#abusive relationships also create a cycle of highs and lows

[femrodeeeeo]

romance fics for women could have such a great tool to raise women's standards for men but authors prefer to romanticise rape, abuse and kidnapping instead 🤨

[33446699]

Toxic relationships : How to end this cycle ?

Toxic relationships are in which your wellbeing ,safety and happiness is consistently undermined .These points are how to leave toxic relationships in general whether they are romantic ,platonic , coworkers, friends,family etc

Start loving yourself,in toxic relationships sense of self worth is destroyed and self love is at the lowest point ,stop blaming yourself,the most important step you can do is to gradually and slowly consciously tell yourself that it's not you who is the problem but the other person ,its a slow growth process which will eventually help you to realise how important you are

Stop believing that you can change the other person if someone is not making you priority it means they don't want to do it ,stop thinking that if they are hurting you continually they will change someday

Try to be financially independent or try to save money if possible, it seems difficult but it's very very important,most of the times people who are stuck in these relationships can't get out due to the financial dependence

Don't provoke the person you are dealing with in arguments and fights ,cause it will only be dangerous to you ,as it may start physical abuse or intense emotional abuse anyone who is toxic isn't affected by these things Infact they live on and enjoy these kind of arguments,fights

If you can't afford to live separately or faraway from these kind of people, minimize or atleast reduce the contact and interactions you can have with them

People who go back and forth in toxic or abusive relationships are mostly because of the disregulation of emotions and nervous system,for this maybe leaving suddenly that person won't be effective as you may find yourself going back to the same person again ( likely if you have done this previously) in this case slowly start detaching with the person

Slowly start regulating your nervous system and your emotions ,your brain got conditioned to the highs and lows of this relationship and as soon as your brain won't get it ,it will start craving it ,trauma bonding makes it very difficult to leave these relationships

Don't believe in words of affirmation if their words don't match their actions ,and they tell you they care about you but constantly do things which hurt you ,it's nothing other than manipulation

Create and be assertive of your boundaries,it will not only reduce the interactions but also will help you see their true nature

Don't invest in a business together,if possible separate your assets or bank accounts

Don't lose contact with your friends,relatives parents etc any person who is good or neutral to you ,so that you won't be left alone in dark when they decide to leave you

Try to involve yourself in hobbies or anything which helps you to reduce your anxiety etc and help you to shift your focus ,and make your brain condition to the new hobby that makes you feel peaceful and happy

Try to eat healthy if possible because the most important person in the end is you ,and the chances of getting sick are likely in these cases because body is constantly in a survival mode

Try to reach out to a professional if possible in case of depression and have suicidal thoughts ,if it's not possible for you to reach out to a professional due to any reason ,there are professionals on different social media platforms platforms who can help in this case

Don't take insults or abusive comments personally because they mostly say things what they think of themselves and what they do themselves

Start collecting evidence and have documentation of things ,in case you may need something in legal cases or you need to show therapist

Don't lose yourself and don't forget yourself,recall who you were and and how the relationship affected you negatively,instead of focusing on the rare happy moments try to remember what they did to you so that you don't lose yourself again

Stop blaming yourself for the things what happened to you or for allowing others to use you,for being nice ,sometimes we need to learn life lessons ,forgive yourself and start loving yourself

Ask yourself questions and analyse your behaviour that what is this person bringing to your life ,and if they are not making you happy adding some value to your life ,why you still want to be with this person,is it some kind of attachment issue you need to address and if yes then work on it

If you believe in the idea of twin flames and soulmates and that is the reason why you are staying in these toxic relationships, realise that your soulmate won't make you feel crap about yourself and if the relationship isn't giving you peace and happiness,maybe it's time to get out of it ,we don't find peace in places where we aren't meant to be

If you have a plan to leave ,don't tell the person who you are in toxic relationship with , as they may try to stop you from leaving ,or start gaslighting, manipulative techniques

After ending your relationship don't go to next relationship immediately,give yourself some time to heal and try to love yourself

Rebuild your life and remember if you don't believe in forgiveness the best revenge is your own happiness and success,so set your life goals and decisions accordingly

If possible go no contact,block or whatever suits you ,tell yourself that you don't need closure,you don't need a last conversation with them to know what went wrong ,don't need apologies and don't stay hopeful that that toxic people will change because they mostly don't

In the end I hope we find people who are good to us and good for us and be able to feel how beautiful life and love , relationships can be ,as much as being in a healthy relationship is important,getting out of toxic relationships is also very important ,don't allow anyone to walk all over you again and again ,you are a human being not a doormat

* I am not an expert and maybe not the best person to give advice in these conditions but if anyone who is going through these conditions and want to get out of these relationships find these tips helpful I will be glad , these points are based on my knowledge and experience while observing these kind of relationships in my surroundings

* This is just an attempt to help anyone suffering in these conditions,in any serious case please contact professionals , authorities which can help you or reach out to people who are close to you if you need help .

*if you don't find it helpful or find I am wrong , you can correct me and don't need to agree with me ,but while doing so please be kind

[liviawildrose]

𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐞

trigger warning: mention of abuse, bullying, self harm.

hello everyone, i’m livia wildrose. welcome to my digital diary, a safe place to share my “levelling up” journey with you. i’m starting this blog to document my glow-up journey from scratch to show what “leveling up” really looks like, beyond all the polished internet advice and perfect images. i’m done with the nonsense advice and the idea that growth is supposed to be linear or that a glow-up only means outer transformation. i want this space to be real and raw, to share all the messy details of glowing up that nobody talks about. it’s for anyone who’s also navigating this journey, a place for self-discovery, growth, and sharing the tips and tricks i learn along the way. this blog is a part of my journey. like my little journal that’s here for all of you.

this blog isn’t just a side project, it’s my way of reclaiming my story and taking control of my life. for so long, i’ve felt pressure from people and circumstances that made me feel small or unworthy. i want this space to represent my decision to rise above all of that and become my true self. starting from scratch, i’m determined to show the real side of transformation. everything from the highs and the lows to all the challenges no one talks about. it’s about leveling up physically, mentally, financially, spiritually, career-wise and socially. it’s about glowing up not for somebody else, but for yourself. this blog matters to me because it’s a record of my journey toward self-love, resilience, triumph, happiness, and independence.

on this blog, you’ll find more than just tips and advice. here, i’ll share my personal experiences: the lessons i learn, the mistakes i make, and the small victories, the successes and results. i’m not gonna pretend that this is easy, i’ll tell you guys how it is. you can expect posts about the practical and emotional sides of glowing up, from self-care routines and self-discovery exercises to overcoming setbacks and finding motivation. i’ll also be sharing rituals, journaling exercises, life updates (gossip lol) and insights on spirituality, mental health, manifestations, witchcraft, psychological tricks, subliminal audio, religion (hinduism), relationships (family, relatives, friends, colleagues, and romantic), and building self-love.

ultimately, this blog is a space for all of us who want to become stronger mentally, achieve our dreams and empowered whether you’re just starting or you’re already on your journey, there’s a place here for you to connect, share, and grow. if you’re also trying to build yourself up, you’ll find a space here where your journey is respected and valued. you’re not alone in the process, and i want to create a community where we can support each other’s growth.

as i approach my eighteenth birthday, i find myself reflecting on my life and the immense changes i need to make. a transition into adulthood. for so long i was trapped in the cycle of abuse and negativity, particularly at the hands of my parents, friends, relatives, people i love, etc. their toxic behaviour has kept me from pursuing my dreams, making me feel unworthy.

the years spent feeling small, unvalued, and unheard. led me to self harm too that are hard to ignore. the emotional toll of living in a hostile environment, where love feels conditional and support is nonexistent, has shaped my self-perception and kept me from believing in my potential. i’ve allowed their words and actions to dictate my self-worth for far too long.

my experience with bullying from boy i loved and his friends has only added to the weight on my shoulders. being mistreated by those i cared about deeply made me question my value and my ability to trust others. i’ve often found myself doubting my dreams and my worth, feeling like i have to prove myself to everyone around me.

these girls from my class who bullied me, and even indirectly insulted me in-front of the whole class, my entire friends group leaving me the day i decided to set some boundaries, my dad who never misses an opportunity to taunt me. just a few days ago my mom slapped me, i feel nauseous while attending any family event because of the remarks my relatives throw at me.

and there is so much more, my ex calling me “leftover shit” being beaten up by my parents while i was merely 5 or 6 year old (with a belt) all these things cannot to explained in just one post. there are so many things that which i will tell you guys in upcoming blogs too in more detail.

no one deserves this, not me and neither you. i hope to inspire others who have faced similar challenges, reminding them that they’re not alone and it’s never too late to reclaim their lives and pursue their passions. this is my time to shine and with each step forward, i am determined to create a life of my dreams one filled with love, happiness, success, joy and prosperity.

“this is my life and i won’t let anyone take that away from me.”

warning to all readers: this blog is about showing the real side of glowing up, and it’s not always going to be pretty. i’ll be sharing raw, unfiltered photos and maybe even videos to document every part of my journey. even tell you guys the most graphic things ever, cause believe me when i say this. if you want to be the top 1% of the world, there’s no clean and easygoing way. and my desire and suffering has led me here, i ain’t going back. this means you’ll see the highs and the lows, the messy parts, and the not-so-pretty side of transformation. my goal is to be real with you and show you exactly what it takes to grow from the ground up no filters, no fake aesthetics. so if you’re ready to see what real change looks like and you’re not afraid of a little graphic honesty, then follow along. this is my unfiltered journey, and i’m inviting you to see it all with me. (with hardwork, a strong mindset and some magic we’ll make this happen)

if you want to join me on this journey of becoming our highest self please comment, like reblog and follow button and let’s embrace the glow-up together!

[drkarenhawk]

Overcoming Addictions: Dr. Karen Hawk’s Compassionate Approach to Recovery

Addiction is a powerful, often insidious condition that can take a serious toll on an individual’s mental, physical, and emotional health. It can affect all aspects of life, from relationships and career to overall well-being. Whether it’s an addiction to substances like alcohol, drugs, or tobacco, or behavioral addictions like gambling, shopping, or technology use, the effects are far-reaching and can feel all-consuming.

Overcoming addiction requires not just breaking free from the substance or behavior but also addressing the underlying emotional, psychological, and social factors that contribute to the addiction. Dr. Karen Hawk, a licensed therapist with expertise in addiction recovery, offers compassionate support for individuals struggling with addiction, guiding them toward healing, self-discovery, and long-term sobriety.

Understanding Addiction: The Complex Nature of Dependency

Addiction is a chronic, often relapsing condition that compels individuals to engage in harmful behaviors or substances despite negative consequences. While addiction is often associated with substance abuse, it can also refer to compulsive behaviors, such as gambling, sex, or eating disorders. Regardless of the form it takes, addiction usually arises from a combination of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors.

Addiction can develop gradually or suddenly, and it often follows a cycle of emotional highs followed by emotional lows. In the case of substance use, a person may begin by using the substance recreationally or out of curiosity. Over time, they may begin to develop a tolerance, requiring more of the substance to achieve the same effect. As the addiction progresses, the individual may experience withdrawal symptoms when not using the substance, further reinforcing the cycle of dependence.

Addiction often stems from attempts to cope with emotional pain, stress, trauma, or mental health conditions like anxiety and depression. It can also be exacerbated by external factors like environmental stressors, family dynamics, or peer pressure.

The Impact of Addiction

Addiction can have a profound impact on an individual’s life, often leading to a cascade of physical, emotional, social, and financial difficulties. The consequences of addiction extend far beyond the individual and affect loved ones, colleagues, and the community as well.

Some of the common consequences of addiction include:

Physical Health Issues: Chronic substance use can lead to a host of physical health problems, including liver damage, heart disease, lung disease, and neurological impairment. Behavioral addictions can lead to sleep deprivation, physical exhaustion, and stress-related health issues.

Mental Health Struggles: Addiction often coexists with other mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The cycle of addiction can worsen these conditions, making recovery more difficult.

Relationship Breakdown: Addiction can cause a breakdown in communication and trust within relationships. Family members and friends may feel helpless or betrayed, and the individual may withdraw from their support network, further isolating themselves.

Financial and Legal Troubles: Addictions, particularly those related to substances or gambling, can lead to severe financial problems, legal issues, or job loss. This can compound the emotional strain of the addiction and create additional barriers to recovery.

Decreased Quality of Life: Over time, addiction can erode an individual’s sense of self-worth, purpose, and direction. The inability to break free from the cycle of addiction can result in feelings of hopelessness, despair, and a loss of identity.

Dr. Karen Hawk’s Approach to Addiction Recovery

Dr Karen Hawk psychologist Arizona understands that addiction is a complex, multi-dimensional challenge that cannot be overcome through willpower alone. It requires a combination of therapeutic approaches, personalized care, and ongoing support. Her approach to addiction recovery is grounded in compassion, evidence-based treatment, and an understanding that healing involves addressing the root causes of addiction, not just the symptoms.

1. Understanding the Root Causes of Addiction

One of the first steps in Dr. Hawk’s approach is helping individuals understand the root causes of their addiction. Many people turn to substances or behaviors as a way to cope with unresolved emotional pain, trauma, stress, or mental health conditions. Dr Karen Hawk psychologist works with individuals to explore these underlying issues, helping them identify and process the emotional triggers that contribute to their addictive behavior.

By gaining insight into the emotional and psychological factors that fuel addiction, clients can begin to break the cycle and create healthier coping mechanisms. Addressing these root causes helps individuals not only overcome addiction but also heal the emotional wounds that may have initially contributed to the dependency.

2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Addiction

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most widely used and effective therapeutic approaches for treating addiction. CBT helps individuals identify and challenge the negative thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to their addiction. By understanding how their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interconnected, clients can begin to reframe negative beliefs and develop healthier habits.

In addiction recovery, CBT helps individuals:

Recognize triggers: Identifying situations, people, or emotions that trigger cravings or addictive behavior.

Develop coping strategies: Learning alternative, healthier coping mechanisms for managing stress and emotional pain.

Build self-control: Strengthening the ability to resist urges and make positive choices.

Reframe negative thoughts: Challenging the self-destructive thoughts and beliefs that may have contributed to addiction.

Through CBT, Dr Karen Hawk psychologist helps individuals develop the mental tools needed to navigate the recovery process and reduce the likelihood of relapse.

3. Trauma-Informed Care

Many individuals struggling with addiction have experienced trauma in their past. This trauma may be the result of abuse, neglect, loss, or other distressing experiences. Trauma can be a significant factor in the development of addiction, as individuals use substances or behaviors as a way to numb the pain of past wounds.

Dr. Hawk’s trauma-informed approach recognizes that addiction and trauma are often intertwined. By addressing the emotional and psychological scars of past trauma, Dr. Hawk helps individuals heal from both the addiction and the underlying pain. This holistic approach fosters long-term recovery and emotional resilience.

Dr Karen Hawk psychologist utilizes techniques such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and somatic therapies to help clients process and release trauma in a safe and supportive environment. Through these therapies, individuals can confront and integrate painful memories without being overwhelmed by them.

4. Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness is a powerful tool for addiction recovery, as it helps individuals become more aware of their thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations in the present moment. Mindfulness encourages a non-judgmental awareness of cravings, emotions, and urges, allowing individuals to gain greater control over their reactions and avoid relapse.

Dr Karen Hawk psychologist Arizona incorporates mindfulness practices into her addiction recovery approach, helping clients develop a healthier relationship with their thoughts and emotions. Mindfulness can reduce the intensity of cravings, improve emotional regulation, and enhance self-awareness. Regular meditation practice also helps reduce stress, anxiety, and depression, which are often triggers for addictive behaviors.

5. Building a Support System

Recovery from addiction is a long-term process that requires ongoing support and commitment. Dr. Hawk encourages individuals to build a strong support system by connecting with others who understand their journey. Support groups, 12-step programs, and group therapy can provide a sense of community, accountability, and encouragement as individuals work toward recovery.

In addition to professional support, Dr. Hawk emphasizes the importance of nurturing personal relationships and seeking support from family, friends, and loved ones. Having a strong, positive support system can significantly increase the likelihood of long-term recovery.

The Road to Recovery: Embracing a New Life

Overcoming addiction is not an easy path, and it requires significant effort, commitment, and self-compassion. Recovery is often a non-linear process, with setbacks and challenges along the way. However, with the right support and therapeutic tools, individuals can break free from the grip of addiction and embrace a healthier, more fulfilling life.

The road to recovery involves:

Emotional healing: Processing the emotions and pain that fueled the addiction and learning healthier ways to cope with stress and life’s challenges.

Building a new identity: Rediscovering who you are without the addiction and creating a vision for a fulfilling future.

Personal growth: Developing resilience, self-compassion, and emotional intelligence that support long-term recovery.

Maintaining sobriety: Building a sustainable, addiction-free lifestyle through ongoing therapy, support groups, and self-care practices.

When to Seek Help

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, it’s essential to seek professional help. Addiction is a serious condition that can impact every aspect of life, and overcoming it is a difficult but rewarding process. Dr Karen Hawk psychologist Arizona offers compassionate, individualized care for individuals in the midst of their recovery journey.

Conclusion

Addiction may feel overwhelming, but with the right support, it is possible to break free and rebuild a fulfilling life. Dr. Karen Hawk’s holistic approach to addiction recovery offers the tools, compassion, and guidance needed to heal from addiction and its underlying causes. If you are ready to take the first step toward recovery, reach out to Dr. Karen Hawk today to begin your journey toward a healthier, happier, and addiction-free life.

[drjohngkuna]

List of psychological health services in Montour County, PA Therapy in Montour County and close by inside a seventy five miles neighborhood. Are you in search of a therapy experience that feels...different? You may be noticing patterns in your life—things in your relationships, from your previous, or in the finest way you assume or really feel that have you ever feeling stuck. You want to start feeling higher day-to-day however you’d also wish to get to the deeper roots behind this. You want someplace that doesn’t really feel stuffy, intimidating or overly clinical—a place the place you'll be able to feel snug being sincere with someone else and with yourself. Because you understand there’s extra to life than this cycle you are feeling caught in and you might be ready to find what that appears like for you.

Therapists, nonetheless, have the power that can help you find your potential via re-training your mind via strategies such as CBT, or you can see a SEP . For example, a selection of sufferers who are battling sleep insomnia, issue with medicines, troublesome behaviors, or overuse of medication or alcohol have found help for his or her disorder through on-line therapy and telehealth. If you're on the lookout for a therapist, Montour Falls has many professionals who present consumer centered particular person counseling both in individual and through on-line therapy. Gain extra perception into in your life than you'd by way of an eclectic approach or motivational interviewing. In Montour Falls, therapy is well accessible and only a click away. A scientific psychologist, licensed psychologist, or board permitted supervisor may help you develop new coping methods via fashionable therapy, therapeutic companies, and a holistic strategy.

Family dynamics usually play a crucial role in habit triggers, and if properly educated, members of the family can be a sturdy source of help when it comes to rehabilitation. Verified Montour Falls therapists can present licensed marriage counseling, compassionate counseling, tailor to particular person needs , and will help create a therapeutic relationship as a National Certified Counselor therapy in Montour county. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with my MA in Forensic Psychology and also have my certificate in drug counseling. Who is from and licensed in New York and works with younger adults, adults, and the elderly and have over 15 years experience with the assorted populations in substance abuse, mental well being disorders, and grief and trauma points.

This means eligibility for publicly-funded outpatient mental health providers varies from county to county and program to program in Pennsylvania. Member service numbers vary by county and could be found on the website for each MCO. People who aren't members of HealthChoices can call their county’s mental health program or look up native suppliers using the Pennsylvania Network of Careonline search tool.

Please note that state laws prohibit the companies that we are in a position to provide to college students who are not at present dwelling in California. As a end result, students Therapy in Montour County out of state aren't in a position to schedule individual, group, or couples therapy right now. However, we're glad to assist you locate local resources and referral options!

Our tailored approach to each individual’s scientific wants, coupled with our give attention to accountability and the development of improved life expertise, culminates in household & community reintegration, and relapse prevention. There are several options for paying for therapy in Montour County, Pennsylvania. For many people, essentially the most inexpensive way to seek mental well being companies is to search for a supplier who is in-network together with your insurance coverage. Due to high demand and low availability, in-network suppliers usually have lengthy therapy Montour county waitlists; to widen your choices and begin therapy sooner, you might also think about in search of an out-of-network supplier. When you see an out-of-network social employee in Montour County, Pennsylvania, you'll be able to ask for a sliding scale in case you are unable to afford their typical session fees, or search reimbursement from your insurance company if you have a PPO or POS plan. For purchasers who've an insurance plan with a excessive deductible and low medical costs, therapy prices are often comparable when you see a social employee in- or out-of-network.

[fellowstrangetownappreciator]

The Strange Case of The Strangetown Metamorphosis

There is a mysterious Sim that appears in Strangetown.

That's like saying "there is a fish that appears in the ocean", I know, so I'll be a little more specific.

They are an adult whose memories show inconsistencies with those of their family members. Something is missing!

Alright. That's also not saying much, that's like half of the premades in vanilla, non-clean hoods.

They are immediately recognizable by their appearance and, dare I say it, have distinguishing features unique to them.

Well, that also kinda fits everyone...

They feature in more than one installment of the series.

Again, not that helpful. I mean, almost everybody from the base game hoods is (for better or worse) represented in TS3 or TS4.

They appear in TS2 for PSP!

Hmm...

They are a member of a wealthy family connected to science and paranormal.

And...

They are somehow connected to (possible) cloning.

I imagine that now you’re probably rolling your eyes and asking: Why didn’t I just simply say I was going to talk about Bella Goth?

Because... I’m not!

It’s Loki Beaker. In this mini-essay I’m going to speak about Loki, what is the mystery around him, what hints are there and what are some of the theories and which one do I fancy.

It’s basically a routine round of the popular game “connect EAxis’ oversights and glue them together into a headcanon”.

So without further ado, let me introduce you to:

The Mystery of Loki Beaker!

0: Preface: Loki who?

“As soon as he perfects his latest invention, Loki is sure to get the recognition he knows he deserves. In the meantime, he keeps himself busy by trying to assemble a nuclear reactor out of common household items.”

