#YOU CAN SPOT LAURENT AND DAMEN

[nasthepotprincess]

let’s discuss that when laurent carries damen’s weak side in the sword fight against the clansman, it’s because a bunch of evil men are getting fucking railed by beautiful, strong women riding beautiful, strong PONIES!!!!!!!! LIKE WHAT MORE COULD I HAVE ASKED FROM THE LITERATURE GODS?!?!?

[winmance]

Swipe Right for Family Discount!

Damen looks at himself in his rearview mirror one last time, repositioning his hair correctly and checking his teeth to make sure no salad has gotten stuck into it. He’s not usually this stressed before going on a date, but he’s also not usually that interested. He hasn’t told Nikandros yet, refusing to see the disapproval on his friend’s face, but he thinks this may be it for him. He’s been talking to Laurent for less than a week and yet, he already can’t think of anything else. Every second of his day is spent thinking about him and even when he’s sleeping, his brain finds a way to bring Laurent in his dreams. Which is crazy, considering that today will be the first time meeting him.

Laurent is the one who chose the restaurant, and his choice surprised Damen, but he didn’t think much about it. Looking back, he probably should have questioned Laurent about choosing a family place for their dinner, but you don’t know what you don’t ask.

It doesn’t take him more than a few seconds to spot Laurent in the restaurant. It feels like a movie when the music starts to play and everything goes in slow motion. His hair is so blond that the light seems to reflect on it. His blue eyes are on Damen in an instant, deep and cold. He’s not wearing expensive clothes but he’s in all black, with not an inch of skin showing. He’s the most beautiful human being Damen has ever seen and he hopes Laurent is going to like him because there’s no way Damen will be able to live knowing that such beauty walks on Earth.

The slow motion stops the moment someone steps into Laurent’s personal space.

At first Damen frowns, until he realizes it’s a kid and then he thinks the boy must be lost but then - then Laurent’s eyes leave him and focus on the boy and he doesn’t seem to care that the boy is so close to him, that their feet are touching.

That’s when Damen realizes something is wrong.

“Hello Damen,” Laurent says.

“Hello Damen,” the boy next to him repeats.

“Hey, I… uh… You are…”

“This is Nicaise. My babysitter was sick. It says on your profile that you love kids.”

“I’m a kid,” the kid says.

“I do,” Damen says. “Nice to meet you. Both of you.”

He loves kids, yes, but on his first date? He’s not sure. Laurent’s profile didn’t mention a kid. Let alone a teenager. He’s not the best at math but even if Laurent had the kid at sixteen, it still would be impossible for him to be this big.

A normal man should have run. In fact, Damen is pretty sure that if he could google “What does it mean if your crush brings their kid that they didn’t tell you about to your first date?” he would find out that this is one of the biggest red flags ever.

But Damen is not a normal man and so he leads the way to their table and he pulls out the chair for both of them. Nicaise giggles while Laurent barely smiles. Damen tries to blame it on stress, but they’re barely two minutes into their date and Laurent is already holding his head, looking extremely bored, which is strange because they talked so much by text that Damen thought the conversation would go smoothly.

“I watched the show you talked about,” Damen says. His throat feels tight with how tense the situation is. “Into the fire? The documentary about the missing girl.”

“You did?”

Laurent seems surprised and for a few seconds, he even lifts his head to look at Damen.

“Yes. It was really good.”

“I thought you didn’t like true crime documentaries.”

“Yes but you said you liked it, so I thought I should watch it too.”

“Can I watch it?” Nicaise asks.

“Absolutely not. Do you hear me? It’s a no.”

“You may be a bit too young for that,” Damen says, and then he realizes he has no idea how young Nicaise is. He’s pretty, like Laurent, with big blue eyes and curly dark hair. He’s small, though, and slime. Damen has never been like that. He went straight from toddler to Viking, as his father used to say. At six, they were already dressing him with twelve years old clothes.

“Did you watch it illegally?” This time, the question is directed to Laurent. “So I can’t watch my favorite anime because it may give us viruses, but you can? You know that you can go to jail for that? And let me break it to you: orange is not your color.”

Damen never spoke like that to his parents and if he did, he wouldn’t be here to tell anyone about it. He should feel offended but he can’t, not when Nicaise’s words make him want to laugh.

“It’s on Netflix. He probably watches it here,” Damen says, trying to help.

“We don’t have Netflix anymore. The neighbor used to allow us to use his account but with their fucking new setting it doesn’t work anymore. Thanks fuck we can still use their WiFi!”

“Langage Nicaise,” Laurent says. “I watched it with Jord last weekend. Nothing illegal here.”

Damen has to force himself not to react. It would be disproportionate to make a fuss about a guy named Jord, who could very much be Laurent’s grandpa. In fact, he’s probably his grandpa. If Laurent forgot to tell him about his kid, he may have forgotten to tell him about his grandpa with whom he likes to watch true crime.

