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atissi · 4 years

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What advice would you give someone who wants to play Pathologic but is also terrified of screwing up really badly because I've played just enough of it to feel like there's no way I can succeed without looking stuff up but I don't want to do that! Just basic tips and/or reassurances if you have any?

Updated: Feb. 27 2021 (since I've finished and am replaying P2)

See, the thing about Pathologic is that it’s not possible to “succeed” like you do in other video games. There’s no happy ending for everyone. In the same sense, you can’t really fail. The game accommodates a wide variety of deaths and mistakes—even in Pathologic Classic HD, you can get a character's ending if you hoard enough medicine by the end of the 12 days, no matter how many people get sick or die. In Pathologic 2, everyone can die, but you’ll still be able to get an ending. Even some of the "bad" endings are fun in their own right. Sometimes, the game will reward you with more content because you failed in the first place.

All that being said, I totally relate to your fears. I’ll start by talking about Pathologic 2 first, since I’m more familiar with it. Then there will be some tips on playing Pathologic Classic HD.

Pathologic 2 is incredibly punishing, both emotionally and mechanically. I’ve seen people adapt to this through 3 different playstyles. I’ll rank them in terms of “least close to the intended gaming experience” to “most close”.

1. Just cheat.

“wrt cheating, as a notorious cheater, id recommend trying to do the game as legitimately as possible regardless! if there are some aspects that you absolutely do not vibe with, even with reduced difficulty (for me that's hunger mechanics), i would say that you can load in items to mitigate this aspect. and, tying in with the second point, if you complete a run this way you can always go back and try it legitimately since you've (sort of) gotten an understanding of the mechanic.” - Onion

If you have really bad anxiety, or just dont have the time available to do the other playstyles, cheating is a way to engage with Pathologic 2′s excellent story. Fiddling with the difficulty controls is allowed. Spawning in endless food for yourself is possible. I can even get you in touch with someone who uses cheat codes in the game regularly to get game assets. If changing the game is what it takes for you to get through it, I think it’s better than nothing. But I’d personally at least encourage you to try an Imago playthrough first. Decide if it’s too difficult for you after that. And again: Pathologic 2 is constantly trying to trip you up. It’s meant to be difficult. Sometimes you’ll fail and the game won’t tell you if you could have prevented it. Just keep going. But like Onion said, cheating works as a supplement.

2. Replay, replay, and replay, until you get it right.

“You can always replay. You have more time than they do. Also save states are your friend.” - Alex

“reload as much as possible, do NOT look things up. your first playthru WILL be bad, and thats good!!! experience it fully yourself first. [and] “reload as much as possible” meaning like: [it] isnt a crime, you can do it as many times as possible. but dont get stressed about doing everything perfectly. its an experience!!!” - Zee

There’s no penalty for using your save states. If you get stuck in a death loop, go back as far as you need to in order to get things right. Hopefully this means starting a day over and using your time more effectively. Personally, I got to Day 7 before realizing I had to restart from Day 1, because I was doing that badly. Trust me, if you’ve gotten one miracle cure and 10 bottles of water by then, you’ll be doing better than I was. My friend Bee had trouble too, and took 92 hours to finish their first playthrough. A replay playstyle takes a LOT of time. But Pathologic 2 is so rich in content that replaying isn’t even as annoying as it could be. And this is also the best way to complete as many quests and save as many people as you want. Whenever you’re scared, just remember: you can always go back on your choices! (Other than the theatre’s death penalties. But nothing can help you with those.)

3. Just go through it.

Again. You’re not supposed to succeed in Pathologic. In the words of the lead translator Kevin Snow, “…I know [Pathologic 2’s] script and this is different from other games: there’s so much story locked behind failure and death. You’ll die, and you can’t save everyone. That doesn’t gate you from story; it gives you more. Resist, survive, but continue.” It’s only when you’re suffering that you experience the story so viscerally. That’s when the choices mean something. Sacrificing your own health or the health of others–saving tinctures for yourself, breaking into houses, killing people, choosing not to help people because you just don’t have time–these are impactful because you’re experiencing the mechanical repercussions of your actions. You are not a removed arbiter of the Town’s suffering. Everyone in Pathologic is having the worst 12 days of their life, and you’re dying right alongside them. Spoilers for Day 4, but I don’t think visiting the Rod and seeing the Tragedians would have affected me so deeply if I wasn’t actively starving for the entire sequence. It served as a reminder that I wasn’t the only one in pain; it was heart-breaking and heart-warming. Which I think is Pathologic at its core.

