#actually obsessed. also the original music video fucks severely

[astranauticus]

found an animatic so good its inspired me to seriously consider starting work on that rwd set me free animatic again as if i dont already have 64521234 other things to be working on. why must you do this to me

[vampirewillows]

was tagged by the ever lovely @zhalar to share 9 albums i've been listening to, thank you for the opportunity <3 i've included my self-indulgent commentary on each, and i tried to mostly pick ones that i've specifically been listening to recently! (ps. thank you for songs you shared in the previous tag game we had, several ended up on my playlists)

lazily tagging anyone who sees this and wants to do it! just say i tagged you. i love hearing ppl talk about music

my album commentary under the read more cut bcs i ended up elaborating a lot

i. chappel roan, "the rise and fall of a midwest princess" — ALBUM of the YEAR. to me. i know it came out last year but still. no skips, love her and this album so so dearly. i need it on vinyl stat. inject that shit into my veins etc. current faves: guilty pleasure and super graphic ultra modern girl, but i did also recently listen to california for like a week non-stop

ii. ethel cain, "preacher's daughter" — again i'm LATE to this one, but as far as concept albums go, this is. the peak. like just. screaming crying throwing up, even. i made a powerpoint presentation abt this just so i could share its story with a friend. INSANITY. faves: american teenager, ptolemaea, sun bleached flies (i forgive it all as it comes back to me............. kill me)

iii. taylor swift, "tortured poets department" — i went to the eras tour earlier this month. speechless! wow. i still haven't recovered OR finished listening to all of anthology but i sure have been blasting who's afraid of little old me and but daddy i love him

iv. metteson, "look to a star" — actual album of the year for me. saw him live this spring and he was so so sweet (was manning his own merch booth afterwards and complimented my make up <3 also signed my vinyl) ANYWAY insane voice? like simply unbelievably beautiful. and this is just the debut album??? future records might simply eviscerate me i'm afraid. faves are second heart (!!!), naturally (but nothing comes natural to me / nothing comes naturally...... augh) and heavier than a heart

v. pet shop boys, "nonetheless" — breaking news my favourite old gay men are still releasing bops and bangers and heartbreaking melodies. this released close-ish to my birthday so i've claimed it as a birthday present. what more can i say, they're my favourite band of all time <3 faves rn: new london boy (skinheads will mock you, call you a fag / last laugh is yours, there's a brick in your bag!!) and bullet for narcissus

vi. orville peck, "stampede: vol. 1" — i adore this cowboy beyond measure. as i think i said in a different post, i don't usually care for features and duets, but this does indeed fucking slap. insane vocals as per usual. love the concept. can't wait for vol 2, and also, mr. peck PLEASE come to europe. faves: miénteme and cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other <3

vii. sea power, "disco elysium" — this is FINALLY on spotify!!! the game of all time, and the soundtrack is equally heartbreaking and hardcore (to the mega). i was going Through It at some point this spring and replayed DE and then just listened to burn baby burn outside whilst smoking. european depression core. faves rn: burn baby burn, saint-brune 1147 (small pinewood church) and precinct 41 major crime unit

viii. jan valta + adam sporka, "kingdom come: deliverance (OST)" — finally bought this recently when it was on sale and my god i'm so glad i did. an immensely entertaining game that you can tell was made with much love. henry of skalitz my SON. been listening to the soundtrack on/off, currently absolutely obsessed with the song poverty and famine (and särmä if you're reading i think you might vibe with this one?)

ix. alkemie, "pentiment (original soundtrack)" — rounding up with another video game soundtrack because i'll simply never get over pentiment. stole my heart in a major way. this soundtrack is STUNNING. can't do it justice with words. my faves rn: sic arsit historia kiersis and rüdeger's rehearsal

[asteria7fics]

How did you come up with the idea to make TSOB?

You know, I’m surprised to say that I don’t think I’ve answered this question on Tumblr before!

The short version that I tend to tell people is this: I was bored at work one night, working the closing shift, and I had an epiphany. I thought to myself, “Isn’t it weird that I take so much comfort in terrible characters? Like Agamemnon, and Cartman-… wait a damn minute!”

Seriously, it occurred to me that Agamemnon and Cartman actually had quite a few similarities, and then I realized that Kyle would make an excellent Achilles, and the rest was kind of history.

The long version? Well, how much time have you got?

I can’t really pinpoint the moment when I got really into Greek Mythology, and Classical/Ancient Greece in general, but it’s been an interest of mine for several years now.

I spent hours just exploring Greece in Assasin’s Creed Odyssey (as well as taking detailed notes in the historical tour mode), watched so many YouTube videos, read a great many books, etc.

Reading was actually where my love for the Trojan War in particular began. Idk man, there’s just something about those characters, and that conflict, that I adore.

I could give you a list of contemporary novels I’ve read and really enjoyed, but you didn’t come here for book recommendations ahaha so I’ll spare you the details, but suffice to say it was the only thing I read about for like a year.

Fast forward through a really intense k-pop obsession (it’s still a majority of the music I listen to. I’m listening to Ateez as we speak) and I’m in the throes of a new interest. Fucking South Park.

I really did just, get the idea one day. I was around season 15 of my first time watching the show (though I had a ton of stuff spoiled already, hence why I made Heidi and Cartman exes), and I had just started reading fanfiction. I had no intention of actually writing the damn thing, but the more I spitballed ideas with a few select coworkers, the more I realized the thing needed to be written.

Who else but my crazy ass would write this thing, really?

I suppose I should also add another, small piece of inspiration. Right before getting into South Park I actually decided to be surgically sterilized. I won’t go into detail as to why I made that choice, but the idea crossed my mind while developing the story to have a side plot where the adults are losing their minds over all their condoms going missing (because, yah know, they were needed for warfare!) and the whole town gets caught up in this big debate over if the man or the woman has the responsibility to be sterilized, should a cis & straight couple choose to be done having children.

Obviously this would have been a Randy and Sharon heavy debate, and I’m glad I didn’t include it as a proper plot point. In my mind though it does still occur, the kids are just totally oblivious to it. Likewise, the adults are totally oblivious to how ridiculous their kids play war is getting, until of course there are real consequences to the whole thing.

There’s one bit that alludes to it, when Annie has gone to the little girl’s house to discuss getting her Switch back and the girl’s parents are arguing about something they ‘don’t understand’. A fun remnant of a plot point that didn’t quite make it in!

Anyway, I’ve already broken down the story beats and how they correlate with the original text in this post, though if you were wondering where Cartman and Heidi canonically get their inspiration, I like to imagine they binged this show while they were together. It’s actually a pretty entertaining retelling, I would definitely recommend it to a casual enjoyer of Greek Myths!

Wow, that was a lot! If you actually read all of that, thank you!

And thank you for this ask, friend! (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡

[bloodiedrogue]

Hi I always see you posting songs and they're always so good can we get some more recs? Maybe some Loki related songs if you've got any?

OH BOY DO I EVER!!

seriously, aside from writing and gaming, making playlists is my one true passion so i can defs give you recs. here's five random songs i've really been into:

today by q — sounds like it came straight from the 80s. strictly a good vibes song. really good for night drives imo.

runnin' by the pharcyde — arguably my favourite 90s rap group out there. labcabincalifornia is such a good album but this (and drop) are for sure my faves. also, if you like music videos definitely watch the mv for drop because it's so good and was actually directed by spike jonze!

suicide doors by blk odyssy — blk vintage: the reprise is another really good album but this song is definitely my fave.

sympathy by too close to touch — a little change in genre from the others but oh my GOD. this song hits me in the feels and the vocals are just so good. as a pop punk kid growing up this really feeds my teenage soul. <3

the summoning by sleep token — THIS FUCKING SONG HAS HAD ME IN SUCH A CHOKEHOLD it's literally the sexiest thing i've ever heard, like genuinely the last minute and a half makes me feral and i stg sleep token will most likely be my top listened to artist on spotify this year because of it.

i'm also gonna rec some loki songs; all of which can be found on this playlist because i'm a whore and whenever i find songs that remind me of him at all i throw them on there.

sexy villain by remi wolf — pretty self explanatory, hehe.

time moves slow by badbadnotgood & sam herring — this is the song that started the playlist. mostly it just reminds me of how loki's constantly leaving; opting for a life of solitude, and ultimately how much harder it gets each time he disappears. originally it was the inspiration for a tva!reader x loki fic that had some major severance vibes i had going but like always i got distracted and switched projects.

they don't want by electric wire hustle — when i tell you this song is MY loki song, i mean it. i swear, just listen to the lyrics and you'll get it.

trouble by cage the elephant — another self explanatory one. loki's always getting into trouble.

laughing on the outside by bernadette caroll — as someone who's obsessed with movie/tv scores, my dream is that one day marvel uses this song for loki.

[time-keepers-blade]

Small details about my oc's

I wanted to drop some random pieces of info about my oc's just for funsies.

Dustin/Demix

☆Will absolutely suck down Barq's root beers. His favorite soda of all time. He's usually buying three 12 packs at a time because he truly does drink that much soda.

☆A sucker for sweet foods. He loves loves loves most chocolates, though he tends to lean more towards milk chocolate candies.

☆Absolutely an animal lover. Dogs, cats, rabbits, birds, frogs, lizards, snakes, you name it, he thinks it's cute. He's always wanted to grow old surrounded by lots of animals.

☆Despite his love of most animals, insects and arachnids scare him. It's just something to do with having so many legs and feet that makes his skin crawl.

☆Is a true 90's baby, obsessed with Nu Metal and Indie rock. He's the dude who still has Nirvana posters everywhere in his room, and he swears up and down that he doesn't have a crush on Kurt Cobain. (He does, but who can blame him?)

Zakariah

•He loves to cook. It's his love language to feed those around him. If he never feeds you, he probably doesn't like you. If you mention having a favorite food you best believe this dude is gonna start cooking it for you ALL the time.

°He's the tallest amongst his friend group, standing at 6 feet on the dot. He uses his height to his advantage literally every chance he gets.

•The gamer of the group. If he's not cooking, he's playing some niche video game that he saw online. He also loves horror games, which has lead to many sleepless nights of him fighting through several bosses and cursing out the game for every little jumpscare.

°A total romantic. His ideal date is cooking a big meal for his partner, decorating his entire house, then having your typical post-dinner movie marathon.

•Loves all things Halloween. The same goes for Dustin, actually. Both dudes are obsessed with the whole month of October, they both affectionately call it 'Espookie Month'

Rosalinn

♡Lover of all things Christmas. She's the type that starts playing Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving. Hell, she'll play Christmas music at Thanksgiving dinner, it's her way of saying 'fuck you' to the original true story of Thanksgiving.

♡Despite her nickname being based on a rose, her favorite color is pink. She's tried dying her hair pink before, but it came out more of a pastel pink rather than a bright pink. She loved it either way.

♡Another animal lover, she wanted to be a veterinarian when she was younger.

♡Will eat anything with potatoes in it. For some reason, she's just obsessed with potatoes. To her, there's so many ways to cook and consume potatoes, which means that they're truly the best vegetable out there.

♡Despite her main jobs revolving around destruction and fire, she has a major green thumb. When she has downtime, she's more than likely in her garden, tending to her plants. She grows veggies, herbs, flowers, all of it. Her favorite plant is the Aloe Vera, and her favorite flower is white wisteria.

[jensenscomedyelbows]

For me, in that opening scene, when (Dean's only wearing underwear in bed---from our perspective now after nearly 10 years of layers/long sleeves/ jackets/overcoats, it's like my god Dean was in bed in his underwear! I can see LEG HAIRS! and it kinda slams you like a freight train of hotness), and Sam comes in and wakes him up? Sam was behaving oddly and with forced cheeriness, like something was bothering him that he didn't want to talk about. Dean asks him if he slept, and he hasn't, and he's dreaming about Jess. So we know right away that this is gonna be a thing between these two: a thing where one hides pain/fear/vulnerability and the other obsesses/pokes at it/tries to get it out of the one holding it all in. Ha! Remember when it was that simple?

Music 🎵

Black Sabbath - Paranoid

Rush - Working Man (intro)

Awww, the first exorcism of the series! And Sam performed it on an airplane that was plummeting to earth! I was like omg I will not survive this series.

Also: was the first time the boys had to wear SUITS. They’re successful, eventually getting into the hangar to test the plane wreckage for EMF (Dean’s homemade EMF meter–so cute)

The main thing for me was the revelation that Dean is vulnerable! In several ways. Firstly, there’s an unmistakable flash of hurt when Sam pokes fun at the EMF meter. He can be hurt! By little things! And the (biggest? worst?) thing he’s afraid of is the very thing they have to do to solve the case and save the people. It seems like it’s an irrational fear, and he’s funny, really funny in this episode for the first time. Sam is the strong, focused one here, tolerating all of this, and he is forceful, telling Dean he has to calm down or risk possession himself. That just makes Dean even more uncomfortable and afraid, and funnier! WE know that plane’s not going down, and I find that oddly comforting, having experienced a fear of flying myself a long time ago. It’s chaotic and scary and there’s lightning and Sam has to reach that journal to finish the exorcism…meanwhile, Dean is freaking the fuck OUT in the back…funny! They’ve never done this (exorcised an actual DEMON) before! Dean tells Sam he’s not sure demons are “our thing.”Oh, sweetie.😔

That explosive decompression of the plane when the cargo door gets ripped off has happened more than a few times in real life, and twice with headline-making numbers of fatalities. Boeing had a huge problem with their cargo doors in the 1970s, and yeah, that EA Flight 401 really did happen in 1972. They finally removed every single spare part that originated in that aircraft from all the airplanes that were using one, and replaced them all with brand new parts just to stop the “haunted airplane parts” urban legend from taking hold. It did anyway. Yay urban legends! I watched too many plane disaster videos on YouTube to feel entirely comfortable with this particular Big Bad.

Haha, you’re exactly right that the plot is inconsistent, but I again didn’t care because of the character dance going on between Terrified Dean and Capable Sam. Role reversal. And the revelation that the plane demon knew about Jessica sets off the whole demon mytharc, which lasts…forever?

GUEST ACTOR ALERT: Arnold Rosen, M.D. from season 5 of Mad Men, husband of Sylvia-whom-Don-was-fucking-all-season, is the guy who calls John/Dean for help with the Phantom Traveler demon. He also played Amelia’s father in season 8, and his name is Brian Markinson. *applause*

Also: the boys continue to be beautiful. And those suits were hilariously bad.

