#and im like well shut the fuck up! im thinking fem spinner!!! like being self conscious about how she looks and developing it on accident

[jamiethebeeart]

:D (I ramble in my tags about this)

[upsideoffalling]

vulnerable - ellie williams

summary: you and ellie are best friends, but there’s something more there. you figure out what that ‘something’ is together.

warnings: language, bit of mwah and sexual tension i guess. i only proofread this once, because if i do it more than once my autism and anxiety tells me its fucking horrible and to never ever post anything ever again and delete my tumblr account and move to mexico so im sorry if there are mistakes.

notes: the last of us ii ellie x fem reader. Fluff and i think a little bit of angst as well (if i did it well) also a bit of spice (nothing too spicy though) both characters are 19.

word count: 2.6k tehe

a/n: my first ellie fic, hope you guys like it. It’s literally been 3 months since ive posted anything and here i am, not dead!! (only on the inside) okay, i am putting the authors note here because i know a lot of you might not make it to the bottom, or might not read the bottom, but let me say this: if you’re one of my peter parker stans, i promise you, something is coming. I’m just exploring my horizons a bit and that being said, i am writing and accepting requests for peter parker and ellie williams. so please don't hesitate to msg me. 

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Being born in an apocalyptic world full of devastation and death only promised one thing: loss. So, finding people, survivors to call your family was not something to take for granted.

Ellie was your best friend in the entire world (or whatever was left of it). You didn’t really know what friendship looked like before the world turned on itself, but you could imagine it looked something like your friendship with the girl.

You don’t even remember how the two of you started talking when you first arrived in Jackson. The both of you were shy and awkward and didn’t really go out of your way to make conversations with people, so it was baffling enough you had somehow managed to forge a friendship that didn’t only consist of stutters and awkward waves.

 Everybody around you knew you were completely infatuated with each other, but they also knew it was a little more than just two best friends. Whenever you felt the tingles in your arm when hers brushed with yours, or the way your stomach flipped when she walked into a room, you told yourself it was because you idolised her. Because she was Ellie. How could you not? Despite this, you knew deep-down your feelings for the girl weren’t only friendly.

And there she was, laying right next to you in your bed, reading a comic she found while out on patrol in the voices she thought the characters had. Of course, she just ended up sounding like an absolute dork, but it was one of the things you loved about her. You were rolled on your side and facing her, while she was flat on her back, comic caressed between her long fingers.

“Wait, wait, wait. This one here,” she pauses to take a deep breath, switching herself into character but not being able to push past all the giggles escaping her mouth. You can’t help but laugh into her shoulder as well. Her happiness was contagious.

“Spinner-moth! I have come to avenge- “ she laughs through the most ridiculous voice, and you instantly explode with laughter, slapping the comic book out of her hands while you both shake until you have tears coming down your faces. You can’t help but watch her. Jaw tilted up to the ceiling, mouth open with laughter, nose scrunched and eyes clenched shut as tears escaped them. 

For everybody else, it was rare to see moments like these; where Ellie was exclusively herself, giggling so hard her cheeks started hurting. But for you, you were lucky enough to see it fairly often. Ellie really did feel like she could be her weird, talkative, crazy self around you that she had suppressed around everyone else. This kind of comfort was a little frightening for her, she just had to hope and pray she didn’t come to regret it. 

“You are such an idiot!” You swipe at the tears on your face and the two of you slowly calm down, the remainder of one last giggle lingering in the air before it's silent again.

There were many moments like these throughout your bond. Too many to count. You did remember the first time you ever saw the girl laugh. You’d just fallen off your horse after trying to mount it, landing straight in a puddle of mud. You almost hated her for laughing at you, but a few minutes later you joined her, and then she taught you how to properly get on a horse.

“Damn, my ribs are fucking aching.” Ellie snickers, rubbing at the bones of her ribs, lifting her shirt ever-so-slightly to expose her stomach beneath it. You fight to keep your eyes on her face, but that doesn’t last long before she disappears under the sheets. With a fond smile, you join her, both of you then lying on your side to look at each other.

You let your eyes flicker across her face. From the green eyes staring right back at you, to the auburn hair that was splayed across her face. You wanted to lay next to her forever and trace the freckles on her face. Your eyes fall to her lips that were lifted in a shit-eating grin.

“You good?” She asks you in a teasing tone, eyebrows scrunched together and raised.

