#accidentally sticking to shit and being awkward as fuck

[kennahjune]

Having thoughts of The Party being touchy as all fuck after everything.

Like you cannot enter nor leave any kind of hang out without a hug, high-five, pat, or anything from everyone you were hanging out with.

And then, suddenly, you aren’t able to leave without a kiss or hug of some kind from Steve.

It started after the bullshit that was the Starcourt Mall. The kids were leaving Steve’s house from a DnD session maybe 2 months before the Byers left for Cali.

Dustin was taking forever to pull his shoes on and get out the house to his moms car and everyone was complaining. It was one of those rare times where Steve wasn’t the one carting them all around— they all had their own rides.

Dustin got his shoes on and Steve handed him his bag and— without thinking— pressed a kiss to the top of his hat before waving him out the door.

The rest of the kids are silent until Mike speaks up bitchily “what about us, asshole?”

Steve has no idea what they mean until El points to her head with a grin. Steve deals out head and forehead kisses for everyone and waves them off to their respective rides.

And then it just— sticks. At first it’s with just the kids whenever he sees them. He’ll usually greet them with a hug or an exasperated sigh and then say goodbye with a kiss to their foreheads.

Not even Mike complains. This is the kind of shit he never got while growing up— might as well make the best of it.

And then it migrates to Robin as well, and the Nancy is joining in on the hugs (they’re still too awkward for the kisses but the hugs are enough for now).

And Steve never holds back, not even in public. Again, no one complains.

And that’s how Hellfire finds out about the kissing arrangement (that might be the title of this if I make it an actual fic). They watch as Steve presses a forehead kiss to Mike, Lucas, and Dustin before waving them off and then presses a kiss to Max’s head and giving her a tight hug.

The guys try to make fun of the kids for it but none of them are embarrassed.

“It’s Steve, dude. He’s like a mom.”

“The kisses are actually really comforting.”

“It’s a Party thing.”

And then the fuckery of 1986 and Vecna happens and suddenly Eddie’s in on the hugs and pats and high-fives.

And then.

And then.

He’s in on the kisses.

Steve doles out the kisses like usual one night after Hellfire and gives one to everyone— including Eddie.

And Eddie panics and gives Steve one right back.

And then the kids are going feral about wanting to give Steve a kiss too.

And Eddie leaves during the chaos.

And then they don’t talk about it.

Until Steve and Eddie do it again.

And the kids accept is as the new normal; you have to give Steve a kiss back.

And then Steve and Eddie have an excuse to kiss each other on the foreheads and cheeks and noses.

One night they’re hanging out, just the two of them at the trailer after Wayne left for work.

Steve had greeted Eddie with a tight hug the moment he’d gotten in the trailer. Eddie had squeezed back just as tight if not tighter.

Steve was getting ready to leave, and on instinct leant in to kiss Eddie, but Eddie was also leaning in to kiss Steve. So they meet in the middle and accidentally kiss on the lips.

And then the new normal for Steve and Eddie is kissing on the lips goodbye.

Idk, just Steve being a very touchy feely person makes me so happy

[nodoubtily]

okay wait I just requested jealous jungwon smut but how abt the reader having a huge crush on him n shit n he knows abt it but doesn’t act on it until he sees someone else tryna go after reader 😫 IK THIS IS BASIC BUT PLSSS

OHHHH YEAH

Warnings : smut so MDNI, possessive Jungwon, underage drinking, slight choking, teasing, dirty usage of language. Lmk if I missed anything! Not proofread!

Jungwon who froze when you first confessed, albeit accidentally, but nevertheless.

Jungwon who watched you cut through different corridors to avoid him, preventing an awkward moment.

Jungwon who chooses to just carry on about his day. Clearly you were trying to move on, and it’s best for him to stay out of your way.

“Come on, Won. Just talk to her.” Jay had said one afternoon at Jungwon’s house. “She’s literally ignoring me.” Jungwon reasoned.

Jungwon who feels a weird feeling growing in his stomach as he sees you grow a little closer with Sunoo.

Jungwon who can’t help but feel jealous as he watches Sunoo lean in close to you, whispering something you find funny for some stupid fucking reason, sulking when you playfully slap Sunoo’s arms.

Jungwon who boils over at Jake’s party, mentally snapping as he sees Sunoo and you talking in the hallway, faces close.

Jungwon who grabs your wrist, leading you to the bathroom located in the other side of the house.

written:

“Jungwon..” you say quietly, attempting to ignore the growing butterflies in your abdomen. “What are you do—“

“I can’t stand this.” He says reputedly. His eyes flicker between your eyes and your lips, which you catch on. Your fingers reach to your bottom lip, and you can’t help but feel a little sad.

“What do you mean?” You ask, voice shaky. His whole being brings you different emotions; the air around you thick with the tension.

The tension that has only built up since that dreadful moment you absolutely refuse to reminisce.

“I have only tried to make things less difficult for you..” his voice is low, menacing. It brings chills to your spine, though you can’t shake the feeling of your thighs clenching, all because of the way he’s looking at you, watching you. “And yet you decide to torture me.”

“How have I been torturing you?” Your voice is frustratingly shaking, and you can’t help it. Your hands tremble, and you resort to clenching your fingers around the rim of your skirt.

“Avoiding me…talking to my best friend, giggling at his jokes, slapping his arm. Absolute torture.” Your cheeks blush, you feel it. You feel the blood rushing to your face, sweat sticking to your skin, surrounding the air in such a tiny bathroom. “Do you enjoy messing with my brain?”

“You’re the one who rejected me—“

“I didn’t say anything. You caught me off guard. I didn’t get the chance to explain how I really felt. And then you moved on, and I’m stuck. Stuck imagining a future with you in it.” Jungwon cuts through your sentence, and you only flush more with embarrassment.

“I’m sorry you feel that way. And, I don’t like Sunoo like that.” You reassure, your knuckles turning whiter the longer they’re scrunched n your dress.

“Do you still like me? Do you still want me, the way that I, want you?” Jungwon edges forward, causing you to bump onto the sink. Your hands clutch the edge of the bench, leaning against it as your heart paces quicker.

“Yes.” You quiver.

“You still want me?” Jungwon’s voice is doing something to you. Your legs cross over, and your hips buck as you beg yourself for some kind of relief.

Jungwon takes notice to your growing sense of need, and his hands find your waist, pulling you flush against him. He towers over you, his eyes portraying a different side of him.

A side of him only you’ll ever get to see. A side that belongs to only you, just as how, you belong to only him.

“I want you, Y/N.” His voice is low, his hair wispy over his face. Your eyes follow along his face, and you’re in disbelief at the close proximity.

“You have me.” You say in the same low voice to, just above a whisper, but still ever so quiet.

That was all the reassurance Jungwon needed.

Without warning, his hands glide to your thighs, hoisting you above the counter with no hesitation. He whips around, reaching over to the door. You hear a click, signalling the fact he had locked the door. You were really alone now.

He leaves kisses along your neck, and your breath hitches when his lips find exactly where you’re sensitive the most: your pulse point. He leaves an open mouthed kiss there before working his way up to your lips, where he smashes his against yours, mushing them together as his hands find the sides of your face, yours grabbing his biceps with all the energy you can.

Your legs open wider, inviting him closer to your body as you cage him in, ankles looped around each other.

“Need you, Wonnie.” You sigh out in between the kiss. He pulls away, eyes trained o to yours, panting.

“How so?” He continues to nibble down your neck, hearing you pant like a needy dog.

You pull your hands away from his arms, dragging them lower between your legs, palming his growing erection through his pants. His breath hitches, and he groans, his head falling back slightly.

“I can’t wait.” His movements become more hurried, as he lifts your skirt to your hips, serving more as a belt then it’s proper use. His right hand comes into contact with your heat, his fingers swiping your panties away from your folds, gliding his index and centre finger along your slit, applying pressure to your clit.

Quiet gasps leave from your throat, and you rest your head against the mirror, mouth gaping when Jungwon slides his two fingers in, scissoring open your greedy hole.

“Feels good?” Jungwon asks you in your ear. You nod, earning a pinch on your thigh. “Words, or I stop.”

“Yes, feels so—“ a high pitched moan elicits from your puffy lips as a third finger is added, his thumb working finger eights on your clit. “Right fucking there—oh shit.” You succumb to the knot tightening when Jungwon’s fingers pad the spongy goodness deep inside your pussy.

“God, you’re going to be the death of me.” Jungwon sighs, before sliding his fingers out. You whine at the loss, but Jungwon stares at you, silently telling you to wait.

His hands find his buttons to his jeans, and he tweaks around them before undoing the buttons and zip. He reaches into his boxers, fishing his unit out.

He drags his tip along your folds, teasing you. “You want it?” He asks you, eyes boring into yours, daring you to admit it.

“Yes—give it to me. Give it all to me, god, please.” You beg, hands squeezing your own thighs in desperation.

“Are you sure?” He continues, a sly smirk dancing on his tongue.

“Fuck, please! Jungwon, just fuck me. Fuck me stupid with your cock…please..” you’re shy, and Jungwon finds it cute.

“Only because you asked so nicely.” He angles his tip right in front of your gaping pussy, sliding in slowly. Your hands find his shoulders, holding onto them for dear life as his big cock drives deeper inside you.

You both collectively let out a content sigh as Jungwon bottoms out, snug inside as he rests deep in your stomach.

His palm presses on the bulge, and you can’t help but whimper, thighs shaking. “Feel me? Feel me deep inside you?” His voice itself is shaky, control teetering to its edge. “Fuck, you’re so tight.”

“Please…move. Come on, Wonnie.” He doesn’t need to be told twice. He maneuvers your hips to the edge of the bench, a new angle reaching him impossibly deeper as he slowly moves, bringing his hips back to the point his tip almost slips out, before slamming back inside.

“Fuck, baby. Taking my big dick so well.” Minute by minute, pieces of his resolve shatters, utterly losing himself within your wet, tight warmth, inviting him inside so deeply he can’t help but become vocal. His whines escape his mouth without much hesitation, and his head leans back in immense pleasure.

Your eyes roll back as his dick reaches further points you didn’t know even existed, and you feel so utterly full it’s overstimulating in the most delicious way possible.

“I love your pussy so much.” And you could tell, due to the quick pace his hips followed.

You lifted your legs, so your feet rested on the bench, completely open. Jungwon holds your calves, placing them on his shoulders as he pounds into you, the sound of his balls slapping against your skin prominent isn’t eh room, allowing whoever was outside the door to know what is really taking place in this bathroom.

“You’re so—big.” You find difficulty speaking, air short in your lungs as you experience jaw dropping sex.

“Fuck, you’re pussy was made for me. Squeezing me so tight and tight, like it was formed for my fucking cock.” His words bring you even closer to your long awaited orgasm, a tight ball forming in your abdomen. “Tell me who this pussy belongs to.”

“You—fuck, it belongs to you.” You answer straight away, eyes fluttering shut as you feel yourself teetering to the edge of what will be a delicious climax. “I’m close.” You breathe out, desperation flooding you.

“Me too. Where do you want it?” Jungwon asks, referring to his fluid.

Your eyes open, and you stare into his soul when you say, “Inside. Cum inside and fuck a baby in me.”

Jungwon swears he could cum then and there. He only chuckles, hands coming to your throat, where he thrusts up to your g-spot, overstimulating the pleasure on your spongy goodness, dragging you super close to your orgasm.

“Fuck, you’re so perfect for me. Want me fucking babies? Turn you into a mama?” You clench hard against his thick shaft, and he groans. “You got so fucking tight—you want that? I bet you fucking do. You’re just my little fucking cumslut, aren’t you?”

“Your fucking cumslut. God, Jungwon. I’m about to cum.” You announce, and your arms loop around his neck, pulling him as close as possible as your legs wrap around his waist, keeping him right where he belongs. “Let me cum, pleasepleasepleaseplease.”

One of his hands unwrap themselves from your throat, sneaking its way down to your neglected clit, and he aggressively rubs the fuck out of it, bringing you to your long awaited climax.

It feels as if your clit explodes, waves upon waves upon waves of pure ecstasy flow through your body, creating a tremble you can’t shake as your legs quiver on his shoulders, thighs shaking in sensitivity. Your mouth grows more hoarse as more and more moans escape from your chest, and your eyes squint closed as Jungwon rides out your orgasm, thrusting into you with no mercy.

“I‘m gonna cum. Deep—“ thrust. “Inside—“ thrust. “You’re fucking pussy.” He punctuates each word until he creams inside you, ejaculating his hot seed deep inside your womb, and he shoves his head into the crook of your neck as he rides his own orgasm, overseeing the sensitivity it brings you.

Heavy pants fill the comfortable silence, as you both catch your breaths.

“I meant what I said.” Jungwon is the first to speak.

“What, that my pussy was made for your cock?” You answer, watching as he shoves his softened dick back into his boxers, zipping and buttoning them back on properly.

“That, and, that I want you. And not just sexually. I want you romantically. I want you to be mine. To be mine to love, to admire and mine to fuck. I want you so bad, that I forget myself sometimes deep in though about you.”

“Jungwon, you’ve always had me. I’ve always been yours.”

“Are you officially mine?”

“If I can?” You answer his question with your own.

“Please.”

