#absolute bullshit. he knew this whole time and he never told me. only to turn around and tell me to mt face

[hollypies]

I would not trust your brothers if I were you, and if they try to make you feel bad about being suspicious about anything that leaves their mouths, I want you to do your best to ignore their nasty words because they and they alone brought it on themselves.

If your brothers didn't want you not trusting them, they shouldn't have hidden your game and lied to your face for three years. Let them whine and bitch all they want, because it's their own damn fault. They made their beds, now they have to sleep in them. Make them work to gain back your trust and don't make it easy for them.

If your brothers want you to trust them again, they need to work for it because they do not deserve immediate forgiveness, they do not deserve immediate restored trust. They need to work for your trust and it's entirely up to you whether you want to give it back to them or not.

Don't let your brothers guilt trip or gaslight you into forgiving them, stick to it and make sure they learn they can't just do whatever they want and expect it to be water under the bridge the following day.

Thanks. Im probably not going to forgive them for a while. They don't even seem to think what they've done was wrong and that it hurt me. Kept saying "what could I have done?" And "how would me saying where it was make things better" and WORST of all "You would've just made things worse."

It sucks. And I did trust my brothers. A lot. Way more than my parents. But idk now. I dont think I trust any of them. And if they want my trust they're gonna have to understand why I'm so upset . I don't think they care though, it's just a "silly game" to them, but it meant a lot to me .

I'm keeping those games in my room now.

Thanks. I'll try to ignore what they say, it's just going to be hard! I still don't really understand why they did this to me, and messed with me for THREE. YEARS. its judt. Such a long time to keep lying to someone. Over something that, in their words was a "silly game and petty reasons". Like. Damn

[concretecultist]

Sunshine (muscle memory pt. 2)

summary: "true love never leaves, sometimes it just gets lost temporarily. lost in pride and ego, lost in confusion and misunderstanding. but love being lost is never the end; sometimes love needs to breathe before it finds home again."

word count: 17.6k

pairing: reader x noah sebastian

warnings: angst, talks of mental health, feelings of guilt, mentions of marijuana usage, crying, dad!noah, FLUFF

THIS IS PURE FICTION AND IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY!!!

A/N: yeah so idk how to write short stories really 😭 so this is a long one!! Please make sure to comment and reblog as it helps us writers out immensely!! Much love!

~Berry🫐

“You’re so full of shit!,”

Matt had come back into town, rushing to tell Noah and the guys what had happened while he was out. Noah, Nicholas and Jolly were playing a video game on the big screen when Matt rushed in, Folio nodding in and out of sleep with a bag of chips in his hands after facing a whole blunt by himself.

“Bro, I know what I fucking saw,” Matt was seething, does Noah really think he would lie about something like this? “This wasn’t some Y/N doppelgänger, it was Y/N and she had a baby, a little girl.. who looks just like you might I add. It’s weird!,”

Noah felt like his stomach fell out of his ass. Matt has to be bullshitting. Maybe you were babysitting? There’s no way you had a baby. There’s no way he had a baby.

“It’s hard to tell who babies look like when they’re still that young. Maybe the guy who told you to go away was her new boyfriend,” Jolly tried to justify.

Matt frowned at Jolly’s disposition. Everyone in this room knew you like the palm of their hands. It took you a while to open up to Noah and become his girlfriend and even longer to open up to them to consider them playfully-annoying brothers.

“She’s not like that,” Nicholas clicked away at his controller, brows furrowing as he soaks in the conversation.

Matt clapped his hands and pointed to Nicholas as if to say that the point he made was based, and it was.

Nicholas continued speaking while keeping his eyes trained on the screen, absolutely obliterating the characters within the game, “I mean think about it. If what Matt is saying is true-,”

“And it is!,” Matt interjected but all Nicholas did was roll his eyes and continue speaking,

“-Then the time between Noah and Y/N breaking up versus now, would not be enough time for her to get pregnant by someone else,”

“One night stand after they broke up?,” Folio answered absentmindedly.

“You know damn well that’s not how Y/N is,” Matt just wanted to pull his hair out, “If you saw that baby then you guys would see I’m not lying,”

Noah felt like he might be sick. Even if you two broke up, you would tell him that you were pregnant… right?

But then again, the last few months of your relationship, he wasn’t there, emotionally nor physically so he can’t blame you if you didn’t. It doesn’t hurt any less though and he doesn’t know what to believe.

“Where the hell did you even see her? I figured she jumped ship,” Noah shrugged, “And even if this is the case, Matt. She blocked all of us on… o-on everything so how do you expect me to go about this?,”

The silence from the blond was enough of an answer for Noah but Matt’s silence didn’t mean he didn’t have one.

“Why are you so adamant on denying this?,”

“I’m not!,” Noah let his character go idle long enough for Nicholas to say fuck it and actually pause the entire game, “I just don’t know what to do! I mean, if she acted like she didn’t want to see you then what makes you think she’ll want to see me?,”

The guys knew Noah had a point, but he should still try.

“It’s Sunday. Every other Sunday she goes to the markets and you should know that because you would always be at the studio with Jolly so she would take me with her,” Matt stood there with his arms crossed, he watched the gears turn in Noah’s head but he knew the brunet still wasn’t getting it.

“Okay?,” Noah was stumped.

“Which means she still has her routines, dork!,” he tapped his fingers to his temple as if to tell Noah to ‘fucking think’

“Meaning on Wednesday, she’ll be at the actual grocery store getting what she couldn’t at the market,” Nicholas answered for Matt.

“Are we sure any of this is a good idea?,” Jolly probed, “If you guys ended mutually then one, why would she not tell you, two, why would she block all of us, and three, why would she act like that when seeing Matt?,”

Jolly, Matt and Nicholas had their suspicions about the breakup. Noah had told them it was pretty cut and dry but they could never get your side as you pretty much went off the grid.

“I don’t know!,” Noah held his hands up in frustration, “I don’t know why you guys are acting like I’m not blindsided here,”

“There’s only one grocery store within the town I saw her near. Don’t be on any stalker shit but I’ll bet you my fucking mixing equipment she’ll be there on a Wednesday at 4:45 before the after work rush comes,” Matt refuted.

It felt strange to Noah that all of his friends seemed to read you like a book, but when he thinks about you, you seem like a mystery. Maybe it’s because you had no choice but to become one after a while. It’s his fault you closed yourself off. You tried until you couldn’t yet Noah made your efforts seem pointless. Noah had neglected you, he became a stranger who wasn’t involved in your routines anymore and he’s had more than enough time to realize that after you left.

When you left it felt like his world had stopped. How did he fuck up so bad? Letting the voices in his head get to him, pushing you away with the idea that you’ll someday be with someone who deserves you. The demons in his head convinced him that he wasn’t that someone.

He let the weight of the world crush him. He let the brain fog cloud his vision, his judgment and now here he is, doing his best to get better. Now has the news that he may or may not be a father. He’s spooked by the idea. If he couldn’t be a good partner how does he expect you to let him in for a chance to be a good father… if he can find you that is? He’s petrified.

Except he knows damn well it doesn’t outweigh the panic you felt when he pushed you away, forcing you to go through it all alone.

It had been about two and a half weeks or so since your run in with Matt and it has done nothing but prompted you to stay inside more than you already have been. Reid agreed to drop off your needed items and even stuck around to help around the house. He’s even brought Ms. Ernie by as she’s missed you.

You wanted to get out though. You missed going on walks around the woods, missed stepping foot on the outskirts of the city. You couldn’t hide away forever and you really couldn’t do that to Noelle, she needed to see the outside world.

That’s how you found yourself in the supermarket in town with Ms. Ernie as she asked you what you wanted for dinner.

“I think some mashed potatoes and steamed broccoli will be good sides,” you suggested.

“Want gravy?,”

“No, I’m more of a butter and pepper kinda gal,” you lightly nudged her, patting Noelle’s bottom as she laid quietly in her baby wrap against your chest.

“You kids don’t appreciate good gravy anymore,” she playfully rolled her eyes.

This is something you really needed. Was this a friendship you expected to have? Absolutely not, still it helps you feel normal. You share your eggs from your chickens and she makes you milk and yogurt, she always invites you over for Wednesday dinner, you invite her over for a nice cool lunch while she’s on break from the truck.

“What do we want for dessert?,” you ask, looking at the array of fresh baked goods.

“Pick whatever you want, sweetie. I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go look at the teas, I’m running low and I think they’re on sale!” she waved, taking the cart to go get her favorite brand of iced tea.

“What are we feeling, Sunshine?,” you lightly bounce, her hand reaching up to feel your cheek, “Do we want carrot cake, red velvet? Ouuu that caramel crumble apple pie sounds gooooood,”

You look at her, heart swelling while she just squeals and smiles at you. You never expected yourself to be a parent, a single parent at that- but smiling down at this face, with the cutest, chubbiest cheeks and big, animated eyes, you wouldn’t trade this for anything.

“I know, I think we should get all of them too,” you rub your nose against hers just to hear her babble again. You would never get tired of that sound, it became your favorite song.

“But!-” you open the cooler door and begin reaching, “-Mama is really craving the red velvet,”

Unfortunately for you though, it was on the top shelf and you just weren’t tall enough. You hear yourself grunt as you reach and honestly it’s rather embarrassing. You try again and see no one nearby to ask for help and you feel defeated. All you wanted was a nice piece of cake. Deciding to give up, you slap your hand down against your thigh and look to Noelle to pout at her, “I guess it wasn’t meant to be”

While you were looking at her, you were in your own world. Everything just seemed to stop when you peered into those eyes. Noelle nuzzled her cheek against the back of your finger as you caressed it. All you wanted was a nice dinner followed by eating cake while she slept on your chest, a nice night with you and Ms. Ernie competing against each other while watching a game show.

You were so caught up in adoring your daughter that you didn’t see the large hand that reached over your head to grab the cake you desired.

“Here you go,” a hopeful drone made its way into your ears.

You were so set on having a good night except when you looked up, your smile immediately fell and you were frozen. Your eyes seemed to deceive you because there was no way this was real. You had to be dreaming. There’s no way he’s standing in front of you.

Your body betrayed you. Everyone speaks of fight or flight and a part of you always believed that if you were in a situation where you had to choose, that you’d choose flight, not being the fighting type and opting to always run and hide. But… Now that you’re in a situation like this, there’s a third option many don’t acknowledge.

Freeze.

There’s fight.

There’s flight..

and then there’s freeze…

And you froze.

Your mind and body let you down. Your feet should be carrying your body as far away from his as possible but you just can’t move. You’re trying but they won’t budge.

That smile he shines isn’t helping either. It's an expression you want to wipe off his face but for some reason you can’t help but continue to stare because it’s a smile that you never expected to see again. It clicks that your mind is betraying you again because why are you finding comfort in it?

His eyes were tired but still so beautiful. You notice they hold hope as well as hesitation.

“You always did like red velvet,” he snickered but you didn’t find anything funny. What kind of sick joke is this?

“Get away from me,” you whisper. It sounded more confident in your head, you didn’t want to sound weak. Another bodily betrayal.

“I’m not here to scare you or hurt you. I just want to talk,” he caught a glimpse of the gorgeous baby in your wrap and his breath was taken away.

Matt was right and not just about the baby. But your routines. You never strayed far from your habits, so to see you walking in the store with your baby to your chest made this much more real than Noah could process at once. The poor guy doesn’t know if he’s relieved or scared shitless.

“There’s nothing to talk about. She’s not even yours,” your eyes flit as the tears fall down your cheeks. It felt like you were suffocating now. You know Matt spilled and really, you couldn’t blame him because if you were in Noah’s position, you’d want to be told as well. But then again.. you wouldn’t be in this position if you were him because you would’ve tried to save your relationship.

Being found so easily wasn’t something you planned and now you’re battling the feelings of wanting to slap him or run in his arms because while he hurt you- Noah was it for you. He was endgame. Seeing him stirred all these feelings inside that were now giving you vertigo, causing your stomach to swirl and a lump to form in your throat.

“Y/N, she looks just like me. There’s a lot to talk about,”

He tried to get another glimpse but you shielded her in the wrap. No, no way in hell. Taking a giant step back, you hold her closer, “I won’t let you take her away from me. She’s all I have, Noah. I won’t let you,”

Noah took a step forward and could only brandish defeat when you took yet another step back.

“I’m not trying to take her from you,” Noah knows he has no right to be offended. Like, let’s think- you two broke up and his best friend bumped into you, now Noah knows about his child and he found you in a random supermarket after you fought tooth and nail to stay away from him. It would make sense why you think he’d take her from you, but that’s far from what Noah wants. It’s a long shot but he wants to make this right.

Noah understands that he fucked up in the past but he wouldn’t do that to you, “That’s why I want to talk. I want a chance to be there,”

A scoff from you echoes in the empty aisle. How rich.

“You weren’t even there for me and you expect me to believe you’ll be there for her?,” You grit through your teeth, “She is too precious to be let down by you, Noah. Do it to me all you want but not when it comes to my daughter,”

A frown etched its way onto Noah’s face, waving his hands as if to say ‘wait, hold up’. He knows he hasn’t been there but he’s not about to be some deadbeat.

“Our… daughter,” he corrected, “You didn’t even give me a chance to know so I could be there,”

“You’ve got some fucking nerve!,” your voice had gone shrill and you were thankful that there was little to no people in the store. You wished he would have approached you outside, then you really wouldn’t have to worry about keeping your voice down.

“ ‘Our’ daughter, Noah? Really?! If you weren’t there before I was pregnant-,”

“I told you I just needed time,” he interjected, still holding onto that sentiment.

“I gave you four years!,” you spat, “Four years of me, Noah. I gave you four years to learn how to love me. To learn how to communicate even up until the end,”

Who knows how much time he would have needed. Who knows if he’d have even gotten his shit together by the time you found out you were with child and gave birth. Having Noelle now, you know for certain you couldn’t have just sat with idle hands.

“Y/N please,” he begged, still holding the cake in his hands, “I love you and I fucked up. It’s been killing me since the day you left and how I never had to chance to make it right, then Matt told me-”

“Matt is wrong. Matt doesn’t know what he’s talking about!,” you really weren’t trying to make a scene here and you were still trying to convince Noah that Noelle wasn’t his.

“She has my eyes, Y/N. She’s a perfect mix of you and me. Please, just, can we talk about this over coffee. I know you don’t owe me anything but can we meet for lunch or something?,”

Before you could answer with a fat ass denial, Ms. Ernie is coming up with her noisy cart, scooting along with a small frown on her face.

“They done moved my tea, I had to ask for help,” she frowned. She was never the type to like asking for help in stores, she liked it when things were easy to find.

She moves to stand beside you, waiting for your response but then she notices the look of shock you’re wearing and meets Noah’s eyes. It took her a second before she gawked, looking to Noelle and back to Noah.

“That’s that baby’s daddy!,” she looks over her glasses and you loudly sigh at her statement. She didn’t always read the room well.

“Ms. Ernie!,”

“Sorry, honey but it’s undeniable,” she shrugs, looking back to Noah, “You gonna put that cake in my cart or just stand there looking pretty,”

Noah stammered before rushing to set the cake down in the cart and turning to you. Words seem to catch in his throat, not exactly sure what to say.

“I know you blocked us all on everything so just… reach out when you’re ready. I really would like to talk about all of this,”

“I gotta go” Looking to Ms. Ernie so that she would get the hint to start walking. You knew you were in for a long night of her lectures, no matter how insightful they always were, you weren’t ready.

You had a feeling for how the night would go now. This feeling had your stomach queasy as if you’re on a boat, feeling the waves rock you to and fro. It was hard to face the music but she was going to make you. That’s just how Ms. Ernie was, you just weren’t ready for her to be right about it all.

“Give him a chance, sweetie,”

Noelle was fast asleep while you leaned on Ms. Ernie’s shoulder, eating your cake and watching Wheel of Fortune. You wanted your night to go just like this but it wasn’t enjoyable, not with all that was plaguing your mind.

“I can’t let him back in,” you think about it, recalling how bad it hurt you the first time around, “Now that Noey is involved, I can’t let my guard down. I’m a mom now, I have to protect her,”

“I’m not saying throw your whole hand in,” she sipped her tea, “Have a drink with him. I can call Reid to help me with our cute lil plum,”

It wasn’t a secret to how badly you were emotionally wounded when you and Noah parted ways, but it also wasn’t a secret to Ms. Ernie just how bad you love him. From the day you met her, she claimed you and Noah would find your way back to each other. You always told her it was a fat chance. Even now, your heart was playing tug of war.

Do you stay away? Leaving him to wallow in his bad decisions? or do you lean into the possibility of mending things?

“I never stopped loving him, that’s why I’m scared,” you sit up to look at her, she looked so noble when looking at you over her glasses like that, “I watched him love me less and less until our love just became an empty shell. I watched him pick his job over me and I can’t put her through that,”

Ms. Ernie reached over to wipe your tears when she caught sight of your trembling chin. It was comforting, like a grandma tending to her grandchild while they experienced a melancholic mood.

“Take it slow. Take time to get to know the new him and he can take the time to get to know the new you,”

“Does he deserve that though?,”

“Mmm,” she shrugged, “Sometimes a lot of good can come out of a second chance. What if you and him were meant to part ways, only so you two could find each other again?”

“Love shouldn’t come to that, no?,” a twinge of confusion worming its way into your tone

“Oh honey. You’ve got a lot to learn about love,” she lightly swatted your leg, “No amount of time and space can separate you from those that are meant to be in your life. This is a second chance to create a new story,”

You called it. You knew she was gonna get all philosophical on you and be right about all of this.

“Don’t rush into it but…” she sighed, “Give it a shot,”

You don’t even know if you were strong enough to lift the metaphorical gun to give it a shot. Pondering her words each bite at a time while you finish your treat, how do you go about this without immediately falling in love with him again? He was so easy to love even when you didn’t want to, even in his faults. One look at him and it felt like the first day you met him.

You were standing at the bus stop one day, sighing at having to take public transportation as your anxiety has been in overdrive since your car was in the shop. Public transportation meant a lot of people in close quarters and you just couldn’t handle that right now.

In the midst of your mind being in a flurry, a group of rowdy men are approaching. You’re too caught up in trying to reduce your apprehension to notice them getting closer until a nameless man bumps into you, knocking your token out of your hand.

Watching it fly from your hand, floating in mid air, all you can do is try to catch it but it just wasn’t your day. Your token falls down the street drain and your gasp causes the rowdy group to stop.

“No! No, no, no, no noooo!,” you fall to your knees and look down the drain to see the token shining up from the bottom. It was mocking you.

“Dang it!,” your head falls in your hands, wallowing in embarrassment. The token station was 9 blocks away, there was no way you’d make it there and back in time. Of course the transit app wasn’t working on your phone either, you’d been telling yourself to get a new phone carrier for months now, now look at you.

“I’m… so sorry!,”

Removing your head from your hands, your eyes move in the direction in which the voice came. Your breath is instantly taken away once again but for a whole other reason.

“I can pay for another token,” he offers, helping you up, his large hands grasping your biceps to get you up right.

“No it’s okay I can-,”

“Please. It’s the least I can do,” the tall brunet insisted. Your words are caught in your throat, eyes trying to drink in his beauty before he becomes only a memory.

“Nice going, Noah!,” a tall blond wearing a hat pushes him.

“Watch where you’re going, asshole,” another chuckled, he was also decked out in tattoos, gorgeous black hair and glittering eyes.

But your eyes were on the inked man in front of you, the one who made your day even more of a rollercoaster than it already has been. While his friends make fun of him, your eyes are tracing over his tattoos, you’d never seen so many on one body in person before.

“Is… is that a Garden of Eden reference?,” you point to his neck.

He touches his throat and chuckles, a noise that you weren’t aware would change your life.

“Yeah, yeah it is,”

“It’s nice,” you mutter, afraid to speak above a certain octave. You don’t talk to people much, you were only a lonely librarian who went to work, staying in the basement all day to organize books and then go home.

“Thanks…?” he trails off but points to you ask if to ask you a question

“Y/N,” you spill out, “M-my name is Y/N,” you anxiously stick out your hand for him to take and shake, “I think he just called you Noah?,”

“Yeah that’s me,” his smile… my God his smile was hypnotizing. His smile could cure all sadness

“You owe me a bus pass,” you point out, “A-and… and I can pay you back over a cup of tea and some fresh scones at my favorite bakery downtown,”

Your confidence not only caught him off guard, but you as well. You’d never suggest something like that to someone and now you’re overthinking the fact that you’ve made such a fool of yourself.

“Sorry that was… that was abrasive and demanding. That was so rude. Y-you were just being nice and I just… you’re just so pretty and oh my God… Y/N shut up-,”

“Hey,” he softly talked over you, wanting to calm you down without scaring you.

“We’ll stick around until the bus comes so I can pay for your pass and we can trade numbers to set up a date for those scones,”

A date… a DATE?! You’ve only ever been on a handful of dates before and they all went terribly. Surely he didn’t mean like… a date-date, right? Like, you’re sure he just meant a little meetup so you could actually pay him back.

“O-okay!,” wide eyed, you nod your head and look around to his friends that are smiling and laughing and you don’t know if they’re laughing at you. It’s okay if they are, you’re used to it.

“Don’t mind them. They’re assholes,”

“We are not!,” a shorter man punches his arm, “I’m Nick by the way, but you can call me Folio. That’s Jolly, Nicholas, Matt, Davis and Bryan!,”

You nod to them all, making a note of their names.

“Y/N,” you sputter, “I’m Y/N,”

“We heard,” Jolly smiled.

“Right,” you give a bashful smile and turn from them to sit on the bench, “The buses are running 20 minutes late today so you really don’t have to wait,” you set your book in your lap.

“I insist. If these jerks are in a rush, they can go without me,” Noah throws a hand back at them. He’s not surprised that that’s exactly what they did.

They left Noah there, giving you two the chance to talk about the most random things, like your favorite book genres to read, things on your bucket list, aliens, paranormal shit. Just fun things. This is the most you’ve talked to any stranger you’ve ever met, you don’t even talk to your co workers like this.

Noah let you yap about your interests, he admired the way you animated your speech with your hands. He was absolutely enamored with the way you bounced in your seat when he brought up a topic that excited you and he made a mental bookmark so he could memorize the way your eyes close when you laugh.

Noah didn’t believe in love at first sight but this felt like it.

While discussing your favorite twilight characters, the noise of the approaching bus pulled you from your conversation, Noah can see how your face dropped. Your conversation went by too quickly.

“We can have more conversations like this,” Noah shows you his screen, displaying his number and you curse to yourself, knowing he can see you shaking while you hurry to type it into your phone. Your heart was beating out of your chest, he is so sweet and so fricken cute and his tattoos are so cool and he just sat here to talk to YOU?! No one ever just talks to you.

He’s even nice enough to help you onto the bus and get you seated before saying his saddened farewells to leave you. His demeanor gave off reluctance and you felt like you were in a rom-com when he stood outside the bus, waving as it began rolling away.

Your face was hotter than hell, there’s no way any of that just happened. Your phone felt heavy in your hands, demanding to be opened. Gnawing at your lip, your fingers dance on your screen, trying to figure out what to say.

You went with a simple text, something quirky. Something that you hope he’ll answer to and not ghost you after the way you opened up to him so easily.

“So… about those scones?”

All those memories flood back and you can feel the dampness of your face. Where did that Noah go?

How did your once grey world that become so colorful so quickly with his presence, fade into grey once more with his absence in the blink of an eye?

What happened to him that he became so detached? What was lying beneath the surface that he let fester until he let it impact your relationship?

You feel Ms. Ernie takes the plate away from you and rests her hand on your cheek, pulling you out of the pit you were digging with your overactive questioning.

“I got the spare bedroom ready for ya, go get some rest,”

Taking her advice, Noelle snuggled into you as you carried her to the spare room where Ms. Ernie had set up a spare bassinet. You had tucked her in, making sure she was safe and secure before plopping down on the bed with a large sigh, heels of your palms pressing into your eyes to subdue your flowing tears. Now that you were alone, the weight of everything came down.

Tired of feeling so scatterbrained, you grabbed your phone, tapping away at the screen to have your thumb hovering over his name. Was this a good idea? Do you give in this easily? Would this be healthy for your mental state right now? Maybe Matt was right, this wasn’t about you, this was about Noelle, she deserved her dad, right?

But what about protecting her? You didn’t want to introduce him into her life just for him to turn around and jump ship when things got too hard.

Here goes the vicious cycle of overthinking and all the possibilities that made themselves known with the heaviness, giving you no other choice but to feel it filling up your chest. How soon did you want to do this? Did you even want to do this at all?

You’ve been blaming yourself since that day at the market. Had you gone earlier like you always do, you wouldn’t have bumped into Matt, or if you had paid attention, you could have avoided him. There were so many outcomes the universe shuffled in its hand and yet the card you were dealt was the situation you were facing right now.

Finally having enough of your own inner dialogue, a deep breath escapes you when clicking on his contact, closing your eyes when hitting Unblock Caller

Just like the day you met him, you’re faced with the challenge of what to say, except this time there was nothing cute or quirky to say. It was simple and serious.

Tomorrow 12pm at the bakery downtown.

That’s all you could come up with before pressing send. It’s almost like he was waiting by his phone, waiting for you to reach out and it makes you kick yourself. What if this is a set up and you’re falling into his plan.

Wait, no.

Noah has messed up but, He wouldn’t do that… would he? He wouldn’t hurt you any further. You hope you’re right because now this is happening.

I’ll be there.

