#and actually definitely the first aid course I did this week

[egglygreg]

Ok, so I had this dream last night right? And it was mostly nonsensical and weird and silly, but there was this moment...

[hanaonesflower]

“let me do this for you.”

“let me get that for you.”

“don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”

when nanami was around, it was like being watched by a hawk. not in a bad way of course, just not a way you're probably used to. he is always on it, taking care of everything from beginning to end, hell bent on you not ever lifting a finger and actually bar you from doing it, even behind his back.

"seriously, kento, I can do it myself!"

"absolutely not, you worked all day, when you come home, I take care of you."

you try to bargain, dishing out facts that he, too, has a full time job that usually pushes him to the brink of exhaustion that he may or may not recover from, yet, here he is, elbows deep in dough, insistent on making pasta from scratch. according to a recipe that you may have briefly mentioned weeks ago that you wanted to try.

you tried to pick up the knife and dice the tomatoes or turn on the stove, he shoos you away.

"this is getting out of control, kento."

"you can help me by taking a nice warm long bath, honey."

nanami knows what he's doing, the majority of the time. but will he ever express that he fumbles from time to time? never. not that his ego is inflated, but because he has prided himself for being to care for you boundlessly.

so when you leave the bath and find kento with his hand in a bucket of ice water, you realize something have gone south in the kitchen.

"kento! what happened?!"

"nothing to worry about my l-"

"enough! tell me, now."

your stern voice and attitude stun him, he's never seen you like this before. his behavior is downright concerning, he hasn't always been this way though. sure, he loves by serving, but he isn't always this stubborn or ridiculously protective. you have always cooked together, why would it be different this time, or the last few times within the past couple of months. nanami isn't unreasonable, but he can be if something pricked at his pride.

"I may have burned myself with the hot steam."

"may have? your skin is having a terrible reaction! for a smart man you can be so clumsy sometimes."

"it's not that bad."

you glare.

"okay, it's pretty burnt and it hurts."

"I bet it does."

you slowly pull his hand out from the ice bucket and lead him to the kitchen table and command him to sit still when you fetch the first aid. his palm is raw from the burn and his face twists in pain when you apply some pressure.

there isn't much conversation exchanged between you and him, but something is definitely hanging above your heads. kento seems to be closed off to it, but you're willing to get to the root of things.

"you haven't been yourself lately."

silence.

"I feel like this is not just about providing for me, something happened, and it affected you."

kento looks saddened by this. you are spot on. something did happen.

a few months ago, during a dinner party amongst friends, kento found himself begrudgingly involved in unpleasant conversations with his colleagues, the way they audaciously questioned his ability to care for his partner when he was always away on work trips or spending extra time at work. he took it to heart, kento questioned himself. he realized, that even though his colleagues were terribly annoying and invasive, they made some considerable points. he made the executive decision to fully take over, spinning a complete 180 on you. at first you thought it was sweet, until it became authoritarian.

"that's really how you feel?"

"have I been absent to you, y/n?"

you contemplate for a while, you truly wish he is around more, but you always understand the nature of his job.

"I do wish I can see you more often, when you had that 2-week long vacation, I was able to spend such amazing quality time with you, and it was awesome, but I also understand how your job is. I didn't want to come in between that."

"so I have been absent." he moaned defeatedly.

"please don't blame it on yourself like this, it's not healthy, I still love you, kento."

"this is all my fault, y/n, I should have been there for you more."

truthfully, you wish he was, but once again, you are both stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"have you been doing all this to somehow compensate?"

"is it working?"

he is trying to humor you, although at quite a horrid time, you still crack a smile.

"I think it's very kind of you."

he sighs.

"please, forgive me, my love. I became what you called a workaholic, I tried to get more hours to provide for you, only to come short in other aspects."

"I'm not an unemployed housewife, kento."

“this isn’t my way of saying that you are incapacitated in any way, i just wish that you didn’t have to worry about anything,” he groaned from the incessant gnawing of the antiseptic on his burnt wound.

“kento, this is a partnership, you’re not my servant and i’m not a spoiled brat,” he felt a little silly, nanami knew this fact yet he felt impotent in this sense. he opened and closed his lips, hoping to get his point across even further but nothing seemed good enough at theis point, he’s done fighting.

“whatever you’re going to say, it’s not going to change the fact that i love you,” you silence him.

“then can i say that i love you, too?”

“that, you can.”

⭒˚‧ ︵‿⭒ཐིཋྀ ཐིཋྀ⭒‿︵ ‧˚⭒ ⭒˚‧ ︵‿⭒ཐིཋྀ ཐིཋྀ⭒‿︵ ‧˚⭒ ⭒˚‧

note: PHEEeewww… it’s really good to be back :33 this piece shall be the redebut as it is one of my cuter fics. going back with smut pieces after such a long hiatus didn’t feel right so – soft nanami is always the way to go!! more content will be coming soon (smut included >.>), stay tuned ( ˘ ³˘)

[reasonsforhope]

Btw, if you really just Need A Job (tm)

I'd really recommend looking into care work

Care work here is specifically being a home care aid, a care aid or assistant at any kind of residential home.

This for usually for elderly or disabled adults - and those are the ones that tend to be most entry level, from what I've seen, but also for mental health, addiction recovery etc. (With the obvious caveat that some of these jobs will be more emotionally intense than others)

I'm so serious about this guys. I was applying to jobs in care work for just three weeks, starting a couple days before Christmas, and in that time I got three interviews, two jobs offers, and five additional interview requests

Care work needs people CONSTANTLY

because it's a huge sector but very hard for them to keep staff long-term. Partly because it can be high burn-out, and there's definitely toxic places out there you should watch out for. And partly because a lot of people think care work is beneath them

AND they ACTUALLY MEAN IT when they say they're entry level. Because it's so hard for them to get staff that a lot of them will advertise super aggressively that they will train you themselves. A lot of them will straight up pay for your CPR and First Aid certifications, once they hire you, too (and you can get a leg up on applications by getting a CPR/First Aid certification for like. $30 to $80, at least in the US). They also accept experience taking care of elderly/disabled/etc. family members as real experience

Like, obviously don't do it if you hate taking care of people, but if you're open to it, it's probably by far your best shot of getting hired rn, statistically

(eta: Genuinely disclaimer that it can be super taxing emotionally and large portions of the industry are indeed fucked, and def don't take a job in this field if you're gonna be an asshole to the people you're caring for, but sometimes you just need whatever job you can get.)

Seriously, though, the first time I applied for a care work job (in October 2023, yes short timeline, like I said there's some toxic workplaces etc. out there), I applied to like ten or fifteen jobs over the course of a week or so. Within three weeks, I was working.

(And they did provide all of the training, fwiw)

If you need a job and no one is hiring, seriously consider looking into it

[servicpop]

CURRENTLY VIEWING : slightly obsessive deliquent oc x good student male!reader

「ㅤSFWㅤ」ㅤbandaging up your (almost) bf adrien after a bad fight!

✙ warnings — mention of violence / blood / slight homophobia / slight suggestions of stalking or obsession

notes ,, first actual writing post... hope you guys like it "

Adrien and you lived two worlds. You were a model student, perfect in every way, whereas Adrien was nothing but a deliquent who skipped all his classes and failed all of his subjects (except for sports). If you two were so different, how did you end up together?

It started with an exchange of glances when you both started your first year of being a senior, somehow your presence was never known by Adrien until that one glance turned into never ending eye-contact, briefly smiling at eachother as you two met eyes from across the courtyard. His heart felt like it was about to crumble whenever you smiled at him. Your lips, your perfectly imperfect teeth shining at him. He had definitely fallen for you.

But how would his friends feel if they knew he was crushing on another guy?

As much as he wanted to hide it he couldn't. Everytime he went home and sat down in his chair, he would be welcomed with your face in the form of printed pictures stored in his top drawer. He knew it was wrong but he couldn't help it, you were so attractive you reeled him in like a fish. But somehow. Somehow. You and him talked more and more, exchanged numbers, hung out a few times and even brushed hands once! Adrien for sure didn't wash his hand after that. You weren't confirmed to be dating but it sure seemed like it.

And that was the start of Adrien's fall for you.

It was around 5:00pm, the sun still shining brightly but casted a slight orange hue into the empty council room, indicating that sunset would near. You were currently in said room, sorting the books, cleaning the tables, finishing off the work your teachers assigned you because you were such a good student. Yeah it was nice for them to rely on you but to be honest, all you wanted to do was go home but alas you couldn't.

Almost as if the universe pitied your unbearable boredom, the door to the council room clicked opened. At first you thought it was a teacher, but turning around you met the deep eyes of Adrien. His soulless eyes bore into yours, his knuckles dripping with blood as he stumbled into the room, almost collapsing on the couch.

"Got into another fight," He grumbled, his deep sultry voice reverberated in the room. Shit, his voice was hot. Snapping out of your thoughts, you quickly rushed over to him, viewing his bloody and bruised knuckles. It looked bad. Probably from beating the shit out of someone but you wouldn't question it. After some rummaging around you finally found the first aid kit, clicking the white box open before kneeling down infront of Adrien, a small smirk plastered his face.

"You don't have to you know? I just wanted—" Adrien's voice was cut out by a sharp hiss as you applied the alcohol to his wounds.

"Let me be a good friend to you."

Ooh... friend? That hit Adrien straight to the gut

"I just wanted company."

"Then your not allowed to hold my hand with those bloody knuckles."

"..."

"please bandage my fingers."

A wholehearted chuckle left your throat as you fished out the puppy patterned bandages around his knuckles, making sure you kissed each and every knuckles after. Just to make sure that there was no lingering pain of course, not because you two were had something for eachother or anything. You looked up at Adrien to see a small smile on his face, he was always so serious looking and whenever he smiled it was usually the shit eating grin type of smile. You had only really grown closer with him for a few weeks now so... why were you already hooked on him?

"You lost in thought?" He asked, snapping you out of your little trance. You shook your head, and he brought your chin up to meet his in a light kiss, his calloused fingertips gripping your chin lightly while his other hand found solace in your own. It was something straight out of a romance movie, his warm fingers against yours, his lips against your soft ones in such a gentle kiss. You never knew deliquents could be this gentle. Pulling away you wiped your lips and tugged your hands from Adrien's. You weren't dating him. You can't do this. You turned your head a pout adorned your lips, "Don't just casually kiss me," you huffed.

"But I know you liked it." Adrien hummed.

extra notes ,, I didn't have a full goal for what relationship reader and Adrien would have but i really liked the enemies to lovers sort of denial trope. I also experimented with the colour coding of the text, I find it easier to identify when they're speaking but let me know your preferences! I'm a bit nervous posting this since its my first time ever posting on tumblr but yeah! Also no smut yet, still getting warmed up you know

[missadangel]

Little Bird in a Cage

Part 1: Operation Little Bird

---------------------------- All episodes here ------------------------

(Javier Peña x reader)

In this story, the reader is the daughter of the Colombian Defense Minister from Narcos season 3 and DEA agent Javier Peña has to kidnap her to protect her.

Rating: Mature, 18+

Word Count: 54,191 in total.

Warnings: falling in love, rough sex, smut, sex, mention about sex workers, cursing, alcohol, kidnapping, violence, gun violence, drugs, narcos, Cali cartels, unplanned pregnancy, fluffy, mention about pregnancy, bathtub sex, age gap (10-15 years)

Summary:  When I was writing this story, I wondered what it would be like to be kidnapped by Javier Peña. i wish lol

Notes:  English is not my native language so bear with me. hit me in comments if you like it so i can keep sharing. Enjoy!

Gif by azerytrobaz - reddit

-Prologue-

The night you turned 22 you met incredibly charming and mysterious man, and the first time you saw him your heart skipped a beat. Immediately the question came to your mind,

What if he’s the one?

That was your first mistake…

You will soon realized that he was Javier Peña,  former DEA agent - yes, former, because your father played a big role in getting him discharged - who has been sneaking up on you because of all the shit your father had done and was going to kidnap you to teach him a lesson. So that was the plan, at least for now.

From Javier's point of view, it wasn't the first time he'd seen you. He's been after your father for a while for aiding and abetting the Cali cartel. But because your father was Colombia's respected minister of defense, it was very difficult, close to impossible, to expose it. But on the other hand, you were his only weakness, which made you the only option.

"It's fuckin stupid, we'd better commit suicide..."

Javi grumbled while he's stalking you on the way your home.

That was the first time he saw you, you look like very happy with your friends returning from college, unaware that the man you would later love and hate so much was following you at the moment.

Of course, you didn't know about the shit your father was doing and you never did.

As Javi spy on you behind his sunglasses in a distance, all he could think about was how to approach you. You were young and quite beautiful that every man would want you easily. He was at least 10 years older than you and he usually spends his time after work in the brothel with prostitutes, he wasn't very good at approaching other women.

"She usually likes to hang out at a bar with her friends, that's good for you sir, that's your specialty." Chris said with a smirk standing next to him.

Javi rolled his eyes. "Let’s see."

The plan that Javi, the other two agents Chris and Daniel, and his buddy Steve -by providing support from Bogota- came up with was actually technically quite simple. Kidnap the minister's daughter, hold her for a while so that you can protect her from the Salazars, the archenemy of the Cali cartel, and others can't get to her. The CIA certainly didn't want to be involved in this plan because they had already taken Escobar. That's why it was actually very difficult. Javi was no longer an agent and he was not authorized to ask any support.