Rewatched 1x04 Phantom Traveler

I'm not sure where to start with this episode. There are so many iconic scenes and big mytharc moments. It's ambitious and entertaining. At the same time, I can never suspend my disbelief enough to really buy it. The haunted airplane story doesn't make a lot of sense and ends up feeling silly to me. I do love that this ep has J2's first DVD commentary, and the contrast of their personalities is as pleasing as Sam and Dean's.

We get a surprising beefcake shot of beautiful Dean sprawled in bed in his underwear 👀, leading to the iconic Ackles Ass Equation. It's awkwardly introduced by us seeing Sam in shadowy silhouette entering the motel room and pausing in the entrance while the camera does its slow, voyeuristic creep up Dean's exposed, sleeping form. Okay!

For the mytharc expansion they pack in a ton of demon lore, not all of which is used later, like the one-off "Christo." It's funny on rewatch to note which things stuck and which didn't. The parts of the mytharc that stick with me most are the crumbs we get about the enigma that is John, especially in relation to Sam. Like the outsider PoV stating John was proud of Sam, Sam's surprise at hearing that, and Dean's knowing look.

JERRY: We're missing the old man, but we get Sam. even trade, huh?

The Sam Is Like John theme comes through in a few ways. We're shown Sam at the motel framed by a wall of weird, like John's. And he's the one to find and read the Latin exorcism in John's journal. Sam takes on John's parent role in this ep, as Dean is nearly incapacitated from his fear of flying.

DEAN: Sam, this plane is going to crash, okay, so stop treating me like I'm freakin' four!

It'll always make my ears twitch at the mention of Dean at 4, the age he was when Mary died and John became Dean's drill sergeant.

I like that this ep can be enjoyed on a lot of levels. You can watch it unseriously and have a great time. I still chuckle at the "acid reflux" joke, and the moment Eric Kripke's voice (added in post) mentions the movie Poltergeist, and Dean's many fear of flying comedic bits. They clearly went all out in production to make this ep feel bigger. But by the end I'm relieved we're back to the basics, the boys with Baby, listening to John's voice message on a flip phone.

A couple final notes:

Jared's voice is still quite Texas twangy at this point, especially in the commentary.

The venetian blinds lighting is one of my favorite things they reuse throughout the show.

Love that this ep shows Dean as a tinkerer. He takes some pride in making the new Homeland Security badges and the EMF meter, and by contrast Sam is the unimpressed sibling.

[homo-sex-shoe-whale]

Online shipping, the fetishisation of gay men, and the romanticisation of queer trauma

An essay by me!

Word count: 2.8k

A link to the Google Doc version of this essay.

A big thank you to my friends Nathan @themeerkatnate, Mav @not-mavv , and Duke @dukedark-ness for reading this essay and giving me their thoughts as mlms on the topic. Make sure to check out their blogs and give them a follow!

So I was on a lovely website by the name of Twitter.com yesterday, just scrolling through while having my afternoon cup of coffee, when I saw that viral post of a girl reading a Larry fanfic through a classroom projector. I'm sure most of you have seen it. It's gone viral on Instagram, TikTok, and likely Tumblr too, and if you haven't come across it I'm positive you will soon.

Now, after getting through my initial reaction to that post which was, holy fuck, that's so embarrassing, I had a second reaction of... wait, this ship is still around?

And after I had some thoughts on the incredible permanence of some online ships and the weird obsolescence of others, I did get to thinking of how lots of these popular ships seem to stem from the same types of perceived relationship dynamics and homophobic stereotypes.

These online fandoms often seem to have an obsession with objects of queer trauma, such as having to hide a relationship, lying about sexuality for self-preservation, and even social rejection. So, after some opinions from my followers and the great archive that is the internet, I've decided to discuss some of the most popular examples of online shipping and the particular nuances they came with.

NOTE: Out of respect for all these people, I won't be sharing viral images or videos of them in perceived romantic proximity (or even kissing, as is applicable for some examples), but I will be describing certain moments I deem to be relevant. So even if you're unfamiliar with them, you won't be confused as to what I'm talking about.

NOTE 2: Although not all people within these fandoms were/are toxic, this essay is focused on the overall toxicity of the fandoms, and how they are toxic more so as a "hive" than as a group of individuals. When I refer to a fandom I don't mean every person involved in the fandom, but rather the collective impact of the group.

 1. Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson 

This is arguably the most popular example of online shipping. The absolute permanence of this ship, and how its fandom never seems to fully die off even beyond the lifespan of One Direction as it once stood, is downright impressive.  

I'm going to be the first to admit I was never in the loop with this fandom. My childhood best friend was actually a massive Larry shipper and asked me to beta read one of her fics, but that was before I even knew who tf Harry and Louis were! Not because I avoided the fandom or even because I rejected the online shipping, but just by coincidence, I delved into the world of pop punk music right when One Direction began gaining its popularity. I bought my first ever album, Riot by Paramore, in 2011- only a year after One Direction made their X-Factor debut. So, this fandom just bypassed me by a sort of weird coincidence.

But I don't need to be in the loop with this fandom to know the astronomical obsession with these two men, no, these two BOYS, was extremely toxic. In 2010, when One Direction made their debut, Harry Styles was only 16 years old. And Louis Tomlinson wasn't much older at 19! This made the two of them incredibly young when this unprecedented wave of shipping hit the internet, and although that must be traumatising for anyone, I cannot even fathom how overwhelming it must've been for two boys that young.  

I'm 18, almost 19 now, and I cannot begin to imagine how scary it was for the two of them to have their every interaction nitpicked within an inch of its life by thousands upon thousands of people online. I do not know this myself, but from numerous recounts by some of my followers, this massively impacted Harry's and Louis' nondescript relationship in real life, seemingly driving the two previously close friends apart. 

Now, before we move on, there's something we need to talk about. And that is the obsession with the dominance/submission dynamic within the world of gay shipping. 

With almost every popular mlm (an acronym meaning man-loving-man) ship based on real people, it seems that fandoms have a particular fascination with power imbalances in these relationships. You don't even need to look at the insane amount of fanfictions based on BDSM to figure this out. In almost all of the examples I'll be citing today, there is an age gap within the perceived relationship and a person the fandom has seemingly decided to be the top/dominant figure. 

Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are 3 years apart in age. Although it isn't all that relevant now, an age gap of 3 years when you're in your late teens is a lot more significant. In 2012, for example, when this shipping really started gaining traction, Harry Styles was 18 and Louis Tomlinson was 21. That power imbalance, albeit not that significant, is enough for a fandom to latch on to. We'll see this a lot more in the coming example with Dan and Phil.

 2. Dan Howell and Phil Lester

It's impossible to have a discussion about internet shipping without talking about Dan and Phil.

 Dan Howell and Phil Lester, although being popular YouTubers individually, are arguably one of the internet's most iconic duos. The two creators published their first videos together in 2009, and while their relationship was already a motive of speculation back then, the peak of the "Phan" shipping definitely came in the 2013-2016 era of Tumblr.

Now, I'm going to admit… I was actually on Tumblr when that happened. 

The 2013-2016 period perfectly aligns with my middle school days (I started middle school in 2013 and high school in 2016), and I was not only on Tumblr back then, but I was on Wattpad too! Again, this wasn't a fandom I had much contact with as I had a huge anime phase in middle school and I was on Tumblr posting mainly photography and Soul Eater content more than anything. 

But I did watch some of Dan and Phil's videos! And the occasional "Phan" content did not completely evade me as one of my closest friends in middle school had a fanchat for them. I wasn't involved in the fandom myself but they were actually one of the few English-speaking YouTubers I watched once in a blue moon (back then I watched mainly Brazilian YouTubers). One thing I did in fact notice over the years, around 2014ish perhaps, was that the two of them seemed to grow increasingly "awkward" around each other, in a way that many folks on the internet thought was reminiscent to Markiplier/Jacksepticeye, two YouTubers who also dealt with extraordinary amounts of shipping.

I'm not the only one who thinks this. The change in Dan and Phil's relationship, at least to the outside world, was clear to almost anyone who watched their videos for a while. I cannot blame them at all. The shipping was nuts. Between the countless fan videos, speculative comments, and insurmountable number of fanfics, there's no way the two of them didn't feel the weight of the shipping. The term "demon phannie" made its way into internet vernacular and there it stayed for years. Even Shane Dawson, who was one of the largest creators on the platform at the time, made several videos speculating on the nature of Dan and Phil's relationship and their sexual orientations. 

There was even porn made in which actors with similar appearances to the creators were made to have sex on camera. 

Now, this is actually a rare example where the two people involved in the ship actually came out as gay once the shipping seemed to die down. I'm incredibly happy Dan and Phil both reached a point where they were comfortable being publicly out, but I hate to say I'm shocked this day ever came. If I'd gone through what the two of them did, I don't know if I'd ever trust the internet. 

And again, this ship's fandom definitely had an obsession with the power dynamics they thought existed between the people within the ship. Dan Howell is 4 years younger than Phil Lester, and was only 18 in 2009, when they started making videos together. From my personal understanding, the shipping was often quite focused on this dominant/submissive dynamic especially in discussions from their early relationship. And this is in no way exclusive to Dan and Phil.

This general fascination with the older man/younger man dynamic, in my opinion, plays into the homophobic stereotype that gay men are predators. The idea that gay men usually seek younger men, and somehow "convince" them to engage in homosexual relationships, is popular homophobic rhetoric. The popularisation, exaggeration, and fetishisation of these power imbalances, in age and/or in relationship dynamics, is directly harmful to the mlm community. 

Not only that, but the romanticisation of a "hidden/forbidden relationship" is also detrimental not only to gay men and the mlm community, but to queer people as a whole. Queer people face huge trauma having to hide their relationships; queer attraction is already a societal taboo. And acting like this is good, or even desirable, is harmful to queer people as a whole, regardless of whether or not it's actually applicable to the people being shipped. It normalises this trauma not only to cisgender, heterosexual people, but to impressionable queer youth who grow to believe this type of trauma is to be expected. 

3. Frank Iero and Gerard Way

This is another example where the perceived power imbalances between the two subjects of the shipping were directly exploited online. Now, this ship did precede the others mentioned above. If we're looking at this topic chronologically, this particular ship did come first in the shipping timeline. It's closer to the origin of the shipping extended universe, if you will.

In case you aren't familiar with them, Frank Iero and Gerard Way are both members of the American emo band My Chemical Romance. This ship is the first one here of which I don't recall the full popularity. It really peaked in popularity around the late 2000s, circa 2008. And I don't remember this moment online as in 2008, I was only 6 years old and believe it or not, I wasn't really all that concerned with rumoured homoeroticism as a first grader. 

However, the popularity of this ship did carry over into the 2013-2015 Tumblr shipping boom. The emo fandom (or "bandom" as it was called) involving not only My Chemical Romance but other similar bands such as Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, and Pierce the Veil, found its hub on Tumblr. 

During this time, I did in fact listen to this style of music, but was focused a lot more on the anime side of Tumblr as mentioned earlier. Of course, I wasn't 13 years old like, "hey, this type of content might be harmful and can inadvertently perpetuate homophobic stereotypes," I just happened to care more about my silly little anime and ended up not getting involved. 

This ship does involve a discussion that the others don't, however. With Frank Iero and Gerard Way, there is quite often a certain sentiment of, "Oh, they brought this upon themselves!" as the two band members very famously kissed during a show in 2007. In my opinion, though, this doesn't really justify all the obsessive shipping. If you look at Green Day, a band often grouped in with MCR as another famous pop punk group, the members don't follow too different of a trajectory. Billie Joe Armstrong has, on numerous occasions, kissed both of his fellow band members onstage- particularly Tré Cool, the drummer. And Billie Joe Armstrong is openly bisexual, which none of the members of MCR seem to be but some, or even all of Billie's bandmates, are too. 

You'd think Green Day would face a lot more shipping as the more persistent onstage homoeroticism and Billie Joe's openness about his sexuality would warrant more "substantiated" speculation. However, Green Day faces nowhere near as much shipping as My Chemical Romance. Why is this? I actually don't know. It might've been because Green Day has been around for over a decade longer and generally has an older fandom, but I really am not that sure. 

 It could also be because of the lower lack of potential for forced relationship dynamics. The members of Green Day are all less than a year apart in age and are even similar in height. However, Frank Iero is 4 years younger than Gerard Way, who is not only the frontman of My Chemical Romance, but also considered to be the group's intellectual and creative "leader". Even beyond that, Gerard Way is quite visibly taller, and the perceived power difference between the two of them definitely did not elude their fans. 

This difference could even be partly due to the lack of a "mystery" with Green Day. There's not as much to speculate as, well… the members of Green Day are already open about their sexual orientations. It might be that shipping in the Green Day fandom has less of a forbidden appeal for most people. 

Of course, I won't just keep repeating myself, but my previous points about forced relationship dynamics still stand.

4. Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch

Better known for their roles in BBC Sherlock as Sherlock and Watson, Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch unfortunately had their roles follow them well into real life. This is the example I know least about, so have these thoughts from a follower by the name of @indubitably-a-goblin, who had the following to say:

"the main issues i had with it were:

a) they were both married at the time, freeman to amanda abbington and cumberbatch to sophie hunter (in which both had children)

b) the main reasoning for it was their chemistry in the many projects they've done together. which is, shockingly, their Whole Job. They're actors! That's what they're supposed to do! if they weren't good at interacting then they wouldn't be good actors! i don't know how people can't understand this.

c) they're real people. we don't know them. we aren't friends with them. we aren't their family members. we have zero right to be pushing this onto them and ruining their friendship by doing so. (this one relates to most of the ships you've mentioned though)

d) healthy friendships between two men are ignored so plainly in most medias and in fandom. its obvious that these two men have a relationship, but that doesn't mean it's a romantic one.

e) its fine to ship their characters, but actors shouldn't be treated as less-than-human or some sort of prop. they're doing a job, and once they are off-screen, they aren't here for your entertainment."

I believe she did a great job of summing it up on her own, and for the sake of avoiding redundancy, I'll leave it at that!

5. Corpse Husband and Sykkuno- an emerging yet subtle example

I am absolutely positive you remember how popular the game Among Us was a couple of months ago. And with the popularity of this game, some of its most prominent content creators became the targets of online shipping- as is the case with YouTubers and streamers Corpse Husband and Sykkuno. 

