#Yes I realize those two contradict each other but what am I meant to write when

[mossy-morg]

Artfight revenge on @kito-kat! I just had to after the art they made of Starchaser! Like, look!

This is xir's art! It's so pretty! Makes me want to AGHVGSHBD (also Kito tell me if wan't me to not have your piece up)

[belfrygargoyles]

*whispers* I would like to hear what you have to say on reader inserts in the SW fandom because I too have a problem with them and I feel like not enough people are calling it out 👉👈

I’ve made a few posts about it in the past but I think it’s high time I actually Do This and really get into it.

Before I start: 1) This will be in specific reference to fanfiction written for the Star Wars fandom, particularly tcw and the mandalorian eras, 2) A lot of the issues come down to racist fetishization of men of color by white women; I am white, so there is much that is simply not my place to make statements on. What I can speak most on is my take from the gender side of things.

I’d honestly recommend reading this post by @nibeul with addition by @clonehub first, as they discuss the core issue with reader inserts in the Star Wars fandom.

And 3) some of this will involve discussion of sexual acts (as they relate to fanfiction) and sexual fantasies. These discussions will be non-explicit, and no pornographic text or content will be displayed.

Also. I’m GNC and nonbinary. I’m also a very feminine looking person that falls under the generalization of “small and petite.” I don’t have dysphoria, I like my body and the traits I have, and treating them like inherently female sends me into a blind fury. This is, unfortunately, important.

For the sake of making sure I come across as clearly as possible, I will be writing as though the reader of this post has never read or is broadly unfamiliar with reader-insert fanfiction.

Without further ado.

Hey, Star Wars reader insert fic writers? Please get your shit together.

INTRODUCTION

I’ve been reading reader-insert fanfiction since I was a grade schooler waking up early to check Quizilla. I love it! It got me into fandom, kept me engaged, helped me make and develop some of my oldest OCs, and it’s just fun to read and write- it’s like a self-indulgent little gift you can give to a bunch of people all at once. Because who doesn’t like the idea of starring in their own little adventure, usually alongside some of their favorite characters? It can be fun, immersive, get you attached in ways other ways of fandom interaction may not, make you feel just a little bit special, or be a way to express some feelings you might have about canon and the way the story went.

Like any form of fiction, it ends up saying more about the author’s feelings than anything else, whether the author realizes it or not. For many, many authors of reader-insert fanfiction, the primary enjoyment comes from writing “themselves” into the story- before the readers, the author most often makes the “reader character” someone they, themselves, can relate to and substitute for themselves. They write to live out a self-indulgent fantasy they have, and their readers can come along for the ride.

Some writers do actually try to write as diverse or as vague of a reader character as possible- as few details about the body, identity, etc. as possible so anyone could superimpose their image without the narrative directly contradicting it. This is not the kind of reader insert author I will be discussing.

The kind of author I will be discussing is the one most common in the Star Wars tag on Ao3: White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women who assume all of their readers are also White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women. Yes, you can tell.

ISSUE: fetishization of men of color

Again, this post puts it in the best words, but there is a rampant problem with Star Wars reader-inserts, particularly those involving the clones, Boba Fett, and Din Djarin, fetishizing characters played by men of color as either “physically aggressive and threatening, hypersexual and dominant, big strong men who are scary because they do violence and fuck constantly when they’re not” or “completely inexperienced baby who doesn’t know anything about things and needs a gentle nurturing guiding touch to introduce him to the mere idea of a vagina.” The former is common across all of them, the latter most common among clone trooper fics or Din/Reader.

I went into the Boba Fett/Reader tag on Ao3, because I like him and hoped to find something alright. Here are some stats I tallied up (give or take some) based solely on tags, summaries, and warnings:

There are 284 works in the Boba Fett/Reader category as of the time of this post.

198/284 are rated E for explicit sexual content. 69.7% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are sexually explicit.

259/284 are in the F/M category. 91.2% of all Boba Fett/Reader works involve an explicitly female or AFAB reader.

24/284 are tagged with or mention “Age difference,” “Older man/Younger woman,” “Innocence kink” or “Virginity kink.” 8.4% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are written explicitly with an age gap, with Boba Fett as the older party

26/198 E rated fics are tagged with or make reference to “Daddy kink” or involve the reader being called some variation of “little girl” by Boba. 13% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader are daddy kink fics, or allude to Boba Fett being a daddy dom/sugar daddy.

102/198 E rated fics are tagged as, make reference to, or suggest in the summary that Boba Fett takes a dominant sexual role with a submissive reader involving rough or painful play, or make reference to Boba Fett being frightening, physically intimidating, having a power dynamic over the reader, or being possessive or violent. 51.51% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader portray Boba Fett as sexually dominant and/or enacting use of physical force or pain play.

Just using this as an example, because it’s the easiest stats I can gather and also what made me realize there was a pattern.

The problem isn’t even necessarily that people write explicit fic about Boba- it’s that 1) over half of all fics in the category are explicitly pornographic, and 2) the way those pornographic fics are written. The two things compound on each other. They’re dominance fantasies projected onto a character of color in which he becomes extremely sexual, physically rough with the reader, possessive, and demeaning towards a reader character who is always written as White, AFAB, and petite.

This brings me to the next issue.

ISSUE: The way sexual relationships are portrayed.

Let me clarify so there is no chance of me being misunderstood: sex is good. Liking and wanting and enjoying sex isn’t bad. It is not bad if you are AFAB and have submissive fantasies. It is not bad to be sexually attracted to a man of color. You can write about sex even if you haven’t had it. Writing about sex can be a good way to express some more complicated feelings you could have about certain things. It doesn’t even have to be realistic. It has its time and it has its place.

This being said.

Sexual relationships as they are portrayed in the vast majority of E-rated Star Wars reader inserts are… not great.

The reader is always AFAB. I can think of maybe one fic off the top of my head where an AFAB reader was written with they/them pronouns and not just she/her.

The reader is almost always submissive, the dominant character is almost always portrayed as cis male. Even when the characters are supposed to just be having spontaneous casual sex, D/S or BDSM aspects will be introduced with no prior discussion or talks about it afterwards. Sometimes characters will start using dirty talk and it just does not fit at all, but it’s what the author thought was hot.

Sometimes, it just reads like a quick smutty oneshot. More often than that, it reads like the author doesn’t realize that sex… isn’t always a dom/sub thing. Or that someone can take the lead in sex and that doesn’t automatically make them a dom.

It’s not bad to be inexperienced. It’s not bad to have preferences or kinks or specific turn-ons.

But it gets… tiring to read, over and over and over and over, because that’s all there is.

That and… I dunno, it just has me a little worried? It doesn’t make me feel good knowing so many people can only portray a sexual relationship if it’s dom/sub. I don’t know why it makes me so uneasy.

Vanilla sex isn’t a bad thing I promise. It's this feeling of insistence that something "spicy" absolutely has to happen for it to be worth writing that gives... some weird vibes.

I’m going to move on to the next Big-

ISSUE: Every “reader” character is exactly the same

By which I mean the following:

Always cis AFAB female

If a character is written with gender neutral pronouns they will always be AFAB and written like Girl Lite

I have never seen an explicitly stated nonbinary/gnc reader character unless it was a request specifically for a nonbinary reader

I have never seen a gender neutral reader insert fic where the reader was AMAB

I have seen a grand total of 1 cis male reader fic and 1 trans male reader fic. The trans male reader fic was about dysphoria.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following backstories: slave/runaway, mechanic, medic, ex-Rebel, secret Jedi, bounty hunter.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following personality traits: throws knives, babysitter, completely civilian, WOMAN, says curse words.

The reader is never written with any narrative agency- things only ever happen to the reader character or around the reader character, they are never written to take charge and actually affect things on their own. Essentially the sexy lamp trope.

Remember when I said the majority of people writing Star Wars reader-insert fanfic on Ao3 were White, cisgender AFAB women who are gender-conforming and able-bodied? This is how you can tell.

It’s at this point where you can tell they’re really not meant to be reader-inserts, but author-inserts with the names removed- they were only meant for a very narrow selection of readers.

I’m nonbinary, I’m gnc, and I’m a very feminine looking person, generally speaking. I’m used to people looking at me and assuming oh, girl. I’m at peace with that.

I can barely stand reading some of these fics just because of how much the author emphasizes that the reader is FEMALE shes a WOMAN with BOOBS and a VAGINA and FEMININE WILES. There’s barely ever even a chance to give myself room to mentally vault over all the “she”s and “her”s because then I’m getting hit with Din or someone calling the reader “girl” or “the woman.” It’s unbearable, and I even fall into the general description every fucking fic author uses for their generic protagonist!

Even with the “gender-neutral reader” fics, it is just. Painfully clear that they just wrote a female character and changed the pronouns- no, there is no such thing as “male behavior” or “female behavior,” and I quite heartily rebel against the concept of gender essentialism. And honestly, I can barely even begin piecing together how I know it and what it feels like, because it’s just one of those vague conglomerates of cues and writing patterns I can’t consciously pick up on but I know it’s there- it’s frustrating, it’s demeaning, and it feels like you’d have to threaten these authors at gunpoint to get them to write a reader character who was any major deviation from the same three cutouts they use every time.

It seems like they can’t possibly force themselves to write a reader character who isn’t meek and submissive or has the sole personality traits of “mean and can hit things”- you can actually strike a balance between “absolutely no personality” and “fleshed out oc” you know? And you don’t actually have to tell the reader what their hair looks like or how full their figure is

It’s like 2:20 AM and I started this at like 8something PM but.

I’m someone who loves reader-inserts. I enjoy them. I still check for new ones regularly. I’ve been reading them for well over half my life now.

So many of these authors are just locked in on exactly one way to write things and it fucking shows. It’s like a self-feeding loop, they just keep writing the same things and the same dynamics because they see each other doing it and they never think about taking a step back.

It’s… exhausting. I’m exhausted. If you’re a reader-insert fic writer and you want to improve your reader character inclusivity and have also read this far, you can DM me or shoot me an ask.

[i-donot-forget]

“Anger Control”

Eldarya New Era OS Erika x Lance NSFW

This is the first time I write NSFW, in this story there is no love because it is difficult for me to imagine a fairy tale scenario between the two of them, so this is my vision of their relationship, which has feelings but nothing is ideal.

warning, NSFW content under cut

Leaning against the wall next to the council door, I sighed as I moved my foot insistently, I had been waiting for almost an hour to talk to Huang Hua, I was not hiding my anger, so at least no one who saw the rage in my face dared to ask me anything, unconsciously each gesture and movement I made was louder than the previous one, hoping that someone would listen to me and deign to come out and see what the scandal was… Hopefully it's Huang Hua, I was ready to yell at her everything that I was no longer going to keep saving and that she surely deserved, a thousand fights and imaginary discussions in my head gave me victory, this time she was going to listen to me.

My heart raced when I heard someone heading to the door, my hands trembled a little but I wasn't going to waver, when it finally opened I was left with my protest stuck in my throat when I saw Lance. I blew all the air into my lungs in disappointment, while he shot me a questioning look and then checked that there was not a soul in sight.

- What are you doing? -

- I need to speak to Huang Hua as soon as possible. -

I couldn't help clenching my jaw when I said her name and my hard tone made my humor more than evident. Lance didn't take that suspicious look away from me for a few long seconds, like he was thinking about something in particular.

- Can you tell her I have to talk to her? -

His silence began to exasperate me, he just stood there looking at me like i was speaking in another language.

- Will you just stand there? Do not worry, I'll do. -

I reached out to grasp the doorknob, but Lance grabbed my wrist and dragged me into the alchemy room that was right next door. Accompanied only by an infinity of compounds, elixirs, potions, ingredients and utensils, now it was me who was looking at him insistently confused.

- What are you doing? -

I stood a few steps from the entrance as Lance walked slowly observing everything and nothing, he took a long sigh and finally spoke with his back to me.

- Yes... regarding talking to Huang Hua, I don't think this is the time, you should think about it a bit before doing so. -

- Sage advice, I don't remember asking for your opinion. -

I only saw him from behind but I knew very well that he had a mocking smile on his face, the tone of his voice so serious and slow from him was beginning to annoy me.

- I think you have to calm down first. -

Oh no… I knew that tone well, he turned to look at me and his blue eyes were fixed on me with such intensity that I slightly lost my composure, my breath trembled, all with one look. I swallowed involuntarily, it is best to get out of here before...

- No, I will go talk to Huang Hua. -

Determined, I turned my back on him but when I opened the door I was completely paralyzed when I felt him firm footsteps approaching me.

- No? Since when did you have the wherewithal to contradict me? I said, you have to calm down first. -

Sensing his presence behind me sent a chill down my spine, Lance put his right hand on the door next to my face, brushing my hair and closing the door slowly, without making a sound.

- W-we can't be here... Huang Chu... -

- Huang Chu and Ewelein went on a mission a few hours ago. -

With his left hand he surrounded me and locked the laboratory from the inside.

- If Huang Chu is not here, we cannot lock ourselves here ... -

- Nobody knows yet that she's not there. These are the advantages of being Chief... -

He whispered those words in my ear, his breath caressed my skin causing me to sigh, I still had my hand on the doorknob, I couldn't move or didn't really want to move. He put his right hand over mine, lacing our fingers over the knob and dragging it slowly across the surface until my arm was fully extended over my head. An exclamation of surprise escaped my lips when with a quick movement he did the same with my left arm, he had me immobilized between the door and his body. My hands trembled under his grip, my whole being shuddered and surrendered to his will. He pressed his mouth to my ear whispering so softly it seemed to purr making my skin crawl.

- Come on Erika… Are you already shaking? And I've barely put a finger on you... -

He held my wrists with one hand as he lowered the other, brushing my skin, my arms caressing my breasts and every sensitive corner of me that he already knew so well. How do we get to this point? In which I let Lance submit me to his will and pleasure, strange how this was the only way we had managed to channel all of our frustration and resentment in a less... dangerous way, how our heated arguments have turned into sneaky encounters. I used him to release my anger and he forgot his stormy past by sweating in my arms, but of course it was just sex. Suddenly all my senses exploded and they concentrated on his fingers sliding down my crotch, my body twisted, letting out a sigh of pleasure as the heat began to take over my interior, I shuddered with each slight movement and I could feel how he enjoyed having me like this... pushing myself further and further to the limit, I could barely control my ragged breathing which quickly turned into involuntary moans that Lance seemed to feed on.

- Shhhhh, you don't want someone to listen to you. -

He accelerated the pace of my torture forcing me to press my hips against his, he released my wrists only to immobilize me again holding my hands against my back, trapping me even more against the door, I turned my head despered for the air I needed to reach my climax and Lance caught my mouth with his sending a wave of pleasure through my body that finally made me come.

My legs were shaking and I could barely stand gasping for air, I felt Lance release me from his grip even though I couldn't recover, so I couldn't resist when he turned me around to face him, or when he got rid of the garments that prevented him from melting into me, he hugged my waist tightly before getting up and looking into my eyes as he slid inside me causing a cry of pleasure that echoed throughout the laboratory I clung to his neck and hugged him with my legs feeling his whole body tremble, he put his forehead on mine and his gaze turned me on, his dilated pupils reflect that lust that had become like a drug to me, he began to press my insides increasing his rhythm so fast that he had to kiss me otherwise all the HQ would have heard me, I felt his grip grow stronger and savage, his gasping breath stuck to my neck tempting me to take him to his limit, it was only enough my hands were scratching his back, my legs pressing desperately on his waist and my voice full of desire calling his name for him to come inside me giving me a moan so delicious that it could only be improved knowing that it was only for me... and because of me.

While I was fixing my clothes and catching my breath, I was thoughtful for a moment looking at his backs that just a few minutes ago I was scratching desperately.

- What are you thinking? -

- Not at all ... I was wondering what this means to you. -

- This? -

I thought I saw him exclaim amused, I looked at him insistently so that he realized that my question was serious.

- Yes, this, I want to know what you think. -

- Well… it is, a liberating exercise. -

- Exercise? So am I like a gym? -

- What is a gym? It doesn't matter, my point is that we have sex, we get along better or at least enough to be able to work together and we both have fun right? -

I looked at him for a few seconds, analyzing his words, he must have felt uncomfortable because he completely avoided my gaze as I scrutinized him.

- Yes of course. -

- Well then, see you tonight? -

He looked at me with a half smile and a raised eyebrow, I wanted to see if he could keep that calm.

- Hmm, I can't tonight, I have... another appointment. -

- Appointment? I didn't know you had... -

- It's nothing serious, it's just a drink. -

- You don't have to explain. -

- Well, see you then... -

I passed in front of him with a smile, which he normally returned to me but not this time, he was staring at the door, thoughtful and very serious, almost annoyed. He was jealous? No... how ridiculous. I laughed to myself before leaving the alchemy room.

That night I was going back to my room accompanied by Mathieu, he had been insisting that the two of us go have a drink together, and when I could not refuse anymore, I was surprised to spend such a pleasant evening, we had drunk and I had laughed until I gave no more , I had not realized how much I missed having a conversation with someone who understood all, or at least most of my references and being the two of us alone, Mat showed me a much less extravagant side and let me know him a little more. At the end of the night I plopped down on my bed, which added to the alcohol made my whole room spin, but suddenly everything came back to focus when I felt a violent knock on my door, I jumped in fright and couldn't even stand up when Lance broke into my room.

- What do you think you're doing!? You can't come into MY room like this! What if someone sees you? -

- Is that what worries you then that "someone" will see me? Or that Mathieu sees me? -

- You're spying on me? -

- No... I was returning to my room when I saw him...-

- So you’re jealous. -

- What!? No! But if you're going to be with someone else, I'd like you to tell me directly. -

- But what? I'm not "with" Mathieu, we just taked a drink and talked, nothing more. -

- I already told you that you owe me no explanation. -

- And still it's the second time in the day that I feel like you're asking me for... Lance I tried to be direct, I asked you what this meant to you ... and I feel like I have to ask again. Lance What do you want? -

The fury in his eyes faded, as if now he didn't dare to speak, he who has never minded or hesitated to say what he thought, now was cowering in front of me.

- And then? -

- I-I… Erika I, I just want to be able to spend the night with you, sleep next to you and be able to leave your room in the morning no matter who sees me. -

His words took me by surprise, totally unprepared, without my defenses and under the influence of alcohol ... very bad combination.

- What's stopping you? -

- You are the savior and I-

- You what?

He kept avoiding me, avoiding my eyes. What was it that was so difficult for him to tell me? I wouldn't let him go until he told me.

- It’s n-not easy ... -

His voice was so muffled that I couldn't hear more than a whisper.

- What? What did you say? -

- That it's not easy Erika ... that's what happens, it's not easy for me... besides, you never wanted anyone to know about us. -

- Let everyone know what? What do we have sex? Well, sorry for wanting to keep my personal life private, and is it really difficult for you? I killed you? Or is it the fact that you killed me that "complicates" you so much? For you? What the hell do you think is going through my head then Lance? Do you have any idea how many levels I feel that what we are doing is wrong? I think I should hate myself, I swore to hate you and kill you, but of course... for you it is difficult.-

- I killed you and in return you saved my life ... -

I watched him for any trace of sarcasm in his words, that it was a joke and he didn't really think that.

- That I save you? -

- You should have saved him and instead here I am trying to ... -

He laughed wryly without ending his phrase while the crossed feelings that all this provoked in me were throwing me out of control leading me to choose the worst words.

- I did not save you... and if I could have chosen, it would have been him always. I would ALWAYS have chosen Valkyon over you, without hesitation. -

I felt as if all my emotions were stuck in my throat painfully, it was so much that it hurt, I turned my back on him feeling that I would break at any moment but it couldn't be now, not in front of him. I rubbed my arms with my hands trying to comfort myself, I just wanted him to go away...

- I know… -

A whisper from beyond the grave escaped his lips before Lance left my room, the sound of the door echoed between the 4 walls and suddenly everything looked darker and colder, I better go to sleep tomorrow I have a mission

[zodiyack]

In Regards Of My Stupidity

Pairing: Niklaus Mikaelson x Female!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff

Words: 1,670

Summary: Left alone in his empty castle with guilt, memories, and Hayley and his siblings’ words of advice to keep him company, Klaus hopes to reconcile with the woman he loved and betrayed.

Note: I suck at words.

Taglist: @matth1w​, @redspaceace-writes​, @fandom-puff​, @jenepleurepasbaby​, @darling-i-read-it​, @simonsbluee​, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow​, @dpaccione​

Masterlist | The Originals Masterlist

Part One. Part Two. Part Three.

He attempted many ways of apologizing without having to verbally admit anything. Klaus wrote a letter, then two, then three, then four, then gave up when he’d ripped out every page in the notebook out of frustration with his lack of words. Then he tried thinking up some form of speech, one he could memorize then recite to her. He fantasized of preforming it with the ending of her running into his arms and them riding of into the sunset to live their happily ever after again.

But even that was a bust. He couldn’t think of anything, nor could his mouth agree with his brain. Each word seemed to contradict one another. Every replacement he made for the words that clashed only had the same affect. He tried and tried until all the words jumbled up into a heap of disappointment.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered softly, like Y/n could hear him even though she wasn’t there, as he rubbed his forehead. All Klaus wanted was his wife back but to do so, he needed to apologize, which meant admitting quite a lot of things. It became a challenge. Especially with Klaus being as stubborn as he was.

To atone for everything he’d done wrong under the influence of Aurora would require something much greater than just “I’m sorry”. Allowing Aurora the power of having him under her influence at all deserved thousands of apologies greater than those two meek words.

He needed to think.

Klaus went outside, breathing in the New Orleans’ air. He felt much more at peace, but not because he could breathe the fresh air. As he closed his eyes, listening to the gentleness of the serene night, controlling his breathing and taking in the world with an empty mind, he imagined his happiness, his home.

“Do you like it?” Klaus snuck up behind her, placing his hands over hers on the railing, lacing their fingers, and leaned into her. She rested her head back onto his shoulder.

“I love it.”

1918 was a good year. It was the one before his father drove them out of New Orleans. He’d been proud of the town they’d made, and he promised Y/n that it was there that they would reign. She kept him grounded, and for the first time in forever, he was ready to be the good brother.

He lifted his arms, lifting hers as well, and wrapped them around her frame, holding her closer. Craning his neck, he peppered kisses along her neck before reaching her ear and whispering, “It’s ours, my love.”

She moved her head to face him, causing him to move his own back a bit in order for them to make eye contact. “Are you being serious? I swear, Klaus, if this is some bloody joke-” He chuckled and cut her off by pressing his lips to hers. Her words were almost instantly forgotten as their lips molded together passionately.

The need for air separated them but gifted Niklaus the opportunity to speak. “I promise you, love, I’m being serious. This,” he let go of one of her hands and extended his newly freed arm to the world around them, “this is ours. It is mine, and it is yours. This is the place where we shall be safe from harm forever. It’s a place we can finally call, home.”

He promised her New Orleans was a permanent setting. Only a year later, Mikael showed up and turned his promise to shit. Y/n assured him with a teary eyed grin that it would be alright. Pressing kisses to his face and reminding him that they were alive, she promised it wasn’t his fault. He’d asked what they were going to do and she merely smiled.

She told him they’d wing it.

The apology was ready, but not in a sense he had confidence in. He left his home feeling a lack of fortitude but continued forward nonetheless. It was time he owned up to the promise he lovingly made long ago and atoned to the mistakes he blindly made recently.

Klaus decided he would wing it.

“Niklaus.” Elijah greeted emotionlessly. “I’ll retrieve Y/n.” He returned inside but didn’t come back out. Instead, Y/n took his place, but stood further from Rosseau’s than he was to avoid them hearing their conversation.

“It’s nice to see you ag-”

“Please,” she couldn’t bring her eyes to his, at least, not that very second. They were so full with her sadness threatening to seep out in the form as little droplets that would slide down her skin. “Just...get on with it.”

He understood the lack of ill-intentions behind her words and urgency. A calming breath filled, then left, his chest. And then, he obliged. “I...I was uh...I was dumb and... And I should’ve been a better husband and...” His nerves destroyed whatever bravery he had left in “winging” his apology. Sweaty palms, dry mouth, shaky hands and butterfly filled stomach, how was he ever going to get through this?

Moments had gone by and the tension grew thicker. He could see that Y/n began to grow annoyed, understandable with his drawn out stalling. Klaus had to say something. Preferably something that wouldn’t worsen his situation.

But he was Klaus.

“I understand that I hurt you-”

“Understand that you hurt me? You have yet to even ask me how I felt! You can’t empathize with something you only know one side of.”

Her words were true. The only thing he could think to say were her own words, too far late too matter though. “H-how did you feel?”

“You want to know how I felt, Nik?”

“Yes.”

“Let me ask you this; have you any idea the pain it caused me to even think about moving on from you? Hayley told me it was more than likely going to happen one day and that I should try when the time comes that I feel as though the ache of not having you in my life is too much for even me to bear, but I cannot picture myself with another man. I cannot fathom a life in which I am wrongfully torn from you, or torn from you at all, generally speaking.”

