#a childhood dream that I can never have
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Kinda funny how the fact that I don't have a lot of favorites boiled down to the fact that I was crushed by Atem's story and vowed to not get attached to other characters.
In other words, this little fictional character broke my heart so hard that I can't move on. That's how much he made an impact to my fandom life even 2 decades later.
#yugioh#yami yugi#atem#prideshipping#kuro's musings#there are times when i invest in another fandom#and I always think 'those characters are great' and I wanna draw them#but never make me wanna think of a whole fanfic/idea nor attach to them#Atem ruined that for me#Kaiba and I have one thing in common#we were both heart broken by Atem#the difference is Kaiba had the resources to go after him#and Atem only exist on ink and paper for me#perhaps why I ship Prideshipping is because in some level I can self-insert myself in Kaiba#a childhood dream that I can never have#I'm happy that DSOD is the true epilogue and not the main series ending#so thank you Mr.Takahashi#for giving me what I wanted the most#a satisfied ending for Atem for Kaiba and for their story
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Loz fandom stop being angsty and give the daydreaming kids on big fun adventures with a cool glowing sword some actual whimsy and joy challenge
#It's like the happy media equals angsty fandom and vice versa but like. Video game series about the dreams and adventures of childhood with#A fandom full of angst and abandonment and depression and smut#It's why I don't really stay in the loz fandom long each time I circle back around#There's so much potential for good things and comfort and snuggly warmth and lightheartedness.#Like yeah messed up things happen in front of and to link but kids are resilient beasts and most importantly they fix it#He's literally wearing the Peter pan hat to invoke that sort of eternal wonder that's the DESIGN of the hat that's why it's so identifiable#Fanart captures it a lot. The gorgeous landscapes and quiet moments and dappled sunlight#But fics???? Oh lu fics are just full of miscommunication and resentment and sour interactions and pain and simmering anger#I prefer to read trusted authors because it's so wearing but the problem is you have to go out and find them lol#It's a very controversial belief of mine that every link enjoyed their adventure even if it was scary or sad and would not be averse to#Another. Oh the circumstances they might hate. But link has never been one to refuse the call#That's the POINT they stepped up when the adults couldn't it's their COURAGE that they'd be fastest to volunteer.#Unrelated but post game botk is adhd central you can do literally whatever you want and whatever pace and you just drift around getting#Distracted and teleporting all over and setting challenges and poking around every nook and cranny#Like botw I had over 300 koroks and 98% map completion. I maxed out hero's path twice over. Totk I've just been wandering around#Speed farming lynels like 17 different goals drifting from one to the other as I wish. Still missing the last 2 sage orbs NO idea where#There's like a million hinoxs now tf#loz#legend of zelda#lu#linked universe#ao3
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as much as I love the idea of baby corinthian with 3 pacifiers I regret to inform you that he popped out the morpheussy as a 30 something year old man. he had no childhood. he came out paying taxes.
#the art of little toddler cori holding Dreamās hand n stuff of that sort is so close to my heart regardless#i wonder if he ever gets sad about not having a childhood#vital part of the human experience number 5 million that he can never have#the sandman#the corinthian#dc comics#my posts
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Tag drop: Jingliu
#tag drop#jingliu. [ and so i wield my blade to the very end. until the āstarsā have been cut down from the sky. this oath: i will never forsake. ]#jingliu: ic. [ trapped in childhood nightmares; she tore off a spread of black silk from the edge of her skirt and covered her eyes. ]#jingliu: inquiries. [ ice waves as sharp as knives spreading like transient flowers in the air. freezing all and everyone they contact. ]#jingliu: countenance. [ when you live to be a thousand years. each day is carrying the weight of a mountain through an interminable maze. ]#jingliu: introspection. [ why do you wield a sword? / this is like asking a poet why they wrote poems. this is the only way for me. ]#jingliu: meta. [ this sword in my hand... naught but a needle compared with the heavenly bodies. how can i use it to cut open a star? ]#jingliu: little notes. [ this is the first time she understands āwanting to liveā. before now; she was simply someone ready to die. ]#jingliu: wishes. [ unsheathing this sword without merit is to blaspheme the divine will of the reignbow arbiter; and invite calamity. ]#jingliu: etc. [ to the xianzhou; i am but an abandoned