#but i have OCD so. aint my fault really
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hussyknee · 11 months ago
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I need to really focus on figuring out what's wrong with me and unfucking myself instead of burying myself in humanitarian crises and novels. Whenever I'm really struggling to get through the most basic tasks, I keep thinking it's because I'm not pushing myself harder, rather than the fact that something is clearly critically wrong. Even after all this time, disabling myself more and more trying to push myself past breaking point, my knee-jerk response is to feel like I'm failing everyone around me, instead of having the self-compassion to realize I really, really need help. And I know that it's because there never seemed to be any point begging for help, knowing I'd be ignored at best and punished for it at worst. Maybe I avoid thinking about it because it breaks my own heart when I do. I can't figure out if that's self-compassion or self-pity.
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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago
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Ronnie & Joe
Ronnie: [a phone number]
Ronnie: found you your own special plug
Joe: Can’t wait to get gang-raped by whoever this is
Joe: or maybe it’s a phishing scam, what route have you gone down 🤔
Ronnie: route of she can be your number 8 cos youre such a bike
Joe: it’s that kind of hook-up
Ronnie: pay for the gear if you cant get it up soft lad she looks fuck all like your ma
Ronnie: couldnt track down no more of her bastards for you soz
Joe: taking your role that seriously?
Joe: alright
Ronnie: getting out of it
Ronnie: she can babysit you
Joe: she probably lost custody of her own so
Joe: nice of you on all fronts
Ronnie: yeah
Joe: what, your dealer don’t like me or something
Ronnie: how the fuck would i know like
Ronnie: and how would he you legged it out of there soon as he showed
Joe: no shit I did
Ronnie: ordeals over now baby go cry to your new mammy about it
Joe: unlikely
Joe: but it ain’t my ordeal so
Ronnie: they ll swab & treat him he ll be sound
Joe: give a shit about him
Ronnie: if youve got something to say
Joe: I just said it
Joe: I don’t care about him
Ronnie: you dont care about me fuck off with your heroics
Joe: you didn’t want swooping up and saving, don’t mean I don’t give a fuck
Ronnie: your student loan aint gonna cover both our habits youd have me dopesick cause youre fucking jealous that means you dont
Joe: you’re jealous
Joe: and I said, didn’t stop you, didn’t say you had to
Joe: what’s fun about something oozing and itching in your pants, that’s all
Ronnie: of what
Joe: of every boring ex I have or will ever have
Ronnie: you wish
Ronnie: get em in a room together and they aint even jealous of each other
Joe: I know
Joe: x2
Ronnie: you dont know shit mckenna
Joe: so today I’m green
Joe: not the know-it-all smug college kid
Joe: nice to know how to play it
Ronnie: smug is right whenever i aint gonna suck your dick cause you can read music
Joe: that’s all that’s stopping you?
Ronnie: nah remember its the death wish attention whoring & mommy issues
Ronnie: cant both be functioning junkies youd have fuck all else to get a boner about
Joe: how long have you been doing heroin
Ronnie: youve got loads of catching up to do
Joe: yeah, so I don’t know why you’re acting like I’m being high and mighty
Joe: it’s literally been days
Ronnie: cause you are
Joe: no I’m not, just ‘cos I’d rather not suck dick when I have the funds
Joe: would you do it if you had the cash, that’s just stupid
Ronnie: youve been comparing me to any & every cunt since we met
Joe: like you don’t shit on me any and every chance you get
Joe: you were acting like them, the whole none of my shit is real because yours is SO real, that’s her whole bit
Ronnie: you cant stop fucking doing it even now fucks sake
Ronnie: i shit on you for you its not like i have any cunt to compare you to
Joe: alright, if you’re that sensitive about it
Joe: I’ll really stop
Joe: there 🤐
Ronnie: fuck you
Joe: nah, that was a dick move, alright
Joe: let me make it up to you
Ronnie: youre crying shes a patronising cunt guess what youre right there too
Joe: alright, I deserve that
Ronnie: drop dead
Ronnie: yeah its been days days of me giving you whatever the fuck you ask for
Joe: I know
Joe: so what do you want, seriously
Joe: I’ll do it, make it happen, whatever
Ronnie: like fuck can you make anything happen
Ronnie: youre like every other doss cunt i know theres your comparison
Joe: Probably am
Joe: but you’re the only person I’ve met who feels close to whatever the fuck I am
Joe: there’s the truth
Ronnie: whichever of your exes that worked on is more west than either of us
Joe: Oh I can easily be that dickhead and tell you how crazy they all were
Ronnie: go ed
Joe: the second to last one was the worst
Joe: full-on stalked and harassed the last one like, for no reason
Joe: she also messed with all my shit in a way she thought would send me into an OCD spiral because she didn’t get it
Joe: and when she started hooking up with some other kid she’d send me pics like I’d be 💔
Joe: that’s just after, that was all kind of amusing in a boring way, she was less amusing to be with but more mental
Ronnie: shouldve had some tips off her for the stalking bullshit its probably not too late to send her a dm
Ronnie: ones ive got from this is i dont have to bother learning the alphabet cos id be better off fucking with your record collection by smashing it up & child porn does fuck all for you
Joe: that is my thing, turning up uninvited to fuck everything up
Joe: she might go for it
Joe: exactly, both good to know, yeah 😏
Joe: all pretty basic and vanilla but still, annoying as shit
Ronnie: unless you can get me to do it for you yeah
Ronnie: dinners at what like 7
Joe: you’re gonna ruin my happy uni home?
