#absolutely not bc I have no friends and no goals other than survival

[isoflurane]

literally free falling through life at this stage

[shalom-iamcominghome]

I’m going to send emails out soon to finally try to find a willing rabbi to guide me in the conversion process. I’ve said I wanted to convert in December but was thinking about it even before then (that’s just when I told people). But I’m worried about not being Jewish enough. Like I want to convert ‘orthodox’ Sephardic, which ik is kind of redundant bc most sephardic ppl just say sephardic and aren’t rlly divided into orthodox, conservative, reform either due to historical reason, but like what if I turn out being not so orthodox after? Like I love the idea of being observant, but I know that I’m not someone to wear modest dress 24/7 (rn I only wear shorts like a handful of times of year but I’ll also wear leggings, and tights pants or v neck shirts that show cleavage). And I’m not a virgin and don’t really want to be celibate. Idk I just feel like if I go through the process of converting and being observant, I will be expectant to be fully observant and idk if that’s an expectation I can’t hold. Are there any other ppl that converted only to become ‘less’ observant after? And idk observance is a personal things, but many ppl will still look at you as less observant if you don’t follow every interpretation they do

I want to preface this by saying I hope you are able to find a rabbi who you feel safe to discuss this with. Oftentimes, you'll find that they themselves can empathize with you, even if they themselves are born jews. Jewish identity for all is complex. I also hope that, in answering this further, you might find comfort and know that you are worthy of converting.

I am in a mixed Ashki and Sephardi conservative shul, and my sponsoring rabbi is himself not conservative (I'm in a unique position). When he and when other rabbis ask about observance goals, I have noticed it is so they can anticipate how they can best help you. I myself want to be a 'typical' conservative jewish man, so I find some level of empathy with you! It's hard! And you're in what can feel like a raw and vulnerable space, one where judaism feels just out of reach, something you want or need. Trust me when I say I absolutely get it.

I felt the exact same as you before I joined my shul and later again when I found my rabbi. I worried about the fact that I didn't know how to daven, when to bow, the fact that the siddur is transliterated differently than what we say. It was overwhelming! But then... my community privileged me and truly put such an astounding effort in supporting my journey. It is by no means over, but they treat me the same as any other jew in the congregation. I'd feel weird if I pulled by phone out during shabbos because they hold me in the same light as them. All of this is to say that it is just as likely that you will find a community with whom you feel embraces you through this entire wonderful journey. It is entirely possible to marry your goals with judaism - it has been done before. How could a culture, a religion, a people have survived millenniums without someone like you having made a similar journey and made it as a jew? There will always be people like you, like me, who have made this journey and made it work for them, with others who loved them as a comrade, lover, friend, and confidant.

And when it comes to a varying of practice once you are jewish? It is only natural if that happens. A conversion is not an ever-lasting contract to stay stagnant in your practice - it is, essentially, formalizing that you are part of this people. I have been following plenty of jews who have converted and who have both become more observant and less observant. In fact, a ruling about this which has truly comforted me is from Ben-Zion Meir Hai Uziel, a Sephardi chief rabbi who made a ruling about this:

You are human, and there are 613 mitzvot. Hardly any of us consistently follow them all - especially when many require the temple! We can only expect you to do your best, to live jewishly under your terms and readiness! It takes some of us years to work up to certain observances, and that is regardless of jewish status. It would be unfair to expect you to take on more than you are ready for, regardless of if you have immersed yet or not. Heck, I only feel comfortable observing a select amount of mitzvot because I want to understand all of them before doing them. I want my soul to yearn for an aspect of observance, because my personal goal is to fall hopelessly and madly in love with jewish life, judaism, and this wonderful people. I want to emphasize that we all come at judaism with a unique, interesting, and worthy background. Yours is no exception.

I hope that, maybe, you got something out of this rambling. You are worth it to convert if you have decided this is your desire, want, or need. I for one welcome you here, and hope that our paths continue to cross. Please don't hesitate to talk anytime - judaism is a communal practice. It is not something you can wholly do alone.

[wellsbering]

Every TAZ Live One-Shot (no previous knowledge of Lore required)

if you've ever thought "hm, the adventure zone seems interesting, but i don't feel like committing to catching up on multiple long campaigns right now", good news! this is a list of all the live eps that take place in their own universes (or in the case of "the ballad of bigfoot", is kind of a spinoff of amnesty but is completely understandable without having listened to amnesty & contains no major spoilers).

the links are to apple podcasts bc that's what i use but you can also find them on the maximum fun website, spotify, etc

Hootenanny: a country-themed space opera. a space opry, you might say

the ballad of bigfoot: an amnesty story: the game system for this one is called "Oh, Dang! Bigfoot Stole My Car With My Friend's Birthday Present Inside". technically bigfoot is a recurring character in the amnesty arc but this ep is like, barely related to that at ALL

dadlands: brennan lee mulligan GMs a "post-apocalyptic dad-based survival sim" and it's actually even funnier than it sounds.

dadlands 2: into the corn hole: it's dadlands again, but this time with 100% more backyard games.

holiday brawl: the goal in this game system is to kick santa claus's ass. yeah

just us: superheroes try to maintain their secret identities at a company picnic.

just us (the sequel): those same superheroes are now trying to hide their identities at a convention. this one is somehow more wild than the previous one

spirit breakers: the year is 1899, and spookington manor (which is definitely not the house from the classic board game clue) is being haunted by a mysterious beast. who ya gonna call? the spirit breakers! and also another ghosthunting group that DEFINITELY isn't a knockoff version of the scooby-doo gang. special guest aabria iyengar is an absolute delight

spirit breakers (san jose edition): an entirely new set of ghost hunters (so you dont even need to listen to the other spirit breakers ep for this one) investigates hauntings at the winchester mystery house (still DEFINITELY not a clue board), and special guest aabria iyengar returns to try and seduce one of the winchester boys. no, not those winchesters. sandy, deacon, and deacon's husband casual are completely original characters, copyright 2023 by travis mcelroy

the adventure bone: three dead adventurers are reanimated as skeletons and tasked with preventing an ancient and deadly beast from rising again...in the middle of a resort full of rich people on vacation.

[rottytops]

i definitely think the adhd medication (successfully) rewired my brain and made me seek out long term goals over short term pleasure like i have been literally my entire life so now my current goals are to unfuck my credit to move away from my shitty roomies, get my new car and actually get into an ltr lmao

SUPRISINGLY ENOUGH 2 of these 3 goals are either in progress or very obtainable ive been saving a tunna cash and i can get a new car next month after i get my license renewed and ive found this cute little studio that i can maybe move into if i get help co-signing it, then ill just camp out there until my loans are paid off in 50000 years

the last one though.,,,,its so weird. the like. burning fervor to date someone long term kinda slugged me in the back of the head! ive always WANTED a nice relationship but it was never a PRIORITY to me bc i had video games or whatever. these new feelings made me realize ive been living my life like. entirely for myself which is FINE but my standards for myself (combined with how ADHD made me content with literally anything as long as it was easy) make me like. gutter trash tier as a partner, i think. essentially as i am now, unless the other person is equal parts deranged and shitty, im utterly unlovable which is like. tough tits i guess. but if im honest about it i can at least try to change it. part of me is conflicted; if i have to change myself to become more datable, is the person really dating me, or am i just creating a false persona to get conditional love. its a scary thought but at the same time im not really changing MYSELF past getting in shape and taking care of my skin, its more im giving up on being a dopamine addicted manchild and getting my own apartment. with my own car and stuff...these are actually just completely normal goals to have and i already wanted them i just kinda have new motivation for it lmao!

you cant just force a relationship and theres no way im attracting the hoes to me in my shitty room, so i think i need to??? go??? outside??? and hang out with ppl??? utterly mortifying but when i get my car next month i think i can actually do that. id like to make more irl friends as well, i had a bunch of friends in college so. i guess ill go to more smash locals or something but outside of that sigh sigh i have no idea.

these major revelations have all hit me in like the past 2 weeks, since i started my medication and the dosage was upped, i have a lot of work to do and not that much time to do it, really!!!! i hope i can become someone like. worth keeping around in a few months time...!!! the pieces are there i just need to like, put them together....



i could write a whole thing on how mad i am that it took me so long to get medicated and how fast i became a Normal Person after being on meds but like idk that line of thinking doesnt help anybody...!! i accomplished so much even with my debilitating ADHD and now i can do so much more with a mindset that can actually handle the shit neurotypical people expect me to be able to do, considering how im literally good at everything, combined with how ive managed to survive this long with almost no real help from irl people (seriously ive gotten more assistance from my online friends than literally anybody in my family both financially and emotionally) means that me WITH medication is gonna go absolutely insane. im going to be like ultra rich this time next year, probably LMAO....or at least have a boyfriend AURHUFG



anyway if u read this for some reason i love u and also give me ideas on going out and meeting people, i think i can hold a conversation just fine but where do people even GO. do you guys think ppl at bars or whatever know about disgaea. hmmm.

[toastybugguy]

do u like theo???

SIGHH…. I. OKAY.

I hated him so much when he first entered the show bc the “everyone thinks [x] is a complete angel but the viewer knows they’re actually a villain” trope is one of my LEAST favorites for how eternally frustrating it is to watch. I have an archive of all the Theo slander I was posting on my story when I watched the show for the first time hold on

HE PISSED ME OFF SO BAD there’s more in my notes app too SO SUFFICE TO SAY I DIDN’T LIKE HIM LMAOJJDJ.

but I will begrudgingly. BEGRUDGINGLY. admit that having watched his full arc twice now I can say he’s… really interesting. And it makes me sad that we don’t actually get a full resolution with him because I think by the end, like Cody Christian has sort of said, he does want to do good and admires people that have a capacity to do good, but he doesn’t get to ever say that even if you can sort of glean it. Also they keep making him do these scenes posts s5 where he looks all weepy and everytime I’m like GOD FINE. I’LL LET HIM DEVELOP… he’s really good at it it’s not fair why can’t they just let me stay biased…

Basically 5a-5b Theo is not my friend but 6a-6b Theo is my friend... I would LIKE to keep hating him with my entire heart but by the end of the show he’s just. So complex. So messy. He makes me sad. He’s got no real goals anymore other than survival and it makes him a very different character to have in play. I still love to slander him though. I WILL be cheering raucously during any scene that has him getting absolutely bodied 🫶 It’s what I need after the emotional turmoil I went through during the sciles breakup in 5a-5b.

