#Youtube is trying to kill me
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DO YOU KNOW THE AMOUNT OF HEART ATTACK I JUST ABOUT HAD? (This is U-Know/Yunho from TVXQ shorts.. But. Junsu's page titles bled onto it. It's a glitch.).
I made an indescribable sound thinking Junsu did the Yunho challenge and we almost had 2 of the original TVXQ members together again.
Tagging @wardog-of-the-endless because. Ow.
#tvxq#V is 5 my guys#T5XQ plz#Yunho#U-Know#JYJ#J&J#Xia Junsu#Junsu#My heart hurts#I almost lost it#That sound will now go into the book of “I don't know if I'll ever make that sound again”#Bias and Bias-Wrecker#Reunion Please#Cassiopeia Heart#Cassiopeia#War can you hear me?#Youtube is trying to kill me
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Remember when Dick fought Beast Bruce on top of a bridge, and Beast Bruce flung himself at Dick, sending both of them careening into the river below?
Titans: Beast World #2
My brain was so kind to remind me of a similar scene in LOTR when the Warg dragged Aragorn over a cliff and into the river.
youtube
#i was like actually i'd like to see an animated/live action version of beast bruce attacking dick and having that bridge moment#and then i was like hey the aragorn scene is similar enough for me to feel satisfied#but actually this whole bruce and dick scene is rapidly unfolding a story in my mind of dick and bruce getting swept down the river#into a more isolated location#listen i just want more survival type of stories okay? that's where i'm going with this#so dick and breast bruce trying to survive.#and beast bruce is hurt bad enough to where he does need dick's help with food and water and such#which means dick has to ''tame'' bruce enough to not actively attack or kill him#which i know sounds Weird unless you're overly familiar with werewolf type of stories#in which case not weird at all lmao#Bruce Wayne#Dick Grayson#lotr#Youtube
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decembhyur, day 5: struggle
little dark age, little dark age... — ♫
#decembhyur#decembhyur2023#the link is to soundcloud instead of youtube this time. the original video got deleted but this remix is such a vibe#this has been in my head for a while#yea that's foulques as a kid; him and paris were childhood friends#i was torn on using this set for day 4 or not but this fit the theme of day 5 more#so imagine the 'struggle' of trying to carry a boy two times bigger than you for fun#and the actual struggle of trying to carry the dead body of your best friend back from the cliff so you could bury him#the body of the best friend you had to kill#it just hit me that this could be a companion piece for my other gpose of them featuring mgmt lyrics ough#blood cw#death cw#q.#mygposes.#ffxivsnaps#gposers#ffxiv gpose#ffxiv oc#hyur#elezen
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YESYDHDKATjfla
Basically yesterday while listening to mafumafu this scene appeared and the lyrics "Hey, why should I be hated and detested for no reason?" They resonated in my soul and I said.
"It's time to draw it with Akechi 🗣️🗣️🗣️" (in short I took it as an excuse to draw it in a big flashy Yukata)
youtube
It took me a while to decide to upload this, sorry😭❌
#Ahhh you deserve a well-deserved apology from me 😭.#I have no defense#only that none of my drawings satisfy me#nothing convinced me to publish it.#I guess this is kind of decent#I'm thinking about moving it to digital.#I'm also out of ideas ☠️. I want to draw saikechi#I will try to publish more because in fact I have drawn jsksja.#akechi touma#I wanted to draw Akechi as a fox spirit#I admit it#My shame is killing me#saiki k#tdlosk#touma akechi#saiki no psi nan#i love him so much#Definitly this isn't canon#BUT THAT DOESN'T CARE ME AKECHI LOOKS PRETTY WITH A LOOOOOOOOONG PONY TAIL AND VIVID COLORSBFJFDKSJ#Youtube
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This is random drama im looking at rn from captain laserhawk fandom,i dont post about i know but i like its content,so feel free to ignore my rage moment cause hhhhhh ill be very angry<3 /
istg the rayfrog drama is the dumbest shit alive in the clh fandom AUHGG💀
no it isnt pedophilic and yes im pointing and you people who said that dumbest shit,directly to your eyes BWBDBE
Just cause in your head you just made it up,ITS NOOOOT CANON,they are both adults,rayman is a guy who literally can live/sleep 100 years and mf can't age physically after origins,he is a ageless, a literal magical fantasyland creature made by gods,its actual creepier that you guys infantilize bullfrog on trying to make him like some kind of CHILD or teen who barely got to be an adult when in reality he is an old grown ass man who has been being an assasing for who knows how many years,that you guys had more that mindest speaks more of how creepy you are,stop infantilize grown ass adults istg