Although the shipping involving these two creators is nowhere near as strong as it was/is with the examples above, I do think there is once again a reemergence of a common theme here. Whilst Sykkuno is known for his happy-go-lucky, almost "innocent" persona, Corpse Husband is the antithesis of this, known for his much darker and moodier personality. 

Do I even have to mention what the common theme seems to be?

Again, although the popularity of shipping - at least with real people - seems to have died down a bit since the Tumblr shipping boom of the early to mid 2010s, I do believe this example is worth mentioning. Even though the creators are still close, they have in fact expressed discomfort regarding the shipping, and I can only hope the internet as a whole lets their friendship blossom and exist naturally without obsessive speculation. 

My final thoughts

As explored in the essay:

The romanticisation of objects of queer trauma as a part of online shipping normalises queer trauma to both cishet and queer youth. 

Online shipping, especially at a high intensity, can end up negatively impacting the very relationships they pine over. 

The relationship dynamics often forced on mlm ships perpetuate homophobic stereotypes about non-heterosexual men. 

If anyone else has thoughts on this matter, do share! This essay is moreso an opinionated observational piece and isn't meant to be taken as fact but rather just as my thoughts on the matter. I hope it was useful as a reflective piece regardless!

Date of posting: June 16th 2021

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

March 2021 Part 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. 

This is a LONG ONE, it’s been A WEEK everyone. 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Lovely Writer Ep 5 - a little slow this week, but at least Gene finally flirted back, and very cute flirting it was, too. Also we got Aey’s motivation, background, and love interest. Thank goodness for that. 

Brothers Ep 8 - still pants, what can I say? Clearly I am a BL masochist. Very embarrassing for everyone concerned. 

1000 Stars Ep 9 - the conflict over Tian’s father was REALLY well done. The plot of this drama is excellent, the leads are great together, and yes I totally cried. What, you didn’t? 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Word of Honor (China) Ep 16-18 - big battle fighty fighty stabby stabby. Ep 17 switches to “this drama isn’t big enough for two chaotic-neutral godlings!” So what do they do? Drink together and bicker... A LOT. Then in Ep 18 we all get the dubious joy of really freaky puppets. (I HATE puppets.) Also how is China letting this be so SO VERY VERY GAY?  Also, I wanna walk through the forest wearing a smanshy purple robe and waving a big fuck-off white fan around simply because I’m a pretentious fuss monger. And frankly, I feel like this is an achievable life goal for me. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 4 - not gonna lie, this is looking to be one of my top 3 BLs of 2021. It’s SO GOOD. Big bonus to this ep for treating stalker behavior like the mental illness it is and not as some dumb representation of enduring love. 

The Most Peaceful Place is My Place (Vietnam) Ep 1 - finally dropped (find it under NƠI BÌNH YÊN NHẤT LÀ VỀ BÊN EM on O2′s channel). It’s got actors already comfortable with BL and looks pretty good so far. An angry tsundere uke reunited with his ex, a stoic chef, giving us lots of snap, crackle, and pop out the gate. 

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 2 - I want to love it, but it is just moving too fast. There’s not enough character dev and then they’re throwing flashbacks in? It feels like a treatment rather than a show, and a rushed treatment at that. Bummer. 

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 2 (AKA Ep 3-4) - let the cheesy popcorn continue! Idiot remains an idiot; ingenue remains an ice queen; nice gay guy remains nice and gay; obsessive stalker brother is getting ever more whackadoddle. Of course these last two have the best chemistry. (It’s caregiver codependency and the salvation trope. We got us a Leo/Fiat situation going on.​) Plus lots of classic BL tropes because OF COURSE there are lots of tropes. 

Occasionally, I am tempted to argue that shows like H4 or Cherry Magic or Ossan’s Love aren’t technically BL because of the office setting and age of the protags - but then they all behave like high school students anyway, so *shrug* 

Stand Alones

Cute little Taiwanese micro BL Friend or Lover dropped, about bisexual realization within a friendship group. Normally these are too short for me, but this one did pretty good with its 15 minutes of charm, plus it’s abad boy + shy softy pairing. 

Breaking News - Thai BL

Fish Upon the Sky released its actual trailer. The upside-down kiss is gone, which makes everyone sad, and it seems far less rivals to lovers than the first iteration, which makes ME sad. But it still looks good and a more classic BL than GMMTV has given us in a while. New trailer focused more on the makeover trope and they’ve upped Mix’s role (the object of everyone’s affection) now that he’s proved himself. (Or they are using him more to carry the trailer since he has a fan base form 1k*). Starts April 9 on GMMTV in 1K*’s time slot, probably with a 10 ep run. 

2gether the movie is apparently coming April 22 to Thai theaters. F4 Thailand must be having issues or GMMTV just wants to milk the BrightWin cash cow. It’s rumored to be a combination of 2gehter + Still 2gether with some extra scenes and ending. Also, one assumes a lot will be cut out, if it’s movie length.

Call It What You Want released its updated trailer. If anything, it looks more scary than before. What are we in for? April 9th. 

Nitiman got a release date, May 7 on One31. 

I Told Sunset About You 2 got an updated release date of May 27 on LineTV. 

Second Chance the series is coming to LineTV on March 29. I don’t know much about this one. Tons of familiar faces (mostly TharnType side dishes) and some nice looking new talent but a dearth of eng subs. I think it may take on Brothers’ time slot. Line did eng subs for Brothers so maybe they will do 2nd Chance too? 

Close Friend the series is coming April 22. This is a combination of 6 couples with 6 story arcs as music videos (maybe)? It’s an epic fan service with familiar faces like OhmFluke (UWMA), MaxNat (LBC also in Y-Destiny), YoonLay (YYY also in Y-Destiny), KimCop (GenY), and JaFirst (TT2).

Y-Destiny starts March 30, and has starting dropping couple’s trailers. I’m still suspicious given the director but it seems like there is plot (or plots) and a theme. Looks to be a series of 7 single ep vignettes (amended, see comments, might be 2 eps each for 14 eps total), different couple each time, some with supernatural elements, all with decent chemistry and acting chops. 

Sun MaxNat’s tutor/student arc

Mon jaded rich kid meets poor innocent  

Tues sports romance enemies to lovers 

Weds the messy realistic actual dating one 

Thurs hot ghost boyfriend (sad) 

Fri YoonLayPerth coping with loss and finding new love (sad). This one will all rest on Lay's acting so we know it’s in safe hands. Our boy is going to KILL it. 

Sat time-slip memory loss reunion romance 

I’m thinking we can’t expect any of these to end happy or be classic BL. They’re gonna be more slice of life-ish. 

Gossip - BL Outside of Thailand 

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) got a legit teaser (eng sub here). @curriculumvtae​ reports that it’s releasing April 15th on WeTV (Philippines & Thailand) and Idol Romance (South Korea), while Will of Thai Bl says it’ll be on Viki too. It’s a short run of 8 ep built on a fake relationship trope (arranged marriage variant):

Ryu Ho Seon’s (Kang In Soo from You Wish) arranged marriage turns out to be with his expected bride’s brother, Choi Ki Wan (Lee Se Jin from Mr Heart). Ryu tries to undo the marriage, but his ill mother opposes this saying the scandal would be too much. Meanwhile, Kim Tae Hyeong (Jang Eui Soo from Where Your Eyes Linger), a senior at Ryu’s school, comes to congratulate him and falls in love with Choi. Then one day, the original bride disappears.

Okay it seems a bit twisty turny for ONLY 8 EPS, but oh my goodness how excited are we? Our first intentional historical BL out of Korea!

We already knew Hong Kong was doing a remake of Japan’s Ossan’s Love under the same name (not my favorite Japanese BL but so very popular) but it’s now reported to be coming to Viu in June. Who knows how the CFA will take it. Depends on whether Hong Kong bows before the NO GAY KISSES regs or if they are going to use this as a political nose thumb... things could get cray with this puppy (the original has several kisses and s shower scene). Are we back in Addicted territory only with added comedy and civil unrest?

Speaking of Japan, Absolute BL (AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko) dropped sooner than anyone thought, March 27. But being Japanese who knows how/when/if we get subs. Protag finds himself trapped in a world of BL, but being straight he fights against any hot guy that draws near, but the whole world (literally) is conspiring against him. It’s a parody adapted from a yoai.

What with Absolute BL from Japan plus Lovely Writer and Call it What You Want from Thailand, is 2021 the year of BL being ultra self referential? Sure feels like it.

In Case You Missed It

Faded a gay micro film from Taiwan from 2017 deals with parental acceptance and serves up a ton of BL tropes (piggyback, forehead kiss, etc). I’m pretty sure this was a propaganda piece for legalization of gay marriage, and it’s an interesting nugget of BL history as a result. Yes, it ends happy. It’s cute. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

Man there’s a lot going on right now! Spring has sprung... I suppose. 

P.S. I cannot believe I missed Absolute BL as a blog name. Numbnuts = me. 

[kingofthewilderwest]

I know you aren’t keen on getting a bunch of asks recommending media, but is there anything you’ve gotten into lately that you’re during to pitch to people?

Let's see. ^.^ I'm currently watching Adventure Time. This is my first time watching every episode sequentially (circa 2013 or 2014 or so, I watched a spattering of episodes out of order but never finished the show). Currently in S6. I absolutely love how the world grows in Adventure Time. You can tell the early seasons were written with little in mind, simply going out, being wild, being spontaneous, and creating a wacky, trippy world. But that turned into a world with great depth, heart, and expansion as the series continues (especially once you enter Season 5). The worldbuilding is awesomely done.

I feel like lots of shows, when they transition from "early spontaneity" to "long-term comfort," they lose something. I think of Futurama. The early seasons of Futurama are incredible because it's not formulaic to the viewer; events are unexpected; new characters are introduced rather than repeated, expected, predictable recurrences. Futurama is still a HELL of a show in its middling seasons, etc. and a fave of mine. The Office (USA) also has that challenge/loss. But damn, Adventure Time managed the transition INCREDIBLY smoothly and well, I love how you settle into the world. How you get into the depth. How you get worldbuilding. How you get into deeper story messages. And how even in the midst of all that, you still maintain that spark, that spontaneity, that uniqueness, that vibe that made me get interested in the show in the first place.

Adventure Time straddles the line between two types of off-kilter: the positive, quirky-bright off-kilter, and the slight-off-slightly-dark-off-kilter. It's great. I've also heavily appreciated the cast of characters, how there's a ton of women characters, and how they're all very interesting, in-depth, and not standard/stereotypes.

But uhhhhhh. Really my current hyperfixation is. Uh. Bluegrass. [laughter] Seriously. Bluegrass. Especially first generation bluegrass circa 1940s-1960s. I made a fuckin' sideblog intentionally to avoid folks unwantedly suffering juxtaposition of fictional fandom and music history obsessing. Heh. Hilariously, I've been timid to show the true depths of my screeching passion. Rn I'm trying to do blog clean-up and a mini-restart (halfway through retagging my posts! and planning to change how I write my posts so they're shorter, etc.), and trying to get more outgoing... because let's be real, it's going to be more entertaining if I'm gungho crying screeching infodumping unrestrained about the subject, whatever your background is on the subject. I know I enjoy reading posts on any topic if the writer is sufficiently excited, so I need to uh, channel the excitement! SO THAT'S WHAT I AM PLANNING TO DO.

And seriously that's where all my excitement in life is right now!!! It's changed my life and I'm not even joking (not gonna go into here rn why but yeah it has). Like holy shit I can't get enough of reading about these dudes from the 1950s. I can't get enough listening to them, watching videos, learning the little nothings, the stupid humorous stories, the Drama(tm) between competing bands, the development of the music, me learning how to play banjo and fiddle, writing creative stories (fics????) inspired by the topic, everything!!! I can listen to a recording and tell you which fiddler is playing in this band or which mandolin picker or which tenor is singing and probably estimate what year it was recorded because like, holy shit man, I have found my CALLING. I've started collecting 100 year old records! I'm heading to a bluegrass festival this weekend for three solid days of internal (and probably external) fanboying. Gah it's like, fucking, there's all those K-Pop fans out there and they have each other to scream with, and i'm all here by my lonesome on this fucking genre. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE FOR THE BETTER so I cannot be happier at where my mind has headed.

So if you want to uhhhh read..... THAT??!?!?!?!?! uh? I mean, I don't expect you to be interested. BUT YOU ARE WELCOME TO COME ABOARD AND POKE ME and see what the stupid fucking shit I've somehow managed to get myself into. Okay but seriously it's so coool like all the different banjo playing styles??? How many people innovated their own style and taught themselves to play? ALL THE DIFFERENT INFLUENCES THAT GO INTO BLUEGRASS MUSIC??? How it's simultaneously a hella progressively innovative music style from its inception to today while also considered USA American traditional music? How many of these songs are several hundred years old and originated as English, Scottish, and the like folk tunes? How you might find out a bluegrass song actually originated as an obscure broadway tune that got coopted, or a Jamaican folk song, or big band jazz, or...? I mean holy cow dude, music is awesome and i'm so glad that it's a major part of my life again.

a;eogiaje;roigaje;roiagjerioj I have no idea if this is anything you wanted, but that's my answer I guess! Full of incoherence. Have a great one and stay awesome.

[pochiperpe90]

Interview with the director of “They Call Me Jeeg”

Interview with director Gabriele Mainetti about the movie and the Zingaro (Luca Marinelli)

When I think back to “They call me Jeeg” I think of the Zingaro. In your film there is one of the most beautiful villains of Italian cinema of recent years, how was he born?

We wanted to create a villain that wasn't just bad. We wanted to give it a three-dimensionality, complicate it and make it fascinating and original. In my opinion, the Zingaro is a very successful character and much loved by everyone for a specific reason: because they feel him close. He is the victim of what is a bit of a contemporary neurosis, that is, the need to showcase himself. We are now victims of how many likes we get on social networks and how many views does the video we post on YouTube, and he’s interesting because when he was a kid he performed in a singing interpretation on ‘Buona Domenica’ and then he lived what many people did: he become a meteor (it means that his fame lasted very little). But it’s as if he had never accepted it and brought with him this narcissistic attitude, and he wants to become a respected and almost famous criminal, but it makes no sense, because criminals when they become so important have to live in basements, it's not that you can show off, so it's a bit of a nonsense, and that's all the madness of the Zingaro.