[solasan]

8 - 15 + alarice 💓

ask me questions abt my ocs <3

8. would your OC ostensibly be able to get away with murder?

oh absolutely. i mean, she kind of does over the course of the game lol; she's an extremely good liar, so she's pretty good at talking her way out of suspicious situations. i think her method of body disposal in the city at least is just... dumping bodies in the chionthar, which works pretty well for her (i imagine bodies turn up in the chionthar all the time).

morality-wise, she's not inclined towards cold-blooded murder — she doesn't see the point in dirtying her hands unless someone's tried to hurt her first — but she would mentally 'get away with it' so to speak because of those rules? she's able to placate her conscience over any deaths she causes by "they tried to hurt me first, it was me or them", so she's cool with that.

actual cold-blooded murder would weigh on her a little more heavily, i think; she's not a super guilty person as a rule, but that's mostly just bc she's very good at justifying her actions to herself. cold-blooded murder without someone trying to hurt her first is harder to justify.

9. do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

tbh alarice's Song is easy by son lux (feat. lorde), so the lyric i associate with her the most is "pull out your heart / to make the being alone / easy" 🙃. she doesn't seem like a particularly lonely person — she's charismatic, funny, good at making friends, and commands attention — but no one she meets rly gets to know the person she actually is and that causes its own loneliness. she keeps everyone at a distance (because that's how she's learnt u stay alive) and that's, y'know, not great.

10. what's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

hmm. there's not any huge aspects of her backstory that could change to cause an AU, but i suppose the idea of what would've happened if her and astarion had met in baldur's gate before the events of the game is interesting. there's the possibility that she'd get super fucking murdered though so idk how sustainable that AU is. unless she got turned into a spawn instead??? sdhdsjkdsjk im not sure im SOWWY.

11. what is your OC's weapon of choice? have they ever actually used it?

daggers!!!!! 2 of them, she is the queen of off-hand melee. but she's also partial to a light crossbow :) she actually uses them more than she uses any magic tbh; she's a college of swords bard, and she's been incorporating knife-throwing into her performances since she was a teenager, so she's more comfortable with weapons than she is with magic. (not that she doesn't use magic, obviously, especially since a lot of the spells she knows are trickery/illusion based so they're useful to her, but i digress).

12. is your OC self-destructive? in what ways?

ohhhh yes. her self-destructive nature tends to manifest as recklessness — whether that's taking jobs she shouldn't (cough cough) while working for the guild, or racking up huge gambling debts, or trusting a vampire spawn who has absolutely no reason not to rip her throat out, or throwing herself into battle with nothing but a song or a spell to guide her. she says that her main goal is survival, and it is, but she dislikes herself juuust enough to unconsciously fuck that up in little ways every day.

13. if you met your OC, would the two of you get along?

i mean i would probably be charmed by her but also she would steal from me and i am so broke that that would break my heart. i think tbh she would intimidate me a lot too; she's very confident in a seemingly effortless kind of way, and i'd either recognise some of myself in that — since i have it on good authority from others that i come across in a similar way — or i'd like... have a moment of "oh she is everything i want to be" and that'd mess w my head lol. i don't think she'd have any particular love for me, but that's more bc unless people can serve her or they're bound together by a tadpole in the head she doesn't really let herself appreciate the people around her.

14. how does your OC want to be seen by other characters?

strong. powerful. funny and confident and bright and right. she wants to be admired like a hero from a song, but underneath that, deep down, she really wants to be loved. the mortifying ordeal of being known really keeps her away from that though lol; she's extremely terrified of being vulnerable with anyone, so she hides a lot of herself from those around her.

15. does your OC have a faceclaim? if so, who?

she does!!! steffy argelich rly gets the vaguely chaotic look down and she has the hairrr lol. alarice's eyes are blue, which is the only difference rly.

[mlynar-nearl]

the amount of pulls you just said was insane sorry, did you just say 290 for ling/lee? and 170 for gavalter/pozy? absolutely insane that is some. wow. (can i say anything i hand mhy my wallet like it is free)

ok but yeah i can see like.... why. i mean. i love old man nearl i want him, i want him now so i can finally get started on my nearl family agenda and have to m9/mod3/maxlvl everyone in the nearl family (i love them little lovelies) and i have only done this with nearlter but blemi needs rocks and i hate rocks i hate farming 1-7 with a passion i have literally postponed farming rocks so much i have like 7??? un-e2'ed 6*s just bcs they need rocks (and also bcs they are not meta lol)

ur wallet is terrifying. anyways will u max pot the old man? i feel like u wld tbh but like complete guess.

and yeah most ppl will talk abt honkais story instead since it is pretty good, but i like the gameplay very personally, like... im a sucker for good hack-and-slash games (that i can play on mobile bcs idh a pc oop) that also dont require *that* much brain and honkai has honestly filled up that for me lol. its nice its flashy i press buttons its a win-win

but yeah before that, for the longest time, it was just arknights that stuck with me and its really obvious why bcs its a really good game (even now ofc tho sss pains me in every way possible) and i still do is2 all the time for fun even tho ive maxed out my candle level for weeks alr like hell yeah !!! i love this game!!! i burn out sometimes but i usually get back within one or two events (hence my incomplete guide ahead + the one medal missing from lingering echos + i only completed medal set for tw on the rerun) but yeah i love arknights and sometimes i wish i had more friends to yell abt it !!! watched the concert (the one with phenomenal agents and i was rly sad that i couldnt talk abt it to anyone properly)

ah once again sorry for the length, but i would love to hear what other gacha games you play as well ! personally i am a gacha game only person (my standards are a bit low sometimes) and i dont play much outside of gacha tbh. ah and of course, have a nice day !

i pretty much only pull on limited banners which is why i could put in that many for gavial and pozy without dipping into the wallet that much. ling and lee, on the other hand, THAT shit hurted my money. for my arknights pulls i basically set myself a number of rules that rely on the slight delay between CN and global that let me think out ops in advance and such. essentially, i allow myself one operator release between limited banners to actually invest in, based on how they look, their mechanics, and what i like in a character. so mlynar is my one between gavialter/pozy and omertexas/penance, simple as. GG was a previous "one." so was surtr. unfortunately this system does mean i have to skip characters that i do like- for example, i prio'ed GG over gnosis and fiammetta, who i both really enjoy as characters- because i ruled that GG has the most utility that i can take advantage of in my average playstyle and her global range is just too good at covering for my smallbrain moments. so for that reason, i normally have around 17 ten-pulls saved for each limited banner including the free ones that you get (meaning i average around 175 pulls since i throw in a few singles to make it nice and even.) ling and lee were an exception since mr lee just decided to fight me on it. to this day the only operator released on a limited banner that hasn't come home is irene and that's because i put foresight in myself and reminded myself that gavialter and pozemka would be upcoming in a much shorter gap than between ling/lee and specalter/irene, and i would regret it if i went all in for irene. the primary goal is always the operator who will be impossible to get at any other time of the year. yes i plot these things that far in advance like a general going to war. it's how i Survive . i've been doing it pretty much since i started when the limited to save up for was W.

i don't intend to pull for maxpot on mlynar for this reason. even with him sitting at my all time favorite character in the game, it doesn't fit my standard of pulling. eyes are ahead to omertexas and penance once he's home. though i do have idle plans to use any royal guard tokens i get on him. i would like him to be maxpot someday but given that i generally roll with the broad goal of collecting as many characters as possible, it's incompatible for the moment.

rn i indulge at feh and genshin at the request of my friends who do play them. i do enjoy genshin and it's a fun time killer- it's a shame the fanbase is So. i try not to indulge in gacha games unless they're recommended to me by friends, and arknights was, in fact, a rec when it was fresh enough (i think right after partial necrosis dropped because i had the frostnova lore explained to me as a hook.) i started right at the tail end of nian's banner. most of the vibeo games i play are non-gacha to avoid the hurts to my wallet that mr lee put on it. at least with arknights i can feel like i'm actually paying them for a good game PFSDLGH.....

[angel-wings-and-tattoos]

i can't stop thinking about the potential of s5 stonathan. it's a disease. this is directly inspired by the .5 second frame that steve and jonathan share in s4 bc i am actively psychotic and audibly gasped when it happened even though they literally didn't even look at each other.

when jonathan sees them for the first time, he assumes that steve and robin are a couple.

those two are practically the same person. they work on the same level and it's obvious to everyone around them that they're just meant to be together. steve and robin both know its in a platonic way, but it's hard for everyone else to look past the fact that they're a boy and a girl; how could the two of them be that close and not be dating?

robin has no idea about steve and jonathan's complicated history (surprising, i know. but steve's memory isn't what it used to be and truthfully he just assumed that he's already told her everything about his entire life, which is approximately 87% true. but jonathan happened to fall into that pesky 13%) but clocks the weird energy between the two of them immediately.

i'm just imagining jonathan lowkey cornering steve in order to talk to him. not that steve was avoiding him or anything. he just was not not avoiding him. so it takes a little while but jonathan finally gets steve to himself for more than 5 seconds and just overall asks how he's doing.

after a little small talk he asks about him and robin, very, very extremely (can't emphasize how bad it is) awkwardly. this is a man who is shitty with small talk at the very best of times talking to someone who he beat up and then kind of stole his girlfriend (jonathan stands by the fact he deserved the beating up part and would also like to point out that nancy is her own person who can't be stolen from anyone) so there's really no script to be going by here.

neither of them really know what the goal of the conversation is. jonathan just had a vague urge to talk to steve and steve didn't want to talk in the first place so, again, cannot emphasize the awkwardness of the situation. steve eventually realizes that jonathan thinks him and robin are a thing and, in a very mean girl way that only steve can pull off without sounding like an absolute asshole, bodily rolls his eyes and huffs at him that no, byers, we're just friends. capital P-Platonic.

jonathan is suddenly hit with an overwhelming reminder of steve back in high school. surprisingly, it's not in an entirely bad way, it's weirdly nice. he hasn't genuinely talked to steve in so long and it's at that exact moment that he realizes that he missed him. which is bizarre, in jonathan's opinion, because he's pretty sure you have to have more than two positive interactions with a person in order to miss them. (jonathan is also resolutely ignoring the bizarre relief he felt when steve said he wasn't dating robin).

