#actually he's not dean coded but he is a little also

[destielnoirbang]

Code of Silence

By FriendofCarlotta | @friendofcarlotta Art by Rezal | @rezal-art

Coming to Ao3 on 12/13/2024

Rated E | 57,000 words | Graphic Descriptions of Violence

Hollywood, 1955: LAPD Officer Dean Winchester doesn’t mind throwing a punch or fudging the evidence if it means getting wife beaters and cold-blooded criminals behind bars. That approach doesn’t sit too well with his younger brother and colleague Sam, who’s been making enemies at the LAPD with his straight-laced, by-the-book philosophy. Between trying to keep up with the job and looking out for his brother, Dean doesn’t have much time for happiness. Not until he meets Castiel, a handsome escort who is everything Dean never knew he wanted. Unfortunately, Castiel is also caught up in a criminal conspiracy that reaches far into the LAPD itself. To expose the department’s corruption and save Castiel, Dean and Sam will have to put aside their differences — and reckon with a dark secret in their family’s past.

[Keep reading for a sneak preview!]

When he drew level, he chanced a glance over at the other man, who turned when he sensed that he’d become a subject of scrutiny.

Dean’s breath stopped in his throat. The man’s jaw was sharp as a word spoken in anger, his skin pale and clean-shaven. Long, graceful fingers played idly with one of the free Funtime Liquors matchbooks as he waited. His eyes promised mischief and mysteries. Dean wouldn’t have been surprised to learn the man had just stepped out of a movie screen.

Too late, he realized he was staring, and then only because the man’s plump lips had twitched slightly on one side.

Dean cleared his throat. “Merry Christmas,” he said.

“Merry Christmas to you too, officer,” the man returned.

Dean flinched, feeling caught out. Whoever the man was, he was clearly smart if plainclothes didn’t fool him. “That obvious?” he asked.

When Dean chanced another glance at the man, he was still looking back, humor glinting in his eyes. “It’s practically stamped on your forehead.”

Maybe Dean ought to have taken that for the dismissal it likely was, but the bit of humor in the man’s gaze felt almost akin to a smile. Most men wouldn’t smile at someone they wanted gone.

“Haven’t I seen you in a movie?” Dean tried.

The man dropped his head with a low, rough chuckle. Dean fought down a surge of embarrassment. A handsome man in a well-cut suit, five blocks from Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, where all the most glamorous Hollywood premieres took place? It wasn’t too outrageous a guess.

Dean was about to tell the man “never mind” when he caught Dean’s eyes again and said, “It’s unlikely. Unless you happened to pay very close attention to Youth Number 3 in the opening scene of It Came From Saturn's Rings.”

“You were in that?” Dean asked eagerly. This time, there was no fighting the heat on his face. He had a great weakness for science fiction movies, and he remembered seeing a screening of It Came From Saturn's Rings on opening night some three years back. Even working in Hollywood for as long as he had, he’d never stopped being a little starry-eyed about anybody who’d graced the silver screen.

His question got him an interesting reaction: the man’s head tipped to the side, his eyes narrowing, the better to study Dean. For the first time, he seemed to put some actual stock in their conversation. “You’ve seen it?”

“Yeah,” Dean confirmed, embarrassingly pleased to have found this patch of common ground between them. “It was good.”

It hadn’t been anything special, in truth, but the man was smiling in earnest now, one side of those plush lips curving up, and Dean thought he’d do just about anything to keep that smile going.

[peanutbutterandbananasandwichs]

I saw your post about Free to Be You And Me, and had to stop and blink for like thirty straight seconds, because I could not for the life of me even remember what Dean was doing in that episode. That was the episode with hunters and Lucifer all stalking Sam! That was the Lucifer showing up as Jess and appealing to all of Sam's guilt episode! It was the Sam spitting out demon blood episode! It was the talk about addiction with a stranger in the middle of nowhere episode! Who watches that and thinks about anything other than Sam?!

Real and true anon, real and true. I said in the original tags that you couldn't pay me to have to remember/think about the non Sam portions of the episode lol.

[mediocreinternetuser]

am back on my ‘dean winchester is literally me’ grind—i don’t even go here i’m just obsessed w dean bc he is quite literally me—and i feel the need to yell into my void that rn i’m travelling around the country (with my younger but smarter sibling which also just rlly adds to it) and staying in a different cheap motel each night and idk surely that just means that dean winchester is actually so me

[acesammy]

I wish spn handled its monsters better. I wish spn knew how to cope with having 2 leads be monsters. I feel like so many of the things about this show that make me want to scream would be fixed if the writers didn’t think they needed their monster characters to be de-powered in order to be ‘good’

[comicwritesstuff]

okay this is so incredibly specific so please feel free to ignore BUT i’ve been wanting to read a fic for ages where the reader is Chase’s childhood best friend from Australia and she moves to New Jersey for a fresh start. She’s staying with Chase while she gets settled, and one day she comes to visit him at lunch at the hospital, where she ends up meeting House and he’s… intrigued by her 👀 either romantic or smut would be so very cool :^D <33 💐

YES. I LOVE THIS PROMPT IM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG BUT IM FINISHED!!!

Gregory House x Fem!Chases bsf!Reader

Warnings: None really, just cussing and tooth rotting fluff >:) 3k+ words.

Chase's POV: 

“Well I was just wondering if we could go out sometime, I think you're really-” My attention shifted as y/n's call lit up my phone, interrupting the conversation. It was a more pressing matter than pursuing a one-night stand.

“Excuse me for a moment.” I say walking away, the woman having an annoyed look on her face. 

I answer the phone.

“Hello, y/n? Whats up” 

“Chase! Long time no talk haha.”

“You called me yesterday.”

“Learn to take a joke, anyways, I have some exciting news for you.”

“I’m moving to New Jersey!!” 

“Wait what? Really?”

“Yeah, I kinda forgot to tell you and i'm actually at the airport right now, so I hope you aren't busy tomorrow so you can pick me up.”

“Wow, um alright, yeah I can pick you up, do you have a place to stay?"

“Um…no…” I sigh, “Just stay at mine for now.”

“Don't even with the sigh i’ve known you my whole life you can put the nightly hookups on hold for your best friend.” 

I smirk and shake my head, “Yeah yeah, I’ll see ya tomorrow y/n” 

Y/N’s POV:

I smile as I hang up with Chase, grabbing my luggage and pulling it along the airport. Ahh yes, crying babies, rushed parents, annoying couples and that one insanely attractive person you see for a split second, I love the airport. 

Glancing at my ticket I realize I might have to hurry to make it to the gate, speed walking I see a text from chase, “Have a safe flight.” Let's hope so. 

Time skip (to lazy to write all the details about fucking airports)

Relaxing on a 21-hour flight proved challenging, especially with a toddler nearby. It was unclear whether the toddler would be a source of annoyance or just be tolerable. The flight just started. So to entertain myself I decide to do some digging about Chase's job, he brags about it all the time and the infamous Dr Gregory House. To be honest I thought Chase was gay for a little while with how much he talks about him. Still speculating. 

The plane lifts off and I start my look, at first just looking up Gregory House, a surprising amount of things show up. An article titled, “Gregory House, Talented Doctor? Or a lying Narcissist?” Oh well that's a good first impression.   

Scrolling down I see another article, “The world's greatest doctor, and his deepest secrets” 

Now that's enticing. I click on it only to find out his deepest secrets, including using 3 in one shampoo and how his leg got hurt. I guess people hardly know anything about him. I click on the photos of him, there's only a couple, most of them blurry but to be honest he's pretty good looking from the photos I can see. I’d honestly be gay for him if I was Chase. 

The toddler next to me starts giggling, I glance at her and notice her staring at a picture of House. She's kicking her feet too. That's so relatable. 

For the rest of the flight I find some stuff about this guy named Taub, who somehow also figured out that he cheated on his wife which is why he had to quit. How did I find that out? I took a coding class in 8th grade. (I got lucky) 

Lisa Cuddy the Dean of Medicine, unfortunately only good stuff about her, boring. 

Remy Hadley, oddly, can't find anything on her. 

Eric Foreman, his brothers in jail, fun. 

And the others are just as boring. For the remainder of the flight, the toddler proved surprisingly chill. I passed the time by binge-watching random movies I had downloaded earlier

*Another time skip to plane landing* 

Finally, 21 hours on a fucking plane is horrible. 

I check my phone after I take it off airplane mode, seeing a text from chase a couple minutes ago. 

“I’m at the airport, is your flight done?”

“Yep, wya.”

“I’m parked in the front.”

“That's specific” 

“There's no other front dumbass”

I roll my eyes at his text, and get off the plane as soon as I can. I walk out and see Chase standing outside his car waiting for me. His eyes light up as he spots me, and a grin spreads across his face. Unable to resist, I rush forward and envelop him in a bear hug.

