslow's hierarchy of needs and all that shit.

so how, the fuck, am i supposed to figure out my particular position in life if i can conceivably find a career in like 6 different wildly divergent paths if i don't spend the next ten fuckin years trying each of them on like a little girl figuring out which disney princess halloween costume dress really says “me”

and i thought i was ahead of the game on this front. i had my first midlife crisis when i was 12 goddamnit. I've been staring at my own splintered identity since i started eating fuckin crayons, you'd think i'd have this shit sorted by now. i am a goddamn philosophical stable boy, mucking out the horseshit that is my psychological identity and self-actualization issues, except the horse in question is also in fact me, and he refuses to stop shitting. it is an endless stream of horse shit coated psyche turds, glittering in the beams of sunlight peaking through the wooden walls of the stables in question, which i guess within the context of this metaphor would be my skull.

and to add another layer to the layer cake of horseshit you and i are mucking out and subsequently baking together, our professors act as if on some level we have a full and in-depth understanding of who we are as people enough to like,,, make a fuckin decision about the career that will essentially define the rest of our lives

like, i can barely feed myself and put myself to bed. i am functionally at the same level of self-care as an overgrown infant, and im expected to have any understanding of how i wanna spend my life?

i call bullshit

we’re both intelligent and deeply interesting people, you and i, reader

we’re goddamn genuinely thoughtful and fascinating individuals with a wide variety of interests.

we are, what The Adults would call “well rounded”

and yet we still cannot manage to figure out any of this shit in a way that makes logical sense

and seriously dude, like if they were actually going to prepare us for college i would have appreciated more philosophy on the nature of enlightenment and self-fulfillment, because like yeah i definitely still wouldn’t have figured any of it out, but at least i would know what all the professional question askers up top have to say

or any assistance on the whole “who am i and where do i fit in the world” question?

like surely we could fuckin squeeze that particular topic in between WW2 for the fifth time and analyzing another robert fucking frost poem like motherfucker i don't even understand how basic college shit works, and I'm expected to become the fucking buddha and then also turn in that ten-page paper on whatever the fuck? no, of course not.

we're expected to casually figure out the existential quandary of the universe over gay brunch with the ladies and never fucking touch the topic again. case closed, book shut, the narrative is linear as shit and everyone is pleased, roll credits. like seriously what in the authors cursed name is that about? thats not how people work, author, you cant just expect them to hinge their entire identities off of a paragraph you haphazardly wrote down at 3am!

we need spiritual fulfillment! i need my character to be fleshed out man! i dont care if the author is dead, you get your corpse right back here and explain to me what all this nonsense you conjured up means!

i demand an answer for the existential question of my life's purpose, dammit! as an author it is your responsibility to give the audience a satisfying conclusion, and i, as both a character and audience member am demanding a goddamn explanation! But as both author and character, i am essentially demanding that ouroboros stop eating his own goddamn tail for a minute and explain the transitive property to me, except ouroboros is also me and he doesnt fuckin know what the transitive property is because he hasnt been in 7th grade math class in like 6 years and he is also a fuckin snake.

[mortalfaerie]

Stimulants (S.R)

spencer reid x bau (adhd) reader

word count: 1441

synopsis: reader has inattentive adhd but hasn't brought it up with the team before. after a few on-site assignments that drag into the night, spencer notices the signs of adderall wearing off and asks reader about it.

TW FOR DRUG MENTION AND DISCUSSION

these away assignments could prove to be hellish. it couldn't be helped- the nature of your work meant that you didn't exactly work at normal 9-to-5, and sometimes your team was wracking their mind in a small police station conference room at 2 am on a tuesday, knowing fully well that a killer was still on the loose. generally, you could be relied upon to focused and engaged during cases, providing useful insight or simply making witty banter with your teammates- but inside, you hoped that the case would wrap up timely enough that you wouldn't be blankly staring down into you 4th post-sunset cup of coffee, not taking in a word around you.

however, that's what you were doing at the moment.

"Y/L/N?" you heard Hotch say pointedly.

“Huh?” you snapped out of your haze, embarrassed, and Hotch gave you a sympathetic nod. “I understand, we’re all feeling a little burned out, but we have to focus. The unsub is out there.”