On the first glance, Loki as a Sim seems quite straightforward. He is a Knowledge Sim with a very eccentric personality. All his trait points are in the extremes, as you can see:

He is a scientist, a competent one at that, as proven by his high career level and the fun fact that some of the game’s horrible machinery you can buy for Aspiration points is attributed to his creation.

(It explains why are the Beakers the only ones who have the stuff lying around by default. It is normal for a Strangetown family to own a non-buyable reward object or two but those are career rewards, the Beakers are the only one who canonically own Aspiration points rewards.)

Even though he knows his stuff when it comes to his profession, he is very corrupt and tests his questionable projects on his captive, Nervous Subject.

To say that Loki is unpopular would be an understatement. No one but his wife Circe likes Loki, even his own sister is indifferent towards him. Yes, he has a sister. Her name is Erin and she also lives in Strangetown with a colorful collection of roommates.

Nothing mysterious about him so far. (apart from his eyebrows)

1: Characterization fallen apart

And then The Sims 3 happened. It was actually quite late into the game’s life cycle, the early 2013, when a beautiful nordic-themed world was released on TS3 Store. Its name was Aurora Skies and it featured Loki, Erin and their parents.

TS3 Loki is a child and Erin is a toddler.

Now I haven’t actually played Aurora Skies. I own (and love) TS3 but the price range for the Store worlds is too high for me, content-to-money wise. So there might be some hidden clues about the Beakers in their house or relationship panels that I haven’t been able to inspect but... not to sound cynical but I doubt it. I doubt such attention was given to detail of this family in Aurora Skies, as they don’t even have individual bios.

But... that is... fine? I mean, we have Loki’s TS2 bio...

Nope. Sure we do. And it would be fine if hair color and ambitions weren’t the only thing Loki and his younger self (from now on referred to as smol Loki) had in common.

Let’s take a look on smol Loki’s personality.

The first noticeable thing is that there is not a trace of Loki’s trademark villainy. He’s not Mean Spirited, he’s not Evil, he’s not even a No Sense of Humor Sim. His extreme neatness and hyperactivity are nowhere to be seen either. While it is true that TS3′s capabilities of defining personality are very limited as it picks “outstanding points” rather than a position of each trait on a scale, and it only has 5 slots (and tiny teeny 3 for children), it doesn’t make any sense still for the devs not to pick some more loki-esque traits for the precious slots they had.

Unless...

They didn’t care about Loki’s personality and there were no deeper intentions.

Unless the devs were trying to purposefully show us new angles of his character that either got suppressed while he was growing up, or manifest in ways that TS2′s scale system wasn’t able to show.

Could the Lucky trait in particular have had something to do with the change?

(Also, those traits of smol Loki are reason why I usually go for a Family Secondary Loki in TS2 and thus make Strangetown the purgatory of two unstable blonde Knowledge/Family sciency guys.)

We also must not omit that even though smol Loki didn’t display any of them, he still had all of Loki’s signature traits in him, as Loki in TS2 has his actual personality synced with the genetic one, meaning that there was something in there that caused him not to act so mean that got lost as he grew up. In other words, something brought up the worst in him.

And that’s not all. Smol Loki is not a regular TS3 child. You see, in TS3, premade children aren’t particularly known for being highly skilled experts. Neither are in TS2, for that matter, and it’s okay. It’s realistic.

Smol Loki has a skill maxed.

It is very rare for a premade regardless of age to already start with a maxed skill and I personally don’t know of any other premade children that do.

And it’s writing.

What does writing have to do with Loki? Does Loki write? Probably he has to, those academic papers aren’t gonna spawn out of thin air, but that’s not what the writing skill in TS3 (or the hidden writing skill in TS2) are about. They’re about creative writing only.

Ok, ok. How high is Loki’s Creativity skill, then? In TS2, skills are much broader, they more resemble skillsets than individual skills, and writing categorizes under Creativity. Bring out the skill panel!

Two. He has 2 points in Creativity. That is... low. That is actually very low, especially for a Sim that has supposedly been writing for fun since childhood. (and was a prodigy, while we’re at it) It is safe to say, I think, that if the player doesn’t make him do it, Loki doesn’t write anymore and he hasn’t been doing that for a long, long time.

While I would cynically admit that the dissonance in personalities might be just the lack of damns given from EAxis’ side, this seems to me too on the nose to be unintentional.

They would have no reason to bring the Beakers back without the “evil scientists” thing in mind. I mean, that’s what they’re iconic for. That’s what they’re recognizable by. (apart from their eyebrows)

So the person who was in charge of creating smol Loki probably knew they were recreating “Loki the mad scientist”.

So when they were picking the skill they use to demonstrate that this kid is gonna go far, they thought... “evil scientist = writing”...?

I would understand going for Creativity in general. I mean, Loki’s an inventor. That comes with the territory. But creativity as such isn’t really a skill in TS3. It’s divided to different activities.

Wouldn’t it make more sense just in general to pick logic, then? I mean, Loki isn’t that extremely logical by default but it is his second strongest skill and a feature unmistakably connected to being a scientist.

That’s what leads me to believe that writing plays a role in the story and it was chosen on purpose.

So how did a sweet little family-oriented boy talented with words transform into the ruthless catboy inventor we know and love?

And that, my friends, is the mystery of Loki Beaker.

2: A closer look at our environmentalist friends, the Beakers

If we want to get the full picture and come to a satisfying conclusion of some sorts, we need to inspect smol Loki’s surroundings. Maybe there is a clue to the continuous force or a traumatic event that shifted smol Loki’s direction in life?

Loki’s and Erin’s parents are named Gundrun and Bjorn. Even though their age would still allow it, they’re not present at the start of TS2′s Strangetown play, they’re long dead. Bjorn died before Erin became an adult and Gundrun died shortly before her son’s engagement to Circe. Because they died by the time Loki had (presumably) already long enrolled in his current life-path, we can safely rule out any tragic early death of parental figures scenario as a possible answer.

Gundrun is the only Beaker that canonically also writes. She has 5 points in the writing skill. She also shares some traits with Loki, namely the smarts and ambition.

But she has little to do with science and is way more business-oriented which is a trait she shares with Circe’s ancestors, for example her father. Maybe the families knew each other from business ventures even before they moved to Strangetown? It is stated in their memories that Loki and Circe first met when they were children. But I digress!

Anyway, I don’t see anything in Gundrun that would suggest any abusive behavior towards her son that might have triggered his drastic change. Possibly but not necessarily she might’ve been a bit absent but nothing out of ordinary.

And now the father, Bjorn.

Bjorn is the sciency half of the couple and works as an Aquatic Ecosystem Tweaker. Again, he has zero traits that would raise any red flags and he shares 4 out of 5 traits with either smol Loki or Loki. (I don’t know if Loki is a “natural cook” but he cooks quite well, so I think that counts.)

What’s interesting about Bjorn, though, is his speech that serves as a flavor text for the Aurora Skies store page.

(Image transcript: “Do it for science! Science is everywhere around us, but at Aurora Skies it’s not just something you learn; it’s something you do!  We need bright young minds to make the dreams of the future a reality. Even now we’re finding more uses for garbage to help the planet. Charging batteries, powering machines - the sky is the limit. Just this last year we created a modified Hot Air Baloon using garbage as fuel and turning it into pure air with a pine breeze scent.  Now you can have efficient travel and an amazing romantic adventure with no cost to the ozone (or your nose)! Every year we’re creating more and more exciting things in the world of science. Garbage-powered hearts, heart-powered cars, solar-powered cats; what will you think of next!  It’s all up to you. Do it for Science! Did you know? Hot Air Balloons are an epic form of travel based around the simple principle that hot air is lighter than cold air.  They lift in the air based on the heat system in the balloon. Increasing the temperature of the air inside the balloon makes it lighter than the air outside and the balloon begins to float.  More air is required to lift heavier things; that’s why the balloons have to be so huge! How cool (or hot!) is that?”)

From this piece of text we can see Bjorn’s passion and dedication to “green” science. Nothing in his traits suggests he fakes it, so I think it’s safe to believe that this peppy idealist is a glimpse into Loki’s father’s genuine self.

He might have encouraged his children to follow in his footsteps (”We need bright young minds to make the dreams of the future a reality.“) and smol Loki, who later in life seemed to have similar levels of enthusiasm (science is his One True Hobby), might have been receptive to that.

Now just close your eyes for a second and imagine an alternate reality in which Loki picked up where Bjorn left and instead of a energy-refilling machine that electrocutes you if you’re not happy enough, he invented “solar-powered cats”.

Still no hints on what could’ve messed Loki up, though.

Let’s take a look at the parents in TS2. Even though they’re not present and aren’t even resurrectable, they’re still coded in the game for purposes of genetics, memories and family trees, so some of their characteristics are salvageable.

And by the Watcher, they were both Romance Sims.

They were workaholic Romance Sims who cared about the environment and liked recycling (and Hot Baloons).

And they were both extremely Nice and very Sloppy, if their personalities on wiki are something to go by. Which they unfortunately aren’t, at least not completely because most ancestors don’t simply have “their own” personalities and use presets instead, so they tend to be quite similar.

The same goes for most of the Beaker clan, unfortunately. Fun fact is that there is no Knowledge Sim in sight (before Loki, of course). Maybe they weren’t a scientist family, but a bunch of Romance Sims who used to spend their free time in between woohoos saving the planet with eco-science. (3 out of 6 of Loki’s and Erin’s ancestors were Romance Sims, 2 were Fortune and 1 was Family)

But! There is one outlier. Her name is Gertrude Beaker. She is Loki’s paternal grandmother.

And similarly to her grandson, she certainly has a personality to remember.

She doesn’t use a preset, this is a personality that someone went and manually assigned (...or generated) for her. And she is Neat, Outgoing and doesn’t have a nice bone in her body. But unlike Loki, she has a sense of humor (which makes her even more dangerous, in my opinion) and is extremely Lazy.

She is a Fortune Sim and the only Beaker who shares the darker sides of Loki’s personality. (to be clear, I don’t mean their taste for cleaning but the round 0 of Nice points)

Because she doesn’t feature in TS3 at all, it is safe to say that she wasn’t in her grandchildren’s lives until the family moved to Strangetown. Could she be the corrupting influence on smol Loki?

As far as personality comparison goes, she seems to be the only possible culprit, the only one who’s personality shares the same unpleasant qualities he became infamous for. But! That’s not saying much. There is no evidence she actually did anything.

There’s not even any evidence that she ever met her grandson, given he has no memory of her dying which means she might have died before he was even born. That would be a solid evidence on the contrary and would rule her out. But I’m leaving some maneuvering space for theories here because she is the only Beaker ancestor with custom personality, after all, and that is suspicious.

That’s all the Beakers we know of if not counting Atom and Ceres, who came after Loki, so they’re not relevant to the question of his childhood. Or... are they?

3: And that’s when the trouble began

Another part of this question that might help us discern what happened to Loki is the when. All we know so far is that there is a big void of unknown between smol Loki and regular Loki and the point of transformation happened in there somewhere.

Thankfully, we have something to give us an idea. It’s this snapshot in storytelling pictures for the Beakers:

It shows smol Loki destroying a dollhouse. It seems to be in an impersonal environment of some sorts. The cheapest bed in the game is against a bare white wall, the window is hid behind blue curtains and there doesn’t really seem to be anything else but the dollhouse, a teddy bear in the background and that... very unpleasant bed.

It clearly tells us that Loki’s shift started in his pre-teen years.

And seeing that room which is definitely not in the Beaker Castle at 1 Tesla Court, it makes me think of a hotel or a cheap apartment the family was staying in while moving from Aurora Skies to Strangetown. Maybe the castle-like something the household inhabits at the start of the game wasn’t a property of the Beakers at all, maybe that was where the Salamises used to live and now it belongs to Circe?

Anyway, could it had been leaving Aurora Skies that sent smol Loki down an existential crisis and settling in the not exactly welcoming environment of Strangetown, enrolling in a local school, that sealed it?

But why all the stuff with writing? This would work with any other hobby but somehow it had to be writing and it’s our task to find out why.

4: Not your average tragedy

Now in our search we already have some ideas but it wouldn’t be thorough if we didn’t take into account smol Loki’s actual personality. I mean, we went into what traits he doesn’t have but what about those he has?

Namely Lucky and Family-Oriented.

I think Lucky is a very interesting choice. There’s nothing inherent about Loki Beaker that would make you go “that’s one lucky guy!” (if you don’t count his relationship with Circe as a stroke of luck, that is) and the same goes for smol Loki.

But... it could be a clue. His metamorphosis either couldn’t be triggered by trauma because he’s lucky and it would avoid him, or it must’ve been something tremendously horrid so he’s lucky he’s still alive.

Now we know we are searching for something that happened in his late childhood, verging on the start of his teenage years. His family was going through the turmoil of moving to a desert and he has already known his future partner Circe. Meanwhile Erin-

Oh, wait. Erin.

Smol Loki was Family-Oriented which implies he would probably have a good relationship with his little sister, as he would’ve naturally inclined to protect her and help his parents take care of her. But!

Not only do they have an amicable but distant relationship as adults but Erin seems to forget that Loki even existed in her childhood.

He has the usual set of memories of a sibling growing up well but she doesn’t, she has no Loki-related memories at all, not even of his marriage, which was a quite recent event.

Could the reason for Loki’s “downfall” be somehow related to his sister? Was there a dramatic event in which she lost a part of her memory?

5: Theories!

Ok, we’re finally here! Now I try to present some theories about what might’ve happened.

1. Burdens of the golden child

In Aurora Skies, Loki used to be the little wonder every relative was gushing about. With his father as an acclaimed scientist and a very liked person in general, there was little to no adversity his son had to face. He followed his passion and having nobody to really compare himself to, nor anybody who would terrorize him, he prospered.

But then the Beakers moved. Strangetown was... different. It was way smaller than Aurora Skies, so everybody inherently knew everybody and everybody had to interact with everybody... because the small space of a desert community didn’t leave them with any choice. And it was bleak and unfriendly. No one except for the Salamises knew the Beakers, so they found themselves under scrutiny from their new neighbors.

So Loki, who used to live thinking he was unique, was now sitting everyday in a much smaller classroom with Pascal and Vidcund Curious, whom he was immediately being compared to. But he wasn’t like the Curiouses. He was a kid of a scientist but wasn’t a science kid. He didn’t have much in common with Pascal who approached him and tried to befriend him at first but he wanted to. In Strangetown, nothing seemed to be cooler than being really, really into science. Pascal’s and Loki’s communication attempts were rather poor, though, and in the end, they never made friends. Loki slowly began to disdain the oldest Curious boy and it culminated a few years later in high school when Pascal made an attempt to woo Circe. It was even worse with Vidcund. Ever since Loki’s first day at the new school, Vidcund had been eyeing him with a disgusted look and Loki became quick to reciprocate.

In Strangetown, nothing seemed to be cooler than being really, really into science. Even Circe was on it! She was the only person his age he has know in Strangetown before his family moved in and he liked her. Not “like” liked her, yuck! But he thought she was cool. Her family used to visit the Beakers in Aurora Skies and they played together. She was a friend! Or so Loki thought. She seemed to like hanging out with the Curiouses much more.

In Strangetown, nothing seemed to be cooler than being really, really into science, yes. But not in the eyes of Buzz Grunt, the son of a general who lived in Strangetown. Their family were the self-proclaimed protectors of the hood but at the same time they weren’t shy to show a strong distaste for all that made Strangetown an important desert settlement in the first place. And little Buzz, although Loki doubted he understood the nuances, was very fond of asserting his dominance over his less sporty and hyper-masculine classmates.

Suddenly jealous of the Curious brothers, under pressure from both the adults and his peers comparing him to them and bullied by Buzz, Loki’s social life fell apart. He started having problems... and he came up with solutions. He has always liked science but from back then on he hyperfixated on it to prove everybody who picked on him for being a worthless parody of a science kid wrong.

Not only his social life and self-confidence were busted, though. Moving away from Aurora Skies to Strangetown that had much higher prices for housing because of the limited space, the living standards for the Beakers lowered. It was chaotic and uncomfortable. Plus, almost everybody in Strangetown was loaded. Why, Circe and her parents lived in a small castle! Loki felt like they’re the only “poor” family around and it played into his new-found insecurities.

And then there was Erin’s accident. She suffered a severe head injury and even though she fortunately survived, she was never... the same. She had issues with her memory. Loki tried to convince himself that he’s big enough not to cry but when they were visiting Erin in the hospital and she didn’t recognize him, he cried. It was his little sister! And... it was all his fault anyway! If he was quicker and pushed her to safety, she would’ve been fine! Or even better, he wished the car would’ve hit him instead.

Loki was becoming more and more snappy, focused on his grades and projects, unavailable. The siblings never mended their relationship, Erin, even though she recovered, never got to make new memories with her brother. Not remembering them growing up together, he was like a stranger to her. A scary mean teenage boy she didn’t know and, even though she was a very friendly child, she was too intimidated to willingly spend time with him. And Loki was always busy and moreover, he felt guilty and inexplicably angry, so he postponed approaching her, until it was too late, he was in college, she was in high school and it was too awkward.

And... there was no time to write anymore.

2. Gertrude the Neat and Mean (and Lazy)

Ok, Loki doesn’t have any memories of his grandma. But hear me out! Erin does not have any of him either and yet they met. This theory doesn't require any additional write up – he simply got under the influence of his 0 Nice points granny and she cultivated him to be just like her.

My personal take: This is maybe my least favorite theory of them all, even though it is quite straightforward. It doesn't take much into consideration and demonizes Gertrude, who as far as we know, might not done anything wrong.

3. The accident

This theory takes advantage of TS3's canon sciency machinery, namely Cerebralizing Brain Enhancing Machine 2.0.

It can, among other things, change a Sim's personality. There is (quite unfortunately, in my opinion) no chance of consequential failure in the actual game, the most it can do is to (non-fatally) electrocute your Sim. But...

Imagine smol Loki sneaking into his dad's laboratory, most probably at his workplace.

He was curious. Ever since his father showed him all the equipment in there, all he could think of was the machine that made people smarter.

Maybe it could make him smarter?

I mean, Loki knew he was already quite smart. At least, he's been told he was and he had no reason not to believe it.

But he could be even smarter.

He could be like his dad. Or his mom. Or Erin. Everyone was talking about how clever young Erin seemed. Loki was proud of her but part of him just wanted that, too.

So what if... he went to dad's laboratory, just for a little while, and made himself smarter?

He made all the necessary preparations. It meant to memorize dad’s schedule, so he knew just the time when he could sneak into the laboratory. It also meant to get a good costume so he won’t be recognizable on the security footage!

And then finally, he was ready. To infiltrate the laboratory was easy enough but it only made Loki more nervous. He was on the edge but determined. He wanted to make it big in the world. He needed to seize the opportunity. And fear... fear was there to be ignored! Hands, stop trembling!

His confidence grew a bit once he got to the machine itself. He knew how to run it thanks to his dad and it made him feel competent and ready.

Little did he know that there was a huge oversight. Although Loki could operate the technology on a very basic level, his knowledge went nowhere near deep enough for him to detect that the machine has yet another set of settings and those currently expect an adult user. It wasn’t configured for a child patient.

But unaware of that, the boy in his patchy dinosaur costume climbed on top of the machine and with his eyes wide open and his heart racing he connected the Brain Enhancer to his system. Then, with his hand sweating, he pushed a button on a remote he was clutching to.

When Bjorn, alerted by Loki’s screams, rushed into the laboratory, it was way too late.

As his terrified father was calling the ambulance, the child was alive and even still awake. He was too weak to cry. He just watched Bjorn, wishing for death and looking for signs of wrath in father’s eyes.

There were none. Only fear.

Physically, Loki Beaker managed to recover just fine. With the power of advanced medicine and plastic surgery, the burns he suffered were reduced to nothing but almost invisible scars.

But inside, he was never the same. Literally. Even though the procedure backfired horribly, it still worked to some extend - but even that extend was warped. Loki succeeded in giving himself the Genius trait but several of his traits were replaced also, including the Lucky trait that probably saved his life.

6: Conclusion!

I like Loki very much. (no sh*t, who would’ve guessed) He’s a very controversial and over-the-top character who tends to be rather unpredictable in the actual gameplay. I started writing this giant thing to find an answer to his backstory that would satisfy me and hopefully also some of you.

With a heavy heart I conclude I’m not successful.

First I have to admit I originally planned to present 5 theories instead of 3 but I scrapped 2 of them.

First was about Atom time traveling and replacing Loki, creating himself again and again in a time loop (would explain the huge personality difference between smol Loki and Loki-Atom) and it was very far-fetched but fun, alas I realized it was out of character for Atom, since he seems to love his sister and his Plumbot so much he would hardly leave them behind to pull that off.

The second was about Nervous and the corrupting power of Death he has inside that would slowly drive Loki and Circe “evil” even though it’s unclear whether they first adopted him with being a lab-rat in mind. But it would not make sense since a change like that would be visible on their personality panels. That’s not that important, though. What made me not include this theory is that it feels uncomfortably victim blame-y. It’s not directly since it wouldn’t be Nervous’ fault anyway but any attempt to shift the blame from Loki and Circe in this situation feels uncomfortable.

(To be clear, I don’t think the Beakers deserve demonization. In my opinion, the best way to treat them narrative-wise is like eccentric people capable of feeling love and doing good things sometimes, yet irredeemably self-centered, morally bankrupt and deserving a lifetime in jail for child abuse they have done on Nervous. Not one-dimensional but still villains and still objectively bad people.)

And those 3 theories above? They could’ve been better.

I think I like the first the most, even though I still feel like something is missing. I just tend to like relatively grounded explanations and this one doesn’t feature the supernatural nor any deus ex machina gadget.

What about you? And do you have any other theories? Sky’s the limit! It’ll make my day to hear them!

Whatever your takes are, they’re all valid.

[youwontlikethisblog]

She's Ugly!

