#Yoda is a troll

[roseaesynstylae]

Yoda pops up as a Force ghost next to Din, who notices (insert The Force Doesn't Work Like That from Mace, who is off to the side, head in hands) and promptly freaks out. "Son, what happened to you?!" It is explained that Yoda is not, in fact, Grogu, and all Din can think is oh god this is his grandpa.

[satans-side-hoe]

No one.

Absolutely no one.

Me realizing in the middle of math that Hunter has to to do all the Bad Batch’s paperwork:

[mysticaltora8276]

Yoda is a troll and I love it

Reposting my single favourite piece of official Star Wars media for no particular reason.

[cj-kenobi]

On my knees begging for anything trans!Obi-Wan :') love your work btw

your wish is my comand lovely anon, here's obi-wan having a nice peaceful moment training

[reconstructwriter]

Star Wars Fix-it: The Holonet Edition

The well-bribed algorithms of the Holonet should have relegated Tookruta1387’s clip to the tender hearts of a few friends. The days of spontaneous viral posts – without credits to grease the wheels – died not long after the rise of megacorps in the Republic. But the poster was either lucky or savvy enough to play the algorithms because “Jedi Being Cold” exploded. Screens, conversation, even news. And their post was just the start of a trend…

“Jedi Being Cold”: An old transport ship, frost coating the inside of its windows. A corner swathed in a nest of robes. Within three padawans snuggle together, fast asleep. If they were cats they’d be purring. One is purring despite a lack of feline attributes. A hand nudges them with a datastick, only for it to float away to a cloud of similar items.

“Jedi Being Cold” part 2: A snow-covered lake. One knight finishes sculpting a realistic snow tiger. Two others Force push each other like hocky pucks across the ice. One goes flying towards the statue. An expression of ‘oh crap’. Incredible, Force- assisted acrobatics deftly avoids the sculpture but crashes right into the sculptor in a tangle of limbs, sending them skidding into a snow-bank. The third Jedi pokes their head into the many-limbed hole and gets snowballed for the trouble.

“Jedi Stealing Children”: A child at a slave auction. A robed figure swoops in like a hawk, slicing through chains with their lightsaber and ripping apart cages with the Force. The camera pans to one slaver Force shoved into a cage, clearly furious as the Jedi escapes with a whole crowd of people, many children.

“Jedi Stealing Children” becomes the title for 1287 pictures, clips and gifs before someone adjusts the algorithm. This makes them surprisingly hot commodities on the Dark Holo, especially the one with a Nautolan Master dramatically fleeing the capture attempts of a horde of children – ending in one dramatic arm reaching out as kids bury him

“Jedi As Warmongers”: A young Padawan, blood splattered, has a ‘does it get better’ look on their trembling face as they stare up at their Master. The Master is even grimier and gorier as they gather their Padawan up with an ‘I’m sorry but no’. The Padawan weeps and shakes, burying their face in their Master’s robes, who has silent tears down their face. In the background is a war zone.

“Jedi as Warmongers: part 2” Has war holomovie music playing in the background as the snap-thumm of a lightsaber echoes, vivid blue piercing the dark. The blade raises over something, is brought down…over a block of cheese and loaf of bread. The Jedi padawan gleefully declares: “Grilled Cheese for all!” The sound of sprinting footsteps is heard and a dramatic “Noooo,” from a Jedi Knight.

“Jedi as Warmongers: part 3”: The music has switched to aftermath of war horror, the kitchen looks like a cheese atomic bomb hit. The children are cleaning up and one wipes cheese with bread and pops it in their mouth: “grilled cheese for all!” An adult admonishes “You spit that out right now that’s not sanitary.” In the background the Jedi Knight is doing the same thing.

“Jedi Showing Off” Is Yoda’s contribution to this mess – which is just him going through an entire stack of photo-albums on his previous padawans. He opens the last book to Dooku the Padawan when Dooku the Master barges in: “Stop this indignity immediately!” The camera shows an intense close-up of someone’s palm. “Who even taught you how to operate holo-video? –” feed cuts off.

“Jedi Dignity”: Feed resumes from a different perspective as Master Dooku – previous camera still in hand – gives Yoda and several other watching Jedi a lecture on appropriate Holonet-posting behavior. “Not appropriate baby photos are?” Yoda asks, a card-shark’s spread of pictures with Dooku’s baby face. Dooku yanks them out of Yoda’s hands. “Not without m-the person’s permission!” Does a double-take. “Are you filming –?” Horrified glower. “Mace you traitor!” Video abruptly cuts off. Permanently this time.

