#actually blogging???
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Much-belated Xmas/New Year's Chronicle
Very late and very happy New Year to all :). I never actually use this blog for, well, actually blogging, so I thought why not. I can't be bothered to make a separate one, or just keep a diary for that matter, so this is what you get.
Christmas was pretty good. I spent the actual day of it working, but eh what you can do. I listen to other people's woes for a living, and I was completely expecting all of my conversations to be from people who were sad about the holidays. Suicide rates are highest that time of year, after all. Surprisingly, I saw none of that. It was just the usual problems you hear about - relationship/academic/financial struggles mostly. I guess maybe I was projecting my own dissatisfaction with the holidays onto my job haha.
Saw my mom and sisters afterward, I was happy to finally make enough money to get them nice gifts. Though seeing family always makes me a bit uncomfortable. I think my favorite gift this year was the Beerus S.H. Figuarts from my friend :)
For new year's I visited my college town to see my friends for the first time in a while. Being a homebody with a remote job, I usually am just dressed like crap, so it was a nice opportunity to dress up. My hair is severely unmanageable, so allow me some pride and vanity in showing it off.
You should see it in its natural state...Actually, you shouldn't lol. Ignore my flushed complexion - these were taken after a few drinks. I was very happy to see one friend in particular - we'll call her Birdie - she lets me crash on her couch every time I come to visit since graduating. Though I'd much rather sleep in her bed... Unfortunately, I'm too much of a coward to do anything about that. And I feel like I'm deluding myself whenever I get the sense that she feels the same way.
Anyway, it was fun to resume our little traditions. We saw a movie. We went to a bar we both like, I bought her drinks like the Supreme Gentleman I am. We got shots of a particular brand of whiskey like always - it tastes awful but it's just what we do, idk. Oh, my other favorite gift was this necklace she made for me:
ARGHH just look at that attention to detail! It's based off of Sonic - the blue, the little charms she said were supposed to be like Chaos Emeralds. So cute. And the way it can be worn multiple ways!! It's things like this that make me think maybe she reciprocates my feelings (even though she makes jewelry for our other friends as well). She's also kept a few really stupid things I did over time, things I didn't expect she would keep. One time in 2022 I drew a big tittied Sonic on my class notes - it was especially humorous given the subject matter of the notes. And the dumb shit I drew on her whiteboard she has yet to erase - the terrifying Wario and the Big Green Dub version of Turles (quoting the Big Green Dub was an inside joke in our friend group for a while).
Like, one has to wonder, why keep these things? Do you like me or something?? Are you gay, huh? I wish. I don't even have a clue if Birdie is anything at all - I wouldn't be surprised if she were ace or something given she never talks about it, and has never had a significant other, as far as I know.
The day of New Year's Eve, we went out with some other friends/acquaintances. Unfortunately there isn't much for students to do in Athens besides go out to drink. It's just weird reuniting with people from an earlier phase of your life, people who are the same as ever. Catching up, I listened to them talk about their bands, the shows they went to recently, their finals, etc. Things I would've been concerned with a year ago. Now all I do is work. I was touched at how they congratulated me when I told them what I was up to. "Abby and her big girl job", as they said. It's just kind of bittersweet, you know? I'm just a visitor amongst them now.
I fantasized about using the strike of midnight to my advantage with Birdie. About telling her how I felt, or maybe kissing her, idk. But in reality, it took me a certain amount of alcohol to work up the courage to even hug her. I'm such a coward. Anyway, I am definitely not built for college bars anymore, lol. They're always so packed and loud - not to mention my tolerance isn't what it was.
So yeah, that was my holiday time ramble. I know no one read it, but hey it's kind of fun to use your blog as an actual blog! Maybe this is something I'll do every couple months, idk. Though I don't usually have a lot going on tbh.
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sorry i cant hang out i forgot how to mimic human like behaviour
#bpd blog#bpd fp#bpd mood#bpd problems#bpd shit#bpd stuff#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#actually bpd#bpd#borderline pd#borderline things#borderline problems#living with borderline#borderline blog#borderline thoughts#being borderline#borderline culture is#actually borderline#borderline personality disorder#bpd feels#bpd safe#bpd culture is
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yeah, sorry i exhibited symptoms of the disorder i told you i have. it will happen again because i have that disorder and will continue having it. hope this helps!! 🫶🫶🫶
#bpd#actually bpd#actually borderline#bpd vent#bpd safe#bpd thoughts#bpd problems#bpd blog#bpd mood#borderline personality disorder#actually mentally ill#cluster b#i don’t have access to treatment/meds 🫶#cluster a#cluster c#mental health#mental illness#disability
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something incredibly American about an Allied trooper yelling brand names at Soviets until they recognize him as an ally.
