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runariya · 19 days ago

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Crash Course in Love • 3

pairing: snowboard instructor!Jungkook x ex-gf!reader (feat. platonic OT6) genre: rom-com, Exes 2 Lovers, slow-burn, angst rating: 18+, MDNI warnings: strong language, slow burn, angst, tension, bad communication skills, heartbreak, hangover, doubts, emotional rollercoaster, fight against nature, being stranded, crying, verbal fighting and screaming, explicit sexual content, bit of dry humping, fingering, scissoring, unprotected sex, breast play, hickeys, scratch marks, love bites, lmk if I forgot smth word count: 15.3k

a/n: i'm absolutely knackered now, completely worn out. BUT it was sooooo worth it lol hope y'all enjoy it to the fullest bc next update probably won't be until the new year...sooooo...have funnnn!

a/n 2: This work is purely fictional. All characters and events are entirely imaginary and do not reflect reality. No translations are allowed without permission. Thank you for understanding! 💕

01 • 02 • masterlist • 04

Day 4

“Fuck.”

You think you’ve woken up in hell—it must be—because, oh god, you feel like death. Your eyes are crusted shut, and you can’t feel your legs. But as you rub the sleep out of your eyes and prop yourself up on your elbows, you realise it’s just Namjoon lying across them, snoring away.

You try to take in the room, piecing together the hazy puzzle of last night. The party, the song, you running off only to drown yourself with Yoongi and Namjoon in alcohol, throwing your own little after-party. You remember crying, remember singing your heart out to sad love songs blaring through Dionysus. What a fucking mess you’ve become…

But after all that chaos, there’s only blackness. And seeing Yoongi and Namjoon still here with you in the suite, all of you fully dressed and reeking of alcohol, tells you enough. And as you groan, not just from the bottomless pit of stupidity, but from the pounding in your head, you let yourself collapse back onto your pillow.

You fight back another wave of tears, wishing the last 24 hours could just be erased, wishing you were back at home. You fumble blindly for your phone, finding it on the nightstand nearby.

2:56 p.m.

Just brilliant. Though, at least you’re spared from spending the whole day on the slopes. Not that you’d be able to walk straight with how you’re feeling, but a win’s a win.

You need to get up, though, so you start stirring both men awake. Yoongi’s not blocking you, but if you’re up, he has to be as well. Much to your surprise, both of them wake without protest, getting themselves into a sitting position on the bed, looking like zombies straight out of The Walking Dead. You reckon you look about the same.

“Sorry,” Namjoon mumbles as you begin massaging some blood back into your legs, which feel like they’re fighting for dear life.

“S’alright,” you croak out, unable to manage much more.

“Painkillers.” Yoongi just sits there, staring at his blanket, the rise and fall of his chest the only proof he’s still alive, though barely.

You and Namjoon both nod, but no one actually moves until, eventually, Namjoon rises—slowly, hands leaving the mattress only at the last second before he somehow straightens up and makes his way to the door, though it’s anything but a straight line.

You’re the second to get up, staggering into the bathroom to wash off everything clinging to you. You’re not sure if it’s just dried sweat or a bit of alcohol still on your skin, though you have a vague memory of Tae pouring something over your back. Either way, you’re in desperate need of a full shower to feel human again.

The only upside to this hangover is that your mind has finally shut up. Every bit of energy is focused on basic bodily functions, like breathing without throwing up and blinking your bloodshot eyes now and then. You’re not even fazed when Yoongi stumbles in, taking a piss that seems to go on forever; he clearly couldn’t give a fuck, and neither can you.

When you’ve finished rinsing your hair and are wrapped in a towel that’s too soft to absorb any actual moisture, you quietly switch places with Yoongi, both of you unintentionally making a point not to make eye contact.

You’re not entirely sure why you’re still here—not just in this town but on this entire trip. There’s no real drive left in you to give Jungkook closure, no fight in you at all, and definitely no desire to ever see him again.

So, you decide to get the hell out of here. Not right this second, no, your blood alcohol is likely still sky-high and will take a nosedive soon, taking you down with it, but tomorrow, you’re leaving. It’s the healthiest thing you could do, because frankly, you lost Jungkook years ago, and that realisation sobers you up more than anything else could.

It doesn’t stir the same emotions it once did as you pull Jungkook’s old hoodie out of your luggage—or maybe you’re just too tired to care—as you tug the oversized black fabric over your head, the only comfortable thing you’d brought on this trip. Some leggings on, with your phone stuffed into the front pocket of the hoodie, you make your way to the main area, letting your eyes roam to maybe spot your missing phone case.

Jungkook’s already lounging in a single armchair, poking absently at the fire with an iron stick, his gaze tracking you as you move around the room. But you ignore him. It’s not like you’re being petty this time, and he can probably tell from your posture that you’re just not in the mood to interact at all.

You’re especially glad he doesn’t mention your—or rather, his—hoodie, and when you give up the search, realising the case isn’t lying around here either, you shuffle over to the sofa, collapsing onto it and immediately pulling out your phone. Scrolling through YouTube, you pull the hoodie’s hood down a bit further to block out Jungkook entirely, settling on a spa video promising a very satisfying blackhead extraction.

If your life’s this miserable, you’re at least going to give yourself this kind of satisfaction, even if it’s short-lived. And anyway, there are millions of similar videos waiting for you and your lonely ass.

Namjoon emerges midway through your video, nudging your legs to make space for him. You shift, but only to let your legs settle in his lap as soon as he sits down.

“Here,” he offers, handing you two painkillers, which you take like they’re sweets, chewing them up so they might kick in faster. He pulls a disgusted face, but it quickly fades—probably can’t be bothered to waste any energy as well.

“Jimin brought food,” Jungkook breaks the silence, still poking at the fire. “Should I get you some?”

You’re not sure if he’s talking to you or Namjoon, but you answer anyway. “I’m good, thanks.”

Maybe he expected a different answer, as his stick pauses for a moment, but you couldn’t care less. The chance to talk things out has passed, along with your will. It’s on him now. You’ve seen and heard enough.

“Why did you leave the party so early?” he tries again.

“It was because of me, I just—”

You cut Namjoon off; he really doesn’t need to do this for you. “Stop lying, I wanted to leave, and Namjoon and Yoongi didn’t want me to be alone.”

“Why?”

You pause your video, turning to meet Jungkook’s eyes. He’s bouncing his leg and chewing on his lip ring again, but it’s not your problem if he’s anxious or whatever. “None of your business.”

Namjoon gives your knee a slight squeeze, and while Jungkook turns his attention back to the flames like you’re the one who’s hurt him, he can go fuck himself. You’re not dealing with him right now. Not when he’s got Hara pregnant and sings love songs for her.

Yoongi enters at that moment, settling into the armchair beside Jungkook and just managing to catch the two painkillers Namjoon tosses his way.

Silence returns, and you restart your video, losing yourself in the meditative extractions.

“Can I get a haaaawyeah?!” Tae bursts into the hostel, bringing Hope and Hara with him. Three of the four present groan in agony at the sudden noise, and you’re one of them. Still, you shift to sit up, making room for them to join.

You’re not sure why Hara chooses to sit next to you, quietly handing over a takeaway box of food with that warm, familiar smile of hers—you know it’s got to be from Jin’s.

“I’m not hungry,” you mumble, the bite you had a few minutes ago already feeling like it never had been there to begin with.

“Please, eat something. Your body needs it.”

She’s right, but you can’t bring yourself to even lift the lid, staring blankly at it as if it’ll somehow reveal yet another surprise you’re not ready for. You know it’s not Hara’s fault you’re feeling like this, or that Jungkook chose her, but right now, all you can feel is bitterness, and her kindness only multiplies it.

Almost unconsciously, you glance up and find Jungkook’s eyes fixed on you, his leg still bouncing lightly, clearly tuned out from the lively conversation between the other guys.

You’ve kept this empty space in your heart reserved for him for so long, never realising he’d never fill it again. You just don’t have the energy for this anymore, the will to keep playing his game where he pulls you back into his world only to remind you you’re no longer really part of it. Not properly.

You wonder if Jungkook even realises what he’s doing, if he has any clue about how his actions come across. Or maybe he’s just as stuck as you, caught up in his patterns and too blind to see beyond them. The care and worry in his eyes when he looks at you, when he notices you making poor choices for your health—maybe, you reason, it’s just because he doesn’t know how to be any other way and nothing more.

But that’s the thing about Jungkook: he genuinely cares. And that’s why he’s going to be the best dad on this earth—just not to your children.

“I’m really not hungry.” You think you see Jungkook’s jaw tick just a bit, but he again chooses to say nothing, his gaze, though, never wavering from you.

“I didn’t mean to, but damn, that woman was something else,” Tae bursts, sprawled on the floor in front of you, accidentally nudging your knee as he laughs with the others.

“Who?” you ask, trying to tune into the conversation just to get away from the other.

“That woman who was sitting by the bar all night. Tae pulled her,” Hope bursts out laughing, especially at your disgusted, shocked face.

“Was she any good?” Namjoon inquires, like it’s the most normal thing to ask about a one-night stand.

“What can I say? She taught me things I didn’t even know existed.”

Yep, that info’s enough to make you gag for real, and judging by Yoongi and Jungkook’s expressions, they’re feeling the same.

“Want some?” you offer Yoongi the box, hoping to steer the conversation away from…whatever this is. But he just shakes his head, clearly not ready to risk upsetting his stomach as well.

He’s pale as it is, and you can see the colour drain from his already bloodshot eyes at the sight of food. Poor man.

“Jungkook, you hungry?” Hara offers softly, and you can’t help but glance at him again.

His bouncing leg stills the instant she speaks to him. And even though it’s true—Jungkook can eat like a bottomless pit, never saying no to food—you don’t really want to interact with him right now. But, some things haven’t changed at all it seems, like you not being able to say no when it comes to him.

Jungkook looks at you with those big, hopeful eyes, as if to say just eat it yourself—he’d never, like all those years ago, take food from you when it’s clear you’re barely eating yourself. But you just can’t, and with that, you get up, lean over the small coffee table separating you both, and offer him the box with both hands, a small, shaky smile on your face.

Jungkook stands up too, reaching for the food between you. You think he’ll just take it, but his hands cover yours, brushing over them until they settle on the container, and then, finally, he takes it. It catches you off guard, not just because he touched you first and not the box, but because it was absolutely deliberate.

Why he did it, you don’t know, but all you can think about is getting away fast before all your bottled-up emotions explode in your face.

“Can…uh…can someone drive me to the nearest petrol station?” you ask, standing there rooted to the spot, feeling your cheeks burn with embarrassment as everyone looks up at you.

Jungkook’s half a mind to put the box back on the table and get up again, but Hope springs up from his spot beside Taehyung, fishing his keys from his pocket. “I’ve got you.”

“Thanks, I’ll just get ready.” You cast him a quick, grateful look and head to your room, eyes down.

Hope just saved you there, because if Jungkook had offered to drive, you don’t know what you’d have done. Sure, you want him to be happy—you’re not some heartless person who wishes bad things on people, especially those who are…were…close to you.

But what about your happiness? Don’t you deserve to find peace too? To protect yourself? So yes, you’ll take every bit of help you can get, even if it’s just a lift to the petrol station.

You didn’t mean to startle so violently when you turned to close the suite door, but honestly, you hadn’t even heard Hara following you, moving soundlessly like a ghost.

“C…can I help you?” You’re gripping the door until your knuckles turn white under your sweater paws, the door not even fully open anymore.

“Can I come in?”

It’s like something out of a nightmare, knowing you can’t turn her away just because Hara’s never done anything to hurt you. You have to remind yourself again and again that she’s not the villain here, chanting it silently in your head, trying to drown out the hurt that won’t go away whenever you look at her.

So, you nod, opening the door a bit wider, then turn around to let her in and busy yourself with “looking” for your phone case, just so you don’t have to face her.

“Are you okay?”

Her words break through the sound of the bedding as you give it a shake, hoping your case might fall out, but of course it doesn’t. Just like the right answer isn’t coming to you now, not to her question.

Maybe you’re okay, as okay as you can be. Maybe you’re not. Either way, you’re definitely not making her your therapist—not when she’s involved in all this stupid mess.

“Yeah, sure. Are you?”

“Yeah, the sickness finally went away. I just hope I start to show soon—it’s getting weird at this point.”

You move around the room, checking every corner, stopping only when you spot an edge of your phone case outside on the porch, half-buried in the snow beside the jacuzzi.

“How far along are you?”

“Seventeenth week…we’ll find out the gender soon.” There’s a subtle cheer in her voice that makes your heart soften for a moment.

It must be incredible to be expecting, especially to finally know the baby’s gender and go a bit mad with shopping. You’re sure you’d be the same, and Hara likely will be, too.

You glance her way, offering a small, warm smile before opening the door to the porch. “Got a feeling what it’ll be?”

Hara comes closer to the door as you step outside, staying in the warmth while leaning against the frame. “Yes? No? Maybe?” She laughs. “Some days I swear it’s a boy, and then others I’m convinced it’s a girl. Tomorrow’s the appointment, so…I hope mini-me reveals its gender and isn’t shy.”

You giggle, fishing the icy case out of the snow and brushing off the clinging flakes. As you come back inside, Hara moves aside, settling herself on the edge of the bed while you grab a discarded shirt of Yoongi’s to dry the case off.

“Hey…uh…I don’t quite know how to start this, but…I know you’re not doing alright.”

The glance you throw her way is wary rather than hostile, but still, you don’t want a pep talk from her.

“Please, just talk to each other.”

Biting your lip, you really don’t want to say anything. Yes, you probably should talk to Jungkook, but then again, maybe you shouldn’t. He’s had countless chances to say something, to open up if he had any thoughts at all—and he’s used none of them. Not even when you broke up with him. He stayed silent, like he is now.

Maybe he just doesn’t want to talk, not really, and you’re done waiting and being the one to start things.

“There’s nothing left to talk about. But I appreciate your concern.”

Hara just nods, staring down at the floor, rubbing her hands together between her knees while you pull on your coat and tuck your phone safely into its case.

“It’s a nice case. Did you paint it yourself?”

You glance at your phone, rubbing your thumb over the faded paint that was once so bright. You couldn’t bring yourself to get rid of it after the breakup, even though it reminds you of everything good about your time with Jungkook. Maybe there’s some masochistic streak in you that wants to punish yourself for everything you did and didn’t do. Maybe it’s time to let go of all the memories that keep pulling you back to a time that’s long gone.

“No.” You sigh, tucking it away in your coat pocket with your purse and heading to the door. You pause with your hand on the handle, checking to see if Hara’s following, which she is. She’s right behind you again, and this time, you just let out a startled scream internally, hoping you don’t flinch too visibly.

Opening the door, you let her pass first, just to keep her in your sight this time, but as soon as you’re near the entrance to the main area, she stops, raising a hand. You give her a puzzled look, but she only points to one of her ears, so you lean in, trying to make out what’s being said.

First, you catch the voices of Taehyung and Namjoon, Taehyung’s voice too loud and distinct not to notice. But when you listen a bit harder, you pick up Hope and Jungkook having a different conversation, probably a little further from the others.

“I know! I know you’re a good driver. Just…”

“Just? C’mon, what’s going on with you, C?”

“Just… take care of her, okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re acting like I’m some boy who’s just got his licence and can’t be trusted—”

The rustling of your coat drowns out the rest of their conversation as you step into the room, deciding not to eavesdrop any longer. You glance around briefly, and of course, Jungkook’s eyes find yours again, but you quickly turn towards Yoongi, resting your hands on his shoulders from behind where he’s still slouched on the one-seater. He wraps his hand around your wrist, his thumb gently brushing over your pulse.

“Why was my case out in the snow?” you murmur into his ear, which earns a lazy laugh from him. He peeks over his shoulder at you, his voice still raspy from his hangover as he murmurs back.

“You thought you could yeet it away and be done with it.”

Your cheeks go warm again; drunk-you is really ridiculous in every possible way. You’re just grateful it was only Namjoon and Yoongi who saw your breakdown, and no one else.

“Right.”

“Stay safe, yeah?”

He gives your wrist a gentle squeeze, and when your eyes meet again, even though his are still glassy from last night’s antics, there’s that quiet care in them only real family can have.

“I will. Thanks for being there for me, Yoongs.” You press a quick kiss to his head and give him a brief squeeze around his shoulders, only for him to dramatically fake his own demise.

Straightening up, you meet Hope’s eyes, give him a quick nod, and head towards the door. Jungkook moves with the two of you, holding the door open without taking his eyes off you. His gaze is so intense that you can’t keep eye contact, mumbling a quiet, hurried “thanks” and “bye” as you follow Hope to his car.

You wouldn’t have thought Hope would drive a brand-new car, especially a vibrant red one. You wonder if an equipment rental shop really makes that much of a profit or if everyone in this town is just batshit rich. At least you’ll be safe—much safer than you’d be with Tony.

“So, how long’s the drive?” you ask, taking in the car’s interior while buckling up in the passenger seat. You notice the soft leather under your bum and the chrome trim around the touchscreen on the console.

“Maybe twenty or thirty minutes, depends on whether the roads are clear or still covered in snow.”

You hum in acknowledgment, tucking your hands under your thighs—not only because they’re still cold from the short walk outside, but also to avoid the urge to touch anything and risk breaking something you’d never be able to replace.

The car’s rolling down the steep hill you came from a few days ago in no time, and Hope’s both hands are steady on the wheel, which helps you relax in your seat. He’s definitely a good driver, like Yoongi, Jungkook, or your dad—the kind you can actually relax around without fearing for your life.

“So…would you be a kind soul and tell me what you’re all talking about in that group chat, especially about me?”

Of course you had to ask—why wouldn’t you, now that you’re alone with someone who’s clearly in on the whole scheme?

“Sure, why wouldn’t I?”

“Dunno…maybe because of Namjoon.”

“Oh, I’m not scared of him.” Hope laughs heartily, but his eyes don’t stray from the dark, snow-covered road ahead.

“Sooo…?”

“So, you should just talk to C. That’s what we’re all talking about.”

“Wow, wouldn’t have thought of that.”

“So why’re you asking if that’s not the answer you wanted?”

You fall silent.

“Listen. You and C are both hurting. And the only way forward is for you both to learn how to communicate properly, aka talk to each other.”

“There’s really nothing left to talk about.”

“Why’s that?”

“He’s clearly moved on, no?”

Like, duh.

“Has he now?”

Duh?…

“Yeah, with Hara…and the baby on its way.”

Were you wrong all this time? It can’t be.

“Oh, boy…”

“Don’t ‘oh boy’ me.”

“Why do you think he’s with Hara?”

You’re trying not to show how hard it is to think clearly in your state, but the time it takes you to respond says it all. “It’s obvious.”

“Is it? Because it sounds like you’re seeing things how you want to, not how they actually are.”

“Rude.”

“It’s true.”

“You’re really forward for someone I barely know.”

“We’re not strangers, __.” Hope side-eyes you pointedly, making you scoot a tiny bit deeper into your seat.

“Basically, we are.”

“No, we’re not friends yet, but we’re not strangers either.”

So what does this mean for you and Jungkook? He’s not exactly a friend anymore, but he’s not a stranger either. Or…maybe he is. God, your brain feels like it’s about to explode any minute now.

“People change, Hope. Jungkook’s changed.”

Hope lets a short silence settle between you, his fingers tapping softly against the leather wheel as if he’s thinking about what to say next. Only now do you realise there’s no sound from the engine, and you clock that he’s driving an electric car—even though he lives in the mountains, in the cold.

“Have you?”

You’re half-tempted to just say yes, but is that really true? You’re not sure. Maybe you’ve matured a bit, but not enough to feel like a different person. What you do know for sure is that any growth you might have had stopped the moment you left Jungkook. You’ve been so caught up in trying to heal and be someone you’re not that you haven’t really evolved into the person you could have been.

Anything really—maybe a better person, but somehow still the same you. So, what have you become in the last few years? Are you the same? Or not quite?

“Not sure.”

Hope just nods, not as if he’s simply acknowledging what you said, but as if he already knew your answer. It’s uncanny how much talking to him reminds you of Yoongi, both of them having that same no-bullshit approach.

“Listen, I’m not here to play mediator,” yep, definitely like Yoongi, “nor are the others. You need to talk to him, get things sorted before it’s too late.”

“What if it’s already too late?”

“I don’t think so.”

“You’re so positive.” You whine pathetically.

“And you’re a chronic pessimist.” He mimics you.

“I’m just cautious.” You pull your hands from under your thighs and throw them in the air, more to get your point across than anything.

“No, you’re scared of what might never happen.”

Ouch. But he’s not…not right.

“I’m not. I’m doing snowboarding now, aren’t I?”

“So why are we heading to the nearest petrol station if you’re meant to be snowboarding all week?”

You shut your mouth and slide your hands back under your thighs, as if that might help you disappear. Maybe you weren’t as subtle as you thought, and not only Hope but everyone else—including Jungkook—has seen right through you. Is that why Hara wanted to talk to you earlier? Urging you to finally talk to Jungkook?

“Gotcha,” Hope giggles slightly, though when he sees your sad pout, he reaches over to give your knee a quick squeeze before returning his hand to the wheel.

“Alright, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.” Okay, maybe not exactly like Yoongi. “But from what I’ve seen and heard, you liked snowboarding. And I’d say you probably enjoyed everything else you’ve done before, too.” He glances over at you. “Correct me if I’m wrong.”

You just give a noncommittal shrug.

“You need to trust yourself and your capabilities a bit more. Start having faith in the positive outcomes, not just the negative ones, yeah? You’ll never be able to live without fear if you overthink everything…especially things with Jungkook.”

Your pout deepens, a light sheen of tears coating your lashes, which you tell yourself are just from the hangover crashing down on you now, not from facing the uncomfortable truth of your very persona.

“I know it’s hard, ___. But sometimes thinking the worst makes it real, even though the outcome could’ve been different if you’d just had a bit more faith.”

“Are you talking about snowboarding or Jungkook?”

“Both.” He giggles again, and you can’t help but join in, sniffing your nose a little.

When just then another small town and the petrol station come into view, you straighten up in your seat, realising you’d been slouching more and more throughout the drive.

Even though you’re not looking forward to stepping outside into the cold, you’re glad for a bit of a cooldown, just to ease your exhaustion.

Hope parks his car right next to the petrol pump, and as soon as he turns it off, you both get out and head to the boot where two big empty canisters are waiting.

“Here, I’ll go to the one right behind this one.” He offers you one of the canisters, and while you take it, you’re still confused.

“I only need one, though.”

He’s already unscrewed his, pumping petrol as he leans to the side to look at you.

“Yeah, this one’s for me.”

You’re still confused, but you start filling your canister anyway.

“Isn’t your car electric?”

“Yeah, but I need emergency petrol for the generator in case there’s an outage and the baby’s coming.”

You freeze. Is Hope…? Oh god, you were so wrong all this time. Relief floods through you, so intense that tears spring to your eyes. Jungkook’s not the baby daddy.

“You’re Hara’s baby daddy?” you squeak.

“Gosh, no!”

And now you think you might throw up, the tears shifting back to the heartbreak of yesterday.

“Areum, my wife, she’s seven months pregnant. You missed her yesterday with your epic escape.”

“Oh. Uh, congratulations.”

But you only hear a snort from behind the pump.

Not wanting to fill the canister completely, you settle on half, afraid you might not have enough left in your bank account. You’re not exactly broke, but you’re worried your employer hasn’t transferred your pay on time. Again.

“I’m off to pay,” you mumble as you pass Hope and head into the small, warm station, where a young teenager plagued with acne stands behind the counter, his eyes barely lifting from his phone throughout your whole exchange.

“Your card’s declined, miss.”

The remaining colour drains from your face at his words. This really can’t be happening.

“Could you…could you try again, please?”

The teenager just rolls his eyes, and if you weren’t so mortified, you’d probably give him some shit for being so rude. But again, the familiar sound of your card being declined fills the little station, and when he hands your card back, you just mumble, “Just a second, please,” before stepping to the far corner by the cooling systems and getting your phone out.

And sure enough, your banking app shows you’re completely drained. Fuck. So there’s only one option left, then.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up.”

“Yo,” Yoongi grumbles, and you’re pretty sure you can hear Jungkook’s panicked voice in the background, asking what’s happened.

“I need your help,” you whisper, glancing over at the teenager to check if he can hear, but he’s already engrossed in his phone again.

“What do you need?”

“I’m short on cash. I can’t pay—”

“Why?”

Yoongi’s tone isn’t accusatory in the slightest, just genuinely surprised. Hope comes into the station now too, cocking a brow at you, which you try to ease with a shaky smile.

“My employer’s late with my pay. Again. And the trip and, uh…it all just…”

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi says, flat, almost monotone, but you know he feels awful now, realising you’re actually struggling, not just joking around. It’s not his fault though; you never talk about money, and maybe he’s apologising not just because he let you pay for everything, but because you haven’t had these conversations before.

“S’alright. Can you just transfer some money quickly so I can—”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you.”

You hear him sigh—one that says, Don’t make this a thing now. Hope’s already paid for his, waiting by the door with his hands in his pockets, scanning some nearby magazines.

Knowing not to waste any more time, you hang up, open your banking app again, and refresh it every few seconds until there it is: a transfer of ten fucking thousand dollars from Yoongi, with the note, Should’ve told me sooner.

You make a mental note to give him a piece of your mind regarding the sum later as you pay for the petrol, and dash out of the station, dragging Hope with you to escape the embarrassment as soon as possible.

“Slow down, will you?”

You let go of his arm once you’re by his car, rubbing your hands over your face in frustration as you mumble, “Sorry. God, I’m such a mess.”

“Come on, we’ll talk in the car. I just wanna get home.”

And you do, silently, closing your eyes as the car winds through the woods back the way you came.

You know Hope doesn’t want to pressure you, but you want to talk about it, just because bottling it up any longer would fry your brain.

“My employer still hasn’t transferred my pay,” you mumble. “I had to call Yoongi to borrow money.”

Hope lets out a long breath through his nose, shaking his head slowly as he listens.

“Again, as in this isn’t the first time?”

“Yeah, as in he owes me several thousand dollars by now.”

“Thousands?”

You tap your knuckle against the window, doing a quick mental tally of how much has piled up since you started working for this guy. “About fifty. Maybe a bit more.”

“No. Fucking. Way.” Hope glances over at you with each word, then back to the road. “___, that’s insane. Fifty thousand?! Why haven’t you sued him? Or quit?”

“I…” Yeah, good question. “I actually don’t know.”

It’s not like it’s a brilliant job worth hanging on to, but working from home has its perks, and finding another role in your field? That’s practically impossible without connections, which you definitely don’t have, seeing as you work from home and have done for years.

“You’re an accountant, yeah?”

“How do you know?” you ask, stopping your gentle tapping against the window to look over at his profile.

“Oh, who d’you think told me?” He gives you a side-eye, looking slightly annoyed, and you just nod. “Areum’s an accountant too. She works for PwC, all remote. They’re looking for someone to cover her on maternity leave, and she gets to pick who fills in for her, soooo…”

“Sooo…?”

“Woman, I’m not spelling it out for you. You’re not that thick.”

Ouch. “Hey! Stop being so rude to me.”

“Then stop acting daft when you’re not.”

God, you want to strangle him. No wonder he gets along so well with Yoongi. You thought he was just this little ray of sunshine with that stupid bright laugh, but he’s feisty as hell.

“I’ll think about it,” you mumble, knowing decisions like this aren’t made right now, especially as the painkillers wear off and your mind’s about to shut down along with your eyelids.

Eventually, sleep takes over, and if you’re honest, you don’t bother fighting it.

“___, wake up.” Hope’s voice and the gentle push of his hand against your shoulder rouse you not long after. And even though sleeping, even just a bit, should have done you some good, you feel worse after a fifteen-minute nap.

Reluctantly, you straighten in your seat, trying to wake up properly, and smack your lips to get the awful taste off your tongue, but it’s no use. You’ll need to brush your teeth as soon as you’re in the suite—there’s no way around it.

“Thanks for driving me,” you rasp, glancing out of the windscreen to see Jungkook hopping from one foot to the other in the cold, his breath rising in small clouds in front of him. “What’s he doing outside?”

“He’s waiting for you.”

“Oh.”

It’s a mystery why Jungkook would do that, seeing as you’re clearly not on good terms. You’ve been trading jabs and whatnot with every interaction, so the fact that he’s not fed up by now is really baffling.

“I’m heading straight home if that’s okay.”

“Oh. Sure, yes, of course, sorry.” You unbuckle your seatbelt, knowing you shouldn’t overstay your welcome, especially as Hope is snickering again. “Thanks again and goodnight.”

“Goodnight. And…talk to him.”

Well, you don’t really have a choice now. Especially when, after closing the passenger door, you walk to the boot to get your half-empty canister, only to find Jungkook already beside you.

“Here, let me help.”

He doesn’t meet your eyes this time, which feels strange after he spent all afternoon staring at you.

“I’ve got this.”

You heft the canister out of the boot and start walking straight to Tony to fill him up, letting the canister rest by your legs, you wave Hope off as he drives away, then clear the side of Tony of snow.

“What are you doing?” Jungkook stands beside you, arms crossed, chest puffed out. He looks intimidating—hotly so—but you’re still pissed and very much not in the mood for a chat.

“What does it look like?”

He just shrugs with a smirk, and as you finish clearing the snow, you realise you’ve done the wrong side of Tony.

How embarrassing.

“Don’t say anything.”

And he doesn’t, aside from a quiet snicker as he follows you to the other side, where you finally start clearing the right bit of snow. This time, you find the cap and pull out your car keys to open it.

Ignoring your wishes, Jungkook picks up the canister and starts pouring the petrol into the car, biting his lip piercings again.

“Talk,” you snap, wanting to get this over with—whatever it is that’s bothering him so much he’s biting his lip bloody.

Jungkook glances briefly at you, and while you’ve seen that sad expression on him countless times, it still stings.

“Why did you leave?”

You sigh, glance towards the hostel, and look back at him. “When? When I broke up with you? On the slope yesterday? From the party? Or to the petrol station?”

Alright, it sounded cooler in your head, but you’re now realising you might have a bit of a tendency to run off. Oops.

“All of them, I guess.” He muses, shutting the cap and screwing the canister lid back on as he turns to you fully.

“Jungkook, that’s a conversation I’m not having with you right now.”

“And when would be the best time for it?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe not outside, not in the middle of the night, not when I’m batshit hungover, and especially not when you’ve built a new life for yourself.”

That last bit wasn’t really what you wanted to say, but it slipped out anyway, the perfect proof that it’s indeed not the best time.

“That’s not fair.”

“It’s not fair for you to treat me like this, Jungkook. I’m not doing this anymore.”

You turn while watching him run a hand through his hair, then stomp through the deep snow towards the hostel to stop yourself freezing out here.

“Stop running away!”

“I’m not running away. I’m going to bed. You should too.”

Jungkook catches the door at the last second and steps into Dionysus right behind you.

“You are running away.”

You turn to face him sharply, causing him to nearly bulldoze into you, but he catches himself in time, stepping back a bit with his hands on his hips, still clutching the canister in his reddened hand.

“Why did you need petrol for Tony, who’s been out of it for days? Why now?”

You purse your lips, mirroring his stance instinctively, staring each other down. You’re stubborn, but so is he, and you’re not backing down. He wants to start a fight? See who breaks first? See if you’re really running away from him? Well, you’ll prove him wrong.

“Safety. Caution. Responsibility. Take your pick.”

There’s a familiar glint in his eyes—the one that says he knows you’re bullshitting him. God, you’ve missed this. Missed him.

“So, not fleeing the scene, hm?”

“Not fleeing the scene.”