So he had to reluctantly go to Don Berna, knowing that he would definitely want something in return, of course. But Javi was doing it partly for himself, he wanted more than anything to go back to his days as an agent. And taking the cartel down.

They could kidnap you suddenly when your'e outside, but a conflict would be inevitable, and if gets out that Javi was involved in this, the positions of other agents could be in danger, and even if America's name would heard about the kidnapping of the minister's daughter incident, it could be very very bad.

That's why Javi was going to approach you as random guy, not as an agent. The first attempt was failed, because you were at home almost all week, and sometimes you went shopping, that's all. Also you were given ride by a car every-damn-time. Javi was getting more and more impatient wondering when he would find the right time.

Luckily, due to the information Javi received, the girl -you- has a birthday party tonight and you were going to be with your friends only. That night, he was primping his hair more than usual night, he was already very attractive with his bright brown eyes, slightly shaped hair, clean-shaven face except for his mustache.

He put his favorite perfume on his neck and a little on his black leather jacket too, then left the house.

The party was in the bar of an elite hotel. As Javi approached the crowd at the entrance of the big hotel, his phone rang. That was Chris, he was joking about whether he was going to put a bug in his jacket so they can eavesdrop on .

"Fuck off," he hissed and approached the entrance. It was not difficult for him to get in, pass the security etc., the main problem was what he was going to do inside. He sat down on a bar stool, had a drink and started spying around. He looking for you, and he almost spit out his drink when he noticed you, “Damn,” he gulped.

There you were, standing in front of him with all your beauty, the dress you were wearing left your back and shoulders exposed, also was quite short so he can see clearly your long and smooth legs, shining under colorful lighting. Your light brown hair, resembling chocolate, was layered long, cascades down your back, your makeup was not too much but the color of your lips was just—

"Great," Javi muttered. He almost forgot what he came here for. He tossed off his drink and observed a little more, just then someone -he thought was probably her ex boyfriend -approached you, and things got tense after an argument, luckily for Javi, you walked over to the bar stool. With an upset expression, you sat down next to him without noticing Javi who got excited for a moment realizing finally had opportunity to make a move.

“Is everything all right?"

You just took a sip of your drink and startled by this question.

When you turned your head that way, you saw him, and were immediately surprised how you didn't see him before, sitting on barstool next to you, because he wasn't one to go unnoticed, at that moment you felt that you entered the field of his attraction.

This stranger asked you sincerely, he seemed a little worried but much curious though.

Even  you were almost forgetting why the hell you’re upset about. Then you shook your head and come to your senses.

"Yes, I think so," you murmured without looking at him.

"It's just that some men can't handle being dumped," you sighed. Javi smiled flirtatiously, "If the person who dumped is a beautiful woman like you, I can’t imagine how though to handle."

When you heard his compliment, you felt your cheeks turn red, you couldn't take your eyes off his dark brown eyes for a while. You smiled and made a gesture like thanking him with the glass in your hand. Your friends came to check you on trying to convince you to go with them but you didn't want to go.

The music was loud, everyone were dancing madly but you didn't want to dance either. For some reason, it was more tempting for you to sit with this stranger.

"May I ask your name?" he asked.

"Y/N," you said immediately, your voice was like a silver bell ringing. "And your name is?"

Of course, Javi couldn't say his own name, he had to lie, and he said the first name that came to his mind.

"I'm Juan."

"Glad to meet you, Juan. You're not here for my party? why are you here?" you asked in a curious way.

"I think my date ditched on me tonight," he pouted his lips and smirked.

"Oh, it's too bad," you said sincerely, "Well, her loss."

"Do you think so?” he said, by raising his eyebrows. “That was very kind of you."

Oh god, those eyes you thought, feeling your heart pounding so fast.

‘Can you be my birthday present?’ you wished and smiled to yourself for naughty thoughts and hoped he didn’t notice that shit.

"Let me stay here if you want, the party is almost over anyway, you have no idea how happy I am to get another age," you said in a sarcastic voice, looking at your friends and rolling your eyes.

"Well, happy birthday then," said Juan (aka Javi), handing you his glass to toast.

After toasting your glass with him, you had a long conversation, you started to like him more and more, however it was quite late.

"Oh, it's almost 2 am," you said in a nervous voice, checking your watch.

"Juan, it was nice to know you, but I need to go home. My father is very strict. And he won't accept any excuses."

"Okay, I have no intention of getting beaten up by a girl's father, but let me take you home, because I’m afraid, all of your friends are gone so."

You immediately turned your head and looked around, he was right, there was no one left, well, you wondered how this happened so fast.

"We had a very long chat, ha?” you smiled hysterically.

“Si, I enjoyed every moment," he got up with triumphant joy and helped you to put your jacket on. How kind he was, you thought, when he helped you while putting your jacket on with his big hands and the smell of his perfume came to your nose, almost took your breath away.

It was fucking perfect.

--

"Actually, you can't give me a ride home," you said before leaving the hotel.

"My father always sends a private car to pick me up."

You sound was low because you've never liked that.

Javi quickly scanned the outside with his eyes, he didn't need your father's men to see him at all right now.

"Then will you give me a chance to see you again?" he asked quite willingly hoped it wasn't too much to ruin everything.

You didn't know what to say, usually you would never tell your father about their relationship because he kept grumbling unnecessarily.

But you wanted to see Juan again more than anything, you surprised even yourself with this eager attitude. What was happening to me like this? you thought.

Javi was waiting wanted you to say yes more than anything, time was running out. He wasn't sure if he'd ever get that close to you again. It should be done later this week.

"We just met, Juan," you suddenly said, “I'm not used to this, meaning this is the first time I've had such a chat with someone I met at the bar.” You didn’t want to look like easy.

“But I can give you my beeper number." you added, mischievously.

While you were typing in your number to part of paper, Javi was wondering if it was right time to kidnap you right now. But suddenly his eye caught the men standing outside next to the black car. They were probably waiting for you. He had to a give up, it was too risky.

"Here," handing him your number written on a paper.

"Good night," you said with a warm smile

"Good night," Javi answered in low tone looking the paper you just gave him.

Suddenly something came to your mind and you stopped for a moment, which made a big smile on your face. You immediately turned towards him, after you check the men waiting for you, one of them was coming towards you slowly, you had to be quick.

"Do you like painting?"

Javi was surprised.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I have an exhibition of paintings at the Muli museum on Friday at 8pm, maybe we can hang out afterwards."

Javi's brown eyes were shining with hope, he smiled at you so warmly.

"Ah, and the best part is, dad won't be there," you whispered, blinking at him, then you ran towards the car like the cinderella in a hurry for her carriage.

That was your second mistake…

Javi was happy, felt like he has won a victory.

"Can’t fucking wait, baby," he murmured with a smirk on his face .

----

“What the fuck?”

Opening your eyes in a place you've never seen before, trying to remember what you did last night, where you were, and how you got here.

Or by whom.

Your memory was starting to come back with a terrific headache. You were waiting for him in the art gallery of the museum, people were congratulating you for your exhibition and it was crowded. You were hoping for him to come, yes, him. The person who brought you here. He.

When you sit up in bed, you realize that you remember everything.

Juan brought you a bouquet of flowers, visited your exhibition, praised the paintings you made, and then offered to have dinner outside, everything has been great so far. Until when he asked if you wanted you to go to his house after dinner, and you said yes.

Well, that was your third and last mistake.

-----

While the two of you were driving towards his house-at least while you were hoping so- he brought you to a large area, somewhere like a helicopter field.

You got out of the car and looked around try to understand what the heck is this, but before you even turned around to ask him, You felt your consciousness go away with a sharp smell coming from a rag which he was holding his palm pressing to your nose. The last thing you remember is that a helicopter was approaching in the distance.

Suddenly, your heart started beating very fast, you pressed your hand to your chest, feeling make a fool of  hit you very hard.

You immediately stood up to look out of the window. Everything was dark outside, the only visible things were the forest-like trees that made it impossible to see the sky and the weak lighting that surrounded the house where you are now. There were iron bars outside the window, like a prison. Anger and a feeling of being cheated began to take over your body. You turned your eyes to the room and hastily reviewed it, but there was nothing useful, your body wanted to leave here immediately, your survival instinct wanted to find a way out.

"She's awake,” you heard a voice from behind the door almost whispering.

You were suddenly startled by the opening of the door, but at the same time you went into defensive mode.

He was the one who came in.

The first thing that came to your mind to take small lamp on bedside table and throw at him. Juan was fast, he flinched reflexively, then he carefully and  slowly approached you.

"Please listen to me, I'm not going to hurt you, let me talk."

"Who the fuck are you? What do you want, why are you brought me here?”

Javi then put his hands on his waist trying to find correct explanation.

“Answer me!” you yelled at him.

"Fuck, baby I know you’re surprised as hell but listen, I am Javier Peña. Former DEA agent, the reason I brought you here is to protect you only, please believe me."

"Is it so?" you asked in a sarcastic way.

You moved back and picked up a pillow this time and threw it at him again.

"Fuck off!"

Javi grabbed the pillow and sighed deeply.

He brushed his hair back with his other hand, which fell on his face when the pillow hit, and then he approached you, there was no place left for you to step back so just standing there.

Without taking his eyes off you, he threw the pillow on the bed. His eyes were deep and serious this time.

"I'm telling you the truth, I guess you don't know about your father's shit with the Cali cartel. I don't blame you. But it was only a matter of time before the cartel's enemies used you to harm your father, so I had to take you here."

"And you saved me? What, am I supposed to say thank you or something? Yeah, fuck you very much!"

He rubs his head, didn’t know what to say.

"You should have a dog in the hunt, right?” you asked suddenly, trying to find a way to get closer to the door.

Javi sighed and sit on small couch near the door.

"I lost my job because of your father, I'm not an agent anymore. Beside- wait!"

When you run towards the door in a quick move, he grabbed you from behind easily.

"Let me go," you cried. You were struggling to get out of his strong arms.

"Don’t be silly Y/N, have you ever thought about where you're going. There are soldiers outside, guards, and we're not in Cali anymore."

Suddenly you stopped fluttering, Javi hadn't pulled his arms out, he couldn't figure out what to do. But when he saw the sad expression on your face, he let you go.

"What do you want from me exactly?" you asked, your tone was no longer angry, yet desperate.

Javi grabbed your shoulders softly and looked into your eyes with his bright brown eyes.

"I want you to stay here until we capture the Cali cartel, we’ll do whatever you want or need, no harm will come to you, I promise."

"You mean, until you get your job back.”

Javi's touch by shoulders hurt you more, you pushed his hands away and he was avoiding reply and you both knew it meant yes.

"I want to talk to my father," you said after a short silence.

"No fucking way, I'm sorry."

"You were going to do whatever I wanted, you said so," you frowned.

"Everything except that," said with half smile.

His smile made you even more angry.

"Look, why don't you get some rest, stay alone for a while, we'll be downstairs when you need us."

You didn't answer, you were looking out of the window with hands crossed.

"Was it all part of this game?" you asked Javi who was about leaving the room but playing with door handle.

"I mean your interest in me," you explained, "It was all a lie, wasn't it? You approached me because of my father, didn't you?" looking at him this time.

"Get some rest, please" he said again, slowly closed the door, left the room.

You couldn't hold back your tears anymore and you let them flow and fell asleep while murmuring.

"How stupid I am.”

-------

The days were passing, and every time you were a hostage, you started to get more bored, you hated the feeling of uncertainty and detention.

And when you looked out of the window in your room and see the same things every day, it didn't help to make that feeling go away. Mercenaries, soldiers or whoever they are, they sprinting as group every day for training, changing shifts on duty, and this goes on until it gets dark.

Javi and others visiting you to ask what you needed and to bring food and drink only.

But you didn’t see Javi for two days. Even though he came anyway, he didn't talk much.

Maybe because you beg him for to get you out of there everytime he comes by, who knows. And one day the worst thing happened for you. Chris ran into the room at lightning speed because you screamed very loudly.

"Are you all right, senorita?"

Javi was in a meeting with the commander of the soldiers and Don Berna at the time. The meeting was about to end when his own name was called. He frowned, put out his cigarette and left the office.

"What now," he hissed.

He ran up the stairs, getting worried.

"What the fuck is going on here?" he asked curiously. Saw Daniel and Chris waiting outside of the bathroom door.

“Señorita has a problem, we didn't get it, sir."

Javi gestured his hands for them to step aside and grabbed door handle wanted to check but-

"Y/N are you all right? What-"

"Don't you dare come in!!!" you shouted quite loudly.

"Okay, can you tell me what happened, por favor?"

"Look, I need clean clothes to change and, the, that thing," your voice was cracking.

Three men in the room looked at each other confused as hell, they had no idea. Javi approached the door softly again.

"To what, cariño?" his voice so soft too but it only made you more angry.

"Just the fucking girly thing," you scolded him.

"Never came to your little minds of yours, when you were kidnapping a girl, ha? Idiots!"

Javi felt so embarrassed when he realized, he bit his lip and ruffled his hair with his hand.