another thing is that jonathan has the weird urge to hug steve. when the california crew got back to hawkins, jonathan had mainly been focused on nancy, which he thinks is perfectly understandable. by the time that talk was over (they had somehow managed to end the conversation while still ignoring one or two majorly important issues that their relationship might not survive talking about) steve was a dozen or so feet away, one arm still around el in a hug that never quite ended and talking to her, dustin, mike and will. jonathan had sort of vaguely waved at him and steve's returning smile and wave were genuine, but less than enthusiastic.

by the time he managed to get steve alone, it was past the time jonathan deemed as hug-appropriate. he settled for somewhat stiffly laying a hand on steve's forearm when he noticed the distinct bite marks peaking past his shirt sleeve. jonathan took it as a win when steve minorly tensed, but, more importantly, didn't brush his hand off. he assured jonathan that he was fine and that they look worse than they actually are, i'm fine, i promise.

they continue to talk for a little while, steve quickly asking about will and el (give him some credit at least, he hadn't seen jonathan in months but he still knew the man pretty well) and letting him ramble about them for a while. (neither of them acknowledge or do anything about the fact that jonathan is still holding his arm, all he would have to do for them to be holding hands would be shift his own hand 3 inches down)

the scene that robin eventually walks in on is steve and jonathan standing less than a foot apart, jonathan's hand still loosely resting on steve's arm, and them talking quietly enough that, even in the small living room, she can't make out what they're saying.

the thing is, robin has seen steve in just about every scenario there could possibly be with other people. she's seen him fake smile at customers, bitch at the kids, sweet talk the kid's parents, charm his way through dates, try to be less charming with her parents, play nice with his ex-girlfriend, play even nicer with his ex-girlfriend's parents, try and fail to not be flustered with eddie flirting with him, hell, even try to get along with her bandmates that one time. so, needless to say, there was hardly anything that steve could do to surprise her anymore.

that all flies out the window with jonathan byers, evidently. it would be more understandable if she had heard anything about jonathan from steve. she only knows what she heard and witnessed when she was in high school with the two of them, but in all of her thousands of conversations with steve, jonathan only made an appearance once or twice, and never for very long. at the time, she didn't think it was intentional, but now she's starting to reconsider.

robin clears her throat pointedly, startling the two men. they look up at her, but don't move away from each other. steve turns to look at her which coincidentally (or not, robin thinks its the exact opposite, actually) shifting him slightly closer to jonathan. robin tilts her head in the direction of the door, trusting that steve can easily follow her train of thought. they had to leave soon in order to make it back to the school to help with the make-shift relief center.

steve nods at her, his gaze sliding back to jonathan. he says something that robin still can't hear before going to clap jonathan on the shoulder. jonathan apparently decides that this isn't enough and goes straight in for a hug instead, looping his arms around steve's neck. steve is visibly surprised by the show of affection, but he immediately tucks both of his arms around jonathan's waist. robin's eyebrows go up slightly as steve practically tucks his face into jonathan's neck. (turns out, steve missed jonathan more than he anticipated. also, it's been a long time since someone hugged steve without almost dying immediately before or after so, sue him for enjoying it a little)

the hug doesn't last for very long but robin has seen enough to qualify steve for a very long talk the second that the pair leave the house.

the two men somewhat reluctantly let go of each other, jonathan letting his hands quickly trace over steve's shoulders to loosely grasp his elbows as they separate. steve gently drums his fingers against jonathan's side once, saying goodbye before turning to follow robin.

jonathan watches as the two leave the house, feeling better about the whole situation but still somewhat off-center. obviously steve didn't hate him, seemed to actively like him despite their convoluted history, but jonathan wasn't sure why that mattered to him so much. he barely even likes steve in the first place (that's a bald-faced lie, your honor) so why did he feel relieved when steve hugged him back? jonathan's subconsciousness files that right along the relief from earlier to be examined at a far later date (read: hopefully never).

-

basically i just want jonathan and steve to have a moment together, robin to clock the weird tension, and then for them to all get along forever. without dying tragically. that is probably far too much to ask but i'm nothing if not a clown who will watch and likely thoroughly enjoy s5 regardless of the chance that nancy and jonathan will probably end up staying together.

[statementlou]

what would you say to louis fans who can’t help but stress over charts and numbers and etc? like i really wish i didn’t care but it’s just so annoying seeing harry fans calling him a “flop” and making fun of his voice or w/e and then there were those awful reviews from the guardian and whynow too. i think i wouldn’t stress as much if louis hadn’t said he would love for fitf to be commercially successful bc i really really want him to have that bc he deserves it so much but i don’t think he will and that makes me really sad :(

okay well first of all, I'm sorry you're feeling stressed! That's no fun :( For starters- while Louis did let slip that sure, he wouldn't object to FITF being commercially successful (like once) he's said many, MANY more times that it is NOT his priority. He seems to have a very healthy relationship to the idea of it being a hit, like wouldn't that be a kick?! But it would be a fun extra, not the goal. When asked to define success for himself recently, he said it was to be happy with the music he's making and that he is, he's said many times in the past he defines success as being able to tour, he issued a whole manifesto letting us know that he would be pursuing something other than commercial success with this album before he even began writing it- the man knows the industry and he knew what he was choosing, and yesterday he told us yet again that he is on twitter a couple times a day and sees a lot more than people think. This last one is connected I believe; all of this talk about what kind of success he wants isn't something he's telling the GP, he's telling US, he's telling YOU. He's literally saying, chin up love, I'm good. Please stop worrying about me! Because he sees the discourse and what people say, and he is addressing it directly. So you know, who needs me when LOUIS has himself addressed the topic!

But what I would say? I would say that I think this isn't about him, it's about us. He's literally a multimillionaire living his absolute best life and *loooving it* right now, but we aren't! We're just Common People trying our best to survive a brutal and miserable world that attacks us every day with more stresses and fear, and we turn to fandom and to Louis to have something NICE, something that feels good and doesn't make us want to cry. So when that escape is full of negativity or isn't going the way we want it to it really feels like shit and hits hard. And the like ideal world answer to that problem is to go all Louis and say paradise is in your own mind, don't rely on stuff outside you for happiness because you can't control it so it may let you down at any time, but I know- that's high level goals, that's not necessarily realistic in the day to day. What you can do though is remember that the idea of being here in this fandom is that it's supposed to give you happiness and ease and relief from the outside world, and once you've remembered that it makes it easier to see how to fix where it's going wrong. UNFOLLOW EVERYONE WHO POSTS CONTENT THAT MAKES YOU FEEL STRESSED OUT! Literally. Just do it. Mean harries OMG why would you want to see that?!? Block. Bye. People making fun of his voice??!! Literally insane and definitely on the wrong side of history, laugh at them, and then block. Anyone who thinks Louis *can't* write a number one hit in his sleep is honestly stupid, he wrote dozens?? The man wrote so many he got bored of it and was like, guess I'll take on a new challenge now... (If it was by 1D and it was a banger...!) Who cares what they say? I didn't know Louis got a bad review in the Guardian! And that's fine! I don't care!! I saw that important indie music magazine NME gave him 4/5 :))) That was nice. News I can use! I come here and scroll down my dash and see everyone being happy and showing me Louis being happy and it's nice and it's fun. Unfollow everyone you don't know that posts that stuff, if you have friend blogs you feel like you can't unfollow, blacklist all their tags or their name so you don't see the negative content. Find new blogs. If you feel like you can't make the leap to actually unfollow people, try making a separate tumblr (like from a diff email) and just following no stressful blogs and try that dash for a while without changing your old follows, just see what it's like. Every time you see something that makes your stomach clench, unfollow or blacklist. See if it could work out for you.

Listen: I know everyone says this, and people are just like suuure but I can't actually do that, I need to know what's happening but I PROMISE- nothing important is actually happening with all that! On the rare occasion it's actually interesting or whatever, it'll cross over. Unstressful people will talk about it in a less stressful way, either to discourse or to make fun, and you'll find out, and you won't have missed anything. Seriously- try it. I know it *feels* like we owe it to Louis to stress about this stuff or something, like if we don't think about it we're letting him down or something but that's just anxiety thinking! It's magical thinking: if I don't reblog the good luck post something bad will happen. If I tap in a certain pattern it will protect me. If I keep on top of everything people are saying about Louis I can help him. Magical thinking is a symptom of anxiety disorders, and no shame in that who doesn't have fucking anxiety these days, but it also FEEDS them, and the last thing we all need is more anxiety. Care for yourself by giving yourself the gift of an easy and pleasurable online experience! I want that for you and so would Louis.

[nevermindirah]

Do you have any thoughts on the use of AAVE for Nile (or lack thereof) in TOG fanfiction? I've been reading some Book of Nile fic and some writers seem to write her as a Millennial™ (using words like "fave" and "woke") but never acknowledge her Blackness in her patterns of speech. I know we don't see her use as much AAVE in the films, but I would argue she's in situations where code-switching would be valued (first in a "professional" environment in the army, then around a group of non-Black strangers).

Hi anon! I have many thoughts on this and I'm honored you asked me! But I should start by saying I'm white and any thoughts Black fans and especially Black American fans have on this that they want to share would be beyond lovely. (I'm not gonna tag anybody bc that feels rude but please add onto this post if any of y'all see this and want to!)

The main reason I personally avoid AAVE for Nile in my own fics is because I'm not Black. But Nile-centric fics by Black writers tend to avoid using much of it too, at least from what I've noticed/understood, and my guess is it's largely for the reason you mention, that she's in situations that encourage code-switching.

In movie canon Nile is highly competent at tailoring her language to each situation she finds herself in. This fantastic linguistics analysis meta shows how skillfully Nile chooses her vocabulary and grammar to meet her goals with different conversation partners in different contexts. In comics canon Nile had a bunch of different civilian jobs before joining the Marines, so she would've had experience code-switching in the ways that made sense for all those different contexts as well as the Marines and her family and high school and wherever else she spent her time before we met her. And now she's spending her time with a handful of immortals none of whom are native English speakers and a fellow Black American but one with a Queen's English UK accent whose professional experience is in the CIA where high-status code-switching is often an absolute must for success or even survival.

Fics featuring Nile are charged with extrapolating from that to how it might show up in her use of language that she's coping with a traumatic separation from her family and her career and pretty much everything she's ever known and now she needs to be able to make herself understood to people who seem to care about her and each other but are super duper in crisis, three (soon to be four) of whom predate Modern English entirely and the only one who's anywhere near her contemporary she's not supposed to talk to for a century. All of these people are telling her that pretty much any contact with any mortals poses an existential threat to her and the rest of the group. How the FUCK is she supposed to cope with that, like, generally? And would it be a more effective way for her to cope if she talked to Andy Joe and Nicky using the speech patterns that she used to use with her mom and brother, to at least retain that part of her identity even if it means having to do a lot of explaining, or would it meet her needs better to prioritize Andy Joe and Nicky understanding what she means with her words over using the particular words and grammar forms she used with her family?

