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#a very small list i might add to i just wanted to write this up before my brain erased it
survivedsarchived · 2 years
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some dynamic possibilities for some of my muses i've been thinking about recently! this is a very rough/incomplete list but i thought i'd throw down some ideas while they're on my mind. if anyone is interested just lmk
jay
former teammates. this can be applicable to all verses, since i write them as a former footballer in pretty much every apocalypse verse/au, and it's a dynamic i'm very interested in exploring.
in a similar vein: rival players. especially interesting in apocalypse settings where they're now surviving together.
t/lou specific: fireflies! i have a verse where jay is rescued by fireflies & recruited that i need to explore/develop. maybe they're involved with the boston fireflies. maybe they're in salt lake city. maybe they're somewhere else just hanging out with some fireflies, fighting fedra. whatever fits jay and your muse best!
kyle
tl/ou au: fireflies! not to expose myself as being obsessed with them, but anyway. my idea for his tl/ou au is being a FEDRA merc hired to infiltrate the fireflies, then turning against FEDRA, so much like jay, i wanna put him anywhere they're involved. not as solid of an idea as others on this list, but i wanted to throw it out there regardless
bill (he's not as easy as other characters, but i have some concepts)
meeting on a scavenging run. bill and your muse encounter each other when he's on one of his outings. maybe some infected happen by and they gotta survive together, and we see where it goes from there.
on the road. something happens - infected or hunters - and bill loses lincoln and has to go out on the road and survive in the open.
desmond
smuggling contacts. whether on the inside of the zone or out; he's got a lot of friends on both sides. working relationships becoming genuine friendships <3
tommy
on the road to jackson. it's not an easy journey and you're going to run into people, just like joel and ellie do. tommy meeting people along the way and either making genuine friendships or circumstantial alliances is something i'm very interested in.
also: maybe your muse leaves boston with tommy. maybe they were friends and he knew the journey would be rough, so he didn't go alone.
there's jackson, too, but i'm also wanting to wait until we get to see it in the show before i really start writing there.
ronan
again, the fireflies. since he's an informant for them and everything. developing the relationship between him and someone he reports to within the organization is a big thing for his character.
again, this is only for some characters, of course (the ones i'm kind of thinking about the most recently). i'm open for plotting with other muses, and outside of apocalypse verses (though i'm picky about that as always dkjnsfknj). just think throwing out some concepts is a good way to show what i'm really looking for with certain characters 💕
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r0semaryt3a · 4 months
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Loved your dating hc's!!! They all felt really convincing and in character 💕💕 How do you think the pt (preferably chrollo, uvo, phinks and feitan if thats too many) sleep next to u?? are they cuddlers, kickers, white noise users, midnight bathroom breakers, snorers or whatever else?
Ahhh glad to hear it!! I’ve only really wrote a lot about Chrollo so I was worried the others were OOC-
I’ve only really been thinking of writing for Chrollo, Feitan, Phinks, Shalnark, Machi and Paku but given as you asked for Uvo I’ll add another onto that list! (Small spoiler warning: I love the troupe, but they’re all messy sleepers and I won’t be convinced otherwise!)
Chrollo
He definitely has a night mask, incense and all that to help him doze off. Chrollo is a chronic suffer of predormitional insomnia: his mind runs a million a minute, man is NOT used to sleeping a healthy 8hrs.
You can guarantee if Chrollo falls asleep before you (a very rare event) you’ll find him stiff as a log. He falls asleep in whatever position he’s in and will stay there until he wakes up. Honestly, it’s a wonder he isn’t ridden with all sorts of issues (get him a chiropractor one day.)
On the other 364 days a year when he falls asleep after you, well aren’t you just the perfect little teddy bear! His arms are always wrapped around you tightly.
If you happen to be a light sleeper? You’ll definitely wake up in the middle of the night to his face buried into the crook of your neck; fingers tapping away at your abdomen as his breathing settles, the smell of lavender drowning out any other senses. So definitely a cuddler. (I will die on this hill)
Sometimes he might even pepper your neck with kisses if he notices you’re awake.
If you’re a heavier sleeper? You better get used to waking up in the morning under a vice like grip, a mat of black hair brushing against your cheek and -whether he’s awake or not- you’re not getting out of it
Big spooner, you could be twice the height of him and he’d still demand it.
Not much of a snorer, maybe the few light hitches here and there but overall he’s sound asleep.
Most nights when Chrollo can’t sleep, he’ll sit up with a book in one hand and his other arm wrapped around your sleeping form. Sometimes he’ll doze off and sometimes he’ll only be brought away from his book by your stirring.
On particularly bad nights, where his insomnia truly flairs up, you’ll have to listen to a plethora of podcasts or “soothing sounds” for him to actually sleep. And yes, you’ll have to listen to them. There’s something innately intimate about having you indulge him in his interests: makes it far easier to sleep.
Feitan
You cannot tell if this man is awake or asleep 9/10.
“You sleep. I watch.” Kind of deal, he has many things to preoccupy himself with: like watching you! (In a: ‘someone takes even one step in this general direction, you’ll have a lullaby of screaming to doze off to’ kind of way)
It’s not that he can’t sleep, it’s that he doesn’t want to. Feitan sees sleep as a waste of time, it bleeds days into days and he could be spending that time well, instead of sleeping.
Everytime he wakes up he mentally kicks himself for having made such a waste of time
That’s where you come in! Hope you’re willing to have a human sized cat latched onto you every single night! Big spoon, little spoon, doesn’t matter to him: you’ll wind up with him clinging onto you for dear life regardless.
Despite this fact however, you’ll never know the plethora of times he wakes up in the middle of the night, painstakingly, detaches himself from you and paces around the room feverishly. Muttering about who knows what, head flicking to every angle at even the minutest of sounds. Feitan doesn’t like not being alert: loathes it, so this is his way to regulate the nerves that rest often brings.
Feitan is a very light sleeper, any slight movement may set him off and cause him to completely switch back on (sleep maintenance insomnia hits him hard).
He doesn’t strike me as a snorer but definitely isn’t quiet, sounds like a Guinea pig sometimes. A total teeth chatterer. Seriously, you’ll wake up and hear a light ‘Tch Tch Tch’ from wherever the hell he’s grabbing onto you tonight.
Will not ever wake up in the same position he falls asleep in (not that you’ll ever know that fact, he’s always looking over you long before you’re awake.)
Trust me: you’ll know if Feitan has a bad dream. His claws (yes claws) will be digging into you, his hold on you tightening with a particularly sharp ‘hiss’ of his teeth.
Likelihood is: his sleeping patterns will leave more marks on you than any other activities ever will. But, don’t worry! It shows he cares (I think?).
Phinks
Kicker, oh he is a real kicker.
You’ll wind up waking up off the bed more times than you will on it.
On and off cuddler, there’s very few times that you’ll fall asleep cuddling but by god is it a wild guess as to whether you’ll wake up doing so.
Phinks will fall asleep with his back towards you, teetering off the edge of the bed. And, In the matter of minutes can have one leg half way across the bed, the other swung over the edge, left hand across his face, right on his chest, mouth slack and whole body at a 45* angle.
Other times, you’ll find a knee digging into your back as he’s (very awkwardly) cuddling you from behind.
Surprising the masses (not): he snores. Has a whole box of nose strips to stop this.
Despite all of these, interesting, idiosyncrasies. The few times you fall asleep cuddling: he’s an entirely different sleeper. It’s like he takes a page out of Chrollo’s book and doesn’t move an inch (aside from rolling, he’s a total roller).
The snoring won’t stop though.
Doesn’t need anything to help him sleep, his head hits the pillow and he’s out like a light. Real heavy sleeper as well, you could roll him off the bed with an almighty thud and he’d still be sound sleep. It’s actually fairly endearing.
Will sleep for 6 hours, wake up for 1, roll around for a bit, settle down and then sleep for another 2.
Best pray you’re a heavy sleeper: that’s all the advice I can give you.
Honestly? It’s like sleeping next to a bear, vaguely adorable as much as it has you fearing for you life (and place on the bed).
Uvogin
If Phinks is like sleeping next to a bear, Uvo is a bear hug.
You’ll find your place settled neatly against his chest, as if he’s one of those comically large backpacks (like Johnny’s from Hotel Transylvania). Don’t worry about anything, truly, you’ll be snug as a bug in a hug.
Surprisingly, not a snorer (when sober at least). Often needs noises to fall asleep to though. If there’s not calamity afoot then Uvo tends to get angsty; you may have to deal with the occasional outburst.
So, you often have loud games or shows blaring in the background as he rests his chin on your head. Uvo doesn’t fall asleep easily, meaning there’s very few times that you can turn the noise off before you head to sleep yourself. You best get used to sleeping to the volume of a rock concert! (with his constant screeching he blew his own ear drums)
Invest in earbuds of some kind, it’ll help the both of you.
The LOUDEST snorer when drunk. I mean LOUDEST. Cotton buds line your bathroom cupboards for whenever he drinks, you’ll have to pick out bits of cotton on particularly bad nights.
Absolute hoarder. Whether it be you, a pillow, the duvet, he’ll have it and he isn’t letting it go. It’s honestly quite comforting, his presence isn’t exactly small, so with this hoarding comes a sense of security.
He’s surprisingly gentle as well, it doesn’t feel infantilising, more like you’re something from a heist that he doesn’t want to break.
Can fall asleep anywhere there’s noise. It’s a skill, you’ll find him contorted in a corner just so long as the TV’s humming in the background. Don’t think of moving him, you won’t.
Probably takes a good few trips to the loo during the night. Which, unfortunately for you, given your nightly position: leads to you being woken up every time he does.
Shalnark
Not a fan of cuddles, like at all. Shalnark is quite the squisher when you’re both up and about or even just lounging on the covers, but when it comes to sleeping? He’ll do it, sure, but he won’t be too thrilled most nights. There’s the odd time that he’ll be uncharacteristically for the idea, pulling you close and running off a mile a minute! He doesn’t tend to actually sleep those nights, more ramble on like you’re at some two person sleepover; the sentiment’s there nonetheless.
Despite this fact, he’s very specific with having at least something pressed up against his back -little spooner- and will get agitated if this requirement isn’t met.
Podcasts, lots of podcasts. Shalnark has about ten to twenty playlists that he’ll be sat scrolling through: trying to find the one he wants to sleep to. You’ll never be privy to these of course, he tends to keep a pair of headphones shoved in some drawer.
Oftentimes, before even attempting to sleep, he’ll be scrolling through some forum or busy doing: something. Though, for some reason you don’t remember any of his chronic scrolling…
Bathroom breaker, it’s nothing annoying but you’ll never not notice the shift in weight, as he swings his legs off the bed and heads to the bathroom. He’s always careful not to make too much noise, which winds up causing more in the process.
Has a small assortment of glasses of water that will accumulate through the week, all filled to different volumes. He swears he’ll drink them! He never does. It just ticks that little box of ‘just incase’ and he can’t sleep without it. Same with most other amenities.
Late sleeper, this man will never be up before you. That may be attributed to the fact he never falls asleep before you, but who’s to say!
Machi
The fact you don’t have single beds is both a gift to thank her for and a curse. Machi is a sleep tosser; she tosses a lot.
You tend to sleep on opposite ends of the bed. This is both in part to her overall distaste of sleeping together and the kicking. Oh boy, the kicking.
You know how the immune system can sometimes misinterpret things as threats, causing autoimmune reactions? That Machi when asleep. It’s like a subconscious instinct, a defence mechanism is you will; it’s certainly a good one! It’s just, not always needed. Especially not when you wake up at 4:34am after a particularly sharp jab at your side.
Though, some nights she’s stiff as a board! Not one movement or peep. As if death herself had stole Machi away.
She’s not a particularly picky sleeper, Machi can rest to almost anything. However, there is one thing that seems to expedite the process. Fire - whether the simple crackling singing off in the distance, or the chocking scent of smoke pervading the air. It seems to calm Machi, there’s no foreseeable reason for it. She just, likes fire.
L i g h t sleeper, you can’t count the amount of times she’s jolted awake, swearing she heard something. Windows, doors and anything else that might throw the room into disarray or stir up noise are a must close.
Sleep mutterer. It’s a rare occurrence, but Machi will sometimes have whole conversations with the air. You’re usually both asleep when these conversations take place (there was once that you overheard one to its completion. You’ll never tell her of course).
Pakunoda
Incense galore.
Seriously it’s everywhere.
Pakunoda needs some form of soft scent to lull her to sleep. This often comes in the form of floral scents, but can branch off into other soothing smells. Her particular favourites include cedar and amber.
You wouldn’t describe what you and Pakunoda do as cuddling, per se. She treats you more like a support pillow than anything else. Arms wrapped around you tightly and chin resting upon your head.
Neither of you will be able to move an inch throughout the night. Pakunoda has a very specific pre sleep schedule that she’ll run through every night (including final bathroom breaks, cleaning and small talk) and after that, it’s lights out. It doesn’t matter if you wake up and need something: she’s out cold. You might be able to escape, if you can pry yourself out. But just know: getting back in the same position will prove twice as difficult.
Not a snorer, hell, you can hardly hear her breathing most nights. If it weren’t for the subtle rise and fall of her chest against your back, you’d question if she even was.
Up long before you are, usually has one half of the bed already made (haphazardly as not to disturb you.)
I had a lot of fun doing this one; might return to it for further Troupe members at a later date, so cheers for the ask Anon! (Little irrelevant thing I just want to mention for future reference: if any PT ask includes Hisoka or Illumi please specify as such.)
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kcrossvine-art · 6 months
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haiiii dungeon delvers! This is a quick one, gratefully both the materials and the dish-type are very close to their real life inspiration :D
As we speak, my favorite catgirl bestfolk is getting introduced to the anime and you haven no idea how much self control its taken to not immediately jump forward to be in sync with her, but theres SO many good recipes before we get there!!!
We will be making a Mandrake and Basilisk Omelet today!
(As always you can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)
MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS
SO, “what goes into a Mandrake and Basilisk Omelet?” YOU MIGHT ASKIts made from the egg of a basilisk, which isnt a large chicken egg but instead a large snake egg. Oblong shape, soft leather texture, and no eggwhites just yolk.
A large daikon
½ lbs fatty bacon
Shallots
Garlic
Chicken eggs
Salt
Pepper
Arugula (for garnishing)
OPTIONAL; ketchup/hot sauce :)
You could try cooking this using actual snake eggs, but theyre hard to come by and reportedly quite bland compared to chicken eggs. I tried getting my hands on an ostrich egg for the pizzaz of it all. The zoo lady was kind in her dismissal.
AND, “what does a Mandrake and Basilisk Omelet taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASKOmelettes are standard fair but here we cook them like a french omelette and wrap it up like a burrito at the end.
Wetter eggs than im used to ( <- american)
Daikon and bacon r very tasty together
They end up having the same texture almost
Intensely savory. Heavy on the tummy
Chopped green onions would bring more levity to the filling
Ketchup pairs well
(but i prefer medium hot sauce)
Dark coffee pairs well
The acidity of the above 3 is what makes them work with this nutrient Dense dish
. In the show, decapitated mandrakes are more bitter than mandrakes left 'whole'. If you want that difference, using sweet/sour sauce on some of the daikon while it cooks will make the non-sauced daikon seem bitter by comparison. . Maybe ferment daikon too? . Adding a small amount of water with the bacon transfers the heat evenly, a small amount as to cook off before the fat/grease renders. Could also try cooking in the oven.
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"Consisting of a fluffy Basilisk egg omelet filled with minced Basilisk bacon and mandrake.If the mandrake used was killed with its 'head' still attached, it will be less bitter and more mellow" This dish is important as it marks the beginning of Senshi and Marcilles bonding, and the lead-up gives us our first glance into the school Falin and Marcille met at. Objectively the recipe is basic but it was challenging to write out.
Omelette making is muscle-memory, so having to learn the french variation and slow down felt like trying to ride a bike side-saddled.
It took about an hour and a half from laying out the ingredients, to eating the finished thing. I had to take a break in the middle of cutting veggies as my wrists are flaring up, so you could probably go faster unimpeded.
What would you rate this recipe out of 10?(with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) Did you love it, did you hate it? What're your thoughts on what I could do different, and what would you have done instead?
🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁
Ingredients:
1 large daikon, chopped
½ lbs fatty bacon, chopped
2 shallots
3 cloves of garlic
3 Eggs
Salt
Pepper
Some arugula (for garnishing)
OPTIONAL; ketchup/hot sauce :)
Method:
Chop your bacon into roughly ½ inch squares. Cut off the ends of your daikon and cube the rest. Thinly dice your shallots and crush your garlic cloves.
Bring a cast iron skillet to medium-high heat. Once at temp, carefully add your chopped bacon to the pan with a very small amount of water.
Add your chopped bacon and stir-fry until almost cooked.
Add your shallots and garlic. Cook for about a minute or until the shallots have softened.
Transfer the bacon, shallot, and garlic mix to a bowl. Set aside. Lower the cast iron skillet to medium heat.
Place your daikon cubes in the cast iron skillet, you should still have enough bacon grease. Add salt and cook until lightly browned on each side.
Add roughly 1 tablespoon of water. Lower heat and cover. Simmer for 2 minutes.
Once your daikon are softened, transfer to same bowl containing your bacon, shallots, and garlic.
Crack your eggs into a seperate bowl and whisk for 2 minutes until 'frothy' with no egg whites visible.
Bring the cast iron skillet back up to medium heat. There might not be enough bacon grease left, so feel free to add butter! If the butter browns you've gone too hot.
Pour your eggs into the skillet. Use a spatula to spread the eggs, scraping down the sides of the pan. Sprinkle salt and pepper in, to taste.