pawn: a wandering swordmaster. ]#jingliu: the sword. [ if a day comes that the quivers run empty; and starskiffs crash who will protect you and i then; or the xianzhou? ]#jingliu: florephemeral sword. [ a sword: 3 feet; 7 inches in length. weighing nothing. and it glowed as if a sliver of moonlight. ]#jingliu: shattered sword. [ a sword: 5 feet in length. weighing 3000 catties. unyielding: mirroring the defiance; hubris of its creator. ]#jingliu: cangchang. [ when devoured; we had to face the truth that our lives were but a grain of sand in the river of time. ]#jingliu: hcq. [ their faces still linger before my eyes like a bygone dream. yet dream will eventually fade. like clouds from the sky. ]#jingliu: memories. [ given the choice between staring at the abyss with a troubled mind and marching blindly: i choose the latter. ]#jingliu: jing yuan. [ in an endless night; there is nothing closer than the bright moon. always hanging in the sky. ]#jingliu: imbibitor lunae. [ even after your rebirth. your techniques haven't changed. / when i move it's likeā¦ / ā¦ like you never forgot. ]#jingliu: baiheng. [ the things that we said and did together have all been shrouded in a layer of mist. a mist i cannot see through. ]#jingliu: yingxing. [ some are born with unparalleled foresight; intelligence; but make the ill-advised choices at destiny's crossroads. ]#jingliu: blade. [ that broken sword... you don't want to let go of the past. do you; blade? ]#jingliu: yanqing. [ that move was a token of my appreciation; young man. we were fated to meet this day and in days to come. ]#jingliu: v. youth. [ you can use this to vanquish those that took everything from us. ]#jingliu: v. sword champion. [ she knows it all. swords are a part of her body: the intake and release of her breath as she walks. ]#jingliu: v. traitor. [ and i will suffer my eternal punishment. that is the only way to keep the memory of the pain from fading away. ]
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Mel for the unhinged character bingo!
yessss YEEEESSSSSSSSS
#ask me#so Mel is in the unenviable position of being a very strong character whose rights I support and whose wrongs I also fully support#BUT the way she's treated broadly in the fandom is so pervasive and so consistent and so frustrating to me that#I am in full -must protect my blorbo- mode with her at all times#-Mel's story is over so the only thing left for her to do is die-#-if Mel dies then J can get together with V and they will appreciate her for her sacrifice bc she died a hero who rejected Ambessa-#enough! enough I say!#what about proving to ambessa that she can take the throne for herself? what about the angst of defying her mother and her home country#and opposing those in Piltover who DO want war and want to raze the undercity#what about the magic that she's heavily foreshadowed to have and how it's different from hextech#and how it directly opposes but also parallels what is happening to Viktor#what about her -friends- abroad and the plot Mel was cooking through all of season 1 that has not been revealed yet#there's so much potential for her to have to confront the fact that J was slowly becoming a monster through season 1#and that she can't ignore the undercity forever#also what if whoever Ambessa says killed her brother comes after Mel too!#it is very frustrating to see Mel get dismissed as dead or evil or irredeemable or whatever when she is consistently#the most interesting person in the room in every single scene she's in and the character who shows the most conviction and change#so yeah i will take a bullet for her she is my blorbo I will despise any character who hurts her#and I would cradle her in my arms if she gave me a chance - which she would never! - but a girl can dream#however I also enjoy leaning into the idea that Mel is perceived as being a devil from the outside - Mel leans into it too when it serves#but it's in direct opposition to her ironclad values and the personality that she keeps hidden a layer down#I genuinely think that Mel will have a happy ending - or at least as happy an ending that an Arcane character can get lol#like I fully believe she will take the throne (Piltover) in the end but I can only guess at this point what that will cost her#I love putting Mel in situations but mainly to play with both how creative she can get and also how fucking far she will go to win#which is ANOTHER thing we know is probably true about Mel but has not been put on display yet#also Mel has already done a great job at separating what she wants for herself as a person from just being Ambessa's daughter#but Mel still deserves to get plenty of great therapy for that situation because OH GOD THAT CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK#also Kino is dead? maybe dead?? at least Mel fully believes he's dead so she needs therapy and hugs for that too#I am super normal about her can you tell
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Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.
Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?
And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.
What do you think about it?
no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.
because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)
and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?
river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)
they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.
mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.
they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.
all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.
mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'
god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.
#like. to be clear also: i don't think the fact that amy didn't want kids and really didn't have a choice in giving birth to river#means that she wouldn't love river. i think it would make their relationship Complicated but i do think amy loves her. so much.#that's her daughter but it's also her best friend.#but like. god. to spend your whole childhood hoping you'll hear about some little glimmer of yourself.#a dream. a passing mention. a debate on baby names. anything. and to hear nothing.#and river is. like. she is really really bad at relationships right? we know this.#the person she's closest to is the doctor and she spends most of her life believing *he doesn't even love her*.#we're talking about someone whose base assumption about everyone is that they will try to hurt her at some point so she should always keep#one hand armed.#and her mother. didn't choose to have her. didn't have that choice. that has to fuck her up a little.#(and also serve as proof that river is. so so bad at knowing when she is loved. because maybe amy didn't choose to have her but she named#melody pond after mels her best friend. she has been choosing river every day for the past however many years since mels decided to come#here and be near her mom and dad even if only as kids. but river still can't see it.#and. given the nature of how the ponds disappear from her life. and we never get any closure about them and river.#you have to wonder if she ever did. river song do you know your mother loves you?#having the melody-as-river reveal be so close to the end of the season and then getting rid of amy & rory before they can actually do#anything with the three of them as a messed up little family unit is the show's biggest crime. because i don't know! i don't know if river#knew her parents loved her! i don't know if she *ever* came to terms with how she was born and how they didn't need to choose her then to#choose her now! i don't know if river ever really felt comfortable thinking of them as her parents rather than her friends?#according to the transcripts. river calls amy 'mother' twice. (and 'mummy' once jokingly.) she calls rory 'father' once. and 'dad' in angel#in manhattan. and it just. it drives insane right? it's almost weirdly formal. like the words aren't right but she knows she should say the#and. and. i don't think i'm ever going to get over river song.#i think that's the takeaway here.#ask#doctor who#river song#amy pond#rory williams
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I had a dream last night that there were like. new bna episodes, and I think thatās my way of handling the Other Stuff
#raii talks a lot#every day new things happen and Iām never ready for it. god. whatever itās FINE#<- guy with complicated thoughts#but no it was a really weird thing. I think there were like 4 new episodes maybe? but in my dream the show had 3 seasons already?#idk some were all set in like. the woods or mountains ??? there was a whale in one of them but not a whale beastman just a Whale#I think marie was a key character every episode you can really tell it was my dream#there was one where she and shirou went on a road trip?? But an important road trip. and they were in the mountains (?) and thereās a whale#and there was a detail that michiru could like. have any material and turn it into another material. which is very mk I think#my sick and twisted worldā¦ā¦ bna s4 four whole episodes of mountain. I do remember being very smug in the dream so it mustāve been good#ALSO I remember that I was right about Marieās childhood/early life in anima. something something reluctant feelings roadtrip talk <- crazy
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Some Sora practices!! I am so happy with these, its the first time I've ever drawn him
#kingdom hearts#kh sora#sora#winterlilyarts#kh2 sora#made a childhood dream come true#i never thought id be able to draw him#me and spikey hair do not have a good relationship#so i lost it#anyways next up is riku#i need to learn how to draw him#so i can draw them being gay#i watched the 6 hour riku is gay video and it changed my brain chemistry
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I want to play minecraft <- instead has played 5 hours of the sims 4 and has something important to do tomorrow
#>:[#waddahell im too busy playing the sims 4 so i cant play minecraft whatttt#where my free time <- spent it all playing sims 4#to be fair i am also trying to get a job. so.#no ive hit a sims 4 hyperfixATION and this is my life for the next like. month#ive never gotten this far into the game before#i only have 2 households i have a gen household which has expanded a LOT#and one where i made the minecraft default skins#except there wasnt enough room for Noor and i cant get the expand families thing to work#so theyre on their own next door lmao#but the game keeps messing them up its ANNOYING#anyway i didnt make that house to play with i just made it to be friends with my main house#i accidentally aged up my child into a teenager so now im going to adopt a new one so i can play through childhood#um but i realised that my hyperfixation on sims 4 comes from the same place and my fixation on cities skylines#- dream fuffilment - creative control and outlet - puzzle mindset -#- stories -#which means that ive got about a month left of this fixation because the games are quite similar#last time i stopped playing cities skylines was bc i hit a slight wall and got frustrated at the game for being so paywalled behind expansio#n packs#boy i wonder whats gonna happen to me#am I:#A. going to continue playing this game sustainably and indefinatly forever without my love for it wavering#or B. hyperfixate on something else next week
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Dyeing the tips of my hair purple so they match my icon
#me looking at this art like ''rip i'll never have so much rizz'' and then remembering that hey. i can.#anyway. the fulfilment of childhood dreams phase of my 20s is over. now it's time to fulfill my teenage dreams
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I'm tired of dreaming about my dad. I know it's part of processing, but I am just so tired.