“Does that-”

“No,” She winced and clenched her eyes shut, “Klaus.” She opened her eyes and made eye contact with him. He saw the sorrow that drowned in her e/c orbs, and his heart broke a little more. “That does not mean I’m willing to just forgive and forget. I want to be with you again, I want to be by your side forever and always, just like I vowed to be but-”

“We can go home-”

“Can you just listen for one fucking second!” She cried out, disbelief strewn across her face. “I have been by your side whenever you needed me to be, even in times where you were too pigheaded to admit that you needed someone. I may never be confident in my ability to brave life without you, but hopefully, I never have to.”

A sigh left her mouth, “So...if you have something to say, do so now...please.” Their eyes reconnected as she waited in anticipation for him to speak his mind.

“I...I don’t...” He couldn’t think of anything. “Just...please, come back with me?”

She scoffed and turned away, eyes red and face scrunched with pain. He fucked it up more. She believed in him. She believed he’d fix it. And so did he.

Then, faster than the speed of light, it hit him. It hit him like a bus, or an anvil over his head like in a cartoon, a lightbulb over his head and exclamation points around his noggin. “Wait!”

Y/n paused but didn’t turn to face him.

“I- I don’t need you to come back with me. I don’t need to go there with you either. I just need...to be with you.” He shrugged with watery eyes and a shaky voice. “I was stupid, blind and mulish. Cowardly, if you will.” He threw his hands up then let them drop to his side.

“I will never forgive myself for hurting you, even if we move on from this, some part of me will always carry the guilt of every time we quarrel. It is unlike us to be so far gone for so long, however, it has opened my eyes to see...” he sucked in a breath, “to see that this time, among all others, I did the unforgivable.”

Klaus sped in front of Y/n, catching her off guard slightly. He took her hands in his. Though she didn’t fight him, she still avoided his eyes. “When I married you, I vowed to be there for you, through thick and thin, I vowed to be loyal and trusting and honest, just as you have been to me, but I failed you. I failed you, love, when I did the worst thing a husband could do.”

“Well...” she laughed lightly, sniffling through a few fallen tears, “it wasn’t the worst, but it was a fucking shit thing to do.”

They chuckled together and her eyes finally met his. “I love you, Y/n, I really do. I look at you and I see the woman of my dreams, my world...I promised you New Orleans was our home, but, when I look at you, I see my true home. Not some silly little place from a time in history, but the woman who I want to spend my immortality with. The woman whom I never deserved yet was chosen by, of all people, to spend her immortality with.”

“And I’d do it again.” She smiled sweetly, drawing a smile of his own. “Even if you are a stubborn bastard,” he held a sheepish grin, “I still love you.”

Even if Mikael ruined Klaus’ promise of a home, he learned that the promise wasn’t about New Orleans. Taking a poetic turn, he came to the realization that she was his home, and he, hers. And now, he was finally coming home.

[kittyprincessofcats]

I finished RWBY Volume 5!!

Loved it!! After volume 4 was (understandably) a bit slower-paced, I didn’t expect things to get intense and serious this quickly, but I’m glad they did! I have so many thoughts I wanted to write down, so here we go:

[There will be spoilers for RWBY up to Volume 5 in this post (duh). Please don’t leave spoilers for anything after Volume 5 on this post, otherwise I will block you.]

- I have to say, I definitely liked Cinder more when she wasn’t talking. During Volume 4, I kind of started feeling bad for her on some level, but then she got better and started being her old condescending, power-hungry self and I was like… nevermind, I hate you again.

- Qrow being super drunk when he first brings Oscar home was absolutely hilarious.

- Yang is SO COOL. Have I mentioned that she’s so cool? Like wow, I wish I was that cool! The bike, the new (amazing) outfit, the way she just punched that creepy guy and walked right up to her mom’s bandit camp making demands of her – she’s so cool and I’m here for it.

- Yang and Weiss’ reunion was so sweet! 😭 I was waiting for literally any of Team RWBY’s members to reunite and that got me right in the feels! (Also, I loved the whole “Wait, your mom kidnapped me?” “Wait, you kidnapped her?” exchange - brilliant 😂.)

- Ruby’s reunion with Yang and Weiss was so sweet, too! 😭 Tears were definitely shed over reunions in this volume! And it was so nice to finally have most of Team RWBY and what’s left of Team JNPR back together and see them bond and catch up with each other 😭. Found family back together! It’s what they deserve!

- Yang being so angry at Blake for leaving makes perfect sense, imo, especially considering her own abandonment issues. And even more so considering that she lost that arm while protecting Blake. Also, I don’t think it’s reading too much into it to say that Yang and Blake’s interactions and their storyline together have had romantic undertones since volume 2. (And no, I’m not just saying that because I ship Bumbleby; it’s the other way around – I ship Bumbleby because those romantic undertones were there in the first place.) So yeah, Yang always tried to help and support Blake, lost an arm protecting her from her abusive ex, and then Blake just left – I get why Yang’s hurt and angry. And that moment where she goes from complaining about how she just wants to be there for Blake, before finally admitting “What if I needed her there for me?” - that’s a really good moment for Yang, even beyond the romantic subtext. It’s nice to see Yang admit that she also wants someone else to be there for her, that she wants to receive that same love and care in return.

- I also want to point out that it’s nice to see how far Weiss has come since volume one. She really took a level in kindness and became a lot more mature, to the point where she’s now giving Yang relationship advice. It’s really nice to see.

- Ruby’s talk with Oscar about Penny and Pyrrha really got me teary eyed.

- I wasn’t that fond of Sun at first, but he had some really great moments in this volume, so he’s starting to grow on me now. I still don’t ship him with Blake, but their friendship is sweet.

- And now, let’s talk about THE standout character of the whole volume for me: ILIA!! Holy hell, I love everything about her! You know how some characters grow on you over time, and then there are those characters that you see one episode with and they just become instant favourites? That second one was Ilia for me. I watched Blake’s character short before Volume 5 and the moment I heard her backstory she jumped right to the top of my favourite character list without question AND I started shipping her and Blake right away. (Yes, I love Bumbleby and all, but I’m a multishipper. I’m perfectly capable of equally loving two ships that contradict each other.)

- It’s just – Ilia and Blake’s dynamic got me hooked! Not to compare everything to my OTP (Catra and Adora from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power), but let me quickly make this comparison: Two girls who grew up together, were both members of a certain evil organization until one of them left it and the other didn’t, now they’re on opposing sides and have to fight each other, but they still clearly care about each other. Plus, there are confirmed romantic feelings from at least one side there. I know many people (including myself) have compared Bumbleby to Catradora before – because you’ve got one blonde jock and one catgirl – but when it comes to the dynamic and the backstory, Blake and Ilia (what’s that ship called? Catmeleon, I think?) resemble Catradora even more. And it’s just the kind of dynamic I’m weak for.

(Honestly, it’s kind of funny how predictable I am both when it comes to favourite characters and favourite ships. My sister, who got me into both She-Ra and RWBY, took one look at Catra years ago and immediately predicted that I would love her. And when she first saw Ilia, she also immediately knew she’d be one of my favourites. Basically, my sister once described my “type” of favourite characters as “troubled, cute and gay” and that pretty much sums it up.)

- Speaking of troubled, cute, and gay: I’m glad RWBY finally has some CANON LGBT representation! Hell yes for that! Honestly, I interpreted Ilia’s feelings for Blake as romantic right away, but I wondered if it was just bait or my usual tendency to see romantic undertones in any interaction between two girls. But then that “I wanted you to look at me that way” line happened and… WOW. Yes. Amazing, talented, brilliant, never been done before, showstopping, incredible. I’m 100% sold on both the ship and Ilia as a character.

(One more thing before I change topics: I try to keep these posts positive and not get into discourse too much (since I’ve heard there was (is?) a lot of discourse in the RWBY fandom – but I took just one look into the tag for Volume 5 and immediately saw people arguing that Ilia’s not good representation because she’s a villain. And I just want to quickly address why that’s nonsense, in my opinion (and before you ask, yes I am a lesbian myself): First of all, she’s not even a full-blown villain. She’s clearly shown as confused and misguided from the beginning. And her feelings for Blake are never portrayed as a negative thing. She also has a redemption literally two episodes after being revealed to be queer. And in general, I don’t think queer villains are necessarily a bad thing and I’m tired of queer characters not being allowed to be flawed. How come straight characters get to just exist, but any queer character better be a shining beacon of morality or else they’re bad representation? I agree that RWBY should introduce more queer characters to balance things out a bit, but I wouldn’t say Ilia was bad representation by herself, since she’s a character I think we’re meant to have sympathy for.

- Now I just hope that future volumes of RWBY don’t pull a Bury Your Gays and kill Ilia off... I’d really hate that. (No spoilers on this post, please!)

- The entire fight at the Belladonnas’ house had me so on edge the whole time. I thought someone (most likely one or both of Blake’s parents) was going to die any second. Basically, the ending of volume 3 burned me and now I constantly expect characters to die. I’m glad it all (mostly) turned out well!

- Blake’s speech to the Faunus might have made me a bit emotional. That was a really great moment for her.

- And then there were those final episodes… WOW. Like I said, I really didn’t expect everything to go down so quickly (or for the ending to be that happy – like I said, volume 3 burned me.)

- Jaune unlocking his semblance was nice! And I’m proud of myself for having correctly predicted that he’d have some sort of healing powers. (I was waiting for him to unlock some healing semblance back when Qrow got injured in Volume 4 – I’m glad it finally happened!)

- I was worried about Weiss for a second, then I realized there’s no way she can die since I’ve already seen pictures of her outfit in later volumes. (Plus, I’m pretty sure if a main character had died, I’d have been unable to completely avoid spoilers about it. So those 4 are pretty much the only ones I’m not that worried about.)

- Raven is a really cool and interesting character, but an awful person. (I got so angry at her when she blasted Ruby after Ruby was just so nice to her*. How dare you, lady?) I love her design, though!

[*EDIT: I just rewatched it and realized that it was Cinder who blasted Ruby, Raven just created the portal. Point still stands, tough.]

- The plot twist of who the Spring Maiden really is was EPIC. Really loved that reveal! (And I honestly didn’t see it coming.) Though I have to say, I feel really bad for Vernal, and for the previous Spring Maiden.

- The Cinder VS Raven fight was absolutely epic and just stunning to watch visually. I was wondering if we’d ever get a maiden vs maiden battle, and that scene more than delivered! And while I don’t particularly like either of them, I was definitely rooting for Raven in that fight.

- I’m not sure if Cinder really died there. If so, I’m honestly not too sad about it, but I would be disappointed because I kind of expected her to become a more interesting character later on. After Volume 4, I expected at least a bit of growth there or something that would make her more interesting. And I’m not talking about a redemption, just to be clear! I just think the potential to make her more interesting as a villain was there, and if they just killed her off it’s kind of wasted now and she stayed a very flat character until the end. But I guess we’ll see.

- Raven and Yang’s confrontation was pretty intense. I liked that Raven finally had to admit that she’s afraid and doing all of this just to protect herself, and the contrast to Yang, who is also scared but still does what she thinks is right. And the fact that Raven was willing to let Yang have the relic despite the danger that would put her in – mom of the year indeed 🙄.

- Blake and the other Faunus are the real MVPs of the battle, tbh. The fact that they just completely stopped Adam and the White Fang by sheer numbers and didn’t even give them the chance to attack anyone? God tier stuff. And when Blake’s mom came in with the police? 10/10, we stan.

- Also, Blake telling Adam she’s not there for him? Hell yes, girl! I love how she’s taking power away from her abuser by showing she isn’t doing any of this for him. Really nice.

- Yang and Blake’s reunion in the last episode was super nice. I like how there was so much attention on that reunion in particular. And while I’m glad Yang wasn’t too angry at Blake and it makes for a nice happy ending, I still hope there’s a scene next volume where Blake properly apologizes to Yang for leaving and explains her side of things. And then, they should get together and live happily ever after and have lots of kittens. I mean, what?

- And finally, all of Team RWBY is back together! And they’ll have a lot to catch each other up on. Blake doesn’t even know about the maidens, the relics and Salem yet, while the rest didn’t even know about the White Fang attack. Also, I want Blake to introduce the others to Ilia and to her parents.

I really loved this volume. Lots of action, lots of really sweet moments, lots of epic fights and cool plot twists. I find it hard to rank them, but this might have been my favourite volume yet (volume 3 was also really good, though).

[emilycollins00]

hello! i've recently stumbled across your works and i really love your characterization and writing uwu if it's not too much, is it okay for me to request for a scenario where some actors accidentally found out that their director is actually good dancer? like maybe somebody was watching tv and 'hey doesn't that backup dancer look familiar?' ((you can decide on whoever finds out about it and you can also choose to use izumi's name or just write mc)) AAAA thank you very much! ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡

Thank you, dear! 💕 I feel so happy when I read I you guys like it. Sometimes it gets difficult to not fall into OOC!

I opted to choose Izumi, mainly because I don’t think I’ve written anything with her even though I love her so much! As for the actors, well, couldn’t decided wich one so everyone is making an appearance.

 Hope you like it!  💕

The dorm discovering Izumi’s dancing skills

“Tenma, hurryyyyy”

“Yeah, yeah... Uh? Hey, who didn’t wash their dishes this morning, it stinks!” the summer leader complained outloud, leaving the kitchen with Misumi with the last chopsticks and glasses to place on the lounge. 

Tsuzuru entered and looked at the sink, frowning. Indeed, it smelled awful. He walked towards the couches to get the culprit.

“Itaru-san, don’t ask me why, but I know whatever that was in that plate was yours. Please clean it right now”

“Oh shit, my shield fell” 

The man in question was laying next to Kazunari and Banri, all of them most likely playing a battle game, judging by the way they were staring intensely at their phones.

 “Itaru-san!”

“Yes, yes, one minute…”

“Dang, Itaroon! You can’t pull something like that to win, I don’t have any more resources!”

Omi put a hand on Tsuzuru’s shoulder when he saw the scriptwriter was about to start scolding them “It’s okay Tsuzuru, we have enough plates. Itaru-san can clean later so dinner doesn’t get cold”

At that moment Juza, Taichi, Muku and Sakuya arrived. 

“Ah, Omi-san! After Tenma-kun and Misumi-san finish the table will be set” the cheerily the spring leader informed approaching them.

“At least we get things done quickly, having so many people at Mankai” Tsuzuru smiled tired but gratefully at the four of them “…although it would be quicker if others offered to help from time to time” he looked at the gaming group and a certain pair watching TV.

“Tsuzuru, this program is too important to sip!”

“You mean to skip? Also, I truly don’t think so. That’s one old program you’re watching” he looked around resting his hands on his hips. No one had moved an inch “That indirect was also to the rest of you, you know”

“Noted” 

“Aha”

“So you want me to set the table instead of trying to come up for ideas with customes? Fine by me”

Misumi and Tenma entered before an argument could take place “Table’s set. Someone should call Masumi, Sakyo-san and the winter troupe. They were in the practice room with director, right?” 

As if by pure summoning, the last spring member arrived, taking off his headphones “…I’m here”

“We are here too!” Tsumugi waved as the rest of the winter troupe entered talking to each other. Their play schedule had been decided and they had had a run through while Izumi and Sakyo discussed the final details for the performance.

“Okay then everyone, time to dig in!”

                                         …………………………..

Everyone sat on their chairs and started moving plates around and refilling glasses with drinks. It wasn’t often, due to the difference in schedules, but some nights the whole dorm got together and opted to eat at the same time. It was a bit of a mess but in the end, everyone had fun.

Citron was still watching silently the TV when he paused it, concerned. Getting up, he headed to the dinner table as everyone ate and talked “Director?”

Izumi looked up, stopping  herself from grabbing the delicious tonkatsu in front of her “You called, Citron? Ah, leave the TV and sit, come on. Omi’s food will get cold!” she motioned the chair that was empty.

He did as told, but kept his eyes locked on her “Director I must ask you an important question”

“Uh… ok?”

He nodded as his chopsticks grabbed some rice “Are you maybe a twist?”

Everyone turned to him, confused, but not surprised. The young woman found herself blinking in confusion too “…Twist?”

Masumi nodded in agreement “You can twist my heart anytime you want”

No one even tried to contradict the young boy, still trying to decipher Citron’s meaning.

“I don’t think Citron means twist”

“…Twix”

“Yeah Hyodo sure, Citron meant Twix. I swear your brain is a fucking sugar cube”

“You are sweet like a twix to me, director”

“Ugh, someone tell the Psycho Stalker off”

“Y-yuki-kun!”

“Citron, I don’t think your phrasing is right” Tsumugi laughed as he saw everyone starting to debate. 

The foreigner crossed his arms, deep his thought “Mmm… this word is meant to be a clone… of another person! Is it close enough, Tsumugi?”

“C-clone?!” Taichi looked up from his seat, eyes wide open “Director has a clone?!”

“Guys, come on...”

“Mhm… I might be wrong, but maybe Citron meant if our dear director has a twin?”

Citron gasped “Twin, yes! Azuma’s wisdom is as always precise!”

The winter member received the compliment from the blond with a soft laugh as the rest frowned. Sakuya raised his hand from the other side of the table “U-Um! Why do you say that, Citron-san?”

“You have sisters?” Tasuku raised his eyebrows at Izumi.

“Of course not! I’m an only child”

“But that cannot be. I saw you with my two very eyes!”

“Me?”

He nodded seriously, getting up from the chair and turning on the TV again “I will demonstrate now, the director’s clone!”

Izumi sighed. Why couldn’t they have a normal night? Just for once. It was weekday for christ’s sake. The sudden gasps and exclamations brought her back to reality.

“It really looks like Izumi-san!”

“She looks younger though, is it really her?”

“Waaah, director you are moving so beautifully!”

“Wait, seriously?”

Izumi got up and approached the TV screen, concerned for the amount of attention it was getting “Come on, how can I-“

“That is you, isn’t it?” Sakyo pointed the TV with his head.

As everyone came to the realization that it was indeed Izumi. the woman in question stood there, watching her younger self.

“Oh, you meant that!” she sat on the arm of the couch, forgetting dinner and the fact that everybody was still trying to make sense of it. Their director? In TV? “It’s not been that long but... ” she laughed “Might be the one and only time I made it for a play in a performance, come to think of it!”

Kazunari, who was at that point recording the whole situation, turned his phone towards her in awe “I am beyond SHOCK, director! What play? How come we didn’t know you danced so well? Any declarations?”

She pushed the phone away from her, laughing “I did my studies and entered in the dancing club from my university for a change of peace”

“But this amazing choreography? The moves? Not to mention you are totes on TV!”

She looked  back at the TV and a smiled appeared. Competing in friendly dancing competitions had been nice at the time “That program shows musicals, right? My university dancing club just happened to want to enter the competition and we decided to do a mute dancing play trying to tell a story without speaking. Forgot it had been recorded then”

Everyone stopped talking and looked at each other.

“…Oh”

“That’s right”

“Director had another life before Mankai…”

“Feels weird to think about it”

Izumi blinked confused. Of course, she had tried to make a life outside of acting! It had been rough, but she had had to come to terms with herself that she had to move on, at the time.

“Ey, ey, director let’s dance too!” Misumi grabbed her by the arm and pulled her to the courtyard. She found herself stumbling to keep up.

“W-whoah, Misumi-kun, we haven’t finished eating!”

He laughed releasing her as he tried to copy what they all had watched “That looked fun! What other dances did you do?”

Izumi laughed at his excitment.

“Well, there was nothing specific…?” she listed a few songs on the top of her head. The rest of the dorm gathered around the frames of the courtyard, watching curiously. 

“I also want to see director’s dancing!”

“Anyone has a phone?”

“On it~”

“Enough! Why are you…” Sakyo came out too, ready to start scolding when one of the songs mentioned before started playing and saw Izumi’s bright face.

It was as if some kind of adrenaline had been injected into her, enough to make her body start moving along the music, not a single movement being wasted.

It had been a while.

                                       ………………………………

“Oh my, such a stunning view… the turning of grand jetes! If this moment was to be engraved…”

Hisoka frowned next to him “Arisu… you’re too loud. Can’t enjoy it” 

“Director… is really good!” Sakuya was practically beaming as he watched Izumi moving around “She looks like a fairy!”

No one there disagreed. Her movements flowed, taking away the breath of every person in that familiar audience. Izumi had never been able to act well, but somehow her dancing expressed more than she could in a play.

Omi smiled at the view and crossed his arms “A pity I left the camera in my room” he looked at his left and saw how Sakyo looked at her.

The blond’s eyes followed her figure entranced, not moving an inch.

A few minutes later, Izumi stopped, breathing heavily after song. She looked up, greeted by a big amount of applause. Were those claps for her? Her cheeks grew hot. She didn’t remember last time she got an applause and smiled bashfully.

“Fufu that was wonderful, Izumi-san”

“Epic. I think I just fell in love all over again, director! Gonna need to post the clip on my instablam!”

“Not bad. I guess currian has another thing she’s good at, uh”

“Well, if we ever have a dancing play, now we know who to ask for notes, isn’t that right, Tsuzuru?” 

Taichi gasped in excitement looking at the scriptwriter “Oh man, I definitely want to do a dancing play now, girls would love it!”

Of course, as theatre fanatics as they were, the conversation headed into their future performances.

“Maybe like a musical?”

“But dancing as you act is…”

“I want to do a triangle dance in our play!”

Izumi laughed, gaining everyone’s attention “Okay, okay, this is enough. Let’s go back and finish dinner. Can’t believe you all tricked me to dance in front of you, geez” she still felt her breath uneven from the workout.

“But you did look beautiful out there, director” Tsumugi smiled as he pushed a complaining Taichi and entranced Masumi inside.

Tasuku sighed as he watched everyone returning to their normal behaviors “Well, I guess we must thank you are more an acting addict than a dancer” he sent a small smile to Izumi, placing a hand on her shoulder and going inside to help the adults tame the youngest.

Izumi was about to follow when she heard Sakyo’s voice from behind “You danced well”

“Ah, Sakyo-san, thanks”

He dropped his eyes momentarily before looking at everyone going back to finish dinner inside “…Think you will miss it? Dancing like that”

Izumi lifted her head up and closed her eyes, enjoying the night’s breeze. She had set it aside for so long she hadn’t really been able to think about it.

Dancing to her was like turning back the clock, returning to a previous life that might have been good. However, she had always felt something was missing. 

She smiled tenderly. Just thinking about everyone at the dorm made her heart go warm. 

“It’s become a good memory to keep”

She tore her gaze away from the night sky to smile at him, assuring him that she was being honest to those words just said.

True. She had loved dancing, but theatre? Ah.

That was her life.

_________________________________________________________

I enjoyed it a lot, hopefully, you guys did too. Have a wonderful day!  💕

[raziroo]

Chapter 3 | I Am Not At All Wise

Pairing: There's hints, but none

Genre: Angst?

Warnings: Overly Casual Mentions of Depression and Anxiety, Mentions of Trading of Lives

Word Count: 1,926

Author's Note: This might appear a little rushed, because I got this sudden surge of inspiration and sat down to write this and this isn't even proofread. Sorry, hehe.

‘Guys, what’s wrong with you?! This my father we’re talking about, my father! Why are you so hesitant to trade him for Lotor?’

The tense energy in the room only became even more suffocating when Pidge let that question, among others, loose like cannonballs. I was glad I was sitting even a bit away from the ongoing discussion, because the questions and not up to par answers were succeeding in making me uncomfortable. After all, the topic at hand wasn’t light at all – a topic such as trading of lives is one that questions your morals, your beliefs, literally everything you, as a person, stand for. I stared at Pidge, her absolutely enraged expression making me gulp nervously`. If Pidge didn’t get her father back now, after finding out his destination, then God knows how many shots are going to get fired at whom. And although I’m not saying that Pidge is wrong, she isn’t even right.

That’s confusing.

What I meant to say was, that although Pidge’s actions and fury and incredulousness were fully justified, it didn’t mean that we could all just nod heads in tandem and send Lotor off as some sort of pig for slaughter in exchange of Pidge’s dad. It wasn’t fair.

As my eyes lost focus, I recalled Captain America’s words – we don’t trade lives.

I snapped out of my thoughts. I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t want to. I wouldn’t, ultimately. Heading to my room now instead of just sitting there and making myself look like an unopinionated fool wasn’t helping me anyways, and neither was Lotor’s presence a couple feet beside me.

I decided to head to my room.

After all, that was what I was best at, wasn’t it? After finally accepting that I was a time traveler and couldn’t ever see my friends or family ever again and that aliens did actually exist, and not just on Mars (wait, did aliens exist on Mars? I never asked that), all I did for a good sum of time was hide in my room. Activities except hiding in my room included roaming through the castle and running to my room as soon as I deducted any trace of intelligent life near me, being strangely intimate with the white lion – intimacy including venting about how I was probably depressed, possibly had anxiety, caressing the lioness because she’s beautiful, and nestling in her cockpit because she felt like home – and running to my room when Shiro questioned me about my connection with White.