I SUCK BALLS AT ENDINGS

perm taglist : @jyikeu @goldenretrieverjakezgirlbaby

@17ericas

[dutchiepoo2]

John Marston x F!reader:

Relationship Type NSFW hcs

idk what I'm doing. please leave feedback. -Jelly

minors dni.

If you're not in an established relationship:

The way I see it, John is not super promiscuous, but he is kind of... easy... I guess? He's not going to chase after you. He's awkward and a loner-type, and has kind of shitty self-esteem despite his bravado. Why would he waste his time if he knows you'd reject him anyways?

You are going to have to be the one to convince him to go to bed with you. (I use the term "convince" lightly, because if he's interested in you, all you have to do is ask and he's stripping). He's going to be confused, but there's no way he's going to question it. He'll jump right in.

Doesn't like to appear vulnerable. Sex, no matter how you put it, is vulnerable in some way. So, he acts cocky, dominant, confident. He can kind of be a jerk in some ways.

He's easily excitable, and can move pretty fast. Kiss him once? His hands are grabbing at your ass. He will not engage in PDA, but will follow you into town, the woods, behind a wagon...

Doesn't have the patience to tease or let you tease him.

He defaults to being rough. It's what he knows. If you're not in an established relationship, he's not thinking about intimacy. He's thinking about pleasure, though not in a selfish way. If you tell him to chill out, he will, but he won't really know what to do with himself.

Very grabby. Loves to feel you up. He's big on hips, thighs, ass. Loves to dig his fingers into your skin and watch the flesh dimple under his fingertips.

John will also grab your face for the same reason. Loves to squish your cheeks together ;)

Because he's such an ass/hips/thigh man, he prefers positions where they're easily accessible. Doggy, prone bone, reverse cowgirl, anything where your legs are over his shoulders. He prefers to keep it impersonal.

Speaking of, he doesn't like to take off all his clothes. Why waste the time? He doesn't want you to see him.

But John will make sure you enjoy yourself.

He loves to kiss, lick, nibble, bite. Expect to be marked up. He keeps his mouth busy.

Speaking of--- when his mouth isn't on you, it's spewing the nastiest strings of words you've ever heard.

He pays attention to your reactions, even the tiny ones. Once he figures out your buttons, he'll keep pushing them until you're exhausted.

Loves to watch himself push into you. He fascinated by the whole endeavor: the way your body so easily accepts him, you reactions, the feel of you, the visuals.

If you're one to get really wet, enough so that he can hear it, he'll need to stop for a second and look away, lest he finishes before he even starts.

Once he gets his bearings, he's fast, rough. Grabs you by the hips or thighs and pulls you back to meet each thrust. Kind of a shallow-thruster. If you prefer it slower, he'll accommodate by grinding into you between each thrust.

Generally just very hot, dirty, wild.

Low key can get kind of mean when he gets caught up in being cocky. Might laugh at you for moaning too loud or acting too eager or some shit. Don't let him get away with that.

On positions where he's on top, he'll basically hold himself up on you. He's not technically pinning you down, but he's a big man resting most his weight on you. Good luck getting out of that situation.

The exception is that he might push your face into whatever surface y'all are fucking on. He might grab your hair, but he probably won't go for your wrists.

Not big into spanking, but he'll do it if you ask. Don't touch his bum. Ever hear a grown man squeak? Don't do it. He'll get pissy and sulk.

Will not finish in you, even if you ask really, really nicely. He had one accidental kid and won't risk another.

Aftercare is kind of mediocre.

He'll stick around and will get you water and a cigarette if you want one.

Forgets to help you clean up.

Won't be super into cuddling afterwards. That requires a bit more of an emotional connection for him. He might oblige, but he'll be awkward and want to leave.

He'll be back for more, though!

If you're in a romantic relationship:

John gets a little more confident when it's clear you like and want him. He needs to trust you quite a bit to let his guard down. When his bravado is tempered by his trust in you, he becomes a bit softer. He's gentler in both mind and body.

Most sexual preferences in the section above are still true.

HOWEVER, in this case, he loves you. He's more thoughtful than most give him credit for. He looks at you with more reverence, and is willing to act softer towards you in bed.

Most of the time, it's pretty similar to what you're reading above. On nights where he's feeling comfortable, (maybe a little buzzed), happy, or just appreciative of you, it'll be pretty different.

He'll initiate pretty often. He's a hot-blooded young man. Very hard to wear out.

Instead of grabbing at you, he might run his hands and lips along your skin, tracing the curves and creases of your body. He'll let his fingers map out scars and stretch marks and veins.

John is captivated by you. He recognizes that you might see these marks as imperfections, but he views every part of you as something to be admired.

He'll be a bit more patient, too, but still doesn't take as much time as he could before whipping it out. Please talk to him about this. He's just eager.

He'll be quieter. He'll still be talking dirty, but he won't be as nasty or mean.

If you'd like, John might let you take the lead. Just don't touch his neck or try to hold him down. That's a hard no. He'll shut down or get mad.

Loves cowgirl. He'll let you ride him for a while, just laying back and watching you with a lazy smile. He'll guide you by the hips (as always) and run his hands up and down your thighs and (gently) make fun of you when you get tired. It's his favorite.

He'd be more interested in positions that lets him see your face or hug you, too. Missionary, sideways, whatever.

If he's in a position where he can, he'll make out with you the whole time. I mean the whole time. He'll literally be grunting and groaning into your mouth. Thinks it's really hot when you do the same.

He won't go as fast. He'll focus on getting an angle that gets the best reactions from you. This is when he'll want to go deep.

Aftercare is better.

Still forgets to help clean you up.

MUCH more willing to snuggle after. In fact, he kind of needs it.

Loves to spoon you, but doesn't really love being spooned. Touch his hair... he'll forget about that real quick.

Expect lots of kisses to any marks he made, and low, rumbling laughs each time he finds a new one.

Nights like these actually wear him out more than the rougher ones.

[deadgirlwalking91]

new guitarspear fic

'thank you for the venom', chapter one: 'if this is what you want, then fire at will'

Summary

“Is that all it takes to make you moan? You’d be such a freak in the sheets, Lieutenant.”

“Hilarious. Respectfully, Sir, go deep throat a cactus.”

***

Despite working together for years, Adam and Lute can't stand each other.

He thinks she's got a stick up her ass.

She thinks he's an idiot.

When Lute goes behind Adam's back to Sera and proposes they change their training regime for Extermination Day, Adam is hellbent on making her life miserable - until he learns it's in his best interest to work with her, not against her.

The problem is, neither of them counted on unexpected feelings getting in the way of their jobs, which makes things... tense for them.

What happens when one day, they accidentally take things a little too far?

***

Chapter One

Adam & Lute’s Office, Exorcist Training Centre, Heaven

Lute knew she’d messed up this time.

If she had an ordinary boss, she might only cop a slight reprimand for going over his head – an uncomfortable conversation, promises of ‘I’ll never do it again’, waiting for time to pass until the awkwardness of the situation wore off and they could go back to business as usual.

Unfortunately, her boss was far from what most would consider an ordinary angel – both in title and temperament. Which consequently meant his reaction to her undermining him would be… hostile, to say the least.

“I can’t fucking believe you went to Sera without talking to me first!” Adam bellowed, pounding his fist on his desk. Old coffee cups, abandoned paperwork and scattered stationary threatened to spill over the edge, littering the already cluttered floor around his workstation. “Fucking low blow babe, even for a kiss-ass like you.”

Don’t rise to his anger. Keep a cool head. Explain your case.

“Sir,” Lute laced her fingers together and placed them on the surface of her own desk, ready to state her case for taking her proposal directly to the High Seraphim and bypassing her superior. In contrast to her Commander, her own workspace was neatly arranged, not a hint of messiness to be found. She cleared her throat. “I tried to talk to you about this a week ago, and you dismissed me.”

“You haven’t said shit to me.”

‘Yes I have,’ she thought to herself, resisting the urge to retort back and begin a verbal tennis match. She knew she’d win – after all, she was much smarter than Adam, and could hold a sentence without swearing, cursing or a sexual innuendo. Stooping to his level would just escalate the situation further than where it needed to be, and if it got to that level she was certain things would get ugly. Fast.

“I’m positive we have had this conversation, Sir.”

“Nup. We haven’t.”

Lute inhaled slowly and deliberately through her nose, trying to supress her already-rising frustration. He was being particularly petulant today, and she found her patience with him was quickly wearing thin. Squaring her shoulders, she continued. “Sir, we were on our way to the eight o’clock agility training session. I remember it clearly as you were complaining that you had a meeting with Sera later that morning. I thought it would be an opportune moment to mention it to you as it would be fresh in your mind when you met with her.”

Adam snorted and leaned forward onto his elbows; the golden facial expression on the screen of his mask fixed into a jeer. “And you think that was a good time to approach me about one of your lame ideas? I thought you were smarter than that. What’s my first rule of working together, sweetie?”

Don’t throw a knife at him. Don’t threaten to disembowel him – as much as you want to. Stay calm, Lieutenant.

“With all due respect, Sir –” Lute growled, her professional tone wavering. “I hardly think that putting limits on when I can and cannot converse with you is conducive to creating a professional working relationship with you.”

“Firstly, we don’t have a professional working relationship, babe. It’s pretty fucking black and white, actually – I’m your boss, you listen to me. It’s not that difficult a concept to grasp.” Lute opened her mouth in anger to protest, but Adam held up a single finger, signalling for her to wait. Dumb move. That single gesture just fuelled the intense rage that was quickly building inside her.

“Secondly, the rule is don’t talk to me about important shit before nine o’clock. Chances are I won’t remember it because I’ll be half asleep, and I’ll give even less of a fuck about what you’ve got so say because you’ve pissed me off before I've had my morning coffee.”

“I’d rather not talk to you at all,” Lute said through gritted teeth. “But, I unlike you, actually care about Extermination Day, and if we continue how we’re currently track-”

“And I, unlike you,” Adam said mockingly in a high-pitched voice that was supposed to sound like Lute’s, “couldn’t give a shit about how many Sinners we slay next Extermination Day, or whatever the fuck it was that you ran to Sera about. The only thing that matters is that we show our faces in Hell on Extermination Day and slaughter some demon ass. That’s it. Those fuckers are scared shitless of us anyway, so it doesn’t matter how many we kill, we'll always have the upper hand. It’s called working smarter, not harder, babe.”

He cannot be serious right now. Does he not realise that our kill rate is slipping, year on year? How this might affect us long-term? That Sinners might start to fight back once they figure out that we’re starting to let our guard down?

“So what you’re telling me,” Lute started, now barely able to contain her vitriol, “Is that you don’t give a flying f-”

“Exactly.” Adam stood up and smirked down at Lute, the smug look of satisfaction on his mark now too much for Lute to bear.

Fuck you, you arrogant prick.

“Conversation’s over. Get back to actually doing your job, Lieutenant, instead of wasting my time with your insignificant, petty bullshit. Don’t fucking pull a stunt like this again.”

Adam strode towards the door of their shared office, pausing briefly as his hand rested on the door handle, his smirk intensifying. “Oh, one more thing.”

“What?” she snapped, head now in her hands. She couldn’t even physically look at him.

“I’m pretty sure we just established that I’m your superior, so a bit of respect would be nice to hear, Lieutenant.”

“What, sir?” Her hands pulled in frustration at her silvery-white bangs that had fallen into her eyes.

“Be a good girl and finish that overdue paperwork for me, would you? I’ve got more important shit to do. It’d be a good reminder for you of what your job actually entails.”

That’s it.

Lute had tried to play nice. Tried to do the right thing and raise her suggestion in a polite, professional manner. Took an alternative avenue once she realised her attempts at improvement were going nowhere. She’d even attempted to sit calmly through his dressing-down without reacting to his bullshit. But now?

She’d finally snapped.

Agilely leaping over her desk so she was in front of his, she picked up one of the multiple long-forgotten mugs that cluttered the surface and hurled it in his general direction.

Lute hadn’t really expected for it to hit him – the act of picking up the mug and throwing it had been born out of built-up frustration and anger at her imbecile boss, a need to expel some of the hatred that had built up over the course of their most recent conversation. The fact that it had connected with the side of his head and shattered into at least a hundred tiny ceramic pieces?

Just a bonus, really. It was just a damn shame it didn’t leave a mug-sized hole in his head.

‘Good. Hope it fucking hurt.’ She allowed herself a moment of satisfaction, taking in his surprise as he lifted a hand to his head and checked for blood. Time to let him have it.

“If anything,” she hissed in a low, dangerous voice. She was now moving towards Adam, one hand clenched by her side, the other pointed threateningly at his face. “Let me get this one thing through your thick head – though more than anything right now, I’d love to drive my sword between your eyes, carve up your tiny, pathetic excuse for a brain and force feed it back to you raw.”

Adam opened his mouth to respond, his surprise at her tone quickly turning to fury, but she didn’t give him the courtesy. He needed to hear this – graphic acts of violence and all.

“Shut it,” she snarled. “Shut the fuck up and just fucking listen for once, as difficult as that is for you. Because I’m not your fucking secretary. I’m not your assistant. I’m here to do my job – which is to provide training and mentorship to the other Exorcists, because you’re too damn incompetent to do it yourself.” Her normally restrained voice grew louder. “Perhaps if you focused more on doing your job, instead of screw-”

“Geez,” Adam drawled, “You’re a fucking little mouthy cunt, aren’t you?” He gripped the wrist of Lute’s outstretched arm, rage etched all over his mask, which had started glitching ever so slightly. Not a good sign.