Sleep fought you all night. In and out of sleep to either tend to Noelle or simply because your mind wouldn’t power down for the night. When you were finally able to get some shut-eye, it was like it was already time for the sun to rise.

Ms. Ernie had breakfast ready for you after you fed Noelle, scooting around her quaint kitchen humming the tune of a classic she grew up listening to. Your nerves were bad as you thought of the day ahead.

“So, what are your plans today?,” she questions.

Slowly chewing your food, your eyes avert down to the table. Why do you feel so embarrassed to admit that you’re meeting him today despite her calling it?

“I uhm, I was going to ask if-,”

“Yes. Reid is already on his way,” the elderly woman delivered a smug expression, she’s been on Earth long enough to know how young love works.

You chuckle at her and shake your head, “You don’t even know what I was going to ask,”

“Baby, I can read you like a book. You’re gonna go see him. I could tell before you went to bed last night. We’ve spent enough time together for me to know you’re not over him,”

Knowing this fact made you feel an ounce of shame. You should be over him. He showed his ass last year yet you’re not sure if the alarm bells that are going off in your head are due to actual warning or if they’re sounding off because you can’t seem to do anything other than overthink. It’s a terrible habit and an even more terrible predicament to be in.

“Am I jumping into this?,” you rub Noelle’s back absentmindedly, enjoying the weight of her in your arms to ground you. Maybe you should have given it a couple days. Did it seem desperate to message him so soon? You were supposed to hate his guts

“It was going to have to happen at some point, dear,” she shrugs while cleaning the kitchen, “You’ve left some bricks of milk in the freezer, you’ve left some spare bottles, diapers, all that. With Reid here to help me she’s in good hands times 2,”

Almost as if she had summoned him, Reid knocks and enters through her front door, a bright smile on his face that you’ve come to learn really helps calm you down. You were thankful for the connections you’ve made since being on your own.

These people were your village and you were in good hands, meaning Noelle was too.

“Gooooooood morning!!,” he claps, hugging Ms. Ernie before moving to you to steal a piece of bacon off your plate. Reid hugs you as well, taking Noelle from your arms.

“I can’t forget you, sunshine!,” he holds her up in the air and she screams in excitement, dropping her head on his chest when he pulls her in.

Ms. Ernie could tell your nerves were getting the best of you, it’s happened enough times to know that spaced out look on your eyes.

“Finish eating and get ready. You can take my car,” she scoots around the kitchen to set her keys on the counter.

“I can call an Uber” not wanting to impose

“Nonsense!,” she waves her hand with a frown, “Your car is back at the cabin, my car doesn’t get much use cause I always take my truck. It’s not a problem,”

Reid sits beside you and rubs your back as a means of comfort, it’s written all over your face that you’re distraught, you never did master your poker face.

“Hey, you got this,”

You drop your head on the table and can feel the tears welling once more.

“Am I stupid for letting him in so easily?,” the familiar knot was forming in your throat, warning that tears would soon begin to fall if you didn’t pull yourself together, “He literally told me he didn’t love me like he used to, then last night says he never stopped. It’s hurting my head. I went about year without him and now I’m going to meet him and I’m terrified,”

“Y/N,” Reid began, “How do eat an elephant?,”

You turn to him and frown at his question. But this is Reid, you know he’s about to say something corny.

“How?,”

“One bite at a time,” he comforts, “It’s okay to feel nervous. It’s okay to overthink all of this and it’s okay to think about the cons. But what if this turns into something good?,”

“It was supposed to be something good the first time,” you hiccup. It’s just tearing you apart all over again to think about what could have been if he’d tried harder back then. You could have been a happy family instead of going through this.

“But then I guess I wouldn’t have met you guys,”

“Exactly. Everything happens for a reason,” Ms. Ernie interjects, “But if you get back with him, you better not forget us,”

Her words were jaw dropping, you know she was saying it as a joke but there was a twinge of truth in them. You all have gotten so close and it would crush her if you left and never looked back.

“I would never dream of it,”

You arrived at the bakery an hour early. Your thoughts wouldn’t slow down unless you did and your nerves were on fire the closer it got.

Maybe this was a bad idea. No… this definitely was a bad idea, right? This bakery brought so many memories. What kind of self torture is it to recommend meeting at the place you two had your first date?

It’s 12 now and he’s still not here. Your chest starts to ache and you don’t know if stress is the cause or if it’s because you knew this was too good to be true.

The reality of having a baby scared him off. He wasn’t ready to be a parent. He’s a big shot rock star, sitting here with the realization made it click that he’s not ready to give that up. He loved his job too much.

It was now 12:06 and there was still no sign of him. You weren’t going to text him, he shouldn’t need a reminder, especially because he never followed up today.

Exhaling mournfully, you gather your belongings, standing up to leave when you hear the bell to the front door and heavy, pattering feet-

“I’m here!!,” panting, hands on his knees as he gets to the table, “I’m here! Accident blocked off the highway- had to take a detour- sped here, no parking. Had to park 2 blocks away so I ran,” he slid into the booth, running a hand through his hair to calm down.

His face was cherry red, chest rising and falling quickly, he looked beat. You don’t say a word, you just slip him your water and he whispers his gratitude just as he chugs it, taking a napkin to wipe his mouth.

“I don’t have her here with me,” a monotonous tone leaves you.

He nods, taking a second to compose himself, trying to get his heart rate down so that he could have a calm conversation.

“I expected that,” leaning back in his seat, his eyes settle in on you and you start to feel self conscious, “You’re still as beautiful as the day I met you,”

“Noah,”

“No, I know I fucked up, Y/N. Trust me, no one knows more than me,” he leans his elbows on the table, dipping his head to catch your eyes that way you can see he was being honest, “I’ve kicked myself in the ass ever since then,”

“I can’t just let you back in, Noah,”

“And I don’t expect you to,” his hand comes to his lips, pressing on them as he thinks, “Everyday I thought about you and what I could have done better. I have therapy now, I learned better coping mechanisms. I know that’s something I should have done before I got that bad, but I didn’t just do it for you I did it for me because I wasn’t treating myself the nicest either,”

Maybe you should have taken a page out of his book and gotten help, but with being a single parent, you didn’t really have time for that.

“I loved you and I still do. You said that you probably weren’t the one for me but you’ve got it so wrong,”

His words reverberate off the walls of your ear canal. This is why all of this is confusing. If he was going through something mentally, why wasn’t he honest instead of shattering you to pieces?

“You’re just saying that because there’s a baby in the picture,” you accuse.

“Ask Matt… ask Nicholas even. This has been going on since the day you left. Finding out about our daughter only solidified it even more that I want a life with you,”

There’s no way this is genuine.

“Noah, I can’t just trust y-,”

“I know. You set the pace, I will respect that,”

There.

Those words started to chip away at the walls that you’d built up. They must not have been very thick, or very strong. Or maybe Noah just had that ability.

“Do you… can I see pictures of her at least?,” He asks as if he’s nervous almost, “I get it if you don’t want to I just-,”

A part of you wanted to tell him no. You didn’t want to reveal her to him just yet. He should work a little harder to prove that he’s legitimate in his stance. A few words shouldn’t grant him this opportunity. Nevertheless, your iced out attitude began melting at his expression, showing him a couple pictures wouldn’t hurt.

“No I can,” you open your phone to your camera roll, having a whole album of her. You’ve taken pictures of her since the day you had her. She’s a beautiful baby and you suppose he could see pictures of his own child, he’s missed out on enough, hasn’t he?

“This is when she was born. I did a water birth,” you show him a picture of you holding her, umbilical cord still attached, “My medical staff was great,”

Then you slid through the album showing him other pictures absolutely adoring your daughter and how cute she is

“This is the first time she smiled at me,” you look at him and you can see the sparkle in his eyes as he stares at the screen. There was a gentle smile on his lips, registering in his mind that this little human was a piece of him.

“She’s a sweet baby. Doesn’t really cry, she’s a squealer when she laughs,”

You play videos of her giggling and babbling and he is instantly in love, seeing this look on his face stirs a guilt inside of you that you never felt before. Maybe he should have known. Things could have been resolved by now had you not been selfish.

But there’s that nagging little voice telling you that you deserved to be selfish at least once in your life. It felt like your mind was in a blender.

“What’s her name?,” he looks to you hopefully. Were you ready to give him that information? It’s silly but the more he knows, the easier it will be for him to tear down the walls you built around yourself. It’ll make it easier for him to weasel his way into the picture again and you weren’t sure yet if you wanted to keep this a co-parenting arrangement or what.

“You don’t have to tell me right now,” he sees the hesitation on your face.

“Noelle,” you answer softly, “Her name is Noelle. I named her after you. But we also call her Sunshine, Plum or Noey, that one’s new,”

He broke out in the brightest smile you’d ever seen. You missed that smile, those beautiful lips framing his beautiful teeth. It was a smile that once brought you peace that is now bringing confusion.

“That’s…,” he gives a breathy chuckle, using his fingers to press into his eyes to keep the tears at bay, “That’s lovely,”

“Yeah, look at who her mom is,” you flip your hair as a joke and suddenly the tension isn’t as heavy. You’re supposed to be icy right now but the hopeless romantic within you is fighting the broken-hearted girl. One could only guess who is winning.

“Yeah, exactly,” Noah is seen getting nervous as the conversation progresses, he doesn’t know what questions are off limits, “So what are you up to these days? You’re not at the library anymore,”

“You looked for me at the library?,” you frown. You left that place a long time ago.

“I sat out on the bench everyday for at least three months before we had to leave for tour,”

Why couldn’t he give you that energy before? Where he used to meet you outside on the bench after you got off, sometimes with a bouquet of your favorite flowers, and sometimes with your favorite take out and you’d have little date nights on the library bench. Why did that flame have to die?

Was life about to present you with new, better tools? Improved ways to bring it back? To make it a raging forest fire that can’t be put out? A lover like you can only hope.

“I work from home. With finding out about Noelle I needed something relaxed, I’m still in the field of library science. I work as an analyst,”

His eyebrows perked up, just like the first time you two ever met when you told him what you did for a living. His interest now was a big 180 from last year.

“Y/N that’s.. that’s amazing,” he leans forward, prompting you to talk about it more. You go on and on about your job, about how cool it is to you and he sat there and listened. Not once did he break eye contact, he interacted with the conversation and it felt like things were how they used to be.

“How’s the Bad Omens life?,” you ask, finally getting winded from talking about yourself.

Noah plasters a look of pride on his face. You wanted so badly to keep up with them but that would do you a disservice while trying to mend what was hurting you.

“It’s great! We’re blowing up, so many more places we can tour now, merch sales are off the hook. We have a new one dropping soon and I uh… I designed one for Noelle, I’ll just need her size,”

His words caught you off guard. How does he have something planned for her already?

“Noah,” he’s got you swooning so easily. This was your Noah.

Snap out of it, Y/N!

If he’s serious, make him work for it.

“I think it’s pretty cute! Nicholas and I brainstormed on it together, it’s a Bad Omens x Noelle exclusive,”

The laughter that escaped you was a melody Noah thought he’d never hear again. When it dies down, his mouth begins to itch with a question he’s been wondering for a long time now.

“Are you,” he clears his throat, “Are you seeing anyone?,”

Your eyes flicker at his question, adjusting in your seat. Snatching the cup of water that was on the table, looking him in his eyes when you set it down after a sip.

“I told you,” tongue in cheek, playing with your fingers to ease your mind, “I wouldn’t be able to fall in love with anyone else. You were it for me,”

You search his eyes, wanting to cry for the sole basis that you never thought you’d see them again. They were the eyes you looked to whenever you were desolate, excited, or livid. No matter what you were feeling you could simply look at him and he was always there, until he wasn’t.

“I meant it when I said I loved you and you fucking sat there and told me that you didn’t love me like you used to,”

“I don’t know why I said that-,”

“It gutted me,” anguish covers your face like a mask, trying to keep yourself from crying while that night replays in your mind like a movie, “You just sat there like it didn’t even hurt you,”

“It hurt me like you wouldn’t believe,” he persisted

“So why didn’t you try?,” your lip hurts from biting it so hard, if you don’t stop it’ll bleed soon enough, “I gave you so much of me, even up until I couldn’t, when I had nothing left and you just… sat there!,”

“I was an idiot,” he admitted, “I fucked up when I decided to love my career more than anything. I messed up when I let it weigh me down,”

“I don’t care that you loved your career, Noah. I cared whether you showed up for us or not. You did until you became complacent,”

“I know I didn’t,” he answers, “I know I didn’t try hard enough. I know I gave up too quickly and those decisions have been haunting me every fucking day. I know I made this bed but I don’t wanna lie in it anymore,”

Taking a napkin from the table to wipe your eyes, you look around to make sure no one is looking at you. You thought in your mind that you’d be stronger but deep down, you expected the tears even though it’s embarrassing to be this emotional in public.

“Were you even honest with everyone or did you make me the villain?,”

“I told them it was mutual,” he confesses in shame.

Choking on your sobs, you shake your head and just look out the window, “So you made them think I just skipped town? That’s so fucked up, Noah. I would have never done that to you,”

“I will tell them the truth,” He panicked, “I don’t know why I lied to them I just… I knew they’d make the guilt worse and I figured the damage was done. I knew if they knew the truth they’d make me reach out but after that I didn’t have the right to reach out to fix it,”

There’s a silence that floats between you two after his words. The culpability of hurting you ate at him while the heartache gnawed away at you.

Both were parasites feeding on their hosts. Ruining their lives, doing their best to reduce them to nothing.

The parasitism ends here though.

“If-” you hiccup, gathering your things, “If you want even a sliver of a chance of being in Noelle’s life… of us getting back together, of us being a family… then you’ll start with being honest with our friends,”

Noah was so anxious that he just might throw up. He wanted you back and he didn’t want to miss out on having a family. He’s missed out on enough due to his own transgressions.

It took Noah a few days to muster up the strength to tell everyone. Every time he tried, he stumbled over his words and gave up. He had to do this though, it wasn’t fair to lie on your name to save his face.

Noah found himself with the guys, all gathered for game night. Snacks spread out all over the table, Folio was high, laughing while throwing a squid at Matt on the course, fucking up Matt’s winning streak. All of them were having a good time but Noah couldn’t focus on having fun, what he was about to confess wasn’t fun by any means. After a few rounds of Mario Kart, he paused the game and sighed, many groans of dismay being heard around the living room.

“What’s your problem?,” Jolly questioned, “I was about to whoop your ass on the Bone-Dry Dunes!,”

Noah felt his breathing pick up. It was now or never.

“It wasn’t mutual,” he blurts out, heart racing in his chest, he can hear his blood rushing in his ears.

“The fuck are you talking about?,” Folio burps obnoxiously loud and Bryan kicks him for being gross about it.

“Y/N and I, the break up wasn’t mutual,” he finds his switch controller a lot more interesting than the feeling of their eyes burning holes into his skin.

“Again, that begs the question… what the fuck are you talking about?,” Matt’s voice sounds strained, like he knows and is getting irritated with the suspense.

“Before she left. I told her that I didn’t love her like I used to. I got overwhelmed with the band. I was… I got deep in my head and started to self sabotage. I neglected her and I fucked up,”

A stillness dresses the air, Noah can feel the tension. He can’t bring himself to look up and see their expressions, he’s ashamed, he should be. How did he go so long with this secret? How did he go about his life knowing he broke the trust of one of the sweetest souls that walked this Earth?

“Woah…,” Davis muttered in a daze. His single word response was enough to have all hell breaking loose.

“I’m going to kick your fucking ass!,” Nicholas threw his controller at Noah, heat from his frustration reddening his cheeks, “Are you fucking kidding me, Noah? Is that why she ran off?,”

“That’s exactly why,” he nodded, cursing at himself. He feels so embarrassed to say it out loud. This is the first he’s ever admitted this outside of therapy. These are people that mattered, people whose opinions mattered the most.

Matt sat up like he’d seen a ghost, a light bulb moment happening for him, “That’s why she didn’t tell you about the baby,”

“BABY?!,” Folio screeched, “where the fuck was I?!,” Hands stuck out as if to gesture “wtf” Folio was always ten steps behind everyone else, even when he was in the room at the time of conversations.

“You were super high, you passed out,” Jolly waved at him to shut up, turning to Noah, “You’re our brother which means I have to be honest. That is a dick ass move, Noah. She was nothing but patient with you. She loved you, supported you even when it was hard because you were gone all the time. What the fuck?,”

“She was always there no matter what you needed,” Bryan added, while it took a while for you to open up to everyone, when you did, they became your little family, “She was always there for you, always there for us,”

“I miss when she packed our lunches for the studio,” Folio sighed like he was daydreaming. Once again finding it hard to read the room.

“Not the time!,” Nicholas gritted through his teeth

“I’m just saying!,” Folio defended, “She took care of all of us,”

Nicholas stuck out his hand to shut Folio up. If there was anyone up in arms about this, it was him. They all became your family and it hurt them when you left without a word. Now that he knows the full story, it makes him livid to know it was Noah who pushed you away. This could have been avoided.

“We were worried sick about her, Noah!,” Nicholas was more upset than any of them, and that’s saying a lot, the others were quite upset, “That girl who stuttered over her words the first time she met you still stuttered after years of being with you because she loved you, because you still made her nervous! After years of being with you she was still smitten and because of the stress.. you… y-you say that shit to her?,”

Noah really had no rebuttal. He knew Nicholas was right. There were no words for him to defend himself with. It almost brought him to tears, unsettled by his own behavior and now that other people know… now that the people closest to him know- it changes everything and forces him to reflect even more.

“Instead of talking to her, talking to us to keep you from doing something so stupid- instead of doing.. anything! You pull a coward ass move!,”

Nicholas viewed you as if you were a younger sibling, taking you under his wing, understanding your reclusive personality. He was the first person you connected to outside of Noah. He had a feeling when he only ever got vague answers when asking about the break up.

“It was time I was honest. I want to make this right with her. I want a chance to see my daughter and be a dad but it starts with honesty.” Noah mumbled, “I just want her back and I want a second chance whether I deserve it or not. I want to be there for Y/N like I always should have been. I want to be there for Noelle. I’m sorry it took so long to come clean.”

“Yeah?,” Matt’s jaw clenches as he ponders what has been said. He has his own thoughts regarding the matter but Nicholas seemed to cover them all for the most part, “I hope she makes you work like hell for it!,”

All Noah can really do is agree, they’re right. He was a coward, he did take the easy way out instead of facing his own problems and insecurities, and you should make him work like hell to get you back, to earn his place in Noelle’s life.

“Noelle,” Folio trails off, giggling to himself as he says the name, “Noeeeellee,”

“Dude, shut the fuck up!,” Jolly shouted with a bit of laughter layered underneath, Folio is such an airhead, it’s hard to have serious conversations like this around him. At least it eases some tension.

“It’s a cute name!!,”

“She’s an adorable baby,” Matt confirmed, “I only got a glimpse of her but she looks just like Noah,”

“Nah,” Noah shook his head, “She has my eyes but she has the curl of Y/N’s lashes. She has my lips but she has her mama’s chin. She has my dimples but Y/N’s cheeks. She’s both Y/N and me. She’s beautiful,”

Davis scoffs, raising his eyes, “Well you better get your shit together,”

“Yeah! I’m ready to be one kick ass uncle!,”

“Shut up, Folio!,”

You had taken it upon yourself to unblock everyone, figuring that if Noah told them the truth that they’d want to reach out, which they did.

It was scary at first, Noah had been a coward but you had your cowardly moments as well. Running off and not saying a word to people who cared about you- it wasn’t the nicest thing to do. Going through this with Noah had you realizing there are some things you would have done differently. This is a time of self reflection for everyone.

Although you’d been talking with them over the last week or so, you didn’t let the conversation stray too far from how you were doing. You weren’t ready to introduce them to Noelle or the idea of her just yet, you’re sure Noah has talked about her a bunch but you didn’t want to get too close to everyone again as of right now.

Ms. Ernie and Reid have been watching Noelle while you and Noah rebuild yourselves.

Dates that you made sure to let him know weren’t ‘actual dates’, walks at the park that turned into introspective discussions. It was all a work in progress and it made Ms. Ernie’s words hit even harder, there’s a lot to learn about love and that sometimes second chances are worth it.

You made him work like hell, but he was doing pretty well. He had different plans each day you guys hung out. He was attentive. He was gentle, he even told you about what he and his therapist talked about after each session.

In reality, you could tell he was doing better. You still had some reservations and there was still a long way to go but ultimately he was making a true effort. You could see the change he was making. Granted, it was a change that should have happened a long time ago but things happen the way they’re supposed to and when they’re supposed to.

That sentiment itself was a hard pill to swallow.

Today he took you on a picnic in the park, packed your favorite foods and drinks. He was really laying it on thick, others might find it cringe but it was making your heart flutter.

“I never did thank you, for telling them the truth,” popping a grape in your mouth, “I know it wasn’t easy,”

“It needed to happen. I knew better and I shouldn’t have lied to them but most importantly, I shouldn’t have lied on you. I was a coward and that’s not who I want to be to you… or Noey,”

A pleasant hum emitted from your chest, brows raising at the nickname that left his mouth.

“That one seemed to stick, huh?,”

“Noey is different… and it’s super close to Noah,”

“Noelle is already close to Noah!,” you bicker, both of you in high spirits while you go back and forth

“Noah has four letters and so does Noey,”

“Oh you’re such a kiss ass!,” you push him and he falls over dramatically.

“Help! Someone help!,” he shouted, feigning like he was injured

“Oh my God, Noah, stop! Someone is gonna think you’re serious!,” you reach over him to cover his mouth but he licks it and you squeal

“EEUUUGHHH!! You’re so gross!!,” you yank your hand back, he’s laughing like a hyena. Eyes wrinkling, hand in his chest and head thrown back.

“You used to do that to me all the time!” Justifying his action, you stick your tongue out at him while wiping your wet palm on his cheek

“Which means you can’t steal my move!,”

It was tense the first couple of meet ups and each one gets you closer to bringing Noelle around. These past couple of times had broken the ice and it started to feel like time hadn’t passed.

“Hey uhm, are you?- do you still live at the house?”

Noah settles down, feeling the energy shift to something a little more serious.

“Yeah. Didn’t have the guts to move. Why?,”

You twist grapeless vine in your hands, afraid to say the words now that you’re feeling comfortable to bring it up. It’s about 2 months of this and Noelle is a little over 6 months now.

“I’d like to bring Noelle by,”

Noah struggled for air, coughing up his drink and you can’t help but snicker at the liquid dripping off his chin.

“What?,” his eyes are as big as saucers

“Unless you’re not ready. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed,”

“No! No, I.. Y/N you have no idea how much I would love that,”

If you weren’t mistaken, you swear you see tears welling in his eyes

“I’d love to meet my daughter,”

This was a big step for you and an even bigger one for Noah. Both of you were scared beyond your wits.

“I’d like for it to just be us and then we can work up to getting the guys to meet her? And then you can meet Ms. Ernie, Reid and his husband, Morgan,”

You had to make sure to set some ground rules, Noah responded without any issues knowing that at the end of the day- you call the shots and he has to abide by them if he wants this to work. Yet despite feeling good about all of this, there’s still a smidge of uncertainty.

“What’s on your mind?,” even after all the time spent apart, reading you was like muscle memory.

“I still feel resentful,” you look to him to see his shoulders sagging, “I know you’re tired of it,”

“I don’t expect you to get over any of this anytime soon. In a way, you’re grieving and I can’t police how long you mourn. I can only help ease it,”

You didn’t really think of what you were going through as mourning but you guess you can see the similarities. What you two had was long gone and even in the face of starting over, albeit with the same person, you were still allowed to miss how things were and feel a bit out of sorts about what happened.

“It’s just,” you watch his hands as he picks at his palms, a nervous tick he’s always had. You’re once again feeling a sort of guilt making him feel like this but it’s a price he has to pay, right? You didn’t ask to be hurt to begin with.

“Resentment is so weird. I want to forgive you, Noah. So fucking bad I want to forgive you because I can’t keep doing this with you, I wish I could forget so I could just… hug you, kiss you, hold your hand like we used to,”

“You set the pace, Y/N. I told you no matter what, I respect it. I wish I could take it all back. God, I wish there was a way for me to go back so I didn’t fuck up and hurt you,”

“And my mind is struggling to comprehend why the fuck you would do that to me,” anger bleeds into your tone.

Noah is seen blubbering like a fish out of water as he tries to find his words. You can see the cogs turning in his mind, recalling the very night he ruined what you two had.

“There’s no explanation,” he declared, there was nothing good enough to excuse why he did what he did.

“No excuse, no reasoning that will ever be good enough for what I said to you. For how I treated you. It was unacceptable and there are no words to describe how apologetic I am. All I can say is, is that I’m so thankful you’re here, even giving me this chance,”

“You were all I could think about,” turning your body to him, he needed to know the turmoil you endured, “You hadn’t touched me in almost 3 months by the night I left. I was so consumed with the stress I didn’t realize I missed my period. I went to the doctor and that’s when I heard our little girl’s heartbeat,”

It didn’t get past him that you finally said our daughter and not just “my”. At this point, he has turned to look at you, listening closely, making sure you knew he was paying attention.

