#into account; and the roman version as all things roman is just fucking worse and i hATE IT- sorry the demons

[rivilu]

I dont really believe in afterlife as a place, but if one exists im finding the Roman fucker that adapted the Medusa story and pummeling him to death a second time

[rotationalsymmetry]

At the risk of losing all my (probably pretty limited) anarchist cred, I just gotta go off about what the American ideals are.

(There’s a certain amount of “America is the best” that goes around among Americans (especially conservatives) and I don’t really want to come across like that? An analogy: at some point we got this idea that apple pie is this really classically super American thing but it’s not like other places don’t have apple pie; when I say freedom and equality are American values I don’t mean that other places don’t have those values or for that matter that America is especially good at embodying values of equality and freedom. Just that they are values that we nominally aspire to and that they are good values to aspire to. Anyways.)

(Individual) freedom. Rights. Liberties. To say what you want, believe what you want, hang out with who you want to hang out with, and tell the government off when it’s messing up without being punished (at least by the government) for it. And the US is pretty hard core on free speech: there’s not a lot that the government is allowed to censor, including for instance Nazi stuff. Whether that’s the right call there is an open question. (And…in practice people do get in trouble for specifically their political views, it’s just the government has to break its own rules to do that and it doesn’t really have popular buy-in. For instance, when San Francisco Food Not Bombs was facing mass arrests, the police were pretty open about it being because FNB is an anarchist group, but it did make them look bad and they eventually stopped doing it. (Legally it was “not having a permit”, but uh, that wasn’t the actual reason.)

One place the US both fails to live up to that ideal, specifically on the “believe what you want” front, is that Christmas is a national holiday and US Christians and social Christians (people who aren’t Christian but do celebrate secularized versions of Christian holidays and aren’t strongly tied to a tradition with different holidays and practices) tend to be massively in denial about how that privileges Christianity over other religions. For instance, Jewish people tend to have to specifically ask for Yom Kippur off from work or school and aren’t necessarily able to travel to spend Passover with family. Whereas, apart from people who have jobs that have to be done all the time like nurses, Christians generally don’t have a problem with getting Christmas off, not even having to ask, just automatically. Sure, we don’t have an official religion, technically, but in practice there are things the government (not to mention society as a whole) does to make it easier for Christians than non-Christians.

Still, that’s better than where we started. In the decades around American independence, many states switched from having an official Protestant religion that got government funding, while other denominations had to scramble for funding from congregants who were supporting a religion they didn’t belong to with their taxes, to not having that.

Legal protections against unfair convictions and cruel punishments. Now, if you’ve been following along you know the US has a criminal justice system problem. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I strongly recommend reading The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander. Also great as an audiobook.) So, we’re not putting this one into practice well, because racism. But in theory, trial by a jury of one’s peers is a good thing, due process is a good thing, not having to testify against yourself is a good thing, legally not being allowed to torture people is a good thing (again, theory vs practice), and innocent until proven guilty if you have to have a punitive justice system is better than not having an “innocent until proven guilty” approach. All this is super corrupted and we fail to live up to this ideal hard and there should be more about giving people a fresh start after they’ve served their time. But, it’s still good stuff, we just need to live it out better.

Speaking of racism, we value equality. In theory. And some things have gotten better over time. Certainly rules about who can vote have gotten a lot more inclusive.

Maybe if we keep believing that we should treat everyone equally hard enough one day we’ll actually get there. Maybe we get there one piece at a time. One teacher who calls on girls as often as boys, one real estate agent who treats the same sex couples the same as the opposite sex couples, one college admissions person who doesn’t mark down the essays that talk about participation in race based school clubs. Maybe it’s always going to be a process.

(Representative) democracy. It’s possible to overplay this, but yeah, it’s a value we got. That decisions should ultimately be in the hands of people collectively. That legislators etc should be accountable to the people.

Federalism: so, there’s a hierarchy where the national government can overrule state and local decisions. But, this is important, it’s a limited hierarchy in that the people higher up the hierarchy don’t pick and can’t replace people farther down the hierarchy. The state governor gets elected by the people. The city mayor gets elected by the people. So do the legislative branches at all levels. If the President of the US hates the guts of the governor of California, too bad, he’s just gotta deal with it. People higher up in government don’t appoint people at a lower level of government.

Plus, see “freedom” above, there’s limitations on what the national government can actually do. (These limitations are somewhat weakened because the national government can regulate interstate trade and that covers a lot these days, but there’s still lines it’s not allowed to cross.)

Similarly the “checks and balances” concept — the President has a lot of power but he’s not a dictator, and he can’t just do anything. Most things require Congress’s approval. And the Supreme Court can rule on what’s constitutional, this is how we got nation-wide legal same sex marriage and nation-wide abortion protection. Far from a perfect system and one of the big holes is how only Congress can declare war so we just haven’t “declared war” since WWII. So clearly the US hasn’t been in a war since then. Anyways.

Anyways this is why I’m not actually that thrilled about the “but Biden can just executive order everything” approach. That’s not how it’s supposed to work. If you don’t want the President to have dictatorial power, you have to accept limitations on the President’s power even when he’s Team Blue. And the more power the president has, the more wild swings we see on things like immigration policy which is not actually a good thing.

We initially had a “no political parties” concept. That worked out abysmally. Probably if we’d actually allowed for political parties we’d have rules about them that actually made sense and might limit the amount of fuckery that goes on.

Now some ideals that I’m less happy about. These are things I don’t endorse or approve of, but I’m mentioning them because they are common American values. Meritocracy: the idea that sure there’s wealth and power inequality but that’s ok as long as the people with more earned it. Fuck that.

(Well, in theory it’s got some advantages over “powerful people pass that power on to their kids no matter how incompetent,” except in practice meritocracy is often a cover for just that.) (Anyways, in theory we like people to succeed based on merit, which is better than a belief system that some types of people are naturally superior to and more capable than other types of people. So there’s worse ideals. There’s better ones too.)

Capitalism.

Hard work. Grind culture baby. Work all the time. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps

Puritan bullshit. You don’t need contraception. Just keep your legs closed. If we don’t teach kids about sex they won’t have sex. Also, don’t do drugs. Also, religious people are better than atheists. (Also, specifically Christians are better than everyone else. Real Christians. Not like those (other denomination).)

Melting pot/assimilation: sometime multiculturalism gets into the value stew and I’m all for respecting multiple cultures and recognizing that America is made up of people from a wide variety of different backgrounds, not just people from England/northern and western Europe/Europe. And that we do in fact get our values from a wide variety of cultures (including Native American cultures) and not just Greco-Roman Whatever. (Like seriously: US democracy is as much a child of the Iroquois Confederacy as Athens.) Other times the value is “you’re here now, forget where you’re from and blend in.” And part of that is about not judging people by where they’re from and that’s good! But it shouldn’t be tied to “ew, you’re having that for lunch?”

Manifest Destiny. Yeah. Fuck that.

I’m probably leaving stuff out. Whatever. I’m tired. I’m just going to post. If I want to clean it up later I can make a new post.

[ibelieveinharrystyles]

Chapter Eleven: The Encore

Forever? Masterlist

30th October 2017

Since the confrontation on Daisy’s birthday Harry had gradually become more distant, of course there was the inevitable truth that he was on tour, meaning he was busier, but that hadn’t been a problem when he toured with One Direction, he always seemed to maintain contact. Normally when Harry was away for periods of time, he would make the effort to facetime or call Ashley, even if it was for five minutes, just to make sure she was alright, but in the last couple of months their calls had depleted in number. First came the excuses, that he was jet lagged or had soundcheck, but then as the calls stopped, so did the excuses, Ashley didn’t really think anything of it, she knew Harry was busy and he wanted the tour to go well, you only get to make a first impression once, as her mum had always reminded her. Matt had gone off the radar since Harry told him to stay away, for some time Ashley was worried Matt would go to the press, but clearly he had worked out that Harry’s lawyers were not the sort of people you messed with. 

“I see Mr Styles is back in town for his tour tonight, you going?” Roman asked Ashley as they made their way out of the studio and towards the kitchen after another morning of the breakfast show.

“Yep, Hammersmith Apollo, when the boys did their last tour together I went to about a third of the shows, but that was way back when I was on a gap year, but now I’m a working mum, so it's just night two in London for me.” Ashlley explained.

“Is Daisy going?” Roman asked.

“No, she’s too little, I think it would overwhelm her a bit, one of my mum’s friends is at university in London, so she said she would babysit.”

“That’s good, you’ll be able to let your hair down that way.” Roman replied, “Anyway I’ll leave you to it, I imagine you’ve got all sorts to do today.”

“Cheers Ro.” 

Gemma had agreed to meet Ashley before the show for dinner, they agreed on an Italian just around the corner from the venue, “So have you spoken to my illusive brother much in the last couple of months?” Gemma asked as the waiter placed their sharing platter of dough balls on the table.

