#acknowledging my gender non conformity!!!

[velvetvexations]

watching this "passing" conversation on my dash has me thinking about hannah gadsby, a butch lesbian, who tells a story in her memoir-y standup special nanette about being mistaken for a man (specifically, "a faggot") by a guy threatening her on on the street, and when he realized she wasn't, he changed tack to calling her a "lady faggot", and attacked her anyway.

trans men don't revert back to being cis women in the eyes of transphobes when we don't pass. we become lady-faggots.

i know asking for compassion from TRFs is a waste of time, but at this point i'd take the simple acknowledgement of reality that to transphobes, we're all faggots and lady-faggots. the othering of anyone who doesn't conform to gender standards isn't fucking exclusive to trans women.

this whole conversation is so baffling, because it involves arguing that passing as a women is profoundly, exorbitantly difficult, and simultaneously that anyone afab can effortlessly do so at any time regardless of gender or presentation.

like, fuck's sake, these are the same people who constantly describe us by our height, our voices, our hair, our genitals, whatever feature of gender non-conformity they find most cringe or demonstrative of our moral failing at the time. they fucking know what we (at least, some of us) look like!

and yet. and yet. apparently we're all hypermasculine passing men, or indistinguishable from cis women. the transphobia is fucking galling, particularly coming from people who should by all rights understand the fucking struggle.

It's wild because people will insist trans women are not seen as men because they aren't treated like men, but then turn around and say trans men are treated exactly like cis women. Like, they'll say "I'm not saying trans people AFAB aren't oppressed at all" but they certainly don't believe transphobia against them exists beyond like, being a bit mean by misgendering them, which these radfems are perfectly happy to do themselves like with Thicced-Witch or in more subtle ways like screaming like a toddler to get to use a slur that refers to AGAB.

[cariboll]

So it took me a full day to realize that the cashier at Target yesterday thought that I was a guy. For the record, I'm a grown-ass woman. Who, after ~36 2/3 years on Earth, still gets mistaken as a male person. Apparently.

[radfemsiren]

🤍A basic rundown of my beliefs as a radical feminist 🤍

(I don’t represent every radical feminist, but these are usually the standard opinions you’ll find of many radfems. Hate or disagree with them, that’s fine! But know the truth of who I am and what I stand for beforehand)

- there are 2 sexes, the male sex is oppressing the female sex

- femicide, rape, child sex abuse, hijab laws, female genital mutilation, domestic labor, trafficking, war crimes, revenge porn, prostitution… women and girls around the world are being exploited, tortured, and killed because of this oppression, and it must end.

- female oppression is sex based oppression, meaning a woman can’t just identify out of her oppression (for example hijab laws)

- sex is biological and an immutable truth, gender is a social construct

- gender should be done away with because gender roles are male supremacist and result in women and girls being stereotyped, dehumanized, barred from education, safety, bodily autonomy, etc.

- defining women with anything other than biology is misogynistic and relies on stereotypes

- the biological differences between men and women must be acknowledged in order to effectively end patriarchal oppression

- radical feminism is getting to the root of female oppression (radical -> root)

- misandry is not real and is just an extension of misogyny (for example, “men are told not to cry!” Yes because women are seen as inferior and any trait associated with us is seen as degrading/emasculating for men. This is why there is no female equivalent to emasculation.)

- all current religions are patriarchal and made by men to exploit and control women

- access to abortion is a human right and should never be threatened, women are the creators of life and deserve to gatekeep it, as well as exercise full autonomy over our own bodies

- Using sexist gender roles to define yourself is giving these misogynistic stereotypes power (wearing makeup or dresses doesn’t make anyone less or more of a woman, this is misogyny)

- the beauty industry is patriarchal and exploits women, our bodies and our money

- sex work is not work, it’s always exploitation (consent can not be bought)

- the porn industry is patriarchal and relies on trafficking, coercion, and rape to function. It also conditions its watchers to be aroused by violence against women, and results in more real life consequences for women and girls

- women’s spaces and institutions must be protected. Women’s safety is more important than catering to male feelings

- marriage is a patriarchal institution made to exploit the domestic labor of women for her entire life

- BDSM/kink are patriarchal and only center the pleasure and well being of men.

- hookup culture is patriarchal and the risk to reward is not worth it for women to engage in it

- gender ideology is patriarchal and is a direct hindrance to female liberation (we can’t define ourselves or our oppressors, we can’t create spaces away from our oppressors, we can’t create laws and policy based on these definitions, people who are gender non conforming / have gender dysphoria are pressured to alter their bodies to conform to a rigid standard and become lifelong medical patients, etc)

- choice feminism and liberal feminism caters to conforming to patriarchal standards and institutions, and refuses to examine why women make choices under patriarchy

- women of color face oppression on the axis of our sex and race, men of color only face oppression on the axis of their race

- non white patriarchal institutions must be criticized: a mullah is just as dangerous to the liberation of women as a pastor is

- women should decenter the men in their lives just as men have done with women. That means prioritizing us! Engaging in women’s media, art, stories, fostering female communities and support networks, uplifting and empowering their sisters around the world

- being a radical feminist means consistently taking radical action, big or small, we all can do it! Go support a female artist, go donate menstrual products to a shelter, go tell off a man when you see him making a woman uncomfortable. We all can make a difference!

…My feminism focuses on criticism of Islam and middle eastern patriarchy, but there are radfems with many focuses/passions… some in eco feminism, some on uplifting Romani women, black women, neurodivergent women, women with disabilities, prostituted women… some are passionate about women’s sports, women’s art, women’s writing, women’s history, lesbian and bisexual women’s stories… everyone has their passion on here, so before you come to attack, just check out my blog and click around at the different profiles on this corner of the internet…. maybe we might not be the terrible witches you thought us to be. Or maybe we are, but witches are awesome so who cares lol

[kkoffin]

trans men are men <3

He/him and testosterone won’t save you from misogyny. It doesn’t save anyone from genital mutilation or sex slavery. Child brides or rape. It won’t save you from men’s gaze and comments. It wouldn’t have saved comfort women or witches.

These are issues primarily women face, and women should bind together to fight against them. Have solidarity. A woman can be anything. If you want to play soccer, or have short hair, or even have a flat chest so men won’t look at you the way they do - you can do all of that as a woman.

I identified as a man because I hated being a woman. I hated the way we were treated. In all the media I consumed, women were jokes, sex objects, love interests, and background placeholders. Women were attractive and complacent. I wanted to be funny, respected. I didn’t want to wear makeup and be pink, and be “THE WOMAN!!!”. I wanted to be liked for what I was. It’s not that I wanted to be a man - It’s that I wanted to be a human.

I hated my body, I had eating disorders, and I hurt myself. My femaleness had only led to unnecessary suffering. None of this is inherent to my soul, it was inherent to society.

You are not the problem. Your body is not the problem. Your sex is not the problem. You do not need to change them. The problem is patriarchy. Women need to acknowledge such, bond together, and fight against it. Running away will not change anything.

Be respected as a woman. Be gender non-conforming. Be bold, have interests. Refuse to be treated the way they treat women.