Once your eggs are mostly solid, pour the bacon, shallot, garlic, and daikon filling into the center. If it starts to separate- stop touching and let it rest. Gently fold the edges of the omelette overtop the filling.
Lay a few pieces of arugula on a plate, and flip your omelette onto it :) enjoy!
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wannaeatramyeon · 10 months
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Jake Kim x Reader: Jealous
G/N. Silly + fluffy. Spawned from chatting with @steamedeggs, as always.
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"Who's that?"
Jake follows your eye line.
"Samuel Seo," He tells you with a sigh. Whether that's a result of their meeting on the Pier or something else you can't be sure.
"The famous Samuel Seo," you mutter.
You watch him gracefully fold his limbs into a fancy executive car and lament the shitbox Sinu has left Jake, "Oh damn, he's hot and loaded?"
Jake huffs a small exasperated laugh, curling his arm around your shoulders. "Some would consider him hot and loaded, yes."
You throw your boyfriend a cheeky grin, raking over his form with greedy eyes.
"Obviously not as hot as you, though."
"Obviously."
.
.
Listen, Jake does not lack confidence. Jake is secure. With his appearance, his personality, his finances- no wait, scratch the last one.
Bottom line: Jake is perfectly fine with himself.
Lua has called him egotistical and conceited at times, but that's besides the point. Vivi has commented that he's ugly to his face and he couldn't care less. (All the girls throwing themselves at him in the club certainly showed otherwise.)
Sometimes even you think it is grossly unfair. Jake has won the lottery in the looks and personality department. He is beyond charming, winning hearts wherever he goes. Not even his battle scars dull his shine, adding only a sexy and bad boy air to this giant golden retriever of a man.
Anyway, the point is-
It's hard to phase Jake. It's nigh on impossible for his jealousy to flare up.
Yet.
.
.
"What was that on his neck?"
"Whose?"
"Samuel Seo's."
"You mean his tattoos?"
"Huh, neck tattoos? That's bold."
Jake watches you type in neck tattoos, and if he isn't mistaken, you look impressed.
'What's impressive about neck tattoos?' He wonders, leaning over to look at the designs on your phone.
"You want me to get a neck tattoo?" He angles his head to show off his throat and your phone no longer holds your attention. You're desperate to sink your teeth in. Add your own markings.
"Or what about a face tattoo?" Jake grins, "Tear drop under one eye? Writing on the other cheek? Some big letters? Big Deal?"
Picturing his suggestion, you wrinkle your nose. "Definitely not-"
"'Cos I guess these aren't enough for you, huh?"Jake raises an eyebrow, one corner of his lips pulled up and flexing his biceps.
It's obnoxious but goddamn this man. Enough of his charm shines through that it's sexy, a touch silly, and a lot endearing.
.
.
"Does your friend actually need glasses?"
Jake mentally flips through the list of people he knows. Friend? With glasses? "Samuel?"
You nod.
"Probably. Not sure. He never wore them in Big Deal."
"So they're just for show? He's a poser?"
Jake chuckles at your words and shrugs.
"Hmm," you tap your chin, "It does make him look smart-"
"Samuel is smart."
"-and sophisticated. You want a pair?"
"C’mon," Jake looks at you with mock hurt and clutching his heart, "I already am smart and sophisticated."
"Sure you are."
"And I look it!"
"Absolutely."
"Hey!"
.
.
“You’re pretty tall, right?”
Jake blinks, because what a question. It’s obvious to anyone with eyes, except maybe professional basketball players.
“...Yes.”
“And Samuel is the same height as you?”
“I think so?”
“Huh.”
“What do you mean huh?”
“Nothing. Just… huh.” You begin to walk away but Jake grabs onto your arm and yanks you back. You fall into his chest with an ‘oof’.
“I’m not tall enough for you?”
“7ft might be nice. Maybe 8ft. Why not double digits. 10ft!”
“Yeah,” he laughs and rolls his eyes, “I’ll get right on that.”
.
.
Jake is sulky and pouty.
He knows you’re teasing. Messing around, playing. Hell, he teases you enough. 
Despite this. He is sulky and he is pouty.
"Jake..." you plop yourself into his lap, "You know I'm only joking right?"
He gives you a sidelong glance even as he angles his cheek for a kiss.
"I think you're the best," You give him a smooch. "Your tattoos are hot," Another smooch. "You're very smart."
"And sophisticated," he grumbles, though he makes no attempt to hide the smile creeping over his face.
"The most sophisticated!" You kiss him loudly on the lips this time. "You should teach people how to be as sophisticated as you are. Charge them a billion won each to listen to you talk about sophistication. And you’re the tallest. A giant. The biggest man to have ever existed. I don’t know how you fit that massive head through doors,” You squeeze his shoulders, “How do you even get this huge body in a building.”
Jake bursts into laughter at your ridiculousness. 
“I even love your awful death-trap that you call a car. With no air conditioning and no airbags and seatbelts that jam when they shouldn’t."
Jake clicks his tongue at you, "Now I know you're lying. Even I hate that stupid car. And it’s not mine."
“Ok,” you give in, “I do hate it.”
Jake’s face turns soft and tender. He pulls you close, until your foreheads are touching and you can see the flecks of gold in his eyes. “I think you’re the best and hot and smart and sophisticated. You’re not that tall and you don’t have a car... But you are mine though.”
“Yeah,” you agree, melting into his arms, feeling his heart beating in time with your own. “I am yours.”
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silentcryracha · 3 months
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Having their first serious argument/fight with Seungmin pls 🙏🙏🙏
HIII ty for the request hun! ~
Pairing : Seungmin x reader (tried to keep it gn)
Summary : Based on prompt: "Having their first serious argument/fight". Requested by anon.
Word count: 5k (damn bro)
Genre/ Warnings : Other members are mentioned and have girlfriends, some angst, very brief mention of intimacy, use on Yn like twice for ncessity, that's it
A/n : Hello again after like...months. Been having quite a rough time at the start of the year and then I had to work/catch up in uni. Anyways, I opened requests to get me back into writing and thanking you for the support (y'all are almost 1k tf), so feel free to look at the list and send me a prompt + a skz member! You can add a few details, like the vibe or if you specifically prefer gn or f reader.
ps: No beta. Do NOT repost on other socials. Leave feedback if you feel like it, otherwise enjoy! ♡︎
masterlist
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
ONE MONTH AGO
For you it was just another shift at the University's library. Countless students coming and going, sometimes a few teachers too. Around the start of June, when the weather became hot and humid, people were coming in sweaty and all red in the face. It made you feel sorry for them, so you decided to place a big icy carafe of water on the reception counter, so that you could offer clients a glass as they put their signature on the register. Many accepted gladly.
One of them was a quite tall guy, around your age, with dark short hair and bangs, and equally dark brown eyes. You've never seen him before, you thought. Not that you've worked there long, anyway. You greeted him with a polite smile, offering him the water as you asked for his signature. He gave you a small nod and a tight lipped smile back as he politely declined.
'Of course, it'll still be here later if you want. Have a nice time.' you said as he gave back the signatures list.
'Thank you.'
And with that he walked a few tables to the back of the room, with the sunlight hitting right on the desk. He settled with all his books and notes, and then immersed himself in studying.
Out of curiosity you looked down, and saw that his name was Kim Seungmin.
-
During the following days Seungmin came in to the library every day. Sometimes for just a couple of hours, then came back again. Other days he just straight up parked himself at the same table from late morning to closing time, which was around nine pm.
It happened a couple of times that he needed some information, so you gave him it and he always responded politely and then came back to his station. Sometimes he even accepted that glass of water.
But nothing out of the ordinary, which is why it definitely took you by surprise when your co-worker came up to you and, whispering, said 'That guy's been checking you out for a while now, should I worry?'
'What? Who?' you replied, genuinely confused. He nonchalantly nudged his head towards the left side of the room. Your gaze followed, falling exactly on the only male guy sitting there.
'Seungmin? No way!' you exclaimed-whispered back. His eyebrows shoot up, a small smile appearing on his face.
'Oh so you know him?'
'No- yes- I mean, not really. He's been coming here often to study. I only know his name because I saw it on the register. And he asked a few directions, that's it.' you shrugged, crossing your arms.
'Well, whatever it is, he has a hundred percent been checking you out. I started to notice like, three days ago. I thought you did too.' he said, as it was the most obvious thing in world. You didn't know what to say for a few seconds, uncertainly sneaking a look to Seungmin.
Your co-worker stifled a laugh and took over what you were doing, giving you a small push.
'He's cute. I would try it out. You know, to see if he's a creep or just embrassingly shy.' he winked.
FOUR WEEKS AGO
Ever since your co-worker implied that Seungmin might have his eye on you, you were never the same. You also started to make a few 'organizing' trips back and forth to the shelves, sneaking looks here and there. He did seem to be actually working, but you also did catch him at least a couple of times staring back.
So you got kind of excited but then went like, 'What if I am being creepy and he just noticed?' so you got insecure. You even exposed your concerns to your friend, but he swore that he started doing it first. And called you both fools.
It was undeniable that ever since you both locked eyes those few times, now your greetings were a bit more awkward. Until finally, after like four days of this push and pull, you decided to start a conversation. Unless he shut you down immediately, which would sting a bit but at least you'd stop deluding yourself.
So around eight forty pm on a Thursday evening, you approached him. He was still sitting at his designated table, a hand in his, now, messy hair and the glasses slipping a bit on his nose as he looked down.
You swallowed, feeling your throat a bit dry, then cleared it. Seungmin looked up, mouth slightly agape. He waited for you to speak, which you didn't realize at first, so you scrambled trying to save yourself.
'Uhm, hi, It's- uh- it's almost nine. We have to close up.' he closed him mouth, at the realization and quickly stood up, making the chair squeak a bit.
He cringed at himself as he gathered his books and papers.
'I'm sorry, I lost track on time, I'll be out in two minutes.' he apologized. You smiled and waved your hand dismissively.
'Don't apologize. You've been working hard. I'm sure that whatever you're studying for, you'll do great.' your words made him slowly stop in his tracks. He looked up at you with a small smile. Grateful, like he secretly desperately needed some encouragement.
'Final exam. I'm having some trouble with a subejct in particular so I'm...working my ass off, I guess' you chuckled, nodding.
'You definitely are. I'd rather make 1000 work shifts than figure out a subject that I don't get.' he smiled at your honesty. He put away the last book in his leather bag.
'I'm sorry I haven't introduced myself yet, I'm Seungmin.' he extended his hand to you. 'I know', you thought.
'I'm Yn.' you smiled, shaking his hand.
You walked him to the exit, but he stopped another second.
'Thanks for the small talk back there, by the way. I don't remember the last time I didn't speak with a fellow panicked student.' he gave you a lopsided smile, a little shy.
'I understand, don't thank me.' , you paused for a second then decided to shoot your shoot.
'If you're gonna hang around tomorrow around lunch break time, I'll bring a coffe for you too on my way back. I noticed you like it.' you planted your nails in the palm of your hand, cringing. 'Shit, did I just expose myself?'
But, surprisingly, he didn't flinch in disgust and run away. Instead, he took his bottom lip between his teeth, trying to suppress a smile, and nodded.
'Yes, I do. Perhaps too much. But thank you, I'll take that offer gladly.' he responded, 'I like it black with two small sugars, see you tomorrow Yn' he waved you goodbye, leaving you standing there with a stupid smile on your face.
THREE WEEKS AGO
The day after, which was a Friday, as you promised, you showed up to work with two iced coffes. As soon as you arrived you quickly fixed yourself up in the bathroom. The heath and humidity messed up your hair and smudged your make up a bit. You made note to be quick since the coffes were fresh and you didn't want them to melt.
After that you came back out to the counter, avoiding the gaze of your other co-worker, older and with whom you were not close at all, and made your way to Seungmin with the drinks. He noticed you coming right away and smiled shyly, standing up from his chair to greet you.
'Hi' you said, smiling back. You handed him the coffe and he bowed his head grateful.
'Hi. Thank you so much, yn'
'You're welcome, enjoy Seungmin' as you were about to walk back to the counter, he stopped you.
'Hey, do you have time to sit down a while?' you looked around, then back to your co-worker, which didn't seem to be paying attention. Then finally you took a quick glance to the clock on your phone. You still had five minutes before the actual end of lunch break.
'Yes, I have a few minutes'. you exchanged a small smile.
--
Those five minutes were over way too fast. You asked Seungmin how it was going, and he responded that it certainly went better than two weeks ago. He said that he didn't have much left, so you congratulated him and once again reassured him that he would do fine. And you genuinely thought that, because as you were able to understand from your talks he is great student.
You talked about your families, where you grew up, shared some school experiences, how you ended up working at the library and how he ended up choosing his major.
You mostly talked during your breaks or sometimes you would arrive a few minutes earlier than your shift, or as he arrived he'd stop at the counter before going to his table.
If you were honest, it had been a pretty natural evolution. Like your crush was. Oh absolutely. You couldn't tell wether Seungmin also shared your feelings, but he certainly seemed to appreciate talking with you. As friends, if anything.
Until he didn't come at the library anymore. On the first day, while you were kinda disappointed, you just thought that he finally took a day off from studying, or maybe he was just busy somewhere else.
On the second day, well you were even more disappointed. You still tried to focus on work and play it off, 'he just came here to study 'we just made small talk...for like a week straight'
It's obvious that it stung. Your mind was going 100 miles a minute, and you felt stupid for it. Stand up, for God's sake. So you at about the third theory your mind made up, you just went 'what will be will be'. And went on with your day.
On the third day, he still didn't show up. The idea that this was just a random pleasant meeting was starting to settle in your mind, so you kept on focusing on living like you did a week prior. Well, not actually, since you have 'known' Seungmin by sight for at least three weeks? But you didn't really speak.
You almost made yourself laugh at how you started to gaslight yourself into thinking that you actually made the conversations up. Would be a pretty funny, sad or creepy script. Depending on point of views.
That is, until five forty pm that same afternoon. You almost dropped the books you were re-organizing on a shelf when you recognized the young man enter the library with the corner of your eye. He was looking around. For you...maybe?
A sudden rush of embarassment shot through you for some reason, making you pretend you didn't see him. Or were (not) secretly waiting for him...
Your eyes went back on the books in front of you, as you resumed your task.
"Yn?" ah, shit.
"Seungmin? Hi!" your head turned towards him, as you tried to not betray yourself with your voice.
"Hi. You busy?" he asked with a smile, then caught himself before you could reply "Ah, sorry. You're working, of course you're busy. Eh"
You couldn't help but chuckle at his bashfulness, waving a hand to dismiss his statement.
"It's a Saturday, we close at six. So I have about...twenty-ish minutes 'til I'm off." you replied, then adding "You need some info?"
He looked lost for a second, like a puppy, but after a couple of seconds it hit him and his shy smile came back.
"Ah no, no. I'm done. I gave the exam so I'm done a hundred percent." you squealed a bit, jokingly.
"Congrats! Did it go well?"
"Yes, it did. Very well. Did not get the highest possible grade, but enough on the higher scale to consider myself satisfied. It was a tough one." his pride showed in his tone, which made you smile.
"It was all thanks to my magic daily coffe, actually" his eyebrow rose and his mouth slightly gaped in shock. Then he laughed.
"I'm sure it was" , his expression turned a bit more serious "So magical, I think you should show me this wondrous place." his tone hinted at something. Something that of course you didn't grasp, because instead of flirting back, you pulled out Google maps.
"Sure, let me just look it up-" his hand came up, almost touching yours holding the phone, but then retracted. Seungmin emitted a small, embarassed, laugh.
"No- I meant- I.." he laughed again, dragging a hand across his face, "I'm not the best at this but, okay. I was asking you out. That's- yeah that's it."
The hand holding your phone dropping to your side slowly as he talked, mainly for shock. Damn, you were hoping for it but that was actually more straightforward than you would've expected from him.
"Oh!" you exclaimed, also laughing. At this point out of nervousness or embarassment, you didn't know.
"Seungmin I'm literally so stupid, I'm sorry. The heat and exhaustion must've took its toll on me" you replied, trying to play it off, then quickly added "Yes, by the way. I would love to spend some time with you."
He bit his lip to stifle a chuckle, then nodded with a smile at your response.
"I'm very glad to hear it", Seungmin responded, "How about tomorrow afternoon? We could meet up here and walk together if it's okay with you."
"Yes, sounds perfect", you smiled shyly.
ONE WEEK AGO
You and Seungmin have been officially seeing each other for two weeks now. Key word officially. If you count the meeting, sneaking looks and finally talking like normal people, that would count as almost a whole month.
Ever since your first, cute, coffe date, you have been seeing frequently. You were often working, while he was now free, so he was the one to come to you most times.
That would happen every day at least once. He'd either come see you for a while, giving you company as you worked. Or he would accompany you hom when your shift ended. Aside from the real dates, of course. You've been out for breakfast, lunch and dinner, you went to the movies, walked in the city park, went for ice cream.
And one day, he surprised you. Last sunday he told you to get ready wearing something comfortable and fresh, and just bring yourself. So cute, you thought. And he did not disappoint!
When he picked you up with his car, he drove you to a park. Not your usual city park, which was still beautiful but quite crowded. He brought you to another park, about five minutes away from the city, that was huge and near a lake.
Some people were there, families and couples or simply loners. But it could not compare in fact of crowding and it also felt quite...untouched. Aside from a few benches and drinking fountains, there was nothing man-made.
With one hand he held one of yours, and with the other he was carrying a large bag, like a gym bag.
"Min, it's so beautiful here" you commented dreamily as you watched the pretty ducks and a couple white swans swimming peacefully in the water.
"One of my friends organizes group studies here sometimes. But it's so romantic, I'm sure Hyunjin took his girlfriend here a few times. He's a romantic." he explained, poking a little fun at his friend, making you chuckle.
"And are you?" he turned to gaze at you.