Ouch. Lute may be the better aim of the two, and more agile, but Adam was had the upper hand when it came to brute strength. She was positive that his hold on her wrist was going to bruise – that was going to be fun to explain once it was noticed. She continued to stare him down, never daring to break eye contact or even blink. She couldn’t let him think he’d won. Even if he did have her arm in a death grip.

She’d rather fall to the depths of Hell than admit defeat to him.

Rap-rap-rap.

“Adam? Lute?” a soft voice called from behind the door. “Is everything alright? I heard something break just now.”

Sera.

Seizing her moment, Lute yanked her wrist from Adam’s grasp and made towards her desk once again.

“Come in, Your Highness,” she called in an uncharacteristically chirpy voice. “Adam accidentally dropped his coffee mug, and it broke, which is what you must have heard. I was just showing him the best way to clean up the mess.”

Adam shot her a filthy look and stomped back to his desk, muttering incoherently under his breath – though Lute was sure she heard the word bitch at least twice.

The handle clicked, and Sera poked her head through the gap between the door and the frame. She frowned at the scattered ceramic pieces that lay forgotten on the floor.

“Are you two… having a disagreement?” she asked concernedly, her large, almond-shaped eyes noticing the glowering looks the two angels were shooting each other. “I thought I could hear shouting.”

“Yeah, we’re fine Sera,” Adam waved his hand dismissively at Lute. “Lieutenant here was just running some ideas past me for next month’s training plan and got a bit carried away.”

‘As if he hadn’t completely flown off the handle just minutes ago’ Lute thought angrily to herself but feigned a smile and nodded politely. Going toe-to-toe with Adam in private was one thing, but she prided herself on keeping her composure around the Seraphim and other senior angels in Heaven. They didn’t need to know about their little disagreement.

Or the hundreds of disagreements that had occurred before this one. None had been quite this heated, though.

This was the only one that had almostended in violence, though. That was a first.

“Oh, excellent.” Sera moved into the room and shut the door behind herself. “What do you think, Adam? Your Lieutenant has some brilliant ideas, which I personally can’t wait to see executed over the coming months. Her presentation to me was very promising.”

The look on Adam’s face was positively feral now. Lute relished this moment and made a mental note to file this look away in her memory bank – seeing him quietly seethe in the presence of his direct superior, knowing it was in his best interest to keep his cool was something she was going to enjoy. To rile him up further, she propped an elbow on her desk, rested her chin in her hand and shot him a quick, satisfied smirk.

Cop that, asshole.

“Yeah,” Adam grumbled, suddenly busying himself with the paperwork on his desk. “They’re good.”

“Well,” Sera clapped her hands together and smiled at Lute, who bowed her head in respect in return. To hear that her proposal was highly regarded by one of the most senior angels in Heaven was praise beyond what she ever expected to receive for her work.

It was certainly more than what her direct boss had ever given her.

“That settles that, then. Lieutenant, if you could please come with me, I’d like to add a couple of things to your training program that I’ve thought of.” Lute nodded and rose from her desk once more, gathering her bag and notes. Noticing that Sera had turned to open the door once more, Adam quickly shot Lute a one-fingered salute to bid her farewell. Lute simply mouthed, “get fucked” in return.

“Oh, Adam, I see you’re working on the monthly training incident report that I asked you to turn in a week ago,” Sera said as he hastily went back to pretending to review his work. “Make sure it’s on my desk by five o’clock, please. I need it for a meeting tomorrow with the other Seraphim.” She turned and glided out the door, Lute only a few footsteps behind – though she took care to accidentally bump Adam’s shoulder with her own as she trailed behind Sera.

“Kiss-ass.”

“Dick.”

Lute closed the door with a little more force than necessary – just for good measure, knowing it would infuriate Adam to no end. Just to rub her victory in a little more. Because, after this round?

The score was Lute – one, Adam – zero.

Laughing to herself, she was sure she could hear Adam cursing her with language colourful enough to paint an entire rainbow as she strolled down the hall to Sera’s office.

Bring it on.

***

The Common Room, Exorcist Training Centre, Heaven

The Training Centre common room was abuzz with idle chatter and echoes of laughter as Lute entered later that morning, determined to continue her work far, far away from Adam. No formal training sessions had been scheduled for that day – the result of his poor timetabling skills, Lute was sure of it.

She would have expected the Exorcists to be using their ‘free’ time to hit the gym, or initiate sparring sessions with one another. Perhaps use the opportunity to enhance their weapon skills or, if they were particularly ambitious, simulation training. Slaying holographic demons was almost as satisfying as the real thing. Just a lot less bloody.

The reality was, on personal development days, the Training Centre turned into a goddamn sorority house. Hundreds of incredibly beautiful women congregated together in the common room, not a helmet or uniform in sight as they lazed about in their casual clothes. Some were huddled together in small groups, hands wrapped around mugs of steaming coffee or tea, giggling at whatever the latest gossip happened to be - usually centred around Adam’s latest squeeze. Others congregated around tables, playing card games (the most popular one lately, Lute had noticed, was an extremely competitive game involving red, green, blue, yellow and black cards that seemed to invoke a lot of shouting and name-calling).

The sight of it all never failed to give Lute a thumping headache. This wasn’t a fucking kindergarten, this was supposed to be work, dammit.

It wasn’t that she was against fun. She knew how to enjoy herself. There was nothing better than cosying up on the couch after a long day at the Training Centre with a hot chocolate, blanket and comforting book. Or an intense, two-hour gym session, sweating her frustrations away – a ritual she religiously undertook every single day, no excuses.

Sometimes, when Lute really wanted to spoil herself, she’d have a bubble bath. Now, that was wild.

Sighing, she located one of the more comfortable, vacant armchairs and slumped into it, allowing her eyes to close for just a moment. Normally she’d redirect the Exorcists to go and use their time more productively but after her earlier verbal sparring match with Adam, she needed a moment to relax before she got stuck into the fresh paperwork Sera had assigned her.

Sera loved paperwork.

Only three more days until I can start to turn this shitshow around.

“You look like hell.”

Lute chuckled softly. Without looking, she knew exactly who had greeted her in such a matter-of-fact way – it was the only person she’d allow to do so without punishment. Opening her eyes, she was graced by the presence of a petite angel perched on the arm of her chair, her soft red, almond-shaped eyes crinkled into a look of concern. She handed Lute a mug of steaming, black coffee which she graciously accepted with a wry smile. This morning’s events called for extra caffeine to get her through the rest of the day.

What an angel.

“Thanks, Vaggie. Rough morning in the office again.”

“Ugh. What did he do this time?”

One of Lute’s favourite things about Vaggie was how she was certain she was the only other Exorcist in the lounge who openly hated Adam as much as she did. Probably because she was one of the only other soldiers who he hadn’t taken to his bed over the years. They both often joked that he was the sole reason Vaggie was a lesbian, that the First Man was so repulsive that he alone caused her to swear off all men.

Lute didn’t have her sexuality as an excuse as to why she’d never slept with him. She just straight up hated him. Plus, it would be highly unprofessional. And he was a cretin.

Did I mention that I hate him?

“He found out I took my proposal to Sera.” Lute took a long sip from the cup, the scalding liquid almost burning her tongue. Perfection. “Then proceeded to lose his shit because he forgot that I’d tried to talk to him about it before I approached her. He thought that I’d undermined him.”

Vaggie rolled her eyes. “Typical. How did it end? Did he threaten to leave you in Cannibal Town next Extermination Day again?”

Speaking of cannibalism, I threatened to feed his own brains to him. That’s normal, right?

“Um, not quite.” Lute began, taking another sip of coffee. “I might have accidentally-on-purpose thrown a mug at his head.”

Also totally normal.

“I’m so proud of you. Did you make him bleed?”

“Sadly not, but there’s always next time.”

Vaggie grinned, clinking her own mug against Lute’s. “I’ll drink to that.”

“Amen. He then called me a mouthy cunt and I’m about ninety percent sure one of us would have caused grievous bodily harm to the other if Sera didn’t walk in at that exact moment. The cherry on top is that she came to tell him we’re going ahead with my plans.” She set her empty mug down on a nearby table and grinned up at Vaggie, who had now crossed her legs and somehow still managed to stay perfectly balanced on the arm of her chair. Tiny little thing, she was. “You should have seen his face, Vaggie. It was glorious. I’m surprised he didn’t self-combust in anger.”

“If only.” Vaggie downed the rest of her drink. “So, if Sera’s approved the plan – congrats, by the way, we need to celebrate - when do you start whipping us into shape?”

“Monday morning. We’re going to announce it in here during the morning address, before we move into the training rooms.” Lute surveyed the Exorcists lounging about. “Don’t know how the girls will take it, though. Can’t say I’ve scheduled too many days like this.”

“It won’t be easy at first,” Vaggie warned. “They’re too used to this kind of freedom.”

“I know, and if Adam undermine-”

“UNO!”

Lute and Vaggie whipped their heads around simultaneously at the sudden high-pitched squeal, Vaggie almost losing her balance and toppling off the armchair in the process. A group of five Exorcists were at a nearby table, playing the colourful card game that seemed to be all the rage.. One was grinning madly as she clutched a single card to her chest.

“What even is that?”

Vaggie’s eyes widened.

“Seriously? You’ve never played Uno? I know you’re a hermit Lute, but come on.”

“No,” Lute admitted, “Who would I play with anyway, besides you?”

“Fair point. But – and I say this with love – I’m worried that you’ve thrown yourself into your work a little too much lately, especially with this new program you’ve created. You need to relax a little.”

“What does it look like I’m doing now?” Lute grumbled. “If I’m not training, working, or exercising, I’m relaxing.”

“Lute,” Vaggie laughed. “I could see how tense you are as soon as you walked in here – and to be honest, you’d be uptight even if you didn’t have a crappy morning. This isn’t chilling out. Relaxing is letting your hair down, getting a drink after training with the girls. Playing cards,” She nodded towards the group of angels, the girl who was holding one card now picking multiple others up from a pile, cursing her friends as they all giggled amongst each other. “Try it, you might enjoy it. It’s actually pretty fun, once you get the hang of it. I absolutely annihilated Scout the other week, she wouldn’t talk to me for three days.”

“Maybe. It’s probably blurring the lines between me being their superior and being their friend, though.”

“Oh yeah,” Vaggie said dryly. “And you don’t think them taking turns being Adam’s flavour of the week blurs any lines, do you?”

Dammit. She’s got a point.

Lute screwed up her nose in disgust.

“That’s different. I’m professional, he’s… not.”

“I’m not saying sleep with them, geez.” Vaggie rolled her eyes and slid into a standing position. “I’m just suggesting maybe try being friendly with the other girls, that’s all.”

“Fine. Once the program’s under way. If they don’t hate me for kicking their asses and making them actually work.”

“You may be a hardass, but nobody’s gonna hate you.” Vaggie held out her hand, motioning for Lute to take it. “Come on. Let’s grab lunch, I’m starving.”

Would it be so bad if I let my guard down… just a little?

Lute took her friend’s hand, allowing herself to be pulled up off the seat. She grimaced slightly at the tenderness in her wrist where Adam had grabbed her – no doubt there’d be a bruise there tomorrow.

“Alright, let’s go.”

Vaggie slung her arm around her friend’s shoulders as they walked towards the cafeteria together. “Buckle up, buttercup. Shit’s about to get interesting.”

***

Chapter Two

[braidlottie]

subby!college!nat!!

★ 18+ (minors dni) transmasc!reader, transmasc!nat, fwb? jerking off, TDICK!!! 🇺🇸🏈🦅 500 words exactly :]

happy tdick thursday :3 !!!!!!,,,

nat came over to your dorm earlier to study for your math exam with you, which had been going on for about 30 minutes. but he couldn’t read a single number anymore.

“i’m pooped.” he shut his textbook and put his laptop on top of your nightstand. “you wanna take a break? already?” you chuckle and he nodded, stretching his back from being hunched over in your bed for so long.

you laid down, grabbing your phone. “hey, make room for me, at least.” nat scooched back onto the twin bed with you, hissing when you accidentally kneed him in the crotch.

“oh, shit! sorry, natty,” you apologized, checking if he was alright. “you’re fine.” he closed his eyes, his forehead touching your bicep.

there was silence before you asked nat a pretty bold question. but he was your friend, it couldn’t be that awkward. right?

“this might be a weird thing to ask, but… how big are you?”

he snickered, eyes still closed with a faint smile on his face. “i don’t know, maybe an inch. i don’t really measure myself. what about you?”

“i don’t really know either.”

silence again.

“you wanna compare sizes?”

you laughed, thinking he was joking. he got up with raised eyebrows, biting his lip a little. “oh, yeah, sure.” you smiled, a little nervous. you and nat both sat up on your knees, your noses almost touching.

“can i?” nat’s hand went to the waist of your jeans. you nodded and let him undress you from the waist down, pulling down your jeans and boxers to finally see your tdick.

he exhaled heavily through his nose, his eyes filled with want. “you look good.”

“i bet you look even better.” it was your turn to peel off his pants, feeling his hips rock forward needily. you didn’t even take off his boxers yet when you saw the tent in his pants.

