#adding more tags bc im thinking now
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I often mention about how Robin is a survivalist who builds a lot of shelters and spaces for himself in the woods, it affects almost all of his verses ━ and I think I finally found the type of thing I'm talking about! I definitely want to go into more detail about it later because I feel like its an aspect of his personality/hobbies I don't often dip into, but for now enjoy this cool video showing what I mean:
youtube
#── 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓'𝐒 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐋𝐊𝐒! ... 【 ᴏᴏᴄ】#── 𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐒 𝐈𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄 … 【 ᴍᴜꜱɪɴɢ 】#✧ ── 𝐑𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐍 𝐀. 𝐁𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄 ... 【 ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏᴏɴ-ᴇʏᴇᴅ ᴍᴀɢᴇ 】#Youtube#adding more tags bc im thinking now#robin does travel throughout his woodland daily#so? him having all of these little places to turn in when he feels like stopping for the night is very cute in my mind#its also cute to imagine his friends or people visiting him to use them on the way over!!#AAA#this is so so cute idc
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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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Released to [REDACTED]. SPK 02-04-10 6:45 PM
also released:
3 - One (1) sealed bag s/c cigarettes & lighter which were found in right exterior vest pocket of unnamed male accomplice.
4 - One (1) sealed bag s/c polaroid photo which was found in left interior vest pocket of unnamed male accomplice.
Note: victim posthumously identified as one Mail Jeevas, DOB 02/01/1990 (aged 19yrs at time of death). Request that Gevanni update documentation accordingly. - N
always thinking about the polaroids matt and mello didnt get to take + the amount of clean up and paperwork near and the SPK probably had to do after they seized all the kira case files from 'L'... also like. do you think near had to identify matts body. who else was there that couldve done it. anyway whatever teehee <3
+ 'clean'(er) version without all the scratches and stuff:
#death note#mellodramattic#mellomatt#mihael keehl#mail jeevas#my art#full color#posts only show up in the first five tags right... whatevs thats plenty#literally based the caption off an evidence release related to the jfk assassination so if i wrote the documentation out wrong no i didnt!!#anyway. theyre trans + in love + deserved to take cute photos of themselves#and whenever i added the frame iwl ohhh. theres only one person who COULD have this picture. which is when i decided to add the blood stain#i PERSONALLY dont think matt and mello were in contact until after mells left lidners hotel but we can pretend. for the sake of the art#re: the date on the photo + mello not having his scars i mean#also mello is a type o negative fan you CANNOT change my mind its so real to me. i Know It. anesthesia is ON my mellodramattic playlist#obviously ref'ed from that one GQ shoot w jesse rutherford and devon carlson... idk them but i LOVE those photos theyre so fun#i need to look up more of taylor rainbolts photography bc i feel like theres a looot of potential insp to be had there for my work#ANYWAY! theres a plain-er version under the cut if u wanna see it w/out as many overlays and scratches and such#im so glad 2 be done w this piece i have been working on it on and off since. NOVEMBER OF 2022...#ITS AUGUST OF 2023 NOW. I DRAW AT A NORMAL SPEED DW ABOUT IT <3#death note spoilers#<--- for my beloved nat
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MAN THE MUSICAL NUMBERS CAUGHT ME SO OFF GUARD I HAD TO PAUSE AND STARE FROWNING okok!!! so the thing was that one time agessss ago you said liking ml fanfics is just wanting to read the same story over and over again and after that textbook 2016 post reveal final kiss that sentence just flashed in my mind and everything that happened in the movie (the ladynoir patrol fighting in the rooftops, the adrien snapping at his dad, gabriel being actually decent) just shifted in context for me and the realization of how fanfic coded the movie is and how that directly related to my enjoyment was so clear i couldnt stop laughing hdhshsjs
WOW ACTUALLY
i remember saying that and its STILL TRUE!! And honestly you're putting it in perspective for me, thats why i liked the things i liked about the movie. like the ladynoir patrol fighting on the roofs also did lowkey make my dreams come true they could have done whatever they wanted in the rest of the movie, that scene is what i live for.
And that last scene really did feel like it was out of a fanfic, A 2016 FANFIC, its OLD FANDOM VIBES. back when we were still chewing up the concept of a reveal and not picking apart the bones of adrien's identity like mad scientists.
I remember thinking im sure ive read this scene somewhere. idk where but i have. all of it in different pieces a million times.
Anyways thank you for sharing this i love it?? good take
#sorry it took me so long to respond even though you like WARNED ME IN ADVANCE you were gonna send this i havent been online much#but i love thinking about the movie im excited to rewatch#im so hot and cold on it#ive heard great takes about it im on board with most of what ive read#i had fun but severely missed the character + relationship depth that the show brings us#they tackled too much to do any of it well!! but what a fun time and i kind of loved seeing chat noir be a little rascal#hes so fucking nice all the time in season 5 and i adore it and would die for him but do you remember he also gets to be a scamp sometimes?#as a TREAT????#SCAMP TREAT FOR CHAT NOIR!!!! HES HUNGRY and deserves it#he contains multitudes and one of those multitudes is kind of a little bitch#ml movie spoilers#ml movie#what are the tags we're all using#miraculous awakening#also you know what it’s a day later and I’m adding more tags bc#back in the day we WERE still obsessed with adriens identity but it was more exploratory#like gently unfolding a complicatedly wrapped gift#now it is mad scientist we are in the package dissecting
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:D (I ramble in my tags about this)
#shuichi iguchi#shigaraki tomura#mha spinner#bnha spinner#spinaraki#spinneraki#ok now that the tags are out of the way LETS TALK#i was reading a webtoon when female lead did that whole laugh and cover it with your hand thing and i do it sometimes too#and i got to thinking about WHY and why its usually girls depicted as such and i know some people dont like their teeth/smile#and im like well shut the fuck up! im thinking fem spinner!!! like being self conscious about how she looks and developing it on accident#and shigaraki never really noticing until one day she DOES and wow spinner looks really pretty when she laughs and why does she hide it#like damn!!! i have a lot of thoughts about what spinner but female and the changes that would have on the character and why and agdjfkflg#ANYWAYS someone stop me from regressing to the old way i used to do hair bc its too damn time intensive but its so easy to zone out during#fem shigaraki#fem spinner#was going to properly do the background but i got done after forgetting the texture for spinner for the 4th time + went eeeh good enough#also!!!!!! the last “”panel“” made me realize how weird that angle is to draw spinner with his major proportions and also keep the soft 1/2#2/2 smile reading as a smile and agdhfkfl am i adding “looks like a resting bitch face” to my spinner headcanons? maybe.#but imagine spinner trying so hard to look approachable and give a little smile but his face just????? doesnt do that very well (at least#not as easily as more human looking humans) and how that might play into his ostracization and then him leaning into that#as a defense mechanism (like if they think im an ass then I'll look like an ass on purpose) ahdndn he was so grumpy in the bar in the bg#mha jbee
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Find the word !