“Not much in the last few weeks, I guess that would be down to jet lag, he’s a busy man,” Ashley explained.

“Not to forget he’s loved up at the moment, did he mention that to you?” Gemma replied.

“I saw it on the internet, all those update accounts on Twitter were going mad, especially after Nick did that thing with the heart rate monitor.” Ashley informed her.

“So he never told you about Camille himself?” Gemma asked.

“No, I guess it never really came up in conversation, I mean there was that one time he said he couldn’t facetime Daisy because he was going out for dinner, and then the following morning there is pictures of them out together,”

“He gave up the opportunity to facetime Daisy? That doesn’t sound like Harry.” Gemma replied.

“He has seemed more distant since what happened on the heath on Daisy’s birthday,I just put it down to being busy with his tour.” Ashley explained.

“Being on tour has never stopped him staying in contact with you, I don’t get why now all of a sudden it's a problem.”

“I guess you’re right,” Ashley sighed, “I might ask him about it after the show.” 

Ashley stood at the sound desk with Gemma, Anne, Lou, Lux and Nick waiting for the show to start, the audience’s anticipation was immense, when he finally appeared on stage the screams were intense, having been to so many One Direction shows over the years Ashley had become immune to the ear ringing effect it once had on her. Harry appeared on stage in a sparkly yellow suit, beginning with Ever Since New York, followed by Two Ghosts and Carolina  before he went on to introduce himself to the crowd, “Hi I’m Harry, thank you for choosing to spend your night with us, we’re going to sing some songs for you tonight,” He chatted to the audience, “Please feel free to be whoever you want to be in this room tonight, this is Sweet Creature.” As he began to sing Ashley got the same funny butterfly feeling in her stomach that she got when Harry told her he wrote it for her, she didn’t really know why but hearing him sing it live meant so much more to her than it ever did when she played the studio version, she felt closer to the lyrics, understanding what each one meant. She figured that what Harry meant was that matter what happened, no matter where he ended up, she would always be the one he could call upon to bring him back to where he needed to be.

“You alright sweetheart?” Anne whispered, she had noticed the tears that stained Ashley’s cheeks, she wrapped an arm around her as Harry continued to sing.

After the show had finished one of Harry’s security team led the group backstage where Harry and his band were celebrating the end to another successful show, they were led down a few dimly lit corridors of the theatre to the green room where Harry and his team were sharing drinks and talking about the show. Ashley stood awkwardly beside Gemma, not really knowing what to do, it was the first time she had seen her best friend in almost three months, but it all felt so different, he was different. “Are you okay Ash?” Gemma whispered to her.

“Yeah, it all just feels different, he seems different.” Ashley replied.

“Look, he’s standing by himself, just go and talk to him.” Gemma encouraged her.

Ashley crept tentatively to where Harry was pouring himself a drink, “You guys were incredible up there.” Ashley told him, leaning against the wall beside him.

“Thank you.” Harry smiled.

“How’s the tour gone so far?” Ashley asked, trying to forge some sort of conversation, it had never been like this before, with Harry it was always easy and the conversation would just flow.

“It's been good,” he told her, their pathetic excuse of a conversation was interrupted by Harry’s phone ringing, he pulled it from his pocket for both of them to see Camille’s name flash up on the screen, “Sorry, I’ve got to take this.” Harry said before quickly leaving the lively atmosphere of the green room.

“You’re right, he isn’t the same,” Gemma said, taking a place beside Ashley promptly after Harry exited the room.

“He seems so distant Gem, and I have no clue why, through all the years of our friendship I’ve been able to read him, I could tell when things were wrong, but this time,” Ashley placed her head in her hand, “I have no clue Gem.”

“When he gets off the phone I’ll speak to him, I don’t think softly softly catchy monkey is going to work for much longer.” Gemma assured her, putting her arm around Ashley’s shoulder. 

“Alright love, I’ll speak to you soon, bye,” Harry ended the call to his girlfriend to see Gemma standing in the corridor just metres away from him, “You alright Gem? Enjoy the show?” 

“Enough of the small talk, what’s up with you tonight?” Gemma asked her brother, crossing her arms across her chest.

“Nothing, what are you on about Gem?” Harry asked.

“You and Ashley, if this were two years ago you would be following her around like a lost puppy, but you barely muttered three words to her in there.” Gemma told him.

“Yeah, that was two years ago, we’re different people now.” Harry replied.

“What does that mean? Gemma asked, clearly confused by what her brother meant.

“We aren’t the same people anymore, she has Daisy, I’ve got the tour, I guess we’ve drifted recently.” Harry explained.

“Just because you’ve drifted it doesn’t mean you can’t make your friendship work, it doesn't mean you can’t make the effort.” Gemma told him sternly.

“Maybe I’m tired of making the effort.” Harry replied flippantly, sighing heavily.

“Well at least I know where I stand.” Harry turned to see Ashley standing further down the corridor, she wavered before turning on her heel and running down the corridor to make her way out of the venue.

“Phenomenal Harry! Fucking Phenominal!” Gemma wasn’t usually one to swear, but in this instance it felt appropriate, “Aren’t you going to go after her?” She asked, Harry standing there awkwardly, “For Christ sake Harry go after her!”

“Ashley! Wait.” Harry called, power walking down the dark streets of Hammersmith.

“What for Harry? So you can remind me what a pathetic excuse of a life I lead?” Ashley shouted as she continued to march towards Hammersmith station, she was past caring about the press seeing their altercation.

“It isn’t like that Ash.” Harry muttered.

“What is it like Harry?” Ashley asked, stopping to look at Harry, “What bullshit explanation do you have that could justify you not wanting to put any effort into our friendship?” Harry was left speechless, if he was completely honest he didn’t even know, “You know what Harry, we’re done, this, our friendship it's done, I am not going to wait around for you to fight for something that clearly means nothing to you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? I’m sorry that when my daughter asks for her Uncle Harry in the middle of the night that I will have to tell her you want nothing to do with us, you know how important it was to me that she had a positive male role model in her life,” Ashley told him bitterly, “You are not the same Harry that I adored twelve years ago.” She looked him in the eyes as he showed little emotion, “Goodbye Harry.” She turned to walk away, she didn’t want him to see her cry, she didn’t want him to think he had in any way won, the bitterness of her salty tears stung her eyes as she made her way into the station, the overwhelming bright lights of the walkway making the stinging even worse.

Ashley entered her flat earlier than she or Ellie, her mum’s friend’s daughter who was babysitting Daisy had anticipated, “You’re back early,” Ellie said as she found Ashley in the hallway, taking off her shoes and jacket, she noticed Ashley’s tear stained cheeks, “Ashley are you alright? You look like you’ve been crying.”

“I’m fine, how was Daisy?” Ashley asked, desperate to  change the topic of conversation.

“She’s been an absolute angel, I can stay for a bit if you want.” Ellie told her kindly.

“No, you go home, here’s the money, thank you for tonight.” She handed Ellie some cash as she left the flat, once Ellie had left Ashley broke down, she slumped against the wall, her head in her hands, she thought about Harry, he was a few mere miles away, but he may as well have been on the other side of the world. Ashley’s distress was interrupted by Daisy’s babbling, she was clearly wanting a night time feed, Ashley found Daisy stood up in her cot in their shared bedroom of their tiny flat, “Hello my angel,” she lifted Daisy out of the cot, snuggling her close to her chest, “Looks like its just me and you from now on my love.”

and there we go the final part of ‘forever?’ I’m working on some other writing projects at the moment but something tells me this won’t be the last we see of Ashley, Daisy and Harry...

[rollinsuniversal]

stars that do not give a damn

prompt fill for this anon!

pairing : seth rollins/dean ambrose (ish)

genre : angst, unrequited love

words : 2k

summary : something went wrong on that monday night. seth needs to know it won’t happen again.

a/n : this is the first ambrollins fic i’ve ever written, so bear with me if there’s any inconsistencies with their characters.

out of respect for Joseph’s real-life diagnosis, i won’t be incorporating any mentions of his leukemia here. i wish him only health and happiness, and hope he takes all the time he needs to recover.

for narrative purposes, in my version of events, roman was attacked backstage by an incensed brick lesnob and was kayfabe hospitalized, leaving seth and dean to capture the titles later that night. the original plan was simply for dean to perform one dirty deeds on seth and then leave the ring. but as we all know, that isn’t what happened.

gravity’s a heartless bitch, and she’s trying her damnedest to bring seth to his knees. if it wasn’t for the aides and medics pulling him onto the gurney, he’d most definitely have passed out by now.  the ringing in his ears paired with the screams from the audience are only making his aches worse, but at least he has something to concentrate on other than the enormous, dean-shaped elephant that’s sat itself right on top of his chest.

fuck, his head hurts. it takes a ridiculous amount of focus for him to center himself once on his back, and his head feels like it weighs 50 pounds. he’s strapped in, shutting his eyes for a moment before he’s being hit on the face, muffled orders from lovell prying them open again. the gurney’s moving quickly, the crowd’s noise gradually melding into one loud roar, and it’s all seth can do to keep his chest moving up and back down again, keep his eyes open, and do everything in his power to keep from screaming his own confusion into the raucous chorus.