There is nothing wrong with being a woman, in nature. Why do you not want to be a woman, in nature? because the way men treat women? because you feel forced to act feminine? because you want to be more than your sex? none of these have anything to do with your nature as woman or man, and everything to do with society, which we must work to change. Running won’t free you. You’ll run your whole life. Fighting will free if not you, than your daughters.

Gender is not real, sex is. Gender can be abolished. It does not matter. There are no gendered or sexed souls or brains.

[anti-sexist-enban]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a million more times if I have to: feminism should not be women vs. men, but everyone vs. patriarchy.

I’m coming at this from the perspective of a trans guy. I am all too aware that there are absolutely men who are at least as affected by abortion rights issues as women (trans men report higher rates of sexual violence than cis women, unwanted pregnancy can trigger their gender dysphoria, people are disgusted by the idea of pregnant men and it can put them at risk for violence, etc.). Trans rights should not be excluded from feminism, or just tacked on as an afterthought for the illusion of inclusion.

But even outside of that, patriarchy is a system that specifically privileges those it can consider patriarchs. Those most in power in my country are cisgender heterosexual white men who adhere to traditional masculinity and are willing and able to exert power over women, children, and anyone else deemed socially beneath them. The further you get from that ideal, the less power you are granted under patriarchy. This means men that are queer, non-white, feminine/gender non-conforming, disabled, impoverished, and in any way unable to live up to these standards do in fact get punished by this system too.

Support from half the population in the fight against sexism matters. But we need to acknowledge that men are not only ever allies fighting a system that exclusively benefits them. Props to those considered the patriarchal ideal who use their privilege to support the cause. But even that status can be revoked if they do not adhere to the system's strict rules. I want all men right by my side when it comes to dismantling sexism, as it helps people of all genders.

[genderqueerdykes]

your post makes no sense? all of the identities that you named are NOT cis men??? and quite frankly it feels transphobic for you to consider them that

i'm a trans woman so i'm part of the group i'm commenting on. you do realize that a bigender trans woman who identifies as a trans woman and a cis man is still partially a cis man and that's not transphobic and it doesn't invalidate their trans womanhood, right? you do realize that a transfemme cis man is still a cis man and that doesn't invalidate their femmehood, right? you do realize a transfemme genderfluid person who identifies as a cis man is still partially a cis man and it doesn't invalidate their other genders, right? being bigender doesn't completely erase 1/2 of the identity. being a woman doesn't cancel out being a man. are you seriously saying that because that person has a queer identity means that it totally erases the fact that they are literally also identifying in plain english that they are also a cis man?

immersing yourself in the transfeminine community will help with this drastically. i don't know you or your history, but most of my IRL friends are transfeminine, myself included. there are many of my transfem friends who never want to be considered a man, and that's perfectly fine. however, i would say a good 1/3rd of the trans women i've met have also still identified as a cis gay man on some level. without shame, without it taking away their womanhood. existing alongside each other; parallel. if you meet and befriend a good number of transfeminine people you will find out that a lot of transfems identify as cis men and trans women at the same time. that's not new. many trans women identify as cis gay men and trans women at the same time. like, it's an extremely common thing. bigender means having two genders- one is trans woman, the other is cis man for people who identify this way. this person is a trans woman, a cis man, and a bigender person.

this doesn't make that person a bigender person, and a trans woman only. why do you think it's okay to completely erase that person's male identity? why do you think it's okay to completely ignore someone's manhood for the sake of their other identity? cis manhood isn't "icky". it doesn't get cancelled out by queerness. them partially being a cis man does not invalidate their trans womanhood. wake the fuck up, you're being transmisogynstic as hell right now and it's embarrassing.

a question you must ask yourself: why are you insinuating that it is transphobic to refer to someone correctly? my post specifically referred to trans women who also identify as cis men in their own words. why, in your mind, is this a bad thing? you MUST ask yourself why it's "transphobic" to acknowledge these identities and refer to these individuals correctly. you must ask yourself why you're putting your comfort before someone else's representation. there are transfemme cis men. there are transfeminine genderfluid people who identify as cis men when they are men. there are non binary cis men. why do you think that cis men cannot be queer, or trans? why are you assuming that a trans woman being a cis man at the same time is transphobic? why

this reeks of "woman cannot be man at the same time or else woman get cancelled out"

what is confusing about trans women having multiple genders? what's wrong with a bigender, multigender, genderfluid, genderqueer, genderfuck, gender non conforming, and/or intersex trans woman having a male identity that's also cis? what's wrong with that? how does that erase or "conflict" with the rest of their identity in any capacity?

there are bigender trans men who are cis women and trans men at the same time. there are bigender trans women who are cis men and trans women at the time. literally how does that not make sense. please explain to me how it doesn't make sense. every single person who has told me i'm not making sense hasn't told me why. please explain to me why you proudly and loudly saying that bi/multigender trans women don't exist is okay, but me fighting for people to understand that they do is transphobic.

stop virtue signalling and shoot the cop in your mind dead. in your attempt to look like a hero and earn brownie points all you did was show that you literally don't understand multigender, genderqueer, non binary, and other gender vast experiences. trans women won't magically like you more now because you decided to show everyone that you think it's transphobic to call someone who overtly in their own words identifies as a cis man, a cis man.

cis men aren't the devil. calm down and stop freaking the hell out over the fact that you can in fact be a cis man and a trans woman at the same time. the sun will still rise. the world will keep turning. it's not transphobic to refer to someone by the terms they ask you to use. get over yourself on this one, anon. that's your cross to bear: you are the transphobe. do yourself a favor and look into multigenderism before you decide to comment on trans theory again

you thought yourself into a corner and you can't find your way out.

[gengor]

I think my most unpopular takes among people who have a more sympathetic view on Edelgard, but enjoy the blue lions characters, is that I don’t think it’s very likely any of them would defect.

While it might be in some of their best interest to defy the kingdom, the blue lions were specifically written as the characters who are inclined to uphold the system.

I just think that a person who chooses to serve an institution that they know is flawed or is actively hurting them is a very real type of person, and is, in fact, the average person irl. I think I’m gonna start doing breakdowns of all the blue lions one by one to explain what I mean by this. I’m gonna go ahead and start with one of my favorite examples— Ingrid.

Part 1: chivalry

“Knights, I suppose. I do what I can to live like one. And I hope to die like one too…when the time comes.” - one of Ingrid’s expedition quotes

Chivalry and Knighthood are very important themes to the azure moon route. And their politics are woven into the fabric of the monarchy. It’s no mistake that Felix is to Dimitri what Ferdinand is to Edelgard, and Lorenz is to Claude.

But while Felix serves as the oppositional character to chivalry, Ingrid foils this by being an embodiment of it.

Ingrid is a character who is hurt by the system as a woman whose family values her solely for her ability to have a richer man’s child. She understands that her life is made worse by her place as a woman, and although she wants to break free of that, she can’t envision anything that isn’t just subjugating herself to a different set of rules. Ingrid strives to be disposable in a male gender role rather than a female one.

She reveres knighthood and the code of honor in death—which is often propped up as an ideal for non royal men. So while her endings where she conforms to gendered expectations are tragic, I would argue that any ending that sees her knighted is also far from a feminist tale.