Tagged by @ceph-the-ghost-writer ! Thank you :D
Tagging : @isabellebissonrouthier, @tales-from-nocturnaliss, @queerlilchinchin, @jezifster and open tag ! If you feel like doing this game, do it !
Words I was given : Borrow, Beg, Steal, Manage.
Words I'm giving you : Spiral, Sheer, Cold, Fur.
As usual, I'll be picking around in all of my files, because I'm Like That, and I'll be adding at the end of each passage where they're from.
BORROW
"The wizard turned again to his own work, trying not to stare at the other too much.
This continued for a few days, generally for some hours in the morning, and a few in the afternoons. With permission, he borrowed some books, stating that he’d rather be able to work elsewhere as well. What the prince was doing when not in the wizard’s tower was a mystery, and Velial certainly didn’t want to know. It was almost a week after he started reading, when he was done with the books, that Maran started asking questions." – How the wizard got a lizard
BEG
"He trembled when the sword moved, held by hands he could not see, and begged when it brushed over his chest. The bloody, deformed wolven face drew closer to his, spit and icy water and blood dripping down, the blurry, blue eyes unable to give him a single clue about whether this creature could feel anything.
– Beg again, General, said a voice he had not thought he would ever hear again. Beg and maybe I will consider freeing you.
His own words, thrown back at him a thousand years later. His words that he knew had been lies back then, that he knew were lies now, but he begged anyway. The wolf’s half open mouth twitched, grinned, a nightmare of teeth and cold, and let out a laugh, garbled parody of warmth and humanity. His ears hurt, icy pressure building up, until the sword plunged into his chest, narrowly missing his heart, filling his lungs with blood." – Winter's Rage
STEAL
...surprisingly, none, in any of the WIP files I have. I'll just give you two different ones for "manage" because I have like. A LOT of instances. lmfao
MANAGE
"Anne struggled a little, coughing up some dirt to try to reply something. It tasted bad.
– Aw, you want to defend yourself ?
– What the fuck, she managed to spit out.
Her speech was completely garbled by the dust, but it seemed like Atropa understood anyway." – Meet Cute :3 (Anne/Atropa) [yes that's literally the file's name.]
"How long had it been there, waiting ? How many hours had she devoted to actually doing something useful for both of them while he was useless in his tower, failing over and over at making spells of his own that did not even manage to dampen the effects of the Emperor’s powers ? How easy was it, after replicating the strings, to figure out how the rest of the puppeteering worked, to stop possession from happening ?" – A Realization
#tag games#thank you heehoo !#the fall of neseah#winter's rage#i REALLY should write more in winter's rage bc it's so. i love Eleanor so much#before dawn : the age of the gods#hélianthe et atropa#i don't have a specific tag for atropa and anne's backstory so im adding them to the general le prix du sang tag#uh ok tagging characters now#maran of neseah#velial telren#eleanor ridgen#the other asshole she's killing doesnt have a tag so who cares <3#atropa meria#anne de monthaut#the mage#the emperor#(well he's mentioned.)#(but when is he not if Rekiev's involved tbh)#ahhhh this is making me really want to write i think i'm going to go write about it. after i get dressed.#lumeria de vano#(mentioned)#HOW COULD I FORGET TO TAG YOU GIRL#i love lumeria.
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‼️reset the counter‼️ it has been ✨0✨ days since the last chizuutan content drop‼️
#can’t listen to it yet bc i need to finish my dinner and yeet back into self quarantine#b u t it was. unexpected. yeah. new chizuutan content drops for 3 days in a row…#first it was chinese kawaikute gomen. then it was the shampoo ad. and now maid cafe chizuutan…#uh… real talk guys. h a s any other character received such preferential treatment before h e l l o—#even mona’s mvs were released weeks apart leading up to her album drop h e y—#at this rate im. half expecting them to drop the kawaikute gomen manga some time in november#or maybe they’re aiming for winter comiket or sth idk#b u t. ahaha… how much chizuutan is too much chizuutan…?#i mean it’s a huge w for women’s wrongs (stay slayin’ chizuutan keep fighting the good fight o7) but. hm.#g o d now that i think about it she’s gonna have more mvs than ft4 once her next mv drops#and she has already surpassed them if you count the sunny party mvs…#…now im half expecting this year’s novel to be about her tbh.#m a n i should be talking about the song in these tags why am i like this#anyways chizuutan preferential treatment slay(?) may she change her oshi one day(?)#chizuutan chizpost
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can't stop thinkimg about modding games
#yapfest in tags...#.ctxt#modding games lowkey makes me feel productive...........#what happened to just enjoying and playing the actual game.#lol im going around in circles in my game library on what game to mod next#i restarted my sims 3 mods folder again after playing enderal a bit (i also added an enb and SMIM to it.... no more !)#(once i add in one mod i will eventually add more but i can limit myself ! i will enjoy enderal in its purest form ! enb doesnt count.....)#jokes aside im enjoying enderal a lot. legit cant believe it's a '''mod''' wtaf#anyways now im looking into minecraft mods again#i'm gonna add a bunch of mods - brick it - troubleshoot then play for like 2 hours then move onto the next game in rotation to mod.......#......... anyways i have so many unfinished games#i started hades 2 and disco elysium a few months ago#oh god also bg3.. i finished act 1#did a bit of act 1.5 (or the bit after) then never opened it again bc i couldn't be arsed to do a certain fight back then LMFAOOFOSO#idr how long ago this was but it was before they won goty and that major patch they dropped then too#fohhhh i remembered i finished the main quest for cyberpunk bc of phantom liberty n i just never got around to playing that and version 2.0#mainly bc i didnt want to update cyberpunk and my mods LMFAOOO#brain so silly sometimes bc i want to play the game but then i dont wanna play#also i think it's the exhaustion i (quickly) get from consuming the story LOL#maybe thats why i enjoy sandboxes and those brain-numbingly replayable shooter games....#damn i yap a lot in the tags#hiii#:3#trailing thoughts#idk if it's the term for it i cant remember anything#do i keep this in the drafts for myself or nah#goodnight gang...
