#a little bit of elriel in the end because why not?

[stargirlie25]

so many people say that Elucien and Gwynriel would be boring but Vassien and Elriel would be so much fun!

NAURRNAURNAUR

There is nothing forbidden abt elriel lets be honest. The only reason rhysand forbid them is not because he hates them its because he saw that it is just lust. Not some emotional bridge between them. Do we remember when Feyre went into luciens mind and she sensed what he was feeling towards elain? Its safe to say Rhysand did just that with azriel and then forbid it because his feelings are not even serious!! Do you seriously think Rhysand would forbid elriel if Azriel was falling in love with Elain? No. If he saw that they were in love, he would accept it and protect them because in ACOWAR he said that Elain would be supported if she decided against the bond. If later in the series Azriel said, ''i love Elain and she loves me'' Rhysand would 100% be supportive. The only thing in the way of elriel is Elain herself.

Now that we got rid of the fake forbidden aspect, what about Elain and Azriel. No forbidden love. Just Elain and Azriel. They are both accepting each other with wide arms. There is nothing interesting about that. In real life sure. Although now you have to think. In a book that only has words and leaves everything up to your imagination how would Elriel be interesting besides plots? No in real life your partner does not have to challenge you. Although in a high fantasy novel with these specific characters, they do nothing for each other. Elain would not help Azriel grow and Azriel would not help Elain grow. Lets be honest they both need growth. Azriel would just try to protect her and push down the idea of Elain doing big things. Not that its her fault but his shadows would continue to hide from her. They are apart of him! Elain and Azriel do have an understanding between each other but so does cassian/feyre and nesta/rhysand. I never thought they were romantic until ACOFAS. Also reading about another sister finding herself in the night court and a bat boy will bore me to death. Elriels have no other reason to say they are interesting other than forbidden love and plots. Its gone so far to say Elain will be a spy like azriel. ''The hewn city troubled her'' and so will every place Azriel tends to spy in.

Why do i think Gwynriel will be more interesting?

Well first off the fact that we figured out facts about Azriel when he was with Gwyn. Eg, He sings and sleeps with a dagger. Obviously yes his shadows! Although his shadows have been intimate with others but they do something they have never done with anybody, they dance and sing. They lighten around Elain AND Mor. SJM made these two women take away the darkness of Azriel. Then she inserts another, who embraces this darkness and smiles at them. There is multiple times where his shadows are out and he is not happy or he is stressed. I see some people say this is a bad thing. No not really. Azriel is aloud to be upset without there having to be a deeper reason. Also his shadows hid from koschei but who cares about that! Its important to note that he is happy/calm with Gwyn PLUS his shadows are out. That is growth. Not only for Azriel but for Gwyn also. Cassian AND Azriel made Gwyn feel stronger. In the start of ACOSF Gwyn says shadowsinger but towards the end she says Azriel. After the traumatic event, she feels comfortable around him. A man. That is growth. Not to mention after Azriel showed her how, she was able to cut the ribbon and become the first Valkyrie. She had been trying for weeks but after that one little lesson with Az, she cut the damn thing. Lets also note the fact that Azriel likes his space (got that from gwyn) and he isnt ever really taken by suprise. Although can you just imagine all of Azriels walls are up yet Gwyn makes her way in? It makes sense! Azriel said he is never really taken by suprise but Gwyn does that. IMO Azriel showed no personality for a lot of the books till he is with Gwyn. Now i can make a little bit of sense of who he is. Gwyn can simply answer a question and he can simply answer. It's easier on him.

Now Elucien my babies!!!!!!!!!!

We know that there is canon proof that Elain does not belong in the night court and that it sucks the general life out of her. Lucien has been struggling to find a home for so long and yes he has found friends eg,jurian and vassa although i highly doubt the human lands are his home. Elain has also made friends (nuala and cerridwen) although the night court still sucks the life from her. It makes sense though, darkness does suck away lightness. Now ive said before that the day court makes sense for both lucien and elain. For lucien, He can live in a place full of light (which is what he needs) and he can have a proper father figure and find a place where he is fully excepted. For Elain it also makes lots of sense. The day court helps people grow and Elain helps flowers grow. Not to mention it is still connected to the night court because feyre says that rhysands full beats form is helions beast forms are parallel and perpendicular at the same time! So she would still be connected to her sisters and friends. Besides all of this, Elain and Lucien have not yet found themselves. They have tried to find a physical home but there is still something missing. IMO i think Elucien will have the bond in which ''Home is not a place, it's a person'' They have always been the light in dark families so them together? Perfect! I also think Lucien would help Elain blossom. The buds in her mind are closed but light can help them grow! I think it's important to remember that Elain likes to help. She would help the servants at her home back in the human lands and she would help nuala and cerridwen. Although as if right now, every single member of the ic (except maybe amren) coddles her. It always, Elain doesnt go near- or Elain shouldn't- as if she does not have a voice and choice. HAHAHAHA IT RHYMES anyways given how Lucien acts, i feel as though he would help her be stronger in a gentle way. He himself does not like to be coddled or underestimated and says safe is boring. He would for sure understand elain!

Anyways there is much more deeper reasoning but this was all i had energy to write!

[loveyazy]

Hi! So I haven't read acotar (well a little bit but it didn't hook me) but I've been reading your posts about the upcoming book and I'm so curious, I don't know these characters but the second hand gossip is fun and I'm rooting for them lol when does the book come out? when will it be announced who the protagonists are?

JSHDKAKJSD I had written so much on my phone but then I closed all the apps and I lost it so hopefully I can remember most of it still.

The thing is it's OBVIOUS it's going to be Elain. She has even said in this interview x at 25:00. I don't know why people genuinely think GWYN is going to be the next book 🫠. Her purpose was to help Nesta. Outside of that, there is not much left to tell of her story. It's done. TBH, I completely forgot she even existed after I finished reading ACOSF. Like I kept seeing posts about her on my insta discover, and I was like who tf is Gwyn? 💀

Also just... ELAIN IS THE THIRD ARCHERON SISTER. How can it NOT be about her when Feyre had the first three and then Nesta had the fourth? Like it's so painfully obvious. Anyone who thinks otherwise is just delusional.

Even if it's not Elain and it happens to be Mor, it's NOT going to be Gwyn before Elain LMFAO.

But this is why I think it's going to be Elriel and not Elucien.

Firstly, Koschei the Deathless. The story follows Ivan marries his THREE SISTERS to THREE WIZARDS.

Ivan saw his three sisters wed to the first suitors who came across them—wizards in the form of birds.

Hmmm THREE SISTERS. BIRDS >>>> BATS. 👀

Eventually Ivan goes on to defeat Koschei with the help of his sisters and their husbands.

And then we have another Koschei retelling. The FOX and the FIREBIRD. Listen Sarah was not subtle with the names. Vasalisa >> Vassa. Lucien had a fox mask in ACOTAR, making him the obvious fox. You can read more on it here but I'm going to do a quick summary.

A king has a garden that produces one gold apple a day, but it was stolen every night. He promised half his kingdom to whichever son could catch the thief. He has three sons, and they all tried to catch it. The third son saw the firebird and shot at it, and hit the bird in the wing, but it escaped and left behind a golden feather. The king wants the fire bird and promises whoever brings the fire bird alive would get half the kingdom and be the heir. So they all go out to find the Fire Bird, and they all encounter a Red Fox.

The fox approaches each prince, and asks for something to eat, but the first two shoot at it. The third prince shares his food. So the Red Fox takes him to the palace where the fire bird is and tells him how to grab the fire bird by putting it in the wooden cage, not the golden. Well, the prince says how can a lovely bird be in a wooden cage and proceeds to put it back in the golden, but then basically sounds an alarm and he gets arrested. The King tells him to bring him back a golden man.

The fox says he'll help the prince, but of course the prince is a dumbass and goes I'm gonna choose the pretty one instead of the one the fox told me to choose and he gets arrested and this king says bring back Princess Goldilocks from the Golden Palace in the Black Sea.

Anyways it goes on and the third brother is betrayed by his other two, and the fox brings him back to life. In the end he gets the kingdom, the firebird, Goldilocks, etc. The fox is very instrumental in this story.

SPOILERS AHEAD IF YOU HAVEN'T READ ALL OF ACOTAR

We have hints that Lucien and Vassa are very close. They talk to each other. Plus they live together along with Jurian.

Plus if it was going to be Elucien there would be hints that Elain even had romantic feelings for him. Even a little attraction. She doesn't. She literally stares at a boiling tea kettle until he leaves because she doesn't want to spend any time with him.

She wants nothing to do with him. And yes sure she says she doesn't want a male, but remember that she is still dealing with the traumatic events of being forced into the cauldron and being changed.

This though, happens a year later with Azriel...

Imagine seeing this in the most recent book, and thinking they're like siblings. Sounds like the antis have some sort of incesty weird freaky ass sibling relationships. 😬

This also happens in the book, which I believe is during the same time? But Az's was a bonus chapter and this was available to everyone.

Elain is not herself around Lucien. I don't understand how anyone can see their relationship and think that's going to be endgame. This was the most recent book.

Even before ACOSF, Nesta and Cassian had this in the previous book that alluded to their romance.

But there is absolutely nothing to allude to any sort of Elucien romance. Elain wants NOTHING to do with Lucien. And honestly, I don't blame her. Who would? He was a part of the most traumatic thing that ever happened to her.

I'll never understand Elucien shippers. If you like Lucien, why would you ship him with someone who wants nothing to do with him? If you like Elain why would you ship her with someone she wants nothing to do with?

I'm 10000000% convinced the Elucien shippers are just Gwynriels who ship them so they can have their ship justified, but most of their evidence is just their headcanons, and them not being able to read between the lines and interpreting things very wrong.

[monowritestoomuch]

ACOTAR ELUCIEN VS ELRIEL RANT

I’ve been asked to voice my opinion about this topic numerous times, and here’s what I’m gonna say:

I don’t give two damns about either one! You heard me!

The arguments annoy me to the hells because it’s one person going “I like my classic flower girl and emo shadow angst fest” vs “I like my nature girl and a fire boy awkward fest”

Two sides of the same coin

Honestly, I’ve never been a fan of Elain or Azriel. I remember reading for the first time and within the first few pages I told my friend who had recommended me the book that she seemed bitchy and empty, she has a bit more personality now but idk just never my favorite.

I would like to see more of her character in future books before I make my entire assumption and assimilate my opinions

However, Azriel never stuck out to me. Kinda basic shadowboy ngl. And I know I’m about to have every SINGLE AZRIEL GIRLIE BE LIKE “dOnT u tALk cRaP AboUT OuR MAn”

I can and I will. Deal with it.

He’s never stuck out for me cuz he has no personality besides flirt and I have big wings. It’s not that I hate him, it’s just that I wish he was given more personality if SJM would do that, but I don’t think so.

And for the love of god, leave Gwyn alone, like bro, 😭😭😭 what did she do???? Let her, Emerie and Nesta gossip and fight and do their stuff, stop character assaulting the redheads ppl! 🫵🫵🫵

HOWEVER

LUCIEN IS MY BOY. MY TOKEN NORMAL GUY IN THE SEA OF CRAZIES AND COOKS IN THIS SERIES

Lucien. Everyone’s favorite flirt who doesn’t try to be more than he is. He’s subtle and a little bit of an asshole but he has personality! And flare, and a good ass backstory!

I honestly only want him to be happy, I could care less about the other two I just want Lucien to get a break from his copious amounts of PTSD from his long crappy-esc life

Another thing, BRING BACK JESMINDA

SJM, you already revived a ton of others, why not Jesminda? She was one of the best characters in the whole book series and she was literally dead. Like, she was one of the few stable relationships Lucien had and she died.

Now hear me out when I say this, Lucien should maybe stay single, for the time being, for his mental health

He needs to heal too, don’t forget that, let him heal with Jurian and Vassa and not be seen as a spy or as a shady guy when he needs a break.

Not to mention he’s apparently in the spring court rn so we’ll see more of that

anyway, tldr, Idgaf abt either ship, both can suck it idc which ends up cannon, the arguing is stupid, don’t send threats to one another, be adults, Lucien needs therapy, the end

[acourtofthought]

Me again and on the same day, so... I hope I'm not being annoying...

But what do you think about ccity3? (if you have already read it)

I may end up releasing some spoilers, so if you don't want to risk it, don't continue reading!!

I mean, more specifically what do you think about the shadows of Az, Ruhn and Comarc?

Today I saw an E/riel girl saying that the shadows disappear when they (Ruhn and Comarc) are comfortable, so they insisted again that Az's shadows disappearing with Elain is a good sign... I don't believe it's the same thing, definitely.