“I moved to the countryside and that’s where I met Ms. Ernie and Reid. They were my people while I was managing heartbreak. Keeping myself physically and mentally healthy so I could bring Noelle into this world. You… you should have been there Noah, you could’ve been there,”

“I know,” he blinks, tears falling down his cheeks just like yours were, “I missed out on so much because I couldn’t get my own shit together,”

“I took that pain and restructured it to fuel me so I could be the best parent I could be. I never thought I’d be sitting here in front of you. I never expected to see you again. Ever. But despite all the alarm bells, I am so fucking glad I am because I missed you, Noah. But I hate you so much at the same time,”

His face fashioned that of anguish at your last few words. It was hurting him but he didn’t look away from you, he didn’t hide his eyes, he’s now feeling what you felt that night and then some.

The anxiety. The fear, the fucking aching that burned from his gut all the way up into his throat. The pounding in his head, the heat that blanketed his skin. He can’t believe he did this to you. He can’t believe he sat across from you at the table that night, watching you fall apart and still said what he said.

“I don’t know how you expect us to rebuild anything,” your voice flows into his ears and he can feel his chest tightening, finding it harder to keep his breathing at a normal pace.

“Hell, I don’t even know how I expect us to rebuild anything but I’m going to try because that’s what you should have done!,”

“I-I know. Fuck, I.. I’m aware,” taking a deep breath to try to swallow his cries.

“I’m going to do what you couldn’t do,” a wild fire burns behind your eyes and he realizes this is a new you. The soft spoken Y/N is still there but this version of you takes no shit. You have a daughter now, you had to build tough skin

“I’m going to prove to you that fighting for what you want isn’t a lost fucking cause. I’m going to show you that no matter what is going on in your head, no matter what the voices are telling you- that I am here and I will be here until we are dust returned to the universe, Noah,”

You hated to see the way he dug his fingernails into his palms and you wanted nothing more than to grab his hands to massage the tension and cramps away.

“I know this is eating at you,” you whisper, “For the longest time I wanted it to. But not anymore,”

A great tremor overtook him, flexing his jaw to ease the ache from clenching it so hard. He had to break eye contact just this once to look up at the sky to will the tears away.

“Just take a page out of my book and take what you’re feeling to change and be better. No more apologies. Don’t be sorry, be better,”

“You sure you got everything?,” Reid packed your diaper bag into the front while you buckled Noelle into her carseat.

“Yeah I got my cooler for the bricks. My pump, extra clothes, extra wipes-,” you continue to list other items and at this point you’re not listing them to Reid, you’re listing them because you’re scared. 

“You got this,” Ms. Ernie kisses your cheek and you look at her with worry, “Don’t look at me like that. You both are going to be okay. He’s been groveling for weeks on end, he’s been respectful, if you want to back out I’m sure he’d understand?,”

“No! No. I think I’m ready. She’s already 6 months old now, he deserves this much,” It’s crazy to think that you’ve been at this with Noah for about a few months now.

You’re wrapped in an embrace of them both, Reid whispering words of reassurance as he pulls away, helping you settle in the car.

“Let us know when you get there, okay?,” Ms. Ernie waves from her front step.

You assure her that you’ll do just that. A lively wave is sent their way as you pull out of the driveway to make it to a house that you once called home, a house that could have been a home for Noelle. 

You didn’t need a GPS, you’d never forget the way there even if you tried. You could drive there blindfolded. The drive really wasn’t that long and a part of you wishes it was because when you pull up your stomach is full of butterflies. 

He’s probably nervous too. Don’t stress about it. As if he was waiting by the door, he’s out on the porch, wiping his hands on a paper towel when you exit your vehicle.

“Need help with anything?,” a nervous smirk across his face, he looks like he’s going to throw up at any second.

“Wanna grab the diaper bag and cooler?,”

He didn’t give a verbal answer. He was already down the steps and to your car before you finished asking. You grabbed Noelle’s carrier and waited for him to get the other items. Seeing him with the lavender diaper bag on his shoulder stirred a feeling inside of you. He looked like a dad, he looked good. A yearn made itself present in your body, you just wanted to be a family.

“Follow me,” 

You could tell he was excited, excited but tense. He didn’t want to fuck this up. 

Once you’re settled in the house, he heads upstairs, mumbling that he’ll be right back. When taking your jacket off to hang it on the second hook on the back of the door, you realize the hook still has your name on it. He never took it off, this was your hook, everyone knew not to hang their things on it. And beside yours, you see one for Noelle. Noah, Y/N and Noelle. Your fingers brush against the names and a smile creeps on your face.

“I know she probably already has one but I figured it would be nice if she had one here. She’ll probably end up falling asleep depending on how long you stay,”

You turn around to see a lavender playpen with her name on the side.

“In a lot of the videos and pictures you showed me, she’s wearing lavender so..,”

“Noah,” you coo, stepping over to him, “That’s so sweet,” 

You turn to Noelle in her carrier and unbuckle her, “If you wanna go wash your hands, you can hold her,”

“Yeah?,” his eyes lit up like a little kid on Christmas. He didn’t even wait for you to answer before he’s jogging into the kitchen to scrub his hands clean. About a good minute later he’s rushing back in but he seems hesitant. 

“Don’t worry,” you assure him, “I show her pictures just like I show you pictures. She knows you. She won’t really be fussy” 

You cradle her while handing her over to him.

“She likes to be held like this, just support her neck,” 

Noah takes her from you softly, his large hands make her seem so small, even at six months. He stares at her in awe and sits down gently. Noelle babbles at him, waving her hands and smiling. 

“Hiii, baby girl,” 

You can hear the tears as he speaks to her and you take a seat beside him, not bothered by how close you were.

“I’m your papa,” he chokes on his words, caressing her cheek with the back of his finger, “You’re so beautiful just like your mama,”

There weren’t many words said as Noah soaked in this moment with you watching. His breath is silently hitching from his tears but he only cries harder when Noelle reaches out and touches his cheek, seemingly wiping a tear away.

Noah sits back on the sofa, setting his feet flat on the cushion so he could lay Noelle on his thighs so that she was sitting up.

“You’re so sweet,” he kisses her hand, causing her to squeal and giggle. He looks to you with wide eyes and a bright smile

“You were right!,” 

“I told you!!,” you lean closer and watch the way Noelle is taking in the moment as well. She stares at Noah with a look of bewilderment, she’s never been around him physically yet relaxes into him like she’s known him since day one. She knows that’s her papa.

“Thank you,” he says simply, “I’m far from deserving but thank you so much, Y/N,”

“You deserve to be a dad, Noah. And she deserves one,”

“I won’t fuck this up,”

“You better not,” you poke his cheek, “Because she needs you… we both do,”

You let Noah record videos of him and her, letting him make up for lost time. He carefully danced around the living room with her while playing happy baby songs.

“I heard songs like this make them happy!,” he insisted. Each time she squealed he hugged her tighter, absolutely adoring the sound of his baby laughing with him. You couldn’t help but record some videos of your own, wanting to look back at this moment. 

The foundation still needed some work but what is life without the effort? What’s love without effort? He said he wouldn’t screw it up this time and you’re holding him to his word.

“She’s down for bed,” Noah comes down the stairs, heading to the kitchen to return with two mugs 

“She’s never fallen asleep that fast,” taking a mug from him, you smell your favorite tea in the way he used to make it. 

“Does she wake you up throughout the night? I can be on baby duty so you can rest. U-unless you planned on going home tonight. I can drive you home, I don’t want you driving while you’re tired,” he offered.

“Can we stay?,” circling the rim of your cup, finding the heat from your tea comforting. 

“You two always have a place here,” he sets the baby monitor on the table and takes a sip of his coffee. He was always a late night coffee drinker, at least it was decaf, he just liked the taste. 

There was a comfortable lull that fell over you two and sitting on this very couch in this living room felt like home, like you belonged here. You made a home out of the cabin in the countryside but *this… this is where you felt like you were meant to be. Drinking your warm beverages on the couch while your child slept, simply enjoying each other’s company.

Noah randomly stands up and turns the tv on. He’s getting a game console, plugging it up and connecting the remotes. You’re watching in confusion while he does this all as if he’s on a mission. 

Once he gets everything connected he pulls out a game case. 

Michael Jackson: The Experience

“Nooaaaaaah,” you say suspiciously, “What are you doing?,” setting your cup on the side table, you watch with a questioning frown when he moves the coffee table

“Stand up,” insisting with a wide grin, he takes your hand despite your wariness

“What are we doing, Sebastian?” 

“We’re putting all those nights practicing with the music videos to use. I scored these at a yard sale and figured we could dance to some good ole Michael like we used to,” 

He hands you a Wii remote and the butterflies erupt again, spotting the same broken lampshade that he still hasn’t gotten rid of. 

“You think you still got it?,” you tease, wrapping the band around your wrist. 

He scoffs loudly, rolling his eyes, “You wish I lost it,” 

“Put your money where your mouth is,” 

He side eyes you with a little smirk, choosing the song he wanted to dance to. You expected Thriller, hell maybe even Ghosts. But he surprised you when he chose Do You Remember the Time

“If I win. I get to take you out on a romantic date,” he sighs triumphantly, he knows since you two started to rebuild something new, you didn’t want to get too romantic just yet.

“Okay,” you nod confidently, much to his surprise, “But if I win… you’re on baby duty for a night. That means getting up to feed her, change her diaper, cuddle-,”

“All I’m seeing is a win-win situation here,” turning back to the screen he hits play, “Bring your A game. I’ve been practicing for this very moment,” 

He says it as if he’s joking but he was serious. This was a song you two spent many nights listening to, belting it at the top of your lungs during late night drives, to dancing in the kitchen to it after date night. 

This little gesture may seem like just a night of dancing to a game to you but it was much more to him. So when the gold room appeared on the screen after picking your characters, he became timorous.

The beat begins and you feel a little silly following the movements at first. You hadn’t danced with Noah in ages but he probably feels just as goofy. You notice him missing a few beats and peak to see him adoring you, the way your nose crinkles when you smile, the way your eyes move across the screen, trying to focus.

“You’re not gonna win if you keep staring at me, Sebastian!,” 

“Fuck!,”

~Do you remember when we fell in love? We were young and innocent then~

You trip over your feet as the dance begins to incorporate footwork, glaring at Noah when you hear him laughing at you.

~Do you remember, back in the fall? We’d be together all day long~

You bend your knees and shimmy your feet along the carpet while Noah stands tall and moves in the opposite direction over you. Feeling him this close, despite just playing a game, had your heart palpitating. 

You never thought you’d have nights like this again. With anyone, let alone Noah. 

You hear Noah singing to himself while he follows the dance moves to a T, seeing his score get higher than yours had you ready to wreck his streak.

“Do you remember the time when weeee first met, girl?” He sang obnoxiously while looking at you, purposely singing off key. You snicker at his expressions, missing a move but you can’t bring yourself to care. 

Noah seemed so carefree and comfortable in this moment that it started to overshadow what had once hurt you, somewhat putting it on the back burner. 

~Those sweet memories, will always be dear to me~

You and Noah are now face to face, chest to chest, you two seemed to forget the game. Both of you breathing heavily from laughing and going all out on the dance moves.

“You’re gonna lose,” you pipe up, turning around to focus back on the game. You knew that if you stood there any longer you’d have kissed him. 

Noah seemed to snap out of his daze, immediately hopping back into where he was. You have to squat in front of him for the next move and it seems to last forever, feeling the burn like you’re in the gym.

“Oh my God!,” groaning in relief when you’re finally able to move from your position but the relief doesn’t last long when you’re made to go back, moving your arms up and feeling his hands touch yours. 

It sounds dramatic but you swear you feel a little tingle when he touches you. Maybe it was static or maybe it was the fact you missed his touch. A sensation that you felt so safe in, so comfortable and loved. 

You two slide away from each other, swinging your arms back and forth. You’re still following the screen but Noah decides to freestyle. Falling to his knees to sing the song to you, you’d worry about waking Noelle up but she was a deep sleeper. 

“Do you remember girl?,” he holds his fists up, singing passionately, “On the phone! You and me!! Till dawn, 2 or 3. What about us, GIRL!!,” 

You can’t help but throw your head back in entertainment at his dramatics. He was a performer for sure.

“Do ya, do ya, do ya, do ya- in the park, on the beach! You and me, in Spain! What about, what about- rrrap tap tap, rrrap tap tap!,”

His ad libs bounce off the walls and you’re losing it.

“You look insane!,” you say over his off-key singing. 

He continues to sing despite your judgment, standing up and grabbing you by the shoulders, shaking you playfully

“Yeah! Yeah! Wooo!!,” 

The game is now complete and you fall back on the couch to catch your breath.

“I freestyled and I STILL won!,” he claps and points at you, “Pick out your prettiest dress, doll face because we’re going on a DATE!,” 

He stands in front of you, hands on his hips in victory and all you can do is cherish the view.

“Come here,” you stand before him, hearing your heart pound in your ears as he steps forward until his chest is level with your eyes, his famous chain glinting in the light on the room.

“What’s up?,” the confidence he just displayed was now replaced with diffidence. 

“You better not hurt me again,” it was strange being this close to him, “If you hurt me you’ll not only lose me but Sunshine as well and I don’t want that for her. So if this is going to happen- you talk to me when your insecurities set in. You talk to me before you self sabotage. You talk to me no matter what so that you continue to show up for our little girl. Do you understand me?,”

Noah nods his head so quickly that you think it just might fall off and roll away.

“I understand. I won’t make the same mistake twice. I love you and I love our baby. I was a fool to fuck up the first time. I won’t be that again,” 

“Good,” you nod, stepping away before patting his cheek with a sly grin.

“Because you’re on baby duty tonight,” 

His jaw drops at your antics, he doesn’t mind really. He’s starting to feel like an actual father now.

“But I won!!,”

You wake up abruptly to Noelle screeching, a type of cry you’ve never heard before and you turn to see Noah’s spot empty. Scrambling to get out of bed, you rush downstairs to see him panicking, tears in his eyes and red in the face

“I’m sorry,” he muttered to her, frantically trying to calm her 

“What happened??,” you kept your composure, not wanting to stress him out anymore than he already is. He hands you Noelle and he pulls at his roots, absolutely distraught and upset with himself.

“She was hungry and I… I heated up her milk for too long. Fuck, Y/N I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-,”

“Noah,” a soft hand on his chest, “It happens. She’s okay,” 

“I made her cry,” 

“She’s okay,” you reassure, “See,” you wipe her tears and she’s just left whimpering now.

You take his hand to sit him down at the table and give Noelle back to him despite his fear

“Don’t tense up. She’ll feel it and become fussy. Relax,” 

He took heed to your words, relaxing so that Noelle could follow suit.

“I should have put a brick in the fridge to thaw,” you mention, “I usually do if I know I’ll be too tired to breastfeed but I was exhausted so it slipped my mind. A brick will usually thaw in the fridge overnight and when it’s time, just set it in a cup of warm water for a few minutes and you’ll be good to go,” 

You take her bottle and run it under some cool water, testing it on your wrist, deeming it cool yet warm enough for her to drink. You sit beside Noah and hand him the bottle. 

“Here, you’re all set. 45 degree angle while she drinks,” you instruct. He follows your words and Noelle hums around the bottle, cuddling into Noah’s shirtless chest, “She likes skin to skin contact while feeding. Now she’ll really know you’re her papa,” 

You realize this is the same table he broke your heart at, tracing the pattern of the mahogany wood. You wouldn’t let that night haunt you anymore. Here’s to new memories. Now, this table will be remembered as the table that he fed your daughter for the first time, a learning experience for him. 

“I’m so sorry for hurting you, honey,” he whispered to her, kissing her forehead while her eyes fluttered sleepily, “I’m still learning but it won’t happen again,” 

You know his words were directed to you as well, finding solace in the reassurance. 

Once you teach him to burp her, the three of you make your way upstairs and back to bed.

“You can put her in the crib,” climbing into the bed that was once yours to claim. He took the time to build her crib and didn’t even wanna put her in it.

“I will once I’m ready to sleep, I just want to spend time with her is all,” 

Despite the infant sleeping, he wasn’t ready to put her down. His hair was thrown all over his head, his eyes here heavy but he was willing to fight sleep just to hold her in his arms for as long as he could. 

“I missed out on enough, I just wanna hold her,” 

“Okay,” you nod, sitting up and scooting closer to rest your head on his shoulder, “Sing, you are my sunshine, to her. It’s her favorite song and I think she would like to hear it from you,” 

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,” he begins with ease, “You make me happy, when skies are grey. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away,” 

“You are my star shine,” you add in, “My only star shine,” 

You reach over to hold her small hand, resting your hand on his chest,

“I love you so much, each night and day,” 

Noah leans his head on yours, finding comfort in the words you sing. 

“You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my star shine away,” 

You look up to Noah, refusing to move your head off his shoulder so he rears back to look at you, your face being illuminated by the little nightlight you had plugged in for Noelle.

“You are my love shine, my only love shine,” he sings lowly, surprising you that he even knows the third verse of the nursery rhyme, “I miss you so much when you’re away,” 

The smile that appeared on your face was one he’ll never forget, especially when you begin to harmonize with him quietly, watching the way Noelle snuggles into his chest as if she can’t get close enough to him. 

“You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you,” you two sing together, curling into him even more when he plants a kiss on the crown of your head.

“Please don’t take my love shine awaaaay,” 

Days had passed since that night. You and Noah alternate every couple of nights of whose place to stay at. He finally got the pleasure of meeting Ms. Ernie and Reid officially, offering his gratitude to the people who kept you and Noelle safe when he fell short. Despite his own shortcomings, they welcomed him with open arms. 

Reid currently had Noelle in the living room, both of them watching some cartoon movie while Ms. Ernie helped you with your hair, preparing for the night Noah had planned for you. 

“Do I look like I’m trying too hard?,” you turn to her, concern painted all over your face.

“You look like a beautiful youngin who is about to steal the heart of the love of their life,” 

“You flatter me,”

“Well it’s true,” she boops your nose and tucks your hair behind your ear, “You’re going to have fun!,” 

Noah wouldn’t exactly tell you what he had planned. He just said to dress in something comfortable and cute, so you stepped out of your comfort zone, going with a light floral dress, styling your hair to your comfort and a light face of makeup. 

When you heard the doorbell to your cabin go off, your stomach sank.

“Oh goodness!!,” turning to the smiling woman above you, “He’s here!! He’s 10 minutes early!,”

A light rumble comes from her, shaking her head and standing you up, “You would have still freaked out even if he showed up on time. Head up there!,”

You didn’t have time to respond due to the doorbell ringing again. A nervous Noah stood on the other side, worried that maybe you changed your mind. When the door swung open, both of you were speechless. 

You stood there, radiant as ever with Noelle in your arms. A nervous grin framed your teeth and Noah watched as you rubbed Noelle’s back, not for her comfort but for yours. You were antsy. Just as beautiful as the first day he met you when he knocked your bus token out of your hand.

Noah stood there in a plain, white shirt tucked into a pair of sleek black joggers. You noticed he cut his hair, cutting the sides short and keeping the top longer. He recreated the outfit he wore when you two first bumped into each other.

“Hi,” your throat tight around the simple word.

“H-hi,” he had a hand behind his back and stuck the other out, “Nice to meet you, my name is Noah,” 

You frown at his words until you realize this is a reintroduction.

“Hi, Noah. My name is Y/N and it’s wonderful to meet you,” 

Both of you are similar to giddy teenagers falling in love for the first time. He handed you a bouquet of your favorite flowers and you were quick to gasp. You loved flowers, you loved it even more when he gifted them to you.

Inviting him in, Noelle was quick to reach for him and he spun her around while you retrieved the glass milk bottle you received from Ms. Ernie to use as a vase.

“Looking gooooood!,” the elderly woman entered the room and pinched Noah’s cheek lightly.

“I can clean up nice!,” 

Reid entered the space and gave his compliments to the both of you and caught sight of the flowers, nudging Noah.

“Nice choice,” he whispered.

Once both of you give Noelle a ton of kisses, Noah takes your hand and guides you out to the car so you all could get your evening started.

“You gonna tell me what you have planned yet?,” hounding him as he begins to drive. 

“Dinner,” he answers, a smirk on his face to tell you that it wasn’t just dinner.

“Why so cryptic?” you poke him

“Relaaaaax,” he reaches over to grab your hand and squeeze. The two of you missing this simple gesture, feeling safe like this, like all will be okay, it will- but you’ll never get tired of the warm feeling of security. 

Noah took you out to your favorite restaurant, a nice night of expensive wine and taking bites of the other’s food. A bunch of blushing, a bunch of butterflies, laughter and unspoken I love yous. 

Now you find yourself with your hand in his, strolling downtown, him insisting that the night isn’t over. When you stop walking, you peer up to him and see an uncertain smirk on his face. Looking up to the sign on the building, you see what he had planned.

“Kiln of Sunshine,” you read aloud, “Couple’s pottery?”

All he does is laugh at your surprise and leads you inside. There aren’t many couples but it’s a nice intimate place. Dim lights strung up on the ceiling, custom printed aprons with your names on it, which he helps you put on and tie. 

When you’re directed to your designated spots, he sits behind you while you sit in front of the wheel.

“Welcome to the Kiln of Sunshine! We are a couple of potters who met through our love of art,” a young woman stands in front of the class, it’s hard to listen when Noah is so close like this. He still makes you so damn nervous.

“We created this abode to help other couples not only find a new hobby, but also grow together by means of communication and teamwork through making art!” The woman’s husband added with excitement. 

You look over your shoulder to see Noah already looking at you

“You look so beautiful,” he whispers. You have to tuck your chin into your shoulder to hide the fact your face was burning up at his compliment. 

The couple teaching gives you all step by step instructions to begin and then it’s just you and Noah left to your own devices. They gave you the guidelines but now it’s up to you and Noah to decide what you two create.

Much like a relationship. 

“Here, let’s try this,” Noah’s large, clay covered hands form to yours, his chin resting on your shoulder, “Pinch here,”

“Maybe we should coil instead,” suggesting lightly. 

“Okay, yeah,” he nods, taking in your point of view, “I think it’ll turn out better that way,”

Noah hands you the wet sponge, watching the way your tongue sticks out from your lips as you concentrate. 

“I brought us here because I came to a lot of conclusions during our time apart,” his body frames yours like a puzzle piece, after a while, instead of you taking the lead, you let his hands guide yours now.

“Yeah?,” 

“Pottery teaches us a lot about accepting faults- appreciating the imperfections and flaws that can turn into something beautiful,” he moves your hands to pinch the clay in certain spots and watch your piece come to life. 

“Furthermore, we have patience and persistence- pottery, like relationships, demands patience at every turn. To keep going in the face of difficulties, even if you don’t see the results right away. It takes time to mold something beautiful” 

Noah kept going and you’d be lying if his words weren’t tear jerking. While you two were rekindling, you had some introspective moments of your own. Realizing that there are some things you could have done differently yourself. Especially since finding out about the mental battles he was facing during the last few months of your relationship, which caused him to break it off.

You were so caught up in your own mind that you didn’t realize Noah’s actions were due to the fact that it wasn’t Noah- he pulled back from you because he was trying to figure his own labyrinthine mind out, that’s why he kept asking for time, he just felt ashamed to say it out loud. 

Both of you got time, even if it wasn’t in the most ideal form.

“I’m still learning and growing and I know I have a long way to go for you to fully trust me because of those faults, but I’m patient and I’m not going anywhere,” 

You felt him kiss your shoulder, causing goosebumps to flourish on your skin.

“Well… maybe we won’t need the water bowl to wet the sponge anymore since you’ve got me crying over here!,” 

The laughter that erupts from the two of you is boisterous, providing comedic relief in the midst of him expressing his emotions. 

“You two are doing great over here!!,” the instructor complimented the piece the two of you were crafting.

You felt the swell of pride in your chest because whether she was talking about your pottery piece or not, you and Noah are doing great.

The night progressed beautifully. You had to leave your piece at the place overnight so it could get fired and glazed before you took it home to decorate yourselves. So, Noah took you on a stroll, your hand in his, taking in the view of the pretty lights set up downtown. Finding yourselves in front of the big fountain in the center, you stick your hand out to him

“C’mon, big money. Hand over a quarter,” 

He quickly digs in his pocket and hands you a shiny coin in which you hold up to your mouth, whispering to it before throwing it in the fountain. The light plopping sound it made was satisfying to you.

“What did you wish for?,”

You notice him taking his shoes and socks off, rolling up his pant legs and you feel suspicion rising in your belly.

“That would beat the purpose of a wish!,” 

“Take your shoes off,” 

“No! I know what you’re about to do and I spent too much time on my hair and make up!,”

Noah sat you down on the edge of the fountain, removing your shoes for you

“You know that you don’t need your makeup and hair all done up for me to find you absolutely breathtaking… right?,” 

He gives you no time to reply before he’s standing you up and bringing you into the fountain, twirling you around under the raining streams. 

“Noah we’re gonna get in trouble!!,” squealing in his arms, trying to get out of them. He sets you down but before you can scold him, his wet hands are framing your face to pull you in for the long awaited kiss that he’s been wanting to give you since the day you left. 

You felt like you were in a movie. The hopeless romantic that lived within you was thriving. You were stuck in your spot for a second, realizing that since starting over, this is your first kiss and he made it so damn romantic. Pulling him in by his shirt, your lips follow his, flowing with the same desire and unspoken words.

I’m sorry.

I forgive you.

We’re going to be okay.

I don’t hate you

I love you.

I always will.

Damning your own instinctive need to breathe, you pull away from him, pressing your fingertips to your lips, still completely shocked by it all.

“I’m sorry I just… I couldn’t fight it anymore,” he looked so ethereal, wet hair sticking to his face, droplets on his cheeks and big, brown eyes staring back at you with blown pupils.

