#a long term goal of mine has been completed

[breadcatter]

This morning I couldn't go back to sleep after I woke up at 5 so I spent two hours drawing profile pics of some of my ocs just so I could do this.

I fucking love dumb meme like these.

[lenasai]

this is one of the campaigns i spotlighted a while back. ghazi's campaign is progressing, but very slowly - too slowly for the circumstances he and his family are living through. €500-€1000 short term goals are taking an excruciatingly long amount of time to reach.

his situation, in his own words (emphasis mine):

When the war on Gaza began on October 7, 2023, my relatives and uncles took refuge in our house, thinking that it was the safe house, and 5 days after their displacement to us, the occupation carried out a brutal and violent bombardment on the neighborhood next to us. On the morning of Friday, 10/13/2023, the Zionist occupation called my older brother, asking him to escape, evacuate all the buildings of the entire neighborhood, and head to the south of the Gaza Strip. It was very suspicious and scary and we didn't know where to turn. We had to evacuate. I had to flee with my family to a safe area, leaving behind my neighborhood, my home, my shops, my work, my memories, literally everything. We took refuge with our relatives in Al-Maghazi camp, and 12 days after we were displaced, on 10/25/2023, the occupation bombed the bakery opposite the house in which we were displaced, and I was injured in my foot. On the left side and an injury, my brother suffered minor burns to her face, and the house became partially destroyed, but it is the only shelter we have, so we restored what we could to live in the house as much as possible. On November 4, 2023, warplanes targeted the bakery after it was destroyed again. Thank God, none of us were injured, and nothing was done here. We were able to restore, but we cleaned and sat down because there was no other place, and on the morning of Wednesday, January 3, 2024, the occupation made a sudden ground entry into Al-Maghazi camp, and here we were surrounded and we could not leave the house. There was no water, food or any other necessities of life. We just sat and heard the sounds of shelling, bullets and missiles. We are waiting for our turn to come. Until Sunday morning, January 7, 2024, we miraculously managed to leave Al-Maghazi under bombardment and took refuge in Rafah. I had no one or relatives there, and we built a tent to shelter me and my family. On May 28, 2024, we were displaced for the sixth time after nights and days of violent bombing on tents in Rafah’s Mawasi. They were displaced and we did not know where to run. I cannot describe the situation adequately; I think you've seen enough on the Internet. I lost my home, my shops, my family's source of income, and I was left with nothing. I have lost many friends over the past four months. However, I feel nothing but complete helplessness and inability to help my family. The feeling of helplessness is humiliating and painful, as negative thoughts dominate your thoughts, such as thinking about suicide or wishing for death to escape this feeling. But here I am breathing again and thinking of positive solutions in the face of crushing death. I'm trying to cling to life.

today, ghazi made an update: his campaign finally reached its €9,500 short term goal. the next one is €10,000. let's help him reach that goal by the end of next week! i think it's completely doable, but he needs your help. even €5 helps, but if you truly cannot donate, then please spread his campaign in the hopes that it will reach someone who can.

this campaign has been featured on the @gazafunds website and i trust its legitimacy.

€9,629 / €10,000 (short-term) - €371 left to short-term goal

€9,629 / €50,000 total

please share this post so other people can see this campaign!

[miles-wrightworth]

Miles and Phoenix headcanon dump

TW for self harm, abuse, disordered eating, trauma, sui attempts, scars, ableism and homophobia mentioned once

put some of your fav headcanons about them in the replies/reblogs and tell me your fav of mine!

these guys are not okay. headcanons below (not all angsty I swear)

Miles

Full Name: Miles Gregory Edgeworth

Gender: demiboy/boyflux, he/they

Appearance hcs: 

Really pretty eyes

he has many scars on his shoulder from an incident with MvK

he has some scars from a suicide attempt around his neck (ropeburn)

He has self harm scars on his forearms and thighs. Lots of them

He has scars on each of his wrists from his 1yg suicide attempt

He is VERY pasty. Like he's WHITE ASF. 

General hcs:

Has an eating disorder (anorexia-bulimia) because of MvK’s constant harsh criticism of his appearance

Struggles with self-harm (cuts on forearms and thighs)

Has tried to kill himself multiple times

When he left the ‘choosing death’ note, he meant it. He has the scars on his wrists to prove it

Trans. He hid it from MvK and has pretty much been stealth his whole life. He never goes on T, just does voice training and gets top surgery when he ‘chooses death’ in germany. He has to recover alone. (or with Void vk)

Gay. women love him, he doesn't understand wtf they're trying to do

Autistic. He doesn't understand a lot of jokes and social cues. He gets overstimulated sometimes. He has a happy stim where he doesn't flap his whole hand, just his fingers. He has a nervous stim where he grabs something or tightens his hand into a fist and squeezes. He has bled a few times from his fingernails digging into his palms from this. 

Has some internalized homophobia and ableism due to MvK >:(

Fav musical is Phantom of the Opera 

He uses Earl Grey and lavender scented cleaning products and has an extensive hair care routine. 

On that note, his hair is soft asf and Phoenix loves to pet it

Miles is an lgbtq+ icon in Japanifornia. He's a prominent political figure who is openly gay (stealth trans for a while) and he advocates for lgbtq+ rights

He is English and Japanese

He knows English, Japanese, German, French, and Borginian (after aai). He knows at least a little bit of every European language

Plays violin, flute, cello, piano

He is starved for affection (both physical and otherwise)

He hates being touched unless he completely trusts the person touching him

Hates hospitals because of DL6 when he woke up in a hospital (and because of a few sui attempts)

Is a huge cat person, but owns Pess because she’s trained to help him with panic attacks

Favorite food is German cheesecake, likes sweets a lot

Wears gay little garter socks, sleeps in silk pjs

Character development questions:

What does his bedroom look like?

Fancy queen bed with a canopy thing. Burgundy and pink bedspread with plushies secretly stashed in the closet. Has a desk with a whiteboard in front of it. Uses the whiteboard for case notes like those connection boards in police departments. Has a clean mahogany desk with a fountain pen, laptop, tasteful lamp, and legal pad on it. Post-it notes EVERYWHERE.

Any daily rituals?

Has tea at 4pm every day without fail. Gets upset if he is interrupted. Tells Phoenix how his day went every day when asked. Tends to work overtime.

Cleanliness habits?

Very clean. Has a maid when he lives alone and has Gumshoe clean his office biweekly. Once he moves in with Phoenix and Trucy, he ends up cleaning the house frequently.

Eating habits/daily menu?

Tends to skip meals, both accidentally and sometimes purposefully. Has lunch with Phoenix whenever possible. Has tea frequently. Earl gray. Likes sweets and has butterscotch on his desk and in his bag. He eats it occasionally.

Fav way to waste time?

Watching Steel Samurai, writing poetry and fanfiction, listening to music

Book genre?

Psychological horror, the DSM5, gay romance, likes stories set in Victorian era and psychology related books

Long term goal?

Use his influence to make the law as effective as possible and get justice for victims of crimes by punishing criminals

Fav beverage?

Tea. hands down. He also loves virgin strawberry daiquiris 

Coping strategies?

Self-harm (before he tries to recover). Once he marries Phoenix, he becomes comfortable going to him for help. He listens to music and watches Steel Samurai to distract himself. Has his blue cat plush that he uses to self-soothe.

Pet peeves?

Liars, slow drivers, slow walkers, has an unnatural and extreme burning hatred for child abusers/bad parents, incompetent people.

What is in his pockets?

Ornate Swiss pocket knife, fountain pen, mini packet of wet wipes, monogrammed handkerchief.

Phoenix

Full name: Phoenix Ryuichi Wright

Gender: genderqueer, he/him

Appearance hcs: 

Heterochromiaaaaa! Right eye is brown, left eye is blue

Big puppy eyes

He's pretty tan due to his partial latino heritage

He has a scar on his lip, scars on his hands, and many scars in his mouth from the glass necklace shards

He has a scar on his cheek and hand (very deep scars) from a squabble with Kris 

He has large burn scars on his side (where his kidney would be ig) from MvK’s taser

He has many scars from falling off of Dusky Bridge. Some are cuts and some are burns

He’s a chubby guy naturally. He is pretty self-conscious about it and about the fact that it makes him look more feminine.

General hcs:

Adhd. he chews his pen and bobs his leg as stims.