“Man you’re a lot uglier in person” 

I say jokingly, smirking.

“Oh shut up”  

We climbed into his car, and he drove us back to his apartment. When we arrive he helps get my crap into the house, before he gets a call saying he had to head to work. 

Eventually a week or two passes, I've gotten more comfortable in his apartment, applied for a bunch of jobs, and looked for places to stay so I’m not invading his “man” space anymore. Unfortunately there aren't a lot of options, and no jobs have replied to my applications, which is weird since im overqualified, it's almost like they aren’t even getting my applications in the first place. 

I’m doing the dishes when I get a text from Chase.

“Hey, I left my wallet on the counter, so I don’t have money for food, could ya bring it for me?” 

“Nah”

“See you soon”

I breathe out a laugh and grab his wallet, putting a coat on then driving to the hospital. 

When I get there I walk in, looking around before I call Chase, “Where do I go this place is huge” I can hear talking in the background, actually more like arguing. “Uhm just wait at the entrance i’ll be right there.” He says in a whisper.

He hangs up so I just stand there awkwardly waiting, that was a weird ass phone call. To be fair Chase is a weird ass guy with weird ass coworkers so what do I expect at this point. 

Before I see Chase I see Dr Gregory House, limping quickly towards me. And damn he’s even hotter in person than the pictures I saw of him. 

“Hey, no time to explain, you need to come with me.” He grabs my arm dragging me into the elevator. Before it closes I see Chase come out of the stairway, he sprints towards the elevator but it closes. I hear him trying to say something, but it's muffled and I can’t understand it. Wait why the fuck did I even follow House? 

“You're real compliant, you’d make a great hooker.” 

I turn around and side eye him.

“Thanks, so would you.” I say giving a fake smile. 

“Speaking of compliant, why did you drag me away from Chase? What's going on?’’

“I made a bet with Chase.”

“That's really specific and helpful thanks” 

“Oh yeah no problem” 

Sarcastic asshole. 

“If you don’t tell me, I'll stop following you and go with Chase.” 

He rolls his eyes.

“Fine, Mom! The bet is that I can convince you to work as my assistant here.”

“Really? That's it? I need a job. Why would Chase even bet against that?” 

“He thinks you’ll fall in love with me so he doesn’t want that to happen, in his words, “She has a thing for homeless looking, narcissistic assholes with beards.” So he’s trying to prevent it, and he’s sure he can.”  

Damn- I feel so called out. I stay silent before nodding.

“Well to be honest he isn’t wrong.” 

I see House smirk before we get out of the elevator, he hobbles and leads me to his office, locking the door then having me sit down. 

As I sit down in front of his desk, he grabs a ball and starts throwing it against the wall, while sitting down. 

“So are you gonna interview me or something?” 

“Yeah, I’m just waiting for Chase to get back up here so he can watch me interview you.” 

He really is an asshole…it's kinda hot though. 

“Fair enough.” 

We wait a bit before Chase comes jogging up to the door, out of breath, he’s clearly been running plenty. He starts banging on the glass door that House previously locked.

“House!! Y/N! Let me in! This isn’t fair!” He exclaims, House is grinning when he leans over his desk, crossing his arms.

“Okay! Let’s start this interview now.” 

“Y/n! You traitor!” 

Did I abandon my childhood best friend for some disabled doctor? No, I did it for the job. At least that's what I'm telling myself.   

Turning my attention back to House instead of the Australian cry baby outside the door, he asks me, “First question, do you want the job of being my assistant?” 

“Obviously”

“Great! You have the job!” 

I mean, easy enough. I smile and shake my head. This hospital really has some unique people. 

House shakes my hand, grinning as Chase is sitting on the floor defeated outside. 

As the days turned into weeks at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, I got to know everyone. Cuddy had to actually approve of me working as House’s assistant first, but once she saw a…normal enough individual, she welcomed me into the environment.

Getting to know House better, I found myself drawn to him in ways I hadn’t really expected. The bet between House and Chase, Chase thinking I would fall for House, I took it as a joke, until that joke turned more into reality. 

Despite House being a narcissistic piece of shit, there were small moments that I saw, or shared with him that made me fall for him. Ones where he seemed happy, or just easy to be around. At work he's serious but when Wilson dragged him out to bars, or other social environments, he could actually be fun. And though him being a dick is undeniably attractive sometimes, when he was…”himself” that's how I began to fall for him.  

One day, after an especially tough day for the team, and being forced to go break into houses and get coffee and food, I found myself alone with House in his office. The rest of the team had left, leaving us in a rare moment alone with each other. As I glanced up from the medical chart of the most recent patient, I caught House’s gaze lingering on me, his blue eyes intense and unreadable. 

“Something on your mind, House?” I asked, attempting to break the awkward silence between us. 

He smirked, leaning back in his chair with a casual ease, “Oh just wondering why a catch like yourself doesn’t have a boyfriend, or husband?” He responds, his tone laced with flirtatiousness.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at his response, a faint blush on my cheeks. House and I had gained an uncanny camaraderie, made from me running around doing everyone's paperwork, being the designated “you get to tell patients they are dying!!” person. And as you’d expect people didn’t respect me a lot, but if someone was blatantly mean to me, House would step in and destroy their self esteem in a second and walk away like it meant nothing. That's another thing that I think made me fall for him. 

“Believe me, I’ve been asking myself that a lot too.” I smile, placing the medical chart on his desk. 

“Do you want a boyfriend? Or girlfriend, or a pet or something.” He quips, his eyes looking like they are reading me, studying my every movement and reaction to what he’s saying, it's flattering and uncomfortable at the same time. 

“A boyfriend would be nice.” I say reassuringly, a laugh escaping me as I shake my head in amusement.

“Alright let's say *hypothetically* I asked you out. *hypothetically* what would your response be?” 

Raising an eyebrow I ask, “Are you trying to go on a date with me?”

“I said hypothetically, now answer the question.” 

A smirk plays on my lips as I roll my eyes in a mock annoyance. 

“Well.” I say, “Hypothetically, I would say yes.” 

“Great, meet me for dinner at (some random fancy place idk u make up a name i'm too lazy to), wear something cute.” 

 With that, he sauntered out of the office, leaving me to think about what just happened. Glancing at the clock, I realized I had just enough time to get ready for our “hypothetical date.” 

The anticipation bubbled within me, standing outside (IDK A RESTAURANT NAME IT), waiting for House to arrive. My heart raced with nervous excitement, unsure what to expect from a…unique…guy like House. I had used all the time I had to work on my outfit, settling for a simple dress (or suit, or just anything you're comfy in :) ). 

As I scanned the busy street, searching for any sign of House, I heard the obnoxiously loud sound of a motorcycle approaching. House rode in, parking his bike before getting off and walking (limping) towards me. My breath caught in my throat as I saw him, he looked impossibly handsome, in a tailored suit that made his rugged charm come out, good god he looked fine. 

“Y/n,” he greeted with a warm smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners in genuine affection. “That outfit makes your ass look nice.” 

I scoff playfully, hitting his arm. “So much for acting like a gentleman, at least you look like one.” 

He chuckled, offering me his arm in a more gentlemanly gesture. “Yeah yeah, shall we?” 

With a nod, I looped my arm through his, savoring the warmth of his touch as we mad our way into the restaurant. The ambiance was elegant and inviting, with a soft candlelight casting a warm glow over the decor. 

As we were seated at a table in a quiet corner of the restaurant, I couldn’t help but feel a flutter of excitement in my chest. I’m finally going out with House, damn Chase was totally right. 

Throughout the evening, our conversation flowed surprisingly easily between us. I had half expected him to be rude or stuck up, but he seemed actually interested in me, in my life. He was asking questions, laughing and joking with me. Sharing stories of his own, and treating me like an actual human. Honestly it was scaring me a bit, but it was making me fall harder for him. 

House raised an eyebrow, a playful glint in his eyes. ‘So, tell my Y/N. What’s the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you?” 

I laughed, shaking my head as I thought about the memory. “Well, there was this one time in college-” 

“Let me guess,” House interrupted, a smirk playing on his lips. “It involved copious amounts of alcohol and very questionable decisions?” 

I chuckle and nod in agreement. “You could say that. Long story short, I ended up streaking through the campus fountain at three in the morning. I'm pretty sure Chase might still have a video of it still.”

House raises an eyebrow, an amused laugh coming from him. “I wish I could say I was surprised, oh and also. I am finding that video.” He states, with a determined and mischievous grin. 