Try to see your failures in the game as another form of success. You’re experiencing the game as it’s meant to be played. And when you feel bad about all the people you’ve failed, remember that this is all a play. The game knows it’s artificial. You can replay the game after you finish–and feel free to use cheats or lowered difficulties on a replay–in order to get everything right. Your mistakes aren’t permanent! But on a first playthrough, try to tough through the hardships. You’ll have a more fulfilling time.

Other tips

You can use these 3 playstyles in combination if you need to. I let myself die when I feel like I deserved the punishment, or reload when I feel like I don’t. Bee managed to finish Day 11 by lowering the game difficulty in the final stretch. Just approximate the intended gaming experience as much as you can.

As for gameplay guides, I don’t think anyone I’ve met recommends it (at least for Pathologic 2). The game does interesting things with when and where it reveals information to you, often in ways that are deliberately inconveniencing. You want to experience that on your own. I also think Pathologic 2 is relatively good at telegraphing mechanics or quests. compared to Patho Classic. That said, I do have tips that I wish I knew before playing:

Sprint everywhere. I know the town is beautiful. But you’re on a hell of a time crunch. If you finish your quests early you can forage or trade for more resources, or just bottom out your exhaustion bar. Sprinting does not make your exhaustion go up faster, and water is plentiful in the first few days. Just do it! Save your own time!

Save a lot. Even if you’re not gonna die on your way in and out of the Broken Heart, this game is chock-full of choices, down to the resource management. If you waste a swig of twyrine, you’ll want a good save point to reload at. You can load any save point in your timeline, so save as often as you want. Keep track of where clocks are on the map--the game tags these in the building descriptions. (For that matter, keep track of where beds are. I didn’t realize I could sleep at Vlad Sr.’s place, which made me waste SO much time travelling between the Shelter and the Lair.)

Learn the trading economy. Everyone holds items at different values. Even the kids value certain nuts over others. There are also some interesting conversion rates between items, like peanuts to soap to pemmican. Make the most of the items you’re bartering. And for that matter, try to build up a cache of items valuable to little girls, in case you find one with a schmowder. The kid’s caches are valuable for trading too: twyrine can show you the locations.

This is also a good spoiler-free guide to Pathologic 2′s mechanics.

For Pathologic Classic HD, I haven’t personally played it, but I’m under the impression that it’s easier than Pathologic 2 because there are less character perma-deaths and no death penalties. The advice about reloading still applies. Here’s what Ally says:

“id recommend using a spoiler free guide (Bachelor, Haruspex, and Changeling guides) but other than that read the diary and letters carefully and try to keep track of npcs that could be affiliated with quests. also! some quests have different options for endings so there could be multiple ways to complete them. stock up on food on the earlier days, and after the inquisitor arrives because the prices drop. try to stealth kill with melee weapons when you can, and also reserve your bullets. …also make sure to trade with the children a lot! hold onto objects like the hooks and flowers [to get schmowders. Like I said before, to win the game you only need enough cures to heal the Bound.] …another tip is to keep a pen and paper around to take notes. like when i got the tincture recipes instead of keeping them in my inventory i just wrote them down.”

And that’s it! If you need specific advice or clarification, feel free to DM me! I love talking about this game. I can also get you in touch with anyone mentioned in this post (except Kevin Snow LMAO). Pathologic has an amazing story and I want everyone to experience it!!!

#inbox #beepbeep.txt #pathologic

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madanitube · 7 years

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arplis · 5 years

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Arplis - News: Country Dog Cage Covers

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teaandthoughtbiscuits-blog · 7 years

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She’s Back!

So, life has been bat shit crazy over the last year and a half and a LOT has happened. I finally finished grad school and got that degree. I also got a cat! I will call her Zee here. She’s mah beautiful little green-eyed tabby; sweet as sugar and smart as a whip. I’ve cycled through a couple jobs, lost my apartment and have been couch surfing for a year. I also dipped my toe in the polyamory pond for about six months last year. That was....Interesting. And complicated. While I don’t think it’s for me, I still have so many thoughts on this. I’ve also been dealing with two very serious health issues--the congenital hydrocephalus I was born with and an emerging nightmare called Epilepsy. Speaking of emerging things (although considerably less nightmarish), I’ve also slowly but surely been tip toeing out of the musty, soul crushing closet my ultra religious and uber conservative family tried to lock me in at the tender age of 4 or 5. I honestly couldn’t tell you what life was like before I realized that I “liked girls”. One of my earliest memories is of when my older sister visited us when I was about 4 and I knew even then. So, um, yeah. Hi guys, I’m Bi!