“Until the day we are returned to dust to the universe, I will love you and cherish you. I will be what I should have always been. And even then… even after we are just dust- I will find you in another timeline and continue to be that and more”

Life is a beautiful thing now. It was no longer grey and neither of you felt like you were just getting by, you were finally living. 

You didn’t want to give up your cabin, so despite all the memories the house back in the city had, you two decided to make more memories out here.

Your house was full now, filled with friends you missed dearly, all of them soaking up time with Noelle, getting used to being uncles. 

“Nuh uh!,” Noah shouts, “Folio, wash your hands before holding her,” 

“What the hell! I just did!!,” he defended, arms halfway out, ready to reach for his niece.

“Not long enough! Sing happy birthday twice if you have to- and don’t swear around my daughter!,” 

Noah fit the dad role real well. He was proud to be the father of your child. He doted on Noelle, always took pictures with her, sang to her (a lot better than you ever did) and though Noah had a love for the city, he loved being out here with you two, taking her on daily walks around the countryside while you tended to the chickens and garden. 

You thought he’d put up a bigger fight due to his career but- things were simple out here and being out here made him feel normal and domestic. This is what life was always supposed to feel like and it’s what the two of you had always envisioned. 

“Everyone get ready, dinner’s almost finished!,” Ms. Ernie hollered. She loved the guys, it didn't take long for her to warm up to people and just like she took you under her wing, she did the same for them. She even listens to their music now, she says Hedonist is her favorite. 

Folio doesn’t care to make his plate now that he has Noelle, making her squeal and laugh at his silly faces. 

Matt bumps you as he moves past you to get a drink out of your fridge, “I told you he wouldn’t take her from you,” 

“You only get one ‘I told you so’ in our friendship and you used it well. Thanks, Matty,” 

During the time you and Noah were reconnecting, you had to rebuild your friendships with the guys as well. You and Matt now have your farmer’s market dates back. You, Jolly, Davis and Folio have your bowling on Thursday nights while you and Bryan go to the movies every Tuesday because they’re half off. And Nicholas- the one who truly is like a brother, both of you had your chess game that you abandoned but he kept the board set in hopes that one day you’ll come back. 

He taught you how to play ages ago and when you finally got the hang of it, you two matched all the time, some matches going for days, this match being the longest ever due to a hiatus. 

He had the board with him, setting it up on the counter, both of you moving your pieces throughout the day.

“I know how to beat you,” staring at the board, he comes to stand beside you.

“Yeah?,” grinning as if he wasn’t about to lose.

“You have nowhere to go, Nicky,” you pick your Queen up, moving her to h5, threatening his f7. You watch him frown at your movements and you have to hide the smirk on your face. If you win, you’ll no longer be tied. 

You move your Queen to take his f7 and you check his king.

“No!,”

“Checkmate!,” clapping in victory, you jump up and down, “I still got it!!,”

“You got lucky!,” 

Despite him losing, he was always a good sport. He did teach you after all.

After dinner, Reid provided dessert, topped with a delicious honey glaze he made from his bees. Matt started a fire pit outside which left only you, Noah and Noelle in the kitchen as you two arranged to put her down for bed. He had her wrapped up against his chest while you prepared his coffee and your tea.

Noelle cooed against his chest, eyes fluttering and trying to fight sleep.

“I love you,” he searched your face, feeling blessed that he can say the words to you again. Your eyes sparkle in the warm light of the kitchen, feeling blessed to hear those words once again. You’ll never get tired of hearing it, especially because it’s all different now. It’s healthier, happier.

“And I love you,” of course you do- it was muscle memory. 

After lightly clinking your mugs together, your eyes catch sight of the fruit bowl you and Noah made in your pottery class. Your painted hand print on one side, his on the other and Noelle’s in the middle with 4 simple words written across it.

You are my Sunshine.

Stepping closer to him, his arm wrapped around your shoulder, the two of you stood in silence just enjoying each other’s presence. Finding joy in the laughter of your loved ones outside. 

All is well and always will be. Ms. Ernie was right. Sometimes second chances are worth it. 

“Thanks for adding to the sunshine instead of taking it away,”

Noah could hear the relief in your voice that things turned out for the better. He’d never give this up. Home isn’t a place, home is this moment right here and every moment after.

“Until we are dust returned to the universe.”

First and foremost i wanted to thank everyone for their patience while i worked on this!! this story means so much to me and i am grateful for the love i received on part one and hope you all enjoy this part even if it’s a little long!!!

Please be sure to reblog and comment as it helps us writers out a lot!!!

much love!

~Berry 🫐

tags: @dravenskye @babs-96 @tech-depression-inventory @magnificentstrawberryomen @mrscevans @tinyfairies @mxddymay @themorticians-world @rainy-darling @lma1986 @darknightstarryeyes @thisbicc @lilhobgobbler @lovethe-void @cind6547 @flowery-mess @widowsofchaos @abiomens @amelia-acero @collapsedglasshouses @poppy-in-the-woods @rostoken @dkxxm @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @fadingintothegrey @blairboo

[bountycancelled]

house of cards (a challengers au)

requested: no, but send challengers reqs I BEG !

warnings: none :)

content: tension I guess? readers kind of a go with the flow typa gyal, but the flow is sometimes manipulative and evil so... tashi and art both play (different games but they still play) patrick is a loser, but he's my loser so it's okay lowercase intended, unedited.

a/n: back after like a half year hiatus, and im on my challengers bullshit, hope you enjoy this cuz I wrote in a day lol

¤

¤

"you know, sometimes it feels like you hate me." the words leave your lips before you can stop them, coming out of your mouth with the kind of instantaneous honesty you learnt during your many years around tashi. admiring her, envying her, loving her, and hating her all the same.

she raises an amused brow, the sides of her mouth quirking up in a half smile. she probably thinks it's funny, your train of thought. you're in her dorm right now, laying on her bed with your head rested against her shoulder while some episode of some show serves as background noise. and yet, you seem unsure that she even wants you here.

but the one thing you can count on tashi to know, is what she wants. so if she's sure that she doesn't hate you, you should be too. "I don't hate you. I love you, more than usual, honestly."

that shouldn't make your stomach flip in the way it does, but you've always been a little like a hungry dog waiting to be thrown a bone when it came to affection, from anyone really (a problem that you thought you were working on effectively, you weren't.) but mostly tashi, who's affection was about as rare as the sight of her not playing tennis. well, maybe that comparison was in poor taste after the injury, but anyway.

"why is that?" you hope you don't come off as eager as you are to hear what you've done to further place yourself in her good graces (you do, but don't worry, tashi thinks it's cute.)

"you're the only one who still plays tennis with me. real tennis." she nudges you off of her shoulder as she speaks, forcing you to look at her, leaving you to tackle that feeling that always seemed to arise whenever she was close. a feeling that would rather die that put a name to.

god, you were such a tryhard when it came to her. you let her tell you about her escapade with the notorious 'fire and ice' duo, art and patrick. you assured that it was totally okay to pit two friends against each other for the prospect of getting her, you nodded along when patrick came out victorious, and you comforted her when she eventually broke it off.

and the cherry on top of this absolutely miserable sundae of yours, you played exactly the same way you used to play with her, because you knew it was what she wanted, and anything she wanted, you'd give it to her.

and she knew that, of course. one of the reasons she kept you around.

she brought her face close to yours, so close, closer, closer... before turning your own face to plant a kiss on your cheek, deciding to pay attention to the show you two had put on her laptop, completely shattering what you thought had been a moment between you and her. not the first time she's done that, not the last time you'll think that.

you inhale and exhale deeply, willing yourself to not spend the whole night picking that last ten seconds of that interaction apart, trying to analyse if you were running on pure delusion, or if something had been there, between you two.

but you do anyway, and you don't come to a solid conclusion. when it comes to tashi, you never do.

¤

¤

your run in with patrick is unexpected, but what is expected is just how fucking miserable he looks. you debate just leaving the diner all together, finding another place to eat. hell, not eating at all would be better than whatever conversation you could possibly have with the ex boyfriend of your best friend. the poor thing is still wearing that grey 'I told ya' shirt, and it's evident that he isn't taking any of this well.

you understand both of them, patrick blames himself (it's not his fault, at least not to you) and tashi needed someone to blame. there's a small part of you thats just glad you weren't the one that she chose, but it's small, and the bigger parts of you just want to pull patrick into a hug, but you're unsure of how appropriate that would be. unsure of if he would even want that from you. because you're not actually on his side, you'd never be on the side opposing tashi, and patrick knows that.

that doesn't stop his eyes from lighting up in hopeful recognition as he spots you awkwardly lingering by the entrance, and now you have to go and sit with him because you are not about to kick a dog while it's down. you flag down a waiter and order for yourself, turning to face him with a pensively worried expression.

"are you... okay?"

patrick laughs at your words, not because he thinks it's funny that you ask. (even in the event that you're just pretending to care, he's just thankful that you humoured him by sitting down) he laughs because he knows that you know that he's not. even if the two of you were strangers, you'd sense his misery from the second you entered and took one look at him.

"never better. foods here." he changes the topic swiftly, and you're starving, so you don't try to redirect it, stuffing your face almost as unapologetically as he is. but once the food finishes and you await the bill, you take another long look at him, and the sadness in his eyes make your heart ache.

you don't owe anything to patrick, but for whatever reason, you find yourself reaching for his hand, holding it in your own and giving it a comforting squeeze, smiling back at him sympathetically when he flashes you a grateful half smile.

maybe it's the unique circumstances of the breakup, or his sad brown eyes, or that one time you two played a "friendly" game right before him and tashi got together (the looks he gave you from across the court would be misplaced, but tennis was intrinsically sexy, and so was patrick, so you tried not to overthink it. tried.)

or maybe it's the emalgumation of every look that would make you squint curiously at him, every casual touch that would last too long because patricks patrick, every tipsy kiss on the cheek, or shoulder squeeze, but after you two leave the diner (he pays, and you feel bad about it, but don't comment further.) but when you face each other outside the establishment, the sunset painting the sky, you pull him into a hug.

the hug feels... far too intimate for two friends (were you still friends? you weren't sure.) but, whatever. he's hurt, grieving the loss of someone that would surely break you if you lost them and the loss of his own best friend, so you're not gonna judge. he wraps his arms around you slowly, hiding his face away in the crook of your neck, holding you so gently that a passerby would think that you're the one being comforted.

you tell him to call you if he ever feels lonely, immediately regretting your language because it sounds like you wanna fuck him, but he understands what you meant. and then, you say your goodbyes.

you don't tell tashi about that interaction. and you don't think you will.

¤

¤

your run in with art isn't intentional, but he's grateful for it.

he knows that you and tashi usually run drills together at the courts on saturdays, its not crowded since everyone is in their dorms trying to piece themselves together after a shitty week. but he also knows that tashi needs to rest right now, so you'd most likely be alone. but he doesn't strike then, the racket in your hand will make you too focused, he knows that all too well. you'd be giving him one word answers, barely paying him any mind and probably wanting him to fuck off as soon as possible.

so while he's wracking his brain, thinking of another opportunity to find a way in with you, because being closer to you meant being even closer to tashi, he's seconds away from getting on his knees and praising the gods above when he sees in the cafeteria, alone.

him being there for her when the injury happened was simply happenstance, and he was lucky in a roundabout sort of way, getting to comfort tashi and hopefully building a good image of himself in your mind, because you were there too, of course.

but that wouldn't cut it. he needed to be truly in with you, and he needed a new best friend anyway, he'd basically sold his last one off, so this was a two birds, one stone kind of situation.

you don't look up when art sits in front of you. because one, you know its him, he has the nervous kind of energy whenever he's around you, different to the kind of nervous energy he has when tashis around, but you can still sniff him out regardless. and two, you're still feeling shitty about that whole... thing with patrick, too shitty to care that blondies over here in front of you, trying to get in with tashi.

"they stale or something?" he asks, his smile stupidly warm and inviting as he points towards the cheese fries on your plate, completely untouched. you shoot air through your nose, smiling despite yourself before giving him a response. "no, I'm just grappling with the fact that I'm a shitty friend, and maybe even a shitty person in general."

he hums, holding his hand towards your tray as a silent question, and you push it towards him nonchalantly, letting him take what he wants. he feels way too good about a simple tray, but something about you sharing your food gives him hope that you haven't completely ruled him out.

"well, think about it this way. the average person needs to have at least one of these traits in order to be liked. talent, kindness or looks. you're a fucking beast on that court, and you're gorgeous, so you don't even need to worry about being a good person." it's easy to butter you up a bit, because the words he's saying are true, and he had a feeling that telling you what he honestly felt was the route to go with.

you roll your eyes at his words, but the compliment makes you bite back a smile. you're only human, after all, and not even you are invincible to the charms of one art donaldson.

but you keep your cool, waiting for the inevitable of him bringing up tashi, with the obligatory acting like that wasn't why he sat with you in the first place. but it comes later in the conversation than you thought it would, he asks if she's doing any better, and you answer with an honest 'no.'

maybe this is just another one of his tactics, pretending that he's fully interested in getting to know you with no tashi shaped ulterior motive. but it works. because you end up talking over your now empty tray for a while, so long that you're late to your next class.

the look that he gives you when you leave is one of longing, but it was a specific kind longing, one linked to tashi. that's what art tells himself too, as he watches you walk away.

[flowersdiceandlove]

Was totally obsessed with Maleficent (2014) when I was a kid and was watching it again (still love it) and all of Maleficent's "beastie" and "little beast" calls of Aurora reminded me of Shen Jiu calling Luo Binghe "beast" and of course that made me think of Bingqiu so now I really want a Maleficent/Sleeping Beauty Bingqiu fanfic.

I mean it fits so well!

A cold older traumatized caregiver and sweet little loved by the word starry eyed protagonist.

Maybe "Sleeping Beauty" could be PIDW and "Maleficent (2014)" could be SVSSS? Maybe Airplane could be Diaval? and they try to work together to avoid whatever the og Maleficent's (and her crows') fate was. (it's been a long time since i watched the og sleeping beauty and don't remember it too well, but i don't imagine og!maleficent's fate was good. wait didn't prince phillip kill her as a dragon?)

Airplane (in his old life) probably wanted to go in depth into Maleficent's backstory and show how she's a complicated character who was betrayed and had her wings stollen, but the people making the movie wanted a ✨f a i r y t a l e✨ for little girls to love.

Shen Yuan only watched it bc his sister wanted to and absolutely tore it apart. He was constantly complaining about how stupid, simplistic, unthought out, boring, the movie was, and don't even get him started on the fight scene. And that whole true love's kiss? BULLSHIT! YOU BARELY KNEW THE GUY!! YOU ONLY HAD ONE, ONE!!! CONVERSATION WITH HIM!

Turns out that that was never Airplane's og plan but the bosses wanted smth like that so he folded 'cause he needed the money. It was supposed to be a tragedy where people then need to live with the consequences of their greed and want for power and how the innocent and naive get hurt in the crossfires. King Stephan was supposed to die by Maleficent in revenge for her wings and the betrayal (on top of the curse), Prince Phillip was going to slay dragon!Maleficent to avenge King Stephan and hope that it would break the curse only to return to the kingdom to find Aurora still asleep and his kiss can't wake her, the three fairies were supposed to see how when they just do as they're told and don't try to understand people's actions/motives and just try to ignore the problems that it only leads to more pain and suffering making the three become shadows of their former selves, and Aurora was never meant to wake up, sleeping in a tower in the castle that becomes overgrown with roses as a reminder and lesson to everyone.

Shen Yuan nearly strangles Airplane when he learns this bc that would have actually been a good story, damnit!! He settles for wacking him with his staff.

I've been sticking with their canon pronouns in this, so I don't know who would get genderbent 🤷‍♀️ but i just had to write this out. If someone writes this (or knows of an already written one), let me know please 🙏

[spectersgirl]

Hi love! I’m not entirely sure how you feel about angst (I’m not the biggest fan of it myself) but I had this idea of Harvey making his usual morally grey decisions and reader getting upset with him about it but with like a super fluffy ending because I need that. ♥️

I do like a bit of angst from time to time, this I can do! I'd love to be able to go more into detail on specifics of cases or what would happen as a punishment but unfortunately, my only legal knowledge comes from the show, sooo this is the best I can do :) I hope you like it!!

Faith in Me

Harvey Specter x Reader

-------

"Harvey, this is wrong and you know it!"

"Whose side are you on here? I'm doing my job, Y/N. You know as well as I do that Hopkins doesn't deserve to go to jail for this! He's innocent. It's total bullshit! I find this document and this whole thing goes away."

"Whose side am I on?! Harvey of course I'm on your side, I'm your wife! Of course I know he doesn't deserve to go away for this, but this isn't the right way to do it."

"Y/N, I don't have time for this. I know you don't like this and neither do I, but it's what I have to do to win this goddamn thing. It's a bluff, and it's gonna work."

Harvey was defending a long-time client who was accused of corporate fraud. He knew this client wasn't guilty, the accuser had been shady the whole way through, and you believed Harvey but this wasn't sitting right with you. You were terrified of the consequences Harvey's actions could cause.

You now stood from the couch in your and Harvey's shared home, pacing through your living room.

"You're manufacturing evidence! Harvey, what if they find out. Do you understand what that means? What this could do to you? To us?" Tears threatened to fall from your eyes now. You both loved and hated the fact that Harvey was willing to fight to the death for what he believed in. It's what made him an incredible lawyer, and an incredible protector as your husband, but it scared the shit out of you when he was willing to cross lines and commit crimes to get what he needed.

He didn't respond. He only sat, watching you carefully, deciding what to say next.

Harvey knew from the first case he'd taken after you joined the firm how you felt about his grey areas and the lines he crossed, and until he met you he never thought twice about doing it. He absolutely hated disappointing you, but he hated losing cases, too. He knew his client deserved to win, but he had to cut a deal to keep this guy out of jail, and he knew the only way to get one was to 'find' this document.

When he finally spoke, he was quieter.

"You know I know what could happen. I'm telling you it won't. I need to do what I do. Please, just have faith in me." His voice wavered, and that was all it took for you to break down. Tears streamed down your cheeks and burned in your throat as you spoke.

"Harvey, I will always have faith in you, I love you. I always will. But I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try to talk you out of this and something happened to you because nobody else had the nerve to tell you that this is a bad idea."

Harvey stood now. He held out as long as get could, but he couldn't handle seeing you like that any longer. He pulled you into his arms and rubbed your back soothingly.

"I know this is hard for you. I'm sorry. It's gonna be okay." He whispered, kissing the top of your head.

"Promise me." You said quietly.

He pulled back, taking you at arm's length and looking deep into your eyes.

"Y/N, I promise. And you know I don't make promises I can't keep."

"Okay. Then if this is what you have to do, I'm behind you."

He searches your face for any signs of hesitation and for the first time tonight, since he told you his plan, he didn't find one.

"You trust me?" He asked earnestly.

"If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't have married you." you replied, a small smile appearing on your face.

It was Harvey's turn to smile now.

"Thank you." he whispered, wiping the tears from your face and leaning down to kiss you.

The kiss was full of relief. He felt lighter than he had all day. Not because he'd won the argument, but that he still had your faith in him.

[sharonisthebettercarter]

contemplated at shooting annie (which he unnecessarily did)

punched Hughie for stopping him from killing Kimiko’s brother, Kenji, right in front of her. Then said if he got in the way of him reuniting with Becca, he’d kill Hughie too.

Used an infant as a weapon and threatened to kill them

Is a hypocrite himself (obviously)

Killed a whale

Drugged Marvin

He was willing to sell Ryan to Vought knowing that it would likely mean another Homelander. He didn't care, because it meant he would have Becca.

Insulted Ryan, TO BECCA'S FACE (honestly, Becca should've never tried to make Billy like, let alone tolerate Ryan if she knew that Billy has a weak connection with children and is distrustworthy around them. Like she should've just told him to kick rocks and make sure he won't have a hand in raising Ryan either)

He said that Becca could just "have another kid", not understanding that kids aren't replaceable, like objects (jewelry, cars, houses, etc.) That attitude is fucking horrifying if you're a parent, and I'd worry that he would have that attitude towards any kids (whether mere mortal or supe)

He betrayed his team multiple times

Threatened to kill hughie multiple times

doesn’t care who he hurts in the process

Gaslighted ryan

Let's also add the fact that he CHEATED ON BECCA WHEN THEY WERE TOGETHER

Attempts to kidnap Zoe (based on what the trailers implying)

UNALIVES 2 CHARACTERS AT LEAST (ONE MAIN CHARACTER) wouldn't surprise me if it turns out to be Hughie, considering he threated to unalive Hughie numerous of times.

In all honesty, I hope he hallucinates an angry Becca and Becca's ghost haunts him in the next seasons, like Rhonda's ghost haunted Anika in "Empire".

don't forget unnecessarily attempted to blow up teddy stillwell~!

this shit would be why i roll my eyes anytime someone calls billy an 'aNtI-hErO' or 'gOoD', leik Y'ALL--

lol oh no dear gawd you poor bitch, my dear sweet beautiful angel baby child~<3

just wait until we get to the end of the story or even just a *little* bit further along... this ain't even the half of it...

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the ever expanding shit list on butcher can make homie look tame at times, but yeah no~. def not a good guy, def not right in anyway, one of the big main points of the story is proving butcher wrong and showing just how far his own head was up his own ass.

he's a secondary villain to the series, primary being h--VOUGHT (but also since people forget our *actual* hero is HUGHIE, and that the supes themselves are a SYMPTOM not the actual source of the problems *cough*cough*HEY REMEMBER STARLIGHT WHO EXISTS??* OR THIS WHOLE ASS ABUSIVE FUCKIN' COMPANY THAT EXPLOITS CHILDREN AND EXPERIMENTS ON BABIES LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS??????) and leik. he is *made* specifically to disappoint and prove the reader/viewer *wrong* about him (apart from prove himself wrong) by being his absolute worst with zero excuses for it at legit every chance he gets. mainly by being a serial killer butt~

he's *designed* to toy with our emotions and the hope that we see some *good* in him or give him the benefit of the doubt, because we are seeing the story mostly from *hughie's* perspective, and that is specifically how *HUGHIE* feels about him. and some are def blind to it (like hughie lmao) but some can see through butcher's bullshit (like *annie*)

like his whole damn niche is *dragging* homelander down to his level and causing chaos beyond his own wildest wet dreams at the *expense* of everyone else, and homie clocked that motherfucker before giving him the promise of that ticking time bomb explosion because butcher ain't the only one pushing him too far--but he is certainly the most devoted.

his *obsession* with homie completely consumes his life and everything he does. homelander *hardly* cares about billy beyond his being a persistent thorn in his side that *occasionally* provides *some* level of interest.

i think an easy gauge at what's really going on is to look no further than annie's perspective. many people are more than willing to overlook butcher's bullshit, but annie describes what's going on probably better than anyone i've seen.

for homie? she specifically says. "there's something *wrong* with homelander", but with butcher she just gets fuckin' mad MAD because HE. KNOWS. BETTER. and does worse.

the framing there isn't a mistake. leik at all.

post gen v, i saw a bunch of people calling for the gen v kids to join the boys or for butcher to 'adopt' them and the only thing i could think was 'dear fuckin' satan, for the love of GAWD, PLEASE NO' because the only thing butcher does and *would* do is~

ABUSE.

USE.

MURDER WHEN THEY ARE NO LONGER OF USE.

LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT.

it is LITERALLY all he does the WHOLE fuckin' time, and it's comin' to a head cause there is only so much bullshit his team will tolerate, and i--.

MM IS BETTER ANYWAY AND IF ANYONE SHOULD BE DOING ANY ADOPTING--

i need butcher... to stay THE FUCK *away* from the gen v kids because *when* he hurts them i will lose my shit--

i don't think hughie will die. given the comic, he's actually one of the few people i would say is actually guaranteed to survive (again, goes back to people forgetting *hughie* is our protagonist, NOT butcher), but he may be the one who ends up killing butcher, def not before billy does a ton of damage to showcase what an irredeemable scumbag he really is (i love him, i really do BUTT JESUS fuckin' CHRIST MAN--)

when it comes to ryan, that's a whole 'nother can o worms, but there's a part of me that honestly feels billy only protected him--not because he actually gives a shit about ryan specifically (let's not forget that moment he was about to beat ryan to death when becca died), but because he actually does care specifically about *keeping his promise to becca* and the leverage that ryan *is* over homelander.

and while i do think it's possible that through that and in his own twisted round about way, he *cares* for ryan in a similar way he cares for hughie (mostly just the connection to becca tho), i also think it's pretty likely there is a part of him that deeply resents ryan *specifically*, i think its SUPER duper fuckin' likely that as soon as billy gets the idea in his head that:

'ryan is a lost cause and can't be saved'?

*and* he's no longer of use to billy?

that poor kid's gonna fall to the 'just another supe freak/only worth somethin' dead' list for billy. :/

and i get it, it is fuckin' infuriating but he is supposed to be infuriating because we're supposed to realize just how full of shit and actually evil he really is under the bravado. he's just another extremist opposite of homelander to the point where even their desires and presentation, inner and outer, ring opposite.

boi is a wannabe frank castle with ZERO fuckin' principles.

but yeah, once you get to the point of trying to BLOW UP A FUCKIN' BABY, i--

[raccoon-eyed-rebel]

Part 3

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Part 2 🟣 Part 4

A reverse harem vampire AU ft. Mikey, Marshall, August and Sherlock

Series summary: Somehow, you've managed to live with your boyfriend and his roommates for months before finding out they're vampires, but the real shock first comes when they find out you have a special quality. A quality the guys would love to make use of...