“are you hard?”

you looked up at him, his cheeks tinted a baby pink. “maybe.” he shrugged, even though his bulge was very clear. with his boxers finally pulled down, his dick was sticking straight up, twitching a little from the cold air conditioned room.

“oh, natty.” you gripped onto the waist of his t shirt , your friend groaning in embarrassment. “did i do this?”

he nodded, tugging on his ear nervously. “need me to help you?”

“please.” his hips rolled once more, wanting you to make him all better again.

you collect the wetness from his cunt, jacking him off with it. his moans were so light, they were almost whines. nat scatorccio? being a whiner?

“oh, shit- hmph.. don’t stop.” he held onto your shoulder to keep his balance, his face scrunching up as he came against your hand. “fuck.” he pushed his hair back, smiling a little.

“okay, i know that was fun, but we should really get back to studying, natty.”

“well, the next break, it’s your turn.” his thumb caressed your cock, a mischievous grin on his face.

taglist: @t4tnat @jaywritessometimes @girltwinklater @kessellluvr @lotties-ashwagandha @shipmanisms

[thelampisaflashlight]

Hands On Learning

[Dew tries something new, but lacks experience, so he gets a little help from a friend. SwissDew. Not suitable for younger audiences. Lead up to sexual content, but no actual sex this time, sorry.] Below the cut.

"You could always go fuck yourself." Swiss had said, gesturing rudely before giving him an encouraging grin, "Like, actually though. Get some lube, test the waters, see if you like it."

Dew considers Swiss' words as he wiggles into a more comfortable position on his bed, trying to figure out how best to approach... this.

This being him propping himself up in the most awkward, unattractive pose possible, legs spread with the small hand mirror he uses for personal grooming leaned against his wadded up blankets between them.

It's not like he hasn't fingered someone before, but there's a world of difference between doing something like this to another person and attempting it on yourself.

For one thing, Dew's not sure how to make it work; The pose, the prep, the anything, on himself at least.

He's like a prospector digging for gold when it comes to finding other people's sweet spots, but he's never really explored his own... caverns.

You'd think that would have been the first thing on the agenda when he got his new vessel, but he'd been shockingly prudish about the whole thing, due in no small amount to the strange, bubbling sense of insecurity he felt when looking at himself naked.

He isn't unattractive, at least he doesn't think he is -he's not his own type, but he gets enough compliments from others to not think he's at least a little hot- but part of him gets all squirmy thinking about himself in a sexual context.

He likes sex, likes making others feel good, and, fuck, if he doesn't get off on helping them get there, but this is different.

This isn't sex, at least he doesn't think it counts; It's masturbation, it's him fucking himself.

And, well, something about it makes him feel... weird.

Uncertain.

Anxious.

At least when it comes to doing something like this.

Jacking off is one thing, but for some reason the idea of sticking his fingers in his own ass is making his heart race in a not so fun kind of way.

He thinks, maybe, the mirror wasn't the best idea, seeing himself all scrunched up and awkward, however, that's the other problem Dew has doing these kinds of things.

He needs to see.

There's this little voice in the back of his mind that tells him he has to know what's going on at all times, that even in situations like this, where he's alone, he needs to be in control.

And where has that gotten him so far?

Well, he's managed to take his clothes off, that's something at least.

Dew makes eye contact with himself in the mirror, drawing his mouth into a line like he's looking at someone else after doing something embarrassing.

Shit, maybe this is embarrassing, huh?

His cheeks redden and he accidentally knocks over the mirror as his foot kicks out unexpectedly as he attempts to flee from his own reflection.

"Nope." he manages to squeak out as he slides off the bed to retrieve his underwear from the floor, pulling them on backwards in his haste and cursing himself under his breath as he has to step back out of them and turn them around.

Fuck.

How is he this flustered by something he's done a thousand times to other people??

He knows it feels good, if his partners are to be trusted, but he just can't get over the mental hurdle of doing it to himself.

Dew snaps the waistband of his boxers, feeling a sense of humiliation as he dismantles his set-up, swallowing the lump of shame in his throat.

He just can't do it.

...He can't do it alone, that is.

With a twitch of his tail, Dew glances over at his phone resting on his desk.

"...Fuck it."

If he's going to do this, he might as well do it right, and while Swiss will probably laugh at him for being this reserved about sticking something in his ass, he does know more about it than Dew, and he could use some help.

.

.

.

"Where do you want me?" Swiss asks once he's inside Dew's bedroom with the door shut, "You want me on the bed with you, or do you just want me to watch, give pointers?"

Dew looks between the multi-ghoul and his bed, at the sheets he'd neatly tucked back into place so the other wouldn't question what he'd been up to before he texted him for assistance.

"I dunno, just..." he eyes the door anxiously, checking that it's locked, "S-Show me what to do, or just, touch me and tell me what's happening."

Swiss nods, rolling up his sleeves, "I can do that. Bed?"

"Gimme a minute." Dew chuckles nervously, "I just, I don't..."

"You don't have to force yourself to do this, you know that, right?" Swiss tilts his head, warm brown eyes narrowed in sympathy, "Sometimes you don't have to try something to know you don't like it, or that the idea of it makes you feel iffy."

Dew hums, looking pointedly at the floor before meeting Swiss' gaze again, "It's..."

He inhales sharply through his nose and then slowly out of his mouth.

"I want to do this, I wanna know if I... If I like, ya know..." he rolls his hand in a vague gesture, "...I've never really done anything like this before."

He mumbles slightly at the end and Swiss leans in, genuinely unable to make out what he's saying.

"Dewy, I need you to speak up, I can't help you if I don't know what's going on in that head of yours."

The hybrid puffs warm air out of his nose, red all the way up to his ears, refusing to look anywhere but the wall behind Swiss.

"...Said I've never bottomed before..." he admits finally, "Never really explored that side of things, and even this-"

He gestures between the two of them.

"-is new for me." he sighs, "I'm still wrapping my head around the idea of letting someone touch me like this, so I... I'm trusting you to not fuck with me right now. No... No teasing me over this shit, okay? I'm already uncomfortable asking for help, so just..."

"I won't." Swiss promises, "This is serious business. You're trying something new, and you may not even like it, so we're gonna tread lightly. Test the waters, just like I said earlier, yeah?"

"Yeah..."

"So..." Swiss claps his hands together, making Dew flinch slightly, "Sorry. Bed?"

"Bed." Dew says, though his feet remain rooted in place, "...You first?"

Swiss nods and makes his way over to Dew's bed, pausing with his fingers poised against the buttons of his shirt, "You want me with my clothes off, or..."

"On!" Dew manages after a moment of quiet contemplation, "...Don't want to get distracted."

"You find my body distracting?" Swiss raises an eyebrow, a smirk spreading across his lips, "Good to know~"

Dew wings his sweatpants at him, hitting him dead center in the face.

"Shut."

"Aye, aye, Captain."

As Dew gets comfortable on the bed, he's starting to think maybe having Swiss keep his clothes on was a mistake; It's creating a strange dynamic between the two of them, and Dew's not entirely sure he likes it, but he also doesn't outright hate it, so...

There's some hope there, if only a smidge.

"If you want me to stop at any point for any reason, I will." Swiss assures him, "It's going to feel a little weird at first, but we both know that doesn't always mean weird bad. Just talk to me, and I'll talk to you."

Dew nods, lifting himself up slightly so Swiss can slide a pillow under his ass.

"Swiss..." he starts, already feeling a bit embarrassed, "I can't really... I can't really see what's going on from this angle..."

"I can prop you up a bit more if you'd like, but it's probably going to be easier for you to open up for me if you're in a more comfortable position." the other man says, giving Dew's thigh a squeeze, "I'm going to be here, talking to you the whole time, so you're not going to miss a thing, okay?"

"...Okay." Dew settles back down, glancing down up at Swiss, who's currently knelt between his legs, "Satanas... Right, let's... let's get this over with."

"We're not going to rush into anything." Swiss reminds him, "Just breathe with me for a moment and we'll ease into it. C'mon, in-"

"Swiss, this is ridiculous."

"It's not." he shakes his head, "It'll help, really. You trust me?"

Dew huffs a little at first, but something about the sincerity in Swiss' gaze makes him shut his eyes, "Okay..."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

From Hell to Home to Back Again

Summary: At the talent show, Chrissy Cunningham is so hungry that she nearly collapses. When she's found by Hopper, her parents ended up losing custody of her. She ends up being placed in the care of the Hendersons, and she finally finds the family she so desperately needed. She also ends up falling in love. What other changes are made in this alternate universe?

@emen-98 @1lostsoul0fishbowl @vulpixsworld

Prologue . . . Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Turns out, Chrissy had been in her coma for quite a few weeks. She didn't wake up until the end of November, and it wasn't until the beginning of December that she was able to start school up again. She was disappointed that Ronnie was only able to stick around long to say goodbye but nowhere near as disappointed as Robin and Eddie were. Also, the Hollands had waited to move until Chrissy woke up, and they were able to say goodbye. It was something that Barb would have wanted, they had told her. There was a part of Chrissy that was sad that they had to leave, but she understood why, and she was glad that they were going to be with family. She had missed Bob's funeral, but she wasn't sure what she would have said. She didn't know the man, and it's not like she could say he was a hero. . .no, one knows except their little party what happened.

"I'm sorry for not telling you," Chrissy whispered to Eddie.

"You don't have to keep apologizing, darlin," Eddie said sleepily.

After getting out of the hospital with a clean bill of health, Chrissy immediately jumped his bones. It was a little awkward at first because Eddie had been deathly afraid of breaking her, but after letting Chrissy handcuff him to the bed and doing whatever she wanted to him, he wasn't so scared. Although he was a little scared that she would hurt him. . .but in a good way, though. Healthy amount of fear. When they weren't in school or hanging out with friends, they were together. They all made sure that there would only ever be one awkward moment again when Wayne accidentally walked in on them with Eddie wearing her cheerleader uniform and chained to the bed. Chrissy had been on top of him wearing his vest and nothing else. They still couldn't look him in the eye. Now here they were. . .wrapped up in each other's arms.

"I just feel so bad," Chrissy said. "You have nightmares now."

"So do you, and at least now I know why. We're in this together, Chrissy," Eddie said and yawned.

"So, you're really not mad?" She asked.

"I'm going to be pissed if you don't let me go to sleep, darlin," he said.

"You called me 'darlin'. You have an accent when you do that," Chrissy mumbled.

"Yeah, only when I say shit like that. I try not to let it come through," Eddie said.

"It's sexy," she said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe I should do it more often," he said. ". . . Darlin."

And when they were all with their friends, they were trying to study for their end of semester exams or trying to make up for the school work that had suffered while Chrissy was in her coma. The new principal who had been so forgiving was now gone, and now, another one was in their place. Much like Higgins, this woman's pockets were being lined by the rich parents who want what's "best" for their kids. It meant no help for Eddie once again. The one thing that was helping now was the fact that he was dealing drugs and not many people were willing to fuck with someone who gave them what they wanted. Now, every one of their friends were trying to help him keep his grades up as well as theirs. Steve, Nancy, Robin, Jonathan, Argyle, Chrissy, and Eddie were sprawled out in Nancy's room, studying their asses off when Eddie threw down his pencil in frustration.

"GAH!" Eddie exclaimed.

"I need a fucking break too," Robin said. "A bathroom break more specifically."

Robin stepped over people's bodies lying on the floor but made sure to step on Eddie before she left the room.

"Wheeler!"

Chrissy giggled and rubbed Eddie's back while he scowled, mumbling under his breath. Just as they settled down, they heard Robin shriek from the bathroom. They all sat up just as she came running into the bathroom with a thin white stick.

"What the fuck is it?!" Robin asked.

"Well, Robin, it looks like a pregnancy test," Steve said and paused. "Yes, it is in fact, a pregnancy test."

"Steve! Who's is it? Chrissy? Is it yours?" Robin asked.

"What?! No! I least I don't think it's mine!" Chrissy yelped.

"What do you mean you don't think it's yours?! Did you or did you not piss on a plastic stick today?!" Eddie shrieked.

"I don't remember doing it, but the doctor said I might have some memory problems!" Chrissy panicked.

"We just started having sex! We can't be pregnant yet!" He yelled.

"Oh, right!" Chrissy realized. "Nancy, is it yours?!"

"What?!" Steve yelled. "Nance?!"

"No! Nope! Definitely not!" Nancy exclaimed.

"Well, it's not fucking mine!" Robin exclaimed.

"Guys! There's another female living in this house!" Steve exclaimed.

"Max," Robin and Nancy said in realization.

"She better not fucking be!" Robin yelled. "She's too young, and I'm not ready to be an aunt!"

"It's not ours, is it?" Argyle asked Jonathan.

"What?! Of course, it isn't!" Jonathan exclaimed.

"Okay, because the other day when you asked me to fill - "

"ARGYLE!" Jonathan yelled out, blushing.

Suddenly, the door burst open. Ted and Karen stood in the doorway, looking concerned.

"What the hell is all this yelling about?" Ted asked.

"THIS PREGNANCY TEST IS TEARING US APART!" Eddie yelled, pointing at Robin's hand.

"Oh," Karen laughed. "That's mine. It was a false positive. I got my period."

"Oh, thank God!" Robin sighed, and then she screamed, throwing it on Nancy's bed. "My mother pissed on that thing!"