Anyways, I’m rambling. Well, kind of. While I do tend to go off on tangents and scurry down rabbit holes and what not, I’m saying all of this because I wanted to very deliberately outline the new direction of this blog. Instead of me posting random stuff, I will be making a concerted effort to develop this blog and talk about Feminism, social justice issues, spirituality, religion, surviving domestic violence and what it’s like to be a Bisexual woman with two chronic illnesses struggling to make ends meet and find love. Commentary on the current political climate may or may not happen. We shall see. But, after months and years of ranting and raving on other social media sites, I feel like it’s time for me to dust off the ol’ tea kettle, pop some biscuits in the oven and invite ya’ll in to pull up a chair around my virtual kitchen table for a chat about this crazy lil’ thing I call life.

So, come on in....Welcome! Have a seat. Let’s talk. Let’s learn. Let’s grow.

Until Next Time,

#teandthoughtbiscuits #lgbt #bipride #chronic illness #hydrocephalus #epilepsy #brokegradstatus #sociology #feminism #spirituality #catlady #life #activism #social justice #politics #domestic violence survivor

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rkohunt3-blog · 7 years

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cousin ko majboor kia meri chut maarne pe phir to roz maze Hindi Urdu St...

#Real Health Care In Urdu Tna tan Zee Health And Beauty Tips Urdu.pk Your Will Wisher Husna Gull Health 786 malumat Tube Muslim Ummah Muslim

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bestinteriordesignerinpatna-blog · 5 years

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Tips and tricks for interior design for home

Tips and tricks for interior design for home are always interesting and less costly. They aim at providing comfort followed by styles and themes. If you visit the Zee Interior website, under residential and bungalow services you will find Bedroom, Kids rooms, living room, Bathroom, Kitchen, Dining room and Drawing room interior services to fully decorate the home. Zee interior is an awesome way in Patna to re-structure a room like an extravagance suite. However if one wants things to be done by oneself they can apply tricks with fewer efforts and cost. Sometimes the greatest things are felt by the smallest things.

Painting: - Trick like painting smaller rooms with lighter colors is a good idea to make it look big and full. Using mirrors along with light paintings on the walls and larger windows make the room look bigger than it is. Usually, darker color paints make the rooms look smaller. Also, such rooms even though they are well illuminated give a feeling of being in a cage. The reason is dark colors absorb light to make room confined and uncomfortable. For kid's rooms instead of going for light pink and light blue colors go for different light colors that soothe the eyes. The room must be fun-filled and give lively feelings to the kids. Brighter and not darker colors should be selected to make the walls seem farther and making the room looks bigger.

Furniture arrangement: - Types of Furniture are important, as well as they, cover more space. So it’s recommended to use furniture that is functional and can be used for many purposes such as a folding table, expandable table, etc. Such furniture can be kept away when not in use or can be used for some other purpose when one purpose is fulfilled. For larger rooms, furniture takes up space making the room look filled and lively. Budget friendly and space friendly furniture with good quality material lasts longer. The use of old fashioned wooden suitcases can be used as a decorative dining table and also as storage. Various human activities are supported by a good set of furniture.

Mirrors: - Mirrors add beauty and depth to the room. It reflects light during day and night to make a room look brighter. Using mirrors has doors also does wonders for the room.

Lighting: - Let the room have enough light both natural as well as artificial to make the room open up and look brighter. Lighting fixtures are available in markets having greater creative effects. Window blinders can be used to let the light enter in and also as covering.

Planting: - Planting small flowering plants if one has good space adds natural beauty to the place. Greenery is good for health and soothing eyes.

Declutter: - clutter is bad as it keeps rooms untidy and unorganized. Discarding old stuff which is not useful makes room for other important pieces of stuff in the room. This is one of the simplest tricks which people miss out on. Even one goes for a heavy budget interior and later lands up in cluttering, it will never make the room look lively.

#living room #interiors #interiordesign #interiordesigner #home improvement #home decoartion #home deocr #painting #wallpaper

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madanitube · 7 years

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ہمارے بچپن کا پسندیدہ کردار عینک والا جن کازکوٹاآج کل کہاں اور کس حال می...