"What?" he asked softly, finally stopping to a perfect spot. Under a huge willow that provided some shelter from the sun, as well as being a few meters awauy from the water.
"Are you a romantic?" you smiled a bit as you watched him bend down to take out the stuff from the bag. He stifled a smiled, then shook his head.
"Nah, I don't think anyone would describe me as that. Quite the opposite actually." you bent down as well to help him set up the picnic.
"You sure? I mean, you did bring your girlfriend to a surprise picnic in the park with swan view so..." you shrugged, jokingly. He rolled his eyes as he settled on the blanket, holding out a hand for you.
"Maybe it's the girlfriend influence. Put a spell on me." you chuckled, sitting down beside him.
"Maybe." you exchanged a sweet look.
-
That same day, around nine pm when it was finally getting dark, you packed up your stuff and Seungmin brought you back home. He then accompanied you to your doorstep, like a true gentleman.
"Thank you so much for today. It was amazing. You, are amazing." he shook his head gently, looking down as you said it.
"Ah, don't thank me. It was just some sandwiches and some grass." he responded, but then cringed at himself. You couldn't help but give him a light slap on the chest and laugh at that.
"Oh, well. there goes mr. romantic I guess!" he laughed along.
"Told you!"
"Well," you repeated ironically, "Thank you for whatever it was. Food and grass or whatver, 'kay?" he gave you a small smile, nodding.
"Okay, I'll take it. Thank you for spending time with me.", he paused, then shyly looked down and up at your face, "I have one more surprise. If you close your eyes."
Your mouth went slightly agape as you looked back into his sweet dark eyes. You didn't respond, instead just nodded and then closed your eyes as he asked.
After a few seconds you felt him step forward, closer. Then he took one of your hand in his, while placing the other on your cheek. So light you barely felt his skin.
And then, finally, he slowly, but not too much, leaned in and pressed his lips on yours. Again, the touch was so light, like he was afraid to hurt you. So you took matter in your own hands, pressing completely against his lips and bringing your free hand to his cheek as well.
You exchanged a sweet kiss, not longer than a couple of minutes. Lips moving, but not more than that. It was your first ever kiss. It was perfectly fine for that time.
As you parted lips gently, you both found yourselves smiling and blushing so hard. Maybe a bit too much for being twenty years old, but who cares. You were who you were, and things were still quite fresh. Maybe you didn't want to rush it like some others did, and that's okay-
Seungmin made sure that you got in your parent's house okay before driving away with a stupid smile on his face.
--
A couple of days later you meet up at your, now favorite, coffe place to pick up a drink as you took a stroll and figured out what to do. Neither mentioned the kiss yet per se, but you were definitely a bit more giddy around each other. Like you were in your little, cute, pink stained, bubble. Which was broken as you were standing in line.
"Hey, Min!" you both turned to look back, hearing a guy's voice call out for him. It was two young men, surely your age. One had ginger long-ish hair and the other had shoulder lenght blonde hair. As they walked closer, Seungmin released your hand.
You looked up at him, but he seemed to not have noticed. He looked taken aback. The guys exchanged half hugs, while you took a step back.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" Seungmin asked them, both hands suddenly in his jeans' back pockets.
"Well...it's a coffe shop. We're here for coffe. Or iced tea, in my case. You know I don't like that bitter shit." the blonde one replied, a bit sarcastically. The ginger one suddenly seemed to notice you, standing a bit back, waiting patiently for your drink. And maybe something else.
"What about you? You here alone?" he proceeded to ask. The dark haired guy, also seemed to get whiplash, and got a bit confused when he turned to the side and didn't see you there.
He extended his arm, inviting you to step forward.
"Felix, Jeongin, this is yn. Yn, Felix- " he gestured to the blonde guy, "- And Jeongin. My friends." he finished the introduction pointing to the redhead. They both smiled at you politely, offering their hands. You shook them and gave a polite, but unfortunately slightly fake, smile back.
"Nice to meet you." of course you heard about them. Well, Seungmin did name-drop a few people and talked about various different episodes, but didn't quite get into detail about any of them.
"Nice to meet you, too" Jeongin replied, eyes sharp because of his dimply smile.
"Are you the 'someone' Seungmin is seeing, then?" Felix continued, addressing you both as his gaze traveled. He was humorous, but not in a mocking way. Yet, you did not respond. You wanted to see what he was gonna say.
"Yes, she is my girlfriend, you asshole. Like there would be anyone else." you looked down, suddenly feeling his warm palm back in yours. You smiled a bit, relieved. Your mind was already about to start stirring up nonsense.
"Min, you know how this piece of..." Jeongin spared you a quick look before changing his vocabulary.
"This piece of work...is." with that being said he gave his friend a pat on the back and congratulated you both. Just as you were thanking him, the names associated to your orders were called, so Seungmin rushed to the other side of the counter to pick them up.
"Hey, yn, it's actually funny meeting you both here since I wanted to plan a cuples kinda date at the Festival on friday. It's a fair like thing, you know, finger food, rides and shit." Felix explained lazily, "And I wanted to ask Seungmin if you two were up for it. But since you're here, I'm asking you. What do you think, yn?"
"Yeah, why not. You said on friday, right? Perfect."
TODAY, FRIDAY
It was finally fair day. You were nervous, if you had to be honest. Because you'll be meeting new people. Because you'll be meeting people that already know each other. And because you're gonna do it with your boyfriend. Ever since that interaction with Felix and Jeonjin, and Seungmin's reaction...you've been a bit off. Of course you and him kept all your dates and stuff, and there didn't seem to be any difference in him. So maybe, once again, you asked yourself "What if it's me? Am I paranoid? Am I just insecure?". And yeah... you were insecure with yourself, in general.
Whatever it was, you tried to calm yourseld down as much as you could. Blasting music as you picked an outfit, did your hair and make up. You pampered yourself a bit, as they say.
At eight pm sharp Seungmin rang you phone, and you answered with a quick 'be right there' and hung up. You dropped your phone in your perfectly outfit-matched purse. Then took one last look at yourself in the mirror to check for any issues, but there weren't any, so you sighed deeply and walked down the stairs repeating your pep talk to yourself.
Then when you were finally out of the house, Seungmin was waiting outside of the car, leaning on it while looking at his phone.
"Let's go" you said as you walked down to the car, opening the door to the passenger seat. Seungmin quickly joined you inside on driver's seat. He carefully watched around as he got out of his parking spot and then he started driving.
--
The car ride was quite silent. Not necessarily uncomfortably so, just quiet. As soon as you got there Seungmin made sure to get your door for you this time. He opened the car door and then offered you a hand. You accepted it as you got out, fixing your skirt.
You could already hear the music, the loud voices and even the sweet smell of the food from the fair. You must've been quite close.
"C'mon, Felix texted me that they're waiting just at the entrance." He said, and you nodded.
You walked together and we're soon met with the sight of not two, but three couples. In total, from your perspective, a group of six strangers. You took a deep breath.
"Hey, sorry, there was some traffic" Seungmin apologized, exchanging his usual greetings with his friends. One of them, you didn't know.
"Yeah, 'traffic'" one of the girls laughed, clearly implying something more intimate caused the delay. But it was just, in fact, traffic. That made you feel uncomfortable.
Seungmin must've felt the same, so he brushed her off.
"Anyways, this is Yn, my girlfriend. Yn this is my friend Jisung, the other two you have already met. And those are their partners." He introduced you to Jisung and you shook hands with all of them.
After that you all just kind of went around the fair, from sellers stands, to precision games, strength games, a few stops for salty and sweet food. You were having a pretty nice time.
You didn't talk much, but it didn't bother you. You were shy, and you were not part of this already established group. You and Seungmin though...you barely exchanged a word. And it's not like he was ignoring you for someone else either. He was also quite shy and non talkative.
But the thing that actually put a little crack in your heart each time it happened, is how you noticed the other couples being so different from you two.
From the way that they had no issue teasing each other to no end, be handsy and touchy, sharing clothes when someone was cold, sharing food in intimate ways, jumping on each other to play around. They looked really happy.
So you couldn't quite put a finger on what was most upsetting for you at that moment.
Was is the fact that none of those typical couple behaviors were replicated by Seungmin? Was it the fact that seeing people being so close to each other made you feel like you shouldn't be there? Did you feel left out? Were you jealous? Did you want what they had or were they overwhelming you?
Your head was starting to heat up, and just as you were about to say that you needed some 'uncrowded' air, Seungmin spoke first.
"Hey, me and Yn are going for a ride on the ferry wheel. You guys don't wait for us, alright?" Everyone nodded and acknowledged his words. Then they waved to you both.
You shyly waved back as you walked away with your boyfriend.
"Thank you...I need some air" you said, to which he responded by wrapping his arm around your shoulder.
"Me too, let's go relax in the sky a bit, okay?" You didn't answer back as it was a rethorical question.
You spent a couple of minutes in line, until a new round was announced. So Seungmin gave the man a ticket and then helped you step up the platform. The assistant prepared a two seat carriage for you, then helped you secure it and settle in.
"Have a nice time"
--
As soon as you were high on the ferry wheel, the first pause was called. So you were stuck. You were still silent, looking over the view and basically trying to relax.
"So...are you having a nice time?" You scoffed at his question. Seungmin was confused.
"Am I having a nice time? Really?" You retorted, bitterly. He frowned, dead serious.
"Is it such a weird question to ask? Is something wrong?" He kept going. The more he opened his mouth the more annoyed you got. He really didn't realize how he has been treating, or well, not treating you?
"I should probably ask that to you. Is something wrong?", you mocked, " What is it, uh? Are you embarassed of me? Is it because we so painfully and clearly didn't fuck yet? Is that why? "
Seungmin widened his eyes in shock. He doesn't think he has ever heard you talk like this. In fact, you have never even had an argument before. Is that what was happening ?
"Yn, call down. What are you talking about? Why would I be embarrassed of you, are you crazy?" His bitterness was starting to match yours.
"Crazy? Nah I'm quite sure I didn't imagine you not making the slightest effort to make me feel included, or simply cared of all night." Your eyes were starting to well up with tears, so you had to look down as you talked, trying not to full on cry.
"You didn't even try to do a single thing that the other couples did. Didn't offer me your jacket, hell didn't even ask if I was cold in the first place." , you shook your head in disappointment, " Didn't offer nor share food, didn't hold my hand. Kiss my cheek. Kiss me. You didn't even introduce me as you girlfriend. 'Yn'. Who the fuck is even yn, I could well be your damn cousin for all that matters!" when you were finally done getting everything off your chest, you just turned away from him, hiding your trembling lips with your hand.
There were a few minutes of silence after that. The only sounds that you heard were the screams of happy kids on the rides, laughter, general confused conversation and music. But it was quite far. Like you were watching it all unfold from high above. Which you were, but the ferry wheel wasn't that tall. It was mostly about the feeling of alienation.
"I'm sorry Yn." Seungmin's voice startled you a bit. You remained alert but didn't turn around, yet.
"I know you won't believe me, but I didn't even notice. Or, well, I noticed how they were behaving. Of course I did." , he paused and sighed, "I guess that I couldn't make you feel included because I, myself, didn't feel like it.” at that point your turned around, still not looking up. But you wanted him to know that you were listening to him.
"You know, I wasn't kidding when I said that I wasn't a romantic. You are my first girlfriend. Not first crush, but first real girlfriend. I finally thought that I was man enough to be what a girl deserved to have at her side, but now I realize sadly that maybe I am still that cynical, scared to express his feelings, child." He spoke with sadness and disappointment in his voice.
You desperately wanted to hug him and comfort him, but you knew that now it was important for both of you to have this conversation. And for him to open up.
"I noticed you. I noticed how uncomfortable you seemed to be, and that made me even more anxious and sad. But I would've never thought that it was because you thought that I didn't want you here or I was embarrassed of you. I honestly thought the opposite. Maybe because of the confidence and freedom and chemistry they have."
"But we have it too, yn. They are full on fireworks, volcanoes. They shine so bright because they had the time to get there. We are merely a delicate, little candle. Our little light that has yet to grow. And I don't know if maybe you expect more or wanted more from me, but I am happy to go at our place if you are." He sniffled a bit but tried to catch himself quickly, "Please forgive me."
And at that point you couldn't hold it anymore, you cried as you hugged him tight. He hugged you too, caressing your hair with one of his hands to soothe you.
"I'm so sorry I was shit to you" you cried on his chest. His chest trembled a bit, but it wasn't from crying. He was laughing softly.
"No you were right. If I made you feel like shit then it's your right to tell me. I'm sorry." He kissed your head, " I am not embarrassed of you. You are stunning, educated, smart, funny and you're perfect for me. We understand each other, do we not?"
"Yes, we do." You replied, leaning back to look at his face. He still has shiny eyes but he didn't cry. You placed your hand on his cheek, and he nuzzled it gently with his nose.
"Everything that you said it's true. We are still so new. We only had one kiss, for god's sake. And not even with tongue!" He chuckled, squinting his eyes in bashfulness.
"We don't need to conform nor fake for anyone. We have out own pace and that's okay. And no, I was never once disappointed in you Seungmin. I'm so fond of you. I love the way you think, the way you speak, the way you treat me with so much respect. That's why I think tonight was a bit of a whiplash."
"I'm sorry" he repeated, but you shook you head and took both of his cheeks in your hands. His eyes found yours.
"Enough of that. I'm actually really glad that we talked like adults and sorted it out. You agree?" He nodded, a small smile appearing on his lips.
"I'd really like to say something right now, but I want to save it for another occasion." He said, and you nodded as well, understanding what he meant.
"It's okay, I agree"
"I would like to show you my affection in another way, though. If you'll have me." His knuckles caressed your cheek. You smiled, taking the lead.
"I think I know what you mean..." And with that you leaned in and closed the space between your lips.
He smiled in the kiss and cupped your face, starting to move his lips. But this time, from lips, you moved on to tiny licks, soft bites and then a full on make out session.
Both of you were so lost in the moment, probably releasing the tension, that you didn't hear the announcement that the ride was over.
Instead, you got startled by the carriage moving down. So much in fact that you hugged each other tight, then laughed. You were so happy at that moment, you didn't want to break your happy bubble again.
"How about we go home and spend a cozy night in with movies and snacks?" You asked, leaning your head on his shoulder.
"Enough adventures for today?" He joked. You nodded and he chucked, kissing your head.
"Alright. I'm gonna text Jeongin that we're wrapping up. Then we can go home and do again whatever we were doing now." He stated, making you giggle.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Hope you enjoyed! Interact if you did, you'd do wonders for my writer self esteem lol
See you at the next! 🤍
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felikatze · 7 months
Text
Do you wish you could easily look up information on ISAT, yet the wiki is lacking in it?
Well let me tell you the good news, my friend... YOU can fix that! all you need to do is sign up to wiki.gg (which doesn't even require an email address!) and you can get editing! Add information that the wiki editors have overlooked!! correct spelling mistakes!! write guides for obscure achievements!!
"But I'm afraid to make a mistake!"
Don't worry! If you have questions, simply head to #the-wiki-channel on the official isat discord server, and there'll be plenty of people to help you out!
"But I don't know how wiki editing works!"
in that case, check out isatwiki's very own style guide! It gives you the run down on formatting, page layouts, syntax, and citing! If you still feel unprepared, check out a completed page and copy its formatting! Completed pages are few and far between at the moment, though. Ahaha.
"I don't want to mess up on a public page!"
In that case, our dear pal the style guide is here to help! Check out the last section on Sandbox pages! A very own page, just for you to mess around with! Additionally, you can cut your teeth on making an user page for yourself! Put anything on there (that complies with TOS, of course) and have fun!!! Check out other people's user pages too, if you want!!
"But I don't know what to do!"
Then check out our To Do list! All the wiki's main projects, all compiled in one place! And if something you want to do isn't on the to do list... do it anyway. If there's info you want on there that isn't, the more the merrier, right?
on my hands and knees. please. pretty please. we're a small wiki we have low standards. i will take literally anything over nothing at all. you can make the most barebones unformatted page ever and i personally will pretty it up for you. i merely ask that you cite. like at all. and if you dont cite you can put this cute little {{source}} banner up top so other people will know the info isn't cited.
you should get into wiki editing it's a very fun hobby. you might even pick up basic coding along the way and learn what it's like to cry over css.
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am-i-interrupting · 6 months
Note
Hi, I was just wondering if you could do fem!reader x Vox, Alastor, Lucyfer (separately) when reader cooks/bakes something for them (since I'm in culinary school). I want so bad to see their reactions on their meal. It can be something sweet or salty - your choice :)
I really like your work, you just do it so well♡
Thank you in advace.
If you like what I’m doing consider tipping me for priority requests & access to characters I don’t usually write for.
Alastor
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Alastor considers himself a rather good cook. He also has very specific tastes.
It takes a lot to impress him but it is manageable.
He’s never downright mean unless it’s downright awful (like you burnt milk somehow)
However, he is somewhat firm in his opinions.
He gives critiques when you make anything that’s not specifically creole which normally boils down to “not bloody enough” or “measure spice with your heart, not a recipe.”
If you do make him things that originate from creole culture, he is in the kitchen with you.
He’s looking over your shoulder, never saying anything but making small noises of impressed or disapproval.
Those are the dishes where his critique is actually helpful.
The day he actually closes his eyes with a sigh is the day you know you’ve done something right.
Lucifer
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Lucifer dabbles in cooking just a bit. Not a lot. He can cook simple things but he can cook.
He will be easily impressed.
You made homemade brownies? You’re so amazing and great and talented!
You made rolls? On everything unholy, you are the most impressive thing on earth. (Hit me up if you want a copycat Texas Roadhouse roll recipe. I’ve been hit up for it.)
He is just constantly impressed and constantly singing your praises.