u can not like or u can feel uncomfy with rayfrog like thats absolutly fine dont get me wrong,that is not the problem and u can have for whatever reason,if u hc that they had an age gap,if they are just friends,familiar stuff,like other ship related to Bullfrog or idk but, don't try to made up arguments and do shit ass ship wars,they are adults PERIOD,grow up and stop crying about it,just block tags or be healthier for your own life to just shrugh about it and move on ITS NOT HARD 💀
#rayfrog#drama discussion#like HECC this dang ass ship isnt even my stupid cup of tea#i can give two shits about it except for unwanted MMMSUUS art on my sfw twitter#but people bitching about it is like UHHHHGGRRRR#move on really#is not hard i promise#but istg for all the drama i had the mental state of#please made the ship canon so people cna stfu#or with dolph there too so we csn have the fun polys#OR KILL THEM ALL SO WE DONT DISCUSS MORE SHIT XD#captain laserhawk#and if u go to try to argue with me ill just send to u a video of “touch grass” from youtube#cause im not arguing more than this once cause my time is more valuable
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youtube is experimenting with server side ads... the internet is actively hostile. why should i have to pay for the privilege to not be exposed to your shit moderation system. im constantly served homophobic political ads and cult religious shit, gambling is apparently too risky to show to kids but it's fine if the advertisers pay you, alcohol is great and fun and couldnt possibly cause someone to relapse, black and white one frame strobes are awesome, the real mr beast will give me $10k if i take this quick survey, and the young kids staying at my house get served TWO HOUR LONG ads because these vultures know the kids dont know how to skip. fuck you and fuck your website, im not paying money just because you cant do your damn jobs and actually keep this place safe
#relevant here bc if this isnt easy to block out i will straight up abandon youtube#im not giving myself constant headaches with these fucking horror movie ads that HAVE to use strobes all the time#im sick of alcohol and drugs and gambling#homophobes are allowed to tell me to kill myself but if a pro-gay ad gets dished out it's indoctrination#constantly get ads about the fucking border. about abortion. whatever talking point they have this week#im trying to watch mario can you leave me the fuck alone#chat#throwback to when tumblr mobile had that sirius xm ad that had the really bad strobe#i reported it every single time. took a few weeks but it eventually got vaporized#i can handle an ad or two but can they just be for like. candy or something. a cleaning product. idk something normal#why are these ads trying to force me into bad habits or scam me or make me kill everyone including myself#why cant i just watch a fucking coca cola commercial
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this is probably yet another issue that boils down to SBs state but I think mimic would have felt 100% better if they focused on the layers of security it has. like, mimic is just a rusty ass robot and has somehow survived this long and people refuse to try and kill it and trap it instead but right now it just seems frustrating bc it's a frail old robot. but I think if they would actually focus on how like, mimic KNOWS how fragile and vulnerable it is by itself so it created all those layers of security in the pizzaplex and glamrocks and vanny and rab to protect itself but keep doing what it was doing. I think thatd be so much more interesting if they framed more plots as stripping away that security instead of just "nobody has killed this thing yet and all its victims refuse to kill it for seemingly no reason"
#also if they would play into the AI glitchtrap part of mimic more and not old ass endoskeleton route#bc in hw1 glitchtrap is mimic so mimics program was the one they told to recreate old showtime procedures#so mimic recreated mismatched fnaf game lore and stuff in hw like it was told to do#and when it escaped the game it was still trying to recreate the games by killing as an afton persona#like thats so interesting to me#but they arent playing into that and are just showing mimic as a physical robot who can talk as other people thats rlly old#and like glitchtrap is a completely seperate character#someone on youtube in a theory vid said that glitchtrap was like the vanny to its vanessa and i think thats cool#like vanny was removed from vanessa and now glitchtrap was removed from mimic and killed in hw2#pandas.txt#thoughts#discourse#i saw someone say that the reaskn nobody tries to kill mimic is bc someone tried to burn it before but it didnt work because#'fire only works on possessed robots'#but like i dont think thats true man like mimic is made of metal and is just an endoskeleton science wont stop working bc its not possessed#by a spirit
