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truths33k3r4 · 2 months ago

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CHAPTER 7 - Imprinted

(CW- Nightmares, trauma, vomiting, flashbacks)

Lotus woke with a thrashing gasp, the air in her lungs stolen by another nightmare. Her hand shakily rose to her plastron as she tried to calm her pounding heart. The echoes of the monster’s threats slowly faded from her mind, but the adrenaline and fear still loomed over her like an inescapable smaug. The dream still had its hold on her, morphing reality as it saw fit. Shadows seemed to come alive as their claws shot out from the darkness. Every wall sprouted eyes and began to close in on her. Her stomach twisted in discomfort as she fought to forget her dream, closing her eyes and reminding herself again and again that it was over.

“I’m fine… It’s… It’s done..” She choked, still trying to regain her purloined breath.

Once the ghostly chorus of the phantom completely faded, she wearily opened her eyes. Everything had returned to normal, the shadows creeping back into their crevices awaiting the next time she would try to sleep. All the eyes had vanished from the walls. The room had stopped shrinking.

Before she could slump in relief her gut twisted again, making her wince as the discomfort only grew.

That’s weird…

Lotus was fully aware of the repercussions of nightmares on her body. There were times she would wake drenched in sweat or shaking. Other nights she woke up so tense that her body physically ached, forcing her to stretch out her tight limbs and loosen up before attempting to sleep again. But this was different. Normally the discomfort would soften as she calmed herself down, the turbulence of her racing heart slowly returning to a steady beat. But this… this wasn’t normal.

The throb of discomfort only continued to grow, forcing Lotus to clutch her arms around her torso. Her stomach grew more and more tight, as the sharp pangs squeezed whimpers out of her lips. Nausea crept closer.

This isn’t good… This ISN’T GOOD.

She scrambled to think back to the last thing she ate, but came up empty. The last few days were a complete blur, smeared together in a mishmash of memories that left her with no decipherable answers.

Seems this is becoming a recurring theme in my life.

Her bitter thoughts took a screeching halt as her stomach lurched.

Panic came flooding back into her heart in an instant as she shot her hand over her mouth in a feeble attempt to contain what she knew was coming.

No no nonononono!!!

With as much strength as she could muster, she frantically pulled herself upright. She could feel the acid quickly clawing its way up her throat, cutting off her gasping pleas for this new nightmare to cease.

And as per usual, she quickly found that she had no control.

In a split second attempt to spare Leo’s mattress, Lotus jerked her entire body off the bed, landing hard onto the grainy tiles below. The impact of her fall sparked a terrible ache to ignite in her still healing leg, but the pain was quickly thrown to the back burner as the vile taste of acrid fumes filled Lotus’ mouth. Her head swayed as dizziness overtook her.

She closed her eyes in a tight wince as she shakily braced her hands onto the ground. Not a second later, her stomach’s contents disguised as stinging lava splattered over the floor, sealing her fate.

I’m sorry… I’m sorry! I’M SORRY!

The imprinted instinct to run and hide from her shame grew with each embarrassing second, but her limbs refused to carry her weight. In order to keep from landing face first into the mess, she used her swaying form to roll her body to the side. Once again, her head rang with the impact of hitting the floor, and her leg screamed at the rough treatment. Even with the remnants of acid burning her throat and nose, she couldn’t hold back crying out from the pain.

Her hands clutched onto her thigh, squeezing hard to hopefully stint the agony quickly spreading throughout the incision site. Tears began streaming down her cheeks as she pictured how pathetic she must have looked lying on the floor next to her own puke. The fact that she couldn’t listen to her instincts and hide made things so much worse.

She was trapped, pinned down, and at the mercy of the first person through the doorway.

Her fears were made real as she heard the rush of footsteps come racing towards her.

They can’t see this!! I… I can’t let them see this!!!

It’s just another mess for them to clean up! I’m being such a PAIN- They’ve been so nice and THIS is how I’m repaying that kindness?!?

By becoming a hindrance?? A pest?

What a way to say “thank you”, you charity case.

Her bitter tears burned alongside her stinging throat as she hid her face into her shoulder.

Pathetic.

The racing footsteps finally made their way into the bedroom, and Lotus’ stomach squeezed as they raced towards her.

Her mind was overtaken by the cold voices of her past.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??”

“UGH, DISGUSTING.”

“SEND IT TO DR O’NEIL, IT’S SICK AGAIN.”

More tears streamed down her cheeks as she braced for the same reprimands for what she had done. She tensed her body awaiting whatever punishment her captors saw fit.