I've seen several fics, both Nile-centric / BoN and otherwise, explore this a little bit in how/whether Nile uses Millennial™ speak. It's often a theme in Nile texting Booker despite the exile because of the popular headcanon that he as The Tech Guy is the only other immortal who understands memes. But Nile's much-younger-than-Booker mom probably uses Boomer and/or Gen X memes and Andy has been adapting to new communication styles for forever as evidenced by her canon high level of fluency with standard-American-accented English.

Which brings us back to people avoiding AAVE because they're not Black and they don't want to make mistakes (or they're not Black and they don't want to get yelled at for making mistakes, though I think many people overestimate how much they'll get yelled at while underestimating how much these mistakes can hurt). I can imagine some Black fans hold back from using much AAVE in fic because they don't want to share in-group stuff with white people who are likely to then adopt and ruin it, as white people so often do with Black cultural stuff. Some links about this including a great Khadija Mbowe video. I'm saying this gently, anon, because you might not know: woke, an example you cited as Millennial™ speak, is AAVE, and that's gotten erased by so many white people appropriating it and using it incorrectly online.

And also there's the part where fandom is a hobby and you never know when you're reading a fic that's the very first thing someone's ever written outside of a school assignment. This cultural considerations of language shit takes a level of effort and skill that not everybody puts into every fic, or even could if they wanted to because they haven't had time to build their skills yet. It's definitely easier for non-Black fans to project our millennial feels onto Nile than to do the layers of research and self-reflection it requires to depict what Blackness might mean to Nile, and it's not surprising that often people sharing their hobby creations on the internet have gone the easier route. There's not even necessarily shame in doing what's easier. It's just frustrating and often hurtful when structural white supremacy means that 3-dimensional Black characters are rare in media and thoughtful explorations of them in fandom are seen by the majority of fans as not-easy to make and therefore Nile Freeman, the main character in The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood, has the least fic and meta and art made about her of our 5 main immortals.

I've been active in different fandoms off and on for twenty years and I barely managed to write 5,000 words about Sam Wilson across multiple different fics in the 7 years since I fell in love with him. There's an alchemy to which characters we connect with, and on top of that which characters we connect with in a way that causes us to create stuff about them. Something about Nile Freeman finally tipped me over the edge from a voracious reader to a voracious writer. It's not for me to judge which characters speak to other individuals to the level of creating content about them, but I do think it's important for us to notice, and then work to fight, the pattern where across this fandom as a whole Nile gets way less content, and way less depth in so much of the content that's in theory about her, than any of these other characters.

Anyway, back to language. My two long fics feature Nile with several Black friends — Copley and OCs and cameos from other media — but all of those characters except Alec Hardison from Leverage aren't American. It's very possible I'm guilty of stereotyping Black British speech patterns in I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore. I watched hours and hours of Black haircare YouTube videos in the research for that fic and I modeled my OCs' speech patterns on what I heard from some of those YouTubers as well as what I've heard people like John Boyega and Idris Elba saying in interviews, but the thing about doing your best is you still might fuck up.

I'm slowly making progress on my WIP where Nile and Sam Wilson are cousins, and what ways of talking with a family member might be authentic for Nile is a major question I need to figure out. For that, I'm largely modeling my writing choices on how I hear my Black friends and colleagues talking to each other. I haven't overheard colleagues talking in an office in a long-ass time, but back when that was a thing, I remember seeing a ton of nuance in the different ways many of my Black colleagues would talk to each other. Different people have different personalities! And backgrounds! And priorities! A few jobs ago my department was about 1/3 Black and we worked closely with Obama administration staff many of whom were Black and there was SO MUCH VARIETY in how Black people talked to each other, about work and workplace-appropriate personal stuff, where I and other white coworkers could hear. There are a few work friends in particular who I have in my head when I'm trying to imagine how Sam and Nile might talk to each other. From the outside looking in, God DAMN is shit complicated, intellectually and interpersonally and spiritually, for Black people who are devoting their professional lives to public service in the United States.

One more aspect of this that I have big thoughts on but I need to take extra care in talking about is the idea of acknowledging Nile's Blackness in her patterns of speech. There's no one right way to be Black, and Nile's a fictional character created by a white dude but there are plenty of real-life Black Americans who don't use much or even any AAVE, for reasons that are complicated because of white supremacy. (Highly highly recommend this video by Shanspeare on the harms of the Oreo stereotype.)

Something that's not the same but has enough similarity that I think it's worth talking about is my personal experience with authenticity and American Jewish speech patterns. My Jewish family members don't talk like they're in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and I've known lots of people who do talk that way (or the millennial version of it), some of whom have questioned my Jewishness because I don't talk that way. That hurts me. Sometimes when another Jew tells me some shit like "I've never heard a Jew say y'all'd've," I can respond with "well now you have asshole, bless your Yankee-ass heart," because the myth of Dixie is a racist lie but I will totally call white Northerners Yankees when they're being shitty to me for being Southern, and this particular Jew fucking revels in using "bless your heart" with maximum polite aggression, especially with said Yankees. But sometimes I don't have it in me to say anything and it just quietly hurts having an important part of me disbelieved by someone who shares that important part of me. The sting isn't quite the same when non-Jews disbelieve or discount my Jewishness, but that hurts too.

Who counts as authentically Jewish is a messy in-group conversation and it doesn't really make sense to explain it all here. Who counts as authentically Jewish is a matter of legal status for immigration, citizenship, and civil rights in Israel, and it's my number 2 reason after horrific treatment of Palestinians that I'm antizionist. But outside that extremely high-stakes legal situation, it can just feel really shitty to not be recognized as One Of Us, especially by your own people.

It can also feel really shitty to be The Only One of Your Kind in a group, even if that group is an immortal chosen family who all loves each other dearly. Sometimes especially in a situation like that where you know those people love you but there are certain things they don't get about you and will never quite be able to. I'm definitely projecting at least a little bit of my "lonely Jew who will be alone again for yet another Jewish holiday" stuff onto Nile when at the end of I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore she's thinking about being the only Black immortal and moving away from the community she'd built with a mostly-Black group of mortals in that fic. Maybe that tracks, or maybe that's fucked up of me.

Basically, this got very long but it's complicated, writing about experiences that aren't your own takes skill which in turn takes time and practice to build, writing about experiences not your own that our society maligns can cause a lot of harm if done badly, it can also cause a lot of harm when a large enough portion of a fandom just decides to nope out of something that's difficult and risky because then there's just not much content about a character who deserves just a shit ton of loving and nuanced content, people are individuals and two people who come from the exact same cultural context might show that influence in all kinds of different ways, identity is complicated, language is complicated, writing is hard, and empathy and humility and doing our best aren't a guarantee of avoiding harm but they do go a long way in helping people create thoughtful content about a character as awesome and powerful and kind and messy and scared and curious and WORTHY as Nile Freeman.

[daisymylove]

I'm laughing and low key in awe at how differently we see things (in a good way!)

I don't see Cordelia in Lin at all, I wouldn't say she is shy either. The public dance may have been a similarity (which totally slipped my mind btw) but even that I interpreted as an act of open defiance to Conor, his power over her and Castellane's ruling class as an institution. Lin actually reminds me of Clary looks and personality-wise. This short, freckled, green-eyed redhead with a fiery temper who does not mince her words, has prophetic dreams, can be absolutely feral, is ready to raise hell for what she thinks is right and stops at nothing to get what she wants. Even their main support system is similar, a single motherly figure and a lifelong best friend from childhood

I don't think Lin is half sheltered as Cordelia, either.Sure, she grew up in a Patriarcal and restrictive environment and as a girl of traditional upbringing in this setting she is somewhat inexperienced, but she is a physician, the naked male body doesn't faze her in the least and she is not only used to walking through castellane by herself, but also well acquainted with it's lower class.Cordelia's upbringing may have been somewhat secluded, but she was educated as a proper lady and was expected to eventually join polite society.This couldn't be farthest from Lin's reality, the way she talks to conor is further proof of how she doesn't know the first thing about decorum I'm a sucker for them.

As I said, I see a bit of grace in Antonetta, but it's mostly the character's general idea. Dainty, blonde girl with a sharp wit who most people underestimate and uses that to her advantage. Tatiana may be overbearing and insane, but I don't think marriage was ever her end goal for Grace, so much so that an engagement was Grace's escape plan from Tatiana's clutches. The mother who wanted her daughter to make an advantageous match and is equally overbearing, tho obviously not as abusive, is sona. I see a lot of Cordelia on Antonetta.

A more sheltered and reserved girl with a love for swordplay (tho in antonetta's case it has to be kept a secret) who doesn't have much agency over her own life, who initially doesn't get to choose her own clothes,is being pressured to get married, but is still determined to forge her own path and subtly angles for political power in a male dominated setting, using whatever connections she may have.And she is oh so in love with her dreamy, honourable, somewhat unpredictable, black-haired, former childhood friend, who now she thinks is beyond her reach and doesn't return her feelings.

I honestly don't see James and Matthew specifically in Kel and Conor. The "two young men bonded together, closer than brothers, one being more erratic while the other is more centered,but with relationship issues due to miscommunication " trope is a staple at this point. Let us not forget that Jem literally slapped an inebriated will once and was used to curbing his behaviour on the daily.

Matthew may be theoretically of a somewhat higher rank than James (and well, everyone) due to Charlottes position but that is not brought up enough in Tlh to be relevant in their relationship. Especially bc Will is also a ridiculously powerful man and the herondales are an equally aristocratic family.I think we all tend to overlook that bc he is our silly bunny, but the head of the London institute during the Victorian era was probably the most powerful person in office after consul and inquisitor.He would have to be, to make everyone suck up his warlock wife with a stiff lip.And well Matthew is somewhat peacock ish, but overall Conor reminds me more of Cardan than him in terms of behaviour and presentation.