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me, stupidly and weirdly resistant to listening to audio books vs reading a physical book for no real reason: man i wish there was a way to like, read a book while i crochet like i do with tv shows and movies and podcasts
#toy txt post#my reasons are irrational you dont need to try to talk me into it. i KNOW#its very silly of me#imagine how much reading i could get done. but alas. Feels Bad#even listening to a more. uh. Story type podcast or fiction like nightvale was a bit difficult to start for me. i like nightvale now i#listened. but i worry that is clocking in my brain as an Exception 😔 maybe it would be easier if i tried some nonfiction books? scary#i also struggle with single host podcasts apparently even tho im also ehhhh on the kind where the structure is the host Interviewing a#different person everytime? maybe it would be okay with a nonfiction audiobook tho cos it would be getting read by a narrator and not sound#so much like a guy ranting into a mic which makes me feel a little insane. altho propaganda doesnt necessarily always sound like a guy#ranting into a mic so idk. i could probably make it through if i can find a nice book about like. parasitic worms. i could tolerate#feeling like im falling into sigma male affirmations videos for worms i think. wormffirmations are allowed#*to clarify i dont listen to those but listening to better offline makes me feel like im morphing into the kinda guy who does and i hate it#which feels unfair cos he is RIGHT and the podcast is good but i need there to be like a cohost there to break the tension of the Ranting#sometimes he has guests on? but its not quite the same#i think the format i like best is either like 2 or 3 regular cohosts discussing things within a specific topic#OR. 1 host whos like infodumping to the other host who knows nothing about the subject. OR. 2 hosts info dumping to each other about#different aspects of the subject. OR. 1 host who brings on fun guests to infodump to them about a subject. and then obviously the subject#needs to intrigue me. ex. sawbones well theres your problem (I HATE THAT THIS ONE IS BEST EXPERIENCED ON YOUTUBE😭 I WANT THEM TO JUST DUMP#ALL THE SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST SOMEWHERE AND I CAN CHECK IN AND FOLLOW ALONG THAT WAY WITHOUT HAVING TO HAVE MY PHONE SCREEN ON THE#WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!! but. im listening for free so its unreasonable to demand more of them BUT ALSO I FEEL LIKE JUST COPYPASTING ALL OF THE#SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST ISNT THAT MUCH MORE EFFORT THAN EDITING A WHOLE YOUTUBE VIDEO? WAAAAAH. THEY DONT NEED TO BE TIMESTAMPED OR#ANYTHING JUST THROW EM IN ILL FIGURE IT OUTTTTTT#anyway. also more than 3 hosts is really pushing my ability to keep track of voices.#anyway: sawbones wtyp tpwky behind the bastards scam goddess#(which is true crime adjacent but focuses mainly on scams and isnt copaganda and laci is funny and cool)#common descent pod completely arbortrary maintenance phase if books could kill#deep sea podcast has more bringing ppl in to interview them about shit than i personally enjoy but i put up with it cos i do like the hosts#and the subject
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*smashes in like the Kool-Aid man*
PENDRAGON SIBLINGS YOU SAY????
I have. So many Feels. About Themst™
The complexity?? The layers?? The angst?? Hello??????
Their relationship is just So Much, because you are right, it's all tangled up in miscommunication and missed opportunities, and so many problems that can be sourced back to Uther "War Crimes" Pendragon, who wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it bit him on the ass.
If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.
Because it's the lonely childhoods, the shared grief, the friendship, the vulnerability, the fondness, the teasing, the envy, the jealousy, the almost romance, the protectiveness, the betrayal, the loss, the hurt, the refusal to let go and the desperate hanging on, and the love, the love, the love.