"I'll find you what you want, I promise, you hang in there a little longer, okay?" almost begging.

Daniel and Chris giggled each other.

"Stop it and think about how we will find it." Javi snarled.

"The market near here is at least 50 km away, sir."

“Fuck.”

"What about the female soldiers? I've seen one, no harm to ask her, right?"

Javi nodded.

"You two stay here.”

“Hurry up!!!” you shouted again.

When he get out of the building, Don Berna and the others were there.

"Hey amigo, is there any women among soldiers? I need to talk to her right now."

"Peña," Berna laughed roughly.

"If you need a hooker, just tell me. Anton will take you. I wouldn't recommend approaching female soldiers with that intention. If you know what I mean."

He laughed so hard that the cigar in his mouth almost felling to the floor.

"Fuckin hilarious.” Javi snorted.

----

You were in a lot of pain and the bleeding couldn't stop.

You had no choice but to trust Javi and wait. When you were about to faint, you heard the door open, and immediately after, a woman's voice came to your ear.

"I'll take it from here, gentlemen," she said confidently.

You were almost relieved when you saw a woman in uniform in front of you. She brought clean clothes and tampons, also helped you to change, and now you were dying to get out of fucking bathroom.

"Thank you, really," you said sincerely.

"No problem, señorita," she smiled and left the room, but Javi has entered before the door was closed.

"Are you feeling better?"

Suddenly you felt your cheeks turn red.

"Yes, thank you," you said, avoiding to make eye contact with him.

“Don’t thank me, just be okay,” he muttered and left the room.

You wanted to say more but couldn’t. Feeling abandoned because he left you in the room alone, but because you were so tired to think over. So you preferred to go to the bed and lay down.

-----

---------------------------- All episodes here ------------------------

[fictionalsownme]

"Touch" | season 6 ! keigo takami x reader | WIP BLURB

Hiya! So I've noticed recently that I almost never post my writing on here, even though I write all the time. I'm just so easily distracted I almost never finish things, but I thought I'd start sharing what I do have so some of these little bits can see the light of day hehe :) here's a bit a wrote about how hawks' and the reader's dynamic might shift after his burn and after his personality changes a bit!

disclaimer: this blurb is unedited and unfinished. just wanted to share some WIPs! Enjoy!

Recently, Hawks— Keigo— had been touching you even more than normal.

You would say he’s finding excuses for physical contact, but there’s not even reasons most of the time.

It’d been about a week since you started riding around with him, Jeanist, and Endeavor. All Might, Deku, and some other pros were part of the efforts, too.

Being a civilian, you knew you brought them more risk than aide, but you weren’t totally useless. And now Hawks— now Keigo— insisted on you being by his side.

It’s not as if you and him had never touched before. In the year you’d known him and worked for him, the two of you had actually gotten really close. And when his name was revealed to the public, he asked you to start calling him that all the time.

No one else, just you. It was taking some getting used to.

It wasn’t long after that the touching started. The near constant physical contact.

A steady hand at your back seemed to be his favorite. But there were other motions too. Touching your arm, playing absently with the edge of your jacket, nudging his shoe with yours. Even just keeping you within arms length seemed to be a must.

Not that you didn’t like it. You definitely did. Each touch was so warm and protective, it made you lightheaded. And in these times… any comfort was a blessing.

You figured that’s why he’d been doing it. Just basic coping, nothing more. You understood. Before all this mess, before he’d been burned, you had always been the first to offer hugs and reassurances. You’d even held hands once or twice. Platonically, of course. But nothing like this.

It wasn’t just the physical nature of your relationship changing, either.

He had this air about him when you were near. It simmered when he talked to you, when he touched you or looked in your eyes. An almost… protectiveness. Possessive.

It was the same with his name. He hadn’t asked a single other person to call him Keigo, and no one did. Except you. And he was adamant about it.

You were flattered, and happy to do this for him. But you were a bit embarrassed to admit that you’d been struggling to adjust. You kept using his hero name by mistake. At first he’d just corrected you with an unreadable expression, then started to tease you about it, but now he’d resorted to waiting until you got it right to respond at all. Even though he’d hadn’t been as outwardly playful since he’d been burned, you knew he wasn’t actually mad at you or anything. Another change you understood. He was being more authentic to who he was. More reserved and quiet and thinking. Again, an adjustment to be sure, but you were happy.

You didn’t mind this slightly new dynamic. In fact, you were hopelessly in danger of falling even more in love with him than you already were, the poor man.

You swore that if he slid his palm over the expanse of your back one more time, tenderly whispered your name like that, gave you instructions with a warm, grounding touch… you were going to lose it and confess on the spot.

You stumbled when one of the incapacitated villains stuck their foot out to trip you as you walked past. You glared at him. Tied, gagged, beat up, and still trying to cause shit.

You kicked at his foot.

“Come stand over here,” called Hawks’— fuck, Keigo’s— still slightly raspy voice.

You gave the villain one more stink eye, and came to stand next to where Keigo was leaning against the car. His hand went to your back immediately. Warm even through his glove and your sweater.

It truly concerned you how normal that was starting to feel. How disarming.

He gently rubbed your back with his thumb, his palm flat against your spine, waiting silently for Jeanist and Endeavor to come back with instructions for the goons.

The feeling of his hand… strong and grounding like an anchor… your eyes slid closed after only a few moments.

Like you said, lately comfort was desperately needed and hard to come by. You kept your back straight, clutching your bag to your chest, savoring the feeling of your best friend. There to keep you safe.

When your eyes opened, they slid over to him on instinct. He was watching you.

You cheeks flared but you kept his gaze. He wasn’t… anything really. Not happy or upset or surprised. He just looked back at you, his hand still against you.

God you swore… sometimes you were so ridiculously close to just grabbing him by the stupid jacket and kissing him senseless. Just to feel it, to feel him, to see what he would do. To see if it would really ruin your life like you told yourself it would.

This somewhat new side of him was intriguing to say the least. Not afraid of silence, of a blank expression, of showing he was thinking. Before his burn and the collapse of society, his training kept his expression in a claustrophobic range of cock-sure grin to open laughter. The only exception was when he was squaring off against villains, or simply too tired to mask himself properly. The later was still rare, however. He only ever willingly stopped presenting when the two of you were alone, and you were proud to say you’d gotten very good at seeing beneath it all.

But things were different now. He didn’t bother to hide. As his friend, it was a breath of fresh air, and it was nice to see no one else seemed to mind either. He still laughed and smiled and made stupid quips. But he didn’t bother to be someone he wasn't.

But he’d been changing too, inside. Everyone had. Less hero and more man. Maybe that’s why he’d asked you to start using his name.

[sunflowerrosewood]

Take a Bullet For You ~ Mafia! Bucky Barnes

Author's Note: Since my other account @cheekyredwillow got deleted. I am adding some of my favorite fanfictions to this account and revamping this one with new ones. I hope to make an actual list of fandoms I am still a fan of! NO requests for the time being.

On to the one shot! This is a mafia alternative universe

You just moved into the New York area to open your coffee shop under your apartment. You knew it was insane to move into an area where one of the roughest mafia gangs resided. The big mafia leader was named James Barnes nicknamed Bucky the Sniper. You knew all of this but continued to move in and set up shop. You didn’t think he was near. 

While you were moving in, Bucky was watching from across the street with his right hand man, Steve. From what he gathered was that you were just a coffee shop owner but he still was intrigued you picked a shitty neighborhood. You seemed confident even though most of your customers would be his mafia. 

“Why are we watching her?” Steve asked. “She’s not important to what we need done.”

“She’s interesting.” Bucky said. 

“Oh no! Don’t get all lovey dovey on me. She wouldn’t walk two seconds in our direction.” Steve snapped.

You continued to set shop up so you could open in the next few days. You opened the shop two days later and a bulky gruff man was your customer. You figured you’d see sketchy people but not the head of the mafia game. He was wearing all black. Combat boots, leather jacket, tighter jeans. 

“Good morning. How may I help you?” You asked, feeling a bit of nervousness settling in. 

“Just a cup of black coffee with a spoonful of sugar ma’am.” He said as he put a $20 on the counter. 

“Okay let me get your change.”

“Wait. Just keep it. You’re new, arntcha?” The guy said. 

“Just moved in a few days ago. I’m Y/n. You must be Bucky the Sniper?” You said putting two and two together.

“You’re not scared?” He asked. 

“At first. But you haven’t done anything to make me think worse of you.” You mentioned before pouring his cup of coffee. 

“You’re definitely different. Not in a bad way of course.” Bucky said nonchalantly before taking his cup to leave. “I’ll be around Y/n.”

You watched Bucky leave the coffee shop. You knew from this moment that nothing would be the same. You did not think you’d meet the mafia leader so soon but c’est la vie I guess. 

But you did not know that you had infiltrated Bucky’s head. For some reason he couldn’t get your e/c eyes filled with wonder. He couldn’t help it. Something about you attracted him. He would tell the rest of the mafia to protect you. 

You wouldn’t notice this in the week. An opposing mafia team tried to kidnap you but before they could even act, Bucky’s mafia members got rid of them. What did make you question is a guy asked for your number at the shop within the same week and never called back. But Bucky was always your first and last customer. 

It had been a week since this and it was a Thursday night. You were closing up shop when Bucky came in groaning. 

“Oh Bucky, I was wondering when y- what happened to you?” You yelled as you heard a few more gunshots. 

A blonde haired guy and a dark skinned guy came in. They were panting. The blondie looked at you. 

“Do you know first aid?” He asked. 

“I d-do.” You stuttered. 

“Then get to work.” He snapped. 

“Steve, quit scar-scaring her.  Just focus on protecting us.” Bucky coughed. 

“Bucky is right. She knows what to do. That other mafia will be here shortly.” The dark skinned guy snapped. 

“Sam, have any of the others called?” Steve asked. 

You quickly ran to the back to grab the first aid kit. As you ran back, Steve and Sam were outside with a few others. Gunshots rang out as you sat by Bucky’s side. 

“I need to remove your shirt.” You said softly. 

“Already undressing me sweetheart.” Bucky drawled out but took off his shirt. 

“Oh shut it.” You snapped but chuckled a bit. 

“Good. Keep that smile. I’ll be okay with you.” Bucky said as he placed his hand on your thigh. “After this, we are going to finally have that date.” 

“Wh-what?!” You exclaimed before washing his wound. 

“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice my affections.” Bucky teased as you pulled the bullet out that was lodged into his side. “Warn me next time!”

“How about not throwing surprises out?” You said as you grabbed the disinfectant. “Okay this will sting.” 

Bucky hissed for a minute as you continued to clean. The gunshots slowed down and finally stopped. You helped Bucky sit up as Steve and Sam came back in. 

“We told the others to go home. Do you want us to stay?” Steve asked. 

“I’ll be better shortly. I still have to discuss some things with Y/n.” Bucky said as Sam cackled. 

“Are you going to quit acting like a lovesick puppy?” Sam cackled. “Hell that bullet was suppose to hit her but you got in the way.”

“What?” You exclaimed. 

“I guess that’s our cue to leave.” Steve said as he was pushing Sam out the door. 

“So when were you going to tell me that?” You questioned as Bucky shakily stood up. He laughed softly as you saw a warm blush appear on his face. 

“I guess I should explain that.” Bucky said. “I was trying not to fall for you. But when I did, the other mafias saw you as a toy or token to me.”

“So you just decided to take the bullet?” 

“Aren’t we forgetting the whole “taking you on a date”? I would take any bullet for you to be safe. I have fallen for you.” Bucky explained as your face flushed with heat. 

Bucky pulled you into his arms and kissed your cheek. You smiled at him and squeezed his neck for a hug.

“After you heal, you can take me on that date anytime.” You said as you felt him squeeze back. 

You felt Bucky chuckle against the hold. You two broke the hug and Bucky began to leave. You felt a piece of paper in your back pocket. It was his number but before you could say anything, Bucky had left. 

[lets-try-some-writing]

Blind starscream au, everyone forgets that he's blind until he points that out, cue the awkwardness

More blind Starscream, heck yeah. I love this mech so much, especially when he just does not give a frag.

Forgetfulness

Megatron

The first time it happened on earth, Megatron was issuing orders as usual and was looking over a map of the battlefield not recalling that Starscream was literally unable to see it.

Megatron: *pointing to the map* We will strike here! Starscream will lead the assault!

Starscream: *sarcastically* Ah yes, I can definitely see where exactly I am to attack, obviously.

Megatron: *silently sending starscream a set of coordinates over comm link instead* You have your orders, get going!

They didn't talk for a week after that incident. Megatron was too embarrassed at his blunder to even try to make amends and so just avoided the seeker.

Soundwave

As a general rule, Soundwave and Starscream don't interact. But the singular time Soundwave seemed to forget that the seeker couldn't see was something that stuck in both their memories. They had run into each other in the halls and Soundwave had suddenly stopped Starscream from continuing, gesturing to a sign that specifically pointed toward the area being off limits.

Soundwave: *gesturing with a nod and his cables toward the sign that says "keep out"*

Starscream: *irritated* Use words Soundwave. I am no psychic.

Soundwave: ...