It was interesting, because when I met people to do the auditions they all came with - as they say in Rome - 'the nostrils of the nose widened like bulls', as the kind of bad guys who beat you. But the Zingaro is an intelligent, sophisticated character, with a talent, who can sing, elegant, who has his own aesthetic idea, he is beautiful, and therefore I needed someone who would bring me the intelligence of the character, and Marinelli although at beginning was very distant from what you saw on the screen, had made me glimpse this necessary feature.

The stakes were high. It was difficult after seeing Luca Marinelli as Cesare in Claudio Caligari's ‘Don't Be Bad’ to think that in a few months he would be back with another strong character.

I shot a year before ‘Don't be bad’ and this helped him a lot, he always recognizes it when he can. Luca was far from the peripheral element, he is a boy who grew up in a modest family, in the streets with his friends, but still he was in Prati, he wasn’t in San Basilio, in Tor Bella Monaca or Corviale. He has never experienced one of these realities, and this character must have had this reality in his blood here, and the need to redeem himself socially and find the famous 'turning point' of the criminal. I took him, took him to Tor Bella Monaca, we did a lot of tests, it was a very intense job. At the beginning there was a moment of jealousy, not because the ‘Maestro’ had taken him, but because it was released first, but it was right. At one point I said: "What do I care!", Caligari taught me so much with two films - if they say that Caligari has made little cinema, it’s the biggest bullshit that can be said, because in Caligari’s movies there is more of that cinema that in a hundred films of many morons. The fact that he saw this light inside Luca and the fact that I also saw it inside him, means that something works. I love Caligari, I love him as much as I loved ‘Don't be bad’.

I admit I was almost upset when at the press conference at the Quattro Fontane, here in Rome, Marinelli arrived in plain clothes, not dressed as the Zingaro …

He is very shy, very reserved, he’s exactly the opposite of his character. Paradoxically in life Santamaria is the Zingaro, and Enzo is Luca Marinelli …

The nice thing about the Zingaro is that we discover his character and his past little by little, when we think that the character has been defined and yet, not really. I loved his unexpected obsession with Italian singers, four queens of the Eighties: Loredana Bertè, Gianna Nannini, Nada and Anna Oxa …

We actually had an Italian singer in mind but we were unable to involve him, we thought of replacing him with another singer but we continued to find only women and we said to ourselves "but she doesn't have the power of this one", and in the end the idea: "but why don't we take several, as if he was an expert?", and this thing was born a lot with Luca, especially the musical choice, we went there, we evaluated them, we discovered which ones we could use - because you know music always has a cost ... I am a lover of all four singers put in the film, TOTAL, which should probably lead me to question myself about my sexual orientation, right now I continue to heterosexualize everything, but I love them, a lot, and I loved Anna Oxa when I was little, Berté despite now looking like Mickey Rourke is always super, great, she always has a crazy voice.

Since we met the Zingaro, with some of my friends, we greet each other with: «C’è una ragione che cresce in me»

To think that someone posted to me on the Internet: "If I started singing such a shitty song, it means that the film is really beautiful!", and I replied to him: "But how dare you saying that “Un’emozione da poco” is a shitty song, you are a shit!».

What was it like shooting the scene in which Luca Marinelli, in a shady club, sings and dances in a sequined jacket, shirtless, with just a glove, with his hair back, with high-heeled boots and tight pants, the song by Anna Oxa?

Luca did it I think 15 times. In the end, the voice was right, Luca has a very strong voice, he is very resistant, he never loses control. I made him do it a lot of times, because he wanted to make it perfect and I kept following him. I have told it through many fields. We have thought about it a lot.

Look, the Zingaro was a very difficult character. The look, how to throw his hair, how to dress him, how he had to sing, how he had to perform, which tattoos… is the character we have thought about the most. Then if you notice he is clearly a quote from David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust, especially in the final part.

Another thing that I liked so much about your film is that there are no good and bad characters. Bad guys are never just bad guys. And it’s precisely the weaknesses of the characters that make them close to us, the Zingaro who sings at the top of his voice “Non sono una signora” in the car with friends as if he was at the stadium, Enzo who eats the usual cream pudding in an atmosphere of extreme desolation in front of the TV, Alessia fixed with a single DVD, a cartoon for children. “They call me Jeeg” is a film about superheroes who are real people, who are so real that at different moments in the film we identified with a different protagonist of the three.

Thank you so much because this thing you say, is not easy. Usually the emotional vehicles are always one or two, three is tough. It all depends on how the writing is set up. The character is the most important thing in the film, because it’s the emotional vehicle of the viewer. In America they had already tried it in some films. Super didn’t have super powers but he was a sort of vigilant who disguised himself and went to do good, he was a loser in an American town who clashes with this boss, microboss of the underworld, and must kill the Evil. The Manichean vision between Good and Evil, which is very American, still makes me laugh.

This attempt to mix what I call the ‘Pasolini element’ with the ‘fantastic element’, which I had already tried in my short films ‘Tiger Boy’ and ‘Basette’, comes naturally to me. You know, I was lucky enough to have done the American school, I was part of the University in New York, my grandmother lived the first years of her life in New Jersey, I have relatives in New Jersey, my sister lives in America, I have a very "happy" relationship with America, the American system is total crazy, but I understand their cinema, and I understand their fictions, and I understand why we digest some things and we don't digest others, I know how we work. For me, the only way to get to the suspension of disbelief was to tell characters that are as real as possible, then hook on to a very strong experience. Because if you are so passionate about him, you can't not believe him when he has super power, but he has to react to super power as anyone would react. They are really well written.

This thing here makes me laugh ... No one has ever focused on this thing. This guy falls from the top floor and runs away! Escape! What the fuck are you running away for? He wasn't hurt but he runs away, he has to run away because he's afraid, he goes back home and if he has to, he can't think about it yet, he doesn't think about it yet, but it's typical of someone who doesn't want to have responsibility. Then when he gets angry that he punches the wall, he still struggles, and when he becomes aware of the fact that he has super powers, since he is a criminal, what does he do? He rob an ATM, to buy more yogurt. That's where the stuff works. If, on the other hand, you made him fall from the top floor and then say: "Damn, I’m so strong!", he would jump again, climb up, smash his head, gut, takes his cocaine, it seemed, you know ... but what are we talking about.

The 80s songs, Buona Domenica, YouTube, superheroes, the Roman suburbs, the Olympic stadium ... the mix of elements that are part of the story of “They call me Jeeg” could be very risky, but the way it’s narrated makes this a winning combination. You tell things you know without judging them.

Exactly. Many kids call me and tell me: «Ah, but how did you do it, but how did you do it», «How it should be done» I replied: «Guys, you should talk about things that concern you!». You have to talk about the things that belong to you, and try to insert them into what the cinematographic genre is, that genre has its codes, if you want to do an even more extreme operation, but I don't recommend it, you have to completely subvert them. But you have to make it work for what you are doing. I am an admirer, for example, of Puglielli's ‘Dorme’, it's a WONDERFUL film; he recounted the frustration of his height, which is actually a shortness. We must start from the things we know, from our frailties. Unfortunately, the American superheroes, especially the Marvel ones, lately, are all plastic. I always ask myself, a question that always arises spontaneously, but how the fuck do they put all that spandex stuff on? How do they get into it? Do they all oil themselves first? It looks like a wetsuit ... I find it really ridiculous. In fact, it's not that I don't like superhero movies, I like Batman, because he still has a great internal conflict and everything, but here I need characters with great fragility. My favorite superhero movie is The Guardians of the Galaxy, because I know five ramshackle people who have the responsibility of saving the world. And they manage to do it, how? Because they establish a true relationship between them, which is that of friendship, and realizing that they love each other, they understand that they can also love others and say to each other "Oh well, let's save these assholes", it's fantastic, it's fantastic, it's beautiful. I can empathize with them. Certainly with Superman I can’t, I can’t succeed.

In the days I watched “They call me Jeeg” I had arrived at the third episode of Jessica Jones, the Netflix series in which the protagonist takes the opposite path of Enzo, from superheroine to 'normal' person, investigator with somewhat special powers. What do you think of recent series or movies that have a superhero at the center?

I saw the first two episodes but it bored me a bit. Deadpool is just the answer to this clean cinema, with him farting, getting sodomized by his partner and he's nice, but he didn't convince me too much, because he is in reaction to the plastic of these super heroes, and therefore he mocks everyone. But I don't give a damn about that either. I want the story of a person, I want the story of a character, that's the thing that excites me. I saw Daredevil and I didn't mind, it wasn't bad.

The background of Rome in “They Call Me Jeeg” is an important component. Are there any Italian films set in recent years, in the capital, that you care most about? I think of Romanzo Criminale, The great beauty, Don't be bad, Suburra.

They are very different films. Sorrentino has such a unique look that one cannot fail to recognize it. Formally it’s indisputable. Sometimes, from a content point of view, there are some things that I probably can't grasp, and I don't know if it's my limit; I like to get excited, the staging excites me, but I don't know, I love ‘La dolce vita’, I love Fellini, I love ‘Otto e mezzo’, that distorted and grotesque vision that he had ... but there is no comparison, that would be nonsense.

“Don’t be bad” is certainly the one that excited me the most. Who wants to make a certain type of cinema, social cinema, committed cinema, should study this ability of Caligari (but how much has he been criticized? Because yes, "Masterpiece" and that and that, but everyone criticizes a lot of it, because they are infamous ‘rosiconi’ → jealous people in the Roman dialect). What Caligari teaches is that he puts you next to a character with extreme problems but makes him feel like a friend, makes you understand that he is like you and allows you to identify. He has a deep friendship which is that between Cesare and Vittorio, he has a love story, the character of Cesare, as well as that of Vittorio, even the drug itself is experienced as fun at the beginning, as a sort of pact of love between the two of them, then you understand many things, that is something that is a great lesson in cinema, it’s a lesson in profound cinema, of cinema that interests me, cinema that excites you.

Romanzo Criminale is a very successful genre operation, which has highlighted the possibility of tackling the genre when it was thought to be banned; when I had this subject in 2010 I used to shoot like a jerk for all the productions and they said to me that: "Don't have to do this thing, because it doesn't make sense, genre cinema isn’t liked in Italy, it doesn't work, it's a waste of time, among other things, we don't have the skills to organize it», and instead Romanzo Criminale, then the series, then Gomorra the series, Suburra, now they make Suburra the series, is telling the opposite. Fortunately there is a Romanzo Criminale, fortunately there is ‘The Great Beauty’ who won the Oscar, fortunately there is ‘Don't be bad’.

DUDEMAG

Just wanted to translate this old interview for the non-italian’s fans ^^ (sorry for my English)  

[vaguely-concerned]

R-r-r-rewatch thoughts for The Mandalorian S2 Ep2

(or Chapter 10 as they seem resolved to call it)

- can I just express my joy for a moment that in one episode we get peli, the answer to my pleas for female representation in the ‘sketchy middle aged car mechanic’ niche, and a female alien designed with no consideration towards sexiness. (I mean I’m sure there’s someone. There is always someone somewhere on the Internet, is the bitter truth history has shown to us. but it’s not the intention behind the design haha)  

- they do take great pains to deliberately show you boba’s armour several times both in the recap and in the episode itself, so never despair he is very likely still on his way onto our screens once more

- this dude holding the baby hostage wanting specifically the jetpack in exchange is the one (1) break this whole episode gave din lol 

also the Patented Mando Finger Curl of Stress while he talked softly and calmly to not promp this asshole to make a sudden move... the most endearing character tic, I love my space cowboy dad so much 

- fun continuity detail: din is all out of whistling birds now, and you can see it here!

I wonder if he could still use the same mechanism with different ‘ammo’, it’s just not as effective? from the way the armorer spoke whistling birds seem quite rare and it would be an inefficient use of beskar if that’s the only thing it can be loaded with

 - I love how after the last episode, a 50 min epic with a bunch of original trilogy significance and impressive technical achievements and exciting character reveals, I was like ‘yeah okay I suppose that is quite interesting’, and this mess/comedy of inconveniences is the thing that fully makes my brain tip into the obsessive ‘BABY AND DAD SHOW!! BABY AND DAD SHOW!!!!!’ mind state lol

- ah the traditional ‘mando trudging slowly but steadily through the desert’ montage we all love to see (I hope this is going to be a Thing for the second episode of every season from now on) 

Also I assume his suit has some sort of temperature regulation built in and that’s how he didn’t, y’know. die under the blazing desert sun

-

CAT FIGHT CAT FIGHT man I love the jawa. also mando doesn’t even glance over at them, really emphasizing how he’s like. done with this entire day (and it’s all barely even getting started din! i’m sorry)

 yodito’s look in this scene tho... he’s like ‘we’ve Seen some shit lady’ (actually I think he’s staring at ‘dr mandible’ like O___o. it’s been a long day for a lil boy) 

you get to see dr mandible’s cards a few times, so I assume anyone who knows the rules of... sabacc? probably? could figure out beforehand that he was in a bad spot. (the star wars fanbase is one of those where I KNOW the rules exist somewhere, and I know people who know those rules exist too)  

- that sound the baby keeps making -- the ‘boo-a’, sometimes with a p-sound at the end -- if that’s the precursor to him saying any variation whatsoever of ‘dad’ or ‘papa’ or ‘baba’ or even ‘buir’ or anything, I will die. I will sink to the ground in a heap and never get up (the way he keeps seeking out gaze contact with the helmet and seems perfectly satisfied with it too... fasdhfaskdjhl my FEELINGS)

- it seems confirmed in this ep that the mandos who died on nevarro did so while holding off the enemy so the rest(probably especially the children) could get away; some of them appear to have escaped. which I guess is a small relief

- 

frog lady stepping out of the shadows and into our hearts

I like that her firm nod after Peli translates ‘her husband has seen them’ lets us know she understands... basic? is that the common tongue thing in star wars there’s just so many to remember across fandoms lol? perfectly well, even if she can’t speak it. 