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saveplus · 6 years

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Shopping Tips For the Frugal Shopper

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saafnews · 6 years

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عورت کو گھوڑی بنا کر ہمبستری کرنے کا فائدہ - عورت کو گھوڑی بنا کر ہمبستری کرنے کا فائدہ ہوتا ہے یا نقصان اصل بات جانئے. Link: https://youtu.be/25L2SO-GjIY عورت کو گھوڑی بنا کر ہمبستری کرنے کے فائدے یا نقصانات. Zee Health And Beauty Tips - Motapay ka 10000 Guranteed Nuskha _ Your trusted source for بیوی کو گھوڑی بنا کر ہمبستری کرنے کے نقصانات videos and the latest top stories in world The latest Tweets from Ambala Health Care (@ambalacare) Health Tips By Saira, Bahawalpur Taqat Aur Timing | Mardana Kamzori 30 Din May Khatam | My Help in Health Explore Mian Shahzad Raza's board "Health Tips in Urdu" on Pinterest ============================================== Share, Support, Subscribe!!! Subscribe: http://bit.ly/2EvOV7b Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2kU7VYJMCoF28xWqiLOaBA Twitter: https://twitter.com/saafnews786 Facebook: https://ift.tt/2GhVHd9 Website: https://ift.tt/2KzjAi6 ================================================ About Saaf News Channel gives Pakistan News, India News, malumat tube, Cricket News, health tips by saira, Entertainment and so-so. so you can

#news geo #pakistan news urdu #pakistan news today #pakistan news live #Pak army #pak army songs #pak army

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superblywingedstarfish · 7 years

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health information Timing Ling Home Remedies Nafs Mota Islmic Ginger | health Fitness & beauti tips| Please Subscribe my Channel You May Also Watch ↓ _mardana taqat, desi health tips, lun, zeem health tips, namardi ka ilaj, mardana kamzoori, quwat e bah, mardana kamzori, 100 mardon ki taqat, kamzori, mardana taqat tips in urdu, mardana timing, mardana taqat barhane ke liye akseer nuskha, health 786, my help in health, zee health and beauty tips, ka, mufeed totkey, mardana taqat barhane ke lie, mardana taqat ka khazana, mardana kamzori ka ilaj full, mani garhi, real health care in urdu, ubqari videos, mardana quwat, mardana kamzori ka ilaj urdu, desi nuskhe, mardana taqat ke liye fruit, mardana taqat barhane ka tariqa, mardana taqat barhane ka tareeqa, mardana taqat barhane ka tarika, mardana taqat ke desi nuskhe, mardana power medicine in urdu, mardana taqat ki tablet, mardana taqat barhane ka tariqa urdu, mardana taqat ke liye tips, mardana taqat barhane ka nuskha, ''my health clinic'', ''hakeem noor'', ''tips''►mardana timing, mardana timing adha ghanta, mardana taqat, my help in health, mardana timing barhany ka nuskha, health tips in urdu, desi health tips, mardana timing 1 ghanta, desi nuskhe, timing, arshads mens health channel, namardi, serf 2 chezen, quwat e bah, taqat, azzu e khas, zakawate hiss, ''nafs''►, ''hakeem, wasib'', waqt e khas, desi ilaj, mardana taqat ke desi nuskhe, zakawate hiss ka ilaj, health, sari raat hambistari, mardana, shahad, lun, ubqari videos, pakistani things, health in urdu, healthmeasy, khushal zindgi hakeem ahmad, ambala health care, health tips by saira, health tv, my health clinic, lovers channel, hdrvevo_nafs ki sakhti, nafs, ling mota, nafs ko lamba karne ka tarika, arshads mens health channel, mardana kamzori, nafs ko lamba karne ka tarika in urdu, zeem health tips, ling bada karne ke tarike, land bada karne ke upay, lund bada karne ki exercise, lund lamba karne ke tarike, lund mota kaise kare, lamba land, mardana taqat, land lamba karne ka tarika, nafs ko mota karna, nafs ka size, nafs ki sakhti ke liye, nafs ki malish ka tarika, mardana taqat tips in urdu, nafs ki lambai, nafs ka dheela pan, arshadskitchen, arshadskitchen new videos, nafas, ling bada karne ke desi nuskhe, sharamgah, ling bada karne ka oil, lund ko m, ling ko bada karne ka desi tarika, land ko lamba karne ka tarika, land lamba karne ki medicine, mota karne personal health, mardana kamzori ki dawa hindi, nafs lamba, nafs mota, desi health tips, lan, nafs ko lamba karne ka tarika in urdu in hindi…

