#YOU DONT EVEN DESERVE TO BE A MOTHER

[nightfallsystem]

is it normal for me to feel fucking pissed off that EVERYONE ELSE in this fucking family gets to have lots of fucking fun at this stupid party at my fuckcing house without having to worry that someone will misgender and deadname them until hthey cut themself

IM SO PISSED HOW COME EVERYONE ELSE GETS THAT HOW COME IM THE ONE SACRIFICED HOW COME

HOW IS THIS FAIR??? MY MOTHER WILL SACRIFICE MY MENTAL HEALTH SO SHE DOESNT HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO PEOPLE IM TRANS BECAUSE SHE PERSONALLY DOESNT WANT TO BE SLIGHTLY UNCOMFORTABLE AND ASKED QUESTIONS

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU

WHY ARE YOU SACRIFICING YOUR OWN SON LIKE THIS. YOUVE SEEN WHAT I DID TO MYSELF. YOU SAW ME BLEED OUT AND YOU STILL DO THIS TO ME. DO YOU FEEL NO GUILT. YOU SELF CENTERED FUCK.

BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DID IVE ALMOST DIED SEVERAL TIMES, ONCE AT YOUR OWN HANDS.

IF YOURE NOT CAREFUL, YOU WONT HAVE A SON BUT A DEAD DAUGHTER. WILL YOU BE HAPPIER WITH THAT? WILL YOU?

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

the way evanora possesses agatha again when she says "i can be good", like she wants to prove her own view that her daughter cant be. making alice attack her evanora, almost recreating what happened in the trial a little bit, making this new coven see what agatha will do (again, not on purpose), and making them turn on her

[plentifulbounteee]

I dont think I have the skill necessary to write fanfiction so heres my thoughts on Dick and Jason and how I would write them if I could. Okay here goes nothing.

12 year old Jason meets batman the traditional way (by getting caught trying to get his tires off the batmobile) and now he is suddenly in a world of abundance and comfort. Jason is now the son of a rich and powerful man and that causes some insecurities to flare up. He is distrustful and suspicious of Bruce initially. Jason doesn't realize that Bruce-still reeling from Dicks absence- saw tiny Jay trying to jack his tires and all he thought was "this is a small child with no home and no one to take care of him...hmm I have a home and my nest is empty, must have small child". Doesn't see that for the first few months Bruce sees an echo of Dick in all the little gestures that Jason makes (his head tilts when he's confused, his eyes sparkle when he's excited, his nose flares when he's irritated) but over time Bruce sees the ways that Jason is not Dick (he's quieter than Bruce would expect, he'll find Jason the library before he finds him in the all purpose gym, Jason hoards food like hes preparing for a war)and now he has to learn to parent a child who is "not Dick" which would be easier if Bruce would allow his heart to do the thinking for him in this one regard. There's trials and tribulations, but overall, Jason eventually feels safe and cared for, if not especially loved in the Wayne household (not that Brice didnt love Jason, he is just reeeeeeeally bad at communicating his feelings). After some time, Bruce starts training Jason to become Robin, and Jason takes to it easily and with joy. Cue the "robin gives me magic" vibes.

*Enter Dick stage left*

Dick is already Nightwing, so his visits are sporadic, but Jason can tell when he's at the manor because the atmosphere changes. There's tension between Dick and Bruce that Jason doesn't wholly understand and having Dick around is a double-edged sword. If Dick isn't dismissive and almost outright cold to Jason, he's full on yelling and fighting with Bruce. Their fights get so bad that it triggers Jason's anxiety to the point of needing to hide somewhere "safe" in the manor (usually his favorite nook in the library or at Alfreds side in the kitchen). It's weeks of this before, one day, Dick bangs his hand down on the table from frustration at something Bruce says when Jason flinches hard enough to drop the cookie he's eating. Right as they both turn to him, Jason is already out of his chair mumbling an apology before almost running out of the room. He can barely take having Bruce's stare in normal circumstances, but having both the Batman and Nightwing glares on him is too much. Dick stares after him, guilt churning in his stomach before he stands to go after him, ignoring Bruce's stern call of his name.

After looking for almost a half hour (he even tried to ask Alfred, only to receive an unimpressed eyebrow arch as a response), before he finds Jason curled up in the furthest corner of his nook, staring out the window and ignoring Dicks approach. Dick isn't shy by any means by he's almost bashful as he apologizes to Jason for seeing him like that and how he's been allowing his feelings about Bruce to get in the way of them being brothers. He explains what Robin means to him and how Bruce didn't have the right to take something that was Dicks birthright and give it to another, especially without Dicks knowing. Jason understands, and the brother bonding begins.

Even with things still being tense with Bruce, Dick's attention is Jason's favorite thing outside of being Robin. Dick smiles easily, teases and jokes with him like a big brother would, helps with homework, gives advice when asked, but what gets Jason is Dicks tactility. It's hard not to notice when Jason is now used to head ruffles, shoulder pats, and the occasional hug from Bruce. Dick would grab him around the waist and swing him around as a greeting whenever he comes by, would lean into his side as Jason makes them sandwiches for lunch in the kitchen, would run his hand through his hair as he passes behind Jason sitting on the couch, would lay his head in Jason's lap as Jason reads curled up in his-now their- nook in the library. It's a level of warmth Jason hasn't had since his mother and he basks in the attention.