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man yellowjackets would be so much better if it didnt keep cutting back to the present day
#incoming tag rant#I DONT CARE ABOUT THESE GROWN ASS WOMEN SHOW ME THE LORD OF THE FLIES SHIT#like i dont wanna see that shauna is having an affair i wanna see these teenagers go crazy dude#im not kidding i skip through all the present day shit like an ad on youtube bc i dont cAREEEEE#its starting to frustrate me BROOOO#also how are they making three seasons outta this what more story can you tell#bc if its not about the wilderness im not gonna watch it HAHA#one could say im impatient and thats the point of tension and buildup BUT i can argue that these ladies' lives are fucking boring HAHA#i wanna know more about lottie and why she has weird visions (which they allude to in the cold open) bUT we're back to taissa and her bs#n e way both actresses who play misty are great i wanna kick her fucking throat in LMFAOO /pos to the actresses#we dont even see how it traumatized them in present day which would actually be interesting#all we know is shauna is guilty and taissa is vegan now LIKEEEEE who the fuck cares man HAHAH#and i guess someone is blackmailing them? okay ?? and ?????#sidenote does it ever bother anyone else when shows/movies show [usually] girls naked that are supposed to be teenagers ?#like the actress is 20-30 n a consenting adult but in the eyes of the show im supposed to be looking at a 16 year old girl ? thats weird !#seems like a weird loophole that we dont talk about enough ? id rather not see a naked teenager even if its not real thank you very much🧍🏻#takes me out of the show too lmao im like wait this is supposed to be a minor i dont think i should be looking at this :/#why did tumblr gender neutralize my emoji HAHAHA
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read the sunshine court and have never been more impatient in needing a second book my god
#tsc#tsc spoilers#tagging bc im talking in the tags but holy fuck im ngl i came into the book as a jerejean shipper but now im shipping him with EVERYONE#him and renee were so sweet god i cant#him taking her photo and thinking about rainbows 😭#but also excited for my man Jeremy bc he's got layersTM like an onion#need to know why he doesn't like his family and if he ever confides in Jean to convince Jean to confide in him#but also them oggling each other was hilarious#jean said his name once and had jeremy kicking his feet and twirling his hear#jean's braim shutting off whenever jeremy is shirtless avdhdj#need them to get together but i love Jean and his story and im so glad i reread aftg before reading this book#obsessed with jerejean as individuals and i love how much Jean appreciates the othrler Trojans#GAAAAH#also heart was in my ass when Grayson attacked Jean and thank god my boy neil sent out a hit on that fucker#also people realizing neil looks insane to other people like um yes...literally everytime he opens his mouth even in his POV#he says some scary shit bro 💀#adding more tags bc i forgot to talk about kevin but i also can't get over their angst its just so good#their time together at evermore and jean teaching him french only for it to be the used against him by accident#they're too fucked up to ever really be friends again but they've both got their own support systems now#thinking about them meeting to do the interview ... chewing on glass#i have to go ravage ao3 now
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Swap au Kim gets drunk and there's a sweet spot in which he's having the time of his life and manages to forget all that's fucked up in his existence just going with the flow and everyone besides him no matter who they are and how the treat him, but less drunk than that and he'll get sober too soon and everythings gonna hit him all at once making him feel twice as miserable, or he'll get even more drunk to the point it completely switches and the happiness and getting along with whoevers nearby morphs into over trusting and sad and as soon as someone is like "look man you're not fine you should go home" he takes it too personal and won't be against getting into fights
#my posts#disco elysium#swap au#for organization tbh#i had new thoughts so#theres more in the replies bc i thought more later and wanted to add to it but didnt want to make the post longer or rb it#ok now back to the original tags#id like to say that i had this thought while taking a shower and forgot until now#and now as i was writing this a rainbow came out beauty of the world during me writing something sad lmao#anyways im trying to think of my own swap au guys a little bit#i mean i saw the others i love them i may take inspo of them unconsciously#but yeah#at some point ill think more about how he got to this point idk if its eyes or the whole discrimination hes ever experienced#or his repression snapping. or a mix#ill think it out later maybe lmao#adding tags i think i could have written the post better lmao#its not necessary a trusting and sad if he gets too drunk like yeah sorta v trusting but more like in an oversharing way#and... depending#like. still not too sure. willing to change this#i juat rather write it here rather than on a document for some reason lmao
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m...maybe i can....try my hand...with just drawing floating heads...of the little cast
#snow speaks#its at least easier for me aklsdj try to warm myself back up on drawing >_>#i have most of the designs down thanks to the picrew!!#i think i only have two left#IM SAD BC I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT SUREPIO#i saw 6 names written adn i went GASP FUCK I FORGOT ONE KID#surepio would be a fave if i actually added more stuff about him#hey if i let a rng pick numbers for me for surepio maybe thatll help.#no one asked for it but yknow :)#also! its nice to have it on here bc at least its tagged and stuff for organization#i do also have a doc now to compile all my posts LOL so if i get too anxious about posting/yapping here at least i have that B)
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#battinson with chronically ill half dead teenager yesssssssss#I'm imagining that first night he brings danny to the cave and hes just internally panicking#like what do i do with this kid. where do i put him. i cant just leave him in the cave. im DEFINITELY not leaving him alone
FRRRR. Like @/that1badassbitch mentioned in the comments, Bruce's thoughts that entire time was just varying pitches of internal screaming. Which I am still wheezing at because yeah, preach. Bruce's pov from the moment Danny accosts him in the alley to him bringing Danny into the cave ranges from awkward panicking, genuine desperation to get this kid some help, a lot of heartbreak on the boy's behalf, and also just pure anger at his godfather.
Cuz like, who the fuck does this?? How dare he. This boy is a child. If it weren't for Danny's genuine terrified pleading, Bruce would've probably had a confrontation with Vlad. He would've lost, considering Vlad's power set and Bruce's lack of and Vlad would have gotten away with Danny. But he would've tried it. (Could've resulted in a spin-off au where Bruce, after losing to Vlad, proceeds to hunt the bastard down to save Danny.)
But yeah, I absolutely, delightfully agree that Battinson is just. internally panicking the entire time. From the rooftops, to the car, to the driving all the way to the cave -- which, after a quick google search, is apparently in an abandoned train depot in Batman (2022). Which is fascinating to me, but I digress. His internal monologue consists of cussing out Danny's godfather, trying to figure out what the poison is, a repetitive use of the word "FUCK", and him going "keep him awake keep him awake keep him aWAKE--"
But like, in a more Bruce Wayne fashion.