***

dean lost the script somewhere between that first kick and driving seth’s head into the concrete ground. as bad as seth wants to think it was a lapse in memory, or even an attempt to really sell their chaotic emotions, he knows it’s something deeper, darker stirring in dean’s head--

***

“keep me updated,” lovell hands seth his backpack, his gear having been sent to the hotel already.

“will do.” seth finishes tying up his hair and sits up on his cot, watching techs scrambling to break everything down for transport. “please tell me i can sleep.”

“sleep’s the best thing i can prescribe for you right now,” lovell assures him. “and i’ve already got you dropped from tomorrow’s card, so take advantage.”

seth nods, fiddling with one of the bag’s straps and watching a tech hustle in for a cart of first aid kits and run it in the direction of the loading docks. he swings his feet back and forth, trying to be casual and failing if the doctor’s raised brow is anything to go by.

“nothing better to prescribe?”

“by better you mean stronger,” lovell corrects, already shaking his head. “keep you up for 18 hours and make you fall over every two minutes stronger. i’ve got nothing for you.”

failing miserably, seth notes with a purse of his lips. he slides off the cot and puts his pack on, grabbing his cap and phone and leaving the doctor with a pat on the shoulder. “thanks again.”

“i don’t have to send anyone after you, do i?” lovell keeps his back turned, though the intent in his voice is serious.

“no sir,” seth responds, not without a bit of bite. “those days are behind me.”

no response. seth mutters expletives under his breath, blood beginning to boil. he zips his jacket up and pulls the hood on, tucking his chin towards his chest and keeping his face blank as he makes his way to the garage.

***

“why do you keep doing this to yourself?” dean’s voice is sharp, though he pitches his concern deep enough so only seth can hear. he keeps his body language hostile to prevent anyone from approaching them and readjusts his hold on seth, hoping it looks more like they’re deep in conversation as opposed to dean being the only thing between seth’s face and the garage’s concrete floor.

“i’m try—“ seth’s head lolls forward, his legs stiffening up so the weight of his entire body is driven onto dean, who catches him with a hissed curse.

there are eyes on them now, and dean glances around hastily, spotting mike talking with his driver by his bus and waving them over.

“what’d he take?” mike’s instantly sliding down to catch seth, helping dean lower seth to the ground and propping seth’s head up on his thigh. he motions for his driver to find a doctor and begins batting at seth’s face until seth comes to and shoves his hands away.

“hydro,” dean huffs, settling beside seth’s legs and feeling for the stiffness so he can start massaging it away.

“call it what it is, dean,” seth slurs, panting and bringing his hands to his face. “vicodin, right? mike, you know, you were there.”

mike grits his teeth, “i helped you. you came to me, remember?”

“i don’t remember you stopping me when i kept coming back.” seth groans and lifts one hand. “lower.”

dean obeys, finding the taut muscles and digging his palms in.

“is he responsive?” lovell’s voice breaks through the tension around them, and he kneels at seth’s side.

“i don���t know, is he?” seth throws his hands up, barely missing mike’s face. “go ahead and assess me, good doctor. 20 bucks says you can’t figure out what it is this time.”

“pay up,” lovell waves a small vial in seth’s face, bright yellow pills rattling around.

“you went on my bus.” seth is staring at the pills, an unreadable look in his eyes. dean tightens his ministrations, pulling seth’s focus onto him briefly. “what the fuck?”

“policy,” lovell supplies, rooting around in his bag for a bottle of water and his radio. “drink this.” he gets to his feet, muttering something into the radio.

seth snatches the bottle, angrily beginning to chug but choking with his haste. mike shoves him to a sitting position, smacking his back a little harder than necessary.

“stop fucking hitting me!” seth lurches away, trying to get to his feet. dean pulls on his leg, keeping him down and holding him still as more medics arrive with a gurney.

“i’ve gotta go,” mike grabs lovell’s arm. “make sure this disappears before it reaches the top.”

“already on it.”

seth’s placed on the gurney. everyone in the garage is accounted for and paid off for their silence. dean eventually texts roman to let him know what’s happened, though his only reaction is to ask if seth’s okay and whether or not they’re still going on the next week.

dean wishes he could be so flippant, just leave seth to his demons and only associate with him in the arenas and forget about him once he heads out.

god, if only it were that easy to forget about seth rollins.

***

“feeling blue, boss?” hugh greets seth the second he swings the bus door open. “heavy stuff.” he motions to his phone screen, where he’s watching a recap of the night.

“yeah,” seth nods, unable to ignore his faithfully jolly driver. “pretty heavy.”

“ambrose is riding with us,” hugh thumbs over his shoulder. “something about his tires being out.”

“he’s here?” seth throws his pack onto the front table, shutting the door.

hugh nods. “he looked pretty ko’d. haven’t heard a peep from him since he got on. he’s probably asleep.”

seth mulls this over, not registering his phone buzzing in his hand until hugh points to it.

“hey, rome.”

“i’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that wasn’t all part of the script.”

“good guess.” seth rubs at his neck, the muscles still smarting. “think he’s just giving the fans the heel they’ve been wanting.”

roman pauses, some indistinct noises coming from his end, then an audible click and it’s silent apart from his breaths.

“you see his face after he did it?”

“yeah.”

seth considers telling roman about his blood running cold when dean stayed on his knees after his first dirty deeds instead of leaving the ring, and the desperation he felt as he repeated assurances and pleas for dean to remember what they’d planned.

“how are you feeling?” he asks instead.

roman’s surprised inhale is enough to reveal his own confusion, but he goes with it. “sore. but i’ll be okay. how soon till you’re cleared?”

“i’ll be good by next week.”

“good.”

neither of them speak. it’s that way between the two of them pretty often now. seth can’t remember exactly when they started drifting this way, but aches as he realizes this space between them isn’t going anywhere soon. with dean switching over, it’ll only make the divide deeper, the silences heavier and all the more noticeable.

“i should go. gotta rest up.”

“yeah,” roman sighs heavily and it turns into a yawn. “me too. talk to you tomorrow?”

“sure. bye.”

“bye, bro.”

***

seth knows he’s being a coward. this is his bus, yet he hasn’t made it past the couch directly behind hugh and they’ve been driving for two hours. by now, he’s figured out that dean’s tucked away in one of the bunks between the communal and private half of the bus because of the occasional shuffling he’ll hear behind the curtain.

seth’s tired, and he wants nothing more than to rush past those bunks, dive into the shower and fall into his bed to pretend that none of this has happened. he sighs, readjusting his cap for the hundredth time before tossing it aside with a huff.

“you need some sleep, boss. you took some real damage tonight.”

“yeah, hugh, i know.”

“not trying to step on your toes—“

“i know.” seth reaches over, patting hugh’s shoulder to take the sting from his words. “i just need a minute.”

hugh nods, lowering his voice. “was i right to let him on?”

seth scratches his thumbnail across the bottom of his chin in thought for a moment. “i wouldn’t want him stranded there.”

he watches the road over hugh’s shoulder for a few moments, taking in the city lights until they blur together, his eyes fluttering open and shut a few times before he pushes himself to his feet with finality.

there’s no reason they can’t talk this out like the grown men they are. dean’s emotions got the best of him, and that’s okay. it happens. seth just needs to hear from him that that’s all it was.

hands in his jacket pockets, he lifts his chin and strides over to the bunks, switching on the light and parking himself in the middle of them before turning to the curtain he’s pretty sure dean’s tucked behind.

“i’m not too good with the long, drawn-out silences. that’s more your thing. so, if you don’t want to talk about it now, that’s okay. i just want to make sure you’re okay.”

there’s no response, and seth’s nodding to himself. “i get it. i’ll see you in the morning.” he squares his shoulders and takes a few steps into his bedroom.

“can’t hear you with your back turned to me.” dean’s voice is gravelly, tired, and coming from the bunk exactly opposite from where seth had been speaking.

the curtain opens with a swish, and seth puts his arm on the door frame, pulling himself back into the bunk space with a small smile that falls when he sees the look on dean’s face. his face is red, eyes irritated and puffy and just sad. he shifts so he’s on his side and seth immediately moves closer, raising a hand to place in that familiar spot just behind dean’s ear, but stopping himself at the last second.