I'm happy that Lin will not actually be a wedge between them, neither Kel nor her seemed particularly interested on each other after the kiss and both boys have different and apparently defined love interests. I don't think I would survive another tlh love triangle and I hope it doesn't come to that

I don't see your opinions as hate at all, it's possible to deeply enjoy something and still make a critical analysis.I also would enjoy if she diversified her character tropes a little more, but I still think there is a market-related reason for that.Julian and Emma differ from the usual mould and look how well that went

I read your opinions about swordcatcher and I was curious about what you consider to be the light borrowing of tlh.

I see bits and pieces of both Grace and Cordelia on Antonetta (good god how I hate this name, I know it's a real name but it doesn't sound like one, why couldn't it be antonella? Idc it rhymes with salmonella, it still sounds more legit), and lady alleyne is sona and Tatiana's love child.There is also the matter of marakand being their equivalent of Persia and Conor and Kel (allegedly) being half Persian, but if I'm being honest I see this more as Cc having the opportunity to express her love for Iran than with tlh specifically. Cordelia and Alastair were white and French originally, after all. Besides that tho none of what I like to call "elements of a cc book" present in sw are really a prerogative of tlh.

I would even argue that it was a smart move on cc's part to bring them on this new universe.As much as she may want to cement herself as name on adult high fantasy, she's not starting from scratch and it is to her advantage to endear her enormous fan base, many of whom grew up with her books and now are adults themselves, to this new world by bringing familiar elements into it.

I would also argue that she repeats them not out of a lack of creativity, this rich new worldbuilding is proof that she has that to spare, but rather bc at this point she knows her public and what appeals to them.It may be controversial, but I think Tda is her least liked series precisely bc it lacks some of those tropes and subverts others

When I said “light borrowing”, I actually was just trying to be sarcastic in my original review, but I would now rather say that Cassie very heavily borrowed from not just TLH but the other TSC books. And Kel and Conor allegedly being half-Persian is the last thing that even crossed my mind when I thought of this.

Lin is so very much Cordelia personality-wise in my opinion. Shy girl looking for a sense of empowerment and independence in a male-dominated place. Dips her toes into high society/court and recoils from it. Does a public sexy dance as a means of embracing her sexuality and femininity even though the sensual element from her personality is very much repressed in the name of female propriety in regular daily life. Red hair. Fairly oblivious. Quite sheltered frpm society’s depravity.

I would also argue that Kel and Conor’s relationship is just James and Matthew’s relationship but on opioids laced with fentanyl. We have the more serious, obvious, trusting main character and his hedonistic, secretive, higher ranking best friend who is absolutely keeping things from him and vice-versa. Kel is the ground to Conor’s sky and whatnot. They love each other but miscommunication and, gasp, a girl is driving a wedge between them. Kel regularly has to slap sense into an inebriated, flirtatious Conor who can’t get his priorities straight. Sounds a little familiar!

Antonetta is very much aligned with Grace’s character as well. Pretty, dainty, blonde character who knows way more than she lets on to people and with an overbearing mother who has spent her life grooming Antonetta for high society and entrapping powerful men into marriage with her. Of course the simple boy at court (Kel) is obsessed with her.

I have a few more minor examples, but all in all I think I’d take the opposite view of yours in that Cassie gives 110% to worldbuilding and story arcs and layered plot and as a result, she uses up a lot of her energy and spark and focus when it comes to fleshing out her protagonists. Don’t take this post as hate towards Sword Catcher or anything - I loved it. I gave it four stars, and I didn’t minus any stars whatsoever because of the Cassie-isms I detected. But I think she needs to diversify a little more when it comes to character development, that’s all!

[o-wyrmlight]

Thoughts on redemption for DE herself? I disagree with ppl who want her redeemed just bc of a sad backstory. She was born evil destroying the lives of her closest friends +her past self was just as selfish and manipulative. Sorta sympathetic cause but unjustifiable means. Doesn’t look like Devsis intends on redeeming despite pity/apologists she gets.

Honestly I just. Don't get Dark Enchantress Cookie at all. You find out that cookies are made to be eaten, witness Witches eating your fellow people, get cruelly dipped in batter and rebaked into having a midlife crisis and become an immensely powerful sorcerer as a result--and your second instinct is to pretty much destroy Earthbread or something? Start a war against your fellow cookies? Completely ruin countless families' lives because of this... This truth that you've learned?

I just don't get that. I don't get that at all. That seems like such a weird leap in logic that doesn't make much sense to me, and I have no idea how she came to the conclusion that this was her calling. Either there's something more that Devsis isn't yet telling us, or her character needs serious re-evaluation, because there's something so... weird about that whole thing.

And sure, you can argue that she's doing this because she knows that her fellow friends wouldn't believe her and that maybe no one will--but is that really enough to start a whole fucking war over it? Really?

I very strongly headcanon that this 'Truth' that Pure Vanilla found at the end of the Sugar Free Road was that cookies were made by witches to be eaten, and I very much like the idea that he takes that knowledge and decides 'Well, we're alive, and we've survived. We can make something beautiful out of it in spite of that.' I also think that he knows that telling the vast majority of cookies this Truth would start something absolutely terrible, so he keeps it to himself.

Frankly, what I want is to first know why it is that Dark Enchantress is so adamant about cookie war. Why is she so confident that the only way to proceed is by leading her followers to make other cookies suffer? Why do her followers believe her motives when it's so... So out-of-place and wrong?

I kind of like White Lily as a character. Yes, she is manipulative, and definitely a little too dedicated to finding out how to bake the perfect cookie. And yes, that did lead her to almost fuck up the entirety of the magic school she and Pure Vanilla attended in their youth. But she did so because she wanted to figure out how to stop cookies from crumbling so easily, especially so young, and that's a fairly noble goal in and of itself.

What makes her interesting are these flaws, in my opinion. She's a cookie whose want to do good left her down a broken and crooked path, and the tragedy is in seeing her progress down a road that she can never come back from.

Meanwhile Dark Enchantress Cookie is like a total 180 from that too-sympathetic character. She's turned from a cookie who was so shaken up when the Academy was being destroyed by Dark Moon Magic into a cookie who would do just the same thing and show no remorse. Why, though? If she values the lives of cookies so much and is so angry for the truth of how they were made, why is she waging ear against cookies rather than the witches that made them? It just seems so strange to me.

I'm repeating myself, but I can honestly say that I don't know. I don't know what Devsis plans on doing with her, and if they do plan on redeeming her, I don't know how they'd go about doing it. Her motivations are just so skewed. I don't even know if I'd want to go about redeeming her or even how I would in my comic because her character just makes no sense to me. I can't think of any way that she could be redeemed in a way that'd offer a satisfying amount of closure, but I also can't imagine that she'd be killed off at the end of the game, you know?

Just a really weird character, I guess. Weird villain. Weird motives.

[awindylife-writes]

Voyage of the Damned Part 2

Relationships: the Doctor x reader, Astrid x reader (platonic), Astrid x Doctor (platonic)

Summary: Voyage of the Damned rewrite. The Doctor and you find yourselves on the Titanic, space edition. You meet Astrid and get ready for a wonderful day, but then a meteor shower hits the ship and it starts falling towards Earth.

Author's notes: There was a number of things l didn't like about this Christmas special so again, l rewrote it.

Warnings: a ship crashes, multiple mentions of dearth bc a lot of people die

"Oi, Steward! I'm telling you, the shields are down!" a new man yelled.

"LISTEN TO HIM! LISTEN TO HIM!" the Doctor desparately screamed in the Steward's face. The two crewmen let him go and you didn't know it, but it was too late.

A moment later the ship started rocking like it was being torn apart, because it was. You lost your footing and fell back as everything turned sideways.

"Y/N!!!!" you heard the Doctor's terrified scream through the noise of the ship's destruction and the cries of other passengers. You couldn't even get a good look at where he was before something in the walls exploded and you threw yourself away.

You found Astrid near you and thank god for that. "I've got you!" you yelled over the noise and gripped her tight as you tried to shield her from the hell around you.

Then there were arms around you too, holding you up and protecting you. You knew those arms.

The Doctor had found you and the three of you clung to each other in that madness. You could feel each shudder of the ship like a wave of an earthquake. You tried to keep yourself steady and upright but you were the snow in a snowglobe someone was shaking. Balance was a mith and everything was being ripped apart. Various pieces of equipment were falling on all sides, there was fire burning all around you; you could feel its heat on your skin and you breathed its smoke. You felt sick from being thrown around but you were too terrified to hurl.

You couldn't close your eyes even though you wanted to. Everything in you was screaming to watch out for danger, but there was so much of it around you you didn't know where to look. You stared at disaster over Astrid's shoulder and the Doctor's arm. Shadow and light mixed into a disorienting mess and the shades the fire threw joined the dance. You coudn't distinguish what was near and what was far but you still looked.

The only thing you could do was clutch Astrid and the Doctor with all the strength you possessed and wish they wouldn't be harmed.

Finally you were thrown to the side in one last bang and then it stopped. You were lying on the floor and partly on the Doctor. He was on his back, still holding you and Astrid.

After a breath he let go, then stood up and swiftly looked around. You sat up, thankful you were still in one piece. You let go of Astrid enough to check her over and relief washed over you when you found out she was unharmed. You were about to yell if everyone was okay but the Doctor sushed you. After a moment of absolute silence he quetly declared, "It's stopping."

He then looked down at you in worry and offered you a hand. "You alright?"

As you quietly nodded, he looked over at your friend. "Astrid?"

She nodded too and took the hand he'd offered her. He pulled both of you to your feet.

"Bad name for a ship," he told you, scowling. "Either that, or this suit is really unlucky."

"We'll get you a new one and then we'll test that theory," you smiled weakly at him.

He looked at you, grateful, and then you heard Astrid suck in a breath.

The three of you looked down at the unlucky officer who was on the ground close to you. The Doctor kneeled to check him over. You saw him shake his head at the Steward and your stomack turned to stone.

~

The Steward was dead now too. You looked out the door with the Doctor, at the wreckage and the distant Earth. Still beautiful, you thought to yourself. You were a bit dazed, nothing felt real and everything was too real at the same time.

You knew you never wanted to feel so powerless again, but you also knew that drive was in you still. You would help where you could.

You gathered yourself and asked, "What happened?"

"How come the shields were down?" Astrid demanded a second later. You jumped, you hadn't noticed her there. She smiled gently at you, blue eyes kind, and caressed your shoulder. You managed a small, grateful smile in return.

"I don't think it was an accident," the Doctor growled. You figured that.