The dinner continues and our connection just seems to get stronger, fueled by shared laughter, stories of shit Wilson and him did in college, things Chase and I did in highschool. With each passing moment, I found myself more and more under House’s spell, captivated by the complexity of himself, his character. His gaze, laughter, even his personality. Maybe it was the wine or something, but House was being nice, he had charisma, and was being attractive in general.  

I don’t even realize that we’ve spent almost three hours in the restaurant just talking. I check my phone seeing that it's 9:30 already. We had got and paid the check awhile ago, but had stayed to talk longer. The restaurant closes at 10, and I felt a sudden pang of disappointment that our date was close to being over with. I didn’t want it to end, I was savoring this moment I was having, this seemingly perfect night. 

When the waiter arrived to take our dessert order, I couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment that the evening was drawing to a close. I wasn't ready for it to end—I wanted to savor every moment, to prolong the magic of our time together for as long as possible.

House notices my look of disappointment, “I’m aware how amazing I am, but if its up to me, this won’t be our last date.” 

A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth, my cheeks heating up as I blush. The butterflies in my stomach going absolutely insane. 

So with a quick glance around the restaurant, I rose from my seat, House grabbed my hand as he led me towards the exit. 

Stepping out into the cool night air, I felt a sense of happiness coursing through me. This was it, the beginning of a new relationship, a surprisingly healthy one so far. 

As House’s hand tightened around mine, his touch sent sparks of electricity coursing through my veins. I knew now that maybe Chase knows me better than I know myself, in all fairness he predicted this, but right now I wasn’t afraid to admit this, to admit the undeniable attraction that I had towards Dr Gregory House. 

His touch leaves mine, his hand pulling as we stand in front of the restaurant, close to each other, staring in each other's eyes. I glance at his lips before leaning in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, not sure if he expected it, but I pull back.

“Goodnight House. I’ll see you tomorrow.” And with that I walk away, to my car. When I get in my car, I look in the mirror, seeing House standing there with a lovestruck grin, one a child would have over some school crush. But it was cute, he was cute. And this was just the beginning of an annoyingly predicated relationship with a Vicodin addicted, asshole, who I suspect has a soft spot for me.

[babybinko]

Made a TON of Venture Bros. genderbends :D

Bonus + some of my thoughts on all the designs under the cut:

This is from a conversation I had with a friend about how Dermott and Hank would behave in this AU (its exactly the same as normal)

Ok now some thoughts on my design process

Hank: I think I drew Hank's face actually perfect, I made her so cute. I also feel like there's a common trope with genderbends where athletic characters get short hair so I gave her long hair and gave Dean short hair. I actually think the longer hair fits her perfectly. ALSO I LOVE HER BOOTS.

Dean: I gave goth Dean more Accessories than normal because normal goth dean had no fucking swag (it was besties idea to make her pants ripped). Even before I started drawing college Dean I knew I was giving her those legwarmers you can pry them from my cold dead hands. Same with the legwarmers I knew the first dean design needed a Jean skirt its just the vibes.

Dermott: The millisecond I even thought about doing Dermott I KNEW she would be 2012 grunge girl aesthetic. Gigantic shoplifting energy. Love her.

Rusty: I wanted her to look like a mean mom and I believe I accomplished that goal. Absolutely had to add the glasses strap. Very Jamie Lee Curtis.

Brock: I drew the one with the hair down first and my friends preferred the one with the hair up so I just did both. I wonder if she was a cheerleader in college and killed another girl on her cheer squad by throwing her too far/dropping them.

21: I drew 21 then I realized I had just drawn myself with bangs. Also I drew her with a blunt because there's an episode where 21 has a joint in his mouth the whole episode the other henchmen are standing in stupid poses in the background and its maybe one of my favorite bits in the entire show its so stupid.

24: 24 took several attempts to get the hair right I kept drawing it short and curly and my friend told me to give her Elaine from Seinfeld hair which I think ended up working really well.

Monarch: One of my favorites I did. I feel like this one you can definitely tell how Bayonetta completely re-arranged my brain chemicals as teenager. I love the hip cutouts, I made a tummy cutout to kind of mimic how Dr.GF's monarch costume is kinda skimpy. It's also hard to tell because of the cowl but I tried to give her like a finger waves hairstyle.

Dr.Gf: I tried a bunch of different hats but my friends liked the brimless hat the most and completely doomed him into looking like a Bellhop (more than he already did). Its giving Tyler the Creator at the 2020 Grammys. I still think he's cute though :)

Billy: I really didnt want to just draw her in a suit because thats boring. The show always gives me 60s vibes despite being set in modern day (I'm sure its on purpose) and I definitely channeled that with Billy. It took a couple tries to find a balance between fitting her body but still looking adult but I think I got it in the end.

Pete: YAYYYY PETE YAAAAYY!!! ^_^ Shes so Ava Max Coded. I also gave her giant buckles on her shoes to match his stupid ass one two buckle my shoes ass shoes.

Triana: Very much looks like putting emo boy in the Pinterest search bar. I made her thigh highs into his sleeves and I gave him square bangs like her.

Dr. Orpheus: NEEDED to make her a hot milf and I did. Its a little hard to see but her shirt has lace over the open part. I love the hair Jewerly at the bottom of her braid. :)

[galadrieljones]

i actually wonder why you ship daryl and beth? i see them as friends and yeah i watched their scenes over and over and i didn’t see any love between them. And i see beth younger than him and i see daryl see her as a friend and sister So what is your reasons to ship them anyway!?

I'm going to assume this question is in good faith and that you are genuinely interested in why I (and many others) ship bethyl, so I'll answer in good (albeit cautious) faith. I'm also going to tag some of my friends and mutuals at the end who I would like to encourage to share why they, personally, ship bethyl.

First, know that I don't care if people don't ship bethyl. I also am not beholden to shipping "canon" ships. I don't care about any of that, and I think it's boring to restrict one's interest in shipping to what is canon or what the fandom accepts. You're free not to ship bethyl, and I won't be mad. That's your choice!!

BUT, since you're here of your own volition, realize that I personally don't buy the bethyl bond as "sibling-coded" argument at all lol. I can understand if someone just doesn't want them to be together, because they want Daryl to be with another character or something. That's fine and perfectly rational. I can also understand if someone does not like age difference ships, and they reject it on those grounds alone. Okay! That's your preference. BUT, Beth was 18 by the events of "Still." And the argument that they share a "sibling-coded" bond has never held water for me. Believe me when I say that I can see the argument for C*ryl before I can see the argument for Daryl and Beth being "sibling-coded," and that's saying a LOT. I've literally never had anyone successfully explain this perception to me using actual evidence from the show or from the actors/showrunners outside the show. It is ALWAYS subjective. And when confronted with evidence of a bethyl romance, these same people tend to just invoke their *age difference* as if that, in and of itself, is a dealbreaker.

IMPORTANT: It's NOT a dealbreaker, but some people in fandom these days mistake personal preference for moral paradigm, and these people tend to be very judgmental and to screech a lot and to spread rumors and to bully others. The same exact thing is happening to Neggie. But I'm not going to get into that right now.

Now, you say you don't see how they could possibly be "romantic." Of course, that's totally fine, but you will need to try and explain this to thousands of people lol. I am actually not super interested in going through, in detail, why I ship bethyl from a defensive position. I'm very sick of defending something that is, frankly, entirely unproblematic and also...popular! Other than Rickyl (which is a non-canon slash ship), Bethyl, even ten years after her exit from the flagship, is still the most popular TWD ship on AO3. It was popular at the time that the show aired. Jeffrey Dean Morgan's wife ships bethyl lol. Bethyl is not "weird." It's not even a rare pair!

AND YET, to put so briefly, if you *actually* care: I PERSONALLY love bethyl because I believe their characters exist in beautiful harmony. Beth is an artist. Her priority is beauty and continuously discovering what it means to live. She believes in the goodness of people. She is a religious character who has faith in God's love. She is, as Norman put it a long time ago, like a little light at the end of the tunnel for Daryl. She reminds Daryl of what it means to live, what it means to trust people and to have faith. She protects him from his own demons and reconnects him to the beauty that remains in a dying, horrific world. Daryl tends to forget about his own well-being and his own happiness. He prioritizes brute survival, because he was taught to do this over many years of emotional and physical abuse as a child. He is "used to things being ugly" and he frequently blames himself for things that go wrong. He closes himself off to others because he has a difficult time trusting that they won't abandon him or die. At the moonshine shack, Beth confronts him on this, and he confronts her right back. Beth isn't used to being challenged by men. But he challenges her to be better and to face her own insecurities as well. He makes her stronger. She pries open his heart. At the moonshine shack, she physically grabs him to remind him that he is still alive, and that everyone they've lost was once alive, too, and that just because they might be dead now, that's not his fault. The two of them still alive, while others are dead, that's not his fault, and there is still goodness in the world and things worth living for.