He would go to Bee and ask her if she would add any restaurants you may want to have to her BeeEats app options.
Of course Bee says yes.
You get all the funding you want if owning a restaurant or bakery is on your wish list.
You will soon be known as the best chef in Hell.
Vox
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Vox’s good palette is very bland.
Yes, he can enjoy some Italian food or French food or fast food or really just white food.
This man can’t handle anything spicy.
He can’t.
At all.
Don’t make him spicy food. He will think he’s dying a second time.
He does know how to cook though. Knows more than Lucifer but less than Alastor.
Because of that, he’s not going to be giving you pointers on how to better cook but he will watch.
He likes to watch you cook. It’s soothing.
If you’re open to it, he might even get you a cooking show spot or at the very least a guest star spot.
He’s impressed by your cooking, certainly but he will try to act like he’s just mildly impressed when in fact he’s more impressed than that.
“Mmm, that’s good, doll.” Meanwhile he’s just vibrating on the inside.
If you like what I’m doing consider commissioning me for canon/canon stories AND personalized canon/reader stories.
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catmask · 8 months
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Do you have any advice for continuing to use your planner once you start? I'm going to be starting one for the first time soon, but I worry I'll have issues sticking to it even if it helps.
it might not be the advice you want, but if your planner doesnt 'stick' theres usually a few reasons (at least that ive found) as to why-
the planner doesnt actually help you remember the things youre supposed to. i prefer very specific, small lists (so i like having food, work tasks, exercise/self care and chores separate) where a lot of planners ive found just give you one big block for the day. when i used those, i would manually separate the lists, usually run out of space, and then give up and not maintain using it.
its not convenient to use! either the size is too clunky, the pages are not pleasant to write on/bleed and become illegible, or - what ive found happens to people a LOT - they focus on making their planner so pretty they take forever to actually write stuff down. your planner is supposed to be a tool to help you, so taking care of it is important, but for functionality sake... it ISNT supposed to be a journal. you dont have to treat it so delicately youre afraid to make mistakes or write too sloppily
when are you planning/writing in it? i write one or two important tasks for the next day as im going to bed, and then add the rest the morning after when i see how im feeling. this makes it so im not using my phone right when i wake up or before i go to bed too, which ive found puts me in a lot better/productive of a mood...
theres more reasons, but ultimately it comes down to 'is it convenient?' 'is it pleasant?'. trying to form habits you resist naturally is much more difficult than trying to find things that are small adjustments, if you try to change everything about yourself all at once, you'll very likely just fall flat! if the planner you have now isnt working... you might just need to be pickier about which one you get. the one i have now was 5 dollars, but i got it because it had the kind of formatting i was specifically looking for.
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scoonsaliciousupdates · 5 months
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5.3 Lily
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader
Summary: Lily McIntyre, trainer for new SHIELD recruits at the Avengers Tower, has been in love with her best friend, Bucky Barnes, from the moment she met him. She's been content with her role of the #1 girl in Bucky's life, even if it means she has to sabotage a romantic relationship or two. It'll be worth it when he realizes that they're meant for each other, right? There's just one small problem: Lily McIntire never expected Bucky Barnes to fall for You.
Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language,
Word Count: 500
Previously On...: Bucky got a call from Lily, wanting to know where he was. He lied to her, of course. That definitely won't come back to bite him in the ass.
A/N: Sorry this is so late going up! Had a last-minute Mother's Day dinner with the family, and then some quality time with @cazellen, and when you add on an hour+ drive each way, it ended up eating my entire evening. But! I wouldn't leave you hanging, so here is today's update, just... six hours late :(
Also, PLEASE NOTE: There is one more section of Chapter 5 to go up tomorrow, and then I will be taking a one-week break from posting so I can focus on writing. So, Chapter 6 will start on Sunday, May 19th. I probably will not be as active on here as I normally am, so if you send me a message and I don't respond right away, it's because I'm busy making more content for you!
NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates
Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!
Lily clutched her phone to her chest, shocked. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong. He had lied to her. She couldn’t believe it. Her best friend had lied to her about what he was doing and who he was with. 
She hadn’t planned on coming to the Compound that night– she’d realized she’d forgotten some files in her office that she needed to look over before she went back to work on Monday, and had just stopped in to pick them up. She figured, since she was there, she might as well go see what Bucky and Sam were up to. She didn’t want to crash their boys’ night, per se, but if they happened to invite her to join them? Well, how could she refuse such an invitation?
That’s why it came as such a shock when she rounded the corner to the rec room and saw Sam and Steve, in front of the large television, watching football together, and Bucky nowhere in sight. She hung back for a few moments, giving him the benefit of the doubt, that maybe he’d been in the bathroom, or in the kitchen grabbing snacks. But when fifteen minutes went by, then thirty, and Bucky still hadn’t shown himself, she began to worry.
She was about to barge into the room and demand answers from Sam and Steve, when she heard them talking during a commercial break.
“So, how do you think the date’s going?” Steve asked Sam.
“Knowing Tin Man, I’d usually say ‘terribly,’” Sam said with a laugh, “but this girl seems to actually like him, so who the hell knows? I guess it depends on what time he comes home tonight… or tomorrow morning, doesn’t it?” 
Lily brought a hand to her mouth to stifle her gasp as she backed away from the entrance to the rec room. 
No. No, no, no, no, no, she thought. He wouldn’t do this, wouldn’t just start seeing someone without telling her, warning her, would he? 
So, she’d called him. 
“I promised Sam we’d do guys’ night,” he’d told her at brunch, the lie coming so smoothly off his lips. But she’d heard a woman’s voice on the line with him.
Lies.
And then, he’d snapped “I already told you what I was doing… You don’t have to keep checking up on me.” He’d never used that exasperated tone with her before. Never. And to just hang up on her, without even a proper goodbye?
She felt hurt. She felt betrayed. In their years of friendship, Bucky had never lied to her before, had he? And why? Why now? Who was this girl, and what was so fucking special about her that Bucky felt the need to lie to his best friend about her? 
Lily felt like she was going to be sick.
She needed to find out who this mystery woman was, immediately. And she needed to do everything in her power to make sure Bucky never saw her again.
<- Previous Part / Next Part ->
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dansemacabre · 2 months
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are you stuck trying to decode the book of bill but you don’t want the keys handed to you? i was in your shoes literally three days ago! i failed and looked up codes on reddit (because a good grade in book of bill is a normal thing to want and a possible thing to get) but now you don’t have to!! here are some BOOK OF BILL CODEBREAKING HINTS designed to kindly shove you in the right direction!
my credentials are: one summer cryptography class i took in high school, autism, weirdly good pattern recognition (probably because of the autism), and a desperate need to make things make sense. sorry in advance if any of this seems patronizing. hints below the page break!!
general tips:
- A and I will become your bestest friends. like 99 times out of 100 any single letter is a or i. try those out first
- the apostrophe will also become your bestest friend- especially x’x, which will almost always be i’m (except there’s one place in the book where it is not. don’t make my mistakes.)
- themysteryofgravityfalls.com is SO so helpful. for non-symbolic ciphers u can lowkey put in codes and button mash caesar and atbash. godsend. devilsend? idk someone sent it and it’s wonderful
- call every phone number, visit every website. they bought those domains for a reason! i think!
- any list of numbers 1-26 is a1z26. like that’s simply a truth
cipher specific hints now !!!
RUNES (characters taken from norse runes)
- there is a key for this one in the book! maybe u spotted it right away but i did not lol, so look for an instance of 26 rune-y characters!
- the rune code on the inside cover is a graffiti joke- translates to a common thing people write on walls or carve into books made out of brain matter ig
THERAPESE (found in the last few pages during bills court-ordered therapy)
- bill’s picture is labeled in this section, so those characters translate directly to “bill cipher” ! once you have those, you can apply them to other instances of the code and go from there
- the rest of the names of the… things around him on the inpatients page are puns, titles, and/or weird words. they might look wrong until you have Every Character- trust ur key! use the rest of the instances of this code to find the missing letters first, make sense of it and laugh at the clever little joke later
BROSCODE (only two instances, found in journal 3 lost pages)
- the name is a hint by itself- this is stanley and stanford related! both stans use it once somewhere in the book!
NEWBILL (the most common symbolic cipher in the book)
- if you have journal three, the characters are VERY similar to a code there- not the same though, so don’t try and use that key. but like journal three, this code will (almost) always be bill speaking.
- ok lowkey i think the best way to explain this is just to give you one answer. i cracked this by randomly guessing that the small writing by the galaxy drawing on the journal three page “a voice form the past” translates to “forget the past”. go from there my loves
- that being said. everything else from journal three uses the same characters, but a different code. haven’t cracked it yet. looking for advice tee bee haych. i’ll edit this once i find it out
- also: dipper uses this code in his section. that’s pretty helpful to get most of the rest of the characters!
now some page specific hints!:
silly straw page. Oh god
- damn that themysteryofgravityfallsdotcom sure is helpful! Anyway,
- the numbers code is Weird. but the number don’t equal letters. notice the spaces between number groups- pair the groups, try and add a dash somewhere within the first group and a colon somewhere within the second group. you’ll have to use your resources a little
- if that made zero sense: “uhvrxufhv” phdqv brxu idyrulwh ghhsob ohjdo wy vkrz ylhzlqj zhevlwh. ru brxu kxox dffrxqw
- sorry for the vagueness but i really don’t want to spoil this one- i got it spoiled but i think figuring it out on your own would be really rewarding and worth your Time
messages on your tv
- there are strange boxes on the bottom of the page. gonna be so honest don’t know how they mean anything at all to anyone but allegedly it’s a code! i’ll look into it. idk man
okay. i think that’s all i’ve got? please comment if u have questions for me or other folks on here or suggestions on how to sound less like a fucking nerd talking abt this shit. idk i love that people are set on cracking this book asap but i hope this helps ppl who prefer The Thrill Of The Chase and also like to feel smart and important and so very talented
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cosmousee · 11 days
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What Is Lunar Eclipse Bringing In For You!!🌜🌟
Hello everybody!!!
I'm back with another pick a pile🥰
I know I'm literally posting it on the DAY of the eclipse, but I got to writing it yesterday only, and with the last pile my laptop literally fell apart.
I completed writing it in class, because...who listens to lectures anyway🤪
ANYWHO! Enough chit chat!
Choose whatever pile resonates with you, whatever does not, remember to just pass it on🥰
Pile 1>>2>>3
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Enjoy! (Posting it from phone, apologies if the formatting is bad😭)
Pile 1
Hey there loves! I hope lunar eclipse has treated you well!
For you I saw more of a building your own self sort of a thing. I saw an animation of you know sort of a stick figure thingy, and it was entirely made up of small paper bits, and you were rebuilding yourself again and again by replacing those bits with other bits. I think you guys are constantly figuring out which self is your most authentic self and the one where you are happiest being yourself. Ofcourse, this doesn’t come easy, which is why you are in a constant process.
For your oracle cards, we have
St. John’s Wort and Marigold: Against your will, there will not be; no entrance, no welcoming. Be Gone.
Witch’s Rosary: Craft your skills with intentions repeated, a practice of magick powered by purpose.
I’ll add your tarot cards here only, because I think they make more sense if I read them all together.
Your tarot cards are,
4 of Cups, 3 of Wands, The Fool and The Empress
For all of you, I believe you guys are free to choose, free to welcome whatever you want this lunar eclipse. It is your own decision, whatever path you want to choose, whether it may be your love life, your career, you focusing on your own self, focusing on forming a community for yourself.
I mean the list feels endless. Lunar eclipse is a fated time for things, and for you I feel like whatever you want this time, you’ll get it. Like it is up to you to focus on whatever and receive what you are focusing on. I have also heard that you shouldn’t manifest during lunar eclipse, or eclipses in general, but honestly, if you are feeling called to do so, you should listen to that calling.
The oracle cards are also saying that it you who is going to decide, nothing will happen if you don’t want that to happen. Everything is your will. And when you want something, be really really intentional and determined about it. Affirm about the things, sit and visualize those things, journal about them. Like keep that thing in your prayers and your thoughts sort of a thing.
Sit and reflect on what you think is the thing you need and want right now. Be determined but also be open about it like The Fool, open to the possibilities of it happening, especially if it feels like its something impossible. Be really fkn assured that whatever youre choosing to want is for your greatest good and you cannot, and will not fuck it up. Its such a fun energy to be in, because I am honestly extremely scared of eclipses, and I just spend the whole season crying my eyes out. I hope y’all are feeling well, because it seems to me that lunar eclipse isn’t forcing you to focus on one thing and deal with it. It letting you take the wheel and nudging you to take the steps this time, and the eclipse will help you achieve that thing and get that thing.
You might be confused as well, you know, that usually eclipses have a greater impact, but nothing is happening right now kinda thing. If you have something in mind that you wanna focus on, you can also ask for a hint, or even take this reading as a confirmation!
Okay! This is all I have for you today! Thanks for reading <3
Pile 2
Hey there loves! I hope lunar eclipse has treated you well!
For you, I saw a very barn type place, or like a farm-y place. It was very bright, sunny (not the kind where you’re all sweaty ugh), and there was a rainbow! I saw you being very very jolly, like literally sprinting and jumping with excitement and all the people you love, your friends and family were cheering you on from a distance.
Now, for your oracle cards, we have,
Harvest Witch: What sacrifices have you made for the greater vision of what is to be?
Adding your tarot cards here itself, because they give a better picture together,
The High Priestess, 10 of Pentacles, The World, 10 of Cups, 3 of Pentacles and The King of Pentacles
Now, the oracle card is talking about the chances you have taken to get out of your comfort zone, to get out of the habits of the current you, or the old you, in order to reach new heights. How much have you consciously put in the effort to grow and reach the highest of the heights you are supposed to achieve in this lifetime.
That’s the thing I saw when you were in that barn, that is such a happy version of you, and with the excitement that I saw, it really felt like either you were dreaming about it for a long time, or you just thought that this life was never possible for you.
Even with the tarot cards, they are telling you to follow your intuition, listen to it very closely. I think with the eclipse its calls would be getting louder by the minute, especially if you are missing the signs or outright ignoring the signs.
You are on a path to great success, you are yet to see the World and everything else that it offers, everything that you didn’t think it will offer.
I’m sure many of you might be content with where you are right now as well. But with this opportunity, you will feel content like never before. You know if you’ve got rose gold glasses on right now, pursuing this new path will give you ultra 4k HD rose gold glasses. There is a fulfilment you haven’t felt before, and it’s gonna come like fresh air to you, like you’ve breathed for the first time, like your lungs have felt the cleanest of the air in a long while.
Spirit might be showing you a collaboration or a partnership which is your ticket for this new world. You might be sitting frustrated about everything, and this opportunity will just drop in. Listen to your intuition, if its telling you to go for it, you better go for it. Don’t double guess it, listen to yourself and let your intuition get a breather because I think it’s been trying to get your attention for a while now!
Also, I think you might have to travel for this, like actually go some place far, which is why I saw your friends and family at a distance. But don’t worry, they are very happy for you and they are cheering you on, and obviously, you can always come back home for them!!
So get out there and you better enjoy the heck out of life!
Okay! This is all I have for you today! Thanks for reading <3
Pile 3
Hey there loves! I hope lunar eclipse has treated you well!
I saw you making snow angels!! Very happy, healing your inner child sort of a thing (I’ve never made a snow angel and I really really wanna). It also makes me think of leaving an impression, or a lasting imprint. Like you say something to someone and it really sticks with them, or you’ve done something that people always remember, even years down the line, they are like “Oh you remember [Name] did this amazing thing that time?” and you are fondly remembered.
It can be a really small act of kindness also that people remember, or you’ve helped someone and that memory is you know forever in their hearts kind of a thing.
Okay, so for your oracle cards we have,
Falling Leaves: Let go of the things that weigh heavily on you; you deserve to take up space.
Crow: Pay close attention to the winds; there’s a message making its way.
The first card again tells you to take up space, which is what you do essentially when you are making snow angels! (11:11 pm make a wish~) You take up space, you do your thing, and that is where you create your mark, your identity. It shows that you were there, you existed, you took up your space, you’ve marked it as your own.
I also think, because of the snow, that the winter season might be important for you.
Also, with the crow card, you might get an idea, an epiphany sort of a thing from someone else. You know when you are walking and you hear someone else say something and it just clicks for you, that yes! That message was definitely for me. You know literally wind coming up to you with a message, because..sound…carries through air.
Oh and crows are also related to ancestors, so it might be that they are contacting you, or telling you something important. Maybe they have some ideas for you to create an impact on this world.
Now for your tarot cards,
Death, 9 of Cups, Ace of Swords, 3 of Pentacles, King of Pentacles and 8 of Pentacles
With all of this pentacle energy, I feel like whatever the eclipse is bringing you right now, its gonna be long term, or its gonna unfold over a long period of time.
There's something you have to let go of, or remove from your life in order to have greater emotional fulfillment. In reference to the snow angel as well, you're healing your inner child by taking up space in the snow, so it's sort of like you have to let go of that part of yourself which inhibits you from pursuing those things, you know that part of you which thinks “no ew its cringey” because you feel like you'll he judged, but in reality if you go and do that thing, it's gonna literally feel like you're enjoying it from deep within your soul.
The Ace of Swords also tells you that you are going to get a new idea, some sort of epiphany, which can help you in your career and generate alot of wealth for you as well.
You may come up with this idea on your own, and then partner up with someone (King of Pentacles) who already has some expertise in the area, or they have the resources to take your idea to the next level. At this time you might be getting constant downloads of ideas, or you'll be getting opportunities or signs about collaborations or partnerships.
Grab these opportunities with full force, you're gonna have a lot of fun!!!