#speculation nation#negative/#sometimes theyre nice dreams where i have him back. except i still wake up sad.#sometimes theyre dreams where im trying to prevent what i know is going to come. but without fail i wake up. and he's already dead.#and then there are dreams like the one i just woke up from. where i know he's dead and im feeling the full force of grief once again#bawling and bawling in-dream. with enough force that it wakes me up.#and of course. i wake up sad from these too.#it makes me think about that passage i wrote for ITNL. well over a year ago. before the Year Of Death even began.#where i wrote about vash dreaming of wolfwood. with a similar sort of vibe to this.#i wrote that inspired by the death of my grandma. who i was close with and greatly troubled by her death.#even that had nothing on my dad though. no loss has ever felt this severe before.#it's been 5 months and sometimes i feel okay. but then i feel the ache deep in my chest again#and i know im never going to be fully free from this pain.#i want to go back to the person i was before i lost my dad. to before i lost my uncle.#i want to go back to early may of last year. where life seemed hopeful and i was minimally touched by death.#only 2 deaths from people close to me. 3 deaths if you count my childhood cat.#now im up to 5 deaths of people who were close to me. and 7 if you count my sweet baby boys.#can you believe that? 4 deaths ive grieved in the past year (and a bit). 2 more deaths of ppl i knew but wasnt close to.#and 2 of them were so genuinely life-altering that they changed me as a person. my uncle and then my dad.#i still dont know who i am now. i feel so lost. i look out at the piles of boxes of my dad's stuff and i feel so overwhelmed.#im supposed to go through them. i havent touched them in months. i dont know how to even begin.#and so i try my best to keep up with my cleaning and my schoolwork. it's about all that i can manage
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btw i do think its extremely annoying how dissosiation is like used to just describe spacing out by the same people who go Im So OCD xD when like they say they clean their house on the reg or whatever. can you people explode
#like yeah ā spacing outā is a part of it but even then its not really comparable to like day dreamingā¦#people just straight up dont get what it actually isā¦#like me and my therapist have been talking about some symptoms and experiences i have that literally resemble psychosis like dissosiation is#such a widely varying disorder and the symptoms one can have from it can be genuinely terrifying and severe#not to mention that its something that people develop as a result of severe (usually childhood and relating to violence or abuse) trauma#and yet its like never talked about or the possible ways ir can manifest arent ever brought up and people just treat it as ADD 2.0 š„“ ok
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Nice songs! I like the way you think! I wish Kaku can rejoin Galley-La in the future, provided he apologizes, and Galley-La forgives him, of course. Who realizes that Franky and Lucci are going to be in-laws first? I just realized that I sent the Alice in Chains songs twice, so you get six songs this time! "Pictures of You" by The Cure, "One Thing" by Finger Eleven, "Skinny Love" by Bon Iver, "Whirring" by The Joy Formidable, "Tongue Tied" by Grouplove, and "Little Talks" by Of Monsters and Men.
oh kaku is absolutely joining galley-la. they try to make him stay after enies lobby and he's like "no let's go be proper government traitors and give everything we know to the revs and then i'll consider it" this argument ends with the other six deciding that they'll do that and then promptly dump kaku on the next ship to water 7 regardless of whether or not he agrees. if necessary, they are not above tying him up to get him there. if that doesn't work, they could always ask kuma.