(But I don't have much context from Ccity, I haven't read them yet. Well, just the third one to see my girl Ness and Az)

And if you've already read it, what did you think of the Bryce&Az&Ness extra, the ending in particular; from shadows dancing to Az humming; of the exact words "could have sworn" being used in both of Az's extras twice;

And the song "Stone Mother"; Do you think it has a "meaning" for the future? I've seen people saying this is about Elain, I particularly agree with something I read about it having some connection to his mother (who was briefly mentioned during the extra)

They distorted a part claiming that the shadows danced with Bryce's cell phone, but that doesn't happen. I've never met an Elriel who played fair, they're always trying to change what was said. (Some said they were very confident after Ccity3, and I honestly didn't understand why)

Well, maybe I'm just super paranoid, looking for a little Gwynriel in every line... lol

I actually feel special to have gotten two asks in a day from you so thank you!!

I think if we were to compile a list of everything Az's shadows have ever done from start to finish in series, we'd find conflicting information.

I imagine there was a time where SJM did not truly know what she was doing with Az's shadows or what she wanted them to do for a particular love interest because she wasn't even sure that Az was getting a book early on.

And I think it's also a bit difficult for us to compare them to Cormac because the way Az's shadows came to him is unique. We're told that they came to Az while he was born in the dungeon, an airless, light-less prison where he learned the language of the shadows and it's difficult to say if the relationship he developed with them is equal to that of those with similar powers. Ruhn and Rhys share similar powers however it's evident that Rhys is by far and away much more powerful.

Az's shadows aren't exactly "him". They seem to be a bit sentient when you consider that he tells us they keep him company, that they whisper to him. He is not fully in control of his shadows at all times, they told him to sleep and he thought on how he wished he could.

I'm not saying we'd want Az's shadows to be swarming and ready to strike like snakes at all times, that's clearly not a good thing for either Az or the shadows. But having them tend to vanish around someone when he tells us they've been his companion would be like a friend who you grow up with start disappearing anytime your girlfriend came around. Wouldn't it be better if his shadows remained but were at rest or calm?

That's not the narrative SJM put out there for his shadows around Elain in SF though. They skittered away from her, he says they tend to vanish when she's around. It's clear that in SF Az is not in a great place so for E/riels to say they disappear around her because he's calm and that's a good thing is a complete contradiction to him thinking on how he's been ignoring her because he's bothered by her bond. She clearly does not bring him peace.

In the same book we're told that his shadows are afraid of the Sun and in HOFAS, we get more evidence that they don't hold up to light very well.

When you consider how SJM often connects Elain to light and sunshine it seems pretty obvious that she's telling us Elain's penchant for those things is not going to compliment what we know of Az's shadows.

She also could not have made it more clear that the shadows responded to Gwyn in a way they never did with Elain. They danced and twirled with her breath, they were content to sit on Az's shoulders and watch when before the shadows were trying to get him to bed, they sang in response to her song (just as they sang in response to Az's humming). Saying they vanish around one female while having them curious and a bit playful with another, even if it's only in relation to her powers (as E/riels like to claim) is still better for the shadows......which are a part of Az but not fully him. They don't need to love Gwyn because the shadows are not possibly mated to Gwyn. But if Az is mated to Gwyn and his shadows have a bit of a thing for her song then is that not an extremely symbiotic relationship for all parties involved?

I'm not even sure Azriel understood the lyrics of the song because Nesta says she couldn't understand them so maybe it was truly just the melody that captivated Az. And the way the melody was described is a lot like the music of the priestesses service.

As likes music.

Gwyn is a singer.

Az himself began humming once the phone stopped playing.

They share a common interest and that's a valid thing to comment on in regards to a ship.

If Az was aware of the lyrics and the lyrics had to do with the Stone Mother legend than I'd hope no one would be trying to turn the words into anything ship related as the legend is Native American and Elain and Gwyn are white. But to your point, it could have something to do with his mother as she is Illyrian.

[deathsweetblossoms]

Azriel's Bonus Chapter, Mating Bonds, and Mor(e)

This was another find that had me PAUSE (if "YELLING SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS" can be likened to a simple "pause" then, okay.) Disclaimer: we talk about a potential mating bond between Azriel and Mor in this analysis, but I still tie it back to Elriel in the end.

I had intended to debrief each bonus chapter, but instead of approaching Azriel's in the simplistic way I approached Feyre's, I want to zero in on this one particular breadcrumb because ... WHAT?

"if Lucien finds out you're pursuing her, he has every right to defend the bond as he sees fit. Including invoking the Blood Duel."

Azriel hears Rhys say this, balks, and then thinks about how there was one other time, before this one, where he had thought about invoking the duel against Eris and Beron for Mor. /ALARM BELLS/INSTANT ANXIETY ATTACK/SARAH WE ARE GOING TO FIGHT.

Look me in the eyes and tell me this isn't weird. If we break down what Rhys is warning to it's simplest form:

Lucien, as the mated male, has the right to invoke the Duel for someone who posseses a threat to his mating bond (aka, if some other male wants his lady, he can fight to the death for ownership of his lady. An outdated duel, for sure, because...why does the female get no say? This seems like something Mor would vehemently want to run away from, or do anything in her power to avoid getting roped into. Think about it - why is she so desperate for freedom?)

When Azriel thinks about how he wanted to invoke the Duel for Mor, he says he seriously considered invoking it against Eris and Beron both "despite being an outsider".

So my question is, uh... WHY would he invoke the Blood Duel for Mor? Can it be invoked in a non-mating bond situation? I laughed off the theory of Azriel and Mor being mates but now I'm kind of like, WAIT. WTF IS GOING ON HERE? Because Mor was set up in essentially an arranged marriage with Eris, correct? So, that can be perceived as a direct mating bond threat, which Azriel could have invoked had they, in fact, been mated.

Also, as if my poor nerves weren't already suffering, Rhys even asks, "What about Mor?" which always drove me a little bit crazy because you're telling me all-knowing, all-seeing Rhys, who constantly told Feyre to stay out of it, DIDN'T NOTICE that Mor wants nothing to do with Azriel? And "prefers women" anyway??? Why would he even bring Mor into the conversation when they're discussing Elain and tenuous political alliances that would implode if Azriel pursued her? What is this, high school???!?!

*RIPPING MY OWN HAIR OUT*

But also, it explains a lot in terms of Mor being scared shitless of Azriel's response when she's threatened. If SHE also knows that they're mates, it would make sense for her character to want to run as fast and far away as possible to avoid putting him in that sort of mate-induced rage to invoke something like that.

It also explains "What if the cauldron made a mistake", as in, if he's somewhat aware of a potential bond between him and Mor, he is also aware that the cauldron CAN MAKE A MISTAKE. Because it did with them. Mor clearly prefers something else, and pursuing something else would make her happier although she still has a lot of love for Azriel and they remain friends.

See also: A Brief Overview of Feyre's Bonus Chapter and Analyzing the Necklace, The Mother, & Azriel's Bonus Chapter

Below the cut is some Elriel leaning theory and screaming given the above information.

So consider this: both Elain and Azriel have mates but they still end up choosing each other. WHAT A WILD STORY. You cannot tell me you wouldn't be on the EDGE OF YOUR SEAT over something like this?!?! Especially if Elriel would be a threat to *checks notes* the fragile political alliances of The Autumn Court, The Spring Court, Jurian and Vassa?

So with all of that hanging over their heads, and with their own mates, these two still choose each other?!

Oh, man, oh man. I would be losing my shit. IDK about you all. But..ooooo I would EAT THIS UP.

[dottielovegood]

Dottie’s Solstice Prompts 🎄

Secret Santa Elriel 🎅🏽❤️

Thank you for the prompt!

Tags: office romance, modern AU, Secret Santa and a little nod to Solstice and the necklace. Rating: Explicit Word count: 9059

I hope you like it! <3

───── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─────

Secret Santa

Elain walked around the office with a giant burlap bag, collecting all of the Secret Santa presents for the office party that evening. Since it was her last week at Shadosinger Records, she made sure to stop at every desk and make small talk with her soon-to-be-former colleagues. She would miss most of them a lot, but it was time for her to leave. Working as a personal assistant had never been her plan and she had stayed here long enough.

After graduating culinary school, Elain had been in desperate need of a well paying job. She had just broken up with her boyfriend and moved into her own apartment. She had applied for a few jobs at a few bakeries but none of them paid well enough. So when she found the listing for a PA position at Shadowsinger Records, she had sent in her application without really expecting to hear back. She had no experience as a PA, and she knew nothing about music or the music industry. She knew that Shadowsinger was a small music label with a great reputation though, and when she googled them she actually recognized a few of the artists that they represented. That only made her doubt herself even more, but to her surprise, they called her in for an interview just a few days later. Apparently, they really needed someone to begin as soon as possible and they didn’t care about her nonexistent music knowledge since they just needed someone who was very organized and wouldn’t mind working long hours. 

Elain got the job after a second interview and started that very next day. She had been told that the job consisted mostly of answering emails, planning meetings and keeping track of her new boss’s schedule. It sounded easy enough, and Elain was just happy to be able to pay her bills while also being able to save some money each month. 

Elain hadn’t expected that she would end up actually liking the job, but she did. A lot. Mainly because she really liked her co-workers. She especially liked the marketing managers Cerridwen and Nuala who had become Elain’s best friends during these years. But it was time to leave. She couldn’t stay here. Not only because she needed to actually follow her own path in life, but because she couldn’t stand seeing him every single day. 

It was such a cliché. How many movies and romance novels had she read about a young personal assistant with a crush on her older boss? Not that Azriel was much older – he was only 32; only five years older than Elain. But still, it was embarrassing. It was embarrassing how his voice made her melt and how she always worked extra hard just to get his approval. At first, she had just found him ridiculously attractive. Most women would. He was very handsome and at first glance, he looked a bit dangerous. He was tall and muscular and only dressed in well-tailored suits that hugged his body in just the right way. But that’s not why Elain liked him so much. No, that came later. 

As his personal assistant, they obviously had to spend quite a lot of time together. At first, it hadn’t been a problem. Sure, his appearance had always been a bit distracting but Elain could handle that. But then he started asking her about herself. When they were going through his schedule, he would ask her about her plans for the weekend. After telling him that she usually spent the weekends in her kitchen, he had asked her to bring something for him. And she did. Of course, she did. She brought him a slice of her favorite chocolate cake. She hadn’t imagined that he would eat it in front of her, but he did. 

Oh, he did. 

Elain had watched his lips close around the fork. Had watched his throat as he swallowed. Had watched him close his eyes to savor that first bite. And then, he had looked straight at her and told her that it was the best thing he had ever tasted. 

No. Those were not the words he used. 

“This is the best thing I have ever had in my mouth.”

That’s what he said. And that made Elain focus on his mouth once more. On his lips. And she thought about all the things those lips could do. Was he a gentle kisser? Did he like to tease his lovers with his mouth until they were asking for more? She really shouldn’t think about her boss like that, but she couldn’t help it. Looking back, she probably should have quit that very day. 

But she didn’t. Instead, Elain brought him a sweet treat every single Monday. They would start their weeks in his office, going through the schedule for the coming week while eating whatever she brought that day. And in between all their talk about work, he asked her about herself. And once or twice, he even answered some of her questions about himself. And with each passing day, Elain grew a little bit more in love with Azriel. 

Azriel. That’s what he asked her to call him. It was odd, at first. It felt very disrespectful to not use his last name when talking to him, but everytime she slipped up, he corrected her. “Please, call me Azriel.” And so she did. 

She even called him Azriel late at night when she touched herself to images of his lips exploring her body. She called him Azriel when she imagined what those scarred hands could do to make her come undone. She called him Azriel when she fantasized about the way he would praise her when she came for him. 

And that was exactly why she had to quit. The more she got to know him, the more she liked him. Sometimes, she even imagined that his eyes lingered on her when she walked past him. Sometimes, his hands accidentally grazed hers when they reached for the same paper on the desk and she could feel shivers run down her spine at those small touches. And when he told her that she was a great asset to his company and that she was doing a good job, she knew without a doubt that she really had to get another job. Praise from her boss shouldn’t make her press her thighs together to relieve the ache there. 

It was wrong. It was so wrong and she couldn’t continue like this. So when her friend from culinary school had messaged her to ask if she wanted to work as a pastry chef at his new restaurant, she had decided to just go for it. This was the opportunity she had waited for and even though she would miss working at Shadowsinger Records, it was time. With some time and distance, she hoped that she would forget all about Azriel and the feelings he invoked in her. 

He hadn’t seemed surprised when she handed in her two weeks notice, nor had he seemed particularly upset. He had just taken her letter of resignation and nodded when he finished reading. There hadn’t been a single emotion on his face. 

“I’m glad you’re putting your talents to good use,” he said when she told him about her new job, and that was that. She was leaving and she would probably never see him again. It was for the best. 

–----

She had organized this small Christmas party as a way to say goodbye to everyone, and she had been slightly surprised when Azriel had told her that he would join in on Secret Santa this year. Azriel never joined them for After Work Fridays and he seemed to only go to parties if they were a requirement. She had no idea why he wanted to come to this silly little party, but she was very happy that he would. 