“i know i said i could handle this, and i really thought i could.” dean sniffs, running a quick thumb under the tip of his nose. “but i’ve told you before, it’s just.” he gestures vaguely to his head. “sometimes the pressure just keeps building and i can’t think—“

“—i know.” seth assures him. and i hate seeing you like that. but you need to give yourself credit because you did what you were supposed to do. you did the job, and it’s what the fans wanted. did you hear the pop?”

dean scoffs dryly, keeping his eyes averted from seth. “yeah it was great. you’re not gonna say anything about what i did to you?”

it’s definitely a fair question. throughout their entire run, seth’s been the one focused on the big picture and calling the shots necessary to steer their story in the right direction. but his frustration with tonight’s plan being derailed pales in comparison to his concern for the erratic, pained way dean unloaded on him.

“do you want me to say something about it?”

“just tell me if this changes things between us.” dean mumbles. “if you want to go method and make this real, cut the cord, i don’t blame you.”

seth is already shaking his head and follows his urge this time, cupping dean’s face in his hand and bending so they’re level. dean’s eyes stay cast down, but his mouth trembles a bit, betraying how distraught the thought makes him.

“can you look at me?” seth rubs one of his thumbs over dean’s cheek, hoping to encourage him.

dean sniffs again, exhaling shakily at the touch and slowly bringing his eyes up to finally meet seth’s. seth feels his brows knit together immediately and he crowds himself closer, pressing his forehead to dean’s.

“eight years.” he asserts. “we’ve had each other for eight years and i’ve given you plenty of opportunity to leave me behind. i need you to believe me when i say that there’s no chance in hell i’m turning on you now. we’ve got a job to do and i have no idea what’s coming next, but i can’t — i won’t — go forward without you at 100%.” seth can feel his hands beginning to shake and pulls back, praying his feelings are visible.

dean’s mouth is hanging open in ponderous uncertainty, eyes shining. “i’m usually the one doing the worrying around here.”

seth raises a brow and purses his lips in acknowledgment, recalling each time he’d stumbled back from a blow to find dean there to catch him, how many times he’d been a second too slow to stop an oncoming kick or punch that dean would take to give him time to recover.

dean’s always been the punching bag of the group, branded as a lunatic to make up for his penchant for taking the brunt of the shield’s opposition. it’s broken seth’s heart more than once to see him busted up — that fateful backstage attack that left dean’s arm pinned beneath a road case came to mind — but the thought of those wounds going deeper is enough to harden his resolve and strengthen his voice as he leans in once more.

“promise me you won’t let a script make you think i don’t need you.”

“i—“ dean stops as he takes those words in, pulling his bottom lip into his mouth pensively before fixing seth with a steady azure gaze. “can you promise you’ll let me know if i go too far? no matter what it is.”

“no matter what,” seth nods. “you’ve got me and my word.”

“and you’ve got mine.” dean lurches forward, awkwardly wrapping his arms around seth, who instinctively tucks his head into the warm crook of dean’s neck.

if things were different, if the company they represented were a bit more open-minded and a lot more progressive, perhaps this storyline could end with a joyous reunion culminating in the romantic angle execs have been scoffing at since fans first got a whiff of the chemistry between the two of them. and perhaps it could’ve extended beyond the ring, placed an actual ring on seth’s finger that matched the one that felt like a hot brand being pressed into the back of his neck.

it’s wishful thinking, but not at all unwelcome or even unusual in seth’s mind. in fact, it’s been there in the back since that first meeting eight years ago, when they shook hands and seth felt as if every step he’d taken in his life had brought him to that exact spot in a humid Florida parking garage.

it pulls at his head and heart, aching in a way only the worst kinds of torture can and so he smothers it down with a light few slaps to dean’s back. the answering wobbly grunts that come from the other man reveal that he isn’t ready to let go just yet, and seth’s once again in an all-too-familiar predicament.

he won’t let dean go. not now, not ever. but that doesn’t mean he’ll enjoy the pain that comes with holding onto someone destined for another path.

for not the first time tonight, this week, or this year, he shuts his eyes and silently prays for a reprieve from the addictive anguish that is loving dean ambrose.

***

end

[douchebagbrainwaves]

HOW ART CAN YOU WEREN'T MEANT TO PRESENT TO GET STARTUP FUNDING LANDSCAPE

Hmm, I wonder what's new online. But being lucky is the critical ingredient. Teenagers now are neurotic lapdogs. And we weren't the only ones who've noticed the change. You might get it. I have to say actually is a list of articles that are interesting.1 There was something else I wanted more: to be smart, and to work together. If you could travel back in a time machine have to be able to argue with you? It's a lot harder on stuff they like, 2 that the standard office environment is very unproductive, and 3 that bottom-up: people make what they want. Now that I've had a few, I'm relieved to find they're not as bad as I feared. There are more digressions at the start, because I'm not sure which was worse. They see increasingly aggressive measures to protect intellectual property.

We were literally in sync. You want to push forward, but at the high water mark of political correctness in the early 1990s, Harvard distributed to its faculty and staff a brochure saying, among other things, that it was being used as a label for something novel.2 You can't get it from somewhere. The answer, of course, is that it it makes it easier for startups to grow. And now I have independent evidence: the top links on Reddit are generally links to individual people's sites rather than to magazine articles or news stories.3 If the company promised to employ you till you retired and give you a pension afterward, you didn't want to have too much to do with technology than human nature—a great many people work for companies with hundreds or thousands of employees. Look for prigs, and see what you get is Lord of the Flies.4 Your prestige was the prestige of the institution you belonged to.

If it's not what you want and don't cite any previous work, and indignant readers will send you references to all the papers you should have cited. Don't ask them any unnecessary questions. Hackers are unruly.5 But there is another set of customs for being ingratiating in print that are not so harmless. They used drugs, at least, pick your battles. Imagine a kind of semantic deficit spending: they knew new things were coming, and the key to success. This is a complicated topic.6 The late 19th and early 20th centuries had been a time of business disgrace. But I think usually the shock is on one side. Hype doesn't make satisfied users, at least some cases the reason the best PR firms are so effective is precisely that they aren't dishonest.7 Even in the US, and good high schools and good universities, like the role of color in fashion, or what constitutes a good dessert, but about the forces that were pushing us together were an anomaly, a one-time combination of circumstances that compressed American society not just economically but culturally too.

We really did have the biggest share of the online store market, and 5000 was our best guess at its size.8 Startups are so hard and emotional that the bonds and emotional and social support that come with friendship outweigh the extra output lost. All the pain of whatever problem you're trying to avoid. At least, it did when people wrote about it online. But fortunately in the US, the most successful startup founders are often technical people who are supposed to be making money either. In theory it seemed that the conclusion of a really good essay ought not to need to say any more than QED. Whether or not computers were a precondition, they have no purpose.

Notes

Actually he's no better or worse than Japanese car companies have been lured into this sort of pious crap you were able to invest, regardless of how to be the least VC-like. The first version was mostly Lisp, though.

A significant component of piracy, which was open to newcomers because it made a lot of problems, and we don't use code written while you were. There is always room for something they hope this will help you along by promising to invest at a famous university who is highly regarded by his peers, couldn't afford a monitor.

One of the products I grew up with only a few old professors in Palo Alto to have the least VC-like.

I write. Parents move to suburbs to raise money, the television, the best intentions. In part because Steve Jobs got pushed out by John Sculley in a wide variety of situations, but I couldn't believe it, Reddit has had a big company CEOs in the twentieth century, art as stuff. When investors can't make up the same price as the cause.

People tell the whole world is boring. As Anthony Badger wrote, for the coincidence that Greg Mcadoo, our sense of things economists usually think about where those market caps do eventually become a genuine addict. Learning to hack is a bad sign if you have a competent startup lawyer handle the deal for the next stage tend to focus on the other reason they pay so well. Patent trolls can't even measure the degree to which it is the same ones.

Or you make, which allowed banks and savings and loans to buy your kids' way into top colleges by sending them to get to go the bathroom, and Windows, respectively. We think of the clumps of smart people are trying to focus on the x company, though I think I know when this happened because it is to give them up is the least VC-like. Cook another 2 or 3 minutes, then over the Internet, and the fucking fleas.

PR has at least guesses by pros about where those market caps do eventually become a so-called lifestyle business, and each night to make a more reserved society, or invent relativity. The Roman commander specifically ordered that he had simply passed on an accurate account of ancient traditions. In the Valley itself, not where to see the apples, they cancel out and you need to be is represented by Milton. Security always depends more on the world population, and journalists—have the.

It should be working on what interests you most. To get a poem published in The New Yorker. Hodges, Richard Florida told me they like to invest at a critical point in the other direction Y Combinator makes founders move for 3 months also suggests one underestimates how hard they work. Math is the true kind.