You gave a nod to the table and pursed your lips, then taking a long gulp of coffee.

work, work, work! you chided yourself.

you took your usual dose of adderall around 7 in the morning each day, and you could trust that you’d have a safe 11-12 hours of focus and level-headedness. However, its half-life ran out roughly 7 hours ago, and you were painfully aware of it. you had gotten the short end of the stick mentally, having gotten inattentive adhd as supposed to hyperactive adhd, which most people were familiar with. so, instead of having boundless energy that would have been useful right now, you couldn't stay engaged in the case for longer than 10 minutes at a time, and now your teammates were noticing.

you volunteered to go fetch some back records from the local legal archive next door, needing to clear your head- but with an unsub preying on women alone at night, Spencer was quick to volunteer himself to go with you. you walked mostly in silence to the elevator, but he spoke when the doors closed in front of you.

“Caffeine’s a stimulant.” he stated plainly.

“Uh. Yeah, it is.” you responded, not knowing where he was going with this.

“You know that you probably shouldn't be mixing stimulants.” he added, meeting your gaze in the reflective elevator doors.

you gaped at him for a moment, before loosing a dry laugh. “Are you diagnosing me with addiction, Dr. Reid?”

“Well, no, not precisely. You're evidently dependent on stimulants- I’ll wager that you take them around 7 or 8 each morning before work?”

you just gave a measured nod in response, not in the mood to deny it.

“Ritalin?” he asked, this time meeting your gaze directly.

“Adderall. Prescription, just so we're clear.”

“I figured as much- a normal person on adderall wouldn't have the same decline in ability after the half-life.”

you sighed. “Is it that obvious?” you ask. in the two months since you joined the bau, you had hoped you'd be able to stay on top of late night cases, or that they would be few and far between. as you were learning, the homicidal maniacs of the world didn't obey normal work hours.

he offered you a sympathetic smile. “I don't think anybody else thinks it's anything more than fatigue. I'm just a little more aware of it.” after a pause in which you studied the floor of the elevator, he added “You might consider getting a “bump” pill.”

you looked up and raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you suggesting I do drugs?” you asked, only half sarcastic.

he flushed and backtracked. “Oh, no! I-” and you laughed openly, a good laugh, as the elevator doors opened. You proceeded through the lobby and put into the street with a flustered Dr. Spencer Reid on your heels. catching up to you, he explained, “A “bump” pill is a small amount of a stimulant that diffuses faster than your normal extended release medication, so you get a measured amount of focus for an hour or two after your primary stimulant wears off.”

you nodded, and pulled out your phone to put it on your calendar for your next doctor’s appointment. “Well, thank you, Reid.” you said, tucking your phone back in your pocket. “That would actually be pretty useful.”

clearly satisfied with himself, he gave a quick nod as you continued on to the legal archive. about two minutes had passed in silence before he abruptly said, “Call me Spencer.”

“Hm?” you responded, again forcing your brain to focus.

“Call me Spencer. You keep calling me Dr. Reid or Reid, but you don't have to.” on a more measured breath he added, “My friends call me Spencer.”

at this, you smiled. you had been fond of him since your first day, but were rarely alone to get to know him personally. you could tell the most obvious aspects of his personality and interests that he shared with the team, but all the while, he had apparently deduced that you had adhd and took medication for it by your behavior after hours alone.

“Alright then, Spencer. Then you call me Y/N.” you agreed.

“Y/N.” he said, as though trying out the sound of it.

As you thumbed through files in the archive looking for a specific box of court records, you and Spencer talked more, as he hinted that he knew what it was to be neurodivergent. you had wondered, of course- you were keenly aware of your ability to fixate on things and favor specific sensations over others- you couldn't stand the texture of chalk, and all your blouses were cotton since polyester felt like nails on a chalkboard for you to touch. you had noticed Spencer had similar reservations about things, but they were easily dismissible as him being eccentric.

walking back to the police station, each holding a box of files, he addressed your speculations. “If you wanted to talk about this again, I’d be glad to. I know what it is to have a mind that doesn't run like others do.”

you snorted, and gave you a confused glance. “No, I believe you, Spencer,” you explained. “But it seems to mostly work in your favor.”

he scoffed. “Not always. I have an eidetic memory, but I'd love to be able to read social cues. I'm well aware I can't do that, trust me.”

you smiled. “Well then, I'll trade you social graces for memory. I'd love to actually have a sense of object permanence.”

re-entering the elevator, he laughed. “Then it's a deal, we’ll swap.”