And you’re not. Change of plans: you’re staying. You’ll stay, and you’ll whoop his ass by becoming the best snowboarder on the planet.

Jungkook just nods, and you nod back.

Usually, this would be the moment he’d tackle you and fuck the truth out of you in no time. And though you can vividly picture it, you need to keep your distance. So before the tension builds too much, before Jungkook becomes too much, you stop nodding and let your arms drop to your sides.

“Goodnight, Jungkook.”

He mirrors your stance, and though his eyes dim with that usual sadness, you refuse to see it as longing. Because why would he?

“Goodnight, ___.”

You nod, and while you can’t quite tear yourself away from his gaze, you eventually turn and head up to your suite, finding Yoongi already silently and fast asleep, you can’t help but to leave a tiny gap in the door, just enough to watch as Jungkook disappears into his own room.

Day 5

You feel good.

No, scratch that—you feel absolutely pumped, energised, and oh-so-ready for the day. There’s a wild fire blazing through your veins, just waiting to be unleashed, and you’re absolutely down for it.

Sitting alone in the dining room after that little talk with Yoongi about the sum he transferred to your bank account, only to be met with an eye roll in response, you’re busy preparing the most protein-packed breakfast Namjoon’s buffet has on offer. You’ll definitely need it—not just because your body’s craving nutrients, but because your brain needs to be at its best so you can finally beat Jungkook at his own game.

No, not with his petty remarks and actions, but by getting your answers with carefully placed, strategically even, questions so he doesn’t even realise you’re grilling him. You’re brilliant, so of course you can pull this off. The sulky victim era of ___ is over—here comes the new, improved you.

Though, if you’re honest, you know there’s a pretty decent chance that Jungkook might catch on to your plan. He’s always been good at that, always been just as brilliant as you. But his competitive side usually has you beat by the end of the day. But not today. Today, you’re determined to win.

Especially when the man himself strolls in, looking sinfully good. His hair’s damp, falling messily over his forehead and eyes, while his thin white shirt hangs loosely off his shoulders, clinging slightly to his skin where he didn’t dry off properly.

“Morning, Kook,” you chirp, practically singing it, intentionally calling him by the nickname you lovingly gave him all those years ago.

Jungkook slows his steps, one eyebrow raised and lips pursed. The confusion’s painted all across his face exactly as you’d hoped. Excellent.

“Morning.” He stops at your table, glancing at the empty chairs next to you and opposite you, and when he takes the one right beside you, you’re doing a little celebratory dance on the inside.

“Did you sleep well, Kook?” He eyes you as he gets his plate ready, and while he answers, you take a small bite of your food, your overly cheerful grin firmly in place.

“Uh, yeah, did you?”

“Of course! Snuggly kept me company all night.”

The confusion in Jungkook’s eyes deepens, and you’d give anything to know what’s running through his head right now. You keep your face just as innocent and cheerful as possible, though it’s getting harder by the second.

“So, what’ve you been up to these past five months?” If your math’s right, Hara’s now a little over four months along. So, if Jungkook was around back then, you’ve got your answer.

“Five months?” He raises an eyebrow again, biting into the sandwich he’s just thrown together. There’s far more ham than bread—probably more to keep his hands clean than for actual taste.

“Yeah, where’ve you all been, then?”

“Uh,” Jungkook chews, blinking at you. You can practically see the gears turning in his head as he tries to figure you out. “I’ve been to Bangkok, Hawaii, and, uh… before that, I was here for a few months.”

No. Fucking. Way. So all those mixed signals, not only from Jungkook but all his friends too, weren’t so mixed after all.

“This town’s pretty small. Is there anything exciting to do off-season?”

“Well, Hara had a huge birthday celebration. So there was that.”

“Hara’s birthday’s in August?”

“Yeah, why?”

So he gave her a baby for her birthday. How pathetic it makes you feel, realising you’ve been too busy being still his to fall for someone new all this time. But you don’t let the heartbreak show this time. You swallow it down because shutting down won’t help you now.

“Just asking.”

Jungkook just nods again, still contemplating your words, trying to read your motives like he always does, though you’re as blank as can be beneath your smile. It’s not that you’ve lost your determination to get through snowboarding—no, you’re way too competitive and stubborn to back down now. Still, you kind of wish you were as drunk as you’d been two days ago.

The upside of being fully sober again is that you feel fantastic. Physically, anyway. The downside is that your brain won’t shut up.

You vividly remember the night you ended things, the exhaustion, the desperation in your every word as you tried to explain yourself to him. It wasn’t that you didn’t love him; you did and you still do, maybe even more than you should. But back then, you’d grown tired of always feeling like you weren’t enough, of feeling like you were someone he didn’t really need.

You’d always been the one to soothe your doubts on your own, to make excuses for him and his choices, to tell yourself it was just a phase, that he’d eventually grow out of it—that he’d grow out of it for you. Not that he’d never do anything risky again, but just enough for him to see that some things are too dangerous to try.

Losing him was completely your fault, you know that, and even though he’s going to be a dad—even if it’s not your child—you’d crawl back to him in a heartbeat if there were any chance. Not that you’d ever be a homewrecker; that’s something you’d never do, and you’ll respect any relationship on earth as it is. But if he’s only going to be a father, if he’s only co-parenting with Hara and they’re not together, you’d try to make it work somehow.

Or maybe you’re just delusional, thinking you’d be okay with him having a kid that’s not yours. Because deep down, the thought of him being with someone else after you—even if you weren’t together anymore—makes you want to throw up. Not just because picturing it is one of your worst nightmares, but because all the love declarations he made, and will probably make again in that scenario, would be empty in their truest form. At least in your eyes.

There’s nothing you can do about it; it’s not like you’re some grandma who thinks virginity before marriage is a must. But if he was with you and says he’d want to be with you again, there’s no chance if he had someone else in between.

Jungkook sniffs beside you, and you’re not exactly proud that, since learning he’s staying here at the hostel too, you’ve kept spare napkins nearby, just like the good old days, and you’re not proud as you hand him one with a small smile, still chewing, knowing his rhinitis is worst in the morning.

“Thanks,” he’s smiling, though there’s still that look of doubt in his eyes, as if he’s still trying to work out what you’re up to. “So, how about you?”

You’ve half a mind to exaggerate again, but you know you’ll need to save your energy today, especially since you’re spending the whole day with Jungkook. So you stick to the truth. “Nothing really. Mostly work, and a few activities I’ve tried.”

“It’s weird.”

“What is?”

“You doing all that stuff.”

Jungkook doesn’t look as accusatory as he did the first day; this time, he actually looks…sad.

“Didn’t you want me that way?” You keep your tone light, friendly even, but deep down, that old pettiness rises to the surface.

“No.” The word slips from his lips without a moment’s hesitation, his sad eyes fixed on yours, and suddenly, you can’t breathe. It just doesn’t make sense.

“I…why?”

He slowly swallows his last bite and reaches for his coffee, just to toy with the rim of the mug. Then he lifts his gaze to meet yours, boring into your irises as if to tell you more than he’s actually saying. “That’s not you.”

You just stare at him, trying to understand why he’d want you to change all those years ago, only to now tell you, indirectly, he doesn’t like the person he’d pushed you to become. No words form in your brain, again too overwhelmed by it all, so you just nod, because quite honestly, he’s right. It’s not who you are, even if some of the less riskier activities, like snowboarding, turned out to be more fun than you’d expected.

Jungkook doesn’t seem to handle the silence well as you quietly finish your meal, as his leg starts bouncing under the table again, occasionally brushing against yours. You’re sure he doesn’t even notice it, but you do and while you think about shifting your leg slightly away, that faint touch of his somehow soothes the intense longing you have for him.

How many times you’ve thought about calling him, only to remind yourself he was the one who let you go without a word, is beyond counting now. Trying to count would be like trying to reach infinity without breaking down as the despair catches up to you and you simply can’t do either.

You need, with all your might, to pull your mind out of this endless void and focus on the good. You’re able to have a normal conversation with Jungkook. He’s fine. You’re fine. And if you can make it through these next two weeks, you tell yourself that you’ll be fine too, even if it’s without him. Because that countdown in your head has shifted—from thinking you’ve got time to work things out, to savouring these last moments with him as much as possible, hoping to make memories you can hold onto as fondly as the ones you made all those years ago.

“So, today’s blue slope day?”

Jungkook nods with a smirk, eyes still on his cup, clearly lost in thought. “Yeah. You ready?”

“Sure. I was born ready.”

The snort that escapes him mirrors your own, letting the sadness fade into that playful light in his eyes you’ve always adored when he finally looks back up to you.

“Then let’s head out, shall we?”

“Yes, sir!” You salute playfully, downing the rest of your or rather his iced Americano—sneakily poured into a regular mug—in one go and standing as soon as Jungkook does.

It doesn’t take long for you both to get fully geared up and leave the hostel, Jungkook closing the usual distance between you by walking much closer than he has on any of the previous days, though you welcome it this time.

“Give me your board.” Jungkook stretches out his free hand towards you when you’re just a few feet away from Dionysos.

“I can handle it.”

“I know you can. But you don’t have to.”

Wondering whether you’re about to be stubborn again, you decide to let him help you. It’s a nice gesture, and knowing his strength—which has clearly grown over the last few years—it’s no bother for him to carry your snowboard too. So you hand it to him, mumbling a small, grateful “thanks” and fall into step with him, the rustling of your gear and the dull thud of your boots the only sounds breaking the otherwise silent streets.

“It’s such a lovely day.” You marvel at the first rays of sunlight shining down, making the snow-covered streets steam ever so slightly, looking straight out of a fantasy.

The town’s not fully awake yet; a few people are setting up their displays outside, greeting you both with warm smiles and friendly faces. It’s easy being here, so welcoming when you ignore the chaos that’s crashed down on you since you arrived.

You’d like to imagine living here, spending the rest of your life in this place with Jungkook, befriending his friends too, all in some alternate universe. You daydream about a winter wedding, teaching your kids how to build a snowman, and everything else.

It would be nice, it would be perfect. Because in that universe, you’d still be with Jungkook, and you’d be not only happy but fulfilled.

“It is, the slopes should be perfect too.”

A small group of kindergarteners crosses your path just before the slopes, and as your gaze drifts from them to the shop windows behind, you catch the reflection of you and Jungkook side by side. He’s looking at the kids, full of adoration, with that same endearing smile you fell in love with all those years ago.

His hair’s just as shiny and healthy, his eyes sparkling in that familiar way. You’ve always known how much Jungkook wants a family—he always has, just as you always did. It’s one of the reasons you connected so quickly. His values and hopes for the future aligned so perfectly with yours that falling for him and picturing a life together was almost inevitable.

You knew back then that having different hobbies wasn’t the most important thing in a relationship, that differences in those areas wouldn’t decide its downfall. But somehow, you both let those differences take centre stage.

It wasn’t just poor communication that damaged things; you lost sight of what truly mattered, letting the good become tainted with doubt, trust begin to crack, and your hearts bleed in ways they never should have.

Standing there now, side by side, you realise that everything that happened, the way you both handled things, was so unnecessarily foolish. You wish you’d made different choices. You look perfect together, like one of those couples you see and just know they’re meant to be, like they’re soulmates, like they’re fated.

Jungkook’s eyes lift up, catching yours in the window, and his smile grows just a bit wider. There’s still that adoration there—or is it just nostalgia? Or maybe it’s the inner peace he feels, knowing he’ll soon have a child of his own? You’re not sure, and you’re afraid to let yourself think too deeply about it. Because, honestly, if it’s anything but adoration, you’d spiral so much, so irrevocably, that you might just break all over again.

Switching your board to his other hand, where he’s already holding his own, he lifts his now free arm and wraps it over your shoulder, pulling you into his side. Your head doesn’t even reach his eyes, and your shoulder aligns perfectly with his arm, like you’re a puzzle piece fitting into him. You can’t help the broad smile that breaks over your face when he says, “I’m glad you’re here.”

You turn away from the window, tilting your head up to look into his beautiful brown eyes, taking in this small, pure moment that you’ll lock away in the deepest parts of your heart and cherish for the rest of your life. “Me too.”

Simple moments like these with Jungkook have always been so beautiful. It’s always been like this, just the two of you in a bubble where nothing else matters. The ache in your heart should ease in moments like this, but instead, it grows, the longing building until it’s nearly unbearable.

How perfect it would feel to kiss him now, how your heart and soul would sing if he kissed you back. The realisation—the overwhelming certainty—that he truly was the one for you hits you like an avalanche, burying you so deeply you’ll never find a way out.

Still, you turn your face away, and he lets you go.

“Let’s get it.” Jungkook cheers, and you echo his words, because you don’t know what else to say, walking side by side to the lift. Thankfully, this time without any annoying interruptions from his fangirls.

The first ride up in the ski gondola is equal parts terrifying and beautiful. The trees below look like miniature toys, and the mountain peaks seem too stunning to be real, like a picture painted by an artist. The gondola is empty except for the two of you, Jungkook sitting across from you, both of you gazing outside. But every now and then, you can’t help glancing at his reflection.

Jungkook talks the entire way up, going over everything you should know about snowboarding by now. His calm voice, his solid presence right in front of you, and his patient review of the basics settle the last of your nerves, along with Hope’s words, still ringing loudly in your mind.

Fear is faith in the negative.

And you don’t want to live like that again—not now, and not when it’s just snowboarding. You trust your own abilities, and you trust Jungkook to keep you safe, like he always has. Well, aside from that one camping incident—but you’ll turn a blind eye to that for now. You have to, because one lapse in his judgement all those years ago shouldn’t undo everything else he’s proven to you.

The morning is spent making descent after descent, each one becoming easier and more fun, especially with Jungkook staying close. You manage to fall less and less, and when you do, he’s always right there, reaching out to help you back on your feet.

And while you’re laughing and joking like old times, it feels as if no time has passed at all.

Just before lunch, you both find yourselves back at the gondola, though this time it’s a different one.

“There’s this restaurant way up there.” Jungkook points into the distance, and you squint, trying to follow his finger, but the sun is too bright to make out exactly where he’s pointing. “The food’s amazing, and we’ll be able to take a way longer run down. It’ll build your stamina and get you ready for the harder slopes tomorrow.”

“Sounds good.” You smile at him, excited not only for the food but also for the chance to push yourself a bit more.

When you step into the gondola with a few others, it’s so packed that you have to squeeze in beside Jungkook, pressing against his side. With his broad shoulders and your thick coat, there’s not much room and after a few minutes, Jungkook shifts and lifts his arm, draping it over your shoulder to give you both a bit more space.

You frown. Even though it’s more comfortable this way, you don’t like it at all. If he’s with Hara, this is crossing boundaries left and right. You know that if you were still together and he did this with another woman, it’d be a dealbreaker.

The gesture sours your mood instantly, letting your thoughts spiral in a way that has you dangerously close to snapping at him. But you hold back. You won’t start a scene now, not here; you’ll wait until you’re at the restaurant and talk things through.

When you reach the top and leave the gondola, heading toward the small restaurant by the lift, Jungkook keeps his hand resting lightly on your back.

It’s ironic, really. You left because you wanted him to find happiness, to be with someone who wouldn’t bring conflict, someone he wouldn’t feel the need to change. And here he is, supposedly happy, yet acting like you’re still his, clinging to old habits like they’re the only things he has left with you.

Maybe that’s the saddest part of all. He’s got everything he once told you he wanted, yet he’s still holding onto pieces of the past, unable to let them go. And maybe he’ll never fully move on, just like you haven’t, even if he thinks he has. But that’s not something you can fix. You tried—more than once—to help him keep his distance, to let go of whatever still kept him wounded. Even if it wasn’t the perfect approach, pretending to be with Yoongi, you thought it might help him move on. But he has to handle that himself now; you’re done being the one to guide him there.

You deserve peace, too. You deserve to be able to look back on your time together without feeling unresolved tension. If that means keeping your distance, letting him live his life with Hara without stepping in, then so be it. You’re done making excuses for him, done justifying his behaviour to yourself. He’s made his choices, back then and now too, and now it’s time for you to make yours.

You take a deep breath, letting it all settle within you as you step into the restaurant. The hurt, the sadness, the longing—sure, it’s all still there, and maybe it always will be. But now, it’s just that: memories. Moments you once cherished, now filed away in a part of your heart that no longer needs to cling so tightly. Or at least, that’s what you hope.

As you sit down across from him, letting go bit by bit, you realise that maybe this is what closure should feel like. Hurtful, and not freeing at all.

“You’re kinda touchy.”

Jungkook looks up from his menu, running the tip of his tongue over his lip piercing. “I always am.”

Your lips press into a firm line, shoulders tensing even more. Jungkook’s eyes dart over you, and he realises too late that your mood has shifted. As he catches on, his nervous habits start to surface in an instant. He fumbles with his menu, his leg bouncing so hard that the tablecloth shifts slightly with each movement.

“Doesn’t it feel wrong to you?” You ask, your tone so accusatory it even startles you.

Jungkook gulps, actually gulps, and you feel the urge to laugh or maybe storm off altogether.

“No?” He sounds uncertain, though there’s a strange conviction in his voice, even with his nerves. “Does it bother you?”

“Yes.”

You stare each other down, Jungkook nodding but tilting his head slightly, eyebrows drawn. “Is it because of Yoongi?”

Should you come clean and tell him you’re not dating Yoongi, that he’s just your cousin? But you can’t see the point. It wouldn’t change anything now, you’re sure of that. Though you’re not sure if the snort and shake of your head is more because of how absurd it all is, or if it’s meant to answer his question. Either way, it fits. And as Jungkook exhales sharply through his nose, his jaw clenching in a steady rhythm, you don’t say anything more.

The tension between you feels like it’s growing and the silence between you both is almost suffocating you. You try to distract yourself by looking at the scenery outside the window, but it’s no use.

“I never wanted to do all those things,” you mumble, as if you can somehow lift a bit of the weight off your chest. “But I felt so…so unworthy…so empty. I needed to do it, even if I hated most of it.”

The waiter sets down your plates and drinks, wishing you a pleasant meal. Still, you don’t look up at Jungkook, maybe out of embarrassment, maybe because you just can’t. Instead, you stare at your food, forcing yourself to eat, even if it’s only a little.

“You shouldn’t have.” His voice is gentle, and you feel his gaze burning onto your face, though you try to ignore it. “Not for someone else, at least.”

Is he talking about himself? Or does he think you did it all for Yoongi? Either way, he’s right, though those words would have made more difference if he’d said them years ago.

“Maybe you’re right.”

It’s unusual to see Jungkook eating so slowly, and it’s not like you to keep so quiet, either. It’s not that you can’t handle silence, but sharing a meal like this without any connection feels so pointless.

“Was it easy?” Jungkook eventually asks, and your eyes involuntarily snap up to him.

“What was?”

“Moving on so fast…”

Sometimes, looking at Jungkook like you do now, you marvel at how much he’s matured. His features have lost that softness, his smooth skin now showing faint lines from laughter and time you weren’t there to share.

You’d always imagined growing old with him, and even though it hasn’t been that long, your heart aches for all the time lost.

The faint, bluish shadows under his eyes, something he didn’t even have during his finals, make him look not just tired, but drained off life. You can only hope it’s not because of you.

“I never did, so I can’t say.”

You both go back to eating, letting silence settle again as you try to process it all. Maybe you need a whiteboard, or even a list, something to help you make sense of it all, thinking you’ll definitely do that later, once you’re back at the hostel tonight.

More than half your plate is still full, but you can’t seem to eat any more. As you set your cutlery down and tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear, you notice Jungkook’s already finished his meal.

“You should eat more.”

“I’m full. I’ll just take it to go.”

And after Jungkook sighs and nods, you do just that, quickly insisting you’ll pay for your own meal, refusing to let him cover it for you.

Finally back outside, the sky has shifted, like your mood, from sunny and clear to dark, with low-hanging, heavy clouds.

“That’s odd,” Jungkook mutters, fishing his phone out and typing quickly. “Forecast didn’t mention a downpour.”

“What should we do?” Your nerves flare, body tingling and palms starting to sweat as that familiar panic creeps in, the kind that takes over any time things veer off-plan.

Jungkook’s eyes dart over his screen, only adding to your unease.

“Shit,” he curses under his breath and puts his phone away. “So, uh, there’s a thunder cell that’s come up out of nowhere, and there’s a warning for a severe snowstorm. But it’s all good. We still have time.”

Just then, the first big snowflakes start falling from the clouds, and the wind picks up. As you look up at the sky, your voice trembles, “Jungkook?”

“Alright, okay, maybe we don’t have as much time as I thought. We’re going to head down this way quickly, but safely.” He points toward a fork in the path where you can see a sign with a blue dot in one direction and a black one in the other—the black meaning it’s the most difficult and dangerous run there is.

“Okay.” You don’t sound entirely convinced, partly because, while you believe in your skills, you know that in these weather conditions, even the best skills won’t count for much.

“Strap on your board. We need to go.”

And you follow his instructions because, at this point, there’s no other option. The wind has picked up dramatically by the time you straighten up again, and you have to strain every muscle to stay upright against its force.

You’re terrified, and Jungkook’s focused, hurried pace isn’t doing much to settle your nerves.

“You’re leading, so I can keep my eyes on you.”

You nod, shifting your weight forward to start descending, but keeping control of the board proves not just difficult, but almost impossible. Your vision blurs with the flurry of snowflakes, even through your goggles, you can barely make out the slope or see the fork ahead.

“To the right!” you hear Jungkook shout from behind, his voice frantic to its core. But as you pick up speed, the wind shoves you beyond the limit of what you can handle, pushing you towards the left, dangerously close to the black run.

“To the right, ___!”

You try, you really do, but you can’t seem to manage it. Like a leaf in a gale, you’re pulled in the direction you don’t want to go, helpless to stop it. Lungs burning with each short breath, you think you scream the moment you realise it’s too late, skidding down the steep, black slope.

You try to brake, just like Jungkook taught you, but your knees are weak, your muscles not trained enough to regain control.

Jungkook rushes up beside you, and even though you’re in full survival mode, his presence brings you a tiny sliver of reassurance, even if it’s just for a while.

“You’re doing good, keep going!”

And you do, tears streaming down under your scarf. The storm keeps pushing you off course, pulling you again and again in directions you don’t want to go. But Jungkook’s right there, sticking close beside you, trying to block out some of the wind’s blasts and guiding you as best as he can.

It feels like an eternity—fighting against nature, fighting to stay upright, fighting the fear building stronger and stronger in your chest. Somehow, even though you left the marked slope ages ago, heading somewhere unknown and unsure if it’ll lead you to safety, you spot a small, abandoned-looking hut in the distance.

“Try to stop!” Jungkook yells, his voice barely reaching you through the howling wind.

“Now?”

“Now!”

You manage to stop, though clumsily, falling hard onto your bum, every muscle aching so painfully you’re barely able to move. Jungkook ditches his board in seconds, crawling over to help you with yours as the frozen clips stubbornly resist coming loose.

“You good?” He glances briefly at your face, breath visible in short puffs matching yours, his lips chapped and slightly split.

You nod, though you’re still trembling, trying to steady yourself as adrenaline surges through you without much mercy.

Jungkook gets up with your board in hand, offering his free hand to you in a heartbeat and pulling you up effortlessly. After he picks up his own board, jointing yours, he clasps your hand with his free one and bolts towards the hut, dragging you along with him.

Thankfully, or rather miraculously, the hut’s indeed abandoned and open. And while Jungkook pushes you inside first, letting the boards clatter onto the wooden floor as he leans against the door, both of you are panting and gasping for air, needing this break more than anything.

The hut’s not really windproof, small gaps in the wooden walls still letting the cold wind whistle inside.

“Seriously? What the hell were you thinking?!” He rips his helmet off and throws it to the boards on the ground.

You try to straighten yourself, though the ache’s nearly too much. “I… I tried. I… it…”

“You just never listen, do you? I told you to turn right back there, but of course, you went your own way. Always have, always will.”

The storm outside’s picked up even more now, and the cold has seeped into your bones, though you still fold your arms, doing your best to keep your voice steady despite the burn in your lungs. “Oh, please, Jungkook. Don’t act like I’m the only one who doesn’t listen. You’ve got selective hearing when it suits you.”

He lets out a frustrated sigh, running a gloved hand through his sweat-dampened hair. “Selective hearing? I spent years trying to tell you things, but you were always too stubborn to actually listen.”

“Right, yeah, I’m the stubborn one,” you snap right back. “You still can’t even talk to me unless it’s about some bullshit like snowboarding.”

“Oh, as if you’re any better.”

“I am! You didn’t even say one word before I left!” you explode, ripping off your helmet too, followed by your gloves, yeeting them across the hut.

“Oh, fuck off, ___! I wanted to, but clearly, you couldn’t wait to fuck Yoongi as soon as you got rid off me!”

“Yoongi’s my cousin, Jungkook. Family. But I wouldn’t expect you to know that, since you barely know anything about my life anymore.”

Jungkook’s face falls at that, and you can clearly see how his whole world view crumbles in his eyes, leaving nothing behind but a hollow sadness you’ve never seen before. Though you’re sad too, you’re hollow too, and so you continue, “Don’t pin this on me when I never moved on, when you were the one fucking Hara and giving her a baby.”

His unfocused eyes snap to you, lips still parted as he breathes, “I never slept with her. She’s Jin’s wife.”

You feel like you’re falling, falling so hard and fast you can’t stop. The tears that coat your eyes are nothing compared to the agonising realisation ripping you open. All those years, even all this hurt you’ve been experiencing these last few days, were unfounded.

If you weren’t this close to Jungkook, you’d think his red nose was just from the cold, but the silver lining his eyes carry shows just how broken you both are, what you did to yourselves without even realising it in the first place.

“You moved on,” you press out, fighting the sob that threatens to spill.

“I haven’t.”

How foolish all the assumptions were, how foolish of him to assume just as much. How utterly foolish that you both lost the ability to talk to each other long before your relationship ended.

But maybe it had to come to this for you to learn what it’s like to be separated, to learn how to communicate… but have you really? You reckon you haven’t, not given how things went down. Maybe it’s too late, just as Hope warned you, though a small, fragile part in you clings to the delusion that things might still turn out right.

“Let’s… let’s call for help.” You turn, unable to keep looking at Jungkook, and you’re sure he needs time to process the bomb that’s just dropped.

“Yeah,” he’s taking out his phone again, though the breath he lets out is nothing short of concerning. “My phone’s dead. How about yours?”

By now you’ve sat down on the small, bare bed, as standing any longer would have had you fainting by this point. While you rummage through your inner coat pocket to pull out your old beaten-up phone, Jungkook stomps over with his snow-covered boots and sits down beside you, leaving enough space between you that it feels like miles.

Lighting up the screen, you see your phone’s battery miraculously still well over 90%, but there’s absolutely no signal. “Nope, no signal. We’re stranded.”

Just as you’re about to put your phone back, Jungkook stops you with his voice. “You still got the case?”

You pause, looking over at him, only to meet hopeful eyes you can’t quite place.

“Uh, yeah. You clearly got rid of yours though.”

You hate sounding so bitter, but it is what it is. Years of feeling the way you did can’t be undone with one revelation.

“I lost it… my phone, too, when I was in the Caribbean shortly after we…”

You hum and nod because what else is there to do?

“Why did you keep it?”

Your eyes stray from your phone, where you’re running your thumb over one of Jungkook’s doodles on the case like it always does, to him, though he’s not looking at you this time, just fiddling with his gloves in his lap.

“I can’t get rid of memories. You should know that.”

“Even if they’re bad?” He turns his head to you, though his eyes are fixed on your phone. The way he’s slouching is so unlike him, and it hurts to see what you’ve done to him.

“They aren’t bad.”

Jungkook nods a few times, as if he’s trying to cement your words in his mind, rewriting everything he thought was real but never was.

Eventually, Jungkook stands up and walks over to a small closet, pulling open the doors to see what’s inside.

“No way.” He breathes out a laugh, and you crane your neck to look past his broad shoulders, though it’s no use.

When he turns, arms full of vacuum bags stuffed with blankets and pillows, you feel like you might scream in delight. Especially when Jungkook rips them open beside you and a waft of freshly washed fabric hits you.

“That’s like hitting the jackpot.” You look up at him, your grin as wide as his as he just laughs. “Can you light the fireplace too?”

Jungkook furrows his brows as he looks around the hut, likely because he hadn’t spotted it until now. But as soon as he clocks it, along with the stack of dried wood beside it, he’s off in a flash, inspecting the chimney and everything else.

Meanwhile, you gather all the bedding and spread it out on the bed, purposefully ignoring the fact that there’s only this one bed in the hut and not even a couch. It shouldn’t be a big deal—you’ve done more than sleep in the same bed as Jungkook before, and you’re both clearly single, so there’s nothing your conscience can protest about.

Still, time has passed, and you’ve clearly drifted apart more than you would’ve liked. It’s an unusual situation you’re in, an emergency really, and you’ll have to adjust to it without reading too much into it.

“Got a lighter on you?”

You pull it out of your pocket, leaving Yoongi’s cigarettes in your pocket that you nicked this morning alongside before leaving, and toss the lighter his way which he catches effortlessly with one hand, lighting up the kindling he’s set, framed by a few larger sticks of wood.

Jungkook watches the fire intently, and soon enough the hut’s heating up, allowing you to take off your coat. Not wanting to keep your boots on any longer—by now, they’ve cut off all circulation in your feet—you pull them off as well, then crawl onto the bed, settling against the headboard under the layers of blankets.

You’re absolutely knackered at this point, and as you check the time on your phone, you realise it’s already past dinnertime.

“You can join me, you know?” you smile as Jungkook turns around, muttering an “okay” and starting to peel off his gear too, though you don’t miss the flush creeping up to his ears.

How endearing he can still be.

The bed’s clearly not meant for two—especially not when Jungkook’s become this buff. He’d probably struggle to fit on his own, let alone with someone else. And though you’re fairly petite next to him, you’re both squished together, personal space nonexistent. Still, it’s better than freezing to death outside.

“I’m so tired,” you yawn.

“I’m so hungry.”

The pout on Jungkook’s face makes you giggle; it’s just so him. Without thinking, you lean over him to fetch the food from your coat. Only when you settle back beside him do you notice how stiff he’s gone.

You don’t comment on it, just hand him the leftovers, which he reluctantly takes, though this time he doesn’t engulf your hands like he did yesterday. Not that you’d admit it, but you’re a bit sad he didn’t do it again.

“You hungry too? It’s your food.”

“I’m good, Jungkook, please just eat.”

You’re starting to read him again, just a bit less hazy than it was the last few days. So before he can start arguing with you, those sad boba eyes pleading for you to eat when you’re genuinely not hungry, you lay your hand over his arm, giving it a light squeeze. “I’m not hungry, promise.”

With that, Jungkook starts to eat and you lean back, slumping more into the blankets as he eats in silence, your eyes growing heavy with each passing minute.

“You can sleep if you want.” Jungkook gently pulls the blanket higher over your shoulder as you lie down fully, your head nearly resting against his hip.

“I’m still cold,” you mumble sleepily, though there’s no chance you’ll really fall asleep while you’re still shivering like this. The storm’s really taken it out of you.

Jungkook shifts, and when you open your eyes, you realise he’s finished eating and is lying down facing you. “Turn around.”

Lying beside him like this, faces just inches apart, is something you never thought would happen again. And while it’s hard to look away from him—the slope of his nose, the Cupid’s bow of his lips making them almost too inviting—you fight against the blankets draped over you both and turn around. Jungkook slips an arm around your waist without much care, pulling you fully against him until there’s no space left between you.