A bit after, when I felt more reassured and had begun craving human communication, I finally emerged from my cave, only to find that some of the Paladins didn’t seem too happy with my presence. Time went on, spirits fell, only to rise once again in blazing hopes of dethroning Zarkon, and my naturally social abilities helped me blend in with the Paladins soon. A lot of the comfort I felt among the Paladins, I owed to Shiro and Hunk. Those two were literally angels, especially to me. I couldn’t count on all the fingers of the Paladins and Allura combined how may times those two, and occasionally Lance, came to offer me a hug or talk to me when I looked glum. Even Allura and Pidge talked to meif they were free. The only person I had problems interacting with was Keith. But we’d nod to each other, say our greetings, and I accepted that. I couldn’t be besties with everyone. However, mine and Keith’s communication skills only worsened and problems only increased once Shiro disappeared. Keith straight up would refuse to pilot the Black Lion, and even when he finally agreed, he was so unorganized and his decisions so rash it was costing the coalition. When Lions started becoming unstable to fight after longer, tougher battles, White was expected to fill in. After all, it was the White Lion’s purpose – to be the mind of Voltron when the Paladins couldn’t, to keep the soul, fire, water, air and flora elements in check, Allura had once said to me. Only, White needed a pilot, a Paladin. And all expectations of being White’s pilot were pinned on me, naturally, because I was the one who seemingly materialized in her cockpit out of nowhere.

I, obviously, failed to do that. Because apparently (and quite obviously, if I do say so myself) even though White warmed up the cockpit for me when I slept there and seemed to purr when I caressed her face, I wasn’t worthy enough, in her gaze, to be a Paladin. And I truly had no qualms about that. The only issue was that Keith wasn’t satisfied with that. Pidge and Lance tried to hide it, but they too, felt that I should try harder. Hunk comforted me when I accidentally let the hurt I was feeling shine through. Allura tried to convince everyone that it wasn’t my fault at all, that the Lions only accepted whom they deemed fit to Pilot them, and the reason the White Lion even was the “extra” Lion in the first place was that it was hardest than any of the other Lions to convince to be Pilot of. It was simply too calculating and cynical and choosy – and I agreed with White wholly, because stepping in as the voice of reason, as the mind of Voltron when all these worthy, noble, brave people who were specifically selected to be the defender and judge of the universe when no one else could failed to do their jobs, then you needed to be one hell of a person to be honoured with the name “White Paladin of Voltron”.

When Shiro had come back, or as he said, when Keith brought him back, the Castle seemed to light up more. I understood why he was chosen to be the soul to combine the other elements and form Voltron. I was ecstatic, perhaps happier than some of the Paladins even, but that didn’t mean I didn’t notice – or rather, didn’t choose to shrug off - his strange and simply out of character behaviour at times. I wasn’t the only one that did. It was when I voiced to White about my concerns, and she glowed – literally glowed as if in agreement did I know that shit was serious. White, as weirdly impossible as it sounds, also noticed. She knew, too, that something wasn’t right with Shiro. It was beyond me how she did, but I didn’t get to ponder on that for too long.

Why?

Because Lotor happened. He arrived as our saviour at the most unexpected moment and in the most unexpected way, and then became unpredictability, unanswered questions, and uncertainty personified for us. How many rifts and arguments he alone had caused between the Paladins was the slightest bit alarming, but justified, in my opinion. Lotor had succeeded in messing up our functioning. It didn’t matter if it was only a tad – he was the anthropomorphic form of all the flaws and hesitancies and wrongs and uncertainties in the coalition that we’d turned a blind eye to.

And now Zarkon had offered us Pidge’s dad’s freedom in exchange of Lotor, but I would be lying if I said if I wasn’t the tiniest bit worried as to just what Zarkon would do to Lotor. I know, I know, I really was no one to be straining my brain for that, since Lotor was an alien Prince who had equal chances of being good and evil, was capable of killing us all if he wished to, and had probably endured worse than his father’s wrath. But that wasn’t even the biggest issue we had. Pidge getting fired up was reasonable enough, I was aware of how emotionally driven she could become at times despite being a genius. And her brain refusing to work when her family came into play was the reason I was bothered most – even if she convinced the other Paladins to go through with the exchange, there was absolutely no surety that Zarkon would keep his part of the deal. It was legit the dumbest, most irrational thing the protagonist could do. If that happened, we’d lose both Pidge’s father, and an extremely valuable asset to the coalition.

I didn’t really realize that during my very acceptable train of self-depreciating thoughts I’d changed my route and had instinctively begun for White. I guess it was only right, as I felt more at ease there than anywhere. It was only when I reached her and stroked her, she seemed to… close in on her herself. I furrowed my brow, a small frown on my lips.

I sighed. It was probably nothing.

Relaxing my facial muscles, I closed my eyes, leaned forward, and nudged White’s snout. I jumped back with a start when instead of the usual purr or whimper, she growled at me. The crease between my brows returned with a higher intensity.

‘What is it, girl? Hmm?’ I cooed at her, not risking touching her. ‘Is something wrong? Do you not want to talk? Should I go?’

Silence was what I received in exchange.

‘My love,’ yes I called White “my love”, “girl”, have and will continue to call her “babe”, and no you cannot do jack about it. ‘You need to tell me, please,’ I continued, my voice gentle as ever, ‘how am I supposed to know what you want to say? You’ve never growled at me before. I don’t know how to interpret that gesture. Do I take it as you being upset? Angry? Sad?’ She still didn’t answer. All the life seemed to leave her.

I tilted my head. My sigh bounced off the walls.

‘The White Lion is said to be the mind of Voltron,’ a naturally assertive, deep, thunder-like voice called. I was sure I jumped at least a foot before whipping my head to where the voice resonated from. Lotor. What -?

‘Forgive me if I scared you. I thought it wise to offer some assistance; you seemed to be in need of help.’

I didn’t answer. He took it as a “yes, I need your help”. ‘The most probable reason it is not responding to your calls, is because you are contradicting what the White Lion stands for, you aren’t being wise. That is, assuming the Lion does answer you typically.’

I turned back to White, my jaw setting. My lingering suspicion turned into certainty at Lotor’s remarks.

Well. As much as I cherished my relations with White, I wasn’t going to voice my thoughts and concerns regarding the life trade. I wasn’t particularly keen on getting involved. I wasn’t the White Paladin. I wasn’t the voice of reason. I couldn’t be. This was the exact reason as to why I couldn’t be the White Paladin. I had many a thought, but didn’t always think it wise to share them with others.

Especially not when “others” included a leader that was not being himself, a princess who wanted to get rid of the Galra empire and Zarkon as soon as possible no matter the cost, and a Paladin who was going feral and becoming blind by rage at the thought of not getting her father back when she was so close.

Yes. Now definitely not.

Without sparing Lotor or White another glance, I headed to my room, for real this time. I didn’t notice both of their piercing gazes aimed at my retreating figure.

[thegrandkinghimself]

who is oikawa tooru?

i guess that’s a weird way to start off a post, considering just how popular oikawa is in this fandom. i’m absolutely certain that he’s still one of the most popular characters if i can take the #oikawasear trend on twitter a couple of weeks ago seriously. (i will be mourning that iwaoi is no longer the top ship in this fandom. it’s devastating to me on a personal level). and i can’t say that i’m any different, either, otherwise i wouldn’t have made this blog or this post. but i guess the reason i’ve been itching to write this is because i’ve been in this fandom--and more specifically, a fan of oikawa--for about four or five years now. i devour the content available, and i can assure you that i’ve read too many of the fanfictions on ao3 to be healthy, and never before have i seen a character whose characterization is so hotly disputed. 

and i get it. he’s a complex person. he’s kind of awkward in that there is a very clear disconnect between his outward personality and who he is alone. it’s a very hard balance to strike, especially when you consider just how much conjecture goes on in his characterization among fans and in discourse. he’s really easy to project and certain traits, correct or otherwise, are amplified based off how authors perceive him. there’s plenty of presumptions that can be made based on his on-screen actions/thoughts/beliefs that can be taken to some very logical conclusions. 

but i’ve also seen people write him in ways that don’t strike me as particularly truthful. he’s type casted into stereotypes that don’t do him justice, or made into something that is vaguely like oikawa, but not quite. in the following post, i’ll be trying to dispel misunderstandings of his character, if only for my own sanity. 

tl;dr i think that oikawa is chronically one of the most misrepresented characters in fandom and i want to fix that

exclaimer: i am solely an anime-watcher; i have seen snippets of the manga and therefore have a general idea of what is going on.

let’s establish some very very basic stuff. just to keep it simple, i’m not going to talk about anything beyond what has been published via the anime (as of season four). 

Oikawa Tooru | 及川徹 

gender: male

d.o.b.: 1994.7.20. or 20 July, 1994

height: 184.3 cm

weight: 72.2 kg

occupation: high school 3rd year, class 6

position/number: setter, 1 (captain)

here’s something that’s never pointed out: oikawa is in class 6 which, if we go off the trend of every other school in haikyuu!!, means that he is in a college preparatory class aka he’s pretty dang smart. it’s not confirmed or anything, but it a. follows the trend of every other class 6 student and b. is the highest class available among seijoh 3rd years (classes 5, 3, and 1). don’t get the idea that he’s dumb or unintelligent, or even that his strengths only lie in the classroom because that would be a gross understatement of his skills.

anywho. 

generally speaking, i like to start with the building blocks of his personality because there’s so much room for assumptions. here are the things that i think make up his core personality:

intelligence/knowledgeable: not only academically speaking, but he’s also well-versed in people. he knows how to play them--what will make someone more confident, more doubtful, what will help his teammates succeed. clearly, oikawa is very knowledgeable in human thought patterns. or he’s dedicated a lot of time to knowing them. 

loyalty: of all of oikawa’s traits, i think this one gets talked about the least, but we know it to be true. we make jokes about “you should have come to shiratorizawa” but it really shows you exactly how loyal, how much trust, oikawa has in this team that he has spent three years shaping. he never stops believing in the work that he has put in, and especially the hard work that his teammates have put into their volleyball. 

hardworking: one of the most well-known things about oikawa. most fans already know that his white knee pad is actually a knee brace. ‘nuff said. i salute you, good sir. 

insecurity: oikawa’s insecurities are perhaps his most notable trait. in a sense, he’s sort of the underdog--so good, but never quite good enough to accomplish what he’s set out to do. and we know that he’s struggled with his doubts since junior high, literally since he was 12 or 13, and that’s informed all of his character from the moment he ran into ushijima. oikawa is someone who is defined by his insecurities. 

oikawa is a lot of things. he’s introduced as someone who is very flamboyant--he’s built up by kageyama as the best setter, his senpai literally and figuratively, his initial shots are all of smug smiles and easy, unfaltering swagger in the face of this new team. even his theme, all rambunctious brass and jazzy, is meant to be all in your face, here’s the big boss! he’s someone who is petty and silly and seems to favor shallow conversation. but he’s oikawa, so there’s a surprising amount of depth in the little time that we have with him. there’s a reason that, in any other franchise, he’d probably be the protagonist.

he is someone full of contradictions. he’s childish and he spends time with a bunch of girls and is very clearly someone who likes to project a certain image of himself to the public (see: his cute lil’ humming run after his yell in s4e23 to make him seem kind of normal). but he’s also spent a lot of time with himself. in fact, if we take the few scenes we have of him alone and his bedroom (bare, spartan, meticulous) into account, oikawa actually is much more solemn and/or serious than the image he projects. he’s comfortable in the silences between all the white noise. he’s alright just being with iwaizumi. he allows himself to dwell on the past and his shortcomings, while also looking forward to the future. his ambition and passion to improve drive him, but his past failures weigh him down. they haunt him.

personally, i think that he’s naturally a pretty silly guy when given the chance. it’s not just for show. iwaizumi would even corroborate this à la oikawa’s introduction speech in s1. he likes having fun when he can with his friends. if we assume that oikawa is most himself with iwaizumi, then we definitely know that’s the case (see: “are you my mom, iwa-chan?”), and there’s nothing wrong with that. but i think that the most basic traits of his character, combined with his experiences in volleyball, have pushed him to be this person who is mired in doubt. it’s forced him to go down a path where something that he once loved for the fun of it has now become the source of his ire. it’s really just that simple. maybe in another life, things would be different and oikawa wouldn’t have to struggle as much. but that’s really just a part of the human experience, isn’t it? and, in all honesty, would we really love oikawa as much without all his vices?

and maybe this is getting into speculation, but i don’t think it’s a difficult argument to make that oikawa is really mature. he’s introspective. i say introspective because the revelations that he’s had in regards to his own strengths and weaknesses--those are things he’s had to confront and deal with since he was in junior high (starts at 12 years of age). it takes someone with a lot of maturity and self-awareness to realize those kinds of things about himself.

and he’s stronger than he gets credit for. most people depict him as a crybaby, but he’s really not. he doesn’t cry or give up in the face of ushijima or kageyama’s unfettered growth and successes, he doesn’t cry when faced with defeat. oikawa is there to support iwaizumi in his own doubt as ace, and lend support to his teammates. and oikawa doesn’t get stuck on the what-ifs or has-beens. driven by his infamous ambition, he looks forward to the future. 

it’s kind of a double-edged sword. it’s pushed him this far--he’s put in this much effort to be one of the best in the prefecture--because of his competitive spirit, but it’s also something that has caused him serious injury. oikawa’s motto (”if you’re gonna to hit it, hit it until it breaks!”) is the very epitome of this mentality. it’s a message to work hard to finish what you started, but i also think that you could interpret that hard work breaking you, too. he’s steadfast—obsessive, really—to the point that oikawa will let his passions break him before he would ever give up. it’s the point of all the strife in his life, because he would never have the problems he does if he were even a little less enamored by this sport. 

and you really have to wonder where he would be without ushijima and kageyama as his obstacles. his drive will always be there, that is an intrinsic part of him, as are the standards to which he holds himself, but you really have to wonder just how good oikawa would be if he didn’t have such direct competitors. this is an incredibly important question to ask about kageyama and oikawa in particular. yes, oikawa does loathe ushijima: for his disregard for oikawa’s decisions, for his disregard of oikawa’s loyalty, for his flippant attitude of seijoh, who oikawa has poured his blood and sweat into creating. but ushijima is an opposite hitter. oikawa is a setter. those are two very different positions with little crossover. but with kageyama--that is a clear rivalry. they push each other to be better, made all the more potent by their differences as players; one setter’s growth as a player directly impacts how the other performs in each subsequent game. seijoh’s defeat by karasuno in season 2 just feeds into oikawa’s drive for the future. he has not intention of giving up. a light was lit under him, pushing him forward, to do better, to be better. 

this is something that has been pointed out in a different analysis (linked below) but, narratively speaking, oikawa is kageyama’s foil. their interactions inform their characters and are a major cause of tension in their development. their relationship is really the most complex in the story that i have noticed, and is something that has not been appreciated enough. the iwaizumi-oikawa thing has been expounded and studied in every facet possible (i love the alexander the great/hephaestion allusions), but it’s true that kageyama has impacted oikawa the most. they begrudgingly respect each other’s talents, what it is that they bring to the court, while also envying what the other has in spades that they do not. in oikawa’s case, his strength clearly lies in his interpersonal relationships--his ability to intuit exactly what his teammates need to be at their best. kags is just a fount of overwhelming technical skill who has a really hard time getting to know those around him. living up to the standards that oikawa places on himself, in tandem with kageyama threatening his position as setter, leave oikawa floundering, fearing his own incompetence against opponents who are naturally much better than he. so he’s left with the knowledge that maybe his best isn’t good enough, but he still continues on anyway. he pushes himself past a seemingly unreachable threshold just to go toe-to-toe with this monster. it’s the purpose of his character--to tell this story of the ordinary v. the extraordinary--and it is perhaps the most relatable arc that a story like haikyuu!! can tell.

their connection naturally causes oikawa to seek out help, seen in the flashback scenes where he is talking to an unspecified coach/adult. that coach’s words then become the creed upon which oikawa plays, maybe even more than what iwaizumi has taught him, and is the final push that completes oikawa’s character arc in s2ep24. that change in mindset allows oikawa to see kageyama’s unbridled talent not as an obstacle but as a challenge. it’s very nuanced, but it makes all the difference. it’s why, following seijoh’s defeat, oikawa has the audacity to declare to kageyama and ushijima his plans for the future. in a sense, karasuno and kageyama and ushijima have won the battle but not the war. it’s the tipping point in his story and, more than anything, what makes oikawa so compelling. we have seen what has led up to the change, but now we want to know what he’s going to do to meet that challenge. what will he be doing beyond the story when he is no longer relevant to the narrative? we don’t know the details at this point, but we know that oikawa’s love and ambition for volleyball have been reaffirmed in this moment. 

but to bring it back, the kags-oiks connection also makes us question what it is we are watching, makes us as the audience think: what qualifies someone as a genius? are there any limitations to what that genius can do? what can ordinary people do in the face of those geniuses? 

these are questions that exist beyond the reality of sports and transverse into other disciplines. for me, those are very real questions that i have had to ask myself as a musician. i have dedicated nine, almost 10, years to my practice but there are still 10-year-olds who are just better at it than i ever will be. part of it is time and practice to be sure, but some of it is just innate. and i think the more appropriate version of those questions would be this: what qualifies someone as a prodigy? are there limitations for prodigies? what can we do in the face of prodigies? 

oikawa is a genius player--he knows the ins-and-outs of his sport better than anyone, and he can accomplish great feats that others in his same position can’t. but even with all that veritable experience and skill, he is ultimately still overtaken by a prodigy whose talents seem endless. it’s why he can hate ushijima but fear kageyama. one is something he can actively fight against, the other is inevitable. 

and really, i think that’s the beauty of oikawa tooru, why he’s so beloved by the fandom, even years after he has stopped being relevant to the narrative. beyond the fluff and goofiness and hijinks, there’s someone there who is really, truly, human. 

an aside with much less significance/why do people think this??

so here’s one thing: even though oikawa has fangirls, i wonder what he actually thinks of them. for one, it’s only natural for anyone to be super flattered if people think you’re hot stuff. that’s just... i don’t think he’s weird if he pays attention to them. but i think that people are conflating his being kind to them to being genuinely egotistical due to the attention. actually, i think these are opposing ideas and a contradiction of who oikawa is. when you’re an arrogant person, you think that you deserve all the attention you’re getting and you’re not going to bother with the people who worship you.

but that’s not at all what oikawa does. he’s rather kind to his fans. i would never say that he’s self-effacing, but knowing what you’re worth is different from being pompous. and think about it. it’d be a real jerk move for oikawa to not say nice things to them and thank his fangirls when they spend time, energy, and effort to make him food and see his games. he would just be a genuinely awful person if he didn’t at least give them thanks. it’d be more alarming if he didn’t talk to them, at least in my opinion. more than anything, we should consider this: why is it that oikawa has the fan club and not anyone else on the seijoh team? i’m sure a part of it is because he��s attractive and the captain of a team, but i think it’s more than that, too. we see these interactions from other perspectives, but i think that reflects more on those around oikawa than oikawa himself if they don’t understand why he acts the way he does with those girls.

another thing: i don’t think that anyone can question that oikawa is very pretty, or handsome, or whatever descriptor you would like. it’s prevalent in fandom (see: pretty setters squad), but he is also the only person in canon to be acknowledged by other characters as being particularly good-looking. maybe the miyas count at this point? i’m not sure. but i don’t really understand where people get the idea that he is particularly focused on his appearance, though. there is literally no indication of that from the material that i have seen. and maybe he uses that to his advantage with his fangirls, but i highly doubt that, in all honesty. i think that it’s fun to imagine him being into these things as a hobby, but it irks me greatly when i see that people spend time saying that oikawa wakes up extra early just to fix his hair or slather on foundation/concealer just to look presentable. 

he’s a teenaged boy who clearly has other things that worry him, he’s a full-time student, and volunteers to coach at lil tykes volleyball classroom in his free time. he wouldn’t have time to spend on his hair or makeup. and we even seen in the hanger tooru special that he even wakes up looking like that. 

he is au naturale, my friends. and we even know how little he gives thought to his own body, if you take into account his knee brace. for oikawa, his body is merely the medium through which he can accomplish his goals. we even have evidence of this when we see oikawa up all night studying karasuno game play or via his knee brace. he doesn’t know how to stop or understand when enough is enough. he breaks himself if there’s no one to watch him. 

also, just... how would makeup work, logistically speaking? i don’t wear makeup, but i’m thinking that foundation and concealer and hair product would be, um, really bad. like, it’d run down his face and stuff. also, it’d probably get into his eyes, too? seriously. i’m not against oikawa wearing makeup in the slightest cause he’d be even prettier, but we know that oikawa would absolutely not jeopardize his chances in any way. 

thank you for reading this long-winded, probably awful look into my favorite character of all time. and i do mean that. he is my favorite character in all of media. which, like, says a lot when he’s competing against the casts of a:tla, call me by your name, and my actual favorite book, the song of achilles. after all of that, if you would like another (better) analysis of oikawa’s character, i suggest this reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/haikyuu/comments/94irsi/character_analysis_16_oikawa_tooru_discussion/ 

[bookiemonsterph]

Serpent & Dove

Synopsis:

Bound as one, to love, honor, or burn. Book one of a stunning fantasy duology, this tale of witchcraft and forbidden love is perfect for fans of Kendare Blake and Sara Holland.

Two years ago, Louise le Blanc fled her coven and took shelter in the city of Cesarine, forsaking all magic and living off whatever she could steal. There, witches like Lou are hunted. They are feared. And they are burned.

As a huntsman of the Church, Reid Diggory has lived his life by one principle: Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. But when Lou pulls a wicked stunt, the two are forced into an impossible situation—marriage.

Lou, unable to ignore her growing feelings, yet powerless to change what she is, must make a choice. And love makes fools of us all.

Set in a world of powerful women, dark magic, and off-the-charts romance, book one of this stunning fantasy duology will leave readers burning for more.

Title: Serpent & Dove Series: Serpent & Dove Author: Shelby Mahurin ISBN: 0062878034 (ISBN13: 9780062878038) Pages:  560  pages (Paperback) Published: August 4th 2020 by HarperTeen (first published September 3rd 2019) Characters: Reid Florin Diggory, Louise Margaux Larue Genre: Fantasy, Young Adult, Romance, Magic, Paranormal

I feel like I can’t even begin to describe just how pleasantly surprised I was by this novel. I am not a big fan of romance-heavy stories and one of my least favorite tropes of all time is hate-to-love relationships—so basically the two things the entire plot hinges on. Needless to say, I went into this very hesitantly. Very intrigued to learn how Lou and Reid end up in the position they do and to experience this story everyone has been raving about, but also keeping my expectations as low as I could. I did not for a second expect to come out of it knowing it will, without a doubt, be on my list of favorite books of the year. This is one of those books that I believe truly lives up to all the hype surrounding it.

Serpent & Dove is a dual perspective narrative following Lou le Blanc, a witch, and Reid Diggory, a Chasseur, or witch-hunter. Lou has escaped from her coven and has taken refuge in the city of Cesarine. She lives in hiding. giving up magic and surviving as a thief.  In Cesarine, witches are seen as a danger to all of society—they are hunted and burned, and no woman is above suspicion.

Reid is sworn to the church and charged with the hunting and capture of witches, sworn into a role that demands he will not let a single witch live. In a surprising turn of events, Lou’s and Reid’s paths cross in a way neither of them could have ever expected. A way that leads to their marriage, that forms a seemingly impossible love, and that brings Lou under the roof of the people who could be her source of protection—or her death.

The writing in this book is absolutely superb and cements Shelby Mahurin on my list of favorite authors. Her writing is gorgeous and so easy to fall into. It is incredibly clear how meticulously she formed every aspect of this novel. Both the plot and the setting are incredibly intriguing and captivating. I loved the French influences in all aspects of the story—it makes for a very vivid and enticing atmosphere and Cesarine is the perfect backdrop for everything that takes place. She also does a wonderful job with the dual perspective narrative and creates two very individual voices for our two main characters.

Even though the romance is the main focus of the story, the fantasy aspect is very strong as well and is of almost equal importance. The fantastical elements, though more of a side plot for now, don’t really take a backseat in terms of detail or how significant they are to the overall story. Mahurin crafts an interesting and intricate magic system as strongly as she crafts the romance. It’s something I’m particularly looking forward to seeing in more detail in the next book.

The only minor issue I had plot-wise was the event that sends Lou and Reid down the path toward their marriage. Though my opinion shifted by the end of the novel, as I was able to see every event throughout in a different light, the scene still felt a little bit clumsy and heavy-handed and also completely random, maybe a little too much so. It wasn’t at all what I would have expected and was a bit of a letdown for me, so I sort of wish it had been done differently. But overall, this barely affected my enjoyment of the story as a whole.

This novel holds one of the most brilliant and beautiful casts of characters I’ve ever come across. Lou is everything. She is one of my new favorite characters of all time—I fell completely and utterly in love with her right from the very start of the novel. She is so strong despite the pain she has been through and the terror and uncertainty of her life now. Lou is sassy and sarcastic and absolutely hilarious. She’s tough and guarded much of the time, but underneath, she is so intensely loving, caring, and loyal—just an absolutely beautiful person. I connected with her so easily, and it was an absolute joy reading from her perspective and following her journey.