“Fantastic! I've always wanted to know what it's like to be a genius.” you exclaimed on a laugh.

“You don't think you are one?” he asked, more pointedly than you expected.

“I- no? Why would I?” you asked, a little shocked.

“Why wouldn't you?”

“Because I'm impulsive? I can be oblivious to the things right in front of me? Oh, and I have an executive function disorder? That doesn't really sound like Einstein to me.” you listed off, as though it were obvious.

“Impulsive, sure, but you're knowledgeable beyond what anyone would expect. You should see the expressions of the others when you told them the history of the ferris wheel on the last case- you even beat me to it. You see patterns that others don't, and you understand emotions on a level that the others can't imagine, because they've never been in your shoes as a kid with a learning disability.” he countered as the elevator ticked up and up the floors.

“You flatter me.” you said flatly, clearly skeptical.

“No, I'm being honest. You're incredibly intelligent. But if you only ever measure yourself by your perceived shortcomings, you'll never see that for yourself.” he said, matter-of-factly.

As the elevator doors opened again, the two of you were surprised to see the team suiting up in kevlars with Hotch on the phone with the local sheriff.

“Finally!” Prentiss exclaimed. “We’ve got a hit on the unsub, Morgan and I are heading over now- Hotch and local law enforcement are meeting us on-scene. Go put the boxes in the conference room and get back here.”

“Uh- of course!” you said, and you and Spencer exchanged a bewildered look as you rushed to go put the files away.

The clock back in the conference room told you it was closing in on 3 am. You huffed an exasperated sigh. “Does evil ever consider a good night’s rest might be pretty fulfilling?” you asked rhetorically.

“No.” Spencer said, setting down his box. “No, it never seems to do.”

[moogieandadhd]

the only thing i can control. - A Personal Note on ADHD and a Common Comorbidity: Eating Disorders

potentially triggering content ahead. please proceed with caution.

when it comes to ADHD, we fall into many statistical shortcomings. the divorce rate is nearly twice as high for us. having ADHD can make you 5 to 10 times more likely to develop alcoholism and addiction. we are more likely to get into debt and make late payments. most of this has to do with the constant chase of dopamine, and acting on many impulses. so, with all of the odds stacked against us, it's not uncommon for those with ADHD to seek for things they can actually control. unfortunately, one of those is developing an eating disorder.

many people with ADHD already have poor eating habits. executive dysfunction and forgetfulness can make it hard to motivate ourselves to get up and cook a nutritious meal. we would rather just open the pantry and find a bag of chips - carbohydrates are a favorite among ADHDers. on the flip side, we can also be extremely motivated to cook and meal prep and chase food for the rush of dopamine we also receive from eating it. this can all lead to under-eating or overeating.

many people who don't have ADHD but have an eating disorder can usually have anxiety or depression. the eating disorder is formed as a combination of low self-esteem and needing to find something in their life that they can control. the same will apply here for ADHDers.

in my personal experience, my eating disorder started from that very same lack of control. dealing with the repercussions from my ADHD causing me to overspend, be late to university classes, put off on chores, etc... the one thing i felt that i could control while trying to "look better" was developing a restrictive eating disorder.

note: i will not be discussing any numbers (calories, weight, measurements) or methods that i use(d). eating disorders are very "contagious", competitive, and dangerous. to avoid spreading harmful verbiage, that information will not be discussed at all in this post. if you or a loved one is suffering from disordered eating, and you want to get help or your loved one has consented to seek help, visit here.

i was forced to partially recover after developing kidney problems from the lack of nutrition. i was focused - possibly even hyperfixated - on getting healthy in the right way. i deleted everything from my phone and laptop that was contributing to the unhealthiness, and focused on eating more and eating better. but these eating habits soon deteriorated and i was back to where i was before - lacking the energy and letting executive dysfunction take the wheel, eating entire bags of chips and processed foods and stopped exercising. needless to say, any weight i had lost was gained back and then some. the jeans that used to fall off my hips were now tight, and this was triggering.

thus, the restriction restarted.