They were planning a big party for all the employees, artists and other important people in the industry next week, but Elain would be gone by then. And in all honesty, she didn’t care that much about hanging out with celebrities. She just wanted to spend a lovely evening with the people she had worked with for the past couple of years. When she had collected everyone’s gifts, she made her way over to Azriel’s office. She smoothed her hand over the red velvet fabric of her dress. Elain had decided to dress up for the occasion. She was wearing a short red dress with a white fake fur trim. She had matched it with white tights and a cute little santa’s hat. 

Nuala had given her a once over when she stepped out from the bathroom. “You look like a sexy Mrs. Claus.” 

Elain had blushed at the comment. She wasn’t used to being called sexy. Cute, pretty and beautiful, yes. But sexy? No, that wasn’t her. As someone who mostly wore circle skirts and cardigans with floral prints, she definitely identified more with being called cute. But she appreciated the comment nonetheless. 

Elain raised her hand and knocked on the door. Three knocks, just to let him know that it was her. It was their secret message. 

“Come in,” his deep voice called from behind the door. Elain let herself in. 

Azriel was sitting behind his desk and the room was as immaculate as always. There wasn’t a single pen out of place and Elain wondered if he kept his own home just as tidy. 

She shouldn’t be thinking about his home. She shouldn’t be thinking about him at all.

With a small smile on her lips, she walked up to his desk and held up the bag. “Just collecting the gifts for Secret Santa,” she said. His eyes were still glued on the computer in front of him. 

“Hmm?” he asked, and she knew that he hadn’t heard a single word. 

Elain bit her lip to keep herself from laughing at his intense focus. 

What would it feel like if he was that focused on me? 

She shook her head as soon as the thought entered her brain. Stupid, stupid brain. And stupid, stupid heart. You shouldn’t want things you can’t have. 

She put the bag on his desk and that finally got his attention. His eyes met hers and then they traveled lower. Elain felt hot all over. 

“Elain,” he said and she was certain that he was taking in her ridiculous outfit. “What are you wearing?”

She shrugged as if she wore this every day. “A festive dress.”

“Festive,” he murmured under his breath as if that was the last word he would use to describe it. 

Elain patted the burlap bag on his desk. “I’m just here for your Secret Santa gift.”

Elain could have sworn that he looked at his desk drawer for a split second before his eyes returned to her. “Shit,” he said and scratched his neck just the way he always did when he was uncomfortable. “The Christmas party. That’s today?” 

“It is,” she laughed. “Did you forget to buy a gift?” 

“Something like that,” he muttered. He still held her gaze and Elain could barely breathe. “I’ve been a bit busy. I’m sorry.”

Luckily for Azriel, Elain was the greatest personal assistant in the world and she had a feeling that he might forget, which is why she had bought two Secret Santa presents. One from her, and one from him. She obviously had no idea who he had gotten, so she had bought something gender neutral that most people could appreciate. She pulled out the gift she had been hiding behind her back. 

“No worries,” she smiled and gave him a playful wink. She regretted it as soon as she did it. “I– I got one from you. You can just write the name of the person the gift is for on the label, and no one will know. It will be our little secret.”

Why did it sound like she was flirting with her boss? Was she flirting with her boss? Maybe that single glass of prosecco Cerridwen had given her earlier had gone straight to her head? 

Azriel made no move to reach for the gift. “Our little secret, huh?” He gave her that little smile she loved so much and leaned back in his chair. Elain was definitely not looking at his chest and the way his shirt stretched over the muscles there. “How do I know that you didn’t buy something ridiculous just to make a fool out of me?”

Elain put her hand over her heart and feigned a hurt expression. “I would never.”

“Uh, huh. So when the person I should have bought a gift for opens that gift,” he nodded to the present she was holding. “They won’t be horrified?” 

Elain shook her head. “Nope. It’s actually a pretty nice gift, if I might say so myself.”

“Will you tell me what it is?”

“I think your punishment for not remembering to buy a gift is to not know what’s in here.” She handed him the gift. “Just write the name on it.”

“You’re punishing me?” He was grinning when he reached for a pen and his eyes never left hers. There was a playfulness to his tone that Elain loved and she wanted more. More, more, more.

She had no idea what to answer though, so she stayed quiet and motioned for him to write. Azriel cupped his hand over the label so she couldn’t see the name he wrote down before putting the small gift in the bag. Elain followed his every move, her eyes transfixed on his hands. They were covered in scars and Elain had no idea why, but she knew that whatever had happened must have been painful. But even with the scars, his hands were graceful. Beautiful. 

She wanted them on her. 

“Elain?” 

She cleared her throat and met his gaze again. She forced a fake smile and prayed that he hadn’t noticed her staring. “Yes?”

“Was there anything else?” 

She picked up the bag and slung it over her shoulder. “No, that’s it. See you at six.” And with that, she hurried out of his office. His stupid office that smelled like cedar and night-chilled mist and him. 

God, she was pathetic. 

–-------

The party was a success. Azriel had been 30 minutes late but Elain had barely noticed. Everyone was having fun and most people were a little bit tipsy, which was perfect. Nuala and Cerridwen had arranged a music quiz and Elain didn’t stand a chance when most people in the room actually lived for music. But she did win the gingerbread decorating contest. 

When it was time for the secret santa gift exchange, everyone gathered around the tree, excited to see what they would get, and equally excited to find out who their secret santa was. When Elain picked up the bag from underneath the tree and started to hand out the presents, Nuala changed the music to “Santa Baby” by Eartha Kitt. Elain glared at her but Nuala just smiled at her and wiggled her eyebrows. “Sexy Santa,” she mouthed and Elain rolled her eyes at her friend. God, she would miss her friends. She would miss hanging out with them everyday. 

“And this one is for you, Varian.” Elain handed him a gift wrapped in red paper with a green bow on it. Varian took it and started to unwrap it and Elain couldn’t help but glance at Amren, who had been his secret santa. They had some sort of weird relationship going on. Everyone knew that they were having sex, but Amren still acted as if he didn’t exist half of the time. And oddly enough, Varian seemed to like it. 

Elain wasn’t one to judge, but it was weird. It was also a bit weird that Amren had bought him an electric toothbrush. “Eh, thanks,” he said, but there was no hiding the confusion on his face. “Sorry if my breath stinks.” Everyone laughed at that comment. Everyone, except Amren. 

“It’s from me,” she sighed. “You can keep it at my place. I know that you are particular about cleaning your teeth.” 

“Aren’t those more than 20 bucks?” Balthazar asked. “I think you might have gone over budget, Amren.”

She shrugged. “I was getting him a gift anyway. It felt unnecessary to get him something he didn’t need.”

“Always so practical, Amren,” Mor laughed. 

Elain reached into the bag again and pulled out one of the biggest presents in there. “A big one for you, Cerr. I guess you’ve been very nice this year.”

Without missing a beat, Nuala chimed in, “It’s probably just a big box of coal.”

Cerridwen narrowed her eyes. “If you’ve given me coal again I might murder you.” 

“Don’t worry,” Nuala laughed. “I didn’t get you.”

Cerridwen unwrapped the gift quickly and beamed at the puzzle she was now holding. “A puzzle! I love puzzles. Thank you.”

“I know,” someone in the back said. “Other people show pictures of their babies or cats, you show people pictures of your puzzles.” Apparently, Eris had been Cerridwen’s secret santa. 

“Puzzles are way cooler than children,” she said and smiled at him brightly. “I’ll make sure to send you progress photos.”

“Please don’t,” he muttered, which only made Cerridwen smile even more. 

Nuala received a book from Mor. “Is this the book you told me about last week?” she asked, a big grin spreading across her face. 

“Perhaps,” Mor answered with a little wink. 

Cerridwen reached for the book. “What is it about?”

Nuala handed the book to her sister so she could read the blurb. “Oh, it’s just lesbian smut.”

“Why am I not surprised?” 

The next gift was for Mor. Elain had bought her a gift set of bath bombs from Lush. “This is perfect, Elain. Thank you so much,” she beamed and smelled the box. “They smell divine.”

Eris’ gift was a small book with the title “500 dick pics” written by Phil McCock. Every single person doubled over with laughter when he held up the gift. “Who the fuck bought me this?” 

Nuala raised her hand, unable to speak through the tears of laughter. 

“You can have it back,” Eris said and tried to hand her the book. She just shook her head. “No, thank you. I’m not into that.”

“And I am?”

“Open it.”

“I’d rather not,” he muttered and looked down at the book with disdain. 

Mor reached over and opened the book for him. “See, it’s blank. It’s just a notebook.” 

Elain dared a glance at Azriel and was surprised to see him smiling. “I dare you to bring that to a meeting,” Azriel said in challenge. 

“You guys are the worst,” Eris sighed when Mor returned the book to him. 

The next gift was for Azriel. Cerridwen had given him blue light blocking glasses, which Elain knew even before he opened his gift. She had helped her friend with that one after Cerridwen told her that she was planning on buying him a pair of festive socks. Elain had helped her find something more suitable, and since he was in front of a screen most of the time, these glasses had seemed perfect. And she wouldn’t mind seeing him in glasses…

“Thank you,” he said and smiled at Cerridwen. “That’s very thoughtful.”

Elain continued handing out gifts until there was only one single gift left in the bag. Her heart sank when she held it up in front of her. It was the gift from Azriel. The gift she had bought because he would forget. 

And it was for her. 

Azriel was her secret santa. 

Or, in this case, she was her own secret santa. It hurt more than it should. It was just a silly game. Elain plastered on a smile as she started to unwrap the present. She didn’t dare look at Azriel so she kept her eyes down as she peeled away the last of the paper.

“A USB coffee mug warmer!” She hoped that her surprised expression seemed genuine. “Thank you.”

There was a beat of silence, and then, “You’re welcome.” 

She could feel Azriel’s eyes on her and she took a deep breath before meeting his gaze. She smiled at him and held up the gift. “This is perfect. I love warm tea.”

I love warm tea? Who the hell said that? Elain wanted to sink through the ground.  

“Don’t you have one of those already?” Nuala asked and Elain wished that her friend could have just kept quiet for once. 

“Yes, but now I can have one at home and one at work.” Elain still smiled. She hoped it was convincing. 

“But you’ll be working in a kitchen after Christmas. You won’t be able to use a…”

“Who wants eggnog?” Mor shouted and Elain could have kissed her right then and there for bringing everyone’s attention away from her. Mor gave her a small nod and a sad smile before walking into the kitchen and Elain hurried after her. She didn’t want to end up alone in a room with Azriel. Someone changed the music to a weird Norwegian Christmas song and within minutes, the cheerful and festive spirit was back. Elain put her gift on a table and decided to not think about it for the rest of the evening. It wasn’t that big of a deal, anyway. Azriel was her boss and he clearly didn’t think about her the way she thought about him, which was a good thing. Anyone could forget to buy a gift. She didn’t care. And she actually really liked warm tea. 

She tried to not notice the fact that Azriel slipped into his office as soon as people started singing along to the music. He didn’t come out until the party was over. 

Not that she cared. She didn’t care at all. 

–-----

“We're going to Rita’s.” Mor draped her arm around Elain’s shoulder. “You’re coming, right?” Mor was already a bit more than tipsy and Elain could smell the alcohol on her breath. 

“Maybe some other time. I’m too tired.” It was true. Elain was tired. And anxious. And she had a restless feeling in the pit of her stomach and she really didn’t want to go to a club right now. She just wanted to go home and stuff her face with chocolate. 

“But it’s your last day,” Mor pouted. “What if we’ll never see you again?”

Elain couldn’t hold back her laughter. “I’m not moving to Mars. I’ll come visit. And you can come and eat at the restaurant any time you want.”

“Will I get a discount?” 

“Anything for you, Mor.”

Mor kissed her cheek and walked away. Elain started to clean the paper plates off the tables. 

“Do you want to get a ride with us?” Nuala asked. “You live pretty close to Rita’s, right?” 

“I’ll be fine,” Elain said and motioned for them to leave. “I’ll just clean up here and then I’ll get an Uber.”

Nuala stared at her. “You are not going to clean up this mess all by yourself.” She had already removed her hat and her gloves when Elain noticed that someone was standing behind her. She knew who it was before he even spoke. 

“I’ll help with the cleaning. You guys can go.” There was a softness in his voice that Elain had never heard before. She had no idea what it meant but she suddenly wanted to beg Nuala to stay. But Nuala had already put her hat back on. She walked over to Elain and hugged her close. “Call me tomorrow, okay?” 

“How about you call me when you wake up?” 

“Deal,” Nuala laughed. “But send me a text when you get home tonight, okay?” 

Elain nodded before saying goodbye to the rest of her former colleagues. She wouldn’t call most of them friends, but she would miss them nonetheless. 

“Don’t be a stranger,” someone shouted before the door slammed shut behind them and Elain waved to the closed door with a silly smile on her face. 

And then she remembered where she was. And who she was with. 