[knightofbalance-13]

So Did Our World.

http://dudeblade.tumblr.com/post/164590022871/rwde-theory-remnant-got-by-on-pure-luck

Look, if we’re talking about a society that says “If one person doesn’t pay their phone bill, everyone’s phone gets turned off.” then it’s a no-brainier that Remnant is basically gunning for a Darwin Award. Like, making it so that if one goes down, they all go down is to make it “Symbolic” then these guys care more about gimmick over function.

“A House Divided Cannot Stand”

Dudeblade, you cannot argue that unity is not important, especially in OUR world. If one country goes down, they all go down. Or more specifically, if one political party in our world doesn’t agree or refuses to act, our country goes to a standstill. The CCT isn’t that unlikely in our world: We’ve all done equally stupid shit.

It’s like the delibird of Remnant. It has a neat gimmick, but when someone attempts to use it for functionality, it falls apart.

Then you could say that about 90% of the world: Like  capitalism with people refusing to work hard and finding easy shortcuts, or the two patry political system where if one ppartu does nothing, we all fail, or the UN wher eif one country doesn’t act properly then it all fails apart due to setting a bad precedence as well as encouraging discord. It can’t be illogical if OUR world operates the same way and our world is the basis of logic.

“If one of us is silenced, then we are all silenced.”

- Yeah, that’s not how revolutionaries worked. If one was silenced, then the rest got louder. Do you really think that if one Colonial soldier had been killed, then the rest would have surrendered to the British?- I fucking doubt it!

you’re an idiot for think that way Dudeblade. One: A revolution does not function the same way as a society would. War is an intergral part of a revolution whereas it is destructive to society. Revolution means destroying an order whereas society is all about maintaining an order. Revolution is about tearing down whereas society is about building up. They are ANTITHESIS to one another. So no wonder you are confused: You’re trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

And Two: That’s not what it sounds like. You’re just saying that because it supports your narrative. The ACTUAL event in American history that reflects in the Civil War, in which when one person was divided, EVERYONE WAS. Because one person was in conflict with the other, we ended up worse for wear than both World Wars combined. Our country is built on the idea of unity Dudeblade: you cannot argue against it and use America as an example.

All this shows is that all you have to do to send the world into disarray is to take down ONE Comms tower. Why not make it so that only THAT region is unable to communicate, but the rest are fine?

“If one of us is silenced, then we are all silenced.”

Right. Because THAT makes perfect sense.

Divide And Conquor Vs. Strength In Unity

Humanity has always been at it’s greatest when we are united against a single foe. Our most greatest moments where when were united as one and our lowest moments where when we were divided. Take WWII for example: France fell because the Allies hadn’t united to stop Hitler in Germany and united as one against his tyranny, basically telling france to deal with it themselves. In doing so, we committed a grave mistake and was brought into a dark age. But when America was united with it’s European kin and Germany had divided itself from it’s allies was when it fell and was defeated. It was even in their very basis: The Axis powers agreed with each other on the baiscs but they weren’t united at all whereas the Allies were. 

Going onto Divide And Conquor: Roman itself became divided in it’s latter years with two Emperors who didn’t even try to work with one another along with a refusal to treat it’s citizens correctly caused so many divisions within itself to the point of collapse.  If Rome had stayed united, it could survived to today even.

Now you may ask why I’m not arguing the physical aspect of his argument: That’s because it’s like saying that each beam in a house should support it’s own weight and not support the other’s: It’s that simple to debunk showing how stupid such an intergrity wouldn’t work. but I want to get the meaning behind this symbolism through his head and explain that is way of thinking is validated by our own world.

Also, if “Negative Emotion” is what stirs Grimm-

- And for the record, https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/negative-emotions defines “negative emotion” as the following:

Then why is racism still a thing? Racism is hatred for a minority group. And would you LOOK AT THAT? - ‘hate’ is LITERALLY the FIRST emotion listed as being a ‘negative emotion.’ So why are humans idiots, and basically HATING a minority group?

Because it happens in OUR world: We are just as reliant on unity as Remnant is since while we lack the Grimm, we also lack the stuff that counter balances the Grimm like Aura and Dust so we have the same level as Remnant. We need to be united as one species and one people to survive the harshness of the world and expand beyond earth to continue to thrive and evolve and yet there are still racists, there are still homo and heterophobes, there is still sexism both ways: because humans are not rational or smart. Relaity is Unrealistic after all.

So, since apparently the writers never accounted for how having a bunch of killer demon-beasts that are attracted to negative emotion would affect society as a whole, it’s obvious that they didn’t pay attention to the 7 Deadly Sins of Worldbuilding (Something that crwby seems to need to reference a bit more often IMO).

Okay, let’s go through this list:

1. basic infrastructure They follow this by explaining why each Kingdom evolved the way, like how Atlas had to evolve quickly to adapt and survive, they did and why they relate to one another, with Mistral and Atlas being close to one another due to Mistral having a northern and cold region that could trade more easily with them than any other kingdom. With the Grimm, the world of Remnant ahs a high value on people who can move past negative emotions and keep fighting as well as glorifying the ability to move past tragedies while accepting negative emotions and taking into account the universal safety of humanity by not having Huntsmen be loyal to just their native country and thus preventing stuff like Patroitism blinding them with an emphasis on the good of everyone to enforce the idea of protecting humanity while acknowledging the individual as to prevent isolation.

2. Not explaining why things are happening now

Easy: Ozpin and his group have been fighting against Salem’s group to prevent her from destroying everything. But with tensions between the Kingdoms at a high due to their past, the heated conflict with the White Fang (which is a summation of what happens to civil rights groups accerlated) and the arrival of individuals capable of causing change both ways due to their personal strengths.

FOr specifics: Atlas is causing discourse over treating it’s Huntsman like soliders which it did as Mantle back in the Great War thus causing paranoia about them. Then when they arrived in Vale with an army, a country that had been previously at war with, it caused tensions to rise even further. This is also amplified by the fact that the White Fang conflict has reached it’ s logical conclusion of both sides being wrong and thus causing more tension with this, especially as they have been acting more akin to terrorists in their recent activities. All of this causes more Grimm to attack and cause more problems and more tensions which people will naturally take out on one another. And this is without factoring in Salem.

3) Creating fictional versions of real-life human ethnic groups, that never go beyond one dimension

While this seems like a flaw with the fanaus...the Fanaus have no native country of their own. They come from all the same places as humans do and thus following this form of rule would actually be DETRIMENTAL to the story and the message of unity. Instead of having a culture of their own which cwouldn’t make sense since they have no native country of their own, they have a united culture with the rest of humanity which supports the idea that they are equal to the humans. So in this case, this aspect is actually good for being defied.

4.) Creating monolithic social, political, cultural and religious groups.

Blake, Adam and Sun. The existence of these three shows they are following this rule. Blake is a member of the White Fang but her attitude about it differs than say Adam and Sun, whose race concerns the White Fang but is not a part of the group, has an entirely different opinion than they do.

Going into the Kingdoms: Weiss Neon and Flynt. Weiss values discipline and conformity whereas Neon embodies a lack of discipline and individuality whereas Flynt seems to take a middle ground between them.

 5) Inventing a history that is totally logical

That makes sense considering since they have Dust and Aura to combat the Grimm, their society would be closer to our world than normal. And the history is reflective of this as well: They have a massive war between two groups, one against oppression and one for it. Atlas evolving quicker than everyone else makes sense due to the need to evolve quickly but this would also cause a detachment from the world due to their geographical location being separate than everyone else. The conformity comes from their attempt at banning individual expression to attempt and combat the Grimm. This is contrasted with Vacuo which grew up in a similar environment but since they were connected with everyone else they valued individuality and wit due to that being necessary to survive in their land.

6) Not really giving a strong sense of place, like what it smells like after it's been raining.

... This seems exclusive to visual material alone but RWBY does do this with the Xiao Long home, junior’s bar, the dorm rooms, the classrooms and such.

7) Introducing some superpower, like magic or insane tech, without fully accounting for how it would change society.

They actually do this by showing that Dust and the need to combat Grimm has greatly advanced their technology in a shorter amount of time, going from regular swords to stuff like sniper scythes in a matter of a century. Dust can be woven into clothing, giving a whole new form art. The constant threat against humanity has made the society have a greater need for unity than our world but the fact that they can combat it with things that are not of our world means the need cannot be a massive one. The placement of the individual above all others comes from everyone’s individuality being a weapon against the Grimm as well as the fact that individuality promotes variety which in turn promotes growth.

RWBY DOES fulfill a lot of requirements. You just refuse to see them.

So, there are monsters that are attracted to negative emotion. This means that society as a whole should have adapted to having shrinks around to help curb those negative thoughts, have prozac and other uplifting drugs be in every vending machine, put uplifting messages everywhere, and have things (like racism) be taken very seriously to stop a negative emotion (such as HATE) attract grimm.

Is this how Remnant works? - Nope. Apparently, it’s just the same except with glorified bounty hunters there to kill giant scorpions and bears.