Under the sheets, it really did feel like a riff to another world. Like the thin piece of fabric that was enfolding the two of your bodies somehow dragged you away from reality and humanity. It was somewhere you could be vulnerable and honest without facing the repercussions later. At least, that’s how it felt. And maybe that’s why you decided to blurt the first thing that came to your mind.

“Has anyone ever told you how pretty you are?” You reach out to brush some of her hair behind her ear, skimming the soft skin of her cheeks gently. Pretty was putting it lightly. Right then, under the blankets with only the dim lamp on in the otherwise dark night, beaming in just enough to see her face, she was perfect.

You can’t help but smirk cheekily when Ellie’s cheeks turn a shade of pink, and once she understands your expression, she grabs the collar of her shirt and lifts it up to cover her face, exposing the skin just above the belt of her jeans.

“You’re an asshole!” She scolds, but you can practically hear her smile.

“Hey! I’m serious.” You laugh, grabbing her wrists and pulling them away from her face until you can see her again. “You’re hot. And you know it too.”

Ellie snorts. “Oh, me? Yeah. I am so hot. I have a line at my door of people just trying to catch a glimpse of me.” You could tell Ellie wanted to divert the conversation. She didn’t like talking about herself much, or when the attention was on her, or compliments, or anything of the sorts.

“Okay, okay. I’ll drop it. But, just to clarify, I really do think you’re beautiful.” You bite your lip, feeling a wave of emotion wash over you at the girl’s pink cheeks and shy smile. It was like you were looking at her with newfound vision.

“Well, so are you.” Ellie makes an awkward face and does her best to avoid your eyes while she reaches out to you, fingers dancing delicately across the faded stretch marks below your hip that were exposed when your shorts had ridden up.

You watch her expression soften, eyes intently focused on the pattern her fingers were drawing against your skin.

“What are you thinking about?” You ask her, and your heart swells at the immediate smile that lights up her face. You resist the urge to brush your fingers against her cheek again. Instead, you rub your thumb over the scar on Ellie’s outstretched arm that was barely covered by her tattoo.

“You know,” she starts, a breathy laugh leaving her lips as she shakes her head at herself. “Joel told me a couple of days ago that he thinks you like me. Like, like me, like me,” Ellie only pauses for a moment, but in that moment, you feel your heart drop so hard you’re surprised it doesn’t shoot out and hit the wall behind you. “And I said, ‘well that’s not possible, Y/N doesn’t even like girls, so-“

“First of all, where is Joel? I’d like to personally deliver, this-” you stick your middle finger up at Ellie, “- to him,” there’s a playful grin on your face to compliment the amused one on hers. “And, second of all, who said I don’t like girls?” You raise an eyebrow at her, not missing the way her eyes light up in the slightest. She was sure you could hear her heart thumping in her chest.  

Ellie splutters and trips over her words. “I didn’t- well, I just thought-“ she cuts herself short, lips falling in a straight line and making a face that says ‘shit, you got me.’

“Okay, that’s my bad. I shouldn’t have assumed,” a breathy huff escapes her lips and she covers her face with both of her hands, groaning into them.

You giggle at her reaction, still feeling the slightest bit giddy as well. Jesus, was your crush that obvious to everyone around you, but you?

“And thirdly, what if I do have a crush on you?” Your voice is a little higher than usual, probably because your hands were beginning to sweat and your throat was tightening up, the telltale signs you were nervous as fuck. You try to keep a neutral expression.

Ellie moves her hands away from her face, eyes flickering around your own, searching for a sign, any sign to tell her if you were joking. A few moments go by and she shakes her head, plastering a smile on her face with a roll of her eyes. “You don’t.”

“What if I do?” There’s no hesitation.

Her face falls back to a curious expression. This was everything she’d been waiting to hear.

This kind of comfort was a little frightening for her, she just had to hope and pray she didn’t come to regret it. 

Her walls shoot up. Her cheeks turn pink. Her heart is pounding anxiously in her chest, looking for a way out. It also wants to shield itself from you. You, who could break it in seconds with two words; ‘I don’t.’

She bites her lip, a flash of a hurt expression lasting for a split second, before she’s throwing the sheets off her and climbing out of your bed. Your bed, where you comforted her whenever she fought with Joel, when she broke up with Cat, when she had a rough day patrolling. Where you kissed her forehead and stroked her hair until she fell asleep. The bed she slept in more nights than her own.

Maybe you were telling the truth. Maybe one day she’d believe you. But from the moment she met you, she spent everyday convincing herself she could never be with you, that she didn’t deserve you. She would only be your best friend, nothing more. It was too late.