It took me a while to warm up to Reid, but I definitely had by the end of the novel. He’s quite set in his ways and his prejudices against women, always acting in a very traditional way toward Lou. They are living in a time when women are little more than the property of their husbands and this is something that is clearly ingrained in Reid. He is protective of her and chivalrous to a fault, but it takes a while from him to sound anywhere near loving, even after it’s clear he has feelings for her. At first, I struggled a bit reading his chapters because his attitude and initial inability to be open-minded frustrated me so much. However, there is one major reason I noticed that I think prevented me from connecting with him sooner.

Yes, he is very close-minded in many of his beliefs and his actions, but I felt that there were a few times where things sort of got lost in translation in a sense. There would be scenes from his point of view where his actions and words felt a bit confusing to me and I took them as negative. But later on, something would cause me to realize what exactly he meant by what he said or did and that it wasn’t in fact negative. I don’t think I explained that particularly well, but basically, I think there were times where his point of view could have been written more clearly. In the end, though, I did end up really liking him and it does become very obvious how much he truly cares and would do anything for Lou.

I ended up absolutely adoring the relationship between Lou and Reid. It unfolds and transforms in such a natural way. As I said before, hate-to-love is one of my least favorite tropes, but it is done so well here that I didn’t really mind it. It’s still not something I enjoy reading about and that obviously does impact my rating of the novel slightly. However, few people can get me to like a novel that features this type of relationship, and Mahurin definitely nailed it. My problem with the trope tends to stem from the tension being completely nonsensical and feeling like it’s just thrown in to create drama, and you will not find that in this book.

The tensions between Lou and Reid feel so realistic and necessary—they have every reason to be wary of each other. Understandably, that they sometimes overlook what they truly know about the other as a person in favor of ideas and prejudices that were hammered into them from a young age. They are both strong characters that are unapologetically themselves and, while it causes them to butt heads at first, it turns into a mutual respect for each other and, of course, love as well. The issues that create conflict, in the beginning, are what come to be the things that pull them together rather than drive them apart. And the sum of both of them individually—the strengths and the flaws—is what brings them each to love the other wholly.

There are also some stellar side characters in this story. Coco was, by far, my favorite—she is totally someone I’d love to be friends with. The friendship between her and Lou is so lovely and I’d gladly spend hours just reading about them. They have such a fun dynamic and they always have each other’s backs no matter what. They are the definition of found family and their story warmed my heart. Ansel, a bit like Reid, took me a while to start really liking, but he turns out to be an absolutely wonderful person and a great addition to that lovable found family.

Now for one of the most surprising things I’ve probably ever said and also one of the biggest contradictions when it comes to my typical taste in stories. As I’ve already said, I’m generally not a fan of books that heavily focus on romance. However, this book was so well written that one of my absolute favorite scenes in the entire story was the scene where Lou and Reid make love for the first time, as well as the truly heartwarming lead-up to it.

I am beyond picky about how sex scenes are written in novels. So many fall into the trap of using overly descriptive and flowery prose and a lot of just plain weird words for everything. While I think that being extremely blunt and cold about it is not a good direction to go in either, the flowery descriptions and oversharing of details tend to make these scenes feel very awkward and unrealistic.

The sex scene in this book does not fall into either of these traps and I absolutely adored it. It just feels so realistic and natural, and that is exactly what I frequently find is missing from these types of scenes. Mahurin continues to write as beautifully as ever but is, I felt, fairly minimal on the exact details of the scene. And this is exactly why it works so well.

While yes, there is still detail, she relies more often on the reader’s knowledge of what takes place during a sexual encounter, which cuts out the need for the overly flowery prose and questionable word choices. In a number of places, she writes it in a “fade to black” way without actually fading to black. Mahurin has created a perfect example of how a sex scene should be written and how it should feel to the reader. The focus is on the passion and love between Lou and Reid—on not just physical feeling, but emotional and mental as well. It is so beautiful and natural and is, by far, one of the best-executed scenes I’ve ever come across.

Suffice it to say, I really enjoyed this book. It is so beautifully written and captivating—it is very easy to fall into and get lost in. Shelby Mahurin has created a magical and emotional tale, both heartbreaking and heartwarming that, at its core, brilliantly demonstrates the power of love of all kinds. The story and especially the characters will definitely stick with me for a long time. I’ve honestly been thinking about it constantly since I finished it a few months ago. And, of course, I am absolutely dying to get my hands on the next book in this series. I love how this ended and I cannot wait to be back with these characters once again and see their story continue.

[zoe-oneesama]

Do you help new miraculous content creators if they ask you for tips? Also, do you have any Fix with stormy weather 2? #I really think that I didn’t do the question properly #I apologize if I am rude

I try to help when I can, if I don’t respond to a question it’s because 1) I’m in a bad place to answer (at break at work/on the road/just about to go to sleep etc) 2) I’ve already answered a similar question, or 3) I’m thinking out my answer.

Or like THIS ask I had it ¾ typed out and then switched tabs and accidentally closed this one and lost all that I had typed alkdsjflajsdflka

Now for fixing Stormy Weather 2. Well first I have to rip it a new asshole (and maybe a third asshole to go above the second one) and then I’ll try to salvage it. Whooo this is gonna be a long one, so strap in:

1. Resolve your damn Akuma. This means two things. First, you can’t bring back a fan favorite akuma, ramp up the drama to Earth Leaves Orbit levels of intensity, and then defeat her off screen somewhere with a reporter (a reporter with a repeat name which is one of my pet peeves akdsjfalkd) giving us a vague play by play! Or you can, but it’s incredibly unsatisfying especially in an already unsatisfying episode. Second, resolve Aurore. Aurore was shafted on having a complete arc in her debut episode (she never apologizes to Mireille or has a moment of guilt for reacting to losing so poorly) so when I heard they were bringing her back, I hoped for some closure for her. It wasn’t such a big deal in Stormy Weather because she wasn’t a reoccurring character and we were establishing formula, but now she literally has a second episode named after her, so we’ll get some resolution, right? Nope. What was Aurore’s problem in this episode? If you asked Aurore, it’s struggling to balance Work and School. Yet it wasn’t the stress from this that brought on her akuma. It was Chloe insulting her akumasona and insisting that she hasn’t changed and of course Once a Villain, Always a Villain. It’s Chloe’s voice in her head saying things that have nothing to do with Aurore’s root problem that turn her. And we don’t even see Aurore at the end of the episode, so for all we know, she still harbors those insecurities. Bonus: Why was so much of Aurore’s set up confusing? Is Aurore the weather girl now? When did that happen? She works at the station?? Are we missing an episode??? Is this like Guitar Villain where they fucked up an episode order??? 

How to fix this? Well first of all, make Aurore’s problems actually relevant to what Chloe is driving at. Start with Aurore becoming the new Weather Girl. Mireille has stepped down, she either didn’t like it or her contract ran out. So Aurore is stepping up to the plate. She’s happy but super nervous. She admits Mireille was really good and won her spot fair and square, she’s going to be a tough act to follow. But Aurore thinks she’s got what it takes. Chloe disagrees. She lays into Aurore about how she’s the runner up, the loser and that hasn’t changed. People will be disappointed to see her instead of Mireille, shes’s just as unpopular and just as unwanted as before. She Hasn’t Changed.

So Stormy Weather is born. And no volcanoes dammit, something weather related, thanks! Tornadoes, Cyclones, Hurricanes, hell yes! And she’s defeated. On screen please. At least the part where they release the akuma. 

When Aurore wakes up, she’s afraid. She’s scared that everything Chloe said was right. She even became the same villain she was before. But she’s reassured “You’re not the same. You’ve come so far. Didn’t you praise Mireille for working hard? Didn’t you acknowledge your flaws but worked to overcome them? You’re so different from who you were before. You’ve made so much effort to be better than before.”

And when Chloe tries to rip into Aurore again, have someone remind them she’s been akumatized too, Antibug. “Oh, I’m sorry, I meant Queen Wasp. Wait, which name are you going by this time?”

2. Keep on theme. One wouldn’t think this should be hard but OOOOH BOY. The theme of the episode is People Can Change. (And obviously that their character have changed, but we’ll get there) We know this because the Bad characters (Chloe and Hawkmoth) both state that “People don’t change” and “Once a Villain, Always a Villain” which is a pretty basic way of setting up the theme. Have the Bad characters state the antithesis of the theme, have the Good characters struggle with whether or not the Bad characters are right. Then come to the conclusion that, no, the Bad characters are wrong, or they’re right, but not in the way they think they are.

Yet they have flashbacks that contradict each other (Sabrina remembering Chloe using the Miraculous for Good, but Ladybug remembering Chloe using the Miraculous for Bad), we have flashbacks that show no change at all (literally when has Ladybug and Chat Noir had difficulty fighting together when an akuma’s power wasn’t involved?) and most egregious, Adrien unknowingly aligns himself with the Bad characters by complimenting Ladybug by saying “She never changes”. So unless this is setting him up to join Hawkmoth (in which case this might be the most clever the writing has ever been and I will eat my words) they fucked up. The theme is all over the place. Is change good? Bad? Unobtainable? Can people change or do they not? What is it they’re trying to say with this episode???

Fix: Simple. Consider the message your flashbacks are ACTUALLY saying. And cut the ones that don’t support your theme. Don’t put contradicting flashbacks next to each other (better yet don’t have contradicting flashbacks at all). Eliminate flashbacks that don’t show change at all (the LadyNoir fights. If you still want fights, how about FIGHTING THE AKUMA IN FRONT OF YOU.) And have Adrien compliment Ladybug because she’s constantly improving. “She just gets better and better. Everyday she surprises me by being even more innovative and even more incredible.” Something sappy like that. Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy. If the Bad Guys insist that People Don’t Change, you gotta prove to the Good Guys and US that People Do. Unless this is a bleak, Oh Shit the Bad Guys are Right kind of Episode. …but Thomas’ twitter seems to suggest it was the former they were going for.

3. The Flashbacks. OoooooOOoh the Flashbacks. In this section I’m just going to discuss how they’re used as a literary device. There’s too many of them, they contribute nothing, and they run out air time. They don’t even flow naturally. The point of a flashback is to add to a characters backstory or unveil a hidden truth to the audience. But none of the flashbacks used do this except for Nathalie’s and possibly the first DJWifi one, which was so blissfully short it’s almost in a different category of narrative device. With her exception (which is only an exception because of her narration, other wise it would be just as bad as the rest of them), the flashbacks come in with shaky prompting, they don’t give a new insight to an event from a new POV or even new animation, they don’t help any of the characters come to a sudden realization, they don’t add new information, they Do. Nothing. Let’s look at them one by one:

Marinette remembers the time she dug Adrien’s Valentine out of the trash. Prompted by: Her talking to Tikki about not being able to talk to Adrien.

Nathalie remembers times she interacted with the Agreste’s with narration about her growing feelings. Prompted by: Taking notes for Gabriel.

Two Clips of Gabriel being a Douche. Prompted by: Nooroo wondering if maybe Gabriel should stop being a Douche.

One Clip of Adrien jumping out of an akumas hand. Prompted by: Hawkmoth wondering if he’s going to far…and then immediately dismissing the idea.

A few Clips of Plagg guzzling cheese. Prompted by: Plagg insisting he hasn’t changed because he still loves cheese. That checks out.

Adrien remembering going to school and gaining friends. Prompted by: Plagg insisting Adrien has changed his own life.

Adrien remembering the two times Gabriel did the barest minimum to not suck. And also the birthday gift he didn’t actually give Adrien. Prompted by: Plagg of ALL people insisting that Gabriel has changed too.

Nino and Alya remembering the time they were locked in a cage and given Miraculous. Also how Nino sucks at hiding his identity. Prompted by: The two of them discussing how they even got together. 

Clips of just a few of the many many times Chloe has been a Douche. Prompted by: Chloe insisting no one is nicer than her…

Clips of one time Chloe followed a direct order from Ladybug and from when Chloe was Queen Bee. But like on purpose that time. Prompted by: Sabrina trying to hype up how great Chloe is.

Clips of Chat Noir and Ladybug fighting akumas (including Queen Wasp) and getting new powers and trusting each other more. Prompted by: Ladybug thinking Stormy Weather is stronger, but so are they.

Remembering Chat Noir setting up a date for Ladybug and Ladybug having to reject him. Prompted by: Plagg OF ALL people insisting Ladybug’s not so great because she has feelings for someone else ajlskdfjalsdfja

Adrien remembering when he first got that heart shaped card and thinking it was from ladybug. Prompted by: You know…looking at that card? And also looking at Marinette’s handwritting.

Adrien remembering Marinette deflecting the idea that she was into him. Prompted by: Thinking maybe the card could be from Marinette.

Adrien remembering Luka and Marinette on their ice rink date. Prompted by: More deflecting the idea that Marinette could be into Adrien because one time she went on a date with a boy.

This is also the flashback they chose to end on.

So ….that’s a lot of flashbacks. Some of them are barely there, some drag out way past their welcome. Some are actually well utilized, but some are just terribly implemented. Example: Nino narrating over the clip of Ladybug throwing them into the panther’s cage that that was the moment he and Alya “got together”? Good! It’s short, and even though we kind of knew that was the moment, now we have Nino confirming that that was the beginning of canon DJWifi. Not world shattering revelation, but it is something. Alya remembering them becoming heroes? Bad. It’s way too long, including both of their transformation sequences, and plays exactly as it did in Heroes Day. And why show us this? Did they think we? Forgot? That Nino and Alya are sometimes heroes??

The reason the flashbacks are particularly irritating, is because we don’t need them. Why couldn’t Plagg just remind Adrien about Gabriel playing piano with him with dialogue? Why’d we need to be shown it? Why did Marinette go from lamenting her inability to talk to Adrien to reading the Valentine? When thinking about “going too far” why can Hawkmoth only think of one time Adrien was in danger, when there were several times that he could’ve summed up with “Am I risking the family I have for the family I could have?” It’s excessive and wasteful. And it feels like they don’t think we’re smart enough to remember things. There are ways to get their point across that doesn’t kill air time and pacing but they went this incredibly lazy route. And maybe this would be forgivable if there wasn’t an agenda behind the flashbacks.

4. The Agenda Behind the Flashbacks. We all see what your doing, Thomas. You’re not sneaky. Soooo many people were criticizing you for having unmoving characters that you threw up your hands and said “You wanna see character growth?! I’ll show you some Goddamn Character Growth!” But you didn’t. You did the opposite. You isolated a few tiny examples for your argument but forgot the other 40+ episodes of evidence pointing to the contrary. But we didn’t forget. Noooo we did not. So let’s go character by character to see how they “changed” and how they MOST CERTAINLY have not.

Well, okay, so the first example is a bad example of what I just said, because they did the opposite with her. They started the “struggle” of whether or not characters change with Marinette of all people. Marinette, who’s become more confident, more clever, more sympathetic, more sacrificing. Marinette, who not just from Origins but from within the show itself has had to overcome her jealousy issues and her insecurities, learn to stand up to scarier and scarier adversaries. Marinette, the one character who actually HAS changed. And they focused on the fact she can’t talk to her crush about her feelings.

You know, that crush that repeatedly refers to her as “JUST” a friend, who wrote a Valentine to some mystery girl she doesn’t know, who asked for advice on how to ask out another girl. Yeah, it’s really wild that Marinette hasn’t made strides in this department. But it’s okay, because Marinette has made HUGE steps in this very episode! She signed her note this time! She’s practically a WhOlE nEw PeRsOn! 

You had it. You had the perfect character to show how much “change” you’ve had. And you didn’t. Use it. O_O

I won’t harp on Nathalie too much. They seem determined to insist she’s fully devoted to the Agreste family and it’s hard to argue that point thanks to this episode and her personal narration. Though every episode until this I had a pretty good This is Bullshit Argument going. So instead I’ll just say it came from nowhere, but go off I guess.

They use Plagg, PLAGG OF ALL CHARACTERS (I’m still not over that, what the fuck) to insist that Gabriel is changing for the better. Gabriel. GABRIEL. The guy who’s actually gotten WORSE over the series! The guy who USED to let Adrien go to races and game tournaments and Mime shows in season 1, but NOW won’t let Adrien go and get ice cream or see fireworks or his friend’s band practice in season 2! THAT GUY is getting better because he eventually let Adrien go meet with his friends?! Because he LET his son watch a movie with his own mother in it?! THAT GUY is changing for the better?!?!?! I see what you’re trying to set up and your WRONG!!!!!

Every example they used for how much Adrien’s life has changed, every two things they brought up, happened in the first episode. That’s not growth, that’s a fucking starting point. Adrien began the series going to school, he began the series getting new friends. But we all know why they had to go with those options. Because Adrien hasn’t grown at all and all this episode did was put a huuuuuge spot light on that fact. Thank you for just proving that point by only thinking of two things that have changed for him that literally happened in the First. Episode. I could think of a few things that have changed, but they’re definitely not flattering. *cough* Nice Guy™ *cough*

Apparently the only things that have changed for Nino and Alya is that they’re a couple and they’re superheroes. Well, I guess thanks for pointing out that they’ve been stagnant from the beginning. How boring. Maybe if a character hasn’t changed for good or bad, don’t waste screen time on it in an episode about how characters change???

And Chloe. Holy HELL Chloe. The only way Chloe even remotely works is if this episode is a set up for the fact that Chloe failed. If she’s not redeemed and they’re acknowledging it. If she’s not going to be added to the hero roster in the future and she’s getting more and more furious about it. She’s back in top form in this episode. She bullies Aurore with no prompting and with the intention of continuing her onslaught had Aurore not escaped, is a total hypocrite, is entitled about the bee Miraculous, and unrepentant the whole time. She’s back to her Season 1 self, but every fear I had with her getting everything she wanted came true. And if this was the episode they wanted to own it? I’d be fine.

I mean, I know like a huge part of the fandom wouldn’t be fine, but at least it would make a modicum of sense. Here Lies Chloe’s Development, 2k18-2k19.

Yet….they kind of tried to say different? Like, what was Chloe’s screen time devoted to? First, Bullying Aurore, then Marinette, then Alya even though she didn’t say anything to her. Then, she’s on her roof, shining her Bee Light in the sky and stomping her foot demanding her Miraculous, insisting she’s the Nicest, Best person for the job. We are then treated to clips of Chloe threatening the Principal to get out of cleanup for pulling the fire alarm, something Chloe did, and Chloe ignoring Sabrina’s very existence. Then they try to backtrack on that with clips of Chloe helping Ladybug in Despair Bear and being Queen Bee, as if to say “well, she got better.” Then Stormy Weather arrives and Chloe digs in her heels and says for the second time “Once a Villain, Always a Villain.” Then we’re shown a clip of Ladybug and Char Noir fighting Queen Wasp, Chloe’s second VILLAIN form! Eventually Chloe is released from her ice prison but with zero gratitude, saying “Queen Bee would’ve been faster and better.” Chloe’s time was devoted to giving us tonal whiplash and ping ponging between “Chloe’s Terrible!” to “Chloe’s a Hero!” Except they keep lingering on the Terrible part.

I’m just confused, because this could work. I swear it can. If the whole point of this is that Chloe’s redemption failed? This all makes sense. Chloe’s “good” points are brought up by Sabrina, a biased untrustworthy narrator. And it can actually be a good set up for future episodes where Chloe is not given the bee and is getting more and more angry about it, especially because she was foolish enough to share her identity so her peers are ribbing her about it. The only problem with this is the let down for all the people rooting for Chloe. Lot’s of people were hoping Chloe would become worthy of the Bee, and while lots and lots and LOTs were let down by the Battles of the Queens, some were still holding out hope. So this would definitely kill the vibe for those people. Personally, while I’m confused at least this route would make some sense. So I’ll…hold my judgement on this bit. I will tell you when it first came out I was really pissed at it though.

Plagg isn’t being screwed over by the flashbacks themselves, he’s just screwed over by the dialogue. Plagg who’s always tried to get Adrien to be a little selfish with his time is now defending Gabriel-No-Fun-Allowed Agreste? Plagg who was the first to point out Ladybug never said she’d show up for the picnic is now using this as a reason why Ladybug isn’t all that great? Yeah, miss me with that OOC bullshit, bring me back my son.

I think that’s all the characters they went for, so okay. How do we fix this. How do we fix anything with these flashbacks.

Fix this by using flashbacks as they are intended. Each flashback needs to include a new piece of information, either for the audience or for the characters speaking. For Marinette’s first flashback, instead of playing the whole thing, show Marinette reading the Valentine with narration how at the time she thought it was for her, but she now realizes it was meant for someone else. That’s new information for the audience. For Adrien, maybe the fact that he can’t think of how he’s changed is a good thing. It can be a spark for him deciding to be better, to train harder and become more serious about his job. Nothing will change until he puts in the effort. That can help a moral of the episode: That People Can Change, but Only Through Honest Effort.

Dig in with Gabriel = Bad. I know they’re trying to make Gabriel more sympathetic by making it out like he’s improving, but they’re just wrong. He’s not. Not unless he does a near 180 in this season. So instead of making him think of that one time Adrien was in danger, give him flashes, quick, rapid flashes of innocent people in danger. Nathaniel screaming when Horrificator grabs him, cars crashing because Backwarder sent that woman into the crosswalk, Kim and Max running from Animan as a panther. Show all the people he doesn’t know, how far he ACTUALLY has gone for his goals. And then have him shake it off. We already know he doesn’t care about Adrien’s safety or else Gorizilla wouldn’t have happened at all. This shows us that he doesn’t care about people in general. Like the DJWifi flashback, we could infer this, but this makes the audience have to think about it and makes it about Gabriel’s character. 

Have Chloe argue her worthiness with someone else. Maybe Stormy Weather. 

“Ooh Chloe, what’s wrong? No one came to give you a Miraculous? Maybe they realized that you didn’t deserve it.”

“Excuse you?! I am the nicest person ever! Of COURSE I deserve it!”

“Wasn’t so nice of you to pull the fire alarm and try to frame Marinette. Wasn’t so nice of you to pretend your best friend didn’t exist!”

“How dare you?! I’ll have you know Ladybug never could’ve defeated Despair Bear without me! And she’s constantly relied on me as Queen Bee!”

“Was that before or after you crashed that train? Or maybe it was after you turned your own father into an akuma! What was it you told me earlier? Once a Villain, Always a Villain? Well, you would know Queen Wasp!”

You don’t need a flashback to recall a scene from earlier in the series. If you did, every series would be filled with them. Typically a series has enough faith in their audience that they’ll remember a line or moment or object without having to devote screen time to showing it to us the exact same way they did the first time. So replace some with verbal call backs or with a quick flash of the previous moment. Instead of showing the full flashback of Adrien reading the Valentine out loud to Plagg, just show a flash of it drifting next to him and his eyes landing on it. Instead of showing the entire time Luka and Marinette were together at the rink, flash between their faces and him holding her hand and their lift in rapid succession. It helps the pacing and doesn’t steal focus from the fact that it’s Adrien remembering this. And of course, get rid of flashbacks that don’t add anything. We didn’t need to see every characters transformation to remember they’re heroes or villains. We don’t need to see CN and LB kick several akumas asses to remember they fight well together. We don’t need to see Adrien sneaking into school or being surrounded by his peers to remember he goes to school now and has friends.

TLDR: Start with Aurore becoming the new weather girl, nervous to follow what she admit’s is Mireille’s very impressive lead. Chloe antagonizes Aurore over being the runner up and that her lack of popularity hasn’t changed. Aurore worries that Chloe’s right and that she’ll be unwanted even though she’s worked hard to compete with Mireille. She becomes Stormy Weather.

Marinette notes maybe Chloe’s right about Adrien (mentions that she thought his Valentine was for her but realizes now it was meant for someone else). But then she and Tikki talk about how she’s improved - confidence, controls her jealousy, is more assertive towards adults. Switch to Agreste Mansion, everything plays same as episode up to Gabriel turning into Hawkmoth (maybe skip transformation. Might leave it because it’s only the second time we’ve seen it).

Hawkmoth wonders if Nooroo’s right about going too far, has a series of quick flashes to all the people he’s terrorized, but comes to the conclusion there’s no going back now. In Adrien’s room, Plagg is saying he likes when people don’t change and talks about his cheese fetish. Adrien insists that change is the only way for things to improve. Plagg tries to insist that Adrien’s life has changed, but Adrien admits that was just the first step and he hasn’t done much to challenge his life since then. Plagg tries to bring up some changes with Gabriel, but every positive is challenged with a negative from Adrien. He played piano with me? He didn’t let me see the fireworks with my friends. He let me see my mom’s movie? Only after I was nearly squashed by an akuma which would’ve been avoided if he let me go to the movies in the first place. etc.

Stormy Weather makes herself known. She’s blowing the city away with tornadoes. Alya and Nino are huddled talking about how Hawkmoth seems to be getting worse. But they admit their lives are different thanks to him or rather thanks to Ladybug inadvertently bringing them together. They also talk about the other time they’ve been together (sitting together, getting ice cream, when he tried to protect her in Anansi). Then Nora and the girls crowd them into the living room away from the windows where it’s dangerous and they huddle together, Nora making sure to include Nino who’s earned her trust.