He has really bad abandonment issues due to his mother leaving as well as Dahlia’s betrayal and Miles’ leaving him twice

when he was around 11 his mom just dropped him at a foster center or smth and left (because she was struggling with addictions and didn't want her child to grow up in that environment and she was a single mother so she had nobody to take care of Phoenix) Phoenix grew up as a stealth transmasc in foster homes without any permanent family until he was out of the foster system at 18 and lived in a dorm

Trans. has had top surgery since he was 20. Started T at the age of 21 and got bottom surgery while studying to take the bar at 23. Mia helped him through recovering from both surgeries and she was very supportive.

His hair is naturally spiky but he gels it to make it EVEN MORE SPIKY

During 7yg he becomes an alcoholic (partially due to Kristoph’s influence) 

His alcoholism reminds him of his mother so he feels horrible about it and tries his hardest to keep it from Trucy

He has trauma from Dahlia and Kris. sometimes he can't take meds or eat certain foods because it reminds him of past trauma

Phoenix downplays his trauma or feels like it's his fault for trusting Kris/Dahlia cuz he's surrounded by people who have "worse" trauma and he's like 'oh well my parent didn't get murdered in front of me. my trauma is nothing compared to Athena or Miles' he never wants to talk about his own trauma because he feels like its invalid so he just never tells anyone and pretends its fine

He is latino and Japanese mainly (perhaps also greek teehee)

He knows English, Spanish (not as well and EG tho), and a little bit of Japanese

Can actually play piano

Love languages are touch and words of affirmation

After 7yg, he is really paranoid for a solid year or so due to Kristoph

He hates hospitals because he had to be hospitalized after Dahlia’s trial for about a month for healing his throat and stomach as well as for psychological evaluations

Wears random socks, half of the time colorful. Sleeps in boxers and a t shirt

Uses Axe body spray when 14-33, uses coconut old spice once he gets his badge back

Character development questions:

What does his bedroom look like?

Pretty messy. Clothes everywhere, a few plushies, a desk in the corner with a corkboard in front of it. He puts random files, pictures, notes, etc. on it and has some on parts of his wall. Nothing fancy. Just below a queen size bed with two pillows and a blue blanket. 

Any daily rituals?

After 7yg, he checks if the door is locked twice when he comes in the house or leaves. Always says hi and bye to Trucy as well. Always asks Trucy and Miles how their days were over dinner. 

Cleanliness habits?

He sometimes gets bursts of energy to clean. Usually tries to clean up right after he gets something messy, but forgets a lot and doesn’t clean up his dirty clothes very often. Just below average hygiene and cleanliness.

Eating habits/daily menu?

Doesn’t like to eat crunchy stuff much, but makes an exception for always getting crunchy shell tacos. He usually has an average breakfast (bagel, cereal, bacon). Meets up with Miles to have lunch whenever possible (partially to make sure Miles eats). They usually go to a casual restaurant, eat lunch for an hour or so, and then get back to their jobs. Miles, Phoenix, and Trucy all take turns making/helping to make dinner. They eat out about once a week. Sometimes to celebrate winning a case.

Fav way to waste time?

He likes drawing, annoying Miles, sleeping, and watching those dramatic stupid shows like Dance Moms and The Bachelorette.

Book genre?

He doesn’t like to read. Doesn’t have the attention span for it. But he loves comics and manga. Particularly enjoys medieval setting fictional adventure stories that have a happy ending. Occasionally reads cheesy romance novels to laugh at it.

Long term goal?

His goal in life is to be needed and remembered. He wants to help others and be remembered as a light in their lives. He wants to make a significant positive impact on the lives of the people around him.

Fav beverage?

He likes sweet tea, cream soda, and plain ol’ water the best

Coping strategies?

He tends to ramble and vent to the people he’s close to (Maya, Miles, Larry sometimes) but also tries to push them away somewhat and neglects talking to them as much as he needs to because he’s afraid he’s being annoying or clingy. He ends up pretending it’s fine even though it’s not.

Pet peeves?

People judging others, bullying, people being inconsiderate or ignorant of the needs of others, liars.

What is in his pockets?

Random trash, gum, phone, wired earbuds from a gas station, probably some random 30 cent pen.

[lesinquietes]

Farmer!Taishiro considers proposing to you. The notion sprouts after you make him a batch of matcha donuts when he falls ill with the flu. The gesture is incredibly thoughtful. He devours them without regret. How did you know he’d love these? Well, to be fair, he adores everything you bake. Perhaps you’re picking up on that. But be that as it may, this moment of kindness sticks out in his mind for weeks after the fact. For him, it highlights a need that’s gone unmet for too long.

You care about him, and he doesn’t want to lose you.

He’s been on dates before. He’s been in long-term relationships and confessed his love to people who were special. He’s never felt quite like this, though. Being your boyfriend has been a breath of fresh air. You're commonly on the same page. You enjoy his jokes and ideologies. You've even warming up to the concept of living together. In bed, you come to life in a different manner — one that he yearns to be exclusive to him.

It’s about time to pop the question.

He plans rigorously. He buys an engagement ring and sizes it to your finger using one of the other rings you wear. Thankfully, you don’t notice it’s missing. He buys your favourite flowers and your favourite comfort food for afterwards. He ensures everything is in place for his grand gesture.

On the day of, he takes you on a hike through the forest. It’s not one you’ve been to before. There’s a lot to see. You marvel at how gorgeous the scenery is. Not as gorgeous as you, sugar plum, he replies, kissing the tip of your nose. You melt into his embrace. Once you’re beyond the shelter of nature’s beautiful canopies, Taishiro leads you to a lookout point. You can see the entirety of the town from up here. You’re in utter awe.

Enjoying the view, you don’t catch him getting down on one knee. It’s too late when you do. He has the small black box in his palm, open, displaying the prettiest ring his farmer lifestyle can buy.

You gasp. He takes that as his cue.

“Sweetheart, you’ve given me nothing but joy since I met you. I don’t think I can live another day knowing you’re not completely mine. (F/n), my little gumdrop, will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?”

But the emotion in your heart is not the one he wants. Your face morphs as he continues to speak. You’re expressing a concoction of shock and horror. He realizes he completely misread your energy. Were those even cues that he was picking up on, or was it just his eagerness?

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

“Tai… um… this is… I mean— isn’t this… a little… too soon?”

“Too soon?” He echoes incredulously, hoping with every fibre of his being to convince you. “Why would it be too soon if we love each other?”

You hesitate. You may love him, but this is not in your plans. Tears in your eyes, you grasp his wrists and cover your mouth as you explain to him that you can’t marry him — not now. You’re just not ready for this level of commitment in such a short span of time.

The event scares you off. Once he guides you back through the woods, heart heavy and mind muddled with rejection, you tell him it’s likely best to part ways. You aren’t certain how to keep going when you’re both pursuing goals that don’t align. He wants marriage. You aren’t sure. He wants a nice wife to settle down and make a family with. You want to keep baking.

He insists that it doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t throw him a bone, though. You break up with him and call a cab.

Alone that evening, Taishiro gazes at the ring he wanted to plant on your cute little fingers. The box is crushed from how his fist tightened around the item when you told him no. Nothing went according to his plan. All you brought him was pain.

He wonders why you felt you could do this to him — the man who gave you his soul? It doesn’t make sense. You must not understand the extent of his love. If you did, you would have showed him a little more respect. But that’s fine; he knows he can redeem himself. You don’t grasp the root of his motivation yet, is all.

You obviously want him to chase you.

Previous l

𝔉𝔞𝔯𝔪𝔢𝔯 𝔞𝔲

[ospreyeamon]

revan as the ghost

I had the odd experience of playing KOTOR 1 and having my Revan, then playing KOTOR 2 and discovering that I liked its Revan more than mine. Revan as Narrative Ghost/Controversial Historical Figure is far more interesting to me than Revan as main character.

Part of it is that 2 fleshes out Dark-Side pre-amnesia Revan into a more compelling character. All of the juicy hints about the deeper plan and purpose behind the Jedi Civil War, the past relationship with Kreia who is as preoccupied with her former student’s legacy as with her own, the probable betrayal of Revan’s own forces led by the Exile at Malachor V.

The motivation of preparing for the future great war against the True Sith is great because it doesn’t preclude the other motivations of vengeance, power-lust, and the love of warfare. Revan might have despised the atrocities of the Jedi Civil Wars as evils necessary to save the galaxy. Revan might have subconsciously latched onto the True Sith as an excuse to solve the problems with the Republic and Jedi Order using outright warfare because everything looked like a nail after the Mandalorian Wars. Revan might have just been acting with an eye to the long-term logistics of forcibly holding power in the Republic post-conquest and was never planning on fighting the True Sith Empire because Revan thought it was a real threat, but because another war would be politically convenient. Revan might have slid from one to another over time.