When she turned around, she found Azriel leaning against the wall, his eyes focused on her. Suddenly, she was very aware of her body and the fact that she was still holding a trash bag. Azriel said nothing and Elain couldn’t stand the awkward silence. 

“I’ll take the kitchen if you…”

“The cleaning crew will take care of it.” Azriel made his way over to her and took the black plastic bag from her hands. 

“The cleaning crew doesn’t come in until Monday.” Elain had no idea why she cared. She wouldn’t be there on Monday. She was going to have a long Christmas break before starting her new job. 

Azriel shrugged and put the bag down next to the door that led to the small kitchen. “I called them earlier. They’ll come in tomorrow morning.”

“Oh,” Elain stroked her hands over the soft fabric of her dress again. It soothed her. She tried to ignore the fact that Azriel followed her every move because his intense gaze made her even more nervous. “I guess I should leave then.”

She made to leave but Aziel reached out for her. When his hand wrapped around her wrist she almost forgot how to breathe. “Wait,” he said and it sounded like a demand. And then he said it again, but softer this time. “Wait.”

Elain faced him but didn’t dare to look him in the eye. She kept her gaze focused on his tie. Black, as usual. 

“I’m sorry.” Azriel let go of her wrist and Elain had no idea if she wanted to run away or ask him to touch her again. Maybe both? Elain had no idea why he apologized now. Was it because of the gift? Or because he had touched her? Everything was confusing and she needed to leave. 

“Don’t be.” She tried to get her body to move again but she couldn’t. She just stood there, staring at his stupidly perfect chest. “It was an honest mistake.”

Azriel let out a breath and scratched his neck. “No, it wasn’t.”

“Anyone could forget to buy a gift. I know you’re busy. And I really do like warm tea.”

Hello, universe? Yes, it’s me, Elain. Please open up the ground and swallow me whole. 

Silence stretched between them and Azriel let out another breath. “Come with me.” 

Without another word, he started to walk towards his office and like the lovesick puppy she was, she could do nothing but follow. 

He led her into his office and closed the door behind her, which was odd. There was no one in the building. Elain stopped right inside the door and Azriel walked over to his desk and opened the top drawer. She followed his every move as he took something out. It looked like a small black box. 

“I didn’t forget.”

Elain was staring at the box in his hands, completely oblivious to what he was saying. “What?”

Azriel placed the small box on his desk and used two fingers to push it toward her. “I didn’t forget.”

Elain looked from the box to Azriel and then back at the box. “You–” she took one step closer to the desk. “You got me a gift?”

“I did.” Why was he so good at hiding his emotions? Elain felt as if she was burning up and he was standing there, looking as if he just asked her to go over next week’s schedule. 

“Why?” 

“I was your secret santa, remember?” he smiled at her now, and there was something so careful in the way he looked at her. As if he didn’t want to scare her. She had no idea what to make of this situation. 

Elain held his gaze this time. “Why didn’t you give it to me earlier? Why didn’t you just put it in the bag when I came in here?”

He shrugged and picked up the box again when he realized that Elain wasn’t going to reach for it. “I might have gone a bit over budget.” 

“So did Amren,” Elain blurted out. 

Azriel let out a soundless laugh. “Yeah, well, this isn’t a toothbrush.” 

“Good, because I have one of those too.” 

Azriel winced. “I deserve that.” He walked around his desk until he was standing right in front of her again. Was it warm in here? He held up the box. “Go ahead, open it.”

Elain stood frozen. It looked like a jewelry box and that scared the shit out of her. Why would he buy her jewelry? But then again, it might not be. It could be something else that’s really small. Like a rare coin, or a stamp. But then again, why would he buy her those things? Why would he buy her anything at all? 

When she didn’t move to take the box from him, Azriel reached out and took her hand in his. His touch was so soft, so careful. Like she was something precious. His scars were rough against her skin and the feeling of him was almost too much, yet not enough. He placed the box in her open palm and closed her fingers around it. 

“You shouldn’t touch me like that,” Elain breathed. 

“Why not?” he asked and he sounded almost as breathless as she felt. 

“Because you’re my boss.” You’re my boss and I have a crush on you and you are not making things easy for me. 

“Actually, I’m not. Not anymore.” He looked at his watch. “Your last work day here ended more than four hours ago.”

“Okay?” Elain had no idea why he was telling her this. It’s not like it changed anything. 

He gave her a gentle smile and tapped her hand. “Just open it, Elain.”

God, she loved it when he said her name like that. Her name sounded like poetry on his lips. She closed her eyes for just a second and took a steadying breath before opening the small box. 

Elain held her breath as she took in the content of the little box. It was certainly not a rare coin or a stamp, no. It was a necklace, and a beautiful necklace at that. On a gold chain was a small rose amulet that looked to be made of glass. It shimmered in the light – such a stark contrast to the darkness of the box. 

“It’s beautiful,” she murmured, unable to really believe that this was happening. She met Azriel’s gaze again and he regarded her with such carefulness. Her entire body ached with feelings she didn’t understand. “I can’t accept this.”

She tried handing the box back to him but he didn’t reach for it. “I can’t accept this.” The words were barely more than a whisper this time. 

“Yes, you can.” 

She shook her head, suddenly unable to speak. It was too much. Too much and she didn’t understand. “Why?” That small word held so many questions she didn’t dare speak. 

With a gentleness she didn’t know he possessed, he stroked one of her fingers holding the little box. “Because I want you to have it.”

“But,” Elain shook her head in confusion, “Why?” Suddenly, why was the only word in her vocabulary. Why did he get her a gift? And why did he get her something so beautiful. This was the kind of necklace you gave to someone you cared for. A friend. A lover. Not your assistant. 

“I bought it because it reminded me of you,” he gave her a gentle smile. “You always wear those cardigans with the flowers on them, and you told me once that you love roses.”

She did love roses. Especially pink roses, just like the necklace. 

“But, I…”

“Do you like it?” he interrupted before she could even get the words out. 

Elain swallowed the lump in her throat and looked at the glass rose again. It was truly beautiful. A work of art. “Yes, but..”

“So take it. Please.” 

She had never heard that word from him before. Please. It sounded so foreign on his lips and she wanted to hear it again and again and again. 

She had to leave.

She really should leave. 

But when she met Azriel’s eyes again, there was a new kind of warmth there that she hadn’t seen in him before. His entire demeanor right now was so different from the no-nonsense boss she was used to. She had only caught glimpses of this side of him before and she had no idea what to make of it. She wanted it to mean so many things. And maybe she had a weak heart, or maybe it was the eggnog, but she couldn’t say no. Not to him. Not now. If this was the last memory she would ever have of him, she wanted to cherish it forever. With an unsteady hand, she held out the box to him again and for a fraction of a second, she could see something like pain in his eyes. He didn’t reach for the box straight away, so Elain said, “Put it on me?”

Azriel let out a breath he seemed to have been holding. Without another word, he took the necklace from the box and asked her to turn around for him. In this moment, she would have done anything he asked. 

“Hold up your hair for me.” His voice sounded raspy, deeper than usual. Elain twisted her hair in her hands and gave him access to her neck. In the window on the other side of the room she could see their reflection. He was like a dark shadow looming over her, and she shivered at the image. She knew that this moment would plague her for weeks. Months, even. She knew that she would conjure up this very image in her mind in the dead of night when the darkness was her only witness. And then his fingers were on her neck and Elain had to bite her lip to keep herself from whimpering at his touch. His fingers were careful as he fastened the clasp and his fingers seemed to linger there at the nape of her neck, as if he was trying to make sense of this situation too. His touch sent shivers down her spine and she wanted nothing more than to lean into it– lean into him. But she couldn’t, so she just stood there, looking at their reflection in the window. When their eyes met there for a fleeting moment, she realized that he had been doing the same thing. She wondered what he thought of it all. 

As if he could read her mind, he murmured, “I’m glad you decided to quit.”

It was probably the last thing she expected him to say right now and the comment caught her off guard. Hadn’t he been happy with her performance? Why hadn’t he said anything? 

“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that,” he continued, his voice calm and low. He met her eyes in the reflection again. “I’m just glad that you’re following your dreams, and that I won’t be your boss anymore.”

Elain’s hand traveled up to her neck where the necklace now rested between her collarbones. It felt so delicate against her fingertips. “Why?” she asked for the millionth time tonight. God, she should probably wish for a dictionary for Christmas because this was getting ridiculous. 

When Azriel didn’t answer, Elain turned around, unable to stand the tension any longer. His eyes dipped to her neck. “It looks good on you.” 

“Why are you happy that I’m quitting, Azriel?” She needed to know. Needed him to answer. Her mind was currently making up all kinds of answers and she just had to know the truth. She had to understand. 

He lifted his gaze again and when he did so, she almost stopped breathing once more. She had no idea how to interpret the heat she found in his eyes, but she knew that she had never seen him look at her like that before. Unless you counted her dream. In her dreams, he had looked at her exactly like that so many times. 

Was this a dream? 

“Because,” he said, and then his hand was on her again, traveling up her arm, “I’ve been wanting to do this since the day you stepped into my office for the first time.” His hand was now resting against her neck and Elain leaned into his touch. There was nothing else she could do. 

“Do what, exactly?” she whispered. 

He took one single step closer and then her body was pressed against his and this was all of her dreams coming true and it was too much and not enough and oh god, what was happening? His thumb stroked her jaw gently before he moved his hand to the nape of her neck, his fingers tangling in her hair. She couldn’t have held back the moan that escaped her lips even if she wanted to. 

He said nothing but she could clearly see the question in his eyes, asking for permission. Slowly, as if in slow motion, Elain nodded, just once, but that was all he needed. Before she could even register what was happening, he was leaning down and she stood up on her toes just to get even closer. 

“This,” Azriel murmured and she could taste the word on his breath just before he closed the distance between them. The kiss was tentative at first, his lips just barely grazing hers. Elain closed her eyes and placed her palms on his chest just to keep her balance. She was getting light headed and the soft way he was kissing her right now wasn’t helping. But as soon as her hands were on him, something changed in him. His hand in her hair tightened and his lips became more determined. His kisses were nothing like she had imagined - they were out of this world. When his tongue teased her bottom lip she heard herself whimper and then she was the one asking for more. Elain wrapped her arms around Azriel’s neck and pulled him closer. He groaned when she moved her body against his and she could feel just how much she wanted her. 

She was kissing Azriel. 

She was kissing her boss. 

She was… shit. What was she doing? They shouldn’t… 

“Azriel,” she breathed and placed her hand on his chest again. This time, she pushed him away. He was breathing heavily and his eyes were dark when they met hers. “What are we doing?”

A smirk played on his lips. “I thought it was obvious what we’re doing.” 

“Yes,” she shook her head as if that would help her gather her thoughts. It didn’t. “But, we shouldn’t. You’re my…”

“I’m your what, Elain?”

“My boss.”

He shook his head, his hand still resting on her neck. His touch was driving her crazy. She was going mad – that had to be the explanation for all of this. 

“I’m not, though. Not anymore.”

Elain huffed a breath. “Well, hours ago, you were.”

“And now I’m not.”

She let out a shaky breath. “What does that even mean?”

He angled her face so she was looking up at him. “It means that I no longer have to pretend as if I’m not attracted to you. It means that I don’t have to ask you to bring me cakes or go through my schedule just to spend time with you.” He raised his other hand until he was cupping her face in his palms, holding her as if she was something precious to him. “It means that we can both stop pretending as if there’s nothing between us.”

Elain was speechless. She had lost every single word she had ever known. Was this really happening? Did Azriel really like her back? 

“You– you like me?”

Azriel caressed her cheeks with his thumbs and she could almost feel his answer in the touch. “Yes, Elain. Very much so.”

She couldn’t hold back the smile that lit up her face then. “I like you too. Very much.”

“Good.” And then his lips were on hers again. This time, he wasn’t as gentle. This time, she kissed him back with a hunger she hadn’t known she possessed. He walked her backwards until the back of her thighs hit his desk. “Taste so sweet,” he murmured against her lips. He stepped even closer, forcing her to sit down on the desk. His body moved with hers, never breaking their kiss. She spread her legs for him just to get him even closer. 

One of his big hands grabbed her thigh and she wanted to ask him to put those hands all over her. And his lips, she wanted them everywhere too. 

“You feel so good, Elain,” his hand traveled up her skirt. “Better than I could have ever imagined.” He trailed kisses down her throat and Elain was certain that she was in heaven right now. 

“Don’t stop, Azriel,” she moaned when he kissed that sensitive spot just behind her ear. 

“Fuck, I love hearing you say my name like that.” She could feel him smile against her skin. 

“I say your name all the time,” she laughed but her laughter got stuck in her throat when he moved that hand even further up her skirt. 

“Not like this.” 

And then he kissed her again. Elain pulled on his tie and tried to move her body just to get the friction she so desperately needed. She was more turned on than she thought possible. 