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edmondmoller · 7 years

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New Post has been published on http://menshealthwithus.com/secret-remedy-for-double-hair-growth-coconut-milk-for-magcial-long-and-thick-hair-2

Secret Remedy For Double Hair Growth | Coconut Milk For Magcial Long And Thick Hair

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chinesehumanrightsdevelopmentnet · 7 years

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No Sleep Can Break A Relationship

We all know how it feels when we are lacking in sleep. It resembles the feeling when you are hungry, which makes you hangry = hungry + angry. You’re not just easily annoyed but feel really upset too because you do not function at your best when you are sleep deprived. It is already an issue when you are still single and don’t sleep with anyone yet but it takes on a different meaning once you have a partner or are already married.

Sleep is crucial to married couples as much as their sex life and finances are. And since there is someone else sleeping beside you at night, another person will notice all your little quirks and habits and it’s even worse if you are snoring. Snoring is a symptom of a deadly condition known as sleep apnea in itself knowing that there are countless breathing pauses in your sleep but imagine if you are the unfortunate person to sleep beside a snoring individual. While you worry about your spouse or partner’s health and well-being, you can’t help but think about yours too. The snoring sound lingers in your ear and drifting off the sleep seems like an impossible task each night and you dread going to bed once nighttime falls.

Sleep deprivation can put a major strain on your relationship that may cause you to have hostile fights with your significant other. On top of that, lack of sleep—the goal is seven to nine hours a night for adults—can cause depleted alertness, impaired memory, moodiness, and a poor quality of life, as well as high blood pressure, diabetes, heart attack, obesity, depression, premature wrinkling, and a lower sex drive, says the Cleveland Clinic. Seems like a solid list of reasons to keep anything, let alone a snoring bunkmate, stand between you and ample beauty rest, right?

Because snorers tend to sleep just fine despite the sounds they’re making, they don’t necessarily experience the health effects their REM-deprived partners do, which is why the dozing musicians might not see it as a problem at first. But whether you’re the snorer or the one rocking earplugs, there are some things that can be done to help with the problem.

(Via: https://www.wellandgood.com/good-advice/snoring-harmful-to-relationships/)

It’s not just a complaint voiced out by partners of snorers but studies have proven how disastrous relationships have ended because of this annoying sound. Life has been such a drag so far with wars here and there, natural calamities hitting different places in the globe with such a force, rising commodity prices, etc., the last thing a person wants to do is stay up all night tossing and turning because they can’t ignore the snoring sound their partner makes. Some who can’t take it anymore leads to break ups and separations while some try unconventional sleeping arrangements like sleeping in different rooms just to stay sane and not hate their partner just as much without losing their precious sleep.

Snoring, overactive sleepers, different temperature preferences or opposite sleep/wake times can ruin a partner’s rest, Phyllis Zee, director of the Sleep Disorders Center at Northwestern Memorial Hospital, told The Huffington Post.

And while bed sharing does help build emotional comfort and closeness that benefits relationships, sleeping side-by-side is not the only way to achieve that, Zee said. (Couples who sleep apart can try a morning or nighttime routine for cuddling and sex, she added.)

“Getting good quality sleep is important for relationships ― bed-sharing or not,” she said. “It’s a personal decision, not necessarily a sign of marital problems.”

(Via: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/sleeping-apart-relationships_us_583358a1e4b030997bc0c643)

It may be a novel concept for couples but it has worked for some and saved many relationships as well. After all, it is better to sacrifice the cuddling and embrace of your special someone at night than leaving them for good. Give it a try if you have a partner that snores. Of course, it is important to get him/her checked but it may be helpful as well to consider this tip rather than let the snoring become a problem in your relationship. Remember that we are human beings with needs that must be met. We get sick if we don’t get cranky first if these needs aren't met such as sleeping and eating. So, spare your relationship all the troubles and either get that snoring checked or move out to the spare room in your house right now.