ADHD perpetuates to my eating disorder because when I am not hyperfocused on the calorie content, i am "ruining my life" with those same poor habits that continue to exist in the statistics. i'm a few thousand dollars in student loan debt, i spend money that i need to be saving, i put off college assignments and when my apartment is a mess and the laundry pile is literally up to my thighs - i procrastinate dealing with it by writing this post. (reminder to take my meds tomorrow so that i can actually get some of that done. whew.)

many of us with ADHD may feel like we are just hamsters on a wheel. habits are terribly hard to break and even harder to form new and better ones. our neurotypial loved ones fail to understand why we keep "falling back into same patterns. you used to be so smart and so dedicated! remember when you would burn through reading books so quickly? and you were so happy?"

yeah, ouch.

we can blame our brains for this. normally, i am against letting ADHD hold you back and let you succumb as a victim to it's poor symptoms. however, it is so incredibly difficult to get out of it. our brains are hardwired in a way that we cannot help - we just have to learn to work with our ADHD, not against it. more on that in a later post.

[astrojoy]

Hello Joy!! I hope you're doing well 🌻

Can I please join in for the exchange readings?

Your future spouse's characteristics -

The cards I got for you + the reading -

The high priestess always gives me the 'ying and yang' vibe because of the pillars standing beside the priestess herself. Your person is someone who is intune with their inner self. I am hearing 'treasure chest' too but idk what significance that holds. Your fs could have a mysterious but positive vibe to them. They can be an intuitive too. With the six of wands inverted - I feel like victory will be more important on the inside than on the outside for them. Your person is someone who has free their mind from all sorts of restrictive thoughts. They know how to get out of a mental rut and become empowered. With the eight of wands inverted and the six of swords, I feel like they might be going through a transformation atm or they already have done so. I see a little bit of emotional baggage but your person has hope and knows that some things which happened were necessary. The wheel of fortune in reverse - despite all of their qualities, they might fear change at times or resist the randomness/unexpectedness of life. The sun - need I say more? Your person is very warm and loving. 'Happy and healthy' kinda vibe too!! Very positive energy. Your person has clarity and is open to new ideas.

That's all I got phew. Now, from the menu I would like to choose - future spouse's message for you, please?

Thank you and take care

A.S ❤

Hello!! I hope you are doing well too! 🥳 also thank you, I very much loved it! Let's move onto yours! 👀😆

Oh, actually, one sec, the mailman just arrived- hey hey- wait!

It has your name on it!

Hey bunny!, 𓃹

υ´• ﻌ •`υ

I SEE YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT HUH? IT'S OK, IT'S OK. I NEED YOU TO BREATH IN AND TAKE SOME TIME TO HEAL YOURSELF. I WISH I COULD COME OVER TO YOU AND JUST HUG YOU AND LET YOU LET OUT ANY EMOTIONAL PAST WOUNDS AND PRESENT WOUNDS TO ME. I'M SO ATTRACTED TO HOW STRONG YOU ARE. YOU DON'T SEE IT? WELL I DO. YOU ARE EXTREMELY RESILIENT AND I JUST FIND BEAUTY IN THAT. IT'S HARD TO KEEP GOING BUT YOU SEEM TO AND IT'S ADMIRABLE. WOAH, YOUR EYES TOO. WOW... THE SHAPE OF THEM. YOUR EYES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL. BUNNY IF I COULD GIVE YOU ALL THE CARROTS IN THE WORLD I WOULD :3 YOU DESERVE EVERY BIT OF IT. HEY WAIT, I'M NOT DONE HON'. I HAVE SOME ADVICE, PERSONALLY. I NEED YOU TO "PLANT THE SEEDS" OK? I'M SURE YOU'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE. WHATEVER GOALS, PLANS YOU HAVE FOR THE FUTURE, THEY MAY LOOK INTIMIDATING AT TIMES. LIKE A HUMONGOUS TREE! TAKE THOSE TREES ROOTS ONE BY ONE TO MAKE IT MOVE. HAVE PATIENCE, OK? BABY STEPS FOR SUCH A CUDDLY BALL OF SWEETNESS ✧(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ I NEED YOU TO TAKE SOME TIME IN SOLITUDE, BUT NOT JUST THAT, FOCUS ON YOUR DREAMS, WHAT DO YOU WANT REALLY? WRITE IT DOWN, HEAL ANY MEMORIES. YOU ARE EMOTIONAL. THAT'S OK, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT? OK? HAVE FAITH. YOU ARE LITERALLY BEING WATCHED OVER SO DON'T SWEAT IT. PLUS I WILL BE THERE AT SOME POINT >:) LET ME END THIS ON A SERIOUS NOTE... PATIENCE. LEARN HOW TO WORK WITH IT. IT HELPS IN LIFE BY A MILESTONE. IT DOES ♡

░░░░☆ shootingstar

NONO HERE .・゜゜・.・✫・゜・。.★

Make a wish ❁

BYEEE,

XOXOXO

❀

Me!