Maybe Revan always considered himself to be loyal to the Republic, even if the Republic didn’t always appreciate the form that loyalty took. Maybe Revan decided that democracy doesn’t work and the Republic would be better off under a competent autocrat. Maybe Revan decided that the structure of the Republic’s constituent governments – mostly monarchies, aristocracies, and corporate plutocracy – meant that it wasn’t a real democracy and believed a benevolent dictatorship could be used to build a foundation of true democracy. Maybe the future long-term structure of the Republic’s government wasn’t a major consideration, with Revan taking the pragmatic view that the best government for the Republic would be the one that enabled it to survive.

Supplying that backstory as a jigsaw of character dialogue was an excellent choice, especially since it also works well for the events of the first game. Brianna the Handmaiden believes Revan showed the desire of his heart when he killed Malak during the Battle of Rakata Prime; Kreia thinks she’s completely wrong about that.

All the characters have at least heard of Revan; the Exile, Kreia, T4-M4, Mandalore, HK-47, and the Jedi Masters knew Revan personally. And, beyond being a mere person, Revan represents things to people.

Kreia is invested in the idea that Revan was always driven by some vision of a greater good, that she never became primarily ruled by hatred or power-lust. Kreia has a low opinion of those she views as dominated by emotion and is unwilling to believe her prize student ever fell into that trap. She really wants every choice her old Padawan made to have been well-informed and well-considered, always feeding towards Revan’s larger goals rather than undermining them. (Yet, there are a couple of Revan’s actions, like killing Malak, that I feel Kreia would have preferred to blame on the Force, on the unfairness of the universe, rather than on Revan.)

It’s a major blind-spot in Kreia’s assessment of Revan. Cutting Malak’s jaw off but keeping him as her second-in-command – seemingly not expecting any negative effect on Malak’s loyalty – is unlikely to have been anything but a short-sighted emotional outburst on Revan’s part.

In contrast to Kreia’s narrative, I think that Revan’s disappearance in unknown space between the games was unplanned and unwilling. Revan apparently spent years attempting to build a massive logistical staging ground for a war with the True Sith; locating the Star Forge, invading to capture Republic infrastructure, brutally converting captured Jedi. Why, after previously engaging in such large-scale preparation, would Revan leave to fight the True Sith alone, without telling anyone but T3-M4? Why would Revan leave without warning Admiral Carth of the Republic Navy and battle-meditation master Bastila Shan about the threat?

More likely, I think, that Revan’s memories were returning in tatters and scraps. Revan became increasingly sure that there was something important she couldn’t remember; some vital secret that would explain so much, and spell disaster if not uncovered. Revan’s journey to unknown space began as a temporary trip retracing a past journey, searching for prompts to resurface those memories. Something went wrong.

Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Revan despaired of the state the Jedi, Revanchist Sith, and Galactic Republic were in after the Battle of Rakata Prime and the “end” of the Jedi Civil War; despaired of the mess she had apparently made trying to manipulate the Republic and Jedi into forms capable of standing up to the True Sith. Maybe Revan came to doubt his previous assessment that the True Sith Empire were planning to invade the Galactic Republic, since it had been more than a decade since the beginning of the Mandalorian Wars with still no sign of them, and left to do some quiet scouting without raising what might be a false alarm that triggered an avoidable conflict.

Another judicious choice of character trait with KOTOR 2’s Revan was – and even post-amnesia still continued to be – secretive. Revan kept the grand strategy for the Mandalorian Wars close to her chest; good for operation security, but also good for hiding your plan to purge your own forces. Even HK-47 and Kreia, who were close to the Revanchist Sith’s upper command structure, aren’t certain what Revan was trying to achieve because Revan didn’t tell them. When Revan vanishes between the games, it is seemingly without having told any of her companions save T3-M4 where or that it was to investigate the True Sith Empire. That repeated failure to share information provides another justification for the ambiguity.

That bled through when I replayed 1 and imagined a new Revan, a stranger even to himself.

How did you change so much? Could you change again?

You remember your mother’s face, remember her voice as she read to you from the histories she loved so much, but the records in the Jedi archives imply that’s impossible, that you were given to the Order too young. You remember racing your swoop bike across the fields of Dantooine as a teenager; as a teenager you were a Padawan studying in the Enclave there. How many of your memories are real? How much of you is real?

Is there a monster slumbering under your skin that might awake, unravelling the person you are now to take your place? Did the young Revan have all the Jedi Masters fooled, rotten from the very beginning? Might you eventually live your life haunted by nightmares of committing another person’s atrocities?

More frightening than the idea that you and the Revan lost to amnesia are different is the idea that you are the same; that your past choices won’t be beyond comprehension or justification. If you remember, will you understand why you started the war? If you remember, will you understand why you bombed Telos? If you remember, will you discover that you have been the person who could make those choices all along?

[fii-b]

The Firekeeper in ds3 is Gwyndolin from ds1

I know it sounds crazy but everyone's entitled to at least one insane fan theory and this is mine. The Firekeeper in Darksouls 3 does not play by the same rules as firekeepers before her. She cannot die permanently, she does not leave behind a firekeeper's soul if killed, and she is able to exist even when the bonfire she keeps is unlit (even prompting you to light her bonfire when you first meet her). It is also strange that we find a stray firekeeper's soul in the tower behind firelink shrine, one which takes a key sold at a high price by the shrine handmaiden. This tower also seems to hold the corpse of at least one other firekeeper.

When it comes to gwyndolin, it doesn’t make sense that she’d just fall ill out of nowhere. Even if she did, she is the god and leader of the darkmoon’s blades who server her every whim. Where she to fall ill, it does not make sense for them to abandon her in Anor Londo to get eaten by Aldritch, a known threat. Furthermore, it doesn’t really make sense that Gwyndolin would want to take over Anor Londo after she has confirmed Gwyn to be dead and the first flame to be linked. Gwyn treated her like shit her whole life and in Darksouls 1 it is no surprise that Gwyndolin would set up an elaborate smoke and mirror’s gambit to get her father killed and the age of gods extended. 

That said, Gwyndolin does not draw her power from the sun like her father and sister do. Despite being called “Dark Sun” Gwyndolin, she draws her power from the moon and from darkness. We know that Gwyn is afraid of the power of the dark and very much wants to keep those who can harness it subservient or powerless. This is likely why Gwyndolin was given a moniker denoting her as part of the sun and why she was relegated to duties which kept her away from the public eye. 

So, with all the background info out of the way, my basic headcannon goes like this:

After the events of Darksouls 1, Gwyndolin continues to run Anor Londo from the shadows for a time. When it comes time for a new undead to kindle the flame and no-one does so, Gwyndolin (knowing the emergency failsafe system will release Aldritch who she very much believes will be coming for her) creates a version of herself for Aldritch to eat and spreads the story that she has fallen ill as bait. (We know this to be within her power as she is both able to spread the chosen undead myth in DS1 and she is able to create a version of herself for us to fight, complete with a soul, without risking the illusions surrounding Anor Londo to all crumble at once upon her puppets defeat). Using this opportunity, she flees Anor Londo and replaces the firekeeper in Firelink Shrine. This lets her continue leading nameless undead into linking the flame and, because she is taking over the roll of firekeeper, it allows her to exist as a woman unquestionably (every firekeeper to date has been a woman). Like with linking the fire in ds1, this is a long-term goal and a personal goal of hers fulfilled at the same time. 

So ye~ 

[eldritch-spouse]

I so desperately wanna praise Cero to the point of getting him under me, and then continue calling him gorgeous, and such a good king😭

[Yes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Fem reader. It's short, gomen.]

You're not sure how you've made it this far.

Both in terms of survival, and in terms of your flimsy plan.

See, being forcibly married to the Icon of Pride is no walk in the park. Maybe it could be, if said park was loaded with mines and you had to tip toe your way through it knowing that any wrong step will blow your legs off. Point being- Watching your tongue and your mannerisms is something you've had to learn the hard way. In fact, a lot about you had to drastically change during the time you've spent with Cero thus far. And it's all been worth it- Because you have the King wrapped around your pinkie now. And you're getting ever closer to that sweet goal of seeing the surface once more. You can almost grasp it, almost!

