#a point :')

[the-bloody-sadist]

Do you mind if I ask you some random thing? I used to love shounen and shoujo manga equally....But ever since I found BL manga 3 years ago, my interest in shoujosei (especially het romance) decrese a lot, and what I search for is just the dynamic between mc (male) and male lead...I don't want to read mc (female) and male lead or mc (male) and female lead...And what I want to read mostly are just mlm or wlw stories....

What do you think is happening to me? Is it really weird?

Ooooooooo I LOVE YOU FOR ASKING ME THIS QUESTION!! THAT'S SO FASCINATING! THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING ME! If my friends know anything about me it's that I LOVE to psychoanalyze, so let's see what I can do here *cracks every knuckle*---

I'll preface by saying I have NOT read any het romance in the MANGA world at least--or otherwise japanese/chinese/korean sources--but did grow up only reading/watching/writing that and thinking I hated romance in general because it was so fucking boring LMAO. If I can compare any het media to non-American BL media, I would have to say anime is my only reference!

With that said, I came through the same arc you did. I tried het romance my whole life, suddenly fell upon BL, said WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS AND WHY IS IT SO GOOD COMPARED TO THE SHIT I'VE BEEN READING, never went back to het romance, and now do BL in all shapes and forms full-time.

What seems to be the big factor in BL/yaoi being so much more enjoyable is that there's an inherent difference in the dynamic of male/male vs. male/female--as portrayed by media, at least. And there's just something about that dynamic that makes it more gripping. It's easier to feel that line of tension between the characters, not to mention the fact that most male/male couples' conflict is far more relatable than the ones I see in female/male. In het media, I tend to see incredibly petty choices of conflict, whereas a LOT of BL chooses trauma, mental illness, and sometimes the acceptance of being gay as the reasons the couples struggle.

I identify far more with those issues than I do with the more stupid conflicts I see in het media like "HE'S WITH ANOTHER GIRL WHATEVER SHALL I DO!" (and it's just his sister) or "HOW DO I KNOW IF I ACTUALLY LIKE HIM? MAYBE I DON'T! LET ME THROW HIM FOR LOOPS AND GO BACK AND FORTH!" and other common, annoying tropes. Especially the jealousy and love triangles. BL does some love triangles, but it's just less...petty? There are usually more founded issues for the conflict that comes from those situations.

I say this with hesitation, but I also feel that BL/yaoi tends to have more creative and unseen concepts than het media. Actually--erase that hesitation. I believe that wholeheartedly. They tend to choose traumatic situations more often than het media--and this is the important part--THEY PORTRAY THEM IN A MORE REALISTIC MANNER.

This doesn't go for all BL because of course it doesn't. An entire genre of different writers--many good and many bad--can never have a singular good trait shared between all of them. But the majority of BL that I've read that include scenes of rape, child abuse, or sex trafficking keeps some sense of terror and gravity to the situation. That's something I tend to see less of in het media. Instead, things often feel more exploitative or voyeuristic. Suffering as a spectacle, as they say. However, it may just have something to do with the female gender being the victim, which we've all seen countless times in all shapes and forms. It feels fresh and new to see a male character going through those issues, instead.

On that topic, I would add that the main audience for romance as a whole has always been dominated by women, so women are more likely to be the consumers of both het and queer romance. When it comes to yaoi, the automatic power balance of male/female is gone, leaving only male/male and opening the option for different ways to imbalance that power--automatically feeling more creative and new than the age old female-victim-male-aggressor-but-he's-kinda-hot trope. In addition to this, so many het romances have unapologetic portrayals of romanticized abuse (The Notebook, 50 Shades of Grey, Blade Runner [speaking to the romance PLOT, sorry, more obscure], the After series, The Kissing Booth, and so on) that never get brought up, never seem to affect the female lead negatively, and always get the couple together in the end. This is endlessly infuriating to me and I've never enjoyed the popular het romances for this reason. It feels like gaslighting--gaslighting of the audience--to see harsh moments of outright abuse and then see the female lead react as if it's sexy, and to feel nothing but gut-freezing disgust as a viewer. It's even more painful when the audience around you also reacts in that way because they're so used to seeing it in your everyday het romance.