Except that they are still HUMAN and restricting humanity never works out well: Britan tried restricting it’s subjects and then America was born from a lot of strife, America itself tried to restrict slavery without taking into account how that would affect the economy of the South and the Civil war happened. you cannot restrict humanity without an even worse event occurring.

Not mention that negative emotions are NECESSARY to human society. Technically, by YOUR OWN definition, stuff like a fear of death, anger at the world’s cruelty and sandess at a loved one’s loss, stuff tghat drives humanity to grow and evolve, would be suppressed meaning that humanity would never get any better at fighting the Grimm who, by the way, are only ATTRACTED to negative emotion: they still kill humans even without it. SO the human race would actually die FASTER that way than they would now.

Also: What about people who are DEPRESSED? Uplifting shit everywhere would make them feel isolated and broken, even more depression and thus eventually suicide, causing depression the family and friends and thus it sprends like the plague? There is a reason why the highest suicide rate of the year is the holidays.

All in all: You except humans to stop being humans which would defeat the purpose of relatability and thus because a bad product. Taht or you don't understand how being human works.

Abusive parents should also be non-existent. They shouldn’t exist in the REAL WORLD to begin with, but why would they exist in a world where sadness (an emotion caused by being abused) would stir a two-headed giant snake and bring it to your door?

But they exist anyway in the real world, showing that LOGIC doesn’t apply to these people. Thus, why would the Grimm affect their actions, especially as the person who would get killed by a Grimm is the person they are abusing, someone they obviously don’t care about.

And considering that jealousy is also a thing that is described as a ‘negative emotion’ is also a thing (See: The Faunus being jealous over the preferential treatment that humans get over them), why aren’t Faunus treated better?

Same with the real world and same answer: People are assholes and stupid.

Nothing makes sense in this world. The society that was described shouldn’t be the one that we see. We should be seeing drugs like the ones from We Happy Few. We should be seeing people getting angry being tranquilized, and carted off before they cause any trouble like in that Justice League episode A Better World.

Which would cause more negative emotions, which causes more tranqs, qhich causes the cycle over and over again.

And funny how you bring up We Happy Few because guess what happens in that world? A pregnant woman is beaten to detah because everyone had bad memories of her pregnancy and did that instead of, you know, processing and working through their problems? almost like suppressing emotions is fucking stupid and counter productive.

Why aren’t stress balls basically like cigarettes? And SPEAKING OF NARCOTICS, why is alcohol a thing? - Alcohol has been proven to change a person’s mood on a dime. It would be deadlier than a nuclear bomb, considering that A, it would make everyone unable to function properly to really do anything; and B, the resulting mood swings would make the grimm show up faster, and since people are plastered, they wouldn’t be able to defend themselves. And if you want proof about the detrimental effects of alcoholism (And I hate the fact that I have to provide proof of this in the first place), I have a screenshot from here.

http://truestressmanagement.com/do-stress-balls-work/

Stress Balls Are Not A Permanent Solution!

Another important point that Dr Posen makes is that stress balls aren’t a long term solution to stress.

That’s why.

And not EVERYONE drinks. In fact, drinking is obviously seen as a bad thing in Remnant considering how Qrow is looked down upon for drinking but, again, banning won’t work unless you want prohibition which would cause more stress and therefore more Grimm.

So this should all be common knowledge, but since a certain ‘knight’ claimed that I was making leaps of logic, I have to provide scientific proof that Remnant as a society, shouldn’t be able to function in the way that we’ve seen. You can’t just have a society where everyone has a different random superpower,  but keep it the same as the real world with a few minor details changed. It DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.

And then science history and common logic outright contradict you and side with the details in RWBY you “conveinetly” forget to mention. They can function the way we’ve seen due to the fact that their world isn’t that far removed from ours due t0o the counter balancing of Dust and Aura Vs. Grimm as well as the fact that history has shown that people do act this way in the past present and future and since our world exists, Remnant can exist. All you did is prove you lie, show you don’t understand how to human and completely ignore the elements of the show that counter balance this problem just to bitch.

Logically speaking, if Remnant was like our society but still had the Grimm and other threats, it should have been wiped out long ago. The fact that it survived THIS long means that they think that having good hunters is enough to keep society sustained as a whole. And as we saw in the Volume 3 finale, it WASN’T.

because the events of volume 3 was TOTALLY naturally occurring and not caused by outside forces *cough* SALEM *cough*.

They were lucky the last few years. It had nothing to do with skill, it was ALL LUCK.

No, this conclusion has everything to do with giant leaps in logic, ignoring basic elements of humanity, ignoring the psychologal of people and ignoring the real world. KA if you took one minute to look at our world, you’ll see that 90% of Dudeblade’s so called proofs that Remnant shouldn’t exist apply to OUR world which means that so long as we and extension HE exists, he is invalid.

[mittensmorgul]

I've had some anons who have been concerned that this episode is heralding a return of the codependency dynamic, but I think that’s leaving out a huge part of what 12.09 was hammering home, and completely ignoring what that experience was for Dean.

We encountered this exact same difficulty with 11.17, Red Meat. For my money, that episode was a HUGE turning point for Dean, and I was shocked that so many people seemed to react to it negatively, believing that it was only reinforcing the codependency, because I saw it as the exact opposite, and I have talked about that fact AT LENGTH. I mean, see pretty much my entire 11.17 tag for reference purposes. If you don’t have time to wade through all 

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/150593470245/if-you-think-that-there-was-any-growth-for-dean (which is pretty much summed up with the quote “Maybe try watching it again without the presumption that the show is trying to show you the absolute worst version of everything.”)

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/142206972625/mittensmorgul-i-watched-1117-again-today-and

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/142033546845/im-rewatching-the-episode-just-to-point-out-some (which is literally 4k+ words on the episode)

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/142551724425/winjennster-gillasue345-winjennster

I mean, there’s more, but I’ve got other stuff to do today besides rehash 11.17... :D

But saying that Dean called Billie in with the sole intent of sacrificing himself to save Sammy? THAT’S ERASING PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING WE KNOW ABOUT DEAN’S CHARACTER GOING ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE PILOT EPISODE FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF FORCING YOURSELF TO FEEL ANGRY AT THE SHOW.

So, maybe own that, internalize it, and then look at the ENTIRE text in context without cherry-picking the details that support the negative argument you’re trying to make.

(sorry if I sound a bit angry/wanky there, but some of my anons are clearly coming from a place of deep anger about this issue, and it’s just not what I saw in that episode, or with Dean, AT ALL, so... yelling at me isn’t gonna change reality)

Let me explain.

From the pilot episode, Dean Winchester has been the Official Poster Boy for Abandonment Issues. He’d been fine hunting on his own for a while. He was hurt when Sam left the family to go to college, but Dean carried on hunting with John. At some point, knowing that John was hunting and Sam was safe at Stanford, Dean was content to hunt on his own, BECAUSE his family was still accounted for, even if they weren’t physically present in his life. The thing that drove him to finally beg for Sam’s help? The fear that John might’ve been injured and/or killed on a hunt. THAT was what Dean couldn’t face alone:

Dean: I can’t do this alone. Sam: Yes, you can. Dean: Yeah, well... I don’t want to.

Dean 100% thought he was going to go looking for John and find his body. He couldn’t face that alone, despite having been hunting on his own for a while by that point. It was the loss he couldn’t face alone.

Over the years, the ONE THING that has frightened Dean the most has been ABANDONMENT. BEING ALONE IS DEAN WINCHESTER’S #1 FEAR AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN. PERIOD. THE END.

I’d pull references for this fact, but it was essentially the driving force of the entire series, so, may I direct you to like every episode of Supernatural ever...

Dude stoically stared down Lucifer and shot him in the face. He walked alone into a pizza parlor and shared a slice with Death. He went into a diner having prepared himself to let the Mother of all Monsters BITE HIM in order to kill her. He, a human being, was the most terrifying thing in Purgatory, to the point the monsters whispered scary stories about HIM.

He’s not afraid of anything. Except being alone with himself.

To Dean, there has been no greater threat, no more terrifying fate, than what Amara proposed (and what Billie proposed) in s11. The Darkness, The Empty. They both essentially amounted to the same thing. Both were coded as metaphors for depression, suicide, annihilation of self.

Literally they were threatening him with the complete annihilation of his soul. These things were held up like a mirror to Dean in 11.17 and again via his extreme isolation in that prison cell in 12.09.

The prison cell was as close to the Empty as we could possibly put Dean without actually rending his soul into nothingness. This was absolutely lampshaded by Agent Camp’s little speech from the promo clip, when he was explaining exactly how he intended to torture Sam and Dean. (lucky me, I’m about 2/3 done with the transcript of the episode. This is unedited, but largely complete.)