Heart racing like a hummingbird’s wings, you try to relax into his hold, but the thin layer of fabric separating you makes it feel as though you’re bare. You’d seen the contours of his body when he stripped off his gear, the black thermal shirt and pants clinging to his muscles like a second skin, leaving nothing to the imagination. But feeling his solid body against yours like this, after so long, leaves your head spinning in circles you can’t seem to stop.

You haven’t noticed how your hips press back against his crotch, haven’t noticed the way your body instinctively moves against his until Jungkook’s breath hits your ear.

“Sorry,” you breathe, but somehow, you can’t bring yourself to stop. His large hand, which had been resting on the mattress beside you, slides up along your stomach, stopping just before cupping your breast from below, and you know you’ve stepped through a door that should’ve been left closed.

Heat rises within you, making you shiver with something far more pleasant than the cold. You need more of him, more of his touch, and your hand slips from beneath the blankets, reaching back to tangle in the hair at the back of his head, willing yourself to just feel and nothing more.

His quick breaths ghost across the part of your neck that’s bare, just enough to spark more want not only in your heart but your cunt too. You tug gently at his hair, urging him down, igniting a fire you know won’t be put out easily.

Before his hand fully cups your breast, he pulls you even tighter against him, hot lips kissing and sucking at your skin as you press yourself back, trying to ease the ache between your legs against his growing cock.

The low moans slipping from Jungkook’s throat are music to your ears, and the realisation that he likely sang that song not for Hara, but for you, sends another wave of arousal out of your cunt.

“Jungkook…” you rasp, basking in his touch, but as soon as his name leaves your lips, he pulls back.

Thinking you’ve done something wrong, you turn your head, only to see him tugging off the last of his clothes. Relieved and more turned on than you’ve ever been, you strip off your own gear, leaving the blanket draped over you. It’s been years, your body’s changed, and while you know it shouldn’t matter, you still hope he doesn’t notice.

In a blink, he’s back, resuming where he left off, though now it’s his warm, smooth skin against yours. The ridges of his abdomen press along your back, and the feel of his cock—hard and oh so hot—against the cheeks of your ass is pure bliss.

You turn your head, trying to catch his gaze, maybe even hoping for a kiss, but when you catch sight of the familiar chain around his neck, it stops you in your tracks.

Jungkook pauses too, his eyes questioning, but as soon as he realises what you’re looking at, he gives you a lazy smirk, his hand cupping your face to turn you towards him and with it your whole body.

You expect him to kiss you now, hungrily like he always did, but instead, he brushes his lips along your cheek, your neck, shifting to settle between your legs while the cool metal of the chain’s grazing your tits with every shift of his body.

“I don’t have a condom. I could…eat you out.”

His thigh pressing against you doesn’t lessen the ache, but you remember the one scare you had together, that time you thought you might be pregnant not long after you’d started dating. It wasn’t that you wouldn’t have wanted it, but you’d both been so young. Even now, the thought makes your heart skip, but not as violently as it used to. You’d be ready and willing to take the risk, though, would he?

“I’m clean, on the pill.”

Jungkook lets out a low groan against your neck as you press your thigh gently against his cock, needing to give something back.

“I haven’t been with anyone since you. So clean.”

Is he serious? The thought hits you hard, and though you know he never lied to you before, you still can’t help but pull back, needing to see his face.

“You haven’t?”

“No.” His voice is barely a whisper, and the same love you remember shines in his eyes, making you tear up.

“Me too.”

“Fuck.” He returns to your neck, his fingers tracing your lines until they find your weeping cunt, slipping between your lips to spread your juices in gentle, familiar strokes as he preps you, every touch an echo of the love that maybe never faded.

The first stretch of his middle finger inside you is nothing short of insane, drawing you higher with a single stroke than any toy has managed in years. The way your cunt clenches around him seems to drive Jungkook on even more as he pumps with precise motions, soon adding his ring finger, bringing you dangerously close to euphoria.

Jungkook’s free hand roams from your neck to your tits, back and forth, squeezing, mapping you out like he forgot how you felt like, though finally resting on your jaw as he nestles his head between your shoulder and neck, leaving soft love bites in his wake.

It’s when he picks up the pace, the base of his palm hitting your clit relentlessly with each thrust, that you come undone, your orgasm flooding over his hand as he continues, determined to not stop just yet.

A muffled whine of your name slips from his lips, softer than you’ve ever heard, and while you long to hear him call your pet name like he used to, it only amplifies the fullness in your heart for him.

Jungkook keeps his fingers inside you, now scissoring them to stretch you further as you cling to his back, not caring if you leave angry marks.

“Think you can take it?”

“Yes,” you mewl, not caring if you couldn’t. You’ll take him, you need him, need to feel as if none of those years apart ever happened.

Once again, you think he might finally kiss you, but instead, he leans in and presses a soft kiss to your damp forehead. You momentarily frown, but it’s forgotten the second his cock aligns with your still sobbing cunt, dragging up and down to coat his entire length and even his tight balls.

The sight of Jungkook when he finally pushes in is nothing short of mesmerising. He’s so perfectly sculpted, every muscle cord defined, and with his piercings and tattoo sleeve, he looks like a fantasy you never dared dreaming of.

You’ve always had a weak spot for tattoos, but seeing them inked across Jungkook’s skin? That’s your ultimate downfall. A glorious downfall, as the burn of his thick length pushing deep inside you sends you reeling, until he’s so far in that you can’t tell where he starts and you end.

“Oh my god,” you choke out, overwhelmed by everything Jungkook is—and everything he’s become.

He’s unusually silent, though you barely notice, not when he begins to rock his hips, leisurely sliding his massive cock in and out, low grunts and moans escaping him as his gaze locks onto yours and not dares to stray.

Jungkook leans back, increasing the intensity of his thrusts, sweat forming in small beads along the ridges of his chest and abs, dripping down despite the cold. His nipples are hard, and your mouth waters with the urge to suck on them. But seeing his own mouth slightly parted, breaths quickening in time with the rhythm of his hips, you’re sure he’s thinking the same, drawn to your own nipples, standing proud on the jiggling flesh of your chest.

And while you wish you were the flicker of firelight dancing across his skin, you’re not far behind, as his hands find their way from your hips to your tits, caressing them like he always did, giving you everything and far more. You need something to ground yourself, a way to keep from shattering under the emotions running wild in your mind, intensified with every thrust Jungkook drives into your core. So, you grip his wrists, not to stop him, but to urge him on—to make him pinch harder.

Maybe you need the bite of it, maybe you want him to not just take away the ache, but be the reason you remember this night years from now.

“Jungkook, I’m so close, oh my god.”

The grunt that escapes him reverberates through you, nearly pushing you over the edge on its own, but he slows, setting a gentler pace as he shifts so his mouth can worship you from your breasts to your neck, leaving a trail of hickeys across your delicate skin.

You know the two of you will be marked by the end of the night, and right now, that’s all you want. You want to leave yourself etched into his skin, to reclaim your place not only in his heart but in every part of him.

In this moment, it’s like you’re finally whole—not just because Jungkook fills you completely, but because he completes you. He always has, and while you’ve both been damned by what happened before, it feels like redemption might be close.

“You’re…” Jungkook murmurs against your skin, his warm breath searing into you, though you need him to finish his sentence, need to hear it.

But as you cradle his head in your hands and he lifts his gaze to meet yours, his eyes are hooded, yet glistening, and your throat tightens at the sight too.

Face to face, you share the same breath, as if you share one heart, your small hands gripping his face as if you never want to let go, his hands cradling your small head with the tenderness that once meant everything. It’s as though you feel what he’s trying to say—but somehow, you don’t.

There’s still a wall between you, still something unsaid screaming in the silence that just can’t seem to go away, and you’re sure he feels it too. He feels it as your orgasm builds, feels it in the desperation of his own thrusts, in the matching, agonising, wordless ache in both your eyes, feels it when you both shatter together in a burst of all colours and stars in existence.

And then, all that’s left is pain.

He hasn’t kissed you, and you didn’t kiss him either.

And as he pulls his now-softening length from your still-pulsing cunt and reaches for a tissue from his trousers off the floor to help you clean up, he silently gets dressed.

Dresses as if he’s ashamed, dressed as if he regrets it, dressed as if you’re the worst thing that’s ever happened to him.

So you do the same, slipping into your clothes before lying back down, shifting as close to the wall as possible, facing away from him to give him some peace where none is found.

The tears falling silently onto the pillow should only be from the shivering that’s returned, a byproduct of the cold that momentarily disappeared but is now back as if you were never meant to feel warm again.

Finally, exhaustion sweeps over you. Physically. Mentally. And everything in between.

And as Jungkook lies down too, once more pulling you close and wrapping you in the warmth you crave more than you can bear to admit, your eyes fall shut almost effortlessly.

Maybe sleeping it all away will make it better, forgotten as a dream that never was.

Forgotten, like everything good that once was but now isn’t anymore.

Forgotten, like the tear you feel slide down the back of your neck, disappearing into the fabric of your shirt where all your sins and failures lie buried.

01 • 02 • masterlist • 04

a/n 3: lmk what you think in any way you like! 👀 If you liked what you read, pls consider buying me a ☕️ Ko-fi.com/runariya 💕

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weirdmageddon · 6 months ago

Text

the shift in lore literacy in homestuck’s fandom

i was thinking about how the people who got into homestuck after it ended—whose interactions with the comic are in a static, archived state, not an ongoing thing—missed out on information that was more common knowledge in the fandom at that time. i don’t know if this is true since i’m not on tiktok, but i wouldn’t be surprised if it was. the fandom certainly isn’t the same as it was before.

ive found that many people reading homestuck now simply do not understand things in homestuck that were common knowledge back in the day, with calls for “homestuck literacy classes to become mandatory” in response to baffling takes because so many people just now seem to have glazed over the comic without absorbing important plot points, and i think i know why this may be. i ended up writing a post reflecting on my time with the comic, my perspective and how ive seen this change. i still think and write about homestuck because it still fascinates me. earlier i quote retweeted that call in my thread talking about the temporal relativity of dave and rose’s god tier ascension in the green sun, saying “my homestuck literacy is 100% so guess im doing my part as a teacher by pointing out whatever i think is really cool about it”. this post im writing now started out as a reply to this tweet i got in response.

i joined the fandom in 2013. i was 11. i had been aware of it since at least late 2011, early 2012 when my friend ryan in fifth grade told me to read it but i couldn’t get past the first few pages. i remember writing a journal on deviantart around this time (late 2011-early 2012) that was mocking people who typed like gamzee, which ironically was very karkat of me. and i remember someone on flipnote hatena i was following was making flipnotes with the alpha kids.

i dont know what caused me to flip the switch into reading it but 2013. i got into it somewhere between april (i think closer to april—i remember it being quite a span of time between the last update before HOMOSUCK dropped.) this was the most recent page the comic, meaning there was no > [S] ACT 6 ACT 6 at the bottom.

i got into it during a pause in updates, which looking into it, was the year 4 megapause. i wasn’t sure of the month until seeing the news post detailing the reason for the hiatus and the status report of the comic’s development at that time. pretty cool i could narrow it down by referencing the dates of those updates and the news post to correspond with the pause!

according to readmspa, the year 4 megapause was a 59 day hiatus from Apr 14, 2013 ==> (EOA6A5) running to 12 Jun 2013, [S] ACT 6 ACT 6. then for a few months there were the first updates that i was apart of the fandom for.

and what an exciting time during the story get into the webcomic! when the updates resumed in june, part 4 of homestuck had begun. here was a glimpse of the updates in that span of time before the next hiatus began in october.

that hiatus was none other than the gigapause, the longest hiatus in the comic, which started october 2013 and lasted for a YEAR, and i already posted about what happened on the date of return.

but here were the main events happening in the story at the time i first actually got interested in it. i wasn’t aware of the full context of them then like i am now, but i was looking at the most recent updates anyway with interest:

the alpha kids just emerged as god tiers from their slabs in derse and prospit, blown up by the condesce and caliborn / lil cal-possessed b2 jack noir.

the journey to the new session started 24 hours after jack called an early reckoning in descend—for context that was about when dave entered around midnight central time and before jade even entered. it’s pretty easy to forget that side 1 of homestuck basically happens within the span of a single day—and at this point in the story, the 3 year journey (which was also 3 real life years) had just ended. john and jade emerged from the other side of the yellow yard through the fenestrated plane on LOMAX. john’s real body was asleep upon arrival in the new session, while his dreaming projection out in the dream bubbles came across vriska’s ghost ship to learn lord english lore with vriska and aranea, and go on the treasure hunt where they found the ultimate weapon at the X mark out in in the furthest ring. in the dream john stuck his hand in the juju, started warping all over canon which removed his real body from the ship on LOMAX. he zapped around for a while but eventually zapped back to LOMAX, now awake, completely out of the loop of what everyone else is up to, and bored as fuck. what was everyone else getting up to while john was asleep?

jade was now once again within the domain of the green sun. im pretty sure her space god doggy essence comes with the power to sense what was anywhere within the domain of the session since her face looks like she arrived at that spot with intent (and she literally has jack noir’s exact powers from bec’s prototyping. also this panel). she immediately dispatched b2 jack to the edge of the incinisphere, defending the newly god-tiered jane and jake. i think even if they weren’t in any danger, she would have warped to them instantly anyway because she COULD now, and i can imagine she wouldve been sooooo eager to meet everyone. even davesprite comments about her rapid departure.

the pre-scratch refugees arrived during the only time serious shit ever went down in the nobles’ months-long inert void session. the condesce used her freak psychic bronze-cerulean powers to commune with jade’s bestial side and mind controlled her, which is super dangerous as someone with the powers of a first guardian. she then used jade’s powers to corrupt jane with the tiaratop. no funtime meetup allowed!

the trolls’ meteor with rose, dave, and the remaining trolls was pulling up into the new session with no way to slow it down. grimbark jade warped there once it was in the incinisphere and took active control. she warped everyone off the trolls’ meteor and sent them to LOMAX.

as john was losing his mind on LOMAX waiting for everyone, the meteor crew warped in. after 3 years he finally reunited with rose and dave, and at least saw the trolls in person. close curtains, end of A6A5. this was the newest [S] flash page at the time, one of my first impressions of this comic, and still one of my favorite flashes. knowing the context of the flash in the story only enhances the retrospective joy i have at getting into the comic at the time i did because it’s such an anticipated moment in the story for everyone, while for someone with no context of the story it was still enjoyable.

so that’s what was going on plotwise when i joined the fandom.

from this time, through those few months of updates and through the gigapause, i was familarizing myself with the characters in the story and overseeing the state of fanbase, getting myself acquainted with the story and wrapping my head around everything.

at that time i found that a new-ish group called colab HQ who were producing a let’s read homestuck series on youtube. hearing the voices and the pacing of it like that really, really eased me into it (maybe it was my adhd that gave me trouble actually starting it?). i caught up to a certain point using lets read homestuck and from that point was able to continue with the comic on my own, and by the time the gigapause came to a close i was fully caught up. i remember the rebranding of colab hq into voxus about a year and a half after i discovered them.

but.. back to the main point of my post. even these posts from hussie’s tumblr exist in archived states. how many new fans know about hussie’s old tumblr? i don’t know, unless theyre a new fan that must scour the internet for more deep more dives on homestuck and its fandom as a whole. but since hussie deleted his tumblr (it exists archived now on homestuck.net which, alongside from the unofficial homestuck collection, has nearly singlehandedly kept the most important relics of the fandom and lore archived), that page is not an active part of the fandom now, because it’s gone. it’s a pile of bones. it’s not living and breathing. it’s in an archived state. the whole thing is already there. homestuck and its fandom history is something you now binge instead of slowly consume and meld with as it comes out. it’s now this rapid information intake that you might forget about if you read it now instead of engaged alongside it. you’re not surrounded by people actively talking and theorizing about developments anymore. the ability to have those sorts of conversations during the ongoing development of the story reinforced concepts, ideas, and lore over and over as we tried to make sense of it.

being in a fandom when the author is still delivering the story is like nothing else. it allows you grow alongside the characters and engage meaningfully with the media and people in the fandom space around you. it feels like you’re participating IN the media itself, especially if you’re interfacing with the creator. it’s in always having something to theorize or talk about and speculate. and people become very aware of these sorts of forgotten story facts because they were applying the logic of the newest official post from hussie into making their sburb ocs or something and share resources and discussion posts about “what just happened in this update?? recap????” it was this cultural osmosis thing. i think this is why homestuck literacy is now at an all time low, at least from what i can see on twitter.

reading homestuck then vs now is like the difference between serialized shows with spaces between episodes to discuss stuff and time to reflect and learn and become attached to the story, narrative, worldbuilding and its characters, vs the netflix model where it’s all dropped all at once and people forget about it after binging.

at this point in time im getting the sense that “homestuck elders” now are no longer just people who were there since 2009-2010, but now also people who were there while it was still updating, probably stretching into 2014-2015. there are many sources of lore that were common knowledge in the fandom at the time that, since becoming susceptible to the deletion of content and link rot, and with the thanosing of mspaforums, are no longer accessible at the source. and a lot of people moved on after it ended, especially following the epilogues, the kate drama, and the whatpumpkin-sarah z drama, leaving a void of information behind if not for archivists and people such as me who continue to keep old facts relevant in discussions. my friend has called me a fandom scholar before and seeing this post i think i get what they mean.

EDIT: there is a series of video essays ive watched multiple times (because theyre that good) and they are exactly what modern fans need to see more of. they really help contextualize the comic and the themes present in it help you appreciate the basic fabric of homestuck a hell of a lot more. i highly recommend them and encourage any fan of homestuck to watch them, or someone considering getting into homestuck to watch the first one.

i think this is arguably as close to the “mandatory literacy class for homestuck” that person was talking about as you can get, especially the first video.

additionally, there is also the website https://rafe.name/homestuck which is essentially a sparknotes for homestuck and can help you follow developments in the comic itself.

#homestuck #homestuck meta #homestuck fandom #mine

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luciferlightbringer · 9 months ago

Text

Love in a Hopeless Place

Chapter 4

Thanks again to all of my readers and new followers! I get more excited with every chapter. Here is Chapter 4! (Chapter 5 already basically done because the brainrot is so bad rn. Should I make the simps wait or should I post it tomorrow?) xoxo, Dany <3

Chapter 3|Chapter 4|Chapter 5|Updated through Chapter 12

Lucifer x prostitute fem!reader Word Count: 4.2k CW: Slowburn, Prostitution, Hurt/comfort, trauma, fluff, cuddles, depression, anxiety, family drama

Before long, you were back in the same black car again on the way to see Lucifer, a little more nervous and excited than you were last time. The last week felt both slow and quick at the same time. It was weird having something that you kinda looked forward to, instead of just living day to day in the torturous monotony that you had gotten used to in your short time in hell.

You wore your same jacket from the last time, but beneath you opted for a soft, baby blue, crop-top sweater and tightly fitting, black pants, with some more simple lingerie underneath. You dressed more simple and comfortable this time because you did not expect it to go in a sexual route, but your outfit was still alluring if that was the route he wanted to go down. It is the type of outfit that might get some confused looks from Larry and the other girls, but since it was all covered by a jacket, no one commented on it as you made your way out of the Lounge. You still did your makeup and hair the same though, even though it felt a little over the top for the type of setting you anticipated for the night.

You made a little more effort to strike up a conversation with the driver this time, both to give you something to focus on, and to be nice since he would most likely be making this route more regularly, and because you always tried to be nice to people in the types of jobs that were more likely to get ignored or yelled at. At least on Earth. You could tell the driver was not much of a talker, but he still reciprocated in light conversation.

Soon you arrived once again at the big, beautiful manor, and the driver escorted you up the stairs to the front door. This time, you were surprised to see Lucifer standing in the hallway, about 20 feet in from the doorway, waiting for you. As you entered, you saw a warm nervous smile form across his face, and he started to walk towards you as you handed your coat to the driver as you had done before.

"Welcome back," he said, now standing before you, a glimmer of joy in his eyes. "It's good to see you again."

You smiled back at him, "It's good to see you again too. I hope you have been doing well since our last encounter?" you ask with warm curiosity in your eyes.

"Yes, I have, thank you" Lucifer responded. Lucifer had started to look over you again, still the same person as last time, but something felt different about you. Your outfit and form was still as attractive as last time, but it was more simple, comforting, even the way your face looked was softer. Everything about the person you were now in front of him felt like a softer, less sharp version of yourself than the one that he had first laid eyes upon a week prior. Even the energy of your words felt different. Like the sharp bite of sensuality and dominance that had lingered on every word that had escaped your lips previous, now felt sanded down to something more soft and warm, like the way sharp rocks turned to sand after enduring the constant crashing of the waves.

He held out one of his black hands to you and you took it, and he pulled your hand up to his lips, and gave a soft kiss on your knuckles. His lips were soft against your skin, and your skin was soft against his lips. Both of you felt little butterflies in your stomachs from the contact, but you both just gave the other a smile.

Lucifer once again escorted you up to his room, talking a little bit more about each other's week. You let Lucifer do most of the talking since he was the customer and, besides, you did not really like to talk about work. Pretty much all you did besides work, was sleep and hang out with one or two of the girls that you had become close with at the Lounge.

You both arrived in Lucifer's room and he turned to close the door. He then sighed and allowed his posture to slouch. He turned back to look at you, his expression now full of sadness and... guilt? What just happened? He was chatting and laughing up a storm just a minute ago? He looked up at you, nervously fiddling with his cane.

"I... uhhh... I wanted to apologize for last time," he said before looking back at the floor. Apologize? For what?

"I just... I don't know what happened. Something set me off and... it was really scary... It had nothing to do with you. Its my stuff... I'm not used to that happening around other people. And I'm not used to crying that much... especially not in front of people...," he covered his face with his hands and took in a jagged breath.

'Was he really apologizing for having a panic attack and then crying at receiving comfort?' You heart ached to see this gentle angelic creature full of so much pain in front of you. It also made you angry, but now was not the time for that. Without another thought you closed the gap between the two of you, pulling him in and wrapping him a soft embrace.

Lucifer flinched at the sudden embrace, peaking out from behind his hands, looking up at you with eyes that were already on their way to forming more tears.

"Listen to me. I don't normally tell people what they can and can't do, but you will not apologize to me for crying, feeling bad, needing comfort, or anything of that sort in my presence... Do you understand me?" you say softly but sternly as you hold him.

Lucifer remained frozen in your arms, processing your words, as more tears started to well up in his eyes.

"I am not going to stand here and pretend that I know what you are going through, but I know what it's like to feel alone, unseen, and to want for once to have someone listen to me or just fucking hold me. So please..." You open your arms a little, move his hands away from his face, and tip Lucifer's face up to look at you. "If this helps, which, does it?"

Lucifer gives you a soft nod as you hold up his chin as he gives you a soft, sad 'mhmm', his eyes swimming with sorrow and joy.

"Then don't you ever fucking apologize to me. Got it?" you whisper to him.

He nodded, as the dam that was holding back this next round of tears broke. He buried his head against the soft skin of your neck and melted into you as he sobbed. Through some of the sobs he tried to talk and explain things that had happened before, but it was hard to understand through the hard breathing and hicks of air between the sobs. You softly shushed him and told him that you did not have to try to tell it all to you now.

After a few minutes, he calmed down enough for you to ask if he wanted to get more comfortable so that you did not have to put him to bed in his suit clothes again if he ended up falling asleep again. He said he wasn't going to fall asleep again, but he agreed that snuggling up to you in more comfortable clothes would be nice also you did not trust that he would not fall asleep again.

He changed into a baggy sweater and some sweatpants and walked back into the room to see you sitting on the edge of his bed. You smiled and giggled to yourself as he walked back in the room. You never expected to see the King of Hell looking so casual, he looked so sweet and innocent, especially in a sweater that looked a little too big for him. He crossed his arms and pouted as you laughed.

"What's so funny?" he said, raising an eyebrow. You suddenly realize how your laugh may have some off to someone who most likely harbors some level of self esteem issues beneath his normal vailed charismatic character.

"Oh! I'm sorry. You just look really cute," you say with a sheepish smile. "it's just... not a look that I ever imagined you in."

A blush ripped across Lucifer's cheeks. He loved compliments but still didn't expect them from you, especially with how blunt they were. But he figured it was probably something you did a lot. He walked over to a record player that was against one of the walls of his room, and put on a record to play in the background. Its sounded like... Swan Lake? Or something close to it. Did they actually know about Swan Lake in hell?

You both talked about where he wanted you to be, and you moved to sit over the spot where Lucifer normally slept, and sat criss-cross. You looked at Lucifer, opening you arms to him as an invitation. Lucifer crawled up onto the bed and curled up into your lap with his head against your chest. You arms enveloped him again as your warm body heat made him melt into you again.

Everything about you felt so gentle and plush, you had a soft scent about you, kinda like... what was it... Lavendar and Shea Butter? Something like that. Your sweater was soft too. He missed the dress you wore last week, but that would have just turned him on and that was not what he was wanting right now. He still enjoyed your simple beauty, and appreciated that it seemed you had understood his cryptic message he had told your boss.

"So, it seems my message to you got through ok?" he asked sleepily.

"It did," you replied softly smiling down at him.

"And you are ok this this? You won't get in trouble for doing this instead of sexual things, right?" he asked, looking up with sleepy concern.

You ran card your fingers through his hair, "No, mostly because it's no ones business what I do on house calls, as long as you are happy."

Right, because its what the customer wants. Something about that made his chest tighten, but he let it go. The 'why' of the situation didn't matter right now, he felt cared for and that's what he needed right now.

The two of you sat in comfortable silence, outside of the gentle music that played in the background, for some time. For how long, you had no idea, but every moment was bliss. You watched as Lucifer shed a few more tears in the comfort of your arms, his breathing started to slow and his eyelids started to grow heavy. Then you felt him shift and look up at you.

"Oh, I had a question..." Lucifer said, half asleep.

"What's up?" you said, god he was so cute when he was fighting back sleep.

"How much... is too much?" he asked with half open eyes.

You looked at him confused, "How much is too much, what?"

"Time," he said, "Time with you?"

You were starting to understand the question a little more, "Like tonight?"

He shook his head, "No like... nights, amount of nights."

"Oh! Like how often can you request for me to come over?" you say.

He nods as his head laid back down on you chest.

"As often as you would like," you say softly with a chuckle, running your fingers through his hair again.

Lucifer thought for a second and hummed at the sensation of your fingers in his hair, "Like... two or three times a week? I don't wanna be... weird and ask for too much." He was trying so hard to finish his thoughts and stay awake.

"It's cute that you would think I would find anything weird. But yes, two or three times a week is fine. You will just have to let Larry though so that I don't get scheduled with anyone else, ok?"

He nodded, and his eyelids fell heavy. A few minutes later, Lucifer was once again asleep in your arms. It seemed as if it was really important for him to ask that question before he fell asleep.

Once again, you took a few minutes to look at his sleeping face, so soft and peaceful. You were glad that tonight seemed to work out better than last time. You were so curious as to what pains it was that plagued his mind. I'm sure some of it had to do with the whole 'fallen angel' thing, but the way he reacted to intimacy felt like it held something deeper. He hoped he would tell you at some point as you are allowed to continue to be there for him, but that was for him to decide, and you needed to be careful. Lucifer held the power in the dynamic, one wrong move, and the relationship would be snuffed out. You wanted to make sure you did everything to make sure that did not happen too soon. You knew this dynamic could never last forever, but something about him made you want to be there, to help him feel better in this small way that it seems you had started to, for him, and, selfishly, a little bit for yourself.

It was time, and soon you slipped out from under him, and tucked him in as you had done the previous time. You wrote out another small note, letting him know that he can request for you 2 or 3 times a week, because you didn't trust that his sleepy memory would have held onto that conversation super well, and you left it on his bedside table again before leaving for the night. The driver was prepared this time to make sure you got paid for the night before you left the car.

Lucifer would wake up the next morning, feeling fluttery and rested again, to find your note again on the bedside table. He would immediately call to schedule his next few appointments. He didn't want to have to fight anyone for his time with you.

_____________________________________________________________

Over the next several weeks, you and Lucifer would meet up your agreed upon 2 to 3 nights a week, it ended up normally being close to every other night, and you were perfectly fine with that. You enjoyed having half of your evenings being more chill, less sex oriented than your other nights of work, and after a while, it almost felt like it wasn't work at all. More like... hanging out with a friend who just happened to pay for your time. Sometimes that made you feel guilty, but that was your job, he never said anything about it, and it gave you some level of protection in case something ever did go wrong.

You gradually started do less and less with your hair and makeup when you would go over, or you would just clean it off in the car or at Lucifer's place. Lucifer liked getting to see your natural facial features, but he never told you that directly. Every time you would walk in the door, Lucifer felt like the worries of his life would almost cease to exist, things felt more tolerable, even the pains of his past.

It took a few more nights before Lucifer could get past the hug turning into tears and cuddles until he fell asleep, but eventually he did. He didn't realize just how starved for affection he was until you starting coming around, and over time he felt the desperation for it that would send him into tears start to wane and become more tolerable. He still always feel asleep, but then again, you always stayed up late with him. Plus, he mentioned that he normally struggled to fall asleep on his own, and the nights with you made the sleep come much more easily.

The sessions of crying turned into nights of hanging out, having dinner, being introduced to his study full of ducks, helping him try to organize the ducks so that he could actually use his office a little more, playing board games, watching tv, and telling stories, including stories about Lucifer's past.

The first one started after he off-handedly mentioned needing to text Charlie.

"Who is Charlie?" you asked one night while you guys ate dinner on the couch while watching a show.

Lucifer slumped a little in his seat, and started to fidget with his phone, "She... well... she's my daughter."

Charlie Morningstar. Ugh, duh. You definitely knew he had a daughter. It was just surprising that he had not spoken at all about her. Lilith she could understand him not wanting to talk about, but why not Charlie? She was still in hell, and very active in its community.

"Oh right! I heard something on the news a few months ago about her... running a hotel of some kind, right? I don't remember much about it" you said. You remembered people at the brothel making fun of her for a couple of days because of a really awkward pitch she had made about it on the news, but that was a while ago, and of course you wouldn't tell Lucifer that.

Lucifer continued to mess with his phone, not looking up at you, "Uhh, ya... something like that... I'm not really sure," he sighed, "We don't talk much..."

You think for a minute, wanting to choose your next words carefully, "Why not?"

Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed deeply.

"I'm sorry, we don't-" you start to say.

"No no, its fine, its just... hard. Umm... Our family... used to be the best thing in the world, Lilith, Charlie, and I. We were… so happy, I had the best girls in the nine circles by my side. But I was busy, being the King and what-not, so I did not get as much time with Charlie. Lilith mostly took care of her, raised her, and Charlie grew up kinda distanced from me. I... barely know that much about her, especially now, and the stuff she does tell me, doesn't seem to fucking stick in my brain half the time, and I just feel like I'm a deadbeat father who just calls her to ask her to do things for me sometimes and I-" he stopped and sucked in a long breath, then exhaled. He could tell he was starting to talk fast and get really upset, and he didn't want that. He never talked about this part of his life with anyone and he really wanted to tell you, because with you he actually felt safe enough to talk about it.

He finally turned to look at you, "When Lilith left me 7 years ago, I felt like I lost any basic connection I had with Charlie... because she is so much closer with her mother. I... I want to talk to her, I want to know her... I just... I don't know how... I thought I used to but now... I'm just broken and useless to her..." Lucifers eyes slid back down to his lap and covered his face with his hands.

You looked at Lucifer for a minute, before opening you arms to invite him into your lap, as you usually did when he started to get sad again. Lucifer looked up at you, and soon crawled into your lap.