- mando might be running low on ammo for the pulse rifle, if the fact that he hasn’t replaced the missing cartridge on his... bandolier belt thingy is any indication

ETA: actually ignore me this has been a thing since the literal first episode of the show my brain just had a hiccup lol

- so baby seems to use a little bit of the force to pull the eggs towards him -- I wonder how often he ‘taps into it’ or if it’s always ‘on’ in the background for him. if so I guess there’s no wonder he’s so hungry (but also... kid you can’t end this lady’s entire family line like that one cat who singlehandedly made extinct a whole species of bird! D:)

- din so rarely gets openly angry, he just gets passive aggressive and grumpy. and that’s probably not the healthiest way to deal with things but I love him

- frog lady reacts so strongly to when din sends the ping when nothing else woke her up, I wonder if she can hear more frequencies than a human

- 

hello darkness my old frieeennnddd

- 

proof nr 1508 that din does not starve this baby you guys, he even has his own little tray just the right size for him! as it happens the baby simply seems to prefer eating things that are... still alive in some capacity. which, uh. maybe they can invest in some form of non-sentient crickets or something for him to hunt down and.... oh dear

- 

Look how they massacred my boy

By the way I finally managed to put into words why the Razor Crest -- and particularly the way it keeps getting beaten to hell and back and patched up again --  is so symbolically important and meaningful to me in this show in this post over here! it’s always a great relief to me when I can finally understand what the hell I’ve been going on about all this time and this was one of those lol

-  honestly if it weren’t for frog lady and (more importantly) the baby I think there’s a slight chance din would’ve gone ‘well I had a good-ish run of it for a while there’ and just let the ice claim him haha   

- “Why don’t you come over here and give me a hand. Make yourself useful” This is the one time in the episode I think he crosses the line into just being a dick for a moment (but noticeably the baby isn’t just a little hurt at this reaction, he’s clearly surprised and confused, which means this really does not happen often. after the time mando’s been having recently I guess a moment’s snappishness is understandable haha. he does follow up right after with being much more responsive and attentive when the baby toddles away from him, so it feels like it’s going to be okay)

also the ‘boo-ap’ sound is there again when he’s trying to get din’s attention. just sayin’ 

when din comes over to see the footprints baby makes a declarative little meep like ‘see??? I did tell you!’ haha

- it is very funny that mando is using all his technology meant to track down dangerous bounties in the grungy depths of the criminal underworld... to find a naked lady just chillin’ in a hot spring 

- 

cue the ‘father is evil?’ memes fsadfda. actually the funniest thing about this moment (apart from the fabulous finger acting) is that din actually snatches a few eggs out of the baby’s reach more subtly right before, and that baby only whines for ALL OF ONE SECOND before he goes to sniff around for other food possibilities fkadfhjkds. from my experience with human children he’s a lot less prone to tantrums. yodito doesn’t get mad, he gets even 

- baby running towards din through the hatching spiderlings like ‘DAD I FUCKED UUUUUUP’, din’s little strangled ‘ngh’ sound as he picks the baby up and watches all the creepy crawlies come out... *chef kiss* impeccable 

(that little ‘ngh’ and the soft shocked ‘ah ah AH!’s from when he goes flying at the beginning of the episode... pedro pascal and his voice work for this character gives me so much life. in some ways din has this sort of dignity and grace and in other ways he uh extremely doesn’t. he gets to be cool but also vulnerable in ways a lot of male main characters don’t and it’s probably why I love him so much) 

btw here is that moment when din moves to hold the baby tightly against him with both hands as the big spider appears, because it gets me right in the heart... it such an instinctive thing of holding on to the dearest thing you’ve got before something bad is about to happen

fdsafhsdakjlfhsdkjlhfsdajhf oh my god the baby is clutching din’s finger with his little hand during the chase!!!! 😭😭😭

this FUCKING SHOW has just WEAPONIZED putting in small details everywhere to convey the love and tenderness and attachment felt by a little muppet doll even where only weirdos like me will frame by frame their way through the video to see it I am so MAD

- frog lady going ‘fuck this’ and bounding along is  e v e r y t h i n g 

- din is an amazing shot, though, he doesn’t seem to miss a single one in this whole scene (then again there’s something to shoot at basically everywhere one can take aim so lol)

-

baby hiding behind/half hugging din’s boot as he tries to get the doors closed hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I can’t breathhhhheeeee 

honestly every single one of the baby’s proximity seeking behaviours in this ep has me on my knees 

- it’s very unfair to play the heroic happy mando music like everything is going to be fine and then have a huge fuck-off spider drop down from the ceiling and break it off mid-tune, the mandalorian, you have trained me in certain ways and now do you betray me??? how can I trust again

- the camera work in the scene with the new republic guys gives such a good sense of the discomfort of being judged from on high by someone or something you can’t really see -- the glare of the lights blocking out everything in the shots from din’s pov makes it feel like a tense interrogation (the new republic dude who is actually dave filoni has such a look of fondness as he watches din tho it’s kind of sweet)

- ...oh no I think baby was actually considering munching on that dismembered spider leg YODITO NO JUST EAT YOUR KRAYT DRAGON BABY

- hngh this is a weird filler episode and it has my entire heart. I suspect we might get some episodes of a more stationary baby between active ones like this -- you can tell a little bit in this episode that especially having him running around fast is quite difficult to have look natural, they likely save that effort up for when it best serves the narrative  

[daemadness]

1, 7, 9, 12, 16

Thanks!!! :D I’ll also put the rest under a cut because one just does not simply write short texts.

***

DIE ÄRZTE ASK GAME (click to the ask game!):

1. Wie & wann bist du auf DÄ gekommen?

It was in April 2009. My dad was on a German course and the book had “Männer sind Schweine”. The teacher (who was also later my German teacher!) liked dä so she played the song to them and my dad who’s very much into music, liked what he heard and at home of course searched for more. He then asked me (and my siblings) to come downstairs to his room because he wanted to showe us something - and it was the music video of Junge because he found it hilarious and the music really great.

At first I wasn’t sure what to think but said I could try listening to them, so then my dad started downloading and bringing me music on USB sticks all day every day until he got everything downloaded, and I just added stuff to my mp3 player whenever I got more songs. I did not speak German at all so at first I was pronouncing the name very much incorrectly (you know, “die” as in English), and sometimes I kinda miss it how I just saw a bunch of gibberish on my mp3 player screen. I still remember being in a work training at a horse stable and shoveling hay to a wheelbarrow, and my strongest memory is about the album Geräusch and I will always associate Anti-Zombie with this one horse box I was cleaning and it’s possible that I got obsessed with this album so that I started the day with it and was always cleaning the horse boxes in the same order. But I only remember Anti-Zombie and how I just suddenly realized that this song is one of the best I have EVER heard. (It still is! And Geräusch was my favorite album for a very long time and it’s still my favorite 2000s album.)

***

7. Lieblings-Bandmitglied?

I don’t really have a favorite? Like, musically I like Farin’s songs the most but some of my ultimate favorite songs come from Rod, too, like Anti-Zombie, T-Error, Geisterhaus (I think the best Rod songs are on Geräusch and those are some of the best dä songs overall as well), Mondo Bondage, Morgens Pauken, Sohn der Leere, Bang Bang (Instrumental)... I bet there’s also great 90s songs but I just forgot about everything again. Anyhow, I’ve never been that much into Bela’s songs. He has many really great ones too, but usually my favorite Bela songs are those that Rod has written with him. Which also explains why I’ve never been that fond of Bela’s solo music (I own the first two albums) and why I like FU/FURT the most from these two. I can’t say anything about Rod’s solo stuff or other bands as I have never listened to those, but I’m very much into movie scores and kinda interested in hearing what his movie scores sound like but I’m lazy and have memory issues and motivation issues so I don’t know more than that. (But I wish he did more songs for dä, I miss the times when he still had more than just 1-2 songs on an album. Although, I never witnessed the release of those albums but still :D)

But if this question is about them as people, then I guess it’s Bela and because I’ve just always been so amazed by his open-mindedness, you know? Like, he seems so genuine and caring and that he has had his feet on the ground at all times? (Or if he didn’t when he was younger, then he has learnt from that and can see that now, at least from what I have read from the books.) A while back I had an ask (to an ask game) on my mainblog, to choose between Bela and Farin and that post got a bit longer and you can find a deeper answer to this from that one. But let’s just say I tend to get super protective over Bela if anyone dares to claim he hasn’t always been as open-minded as what he now seems to be :D

Farin is way too similar to me and even tho he’s very relatable, especially what comes to the sense of humour, I still don’t agree on everything he says or does. And too much is too much. About Rod I don’t know enough because he doesn’t speak much and when he does, I usually don’t understand what he says because he (and Bela) is sometimes really bad at articulating and as a German learner it’s very difficult to make sense of anything he (or they) say sometimes. AN ex-friend once claimed I don’t know anything about Rod because I simply just don’t care about him and like..... no??? Also I don’t control it what my brain finds interesting, but I swear that one day I’m gonna read both dä books from cover to cover and I’m not gonna skip anything and then I’ll know more about Rod too.

***

9. Ein Lied, mit dem du viel verbindest?

“Allein”, definitely. Do you know that feeling when you listen to music, an album or song you have listened to so many times before, and then suddenly something just... hits and you hear a song the way you have never heard it before and you’re overwhelmed and mindblown? Yeah, that’s what happened to me with Allein. I don’t remember the exact year when that happened but I remember I was sitting in my car at a grocery store’s parking lot, listening to music and waiting for someone from my family to come out of the store.

Wait I actually found a post from my old Finnish blog from April 2010 about this song and the moment when it hit me!!! The post says the song became my favorite from Jazz ist anders! when I heard it for the first time, and this moment^ was the first time I read it lyrics and the first time ever I felt that lyrics also meant something to me. I was not able to translate anything myself yet but I found the song with English subtitles form youtube (now deleted) and that’s how I understood the story in the song.

So, I was almost 19 and relating to “Allein” a lot. Now it’s almost 11 years later and I’m (still) 29 and I STILL relate to this song so much and now also to the career part because I literally have been working with horses for over 10 years and have been studying them and I’m not sure why and now I don’t know if I even want to do this for the rest of my life or not. Idk, maybe it’s a bit sad too that for the past 10 years I have related to this song this much when it’s about loneliness... but it just doesn’t seem to end, idk if it will ever end, to be honest.

***

12. Findest du die Musik von vor oder nach der Reunion besser?

I would say the music after the reunion, but I’m also really fond of their 80s music, especially the self-titled album. I was lucky enough to find the original -86 release on vinyl, in perfect condition even, and you don’t understand how much that record means to me. I hate the song Geschwisterliebe and I will always skip that (especially now as I am able to follow lyrics from audio somewhat) but I still refuse to own a version of the album without that song. So that record really is very dear to my and my treasure and I sometimes take it out just to look at it and to be happy about the fact it’s MINE.

But anyway, to answer this question, I think I have to answer that I like the post-reunion music more because the 90s is my favorite dä time of all times. Planet Punk is still my fave dä album EVER, 13 is also a favorite, and I love Die Bestie, and all the interview and live and other video material from the 90s is also something I never get tired of watching. Maybe it’s because I was born in 1991 and 90s was my childhood so it feels familiar and safe? I don’t know. But I tend to be drawn to 90s music with all bands I like and if those bands have had a 90s phase. I guess there’s something about the 90s punk rock that I just like that also dä has.

***

16. Was macht Die Ärzte besonders?

Does this mean “what makes dä special”? Well, I’m gonna answer to that anyway even if it doesn’t mean that :D So I would say it’s the variety they have in their songs. They have loads of songs and albums and I still haven’t heard one song that would sound like some other song of theirs. (Apart from Hell, it has several songs that remind me of their older songs and I haven’t decided yet if that’s good or bad.)

There’s also pretty much something for everyone - which might also backfire because I actually knew someone who likes dä too but somehow we happened to like the opposite songs only. Like, you both can be fans and still not agree on favorite songs or even favorite albums or eras. It’s weird. So it feels like “yay we like the same band!!!” but in the end you don’t have anything in common because you don’t like the same things even within one band’s music...

For me dä is special because when I found about them, I was no longer actively searching for new music to listen to. And still they did and somehow all that diversity in their music was insane. Like, the singer’s voice is super important for me and I have turned down so many bands just because I don’t like the singer’s voice or singing style, and somehow this band has three singers and I like ALL OF THEM. Like, what are the odds??? So after getting used to their songs and learning song and album names and other stuff, I literally felt that I had actually found the music that has everything I need from music. I didn’t need to look for the best band ever because I already found it, no other band can top them, a band that would make better music than die ärzte just simply does not exist. And I’m totally happy with that which is why it took me years to even start listening to new music and new bands because I just didn’t need them anymore, I already had dä, you know. I was told (by the same ex-friend who said I just don’t care about Rod) that no band is superior than others but this person refused to understand when I tried to explain that they are superior to ME. And they are superior to me and I don’t give a fuck if others think I’m wrong, it’s my opinion and my favorite band and I have a right to say that they are the best band ever if they are the best band ever for me.

[captain-aralias]

Trivia Tuesday!!! (The Sweet Fruit of a Palm Tree)

Creators: give a “behind the scenes” look at one of your works. This could be things that got removed or changed, the origins of ideas/details, whatever you like!

tagging some people who might want to share trivia: @sharkmartini @krisrix @annabellelux @llamapyjamas @sharing-a-room-with-an-open-fire​ @ninemagicks​ @milo-fanarts​ @carryonvisinata​ @f-ing-ruthless-baz​

(yes, i am on leave from work this week with nothing to do - why do you ask?) 

i have almost 2,000 words of cut scenes from my 3,000 word @goldendayszine zine fic - and those are only the scenes that I saved. there was also an ending from simon’s POV but i think it must have been very similar with different names because it’s not in any of the versions i emailed to people, or my cut scenes doc. 

i have never cut so much. 

some scenes and lines i cut for space; most i cut and re-wrote because they were ruining the mood. in almost all cases the fic is much better without them.

please enjoy if this is the sort of thing you enjoy. i think there are genuinely some interesting choices here! 

cut-cut-cut: 

original title was ‘The British Museum Job’ - which is objectively a better title, but the more the fic was about baz’s mother and how he wanted to date simon, and the less it was about a heist, the less that title fit. so i changed it.

--

in approximate chronological order. bits in bold made it into the original. italics are comments from me. 

--

Snow keeps yawning as I try and show him my favourite parts of London without explaining what I’m doing. He’s not even tired. (We slept in the same room again last night. I know he slept most of the night – I heard him snoring). I’ve already offered to buy him a coffee.  

“Thanks, but I still don’t trust you not to poison it,” he said. Which was hardly romantic.