Not even algorithm adjustments – and there are clearly several – can stop that from becoming viral. “Mace you traitor!” becomes slang for the latest generation. Mace himself rolls with it. Dooku attempts to entomb himself in the archives until this all blows over.

Actions may speak louder than words but memes speak loudest of all.

[charmwasjess]

My absolute favorite Dooku headcanon that doesn’t appear in the books or shit but is so real to me is that he genuinely has a strong, involuntary emotional response to Yoda’s notoriously-disgusting swamp cookery. 

Like, teenage Dooku doesn’t just have Daddy Issues, he has the full subscription, and that growth spurt had to be insane on him. An extra-hungry awkward too-tall boy who is a bottomless pit of need with a bunch of family-flavored trauma?? And a parent-shaped creature is offering him filling home-cooked food along with validation?! Bring on the swamp soup. I bet he imprints on that shit so hard like a baby vulture. 

In the Master and Apprentice book, Dooku’s “thing” with his Padawans is having meals together. Did he get that tradition from Yoda? And Yoda sometimes needed to stay on Coruscant during Dooku’s training, so he was often off banging around the galaxy with Lene Kostana and Sifo-Dyas. You can almost imagine how getting back to the Temple and reconnecting with his Master over a meal would be a thing. 

It also kind of vibes delightfully with Yoda in ESB taking one look at gangly-ass Luke and immediately trying to cook for him/feed him. And seeming genuinely confused when he doesn’t like it. Oh, a needy, lost, half-grown human with more Force ability than sense? He has just the recipe!

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

YODA ADORES BABIES AND BABIES LOVE HIM BACK OKAY

LIKE HE'S ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTED TO MEET BABY GHEYR.

"No need for tears, little one. Safe, you are." 😭😭 And that 'waaaah' she's making? Have you ever heard a baby squealing because they're overwhelmed by their own happiness? That's what I'm hearing it as and I'm dying. He probably held her all the way back to Coruscant and made funny faces so she'd laugh okay don't touch me I'm weak for Jedi and orphaned babies

[rendomski]

Yoda meets a couple of unnamed troopers.

Yoda: Big Dick and Little Dick you name I.

Troopers: But, sir, we… we all have the same…

Yoda: In the Force, very different each of you are.

[thebibliomancer]

This isn’t the worst encounter Grievous has with a member of the Jedi Council.

But it’s definitely embarrassing

[catgriller]

My Favourite Force Ghosts as Trolls

[ribbonaroundthebomb]

I’m sure Vandar’s lines are written in the widely accepted SVO English/galactic Basic syntax because it was less work for the game writers. However, it’s much funnier to imagine that everyone else in Yoda’s species also speaks Basic like that, and Yoda is just doing a centuries-long bit.

[darthmalewife]

Mace Windu is indeed a very calm, grounded man but you have never seen him stub a toe and you've never seen his reaction to Yoda laughing at said stubbing of toe

[briliantlymad]

Actually, I was one of the kids that watched star wars from ep 1 to 6 because I thought that was the order of things. So I got super attached to anakin skywalker.

He was my baby girl. My blorbo. My ray of sunshine with his little quips and adorable hair and cool saber moves.

Got so attached in the sense that I genuinely cried ruined my mood was fucked up after he fell to the dark side and padme died

✌️😔

And then I watched eps 3-6 hoping praying rolling around on the floor for a good redemption arc only for him to die in the end without ever truly knowing his kids. My baby girl. My pathetic soggy man.

I mourned for what he could've been. I was hurt and felt sad for what he was.

I was also annoyed because I did it again. I got attached to a fictional character so much that it genuinely hurt

🌟SO NOW🌟

I live in a delusional world where I pick things from canon I like and reject the rest.

Wdym Ani died? He's right there? He's giving the twins a saber lesson right in front of me.

[smolsaltypan]

Since baby Yoda is actually Grogu its got me thinking, whatt would an actual baby Yoda look like? I choose to believe he's grogu-esque as they're the same species but he's got stark white troll doll hair that's impossible to get rid of (many have tried. It grows back the next day. Like a stubborn fungus.)

[originaljediinjeans]

bold of you to assume the archives don't have cozy little nooks and chairs for napping meditation spots

Tbh the archives look like a great place for a nap…

[mthomasapple]

Trolling trolls rarely works

On March 13th, someone on Goodreads shelved Bringer of Light, and on March 14th gave it a one-star rating, the lowest possible. On March 15th, Bringer of Light was finally published online. I flagged the “review” as violating Goodreads policy, and received an email saying the company would deal with it appropriately. Six days later, the one-star “review” still stands. It’s been very tempting…