"I think, the next time you get the chance, try to ask her what she has been up to, how she is doing, maybe see if she wants to hang out or something? I'm sure she misses you too, maybe wants to get to know you too but also does not know how to start that conversation either. That's how I would feel about it anyway." you say as you stroke his hair.

"Why, so I can embarrass her and prove to her in person that I am a loser, deadbeat father? A walking trash pile of a person?" he pouted with a sniffle.

"Lucifer Morningstar," you say sternly looking down at him. You felt him flinch as you use his full name. "You stop that right now, that is not true and you are only hurting yourself and getting in your own way. You aren't doing anything to fix the problem if you don't at least try."

Lucifer groaned and pouted as he laid against your chest, "But it's scary though."

"Yes, and you are the King of Hell. You are apparently to scariest being in all of creation, and you are going to pout and cry into my chest and tell me you are scared of... trying to talk to your daughter?" you say with some sass.

Lucifer laid silently in you chest for a minute, starting to fidget with the soft fabric of your sweater, "Well... when you put it that way..."

"I make sense? I know, I'm a genius," you say with a sarcastic tone, "Look, if you try and she brushes you away, that's one thing. But you don't know if you don't try, ok?"

Lucifer continued to pout in you lap before giving you a begrudging "ok..."

"Good, I'm sure a good opportunity will arise at some point for you to try. I'm here for you when or if you need support around that," you reward him by nuzzling the top of his head and playing with his hair as you went back to watching your show. You felt Lucifer soften and purr as he enjoyed the sensory of you playing with his hair until, you guessed it, he fell asleep on your lap.

______________________________________________________________

Well, it did not take long for your little conversation to move into action. A couple weeks later, while at work, Larry came running in to find you in the mid-afternoon after one of your in-house sessions, a bit of urgency in his walk and face as he approached you.

"Babydoll! Change of plans to your schedule today, 'Lance' requested your start time be moved earlier and he said money was no object, so I'm cuttin' you loose to be with him for the rest of the day. Sounded like he was desperate for you today," said Larry in a hurry, but adding a little wiggle of his brows to the end of his statement.

That didn't sound good. Did something happen to him? "Uh, ok, no problem. How long until the car comes?"

Larry looked at his watch, "Five minutes."

Five minutes?! What the fuck Lucifer?!

You ran up to your room, got changed into more casual clothes, threw on your jacket, and ran out the down. Cynthhhhia tried to snark something at you on your way out the door, something about where you were going off in such a hurry with a bare face, but you didn't pay her any mind as you ran outside.

You saw the car and jumped into it, only to be surprised to see Lucifer sitting in the back of the car greeting you with a nervous smile.

"Lucifer!" you say after you close the door to that car, "Are you ok?! What's going on, you have never requested me early before. What is happening?!" You looked over him, nothing seemed to be physically wrong, he looked ok, just really nervous and... sweating a little?

Lucifer fidgeted nervously with his cane as he smiled at you, "Well, uhhh... Funny story! So, uh... Charlie called me, and... said she needed my help with something involving her hotel, and she invited me over, and I said yes!"

"Great!" you beamed, but you were still confused, you waited for the next part of the statement, but he just remained sitting with the big nervous smile on his face. "So... what does that have to do with me?"

Lucifer messed with his collar, "Well... uhhh... I said yes, and then I got off the phone, and I mayyyyy have started freaking out a little, and I did not want to go over there by myself, so I wanted to bring someone with me, and all I could think of who I could trust was you. So I called your boss, bought out your time for the rest of the day at double your usual price and now you are coming with me to see my daughter... right now." Lucifer sped through before ending with a big, very nervous smile.

Lucifer Morningstar, the King of Hell, had hired you, his regular prostitute, to go with him to see his estranged daughter that he had not really talked to in years, in public, at her hotel?!

Oh my fucking god.

_____________________________________________________________

As usual, leave a comment if you want added to the taglist so that you can get notifications when future chapters drop!

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#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #lucifer smut #lucifer x reader #lucifer fanfiction #lucifer x y/n #lucifer #lucifer magne #lucifer hazbin #fanfic writing #fanfiction #fanfic #hurt/comfort #slow burn

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covetyou · 1 year ago

Text

the dark caress of someone else

part 1 ⋆ part 2 ⋆ part 3 ⋆ part 4 ⋆ part 5

ao3 ⋆ main masterlist ⋆ series masterlist

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader x Tess Servopoulos rating: Explicit (18+ only!) chapter warnings: dub con, threesome (mff), oral (f and m receiving), bi reader, unprotected P in V, creampie, praise kink, spit kink, derogatory names (slut), drug reference, unspecified age gap, one singular queef (I'm not sorry), one face slap (with a dick)word count: 6.2k chapter summary: After a little white lie, you go to pick up your dads medication, only to be met by an angry Joel and a (not so) surprise visitor.

A/N: Thank you so much for all the love for this silly little series. I appreciate your amazing comments so much, and I don't quite know what to do with myself.

Piggy in the middle is fuckin difficult man. But I guess life imitates art and sometimes there do just be too many holes, hands and other body parts to keep track of. Also pls excuse me but I'm, like, really bi. And Anna Torv's Tess has my whole entire pussy heart.

this part is dedicated to 'The Sweaty Javi' and 'The Hillbilly Duck Hunter' (courtesy of the wonderful @morallyinept). thank you for your services. (pls drink responsibly)

also a shout out to slasher!joel's big ol' balls (spawned by @toxicanonymity) they've been on my mind literally all week and you would not believe the ball content I had to cut from this. only a smidgen of balls remain, but the balls are there in spirit. thanks for the ballspo bb.

follow @covetedfics and turn notifications on for updates on future work

song: someone new by Hozier dividers: @saradika

Your dad shook as he threw back his last pill, swallowing dry before chasing it down with a sip of water. He'd been making weak comments about needing to get more all week and you'd always stopped him. You didn't want him to go. You wanted to go.

You both knew that the pushback was all for show, but now a little white lie meant the show was over, for him at least.

"Joel doesn't want you coming to get your pills yourself anymore," you'd told him. It was a barefaced lie, but felt better than telling him the truth. How, exactly, do you tell your dad you're whoring yourself to his drug dealer?

You were fairly certain your dad knew what kind of man Joel Miller was. A Nice Man to some, maybe, but his reputation preceded him. He was known for helping out people when they got into tricky spots. Not all the time, of course, but when you had something he took a fancying to, he'd be more than willing to come to an agreement. Maybe your dad already knew what you were doing for him, for you. Maybe he noticed you had more ration cards these days, a spring in your step. You wondered if he cared, if he'd ever try to stop you.

You make your way to the nicer part of the QZ again the next day. You have a free shift and, despite your dad's protests that you should go spend it with friends, you find yourself climbing chipped steps to an empty hallway once more.

You had left the last time with the slick of oil between your cheeks, down your legs, between your thighs. It had taken days to wash off completely. You didn't mind one bit - whenever you moved the slick of it reminding you of him buried in you to the hilt, fucking you half to death in a way you'd never imagined. Embarrassment, shame, you shouldn't like this, melding together and melting away as he pummelled into you from behind. You'd practically rubbed yourself raw thinking about it, but it was never quite enough.

Uncontrollable excitement thrums through you as you approach his door. And, well, you should have known.

Each time you turn up to Joel Miller's door thinking you know what to expect, and each time you're wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. It seems this time is no different.

You hear it before you even get to the door. Raised voices - a man shouting, a girl crying. You hear muffled snippets of the argument - "fuckin' daddy" here, "you're an asshole" there. You don't want to leave, but the sound of it makes you nervous. The unexpected usually hit when you were already trapped inside Joel's apartment, not when you were waiting in the corridor for the door to open.

You decide to turn and leave, you can come back later or another day, your dad can wait. You can wait. But then the door is opening and a topless brunette is rushing out into the hallway, nearly knocking into you in the process. Tears are streaming down her face as she shoves her arms into her t-shirt, hurrying away muttering "asshole" under her breath.

You watch as she leaves, turning your head back to the open door only when you see movement out the corner of your eye.

You'd never seen him like this. White fury burned behind his eyes as he came to slam the door in the girl's wake. He sees you and halts, fingers gripping the wood so tight you think it might splinter.

"Where's your daddy," he snarls at you.

"At home, in bed. He needs-"

"I know what he fuckin' needs. Get in."

He stalks away from the door, leaving it wide open for you to enter. You follow him in. You'd been trapped in here with him before, but it never felt like this. The fear you had before was because of the unknown, the new - he was a strange man in a strange place. Now he was a man you somewhat knew and trusted, yet in this moment you feared him. You were suddenly keenly aware that he could hurt you, really actually hurt you, if he wanted to.

A cupboard door clanks shut, making you jump, then his imposing figure is stomping back over to you. Grabbing your hand, he wretches it open, pushes a pill packet into your palm, and closes it into a fist around the plastic.

"You can see yourself out," he growls before walking away from you, leaving you standing there, confused.

You frown as you look between the pills he'd just given you and him. "But -"

"But fuckin' what," he yells, turning on you. "I gave you what you want, now go."

You're a fucking idiot, poking the already angry bear, but you step forward anyway. "That's not what I want."

He scoffs at you, hands on hips, shaking his head in disbelief. You felt small just because of the size of him usually, but now he was making you feel small in other ways.

"Use me."

"Use you? You want me to use you?"

You shrug your shoulders. "That's what this is, right? You give me what I want, and I give you what you want." He'd said it himself last time, and now here you were using his own words against him.

"And you think using you is what I want?"

You look him straight in the eye, balls bigger than the universe and say, "Yes."

Angry feet drag him to you, toes stopping barely an inch away from your own. He stares down at you, challenging you to look away, but you crane your neck and keep your eyes locked with his.

When he brings one massive hand gently to your neck, holding your gaze, you try not to flinch. Joel notices, fiery gaze briefly softening, he doesn't want you to be scared of him, and allows the cradle of his hand to push against your throat. You feel your pulse thunder beneath his palm just before the pressure releases.

"You got one last hole I ain't tried yet," he murmurs, dragging the rough pad of his thumb up your jaw and across the swell of your bottom lip. You fight not to kiss it, to take it into your mouth and show him how useful you can be.

The hand drags down your body, fingertips pulling at the neckline of your shirt, before he reaches its hem. You think he's going to put a hand up it, feel your bare skin underneath. Instead he bunches the fabric taught against your chest in one fist, yanking you even closer to him, his fist keeping you from falling flush against his torso.

"Take this off," his breath whispers across your face.

Grip loosening on your shirt, you try not to stumble back as you pull your shirt over your head, cheeks heating when you briefly get it caught on your chin. You weren't wearing a bra today, but if he notices he doesn't react.

Fingers tug at your belt loops. "And these."

You unbutton your pants, pulling them down your legs and off your body, taking your shoes with them. You try not to think about if the other girl was this dressed when Joel decided to kick her out.

Joel kicks your clothes away from you, you watch them skid across the floor, pill packet clattering along with them, before turning back, the fire in his eyes back and all softness forgotten.

"On your fuckin' knees."

You thud to your knees and look up at him. He takes a step back, as if he suddenly doesn't trust himself to be close to you. The thought of him actually hurting you crosses your mind again - you wonder if that'd turn you on the same as the other things he does, the things he does to hurt but make you feel good too. Maybe it would. Maybe if he really wanted to you'd let him.

His eyes rake down your body, taking in your bare tits, nipples hardened under the chill of the room, down the swell of your stomach, across the meat of your thighs and to the dampness forming on the front of your panties.

"Want me to use you, huh?" he says, nostrils flaring as his hands flex beside him.

Your eyes flick to his crotch. You'd only been this close to him in your fantasies, but you find you're salivating just as much as you do in your dreams, aching to run your hands across him and really, finally, feel him.

As if reading your mind, his hand caresses across the front of his pants. Where there had been nothing but the soft shape of him before was a growing tent as he hardened before you. "You want this?"

You nod.

He threads a hand through your hair, scratching at your scalp and cradling your head in his palm. He forces your head back further, until you're looking directly up at him.

"You're gonna have to ask nicely for it, sweetheart."

"Please can I have it," you beg, sounding as needy as you feel. You've never needed anything more than you need this. You know he can see it in your face, in the way you lick your lips as you take him in.

He yanks his pants down in an instant, cock bouncing from their confines. He grabs it in his fist, large hand stroking gently up his length to tug at his tip as he grows. It looks huge in his hand, but you know it'd look so much bigger in yours.

You look up at him wide eyed as you watch him stroke himself. A few strokes and he's solid already. For all you've done with him, for how you've had him inside you, you've never seen it this close. Never seen how veins ripple under skin, foreskin moves back with the movement of his hand to reveal his flushed tip, slit beckoning you to taste.

"Please can I have your co- "

The hard length of him collides harshly with the side of your face. Your lips part in a gasp. You stop yourself from chasing it and engulfing it with your mouth. He hasn't said you could, and you're not stepping a toe out of line. He needs you to be good.

"You really want it?" he teases.

You nod frantically. You must look dumb, like one of those nodding dog ornaments from years ago - glassy eyed and head bobbing at just about anything.

"Kiss it." You do, hesitantly placing a gentle kiss to one side of his tip, then the other, before placing an even softer kiss to his slit. There's a thrill knowing you'd never kissed any part of him before, knowing that the first time you'd pressed your lips to him it was to his cock. If anyone ever found out maybe you'd be embarrassed, but here, in this room, all you wanted was more.

Swallowing heavily and lifting his shaft, he pulls your head closer to him. "Kiss 'em. They wanna feel good too, sweetheart."

You place more soft kisses across the delicate skin of his balls, pushing down the temptation to taste him. Your eyes never leave his face, and his never leave yours. He looks so horny he could smash you through a fucking wall, and you don't think you'd mind if he did.

You keep kissing until he pulls your head back. He's started gently stroking himself again, getting himself off as he watched you worship his balls.

"You wanna taste?"

"I wanna taste," you swallow, sinking down as you spread your knees wide to stop the temptation of rubbing your thighs together, desperate for relief he hasn't said you can have.

"Show me how much you want it."

You snap your jaw open for him, eager to taste more than the swipe of cum he'd spread over your lips weeks ago, as he fists his cock gently over your face. He's teasing you with it still when a whine catches in your throat.

Another tug to your hair tilts your head back, but your eyes strain down to look at the bead of cum that's about to drip from the tip of him. He leans over you, cock in hand and your head held in the other. You watch as he spits down into your mouth, saliva cooling as it falls from his mouth to yours, landing cold on your waiting tongue.

"Good girl. So desperate for it. Keep it open." He moves his dripping tip to your mouth before you can react, swiping it across your tongue, mixing his precum with your, and his, saliva.

You hear it before he does - the sound of a key jingling and a lock turning. It startles you, fright springing across your face as he frowns down at you. You keep your mouth open as the door swings open behind you, exposing your naked body to the hallway and whoever has just entered.

"You home, old man?" a familiar voice you can't place calls out, before the very same voice lets out a low whistle when it catches sight of you.

The door is kicked shut, and there's a thud on the table. Joel is still brandishing his cock as he stares daggers over your head at the intruder. Your fucking mouth is open.

"You mind? I'm busy," he says, wiping the tip of his cock over your tongue again. You salivate at the salty taste of him and try to swallow.

Light footsteps head toward where you kneel on the floor before Joel, knees spread, head up, eyes darting between his face and his grip on his cock.

"Well then, hello there pretty girl." You remember that voice.

Finally letting your eyes flick to the side, you see her. Tess. She seems to recognize you at the same time as you do, a smile pulling across her face as your mouth falls slack in shock.

She'd been your fathers dealer before you were handed off one day to a new one. Your dad hadn't given details on why, but you had a feeling you knew. She'd helped you once too, when a few too many sick days had meant too few cards to get by. That had been your first time on your knees for someone at the promise of pills, and at the time you thought it would be your last.

Joel watches as she approaches and looks down at you on your knees. His hand hasn't left his cock, and he's tugging on himself as he watches, another bead of precum you desperately want to lick collecting at his head. He moves his hand from its place in your hair and starts stroking his heavy balls with it as he watches you.

"How's your daddy?" she pouts in mock empathy before addressing Joel, laughing.

"Gotta say, didn't expect this when I handed 'em off to you. Told you the daughter's mouth was good, didn't I?"

"I wouldn't know, I was only just about to find out," he grits out. His hands are still slowly working over himself as he talks to her. You watch as his eyes roam up and down her body, then flick to you down at his feet. Your body heats as you watch him ogle her - you think it may be jealousy until your own eyes trail the same path down her body before resting back on Joel. What difference is there between jealousy and desire, really.

"The first time you get to mess with one, and I get to witness it? Lucky me," she grins as she watches Joel thread a hand back through your hair, drawing your attention back to him completely.

"S'not the first time," he whispers as he pulls you forward, nodding at you to open your mouth once more.

"Then what the fuck have you been doing with her?"

Joel rolls his eyes at her, instead opting to feed the head of his cock into your mouth.

Your mouth engulfs his tip, warm and wet, he sucks in a breath closing his eyes, grip tightening in your hair. You let your tongue swirl around him, feeling the ridge of his head and tasting the bitter sweet salt of his cum on his skin. Your fingers curl into the rough fabric of his pants, anchoring you to him as you bob your head over his tip, circling your tongue over every inch of it.

"Oh fuck, that's right," he moans. "That taste good?"

He looks down as you nod, your moan of confirmation around his cock pulling another groan from his chest as his eyes fall closed again.

"Fuck yeah, it does."

Tess had all but gone from your mind until you hear the tap of shoes on the floor, and feel as she crouches beside you. A soft hand comes to your face, stroking the hollow of your cheek as you suck more of Joel's cock into your mouth.

You feel soft lips press a kiss to that very same hollow, the feeling of being kissed making you sigh. His eyes snap open, he'd been so lost in the feeling of your mouth on him that he hadn't noticed Tess's approach either. Now he was looking down at two women at his feet, eyes burning holes into yours where they fluttered in your head.

She begins nuzzling your hair, your neck, placing soft kisses across your bare skin. You keep your focus on Joel, staring at him with the same intensity he stares at you. Soft hands start to roam up and down your body, squeezing your chest, pinching your nipples, dragging short nails across your stomach, her every move making you shudder.

"Can't say I ever imagined a sweet little thing like you doing this," she whispers into your ear. You can hear the sickly sweet smile in her voice.

You moan into Joel's cock as she touches you, taking yet more of him into your mouth. You want to touch it, hold the heft of it in your hand, but you never have before. You don't know if you're allowed. You inch your hand up his pants to his crotch, stroking the exposed skin at the base of him with your fingertips. The hand in your hair twitches, and you hear a strangled moan from above you.

"Fuuck."

Another shift of your hand and your hand wraps around his thick base, fingertips unable to meet even if you squeezed. Holding him steady, you can finally angle him down so you can draw more of his cock into your mouth. You flick your tongue along his tip again as you swallow around him with a moan.

"That's it. Show me how much you can take."

At the instruction, Tess knocks his hand away from your hair, bringing both of her own to hold either side of your head. She fucks your mouth up and down his length, Joel moaning deep as his hand finds yours on his pants and grips your fingers tightly.

You'd been longing to feel his lips on yours so much that you'd never considered what his hand might feel like on yours. It's the opposite of electric - the heavy heat of his rough hand grounding you, finally, as you take him in in full clarity.

"Shit that's good," he sighs as you're dragged along him by Tess's hands.

"You hear that? He thinks you're doing a good job," Tess says from beside you, pushing your head down to take more of him with a kiss to your cheek.

You start to gag as she pushes you down - it had been so long since you'd done this, and Joel's size wasn't exactly forgiving to the less experienced - but you carry on, moaning again when the welcome distraction of Tess's body pushes against yours.

"Nothin' but a cocksucking slut, huh?" Joel murmurs down to you almost affectionately, moving a stray hair from across your face. Yes you want to say, but it comes out a garbled mess as Tess laughs at you once again.

With another firm push of your head, your mouth slips down and takes Joel even further to the back of your throat. You cough and splutter, trying to push yourself back using your hand against Joel's thick thighs, but Tess holds you down with his cock buried in your throat. Joel's hand grips yours tighter still.

"Don't," he snarls. "If I wanted her chokin' on it I'd fuck her face."

"Maybe I want her to choke on it," Tess counters from beside you with another laugh, but she relents anyway.

You pull back with a gasp and take a gulp of air before kissing the tip of his cock. You don't want to let go of it for a minute. You lick long stripes up his length, collecting the strings of saliva you'd left behind, before encasing him in your mouth once more. If you were anywhere else you'd maybe feel shame at your need for him, and your need to please him, but the heat of their eyes burning into you does nothing but light a fire between your legs.

Tess sees it, moving a hand down from bobbing your head on Joel's cock, down your bare torso and cupping your clothed pussy. Her slender fingers feel so much more delicate compared to Joel's thick calloused ones as they rub over you, your moans muffled by the fullness of the cock in your mouth.

"She's so wet, Joel," you hear her say through Joel's groan and the blood rushing in your ears.

Your hips start to rock into Tess's hand of their own accord, aching to find more friction and finally get some relief. She yanks your panties to the side, using one of her fingers to trace the seam of you before gently tickling your clit. If she could only feel how damp you were before, she could definitely feel the drip of slick from your cunt now.

Slender fingers plunge into you, fucking your desperate hole with force as you work your mouth over Joel's cock. You're left empty for half a second before her fingers are back in you, more this time, stretching you further so suddenly that your legs widen to accommodate the pull of fingers inside you.

"All four fingers, good girl," Tess coos.

"Four?" grunts Joel. Tess nods, laughing, and Joel throws his head back with a groan.

"I bet we could fit a whole hand up here," she says with another kiss to your cheek.

You were naive before to think she wouldn't, couldn't, hurt you the way you thought Joel could. You were wrong, you realized now, as her fingers plunged into you, stretching wide, words taunting in your ear as she forced your head back and forth over Joel's cock.

Her fingers leave your cunt entirely, leaving you empty and gaping. She pulls you off of Joel, replacing his cock in your mouth with her glistening fingers. You clean your own slick from them, moaning at the tang of your own pussy mixing with the flavor of Joel still on your tongue. His eyes never leave you and his hand never gives up its grip on yours.

"You like the taste of pussy, don't you?" Tess whispers in your ear, pushing you back onto Joel.

"Mhm."

"I think we can do something about that," she murmurs. "Can't we Joel." You both look up at him from your knees. He growls, nodding stiffly.

You're being hauled to your feet and pushed to the couch before you know what's going on. The blood rushes to your head and the room spins when you're pushed roughly over the arm, watching as Tess unbuttons her pants and pulls them down her legs.

She lounges back on the other arm of the sofa, spreading her legs and beckoning you to come between them. You ignore the ache in your knees from the hard wood of the floorboards as you crawl over, settling between her soft thighs and looking up at her with parted mouth. You would do anything right now, desperate for any relief from anyone.

Joel has followed behind, watching your ass sway as you crawled to her. Your panties are still skewed to the side, and you know he's looking at the mess of arousal between your legs. Tess may have been the one with her fingers buried in you, but you hope he knows he's just as responsible for your glistening cunt.

"C'mon," he growls, landing a swat to your ass. "Lemme see you eat that pussy."

You stare at Tess's bare cunt, feeling needy in ways you can't even explain, and move to lower your head, eager to taste her again.

She grabs you by the hair before your mouth can touch her.

"No teasing now. You remember what I told you?" You nod. You remembered every fucking part - exactly how she liked to come undone. Sometimes you imagined her doing the same to you.

She pulls your face down toward her cunt, and you stick out your tongue, hungry to taste her. You lick her gently at first, small licks across the swelling of her clit and her flushed lips. You lick further down, parting her folds to taste at her entrance - for all her laughing and teasing, her pussy was as much of a traitor as yours when exposed like this. She was dripping.

Joel's rough hands pull your ass toward him, dragging your panties down to your knees, hobbling you. The couch dips and creaks behind you as he brings a foot up to better line up with your hole. The wetness of his cock slides through your slick folds once, twice, then notches the tip at your entrance before he pushes in in one, sheathing himself completely in the heat of your body. You moan and gasp around Tess's clit, never stopping the movement of your tongue.

"Not sure she can handle it," she half chuckles, half moans.

"She can," grits out Joel. "S'taken worse." He slides out and punches all the way back in again, the feeling of his hips snapping against your ass so much less overwhelming when his cock was in your pussy and not your ass. You try desperately to keep up the movements of your mouth, wanting to feel Tess come undone at your hands, but blocking out Joel entirely is impossible with the distracting pound of his cock into you.

Tess grabs more of your hair, pulling it away from your neck and giving him a better view of you and her cunt.

"Fuck yeah, sweetheart," he groans now that he can see more clearly. "Lick that pussy."

"Been a while since you had multiple girls over, huh?" Tess taunts, throwing her head back before Joel can reply.

He nods, pulling your hips back into his as he thrusts forward. "Too fuckin' long." He groans again, meaty hands gripping your ass cheeks hard and pulling you apart at the seams as he pounds into you.

You slip a finger into her wet heat, curling it upwards as you feel inside of her. She's as slick as you, and you wonder if she's ever taken Joel as you have. The thought makes you moan again, just as Joel picks up the pace of his thrusts, slamming into you so hard your mouth jerks over Tess's cunt.

You try to steady yourself, fluttering your tongue flutters over Tess's clit, circling and suckling it into your mouth. You ignore the sensation building inside you as Joel's balls smack against your neglected clit each time he buries himself in you. It's too many feelings, too many sensations all at once.

Joel's hips stutter as he slams his cock into you, chasing his own release, already so close after you'd had him in your mouth for so long. Even closer from watching Tess tease you with her fingers buried in your needy cunt, watching your tongue lathe over hers.

You hear a strangled "Fuck" before he slams his hips forward again, slick cock slipping deep inside you as he floods your pussy with warm, wet cum. You moan into Tess's clit as you feel yourself heat from the inside out.

"Shit. Shit," he sighs from behind you. You want to turn to look at the fucked out look on his face. You nearly do.

"Don't stop, almost there," pants Tess, almost begging you with your face still buried in her wet heat, lapping at her clit with a finger curled inside her. "Pretty girl, almost there," she croons, stroking your hair and rocking into your face.

Gentle circles on her clit turn firmer, more rapid, and the hand in your hair grips you tighter as you pull her release from her. She grinds against your face, pussy throbbing as you lick her pulsing clit through her orgasm.

That same hand yanks you back a moment later, too sensitive to continue, before she relaxes back into the couch with a sigh.

"She's good, Joel," she breathes, a hand idly stroking your hair. You hear Joel grunt in agreement from behind you, his hands still holding onto your ass, and your cheeks heat with the praise.

He moves away, pulling his cock from where it had softened inside you, watching as a small trickle of cum escapes to drip down to your neglected clit.

"Looks like you earned your meds today," Tess laughs, patting your cheek, before standing to pull her pants back on without another word to you.

Still on your hands and knees on the couch, you watch her approach Joel, kissing him on the side of the mouth as he stares, breathing deeply, at your ass. His cum is still dribbling out of you. You flip to sit back on your ass, trying to stop its escape making too much of a mess on his furniture.

She whispers something into his ear, moves to the door, looks at you with a smirk one last time before opening it and leaving.

The door snaps shut, and she's gone.

As soon as the door closes he's on you again, pushing you back down into the couch with a growl. The air is knocked out of you as your back thuds down and he hoists your legs back, folding you in two.

Holding you down and open, the wetness of his mouth engulfs your pussy, slurping your clit into his mouth.

He's devouring you, eagerly eating all of his cum out your hole and cleaning you of his creamy spend.

You moan and twitch beneath him, having spent the last fuck knows how long with your mouth full but the desperate need in your pussy neglected. You'd hoped he could fuck an orgasm out of you, but as soon as the pressure of his cock in you had gotten good, the slap of his balls against your clit hard enough to send a thrill through you, he'd stuttered to a stop, leaving you with an aching pussy and nothing to show for it.

A strong arm pins you down, keeping your legs back, feet in the air. Two of his thick fingers thrust into you, before he pulls them out, licking them clean, then he plunges three straight back in, stretching you more than Tess's four ever had and making you whine, high pitched and needy, for more.

You're so close, so near to falling over the edge, but his desperate licks are too desperate, not focussed enough on your oversensitive pussy, too frantic. You feel like you've been edged for hours, but your clit has barely been touched until now. It's been left starving, aching for attention.

"Joel!" you ground out desperately, looking between your thrown back legs where he feasts on you. His eyes catch you, catch the desperation, the need, and he slows down, honing in on your clit, lapping in steady circles, fingers pumping deeply.

Your toes curl, tears come to your eyes and your bottom lip quivers. You nod at him. He's found it. Exactly what you need, the exact spot. He's relentless now, his tongue moving over, and over, and over as his eyes lock with yours.

"Ohhhnnnnng."

"That's it," you feel him mumble into your clit. "Good girl."

And you're cascading over the edge, into a pit of white heat, different but similar to the one in his eyes when you first saw him today. You shudder and jerk, his tongue flicking over your sensitive bud drawing wave after wave out of you as your pussy spasms around his fingers, gripping them tight and tethering you down as you writhe.

You twitch with oversensitivity and Joel finally stops, tongue leaving your clit, lips pressing firmly to your mound instead as he breathes you in. Your body heaves and you sink further into the couch, stomach muscles finally letting you unfurl from where you'd chased your orgasm so desperately.

"Fuck," he groans so close you can feel his lips move on your skin. All you can do is nod weakly in response. "You okay?" You nod again, not trusting your voice and still not entirely sure you're conscious.

His thick fingers pull from you, leaving you empty, and his hands gently guide your legs down to rest on the couch. Blood is still pounding through your ears, but you hear and feel it... the air that Joel's fingers had pumped into you chooses that moment to escape in one humiliating gust.

Your face drops with embarrassment, and you hear Joel laugh from between your legs.

"Sign of a job done good," he laughs, kissing down onto your pussy, tongue gently swiping along your sensitive clit again. You try to wiggle away, letting out another rumble, fucking fuck, and immediately still as Joel laughs more.

"You done?" he says into your cunt, spreading you slightly to look at your spent hole then to you. "I think she's good." He kisses your clit once more and sits back, stretching his back out on the sofa with his arms behind his head.

You both sit there in silence, recovering your breath and coming back down to earth. Your knees knock together as your legs relax. You close your eyes, breathing deeply, and let the chill of the room cool your sweaty body and the heat of embarrassment from your cheeks.

Much sooner than you'd like, you feel Joel start to move.

"I ain't mad at you, y'know," he says softly as he tucks his cock back into his pants. "Was never mad at you. Just mad."

You knew that already, but hearing him say it still made you feel better. It made you feel like you'd done the right thing, that you hadn't pulled him into something he didn't want. You were justified, you were right. He wanted, needed, to use you as much as you needed to be used.

"You should get goin'," he moves to stand as he speaks, walking away from the couch and from you.

"But -"

He shuts you up with a single look. You sit up wordlessly, casting your eyes down. He was right - what exactly would you even be staying for, really, other than because some part of you wanted to.

You dress in silence, panties still around your knees pulled up, clothes thrown on haphazardly, pills stuffed into an empty pocket. Joel doesn't watch this time, instead he rifles through the box left by Tess. You never see into it, but you watch his profile shift and change as he reacts to what she left for him.

You move closer to the table, making way to leave his apartment without another word, when he's closing the box and speaking.

"I've had a vasectomy," he says pointing to your now covered crotch. "So, y'know... should be fine."

"Oh." You hadn't even thought about it. You didn't even care. "You... you could've done that in my mouth too. I wouldn't have minded."

"Your mouth was occupied," he smirks with a shrug. "Besides, if I wanted to, I would've."