Speaking of physical touch, you really should rewatch "Alone" if you want to understand the physical and romantic chemistry between Beth and Daryl. There is literally so much that I could go through, but I don't have time lol.

The moment I fell in love with bethyl was actually in "30 Days Without an Accident," when Beth embraces Daryl in such a way that reassures him that he is not alone in a desperately lonely situation. Both characters are battling demons in this scene. But it's somewhat subtextual. If you don't watch closely, you may miss it.

That said, as has been established, a LOT of people did NOT miss it lol. It's just that a lot of people also want Daryl to be with someone else, or they feel the need to moralize on the internet. Neither one of those things is relevant to me, though I accept them as realities.

Anyway, I hope this helps! ->

@sasusc @frangipanilove @twdmusicboxmystery @pipergirl17 @sweetz1919

@emsee22 @drewmoll03 @bookqueenrules @bethiscomingsoon

@angelthefirst1 @bethgreeneprevails @im-immortal @rose-andthe-thorn @wdway @boltthrutheheart

and anyone else, I know I've forgotten some people 😩. I just went off the top of my head, so please chime in on why you love bethyl, or feel free to completely ignore this ❤️

[deancaspinefest]

Another Kind of Memory

Author: FriendofCarlotta | Artist: Aggiedoll

Posting on Wednesday March 20

Since a traumatic incident six years ago, Castiel Novak’s face has been disfigured by a scar. He’s resigned himself to being someone people can barely stand to look at, let alone love. Except his heart doesn’t seem to have gotten the message. When Dean Winchester takes over the convenience store down the street from Castiel’s bookshop, Castiel falls helplessly in love with his new neighbor. To make matters worse, Castiel’s sister Anna is also interested in Dean. Believing that Dean could never love him, Castiel decides to help Anna win his heart instead.

Keep reading for a sneak preview!

“Hey,” Dean says. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. Just… wanted to say hi.”

“Oh. Hi,” Castiel says, one hand fluttering nervously down his face and across his hair in an attempt to ensure he’s looking presentable. The tips of his fingers catch on the ugly, jagged ridge of his scar, and he remembers that “presentable” stopped being an option six years ago. He clears his throat and arranges his face in the polite mask of a consummate customer service professional. “Anything I can help you find?”

“Um.” Dean looks uncertain now, as though it’s a question he wasn’t expecting — despite the fact that it’s easily the most predictable question one could be asked in a bookshop. “I don’t know. I was just gonna browse, I guess.”

This is the point in a customer interaction where Castiel would usually withdraw, because “I’m just browsing” is universal bookstore code for “leave me the fuck alone.” But Dean doesn’t give any sign of wanting to walk away. Instead, he simply hovers in front of Castiel’s armchair, eyes gliding aimlessly (and somewhat helplessly) across the shelves to his right.

“What sort of things do you like to read?” Castiel finds himself asking, because it’s impossible not to take pity on a grown man who is capable of looking so bashfully lost.

“Anything,” Dean says. One of his hands flies to the back of his neck, rubbing at it. There’s something terribly endearing about the gesture — perhaps the fact that it makes him look like a boy who’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Belatedly, it occurs to Castiel that it’s his turn to speak. His prolonged silence appears to have made Dean nervous, because he’s speaking again, a little too quickly to be altogether natural. “I know that sounds stupid. Like those people who say they like all kinds of music — which I don’t, by the way, just to be clear. Big classic rock fan. Zeppelin, the Stones. Metallica too, which I guess is classic rock these days and fuck, that’s kind of depressing. But, yeah. Anyway. Pretty much anything. Love Vonnegut and Kerouac, but I’ve read just about all their stuff. I’ll read sci-fi, horror, mysteries… actually, I guess I should say I read all kinds of fiction. Non-fiction kinda puts me right to sleep. My brother, Sammy, he’s a big fan though. Crazy about true crime for some reason.” Dean blows out a heavy breath. He abruptly seems to realize he’s scratching at his neck and lowers his arm back down, fingers twitching as if unsure what to do with themselves now. “You probably didn’t need to know all that, huh?”

“No, this is helpful,” Castiel says, getting up. “I’ll show you the layout of the store so you can see which shelves you might be most interested in.”

Somehow, Dean’s shyness makes him feel more at ease. When he first laid eyes on Dean, he thought someone as handsome as Dean must be a smooth and confident conversationalist. But he doesn’t seem to be, and somehow, that makes it easier for Castiel to hold up his own end of the conversation.

Or maybe it’s just that Dean doesn’t know how to talk to someone like Castiel. He wouldn’t be the first one.

(continue reading on Ao3 on Wednesday March 20)

[shallowseeker]

I love that it's shown, at least a couple of times I think, that Dean tends to switch on loud music and crank UP the volume precisely when he doesn't want to discuss something.

But in 12x10? Sam is so uncomfortable, he wants music. Any fuckin' music. And Dean...

SAM: All right, who wants music? DEAN: I'm good.

Holy, shit balls. LOL. Dean doesn't even turn the music on. Dean wants them all to suffer through the silence.

And it gets so much better. Dean acts like CAS started the silent treatment post-12x09. (And who knows? Maybe Cas did! I find either idea pretty funny.)

MORE SILENCE. SAM LOOKS AROUND AND SHAKES HIS HEAD. SAM: All right. Guys, you know what? This – this silent treatment thing, it's silly. It's not gonna work. Whatever we're walking into, we should, you know, probably have an actual plan. CAS: (sighs) What do you wanna know? DEAN: Oh, he speaks.

Then it gets funnier.

I forgot that it was DEAN who fired off the covert communication. He was the one who first started complimenting Benjamin! (Aside/// 14x08 Our Father Who Aren't in Heaven has another great example of Dean-Cas talking about things under the guise of other mission-ish things.)

CAS: It was, um... Look, Benjamin wouldn't call for help lightly. And he wouldn't put himself in harm's way if he could help it. DEAN: Wow, this Benjamin seems like he's pretty cool, you know. Like he wouldn't make any half-cocked, knee-jerk choices.

First, pot-kettle! Second of all, LMAO. Benjamin is cool BECAUSE he doesn't put himself in danger! This will be what Dean struggles with till the end of time, only accepting Cas's relationship to him as "protector"near the bitter end. In season 15, Dean's trying to be okay with Cas providing strength in his "Cas way." There's the Mark in 15x09 of course, but there's also the awful 15x18, "She's gonna kill you... and then she's gonna kill me."

But back to Benjamin and their coded comms:

CAS: Yeah, you know what I like about him? Is that he's sarcastic, but he's thoughtful and appreciative, too. DEAN: Now what is that supposed to mean?

Cas is hilarious here, too. Appreciate what I do for you, when I protect you, Dean! It's how I show love.

He's telling Dean how he wants DEAN to behave, even amidst the looming cosmic consequences. He doesn't want Dean to not-be Dean, to not throw a fit, he just wants a little "thank you," and maybe some thoughtful "kindnesses," as a little treat. Meanwhile, Dean's like HELL NO I am not gonna give you applause for being a hero for me. You can FORGET IT.

I mean, yes, it's the jealousy thing too on the surface, but it's a LOT MORE than that, too. It's their covert communication in beautiful form. It's Dean screeching, "You want me to be what about your sacrifice?"

(Happy, acquiescent, thankful.)

We'll see later from the script of 12x19 that Cas wants Dean to be thankful and relieved in general. And he thinks that him shouldering Dean's burdens will make Dean happy.

via @spnscripthunt-inactive 12x19

The tragedy is that Dean isn't relieved whenever Cas chooses to carry those heavy burdens. Whether it's the burdens of Heaven or Dean's...

When Cas is gone, Dean's in pieces.

via @spnscripthunt-inactive 12x23

[scoobydoodean]

Not asking you to speculate, but it seems to be REALLY funny to me that Wincesties try to insist that Sam is "gay" and Dean is "straight." It's about cutting off connections. Canon-Sam has no major male love interests, so there are no "male rivals" to entertain. Gay Sam feels safe. And since Canon-Dean has quite a few male love interests, some of them long-running, they need there to NOT be any "male rivals." A straight Dean is a safe Dean for them, too.

I think this is very true for some of them. In my experience, a good 90% of wincest shippers are samgirls. Some of them care about Dean a lot, but many of them do not actually care about Dean at all except as a brainless robot whose only function should be to shower Sam with praise and love and treat Sam as the center of his universe. Within this framework, they see any connection Dean might have to another person (another man or not) besides Sam as a threat to Sam's throne. Like straight up a bronly crawled into my notifs once on a simple post about Dean and Cas's care for one another because the idea of Dean and Cas caring about each other made them feel threatened, and the proceeded to to try and tell me Dean didn't care about Cas and that Dean is just "the little black dress" of the SPN fandom who Sam gets to wear in the end. I.e., Dean is nothing more than an accessory to many samgirls of the bronly persuasion—a status symbol.