Danny is curled up in the passenger seat beside him and Bruce keeps intermittently checking on him every few seconds. Danny just looks like shit, man. Poor kid has a seemingly unending bloody nose, he's coughed a few times already and each time sounds like its shaking through his lungs and taking a piece out. His breathing is hollow, quietly raspy, and Danny sounds like he's gasping each time he breathes in. He's pale, clammy and sweating, but trembling, and his eyes are glazed over, unfocused, and half-lidded.
Dealer's choice here but I'm very amused but also fond of the idea that Bruce, in an attempt to do anything to soothe this kid, panic-clips off his cape and kinda just. throws it at him. Cringes, then awkwardly tries to adjust it so it's laying over him like a blanket.
It works though! Danny, through his haze, cracks a smile at him before grabbing the cape and practically curling around it. He seems to visibly relax, and Bruce silently slumps with relief that his idea worked. I also think he tries to painfully make some sort of small talk but frankly the only valid form of "small talk" he knows is interrogation. Danny's too out of it to mind though.
Bruce asks him if he knows what his godfather used to poison him.
("Blood Bl'ssom.") ("What is that?") ("A k'nda plant. Issa type o' rose.") ("Where can I find one?") ("Y'can't.") (And hear Bruce's blood chills for a moment. "What do you mean?") ("Blossoms went extinct in th- in the 1600s.") ("What? How is that possible? How'd your godfather get his hands on one?") ("Science.")
He also learns that the poison is, horrifyingly, cannibalistic, and Danny reassures him that he kinda stopped feeling the pain a few hours ago. Then he gags on nothing and spirals into an ugly coughing fit. "...Mostly." He adds on.
I have this very vivid mental image of Battinson screeching to a stop in the cave, Alfred's off to the side messing with some prototype gadgets. Bruce's side door swings open and Alfred's in the middle of snarkily asking if he's decided to get a reasonable amount of sleep tonight, only to immediately eat his tongue when Bruce beelines to the other side of the car and frantically pulls a waifish victorian kid with the tuberculosis blood cough to match out of the passenger's side.
("Dear god, what happened!?") ("His godfather poisoned him. I need towels and every medical device we have in here.")
The few photos I could find of the Battinson Cave did not imply there was a gurney in there, so Bruce uses on of the metal tables. He uses one arm to swipe off all the stuff on there onto the floor before laying Danny down.
It's. a very stressful time! That's for sure. Bruce is stuck between trying to get some form of antidote or at the very least a neutralizer to the blood blossom extract made, and also reassuring Danny that he's going to be fine. He's out of his depth.
They do get Danny stabilized though! How? Uh, I hadn't actually been able to think of how up until now, and this is just me trying to throw together an idea up on the fly. But Bruce like, manages to make some kind of 'antidote' that doesn't completely kill the blood blossom extract, but it makes the poison at least forcibly slow down.
[Forced to put a read more because this got SO LONG. oops]
"like what do i do with this kid. where do i put him. i cant just leave him in the cave. im DEFINITELY not leaving him alone" <<< is his sudden internal crisis after Danny's stabilized and passed out on the table. Giving him back to his godfather is completely off the fucking table, and Bruce can't give him up to CPS because there's a risk that he'll also return to his godfather.
He ends up, unsurprisingly to all of us, on deciding to keep Danny with him for the time being. At least until they can get his godfather behind bars. And you're right! Danny can't stay in the cave -- it's a half-furnished, rundown train depot. There's a tetanus shot waiting around each corner. It's Bruce's (reluctant) idea to take him up to the manor.
So Danny wakes up in an incredibly gothic guest bedroom, not feeling 100%, but also not feeling like total death like he did yesterday. He can still feel the blood blossom in him -- it leaves a joint and muscle soreness throughout his whole body, and when he breathes there's a weight there.
His confusion over where he woke up -- because it's very much not Vlad's place -- is overshadowed by his frank awe. You can't tell me he hasn't developed an appreciation and fondness of gothness due to his friendship with Sam. He might not be into it like Sam is, but he can appreciate the beauty when it's right in front of him.
#and hes got that awkward silent staring thing going on. Danny's trying not to die and vlads not there anymore#so hes unbothered by it really
Bruce pulled up a chair next to Danny's bed in the manor and didn't move a single inch the entire time. Just. sat there and stared to make sure the kid didn't stop breathing in the middle of the night. Probably has some facial recognition scanner going to try and figure out Danny's last name -- whether that works or not is dealer's choice frankly.
Either way, Danny turns his head to the left and nearly jumps three feet into the air when he sees Bruce and his 'stares into your soul' blue eyes. Sends him into a minor coughing fit by accident. Battinson very awkwardly and quietly apologizes. danny kinda just waves him off.
That's a whole conversation I'm not gonna go into, but to sum it up Bruce asks how Danny's feeling, and Danny tells him that he feels better, but he can still feel the blood blossom poison. So whatever he did, didn't get rid of all of it. (He's still incredibly fucking grateful nonetheless)
cue that "getting to know you" interrogation stuff.
(Danny can probably keep the full extent of his halfa status a secret from Bruce at first, but he is forced to tell Bruce about the ectoplasm running through him since it's the only reason the blood blossom toxin even works on him. Which results in him telling him a.. slightly omitted version of why he even has that in there in the first place.)
(Maybe he reveals that he was a hero in order to convince Bruce to let him out on the field rather than being just support? I've got ideas and fortunately your tags will help me delve into them)
#alfred pretends to be exasperated that bruce kidnapped a kid but honestly hes relieved#maybe being responsible for someone else will make bruce more responsible for his own health
no notes. just know that i'm wheezing at this. my friend @kingcrow01 had Alfred essentially reacting the same fucking way.
#the media would eat it up are you kidding??? the reclusive prince of gotham seen with a mysterious child???#and theyve both got that sickly pathetic wet cat look to them what with bruce constantly being injured and danny being chronically poisoned
FR! I love social media shenanigans and I love seeing it in fic (Lex Luthor's Ascent From Supervillainy To Fatherhood is a really good example of it imo), although i'm not too good at making it myself. Imagining how twitter in-universe might react to photo evidence of Danny with Bruce is going to fuel my desire for seeing people's reactions to things for ages. I am delighted to imagine that dumpster fire. The in-universe memes, guys.