Contrasting this with yaoi/BL media--this issue is completely flipped. Countless stories show abuse, address the abuse, portray the male lead suffering from the effects of that abuse, and proceed with a motivation to fix, endure, or to run away from that abuse. To claim that yaoi/BL has less romanticization of said abuse is not wholly true, but the problem for me has always been that het romance PRETENDED THE ABUSE DID NOT EXIST AND/OR IS SEXY AND NORMAL. Whereas yaoi seemed more self-aware that they were writing abuse, and--if they chose to romanticize it--more often did so because the abuse was being experienced through the eyes of the victim. This is important because victims of abuse in reality DO this to cope and survive, so the romanticization is a direct result of a trauma response, and it's made far more clear in yaoi that this is the case.

This is why the kidnapping, Stockholm syndrome romances (Killing Stalking at the top), and toxic relationship themes in BL are far more attractive and validating to read.

Say, for instance, the romances that include themes of kidnapping, sexual assault, and captivity in het media. What have we got for that that's good and actually explores the nature of abuse? What I tend to see that meets that criteria (possibly) isn't really included in the romance category at all--it's either listed as horror or it's a lightened romcom version of that event (kidnapping, specifically)--unless you think of the more popular ones like 365 Days where it's supposed to be sexy and everyone has no brain. I might be flimsy on my point here, since this is the first time I've tried to pick apart this subject, so I apologize. But in addition to these het romances with the themes that I'd like to see not really existing in a way that's been done WELL--I also personally can't watch a woman getting hurt the way I can watch a man getting hurt.

We've seen enough women suffering onscreen, and most of the times the way it gets filmed ends up feeling sexualized in some way--especially if it's a horror movie or a thriller romance. I personally don't enjoy the lack of emotional depth in these types--and clearly they're most often written to be sexy or shock horror more than serious. Trauma doesn't feel real in these stories, so it's intensely triggering to watch it happen onscreen without a resolution to that trauma.

Going back to yaoi/BL, their romances include and very often feature abusive relationships or straight-up hostage romances. But the way they're handled is the big difference. Even though some treat the abuse like sexy porn scenes and I find myself dropping them for the same triggers that set me off in het media, this is much less of a problem, and you can get your thrills without the invalidation of watching trauma happen without being treated like trauma. There's often an arc of learning for the abuser, the relationship healing/improving (and I don't care that it's not morally correct or realistic for this to happen because it's fiction and we all need our coping mechanisms for reality), and a satisfying end where both the characters learn how to love each other. In their own way.

This makes the trauma feel raw and the healing feel rewarding, which is what I come to see. It feels like more BL writers get this and have actually been through some shit.

Lastly, it's not weird that you feel this way, and I'm worried that the discourse on social media about people who exclusively enjoy yaoi/BL has influenced that belief in a lot of people. It shouldn't be that way, and I hope people come around to the actual logic instead of copy-pasting what everyone else says to fit in!

IN ANY CASE, I HAVE RAMBLED FAR TOO LONG ON PRETTY MUCH THE SAME POINT, BUT I HOPE THIS HELPED!! That's the main difference that I'm drawn to yaoi for and I hope it might have helped you see why you are, too!!

Much love to you, and again, thank you SO MUCH FOR ASKING ME THIS QUESTION!! I loved getting to answer that.

[dedummekrakene]

I KNEW HE WAS A SIEVE DEEP DOWN

[minniedeer]

.

[rupertholmes]

its the fact that i know my self worth and that i dont deserve to be abused everyday that everything here bothers me and im "so sensitive"

[autoneurotic]

i’m going to burst into tears. such a hauntingly stupid and wonderful phrase to immortalize somewhere. LOOK AT PIttbert!

[silvermoon424]

Bro absolutely COOKED with this.

EDIT: Y'all OOP is not whitewashing and brushing past the crimes of the fucking Taliban, they're simply pointing out that unlike the American elite- who have never suffered a day in their lives- terrorists like the Taliban usually go through some radicalizing event caused by poor life circumstances. That absolutely does not excuse or condone the horrible things they do, of course.