Oml this person is just- whew a hole lot of energy- good energy!

Extra stuff I saw!

- I had so much energy I finally noticed my leg going up and down (you know how some people quickly move their weight on one of their legs up and down on the ground while they're sitting?) That!

- in the middle of the reading I literally saw someone mow up to our lawn and had no shirt on, grabbed their mail and drove away. Bruh I got up so interested for no reason and just watched. Maybe your spouse is super curious- or nosy

- I'm NOT diagnosing anyone however I'm ngl I kept getting ADHD pop in my head as I kept getting distracted too

- also they are one of those lovey dovey people. Cute as heck

- FIRE

- Average height

- Almond eyes (you or them)

- Indian came out too

- your future spouse thinks your really adorable and idk why. Like you know how when you see a toddler or a puppy? Super adorable oml. Also I'm not sure why but bunny kept coming up for me? Like a nickname or they just see you as a fluffy cute bunny. Jeez I'm not sure lmao

- might draw. I felt the need to doodle all over that paper/message. Like I never do because I enjoy things being organized. It felt like a younger version of me. This persons creative

- XOXOXO 🥰😏

- 2121, 44 or 444

This was a lot lmao BAII HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY OK??? TAKE CARE OF THIS DUMBLING OML THEY ARE CANDY! 🥺🙏

[betwixtofficial]

Hi!! So for Day 12, how do you deal with writer's block?

I deal with writer’s block a LOT.    The last major bout of writer’s block I had lasted 2 YEARS.   And it sucked so hard.   So I’m probably not the best person to give advice.  But here is a list of things I’ve used to get through minor writer’s block caused by various different things.   I have really really severe ADHD  so...   YMMV

- Take a giant step back.   You might be burned out and need a break.  That’s okay.   however,  especially if you’re a pantser,   ALWAYS leave yourself a road map.   Keep your writing somewhere accessible and organized.  Write yourself whatever notes you need to know exactly what you were doing and where you were trying to go with it.    This will prevent you from scrapping everything you already have when you feel like writing again because now you’re lost because you didn’t leave yourself a road map.    (In the past 4 years I’ve started Betwixt over 8 times,  I only got anywhere with it when I started doing this)

- Rubber ducking.  Talk it out.  Explain to someone else what you’re stuck on.  Problems often untangle themselves when you have to figure out how to explain them out loud.

- Spitballing.    Throw ideas at the wall and see what sticks.   Try to come up with the most off the wall ridiculous things you can.   Ask yourself,   What is the stupidest craziest thing that could happen next?    Then make a list of as many weird things happening next that you can think of.  You don’t have to use them,  but it gets your gears turning again.

- Tarot Cards.    You don’t even have to know how to read them.   Just lay out a few and try to make a story out of them.   Or try to interpret them as best you can for the situation in the story.   

- Brainstorming and Story Ideas combo.   Choose a question to write at the top of a page of notebook paper.    What types of books,  genres, characters, moods, aesthetics, tropes, settings, etc. etc. etc.  do I want to read/write about?   What kind of topics do I love to learn about?  What fascinates me?  What excites me?  What do I love?�� Fill a page with answers.   Then take a few different answers and try to combine them and see what pops up.   I love ...ferns.   I also love reading about faeries.    I love sand castles.   I love sewing.     I love sunsets.    What if ....sandcastles left on the beach after sunset turned into faerie castles?   What if I wrote a story about a faerie seamstress that used ferns and flora to sew ballgowns for the faeries?   ... that’s how it works.

- Roleplaying is an EXCELLENT way to get into your character’s mind and learn their voice.   

- Motive and Stakes.    It’s easy to get stuck and feel like you’re spinning your wheels and not getting anywhere if your characters motives aren’t strong enough.   They have to NEED something badly enough to compel them to act and push the story forward without so much effort on your part.   The other side of that....   The stakes have to be high enough that if they don’t get what they need  they will regret it.

- Set this scene aside and work on one you’re more excited about.  It really is okay to work out of order.  I promise.

[seven-oomen]

Please talk about Noah! Your takes are super interesting and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!

(hope you're having a nice day!)