You just need to suck up to him a little more. As painful as it sounds.

See, Cero's a pretty man, in your opinion. His face is well-sculped, he's got an elegant form, dresses objectively fine and even his body language seems to have been tailored to complete perfection. It's easy to let that dazzling appearance get the best of you and start complimenting him, getting closer. But as soon as he opens his mouth and all that raw narcissism comes out- The rose lens shatters. It's needless to say you have very mixed emotions about the King.

But now is not the time for turmoil or feelings, you need to stay strong.

It wasn't that hard to "tame" Cero, all things considered. He's a vain man, and as his chosen Queen, your opinion of him is the one that matters the most. So, through trial and error, you've found that the more you reward and convince the demonlord that he's at his peak when he's beneath you- The more power you slowly attain. Of course, it's all a game of subtleties. You can't just turn to him, demand he get on his knees and stop bothering you- No, you have to tell him how much better you can see all his majestic features when he kneels, how he's so handsome when he's silent, it gives him an air of mystery...

It certainly helps you've always been good with words. Or, at the very least, decent at bullshitting an excuse on the spot. It's gotten you so far here, you can hardly believe it.

The "worship sessions" are the moments in your tilted dynamic with the King that allow you to make the most progress. Put simply, these are a clause that Cero left purposely vague in your horror novella of a marriage contract. You really did expect these sessions to be nothing but scheduled boot-licking... But he made it pretty clear you were expected to lick something else very soon after the contract had been signed. Once nothing but mortifying encounters to be dreaded, these have become vital to getting Cero to back down. To learn what makes him tick. To dominate him.

And truth be told, it would be lying to say you haven't began to enjoy yourself as soon as a modicum of control fell back into your hands. It feels good to have him in a vulnerable position, to have an Icon of Hell lie beneath you like an insect. Perhaps it's what has helped you keep motivated and play the role of the immaculate Queen, even outside the bedroom chambers.

Well, you can't afford to stall any longer right now. You have to make this next one really count! If you tickle him right, you might just get to see your family before the holidays.

It's with a final sip of overly expensive wine, brought to you by a diligent imp, that you adjust your silky black robes and watch the same little demon part the doors to your shared bedroom open. There's a deep breath, your mindset shifts, and then you walk in.

" Took you long enough! "

Of course the first thing Cero does is bitch at you. Classic.

He's bare, seated on the edge of the large bed, legs crossed just like his arms, and a mighty scowl on his chiseled face. Even ridden of any clothing, he manages to look as if nothing were amiss. In this state, you can observe all the patches of skin where his brilliant white is taken over by salmon, spots he did try to hide from you at one point. Hey, at least he's more comfortable in his body now? You think?

Regardless, your stare is more fixed on his hair. Cero usually lathers it with enough products to keep that poor thing uniform, each side perfectly measured and pointed outwards. While you tend to think it's kind of silly, most demons in his ring revere it and try to imitate the style. You much prefer it in the state it is now, straight, flowing, covering his chest and back beautifully. Why doesn't he wear it like this more often?

" You should know I don't like to be kept waiting by now. "

His voice startles you, and there's no doubt left in you that he offered you that pause on purpose, just so you could admire him.

" O- Of course my King, forgive me, I just... Got flustered. " You make it a point to bat your eyelashes, looking away.

He buys it. Hah, the silence says it all.

" Well then, make it up to me. "

Fine, you prissy bitch.

Getting up close and personal with the King, you think you'll never quite get over the way he's still taller than you, even when seated. Sure, the bed is naturally taller to accommodate him, but still, it makes you feel like every move you make really does have to be expertly measured. Tangential observations aside, you manage to pry one of his hands apart with care, bringing it to your lips. And thus, the theatrics start.

His knuckles are kissed individually, thumbs rubbing circles on his skin before your trail of kisses moves on to his palm, wrist, and up his arm. It's more gentleness than he ever deserved, but you don't let that bitter note ruin things. " My gorgeous emperor, I should never make it so you have to wait for me, my imperfections hold me back from being the lover you deserve. " And almost mechanically, at least to you, two of his fingers are slipped into your mouth.

Cero's claws are always sharpened to fatal perfection, allowing them to graze the vulnerable flesh of your insides continues to be a perpetual gamble, risk and reward, the pointed ends heavy on your tongue even as you focus on sucking them. The other looks mildly flustered, quickly losing focus at the repetitive back and forth of your plush lips. It doesn't help that you moan, selling the point that you're so taken with lust for him that, between sucking his digits and his cock, the difference is minimal.

" ... Lecherous creature. " He mutters, trying to regain some semblance of composure. It was dead on arrival, he's got nothing on you.

" Can you blame me? " Those fingers are popped out, slickened, though it doesn't stop you from nuzzling onto his open palm. " Many are the parts of you I'll never tire of, your excellency. "

Cero grins, liking where this is going. " Is that so? "

" If you'd lay down for me, I could list them. " Some part of you is already regretting the amount of prose you're going to have to pull out of your ass on the spot, but you steel yourself by saying this is necessary. Oh, if he'd just let you have him like this without having to wax poetic first, wouldn't things be so much simpler? One can dream.

" Very well. " He concedes after a silent beat, adjusting so his head lies on the pillows. Cero's stance isn't exactly relaxed, but you can't tell if that's due to discomfort or anticipation.

Nonetheless, you crawl atop him with little hesitation, grasping the sides of his face. " I would trade the whole world just to look at you and your gorgeous eyes. There's a sharpness to your gaze that sends shivers down my spine. " He grins, flush deepening, already dipping into the comfort of your words, getting his fix per say. " And I wonder, oh so often, what I did to deserve your lips on mine. "

You're kissing him before he can comment, a soft embrace that picks up heat the longer you keep it up. Cero's claws lace through your hair and force you to kiss him harder, to pant against him, your tongue joining his, but never really able to dominate it. When he growls into the kiss, you know he's getting a little too confident, so you pull away, pecking at his bottom lip and chin instead.

He's already squirming, impatient demon that he is, always on the search for instant gratification in spite of demanding thorough worship from everyone around him. Or is it just that your words get to him in a way that others' don't? That he gets this excited, this fast, just for you? A quick glance down is all it takes to know. More than half-hard already, you're flattered. Your trip continues to his neck, gentle and ever slow. It'd be an instant mood killer to mention the King's unique form of vitiligo, you know how sensitive he is about it, so you avoid spending too much time around places which are "blemished"- His words, not yours.

When you get to his chest, you make a show of splaying your hands across it greedily, kisses deviating to the side where your thumbs tease pebbled nipples. " You make me feel so safe, make me feel warm, I would live happily in your arms, because who could hold me better? " You're hurting yourself with your own cheesiness, but he's very much enjoying himself. You get a quiet noise out of Cero when you pop one of his nipples in your mouth, doing the same to the other but noting the way he grows almost irritated with impatience.

By the time you're licking down his tummy, Cero spreads his legs beneath you and makes a groan that can almost pass as a whine. " Oh, will you hurry it up?! " He bites his lip. " Vixen! "

This time, you do laugh. " But my King, I'm not done! We're only just getting to the finer parts. " Would it kill him to be mildly agreeable? Probably.

Eitherway, you give Cero what he craves, crawling back to put your face between his legs, your own kicking back and forth leisurely. You grasp his cock. " This is my favorite part. "

Cero huffs, although smiles. " Of course it is... "

You don't hear him complaining though. Your kisses along its length are more teasing than anything, a spare hand circling around his tip just to feel his legs shake from overstimulation. " Again, can you blame me? As if anyone else could compare, let alone a human- " He whines from the torture, hips rising slightly. Or maybe it was the implication that he's the best you've ever had. Which, realistically, he is. " It's not my fault you introduced me to a whole new level of pleasure, is it so surprising that I'd want you this bad? "

Cero gulps, sweaty, high on the praise. " W-... Well, when you put it like that, I really can't fault y- Ohhn-! "

You finally take him into your mouth, sparing no gentleness or hesitation this time. He's a large Icon, you still need some training before you can take that pretty purple-ish length down all the way, but you're getting better at it- Enough to get him to make whorish noises, at least. Practice makes perfect, as they say. You never let him have a breather, intent to drive him to the brink as fast as possible.

With your mouth currently in use, there's no point continuing the prose on Cero's "immaculate gracefulness", but you don't think there's a need to anyway. Keep him waiting for more, keep him on the edge, maybe this time he'll grow the guts to beg you.