"Thanks, Robin," Nancy said sarcastically.

"Mom! Dad! Kitchen!" Robin exclaimed.

"I think we're in trouble, dear," Ted said.

"I think so," Karen said in amusement.

Robin led her parents down in the kitchen with the others following quickly. She sat them down at the island and stood in front of them with her hands on her hips..

"Okay, sometimes when a man and woman love each other, although they don't have to love to each other. Sometimes, it doesn't even have to be a man and a woman, but in your case. . . " Robin said.

"I think our daughter is giving us the talk," Ted said.

"It's about time, don't you think?" Karen giggled.

"Mom! Dad! Focus! . . .Visuals!" Robin exclaimed and rushed upstairs before coming down with Nancy's purse.

"Hey! That's mine!" Nancy yelled as Robin pulled out a condom.

"Mom, dad, this is a condom. . . " Robin said and then grabbed a banana. "And this is a . . . Well, you know what this is."

"No, dear, I'm afraid we don't. Enlighten us," Ted said.

"Ted! Okay, Robin, enough," Karen said in amusement. "We don't need to have the talk."

"It certainly sounds like you do. . .almost getting pregnant . . . Jesus," Robin said and rolled her eyes.

"Well, this was the entertainment we needed," Eddie grinned. "Let's get back to it."

"Well, it's a good thing none of overreacted," Argyle said as they walked up the stairs and they all laughed.

"Hey, Chrissy?" Eddie asked as they walked back into Nancy's room.

"Yeah?"

"You don't mind if we do mouth and hand stuff for a while, do you?" Eddie asked.

"Just what I was thinking," Chrissy grinned.

"We'll definitely won't have a problem with that. Steve is very generous," Nancy grinned.

"Damn," Chrissy laughed as Steve smirked, and then he shook his head.

"I don't understand why some guys complain about doing that. I love it," Steve said.

"Apparently, so does Nancy," Chrissy said and wiggled her eyebrows at her as they all laid back down.

"Ugh, gag me with a spoon," Robin said. "Not about my sister. I just had a sex talk with our parents. Don't make me give you one too."

"I'm still feeling a little on edge about the whole thing. Is anyone else feeling their heartbeat in their ears?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah, I do!" Argyle exclaimed.

"Okay, one, that's not your heartbeat and two, you're laying on Jonathan's chest," Eddie said.

After their very alarming study session, they went their separate ways. Eddie took Chrissy back to his trailer to have dinner with Wayne. She showed him how to make lasagna from scratch. Well, she ended up showing both of them how to make it. It was a lot of fun showing them how to cook, especially when she saw their eyes light up when they realized they had a knack for it. After a while, the three of them sat at the very small table off to the side of the kitchen.

"So, how'd the studying go?" Wayne asked Eddie.

"Good, I thought I got Chrissy pregnant there for a minute," Eddie said.

Wayne almost choked on a mouthful of lasagna. Chrissy bit her lip to keep from laughing as she patted his back. He swallowed and took a huge gulp of water.

"BOY! You did what now?!" Wayne exclaimed.

"Thought! I thought I got Chrissy pregnant! You need to listen!" Eddie exclaimed, tapping his ear. "She's not, by the way."

"You have a death wish, Eddie," Chrissy giggled as Wayne glared at him.

"You don't need to worry. It was Nancy's parents who were the irresponsible ones," Eddie said.

After dinner, Eddie and Chrissy were busy cleaning up in the kitchen while Wayne disappeared. They had assumed he had gone outside to smoke, but they had been wrong. Chrissy and Eddie turned around to find Wayne walking by with Eddie's bedroom door.

"You'll get this back when you become smarter," Wayne said.

"Jesus, Wayne! I guess I'm never getting the door back! This is a little dramatic, don't you think?! If you think this is going to stop us from making the beasts with two backs, then - OW, Chrissy! - then you're probably right!" Eddie exclaimed. "I love you, Uncle Wayne! You look like you have a lot more hair today than you did yesterday! Uncle Wayne, I need that door!"

"Son, we can not fit a baby in this trailer," Wayne said.

"Excuse me, I'm the biggest baby around, and I fit just fine!" Eddie yelled.

"Are you really arguing to be a teen dad?" Wayne asked.

"Well. . .no, fine, take the door!" He exclaimed, tossing his hands up in the air.

"I wasn't asking for your permission anyway, boy," Wayne said and walked out the front door.

"You know, he wouldn't be like this if he didn't care so much," Chrissy said as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I know," Eddie pouted.

"He knows we're far from ready," Chrissy giggled. "Besides, we still have your van."

"That's true," Eddie grinned and kissed her deeply. "Let's dance, baby. At least we can do that."

He dragged her into his room and started blasting "Let's Dance" by Bowie. Chrissy giggled as Eddie spun her around in his arms. Her strawberry blonde hair spun around her as he twirled her before pulling her flush against. Chrissy grinned as she wrapped her arms around his neck as she swayed to the beat.

"I love you!" She yelled as he dipped her.

"If you say run. I'll run with you, and if you say hide, we'll hide because my love for you would break my heart in two. If you should fall into my arms and tremble like a flower," Eddie sang.

Chrissy hugged him before climbing him like a tree and kissing him, wrapping her legs around him. Eddie laughed before throwing her onto the bed and crawling on top of her. He took the bottom of her sweatshirt in his mouth and raised it up slowly.

"Eddie! There's no door!" Chrissy laughed.

"I'll risk it," he said.

Suddenly, Eddie felt himself being sprayed with water. He couldn't help but hiss. He turned around to find Wayne standing there with a spray bottle.

"No babies," Wayne said.

"At some point, you're going to have to trust us that we're being completely safe," Chrissy laughed. "Eddie, why don't you take me home before you get me in trouble?"

Eddie growled before climbing back off the bed before reluctantly pulling Chrissy up as well. He walked out the door with his girlfriend, flipping his uncle off on the way. Chrissy sighed as they got into his van.

"I swear I never wanted you more," Eddie sighed.

"You're an idiot," she said affectionately.

"But I'm your idiot," Eddie grinned, and then he cackled.

Eddie walked her to the front door and then stood on the porch, staring at her. It was like he was studying every inch of her face, and as his eyes moved, he started tracing her face with his finger. Chrissy sighed happily at his touch. He cupped her cheek, rubbing the skin with the pad of his thumb.

"I'm really glad you're awake," he whispered.

"Me too," she whispered.

She stood on her tiptoes and pulled him in for a kiss. Eddie kissed her back softly, savoring the feel of her lips. Chrissy pulled on his hair, turning the kiss more aggressive. Suddenly, the porch lights started flickering madly, and they both pulled away, looking at each other in fright. BAM! They jumped when they heard something slam against a window. They peered at the window next to the door and found Dustin's face pressed up against it.

"That is my sister you're defiling, Eddie!" Dustin shrieked.

"Jesus H Christ! I hope he never teams up with Wayne," Eddie muttered.

"And don't think I don't know about the pregnancy scare!" Dustin yelled.

"Oh boy," Chrissy muttered.

Meanwhile, Chrissy saw their mother pull Dustin away and scold him before pushing him toward his room. Eddie and Chrissy laughed.

"You should probably head inside. Wouldn't want your brother dad to ground you," Eddie said in amusement.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you more," he replied.

"Scientifically not possible," Chrissy whispered.

"Witch."

"Freak."

This routine that they did would never get old for Chrissy, not even if it went on for a million years. She kissed him one last time before walking into her house. After she got ready for bed, later that night, Dustin barged into her room and started lecturing her on the practices of safe sex. She laughed and tried to tell Dustin that she was being safe, but he wasn't having any of it. He continued on with Tews sitting in Chrissy's lap, falling asleep to Dustin's lecture.

"Dustin!" Chrissy exclaimed after he went on for too long. "I'm going to kill you! Stop!"

Dustin sighed and threw his hands up in the air before placing them on his hips.

"I just want you to be safe," Dustin sighed.

"Aw, Dusty, I am safe," she said softly. "I'm here, and I'm awake."

"It's just too soon for any one of you to have a baby after everything that's happened," Dustin said.

"Well, yeah, but we're going to be as safe we can be, but it's not 100%. The only sure way is abstinence, and you can't ask us not to have sex especially after everything we've been through. It's a great way to be intimate and also get our frustrations out when we don't know what to say," Chrissy said.

"Ugh! I do not want to know that you and Eddie like it rough!" Dustin exclaimed.

"Well, actually, I lean more toward being rough. Eddie leans more toward being gentle - "

"I said I don't want to know!"

"You were the one who came in here lecturing me about sex! If you didn't want to know, why are you here?!" Chrissy yelled.

And like all siblings, they started to argue. Their relationship wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. They might have fought less than the Wheelers and the Sinclairs, but they fought just like siblings do. Their argument ended when they both called for their mother, and she came into the room to drag Dustin out. Finally, Chrissy was able to crawl into bed and cuddle with Peggy, the stuffed pig that Eddie had given her. She had a huge smile on her face as she sighed happily into her pillow. It had been very chaotic today, but the normal kind of chaotic, not the monster kind. And really, she should be more panicked about the whole thing, but maybe it was the fact that it was so fucking normal that it just made her giggle especially when she remembered when Argyle asked Jonathan if the pregnancy test was theirs. She knew without a doubt that he had smoked before he had gotten there. Like Jonathan, the young man was riddled with anxiety, like all of them really, and she knew that the weed helped.

"Argyle!" She giggled fondly.

Suddenly, Dustin pounded on the wall that separated their bedrooms.

"What are you giggling about in there?! Go to sleep!"

"Your face!" She yelled back.

"That doesn't even make sense!"

"Children! Please, Mommy's got to get up for work in the morning!"

"Sorry, Mom!"

Chrissy closed her eyes and thought about her family. She fell asleep with a smile on her face, snuggling Peggy close to her heart.

Chapter Twenty-Four

[verdemoun]

can I get some timewarp Charles or Dutch? I love your au 😭

cracks every bone in my hands lets fucking gooo

charles blessed and beloved. he died of illness in 1908 but it was so peaceful he died in his sleep in a warm bed and as got sick he accepted it with a very similar flare to hosea talking about bessie where he was quietly hopeful he would get to see arthur again and instead of being jolted to the present like the more violent deaths he just woke up peacefully to an arthur that got to age and looks healthy and is smiling at him so affectionately because he missed him so much

they're in love, your honor

arthur already has his own place (very close to hosea's, of course) so charles immediately moves in with arthur and they fall into domestic bliss without actually having the conversation of 'i know we were close friends and confidants with unaddressed feelings in the past and it's been almost a decade and you had to mourn me but do you want to be my partner for the rest of our natural lives btw i have an adult son'

charles is still awkward though he didn't understand life and people in 1899 sometimes modern era is just too much they'll be grocery shopping and someone will say a new sentence so stupid he has to go sit in the truck and just disengage with society for a while.

he has zero social media presence and cannot handle the constant depression of tv news media. what do you mean people are still fighting over civil rights and racism back in my day you could throw a stick of dynamite at a kkk meeting or shoot a eugenicist in front of the law and no one cared. if he's home alone he's listening to cds on through an actual cd player

charles smith would absolutely fuck with a home depot helping john build beecher's hope awakened something in him. the garage is almost as big as their house on one side you have arthur's eclectic collection of passing interests including the car he's working on and on the other side you have precision organised charles's expanse of every kind of tool you can imagine. hand tools power tools different kinds of wood organized by tree and then grain

he might be a little in love with the customer service guy at the tool shop who is similarly awkward and accidentally blunt with a flat sense of humor. no small talk. just 'this is my project' 'you will need this. this is the brand we're meant to promote but this is just as effective with more attachments and it's cheaper' 'thank you' 'it's literally my job'. sometimes they go to each others workshops to show off their projects he is charles 'doesn't drain my social battery' friend

charles' job title is just 'decent guy with a truck' every construction company in the local area has his number and will send him a text asking him to help out on a job or if they can borrow some obscure power tool only charles smith would have. it suits charles really well because it means he can just turn off his phone and go on a spontaneous three week hunting trip with arthur and isaac without needing to communicate with anyone. people know if you don't hear back within 15 minutes he's turned off his phone and you will hear from him when he gets back from whatever adventure he's gone on with his family find someone else to do the job

for a lot of the gang they almost have to get to know charles again like he became a lot more comfortable with himself as a person between 1899 and 1907 the first time he cracks jokes or acts downright silly they almost don't recognize him. like yass charles be happy.

admittedly he is the guy they call to help build furniture charles doesn't follow ikea instructions he just rocks up with a drill and assembles it the way that makes sense

eliza and charles are besties and arthur lives in constant fear. they go out for coffee and gossip about whatever the latest antic is. she talks to charles honestly more than arthur and takes charles to functions when she needs a plus one because they are both just wallflowers who talk shit about everyone else quietly. isaac sitting patiently in the principal's office having gotten in trouble for something stupid with the most passive aggressive slight smile on his face as he hears charles and eliza pull up (arthur got banned for threatening the principal)

i may need to part 2 this for dutch

[storiesofaot]

Heyyy i saw you take requests. Just dropping by

How about Levi 'loser in love' Ackerman is finally dating Hange Zoe and he just goes crazy everytime Hange does something for him. Let's say Furlan and Isabel never died, both of them including Erwin and Mike point out that he is dating her but he's pretending like a teen in love for the first time.