Alright then strap in! Because I am about to tell you why I think Noah Stilinski is;

A. Bisexual

B. Has the inattentive type of ADHD

Let’s begin!

First off, I think Noah Stilinksi is a bisexual man who has a preference for feminine presenting people. (As one would typically see women dress/appear in western society.) I don’t particularly have evidence for this, I tried scouring S3 to find clues of it, but honestly, I think this is just one of those, I headcanon it and therefore to me, it is true. If you have a different opinion, then awesome, you do you. 

I mean there are some looks between him and Chris Argent that can be interpreted as interested, but you’d have to look very closely. For now, it’s just one of those things, to me it’s like that, and I have fun with it.

Like father, like son right? Except Stiles would be more on the 50/50 scale of bisexuality where I think Noah is more on the 70/30 scale leaning towards feminine people.

As for his ADHD, I did find a lot of clues and tidbits there, so: 

Notice how the sheriff is frequently standing with his arms crossed as if he’s either trying to protect himself (trauma-based) or trying to keep himself from moving too much (ADHD based). This would also explain why the sheriff is often seen standing too still. He also tends to talk with his hands, which is another thing a lot of ADHD people have in common. Though to be fair a lot of NT people do this too.

However here in 3x01 we see the sheriff fully focused on this person while they’re trying to work something out.

Then the next second, Melissa enters the hallway and Noah’s undivided attention is suddenly on her, he barely remembers to utter out an excuse me before addressing Melissa. And he does it as if every neuron in his brain is suddenly focused on her. “Oh hey, Melissa!” 

*Brain switch. Undivided attention is now on Melissa.*

This is a form of hyper-focusing, and if you’ve been trained from a young age you do this while making it look NT-passing. You mask it. I do this. People with ADHD-C or ADHD-I that have a basis in trauma tend to this in my experience.

Like Stiles tends to do, the sheriff too, is moving around fidgeting in the blurry background. He’s talking faster than he can process which is picked up on by his stutters. While he’s trying to figure out a resolution to this conflict. 

You can also tell that there might be some RSD at play here due to the fact that he seems very keen to keep the peace in the scene and wants everyone to get along and let’s keep everyone around me chill. This may not seem like a stereotypical ADHD thing to do, but it’s very common in ADHD-I types.

In the scene with Deaton that he shares in this episode, as well as numerous scenes with Stiles and other characters. You can always see him thinking, you can practically see the wheels turning in his head as he tries to make connections and tries to focus on what lies ahead of him and what people are saying to him. 

Sometimes he successfully succeeds in listening and processing. You see this by his frowns, little head movements. But as soon as those arms cross or his frown deepens you can tell someone is trying to flip the switch, but the light’s not turning on. The information isn’t being processed by his brain. He’s trying to defend himself.

Again, this is a typical thing for someone with ADHD-I who’s been trained and has had extensive therapy to cope with his symptoms. For a while and for general conversations/problems, you are capable of holding the thread. When things get complicated, that’s when you start to see the thread unraveling in Noah’s head.

In 3x02 there’s a moment of impatience as he wakes the boys up but also clearly a look on his face that says a few things.

1. Omg Stiles has done it again.

2. Look at the state of this room where do I even begin? I don’t know, so I just won’t bother.

3. Oh no I have absolutely been here and now I have to deal with my son being in this state too.

So he does the most logical thing to him, he doesn’t deal with it. Just his executive dysfunction going off and thinking; nope I’m not dealing with this, I need to get work, I don’t have time to sit down (hence the mug in his hands.) Man is probably running late already and only now waking the boys up because he realizes they’re A. still in his house. And B. not off to school yet and he needs to get going too.

He has a moment like this in multiple episodes where his impatience and incapability of dealing with a situation in front of him causes him to physically drag Stiles away and using too much force to do it. Though judging by Stiles’s reactions, and the way he relaxes after being grabbed, the sheriff seems to realize how hard he is grabbing and eases up every single time.

And that seems like a little detail, but not knowing your own strength is also a thing that can correspond with ADHD. (Though it can occur in NT people and other conditions as well. Or generally, be caused by anger.) But for the sake of this essay or meta, I will attribute it to Noah having ADHD.

In 3x09 Stiles finally clues him in on what’s happening in Beacon Hills and we can clearly see that he’s struggling to process everything. One could attribute that purely to; 

1. Noah is trying to come to terms that supernatural creatures are real and this would be a lot for anyone to process. Which is a fair and a totally valid assumption.

