#actually cptd

[hussyknee]

I need to really focus on figuring out what's wrong with me and unfucking myself instead of burying myself in humanitarian crises and novels. Whenever I'm really struggling to get through the most basic tasks, I keep thinking it's because I'm not pushing myself harder, rather than the fact that something is clearly critically wrong. Even after all this time, disabling myself more and more trying to push myself past breaking point, my knee-jerk response is to feel like I'm failing everyone around me, instead of having the self-compassion to realize I really, really need help. And I know that it's because there never seemed to be any point begging for help, knowing I'd be ignored at best and punished for it at worst. Maybe I avoid thinking about it because it breaks my own heart when I do. I can't figure out if that's self-compassion or self-pity.

[wallerina]

i keep seeing men that look like my dad at work and it feels like a bad omen. like im genuinely really scared it'll be him one day

[hel7l7]

I NEED YOUR SAFETY

[cxma-baby]

[killtheinvisibleenvy]

Every time I think about you I cry

I'm so fucking sorry for throwing it all away

I said forever but in the end I couldn't stay

I should've tried harder I should've fought back

But that was the problem wasn't it my dear?

In the end lovers torn apart through mismanaged

anger and anguish

Reveling in each other's misery

Every time I get another taste it leaves a sad bitter note

Of why I packed up my stuff shipped it off in a tote

Fuck why'd this have to be so hard...

[remnantsofhersoul]

I said that one day I'd be something and everyone would soon be proud of me.

I'd sit and watch the day go by and think of all the things I'd like to be.

So many of my dreams have gone and now

I'm left with only emptiness.

There's nothing that can make me better,

Nothing that can take away this pain.

Chris’s letter, seventh day slumber

[brokenboysfrombrokenhomes]

On the other hand, a lot of people with BPD get misdiagnosed with Bipolar disorder, cptd and other mental illness. A fan who actually has BPD spoke extensively about why she thinks Ben has BPD @/sunsetsover

Great that she relates to him! He's still fictional and her view of him should not dictate how other people see him. What I'm saying about c-ptsd about Ben is along those lines : it looks like he has c-ptsd. When I look at the symptoms, he checks all of them. From the BPD checklist I've seen, and from people's experiences with it, it doesn't look like he has bpd to me. But again, he is fictional, that's only my perspective on this fictional character. If he is representation of bpd to her, then great!

[talontheartist]

[wallerina]

actually was having an okay night and started getting ready for bed at a reasonable time and then i read something triggering and now its 1:33 am and ive been up for hours obsessing and dry sobbing. i feel so worthless why cant i ever just have a good day i hate this fucking disorder