Joe: oh no
Joe: be there be 7, eating at 8, apparently
Joe: time to ‘mingle’ as she put it which sounds suspicious af
Ronnie: fucking hell
Ronnie: thank christ i already hate you
Joe: saves times, energy less so
Joe: your mate is up for it, unless he’s a convincing liar, which I could see
Ronnie: what energy do you want name it theres gear thatll give us it
Ronnie: he is but i cant see the con shes got fuck all any cunt wants other than pasta shapes & mariahs likely on a diet
Joe: 🤤 and not over her appetizers, like
Joe: there’ll only be the 6 of us so we’ll need entertainment
Ronnie: lad flatmates bringing a bitch
Ronnie: shes gonna need something to get her through it or something she can use to end it
Joe: yeah he has a missus
Joe: even though him and Sophie belong together as the most average whitebread couple ever
Ronnie: make it happen then
Joe: where’s my bow and arrow
Joe: their 💘 ain’t my problem
Ronnie: you said you could do whatever and we needed entertainment
Ronnie: put all that money where your mouth is
Joe: you’re well sweet
Joe: you want her to be living her best life
Joe: dunno if I can hack being his shoulder to cry on in the interim
Ronnie: your teeth wont have time to rot before you choke on em talking to me like that
Joe: go on then
Ronnie: you owe me i dont owe you
Joe: I thought you’d ask for something better
Joe: but your loss
Ronnie: yours youre thinking about it
Joe: I get it, you want it to be hell living here
Ronnie: i dont wanna have to ask
Joe: for what
Ronnie: anything
Joe: why not
Ronnie: you think you can read my mind or some shit
Joe: I’d like to
Joe: and I think you get me, and yeah, I think I get you more than the bullshit mommy issues attention whore comment that was to get a reaction
Joe: I don’t think we’re twin flames just because we share some DNA, I’m not that kind of delusional, believe it or not
Ronnie: cause weve shared a needle though yeah
Joe: I get it, another kid with a habit, you’ve met hundreds
Joe: it is different though
Joe: tell me it isn’t
Ronnie: different cos its a habit you didnt have days ago
Joe: it’s not your fault
Joe: for good or bad
Joe: you didn’t spike me without asking
Ronnie: i didnt say that
Ronnie: i said thats why its different
Joe: yeah
Ronnie: nobody did any of this shit for me i dont know why im doing it for you
Joe: do you want to, or do you think you need to
Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter
Joe: you either fuck with me, you like fucking with me or you think you’ve got to protect me or some bollocks
Ronnie: protect you from the needle i stuck in your arm yeah that makes loads of sense
Joe: from getting a bad dose, being beat up by one of your dealers
Ronnie: i just wanted a front row seat
Ronnie: im not gonna get one when your family finds out
Joe: that’s fine by me
Joe: you reckon they’ll fly me home for an intervention then?