You just have to work harder at it.

He'll crack one day.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Not really a question but I just need to say this to someone who will understand. Also, people have asked you questions what a meltdown looks like. So this is mine, one of the worst I've ever had in my adult life.

I'm 40 years old and am so good at masking that I wasn't diagnosed as autistic until my mid-30s. Normally, I can blend into most social situations. However, I have been in constant pain for 2 months due to a medical issue, and the exhaustion of pain that will never stop has eroded away all the mask. I am now 100% Naked Autistic, because I am burned out beyond anything I've ever felt in my life.

Yesterday I had a complete and utter meltdown in the doctor's office, and it was terrifying. First, he entered the room angry, yelling at me to "stop being rude to my staff". I'm extremely sensitive to being called "rude" because that's what I've been called all my life, just for existing. I've internalized it and now I know, my existence is rude. So whenever someone calls me "rude", it hurts very deeply, even when I'm NOT in a burnout state.

This doctor was SO angry and yelled at me SO much and I couldn't hold it together, I started to cry. He told me to calm down "or else", but I was already in the middle of a meltdown, I literally couldn't.

Then he gave me bad medical news. My test results were inconclusive and didn't show what was wrong with me. Which meant there was no hope of my pain ending any time soon.

Thankfully my mother was there and she helped me communicate, and we at least got him to order more tests, and to prescribe me a new medication to try. But at no point did he become kind or merciful; it was clear from his face that he just wanted me out of his sight as quickly as possible, because I am "rude".

At that point I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I turned into an animal. I had to escape; my flight response kicked in HUGE. I ran out of there. The minute I was in the hall I started to scream at the top of my lungs, and I could not stop. I punched the concrete wall over and over (my hand is all bruised today, I think I'm lucky that it's not broken). People in the hall were terrified of me. Rightly so. I was violent and out of control. I tried to rip the pictures of the walls, but they were screwed down.

My mother was brilliant. She knew I couldn't stop, or speak, or listen. She said to me "Our goal is to get to the car. Let's get to the car. We can do it." Simple, clear direction that was easy to follow. I couldn't stop screaming or crying, but I could walk. She put her hand on my shoulder and guided me, down the hall, out the door, into the car. Because if I'd stayed in the building with that behavior, police could have been called. Very bad things could have happened. She saved me from that.

I screamed in the car for a long time. I could only sob and cry and scream. I think about a half hour went by. It was a long time. Finally, because I was in a safe place (our familiar car), with a person I trusted (my mother), the worst of the meltdown passed and I was able to stop screaming.

I was exhausted. I was terrified. My hand was killing me. I was like a puppy or a little child, helpless to my overwhelming emotions. Eventually, Mom asked if I'd like to get a donut from the donut shop across the street. She moved my mind onto something else. The donut tasted delicious (I mean its a donut), and that pleasant sensory input helped me focus my mind. I finally calmed down enough that we could talk.

I am 40 years old, live independently, have a professional career, a long-term relationship with my partner, and otherwise appear to be a "successful allistic". But yesterday, I was absolutely nonfunctional. If I didn't have my needs supported by my mother, who knows what could have happened.

I am much better today. Exhausted from everything, but not overwhelmed anymore. I'm telling this story so that others who go through a meltdown can know what it is- and why they're suddenly acting like that. It's because of my autistic brain, and the fact that it was overwhelmed with more emotion than a body can handle or express.

But it passes. It ends. The next day comes, and you can try to heal.

Hi there,

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I’m not sure if you’re seeing that doctor or not, but I would try and distance myself if you work together, or see each other.

That doctor, or whoever it was, is the rude one, yelling at people and being disrespectful and not understanding. Who walks in and randomly starts yelling at people?

I sometimes have my boyfriend or mom speak for me because sometimes I don’t know what to say or do in certain situations.

Sorry for the rambling. Thanks again for sharing. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

Also please try and get away from that doctor. Reading this made me sad and angry. I’m sorry you had to deal with this. Sending a hug.

[buddiewho]

Bobby and Athena are couple goals, aren’t they? The whole conversation with Maddie and Bobby adamantly saying she needs to get a hold of Athena, I kept thinking about what Buck had to be thinking…it felt like a “that’s love” moment, you know? You remember? That feeling Buck had once before, and now he might have a better understanding of it to step back and see that there is someone he too would do the same for. “You can have my back, anyday.” “You can have mine.” “I got you…” I had not expected season 8 so early on to reignite the Buddie fuel. Friends, I’m really feeling giddy…there is something on the horizon. The construction is clearing on Sunset. No more detours allowed; only more steps made closer to each other. 

It is time to take the leap. Though, I’m still very guarded because when you get your hopes up and then…also, just to add: I do think that Buck and Tommy are okay for now. While I have enjoyed (I know some don't) what is being presented, I have never thought of them as long term. Honestly, I suppose it’s how I’ve treated every romantic relationship Buck and Eddie have had, (which is kinda sad), but I do think you can have several meaningful and stressful relationships along the way to understanding that the right person has been in front of you all along. Right?

Okay, so this is longer than I anticipated. Not really surprising. All right, so this thing with Gerrard…hmm, I’m not sure what to make of it. Some have said that Buck may be completely unaware of how Tommy leaned into Gerrard’s attitudes and participated in the hate speech and all of that crap, but I think he’d know this by now whether or not we’ll see a direct conversation. Pretty sure Buck will partly know what Gerrard thinks he is going to do by taking him under his wing. Gerrard is only going to get more pissed when he realizes he cannot change Buck and never will. We know Buck struggles with saying no, and is a people pleaser, however, I do think that the “rebellious” part keeps him from being molded into some kind of drill sergeant who will kiss Gerrard’s feet. Also, I kind of want things to unfold and be revealed that Gerrard only got this position because of the politician that is trying to screw up Hen and Karen adopting Mara. Somehow, I feel like that’s gotta come back around and then the Fire Chief or whoever will get their heads out of their asses and put the 118 back together under Captain Bobby Nash.

[system-of-a-feather]

Tagging @syscurse with this cause they seem to have more awareness of the final fusion "discourse" and I dont have a thesis statement or any real argument here beyond just casual discussion nor do I know if Im "strawmanning" cause I havent actually seen much of it since M&M's final fusion backlash (+ Im not trying to argue, just share thoughts)

But the common line of "Final Fusion isnt even worth it / isnt even good because you can always resplit" and what not is honestly fucked up and problematic to say in regards to a healing method but on a personal level didnt so much have anything to compare it to in order to highlight it

But as someone who has been working with OCD longer than DID and final fusion, its kind of like saying "Trying to resist / be free from doing your compulsions isn't even worth it because you can always get new compulsions or relapse, even if you free yourself from all the ones you have now, its not like itll stay that way"

Cause - and Im not sure how many chronic long term OCD folks are out there - but for cases like mine where its "high functioning" (ie constant but due to how its done it doesnt impact my day to day as much as it should) and long long long deeply rooted and untreated, a valid settling place for healing is to just integrate and adjust the compulsions to be less intrusive and focus on navigating obsessions and intrusive thoughts better

For some it might just not be worth the time and effort to actually fully stop all the compulsions entirely because - in our case - there are too many, its too deeply rooted in trauma and other disorders, and so reinforced that to do so would be a SHIT ton of work whereas usually we actually are pretty functioning

So if we were to put the community aspect the DID community has onto the OCD "community" then one could say there is "full remission" and "functional OCD" as recovery goals.

And as someone whose happily settled in functional OCD and currently really isnt seeking out full remission (as that would probably be after final fusion) its completely valid to say "Im happy with this level".

Much like DID and splitting though, the OCD brain even after healing is still a brain physically wired in an OCD way and inevitably you are always going to be prone to developing obsessions and compulsions. Does that mean working on freeing yourself from the ones you currently have is pointless? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Even if you have two weeks, two months, two years, twenty years, forty years and then "relapse" or whatever it is and end up gaining new obsessions / compulsions or splitting a new alter, obtaining that period of ideal and desired healing is an amazing thing.