“Do you want…” he began to ask her but she didn’t let him finish. 

“Yes!” 

He chuckled. “You don’t even know what I was going to ask.”

“I want whatever you will give me.” 

He stood up and looked down at her, his eyes dark with arousal. “Good to know.”

And then that hand moved even further up her thigh, his fingers just inches from where she wanted them. “So, you want me to touch you?” he asked, that sinful grin was back on his lips. 

Elain nodded. Yes, yes, yes, touch me. 

He leaned down and kissed her temple before whispering in her ear. “And if I want to taste you, would you let me do that too?”

Another nod. Her entire body was on fire and she just needed more. Whatever he would give her, that’s what she wanted. Needed. 

“I need you to use your words, Elain.” The command in his voice made her want to do whatever it took to please him. 

“Yes,” she breathed. “Please.” 

“So polite,” he murmured and she could hear the smile in his voice. He was teasing her and she loved every second of it. 

“Please,” she said again when his other hand started to make its way up her skirt too. 

With a wicked little smirk, Azriel moved to kneel between her legs. “Can I take these off?” he asked and drew small, teasing circles over her tights. 

“Yes.” She almost said please again. Almost begged him to undress her. 

Azriel kissed her knee and reached for the edge of her tights. Slowly, he started to move them down her legs and Elain could do nothing but stare at his head between her legs and his hands on her thighs. He removed her shoes and tossed the white tights on the floor behind him before kissing his way up her calf. Elain had to place her hands behind her on the desk for support when he reached the inside of her thigh. 

With his other hand, he stroked up her other thigh until he reached the edge of her panties. She knew that he could feel how wet she was but she was too turned on to care. With his thumb, he stroked her over the thin material and Elain had to bite her lip to keep from moaning. 

“Don’t,” he all but growled. “I want to hear you.”

Elain released her bottom lip and watched him kiss his way closer to her aching core. He placed one soft kiss right there. “So sweet for me.” One more kiss, and then another and Elain was panting. She was throbbing with need and she needed him to stop teasing her. 

“Azriel,” she moaned when he licked her through the fabric and that was all the encouragement he needed. Finally, he reached for her panties and started to inch them down her legs. She held her breath as she watched him watch her. She was still wearing her dress but somehow, she had never felt more naked in her life. She wanted this man to devour her. 

And devour her he did. 

His hands reached underneath her and pulled her pussy closer to his face. At first, it was a teasing kiss, a gentle swipe of his tongue. “So fucking good,” he growled and when his lips closed around her clit for the first time, Elain let out a sound she had never heard from her own mouth before. It was heaven and hell and everything she had ever wanted. When he pushed one finger inside, Elain let go of the table with one hand and reached for his head. She threaded her fingers through his soft hair and asked for more. He added a second finger and Elain was seeing stars. He ate her like a man starved, like she was his last meal. He brought her to that sweet edge and kept her there. He was licking and sucking and fucking her and she was so very close. “Please,” she whimpered when he curled his fingers inside her and found just the right spot. “I’m gonna–” 

Before she even had a chance to finish her sentence, her orgasm crashed over her. She threw her head back and grabbed his hair, unsure if she wanted to pull him closer or push him off. She came with his name on her lips and from the growl he let out, it seemed to please him. 

Elain had to lean back on her elbows to catch her breath when Azriel started to kiss his way down her thighs again. He looked up at her from where he sat on his knees, her pleasure still coating his lips. 

“That was…” she started to say but she couldn’t find a single word good enough to explain what she was feeling. 

He raised one eyebrow. “Yes?”

“Very good.”

“Good, huh? Before this night is over, I hope I can get you to use a few more adjectives.” He smirked and stood up again. He was still fully clothed, but Elain could see the bulge straining against his pants. See just how much she wanted him. It pleased her immensely to think that she was doing this to him. 

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before he bent down to kiss her again. She could taste herself on his lips and she had no idea why she liked that so much. With one hand, she reached for his tie and pulled him closer. His cock pressed between her thighs and she stroked her hand over his stomach. She started to undo his belt, but it was an impossible task with one hand. She let out a frustrated sound and Azriel chuckled against her lips. “Greedy little thing.”

“I want to feel you,” she whined, which seemed to have to have the desired effect because Azriel replaced her hand with his, tugging on the leather. 

“I wasn’t planning on fucking you tonight,” he whispered. “I was just going to give you the necklace and ask you on a date.” He laughed at the absurdity of the situation. 

“You still can, you know,” Elain teased. 

Azriel pulled his belt free and started to undo his pants. “Can do what?”

“Ask me on a date.” Elain smiled at him sweetly. 

“Oh, believe me, I will.”

Azriel kissed her again, and reached behind her to rummage through the desk drawer. When he stood back up, he was holding a condom. “You sure you want this?” he asked, and Elain had never been more sure in her life. 

She took the foil packet from him. “Yes, Azriel. I’m sure. Very, very sure. I want you.” She had a feeling that he needed to hear those words. He seemed to let out a sigh of relief and finished unzipping his pants. 

Elain focused on his hand as he reached into his boxers and pulled his cock free. She had never understood why some romance writers called the male appendage beautiful; a dick was a dick and Elain had never felt the need to call one beautiful or pretty or anything of the sort. But now, with Azriel in front of her, she finally understood. All of him was beautiful, and big, and tonight, it was all hers. She reached between their bodies and wrapped her hand around his length. 

“Fuck,” he groaned when she started to move her hand. Her hand looked small around him and Elain had no idea why it pleased her so much. 

“I need to be inside you.”

Elain didn’t need more encouragement than that. She tore the wrapper and started to roll the condom on. He was watching her every move as if it was some sort of religious experience. 

Once more, he cupped her face and kissed her tenderly. She positioned his cock at her entrance and wrapped her legs around his hips. Slowly, so slowly, he pushed inside. Elain gasped at the size of him; at the way he stretched her so completely. 

When he bottomed out, he hugged her close and held her still, even though she was trying to move on him. “You’re perfect,” he whispered. “So fucking perfect for me.” 

“More,” she managed to gasp. “Please, Azriel.”

He kept one hand on her neck, the other moving to hold her hip as he started to move. Elain moaned into his mouth. It was perfect. He was perfect. 

They were perfect. 

Elain moved her hands to his neck and pulled on the dark strands there. He fucked her slowly, at first. His hips moving against hers while telling her how good she felt, how good she was. Elain could probably come from the praise alone. 

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” Elain whimpered when he hit a particularly good spot, and those words seemed to shift something inside Azriel. His hand tightened on her hips and then he was really fucking her. There was nothing soft about it. 

“Such a good fucking girl,” he growled and Elain felt her eyes roll back in her head. She was so close already. So close and so needy and so desperate for anything he would give her. 

Azriel reached between their bodies and pressed his thumb against her clit. “You’re gonna come for me again.” It wasn’t a question; it was a demand. Elain felt herself clench around him. “Be a good girl and come for me.”

He was fucking her so good and his cock was stretching her and he knew exactly how to touch her to make her come undone. 

“Please, please, please” she babbled, completely lost to the pleasure coursing through her veins. Azriel’s mouth was on hers again, drinking up every sound she made. She was so close, so, so…

When he moaned her name, Elain could no longer hold back. Stars danced before her eyes when she came and Azriel fucked her through the most intense orgasm of her life. She had no idea what was real anymore. The only truth she knew was him and the way his hands felt on her body and how his lips tasted hers. She felt him pulse inside her when he came and for just a moment, Elain found herself disappointed that she couldn’t feel him come inside her. She had meant what she said; she wanted everything he could give her. She wanted to feel everything. 

She wanted him to make a mess of her. 

She was very glad he couldn’t read her dirty little mind. 

–---

When Elain’s brain finally started working again, it hit her that she had just fucked her former boss in his office. All of the dirty little fantasies she had about him had somehow come true – and it had been better than she could ever imagine. 

Azriel zipped himself up again and scooped up Elain’s tights and panties from the floor. He handed them to her and she winced when she felt the cold, damp fabric against her legs. 

It didn’t take long to dress, and when they were done, Elain suddenly felt a bit self conscious. She had never done anything like this before. Never been reckless. Never given into that side of herself. 

As if he could see that she was starting to doubt herself, he walked over and wrapped her in his arms. He kissed the top of her head. She felt better instantly. 

“Thank you,” he said. 

“For what?”

“For accepting my gift.”

Elain leaned back so she could look at him. “That’s all you’re thanking me for?” she gave him a playful smile. 

“Well, I could thank you for the amazing sex.”

“Amazing, huh?” 

“Amazing, wonderful, spectacular. Take your pick.”

Elain smiled and leaned her head against his chest. “Now you’re just showing off your adjective skills.”

She felt him laugh and it was the greatest feeling in the world. Well, the second greatest. The greatest feeling in the world was probably the two orgasms she just had. 

“Azriel?” 

“Yes?”

“Are you going to ask me on that date?”

He kissed the top of her head again. “I will. Soon.”

“Soon?”

“Yes, but right now, I’m going to ask you to come home with me.”

Elain looked up at him again, her eyebrows raised. “Really?” 

“Do you really think that I would just let you go now that I have you?” 

Smiling, she answered, “I guess not.” She didn’t want to let him go either. 

“Also, if I can make you feel this good when we’re still dressed,” his voice was low, teasing. “Just imagine what I can do when I get you naked.”

[shadowqueenjude]

although i am definetly elucien,i want to put one thing out there-elucien is not confirmed,neither is gwynriel or elriel for that matter because i honestly feel like miss janet will just go with the most popular ship at that point of time for the next book, and the reason why sooooo much ships even exist is because she has no idea wtf she is doing and just does whatever for aesthetic,cuz she has a huge cult- i mean fanbase who will buy and support whatever peice if shit she writes.....like idek what is going on at this point,we satrted with tension b/w cas,az and mor, cuz cas hooked up with his so called bff's crush loooooooooong ago in their 500 years of useless life,then he gives a long winded explanation in acosf of why he had to "kill" any sort of feelings for mor,but for some reason she still "takes his breath away" and he gifts her lingerie for christmas.....i am not even opening that can of worms,then we have this tension b/w az and mor but turns out mor is gay for some reason,then elain has a beatuful,hot,intelligent and tortured mate but we have tension b/w a cardboard cut out az and elain......sometimes there are scenes b/w them that indicate they can end up together(a nightmare really,but it might possible since sarah thinks it's important that every family member live in the same city) but elain never really rejected her hot mate and some scenes show she might actually care about him and then we have az who has this mentality of a 10 year old who wants the the same toys as his friends(three brothers,three sister mentality) and suddenly we have tension between him and another girl who he trains.......did i miss smth??like what even is going on here!!!! it's as if she wants got level complicated relationship,though she could never even in seven lifetimes ever pull off smth like that cuz she doesn't have that level of nuance or creativity,it's obvious she was not going for that but it smh ended up being like that which just shows the level of this author's impulsiveness and lack of intricate thinking........it's just indian soap opera minus the mother in law

SJM is really weird about making chosen families, especially in ACOTAR. I don't know why she made everyone into each other. That Mor being gay thing was a retcon and makes very little sense to me. I think it would make more sense for any of the Archerons to be gay, or even Gwyn and Emerie, but that's what happens with straight white authors sometimes. They make the most random characters gay for "representation," but they have no idea what they're doing. As for that bonus chapter, I do think it was a little bit of fan service to include the "elriel" part as well as convenient for her plot to push Azriel into Gwyn's arms and Elain into Lucien's arms, because after ACOWAR she had compared Elain and Azriel to siblings, but someone must have told her about the popular elriel ship and that was her response. Before ACOFAS, Elriel wasn't even a possibility in the author's view. I still think it's a very low possibility based on how the BC was arranged, but it could technically happen, in which case I will never pick up a SJM book again. But...not to give SJM a ton of credit or anything, but she tends to go in whatever route she wants to go regardless of who the loudest fans are. She gave Chaol a book in a time when Chaol was highly unpopular in the fandom (not for me, I never stopped loving that man) and it turned out to be her best written book ever. So I don't think Azriel being super popular or Elriel fans being the loudest (not the most popular) will have an impact on the next book's ship. It makes little to no sense to me for her to go in the Elriel direction, especially after she made Lucien think Jesminda was his mate for so long, then was initially going to make Nesta his mate, only to have him wind up with a different Archeron sister. After all that, plus everything she put him through, to give him a rejected mate? Bah, not happening. Lucien is her Jamie Fraser inspired character, she loves him regardless of what certain fans in the fandom might think. And she has always been a fated mates writer. I am crying at the Indian soap opera comparison because ACOTAR does feel like that at times with the cringey drama and sexual tension🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. I do think ACOTAR is too heavily romance focused which is why TOG is SJM's best written series.