He gestures for you to leave, so you do, Joel following you to the door as you go. You open it yourself, just as Tess had, and walk out. You don't have time to finish saying thank you before the door is shut behind you, leaving you alone in the corridor yet again. You make your way home in silence.

You dream that night of soft lips on your cheek, softer hands roaming your body. The softness morphs and distorts, growing larger and more ragged. Rough hands drag along you, and the scruff of a beard scratches your face as a kiss too delicate to be real comes impossibly close to your mouth.

You wake in a sweat, heat pulsing through your veins and your cunt throbbing between your legs.

You'd come in your sleep to nothing but desperate thoughts of a kiss you'd never had.

next part

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redrose10 · 11 months ago

Text

Chapter 4

Here it is! I was nervous to put this out here so I hope it lives up. Yoongi realizes some things in this one but it might be a little too late. Chapter 5 should be out within a few days!

Yoongi X Female Reader. CEO/Arranged Marriage AU

Summary: You were selected to marry the wayward CEO/Billionaire/Heir, Min Yoongi. You went into it with an open mind and heart determined to try and make it work. Yoongi on the other hand had no intention of ever letting you in let alone allowing himself to fall in love with you. Slowly you start to associate the smell of cinnamon and vanilla with the feelings of hurt and sorrow.

Word Count: 3,404

Warnings: (May get updated as chapters progress): Arranged marriage, cheating/infidelity, hints of smut (Probably won’t get very explicit but we’ll see how it goes), Sexual Assault, Brief mentions of death, Reader grew up an orphan, General Angst, Swearing

Waking up with a long stretch you were more than surprised to wake up in your hotel bed. The last thing you remembered was falling asleep on the beach but you have no memory at all of walking back to the room. You figured that hotel security probably found you and thought you were just a drunk so they brought you back to the room after finding your room key on you.

Looking over to the empty space next to you memories from the night before came flooding back to you. The delicious dinner you had and the joyous company of the waiter Hoseok. The sight of Yoongi and the brunette that was all over him. How he lied and called you his sister instead of his wife. How you felt lonely and betrayed and you just wanted to wish everything of the past couple months away.

Suddenly as if your brain finally caught up you realized you were sleeping in the same bed that Yoongi and that woman most likely hooked up in and that caused your skin to crawl. You jumped out of bed like something bit you tripping over your suitcase in the process and landing on the ground with a loud thud. You’d never been so happy for a vacation to end before. Getting in the shower you scrubbed your skin so hard you’re pretty sure you did damage but you wanted to scrub until you no longer felt dirty. After packing up your few belongings you walked out to the living room of your suite. Yoongi was already sitting at the dining table. You scanned his body for any new marks but nothing was visible even with the v neck tshirt he was wearing that caused you to internally scold yourself for staring at him a little too long. When he finally noticed you standing there he pointed to the seat across from him,

“It’s a chai tea. Jimin said you don’t really like coffee so I didn’t know what else to get.“

Sitting down at the table you noticed that the selection of food was all of your favorites. Chocolate chip muffins, a bacon croissant sandwich, crispy potato hash, strawberries, pineapple, a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice. Yoongi cleared his throat, “Jimin also told me some of your favorite foods so I had them bring what they could.” Unable to hide the shy smile nodded before taking a bite.

“Umm do you know when or how I got back to the room last night? I don’t remember walking back so I wanted to go thank whomever brought me here?”, you awkwardly chuckled trying to break the silence but also piece together last night. He took another sip of his coffee, “Yeah actually I carried you back to the room and put you in the bed.” His statement caused you to choke on the strawberry you had just popped in your mouth, “I’m sorry you did what?”

He repeated, “I saw you laying on the beach so I went down and brought you back and put you in the bed.” You looked at him with wide eyes, words escaping you. You ate another strawberry trying to stuff your mouth before saying something you’d regret.

“Why is your skin so red? It looks like you washed yourself with sandpaper?”, he asked looking you over.

“Oh when I woke up in the bed I felt kind of gross, you know since you hooked up with some woman in there, and I’m sure the sheets weren’t changed afterwards. Guess I got a little carried away.”

Yoongi nodded before taking another sip of coffee, “I didn’t hook up with her.”

You laughed, “Come on Yoongi. I saw the two of you. If you didn’t hook up then what did you do with her in here? I know you guys didn’t play a game unless it included clothes coming off.”

“I told her to leave.”

“What?”

“I told her to leave.”

“I know I heard you the first time but why?”

He returned back to his bagel without a word and you rolled your eyes, “Okay fine. Don’t tell me. I don’t really care at this point anyways.”

Yoongi let out a long deep sigh, “After a while I realized that you didn’t come in the room with us. I didn’t know where you’d be able to go at that time of the night and I didn’t think it was a good idea for you to be wandering around by yourself so I told the woman that we should continue somewhere else and that I’d book us another room so you could come back to the room. So when I went to grab my wallet on the table next to the balcony I saw you laying out on the beach. It looked like you were sleeping and I didn’t want you to stay out there like that because it was late and it’s dangerous and you might get eaten by a crab or something so I told her that we were done and that she needed to leave. I walked down to the beach to bring you back. I was gonna wake you up but you looked really comfy so I just carried you here and put you in the bed and went to sleep myself.”

You were dumbfounded at his story. Your face was full of disbelief. Taking a bite of your muffin you nodded, “Oh well uh thank you for bringing me back.”

He nodded.

“Also if there was a crab out there big enough to eat me I think we’d have some major problems.”

He rolled his eyes before he walked off to the bathroom trying to hide the blush creeping down his neck. You continued to eat but confusion plagued your mind. You just can’t figure him out. One minute he’s hooking up with some random woman on your honeymoon and the next he’s going out of his way for you and trying to be kind, almost seeming kind of protective. You really weren’t sure what to make of him but you wished he would just make up his mind because you’re starting to get whiplash from the back and forth.

The flight back home was uneventful. The two of you sat in comfortable silence other than the occasional statement. Yoongi sipped on a whiskey and you even decided to get wild and sip on some champagne.

The car pulled up to an extravagant looking building confusing you as to where you were and then it hit you. You had to move into Yoongi’s place and of course he lived in the most luxurious building in the whole country. You thought spending a week in the same hotel room was awkward so you had no clue how living together was going to go but part of you hoped that maybe the two of you can finally work on some things in your relationship.

Once in Yoongi’s penthouse he gave you a very brief tour. The home was incredible. Jimins apartment was nice but didn’t compare to the penthouse. Floor to ceiling windows that looked out over the city. All the furniture appears to be high end and high quality. You’re pretty sure your entire apartment back home could’ve fit in the kitchen alone.

Thankfully Jimin was able help you coordinate with the movers to have your stuff shipped over. You didn’t have to bring much since Yoongi already had a fully furnished home. You just brought some clothes and a few sentimental items.

“My office is the third door on the right. If I work from home I’ll be in there but please keep interruptions to a minimum and only if necessary. My bedroom is the second door on the left. Don’t go in there. Your room is right here.”, he said opening the door. You were thoroughly confused. “Wait we have separate bedrooms?” Yoongi sighed irritation evident again, “I have the space so I figured why should we have to share a room. This way we can stay out of each others way.”

When you saw his eyebrow move up you knew what he meant by that. You sat on the edge of the bed staring down at the floor. Sure it was a nice room and bigger than any room you’d ever had before with it even having a private bathroom. But that didn’t stop the loneliness and hurt that you felt. You were more like a roommate or even worse, a nuisance that that he just wanted to shove away so he didn’t have to look at you.

That thought made you chuckle though, “Good thing you don’t have any staircases in this place or I’d be stuck sleeping under there I guess.”

Yoongi looked at you with eyebrows furrowed.

“What you’ve never seen Harry Potter before?”

“Do I seem like the kind of guy that watches Harry Potter?”

“I guess not but you sure have a lot in common with a certain he who shall not be named.”

“What are talking about?”

“Nothing never mind.”

Yoongi noticed your change in demeanor. Stuffing this hands into his pockets he spoke, “You’re welcome to paint or decorate the room however you want.” You met him with continued silence. He continued, “I have to go into the office to catch up on things. I ordered some groceries to be delivered later. Jimin told me about you liking to have a mug of warm milk before bed and I was out so that’ll be here later along with some other things for you.” You nodded in acknowledgment whispering a thank you before he turned and shut the door behind him.

Due to your small amount of belongings you were unpacked in no time. Luckily you just put your last piece of clothing away when the doorbell rang signaling the grocery order arrived. Taking the bags from the delivery driver and thanking him profusely you set to work putting everything away while also familiarizing yourself with the kitchen. As you pulled out the groceries you chuckled a little more each time. There was the milk just like Yoongi had promised. There was also a large package of chocolate chip muffins, multiple containers of strawberries, your favorite ramen, some cookies, a box of popcorn, and cookie dough ice cream. All of your favorites. You made a mental note to thank Jimin and maybe also send a thank you to Yoongi depending on how he was acting later.

Over the next few weeks things between Yoongi and yourself didn’t improve much. The two of you barely spoke other than the occasional question or statement and that was if you even saw each other at all. You spent most of your time in your bedroom while he claimed to be at the office or other work functions. The one time you did venture out and sat in the living room your movie was interrupted when Yoongi came strolling in with a woman in each arm heading towards his bedroom after giving you a quick nod like you were just one of his friends who he was trying to brag to about his “score”. Suddenly not feeling so well you turned off the tv and got in bed. It didn’t take long to hear moans and a headboard banging against the wall from down the hallway so you grabbed your headphones hoping to block out the sound and fall asleep as quickly as you could.

The next morning Yoongi and his new friends were long gone by the time you got up. You set out on checking off some things on your to do list that you created. One thing you wanted to work on was learning Korean. You knew a few phrases thanks to Jimin but now that you were living in Korea you thought it would be a good idea to get to know the language in a proficient way so you started calling around to different companies trying to find someone to give you lessons.

That’s how a few weeks later you were sitting at your kitchen table with the teacher the company you chose had sent you. Kim Namjoon was a handsome man no doubt about it. He was tall with broad shoulders. The cutest dimples you’d ever seen. His glasses framed his face perfectly and they looked great with his caramel colored hair. His cologne the complete opposite of Yoongi’s cinnamon and vanilla scent. Namjoon smelled light and citrusy. It was clean and refreshing and somehow managed to take the stress away from you. The way he spoke was so elegant. It was nice being able to have a full conversation with someone. You loved Jimin but you guys mostly just goofed off and went on rants to each other and trying to have a conversation with Yoongi was like pulling teeth. You hadn’t realized just how lonely you were before Namjoon came into your life. This was only your fifth session and you found yourself really excited that you were getting to spend some time with him again.

“I don’t know Y/N. How will baking cookies help you learn a language?”, he sighed trying mask his playfulness. You giggled, “Well I could learn all the names for the ingredients and I can try to give YOU the instructions in Korean while you make the cookies.” He sat there and pondered before you continued, “Come on Joonie. Back home I’m famous for my double chocolate chip cookies and I know you can’t say no to chocolate.” Finally he ran a hand through his hair, “Alright but you have to tell me each step in Korean.” Excitedly you jumped up running around to collect the ingredients.

Watching Namjoon try to make cookies was one of the funniest things you’ve ever witnessed. He told you he had no business being in the kitchen but you didn’t think it was this bad. He was currently trying to mix in the flour to the chocolate batter and you couldn’t stop laughing as you watched half the flour fall onto the counter which covered him in a puff of white smoke.

“Here Namjoon let me help you.”, you said placing your hand on his much larger one so you could guide his movements to slowly mix in the flour. You looked up to see him smiling down at you dimples on full display. His lips looked soft and warm. The thought of kissing him definitely crossed your mind. Yoongi hadn’t kissed you since your wedding day and the most physical he’s got with you was carrying you to the room from the beach and to be honest you wouldn’t let him touch you anyways without seeing some test results first to make sure he didn’t pick up anything along the way. The ring on your finger caught your eye before you could act on your thoughts. Yoongi may be an insufferable adulterer but that didn’t mean you had to be one too. Two wrongs don’t make a right in your book but damn if Namjoon wasn’t making you think about doing all the wrongs regardless of the rights.

You were so focused on trying to explain to Namjoon how to add the chocolate chips in Korean that neither of you noticed Yoongi walk in. He watched you gently grasp Namjoon’s hand while smiling up at him. You looked so cute in your daisy printed apron. Namjoon said something that made you burst into a fit of laughter. Yoongi felt a pain in his chest. He had never heard you laugh like that before. You looked so happy with Namjoon. He knew that was all his fault so he didn’t understand where this jealous feeling was coming from and why his brain and heart were betraying him.

He watched you reach up to wipe away some of the chocolate that had gotten onto Namjoon’s cheek. The two of you definitely sharing a moment and Yoongi felt his heart rate increase. He quickly pushed that feeling aside as he had no right. He had slept with multiple women since you got married and he was the one that told you that you were welcome to see other people so if you took Namjoon to your bedroom right now he had nothing to say.

He thought back to that night he carried you back from the beach. You looked so adorable with your lips slightly parted, your skin a beautiful hue of pink thanks to the sun, the way you wrapped your arms around his neck nuzzling your face into his shoulder. At that moment on the beach he realized how harsh he had been and that you didn’t deserve any of it. It’s not your fault that at 19 years old another woman ripped his heart out and stomped on it and then lit it on fire and he decided he’d never allow himself to go through that ever again instead choosing to be the breaker of hearts. The night after he carried you to the hotel while laying in the bed next to you he made a decision that he’d change if not for him then at least for you. Obviously, he failed once he returned to Seoul and he was introduced to the two female interns that he brought back home while you sat innocently watching a movie waiting for him. He knew he was a coward. He was too scared of getting his heart broken again that he decided to continuously break yours and now it looks like you found someone to help mend it and who was he to take that away from you. Deciding he saw enough he rushed off to his bedroom before you could find him standing there.

Once the cookies were baked and cooled you packaged most of them up before handing the box to Namjoon.

“Here take these. There’s no way I’m going to eat them all.”

He smiled but shook his head, “What about Yoongi? I’m sure he’d love to have some of these. I don’t want to take them all.”

You chuckled, “Yoongi never eats anything I cook. He’s probably worried I’ll try and poison him or something so I could get out of this marriage.”

Namjoon laughed at your joke and then confirmed again he was okay to take all the cookies before thanking you and heading out the door. You did a quick clean up of the kitchen before heating up a mug of warm milk and grabbing the two cookies you had saved and headed off to your room for the evening after shutting off the light.

Later that night you woke up hearing a loud bang come from the kitchen. It sounded just like a cabinet closing so you assumed it was Yoongi making himself something to eat. Not being concerned you turned over and went right back to sleep.

Yoongi however, had checked every cabinet and drawer looking for the cookies you made. He always snuck little tastes of your food in the middle of the night when you weren’t there even though you always offered him food each time. Part of him being too stubborn and not wanting to give you the satisfaction of eating the food you cooked and another part of him just felt like he didn’t deserve your food and was too embarrassed to eat it in front of you. He had heard all about your famous cookies from Jimin and he was really looking forward to trying one when he saw you and Namjoon baking them. Giving up he turned to shut off the light and that’s when a little baggy on the counter caught his eye. Inside a perfect looking double chocolate chip cookie with a stick note attached to the bag saying ‘Yoongi’. He took one bite and was in heaven. He thought back to you and Namjoon looking so happy together. Like a real couple. How you smiled and gently touched him. How Namjoon made you laugh. Yoongi finished off the cookie but he was no longer enthralled by the chocolate goodness. Suddenly the cookie tasted like a mix of heaven with a pinch of jealousy and a dash of regret.

#bts #yoongi fanfic #yoongi x reader #yoongi angst #min yoongi #bts fanfic #yoongi fic #bts yoongi #yoongi x y/n #yoongi #arranged marriage au #ceo au #yoongi au #cinnamon&vanilla #namjoon #bts fic #bts x reader

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downbadf0rficppl · 11 months ago

Text

i didn't mean to love you so much

Poe Dameron x F!Reader

Summary: You don't know what you have until it's gone. Or is it?

Word Count: 6.0K

Repost

It took 3 days to arrive on D'Qar.

The Naboo N-1 Starfighter that you stole from the junkyard on Bracca was one wrong move away from falling out of the sky. Even with your constant mid-flight repairs, only prayers to the Maker were keeping her together. The BB unit you found kept you posted with constant, and frankly worrying, updates on how the ship was holding. Let's just say the plane was soon to be out of use.

When you entered the atmosphere in D'Qar, the landing gear erupted into flames, eliciting a series of explicit beeps from the BB unit. If not for the life-or-death in front of you, you would have burst into a fit of giggles.

Instead, you just grit your teeth: "Happy beeps, bud."

You and the BB unit left the carnage that used to be a starfighter flaming in the trees, bickering the whole time, and heading towards the Resistance Base. Towards new beginnings. Towards freedom.

Bracca was a junkyard, where scavengers and smugglers looked for parts to sell to the highest bidder. It was dark and dangerous at the best of times, and work was never-ending. It wasn't the kind of place you would want to grow up, but it was better than Kessel. Anything was better than Kessel.

It took a week to get to the Rebel base. Your head throbbed painfully with each passing day, with hardly any food in your system and little water to quench your thirst, the journey to salvation seemed almost unattainable. You had thanked the Maker for rain when it first came, but after 4 days of non-stop rain, you had cursed the skies for it. It only seemed to fall harder.

By day 5, the BB unit was running out of power, its movements slower than before. It was far too heavy for you to carry and without it, you would never reach the Resistance base. There were no sarcastic quips or complaints for its master anymore. No, the two of you traveled in silence, aside from the odd groan from either one of you. Its tiredness mimicked your own. You could only pray that the base would come into view soon. You weren't sure how much longer you would last.

When the planes came into view, you almost cried with joy. With newfound energy, you and the BB unit near-ran the way to the tarmac runway that signaled life on this dratted planet.

And while the BB unit was welcomed with cheers and open arms, you weren't so lucky.

You were marched to the medical bay by two men almost twice your size, flanked on the left and the right so you couldn't run if you tried. Your heartbeat in your throat. Of course, the resistance had to be careful, but surely this was excessive.

After you received treatment for your assortment of cuts and burns, you were delivered to a small room, adorned with only a bed and curtains to block out the light. Before you could say anything, let alone protest, the doors shut, leaving you alone in a small cell deep in the heart of the Resistance base.

As terrifying as the whole situation was, when you laid your head to rest on the bed in the dingy room, sleep came. It beat thorns and nettles on the forest floor of D'Qar. It beat sitting upright for 3 days, trying to avoid meteors and Tie Fighters. It beat restless nights on Bracca, hoping to gather enough for a meal. Sleep came to you better than it ever had before, and you reveled in it.

You woke up to familiar beeping outside the large metal door.

"BB-3?" Your voice came out as a hoarse whisper. The beeping got louder, almost unbearably loud, "Calm down, bud. I don't know how to open the door."

"Step back." A male voice came from behind the door, startling you. You stumbled backward, falling on the floor as the whooshed open. A tall man stood there, and if he were surprised you were on the floor, he didn't show it.

You scrambled to your feet, brushing the dust off your clothes as BB-3 rolled in, circling around you like a vulture would his prey. The man stood there observing you and the droid got reacquainted, before clearing his throat.

"Vice Admiral Holdo would like to speak with you." His tone was authoritative. You didn't want to be on his bad side. He led you toward an office on the opposite side of the building, your legs shaking as you walked. He shot you a pitying glance as BB-3 followed at your heels, before returning his face to its emotionless expression. You hated it.

It must have been early, as only a few people were up, and those who were seemed to want to rather be asleep. But no one batted an eye your way, despite the grime you still felt clinging to your face, and the ripped clothes you were wearing. You wondered if this was normal to them. People coming home grimy, hurt, and disgusting.

Only one man seemed to notice you on your journey.

"Snap!" A voice called out to you. The man in front of you - presumably Snap - broke into a huge grin. "Long time, no see, buddy!" Snap clapped the other man on the back, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

You stood there as the other man regaled the story of whatever mission he'd been on to Snap, and for a moment, you thought you were forgotten.

Until he turned. His eyes seemed to scorch your soul with their searching gaze. It was heavy, but you felt safe under it. Almost as if you knew that he would do nothing to hurt you.

"Heard all about how this one came in yesterday." He stretched out his hand, "Captain Poe Dameron. Pleasure to meet you."

You shook his hand and returned the favour, telling you his name. He tested it on his tongue, repeating a few times. Once he seemed satisfied, Poe turned back to Snap.

"How come you got stuck on babysitting duty?" He asked, mirth dancing in his eyes. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes or butt in - you wanted these people to like you. Sarcasm could be saved for later.

"Kid brought back my droid."

"BB-8 told me the story. Something about running from a resistance fighter, blowing up a depot train," you kick BB-3 gently, "and exploding an N-1. It was impossible. Maybe you should get your droid checked for gossiping?" Snap punched him in the arm, "Hey, it was just a suggestion." Poe grinned widely, "Oh, and the shootout. How could I forget the shootout?"

"It wasn't a shootout." You slapped your hand to your mouth. You hadn't meant to say that out loud. So much for saving the sarcasm for later.

Poe turns to look at you. "Oh?" his grin infuriatingly wide. "That's not what the droid said."

"It wasn't a shootout, we were shot at." Your confidence floods back into you. "And the depot train wasn't us. Wrong place, wrong time. Am I right, bud?" You glare down at the BB-unit.

He mumbles something about ruining a good story before whirring off to stop behind Snap. Stupid BB-unit.

"Guess you're more interesting than I gave you credit for kid." Snap stepped towards you, hand coming to rest on your shoulder. "The name's Temmin, Temmin Wexley. But everyone calls me Snap."

"Pleasure to meet you Snap," you echo Poe's words from earlier.

Your meeting with the Vice Admiral went well. She believed your story, well corroborated by both BB-3 and the bounty on your head placed by a well-meaning neighbour. She cleared you to start training with the resistance, though you surprised both her and Snap when you asked to be a mechanic.

Though when you started working on ships, it was clear to see why. It was almost like there was a secret language that ships spoke that only you seemed to understand. You scoffed at that. Beginner's luck you called it. Still, there was no denying that you loved working on the ships and that you were good at it too.

Months went by and you settled into the routines of the Resistance. You were given a room closer to the other mechanics, who, despite the constant tension of competition, seemed to like you well enough. You often sat with them for meals, although passing up on opportunities to spend more time with them. They seemed content with that. You got used to the early morning wake-up calls when the sun streamed through the window and urgent repairs needed to be made. You learned to enjoy the quiet evenings when everyone else had closed up shop and you could finetune repairs for those who needed it. You finally felt like you had a purpose. It was freeing.

Snap kept you up-to-date on the comings and goings of the First Order - never in much detail of course, but enough to satiate your desire to know more. In return you smuggled him extra jogan fruitcake when it was served while he was away. Sometimes, in thanks for saving your life, you made extra updates and repairs to his X-Wing when he came back from long missions - more often than not to save his those extra hours of tedious work.

Black Squadron had come home after a week long mission the night before. You had worked late into the night the day before, and you were now regretting it. Blue squadron had come into contact with a few Tie Fighters on night patrol, and the damage was hair-pullingly extensive. You were in for a long day. It didn't help that you could barely keep your eyes open, hands glued to a cup of Caf that was doing little for the tiredness clouding your brain. You didn't even notice Snap come storming in.

"WHO WORKED ON MY SHIP LAST NIGHT?" He yelled over all the mechanics. Shit.

You had done some basic repairs for him the evening before last and had spent the better part of last night finishing up repairs and repainting his ship. You knew how pilots were with ship paint. Maker, you were screwed.

After a few moments of silence, you decided it was better to own up than let everyone suffer. "I did, Wexley."

He slowly turned towards you, before grabbing you and pulling you into a bone-crushing hug, lifting your feet off the ground. You were shocked. He was happy - no, elated. The rest of the mechanics, equally as confused as you, turned back to their work, ignoring the scene in front of them.

He still had you gripped tightly when Poe walked in. "Easy tiger, you'll kill the greenie. What did she do to deserve your wrath?"

"My wrath?! No, no, no, Poe. This kid is my new favorite person on base."

"I'll try not to take offense to that," Poe grumbled jokingly, "What did she do to deserve such high praise then?"

"Have you seen my ship? She's beautiful, more beautiful than Jess that one time." He started, about to regale a story, you did not need to know. You elbowed him hard in the ribs.

"My sentiment exactly," Poe said to you, giving you a fist bump before walking over to Snap's X-Wing, closely followed by Snap himself. You trailed behind them, still unsure of what was going on. Poe dragged his finger across the paintwork, "He has a point though. I've never seen Snap's X-Wing look this good." Poe turned towards you, his warm brown eyes sparkling with pride. "Good job, Greenie."

You smiled gently, before turning away. It was high praise from Captain Poe Dameron, flyboy of the resistance.

"Maybe I'll snap her up, you know, give her a real ship to work on?" Poe said, his flirting tone making an odd double entendre that made your face light up in flames.

"Not a chance. Kid, you're my new mechanic. Officially."

"What if I don't want to be?" You countered, your sarcastic tone making both Snap and Poe burst into laughter.

You accepted the role though. There was no world in which you didn't. You enjoyed the perks of being Snap's favored Mechanic - you could sleep in more often, you were privy to more information than the average mechanic. He would tell you if he was to leave the base soon, you were often told just how bad a situation was. Snap trusted you. And if Snap did, so did the others.

'The others' being the other pilots on Black Squadron: Jessika Pava, Karé Kun, L'ulo L'ampar. And of course, Poe Dameron. It was almost like you couldn't escape him. His infectious laugh, his boyish grin, his boisterous personality. His ability to make even the most mundane task into a story for the ages.

No wonder he was so popular.

You began to sit with them in the cantina and you frequently ended up leading the repairs on Black Squadron, no one else being as trusted as you. You opened up to them slowly, telling them about growing up on Kessel and being brought to the Scrapper’s guild on Kessel. You told them the truth about your escape - Poe ended up on the floor laughing, saying “the real story’s so much better, BB-3”. They found out about your impeccable aim after a fun night in the cantina that ended in a tense game of holodarts. They became your family - more of a family you had ever had in your life.

And while, you saw Snap, L’ulo and Karé as your brothers, you could not say the same for Poe. Poe was a flirt, everyone knew that. But as you got closer and closer, it was harder to ignore the way you're heart sped up when he looked at you. How you're palms grew clammy when he smiled in your direction. How his praises and compliments made your knees weak. God you were in love with him.

You knew that half the women on the base had either slept with him or wanted to, and yet not one of them got even a second of his time. None of them except you. Poe would walk you to your room in the evening, and to the cantina in the morning, regaling stories of his adventures before he knew you. He’d bring you caf when you were working late, and sit under the stars with you at the end of a long day. He’d tell you stories of Yavin 4 and his mother. He showed you the ring that hung on the end of his necklace.

“I want to give it to the one, you know?”

“Don’t get all sentimental on me, Captain.”

He groaned, “Don’t rank me.” You just smiled.

“So, no lucky lady in your life, Dameron?”

“No lucky man in yours, greenie?”

You scoffed, “If there was ever a chance, they’ve all been scared away by you.”

“Good.”

You laughed it off, but inside your guts twisted at the idea that Poe was happy you were single. Your insides warmed at the idea that he might just feel the same.

The next morning, you walked out of your room to the sight of Poe sneaking out of the room opposite yours. Half-naked. His eyes widened at the sight of you, and your hand quickly hid your eyes from the view. Your heart dropped. He lied to you.

Poe sought you out later on in the day. He came up behind you on the landing deck, with a cool glass of jogan juice in hand. You had stripped out of your mechanics jumsuit, the arms tied loosely around your waist. Your tank top was almost a shade darker with the sweat of exertion and ridiculous heat. And yet you declined it, your face barely concealing your childlike annoyance. You knew it was stupid. You and Poe were barely friends, let alone anything that would justify your anger.

“I’m sorry.” Poe huffed, still standing underneath you in the beating sunshine. You were surprised: Poe Dameron never apologises.

“For what?” You said, your back still facing him. He sighed - he didn’t like it when anyone was annoyed at him. Least of all you.

“For this morning.”

“Why does it matter, Poe? You can sleep with who you want to.” You said, anger colouring your voice.

“It matters,” he yells, “because it upset you. Because, for whatever reason, the idea of me sleeping with other people, made you mad at me.”

His obliviousness tugged at your heartstrings, as if to say ‘he doesn’t feel the same’.“I’m not mad that you’re sleeping with other people.”

“Then why are you ignoring me?”

“Because you lied to me, Poe.” You say, dropping down from the ladder, sweat dripping down your back.

“What are you talking about?”

“You said there was no one special in your life.”

“There isn’t.” You raise a brow, before grabbing the glass of jogan juice from his hand. “Just because we had fun for a night, doesn’t mean I’m getting down on one knee.”

“I think you’ve done it enough times for that to be proven, Poe.”

His cheeky smile returned, “Glad we’re back on first name terms.”

You shook your head at him, “For the record, if I ever catch you sneaking out of a room in my wing again, I’ll skin you myself.”

“If you catch me you say? Well, I like myself a challenge.” You slap him on the head, before climbing back up the ladder.

“Leave me alone, Poe. I don’t need your love troubles plaguing my every hour.”

“There’s no place for things like love in the middle of a war, greenie. First thing you learn in a place like this.”

If he hadn’t been walking away, he would have heard your heart burst into a thousand tiny pieces. Maybe it was for the best if you didn't love him.

Instead of wallowing in undeserving heartache like an idiot, you forced yourself to forget all about the way Poe made your heart feel. He became just another friend, pushed so far into the friendzone that was no conceivable way out. To his credit, you didn’t hear of another escapade of his again. He probably just got good at hiding them.

That always got difficult when he was sent on week-long missions. Your heart would migrate into your throat and even swallowing became difficult. Your mind would swim with worry, all for him to come back completely fine, his ship always seemed to come home the least scathed. A fact for which your heart was grateful.

"Hey, flyboy," you called, as you walked into the cantina. There were less than 10 people in the whole room - probably due to the ungodly hour of the day.

Poe was sat in the corner, the light of his datapad shining on his face. He ran his fingers through his hair. It was unusually disheveled, which could only mean one thing. He was nervous.

You walked up to him. Evidently, he hadn't heard you from across the room, because when you came up to him and rested your hand on his shoulder, he flinched and grabbed your hand. You winced at his tight grip as he turned to face you.

Poe released your hand when he saw it was you. He leaned back into your chest, eyes fluttering shut. "I'm sorry," he whispered, gently.

You grabbed the datapad from his hands, and placed it face down on the table, "It's ok. What's going on?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it."

You absent-mindedly run your hands through his hair as his head remained leaned against your chest. "It's not nothing. Is it a mission? You're leaving again soon?"

He hummed in agreement.

"You're leaving today, aren't you? That's why you're up early."

"Why do you think Snap got you to wake up early? You're not just a sight for sore eyes, you know."

His words made you blush. Never have you been more glad that he isn't staring right at you - it would give your heart’s deepest darkest desires away.

He left that afternoon. After you completed routine checks for him, he was off on a top-secret adventure. Sometimes, it was easy to hate his rank, because it made it so hard to find out where he was, or what he was doing. But as always, you let him go and, as always, you prayed he'd come home safe. To you. You always pray he comes home safe to you.

Hours turned to days, days turned to weeks. And while it wasn't unheard of for Poe to be gone this long, your heart could barely take him being gone for a day. That's the price of being in love. You'd never thought of yourself as still being in love with Poe until he left on that mission. You'd never thought much of the way your heart still raced when he talked to you. You'd never thought much of the way your heart still ached when he left for missions. You'd never thought much of the way your heart still burst when he smiled at you. But without him there, it's like your heart could not find a reason for beating.