"How many dead?" Astrid and you asked in one voice, both looking at the Steward's body out in space. She was indignant though, while you were simply sad.

"We're alive," the Doctor answered her and then looked at you. "Focus on that," he told you gently. He knew what people being hurt did to you.

"I'll get you out of here," his voice was soft but firm. Then he turned to Astrid and you followed his eyes. She was trembling, still looking out at the result of the hell you all had endured. You took her hand into yours and squeezed it.

"I will get you both out of here," the Doctor assured her. "Astrid, l promise. Look at me." He held her shoulders and when she found his eyes, he assured her again, "I promise."

You were glad, because when the Doctor promised something, it happened. You needed her to live. Even if she'd want nothing to do with you after this, you needed her to live. Even if she had been anyone else, you would have done your damnest to ensure she survived, but Astrid was extraordinary. To think about the universe without her?

No. No.

After she nodded shakily, he concluded, "Good," and turned around. He went on about reception but you tuned him out. Instead, you looked Astrid in the eye and then pulled her closer. She gratefully accepted the hug.

"You heard what the Doctor said and l'll say it too. I promise we'll get you out of here." You squeezed her shoulder in emphasis.

She breathed deeply and slowly let go. Then she smiled and her bright eyes crincled. "Thank you," she told you gratefully. You nodded and swung your still joined hands.

"You know, l met you about two hours ago, but now l think l've known you for years," she said in wonder.

"Yeah?" you asked her and she nodded, still smiling. "I feel that way too," you told her, giddy in this moment. You both grinned at each other.

"Oh," the Doctor's sad voice cut through.

You whirled around. "What is it what's wrong?"

"That's the TARDIS over there," he told you and you desparately searched for the blue box with your eyes. He was right, it was spinning in zero gravity, so close but still out of your reach.

"What is that?" Astrid asked in confusion.

"It's our ship," you told her, throat tight. "It's our home."

"And it's programmed to lock onto the nearest centre of gravity, and that would be the Earth."

~

You took care of the other passengers with Astrid as the Doctor talked to the bridge. You overheard enough to know the picture.

"Are we going to die?" Foon asked and everything started going downhill.

The Doctor sushed the frightened passengers. "First things first," he began in a determined voice. "One, we're gonna climb through this ship. B, no, two, we're gonna reach the bridge. Three, or c, we're gonna save the Titanic. And, coming in a very low four, or d, or that little iv in brackets they use in footnotes, follow me."

Good, that was good, you thought to yourself. Always good to establish a goal.

"Hang on a minute." The fricking billionare decided to show he's an ass. "Who put you in charge?" he demanded. "And who the hell are you anyway."

"I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord." Sparks flew behind him and he was suddenly bigger than everyone in the hall.

"I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Casterbourus." You were grinning like mad. You could almost hear magestic music playing.

"I'm nine hundred and three years old, and l'm the man who's gonna save your lives and all six billion people on the planet below. And she's gonna help," he interjected, looking at you. "Have you got a problem with that?" he asked the billionare.

"No," the man admitted, baffled.

The Doctor turned to you. "In that case..."

"Allons-y," you said for him with a smile and started walking. You turned back, grinning at the group as the Doctor fell into step with you. You found Astrid with your eyes and nodded your head for her to join you.

~

"This whole thing could come crashing down any minute!" the billionare whined as he helped you clear the staircase of debris.

"Oh, Brixton, did you get that message?" you asked him sweetly.

He frowned in confusion. "No, what message?"

"Shut up," you told him, not covering up your annoyance.

Then you heard from above, "Bannacafalata, made it!"

You climbed up behind Astrid. You weren't about to leave her alone on this bloody ship.

~

Foon's screams echoed in the chasm. Death, death, all around you death, whywhywhywhy WHY?!?!

~

"Alright, when it's ready, that blue light comes on there," the Doctor pointed at the spot on the battery Bannacafalata had given you. Another person you hadn't been able to save.

Astrid frowned. "You're talking as if you two aren't coming with us."

"There's something down on deck thirty-one," you told her, "and we're gonna find out what it is."

"But what if you meet a Host?" She was worried about you and the thought melted your heart.

"Well, then we'll just..." The Doctor wiggled his eyebrows at you, smiling, "have some fun."

"Sounds like you two do this kinda thing all the time," Astrid added nonchalantly.

"Not by choice," you assured her, voice soft.

"Yeah, all we do is travel," the Doctor pitched in.

"Imagine it," you told her, suddenly wishing with all your heart you were out there, with her in the stars. "No stakes, no bills, no boss. Just the open sky." The wonder you felt when you thought about all you've seen seeped into your voice. There was all that space out there, so much room to wonder, so many skies to see.

"I'm sort of, uh, unemployed? Um, now," she answered as you looked at her expectantly. "I was thinking that blue box is, kinda small," she raised her eyebrows, "but l could... squeeze in? Like a stowaway!" Her eyes were so full of hope and your heart was bursting.

"It's not always safe," the Doctor's voice cut through the feeling. And you remembered. You remembered Foon and Morvin and Bannacafalata. How could you have forgotten???

"So you two need someone to take care of you," she protested. "I've got no one back on Stoe, no family. Just... me." She looked at you, blue eyes pleading. "So what do you think? Can l come with you?"

The Doctor smiled and looked at you. You were already grinning and nodding at Astrid, so incredibly happy. It was decided. "Yeah, we'd like that," the Doctor answered while you nodded on enthusiastically.

Her lips stretched into a wide grin and you pulled her close. You hugged her tightly, with a bright future ahead of you.

And then all three of you fell to the ground as the room shook.

~

"All charged up!" the Doctor yelled as the blue light came on. You all hurried back to the two waiting men. "Mister Copper, look after her; Astrid, look after him." He pointed at them. "Brixton, um..." he trailed off at a loss for words. "Look after yourself," he finally finished.

"We'll see you again," you reassured Astrid. "I promise." You steadily held her gaze so she knew you meant it.

And then you were off, running to the door on the other side of the hall.

"Hold on!" she called after you. "There's an old tradition on Stoe!"

"We've really got to go," the Doctor told her and you swatted his arm.

"Just wait a minute!" she yelled as she ran up to you.

She stopped in front of you, cradled your face and deftly kissed your cheek. "You'll get the other when you come back," she told you, smiling, then turned to the Doctor and did the same.

"See you later!" she called after you when you turned to leave.

"Not if l see you first!" you told her over your shoulder, a huge grin splitting your face.

"What she said," the Doctor joined in.

After seeing Astrid smile in turn, you were gone.

[awigglycultist]

Okay hatchetfield zombie apocalypse au bc why not ("but tgwdlm is a zombie apocalypse" shh no that's an alien musical apotheosis and also this is won't be the exact same as tgwdlm)

This ended up being way longer than I thought it would and also kinda ramblely (is that a word??) oops. So read the rest under the cut

Okay this takes place in 2019

Emma and Paul are together, emam ofc suggests they going to her cooky reclusive biology professor

This isn't the apocalypse Henry excepted and he doesn't like that, but hey he still prepped for an apocalypse so he's safe

Since this isn't a musical apocalypse and it'd probably be pretty hard to get money off of someone during a zombie apocalypse, so he's currently not trying to murder anyone

He let's Emma and Paul stay with him

But then Emma is like "hey you have room do you think my nephew, brother in law and his gf could stay with us? The gf's a nurse she could be helpful!!"

He eventually agrees

Then Paul's like "hey my coworkers are kid dumb asses there's know way they're surviving an apocalypse on their own can they stay with us? And also one of them has daughter and the other has a little brother (cough cough HCB) them too?"

And then Hidgens ends up agreeing to that, and then Alice and HCB are ofc both like "wait hold on our friends-" (ie: Deb, Ziggs, Grace Chasity (this would be HCB's friends not Alice's ofc), Cineplex kid (because I said so) Ethan (also Tony, my beloved) Lex and Hannah (once again, because I said so, do we seem them interact? No, but they're friends now)

And Hidgens at this point is like "well fucking fine I guess so! Bring em here we have a bunch of ppl already so why not!!"

All of these people, living under one roof (albeit a very big roof) is ofc chaos!

I'd imagine ppl kinda stay in groups a bit tho. Like the teens stay with each other for the most part. CCRP gang hangs out together most. Ect.

Still, very chaotic. The teens (really mostly Deb, Ethan and Lex) causing plenty of trouble. The adults all being dumb asses. Plenty of arguments between Bill and Ted ofc. And probably several arguments between the nerdy prudes (grace, hcb and cineplex) and the other teens. Probably one fight between Alice and Ziggs but it gets settled quickly and they figure everything out and clear the air and become good friends.

I mean you think this amount of ppl, particularly this certain group of ppl, are going to be well organized durning the apocalypse? Hell no!

Hidgens is the only one that actually understands shit about apocalypse, he's the one who prepared! (once again: although for the wrong one) so he's constantly having to be like "no we can't do that that's dangerous!!" Emma, Alice and Lex are the only other really competent ones.

Hidgens ofc spends his time trying to find a cure, Emma helps him. If life ever goes back to normal she has an automatic A in his class for the rest of college just for going through this shit and helping him.

Tom, Bill, and Tony are the dads. They're obviously dealing with the kids. But the do mainly try and focus on their own kid because... That their kid ofc they care about them the most. But they try to take care of the other kids too.

Bill has a rough time connecting with anyone besides Alice. But Grace was always nice to him church so there's that. And ofc Alice has gf, a gf he doesn't like a ton but now he's very much stuck with so he might as well try and get along with. They eventually do.

Tom ofc like I said cares most about Tim. But after him the next he cares most about are CaliforMIA gang. Lex and Ethan were his students (I know it's not confirmed that Ethan was one of students but he is now bc I want him to be), probably his favorite students, and that Lex's little sister who's only a few years older than Tim, ofc he's also gonna care a lot about them.

Tony also cares alot about Lex and Hannah, that's his son's gf and her little sister, once again, ofc he'll care about them alot too.

Becky absolutely cares about all the kids a ton!! She's a nurse who works with kids, she's very nurturing and mother like. She cares for and about them all fairly equally but Tim is her favorite because... Well that's her bf's son and she's known him the longest out of any of the kids ofc. Lex and Hannah end up loving Becky alot because she's so much kinder and sweet than their biological mother.