Dick is busy running Bludhaven and the Titans, but he tries his best to make time for his Little Wing. Within the first week of meeting the Titans, Jason never wants to go home again. They all spoil him relentlessly, much to Dick's dismay:

(Donna keeps picking him up and flying him around the tower "Donna please that's too high, are you sure you're holding him securely? Lets maybe fly over this mound of pillows I totally didnt erect in my paranoia. Hmmm? What do you mean I'm mothering him how dare you he's just a baby-Jason I know you're 14 don't yell at me I'm only trying to keep you safe, Donna you said no loopty loops you promised"-Roy helps him make his own trick arrows "Jason this one shoots acid, whyyyy did Roy let you make this, HOW did you make this? Nvm no you can't take it with you, do you want B to kill us both? Yes you can have it back whenever you come to the tower UNDER SUPERVISION, no you can't make one that explodes, Jason I swear to god..." - Wally challenges Jason to way too many eat offs as not-so-well hidden attempts to put meat on his bones "16 wally. 16 freaking Chilli dogs are you clinically insane? No no I don't care if they're his favorite, he's puking his guts out in our bathroom and I have to take him to that gala with B in an hour, Jason hush you're still going, oh youre dying? well whose fault is that Little Wing? Wally I will literally kill you if you say I'm a mother one more time"- and Garth makes sure that the sea life know and recognize Jason as their own "Garth! Garth where is Jason? What do you mean he's still playing with the whales it's been 2 hours and 42 minutes since he's been on land, Garth he's probably a prune by now tell em to bring him back, stop mocking me are you mocking me, I'll eat a fish stick right now don't play with me bring him back NOW") but Dick wouldn't have it any other way. Having people love on Jason the way he deserves is all Dick wants for his little brother.

Over time Jason improves as Robin and Dick softens enough that his relationship with Bruce starts to improve as well. He goes out nearly every night with Bruce and Batman and Robin are an iconic duo, but inwardly Jason feels his best self is when he's under the tutelage and careful eye of Nightwing. There is a level of freedom that Dick allows Jason, his opinions are accepted more readily without fear of judgement or shut down and rapport comes easily, barbs and jokes flowing readily between them.

But that's not to say that Dick isn't a tough mentor because he is. First protege of Batman and Dick shows it in his ability to lead and his serious approach to heroism. He lets Jason have more freedom, but he also reigns him in with gentle/firm words. He listens to Jason's opinions, but he also offers rebuttals and will shut down an idea if it's too dangerous or reckless. Jason, being sensitive to criticism and with a Batman sized chip on his shoulder, tends to bite back more harshly than he should and sometimes it evolves into arguments that start out as a simple back and forth but turns to hurtful barbs being thrown at each other. At the end of the day, they're a 14 and 19 year old and sometimes they act like it :

"I totally had that guy Wing!" "Little wing he almost shot you, you can't just jump out like that you need to be more careful!" "Be more careful Jason, Be less reckless Jason, be more like Dick Jason! It's never good enough for you is it? The golden boy is always right huh?" "That's not what I said, you're acting like a spoiled brat!" "Whatever Dickface I don't need to take your shit" "Language and don't forget you little jerk, you came to ME remember?" "Oh round of applause for the good Samaritan everybody! Dickwing the savior helping out the street trash like a good boy! Make sure you dont let the street rat do too well or daddy bats might not ever love you again" "Yeah and maybe I'll just leave the 'street rat' right here and go about my business since you've got it all figured out right?You've been Robin for not even a year and almost got shot in the face tonight, but yeah you're a professional. Maybe next time you won't have Nightwing or Batman to save you, you'll just be a smear on the road and a bad memory" and sometimes it leads to them walking away from each other, both upset but too stubborn to apologize first with wounds festering...

But there are times where the apology consists of this: Jason will wait until dark and everyone is in their rooms for the night before making his way downstairs to bake Dick's favorite cookies. He'll make his way back upstairs and after knocking quietly and hearing Dicks soft reply, he'll enter Dicks room and silently place his offering on the nightstand by Dick's bed, Dick watching without comment. After, they'll just stare at each other, Dick's eyes measuring while Jason stares back, defiant even in his apology before Dick's face breaks into a small smile and he picks up a cookie and everything is forgiven.

Or this: Dick will wait until he's calmed down enough to finally make his way to Jason, who has holed himself in his room (the library is neutral territory, a place where no arguments or disagreements are allowed) to sulk. With all the audacity of an elder sibling, he will open the door without knocking and then full on tackle Jason on his bed which always leads to angry wrestling-Jason screaming bloody murder meanwhile- which leads to not-as-angry tickling which leads to cuddling in whatever sprawled out heap they end in. Jason will huff and call Dick annoying but he melts into the embrace every time.