Okay! This is all I have for you today! Thanks for reading <3
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thetravelingmaster · 10 months
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Reasons Why you Should Check Out ROM
(readonlymind.com)
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I've done a similar posts before for this site when I first joined up ROM as an author, but I feel like it deserves a little boost and some visibility out here as one of the many sites where one can enjoy erotic mind control literature. And also, because I'm a little selfish! I figure that if more people know about it, there's going to be more erotic stories to read.
Back when I joined, thanks to @arihi 's post on the matter during the 2018 tumblrapocalypse, I believe that there were barely 150 authors that published on the site, but as of today, that number has risen to 446. The list keeps growing and so does the variety of stories available.
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Much like mcstories.com, the site is very easy to navigate and search through, even if you aren't 'logged in' as an author or reader. It offers us simple ways to search out and find the stories or authors we most want to read about. They've done an awesome job with the tag system so that regardless of which story you are reading, you can click on a tag to see what other stories that have the same theme.
It's a lot like a porn site actually, but for mind control themes.
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And speaking of the tags...
The search function is rather advanced. Not only can you click a specific tag to see which stories have them, but you can also use the 'advanced search' to combine them and refine your search. You can add as many as you want to really find out if a specific theme is available. In fact you can also exclude tags to make sure you only get the stories you truly want.
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Of course, when you do find a story you like, the author name will be a link to their page, which will list their stories as well as an introduction about themselves if they chose to add one. Since the site is all about open discussion, they accept self promotion so you can expect to find contact information on authors you like or even a link to other sites they post on.
Another very useful thing you'll find on their page, which I haven't seen on any other MC site before, is the 'story suggestion' link. There, you'll find all the stories the author recommends.
I've found that it's a great way to discover other authors because if you enjoy someone's writing, there's also a good chance you'll enjoy reading the stories they've enjoyed and recommended. Plus, if the author is so inclined, they can do more than just list off a bunch of stories, but also add a comment as to why they enjoyed it. I personally try to always add a little something to entice those that end up on my list.
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Another feature I truly enjoy as an author is the fact that you can always go back an edit your stories because you always have full control of what is posted. Honestly, if I had discovered this before I opened up my own website, there would have been no need for me to do it. Although, I might have been a little disappointed about the fact I couldn't add the lovely images that inspire me so much... hehehe
But regardless, as an author that has many stories with many chapters, I've quickly discovered how easy it is to organize my stories because I can add a new chapter to an existing story, which is great because the reader doesn't have to look for previous chapters. Plus, you can add titles and even small descriptions to each, which will show up in the story index. In addition, you always get a word count for each chapter (or full story in the story list) so you know how long it should take you to get through it.
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Speaking of readers, the site offers a little more than just a well organized and searchable site.
Well... If you register that is!
You don't have to post anything though, so registering is simply like creating an account. What you get for registering are a few fun bonuses like the ability to 'snap' a story you liked. Which is basically the equivalent of a 'like' here on tumblr. As an author, it's always a great inspiration to add chapters when I notice that one of my stories becomes popular and I know readers want more. It's also a great indicator for readers, as you well know!
Another bonus you get by registering is being able to comment on each chapter. I love the comments section because it not only gives me the ability to get feedback, but it also allows registered people to tag each other and reply to comments. As an added bonus, once you register, you get access to a notification page and if someone's replied or tagged you, you'll be notified there.
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Speaking of notifications...
As an author, I get a bunch of notifications every time a user 'snaps' one of my stories, leaves a comment or recommends it to others. But as a reader, I can also 'follow' specific authors and be notified when ever they publish a new story or add a chapter to an existing one. But hey, that could be bothersome too so you ALSO have the option of just following ONE specific story so you are sure to know when the latest chapter drops. I'll admit, I use this option a lot!
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Another option you may notice in the above image is the 'Read Later' option. I've used that as both a place to list off stories I like to read multiple times, as well as the obvious happenstance where I find a good one I want to read, but don't have the time.
As you ALSO may have notice, there are well known authors publishing their stories there too. @scifiscribbler, @jukeboxemcsa, @darthkyra, @ellaenchanting, @hypnoticharlequin and @skaetlett, to name a few you might know from tumblr.
If you can't get enough of reading MC stories, then this site will definitely help to feed your cravings. It's still relatively new and small when compared to others, but so far, it's proven its potential for growth.
The more the merrier
TM
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dduane · 2 years
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Hello! I was wondering if you’ve shared your ao3 account? Like, have you acknowledged “this account is mine,” or do you keep it personal? Totally respect if you keep it under wraps I just wanted to know if I’m missing something. Hope my wording of this makes sense!
No, it's OK, I get it. You're asking "Have you publicly ID'd a given AO3 account as yours?"
No, and I'm not going to. Because it contains fanfic I've written for pleasure—exactly as I started writing it in my teens—and I have no desire to have that publicly connected with me.
Leaving the usual legal concerns aside (and not being even slightly concerned that a judge would fail to find the fiction "transformational", if the truth came out in a court of law) a significant part of this effort is about answering the question: "What would happen if people read fiction of mine and they didn't know Diane Duane was responsible for it? What would their reaction be?" That urge to discover whether the fiction stands on its own, without the inevitable shadow cast by one’s reputational backstop, still comes up for me in some moods. So when the itch to write fanfic comes up, I scratch it. And all I can say is that, by and large, the results have been satisfying.
Frankly, it's a ton of fun. There's no one to satisfy (at the most immediate level) except me and the local embodiment of the Creative Urge. No one will ever accuse me of "just churning [this] out for more $$$$", because there is no $$$$. And there's room to stretch further and harder than I might normally do in my public work (because there's more forgiveness for failure: and in the arts, I think, failure is absolutely one of the most effective ways to grow). Whatever comes back to me in return for this work—and it is work, some of the hardest I've ever done—is in the form of raw appreciation. So, people, on behalf of my colleagues, let me just say: comment on AO3 fics, yeah? You don't have to be fulsome about it. A word or two will do. And bestow kudos where you may. It's all an AO3 fanfic writer asks.
...And of course some people will say: "Are you off your rocker? You're traditionally published for decades, you have awards, you've been on bestseller lists, how can you not be sure that what you're doing's any good?" ...But you know, no writer is sure all the time. All of us wake up in the middle of the night some time(s), thinking "I'm not sure I've still got it..." and squeezing our eyes shut in terror of future reviews containing the horrible conjecture that Maybe We Never Really Had It To Start With. When you've spent a significant portion of your lifetime making stuff (up) out of nothing, the horrible suspicion that maybe it really has been nothing all the time—I mean, nothing nothing—is unavoidable.
So sometimes some of us want to go out in disguise (and I don't mean paid pseudonymic work: that proves nothing in this particular arena) and see how we fare. I know other traditionally-published writers who've done this—names that would surprise you—and who, by and large, have done it for the same reasons. We are the dark figures, hooded and cloaked, sitting in the shadows of some of the more prominent fandoms that express themselves on AO3; eyes glinting in the firelight, enjoying the reactions to the stories we've got to tell.
It's not bad here, in the shadows. For one thing, you're in a better position to appreciate the figures moving in the light. There's a lot of extraordinary talent on AO3 (and elsewhere in the online fanfic world), sharing stuff with us out of their own hard work and from their own urge toward grace. It's a privilege to read them. (Some of them are better writers than I am. I appreciate them: and comment, and leave kudos, because that's how appreciation is concretely shown. And I take notes.)
Beyond that, there's nothing much to add except that I have no plans to stop. And also: that I think kindly every single day of the very small and exclusive group of people who know "who" I am on AO3, and have kindly kept that data to themselves. Your confidence honors me, friends. May the Work do you honor in return. :)
And now: I owe you all an update, so you'll have to excuse me while I get on with it. :)
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chelseeebe · 1 year
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fatefully.
summary: your roommate is incessant in setting you up with his friend. when things get tough, can he persevere through your anything-but-normal life?
i acc liked this and then the more i kept writing, the more i started to h8 it but i hope that you can appreciate some eddie fluff hehe. i have had the worst eddie brain rot recently idk what’s goin awnnn i acc rlly want to do a p2 w some angst (obviously) but i don’t know.. potentially.
modern!eddie au
smut(18+), mentions of hospitals and sick brother ! erm alcohol n weed usage 2 no use of y/n!
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you were losing the will to live. the continuous banging had been going on for what seemed like hours. the pillow doing nothing to muffle the sound either.
the roommate situation with steve had been going well so far. he kept to himself, kept his shit clean and seemed to be an incredibly polite guy from what you saw of him. not that that was very often.
trying to balance an internship and a supposed to be part-time but was something more like full-time bar job meant that you rarely crossed paths. mostly coming home in the early hours and crashing before you had to be up again in a number of hours to do it all again.
either way, it all seemed well and good until tonight. he'd bought some girl over before you got back. you could hear the giggles through the door the second you walked in. rolling your eyes and hoping that they'd at least shut up when they heard you were home.
nada.
you could hear every second of their session and the subsequent pillow talk that followed. making out that her name was georgia and she had an incredibly high-pitched, whiny voice that made your teeth clench.
though, you must've dozed off at some point, waking to the god-awful sound of your alarm. ready for another twelve hour long day on four hours of sleep. oh goody.
-
when you finally get home after what felt like the longest day ever, steve’s still awake, slumped on the couch watching some intense movie. he was alone, no georgia in sight. so you thank the high heavens that you might actually sleep tonight.
‘hey,’ smiling politely as he pauses the tv, sitting up properly.
‘what’re you still doing up?’ you ask, he’d normally be asleep, or at least in bed at this time, most people were.
‘ah, i got way too into this movie,’ he chuckles, ‘you always get back this late? you must be exhausted.’
you hang your bag on the hook, shimmying out of your jacket and placing it on top. spending far too much time focussing on making it sit perfectly, rather than having to look him in the eye after everything you’d heard last night.
‘i am.. especially after last night,’ rolling your eyes at the wall.
‘yeah.. shit, sorry ‘bout that,’ he adds sheepishly and you can hear the couch shift as he stands up.
you shrug, spinning around at last, having spent an awkward amount of time fiddling with your jacket, ‘your friend not staying tonight?’ wiggling your brows at him.
‘nah.. it’s not like that.. y’know.. she is just a friend,’ flashing you an awkward smile from across the room.
‘hmm you seem pretty friendly for just friends,’ walking into the small kitchen and opening the fridge. steve’s shelf fully stocked with a shit ton of organic food while your shelf laid empty.
he follows, lingering a few steps behind, ‘she is! what? you don’t have friends like that?’
‘friends that i have extremely loud sex with? no, no i don’t,’ you didn’t really have friends full stop. not since moving to the city at least.
closing the depressing fridge and sighing, adding grocery shopping to your already miles long to-do list.
‘whaat? c’mon that’s like the best part of your twenties.. wait, you have.. haven’t you?’ he asks cautiously, leaning against the doorway.
you scoff, now slightly offended at what he was implying, ‘are you asking if i’m a virgin?’
‘no! well- kinda,’ he holds his hands up in innocence, ‘i just.. you don’t y’know, go out a lot.. i’m just digging myself a hole here,’ shaking his head as the words keep tumbling out.
‘no, i am not a virgin.. if you must know, i just don’t have any time to waste on finding moderately attractive guys to have disappointing sex with.. so i don’t,’ trying to formulate how you can escape from this awkward conversation so you can crawl into bed and die.
he ponders for a second, pushing himself off of the frame and blocking your exit plan, ‘don’t shoot me down straight away, okay?’
you roll your eyes, the clock on the wall indicating that you’d have to be awake in seven hours time and with whatever nonsense was about to come out of his mouth, who knew when you’d actually get to bed?
‘what?’
he nods to himself, a smile creeping onto his face, ‘i think you should meet my friend, he’s the perfect person to bring a bit of fun to your life..’ he can see the stern look on your face, ‘no, seriously.. i think you should meet him.’
you try to hide the annoyance on your face, ‘no,’ his face falls at your immediate dismissal, ‘i mean, i don’t have the time.. in fact, i need to go to bed now..’ taking a few steps towards him, hoping the low light would hide your flushed cheeks.
humiliating that he not only saw you as some pathetic virgin but that he needed to actively help you make some friends.
‘please,’ standing still in the doorway, ‘meet him, i’m sure he’d be very happy to meet you.. i know,’ face lighting up, you could almost see the lightbulb going off in his head, ‘i’ll have some friends over and it can be like.. completely natural and casual, yeah?’
no i don’t want to fucking meet your strange friend. i want you to stop pitying me like i’m some lonely child that desperately needs friends. how about that?
you don’t say it, obviously. instead shaking your head and attempting to slip past the small gap between his body and the door. his arm extends to fill the space, completely blocking you in.
you huff, frustrated with his stupid games, ‘i have work,’ the only rebuttal you knew he couldn’t argue against.
‘when?’
‘..all the time,’ you look up at him, his chestnut eyes already boring into yours, it knocks you sick just how beautiful they were.
‘that’s a lie,’ raising his eyebrows.
‘it’s not,’ it was. but hell, you’d pick up an extra shift if it meant you wouldn’t be forced to socialise with his friends and especially not whoever the hell this mystery man was.
‘c’mon.. you deserve to have fun, you work so much.. call in sick.’
see, steve had the privilege of not having to work for survival. he’d been handed a cushy job at his dad’s law firm the second he’d turned 21. never had to worry about bills or rent or getting fired. one day he’d be the one running the company and he could sit back and watch the money roll in while he did nothing.
lucky him.
‘steve, i really can’t.. maybe another week,’ it was like talking to a child, empty promises to get him to relent.
he frowns, arms crossed over his chest which gave you just enough room to get past him and speed walk to your room.
‘you’re boring,’ he calls after you, sighing when your door shuts.
breathing a sigh of relief knowing that you could now avoid that awful conversation for at least another week.
-
you hadn’t thought anything about the quiet music from the hallway, assuming maybe ms. georgia was over again and he’d finally learnt just how much other people could hear.
so when you open the door and god knows how many people are milling around in your living room you want to strangle steve fucking harrington and his conniving little face.
he grins when he notices you walk in, coming over to the door with a red cup full of something. you mouth a bunch of obscenities, hoping only he could see.
‘you left your schedule on the counter.. you’re a liar,’ smirking as his plan had worked perfectly.
there aren’t even any words to describe how pissed off you are, ‘you’re an asshole,’ you hush, slinging your jacket on the hook rather aggressively.
his friends all eye you, trying not to listen to your angry whispers. you wonder which one he was trying to set you up with. already dying thinking of the awkward conversation that was inevitably coming.
‘c’mon live a little..’ he nudges your arm, spinning you to face the group and you want to die. hoping that somehow the earth would open up and swallow you whole.
‘i’ll introduce you,’ he smiles, leading you over to the group with his hand firmly on your arm, making sure you couldn’t slip away.
if you hadn’t wanted to die before. you definitely did now.
his friends all seemed lovely, muttering about how much they’d heard about you and other fake pleasantries. you’d apologised for looking like the way you did.. gritting your teeth that this was all very much a surprise for you.
georgia’s here again, perched on the end of the couch, sipping on her drink. separated from the rest of the group. she’s nice enough, smiling as he introduces you properly. a little bashful as she’s well aware you were in the apartment the other night.
he gets round everyone and you can’t figure out who he was so desperate for you to meet. either they were in relationships with each other or just completely not the fun loving guy he’d been so incessant about.
you don’t bring it up, hoping maybe he couldn’t make it and you’d only have to sit there and politely chatter with these strangers and not have to try and graciously let some guy down. that you could deal with.
‘i’m gonna get changed,’ you nod, pulling away from steve who flashes you a look, a warning not to just disappear into your room which you’d highly considered.
you do prolong getting changed, sitting on the end of your bed with your blouse unbuttoned, contemplating whether barricading yourself in your room was viable. dealing with an annoyed steve would be ten times better than the night you would have.
a knock on your door throws you out do your self-pitying session, jumping up and rushing over to answer the door before steve could barge his way in.
‘i’m literally nearl-,’ you stop, interrupted by a face that did not belong to steve, a pair of kind brown eyes staring back at you, obviously not really sure what he was expecting on the other side of the door.
‘uhh.. the bathroom’s down the hall,’ pointing to closed wooden door, hoping he’d just been mistaken.
‘oh,’ the stranger smiles, ‘no.. steve told me to tell you to hurry up,’ he shrugs, ‘i don’t know, i just got here,’ relinquishing himself from any blame.
'right, tell him i'm nearly ready and that he's an asshole,' going to close the door on him before his boot catches it, keeping it open.
'i'm eddie.. by the way,' sticking his hand out through the gap for you to shake. which you do gingerly, catching sight of your white work shirt which you'd rather embarrassingly remembered was half unbuttoned.
your hand flies up to cover your exposed chest, 'oh my god, i'm so sorry,' cheeks flushing a deep scarlet. he'd done a great job of not staring down your shirt at least.
he laughs airily, watching as you shrivel up in pure embarrassment, 'i'll let you get dressed,' he announces, sauntering off to the living room with a shit eating grin on his face.
you manage to cool your face down and get changed. by process of elimination you could guess that eddie was most likely the guy steve was so enthusiastic about you meeting and now you'd have to sit there for hours trying to be polite after he had definitely just seen your tits.
coming into the living room, it's clear that steve's conspired with everyone and made them shuffle, leaving the only free seat the one next to eddie on the smaller couch. he was smart, you'd give him that. even if you did want to wring his neck as he smirked at your from the other couch.
you don't even want to look poor eddie in the eyes, still utterly ashamed about him seeing you half naked. fortunately, he breaks the awkward tension first, offering you a drink and a small, reassuring smile.
steve's friends are all lovely, making you feel slightly guilty for how cold you'd been when you'd walked in. they'd all been well aware that this was one of steve's tricks. even eddie which made everything so much worse. knowing that they'd all been brought here in an attempt to force you two together.
they get into a heated conversation about something you don't understand, leaving you to find solace in the lukewarm drink in your hand. steve and georgia take themselves off into the kitchen and there's a collective groan and a shared look.