We walked along Regent Street because I thought he might enjoy the lights. (He didn’t even look at them.) Down through Piccadilly Circus and up Shaftesbury Avenue. I thought about suggesting a show – it would have filled the time perfectly – but that really would have felt like a date. And anyway, he told me he hated musicals before I could buy the tickets.

“If you’re going to do something, you should just do it. Not just sing about it for five minutes.”

reason for cut: 

space. although it’s also unnecessary. 

--

I might even tell him I was kidnapped.

That I was alone underground for weeks. That thinking of him was the only thing that got me through it.

It could be our first really intimate moment.

But before I can do it (not that I was going to do it), Snow strides off. He’s actually weaving through the crowd in the direction of one of the exhibits, his expression purposeful – and I have to grab his hand and pull him back into me.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Snow scowls at me, as though I’m the one being unreasonable. “There’s a vampire here.” I raise my eyebrow. He frowns. “I mean another one. Obviously.”

My gaze follows Snow’s pointing finger towards a man with long dark hair and a well-tailored winter coat. He’s with a brunette woman, leaning against her as they peer into a case of shabtis.

Even from several feet away, I can tell he’s human. They both are. He smells like coffee and steak; she smells like cream.

And next to me Simon Snow smells, as always, like the thing I want to eat most in the world, which at the moment seems to be a bacon sandwich warm enough to melt the butter.

I should have fed before trying to spend the evening with him. Or perhaps I shouldn’t be trying to spend the evening with him at all. I could have done this on my own.

“That’s not a vampire,” I tell Snow, trying to sound bored. “He just looks like me.”

“He was biting that woman’s neck,” Snow insists.

I roll my eyes. (It helps distract me from thinking about how much I’d like to bite his neck).  

“I think he was kissing her, Snow.”

Snow looks dubious. “On the neck?”

“For Crowley’s sake.”

We’ve barely started the Egyptian section, but I don’t want to be here anymore. In the place my mother brought me. Not now that both Snow and I are thinking about how (unlike the poor man Snow was about to assault) I actually am a vampire. One of the creatures who caused my mother’s death.

“Come on,” I say. “Let’s get out of here.”

Mercifully he follows me. He must believe I can identify vampires. Which I think I can, even though I’ve just never tried it before (I can definitely identify people who aren’t vampires). Although he’s still grumbling as we take the stairs back down to the ground floor.

“I don’t think that bloke did look like you.”

“Fine, Snow.”

“He wasn’t even that good looking.”

I don’t react. (Not visibly anyway.)

He says things like this sometimes. It doesn’t mean anything. Objectively, I am good looking and Snow isn’t blind. Of course he noticed. He noticed in the same bored, completely dispassionate way that I’ve noticed that his ex-girlfriend is good looking. She’s gorgeous. Objectively. It doesn’t mean I want to date her.

Snow turning up at my house for Christmas doesn’t mean he wants to spend more time with me.

And this isn’t a date.

But somehow – even though I know that absolutely that none of this means anything – it feels good to hear him give me a compliment. I want him to think I look good – it’s why I wore this suit in the first place. (Yes, all right – it’s for him, not the vampires. I know I’m delusional, but at least I look fucking incredible.)

A moment ago, I was ready to give up. I was ready to go and sit in a coffee shop or an alley somewhere and glare at Snow until I was sure the vampires were done feeding.

But now Snow’s lit another pathetic flame of hope inside me. This might not actually be a date, but I want it to be one.

reason for cut: 

space. but when i went back to re-write it, i also though the mood was wrong. this is quite an antagonistic scene between the two of them. it’s about how simon wants to get on with the job at hand (killing vampires) and it’s about how baz is a vampire, but in a way that baz quite rightly tells us makes him sad. nobody wants that!! so you see i kept simon complimenting baz, but made it into a much more straightforwardly lulzy compliment. i also do not have time to introduce random secondary characters who have no lines. they’re gone. 

--

here’s a slightly different version of the above: 

We’ve barely started the Egyptian section, but I don’t want to be here anymore. On this … whatever-it-is with Snow. I don’t want to be in the place my mother brought me. Not now he has so eagerly reminded me of what I am. A dark creature. One of the monsters who caused my mother’s death.

“Let’s go,” I say. “You’re clearly bored.”

“I’m not bored,” Snow says, although he is at least following me. “I’m concentrating on the mission. I’ve never seen another vampire before. Do you think they’re all fit like the goblins?”

reason for cut:

as above. but it’s getting closer. 

--

originally the shakespeare exhibition was an exhibition on aztecs, because of all the GOLD, you see, and because there was an exhibition about aztecs in the museum at some point. i thought the exhibition could be called - get it - ‘golden days’. i don’t think i ever told milo this idea, but it would have made it into the fic if this had been a movie and no one had to draw attention to the idea. 

--

remember - bold is what i kept in the published draft.

All I need to do is remember a single thing that Snow likes doing and then find a way we can do it together. It can’t be too difficult. We’ve lived together for seven years and I’m obsessed with him. You’d think I’d have a list.

I don’t – but I could make one.

Things I know Simon Snow enjoys, a list:

Food. Which is fine – going to a restaurant is actually a perfectly good date activity, even though I don’t eat in front of other people. We can do it later, but at this point we still have five hours to kill. I don’t think even Snow wants to eat for the next five hours. (Does he?)

Following me around.

Making my life miserable.

Fighting dark creatures.

Going on ridiculous quests for the Mage to retrieve magickal objects and/or fight dark creatures. I don’t get it – Snow seems to almost die every time – but he does seem to enjoy them

Playing football.

Watching football. And other sports. I’ve seen him at a few lacrosse games, but I don’t know whether he actually enjoyed them. It’s possible he felt like he had to watch Wellbelove play

Talking to Bunce and Wellbelove about whatever ridiculous quest they’re currently on. Although, now they’ve broken up (again), perhaps Wellbelove is off the list. But I’m not exactly going to summon Bunce here either. That wouldn’t be a good date.

Video games?

As I’m thinking, we get to the bottom of the stairs and enter the Great Court. I don’t usually spend much time here when I’m visiting the museum – too much sun streaming in through the glass panels in the ceiling – but it’s dark now and artificial light doesn’t bother me.

There’s an exhibition on Aztecs on in the Reading Room space. It’s being advertised on long banners hanging down across the expanse of white space. I’d like to see it – another time.

“What now, then?” Snow says.

I still haven’t worked that out. (The list wasn’t as helpful as I’d hoped.)

reason for cut:

space. this was one of the first things to go. it doesn’t say anything that we don’t already know. i liked the idea of writing a list to be more like rainbow - but like baz i couldn’t think of anything simon liked ... and that was the point! 

--

“What the fuck?” Snow hisses at me as we get in line to pay for tickets. “You can’t do this.”

“It’s research.”

“It’s treason.”

If he asks, I’ll tell him that Shakespeare wrote about vampires in Timon of Athens. (He didn’t - obviously. But the odds of Snow having read that particular play are non-existent) (even I haven’t read it – it’s obscure. Terrible for spellcasting.) I’d tell him that there’s a crucial spell I need to understand before we go and deal with the creatures who killed my mother.

But Snow hasn’t asked. (He probably never asks the Mage why he needed to find the Third Gate or what was so important about all the white hares he was looking for in sixth year. For Snow it’s enough that there’s a job to do and that he can do it – I shouldn’t like that about him, but I do.)

He also isn’t objecting. Well, no – he is objecting, but he isn’t stopping me. He isn’t asking me any questions I can’t answer. He’s going along with it – letting me buy us both tickets for the exhibition and following me into the slightly darker interior of the Reading Room.

“Which one even is the First Folio?” he asks once we’re inside.

“I don’t know. Perhaps the one under the sign that says First Folio?” I say witheringly, although I’m actually delighted. (He’s helping. He’s part of it. This is going to work.)

“Right,” Snow says. “You mean, the one in a massive alarmed case, surrounded by people?”

We’re about three metres away from it. My heart speeds up as I look at the display. I’ve never stolen anything before – there’s a good chance this will go wrong. This is an idiotic idea. But it’s getting me closer to Snow.

Also, although I wouldn’t have chosen to do it this way, I do love the idea of owning a copy of the First Folio. It won’t be useful tonight, but I’m sure I’ll be able to work out something to use it for later.

“So, what’s your brilliant plan?” Snow says. “Hide in a cupboard until everyone’s gone home?”

He’s not being serious, but that probably is the most sensible thing we could do. And we’ve got the time.

But I don’t think I can handle being trapped in a confined space with Simon Snow for minutes, let alone for hours. Even if I hadn’t recently been trapped in a coffin for weeks.

He smells far too good for that.

“We’re magicians,” I tell him, remembering to sneer. “One of us is, anyway. I can do this in broad daylight without anyone noticing. All I need is a distraction – that’s your job.”

“What kind of distraction?” Snow asks.

“Collapse,” I suggest. “Start shouting about colonial theft, whatever appeals to you. Just as long as everyone turns to look at you. I’ll even cast, Your attention please.  Then I’ll take the book while everyone’s looking at you. I can cast a silencing spell on the alarm.”

“What about the cameras?” Snow asks.

I don’t want to tell him I’d forgotten the cameras.

“And I’ll cast Nothing to see here on myself,” I say smoothly – although I have no idea whether the spell works on technology. It’s not something we covered at Watford, a school where technology is banned. (I really hope my attempt to bond with Snow isn’t going to result in me being arrested. Think what my father would say when I had to explain myself.)  

“Penny usually uses Through a glass darkly,” Snow says. I shrug – I don’t know that spell.

“What’re you’re going to do when they find the book’s missing?” Snow prompts.

“Walk quickly. The attention spell won’t wear off before we leave the Museum.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t count on that,” Snow says.

“What do you suggest then?”

“Spelling something to look like the book we’re nicking and leaving it in the case.”

He’s right – spells last longer if they have something physical to catch hold of. The attention spell will eventually wear off, but a transfiguration spell could last years without anyone noticing.

I’m grudgingly impressed. (And also increasingly alarmed about the kinds of things that Snow and Bunce have been up to. How many of our national treasures are carefully spelled replicas?)  

reason for cut:

this isn’t really cut - it’s just re-written. again, the mood is wrong in this version. simon is angry not flirty. the timon of athens bit is cut for space - it’s the kind of pointless baz ramble about magic that i’d include if time wasn’t an issue. 

you can see the seeds of what was eventually printed here - baz has never stolen anything, simon’s stolen lots of things and is competent at it. there’s the idea of the distraction - although i like it better when simon comes up with that one too. 

the real thing is much better though, right? i think i cracked it when i realised i didn’t have to play ‘you cant do that’ straight - because baz is right: simon enjoys this shit. 

--

these are bits and pieces of the above that don’t fit into a wider narrative:

There are tourists surrounding the case right now. And at least one security guard. My Nothing to see here is good, but it seems foolhardy to rely on it entirely. It works best when the person being distracted doesn’t want to see what’s happening. (It only sometimes works on Snow, for example.) It might not work on the security guards.

and another one:

I try not to smirk too broadly. “Right, then. Do something distracting. I’ll be back in a minute.”

I cast Nothing to see here on myself and take a few steps towards the case. My heart is beating wildly. The tourists surrounding it are definitely not looking at me. manage to take a few steps before Snow catches up with me. Taking my shoulders and steering me off towards a completely different case full of Tudor props.

“What is it, Snow? Couldn’t think of anything?”

His arm is still around my shoulders, drawing me in. Frankly I’m struggling to

“Sorry, was that really your entire plan?”

--

“Perhaps I’ll think about bringing them back after the British return the artefacts they stole from the rest the world.” I nod towards the nearest case. “My great-great grandfather hasn’t been back in Egyptian soil for hundreds of years. They wouldn’t even let us take him back to be buried in Pitch Manor.”

“Your––” Simon starts, and then he stops, frowning, as he presumably remembers that I am of Egyptian descent. “That’s not your grandfather,” he says – but he isn’t certain.    

“Didn’t I tell you I’m descended from royalty?” I say archly, which is enough to make Simon laugh. He presses his face into my neck, which I love.

“It was definitely implied.”

“That’s what my mother told me anyway,” I concede.

“I think she might have been having you on.”

(missing some thoughts here)

“It’s one of my clearest memories of her

“I’ll bring the books back,” I tell him. “I only took them in the first place to get your attention.”

Simon smiles at me in the reflection in the glass cabinet, his face superimposed over the golden burial mask below. I can see his chin hooked over my shoulder and his arms wrapped around my waist.

“Well. It worked,” he points out.

reason for cut:

again - space! i was right at the end and i knew i was running out of words. but i also think that being forced to cut the royalty joke which i hung onto for some time through several drafts was good for the fic. we dont need baz talking about the sarcophagus - we were there, we already read it at the beginning. 

the thing with the eyebrows that simon says in the published draft doesn’t quite work still, but what it does is kick us back to the memory (are they related? yes - we know they aren’t) in the same way that baz is doing actively in this draft. 

and what you see in the published version is that the point of the fic is (as we see here) that simon and baz are happy in the future, but also it’s that baz can talk to simon about his mother and... about the british museum. so the emphasis isn’t quite right if we end with ‘well it worked’. 

the emphasis should be on baz’s mother. i’m trying to get at it in this draft, but it’s in the middle rather than the end - shift the mother stuff/museum stuff to the final line, and bob’s your uncle. 

--

here’s the real thing: The sweet fruit of a palm tree 

[best-enemies]

For the fandom ask meme thing can I request the whole damn alphabet or is that not very cash money of me? I’m nosy lmao I wanna know all of them!

AHDKAJSDKJAHSKDA JACK YOU’RE THE BEST

A - Your current OTP(s)/OT3(s)/OTX(s)

I’ve had my current OTP for like almost 8 years and it’s, obviously, Thoschei (Doctor/Master). My other current obsession is the Gallifrey OT4 hehehe

B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind

It’s funny because I didn’t ship Hannigram at first... I’d thought the idea of a cannibal having a relationship was terrifying because what if they had sex and Hannibal got hungry in the middle of the act? Lmaoooo 

But yeah they’re my endgame now. I watched the show when it first aired and I was about 14/15 years old so now you see why I thought that. Although I’m still afraid I’m gonna be reading a fic and Hannibal will suddendly bite Will’s dick off or smth AKJHSAKJSAHSASKAJ

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will (be nice)

Uhhh Doctor/Clara. Mainly because I don’t like to ship the Doctor with companions (there may be one or two exceptions but I don’t ship them enough to actually say I ship them lol) and I don’t know I just never vibed with it

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t (again: be nice)

Doctor/River. I mean, I did like it for a while years ago but now it’s just... eh. I think she has a waaay better chemistry with the 12th Doctor, but still don’t ship it. I might give it a try once I listen to the River audios but so far meh. I’m not much of a multishipper anyway.