And I think what a lot of people miss about this aspiration of hers is how glued it is to her grief for Glenn and the subsequent romanticization of Dimitri.

Ingrid is one of the few characters who cannot engage with criticism of Dimitri’s excessive violence. If you seek her during the exploration time within the heights of Dimitri’s recklessness she will never once acknowledge the sinking ship they are all on. For many characters, it’s common that they only retroactively acknowledge Dimitri’s instability after he apologizes and says he wants to do better. Most of the army will give you some sort of acknowledgment that Dimitri hasn’t been a perfect leader during the “kings triumphant return” chapter.

Yet Ingrid never does.

And while she does argue with Dimitri within their supports, it is only because Dimitri expresses discomfort at the rationale that places him on this pedestal to begin with. It is the only thing he can say that she cannot affirm. And toward the end of the support chain, she’s rationalized his aversion to knight codes to fit a more digestible narrative for herself. If Glenn’s death for Dimitri was the gold standard, then it means Dimitri has to be the perfect heir worth protecting with her life. She *has* to figure out how his disagreements with her can fit neatly into the narrative of Glenn’s heroic death. If she doesn’t do this, she would be forced to grapple with the possibility that someone she cared for died tragically without meaning.

I would argue Ingrid is an unreliable narrator to herself here when she claims she has moved on. If her requirements to process death involve retroactively deeming death to be good, then she is still rationalizing a random tragedy.

And this is something we see her do in her last support with Felix. I think there’s a subtle kind of horror in the conclusion of her Felix supports. She could be very well justified in lashing out at him over his repeated misogyny, but what she sees as the most important issue to correct is his aversion to chivalry.

She positions herself in a way that’s hard to combat because she is simultaneously arguing that she is *not* falling in line with any propaganda while also pushing the idea that Glenn died honorably in a way that’s worth imitating. Instead of framing this as a lesson in obedience to authority, she gives more a ‘friendship is magic’ vibe.

But the thing is, Glenn likely *was* influenced by the culture surrounding chivalry. The only characterization we have of him is that he adhered deeply to the ideals of chivalry (Dimitri claims Glenn and she are ‘very alike’ in that regard and Felix tells us that Glenn used to read him knight tales) Glenn was also child soldier, specified to have been around 15 at the time of his death. The man who raised Glenn will also state outright that he would have held his son responsible had he survived.

And it doesn’t appear to just be an isolated instance with Ingrid and Rodrigue. This kind of rhetoric is very common in the kingdom, popping up within npcs as well.

All that’s to say that Ingrid’s desire to become a knight is steeped in her baggage surrounding Glenn and cannot be copy pasted to another country so easily without breaking her character.

Being a knight under a different banner wouldn’t be the same because Ingrid doesn’t want to do many of the questionable things military personal are ordered to do on a regular basis, in fact she has an active aversion to it.

But she views her inclinations to disobey Faerghus authority as the wrong choice, a weakness she ought to instruct out of herself in order to be an ideal knight.

Part 2: Gender

So I see a some criticisms leveled at Ingrid’s character in relation to Glenn that I want to acknowledge.

I think it’s very fair to criticize the idea that she is defined through her grief for a boy she was in an arranged engagement to. I can see why some would write off her character as being just another misogynistic portrayal of a woman and move on.

But I think what saves this plot line (to me) is the implication that she idealized Glenn as someone she wanted to *be* more than marry. I really appreciate that when asked directly about whether she would have married him, she implied that she wouldn’t have.

I think there’s something to be said about the interpretation that Ingrid is an incredibly repressed sapphic or possible aromantic.

The only man she expresses romantic interest in is Dimitri, which is likely an extension of her reverence for him as a royal ideal, more so than it is a genuine interest in him. To me, her expressed interest in him undermines her claim that she has let go of her past idealization of being his knight. She is still prioritizing him first and foremost before herself, which is the heart of the issue.

I think Ingrid as a person is just very susceptible to the idea that she should fulfill some kind of established roll within the existing system instead of breaking free from all of it. This is why she only sees her life as only having two paths forward— knighthood or motherhood.

And even within the latter, which is more widely understood to be regressive, Ingrid will still make excuses for the people who attempt to reduce her to her ability to bear a nobleman’s child.

There’s a lot to be said about her hesitation to condemn her father for putting her within an arranged marriage. And within Houses, I think her Byleth supports, combined with her paralogue, communicate this well. But I think the most blunt example of this can be found in her Mercedes Hope's support

In response to Mercedes asserting that Ingrid’s family loved her unconditionally Ingrid says, “I wouldn’t go that far.”

I think it’s important to assume Ingrid’s perspective on her family is the most reliable account of them. If she says they didn’t love her. They didn’t love her.

She is a woman enduring objectification at the hands of her father. And even if she herself hesitates to name it as abuse that is textually what this was. Mercedes is projecting her own love for her brother onto these men who she has never met before.

Yet even still, her conclusions within many support chains end with her reaffirming a gendered status quo on herself. The same is true of support chains that end in her performing an expectation of femininity.

Part 3: Xenophobia/Racism

So I think Ingrid's racism is not an isolated, uncomfortable trait of hers. It is an extension of her patriotism.

When Glenn died, racism was just one of the multiple propaganda pieces that Ingrid fed herself to create a more digestible narrative.

Within her Dedue supports Ingrid seems to be grappling with the possibility that she was wrong to buy into this narrative. I think it's notable that the only thing that pushes her to reconsider her bigotry against Dedue is that he shares an unhealthy reverence for Dimitri. And within this flawed start-up, she is still expecting a victim to engage with her in an open discussion on whether or not he is a person.

Ingrid seeks to hold him somewhat responsible for not educating her on racism enough. And yeah, I don't have a lot to say on this, it just sucks.

I don't think Ingrid ever fully moves past this bigotry, which is in part due to the creators not actually knowing what an anti racist narrative would look like.

I've said this before, but it's worth stating here too.

Ingrid is far from the only racist person in Fe3h. Most of the narratives around racism end up with the characters reaffirming racism.

But within Ingrid's case, I think it makes narrative sense that she would still show signs of bigotry. Because within all aspects of her life, she doesn't escape the system.

And I know that within her gender, this is the writers themselves doing misogyny. I don't think they intended Ingrid's arc to be a tragic one. And I wouldn't fault anyone for disregarding the narrative value of this on the basis that it's not meant to be tragic. I've personally just come to love the blue lions as accidental tragedies because, regardless of intent, it just feels real. I think Ingrid is one of the few that I could see potentially realizing the flaw in her thinking someday, but it does her writing a disservice to imply that this could be a quick and seamless transition for her.

[catinafigtree]

Hi, do you have any tips on how to be comfortable being a Muslim while being queer?

I've been trying to do that for a very long time, focusing on my faith in Allah, but it's a bit hard and I always get demotivated randomly :(

Hey! Salam! Sorry for the kind of late response, moving houses has been hectic. This will be a long response (sorry), so I will put it under the cut.

I want to preface this by saying every queer person is different. I don't know the specifics of your identity so I am going to cover both sexual queerness and gender queerness.