Soundwave silently sent Starscream the warning over a comm link before walking away without a word. He would never admit his blunder to anyone.

Knockout

The Decepticon medic was in the middle of working on a Vehicon while he was gossiping with Starscream when he asked for the seeker to pass him a tool. Starscream of course gave him a look that quickly make Knockout realize his error.

Knockout: That sounds dreadful! Could you be a dear and pass me that scalpel?

Starscream: Ah yes, I will certainly pass you the small item that I can most definably see.

Knockout: ... My apologies.

They continued chatting as it nothing happened but Knockout screamed internally afterwards.

Breakdown

Normally Breakdown is very aware of Starscream's blindness and takes extra care to not mention it while still accommodating it. However on one occasion where Starscream's sensors were out of commission, he straight up forgot about the seeker's disablement.

Breakdown: *throwing a lob ball at starscream* Catch!

Starscream: *proceeds to get hit and fall flat on his face*

Breakdown: *softly* Scrap.

Breakdown went to Knockout with several scratches and a blaster burn later that day and he never forgot that moment, often having it come back to haunt him late at night.

Shockwave

Shockwave never actually forgot that Starscream was blind, he just didn't care and wanted to watch the seeker seethe while he tried to figure out how to find the thing he was asked to get.

Shockwave: Starscream, I require the third smallest beaker.

Starscream: Ah yes one moment, I will get it once I get my sight back.

Shockwave: Starscream, I require it immediately.

Starscream: *pointing to his lightless optics* How am I supposed to find it you slagger?!

Shockwave: You are resourceful, I am sure you will succeed without aid.

Starscream spent forty minutes trying to find the beaker. He never found it and resents Shockwave to this day.

Optimus Prime

It wasn't really that Optimus forgot, more like he simply used the wrong phraseology.

Optimus: Can't you see all the harm you are doing?! Starscream: No actually.

Optimus: *staring blankly for a moment* ... Allow me to rephrase. Do you not feel anything for the harm you are doing?

It was slightly awkward and Starscream has occasionally mocked Optimus for it since.

Ratchet

While doing a repair for Starscream, Ratchet temporarily forgot that Starscream literally could not see how bad his injuries were.

Ratchet: How in the pits did you do this? A gash of this size...

Starscream: It's that bad?

Ratchet: Yes! Can you not see-! Oh...

Starscream and Ratchet both coughed awkwardly after the fact and neither have spoken a word on the subject. Although on the odd occasion where Ratchet is feeling a little evil, he will exclaim something about Starscream having a bomb stuck to him during battle, temporarily causing the seeker to flail.

Arcee

Her situation was less awkward and more angering than anything else. She was in the middle of confronting Starscream for the death of Cliffjumper when she made a slight blunder.

Arcee: You killed him! Did the sight of his spark puttering out not cause you to feel any remorse!

Starscream: I didn't see it, so no.

Arcee: Why you little-!

Starscream was only barely saved from having the life beaten out of him by the team and he has since been careful around Arcee for fear of angering her further.

Bulkhead

He was in the middle of battle and trying to find a way to disorient Starscream when he messed up a bit.

Bulkhead: *tossing dirt at starscream to try and blind him* Take that!

Starscream: *unphased but a little irritated* How cute.

Bulkhead: *remembering* Oh fra-!

Simply put, he returned to base far more singed than he would have otherwise liked.

Bumblebee

While Starscream was a prisoner of the Autobots, the seeker's wings, and therefore his sight was put out of commission. And forgetting this, Bumblebee led the seeker straight into banging his helm against a doorway.

Bumblebee: *in binary* This way.

Starscream: *walks straight into the top of the doorway, hitting it with a nasty thunk* FRAG!

Bumblebee: *internally screaming at himself*

Bumblebee never forgot that particular blunder and he has since taken care with other prisoners to ensure the same thing doesn't happen twice.

[shadow-laviko]

What do you think about hellxander,,

Oh BOY. Maaan, we are not ready.

Spoilers for the end of Rain Code of course.

Oh yeah, also, I'm sick so my brain is not working very properly right now, so I might make a lot of mistakes. Sorry for that.

I've started liking (and even just basically hearing about) Hellxander for a bit more than a week now, and, oh boy, do I love them.

At first I didn't really think much of the ship (mostly because I'm terrified of zombie and the first time I saw Fake Zombie Zilch, I was mostly trying to survive rather than appreciating his love for Yomi), but since I replayed the game and saw it on tumblr... Oh boy.

I don't even know where to start from... Well, I started writing a fanfic about them almost right after discovering the ship, so I think that shows how much I love them?

Like, it's my favourite ship from Rain Code. And from veeeeery far. At first I liked Makoto x Yomi (and still do), because they have a funny and interesting dynamic and potential for fluff (because if you can't allow yourself to be weak even in front of your ennemy who already hates you and finds you weak, when could you?), and, I can't stop thinking that Makoto does not hate Yomi and could genuinely develop some kind of relationship with him.

Anyway, back to Hellxander... The ship surpasses Yomi x Makoto because... HAVE YOU SEEN AIDE (that's how most people call him, right? That word is so funny to me) ACTING TOWARDS YOMI??? I mean, ok, sure, "Yomi" was actually Yuma. BUT STILL. Aide believe it was Yomi, and seemed so happy to talk to him. I swear everyone could have seen a tail wagging during this "scene". Like, COME ON. There's no way Aide wasn’t in love with Yomi. Sure, he might have hidden it when he was alive (although I headcanon him fanboying like crazy and twirling his hair in his mind everytime he was talking with Yomi), but he was definitely in love.

That and, he seems so obediant to Yomi that there's no way Yomi would have hated him or punished him for anything other than fun! And, I'm sure if he had ever punished Aide, Yomi would have been very gentle with him, because he needed his right hand man to not be too damaged to work properly.

And, do you really think Yomi would remain impassive to someone who obeys him, adores him and the likes? There's no way. Yomi would have at the very least considered him a friend, or someone he could agree not to hurt too much.

MOREOVER, can you imagine Yomi being weak with someone else than his right hand man who is here exactly because Yomi isn’t strong enough to take care of everything by himself?? If someone can escape alive after seeing Yomi weak, it's 🦆in Aide.

AND THE ANGST!! DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE ANGST?! I LIVE FOR THAT CRAP! There's never enough angst/no comfort for me. I eat it, I write it, I dream it and I cry it (does that even make sense??), give me all of your angst, I'll devour that crap. Anyway. Maan, the angst potential for these two is through the roof! Imagine the pain Yomi felt after hearing about the death of Aide. Man must have devastated and tried to keep his composure. I honestly think (headcanon time ?) that Yomi was so dead set on catching Yuma/punishing his subordinate failures because of Aide's death.

Also, not only did he had to accept his death, he also had to accept that actually "All previously dead inhabitant of Kanai Ward are not exactly dead per se, but rather, mindless zombies that might not recognises you, even if you were the best of friends or lovers". That's worse than death!

VCsiCaihs

I love them so much. So so much. There's not enough words, no matter which language I'd use, to describe how much I love them.

As for headcanons regarding those two... I did mention some, previously, so, do I still have any in reserve?

Oh yeah

Uh

Huh. Might be kinda ("kinda"??) nsfw so uh, yeah.

I think Aide loves Yomi so much that just thinking about him turns him on, and is sometimes enough to make him ejaculate

Aide hates Seth because the man is too close to Yomi AND is (according to him) useless or too pathetic. That being said, he doesn't care about the other Peace Keepers because they are useful and not that close to Yomi. As for Martina... He is jealous of her, but she does a good work and Yomi seems to have fun with her, so he can't say anything.

Aide always seem to know when Yomi will have a nightmare and stalks his house/appartment whenever he sense it, just in case he could do something to help him. (Does Yomi know about it? I have no clue)

As for kinks... Man, I tried looking through a LOT of kink lists, and yet, the one I have in mind seem to be too specific and have no name... So I guess I will not say it. I think Aide would be fine with anything, as long as Yomi is happy anyway.

As for Yomi... Hm... I do have a lot of headcanons, but not directly/really related to Aide, so I'll keep them for later I guess?

I mean, I do have some other ideas related to Yomi and Aide, but those are most of fanfic ideas than really headcanons, so hm.

I think I said everything I had in mind regarding them? If not I guess I'll update it or reblog it, we'll see (What's best?).

OH AND PLEASE

If you have any fics or fanarts of Hellxander to share, please, send them to me. I will eat them all. Even if I already know about it. Nomnomnom.

Oh wait, I almost forgot. Thanks a lot for the ask!!

[bookwormwolf]

In honour of it being Eli Vanto's birthday a couple days ago, and mine a week ago, I present ✨️birthday thranto✨️. Fem! Eli (also posted on ao3 under bookwormwolf, I also have a lot of fem! Kallus Kalluzeb fics over there too 🫶🏼)

It's Eli's birthday and she's drunk. Self indulgent (fem) Eli Thranto fic as it was my birthday last week!! Also, Thrawn is giving sugar daddy vibes. Like think Dante Russo in King of Wrath. Also her full name is Eliana, but she mostly just goes by Eli. I don't apologise for the smut at the end. Please don't judge me, lmao. Also I wrote this playing my Thranto playlist on repeat, especially Dress (Taylor Swift), Shameless (Camilla Cabello), and 3.15 Breath (Russ, orchestra version).

...

It was Eli's lifeday. She'd spent the afternoon with Thrawn, on leave in Coruscant, at a new exhibition at Thrawn's favourite museum. He'd taken her for lunch afterwards, at a restaurant her Lieutenant wages definitely couldn't have afforded. They had shared a mix of small dishes: seafood from Naboo, jogan fruit salad, and roast pomork, just to name a few. It was so unlike the usual meal-packs and and rations that they ate aboard the Chimaera. Eli supposed her relationship with Thrawn did have a few perks. To any passerby who may have known them, it was simply an Admiral and his Lieutenant sharing a meal. Well, that was until Thrawn revealed he'd also bought her a small cake, just enough for two. It had pink frosting, her favourite. The waitress had given Eli a wink as they left, saying something about 'her man treating her right'. It felt odd. To the outsiders, they were just a couple. Eli and Thrawn. No ranks, or loyalties (other than to each other).

Afterwards, they had retired back to their hotel, as Thrawn had some work to do that would last into the evening. Being her Grand Admiral's aide, Eli had booked the swanky top floor adjoining suites. They had their own bedrooms for the shore leave, of course. It was all very appropriate. The room had even come with an office, for Thrawn to use for his meetings. She really was a good aide. (They'd fucked in both of the beds. 'Eli's room', only had a double, rather than an Emperor-sized bed Thrawn had, so they used 'Thrawn's bed' to sleep in. Oh, and Thrawn had fucked her over the desk in the office. Twice actually. They'd only been here two nights.) Eli was glad the suite had tinted floor to ceiling windows. The Grand Admiral needed privacy whilst he was working, of course.

Eli had decided to spend the evening going for a meal and some drinks with Faro, Hammerly and Pyrondi. Make it a girls night, whilst the Chimaera's crew were off-ship. It was a warm night, so Eli had chosen a floral pattern maxi dress to wear, and a pair of heels. She'd gotten changed whilst Thrawn was on his first holocall, waiting until he was done to show him the outfit. They'd been in causal wear in the morning, but Thrawn had put his Admiral uniform top back on for the meetings. His sleep pants as bottoms, hidden from view, made him look rather goofy. It was cute.

"What d'ya think, darlin'?" She'd asked him, emerging from her suite. Thrawn's eyes darkened, as she did a little twirl. Eli had curled her hair, and touched up her makeup. She wore a dark red lipstick that she knew Thrawn really liked. She felt rather sexy, if she did say so herself.

"Are you sure you cannot be tempted to stay here, Eli?" His eyes roamed her body, before settling on her cleavage. "I'd quite enjoying peeling the dress off you."

Eli ignored the flush on her cheeks at the compliment. She let Thrawn pull her into his (sleep-pant clad) lap, wrapping her arms around his neck as he pressed his lips to her throat. Thrawn's lips trailed across Eli's neck, her breath hitching with a groan as he explored. His mouth worked up her jaw, before capturing her mouth for a kiss. His hands grazed her hips, settling down on her bottom. The kiss deepened, their stolen moment seeming to last forever. Eli was about to complain that Thrawn was creasing the dress she had not long ironed, when he pressed something hard against her. Stifling a moan, she ground her hips against him.

"We can't do this now, the speeder taxi will be here soon." Eli tried to protest, but she knew she was useless to fend against Thrawn. He'd ate her out just that morning, dragging two orgasms out of her - her first lifeday present of the day from him, he'd called it. She'd worn a short little nightdress to bed that she'd bought recently, and Thrawn was obsessed with it. It was blush pink, mostly see-through, with little embroidered flowers. Came with a silky red thong. It left very little to the imagination. Well, nothing, actually. He'd also ordered breakfast in bed, had answered the door, gratiously thanking the waiter who had brought the food up. There was easily enough for two, Chiss had quite the appetite, afterall. Eli would make sure all his expenses were paid on time.

Thrawn simply looked amused, "Forgive me Lieutenant, I can't help myself."

"Why, Grand Admiral, I dare say you're showin' me a bit of favoritism".