Joe: shouldn’t be surprising how oblivious they are
Ronnie: i dont care what they do to try & fix it youll be at rock bottom by then
Joe: they won’t try, they don’t
Joe: just because I weren’t shooting up doesn’t mean I haven’t been doing plenty other fucked shit for ages without it ever being a conversation
Joe: one of the kids that they took in, is a walking skeleton
Joe: can’t get her to eat, some reason don’t do anything but try to reason with her like she’s reasonable, never mind the rest
Ronnie: no shit they dont i was proof of it before you or her
Ronnie: in the same town with the same name she fucking gave me and still out of sight out of mind
Joe: precisely
Joe: so if you’re hoping fucking me up will get her to come about then you shouldn’t bother, honestly
Joe: save yourself that disappointment
Ronnie: it aint about her paying attention
Joe: good
Ronnie: you wanna know me i only want you to know what it feels like
Joe: then let’s do it
Ronnie: nah i was rem to reckon it was worth shit
Ronnie: it aint
Ronnie: you aint
Ronnie: youre never gonna have your head wrecked how mine is and i cant be arsed to put the time in fucking you up in the selfish special way i need when you keep pure loving it like
Joe: is that not indicative of how I’m already quite fucked enough
Joe: just because it’s not abandonment based
Joe: what normal cunt would love any of this, even contact you again after the first
Ronnie: fuck no
Ronnie: youre living your best life and it makes me wanna hang myself
Joe: Christ, you’re up yourself, aren’t you
Ronnie: &
Joe: you want me to roll my sleeves up again and show you the recent damage?
Ronnie: yeah
Joe: [pics]
Ronnie: [obvs gotta send him some back]
Joe: [a straight up new one like just did it]
Ronnie: [ofc she has to also like this is a competition]
Joe: [hope you started small so you have somewhere to go ‘cos the vibe]
Ronnie: [knowing y’all you didn’t but it won’t stop you and I will be forever on edge]
Joe: [so grim, don’t pass out]
Ronnie: [or end up needing stitches]
Joe: [probably do them yourselves, ick]
Joe: do you fucking get it yet
Ronnie: why do you care
Joe: why do you think
Ronnie: i keep telling you i dont
Joe: braindead sounds ideal
Ronnie: horse girl not about to suffocate you
Joe: she would if I let her, like
Joe: 🍈🍈
Ronnie: wait til theres a chance ill choke on my vomit next time christ
Joe: so lay back and I’ll tell you some more
Ronnie: ok go
Joe: [go on about Sophie in a way I shall not even bother but let us assume it is crude and rude af]
Ronnie: [we’re not into poor Soph but they clearly are]
Joe: [just fuck and get it out the way lads, so rude to everyone else rn]
Ronnie: [honestly, but hopefully at this dinner party because Jamie jealousy will be off the charts]
Joe: [Charlie gon have to keep quiet ‘til you home lmao]
Joe: Any luck?
Ronnie: got no pasta shapes in my system have i
Ronnie: but why the fuck are you not lurking to save me
Joe: you want me to swallow the bile for you then, okay
Joe: the last one looked deep
Ronnie: deep enough if you wanna pussy out and spit instead
Joe: I don’t
Joe: where are you
Ronnie: dorothys
Joe: he in?
Joe: if I have to show him it’s brotherly concern you’ll only die quicker
Ronnie: nosey cunt wouldve stopped me
Joe: Yeah
Joe: I can say sorry if you want or I can just come patch you up and not lie first
Ronnie: i dont need your help
Joe: I know
Joe: purely wanna save you for my own complex and to be loving life even harder
Ronnie: wank off about the sos from the other day thats it i cant top you carrying me out til the bleeding stops
Joe: I’m coming over
Joe: you’ve got time to lock the door if you really don’t want me to come in
Joe: can get my own shattered glass without breaking his windows
Ronnie: he must like you to have given you his address
Ronnie: but not enough to overshare the door dont lock cos i broke it 💔
Joe: or am I better stalker than you give credit
Joe: thanks for the tip, baby
Ronnie: youd have been waiting for me to get here not the other way round
Joe: You do want me to read your mind
Joe: maybe a lobotomy will help
Ronnie: hot
Ronnie: reading your mind you want me to pass out before you fuck me but its not that deep
Joe: the wound or the vIbEzzZ
Ronnie: this your coming out cos you sound like charlie
Joe: just trying to turn you off, don’t want blood to gush out
Ronnie: liar youd be made up to see that
Joe: not hiding in the bushes yet
Joe: slow down
Ronnie: youre used to being the big brother i get it
Joe: Something like that
Ronnie: i know how to ride a bike without stabilisers or whatever the fuck
Joe: and tie your shoes
Joe: it’s alright, we’ve established I’m not a paedo
Joe: what can’t you do then
Ronnie: err what a nonce would say
Ronnie: read music we also fucking established
Joe: you teach me how to shoot myself up, I’ll teach you how to
Ronnie: not a fair swap i dont need to learn how
Joe: You don’t wanna be a babysitter either, so you’ve said
Ronnie: you dont like me any more or what
Joe: Of course I do
Joe: You got me my own dealer first
Ronnie: you asked me to 1st
Joe: How did I?