My biggest obstacle in nurturing my relationship with Allah was believing that the way I am was haram, and even that I was cursed by Allah. I no longer believe this, but it was a long road.

Sexuality

I don't believe that homosexuality is haram. The common claim that the story of Lut is about homosexuality is full of holes and inconsistencies and it's largely based on the Christian religious tradition, even if the grammar of the Qur'an doesn't align with the Christian tradition (eg. the Qur'an uses the word "banaat" for Prophet Lut's (as) daughters. Bannat is plural, meaning 3 or more daughters, and in the traditional telling Lut (as) has 2 daughters).

Here is a really good study by Nahida Nisa:

I recommend reading all of Nahida's things because she's an amazing writer.

And a video from Dr. Shehnaz Haqaani's (PhD, Islamic Studies) podcast "What The Patriarchy":

and you can find her blog here

These articles from the blog, Lamp of Islam are also pretty good. He is a hardcore Qur'anist with some strange opinions, so peruse his blog with caution.

Letting go of the belief that the way I am was haram and that Allah had cursed me was the most critical part of fixing my iman and overall nurturing my relationship with Allah.

Also, it doesn't make any sense that The All-Merciful, Allah would make someone with an innate attraction to the same gender and then forbid them from "acting on it".

The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa salam) never punished anyone for homosexuality, after his death, his companions debated whether or not to punish homosexuals and they could not come to a conclusion.

Gender

The Qur'an seems to acknowledge the differences between sex and gender. For example, the word for 'man' in the Qur'an is rijal and the word for 'male' is dhukran. And the word for 'woman' is nisa, but the word for 'female' is untsa. You can read Lamp of Islam's article on the meanings of these words here.

There also may be a vague reference to intersex and/or gender non-conforming people in verse 42:50.

There are also some hadith that seem to imply that gender non-conforming people were accepted around Prophet Muhammad (salla Allahu alayhi wa salam). Prophet Muhammad's (Salla Allahu alayhi wa salam) wife Umm Salama (Radi Allahu anha) had a seemingly close friend who was then called a 'mukhanath', named Hit, who was described as a 'male who exhibited effeminate traits' was was welcome into the private women's section of the Prophet's (Salla Allahu alayhi wa salam) home. Today this person might have been a gay man (who displayed effeminate traits by accepting the "woman's role" (🙄) in relationships), or, more likely IMO, this person would be considered a trans woman today.

Hit was punished by the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa salam), but not for their sexuality/gender expression, they were punished for describing a woman's body to a man, which was possible because they were allowed into both men's and women's spaces. The punishment of Hit is often used as 'evidence' to support homophobia and transphobia, but they neglect to mention the specific reason that Hit was punished.

You can read more about queerness in Islamic history here.

The link above takes you to Muslims For Progressive Values, they also offer marriage services for queer Muslims and interfaith couples, specifically for Muslim women seeking to marry non-Muslim men.

Here is a link to MPV's video series, but massive trigger warning for the comment section.

And a second MPV video series.

And another article from MPV.

More Tips

As I said, learning about LGBTQ Islamic History helped me a lot.

Keep your relationship with Allah between you and Him. Only share it with people who you 100% trust, because religion is extremely personal.

Find your people. Whether online or in-person, a community of people like you is important.

Know that Allah knows you, your identity, and the way you feel. Ultimately, Allah is your creator and we will only return to him. And we, as queer people KNOW that this is the way we were created. Nobody can tell you that who you are is false because they have no way to know that.

Block. Block. Block. Block. Block anyone who is being a problem, who might become a problem in the future. Block them all. Block Islamophobic queers, block queerphobic Muslims. Protect your peace and your relationship with Allah at all costs.

Here are people that I block quickly: anyone who has outwardly queerphobic or Islamophobic things posted on their page. Salafis and Wahabis. The black flag freaks: those with black flags in their user names/bios. I block people for the comments they leave all the time. Generally, I don't wait for them to do something, I block them on sight.

You mentioned that you struggle with low imaan sometimes. It's important to know that fluctuations of imaan are normal and completely natural. But I'm assuming since you've sent this ask, you always come back, which is what's important.

Here is another video from Dr. Shehnaz Haqaani's (PhD Islamic Studies) Podcast for Muslims who struggle to practice.

And a TikTok from @/soundous.boualam:

My biggest tip for building faith is to start slow.

Pray one prayer a day at first, and wait until that prayer is deeply ingrained into your habits, then add another. I recommend starting with Isha before bed. Don't try to do everything at once. You'll burn yourself out.

Build up the fard actions. Your prayers, primarily.

If you can take on more, add in the dhikr after prayer (subhanallah 33x, alhamdullilah 33x, and allahu akbar 34x). Or add dhikr in throughout your day. I use an app called Azkar that I set to send notifications to remind me to do various worship activities.

When I braid my hair I say alhamdullilah every time I cross a piece over another.

If you can, it might also help to put a poster or picture on your wall with your favorite Qur'an verse, hadith, or Islamic quote on your wall, or make your screensaver a reminder to remember Allah.

You can also buy or make a beaded tasbih bracelet, sometimes having something on your wrist can make it easier to remember.

I also like to spend 20-30 minutes every morning after Fajr to just spend time with Allah, talk to Him, and read the Qur'an.

But also remember that you don't only get rewarded for outright acts of worship. You get rewarded for caring for your body, taking a nap when you're tired, eating food, drinking water, caring for pets, and spending time with family. All of that stuff is worship.

Be easy with yourself. Allah does not want hardship for you (2:185).

And I'll leave you with a Qur'an verse.

It was We Who created man, and We know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him that [his] jugular vein. (50:16)

I hope this helps you some. I love you. Allah loves you. May Allah bless you with peace, imaan, and His abundant guidance and mercy, Allahumma Ameen.

You can ask questions in the comments or in asks if you want.

[margeryofkelp]

Socialization has outliers it's literally theory if you claim 100% coverage you're lying. Plus factually trans folks are the highest population of open outliers. You can hate it all you want but if Gender critical socialization theory holds, there wouldn't be trans folks, nor would anyone oppose gender roles and stereotypes. This is really basic stuff, so yeah you're just an invested bigot.

I would say that trans people exist in the sense that there are those with sex based dysphoria who are incredibly uncomfortable with their bodies and seek treatment for that in various ways, one of which is surgery and hormones. Unfortunately due to the patriarchy people have either observed this phenomenon and think their lack of identifying with made up gender stereotypes means they’re trans and also need this treatment, or pretend to have the mental illness of sex dysphoria in order to fulfil other perversions.

So in a society without socialisation yes there would probably be a small number of ‘trans’ people who suffer with dysphoria, but not nearly the amount that claim it today. People wouldn’t have to label themselves as trans in order to be gender non conforming, because the arbitrary rules of gender wouldn’t exist.

Sure there are outliers to socialisation but by and large males are raised under the patriarchy to be more aggressive, confidant, entitled, and dominant, whereas females are by and large raised by the world around them to be submissive. This is what socialisation theory refers to. Even a confident woman still often wears makeup and performs more housework because of socialisation. Even a kind man can be inadvertently entitled due to socialisation. Socialisation and patriarchy go hand in hand; you can’t acknowledge the existence of patriarchy without acknowledging it requires a fundamental implementation based on immutable characteristics. Otherwise you’re saying women naturally are submissive and should be treated as inferior.