Indifference is the true opposite of love.
Hate is love that's gone rotten.
“If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.” oh fuck….
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK
WAIT HOLD ON WAIT LEMME PIGGYBACK ON THAT BESTIE @0hheytherebigbadwolf (tagging you bc it will be a couple days after you sent this ask)
(Also, for anyone wanting background context on what me and bestie are bouncing off on: voilà)
OK OK SO
we are all familiar with King Uther being the greatest (worst) dad of all time, correct? places such high expectations on his “only son and heir” whilst never officially acknowledging Morgana as his daughter until the very end?
F+ father of the year :)
he is not above sending his children into the dungeon if they disobey him as seen here:
(Jfc he even put Morgana in chains like wtf)
also, he is not above using emotional guilt towards them when he deems it necessary (aka one of the only times he actually acknowledges them as his children)
UTHER (1x02 Valiant) I trust you will make me proud.
UTHER (1x08 The Beginning of the End) I’ve treated you like a daughter. Is this how you repay me?
UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) You are the daughter I never had.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) You would believe a sorcerer’s lies over the word of your father?
not to mention that when Arthur or Morgana try to reason with him or argue with him since they are the only ones with the status to do so, he pulls rank
UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) May I remind you that you are speaking to your King [...] Take care, child, or I’ll have you restrained.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am your king and your father. You will show me some respect!
UTHER (2x06 Beauty and the Beast) We live in dangerous times, I cannot allow you to undermine my authority.
UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final.
ngl i could include more but i have already spent hours searching for shit (YOUTUBE WILL DIE BY MY HAND THAT STINGY BITC—) but y’all get what i mean: Uther is an abusive fucker and it has messed up the conditions of Arthur and Morgana
now, about the double edged blade…..
as previously established, Uther is a fucking dick and wants his children to obey him but also adore him. with this behavior, the Pendragon siblings react in two ways: with anger & contempt or submission and remorse
way #1
i’m gonna start with Morgana because anger is the easiest to pick out throughout the show. in the first episode of the first season, our introduction to Morgana’s character is her lecturing Uther about executing the man Merlin witnessed upon entering Camelot (such a warm welcome for Emrys, mh?)
MORGANA I just don't think chopping someone's head off is cause for a celebration. That poor mother. UTHER It was simple justice for what he'd done. MORGANA To whom? He practiced some magic, he didn't hurt anyone. UTHER You were not around twenty years ago, you have no idea what it was like. MORGANA How long are you going to keep punishing people for what happened then?
early on, it is easy to pick up on Morgana’s resentment and anger at Uther, who she believes is blinded by his fear of magic and his need for control (which she isn’t wrong about). also, we find that she isn’t one to back off when poking the bear (Uther). she does it constantly in seasons 1 & 2
MORGANA (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) Why would she kneel on a cold stone floor morning after morning when she could make these things happen with a snap of her fingers? Like an idle king!
MORGANA (1x08 The Beginning of the End) How can this child be your enemy? He's just a boy. UTHER He is a Druid. MORGANA Is that such a crime?…What have these people done to you? Why are you so full of hate?
UTHER (2x04 Lancelot and Guinevere) How many men would you have me sacrifice to save a servant? MORGANA As many as it takes!
to be honest, i wouldn’t be surprised if screaming, arguing and berating Uther about his morals and ethics is her way of proving that she is not weak or submissive to his actions. i mean, Morgana grew up in a household the complete opposite from her time in Camelot. Gorlois, the man whom Morgana considers to be her father and one and only family member, was said to be “just” and “kind” and someone that Uther even considered a good friend who openly kept him in check. Morgana, until the age of ten, understood parental love and empathy unlike Arthur, who spent his whole life without any good or healthy substance of it.
the culture of Camelot and Uther’s wrath is not something Morgana was ever able to fully acclimate to as Uther himself pointed out in 1x12. She “was at odds with [him] since the beginning” and could never picture herself as a Pendragon (point further proven in 4x05: she looked revolted when Queen Annis compared her to Uther) because she didn’t share in their idea of magic = evil and a king = absolute control.