It's through these encounters that they strengthen their bond into something damn near unbreakable and they become inseparable. Whenever Dick visits the manor, he beelines for Jason immediately, regardless of if hes there on a mission for Bruce or not. Whenever he's with the Titans, he's checking his phone for any texts or calls from his Little Wing:

"Dude your son is fine" " Shut it Wally" " Whose son? Oh, Dick? Are you still tracking his field trip?" "He's not my son, mind your business, and yes I am because he refused to tell me where he's going on this mysterious field trip-" "Gee can't imagine why-" "Donna you said you were on my side-" "and isn't it concerning that there is a side to be on?" "Guys please!"

Jason soaks up the attention like a flower first introduced to the sun. One of the first things he tells the few friends he makes in school is about his big brother. "Yeah did you know Dick could be in the Olympics? That asshole can do a quadruple flip with his eyes closed and bring home the gold but noooooo he doesn't want the publicity" "Chess? Nah I'm good but you should see my brother play, he's always one upping those old guys at the park, he's so good". He does this to Bruce too which totally doesn't make Bruce a little jealous. "Hey Dad, I'm going to see Dick this weekend" " You know you could stay home sometimes, we could watch one of those movies you like Jaylad" "No can do old man, Dick finally agreed to let me spar with Donna I can't miss it" "You're really leaving me just to go spar?" "To spar with DONNA, B there's a difference" "...if you want more advanced training I can maybe call wonderwo-" "Hold that thought B, Dick is calling- Sup dickface miss me yet? Yeah yeah I know what to bring, MOM, I'm not a baby-"

And that's the other thing that develops. It started as a joke between them, something that the Titans started way back when Jason first started visiting.

Jason calls Dick "Mom".

The jokes and the teasing over the years finally solidified into this thing between them. Jason doesn't say it often, and sometimes it's just a thought in his head, but for all intents and purposes, in his heart of hearts, there is no one more deserving of the title than Richard Grayson. There will be times where Dick is seeing Jason off to bed and as he ruffles his hair and kisses his forehead, Dick will hear a quiet "night mom" before Jason turns away to head off to his room. Times where Dick will finish saying something that'll have Jason's eyes rolling but a fond "okay mom geez" will tumble from his lips. Times where the nightmares stray a little too close to home and Dick is holding his bruised heart in his hands, vulnerability broadcasted in the way he holds himself so tightly-too tightly- to let anyone else ease the hurt but Jason squeezes through the cracks of stubbornness and frigidity with a soft "it's okay mom, I'm right here, it's okay" and will hold Dick til it passes, even if it takes all night.

These are moments Dick holds close to his heart, moments he hoards earnestly and tenderly. By this time Dick has learned about Catherine Todd, about Jason's love of his mother and how it endured almost everything,even Willis, but her drug addiction. Learns that "mom" can bind Jason in ways nothing, not even the approval of Batman, can. Learns that he holds something more fragile and volatile than a bomb and even more devastating. Luckily, Dick is the type to hold on to things, to people, so now when he hold his Little Wing he sometimes hears the echoes of 2 screams and a hard thud on a cold circus floor and thinks "this time my grip will be infallible".

[puke-ur-gutz]

-> on mothers, resentment, and the guilt of needing to be cared for

[amyloveletter]

augghh ,.....

[hearts401]

raises my hand i actually like the concept of a shitty parent getting better i just hate when its used to be like "im good now so you should forgive me."

people grow and change and hurt people!!! and those hurt people deserve to move on without having to forgive their abuser!!!

[strwbrymlkshake]

who up praying for downfalls 🤨

[north-wilkesboro-moonshine-cave]

actually no i am still mad about this. if you want to move an organization to the left you have to show up and put in the work to DO THAT. you have to get people to understand why those policies are worth moving for and how they will improve things.

[neerasrealm]

tumblr user biphobia-central when a bi4bi husband and wife walk past them in the park with their two month old in a stroller:

[skrunksthatwunk]

just found out rascal (babycat)'s been with his owner this whole time instead of my roommate which is. something. :|

[476b]

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[blye-flower]

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[rivilu]

I dont really believe in afterlife as a place, but if one exists im finding the Roman fucker that adapted the Medusa story and pummeling him to death a second time

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

Sometimes I think I must consume media wrong because I don't remember The Lottery by Shirley Jackson fucking me up

Like sure I read it and was like 'wait hang on, what- oh dear.' but I didn't have the 'Dude That Was So Fucked Up I Am Fundamentally Changed As A Person' experience everyone else apparently had

And that ain't a flex btw this ain't a "oh I can read the most fucked up stuff and feel NOTHING" kinda bullshit I just. Wasn't that deeply affected lmao

[paradoxicalpaldeann]

i don't know if i'll be able to post on here or ao3 much at all in the coming months. vent in the tags

[femmefaggot]

Gah okay I hope I can maybe sleep soon but I don't know. you do not need to read these tags is it a lot.