Hi anon! This was such a fun request, thank you so much - I really, really hope it’s what you had in mind, and that you’re happy with how it turned out 🤭

Rating: T; Word Count: 1859 Title: It’s Alright To Be In Love

“Bro, you're head over heels!” Isabel nudged him with her shoulder as Levi, once again, couldn’t quite manage to peel his eyes off Hange who had just walked past them. It was definitely getting out of hand, the number of times he caught himself staring at her. But he couldn’t help it; somehow, she always ended up at the centre of his attention. 

“I am not … whatever shit you just said,” Levi retorted and scowled, looking down at his plate with a sullen expression.

“Oh, you were definitely staring when she handed you your fork!” Furlan chimed in and laughed out loud as Levi punished him with a cold glare.

“Why don't you two mind your own damn business instead of sticking your noses into things that don’t concern you?” Levi practically impaled the vegetables onto his fork with a rough jab, desperately trying to hide his embarrassment.

“Aww, our Levi’s got a crush.” Isabel crowed, a big smile on her lips. “That’s so cute!”

“And he’s being so awkward about it; it’s so funny to watch.” Furlan added with a grin, playfully elbowing his shorter friend. 

Levi endured his friends’ teasing for exactly one more minute before grabbing his plate and practically storming out of the dining hall. It annoyed him that they seemed to know he had feelings for Hange. He had been convinced that he hadn’t given anything away, but apparently, he hadn’t been as subtle as he had thought. 

It had all happened so quickly and unexpectedly - in the beginning, he had barely been able to stand her. But somehow, she had managed to sneak into his heart, and what started as friendly camaraderie morphed into friendship, and eventually turned into a full-blown crush. It took him almost a year, though, to come to notice that she might feel the same way, and even then he didn't dare make the first step. For not even in his wildest dreams could he believe that she would actually like someone like him.

But it was true, and after overcoming a few hurdles, Hange made the first step and they finally shared their first kiss. It was better than Levi could have ever imagined, and he started to enjoy this newfound sense of intimacy he shared with her. The only downside, however, was that it made him act like a complete idiot.

If he had been obvious before, he was now downright transparent when it came to his feelings towards her. Whenever she was around, his eyes immediately were on her, and he forgot everything and everyone else. When she smiled at him, his heart raced. If she accidentally brushed his arm, his hands became sweaty. And when she merely said his name, he began to stutter. It was terribly infuriating, and he knew he was making a fool of himself. He did his best to remain in control, to gain the upper hand of his emotions - but it seemed that he was helplessly at their mercy. 

“This is almost bordering on ridiculous,” Mike said one afternoon, when they were all training together in front of the barracks and Levi had just made an idiot of himself again. “Who would have thought it would be a relationship that brings humanity’s strongest soldier to his knees?”

“Come on, leave him alone. He’s just in love, and relationships can be scary, especially at the beginning,” Nanaba said, defending Levi and giving him a compassionate pat on the back.

“I’m not in love!” Levi growled, turning away from the two and busily inspecting his swords. “Stop making such a fuss and mind your own fucking business.”

It probably wasn’t fair that he still couldn’t admit it out loud. He assumed that all of their friends already knew about the relationship between Hange and him. More than once, he had bumped into one of them late at night while on his way to Hange’s room. And his half-hearted excuses for why he was lingering in the hallway at that hour hadn’t been very convincing, given the knowing looks he received each time. He also assumed that Hange had been caught as well, so it wasn’t exactly a secret anymore.

Nonetheless, Levi knew that he was unable to express his emotions out loud, especially when it came to something like love. He downright hated it, for he felt like an uptight teenager and also didn’t want to hurt Hange’s feelings - but he couldn’t help it, it was part of who he was. Fortunately, though, it didn’t seem to bother her too much, and she simply accepted it. He knew he probably didn’t deserve her understanding, but for some inexplicable reason, she was willing to give it to him. 

And so they continued their more or less secret relationship, meeting as often as they could, mostly at night or during spare moments between training. Levi hoped fervently that his flusteredness would fade with time and that he would grow accustomed to the new feelings that came with being in love. But luck was not on his side, and even though he eventually managed to form coherent sentences in her presence, the tips of his ears always turned a deep red.

After yet another spectacle at training - he had been racing against Mike, but Hange cheering him on sent him crashing into the leaves instead of landing on the branch - he was, of course, summoned to Erwin’s office. 

“There is no rule that says relationships between soldiers are prohibited, you know?” the commander said, addressing the shorter man who was seated in front of him, hunched over as if trying to disappear into the chair. “Both Hange and you have been through a lot, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t pleased to see that you seem to enjoy each other's company.”

“Wonderful,” Levi growled, but he still couldn’t quite meet the other man’s eyes. The way everyone was constantly pointing out his and Hange’s relationship made things even worse, and he felt like everyone was just waiting for him to screw up.

“But you’re giving your emotions too much power over you," Erwin continued. “It’s important to balance them with your responsibilities. Don't try to suppress or fight them; instead, accept them as part of who you are. This way, they’ll have less impact on your performance in the field.”

Levi finally looked up, perking up an eyebrow. “What, are you too now trying to be a fucking expert on my personal life?”

Erwin chuckled and, leaning back in his chair, crossed his legs. “I’m just trying to be your friend, Levi. But I understand, I don’t mean to intrude into your affairs. Just … think about what I just said, yes?” Levi only grumbled in response and, to his relief, was dismissed.

Accept your feelings as a part of who you are. And how the hell was he supposed to do that? With a sigh, he walked across the hallway, on his way back to the sleeping quarters. But as he turned the corner, he nearly bumped into someone. 

Apparently, Hange had been waiting for him and smiled when he murmured a quiet and embarrassed apology. “So … what are you doing tonight?” she asked casually. 

Excitement bubbled up inside him, and he swallowed hard before answering. “Nothing.” Great response, how inviting!

“Me neither,” she said, and then, after a moment’s hesitation, added: “Do you wanna come to town with me?”

Levi didn’t even have to think twice about it. Although it might come off as too eager, he immediately nodded and blurted out, “Yes.”

The smile Hange gave him in return made his heart flutter, and for some reason it didn’t stop - not even when they set off together. His thoughts were racing as he wondered if this had been her way of asking him out. The idea of possibly going on a date suddenly made him jittery, and he nearly tripped over his own feet. But then, he recalled what Erwin had said to him, about accepting his feelings rather than freaking out over them.

So he took a deep breath and checked in with himself. Yes, he was feeling very nervous and anxious; his heart was racing and his mouth was dry. But he hadn’t passed out yet, so he was still good. She might be able to sense his nervousness, but he assumed that she wouldn’t be there with him if it bothered her. So he would try not to let it bother him either.

Feeling a little calmer, he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. To his surprise, he noticed how she was nervously playing with her fingers. All the time, he had been so preoccupied with his own feelings that it hadn’t even crossed his mind that Hange might be just as nervous as he was. But now it was obvious to him: the way she swallowed when she noticed his gaze, how her eyes flicked towards him, away and then back to him again, and how she dug her nails into the hem of her jacket - he simply hadn’t noticed it before.

His next action was rather impulsive than well-thought out, but he still went ahead with it. He extended his hand - perhaps a bit too abruptly, as she flinched slightly - and then, more gently, reached out for her hand. He could clearly feel her freeze under his touch, but she didn't pull away, which he took as a good sign. Carefully, he wrapped his fingers around her hand and ran his thumb over her knuckles in what he hoped was a soothing, reassuring gesture. 

For a few heartbeats, they stood there, side by side, neither daring to look at the other, and Levi almost regretted having initiated what probably counted as a public display of affection. But then he felt her hand shift, and to his surprise, she slowly interlaced her fingers with his. 

He was amazed at how perfectly her fingers slid into the spaces between his, like two pieces meant to fit together, and he couldn’t help but stare at their joined hands, wearing what was probably the sappiest expression imaginable. When he looked up again, Hange met his gaze almost bashfully, a soft pink flush on her cheeks. “Let’s go,” she whispered, and Levi, once again at a loss for words, allowed her to pull him with her. 

They walked through the hallways and passed the dining room, which was very crowded at this time of the evening. As they went, they also walked by familiar faces, who greeted their joined hands with amused ‘Oohs’ and playful snickering. But at no moment did she let go of his hand - and nor did he. 

Yes, his ears had grown hot with embarrassment again, and there was a strange flutter in his stomach. But as he looked at Hange walking in front of him, her ponytail swinging with each step, her crinkled eyes and dopey smile (which was probably matching his own), he decided that he was fine. He was okay with what he was feeling and wouldn’t want to change it for anything in the world.

[im-a-simp898]

Today i fucked up by accidentally breaking a banana inside my anus.

I refer to myself as an anal connoisseur, a man with refined taste when it comes to inserting common households items inside my anus. Being the sexually deprived virgin that I am, I was feeling extraordinary horny today for some unknown reason. Not to fear however, my mom had a doctor's appointment and was meant to be gone for a few hours. Perfect, I thought to myself.

When I heard the door shut when she left, it became prime time to begin my analizing ritual. As I took to locking my door, while my purple penis tensed, aware of what was to come next. I open my closet, and in full display were my dildos, anal beads, plugs, and other items very familiar to my anus as its best friends. It was an almost perfect sight, with my varying sizes of dragon dildos analogous to a museum collection. I lubricate the smallest one, sticking to the floor and letting it acquaint itself with my butt hole. I eventually make my way to the biggest one, a green monster teasing my purple penis, which I stroked vigorously to avoid making it feel left out. The green dragon dildo makes me wonderfully orgasm all over my body, but I was not completely satisfied.

Horrified, I realize that this is the first time my little (hehe) dragons have failed to completely fill my hole of sexual desire. I proceed to perform some analysis. I find that my gaping, red (more of a maroon color) anus is able to perfectly fit two fingers from my big hands. Here come the household items. I unlock my door and run out to fulfill my self given quest of the ultimate orgasm, remembering to insert an anal plug before I begin my adventure. As I venture out fully nude, with my cum glistening on my hairy body like stars in the night sky, and my anal plug filling in my figurative (and literal) emptiness for sexual desire, I limp around my mom's apartment and pick up a broom stick, a cucumber and a banana. Yes, a banana (we were low on groceries unfortunately).

I return to my room and close the door, ready to abuse my purple homie once more while my gaping asshole prepares itself for another round of torture. The broom, while small, was a fresh new experience, while the cucumber provided the necessary nutrients and vitamins my anus needed to function. Veggies are healthy for a reason. Saving the best for last, with my purple erect friend nearly ready to bless me once more, I peel the unbeknownst yellow victim, and carefully insert it into my gaping red anus, with the white fruit in stark contrast to my dark sexual desires. I stroke my purple dick and unleash a vicious load of cum, once again gracing my nude, hairy chest. However, my experience was promptly ruined by the arrival of my mom's boyfriend.

Turns out I forgot to lock my door the second time. He came into my room unannounced; surprised and scared, I removed the banana from my anus in an awkward position, however, it was too late. My butt muscles contracted with shock, and the banana broke before it came fully out, and was stuck in there for the time being. My mom's bf apologized and rushed out of my room as quick as he could, while I, the cum painting, had a banana stuck in my anus. Long story short, the next few shits I took were incredibly painful. I had tried pliers, but they only injured my already hurt and abused anus, and it started bleeding. I crushed the banana by squeezing my gluts together, and then washed it out with a lot of water. Needless to say, I learned a valuable lesson from my round of analytics: to never insert a feeble material that can't handle my anal pressure ever again.

TL;DR: Inserted a banana inside my anus while pleasuring myself which broke when I was surprised by my mom's boyfriend.

poor guy ^ he dont know whats awaiting him

[pastlight]

3 12 13 25 for Zyn!

thank u!! :D

for those unaware, Zynnia is my witchsona tho now they're more of their own character.

3. What genre would your OC do badly in but it would be hilarious or interesting to watch?

idk why the first thought that came into my mind was Romantic Comedy. i mean they did have a sort of an awkward first meeting with their.. partner? their relationship with Eatos is kinda undefined. trying to reframe "some weird person coming to the cabin you're squatting at after recently becoming possessed, telling you to get out of their property, and making you have horrible visions with their magic stick" as a meet cute would be hilarious. doubly so if you make both their spirits act as matchmakers.

12. What animal would your OC have as their His Dark Materials daemon?

ohhhh inch resting question, since they do have a familiar! originally it was a pardine genet cause I just really liked how they looked, but it didn't make much sense thematically. afterwards I retconned it to be my former cat with the colors invented.

but i dont think that would make a fitting daemon? honestly i'd love to just make it a red panda, to match my witchsona with my fursona. apparently one exists in the show? i might have to check it out 👀

13. What Pokémon would be on your OC’s team and/or what would be their preferred type?

not sure if you did this on purpose but i love that you asked this question for the only character of the ones i mentioned that ISN'T from the pokemon world. i did pick two pokemon for Eatos forever ago but never for Zyn.

let's see….

• Absol would be a good partner, it senses danger and knows when catastrophes are about to happen, could be like a service dog and warn them when they're getting too stressed.

• Sawsbuck! something grass for their family and also antlers!

• did you know Gardevoir can apparently create small black holes, according to the Pokedex? yeah totally Zyn's shit. it being very protective of its trainer would be cute too.