ironic in terms of future plot events, isn’t it :’)
way #2
compare that to Arthur: man’s respressed af. keeps all his emotions under lock and key if they are anything but haughty and serious. y’all, Arthur even says it himself how he “[can't] disagree with Father [Uther] in public.” whenever Arthur finds himself at odds with Uther, he holds his tongue and waits until he can disobey secretly (2x05 when he leaves to rescue Gwen, 1x08 when he helps Morgana sneak out Mordred in the dark of the night, 2x08 when he sneaks out to meet Morgause for more info about his mom, etc). it is only the rare moments when Arthur feels impassioned enough to speak up without fearing any retribution does Arthur talk back at him (so satisfying 👌)
ARTHUR (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) [Morgana’s] right, Father. You hear the word magic, you no longer listen.
ARTHUR (2x08 Sins of the Father) This is what fuels your hatred for those who practice magic. Rather than blame yourself for what you did, you blame them….You hunted her kind like animals! How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?!….You speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!
ARTHUR (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You can't forbid my feelings any more than I can. I won't deny them any longer, I love her. I love Guinevere.
we can even compare how the two react to Uther’s violence towards them
(ahahahahahaaaaa what a wonderful dad)
on the left, you see Arthur’s face right when Uther crushes the morteus flower needed to heal Merlin (his manservant/friend/????) and on the right, is Morgana after Uther discovers she was harboring a Druid child in her chambers and she refuses to listen to his reason.
notice how both faces are remarkably similar 👀
however, Arthur’s look of shock and dismay come from his hope that Uther would do the right thing. that he would help save Merlin’s life from dying of poison. that he wouldn’t use this as a method to teach Arthur “what it means to disobey and cross the king.” he truly did hope, just like he always does with the people he holds close. Arthur cannot help but hope and trust that those close to him will not betray him and yet so many do. hence the remorse
looking at Morgana, her shock comes from the fact that this might be the first time Uther reacted to her words and actions in a physical manner. my suspicion is that most of the time, all Morgana previously got was Uther reprimanding her and yelling at her to stop questioning his methods (bc, let’s be real, she was the favorite child.) never has he lifted a finder on her like Arthur and i have proof (cue transcript!)
AND! and, Arthur is constantly warning Morgana about not angering Uther any further because of the consequences she might face (consequences this boy is very familiar with) when Uther deems it necessary to “teach” his children obedience.
UTHER (1x04 The Poisoned Chalice) You have to learn there's a right and a wrong way of doing things. I'll see you're let out in a week. Then you can find yourself another servant.
UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final [...] This is for your own good. - UTHER She will die. The enchantment will be broken. You'll see I was right.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am protecting you from your own foolishness!
so educational 🥰 but see, because Uther presents his punishments as lessons, Arthur himself views them as just a fucked up but meaningful way of his father’s concern because “yeah, I am the first born son and only heir to the throne. of course I need to learn not to do silly things like disobey, talk back to him, be my own person.” <- I’m paraphrasing here
Arthur does and has never seen a way out of the life thrust upon him by Uther (see 3x06). succeeding Uther as king, marrying a noblewoman of high standing for heirs and alliance strength was always expected of him. Arthur never saw a way out of this. even when he and Gwen were in their secret relationship phase, Arthur had to remind himself that this would never last. he loved her and knew she loved him, but there was always that reminder (that sounded a lot like Uther) in the back of his head telling him that it would never last so long as he was prince. he had a duty (constructed by Uther) to serve Camelot and going against his father would mean (in his eyes) that he is going against Camelot (as Uther always presented it to be).
so unlike Morgana, he did not kick and scream but stood firm because that was what he believed was stronger. if he stayed in his lane and did his part, then he would be a good king, maybe even a better one than his father, for Camelot. however, the show proves that differentiating himself from Uther actually made him the better king and more respected, but this is not the meta for that. I am getting side tracked.