If believing that trans women retain character traits from being raised male makes me a bigot then I really question what a bigot is at this point. I care deeply about the safety of all female people. Males wearing dresses and choosing to subvert masculinity doesn’t threaten me at all as long as it’s genuine and not mean spirited, but the belief that this makes these males the same as me and entitles them to my sex’s private and personal space (which are private for a reason) is where I have an issue.

In an ideal world where ‘gender’ wasn’t a thing we could all be equals and shower in a big mixed sex bathroom together. But as long as males commit more rapes and more violence I’m going to keep being a bigot, thanks.

[genderkoolaid]

also i’m sorry if my language about sex offended you, but i’m presenting to you the way patriarchy views trans people, which is (mostly) as their assigned sex. i’m not advocating for trans men are women, i’m saying that for a lot of them (especially closeted and non-transitioned ones), the patriarchy conceptualizes them and treats them as such. can we stop claiming that people are transphobic/intersexist because they recognize the patriarchy (forcibly) categorizes people? if the patriarchy and its system didn’t impose gender and a binary sex, those types of discrimination wouldn’t exist.

bzzzzzzz wrong. the way the patriarchy views trans people cannot be summed up as "they are their assigned sex." transphobia & intersexism involves being seen as in-between male and female and thus having the negative aspects of both gender stereotypes. additionally it's interesting to me that you are focusing on trans men while not discussing how you view trans women. you claim to not be transphobic, but your use of "females" and the idea that trans people are generally viewed as their assigned sex makes me suspicious that you may, in fact, be just trying to appeal to me as a transmasc.

it is both true that the patriarchy demands conformity to a sex and gender binary, and that it's operations cannot be solely binary because of the existence of trans, intersex, and other queer people who exist in spite of the binary. which is why cissexist feminism can never offer much but lukewarm acknowledge to trans people. and truly understanding transphobia against trans people requires understanding the mechanisms of how maleness & masculinity can be selectively weaponized against people as part of patriarchal oppression. also sex work is work 👍

[nothorses]

#idk i have thoughts about the 'binar v. nonbinary' distinction. i think there is a reason#that trans people get degendered when they use binary pronouns#AND wrongly gendered when they use use gender neutral pronouns#for example

i'm intrigued by these thoughts would you like to share more about these thoughts

I think I'd boil it down to like... specifically the idea of "binary trans" people as a class.

I very firmly believe that the oppression of nonbinary people ("exorsexism") exists and is a real form of oppression, and I believe that experiences with it- and the ideological foundation it rests on- are unique and worth discussing. I think nonbinary people have unique experiences with oppression that are necessary to listen to and understand, and that it is to everyone's benefit to include in those perspectives in larger conversations around trans justice.

I specifically take issue with the idea that there is a group of people that can easily & universally be differentiated as "binary trans" in anything but how those people personally identify.

I think that, socio-politically speaking, the only people that are truly classed as "binary" are 100% gender-conforming dyadic cis people. When we're talking about transphobia as a concept, we're talking about a system of oppression meant to punish people who stray from the gender binary. Historically, anyone punished under this system was included under the "trans" umbrella: gender-non conforming cis people, drag kings and queens, nonbinary people, intersex people, you name it. We are all gender outlaws; we all exist outside traditional understandings of gender, and we are all punished for doing so.

Now, we can narrow the scope quite a bit; I do still have the ability to "pass" as my gender, which is not an option to a lot of nonbinary folks. I can get a gender marker that accurately reflects my gender, and I can go "stealth" in a way that doesn't cause me a lot of dysphoria. I absolutely acknowledge that there are experiences I do not have, and oppression I do not face, and I should take care to listen to the people who do face them.

The problem for me here is that like, none of those things are exclusively "binary trans" experiences either. Plenty of nonbinary people are not strictly outside of every binary gender, or outside of comfort with a binary gender presentation. Such is the enormous multitude of nonbinary identities, and the unknowable vastness of human experience.

The other, perhaps larger problem for me is that I also do not strictly have a "binary trans male" experience. I mean, least of all because I have still at this point spent more of my life identifying as nonbinary than I have as a trans man- but also because I'm still trans. In a lot of ways, I'm not actually viewed as "binary"; I am clock-able enough that I'm pretty regularly degendered by even incredibly well-intentioned cis people, for example. My grandma is confused about my gay relationship; she very much does not think it is gay or straight. Anyone who knows I'm a trans man does not think of me as a woman or a man; they think of me as something entirely outside of the binary, and they treat me accordingly.

To go back to the tag you're quoting: I think binary trans people using binary pronouns are degendered for the exact same reason that nonbinary using gender-neutral pronouns are misgendered. People don't want to recognize us as the genders we are. They don't want to validate an experience of gender that lies outside their tidy little gender binary.

Again: this doesn't mean that exorsexism isn't real, or even that "there is no such thing as a binary trans woman/man". That's not what I'm saying. I want to keep having discussions about the unique experiences nonbinary people have, and the unique ways in which transphobic society treats and targets them, and the unique oppression they suffer, and why, and how we can fight that.

I also don't think I'm the first person by far to point out that maybe the idea of The Binary Trans Experience should be problematized a little bit, and I think there's something to be said for the funky space that "binary trans people" occupy on the good-little-gender-conforming-cis-person to nonbinary continuum.

[autumn-foxfire]

IT'S TIME! FIST OF BLUE SAPPHIRE! THE NUMBER ONE KAISHIN MOVIE!

How interesting though, that this movie is set after Ran and Shinichi are officially dating but they went for KaiShin instead with ShinRan sprinkled in from time to time. I guess they were like "you had your cheek kiss, let the gays have something" and we appreciate them for doing so!

And that card is how poor Kaito is dragged into this sinster plot T-T

I appreciate the movie actually understanding Ai's character better than Gosho does. This should have been her response when Shinichi had pestered her for the antidote for the school trip.

I still don't know why Yuusaku hasn't used his "many" connections to help his son get a passport but Kaito's solution worked too. And is a lot gayer.

Kaito really likes to dress up as cute girls XD We stan a gender non-conforming thief.

We don't acknowledge enough how gay Kaito's "I've been waiting a long time for you," is. We know honey. The boy still believes that he's straight but he'll get there.

Did Kaito strip Shinichi to put all that tan on him? I just need to know. Because that is also very gay of him (also creepy but he was only did it because he needed Shinichi's help and he knows that Conan can't be in Singapore so he's just being a good future husband protecting his identity).

Shinichi always sees Kaito as so handsome.

The second best part of this movie beside the Kaishin? We get really cute Makosono.

It's funny that Sonoko says "they have good vibes between them" but we know that Ran is already aware that this is Kaito and she's acting to catch him off guard. She's a better actor than Shinichi and now I believe that she's always acting when it comes to Shinichi.

Kaito and Shinichi are already being gay with one another. Come on guys, get a room. Shinichi has just been kidnapped and he does not give a shit because it was his husband that did so.

Agasa totally made that suitcase. Jii definitely had him make it. What I'm saying is that Agasa is a bro and wanted Shinichi to have a date with his boyfriend.