Warnings: SMUT, NSFW, 18+, MINORS DNI, Mentions of blood, biting, p-in-v sex, fingering and oral (f receiving), ultra light bondage, some manhandling, kinky vampire stuff I guess. It's pretty straightforward?

Word count: 2.8k

A/N: In honor of the immortal exchange:

"Is today a good day for vampire smut?" "Every day is a good day for vampire smut." (Never allow two Nina's to have a conversation. Ever.)

@geralts-yenn @deandoesthingstome @summersong69

Your conversation didn't let you go for a few weeks, and one night with Mike, your curiosity got the better of you.

You were just finished with your shower, and back into your room, wearing nothing but a bathrobe, when you found Mikey already in your bed. Of course he looked at you, he always did. When you turned the lights off, he flicked the switch on the light on your bedside table.

“Mikey...” From the beginning of your relationship, you’d always told him to turn the lights off in the bedroom, and he’d never made a point of it. Right now, he looked slightly uneasy, as if there was something on his mind.  

“Now probably isn't a good time to tell you we can see in the dark, right?”

“Are you fucking serious right now?” He was. Dead serious. “Mike! You should have told me!”

“Listen, again, I always thought you knew what I was and what I could do, and I only just realized that you always wanting to turn the lights off was because you didn't want me to see you. Which I think is bullshit, by the way, because you are fucking gorgeous.” 

“Mikey, I... Oh my god.” This was so embarrassing. Apart from a lack of knowledge on the occult, your parents had left you with some screwed up ideas about your own sexuality that you had largely sorted out in your best friends’ basements, but the remnants of the damage done to your body image were still very much alive in your brain.

“Just... Let me look at my favorite titties?” It was almost a plea. No, scratch that, this guy was absolutely one hundred percent begging to get a good look at your boobs.

“Dammit, Mike,” you said when he sat up and tugged you closer by pulling your robe.

“Boobies? Please?” He was on his knees on your bed now, and he was definitely begging, puppy eyes included. You thought about it for a moment. Somehow, the knowledge that he'd already seen you naked made it easier to make a decision.

“Are you gonna be good?” He nodded enthusiastically, and you didn't believe it for a second. Still, you undid the belt of your bathrobe and let the whole thing slide off your shoulders. Mike was clearly already pitching a tent, but he was more preoccupied with your boobs at the moment. His first instinct; dive in face first. You were surprised he checked the motorboating at the door, it seemed like a very Mike thing to do – alright, you knew for a fact that it was a very Mike thing to do, because he’d done it countless times before. Trails of hot, sloppy, open-mouthed kisses were pressed all around your boobs by a very eager Mikey who seemed hell-bent on exploring - and licking - every inch of your chest, until he finally made it to your nipples.

“I can turn the light off, if you want?” He said before you could even open your mouth to ask. And then you thought about it. It was obviously no use to hide from him, so what were you really trying to hide from? The ‘shame’ of having sex in the first place? You weren’t ashamed of that! You were crazy about this guy, and plus also; it felt good. You shook your head, and the thought of getting a clear visual yourself this time around actually excited you.

“You're making a mess, Mikey.” It seemed like you had taken that whole shower for nothing. The way he grinned back up at you showed you that he was proud that you let go of your hesitations.

“Am I now?” He very intentionally misinterpreted your words and brought a hand between your legs, sliding a finger through your folds. You were soaked, of course. A face like Mikey's between your tits left no one cold, especially if he worshipped them the way he could. “Do you like this baby?”

“Hmm, yes,” you hummed, gasping when Mikey's tongue landed on your nipple. “What gave it away?”

“Hm,” he wondered, “dunno. Could be the moans. Or the heavy breathing. Or - and this may be a bit of a stretch - this sinfully drenched fucking cunt.” Sinful… Just before your parents and their dumb ideas about sex and intimacy could worm their way to the forefront of your mind, Mike’s fingers brushed past your clit, and you forgot about anything that wasn’t you or him. Two of his fingers slipped in so easily you wondered if you should be embarrassed by it, but you abandoned the thought when he started moving them.

"Fuck, right there!" It was usually the only hint you had to give him. Mike knew what he was doing, and always did exactly what you wanted him to do, right before you opened your mouth to tell him what it was. It wasn't long before your legs threatened to give out, and he threw you onto the bed. His fingers found their way back with ease, and even a third one was met with little resistance. In a split second - using what was clearly inhuman speed, actually - Mike's face was between your legs and his tongue planted firmly on your clit. His mouth was warm, his tongue soft, and the sounds coming from Mike and the fingers that pumped in and out of your pussy were absolutely obscene. The result was just about the best goddamn orgasm of your entire life. Wave after wave of intense pleasure crashed over you until you were a trembling, sobbing, sweaty mess in Mikey's hands.

He came back up and kissed you. His tongue tasted of your juices and the taste incinerated whatever parts of you that weren't burning with desire yet.

“You,” Mike said in between kisses, “are amazing.”

“Amazing is the last thing I was expecting to hear,” you laughed.

“Well,” Mike grinned, “I wanted to call you my perfect little cockslut, but I wasn't sure how you'd react to that.” And then something inside you just clicked. Mikey was every bit as crazy about you as you were about him, and there was no need to hide from him – physically, mentally… You didn’t even allow yourself any time to wonder if you should be ashamed about all the things being called a cockslut did to you. Mikey could call you pretty much anything he wanted and you’d happily go along with it.

“Positively,” you said sincerely, “very, very positively. I'd probably have asked you to fuck me like one. But alas.”

“Hey!” He pouted, and you giggled when he did. Mike had a very strong talent for looking so sad you immediately wanted to give him the world.

“Oh, you want to fuck me like a whore? Go on, then.” You didn’t know what came over you when you said it, but it was kind of nice. His reaction was fantastic; eyes wide, he swallowed hard and squirmed in front of you… Mike’s soft hum turned into a loud moan when you traced a line from the dip between his collarbones, over his chest, and down the center of his abs until you reached the fabric of his underwear. You admired your squirming, lip-biting, excited, impatient idiot for a moment before you moved your hand.

“Shit... Shit!” You laughed as that second curse sounded a little louder because you wrapped your fingers around his thick cock. He rummaged around in the drawer of your nightstand. “Fuck! You're out of condoms. Fuck! Wait.” Before you had even registered what he said, or that he had left, he was back, holding a familiar looking box. He was in too much of a hurry to smoothly take one of the little foil packets out, let alone open that with any kind of agility.

“Give me that, you're gonna rip the whole thing!” You pulled the condom out of his hands and tore the wrapper off, flinging it somewhere. “Come here.” 

Even his step towards you was hasty and caused the so-manieth almost-accident. “Mike I'm gonna need you to show me you can move at human speed. I'm all for you fucking me into the mattress but I'm not a fan of internal bleeding and a crushed pelvis, capiche?”

“God, yeah, I'm good. I'm good.” Again, you didn't believe him at all.

“Jesus, Mikey, lie down.” He did as you asked immediately, grabbing you and effectively yeeting you on top of him. “Mike! You're going to give me motion sickness if you keep this up. Stop. Stop. Stay still or you're not getting any.” Judging from the look on his face, that was the worst threat you could have possibly made. Ever.

When he finally stopped moving, you rolled the condom on. Mike looked at you very excitedly.

“Please come here, please get on top.” The eyes, the voice, the eyebrow, and that damn lower lip that stuck out just that little bit that made you very aware of it – and also made you want to suck on it a little, maybe. You had no clue what possessed you that gave you the confidence to actually do what he asked – his face alone had never been enough. Then again, you had never been able to see it clearly, because you’d always fucked with the lights off, but still. You slowly inched forward on your knees until your pussy hovered over his cock. Mike ran two fingers along your slit again and laughed.

“God, I wish I could feel how wet you are,” he mused, which made you wonder...

“Can vampires even have children?”

“Absolutely we can,” Mike said quickly. “Us guys, at least. Condom stays on, I'm afraid.”

“Loving the sense of responsibility, Mike,” you said as you tried to contain your laughter.  

“Yeah, yeah, I'm super-duper responsible! Now, please sit on my cock.” How could you possibly deny a man who was so desperately begging you to screw him? Of course, you could play with him a little longer... Slowly, extremely, excruciatingly slowly, you lowered yourself onto Mikey's dick, stopping every time he moved. You were fed up with his impatience when he tried to use his hands to pull you down onto him, and a firm smack on each of his wrists put a stop to that behavior fast. He didn’t need to know that it probably hurt your hands more than it did his wrists.

“No!” He cried out when you lifted yourself off him again.

“Tying you up is of no use, is it? You'll rip my headboard to shreds before you behave.” There it was, the goofy grin on his face that had made you fall in love with him in the first place. You suspected he kept it under lock and key for special occasions, now, and apparently, this was one of those.

“Eh, I'm not opposed to trying?” There was a twinkle in his eye that told you he was a lot more than ‘not opposed’ to it. You grabbed the belt of your bathrobe off the floor.

“Hands.”

“Yes ma'am,” Mikey said. His grin couldn't possibly get any wider. You tied his hands together, fixing them to the headboard, and told him once again to stay still. The smile on his face told you he was absolutely just humoring you; he could tear the restraints up without too much effort, but he was really going to try to not do that.

“God, you're cute.” You positioned him at your entrance again and slowly lowered yourself until he was all the way inside of you.

“Fuck,” you huffed as you leaned forward instinctively.

“You okay, Sweetcheeks?”

“Yeah, you're just a little too big for me to sit up straight,” you gasped. “Wipe that cocky fucking grin off your face before I help you.”

“Sorry baby,” he said, “I just love hearing you talk about how big my cock is. Does something to a man.”

You shut him up by smashing your mouth on his, drowning out the sounds he let out as you moved your hips up and down. His tongue pushed past your lips and slid into your mouth, exploring eagerly while he moaned loudly with every move of your hips. He was almost aggressive in how he sucked on your lips - and even your tongue, which was an interesting sensation, but mostly made you laugh. His hips fell into the same rhythm as yours with ease. It wasn't long before you began missing the feeling of his hands roaming your body.

“Untie me.” How? He always – always – knew. Dammit. You did listen, but that was out of mercy for your bedframe rather than a willingness to do as he told you. Ok, there was definitely some willingness to do as he told you. Fuck, fine, you loved doing what he told you, but this had still been a fun experiment. His hands on your hips felt about a hundred times more natural, though, and you almost cried from joy when he started using them to effectively slam you down onto his dick as he snapped his hips up to meet your body. Soon, you fell on top of him, hardly able to control yourself as Mike railed you into the next century in a position that should typically see you in control of things. But fuck that, this was heaven.

Mike laughed before he fucked you harder, the so-manieth thing you desperately longed for but never, ever asked for out loud. Your moans became cries, became sobs, complete with tears - of joy - in your eyes, and you chanted his name religiously while he kept going. He wasn't careful today, you were sure you were going to be sore tomorrow, but it wasn't important. A that mattered right now was the way his cock slammed into your soaked, tight cunt, and the moans he let out because of it.

“Baby you feel so good,” he murmured softly into your neck, “you're so tight, so perfect.”

And then he asked that question, and you said yes, and before you knew it he sank his teeth into your shoulder. It hurt when his teeth pierced your skin, but other than that, it wasn't bad. His movements slowed down, and he carefully turned you both around. He ground his hips against yours, and you cried out, overwhelmed by the sensations of his cock deep inside you and the gentle sucking on your neck. It didn't hurt – at all. In fact, you felt quite the opposite: it was extremely comforting, and a wave of warmth washed over you.

“Mikey,” you gasped as you grabbed the back of his head, twisting his curls around your fingers, gently scraping your nails over his scalp. Soft moans were lost against your skin as he continued his movements for a while longer until he finally came.

“I think I made a mess, babe,” he said apologetically.

“Condom first, Mike,” you reminded him, and he immediately left the room to take care of that. He came back with a washcloth and band aids. Now that you actually watched his movements, you were convinced you needed glasses. Over the past months, you had blamed the fact that you seemed to miss half the moves Mike made on being tired, or distracted, or generally imperceptive. You genuinely couldn’t believe you had been able to convince yourself that nothing was going on…

“Let me...” He cleaned your neck, examining the damage he'd done. “Messy bite, sorry. It eh… It should be mostly healed in the morning.”

There was a funny look in his eyes you hadn't seen before. It was excessively worried, almost scared. He put the band aids on you carefully, asking you a million times if you were feeling okay - and you answered him a million times that you were feeling perfectly fine.

“Hug.” The way he said it didn’t remind you of a question, but rather of a demand. And he was demanding something he found absolutely necessary. “Hug, please?” You let him snuggle up against you, with his head resting on your chest, and you wrapped your arms around him. It was your compromise for making him the small spoon, which didn’t work very well because he was quite a bit taller than you.

“I love you,” he said. That was a first, but it was so incredibly welcome after all that had happened. A part of you was relieved that you weren’t the first to say it, the other part just fell more and more in love with him with every passing second, as you stroked his hair and watched him almost doze off on your chest. That was when it first hit you how exhausted you were yourself, and how strangely calm. Usually the throes of passion – for lack of a less archaic description – had you kind of worked up for a while, and unable to sleep, and you’d usually spend some time goofing around with Mike until you eventually got tired. This time, both of you seemed completely and utterly beat.

“I love you too, Mikey,” you replied, “let's go to sleep, okay?”

“Goodnight, baby,” he murmured into your cleavage. It made you laugh. That was Mikey summarized: sleep and boobies.

[wyntersecret-a]

m: Landon B. Wynter. 32-36. director. Maya Tran. 35. production assistant. p: Landon is doing research for a new documentary involving a shady governmental science facility. y/m may or may not have legitimate information that will assist in his production. It can be helpful or detrimental. i: cosmic horror. lovecraft. eldritch horror.

Every filmmaker vows to dive deep into storytelling. No matter if it hails back to his days as a documentary artist or his current foray into popular cinema. The man’s gone a long way from small time to the big time these days. He’s well known now but there’s still a calling to his roots. Documentaries like these only come along once in a lifetime. The odd mysteries of life, an intrigue bordering on discovering something unexplainable is right on the market for Landon’s interests. Something particularly odd about this whole incident is the involvement of government science. People have conspiracy theories about all things. Flat Earthers be damned there is always some conspiracy nut out there pushing their insane philosophy. Common place in the world and he’s not someone to look at boy who cried wolf syndrome with a realistic view. Maybe he’s more grounded in reality due to the bullshit he’s dealt with. That’s absolutely beside the point as he does research for this potential project. The studio never said he couldn’t work on docs anymore. Still it’s a huge maybe. Following up on leads is akin to detective work and when dealing with an account from someone not rightly in their mind, well, dead ends are a thing. “So you’re sure that’s the only thing coming out of there?”

“What more do you think, Landon? I told you that was all the lead I could dig up.” His assistant seemed outright done with the whole thing and it hasn’t even started. “It’s disturbing.”

She has a point. Ramblings of mentally unstable have that effect in most cases. He’s probably desensitized to a lot of things considering he brings the grotesque to life as a career. More like a passion but it’s the idea that counts. He offered a seat to her, pulling a chair. On the road means stopping off for at least one drink. “Azathoth sounds like it belongs in a creepypasta, Maya. Could be a made up word. Just gibberish and yet I’m here trying to piece together details from this place to make a doc? How do you think that’s gonna go?”

Maya rolled eyes, placing a hand atop his arm when he joined at the table. “Now you voice your skepticism? If I knew this would happen I never would have forwarded their information.” Her eyes slipped past the director, tilting her head a bit. “… I swear I’ve seen them before.”

Landon turned his head enough to check where she’s occupied. “Mm. Maybe someone recognizes me. Just when I think we’re gonna be low key.”  

[inquixotic]

LIKE HALF THE RP, NIGHT 38.

daybeds, after movie night

with @guttcd, @heatwayve, @graftisms, and @dobits !

evelyn mendoza.

"okay, one bottle of very nice champagne." it's probably just sparkling wine, knowing the production's budget, but it's wine, and dante likes wine, and maybe it'll help lessen the sting of having that played a bit. it was one of the opened ones, because she was never going to be able to actually pop a bottle, plus that feels celebratory and totally not the mood. she crawls into the daybed on the side of dante, eyes watching charlene pace around next to it, immediately resting her head on his shoulder. "that was such bullshit of them to include that, sweet, i'm sorry," she says, a note of uncharacteristic anger striking in her tone, offering him the bottle with a sympathetic look. @nuve @deanna

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐬

she's currently on a rant, pacing around and waving her hands around. "like -- why the hell would they pick YOU if they were falling in love with marcus? who fucking does that? does she think we're in fucking... i don't know! vampire diaries or something?" she's absolutely fuming, only taking a breath when evie makes over to them, her aura much more sympathetic compared to charlene's. her gaze softens as soon as they land on dante. "sorry -- this is about you. not me. wanna... talk about it?"

miles o'sullivan

he's been here w the squad so that frankie can pull callie in peace (🤪).

𝗱𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗶𝗿𝗮.

the sight of the bottle of cheap champagne does bring a smile to dante's face—though it's washed away with more words from charlene's litbottle rampage, pacing back and forth in front of them. if he watched any longer, dante would get dizzy. "it's okay," he says, half-heartedly. arm wrapping around evie with one hand, he uses the other to take a quick sip. "i don't think there is much to talk about. i did not know..." he trails off, thinking about romi's words about marcus. "but i knew enough. it's... that was a litbottle embarrassing, huh?" he tries to laugh it off, weakly.

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐬

holy shit she did not see miles sitting there! "yeah -- for them. 'cus they apparently don't know what they fucking want." she grumbles, taking the bottle and occupying herself with the task of making sure everyone's glass has plenty of liquor.

evelyn mendoza.

there's a stubborn set to her jaw, understanding in how embarrassed he must feel for that, to have his feelings on full display for everyone to see when romi turned him down, then said all that about loving marcus. "they look like an absolute muppet, babe, for real." there's a pang of guilt too, for how confidently she had told him not to worry, and she continues on, "they had absolutely no fuckin' business saying all that to someone who isn't you. it's a bad fuckin' show, it's gross."

𝗱𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗶𝗿𝗮.

he's still shaking his head. "it's okay. i mean—it wasn't nice to watch, but i do not think bad of her. her and marcus have been together the whole time. when she chose me after coming back from casa... i did not think she was going to," he admits. "and i know he still loves her, so... i hope they're happy." he takes a much longer chug of the champagne, before passing it to charlene. "it's just sad." he's sad.

evelyn mendoza.

"it is sad," she agrees, putting her annoyance on the back burner to give him a weird half hug due to the positioning on the bed. "and it's not fair. to either of you."

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐬

she chugs her drink along with him, mostly in an attempt to calm herself down. cus liquor is totally is the thing you need for that! "it is sad." she fills their glasses once more before  handing miles the bottle. if he's not going to say anything, he can at least be on liquor duty. charlene kneels down in front of dante, allowing her free hand to give his knee a small, sympathetic squeeze. "you're allowed to be sad. i know you really gave it your best shot, dee. really."  she looks up at him, a determined look on her face that shows there is no room for debate. "she was lucky to have you and stupid to lose you."

miles o'sullivan

"wait, back this up. did you tell them you loved them? and then they asked you for an open relationship?" he knows he loves to pretend a red flag's a green one but shit...!

𝗱𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗶𝗿𝗮.

all of charlene's comments are nice but unwarranted, because after all this, he still can't think of one thing romi had done wrong. it would've been nice to hear about her feelings for marcus before watching it unfold on the screen, but judging from the clip it didn't look like marcus knew much about it, either. glancing at miles, he nods seriously. "when she chose me a few days ago... it did not feel like it," he tries to explain, slowly. "she did not even dance on me during the challenge because of marcus. and marcus and her were staying friends, and he told me he still cared for her. it felt like i was in the middle of it, no? sometimes two people don't know what they really want is each other." the smile he gives him is melancholy. "so i suggested we go back to getting to know each other, so she could maybe work things out with marcus. i told her i love her because i do. that does not change just because of everything."

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐬

it must be nice to not have the brain capacity to be mad — she wishes she was as chill as he was but she’s too petty. too protective of her friends. especially dante. she doesn’t want to make this about herself though, so she simply rest her check on his knee. “im sorry dee.”

evelyn mendoza.

her lips press together, blinking back any water in her eyes at how he's talking, like there's no hope in it at all. she really missed how worried he was about that, huh? "you're too good, babe." in general, for romi, he can take his pick. "they wanna hiding, for real." evie chews at her tom lip, glancing at charlene like maybe she shouldn't point this out, but continues on anyways. "that said...marcus may not even choose them, after bein' shot all over the place like a fuckin' pinball with them. what would that mean for you?"

miles o'sullivan

honestly, dante's experiencing what miles' nightmare had been about coming back. when they played frankie's tape, part of him had been bracing himself for a similar confession - one that hadn't come. fuck, he really needs to get up and find frankie soon. but saying something to dante, who could've just as easily been him tonight, also feels important. "for what it's worth, you did the right thing. like, it's tough to go with your gut in a situation like that, but...you got a feeling and you trusted it," for the amount of side-eye dante gets for being a litbottle empty between the ears, he strikes miles as remarkably intelligent right now. "it's no wonder she picked you, 'cause of the kind of guy you are, but sometimes people can't help how they feel, i guess. even if your feelings aren't changing, i'm sorry that the rest is. we haven't changed though," he motions to the bombshells around him, "we've still got your back."

𝗱𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗶𝗿𝗮.

his hand runs gently through charlene's hair in front of him, offering everyone a litbottle smile. it's funny, but despite this being one of the lowest points of his love island experience, he also doesn't think he's ever felt so supported here. dante can't remember the last time he felt this supported, period. it made the whole situation a litbottle lighter. "thank you," he nods in miles' direction, because it feels like a lot coming from him. "no, people can't help how they feel. but that's okay. i told romi that what happens with her and marcus will not change my feelings of her, and i still agree." evie's question is a litbottle tougher, lips pressing together for a moment, before shrugging. "i don't know where any of this leaves me. but it's okay. i've had a lot of fun being here, and that will not change." he's already bracing for the worst.

angel reid

he'd made a hard left turn after seeing naomi and marcus embracing in the kitchen, not quite drunk enough to lose sense of when his presence isn't wanted. instead he heads for miles, crouches down next to him as dante finishes his sentiment. "you ain't goin' anywhere, big d," angel affirms. "got a lot of show left."

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐬

dante really is too sweet. too selfless. if it was just the two of them or if she had enough liquor in her system she would probably be crying for him. like the drunk girls in the bar that cry cus she thinks the girls they just met in the bathroom deserve the world. instead she just nods at everyone's words, agreeing whole heartedly and appreciating them for being much more eloquent than she is. "how are you two holding up?" she directs the question to h miles and angel.

angel reid

"like shit," he laughs, finishing off his beer and immediately wishing he'd bit the bullet and barged in on marcaomi before this. "the girls went inside to hash things out," he tells miles, smacking his palm on miles' thigh. then he nods toward evie. "this one was right."

𝗱𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗶𝗿𝗮.

"i don't understand," he frowns, looking between angel and miles, then angel and evie. "what is there to hash out?" angel wasn't even in the movies, right?

miles o'sullivan

"oh? i don't know, i was okay. i didn't...think it was that bad," his brow furrows, a glance over at angel. he wasn't sweating about frankie's video, was honestly looking forward to teasing her about it, but wonders if this is just one of those things he hasn't been told. "right about what?"

evelyn mendoza.

she stares at angel like he's grown another head. "i told him it was too soon to be closed off, shouldn't feel like a second choice." she says, offhand, to miles. "what in the hell are you talking about, this one was right?"

angel reid

"and as long as frankie's in here, i'm always gonna be second choice," he fills in the expletives following evie's explanation. "frankie saw it, too. she was telling callie it was weird she chose her movie, asked if she did it to fuck with your guys' thing." and now they're probably making plans to continue the convo in the hideaway. to wrap it all up, he gestures again to evie, "ergo, this one was right."

evelyn mendoza.

she sits up at that. "that is not what i said, angel."

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐬

it's hard to defend callie when she has no idea why she keeps picking frankie for these challenges. "i don't get why calllie had to chose frankie's video. like, she rejected her."  she looks at miles when the 'second choice' comment is made, wondering if he's going to react but then evie corrects angel and she turns to look at her. "what did you say then?"

angel reid

"see, if we'd gotten to see my movie, we wouldn't even need to argue about this right now." 'cause yes you fucking did, evelyn.

miles o'sullivan

"well, if she thought it would fuck with us, it's not going to," miles shrugs. he's choosing to trust frankie on this.

evelyn mendoza.

she turns her attention to charlene, trying to push her temper down and speak calmly. "i said that frankie and callie were really intense, and i wasn't sure she would've picked him had frankie not fucked up with naomi, so he shouldn't be closed off early on. 'cause frankie was going to a constant," she says plainly, pausing to take a sip of her wine. "which callie said was true. but compared it to like, an ex. which is fine and fair." she'll withhold her opinion on a week not being enough to move on fully, though.

angel reid

he really appreciates charlene's validation, gives a motion of acknowledgement to her before his attention is whipped to miles. "dude --," he gestures to himself now, "i'm so totally fucked with." he catches only the last bit of evie's words to charlene, just enough to know that he's still right, he shakes his head. "i just thought it was so not the move." a glance to miles, he shrugs. "like, on callie's part. frankie was just as confused as me."