In a previous post I briefly touch on the subject of Armando and his belief of love. Here I will be going into more detail on my personal experiences as a writer who has written complex OC's with a very similar nature to that of Armando. I will be talking about some pretty heavy topics here so this is your warning if they make you uncomfortable or trigger you.

As a writer you spend most of your time doing research. You don't really spend it writing as more than 75% of the time is dedicated to researching the entirety of your story and it's characters. That means you research on mental health, social behaviors, addictions, learned behavior, coping mechanisms, ect... to create an authentic and realistic character.

When I was doing research for my OC, based on the past I wrote for them I had to look into the consequences that it carried into adulthood. I had to do a lot of research on coping mechanism and seggs addiction(I write really sad characters um but that's besides the point. Also try explaining your search history when you've got tabs and tabs about centers that deal with that addiction and so on).

[Below this I will talk about Seggsual Addiction and such. if it makes you uncomfortable skip to the next [RED]].

Doing that research I found out that many people who do have that addiction often use it as a form of escapism, control, or due to a lot more severe trauma. Sometimes it's just the feeling you get from that. Some have this addiction because of low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and also because it's something they can control, or at the very least in their denial stage they believe that they can.

Seggs Addiction is when someone cannot function without it. When it becomes a problem in that person's life and ruins friendships, relationships, and their professional life. It can range from content watching to actual action of the addiction. This is a serious problem as it often leaves the people feeling helpless, dirty, lowers the quality of life and they feel a lot of shame due to it and it's something that they need professional help to be able to control and overcome, just like drug addiction.

[Now I will be talking about Armando and why this relates to this breakdown. You may proceed.]

Do I believe Armando has that? Not necessarily. I am not a professional so I cannot diagnose someone with that. I just know a lot about the subject because I had to do research on the topic in the past.

Armando is a complex character. The reason I bring this up is because he does show traits of it. Do his affairs get in the way of his professional life? Somewhat. Does it ruin friendships? Yes. Does it ruin relationships? Yes, mainly his.

We know Armando has had an array of women in his life. He is desired by a lot of women(I seriously do however believe that Mario is a s. addict).

I've thought about this part of his character for a while. I really don't know what Fernando Gaitan researched or what inspired him to write Armando's character so this is really just my own personal speculation and is not a fact of the show.

From the start we are told that Armando is a man with refined taste and high standards for his women. The secretaries tells this to Betty, if I'm not mistaken Marcela mentioned it once, and Mario tells him all the time.

A poster here in the tag made a post about the situation of Mario and Aura Maria and they did a really good job at breaking down this side of Armando; that he doesn't have a refined taste or high standards for women but rather he doesn't like involving himself with women who are not in the same social statues and circles as him because of the abuse of power that it entitles.

When he told Mario he wanted to fire Claudia for being crazy Mario reminded him of what he told him when he wanted Armando to fire Aura Maria and because of that Armando decides not to personally fire Claudia, it wasn't until Marcela asked for her head that he asked Hugo to fire her.

Now let me step away from the story and explain why I have this speculation.

Armando's parents aren't very active in his life. They're only there when it comes to the company or his relationship with Marcela(I already talked about his parents in The Art of Subtly in YSBLF post) now imagine that as you're growing up. That your parents aren't actively in your life unless you're achieving or accomplishing something. We know Armando has a sister that doesn't talk to their parents and is only in contact with him. That their mother possibly ruined her marriage to a man because he was poor. This tells us that his parents aren't the best.

A child who grows up having to overcompensate and over achieve grows up with low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and other problems. They grow up believing that the only way they are worthy of love is by being perfect and they become obsessed with achieving perfection.

Due to this upbringing Armando is a control freak, neurotic, egocentric, and obsessed with perfection. He gets stressed out when things don't go his way. He has grown up in the fashion world and beauty has been fed to him that it is tall, thin, and above all has to be perfect.

A child is a product of their environment.

This has molded Armando into the person he is today.

On top of that Armando basically has his entire life planned out by his parents as a child who grew up hearing about the desire for him to be with Marcela to honor his parents best friends, for the good of the company, ect.

To receive his parents love he must do what his parents tell him, no exceptions. He must be the best at everything so he always aims high. In his proposal to be president he did exactly that.

Ironically Armando too is a people pleaser and feels like he has little to no control over his destiny.

So flings with Models become a form to cope. Though for a long time he enjoys those flings and what it entitles as it makes him feel good about himself, he is able to decide who he has a fling with but then it no longer is that.

My OC's addiction is driven by the desire of feeling wanted and needed. It boost her self-esteem though when it's over with she feels empty and hollow inside and we get a scene of Armando expressing those exact feelings to Mario the night he meets Ms. Colombia.

As they are leaving the cocktail Mario is upset that he[Armando] was leaving because he was so close to closing in on Ms. Colombia being his next conquest and that he couldn't change her for Marcela, who was always going to be there. Armando goes to explain something to him. He tells him that though at first he does get excited over the women and he does want to sleep with them that as soon as it's over he feels nothing anymore, that he doesn't enjoy it anymore.

This is part of a cycle and we see that.

Armando, before Betty, has the idea that if he falls in love it will be with a physically perfect woman who knows where she's standing and the only person that is like that is Marcela. He's got three reasons to marry her: He wanted her vote, his parents, and because she's what is mentioned above.

When Betty is introduce into his life she isn't what he expects in his dream woman. He expects perfection in a physical sense. However Betty has everything he wants in his dream woman in substance and personality.

He knows he likes Betty's personality but because she isn't physically perfect, he believes he isn't interested in her or attracted to her but because he likes her personality so much he believes he's entitled to her which is what drives his jealousy, it is not love.

Armando isn't in love with Betty here or at least not yet.

Betty embodies everything he wants and desires in a woman. She is humble, kind, respectful, unconditional, faithful, smart, like really smart and he likes that about her a lot, submissive and selfless.

However because the package isn't what he thinks is perfect, he cancels out. He denies that he likes her and he denies that he cares about her because of it.

So when Mario suggest for Armando to make Betty fall in love, Armando is apprehensive and disgusted by it.

Let's be honest, Betty isn't ugly! She's adorable! I will fight anyone who disagrees with this. Betty is cute and has always been cute.

I have spoken about Armando's emotional confusion a lot in the past few days but I haven't spoken about the mechanics of the confusion he is dealing with.

Denial is a strong defense mechanism. Subconsciously he has feelings for Betty and is attracted to her because of her personality but consciously he isn't. The mystery of the mind is never ending.

sub·con·scious /səbˈkänSHəs/

adjective of or concerning the part of the mind of which one is not fully aware but which influences one's actions and feelings. "my subconscious fear"

Armando's behavior towards finding out that Betty is in love has been dominated by his subconscious. However when it comes to facing those feelings he enters denial, therefore he cannot fathom the idea of ever being involved with someone so "ugly".

con·scious /ˈkän(t)SHəs/

adjective aware of and responding to one's surroundings; awake.

Armando is aware that Betty isn't his ideal of the type of women he is physically attracted to. He is aware the she isn't the standard of beauty.

Due to this he is refusing to listen to Mario.

Now that we understand this we can continue with the episode breakdown.

After Betty leaves, Armando is upset because Nicolas is the General Manager of Terra Moda(it feeds his paranoia talked about in the Betty, My Betty Part 3 post) .

Once again Armando and Mario switch roles. Armando is now aware of his conscious desires and he's sticking by them. Mario however is aware of Armando's subconscious desires.

Mario tries to level with him. He tells him that they can tell Betty to fire him but Armando rejects that by telling him that he does a good job and that Betty says he's important for Terra Moda, therefore Eco Moda, again this shows that Armando doesn't distrust of them in a professional sense. So they both agree that they shouldn't tell Betty to fire him. Mario first suggested that they reverse the seizure against Eco Moda and Armando goes on to reject that and explain why they can't do that. So Mario tells Armando that they need to think of something because it is a business deal involving them three; Armando, Himself, and Betty.

They agree that asking Betty to fire or take away so much responsibility from Nic could give way to Betty becoming hostile and resentful. Mario tells him that it would also be unfair since she's always been so unconditional with the both, Armando agrees.

We get to divides here. Two sides of the nickel.

Mario's priority and main concern is keeping Eco Moda and Armando as president for what it gives him.

Armando's priority is Betty's love life(Why else would he be so worried about her love life? A normal boss wouldn't care about your love life. Armando knows that Betty is a good and trustworthy employee and he said so himself).

Mario as always watched Armando carefully. The third and best option would have been to simply talk to Betty and be professionals and leave things alone and not doing anything about Betty's love life.

Mario tells Armando "Well the best option is to make Betty fall in love with you."

Armando goes on to say that he would never do that because he doesn't have the desire to and doesn't want to because Betty is ugly(this is why I said what I did above). Mario stops using the fear of losing Eco Moda and goes for the emotional because he knows that it will affect Armando's subconscious that will dominate him like it had been all day long.

"You're the perfect candidate because if it weren't for Nicolas showing up, I could have sworn she was in love with you. No, seriously, look at the way she looks at you, she's always been unconditional with you(he knows this is one of the qualities that Armando likes about Betty as he always lists it). My friend, if there's anyone that is capable of fighting against Nicolas Mora, it's the president of Eco Moda(here he is appealing to Armando's ego)."

What does Mario get out of all of this? Reputation in tact which allows him to continue living his best single life, which he said himself is his most prized possession. So it is important to him that Armando does whatever it takes to keep Betty from doing anything to get a husband(post Betty, My Betty! Part 3).

Fast forward Armando is in Marcela's apartment after the new collection launch and they're fighting because Armando let Betty into the event.

He not only defends his decision of inviting her as his guest but Betty's job and her role in the new collection. Marcela scoffs and they continue to argue.

What captured my attention though is that Armando tells Marcela that she can't be in a competing so absurd with a woman like Betty and shouldn't be in a feminine competition with her.

Armando is now go to the otherside of the room so we get his back as Marcela starts to speak ("You're wrong Armando I don't view her as a woman")and as she says "I am offended that you would think I feel she's a feminine competition-" Armando now looks at her confused.

Either he is confused because he doesn't understand what Marcela is trying to say or once again his subconscious is dominating him here.

The takeaway is that in Armando's mind Betty is a woman, ugly, but a woman nonetheless. He is confused as to why Marcela doesn't view her as a woman but still behaves the way she does.

We again get a classic scene of Betty writing in her diary as we hear her dialogue and get scenes of Armando in Marcela's bed.

We see Armando thinking about what Mario told him earlier that night.

When Mario told him that he would've sworm that Betty was in love with him[Armando] in that scene we didn't really get a reaction from him. He had a poke face but here, as he is thinking about it all he has a different look.

We stop getting a visual flashback, only an auditory one after Mario told him "I could've sworn she was in love with you." and the frame we're getting is Armando's face while laying in bed. He seems hopeful. The exact same expression he had when Betty told him that she didn't have anything with Nicolas.

We hear Mario's voice when he told him "If there's anyone who can fight Nicolas for Betty's love, it's the president of Eco Moda." Armando shifts in bed and covers his face. We then fade to Betty asleep on her bed and get another fade to Armando, this allows us to know that they are about to have another shared dream.

Armando is the mvp of this dream ss the camera focuses on him right away.

He seems happy in this dream as he runs around with Betty in a field with bright green grass and trees. He continues turns to look at Betty or allows Betty to lead him. Then in the dream Betty disappears and Armando is left alone, searching around him with a scared expression on his face until Betty finally appears in front of him. She nears him with her lips slightly puckered and Armando smiles and as well moves in closer until Betty runs away from him again.

The dreams shows us this two more times where Betty runs from him until the final time when Armando finds her and they near for a kiss we then get a real world Armando in bed shaking his head mumbling no, we can assume they are kissing in the dream.

This foretells what is to come. In Betty's eyes this is a good dream but we also know that due to her past Betty is afraid to love again which we're told this by her constant running away from Armando in the dream.

Armando's fear is brought to light in this dream that is of him losing Betty as it reoccurs more than once and each time he goes out to find her. There is times when he does want to kiss her but Betty pulls away and runs and then on the final one he becomes conscious in his dream(yes that happens, it's called lucid dreaming and sometimes it randomly happens).

The fact we kept getting fades from both Armando and Betty sleeping lets us know this was a dream simontainsly happening at the same time and it isn't until after they actually kiss that Armando's conscious starts to wake him up.

Marcela then finishes waking him up in the real world and asks Armando what he was dreaming, he tells her a horrible nightmare.

Again, Armando is aware that he doesn't find Betty to be his ideal perfect woman or the beauty standard. You know, she's "ugly" so having something physical even in a dream is a nightmare to him. The thing to take note of is that he was enjoying the beginning of that dream and it demonstrates his subconscious feelings.

We already Betty loved that dream.

The next morning Marcela mentions that if he doesn't talk about the dream he must secretly want it to come true.

His coping mechanism towards this entire situation has been denial. It protects him from having to face his true feelings and fears. It protects him from something he isn't ready to deal with yet.

He starts choking on his juice and coughing as Marcela watches him.

Marcela telling him this pushes him to face those fears of his, the fear that he does like Betty and that he does care about her more than just his employee however again, he is in denial therefore unable to understand this.

[You know I will write a post about how Aura Maria and Freddy are a parallel of Betty and Armando.]

Neither Betty or Armando talk about their dream to anyone, or at least the real content of said dream, which based on what Marcela insinuated, Armando secretly wants that dream to come true.

This is a fact because later on when Armando has that nightmare of Betty making out with Nicolas inside the new car they got, he tells Marcela about the nightmare or at least some distorted version of it, because he doesn't want that nightmare to come true. This time though he doesn't talk about it.

Betty clarifies the situation between Nicola and her roll in Terra Moda and Armando thanks her for it.

When she goes into her office Armando tells Mario that he's right about making Betty fall in love.

This next scene I already broke down in another post. Armando suggest Mario for the job because he knows that Mario would never fall in love with Betty but at least it would secure the company. However since Mario would never fall in love with Betty that would mean that he wouldn't have competition since you know these two pigs share everything.

Not only that but it would mean that he gets to avoid and deny his feelings without the worry of Nicolas and Betty ending up together and Nicolas turning her against him.

Armando tells Mario that he gets that it's the more logical thing that he[Armando] is the one to make Betty fall in love but that it's not morally correct.

He gets angry as he tells him that he can't do that to her, a woman who has been very special to him, too special towards him. Again this shows that Armando takes notice and likes that Betty treats him the way she does and because of that he doesn't want to hurt her and he knows that she doesn't deserve that.

However Mario then pulls the "your parents will be so disappointed and angry at you if you lose the company. So do you have to decide whether you'll be a rat to your parents or Betty."

As they discuss the sinister plan they solely based the problem in the physicality. As Armando even said himself the only bad thing about the plan was that Betty was ugly. If Betty wasn't ugly Armando wouldn't be afraid to face his feelings therefore be upfront about them.

However because she is it clashes with all his other traits. His ego, vanity, obsession with perfection and the fact he was unable to be in control over who he ends up falling in love with or liking.

I don't know what worse, Armando knowing how selfish the plan is against Betty and still going along with the it for the sake of the company and his unwillingness to admit to his parents that he was wrong or Mario knowing exactly what's going and how to manipulate Armando to do this and not caring about his best friends feelings and the guilt he will carry on as long as Armando remains president for his own greed.

In the next post I will breakdown the scene in which Armando drunkenly confesses somewhat his very confused feelings.

'Til next time :)

Ps. Sorry for all this typos! I'm an insomniac so I usually write these sleep deprived lol.

[ingek73]

For Meghan Markle, leaving Britain must seem more and more like the right choice

Afua Hirsch

The Duchess of Sussex, a woman of colour, has faced relentless media attacks – and had no protection from the palace

Published: 17:54 Friday, 05 March 2021

‘The media has used Meghan’s private life for a feeding frenzy.’ Photograph: AFP/Getty Images

Racism is a lucrative business. When it comes to Meghan Markle, the media’s strategy is transparent. Tabloids pillory her with a range of mostly ludicrous allegations – her baby bump is too prominent, her avocados are not “woke”, her earrings are drenched in blood – and then networks double up with manufactured debates in which anti-racist commentators try to push back on those narratives.

It’s no wonder that, in the teaser for his forthcoming interview with Oprah Winfrey, Prince Harry referred to history repeating itself. We saw a similar strategy of obsession and vilification play out with his mother. The genius of it then and now – from a tabloid perspective – is that they as perpetrators are also the major beneficiaries, as their endless coverage racks up clicks and newspaper sales.

Knowing this, and being aware that this discourse is rarely designed to achieve progress or change, has made me reluctant to continue entering the fray. I have not answered the literally hundreds of calls I’ve received recently from broadcast networks, asking me to comment first on the state of Meghan’s womb (presumably the entire nation feels entitled to have a view), and then on her decision to speak to Winfrey.

There is the general obsession with celebrities and royals, and then there is the particular shape this obsession takes when the object in question is a woman of colour.

It’s hardly breaking news that the British media is often driven by deeply racist instincts. You never have to look far to illustrate the point. “Do you look at [Meghan] and see a black woman? Cause I don’t,” said LBC host Andrew Pierce. “I see a very attractive woman. It’s never occurred to me.”

The idea that being attractive and being black are mutually exclusive has a long history in Britain. The very first time I was interviewed by a newspaper, aged 18, I was asked to comment on Jeffrey Archer’s view that, in the past, “your head did not turn in the road if a black woman passed you because they were badly dressed, they were probably overweight and they probably had a lousy job”. (At the time Archer was the Conservative candidate for mayor of London.)

Pierce simply offered us an up-to-date example of how, confronted with Meghan – a black woman he does consider attractive – commentators reconcile this apparent anomaly by reclassifying her as not black at all. And so that cycle continues.

So does the one involving the character assassination of women of colour as a kind of sport. The Mail on Sunday was willing to break the law – as a recent high court summary judgment established – and to take its attack on Meghan to a new low. Having obtained and published a distressing handwritten letter from Meghan to her estranged father, the tabloid deployed a handwriting expert to reveal that her penmanship shows her to be, “a showman and a narcissist”, “self-aware” and “self-oriented”, someone who suffers from “anxiety”. It would be strange not to suffer from anxiety, wouldn’t it, when the media is using your private life for a feeding frenzy, and the institution capable of shielding you – in this case, Buckingham Palace – has decided to sit back and watch?

Indeed, the palace has decided that this precise moment – days before the Sussex’s highly anticipated interview with Oprah Winfrey is broadcast – is the right time to launch an investigation into allegations of bullying made by former royal aides against Meghan three years ago.

Bullying allegations must be taken seriously. That should have been the case for home secretary Priti Patel, who was found culpable of abusing senior civil servants and has just paid out £340,000 to one of her accusers. Yet despite being accountable to the electorate, her political career seems unscathed by this. Clearly she plays a useful role for Boris Johnson, who has consistently protected her, even when she was found by his independent adviser to have broken the ministerial code, which is normally a resigning offence.

It’s richly ironic therefore that the media – which has relentlessly bullied Meghan, including most intensely during two periods when she has been pregnant – is now consumed with these latest allegations that she herself is a bully. It’s also not without context because – as numerous black women have attested of their experiences in white spaces – we are frequently perceived as threatening.

I have my own painful memories of how, as a teenager, younger children at my school said they found me “terrifying”, and how I was dubbed “Scary Spice”. Being biracial did not exempt me from being perceived as frightening simply because of my physical appearance.

It’s difficult to compare these personal experiences to those facing Meghan, because she has become a fixation of the global news media in ways few of us can imagine. She is in this position because of her relationship to the palace – a unique institution that creates global superstars who are not elected, not accountable to the electorate. In her case, she no longer even lives at the taxpayers’ expense.

And yet there is so much the palace could have done to provide Meghan with the same shielding that other senior members of the royal family enjoy. For Prince Andrew, who has faced allegations of involvement in sexual abuse, a palace spin doctor even tried to enlist the help of an online troll to discredit the prince’s accuser.

I would condemn the idea of discrediting Meghan’s sex abuse accusers; except she doesn’t have any. I would criticise Meghan for visiting Saudi Arabia, as other members of the royal family have on many occasions; except she has never set foot there.

Instead, she reportedly wore a pair of earrings gifted by Prince Mohammed bin Salman, whose track record of extreme human rights abuses, including authorising the murder of Jamal Khashoggi and the dismal war in Yemen, has not prevented our nation from selling him arms. I doubt the royal family will open an investigation into this particular allegation anyway, since doing so would offer an inconvenient reminder to countries in the former empire – now its Commonwealth friends – of how much of royal treasure was stolen from them.

I would criticise Meghan for furthering Prince Philip’s current state of ill health, except – contrary to the suggestion of one royal commentator – it has nothing to do with her whatsoever. If Meghan can be linked to murder for wearing jewellery, I dread to think what she’d be blamed for were his condition to get worse.

The greatest irony in all this, of course, is that Meghan left Britain – as I suspect we will discover with some clarity when her Oprah interview is broadcast – to get away from the toxic and racially motivated media obsession with her. And yet even in its remarkable track record of denying her the basic human expectations of privacy, the media are outdoing themselves all over again in proving that her judgment was right.

Afua Hirsch is a Guardian columnist

[terramythos]

TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 16 of 26

Title: Tales From Earthsea (Earthsea Cycle #5) (2001)

Author: Ursula K. Le Guin

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Short Story Collection, Novella, Third-Person, Female Protagonist 

Rating: 8/10 (note: this is an average)

Date Began: 7/2/2021

Date Finished: 7/6/2021

Tales From Earthsea is a collection of five short stories and novellas which take place in the Earthsea universe. In addition, there’s a supplementary timeline of Earthsea’s history, tradition, and cultural details of note. The last story in the collection, Dragonfly, serves as a bridge between Tehanu (#4) and The Other Wind (#6), the final book in the series. 

Of the five stories, my favorites (both 10/10s) were The Finder and On The High Marsh.

The way one does research into nonexistent history is to tell the story and find out what happened. I believe this isn’t very different from what historians of the so-called real world do. Even if we are present at some historic event, do we comprehend it— can we even remember it— until we can tell it in a story? 

Content warnings, individual ratings/commentary, and spoilers below the cut.