Healing has ups and downs and works like a tide for almost every disorder and every version of healing. Its not a special thing about DID or final fusion, heck the claim could be made with functional multiplicity and dissociative symptoms and barriers coming back

Idk man, Im mostly rambling thoughts but TLDR healing is a rollercoaster, sometimes its a Disneyland ride sometimes its Six Flags, but there are ups and downs regardless of the disorder and version of healing for an individual and I really think its a bit of a negative nancy and a thought coming from a place of not understanding later stages of healing from people not quite there yet

Anyways, just rambles open mic to anyone who wants to ramble back

[cooking-with-hailstones]

I’m curious, what do you think about Zelda games and continuity in general? I know one point of contention with BOTW/TOTK is the “lack” of continuity which yeah, i get it. It could be better. However the Zelda series is not known for its continuity lol. Like, take OOT and MM for example. MM is supposed to be a sequel to OOT, right? Well, tbh it’s not a very good one. Besides the fact that Link is the same one from oot, and the happy mask salesman and skull kid return, it feels really disconnected from its predecessor. I think Twilight Princess fits more as a sequel to OOT than MM. I could go on and on but what are your thoughts?

Very good question! So yeah, I know that the Zelda games give 0 craps about consistent lore or continuity, which is fine! I think they put forward a lot of different and interesting ideas. As a fandom, and especially as writers, we can treat it like a buffet of ideas to sample and play around with.

You raise an interesting point with oot/mm. I think the difference between oot/mm is the fact that they have very little in common with each other. New map, new characters, a completely different concept. There's a lot of mechanics that are the same but it really feels like you're in a new universe with the same aesthetics as the previous one, and that's about it.

I think TOTK stands out to people because it is a direct sequel with only a few years between them in-universe, but there is very little story, lore, and setting continuity between botw and totk. If it were a whole new game with a new slate of characters and a new map, I don't think the discrepancies would feel as jarring. That being said, I really love totk as a game! It's fantastic and I've sunk at least 100 hours in.

However, botw remains my favourite game because: botw is a gesamkunstwerk. TOTK is not a gesamkunstwerk.

And now here's my very long tangent about this:

I'm sure I've seen a video talking about this idea before but basically, a gesamkunstwerk is a German term for "total work of art." Coined by the composer Richard Wagner (whom we do not like, but his ideas were very influential), a gesamkunstwerk is a large scale work where everything reinforces each other. It is "a work of art that makes use of all or many art forms, or strives to do so." So in opera, for example, this would be how the orchestra, the costumes, the text, the music, the set pieces, everything comes together to tell one unified story.

I believe botw is a good example of a gesamkunstwerk: the open world setting serves the narrative framework, the Sheikah technology is incorporated seamlessly into the game mechanics, the story is scattered throughout the world for you to discover, but everything is still centered around your final goal and the narrative arc you're meant to travel. You're meant to explore, meet people, hone your skills, then face off against the final foe that you've been staring in the face for the whole game. You're meant to discover the world, to do all these things, as the player and as Link. Everything in botw reinforces everything else. It's not a perfect game by any means but it is incredibly well crafted.

And while totk improves on all the things in BOTW, it loses the cohesiveness that tied the first game together. I find that totk fights itself in a lot of ways. It didn't commit to being a linear game but it clearly has a linear path in mind (hello dragons tears...I am so glad a friend of mine told me to do them in order) The integration of zonai and Sheikah mechanics made no sense to me. The sages... Good gravy the sages...

Anyways this turned into a much longer post than I intended, but I hope this all made sense.

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

I doubt literally anyone else will care about this, but this has been a mini goal/desire of mine for so fricken long now, so I wanted to at least share it here, ha.

Anyway, TPWP is one of my more popular fics. It took a while to get there when I was posting, creeping up with the kudos and hits and everything each week, but by god did it get there. Once I finished posting it and it plateaued in statistics, the only fic that was above it in terms of popularity was my old fic, A Pirate’s Life (APL), which I had written when I was like 17-18 I believe. And APL is not a bad fic, no. It’s just definitely unpolished and a bit rough in spots. And the ship itself is a bit ehhhh, though I always liked the fanon interpretation of the ship much more than anything from canon. I’m digressing though.

Anyway, I always privately hoped that TPWP would surpass APL in popularity, since I much prefer TPWP in terms of writing ability and the ship itself. I also wanted my most kudosed and ‘popular’ fic to be something that reflected my current writing level and ships, not something I wrote and liked when I was newly an adult. While I know now that the number of kudos on a fic ultimately doesn’t matter too much and doesn’t really say if a fic is popular or not, TPWP having more kudos than APL was always a private goal of mine, something I privately wanted and hoped for.

However, after I had finally finished posting TPWP and the last of the rush of kudos came in from that, I saw that TPWP was almost 200 kudos away from APL, and given the fact that fics will often stagnate in kudos/hits once they’re complete and haven’t posted in a couple months (at least in my experience), I had a feeling that I’d never really make this goal. And it was a little disappointing, but I never let it bother me too much. Plus, starting last year I had a new most popular fic (thanks, Luigi and the Beast), so I had something else that reflected my modern writing style and ships, so it wasn’t that big of a deal anymore in my mind.

Still, part of me wanted TPWP to surpass APL, and today, it finally happened. While this can obviously still swap since I do still get kudos on APL from time to time, the fact that TPWP not only managed to reach APL’s kudos count, but surpassed it even once? I never thought that would happen, to be honest. I never thought that TPWP would manage to get almost 200 extra kudos once I stopped posting regularly, since in my experience that doesn’t happen often. Usually I’ll get a decent amount once it’s no longer an active fic, but not enough that it would surpass another old fic that was gaining passive kudos too.

Anyway, I’m not so sure where I’m going with this. As you can see from my screenshots, it’s like 5am where I am now, and my brain just woke me up and refuses to let me go back to sleep (a common occurrence these days, for some reason. I’ve long since stopped asking why my brain does what it does in regards to sleep. It’s better that way), so I’m kinda rambling.

The point, I suppose, is that this was a goal of mine for so long now, and I’m honestly kind of proud and happy that I finally reached it. While I do have problems with TPWP, ultimately I am very proud of it and it makes me so, so happy that people are still enjoying it all of these years later. When I started writing fanfic over 13 years ago at age 13, I never would have expected to be here. My writing was meh at best and I struggled a lot with getting my thoughts and ideas across. There’s a reason I will never post my fanfiction.Net username, even though my oldest fics are still posted there. Writing was just something I did for fun and as a way to show my love for my fandoms; it was never anything serious. But I always wanted to write a fic that mattered… you know? That stuck with people. That people genuinely liked and that maybe even helped them. You know?

I think I managed that with TPWP. I’ve gotten so many comments over the years thanking me for writing it, people saying that they will go back to it and reread it from time to time, that it helped them, etc. I was always so grateful and happy that I was able to write something that resonated with so many people, which had been a dream of mine ever since I started writing and would cry tears of frustration when I struggled to get my thoughts across how I wanted to.

And, like I’ve said. I know that kudos/favorites are not the only metric to determine if a fic is popular or ‘good.’ However, it has always been a good base for me to gauge interest in my fics, to see roughly what people think of it. And, even though it prolly shouldn’t, the amount of kudos/favorites on my fics has always mattered to me. Ever since I was a young child I’ve had an intense desire to be liked. But more than that, I always wanted to be ‘the favorite.’ To be ‘the best.’ Even when I knew I never would be, simply because I lacked the skill or patience to be ‘the best.’ I still would always want that, and it would hurt me deep inside to know that I just… wasn’t. Yes, I was smart, but I was never ‘the smartest.’ Yes, I was well liked by my peers, but I was never ‘popular.’ Yes, I was always doing well and could hold my own in most things I tried, but I was never (and would never) be ‘the best.’ I just couldn’t. I was either too unskilled, too impatient, too shaky (physically, in some cases), too… everything, and I could never, ever be the absolute best at anything, really. I just physically couldn’t. I’d never be the best singer, I’d never be the best artist, I’d never be the best writer, I’d never be the best chef, I’d never be the best creator, and I’d never be that elusive ‘favorite.’ Never, never, never.

And it hurt. A lot. Growing up and even to this day. But I’ve gotten so much better with it over the years. With the knowledge that I will never be ‘the best,’ that I will never be ‘the favorite,’ and that this is okay. And, in fact, not only is this okay, but it’s expected. Perfection is a myth and it���s impossible to achieve. I spent over 375k words trying to showcase this fact, because it’s something I still, to this day, three months past twenty-six, struggle with. But I’m getting there. By god, am I getting there. And by removing that desire to be ‘perfect,’ to be ‘the best,’ I’ve improved so much in every field I create work in. Once I did away with the desire to create something ‘perfect,’ I was able to make things that were just ‘good enough.’ Is this art project I spent hours working on made more of hot glue than its actual art medium? Yes, but it’s made. And it looks nice enough. And while it will never win any awards, I like it. Is my writing repetitive, derivative of itself, sometimes rushed, and more focused on angst than plot? Yes. But it’s made. And it’s good enough. And people like it. And, most importantly of all?