You continued on with your job, trudging through daily repairs and meals, trying to keep your mind away from Poe. You forced a smile when you talked to Snap - missing Poe hit him just as hard as it hit you. You forced a smile when you taught new recruits - you couldn't afford to have them hate you just because the Captain was missing. You forced a smile when you came down for dinner - there was no use in moping around in the middle of a war. But when you were in the comfort of your own room, you let the smile fall and the tears drip down your face. You cried almost every night for the first week that he was gone, trying to reconcile your newly found feelings and your newly lost friend.

It was a surprise to everyone when Poe crash-landed back on D'Qar with burns and cuts littering his body. You were up at an extremely early hour as working on Snap's ship when he landed, and you were immediately filled with concern. A tight knot wound its way around your throat, as you watched the scene unfold. BB-8 was nowhere to be seen. The ship is smoking dangerously, and parts of it are falling off, but most worrying of all, Poe was struggling to get out of the cockpit. You quickly threw yourself onto the X-Wing, hitting the emergency ejection latch with the spanner in your hand. The cockpit lid flew open and Poe climbed out, coughing heavily and clutching his side. Snap came running out of the base, and grabbed Poe's arm. You ran up and grabbed the other, and the two of you dragged him towards the med wing.

Two nurses snapped him up, cleaning his wounds and applying bacta spray where necessary. Snap turned away, mumbling something about an early morning briefing, but you stayed rooted to the spot. You couldn't take your eyes off his broken state, and tears slipped out of your eyes before you could control them. After a beat, you spun around on your heel and sprinted to your room.

When the door clanged shut, you slumped onto the floor and burst into tears. You couldn't bear to see Poe in pain. You hated yourself for not being strong enough to fight through your tears to be with him. And you hated yourself for still being in love with him, when you promised you would be. When your datapad lit up with tasks for the day, you made the rash decision to call in sick. In the time you had been on the base, you had never called in sick. This job was your lifeline, your passion, and nothing, not even illness, would affect that. At least, that's what you had thought. You spent the majority of the week in that same spot, tears subsiding when you became so dehydrated that your body refused to let you cry.

On the fifth day of your hibernation, you finally left your room, having showered and gotten ready. Few people were on the base, apart from the mechanics and medics, and the injured - which included Poe. Given the lack of a real threat in the vicinity, General Leia had given the day off. You didn’t want to relax. You couldn’t relax.

You snuck over to where Poe’s beat up X-Wing was parked, and the sight of it almost made you tear up. The memories hit you like a brick. Poe barely limping towards the med wing. BB-8 being carried to the droid repair room. Fire extinguishers coating the X-Wing with hopes that it may be able to fly again. You got to work.

You were finally satisfied as the sun set over the vast treescape of D'Qar, covered head to toe in oil and grease. After some gentle coaxing by Paige - the only one aware of your all-consuming feelings for Poe - you agreed to grab something small to eat with her.

What you didn't sign up for was to see a broken and battered Poe sitting at the table, laughing at some stupid joke that Snap had probably made. He looked up as you walked in, almost as if he was expecting you. His eyes met yours, and you felt the tight knot in your throat begin to form again - just as it had the morning Poe crash-landed on the base.

Poe tried to lift his arm up to wave but winced at the action, the stitches keeping his wounds bound together stretching at the extreme action. You pressed your lips into a tight smile, willing the Maker to take your tears away. Paige handed you a bottle of water, before leading you toward the table. She left you standing in front of the table, where you awkwardly shifted your feet.

"Gonna sit down?" Snap asked, mirth dancing behind his eyes, "Or are you planning to put on a show? Wouldn't put it past you to have hidden another talent."

You smiled weakly, sitting down next to Jess and unscrewing the cap on the water bottle you had been given. Jess leaned over and whispered gently, "Feeling ok? Paige came up to ask if you were ok when you didn't show up at drills this morning."

"Yeah, felt a bit under the weather after morning rounds."

"Probably the shitty sleep you've been getting worrying about this guy." Karé said, pointing his knife at Poe.

Poe looked at you, his eyes wide, but you tried to brush off Karé's words, sarcastically replying, "Oh please Karé, the only thing you're worried about is whether or not they have that drink that you like from Sorgan, which is disgusting by the way - I don't know how you can drink it."

Everyone laughs as Karé splutters about how delicious spotchka is, the anxiousness wracking your body easing its reins slightly. Under the table, you feel Poe's foot nudge yours gently. You smile lightly at him, careful not to let him have a good look at your red-rimmed eyes and splotchy face. As much as it shouldn't matter, you don't want him to know how much you care.

"You don't have to pretend you don't care for the captain, kid. You should have seen how she leaped to open the hatch Poe, something from a Naboo holodrama. Or one of those superhero films." Snap laughed, as your face burned red.

Poe raised his eyebrow, "Now that's something I would like to see. Maybe I'll get myself stuck in a cockpit again, just to see you in action." He laughs, but you don't laugh with him. You feel your chest tighten, and the knot in your throat return. Your vision clouds with tears, and you quickly got up, excusing yourself on the notion that your headache has returned, and that you should probably get some rest before drills the next day. You stumbled out of the cantina, breaking into a sprint as soon as you were out of sight.

Poe’s eyes followed you as you left, worrying tinting his gaze. The group had fallen almost silent at your abrupt exit, looking at where you’d run, before turning back to Poe. Snap slapped the back of his head.

“Why, in the Maker’s name, would you say that?”

“What?” Poe said, rubbing the back of his head. Jess gave him a pointed look, “What did I say?”

“You joked about getting hurt, Poe! Why would you do that?”

“He didn’t just joke about getting hurt, Wex! He joked about almost dying!”

"Oh please, it's not that big of a deal. Everyone knew it was a joke. Right?" No one looks at him. "Right?!"

Jess waves at Paige, whose eyes were trained at the door. She meekly walks over, leaning down to talk to Jess.

"Is she ok?" Paige asked, her eyes brushing over the group until they landed on Poe, "What did he do?"

Poe's eyes narrowed in confusion. "I'm so confused," he muttered under his breath.

"He made a joke.”

Snap butt in, “About almost dying."

Paige’s eyes widened, "You're not serious."

"Look, I don't know what's up with her today, but something tells me that that was the last thing she needed right now."

Paige turned towards Poe, "If you weren't injured right now, Captain, I would beat you up."

"Hold up. I don't even know what I did." He said, standing up. "I get that the joke was a little misplaced, but it was a joke. I didn't put myself in this situation willingly."

"We get it, Poe. But you haven't been here. She's literally been destroyed - she's barely sleeping, I barely see her come down to eat, she spends all her time working on different ships, drowning herself in work. Today was the first day in the year she's been here that she's called in sick." Paige said, her eyes flitting between Poe and the door. She was in a half-mind to run after you, to console you.

Poe beat her to it. He got up, ignoring the protest from his teammates, and headed towards your room. He knocked lightly on your door, hearing the gentle sobbing from your room.

His heart broke. He knocked again.

“I’m fine Paige, I just need sleep.”

“Nice to know you’d lie to Paige.” Poe said, his voice steady and gentle. You open the door to you room, the door whooshing up to reveal Poe in all his glory, “Would you lie to your Captain?”

“Don’t pull rank with me, Poe.” You joked as he bent to meet your eyes.

He reached out to caress his fingers against your cheek and wipe away the stray tears. You leaned your head into his hands, the callouses on his hands like comfort against your cheek. He touches his forehead to your eyes, his eyes closed as if he couldn’t quite believe you were here. That this was happening.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered. Poe’s eyes met yours, softly searching for something. Answers, probably.

“Why are you sorry, darling?” The pet name gripped your heart, so familiar and yet so foreign. The tears begin to flow freely again. He soothed you, mindlessly carding his fingers through your hair, “Don’t cry, don’t cry.”

You look into his eyes, and can’t help but to sob harder. Why did you have to fall in love with him?

Your head curled into his chest, seeking the comfort only he could give. “Tell me what’s wrong.” He asked, whispering into your hair.

“I didn’t mean to.” You said through tears. Poe looked at you.

“You didn’t mean to what, love?” He asked. You repeated it over and over, your tears soaking through his shirt. He lets you cry until your weak, pulling you further into his arms.

He asks you again.

“I didn’t mean to love you so much.” You confessed through whispers. It was so quiet that you thought that Poe didn’t catch what you said.

His widened eyes told you otherwise.

“You…?”

“I love you.” You whispered.

“You-you love me?”

“I love you so much that whenever I see you my heart quickens until it’s uncomfortable.”

“Love -”

“I love you so much that my hands become so sweaty that I can barely keep a hold of my datapad.” You showed him your hands that were covered in a sheen. He gives you a watery laugh, before wiping your hands on his already soaked shirt.

“I love you so much that when you leave, I can’t bear to survive.”

“Love-” You interrupt him again.

“There’s no life without you, Poe.” Your voice broke as you dissolved into another bout of tears.

“Love, please.” Poe sighed, kissing your forehead, “Please, just-”

“I know. It’s a war. I shouldn’t have, but I did and I can’t help it. Please don’t hate me, please-”

Poe grabbed your face, pulling you into him. He grazed his lips over yours, before pulling away way to fast.

“I could never hate you, love.”

You pull him back towards you, smashing your lips onto his. He pulls you into his lap deepening the kiss further. You run your fingers through his hair, and over where the bandages cover his fresh wounds. Poe winced, and you pulled back.

“You should rest. And heal up.”

He looked at you with such adoration, that for a moment you thought you’d melt away. “I have the rest of forever to heal up. I want this now.”

“You have me for the rest of forever. I think you should heal up now.” He rested his forehead against yours, sighing and closing his eyes. You kissed his nose gently.

“The rest of forever is too far away.” He whispered.

“You made me wait for this long. I think you could wait for a little longer.”

“Only a little bit, love. Only for you.”

He stood up, holding his hand out to you. You grabbed it, and he pulled you to your feet. The sudden motion had you dizzy, head pounding due to the dehydration. He caught you gently, lifting you into his arms, before gently depositing you on the bed. He left light kisses on your forehead, and left with the promise of coming back with water and a little food.

He walked out of the mechanics wing and back towards the cantina, intent on his mission to get a little food and water into you.

The whole of black squadron watched him walk in. Poe nodded to them lightly, not knowing exactly what they had been expecting. Apparently it was enough for them, as they turned back towards each other.

He grabbed a small muffin and a bottle of water, before heading back to your room. He walked into see you asleep on the bed, and he couldn’t help but smile. God, she’s beautiful.

Poe sat down on the bed, rubbing your arm gently. You opened a bleary eye to see Poe crouched next to you, blocking the moonlight streaming in from the window. He pulled off his shirt, and lifted your head up to get you drink some water, before settling down next to you. You rested your head on his chest before falling back to sleep.

Poe moved under you, pulling his necklace from around his neck and placing it around yours. Your hand immediately migrated to the metal ring strung on the end. Poe froze. What if it’s too soon. He relaxed almost immediately, as your fist closes around his rings.

He relaxed, pushing his nose into your hair. You smiled as he whispered something that he probably only said because he thought you were asleep.

“I love you too."

fin.

buy me a coffee

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joshleyson · 4 months ago

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Life Update + Postcards from Mount Pulag

If there's one thing I'm particularly proud of that I did this year in the name of self-care, it is using my Apple Watch for what it was designed to do and being mindful of closing my rings on the Fitness App, which includes meeting my Move, Stand, and Exercise requirements for the day.

Last weekend, I went on my first major walk this year, to Mount Pulag in Benguet, the majestic and highest mountain in Luzon. For the first time ever, I was able to set a *drum roll please* record-breaking 42K steps, perhaps more because my watch died in the middle of the climb. It never occurred to me to go on this ALMOST 10-hour hike until J, who by the way was a famous OG Tumblr influencer during the peak Tumblr era circa 2012 (if you know him, mag-asawa ka na hahaha), introduced me to the idea of going to Baguio (I haven’t been to Baguio since forever) and eventually having to explore Mount Pulag after. J and I have known each other for over 12+ years, but it was only this year that we began to see each other more frequently; he is also the person who introduced and challenged me to finish my rings on the Fitness app. I began this "ring" journey at the end of March, but I wasn't fully committed until I started seeing some, hmm, what's the word, "changes" when I started monitoring my InBody results, which show my weight, BMI, muscle mass, and even body fat percentage decreasing. Long story short, I'm making some small progress with trying to make my BMI normal again. Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to paint the typical fitness buff image with raging, strong-looking muscles, because that's not who I am, but I wanted to give myself credit also for losing 10kgs in just 4 months, and I'm not even pulling my hair out about it, just that awareness of "Did I close my rings today?" moment. Like I told J, I never expected accountability to feel this good. So I'm quite delighted with that.

Enough of the fitness thingee and going back to Mount Pulag, I'm so happy that we were able to pull it off this year. We started by staying in Baguio for 2 days which by the way the weather was THE. BEST. Having to walk around the city in layered clothes without breaking a sweat as a pawisin was HEAVEN. It was something that I missed when I went back to Manila. After 2 days, we headed straight to Kabayan, Benguet, where our homestay was located, and by midnight started our trek to Pulag summit. The trek was surprisingly easy. The quiet and quaint landscapes while on our way to the summit were something that I enjoyed so much. It was tiring and yes, the weather was extremely cold. Miss Hypothermia is REAL especially on the summit but with the right amount of clothing, it's no biggie. Just do a little bit of research before signing up for the hike and you'll be just fine. On that trip, we met and bonded with new faces which I hope soon will become friends because they're nice to be with which made the hike bearable. Being the beach person that I am which is very OBVIOUS on this blogosphere, exploring the mountains and the countryside was very refreshing to see and I kinda wanted to make that commitment to at least do this at least once a year. Let's see!

(No Light Pollution? Here's the Milky Way captured in the default iPhone camera app.)

Overall, the Mountain Province trip including late-night walks in Baguio, wandering to places and cafés and bar hopping walking side to side because we’re drunk AF, and then Mount Pulag was something I'm so grateful for that I get to check them out this year. There were "unplanned" and "down" moments on that trip, sure, but I guess that's just normal, especially since I'm with the person I wanted to get to know more, and J, if you're reading this, thank you. I feel like all the things that happened on that trip have a reason and I just wanna say thank you for being…you. I will not be surprised if one day that rough idea of a psycho-thriller slasher movie we kind of created while sitting on a bus will soon come to life. Write that fucking screenplay. PLEASE.

So that's my not-so-quick life update that no one asked about. I think I mentioned before in this space that the more I have something "major" going on with my life whether professional or personal, I am less inclined to talk about it versus in my heyday, loud, teenage years and I think that's what really living is all about. Touch some grass they say, and literally, I did that in the mountains of Mount Pulag, and those memories which I hope I could bottle, and that seeing something so beautiful is enough to remind me that everything's gonna be alright.

Siri, play Gravity by Sara Bareilles, JOSHY

(Mountain Province, July 2024)

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matan4il · 6 months ago

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We've lost so many people since the last time I could make a news update post, that I find it hard to write about them all. I guess at the very least, I need to write about 38 years old Elad Fingerhut, father of 3, who was murdered by Hezbollah on our Independence Day. He was a civilian, who happened to be nearby when a terrorist rocket attack on Israel's north started, he realized soldiers were hurt, and ran in to help. That's when he was hit directly by a following anti-tank missile fired at the same spot. He was murdered for being a decent human being, willing to help others even under fire.

The IDF has recovered the bodies of 4 Israeli hostages, all of them were murdered on Oct 7 and it was their bodies that the terrorists had kidnapped. The corpses were found thanks to military intel in a tunnel in northern Gaza, next to explosive devices, so Hamas was actually using these bodies as a booby trap to kill Israeli soldiers. I will never understand people stanning an organization capable of murdering innocent civilians, and then using their bodies like that. The four hostages were Shani Louk, Ron Benjamin, Itzhak Gelerenter, and Amit Buskila. As far as I'm aware, only Shani was confirmed as murdered on Oct 7 before this operation, so bringing the bodies back allows, in addition to proper burial of the murdered, for the families to finally know what happened to their loved ones, get to mourn, and hopefully start processing, and eventually, healing. As for Shani herself? Just a small reminder that on Oct 7 itself a vid was published, showing her body stripped down, leg broken, tossed into the back of a truck, guarded by armed terrorists, with a random Gazan teenager was spitting on her violated corpse, and after that, a Gaza "journalist" called her family to lie to them and claim Shani's alive, just injured, and being treated in a hospital for her wound. If that's not enough, a Gaza "photojournalist" won an award for taking a picture showing the Hamas terrorists riding the truck on top of her. Now her family can finally find comfort in knowing their kid is at rest.

There are at this time 128 hostages in Gaza still, at least 39 are believed to be bodies. This includes two Thai men who were kidnapped from Israel, for whom there is now evidence that they were murdered on Oct 7, and their corpses are held hostage.

May the memory of all Palestinian terrorists' victims be a blessing.

I assume everyone knows already that the (undemocratically elected) president of Iran, Ibrahim Raisi, known as "the butcher of Tehran," has been killed in a helicopter crash. What people may not be aware of is that the UN has actually observed a moment of silence for the man who personally oversaw the murder of countless innocent Iranians, many of them as part of the Islamic regime's gender-targeted violence, and who, as part of the regime, was responsible for many more deaths of people around the world, including financing Hamas and so enabling the Oct 7 massacre. In fact, the UN secretary general has extended personal condolences to the people and government of Iran for Raisi's death, as per his official statement. Here's what the UN's one tweet about it looks like:

(I'm not surprised that the top comment is an angry one from a Ukrainian woman, since the Iranian regime does supply Russia with attack drones and missiles)

Meanwhile, do you know how long it took the UN to officially discuss for the first time the hostages abducted from Israel on Oct 7, as part of a massacre enabled by Iran? Seven and a half months (discussion held on May 16, five days ago). But sure, the UN isn't biased at all, and is totally reliable and a force for peace. Please keep this in mind as the UN's judicial arms, the ICJ and ICC, continue to make a mockery of justice and the idea of international humanitarian law. Hey, did you know that the ICC's chief prosecutor never asked for arrest warrants against Raisi?

Meanwhile, around the world, antisemitism has only been intensifying. Some recent incidents include an Israeli father living in Belgium being attack by an anti-Israel mob in front of his visiting daughter, in France they burned down a synagogue (great how I couldn't find a single headline where the synagogue attack was mentioned before the fate of the attacker following it), in Sweden there were shots fired near the Israeli embassy, and in NYC a man randomly stopped his bike by a group of religious Jewish kids playing on the street and physically attacked them...

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

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milligramspoison · 1 month ago

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Hi! First two MCR shows for 2024! Except part of the list started in 2023 thanks to fucking Mikey and Chris!

I also have a list of MCR’s 2022-2023 tour if you also want to check that out! Anyways ty Mikey and Chris for starting this list off 11 months early 😭

MCR @ WWWY

Hey Chris commented a sunset emoji under Mikey’s post that announced day 2 of WWWY, referring to Pete’s Amazing New Mexico Sunset post from 2005 (writing this on November 17th, 2023- 11 fucking months to go lmao)

Mikey also replied to Chris’ comment

Mikey is also very excited to play Disenchanted! (Love this for him)

Not WWWY but it deserves to be here -> Gerard’s cat costume from Toronto night 2 made it into the show Carol & the End of the World! (Hi it’s January 29th, 2024 as I’m writing this bullet point)

Frank is back on his fortune cookie bullshit (hello it’s March 18th, 2024 as I’m writing this)

American Idol contestant Abi Carter sang WTTBP for her top 20 performance on April 14th, 2024!

Chris posted the Pete and Mikey emo critters on his story on May 17th, 2024, using 🌅 as the fucking caption 😭

My Chem’s facebook got hacked on July 25th, 2024 😍

They’re doing additional songs after they do TBP in full, possibly the B Sides and Living With Ghosts 👀 (update they didn’t do either 😭)

Teenagers surpassed 1 BILLION streams on Spotify!!

I’m Not Okay will be added to Fortnite October 17th! (And will already be in the game by the time this post goes up!)

Close up of MCR’s (and FOB’s) merch for the festival!

The Swarm fly also returns for whatever reason 👀 (it was a big symbol during the last tour so I’m surprised it’s back for two one off shows)

DAY BEFORE WWWY WE HAVE THE BAND SOUNDCHECKING FAMOUS LAST WORDS (it’s officially WWWY weekend!!!)

MCR’s first show since March 26th, 2023!! (That’s 573 days aka 19 months!!)

Frank’s first tonight’s our night post involving MCR since last year 🥲

Mikey was spotted watching Mayday Parade’s set!

A CLIP OF THEM SOUNDCHECKING ON THE 18TH

Mikey was also spotted watching Dashboard Confessional’s set!

A third Mikey (and this time Kristin too!) spotting!

A fourth Mikey spotting and he’s with Patrick of FOB this time!!

WHITE FLOORING IS BEING LAID OUT

MCR’S STAGE AROUND THE BEGINNING OF FOB’S SET

MCR’S STAGE TOWARDS THE MIDDLE OF FOB’S SET

MCR’S STAGE AROUND 9:45PM

Pete of FOB hyped up the crowd for MCR’s set during the FOB set!!

WHATEVER THIS IS THEYRE TESTING STUFF FOR MCR’S SET

4 separate stage lights for them as of rn…….

GERARD AND MIKEY’S PARENTS ARE THERE

GERARD GOT A HAIRCUT

THE END FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE OCTOBER 7TH, 2007

DEAD FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE AUGUST 27TH, 2011

RAY ALSO HAD TWO GUITARS (obvi but still exciting nonetheless 😭)

“Fuck yeah” ~ Gerard

“Kisses for you!” ~ also Gerard!

SHARPEST LIVES FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE MAY 9TH, 2008

RAY’S WINE RETURNS

“Spicy, you're fucking spicy” ~ Gerard ofc

I DON’T LOVE YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE OCTOBER 17TH, 2022

Gerard asked the audience to bark as they were going into House of Wolves 😭

HOUSE OF WOLVES FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE MARCH 20TH, 2023

CANCER FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE MARCH 19TH, 2023

They also got a violinist for Cancer and it sounded incredible

The violinist was Kayleigh Goldsworthy!!!!!

DISENCHANTED FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE OCTOBER 7TH, 2007

There was also blooming and decaying flowers during Disenchanted!!

And there was also swords at some point during the set too…

RAYRARD MOMENT

“I got all this fucking honey in my mouth, it broke my ass! The fucking softest hands!” ~ Gerard, whatever he was rambling about 😭

WTTBP WAS REPRISED AT THE END OF FAMOUS

Blood was played on tape for the first time in many years!!

The band had an encore following the entirety of TBP!

I’m Not Okay was the first song of the encore!

A fan rushed the stage and touched Frank before being escorted off 🤦‍♀️ (BE NORMAL PPL they’re human just like the rest of us)

The look Gerard gave the stage rusher was super funny tho 😭

And they ended night one off on Helena!

DAN AND PHIL REFERENCED NO BUT SERIOUSLY IMAGINE IT

VIDEO OF THEM REFERENCING IT

Frank and Gerard goofing around <3

Marina Toybina styled their outfits (or at least Gerard’s) for night one of the festival!! (She also styled a lot of outfits for Gerard on the last tour!)

“Hey everybody!” ~ Gerard as he was going backstage!

MIKEY WATCHED FOB’S SET AND SANG ALONG TO MMRS

Gerard got on their tippy toes to reach over to fans on the other side of the fence 🥹

FRANK SPOTTING (WWWY night 2)

Cherry, Miles, and Lily (Frank’s kiddos) watching the Dunes set from yesterday <3 (and a bonus- it’s also Frank’s second tonight’s our night post for MCR since last year!)

Pete of FOB once again hyped up the crowd for MCR’s set during FOB’s!!!

GERARD IS IN THE SAME OUTFIT

RAY IS IN A BLACK SHIRT AND JEANS

“FUCKING ACE MAN” ~ Gerard!

Pixels of Mikey and Frank!!!

“Thank you” ~ Gerard after I Don’t Love You 🥹

KAYLEIGH RETURNED ON VIOLIN

SERENITY PRAYER BEFORE MAMA

KAYLEIGH ALSO DID VIOLIN ON MAMA TONIGHT

“BAG FULL OF KNIVES”

“There was a summer, I started collecting knives. Big bags full of knives. It’s because my friend died. And I was hoping somebody would try to hurt me so I could kill them. And he fell down. And one day he went to sleep forever.” ~ GERARD BEFORE SLEEP

“Vegas, I want you you to let go of everything. Everything!” ~ also Gerard before Sleep!

Gerard also laughed during Sleep 😭

“BELLISSIMO”

“THIS IS A SONG ABOUT BEING IN THE DREAM. AND DYING. BECAUSE THATS ALL DREAMS DO” ~ GERARD GOING INTO DISENCHANTED

WTTBP REPRISE AGAIN DURING FAMOUS

NA NA NA IS THE FIRST SONG OF THE ENCORE

SECOND SONG OF THE ENCORE IS HELENA

“Good night Las Vegas!” ~ Gerard before Helena!

WWWY POSTED PROFESSIONAL FOOTAGE OF MCR’S SET

GERARD WRAPPED THE MIC CORD AROUND THEIR NECK JUST LIKE OLD TIMES

This photo of Gerard…

AND THIS PHOTO OF GERARD WITH RAY AND MIKEY

Gerard met some fans after the show!!

RAY’S STAGE LEFT TATTOO HAS MADE AN APPEARANCE

Some of the photos Beemer took last night!

RAY AND HIS WINE RETURN ONCE AGAIN

INCREDIBLE video of Gerard

Hi if you’ve made it this far! Welcome to the 2024 list for MCR!- that feels so good to say omg

I’m so excited to be posting this after having it in my drafts since last November. And it was so exciting to be liveblogging about an MCR show again with everyone!!

I hope it isn’t a long time before we all can do this again. Following the tour was such an incredible experience for me and to do it again for two nights only this weekend was amazing

Anyways, thank you if you’ve made it this far. And I hope all of you enjoy looking back on the list!!

My Chemical Romance forever and ever, okay? <33333

#god i can’t believe i’m setting this post free into the wild #this is so insane i can’t believe we’re talking about TWO mcr 2024 shows 🥲🥲#ANYWAYS…the little sister to the tour list is HERE #mcr #my chemical romance #my chem #mcrwwwy #mcrwwwy2

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foxienix · 5 months ago

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PAINT A SMILE Legacy Challenge

GENERATION 1: DIDN’T MEAN IT

Bouns Trait For Baby Daddy: Romantically Abusive - TRIGGER WARNING⛔ | Patreon

GENERATION 2: PAINT A SMILE

Growing up you (and your siblings if you they have any) grew up in a toxic environment for half of your life. Even though things got better, that part still stuck with you. This made you afraid of ending up in a situation like that yourself. This results in you playing the field due to your fear of getting hurt. Will you get over your fear and let yourself fall in love? Or will the fear be to strong, leaving you single for life?

Start as a Young Adult

Aspiration: Serial Romantic (Must complete before choose love or stay single)

Traits: Flirty & 2 more

Skills: Writing

Career: Freelance Writer

Hookup with four different guys and become pregnant.

Have two kids. (Twins or you can have one later)

Meet your spouse through a mutual friend (If they choose to find love)

Live out your days as a famous writer and cherish time with your kids. (If you choose to stay single)

Write a book to pass down to your kids.

Flirty Trait: Flirty Trait – Welcome to KiaraSims4Mods!

GENERATION 3: REVENGE IS SWEETER THAN YOU EVER WERE

Your teen years were great. You got good grades, had an amazing group of friends and the best boyfriend ever…or did you? Deciding to surprise your boyfriend one night at his place, you go to sneak in through the window only to catch him cheating on you…WITH YOUR COUSIN!

Life starts as a teen

Aspiration: University Bound (YA Asp: City Native)

Traits: Romantic + Any Traits

Skill: Cooking, Gourmet Cooking

Career: Master Chef

Get your heart broken in high school (cousin steals your boyfriend)

For the remainder of your high school experience you can…(make your ex & cousin miserable or focus on getting into Uni and vow to get revenge later.)

Go to University

Meet your love in Uni

Humiliate your ex & cousin in some way. You decide the revenge so get creative. (If you choose revenge later.)

Move in together with your new love to San Myshuno after graduation.

Have three children.

Make sure your heir has at least one really good childhood male friend.

EXTRA TEEN ASPIRATIONS: Teen Aspirations Bundle - updated for HSY | Patreon

GENERATION 4: THAT’S ME RIGHT THERE

As you were growing up, seeing the beautiful love your parents had for each other made you want that for yourself. You weren’t sure if it was possible but you were hopeful. Finding love in San Myshuno however wasn’t working out. A life of fun in the sun was what you always wanted. So you packed up and moved to Sulani to start your new life. Will you get your epic love story?

Young Adult Life Stage

Aspiration: Beach Life

Skill: Conservation

Career: Conservationist

Have your male childhood friend move away to Sulani as a Teen.

Go on 3 failed dates.

Move to Sulani as a Young Adult

Work on restoring Sulani’s beauty

Reconnect with your childhood friend

Start to see them in a more romantic light

Go on dates

Fall in love with your childhood friend

Eventually Marry (Beach Wedding)

Start a Family (You can do this before or after they are adults)

Have lots of family photos on the walls.

GENERATION 5: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Life in a tropical paradise was great, but you wanted something different. You’ve always had a love for film and dreamed of becoming an actor. Your parents did their best to support your dreams. Your room was always filled with movie and TV show posters. One day, you make a vow to pursue acting and become famous.

Aspiration: Master Actor

Skill: Acting, Charisma

Trait: Self-Absorbed + Any Traits (Leave the main trait for last.)

Career: Actor

Have family movie night every Friday growing up.

Make sure your heir has movie/TV posters on their room wall

Go out to the movies with friends as a teen.

Join Drama Club

(Optional) Study drama at University

Move to Del Sol Valley

Work on your Acting Career

Find love with another actor from a different background than your heir. (can be a base game actor or whoever you want.)

Max Fame

Have children in the spotlight

Movie Buff Trait: Mod The Sims - New Hobby Traits

GENERATION 6: RUN BABY RUN

You grew up in the public eye, and you hated it. So you left, the fame, your family. You left it all behind and ran away to (Newcrest, Forgotten Hollow, or Moonwood Mill.) Growing up, you much preferred the peace and quiet, but that didn’t mean you didn’t love adventure. You just only happened to experience it through your books. You were living out your deepest, darkest fantasies in the comfort of your room with your head buried in a book. After finally leaving home, you had no idea that you would be able to live out those dark fantasies. It all started when you met them.

Aspiration: Soulmate

Skill: Romance, Mischief

Trait: Bookworm, Day Dreamer

Runaway from home at 18/19 (Young Adult)

Move to Newcrest, Forgotten Hollow, or Moonwood Mill

If you move to Newcrest have your sim meet their bad boy, mafia kid, etc. (Someone who's meant to be a bad influence.)

If you move to Forgotton Hollow meet your broody vampire prince.

If you move to Moonwood Mill meet a hot werewolf beta destined to become the Alpha.

Befriend this person and start your BookTok Fantasy.

Have your sim get into a sticky situation or however many you want and have your dark and dangerous crush come to your rescue.

Have them disagree with one another a few times but still have love for each other. Like they are fighting their urges for one another.

Eventually, you should have something big happen that finally makes things official between them. (Your sim is kidnapped, almost dies, etc.)

Max the Mischief skill

Woohoo…often, as if they can’t get enough of each other.

Become pregnant

Have them marry and build their empire together.