Content warnings for the book: Death and violence, child abuse (including implied sexual abuse), police brutality, slavery, reference to torture and execution, brief reference to inc*st, misogyny, animal cruelty, mild body horror, very brief implied mind control via a "love charm" (it doesn't work).

#1 - The Finder (10/10)

In The Dark Time, magic is widely mistrusted. Petty tyrants use the once noble art in pursuit of power and glory. Medra, the son of a shipwright in Havnor, has magical talents honed in secret. One day, he curses a ship built for a warlord’s fleet. Unfortunately, he gets caught and sent to a prison camp. There he is forced to use finding magic to locate veins of cinnabar.

The prison exists to refine quicksilver, a substance the most powerful mage on the island believes will turn him into a god. While in the refinery, Medra feels a spiritual connection to a dying slave, a young woman named Anieb. The two of them devise a plan to kill the mage and escape. Medra’s journey eventually takes him to the island of Roke and the founding of its prestigious wizard school. 

‘The dead are dead. The great and mighty go their way unchecked. All the hope left in the world is in the people of no account.’ 

I really enjoyed this novella. The Dark Time is largely unexplored in the stories of Earthsea, so it was interesting to read about it here. I get the feeling that we’re approaching or in the middle of one such time in the real world, so seeing a version of it on the page is depressing yet hopeful. The story is dark; mass feudal warfare, a literal concentration camp in the opening half, widespread enslavement, and abuse of power. But it also offers hope and the promise of change. The story also explores the integral role of women in not only the preservation of magic in a bleak age of humanity, but the very foundation of Roke. 

Medra’s story spoke to me; how he resists the despotic powers-that-be, his connection with Anieb even after her tragic death, and how despite his disillusionment with humanity, he ultimately fights to create a better world. I also thought Gelluk was a horrifying villain. He’s characterized as a soft-spoken, almost kindly man who loves children and animals— yet his narrative thoughts involve burning hundreds of slaves alive in order to better fuel the quicksilver refinery. “Nice doesn’t mean good” taken to an extreme, and a mirror of many villains in the real world. 

Le Guin was anti-capitalist, but that way of thinking seems peripheral in the Earthsea series. The Finder, however, definitely has a Marxist reading in it. A recurring theme is the disenfranchised rising up against the powerful. Indeed both antagonists, who are despotic wizards of great power, are soundly defeated by groups of people they consider powerless. Magic is only considered relevant for the value and power it produces, an idea antithetical to the rest of the series. The quicksilver refinery also embraces anti-capitalist rhetoric; this section focuses on how mass enslavement and death is used to manufacture a meaningless commodity only one person “benefits” from. That’s not even getting into the prison-industrial complex. 

I dunno. This story slaps. It’s not at all what I expected from a Roke origin story.

#2 - Diamond and Darkrose (5/10)

Diamond, the son of a prosperous lumber merchant, struggles to find his true calling in life. His father disapproves of almost everything he does, including his close friendship with the local witch’s daughter Rose. While he loves music, his father derides his talents and forces him to abandon the pursuit. When Diamond shows some  promise in magic, he travels to a neighboring town to serve as the local wizard’s apprentice. But when this path estranges him from Rose, he grows disillusioned.

Rose had looked after herself from an early age; and this was one of the reasons Diamond loved her. With her, he knew what freedom was. Without her, he could attain it only when he was hearing and singing and playing music.

I did not like this story very much. I gave Diamond and Darkrose a 5/10 because it’s competently written (duh), and the protagonist has a character arc not entirely dependent on the central romance. But that’s about all I can say for it.

None of the characters are especially appealing. Diamond’s mentor figures are all extremely narrow-minded. Rose, supposedly his true love since childhood, drops him the moment things become difficult. And Diamond himself is a pushover who only grows a spine and pursues his dreams at the end of the story. I understand that’s his character flaw and his arc is about overcoming that. But due to all these factors, I was annoyed by every major character. The only person I didn’t dislike was Diamond’s mother, who only shows up for a couple of scenes.

Someone please tell me there are love stories out there where the romantic tension is NOT based on a fucking MISUNDERSTANDING. That shit drives me up a wall! It’s so overdone and painful to read.

#3 - The Bones of the Earth (8/10)

Dulse is an aging wizard on the island of Gont, reflecting on his life and relationship with his former apprentice, a young man he calls Silence. But he senses something amiss on the island; a massive earthquake poised to destroy a nearby port town and its inhabitants. To avert disaster, Dulse realizes he must turn to an ancient form of magic taught to him long ago— and he needs Silence’s help to save the town.

In there he knew he should hurry, that the bones of the earth ached to move, and that he must become them to guide them, but he could not hurry. There was on him the bewilderment of any transformation. He had in his day been fox, and bull, and dragonfly, and knew what it was to change being. But this was different, this slow enlargement. I am vastening, he thought.

So I’ve always liked Ogion in the main series; I love the idea of an immensely powerful wizard who lives an unassuming life of silence, contemplation, and appreciation of the natural world. In The Bones of the Earth, we get a glimpse of Ogion through his mentor’s eyes. Ogion’s heroism and how he stopped the earthquake is mentioned several times in the main series, but this is our first look at what actually happened.

Dulse is an unexpected and fascinating perspective character. It would be so easy to tell this story wholly from Ogion’s perspective, but I think making Dulse the protagonist was the right call. In particular, Dulse’s mind is starting to go. Le Guin presents this by utilizing flashbacks and connecting them to the present. This technique conveys Dulse’s disorientation and confusion so the reader experiences it alongside him... it’s hard to describe without actually reading the story. I also loved the little twist at the end regarding where Dulse learned the ancient magic that saves the island. There’s also a strong thematic connection to The Farthest Shore; death and becoming one with the rest of the world.

#4 - On The High Marsh (10/10)

A half-mad wanderer named Irioth comes upon a small settlement on the volcanic, marshy island of Semel. A murrain has been devastating the local cattle population, and Irioth offers his powers as a curer to heal the animals. He settles into a calm rural life with Gift, a widow working a small dairy. Though Gift likes Irioth, and the animals instinctively trust him, she senses something amiss with the man. Soon, Irioth’s dark past threatens to return and disturb the peace.

“Oh, yes,” Irioth said. “It was my fault.” But she forgave, and the grey cat was pressed up against his thigh, dreaming. The cat’s dreams came into his mind, in the low fields where he spoke with the animals, the dusky places. The cat leapt there, and then there was milk, and the deep soft thrilling. There was no fault, only the great innocence. No need for words. They would not find him here. He was not here to find. There was no need to speak any name. There was nobody but her, and the cat dreaming, and the fire flickering. He had come over the dead mountain on black roads, but here the streams ran slow among the pastures.

This story is a banger. It has a Western vibe— a stranger coming into a cattle town haunted by a mysterious past. Also cowboys. It’s an atmospheric story, and I think hits on the “small rural town” vibe better than Tehanu did. But there were several writing choices I especially liked.

We don’t learn Irioth’s name until a little while into the story; his physical description, temperament, and ability to immediately identify Gift’s true name just by looking at her makes one assume he’s Ged. He’s also got an interesting redemption arc, because it’s presented in a reverse order. We see Irioth’s genuine desire to do good, and his gentle and patient manner with animals and other people. He doesn’t even consider asking for payment for curing the murrain until Gift tells him he should. But there’s a sense that something is off; he’s paranoid, clearly running from something. The use-name he picks is Otak, a fictional ferret-like creature— which Gift asserts looks nice, but has sharp teeth.

Near the end, Ged actually does show up and explain what happened to Irioth. They have pretty similar backstories; both were powerful, arrogant young mages who messed with forces  they shouldn’t have, then went through great personal sacrifice to right the wrong (oh god the initial deception was intentional they’re narrative foils oh god). Ged embraced the darkest aspects of himself to avert calamity. Irioth came to Semel to escape Roke and atone by helping others. One detail I especially liked was that Irioth once considered healing beneath him, but now he takes a deep joy in using it to help. 

#5 - Dragonfly (8/10)

Irian lives a solitary life-- her father is a drunkard living in the ruins of their family’s once prosperous estate. Her closest relationship is with the local village witch, who named her in secret in the dead of night.  When a disgraced young wizard named Ivory comes to town, he sees Irian as a potential conquest. To gain power over her, he hatches a scheme; disguise Irian as a man, travel to Roke, and sneak her into the male-only wizard school— humiliating the great Masters.

But Irian is restless. She knows she has power, but her true nature is a mystery even to her. Irian sees Ivory’s plan as an opportunity to find answers from the most powerful wizards in the world. When the Doorkeeper actually lets her into the school, she finds herself in a magical and political conflict over the future of Roke— and discovers what exactly she is.

“Dark is bad,” said the Patterner. “Eh?”

Irian drew a deep breath and looked at him eye to eye as they sat there. “Only in dark the light,” she said.

This is one of those stories that has a rocky start, but a great second half. The first part of the novella felt dry to me; I’ve read plenty of tales about social outcasts with weird, unexplainable powers. On top of this, a chunk of the early narration is from Ivory’s POV, and he’s a complete tool. That can be a fun perspective to take, and I like the fact that he thinks he’s manipulating Irian when she’s the one pulling the strings. But since he’s an irrelevant character who disappears from the story halfway through, it feels like a waste to devote a huge chunk of the story to him.

However, once Irian arrives at Roke, the story gets much more interesting. Her presence at Roke causes a huge scandal that divides the Masters. Women being forbidden from Roke is a Series Thing at this point, but Earthsea is in an era of change (although I DO question that she’s the first woman to try it). The Finder demonstrated that women were pivotal in the foundation of Roke, something largely erased from history. Barring women stems from a power hungry bigot codifying it into tradition.

Irian finds some unexpected allies--minor characters in the previous books. The Doorkeeper continues to be the coolest motherfucker there. The Patterner is a major character in this story; he was in just one scene in The Farthest Shore, so I liked learning more about him. The Namer is the kind of guy you’d expect to be a stodgy traditionalist, so him siding with Irian is surprising. The Summoner, a heroic figure in previous books and stories, is a sinister villain here. As for the ending, well… if you didn’t see it coming, I’d wonder if you even read Tehanu. The same hints are there.

There were little particulars I liked, such as Irian moving into a decrepit hut that’s definitely Medra’s old home. My favorite detail is that this story has a parallel scene with The Finder. In The Finder, there’s a scene where an antagonist, Early, invades Roke in the form of a dragon. He lands on Roke Knoll, a site of power that reveals one’s true form. It turns him back into a human, leaving him defenseless when the residents of Roke attack him and repel his invasion. The reversal happens in Dragonfly. Irian gets attacked by one of the Masters while at Roke Knoll — and its magic turns her into her true form, a dragon. Props to whoever picked the cover design, since it references both scenes.

#6 - A Description of Earthsea

I’m not rating this since it’s basically a lore dump. It’s a deep dive into Earthsea’s history, languages, cultures, and other relevant world details. It’s the kind of bonus info a lot of fantasy series tack on as reference material.  According to Le Guin, she wrote this to get some idea of the timeline on each of these stories.

As a series, Earthsea has relatively little worldbuilding exposition. Sometimes characters reference legends or historical events, but usually the reader lacks the context to fully understand them. The focus is more on the lives of the characters and their personal experience of the world. I think something like A Description of Earthsea has benefits and drawbacks for the reader. On one hand it's nice to have some definitive information to tie things together. On the other, this does represent a loss of some of the mystery in the story.

I think this is the first thing in the series that even mentions homosexuality, so props for that I guess?

Closing Thoughts

A short story collection is always going to have high and low points. I tend to look at each story individually and score that way, but an average is always misleading. Diamond and Darkrose dragged the score down since there were only five stories total. But I enjoyed the majority of them. I am interested to see where the human/dragon subplot goes in the final installment; I assume Irian will show up at some point? We’ll see.

[innuendostudios]

Here’s How to Radicalize a Normie, a video essay on how the Alt-Right and their fellow travelers recruit. Clocking in at 41 minutes, 6756 words, 633 individual drawings, and 27 sources (including three full books), it is by far the longest and most heavily-researched video in The Alt-Right Playbook. I am very tired.

It took so long to put this behemoth together that my Patreon started to dip. So, maybe a little more than usual, if you want to keep seeing videos like these, please consider backing me on Patreon.

Transcript below the cut.

Say, for the sake of argument, your friend Gabe is starting to worry you.

Gabe’s always been just, you know, a regular guy. Not very political. He likes video games, sci-fi, comics, Star Wars, and anime. White guy shit. The only offbeat thing about him is you suspect there’s like a 20% chance he’s a furry. For all intents and purposes, Gabe is a normie.

But recently Gabe’s been spending a lot of time on some radically conservative forums, and listening to radically conservative podcasts, and picking some radically conservative arguments with you and your friends. You never would have expected this, not from Gabe, and, given the speed it’s happened, it’s worrying to think where it might be headed.

How have the Alt-Right gotten their hooks into your friend?

If you’ve ever known a Gabe, this video is for you. Here’s How to Radicalize a Normie.

Step 1: Identify the Audience

What you need to know before we begin is: around 2013, the Nazis went online.

Hate groups in the US, as tracked by the Southern Poverty Law Center, had been growing in number since the noughts, but, between 2012 and 2014, they dropped by almost a quarter. Patriot groups dropped by over a third. However, hate crimes stayed about the same. Radical conservatism was not shrinking, but decentralizing. Still radical, still often violent, but now full of white nationalist nomads unlikely to join a formal organization.

This didn’t make them harmless. What it did was protect their asses from the typical hate group cycle: getting the public’s attention, making allies in conservative media, swelling their numbers, and then eventually disgracing themselves with failures, infighting, and, often enough, members committing horrific acts of violence, which come with social and sometimes legal consequences for all the other members.

So the Alt-Right and their fellow travelers these days don’t so much have members. They have hashtags, followers, viewers, and subscribers. This insulates them from their own audience. If Gabe, as a member of that audience, were to go out and commit a crime on their behalf, there’d be little doubt they had a hand in radicalizing him, but it’d be very hard to claim they told him to do it. On some of these sites, where Gabe spends hours and hours of his day, he’s never created an account or left a comment; the people radicalizing him don’t even know he’s there.

This distributed nature is what makes the Alt-Right, and the movements connected to it, unique. (You may remember a notable proof-of-concept for this strategy.) Doing almost everything online has, as compared with traditional hate movements, dramatically increased their reach and inoculated them from consequence. The trade-off, as we will see, is a lack of control.

And so we come to Gabe.

Gabe exists at the intersection of the kinds of people the Alt-Right is looking for - straight white cis men who feel emasculated by modern society, primarily, though they do make exceptions - and the kinds of people who are vulnerable to recruitment. Gabe fits the first profile in that he got bullied in high school, and often feels he has to hide his nerdy side for fear of getting ridiculed. The Alt-Right also has success with men who can’t get laid or recently got divorced or feel anxious about an influx of non-white people in their community. These things can make one feel like less than the confident white man they’re “supposed” to be. And it’s the closest they will ever come to being minoritized.

Regarding the second profile, it’s important to know that Gabe is not categorically different from you or me. He’s a cishet white dude - his problems are not unique. There isn’t a ton of research into the demography of the Alt-Right, but there may be a higher-than-average chance Gabe has a history of being abused or comes from a broken home. You don’t know if it’s true of Gabe, he’s never said. But most abuse survivors don’t become Nazis. The things that make people like Gabe recruitable tend to be situational: it happens often during periods of transition, as dramatic as the death of a loved or as benign as moving to a new city. Things that make people ask big life questions. Gabe has concerns like economic precarity, not knowing his place in a changing world, stressful working conditions. In other words, Gabe is suffering under late capitalism, same as everyone, and it’s entirely plausible he could have gone down the path to becoming a Leftist.

This is not to make an “economic anxiety” argument: the animating force of the Far Right is and always has been bigotry. But the Alt-Right targets Gabe by treating his “economic anxiety” as one of many things bigotry can be sold as a solution to. It is their aim that, when dissatisfied white men go looking for answers, they find the Alt-Right before they find us.

Step Two: Establish a Community

Were Gabe pledging an old-school hate movement, there would probably be a recruiter to usher him into an existing community. But that’s the kind of formalized interaction modern extremists try to avoid. Online extremism has many points of entry, and everybody’s journey is unique, so rather than be comprehensive we will focus on what are, in my estimation, the two most common pathways: the Far Right creates a community Gabe is likely to stumble into, or infiltrates a community Gabe is already in.

The stumble-upon method has two main branches, one of which is just “Gabe ends up on a chan board,” which we’ve already done a video about. The other is kind of the polar opposite of 4chan’s cult of anonymity: Gabe ends up in the fandom of a Far Right thought leader.

These folks are charismatic media personalities (that’s charismatic according to Gabe’s tastes, not ours; I don’t understand it, either). These personalities may gain traction on any number of platforms, from podcasts to reportage to blogging, though the most effective platform for redpilling is, and yes I am biting the hand that feeds me, YouTube. They may get Gabe’s attention through fairly standard means, like talking about or even generating controversy to get themselves trending, while some of the more committed will employ dubious SEO tactics like clickbait, google bombing, and data voids (just pause for definitions, we don’t have time).

What they tend to have in common, especially the most accessible ones, is that they don’t present themselves as entry points to the radical Right. In fact, many did not set out to be Far Right thought leaders, and may not think of themselves as such (though they are often selling products, of which the Alt-Right are among their biggest purchasers, and it’s not like they’re turning the money away). How they present is the same way anyone presents who wants to be successful on social media: accessible, approachable, authentic. The face-to-face relationship a budding extremist forms with their recruiter or the leader of their hate group’s local chapter are here folded into one parasocial relationship with a complete stranger.

Why this person appeals to Gabe is they’re not selling politics as politics, but conservatism as a kind of lifestyle brand. They rely heavily on criticizing or ridiculing the Left: feminists are oversensitive, Black people unintelligent, queer folks doomed to loneliness, and trans people insane; I dunno if it’s a coincidence that these are all things Gabe thinks about himself in his low moments. By contrast, they don’t sell conservatism as having sounder policies or a more coherent moral framework, but that abandoning progressive principles and embracing conservative ones will make Gabe happier. Remember, Gabe isn’t looking for white nationalism or misogyny, what he wants is the cure to soul-sickness, and these friendly micro-celebs are here to offer a shot of life advice with politics as the chaser. It is extremely important that politics be presented as a set of affects, not a set of beliefs.

The second pathway is infiltration, which is its own beast. Media personalities sometimes become gateways to the Right almost by accident: they do something edgy, a part of their audience reacts positively, and, facing no real consequence, they do it more; this leads to further positive reinforcement from conservative fans, the rest of the audience acclimates, and the cycle repeats, the personality pushing the envelope further and further based on what flies with their increasingly conservative audience. In this way, they become a right-wing figure by both radicalizing and being radicalized by their audience.

Infiltration is deliberate.

The Far Right will reliably target any community that has 1) a large, white, male population, 2) whose niche interests allow them to feel vaguely marginalized, and 3) who are not used to progressive critique of said interests. This isn’t to say progressive critique doesn’t exist, or hasn’t been baked into the property from the beginning, but that it has been, so far, easy for white guys to ignore. As such, progressives within that community probably don’t talk politics much, and women and minorities are perfectly welcome to post, same as anyone, but just, you know, don’t, don’t make identity politics, you know, like, a thing.

Given Gabe’s proclivities, he’s probably already in a number of fan communities where he can geek out and not get teased. And this is where the Far Right will go looking for him

Communities are at their most vulnerable to infiltration at times of political discord. This can happen naturally - say, a new property in the fandom has a Black protagonist - or it can be provoked - say, a bunch of channers join the forum and say provocative things about race to get people arguing - or both. Left to its own devices, the community might sort out its differences and maybe even come out more progressive than they started. But, with the right pressure applied in the right moment, these communities can devolve into arguments about the need to remove a nebulously-defined “politics” from the conversation.

The adage about bros on the internet is “‘political’ means anything I disagree with,” but it’d be more accurate to say, here, “‘political’ means anything on which the community disagrees.” For instance, “Nazis are bad” is an apolitical statement because everyone in the community agrees. It’s common sense, and therefore neutral. But, paradoxically, “Nazis are good” is also apolitical; because “Nazis are bad” is the consensus, “Nazis are good” must be just an edgy joke, and, even if not, the community already believes the opposite, so the statement is harmless. Tolerable. However, “feminism is good” is a political statement, because the community hasn’t reached consensus. It is debatable, and therefore political, and you should stop talking about it. And making political arguments, no matter how rational, is having an agenda, and having an agenda is ruining the community.

(Now, it is curious how the things that provoke the most disagreement tend to be whichever ones make white dudes uncomfortable. One of life’s great, unanswerable mysteries.)

You can gather where this is going: a community that doesn’t tolerate progressivism but does tolerate Nazism is going to start collecting Nazis, Nazis whose goal is to drive a wedge between the community and the Left. Once the Left acknowledges, “Hey, your community’s developing a Nazi problem,” the Nazis - who are, remember, trusted, apolitical members of the community who might just be kidding about all the Nazi shit - say, “Did you hear that, guys?! Those cultural Marxists just called all of us Nazis!” Wedge. Similarly, any community members who say, “but Nazis though” are framed as infiltrators pushing an agenda, even if they’ve been there longer than the Nazis have. They get the wedge, too.

This is how fandoms radicalize. They are built as - yeah, I’ll say it - safe spaces for nerds, weebs, and furries, and are told that the Left is a threat to their safety. Given a choice between leaving a community that has mattered to him for years and simply adjusting to the community’s shifting politics, the assumption is that Gabe will stay. This assumption is right often enough that a lot of fandoms have been colonized.

What is true of both of these methods - Gabe finding the Right or the Right finding him - is that Gabe does not come nor stay for the ideology. He’s here for the community, the sense of belonging, of being with his people, of having his fears validated and his enjoyment shared. The ideology is simply the price of admission.

Step Three: Isolate

There is a vast, interconnected network of Far Right communities out there, and Gabe is, at this point, only on the periphery. In order to keep him in, they need to disrupt his relationships to other communities, and become, more and more, his primary online social space. Having made this space hostile to the Left, they now seek to break his connections to progressives elsewhere in his life.