I don’t believe in torture. Doesn’t work. Oh, I’ve seen folks waterboarded, cut on. And they talk. Ooh, they do. But they never tell you what you need. You know what does work, though? Every time? Nothing. [Sam looks up at Camp at that] CAMP: See, when I leave, that door closes, and it stays closed, [scene shifts back to Dean] and you stay in the dark. Now, maybe that doesn’t sound so bad. [Camp moves so he’s leaning down in front of Sam] CAMP:  But after a month? [scene shifts to Camp leaning identically in front of Dean] A year? You spend enough time staring at these walls, just you and all that nothing, [shift back to Sam] you’ll get so crazy to talk, to see someone real, you’ll tell me exactly what I need. You’ll tell me with a smile. [Shifts back to Dean] CAMP: It’ll just take some time. [Camp leans back against the wall opposite Dean again with his arms crossed, with multiple shifts back and forth to Sam and Dean] Of course, the thing is, after what you did, no one’s in a hurry to get you that phone call. So you and me, we got all the time in the world. [Sam’s cell door slams shut and we see him flinch, Dean’s cell door slams shut hiding him from view]

We saw Sam flinch twice-- first at Camp’s use of the word “Nothing” to describe the method of torture he preferred, after describing waterboarding and cutting. THIS was what got Sam’s attention. Sam’s experience of being locked away, potentially for an eternity, was closer to what Camp described before, with the constant physical torture. Because THAT was Sam’s idea of torture. Yes, we’ve seen him endure it with a hearty SCREW YOU, but this isolation is something Sam is at least a little more psychologically prepared to accept than his brother is.

Because to Dean? Isolation is literally worse than his experiences in hell. Worse than 30 years of being tortured by the most accomplished torturer the universe has ever seen. And then 10 years of torturing others in turn... which to Dean ended up being even WORSE than actually BEING tortured.

Also, what was Dean’s first experience upon arriving in Hell? What was his Welcome to Hell reception area experience?

UTTER ISOLATION! BOUND BY CHAINS! COMPLETE LOSS OF FREE WILL!

Let’s not forget the shot where we reached this point by zooming into Dean’s eye until it blurred with the chains and nothingness inside his own mind... I’m sure that wasn’t a metaphor for Dean’s psyche or anything...

THIS. IS. DEAN’S. PERSONAL. HELL.

Throughout s11, Dean was confronted with these themes in the form of his guilt over the previous season and a half while dealing with the Mark of Cain. This emptiness, the absolute TERROR of the Loss of Self... I mean... going back to 10.09, this was literally his nightmare. Loss of self to the darkness of the Mark. It was his horrifying train of thought while talking to Len in 11.05 about what it was like to have lost his soul.

And Dean’s literal nightmares over the course of the entire series have revolved around loss, loss of self, and abandonment.

Can you begin to see why Dean broke first in the muggle version of The Empty? Locked away, alone, with nothing for company but his looooong history of guilt, depression, and abandonment issues? With nothing to break up the monotony but the thrice daily shout of CHOW TIME! and a screw to etch eternal hash marks into his concrete box?

THIS WAS EFFECTIVELY THE WORST THING THAT DEAN COULD EVER POSSIBLY IMAGINE HAPPENING TO HIM, SHORT OF UTTER OBLIVION.

I mean, in comparison, the Empty sounds pleasant. At least he wouldn’t have to EXPERIENCE all that nothingness, because he would’ve ceased to be.

THAT BOX WAS WORSE THAN HELL TO DEAN WINCHESTER.

I already replied to another anon shortly after the episode aired, and touched on this there:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/156426851620/i-was-reading-your-post-about-the-back-seat-and

One line I used in that reply was this: “Frankly, if Billie had said no, I think Dean would’ve probably just told her that he was done, and to just go ahead and take him. Period. End of deal. He would’ve given up.”

He would’ve preferred the literal Empty to staying in that concrete cell for one more CHOW TIME!.

Dean. Broke.

It had fuck-all to do with Sam. Well, it probably had a little bit to do with Sam, because heck, if Dean was going to throw in the towel, why not get something for Sam out of the deal in the process?

Go back and watch every Dean scene after they escape from the prison, with the knowledge of all the details of the deal Dean made with Billie. Because DEAN made that deal. Sam was just along for the ride. Dean was 100% in charge of that deal, and he fully intended to be the one to pay the price for it.

That entire run through the jungle was his last hurrah. It was Purgatory Dean on his Where’s the Angel quest all over again. Like, literally.

It was a culmination of every time Dean’s gone full “I’m on the clock so I’m gonna throw myself into the world as hard as I can until the world manages to take me out.” From s3′s cheeseburgers-for-breakfast and baiting-vampires-for-kicks, through s6′s raid on the vampire next, to s7′s kamikaze run on Dick Roman, to his 9.11 demon fight in Cain’s kitchen, to his end of s10 revenge against the Stynes, to handing himself over to Death in 10.23, to swallowing a soul bomb and flinging himself at Amara in 11.23. (luckily he chose to use his words instead of detonating himself, right?)

CASTIEL WAS THE ONLY PERSON DEAN WANTED TO SEE AGAIN BEFORE HE DIED ONCE AND FOR ALL.

He NEEDED Cas to show up and find him. He didn’t tell Cas about his deal, and Sam kept pressuring Dean to talk about the deal, but Dean just kept saying “later.” As if there was really gonna be a “later” for Dean.

He’s a man of his word, and I’m certain his intention was live up to the bargain HE CHOSE TO MAKE with Billie.

Notice he couldn’t even look Cas in the eye when they found him in the woods. Dean. Couldn’t look CAS in the eye.

(how many fanfics have centered around the fact that Dean stares back at Cas just as much as Cas stares at him? and here he can’t even meet Cas’s eyes? AT ALL?! AFTER SIX WEEKS OF FEAR AND ISOLATION AND WORRY AND SADNESS AND ANGST?!)

Because Dean knows this is it. This is the end. The looks on his face there are of a broken man.

And then Dean sees Mary. One person he neither expected to see, nor had any idea how to deal with in that situation. I think HER presence there is what made him hesitant when Billie showed up to collect her Winchester.

In the car, when the clock struck midnight, Sam called “It’s time.”

Dean was sitting IN THE FREAKING BACK SEAT. WITH CAS.

At Sam’s statement, Dean sneaks a heartbreaking glance at Cas, who slowly understands that Dean has Done Something Terrible in order to have escaped that prison. The look Cas gives him is even more heartbreaking. Dean can’t even bear it, and so looks away... (borrowed from @k-vichan‘s post here)

Okay...

The one variable Dean wasn’t counting on was MARY being there. Because she stepped in front of the bullet that he’d intended to take himself. Her mere PRESENCE there added about 10 layers of PROBLEMATIC for Dean, because he could live up to the deal he’d made and say his goodbyes to Sam and Cas... they’ve lived that scene before... but Mary’s presence was a wild card. Her presence was a spanner in the works, a deviation from what Dean thought was The Perfect Plan.

Dean had NO IDEA what Cas had been suffering through in his absence. He had NO IDEA that Cas would call Mary in for backup, because CAS couldn’t handle rescuing Dean alone. He’d been fucking up simple vampire hunts, because he’s been so depressed, isolated, and alone (just like Dean...). He couldn’t risk fucking up Dean and Sam’s rescue (because in Cas’s opinion, that’s all he was able to do.. mess things up and get in the way).

Dean also had NO IDEA that Cas and Mary would involve the BMoL (hello consequences of shady deals!).

Gah. I mean, there was just SO MUCH here. I should probably shut up.

So saying Dean did all of this just for Sammeh, because brodependency? Is essentially erasing the entire character of Dean Winchester, and the earth-shattering significance of everything that happened in this episode.

Because no. Just, no.

[roseamongroses]

W.A.L: “The Last Supper” (27) (i)

s u m m a r y

Eden was the lowest of the low, a monster, hardly human, and was set to be executed. Roman was on trial, perpetually stuck in time until it was time to atone for his families sins.Neither cared much for staying trapped.So when a Stranger offered freedom, offered peace, offered power, it was hard to say no.Even if it put them on the wrong side of history.

v i b e s

time is irrelevent, homophobia who?, magic and beasts, demigods

w a r n i n g s

Imprisonment, Mentions of execution, Blood/ injuries,  Mentions of past Death, repression, cursing, some  dissociation

c h a r a c t e r s

Deceit(Eden) Sanders, Remy Sanders, Logan Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Patton Sanders, Roman Sanders, Emile Picani, Elliot, Kai, Lauren, Dot

Ship: Roceit

1) (2)   (3)  (4) (5)

(6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11)

(12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (17)

---

Janus spent his break relearning.

He relearned what it felt like to rest.