• maybe Espurr as a stand in for their familiar? and also the whole "accidentally unleashes a huge destructive bursts of energy", they would get each other.

• Minior because stars…. maybe a shiny one…

• aaand Spiritomb. spirits kept contained into a stone is pretty fitting.

honorable mention to Cosmog. i really don't like giving legendary pokemon in these things but GOSH it would fit so perfectly, specialty considering how powerful the space spirit possessing Zyn is…

25. What would be your OC’s My Little Pony cutie mark?

man having a regular zinnia would be pretty funny, but i guess it defeats the purpose since the whole point is they tried to summon the spirit cause they sucked at plant magic.

uhhh maybe just a black hole, stylized like the one from Interstellar. and they got it when they got possessed, but they try to hide it or pretend it's smth else.

actually i thought it would be fun to give a shot designing them quickly

fucked up horse

[stargazeraldroth]

You can’t hear it but I let out the most disgusted sound at the thought of… Eugh. MATH. Just the thought leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Anyways, nothing wrong with laziness! It’s good to take some time to yourself to relax and decompress, if you need to- And hell, sometimes the executive dysfunction just gets to you. I know it gets to me.

Error sees Ink having a good time and decides that it can’t fucking stand while he’s around to Cause Problems and Wreck Shit. It’s definitely angst central for Ink either way, though- Never even got to confess, the poor guy. And hey, don’t we all need a little bit of therapy?

As you should have! Gin is a soft boy and a good guy, and I, for one, think even his visual chemistry alone with Ink is incredible… I love the two of them a lot, haha.

Mutually supportive Cross and Ink is my everything… I imagine that it really hit them that they’re healing from everything once Ink lends Cross his scarf (which is deeply important to him, what with all the things he’s written on it), or maybe even Broomie, and Cross let’s him wear his coat or his scarf and bundles him up like a lil burrito. Just. Soft Oreo bros owns my heeeaaart-

Oh, he definitely won’t be the best- Glitchy boy is awkward at best and wildly unqualified to provide comfort in this scenario at worst- But I’d like to think he gets an A for effort or something, you know? Even if he. Uh. Accidentally upsets Ink with Blue and Dream puppets.

Corrupted or Fallen Stars can be great… In theory. But sooo often they’re just flipped with the Bad Sans, and! That can be a fun idea in and off itself, if it’s in the concept of something that it blatantly a roleswap AU! But it normally isn’t, and it just ends up grating on me- Hell, off the top of my head, I can tell you semi-passable reasons for Secretly Evil Stars would be leaning so hard into positivity it becomes addiction and delusion (Dream), being tired of having his emotions invalidated and giving people the “real him” they apparently want (Ink), and being tired of being underestimated and desperate to stay with some of the only people who seem to take him seriously (Blue). That! Is literally just, I came up with it in five seconds! People don’t even give them the dignity of that, though, it’s just “They’re evil and my poor misunderstood murder babies are angels.” But like you said! How are they secretly misunderstood angels! If you’re going with “oh, they don’t WANT to hurt people,” why are they doing it- They aren’t necessary for the Balance, like you said. Is Nightmare forcing them so he can cause negativity? Is Error? Is something else going on??. And that’s not even getting into how all of that would wildly unbalance another set of Guardians- Reaper and Life. The excess death is their problem, now, the Bad Sans certainly ain’t sticking around to deal with the aftermath! Am I too passionate about this? Mayhaps. Shall I stop? Absolutely not.

And yeah, you’re definitely right about that- Outside pressure isn’t guaranteed to justify mass murder to the people you’ve affected with it. People have still lost their homes, and their loved ones, and so many other things- Why, exactly, does the alleged agony of being “forced” to do awful things negate the pain of the victims of those things? It doesn’t make sense at best, and it feels callous at worst. It feels… Really, really shoehorned in, for lack of a better term, just to make the “misunderstood favs” loved and adored by the masses, if that makes sense.

No issue with the ranting here! I quite agree with you, after all. And as for Ink… Well, it just makes sense! Like you said, he adores the Multiverse, so him writing off or ignoring something so, so vital for its survival just… Doesn’t make sense? Like, if you really don’t want him to know, it should be for angsty purposes- Fate, shielding his eyes and ears from it, completely cutting off anyone trying to tell him. Can you imagine how horrible to would feel, once someone was finally able to tell him? That would be a much better story arc, in my opinion- Someone prevents the Protector from doing what he’s dedicated his existence to, and the realization and healing that stems from that as they all work together to heal the Balance… Oh, and also- I see so many people calling him “Fate’s Favorite,” which, like. People. People know being the favorite of an abuser isn’t really a good thing, right? Even if there isn’t physical abuse, being the favorite can lead to some horrific things… Ahem. Moving on from my own rant- Yeah, Error definitely seems the most likely to not know or ignore the Balance, I think. Like you said, ignoring it even benefits him!

Hhh if you’re sure I’ll send a separate ask!!! Might take a bit, since I’ll have to write it all out… I should probably come up with a name, too. Just call me… Rainy Anon! Or Rain, heh.

Let’s be real, saving the brush is what Ink would want. And besides, if we save the brush, maybe we can use it to save Ink! Provided he hasn’t. You know. Gone insane from isolation and emotional overload. God only knows what having the emotional consequences of his entire existence hitting him at once would feel like. Quite frankly, I’m… Not sure he’d be able to process it. And would he even be Ink, once he got out? Would he start thinking it was all a dream he made up to comfort himself in an unfinished world???

I mean, to be fair, it could be seen as a response to everything in the AU. Ink is running, and the other Stars don’t know why!

He gives some much needed snark and sarcasm to some rather bleak situations. Also, he’d definitely be the sort to sarcastically narrate his brother’s fuckups.

🌧️ Rainy Anon 🌧️

AM HERE!

I believe I based his character off the mask I've seen him with, but I also kinda did it from memory?? Anyway, I made him "Kitsune Udon". He and Ink do have a connection, uh- they were like best friends until Ink got kidnapped/abducted LMFAO

If you wanna take the full Oreo bros into consideration, then we need to bring Reaper into the mix. I'm honestly kinda surprised no one talks about him in an Underverse setting. Being the God of Death means nothing to people these days smh. From X-Tale's destruction to Error committing a massacre against the AUs, Reaper's probably working overtime. He's definitely pissed about the situation. I think he would be interested in investigating the situation, which can then lead to him finding out about everything.

Error's trying! If anyone says anything about it, he gets defensive and says that they should be grateful he's doing anything for Ink in the first place! How ungrateful of them!

I remember once reading about how if we were to be realistic with the characters, Dream most likely wouldn't be as optimistic and friendly as he canonically is. But you're right, it's hardly ever as simple as being a roleswap AU; if anything, a personality swap AU might be more fitting of a description. I really don't mean to nitpick people's writing and stuff like this, I try to more encouraging when I can be, but these are things we need to consider when we want to make a story like this. Yes, characters who are evil and don't have the reason revealed CAN be interesting... but this isn't one of those cases, I don't think. I think I especially hate how they always make Ink the primarily evil one, the "root of it all", and the reason for it? He's soulless. Like... is that really the best you can do? You can use many reasons to make Ink the villain of the story if you really want to, and you target a condition he has? A condition he has no control over? Erm... kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I vaguely remember seeing some posts that discussed this exact thing, and how using his soullessness as a source of evil for his character has tones of ableism. I only vaguely remember because I glossed over the posts, didn't feel like reading at the time, so I could be getting that wrong. If anyone has read posts like that and wants to give their opinion, feel free to do so.

And you're right about that- I NEVER, EVER see any of these stories address Life and Reaper's roles in the Balance. They're easily getting the most screwed over in this situation because the Gang's causing unnecessary death with their murder sprees, which is tipping the Balance... which is what they're against the Stars for??? They only focus on Error and/or Nightmare for some reason... stop leaving my Circle of Life babies out of stuff-

It's because even though they preach about how negativity is essential to the Multiverse and "Dream needs to understand that", they don't actually WANT negativity there. For example, they always question why Ink allows negative AUs or AUs with tragic stories to exist, such as Horrortale. Aside from the fact that Ink has zero control over what AUs are made, those AUs are basically counters to positivity-oriented AUs such as Haventale. They preach about how negativity has just as much of a right to exist freely... and then condemn its existence in ways they don't like. The thing is, Horrortale and Dusttale happened as a consequence of events; the CORE shutting down led to the disastrous conditions in the Underground, the constant RESETs and Genocides led Sans to become Dust, etc. These are all examples of NATURAL negativity and how life works; it isn't meant to be pretty. And if you think about it, isn't this exactly how they make Dream think in these stories? Negative AUs shouldn't exist. BUT WAIT! Dream's in the wrong, don't forget that! Just ignore the fact that the Gang antagonizes Ink for the existence of these AUs! Dream's the bad guy, the Gang has no faults! And you wanna know the most fucked up part about expecting everyone to forgive Error and the Gang? The ones who don't are frowned upon and treated as unreasonable, in my experience. Which makes zero sense??? It's like being asked to forgive someone who murdered your best friend, family, and/or pet because they were forced to... like that doesn't change anything??? Like maybe you'll get some pity, but you sure as hell aren't getting forgiveness anytime soon!

Ngl I keep forgetting Fate and Destiny are in these AUs because I don't use them. I don't really like the concept of them, I just stick with the Creators... they pretty much have the same role. But that one's just a personal preference, it doesn't really change much about the contents of the story. And you are absolutely right, being an abuser's "favorite" isn't a good thing. That mindset is concerning. That's like saying it's a good thing to be a groomer's "favorite", like... no it isn't. Oh, but by their logic, it's okay because it's Ink! Any possible negatives of being Fate's favorite are ignored because Ink just can't be a sympathic, dimensional character! Nope, nope, nope! He's evil, through and through, and anyone who tries to look deeper than the surface is blind and being manipulated by him! Like... did the Gang hire y'all to spew this propaganda? This feels like propaganda. This reminds me of something I saw where someone listed what Sans AUs are green flags, and they put Error there. Like... do y'all know anything about Error's character? This is the genuine question.

I'm so sorry if I sound kinda bitchy in this rant, but I just can't find the logic. I try not to nitpick at individual writing styles, but literally everything I have read that deals with FGOD and this roleswap dynamic has been one-dimensional and lacked depth. Again, that probably sounds ignorant, and I don't mean for it to, but the sheer amount of "Gang good, Stars bad" and nothing more has essentially ruined the entire concept for me. This is probably why I prefer FGOC, because the characters at least have some depth beneath the surface. Dream is like one of the nicest and most compassionate characters in canon, why you gotta vandalize him like this?

Alright! You shall be the Rainy Anon!

Long live Broomie! The worst part about Ink's situation is that he's surrounded by people who are... blank. Just like when he doesn't have his vials. And he hates when he gets like that. He's probably overthinking and everything. Love that for him, you know?

Nightmare's absolutely RELISHING in the negativity! It's just so, so good! And it's even better because Dream- goody-two-shoes, wouldn't-hurt-a-fly Dream- is the one who caused it. I can picture Nightmare laughing evilly and kicking his feet while stuff goes down.

[pensight]

since i have been on top surgery meds my dreams have been getting really cool and vivid, every time i even nap another one comes along so gonna write em down

the group of justice people that wears all leather that i for some reason trusted, assigned me with a task of figuring out the local drug lord in the area and execute him. They supplied me with a little balloon of silly putty.

This was no ordinary silly putty, though. The balloon cracked open and the highlighter yellow silly putty oozed out, before taking the rough shape of a scraggly kitten, still bright highlighter yellow with no color variations. They explained that this silly putty had tiny nanobots that were the hivemind of a tiny kitten they found on the side of the road.

For some reason this putty was intelligent enough to understand me and it could be commanded or trained to take different shapes. It was also a little scrunkly guy that wanted attention and affection but could not be killed because it was silly putty.

(Much better than my usual anxiety dreams where i am entrusted with an itty bitty cute soft very fragile creature and get distracted right away and the creature gets into perilous situations or i accidentally squish it somehow while i was trying my hardest to be careful)

this dream had a b plot and a c plot, b plot was that my family and i won a sweepstakes to get to watch up close how a movie gets made and we get to hang out with the actors and stuff. The main actor guy happened to look a lot like Jason GoodPlace, and we were becoming best buds because i was nailing all the conversations and he was cool about me being awkward.

I am always shocked when someone thinks i am cool right away, and that added a x2 bonus to the starstruck disease i get around famous people

(i hate the idea of being a fan of someone who is just trying to go about their day, and in my mind fan engagement = working in a celebrity’s pov, so i dont want to force someone to work on their time off and therefore a part of me wishes to either flee as soon as i can or pretend i dont know they’re famous [but then i am a lying liar who lies and that will take juggling the fiction i have made in the back of my mind] but this guy was someone i hadn’t watched anything in, i just Knew he was famous because he was in a starring role in a movie production; it was a very impostor syndrome feeling thing to just be in anyone’s presence because i felt like i didn’t wanna understate the work they might’ve done to get there but also if i were them i wouldn’t want to be put on a pedestal. i have another shpiel about how celebrities arent even really hot shit and do not deserve special treatment anyway [born into it often or born with the means of going through the training often and besides they live in a whole different society from me with different priorities that can restrict their knowledge of certain things. i cite george bush sr. not knowing about lazer scanning cash registers for several years as an example] but i need to remember this dream before it leaves me.)