On the other hand, there are other samgirls who openly despise Dean and have an interest in claiming that Sam is queer and Dean is the straightest straight to ever straight because they equate queerness with being special—and even in some strange way—being the most moral. They see it as a status symbol. This is also why they're obsessed with the idea of woman-coded Sam. They see simply being a woman as inherently more morally righteous. This is also why they engage in voter fraud. Cheating to win a poll means you actually won nothing, but there is still value in cheating to win for some Sam fans because they care so deeply about appearances. Queer Sam is not an actual passion for them it's just set dressing, but that set dressing matters to them desperately.

NOTE: I think there's room to complain here that many destiel shippers perceive Sam as super straight and Dean as queer, and to also apply underlying jealousy to that, but in the end, I just think the text lends itself to queer Dean better than it does queer Sam and that's just the damn truth. A lot of this is for pretty simple reasons, like the fact that Dean forms close bonds with other men in the canon of the show (Cas, Benny, Crowley, etc) whereas Sam tends to hold back on forming close relationships with anyone outside of Dean (until Eileen and Rowena) as a defense mechanism. This creates less opportunity for fans to explore Sam's connections with other men and become invested in those relationships. Another factor is (in the eyes of most fans) Jared's lack of romantic chemistry with other men. None of that means we can't construct compelling queer Sam readings, but I think it says something that the most obvious and compelling queer Sam reading I can think of is one Samgirls overwhelmingly reject—I think—because it codes his entire family as queer instead of just him, meaning he doesn't get to be the only one who's "special".

[fatallyaddictedtofiction]

Im just gonna allow myself to yap about supernatural and see where destiny takes me. SIDENOTE IF U WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS WITH ME LITERALLY PLEASE I WANT TO PLEASE INTERACT WITH ME.

Okay first of all im starting with the start (s1+2). BEST LIGHTING TO MOOD EVER EVER EVER. Like you want dark scary monsters??? ITS THERE. I remember there being a reason they changed the lighting (smugly: yes i listen to the podcast) but i CANT REMEMBER. The characterisation of the macho eldest son coded scared eldest daughter Dean is unreal and parallel in epicness to repressed queer allegory something is inherently wrong with him little brother. The brief moments of emotional vulnerability. Dont get me STARTED on Dean's monologue in the s2 finale i'll start crying. It's crazy how rude john is to Dean like excuse me he raised your kid and now ur bitching about him? Try saying thank you for once. I think the only reason john actually said im proud of you was because he realised when azazel said it dean was like "ur not my dad" and to john it was a little "oh shit" moment. Sam has every right to be angry but every time he gets angry at dean something in me shatters a little because deans trying so hard for himself and sam and sam doesnt know who or how to lash out (emotional dysregulation baybee) so aims for deans jugular like nooo honeyyyy noooooo. This era was the best sam in my opinion.

Rest of the show down here:

Onto S3-5. Cant remember jack about season 3. Season 4 CASTIEL MY BELOVED MY LIGHT MY LIFE MY REASON FOR LIVING. Absolutely loved everything about Weird Cas and i wanted more of him why did they have to domesticate him. His and Deans dynamic was impeccable and yk something??? I wanted to see Dean in hell torturing people i wanted to see it on his face how much he hated that he enjoyed it and i wanted to see Cas' face at watching the righteous man lose. Like the best we got was Yellow Fever GOD I LOVED THAT bit when he was hallucinating the book and it said "you gonna cry?" Like so many people think thats a funny episode but it makes me so sad because he is DYING and from such a young age hes been told to stow it away, lock it down to the point hes HALLUCINATING IT. Cas falling for dean. Im sorry i just. They are the best love story. LUCIFER. He was scarier back then, but i do love later seasons lucy too. Something about the peeling skin and the "we will always end up right here" just slapped. ENDVERSE EPSIODE god so good can we just take a moment to think about it. Okay cool thanks okay. Demon blood Sam arc was fun but had unfulfilled potential. Cant give you specifcs rn its late and my brain needs to get this all out so if you know you know. The whole meta stuff with Chuck was eh until he was confirmed as god and then i was like duuude the faint strings of marionettes are glistening in the sunrise like how do we know --- im getting ahead of myself.

S6-11. I know, its a big chunk. But basically the whole thing could be renamed "Crowley's unrequited love story". Cas and crowley were the best duo i almost forgot like they are genuinely so funny together and i bet it would be great to be tortured by them UMM THE BETRAYAL i honestly loved Cas' episode the only thing i didn't like was how the reveal itself was done like... Idk just a bit... Kryptonite???? Anywho i Loved the tension between Dean and Cas DEAN LOOKED BACK. Um leviathans were my favourite monster but they became so dumbbbb after washing up liquid killed them. BOBBYS EPISODE ALWAYS MAKES ME SOB MY EYES OUT "i raised two boys and they became heroes" allow me to DIE. Also damn impressed a shot to the head didnt take him down but it was lovely to see Deans first world, first solid rock properly crumble around him (forgetting john okay he wasnt a healthy rock) . PURGATORY DEAN JDJSJDJDJD kill me please his fight or flight mode was SO. So sad we didnt get more of purgatory like i would pay to see more i would kill probably but we'll overlook that. Benny my beloved. They definitely all got together Cas included like who wouldnt at that point. Smth i didnt like is how wheneer they went back to purgatory, unlike how dean described it "360 battle 24/7" or some shit like that it was EMPTY. Like please,, i know the plot needs convenience BUT PURGATORY ISNT SUPPOSED TO BE CONVENIENT. But dean recrafting his own memories to make himself believe that he failed to save Cas rather than what he perceived as Cas giving up on him- hang on i dropped my jaw somewhere, gimme a sec i need to go find it-- LIKE. HHHH. The whole mind control shit going on with Cas because his ties to Dean had been severed (saw a post about that and loved it but cant rmb it) and HIM BEING THE ONE TO BREAK IT. The crypt scene mmmm i love. Want more. Mark of Cain dean was literally my favourite. A violent, mentally unstable man who also has bad mental health and is often covered in blood? Yes pls. Cas being with him every step of the way. I havent mentioned Sam in a while. Hes just kind of been there. Hate that he slowly became 2D. Far away in the background hes got his worried expression and is rocking, saying "Dean? Dean? Cas? Jack? Dean?" Like writers why did u strip his personality except for worry. Do Not get me started on the whole Amelia thing ill stab someone. But yeah cas saying he'll watch dean murder the world is my universe :). If someone said that to me id say "omg really?" And develop a huge fat crush (somehow). CHARLIE DYING WAS AN ABOMINATION When they brought back Eileen why not charlie like. Dont bring characters back at this point because theres all sorts of issues grr. Amara was cool af but i didnt like the whole amara x dean stuff because it was just weird. Luciferrrrr hes so girlypop i love him DEAN DIDNT KNOW IT WASNT CAS but thats only because lucy purposefully wore less clothes around him to distract him.

S12-14. Im running out of steam. MARYYY. It hurt to see Sam get along with Mary becsuse he never knew her as anything else while all dean wanted was a mom and that wasnt who she really was anymore. He loved her so much but couldnt break through that barrier of "it wasnt the perfect marriage until after she died" vibes. God that scene in s5 where its suggested dean saw +/ smelled what happened to Mary and he was literally backing himself into a corner BROKE me. Havent mentioned the Wayward sisters but please know they are so important to me they are my everything. Jack is also. Loved Kelly, very sad she had to die. Wanted Jack to be a baby but thats not good for television is it. But i love Jack so much hes such a sweetie who can kill with a thought. Alternate universe michael and Michael!Dean was epic af but michael dying like that was so anticlimactic gonna be honest i think they were just reaching for ways to lose Jacks soul. Garth GARTH!!! Hes so cute. I loved all those "hand recorded" episodes btw like ghostfacers and that one teen wolf type stuff. Dean hiding in his room is so me. Free Will Theory is so fucked up at this point ur sat there saying gods been pulling the strings this whole time and i supposed to be okay with it?? I so get why deans angry but i definitely think thats something Chuck emphasised (crappy excuse for crappy writing) to an extreme level because WHAT. Like dude. I cant even describe how out of character he felt at some times.

S15. Currently rewatching and cant rmb much of it. 3 characters dead in the first 3 episodes. They either kill off all side characters or we dont hear from them at all to tie up or shove away loose ends. I cant even talk abiut the finale please i cant rn im way too tired. It straight up didnt need to exist, it could've only been 19 eps. Cas. Castiel. He did want you my darling.