Nobody has any clue what this mysterious Wayne child looks like for the longest time because Danny follows Bruce's lead and dresses in Anti-Paparazzi Recluse Fits. Mostly because he's the godchild of an equally reclusive and influential billionaire figure, and I imagine Vlad would pitch a media fit trying to find his poor, beloved godson.
Can you imagine the fucking SCANDAL if people found out that Vlad Masters' godson ran off and was currently living with recluse Gotham Prince Bruce Wayne? The tabloids would eat this shit up. It's a three-course meal that's paying their rent for the next three months. That's not even to say what Vlad might do upon finding out Danny's whereabouts.
So yeah, photo evidence of Danny only has shots of him wearing a large hoodie, one of Bruce's jackets, and a medical face mask and a hat. It doesn't hide any of the Sickly Pathetic Wet Cat look, if anything it enhances it. But you can see his bright 'staring into your soul like the oracle of delphi' blue eyes, and the black curls plastering his face, and his pale skin.
In some photos, as blurry as they are, Danny appears to be leaning into Bruce's side, seemingly using him as a support. The "antidote" (medicine?) Bruce created that first night was effective, but it wears off eventually. Before they make his medical bracelets, the both of them agree to use the antidote Bruce made to stave off the worst of the poison.
These photos are taken around the times the antidote was wearing off or had worn off, and the toxin was taking itself out of the backseat and shifting back into high gear. Despite that, Danny managed to convince Bruce to let him tag along on whatever shopping run he was on.
Someone took one of these photos and captioned it "Pathetic Wet Cat and his Sickly Pathetic Wet Kitten" and posted it on SMS. It got numbers.
Oh my god, I just thought of this but when Battinson is finally cornered by reporters asking him about Danny he does this:
he internally panics, and then with a straight face says "i don't know what you're talking about. i don't have a son." and then he Flees.
(this blows up in his face because the reporter he responded to never asked him if Danny was his son, they asked him who the boy seen with him was. Bruce is trending on twitter before he even makes it home. He's mortified. There's potential here for a scene between Bruce and Danny where they have that long-awaited 'are we family?' conversation.)
#i know everyone's focusing on danny working as a hero with batman and his relationships with dick and jason and everyone as the older siblin#but im still stuck on early days batman with a teenager to care for and how that dynamic is going to be SO DIFFERENT#than that same bruce with a 9 year old Dick. like the circumstances are so different and hes never bat-dopted a kid before this
NO BECAUSE YOU GET IT. YOU GET IIIIT! I fucking love older brother danny, however the biggest appeal of the "eldest son danny" idea is in fact how he and bruce's relationship would have to play out in order for that to happen. You could argue that Danny could be an 'older brother figure' to the Robins and still not have any familial affiliation with Batman, but the fact of the matter is, simply? I want that familial affiliation with Bruce. I want to see how that would play out, and how it would develop.
I am. a scientist prodding a little glass stirring rod at the potential family dynamic of Bruce Wayne and Danny Fenton and going, in complete wonderment and awe, "wow. fascinating. how does that work? how did you happen? what made you? how can i do it again?"
I also think there could be something fascinating over the fact that Bruce Wayne watched his parents die in front of him, while Danny's parents don't even know Danny died at all. A (once) child with dead parents, and a dead child with living parents. I think there's something to be explored there, I just haven't yet figured out what.
And yeah! a teen is completely different than an 8 year old. They're in very different developmental stages in their life, and that's not even addressing their lifestyle differences. When I made this prompt I mentally kinda just placed the death of danny's parents as having happened a few months ago. To me, it feels like enough time for Vlad's temperament to escalate from bad to worse, and for him to actually cook up that blood blossom toxin.
Danny's at a different mourning period compared to Dick, who was brought in while it wasn't even a day old. Maybe Danny hasn't had much time to mourn his family as much as he's wanted because he's been stuck in survival mode living with Vlad, and once he feels secure with Bruce he can finally tap into that grief he's been keeping on the backburner.
Lots of things to explore that can adjusted and changed as needed! Very flexible.
All in all though, I am a sucker for found family and in order for Danny to have family in Dick and the others, he needs to find it with Bruce.
#and this one has a crazy demon murder godfather and poison blood and a history of punching otherworldly apocalypse-creatures#into another dimension. no parenting book will help.
no notes here other than yeah, agreed, wheeze. The good news is that he doesn't need to be completely afraid that those otherworldly potential-apocalypse kickstarters will show up at any random point, Because, imo, Danny shut down and destroyed the portal before he could be shipped off in order to prevent anyway (cough-the GIW-cough) from accessing it. Vlad's the only one with a working portal currently and he's not as careless as the fentons are as to keep it open willy-nilly.
now the only thing he needs to worry about is the crazy demon godfather and the flora-boros blood toxin in his son's veins! whoo.
#and like yeah danny will want to help gotham and save people#but honestly? with his new limitations and no expectations from a previous robin do you think he would do it the same way?
I love this question! because honestly when I was initially expanding on this idea on my own, my initial answer was "no" due to the toxin's limitations. I had the same idea as you where Danny takes on a more 'oracle' role where he's not out in the field, but he's still helping behind the scenes. I was torn between "logically would this happen" as well as "chronically ill people aren't delicate flowers, they can do things" and a little dash of "okay but i really want nightingale out in the field"
In the end I decided that I liked the idea of Danny actually out with Bruce, and that as a result there would need to appropriate consequences and drawbacks for this decision.
#idk guys he fights ghosts because no one else can#i think he'd probably play a much more supportive role. at least at first. << you're totally right, too. And Danny's motivations for wanting to help in Gotham would have to be different than in Amity Park. Oooo this has good character growth potential.
Danny helps Amity Park out of a sense of obligation right? Like obviously it's also because he's a good person, but ultimately it kinda comes across as an obligation. He's the only one who can, so he's the one to do it, despite the fact that throughout the show he's shown to want that normal life. There's guilt there if he doesn't do anything; he has the power to stop this, so why shouldn't he?
(Oo, doesn't that sound kinda familiar? Guilt over something he ultimately has no control over, but thinks he could have?)
So! For him to choose to decide to rejoin the hero life, and not just from behind the curtain, feels like a pretty big character decision to me. Especially because now, he doesn't really have the power to help. Not like he did before.
He's sickly, essentially powerless because using his powers speeds up the toxin, and equipped only with his wits, his creativity, and whatever fighting skills he may have acquired during his time as Phantom -- and whatever martial arts prowess the author decides to have Maddie pass down to Danny.
He's not doing this because he feels like he has to, but because he wants to. I think that's pretty cool.