[astrababyy]

re: mating bond like, the concept could be interesting. but s/jm just uses it as a pseudo soulmates thing, and it's supposed to show "true love" but clearly it doesn't work because she never thought it through. it's just really bad writing and a cop out to show that two characters are "meant to be".

the concept of the mating bond is SO interesting. a love chosen by magic and fate itself could mean the importance romance people together has in this world. it could mean that the union of two people together often influences the world in great ways. it could be a promise that, in the end, there will always be a happy ending for you, a reason to keep going.

and then there’s the people fighting against it, who don’t want this despite everything and choose free will over a promise of comfort and safety and bliss. the soulmates trope always has so much potential, but it was done so dirty in acotar. the biggest crime about it is pretty much the way males react to it in comparison to the females. it is almost always the males who have the stronger reaction to it, and it’s often them whose lives and minds are controlled by this thing.

there’s this contradiction in the worldbuilding of how it works — is it about true love? equals? or is it about who produces the best offspring? is it about fitness (as in who produces the best offspring)? why are some people given the chance of love when others are bonded due to the powerful offspring? is love just a side effect of the two having the best offspring?

on another note, the mating bonds could be interesting in other ways too — like how reliance on them too much can cause toxic relationships. if so, that would make sense because kallias and vivienne built up their relationship before (?) finding out they were mates. meanwhile, feysand, nessian, and rhysand’s parents all got into relationships because they were mates. and that could show the differences between bonds that are toxic and bonds that aren’t. though i do believe this derails the whole fate thing; because if the love of written in the stars then the relationship never should’ve become so forced due to the mating bonds.

you’re very right about how little thought seemed to go into the mating bonds overall. i think for me and a lot of other people in this fandom, the reason they found so much issue with it all stems from rhysand’s comment that essentially means mating bonds can stem down to, at their very core, eugenics.

overall, i think the concept turned out very shallow due to the inherently forced nature of how many of the mated relationships came to be. I also think this is why so many people like elriel as a ship.

were it not for the mating bond, rhysand never would’ve done any of the things he did for feyre. their relationship isn’t natural because his motivations stem from a vital piece of information that completely alters the dynamic we’re seeing. i think if we’d known from the start why rhysand behaved the way he did towards feyre in acomaf, a lot more people would be turned off by him.

it’s a bit like how good characters whose morality is a major part of their personality will be seen in a much more critical light when they do something immoral/bad because the bar is higher for them. in comparison, a morally grey/outright evil that does something good will be hailed for it despite all the bad things they’ve done due to the bar just being that low for them. i think there’s actually a term for this theory (i think it’s psychological or something?), but i haven’t found it since i last read about it lol.

there’s also the example of nessian, which in general is a very icky relationship. cassian seems very predatory and possessive of nesta while also verbally abusing her and playing mind games with her. there’s this way he narrates her that makes it really obvious that cassian would never have been interested in her were it not for the fact that the two of them are mates.

it’s just really bad writing and a cop out to show that two characters are “meant to be”

this is THE most important part of what you said, anon. the mating bonds are used as a cop out, and there’s no chemistry or buildup without it. this is especially true for nessian, because there’s this underlying knowledge from the reader that we all pretty much know that nesta and cassian are mates. there’s this lack of suspense or tension in how the relationships are built up, so a lot of readers look at these relationships through rose-colored glasses because mated relationships are simply “perfect” (ugh).

[elainsweetcobalt]

I think the main reason why Elriel was seen as the most toxic side of the fandom is because everytime other ships post something about Elain and Az and the million reasons why they shouldn't be together, Elriels comes out and refute it. I've always seen it on every platform. Elriels will always throw canons and it was seen as form of attack or aggressiveness.

The sad thing is only Elriels actions are seen and condemned but not the people who created baits, or post lies on the internet. The person who lies about sources and having direct contact with BB was never called out. The mole on the fb group was never called out. The blog created to bully Elriels, the elriel artists and commissioner getting bullied out of the fandom, the disrespect toward Elriel arts, the constant bullying and side remarks, and alienation to Elriels was never seen. People overlook at that because they refuse to hear what's truly happening. There are so many noises on different sides but they are the only ones allowed to share their feelings but once an Elriel did it? Once they share what they truly feel because they're also human? They get condemned. There's always a public call out. #shamelriel was the recent disappointing thing I've seen recently, followed by constant naming towards an entire group. And at the end of the day, people are convinced it is Elriels who are still "creating" dramas and toxicity.

I think Elriels should never be condemned for preferring Elain and Azriel together and for replying or reblogging someone post to clear up lies and twisting facts. Most Elriels existed since 2016, there's dramas but never this kind of attack that has been happening since 2021. I truly admire those who are here for long, those who chose to speak up and those who wished to stay silent. I know whatever Elriel does, (either keeping things private or sharing their feelings and thoughts on the internet) will be deemed negatively.

It'll be not for long though, hopefully, because acotar 5 is coming. And I wish all these petty nonsense would eventually stop.

So hold on a little longer Elriels! Most Feysand stans loves Elriels too. We may never engage on the shipwar but we can see. I know some Feysands and Elriels aren't besties but it doesn't mean we hate one because we love both. (Especially that most Elriels are Feysand stan first)

There's nothing wrong if you speak up, nothing wrong if you all wanted to clear everything. Definitely nothing wrong for loving Elain and Az (individual and together) I understand the desperate want to not be labeled as toxic because you're only here to enjoy a ship. All these noises? It'll eventually die down, you'll laugh at it someday, but the important thing is the space and friendship you created (like what your fellow Elriel said here days ago).

I promise, you guys are not the drama 💛

Ps: so many Elriel arts and fanfics lately, I'll go and support it too! And also so many new Elriels! New fanfic writers and artists, new blogs every week showing their love to Elriels. I've seen how Elriels grows on here, tiktok, twitter, and Instagram. It is very exciting 💛

Pss: tumblr may seem as not the safe space anymore unlike pre acosf, but be sure that it still is. It is because most Elriels I see truly love the ship and are very welcoming, true and warm! People will still come and find this space safe because of you guys.

Hi Anon Thanks for that message and sorry for taking so long to reply, the last few days have been a bit overwhelming and I stayed away from my inbox as some questions are not as nice as yours.

I think I agree with much of what you said although I would like to add a few things I don't think this is about ship there are some people who say "what nonsense arguing over ships" but some things go further when people are having behaviors questionable, the most decent thing would be to look at what is happening and if it is a behavior that needs to be addressed it should be done mainly if that behavior is affecting different people, we elriels are also human and many times it is painful to see what happens in this fandom, too I think people talk a lot about "my right" and forget the fact that others, if you make a violent post, don't expect people to respond with love and kindness, we all have the right to react and get angry or sad, but as little as possible. as adults is to keep ourselves as decent people and look for solutions. Thanks again for your question I really appreciate it and I hope that at some point this fandom will be what it was before and what it always should be a place to be a fan and have a good time with your friends and people who enjoy the same things as you ❤️

[lunainfortuna]

I was just ruminating a bit on the idea some readers have that Azriel is Elain’s true mate because of him being shot with fae bane at the time Elain came out of the Cauldron so it had to choose Lucien. Idk why it took me this long to realize but wouldn’t that mean then that the Cauldron chose whoever is in the vicinity as if like the Cauldron was like oh this guy will be her mate— oh wait where’d he go? Let me just yeet this bond over to this one guy standing over here then. Like? And then also didn’t Cassian kind of have an idea of Nesta being his mate way before she was dunked into the Cauldron? Im bringing up Nessian bond as a comparison because both girls were Made the same way. It would be nice to think that the Cauldron chose Cassian for Nesta much in the Elriel ‘true mates’ concept where it just sort of chunked Cassian at Nesta because he just happened to be close by when she was Made but no that’s definitely not how it went down for Nessian (I mean unfortunately because I think that man is just awful for her) so— how?? The concept doesn’t make sense or am I missing something. Not even mentioning that Azriel was completely and wholeheartedly not giving a damn for Elain in this moment. It’s ironic they bash Gwynriel because his lack of ‘concern’ during the Blood rite but like Azriel seemed to give little care for Elain’s safety quite literally for the entire series except for when he volunteered to rescue her when she’s kidnapped keeping in mind that by now Elain has been 1. kidnapped by Hybern, dunked into the Cauldron, has extreme depression, literally got savagely broken up with in front of him, continues to be left alone almost the entirety of the war events etc just not very true mates behavior imo

It makes noooo sense. I mean it. The Caldron is not confirmed as the entity that decides the mating bond. And Lucien reacted to Elain even before she was thrown into it.

And like you said. YES. Azriel does not act like a mate. I talk about this here:

Elriel aren't mates. The end.

(completely agree with the nessian part).

[legendl0re]

Get ready, this is a doozy:

• Have Feyre actually communicate with the likes of Tarquin and Tamlin during MAF and WAR to form actual alliances and break the NC’s penchant for distrust. Would have loved to have seen Tamlin and Feyre use his alliance to break down Hybern from the inside and show some actual genuine communication.

• Have the Ouroboros curse actually have lasting consequences, such as a slow encroaching madness or hallucinations or something else that Feyre has to deal with for the rest of her life.

• Have Nesta actually got on a healing journey instead of bat boy boot camp. Actually just rewrite ACOSF altogether xD

• Remove the pregnancy plot, it was utterly unneeded.

• Have Rhys lose his powers from having died and have to learn how to wield all the powers of the high lords like Feyre did.

• Maybe do away with the Nessian and Elriel romances entirely and just make ACOTAR a Why Choose with Feyre and all three bat boys. I like their dynamic with her more than the current ships especially in MAF and early WAR.

• Give the King of Hybern a GODDAMN NAME! And also show the nuances about Hybern’s culture and people instead of just making them all evil with thinly veiled Hiberniphobia and anti Irish sentiment.

• Make two of the fey that Feyre kills under the mountain people she knew from the SC, like Alis. It would have had a stronger impact as a traumatizing event for her.

• Do away with Calanmai, it’s a gross rapey feeling festival that had no purpose beyond artificial sexual tension.

• Have Tamlin and Amarantha be Mates: explains her obsession with him that literally makes her conquest of Prythian go on pause, and also why Tamlin has a sudden character change (even though I despise it), because killing your Mate would be seen as an affront to the Cauldron and the Mother and break something in the person.

• Have Cassian have lost his wings at the end of MAF so he can deal with that struggle of disability and leading a group of winged people without wings of his own.

• Have Amren stay dead, she literally has no further reason to be here.

• Show more trauma reactions from Feyre towards Rhys and her experiences UTM that aren’t solely blamed on Tamlin, like her flinching at his touch from the dancing/paint, refusing alcohol due to her sickness.

• Change Feyre to only have a little bit of power from the high lords, instead of the ridiculous shit she does in the books with little training. She only has a kernel of their power, not a massive amount.

• Give me Gay Mates. It’s overdue.

• Focus on the fallout if Rhys imposing Jim Crow laws in Velaris against the Court of nightmares. Show how the CoN and the Illyrians are not all completely backwards or evil, because I highly doubt every single person in those cultures is evil. Give me a Night Court civil war NOW.

• Have Feyre and Rhys just have less sex. It’s unneeded especially in tents next to dying soldiers fighting for their way of life.

I’m sure I have more…

If you could change anything in Acotar, what would it be? You can add an explanation if you like! Comment or reblog.

For me, it would be

Tamlin and Feyre do part ways but they talk things through beforehand and end on good terms.

Rhysand giving Feyre a REAL apology for what he did to her under the mountain. Or that he doesn't do it at all.

Have Cassian stand up for Nesta more.

Make Mor an actual girl's girl and have her protect the women and children in Hewn city.

Have someone actually care for and fight for Illyria and the women, put an end to the wing clipping FOR GOOD. The Valkyries will be in charge with Emerie as the leader.

[casuallivi]

Azriel Week 2022. Day 2. Tragic Backstory

A Mother’s Love

Words: 1683

I was writing a HC, 200 words, 300.. them i got this, lol! Enjoy :D

Nyx uncontrollable angry crying got even louder once Azriel entered his bedroom.

"Save me!" Feyre pleaded with dark circles. “He’s been like this for an hour. I’ve bathe him, fed him, changed his dipper,” she waved the dirty dipper in his face before discharging in the laundry hamper. “Twice! I’m out of ideas.”

The High Lady buttoned Nyx’ green jumper and passed the baby to Azriel, who kept the screaming goblin at an arm’s length.

“Actually, I came for his father.”

He tried to pass the baby back to Feyre, who dived under his arm. “Rhys went to fetch Mor, and if I don’t go to the bathroom right now, I’ll explode! Hold him for me.”

She ran from the room, leaving Azriel and Nyx alone. The baby took one look at him, trembled his lips and cried harder. The shadows fretted around him, searching for the cause of his distress, not understanding what he needed to calm down. Azriel knew exactly what he needed. He marched to the light switch, turning the faelights down, the room being brighten only by the gentle hue of purple starts glowing in the ceiling. He cleared his throat.

"My mother liked to sing." The illyrian words came out raspy, the letters needing a harsher enunciation than the common tongue. "Every time she visited, she would sing to me."