Chloe’s shining her light in the sky and getting frustrated. As she starts to whine about where Ladybug is with her miraculous, Stormy Weather appears and teases Chloe for being left out, which Chloe counters with how great she is. Stormy list the “nice things” Chloe’s done (pulling the alarm and ignoring Sabrina) and Chloe fires back she’s worked with Ladybug. Stormy continues to taunt Chloe for the awful things she did with the Miraculous and calls her Queen Wasp before freezing her. Then the battle with Ladybug and Chat Noir begins.

Clara (who is not Clara btw they used the wrong model look it up in the wiki) can still give the play by play, but this is because the fight is happening in the distance. We still see Ladybug and Chat Noir fighting against Stormy Weather, but it’s so far away we can’t hear the banter or see the details. We’re getting the Parisian Civilian Experience of an Akuma fight, which is unclear but still in plain view. The fight ends with a similar but slightly altered version of what took down Stormy Weather down the first time and Ladybug cleanses the akuma.

Ladybug takes Aurore down to the ground level (convienitently in front of the TV Station). Aurore feels upset about becoming an akuma, the same akuma as before, and thinks it’s proof that Chloe was right - that she hasn’t changed. But Ladybug reassures her that she knows Aurore has worked really hard and she knows she’s become a better person since the first time they met. Aurore is confused how Ladybug could possibly know that but luckily her timer is running low so she and Chat Noir bounce.

Marinette leaves the notes for Adrien, this goes the same as in canon. When Tikki praises Marinette, she says “I’ve changed in so many ways, I can change here too.”

In his room, Adrien sighs over how Ladybug only ever seems to improve, only gets more and more clever and amazing. Plagg reminds him that she may be great but she’s got her sights set on someone else and maybe it’s time he does the same, bringing out the fancards. Adrien tells Plagg “It’s not that simple. Even if I wanted to change my mind, the heart wants what it wants. I can’t stop loving someone as simple as that. But I can become better. Ladybug’s always improving herself so maybe it’s time I do the same. I need to keep up with her example.” 

Nathalie drops off Marinette’s notes. Adrien has a quick flash of when he first lays eyes on the “Ladybug” Valentine before comparing the handwritting on both, remarking that they’re very similar. He thinks back to the moment Marinette stuttered through that she’s into fashion and doesn’t think of him that way (and JUST that part, we don’t need the whole thing jesus) and says “She already said she doesn’t love me. There’s no way this is from her…right? Besides, there’s…(quick flashes of Luka and Marinette having fun at the ice rink) Luka.”

Resigned, he says “There’s no way it’s from Marinette.”

[miguel-manbemel]

Aspects & Fanfics Ep. 7: The Dungeon and the Dragon Witch: The Sides' Team Adventure

Seventh entry of the “Aspects & Fanfics” fanfic blog inspired on “Sanders Sides” by Thomas Sanders and Joan. And it’s the first one since the magnificent “Selfishness v. Selflessness”. I had it almost finished yesterday, but I prefered to wait some time to publish it in order not to be bothersome to those commenting the new episode. Fun fact, I was writing one of the last paragraphs when the YouTube notification kicked in. I had my headphones a little loud, I was so concentrated in the writing... I got the scare of my lifetime and I jumped on my chair like if it had been an air horn... xD.

Luckily enough, for the time being there’s nothing in the new episode that contradicts badly what I had written in previous entries, the new episode could perfectly have happened between “Embarrasing Phases” and my first entry, but anyway, remember that this fanfic has its own alternate continuity after “Embarrasing Phases”, even though I was pleasantly surprised to see that I coincidentally guessed some minor details from the real episode that I had mentioned in previous installments of mine, like my episode where Logan wanted Thomas not to have a candy party and eat healthy instead, and then in the end card of the real episode Logan remarked that Thomas needed the nutrients from the salsa verde enchiladas and shouldn’t eat the butterfinger. The coincidence made me chuckle. Should any major changes come to the canon series (and they will certainly come sooner or later, it’s only a matter of time and the Team Foster Dawg’s expertise), I would try to add them into the fanfic respecting my continuity if I can. The alternative would be starting from scratch after each real episode is released, but that would be impractical if I want to tell a coherent story, wouldn’t it?

For this entry, that took me longer than I expected, again because of a couple of blockings during the process, I had the idea of incorporating tabletop roleplaying into the story. I used to play it for a little amounts of time years ago. I’ve forgotten almost everything but the basics, and I never played “Dungeons & Dragons” or similar games (I think I played the “Lord of the Rings” role playing game, and also briefly “Vampire the Masquerade”), so I decided not to stick to any particular gaming rules and make up my own rules to make them fit into the story. Also, I didn’t want to put too many gaming details, as the story is already long enough as it is. As usual, references will be made to previous entries, so if you want to read them beforehand, you can find them right here. And thank you so much to each and everyone who has liked any of the entries, reblogged or written comments. I really appreciate them and feel honored for your words. I already said in the first entry that nothing I could write could get even closer to the original, and that’s not my intention, but I hope I can do justice to your praises. And now after this too long introduction, let’s get cracking with the fic already.

SYNOPSIS: Thomas has been invited to participate in a stage show where he’ll be role-playing in front of an audience. As it’s been ages since the last time he role played, he doesn’t remember how to play anymore and feels insecure, thinking he’s gonna mess up in front of hundreds of people. The Sides appear and suggest to have a session of role-playing all together, so that they can help Thomas freshen up his game.

WARNINGS: Inside the game, there will be encounters with monsters, fighting and everything that comes with it, including the death of one of the main Sides’ characters. But it is made clear all the time that nothing’s real and it’s just a game, so it shouldn’t be a bad trigger to anyone. But it’s better too much warning than not enough, so there it is. In general, apart of these in-game moments, there’s not much more I can think of, except in the ending segment, where some mild angst will make an appearance.

EPISODE INDEX

THOMAS: Good evening, everyone! My name is Thomas Sanders and… I have no clue of how to get out of this situation! That’s a constant in my life, though.

[intro sequence]

THOMAS: What is up, everybody? You guys, I’m really excited for this weekend. One of my friends has invited me to a convention about tabletop Role Playing. I really liked Role Playing long ago when I was younger, and I still like it. I mean, it was true acting at home with friends, all mixed up with a really fun game. Who wouldn’t love it? In the con, we’re gonna play a game of RPG with other people to see who’s the best, all on-stage in front of hundreds of people who are gonna watch the show. I mean, I haven’t played RPG in ages, but… [suddenly shows a serious slightly terrified face of realization] Wait a minute… I haven’t played in ages. I don’t remember how to play anymore! [terrified squealing] Oh, my gosh, I’m gonna make a fool of myself in front of hundreds of people!

VIRGIL: [appearing] Seriously? You have to get me to work at full cap even for a game? Isn’t a game supposed to be done for fun?

THOMAS: Yes, Virgil, it is, but this game is going to be seen live by so many people… and I don’t remember how to play! It will be like going on-stage without rehearsing! Nothing would make me more anxious than that!

HONESTY: [rising up] But Thomas, you said it was on the weekend. You still have plenty of time to rehearse your game, don’t you?

THOMAS: I wouldn’t even know where to start, Honesty. I don’t even have the materials, like papers, dices, books…

LOGAN: [rising up, over-excited yelling] Did someone say BOOKS?

VIRGIL: [startled] What the f…! Not again, Logan!

LOGAN: Apologies. Thomas, what books are you talking about?

THOMAS: I mean, the basics for a good game of role-playing are contained in books, where there are the rules, the mechanics, examples of characters and basic adventures…

ROMAN: [rising up] But Thomas, to play a game of these there’s one thing among others that you already have. Me! Your creativity is the most important part of the game and you already have it with you. Cheer up!

THOMAS: Yes, but this is not like writing something for myself and then acting it. If it was that easy, I’d have full creative freedom and that would be my home ground. But when you have to subject your creativity to the constraints of some rules… that’s a tall order, especially if you don’t remember those rules.

PATTON: [rising up] Then why don’t we play ourselves?

LOGAN: What?

PATTON: Think about it. If we have a game of role-playing all of us together with Thomas, it would work like a rehearsal for him, and it would help him remember the rules. Besides, I would love to play with all of you, guys! I’m tired of playing solitaire in my room…

ROMAN: Well, at least it would be safer than Patton-cake… I had stiffness in my arms for a week after so much swimming running away from the piranhas, and I still haven’t recovered full sensitivity in my fingers after the hot candle wax…

THOMAS: I love that idea, Patton!

HONESTY: Mmm… that’s not my cup of tea, however. I’m not much into something where everything is out of reality. I find it… [yawns] ...boring. Excuse me.

LOGAN: I would agree, but if it works to help Thomas, I will sacrifice myself. Wouldn’t you, Hon?

HONESTY: [reluctantly] I…

DECEIT: [through Honesty’s body] Well, I love this kind of game, where everybody pretends to be someone they’re not. If Honesty doesn’t want to participate, may I in his place?

THOMAS: Of course, Deceit, join us.

[Honesty transforms into Deceit]

DECEIT: [grinning] Cool.

HONESTY: [through Deceit’s body] Well, that settles it then. If you don’t mind, I’m a little tired, so I’m gonna use your game time to take a nap, okay? [yawns] Have fun, Deceit.

DECEIT: Bye, Honesty, but don’t start snoring in the middle of the game, okay?

HONESTY: Hey, I don’t snore! It’s just strong breathing!

DECEIT: Of course it is… And then I’m the deceitful one of the fam…

PATTON: You two are such good friends now, Deceit.

DECEIT: Nah, we’re just roommates, only that we’re sharing a body instead of a house.

THOMAS: Okay, so, if we’re gonna role-play today, we’re gonna need a table and materials… I think I’m gonna need your help, Roman, are you following me?

ROMAN: Sure, Thomas. I’m following you… [confused] Where do you want me to follow you?

LOGAN: [facepalms while mumbling] Oh, my goodness, el príncipe es mucho estúpido…

ROMAN: [offended] Logan, that’s not right! [beat] It is “muy estúpido”, not “mucho estúpido”.

LOGAN: Whatever, it’s true…

THOMAS: Roman, I meant that I need a room in the Mind Palace for role-playing, with a table and all the materials we need.

ROMAN: Oh, you could have said it earlier, Thomas! All right, let’s get playing now!

[Roman snaps his finger and Thomas and the Sides appear in a room with a large round table. Thomas is sitting down in the middle and the Sides are sitting around the table, in the order they usually stand in the living-room.]

THOMAS: This is so cool. Look, here are the tools for doing an adventure. I’ll be the Dungeon Master.

VIRGIL: Wait a minute, if there’s a dungeon, I should be its master! It suits me more than you!

THOMAS: You guys are saying all the time that I am the boss of this, or the master or that… I’d say I’m fitting for the role, am I not?

VIRGIL: Touche, Thomas… Okay, but I hope to get a good dark character at least…

THOMAS: You will all play the characters you want in the end. But, I thought it would be more fun if we played characters that are the complete opposite of us. It would make it more challenging. What do you think?

PATTON: Yayyy!

ROMAN: Why not? I love challenges…

LOGAN: It really doesn’t matter what we choose because nothing is real anyway, so count me in.

DECEIT: [low fake voice] I’m feeling quite confident, but let’s try it anyway.

VIRGIL: Ummm…

PATTON: Come on, Virgil, this is just for fun! Don’t hesitate!

VIRGIL: Okay, okay. I hope this doesn’t turn into a mess.

THOMAS: That’s the spirit, you won’t regret it! Okay, I have the character sheets ready, then. Virgil, you’re gonna be the bard. Specialized in singing and dancing that can buff the rest of the team’s power in their attacks…

VIRGIL: [picking up the sheet Thomas is giving him] I’m already regretting it…

THOMAS: Roman, you’re gonna be… the wizard.

ROMAN: Oh…

THOMAS: Specialized in the studying of spells and the casting of magic attacks.

ROMAN: Okay… [to himself, trying to cheer himself up] Challenge, challenge, challenge…

THOMAS: Logan, you’re gonna be… the knight. Master of sword, armor and melee combat.

ROMAN: What? He is gonna be the knight? [starts laughing]

LOGAN: And why couldn’t I be the knight?

ROMAN: May I bring up a list of reasons or are we short on time?

LOGAN: Well, at least I’d be a more competent knight with better strategy ideas. You, on the contrary, are always more preoccupied of having your sword clean to delight in your own face reflected on it, rather than learning how to wield it!

ROMAN: Well, at least I wield a sword for real! If you had to grab my sword I’m sure you’d cut yourself even without taking it out of the sheath!

LOGAN: And I wonder if you’ll be able to learn any kind of spell with your wizard! You weren’t able even to memorize your washing machine manual!

ROMAN: I’m a prince, I’ve got servants for that! I memorize only the things that are useful for me! You instead have memorized lots of things that are worth for nothing and utterly stupid, you Fact Hoarder!

LOGAN: FALSEHOOD!

[Roman and Logan start arguing]

VIRGIL: [covering his ear with a little dash of pain] Why do I always have to be next to Logan when he screeches like that?

DECEIT: You’re always next to Logan, Virgil.

VIRGIL: True… May we switch places?

DECEIT: I’d be delighted… No.

THOMAS: [to Logan and Roman] Guys, guys! Relax! This is a game of teamwork, you’re not supposed to fight against each other!

[Roman and Logan stop arguing and give a dirty look to each other]

DECEIT: Okay, what will be my part, then?

THOMAS: Yes, Deceit… [searching between the sheets] You’re gonna be… [finding the sheet and giving it to Deceit] … the priest!

DECEIT: [grabbing the sheet, with a sarcastic fake low voice and a face of disgust] Wee… My heart is filled with joy…

THOMAS: You’ll have the power of truth and faith in your hands so you can heal your allies’ wounds and repel the darkest creatures.

PATTON: [excited] And now it’s my turn!

THOMAS: Yes, Patton, and you’re gonna be… the Dark Warlock! You get your powers from evil and use them for your own benefit. You are helping your team, but only for as long as they’re useful to you.

PATTON: [happy] Yaayyyy!

THOMAS: See? Learn from Patton, you guys! He has taken it much better than all of you!

PATTON: [threatening low evil voice] Call me Supreme Lord of Evil Patton, you slaves! I’m ready to win this adventure and I won’t tolerate any failures! It is either victory or death for you!

ROMAN: [in shock] Wow… He’s got into character really fast… Okay, guys, let’s dress into character to make the adventure more realistic.

[They all suddenly change their outfits. Roman is wearing a white and red robe with a red wizard hat. Patton is wearing a black robe with a blood red hood and a light blue medal over his chest with a gargoyle carved on it. He’s still wearing his glasses. Logan is wearing a medieval armor with an indigo sash on the chest and an open helmet exposes his face, which shows he’s also still wearing his glasses. Virgil is wearing purple peasant garments, including tights and a hood. He still has his usual eyeshadow and he’s holding Thomas’ ukulele. And Deceit is wearing a yellow priest’s tunic, wearing on the head what resembles a miter, those tall hats that Catholic bishops wear, only a little smaller and also in yellow.]

THOMAS: Wow, nice cosplay, you guys, this will really help getting into action! Okay, it’s time to let the adventure begin��� And I’ll read the beginning. [with his trademark narrator voice] Story time! You are in front of the door of a huge dungeon. A king has hired you to retrieve a talisman that can save his kingdom. To do so, you must take it off the cold hands of the evil ruler of the dungeon. It won’t be an easy task, as lots of enemies, traps and other dangers are blocking your way, but nothing worse than all the perils you’ve already gone through in the past. The first obstacle is the door that lies in front of you, which of course is locked. What will you do?

LOGAN: Easy… [with robotic voice doing a gesture of typing text with his hands, sound of typing is heard and a little beep when he enters] “Unlock door with picklock. Enter”.

THOMAS: [confused] … what…? [realizing] Oh! Logan, this is not one of those old school text adventure games from the ancient computers of the eighties… You have to act your actions convincingly… and besides you’re not carrying any picklock with you.

LOGAN: Okay, I’ll try… I’ll hit the lock with my sword to break it.

THOMAS: Okay… throw a 20 sided dice for aim.

[Logan throws a dice]

LOGAN: 1!? 20 sides and I get only a 1!? What are the odds!?

THOMAS: Fumble. You miss the lock and you hit your own foot. You can be lucky that your armor absorbs the damage to your body. Not so much to your ego, though, and the armor loses one point of durability.

[Roman chuckles]

LOGAN: [angry] Shut up!

ROMAN: [confident] Make way, I’ll do it. I’ll throw a spell to swiftly unlock the door.

THOMAS: Throw a dice for magic expertise.

[Roman throws the dice, he gets another 1]

LOGAN: [laughs lively, then ironic] Make way for the prince of experts!

THOMAS: Fumble. The spell not only does not unlock the door. It makes the lock even stronger and more difficult to break than it was before. Further tries will need three more points than normal to be successful.

ROMAN: [angry] These dices are loaded!

THOMAS: Hey, don’t blame me. You created this room and all its materials, including these dices.

[Roman shows a sudden mischievous smile]

THOMAS: [firm voice] Don’t you dare! Don’t manipulate the dices! The game must be fair!

ROMAN: [sighs] Fine…

PATTON: [evil voice] Step aside, you amateur fools! This will be no problem for my magic! I’ll throw a curse to destroy the door altogether!

THOMAS: Okay, throw a dice for evil strength.

PATTON: [after throwing the dice] Eleven!

THOMAS: Your curse is partially successful. The door isn’t completely destroyed, but the lock itself is, leaving a hole. Now you can open it and enter the dungeon. Behind the door there’s a long dark corridor.

VIRGIL: Shouldn’t we have some torches? Because the corridor is dark and full of terrors…

DECEIT: As a matter of fact, apparently I carry a bag of torches with me.

THOMAS: Yes, you have torches… but no means to light them.

ROMAN: I’ll make some magic fire to light the torches.

THOMAS: Okay, throw a dice for magic expertise.

LOGAN: Don’t screw it up.

[Logan throws the dice, he gets a 20]

ROMAN: [happy] Yes, baby! [to Logan, sarcastic] What were you saying about screwing up…?

LOGAN: Let me see that dice…

THOMAS: Critical hit! The torches don’t light up, but all the existing sources of light in the corridor and in all the dungeon do light up. You’re no longer in need of light for the rest of your adventure.

ROMAN: That’s more like it.

VIRGIL: [groans] He’s gonna be boasting about it all week long, I can see it…

ROMAN: Did you doubt it…? You better write a good song about my talents, bard.

VIRGIL: At least it’s gonna be a short song then.

ROMAN: [offended noises] Ugh!?

DECEIT: Shouldn’t we get cracking? We’ve taken two centuries to get the front door open. Let’s come in already.

LOGAN: Yeah, let’s go.

THOMAS: All right, you enter into the corridor. You advance a few steps until you reach some stairs that go down. There’s also a door next to the stairs.

VIRGIL: I’ll examine the door.

THOMAS: Throw a dice for perception.

[Virgil throws a dice and he gets an 8]

THOMAS: You see there’s some bright oily substance on the latch, but you can’t quite identify what it is.

VIRGIL: That looks suspicious. I’m not gonna touch it. Let’s examine the stairs instead.

THOMAS: Okay, throw another dice.

[Virgil throws a dice and he gets a 14]

THOMAS: You see a secret mechanism on the edge of the stairs. It looks like a trap, and you find no way of disabling it.

LOGAN: Fine, so now we’re stuck between a weird oily substance and a most than probable trap. Fantastic. Although… I’m wearing an armor, with gauntlets and all. I don’t have to touch that substance to open the door, do I? It makes all the sense that I open it. I’ll do it.

THOMAS: You open the door. The oily substance happens to be a powerful acid that corrodes your gauntlet. You have to quickly take the gauntlet off so it doesn’t reach your skin. In a matter of a couple of minutes, only a viscous smoky slime remains of your gauntlet.

LOGAN: Not fair!

THOMAS: Give thanks that it’s not your hand what has suffered that destiny.

LOGAN: Lucky me that I’m carrying a spare gauntlet in my bag.

THOMAS: Yes, but the spare gauntlet is less durable than the original. So now you have two points less of durability, and that makes three points less.

LOGAN: Well, at least the door is open.

THOMAS: And you won’t like it, cause behind the door there’s a monster. A vicious indescribable entity that attacks your team.

PATTON: [cold voice] I’ll throw a curse on it. It’ll regret messing up with me!

THOMAS: Throw a dice for magic strength.

[Patton gets a 20]

THOMAS: Wow! It’s a critical hit! The creature bursts into flames!

PATTON: [evil sadistic laughter and yelling] Yes… muahahaha! Burn! BURN! B-U-U-U-U-R-N!

ROMAN: Did I already say that I’m a little scared of how much Patton has got into character?

THOMAS: In a matter of seconds, only a pile of ashes remains of the monster.

PATTON: I’ll grab the ashes. They may come in useful for my spells.

THOMAS: I presume you want to enter the next room, right?

LOGAN: Allons-y!

THOMAS: Where did I hear that before…? Okay. The next room has a spiral staircase in the center. There is also a little chest in a corner.

VIRGIL: I’ll examine the coffin, it could be another trap.

THOMAS: Throw for perception.

[Virgil throws and he gets a 16]

THOMAS: You find no kind of traps in the chest. It is safe to open, and it’s full of gold coins.

VIRGIL: Cool, at last, something good.

DECEIT: Now, let’s go downstairs.

THOMAS: All right, you go down the stairs. The stairs are long… really long… It looks as if you were descending to the depths of the earth, or even as if you were right on your way to the underworld. When you’ve lost notion of time and it seems like you’ve been going on for forever this way, you finally reach the bottom. There’s a corridor right in front of the stairs.

VIRGIL: I search for traps in the corridor.

THOMAS: Throw for perception then.

[Virgil throws and he gets a 9]

THOMAS: You discover that there’s a trap in the middle of the corridor, but can’t find the way to disable it.

LOGAN: Oh, great, now we know there’s a trap and we can’t disable it. We’re trapped between going up those stairs again or falling to our doom.

ROMAN: Well, perhaps I could throw a spell of divination to search how to unlock the trap.

THOMAS: Okay, throw for magic expertise.

[Roman throws and he gets a 19]

ROMAN: Good one!

THOMAS: Almost a critical, but not quite yet. However, your spell is entirely successful and you see an almost hidden lever right at the entrance of the corridor. If you push that lever, the trap will be disabled.

ROMAN: Of course, I’ll push it.

THOMAS: Uh-oh. It is too hard. You’re gonna need to throw a dice for physical strength.

[Roman throws and he gets a 3]

ROMAN: Cursed dragon witches!

THOMAS: You can’t move the lever, not even an inch.

LOGAN: I guess I’ll have to try again. My character is specialized in physical strength after all. Give me that dice.

[Logan throws the dice and he gets a 14]

THOMAS: Well done. You manage to push the lever. You hear muffled cracking sounds behind the walls and feel a smooth shaking on the floor. The trap is disabled and you can keep going.

DECEIT: Well, let’s go, then.

THOMAS: You advance through the corridor, until you cross a door to a huge room. There is a crystal ball on the top of a cane that is fixed on the floor.

VIRGIL: I don’t like the look of this…

THOMAS: And you’re right, Virgil, because as you all come into the room, the door slams behind you and an evil laugh is heard. “This will be your tomb, adventurers!” you can hear.

PATTON: [confident evil voice] Wanna bet?

THOMAS: From the crystal ball a lightning surges and three ominous hooded creatures are created from the crystal. They start attacking you. The first creature aims at Logan. She throws a ray at you. I throw for aim…

[Thomas throws and he gets a 13]

THOMAS: I hit you. Now you must throw for defense.

[Logan throws and he gets a 9]

THOMAS: The armor absorbs part of the damage but it’s not enough to avoid it making you a wound in your hand, your less protected part. You lose 2 points of health, and have 16 left.

PATTON: [suddenly breaking out of character, squealing angry] Don’t touch my Teach Boy, you monster! I throw a curse to the creature!

THOMAS: The curse has no effect.

PATTON: Don’t I get to throw a dice?

THOMAS: Nope. No matter what you try, you can’t do any damage to them.

PATTON: [squealing angry] Not fair!

VIRGIL: [thinking] Hmm…

DECEIT: I had the power to repel dark creatures, right? I’m gonna use it.

THOMAS: Very well, throw for faith.

[Virgil throws and he gets a 16]

THOMAS: You create a force field around the three creatures. They can’t get out of it, and that gives you three turns to think and apply your strategy, even though Deceit cannot throw any other spells while he’s holding the force field. You better hurry.

ROMAN: Virgil, you said a significant “Hmm” earlier. Have you got any ideas?

VIRGIL: I was thinking about how Thomas didn’t let us throw any dices. That means these creatures are invincible. However each creature in a role-playing game should have a weak point or else there would be no chance to beat the game, and I doubt that such an impossible game would appear as a basic adventure in a book of the game.

THOMAS: Guys… I would have preferred if you’d reached that conclusion without having to get so meta, that breaks the mood of the story.

VIRGIL: Our aim should not be the creatures. These creatures appeared from a ray that came from that crystal ball. I suggest that we destroy the crystal ball and see what happens next.

LOGAN: Good idea. It’s payment time! I’ll hit the ball with my sword!

THOMAS: Throw for aim.

ROMAN: And don’t stab your foot this time!

[Logan throws and he gets an 11]

THOMAS: You hit the ball, but not hard enough to destroy it. However, you crack it, which makes the creatures flicker back and forth.