You reminded me that ideas can be combined too! It's dealers choice for anyone who wants to throw their hat into the ring in how Danny decides to join the frontline fight.
I'm going to kinda contradict myself here but one of my ideas for Danny going from behind-the-scenes to in-your-face-scenes is just. Batman needing backup for a fight. I'm not going to go into specifics for who he's facing, because frankly i'm not sure myself, but he needs backup.
And Danny, who likes to sit in the cave more often than not, waiting for Bruce to come back, sees this through whatever cameras are available. He's stressed out, worried for Batman's safety. This could be a good catalyst for the overarching subplot of him rejoining the hero scene as well as hey, maybe realizing that he doesn't need his powers to help people.
Danny's warring with himself about what to do. Trying to soothe his anxieties by reminding himself that Bruce is an incredible fighter and good at getting out of tight spots, telling himself it would be fine. Rebuffing the little voice in his mind saying he should help by telling it that he might make things worse. And when his subconscious tries to tell him that he can help, he rebuffs it by saying does he need to?
And there, right there, is what's been playing on repeat for however long it takes for him to become nightingale. Every night: "I can help, but do I need to?" and during this night is when he has an epiphany; "No, but I want to."
it's like the sun peaking through the clouds after weeks of gray skies. He wants to help. He can help, but not because he should or because he's able to, although that is important, but because he wants to.
So he finds where Bruce hides the face paint, smears what he think is an adequate amount on his face -- it looks almost mask like. And hunts down one of the spare utility belts -- he ends up having to wrap it around his shoulder and torso like a bandolier due to how tall Bruce is and how willowy Danny is. he already has a hoodie on, and pulls it up over his head. And fuck it, i'm calling down the Rule of Cool Law. Danny finds one of Bruce's spare capes and tears it up to make a makeshift scarf to better hide his face. He gets some other tools he needs that he knows Bruce uses, and then he's off.
(Bruce is both very shocked and very upset when Danny comes crashing through the ceiling with a faux-confident; "Hiyo, B! You're looking pretty bat-tered, so I thought I'd come in and give a helping claw!")
(Results in what I think is a very funny post-fight conversation where they have something of a hissed argument in front of the half-conscious criminals. "what are you doing here?!" "i wanted to help!" "where'd you learn to fight like this?" "mom taught me" -> which causes a fucking BUZZ in the criminal underground when word gets out.)
there's conflict. argument over bruce not wanting danny to come out to help him. Until danny eventually wins out in the end by pulling up footage of phantom on the batcomputer, revealing his previous hero status, and pure damn stubbornness. Bruce agrees but only after he updates Danny's self-defense and gets him a proper suit.
#alfred cant handle TWO wet rats getting beat up every night lol
singling this out because it's funny and you're rIGHT.
#danny innovating new and better bat gadgets. making good humanitarian use of the wayne money in ways that would make sam proud. #making sure alfred isnt the only thing standing between bruce and bruce's death at the hands of the city he loves
Danny's bambi eyes are lethal work, and Alfred's favorite employ whenever Bruce is being stubborn. Even after rejoining the active hero scene, Danny will still team up with Alfred to drag Bruce to bed or rest. Excuse you, don't make the same mistakes he did! He's the elder hero here!
Danny churns out so many anti-ghost gadgets for Bruce for the inevitable confrontation with Vlad, along with non-ecto gadgets just because he wants him safe. It becomes an unusual bonding experience for the both of them to come up with gadget ideas together and then figuring out how to make it work, and then building them together.
Vigilante equivalent of helping dad in the garage except you're both fixing the car and telling the other to grab them the 3/5th quarter-inch flathead screwdriver from the toolbox.
Danny is delighted to have someone to bounce ideas off of with, as does Bruce.
For the good old "fights are one of the ways ghosts socialize" trope: They have regular training sessions, but it's Danny who asks if they could sometimes just have some for-fun sparring sessions. Then has to very embarrassedly explain to Bruce that it's just something ghosts do with each other to socialize sometimes.
Bruce reads between the lines and sees it for what it is: play fighting. Danny's asking to play fight. There are no parenting books on taking care of a half-ghost teen, but he immediately thinks on a documentary on lions he saw a while ago and agrees.
These play fights more often than not result in Danny being tossed around like a ragdoll and loving it -- he's light as feathers and being thrown up into the air feels like he's flying again. Something he can't do anymore for obvious reasons. Plus the ghostly bonding thing.
I don't have much to add about the humanitarian use of wayne money thing, i agree. It also makes Bruce proud and could help inspire him to start getting more involved with Wayne Industries so he can start using his parents' company for humanitarian use as well.
#MAN imagine the fluff of danny learning to decipher bat grunts#if anyone has experience seeing past the crazy obsessive seemingly single minded focus of a parental figure and to the real love and care#that exists so deeply and truly under and throughout it all it'll be danny
aaaaaa, man you're so right. i was talking to crow about this but, for context, the idea was that Nightingale has a tendency to sometimes bite his opponents. And it's become something almost like a signature surprise move because he has Ghost Fangs, but the first time this happens its during some kind of gang fight between B, Gale, and a handful of goons.
However, the fight halts to surprised stop when one of the guys shrieks out; "OW, HE BIT ME!" and like a spell, everyone turns, flabbergasted, towards the guy who said it. Because what the fuck did you mean he bit you, wHY IS HE BITING.
And there, hanging off the guy's arm with all the smug self-satisfaction of a cat, is Nightingale, with his fangs still chomped down onto the guy's arm. There's a few seconds of silence, long enough for everyone to see what's going on, before Gale reorients his momentum and kicks the guy square in the jaw; knocking him out cold.
The thing that catches everyone's attention is that Nightingale drew blood. They watch, half-terrified, half-baffled, as the kid scrunches his nose up, wipes at his mouth, and makes a noise of disgust. He turns to look at Batman, who has also stopped what he's doing to stare as well.
Nightingale asks him; "Am I gonna have to get checked for this?"
Rather than deign him with a response, Batman remains silent. They stare at each other for three whole seconds, before Nightingale clicks his tongue like Batman had said something he didn't like, but expected.
"Aw, okay." Then without missing a beat, he turns and launches himself like a feral cat at the closest person next to him, and the room descends back into chaos once more.
Man, I'm just imagining them working next to each other on their own personal project, and Danny will quietly ask for Bruce's opinion on something. Bruce gives him a single grunt, and Danny's silent for a moment, contemplative, before muttering something like "huh, i guess you're right" or "oh, good idea."