Shinichi and his love for Sherlock Holmes T-T

Ran is very pretty in this dress by the way. It's a shame that her wife isn't here. My only complaint about this movie is that there is no Sera even though she definitely should have been.

This movie shows us why KaiShin are such a great couple with one another. There's no tension between them, they're always on the same wavelength and it's amazing.

Makoto showing us why he's an amazing boyfriend and why he and Sonoko are so great together!

Sonoko is very gorgeous in this movie.

I love how he panics. When Shinichi panics he drops all pretense but with Kaito, he keeps his grin on his face, probably because of how he's trained his poker face but all it does is make him look manic XD

Kaito's love for sweets is being seen too T-T

Sonoko is the most supportive girlfriend.

It can't be a double date Sonoko with Ran, Ran's wife isn't here sadly. But you can have a double date with KaiShin.

Ran: This is definitely not Shinichi. He is not a smooth talker at all. And he would not interact with my dad that way.

This movie actually also shows us Ran's intelligence, though it's only revealed at the end. What I'm going with this is that SHE. SHOULD. KNOW.

One complaint, again. But how come Makoto gets to have muscles. It's not very apparent but they're there. Ran should get them too.

We love a self-confident Kaito. And Shinichi being exasperated at his husband for being so.

The jealousy Makoto has towards KID is actually one of the few in the series that I don't mind because Sonoko is very open about how she is attracted to KID (though she has assured Makoto her heart is his and even here she makes sure he knows that).

You know Leon saying Kaito's hands belong to that of a magician is also something Ran uses as confirmation that this isn't Shinichi.

You know Kaito is annoyed because it's Shinichi that deserves all the praise that Kogoro gets.

We know that Ran knows this is Kaito, so I'm willing to be she also knows that Arthur is actually Conan and that's why she's okay with this small child who is all alone following them around. Let her be the intelligent women that she is.

Kaito, my smart boy.

AND HIS FIRST HEIST STARTS.

HE'S SO ACROBATIC. HE'S INCREDIBLE. Although, it's because he's so acrobatic that I find it hard to believe his hands are "supple" like it's said. Gymnasts are prone to calluses on their hands due to it. I guess the excuse is that Kaito wears gloves, but that doesn't actually stop them from forming.

MY POOR BABY GOT TASED. AND THEN ALMOST DROWNED. This is the Kaito goes through it movie.

Leon: I am one step ahead.

Shinichi: Hold my beer.

KAITO JUST SHOOTING THE GUY WHO GETS IN THE WAY IS SO FUNNY. He knows who the danger is.

Kaito your adrenaline junkie is showing.

He's so goddamn pleased that Shinichi helped him.

Shinichi: Got to save my idiot husband.

He looks so good in this movie.

And Shinichi just casually waiting for his husband to pick him up is so goddamn cute of him T-T THIS MOVIE IS SO GOOD T-T

They're so adorable, flying over the city while discussing a case. It shows how much trust they have in each other.

And there's the obligatory Shinichi and Ran. I can't even be made about it because I'm being fed so well.

Shinichi is so flustered that Kaito is actually interested in why he chose his name. He's not used to it.

AND HE'S SO CONCERNED FOR KAITO.

Someone pointed out that Kaito doesn't hold his hand over his heart, he usually holds it more to the left. So there is a reason he does so for Shinichi and that reason is gay, gay, homosexual gay.

Lol I just noticed he stole Shinichi's shoes and put him in sandles.

And the acting award goes to Ran! She's doing all of this just to catch out KID and we love her for it!

In fact, she knowing that this is Kaito but chosing not revealing that it is actually gives support that she to my idea that she knows Arthur is Conan and that there must be some way he brought Conan here that was illegal so the only way he can actually get him back home is to let Kaito be arrested in Japan. In this essay I will-

ANOTHER GREAT THING ABOUT THIS MOVIE. Ran is showing off how much she enjoys martial arts too.

The distance Ran put between herself and Kaito is so interesting (and Sonoko doesn't even notice, suggesting she'd do the same for the actual Shinichi).

I'm assuming that Kaito raided Shinichi's wardrobe because Shinichi likes pink shirts with white. He wore it in London and now Kaito is wearing pink and white in Singapore.

I love Kaito's disgrunted look in the background when Kogoro says he won't get the belt. Those are fighting words.

Awww, Shinichi looking back at Kaito was adorable. He's curious but also concerned about his husband as he knows he's being led into traps.

MAKOTO T-T DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.

TIME FOR CUTE MAKOSONO. And Ran is a bro letting Sonoko have some alone time with Makoto, using Kaito as an excuse (she also wants to investigate).

We love Ran.

KAITO OUR GENDER NON-CONFORMING QUEEN. I love how he flirts with the inspector to return his phone too. My queer king. (Yes he is a king and a queen).

Kaito, did you really need to drop your skirt first? Or have you always wanted to do that.

I like to believe that Kaito only noticed the letters because he's learnt a lot from his detective boyfriend.

ALSO ANOTHER THING A PERSON NOTICED THAT WASN'T ME. This time around, Kaito included a propellor on his handglider. There was another Kaishin movie where his detective boyfriend complained about having to land and Kaito telling him they had no choice as it's not like he has a propellor on his glider. Me thinks, he doth use one now due to that.

MY DEAR KAITO

This is why we don't like police. They shoot indiscriminately.

What's with this face Shinichi. Disappointed? Or concerned? Both. He can't have his husband framed.

Nah, definitely concerned.

MY POOR BABY.

I adore the way Sonoko looks at Makoto.

She adores him so much.

And Makoto adores her and just wants to do everything in his power to keep her safe T-T Him catching the knife between his fingers was so cool of him.

SONOKO.

She's going through it too. She and KID can bond over their suffering.

KAITO THE JANITOR T-T Keeping up the act even though he's been injured himself and is in pain.

MY POOR BABY CAN'T EVEN GET PROPER TREATMENT. SHINICHI GO BANDAGE UP YOUR BOYFRIEND.

He's so calm about Shinichi seeing him as his true self too.

Hehe, half naked.

NO ONE SPEAKS ABOUT HOW GREAT THIS MOMENT IS. KAITO GIVES EVERYTHING BACK TO SHINICHI, ASKING FOR HIS FULL SUPPORT TO SOLVE THE MURDER BECAUSE THATS HOW MUCH HE TRUSTS HIM. AND SHINICHI DOES SO. HE DOES WHAT KAITO ASKS.

Shinichi does not need a room with two beds. So, what I'm saying is that they shared a bed. And Shinichi is the blanket hog while Kaito sleeps with barely any and snores. Actually, with how wrapped up Shinichi is and how there is so little on Kaito but the bedding is going in the direction of Shinichi, I think we can confirm this is a double bed they are sharing, as well as a blanket. Noting this down.

OOF. He just lets Rishi fall to the hard floor. Shinichi you are a cruel man but I can excuse you because you want to solve this case before your husband is hurt any more.

MAKOTO AND SONOKO ARE SO CUTE IN THIS MOVIE.

We don't get to see Sonoko and Makoto as casual as they're being so it's nice to see them interact.

