#absurdist humour

[ririwithrice]

restaurant that has edible cutlery but they only put it out on request so you forget to ask for it and you’re just biting into regular ass metal on accident the first 2 times you go.

[overheardbyvarioustherapists]

Crowley: The ordinary days that we live in may, in fact, be a series of miracles. Vil, standing with the rest of the housewardens: OK, but why are we gathered around a goat?

[man-and-atom]

MARS HORSE

MARS HORSE

MARS HORSE

We will note that the Mars Pathfinder rover "Sojourner", which landed on Mars on 4 July 1997, was 65 cm long, 48 cm wide, and 30 cm high (the wheels being about 10 cm in diameter), with a mass of 10·6 kg. The entire package which entered the Martian atmosphere had a mass of 584 kg, and what actually landed, 370 kg.

Not much room for a horse! (Wikipedia says the smallest horse on record was 43 cm tall at the withers and had a mass of 26 kg.)

NASA/JPL fact sheet

good lord this thing is useless

[cyber-corp]

You thought The Substance was a comedy? You thought what happened to her throughout the film was funny?

[blitzstrikebop]

this post crosses a line from offensive to just plain hysterical humour by reaching so much. this image is like john waters style absurdist camp shock art craftmanship for people who are scared of john waters. it haunts me

[majorbaby]

you know, it's a merciful thing that there was shit all continuity on MASH because can you imagine poor Margaret in "A War for all Seasons", unable to order a winter coat from the Sears catalogue, if she could remember that one time TrapHawk ordered two gorilla suits to their tent? for a bit??

[dontyoulistentome]

Crystal Palace.

Can't say if that sounds more like a stripper name, or a Barbie landmark.

[divinekangaroo]

The way the camera in PB follows Tommy everywhere is absolutely ripe for those 70s, 80s, 90s satires of popular TV shows which apparently fell out of vogue in the 2000s: I can't stop picturing the cameraman running into the back of him every time he stops walking.

[ririwithrice]

there’s dragons den and shark tank, what next?

chickens coop

horses stable

fishes aquarium

pigs sty

cows barn

ants mountain

spiders web

wasps nest

[armand-dearest]

I am in PAIN laughing so hard at DougDoug's new video, Jesus fucking Christ someone help me

[thesulliedone]

Holy shit they gave Rayman guns.

[on-a-lucky-tide]

Your tags make me want to read Price getting to pat Nik. Please? 🥺

Nik's hair is a reflection of his character.

cw: none (partly inspired by a post by @panchulien with a young Nik and Price).

Price had realised he was obsessed with Nik's hair quite early on. When they had met, it had been a harsh buzz cut; a number two all the way over at the very longest, with a clean shaven jaw. It hadn't suited him. Not even in his blue uniform and cap. His eyes were too warm for the austere, minimalist impression the rest of him was trying to communicate. It was like his internal conflict had manifested in his physical appearance; the severe officer battling the warm-hearted Russian patriot.

After Price had "liberated" him, or rather, encouraged him to turn informant and cut his own path towards liberation, Nik had grown his hair out. Price remembered seeing him for the first time after freeing him from the detention centre in which his own government were going to execute him. Nearly a year had passed, and Nik's hair had grown into an unruly mane. Close to a mullet, but with erratic, thick black curls paired with roguish facial hair. He had reminded Price of a musketeer or a Renaissance poet. The sombre misery had been replaced by an almost manic charisma.

That had suited him. It set off the wildness in his eyes. But that wildness had manifested in other, more dangerous ways. Price and Nik had fed off of each other's anger and their penchant for violence in those early days. When they were on op together, their lack of boundaries had led them to dark places; Nik, without direction or purpose beyond point and shoot, and Price with a chip on his shoulder.

Price had watched those thick curls fall across a blood smeared face after Nik had beaten a man to death with his bare hands more than once, the crooked smirk that followed revealing a flash of something raw and in pain beneath the surface. They crossed lines, violated boundaries and codes of ethics, telling themselves it was for a higher purpose that not even they had much of a handle on.

Mac had tried to keep them apart. Had warned Price away and told him to get a grip. Dogs that bit the hand that fed them were put down eventually, one way or another. But Nik had been intoxicating. His rage completed and complemented Price's in the worst and best ways.

Nik needed to heal. They both did. It took years. Years of dancing around each other, of finding the limit of what they would do for the "greater good", working out what that even bloody meant in the first place. They carved out their own morality, separate from the hypocrisy of the institutions that had made them, and slowly, slowly, the rage, the bleeding wounds, inside Nikolai had healed. Price had fallen in love with that wild, uncontrollable maniac, and he had stayed in love with him once he had found enough peace to stop his own self-destruction.

Price sat across from him in the little boat they had hired for a tour down the River Oder. Nik had wanted to show Price Wrocław, the Venice of Poland. Twelve little islands connected by over a hundred little bridges, with one of the biggest markets in Europe. Nik had spent the morning dragging Price down side streets to find some of the three hundred odd little bronze gnomes scattered throughout the city. "To commemorate the Orange Alternative movement," Nik had explained, his big hands gesturing expressively towards the Gothic Town Hall, tone excitable and boyish, "they used absurdist humour to protest against communist rule in the eighties."

Nik was at peace now. Nearing his fiftieth birthday, his hair was receding into a deeper widow's peak, smoothed back and neat, with slight curls at the back and beneath his ears. His stubble flattered his jaw and Price liked raking his nails through it when they kissed. Not too wild, not too austere. A perfect balance that reflected the equilibrium in Nik's heart.

"John?" Nik asked, his eyebrows raised. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, comrade," Price said, flashing rueful smile. "Just thinkin' about old times."

"Ah." Nik scratched up his bare forearm to the fold of the sleeve at his elbow. "Well then," he picked up his glass of krupnik and Price did the same, "to old times."

"And all the good times to come, cheers." Price knocked back a mouthful of the liqueur and grimaced. "Jesus fuck, Nik, this shit is fockin' 'orrid." He tipped the remainder of the glass overboard. "Could murder a man for a decent stout."

Nik rolled his eyes. "You take the Englishman out of England, but..."

Price kicked his shin lightly. "Yeah yeah, Mr World Wide. I'm a simple man with simple tastes, not all of 'em good."

"Oh, I don't know," Nik hummed. "You are dating me after all."

And there, just for a moment, was a flash of that wild, curly-haired man that had first stolen Price's heart in the devilish little grin on Nik's face, and Price's blood ran hot in his veins.

[forgottenbones]

[robo-milky]

[CW: Dark/absurdist humour + may mention blood/gore + may swear]

A Silly Dialogue Only Event Featuring…

Follow the questionable shenanigans of the apathetic Cloche, out-of-date Mors, and too-nice-to-say-no Leikata on their endeavour to exploit injured students for rep/money with the worst solutions imaginable find a use for Ramshackle’s many rooms! The bedding is dusty, and all bandages are made from cut curtains, but do you really want the school nurse to find out about your stupidity? Unlicensed healing magic and potions are illegal anyways, so you might as well come down here. But wait- There’s more! Ramshackle Clinic is also opening up “free” therapy for hardworking students!

Reblog for a ticket number and mail your concerns to the inbox! Ramshackle Clinic will be on its way to help.

Ex. “I want work.” “Lilia’s cooking upset my stomach…” “I heard XYZ visited a couple days ago, why aren’t they out yet?” “A request for the Doctor/Nurse/Receptionist to…” “I’m here to visit XYZ”

OCs and Canon characters welcome! Can’t say if they’ll be treated well…