(kaku absolutely wants to go back but he also, y'know, doesn't want to just ditch the rest of them. meanwhile, the rest of them are like "oh my god please just ditch us and go. live ur childhood dream. pls. at least one of us gets to.")
honestly, the first one to realize the in-laws is probably one of cp9. or nami. actually no wait it's probably nami. she catches onto the whole franky/robin thing quick and then just kind of has a moment where she just mentally points between them and starts laughing her ass off because oh god. it's funny on so many levels, at least partially because the former government assassin is going to be in-laws with the head of water seven's big gang.
songs!! a: i love "pictures of you" it's so good. (the emo kid loves the cure, who's surprised) also oh god "tongue tied" i haven't heard that song since glee. (it is a good song though)
"toxic" by britney spears (who saw that one coming), "don't hold your breath" by nicole scherzinger aaand "unkind" by sloan
#personal headcanon that kalifa's childhood dream was to run a library cause she was canonically hella bookish as a child.#she takes over the rev's library/file room/whatever and forcibly organizes it and then beats that organization into everyone else.#they would be more annoyed but for the first time everyone can actually find things.#she 100% sets up the equivalent of a book return pile and tells anyone that if they try to put it back themselves that she WILL kick them#jabra and kumadori preemptively warn everyone else to just obey it#bc nobody wants to find out what kalifa's kicks feel like when she's mad#jabra learned the hard way the one (1) time he teased her after finding out her undercover role at galley la was a secretary#he did not make a secretary joke again#(nobody else ever made a secretary joke again and there are at least two people in the revs who are extremely grateful for it)#also trying 2 decide if i wanna have lucci take lami too during the marineford nonsense or if i should save that for later#fun fact: while i don't think the song itself fits as a whole#i have been itching to use a line from fob's 'you're crashing but you're no wave' for a fic title#specifically the 'hang on a rope or bated breath'#then again i also have a line from savage garden's 'to the moon & back' i wanna use to#which is the 'and crimes that were never defined'#the songs themselves are debatable but those lines specifically? yes#also in a theoretical au where cp9 did not inexplicably go back to the government after all that shit and wanted to go back to w7:#i present 'everything you've done wrong' by sloan#sibling verse
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if niwa meets a scholar during a period where he's not feeling the absolute pressure of answering a million and one questions about his past, his instant reaction is elation. Despite the fact he's been dedicated to his craft and taking care of his village, there was a point where he dreamed of becoming a scholar and exploring the vast reaches of the world to see about discovering improvements he could pass on to his people. it was a fleeting dream since his time became constricted and his hands far too busy.
#* // ā¦ļø 012. ā āŗ M A N N E R I S M S#* // ā¦ļø V3. ā āŗ ANCESTRY OF NIWA || HEART FROM IRMINSUL#// a million and one questions he'll have for the scholar#// he wants to explore the world and see what it's like#// so having someone who can tell him about it and things he's never heard of is a childhood dream
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Night in the Woods and Pathologic 2 are literally the same game, beyond a few superficial contrasts in presentation there isnāt a single difference.