TIME FOR KAITO'S COMEBACK.

Awwww, this isn't what Sonoko wants Makoto T-T She wants you to be at your happiest and she knows that is fighting against those who are strong. She doesn't want to be a burden to you.

ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT SONOKO'S RESPONSE TO FEELING LIED TO! IT'S WHAT WE'VE WANTED WITH RAN AND MORE. SHE IS UPSET MAKOTO ISN'T BEING HONEST WITH HER AND WON'T LET HIM TRY AND LIE TO HER. QUEEN BEHAVIOUR.

I know what you are Kaito.

RAN JUST DOESN'T CARE SHINICHI IS SCREAMING. She totally knows that Conan is Arthur (and that Shinichi is Conan) and is letting him tell of his boyfriend.

Kaito gets Shinichi down to a tee, even to how he abandons Ran T-T

TIME FOR SHINICHI AND KAITO TO BE GAY MASTERMINDS WHO SOLVE THE CASE TOGETHER. The gay part is very important to it.

Look at these babies being dramatic together as they sum up the case so far to try and solve it.

This is how playful teasing is done by the way. Neither of them think less of the other so the teasing is just that, something that neither of them mean. This can't be done between Ran and Shinichi because we know he actually views her that way.

KAITO BOUGHT SHINICHI A SNACK AND IT'S SO CUTE. HE'S NOT EVEN BOTHERED BY HIM REVEALING THE TRICK, JUST CURIOUS HOW HE KNEW IT WAS COCONUT WATER.

I love Kaito using casual magic tricks with Shinichi too. It's just so cute and so Kaito.

Shinichi: Haibara, can you figure out who this is? KID took it

Ai: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WITH KID?!

Shinichi: ...I'll explain later

Ai, already used to Shinichi at this point: Fine, don't be stupid.

It's kind of funny that Leon says he'll build a new city and he's not wrong because Shinichi and Kaito do blow it up for him.

Kogoro: Did I just get mugged?

LMAO Ai knows Shinichi so goddamn well. It's why they make great partners.

Kaito is having fun playing detective, isn't he.

Shinichi: My idiot husband fell right into the trap

Kaito: As if you haven't fallen for things like this too

And Rishi fell into Shinichi's trap.

Poor Sonokoa and Makoto.

LOL Kaito be careful of your detective. You don't want him falling off your shoulders.

SHINICHI AND KAITO DOUBLE TEAM.

LMAO Shinichi shading both Rishi and Leon. He's the king at making you feel stupid XD

Kaito: Actually the detective is closer than you think.

TIME FOR THE CLIMAX.

MAKOTO T-T He'll protect Sonoko with his life.

RAN. YES. SHE GETS TO BE INCREDIBLE. ANOTHER SCORE FOR THIS MOVIE.

And it's Shinichi who gets to be the damsel in distress who is saved by his man T-T As we love!

AND IT'S TIME FOR SHINICHI'S BEST PLAN TO DATE. HE ASKS KAITO TO HELP HIM BLOW UP A HOTEL.

I WANT TO SPEAK ABOUT HOW KAITO IS CARRING AROUND AND PROTECTING HIS LOVE WHILE MAKOTO IS DOING THE SAME. CAN I?

Kaito is one hell of a shot. And he has no ascended to the god of fighting as that was said to be the only thing to make the bracelet fall off.

Obligatory Shinichi saving Ran where it wasn't really needed but I'll allow it because we've been fed so much AND-

She gets the last move. So it's okay.

And Kaito can't forget his purpose. He is a jewel thief after all. And it makes a good reason to get people to shoot at him.

Kaito loves to make people bungee jump. He has to make them into extreme sport lovers too.

Oooh. What do you do two do in the bedroom. Makoto is very good at tying knots I see.

TIME FOR THIS SHIP TO MOVE. Kaito and Shinichi are so insane for this.

Makoto fighting with Sonoko on his back is also insane.

I JUST REALISED HE WAS HOLDING HER HAND! I ADORE THEM.

Sorry, that's just really funny.

Shinichi and Kaito did this. I fucking love them.

And Kaito has fun having the last word. King.

Sonoko has a fringe? I just thought it was as long as her bangs.

ADORABLE!

Shinichi got to say the line. Can't have a movie without it.

RAN IS THE MVP OF THIS MOVIE AND THIS IS WHY. SHE IS AN AMAZING ACTRESS AND PUTS SHINICHI TO SHAME.

What a warm welcome home for Kaito.

Again, it's not cute for Shinichi to insult Ran because he means it. Also she doesn't KNOW YOU FUCKING ASS.

Well. We'll ignore that last moment.

[our-honeybee-transfem-experience]

Folks are not normal enough about folks who reject their AGAB, even if it's for personal, deep reasons. I hate how it's normalized to dictate someone else's identity in modern queer spaces.

Someone who says they're AMAB but transmasc sounds pretty freaking queer to me. I'm not going to question them because they have an experience I can't comprehend. It's not fair to them to have to explain themselves, and not be allowed to simply just be.

Someone rejecting their AGAB should not be as controversial as it is. Someone could have trauma relating to their AGAB, therefore reject it. Someone could simply not like being seen as their AGAB, so reject it entirely. Someone can validly choose to reject their AGAB for the sake of being 'reborn' in their new identity. Nothing wrong with that.

It feels weird to see folks say, "Um. You have to actually acknowledge that you were assigned a male, and that it'll forever be that way because you can't change your assigned gender at birth.", or say something like "You can only be AMAB or AFAB, you can't change what gender you were born into." to trans people. Not to mention how intersexist that can be. Like, how is this even a commonplace thing I hear as an argument against AGAB non-conforming folks???

Or someone telling me I'm cis for identifying as transfem, despite being AFAB. That infuriates me. I am NOT cis. I don't feel cis in any way. I don't feel comfortable with my AGAB. It's just transphobia whenever someone tells me this at this point. I AM transfem. My genders aren't all completely/traditionally female, therefore I identify as transfem. It's that simple. And the stupid "Cis isn't an identity, it's a fact and something you can't change." I beg of them to understand that some folks that would count as trans consider themselves cis. I beg of them to understand that some folks are cis and trans at the same time. I beg of them to understand that gender is messy, and minimizing the vast experience of gender down to AGAB is violently wrong.

Sure, I acknowledge I will not ever have the same experience as an AMAB transfem, but that doesn't make me any less transfem. Ever. I am still transfem, regardless of my AGAB. I. AM. Transfem. Proudly, and truly.

.

[icarus-phaethon]

So umm geniune question because its been kinda straying me a bit from the radfem community

Do you support female abusers? (Women who abuse their partners,children,ect,ect) because ive seen some radfems on here defend them because "patriarchy caused them to do that" or because it's revenge for the years of abuse men have put onto us. I was bullied in school and sa'ed by my mom so id like to know what the general belief on female violence is before getting back into it. Thanks ♡

I don't support them. And women are allowed to be imperfect. It is part of destroying the halo misogyny. That results in punishing women worse. There's a complex dynamic at play where patriarchal and sexist beliefs both idealize and oppress women. The notion that women are inherently pure or incapable of wrongdoing ties into traditional gender roles, which cast women as nurturing and passive. While this may seem to elevate women, it paradoxically punishes them more harshly for any perceived deviation from this ideal. Feminists have criticized this "angelic" stereotype as another form of control, arguing that it reinforces the idea that women must conform to societal expectations of purity. This halo effect tho also intersects with the reluctance to acknowledge female violence on females, males, and kids. Since society often views women as non-threatening or incapable of violence, victims can be dismissed or not taken seriously, reinforcing harmful stereotypes and harming feminism as a movement. If we are not just in our cause, we give others a case against it.