This is hard to do online. The whole appeal of moving radicalism to the internet is that your away-from-keyboard life doesn’t have to change. You are crypto the moment you log off. Some thought leaders will encourage their audience to cut ties with Family of Origin, or “deFOO,” but, even then, they can’t monitor whether the audience has actually done it the way an in-person movement could. And so alienating Gabe from the Left is less controlled, and, consequently, may be less total. How much Gabe isolates is up to him.

But the vast majority of Far Right media presumes an alienation from the Left. Part of conservative bloggers and YouTubers making the Left look pathetic is doing a lot take-downs and responses. This is a constant repetition of the Left’s arguments for the purpose of mockery, and, for Gabe, it starts to replace any engagement with progressive media directly. He soon knows the Left only through caricature. It also trains him, if he does directly engage, to approach the Left with the same combative stance as his role models. (For reference, see my comment section.) And this is only if he doesn’t partake in one of the many active boycotts of “SJW media.”

In addition to mocking the Left’s arguments, they also, curiously, appropriate them. This is one part sanitization: liberal centrism is more socially acceptable; indeed, many figures on the outer layers think of themselves as moderates, even as they serve as gateways to radicalism. But, also, many of Gabe’s problems could be addressed by progressive leftism, so they sell him racist, sexist versions of it. Yes, there is a problem with workers being underpaid and overextended, but the solution isn’t unions, it’s deporting immigrants; yes, there is a chronic loneliness and anger to being a man in the modern age, but it’s not because of the toxic masculine expectations placed on you by the patriarchy, it’s women being slutty; yes, wealth disparity does mean a tiny percentage of elites have more influence over culture and politics than the rest of us combined, but the problem isn’t capitalism, it’s the Jews. And it’s hard for Gabe to reject these ideas without, in the process, rejecting the progressive ideas they’re copied from; the Right’s “take the red pill” is, to the untrained eye, similar to the Left’s “get woke.” (Or, at least, the bowdlerized version of “get woke” that is no longer specifically about race which came to fashion when white people started saying it, grumble grumble.)

Take the red pill or reject them both; either is a step to the right.

As this rhetoric slips into his day-to-day conversation, even as seemingly harmless “irreverence,” it may strain relationships with people who are not entertained by this shit. Off-color comments about race and gender can certainly be wearying for female and non-white friends, which can lead to a passive distance or an eventual confrontation [“why is everyone but me so sensitive?!”], which only seem to confirm what his reactionary community says about liberal snowflakes. If he says these things on social media, he may get his account suspended, and, if he comes back under an alt, you can bet his new reactionary friends will be the first to reconnect, applaud the behavior that got him banned, and repeat should he get banned again. A few cycles of this and he’s lost touch with everyone else.

Also, his adoption of the insular, meme-laden terminology of this community makes him less and less comprehensible to outsiders.

Over time, sources of information get replaced with community-approved ones: conservative news, conservative YouTube, conservative Wikipedia if he’s really committed. The Algorithm soon takes note and stops recommending media from the Left. He stops watching shows with a “liberal agenda,” which usually means shows starring women and people of color. Now, there is evidence that the human mind responds to fictional characters similarly to real people, and that consuming diverse media can decrease bigotry in ways roughly analogous to having a diverse group of friends, which is one of many reasons we say representation matters. By consuming a homogenous media diet, Gabe stymies his ability to have even parasocial relationships with anyone who isn’t a cishet conservative white dude or one of their approved exceptions.

To the extent that any of this happens, it happens at Gabe’s discretion and at his own chosen pace. It has not been forced on him, only encouraged and rewarded. But the fact that it hasn’t been forced can make him all the more willing to accept it, because it seems safe to consider; even though his life and social circle are changing to accommodate, he does not feel committed. But many Gabes have walked these halls, and, if they close the door behind them, there’s nowhere left to go but down.

Step Four: Raise their Power Level

(...and they say we ruined anime.)

Consider the ecosystem of the Alt-Right as layers of an onion, with Gabe sitting at the edge and ready to traverse towards the center. (No, I’m not just going to reiterate the PewDiePipeline, though, if you haven’t seen it, go do that.)

The outer layer of the onion is extremism at its most plausibly deniable. Without careful scrutiny, the public-facing figureheads could pass as dispassionate, and the websites as merely problematic rather than softly fascist. It is valuable if Gabe believes this as well; that, at this stage, he believe the bigotry is simply trolling, the extremists an insignificant minority, and any report of harassment faked. That he believe where he is is as deep as the rabbit hole goes. And that he continue to believe this at each successive layer.

People in the deepest crevices of the Alt-Right self-report getting redpilled on multiple issues at different times in their journey to the center of the onion. If Gabe’s first red pill is about the SJWs coming for his free speech, he’ll think that’s all anyone in his community believes; there’s no racism here, people are just making a point about their right to use slurs. Then, when he gets redpilled on the white genocide, he’ll laugh at those Alt-Lite cucks who tried to sweep the race realists under the rug, and at himself for having once been one, but acknowledge that those channels and websites are still useful for onboarding people, so he won’t denounce them. At the same time, nobody takes those manosphere betas seriously.

And this process is reiterated with every pill swallowed: gender essentialism, autogynephilia, birtherism, Sandy Hook truth, pizzagate, QAnon if he’s really out there. The heart of the onion is typically the Jewish Question, but these can happen in any order, and in any number. But each layer sells itself as being, finally, the ultimate truth. Each denies the validity of the others; the layers ahead don’t exist, they’re made up my liberals, while the people behind are asleep where you are now awake. That’s why they chose “the red pill” as their metaphor: take it, and everything will be revealed. That’s why it cozies up with conspiracism. But what’s supposed to follow is that this knowledge help Gabe in some way, and it doesn’t. Blaming immigrants doesn’t actually fix the economy, and hating women doesn’t make men less lonely. But, having been alienated from everything outside the onion, once that sinks in, the only recourse on offer is to seek out the next pill.

And pills are easy to find. Those within the network have laissez-faire relationships, even as they, on paper, disavow one another. When they need a source or a guest host, they aren’t going to go to the Left; they’re going to feature each other. The Left is the enemy; their ideas are beneath consideration, and the only reason to engage them is for public humiliation. [Shapiro’s book.] But you can interview “western chauvinists” and that doesn’t mean you’re endorsing them, just, you know, it’s fine to hear ‘em out, nothing should be off-limits in the marketplace of ideas. Besides, Nazis are apolitical.

And because these folks keep showing up in each others’ metadata, regardless of what they say, Google thinks there is definitely a relationship between the guy “just asking questions” and the guy denying the Holocaust. Gabe is softly exposed to many flavors of conservatism just slightly more radical than he is now, and is expected, at the very least, to not question their presence. This is an environment where deradicalizing - listening to the Left - would be sleeping with the enemy, but radicalizing further? You do you, buddy.

Gabe’s emotional journey, however, is somewhat more complex. If you’ve spent any time reading or watching reactionary media you’ve probably noticed it’s really. fucking. repetitive. It’s a few thousand phrasings of the same handful of arguments. Like, there’s only so many jokes about attack helicopters! But these people just crank out content, and most of it’s derivative; the reason to pick one personality over another isn’t because they say something different, but because they say it differently. Gabe just picks the affect it’s delivered in.

Repetition dulls the shock of the most egregious statements, making them appear normal and prepping him for more extreme ideas. Meanwhile, the arguments themselves? They’re not good. (BreadTube will never run out of shit to debunk.) They are repetitive because they’re not good. They’re mantric. A good argument you only need to hear one time; if you can follow it, internalize it, and explain it to someone else, you know you’ve understood it. But a bad argument can’t convince you on its own merits, so it will often rely on affect. This can be the snappy, thought-terminating cliche, or the long, winding diatribe that sounds really sensible while you’re hearing it but when someone asks you for the gist you can only say “go watch these 17 videos and it’ll all make sense.” Both these approaches are largely devoid of content, but, gosh, if they don’t sound sure of themselves.

And that mode can be very persuasive, but it doesn’t stick the way a coherent argument does. It needs to be repeated, the affect replenished, because the words matter less than the delivery. There needs to be a steady stream of confident voices saying “we’ve got this figured out and everyone else is stupid” or Gabe’s gonna notice the flaws. They are not well-hidden.

And the catch-22 of returning to that stream over and over is that these communities are stressful even as they are calming. People afraid they will die virgins go to forums with people who share and validate that fear, and also say, “Yes, you will die a virgin.” People afraid Syrians are coming to kill us all watch videos by people who share and validate that fear, and also say, “Yes, Syrians are coming to kill us all.” Others have already pointed out that rubbing your face in your worst anxieties is a form of digital self-harm, but I need to you understand the toxic recursion of it: Gabe is going to these communities to get upset. Every emotion is converted into anger, because sadness, fear, and despair are paralyzing but anger is motivating; Gabe feels less helpless when he’s pissed off. And so, while he’s topping up on reassuring nonsense, he’s also topping up on stress. And, being cut off from everything outside the network, the only place he knows to go to release that stress is back to the place that gives it to him. It’s a feedback loop, pulling him deeper and deeper on the promise that, at some point, relief will come.

It is a similar dynamic that keeps people in abusive relationships.

When someone in Gabe’s community makes a racist joke, they are presenting Gabe with a choice between the human interaction of laughing with his friends and his societal responsibility not to be a fuckin’ racist. And not laughing seems ridiculous; everybody’s friends here; no one’s getting hurt; this is harmless. And so the irreverent race joke draws a line between the personal and the political, and suggests that one can be safely prioritized over the other. One way to look at radicalization is being asked to stick with that seemingly innocuous decision as the stakes are raised incrementally: first with edgier humor, and then comments that are funny because they’re shocking but you couldn’t really call them jokes, and then “funny” comments that are also sincerely angry, but, in each instance, since he laughed with his bros last time, it stands to reason he should keep favoring the personal over some abstracted notion of “politics.”

This is why the progressive adage “the personal is political” is among the most threatening things you can say in these spaces.

I’m not trying to make a slippery slope argument. Most of us who laughed at edgy jokes when we were teenagers didn’t grow up to be Nazis. It is a slippery slope in the specific context of being in community with people trying to radicalize you. Gabe is a lonely white boy in need of friends, and laughing at a racist joke is personal, while not laughing is political. Staying in a community that has Nazis in it is personal, and leaving is political. The personal is what brings people together and the political drives them apart. (The “only if some of them are bigots” part of that sentence is usually lopped off). There’s this joke on the internet that nerds perceive only two races: white and political. Following that logic, what could be more apolitical than an ethnostate?

They are banking on his willingness to adapt his beliefs to suit an environment that meets a need. That same need can be satisfied by white nationalism. There are few things more seductive to people who doubt their own worth than being told you are valuable simply for being white. And you can sub in male, cis, straight, allosexual, or able-bodied. It just takes priming: by the time Gabe officially embraces bigotry, he’s already been acting like a bigot for months. The red pill is simply the moment he says it out loud.

Change Gabe’s surroundings, and you change Gabe.

Step Five: ???

The final step in a traditional extremist group would be getting a mission. But that is one thing the Alt-Right can’t do. Once you start giving clear directives, you can’t play yourselves off as a bunch of unaffiliated hashtags and think tanks; you are now a formalized movement accountable to its followers, and can be judged and policed as such.

To my mind, Charlottesville was an attempt to become such a movement, taking things offline and getting all the different groups working collectively. And, as so often happens when these people get in the same space - especially with no official leaders or means of control over their members - it backfired. Their true colors came out before they were ready and a counter-protester lost her life.

This would be the point where, historically, an extremist group starts to disintegrate. Their veneer of respectability gone, they’re now hated by the public, the media wants nothing more to do with them, and everyone not in jail turns on each other or goes underground. This is also the point where the liberal establishment says, “My job here is done,” and utterly fails to retake control of the narrative, allowing the next batch of radicals to pick up more or less where the last one left off.

But to an already-decentralized group like the Alt-Right, Charlottesville was bad but eminently survivable. People retreated back to the internet, with its code words and anonymous forums, but that’s where much of the work was already done anyway. The platforms where they organized kept tolerating them, the authorities still didn’t classify them as terrorists, and any disgraced figureheads were replaced with up-and-comers.

The major change in strategy is that it doesn’t seem anyone has tried to formalize the Alt-Right since.

So where does that leave Gabe? He’s gone through this whole process of largely hands-off indoctrination - and I should stress his journey may look like what we’ve outlined or it may look different in places, this video is not comprehensive - but now he’s swallowed every pill he cares to, he blames half a dozen minorities for everything he sees as wrong with the world, and no one will give him anything to do. You’ve got this ad hoc movement frothing young men into a militant fervor and then just leaving them to stew in their own hate. Should we really be surprised at how many commit mass shootings?

This is a machine for producing lone wolves.

Leaving men to take up arms of their own volition is a way of enacting terror while being just outside the popular conception of a terror cell. There are also, of course, more classic militias that will offer Gabe clear directives - they’re recruiting from the same pool. And Gabe may stop short of this step, settling in a middle layer that suits him or finding the inner layers too extreme. But violence is the logical conclusion of an ideology of hate, and, should Gabe take this step, he can approach violence in the same incremental fashion he approached conservatism.

He can start with yelling at people on Twitter, and then maybe collective brigading, DDoS attacks, sharing dox, leaking nudes, calling their phone numbers, texting them pictures of their houses from the sidewalk. These acts of cruelty become games of oneupmanship within his community. All this can start as far back as Step 2, and get more intense the deeper he goes. Some people join explicitly partake in harassment and violence the way Gabe joined to talk about anime.

But this behavior can serve as a kind of buy-in. The Left and the feminists and the LGBTQs and the Muslims and the immigrants are all, within his community, subhuman. You’ve maybe heard the conservative catchphrase “feminism is cancer”; well don’t treat cancer by having a respectful exchange of ideas with it, but by eradicating it down to the last cell. Cruelty against the Left is framed as righteous.

From any other perspective, posting someone’s bank information is something you might feel ashamed of. Which creates a psychological imperative not to consider other perspectives. A thing that keeps people in is staving off the guilt they will reckon with the moment they step out. Gabe is also aware that anything he’s done to the Left could be done to him if he leaves; some communities even keep dox on their members as insurance. And the things he’s been encouraged to do to the Left will likely make him feel that the Left would never take him now; the radical Right is the only home he’s got. Harassment becomes another tool of isolation.

Steadily, options for Gabe are whittled down to being a vigilante or a nihilist. There are periods of elation: moments the Alt-Right feels it’s winning - or, more accurately, the people they hate are losing - are like cocaine. They are authoritarians, after all. But the times in between are mean and angry. They are antisocial, starved of emotional connection, consuming incompatible conspiracies that may at any point run them afoul of one another, devoted to figureheads who cater to but cannot risk leading them, and living under constant threat of being outed to the Left or turned on by the Right for stepping out of line. Gabe took this journey for the sense of community and purpose, and, but for the rare moments everything goes their way, the Alt-Right can’t maintain either. They can only keep promising his day will come, a story he could get from a $5 palm reading.

The feeling there’s nothing left but to kill yourself or someone else is so common it’s a meme.

But there is always a third option: Gabe can leave.

Pre-Conclusion: For Fuck’s Sake Do Not Make Gabe Your Whole-Ass Praxis

Before we continue, I want to state plainly that Gabe went off the deep end because he found a community willing to tell him that, because he is a cishet white man, the world revolves around him. Do not treat him like this is true.

If a fraction of the energy spent having debates with America’s Gabes were spent instead on voter re-enfranchisement, prisoner’s rights, protections for immigrants, statehood for DC and Puerto Rico, and redistricting, Gabe’s opinions, in the societal sense, wouldn’t matter. Reactionary conservatism is a small and largely unpopular ideology that is only so represented in our culture and politics because they’ve learned how to game the system.

And I get it. Those are huge problems that are going to take years to address, where, if you know a Gabe, that’s a conversation you could have today. And, if you think you can get through to him, it is worthwhile to try. This is a fight on many fronts and deradicalization is one of them. But it is only one, so please keep it in perspective. It sends an awful message when we spend more time trying to get bigots back on our side than we do the people they are bigoted against.

Your value as a lefty does not hinge on whether you can change Gabe’s mind.

Conclusion: How Gabe Gets Out

He may just grow out of it. These communities skew young, and some folks hit a point where hanging with edgy teens doesn’t feel cool anymore.

He may become disillusioned after the movement fails to deliver on its promises.

He may become disillusioned if something goes wrong in his life and his community isn’t there for him, if he feels they like his race and his gender but don’t actually care about him.

He may be shocked if he sees the Alt-Right at its worst before being appropriately conditioned. Charlottesville was a step too far for a lot of people.

His community may turn on him for any perceived unorthodoxy, and he may leave out of necessity.

He may be separated by circumstance from the community - a trip with no internet, hospitalization, arrest - and not be able to top up on the rhetoric. This may lead him to question his beliefs.

His community may disappear, either tearing itself apart or getting shut down by authorities.

He may have incidental contact with populations he’s supposed to hate, and have trouble reconciling who they are in person with what he’s been told about them. In his community, people bond over shared intolerance, but, suddenly, being tolerant helps him make friends. (This is one reason the Alt-Right has made a battleground of the college campus.)

He may form or revisit relationships outside the network, people who can offer him the connection he’s been looking for. This may reintroduce outside perspectives. More importantly, it rekindles his ability to have healthy relationships at all, something the Alt-Right has estranged him from.

As with recruiters, it seems these “escape hatch” relationships can sometimes be parasocial; coming to respect a public figure who is on the Left, or is critical of the Alt-Right.

Someone he is close to may compel him to choose, “me or the movement.” A lot of young men leave to save a romantic relationship.

Hearing stories from people who’ve already jumped may help; there aren’t a lot of public formers, and some raise suspicions as to their sincerity, but it is getting more common, and may be the closest we get to exit counseling for the Alt-Right.

He may become aware of the ways he’s being manipulated, or have them revealed to him, maybe because he stumbled into BreadTube, I dunno. Knowledge that you are being indoctrinated is no guarantee it won’t work - you are not immune to propaganda - but it can help one resist.

And he may revisit a core belief system that used to guide him, be it religion or social justice or a really wholesome fandom, and be reminded of the identity he used to have.

Moments like these, in isolation or in aggregate, can inspire Gabe to jump. They are also good times for friends to intervene. The reach and the impunity that comes with the internet means it has never been easier to fall into reactionary extremism. It has also never been easier to get out. People who exit skinhead gangs often fear for their lives; for Gabe, there’s a chance getting out is as simple as going to a different website. Much of his community does not know his name or his face and he may not important enough to dox.

What doesn’t get Gabe out - not reliably, not that I have seen - is an argument with a stranger who proves all his facts wrong and his ideology bunk. Facts don’t always work because facts don’t care about his feelings. This was about staying in a community, and holding onto an identity, that mattered to him. It was about belonging, and that is something a rando from the other side of the culture war can’t give him and probably shouldn’t be responsible for.

The theme here is human connection. Before he can do the work of disentangling himself, and facing the guilt of what he’s believed and maybe done, he has to know there’s somewhere for him on the other end of it. That the Right hasn’t ruined him. They’ve told him all of history is groups fighting each other over status, and, without his clan, he’ll be an exile. He needs a better story.

I don’t know that lefty spaces are ideal for this, in no small part because bringing someone who’s a bit of a Nazi but working on it into diverse communities is… questionable. And it probably wouldn’t be good for him, either; having just gotten out of a toxic belief system, he’s going to be deeply skeptical of all ideologies. In a perfect world, people who care about Gabe could build for him - to use a therapy term - a holding space. Someplace private - physical or digital - where Gabe can work out his feelings, where he is both encouraged and expected to be better but is not, in the moment, judged. That comes later. It is delicate and time-consuming work that should not be done in public, but we find these beliefs, built up over the course of months or years, tend to fall away very quickly with a shift of environment. Change Gabe’s surroundings and you change Gabe.

But, instead, a lot of people who jump are functionally deprogramming themselves, which is working for a lot of them, but it’s haphazard, and there are recidivists.

If you don’t personally know a Gabe, or have training as a counselor, you may not be in a position to help him. Possibly there are things you can do to disrupt the recruitment process or prevent infiltration of spaces you’re in - I’m looking into it, but talk to your mods - but, elephant in the room: meaningful change will require reform on the part of platform holders. Tools to disrupt this process already exist and are being used on groups like ISIS, but they’re not being used on the Alt-Right because they try oh so very hard not to get classified as terrorists (and also any functioning anti-radicalization policy would require banning a lot of conservative politicians, so there’s that...).

But what makes our story better than theirs is that the fight for social and economic justice, though it is long, and difficult, and frustrating, when it works, it fulfills the promise the Right can’t keep: it materially make people’s lives better. I am not prone to sentimentality, or to giving these videos happy endings. But one thing we have that the Alt-Right doesn’t is hope.

[letsbenditlikebennett]

The Moon Always Rises || Alcher & Ariana

TIMING: Current PARTIES: @zahneundklauen & @letsbenditlikebennett SUMMARY: After disagreeing on how Adam should be handled, Alcher and Ariana finally talk.  CONTENT: Abuse mentions, parental death

As much as Ariana wanted to stay put in her apartment that currently smelled like fresh baked cookies thanks to Athena, she knew she couldn’t avoid talking to Alcher forever. She had to make sure another attempt wouldn’t be made at Adam’s life. He wouldn’t give up this time and she couldn’t stand the thought of losing Layla. Her relationship with Alcher was still developing and she felt it was important they talked this out as much as she would have preferred to stay curled up on her couch pretending things weren’t even half as shitty as they currently were. That wasn’t going to fix anything though. If she wanted to move forward and find some sense of normalcy again, she’d have to keep this meeting with Alcher. It was hard to forget the malice of her actions and how shocked she’d been by claws contacting her face. The only other time she’d ever been hurt by someone she cared for like that was when Layla was hypnotized by that stupid fidget spinner and she hadn’t exactly been in her right mind then. This felt different. She’d been quick to place trust in Alcher and it all felt so fragile now. She wasn’t one to run from her problems though, so she walked into the Common with her head held high and tried to ignore what may be happening here in only a couple of times if Nell’s spell didn’t work. That was more than she could handle at this moment though so she sat at one of the picnic benches and waited for Alcher to arrive with her elbows resting on the table. 