Azriel placed his nephew chest to chest, holding him closer, tighter, giving all the warmth a child should receive. All the warmth he was never allowed to have. Swallowing the lump in throat, Azriel starting to hum the ancient lullaby, Nyx stopping his loud crying slowly, blue eyes sparkling with unshed tears, glued to Azriel’s lips. His chubby little hand touching his face as if he would be able to capture the words, ripping a smile from his uncle –a rare feature to accomplish, only achieved with ease by two members of this family.

Baby of mine, don’t be afraid Mommy is with you, everyday The dark will never, keep us apart When you close your eyes, that’s where I’ll be Holding your hand, guarding your sleep Baby of mine, don’t be afraid Mommy is with you, everyday They don’t know how precious you are But mommy knows, you are her shining star.

Azriel hadn’t heard that song in centuries, yet the melody came to him easily, the rude Illyrian language transformed into soft, soothing sentences. The heart of a mother trying to reach her stolen son. The song always took him back to his childhood day, unfortunately for him, the warm memories of his mom weren’t the only thing that resurface, the ugly side of his youth was there too.

Azriel spent the first years of his childhood locked in dark cell, his existence being nothing more than a punchbag for twisted family. The only person who ever loved him was his mother, a woman who Azriel was barely allowed to see save for an hourly visit once a week. With time, even this small happiness was taken away from him when his father’s children decided it would be fun to play with fae quick healing by burn his hands. From that day on, his stepmother forbade his mother from visiting, an vain attempt to hide the damage from his father.

Azriel was locked away in a worse cell. He had company on the first day, provided by a torch burning on the stone wall, placed way to far to give him a proper view of the other cell. All empty, save for his. When the light went all, Azriel was left completely alone for Cauldron knows how long, the deafening silence being broken only by his shallow breaths. He endured the pain, endured the suffering, endured the silence. He was his mother’s brave boy, after all. But one day. One day the pain of loneliness was to much for the poor malnourished boy.

That day Azriel sang.

The same song his mother always sang to him, the words barely making past his chapped lips, way too dehydrated to cry properly. That’s when they came to him. The shadows. His ugliest sin and prettiest salvation. His dark undying companions, nuzzling against his tired limbs, mending his threadbare smelly clothes, slipping under him to keep him away from the cold floor, draping over him as a blanket, the weight mimic the hug he could no longer receive. Once they started whispering inside his mind, Azriel thought he had finally gone crazy, closing his eyes and drifting into a restless sleep. Maybe death would pity him and take him that night, end his miserable life.

Except the only thing that ended that night was his status as a forgotten child. Azriel woke up with a start, alone, his brothers’ evil laughter and snarls traveling down the basement, metal bats rasping against the bars of his cells. They opened the cell to torment him, as they always did, grabbing Azriel by his collar, hurting his sickly wings, kicking and punching him. Except this time the beating was interrupted brutally. A swarm of shadows melted from the walls, the ceiling, the floor, attacking his brothers, their screams waking the house upstairs, bringing a mass of new faces into view. As Azriel cowered on the farthest corner of his cell, terrified the shadows would punish him too, the males goaded around him.

“A shadowsinger!”

“Cauldron boil me!”

“Congratulations, warlord!”

“By the cauldron, look at him!”

“A shadowsinger, my lord!”

“Everyone will fear your camp!”

The poor kid lifted his eyes, catching sight of his stepmother. She was lived with anger as he had never seen, kneeling with her injured sons in the circle of her arms. His father, on the other hand, had an expression other than disdain in his face for the first time since Azriel had known him. Later he would come to realize the expression in his father’s eyes was not pride, but jealousy. Inspite of Azriel being his son, his father’s camp allowed no bastards, only pure blood Illyrians. He prohibited Azriel from training in his camp, sending him to the cruelest Illyrian camp known by their kind, Camp Hellblaze. That’s when Rhysand’s mother’s found him, interceded for him, brought him to the same camp as her child, allowed Azriel in her home as if he was her own, treated him with the same kindness and rules she applied to the others, taught him what a real family looked like.

Nyx watched his uncle with fascination until his eyes began to lose focus, his soft eyelids struggling to keep open, his fist tightly curled on Azriel’s shirt. The shadowsinger repeated the lyrics again, humming long after the lullaby was finished. The vibrations of the music combined with a succession of tender smacks in Nyx bum were enough to get him asleep. Still, Azriel cradled him for a little longer, the baby’s smell comforting his dark heart, keeping his mind away from the dark memories of his past.

“I can’t believe he slept.” He turned at the sound of Feyre’s incredulous voice, her eyes shinning with relief. "What kind of magic is that? I was humming just like you taught me, yet he wouldn't settle for nothing."

She approached the illiryans, peering around Azriel’s arm to catch a glimpse of Nyx peacefully in his arms. “Little traitor,” she hissed at her son. Azriel loosed the tiny fist, and put the baby on his cradle. Soon as he was done with Nyx, Feyre replaced him, grabbing his arms dramatically.

"Unbelievable. Az, they don't treat you right in the house of wind, do they? I bet they don't know how to appreciate you. You should come live with me. I’ll appreciate you!"

"Don't let Rhys hear that."

"So what if he hears? I'm being serious right now. You don’t even have to stay in your assigned room, you can choose whichever free room you like… Scratch that, I can make you an even bigger room! Just say the word and I'll treat you really well, promise!"

Azriel extracted himself from his cling High Lady, the maniac expression on her face revealing how little she had slept in the last couple of days.

"You look tired."

Feyre let out a long breath, disappointed with his lack of interest in her proposition.

"Nyx is teething. Being a mom is hard! I have no time anymore. I knew Elain was my angel, but I didn’t know how much she really did until she was gone. Nyx misses her too, she said she would come see him today. I wonder if she ran into L–" she stopped talking suddenly, her eyes growing distant as they went when she was using her daemanti powers. “Rhys is almost home.”

Azriel bobbed his head,

“Then I’ll wait in the office.”

“…Okay,” Feyre clamped her lips, but didn’t comment on him using the opportunity to escape from her. She couldn’t blame him, Azriel wasn’t a talker, he had probably used all his words for the day. She waved at him. “Thank you, Az. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Feyre.”

When Azriel exited the room, his eyes went wild at the sight of Elain standing beside the doorway. Her head reclined against the wall, her eyes closed, her body perfectly still, half-hidden within the shadows casted by the big armoire in the hallway.

“Feyre keeps trying to figure how you calm Nyx down, but I know your secret.” She opened her eyes. Big brown eyes shining so bright his heart skipped inside his chest, a gentle smile dancing on her lips, “your voice is very beautiful.”

“He must like the sound of your voice,” she pushed away from the wall, “and your lullabies.” Without sparing him a second glance, Elain circled Azriel and went into the baby’s room, Feyre happy hushes finding his ears even thought he couldn’t discern a word of what she was saying, probably greeting her sister.

In the end, Azriel stood frozen in the hallway longer than it was acceptable, blinking his senses back to life before his brother returned to find him standing there like an idiot.

[acourtofthought]

I’ve always been so sure of Elucien, they just make sense in my head, but this new interview got in my head. Do u think it is probable that after changing the Nesta+Lucien idea, Sarah changed the Elain+Lucien too?

Cause I feel like in ACOWAR she definitely intended to put them together, there WAS a buildup and tension between them, but after that book? Nothing. And now she says:

It’s like holding two dolls and being like, now kiss! And they won’t. … And then sometimes a different character will walk in and they will just… It feels like magic in a way where, as much as I tried to plot out things years in advance, I let my characters guide a story”

And

That’s something I find to be very interesting,” she replies. “What if the forces that be put you with the wrong person? Or what if you just decide, eh, I’m not interested. … There’s a lot to explore within the concept of mates and your agency about it.

And I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little bit sad and worried cause I don’t feel I can get on board with the Elriel romance if she goes in that direction :(

I don't think she changed the idea of Elain and Lucien because all SJM has done since she's mated them is build up their compatibility to an undeniable degree, kept Lucien loyal and respectful to Elain, and continue hammering home the idea that as much as Elain is trying to fit in with the Night Court, she doesn't quite fit in like her sisters.

I also don't think SJM has a habit of changing a characters love interest that often.

Yes, she thought Dorian and Aelin would originally end up together.

She thought Nesta and Lucien would originally end up together.

But I've never heard her say, "I thought she'd be with him until I realized she'd be with that other guy until I realized, no, it's actually Bachelor #3!!!"

So far as I can tell, it's usually her having a fuzzy idea about one pairing only to have them fall apart for their endgame and that's the one that sticks.

She felt confident enough in Elain and Lucien that she spoke of them vacationing together and it was only after she was signed on for the spin-offs that she suddenly went quiet about their mating bond. It doesn't mean she changed her mind, only that she knew she was now going to need to create a story where they remained at odds until it was time for their book and a way to keep the readers guessing.

"It's like holding two dolls and being like, now kiss! And they won't".

That actually makes me cackle because all I can see her the almost kiss with Elain and Az.

Elain and Lucien have not come within touching distance for a while and I think that's because SJM knows their dolls aren't leaving with their clothes on once they do.

And yes, SJM is valid in talking about mating bonds and agency because we've all seen it and I'm sure she's aware, there are a lot of critics of the trope who feel that it does take away agency.

I have read books where the second the FJM meets her mate, she's done for, there's no turning back and he's the one for her.

I think SJM likes to flip that on it's head a bit and has the character say, "but is this what I want?"

All she's doing is proving that even with mating bonds there is agency but the only way she can demonstrate that is to have the characters experiment outside their bonds to be sure.

And while those are the questions she asks herself, she even tells us that she may not explore a rejected bond. When bonds equal the pinnacle of happiness for her characters, why would she take away from them so they end up with something less than?

Then only way a rejected bond seems like it would be for the best is if a character ended up with a bond with the opposite sex she the preferred their own.

[katsum50]

Warning- another rambling, self indulgent post.

So, I’ve been around a while and been a part of shipping in many different fandoms, and I’ve always been like ship what characters you want and be happy. We don’t all have to agree or convince each other.

I say this because I’m about to give my humble opinion on a few acotar ships, and if you are a g*ynriel who happens to come across this, go on and be happy with your ship. Write your fanfics, draw your art. I’m glad you’ve found a bit of joy and distraction from this crazy world.

Also I am open to all kinds of fun pairings. I mean I am writing an Elain x Rhys fanfic, and I desperately want to find time to write an Aida’s x Elain little fic in my mind. I like Gwyn and Tarquin though I have no reason to, and after reading Every Rose, Gwyn x Eris has made me raise my eyebrow. Elain/Mor, Gwyn/emerie, etc… there are all kinds of ships I could enjoy, but I like reading comprehension and good stories the best so….

Gw*nriwel

This is the one ship I just cannot do. I don’t know if it’s the power dynamic between the two, or the fact she is described like an adolescent in the book (coltish and young) but the thought of her and Az is just not my thing. I like the character fine, though she is written a little suspicious.

If this happens, I can’t see it being some grand love story that spans a book. I think it would have to be in the background like Amren/Varian or a hint of it happening in the future. I could be wrong. This will never be my thing, and I have no interest in reading a story about them. I’m not going to cry or rage. I’ll just move on.

El*cien

Honestly, I could see SJM making me like this fine. I like both characters, and I’m sure she could do some sort of forced proximity/ arranged marriage thing or something. But it would have to be an Elain/ Lucien POV book which means we wouldn’t get Azriel’s story. (It just feels like a book only about him would be out of place in this series)

If this happens, I’m open to it. It will never be my favorite but eh, I could see it being entertaining.

Vassien

Yes! Please! I don’t know why, but I really want this. I want to learn more about Vassa and there is something about Lucien finding his place and falling in love with a human. I mean I know he will probably end up in Day, but being chosen is what he needs.

Elriel

I went into acotar cold, completely unspoiled for the most part. I took it very much as it is read, and I just accepted Elain/Azriel were a thing. Then I started seeing the TikTok’s, reading the tweets, coming here, and I was like WTH.

I read the bonus chapter and what I got out of it was that Az and Elain want each other bad, snd Gwyn has some sus powers. That’s it.

When it comes down to it, some of the most beautiful writing/imagery in the book has to do with Elain/Az. And can we please have a friends to lovers, chosen, somewhat healthy relationship? Can we have a spy novel and learn more about the twins? I mean if they end up being mates, fine, but I want them to choose each other before knowing it.

There is just so much to do with them that would make a good story. Rhys telling Azriel to stay away, Elain’s powers, and her hints of being a spy, her being able to wield truth teller and killing the king by stepping out of a dang shadow, the court politics (you can’t tell me Beron wouldn’t want to find a way to get to Elain’s powers by declaring she is his son’s mate and belongs in Autumn) There is just to much more..

And honestly if this doesn’t happen in some form, none of their interactions, or that blasted bonus chapter will make sense. If it’s not at least addressed there will be so much left hanging that it will be ridiculous.