Before the apocalypse Ted took care of HCB, now he's still taking care of him ofc. Ted doesn't want to be taking care of any of the kids besides his brother. He wants to drink and party and stuff. I mean it's the apocalypse so why not? But he ends up taking care of Grace and Cineplex quite a bit too. This happens not bc others aren't taking care of them, they are being taken by the other plenty well (like I said the dads and Becky all care for all the kids they just have favorites) but because they see HCB going to Ted for almost everything and Ted doing stuff for/helping out HCB so they're like "well okay guess we'll go to him too" He's not happy about it. He already has to deal with his obnoxious little nerdy prude bother and now there's two more? But part of them reminds him a lot of himself when he was younger. Maybe that's why he doesn't like them, or also maybe that's why secretly likes them a ton?

Hidgens, Emma, Ted, Tom and Lex are the ones that go out most often because they're the only who are really able to fight off the zombies and stay safe a stuff (okay Ted not so much as the others but they bring him anwyay cause Henry's like "he looks like he can use gun or something" and Emma, Paul, Bill and Charlotte are all like "this is a horrible idea don't bring him" but they do anwyay. He doesn't kill any of the others so hey why not keep bringing him? Besides if something goes wrong they can use him as bait or throw him to the zombies to get them off the rest of the group /hj)

Other ppl in Hatchetfield exist of course and are out they're trying to survive. Sam and Pamela are some of the first to die that's karma bitch

Lex and Hannah were living with Pamela ofc when the apocalypse hit, the girls wanted to go somewhere safer but Pam wouldn't let them, then one day she went out and got turned into a Zombie, the girls quickly took that as their chance to escape and they went to Tony and Ethan and then ofc ended up at Hidgens'

Charlotte was with Sam before he turned into a Zombie and then when he did she ran to Ted & HCB and stayed with them before they ended up at Hidgens'

Gary and MIAH are together and trying to survive on they're own. Sylvia, Melissa, and Greenpeace Girl end up meeting each other and decide to gang up together and they're badasses. Dan and Donna are two focused on the news and finding out if Peanuts is surving (which yes, Peanuts, (as well as Papa Ed.. At least for a while) are doing fine) and they die pretty quickly. Holloway and Duke are doing great, Holloway's a witch so yeah she's good and ofc Duke is with her so he's good too.

Lucy is in Hatchetfield and she's already in the woods vibing with Chumby before the apocalypse hits (THAM doesn't happen in this universe and instead Lucy ends up finding Chumby own her own because uh??? Reasons??? Idk bc I said so) the two of them have no idea there's a zombie apocalypse. The Paul clones take this apocalypse as they're chance to escape, Paul23 leading the uprising ofc, they don't kill Paul and take his place tho, instead it's more like "there's a zombie apocalypse? Oh fuck yeah!" *escapes* "oh theres a zombie apocalypse oh no-" some try to stay in a group and live together, some try to go out their own. There's now a bunch of random Pauls and Paul zombies around town. The main gang do end up seeing the clones and they're all just kind like "uhhh wtf???" except Paul, he's absolutely freaking out, the clones kinda are just "uhh haha how do we explain this".

Spoiler alert: the world isn't destroyed. How? Not totally sure yet but probably through Hidgens managing to find a cure and time travel. Emdriod has traveled back in time to replace Emma, but oopsie she didn't travel back far enough so she can't kill Emma in Guatemala, so she goes to Hatchetfield in hopes she can kill Emma when no ones looking and just replace her then, but oh no there's apocalypse so thats a much bigger issue. She survives easily, she's strong af, doesn't need food, all that jazz. She and Emma do meet each other and it's another "wtf?" "how do I explain this?" situation. But Emdriod lies ofc and kinda explains what happened but said that she accidentally time travelled and leaves out the whole wanted to kill her part. Now the Emdriod has found Emma she does try to kill her, that's awfully hard to do tho considering Emma is literally always with a group of people, and Emdriod doesn't want to just kill Emma right in front of everyone bc then they'll all hate her and her goal isn't to just kill Emma it's too replace her. She end up giving up and she runs into Paul 23 and they bond of my doubles of someone and wanted to kill that somoen at first and then fall in love and kill zombies together :)

Ohh uhh other ships: Paulkins, Lexthan, Barneston, Potseed (Alice x Deb) ofc. Charted, Obnoxious Teens (HCB x Cineplex Kid) oh and ofc Holloduke. Uhh Bill x being okay for once, Ted x probably not dying for once (not too sure about that one yet) Hidgens x not actually trying to murder someone for once

Wait wait I just got idea: the zombie apocalypse occurs BECAUSE of Hidgens, he tries too bring back the working boys (remember his original backstory with accidentally killing them and stuff??)

Okay I think that's all I got for now

[koushisatori]

Surprise

kuroo x f!reader

genre: birthday fluff

warnings: none

word count: 2.3k

note: I made it !! Happy Birthday to you, Kuroo ! <3 - Also I’ll beta it later when i’m home from university, bc it’s 3 am here, oops x.x

Kuroo wasn’t jealous, really because logically there was no reason to be

You were his girlfriend and you did not mind sudden Hollywood blockbuster worthy kisses when he got a spurt of…possessiveness towards you

He is in no way overbearing or anything, both of you share the opinion that even though you’re a couple you don’t have to be together all the time, spend afternoons with your friends

Then again, you two spend quite a lot of time together, with you being the  Volleyball Clubs manager, always staying behind with your team when they practiced way past the official clubs' training's hours

But sometimes he woke up and felt the need to have you all to himself

On those days a slightly lingering gaze by other would irk him enough to    permanently glue himself to your side or back

Because of the rareness of that situation, you generally give into that specific mood and take him either with you if you had plans or adapt to whatever your handsome boyfriend seemed fit

(usually, it consists of getting snacks from the store to make watching movies more fun after you both finished your homework. And also cuddles. Lots and lots and lots of cuddling and kisses.)

Anyway, normally he’s a super laid back, relaxed, and ‘’the best boyfriend in the world, right, baby?’’

Kuroo was happy with being ‘’a bit (big times) nerdy’’ as kenma liked to remark, liked that things had their reasons and were logically intelligible

Well…he quickly realized that, while emotions were chemically explainable this also was as far as logic was helpful with them

Sooo…there was no reasonable excuse for him to feel that ugly burning in his chest watching you ruffle through Lev’s hair and giggle so cutely

But it was his birthday, and you should be all over HIM because HE was YOUR boyfriend and in general, maybe he had one of those not so great days bc not only did he get stuck in his bedsheets and face planted to the ground first thing in the morning but his breakfast toast also landed with its face on the kitchen floor just after he put away all the things he used

You were…not avoiding him but kind of distant with your thoughts

At lunch, he was telling you something you’d usually find at least funny if not hilarious because your humor was so fantastically similar to his, but all you did was smile lightly

You even whispered with Yaku instead of talking to him !! how dare you

Rest in peace, Kuroo (you will survive one day with a bit less attention of your s/o)

He wasn’t jealous of Lev or thought that you suddenly developed feelings for the younger boy

He was jealous because that tall child hoarded all of your attention, while you had looked at him maybe twice, three times tops, in the last hour

‘’Kuroo.’’ To the untrained ear the small setters voice as passive as usual. Kuroo though is able to easily distinguish the various different layers of Kozume Kenma’s very real, emotional bandwidth. The captain did hear Kenma and his questioning as well as slightly worried tone, he simply chooses to not react in favor of shooting (barely) decently hidden death glares at the to-tall-for-his-own-good-boy. 

‘’Kuroo.’’ The slight change in his childhood friend's voice was enough for the black-haired player to grudgingly turn away from you and Lev to look at Kenma.

‘’Yes.’’ Tetsurou huffs out, giving his best to not sound like a petulant child. ‘’You’re so dumb.’’ Kenma said dryly, definitely analyzing him. The questioning sound leaving Kuroo was close to embarrassing, a quick cough and back straightening later, he adds ‘’You wound me. Right here.’’ While pressing his hand flat against his chest. ‘’Where’s my understanding childhood friend to put balm on my hurting heart by sharing emotionally charged, empathic words with me?’’

Instead of offering the desired words, the smaller boy rolls his eyes before he averts them to his hand-held gaming console. ’’Can you put that thing away, we’re at practice Kenma.’’ Kuroo all but unintentionally whined. 

Everything was stressing him out today. Usually, his childhood friend at least stuck to the general rule of not using it outside the breaks. But obviously, there was a plot against him going on with the goal to annoy him more than usual because, of course, why not doing it on his damn birthday. Nice friends and their nice presents.

Just like Kuroo did mere minutes before, Kenma decided to simply…ignore his request half voiced as some kind of instruction. Well…things didn’t work like they were supposed to, he didn’t feel like arguing with his friend so he let him be for now. Rather than that, he turned back to you and Lev, who – for once – seemed eager to train his digging and passing game because you threw the volleyball for him to dive after.

‘’Where in freaking hell is Yaku…’’ Kuroo muttered grumpily, before repeating louder ‘’Yaku! Why am I the only third…Noboyuki!’’These definitely aren’t my friends, he thought while finally giving in to his deepest desire of ripping you away from the grey-haired future wannabe ace. 

‘’You truly are dense when it comes to (Y/N),’’ Kenma says, moving away towards the benches, before swerving around them to leave for the clubroom. ‘’The definition of tunnel vision.’’

The thing is, Kuroo heard Kenma say it, but his brain refused to acknowledge them, too focused on finally being in the spotlight of your focus.

 Meanwhile, you were watching your dark-haired boyfriend closer than he realized. You carried the whole plan. Or rather your ability to make him lose focus on anything that isn’t you, with just the right amount of addressing the slight possessive side of his and deprivation of your attention.

Even though all of this was just so the others could fulfill their part of the plan, you hate how it led him to mope around the whole day. It was so hard to not laugh about his stupid science joke at lunch and overall, not tell him all day how glad you were that he was born. This is his special day, why wouldn’t you tell him how much you loved his presence and his annoyingly attractive smirk? If not for the others and them begging and bribing you, you would smooch his kissable cheeks, nose, forehead, and lips all day long to honor this special date.

You are an amazing and emphatic girlfriend, so…of course, you realize that his mood in general is rather on the bad side today. He wants you close and to himself, and you did the complete opposite! Tetsurou would absolutely give you an ear full later when he finally understood the whole plan.

Nonetheless, it is kind of cute how he tried to hide that he was sulking. Your big baby of a boyfriend was currently trying to kill poor Lev with his gaze alone, staring holes into the back of his head all the while directing puppy dog eyes at you to relent and come over.