“Do you have Netflix, Damen?” Nicaise aks.

“I do, yes.”

“And Amazon Prime?”

“Yes.”

“What about Disney+? HBO?”

“Uh, yes. I think I got all of them? There was a deal when I bought my TV.”

Nicaise nods, as if taking notes, before focusing back on the menu in front of him. For some reason, Damen feels like he just gained some points and he smiles before turning back to Laurent, who’s looking at him with a frown on his face. He seems tense and Damen would like to blame it on the fact that it’s their first date, but he has a feeling it’s not it. There’s a hole in Laurent’s sleeves and he keeps playing nervously with it. It’s really cute.

“I read the book you mentioned,” Laurent mumbles. “I didn’t have anything to do.”

“Did you like it?”

“It was adequate.”

The book is one of Damen’s favorites. He read it when he was twelve and the loss of his mom was starting to creep into him. It’s a beautiful book about grief and he’s aware that only someone who had lost someone they deeply loved can appreciate it.

“You cried while reading it,” Nicaise says, his eyes still down on the menu.

“I did not.”

“Yes, you cried like a big baby and then you were like, all emotional and telling me that you loved me. It was disgusting. Damen, don’t recommend that kind of book again.”

“Notes taken. What should I recommend then? What kind of books do you think are appropriate for Laurent?”

“Erotics books.”

Damen bursts into laughter at the same moment Laurent shoves Nicaise away, his face turning a dark shade of red.

“What? It’s true! That would do you some good!”

“Focus back on your menu. You are not a part of this conversation.”

“We should order, actually,” Damen says, trying to distract Laurent again. “What does Nicaise eat?”

“You can ask me directly, you know,” Nicaise says.

“Oh yes, sorry. What do you want to eat?”

“I don’t talk to strangers.”

Laurent, having already forgotten the kid, can’t help but smirk and Damen is a weak man, so he does the same. He has a weird feeling in his stomach, something warm and familiar. He has to restrain himself from reaching out to hold Laurent’s hand.

“He’ll have a burger with extra bacon and a diet Coke.”

“Good choice,” Damen notes. “And you?”

“Cesar salad.”

Damen has never once ordered a salad while at the restaurant and he’s not surprised to see it’s the cheapest meal here. It does look good, sure. If you eat it while waiting for your burgers. Still, he’s smart enough to understand why Laurent chose it, and even smarter not to comment on it.

“I’ll take the burger too. They have onion rings and chicken wings that seem absolutely amazing so I think I’ll start with them.”

“You’re having all of that before your burger?” Laurent asks.

“Yeah, that may be a bit excessive… Would you be ok eating them with me?”

Laurent’s stomach is quicker to answer than he is, the noise reaching their ears before Damen’s sentence is even over. This time, however, Nicaise doesn’t laugh when he looks at his father and instead, a complex expression booms on his face.

“If you don’t mind…”

“Nah, I won’t be able to eat it all anyway.”

Damen quickly orders for them and they finally fall into an easy conversation after that. Nicaise helps a lot, throwing shades at his dad every time he can, and at some point, Damen thinks he insulted him but he’s not sure that he got it quite right. He hadn’t realized just how old he was until that moment, but apparently young people these days seem to have a whole new language.

“You should download TikTok,” Nicaise tells him. “I’ll send you videos to help you get some culture.”

“You’ll not,” Laurent says.

“Why?”

“It’s inappropriate.”

“Ugh, find. Damen, can I have your phone please?”

“Nicaise, that’s not-”

Damen unlocks his phone and gives it to him. Laurent looks at him as if he has grown a second head and it occurs to Damen that yes, giving your phone to a fourteen-year-old (Nicaise had told him he was eighteen to try and get a beer, to which Laurent had replied while pointing his real age) was quite dangerous. But he doesn’t care.

“Here. I added Laurent’s TikTok. He doesn’t post anything of course, but he’s always sending me those really not funny videos that I’m sure you’ll love.”

When they were texting, Laurent had told him he was not on social media. No Instagram, no Facebook and certainly no TikTok.

“Can I get a follow-back?”

“I… Yes.”

After sending a deadly stare at Nicaise, Laurent takes out his phone. The screen is broken and the phone seems like an old version of the one Damen has, but Laurent is still able to navigate through it, and like promised, he adds him on TikTok.

They get distracted again when the food finally arrives and after some convincing, Laurent helps Damen in eating all the things he ordered. It’s a nice family scene, Damen realizes. It looks like they’re just two regular dads eating with their teenage son who can’t keep his eyes off his phone. It’s domestic, the way they easily fall into silence without it being awkward. From time to time, Laurent will look at him with that weird expression on his face, but then he stays quiet or tells Nicaise to focus on his food. Each time, Damen smiles at him. Now that Laurent is more relaxed, he’s exactly like in his texts: sarcastic in a funny way, shy but not too much, interesting, and passionate when Damen finds the right subject. He loves true crime but also The Office. He lived in France for a while but has never been in another country outside of that. He works in a library, something he hadn’t told Damen before but that makes so much sense. He doesn’t talk about his family but when Damen talks about Kastor, both Laurent and Nicaise agree that he’s an asshole, which makes Damen laugh. They’re almost done eating when Damen realizes that he’s in deep trouble because there’s no way this was a one-time thing.