Also three “brothers” three sisters is not overdone, and it goes with the theme. It’s hinted so much not only in acotar but in CC2 as well, SJM might as well just came out and said it. The three most powerful Illyrians ever found each other and stumbled upon three Made sisters. Three stars, three mountains and this:

Two intersecting triangles. Male and female, dark and light, above and below … and the power that lies in the place where they meet.”

I mean come on…

But seriously ship who you want (well maybe not Elain/tamlin, please) but be kind.

[fieldofdaisiies]

1) What’s your favourite SJM book?

ACOSF and Tower of Dawn.

2) Which is your favourite series (tog, acotar or cc)

hm, I think I would go with tog

3) Who is your favourite character? (And why?)

I love Yrene and Elain, but Lucien owns my whole heart

4) Do you have a favourite quote from one of the books?

“Gwyn whispered, "I am the rock against which the surf crashes." Nesta straightened at the words, as if they were a prayer and a summons. Gwyn lifted the blade. "Nothing can break me."

Gwyn is btw also one of my favourites!!!

5) Favourite ship?

Elucien, Azris, Nessian and Chaol and Yrene

6) Elriel or Gwynriel? Or neither?

neither because Azris lol; but Gwynriel if I have to choose

7) Who’s the most underrated SJM character?

Cresseida

8) Which character do you wish to learn more about?

Eris

9) Are there any characters you don’t like?

Ianthe!!!!!

10) Favourite bat boy?

Azriel (but Cassian is soooooo close to the top)

11) Favourite court?/ Which one would you most like to live in?

Autumn, always autumn.

12) Favourite SJM villain?

Erawan.

13) If you could change one thing in any of the books what would it be?

Feysand having sex in the warm camps (as @moonlightazriel said) and the whole pregnancy thing and that the Valkyries winning the Blood Rite was not at important at the end of ACOSF

14) Favourite SJM theory?

that Rhys and Tamlin used to be in love in their teens

15) Favourite Archeron sister?

Elain

16) A character you feel is over-hated/ underrated:

under-rated Cassian and Hunt, overrated Rhys

17) Aelin, Bryce, or Feyre?

Bryce

18) What’s your favourite character from each series?

Yrene, Lucien, Hunt

19) If you wrote an acotar book what would you call it?

A Court of ... and then the post ACOSF titles I used for my fics lol

20) Who is your favourite acotar blogger?

my mutuals!! I am too scared to say names because I might forget someone, but the people know it (because I love them and let them know I love them heheh)

21) What fics would you recommend to people who love the series?

okay I have a few and thank you soooooo much @moonlightazriel

Dance Macabre by @areyoudreaminof

What hath night to do with sleep by @iftheshoef1tz

Son of the Darkness by @moonlightazriel

Skam: Prythian by @born-to-riot (and basically all her azris fics and the poly week fic with Nesta, Varian and Amren!!!)

a soft place to land by @queercontrarian

Kerosene by @chunkypossum

Blood in the Wine by @secret-third-thing (I am a little obsessed with this fic as you may have noticed)

by @zenkindoflove

Take these broken wings by @acourtofladydeath

decode the case by @witch-and-her-witcher

probably every nessian fic by @moodymelanist (because again, I am obsessed)

Questions for writers

22) Easiest character to write for?

Azriel and Eris

23) Hardest character to write for?

Rhysand (I gave up)

24) What’s a character you’d like to write for but haven’t yet?

I want to write more for Nessian (I have already written for them, but I don't really know anyone else); maybe Tarquin

25) What’s a court you’d like to write about more?

Autumn!! always autumn lol

26) What’s a character you won’t write for and why?

Amren or Mor

27) If you could only write for one character ever again, who would you pick?

Eris

28) Whats your favourite trope to write about when it comes to Azriel?

Angst, always angst

29) What do you think is the best/favourite acotar fic you’ve written?

one shot it would be: Just a little bit of your heart (Azriel x R)

long story: A Court of Fate and Healing (Gwyn x Balthazar)

30) Who are your favourite friendships to write about?

Cassian and Azriel

31) For first time readers to your blog, which three fics would you recommend they read?

A Little Bit of Your Heart (Azriel x Reader)

Trapped (Azris)

I Like You (Elucien)

tagging: @born-to-riot @queercontrarian @dawneternal @chunkypossum @areyoudreaminof @acourtofladydeath

SJM Ask Game

Thank you for the tag @daydreaming-nerd !! 💙💙 (I do want to hear those redacted answers for where you put tharion lol) I feel like it's been so long since I've been on tumblr or even done one of these but I'm excited💙

1) What’s your favourite SJM book?

Hmmmm I'm gonna say ACOMAF because that's when I was first introduced to Azzy and the obsession began 💙😈

2) Which is your favourite series (tog, acotar or cc)

If you don't know me, CC is one of the worst books I've ever read. It's hard to choose between ACOTAR and TOG tho because they were both really good....

3) Who is your favourite character? (And why?)

Hehehehehehehehe. Az obviously 🥰

4) Do you have a favourite quote from one of the books?

Hmmmm...tbh not really...the ones that stay stuck in my head are the cringey ones...BUT, let's go with "Cassian shot him a glare. 'I don't see you spouting poetry, brother.' Azriel crossed his arms, still smiling faintly, 'I don't need to resort to it.'" THAT'S GODDAMN RIGHT BBY YOU DONT 💙💙 legs spread for mah boi

5) Favourite ship?

Azris frfr

6) Elriel or Gwynriel? Or neither?

Azris frfr

7) Who’s the most underrated SJM character?

Oooof there's so many. Fenrys. I've never gotten enough of him.

8) Which character do you wish to learn more about?

Azris frfr. I want both of their backstories rn

9) Are there any characters you don’t like?

Bryce Quinlan and Danika Fendyr

10) Favourite bat boy?

My king azriel 💙💙

11) Favourite court?/ Which one would you most like to live in?

Honestly I'd probably either live in Autumn or Night tbh.

12) Favourite SJM villain?

Does Tamlin count? lol.

13) If you could change one thing in any of the books what would it be?

That CC never happened

14) Favourite SJM theory?

Azris frfr

15) Favourite Archeron sister?

Prob Ness

16) A character you feel is over-hated/ underrated:

over-rated: bryce quinlan

under-rated: chaol 💙

17) Aelin, Bryce, or Feyre?

Aelin!!

18) What’s your favourite character from each series?

Fenrys, Azriel, Ruhn

19) If you wrote an acotar book what would you call it?

A Court of Smoke and Cinders? (azris frfr)

20) Who is your favourite acotar blogger?

nah there's literally too many to choose from

21)What fics would you recommend to people who love the series?

The Serpent and the Wings of Night

Questions for writers

22) Easiest character to write for?

Azzy because i built him brick by brick

23) Hardest character to write for?

LUCIEN. IDK WHY

24) What’s a character you’d like to write for but haven’t yet?

lol who haven't i written for? hmmmm...maybe fenrys, aedion, or hunt?

25) What’s a court you’d like to write about more?

Dawn!

26) What’s a character you won’t write for and why?

hmmm...idk I'd like to say that I'd try anything once...

27) If you could only write for one character ever again, who would you pick?

azzy. nobody compares to him

28) Whats your favourite trope to write about when it comes to Azriel?

right now i think modern aus...in any sort. or anything that involves angst i love putting everyone thru some shit

29) What do you think is the best/favourite acotar fic you’ve written?

hmmmm...i feel like this is impossible to choose

30) Who are your favourite friendships to write about?

eris x anyone because this man needs a friend

31) For first time readers to your blog, which three fics would you recommend they read?

LMAO ummm...I'll list at least one for. every character

Az: Cupid's Chokehold or Midnight Muse

Cass: In Storm or Dial Drunk or Better Men Have Hit Their Knees and Bigger Men Have Died

Eris: You Know I Always Liked Playing with Fire or Hide

Rhys: Clandestine Love or Dioxazine

Lucien: The Other Woman or My Happy Ending

or literally any poly can't go wrong with those tbh

No pressure tags: @writingsbychlo @acourtofwhatthefuck @i-am-a-lost-girl16 @azrielhours @a-frog-with-a-laptop or anyone else who wants to participate!

[duskcowboy]

My issue with fanon Gwyn and the “Quirky Girl” archetype:

[This is a label I am not applying to her myself; it is what I believe the Gw*riel fandom has dreamed up Gwyn to be themselves. Buckle in for a long post and let me know if you agree!]

I came to this realization after coming across a few “false acotar quotes” and headcanon-type scenarios on here, and I couldn’t put a finger on why they bothered me so much until I realized that it was because the posts were projecting Gwyn as the “Quirky Girl” archetype who’s “adorably awkward,” “eccentric,” and “imperfectly refreshing”.

This article by The Afictionado, called Perils of the “Quirky Girl”, thoroughly explains this issue.

Here are a few highlights from the article:

“A problem with the Quirky Girl archetype is that she is often written as a way of making a character approachable and likeable to the female audience, reassuring them that it’s okay to like non-mainstream things and be a bit eccentric and dress the way you want, and to ~be yourself~. In fact, doing all the things that would usually make you deemed weird will make you seem cute, and some boy out there is just dying for you to come along and liven up his life with your adorable weirdness!”

(Can we just take a minute and see how on-spot that last point is? How it sounds familiar?)

“Not only does the creation of these Quirky Girls create a new stereotype that is irritating and a bit offensive in its own right, but it somewhat spoils the “be weird, be yourself” message by only showing a certain set of standards as being acceptable and labelling them as “quirky” to get away with it. Plus, it creates problems for people at the other end of the scale by pushing the notion that people who do fit society’s ideal are all evil monstrous monstrosities.”

(Is the author of this article an Elriel stan? Because they’re literally pointing out exactly why fanon Gwyn rubs me the wrong way. That last line literally encompasses the misogynistic hate towards Elain for being a societal standard “feminine,” “soft” girl.)

Of the three types of “Quirky Girl” types the author lists, I believe fanon Gwyn falls under “Hollywood Standard Flawed”:

“So they make her socially awkward, a bookish loner, a klutz, bubble-brained and/or fond of spouting ridiculous things that make no sense. This makes her awkward and thus relatable to awkward girls… but only in ways that will call on the laugh track.”

(Cue the #false acotar quotes that have Gwyn asking if people “eat the shell of the banana” or if they think she’ll “fit inside a washing machine”)

To conclude:

“The trouble with going out of your way to create a character that is “quirky” is that in the effort to make the character bizarre they create a whole new stereotype that has enormous negative connotations of its own.”

(The article focuses more on Hollywood movies and television who utilize this archetype, but the same notion can be applied here)

Don’t get me wrong, like any other entertainment stereotype, archetype, or trope— there are fans of them, and there are those who cannot stand them. When it comes to the “Quirky Girl”, I definitely fall amongst the latter. That is why I have grown to dislike a lot of the online content pertaining to Gwyn.

Canon Gwen is intelligent, resilient, strong; she’s a trustworthy and dependable, loyal friend. She’s not someone who would call Az “her little meow meow” (I honestly don’t understand how others don’t find this cringe-y)

This fandom is truly doing her a disservice when they project this disingenuous character trait on her. I think she’d actually be offended if she were real. Not only is the “Quirky Girl” trope unenjoyable to me, it is also extremely reductive.

“When someone is painted with the quirky brush, it imbues their work with a set of preconceived notions — it is odd, zany, cutesy, weird, personal and light. It is not intellectual, meaningful or serious.” - The Problem With Quirky by Madelin Newman

It reminds me a lot of the “I’m not like other girls” phenomenon—

“The ‘I’m not like other girls’ cultural phenomenon is a reaction against typically feminine stereotypes — that is, makeup, fashion, fitness, and the like. Some girls who don’t fit said archetype attempt to separate themselves from the female population, hence the phrase ‘I’m not like other girls.’” - I’m not like other girls by Lauren Luna

“Modern feminism acknowledges that the ‘I’m not like other girls’ movement carries hints of internalized misogyny, when girls proudly claim that they ‘are not like other girls’, it suggests that this ‘other’ breed of girls is generally shallow and vapid with no other interests besides fashion, fitness, or beauty. - I’m not like other girls by Lauren Luna (link above)

In this case, it feels like Gw*nriel stans make an effort to distance Gwyn’s personality from Elain’s soft-spoken, reserved personality. Instead of it being mainstream interests like fashion & makeup, it’s Elain’s classic femininity—her hobbies like gardening and baking. They label Elain as “shallow”, “useless”, and “boring” for these traits. The sad thing is that I think Gwyn and Elain would really like each other. These misogynistic viewpoints to pit these two women apart or label one “better” or “more deserving” than the other really disgusts me. I hope when the next book is out, we can finally do away with this conversation.

Thank you so much for reading this far! I felt like I was writing a thesis by how passionate I am about this issue. We don’t need to pit women against each other based on personalities and interests. Women are valid no matter their hobbies, interests, or personality.