Usually, your Tetsurou was the perfect team captain. Attentive, clever, strategical, and just the right amount of authoritarian and approachable. But with his mind stuck on questioning why you were being weird to him on his birthday, he had yet to realize that through the whole time of today’s practice all of his teammates inexplicably went missing for about 15 minutes before they either sneaked back in (the first years and some of the second years) or openly announced a little too detailed information on how, for example, the bathroom visit has been absolutely necessary and could not be postponed.

The only problem: Lev wasn’t allowed to know of the plan until a second beforehand to not accidentally spoil the surprise out of pure excitement to surprise his Kuroo-senpai.

When you see your better half starting to approach the two of you, yelling for his vice-captain and the libero simultaneously, you whisper ‘’Lev, when I say now, you have to start running okay and call for Yaku. Ask him to practice your receives as loud as you can, and take off over to the clubroom as fast as possible, alright? Also, please don’t fall, we don’t need a bloody and broken nose, Tetsu is pissed enough already. Please do it for me, okay?’’ It was a bit unfair of you to look at him hopefully like that, but as the team manager, you posessed a certain power none of the other third years had over the younger players.

Just a moment before Kuroo got the chance to grab the clueless middle blockers shirt collar, you voice out a hushed ‘’Now!’’. You immediately look up innocently to your boyfriend and finally put the warm smile on your lips that wanted to sit there since your eyes fell on him the first time this morning. ‘’Tetsu...is everything okay?’’ - ‘’Yaku-senpai, please help me with my receives!’’

‘’Lev never asks for receiving practice...’’ is…not the thing you wanted your boyfriend to say. Panicking that he might find out now, still a bit too early, you do the only thing that you know WILL take his mind off of it. You cup his cheek with your hands and pull him down to press your lips against his. 

His reaction was immediate, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you so close to him that not even a feather would fit between the two of you. Getting into the spontaneous moment, you happily loop your arms around his neck, smiling softly into the kiss. 

Yeah...you definitely had missed that.

When you break apart, he pecks your lips a few additional times for good measure before he bends down even more to bury his face in your neck, enjoying how your fingers softly stroke through and play with his hair, in all the right ways, helping him to relax for the first time in hours. ‘’Baby,…’’ he murmurs against your skin ‘’…no one is training the way they should, let’s just ditch practice. We get a cake from the bakery down the street and eat it in bed, okay?’’

For the second time today, you feel bad. Your boyfriend's voice sounds tired and that was not how a birthday boy was supposed to sound. With his face in your neck, you were able though to watch the entrance. They should come in any second now. You feel tempted to give into Tetsurou’s wishes.

Can they hurry up?! 

The thought desperately shoots through your head, because even though he was currently not paying attention to anything but recharging and breathing you in, Kuroo is way too perceptive to not get behind the ruckus going on in the gym the whole afternoon.

‘’We can cuddle later, Tetsu, I promise my whole afternoon is all for you. If you want I can even sleep over.’’ Your soothing words made his invisible cat ears prick up and listen interested. You knew that, from the moment you both enter the comfort of his home, he would drape himself over you for permanent, never-ending cuddles. The only reason for him to let go of you - unwillingly so - will be you whining about having to use the bathroom. For everything else, you would have to carry a (nearly) dead weight of the size and weight of your boyfriend everywhere.

‘’I haven’t heard Tora for a while now….’’ The raven-haired middle blocker mumbles, and your heart picks up some speed again.

Looking for words you stammer some intangible syllables, which lead Kuroo to look up, suspicion swirling in his hazel eyes. ‘’Baby…what’s wrong?’’ he asks, cocking his head to the side, watching you like a cat its prey. Quickly waving your hands in front of you, you hastily answer a ‘’Nothing.’’ And try to smile away the panic.

Before he got the chance to repeat his question and pry it out of you, the gym darkens, and you breathe out a sigh of relief. Just on time. With the door opening a little source of light illuminates his teammate's faces with his closest friends at the front. Yaku holding a cake stabbed with 18 sparklers, and Nobuyuki holding an unholy amount of the ugliest birthday ballons you had ever seen. All of them together slaughtering the happy birthday song in such a passionate manner, that you could see yourself being able to forgive them the torture they put you through in the near future. 

‘’Come one, birthday boy.’’ You say with a loving smile, and grab his hand to pull him to the rest of the group.

The moment the lights flicker back on and everyone is cheering out loud one last time. You realize belated that Kuroo (intended) and you (unintended) were besieged with confetti and glitter. (You, until this day, suspect Yamamoto who looked a bit too innocent for your taste.)

‘’All of that…for me?’’ Kuroo questions, his gorgeous eyes shining tell telling in the remaining light of the sparkles. Following his words, Kenma takes a small step forward quickly handing over a small book – filled with birthday wishes, pictures that were taken with each and all of them, inside jokes and doodles - just to move out of the spotlight again as quickly as he jumped into it. ‘’Surprise, Tetsu.’’ You say with a sweet smile, that makes him move closer to you to gift himself a taste of your lips.

Before things get to turn mushy and emotional, a chant of Cake! Cake! Cake! – started by Lev and Tora, joined by everyone, disrupts the moment the two of you had.

‘’Okay, okay! I hear the will of the people, I’ll submit to it!’’ Kuroo gives in laughing. ‘’But…’’ a theatrical moment of silence ‘’I want to cut the cake with (Y/N) together!’’ Your boyfriend proudly announces, and, to his delight, you blush furiously. Yakus laughing remark of ‘’Oi, Kuroo, this is not your wedding, you know!’’ was followed by various joking wolf whistles and some hollering. You didn’t know how you ended up being in the center of attention together with him, but when Tetsuro easily replies ’’Well, I need to perfect this skill it for the real ceremony after party one day.’’ You knew that you wouldn’t want to be somewhere else.

[lobotomy-maybe-bestie]

RQG for the music ask meme!!

1. Ghosting - Mother Mother

Probably Sasha as the sneakiest, the invisble one in the party, leaving her home, leaving London and then eventually leaving the entire world, but still haunting the memory of the party as they make their way through the destroyed remains of Other London

I've been ghosting, I've been ghosting alone

Ghost in the world, ghost with no home

I mean this was basically her whole life until finding a home in Ancient Rome. No I'm not getting emotional about Sasha again ;_;

2. Morton's Fork - Typhoon

Ok so this is unfortunate because I have that song from an RQG playlist. It's peak "Guard the pack so you that you will succeed together" "Taking a spear for Sasha" "Volunteering for the first night watch in Damascus even though he hasn't slept for 48 hours" Grizzop drik acht Amsterdam.

I won't lie to you, it will be painful

It's in your nature to fear what is natural

I mean just-

We are alone in this together

All alone in this together

Just-

I haven't slept in several nights and I'm not tired

Who protects the ones I love when I'm asleep?

Though there's little I can do, I say a prayer

That when the wolves come for their share

They'll come for me

Yeah. Pretty much.

3. High Hopes - Panic! At the Disco

S1 Amelia Earhart definitely. This song has crazy airship trick vibes.

4. 21 Guns - Green Day

It's angsty enough to fit the whole campaign I reckon but I don't know any specifics.

5. Loose Ends - Imogen Heap

Zolf and Hamid.

It's complicated

This time I think it could be

Triangulated

It could be just what we need

So what do you say, we give it up and walk away?

We're overrated anyway

Need I say more?

Not now, not ever, no, it's never a good time

How will the good times ever roll on?

Comparing photos then and now, now and then

Just wondering where it all went wrong

Just... ouch.

6. Little In The Middle - Milow

Ohhhh okay this song gives me Hamid vibes. It's specifically about a child's dream to join a circus but like...

For the fun and death defying

But in time you forgot life is small in the big top

And your dreams were slowly dying

What you wanted was not a crime

You could have done it

Hamid with his dreams of becoming a wizard which were shattered only for him to be plunged into a terrifying and wonderful adventure that makes him develop a new dream, of being a Hero.

Lions leap through hoops of fire

As the acrobats go flying

But what's the show all about

When did your north get turned to south

And the truth turned to lying

Only for the story to get darker and darker, he loses his sister, he loses his friends, he loses the world. He is more powerful than he could have EVER imagined but it comes at the cost of having to save the world and being ready to sacrifice everything he has.

Always just a little in the middle

It keeps your head from spinning round

And the party around him who are so much more pragmatic! We just saw it again, Cel closing the door because they knew that it was more important to protect the lab than to ensure they can all survive. Hamid really is just a little guy in the middle of everything and it makes me feel so sorry for him!!

7. Atlas Hands - Benjamin Francis Leftwich

It makes me think about Cel's old life. Like when they were living with their husband and his kids? Actually maybe it's that specific scene in the Garden of Yerlick where he appears and they tell him all about what happened since he died.

I will remember your face

Cause I am still in love with that place

But when the stars are the only things we share

Will you be there?

Like just that quiet reassurance there that they still love and remember him? It makes me feel something.

I've got a plan, I've got an atlas in my hands

I'm gonna turn when I listen to the lessons I've learned

Also these lines are very Cel. They're old! They've seen a lot! They've travelled the whole world! And now they're saving it!

8. Cough Syrup - Young The Giant

Early Sasha, definitely. It's about the "I don't have anything to lose", "I just need to get away"

If I could find a way to see this straight

I'd run away

The party being an opportunity for her. Protection, sure, but also a way out and, maybe more importantly, a reason to go. A goal that isn't just "escape".

9. Carrying Cathy - Ben Folds

Alright, so I thought "Haha it's about Wilde bc he sucks so bad at combat that the party has to carry him all the time" and then I thought some more about it and got very, very sad.

So obsessed was I and self-absorbed that I

Didn't see that she was crying

In Paris, when the party was fleeing and treated Wilde like absolute shit (like okay they saved his life but they treated him a little like they treat Barrett now). Especially told from Zolf's perspective to highlight how CLOSE they are now.

And she's different when it's just me and her, and I

After the whole party disappears and Zolf and Wilde found each other. How close they grew in that 18 months but also the fact that Wilde judged himself effectively useless except to do paperwork (tbf he was right and also very good at paperwork but still... ouch)

But to imagine a fall

With no one at all to catch you

There'd always been someone

And then he falls off the ship and dies. And they carry him again, in the hope he may be resurrected.

10. Purpose - The Late Night Call

This song is very Endgame lol. Everyone aware that they might need to sacrifice themselves and trying to find something good in that.