Ronnie: what else is ? for a plug without giving a fuck if ive rattled myself into a ditch
Joe: If I talked to you as much as I felt like
Joe: You’d tell me to fuck off more than you already do
Joe: I’ve got no clue where the line is, how much you want me to care
Ronnie: what line
Ronnie: i dont want you to care
Joe: Tough shit
Joe: I didn’t ask you to get me a dealer
Ronnie: you fucking did
Joe: I just didn’t wanna see you suck dick on my behalf, alright, that’s all
Joe: what you do for yourself is your business
Ronnie: calm down nothing i do is for you
Joe: 👌
Ronnie: dont call her then
Joe: you on commission?
Ronnie: 🖕
Joe: If I do, you’ll still have to see me
Ronnie: youll see me bleed out on the kitchen floor 1st
Joe: You’re a pro, I know you’re being overly-dramatic
Ronnie: at opening as many veins as itll take to not have to see you again yeah
Joe: to make me hurry*
Joe: I’m on the tube
Joe: you have to live in the middle of nowhere
Ronnie: no fixed address i told you
Joe: ❗️
Joe: if there’s a break-up or a thruple, you can have the extra room
Joe: makes sense now
Ronnie: it dont make sense you reckon we can afford any extras however far out
Joe: like you said, she’ll get homesick and chuck it in even if Marc won’t dump his girlfriend
Ronnie: if she does youll be homeless too like unless his missus is gonna cover the costs of the en suite for you
Joe: you can have my room, it’s the smallest
Joe: they can have the en-suite palace and I’ll take theirs, which is not next to the others 👌
Ronnie: not that youve thought loads about it
Joe: if you heard her disney playlist everyday, you’d think about it as well
Ronnie: id think about killing her or myself not a cosy little bed swap
Ronnie: shed never hack living with me nor would you
Joe: well that thought is never far from the front of my mind
Joe: if you need the bed, you know it’s yours
Ronnie: get it through your head i need fuck all from you
Joe: yeah, yeah
Ronnie: theres this way of living when youre not inside your ma in every possible sense course you aint heard about it
Joe: you need to prove you’re self-sufficient ‘cos no one’s ever given a shit about you but Charlie and the other one
Joe: I’m aware you’ve made it to your old age without me, you’re alright
Ronnie: i need to be it the only proofs im not dead yet baby
Ronnie: you need me to be old cos im not in a fucking coma & you cant get it up else
Joe: I’d rather be in the coma myself but you can be too
Joe: not calling dibs
Ronnie: oldest gets 1st dibs
Joe: *until the youngest cries about it so much you get told to give in to shut ‘em up
Ronnie: try me
Joe: you know you can’t hack my crying
Joe: does your head in SO much
Ronnie: save it for when you need lube or horse girl is gonna be coming after you with the leftover glue so you can never fucking leave her
Joe: come at you with the needle and sew us together, babe
Joe: unlucky
Ronnie: more than unlucky if i cant bust a stitch open to be the dead girl you want
Joe: you’re the dead girl I want already come on
Ronnie: til i teach you how to 💉 yourself
Joe: nah
Ronnie: 💘
Joe: looking well deformed these days, my one
Ronnie: could cut it out know youd be made up for the matching needlework
Joe: you play mad professor I’ll play corpse
Ronnie: long as i dont have to play nice
Joe: know what you take me for, actually, but no
Joe: obviously not
Ronnie: cant take you anywhere even if i did wanna
Joe: god imagine the dent in your street cred, sis
Ronnie: if i could cry i obviously would
Joe: repression or fucked tear ducts from all the 😭 you been doing
Ronnie: what im that baby faced youre taking me for a newborn now
Joe: nah, mr i don’t fuck kids here, remember
Joe: plus kids are always calling 999 by mistake and they’d get there before me
Joe: maybe, depends how many people have stabbed other people today
Ronnie: id have got the numbers up but ive been busy like
Joe: gotta make time for you, babes
Joe: it’s called self-care
Ronnie: ask me what with
Ronnie: shittest stalker ever you are