 This was a pivotal moment. Of the two, Ariana had not been the one Alcher had figured would betray her. But it was obvious, now, that being raised by humans had made her soft, and it was going to take a gentle hand-- not the rough one she’d displayed at the peak-- to guide Ariana down the right path. But Alcher could do that. She would swallow her ire and make sure to keep her business to herself. They could approach the topic of hunters and their deaths later. Today, she was sitting on the public bus, surrounded by stenches that made her wish she could not smell at all, and surrounded by people who she wished she could remove from her vicinity. But with a broken leg, walking was impossible. So, she was here, suffering, just to see Ariana. When she arrived, she pulled out the crutch Jared had given her, and made her way through the park and over to the picnic benches where she’d spotted Ariana. She took a large inhale of the fresh air on her way and stopped a few feet short of where she was. “How are you feeling?” she asked, eyes falling on the marks on her face. Ariana was clearly upset about them, so Alcher winced when she saw them. 

After what happened at Lyssa’s Peak, Ariana was unsure of how to respond to Alcher. Anger that her trust had been betrayed still lingered and wasn’t the easiest thing to suppress. As it stood, they were still wolves and the instinct to stick together was still present despite her anger. She could smell Alcher approaching before the woman stood in front of her, wincing at the sight of her face. It was something she’d found herself doing in the morning before she had opted to get rid of her mirrors though that had more to do with the woman inside calling her a murderer than anything else. She gave Alcher a curt nod in greeting and thought it over for a minute. She shrugged and simply answered, “Pretty shitty.” In that moment, she didn’t feel like placating Alcher and pretending she was doing better than she was. Everything was still a mess and the closer she got to the next full moon, the more worry seemed to take over her emotions. She scooted over on the bench giving Alcher room to sit with her. “Physically, I’m okay. Just have a lot to figure out I guess. How are you feeling?” It was obvious that she was still healing. She hadn’t wanted Alcher to get hurt, which was why she had avoided doing any serious harm to her. She couldn’t expect as much from Adam and Nell though. She had been the one to attack after all. 

 Tentatively, as if worried she might be overstepping bounds, Alcher approached the bench. Despite her lingering anger, Alcher appreciated Ariana’s honesty. She drew in a breath through her nose and exhaled softly. “Shitty sums it up,” she parroted, glancing sideways at Ariana. Hands folded stiffly in front of her. “I’m already missing one leg, and the witch broke my other,” she said, knowing Ariana valued honesty. She was keeping much from her, but she could tell her this truth. She leaned back, then, placing her palms on the cool table, looking out across the common. Her eyes did not show her much, blotchy colors, melding together. Browns and greys and light blues. She wondered how much longer her eyes would hold up for her. “I need to know why you defended him,” she spoke slowly, carefully, making sure to put a small hint of worry, concern in her voice. And she was worried and she was concerned-- just, perhaps, not in the way Ariana would suppose. She looked back over at her, as if deeply wounded and hiding the shame. “Why would you defend a hunter over your own kind?”

As much as Ariana wanted to feel bad that Alcher had been hurt that night, she had a difficult time looking over the fact it was her own malicious actions that had led to the injury. That led to the injuries of others she cared for. It wasn’t something she could just forget, but she wanted to move forward either way. “Hopefully, it’ll heal quickly. The moon will likely help,” she said in a tone that mirrored the uneasiness she was feeling. This was a difficult conversation to have in the midst of everything else, but she had to make Alcher see things a bit differently the same way she had with some of the hunters she knew. Her eyes followed Alcher’s for a moment and looked over the dull colors of brown and yellow that seemed to paint the landscape in front of them. Apparently, the trees were starting to be speckled with fiery colors, but she couldn’t tell. The answer Alcher needed wasn’t a simple one, but she would do her best to explain it. “Honestly, there are a lot of reasons I didn’t let you guys kill him. Most of which boil down to  doing the right thing,” she started and found herself letting out a sigh. “First of all, it’s very explicitly against what Winn wanted. Winn understood why Adam did what he did. He’d admitted some things to Adam and he forgave Adam. Winn was there for me through a lot of really terrible times and honoring his dying wishes were important to me. There’s also the fact Adam straight up admitted he knew what he did was wrong and felt bad with it. He’s wrestling with this whole code thing and I think he’s coming around. More hunters and people in general realizing things aren’t quite as black and white as they seem is important if any of us are ever going to know peace and happiness.”  

Ariana shook her head lightly and tried to find a better way to articulate it. While she wasn’t quite ready to talk about Celeste, especially not with the dreams she’d been escaping to in her game, she could try to make her understand the purpose she’d taken on for herself. She leaned against the wooden tabletop and explained, “This whole thing is so much bigger than whether he’s a hunter or we’re wolves. We’re all stuck in this cycle of violence and it’s stupid. Going back and forth killing each other isn’t going to make anything better. It just keeps this whole thing spinning. Adam’s starting to realize that. See that things aren’t quite as simple as a code that was made hundreds of years ago would like them to be. He regrets killing Winn. I think more people like Adam coming around to seeing us as people who make mistakes, grow, and change just like everyone else is an important part of things getting better. Not just for them. Or for us, but for everyone. Nothing’s going to change if we don’t all do better.” 

 Alcher listened to Ariana’s speech-- to her explanation of why she defended a hunter, of all people. Had he just been human, this talk wouldn’t even be happening. But hunter-- their injustice went far deeper than some ancient code. Humans created hunters to destroy the things they didn’t understand. Her father had taught them that and she refused to believe anything different. It was the only truth that existed. “So you believe that guilt absolves people,” she stated clearly, quietly. “That feeling remorse for an action taken should make up for what was done?” It made little sense to her, but, for Ariana, for another wolf, she supposed she could try. She contemplated a moment. Her father had always called her wise beyond her years, and told her that that was part of what made her a good pack leader. She seemed to always know what to say, and how to be diplomatic. White Crest, however, was proving that wrong. She needed to tread carefully here. “You are a better person than I if that is true. What I know is true, is that hunters have always come after our kind. For centuries we spent our lives hiding, defending ourselves, bending to their will. To the will of humans and those that didn’t understand us. And then they began to hunt us down. Killing us simply because of what we were. They called us monsters and took us from our homes and our families and slaughtered us by the hundreds. One hunter turning against that isn’t going to solve anything,” she explained, though her voice was low and quiet, “the death of one hunter won’t change anything.” 

She shifted, leaning forward now, elbows balancing on knees. “I’d grown tired of waiting for hunters to come for me, to kill me, like they slaughtered my family, long ago. I lived in fear for years, wondering if I might wake one night to find them standing over my bed, vowing to kill me because of the wolf inside of me. Hunters took everything from me, so when I heard that one had taken something from you, from Layla-- from your pack-- I couldn’t help but feel that pain again. I never want another wolf to experience what I did, to have to know what that deep pain feels like. I know you lost your caretaker, Ariana, but this loss was-- a genocide.” She reached down and pulled up her pant leg, exposing her prosthetic leg. “They took my family, my pack, dozens of us-- and they took my leg. I still remember their cries as they all suffocated and burned to death in the very home I grew up in. I escaped because my older brother saved me, hid me in a back room where I crawled up the chimney and waited. I waited for hours.” She let the cloth fall back down. “How was I to know whether this hunter was prepared to do that or not? Layla’s anger felt so much like my own. Regret will not fix anything,” she finished quietly, “it only fosters more pain.”

When she turned to look back at Ariana, she found a tear in her own eye and wiped it with the back of her hand. “I only wanted to protect you, to protect Layla. I am sorry I failed you.” And the words were true. She had failed both of them, and herself, the second Ariana showed up to defend the hunter. “If you truly wish to end this cycle of violence, then how do you propose to handle hunters who do not share this view? What, then? Do we bow to them and let them destroy us? It’s not so simple as all that. Are we not owed the ability to live freely as well as any human?” 

While it was a relief that Alcher was actually taking the time to try and listen to understand, it seemed it wasn’t quite resonating as Ariana would have hoped. She knew the dynamic of hunters and wolves was something that had been deeply ingrained in both sides for much longer than either of them had been alive. She shook her head. “I don’t think it’s quite that simple. Guilt needs to be followed up with action, with choosing to be better.” She looked over to Alcher now still feeling a bit unsteady about this meeting. It was hard to see past everything that had happened, but they needed to move forward. “Adam doesn’t deserve to die for the same reason Winn didn’t deserve to die. Winn had done some terrible things, but he learned better and became better. Nothing will ever truly make up for the lives they have taken, but they both want and wanted to be better. Become a person that doesn’t cause others pain.” It seemed like it was sinking in more though Alcher couldn’t quite fully grasp what she meant. The kindness she’d experienced from hunters, werewolves, vampires, zombies, and banshees alike had painted the way she saw the world. As cruel as the world had been to her, there’d always been those who showed her care in her worst moments. It had been what pushed her forward, made her more determined to make the world just a little bit better. Sometimes, it felt a little too idealistic, even to her in the midst of everything happening with Lydia, but she had to try. For herself. For Celeste. For any future generations that came behind them. As she rested her chin in her palms, she said, “I try to be a good person as much as anyone else. I don’t want others to go through the pain I’ve gone through. I think, at the heart of things, you’re good, too. You have your whole mission of helping wolves. To an extent, that’s still true. I know some hunters will never change their ways, but I know enough who have shown me nothing but kindness that I believe things can get better for all of us. That maybe one day, people won’t keep losing the ones they love entirely too soon and too violently.” She shook her head and explained, “It only takes one person to start. To be better than those that came before them for it to spark change.” 

There was a frown on her face as Alcher explained how she lost her family. Ariana was almost grateful that the night Celeste saved her had been a blur. She remembered howls and gunfire, but outside of that, she couldn’t recall much else. Seeing how Celeste died had left her haunted more nights than not. She let out a breath and looked to Alcher with her brows unfurrowed and her eyes soft. “I’m sorry about your family. I don’t really remember the night mine died because I was too young, but that really does sound terrible. I appreciate that you want to keep Layla and I safe. To look out for us. I really do, I just don’t think this is the way. I think Layla would have ended up regretting it. Her and Adam were friends aside from the fact Layla doesn’t like violence. Hell, she doesn’t even eat meat for most of the month. I saw how much accidentally killing someone destroyed her. I know she’s upset now and misses Winn, I do too, but this would have only made it worse. I don’t want to watch her spiral or do something reckless again. She’s my best friend and I’m supposed to look out for her on all counts, you know?” Ariana could understand how Alcher’s experience was so different from her own. A hunter never spared her, cared for her. Not the way Celeste had done for her and even Layla. It seemed wrong to bring that up now though. “I know he won’t. Well, not unless you literally try to kill him again but that becomes more self defense than anything. You couldn’t have known that, but you could have kept talking to me about it first instead of just signing off on me.” 

Having this conversation over and over again was becoming exhausting. People seemed so committed to misunderstanding her intentions that Ariana found herself having to bite back the frustration. It wouldn’t help with her overall goal. “I’d never suggest you just let them come kill you. There’s a huge difference between self defense and specifically seeking someone out to kill them. There’s no reason anyone should just lay back and die. We deserve a chance at a happy life as much as anyone else.” 

 For all her youth, Ariana was wise beyond her years. Alcher was keenly aware of this. She was sharper than most, she understood intentions better than most. Her emotional intelligence far out wieghed most any other wolf Alcher had encountered, aside from herself and probably her mother. Alcher didn’t often find herself thinking of her mother and the tidbits of wisdom she had given her-- Alcher was much more like her father. Stalwart, astute, observant. She was great at understanding those around her and using words and actions to get them to follow her, to listen to her. Her mother had always favored Klaus, whomst Alcher distinctly remembered calling a crybaby for a large portion of their childhoods. He was sensitive, emotional, moody. The complete opposite of her, and this was why their father had picked Alcher to be his successor, to be the head of the family when the time came. Except, the time never came. And in the end, it was Klaus who had saved her. She was alive not out of pragmatism or leadership, but out of emotional response and love. She felt her heart ache for Klaus the most. “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind,” she mumbled quietly, and that was her only response to Ariana for the moment, as she listened again. Tried to understand why she felt the way she did, why she would want to defend a hunter. Why she thought not fighting would end the violence. Why she thought one person could make a difference.

But, in the end, was that not Alcher’s motivation, as well? To end the violence, one hunter at a time? Perhaps they were not so different. It was simply their methods that differed. Vastly. Uncompromisingly. She turned a sullen glance Ariana’s direction and pondered a moment longer.  “I failed my family, Ariana, and I’m still making up for it. I traveled around helping out lost packs because I knew I needed to make up, somehow, for the loss. I felt beholden to that pain for so long. Layla might be young, as are you, but she is still responsible for her own decisions. She came to me, asking for this. If someone had come to me and offered me that opportunity, as a child, to look the hunters in the face who had hunted down my family, I would have taken it, too.” Instead, though, Alcher had had to hunt them down and find them herself. And then after, she’d still found she still missed her family. It wasn’t enough, their blood wasn’t enough. She’d needed more. And maybe, she though, Layla would want more, too. She was not so sure now. “Part of learning, part of growing, is figuring out what decisions to make, and living with those consequences. Whatever she decides now, I will stand by her. But,” and Alcher had to strain herself to stay relaxed as she said the next bit, “I will not go after your friend myself. But if he comes after me or Layla, I will not hesitate. You can tell him that.” 

Ariana’s last words were not comforting. Alcher’s brow furrowed but she hid it behind a deflated sigh, brushing hands through her hair. Happiness was beyond her, she knew that much. She’d left it behind in the Canadian forest, buried with her mate. She stared at the red streaks on Ariana’s face, reaching out tentatively. “I am sorry I hurt you,” she said quietly, and a genuine guilt rose in her throat. Despite all his anger and discipline, not even her father had ever struck her across the face, “I have something that will help with the scarring, if you would like it. It’s an old family recipe, one that I’ve used myself many times.”

 By all indication, the two wolves were reaching an understanding. Ariana had hoped for as much. How could she possibly help make things better if she couldn’t even sway other wolves to try and see her perspective? In all reality, they weren’t that different. They both wanted a better world for others like them. They’d both lost their families in terribly violent ways and were trying to honor them in the best ways they knew how. Nothing would ever take away their pain or bring their family back, but if one less wolf had to go through that brutal loss, the world would be all the better for it. She knew Alcher wanted the same thing. It was why she travelled around helping packs as best she could. “Exactly,” she said with a short nod as she didn’t have much more to add to the subject. They’d found some common ground which was all she hoped to come from this. 

There was a small frown on her face still as she listened to Alcher. Better than most, Ariana knew how easy it was to blame yourself for the loss of loved ones. To hold on to some ounce of control that was nonexistent. Morgan had put it so well and she kept finding it to be more and more true. It didn’t lessen the blame she felt in regards to Sammy’s or even Celeste’s death, but it was a good reminder. “You didn’t fail your family,” Ariana said softly, “A friend told me this once and I’m inclined to believe her because I’ve found it to be true for myself. Blaming ourselves is easier because it gives us some fake idea that we had any control in what happened to us, that we have any control outside of our own actions. I’m still- I don’t know, I still wrestle with that, too, but I don’t think your family would believe you failed them.” While she didn’t doubt Layla had made her own choice there, she liked to think she knew Layla well enough to know that she’d eventually regret it. Anger had a funny way of clouding one’s judgment, this she knew better than most. “I know she’s responsible for her own choices, I do. I just think I know her well enough to know that eventually that choice would eat her up. Layla’s one of the most compassionate people I’ve ever met. I understand that choice, I really do. I’ve… thought of it myself a few times. Not necessarily with the hunters that killed my parents and sister-- that came down to self defense and protecting others, but what’s going on now. Part of me wants revenge, but I don’t think it’ll make me feel any better. Maybe it’d keep others safe, but I don’t know. I wish I could properly talk it over so I could figure it out.” 

Her features softened as Alcher agreed to not go after Adam again without being provoked. Tension she didn’t realize had been building up in her seemed to fade away as her shoulders relaxed. “I appreciate that, Alcher. I really do. I can assure you he won’t be coming after you or Layla.” Was that in part due to the fact he was without powers at the moment? It could have been, but he did advise he owed her a favor. “I would never ask you to not defend yourself or Layla if it ever came to that. It does mean a lot to me that you won’t hurt him again otherwise,” she said earnestly. The marks on her face were long since forgotten until she mentioned it again. A remedy would be good. As badass as the scars looked, she did like her face. “I’d appreciate the remedy. I think the kids and my boss were a little more freaked out by it than anything else. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, it’s just… not the most professional look.” 

 Alcher was not sure she could believe Ariana’s words, that she did not fail her family, but she could not explain to her why. Not many truly understood, because not many lived the way her family did. They did not understand how their pack functioned. She understood that it was quite different from most modern packs, but they were more than just a pack-- they were family, by blood, by bond, by everything that mattered. Even the branch packs understood that. Alcher felt her body deflating, but tried her best to keep her composure. She’d built walls upon walls up inside of herself, she wondered if it was even possible to take them down, now, to let someone in. To have another pack, another family. She didn’t know, and she wasn’t sure she was brave enough to try-- to find something happy again, only to lose it. Not with so many hunters around, not with her two wolves the way they were. After a moment, Alcher smiled, morose and far off. “You do not know my father,” she said softly, shaking her head. Alcher almost couldn’t remember his voice, by this point, it had been so long. But she remembered the hard lines in his forehead and the color of his fur, and the way his whole body shifted when he was angry, whether he was wolf or man. “I suppose more than anything, I just miss them,” she admitted quietly. 

Alcher paused. She thought for a moment, about how killing her family’s killers made her feel, about what her heart was telling her. “I can not speak for Layla, but I do not think killing those who have hurt us is about feeling better. I do not feel better about my family knowing their killers are dead as well, but rather, I feel better knowing they can not hurt anyone else like that. That they can not take away anyone else’s family,” she murmured quietly. “Perhaps that was what she was feeling. That tremendous loss weighed heavy on her soul, I could feel that much. Sometimes we make decisions we regret, but we must still carry them, and all the better if we have people there to carry them with us. That’s what I wish to be with her,” she looked to Ariana again, “with you. That’s all.”

Softly, she brushed the side of Ariana’s face with the claw marks, calloused fingers light on her skin. “I will drop it off for you tomorrow,” she said, smiling again, a little lighter this time, “it truly works wonders. My mother used to swear by it.” When their father got done punishing them or working them, their mother, soft and sweet and with the kindest eyes, would come in and heal them, with gentle hands and her family remedy. Alcher’s eyes saddened for a moment. Was she becoming more of her father than her mother? And...was that bad? “I promise I will never harm you like this again. It is...not the person I am or want to be,” she said, and she wasn’t sure if that was the truth or not, but in the moment, it was the only thing she wanted to say. 

 While it was true Ariana didn’t know her father, she had to believe that if he loved her as he should have, that he’d be proud of Alcher no matter what. Even if Ariana didn’t love the way in which she stood by her convictions, she still stood by them. That was something that was worthy of respect. Maybe all parents didn’t show the same unconditional support Celeste had always provided her with, but even so, Ariana knew there was no way she could truly fail her family when Alcher seemed to take it upon herself to honor them everyday. Keep them alive in some way however small it was. Better than anyone, Ariana knew how important that was. “I don’t have to know him to know you didn’t fail him,” she said simply. 

She listened as Alcher spoke even if she didn’t believe it to be true. Layla knew Adam. She had to know he didn’t go around killing supernatural people for no reason. It didn’t make killing Winn any more or less okay, but she knew it made Layla’s motives different than what Alcher was saying. There wasn’t much left to say on the matter so she simply nodded, “I do appreciate you supporting her the way you are. I don’t think she’s had a lot of that in her life. I still don’t agree it was the way to go about things, but I am happy she has someone like you. I’m glad I have someone like you, too.” 

Alcher’s touch was gentle and caring despite the fact she was the one who caused the injury. She seemed genuinely sorry for it and Ariana smiled slightly at the mention of dropping by. She’d be alone most of the day tomorrow with no class or work and Athena back to classes. It wasn’t something she particularly looked forward to considering her own emotions left her distraught more often than not these days so she’d welcome the company. “I’ll see you then. And thank you. I understand things happen and you’re still important to me.” Things seemed a bit lighter now no longer having this weighing heavy on her heart. A pack had been something she’d always wanted and the thought of losing that had affected her more than she thought. There was some solace in knowing that some bonds weren’t so easily broken.

[springsummerspring]

Our disposition, personality, and behaviour all have a profound effect on the types of relationships we thrive in. A couple doesn’t need to be identical, but the right balance of traits is necessary for compatibility. This new RP theory focuses on two important characteristics: the dominance level of each person, as well as the woman’s dominance threshold.

Your “Dominance Level” (DL) measures attributes such as your natural tendency to assume the lead and how you exercise authority in interactions. DL takes into account all behaviour, it is not limited to actions within a romantic relationship. For the purposes of this post I will use a scale of 0 - 10 to discuss DL, with 10 representing the maximum possible level of dominance one can have. There are separate male and female scales - a woman who is a 6 is not more dominant than a man who is a 5, and a man who is a 10 is more dominant than a female 10.

How are dominance levels expressed in men?

A 10 has 100% alpha traits, and a 0 has 100% beta traits. As you move across the spectrum, the ratio shifts. So a 2 has 20% alpha traits, a 6 has 60%, etc.

Men who are lowest in dominance (0-3.5 on the DL scale) have the highest ratio of beta traits in comparison to alpha traits. They can be easygoing, empathetic, gentle, and considerate. They can also be sensitive, emotional, unconfident, indecisive, and soft. Keep in mind that these are just a few examples, these traits do not define these men nor are they required to be in this category.

The 3.5s-6s exhibit more alpha traits but their nature is that of a “greater beta”. These men are able to provide comfort and leadership as required in a relationship. Most women have men in this category, especially on RPW. If you are looking for a “medium dominance” category, this is where your man belongs (but to be clear, he is still in the "low dominance" category of this system).