Arousal shone in Thrawn's eyes, and he captured Eli's lips again. His fingers trailed the ruffle on the front of her dress, toying with it as he ground himself against her. She was going to need new panties, if he kept this up. A moment later, Eli's comm pinged. She pulled herself off Thrawn's lap, reluctantly, as she checked her communicator. The obvious tent in his trousers gave her a little bit of satisfaction.

"That's them, speeder is outside," Eli said, "don't have too much fun without me, Sir." She eyed the bulge with longing, adding the honorific for a little bit of teasing. He had about twenty minutes to his next meeting. Eli tried not to think about how he'd be spending them.

Thrawn grinned slightly, "Never, my dear. When you return, I'll ensure that every touch, every moment, will be... exquisitely unforgettable. I haven't given you your main gift yet, after all".

Dank farrik that man was smooth. Ah, kriff, now she wanted to stay. Maybe tease Thrawn under his desk, just as a repayment for this morning. The comm pinged again, no doubt someone telling her to hurry up. With a groan, she placed one last kiss on Thrawn's lips, before dashing out. She'd probably come back to him watching some old military holodrama, or reading the book he'd bought himself in the museum today. Yes, Eli told herself, eating steak and drinking wine with her friends was better than both of those options. Leaving Thrawn in the office, she grabbed her coat and handbag, making her way out of the suite. Calling the turbo-lift to the reception, Eli checked her comm again. Pyrondi had been the one to message her.

*Vanto we're here. Red speeder, dock three*

*Vanto come on.*

*Vanto you're the one who made the reservation for 1830 hours*

*Vanto, what are you doing?????*

*VANTO*

Eli sighed, and typed a message back.

*Sorry, Pyrondi. I'm in the turbolift. Just needed to show Thrawn something before I left. He's got meetings all evening.*

It wasn't technically a lie. A message instantly pinged back.

*Thank kark Vanto, we were worried you weren't coming. He can't even give you your life day off? I'd request a transfer if I were you*

And then, *I'm joking, don't tell him I said that*

Eli chuckled to herself. Oh Thrawn had given her the day off alright. They weren't to know that though. She suspected that her friends suspected something was going on between her and Thrawn, but she was content for them to think it was just a little crush.

*I won't. I promise*

Eli decided she might actually. Thrawn thought it was funny. The lift pinged and Eli reached the speeder-taxi floor, heading to dock three. She found the speeder easily, and slid in. Luckily it was a droid taxi, so they didn't have a nagging driver annoyed at her.

"Sorry girls, you know what Thrawn's like. He has to inspect everything when I'm clocking off. Er, inspect the schedule I mean."

Faro laughed, turning to face Eli. The Commodore was sat in the front two seats with Pyrondi, leaving Eli to sit in the vacant seat next to Hammerly.

"Does he even know it's your lifeday? I've never seen him celebrate his." She said.

Eli really tried not to think about Thrawn's head between her thighs earlier in the morning. Oh he knew it was her lifeday alright.

"Yes, he took me to dinner this afternoon. He has to approve my leave, remember? Besides, I book everything. Sort'a takes the suprise out of it. And, he does celebrate. He just doesn't want a party with the full Chimaera."

Eli supposed it was only fair that Thrawn spent the morning with his mouth on her cunt after the present she'd got him for his lifeday. He'd been grateful for the new extensive tea collection she'd bought him. Even more with the sexy little lingerie set she'd changed into, late at night. They'd both been exhausted and aching at the early meeting the next morning. Thank the stars Eli's uniform up to her neck. She had been covered in marks, and it was uncomfortable to sit, though Thrawn looked perfectly composed. It wasn't fair.

Anyway, it was her lifeday today, not his. Hammerly's amused grin broke Eli out of her thoughts. "How did you get a reservation for the restaurant, anyway? I've heard it's supposed to be booked up ages in advance."

Eli shrugged, "I booked it for Thrawn and Colonel Yularen to have a meeting once. When I booked again, I'm assuming they just thought it would be a similar party. Perks of being an aide, I guess."

"I don't know many aides who's CO would allow them to do that, Vanto. Thrawn's sweet on you." Said Faro.

Oh yes he was.

They arrived at the restaurant only a few minutes late for their booking. Eli greeted the waitress on the desk with a smile.

"Booking for four, should be under Vanto."

"Ah yes, Eli is it? Will the Admiral be joining?"

Kriff. Eli heard Pyrondi snicker.

"No, just us. But you're welcome to contact him if there's an issue, I'm sure you'll still have his comm number on your file?" Eli was ready for an argument, she saw Faro step forward.

The waitress only smiled, "Oh, no, there's no issues, Lieutenant. Just that Admiral Thrawn called earlier today to say he will cover the expenses. Just wanted to check he wasn't coming to pay in person. I'll send him the bill".

Oh. That was actually really sweet. Though, Eli would be the one to pay it, out of Thrawn's bank of course. But still. What did Eli do to deserve a man like Thrawn?

Faro bumped Eli with her elbow, "told you Vanto. He's sweet on you."

They followed the waitress to their table, ordering their food and drinks. Eli was secretly glad that Thrawn was covering the expenses. She felt less bad about the 60 credit steaks making a dent on her, and the others, wages. Eli couldn't exactly comm her mother and say "sorry there's less credits than usual, Ma, I spent a load on steak in a posh restaurant'. Oh Thrawn would be getting a special thank you for being so considerate. She'd been saving, and she'd checked with the other women before she booked. It would have been okay. This was a much nicer option.

"Did the Admiral pay for your midday meal too?" Hammerly inquired with a grin.

Eli nodded, taking a sip of the wine she'd ordered. It was nice, a pink fruity option from Ryloth. "You can't say I don't treat him for lifedays, and for all the work I do - well, I don't want'a say I deserve it, but..."

Pyrondi shrugged, "the Admiral broke the neck of a pirate trying to attack me once, it was kind of scary. But, I think he's just that way out. You deserve it, Eli, for all the krayt spit you have to put up with".

Scary? No, Eli thought that was hot. Thrawn protected his staff, and looked after them. He was always firm, but fair. There had been an increase in transfer requests to join the ship lately, like how in the early days many people wanted off the ship if they had to serve with Thrawn. Ironic, really. And some daft bastards still didn't approve of him being a Grand Admiral. Not that Eli was biased in any way. And she did deserve it, hells, she'd put up with a whole lot of krayt spit in her time because of Thrawn.

"Yes, but he isn't paying for all of this for your lifeday, is he, Pyrondi?" Faro just wanted to push her buttons.

Hammerly took a sip of her fancy Naboo gin, "Hey, I'm not complaining Eli's got Thrawn wrapped around her finger. Faro, just relax."

"He won't make you pay him back, Faro. Just enjoy yourself." Eli said, pouring Karyn a glass of wine. "I've seen you drink this at Ascendancy week parties, have some. You'll be annoyed later when the bar drinks are coming out of your wages."

Begrudgingly, Faro accepted the wine. The women talked, about what else they were going to do on shore leave, if they had seen their families recently. Mostly just menial things that never seemed appropriate on the Chimaera outside of working hours. Pyrondi insisted they take holopics, so Eli reapplied her lipstick, and posed with her glass of wine. They took a few group ones, and then Pyrondi insisted on taking some of Eli individually. For her Mama, Eli had claimed when she asked for the photos to be shared. Which wasn't a lie, she was going to send some to her Ma. However, the individual one was going to Thrawn. She excused herself to the 'fresher, little bit wobbly in her heels from the alcohol. Kark, once they started doing spotchka shots in the bar they were going to next, she'd be drunk.

Sat in the cubicle, she pulled up the picture of herself, and sent it to Thrawn.

*Enjoying the wine! Waitress said you'd called to say you're gonna pay. Thank you xx*

Okay kisses on a comm message was slightly risky, but if the ISB could tap her comm, then they'd heard all of hers and Thrawn's goings on.

*Batat, ch'itiseb vur. You are most welcome.*

Thrawn's (almost instant) reply put a silly little smile on Eli's face. Thrawn was smart, using Cheunh to compliment her. The only two people who could translate were, well, her and Thrawn. He'd said she looked pretty, and called her sweetheart. She'd learned Cheunh didn't really have a direct translation for the word, but he'd tried by separating the two. Eli wasn't as good as Cheunh as she was with Sy Bisti, but she had tried her best to get a bit of a grip on the language.

*You like my photo, darlin'? What you been up to?*

Once, Thrawn had been amused at Eli's pronunciation of darlin' in Cheunh, she couldn't help her accent she'd told him, but she was sure he thought it was endearing. She hadn't said it since. The comm message didn't come through straight away this time, Eli almost left, thinking the girls would be wondering what she was doing, when he finally replied.

*I told you all of my thoughts about the dress before, Eli. Meetings have not long been finished. I ordered food from that diner you like.*

*without me!!! I might request a transfer*

*And who would buy you fancy meals then, ch'eo vir?*

Eli squealed. She loved it when Thrawn got flirty. Another Cheunh pet name, my dear, this time.

*I'm only joking*

*anyway, need to go. They'll think I've fallen down the fresher*

Eli imagined Thrawn rolling his eyes.

*My apologies Lieutenant, tell them I really did urgently need your assistance*

And then another message pinged through.

*Vanto, have you gotten lost? The food's just arrived!* It was Faro.

*Sorry, Faro. Our dear Admiral needed me to call him about something. I'm coming back now*

The 60 credit steaks were really good. Huh, could get used to this lifestyle. Though she was just as excited when they all got in another taxi to a bar a few levels below. She'd heard it recommended, as it had a live band. They spent the rest of the night drinking cocktails and dancing, until the early hours of the morning. Finally, Faro, Hammerly and Pyrondi called a speeder taxi, whilst Eli called for her own. She bid the women goodnight, before climbing in. It hadn't been too long a journey back to the hotel, and after sending the women a quick message to let them know she was back safe, she made her way up back to her room. To Thrawn.

*Glad you're back safe, Eli. Try not to wake the Admiral up!*, came a message from Hammerly. Eli laughed. She knew Thrawn would be waiting for her.

Eli entered the suite to see Thrawn sat on the sofa, the picture of relaxed elegance. A soft smile tugged at her lips at the sight of him. Thrawn looked up from his book, as his gaze met hers with a warmth that sent a shiver of anticipation down her spine. He set aside his glass of red wine, rose to his feet, and made his way towards her. Eli unfastened her heels, dumped her back on the floor, and embraced him. He smelled of the aftershave she had bought him, bergamot and Corellian vanilla.

"Welcome back, Eli. I trust you had an enjoyable night?" Thrawn asked.

Eli looked up at him, her eyes alight, "I missed you." Thrawn smirked, she was a clingy drunk. Well, no, she was not drunk. Buzzed and slightly tired, sure. "But I had fun."

"I'm surprised you are back before 0300. I would have waited all night."

Kark, he was a romantic when he wanted to be.

"I have one last gift for you, though it is not now technically your lifeday."

Eli raised an eyebrow, "you're spoilin' me darlin'." Her accent had thickened with the alcohol, "an' you're sure? You've spent quite enough on me."

"Yes, I suppose I do spoil you, Eliana." Thrawn led her to the couch, placed his book on the coffee table, next to the wine glass. Eli had been right, he had been reading the new book he'd bought himself. Thrawn reached for a black, velvet box, handing it over to Eli. "For you, ch'eo."

Eli's hands shook slightly as she opened the gift box. She revealed a stunning silver necklace. It was a silver filigree chain, adorned with a deep blue sapphire pendant. Truthfully, it was much too beautiful for everyday wear, but Eli knew she wanted to.

"Oh, darlin'," Eli's voice trembled slightly, as she looked at Thrawn with glassy eyes, "it's so pretty. It's perfect. Oh, but y'didn't have to-"

Thrawn placed a kiss to her lips, silencing her. He pulled her over to him, sliding her legs over his lap, hand resting on her lower back.

"I wanted to," Thrawn said, "though, I may have had an ulterior motive for my purchase."

Eli chucked, of course he did, "and what was that, exactly?"

Thrawn grinned, a sly smile on his lips. He leaned in closer, voice dripping with seduction, as he brushed a piece of Eli's hair from her face.

"I want you, Eli. I want you, wearing nothing but this necklace. You can wear it under your uniform, but right now..." Thrawn leaned in close, so close that Eli could feel his breath on her neck. She squirmed, her stomach hot with arousal.

"I want to fuck you, completely bare, adorned only by this." Eli's breath shuddered, she bit her lip as she nodded.

Thrawn took the necklace from the box, fastening it around her neck. It sat beautifully. Thrawn's fingers, gentle and tender, trailed along her throat, following the chain of the necklace.

"Do you want me?" He asked.

"Darlin, I need you."

Thrawn stood, scooping up Eli in his arms. Eli laughed, anticipation twisting in her stomach. She knew Thrawn was strong, but he carried her to the bedroom like she weighed nothing. He placed her down, and began to unbutton her dress. He removed her clothes, and then his own, leaving the garments pooled in a heap on the floor, in a very un-Thrawnlike way. He lay back on the bed, as if to invite her to straddle him. Eli gladly accepted the invitation, and threw one of her thighs over his body, climbing on top of Thrawn. His hands grabbed down to skim her hips, azure fingers gripping tight enough to leave bruises there. She peered down at him, taking in his handsome face.