ROMAN: [singing to the tune of “It’s My Time” by Jade Ewen] It’s my time, it’s my time, my moment! [stops singing] I throw a spell to pulverize the ball!

THOMAS: Throw for magic expertise.

LOGAN: And try not to fix the crack, please.

[Logan throws and he gets a 16]

THOMAS: The ball gets broken to pieces. The creatures disappear and so does Deceit’s force field, just in time.

ROMAN: Yes, I did it!

VIRGIL: We did it, Roman. This was done with the effort of all of us.

ROMAN: Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.

THOMAS: He’s right. Nice teamwork, guys.

DECEIT: Now I’ll heal Logan’s wounds, he needs it.

LOGAN: Thanks, Deceit.

THOMAS: Throw for faith.

[Deceit throws and he gets a 20]

THOMAS: Critical hit! Not only all his wounds are healed, and with that all his points of health are restored. You also fix all of his armor, and he recovers all the lost points of durability.

DECEIT: Nice!

LOGAN: Good job!

THOMAS: You started with awful luck with the dices, but now it’s a chain of criticals from all of you. Roman, are you sure you didn’t bribe the dices?

ROMAN: I give my royal word that I didn’t manipulate the dices, Thomas!

[Deceit gives a mischievous smile to Virgil, and he silently chuckles without Thomas noticing]

THOMAS: Okay… Now that the room is empty, you notice a huge chest next to a door in the background.

VIRGIL: Let’s examine it.

THOMAS: Throw for perception.

[Virgil throws and he gets a 16]

THOMAS: There are no traps in the chest. Inside it, you find it’s full of diamonds.

VIRGIL: Let’s share it all, we’ve all earned it in equal parts.

PATTON: [normal Patton voice] Agreed… [clears throat, then with low evil voice] Agreed for the time being…

ROMAN: The fact that you broke out of character earlier and now has calmed me down, Patton. For a moment I thought you were Wrath in disguise…

DECEIT: Please, Roman. There’s only one master of disguise in this Mind Palace, and he’s in front of you. I have never seen a worse shape-shifter than Wrath, you should see him…

VIRGIL: Yeah, he’s right. Remember when he tried to impersonate me and he put the eyeshadow over the eyebrows? He looked like an emo version of Groucho Marx.

[Deceit laughs]

THOMAS: Okay, back to the game, guys… The door opens and you enter in what looks like a throne room.

DECEIT: Ooh… There’s a smell of final battle in the atmosphere…

THOMAS: The dungeon ruler is in front of you. They’re wearing a golden armor that covers their face, but that doesn’t diminish their threatening aura. They don’t say a word. They just stand up from their throne and shows the talisman. It is a golden necklace with strange symbols carved on the brightest ruby. A magic glows from it. Then, they throw it to a chest that closes itself and is then protected with a bright force field. You know what you have to do. Only by defeating them the force field will be gone and the talisman will be yours.

VIRGIL: Okay, it’s time to start singing to boost your abilities, I guess… [clears throat, then singing] “Woords fail… woords fail… there’s nothing I can say...”

ROMAN: Um… Virgil, your supposed to lift our spirits, not to send us into deep sadness. Sing a happy cheery song!

VIRGIL: Nobody appreciates real art… Okay, how about this…?

[Virgil starts singing “Friday I’m in Love” by The Cure while playing the ukulele]

ROMAN: It’s not “Whistle while you work”, but it’s not bad either.

THOMAS: Okay, thanks to Virgil’s singing, you get a bonus boost of all of your abilities of +5.

LOGAN: Good, keep singing, Virgil. I’ll go attack them on melee mode. You, Deceit, heal me, and anyone who needs healing too. You, Patton, attack them with curses. You, Roman, throw all the offensive spells on them and defensive spells on us, but try not to get the aggro on you…

THOMAS: Logan… Logan, stop. This is tabletop role playing, not “World of Warcraft”. There’s no aggro in here.

LOGAN: Apologies. Forget about the aggro. All the rest still applies. You guys ready?

DECEIT: Ready.

ROMAN: Let’s go get them!

PATTON: He’s gonna feel our rage!

VIRGIL: [still singing] “…it’s Friday, I’m in love”… [threatening voice] If you ever tell that I’ve been singing solo for so long I’m gonna kill you… [resumes singing] “Monday, you can fall apart...”

LOGAN: Okay, team Sanders Sides, let’s go! Geronimoooo!

[The battle begins. As we see shots of the Sides and Thomas throwing dices and silently acting, that is combined with background images of the battle that we see behind them, with the characters actually fighting the creature, while epic music sounds. We see the battle advance, with Logan attacking with his sword, Roman and Patton casting spells, Deceit magically healing everyone and Virgil still singing and playing the ukulele. That until Logan throws a gash onto the armored enemy and knocks him down. At that moment, the armor shakes and a black smoke emerges from it. The smoke turns into a dragon-witch. The battle then resumes, but the dragon-witch’s first attack against Logan knocks him down. Upon seeing this, Patton enters berserk mode and throws a huge stream of fire against the dragon. She responds throwing fire from her mouth and the two streams of fire collide. Virgil plays his song more intensely and Roman supports Patton’s spell with his magic, until the combined forces finally overcome the Dragon’s Witch power and she explodes in a fireball. The scene fades out and we return to the Sides on the table]

PATTON: [dramatic] Logan, are you all right? Talk to me! Deceit, do something!

DECEIT: [dramatic] I’m sorry, guys, his wounds have been too much. He’s gone.

PATTON: [over the top crying] Logan, oh, Logan, why did it have to be you!?

LOGAN: Dag nabbit. We were about to win, and I lost on the finish line.

ROMAN: [angry low voice] Shut up, you’re dead, don’t ruin the mood of the ending!

THOMAS: [epic narrator voice] But his sacrifice wasn’t in vain. The force field in the chest is gone and the talisman is yours. You can be proud of your teamwork guys, you’ve saved the kingdom and you will always be remembered as heroes of legend. Congratulations!

PATTON: [over dramatic] We will never forget you, Logan! Poems will be written honoring your name, the gods will rearrange the stars to forge a constellation with your shape and everyone will get emotional upon seeing it in the sky up until the end of time!

LOGAN: Umm… Patton, that’s not how constellations work…

ROMAN: [waving his hands quickly] Sssshhhhhh! I’m enjoying this…!

[Logan silently sighs and rolls his eyes]

THOMAS: ...aaaand… The End. Well done, guys!

LOGAN: Can I speak now?

ROMAN: Yes.

PATTON: [over the top emotional happiness] Logan! You’re alive, thank God, I thought we had lost you!

LOGAN: Um… Patton, you knew this was all a game of pretend, didn’t you?

PATTON: [surprised] Oh… Was it?

ROMAN: [sighs] No wonder why he got into character so much, he thought everything was real…

THOMAS: Okay, guys, let’s go back.

ROMAN: Agreed.

[Roman snaps his finger and they all get back to the apartment with their habitual outfits]

PATTON: This was really fun, kiddos!

THOMAS: Yeah, it really was. But you almost got a syncope, Patton. Listen, role-playing is good, but don’t get so much into character that you cease to distinguish between fiction and reality. This is just a game and you got too much into it.

PATTON: I’m sorry… But it was fun. And the end was happy for everyone…

LOGAN: ...well, almost for everyone.

THOMAS: It’s okay, Logan. We can repeat this some other day and maybe next time you’ll win too.

LOGAN: The most important thing is… did all this gaming help you for your con?

THOMAS: I think it did. Now I remember all of the rules as if my last game had been yesterday. Thank you so much. And apart of that I also remembered a really important lesson.

LOGAN: Oh, really? What is it?

THOMAS: You reminded me the important value of teamwork. At first when each of you was on your own it looked as if you wouldn’t pass even from the front door, and then you started working as a team and defeating dangers all together as if you were one person.

DECEIT: Well, technically we’re all one person...

THOMAS: I’m proud of all of you, guys.

LOGAN: Thank you. At least my sacrifice has worked for something. [sinking down] Next time, give me an alchemist or something more of my style.

THOMAS: All right, Logan.

PATTON: [sinking down] I’m gonna go get a nice cup of calming tea. I need it after the scary ending we’ve gone through.

THOMAS: Okay, Patton, and sorry.

DECEIT: [sinking down] Well, I’m gonna go wake up Honesty. It is my turn to take a nap, I’m exhausted. See ya.

THOMAS: Bye, Deceit!

VIRGIL: I’ll remind you, just in case, if you ever tell that I was singing solo all of the time, you’re not gonna sleep in a couple of weeks, and it will not be because of your usual habit of not sleeping when editing a video. [sinking down] Be warned.

THOMAS: Okay, Virgil, relax…

ROMAN: Ah… A good old battle. And I’ve had the chance to fight it with all of my friends. Victory tastes sweet, but it tastes to glory when you share it with the people you love. [sinking down] I’m gonna spend my part of the treasure on Fairy Godmother’s, I desperately need a beauty treatment. Bye, Thomas.

THOMAS: Bye, Roman… Well… Life can put lots of challenges of many kinds in front of us. Some of them, we’ll have to face them on our own and in those cases we must be brave, trust ourselves, and give our best. But other times we’ll have the chance to face them in company. In those cases, remember that the value of teamwork will multiply the possibilities of success. Learn about your project partners. Take the time to know your own pros and cons and investigate your pals’. If you work to support each other in your cons and to boost each other in your pros, no one will be able to stop your team. You will be the best of the best and I’ll be even more proud of you than I already am. Until next time, take it easy, guys, gals and non binary pals. Peace out!

[end card]

[Deceit is in the Light Realm, talking to Honesty inside his body]

DECEIT: ...and then Patton threw a ray of fire that destroyed that dragon witch! You should have seen it!

HONESTY: I’m glad that you had fun, Deceit. You really deserved some spare time for a change.

DECEIT: You should have seen it. You should have stayed awaken over there. I was playing a priest of truth, I could have used some help from you.

HONESTY: I’m sorry… But lately, I’ve been feeling… I don’t know how to explain it, like wearing a little thin.

DECEIT: [alarmed] Are you okay? Do you feel sick or something?

HONESTY: No, it’s not that… It’s just that I feel tired, more than tired, exhausted… Don’t worry, Decey. It will pass if I rest.

DECEIT: Oh, I’m not worrying at all…

HONESTY: You’re lying, Deceit, I can see in your mind. I appreciate your concern over me, but I…

[Honesty suddenly stops talking through Deceit’s body. Deceit stays silent for a few seconds. He shows a face of fear]

DECEIT: Honesty? Honesty!? Can you hear me? I’m not feeling you anymore! Honesty!

HONESTY: Oh… Sorry… for a moment I felt like… out of it.

DECEIT: This isn’t normal, Honesty. For a moment I lost all contact with you, as if you had been gone completely.

HONESTY: It just felt as if I’d fallen asleep. Don’t know how to describe it.

DECEIT: Maybe we should talk to Logan, he’s Thomas’ knowledge. He might know what’s going on.

HONESTY: Only if we have no choice. I don’t want Thomas or the Sides to worry unnecessarily.

DECEIT: Let me try something, okay?

HONESTY: What?

DECEIT: Try to get out.

HONESTY: If you insist…

[Deceit is covered by the yellow cloud. It flickers between yellow and orange for a couple of second, then goes back to yellow, dissolves, and Deceit is still there]

HONESTY: I can’t get out…

DECEIT: [scared] Don’t tell me this is normal, Honesty!

HONESTY: I know it isn’t, but let’s wait, all right?

DECEIT: But…

HONESTY: [firm voice] I said let’s wait.

DECEIT: Okay, I hope you know what you’re doing…

HONESTY: Me too, Deceit, me too…

[shikastemari]

like father like son - b&s.

pairing: boruto uzumaki x sarada uchiha (ft kurama wingfox)

request:

word count: 3,196

when it happens: they’re 15 here

warnings: none

a/n: the first time i read this request i was like... what? but once i started writing it was purely YESSSSSSSSSS. i just LOVED the kurama request so badly, it was one of my favorites so far. and i decided to join those two request because someone just decided to request like 7 things yesterday and i just realize i have like 13 things to write and i had to change a few things from the requests so they could fit. i really hope you all enjoy it.

italic means talking inside someone’s head.

MASTERLIST

"Honestly, you are even more idiot than your father, how is it possible?"

A voice popped up on Boruto's head, as he was watching for far Sarada talk to Chocho. He couldn't hold the high pitch that left his throat, making all heads on the street turn in his direction. His cheeks burned red with the sudden attention, and it became worse when he realized Sarada was one of them.

His feet took him to an empty alley, still panting.

"Congratulations. If Sarada didn't know you were a loser by now, she is pretty aware due your little scene."

"Where are you?" Boruto shouted, holding a kunai on his hands, in a position to strike. For a moment, he thought about Inojin and his mother's jutsu. The whole Yamanaka clan had enough ability to go inside someone's head, but Boruto felt in his bones it wasn't the case.

"In your mind, but you had figured it out by now." A rough laughed followed the sentence, making Boruto scowl.

"Who are you?" He demanded to know, feeling exposed by realizing there was someone inside his head.

"Kurama." The voice simply stated.

Honestly, it took some minutes to Boruto realize who Kurama was. A few scenes of his father talking to himself came to his mind. When he was younger, he used to think his father was possessed by a mean spirit and it gave him the creeps. After he got older, he was sure Naruto had lost his mind. At the current moment, he couldn't push away the feeling he was as crazy as his father.

"Yeah, you father is crazy. But not because of me, I can assure you that."

"Am I really talking to a bijuu?" Boruto tilted his head, his out of focus eyes locked on the trash in front of him. "How is that even possible? I can't believe I am a jinchuuriki, dattebasa!" He exclaimed.

"Good thing you can't believe it, since it's not true." Boruto thought he had heard a sigh. "Can you stop talking out loud? People who are passing here are starting to be afraid of you."

Boruto scanned around, his eyes meeting a lot others nearby. Some people were staring at him with narrowed eyes, other had their eyebrows arched, but all the same were thinking the same thing: that he lost his mind.

Boruto couldn't agree more with them.

"One, two, three. Testing." Boruto said in his mind. "Can you hear me, Kyuubi?"

"Loud and clear. Now, take a deep breath and picture me in front of you. You will be able to see me inside your head." Boruto frowned, but still followed what the voice told him.

Suddenly, it was like he was on a giant dark empty room. Boruto didn't know where it ended, because there was no walls, just darkness everywhere. On the ground, had some waves around him, like he was standing on water. But what really took Boruto's air from his lungs were the huge - and by huge he meant HUGE - fox with nine tails standing before him. The red animal had some kind of smile on its face, which just made it scarier.

"okAY KURAMA, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING INSIDE MY HEAD?" Boruto pointed to the creature in front of him.

"Literally like your father, you have no respect for your superiors." Kurama shook its head, but the smile never left its lips. "I was bored." The fox answered with Boruto thought it could be a specie of a shrug.

"Bore-" Boruto cut the phrase on the first sentence, not being able to absorb that information. "How can you be here?"

"Easy. You and your sister have a bit of my chakra running inside your veins, it enables a connection between us." Kurama explained like it was the most obvious thing in this world.

"So why it took this long for you to use this connection?" Boruto questioned.

"As I said before, I am bored." Kurama repeated itself. "And Hima-chan is sleeping."

Boruto felt his jaw falling to the ground.

"Do you talk to my little sister?" Boruto's voice were a mix of worry and shock. "Since when?"

"Since the Hokage's ceremony, when the little girl put me and your father to sleep. She wanted to apologize for the damage and I ended up becoming friends with her."

"The Hokage's ceremony? But that was ages ago!" Boruto chanted.

"What can I say? That little sunflower is my favorite." Kurama confessed. Not even it could run away from Himawari's cuteness.

"Does my dad know about this?" The blond boy pointed to Kurama, then himself. He felt a little overwhelmed by the situation.

"He is so busy about his duties that he doesn't even notice I left." There was a bit of hurt on Kurama's voice, but it quickly faded away. "Anyway, what are we going to do with the Sarada situation?"

Boruto's eyes and mouth were frozen wide open in a expression of stunned surprise, and although he was staring straight at the fox, he appeared not to notice him at all. Until the moment he blurted out. "HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW HER NAME?"

"Chill, little idiot. I have been watching you for a while now, as you have been watching her. I hope you didn't inherit your father's lack of ability to talk to a girl, or you are a little doomed." Kurama took a deep breath.

"What are you talking about? Dad's gotten the girl." His eyebrows furrowed at the giant creature, as if challenging it to contradict him.

"Not the one he originally wanted..." Kurama left out as Boruto's eyes widened once again by the thought of his father wanting another woman. Who did he want?

As reading his thoughts, the Kyuubi laughed and the whole place trembled like an earthquake. "Sorry, I didn't know you weren't aware about it. This whole Uchiha-Uzumaki situation just got even more interesting."

"And what do you mean by that?" Boruto retorted dryly.

"Nothing..." Kurama trailed off, pressing its lips together. "Whatever, so, how are you going to ask her out?"

"I wasn't planning on doing it, actually." Boruto dodged his look from the creature, embarrassed. A huge fit hit him on his head slightly, but at the moment, another high pitch left Boruto's throat as he thought Kurama would kill him right there.

"Yeah, I hate to admit it but Sasuke was right. You are a bigger loser than Naruto ever was."

With that, Boruto was back to the alley. He had to blink a few times to adjust the light to his eyes, and his mind was a little confused.

"Oi, Kyuubi. Where did you go?" Boruto was talking again, but he didn't notice it.

"I am right here. Come on, I will guide you, but first, let's find Sarada." Kurama's voice hovered on his head once again. "Now, move."

But the boy did not such thing. He had no doubts about how his father trusted the fox without hesitation, but could he do the same? After all, fox were known for being tricksters.

A sigh echoed his mind. "I miss the times I was able to control Naruto's body. Things were so much easier back then."

Part of Boruto wanted to ask what did he mean by controlling his dad body, but he preferred not to. Breathing heavily in defeat, the boy went for the place he last saw Sarada and he was no surprise of discovering she was still there. Suddenly, Boruto founds himself shaking. His stomach shifted uneasily as he noticed his hands pinching into his skin.

"Pathetic. Just do what I say. Go say hi." He almost could feel the fox rolling its eyes at him.

"Why would I do such thing?" Boruto shot back, as he gnawed the inside of his cheek, the taste of blood filling his mouth right after.

"I wonder if I made Naruto so frustrated when I didn't trust him as you are making me. Karma is a bitch. Just do it, Boruto." A corrent of electricity ran through all his body and he took a step forward. As his eyes widened, Boruto kept walking towards the raven girl, his hands still shaking from being nervous.

He stopped right behind her, not daring to say a word. Chocho, who was in front of her, smiled widely, grabbing Sarada's shoulder and turning her to face Boruto, her glass almost falling from her colorless face by the abrupt movement. He felt his stomach knotting all over again.

"Nice. Now open your mouth and say 'Sarada, do you want to go on a date with me?" Kurama instructed.

But nothing happened, except for Chocho few words saying she was leaving. Both of them just stood there, looking everyone but each other.

"Boruto, say 'hi' at least." A sound of slap filled his mind and he didn't know if it was Kurama facepalming itself or it trying to get some reaction out of him.

If it was the second option, Kurama must be disappointed. Again, nothing happened.

"Kami, just saying something!" Kurama shouted.

As Boruto opened his mouth to say something, Sarada cut him off. "Would you like to go on a date with me?"

Boruto gasped as his breathing became rapid and shallow. He felt his pulse pounding in his temples.

"What?" He questioned.

"What?" Kurama repeated on his head.

At that point, no one could say which one were more stunned.

"I mean, you don't have to. I was just wondering. Actually, you know what? Forget it. You are probably busy anyway." Sarada babbled.

"JUST SAY YES, BAKA!" Kurama's voice were so loud that for one moment he actually believed the creature had materialized itself next to him.

"Yes, let's do it." Boruto shot her a weak grin in response. He had to dry the palm of his hands on his shorts, and started to walk the streets along her side.

Boruto's known Sarada for an incredibly long time. Which means Sarada had seen all his best and worst moments, seen him at his mission smile best and his dumb genius worst. She knew everything about him.

Which, truth be told, was kind of had Boruto worried.

A small part of him was glad, though. It was literally a out-of-nowhere date. If it was something more fancy, he probably would lose his shit over where take her or even what he would wear. He would change his outfit at least three times and would ended up going with the one he hated the most.

Technically, it was a first date, but when you had known the person entire your whole life, it was hard to call it one. Years into their partnership, they'd had hundreds of meals together, been to dozens upon dozens restaurants, but incredibly, they had never been to the dango store little building they stopped in front of. Exchanging a quick glance and a nod, both of them rushed to find a good table inside. They picked one on the second floor, it had a good view from Konoha and Sarada did seem to enjoy it.

"Here, let me." Boruto spoke quietly as he rushed to pull out Sarada's chair. To anyone else, it would seem insignificant or something to overlook, but to Sarada it was really meaningful. Such a simple and kind gesture that showed her that he was really trying. It was a new side of Boruto and one she had just discovered she was a big fond of.

"Tell her she looks nice." Kurama's voice made Boruto jump, he had completely forgotten about the Kyuubi inside his head.

"I won't do such thing, it is too cheesy." Boruto answered, but Kurama knew that the boy was way too shy to verbalize the words for his teammate.

"Fine. Don't come back crying when a charming guy comes up and steals her heart. I have seen this happening before, baka. Guess who didn't get the girl."

"Shut up!" Boruto replied, but not in his head. Sarada's eyes widened, confused and hurt. "Sorry! It wasn't for you, clearly, since you were quiet. It is just the whole situation is so new, dattebasa. My thoughts are running wild in my head and I feel like I can't follow them because I am too occupied admiring your face."

Sarada's face fluttered and Boruto could literally feel Kurama's smile on his mind. "Smooth. Maybe there's hope for you, after all, but I still can understand how many ways you can find to make yourself a fool in front of her."

"I know the feeling." The girl replied with a smile, that made Boruto's heart melt.

Then, there was a moment Boruto decided to take a sip of his water's glass, but the boy knocked it over. He tried to catch it, moving too fast and the over-filled glass went toppling. Sarada jumped when some landed on her and Boruto felt like mud on a shoe. Their waiter cleaned it up, efficient rags moving across the table as she smiled gently and ignored Boruto's hurried, choppy apologies.

"I feel so bad that you handed down your dad's clumsiness." Kurama teased, which only made Boruto more nervous.

"Boruto, what's going on?" Sarada questioned the guy in front of her.

"What are you talking about?" He hedged, staring at his fingers. It couldn't be over already. It was just not possible that he literally made Sarada rethink her idea of dating him. Or worse, maybe she noticed there was someone inside his brain and now she thinks he is completely crazy.

"You are knocking things over, and incredibly that it is, that's not like you. It appears you just forgot how to talk to me. C'mon, baka. It's me. You have known me forever." Sarada said, her eyes filled with tenderness.

"I just.. I don't want to mess this up." He admitted. "But I did, didn't I? Typical. Sorry, Sarada. You deserved better."

"If I do, I don't actually want it. I am fine having you, instead. Even though, I don't know if there's anyone better than you." She smiled, making his whole body relax. "Nothing has changed, okay? We talk like always. We eat at the same restaurants as always. I am just... going to hold your hand across the table if that's okay, and steal your food." Sarada rested her own hand on the table, shy and unassuming.

"What? Steal my food? No way, I don't think we are going to work out." Boruto reached it before she could move, squeezing it, not letting it go for a second.

Boruto tried to keep his biting tongue to himself - knowing that it bothers most people - but he couldn't help but tease Sarada in the only way he knew how. Insults.

When Sarada threw her head back, laughing in a way that Boruto had only ever seen children or those with a carefree souls do, he couldn't help but marvel at the sound. Usually, she would shot a smart comeback at his direction, filled with malicious, but today any attempt just made her find him funny, as she noticed he was clearly nervous by being alone with her.

Conversation flowed easily and that alone had Boruto flustered. If things were easy now, did that just mean it would get complicated that much quicker? It took him a moment to realize that he was already figuring in future outings with Sarada.

They shared stories and softer times of their childhood, the memories they didn't mind speaking of. There was a moment when Boruto noticed that she was more reserved than expected, but Boruto knew why. The times her father spent distant from his own family was painful to her, even now.

"That Uchiha bastard."

"Don't do that, 'ttebasa! I forgot you were there for a moment. Stop popping out of nowhere!" Boruto pointed out to the fox inside his head, but Kurama just laughed.

"The girl can look like her father, but her personality is purely her mother. Who would thought that those two would make a good combination?" Kurama stated and Boruto didn't know if it was talking with itself or him.

"Oi, what about my mom and dad?" Boruto said, as he watched Sarada eat.

"Hima-chan is a blessing, you, on the other paw... Not so sure about it. But I did expect the big idiot's son to be a little idiot, so nothing's new, really. Hinata and Naruto are a dangerous combination, but it seems to fit." Kurama disclosed, as Boruto frowned.

"What?" Sarada asked him, bringing him back to reality. "Is there something on my face?"

"Except for beauty? No, don't worry." Boruto smiled, making her blush once again.