Men who are a 6-8.5 on the DL scale have a higher ratio of alpha traits in comparison to beta traits. There are many types of alpha men: apex, renegade, patriarchal, criminal, corporate, political, etc. and they all have different characteristics that allow them to succeed and take charge in their respective environments. One thing they all have in common is an immense amount of masculinity, which can be both good and bad.

8.5 - 10s can fall into any of the alpha subtypes. They also have the highest amounts of Dark Triad traits, and are the rarest group of men.

How are dominance levels expressed in women?

The alpha/beta ratio does not apply to the female dominance scale. There are no easy, clear cut terms for the spectrum, just various dispositions and behaviours. While the ratio of masculinity and femininity plays a role, the DL is not measuring either of those traits directly. I have chosen both positive and negative examples for each type but again, these are generalisations and only a fraction of the possible characteristics one can have.

Women who are in the low dominance category (0-6) are non confrontational, sensitive, and accommodating. They are psychologically feminine, not only with their men but in their everyday lives, automatically. They can be doormats, passive, weak, and insecure if they do not learn how to prioritise themselves first instead of others. This does not mean that they are incapable of having any of the traits that high dominance women have, just that the concentration of H traits lowers as you approach zero (and vice versa with H women and L traits).

High Dominance Women (6.5-10) are more confident, driven, assertive, and ambitious. They can also be more masculinised, argumentative, self serving, and insubordinate. Some women like to think of themselves as “alpha women” but this is a myth, not an RP concept. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that being high dominance is superior. Both categories have their strengths and weaknesses. Feminists have pushed the idea that male characteristics and virtues are a universal ideal that all should strive for so women are encouraged to be high dominance. The only way that high dominance women can have romantic success with a dominant man is if they can master psychological femininity and deference within their relationship.

Your “Dominance Threshold” indicates how dominant your man has to be in order for you to feel attraction, commitment, and love. I will also be using the 0-10 dominance scale when referring to the dominance threshold. For the purposes of this discussion it is assumed that all women have a range of 0-2 points past their threshold where attraction is possible. The threshold is the minimum but most women who prefer a 5.5/10 would not be comfortable with an 8 or higher.

How are dominance thresholds expressed in women?

Women with low dominance thresholds require less alpha, and more beta in their relationships. This means more affection and softness, more obvious and frequent displays of love and care. These women are repelled by or afraid of extreme displays of male aggression, anger, or arrogance. They also do not like strict boundaries or being controlled. They are suited for betas and greater betas.

Women with high dominance thresholds require more alpha, less beta. They crave arousal, displays of power, raw masculinity, etc. from their man and view the same beta traits the low threshold women love as weaknesses. They are perfect mates for all types of alphas.

When a man’s DL is way too low for a woman, she reacts with disgust or infantilisation. If it is merely a point or two lower you’ll see shit tests. If it’s slightly too high, she’ll comfort test, and when it’s way too high she’ll be afraid. This applies to all women regardless of their threshold or dominance level.

Taking the 4 categories into account (low/high DL, low/high threshold) there are 8 possible relationship combinations. Not all are optimal or RP but all of the dynamics exist in the real world. Moving forward we will use these labels within the subreddit in our discussions and the advice we give.

By using a combination of 3 letters (all of which are either H or L) we can refer to each dynamic with ease. The first letter establishes the man’s dominance level, the second the woman’s, and then the third is for her dominance threshold. So a high dominance man (H) with a low dominance woman (L), who has a high threshold (H), would be described as HLH. A low dominance man (L) with a low dominance woman (L), who has a low dominance threshold (L), would be LLL.

Now onto an overview of the dynamics, which will be described with an emphasis on the effect on the woman. They are ordered from least potential to be RP to most potential to be RP, with 3 equally RP dynamics, there is not one universally ideal dynamic. Please keep in mind that these descriptions are all generalisations of what is most likely to happen, there are always exceptions. Note: future posts will help you identify your dynamic, do not fixate on labeling yourself from this introductory post.

High dominance man, high dominance/low threshold woman (HHL) - she vies for dominance and feels little to no comfort or security. Possible violence as she is likely to stir up trouble by constantly challenging her man.

High man, low/low woman (HLL) - she needs more beta comfort and can’t stay motivated when feeling unloved. She feels he is mean or scary. There is also a strong chance of violence in this relationship which only further discourages the LL woman from being her best and creates a cycle where the man is constantly punishing her.

Low man, high/high woman (LHH) - she walks all over him or bosses around. This is a very common dynamic as it is what usually happens when a woman is out of the CC riding/AF phase and has settled for her beta bucks.

Low man, low/high woman (LLH) - she is repulsed and/or can’t respect him, wishes he was more dominant. Whenever you see an RPW post where the OP asks: “How can I get my main to be the captain” or says “I tried captain/first mate but he’s not taking the lead” then you know it’s an LLH situation.

Low man, high/low woman (LHL) - a lot of feminist relationships are like this, and they can work, and people can be happy in them. There is also a chance that the woman walks all over the man and disrespects him and he just puts up with it. It all depends on how attracted the woman is to her man, and how well he is able to maintain that attraction.

High man, high/high woman (HHH) - potential to be RP if the woman respects the man. “Captain and First Mate” as described by RPW is not an adequate description of the dynamics in HHH relationships. This combination can be a power couple, or there can be violence if the woman does not defer to the man (think Chris Brown and Rihanna).

High man, low/high woman (HLH) - potential to be RPW and a classic fantasy that is not seen as much in reality. The woman is naturally submissive and aware of it. She is drawn to a dominant man and requires power over her. There is a strong sense of ownership and there can also be a paternalistic element to the dynamic. This differs from HHH relationships in that the woman is not a partner in crime, but rather a source of support and feminine energy while the man takes on challenges. At its worst, HLH relationships involve the man taking advantage of and abusing the woman.

Low man, low/low woman (LLL) - this is the most common both in and out of the subreddit. Contrary to what many may assume, most rpw are interested in or already with greater betas! When done right, these relationships are the epitome of the captain and first mate concept. The man leads and the woman occupies the traditional female role, but it may not feel like submission or deferment to her because of the lack of power imposed explicitly. If the man fails to take the lead, the woman may feel forced to assume that role and her respect for her man will decline. If no one assumes the lead, arguments are more likely to happen, and again, the woman will lose respect for the man.

Can you change your dominance level?

You can absolutely eliminate the personality traits that hinder your success. If you are a high dominance woman, you may need to work on being less controlling, argumentative, or disobedient. RPW is great for that! If you are low dominance, you can become more assertive, confident, and more. However, men who want the traditional, RP relationships are not interested in women who do not listen to or respect them, so it’s important not to go too far in the other direction.

Can you change your dominance threshold?

Attraction is non-negotiable. It’s important to be aware of and honest about your preferences and select a partner wisely. Understanding how men think can help you become more comfortable with a man that has a DL way higher than your threshold. If you are with a man who’s DL is below your threshold RPW can help you with respect, loyalty, and all of the other issues that come with those dynamics. Your threshold may change naturally over time based on life experiences, as you learn what you actually like in relationships.

What can we do with this information?

As mentioned earlier, this system will be a great way to have everyone on the same page when it comes to discussing relationships and giving advice. We should all be aware of our biases, and our individual dominance levels and thresholds greatly affect the responses we leave about other people’s relationships.

A lot of women with low dominance thresholds can’t understand masculine, dominant men, and that contributes to them advising women to leave their men in certain instances or worrying that something is abusive. The reverse also applies, women with high dominance thresholds are less able to wrap their heads around how other women can stay with and be attracted to low dominance men.

It is important to be aware of our biases and work to overcome solipsism. It’s not about what we would do in their situation, but what they should do in their situation. Hopefully having the language to identify dynamics will help us all provide suggestions that work well with whatever dynamic a user is involved in.

[barbicha-imaginaria]

The cycle of Villanelle: an essay

In this essay, I will delve into Villanelle’s mental state and study the cyclical patterns of behavior that she seems to exhibit in relation to the emotional attachments she forms. All information taken from the show will focus on Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s version of Killing Eve (the first season), to maintain coherence. I will also consider events in Villanelle’s past that are uncovered in later seasons, as it has been stated several times that PWB already had Villanelle’s backstory defined and so it is likely that she contributed her vision to the events of, for example, S03E05.

“I know you’re a psychopath” - definition of psychopathy

First of all, a disclaimer: mental disorders are not neatly compartmentalized things, where someone is diagnosed when they fit every single criterium. These disorders manifest differently in each person, and often combine (for example, there are several disorders that increase the likelihood of developing anxiety) to form a set of symptoms that will resemble the “ideal” profile of a disorder but usually deviate in one way or another. This is why a diagnosis typically occurs when at least a certain number of the total symptoms is present, rather than only when they all occur. This is not a deviation from how the disorder manifests, but rather one of the many ways in which it can manifest.

This is particularly evident in the case of personality disorders, characterized by enduring maladaptive patterns of behavior, cognition, and inner experience, exhibited across many contexts and deviating from those accepted by the individual's culture. You will notice that there is a large internal component to this, a necessary internal logic, coherent to the individual but not consistent with social norms, which will of course be very difficult to define objectively by an external observer.

Psychopathy, which would be such a personality disorder, is not an actual diagnosis sanctioned by any psychiatric or psychological organization. In the DSM, we have its counterpart in antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), whose criteria for diagnosis focus more on behaviors than personality traits, as the former are easier to identify objectively. ASPD is characterized by a long-term pattern of disregard for, or violation of, the rights of others, a low moral sense or conscience, as well as a history of crime, legal problems, or impulsive and aggressive behavior. It seems pretty clear that Villanelle would perfectly fit this profile.

As psychopathy isn’t an actual diagnosis, we find that its definition is subjective and in fact, there are several different tests, checklists and definitions for it. One particularly interesting definition in this case is the separation of primary and secondary psychopaths. Taken directly from Wikipedia, and based on the paper [Vaughn, M. G., Edens, J. F., Howard, M. O., & Smith, S. T. (2009). An Investigation of Primary and Secondary Psychopathy in a Statewide Sample of Incarcerated Youth. Youth Violence and Juvenile Justice, 7(3), 172–188]

The subtype known as "primary" psychopathy refers to individuals who are completely rational, lack anxiety and have high levels of interpersonal charm. Whilst these behaviours appear incredibly adaptive, primary psychopaths are also prone to dysfunctional and pathological traits such as an inability to learn from past mistakes and a lack of responsibility

"Secondary" psychopaths are individuals not dissimilar to primary psychopaths in the sense that they still share many of the same characteristics and traits. However, unlike the primary psychopath, the secondary psychopath is more likely to suffer from intense emotional arousal and psychological issues. As well as this, research conducted on adult psychopaths has suggested that secondary psychopaths are more prone participate in drug abuse, suicide and interpersonal aggression. Overall, what differentiates secondary psychopaths from primary psychopaths is their destructive behaviour as well an increased reactivity and impulsivity and an inability to control their emotions effectively.

Recalling that Villanelle is a fictional character and we can assume a certain leeway to her characterization in the name of entertainment, as well as the vague nature of all psychopathy diagnoses that has been established, we can arrive at a tentative description: Villanelle is mainly a primary psychopath, with diminished emotional reactions and a comfortable, stable personality, but a secondary psychopath pattern of behavior can be triggered by specific conditions. These triggers are studied in the next section.

“I know something happened to you” - timeline of Oksana / Villanelle

Based on the information given to us over the course of the show (under the conditions mentioned in the introduction above), we can establish a timeline for Oksana’s (and later, Villanelle’s) life.

1) Early childhood

Spent with parents and brother. Clearly already exhibited traits of psychopathy, as evidenced several times in S03E05. 

Tatiana (mother): “The orphanage phone me and say… you burn place down.”

Oksana: “Why didn’t you leave [Pyotr at the orphanage]? All he did was cry.”

Pyotr (brother): “Look, Oksana. You punching me in face.” 

Showed no affection for her mother or brother, but seemed attached to her father.

P: “What was he like?” O: “Funny. Strong. Taught me how to fight. He was much better.” P: “Than what?” O: “She was mean.” P: “You were mean.” O: “You were annoying.”

Villanelle believes she had a good relationship with her father, but her mother saw it differently.

T: “You took everything from me. You took him. You could control him. He would do anything for you because you had a darkness! (...) He thought you would do something to us.” 

O: “You are the darkness. You have always been the darkness. He wasn't scared of me. He was sick of you.” 

Seems to have been left in an orphanage by her mother after her father left the family in some way. Her brother believes that he died, but it is never mentioned how. In S01E07, Anna mentions that “Her mother was dead. Her father was a drunk”, which suggests he never died but rather became an alcoholic and left the family, but in S02E08, Villanelle says that her family "are all dead". In the orphanage, she was later told the rest of her family died. 

2) Adolescence

Spent the next years getting into trouble with the authorities. Arrest sheet (seen in S01E05) shows that she was in a juvenile delinquents centre, 2001-2006 (ages 8-13). After this, she entered the school where Anna taught. Their history is revealed mainly in S01E07 and S01E08

Anna: “We were told a new student was coming. History of violence. Antisocial behavior. (...) She arrived at the school and… everyone stepped back. Everyone. So I stepped forward. Extra time. Extra lessons. Extra love.”

Oksana exhibited typical manipulative behavior in getting more and more attention from Anna, moving on to demanding time alone with her and becoming jealous of her husband, who was seen as a rival for Anna’s affection. 

Eve: “This... isn't "a few" letters, Anna. This is…” Anna: “She had a... fixation.”

A: “Well, then she wanted more lessons after school. She was good at making you feel bad, so she was here a lot. And it was clear that she didn't like Max, but I thought it was because she didn't trust men.”

A: “No, but she sent me gifts. Clothes, perfume. She must have stolen them. Expensive French designers.”

Anna presents this as one-sided fixation in her conversation with Eve in S01E07.

A: “He said he was aware of my relationship with Oksana - she had been spinning lies again.”

E: “Did you ever have sex with Oksana?” A: “No!”

However, in her confrontation with Villanelle in S01E08 it becomes clear that the feelings were reciprocated in some way.

Villanelle: “The best sex we ever had was on that chair.”

Irina: “Did you two use to go out?” V&A: “She seduced me.”

Eventually, Oksana removed the obstacle in their relationship, Anna’s husband, by castrating and killing him. She expected this to be taken well, but it naturally led Anna to turn on her and she was arrested.

Anna: “There were balloons everywhere and a huge cake, and she was jumping around and... then she showed me what she had done. And she said it like it was a good thing. I went mad. I told her she was evil and crazy and... and then she was picked up by the police... and arrested.”

3) Rebirth as Villanelle

After 3 years in jail, Oksana was recruited by Konstantin to work for the Twelve (revealed by Nadia in S01E06). The organization faked her death and she moved to Paris to work as the assassin Villanelle. Konstantin became her handler, the only person with whom she had a continued relationship. This seems to have created a sort of attachment that differs from the usual fixation by being much less intense, becoming rather the psychopath’s version of a friendship.

In the course of her work, Villanelle met Eve. At first, her obsession with her seems caused by transference: her hair, very similar to Anna’s, caused the woman to fixate, as seen in S01E02.

Jerome: “So, Villanelle... [in Russian] Do you still have dreams about Anna?” Villanelle: (distressed) “That’s not Anna.”

As Eve is revealed to be in charge of the task force devoted to finding her, Villanelle became more interested, and over the course of Season 1, Eve’s actions further fueled her fixation. Eve clearly admired her, wanted to become closer to her and was able to surprise and challenge her. This both fed her ego and maintained her interest.

The season comes to a close with their confrontation in Villanelle’s Paris apartment. When Villanelle was certain that she had drawn in Eve, as she did with previous fixations, she was instead stabbed in the stomach. In a rage, she fired her gun at Eve then ran away.

“I think about you too” - Villanelle and emotional attachment

Circling back to the first section, where we established that there are certain triggers that lead Villanelle to a more emotional and unstable psychopathic profile, the timeline of the previous section seems to establish quite clearly that these triggers are the rare emotional attachments she forms: to her father, to Anna and then to Eve. These attachments take the form of a deep and obsessive fixation, which is still marked by lack of remorse or empathy, but which causes her to feel emotions deeply.

Either because the emotions are indeed felt to an extreme, or because she is simply not experienced with emotions and thus is easily overwhelmed, anything she feels due to these attachments is felt too intensely too ignore or process healthily, and in this way, she comes closer to the behavior of an extreme narcissist, in that she considers herself and her feelings as the most important thing at all times. This can also lead to a feeling of insecurity in the relationship, or like she isn't getting what she deserves, a fair treatment. Because she still lacks empathy and remorse, she will lack intrinsic motivation to make her attachment happy, and will only try to do so when not distracted by her own wants and desires in the relationship. She will also usually act from her own perspective, rather than try to think of what the other would want. 

Actions which a neurotypical individual clearly sees as wrong and to be avoidable, on one level because it would hurt their partner, and on another because it is simply not ethical, seem perfectly fine to her if motivated by her own internal logic. For example, hurting the members of the family that she doesn’t care about or forcing them away so that they won’t compete for her father’s attention, stealing expensive clothing to offer it as a gift, killing Anna’s husband or Eve’s partner Bill. Not only is she not bothered by guilt or remorse over it, she most likely sees nothing wrong with it in the first place: if she is as important to her attachments as they are to her, they won’t have a problem with her actions, as they only serve to deepen their bond. If her attachments react negatively, due to concern for other people, she will be hurt and betrayed, and feel that her deep feelings are not returned.

In this way, Villanelle is indeed capable of feelings, and of being hurt and even crying, but she will most likely never make a healthy partner, and will have no problem engaging in toxic and manipulative behaviors if they are in line with her goals. 

“I really liked you” - the cycle of Villanelle

Now looking back on her past relationships with her father and Anna, we find a common evolution in all of them: Villanelle develops an interest, which is returned. Her obsessive attachment grows, which puts a strain on the relationship. She is possessive, needs all her gestures of affection to be appreciated and returned. At some point she crosses a line which pushes the other away, and on both cases this leads to her being forcefully separated from them. 

This creates in her mind a narrative that the people she loves disappoint or betray her, so that every time she opens her heart, it leads to heartbreak. Add to that the fact that she gets no closure (or, more likely, revenge) and you get someone who is very volatile around love, liable to explode at any rejection, but also insecure from past experiences and thus more likely to see something as rejection.

Part of Oksana's rebirth as Villanelle, which marked her escape from her troubled past and transition to a life where she is in control and wants for nothing, was to bury the part of herself that “fell in love”. Oksana was fragile and Villanelle is not, and this is one of the ways in which Villanelle wants to manifest that. In the terms we use in this essay, she wants to fully become a primary psychopath, finding refuge in the stability of that unemotional mindspace. 

Unfortunately for Villanelle, she does not actually have control over which facet of her psychopathy manifests. Thus, when her attachment to Anna (never resolved, as mentioned above) transfers to Eve and is then reinforced through several interactions and encounters, Villanelle doesn't really seem capable of or interested in resisting. Rather, due to Eve's particularly reckless behavior, she is more encouraged than ever before, and will easily be given to believe that Eve will be "different" - a belief that the audience is more and more likely to share as the season progresses and especially towards the end of S01E08.

The end of Season 1 completes the cycle of Villanelle's emotional connections by having Eve do the same as her past attachments: betray her. As they come to a moment of intimacy, where Villanelle has let her guard down, Eve stabs her. The shock of the rejection is compounded with past experience and trauma to create an instant and intense feeling of betrayal that does not allow for any form of reasoning or further processing. Thus, it makes perfect sense that Villanelle would then revolt against her, try to shoot her, and finally run away, regardless of the fact that Eve immediately regrets her actions and tries to help her. 

“I want to kill her” - the aftermath

The case of Eve has one crucial difference from those of Villanelle’s father and of Anna. As mentioned in the previous section, in both cases, Villanelle’s attachment was forcefully ended and she was immediately removed from the situation. She has never been able to avenge herself of the wrongdoing she suffered, or come to terms with the situation in any way. She claims to move on, and later on seems perfectly capable of killing Anna, saying that she no longer loves her, but it is more likely that she has simply internalized both rejections rather than processed them.

In this case, breaking the pattern, she has not been taken from Eve and Eve has not been taken from her. She can get her closure as soon as she is recovered. This would be a way to step away from her cycle of emotional attachment and possibly set free some hangup in Villanelle's mind that has lingered since her childhood, and so it is very probable that Villanelle herself would latch on to the idea. In addition to the desire for revenge naturally originating from Eve’s betrayal, which would most likely be enough to make her fixate on returning to Eve, there would also be the desire for recovery, fueled by the belief that she can become a better version of herself (more Villanelle-like, less Oksana-like) by going through the ritual of closure, not only from Eve, but from all past rejections.

This leads us to the final conclusion of this essay. At the end of Season 1, we are at the final and lowest point of Villanelle’s cycle, and through analysis of the character of Villanelle, find a strong prediction for how she would behave in the aftermath: to seek revenge as soon as possible, almost as a fixation, due to past trauma on the subject. The way in which this revenge is sought would define Villanelle’s trajectory for the rest of her life, determining in one way or another the end to the pattern of behavior and experiences that has marked her first 25 years.

In this way, the narrative followed in Season 2 becomes unsatisfying in two ways: its beginning and its end. 

The beginning: Villanelle does not desire revenge, but instead believes that Eve hurt her because she loves her. This deviates from a pattern of 25 years for no evident reason, and thus seems to hinge on a lack of internal consistency of the character of Villanelle. However, we have established that even someone with a personality disorder will show this consistency, although in a way that isn’t compatible with the outside world. Psychopaths are not erratic, and would not change their minds on something as fundamental to their development, and a belief so emotionally charged, unless they were significantly challenged.

The end: As the season progresses, Eve and Villanelle are pulled tighter and tighter together, until the explosive finale, when Villanelle opens up in a moment of vulnerability and Eve rejects her. Then, she does seek revenge as soon as possible, by shooting Eve. You will notice that, thematically, this is the exact same progression as the end of Season 1. Inevitably, the viewer is left with the feeling that the showrunner simply ran the plot line of Season 2 through a loop to finish the season at the same point as it started, in order to avoid having to deal with the fallout of such a confrontation.