"You know, I think chose a very good bedroom for you to fuck your aide in, didn't I?"

Thrawn tutted, "You make it sound so... detached, Eliana." Ooh he used her full name. Spicy. Thrawn's eyes softened. "You're more to me than that, ch'eo. Though I cannot deny we've made good use of it".

Oh yes, the desk had been particularly fun. Though, the massive bed made a change from Thrawn's standard Imperial bed. It was softer, much more comfortable. And they were free, in this room, it was just the two of them. They were staying in the suites for the upcoming Ascendancy week for the balls and other events. It was bliss. They didn't have to hide, here, they could just be Eli and Thrawn. Eli knew full well most men in Thrawn's position expected their aides to service them. It wasn't the sex that was the problem (though Eli wouldn't want to fuck anyone else). It was... it was the unspoken thing between them, that the Empire would disapprove of. They had never called it love, they had never actually said the words - but they both knew they were willing to die for one another. Such attachment was disapproved of in the Imperial Navy. Thrawn had proved plenty of times that he would kill for Eli too. They cared for one another, deeply. Here, in this room, they could show that.

"I...", She couldn't bring herself to say it. But she did, she really did love him. "Thank you for a perfect lifeday, Thrawn."

Thrawn smiled at her, a beautiful, honest smile. "You deserve nothing else, Eli."

Eli leant down and pressed her lips to Thrawn's. She rested her forehead against his, aware of the cool metal around her neck. The necklace was a very special gift, the most concrete physical token of their relationship they had ever exchanged. Eli deepened the kiss, feeling Thrawn's hands grab her thighs. He pulled them forward, and dragged her onto his cock. She grabbed his chin with a moan, tilting his head upwards, feeling him bite at her lip, head tilting back. She rocked her hips, grinding - riding him. Eli never stopped relishing in the ridges on Thrawn's cock, how they felt so good inside her. Eli wasn't often on top, so the change in position offered a different sensation. She was in control, she set the pace. She was so full it almost hurt, but Eli liked the pleasure-pain it brought, overstimulated and beautifully sore. Eli could tell Thrawn was enjoying it too, his usually impassive face flushed purple as he groaned. She knew any moment he could flip her over, and pound her into the mattress, but Eli was convinced he enjoyed watching her. She moved her lips down to Thrawn's throat, nipping at the skin.

"Are you trying to give me a hickey, Ch'eo?" Thrawn's teasing her, he had worn them before, proud, under his uniform. But still, he knew what was happening, what she wanted. "You know that is against the rules, do you not?"

Eli moaned, she loved it when he called her that. Mine. She nodded and whined, a pretty pout on her lips. But then, "you gonna punish me, Sir?"

Thrawn growled, thrusting up and into her forcefully. Eli felt as if she breath got knocked out of her, jerking forward. Thrawn liked it when she pulled rank in bed. He fucked up into her again, harshly, and flipped her over. Thrawn's large hand pushed Eli's head into the pillow, as he rocked his hips over and over. Eli clenched around him with a whimper, crying out at the intensity of her orgasm. She was breathing heavily, her legs shook. Dank farrik, Thrawn was good at knowing what she needed. He continued to fuck into her lazily, before pulling out, and coming all over her thighs. Thrawn pressed kisses into her back, going lower and lower, sinking his slightly fanged teeth into the soft flesh of her ass.

"Oh, krayt spit, Thrawn!" Eli was far too sensitive, her eyes rolling back into her head, but she relished in it. He'd never done that before. Maybe she liked lifeday sex even more than usual sex. He sucked and licked at the skin. Karking hell, Eli was going to hobble into the pre-Ascendency week meetings with Thrawn's fingers bruised into her hips and his bite mark on her ass, claiming her. Eventually, he rolled off her, dark red eyes flashing with satisfaction in the dim light. Eli's heart was hammering in her chest as she straddled Thrawn again, intent on just holding him. Her thighs were painted with his cum and her own. He liked her wet and messy.

"You promised me a thank you for your gifts, didn't you, Eli?" Thrawn said, casually, as if he hadn't just made Eli come. As if he hadn't just done... all of that, actually. "Why don't you come and put those pretty lips to good use?"

Eli stared down at him, eyes slightly wide in disbelief, and a small grin formed on her face for a brief moment as their gaze met. She pulled off Thrawn, aching at the sudden emptiness, and shimmied down the bed. Eli placed a chaste kiss to Thrawn's cock, wet with her own slick. Placing the head in her mouth, Eli sucked gently, enjoying Thrawn's groan of satisfaction as she eased down his dick slowly. Thrawn never wanted Eli to feel obligated, but he knew she enjoyed being bossed around by him (sometimes). She flattened her tongue, and moved rhythmically to allow Thrawn to fuck her throat. Eli gagged, ever so slightly, taking him down a bit too much. Thrawn's hips bucked, as he grabbed a fist of her hair, forcing her down further. Eli's eyes were wet with tears.

"K'pah, that's it. You look so filthy, drooling all over my cock."

It was rare that Thrawn swore, so Eli felt like it was an accomplishment. Her eyes fluttered closed at the words, she dug her nails into his thigh. She garbled a 'yes sir' around his cock, and Thrawn came again. Hard. Eli swallowed, then pulled off Thrawn's dick slowly, panting, a trail of drool and blue-tinted come dripping from her mouth. He deserved that, after spoiling her rotten all day. Thrawn's touch was light, as be affectionately traced a thumb across Eli's cheek.

"Ch'eo ch'an'eci, ch'ah ch'acah vah." He said, pulling her up to lie beside him.

Eli froze. She couldn't understand the full meaning of what Thrawn was saying, it wasn't something he had said to her before. But with the reverence with which he spoke, Eli knew it had to mean something important.

"I'm sorry, darlin', I didn't catch that." She said, and Thrawn shook his head, placing a kiss to her forehead, softly.

"Happy lifeday, Eli".

(Thrawn said, "my soul, I love you", for anyone wondering.)

(Also imagine doing this and then getting whacked with a 'Good day, Lieutenant Vanto' after coming back from the Ascendancy. Thrawn would catch these hands.)

[hpdfag]

oh my god HII!! i’m back from my break and i’d say i’m actually feeling much better :) how have you been??

thank you for sending something! i promise that you don’t even need to but i was really happy you did even then, it just feels so nice that you put some time into it :} also SEVEN HOUR SHIFTS??? what the fuck are they doing to these poor seventeen sixteen year olds at mcdonald’s oh my god. i’m sure it’s incredibly exhausting?? i mean i don’t know how i’d go through that! but i also feel like the idea of getting “adult money” is quite nice knowing most of our lives even 50 was a lot from our parents, so there’s that. make sure to take breaks to balance that because it looks EXHAUSTING?? And with school even then…at least this year will be shorter for you from what you said i mean!! So good luck managing those hours and school. I won’t lie i’m a bit proud? i hope this doesn’t sound condescending but i just feel happy that you’re doing this step and like…growing up. It’s just something incredibly difficult and complex in my eyes and seeing someone i care about actually do it makes me feel pretty happy with all honesty! I hope you understand what i mean :} i might write another message talking about what else you’ve wrote to me that i couldn’t answer earlier! but for now, i hope you’re doing fine even with the seven hour shifts :}

- 🧶

HIHIHI WELCOME BACK its so good to see you again!!! ive been doing alright, trying to manage work and life and school all at the same time is suck a nightmare v_v;; ive ended up kinda neglecting this account which is so sad cuz my feelings havent changed that much!! im just so tired all tha time ...

and of course of course !! id feel bad not leaving something, especially since i had you on my mind! it just made sense to say something, even if it wasnt a lot haha

and YEAG. YEAHHHGGGG. theyve been fuckinf BRUTAL, ive luckily(?) been out sick the past couple of days since i ran out of my antidepressant and your body does not appreciate going cold turkey on an SSRI at all LMAOAOOAOA ... now im just waiting for the manager to get back to me about my schedule for this week since im feeling msrginally better, i could probably finish a shift in my current state with a lot of caffeine, a zofran, and some ibuprofen LOLOL

and it definitely is nice!! most of the money im making im going to be putting in a savings account for college, since my student aid situation is a lot more confusing than i was expecting it to be .. im not entirely sure how our income is going to be calculated? since we get survivorship benefits after my father passed away, and because of the way that program distributes the money, different government programs count it differently, either taking all the money as a whole and counting it as my mom's income or cutting it up into three chunks and counting it as income for each member of my family.

its all so confusing and means i cant reasonably expect to get much help from the fafsa alone, so i need to save up my own money and start applying for scholarships ASAP!! i could go to community college for the first two years, and im even already accepted at the one nearby, but i'd much rather go to the same school for my full bachelors even if it'll be more expensive.. but who knows!! we'll find out eventually.

and don't worry it doesnt sound condescending at all! im really glad you are, ive been changing so much lately and i always worry that it'll alienate the people i care about, especially everyone ive met thru here </3 and it really means a lot to know you're proud of us !!

[aubreysheadspace]

helloo, could you do the omori main cast (platonic) headcanons with a reader that got injured recently? tysm and have a wonderful week, don't forget to take care of yourself and take a rest when you feel like it! <33

MAIN CAST WITH A RECENTLY INJURED READER (PLATONIC)

was ty ty!! I’ll try and take care of myself <3 I hope I do as well! ty for requesting and please enjoy!

SUNNY

SUNNY is definitely a bit taken aback by your wounds

he’s not that good at medical stuff, the least he can do is BANDAIDS and a FIRST AID KIT

he’s a bit terrible using the FIRST AID as well

he IS trying his best though, so the least you can do is tell him he’s doing a good job.. even if he sucks, then just tell him he tried his best

"..please be careful." you heard SUNNY whisper as he places a simple BANDAID on your little cut. despite his face always being stoic and cold, you can tell he deeply cares about his friends, and that includes you.

he mostly brings HERO over to you so he can take a look at the wound if it’s not a simple cut or bruise

if you already got bandaged up, then SUNNY is a bit relieved

but makes sure you don’t do anything over the top since you’re not in peak condition

AUBREY

AUBREY knows a thing or two about treating wounds surprisingly

well, only cuts and bruises

she actually taught herself!

when she used to get into fights with people, she would always bandage herself up

so when she finds you injured, she’ll immediately asked if anyone had hurt you

"damn— uh, you alright, [READER?]" AUBREY had rushed over to look at your wound. "..did anyone hurt you or something? what’s their name? i’ll beat the crap out of them."

if you tell her that anyone did hurt you, she immediately asks for a name and face and threatens them next time she sees them

but if you weren’t, then she’d simply help you get bandaged up

if you’re already bandaged up, then she compliments on how tough you look with them on!

HERO

HERO is the most capable one out of the friend group when it comes to injuries

he’s studying to become a doctor, of course he’d know

if he finds you injured, he takes a good look at your wound and see if he can do anything about it

he then brings you to his house and perfectly bandages it up like the nice man he is!

if it’s a pretty big wound, then he’d tell you to rest that body part that has your wound and make sure you don’t overwhelm yourself

"alright, your wound is bandaged up now [READER]. try not to use your [BODY PART WITH WOUND] too much okay?" HERO had practically ordered you politely, you felt like you were at the doctors or something with how HERO was treating you.

he’d happily let you rest on his bed if you wanted to!

if you were already bandaged up, then he’d at least change out your old bandages into new ones every once in a while

KEL

KEL is a bit clueless when it comes to these things

he does get injured a bit when playing basketball, but he simply shrugs it off if it’s a simple cut or bruise

so when you get injured, he immediately brings you over to HERO and see if he can do anything

if HERO isn’t present, KEL would gladly do the honors and patch up your wound for you!

…don’t ever let him again

he’s pretty fine with simply placing a bandaid over a little cut because it’s easy

but when it comes to bandaging and bruises? oh boy.

"alright.. and then i just— wrap it like? oh— oh no, that’s not what i-" you look down and see KEL trying to bandage up your wound but failing miserable. he lets out a sheepish laugh and even smile sheepishly, apologizing. "hehe, sorry [READER].. my brother HERO is better at stuff like this than i am."

BASIL

BASIL knows a few stuff about treating wounds

POLLY usually either gives him a few tips or he watches how she bandages up his wounds

he even gets a few tips from HERO himself!

despite knowing a thing or two, he’s a bit messy when it comes it actually treating your wound

"oh gosh— i- s-sorry, [READER]! let me— let me try again..!" BASIL undos his messy attempt and tries again. his hands were noticeably trembling as he did so, you felt a bit bad for the poor guy.

if it’s a simple cut, then he wouldn’t be as nervous as he is when bandaging a bit bigger wound of yours

he does tell you to be careful incase you accidentally got hurt by tripping

you’re one of his friends, and he cares deeply about you!

try not to worry him so much, he might just get a heart attack if you’re reckless and get hurt again!