#this is a vaguepost @ my sister#it is a joke but also if you try to challenge this statement i WILL defend it#*ahem* in this game you play as someone returning to their small town after having left for college (which they did not complete)#the character is honestly great. sarcastic little shit who might stab you but has a heart of gold and is a hero of the people.#the town is a part of you but you're also separate. your home feels like it changed but maybe you're the one who's different.#the town itself is a character. the autumnal atmosphere is not only beautiful but also perfectly ties in with the story's themes of change#the central conflict to the setting of course being the tensions between the past/tradition and the future/progress#drastic measures are employed in order to fight back against all the inevitabilities of industrialization involving ancient powers that be#and you're left to unravel its secrets and address it in just under two weeks before more people get killed#the game is set around 12 days plus a prologue and an epilogue#anyway. you arrive in town and go to your parents house and get in touch with three childhood friends. nothing is the same as when you left.#day 1 will also slap you in the face with a murder mystery but it's far too early for the full scope of the story to be revealed#in the following few days you get to explore the town and choose which npc's to spend time with#the game is designed so that you never have the time to do everything. many events will be locked forever if you don't do them on given days#your character is brash and possibly even violent but still finds themself mentoring kids and showing kindness to strangers#you also talk with a number of older more engrained members of the community and learn about the town's history and spirituality from them#there's a stark contrast between the full and bustling streets vs the abundance of abandoned spaces and empty buildings#you'll also discover that your dreams are packed with meaning and symbolism and will sometimes even see you commune with supernatural forces#tensions will rise as you uncover more and more pieces of the mystery. this ultimately culminates in a journey into the earth below the town#your character visits the magical pit that resides there where you learn the final truths of the story and can finally put it all together#you make a fateful choice in hopes of saving the town and the game ends allowing you to wander it one last time to see the results#you can take your time and when you're ready to end the game you return to a stage you've visited so often for your final goodbyes#of course the similarities don't end there. the weather. the rats. earth/sky dichotomies.Ā the discussions of labor movements.#the church conspicuously lacking any christian iconography. the giant animals as a representation of god but also not. the color palettes.#the human characters who look like stylized dogs and birds. the empty theater. man i could go on forever.#they even each have a side story where you play as a traveling scholar trying to unravel the secrets that lie beyond the veil of death#if i were a games youtuber i would make this into a 20 minute video with spliced footage from both games#for those who don't get the joke nitw has the coziest vibes my side of gaming despite its inherent sadness and patho2 is a survival horror
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iām so upset. lol. sometimes i just get so upset because i didnāt sign up for this (this as in having crippling gender dysphoria) and yet everyone treats me like i did. im sorry im sorry ok i would love to be a normal girl and to be okay like that. i would love it if my only options werenāt transition or slowly die. nobody around me cares at all i have maybe one singular friend who thinks of me as a guy and the worst part is iām surrounded by so much insane transphobia that i canāt blame the ones who donāt. itās wormed itself into my head that iām just a stupid delusional girl and itās my fault if people donāt gender me as male but im trying as hard as i physically possibly can how much more can i restrict myself??? and my ex girlfriend is maybe the only person who ever truly saw me as a person and sure she made me suffer but she was real and mine and now sheās gone forever and will never see me as a person ever again she might see me as a guy still but not as a human person. and im so upset because my friend of 5+ years respects but doesnāt support my existence and that means she sees me as a girl, still. and i cant blame her because what fucking right do i have to say im otherwise? my moms fucking words have wormed themselves into my brain and now i just cry about not being seen as a guy when i know that to cis people guy is synonymous with amab and male and nothing i do will change that im stick in this fucking tortuous prison and i cant even transition medically for another year and a half and itāll eat up all my savings and iām failing school. i want to go back a year ago so badly please. everything gets worse all the time i keep telling people it doesnāt but i am a liar. i would do ANYTHING to be cis. anything at all
#i want to detransition i just. i cant do this anymore iām not brave iām just a coward i never signed up to be a young pioneer of some stupid#gender war i just wanted a normal boy childhood and a normal boy teenhood and didnāt get either of those things#and iād have preferred a teen girlhood than this fucked up mess of whatever it is where nobody FUCKING likes me because i feel like an#undesirable freak. and i feel so stupid all of the time. im sorry for being trans i just want to apologise all the time#even the word fills me with shame at the moment#yeah i do have internalised transphobia im sorry im trying. i had terrible internalised homophobia as a kid too. im sorry. i donāt take it#out on anyone else and i donāt want to feel like this. but iām so utterly convinced iām unloveable and i feel so stupid and self conscious#and i just want to text my ex girlfriend and say i know you think iām evil incarnate and i sometimes think you are too but can you please#call me a guy while you tell everyone i was crazy and toxic and manipulative? can you he/him me while you lie? i know you probably do. thank#God. i want to die i really truly utterly do. itās like i woke up from a dream and now im living in a nightmare#oliver talks#Sorry. venting on main. shouldnāt be doing this#trans
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