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what

God. I’ve written a couple of Academy Era (focused on the Deca) crack fanfics and I still have to translate them to English. They’re pure garbage but I love them. I have a lot of fun writing crack fics because they’re easier and I can ignore whatever piece of canon I want just for the laughs

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom

Guess it’s Doctor Who, been here (in and out of the fandom) for over 8/9 years

G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it

Uhhhh I think it was Han Solo and Leia, since I was a kid really. I wanted to marry both of them lol

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., tv shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)

I had to google what a source text is and still don’t know

I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why

I don’t think so, but Twitter definitively has. I remember a couple years ago I was curious to see what voltron was about and watched a few episodes, it was ok, fun and cute but the fandom was so annoying I stopped watching it for good and don’t care about it enough to pick it up again

J - Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr

I had definitively forgotten about supernatural until I saw it all over my dashboard in the year of our lord 2020 lmao like in my wholock days I tried to watch the show because everyone on my dash (is it still called dashboard?) was talking about it and I watched about 8 episodes before dropping it. But seeing it again on the dash was actually a happy surprise because the memes are too funny hahaha

K -Say something nice about someone in any of your fandoms

I’m extremely shy irl and on the internet as well but I wanna say that  @janeturenne is one of the best authors ever and her fanfics are a blessing in my life; also @thebraxiatelcollection who brings awesome content to my dash and is also one of the best authors. And of course, you, Jack, also one of the best authors god I’m so BLESSED

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves (chars you’re neutral on are fair game, as are chars you dislike)

Uhhh I guess I’m neutral about the current companions. They’re not my favorites but I don’t really dislike them - they had a lot of potential and chibs came up with some good storylines but did not develop them well in my opinion. I think Graham is a fun grandpa whom I’m going to miss when he leaves; Ryan is cool and could’ve done a lot more if the writers had kept a few things, it’d be awesome if he vlogged all of their adventures. He’s like the one I was curious to see more but sadly didn’t feel a connection; and Yaz, I hope she’ll keep growing and that her friendship with the Doctor will finally be developed to a level we can connect to her.

It sounds weird because with the fam it’s always ‘what I wish could have been’ because I never felt really connected to them :(

M - Say something genuinely nice about a ship that you don’t ship (or its shippers, or anything related to you)

Ok... I don’t really ship Rey/Finn but I think it’s one of the sweetest ships ever, and if they ended up together I’d be happy. They love each other and are there for each other always so, yeah :D

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

I don’t know if I got the question right but it’s three things I wish I saw more in my main fandom? Well, if it’s that, then, 3 things about the Doctor Who fandom: 1) people having more civilized or light-hearted discussions about things. Like, I genuinely disliked an 8th doctor audio I listened once that my friends loved, and they made fun of me and we joked about it. Also once we were in a live twitch video playing among us and discussing doctor who, and then we got into a ship “discourse” as a joke and nobody really cared and just laughed because everyone knew it’s fictional shit so why get mad over it? 2) Doctor Who has a titanic amount of content, it’s all canon but at the same time it’s not, so who cares? If you want to listen to Big Finish audios and if you can afford it, then lisiten; if you can’t, it’s okay, no one has the right to tell you you’re less of a fan. Just tell them to fuck off; 3) The best way to keep fandom alive is by creating content. Here in my local fandom we have several podcasts dedicated to all areas of the whoniverse (the show, the expanded universe, the audios, etc), those old fandom websites who do serious work to bring news to the fans, people who make subtitles for the classic series (we don’t have it available here so they do their best to make it accessible to other fans), accounts dedicated to promoting dr who fans who create content, and we even have people making their own audiodramas with dw characters and writing book-lenght fanfiction to help explain the show to people who’ve never watched it, and a great variety of things. I’ve seen a few of these things in the international fandom, mostly by older fans, so I wish younger fans about my age who have the means to make this kind of stuff would make it too. Maybe there’d be less twitter drama out there lol

O - Choose a song at random, which ship or character does it remind you of

“the killing moon” by echo & the bunnymen reminds me of thoschei. yep it was totally random

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)

The fact that we don’t have a pride and prejudice AU for brax/romana yet is driving me insane

Q - A ship you’ve abandoned and why

I’ve mentioned it before but doctor/river, don’t really remember why idk I just don’t vibe with it anymore. But also because thoschei has so many different pairings in 1 ship that I don’t really feel the need to ship them with anyone else lol

R - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships

GOD I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT’S SO SPECIFIC ok fellow academy era stans gather around if you have read Divided Loyalties there’s a scene where it SHOWS that Magnus had a crush on Ushas. And NO ONE HAS EVER TALKED ABOUT THEM and the power couple they would’ve made. I write them into all my fanfics in hopes of making other people ship them but I’ve had no success so far

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

The Master is a big fan of musicals and in the 77 years he spent on earth he watched every single one ever. I’m gonna be bold and say that when he was young, still Koschei, he was an artist, and thought about dropping everything to become an actor on Gallifrey. Time Lords do appreciate art, and have their own plays, but it’s just the same old and boring ones the young people don’t care about. The Master then created a shocking performance that was way ahead of its time and the older Time Lords were so appalled they banned him from writing and presenting plays and that’s his villain origin story

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

1) The Doctor and the Master married on Gallifrey and the entire show is just them having the most litigious divorce in the universe (still isn’t final because the Master has killed all the judges); 2) Ushas/The Rani is ace; 3) The Deca was a 10 people polyamorous relationship; 4) Romana and Livia were girlfriends at the Academy and they hate each other now because the break up was baad; 5) Romana writes fanfiction; 6) Romana/Leela had a thing in Davidia I KNOW it; 7) Leela pegs Narvin; 8) Brax has a life-size painting of Romana at his collection or a statue or smth; 9) Brax’s dream in Reborn is actually REAL and he’s married to Romana, Leela and Narvin all at the same time

U - 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms

I don’t even think I’m in 5 fandoms but

Doctor Who: The Master, The Doctor, Romana, Leela, Sarah Jane, Bill (this was the hardest thing ever)

The X-Files: Mulder, Scully, Monica, and can I add The Lone Gunmen too?

Star Wars: Leia, Obi-Wan, Finn, Poe Dameron and honorable mention to Din Djarin and Grogu

Hannibal: Hannibal, Will, Bev, Alana, Chiyoh

V - 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms

That’s hard

Doctor Who: thoschei ofc, gallifrey ot4.......... uuhh as you can see i don’t ship many pairings in the show

The X-Files: Mulder and Scully. And whatever Scully and Monica had going on because they definitively flirted

Star Wars: Poe/Finn, Han/Leia, whatever Han/Lando had going on too

W - 5 favorite ships and 5 kinks you like best for said ships

WHATVASHAJSKAJSA ok this is a little embarassing but I don’t have a lot of kinks for many ships... I guess I have some for thoschei like, choking, whipping, blindfolds/gagging, bondage, begging, biting, sem-public, phone sex, dirty talk, body worship, praise kink, etc. Alright alright I know it’s a lot but in my defense they've shown half of these on the show

X - top 5-10 characters who are yoUR PRECIOUS BABIES AND YOU WILL DIE DEFENDING THEM

The Master, Romana, Leela, Brax, Narvin, Bill Potts, Martha Jones, Sarah Jane, Donna Noble, Lucie Miller. No particular order for most of them but the Master is my precious baby and I will die for this mf

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)

Not many, usually the people I follow are in the same fandoms as I am but I’ve seen some mutuals reblog some Hadestown stuff which is a play that I’ve never seen but definitively would because the protagonists look hot 

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go (prompts optional but encouraged)

I DON’T KNOW WHAT DOES IT MEAN

it took me three hours to do this but it was fun!! thank you bb <3

[sibyl-of-space]

Finished a binge re-play of Ocarina of Time (3D) for the first time in a very, very long time. Long-winded thoughts below.

Disclaimer: I played the original n64 version (red blood Ganondorf and all) ad NAUSEUM as a kid. It was by far in my top 3 most-played video games, and if you all know me you know that I don’t play a lot of video games, I play the same few over and over and over and become obsessed with them. As such, OoT is not new to me. I also played the 3D version once before, but it was over the course of several years when I was in college and that was a no-lens-of-truth run for the heck of it. I have not touched either since though, so this is the freshest eyes I’ve had on the game since I was probably about 6-7 years old seeing it for the first time. Do keep in mind though that I already knew virtually all the easter eggs and secrets and story and progression and had a vague recollection of the vast majority of dungeon concepts/puzzles before going in, because this game was my entire world for many formative years.

This game has really excellent dungeons. I ranked them below because I was inspired by my friend ML’s ranking (in fact a desire to rank them myself is what caused me to binge replay this in the first place), but honestly I found all of them engaging. My least favorite was ice cavern but even ice cavern has a really cool atmosphere and an interesting concept, it’s just a bit tedious and bottle management gameplay is not particularly fun to me.

1. Spirit Temple - unlike Shadow which uses invisible walls as a mechanic to trick you, Spirit subverts every single mechanic and puzzle you've encountered so far to really throw you. It's extremely clever. The ambience and overall design is also just excellent.

2. Forest Temple - gameplay wise it is fine but as the first adult temple it REALLY sets the scale and tone for the latter portion of your adventure; the vibe in this temple is just so fucking cool. The sacred forest meadow honestly does come off as sacred, ancient, and haunted but in an ethereal way as opposed to a spooky way. Ooh, I love it.

3. Ganon's Tower - the concept is excellent and the execution is solid, the medallion portion is interesting but the gauntlet up to Ganondorf with increasingly loud organ music and hallways filled with bats and just cool fights and great atmosphere makes this one of the sickest final dungeons I can think of. I was starting to be like "eh maybe the medallion rooms are a bit underwhelming" and then I got hit with the fakeout room in Light that just won me over with how cheeky it was. All the medallion rooms felt a bit like Spirit temple with how they played with expectations, which (ironically?) made the spirit portion actually the least good.

4. Gerudo Fortress - I'm counting mini dungeons and the whole espionage thing is just SO much fun. Break into a thieves’ hideout, jump across rooftops and shoot people with your bow to sneak past them?? WHAT IS NOT TO LOVE?????

5. Water Temple - okay I gotta say this replay really sold me on water temple. It's a cool concept and a fantastic atmosphere, and 3DS quality of life changes (boot swap ease of access + very clearly visually marked water level change rooms) made me actually thoroughly enjoy playing it. Also Dark Link is rightfully hailed as one of the coolest, if not the coolest, miniboss(es) in the game, so extra points there.

6. Bottom of the Well - Shadow's invisible wall mechanic is much more interesting when you can't see through them and everything is a potential trap. Falling down to the basement does get frustrating but that room where you light torches to open coffins and a FLOATING GIBDO EMERGES makes up for it, holy crap. Shadow Temple is underwhelming because Bottom of the Well already did what it tries to do but better.

7. Dodongo's Cavern - hey man I like blowing up dinosaurs this dungeon is just solid 0 complaints

8. Fire Temple - Fire Temple is also solid I just a) am so used to the original music that this version feels empty and lacking atmosphere by comparison, and b) find the above temples cooler. Shout out to dragon whack-a-mole boss fight though.

9. Shadow Temple - this suffers from being the only temple I really had completely memorized (I think my weenie friends* must have made me beat it for them as kids) so playing it this time was really just going through the motions; it didn’t get the chance to win me over because I remembered all of it and nothing particularly stuck out to me as being super clever. The boat ride, however, is sick as hell.

(*disclaimer: I was also a weenie. Shadow Temple scared the absolute pants off of me. But I clearly played it enough times that the entire thing was etched into my memory regardless, so.)

10. Deku Tree - does its job as tutorial dungeon, nice atmosphere, thats about all there is to say.

11. Jabu-Jabu's Belly - redeeming feature is using Ruto as a projectile. Throwing her at the ceiling switches will never not be hilarious. Honestly not a bad dungeon, merely gross and I like the other ones better.

12. Ice Cavern - I used to dread Ice Cavern; this time around I just found it tedious. The atmosphere is successful - it really feels cold and chilling - but not appealing enough to make up for it being dull and kind of annoying. Has the potential to be really cool if the blue fire were used in a more interesting way than “fill your bottles and dump them elsewhere.”

BUT, I feel it would be a complete disservice to my younger self and my younger self’s reasons for playing this game so much, if I focus completely on dungeons and disproportionately on gameplay in a review. Because while gameplay is a huge reason I kept going back to it (hard to want to go back to a game if it isn't fun to play), that’s not what made me love it so much, and a replay has given me fresher eyes to enjoy everything else it has to offer.

Ocarina of Time creates a world and a story that I deeply cared about, and revisiting as an adult, I find if anything I have more take-aways than I did previously. I have always really enjoyed coming-of-age narratives when done well, and this is a coming-of-age narrative done REMARKABLY well. You see dumb bratty kids doing dumb bratty kid things and then see the mature people they’ve grown into 7 years later; the game does not make the mistake of projecting a personality onto a voiceless protagonist, but it does imply a narrative arc for him (and you) regardless just through how strong and cool and awesome you get by the end and all the rad shit you’ve accomplished over the course of the game. It manages to very, very successfully make its story about other characters who DO have personalities, but also make you as the blank slate mc cool guy hero very much have a part in that story that feels very earned and satisfying.

Link doesn’t have a personality. You can project whatever the hell you want onto him or nothing at all. Ocarina of Time makes that *work*, because it doesn’t try to frame him as either ~adult in a child’s body~ or ~child in adult’s body~, it just lets you experience the literal growth from a kid who has to jump to reach ledges and has to thwack things twice with a slingshot and tiny sword, to an adult who can LAUNCH MASSIVE PILLARS INTO THE AIR and one-shot previously difficult enemies, and interpret that however you will. I think the most powerful example of this is going back in time again after doing several adult temples, and entering the bottom of the well, where you see enemies you’ve previously only encountered as an adult, and feel confident that you can tackle them as a child, too.