MARI

MARI is good at taking care of others, so it’s not a surprise that she has a bit of knowledge of injuries and such

she learns most stuff from HERO, so she knows a thing or two more than SUNNY does

her caring and sweet nature to you makes it even worth it!

perfectly wrapping the bandage around your wound, MARI hummed a tiny tune as she focuses on making sure the bandage is perfect. once she finishes, she looks back up at you with a smile. "there we go!~ is it too tight or too loose? let me know, alright?"

she makes sure you don’t overwork yourself, especially if you have a large wound bandaged up

she won’t hesitate and will lightly scold you if you do so

she used to overwork herself with a bad knee, so she knows how it feels and doesn’t want you to do the same thing

[mrs-johansson]

Chapter 5: Avengers: Age of Ultron - Two Ghosts

Part 1:

“When can I meet her?” Dad asked as he came down to have lunch in my lab. “Soon. I want her to settle in, and I want her to have the hearing aid.” “And how’s that going?” He stood up and walked up to the table. “I’m just gonna run some more tests and we’ll see, maybe next week you two could meet,” I looked up at him.

“How is it that your friends have seen Katarina sooner than I would?” Dad had been trying to meet Katarina for months, but with James at the house and the setting time, I thought she could have a little more time. “Because they are not her relatives biologically. Clint helps me with babysitting and Natasha is… Natasha. Believe me, she’s worth the wait. I swear she has your attitude sometimes even though you two haven’t even met yet.” The proud and surprised look on his face was funny but also such a great feeling to see. “Okay show me some pictures then.”

***

The last couple of months have been hectic. Hiding James has been really difficult, but mostly for him. He couldn’t really leave the house without assistance and he was bothered by that obviously. Even though he’s very introverted and a house buddy, he wanted to get out there and explore the world on his own, which was not possible at these times.

So he stayed at home most days, spending time with Katarina and learning from within the four walls. He watched the news every morning and evening, surfed the internet for information, and read about the time he had missed.

We once visited the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum, where he learned about himself and the war, but mostly about the Captain America we know now. James was so eager to know everything and be present that sometimes he got lost in what he actually wanted. He still didn't have a plan for what would come next. I tried everything to make him look further but he got stuck.

Meanwhile, Katarina was growing fast. She’s not even one and she has the abilities and looks of a 3 year old. She knows sign language to a full extent, which she learned in just a couple of weeks.

It is incredible to see how she’s developing day to day, but not gonna lie I miss the previous steps. I wanted to see her open her eyes for the first time, roll over for the first time and I’m not even gonna mention the first steps. I know I complain about great things but these are also great things to miss out on.

When I work, she’s in kindergarten from Monday to Thursday and on Fridays, she stays at Barton's. She already sees Clint and Laura as her uncle and aunt, and the kids as her cousins. They treat her like family, which I appreciate out of this world.

And Natasha, she’s here on most Saturdays, when Katarina is just full of joy. Nat is definitely her favorite, apart from me of course. They bonded on a deep level and it brings me happiness but also so much pain to know that we couldn’t work out.

Maybe if it wasn’t for the break-up, we would raise Katarina together. But it’s never perfect, is it?

On Fridays, which is today, I usually bring dinner to Clint’s house and we have dinner together.

Pulling up to the farm, I could see the kids and Clint playing outside, kicking a ball around. Katarina’s dark brown hair was gently braided into two little braids, and the pants she had on were basically dirty as the ground. She enjoys being outside since at home we only have a flat still.

The Bartons looked up to the sound of the car and Clint alerted Rina that I’d arrived, and she looked my way too. Her attention left the ball imminently and with those little feet, she started running towards me.

Seeing this was something that made me appreciate every little thing. She was getting older by the second and I wasn’t gonna miss one more minute with her.

I got out of the car and quickly rounded it before picking her up.

“Hi baby,” I gave a kiss to the side of her head, then put her back on the ground and kneeled in front of her. “Your hair is so pretty! Did Laura make it?” I asked. “No, Natasha.” Nat’s here? “Wow, she’s so cool, right?” She nodded. “How was today? Did you have fun?” “Yes, we painted. I made you something,” she took my hand and insisted on getting inside.

Getting the take-out dinner I picked up Katarina and made our way towards Clint and the kids. “Hey guys, I got us Chinese today,” I greeted the three of them. “Copper, why don’t you guys take the food inside? We’ll be there in a minute,” I gave him the bags of food and the three of them walked in, Katarina grabbing a hold of Lila’s hand.

“What is she doing here? She hasn't been returning my calls for over a week. And I know she wasn’t on a mission,” I turned to Clint. He looked inside then at me with a sigh. “I don’t know why she didn’t talk to you then, but now she’s here to talk. It seemed pretty serious,” he said. “Great, just perfect.”

Walking inside, the kids already settled around the table, Laura and Natasha unpacking the boxes. “Hi,” I said. Nat picked up her head and I couldn’t describe the look she gave me. “I was just saying the other to Clint, how much I craved Chinese but he didn’t get me any,” Laura’s voice made me look away. “Because it was in the middle of the night and we live on a farm,” Clint stepped in. “I’m glad your craving will be fulfilled,” I said.

Grabbing the plates, I had to step next to Natasha. “Nat,” I nodded her way. “Y/n.” The urge to read her mind was so tempting but I promised everyone that I won’t use it on them. “You haven’t been returning my calls,” I said as I reached the shelf.

“It wasn’t a phone conversation that I wanted to talk about,” she said. Voice tense, body language just strict. “We can talk after I put Katarina to sleep.”

***

Katarina insisted that Natasha would be the one who stays with her until she falls asleep, so I did the dishes so that Laura could relax a little, but she kept my company throughout.

“Dinner was weird,” she said. “What do you mean?” “You and Nat. What’s going on?” I stared at the water as it flowed through the sink. “It’s been strange for a while. She’s dictating herself from me, from us really. She canceled last week’s Saturday and hasn't answered my calls since. Of course, Rina asked for her, because she’s obsessed with her. But nothing. And last week too, like she was distracted at all times. And if it was work she would definitely tell me.” “Maybe she’s seeing someone,” she casually threw it out there. “You think?” I stopped the tap and dried my hands. “What else could it be? It’s Natasha, you and work were the only option she could be occupied with, but there’s no you anymore, and if it’s not work… Maybe she found someone,” the sad smile on Laura’s face was something strange. I know she loved us together but I didn’t think she would actually prefer us over other relationships. But she also probably knew something.

“So, can we talk?” Natasha walked down the stairs, and both of us looked her way. “Yeah, let’s go outside. Good night, Laura,” I said to the woman. “You too guys.”

As we made our way outside I played all the scenarios in my mind about what could happen. Maybe she did find someone and wants to disappear from my life, or maybe it is a work thing.

We were a great distance from the house and we didn't talk a word on the walk. Then she stopped at almost the end of the lot. “I know about Barnes,” her voice was filled with anger. “And?” I shrugged it off, trying to act cool.

“Y/n, are you insane?” She stepped closer, veins popping out on her neck. “He is dangerous! And you let your daughter around him? There’s a chance that he’s gonna be that killing machine again, and what are you gonna do then, huh? Or what if HYDRA finds him? That’s why you won’t let anyone over to your place! And what about Steve? You’re just gonna let him suffer and look for him when you know damn well that he sleeps in your bed, eats your food, and plays with your daughter every day.” “You have no idea Natalia how fucking hard it is for me! If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have found Katarina. I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for him!” By now we were yelling at each other and I was glad the house was far away.

“I’ve been trying to help him settle in, to come up with a plan. But nothing. He doesn’t even want a glance at the future. For the past several decades he wasn’t Barnes, he wasn’t the Bucky Steve knows… But he’s trying to be the old him. He wants to learn and be human,” I explained but as I spoke she only got angrier. “How are you falling so easily into this? Y/n how can you be so naive after everything that happened?” Her hands spread to her sides, confusion hitting her face. “Naive?” I scoffed. “Every single day when I go home, I think he’s not gonna be there anymore. That he left, that they took him. For months I’ve been living on the fucking edge, scared to leave my daughter alone with him, scared to fall asleep next to him. I’m not naive, I just don’t want to make him feel even worse,” I said and turned around to walk back.

“No.” She simply said and I looked back at her. “No, you are just scared to be alone. You can’t be alone and you just won’t admit that,” she caught up to me and stood right in front of me. “Don’t ever talk to me about hating to be alone. I became a mother overnight, and I wasn’t gonna do this alone.” “But you are not alone,” Natasha took hold of my hand. But I took it away and shook my head. “I am.” “Y/n don’t shut me out now,” the want in her eyes was something I missed every day but I couldn’t let this happen. “I’m not shutting you out, but we talked about this. I can’t do this, not now… James is there and Rina, I-“ I stumbled over my words, didn’t even know what I wanted to say. “James…” She said quietly like she knew immediately. With the look she gave me, she definitely knew.

“You guys are a thing, aren’t you?” Her shoulders dropped. “We’re not a thing,” I looked away, shaking my head. “Oh don’t fucking lie to me. I know you, Y/n. You two are fucking for sure,” she got mad again, but mostly she looked disappointed. “What if we do? You have absolutely no right to question who I sleep or don’t sleep with. We broke up, Natasha. We ended things because it didn’t work. I’m sorry that I’m trying to move on. It hurts me like shit, that he’s not you, that it’s not us! I wanted you, Nat!” I yelled at her. She has no right to speak to me like that. “I wanted all of you. We had each other and now we don’t. So you don’t get to decide what I do with my life.”

***

“Good morning everyone,” Steve walked into the meeting room with Maria following him. Files in her hands she handed one to everyone. The team gathered around the table, while Steve presented our next mission.

“As you all know, we found another HYDRA Research Base. It’s in Sokovia, Europe. It is the base where we tracked Loki’s scepter and the plan is to retrieve it. The files have everything you need to know before we take off. Tomorrow morning we leave at 5. Any questions?” He looked around and everyone was silent. “Alright, see you tomorrow.”

***

Taking Katarina out of her seat, we made our way upstairs right away. It’s how the days go, in the mornings I drop her off at kindergarten and after work I get her and we go home to James.

After the meeting, I went to Stark Industries and we worked on some new projects and I finally finished Rina's hearing aid so I’m very excited to try it with her.

Opening the front door, I noticed the flat was awfully quiet. James usually is always on the couch when we get home, watching the news but now he isn't. The tv was turned off, no sign of James in the living room.

I shut the door behind me and put Katarina down, who took off to her room immediately. “James?” I called out once. Maybe he’s sleeping. I checked the kitchen and the balcony, but nothing. Bathroom empty. Then I made my way to the bedroom to see it was also without him in it.

And then I noticed an envelope. Lying on his pillow. My heart dropped and I couldn’t think of anything else other than he had left.

With shaky hands, I took hold of the envelope and saw my name written on it. Opened it and saw the handwritten letter. I sat down on the edge of the bed and read it.

Hey Doll,

We both knew this was coming for a long time now, but I think neither of us thought that it woulduld actually happen. I had to leave. For your and Katarina’s safety. I am a liability and it wouldn’t be safe for you two if I had stayed. I also didn’t want Steve to find me, he had enough trouble with me the last time we saw each other.

I won’t contact you and I don’t want you to contact me. The only communication I want is Katarina. I’d like you to send pictures to the address at the bottom every month. Just one picture of Katarina.

I am truly sorry and I promised I won’t leave you again, I am sorry that I broke this. But please forgive me, Doll.

Your James.

[tobydandelion]

I'm actually, legally, free now.

In the summer of 2022, I escaped long term physical and emotional abuse by a partner, who had kept me trapped with her by taking advantage of my disability for about 8 years. More than a year after my physical escape, I've now finally won the battle for my legal freedom, despite her trying to keep me legally bound to her. Now that the divorce has finished, I can finally apply for student aid, and get into community college.

I had been debating with myself whether or not to press charges for battery at this point, since I still have the evidence of her physical abuse, and I'm still within the statute of limitations- but recently I decided to let that go. As much as I want to see her get justice for what she did to me, and for the years she stole, I decided that the truly healthiest decision for me is to try to move on, and focus on the two most important things in my immediate future: College, and my child. 

Yes, at the time of writing, I am very happily exactly 12 weeks pregnant! This is something else I always wanted, but never thought I'd be able to have, until I understood how to accommodate my disability properly, and gained full control over my own life. Now that I know how to accommodate myself, and have all the support necessary, this feels like absolute perfect timing. 

I have a lovely, supportive boyfriend who I'm moving in with soon, a habilitation worker who's actually understanding of my limitations, a supportive and helpful roomate/boss/fwb/yougetitlol, a really great therapist, as well as a great gp,  and trans-friendly ob! And now that my divorce is finished, my disability payments will increase, and best of all, I can apply for student aid and start some online community college courses!

I'm planning on going into law, basically from scratch, over ten years removed from high school. So, I know I'm going to be going to school for about a decade at least, especially since the first few years are definitely going to be at a nice slow pace, so I don't burn myself out with being obligated to multiple classes and full-time infant care at the same time. I'll start as light as I can, and work closely with counselors, as they actually do have decent disability services at the community college I'm looking to apply to. 

My bf is planning on helping with the baby of course, but, honestly, I'm really quite content with the thought of being the primary caregiver. This really is something I've wanted my whole life; babysitting my little cousins on occasion was one of the only good things about my childhood. I love teaching and playing with and taking care of kids, but barely dared to dream of ever having my own, until this last year.