Joe: go on
Joe: school us
Ronnie: cant cry cos when i was linking you with a plug you dont want i was getting myself linked with your meds
Ronnie: best guess as a better stalker than you & less basic white girl than your crazy ex
Joe: 💡 fairplay
Joe: won’t tell you any other side-affects, see if you can guess ‘em right
Ronnie: i wasnt gonna take em but you want me to get you so bad
Joe: yeah misunderstood white boy is selling less these days
Joe: help a brother out
Ronnie: fuck all has happened so i probably cant
Joe: 💔 oh well
Joe: they’re nothing exciting, even though I managed to get the highest dosage they’ll do
Ronnie: maybe mines off for not giving you the benefit of the doubt when i could continue reckoning youre such a pussy
Joe: you’ll forget by tomorrow, no problem
Ronnie: neither brother is gonna let me if they walk in on me microdosing theyll reckon its a getting well party and get the deccies out
Joe: only so many times you can just kidding that ‘fore it gets old
Joe: we’ll go out, when I get there
Ronnie: where you kidnapping me to baby
Joe: I know enough to know it’s all wrong turns and blindfolds, not giving you a map
Ronnie: if its a&e no cunts finding your body even with a map
Joe: piss off
Ronnie: give us a clue
Joe: I’ll mark it with an X if you do me
Ronnie: if you ever fucking get here
Joe: if we were sewn together this wouldn’t be a problem
Ronnie: wanting to look like twins so nobodyll give a shit that you wanna fuck me would be something youd think about on the tube mckenna
Joe: they run in my old man’s DNA so have to look for those bastards instead
Joe: all I know about hers is addiction
Ronnie: course he does fuck alls your own idea
Ronnie: if hes got a sister even a meff nancy drew like youll be able to find bastards they had together
Joe: loads, Catholic, remember
Joe: twins kid is black though so process of elimination
Ronnie: cute how that runs in your family too like
Joe: guess so
Joe: not like it’s that crazy a concept
Ronnie: not like youve ever met an irish catholic who werent a saint yeah
Joe: it’s a fucked place to live
Joe: really third world in that respect
Ronnie: your real da is who you wanna look for if hes got no bastards going about its cos he cant knock anyone up
Joe: that your all men are pigs stance
Joe: alright courtney calm down
Joe: I’m out now anyway, don’t need a real mum or dad to come rescue us from the priests and that
Ronnie: nah its a fact unless his twin kept going up the backstreet or he was only sticking it in her other 2 holes
Joe: they didn’t really grow up together
Joe: he left when he was 15
Joe: maybe she was a late bloomer, happy days
Ronnie: 💔 your ma wasn’t then i wouldnt be here
Joe: no dig about how you’re dying now anyway ‘cos I’m taking so long?
Joe: you must be fading fast and not just being a dramatic bitch
Joe: good thing I’m in [wherever we ended up locating y’all] now
Ronnie: shut up i said its not that deep
Ronnie: youre the dramatic bitch legging it here for a fucking scratch
Joe: you wanted me to
Ronnie: you want to i dont give a shit
Joe: right, that’s what I meant
Ronnie: you can stop with the gay shit i told you hes not here
Joe: gays don’t own sarcasm
Ronnie: they own getting attached to cunts fast who dont care
Joe: awh, you being replaced rn?
Ronnie: horse girl wishes
Joe: Can’t catch a break or a man that one
Ronnie: after a pity fuck with you who knows what shed catch
Joe: you wanna infect her by-proxy, you’re so blatant
Ronnie: i shouldve got you to bring her my bloods everywhere
Joe: adding her puke to the mix would make it interesting, sure
Joe: bet she knows first aid
Ronnie: if youre too pussy to break my ribs yourself get back on the tube
Joe: threaten me with a good time
Ronnie: i just did
Joe: without meaning it, yeah
Ronnie: try and hurt me i mean it
Joe: [why do y’all always set the tension so high lads lmao, we know but]
Ronnie: [me and my boo here like calm down you can’t hook up yet but they are both like !!!!]