“LOTUS! What happened?!?” Leo’s voice cried out as gentle hands were placed onto Lotus’ trembling shoulders. At the physical contact, her body let out an unavoidable flinch, bringing out a startled gasp from the oldest brother.

“Lotus.. What’s wrong?” He whispered as he drew back his hand.

“Are ya blind? She’s sick!” Raph yelled exasperatedly, but Lotus could sense little glints of concern hidden behind the fiery brother’s tone.

When she finally turned her face towards the brothers, she caught sight of Don frantically leaving the room. From what she could see of his expression, his face looked as though he was… afraid. Her sight was quickly brought back to Leo and Mikey leaning over her, asking her a multitude of questions that blurred into a cacophony of frantic voices. Once Leo caught on that she couldn’t understand what they were saying, the eldest slapped a hand over Mikey’s mouth. With the racket of panic silenced, Leo sighed and started over.

“What is going on? Are you in any pain?” He spoke as calmly as he could, though the facade wasn’t as effective thanks to the worry etched over his face and tense posture.

Lotus wanted to shrivel up and die.

Before she could attempt to cover up the fact that she was indeed ill, her body once again reminded her of who was in charge. Another searing zing shot up her leg, and she had no choice but to cry out as she squeezed tighter to the offending limb.

“Well, there’s your answer.” Raph flicked his hand gesturing to Lotus, “Come here, we’re gettin’ you off the floor.”

“Careful with her leg!” Leo warned, as Raph moved to pick Lotus up. “Hopefully she didn’t pull any of her stitches…”

Lotus’ stomach flipped at that horrifying thought.

If she had pulled some of them, Leo would be forced to re-stitch her wound. That horrible experience was one she never wanted to relive. Her mind briskly reminded her of the pain she had felt at that moment in time, the prick and pull of the needle, and the fear that had forced her body to be sick.

Please, NOT AGAIN.

Another whimper squeaked out from her as Raph lifted her up, resulting in the fiery brother looking down at her in concern. He made sure to move extra slow so as to not reignite the pain in her leg. It somewhat worked.

“Careful- Careful!” Leo hurriedly spoke as he ran to check on Lotus’ incision. “Alright Lotus, you need to hold still, okay? Don’t move- I just need to check something real quick.”

Swallowing down the urge to shudder at the familiar words, Lotus cried a silent prayer pleading for there to be no damage to her stitches.

Agonizingly slow seconds crept past as she waited for Leo to speak. To distract herself she tried looking around the room again, identifying the vast diversity of colors and textures strewn about the room; The dark crimson wall of Raph’s nook, the bright splotches of blues, yellows, and oranges on the wall underneath Mikey’s bunk bed, and the patterns adorning many articles of clothing haphazardly dropped and thrown across the room.

The distraction helped a little. Her heart cautiously returned to a normal beat, and her mind began to empty out all the panic that had plagued it. She took a slow inhale and then let it out, allowing her head to carefully lean onto Raph’s plastron. She could hear his heart beating from under the hard, natural armor, and she leaned further as she let its steady rhythm overtake her anxieties.

“Okay,” Leo began, making Lotus jolt out of her dazed stupor in an instant, “your stitches seem fine.”

If she could, Lotus would have jumped out of Raph’s arms and danced. But seeing how she was still weak and pathetic at the moment, she settled for just letting out a sigh of relief, dropping her head back down onto Raph’s chest.

“Now.. can you explain why you were sick?” Leo spoke as he gestured to the spot where Lotus had thrown up. Mikey was already finished cleaning the area on the floor with a slight grimace on his face. He gathered the used paper towels and threw them in the trash bin Don was holding.

Lotus’ brows creased as she noticed how pale Donatello looked. He held the trash bin an arms length away from himself, and his face twisted with way too many emotions all at the same time. His eyes remained strictly focused on the furthest wall as he was led by Mikey out of the room.

“Lotus? LOTUS!”

She twitched as her attention was yanked back to Leo, the eldest’s eyes drawn into tight, interrogative slits.

“Why. Were. You. Sick? Are you okay???” Leo asked with a hint of annoyance camouflaged under his calm tone.

Lotus shook her head to knock out all the interrupting thoughts clouding her mind, as Raph gently placed her onto Leo’s bed.