Day Dreamer Trait: New Emotional Traits by Kuttoe (itch.io)

GENERATION 7: BETTER TOGETHER

Being raised in a powerful crime family you were always being whisked away or hidden for your protection. It was a life you weren’t happy with. You hated how people fantasized about your life being cool and dangerous. As a child, you made friends with one of the staff’s kids. To you, they felt more like family then your own. You found yourself often wishing you had been born in their family instead. You would rather help than harm others. Tired of the criminal lifestyle your family leads. A plan is formed, and you plot to stop them with the help of your friend and her family so you can finally live the life you want.

Aspiration: Firefighter Super Hero

Traits: Ambitious + Any Bonus Reward Trait: Brave

Skill: Max 3 skills of your choice

Career: Firefighter

Have your sim make friends with a Butler/Nanny’s kid.

Become very close to them both throught you childhood and on through teens.

Have a distant relationship with your parents

As a Young Adult, put your plan in motion and get rid of your parents. (Do this however you want. Be Creative.)

Move to any world you haven’t used yet.

Start your new life as a Firefighter

Save your future love from a fire.

Have 4 children

Have at least one hobby

Firefighter Career: Firefighter (Active) Career - The Sims 4 Mods - CurseForge

Firefighter Super Hero Aspiration: Firefighter Super Hero Aspiration – Welcome to KiaraSims4Mods!

GENERATION 8: BAD IDEA, RIGHT?

Growing up your fire fighter parent was your hero. The way they always cared for and protected others. Although you admired what they did, you quickly realized that path wasn’t for you. As a child you were always getting into your moms jewelry as you played dress up. Fashion was your thing. Even as you got older, you loved mixing and matching different clothes and accessories to fit your own style.

Aspiration: Crystal Crafter

Traits: Creative + Any

Skills: Jewelry Design

Create Jewelry while working the Fashion Career (or freelance it)

Get your brand out there and make that coin.

(Optional) Use the Thift Shop to create and sell looks.

Have a relationship fail either as a teen or early in your Young Adult life and give it a second chance later on with a better outcome.

Going back to your families hardworking roots. Start your own retail clothing business while still selling jewlery on the side.

Become a surrogate for someone only to find out they mistreat the child and save them, later adopting them.

GENERATION 9: FAST TIMES

Life for you was alright, it was simple and sweet. It was a good life…for your parents. Although you had no reason to dislike your childhood, you craved adventure. You wanted a life of excitement. So, when you saw extreme spirts for the first time, you knew that’s what you wanted to do. It became your whole world. All you talked about was extreme sports and your dream of becoming a Pro-Snowboarder.

Aspiration: Extreme Sports Enthusiasts

Traits: Adventurous + Any

Skills: Snowboarding or Skiing, Rock Climbing

Watch sports alot growing up

Talk about sports with others

As a teen practice snowboarding whenever your family goes on Vacation to Mt. Komorebi

Move to Mt. Komorebi as a Young Adult

Complete your aspiration and and max the snowboarding/skiing skill

Meet the love of your life as a chance encounter at the hot springs.

Have kids and visit your parents for Holiday with the kids.

Have the children have close relationship with their grandparents

Marry as an Elder

GENERATION 10: WHERE YOU BELONG

One of your parents was a pro-snowboarder. You had a really good relationship with your grandparents. As a child whenever you got to visit them they would tell stories about how they took in your aunts and uncles when they were kids, giving them a family and a place to call home. The story was so sweet and always touched your heart when you heard it. As you grew older, you became an advocate for for adoption and try to save kids from the screwed up foster system.

Aspiration: Big Happy Family

Traits: Family Oriented

Skill: Parenting

Career: Influencer (Simfluencer)

Once you reach Young Adulthood you can begin.

Move out to Copper dale or San Sequoia

Meet your future spouse at the park and go on dates

Take in some kids and build a strong relationship with them.

Adopt five children

Marry your partner as an Adult

Document your life and post your videos on your channel.

Have a really good relationship with at least 2 or 3 kids

Foster Family Mod: Foster Family - The Sims 4 Mods - CurseForge

GENERATION 11: BE YOU ONLY YOU

You were happy with the life you were given. After spending some of your life believing you were adopted you find out you in fact were adopted by your birth parent. Being in a household full of kids wasn't always easy but you loved your family all the same. That being said you craved simplicity, a simple quiet life on a farm was your dream. As Young adult you moved to Henford-on-Bagley.

• Aspiration: Country Caretaker

• Traits: Animal Enthusiasts

• Max the cross stitching skill

• Have a strong relationship with your birth parent after being adopted by them.

• Live in a chaotic household

• Have a love for animals

• As a YA move to Henford-on-Bagley

• Go on Family Camping trips at least 3 times before you children become teens.

• Start off the grid

• Start your farm from the ground up. (Either build or renovate a rundown home)

• Tend to your farm daily (you can get a farmhand)

• Meet your special person in town

• Have 2 children

• Get married to your person

• Make friends with a wealthy sim from Sulani or Tartosa. (They could be a sim they met who was vacationing in the country or a trip you went on and met them.)

• Spend summer vacations at their beach house.

• Have your love die as a adult

• Have their friend a divorcee with two kids

Hire A Farmhand Mod: Mod: Hire a Farmhand (Cottage Living Required) | Patreon

GENERATION 12: The Summer I Turned Pretty

Growing up on the farm was nice and peaceful. You loved having all the animals around and even thought you might take it over some day. This is until your mom met a friend from (tartosa or sulani) your family started vacation with them. After your dad passed they trips became more frequent. Growing up with her kids you secretly develop a crush on one of them, at least you thought it was a secret but it turns out everyone realized and we're secretly rooting for it. Things get more interesting as you get older.

• Get close to your mom's friend almost like an aunt or second mom.

• Take vacations with your family to Sulani or Tartosa (depending on where the friend lives)

• As a child have a crush on one the their kids

• Have low confidence as a child

• Have your child heir go through an awkward phase.

• You and your sibling become very close with your mom's friends kids up into teenhood.

• Have a glow up as a teen.

• Have both of the siblings start to notice you differently

• Have the sibling you crush on be a bit difficult with you (the push and pull)

• Meet some friends during summer vacation.

• Have a whirlwind Rollercoaster of a will they won't they with each sibling

• Eventually decide who you will choose to be with and fall in love.

• Have a beautiful and strong relationship with the one you chose.

• Have your spouse parent pass during one of the summer trips

• Get through it together after almost being pushed away

• Have as many children as you want starting as a young adult and take over the tradition your mothers started.

GENERATION 13: Fight Song

You end up starting your career in the cutthroat, fast paced world of medicine. You start as a resident learning the ropes and paying your dues. Being a doctor had always been your dream. You loved helping make others feel better, however, you knew you couldn't save everyone. Even still you work hard and do the best you can. During your time a resident, one of the senior doctors starts hitting on you. You politely decline, explaining you're not interested and continue with your work. Little did you know this act of rejection would only make them want you more. What's even worse is they are a highly respected doctor who could ruin your career before even starts.

This doctor continues to make passes at you and even inappropriately touches you. Despite your constant rejections and pleadings to stop they don't and instead threaten you. "If you tell they just make it look like you were the one pursuing them to no end. Afraid of having your dream destroyed, you keep quiet. Constantly looking over your shoulder, in a state of anxiety. However, all hope is not lost as one day the harassment you've endured daily gets noticed by another doctor who steps in to protect you. Keeping an eye on you whenever your harasser is near. Once they able to get definitive proof your luck begins to change and feelings grown between you and your savior.

Join the Doctor Career as a YA

Have one of the doctors continously makes things difficult for you at work.

Have that doctor make passes at your sim

Have another doctor become your savior

Eventually expose your harasser

Develop feelings for your savior throughout this

Max the handiness skill

Max logic skill

Select any branch

Complete the Doctor career

Fall in love with your savior

Get married

Have 3 children

GOOGLE DOCS LINK: PAINT A SMILE Legacy Challenge - Google Docs

#sims #sims 4 #sims4 #sims 4 gameplay #sims 4 challenge #challenge #ts4 legacy #ts4 legacy challenge #ts4 legacy gameplay #paintasmilechallenge #paintasmilelegacy #challenges #sims challenge

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boxofbonesfic · 1 year ago

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Title: 𝙳𝚘𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚕𝚐ä𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛 [4]

Pairing: Dark!Ransom x Reader, Lloyd Hansen x Reader

Summary: Your husband’s twin brother has always made you uncomfortable, and after two years of marriage, you finally find out why.

Warnings: Obsessive Behavior, Possessive Behavior, Stalking, Kidnapping, Basement-wife, Gaslighting, Manipulation, Breeding kink, Smut, Darkfic, Dead Dove: Do not eat!

Word Count: 4,609

A/N: omg i’m back from the dead with an update, lol. thank you all for being patient!! i really hope you all enjoy this next installment. i think it’s pretty safe to say… the shit is hitting the fan. mind the warnings! divider by @firefly-graphics

You sleep so fitfully it wakes both you and Ransom, your husband blinking blearily at you in the dark as he asks if you’re okay.

“I’m fine,” you mutter, turning over onto your side with a frustrated sigh. A quick glance at the digital clock on the bedside table tells you it’s after four in the morning. The last you looked, it had been just after one-thirty, and you aren’t really sure where the time’s gone. You can’t get comfortable, and though the pills normally make you drowsy, you find yourself frustratingly awake. Ransom mumbles something you don’t really catch before settling back down again.

With a huff, you slide out from underneath the covers, and the tile flooring is cool on your feet. If you can’t sleep, you might as well walk. You pull a hoodie out of the dresser, and slip from the room. You squint into the darkened living room, and sigh with relief when you find no one there. On your way past, you sneak a piece of fruit from the refilled bowl on the counter, peeling the banana on your way out the door.

You immediately feel better outside, taking a deep breath. The air is tinged with salt from the sea, and you suck down grateful lungfuls of it, sighing. You don’t know how to explain your drop in mood after dinner, excepting maybe hormones. Either that, or—

No. You shake yourself. You’re not going to think about it. Not going to give that tiny, ridiculous seed any leeway to sprout. Besides, you have more pressing things to be concerned about—like the fact that you’ve already pregnancy’d out of your swimsuit. What you had thought was gas upon packing your bikini a few days ago is now clearly something else. You’re just on the cusp of two months along now, and you supposed—rather foolishly, apparently—that you would not yet be showing.

You glare at the slight protrusion and take another bite of your banana, all while getting the distinct feeling that your belly was glaring right back at you.

“You’re supposed to be working with me here, kid,” you mutter. You know that part of the purpose of this trip is to spring the news, but you don’t want to hop on the train to grandparent-town before you and Ransom are ready. Though it’s just a bump, you rub your belly somewhat absently as you stare down at the ocean.

“Mind if I join you?” Lloyd sounds like Lloyd when he speaks. You turn in the chair to look at him. He raises an eyebrow. You want to say no—and you can tell he knows it too.

“No,” you say after a moment, biting back the put upon sigh that threatens to escape right after it. Try to get along. Try for Ransom. “Go ahead.” He settles himself in one of the other patio chairs, before raising an eyebrow.

“Having trouble sleeping?” He asks, and you nod with a grimace.

“Um, yeah.” You nod, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I think it’s, well. You know.” You point at your stomach, and Lloyd laughs.

“Kid keeping you up already? That was fast.” He gestures down at the slight swell, and even though it’s hidden by your t-shirt, you get the feeling he might have noticed it before you did. “I figured they had to be out of the womb for that.” You laugh in spite of yourself, and the sound surprises both of you. You aren’t used to Lloyd being funny. Well, funny to you.

“Yeah,” you say. “Me too.”

“Have you thought of any names yet?” He asks. You have, privately. Ransom had said he didn’t want to pick a name too early—how can we name a kid we haven’t met, Sweetheart— but you can’t help it, looking up baby name lists in secret, going through each letter section and writing down the ones you like in the notes app on your phone.

“What, did Ransom not tell you?” You say saltily. “We’re waiting.” Lloyd rolls his eyes.

“Yes, but that’s not what I asked. I asked if you thought of any.” Your head snaps up, and you can’t help but look at him, surprised. Lloyd’s observant, you know that’s a quality both he and Ransom share, but you can’t help but be shocked at the depth of said observations.

I didn’t know he knew me so well.

The three of you had known each other since college, of course, but being that you spent most of your time with Ransom—and that hadn’t changed since you’d gotten married—you hadn’t realized Lloyd had had as much time to observe you as he apparently had.

“Well, yes,” you admit after a moment, biting your lip as an embarrassed smile blossoms on your face. “I guess I’ve… thought of a few.” Lloyd smiles and leans in conspiratorially.

“You want to share with the class?”

You narrow your eyes. “Why? So you can run and tell Ransom I didn’t?” Lloyd scoffs, and has the gall to look offended.

“Me? You wound me, Princess. I would never tell tales about something told to me in confidence.” He holds up his right hand and crosses his fingers. “Scout’s honor.”

“You never were a boy scout.” You say flatly, and Lloyd laughs.

“Fine. Agent’s honor, then.” He stares at you imploringly, and with no small amount of hesitance, you fish your phone out of the pocket of your shorts and pull up the tab.

“Well, I… I have them separated, you know. Boy names, girl names, neutral names, I’m sure you get it.”

“Start with the boys.” Lloyd leans back in his chair, his hands behind his head. He reminds of you of Ransom just then, and guilt fills your stomach with cold lead. This is a conversation you should be having with your husband, the father of your child, first and foremost. Not his brother. You swallow thickly.

“Maybe… maybe I should wait for Ransom,” you say guiltily, but Lloyd waves his hand at you, dismissing your concerns.

“Come on, Princess. It’s not like you’re picking now, right?” You nod reluctantly. “Right. We’re family now, aren’t we?” It’s tempting—you’ve been dying to talk names with Ransom. But with him being stuck on waiting until the baby actually comes to discuss it—at least for now—you’ve been shit out of luck.

“He’s my husband Lloyd. It’s a little different.” You reply, and he raises an eyebrow.

“Is it?” He hums, tapping a finger on the wide arm of the chair. His signet rings clack dully against the wood as he cocks his head at you. Your face heats, and you don’t really know why.

“Y-yes,” you say, forcing a laugh. “Very.”

The way he says family makes you shudder, like he wants to say something else entirely—you just don’t know what. Ransom would say you were being ridiculous, looking for something that isn’t there. He did want me to get closer to Lloyd…

“I guess you’re right, though,” You say as you glance back down at the app. “About, um. Family.” Resigned, you scroll down to the first name. “I really like Harlan,” you begin, and Lloyd laughs.

“After the old geezer? God, Ransom’ll love that. Keep going.” You’re pleasantly surprised at how enthused you feel at his approval—perhaps that means Ransom will like them too. Heartened, you continue.

“Oliver, I really like Oliver. And Devin.”

“Devin’s not bad.”

You run through the list, finding it shockingly easy to talk to Lloyd. You reason that it’s because he’s not showing off, or parading something expensive around in front of you with that weird, knowing smile playing at the corners of his mouth. When you run out of names, the two of you sit in silence for a while, watching the dark water.

“I think Ransom will like your list.” Lloyd says after a lengthy silence. “They’re good names.”

“Thanks.” The sky is just barely beginning to lighten at the edges. How long have I been sitting out here? You stand up hurriedly, stretching. “I should, um. Head inside and try to get some sleep before everyone gets up,” you say, shuffling awkwardly between his chair and yours to get to the door behind you. Lloyd makes an approving noise low in his throat.

“Yeah, you need your baby-sleep,” he says, and when you look back at him, he winks. “You have a good night, Princess.” Again, you feel like he wants to say something else with the nickname, like it has an unspoken connotation you don’t know.

“Um, yeah,” you say, turning to avoid his gaze as you shuffle back inside. “You too.”

—

You wake mid-morning, your stomach churning as you race to the bathroom, a hand clapped tightly over your mouth. Acid burns your throat as you empty your after-midnight snack into the bowl, groaning. You lean back against the tub, the porcelain thankfully cool against your back through your t-shirt. It feels good against your heated skin.

You grimace at the foul taste in your mouth as you get up, leaning hard against the sink as you splash water on your face and rinse the bile from your tongue. You’re glad Ransom’s not there—his doting is becoming exhausting, especially now that Lloyd is doing it too. Their constant overbearing presence is enough to make you glad you’d woken up alone. The shower is still wet from Ransom’s turn in it, the stone flooring in the stand-up shower warm to the touch.

The villa’s bathroom is as luxurious as the rest of it, equipped with a jacuzzi tub in the corner opposite the shower. The water is perfect when you step in, and you stand there, absently enjoying the feel of it. The sound of a knock startles you, and you lean your head around the foggy glass divider that separates the shower from the rest of the bathroom.

“Ransom?”

Your husband pokes his head into the bathroom.

“Oh good,” he says, stepping inside. “You’re up. I know you had trouble sleeping last night.” There’s a sympathetic note to his voice. “I’m sorry.” You duck back around the partition, shivering at the cool air that gusts over you with his entrance. He crosses the room with long, purposeful strides to poke his head into the shower. Ransom pays no mind to the water as he kisses your cheek, worried little frown working its way onto his lips.

“Are you okay, Sweetheart?”

You shrug, leaning back into the spray with a sigh. “I’m just tired,” you say, and he nods, pressing another kiss to your forehead. You’re half expecting him to make a joke about you being tired on vacation, but he doesn’t, his eyes dropping down to the swelling curve of your belly.

“Well, you’re baking a person in there,” he replies with a smile. “It makes sense that you’d be tired.”

You make a face, and he laughs. “Still.” You run wet hands through your dripping curls, massaging your scalp with the tips of your fingers. “Ugh, what time is it, anyway?”

“Almost time for lunch,” Ransom says, and you can see his silhouette through the frosted glass as he reaches for the sprayable sunscreen on the bathroom counter. “That’s why I came to get you, I figured you might be getting hungry.” It’s true that your stomach is painfully empty. “And, you know, Linda and Richard are here.”

You groan, smacking your palm to your forehead with a wet clap. “Oh my God. I’m sorry, I totally forgot they were getting in today.” Great. You and Linda haven’t exactly been close—her gin-doused toast at your wedding had been more of a lament over the loss of her son than a celebration of your union. In fact, the only person in a worse mood at the reception than Linda was—

Lloyd.

“It’s okay. They’re settling in, getting all unpacked, and besides, I told Linda you weren’t feeling well.” You swallow your retort as you turn off the water and force a smile. You know your mother-in-law well enough to know she had most definitely taken your absence as a personal affront. Despite your attempts to deepen the relationship, she’d remained aloof, barely tolerating your presence at the few family events you were actually invited to before the wedding, and enduring your frequent presence after said nuptials with simmering contempt.

In fact, you were surprised that she was even coming at all, all things considered. Ransom seems to notice the look on your face and he scoffs, reaching forward to tap the tip of your nose with one finger.

“Don’t be like that.”

“Be like what? I didn’t even say anything,” you grumble, grabbing your towel and shimmying past him. “Besides, it doesn’t matter what I’m like, your mother hates me.” Ransom scowls at you as you plant yourself on the counter, rubbing lotion and sunscreen into your dewy, post shower skin.

“She doesn’t hate you.” You fix him with a look, and Ransom holds his hands up placatingly. “She doesn’t. She just… she’s… protective.” You raise an eyebrow as you stare at him, pressing your lips into a firm line. “Look, all of that stuff aside, she’s here now, and I think she’s really trying to meet us halfway. And I know she’s going to be especially excited about…” He trails off as he rests a hand on the swell of your belly. When you don’t respond, he pouts a little, sticking his lower lip out until it trembles.

“I did it for your father,” he reminds you, and you sigh, throwing your hands up.

“Fine,” you relent. You grimace at Ransom in the mirror, and he pulls you close, pressing a kiss to your wet hair. “But I’m doing the announcement. You’re riding high on your locket gift, you gotta give me something.” You sigh, and he laughs. It’s infectious, and you can’t help but smile.

“Deal.” Ransom kisses your cheek. “Come on, let’s get some breakfast in you two.”

—

Breakfast—brunch, really—is served on the beach. You’re not sure when the tables had been set up, but they’re laden with fresh fruit, waffles, oatmeal, bacon—too many things to count. The anxiety that grips you at the sight of the small crowd gathered there is almost enough to make you turn around, to tell your husband to shove his deal, and return to the safety of your hotel room, but you swallow the urge. As if he’s privy to your thoughts, Ransom squeezes your hand affectionately.

“Don’t worry about it, Sweetheart.” He whispers, one hand on your back as he helps you down the stairs and into the sand. “It’s gonna be like cuddling a basket full of kittens, you’ll see.” You find your mother-in-law in the crowd, her lips pressed thin and brow furrowed as if she’s already displeased about something, despite the fact that they’d only just arrived.

Maybe, if one of those kittens is a grizzly bear.

You offer your husband a strained smile.

“Thanks, Ran.” You make your way across the warm sand, dreading every step.

“Look who’s up!” Your father is the first to see you, waving as he stands up from the table. He claps Ransom on the back vigorously. “Glad you could join us. This one wouldn’t let us touch a thing till you all got here.” He jerks his thumb at Lloyd. He grins at you over your father’s shoulder.

“I thought Sleeping Beauty would appreciate us waiting.” You don’t know why, but you feel guilty about your midnight conversation with your brother-in-law, like you’d crossed into unfamiliar territory. You offer him a strained smile.

“Thanks.”

You make your rounds, greeting your family as you apologize for your tardiness. Your brother hugs you warmly.

“Look at this spread,” he says, gesturing at the table. “Your in-laws go all out.”

“Lloyd doesn’t do anything halfway,” you laugh dryly. “I’m just happy you’re here.” You’re reminded of how intense he’s been this entire trip, how focused he is on ensuring everything goes well—almost like he’s the one trying impress his in-laws, and not Ransom. You spot Linda, deep in conversation with your mother, and as you grimace as Ransom steers you in her direction. When she sees you, her tight mouth curves into what you assume is meant to be a smile.

“And I—Oh! There you are.” She hugs Ransom, pulling him tightly against her chest. Your husband had told you early on that his mother was not the most… publicly affectionate of people, and as she pulls him but wonder who the show is for—you, or your parents. “I’m so happy to see you both.” She greets you in a more muted fashion, but you are still unprepared for her over-familiar embrace. It’s a far cry from the last time you’d seen her, coldly wishing you a “Merry Christmas” over a pack of wholesale department store socks.

You try to smile anyway, awkwardly fitting your arms around her shoulders.

“Its, um, it’s good to see you too?” You curse inwardly at yourself for making it sound like a question, but Linda either doesn’t notice, or doesn’t care as she regards you warmly.

“Lloyd’s told me you all have been having a ball,” Linda laughs, clapping her hands excitedly. “I love that.” You nod stiffly, unsure of what to say.

“Um. Yeah. It’s been lovely.”

“I was just so excited to come, you know family is everything.” She nods sagely, as if dispensing priceless advice, instead of parroting what Lloyd’s been saying to you for four days straight. tWhen it comes down to it, it’s really all we have.”

“I, um. I couldn’t agree more.” You jump a little as Ransom rests his arm around your shoulders, but quickly lean into the reassurance of his touch. “Thanks for coming.”

“We couldn’t be happier,” Ransom replies, leapfrogging effortlessly off of your awkward input. “In fact, we’re so happy all of you could come.” He speaks louder, and you swallow thickly, knowing where he’s leading you. Ransom looks to you pointedly, and suddenly, despite your earlier determination, you find yourself struggling to speak.

“I—um, yes. God, sorry. I’m not good at speeches, you guys know that,” you reply, a self-deprecating little smile worming its way onto your lips. “I’m just, um. I’m really thankful you could all be here. Blending families is never easy.” You look down at your feet. “But I’m so glad we’re all trying. My parents told me that it takes a village to raise a child, so… hopefully I’ve found my village.” You rest a hand on your belly as you peek at your family through your lashes.

Oh no. No, they’re all angry, they—

“Oh my GOD!” Your mother shrieks, before bursting into tears as she charges forward, hugging you tightly. She places her hand over your own, wiping messily at her face with the other. “You think you could have buried the lead any deeper?!” She squats down until she’s face to face with your belly. “Hello in there!”

“Oh my God, Mom—” Your father’s embrace is tighter than ever, and you can feel his happy tears soaking into your hair. “Dad, you’ll kill us both like this,” you wheeze, and he releases you with a cough, wiping nonchalantly at his wet eyes. Linda hugs you again, pressing lipstick-stained kisses to your cheeks as she babbles about how happy she is to be a grandmother, and you bear it with as much patience as you can.

Lloyd clears his throat, holding up both a bottle of champagne and several flutes.

“A toast, maybe?” He asks, before popping the cork. As he’s pouring, he winks at you. “Sorry Princess. None for you.” You return his smile thinly. Lloyd finishes filling the glasses, and your families grab them hurriedly as he lifts his own. Lloyd’s eyes find yours.

“To blending families.”

The words seem to echo in your ears uncomfortably. You mumble your agreement as you look away, twisting your wedding ring with nervous fingers. It lingers in your mind even as you try to dismiss it. Your father clears his throat.

“Now can we eat?”

You’re careful of your queasy stomach, picking at a few slices of toast along with a few mouthfuls of fresh fruit. As the rest of your family socializes, you wander down to the water, standing with your feet in the surf as you eat.

“I just wanted to say congrats again.” Linda repeats herself as she comes to stand next to you. “I really can’t tell you how happy I am.”

“Thank you,” you reply with a stiff nod. “We’re… we’re really excited too.”

“To see my boys be family again… It’s worth anything.”

For a moment you’re confused. “I mean, babies do bring families together,” you say, your brows furrowing. Linda shakes her head.

“You don’t understand. I mean, how could you? You tore them apart without even thinking twice about it. But this is a new chapter for you—for all of us. I think it’s going to be wonderful.”

You scoff disbelievingly. “I didn’t ‘tear your family apart’,” you reply sharply. “You disagreeing with Ransom’s choices—you know what? I really don’t want to argue right now.” You say, smiling tightly. “Thank you for coming. Really.” You ball your hands into tight fists around the rim of your paper plate as you march back toward the table. You toss the plate into the trash with more force than necessary. Ransom rests a worried hand on your shoulder.

“Hey are you—”

“I’m going for a walk.” You grit the words out through your clenched teeth. “I just need a couple of minutes.” Ransom moves to follow you, but you shake your head. “Alone.” You aren’t in the mood to hear him defend his mother, not today. He watches you silently as you about-face, storming off down the beach.

You march steadily until you can no longer hear the sounds of music or conversation, following the shoreline until your family are just vaguely people-shaped specks against the sand. There are more rocks on this side of the little cove, and you pick your way carefully across their slick surfaces as you walk. You bend down to sift through the wet sand for a couple of small stones, and you toss them angrily into the water one by one.

“Family,” you mutter, watching a rock skip across the water’s surface twice before throwing another one. “Maybe that’s where he fucking gets it.” Ransom’s heavy sigh makes you turn, slipping a little on the rocks.

“Careful, don’t want you falling and hurting that pretty head. I need you to tell me where who’s getting what.”

You turn to glare at him sharply. “I told you I needed some space.”

“I gave you some,” he replies, smiling amusedly. “I waited a whole ten minutes before I followed you out here.” You scowl at your husband, before turning back to the water, hurling another stone into the shallow water with a satisfying plop. “Come on, Sweetheart. Talk to me. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

You release an exasperated breath as he makes his way over to you.

“You know what’s up, Ransom.” You fix him with a tired look over your shoulder. “Your mother loves to hate me.”

“I know.” His soft reply takes the wind out of you, leaving you sputtering at his admission.

“I—what?”

“I know. I know she doesn’t like you, Sweetheart. Everything changed after we got married, and… it was hard for her. And for Lloyd.” You roll your eyes at his brother’s mention.

“Lloyd? Please.” You roll your eyes. “So what, he had a little crush on me from before you and I got together. It’s been years.”

“It was more than a little crush.”

“Oh my God, Ran. So what? That makes it okay for her to make me miserable every time I see her?” You moan, throwing your hands up. Ransom catches them, placing them gently back down by your sides before he pulls you to his chest. He smells good—familiar.

“No, no it doesn’t.” He presses a kiss into your hair. “It doesn’t make it okay.” It feels silly to cry over something as minuscule as this, but you can’t help it, frustrated tears filling your eyes as you press your face into your husband’s shirt. He strokes your back quietly as you sob, rubbing soothing circles into your skin until you run out of tears.

“Stupid pregnancy hormones,” you sniff, drawing the back of your hand roughly across your face.

“Is that what we’re blaming for this?” Ransom asks amusedly, and you swat at him, still sniffling even as a small smile plays at the corners of your mouth.

“Yes.” You nod stoutly. “Get ready for that for the next nine months.”

Ransom laughs. “Noted.” He leans down to kiss you, and you let him, sinking gratefully into his arms. He doesn’t stop, though, nipping at your lower lip as he hums with pleasure. You giggle against his mouth as Ransom’s hands find your hips, squeezing them. There are plenty of large boulders sticking out of the sand, and Ransom takes full advantage, walking you backward until you’re pressed against one. You hiss as the cold, wet stone meets your skin, but it’s easy to ignore it as your husband kisses his way down your jaw.

“You’re so fucking perfect,” Ransom mumbles, making quick work of the buttons on your shirt. The bikini top you’re wearing underneath is quickly pushed up to allow Ransom to roll your puffy nipples between his eager fingers. He deftly undoes the button on your shorts, and you let him tug them down one leg before he lifts the other, wrapping it around his hip.

You whine as he tugs aside your swimsuit bottoms, his thick fingers stroking gently at your already damp folds.

“Already wet, Princess,” he says with a sultry chuckle. “Gonna blame the pregnancy hormones for that, too?” He drags his thumb through your slick folds, and you stare up at him, your hips twitching as you whine. He grins at you, before popping his wet thumb into his mouth.

Princess. You don’t know why it gives you pause, your cottony thoughts slow to connect the dots as he grinds the heel of his palm against your swelling clit. He’s hard already, his cock pressing hard into the soft meat of your thigh, throbbing.

“Fuck—wait, Ran—” He kisses you again, sweeping your words away with the sweet press of his tongue. Princess.

“Don’t wanna wait,” he growls against your lips, and you feel him fumble between your bodies for a moment before his bare cock slides against you. You can’t help but moan at the feel of it, the thick tip of him pressing enticingly against your entrance. The stretch and burn of his entry is delicious, and for a moment you’re entirely wordless, staring down the line of your own body as he forces you open.

“Fuck, Princess, can’t get over how tight you are—”

Your eyes widen as he bottoms out, the sharp chords of pleasure cut short as fear takes their place. You stare up at him as terror curdles the desire growing in your belly, his name a fearful whisper on your lips.

“Lloyd?”

He grins, pulling out slow before sinking back in to the hilt.

“Aw, Princess,” he says, rolling his hips into yours with heavy, languorous strokes. “What gave it away?”

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Thank you for reading! Please check out my masterlist for other, similar works, and follow my library blog, @box-of-bones-library for updates. ❤️

#chris evans characters #chris evans fanfiction #ransom drysdale imagine #lloyd hansen imagine #ransom drysdale smut #lloyd hansen smut #ransom drysdale x reader #lloyd hansen x reader #ransom drysdale x you #lloyd hansen x you #ransom drysdale x y/n #lloyd hansen x y/n #lloyd hansen #ransom drysdale #darkfic #dark au #smut #boxofbonesfic

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frozen-snowflakesandsunflowers · 4 months ago

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D23: Frozen: What to expect | Discussion

D23 is just a week away, coming next weekend and we're expected to get a lot of Disney content! But will Frozen be a part of it? I believe so, yes. Frozen has two films coming out, Frozen 3 and 4 and also has a series coming out called Frozen: Winter Festival based on the leaked dolls so it's a must that Disney feeds us new Frozen content!