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐬

it kind of sounds to charlene like angel's summary of what evie said was spot on. if this was being said before tonight she might have actually argued against it but right now, she doesn't know what to think. if callie is pulling another romi and naomi where she's pretending to not know what she wants only to reveal that she was still into frankie all along. "it definitely wasn't the move." she stands back up, dusting her knees off some before offering angel her glass of champagne. "i'm sorry ang. i have no idea what is going on with her right now. maybe she had too many to drink?" she offers weakly

miles o'sullivan

he just leans on angel where they're sat together, his head on his shoulder. there's a warmth that blooms in his chest at the mention of frankie, but also, worry. he hopes that frankie's not all in her head about this, that she doesn't take the fact that he went to comfort dante as a bad sign – just fact that he wasn't stressed about the two of them. he's got no ability to try and gauge what's going on in callie's head because he barely knows the girl, "honestly, we had kind of a nice chat the other night about...this kind of stuff," miles suggests. "i'd be fuming if frankie had chosen her. do you think she's, um, self-saaging?" cheryl loves this word.

evelyn mendoza.

she setbottles back into dante, her eyes drifting across everyone's faces. "she shouldn't have picked her," she prefaces slowly, having much less sympathy for angel than she does dante or even miles, but still having some. "but it's hard to move on from someone you made plans with in a snap, even if she's serious about you, y'know?" she can't believe she's the one defending callie here, honestly. "did you tell her that it makes you uncomfortable? she knows that, right?"

𝗱𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗶𝗿𝗮.

is just listening because it feels wrong to chime in on this.

angel reid

"thanks, babe," he tells char, taking her glass and downing the entire thing. "being drunk's no excuse." except he'll definitely lean on that tomorrow as an explanation for why he reacted as badly as he did. "self-saaging would be, like, best case scenario," he chuckles dryly. he's pretty sure it's just 'cause callie likes frankie. plain and simple. "would you be fuming?" he hums more genuine laughter now, fingers scratching on miles' knee. "feel like maybe i gotta drink whatever chill dude juice you're sippin' on." water might be good, too. to evie, he nods. "'course. i think it's just hard for her to deal with. like, she never fucks up, is always super solid. frankie's just -- i dunno, her weak spot."

evelyn mendoza.

"dude." not an unkindly dude, mind, but a litbottle exasperated, maybe, because it kinda sounds like he's got her on some kind of a pedestal and that's just plain unhealthy. "she's human, she's gonna slip up sometimes." especially when she's got a weak spot like frankie. "you said you'd take being her second choice, right? it's fine if you can't, but like...i dunno. her making a mistake isn't the end of the world."

angel reid

fingers drum thoughtfully on miles' leg, he's half surprised by how much sense evie's making and is fully suspicious about it. "yeah, i dunno. she was just real fucking quick to pull frankie..." that does feel like the end of the world. but he did say that, told callie something similar, too. "i need another drink," he doesn't, but he pulls himself up anyway after ruffling miles' hair. "anybody want?" once he's got order, if any, he'll go ahead and exit stage left.

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐬

it sounds to her that angel just needs to vent and with evie being on the defensive and miles having no reaction at all, she doesn't blame him for wanting to leave.. "i'll go with you." she offers with a knowing smile. "whiskey sours everyone?" surely they could all use something harder.

evelyn mendoza.

"she pulled frankie?" her eyebrows do go up at that, but she withholds further comment as angel gets up to leave. whoops! tough love wasn't the move. "whiskey sour sounds nice, thank you both."

𝗱𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗶𝗿𝗮.

he shakes his head at the offer, taking another swig from the bottle he does have.

miles o'sullivan

"i would have actually been fuming," miles digresses as angel gets up to leave, "i don't know. i know i've been chill about this stuff, but it's not like i love the fact that we've had to like, move forward in relation to callie a lot of the time," miles' brow furrows. he knows he's pretty even-tempered, wants to keep the good vibes, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care. "but i do trust her, and it's been really good lately," his neck cranes toward the villa, as if he's going to x-ray in on what chat frankie and callie are having. "i don't know. you don't think that's wrong of me?" he looks at dante, whose opinion he really trusts.

𝗱𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗶𝗿𝗮.

dante's surprised to see miles looking to him for advice, but he nods in agreement. "i think you would know if it is not right. just because something is not perfect, doesn't mean it should be rid of. love isn't always easy." it usually isn't, actually.

miles o'sullivan

"damn. that was really good. they should hire you to write those things in fortune cookies," miles nods thoughtfully.

evelyn mendoza.

"do you like...want me to go try to hear what they're saying?" directed to miles. she'd be mad with jealousy if she were him right now. "make sure dante's right."

miles o'sullivan

"you'd do that?"

evelyn mendoza.

"sure, yeah. callie already hates me, right? can't blame you if it's me."

𝗱𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗶𝗿𝗮.

"why does she hate you?" he frowns.

evelyn mendoza.

"okay, that's a litbottle dramatic," she huffs. she doesn't hate her. "she wasn't happy with me, that's all. might as well keep that streak goin' rather than subject miles to it, right?"

miles o'sullivan

"you don't want to be friends with her?" he pauses, leaning in, "well, okay. but if you do it, you can't say it was because of me."

evelyn mendoza.

she waves her hand, not exactly dismissive, but trying to be casual "i dunno. i just don't think she genuinely wants to be my friend. it's like, a whole thing. i'll get into it after i report back. and, no, i won't rat you out. i'll say i needed, like, more concealer and didn't wanna interrupt. it's perfect." with that, she pushes off and goes off towards the villa.

miles o'sullivan

there's a glance at dante as evie runs off, "she was almost too excited to go do that..." he trails off. hopefully this doesn't cause any problems!

𝗱𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗶𝗿𝗮.

"she must be very bored," he admits, with a small laugh. "her and eden and victoria. it's a shame we couldn't watch one of their movies." the reason behind that is completely lost on him, the fact that they probably have zero content.

[hannahhook7744]

6 Detectives And 1 Civilian Play Never Have I Ever;

Summary: The Badun Detective Agency plays Never have I ever with Ariel's daughter and Jace's new girlfriend, Elle. What could possibly go wrong? Trigger warnings: mention of organ theft, never have I ever gone wrong, underage drinking, and child endangerment.

This takes place after d3. Hermie is 14. Eddie and Reza are 15. Jace, Yzla, and Harry are 17. I do not own the characters but hey, they're free real estate to expand on in fanfiction since they're practically blank slates so here we go. Also sorry this is terrible.

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

The warning signs were there long before Elle had even considered inviting her new boyfriend and his friends to spend spring break with her and her family at her uncle's castle in Melody's Tirulia.

They had been there long before the barrier had even been brought down. Back before Jace Badun had ever stepped foot off the isle and into her life. Back when there was just Mal, Jay, Evie, and Carlos. 

But Elle had paid no mind to it.

Had just brushed off the warning signs. 

Because no isle kid had ever spared a second glance at her before Jace and his friends and Elle had wrongfully done so in turn. Never bothering to read too deep into them and the isle. 

Until she got close to one. 

And even then, the warning signs hadn't raised too much alarm in her mind. 

Something Elle regretted deeply at the moment as she sat on the couch in one of her aunt and uncle's many sitting rooms, entrapped in a game she swore she'd never play again if she could help it. 

“Never have I ever had to save a kid—Hadie, cough, cough—from a horrific death," Eddie called out, leaning back in his chair with a smug grin on his face as the other 5 occupants of the room immediately started protesting. 

" Bullshit !"

"Now I know that's a lie—"

"Don't lie—"

"You totally have—"

"What utter nonsense is this, Edmund—"

Eddie's grin didn't falter "Nu uh! I have not once saved the little dude from any near death experiences. I've just taken him home while we investigated minor cases where we had no fear of being harmed. So drink up, suckers. Me and El are safe for this one."

Jace, Harry, Yzla, and Reza all grumbled, shooting him a glare as they each took a shot. 

Hermie pouted at him, looking betrayed as she followed their friends' lead.

Then it was Harry's turn and he looked vengeful. 

Elle just knew that she wasn't gonna like wherever this was going. And to absolutely no one's surprise, she was right.

'Well, since Eddie wants to be petty.... Never have I ever woken up in an ice bath after getting my kidney stolen."

The room went deathly silent. Looks like Elle wasn't the only one horrified by that one.

"Dude! Not cool! I told you that in confidence!"

"That's what you get for being a smart ass!"

"I cannot believe you—"

“When the FUCK did you lose your kidney?! Why isn’t this in your medical file?!” Jace hissed venomously from where he was sitting beside her, cutting off their bickering. He looked quite a bit like a mad bull at the moment. 

Eddie was quiet for a few minutes. So quiet that Elle thought he wasn’t going to answer. 

But he did—making the situation worse as he did so. 

“Around the same time Harry lost his spleen, I believe.”

Harry squawked in outrage, paling as Jace’s anger was transferred to him. 

“YOU LOST YOUR SPLEEN?! WHEN DID YOU LOSE YOUR SPLEEN?!”

“Uh, well. You see… I got stabbed in the wrong place a few years back?“

Steam was practically pouring out of Jace's ears at that point. "And you never thought to mention this?!"

"It didn't seem important!"

"How—you lost a whole ass organ! How the fuck did you think that was not important to mention?!"

"Well it's not like I'm the only person on the team who lost a organ!"

Jace shot Eddie a glare. "I'm well aware of that! And I expect an explanation and updated medical records from both of you! Am I clear?!"

Harry looked like he had swallowed a lemon at that, but didn't argue and Eddie gave a sheepish nod. Both clearly unhappy with the situation. 

"Good. Now that, that's over.." Jace grabbed the bottle of Bourbon that they had been using to pour the shots and chugged it, beyond stressed as Hermie pulled Eddie out of the room—no doubt to have a go at him for not telling her something so important.

Reza was muttering under his breath to Yzla as they looked at something on his phone that he had pulled out sometime during the confrontation and Elle was forgotten in the chaos of it all, like she had grown accustomed to during the years. But this time, it didn't bother her because it allowed for her to shoot off a quick text to the family group chat as well as to the band kid group chat without any of her guests noticing. 

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Elle: Never, EVER, EVER play 'Never have I ever' with a group of isle kids. EVER!

Arabella: Why???

Elle: You don't wanna know.

[wiener321]

Only the beginning...

I could write a whole book about our friendship, relationship, or whatever you chose to call us but I choose to protect my peace and write how you truly made me feel. I met you last September, my roommate forced me to come into the car with her. She told me she had a friend for me but I've never trusted her judgment before, so I wasn’t expecting much. I remember first getting into the car wondering where the night was going to take me. Never expecting what was going to come..  

Truly I wanted to start from the beginning and explain the story but I can’t even get past the beginning without feeling so stupid. Writing down everything he’s ever done to me, said to me, didn’t say to me, the way he led me on, I can go on forever. A never ending list but I think I just need to say what truly bothers me. I never knew if I liked the chase, or just the satisfaction of not knowing how he felt back. I wish I could sit here and tell you how bad he treated me or how much he made me hate myself. But I can’t. Simply because it wouldn’t be true. When we first hung out I truly had thought I found the one. Not because he ever made me feel special or complimented me or went out his way to make me feel good, because truly he showed me the absolute bare minimum and I won't lie about that. What he did make me feel was seen, I have never been more relaxed with someone or close as I was with him. Was it watching movies every night, was it scrolling watching his tik tok feed laughing at every video, or was it staying up till 4am getting lost in time talking because we were so interested in each other, or was it because I was a stupid freshman in love. I couldn’t tell you what it was but I’ve never felt that way with anyone in my life, it truly scared me being that vulnerable. I don't know what was worse, crying about how he treated me like I was the only one when I knew that was a lie, or having him in my bed later that night because staying made me feel better than leaving. I knew I deserved better after a couple months when I realized I was only needed after hours and only seen together in my room, How embarrassing! But at this point he turned into my bestfriend. If I could tell you right now, never become best friends with your situationship because it will never work. But I don’t mean texting about problems, not some middle school bullshit. I mean sitting on the phone 24/7, picking out his outfits, meeting his parents as friends, doing everything you could imagine. I could go in depth about our friendship but I fear if I did…I would look like the biggest clown, you would’ve all told me I should’ve left months ago if that was his idea of friendship. Maybe it was the shoes I got for Christmas or the necklace he got me that matched his. Was I crazy for thinking this was more? I knew in my head he wasn't getting other girls gifts, it was only me just like I knew I was truly his best friend as well. I knew he cared for me but he never made it clear to what extent. After all this, months of sleepovers, facetime calls, forehead kisses, the best sex of my life. Was I really crazy for thinking it was ever more than that? I can’t tell you how much time and tears I've put into this man, how many nights I stayed awake crying because I feel like I’ve always known the answers to my questions. I know what you're all thinking. Why didn’t you just tell him how you felt and move on based on his answer? I wish it was all that simple. I told him how I felt multiple times and even after hearing he didn’t feel the same I never wanted to give up. Sitting here now typing this I realize how dumb I sound for not taking the hint, But how could I when he treated me like I was the only one. I always thought he was afraid to admit it but after recent events I'm not too sure. I won't flash forward till now because it would be skipping too much. After all, it's been a year and 3 months. Why not drag this story out, lead you guys on about what’s happening today after all I waited this long, so can you. 

As a freshman in college, I only knew obsession. If you're not obsessed do you even like the guy? I was crazy obsessed. I got snapchat + to make sure I could watch his snap score to make sure I stayed 1st on his bestfriends list. I don’t even want to tell yall the depths I would go through to know what he was doing, who he was with, or who he followed. I was truly in love with this man till I discovered the secrets that he tried to keep. Those nights that I lay there crying I knew what he was doing behind my back. I watched as he left the bar with other girls, flirted with girls, and walked past me without saying anything knowing he would be at my place later. It hurt me that I let him do this, trust me I wasn’t a saint either. You would think that after everything I’ve said we would be exclusive with each other.. Wrong, I wish. I knew he would sleep with other girls so I forced myself to use other guys as a distraction, because the only guy I’ve ever wanted this badly could never just want me. To me other guys were just a means to an end, guys I knew I would never see again just to fill that missing void. But no one was him. No one could make me feel the way he did. Till this day I still want to believe it was the same for him that I was the only special one in his life, but if anyone knows him knows there's no getting him to open up about his feelings. I should've taken this as the first red flag that he could never open up to  me, we were “bestfriends” but yet I constantly wondered how he felt? Or where we stood? I never knew because he would never open up even the couple times I opened up about how I felt with him, you could tell I freaked him out and made him go silent. He has tons of walls built up around him when I let him come to me he seems to be more open but if I try and get his feelings out of him he shuts down. I wish things were just easy, I told him I liked him and he felt the same and he took me out on dates, got me flowers, got me my favorite things. But I never believed that would ever happen but yet I waited. Hoping that one day it would be different. 

Let's move on to when I tried to move on. I met this guy a couple months after hearing from the guy I loved that he would never feel the same and that we were only best friends. This guy was everything the other guy wasn’t, he took me out on dates, he knew my favorite things and made sure to take care of me every way possible. He did everything perfect so why didn’t I feel the same way back? This guy had soon fallen for me and quickly expressed his love for me and what did I do? I treated him the same way the other guy treated me without even realizing it. I went along with it hoping I would forget and move on with him because he was perfect for me. I did quite the opposite instead I led him on, forced myself to try and have feelings, and honestly went along with it because he made me feel good for that short time. Looking back I was the bad person in that situation, he expressed his love. I promised things I never felt because I thought I was filling that hole of emptiness that I missed from the other guy. Since I also said that I was bestfriends with him, he fully knew I was with this other guy and knew how well he treated me. But yet he always told me he was happy for me and encouraged me to be with him…. Which to me was crazy. How can you tell me to stay with him? When all I'm thinking about is you. All I ever wanted was you, how could you see me happy with someone else and not even care a little. Again, while this was all happening we were still “best friends” on the phone everyday, talking everyday so maybe it was because I acted like nothing even changed. Since then there's been two other guys I've been in situationships with that he fully supported and never expressed an ounce of jealousy. 

[chemmerson]

after work

bartender!nanami x fem!reader, modern au

so i found this wip from. awhile ago. and i thought I would post it just for fun. let me know what you think!

word count: 6.3k

warnings: unwanted advance from a stranger, reader feels panic

“And then she had the audacity to blame me for the mix-up! She is so bitchy.”

Propping your head up with your hand and twirling the ice around your empty glass, you listened to your coworker (and friend) go on and on and on about the work day. You were used to it, of course, because that’s how every Thursday was. When you two had decided to start ending the work week at the nearby bar to destress and rant about your job, you were relieved that you would be able to talk about all the bullshit that transpired throughout the week.

However, your friend was more than happy to take over the conversation herself, so every Thursday, you had to listen to her tell you everything that was on her mind.

Now, you couldn’t blame her. You knew exactly how she felt and all the frustrations she experienced. You were in the boat. There was absolutely nothing she complained about that you didn’t understand or had the same to say yourself.

But after about two drinks, your friend was always ready to dump all of her thoughts out for the entire bar to hear, and you couldn’t get one word in about your own work frustrations.

It wasn’t like it was the biggest deal in the world. You had been told you were a great listener before so you were happy to at least be someone your friend felt like they could talk to. And you knew better than anyone what she was going through.

So every Thursday, you downed some Moscow mules and prepared yourself for the next few hours.

“So then I go up to Kai who I thought was going to be helpful, and I start telling him what that bitch did during the whole spreadsheet debacle. Turns out they’re fucking dating. So that was fucking embarrassing.”

You actually had known that last week when you saw him sneak a kiss on her cheek in the break room. But you just hummed with a nod and kept listening.

“So now I’m like, I can’t trust anyone in this fucking office anymore. Well, except you of course,” she smiled. You shot her a small smile back.

“Anyway, the whole thing was a shit show and I fixed the spreadsheets anyway. Which made me even more pissed since I wasn’t even the one to mess them up…”

Your eyes flicked down to your glass where you were twirling the ice around with your straw thoughtlessly.

“Can I get you both anything?”

You glanced up at the bartender who was leaning on the bar top. Before you could answer, your friend beat you to it.

“Yes, another long island for the love of god,” she said dramatically, finishing with a bat of her eyelashes at the man. You didn’t blame her, though. The bartender that worked on Thursday nights was quite the dreamboat.

He nodded at your friend, then flipped his eyes to you. You smiled and gave him a “sure”. Then, you turned back to your friend to continue listening.

“And I know the whole incident shouldn’t bother me that much, you know? Like it really wouldn’t bother me except the fact that she got the promotion last quarter really sent me over the edge…”

Another Moscow mule was placed in front of you, and you gave the bartender a voiceless thank you while your friend grabbed her long island, continuing her story.

“…so I feel like she’s just been out to get me this whole time! And I’m getting really sick and tired of it. Because did I tell you about the other day in the break room? God, it was really something else…”

You were suddenly distracted by the atmosphere of the bar itself. It was never super crowded around this time on Thursdays, but today was especially quiet. Only a few people scattered here and there, the music loud and echoey as there weren’t any voices to muffle it. Well, except your friend.

Oh, how lovely it would be tomorrow to work from home. Fridays were always “work from home”, a nice break from the hectic office. You always made sure to work ahead during the week so that you could be done early on Fridays. The warm bath, a glass of wine, and cuddly pajamas were so close, yet so far. God, you could hardly wait for the moment you would close your laptop and head to the bathroom, turning on your favorite music and—

“Go ahead and close my tab, please.”

Your friend’s voice broke you out of your running thoughts, and then you watched her as she gathered her coat and purse. She smiled at you, unaware that you had just been completely spacing out and—

“I love these little dates we have,” she grabbed your arm affectionately. “It really is a weight off my chest. Well, anyway, are you going to stay longer?”

She was leaving, you realized, but you had barely touched your Moscow mule. You also needed just a moment to process your day as well, so you nodded. “Yeah, I’m going to stay a bit longer.”

She smiled at you and squeezed your arm. “Okay, get home safe! See you Monday!”

And then she was walking away, and you waved her goodbye.

A much needed sigh fell out of your lips as you turned back to your drink. You loved being the listening ear your friend needed, but some silence to yourself was always nice too.

You just sat with your thoughts for a bit, staring at the grooved bar top wood and bringing your drink up to your lips every so often. Running your fingernail through the grooves of the wood, you began to space out and enjoy the momentary silence.

“Are you alright?”

The surprising, deep voice made you jump slightly, and you flipped your head up to the presence in front of you. It was the handsome bartender, scanning you over with little emotion. He leaned his arms on the edge of the table, rolled up sleeves exposing his forearms. His blonde hair was combed back neatly, and he had rather lovely brown eyes. You made sure not to stare too long.

“Oh, yes I’m alright!” You laughed dryly, looking down at the table. “Just…lost in thought… processing, I guess…”

You probably sounded so awkward, but the bartender had never sparked a conversation before. Scratch that. It wasn’t even a conversation. He was just making sure you weren’t about to pass out at his bar.

Your eyes flipped back up to his, and he kept a deadpan look. “Your friend talks a lot.”

You should’ve been taken aback by his rather blunt comment, but you couldn’t help but actually laugh this time. The bartender picked up a whiskey glass and a towel and started polishing it.

“Um,” you started. “Yeah. She’s great but…she always has a lot to say. I don’t mind it, though.”

You took a sip of your drink that was nearing the end. You usually never went for a third, and you were starting to feel its effects quite quickly.

The bartender just continued to polish the glasses in front of him. “Surprising.”

“How come?” You questioned.

“That you can deal with that every Thursday.”

You opened your mouth, surprised again by the man’s boldness but no words came out. You had no idea what to say, and you just stared at him for a moment.

“You know we come here every Thursday?” was what came out of your mouth eventually.

“Well, not many people are in here at four o’clock on a Thursday,” he said. “And you pair are the only ones who bother to sit at the bar.”

You never noticed it before, but thinking back, you realized that he was right. The bar was always pretty empty when you guys showed up. It was only when you were leaving did it start to get crowded. So it would make sense that the main bartender noticed when the same people came in on the same day every week.

“Right,” you said, looking down into your glass. “I guess I never really noticed. But I did notice you work every Thursday.”

Which was true, but as soon as the words came out of your mouth, you panicked, realizing how the statement sounded. Quickly, you looked up and waved your hand dismissively. “Not that I was looking at you or anything!”

The man paused his cleaning and flipped his eyes to you.

Panicking even more and the influence of alcohol making you too scatterbrained, you waved your hand even more. “Uh, n-not that I wouldn’t want to look at you! I definitely would—“

The man quirked his eyebrow again, and you were a lost cause.

“No!” You stammered. “I…I’m not saying that I would look at you. I mean, I’m looking at you right now but…I just meant I don’t, like, stare at you or anything. I just noticed that…you work…every Thursday…”

You trailed off, heat from embarrassment lighting your body on fire, and you rested your forehead on the palm of your hand with a sigh.

“I’m sorry,” you closed your eyes, hoping the ground would swallow you whole. “I—“

But you were cut off with a chuckle, and you peeked out of your fingers to look at him. He looked amused, setting down the glass and towel and leaning his arms on the bar top again.

“So you do have a lot to say, then,” he joked with a soft smirk.

You blushed even more, but this time from the smile that he was giving you. He really was a dreamboat.

“Um,” you mumbled. “Sometimes, I suppose.”

Just then, a laughing couple walked up to the bar and started sitting down. The bartender glanced at them, starting to move but he glanced back at you, a look in his eye that confused you. He shouldn’t feel like he had to keep talking to you.

“You can close my tab,” you smiled at him, pushing your glass slightly forward. “Thanks.”

You didn’t wait for him to say anything, just hopped off the stool and started putting your coat and mittens on. You heard him start to talk to the couple to get their orders. You just grabbed your purse and you were off.

But holy shit what was in those Moscow mules?

Okay, three was definitely your limit. No more than that from now on for sure. As you tipsily made your way to the door, you made sure to be careful that you walked up the two small steps with grace and concentration. Otherwise, if you tripped, everyone would surely see since there were only, what, five people in the entire place—

Your toe caught on the top step and you were about to catch yourself on the railing when…

“Ah—“

“Careful, there.”

A strong hand grabbed your elbow, steadying you and keeping you from falling flat on your face. Turning around to face your embarrassment, the bartender looked at you with amused eyes.

He pulled you up straight. “Are you okay?”

“Uh,” an embarrassed laugh escaped. “Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry.”

He nodded and let go of your elbow. “I came over to ask if you have a safe ride home.”

Eyebrows shooting up in surprise and panic, you waved your hand back and forth. “O-Oh! Yes, yes I’m all good. I’m going to take a cab.”

“You’re going to wait outside in this cold?” He asked, almost surprised.

Nervousness taking over and quick to reassure him, you smiled. “Yes! See, I have my mittens.”

Before you could stop yourself, you shoved your gloved hands in his face. He didn’t flinch at the action, but something flashed in his eyes.

“How about I call you a cab?” He suggested, taking your hands and moving them down away from his face. “They’re used to coming here, and that way you don’t have to wait in the cold.”

“Oh,” you said, pulling your hands to your side. “Um, you don’t have to. It’s not that cold.”

The bartender started to turn around despite your protest. “Call it a thank you for being a loyal customer.”

He gave you one last look before heading back towards the bar, and you were left shocked.

This guy is really nice, you thought. And extremely handsome—no, no don’t fall for your local bartender. You’re not that desperate.

Desperate was probably not the right word to describe it. Inexperienced and single for life were better terms, but it was rare these days that you found yourself so interested in a man. At this point in your life, when you still have never had a boyfriend or even a date in years, you felt like you had given up looking for a man. Because obviously none of them had been interested in you. So even though the bartender at first glance seemed nice, you could not let yourself daydream and get too attached to an idea that would never happen.