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"Are you ok?" I'm actually tired bro. From the bottom of my heart I'm tired
#bpd thoughts#bpd blog#actually bpd#bpd problems#bpd#bpd mood#bpd feels#bpd recovery#bpd meme#actually borderline#bpd stigma#bpd shit#bpd vent#bpd splitting#bpd stuff#bpd fp#borderline thoughts#living with borderline#borderline problems#borderline things#borderline pd#borderline blog#borderline personality disorder#borderline personality problems#life of a borderline#being borderline#bpd struggles#bpd symptoms#bpd triggers
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#when you’re a humanities scholar#and more#like when they ask me what is your blog about#it’s about nothing but it’s actually everything to me#just found this and thought#wow isn’t it still relevant#i can tell you all about bouba and kiki but you’d be surprised to know how much of the generally quotidian stuff i have 0 clue about#10k
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i made tumblr pride flags! feel free to ask for more edits
#transphobia#transmisogyny#PLEASE find this funny i had to download the actual tumblr font for this#its been 6 hours and i havent been nuked yet but for those worried for me im not! i want OFF this hellsite#also i did export my blog#also please send recs on what site i should move to i cant decide
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today on the train home the guy next to me was on his phone and at one point i saw him go on tumblr and he just had like. a normie dash. like it was all photography. of nature and architecture. he was using tumblr the way a heterosexual landscaper for rich people might use instagram. i actually had to watch his screen for a few seconds to be sure it really was tumblr because i was so taken aback by the content he was viewing. this is why algorithmless websites are so beautiful btw because i genuinely didn't know that this side of tumblr even existed. he didn't even so much as scroll past any text posts.
EDIT: look i'm not going to turn off reblogs but i cannot stress enough that THIS WASN'T A HIPSTER BLOG DASH IT WASN'T AN AESTHETIC BLOG DASH IT WAS THE MOST WILDLY GENERIC COLLECTION OF IMAGES YOU HAVE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING OR BEING A QUIRKY FANDOM TUMBLRINA WHEN I SAY "NORMIE" I GENUINELY MEAN "SO NORMAL THAT IT CIRCLES AROUND TO WEIRD". CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME? HELLO?
#steph's post tag#also no more ''um actually there is an algorithm and this is proof'' THERE ISN'T AN ALGORITHM IF YOU DON'T LOOK AT THE FUCKING FOR YOU TAB#LIKE THE DASH IS A CHRONOLOGICAL FEED OF BLOGS YOU ALREADY FOLLOW. I DISCOVER BLOGS ORGANICALLY THROUGH THE ONES I ALREADY FOLLOW.#IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING AN ALGORITHM ON TUMBLR THAT'S A YOU PROBLEM.
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couldnt draw my thang for mid-autumn so treated myself to a calne redesign instead
#calne ca#hatsune miku#VOCALOID#cw: body horror#<- And I Fucking Mean That We Are Not Fucking Around Today#well we are. as in I drew this as a fuckaround treat for myself#but the body horror tag is the most warranted its ever been on this blog#ask to tag#I am as ever on my journey to make calne ca Worse. her OG version is too cool. even the crab ver is too cool#I need her to be worse to look at. I am also getting myself into to mood to test my hand at boarding a pmv for my friend's cover#I think my thought for this was ''I should try and give her a more insectoid bodyplan''#which in this mostly means gently three-part body and six limbs (my favourite amount of limbs to draw rn)#actually almost gave her eight but didnt like how that silhouette came out so I mermaided her uh. abdomen I guess#though maybe next time I do this I should push that idea more. the head and torso are still very distinct for one unified part#I feel like one of my old attempts was onto something with like. a more horizontal body plan... well! live and learn etc#happy late mid autumn I guess. I should play with touys about it... I miss model kits. mayhaps...
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sorry i overreacted i had no idea everything would be fine
#bpd blog#bpd fp#bpd mood#bpd problems#bpd shit#bpd stuff#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#actually bpd#bpd#bpd feels#bpd culture is#bpd safe#living with borderline#being borderline#borderline culture is#actually borderline#borderline things#borderline problems#borderline blog#borderline pd#borderline thoughts#borderline personality disorder#overreacting#anxitey#anxi4ty
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“why are you so upset?” idk man. maybe bc i have i get super upset disorder
#bpd#super upset is such an understatement#actually bpd#actually borderline#bpd safe#bpd vent#bpd thoughts#bpd blog#borderline personality disorder#bpd rage#bpd splitting#actually mentally ill
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"You’re so polite" thanks i was raised in constant fear of upsetting people.
#bpd thoughts#bpd blog#actually bpd#bpd problems#bpd#bpd mood#bpd feels#bpd recovery#bpd meme#bpd stigma#bpd shit#borderline thoughts#bpd fp#bpd vent#bpd relatable
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#Mental Health#Mental Health Crisis#Actual Mental Health#Jonathan Blogs#Posted Without Commentary#Reblog this would you kindly
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Splitting is so frustrating
#bpd meme#borderline problems#borderline blog#borderline personality disorder#bpd#bpd vent#actually bpd#bpd thoughts#bpd safe#actually borderline#mental illness memes#mentally fucked#actually mentally ill
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@staff @support @engineering @music @books
Have you ever considered this is a really stupid layout to have when there’s no way to easily get your account back if you accidentally hit the wrong button???
#med mumbles#im mad actually what kind of UI is this#top post#I guess 😭😭💀💀💀#edit: @ing staff doesn’t actually do that much so try filling out a quick feedback form on their site#also#it doesn’t *ALWAYS* ask you for your password#yes it does in some cases but there are situations where if you link it to your email it doesn’t ask!!!#look through the tags and see how many people have accidentally deleted their blogs before you decide to be a smartass
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