[celtrist]

Well, the thought process went like this:

Man, Vaggie would have had greater success getting Alastor into feminine clothes if she used stuff that fit his style/era -> She can't do that though cause obsession is fuelling her distrust with Alastor, she is fixated on him but she doesn't see him as his own person, only as target of her dislike and desires -> Other characters too would have had greater success in getting close to Alastor if they get to actually know him and his preferences and boundaries and worked together with those boundaries -> Do other characters even see him as him and not some simulacrum of their preconceived ideas of him? -> Isn't that one of the main traits of tragedy that characters are doomed to their fate because their fatal flaws make them blind of the roads that do not lead to that one particular cliff? -> obsession au is a tragedy

In a way I did kinda meant Alastor being somewhat fine with feminine clothes (though mostly with the more androgynous type of feminine clothes, which would likely be form flattering pants and fancy shirts), though for main reason that I have a headcanon that Alastor is somewhat gender non-conforming. It stems from his haircut being a bob (which in 1920s was seen as masculine type of a feminine haircut, so Alastor wearing it would have had layers of confusing connotations). It's one detail that might have just been unintentional, but it fuelled this headcanon for literal years

- tragedy anon (might as well start to sign those asks cause I sent a lot of them and now am very invested in the au)

HOLY CRAP you had such a deep thought process with it, I love it! Again, I never really labeled the AU as a tragedy, but seeing your thought process to get to that conclusion cements it more into that's what it is. Many of the characters honestly don't see Alastor for who he is for the most part but as a "simulacrum" as you put it. There are traits of his that get through of course, but everyone does view Alastor as their ideal partner pretty much, even if it means erasing his actual identity to an extent!

It is funny you bring up the bobcut like that though, because I actually posted my own little idea about it a while back. Just to quickly phrase it here, I surmised that Alastor's bobcut was something he did when he got to Hell to A) show his respect towards women B) Potentially keep a link or reminder to his mother if she had a bobcut

And while you could argue not a canon source, we have seen Alastor's human form and there, he lacked a bobcut! (and also had a pair of glasses. I guess one eye got better vision when he got to Hell???). The design was made during a live stream but has been used ever since when depicting a human Alastor! Granted, so did Husk, and let's just say Husk's human form does NOT match his canon voice. So Alastor's human form may have had a bobcut, I just kinda doubt it. Especially with how taken the fandom is with Alastor's human design, and Viv doesn't seem like the type to go against it because of that.

I don't think anything deep was in mind though when Alastor was designed. If that was the case, I feel like Viv would've actually put his hair into a 20s/30s creole hairstyle rather than the bobcut. It was more than likely she just happened to like how the bobcut looked and it also covered the side of Alastor's head without the lack of anything on the sides looking too noticeable/distracting. Again, I like Alastor's design (clearly, I keep drawing it), but I don't think as much thought really went into it as it should have.

These two asks (one of which has a special guest star Edna Mode) has me going into a lot of bits about how Alastor's design doesn't work in the sense of who his character is: 1 2 And I mean, there IS good in the design (again, I draw it a lot. It isn't as god-awful as some people make it out to be), but I acknowledge that it could be improved A LOT.

But I do see your point with the bobcut either way. Because while I do think it genuinely was JUST a design decision with no real reason as to why he has it in canon, we do have it and it's something for us to try and work with. And it is, for his time period, a feminine hairstyle that would go against my logic for him! With that said, it should be noted that hair was always a bit more muddy in terms of what was for ladies and what was for men. Of course, during Alastor's time, men had to have some length of hair to get the hairstyles that were popular at the time, but it wasn't popular to put it in a bob. But the bobcut was worn by men as far back as the Renaissance, I have to admit that's definitely stretching it though. I will say, that I wouldn't be like... surprised if Alastor was okay in canon wearing feminine clothes that are to his style. I don't think in any interaction he'll ever want to wear anything sultry like Jessica Rabbit, but I'm not gonna say it's impossible that Alastor wouldn't at least be fine with clothes to his style or similar to that in cannibal town. I think no matter what he'd just have a clear preference for masculine attire, but I definitely get what you mean concerning the bobcut possibly indicating that he would be open to more feminine clothes. His personality just REALLY doesn't read that way to me, but I could be wrong about that. At the least for this AU, there's still that issue of Vaggie ignoring the fact Alastor is a man. Even if he'd like wearing feminine clothes on his own, he's gonna feel uncomfortable and miserable in them because Vaggie is deliberately trying to force him to be a woman and see him as that. And while he has high respect for them, I don't think Alastor would actually like to be one (but I have read some fun trans stories with that idea).

In terms of canon, maybe it's less about the outfits themselves and more that Alastor has to choose what he wears and then he'd be fine with it. I'm not sure. I'm not really opposed to him enjoying some feminine clothes, it's just not really something I think he'd like to do.

I will say that I don't think Vaggie is really putting androgynous clothes on Alastor, and I think THAT'S where he'd be more okay with it. Like okay, I think he's not really going to be cool with anything showing an inch of skin (his normal attire only really has his head exposed, everything else is covered! His hands are debatable because while they were stated to be gloves, his summer merch clearly had them not being gloves. By the same token, merch of Charlie had her having normal human feet rather than her cloven hooves we know and love!) The issue with androgynous clothing, especially in the 20s/30s, is that Alastor would still look pretty close to being a man as usual. So while I think Alastor would be perfectly fine wearing something like this, Vaggie would probably NEED to add makeup to give the impression he's more female than male. But she's probably experimented with outfits for him! Adversely, if you go by more modern androgynous clothes like this, Alastor's already not gonna like it because it's modern. But in addition, they do lean more feminine. But once again, that can depend on how you headcanon his character. It just so happened in this au, he doesn't like wearing feminine or feminine-esque clothing. This like everything else is open to change, especially if we see him interested in that sort of fashion in the canon of the show.

[xxskyethetiredemoxx]

Auctober 2024

Day 21: queer

Many autistic people are part of the queer community, or have a complicated relationship with their gender or sexuality. Our identities are often outside the norm of what society expects, and this can be reflected in our queerness.

I'm trans, pansexual, and gender non conforming. I've always had a strange relationship with my gender identity and sexuality that I didn't see much in the people around me, and I didn't recognise this for a long time because I was expected to be a certain way. But I learned to embrace the fact that I can be different to what I see, and meeting other queer people has helped me realise that it's not something to hide or suppress, and it's just a part of who I am :)

Ofc not every autistic person will be queer, or vice versa, but many are, and that should be acknowledged, not as a reason to undermine our queerness, but as a way to embrace it as a part of a bigger picture of out identities