[according2thelore]

Need me some more of your LS!Sam jealousy if you have any ideas. But also just overall want more of your specific brand of hurt/comfort. It always hits just right, which is to say it stabs me in the heart every single time. Bless us with your ideas please😩

(Or smut of course we'd never say no to smut👀)

i'm back baby!!! i never forgot about this one bestie don't you WORRY--and i've come to deliver 😌 (2.7k words...this is just a ficlet good lord)

sammy looks down at his phone for the seventh time. his screensaver--dean asleep on his chair in the TV room with a blanket pulled up to his chin and hand in a bowl of popcorn--glows up at him. no new notifications.

sammy shifts in his chair. he looks around the empty library. he checks his phone. no new notifications. he swipes up and types in his code 3-3-2-6 (and he'll never fucking tell dean what it stands for, ever, good lord, he'll take it to his grave), but his last message still sits in an unread blue

Sam: Hey, I've got to stop by the store later to get some stuff for dinner. Come with?

Dean: Sorry man. Busy. Text later. 20 min?

20 minutes later, Sam: Hey, I'm ready.

and nothing. not a peep. it's been over an hour since dean said he'd be ready in twenty, and dean hasn't even poked his head in.

the act of sammy asking was performance. he and dean have been going to the store together every friday since they damn moved into the bunker. they only miss a day when they're pissed at each other, and sammy starts to worry. is dean mad at him?

things have definitely been a little...tense...since the younger version of themselves showed up. conversations have to be stilted, and they have to talk around things more than they can actually talk about them.

they've had to get more careful about sharing a bed. they haven't had sex in a week, and the only time they got to actually share a bed was after younger sam had gotten a sprained wrist on a hunt and younger dean had been practically sleeping on top of him a few months ago.

sammy knows that his younger self has been having a rough go of it. especially after he found the voicemail last week, he's completely shut sammy out, like he can avoid the future by ignoring it. and sammy represents all the messy, ugly parts that sam dreads.

sam also knows that his younger self has been clinging to dean--both deans, really--like a child clings to their mother. sammy thinks that a reminder of how close they can come to losing dean in a near-permanent way has shaken him.

this version of sam has never had to stare down the barrel of the gun of dean's death. sammy almost pities him, if he didn't also harbor his own resentments.

it's not surprising--therefore--to find sam with older dean. it is surprising, however, to find them in the room their younger selves' share. sam doesn't know where younger dean has gone, but sam is almost glad he found them first.

because if his younger self had stumbled across it, it would've ended badly.

sammy freezes in the doorway, horror-stricken. there's no other word for the dread that sinks into his bones, the i knew it, i knew it.

they're sitting on one of the beds, sam tilted forward into dean's space. but--and sam inhales are staggered as realization hits--dean's hand on the back of sam's head directs him to a shoulder.

sam's younger self mutters something that sammy can't hear. it's quiet, agonized, and dean claps him on the back of the neck a few times, gentle.

dean hasn't noticed sammy in the doorway yet, all of his attention at the boy almost melted into his arms, even though they're positioned too awkwardly for a full embrace.

"i know, sammy." dean murmurs, his neck pat on sam's head almost a caress. his brow is pulled together, and he looks uncomfortable. "c'mon, cut it out with all that."

sam's going to be sick. he's never seen such naked affection or care on dean's face before. not directed at anyone else. the glimpses he's gotten directed at himself have been snapshots of fear, moments in which he lets the mask slip. he's gotten anger, and fear, and worry, but not this.

dean, in this moment, thinks he is unobserved. and it's love. naked, on his face.

sam's chest is tight. he feels like something has reached inside of him and squeezes his stomach in its fist. he knows what that feels like. he's going to be sick, he's going to scream, he's going to kill someone.

jealousy, hard and ugly and roaring, claws at the inside of sam's ribs.

he has never been on the outside of a look like this. not from dean, and not to someone else.

that's mine. he's giving away what's mine.

"i don't want to hurt him. please tell me i don't hurt you." young sam begs, and sam watches as his fist curls into a ball on his lap. it's quiet, harsh, like sam is hissing it between clenched teeth.

dean adjusts them both, but sam sees it for what it is--dean's head tilts to the side, a fleeting nose nuzzled in sam's hair.

sam feels it like he feels the barrel of a gun in his mouth. 'burning' is too kind of a word for what he does. his body feels like a wick, his only job to be destroyed.

"you know we can't talk about it." dean says, softly.

"fuck." sam tilts his head so the thin skin of his forehead scrapes against dean's stubble. "i don't even know why i'm telling you this. i'd never say this out loud."

sam sounds miserable, trapped. it doesn't make older sam feel better. it makes him angry.

what does sam have to be miserable for? he hasn't lived through any of it yet. he hasn't been forced to live through it.

he hasn't earned the look on dean's face. he hasn't spent two decades trying to earn it.

he doesn't know anything about loving dean.

"shh. look at me." dean murmurs, and he pushes sam away by the shoulders. sam stubbornly keeps his eyes on dean's shirt, and dean taps him on the shoulder. "c'mon baby boy. look at me."

baby boy. baby boy. c'mon baby boy.

sam--because of course he fucking would, any version of sam is bred to respond to that, is created to--looks up. he meets dean's eyes.

that's sammy's. 'baby boy' is sammy's.

hearing it come from dean's mouth, seeing it land on foreign ears. ears covered by scruff that find truth in other things, still.

dean smiles--indulgently, proud, with a twist of sarcasm that makes it so dean that sammy has to catch himself against the doorjamb--at younger sam.

"good. there he is. it's because it's me. and it's because you're you. i always look out for you, don't i?" he nudges sam's chin up with a scarred knuckle, and drops his hand against sam's shoulder, a stiff clap. "you're mine, and i look out for what's mine, isn't that right?"

"dean--" "dean--" sam, in concert.

younger sam, in front of dean, awed. older sam, in the doorway, grief-stricken. angry.

how the fuck could dean sling that around like it's nothing? how the fuck could he say that, take ownership of something--someone--other than sam?

even if it's a younger version of him, dean has sworn his fealty, proclaimed his complete devotion to a facsimile of sam--an improved version of him. the version of him that he wanted first, that has all the fire and none of the nightmares.

i'm me. and you're you. i always look out for you don't i? i look out for what's mine.

words that sam has fallen asleep to, words that--at some points in his life--were the only things keeping him sane.

sam feels--absurdly--like he just heard dean say their wedding vows to someone else, like a jilted bride watching someone else on the altar. later, he'll unpack that, but now it's--

"sammy." dean's eyes on him, finally. sam slumps in the doorway, so fucking relieved to have broken the intense, devoted spell of the room. younger sam turns to look at him, face frozen in a scowl. intruder, it says. this is mine, it says. sam's about to ask dean to speak with him in the hallway, when dean says, "i'll be with you in a second, okay?"

i'll be with you in a second. dismissed. sam's been dismissed. priority has been established. and it's someone else. sam doesn't move.

he wants to press his fingertips into every inch of dean's skin until they bruise. he wants his name carved in dean's skin. they share so much--the sigils burned into their ribcages, their tattoos, their history--but it's not enough, anymore. he wants to rip into dean's carotid and drink.

mine. mine. mine. his blood sings. dean seems to have forgotten.

"chin up, kid. i'm still here, aren't i? with sammy." dean's chin tips towards sam in the doorway, seemingly knowing sam wouldn't move an inch. he gives younger sam one last pat on the arm, a gentle nod. "always been yours, baby. couldn't hurt me if you tried."

a nail in sam's coffin. yours.