'what?' you ask, watching as their faces speak a thousand confusing emotions.
one girl rolls her eyes, leaning in to speak in hushed tones, 'how long has she been back around?'
'uh.. i don't know, she was over thursday?' still confused at their sudden change in attitude.
'hmm,' she nods, giving the brown haired girl a look you can't pick up on, 'annoying as fuck, right?' she snickers, glancing over to make sure they were still in the kitchen.
well, yeah. but you weren't going to outright state that you were annoyed. it wasn't really any of your business. so you just shrug in response, a smile creeping onto your lips when she laughs loudly.
'you won't have to deal with it for long,' the girl, robin her name is, laughs, leaning back in the armchair to watch the pair in the kitchen, seemingly innocently bickering about something.
'oh?'
she turns to give you her full attention, 'they do this every few months or so.. she'll tell him to fuck off, so he does.. and then a few months later she'll crawl out of the woodwork and want to be friends again,' she rolls her eyes, 'we don't like her.'
that'd explain why you'd never seen her before. it was finally his turn in the rotation.
'right.. seems pretty complicated, why would you be friends with someone like that?'
'oh babe, no one knows.. just gotta let him do his thing, it never lasts long,' she laughs, nudging your knee with hers as they walk back over, jumping back into her seat with her eyebrows raised.
-
everyone had sorta gone off into their own little pockets of conversation, leaving you and eddie to chat between yourselves. it was slightly uncomfortable at first, through no fault of his. the thought of you flashing him still playing heavily in your mind.
'it's awkward, isn't it?' he leans in, looking at his circle of friends, none of them paying you any mind.
his straightforward nature strangely putting you at ease, 'a little.. at least you knew what you were walking into, i had no idea you'd all be here,' finding some hilarity in the half-assed blind date steve had tried to set up.
'he's a prick,' eddie laughs, swigging on his beer, 'it's funnier if you play into it, make him think he's winning,' tapping his finger on the side of his head.
'well, how d'we do that?' asking curiously, wanting nothing more than to antagonise steve.
'mm, follow me,' clearing his throat as he stands from the sofa, holding his hand out for you to take, narrowing your eyes at him but obliging. his fingers are calloused as they encase your hand, but it's almost comforting. he felt real.
he doesn't say a word as he walks through the living room, their eyes all following as he guides you over to your bedroom without so much of a look back. the silence is deafening as their conversations quieten, all trying to eavesdrop, figuring out what the hell just happened.
once the door is shut, he holds his finger over his mouth, listening out for the sound of voices again knowing they'd be doing the exact same thing on the other side. you can pick up on steve's voice faintly starting up again over the music and he nods, that same shit-eating smile on his face from earlier.
'now what?' staring at him in amusement, now unknowingly trapped in your bedroom for the foreseeable.
he shrugs, taking a seat on your bed, gazing around the room, 'now we wait.. you got anything to drink in here?'
you ponder for a moment, 'no.. d'you smoke weed?'
his eyes light up at the very question, grinning from ear to ear.
-
you're mid wheeze when someone bangs on the door, laid back on your bed, eddie sprawled out on the other side laughing maniacally at the shitty impression of steve you'd attempted.
'come in,' you call out, trying to catch your breath and stop laughing, though his face was only making you giggle more.
the door swings open to reveal robin stood on the other side, peeking through her fingers, 'oh,' she looks baffled, not expecting such innocence, 'what're you doing?'
eddie runs a hand over his face, trying his hardest not to start laughing again, 'smoking.. you want in?' offering what must have been the third spliff to her.
'i'm good.. we're going out, jon's got some underground club he desperately wants to go to.. you coming?' her face still very much not understanding what you two were giggling about.
you shake your head, 'nah.. i'm okay,' smiling up at her, hair fanned out around your head.
eddie looks over to you before answering, 'i'm gonna stay here,' slotting the joint into your lazily spread fingers.
your heart beats faster when his fingers brush against yours, though, that was a hard feat with how much the weed was slowing down every other part of you.
'alright well, goodnight losers,' robin calls out, closing the door behind her.
you only need to look at eddie and you're roaring with laughter again, clutching your stomach, holding the spliff in the air so to not get ash all over your bed.
you hadn't imagined your night ending like this but you were pretty glad it did.
-
a muffled argument pulls you from your sleep. pulling your face from the comfort of eddie's back, you must've rolled over in your sleep and decided to cling onto him. it doesn't feel as weird as it probably should have, in fact, it was pretty comforting. he groans and you can feel the vibration in your cheek.
'what the fuck?' you mumble sleepily, hazy with sleep and honestly probably still slightly high.
you don't even remember falling asleep, but you must've pulled your jeans off at some point in the night, your bare legs strikingly obvious as you sit up slightly, trying to listen to the bickering. you can't really make out any words, just a lot of angry, hushed tones.
'this happens everytime,' turning over to face you, curling one arm beneath the pillow.
'what does?'
'those two arguing, every single time,' rolling his eyes, 'watch this,' he bangs his fist against the wall a couple times, making the row to silence. he grins into the pillow, closing his eyes again as he'd won the who can be louder war.
you put your head back down onto the pillow, smiling at his smug, sleepy face, 'thank you,' you say quietly, watching as one eye peaks open, just staring at each other in your darkened room, small rays of sun beginning to peek through.
it's a few small minutes, gazing, sleepily at one another before the feud begins again.
'fuck me,' eddie moans, bursting into laughter as he extends his arm, pulling the blanket over your heads, stifling at least some of the irritating sounds from the other room, giggling as you both drop off back to sleep.
when you wake up again, at a more appropriate time of the morning, your bed is empty. you’re not sure why you’re disappointed but your heart drops slightly when you turn to the empty mattress.
until something crinkles beneath your body, fishing out the small piece of paper from under your arm.
had to go 2 work, didn’t want 2 wake u
text me (476) 781-7759
scrawled on the page messily, brushing the tiniest hint of a smile on your face as you roll out of bed, swearing to yourself to at least leave it a few hours before texting.
-
eddie’s not the best texter but he makes damn sure to respond to you. even though it is just mostly silly, irrelevant texts about what you were doing. being sent occasional pictures of cars or whatever it was he was working on. the conversation lasts all weekend, concealing your phone from steve’s curious eyes.
once monday hits, your texts become less frequent and you feel slightly guilty. especially when he’d double text, thinking maybe you hadn’t received the first one.
it was sweet really, which only made you feel worse for not getting back to him in a normal time frame. a rare moment of peace meant you could finally catch up on his tirade of texts and sling back a lazy reply before getting back to editing some of the worst articles you’d ever seen.
what r u doing on saturday?
another text pinged through, following the last one from about an hour ago.
I’ve got work :(
where do u work?
firing back almost immediately after your response. you scan the office before replying, making sure no one was watching.
In Simmon’s😖
ohh okay
you lock your phone, promising to respond properly on your break. slightly stumped by his short reply.
-
you’re on autopilot, dashing up and down the length of the bar, faking a smile at the slimy old men ogling you from the other side.
so much so that you don’t notice who exactly is stood at the register.
‘what can i get for you?’ tapping at the screen to send another order through before giving the customer your full attention.
he doesn’t respond, pulling your eyes from the screen, the familiar chestnut eyes staring back, slightly widened as your customer service voice was in full swing.
‘oh my god, what are you doing here?’ immediately switching off, repressing the growing grin.
‘i thought i’d see if you wanted a ride home? i was just passing,’ eddie chuckles, eyeing your beer stained uniform.
‘oh.. yeah,’ smiling fully now, ‘i don’t finish ‘til twelve though,’ you’re sure he had better things to do on a saturday night than sit in the rundown bar waiting for you to finish.
‘it’s okay, i’ll wait,’ he nods, sliding into the empty bar stool, ‘i’ll take a drink though.. if you’re offering,’ smirking over the bar.
you feel giddy, having to excuse yourself for a moment while you recollect in the kitchen. waiting for the butterflies to subdue but they never do.
-
the engine idles as you sit outside of your apartment building, neither of you wanting to be the one to say goodbye first.
‘d’ya wanna come in?’ you proposition, steve’s car wasn’t in his usual spot so you knew you’d at least be away from his prying questions.
‘do you want me to?’ you hadn’t sounded entirely confident in your question, it had been a while since you’d done this, okay? it’s valid.
‘i wouldn’t have asked if i didn’t,’ smiling as you try to hold your nerve.
‘okay,’ he laughs, turning the engine off.
he follows you into the building, holding the door and letting you enter first. desperately struggling to not swoon at the very basic level of chivalry. walking into your dark apartment with eddie at your heal, eternally grateful that steve wasn’t home.
slinging your bag onto the floor, keys rattling as they land in the shared fruit bowl turned key-bowl. sidling into the kitchen knowing that you still had not gone grocery shopping.
‘have you eaten? i’m starving.. i can cook.. uh,’ leering into the barren cupboard, ‘..noodles,’ wincing at severe lack of food.
‘sounds good to me,’ he slides onto one of the tall chairs, watching as you grab a saucepan. he couldn’t believe that you were offering to cook for him even after your long day.
the door slams shut, jolting your attention from the stove as steve walks in, grumpy and feeling sorry for himself, his navy bag slung over his shoulder. he comes trundling into the kitchen, questioning if he was actually seeing this.
‘whoa-ho-ho, what’s going on here?’ nudging eddie with his elbow, shit-eating grin plastered on his face.
‘i’m cooking, genius,’ stirring the pot of simmering noodles, choosing to ignore his implication.
‘wha- you don’t cook for me,’ jutting his bottom lip out, leaning across the kitchen counter.
‘you don’t pick me up from work.. so no.’
‘oh, so it’s like that now, is it?’ wiggling his eyebrows, elbowing eddie once again.
you roll your eyes, pretending that you didn’t hear the teasing tone in his voice.
‘where are you going?’ eddie asks, eyeing steve’s large duffel bag that now sat on the kitchen floor.
he lets out the biggest groan, slapping his hand on eddie’s shoulder, ‘i was going to george’s but.. well, that’s done,’ expelling all of the breath in his lungs in the most over dramatic sigh.
‘again?’
steve gives him a look, ‘yes again.. i’ll tell you all about it in the morning,’ he sounds deflated, like an old balloon, ‘i’m going to bed, enjoy your shitty noodles, don’t do anything i wouldn’t do.’
you glare at him as he backs out of the room, threatening to throw the wooden spoon at his head.
eventually flopping down onto the sofa with eddie, the pathetic bowl of noodles in your lap, ‘sorry.. it’s kinda shit,’ prodding your fork into the pitiful meal.
‘noodles are actually my favourite food,’ smiling as he digs in.
you appreciate it, even if it was total bullshit.
‘how was your day?’ he asks, eyebrows quirking up as you exhale rather dramatically, ‘not great then?’
you chuckle quietly, ‘not really..’ shrugging, ‘both of my bosses are assholes, i hate my job- jobs, and i have this.. fucking column to write if i want a permanent one.. there’s fifteen of us all going for the same position,’ covering your mouth as you’re well aware it’s probably highly unattractive to babble on with noodles in your mouth.
‘well shit.. i mean, if you wanna rant, i can listen and offer shitty advice,’ a short, breathy laugh leaving his mouth.
so you do. you tell him everything, rambling on about your dickhead boss and how you’d expect a much better wage for slaving over a bunch of established journalists, practically doing their jobs for them. going on about being forced to pick up another job or go back home. he listens intently, placing your empty bowls on the coffee table gently.
‘and then my mom..’ you stop yourself, having already dominated the entire conversation, ‘sorry, ive just made you listen to all that..’
‘no, carry on,’ nodding encouragingly, it felt so good to just have someone so interested in what you were saying, even if it was just ranting.
you look at him, genuine interest in his eyes, sighing before you continue, ‘it’s just, since i’ve moved out.. she seems to think i’m earning a shit load more than i am.. she needs the help so i just send it, but it’s just.. frustrating,’ frowning slightly, fiddling with the hole in your tights, ‘sorry.. too much,’ grimacing as you’d just laid bare your problems to an unsuspecting eddie.
he sits for a moment before beginning, ‘do you ever do anything for yourself?’
‘huh?’
‘what do you do that’s just for you?’ watching intently as you shuffle awkwardly.
you shrug, not really able to think of anything, ‘..i don’t know,’ it wasn’t a lie, but it felt awful to say.
‘i think, and this is just my opinion so ignore it if you want.. but i think you should stop living for other people, and start doing things for you,’ he shrugs, ‘like i said, that’s just my opinion.’
you ponder for a second, your idea of a fun time is getting to go to bed before midnight. sometimes you’d indulge in a little marijuana if it was a particularly bad day or had any spare money at the end of the week. that was about it. you didn’t really have time for all of the things he and steve would do for fun, pretentious clubs and the like. hell, you didn’t have the money for that shit.
‘i don’t think i know how.. i’ve helped my mom since my dad left.. and it’s not like i can just stop working or get a new job, like.. i have to or i’ll be homeless,’ chuckling slightly though the words just sounded depressing coming from your mouth.
‘it doesn’t mean you have to stop doing those things.. just.. do something for you too,’ lips curling into a small smile, it was genuine advice and you appreciated it but you weren’t sure your idea of enjoying yourself was the same as his.
‘okay.. how? tell me how to have fun,’ turning to face him properly, legs pulled under yourself, watching as he thinks for a second.
‘i could show you,’ his smile slowly turning into a soft smirk and you’re sure you know where this is going next.
‘okay,’ it comes out quieter than expected, swallowing as his eyes never leave yours, his hand slides across the back of the couch cushions.
his face now mere inches from yours, lips parted slightly as his eyes flit to your lips. you instinctively lean in, eyes fluttering closed, his breath tickling your cheek.
your nose brushes against his before your lips meet, hesitant to make initial contact. this would mean that you couldn’t just string him along on text, it would become something.
his lips press against yours before you can make the first move, pulling you closer by the neck, hand resting on the bare skin.
you sigh softly when they meet properly, it’d been a good while since you’d done this, now suddenly afraid that you were doing it all wrong. though there wasn’t chance to do much thinking, his lips leading the kiss, moving against yours in a fashion that felt completely natural.
fingertips pressing into your neck, trying desperately to pull you even closer than you were. the feel of his tongue swiping across your bottom lip makes your mouth fall open, allowing full access. you can feel the hint of his smile against your face, pushing his chest to yours.
steve’s door swings open and he stares down the hall at the sight of your faces smushed together, peaking just above the sofa.
‘oh,’ his voice echoes, pulling you apart, blood rushing into your cheeks, not sure how much of that he’d seen, ‘well damn, i didn’t mean to interrupt,’ laughing.
you don’t avert your eyes from your lap, embarrassed to look at your gormless roommate. you can feel the heat soaring in your cheeks, eddie’s fingers ever-so-slowly leaving your neck while he clears his throat.
‘did you want something?’
‘nope.. i’m just gonna-,’ disappearing back into his room with a quickness.
eddie turns to look at you, finding the humour in it all, ‘hey,’ placing his fingers underneath your chin, tilting it upwards to look at him, ‘it’s just steve,’ trying to ease some of your unnecessary embarrassment.
you let out a tiny giggle, nodding along with him, because at the end of the day it was just steve.
‘d’ya wanna stay?’ you ask timidly, blinking at the bambi-eyed man sat in front of you.
he nods quickly, stroking along your jawline with his thumb, soothing and gentle. his sweet, bambi eyes causing those darn butterflies to flap around your stomach again.
spending the night sharing soft kisses in bed, allowing yourself the undeniable feeling of falling for someone that you’d denied yourself for years. giddy as his hands explore the more hidden parts of your body. it wasn’t inherently sexual, but loving and intimate.
falling asleep on his chest, with a grin painted on your face.
-
you sit cross legged on the couch the next morning, eating the eggs eddie had foraged stolen from steve and very kindly cooked for you.
steve makes an appearance mid-way through the morning, looking disheveled and highly displeased when he realised those were his eggs you had enjoyed.
‘and you didn’t even leave me any? i can’t believe you, both of you.. assholes,’ he whines, coming into the living room with a pout on his face, flopping down into the spare love seat.
eddie offers the nearly demolished plate out to him, ‘here.. i’m finished anyway,’ shaking his head at the grumpy boy.
steve takes the measly piece of toast, ‘oh thanks..’ tucking in to the scraps, pleased with himself.
‘so, you and georgia? over for good or..?’ eddie asks, wanting the full story. getting in there first before steve could mention you two.
‘for good,’ he mumbles, mouth full of toast.
‘no shit,’ eddie exclaims, leaning forward to place the plate on the small coffee table, ‘you ended it or she did?’
mindlessly, you stretch your leg out over eddie’s, tuning into steve’s stupid story. you don’t even realise you’ve done it until he starts mindlessly playing with your leg, running his fingers up and down the smooth skin.
completely tuning out of whatever steve had begun to say, focussing on the way eddie’s eyes followed steve, frowning as he told this elaborate tale of the breakup-not breakup.
you’d found yourself doing that often, gazing at eddie, enamoured with the way his entire face seemed to tell you exactly what he was thinking and feeling.
it didn’t help the way his perfect, plump lips moved and you practically could feel them pressed against your-
‘are you even listening? or are you too busy making kissy faces at eddie?’ steve stops in the middle of his pacing to question you, hands stuck mid-air.
your head snaps to face him, shocked by his direct call out, ‘i- i was listening.. carry on,’ nodding to get him to continue, your cheeks once again flushing with colour.
he narrows his eyes at you before getting on with his spiel, ‘okay so, i told her.. no, no this is it and then she cried.. but i didn’t give in, nope- i left,’ he nods in satisfaction, a smug smile on his face.
from what you’d heard about their situation, he had never been the one to end things. it had always been her. so this must have been a monumental thing, and he was well worth his dues for finally growing some balls and getting rid.
eddie slaps his hand against your calf in celebration, smiling at steve, ‘good for you, y’know she’s bad news.. always has been,’ shrugging, still slightly in disbelief that he had been the one to end it.