Jason was chill, is the main point. His mom was Not chill. She had really cool shoes, though. Very special silk looking sandals with floral decor on them, that were the bright teal you saw on 70s refrigerators. I never saw them on anyone else. I couldn’t see anyone’s faces when i first encountered The Drug Lord, but one of the people in his entourage had her shoes. I didn’t jump to conclusions yet, but i ordered the silly putty kitten to injure the Shoes person’s feet or fuck with the sandals in some way. Kitty turned into a knife and stabbed through the sole of the shoe so Shoes escaped into a limo with their bleeding foot/sandal sticking out the window?

So the next time i saw Jason’s mom her foot was wrapped in bandages and wasn’t wearing her special shoes. Ah-ha!, I thought, I am closing in on The Drug Lord.

C plot was that my grandmother was also Getting Into Antics on the movie set, figuring stuff out so she could do it herself once we got back home. Giving advice to the electrical people and the set design people that kinda made it where the place didn’t run into as many difficulties. She was also trying to be friends with Jason’s Mom. We were Poors and that made Jason’s Mom very put off. She left for Pizza. I didn’t know if I should tell jason that his mom is in league with a dangerous murdering Drug Lord.

Never managed to do it before i found a business card for the Drug Lord, it was so stupid just ‘Drug Lord’ and his main business place address. A friend of mine worked in a pizza place that didn’t have their address number in front of it and it only occurred to me to show him the business card. “Oh my God. That’s where I work!” He was so shocked and afraid that the Drug Lord had been working under his floors the whole time. 

Anyway they got wrangled by the Justice Organization but I was also brought in under suspicion, so I had to work fast. 

I told Kitty to flatten itself through the cracks under the door, go up Drug Lord’s pants leg, and go up his butt to release shreds of glass in the most dangerous places Kitty could, in order to carry out the execution. 

It was like the Drug Lord had been poisoned in Skyrim? And the Justice Organization let me out because I’d killed The Drug Lord. Kitty got washed and returned to me and we have always been best friends ever since. Kitty hated fireworks though. And never could grow any bigger. Sometimes you accidentally stepped on Kitty and they turned into just flattened sillyputty with a shoeprint on them for like 10 minutes before they limp back to you and they are fine after they get pettings and sorries. 

after the conclusion of that i woke up in the middle of the night to go piss so that was that one done. sure there are some loose ends but it was a dream.

[ginathethundergoddess]

God I missed Tobey spiderman.

[teecupangel]

I shall blame a particularly good story on this one, but - I shall toss another time travel!Deamond at you. Except this time it's nowhere Desmond was before, as he lands smack bang in Valhalla setting. Say, shortly before Sigurd returns. And let's assume that the campfire scenes are Basim's actual character. How does Desmond fare, and whom does he stick to?

I'm getting Skyrim intro vibes of Desmond just waking up with Eivor going:

Annnnyyywaaaayyy

So they got captured by Kjotve (Eivor tells him that they saw him already chained and unconscious when they got there) and the prologue happens but with Desmond helping Eivor beat them up (they still get away because Eivor's beaten up and Desmond... shit... it's too cold, a hoodie and jeans are not good for this)

After the battle, Eivor tells him he's a strange man but they believe that Desmond is a strong fighter and will be happy to welcome him to their clan (they'll even vouch for him to their jarl) and Desmond, having no other leads because his knowledge of history is only as far as what his bleed pushes into his brain and whatever conpiracy-ridden history rants Shaun gives him agrees to join them (for now, until he knows where/when the fuck he is)

So he's getting acquainted with Eivor's people (and changed to more suitable clothes because holy shit it's cold) and is in a very competitive match of Orlog (Connor's competitive side for board games on the forefront, being fueled by Altaïr and Ezio's general competitive personalities) when Sigurd returns with his 'guests'.

Desmond immediately goes "Assassins! FINALLY!" when he sees Basim and Hytham, but stays in the shadows because "good Assassins? Abbas-bad Assassins? Al Mualim-bad Assassins? Let's be sure first."

But he gets dragged into the celebrations and Eivor finds him in the shadows so they talk to him (maybe even suggest a drinking contest?) and that's where Sigurd finds them. The cutscene happens as it does with Desmond next to Eivor being awkward and thinking (Should I just slip away? Would it count as rude if I slip away?)

Sigurd gestures Basim and Hytham (Desmond really really has a hard time getting used to that name because Haytham Kenway) to come over and Eivor receives Sigurd's gift of the hidden blade and recognizes it as similar to Desmond's so they look at him as they say "How curious, Desmond-"

Desmond's like big doe eyeing Eivor and mentally telling Eivor nope don't tell them about my obviously more advanced hidden blade sssshhhhh

And Eivor's improvised it to "might be interested in seeing this? He is like Sýnin taken human form!"

And Desmond doesn't like being called a magpie (hey, it's not his fault his Eagle Vision just started pinging every chest as gold and he's like "might be important to my situation? oh, just actual gold... (disappointed face)") but it was better than being outed by unknown possible Assassins (the hoods were a dead giveaway) so he looks at Eivor's hidden blade and is like...

.........

Holy shit.

He recognizes it.

It's the same as the ones the Assassins in Alamut used. The hidden blades said to have been used by those before them that even Al Mualim thought were 'these are centuries old, nope, we'll make our own, thanks.' and Desmond realizes.

He's been thrown further than any time period he's familiar with.

Fuck.

As his brain's going 'ohgodshitwhatdoidoknowfuckfuckfuckaltaïryoubetterhavememoriesofreadingthistimeperiodbecauseohmygod', Eivor straps it the way they do and Desmond accidentally cut Basim off by telling Eivor they have strapped it the wrong way.

Oh shit. Basim and Hytham are now looking at him and he's like...

"I mean... look at how they wear it, right?" Desmond awkwardly points at Hytham's left arm 'cause Basim has his hands behind him and he hopes it freaking works.

Eivor, bless them, takes over and says that they're also missing a finger and the cutscene goes like Valhalla.

Things happen, Desmond gets recruited to join Eivor and their fight, he sees Hytham getting thrashed 'cause of that jump assassination (and his bleed of Altaïr telling him what Hytham did wrong, his improper posture, his... god, stop it, obviously the dude's new at this, give him some slack) and the entire time Basim is observing him. He could feel Basim's eyes on him.

And it's making him jittery because there's something about Basim.

Something about him that just screams at Desmond to pay attention, to not let his guard down...

To kill Basim.

And he doesn't know what it is and, from the way Basim interacts with everyone (even Desmond), he doesn't seem to be a bad dude.

So he stays away and observes Basim as well.

The same things happens as is Valhalla.

They reach England, they set up Ravensthorpe.

Basim goes with Sigurd.

And Desmond stays with Eivor because ain't no way he's gonna travel to unknown places with a dude he doesn't know that well (Sigurd) and someone that makes him want to kill him (Basim).

He stick with Eivor.

And more specifically...

With Hytham.

Because Hytham reminds him of Kadar.

Of Darim and Sef.

Of every recruit that Ezio has taken under his wing.

The plot of AC Valhalla happens but, this time, Desmond takes over the whole Hidden One subplot (with Eivor joining the story mandatory targets) and he becomes close to Hytham.

To Eivor.

To everyone in Ravensthorpe.

He's the strange man that's not Dane, Norse, or English.

And that makes him everyone's friend.

Eivor becomes the pseudo-jarl in Sigurd's absence, Randvi stays as their second-in-command and Desmond...

Desmond sorta becomes like a freelancer of sorts that helps out anyone who needs it (priority goes to Hytham though) and his suggestions and comments are taken seriously, even by Eivor and Randvi.

(Annnndd that's as far as I got)

Some 'unorganized' notes I thought of:

Desmond's body is reacting to Basim being completely assimilated with Loki (it's like a defense mechanism because of the trauma he sustained thanks to Juno... and technically Minerva)

This does mean he starts getting the same 'allergic reaction' the more Sigurd becomes unhinged with Tyr's memories

Hytham knows Desmond has a hidden blade but says nothing about it (he reports it to the council though and their leading 'idea' is Desmond is from a different branch, perhaps somewhere in Europe, or may actually be a child of an Assassin who trained him but didn't have the chance to induct him to the Brotherhood)

Vinland... oooohhh booyy. Vinland's entire subplot's gonna change because Desmond can understand them. There will be a scene where Desmond will look at the Grand Temple and wonder why he got sent to this time period. Is it this? Is it because of the Grand Temple? Desmond will also debate with himself if he should destroy the crystal ball. If keeping Juno from influencing Connor would be the right thing to do, even if it means that Connor won't be able to help the Revolution and maybe he'll even become a victim instead once shit hits the fan.

Those 'potions' Valka gives don't make Desmond see 'Valhalla', instead, it works as a pseudo-Animus that lets him relive his ancestors' memories (maybe even make him relive a certain pirate's memories too? hhhhmmm)

Personally, I think Desmond would side with Eivor until the end and will even help him take down Basim but he'll understand Basim's lust for revenge. It's not that different from Ezio's thirst for vengeance against the Templars and the Borgias or Connor's hunt for Charles Lee after all BUT Desmond draws the line in Basim trying to kill the reincarnation of Odin, especially when it's clear that Basim is driven to vengeance by Loki's memories while Eivor doesn't even have any of Odin's memories anyway.

(I like the ending of Desmond actually getting into the simulation and that this whole thing was for Layla to give the staff to Desmond so he can be 'reborn'... but I wanna keep Layla alive so no 'oh this will kill you in seconds if you let go of the staff' because, bad ubisoft, bad)

[rarepears]

Shen Yuan X OG!Shang Qinghua except OG!Shang Qinghua is also Airplane

OKAY I HAVE A WACK CUMPLANE IDEA!

Hear me out:

Shen Yuan transmigrates into PIDW as Shen Qingqiu. He's not sure when, why or how, but somehow he ends up falling in love with OG!Shang Qinghua. (Maybe it's seeing just how competent Shang Qinghua is? And how hard-working and self-deprecating he is while simultaneously being a genius - because Shang Qinghua is indeed brilliant, just less obviously a genius compared to the flashy Liu Qingge or loud Qi Qingqi - and shit, Shen Yuan never realized that logistics was so freaking complicated? Anyways, so OG!Shang Qinghua's personality all appeals to his basic millennial humor, sue him. Even the whole being a two-faced spy working for personal gain like an instagrammer, unfortunately.) So... Shen Yuan, as Shen Qingqiu, might have... gotten married to Shang Qinghua. And uh, all that wedding wine actually got him drunk for the first time in his two lives. He... might have accidentally let slipped to OG!Shang Qinghua about the whole PIDW plot situation. Er... that's awkward. BUT NOTHING SEEMS TO HAVE CHANGED. For better or for worse. And by which he means that he gets the stick ending. GEEZE THANKS. If only he had something like...a system! Yes! A system to guide him out of this bad ending. Or so Shen Yuan thinks as he dies in Luo Binghe's dungeon. He can't wait to be reunited with his husband in the next life.

OG!Shang Qinghua gets reborn to an interesting new world. For whatever reason, Meng Po ran out of soup, so while he grows up in this so called "Modern China", he still retains all his memories of being the An Ding Peak Lord, of knowing that his husband, a "transmigrator" as his husband called it, was unable to change the fate of his body, of being murdered by the demon he was forced to spy for... But no matter. He has a new life and a new fate. Shang Qinghua tries to move on... And finds that he can't. Because on Forbes, he sees the Shen Family displayed on the front cover and recalling everything that his husband whispered to him at night about his old family... he has a faint hope that Shen Yuan is also here in this world, that this is the world where Shen Yuan comes from. But here, he's merely an orphan. He cannot compare to the rich Shen Family and make contact with his beloved. So he plots. And comes to the ridiculous idea to write out the story that Shen Yuan told him about, of how their life was supposed to go on Cang Qiong if Shen Yuan hadn't transmigrated. Shang Qinghua tries to write the original PIDW.

(Third life: Shang Qinghua wakes up with a start and horror. He's on his third life now and still with memories of his first and second life. Yet?? Who?? Is?? This?? System?? Plus why is he back in run down house that he remembers growing up in his first life? OG!Shang Qinghua discovers that he's returned to his first life with what seems like the chance of a do-over, assuming he can figure out how to work around the system now policing his every move.) (Shen Yuan wakes up with a curse on his lips. He sees two strangers in his room - a foreign place that belongs on a historical drama set, not a place where he, a patient, should be recuperating in. Fucking Airplane's latest chapter of PIDW made him so mad- And then he learns that he's transmigrated into the scum villain. All thoughts about cursing out Airplane fades to the back of his head as he tries to take stock of the situation and his system.)

TLDR: OG!Shang Qinghua reincarnates to modern China, dons on the Airplane persona to write as PIDW as closely as he could remember to what Shen Yuan (his hubby in his first life and a transmigrator) told him.

And then he finds himself back in his first life but saddled with a system.

Shen Yuan, on the other hand, does not recall any of his memories of his married life with OG!Shang Qinghua. He's more or less stuck in the same loop of events, living in Modern China and reading PIDW and then transmigrating into PIDW itself. Only Shang Qinghua can break the cycle.