OK: so we’ve established parental issues between the two siblings. now onto their very complex, complicated yet beloved dynamic
sO, as i mentioned in this post (because i am lazy and too tired to copy/paste the evidence from there), these siblings do care for one another. they just go about it in the most hilarious and repressed and in-denial way (hilarious to me 😤)
when we meet them, it’s established that these two have known each other for some time. enough for them to bicker and have banter, you know, as you do with a Pendragon. also, should add, neither character are ever aware they are blood-related until s3 (because of some weak-ass bitch named Uther), so you have that very, uh, interesting subplot in s1 that everybody forgets about until you rewatch it. (honestly, I have so many questions. number 1: why???? number 2: it’s only in s1—was it scrapped??? is it like it never existed???? what was its purpose to the plot??? bbc explain yourself—)
however, despite how much it is shown that they do care for one another, they’re relationship in s1 is still undefined and vague as if they also don’t know how to accurately define what the other means to them. it’s very similar to the whole “i really love this person so much but is what i’m feeling platonic, familial, or romantic?” because….you know, guy and girl besties who are close are typically expected to grow romantic feelings for each other, so tbh i would not be surprised if both mistook their love as romantically inclined in the beginning bc, reminder, neither of them were aware they were siblings until much later.
[and this is ALL i am saying on this subplot. i do not want to cause any negative discourse, so if anyone has a few choice words about it, either keep it to yourself or feel free to talk about it with people you know. personally? not a fan of the ship and never will be, but i am not here to post about that.]
anyway, have some featured receipts showing Arthur and Morgana slipping up and showing how much they care for each other.
SEE!!!! LOOK AT HOW THE CARE!!!! SEE HOW THEY WORRY FOR THE OTHER AND WISH TO PROTECT THEM FROM HARM!!! (and see how even when they’re on opposite sides there is still that same love. just more warped and corrupted T^T)
^worried/protective Morgana
^Arthur’s face after Merlin informs him that there’s an intruder heading to Morgana’s chambers
Morgana is very aware of Arthur’s trusting nature. Arthur is very aware of Morgana’s empathy and righteous nature. they understand each other so well which is why Morgana knew just how to harm Arthur in later seasons and why Morgana’s betrayal hit Arthur so hard. it’s also why he never stopped trying to reach out to her in s4 & s5. as @merlinemrys said in this lovely post, the show’s driving force is love. love of all kinds. whatever conflict it is, love is there at the center of it all and, in Arthur and Morgana’s case, it does not save them (just like how love does not save Merlin or Arthur from what lies ahead, as the op of the post pointed out).
that is what makes their relationship/love be like a double edged sword!! that is why they are edges of the same blade!!! they protect and fight for what they believe in and for the people they love, but the same blades cut deep and twist their wounds into a lasting scar.
it is because of Arthur’s love for Morgana that he cannot help but hope and mourn the woman he once knew. it is because of Morgana’s love for Arthur that her feelings of hatred are so strong and ugly.
like honestly,
look at them T^T compared to before
their relationship is so tragic T^T because we knew them before it all went wrong. we knew they cared and understood each other. we knew that for some time, they only had each other to rely on for a friend, a crutch, a breather for when the royal life was too much. both of them were fighters and strive to honor their values. both of them had once leaned on the other for support, had wanted nothing but happiness for each other.
fuck, they didn’t even get the chance to really be siblings because they found out too late, and by then Morgana was on a war path and Arthur only found out at the last minute.