Joe: [shouldn’t have let you get on that train sir but you would so]
Ronnie: [I shouldn’t let her open her mouth ever but here we are]
Joe: [forreal lmao]
Ronnie: [gotta draw an x on him in her blood when he shows up before we can do a more permanent one however we are either as a scar or tattoo so soz for increasing the tension even more lol]
Joe: [just got to stare at her for ages and then shove her away very dramatically ‘cos you can’t, head through to whichever room she was bleeding in to assess/gawp at]
Ronnie: [she’s gotta lol like well if that’s the best you can do at trying to hurt me I’m not worried]
Joe: [‘whaddya use?’ and just going through this flat as if you’ve been here before/were invited by anyone but Ronnie vaguely because manners can’t matter when we’ve gone this far already]
Ronnie: ['what, you didn't
touch yourself enough on the tube?' but we are obvs showing him whatever we did use because it's just another way to flirt and we can use it to make that x happen so]
Joe: [shakes head ‘spill too much and they emergency stop’ and a look like do I look like I wanna be on a psychward but in a 😏 don’t answer that way, doing our own tallies with it, of course]
Ronnie: ['we're walking then' like where are you taking me don't get comfy bitch]
Joe: [little disbelieving lol like excuse me princess ‘your carriage was unavailable’
Ronnie: ['no shit the horse is dead busy']
Joe: [‘I ain’t taking you to a stable’]
Ronnie: ['that's where we ain't going, now tell me where the fuck we are' because we're like an excited kid about this]
Joe: [it’s cute and we clearly think so even if we’re distracting ourselves with this self-harm so we don’t go too far, unrelated but I haven’t thought where yous are going lmao but I’m vibing something London but something she wouldn’t have done, something music related, also if it has like, kid vibes, bonus, I’ll have to look so just keeping tight-lipped to be annoying and surveying the bloody carnage he’s now added to ‘you want to clean up?’]
Ronnie: [it'd be cute if there was something like thinktank but for music instead of science but idk if that exists anyways in answer to that question she's just gonna remove her top or whatever like yeah it do have blood on even though we know that's not what he means because we're still in a flirty mood despite how annoying his non reply is]
Joe: [that’s what I’m vibing but likewise have no idea, I’m sure there is shit though and you could find it Joseph, anyway, truly the this is fine meme about that ‘cos you can’t turn away 😳 but also boy don’t, moving like you’re gonna come close to her though]
Ronnie: [soz Charlie cos she shamelessly threw her top on the floor and isn't gonna clean up any of this blood even on herself like I literally should say she goes to the sink and then to get clean clothes but instead we all know she's just gonna take Joe's jacket or whatever and put that on, thank god he's all about the layers]
Joe: [god bless the grunge
aesthetic, ‘do you do it in front of him?’ and touching the cuts that are still showing ‘cos you know there’s some still, and it is like when and where do you do this when you do not have a room lmao]
Ronnie: ['yeah' leaving it up to him whether he wants to think it's in an attention whore way cos we're still annoyed at that call out lol but realistically it's just because of how long they've known each other and how they be living, she's not actively trying to upset Charlie that much most of the time]
Joe: [‘does he do it?’ ‘cos we can’t imagine it from the little we know but also can’t imagine him just chilling if he isn’t as fucked as them]
Ronnie: [the facial expression equivalent of his amused lol earlier because no]
Joe: [dropping it even though you find this odd like don’t worry boy, the tea is he is getting over it and wanting her to stop, pulling the jacket sleeve to take her out the door like come on]
Ronnie: ['he knows what'll happen if he tries to stop me' cos you can't tell me that when they were younger he didn't do exactly that and she went ballistic but more importantly HOW DARE YOU BOO because that is 1000% a Fraze move and I'm dead]
Joe: [yes I thought it was legit for a parallel, enjoy the long trip back to central guys]
Ronnie: [idk how we are gonna stop you hooking up to fill the time other than the other people in close proximity lol]
Joe: [maybe a uni/work obligation can come in and he has to go like legit ‘cos that’d kill this off]
Ronnie: [personally devastated that means an iou for this cute date but I love how fuming she would be at never finding out where they were going]
Ronnie: [not to mention the not at all casual and public domestic they’d have would be such a fat mood and show she cares when she’s literally like umm what the fuck do you mean you’re leaving]
Joe: [love how blatant we both are individually]
Ronnie: [hard same]
Joe: They sprung that rehearsal on us last minute
Joe: I already said, I’d give you the funds and you could go do whatever
Ronnie: and i told you to go fuck yourself
Ronnie: or your cello
Joe: I wouldn’t have wasted my time let alone yours if I knew that was gonna happen