Also, Somali pirates and the Taliban were explicitly mentioned because this comment is in response to a couple of their former hostages saying said groups supplied them with soap and toothpaste, which the US government refuses to give to migrants. You can stop misinterpreting and derailing this post now, thanks.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

we need more divorcebaiting. how strongly can canon imply (without technically outright stating) that these two characters are bitterly, acrimoniously divorced? essential we explore this

[redstonedust]

a lot of media assumes robots would be immortal but i think its a lot more interesting to explore robots dealing with their parts wearing down and battery life shortening and all the horrible little failings that come with being a complicated machine. sure they can replace parts but you'd assume you cant completely ship of theseus them, or it'd have pretty big rammifications on their sense of identity. idk. give me robots with distinct, unique signs of aging. as a treat.

[time-to-leave-machine]

people will say "why cant the eldritch gods just be nice to humans :((" and then kill a bug for existing near them

[wishfulsketching]

Girl dad Silco is a source of endless entertainment for me

Extra doodles:

Someone save Sevika, she is in hell

[astronnova]

yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[ionomycin]

night shift

[xiaq]

Absolutely wild to me how sometimes you don't even realize the way you'd been taught to perceive things as a kid was kinda fucked up, actually, until decades later.

Example:

As a kid, I constantly lived in fear of damaging shit in my parent's house. The walls. The floors (especially the floors. The wood was beautiful. Shiny. But so easy to scratch). The cabinets.

As a sixteen-year-old, I once took my car to the dealership after work and paid a very dear sum of $250 ($10/hr cashier salary) to fix a slight scratch in the paint because I knew if my father saw it there would be hell to pay. It didn't matter that I parked far out, like I'd been taught, and someone scratched it anyway. It was my fault. I failed in my duties as a steward of my vehicle.

Every time I scratched a rim on a curb while parallel parking or got a door ding or, god forbid, didn't wash and vacuum that car every weekend, it was treated like some sort of moral failing.

Last year, when my husband and I first moved into our house, he scraped the side of our car when parking in our (Very Narrow) garage. When he told me, my first instinct was to be afraid for him. Like something terrible was going to happen to him because of this mistake. I urgently reassured him that it was okay, it was an accident, I wasn't mad. Baffled, he was like, "Yeah? I know? Like, thank you for the reassurance, but I'm only a little annoyed, I'm not upset. It's just a car." And I had to take several minutes to process that. It's...just a car.

We keep the car tidy. We maintain it. But we wash it maybe 4x a year. We only vacuum it after dirty road trips or when the dog hair starts to get annoying. It has scrapes and dings and the leather seats have stains. But that's ok. Because it's just a car.

This morning, I realized that a small rock had gotten embedded in the felt foot on one of our bar stools. Neither of us had noticed. There are now scratches on our beautiful hardwood floor. My immediate response was fear accompanied by a heavy measure of paralyzing guilt. "I'm so sorry," I told my husband, "I should have noticed. I'll figure out how to fix it, I swear. I can probably sand down that section and match the stain and--"

"Whoa, hey," he said. "It was an accident. And it's fine. Floors are going to get damaged. They're floors. We live here. There was damage in places before we even bought the house, remember? It's not a big deal. It's just a floor." Right. It's just a floor. Right.

My husband's mom is visiting and this afternoon, as I was sitting in the kitchen looking at the scratches on the floor, I offhandedly asked her if my husband had ever broken or damaged anything as a kid. "Of course," she said. Household items. A TV. A wrecked car during his teen years. I asked how she punished him.

"Why would I punish him for things like that?" she said. "They were all accidents."

Right. Of course. Right.

[inkskinned]

How come you're all about "feminism" until it's time to protest? We haven't seen you make a single fucking post about the LA riots and it's really disappointing.

Hi friends. This is your reminder not to reply to questions like this. You do not need to self-report your behavior. This is a guilt trip designed to make you violate your own Miranda rights.

Also, they are not riots (Freudian slip, fed?), they're peaceful protests and are a democratic right under the first amendment.

where to find your local protest donate to legal funds my local immigrant support network

be safe out there, i love you.

[flowersnax]

im gettin real sick of people he/him-ing kris (id in alt)