Suddenly, the fox is laughing so hard that Boruto had to bit his lip not to do it too. It was a good and vibrant sound. "I must say, you did impress me today. I will leave you alone now to keep with your date. I have faith in you, Boruto. Don't fail."

"Wait, don't! What if I screw up?" Boruto pouted mentally.

"Then, fix it." Kurama retorted.

"Just stay, I bet there's nothing better for you to do anyway." Boruto teased.

"Your sister is up." The fox answered, and Boruto felt like punching it. "One more thing, Sarada is a keeper, just like her mother once was. If you ruin this, I will take over your father's body and kill you while you sleep."

Dead silence.

Kurama's giggle filled his mind, as the waves of laughter kept coming, as Boruto swallowed hard.

"I am joking."

Boruto wasn't so sure.

"See you, Boruto."

Boruto almost physically felt Kurama leaving his head, just like it was lighter. Somehow, it gave him more strength to keep going, and more than ever, Boruto wanted to everything to go well between Sarada and him.

"I am sorry, but your eyes are screaming second date to me. Is it right or suddenly I can't read them anymore?" Boruto blurted out, using all the charm he hoped he had.

It seemed to work once he saw how Sarada smiled back. At least he wasn't the only flustered one there. "Yeah, I think we can arrange that."

-

Naruto's office.

"So?"

"He is such a loser. Just like you."

Naruto rolled his eyes, as he signed the last piece of paper.

"Did he do it?"

"What? Are you doubting my work as a wingfox now?" Somewhere inside Naruto's body, he felt Kurama spitting on him. "It worked for you and Hinata, didn't it?"

"Thank you." Naruto rested his body on his chair, a smile playing on his lips.

"Don't thank me! It stills creep me out when you do it." Kurama hissed at the Hokage. "I was bored because you don't do anything interesting anymore. It was just to pass the time!"

"Hey! Why do have to get mad every single time I thank you, 'ttebayo?" Naruto barked, his brows furrowed.

Kurama's fist appeared on his mind, and Naruto contained a smile before bumping his fist on his partner. Sighing, he came back to work, as Kyuubi disappeared of his head, probably going to check on his kids. At that moment, Naruto never felt so thankful for having a bijuu that cared so much about his children, even though Kurama would never admit it.

[blackinnon-paradise]

Nothing To Lose - Chapter Two

A/N: Well, well, well... Look who’s here after 375 years. I must have no shame. All I can say is: I am so sorry for taking this long to write this chapter. Can you forgive me? Also... I hope you all enjoy this one, because I had so much fun writing it!! Which means... Angst ahead, proceed with caution! Anywaaay. Hope you all enjoy it and please, please, please, tell me what you think. I’m dying to know your thoughts on this chapter. Love you all!!

Marlene heard soft snores coming from the living room the moment she walked in the apartment. She had had a very long day, her feet were killing her, it was extremely hot and, to top it off, she had a migraine. All that contributed to the evident roll of eyes she gave when she saw Sirius fast asleep on the couch, his left arm draped over his eyes while his right one hanged midair.

Seeing him there, so careless and peaceful made something churn inside of her; it wasn't because she thought he was being too lazy when she was out there working. They had compromised that he was going to stay home for as long as he wanted, but he was going to have responsibilities as well. She knew he was doing pretty much all he could, but Sirius had never been exactly good at tasks that involved cleaning and cooking. There were days he would forget to the simplest thing, like sweeping the floor or taking out the trash. It wasn't anything that big, but it, eventually, caused some havoc around the house.

That was why Marlene, despite her pounding head, decided to slam the door closed, the wood hitting the frame forcefully as its hinges shook precariously, doing their best to hold the door in place.  

Sirius awoke with a jolt, his heart rocketing inside of him as his hand curled into nothing, his body jumping out of the couch as he took a dueling stance, completely unarmed and looking like he couldn’t see anything in front of him.

“Good to know that you’re completely ready to fight if it was needed, Black,” the snarky comment was, indeed, made to make him feel worse and understand that he was being careless. They were living different times now; The war was getting fiercer and they weren’t just school teenagers anymore.

Sirius looked around, trying to understand what was happening in his living room, his eyes trying to focus on the girl in front of him as he did his best to push away the clouded vision he had forced upon himself as he jumped out of the couch. He didn’t understand at least half of her words and the fact that she had said them ironically went way over his head.

“What?” he mumbled, still confused and dazed.

“Your wand,” Marlene rolled her eyes dropping everything she was carrying on the ground. She didn’t have time to think about it now. “Where is it?” she questioned.

The man scoffed. Of course his wand was where it was supposed to be. In his right hand as he stood there, ready to battle whoever had the audacity of breaking into their home and as he pointed that out, she took a long hard look at him and shook her head. For someone who managed to harbor a werewolf best friend and become an illegal Animagus, Sirius sure was dumb when he didn’t put his mind into it.

And then, with a flick of her own wand, the piece of wood that surely belonged to the Black man made its way to her hand, a snug look on her face as she hit the object on his chest, waiting for him to grab it before she walked away, her head throbbing once more.

Finally snapping out of his sleepy state, Sirius looked down to see his wand in his hands, remembering he had put it aside before washing the dishes and scolded himself. Marlene was right, he was a bit untrustworthy when it came to leaving things around. If it hadn’t been her there, who knew what could have happened to him.

Slowly, he made his way towards her, his steps softer than they were as he sensed something was going on. Usually, she arrived home in a good mood. Tired, pissed off and wanting to forget about everything, yes, but never in a bad humor and walking away from him without at least saying a hi and clearly not after having waking him up like that.

He found her in their room, her back turned to him as she got rid of all the clothes she was wearing that day, her lacy underwear presenting itself to him, the image making him chuckle slightly; it was amusing how she decided to wear the most set of sexy lingerie while wearing her most decent clothes. It had been a few years since he discovered that every piece of underwear that she owned was along that line of work. She had gone on and on about how she did that for herself and not for others and how confident those made her feel and he clearly couldn’t contradict her. She was the most confident woman he had ever met and that was one of the reasons that made him fall for her so desperately.

Sirius watched as Marlene stretched her back, her lean, long legs straining as she did so. It was a ritual she always did when she got home, as if being sat all day made all her muscles sore and tense. She stood on the tip of her toes, her arms reaching up as her fingers intertwined themselves, cracking a bit at the pressure applied by the blonde. Her whole body shook as she went back to her natural position, her head shaking from one side to the other, her eyes closed while Sirius watched to all of that transfixed. She made the most innocent things capture his attention, as if his brain could only pay attention to her.

“What now, Black?” she hissed, her frame still facing away from him as she, slowly, made her way to the bed, ready to call it a day and wait for the next morning and the chaotic day that was ahead of her.

He crossed his arms and kept staring at her, his eyes constantly following her movements as she unmade the bed and lied under the covers, her hair splaying over the pillow as she reached for the lamp by her bedside table.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” he asked, his footsteps finally making his way into the room.

The roll of her eyes didn’t go amiss to him. He was sure she had had an awful day and he was going to let her have her well deserved rest, but he needed to make sure she knew what she was going to miss just in case. He didn’t want her to be mad at him for not remembering her of their meeting that night.

“I’m not in the mood today,” she huffed, understanding his question completely wrong. “I had a busy day, I have a migraine right now and all I want to do is sleep in the complete darkness, ok?”

“Ok,” he smiled, his body already beside hers in the bed. She hadn’t even felt when he sat down, too absorbed in her own pain. “But I meant the Order meeting,” he concluded.

Marlene looked at him confused for a few seconds before it dawned on her: it was already the day of their next meeting and she had totally forgotten about it. Somewhere along that horrible week, she had completely lost track of time and failed to realize that it was already almost the weekend.

Groaning at the hammering pain in her head as she threw the covers aside, the blonde girl sat up, her feet hanging from the side of the bed, her eyes lost in the void in front of her as she contemplated her options. She could pretend she didn’t know about it or she could suck up and attend the meeting, hearing Dumbledore go on and on about pointless missions while her head screamed at her. But before she could take a decision, however, Sirius was already over her, slightly pushing her back down in bed, his touch soft and careful, doing his best to make her comfortable.

“You should rest,” he said with a stern look. “I can see you’re nowhere near able to attend this meeting, so you should just stay, ok?”

She wanted to protest, say that he was out of his mind and that it was her responsibility to be there despite anything, but the pointed look he gave her shut her up. She knew he was right and she was in no condition of making it out of the house without wanting to kill anyone. She could barely hear her own voice without wanting to die. Instead, she nodded and snuggled into the pillows feeling Sirius tuck her in and kiss her forehead fondly, a small smile on his lips as he did so.

“I’m gonna get you a potion to your migraine,” he winked, chuckling at the fact that he had nailed what she needed without her saying anything. “And then you’ll sleep and I’m gonna go, ok?”

Sirius watched as Marlene nodded, hissing afterwards at her poor decision, probably hating herself for doing such action as the pain irradiated in her skull as he walked away from their room, slowly closing the door after himself smiling at the almost sleeping girl.

She was learning the hard way how it was to be a grown up and, whenever he could, he would try to ease things up for her.

The meeting didn’t have anything different from the other times, except that Dumbledore shared two pieces of information with them regarding the next meeting: there were two possible sites the Death Eaters would be meeting at, but only one of them was the true location. He didn’t know which one and the only way of knowing, for sure, was sending two people there to keep an eye on the activities to make sure nothing was happening.

Naturally, this put everyone on the edge of their sits, wondering who would be going and what they would be doing. Dumbledore took a deep breath before announcing the names for the two missions, each one of them happening in a day along that same week.

“I know I’m asking too much of you with this, but I’m confident that we’ve got the best witches and wizards here, sitting in this room, and I’m 100% sure nothing could go wrong if you trust each other and do not act recklessly,” he added, a small look towards Sirius. It wasn’t a secret to anyone the young Black was a rebel, even when it came to fighting the resistance. “So, for the first night, I’m pairing Lily with Sirius.”

James was the first one to let out a complaint, but was immediately shut by the ginger, who turned to him with a smile on her face as she held his hand, calming him down.

“And for the second one, it’s James and Marlene,” Dumbledore completed. “I’m well aware of how good the four of you work together and how much you’re used to the ones I paired you with, trusting them completely and that’s why I did it.” A new silence loomed over the room, all eyes still looking at Dumbledore, waiting for him to give the final recommendations. “Lily and Sirius, your mission is this night. As soon as you leave, you’re to go to the location I determined you to and keep an eye out for anything. You find a hidden place and stay there. Do not leave it under any circumstance, ok?”

The both of them nodded, their eyes meeting briefly before sighing deeply; they knew they were going to have a long night…

… But maybe they didn’t know it was going to be that long.

Sirius looked around the empty street, no sign of movements in either side of it, the scarce light coming from the nearby street lamp was barely enough to see ten meters ahead of them. There were no clouds in the sky that night, but there was no moon also, something both of them enjoyed. It meant there wouldn’t have the threat of the werewolves upon them.

More than half of the night had been spent sitting on the sideways, eyes dancing around the whole extension of the place that was supposed to be swarming with Death Eaters, but nothing but the silence and the void had found them. It didn’t mean Sirius and Lily were any less reckless. They still kept extra watch to everything, their ears perked up at the slight change in the sound of the wind, their wands ready to fight if they had to, their muscles tense as they waited for anything to happen.

Lily was the first one to break the silence that night. She had been staring at a fixed point for far too long, her eyes not focusing anymore, something that seemed pretty risky when you’re on a mission for the Order of the Phoenix. She knew what she was signing up for when she accepted entering the group, she knew there were going to be long nights of being awake and staring at the nothingness, she knew there were nights that she was going to be running for her life and nights she would be fighting for it, but she didn’t regret it. Looking back, she knew she had made the right choice, the choice to fight for a better future for her, her friends and her future family. And there was no going back now.

“It’s been strangely calm,” she mumbled, her hands tangling before she cracked her fingers with ease, her back following right after. She had been standing in the same position for far too long and her muscles were completely sore.

“I know,” Sirius sighed, his eyes still trained on his side of the street, his breath no more than a hushed sound in the middle of the night. “That’s what worries me.”

Lily looked at the man beside her for the first time that night, watching as his eyes danced around the darkness in front of him and she wondered if he could see anything better than her due to his Animagus self. She didn’t know how it worked exactly, she didn’t know if he was supposed to inherit any trace of the animal he became, but it seemed like his senses were far better than hers.

The wind shifted, blowing against Sirius’ face as he continued to stare straight ahead, not a change in his behavior as he watched whatever it was that kept his attention. Lily thought, with a small smile, how much they both had changed over the course of a few months. Not long ago, they were just teenagers running around Hogwarts and, in Sirius’ case, causing havoc and earning detentions left and right. The carefree expression on his face was still there, though far more hidden in the times he needed. It was fascinating seeing him going from the charming, joking young man she knew to this serious, hard-work man, that held a look like he had seen far too much in this world. And maybe he had, she thought with a grimace. He had seen a lot more than any of them, having lived with his family for longer than she had wanted him to. The lines in his expression showed exactly what kind of horrors he had seen, had endured and tried to fight, she just wished it hadn’t taken a lot from him.

“Why?” she forced herself to say, her hands now running up and down her arms in a feeble attempt of keeping the cold away.

“It means nothing’s going to happen today,” he shook his head, his eyes finally landing on his friend. “And that something might happen when it’s James and Marls’ day to keep watch.”

The shadow that took over his eyes made Lily’s breath hitch. She hadn’t thought about it and from the way he had said it, she was sure something was going to happen. Dumbledore always had the best informations, something always happened in one of the days he set the missions, they only had been lucky enough to be set on days that nothing happened.

With a tight knot in her throat, Lily sighed deeply, her eyes closing for a brief second before she returned her gaze to her side of the street.

“Maybe I should come in James’ place,” she mentioned without a thought, her voice nothing but a whisper, causing Sirius to actually doubt she had said anything at all, but the worry printed in her eyes made him halt his actions and turn to her like what she had said was completely crazy. “What?”

“You know he’s not going to allow it, right?”

“He’s really worried about everything, Sirius,” Lily admitted, her shoulders dropping for the first time since he had seen her that night. “He’s worried about something happening to me, because of my blood status, he’s worried about his parents, he’s worried about you, Remus, Peter, Marlene and Dorcas, he’s worried we’re never actually going to find anything out, he’s worried Voldemort will only keep getting stronger,” she let out in one breath, her eyes pleading with him. “He’s just so worried about everything, so overwhelmed with everything and I don’t think sending him in a mission where something is supposed to happen is the best thing right now.”

Sirius looked at the ginger by his side, the way her chest heaved in anticipation, the way her hands were running through her hair as she tried to control the trembling that had washed over her body and, mostly important, he saw the look of pure despair she held in her eyes, like she was on the point of losing everything.

“Hey,” Sirius said in a gentle tone, his hands carefully reaching for her arms, trying to convey as much comfort in the touch as he could. “Hey, Lily, look at me,” he begged, his breath calm and paced, showing her how he was sure everything was going to be ok, even though he felt like being sick on the inside. “I know it’s been hard on us, on James especially with everything that’s happening with his parents. I don’t want anything to happen to them either. Fuck,” he breathed out. “They’re like my parents and Merlin knows how much I want them to make it through this life. But maybe you’re looking at it with a very pessimistic eye. We don’t know if anything’s going to happen in the next mission. For all we know, something might happen in the next few minutes and we won’t have to worry about James and Marlene having to show up next time.” He took her hands in his, holding them tightly. “Trust me, if anything, they’re going to have as much as an easy time as we did so far, ok?”

It’s always better said than done. As predicted, nothing happened to Sirius and Lily, nothing happened around them, no one showed up and no information was taken from that, which only meant that James and Marlene were supposed to take the post two days later.

From the very beginning, nothing went right: the crackle of Death Eaters Apparating and Disapparating forced the both of them to stay hidden, away from everything, making it almost impossible to hear anything of what they were saying. They could see all of them walking in and out of the farthest house in the street, a black wooden door with golden knobs marking their meeting point.

It was very nerve-wracking, to say the least, see all this movement and not be able to do anything. They had to see if there was any point they could get in to see what was happening, they had to get closer to hear anything they were saying, but they couldn’t. The amount of masked wizards made it impossible to move without being seen and Marlene was hating every single moment of it.

She hated being so close to them and yet so far with nothing to do but stare at them and wonder what they were talking about, what they were planning. She hated being useless and, mostly important, she hated said masked people and what they were doing to everyone who thought differently from them.

“We gotta do something,” she whispered-yelled at James, her blood pumping in adrenaline, her leg bumping up and down, trying to get rid off of it somehow.

“We can’t,” he countered back, his right hand grasping the wand tightly, his left hand ready to grab Marlene in case she decided to act stupidly and run to the encounter of the Death Eaters.

“We can’t just stay here, James,” she shook her head. “What if they’re sharing a really important information? We’re going to lose it because we were too scared to move.”

“They won’t be doing it in the middle of the street, Marls,” he tried to reason with her. “That would be really stupid and for as much as I’d like to think that they’re all idiots, they’re not. They’re extremely clever wizards, ok? They would not do something reckless and so shouldn’t we. Remember what Dumbledore said: do not act in the spur of the moment.”

But Marlene McKinnon was never one to follow orders. She would listen to them, acknowledge them, but she wouldn’t comply. She had lived in a house full of rules and had been told what to do, what to wear and how to act. Once she had grown up, she had decided that no one else was going to tell her how to live her life and if it meant risking it in order of the greater good, she would do it.

However, Marlene knew she couldn’t make James follow her and she knew he was only trying to make both of them safe and go back home unharmed, but she couldn’t keep glued to the ground as he was, she just had to wait for the right moment to act.

It happened a few minutes after their conversation, when what seemed like the last Death Eater finally left the house they had been in, the masked face not looking around before setting their feet in the pavement, completely unaware to the meticulous looks from James and Marlene not far from them.

In a blink of an eye, before James could do anything to stop it, Marlene was already out of her hiding spot, her feet hitting the pavement soundlessly as she followed the masked man walking ahead, her wand at ready and held tightly in her hands, her eyes never looking back as she expected her friend to scold her and tell her to get back, but she wouldn’t and if James knew her as much as she knew him, he knew it as well.

The walk didn’t last much, she thought stopping after turning the corner of the street a couple hundred meters away from James, the Death Eater taking a left and walking right into an alleyway before disappearing into the darkness.

She pondered if she should follow him, her heart hammering against her ribcage as she took a few tentative steps towards the opening the man disappeared into. She was alone and probably would be for the rest of the night. James wouldn’t see where she walked into and would roam around trying to find her, but it was a risk she was willing to take at the moment.

With a sigh, she started moving again, her ears paying attention to every little sound that surrounded her, her eyes scanning the new street carefully before she turned left and entered the dark alleyway, her eyes taking a moment to adjust to the knew lighting.

But it was already too late, she thought with a heavy heart. She had walked right into the lions’ den - or snakes’, she cringed bitterly. Standing there, right in front of her, were three masked people, their faces all turned to her as she felt her eyes widen in horror. A few more steps were heard from behind her and, for a single moment, she thought it could be James running to her, but that would be just too perfect: three more Death Eaters showed up behind her, their wands excitingly pointed at her back, a wicked smile hidden behind their masks.

She only had time to raise her wand and cast a protective spell before jets of light hit her.

Sirius couldn’t shut his eyes for a moment that night, his mind too preoccupied with thoughts of something happening to either Marlene or James. He couldn’t bear the possibility of not having any of them in his life, both of them being too important. James was like his brother, the one who held him together when he felt like falling apart. Marlene was… Marlene was the only one who totally understand him, the only one who could make his life turn upside down, the only one who could make him settle down. He loved her with all his heart, mind, body and soul and there wasn’t a single moment when he wasn’t worried about her.

So, to have her gone for so long was affecting him in ways that he never knew possible. He had long forgotten the comfort of his bed, the space seeming too wide without his girlfriend sharing it with him, and the tiles between the living room and the kitchen were probably worn out from the continuous walking around he was doing, his hair messy and greasy from running his hands through it.

It was almost 5 am when he heard a crackle from the living room, his feet hitting the floor rather forcefully, not caring if the downstairs neighbor was going to send him a noise complaint for it, leading his troubled mind to the center of what was happening in his own apartment.

Sirius felt like his heart had dropped out of his chest, his body turned icy cold and his legs almost couldn’t hold his weight anymore. His eyes were widened in shock, his breath caught in the back of his throat and all his movements had stopped. James was standing there, unharmed, his wand in his pocket as he held onto a very unconscious Marlene McKinnon, her blonde hair splayed behind her as her body hung limply in the young Potter’s arm.

It felt like years before Sirius could move again, his trembling hands reaching out for the girl in his best friend’s arms fearfully. He needed to know what had happened to her, but he was too scared to ask, too scared to know the truth.

“She’s alive,” James said with a heavy sigh, taking a few steps towards the couch and setting the girl down gently before turning to his alarmed friend. “She followed a Death Eater and ended up in a trap. I tried to get to her before she could be hit by anything, but it was too late.” he shook his head, his right hand grasping Sirius’ shoulder. “She put up a fight and managed to escape, but not unharmed. I found her nearly conscious and brought her straight here. She’s gonna live, Pads, don’t worry.”

But worry was something Sirius was already doing. He shouldn’t have let her go, he should’ve asked her to stay so he could go in her place, he should’ve known she was going to pull something like that, he should’ve known she was going to get hurt, he should’ve followed her, he should’ve been there for her. His mind was racing with thoughts of ‘what ifs’, making him dizzy and nauseous. He couldn’t believe his girlfriend had been attacked and he wasn’t there to protect her.

As he walked over to the girl, Sirius couldn’t stop staring at her face, a few deep cuts and blood staining her beautiful face and a few more down her body. It had been his fault.

“Don’t blame yourself, Pads,” James said from behind him, knowing exactly what his friend was thinking. “If you have to blame anyone, blame them. It’s their fault this war is happening.”

Sirius let out a struggled breath, a few tears fighting to escape his eyes, but he choked it down. It wasn’t the place nor the time. He had to be strong and take care of Marlene, so he just shook his head and nodded at James, a small, pained smile reaching his features.

“Thanks, Prongs,” he said truthfully. “Thank you for bring her back home.”

That night, Sirius learned that the war was more real than he first thought. He learned that everything could happen in a blink of an eye. That night, as he stayed up watching over his girlfriend, he couldn’t take her eyes off of her for a second, he couldn’t keep himself from touching her gently so she couldn’t feel any pain. That night, he promised himself there was nothing he wouldn’t do to protect her. That night, he promised he would never let anything happen to her. Ever again.

NTL Tag: @disbestiles, @siriuslovesmarlene

[maniacal-soul]

*Two people can be seen standing near each other on a train platform.*

Person A: Hey.

Person B: Hey.

Person A: How do you love?

Person B: Pardon?

Person A: How do you love?

Person B: How do you mean?

Person A: I mean exactly as I have said. How do you love?

Person B: Then, I must ask — How does anyone love at all?

Person A: How do you mean?

Person B: I mean exactly as I have said, just like how you meant exactly as you have said. Can you not answer that question?

Person A: I cannot.

Person B: And why is that?

Person A: How anyone loves at all assumes that everyone has, or has had, the capacity to love.

Person B: And is that not the case, as humans?

Person A: It is not.

Person B: Then, are you implying that some humans don't have the capacity to love at all?

Person A: Correct.

Person B: That is nonsense. Every human loves to some degree. Even if it means a love for hate.

Person A: Then, how do you suppose they love, even if it is only to some degree?

Person B: I assume you are referring to how the brain increases certain chemicals to produce the feelings of love?

Person A: No.

Person B: Then I must admit, I am lost upon your question.

Person A: You are only as lost as you allow yourself to be. You have already found the answer, but you do not recognize it as such.

Person B: What answer?!

Person A: It is the one without an answer.

Person B: ...

Person A: ...

Person B: Being lost is the answer without an answer?

Person A: It is a variation of it, but yes.

Person B: But, I am only lost because I don't know what the answer could possibly be!

Person A: It is not that you are lost, but because you perceive yourself to be lost.

Person B: How can that be so?

Person A: Well, I said that you had found the answer, so you aren't lost. That is a fact. The state you think you are in is only a part of your thoughts. If your thoughts contradict facts, then perhaps there are areas in your thoughts that need to be revisited in order to arrive at the answer again?

Person B: I understand that you are telling me I am not lost, but I struggle to understand how, despite your hints. I had merely asked, "how does anyone love at all?" and you told me there are people that do not have the capacity to love. And I challenged that thought by saying we all do.

Person A: Yet, you have not realized why you are not lost. Fine, I will tell you.

Person B: Tell me.

Person A: You were lost because the answer that it is, is not the answer that you were seeking. The reason you could not find an answer at all is because there is not a single answer for how anyone loves. No one loves in the same way. It is impossible.

Person B: How can that be? Surely, we all know that hugs and kisses and saying "I love you" are some of the most basic ways that people demonstrate their love to another.

Person A: Yet, a person proclaims they love writing or playing games just the same. Then, do they hug and kiss such things?

Person B: That is different. Those are material things. Not humans.