Danny eventually adopts Bruce's little "hrm" quirk himself, and it slowly goes from: "hey, what do you think about this?" "hrm" "that's what I thought too" to: "..hmn?" "hm."
The ever consistent urge to make Your Blorbo The Most Specialist Character On The Block Ever is forever a plague of mine, and I'm very tempted to say that Danny is the only other kid except Cass who can do the "hm?" "hn" thing back to back with Bruce. Don't get me wrong, the other batkids can do the "Hey X thing" "hm" "okay" thing, and on some level can do the "hm" "hm" thing too, but they can't do it quite to the same extent as Danny can, and its from those years where it was just the two of them.
but yess!! I agree! Danny's got experience with that kind of obsessiveness, Bruce reminds him a lot of his parents that way and he understands it the best out of all his siblings as a result. It also means, however, that he willingly goes in to drag Bruce out of whatever obsessive rabbit hole he's fallen into, if he feels that Bruce has been too hyperfocused on something. He saw it with his parents, and it ended up killing them. He's not losing another dad because of his foolish tunnel vision.
#bruce is so much quieter than his parents but man if danny doesnt understand him. and maybe bruce comes to learn what dannys used to as well#comes to learn to speak his affection and open up so much more. to make danny feel more comfortable and welcome
AGAIN, NO NOTES. This is perfect and yes. I've got nothing to add.. okay I lied, i just needed a moment to think. Bruce isn't the most physically affectionate person, but he starts to be thanks to Danny, who is very tactile. Same thing with verbal praise, Danny hardly got any of it in school or, regretfully, at home since Jazz tended to get all the praise.
Bruce tells him "good eye" once after Danny spotted something before Bruce did, and Danny preened so brightly Bruce genuinely wondered if stars were going to appear over his head. He'd gotten his hands on video footage about Phantom that had shown him doing that exact same thing.
(oh which reminds me. The moment Danny tells Bruce about his previous hero experience as Phantom, Bruce goes on a research helldive to get his hands on everything about it. He's watched every single video showing Phantom. There were very few videos of Phantom that weren't videos of his fights, which were horrifying to watch on multiple levels.
Including but not limited to the fact that ghosts could apparently survive the most lethal of injuries, and he was never going to get the image of Phantom yanking a steel pipe out of his chest out of his head, or him pulling out a broken chunk of glass from his throat.)
(It was even worse seeing videos of Danny's parents shooting at him. That was a long, uncomfortable conversation.)
Another time Bruce is asking Danny about being a ghost, and Danny wistfully tells him that the thing he misses most is flying. Grappling through the city is the closest thing to it, but it's still fundamentally different -- and in some ways more exciting -- than flying. The closest comparison he could give is an indoor skydiving ring.
Bruce, a week later, rents out an indoor skydiving ring for the day and Danny spends hours inside the wind tunnel. He tells Bruce all about the similarities and differences in the car on the drive home, and then tells him that next time Bruce should try it too.
Just, all-in-all, seeing how these two interact and impact each other is what makes this so appealing to me. Especially with early years Batman. And I had so much fun typing all this out, thanks for the opportunity to infodump haha.
#UGH OP THIS POST TT-TT
AH YOUR TAGS <33
I am loudly pushing the batdad agenda i am loudly pushing the— DPxDC Prompt
“Woah. You look like shit."
Granted, that’s probably not the first thing Danny should be saying to the guy that just bit the curb, but in his defense; he’s not running on 100% right now either.
The man -- tall, towering, and broader than Danny is tall -- whips around on his heel, black frayed cape flaring out impressively. Danny would've whistled in appreciation, but he takes the time instead to wipe the back of his hand across his mouth, smearing the blood running from his nose across his cheek.
"Sorry." He blinks widely, not even flinching as the man with the horns zeroes in on him. "That was rude of me. I have a really bad brain-to-mouth filter; Sam says its what always gets me into trouble."
And she's not wrong either, per say. His smart mouth is what landed him in this situation -- with blood blossom extract running through his veins and cannibalizing the ectoplasm in his bloodstream. Thanks Vlad.
The man grunts at him; a short, curt "hm" that shouldn't make Danny smile, but he does because he's somewhat delirious and probably concussed. The man keeps some kind of distance, sinking towards the shadows of Gotham's alleyway like he dares to melt right into it.
If it's supposed to scare Danny, it doesn't work. Danny's never been afraid of the dark; he's always been able to hide himself in it. He blinks slowly at the mass of shadows.
"You look hurt." The shadows says, blurring together around the edges. Danny squints, and licks his lips to get the blood dripping down his chin off. Ugh, he hates the taste of blood.
"I am." He says, "My godfather poisoned me. M'dying." The agony of the blood blossom eating him from the inside out looped back around to numbing a while ago, so all he feels is half-awake and dazed.
"Hey," Danny stumbles forward towards the man, a bloodied hand reaching out to him. "You-- you're a hero, right? You're not attacking me; which is more than I can say for most costumed people I've met." Maybe it's a poor bar to judge someone at, but he's already established that Danny's not in his right mind.
The man makes no change in expression, but Danny realizes blearily that it's hard to tell with the shadows on his face. He stays still long enough for Danny to latch onto the cape -- stretchy, but almost soft under his fingers.
He looks up blearily into the whites of the man's eyes. "Can you help me? I don't-- I don't wanna die." Again. He doesn't wanna die again. He blinks slow and lizard-like. "I mean- I'll probably get to see mom and dad again, but I told them I'd at least try and make it to adulthood."
There's a clatter down the street, and Danny's ghost sense chills up his spine and leaves a bitter, ashy taste in his mouth. He immediately knows who it belongs to even before the deceptively gentle; "Daniel?" echoes down the way.
"Daniel? Quit your games, badger, Gotham is dangerous for children."
Danny's mouth pulls back, and blood spills against his tongue. "Please." He rasps, and grabs onto the shadow's cape with both hands. "Please. He's going to kill me. Please--"
"Daniel? Is that you?"
His lips part, dragging in air to plead with the darkness again. He doesn't need to, the whites of his eyes narrow, and the cape whirls around him before Danny can blink. Soon swaddled in shadows, the Night lifts him up, and steals him away.