He ignored the sun’s rise, feeling his body’s relief. He relearned how it felt for his muscles to be simply sore without the adrenaline of training clouding his senses. He relished in the sluggishness of the early morning, Roman curled at his side, only really waking up when hearing their rough, sleep heavy voice.

He spent his break patient. He listened to the brats argue until Mrs. Sanders kicked them outside so she could do her accounting in peace. He listened to the babble of Roman’s sisters as they bossed and questioned him with seemingly no qualms about what might or might not be seen as rude.

They apparently didn’t like calling him Deceit and had taken a liking to refer to him as Mr. Snake, which also spurred a number of inside jokes that he didn’t understand--including calling him slimy. Janus had to stop himself more than once from just telling them his actual name just to stop that nonsense.

He spent his break...well catching up with Roman.

Janus hadn’t realized how often they would have to stop or avoid talking about certain things because something would always come up. Janus generally had to train the brats while Roman had to watch his sisters and help out around the house. Even when they had free time, The Stranger's traning had gotten more exhausting, leaving Janus mentally and physically checked out most of the time. Roman, despite his medication helping with his physical ability to withstand his magic, still had nausea, fatigue, and anxiety attacks-- sometimes getting to the point where they couldn't take care of his sisters much less spend time with Janus.

But for once… all of that wasn’t stopping them, as if for a brief moment the universe let them breathe.

So Janus was patient when Roman was describing his boundaries, as Roman described the myriad of peculiar or dangerous things that had happened when he decided to get intimate before. And in turn, Janus did the same.

And on his last day of his break, he spent his time relearning Roman’s body.

---

Janus knew he would have to leave soon, yet he found himself lingering.

Roman curled into him, their transparent wings twitching every so often--still overly sensitive from being touched. The blankets cradling their smooth expanse of skin, just barely hiding the trail of pink flowers dotting around their legs and disappearing between their thighs.

Janus knew he had to leave, but before he did he wanted to do literally anything else. So he sat up slowly scooping up and slipping on his discarded clothes, feeling the moon’s glare on his neck and Roman’s faint touches on his skin. He had to leave.

He stood, forcing himself not to look back, but the bed creaked causing Roman to stir.

Hearing their intelligible voice, Janus caved.

Roman had kicked off the blankets, face scrunched up as he pawed at the empty space beside them. Janus sighed, pulling the covers back onto him, and before he could think he found himself pressing a kiss to their forehead.

Pulling away, his breath caught, “You’re awake,”

Roman opened his eyes, a small frown on their face, “You were leaving,”

“I have to get back to training,” Janus explained, soft. And even though he knew that it was the truth, it felt as heavy as a lie, “I’ll be back in about a week,”

Somehow Roman’s frown got deeper, “Why didn’t you wake me up?” he said sitting up, the blanket pooling around his waist.

“If I did I wouldn’t have been able to leave,” Janus admitted.

“Then don’t.”

“I,” Janus’s mind blanked. That sounded too easy when Roman said it, “I can’t do that,” he said, “I have to Roman. I made a deal. Without The Stranger I’d probably be in jail somewhere rotting away or dead,”

Roman tilted his head at the new information, “And how did you end up there?”

“Alle-” Janus froze. Instead of the village people’s stare as he stumbled through town half dazed and still covered in blood. Instead of Eden’s mangled and beastly body dissapearing into the woods--Instead of Virgil being swept way in the river, all he could think of was--

Blue eyes.

“It doesn’t matter,” Janus gritted, suddenly angry, “I have to leave,”

Roman hugged his arms, “You….You don’t have to do anything,” he said, “I get that you have a deal but...this is too much. Every time you leave with him you come back worse. I…”

“That’s easy for you to say, “Janus inhaled, “Roman even after your life went to shit, you still managed to get everyone you cared for back. You still had people who cared. I don’t have that, and I won’t as long as I’m like this. If I have to suffer a bit to get it then…”

Roman’s face looked shattered, “...I care about you,” he sniffed, wiping his face.

“...I know,” Janus swallowed, “It’s just, “I’m not en--”

“Don’t,” Roman’s teary eyes narrowed, fist balling at his sides, “If you weren’t enough I sure as fuck would not have gotten into a relationship with you. And even if you were that doesn’t mean you’re less deserving of love,”

“I’m not looking for…” Janus blinked hard, “ I’m not looking for love. I’m becoming more,” he said, voice not quite his own.

“Please…. don’t leave.”

Somehow he found his body moving towards the door, the doorknob burning underneath his hand, “I’ll be back in a week,” he murmured bile rising in his throat as he left, Roman’s pleas distant in his ear.

Everything was distant.

It was only when he was standing outside of the door did a foggy thought drift into his head that he didn’t want to leave.

Janus didn’t want to do this. He wanted to turn back around and ignore every promise, every deal he’s ever made. He didn’t want to keep becoming he just wanted to be. Be alive, be loved, even if that life felt like shit sometimes, he was so desperate to make it better because for once that life was his.

It was only when his world went black did he realize that he didn’t have a choice anymore.

---

It had been about a week and you could say that Roman was still upset.

He didn’t mention Janus’s absence and continued on with his new life. He played and cared for his younger sisters and let the brats do whatever they want. He laughed when he was supposed to laugh and avoided Lauren’s careful prodding with the ease expected from a practiced liar. You wouldn’t even have noticed the faint trail of ashes that tended to follow him or how he spent a bit too long in the shower.

So you could say he was still upset, but ultimately he was fine. He was functional and sometimes functional was enough. This was…

Roman shut the door, leaning against it with his eyes shut tight as he inhaled sharply. He swallowed thick, feeling that all familiar panic seize him with every breath. It wasn’t that he couldn’t focus on calming down, but there was so much to focus on. The way raindroplets sliding down the bedroom window, how tree branches rattled outside, the constant fucking whirring of technology everywhere, and heartbeats--so many heartbeats but none of them Janu--

Roman opened his eyes startled, “Dot?” he rasped, staring into the darkness head of him, “When did you get ou-- how?”

Dot sat on the bed, legs crossed--only the faint reflecting of her unblinking eyes visible. Otherwise, her glimmering skin seemed to lay hushed in the shadows. “Dear, have you been taking your medication?”

Roman bit his lip, “Yes, but that doesn’t--”

“All of it?”

“U-Yes?”

Dot made an odd sound comparable to an exhale, but it felt like reluctance, “It would seem that Sanders should be stable enough,” she echoed to herself. Her wings drooped uncharacteristically low as she stood up, “I guess I’m not killing that man after all,”

Roman became distinctly aware of another presence in the room, one without heartbeat or shape, “What’s going on?” he demanded fumbling with the door behind him, flinching when instead of the door handle he felt the hands of The Guard wrap around his arm, feeling both tight yet nonexistent as they restrained him.

Roman struggled, air turning into ice as The Guard lifted him up, “Let me go,” he snarled, feeling the house shake as he forced the distant storm to wrap around the house.

The Guard’s laugh was booming, not terribly phased, “Oh he is an Heir,” he said, somehow holding Roman up higher, “He’s so cute, are you sure we can’t keep him?”

Dot shook her head, wrapping the shawl around her shoulders tighter as she flipped out a phone, “Larry, he’s not a toy,” Larry made a whimpering sound and Dot made a chirping one in return, “I did try, but He was rather adamant about keeping the pair together,” she frowned as the windows burst open. A blackened branch crashing inside with a deathly ease, “I wouldn’t advise that dear,” Dot said, sidestepping it's initial strike, “He did give us a beta version of the curse to use if you became difficult,”

“Like I give a damn,” Roman choked, only increasing his struggling, “I’ve gotten out of it before,”

Dot hummed, phone still at her ear, “But your father didn’t,” she commented, “Nor did your brother,” at that Roman spat at her, “And they were very powerful men, though not terribly creative like you are. Power can only get you so far after all,”

“Is there a point to this?” Roman scoffed.

“Still so impatient,” Dot tutted, approaching Roman with the casualty you usually do not expect from someone inches away from being crushed to death, “But the point is if some very powerful Sanders can’t physically handle the curse, what do you think would happen to humans? Especially with something as volatile as a beta version of the curse?”

And like that, the tree was gone,.

Roman’s panic had only surged, “You wouldn’t,”

“I don’t want to, but I’d have to,” Dot corrected, softly patting Roman’s face, “Please don’t make this any more difficult, darling. I’d love to see you in one piece after this,”

Roman jerked his face away, blinking back his tears, “Fuck off,”

Aleseners didn’t emote like humans did, but for a brief moment Dot looked pained.

And in the next moment the world went white.

---

A nameless shifter wakes up, hot metal pressed tight around their wrists and mouth bound with an unwashed rag. Their skin was slick, an uncomfortable heat lingering around their form. Their eyes throbbed with a clear, burning ooze still dripping from them.

A breeze blew through the air even though there wasn’t a window in sight.

They looked up, seeing the same Stranger from before.

It was time to try again.