The following post No Sleep Can Break A Relationship See more on: chrdnet.org

from Chinese Human Rights Development - Feed https://chrdnet.org/2017/10/02/no-sleep-can-break-a-relationship/

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mediaweb786 · 7 years

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Jariyan Ka Jar Se Khatima Please Subscribe my Channel You May Also Watch ↓ _mardana taqat, desi health tips, lun, zeem health tips, namardi ka ilaj, mardana kamzoori, quwat e bah, mardana kamzori, 100 mardon ki taqat, kamzori, mardana taqat tips in urdu, mardana timing, mardana taqat barhane ke liye akseer nuskha, health 786, my help in health, zee health and beauty tips, ka, mufeed totkey, mardana taqat barhane ke lie, mardana taqat ka khazana, mardana kamzori ka ilaj full, mani garhi, real health care in urdu, ubqari videos, mardana quwat, mardana kamzori ka ilaj urdu, desi nuskhe, mardana taqat ke liye fruit, mardana taqat barhane ka tariqa, mardana taqat barhane ka tareeqa, mardana taqat barhane ka tarika, mardana taqat ke desi nuskhe, mardana power medicine in urdu, mardana taqat ki tablet, mardana taqat barhane ka tariqa urdu, mardana taqat ke liye tips, mardana taqat barhane ka nuskha, ''my health clinic'', ''hakeem noor'', ''tips''►mardana timing, mardana timing adha ghanta, mardana taqat, my help in health, mardana timing barhany ka nuskha, health tips in urdu, desi health tips, mardana timing 1 ghanta, desi nuskhe, timing, arshads mens health channel, namardi, serf 2 chezen, quwat e bah, taqat, azzu e khas, zakawate hiss, ''nafs''►, ''hakeem, wasib'', waqt e khas, desi ilaj, mardana taqat ke desi nuskhe, zakawate hiss ka ilaj, health, sari raat hambistari, mardana, shahad, lun, ubqari videos, pakistani things, health in urdu, healthmeasy, khushal zindgi hakeem ahmad, ambala health care, health tips by saira, health tv, my health clinic, lovers channel, hdrvevo_nafs ki sakhti, nafs, ling mota, nafs ko lamba karne ka tarika, arshads mens health channel, mardana kamzori, nafs ko lamba karne ka tarika in urdu, zeem health tips, ling bada karne ke tarike, land bada karne ke upay, lund bada karne ki exercise, lund lamba karne ke tarike, lund mota kaise kare, lamba land, mardana taqat, land lamba karne ka tarika, nafs ko mota karna, nafs ka size, nafs ki sakhti ke liye, nafs ki malish ka tarika, mardana taqat tips in urdu, nafs ki lambai, nafs ka dheela pan, arshadskitchen, arshadskitchen new videos, nafas, ling bada karne ke desi nuskhe, sharamgah, ling bada karne ka oil, lund ko m, ling ko bada karne ka desi tarika, land ko lamba karne ka tarika, land lamba karne ki medicine, mota karne personal health, mardana kamzori ki dawa hindi, nafs lamba, nafs mota, desi health tips, lan, nafs ko lamba karne ka tarika in urdu in hindi…

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davidfostercomedyblog · 7 years

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A Wish That Can Never Come True

When we turn one or two years old the best thing about our birthday is nothing (as far as we know). All we know is food and shitting and Mommy, and for some reason all Mommy and Daddy’s friends are smiling in our fuckin’ face. Vaffanculo.

For about ten years after that the best thing about birthdays are the presents (if you’re fortunate). What did I get? Did I get what I requested (and more)? Offer me the illusion of purchasable happiness via toys and then gadgets, and if you’re a boy anything but clothes. Vomit.

The next ten years are about intoxication… right? Alcohol first, then drugs, then drugs and alcohol or drugs with other drugs, or stronger drugs plus alcohol and cigarettes, and I’m pretty sure this is the phase where birthdays become “birthweeks,” “birth benders” as it were, because what 19 year old with an addictive personality cares to party for only one night? Literal vomit.

Eventually comes adulthood where we (hopefully) become wise enough to curb such madness or face the fact that our bodies can no longer take it. We may still partake in more subtle debauchery, but it’s exactly that: The toned down, PG-13 version of what was, and one of the very first concessions of our own mortality. We’re dying. How do we know? Because self-destructive behavior finally feels like what it is. Vaffanculo.

Nooo, it’s not so bad because, again if we’re lucky this begins the transition of short-term elation being replaced by the joy of adoration. Chinese medicine distinguishes pathological joy which endangers our health from the more functional joy that our bodies cannot thrive without; the former being three days of popping ecstasy pills, drinking straight whiskey from the bottle and having sex with a bunch of people all doing the same. The latter is of course all the symptoms of self-actualization - feeling accomplished, at peace, loved and loving others.