“S-sorry, Leo… I’m… I’m not sure why I’m sick.” Lotus’ voice was quiet and strained, trying to be careful of her still burning throat. It also didn’t help that her leg continued to pulse with deep aches, causing some words to cut off in sharp grunts or gasps. “My… NGH! My stomach h-hurts…”

“Alright- That’s okay!” Leo gently spoke, the annoyance quickly being forgotten as his question was finally somewhat answered. He held out his hands in a steadying gesture. “Do you think you were allergic to the crackers Mikey gave you earlier?”

Huh??

Lotus’ pained expression twisted again, not in discomfort but in confusion.

“W-What are you talking about? I didn’t eat any crackers.” She spoke in mild, whispered bewilderment, “At least… Not that I can remember…”

She turned her head to peer at the side table next to Leo’s bed. There was no plate or crumbs anywhere, so most likely she was never given a snack, right? Unless the dishes were taken away?.. But wouldn’t she have remembered that?

Am I missing something here????

She turned to face Leo again, but froze when she noticed his expression. His irises had shrunk to half their usual size, and his breathing caught in his throat. He joined his hands as if he were about to start praying, but his eyes remained wide open.

“...Are you telling me…You haven’t eaten anything all day?”

Lotus didn’t mean to shrink under Leo’s accidental scrutiny, but the eldest’s gaze was becoming more and more sharp by the second, and she could only withstand his “Mom glare”™ for so long.

“...Um…” Lotus squeaked under the growing pressure of Leo’s glare. She turned her gaze to Raphael in a desperate plea for support. The fiery brother refused to be helpful in the slightest, simply shrugging and holding his hands in mock surrender at Lotus’ pleading expression.

She tried to gulp down the pebble stuck in her windpipe.

“...No?...”

Leo’s head instantly dropped onto the tips of his praying fingers with an exasperated sigh.

“Mikey…~” He groaned under his breath.

“Aw, come on, bro.” Raph mumbled to himself.

Confusion still twisting her features, Lotus was grateful to finally have Leo’s glacier glare off her, but she still had no idea what he was talking about.

Her stomach twisted again, and all the puzzle pieces clicked into place.

“... I was supposed to eat before I took the pills, wasn’t I?”

Leo kept his face down as he groaned, “Yes.”

Lotus grit her teeth as she fought to keep her composure, her face scrunching into a barely contained snarl. Anger began to burn inside her, draping the shadows of doubt and bitterness over her heart once again.

Here she was in the same situation as before; A victim of careless caretakers.

Nothing has changed.

I am such an IDIOT.

“That’s why I don’t feel right? It’s because of you? Again?!” Lotus’ voice grew in volume and venom with each accusation spat. “What is wrong with you?!?! WHAT WAS IN THOSE PILLS??” She yelled, as her hands whipped to point at the side table.

Leo’s head shot up as his hands separated, rising in placating surrender.

“N-no! It… it was an accident! Mikey was supposed to bring you something to eat so you could take the painkillers, but… he got… distracted. Something kinda…” Leo began to taper off as his shoulders rose stiffly.

“...Came up.” Raph finished in a grumbling tone.

Lotus flung her arms in the air as an empty laugh erupted out of her snarling teeth. “Oh yes! A lot of something definitely came up.” She pointed to her aching stomach to prove her point.

Before Lotus could react, Raph had already stepped in between her and Leo, his arms tightly crossed, and his eyes in a piercing glare.

“HEY. You don’t know what happened back there.” Raph intervened, his low voice imitating a growl of warning, “Like Leo said, it was an accident. He’s not perfect, no matter how hard he tries to be.”

Leo’s whole body tensed after Raph’s words, the eldest’s expression flashing from fear to surprise to hurt.

Lotus unconsciously cowered at the sudden presence of Raphael’s towering form. His shadow looming over her brought back many unspeakable memories to light. She fought hard not to whimper or hide, but the fear lashing at her core stung and bled. The memories of a monster distorted her view of Raphael, smearing her reality with the darkness of her past.

“Hold still, creature.”

The searing anger burning her lungs and clouding her mind vanished as the ghost of Lotus’ past hissed all too familiar words.

“No. Get away!” Lotus cried out as she shielded her head with her arms.

She had nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. Nowhere that was safe.

There was no haven that could protect her from the memories.

She was trapped all over again.

“I’m sorry! I’m s-s-sorry!” She whimpered into the crooks of her arms.

A beat passed as she waited for her punishment.

“Lotus… Is it alright if I touch you?” A kind voice asked, shining dim rays through the smaug of memories.

The voice was unlike any she had heard in the labs: Kind, soothing, gentle… But it wasn’t female like the good doctor. Its tones were lower, smooth like the facets of a diamond, and radiating with warmth.