not fucking likely.

~~~

"what the fuck was that?" sam shoves dean, hard, and dean slams back into the closed door.

they're in dean's room--the room that they shared until a few months ago when these parasites swooped in and tried to take what sam had fought for, had earned, fair and square.

he's sunk his claws into dean's being, and he will be damned and fucked if he gives even an inch up. he won't.

"woah, sammy, what--" dean starts with anger, but when sam turns around, dean's entire body shifts. his shoulders slump, and his hands come up, placating. "woah hey hey hey. come on, now. what happened?"

sam dodges dean's hand that reaches for his arm, and dean still follows through with the movement, confused, like he's adrift without the contact.

good, sam thinks viciously.

"he's your 'baby,' now?" sam spits, but dean only blinks. he's not reacting at all with anger, like sam was hoping, and sam has to work to keep his fury, has to throw logs on the fire.

"sam, what are you talking about?" dean asks, and his voice is only raised a little. not enough.

"we said we weren't going to start shit. that we weren't going to take any firsts. did you just decide to change that without telling me?" sam jabs dean in the chest again, once. dean shoves his hand off of him, and good. good good good--sam wants a fight--he wants dean to hurt--

"well, why didn't you tell me you had a suicide plan, huh? when you were twenty three?" dean says, and now his voice is raised. he shoves sam back, and sam takes the step back.

"it wasn't like that." sam rolls his eyes. and it wasn't. and damn that little fucker for trying to tell dean anything.

dean shoves him again, but sam doesn't move this time, and dean gets in his face.

"that's what he told me. that you'd been thinking about ways to kill yourself if you turned darkside." dean's close, so close that sam can see the colour changes in his eyes, and he shoulders past dean, just to get some fucking air.

incredulity and hurt and anger broil over in sam.

"so you're going to take his word for things now? over me?" his voice cracks. there it is. weak spot targeted.

dean deflates like a balloon. sam's still puffing, still heaving for breath, but it feels pathetic now, not righteous. he looks away from dean's sharp gaze.

"sam." dean says. even. "sammy."

sam won't look at him. dean stomps forward, and before sam can protest, dean is pulling him down into a vicious kiss. it feels like a punch, all teeth and punishment and tongue. sam takes to it like a starving man, matching dean blow for blow and trying to press himself into dean's body, tongue first.

dean has to put a hand on sam's neck to push him away.

"i don't--" sam pants, chest heaving.

"you're mine." dean snaps. and his hand tightens a little at the base of sam's throat. "say it."

sam can't. his throat closes. all that fire, all that fury, for nothing. sam's throat burns. he swallows.

why would he say it, if it's not true? if dean can say those things to someone else, what was the true veracity of them to begin with?

dean's hand drops from sam's throat, and sam feels actual tears building now.

a hand on his chin, and unlike the one younger sam got, this one sticks.

"you and me." dean says, firm, eyes on sam's. sam looks down into the face of the man he loves, the man that raised him, the man that is him, almost, and quails. he hopes. "yours." dean says, hard, and it doesn't sound like deference, or submission. it's an assertion. i am yours.

sam's insides quaver. he's still so angry. his hands shake. he doesn't touch dean back, and dean winds his hand into sam's collar like he's going to wind up for a punch.

but sam knows him. it's to keep him close.

sam doesn't know what for. even if dean has shiny new toys, sam has no where else to go. it would take dean's younger self all but a week to get sick of him. to get confused and tired of the things sam can't do.

"don't make it sound like i don't need you to breathe, sammy." dean says, and something slips into his voice. a tone that sits wrong. desperation. "it's not the same with him. you know it isn't."

dean's eyes are wide, like he's realizing the depth here. he stepped out onto a pool float and realized he's over a trench, thousands of feet of water and hurt and disappointment and anger.

"i hate that he's me." sam says, but he doesn't mean to. "that he has things and can give you things that i will never get back--"

dean shakes him, hard, like a dog with something in its mouth. it knocks something loose in sam, the part of him that wants to fight, the part of him that's gotten buried under years and years and years of torture, the immediate instinct to submit to make it hurt less.

this is the part of me that he loves, the part of me i don't have anymore.

sam tries to stoke it, to make that rage, that possessiveness, the innate entitlement to dean bloom and blossom. it rises. it rises. it rises.

sam wants it back. he wants dean.

"shut up. shut the hell up." dean says, suddenly goddamn furious at the slight sam has lain against himself. dean shoves him away, chest heaving. then, like a switch has been flipped, he goes still. calm. eyes hard. "get on your knees."

sam has a split second where he questions it, where the animal under his breastbone tries to reconcile submission and possessiveness. dean is mine, it howls. and sam is starting to realize, that dean needs this too.

that the answer, is a simple yes.

sam knows this game. it's not one they play often. one they haven't played in over a year, now. the request is not a command. it's asking: do you forgive me? are we okay? do you trust me? will you give me a chance to prove i mean it?

sam gets on his knees.

dean's exhale is shaky, mouth trembling. he didn't think sam would, did he?

"sammy." dean says, relief. he pads forward, and fits a hand under sam's chin, gentle. soft. sam closes his eyes, leans against dean's thigh. the denim of his jeans is soft against sam's cheek. it smells like dean and detergent and home.

sam just wants to go home.

"he hasn't earned this." sam says. it's as much as question as it is a statement. his younger self isn't dean's in the way that sam is. he hasn't loved him as long, or as hard, or as deeply.

he hasn't forgiven and fought and held grudges and hated. he hasn't felt this deeply, yet.

he doesn't know dean like sam does. sam knows him better than anyone. even if he tried, he couldn't give older dean what sam can. what sam wants to.

when he looks up, though, dean looks...upset. frightened, almost. unhappy.

"never had to earn it, sweetheart." dean swears, and he tilts sam's chin up. dean bends so he can press a kiss to sam's lips. apologetic. it tastes like love, this time. open and naked and vulnerable. dean pulls up on sam's shoulders, urging him to stand up. "come here."

so sam does. and he makes sure dean knows who he belongs to.

~~~

so i took the steering wheel on this one and jerked us off the road, lol. i hope you were wearing your seatbelt, @animangalover15 <3

this got a little bit more dom/subby than i usually write, but i took at look at my last NSFT ES/LS ficlet and LS!Dean do be domming a little...as a treat...

anyways, i hope you liked!!!! i hope it makes up for the embarrassing time it took me to respond. just know i've been plotting and planning behind the scenes!

mwah mwah!

-lizzy

AN: we've gained quite a few followers, so hello new followers! the ES/LS verse is a little thing i've written on here. it's a time travel AU of sorts where the ES!SeasonBoys (early season) get transported to the LS!BunkerEraBoys (late season). the tag is below if you're interested in seeing more :)

[angelsdean]

DEAN Well, whatever. Something turned him into a monster. And you know if you woulda taken out the other one there'd be one less to worry about. SAM I'm sorry, all right? I hesitated, Dean, it was a kid! DEAN No, it was an "it". Not the best time for a bleeding heart, Sam.

Once again, random line at the start of the episode that on the surface level paints Dean as overly-callous, isn't actually abt the person they're talking about and is instead abt Dean's own internal turmoil over what John told Dean before he died, as is the thread throughout this entire episode (and the season at large) which will be made explicit by the end of the ep (and into the next) when dean finally reveals what John told him he'd have to do.

For weeks (months? -- how long has it been at this point) Dean has been grappling with the knowledge of what John wants him to do. He's trying to reconcile with it, trying to understand a world where he could follow through with John's request and actually kill Sam. We know from 2x03 Bloodlust that Dean's already started questioning John's brand of monster ethics. It's Dean, not Sam, at the end of that episode who reflects on the case and how that applies to their lives and their job and it's Dean who wonders how many monsters didn't actually deserve to die. Sam just sweeps it under the rug and gives John the benefit of the doubt, saying he was doing "the best he could," while Dean feels torn up about the whole thing. What John taught them is no longer enough, not when he's got Sam's life in his hands. Not when he has to determine when his own brother is past the point of saving. And the parallel storyline with Gordon and his sister shows us that Dean wouldn't be able to do the same.

Now, in 2x09, we see he's still grappling with this issue. When it comes to monster ethics on this show, it can get dicey. Both brothers flip-flop a lot, depending on the situation, sometimes they fall back on what John taught them, but they both also have their own separate codes they follow. John's brand of monster ethics was very much = a monster is a monster is a monster and shoot first ask questions later. Dean's brand of monster ethics is: a monster is someone (can even be human!) who preys on and kills innocent people. Sam generally I think believes this too, but! he is prone to sympathizing or not sympathizing with certain monsters depending on how he personally relates to them. Max in 1x14 got his full sympathy because Sam related to him and saw him as a victim, whereas Simon in 2x05 gets very little sympathy from Sam despite also being one of the Special Children because Sam is already convinced that he's the "bad guy."

Anyways, point is, while Dean does "shoot first" in the scene they're discussing above, he does it because he sees the man harming his wife. Hurting an innocent person = monster. He's also grappling with the Sam and John stuff. He's questioning his father's ethics but also wondering at what point will Sam stop being his brother if he were to "go darkside." So he's working out these feelings by talking about other people. "It was an 'it'. Not time for a bleeding heart" is more about him telling himself that, in my opinion. It's him trying to convince himself to not let his heart get in the way of his job. Because Dean cares so much. Because Dean is often thee bleeding heart being forced into impossible situations by the narrative. He's always letting himself be vulnerable to hurt and loss. And he knows IF it ever gets to the point where Sam is the thing that's hurting people, he'll still struggle to kill him. So he's telling himself now, letting John's "wisdom" speak through him, to not let his heart get in the way.