I like it.

I like it. Even if it isn’t ’perfect.’ Even if it won’t win awards. Even if no one else on the planet likes it, if everyone looks at it and goes ‘… okay, so what?’ I like it. I spent so much time and effort creating it. I did everything I could to make it properly. And it doesn’t matter if it’s a bit lumpy. If it has exposed seams. If it doesn’t look like other people’s creations. It’s made, and I made it, and I put my heart and soul into it, and that? That’s what matters. I learned while making it, and next time I make something similar, I’ll do better. And the time after that? I’ll do better again. And again. And again. I’ll never reach ‘perfection.’ I’ll never make something that people will look at, gasp, and think ‘my god, that’s the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen.’ I’ll never reach that impossible goal that I made for myself when I was a young preteen, painfully insecure and wanting to find validation in others. I never will reach this goal, never, ever, ever, ever, ever.

But I will get better. I will improve from what I’ve done before. And I will get stronger in every possible way I can, and I will forgive myself for the ways that I can’t. I have a lot of limitations, things I cannot physically or mentally overcome. And I will forgive myself for it. I will. I will.

And I guess, at the end of the day, that’s my point here. That perfection is a lie, that there is no end, that there is only improvement and self-appreciation. APL represents this a lot for me. At 17-18, I still struggled with this so much. I spent all of my high school years riddled with self-hatred and anxiety, wanting to be the best, but riddled with the knowledge that I never would be. I crashed and burned in middle and high school because of this. I was so terrified of never being all I wanted to be that I let myself burn to ash, to give up completely, because that was better in my mind than trying my hardest and failing. I always failed at what I wanted to do, and I was so focused on that supposed ‘failure’ that I failed to see how far I had come. I failed to see that while I wasn’t ’the favorite,’ I was still well liked. I failed to see that while I wasn’t ’the best,’ I was good enough. I was good enough. And I always would be. This is something I didn’t realize at 17-18, not yet.

But I do now. I do now, and TPWP represents that for me in many ways. Perfection in a myth. Unilateral adoration and love is impossible. And no matter what, every time you create you will get a little better, a little better, a little better. And so, the only thing you can do is create. And love what you create. And keep trying no matter what, all so that you can create more in the future and grow. So you can do what you love without fear of failure.

Anyway, this has gone on much longer than anticipated. It was just supposed to be a quick ‘haha look! I succeeded at an old, useless goal! :-D’ But somehow it turned into this. But that’s okay. That’s just who I am. I like to ramble. I like to get my thoughts out there into the world. I’m pretentious and think way too deeply on things that matter to no one else. It matters to me. It matters to me. And it doesn’t matter if no one ever reads this, or if people read it and roll their eyes at my pretension. I wrote this for me, to just get this out there in the world, and at the end of the day, that’s what matters. That’s what’s important. Not what the ‘invisible audience’ in my head screams at me every day.

I hope y’all have a good day. :-)

[your-darling-gaze]

After months of full-hearted efforts and research full off devotion, I hereby announce the completion of my first-ever invention:

The Artificial Gravity Generator

Creating an artificial gravity generator, as seen in science fiction, is a complex and theoretical concept that current technology and physics have not yet achieved. The idea is to simulate the effects of gravity in environments like spacecraft, space stations, or potentially even on other planets.

The concept of artificial gravity has been a longstanding goal in the field of space exploration and technology. As humans venture further into space, the challenges posed by microgravity environments become increasingly significant. These challenges affect not only the health and well-being of astronauts but also the long-term sustainability of space missions. Artificial gravity generators represent a potential solution to these challenges, offering a way to simulate Earth-like gravity in space.

I am pleased to announce my newest, dearest piece of tech with a whole potential and completely functional unit of working.

I have also, signed a Patent Claim with regard to this new invention of mine and am pleased to make it a private idea, feasible and available only on agreement basis and make it a limited source.

I am thankful to all the people who helped me make this project a success including my mentor Mister Anthony Stark ( @tony-starkinator ) and guiding me onto the right ways for making this a big achievement.

You know what they say, a man will die, but not his ideas.

Regards,

Darling Grace

(Experiment Handler and Alloy Specialist, Stark Industries; Co-researcher and data analyst, The Verizon STEM Effort Organization; Sub-lecturer, Wellington International University of Arts and Sciences.)

A peek into our newest tech:

Look into our report:

PROJECT ARTIFICIAL GRAVITY

___________________________________________

( @soldier-bucky-barnes @the-loss-of-my-life @imnothulk )

[a-d-nox]

Hi, I would like to join your Tumblr game if it's alright. My initials are IEKA. A goal of mine for the following year strongly focuses in one thing: putting myself out in the world. So far, I think this year, I have cultivated and finalized facing my shadow self, remaining people in my life I have to let go, and strengthening the base of my passions. Hence, this made me lean on the nore introspective side of things, and I became more aloof with the outer world (and even people) in order for me to have better knowing of who and what I should let in my life. Now, the goal for next year is to apply these learnings to practice and explore more of the world and do the things I've long wanted to do unapologetically and authentically. I guess the main term for this would be movement in alignment with purpose.

These are the emojis I want to correspond with my reading: ☺️😮💯 (in short I want the reading to say the whole truth so I have better knowledge of potential developments I can make in my life)

This is the game option I choose: POP.

Thank you in advance!

clocking no. 5

hi, nangnite - long time no chat! i definitely resonate with the above.

so let's look at your reading...

start of 2025 -> 0.5 - keep any eye out for the fool in "this reading is for you" and/or PAC readings. seems like you are going into 2025 with a completely blank slate. sometimes the blankness/emptiness/loneliness/etc can hurt... but it is important to to remember how important the nothingness is. this start of the year is filled with potential and possibilities. in absence we can also learn the true value of everything. the end of most things is the beginning of everything else. but something i am being urged to remind you is that hard fast rules like "i am never going to be friends with a person who is like that again", " i am never doing this again", etc. you can't plan for everything - not wanting to revisit old lessons can make things very complicated you still want to live, no? part of living authentically is letting yourself make mistakes again, having messy relationships but knowing when enough is enough, knowing your worth yet letting yourself have low moments, etc. you have been a bit aloof as you said so you are going to be wandering out into the unknown. the world is a hard place to navigate these days - you don't just step outside and everything that is meant for you falls into your lap. you have to push yourself and be willing to be vulnerable and potentially get hurt - be brave. "don't let the bastards grind you down."

end of 2024 -> 8.5 - it seems like you are feeling strong and courageous about your plan to get out their and align with your purpose. the key is in the courage - keep going even when things seem shaky and uncertain. also the cards want you to remember everything is an infinite loop - you might have one plan and the universe might have another. you might think you are done with somethings and some people - the universe might disagree and bring them back around... also do you have a purpose in mind - is there a hook? 8 of wands might have an answer of some components if you aren't 100% sure - communication, connection, being a catalyst of change, travel, exploration, etc.

what will change for you in 2025 -> 8.6 - you are going to learn how to just be and that is enough! it might just be a key to you feeling young and happy for life. you will be happier than you have ever before. remember to keep giving yourself a chance - you aren't done growing and you are capable of infinite growth! envision a bonsai as a mediative practice - you are growing so what do you want your shape to be...

what work will you have to do -> 8.2 - looks like it is a reflective activity the cards want you to think about. who are you when you are left with nothing? what is your definition of nothing?

the end result of 2024 as it stands right now -> 3.6 - you have completely changed at this point in time. you have adapted to your above description. you have completed the cycle. from there on out the cards want you to know it is okay to be afraid... you experienced a slow sort of magic. you were patient with yourself - you didn't know what has happened this year until you looked back at it. you came a long way so appreciate yourself.

-a.d.