Her instinct told her she could trust it.

Another beat passed as Lotus shakily nodded her head. Soon after, she felt the cool scales of a three-fingered hand land on her forearm. She winced, expecting the hand’s grip to tighten and yank her away.

Instead, it delicately pulled down her arms.

Her glistening eyes widened as the ghost before her vanished in the warm rays of the bedroom. As her last tears fell, the blurs of green, red, and blue morphed back into Raphael and Leonardo.

They looked so worried.

Leo’s face had fallen into a horrified frown, and Raph looked as though he had just accidentally ran over a puppy. Their expressions filled with concern brought a soothing confirmation to Lotus that they weren’t her old doctors. They couldn’t be.

Because they looked as though they cared.

She looked down to see Leo’s hand still placed on top of her forearm. There were no scratchy squeaks of latex, no icy grip, and not even five fingers. No one was tying her down. No one was cutting into her.

Instead, she felt a soft warmth emanate through the contact of Leo’s fingers on her skin. The grip wasn’t tight, yet it was still grounding.

It felt so foreign and so right at the same time.

Emotions began to clash inside her, her past and present fighting in a mighty battle to gain control. Distrust and bitterness clawed at the growing rays of hope. Fear and trauma bit and scratched at the faded hands of peace.

Lotus took a leap of faith.

“I’m sorry. I-... I just… I h-h-hate feeling like… like t-this…” Lotus whimpered as all the fear drained from her body, taking her strength with it. “I’m.. I’m sorry, Leo.”

The corners of Leo’s mouth perked into a kind grin as his icy irises melted with compassion. Raph simply closed his eyes and nodded his head, his expression turning stoic, but not lacking sympathy. Lotus could still catch his concern peeking through as he stayed close to her bedside.

“It’s alright, I forgive you.” Leo spoke softly, as he delicately squeezed her arm. His smile grew the tiniest bit more when he saw that she didn’t flinch. “ And I… can’t blame you for being angry. I just should’ve brought you the snacks myself. It was my fau-”

Before Leo could finish his apology, his words were cut off by Raphael gripping the lip of the eldest’s shell, and yanking him forward so they were face-to-face. Leo let out an indignant yelp at the jarring motion. Raph poked an accusing finger into Leo’s plastron, rumbling in a tone that left no room for argument.

“-You say it’s your fault again and I’ll pelt you in the head with the back of my sai.”

Leo’s face flushed in an instant as he sputtered and squirmed in Raphael’s grip.

“RAPH! Nghhh.. P-Put me DOWN!!”

As confused as Lotus was as to why the brothers were arguing, she made no attempt to ask. Even though she had gotten more than enough sleep in the last… Day? Days? Her body still ached, resulting in another large wave of exhaustion dragging her consciousness down further into the expectant darkness of sleep.

Her eyelids began sinking…

Her thoughts fizzled out like the dying flames of a candle…

Just as her eyes closed and darkness filled her vision, a chilling presence emerged from the shadows, beckoning her to follow it deeper into the black of her nightmares once again.

“-NO!” She gasped breathlessly as she forced her body to jerk upright.

Leo and Raph instantly stopped their tussling, whipping their heads in the direction of Lotus’ distress. Raph let go of Leo and they both drew closer to Lotus’ bedside, asking her what was wrong and why she was shaking.

Her answer came in a frail voice drowning in terror and hopelessness.

“I’ll…I’ll never be free.”

Aaaand that's it for this chapter!! Now you're all finally seeing more of Lotus' perspective in this story. Some of her true colors revealed themselves in this chapter, as well as some answers about her past. And now we'll all see how the brothers will handle this broken girl. <3 This was one of my darker chapters, as you just read it focuses a good amount on Lotus' trauma, and how her captors created her view on the world and herself. This will be the base of her arc in this story.

Also, you probably noticed I only posted one illustration with this chapter. This was on purpose, cause I wanted to leave room for you guys to create your own picture of the scenes that occur in this chapter. :) Whether it be through your imagination or through fanart! This also helps me to not have as much work to do per chapter, so I can get more chapters finished and posted for you all faster! :)

Hope you enjoyed! Please feel free to reblog this!

BIG THANK YOU to @poetique823 for giving helpful critiques and suggestions with editing the chapter!! :)

@writer-in-wonder, @allyheart707, @oddartistl3, @risebabyx2, @joyjoygorl

(If you want to be tagged in the next chapter, just comment down below!) :)

To God be the glory!

~ Melissa

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