Though as you rode home in the cab, got home, and even as you were falling asleep, his brown eyes and small smile would not get out of your head.

———

Next Thursday, your friend had invited some other co-workers from the office to join in on your de-stress time. Word got around the office fast, and by eight o’ clock, what felt like the entire staff was at the bar.

The bar was crowded with others as well, and the normally quiet bar you thought you knew was filled with loud people and loud music. You sat squished in between your friend and another co-worker, sipping on your Moscow mule and listening to the various conversations that were happening around you.

You didn’t find yourself really going out much lately besides Thursday after work, and this was the first time in a while you were experiencing the nightlife at the bar. Your friend had actually convinced you to wear a proper “night out” outfit too, claiming you needed to let loose. After a few drinks, you were feeling a bit more comfortable in your slightly tighter and more revealing than usual clothing choices.

But you couldn’t say you were focused too much on what was happening at the table. For about the hundredth time that night, your eyes made their way over to the bar where he was, staying busy with the influx of people. His sleeves were pushed up like always, exposing his flexed forearms whenever he shook the cocktail shaker back and forth. He was so focused and sharp, and you would have never expected him to be so mesmerizing from far away.

“Hey, you good?” Your friend nudged you with a smile.

You had been spacing out. “Oh, yeah. I’m good.”

She leaned in with a mischievous smile. “By the way, you look super hot. I’ve seen Hiro look over at you a couple of times—“

“Shut up,” you cut her off with a harsh whisper. “No, he has not. Plus, I’m definitely not interested in Hiro. I can’t date someone who never remembers to zip his fly after he comes out of the bathroom.”

Your friend erupted in loud cackles and then looked down at the table. “Oh, looks like we both need another drink!”

“I got it,” said one of your co-workers who sat across the table. “I need another beer. Anyone else?”

Your friend asked for another drink, and he left to go to the bar. You watched him carefully as he stood and waited for the bartender to walk up. The bartender with lovely eyes and gorgeous everything else.

Stop it, you scolded yourself. Stop staring at him. He’s going to notice sooner or later.

You just sighed out and leaned your cheek on your hand. No matter how many times you told yourself to stop daydreaming about him, you couldn’t. That was just like you. Living out everything in your head and never in reality.

Suddenly, you felt a pair of eyes on you.

You stayed still but glanced over at the bar. The bartender’s brown-eyed gaze was staring at you, and your heart dropped into your stomach. Your co-worker was talking to him and getting the drinks, but his eyes stayed locked with yours. A sudden heat filled your cheeks and before you could glance away, the bartender nodded at your co-worker and walked away.

A breath you didn’t know you were holding released shakily from your nose. He had seen you. He was definitely looking at you. Right? No, no way. He was not looking at you. But wasn’t he? Who else would he have been looking at? Someone behind you? No, there was a wall behind you. Maybe he was looking at the wall very intentionally and intensely.

Because there was no way he could’ve been looking at you.

But you felt them once again. His eyes from across the entire bar were like he was drawing you to look at him. Heart fluttering rapidly in your chest, you glanced over again.

Your co-worker was making his way back, trying to balance three drinks in his hand, but your eyes were on him. And his eyes were on you, that intensity from before but something else too. You couldn’t place it because no one had ever looked at you like that. But through the dim lighting, through all the people, over the heads of those that sat at the bar, he was looking right at you.

Your co-worker was at the table then, standing in front of you and putting down the drinks, thus blocking your view of the bartender. Thankfully, this got you out of your head and back into reality, giving your co-worker a smile as you slid the drink towards you.

Though looking down into the drink, something caught your eye. Two limes.

Normally, there was only one lime in the Moscow mule. As you looked down at your drink still, you felt his eyes again.

“Hey, is something wrong with the drink? You did want a Moscow mule, right?” Your co-worker said across from you as he sat down.

You looked up at him with a quick smile. “No, it’s perfect. Thank you.”

He gave you a smile back before turning to whatever conversation was happening. You turned your eyes to the bar.

The bartender wasn’t looking at you, talking to somebody ordering a drink. But that quickly changed when you saw his eyes dart over to you for just a second, that look still making you feel flush and dizzy.

You brought the drink to your lips and took a sip. He watched you as you did, and even in the dark, you saw his eyes flash with something. But he looked away to give his attention to the busy bar.

You could so easily pass out where you were sitting.

He was…flirting with you. Maybe. Possibly?

You had no idea. All you knew was that he was most definitely looking at you and it was not helping you get over this growing semi-crush you had on him. Was really one conversation and a few glances across the bar really all it took for you to be drawn to him?

But he was looking at you, initiating the eye contact. Did that mean he was drawn to you, too?

“Hey, can you come to the bathroom with me?” Your friend leaned into your ear to talk over the loud music and chattering.

You nodded, and then she was grabbing your hand and leading you out of the mess of people when you realized the hallway to the restrooms was right next to the bar top.

He would definitely see you. Hell, he could be seeing you right now as your friend dragged you through the mess of people. Your heart was pounding loudly in your ears and you were so nervous you didn’t even glance or check to see if he might have been looking at you.

As you walked through the hallway to the restrooms, you noticed the entrance to behind the bar top also opened into the hallway, but you didn’t dare look through.

The restroom was a typical bar restroom, extremely small and cramped, and you and your friend had to wait in a small line. It gave you some time to calm down, to listen to your friend’s tipsy chatter and get away from the intensity of the bar. To calm your fast heart rate and to cool your flushed cheeks. Though that was partly because of the alcohol and definitely not because of your crush.

As you were washing your hands, the bathroom was filled with tipsy, loud chatter and lots of people, so you decided to leave to minimize the crowded area. You squeezed through people and opened the door, but just then you ran into someone walking out of the men’s restroom.

With an oof, you quickly stuttered an apology and tried to move out of the way, but the person moved with you.

Surprised, you looked up at the person through the dark to mutter another apology, but the stranger was smiling down at you.

“I’ve never seen you here before,” he started slurring. “What’s your name?”

Your stomach immediately felt hollow and it became hard to breathe. Where was your friend? You felt frozen, eyes darting around in a panic but he was blocking the entire hallway.

“Aw, don’t be shy,” the stranger took a step towards you. “Just tell me your name.”

Your only escape was the bathroom, so you turned around quickly to dart inside but the man was quick to move you against the wall. Feeling suddenly suffocated and frozen in fear, your voice failed to work.

His hand began to close in on you, making you step back hurriedly but the wall was in the way. “Ah—“

Another arm darted out in front of you, catching the wrist of the stranger. You recognized the arm. Toned forearms, white sleeves pushed up to the elbows. The bartender.

“Beat it,” his low voice growled at the stranger, and the stranger was gone as quickly as he came.

You let out a tense breath, feeling dizzy from the aftermath of the panic. Hell, you were feeling dizzy from so many things. The alcohol, your nervousness, your panic, your strange feelings for the bartender that was currently ducking down to meet your gaze.

“Hey, hey,” his voice floated under the loudness of the bar. “Are you okay?”

You met his concerned brown eyes despite your current frozen state, and you opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Eyes growing more concerned, the bartender gently placed his hand over your upper arm, causing you to feel more present. The loudness of the bar seemed to fade, and he became the only thing you were focused on.

“Did he touch you?” He asked, eyes darting all around your face. “Did he hurt you?”

His words registered this time, and you quickly shook your head. “No,” you said quietly, almost in a whisper.

You heard him sigh quietly out of his nose, and his hand left your arm. “Where’s your friend?”

“I…don’t know,” the words came out shaky, and you felt slightly embarrassed. You didn’t want to cause anyone worry. The bartender had put an immediate stop to it. Yet apparently, you were still shaken up.

“I need to…” you put a shaky hand up to your forehead and swallowed thickly. “I need—“

The bartender put his hand back up to your upper arm and his other one went to your elbow, ducking down further to meet your wandering, panicky eyes.

“Hey,” he said. “You’re safe now.”

You looked into his eyes, truly this time. They were so serious and honest, and his hold on you made you feel safe. Calmer. Still holding eye contact, you took a deep breath in and out.

“I’m sorry,” you said reflexively. “I didn’t mean to—“

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” the bartender interrupted you. “Nothing at all.”

Your heart swelled with gratitude, allowing another breath to escape you. “Thank you, really, thank you so much…um…”

“Nanami,” he said. “Kento Nanami.”

A small smile shaped your lips. “Thank you, Nanami.”

Just then, the bathroom door opened. “Oh—hey, what’s going on?”

Your friend had finally made her way out of the bathroom, moving to stand in front of her and pushing the bartender to the side. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”

You must have looked shaken up. “I’m okay,” you reassured her, the shakiness of your voice slowly disappearing. “I just—“

You both realized that Nanami had walked away just then, and you both watched as he made his way into the main part of the place where people were drinking and eating. You immediately eyed the man who had tried to make a move on you, laughing and chatting with his table and friends.

The way Nanami stalked over there would have left anyone quaking in their shoes. You started to walk after him, not wanting to cause any trouble and your friend followed. Both of you stopped at the end of the hallway as you watched Nanami grab the man by his collar and bring him up to stand at his feet.

“I thought I told you to beat it,” Nanami said, and even under the loud noise of the bar, you could tell his tone was intimidating as hell.

“H-Hey man, I thought we were cool,” the man stuttered, eyes wide in fear. “I didn’t mean to—“

“I told you to beat it,” Nanami said again, shoving the man backward and making him stumble. “That means get the hell out of my bar.”

His bar?

The man didn’t waste any time grabbing his jacket and stumbling to the exit. Nanami gave all of the man’s friends one look, and they soon stumbled after him, leaving the bar as well. The altercation had caught some people’s attention, but they quickly turned back to their conversations and meals.

“Did that sleazy guy try something with you?” Your friend said with wide eyes as she turned to you.

“Um…yeah. Outside of the bathroom,” you explained. “He was drunk.”

“Oh my god,” your friend breathed out. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t—“

“No, it’s okay,” you smiled, though you still felt slightly shaky. “Nanami—uh, the bartender handled it. I’m okay. But I think…I’m just gonna head home.”

Your friend nodded hurriedly. “Of course. Do you want me to go get your stuff? So you don’t have to explain it to everyone…”

Her thoughtfulness made you grateful as well. “Yeah, that would be good. Thank you.”

She smiled and quickly headed to where your co-workers were sitting towards the edge of the bar. Heading towards you was Nanami, and you felt nervous facing him. You had no idea how to even begin to express your gratitude.

He approached you where you stood in front of the hallway, running a hand through his blonde hair. “I’m sorry for causing a scene like that, but I don’t tolerate anything like that in my bar.”

You nodded. “It’s okay, really. I just…I really don’t know how grateful I am that you were there. Thank you…so, so much. I appreciate it so much.”

Nanami looked down at you with those serious eyes, giving you a nod. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

You nodded again. “Yeah, but I think I’m just going to head home.”

“Let me call you a cab,” Nanami said while walking past you, but not without placing his hand on the small of your back while he did. The tender action made you feel safe again.

He stood in the entrance to behind the bar top, pulling a rather dated landline off the wall and punching in a number. You stood awkwardly as people walked around you to go in and out of the bathrooms, so you decided to go stand next to Nanami while he called.

He eyed you as you nervously walked up next to him to stand in the entranceway, but you averted your eyes. You kept looking out for your friend.

“Hey, it’s Juju’s…yeah, it’s Kento…hello, Kiyo…yeah, can I—yes I’m fine…”

“Psst.”

The sudden voice behind you startled you, and you bumped into Nanami’s side as you turned around to see who had just spoken.

A man with white hair and interesting sunglasses sitting on the bridge of his nose you guessed was a bartender that was working leaned down and looked at you with a striking smile. You pressed further into Nanami’s side.

“Hey,” the man whispered. “Be honest, are you the chick that he’s been going on about—“

The slam of the phone on the wall startled you both, and Nanami’s sharp eyes were glaring down at the white-haired man.

“Get back to work, Gojo,” Nanami gritted through his teeth, obviously annoyed.

The man giggled and went back to making drinks, and Nanami sighed. His annoyance towards his co-worker was quite amusing, but you made sure to hide your small smile.

“The cab is on the way,” Nanami said to you.

“Thank you, really,” you said again. “Thank you so much.”

You were extremely grateful for him and his kindness, but you were so ready to go home. Nothing like that had ever happened to you, and while Nanami had swooped in to save the day, you were still having a hard time processing it all.

Just then, your friend came through the hallway and spotted you. She had your coat and purse in her arms. “Here you go. Everyone was asking what happened but I just told them that you weren’t feeling well.”

Grabbing your things from her, you smiled. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

She gave you a smile before going in for a hug. “Take care of yourself, okay? See you Monday.”

You waved her goodbye as she went back into the bar, and then you were standing alone with Nanami once again.

“Here,” he said, and you looked to see him gesturing toward your purse.

“Oh, thanks,” you said, handing it to him to put your coat on.

But when you went to turn around to put it on, Nanami grabbed one of the sleeves and lifted it up to help you get it on easier. The sweet action made you feel flush again, and you turned around to get your purse.

“Aren’t you forgetting your mittens?” Nanami asked deadpan while handing you your purse.

You blinked at him, then burst out laughing. His comment was just what you needed to finally fully relax and break the tension you felt inside. Still laughing, you reached into your pockets and pulled your mittens. “Right here. Thanks for reminding me.”

His brown eyes glittered, but he stayed straight-faced. “I’ll go wait outside with you.”

Before you could protest, Nanami put his hand on the small of your back again and started leading you out of the loud bar. He kept you close, making sure to lead you safely through all of the people, and you made sure to keep close, too.

As he opened the door for you and the cold outside air breezed in, you turned to him while walking out. “Hey, aren’t you working right now?”

“Gojo can handle it,” he said, stopping next to the wall, and you followed. “And I can leave at whatever time I want.”

He paused for a moment before continuing. “Since I’m the owner.”

Your mouth parted slightly in surprise at his words, but Nanami continued again. “And, there should be some more people coming in for their shift soon.”

“I didn’t know you owned the bar,” You stated with interest, breath visible in the cold air as you spoke.

Nanami crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the brick wall, looking straight ahead. “Co-own. With Gojo.”

You had no idea that he was the owner of the bar along with that white-haired guy that had spoken to you. Not knowing what to say and still in slight shock from the new information, you just said, “It’s a really nice bar.”

Nanami laughed through his nose. “Thank you. I would hope you think so, at least. Since you are here every week.”

You smiled and put your hands in your pockets. “Well, you do make the best Moscow mules I’ve ever had.”

Nanami looked down at you at your words, and the look in his eyes made your heart flutter again.

But his forearms that he had crossed over his chest caught your eyes, goosebumps lining them. You gasped, taking a step towards him. “Where is your coat?”

He looked at you, confused for a moment before shrugging. “I’m fine.”

Before you could stop yourself, you grabbed his arms and uncrossed them. You reached for his hands and pressed them together, holding them in between your gloved hands.

“You’re going to catch cold,” you said, staring at his hands in yours.

The reality of what you had just done hit you like a brick. Why in the hell would you grab him like that? Why the hell were you currently holding his hands? The boldness of your actions was so, so unlike you and all you could do was just stare at his hands in between your soft, pink mittens.

Nanami didn’t say anything either. You two stood in silence, the sound of people walking on the sidewalk and traffic zooming by filling the air. But your eyes stayed locked, frozen in a moment of something like intimacy.

“What’s your name?” Nanami blurted out.

It was only now you realized he didn’t even know your name. You told him, and his eyes lit up for a second before breaking eye contact and looking out over your head. “Good to know.”

You smiled then and looked down so he couldn’t see. You felt like you smiled way too much around him.

(Though little did you know, he had glanced down at you, saw the sweet smile on your face, and had to stop his smile, too.)

“Um,” you spoke up, looking at him once again. “Did you always want to own a bar?”

“No,” Nanami said with a straight face. “I was talked into it.”

Confused by his statement, you stared at him to continue. “After I graduated from college, my classmate Gojo, who you saw, convinced me to take on the endeavor with him. So we opened the bar right here and the rest is history.”

A playful grin made it’s way to your face. “So, I guess you owe Gojo your success then?”

Nanami stayed stoic. “I suppose. But I would never say that to him. I would hate to see his ego inflate even more.”

You laughed and nodded in understanding. “I see.”

The sound of a cab slowly pulling up to the curb made both you and Nanami turn.

“There’s Kiyo,” Nanami mumbled, and you let go of his hands and let yours fall to your side.

The window of the cab pulled down and a man leaned over. “Hey there Mr. Nanami!”

Glancing up at Nanami, you let him lead you to the cab with his hand returning to the small of your back again. You noticed the kind-looking cab driver who seemed to know Nanami well.

“How’s the evening going, Mr. Nanami? Busy tonight?” Kiyo peered through the window at Nanami.

Nanami grabbed the handle of the cab door. “Get her home safe, Kiyo. 

Nanami opened the door and you started to make your way in, but you felt an urgency once more. Like you couldn’t just leave him. Not yet.

Nanami’s arm rested on the top of the cab door, but you quickly turned around and opened your mouth to speak, the proximity rather close as you began.

“Nanami, thank you again,” your heart was beating in your ears. “You’re very kind.”

The proximity was a lot closer than you had anticipated, but you just stood there, staring into those brown eyes that you knew you wouldn’t stop thinking about all night. Nanami was staring right back at you too, eyebrows slightly raised.

Then he opened his mouth, closed it, and tore his eyes away. “Of course. Any time.”

Was it just the trick of the streetlights, or was Nanami…blushing?

You felt your cheeks warm too, and then you smiled. “Um, o-okay. Well, have a good night.”

Nanami only met your eyes for a second. “You too. Get home safe.”

You finally ducked under the door frame and settled in the back of the cab. Getting on your seatbelt, Nanami gave you one last look and one last small smile as he shut the door. Then, he poked his head in the passenger window.

“I mean it, Kiyo. Get her home safe.”

“Roger that, Mr. Nanami!”

Then, the cab rolled away, and you had to fight back from turning around in your seat to take one last look at Nanami. Instead, you leaned your head on the window, trying to calm your heart and the feeling in your stomach.

“Are you and Mr. Nanami friends or something?”

The cab driver was asking you a question. Friends? “Uh, no, not really. He just…makes sure I have a ride home sometimes.”

Kiyo made a face you could see in the rearview mirror. “Huh. Funny.”

“What’s funny?” You decided to inquire.

Kiyo laughed lightly. “Oh, nothing. It’s just Mr. Nanami isn’t usually so…concerned about his customers. He must really like you. Anyway, what’s the destination?”

He must really like you. Whatever that meant, it made your heart flutter. You gave Kiyo the directions and leaned your head back on the window, watching the downtown go by.

The feeling of him never left you the entire night.

[phoenixyfriend]

In Which Palpatine Leaves the Door Open

So, @purronronner suggested this on discord:

au where anakin finds out about palpatine during clone wars era like, coming in for a visit and overhears a conversation with Dooku about war planning he’s been pulled between palpatine and the Jedi/obi-wan/various things but I want to see him pulled between palpatine and his men could go either way on the sith part of the reveal even

palpatine is not aware! unless anakin’s course of action is to go “hey palpatine I must have misunderstood something right? :(“

(This was a group effort but there's a thing I wrote that requires this context so please bear with me.)

I'm just imagining Anakin backing out, closing the door, and turning to the Corrie Guard by the door to say a thing... and not finding words.

Eventually "Did you guys know he was evil?" "He's a politician, sir." "But like the evil ranting..." "He's a politician. Sir."

He's willing to use his men to save R2, but that's because R2 was part of the team and helping, not arranging battles to make things worse.

Anakin: Normally, I'd go to Palpatine to talk about my problems, but right now he is the problem... Obi-Wan and Yoda are off-planet.... Anakin, phoning up Padme: Help?

Per @atagotiak we also have some Intense Thoughts

Oh hey. The deception arc. And the subsequent argument that we don't see and stuff. Like there's all the ways you could justify it especially from an opsec standpoint (If Anakin acts like that around Padme why would anyone assume he can keep a secret about anything?) And it was a pretty tactically important thing for the war as far as anyone knew. But just. I've heard some people say that perhaps also Obi-Wan reasoned that hurting Anakin is an ok price to pay to make sure someone Anakin cares for doesn't die for real which seems plausible enough.

Anyways. My point is. Anakin gets a front row seat to sheevception when he actually sorta knows whats going on. Gets sidetracked halfway through yelling and stuff to think about how convoluted this whole mess is.

For more clone-centric things all the times Palpatine's like "I wish I could do more, it's truly regrettable, but..." Would just seem awfully fake now.

Anakin, belatedly: Wait, does this mean that, behind all the layers of bullshit, Palpatine was the one trying to kill Padme at the start of the war???

WHICH IS WHAT LEADS TO A WHOLE LOT OF FUN and yes this is the part I'm sort of proud of.

Okay so: Anakin's a shit liar, yes?

After he meanders over to Padme and has a breakdown, he then goes off to tell the Council about all this. I imagine she goes with him as moral support, and also because she wants to protect him from them calling him out on his legitimately terrible decisions. They're trying to come up with a plan to take Palpatine down without tipping their hands too early, because they need to investigate; for the sake of this plot point, we'll say that Palpatine mentioned a contingency plan while talking to Dooku, even if he didn't directly name the chips.

Someone mentions that Palpatine is going to ask to see Anakin, because he does regularly. And, as experience has shown, there is very little that will stop Palpatine from insisting that Anakin come see him. They can stall for a bit, maybe, but not for long.

"You could send me to the other side of the galaxy," Anakin suggests. "Short notice, so sorry, won't be around for a bit."

They point out that won't work forever.

"So... arrest me, or put me on a mental health hold?" Anakin tries. "Say I got violent at civilians or the clones for no reason and you need to make sure I won't hurt him, and then even if he visits me in the cell, I don't have to act normal 'cause he'll EXPECT me to be upset."

Palpatine presumably has spies all over, so he'd know that hadn't actually happened. Also, Anakin's too important to the war effort for anything short of a cold-blooded murder of an innocent, and they can't just take him off the field without an absolutely massive violation of the Code or his orders.

"Tell him I Fell," Anakin offers.

A Sith Lord would be able to feel that from across the galaxy, if it had happened, especially with the amount of time that he's put into grooming Anakin.

"Oh," Anakin says, and his stomach drops out as he realizes that he can either keep his secrets, or keep people alive.

He thinks about how Palpatine had targeted Padme already, and how if Palpatine thinks Anakin's betrayed him, then he'll probably do that again.

He thinks about 'a Sith Lord would know' and realizes... well.

Anakin values his freedom, but he also values his men, his padawan, his master, his wife... the wife that's in danger if Palpatine knows that Anakin caught him out.

The Order has to keep Anakin away from Palpatine. They need an excuse to arrest him. They need an excuse to hide him away, one that Palpatine won't question too hard.

A Sith Lord would know if Anakin fell. Even if he came back afterwards.

"So... so tell him you found out about the Tusken Massacre."

The what.

"...tell him you found out about the time I actually did Fall," Anakin says, squeezing Padme's hand. She knows. She's the only one who knows, on Coruscant, other than the Sith they're hunting. "On... on Tatooine. You can claim it was an anonymous tip. He already knows about that one. He's one of the only two people outside Tatooine that do. He might not question it."

(He won't question it.)

What did you do, Skywalker.

"I killed... a lot of people. A Tusken tribe. Including the children. Right before the war hit."

----

It's a hell of a way to fall on his figurative sword.

(Mace is... both impressed that Anakin would take the hit to make sure they can handle the Palpatine problem, and horrified about the Massacre, because... who wouldn't be.)

(Mace is unfortunately Anakin's main handler on this project.)

Anakin puts in so much effort, all the time, into not Falling, so it’s surprisingly (terrifyingly!) easy for him to fake a 'near miss' with the Dark just by thinking really hard about things that make him angry. Nobody wants him actually Falling for the ploy if they can help it, but they need to sell the bit, and Anakin's... well. He's Anakin. It's easy to think about his own emotional volatility until any control goes out the window.

He's sacrificing a lot for this mission! It's fine! He's fine!

(Padme, the council is judging you so hard right now.)

Palpatine comes to visit Anakin in prison, and it is very easy for Anakin to disguise his anger as... a different anger. I have a very intense mental image of Anakin working himself up into a frenzy when Palpatine comes to visit, and then at some point in the following conversation he just snaps something about how "you said they were animals who deserved to die."

The Council can even eke it out a bit, make it so they don't want to admit why Anakin's in prison or under a psychiatric hold or whatever they claim it is, so their "I'm hiding something vibes" look like "I'm hiding the fact that one of our most recognizable war heroes just came clean as a mass murderer and we have no idea how to handle it" instead of "I'm hiding that we know you're a Sith Lord and are working to take you down."

Obi-Wan comes back from an off-world mission to find out that Mace arrested his former padawan and Ahsoka hasn't stopped crying for three days because nobody will tell her what's going on.

(The Council decided this couldn't be risked on even an encrypted comm.)

(They maybe tell him soon enough? But also they might treat it like the Hardeen thing and use his reaction as fuel to keep Palpatine convinced.)

SKYGUY GOT ARRESTED AND NOBODY'S EXPLAINING WHY.

Rex is overwhelmed because it's been his job to keep her calm.

Anyway, padawanship has been temporarily transferred to the grandmaster. You were half-training her anyway.

Insert a subplot about Obi-Wan being horrified and betrayed and aiming the feeling at Padme because she knew about the Tuskens and never told.