like fuck, man
two sides of the same blade: forged with love, yet used for blood
screencaps brought to you by me, @sourdough-morbread, and farfarawaysite
#i will spare you the gorey details of me trying to fine decent screencaps & screenshots for this fucking post or else i’ll get pissed again#(i am considering whether it is worth it to go to war with youtube)#special thanks to my bestie mor for being there for me at the gorey times and helping me find more screenshots#fucking love you bestie 💕💕💕💕#also only including s1-2 bc i am tired and they are the ones where we get pendragon siblings not trying to kill each other#forgive me for always bringing up uther and the pendragon sibs’ upbringing with him it will happen again#also after hours of rereading transcripts and rewatching clips of bbc merlin: it is so obvious that uther cared and treated Morgana like hi#own child more than Arthur. like jfc he let’s her get away with so much stuff he is way for gentle with his words towards her#when he realizes that he was too cruel or rude like bro…..where tf was that for arthur#it just adds to the complicated sibling dynamic because there is the added jealousy and resentment of knowing a parent loved another more#literally most of Morgana’s time with Uther was her at odds with him and yet he views her as his child more#well no ducking dur that Arthur ‘i-would-do-anything-to-receive-my-father’s-love-attention-and-pride’ Pendragon resents Morgana for#always being the one Uther goes easier on and finds ways to turn a blind eye for like wtf#also during my research i was reminded of how done dirty Gwen’s story was by bbc#loses her father to a king fearful of magic barely gets to mourn him bc she now has to keep up the smithy and her maid job; reunites#with her brother who’s been AWOL for some years and still they don’t get a moment to talk about their dad and mourn TOGETHER#her storyline is pushed aside by s4 bc now she’s fulfilling the role of Arthur’s love interest and oh yeah they still need to incorporate#the lanceot/guinevere scandal and then banish her for some episodes without even letting her brother be mad about it like ?????#anyway#continued saga of fluffy rereading transcripts -> uther: ‘it’s been a long time since Ygraine…since anyone’ me: ducking liar >:(#[sir leon begins the slow clap] king you dropped this 👑IT IS 1AM HELP 😂#place your bets on where my laziness for evidence came in! (I honestly don’t know lol scavenging evidence is all a blur)#spent 2 days on this post lol#me: ok i think that’s enough evidence for this argument…………ok maybe ONE more won’t hur—#me after day 2: ….am i done???? am i free????#pendragon siblings coming behind me with a steel chair: nah mate!#me: FUCK THERE’S MORE#bbc merlin#merlin meta#pendragon sibs
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Ok, so I had this dream last night right? And it was mostly nonsensical and weird and silly, but there was this moment...
#ellennart#dream diary#fairy#dreams#pirate#I was the winged fairy girl at this point during a big battle#someone sliced me right down the front through my corset and dress#it was inspired I think by that fight in Zorro between Zorra and Elena#except NOT flirty dude was trying to kill me and sliced a wound down my chest#not super deep but still#and then this other guy#the one in the drawing#defected from the enemy side killed the other dude and very distressed tried to help me#which involved a very funny moment of him pulling my hands back to see the wound and realising my corset had been cut clean through#and us both getting extremely embarrassed and him pulling the corset back together and telling me to keep pressure on it#literally the most YA romantic comedy moment I've ever experienced#I think the main influences of this dream were that I recently watched a youtube reaction vid of someone watching Zorro for the first time#A drawing someone I follow did of that popular YA fae novel that I've never read#and looking at tangled concept art#and actually definitely the first aid course I did this week#because I remember them talking about how you need to cut clothing off someone to put the defib pads on their chest#and I was uncomfortable with the thought of someone having to do that to me#AND the fact I was paired with a cute guy I'd never met and we had to practice putting each other in the recovery position#which was SUPER awkward#so clearly my brain was like You know what would be fun? an even MORE awkward and painful scenario!#but make it fantasy!
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Social media is kinda twisted and it's scary to realize how it warps everything around it
#i think ive gotten pretty good at controlling my social media habits except the entire fact i log in in the first place#embarrassing...#im not even gonna lie i get scared deep down#of being alone and not having the small bit of interaction and going crazy 😧#i think my habit of going to sleep with YouTube comes from this (though i kicked this habit and i don't do it anymore)#I'm scared to be alone when i go to sleep bc i don't know what's even gonna happen tomorrow#so i try to stick to comfort which is listening to a person talk#its insane how much time i wasted on sns and it has given me nothing except anxiety and self hatred and shame and guilt#let's be real at the end of the day what awaits me if i turn off the internet would make most people want to kill themselves#welp#still i try to kick the habit (unsuccessful so far)
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Oh fuck me fuckme fuck me
#I'm going to start killing people#I need SLEEPY TYLENOL NOWWWWWWW#Mfer laying in bed for 8 hours full awake 🫠 eyes shut. Brain. ACTIVE#IM TRYING SO HARD TO SLEEP JUST BE UNCONSCIOUS#Too late now#Fuck me I have to be aware enough to not kill everybody in this vehicle#Mfing murder nightmare too what the fuck#Set the scene: YouTuber wedding#The man in charge of filming is an asshole to the minimum wage people working there#Like real mean. And one meek guy tries to tell the groom but the groom is kinda a dismissive asshole about it bc he's already paid the guy#So it's too late now. Meek guy keeps getting disrespected and storms out to the parking lot to just leave#Woman who has been witnessing this apparently is gonna kill on meek guys behalf. He does not want this#Woman gets into a fucked up death machine car and drives it into the groom#But not like. Runs him over. There's a fucking saw blade on the front that starts cutting through the bottom of his torso#He was screaming a lot. I'm not sure if he survived or not. But the atmosphere was not fun#Very muddy desaturated colors. Very wet and musty feeling. It was like almost a parking garage#I don't think I'll ever have a dream as scary as the um time-looping cannibal beach dream#But this was just the delightful cherry of not being able to sleep at fucking. ALL .#Literally cried I'm so distressed about not being able to control anything about myself rn#Hhhhh :(((#3rd night in a row I've slept like shit
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Music Ask Game
How many liked songs do you have?