‘robin’s gonna be so annoying.. i don’t even wanna hear it,’ shaking his head, ‘but thanks, we’re going out tomorrow, to celebrate,’ pointing at the two of you sat on the couch.
-
you’re actually ready early for once, sat glancing at the time on your phone. okay, twenty minutes til you needed to leave, a quick lie down on your bed couldn’t hurt, right? hell, you could leave in twenty five and not be late, why not?
you’d said you’d meet the guys at the bar at ten, assuming you’d be finished at nine. but then david had let you go early so you’d gone home to make yourself slightly more presentable. a little power nap couldn’t go wrong. right?
well actually, a lot could go wrong.
you’re only aware that you had dropped off to sleep when a banging at the door jolts you awake. whoever was on the other side sounded frantic, as if they were using their fist to pummel the wood.
you step quickly through the apartment, still disoriented from sleep, only just getting your bearings when you fumble for the lock, opening the door to reveal a worried looking eddie.
‘eddie? wha- what’s going on?’ eyes stinging from the bright hallway lights.
‘jesus chr- you didn’t show up.. i thought something happened,’ sounding relieved, you were confused about what all the fuss was about.
‘i fell asleep,’ realisation setting in, ‘i fell asleep, oh my god.. i’m so sorry,’ your ten minute rest had turned into a two hour long nap, completely missing your meeting time.
your heart pangs with guilt, you’d fucking slept through your first real date and without so much as a text to let him know. he must’ve thought you’d ditched him. or died. he’d definitely thought you’d died.
‘hey.. it’s okay, i just thought something had happened to you,’ giving you a reassuring smile, relieved as you stood in front of him rather than a ditch somewhere, never to be seen again.
‘i am so so sorry.. i didn’t mean to fall asleep i was just resting my eyes i literally lead down for one minute i’m so sorry,’ babbling on, one long run on sentence.
‘it’s okay,’ taking your thrashing hand into his, ‘i promise it’s okay.. okay?’
you exhale, chilling out slightly as his hand clasps yours, ‘i’m basically ready.. we could still go out?’ looking down at your slept-in outfit.
‘do you still wanna go out? you obviously need the sleep.. i don’t mind if you don’t want to,’ fingers rubbing your hands, soothing any possible lingering worries.
‘i- uh, we could just stay in? steve’s not here so..’ shrugging, you weren’t entirely confident that your suggestion had come across the way you’d planned but he nods anyway, smiling as he walks into the apartment.
so you eat pizza in bed, cross-legged with your shitty laptop playing the cheesiest rom-com you could find, much to eddie’s protests, ‘my laptop, my rules.’
but it doesn’t take long and he’s enthralled, eyes glued to the screen while yours stare at him, taking in every detail. the way his eyes crease when he smiles or the soft shadow of stubble across his chin.
‘stop staring at me and watch this stupid movie,’ smirking, not once looking over at you.
your eyes snap to the laptop, cheeks flushing as you’d been caught and rightfully called out for it. finding it hard to even focus on whatever was going on when he was sat mere inches away with that smug look on his face.
‘i was actually looking at.. your hair,’ nodding to yourself, satisfied with your excuse.
‘my hair? what about my hair?’ turning his attention to you who was now pretending to be thoroughly interested in the movie.
‘watch the stupid movie,’ you smile, throwing his own line back at him.
‘no,’ he snaps back quickly, ‘tell me what’s wrong with my hair?’ nudging your arm with his elbow.
you slowly slide your gaze to him, ‘you really wanna know?’
‘i really wanna know.’
‘it’s..’ mouth opening and closing like a fish, finding something to say, ‘curly,’ pleased with your bullshit answer.
his face contorts into pure confusion, before bursting into laughter, ‘shut up,’ lunging over to you, pushing you backwards onto the mattress, moving on top of your body.
your heart pounding a million miles an hour as his face lingers above yours, ‘you can stare at me for as long as you like,’ gaze lowering to your lips, his muscular arms either side of your face, enveloping you in.
you cut the tension first, reaching up to connect your lips, legs instinctively opening to welcome him between them. hands snaking up his arms and coming to rest on his shoulders.
you shudder when his rough hand crawls underneath your shirt, sliding up your waist until it meets your bra. he pulls back just enough to keep your lips lazily connected, looking for permission to touch you properly.
‘i don’t- i haven’t.. in a while,’ nervously gripping onto his shirt, afraid he might laugh at you for being such a shy prude.
‘okay,’ nodding, pressing tender kisses to your lips and jaw, ‘can i?’ hand still lingering just underneath your bra, itching to move up just an inch.
‘mhmm,’ rolling your head back when his lips find their way to the sensitive skin of your neck, finally gripping onto your boob from over the bra.
nibbling and sucking at the nape of your neck, pulling the lacy bra down exposing your nipple to the cold air of your room. you exhale sharply, not quite expecting the sensation of his thumb messing around with your already hard nipple.
‘i want to..’ dotting kisses down to your chest, ‘..make you feel good,’ face lowering from yours, leaving a trail of kisses on your stomach, still palming your breast on the way down.
you can’t respond, words caught in your throat as your melt into his touch, putty in his hands as his lips stop just below your bellow button, looking up for some confirmation to carry on.
‘do you want me to?’ sliding his palm down to the waistband of your jeans.
you nod hurriedly, ‘yeah.. yes,’ peering down to watch him smirk, hooking his fingers into the elastic and pulling the denim down at an excruciatingly slow pace.
your eyes fly to the ceiling, not wanting to watch as he pulls your jeans off fully, missing the excitable look on his face when he sees the lacy panties you’d worn. already sodden from his pitiful touch, embarrassed by your excitement, you squeeze your eyes shut.
the panties are next to removed and you can hear him shuffle around, placing your thighs on his shoulders as arms wrap around them, holding you in place.
‘you just tell me if you want me to stop, okay?’ he mumbles, planting gentle, teasing kisses to the inside of your thigh.
‘mmm,’ you hum in response, aching for him to just touch you already.
his tongue travels between your folds, causing your thighs to clench together, essentially trapping him between your legs. this is all the encouragement he needs, repeating the action, fingers making indentations in your skin.
‘you’re.. huh,’ circling his tongue around your clit, finding the perfect spot to have you clinging onto the bedsheets, ‘soaked,’ middle and index finger leaving your thigh to tease your hole, edging their way in.
your whimpers are music to his ears, relishing in the high pitched wail he pulls from you the second his fingers enter. tongue still lapping at your clit, moving in the most unholy manner.
‘holy shit,’ you whine when his fingers curl up inside, pumping in and out painfully slow. balling the cotton sheet in your fist, desperately trying to ground yourself.
he’s relentless, swirling his tongue up and down your folds, paying particular attention to your clit and the way your thighs tightened around his head when he found the sweet, spongy spot inside.
your eyes rolling back into your head at your impending orgasm, pleasure coursing through your stomach, unable to find the words to warn him of what was coming.
he knows when your thighs begin to shake and you clench around his fingers, grinning into your pussy as the most unholy sound escapes your lips, echoing through the tall room.
eddie emerges from between your legs, satisfied with himself, finger tips still digging into the pliant skin of your thighs. watching dutifully as writhe, the evidence of you all over his lips as the glisten in the dim light.
‘you good?’ he asks, carefully pushing himself up to perch above you, leaning on one elbow.
you nod, still trying to get your bearings from the earth-shattering orgasm he’d just given you. blinking up at him when you eventually come back to this earth, his eyes full of lust and wanting.
‘i am happy to do that anytime.. by the way,’ a deep chuckle erupting from his throat, hand coming up to brush the sticky hair from your forehead.
you could feel him in between your bodies, sort of taken aback that he hadn’t even done that for his pleasure, but yours.
‘please,’ you whisper bashfully, suddenly coy before the man who was just between your legs.
‘gladly,’ smiling as your lips connect, the taste of you all over his mouth. it was probably the filthiest thing you’d ever done, but you enjoyed it, hell, you were proud of it.
-
you’re sweating bullets on the subway, clinging onto the bag on your shoulder. it’d be the first time you were staying at eddie’s house, solidifying that this wasn’t just a casual, situational thing.
it wasn’t like you’d never shared a bed or even been intimate for christ’s sake. staying at his place just sorta felt like the next step to being something else.
you’re almost trembling when you lift your hand to knock, checking that you’d got the right place for the fourth time.
when the door opens you’re relieved to see eddie on the other side, already grinning and rushing you inside, taking your bag from your clutch.
it was nothing like you’d imagined, slightly cluttered but with much more character than yours and steve’s apartment had. he’d made it his home, even with a roommate.
‘d’you find it alright? feels weird seeing you here,’ chuckling awkwardly, watching as you glance around the room, noticing the guitar leant up against the wall.
‘yeah.. sorry, you play?’ surprised that you didn’t know this about him, shocked that he had never bought it up.
‘ahh.. yeah, used to be in a band,’ his hand rubbing on the back of his neck, all bashful. you loved it, normally so confident and assured in himself that seeing him practically shrink in front of you was so alien.
‘and you didn’t tell me? i thought we were friends,’ it sounds weird to say but technically it was true, not entirely sure where you stood in terms of your relationship status.
‘we’re friends? did i just get friendzoned?’ his lips curling into a smile, the confident eddie rushing back.
‘well,’ you struggle with words, ‘as far as i’m aware.. we’re just friends,’ hoping that it didn’t seem like you were deliberately dropping hints. even though you totally were.
he saunters closer, ‘what’re you saying?’ smile growing, leering down at you with those sickening eyes.
you shake your head, unable to contain your own grin, ‘nothin’,’ craning your head up to look at him properly, the creases by his eyes only increasing.
‘hmm.. kinda seems like you were,’ teasing in the way he spoke, words dripping with sarcasm.
‘okay, so we’re not friends.. what are we then?’
‘well, you could be my girlfriend? does that sound better?’ his hand hovering over your waist, not wanting to preemptively celebrate in case he had got this completely wrong.
‘sounds perfect to me,’ fully grinning as one hand clamps down onto your waist, the other tenderly caressing your jaw, pulling your jaw up towards him.
you can feel the warmth of his breath on your forehead as he exhales, ‘thank god you said yes,’ the cold of the ring on his thumb tracing along your jawbone.
you chuckle quietly, ‘don’t be silly,’ pressing your lips to his in a soft kiss, arms coming up to snake around his neck, keeping him as close as can be.
your boyfriend.
-
eddie had gone to take a shower, leaving you in his bed, in his shirt, grinning away like a mad woman. it’s nauseating how happy you were, stomach bubbling with excitement and slight nervousness.
rolling over to grab your phone from the nightstand, your stomach dropping the second the screen lights up.
five missed calls from mom
two new voicemails
you sit up against the headboard, dialling the voicemail box, already imagining a hundred and one horrible things that may have happened.
hey baby, i uh, i tried to call you but i couldn’t get through.. ross is in the hospital, we’re not sure what it is yet.. please call me when you get this, okay love you
her worried tone sets alarm bells ringing immediately. your little brother had been sick the past couple of weeks, just the flu she’d said.
you don’t even listen to the next voicemail, hopping out of bed while you ring her number directly. the dial tone pissing you off as it rings and rings.
‘hello?’ you rush down the phone the second it connects, trying to shimmy into your jeans one handed.
‘oh my god,’ she breathes down the phone, ‘baby are you okay? i couldn’t get ahold of you.. we’re still waiting on results,’ your mom sighs shakily, you can hear the faint beeping of the hospital in the background.
‘i’m coming home, i-i’ll get the train or something.. wha-what’s wrong with him?’
eddie appears from the bathroom, towel draped around his waist, obviously alarmed by your distressed tone and holding his hand out for you to balance on as you wriggle into your jeans.
‘we’re not sure.. one of the nurses thinks it could be pneumonia, they’re doing some blood work.. how long will it take to get back?’
you weren’t even sure if there were trains at this time of night. maybe you could a bus? or a couple of buses? it was already the best part of an hour to drive, that’s without relying on public transport.
‘i don’t know.. there might be a train, uh- shit,’ rushing around eddie’s room searching for your shoes, ‘i’ll be there as soon as i can, okay? i’ll think of something,’ sliding your feet into your dirty old sneakers.
‘okay baby.. i love you, text me when you know, okay?’
‘okay.. okay, i love you too,’ you mutter into the phone, sliding it into your pocket and looking frantically around the room for your jacket.
‘what’s going on?’ eddie asks, still none the wiser and now dripping water onto the carpet.
‘my brother’s in the hospital.. i need to go home,’ voice shaking, becoming increasingly frustrated at your missing jacket.
‘i’ll drive you,’ he says without hesitation, springing into action.
‘it’s like an hour- i was, i can get the train,’ you rush, watching as he gets changed, a million times calmer than you were.
‘no, i’ll drive.. there’s no trains at this time,’ retrieving a new shirt from the drawer, patting his jeans for his keys.
it’s only then that you stop, everything hitting you all at once. completely overwhelmed by his selflessness and the calming nature he was exuding even in such an intense situation.
the tears spill over onto your cheeks and he’s immediately pulling you into his chest, arms encasing your shaking body as you sob into his clean shirt.
‘hey.. it’s okay, he’s okay.. you’re okay,’ large hand rubbing circles on your back, soothing you as you attempt to catch your breath.
you nod into his chest, collecting yourself just enough to pull away, anxious to get there and see your little brother.
‘i know,’ you babble, not believing the words coming out of your mouth, ‘are you sure? i’m sure there’s a bus..’
‘i’m sure,’ he nods, ‘you ready?’
‘mhm,’ you squeak, ‘my jacket..’ looking around aimlessly.
but he already knows where it is, obviously. grabbing the leather jacket and swinging it over your shoulders as he leads the way out of the door and to his van.
-
the journey is awful. your mind racing over every single possibility. guilt making your stomach churn, feeling as selfish as ever because you weren’t there when they needed you.
eddie’s hand creeps over to rest on your knee and it helps for a moment, knowing that he was there even in your self-loathing, pathetic state.
he most definitely broke a number of laws getting to the hospital but you couldn’t care less. screeching into the parking lot and into a space. you barely give him time to turn the engine off before jumping out and speeding into the hospital.
the lady at the desk is as helpful as possible, directing you to the intensive care unit with some vague directions.
you make it there eventually, eddie trailing behind as you ask another doctor where they were. he takes you to a room on the corner, opening the door to reveal your mom curled up on the chair and your frail looking brother asleep in the bed.
she looks up, relief washing over her face as you step into the room, bounding over to her and pulling her into a tight hug. squeezing your eyes shut so to not let the tears fall.
she smelt like home. like all the comforts you’d missed in the city. warmth and peace.
her hands clutch your shoulders, pulling you apart, ‘he’s okay.. he’s okay, it’s a bad bout of pneumonia but he’s okay,’ smiling ever-so-slightly, ‘we’re just waiting for him to wake up now.’
you can feel the air expel from your lungs, you weren’t even aware that you’d been holding your breath until it all came out.
‘oh my god,’ you sigh, pulling her back into your arms, ‘he’s not gonna die..’ really only saying it to confirm it yourself.
she chuckles tearfully, ‘no baby..’ her eyes move to eddie who was lingering by the door, pulling away once again, ‘sorry.. who’s this?’ completely bewildered by the long haired stranger stood before her.
‘oh uh, this is eddie, my.. boyfriend,’ watching as he offers his hand out for her to shake, ‘he drove me here,’ smiling at the sight of them even interacting.
‘hello.. eddie,’ shaking his hand before glancing back at your shirt, ‘..boyfriend,’ she utters to herself. you could decipher the exact look in her eye and will most definitely collar you later for not telling her about him.
he gives her a tiny, tight lipped smile, he’d never have imagined meeting your mom tonight but here we are.
you take her attention back before she can probe him, ‘have you eaten? why don’t you go and get some sleep and we can wait until he wakes up? i’ll call you as soon as he does.’
she pauses before nodding once, ‘yeah.. yeah,’ narrowing her eyes, ‘the minute he wakes up, okay?’ squeezing your arm, affirming that she was just so grateful for you being here.
she collects her things, reiterating that her phone will be on loudspeaker and you must call as soon as his eyes open. she’d be back at seven if you hadn’t called.
giving eddie another polite smile and a quick thank you before leaving. she’d looked exhausted and slightly dazed, probably thankful now that you were here to watch over ross.
‘sorry ‘bout my mom..’ you smile, ‘you don’t have to stay.. if you need to get back, i’ll be okay,’ he’d already done so much for you, asking him to stay would be too much. even if you were dreading being here all on your own.
‘i’m staying, as long as that’s alright with you?’ cocking his eyebrow, taking a seat on the uncomfortable, brown hospital chairs, settling in for what was going to be a long night.
you nod quickly, ‘of course,’ choosing to perch on the side of your brothers bed, trying your hardest to swallow the growing lump in your throat.
he looked sick. pale and sweaty with tubes coming out of every part of him. it didn’t matter though. he was going to be okay.
-
your head rests on eddie’s lap, his fingers playing with your hair as you doze in and out of sleep. too anxious to properly rest. the nose of the machines doing you no favours.
‘shit,’ you exclaim, your other responsibilities had just dawned on you. it was deadline day and your final column was stuck, wedged in a bag on eddie’s bedroom floor.
‘hmm?’ he hums, shuffling as you’d startled him from his daze.
‘my column..’ you shake your head, it didn’t matter, not really. not when your brother was still stuck in here, god knows how many tubes coming out of his body.