[anonymouscomrade]

Mid-August 2024 "Going To Your Dad's Funeral After His Sudden Death" Edition:

it's too fucking hot to be doing this. come on, old man, you couldn't have hung on until, say, october? of maybe 2050?

a lot of weird yard signs saying "JESUS 2024". you sarcastically wonder to yourself what that's supposed to be code for

there's construction work on the lane going the opposite of yours. google maps will route you this way when you go back home. this will be the second worst thing that happens to you that day

you pass through a small town. one of the first things you see is some fossilized old bat in a Trump shirt sitting on her porch with two Don't Tread On Me flags hanging on it. you suppose it never really dawned on you until now, but you're not sure how you missed it every time you came through here, with all the confederate flags and decals on trucks. you would gladly trade the life of every single inhabitant of this fucking sundown town if it meant dad got even six more months

you arrive at what's now mom's place, you guess. everything still feels surreal, like he's gonna answer the door and it'll turn out you were mistaken about this whole thing somehow

you ask how it happened, and immediately regret it. turns out it was super-sudden, at least. dude probably never even had time to realize something was wrong before he was gone, let alone time to suffer. the tradeoff, of course, is that the neighbor's six-year-old kid is scarred for life because he's the one who found him face-down on the ground

there's so much food. hams, casseroles, fried chicken, four different potato dishes, sandwich meats. if people in the south can be counted on for one thing, it's making sure the grieving family's next twenty meals are taken care of. how could one man possibly have known this many people

you and your brothers spend most of the rest of the night playing Smash Bros. the CPU easily racks up most of the wins. all three of you joke about how rusty you've all gotten at this game, rather than address the obvious distraction

it's 3 AM and you're still awake because it's tomorrow. you see a possum in the yard from the window. that's not nothing, you suppose

the anticipation is worse than the actual event, you're sure. funerals are a fucking dog and pony show designed to extract money from the ones left behind, a bullshit ceremony of performative grief that doesn't help anyone who actually knew the dead guy--

oh my god they're burying him in his overalls and baseball hat. that's genuinely funny, the man had the wardrobe of a cartoon character. he absolutely would have wanted this instead of being put in a suit or something

all of dad's old friends immediately recognize you despite the last time you saw a lot of these people in person being sometime in 1989

you don't show up until there's only thirty minutes of visitation left before the actual funeral gets underway. you tell yourself it's to keep your mom company at her place because that's when she's going, and definitely not because funerals are stressful enough when you aren't related to whoever it's for

oh god he was drafted for the Vietnam war, you completely forgot there's going to be military honors at the burial. you skip out before the burial. everyone in your family has told you that's okay, and you know he'd be fine with it too. you still feel guilty about it. but not guilty enough to turn back

people are out living their lives, going to work, eating food, paying rent. the world keeps turning. just... without your dad now.

...seriously though what the fuck was up with those JESUS 2024 signs

driving through the american south to meet the folks for the holidays is always weird because you're constantly passing by the same things:

Dollar General store out in the middle of nowhere that has to be on the very edge of a small town you've never seen because there's no way they do enough business to stay open otherwise

barn that you're 99% sure predates the civil war and nobody alive has seen the inside of

pile of gravel, lumber, or tires that's been there since before you were born

distressing number of roadkill deer carcasses, most look like the deer just fell over dead on the side of the road but there's always at least one that looks like it exploded on contact

a small town that either has five churches all named First Baptist Church or one giant church that cost more to build than all the rest of the buildings in town combined

huge factory that looks like it was built in the 50s and then immediately abandoned, except everyone in a twenty mile radius knows someone who used to work there

gas station that closed in the 90s, with 90s gas prices still on the sign

the most hideous McMansion you've ever laid eyes on, built by someone who thought having a giant house with zero function and that looks pretty cool if you're a used car dealer in a flyover state but not to anyone else is totally worth living at least a half-hour away from any store or emergency services

[frogtanii]

iwaizumi was... overwhelmed, to say the least.

the past few days had been such a whirlwind of change that hajime could barely properly process, much less appropriately react to it all, so he behaved much like a zombie, saying yes when prompted, signing papers when told, and packing up what was his entire life for the past 11 months.

wow. iwaizumi collapsed on his bed as he scanned his now barren bedroom. he’d been here for almost a year and yet, all his belongings were in boxes within a couple of days.

hajime couldn’t keep the disbelieving chuckle from escaping his chest as he leaned back on his bed, dark brown eyes trained on the ceiling.

it felt like he’d spent such a large chunk of his life trapped in this house, under the foot of the woman who he thought he’d marry but in reality, he’d been in little leagues longer than he’d been in love.

iwaizumi scoffed and rolled his eyes. yeah, “in love”. it’d been about a week since his whole life started to unravel and he had hardly seen, let alone spoken to meiko throughout that entire time.

over text, she’d sworn up and down that she loved and cared about him but as she passed by him packing his things a few days ago, she’d barely spared him a second glance.

hajime wasn’t going to lie. it hurt. he’d opened his heart up to her, something he didn’t do easily, and she’d taken his trust and used it to twist him into her weapon.

he always believed he was stronger than this — he’d never forget his mother telling him so when he was younger. he had fallen and scraped his knee yet he refused to cry to keep from upsetting his mom. iwaizumi existed to live up to what his mother thought of him but here he was, completely enveloped in meiko’s shit, doing her dirty work and following her bidding like some mutt.

god, toorū was right. he really was her bitch.

“i could hear you thinking from down the hall, iwa-chan.” speak of the devil...

oikawa stood at his doorway, leaning against the frame with a posture that seemed relaxed at first glance but if you looked a little closer, you’d notice the tenseness in his shoulders and the tightness of his smile.

hajime quickly sat up on his bed before motioning for his old friend to enter. “uh, yeah,” he began, his voice cracking a little from disuse, “i have a lot to think about.”

the light haired brunette let out an understanding hum before wandering into the room, sharp observant eyes darting to look at all the empty walls. “looks like you’re all packed.”

“pretty much,” iwaizumi nodded before the room fell into an awkward silence, the two childhood friends completely avoiding one another’s eyes.

“look, i-“

“iwa-chan, i’m-“

they both paused for a moment before bursting into laughter, the sound carrying into the hall and throughout the house.

hajime wiped a few stray tears from his eyes, shaking his head at their awkwardness. “you first, shittykawa.”

toorū gasped in halfhearted mock offense before quickly sobering up, training iwaizumi with a completely serious look. “i’m sorry and before you go on some bullshit, self sacrificing rant, you’re not the only one to blame for what happened to our friendship.”

he sighed while making his way to iwaizumi’s bed, sitting down gently beside him. “i should’ve known better, okay? i shouldn’t have let my jealousy and insecurities get in between us but i guess i got swept up in the attention, yknow? meiko is actually charming when she wants to be.”

iwaizumi nodded in agreement, knowing all too well how compelling meiko could be. the room fell into a more comfortable silence as both boys escaped into their thoughts, questions about the future of their friendship flitting throughout their minds.

“oh!” oikawa was pulled out of his own head at hajime’s exclamation, his eyes moving to observe his friend dig through his pockets to procure a thick white envelope. “here. i’d like you to give this yn.”

all toorū could do was nod, his brain short circuiting at the sight of iwaizumi’s apparent kindness to the woman he tormented for so long. “uh, what’s in it?” he ventured to ask, his soft hands toying with the sealed envelope flap.

a soft chuckle came from across the bed. “don’t be so nosy toorū, just give it to her, yeah?” oikawa rolled his eyes but obliged, the bed creaking as he stood to his feet.

“so... this is it, huh?” it was like the reality of the situation was just now sinking in — they hadn’t been close in a while but iwaizumi was still his best friend and he wasn’t quite ready to let him go.

they’d been through so much together, practically growing up together and now, they’d only see each other on holidays, if even then, and then he’d never be invited to hajime’s wedding as his best man as they’d planned and he also wouldn’t be the coolest uncle/godfather of iwa’s children and—

“fuck no,” hajime scoffed with a bright grin on his face. “thought you were gonna annoy me til the end of time shittykawa. don’t tell me you’re quitting your job now.”

the hidden meaning behind iwaizumi’s words brought tears to oikawa’s eyes and before he could stop himself, he launched his body into iwa’s arms. hajime hesitated, his hands stuttering at toorū’s sides as though he’d forgotten how to hug but the feeling passed, his arms winding around his friend’s lithe waist.

“‘m gonna miss you hajime,” oikawa’s voice came out as a broken whimper, his arms tightening around his shoulders.

iwaizumi hummed instead of responding, too afraid of his voice cracking under the weight of his emotions. they stood there for a moment but the honk of the moving truck outside signaled the both of them of their limited time.

hurriedly, oikawa wiped the tears off his cheeks before waving awkwardly at iwaizumi as he left the room with a friendly, “don’t be a stranger.”

and then he was gone.

toorū finally allowed himself to collapse into sobs on his best friends empty bed, his palms pressing into his eyes as he sat there and just let himself feel.

apparently, he wasn’t crying very quietly because it took only a few moments for you to find him, your soft footsteps alerting him to your presence. oikawa scrambled to wipe away what he knew was an unattractive mixture of tears and snot as you got closer.

you were one of the last people he wanted to see him like this.

“hey,” you whispered, standing a few feet away from him. “um, i know this is probably a bad time but i just wanted to thank you for apologizing? back at the awards show?”

toorū sniffed as he looked up at you with confusion written on his face. “what? you shouldn’t thank me for apologizing. ‘s common courtesy.”

you laughed softly, nodding in agreement. “well, not always. so, thank you.” finished with your piece and not too keen on lingering where you weren’t wanted, you moved towards the door but were swiftly stopped before you got there.

“um, here. it’s from iwa-chan.” you gaped at the thick envelope oikawa was handing you before taking it and opening it, a low curse falling from your lips.

inside the package was a dense wad of cash, more money than you’d seen in months. accompanied with it was a letter, written in beautifully loopy handwriting.

you shut it quickly before oikawa could see, stuffing the envelope deep within your pocket where you could access it alone in the depths of your room.

“do you wanna come eat? last i heard, bokuto and tsumu were doing a cooking competition and i’m sure it’ll be fun to watch.” you were severely thrown off by the money and letter but you were determined to show toorū that you’d accepted his apology and were on your way to making amends.

he gave you a shy nod and trailed behind you to the kitchen, the loud sounds of fire and screaming coming from down the hall. you wanted to focus on the fun and merriment but the envelope was practically burning a hole in your pocket.

later that night, you finally got the chance to open the letter and read it, your former manager’s words bringing tears to your eyes.

dear yn,

i’m probably the last person you expected to hear from. you probably didn’t want to hear from me at all if i’m being honest and i don’t blame you. i know there is nothing i can say that could make up for what i’ve done to you but i’d like to try.

i’m sorry. those words don’t nearly express in and of themselves how truly remorseful i am but they needed to be said. there’s no excuse for how i treated you — not meiko, not my stress, absolutely nothing.

you deserved my common decency and respect and i didn’t give that to you. instead, i abused my position and made your life hell. i’ll never forgive myself for that.

uh, i bet you’re wondering what the money is? i promise i’m not trying to pay you off, it’s just all the money i’ve denied you since you moved here. i have a lot of wrongs to right and this is one of them.

sorry, i’m not very good with words but i just wanted you to know that i’m very sorry for everything that i’ve done. and i’m in no place to make demands or anything but i just wanted to ask if you’d keep an eye on oikawa for me.

he’s strong but he’s also vulnerable. he might be a pain in my ass but he’s my best friend and since i can’t keep him from drowning, i was wondering if you’d do that - not for me but for him.

anyways, this letter is shit but i suppose you get the gist. use the money for whatever you want and if you’re as unselfish as i’ve heard, you don’t owe me anything. you don’t owe me money, kindness, or forgiveness.

take care of yourself,

iwaizumi hajime

℗ poker face

so... this is it

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - soooo m back :D hopefully this is the last of my mini hiatuses!! this chapter sucked to write but i’m not mad at how it turned out?? pls let me know how i did skjdkd don’t forget to feed me <3333

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @syndellwins • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saikishairclip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

Not Enough

has anyone else just wanted Danny to go completely fucking feral at Dash? anyone?

yeah me too

this is some truly self-indulgent shit y'all

"Hey Fenton!"

Danny slammed his locker shut, sighing as Dash clapped him roughly on the shoulder.

"I'm throwin' a huge ass Halloween party this weekend, ghosts are all about Halloween right? You should totally come!"

It wasn't the first party Danny had been invited to since being outed as Phantom, but somehow Dash didn't seem to get the hint that he wasn't even remotely interested.

"No." Danny snapped, he threw his bag over his shoulder and turned his back on Dash, walking away without another word.

"What's your problem?"

Danny stopped, turning back around with a face of utter disdain.

"Excuse me?"

"I've been trying to be nice, but all you do is just brush me off! Like you can't even pretend to be busy or something?"

Danny stared, mouth halfway open as he tried to find the words to respond.

"Are you actually serious?" he finally choked out, almost too bewildered to be angry.

Almost.

"You're not still mad about all that stuff from before right?" Dash asked. "Like, I don't even do that shit anymore, it's over."

"Is it?" Danny's eyes flashed brightly and Dash took a half step back as the air went cold. "Because I'm pretty sure it was just yesterday that I pulled Mikey out of his locker."

"Well, yeah but that was Mikey." Dash laughed. "C'mon man, I wouldn't do that to you. We're totally cool now, so why you gotta keep blowing me off? You talk to Kwan like it's not big deal, and he used to wail on you all the time!"

Danny took a deep, slow breath, then another.

"Have you considered that maybe it's because I don't like you?" Danny said through gritted teeth.

Dash huffed, shoving his hands into his pockets and staring at the ground.

"Look, I get it, I was a jerk, but it's over! I'm actually trying to be nice, now you're the one being an asshole."

Danny looked as though he'd been slapped.

"You're such a fucking idiot Dash." Said Danny, his voice trembling with barely restrained rage. "You can't just treat someone like shit every single day for two years and then expect them to get over it because you invited them to a few parties."

"Then how come Kwan gets to hang out with you?" Dash could feel his face heating up. "You're just gonna let him off the hook? That's not fair!"

"HE APOLOGISED!"

In one thunderous moment, every locker in the hallway slammed open, sending papers and books flying across the floor. The few students still packing up their things got the fuck out of dodge, whether this was a ghost thing or a Fenton thing (was there even a difference at this point?) they wanted no part of it.

Dash couldn't move, his feet felt heavy, he wasn't entirely sure if Danny had done something to him with his ghost powers, or if he was just afraid.

Because he was certainly afraid.

Even after everyone found out, Danny still didn't use his powers at school unless it was a ghost emergency. He didn't use them for pranks, didn't use them to get even, didn't even use them to show off.

But he was sure as hell using them now, and Dash suddenly realised why he was always holding himself back.

He was terrifying.

Danny took a few steps forward, stopping barely an arm's length away from where Dash was rooted to the spot, trembling.

"Kwan apologised to me." He said, quietly this time. "He apologised to my friends, he even apologised to some other kids, and when I told him that I wasn't ready to forgive him, he accepted that and left me alone until I was ready to talk to him again."

Dash wanted to speak, but he couldn't seem to make his brain form the words he needed, it was too busy buzzing with danger run danger get out run run RUN.

"You made every single day of my life miserable for two whole fucking years, and that isn't even counting the bullshit you pulled in middle school. How do you feel right now Dash? Does it scare you to be around me? Does it scare you to be at the mercy of someone that you know damn well can hurt you?" Danny leant in, grabbing a fistful of letterman jacket. "I hope it does, because now maybe you'll have an idea what it was like for me going to school every fucking day knowing that you would be there, ready and waiting to hurt me. Every single FUCKING day."

Dash found himself being thrown backwards, his feet finally able to move again as he caught himself.

"I'm s-sor-sorry." he mumbled, his lips felt numb and tingly and his head swam with panic as he struggled to get the words out. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Are you?" Danny's voice cracked, his face wasn't twisted in rage anymore, his eyes were blue once again, and shining with tears. "Are you really sorry for hurting me? Or are you just sorry that the guy you were beating the shit out of turned out to be Phantom?"

"I didn't... I didn't know." Dash gasped out, he could barely hear his own words, all he could hear was his own heart beating loudly in his ears as he struggled to draw in breath. "I didn't know it was like that, I just thought-"

Thought what? What had he thought? That he wasn't really hurting anyone? That it wasn't that big a deal?

No, he hadn't thought that, because he hadn't thought at all.

"And you're gonna stand here and tell me I'm an asshole." Danny was almost sobbing as he raggedly spat out each word. "Because I won't forgive you for something you never even apologised for. This is the first time you even acknowledged that you were an absolute jerk to me, and you followed it up by demanding that I just get over it."

Dash stared down at the floor, it sounded terrible when Danny put it like that.

"I wasn't... demanding anything." he said, he was embarrassed by how whiny he sounded. "I was just trying to make it up to you, I was trying, I just thought... it's not fair that I can't have second chance. I was trying so hard and all I wanted was a second chance-"

"I DON'T CARE." Danny's eyes were screwed up tight, but it didn't stop the tears of fury from pouring down his cheeks, his voice so shredded with pain it was barely recognisable. "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU. I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT. I DON'T OWE YOU A SECOND CHANCE. I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING. YOU FUCKED ME UP AND YOU. CAN'T. FIX IT."

Dash didn't know what to do. Danny was openly sobbing, his breaths came out in grunts as he couldn't hold the rage and misery back.

He was still standing within arm's reach, Dash cautiously put out a hand, to comfort him? He wasn't sure, but he barely brushed Danny's shoulder before Dash found himself spinning violently and his cheekbone exploded with sudden pain as he hit the floor. Cold hands drew away from him roughly.

"DON'T TOUCH ME." Danny screamed. "DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN."

Dash watched as Danny grabbed his backpack and his footsteps disappeared down the hall.

It was over, just like that it was over.

Dash sat up and touched his face, he wasn't bleeding but he knew it would bruise pretty bad. It hurt, he would be squinting through one eye for a few days.

Danny could have done this to him at any time, he could have done it to him every day if he wanted, and maybe he would, now that he'd done it once.

The thought made Dash feel cold as dread pooled in his stomach.

The next day Dash told people he'd gotten his black eye from playing football, his team knew it wasn't true, but they didn't ask. He kept his eye out for Danny, wondering if he would pop up invisibly and knock him off his feet, or drag him through the floor, or hit him when nobody was looking.

He clung to Kwan's side all day, afraid to be alone.

Phantom could be anywhere, he could get him anywhere, if he wanted to hurt Dash nobody would be able to stop him.

Nobody had been able to stop Dash, and he didn't even have superpowers.

But in the end, nothing happened.

Dash went through the day untouched. Danny didn't even look his way. Not once. He just acted like yesterday never happened.

But it did happen, Dash still had the bruise on his cheek, and the terror set deep in his bones.

In the following days, weeks, months, Danny still never touched him, never looked at him, never talked to him. Dash realised that Danny probably wasn't going to do anything else after all, that maybe he hadn't even meant to hurt him in the first place.

He was a hero after all, he protected people, even people he didn't like. The only time he had ever come into contact with Dash again was to haul him out of the way of a ghost, and he did so with the same care as he would with anyone else.

Danny wasn't like him, he didn't gloat about hurting him, he didn't revel in the fact that Dash was scared of him. He just went about his day, acting for all the world like Dash didn't even exist.

Dash never gave him a true apology, it was clear Danny didn't want one, it was far too late for that.

It left Dash with a sick feeling of unfulfillment. He understood now what Danny had been going through, the pain, the terror, he wanted Danny to know that he was truly sorry, that he really had changed this time.

But he couldn't, because forcing an unwanted apology on him would just make Dash the asshole all over again, he was trying to steal a forgiveness that he could never have.

So he had to find his closure somewhere else.

He stopped picking on Mikey, and Nathan, and all of the other nerds he frequently hassled. He even tried apologising to them, some forgave him, others didn't, and he had to be okay with that. He struggled not to lash out, it still felt unfair, the world had always told him that you were supposed to forgive people when they apologised. It always happened that way on tv, in the cartoons he grew up watching. The mean kid would apologise, the other kids would forgive him, and they would all become friends.

He was realising that the real world was a whole lot more complicated than that, he didn't earn forgiveness just because apologising was hard, he was learning fast that he didn't earn any brownie points for taking responsibility for his actions. He was just doing what any decent person should.

It took him a while to come to terms with that, to stop being angry at people for not letting him make it up to them. For not letting him prove that he had changed.

All it took was to occasionally pass by Danny in the hallways for him to cool his jets and think more clearly. To remind him that he was the bad guy, he was the one who hurt people, that his victims did not owe him anything.

In his last year of school, he had found himself watching the juniors below him falling into the same behaviours, the same struggle for power and control. Pushing other kids around without so much as sparing a thought to how it made them feel.

After a lengthy chat with Mr Lancer, Dash was given permission to pull out younger students from detention one day a week. He would talk to them, ask about their lives, ask about their feelings. He would ask why they lashed out, why they thought it was okay to treat people that way. Most of them didn't have an answer, or simply refused to give one, but he would push, he wouldn't let them hide in ignorance like he did.

Some of them did feel guilt for the way they treated people, and they only needed someone they could talk to who could understand what they were going through, so they wouldn't take it out on whoever was around at the time.

Others would take more effort, they need a far stronger push in the right direction, they were defensive and combative, selfish and unapologetic.

Dash had been one of those kids, he knew they would be hard work, but he did his best. He couldn't help all of them, some were simply unwilling to change.

So he contacted the school-board, he pushed for better protection for students, more programs to help troubled kids, he volunteered to keep running his own counselling groups even after he graduated.

It still never felt like enough.

After graduation he turned down his favoured college to attend one closer to home so he could continue his volunteer work. He joined petitions and rallies for change across entire school districts, he spoke at other schools' anti-bullying campaigns. He'd attended enough of them in his own childhood that he knew they did next to nothing, but it gave him the opportunity to reach out to kids for one on one support.

He found more volunteers for his counselling groups, he helped people start them up in other local schools. It was a lot of work, especially when he was also juggling his college studies. He was taking a major in psychology, it was brutal, Dash had never been good at studying, but he'd decided that this was what he needed to do, this was important to him.

It still wasn't enough.

It would come at him in the night, as soon as he laid his head down on his pillow. He would see the faces of all the kids he hurt, it felt so much worse the older he got, they just looked younger and younger every time the memories came back to plague him.

He had beat the shit out of children. Kids who were the same age as the students he now counselled. He beat them until they were bloody or bruised, he shoved them into lockers, pulled pranks that humiliated them in front of the whole school, and he had laughed.

He'd laughed at their pain.

When the guilt weighed him down, he would begin searching for new programs to volunteer for, new petitions or rallies to get behind, always finding another way to help protect kids like Danny from kids like him.

And to protect kids like him from doing things that would one day haunt them.

He had spread himself thin across every school in the district, barely keeping afloat at college, but it wasn't enough.

It was never enough.

Kids still slipped through the cracks, schools were still too lenient, there were too many kids, not enough volunteers.

Casper High was holding another anti-bullying assembly. It had been a few years since Dash had attended one at his old school. This year they had excitedly announced that they'd even secured an appearance from Phantom himself.

Dash's blood ran cold, his hands shook as he went over his notes, he was slated to do his speech alongside Phantom's, they would be sharing the stage for a solid 75 minutes, barely a few feet from one another.

When Danny showed up he was already in Phantom form, Dash spotted him discussing emergency exit plans with one of the organisers in the event of a ghost attack.

He was so different from when they were in school.

He was tall, and broad, he stood with confidence and had a good natured charm to him. He was a hero, he was strong, he was brave. He could fight monsters ten times his size with a smirk and a witty one liner. He could take on anything, he wasn't afraid of anything.

He was a kid, running down a hallway, screaming words that still pierced through Dash's mind every time he saw the hero's face.

"DON'T TOUCH ME."

Dash's hands clenched around his notes, shaking so violently that they barely even looked like words.

"DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN."

"Dash?"

A deep voice cut through the chaos in Dash's mind as cold hands closed over his tremblings ones.

"It's good to see you again."

Phantom was smiling at him, his hands still closed around Dash's.

"Good... good to see you too." Dash mumbled, not able to meet the man's eyes.

Phantom paused before releasing Dash's hands.

"I've heard all about your work." Phantom grinned as Dash finally looked up and met his eyes.

"Yeah." he said, and then before his mind could catch up with his mouth, he blurted out, "I'm sorry, for everything."

Phantom's eyebrows rose for a moment, before he gave a gentle smile and clapped a hand on Dash's shoulder.

"I know." he said warmly. "Thank you."

They gave their speeches, Dash had told his story many times before, the victim that he'd pushed to breaking point, the boy whose words drove the change that made him the man he had become.

For the first time ever, that boy was listening.

After the assembly had packed up and the volunteers were heading home, it was Danny Fenton who approached Dash and asked if he wanted to go grab a beer together.

Dash thought it would be rather awkward, but Danny had plenty of experience socialising with the public, awkwardness slid right off him, and soon enough Dash found himself laughing alongside Danny as he told a story about the new misadventures of the Box Ghost.

He returned to his dorm that night, head still swimming from one too many beers, and he had the best sleep of his life.

He pulled back on some of his volunteer work, hunting for new people to take his place as he focused on college. He was falling far behind, but he would work hard to make his way back. As a volunteer he could only do so much, but with the right education and training, he could do so much more.

The guilt still haunted him, every so often when the pressure and the stress weighed heavy, it would creep back into his mind. It would probably never go away, not entirely, but at least now he had his closure.

Finally, it was enough.