[sadieshavingsex]

My partner and I finally broke up. I’ve been experiencing a lot of difficult emotions and coming to terms with a lot. Sometimes I think this blog has been a great think piece to deal with evangelicalism and its effects on me in sex and relationships. Other times I think it was a space to try to rationalize and force myself to accept a relational and sexual dynamic that really wasn’t working for me. Some of the time it might have been both. I hope that people benefited from the former, and that no one followed in my shoes with the latter. I believe that I’ve had a lot to say about sex and evangelicalism on this blog and a lot of it does hold up in interesting ways in hindsight, but I’m coming to terms with the idea that people’s mileage (mine very much included) may vary wildly when it comes to the ideas I’ve discussed here. I think it depends a lot on where you are on your exvangelical journey and what your personal values are beyond the religion you left. Despite the fact that I wrote all of these posts—and managed to stay relatively coherent at least some of the time—I’m starting to think that I jumped the gun on where I’m meant to be in my journey and how my values were evolving. The fact of the matter is that this blog really started as a way for me to deal with having sex before I felt completely ready, and while a lot of what I said here made sense, the fact that I wasn’t in tune with my own wants and needs for so long came back to bite me in the ass quite a few times. I don’t think our sexual issues were entirely or explicitly the reason for the breakup, but I think they contributed immensely to (or at least compounded) pretty much every problematic facet of the relationship. I would hate to see anyone follow in my footsteps in this way by using my posts to explain away major issues in their relationships or convince themselves to do something they’re not ready for. I really just hope that people have come to this blog, taken what they need and what works in their life to benefit and help them, and left the rest.

This post sounds very sanctimonious and blog-ending, but it’s not to say that the blog is over. I still have a lot of thinking and self discovery to do, and I’m thankful for the experiences I’ve been having even though they’ve been really intense. I believe the blog may take on a more positive and balanced tone now that I am going to be moving on from this situation. Maybe I can even give some advice on things that work for me in my journey, when it feels like for so long this whole relationship has been something that just wasn’t working for me, whether I admitted it or not.

Thank you all for being here with me through this and for all your messages of advice and support. You are amazing!!!! I hope this blog has helped you articulate your own feelings and commiserate about common struggles, and I sincerely apologize if any of the posts I’ve made pertaining to my own warped perspective of a difficult situation have caused you confusion or pain or veered you off the path to your goals and happiness. I love you all and wish nothing but the best for each and every one of you ❤️ happy new era for the blog!!!

[xarrixii]

F/B Chapter_41 : "Family"

CW: none this time around that I can think of previous chapter | beginning | masterlist

/ / / / / | ---

Who knew the words keep this under wraps would end up turning into the hottest gossip in all of Storm?

“You did hear me, didn’t you?” Nacht set his elbows onto the desk and rested his head on his hands. After a few seconds of silence, he followed the motion by cocking his head.

“Yes, sir.”

“Quite frankly, I do remember telling you to keep your mouth shut about my nephew.”

“I know, sir.”

Nacht hummed and leaned back into his chair, hands crossing on his lap. The man shook in one of the two chairs opposite the desk, looking at the light on the floor above him. Clearly, he seemed to think being inside of this office was a death sentence.

If that were the case, Nacht would’ve smashed his head in already.

“You’d better hope you’re not a spy,” he said politely.

The man across from him grew shocked, fists locking up against the chair.

“You knew entering the department meant a rewire when you left. And you let something slip, so you’re moving departments. I think I should consider you lucky that you chose something so mundane to leak prematurely.” Nacht stood up and began to stride over behind the man. “Unless you’d rather a complete rewire and your swift exit?”

“No, sir.”

“Good man.” Nacht pat the guy’s shoulder. “I’ll radio for⸺”

Someone knocked on the office door. Nacht turned to look, removing his hand from the man’s shoulder. His computer mouse floated upward to the floor, dangling awkwardly from where the cord was set to the desk.

“Come in.”

Adiel strode in, standing on the floor and meeting Nacht’s gaze from upside-down, shutting the door behind her. “Your, ah, nibling, I believe he—they, said the term was, is very lively.”

“Lively implies they are walking around?”

“Yes. Very much so.” Her accent cut through the room.

Just as he’d forgotten what he’d done on impulse. Nacht cleared his throat. “And, humor me, whose idea was it not to tell me it was done?”

“Mine. I believed it would be best to give him, them, some readjustment time. To filter and form their, ‘nudge in the right direction.’ ” Nacht raised an eyebrow quizzically. “It’s a lot of shoving particular things to the forefront of thought and shoving others to the back. Your nibling has an almost amusing amount of memories to stir cooperation, but they need to form it all themselves or it’ll fall apart with the lightest jab. And I figured you much too, radical not to interfere.”

Nacht huffed in amusement. “Right. I’m assuming you’ve determined your goal set, then?”

“Yes.”

“Then I shall be off.” Nacht was about to begin walking before staring at the man still in chair. “Right. Adiel, this man needs his department changed. Will you?”

“Of course.”

Nacht waited for the man to get up. He didn’t.

“It’d be considerably more pleasant for you to walk to the right of gravity than smash your head on my floor,” Nacht prodded. “No?”

That got him up.

Nacht made slow pace down the hallway. He made sure not to look at the people looking at him directly when he walked past. It’d been a long time since Nacht had last visited the newcomer block. It’d been Raijin’s job to deal with the recruitment process unless Nacht gained special interest in something.

Or someone.

He clenched his fist in his pocket. Nacht would have to start paying more attention to Raijin’s choices of interest.

It was so embarrassing to figure out they were pinned beneath you⸺

Nacht’s step faltered, just barely, as someone rounded a corner in front of him. He had to remind himself Amaterasu would never dare cut her hair that short. And they noticed him standing there, too.

“Comic guy. You ready to accept the whims of human life?” Nacht’s dear sister’s spawn of life was surprisingly just as sarcastic.

Nacht smiled. “I suppose I am. I hope this meeting is better than getting thrown against a wall?”

Alph shrugged. “I’ll take it.”

“Good,” Nacht said. “I believe we have some catching up to do. May I?”

“Sure, yeah,” Alph replied questioningly.

They walked together in silence, Alph taking one hand out of their pocket to look at the black Storm-issue smartwatch. The one for newcomers. The sight of one made Nacht’s head throb.

“It’s Nacht,” he put out to distract himself. “I’m probably better known to you as your crazy evil uncle.”

They snorted. “Probably not Mum’s exact words, but yeah. Pretty much.”

“Little Matty,” Nacht said slowly, “she was a very different person thirty years ago. Commendable. Strong. Tore open your pseudo-grandfather with her bare hands. Now she just leaves people to die.”

Alph looked down.

“You didn’t deserve that, Alph.”

“Neither did Urb.”

Nacht reluctantly raised an eyebrow. “Who’s this?”

Alph carried themselves hesitantly, stopping in front of a door. They shrug. “He’s the strongest guy I know. Survived a lot. Got roped in with me. Mum threw him in the dirt every chance she got.”

Nacht furrowed his brow.

“Hayton Deposits, he was holding his own against two guys, and then she told everyone to leave him in the truck. Then she put him against an electro for his initiation and basically told him to dodge for ten minutes. I mean, Storm figured he was worth the while before Mum could. And then I fucked it up. He should be here right now, not me.”

“So he,” Nacht tried to recall the file he’d read on repeat. Urb, Urban—it matched. D-class PY. Initiated. Classified. Cinder classified. Amaterasu never classifies anything. “He passed? He fought off an electrokinetic for ten minutes?”

Alph looked slightly taken aback. “No. I mean, unless he finally managed it after I got abandoned on the dance floor.”

Nacht nodded. When he didn’t respond with anything, Alph knocked on door 352-RD. A muffled shout and then the door swung open. “Raiden!⸺” he started before his gaze landed on Nacht standing in the background. The startle was there for such a fleeting moment Nacht had to convince himself it had happened at all. “Hey. Ready to get your ass handed to you?”

“I got bored,” Alph lamented.

“And that’s...?”

“My uncle.” Alph put their free hand into their jacket pocket.

“Nacht,” Nacht finished. “You are?”

“Mark,” his face turned deathly serious. It reminded Nacht of someone he couldn’t place. Unfortunately, Nacht couldn’t hold silence for very long in passive conversation.

“Am I allowed to intrude on your sparring session?”

Mark bent back into the door to put on and lace up a pair of combat boots. Nacht didn’t receive an answer until after they stood back up and walked out of the room. “Promise not to interfere?”

“That would ruin half the point.”

“Then come on.”

next chapter | masterlist

/ / / / / | --- missing a content warning? let me know

hey hey! if it isn't... you. nacht. hmm.

taglist (ask to go on or off): @lychhiker-writes, @madeoforgansandtissues, @fins0up