Joe: how would you go about fucking a cello, exactly
Ronnie: waste more of your own time figuring it out its your raging hard on for it
Joe: I can’t not go
Joe: they make you sign a bloodoath when you get in basically
Joe: no excuses
Ronnie: youd have found an excuse fast enough if id stuck a needle in your arm
Joe: no, I wouldn’t, ‘cos it wasn’t an option
Joe: there was already enough damage to hide
Ronnie: i dont give a shit what options youve got
Joe: right, tell it to the crowd that amassed, they might believe you a tiny bit more than I do
Joe: I’ll make it up to you, okay
Ronnie: thats what soft cunts wanna hear when you cant hide no more & since you reckon you wont be getting forced into treatment you get to keep your gob shut for all that being sorry bullshit
Joe: make it into something it ain’t ‘cos you can’t hack hearing it
Ronnie: i dont wanna hear from you end of
Joe: alright
Joe: see you around then
Ronnie: 🖕
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morningpages-louise · 6 years ago
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august 28, 2018
good morning greetings from sunny cebu city it is currently august 28, 2018 at 9:41 am and i have just finished eating my grilled sandwich which serves as my breakfast for the day today i dont have much planned out for me except the reclaiming your center at home retreat hehe i think it will be an in house day for me ( a bit sad,  i hope i dont go cray like i usually do lol i kinda want some milk tea to accompany me, maybe then i wont feel so sad but no i must lose weight today is the very first day of my summer break and working towards mym goals and objectives for the term break. i am feeling slightly on edge at the fact that i am bored i really dont want to slip into a downward spiral or a lonely spiral or a nostalgia spiral where i end up missing the people who left me and are in no way good for me so i have to really watch myself. i have to view it from a different perspective , one of positivity at all the free time i have for reinvention and such idk lol other than that, there's nothing really going on with myself here oh shit the phone just rang and i do not want to pick it up. i become such an introvert when im in cebu, not even me becoming an introvert but whenever i go to my hometown i have no one to see because all my friends are basically in manila na. all my.closest friends are the ones who moved from cebu to manila and currently they are not here the only people that are here are alliyah, but i havent seen her in a while tbh and its weird that i just kinda went up to her and said lets hang lol not that weird but in our context, when we last saw each other, i was a bit pissed at her lol so yeah it might be weird and kirsten but the thing with kirsten is she's like never allowed to go out or its either she doesnt want to go out to start with and i cant really hang out with her because her friends and blockmates will be coming to cebu so theyre gonna have some fun on their own, its ayt tho i might be op or make them uncomfortable if i go lol so nvm but yeah thats whats been eating at me, hopefully the at home retreat can refresh my mind and enlighten it with positive thoughts i swear emotions are slippery slopes talaga. at one point im on an ecstatic high, but that high can quickly downward spiral if not treated right so i just have to be careful.. but yeah these 2 weeks will hopefully be insightful and transformative hehe its actually such a short break but like it feels horribly long when you aint doing shit lol i am not gonna go na talaga home lol after this, im not going home for more than a week. a week is my maximum. sorry, not really sorry. so yeah its been a while since ive morrning pages. the last time i spoke with you, i was talking about kimmy and how cool it was that she was achieving all these things and were basically the same age, actually shes younger than me by like a few weeks. it is motivating me to try harder, be fearless. easier said than done i know but i will get there eventually, we all will. i need to stop comparing myself to others talaga. one of my toxic traits. that and my lack of empathy at times. i wish i could just magically fix myself and treat these things but it is our fault as humans and we are constantly working towards our best selves dba? so yun hehe i dont know what else much to say. i got a full 9 hours of sleep? damn impressive im hoping to fix that fix my eyebags and my skin lol im honestly excited for next term because hello no morning classes i can finally goddamn enjoy my weekends hehe so yun that was my life recap nothing else is really going on with me i hope to accomplish all my goals and objectives im also unnaturally ocd or atleast i think its unnatural lol like yesterday i literally spent 3 papers or wasted them trying to come up with a front page format for my journal the other pages were bothering me cause the lines werent straight or the wording wasnt so i had to use yellow pad to make sure my words were aligned and such cge goodbye my friends and kaibigan see ya soon.
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