#fr tho. anyone reading this should look up the Battinson Wayne Manor if they don't know what it looks like. It is SO goth and i love it#its gorgeous imo#i was looking up battinson movie clip compilations last night and my favorite fucking line from him is and will always be#[“we just got you on assaulting an officer!”] “you got me on assaulting three" LIKE YOU SASSY MFER. THATS HILARIOUS DUDE#batman being a troll is my favorite thing ever and ever and eVER. im adding these tags as i go along can you tell#found family doesn't need labels but in this case im putting them on there.#flora-boros is a play on of the word 'flora' and 'ouroboros'. eyy. get it? flora because. well. the blood blossom is a flower and ouroboros#cuz the ouroboros is the self-regenerating snake eating its own tail for all of eternity. ectoplasm is the tail and the flower is the head#personally i really like the idea that danny's got some proficient martial arts skills thanks to his mom. skill may vary.#but if i were to apply it to BB. danny can hold his own pretty well but he's not anywhere near batman's level. he's creative tho.#wow this took me a long time to reply to. somehow?? danny gets a scarf because that's the design i gave nightingale and i think it fucks#this reminds me. danny purrs and has other minor ghostly stuff he does instinctively in his human form. that kinda fucks him over because#it activates or disturbs the ectoplasm in his blood. which in turn disturbs the toxin. it won't make him severely sick. things like#coughing fits are common. but so is nausea. hot flashes. fatigue. chronic pain. sometimes vomiting. the whole ugly nine yards.#smth smth there's an appeal to the tragedy between the man who never fully grew up cause of his parents' death. and the kid who#never got the chance to after his parents caused his death.#throwaway idea: after bruce is told about Danny's accident and subsequent death he later goes out and silently makes Danny a grave#he doesnt think it's fair that danny never got one. its simple and subtle bc he doesn't really wanna bring it up with danny.#im trying to think of what it would look like and. throwaway design but it's a stone tree stump where instead of just plain rings there's a#star chart carved into the flat part. it looks like just a kinda dramatic statue but behind it Bruce has a small plaque and Danny's epitaph#on it. its in the only part of the garden that's not overgrown and bruce plants flowers around it. he thinks it could work as an adequate#substitute until Danny can get a proper headstone. It's danny's favorite spot in the whole garden and he doesn't get why. he thinks its#the star chart. bruce has found danny fast asleep beside the stone tree; using the flat part as a head rest; more times than he can count#mmmm i think thats everything i've got in my head for now.
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ugh
does anyone have. literally any tips for when you're fructose and lactose intolerant, allergic to soy and shellfish, might potentially have a sensitivity to gluten and egg, and easily get heartburn from any red meat. while also being physically unable to cook for myself (mostly bedbound + kitchen is full of mostly broken appliances)
#not eating tw#chronic illness#irritable bowel disease#irritable bowel syndrome#food allergies#food sensitivities#food intolerance#adding as many tags as i can think of because i am just desperate and want people to see this#i haven't eaten properly in days i desperately need a meal i haven't eaten a real meal in days#im just eating lettuce right now but its not enough i still feel starving and horrible#i ordered these like. enzyme things that might be able to help me digest some of these things#but it'll probably take over a week to arrive because it's from an international company and DHL in this area fucking sucks at their job#i might be able to ask my mother to cook something for me but it depends on the ingredients and what we need for it#bc she's in her 60s so she's not much more physically able than i am and she struggles to understand certain ingredients#unless it's a meal mix that comes with clear instructions she usually gets confused easily
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#hmmmm#vent cw#dont read this#no seriously i warned you im being a whiney piece of shit#I should probably be worried about the 3-day long panic attack ive had going on#the physical symptoms really are rhe works- the swimming vision the dizziness the tight chest feeling that is uniquely 'anxiety'#and then you add the inability to think for more than like 5 minutes about any given topic#the stress to the point of wanting to cry when things go slightly wrong#but ironically i cant seem to summon any actual anxiety about the anxiety#juat a blank numbness there#really do need it to stop tho as i think its destroying what little appeal as a human i had left at this point#and its seriously hampering my ability to get work done#which i absolutely need to be doing bc if i dont finish my work i cant take on more work#and if i dont take on more work i will officially no longer be paying my bills next month#'sky this seems like talk for a therapist not hidden tags on the tumblr dash' yeah I dont think sitting on this for a month will work#'talk to a friend about it then' hahaha no at least here anyone who reads this fuckin chose to#putting up with me normally is a big ask putting up with me when im needy & anxious & breaking down bc its Too Fucking Much?#lmfao hell no i like my friendship INTACT thanks#a bitch is not about to be a drain on emotional resources when said bitch cannot contribute fuckall of value thats how you make it all worse#and then a month later the therapist cancels so i just keep adding tags to this post bc no one will read them#but i feel like im “talking to someone”#the panic attacks stopped but i have no idea why#i mean im still feeling unusually heightened anxiety 24/7 but its not causing physical symptoms#not like it was anyway#and at least now being anxious makes sense#its a bunch of small to medium shit id probably feel better about if i talked more#but the less i talk and just observe people from a distance unseen the happier people i care about seem so#im literally a fifth wheel so the least i can do is not squeak and alert others to my presence#i really need to get better at art and get faster at working so i can have SOMETHING to offer#oh wow theres a tag limit apparently guess i have to find a new method bc making a new post is begging for attention & I don't wanna do that
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"...and now a quick 1-1.5h simmer" why do I do this
”quick fast dinner, gotta go to sleep soon” then pray tell,, why are u cooking things in separate batches?? and ohmygod is that tomato sauce mf reducing on the stove ?????
#it's a race against the clock bc I'm cooking with wine aka I'm now drinking that wine on an empty stomach#(ok im lying; not that wine i'm drinking a diff one but anyways)#making like a real nice pasta sauce the long way#was supposed to just have a quick pasta but I was there mf ''deglazing the pan'' so figured might as well just go for the whole deal#shame I didn't think ahead and didn't buy celery nor carrots#so it's just bunch of diff things so it won't be as good as it would with an actual soffritto#also I made more than I originally thought so could've gone with more garlic & chili (I don't want it actually spicy; just a lil heat but#it's got none rn (and I don't think that'll come through anymore than there already is))#but I'm not adding more of those bc am already past that phase#(chili as in chili peppers; not the sauce)#chili flakes/powder is an option yes but I'll see abt it later#thinking about adding lentils tho but I should make that decision like now#and I'm not fully sure yet about what direction I'm going with here#thinking about maybe making it a creamy version but that's the last decision so I'm not in a hurry with that#except gotta up the spices if I wanna do that tho#so maybe I should actually think abt what I'm trying to eat today and stop writing silly little Tumblr tags#july 2024#2024
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