“Ellie, what’s wrong?” You call out, jumping out of your bed after her and following her into the living room. Her hand was on the door-knob, ready to leave, but you grabbed her wrist to stop her. “Look at me.”

She freezes, lip between her teeth, eyebrows furrowed as she tries to compose herself enough to face you. What feels like hours later, she turns around, eyes immediately meeting with yours, and your heart aches at the tormented expression on her face.

“Ellie?” You had no idea what went so wrong, so quickly. You don’t release her wrist, scared that she would leave the second you did, but you move your other hand to her cheek, only for her to turn her face away. Your heart drops, you feel the tears spring to your eyes as she stares back at you like you’re not really there. “Can you just tell me what’s wrong?”

“You’re lying. I get it’s a joke, and it’s funny, but at what cost? My feelings?” She raises an eyebrow at you, she hoped you couldn’t see how hard it was to keep a straight face.

You just shake your head, mouth open in shock as you stare straight back at her. “Ellie, what if I do?” You push, eyes unwavering to show how serious you were.

“What are you doing, Y/N? Seriously.”

“I want you to tell me, what if I do? What if I do, and I’m scared to tell you, because I know you’ll freak out? Like you are right now.” You release your hold on her wrist, swatting frustratedly at the single tear that falls from your eye. “What if I do, but I’m scared you won’t want me back?” Your voice cracks as it falls just above a whisper and you turn away from her, holding your hands over your eyes and willing yourself to keep it together. 

Ellie takes a deep breath in, feeling a little less vulnerable when you’re turned away from her. She wrings the ring and pinkie finger on her left hand, staring down at them as she fumbles over the words to say. She hated seeing you cry. She could count only on one hand how many times she’d been the cause of your tears.

“You know what my biggest fear is?” She looks back up and at your back, seeing your shoulders visibly stiffen at her words.

“Spiders.” You sniffle after a few moments, not daring to turn around.

Ellie looks down again, a small smile on her face at the fact you remembered. “That’s kind of my, bullshit-superficial answer I give people,” she fidgets with her hands again, tongue toying with the inside of her cheek as she ponders whether or not to tell you. “My biggest fear is… Losing people - you know, ending up alone and stuff.” She wipes her hand across her nose, not looking up as she sees you turn around out of her peripheral vision. It was easier to talk to you when it seemed like you weren’t there.

“So, when I realised I liked you, I convinced myself that nothing could happen between us, that you’d never like me back, because liking you and thinking you didn’t feel the same seemed a lot better than liking you and trying to, you know, be more than friends, and then losing you because of it.” She admits, only looking up when your feet move towards her, just in time for your hands to cup her cheeks and pull her into a kiss.

Ellie’s eyes are open in shock, but once she recovers, she’s kissing you just as hard, just as passionately with a level of delicacy at the same time. She kisses you like she’d been dreaming of this moment since forever. She’d never tell you that she had.

Her hands grab onto your wrists, then they’re on your cheeks, then they’re resting on your sides, right where your ribs are. She doesn’t know where to hold you, she can’t get enough. 

Your tongues lock in something of a frenzy. Lines are blurred, friendships are ruined, but something else, something better is sizzling in its place. Something Ellie is already terrified to lose.

“I don’t wanna lose you,” Ellie slightly pulls away, breath tickling your lips and words falling out in pants. Eyes glued shut, forehead tilted down to yours, she doesn’t see the look of pure love in your eyes as you stare up at her.

“Then don’t.” You whisper, stroking your thumbs over the freckles on her face.

Minutes pass like this. Your hands on her cheeks, hers on your side, foreheads touching and eyes closed. 

“Everything has changed.” Ellie mumbles after some time, her voice hoarse and crackly. 

“Change isn’t always bad, El.” 

She opens her eyes at this, just as you do, and she smiles.

A small, simple smile that told you she trusts you. That she’d try with you.

You bite your lip, trying to stop your own smile from being so gigantic that you look like an idiot.

“You know, I’m still going after Joel.” You remind her, butterflies swarming in your stomach when her eyes meet with yours, a cheeky glint in them.

“Be my guest.” 

Ellie was right, everything did change in that moment. Your safe, happy and healthy friendship morphed into something a little more dangerous. You both knew it was something you had to work hard at. Being in a relationship was hard enough, throwing an apocalypse in to the mix added a certain feeling of doom to it. 

Between the two of you, there was a silent agreement. You’d have her and she’d have you. No matter what. Two best friends who loved each other, kissed each other, told each other things only lovers do. 

She’d give her life for you, you’d do the same for her.