How many playlists do you have?
What is your most niche playlist called?
What is the most embarrassing song in your liked songs?
Do you organize your likes/playlists?
What's your favorite playlist?
Most listened genre?
Least listened genre?
List your last 5 liked songs
List your first 5 liked songs
What was the last song you listened to?
What's your current favorite band?
What's your current favorite song?
How often do you delete liked songs? (Weekly, monthly, never, etc)
What song do you like in a genre you normally don't like?
How often do you try new bands/genres out?
How long is your longest playlist?
Do you listen to any instrumental only music? (Not necessarily classical)
What's more important, music or lyrics?
Do you listen to music while working/studying?
#ask game#v talks#not twilight#i miss how interactive the fandom used to be#also im trying to kill time at work#ask me things!#reblog!#music ask game#spotify#apple music#youtube music#music
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Ok I’m legitimately stoked about this new era of the Try Guys
#y’all brought ash perez on I am SO fucking happy#and the ‘don’t worry we’re not leaving YouTube’ thing just killed me#try guys#and I understand that yes bye Eugene but it’s been a long time coming and it’s not a bad thing
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hello!! I edited some of the lyrics to killed by angel, a new song by alice schach and the magic orchestra! I edited it to be more friendly to singing along and covers! (which, I haven’t seen any of their songs, surprisingly)
also this is the first time I’ve done something like this, so any (constructive, lol) criticism and advice is very appreciated!
youtube
the edited lyrics are under the cut!
Now spit out all your fears
Let’s become one
I’ll send nutrients to every corner
Of your starving cells
“I’m sick of your insane mirage”
Why? I’m telling the truth
Yet the strange doctrine tries to behead me
With a rusty red guillotine
“Everything about your existence annoys me”
As you wished,
I shouldn’t have been born into this fucking world
You pour your desires into the bag,
And when you no longer need it, it’s off to the trash bag
Soon to be crushed into the truck, it’s a awfully beautiful, beautiful fate
That’s right! it’s all because of this poorly managed brain
This is the culprit of all our suffering and pain,
Just collapse,
Just collapse already!
My poor little baby
Thrown into the darkness of rags
To bury such an ugly body
Follow the guidance of Heaven
“Even God will abandon you”
Inhaling the ecstatic helium, let me soar farther than the rainbow
Looking down upon all the flies, shaming them with a strong voice
You will never be able to touch me, the reborn me
#alice schach and the magic orchestra#alice schach#killed by angel#this didn’t take me that long surprsingly lol#but making the words somehow make sense and (trying) to rhyme took a bit of time#Youtube
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I hate that I'm home alone tonight and I have no idea what to watch
#i would watch emdt#but i'd need to connect my laptop to the tv cause i want to watch it on the tv as one does when they're home alone#any suggestion is welcome but also idk if i'll end up watching it or not#i would also play persona 5 royal if i wasn't stuck in the worst boss of the game (okumura) who has already killed me twice#so idk. maybe i'll watch youtube?#whatever. again any recommendation is welcome#i'll try to do the hdmi thing just in case tho i have no idea how it goes
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