‘what about it?’
you exhale softly, temple brushing against the rough denim of his jeans, ‘it’s due today.. it doesn’t matter,’ shrugging, accepting the loss.
‘when?’ he asks, fingers still weaving through your hair.
‘at five,’ the columnist position disappearing from in front of your eyes, ‘it’s okay.. i’m sure there’ll be another job.. somewhere,’ trying to hide the disappointment in your voice.
frankly, you’d be lucky if you had a job at this point. simmon’s wouldn’t keep you on if you didn’t turn up tomorrow night and the internship had finished.
‘have you finished it?’ adjusting in the seat, tilting your head up towards him.
you nod, swallowing as you’re sure you can guess what he’s going to say next. there’s not a chance you’d let him drive back just to hand in your stupid column.
‘i’ll take it, you just gotta tell me what and where to go,’ lips twitching into a soft smile, massaging your cheek with his thumb.
‘no, i can’t ask you to do that,’ jutting your bottom lip out.
‘you didn’t, i offered.. it’s different.’
you pause, stomach fluttering and all you can do it nod. brain turning to mush as his eyes study your face, the slight curve of his pretty pink lips was entrancing. snapping back to reality when you remembered where you were.
‘i’ll go when your mom comes back, yeah?’
‘if you’re sure.. it’s in my bag in your room, i can text you the address.. you really don’t have to,’ blinking up at him, astounded by his kindness, the pure calmness he exudes.
‘shut up, i want to,’ reassuring you with a smile, brushing the hair off of your forehead.
he goes the second your mom turns up, looking slightly more like herself, giving him a small appreciative hug for staying with you all night.
the inevitable grilling is cut short when ross opens his eyes, coughing and spluttering as he comes to. both of you rushing to his bedside, being ever so gentle to not hurt his already fragile body.
he’s still sleepy, but so grateful to see you at his side. you swear to yourself, and to him to not ever be away from him for so long again. your heart wrenching at his weak smile, clinging to his cold fingers and reaffirming a million times that you were here.
-
you’re milling around the bright, sterile room. waiting for the nurse to administer the next round of drugs when your phone rings, startling you.
it’s eddie. stepping out of the room into the silent hallway and answering.
‘hello?’ smiling to yourself the second you hear his voice.
‘hey.. did you do it?’
‘yup, all handed in.. she said something about an email? i don’t really know.. but yeah, it’s in,’ you can hear the slam of his van door.
breathing a sigh of relief knowing that maybe all hadn’t been lost, ‘thank you.. thank you so much.’
‘i spoke to.. fuck, i think his name was david? he said to take the week off and he hopes your brother’s okay.’
‘you went to simmon’s? eddie i- you didn’t have to.. thank you,’ your heart bursting through your chest, you weren’t sure that anyone had ever cared about you this much.
‘now.. i’ve got you some clothes, d’you want me to bring them now or i can come later?’ his jury’s jangling in the background.
you want to tell him no, to stop being so kind, to stop making your heart swell with every word, every thoughtful action. but you can’t, instead nodding enthusiastically though he couldn’t see you.
‘you can come now.. thank you, i owe you my life,’ listening to the engine turn on, already on his way back to you.
‘you owe me nothin’.. i’ll be about an hour, okay?’
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meirmakesstuff · 1 year
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If you're thinking of attending a synagogue service as a way to support your local Jewish community but don't know how:
I'm writing this on 10/13/23, but this applies to any occasion when the Jewish community might be in a state of fear or sadness, or when you might be moved to show support for your local Jewish community by showing up. The main comment I've gotten from people who want to do this is that they don't know how to begin, so here's a quick guide for how to actually do that if you've never been to or interacted with a synagogue before.
How to choose a synagogue
How to ask first
What to wear and bring
When you get there
Additional notes
How to choose a synagogue
Depending on where you live, googling "synagogue [zip code]" may get you a lot or very few hits. Look at the synagogue's website for hints.
If you see the words "messianic" or "yeshua" that's not a real synagogue, that's predatory Christians hoping to be mistaken for Jews. Supporting them does not support your local Jewish community.
Check for the words "Orthodox," "Conservative," "Reconstructing Judaism," or "Reform" to help know what to expect. If you would be distressed to encounter segregated seating by binary gender, that's a reason you might avoid an Orthodox synagogue. The word "Conservative" in this context does not refer to political opinions, it's the name of a denomination just like Orthodox, Reconstructing, and Reform--what's being conserved in Conservative Judaism is liturgical traditions and religious observances. In fact, in most of these settings, to a lesser or greater extent depending on your specific location, you are likely to find the majority of people leaning generally to the left of your local average, politically. Which isn't to say there won't be outliers, that's just the typical makeup. In terms of service length, a Reform synagogue service is likely the shortest. It will also likely contain the most English during the service. No mainstream denomination of Judaism practices proselytizing. You should not fear that anyone will actively try to convert you.
On the synagogue website they should list start times for Friday night and Saturday morning services. That will help you choose a service you might be able to attend. I'll add notes on the differences and what to expect from either later on.
How to ask first
Not all communities will find an unexpected visitor to be a safe situation, no matter how good your intentions may be. Before you show up at a synagogue, check the website for the email addresses for the rabbi and either the president or "info" or something similar. Here's a model script for you to use:
Hi Rabbi [Lastname], I'm not Jewish but was looking for ways to show support to our local Jewish community and wondered if it would be appropriate to attend a service this coming [Friday/Saturday] as a way of showing my local Jewish community that you are not alone. If that would not be appreciated, is there another gesture an individual could make that would help this community feel supported? Otherwise, what do I need to know in order to be respectful to your community while attending a service? Sincerely, [your name]
You can also ask about accessibility questions you might have in the same email.
In a larger city or a place that has recieved threats of violence recently, they may be more cautious, but a synagogue in a small city or suburban area may simply say that anyone is welcome to show up to any service.
What to wear and bring
If the rabbi or synagogue office emails back with clothing guidelines, follow them. If not, bet on business casual as a dress code: for a masculine presentation, slacks, a button-down shirt with or without a tie, and a blazer or sweater, and for a feminine presentation slacks or a skirt knee length or longer, with a top that covers the shoulders. for Orthodox and some Conservative synagogues, wear long or three-quarter sleeves. In an Orthodox synagogue, women typically wear dresses and skirts rather than pants. I would advise avoiding wearing a visible cross while attending a service of any Jewish denomination.
You don't need to bring anything in particular with you. Be sure to place your cell phone on silent and double-check that any alarms are turned off. In Orthodox and many other synagogues, people may avoid carrying wallets with them, but no one should be offended that you have yours with you as a visitor.
This should go without saying but do not bring any kind of weapon with you. In a large city with high security needs your bag may be searched or you may be asked to show ID before entering. It is very likely that you will see a uniformed police officer or armed security guard. Synagogues in large cities might have dramatically increased their security presence this week. A visitor who is being respectful to the community is not what they're looking for.
Jewish people attending the service may bring prayer shawls or kippot (singular: kipa, also called yarmulkes) to wear. A visitor is not expected to have these. Most synagogues have baskets of kippot available at the entrance for guests. In Orthodox communities, men should wear one while in the building and women should not. In Conservative communities men should wear one and others may decide to wear one or not. In any other community you may but are not expected to wear a kipa. There will likely also be a rack of prayer shawls at the door, but non-Jews are not expected to wear these.
When you get there
Someone may make a point of approaching you early on. Please don't be embarrassed to tell them that you're not Jewish. Some synagogues will make a point on Saturday morning of assigning an "honor," that is, a role in the service, to Jewish newcomers. If someone approaches you to offer you an honor or asks you a question you don't understand, you can say "Thank you, I'm not Jewish, I'm visiting to show support for the community." Alternately, someone may simply approach you to welcome you and help you get situated.
If not, feel free to find yourself a seat.
In an Orthodox synagogue, in which the seating will be segregated by gender, there will be a curtain or screen between the men's and women's sections. The women's section may be side-by-side with the men's, behind it, or above it in a balcony. A synagogue with a balcony should either have an elevator or a small section of the lower level set apart from the men's section for Disabled women's seating.
In any other denomination, seating is not segregated by gender. In that case there is no wrong part of the general seating area that is wrong to sit in.
There are differing norms in different communities about how much talking is appropriate during services, so go along with what you see around you. Since you will likely not know the songs and much of what happens will be in Hebrew, you may lose your place in the book. If you're not able to find the page, feel free to read something that interests you in the book or look around the room. No one would judge you as a guest for not already knowing the service. Feel free to chime in if you hear everyone saying "amen" in unison or if you catch on to a song, but don't feel pressured to do anything but be present.
There will be times during the service where people will sit, stand, bow, or make other motions. If you are not able to stand, or if you are able to stand but not safely or comfortably or for a long time, please know that it's perfectly okay to remain seated for your own safety. Otherwise, sit and stand when the people around you sit and stand, and don't feel that you have to bow or keep up with other motions.
The service will likely end with blessings over wine and bread. This is not like the Christian eucharist, it's just food, with blessings of gratitude. These blessings may be recited as the last part of the service or in a room where snacks will be laid out. Again follow people's lead on when it's the right time to start taking snacks.
During the snack period people may approach you and introduce themselves. Now is a good time to tell them that you're here to show support to the community, but don't directly mention any specific occurrence unless someone brings it up first. If people are talking about Israel or current events, listen without contributing opinions unless they ask directly. Don't try to be funny or clever about it: this is not the time to tell everyone your super great idea for how to fix everything in the Middle East by putting the pope in charge or launching it to the moon or having it annexed by Aotearoa. The Jews are tired. You're here to listen. People may say things you disagree with. It's okay. You don't have to fix anyone's opinion right now. You don't even have to come back. If someone is making you uncomfortable, excuse yourself, get a second helping of cake, and say hi to someone different. This is a good time to say hello to the service leaders if you haven't met them before the service began. You can compliment the sermon or singing, or just say "I'm glad I came, I hope I was able to help this community feel supported."
Additional notes
Almost every synagogue occasionally has non-members and non-Jewish guests take part in community activities. An exception is very small communities in places where outsiders are generally hostile. It's not weird to be present in Jewish spaces as a non-Jew unless the people in that community make it weird. If so, you don't owe them anything and you don't have to come back. Every community is different, and I've been to synagogues I wouldn't choose to return to. As a general rule though, you will almost certainly be welcomed and asked about yourself. Feel free to share a little about the conversations that led to you wanting to show up for your local Jewish community, since people will likely be curious, but also remember to ask lots of questions yourself. As a general rule, Jews love to explain ourselves, so please do ask questions about the things you see and experience in the synagogue.
Topics to avoid unless someone directly asks you:
What you personally believe about God
Your personal feelings about Israel
How you would solve the situation if you were in charge
your past experience of Christianity
Jesus, in any context
Violence of any kind
What you think this community, its rabbi, Jews in general, or the Israeli government could be doing better.
Most of these are simply a matter of that there's a time and place for everything, and a Jewish service at a time of stress and sadness is not the time for these particular topics. If you feel a strong urge to talk about these topics without being asked, find a different location and group of people to do that with. The best way to be successful at showing support is to genuinely listen.
If you are a non-Jew interested in doing this and have follow-up questions, or if you are Jewish and feel I left out important details, please go ahead. I'm also happy to talk by PM if you need help figuring out a specific synagogue website. I'm not interested in doxxing anyone.
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the-littlest-lily · 9 months
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30 Days of G/t Self Care
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I'm not fully sure where this idea came from, but here we go! I do enjoy a fun little daily challenge, and like most things my mind went to “but how can I make it G/t?” And here we are! Just in time for the new year, a 30 day self care challenge but… sizey. I wanted to make an actual calendar thing, just in time for the new year (though it can be started at any time, it's not specific to January). Check the days off, spread them out over a longer time, pick out just the ones that speak to you, whatever you want to do 😊 Here's the guide to go with it.
Day 1. Set aside a few minutes to take some deep breaths and focus on the present moment. To help ground yourself, perhaps wrap yourself in a blanket and imagine you are in a large, lovingly grasping hand, or hold a small item and imagine it's a tiny friend.
Day 2. Revisit some nostalgic G/t media. What first got you into this? Let yourself reminisce and remember why you love this in the first place.
Day 3. Make G/t art. It can be anything! Drawing, writing, crochet, pottery, you name it. No need to hold yourself to a certain standard or show anyone else, just take some time to be creative. Even if you don't deem yourself an artist, give it a shot and see if you enjoy it!
Day 4. Relax with a word search puzzle. I made a G/t themed one for you right here!
Day 5. Try out this journal prompt. If you could be tiny/big at will, what types of things would you do to relax? How might you extrapolate from this and apply it to your real life?
Day 6. Stretch your body today. What imaginary setting could you give yourself to make it G/t? Are you surrounded by gigantic furniture in your mind’s eye? Perhaps the yoga video on your phone helps you pretend you have a tiny instructor?
Day 7. Listen to some G/t music. This could be anything, from sizey music videos to songs with sizey lyrics to the Arietty soundtrack.
Day 8. Practice gratitude by listing out all the little things you're thankful for. (See what I did there?) Add some big things to the list for good measure.
Day 9. Practice stepping out of your comfort zone a little bit by talking about G/t, out loud if you’re able. Whether it's discussing with a friend (you brave soul), recording yourself on your phone (you can immediately delete it), or just mumbling to yourself in the shower. Maybe you’ll realize you want to make a G/t podcast and we all win!
Day 10. Here's a little creative prompt. Arrange everyday items to make a G/t scene (use toys, miniatures, or even fashion a tiny person out of paperclips or paper). Take a picture, share it if you like!
Day 11. Create a cozier space today to enjoy your G/t content. Grab some blankets, make yourself a snack or some tea, light some candles, whatever sounds nice to you. Sometimes it's making a mundane moment special!
Day 12. Make yourself something healthy to eat. While you prepare it, imagine how different the task might be to carry out if you were very big or very small. Maybe even have some fun making your snack in miniature too.
Day 13. Try out some affirmations today and see if you can make them both sizey and relevant to your life. Ideas of mantras could be “I am allowed to take up space,” “I choose to appreciate the little things today,” “I will achieve great things through small steps.”
Day 14. Go out into nature for some fresh air. Lean in close and pay attention to the small details, perhaps imagining a shrunken version of yourself or a small friend exploring.
Day 15. Challenge yourself to learn a new skill today to bring your Gt ideas to life. Maybe it's learning how to code, or making your own VR avatar, or learning a new art tool or technique. It's finally time to watch that tutorial you've been saving! 
Day 16. Pull out your dream journal, or start up a new one! Maybe we’ll figure out the whole lucid dreaming thing and come close to experiencing Gt, wouldn't that be the dream~ If this doesn't resonate with you, maybe start a journal to jot down your Gt daydreams instead!
Day 17. Relax with a crossword puzzle. I made a G/t themed one for you right here!
Day 18. Try to cross a few to dos off your to do list someday. Make it more fun by adding in some joke tasks in there, like “leave out a snack for the fairies” or “prep for borrowing trip tonight” or “meet with giant friend for coffee.” Maybe even schedule some real life Gt tasks - such as “work on chapter 2 of (Gt story you're writing)” or “plan a VRC hangout”.
Day 19. It's time to dress the part! Is there any way you can dress up or accessorize yourself in a sizey way? Maybe you have an oversized hoodie, or a necklace of a tiny Eiffel tower, or an old shirt with Tinkerbell on it. Did you know you can actually buy Arietty’s giant hair clip thing? Or if this better scratches your creative itch, maybe your objective is to make tiny accessories for a toy or figurine.
Day 20. Take some time to rest. Just allow yourself to lay down in a quiet, cozy setting for at least a few minutes and have some dedicated G/t daydreaming. 
Day 21. Try out a new exercise routine and use your G/t imaginings to make it more fun. Watching a new workout video? You’re a giant visiting the gym and that's your human instructor on the screen. Spontaneous dance session in your room? You're a fairy frolicking in a field of enormous wildflowers. Going for a swim? You're actually crossing a vast ocean, or maybe a small glass of water.
Day 22. Check out a new G/t story. Not a big reader normally? Just give it a shot!
Day 23. Give yourself a pamper night, whatever that means for you - face masks, cucumber water, a warm drink, candles, the works. Pamper night (face masks and stuff)
Day 24. Make or buy something for your G/t interests (miniatures or toys, “max”iature like a giant flower pillow, fairy-themed stationary, make a giant paper mache strawberry, etc)
Day 25. Relax with a coloring page. You can use any of your favorite artist’s lineart (just make sure to get permission and/or proper attribution if you want to post it). Here's an example option from me.
Day 26. Make a list of all the things you love about G/t. It's always nice to remember the various ways this interest might benefit our lives.
Day 27. Motivate yourself to try out a new hobby by making it G/t. Take that pottery class you've been meaning to take and make a giant acorn-shaped mug. Get into cosplay so you can dress up as a borrower. Dabble with watercolors and you may end up becoming a G/t artist. Study a new language and enjoy new sizey media you couldn't understand before. Whatever speaks to you! 
Day 28. Do a favor for your future self and make a self care kit for when you're having a hard time. This could include a journal or affirmation cards, or perhaps some grounding items like fidget toys, stress balls and mints. Add a little something G/t in there too. Perhaps some kind of miniature with an interesting texture, or a fidget toy in the shape of a person, or a stuffed animal of a giant ladybug to hug. 
Day 29. An act of kindness can do wonders for our mental health. Send someone in the G/t community a kind comment today, whether it's a long-time friend, someone you just met in a Discord group, or a comment to your favorite G/t artist. 
Day 30. Reflect on all the activities you’ve tried during this self care challenge and journal about it. What have you learned about yourself? What might you incorporate more into your self care routines going forward? Pat yourself on the back for investing some time and attention into yourself - you deserve it!
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