2. However, we see signs of Noah already starting to believe something is up from the very beginning. There’s always been a side to the sheriff where he was willing to believe or give people the benefit of the doubt when it came to the supernatural. Like in 3x03 when he tells his deputy: “She saw something.”

This leads me to believe that the real matter at hand is that Noah simply can’t process all that information at that time and he needs a few days to think it over in order to do so. Which could be a sign of a processing problem due to ADHD. (Although as I have pointed out, it could also be interpreted as an NT just getting a lot of crazy information at once. Take it as you will.)

In 3x07 Stiles and Scott argue over whether or not to tell Noah what’s going on with the sacrifices. Stiles points out that they shouldn’t because his father is completely overwhelmed.

This can be attributed to several things and interpreted in different ways. Let’s lay down the most obvious one; the sheriff has no idea what’s going on, he has the FBI on his case, and multiple murders on his hands and essentially a serial killer. All of these on their own are enough to be overwhelmed by, yes.

I choose to interpret it as a combination of all of these factors combined with an inability to process this much information or information in general. Which is another symptom of ADHD-I.

We also hear him frequently telling Stiles and the other kids to ‘go home, get to class, go to school.’ Basically what he’s doing in moments like this is 1. looking out for them. 2. Unable to cope and process with all the information he’s been giving during that time and instead of lashing out at the kids, he tries a coping mechanism that’s called divert or redirect. Where you try to redirect people/thoughts/object into a direction or thought process that’s far more manageable to you. 

Which is something that I’ve been taught to do myself in therapy. And that is why I think it’s something Noah has been taught to do as well. Either in the Army/Police Academy. or during therapy sessions.

Now, this is what I like to call Noah’s; I’m trying to process what you’re trying to tell me face. And so far, I’m keeping up. You see the pursed lips, the frown on his face, the slightly squinted eyes. He’s focusing on what Stiles is trying to tell him.

Here he is looking away for a second, processing, trying to manage information. We see him frown further, his lip tensing further, he has to try harder.

He’s processing, processing, he blinks. And then this is the face he pulls right after the blink.

The frown has deepened, he's still following Stiles for now but you can see he’s starting to lose the train of thought here.

Stiles keeps explaining, pulls out the chessboard to explain what is going on.

And Noah has completely lost his train of thought. He has no idea what Stiles is saying to him anymore and no way to process all of the information that Stiles is giving him after this moment. He gets impatient, is annoyed at the things Stiles is telling him. That is because he’s emotionally, and physically overwhelmed. 

He deals with a lot of things in his job and he always seems utterly exhausted because of it. I think that is because his job is exhausting. But I also think it has to do with Noah not being able to filter sounds, stimuli, the inability to process things like an NT. I think Noah suffers from a high level of empathy, this combined with sensory processing issues results in someone who’s constantly trying to filter them out and failing. Resulting in chronic fatigue, turning to other means of dealing (Alcoholism), impatience, etc.

He also seems to have trouble regulating his emotions, as we see with his frequent snaps and jabs at Stiles but he also seems to try and be better about it and regret it when he does snap. We also know that in order to numb his pain and his emotions Noah turned to Alcohol to cope, as sad as it is, this is common in people with ADHD. Who often turn to substances to cope with their symptoms and their inability to regulate themselves, anything to numb all the feelings and their own shortcomings. Noah seems to have fallen into that trap too.

-

I think my favorite moment in this scene comes right after with this face:

And the question of; “Why is Jackson the Kanima?”

Which tells me a few things.

1. After everything, that’s the first question he truly asks as he leans back and tries to process things.

2. This may point to an inability to prioritize tasks/thoughts, which is another symptom of ADHD-I. Which for Noah seems to occur when he’s not on the job or with people he trusts and doesn’t have to mask for. (He does this too when he asks Derek at the station; “But if he doesn’t have a mouth, how does he eat?”) Suggesting that this is a more regular occurrence than we see on the show.

And at this point, I can no longer concentrate on this since I’ve lost my hyper-focus. But I think I managed to compile a pretty decent list.

And that is why I think Noah Stilinski is Bisexual and has ADHD.

Tagging: @mostly-vo1d and @artemisa97 since they are usually involved in these things too. You don’t have to respond of course, but if you feel up to it, join in.