I really love these kinds of narratives. Where the growth of the main character is purely in the sense of you as the player becoming more adept and stronger, and the context of the story makes that mean something, but the game doesn’t try and pretend the avatar itself has a 3-dimensional personality.

I also think the balance between narrative and gameplay is excellent once it hits its groove. The beginning is very hand-holdy (Navi taught me how to open a door after I had already opened a door elsewhere because she’s scripted to do it at a specific door even though you can technically get to a later one first. lol), and I very firmly believe that with Saria’s Song as a device that lets you seek advice when you want to, it is completely unnecessary to have Navi yell at you what she thinks you should be doing. That said, the game doesn’t stop you from doing whatever the hell you want, and the number and depth of dungeons makes exploring and killing stuff by FAR the meat of the game, over the story. There is a suggested dungeon order, but you have some freedom if you’d rather do them a bit out of order, and there is a LOT of fun side stuff you can do and get rewarded for.

Most of that side stuff is an excellent way to highlight the humor in this game. If you beat Malon’s horse race record she mails a literal fucking cow to your house. Your house in Kokiri Forest. You just show up and there is a fucking cow in your house. That is the funniest thing that has ever happened in a game in the history of forever, sorry. You can race the running man, and all of the other sidequests in the game make you think there is a beatable goal you’ll be rewarded for, and the fucker just goes “lol good try but I beat you by one second. :)” You can blow up the Gossip Stones and they turn into rocketships and launch into space. After you beat the game, and have a really poignant moment with Princess Zelda where she sends you back in time, there is a completely out of nowhere dance party featuring the entire cast in celebration. The game does not try to explain this. It just gives you a dance party, and after such a bittersweet finale and such a fun and engaging game, a no-context dance party is exactly what it needs. A line o Gerudo doing the can-can? Thank you, yes please.

There is SO much that this game does not feel any need to justify in-game, that it simply puts in there because it is fun or cool or both, and I appreciate that so much. There are easter eggs out the butt (still haven’t bothered catching the Hylian Loach and I have still NEVER found the sinking lure despite following every guide in existence). Most of the temples imply some sort of greater history that is not even the slightest bit touched on. It has a very cohesive “core” game that has a start-to-finish suggested progression and a matching narrative, and it has absolute mountains of random shit outside of that it in no way pretends to justify. It explains just enough to give it ground to stand on, but no more, leaving you with more questions than answers. That ambiguity drove me nuts as a kid, but now, I think it’s also why I kept coming back. I wanted answers the game wouldn’t give me so I felt compelled to try and find them myself.

Ocarina of Time’s ending is incredible in ways I am just now able to appreciate. First of all, Zelda is like “I’m gonna send you back in time now” and pulls up the Ocarina and instead of playing the Song of Time which everything in the game implies she should, she plays Zelda’s Lullaby and hesitates just enough on the last note as you are sent back in the past - oof, that’s a good moment. The entire game you’re told about how the Kokiri can’t survive outside of the forest and suddenly they’re at Lon Lon Ranch having a dance party. You walk away from the Master Sword and seal it back in the temple, but nonsensically are then able to meet Zelda in her garden as if nothing had happened, meaning she sent you back so far it erased not just the adult timeline but also everything you accomplished as a child too? So many questions, but the fact that it does not even bother to answer them and just leaves you with such an open-ended image of you and Zelda as kids, calling back to that very early moment after the first dungeon in the game, and you can interpret for yourself what exactly that means.

I’m getting rambly (HAHA as if I’m ever not) so I should wrap this up shortly. Ocarina of Time’s ending is why I am so vehemently opposed to the concept of a ~Zelda Timeline~. The ending is nonsensical if you try to apply concrete logic to it. This game proposes ideas and makes me feel a certain way about them and the ending succeeds in providing just enough closure to make me satisfied and just enough open-ness that makes me want to keep coming back to it to experience it again. It’s not an open-and-shut piece of history of a fake world, it’s a really remarkable journey thats ambiguity is what allows it to feel so very magical.

Ooh boy I can’t wait to replay MM again, but that is a game I’ve never stopped playing, so it’ll be anything but fresh. It hits different right after completing OoT, though. The only way to follow up on a story like Ocarina of Time is to be even MORE batshit, ambiguous, and loose with your definition of how time works.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #251

apologies the formatting is fucked up, oof.

How many smurfs can you name? Zero. Have you ever fully eradicated a bad habit that you had? Uhhh maybe? I'm not sure. The radio is playing U2, The Defects, Echo & the Bunnymen, The Pointer Sisters, Staubkind, and Dr. Dre. on different stations. Which band are you most likely to listen to? I only know U2 (and do NOT like them), Dr. Dre, and one song by E&TB; I don't know the others. I guess I'd pick whichever song sounded most appealing. Miracle on 34th Street, original or remake? Never seen it. Have you ever been in a parade? No. Do you turn the bass up all the way in your car (or would you if you had a car) and blast the music? Ew, no. That shit's obnoxious. What keeps you from being happy? I'm quiiiite sad of an adult. I want to feel worth something, do something. If you could go back in time and talk to yourself five years ago what would you say to yourself (You can only stay in the past for FIVE MINUTES so make it COUNT!)? At that time, Jason and I would still be together, so I'd try to nail it into my head that I can't put my happiness entirely in another person's hands and that I have to have faith in myself and my own strength. AND ESPECIALLY to not give up, to keep trying harder every day. Five minutes wouldn't be enough. What websites are addictive to you? I'd go bonkers without YouTube, and I go through Tumblr binges, but then don't go on for a few days. I have to check KM daily, but it's not really an "addictive" thing, but rather the admin instinct of I have to make sure everything is in order. I check Facebook habitually, but only like, once or twice a day. Who do you never want to end up like? It's... sad to say, but in a lot of ways, my mom. Her life's just been super, super unfair. As a person she's mostly lovely, but as far as luck, happiness, and success goes, sometimes it feels like the whole world's against her. What will you never ever do again? Turn another person into my whole entire universe. What’s the most terrible lie someone could tell you? Something regarding Jason, I'm sure. Probably like, he said he never loved me or something. Even knowing that's absolute shit, PTSD is a ride and I'd. Lose my absolute shit and obsess over "well what if he really didn't." What was the last thing that you printed out? Stuff for my Women Writers class. We print out SO much shit there. I feel like I've alone killed at least seven trees by now, and we don't have a choice but to print the readings out. What do you look forward to each day? M a r k/Unus Annus video boiz. What’s the best song to listen to after a break up? "It depends on the context of your breakup." <<<< This. The radio is playing Poison, Inxs, the Psychadelic Furs, Dio, and Matchbox 20 on different stations. What do you listen to? AHHHHHHHHH Poison, my friends. Do you know what it’s like to take care of someone else? Not really, I guess? But yes to a degree: I've babysat twice, and I assume that counts, and then when Jason had bronchitis, I would barely let the dude leave the bed. Would you rather take care of someone or be taken care of? I don't know, I guess it depends on what's wrong? What is the worst 80’s song in your opinion? You're asking someone who loves '80s music. I'm sure there are some pop-ish/more mainstream ones I don't like, but idk off the very top of my head. What song makes you so happy that just want to dance and dance and DANCE? None. What has been your most beautiful magical memorable cloud nine manic ecstatic incredibly happy bouncy air-light moment of this life??? Slow-dancing to "Stairway to Heaven" w/ Jason out in my yard in his headlights the night of prom. It's the reason I absolutely, entirely, 100% cannot listen to the song anymore, no chance. Do you go out of your way for other people? Depends on the person. What’s your favorite short story? I don't know. Have do you feel about beauty pageants? I fucking hate them. It always just feeds the standards of society and makes both women and men hate their bodies. It also puts far too much emphasis on the "importance" of appearance versus personality. What is your favorite DIY related website? I don't do/watch DIY stuff. Do you bruise easily? Very very, but not the ones you usually see clearly. I don't know how my anemia test came back negative. What kind of bread do you like? Pumpernickel is entirely the supreme type, I love potato bread too, I enjoy wheat... Are your air and water as pure as you want them to be? Idk about air, but I'd suppose so; we live in a rural area. Our tap water, I'm positive no. There's some weird shit with our water. The smell is fucking disgusting, like pure iron, but supposedly it's clean... We've had it tested a few times, but there is SOMETHING wrong with it. Would you ever visit an insect zoo? Sure, if they couldn't get on me. Can you enjoy life without stimulants (coffee, cigarettes, drugs, alcohol)? All of those, yes. Does caffeine count? If so, I'm sure I could, but it'd be very hard. How much thought do you put into your dance moves? I don't dance, so like... zero. What is something you want to improve on this year? Just how much I care about others' perceptions of me, mainly over the most trivial of things. If you could, would you want to stay young forever? No, considering I want to die one day. Immortality sounds ew. What is/was your worst subject in school? Mathematics. Are you a sarcastic person? Oh yeah. What role does religion play in your life? A small one. It helps that my religion (or at least the one I relate closest to, Neo-Paganism) doesn't have the most strict doctrine, therefore allowing a lot of wiggle room varying from person to person. Can you sleep with your eyes open? No. In the past week, what song have you listened to the most often? "Broadcast From Beyond the Grave: Death Inc." by Motionless In White. What was the last thing you shared with someone else? I shared some fries with my mom last time we grabbed fast food. While playing video games, do you prefer being first or second player? I don't care, UNLESS I'm showing someone a new game and therefore I know what to click and such to set the game up; in that case, I prefer to be player one. Otherwise, I don't care at all. What is the most difficult word for you to pronounce? HA, currently, my Biology professor's last name. I obviously won't share it, but I always fuck it up. What did you have to do for the last homework you were assigned? I have to watch a movie - The Suffragette - for Women Writers for when I missed it that week I was away from school. What was the last important thing that you thought about? I think if Mom and I really should stock up on food and TP, but to an actually realistic degree. You hear so many different voices on how bad this pandemic is really gonna be. Personally, I think it's an extreme overreaction, but what do I know. I haven't researched. Generally, do you call people, or wait for them to call you? I wait. I hate talking on the phone. Has anyone ever questioned your sanity? I'm sure, including my gd self. I'm 99.99% sure at one point in the breakup's aftermath, I actually was insane by definition. Especially now that I'm mostly recovered, looking back I'm just like... "hun." How many people do you depend on? Just my mom, really, but to a dangerous degree. How many people do you think depend on you? I feel like my mom does, to an extent anyway. I'm the only person who lives with her and I know she loves me, so I'm company for her. Especially now that she has cancer, she's really gonna depend on me during chemo and surgery. What is the worst color combination? Uhhh maybe like. Puke green and brown? Have you ever injured yourself walking around in the dark? Yeah, but nothing severely. At what age did you develop an interest in the opposite [or same] sex? Idk. I was "ew, boys" until I think... late elementary school. Girls, I had my bi crisis in the 8th grade. Then came the denial and shoving into the very back of my skull. I came out as bi though late '17. Are you or members of your family religious? I think my entire family is but me. Well, correction, I have like a mild connection to religion, but definitely not Christianity like the rest. When was the last time you acted like someone you’re not? Good question. It's not something I really bother with anymore. Like, I can curve around things I don't want to share, but I don't fake what I do reveal. When was the last time that you cleaned your room? Actually! I vacuumed and dusted yesterday. Or the day before, not sure. How many hats do you own/wear? Either none or one, in which case it would be a Carolina Hurricanes' cap as a memento I got from one of the hockey games Dad and I went to. Did the last song you listened to hold any special meaning? I actually don't recall what it was. Are you experiencing problems within a current relationship? No. When you’re upset, who do you turn to? Usually Mom. Does winter weather depress you? Noooo! Who was the last person that you called? Me mother. What product was being advertised on the last commercial you saw? I haven't watched TV in forever. When you think about your last relationship, what song comes to mind? "Oh, Pretty Woman" by Van Halen REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Are there any lyrics to describe your current crush/relationship? Eh. Who in your life makes you the most uncomfortable? Probably my sister's husband, really. I don't think he likes me at all. Treats me decently to my face, but I have my reasons to believe so. Do you ever receive comments on your weight? Not unless I'm at the doctor. Occasionally people who know me well comment I've lost weight, but it hasn't really happened lately now that my weight's slightly risen for who the actual fuck knows why. Don't get me started. Is there anything that you do just to make other people happy? Uhhh just for that sole purpose, don't think so. When you need a temporary escape, what do you do? Listen to music or sleep. What was the last lie that you believed in? I don't want to focus on it. What band would you most like to meet? OZZY. LET ME SEE MY DAD. What was the last thing that you wrote down [with a pen/pencil]? Psychology notes. Has anyone told you that you have a nice smile? Yes. Are you uncomfortable with being photographed? YES. How many people have you talked to today? Just Mom. We woke up in the middle of the night to screeching tires outside; someone lost control of their car because dumbasses go lightning speed around this cure we live on. When you go camping, do you sleep in a tent or an RV? Never legitimately been camping. What’s one ridiculous thing that you do? Let anxiety ruin a lot of opportunities. Do you feel that you must wear makeup to be attractive? Ehhh no, depending on your taste. Ever done anything dangerous while driving with someone else in the car? I don’t drive. Name someone you wish you could be closer with? There's a handful of old high school friends/acquaintances I have on Facebook I really wanna rekindle relationships with. I think I especially would like to get to know Courtlynn better. We seem very similar. What’s unique about your city or town? Its name is shared with a town in Tennessee. Are you a momma’s girl/boy? I'm very close to my mom. What is your favorite dance to do? *shrugs* What is your favorite song to sing? I don't really sing along with songs, but I suppose "Disguise" by MiW. It holds meaning to me and I also just love the chorus. Is English your 1st language? Yes. Did your older sibling ever tell you freaky stories that you believed? I DO NOT know why I remember this, but one time she told me that a boy in her class kept saying the same word repeatedly so many times that it became the only word he could say. It scared me, lmao. Where is the biggest scar on your body? I'd assume at the very bottom of my pelvis where I had surgery. I can't actually see it, but cleaning the area let me know it was kinda long. Do you have a yahoo account? No. Is your mom prettier than you? This is such a mean question, tf. What do you think about guys shaving their legs? You shave whatever you want, boo. Are you a violent person? Not at all, if you don't include my insane nightmares/terrors/whatever they qualify as. Those are always violent. Do you like word searches and cross word puzzles? I do. Have you ever gone to a private school? Yes, my college.