But we know, we know it's just words. Because later in this episode when they all think Sam is infected, he can't go through with it. Would rather die himself (and right the "wrong" of him even being alive in the first place) along with Sam than kill his own brother.

[mellohiizz]

To me, parrot is so 'free bird that doesn't want to be chained down' coded

If you think abt it, every option that he had that any form of 'safe' restrained him from living his life

-the obsidian box that Leo gave him, when he was first chased down by clown

-the jungle house that he had, refraining himself from indirectly hurting other people and also to keep himself safe

-proton prison, where he was somewhat safe (according to ken) but a place where he couldn't do anything

-maybe end civ, if you really think abt it, a place of supposed safety, millions block away from society (kinda similar to jaron's now that I think abt it and we all know how that went lol)

-and wifies, who was willing to do anything to keep parrot safe, even if it meant restraining him from doing his righteous shit, a partial chain from him being a free bird

Side note :

I love parrot's allay, iirc he said that the allay was a symbol of hope and friendship, maybe he meant it in a sense that he thinks, that no matter how much they separated, no matter how much they lost each other, they will always come back

Also side note :P :

If you think abt it, that allay is the only thing that has that he can keep for himself, wifies and dean are their own people, the emerald and the book were and always will be Luigi's, parrot has lost so much in his episodes

Wifies, his safety, the end civ, maybe partially his savior thing when he lost Luigi

Maybe the reason that he had when he tried to save his allay, was bcs he didn't have anything else, that the allay was the only meaningful thing that he could have for himself, that could maybe keep safe

Idk if this is a good take or not, I just has this I my head for a while :P

ohhhh, actually, a really good take, i completely agree with everything. parrot is a very free bird, pun intended.

he always refused to let people put him into restrictions and openly defied every possible rule that kept him from doing something he wanted to do. even if it put him in danger, he always stood his own ground, especially in the latest videos.

he doesn't let anything hold him back, seemingly even when it comes to someone like wifies, who's the closest person to him. that seems to be both his biggest strength and his fatal flaw.

because yes, it helps him get out of the situations a lot, but it also causes him to put himself and others into said situations in the first place, and it also causes him to tunnel vision on things and overlook anything else that's important. like how he tunnel visioned on avenging luigi's death, or whatever his driving point right now is, and completely ignore what was in the background. (dean and wifies conflict, dean's reasoning for what he did, wifies' concern over him)

also. the allay. GOD that stupid little thing. i've seen a few takes on what the allay might represent and honestly, i most agree with either the allay being a representation of hope—as stated earlier in the series, the only thing that they always had, that parrot always had. or it could be a representation of luigi's lingering spirit, because that also seemed to be a theme the whole episode. i, personally, like to think that it's a mix of both.

[lavenderdreams205]

spn thoughts as requested

tw & spoiler warning

they should have kept the grungy filter and aesthetics from the early seasons

bring back the southern / midwest gothic vibes

dean would've listened to and loved 90's & 2000s grunge - I know that the whole "there's no good music past '79" is a key part of his personality but pre series/early seasons dean is soo nirvana / Weezer / smashing pumpkins coded

there is too much flannel in the later seasons - I miss the carhartt and leather jackets so bad

BRING BACK DEANS JEWELRY

there's so much about cas that we don't know. there's all the episodes where he just isn't there and they never tell the viewers what he's doing or where he went

on the same note, cas's personality isn't nearly as flushed out as sam's or dean's are. who is his favorite musician? what's his favorite place to travel to? why does he like the pimpmobile so much? does he actually like the trench coat or does he wear it just because it's there?

so many people characterize cas as a little guy, and while he is cute, it's important to remember that he's also an incredibly powerful eldritch horror who leads angelic armies and brands Michaels vessel just because

dean is bisexual and in love with cas - I won't take the time to list all of the reasons here, but you can definitely find those reasons somewhere

i would've loved for them to use the handprint as a physical manifestation of their bond instead of having it be just a scar that fades with time

i'm actually really ok with the way cas dies, I think it makes sense for his character and provides closure (for him, at least, not for dean)

the parallels of cas and dean meeting in a barn and then dean dying in a barn

cassie is deans first love, cas is his last

the imagery of the empty as cas's wings in 15x18

why do the subtitles spell cas as cass, its awful

there's a few lines in the early seasons that seemingly reference dean getting roofied / sa'd and are subsequently played for laughs, Jensen Ackles confirmed that dean would've done underage sw when John didn't leave them with enough money. I believe that this trauma is a major reason that dean never accepted his sexuality

the way deans alcoholism is overlooked and joked about is actually insane

having dean be completely ok after 15x18 is also insane, especially after the widower arc where the show specifically shows it's viewers how deeply dean grieves cas when he dies

deans death is literally so stupid. I get that the show is trying to make a really meta point about the characters not having plot armor anymore because chuck is gone, but dean deserved to find peace. if the events of the show had never happened and pre series dean had never gotten pre series Sam back into hunting it would've ended the exact same way - dean dead on a hunt and Sam dying from old age

dean spends as much time on earth as he did in hell, and while he would never be the same, I like to believe that if he had been allowed by the narrative to live longer he would've gotten back a little of the twinkle in his eyes that he had before hell

in 15x20 Bobby says that cas helped rebuild heaven but if he was there he would've gone to see dean. additionally, there's no way cas should have been able to escape the empty. this is such a glaringly obvious plot hole and it drives me nuts

I would've liked to see cas's wings in the show - not just the shadow of them

the only time I tolerate serious discussion of wincest is in the context of ethel cain

i am a Sam disliker - while he does have many positive qualities, I have a really hard time getting past him not looking for dean when he was in purgatory and him joking about deans alcoholism and other traumas

i like Sam the best when he's with Eileen, I think they're adorable together and I'm mad they killed her off

I am a chronic jack defender, that boy has done nothing wrong

it would be interesting to explore cas and jacks relationships with their respective genders

there's no way being forced to murder the dean clones didn't affect cas, we only saw him kill the last one but the first few he had to kill had to have been devastating

i'm really disappointed by 14x13 Lebanon, we get the scene with John and Sam but I would argue that dean has significantly more reasons to be upset with John and it's unfortunate that the episode just glossed over this - I believe a screaming match between the two would have cleared the air a bit and been at the very least cathartic for dean

i'm fairly sure that it's canonical that John sent dean away on his 17th birthday to kill lesbian ghosts. my personal hc is that John suspected that dean was bi and sent him to teach him a lesson

i saw a post on here comparing hunting culture to biker and cowboy culture and viewing those things through a queer lens and I thought it was fascinating - there's so much spn could've done if it cared about the show more than money and losing viewers

every time cas and dean beat the shit out of each other, it serves as further proof of their relationship rather than discrediting their relationship - ie demon dean and cas fighting in the library is used to parallel Cain and Collette. it could even be assumed that their love is stronger because Cain killed Collette but dean left cas alive

The purgatory love triangle was so silly

once dean worked through all of his trauma and toxic masculinity he would've been a swiftie

all of the main characters have old / vintage cars but in like season 13/14 dean sam and cas just collectively own and use this really ugly silver truck from the 2010s. its such a small detail but it absolutely ruins my viewing experience every time I see it

dean is actually really smart but most of the fandom overlooks it because Sam is characterized as the smart one. if you know anything about cars you know it takes an insane amount of brains to build a car from scratch (he did this with baby multiple times throughout the show) also he just makes an emf meter using basically nothing. if dean had been given the same opportunities he gave Sam, he would've been an engineer or something

i will always be a John hater, if this man has 0 haters, I am dead

[azquine]

Having a little internal debate. In a story where Community characters are in the Wizard of Oz Annie would obviously be Dorothy, Troy would be the scarecrow who had more brains than he thought, and Abed would be the Tin man who always had the capacity to feel. Shirley has also already got a reference as Glinda. But I'm not completely sure who is the cowardly lion?

Jeff, perhaps? But he *thinks* he has more confidence than he actually does, so that doesn't quite work. Peirce again thinks he is more brave than he actually is. He seems like the kind of guy to have a flying monkey army, anyway. He works well as a villain. Britta's issues don't really have anything to do with bravery, but it would mean that everyone in the story is a Flat 303 resident.

The dean could work, he has the gay coding, but by any real logic would be the wizard who is running the whole place with more pizzaz than substance. Chang is many things, but not afraid, more fear and shame would probably do him some good. Then who? Garett? Neil? They aren't big enough characters to justify such a big role. Later entries such as Frankie and Elroy or Hickey also don't have any courage based issues. Duncan, perhaps??? He's technically part of the group at one point, but that doesn't feel right as one of three characters important to Annie/Dorothy. So who else is important to Annie? Vaughan? He's more scarecrow material and Troy already fills that out well.