Please note that I'll just be guessing at what they could announce at the panel. Nothing's confirmed yet. These are my thoughts and opinions based on the evidence we have. What kind of Frozen content could we be expecting exactly? Let me break it down.

Frozen 3 and 4

With the announcement of Frozen 4 earlier this year with Frozen 3 already in the works, it's likely Disney will give us the full release date for Frozen 3 and 4. So far we know Frozen 3 will be released in 2026. Given the previous two films release dates, the third and fourth installment will also most likely be in November. Earlier this year (or was it last year?...) a few release date slots were leaked and one of them was 27 November 2026. Same for Frozen 4, except the date was 24 November 2027, a year after Frozen 3 like i expected given it's a two set film. So we assume Frozen 3 and 4 will have those as its release date but that has not been confirmed as of yet but it should do during the D23 expo.

Series

A few months back, we were all surprised by the leaks of brand new Frozen dolls with will be available on 15th September (A day before my birthday!). The shorts are set to release this fall. What's so special about dolls? Well it's also the information that comes with it. The info can be found in the link above but it states that the dolls, with new outfits, are part of Frozen: Winter Festival. We all thought at the time that this was a short like Frozen Fever, Olaf's Frozen Adventure and Once Upon a Snowman. But later on with another set of dolls, in the same outfit but included Olaf, the Nokk and a carriage. The description of the set reveals Frozen: Winter Festival is a short-form series. Short-form series are series with episodes under 20 - 30 minutes.

This is one of the doll packs in a box:

The box is what I want to draw attention too because it includes the recent new Elsa render/ still and a new logo design for Frozen. The title is the same but what it's in, the diamond shape with a detail pattern on the sides. The box has a blue purplish pink colour on it and the background seems to be of the woods we see in the first film. It can't be the Enchanted forest because it doesn't have a lake, and this is not the dark sea because that's part of the beach. Some of you might be like what's the big deal but for some it might feel a sense of nostalgia because this aesthetic of the box is similar to Frozen's aesthetic. Frozen 2 had the autumn leaf and a lot of things felt different. Change was the element of the movie anyways. But this short could be a mix of Frozen and Olaf's Frozen Adventure which I'm super excited for!

With this series set to make the beginning of Winter we expect a similar vibe to Olaf's Frozen Adventure with the holidays theme. Here are the descriptions for Elsa and Anna's dolls:

What we'll see in the short, based on the dolls and their description:

• The main Frozen gang will host an inaugural (mark the begging of winter) Winter Festival to celebrate Arendelle, family and friends

• Some familiar faces

• Two new looks for Elsa and Anna: A ball gown and a festival attire

• The Nokk will take part in the event

I also just realised Elsa's birthday is on the Winter Solstice, December 21st aka the beginning of Winter! So I would love to see Elsa's birthday addressed in the series! We have Anna's birthday and now we could have Elsa's birthday! And it's a double celebration because we should have Elsa's birthday and definitely the Winter Festival.

At the expo, we should have an update about this short-form series and get a full release date. A trailer and first look with a poster is possible too if it's set to come this fall, which is just around the corner. And also the cast reveal and story synopsis.

The series will be animated like the movies and shorts. Short-form series usually, as far as I know, air in TV but I'm not sure if this will air in TV or go straight onto Disney plus.

Any other new Frozen content?

Other than the movies, Frozen 3 and 4 and the short-form series, Frozen: Winter Festival, nothing else has been leaked or confirmed at this point with regards to the franchise so I can't say what else to expect. The team are good at revealing unexpected surprises with Frozen 3's announcement than Frozen 4's and then we have doll leaks revealing an upcoming short-form series (could be accidentally on purpose) so who knows what else is in store for us. (Though I know not many of you will want to expect or have high hopes which is fair)

The series is probably there to keep us fed until we have the big meal (Frozen 3 and 4) in two years. After the series is over, we'll probably have to wait til Frozen 3 and 4 for another big Frozen content. Announcements like casting could be released in 2025, next year and trailers we'll get in 2026 if it follows the same pattern as the previous two films. But then again you never know. We never expected the series so who knows, Disney could surprise us at any time.

And that's all I believe will be announced Frozen wise as far as we know. Anything else they've got planned will also be announced unless they're saving it for a later event. If you guys are expect anything else to be announced in D23, let me know!

#disney frozen #frozen #frozen 3 #frozen 4 #frozen winter festival #d23 #wdas

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scoonsalicious · 8 months ago

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Unwanted: Chapter 17, Unanswered - Pt. 4

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, Anxiety

Word Count: 612

Previously On...: Bucky missed his your check-in call.

A/N: ::Ominous music plays::

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when I update, please enable notifications from my Blog page!

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Sadly, tag list is closed; Tumblr will not let me add anyone new. If you want to be notified when I update, please Follow me for Notifications!) @jmeelee @cazellen @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @blackhawkfanatic @buckybarnessimpp @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @pattiemac1@les-sel @dottirose @winterslove1917 @harperkenobi @ivet4 @casey1-2007 @mrsevans90 @steeph-aniie @bean-bean2000 @beanbagbitch @peachiestevie @wintrsoldrluvr @shadowzena43

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You found Steve lifting weights in the training room, a group of agents, both male and female, pretending not to be transfixed with the way his muscles glistened under the strain of more weight than any normal man should be able to bench. You ignored the whispers that built up as you walked toward him, no doubt dumb gossip continuing to spread after the release of those fucking idiotic articles. You wondered briefly if you could sue the publications for slander. Or was it libel? You never remembered the difference.

This was America, right? you thought. Wasn’t litigation one of your inalienable rights under God and the Constitution and Santa Claus, or something? You made a note to talk to Legal.

Steve looked surprised to see you when you called out his name to get his attention, no doubt expecting you to avoid him like the plague, all things considered. “Hey, Pocket,” he said, a little too nonchalantly as he set down his barbell and wiped the sweat from his brow. “Don’t tell me you’ve come to ogle me, too.” He nodded toward the not-so-subtle group of agents. “I’m beginning to feel a little objectified.”

“Have you heard from Bucky?” you asked, wanting to get straight to the point. Steve looked at you for a few moments, just blinking, before you went on, your voice growing faster and more high pitched as you spoke: “I haven’t heard from him since last night, and I’ve been calling and texting him all day, but he’s not getting back to me. I never heard from him after the raid, and then after the articles… He missed our regular check-in, and I’ve been worried sick. What if something happened to him? What if–”

“Whoa, Pocket,” Steve put an arm on your shoulder, shutting you up and steadying you. “Calm down, okay? Take a breath for me.” He waited on you to do just that before he continued. “Buck’s just fine. He and Jade were successful in their objective, and they’re on their way home now. There’s nothing for you to worry about.”

His words took you by surprise. He was on his way home? “But… Why didn’t he call me back, Steve? All day, I’ve been thinking he either hates my guts because he saw those damned articles, or that he’s lying dead in some godforsaken Russian forest. And he’s just been completely fucking fine this entire time?”

“Hey,” Steve said, rubbing a hand comfortingly along your upper arm, “I’m sure he’s got a perfectly good explanation for not getting in touch,” he told you. “He radioed Communications from the Quinjet so, maybe something’s up with his phone. Don’t get worked up until you’ve talked to him, alright?”

You nodded, wanting to believe Steve’s words, wanting to let them give you comfort. “Did he say anything?” you asked him. “About the articles? Or give you a message to give to me?”

Steve shook his head. “No, I’m sorry, Pocket. He just said they’d successfully cleared their objective and they were on their way home. That’s it.”

You blinked repeatedly, not sure what to make of what Steve had just told you. The only positive thing you could take away from it was that Bucky was safe. He was safe and he was coming home. All other answers would have to wait.

“Yeah, okay,” you nodded dumbly, “thanks Steve. I appreciate it.” You turned to head back to your room, thoughts spiraling until the only thing you could coherently think was: If Bucky had been able to get in touch with Steve, it wasn’t that he was out of contact; he simply hadn’t wanted to contact you.

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#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes #mcu bucky barnes #james barnes

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outsideratheart · 2 years ago

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Plans (Alexia Putellas x reader)

A/N: This idea has been in my head for while but whenever it came to writing it my mind would go blank. I hope you guys like it.

To those around you your departure from Wolfsburg didn't come as a surprise but the rest of the world couldn't believe they would let you go considering the way you performed at the Euros with Germany. For you it wasn't about the money like the rest of the world assumed, you wanted to play for a team that valued you and over the last 18 months Wolfsburg hadn't done that.

You had been playing football since you were 4 years old, got your first professional contract at 16 years old and was the youngest player male or female to become the starting goalkeeper. Throughout your career you never picked up any injuries other than a niggle here and there. That was until a reckless tackle left you needing major surgery on your shoulder and put you on the side line for almost a year. Your return to the starting 11 came in the second leg of the champions league quarter final against Barcelona where you managed to keep a clean sheet and contributed heavily to giving the Spanish side their first loss of the season.

When it came to your contract negotiations you made things very clear, you were the number 1 goalkeeper. It wasn't a claim fuelled with arrogance, it was backed by facts. They had different plans, ones that didn't align with yours so you asked your manager to put some feelers out. Throughout the euros he would keep you updated and when he called to say Sandra Panos was taking an early retirement to spend more time with her family and that Barcelona was interested, you didn't think twice about it. During the summer tournament you, along with your manager, had several video calls with the Catalonian side and came to terms on a contract which pleased both you and the team. They only had one request; it had to kept a secret until Sandra made her announcement.

It's how you found yourself standing outside Joan Camper on 2nd August just two days after you lost the final. You were told to take a few days off to recover from the loss and to take some time off but you didn't want to. Losing the final in extra time was brutal and you couldn't sit around doing nothing or you would obsess over every minute detail.

"You're the new signing?"

You turn on your heels to see Ingrid walking rapidly towards you with Mapi not too far behind her.

"I cannot confirm nor deny" you briefly hugged the Norwegian before she introduced you to Mapi.

The three of you walk into the facility but you are soon pulled aside to sign your contract and make things official. The process itself is tedious, page after page requires your signature and several members of the higher ups take a photo with you. Then the part you were waiting for comes, they give you your shirt. It felt weird seeing your name on the back of anything that wasn't Wolfsburg and it fills you with a bitter sweet feeling even though you know the change was needed.

Shortly after you are led out onto the field so you can be officially introduced to the team. Many of them you had met before when representing Germany but now they were your team mates and there were a couple that had already held that title in the past. You had already seen Ingrid earlier in the morning, Frido welcomes you with open arms stating how happy she is that you're both on the same team again. There was only one person left.

"No way did they let you go" Caro shouts as she runs across the training pitch. She leaps into your arms as soon as she's close enough. Caroline is one of you best friends and you were devastated when you learnt she was leaving Wolfsburg after 6 years.

"Barely even fought for me" you whispered in her ear.

She jumped down and you can tell that she is caught aback by what you've said but she hadn't seen the way they treated you after your injury.

"I bet the girls wasn't happy"

"Not in the slightest. I had to keep it a secret until Panos announced her retirement. Svenja was the first one I told, then Poppi who isn't talking to me, not properly anyways"

After the quick catch up you watch the team train from the sidelines. You wasn't allowed to join in until you completed your medical. The team was worried about putting you to work so soon after the euros so they wanted to put you through some tests before they let you put on your gloves.

As a football fan it was amazing watching the Spanish champions train. The tika taka style is something you have always admired and to see it up close, well it filled you with excitement for the upcoming season. You see Mapi struggling to defend against Caro and you see an opportunity to gain some points with the defender.

"Mapi, come here" you call her over when they split for a drinks break. A few of the players watch as you whisper some tactics in her ear then show her the positioning your former team mate uses. When the scrimmage resumes you watch as Mapi follows your advice and stops Caro twice in a row.

When Mapi looks your way she points at you leading the Norwegian to realise what you must have told her.

"That's not fair" Caro complains.

"How did you know what she'd do?" Ana asks you.

"It's my job to know how attackers think so that I can stop them. Caro is a creature of habit and hasn't changed her style since she left Wolfsburg so it was easy" your football IQ had helped you become the player you are and it's the reason why teams did more research on you than any other goalkeeper.

"Clearly not if you couldn't stop her at Camp Nou" Pina's voice is laced with smugness.

Out the corner of your eye you can see a couple of players shaking their head, a few even burying their face in their hands.

"It's hard to do that when you’re watching from the stands Claudia" the young forward was clearly confused "I had only just been cleared by our doctor so I wasn't playing"

Pina went bright red when she realises the mistake she had made.

"Alexia's going to love playing with her. I wonder if she knew Y/N was signing with us" Marta whispers to Caro.

"I think she knew before us but not by much. Just wait until they can play together, the way their minds work will be make them dangerous. Speaking of, Y/N!" Caro shouts over to you "Have you met Alexia yet?"

"No, I heard she is coming in later for some physio so I will meet her after my physical"

The team share a look. Alexia sang your praises often and it was no secret that she admired you not only on the pitch. They wished they could be a fly on the wall for the first meeting between the two of you.

As expected you pass your medical with no issues. The cardio test is easy and even though you were fresh off a gruelling tournament you showed no signs of fatigue. The only thing they were a little cautious on was your shoulder, in the lead up the winning England goal you were taking out by a white shirt and during the ceremony you were seen holding your elbow to limit the pressure on the joint.

The physio asks if you want the TV on whilst she works. You connect your phone and play a reply of the Euros final. The doctor scoffs beside you but doesn't say anything. After the champions league they learnt the importance of understanding a loss.

You are laid on a treatment table as the physio tries her best to turn your shoulder inside out. The pain was there and it was more than you were willing to admit but you had a strict recovery routine and you didn't do it after the final so you were a little sore. The physio tells you to lay on your front so she can look at the muscle behind your shoulder. Your focus is 100% on your breathing and trying to relax, so much so that you don't hear the door open or the sound of crutches travel across the room. It is only when you hear her speaking to one of the other physios closest do you wave yours off so you can finally meet your new captain.

You wait for her to finish talking before introducing yourself, only Alexia beats you to it.

"I never thought we get the chance to play together. I'm Alexia" Alexia is quick to remove her arm from one of her crutches so that she is able to shake your hand.

“Y/N Y/L/N”

Even though it has been a month since her surgery you can tell she isn't used to her crutches so you pat the closest treatment table so she can sit down.

“Mucho gusto”

“Igualmente”

Alexia's eyes widen at your Spanish response, even more so that it sounds authentic even with your german accent.

"Surprised the German speaks Spanish” You laugh a little at her shocked response. Truth is as soon as a potential move to Barcelona got brought up you started studying the language straight away. You had welcomed many people to Wolfsburg and you told them the same thing 'learn the language and get to know to the culture'. You had been putting in the work on the first one but given this is your first day in Barcelona you hadn't had to chance to experience the second.

"Mm-hmm" she was impressed and you knew it.

“It would be ignorant of me to move to a different country and not make the effort to learn their language. I was just doing some extra physio work but i'll get out of your hair so you can start yours"

"No, no. I don't mind you been here" Alexia surprised herself by allowing you to be there when she does her rehab. Since the injury she has been keeping herself to herself but there was something about you that made her feel comfortable. Maybe it was the fact that you had been through something similar to her, you understand what it was like to be at your peak then have everything come crashing down.

Alexia gets changed into some training gear and when she re enters the room you are stood up as the doctor assesses the movement of your recently healed shoulder. Your upper body was covered in noting but a sports bra revealing your sculpted arms and toned abs.

Alexia admired the view in front of her, maybe for a little bit longer than she should have for when she meets your eyes she sees that you've caught her.

“I’m sorry, I...I" Alexia stumbles over her words and you find it adorable "I was —”

“Checking me out" you finish her sentence, smirking as you do so when you see her cheeks flush red "Don’t be embarrassed, own it. Do you want me to turn around so you can have a full look”

Alexia laughs as you walk back towards the bench as if there's a catwalk “enjoying the view from behind?” you almost shout back to her

“Yes” you turn hastily, shocked at the new confidence Alexia has "What? You said to own it"

"Touche Putellas, touche"

Alexia starts her rehab whilst you sit back on the bench wearing a compression sleeve which is hooked up to a machine to monitor the pressure. After twenty minutes she notices what is playing on the TV and he first instinct to to scold you for tourturing yourself but it would make her a hypocrite because she did the same thing after Turin.

It gets to the final ten minutes and you know what is about to come. You fists turn into balls as Chloe Kelly's shot hits the back of the net. Your eyes close for a brief moment and a single tear falls down your cheek as you do so.

"It was a handball" the soft voice brought you back to the present.

"Doesn't matter. I should have been better" you couldn't bring yourself to look at Alexia.

"It's not on you Y/N" Alexia tries to console you but she knew nothing would take away the sting of losing such an important game "I know it's easy to blame yourself when your team loses but a loss cannot be placed on one person's shoulders"

"Especially if that person isn't able to play" you knew that you might be pushing the boundaries of your friendship which was formed not even an hour ago but you knew she needed to hear it.

"It's that obvious" you send her a look that says yes "It's hard not to think what would've happened if I could have played but i'm coming to term with this" she point to her knee showing that she was starting to accept her injury.

"I don't know if this will help but I knew we would beat you before the Euros even started. After the Italy game I saw your team's weak spot. Your number 10 Hermoso"

You see Alexia wince at the mention of her former team mate and ex girlfriend.

"I take your face as confirmation that the rumours were true" Alexia nods her head "Ok well back to what I was saying. Hermoso played a bigger role than your team realised and you couldn't replace her, it was obvious you were still experimenting when the Euros started. So let's say you were healthy because I worked really hard to build what we called an APS, Alexia Putellas--

"Segura?"

"Close but the S stood for strategy, the Alexia Putellas Strategy. I worked with Lena Oberdorf for months perfecting it and I am confident when I say she would have made your job incredibly difficult when we played each other"

"I guess there's only one way to find out" Alexia says as she continues her rehab. The thought of playing against you and seeing this APS in person gave her a little bit of extra motivation.

It is almost an hour later when Alexia is done and although you finished over 45 minutes ago you didn't want to leave. You were enjoying getting to know your new team mate with it been just the two of you. The first few questions revolved around your career, after that you refused to talk shop, normal question only. You discussed everything from top 5 movies of all time to favourite Christmas memory. Without knowing it you had both put each other on pedestals and this time alone together made you both human.

Before going home you had to get your new training clothes from the locker room. When you leave the building you see Alexia sitting on a bench typing furiously on her phone.

"Is everything ok?" you ask the midfielder.

"My sister is suppose to be picking me up and now I can't get a hold of her"

You hear her leave a voicemail for who you can only guess is her sister. The way she furiously speaks leaves you no chance of understanding what she said.

"That wasn't Spanish"

"Catalonian"

"I'll add it to my list" you joke.

Alexia is clearly stressed out about the situation and it leaves you no choice but to be her knight is shinning armour.

"Calm down" you place you hand over her phone screen "If you want I can take you home"

"To my mum's"

"Ok, let's go" You take her bag before she can argue and lead her to where you've parked.

Once in the car you give Alexia your phone so she can pick the music. The drive to her mum's is done in comfortable silence, the only sound was Spanish music and Alexia's instructions. You pull up outside, get her crutches and bag from the boot before helping her of the car and following her to the front door. The path isn't exactly even so you are cautious of every step she takes. Her mum, having not recognised the car outside her house, meets you both at the door.

"Querida, I thought Alba was picking you up" She takes the bag from you.

"Me too but she never showed"

Alexia's mum stays in the door way with you and Alexia on the other side of the threshold. It's almost like Alexia doesn't want the day to end as much as you do.

"Are you going to introduce me to your new friend?"

"Mum, this is Y/N Y/L/N our new goalkeeper. She played for Germany and she used to play for Wolfsburg"

"I thought she looked familiar. She's the one you couldn't stop talking about the other night when we watched the final. Sorry about the result Carino"

You still didn't like the pity in people's eyes when the give you their condolences for the loss. It is something that Alexia is quick to pick up on.

"Y/N this is my mum Eli Putellas Segura"

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs Putellas or is it Segura" the panic in your tone is small but it's heard by the two Putellas women.

"You can call me Eli. Thank you for driving my daughter home. Would you like to come in for a drink?"

Truth is you would love to but you had already made plans.

"Maybe another time. Ingrid is letting me stay with her for the next fews day and in return I agreed to cook dinner"

"Did the club not help you find an apartment?" Alexia asks, her eyebrow slightly crooked as frustration grows within her.

"They did but for obvious reasons they didn't expect me to be in Barcelona so soon. Something about taking some time off" you joke.

"And you wanted to get back to work" Alexia understands you completely.

"See, you get it. If only everybody did instead of worrying about me" you laugh off your wish.

Eli watches the two of you go back and forth for a few more minutes. She couldn't believe you had only ever met on the pitch because the sight before her looks more like a reunion between old friends than a scene between two people who only got introduced today.

Both mother and daughter stand by the door as they watch you get back into your car.

"So what's going on between you two then?" Eli wasn't blind and the connection that was slowly forming between you and Alexia was clear to anyone with eyes.

"I don't know. She will be good for the team though"

"And for you. I haven't seen you smile like that since you came back from England"

"She understands what I'm going through" Alexia's reply was short and sweet.

Over the next few months you continued your rehab sessions even though you were fully cleared. You even coincided your sessions with Alexia's when possible so that you could spend as much time with her . You even took part in her workouts on top of your own. It was exhausting but totally worth it.

You suggested that the club invest in a reflex grid, it was made up of several shapes connect by ropes. Every time the ball hit a shape, it would send it in a different direction. Some nights you would stay behind with the goalkeeper coach to do some extra practices using your new toy. Alexia would watch from the window of the treatment room and even came outside to watch you train. The team saw the way you brought out the old side of Alexia, the one they feared went away when she had her surgery. They wanted to know if anything was going on but your former Wolfsburg team mates told them that you were a very private person and given that Alexia is in the middle of rehabbing her knee, you most likely wouldn't have made a move.

It was after one of those late night sessions that Alexia joined you on the pitch. She hadn’t done it much because she hated being on the grass and not being able to lace up her boots. You were tidying up when you saw her walking over.

“You looked like you were having fun?” Alexia helps you put the balls back in the bag. You can see her thinking about doing something with it but ultimately decides against it.

“Don’t be sad Alexia, you’ll be the one taking shots at me before you know it. As for me having fun I was. I saw you watching, did you enjoy the show?” You judged her slightly.

“I’m gay” she blurts out.

When you turn to face Alexia you see her stood a few meters behind you. Clearly she stopped walking and you didn’t realise.

“I’m honoured that your feel comfortable enough to share this information, I really am but you’ve got to know by now that I already knew this”

“Then why haven’t you made a move? We have been flirting for months, I spend more time with you than anyone else yet you haven’t asked me out. Why? Is it because I’m broken?” She points to her knee. Even now she was still coming to terms with her injury and it caused her confidence to take a huge hit.

You walk back to where she was standing. She has no idea how difficult it was for you to respect where she is in her life.

“Alexia” you take a hold of her hand “I like you more than I have anyone in a very long time. You’re beautiful, strong and when I was at my lowest you put me back together when you had your own issues to focus on. I would love nothing more than to take you out for dinner but right now you have to focus on your recovery. Trust me when I say I have plans for us once you're back on the pitch”

“You do?” Alexia asks in disbelief.

With a simple nod of your head a huge grin appears on her face.

“So right now I won't act on my feelings. Instead I will stay by your side and be there in whichever way possible"

"Vale" the way Alexia smiles and how it reaches her eyes gives you an incredible feeling. Then again everything she did had you feeling a certain type of way, you couldn't quite put a finger on what it was but in a time were things were new and uncertain she brought you peace.

It was the right thing to do yet you regretted your decision of not pursuing Alexia every time you were near her. Since the night you admitted your plans the energy between the two of you changed and when you were in a room together the tension was heavy and obvious to anyone who took a few seconds to watch you both.

It was during media day when the team really saw the connection between the two of you. The morning was spent doing interviews and the afternoon was spent taking photos for social media and the team website. The last set of photos to be taken was of the team wearing a new limited edition kit. At first everything was normal but when it came to Alexia's turn you could sense something was off. You knew she hated getting her photo taken especially when it was this staged but it was something deeper than that. You watched as she shakily tied her boots and re-adusted her socks for the umpteenth time. It is only when you see her staring at her knee do you understand what's going on.

"Give us the room" you tell the other players.

Many of them argue that they need to get changed too but quite frankly you don't care. Even when the women around you try to get your attention you don't take your eyes of Alexia whose own begin to well up ever so slightly as she gets more and more overwhelmed.

"Now!" you raise your voice this time and it doesn't come as a surprise when the team do as they're told.

As soon as they leave you close the door behind them and lock it. When you turn around you see Alexia's hands shaking as she once again adjusts her socks.

"Talk to me Ale"

You crouch down so that you can see her. Her hands tremble as you hold them tightly.

"My socks won't cover it"

Many people didn't understood the psychological affect scars had and the visible ones took a knock to your confidence that was difficult to overcome. You knew this feeling all two well but it's the first time you see Alexia struggling with the reminder of her surgery.

“Every scar tells a story. This one, if I remember correctly” you point the scar on her right index finger “tells me you're not as skilled in the kitchen as you are on the pitch” Alexia sniffled as a small chuckle escapes her mouth “and this one” you place your hand just above her knee not wanting to overstep her boundaries, she nods her head letting you know it’s ok for you to touch it.

Alexia's breath hitches slightly as you stroke over the reminder of her ACL surgery. The goosebumps that form on her legs let you know the affect your touch has on her but now isn't to time to tease.

“This one tells the story of a strong women who was given the option to give up but she chose to fight. It tells me that even when she wanted to give up she kept going. It shows bravery and resilience” despite a voice telling you not to, you place a gentle kiss on her knee.

"It reminds me that I'm broken" Alexia tries to swallow the ball of emotion that is rising the the surface.

This side of Alexia is one that you have gotten to known well over the past few months but it seems like this time the pain runs deeper than before. She had been cleared to train on the pitch starting next week but the scar on her knee is a constant reminder of how quickly things can change.

"You're not broken Alexia and you should wear that scar with pride"

"Like you do yours?" she is quick to respond and it's clear she is trying to pick a fight because it means you won't talk about her scar anymore.

You quickly take off your shirt and chuck it aside revealing three scars on your left shoulder. She trails her thumb along each scar in a similar motion to what you did only minutes ago.

"Happy?" you raise your eyebrows as you hope to have satisfied the woman in front of you.

"You hide your scars Y/N and you can't say you don't. You swapped shirts with Lola when we played Atleti but you waited until you were in the tunnel so that nobody saw you without a shirt on"

"Maybe I just didn't want you to be jealous when people start ogling my sculpted physique"

"Y/N I'm being serious. I've used you as inspiration for my recovery. You worked hard, got your spot back on the team and lead your to country to the Euros final"

You groan slightly as she mentions the final. It was still a sore subject and she knew it.

"I know you don't like talking about it but you should. You worked your way back to a major tournament, it's something I hope to do as well. Don't you see that you are telling me not to be ashamed of my scar when you are of yours"

Alexia was right, she knew it and you did too. Your team mates, past and present, would consider you a great leader and the reason for that is because you would never ask them to do something you wouldn't do yet this exactly what you are asking of Alexia.

An idea comes to mind. You may not be the captain of this team but you still have to lead by example and that it exactly what you planned on doing.

"Come with me" you hold you hand out and Alexia takes it happily.

Your entrance to the other room gains the attention of the rest of the team. You aren't wearing a shirt and Alexia is holding your hand.

"I'll show them mine if you show them yours, ok?" you ask Alexia who hesitantly nods her head.

You ask a member of the staff for a pair of scissors and ignore the questions coming from your team mates and the co-ordinator of the photoshoot who is reminding you that there is only one goalkeeper shirt. A few gasps can be heard when you cut the sleeves off your shirt.

"Y/N! What are you doing?" someone tries to stop you but they are too late.

"Time to show the world that injuries do not define you and your scars are not something you have to hide"

You see Alexia smiling ear to ear when she realises what you are doing. After putting on your goalkeeper gloves, you grab and ball, hold it forward and turn slightly so that you scars are fully exposed. The photographer begins taking photos immediately and is loving your new found confidence.

"I want to do it too" Mapi shouts before taking her shirt off and cutting the sleeves.

You can see a staff member glaring at you but you can only mouth an apology. You ruining the kit was one thing but now there were two shirts which were now made of less material than the others.

Alexia watches you mess around with Mapi. She knows that you have done this for her but she still isn't sure. A couple of the other players join you in taking less than professional photos but it sums up the team perfectly; a group of a people who mess around together and enjoy each others company.

"Alexia" you sing and she saunters over to you.

Doubt still lingers in her eye but you reassure her that it will be ok and she believes you. She pulls her sock down revealing the full length of her scar.

"Beautiful" you lower your tone so that only she can hear you.

Upon request, you and Alexia pose for a few photos together. You're favourite is the one where you are down on one knee pretending to shine Alexia's boot. It was the perfect shot as it showed both her scar and yours.

She cannot be sure if its the vulnerability she is feeling or the fact that you have once again gone out of your way to make her feel better that causes her to do what she does next. She wraps her arms around your neck and pulls you close. The proximity in which you faces are is the biggest challenge you've faced yet. Every part of you is yearning to feel her lips on yours but you somehow show restraint. Alexia on the other hand doesn't care for such thing.

You could hear a pin drop when she leans in to kiss you just on the corner of your mouth. It is the quickest kiss you have ever experienced and leaves you frozen in place. Did she really just do that in front of the team?

"Thank you Y/N"

She walks away without saying another word. If she were to turn around you would the smugness of her face. After finding out you wanted to pursue something more with her, Alexia bided her time, waiting to strike. Her injury made her feel helpless but she needed to she you just how daring she can be.

"Scheiße" you run your fingers through your hair as you try to bury the desire to go after the Catalonian and finish what she started.

"How's that will power now?" Caro teased you.

In that moment you regretted confiding in the Norwegian about your feelings for the captain.

"On the verge of being non existent"

"Can we get some cold water for the keeper please" Mapi jokes.

Since that day Alexia wasted no opportunity she had to tease and rile you up. It's as if coming to terms with her scar was the last thing on her list, other than her first game but that was coming soon. She had been given the clear the start training with the ball and when it came to set pieces and ball in motion training she requested that you be in goal because she knew you wouldn't takei it easy on her and that she would have to earn a goal with you in between the sticks.

Weeks pass and soon enough it is Alexia's first game back. The way the crowd erupts as she enters the pitch at the 67th minute is enough to make goosebumps rise to the surface of your skin. It showed just how much this club loves her and seeing a stray tear fall down her cheek shows you what the club means to her.

When the final whistle is blown the team waste no time in celebrating the return of their captain but you choose to observe from a distance. You were still new to the team and you didn't want to intrude on a moment between family because that's what this team was.

As Alexia walks towards you she has a huge smile on her face and you know exactly what she is feeling. Even the way she walked was different, it's almost as if she was lighter.

You open your arms out expecting a short hug but Alexia's arms tighten around you and you feel her tears fall down your neck.

"It's ok, let it out"

She takes a few moment to gather her emotions and with a deep breathe she pulls away to face you.

"I'm back on the pitch. You know what this means"

Of course you did. you haven't been able to think about anything else since the team got told about Alexia's return game.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow at 6"

"That's it?" you knew alexia had a need for control and her knowing only when you'll pick her up sent her inner control freak into panic.

"That's all you need to know for now"

The two of you do a lap around El Johan as you take up the atmosphere. It truly was like nothing else you've experienced before, the support of the fans was unmatched. In the past few months you surprised yourself at the amount of restraint you showed Alexia but in this moment it was worth it. She was fit, healthy and back doing the thing she loved.

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