After I learned I was pregnant (actually very early, I could have chemically aborted but the thought didn't even cross my mind, due to the aforementioned proper support and lifelong childrearing dreams), I threw myself into learning all about pregnancy and babies. Luckily for me, this basically became an instant special interest, which has made, and is still making it, very easy to study up!

The way that me being autistic has affected my pregnancy, and vice versa, is quite interesting to me. I've already decided I'm not going to want an epidural, as I'm very curious how I will experience the sensations of labor and birth. (And even besides my muted interoception, I've heard that people with my bedroom proclivities have a much easier time with birth generally, and I wonder if this is true.)

Also, I was expecting my sensory issues to be more of a problem so far, but I've actually been very lucky with pregnancy symptoms, as of 12 weeks. The worst I've experienced so far is some nausea and vomiting and fatigue, but none have even been bad enough to lower my quality of life, really. 

One thing that definitely has contributed to my continued health, is that is that my doctor cleared me to keep using cannabis oil through my pregnancy. I'm sure that's helped with the nausea more than I even know! Initially, my regular doctor had said that I'll probably wanna switch to something else while breastfeeding, because THC oil is generally contraindicated for that, but that it's definitely fine until I wanna start clearing it out of my system just for breastmilk production.

BUT, at my first appointment with my obgyn, whom my doctor said would be the one to decide what to try besides cannabis, I was actually informed there's no need to change anything! Apparently, she thinks the risk of switching medications while pregnant outweighs any risks posed by the THC. I was absolutely elated to hear that- I was certain they were gonna want to make sure it was out of my system before giving birth. But my care team reassured me that a positive result in my baby or milk won't impact how quickly I can take them home at all, and it'll all go on their chart explaining things properly. I'm so relieved- it's like the best case scenario I didn't even wanna get my hopes up for!

And something else I didn't expect- I already love them. Even though they aren't a baby yet, I love this fetus. It's a very strange feeling, it's different from how I've ever felt about either a person or a pet. Sometimes just remembering they're there makes my heart fill with warmth so rapidly that my eyes start welling with happy tears. And other times I catch myself clapping and laughing just from the sheer joy I get when I randomly think about the little nubbly pink thing all cozy in my belly. But most of the time, it's just a nice calm comfort, like I'm never alone. They make every decision easier, every next right step clearer. That's the feeling that's hardest to describe. I guess, it's like having a very comforting imaginary friend, but who I know is actually real? It's amazing. I never feel lonely anymore, ever. I truly feel what I interpret as 'love' towards the little creature inside me. 

They've even helped one of my e.d. quite a bit; it's like I'm able to not worry about calories or carbs lately, because I'm so focused on getting the right nutrients to them. I've been able to quickly push past negative food thoughts, and just think about how good what I'm eating is for the creature. I've been eating a lot of cheerios, which to my keto-fryed orthorexic brain would have been unthinkable, just months ago. But now I've at least been able to somewhat suppress and redirect that compulsion, to give my child the statistically optimum nutrients to have the highest likelihood of being able to become a very happy baby!

I like to think about how they're growing constantly, and about what they might start to experience and when. I've started talking to them. They might not know what 'I love you' means yet, but they're going to have heard it every day, from before they even had a brain to experience it. I'm going to do my very best for them. I've proven myself to be quite capable of finding appropriate accommodations lately, and I know I'm ready to be a good dad.

Oh, and I've already prepared for them to have my same disabilities, since that's quite likely. The first items I bought for them (I'm already starting to stock up on essentials, since I'm on a fixed income and it's more practical than buying all the supplies later on at once) have been newborn sized sun-goggles, newborn sized noise-canceling earmuffs, as well as a baby wipe warmer! They're going to grow up comfortable and secure- and listened to, no matter how they communicate- from the very beginning of their life.

Also: fun info for any other pregnancy nerds: we have a posterior placenta!! 🕺🎉 (Non pregnancy nerds: that's the best kind of placenta, lol.)

I'm really stoked about this timing, too. Like I mentioned, I'm planning on about ten years of school or so, starting with online classes for the first few years. Basically what my version of 'pre-law' will be, is a couple years of Gen Ed to recover anything forgotten from high school over the last decade, then probably some literature and government courses while I'm working on getting my LSAT score up. There's a pretty decent lawschool here in the city I live in that I'll be applying to, once I've got that score up high enough for a scholarship program.

So hopefully, the timing should work out to where I can stay home and devote as much time to the child as they need in their first few years, then once they start going to gradeschool, I should be able to start some in-person lawschool classes right around then. 

As frustrating as waiting for the divorce has been over this last year, I'm glad I got plenty of time to properly rest and make sure I have what I need to be at my best, before starting school. And I got a head start on the family I've always wanted, simultaneously! This timing honestly couldn't be better, I'm so excited about both my short term and long term future. 

So for now, I'm probably going to continue to only check social media very sparingly, to keep stress down, as is best for baby formation and whatnot. They're my number one priority now, and it's a small sacrifice to make for the most important creature in my world. <3

[lunarsilkscreen]

The Educational divide between military and everybody else;

Despite my candor about crayon eating Marines; The ones that at least learned how to properly prepare those crayons are miles farther than those same crayon eaters who never learned.

<aside>I hope that gives you visions of a chef fancy-sautee-ing a single crayon at a time.</aside>

I know this because of the things that are taught in the military on a regular basis as just... Yearly storybook time. Like Fitness, First Aid, Nitrition, not drinking more than 6 beers in a week, information and Internet security, interpersonal relationships, and management. Not to mention your actual Job Duty technical training. (Or survival training depending on if you're infantry unlike myself.)

And much. MUCH MORE. As members are encouraged to learn things they encounter on the job that may not be included in their job title.

Because when you relay these simple lessons in the outside world;

They look at you as if your were intentionally being a smart ass. Or if you're trying to belittle them. Or if you're just straight up lying.

That's a cultural barrier that I still can't quite wrap my head around. To me; these things are second nature, like breathing. But to somebody else..? They're esoteric knowledge that you need at least 4 years of concentrated college to learn.

it's why channels like "Fox News" push the idea of a "Woke Military". Because they're literally not as educated as the military itself. And because modern military members often don't have documentation for their "Extra" skills they pickup that aren't their explicit job title... They're often looked at as either fluffing up their resumè, lying, or just stupid.

There is of course; NO WAY A SINGLE PERSON CAN HAVE SEVERAL BACHELOR DEGREES WORTH OF KNOWLEDGE, UNLESS THEYRE A WOKE LIBERAL LIAR.

And that's what Fox News believes the military has been trained to be. Instead of... You know; the most effective war fighters in the goddamn world.

And that is an issue; the criminalization of knowledge and expertise weakens the country's effectiveness and national security.

The ignorance shown by people that believe in the war between Smarts and Street Smarts, means that those with both are often overlooked.

In case you're wondering; I'm not saying I'm smarter than you. I'm saying I know more because you've forgone your studies for PRAXIS.

"I KNOW MY JOB VERY WELL AND THATS ALL THAT MATTERS!" you are definitely saying

And I'm saying; yeah, so Do I, except I know the baseline amount to start doing your job and several other jobs today if I wanted to.

"Then why don't you?" Is the question, why come you don't just get a job?

If people like me dumbed down our resumès, y'all would be out of a job. Plus wed be underselling our skill sets, be more valuable to the job than our employers which would breed animosity and jealousy.

And we would literally not be paid the amount of money that we are worth for the bullshit we'd have to put up with.

It tends to be why military members are very selective about where they work. There's definitely workplaces or even jobs we'd enjoy more than others, and bullshit we'd be willing to put up with for various reasons.

Notice; I'm not talking about your average 4-year boot and scoot. At least a 6 year Active Duty enlistment, and at least one deployment or tour.

Because a 4y boot-and-scoot barely finished basic (boot camp). They have *maybe* 2 years on-the-job.

There's even another secondary military member you should worry about; the boot-and-special-duty. A member that never really did real military things and found a way to forgoe their "duty title" in order to do auxiliary duties. Often, a boot-and-scoot-back-to-boot. Meaning they did their 4 years and wound up as a BMT(basic military training) instructor despite having near 0 real experience in the military.

It really really sucks, because the people I'm talking about *Know* exactly who and what I'm talking about. Because some of them managed to skip the line to a higher rank without really knowing the job.

An actual issue in our current military system, that steps have been taken to correct. But since I'm not in anymore; I'm not sure if they have.

"Keep your head down, keep working, and maybe if you're lucky; things will get better."

So I can't talk about these things without sounding like a know-it-all. Or an asshole. Or pretentious, as if I'm putting myself on that pedestal.

Bruh. College would've been so much easier.

[dearestxiao]

Hey I just wanted to ask and I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfy but what happened to saekogun? I missed your #junesdegeneracyau and then I found out everything disappeared which was weird bcs I recall seeing ur blog in like March 2022

hi there nonnie... omg wow it's been such a long time since I've actually posted on this blog. thank you so much for the concern and to anyone else who's asked about me.

to give a quick tldr as to what happened with saekogun exactly: I took a break from writing right around a point in my life where I was both very busy, and slowly becoming more and more happy. the break turned out to be much longer than I thought it would be, and I one day decided to get rid of saekogun. my mental health has improved immensely, and I just wanted to say hello again.

I will start this off by saying I am very much alive and well. at the start of my first semester last year I decided to take a break from writing so that I could focus on my classes and internship and... just about everything else life had in store for me. it was initially supposed to be a short two week break, which is why I had initially never posted about it. but as more and more time went on, big (good) things kept happening in my life, and I had felt as if my mental health had additionally improved being away from tumblr. I decided that, for the sake of my mental well-being, I would not return for quite some time until I was fully stable enough to do so.

tumblr was a really weird source of turmoil in my life back then, which is kind of funny to say now that I look back on it (it sounds sooooo unserious, I know I know). I never talked about this openingly on my blog, but I did struggle a lot with my mental health, especially as someone with bpd. during the time that I wrote for saekogun, I had consistent and heavy episodes and mood swings. I knew no one else with bpd nor did I have someone I could talk about it with, so I felt a bit alone.

I felt very alone in my struggles and used tumblr as a sort of crutch and aid and it helped. immensely. but it also hurt me in different ways. I treated tumblr as a big responsibility in my life and it felt like I had a full time job as a content creator. I'm also neurodivergent and my executive function issues were beating me up without remorse. this was at a point in my life where I really did not have time for running my blog, but writing and interacting with the lovely following I had generated felt great. it was just too much for me though unfortunately, so I decided to move on.

I decided that I would keep the blog up running so that people could still enjoy it in my absence. however, one night after thinking on it for months I decided to just get rid of it. it sounds odd, but now that I was healing, that blog was just too representative and tied to a bad era of my life for me to want it to keep existing. so I banished it into the void, never to be seen again.

a lot of stuff has happened between now and then. to keep things short and sweet, I'm a lot happier now. I won't say things are absolutely perfect, because not everything can be of course, but I feel as though I've healed and grown. some amazing things have happened and for the first time in years I experienced true joy for a very long period of time. I'll stop myself from rambling before I get too cheesy and corny. but just know that it fr does get better y'all. I'm so glad I've lived long enough to a point where I can confidently say that.

I have a lot of regrets when it comes to saekogun. I definitely was not the best blog runner. I was constantly behind on asks and projects and I made lots and lots of mistakes when it came to my posting schedules and how I handled asks. I had so many asks that I never got to and made so many promises I couldn't keep. for that I deeply and utterly apologize. I do wish that I had done better and am sorry to those who've I disappointed. I thank everyone who had took the time to send something in and put time and energy into my blog.

another regret I have is not saving the color blue before I had gotten rid of the blog. that story is unfortunately lost to time itself since I don't have any portion of it saved. which sucks because if there was anything I'd continue to write about here from my old blog, it'd be that, but I have no access to it now.

I'm also sorry for anyone I have worried in my absence. I really should have made a post sooner, but I honestly had no idea what to say. I didn't know how to come back, and the longer I took to say anything, the harder it got.

I am beyond grateful for everything you've all had done for me, and for sticking around and checking up on me, and for enjoying my content in the first place. I cannot put into words how much it means to me for people to have cared about my silly little degenerate posts. from the bottom of my heart, I seriously thank you all. I also thank my sweet anons, old mutuals, and any followers who are still here.

now, onto the big question: will I ever write for this blog again? the answer is... iffy. I often fantasize about being able to write again, but the truth is I'm not into genshin anymore whatsoever, which is an issue since my primary fandom was always genshin. at some point after sumeru's initial release, I was simply just not as into the game anymore, and was too busy to actually sit down and play. I have no idea what's going on lore or game wise, and anything thats happened fandom wise either.

unfortunately, I'm not interested in getting back into genshin, so I'm very sorry to disappoint anyone who was hoping for more content like what I used to create.

however, I love writing. and I'm still really into yanderes and dark fiction as a whole. but I'm currently not into any fandoms that I think people would really be interested in so I don't think I have much to offer in terms of content. so for now, it's a... maybe? I guess we can talk about that as time goes by.

this is absolutely not to promise I'll actually be back though. I'm not sure if I'd be able to run a blog still to be honest, atleast not consistently. but I would love to drop by and post a little something every now and then and talk with you all.

thank you all once again, and thanks to whoever read this entire mess of words. listen, I'm rusty okay 😔