I am a Gemini (obviously, who else would write a fucking blog on their birthday?), susceptible to a degree of narcissism and ego, but with maturity I think most of the time I am able to keep this in check, if not via my own internal devices, then the many external reminders that I’m truly not so great and not in any way superior. Instead, I am totally fine. Just a guy… as “good” as anyone else, no better because of the things I can do, no worse because of the things I don’t have. I’m a guy who is a Gemini, and thus must digress.

On every birthday for about 48 hours we get to feel special, celebrated, like God for a day and the world revolves around us; which is quite logical regardless of your theistic beliefs. Also, it’s why so many people prefer to dismiss or downplay their special day. For introverts and those who wish never to be the center of attention it propagates a degree of humility that tips the scale into humiliation. (Most) Geminis don’t have this problem.

Everyone hollers, whether via Facebook, text, phone call or in actual physical presence, and it’s nice. Turning older is bitter and sweet, the former for obvious reason, the latter because the quantity of people we’ve had the opportunity to be touched by only grows. For me this always adds another layer of bitter, as I can never have what I truly want.

What I want (in Michael Corleone’s broken jaw voice) is to have all the people that I’ve loved to always be a part of my life, none of them to live in my actual apartment – but maybe some of them could live in my building. The rest should live in my immediate neighborhood, if not neighboring neighborhoods, and we see each other if not weekly, then at least on holidays and just “holla days,” at block parties or while just roaming the block. I understand this is not how (modern) life works. I also understand that life is suffering (in Buddha’s voice).

Of course certain friends and ex-lovers are people we grow apart from – people who came into our lives to teach us beautiful lessons and move on via ugly differences. But the more peripheral peeps, who have served only as sources of joy, daily reprieve from our worldly fears and inner turmoil, reminders in the form of their personal embrace that we are all connected, all in the same gang.

I wish I could chill with all of my friends from Tappan Zee High School, all the kids I loved smoking weed with, getting in trouble with and much more often evading trouble with. I wish we could hang now as law-abiding citizens, as only in hindsight am I able to realize how much I love(d) them. I wish all my immigrant friends that I worked with at Boston Market could be there too – and my immigrant (and non-immigrant) peeps from Wagner Park Café in Battery Park and Pizzeria il Fico in Beverly Hills – all my homeys whose love is the reason why I speak fluent Spanish. What a gift. Maybe if Trump ever had to wait tables he wouldn’t care so much to build walls. I digress. I wish I’d retained the friendships from my one semester at George Washington University, almost as much as I wish I had from my many remaining semesters in undergrad – my biggest regret. I wish practically everyone from grad school lived on my block – my hippy acupuncturist friends, Millennial hipsters and even some of the (super) Chinese teachers who I used to convene and joke with in the clinic consultation room, hallways and that dope ass Thai spot down the block. I remember the lovely, Erin Kumpf, once remarking in the middle of one such cypher during our last semester: “I’m gonna miss this,” and we stood briefly confused. “This,” she elaborated. “These incidental gatherings throughout each day. They’re so special.” So is Erin, so wise, and I haven’t seen her in four years. I wish she lived in my hood. I wish that all my comedian friends and friends from L.A. lived in my hood, but they don’t even live on my side of the country. When will I see you again? Fortunately with age comes a potential for connection that is less breakable by tangibles and they all still feel like besties 2,000 miles away. I just wish they were here with me. As a young (stupid) adult my prerequisite for love was perfection. A person had to fulfill every single one of my interpersonal needs in a way that confirmed us kindred spirits for me to feel love. Thankfully, with more birthdays I eventually underwent an emotional transformation to the opposite reality. Now I require only one interpersonal need sincerely met over time spent and I’m in love. I’m very grateful for this shift. I wish everyone I love could be 5-10 blocks from my block, with everyone they love 5-10 blocks from there, and eventually we would love each other too, because this is typical and 20 blocks is totally surmountable. I suppose this is a commune, but sorry, I ain’t leaving New York (again). No. I just wish I could laugh every week with everyone I laughed with as a child in the 80’s, a delinquent in the 90’s, a comedian in the 00’s and healer in the present. I wish there were no space and no time, as they seem to ruin everything. I wish I was everywhere and everywhere was my hood. I’d better think of a better wish.

#birthdaywish #friendship #love

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