Person A: It is love nonetheless. Whether they are platonic or romantic relationships with a person, or towards objects and ideas. How one loves at all can appear in infinite forms. Do you remember a time when your parents or caretaker were being tough on you?

Person B: Yes...

Person A: Surely you understand it was out of love.

Person B: Generally speaking, yes...

Person A: Then, you can see how one loves can be expressed in ways that seem to contradict the general definitions of love, correct?

Person B: I suppose so.

Person A: Then have we come to a common understanding?

Person B: Not quite. You stated that there were those that did not have the capacity to love at all. What about those individuals?

Person A: Ah, that is a simple answer!

Person B: And what is that simple answer?

Person A: ... They are dead. Whether physically, psychologically, or emotionally!

Person B: I understand being physically dead, but the other two are quite an exaggeration! They are metaphors and hyperboles at best, are they not?

Person A: Only if you have entered such a sorrowful state, will you be able to answer that for yourself.

Person B: ...

*Train approaches the station*

Person A: In any case, you have answered my questions and I have answered yours. Your train has arrived. You must go.

Person B: You are boarding this train, are you not?

Person A: No.

Person B: Then, may I ask why you are standing here?

Person A: I suppose it is out of habit.

Person B: I don't follow.

Person A: It is a place where I lost my capacity to love.

Person B: Did something happen?

*The train door opens*

Person A: You must go.

Person B: I feel like I just know why before I can board this train. Please, tell me?

Person A: ...

*Train signals, and train doors begin to close*

Person B: Please!?

*Person B steps into the train, as the train doors close*

*Person A speaks to Person B from behind the train doors*

Person A: ... My wife was killed by a train at this very station. And I live this memory as part of my reality. I cannot love anymore.

*Train begins to move*

*Person B yells to Person A from the other side of the train door, but the train is quickly moving*

Person B: I am sorry for everything...!

*Person A watches the train as it quickly leaves the station, until silence fills the air once again.*

*Slowly, unknown footsteps become increasingly louder.*

*Another person (Person C) walks onto the station platform and stands beside Person A, waiting for the next train*

Person A: Hey.

Person C: Hey.

Person A: How do you love?

[plumbobpost]

Fan(fic) Friday: Spotlight on Peni Griffin

Sul sul!

Today, I have a special treat for you guys. I had the chance to ask the very delightful @penig a few questions about Widespot and The Sims in general. For those of you who aren’t familiar with her work, she has created two widely popular hoods for The Sims 2: Land Grant University and the aforementioned Widespot. It’s longer than usual, and Peni expressed the concern that it would needed to be edited down, but in all honesty, her responses were such a wealth of information, deleting any of it seemed wrong.

I’ll stop teasing you, and let Peni speak for herself:

What inspired you to create Widespot?

“I’m always in story creation mode. This has been a large part of the appeal of The Sims 2 for me, as it allows me to tell a particular kind of story that I will never, ever be able to write for publication,  and have always wanted to: the story of a community in which we see every character as the hero of her own story, and how all the stories intertwine (often without the protagonists recognizing it) and affect each other as they all go about their business.” 

“At the time I started Widespot, I was in a situation in which my normal professional outlets were not available to me. You will excuse me from going into detail on the subject, which can be summed up as Health Crap. For our purposes, the important thing was that I needed a project, I couldn’t work on a book, I had been thinking for some time about the potential of my favorite game as a storytelling medium, and enough discussion of the matter had been generated over at MTS that I found/was directed to the late lamented Mootilda’s thread on creating a clean, safe, populated neighborhood for sharing.  ( http://modthesims.info/t/455403)”

“I actually went into some detail about the process on my writing blog at the time.”

( https://penigriffin.blogspot.com/2013/02/so-you-want-to-share.html )

Did you take inspiration from the Maxis neighborhoods?

“To a certain extent, yes. I decided that what I wanted to create was a neighborhood that would feel and play as if it had shipped with the game, but with less mess. No dead people without full character data, no memories that outright contradict each other, no hints in the bios that can’t be fully explored in the game.”

In your neighborhood, you included different story elements for each family that interconnect. What is your process in developing this story?

“Somewhere around here, I have the notebook in which I first started working it out, but I’d have to dig to find it. I remember starting with the admonition to myself to keep it simple, as your first attempt at publishing in a medium should be simple - you have enough to do mastering the new medium without trying to make something complicated with it. I knew my genre was soap opera, and though I’ve never been much of a soap watcher, my mother and husband are, so that set my parameters. I listed the tools at my disposal - the five base game aspirations, the jealousy mechanics, and the generational play. The question I asked myself at the start of the process was: “How do I create the most Drama for the least amount of effort?”

“Probably the notion of having five aspiration-themed households came almost at once, possibly as I started making name lists. I wanted to give elders a big role, because I had noticed that a lot of people thought elders were “boring,” and I knew they were wrong! I’ve always felt that Maxis missed a big trick by not having a Scheming Matriarch in Pleasantview. I wanted to shake up some stereotypes and have sims who didn’t obviously “belong” in their aspirations - shy Romance sims, outgoing Knowledge sims, lazy Fortune sims. I wanted all the households intimately connected to each other, which meant that for simplicity’s sake the story (story being defined as “person with a problem”) should center around one particular event that triggered events in all the households, a cascade of consequence. At which point I wrote down “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a fortune must be in want of a wife,” and decided that the wealthy Mann family coming to town with a highly marriageable son and a Dark Secret was a good place to start.”

“That turned out not to be the trigger, but you have to start somewhere.”

Aside from your official captions, how did you set out to convey plot to those who play Widespot?

“I tried to take pictures of enough key moments that the players could inspect the albums for clues. By playing out the development I had ensured that some important information already existed in the memories and relationship panels, but I also went in and inserted memories that seemed to me significant. I had specific meanings in mind when I gave Mary memories of potty-training her younger siblings that extend all the way back to teenhood and manipulated some of her relationship scores with the testing cheats, but I wanted the players to be free to interpret those memories and relationships according to their own ideas, so I tried to background my own opinions as much as possible.”

“The plot, after all, is the players’ job, not mine!”

As far as literal world building goes, how did you factor in your characters’ surroundings to both their plotlines and their characterization?

“The smallness of the town, necessitated by the decision to keep things as simple as possible, gave me the starting point and the town’s name - it’s just a wide spot in the road, hardly a town at all. Rural areas have a certain vibe; certain types of people grow up there, and certain kinds of people wind up there, so this was on my mind as I designed the characters, built their homes, and decided what order they should be created in CAS and moved in.  Each house has a history, not all of which is necessarily made explicit to the player, and some of which really, really made me long for something more than BG Maxis content! But I think most people get that the Land cabin was built piecemeal over time, that a lot of Skye’s house was DIY, that the Beech house is Daytona’s house and the rest of her family just lives there, etc. Skye only got educational toys for his kids, but the Lands have a teddy and a dollhouse as well. The Mann’s house is the only one with a fence, and Rich ensures his privacy with stained glass windows in certain rooms. He also has that ominous closet full of aspiration rewards. (I hate that I couldn’t get him a counterfeiting machine - he clearly needs one.)”

“Some details were dictated by the game mechanics. Penny needed a double bed to get pregnant in, but there’s no particular reason for one to exist on her lot; so the heck with it, everybody in that house gets a double bed and I don’t even try to explain it. The lowest-numbered playable in the hood is always the telescope slapper, so I had to create the Mann family first in order for the guy with the Dark Secret to be the one who was incensed at the possibility of being spied on. But who would beard Rich in his own den when he, Lana, or Junior used the telescope in the daytime? That would be the local cop, wouldn’t it? This is why the Land house (with the nubile Land daughters) is right behind the Mann house and the Mann telescope is pointed straight at it. I also used the house to train the Manns - especially Junior - into wanting to buy things by furnishing it minimally to start with, and then adding items as wants were rolled for expensive artwork, games, etc.”

“When I gave characters their starting skill points, I assigned them partly at random, partly according to the implied backstory and role, and partly according to what would be possible in the game. If logic or a random roll indicated that someone in a household had a skill, I made sure that suitable skilling items existed in that household. Woody has an easel because it’s a solitary tool for gaining creativity points; the other families have the more sociable piano.  Neither family is much concerned about the impression they make on the outside world, so they are not oversupplied with mirrors, unlike the other families, where Charisma matters.”

“This all works back and forth; the character or situation requires something in the setting, and then I realize that having this thing here means that I also need this and that means I should improve the relationship between these two characters, or whatever. My first and best playtester insisted to me that Goldie needed a teddy bear, and made a good case for it based on Goldie’s characterization, both in the bios and as played; and she was right, so I added it almost at the last minute. (Which is why, so often, the first thing Rhett does it pick it up and try to talk to someone through it.)”

“One thing that I was aware of during development, but am a little reluctant to discuss, is the possible implications for the setting of the racial makeup of the neighborhood. At the time I was born, in the state where I was born, the Land and Beech marriages would have been illegal; and I had that in mind when I mentioned familial disapproval in the Land bios. Some people pick that up and run with it, most people ignore it. Most people look at the Hart’s Spanish-style house and decide (despite the name) that the family has a Mediterranean or Mexican background, but others have decided that Valentine is black/white biracial and all the Spanish influence comes from Angel. I have no desire to dictate anybody’s interpretation or play style, but I do want to enable as many interpretations and play styles as possible, and this variety is an indication of success to me.”

In a lot of ways, fans have come to regard Widespot as highly as they regard the original three Maxis neighborhoods. Did you envision the neighborhood being this popular?

“I beat my “expectations” about the reception of any particular work to death years ago. While I was building Widespot, I told myself that if the only person who liked it was Aegagropilon (my first playtester), that would be good enough and anybody else’s approval would be gravy. Well, Aegagropilon loved it; and I’ve lapped up quite a bit of gravy since then. I don’t have much of a grasp of how popular it actually is, and that’s not the important thing. The important thing is that I know some people are playing it, and enjoying it, and using it in different ways. How many there are, and how it stacks up next to the many other (and in some cases far more sophisticated) fan made hoods out there, is out of my hands. I’m better off not dwelling on that.”

How did Widespot evolve after you started? Were there any massive deviations from your original plan?

“Development was an alternating process of playing (including building, character design, and actual play) and working things out on paper in illegible notes, which is always how I work. I haven’t properly thought anything till I’ve written it down, but I’m a “pantser” rather than a “plotter” - i.e. I tend to fly by the seat of my pants when creating. Too much planning kills the story for me. So once all the preliminary work had been set up, and the broad strokes of the storyline determined, the rest was done directly in the game, with a little help from the testing cheats, Tombstone of Life and Death, and so on.”

“I knew I needed to wind up with a baby for every adult woman, but I didn’t always know who specifically would be the father of each baby until I saw how characters interacted. I knew one of the households would have a ghost, but for awhile I thought it might be Lana. I assumed Candy would have two lovers but I thought one of them would be Hamilton until she informed me otherwise. As mentioned earlier, I thought the Manns would be the central, triggering household rather than the Harts. I had no plans for the teens or children at all, and they took care of their own storylines”.

On a different note, what was your inspiration for the dynamic between the Harts and the rest of Widespot’s inhabitants? How did you develop the idea for these entanglements?

“As a family of Romance sims, their job was to wreak havoc. And boy, howdy, did they! But only after I realized Angel had to be the town ghost. The family ran much too smoothly when she was in charge - she and Valentine constantly smooching it up, Rhett being Mama’s boy, Candy being Goldie’s social support. Kill Angel, and everybody falls apart and starts making bad decisions. I designed Valentine as a Dirty Old Man; but he refused to be only that. I designed Rhett as a heartless jerk, and he can be that - but he’s also the only one of the immature Mama’s boys in the hood who has lost his Mama. I designed Candy as a golddigger, and yeah, she is - but she also made friends with Daytona and Goldie without any prompting from me, and she put herself in the middle of what turned out to be the hardest knot to untie in the whole hood, the Mann Triangle.”

“And Goldie - well, Goldie was a darling who autonomously put the rest of her family ahead of herself repeatedly, could never finish her homework, and never once brought anyone home from school or came home with anyone else.”

“TL;DR: I didn’t develop the Harts. They did.”

You’ve been very active on both Mod the Sims and Tumblr for a while now. How has The Sims community evolved since you first got involved? Why do you think there is still such a strong following of the series?

“It’s hard for me to speak to how it’s evolved, since I was never part of the Age of LJ and only started playing Sims 2 since after Sims 3 was already out. Also, having been on the fringes of a lot of subcultures in my life, I have become adept at keeping away from the stuff that stresses me out. So I’ve never hung out at SimSecret. I block tags on tumblr. I avoid anything smacking of edition wars, don’t allow anonymous communication, and back out of controversies as fast as I can - with an apology if necessary, because face it, everybody’s a jerk on the internet sometimes, and the most you can hope for is to not be one any more often than you can help.”

“So I have no idea how the Sims community as a whole is going on, and I only have a limited knowledge of the portion of the Sims 2 fandom that hangs around specifically at MTS and attracts my attention on Tumblr (often by tagging Widespot). Within this limited sphere, I have noticed a few changes. I used to see it assumed as common consensus that all Maxis premades were “ugly” and that “ugly” is a bad thing; moreover, that certain sims - Goopy Gilscarbo and Sandy Bruty in particular - are more “ugly” than most and are to be avoided at all costs. Now people are shipping Goopy and Sandy (that’s largely @holleyberry’s doing, I believe) and embracing the cartooniness of sims with enthusiasm.”

“On older websites I often see “realistic” (i.e., modeled on airbrushed photos in fashion magazines) sims that, as far as I can tell, are identical to each other and to the ones on the other old websites they link to. With current websites, however, I can not only tell the sims from each other, I can tell Person A’s versions of the premades from Person B’s at a glance. This is especially marked on tumblr, where I often know who originally posted the pics I’m looking at regardless of the attached avatar.”

“And there has been such a flowering of creativity in so many directions in the last eight years it’s overwhelming, though I don’t know how that compares to the days before I started participating. I like to think of Widespot as the vanguard of a Golden Age of hood-sharing. Nobody moans about the lack of clean fan made neighborhoods anymore; they’re agonizing over whether to play Europa or Widespot or Emerald Heights or Polgannon. And suddenly people are making new face sliders. Neighborhood deco lights up at night now. There’s mods for parking on the street, taking toddlers and pets on vacation, hunting, foraging, beekeeping, on and on and on.”

“I think the main difference between now and eight years ago is, that people were defensive about still playing Sims 2, and a general air of playing a “dying game” hung over us all. Now we are joyous and defiant and declaring that Our Game is the Best and Will Never Die.”

“Or maybe that’s just the people I self-select to see. How would I know?”

As a writer by trade, did you find many similarities between creating Widespot and writing a novel?

“My experience has always been that there’s an underlying unity among all kinds of creation, and in particular that storytelling is storytelling, whether it’s the language of text, sound, line and color, or whatever. My writing habits and skills translated seamlessly into the medium of the game. The chief difference, once you factor out technical matters, is that in most forms of storytelling, you need to provide a discrete unit of Story and give the reader the pleasures of closure and narrative structure, pruning out everything that disrupts that weakens the sense of completeness.”

“When making a sims neighborhood, though, you need to be as open-ended as possible, and you need to discern the optimum moment to turn the hood over to the player, while it’s still bristling with plot hooks and unresolved situations. You don’t need, as I did, to deliberately choose the moment at which a bunch of hard choices must be made immediately; but you need to put the player into a situation in which the choices he makes will matter and shape how the neighborhood develops from that point.”

You often play neighborhoods like Pleasantview and Strangetown. Do you prefer playing your own sims or those created by Maxis?

“That’s like asking if I prefer to read Diana Wynne Jones or Megan Whelan Turner. (And if you aren’t familiar with those authors, boy do you have some great reading ahead of you!) The answer is “both.” I enjoy playing characters I’m engaged with, regardless of who made them. Sometimes I wonder what’s going on with Vidcund and want to play Strangetown; sometimes I want to reconnect with the sims in Drama Acres, my personal custom neighborhood; sometimes I want to play with some of my own plot hooks from Widespot. It’s all good.”

If you had to pick between Widespot and Land Grant University, which would you choose?

“I’d attach LGU to Widespot and play them both. I don’t do either/or choices.”

(She just defeated the Kobayashi Maru.)

Do you intend on creating more neighborhoods?

“I actually have three on hand right now: a downtown called Bigg City (an empty version of which is available on SFS  http://simfileshare.net/download/207580/ ); a Seasons/Pets neighborhood I call Knotthole County; and an AL neighborhood called Port Cochere. The populated Bigg City got real complicated, real fast and when Health Crap is in a certain state I can’t work on it. Knotthole County is almost completely built but got interrupted while I was designing the characters; and Port Cochere is an SC4 map and a bunch of illegible notes. And at the moment I can’t work on any of them because I need two disk drives in order to use AGS, and one of them has gone wonky. However, I should be able to replace that soon, and then - well, maybe I’ll finally get that last week of work done on Bigg City. Or maybe I’ll decide (again) that if I’m organized enough to work on that, I should seize the moment and get queries out instead.”

Your content is themed around The Sims 2; have you played other titles in the series?, If so, which installment in The Sims is your favorite to play? For storytelling? For building? For creating sims?

“I’m a late adopter by nature. I started with the original The Sims and played it till I felt I didn’t have anything more to discover in it, at which time I started looking into the Sims 2, assuming that I’d eventually plumb its depths, too, and move on to Sims 3 about the time Sims 4 came along. Then I discovered that Sims 2’s depths are unplumbable, and that it was the perfect vehicle for that all-community storytelling I’d always longed to do.”

“The more I learn about the later iterations, the more certain I am that I will never play them. I’m sure they’re fun in their own ways, and I certainly don’t look down on anyone who chooses to play them; but I don’t like the way they look, I don’t like the lack of a storytelling tool, and most of all, the mechanics and structure of the game don’t enable my style of neighborhood play. The Sims series consists of four distinct games with four distinct sets of strengths and weaknesses; and the first two are the only ones I feel any call to play.”

Lastly, why do you still continue to play The Sims? Do you feel that the games provide a positive creative outlet?

“It still gives me pleasure. And I still have Health Crap and need projects, and have a computer that will play it. The Sims 2 is as much a part of my life as reading and playing tabletop RPGs and board games with my friends. So why would I stop?”

“The game is a positive creative outlet - it has nothing to do with my feelings on the subject. One of the most rewarding things about having made Widespot and LGU is seeing people use them as springboards for developing and experimenting with their own creative capacities. Also, a lot of simmers are deliberately using the game to control or relieve some condition or other. Depression, OCD, chronic pain from which they need distraction - I’m not the only one with Health Crap, and I am honored whenever anyone uses something I made to  deal with theirs.”

“They could have done these things without me, of course - but they didn’t. They used something I made for their own benefit, and I can feel good about that.”

Any parting comments, teasers, spoilers, public service announcements, etc.?

“One of the core concepts by which I live my life is that creativity is the quality that defines humanity best, and that it is the birthright of every single one of us. But we’ve been educated to think that it’s something special and separate, accessible only to certain special “talented” people; and brainwashed to think that personal creativity that can’t be monetized is a trivial use of time. On the contrary, creativity is to a large extent what time is for. Whether it’s a book, or a game, or a prom dress, the process of making is fulfilling and enriching, and sharing what we make is nourishing to us and to those we share with. So whatever your medium is, whatever resources are available to you, whatever ideas are quickening in your brain and hands - go for it.”

“It is not a silly waste of time.”

To those of you who haven’t played Widespot, go check it out; you won’t regret it. Thanks again to Peni Griffin for allowing me to pick her brain, and I hope you all enjoyed reading it. I certainly found a new favorite word in “pantser.”

If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, feel free to visit my ask box. If you are interested, give Plumbob Post a follow, and reblog for anyone else who you think would enjoy this blog. Stay tuned for upcoming posts!

Dag dag!

[sentom]

About Me

I guess the best way to start an introduction is by actually introducing myself. So, hello, my name is Mark/Sentom, I’m 25 at the time of writing this, and I’m an INFP.

I started my journey in MBTI around 8 years ago, at the age of 17 or 18. I was by that time a very big fan of Carl Jung, having discovered his work after reading an article explaining the end of a certain movie. To say his work changed my life would be an understatement, I was very in love with Jung and his theories. And although be it I had a very superficial understanding of his concepts, I did go and buy his book “Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious” and devoured it in probably 2 or 3 days. I only say this because once I realized that MBTI was based on his work, I was quite impressed.

So, I was browsing the web one day, bored, and decided to look up “personality test” on Google, for fun, so it led me to the MBTI test on 16personalities and I got INFP on the first try. I read the description for INFP and felt quite identified with it, I was very sure I was an INFP. Of course, I do remember going on their website to read other personality types and getting overwhelmed really fast, Thinking “what is really the difference between this type and this type?”. I would read the description for ISFP and think, “hey that sounds a lot like me!” even more so than INFP because I was a guitar player at the time and spent pretty much all my time dedicated to creating art. And then whenever I decided to read the dichotomies between two letters (I’m talking between N and S not even the functions) I didn’t ever quite understand it. I only understood the difference between I and E (shy vs talkative), F vs T (Feeling vs logic preference/orientation), and P vs J (flexible or organized), yet I clearly remember never even learning what N and S meant. And even then, I didn’t pay much attention to it, I took the general descriptions of a personality as the leading factor to understanding them.

Anyways, I did try to browse some forums at the time since I had an urging grow to talk to other people about it, specially to meet other INFPs (the forum was Personality Café). And that was my first glimpse at cognitive functions. I saw people talking about them, but whenever I tried to understand them, I was incredibly confused. Keep in mind there was nowhere that called them “cognitive functions” so I had to go on google and type “Fi” or “Ne”, and when I did manage to get any results, they were always super confusing, and I wasn’t that interested. So I showed the test to some friends and they got different results, I was like “oh cool” but really had no idea what they meant. I only thought “oh yes they are an E type that was so obvious” cause in my mind everyone but me was an E type.

It was then after talking about it 2 or 3 times with my friends I dropped the subject completely for many years. Until around 2 years ago when I started studying a new career in vocational training. So, I was going to class with around 20 other people, and one day, I was bored with one of them and told them to take the test. She took the test and got ESFJ (which she is). After a couple of days, I realized people in the class were taking the test (she must have told someone), and sure thing, in about a week everyone had taken the test. I was quite amazed at the Willingness of everyone to take the test, since whenever our teacher told us to take the “color test” or “Big 5” they all seemed quite annoyed that they had to do it. But now they were actually Willing to do another test… I guess its just an aversion to taking orders sort of thing.

So anyways, people started asking me “what does this mean?” or “what does that mean?”, to which I always tried to answer and after more questions my final answer would always be “I really have no idea”. I had an ENTP in class which I got along with very well and he always put in question everything I told him (it might sound annoying but this is exactly the mentality I use in life, question everything, this is why we get along so well, and why I get along with ENTPs so well in general). So, in response to that, I decided to learn the letter dichotomies (I vs E, N vs S…) better, but it didn’t help much. I dropped the subject for a while, until the second year (it is a 2-year course) where I started reading each personality individually and comparing it to the people in class. I started looking up YouTube videos about those types and it seemed to coincide pretty well with the way they acted.

So, after a while, and with the ENTP questioning me, I decided to give a go at the cognitive functions. By this time, I was quite aware of Reddit, and knew how to use it. So, I went on the MBTI subreddit to get some resources. And its all downhill from there. I started watching Harry from Cognitive Personality Theory on YouTube. I remember my first ever video on cognitive functions was his video, where he re-visioned the functions for people who already understood them. I was quite lost in this new sea of information, having to build both the puzzle behind me and in front of me. I was quite frustrated because the method I use to understand something is by having clear what the actual word means. So, when there is no clear definition for cognitive function, and much less for the actual cognitive functions specifically, it was quite frustrating always wanting to learn more, but nobody ever truly said anything meaningful. This is when my mind unconsciously decided to take matters into its own hands and started developing a web (don’t take this too seriously second-time readers) of information. Writing a book in my mind from beginning to end, every contradiction I ever found made me start the book from the beginning, until I could go from beginning to end without finding any contradictions.

So here I am, many months later, and my mind can finally go from beginning to end without finding any contradictions in my definitions for the cognitive functions, their inner workings, and their inter-relations. And I am now comfortable sitting down, and writing down my findings, for everyone out there who is as frustrated as I was before. I am, in a way, writing this text for my past self. For an inner anger towards the MBTI system and the unspecified nature of Jung’s work.

I will finish this chapter with an analogy. As Jung walked over the beach sand, with a metal detector, it beeped, giving sign of deep hidden buried treasure. Jung then dug a while until he found the treasure chest, but thought that the chest itself was the treasure, that it wasn’t worthy of deeper exploration. Many have tried finding the key to open it, they have tried to open it with a crowbar, and while their findings have only been superficial, as relating to the sound the contents made when they shook the chest. I am quite sure I have managed to open it. Don’t take this too seriously either, for since I think I have managed to open it, I have yet to explore the concepts that are hidden inside. I am only here to say I have finally found the key, and that the investigation that went on in my head for the past months only lead to finding the tip of the iceberg, to opening a chest with no bottom. I hope you are ready to quench your curiosity, I hope I don’t disappoint.