[the-courage-to-heal]

Step 7 in Recovering From a Relationship With a Narcissist or Psychopath:

Keep up Good Self Care

Basic self care is also another crucial factor survivors must keep working on in the aftermath of toxic relationships. This just means looking after oneself even in small little things in one’s day to day life. Abusive relationships can leave a person depressed and lacking in motivation to do even basic daily chores, and survivors must fight against this tendency and keep up self care routines. This can entail a number of things. 

Here is a quick checklist:

Keep up basic personal hygiene – showering, washing and changing clothes.

Taking care of one’s general appearance – washing and combing one’s hair, shaving properly if necessary, making sure you are well presented in terms of clothing and general demeanor and so on.

Exercising as frequently as possible – join a nearby gym if necessary. Swimming is great for mindfulness and relaxation but most forms of exercise are good.

Making an effort to eat healthy, high quality food. Frozen and microwaved food should ideally be avoided.

Getting adequate and good quality sleep and rest.

Creating a safe, comfortable, private space for oneself that is free of any toxic people.

These basic routines may not sound important to some but are crucial to keeping up self esteem and to some extent dealing with depression, particularly in the case of exercise.

Taking even small steps to keep up one’s personal appearance and self respect is very important in sending out the right messages and starting as you mean to go on in the recovery process. To let your image, self esteem and health slip is to let the psychopath or narcissist win.

Psychologist Shawn T Smith superbly addresses the issue of depression in some of his work. People trying to recover in this regard need to take things in small steps. There can be a viscious cycle that can form where depression kills the very motivation that would get the person out of the depression. His way to approach this issue is building up motivation gradually: “If you plan for the day is to get to the gym, then aim to do so, but even if you only get as far as the locker room and then turn around and go home, well, you still got out the house and got to the gym. Give yourself credit for that and build up motivation in small steps.”

This is sometimes the approach that is necessary for people rebuilding from a very low point such as from psychopathic abuse. Despite it becoming somewhat of a cliche, positive thinking is definitely very important for people in this position. Survivors need to learn to give themselves credit for what they have done and not beat themselves up so much on what they haven’t done. In this way self esteem and motivation can gradually build back up again and get the person back to a place where they are happy with themselves and their life again.

Steps: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

source

[manifestationtips4you]

5 Simple Ways to Change Your Life With The Law Of Attraction (Learn This)

Johanna, a college student from Kuala Lumpur, had been struggling to finish her studies.

She was living in a dorm with other students and had trouble making ends meet.

Johanna was on a scholarship which meant she needed to keep her grades high while working part-time to support her living expenses.

Strapped for time and resources, she barely got by and started feeling burnt out. If Johanna wasn't hitting the books, she was working.

Everything started to become a blur and she was losing motivation to keep going.

It got so bad that Johanna even thought about telling her parents she couldn't do it anymore and drop out of college.

But then a classmate from her philosophy class introduced her to the Law of Attraction.

Jacques, a foreign exchange student from Canada, had been reading up on it and applied it in his own life.

According to him, it had helped him manifest a solution to his own problems.

He had lived in an abusive home growing up, and Jacques learned how to shift his thinking and perspective to change his circumstances.

Johanna wasn't sure at first what to make of it, but she took Jacques's word for it and started applying its principles in her own life.

Click Here To Discover the Lazy Person's Secret To Get Everything You've Ever Wished For <= [Link this text via your affiliate link]

After she made a shift in her own mindset and attitude, Johanna started to experience some positive changes.

She eventually quit her part-time job and found another one with better pay and hours which helped with her living expenses.

It also helped free up her time, so she managed to study AND start a side income project selling items online.

Johanna ended up growing her side business so much that she got Jacques to help her manage it.

By the end of the academic year, she had turned into a completely different person.

Johanna was no longer a depressed, burned-out student from before. She had become a self-sufficient student and even made the dean's list!

The Power of Changing Your Focus

Sometimes, we get so discouraged that we feel powerless to change our situation.

Like Johanna, we fall into a FIXED mindset where we think things will stay the same and we can't do anything about it.

But the only way to break out of this negative spiral is by changing your INNER world.

This is the key to influencing your external world so you can move forward in life.

In a nutshell, the Law of Attraction is a way of living that requires you to change your frequency.

When you do this, the Universe will pick up your signal and your life will change for the better.

As for the frequency I mentioned, this is basically the vibration of energy that your mind gives off.

You can either operate at a high or low vibration, and each type will give you a specific result.

Most people don't realize they're giving off low-frequency energy, which is actually making their situation worse. Discover the Lazy Person's Secret To Get Everything You've Ever Wished For - CLICK HERE

The main problem is when you attach your emotions to your external circumstances.

For instance, it's easy to feel bad when you're broke. And naturally, it's just as easy feel the opposite if you had money in the bank.

Similarly, seeing other people in a happy, romantic relationship will make you bitter and angry if you're single.

And so on…

I'm not saying it's wrong to feel bad about things like that. However, you shouldn't use your circumstances (and how you FEEL about them) as an excuse to STOP trying.

People fail to realize that NOT doing anything about their situation will only make them feel WORSE. And this further traps them in a vicious cycle of negativity and inaction.

Thus, the Law of Attraction will help you install a more positive attitude in your consciousness.

This keeps your mind from being overrun by negativity - and more importantly, give you the leverage to BREAK FREE from your situation.

With some practice, your thoughts and actions will effortlessly work together to attract positive circumstances in your life.

But where should you start? Here are some ways to put the Law of Attraction into action and start creating massive changes:

#1: Share Your Gifts to the World

The Bible talks about the power of giving, and how it outweighs the benefits of getting.

But no matter what your faith or beliefs are, it helps to think of generosity on a LARGER SCALE.

Giving is more than just a virtue - it's a type of cosmic currency.

When you perform acts of kindness or share your resources for no other reason than WANTING TO, you're putting this currency into circulation.

And soon enough, this positive energy you send into the world - and the Universe as a whole - will find its way back to you.

You won't get it in the same form, but it will come around, one way or another.

I know that sometimes, giving feels like the LAST thing you want to do - especially when your own life is lacking in some capacity.

Why bother extending yourself when you've got enough to worry about for yourself?

But that's exactly the point.

Giving - even when you THINK you can't - will prove that this is a FALSE perception.

Let your acts of generosity serve as a reminder to everyone that in spite of everything, life IS and will ALWAYS be abundant.

Trust in the infinite energy of the Universe and tune into its unique frequency.

Your selflessness is the key to that. A generous attitude raises the quality of the vibrations you send out into the world.

Escaping the scarcity mindset and the fear of not having enough is one of the most liberating things you can do.

By doing so, you're FREE to improve the lives of others - and yours in the process.

Learn How To Use Destiny Tuning To Manifest The Life You Want - CLICK HERE

#2: Stop hanging out with losers

I don't mean to sound judgmental, but there are people in your life that will try to drag you down, whether they're aware of it or not.

You should avoid them at all costs.

People in a bad situation will try to feel better about themselves by spreading their toxic way of thinking to others.

They pull others down with their hurtful words, or convince them that they're not good enough.

Instead of doing something about their own situation, it's easier to go down this dark path and take everyone else with them.

And the Law of Attraction states that when you focus on something, the Universe will feed you more of the SAME.

So the good news is that you can choose to avoid this downward spiral and get on another path instead.

This is why you need to be careful about the company you keep. Choose the people that can share their constructive energy with you.

If their attitude, mindset and words lift you up, you know you're in the right place.

Their energy is contagious, and you'll naturally raise your own frequency and attract only good things in your life.

As for toxic people, I know there are times when you simply can't avoid them.

They could be family, friends, or co-workers - and you might be even living with some of them.

It's a challenge for sure, but do your best not to let their negative energy get to you.

You don't have to butt heads with them and simply respond with positivity.

If you're in a conversation with them, try to frame it in a healthy, positive way so you don't get sucked into their toxic field of gravity.

You don't have to change their mind; just take the “agree to disagree” route and leave it at that.

Who knows, your own energy might “rub off” on their consciousness. They might even think about what you told them and re-evaluate their own perspective.

#3: Get out from under the grind

We all have our lives to lead, and that means falling into a routine.

Now, don't get me wrong - having structure in your life is important and even necessary.

At a basic level, we need it to function on a daily basis. Incorporating helpful habits into your everyday routine is a GOOD thing.

However, there is a danger in being TOO embedded in it and shutting yourself off to trying NEW things.

Sticking too closely to your routine could make you afraid of the unfamiliar and uncomfortable - and hinder your GROWTH in the process.

So if you want to attract new and exciting things into your life, you should carve out some room for that.

Learn How To Use Destiny Tuning To Manifest The Life You Want - CLICK HERE

Doing things that help you grow ALWAYS has a place in a well-balanced life. A stable, healthy routine is the best way to avoid a soul-crushing existence.

What are the things that inspire you?

Outside of your usual chores and duties, what gives you a sense of fulfillment - even if it doesn't pay the bills?

People usually shoot down any desire for this because they're afraid they “don't have enough time.”

But you'll see just how flimsy that excuse is once you actually take the plunge and spend that time you didn't think you had.

In as little as half an hour, you could engage in a fulfilling pursuit. Find (or rekindle) a hobby, take up an online course or watch free videos.

Let it energize your senses, inspire you to greatness and empower you to create something wonderful in this world.

More than that, you can acquire knowledge to advance you in some way, like learning a skill, for example.

I recently came across a post on Twitter that made me smile.

It said: “There's too much free information online for y'all not be crushin it in whatever field.”

Use your precious time to invest in a better you and express yourself through your passions.

Don't worry about the “if”s and “how”s. Just get started with something now, and the rest of your life will adjust to it.

You won't know what new avenues will open up UNTIL you get the ball rolling,

#4: Quiet your mind

Meditation is one habit that goes very well with practicing the Law of Attraction.

When you learn how to control your thoughts (instead of the other way around), you're in the best position to manifest the things you want.

A lot of people find it challenging to keep their thoughts above water when they're flooded with negative emotions.

With meditation, you can take a step back and remove yourself from a situation in a healthy way.

There are books, free content online and mobile apps that can help you with this.

For instance, I just tried out the Insight app on my phone which is kind of like the YouTube equivalent for meditation.

Learn How To Use Destiny Tuning To Manifest The Life You Want - CLICK HERE

You can search by a specific person or channel, or even topics like easing anxiety, anger management, and so on.

This is a low-maintenance habit which will only take about 10-15 minutes daily. You could even spend five minutes if you're really strapped for time!

This basically works by sitting down on the floor (or a chair) and closing your eyes.

The idea is to take slow, measured breaths and pay attention to the physical sensations you're feeling at the moment.

Are your muscles tense? Is your heart beating quickly from the stress you're currently experiencing?

These are some of the things to be mindful of as you breathe in and out. If any other thoughts enter your mind, don't resist it.

Don't chase after them and just let it pass. Then you can go back to focusing on the rhythm of your breath.

Take this time to focus on the feelings of love, health, success and prosperity.

In other words, the things you want to ATTRACT.

Concentrate your attention on inhaling and exhaling. Once you've calmed your mind enough, you're ready to visualize the things you want to manifest in life.

This will have a powerful effect on your subconscious and put you on the path towards your goals.

And that brings us to the last life-changing habit…

#5: Affirmations

Muhammad Ali, one of the greatest boxers in history, was known for saying, “What you're thinking is what you're becoming.”

Indeed.

That attitude helped him become what he was, and it will serve you well, too.

Most of the time, people don't pay attention to the kind of thoughts they hold in their heads.

Left unchecked, they often feed into a toxic narrative they have about themselves without realizing it.

Like I said earlier, what you put in your subconscious affects you.

The things you tell yourself are like seeds you plant in your mind and they'll grow over time. Those same thoughts will express themselves in your actions and the choices you make.

So, you need to be careful which seeds you plant.

Joseph Murphy, author of the book, “The Power of the Subconscious Mind”, tells us that this part of your mind can't distinguish which thoughts are real or imagined.

As far as it's concerned, your subconscious will treat it as FACT whether it's happening in the physical world or NOT.

Thus, people don't just operate on these subconscious beliefs. Without being aware of it, they're turning their thoughts into reality.

And it WILL happen - one way or another.

The perception you have about yourself is largely influenced by the people you had around while growing up.

Their input - whether good or bad - left a mark on your subconscious that's hard to shake off.

And this programming kicks in whenever you make decisions and it dictates how you respond to tough times.

This inner dialogue can act as your inner voice of confidence and self-assurance…

…or as in most people's cases, it's the voice of fear and self-doubt.

You might think you're not good enough or smart enough because you couldn't stop the bad things from happening.

You curse yourself for messing things up, then blame it on some pre-assigned character defect.

Usually, it's in the form of labels like “Loser”, “Hopeless Case”, “Slacker”, “Weirdo” and so on.

But remember, these labels only have as much power over as you ALLOW it.

You can apply the Law of Attraction to change this inner chatter and rewire your mind for success instead.

It's impossible to attract wealth, abundance and happiness if you're focused on putting yourself down.

Learn How to Force the Universe to Manifest Your Dream Life - CLICK HERE

You can do the opposite by using encouraging statements that will empower you to take action.

Here are some examples to try during your meditation sessions:

Affirmations that span across time: Think about what's already happened, what's happening now, and what's yet to come. Then put it all together like this: “BEFORE, I was broke, miserable and hated the world. But I know better NOW and want to turn it around. Things are about to change, and SOON I'll be prosperous, happy and living my dream life.”

Affirmations that are crystal clear: Saying something like “I am loved” or “I am blessed” is a good start, but they're a bit vague. Try elaborating on these ideas and flesh them out even more. Then you'll end up with a statement like “I'm surrounded by people who love and support me. They help me grow as a person and want to see me succeed.” As for being blessed, you can say “I'm blessed with infinite opportunities and resources, and my life is full and abundant.”

Affirmations with an attitude: Another way to supercharge your subconscious is by being a little cheeky with your statements. When that voice of fear and insecurity kicks in, drown out the noise with, “Whatever, I'm amazing at everything I do. I fight like hell and do my best, and I can't hear what you're saying!” Adding some lighthearted humor amplifies your signal and makes it easier for the Universe to hear your thoughts. Try this the next time you're feeling especially down on yourself.

When you improve the quality of your thoughts, it's as if your circumstances will rearrange itself on their own.

These changes will seem to happen without doing much on your part. But the truth is that you're already doing the heavy lifting by disciplining your mind.

Starting today, you can apply these five tips I've just shared with you to create ripples of change in your life.

The more you practice them, the bigger waves will result from your efforts. I hope you make use of this knowledge and empower yourself for greatness.

Before I go, there's ONE MORE gift I'd like to share with you…

It's called the Manifestation Breakthrough Kit, and for a limited time I'm offering it totally FREE of charge.

You can combine this kit with the five tips you just learned to get even BETTER results.

learn how to FORCE the Universe to give you everything you've ever wanted…and MORE! - CLICK HERE

[nyacromancey]

Killing Stalking and Hannibal

TW: abuse, violence 

 I thought I’d take a closer look at these two pieces of media, Killing Stalking and the Hannibal franchise (TV show centered, with parts from the books). Under the cut if you’d like to read on. This will probably reach, like, two people who’ve read/watched these works lol. 

 First, let’s start off with the main antagonists around which our protagonists revolve. Hannibal Lecter and Oh Sangwoo. The two have equally distressing and traumatic childhoods that leave a large imprint upon their adult lives. These imprints are fixations on female relatives (Mischa and Eunseo respectively) and a need to almost reenact these traumatic events in the form of serial killing.

World War II occurred during Hannibal Lecter’s childhood, causing them to remove themselves from their home to escape to an isolated area to avoid the Germans. However, later, the Soviets make their way to the lodge only to be bombed; the bomb killed everyone but the children. With Mischa and Hannibal Lecter captured, six deserters leave them in a barn. After running out of food, the deserters take Mischa to kill her and eat her. Hannibal fails in his attempt to save her, and later, is unknowingly fed parts of her. From this moment onward, Hannibal’s perception of reality is altered. He becomes violent and vengeful, seeking the deserters’ deaths. His fascination with killing those offensive to him escalates until he begins eating them, creating a cycle for his adult life. He meticulously cultivates a “person suit” to wear in America, becoming the cannibal psychiatrist, doctor, and chef whom we all know. 

 Oh Sangwoo’s childhood was turbulent. Having a mentally ill mother attempt to smother him with a pillow when he was a toddler certainly isn’t good parenting skills. His mother coddles him throughout childhood, cheating on her husband repeatedly. It is unknown when the switch occurs, but eventually Sangwoo’s father turns violent towards his son and wife. It’s the perfect situation for Sangwoo’s mother to create an “us vs him” relationship with her son, lavishing affection upon him up until the moment she poisons his father and blames the act on him. She then begins to attempt to poison her son. Sangwoo, believing the relationship between his mother and him to be strong and loving, soon becomes obsessed with counting the pills she used to kill his father. The story escalates with his mother snapping and holding him hostage to abuse him, eventually killing herself and claiming he will die a “most painful death.” After her death, Sangwoo becomes paranoid and delusional, believing that any woman he encounters will attack and hurt him the same as his mother, and so he kills them first. 

 The complete failure of proper authorities to ensure mental health issues were not present leads to these characters becoming serial killers in their own rights. They keep up charming and likable fronts to the public eye. Then they meet characters and learn they don’t have to be alone. Both Hannibal and Sangwoo, in my opinion, strived to be understood and known by another person, but they weren’t aware of this longing until they meet people who they do want to share with. In Hannibal’s case, Will Graham becomes the person who he wants to share with. For Sangwoo, Yoon Bum essentially crashes into his life with an obsession with his person suit, and gradually, with him as he truly is. 

Yoon Bum already “knew” Sangwoo by the time he broke into his house and found the girl in his basement. He believed himself to be in love with him, and when Sangwoo returns to find him there, he confesses his feelings for him. Sangwoo is shocked by this, but with Bum being there and seeing his true self to a degree, he sees Bum as a threat. So he breaks his ankles and chains him up to take the girl’s place. Yet with Hannibal meeting Will, a stranger to him, he sees in them qualities that he wants to exploit for his own benefit. He, in a way, forces his beliefs and manipulations upon him to make him dance for his own pleasure. He wants to see his brains in action.

 Sangwoo and Yoon Bum and Hannibal and Will’s arcs follow similar paths in regards to Hannibal and Sangwoo’s manipulations of them. They see similarities in their chosen partners with themselves and want to “test” them in certain ways. When they fail to complete the tests or react in a certain way, both characters punish them for it. Sangwoo’s abuse is more physical and recoverable (hitting, hanging, choking) and later apologizing for acting in such a way and becoming more affectionate. Hannibal, on the other hand, puts himself on more of a pedestal. He isn’t capable of mistakes, and if he punishes Will, Will deserves it. This is shown in the mental manipulations of Will to frame him as a murderer and, later, stabbing him. 

 While neither relationships express a healthy version of love, the characters develop an unhealthy codependency on each other--the closest form to love they can reach, as damaged as they are. Sangwoo and Bum have extreme highs and lows in their relationship because Sangwoo and Bum’s unchecked mental illnesses frequently interfere with their visions of each other. Sangwoo is extremely reluctant to acknowledge his feelings for Bum and even dislikes Bum mentioning his own (shown by Bum crying out “I like you” during sex and Sangwoo responding with “Shut up”). However, the “sweet” middle part of both relationships is centered on these moments, but they are prevented from being truly together because of deceptions. Will makes Hannibal believe he killed Freddie Lounds, when all he is trying to do is get revenge on Hannibal for his past misdeeds. Sangwoo is still refusing to acknowledge his past and how it affects his relationship with Bum. Hannibal and Bum are blissful in their newfound love for their partner, unknowing of the hidden truths they’re hiding. 

Their arcs come full circle, with Hannibal and Sangwoo eventually realizing that their root cause for acting the way they do is grounded in their chosen partners. Hannibal realizes he loves Will, and by loving Will, he should complete the circle as done before and eat him. In comparison, Sangwoo’s mental illness spirals downward when he realizes Bum and his mother fill the same roles in different ways. While Hannibal places Mischa on a pedestal higher than himself, Sangwoo is haunted by his mother in drastic forms of love and hate. He expresses regret for not killing Bum earlier; his paranoia is taking over him as his belief that Bum is trying to poison him solidifies. However, while Hannibal and Will frequently communicate, Bum is oblivious to Sangwoo’s deteriorating self. Because they do not properly communicate, Sangwoo’s final snap leads to the permanent separation of Bum and him. Sangwoo reverts to the cold, unfeeling person we saw in the first episode; any progress on him wanting to be “different” is lost in his delusion of Bum trying to kill him and, in the end, the belief that Bum does not truly love him. For a character that frequently communicated his need to be loved for who he was, Bum betrayed him by failing to acknowledge it. Sangwoo dies without receiving any communication with Bum despite crying out for him until he was suffocated. Bum takes Sangwoo’s ashes back to his house, to the place where it all began, and hallucinates their good times until he imagines Sangwoo leading him out onto a busy road. I choose to believe Bum was hit by a car at this point, echoing their promise to die together or, at least, close to each other. 

 On the other hand, Hannibal realizing his arc coming full circle is not the way he intends his life to go. After long periods of time, Hannibal and Will are reunited and kill together, and as Hannibal says, “This is all I ever wanted for you, Will. For both of us” and Will responding with, “It’s beautiful” shows their growth, yet Will pulling them off the cliff also gives them a definitive ending (if that is indeed the ending). 

 Hannibal and Will were allowed to grow; Sangwoo and Bum were not. Hannibal and Will end the story together; Sangwoo and Bum’s story ends as it began: with Bum chasing after Sangwoo. Personally, I would have loved to see Sangwoo and Bum’s relationship end on a more Hannibal-esque note, and that’s where I believed the story was going when Sangwoo had Bum kill Jieun, but I have to acknowledge Koogi’s excellent writing in not going that route. Yes, the ending hurt. However, ending the story at the beginning, so to speak, was definitely strong.