“So Damen,” Nicaise says once he finishes his burger. He cleans his mouth with the back of his sleeve, which earns him another complaint from Laurent. Unlike his dad, his clothes seem new. “What are your intentions towards Laurent?”

Laurent chokes on his water but Damen keeps it cool. He was expecting this question, for some odd reasons.

“They’re nothing but pure. Anything he wants, I’ll give him.”

There’s that deep blush on Laurent’s face again but he doesn’t say anything. They finish eating in silence, but it’s a comfortable one and when Damen’s fingers brush against Laurent's own, he doesn’t reach out but doesn’t push his hand away either.

Once it’s time to pay, Damen doesn’t let Laurent take his car out and immediately pays for the whole meal.

“You didn’t have to.”

“I did say in my bio that I was old school, didn’t I?”

They agree on a walk along the docks after. The air is fresh but not cold, just enough to make Damen sleepy. Next to him, Laurent shivers, which is no surprise because despite not showing any skin, his clothes are way too thin for the season. So of course, Damen takes his jacket off and throws it on his shoulders.

“Thank you.”

“Of course. I can’t imagine what Nicaise would do to me if I let you get a cold.”

Laurent smiles fondly.

“He’s a bit protective, sometimes. But he’s a good kid.”

“He is, yes,” Damen agrees. “Do you do that a lot?”

“Do what?”

“Bring the kid to a date so that you’ll get dinner for free. I’m not complaining, just so we’re clear. I had a really good night.”

Nicaise is in front of them, running after some poor birds to make them fly. Damen understood pretty fast during their date that he was just part of a scheme to get free food and while it did hurt his ego a bit at first, he can’t complain. Not when the night is so nice and Laurent is so close to him.

“I only did it once or twice,” Laurent admits after a while. “It’s not… Money gets tight sometimes and it’s fun. We’re not hurting anyone. The two times we did it, the men paid for the meal but didn’t stay with us. They kept apologizing but couldn’t stand to even try and have a conversation with us. It was laughable, I swear.”

“So you never mentioned Nicaise to any of them before the date?”

“No, but to be fair, you’re… I didn’t talk a lot with them, even through texts. We just chatted a bit and then they wanted to meet me right away. So it was easier to pretend like the question didn’t come up.”

“And with me?”

“I didn’t expect us to talk this much.”

There’s a strange feeling of pride booming inside of Damen’s chest and he’s smiling like a teenager, but it feels right to do so.

“You were not really looking for a boyfriend then?”

“No,” Laurent says. “I’m… I was not.”

“And now?”

Laurent stays silent for a while but his cheeks are red and he’s playing nervously with his hands. Still, when he turns towards him, his face is neutral.

“It was a great night.”

“It was,” Damen agrees.

They stopped walking some time ago. They’re standing in front of each other now, Nicaise’s presence not far away but not close enough to disrupt them. Damen won’t kiss Laurent, not now, but the way they’re looking at each other is better than any kiss he ever had.

“So, tomorrow at the same time?”

“I will have to bring Nicaise.”

And this time, he does seem sorry about it.

“Ah. See, it’s a bit awkward but it’s actually Nicaise I wanted to see… He’s really funny. But you’re free to tag along, of course.”

This time when Laurent laughs, he does so with all his chest and it’s the prettiest sound Damen’s ever heard. Well, almost, because then Nicaise, who has apparently been listening to the conversation, laughs too and the sound they make is the one Damen will be playing in his head on his deathbed.

“I want to eat sushi tomorrow,” Nicaise says. “Also, can we go and watch a movie before? There’s a new horror movie -”

“No horror movie for you.”

“What? You’re the one who gets scared! Not me! I’m sure Damen can hold you close so you don’t piss your pants.”

“Yes,” Damen says, “I’ll hold you close. Both of you.”

Damen has never been very lucky with love. He had a lot of girlfriends, including Jokaste, but none of them he felt deeply connected with. He loved them, to some extent, and they probably loved him back, but he always felt like he was searching for something else. Like his heart was made for more, and yet it always refused entry to any of the girls he dated. Like he had been made to love, fully, without any restraints, but without ever being able to do so. He remembers lying in bed with Jokaste and feeling like a fraud for not loving her more. He had thought that maybe something in him was broken. That his mother’s death, his father’s cold love, and Kastor’s hate had broken something in him, making him both craving and refusing love.

The moon is up in the sky. The stars are shining. Nicaise is taking a selfie in front of the water. Laurent’s hand is in his. And he thinks, for the first time, that finally his heart feels complete and opens.

Nikandros is going to give him so much shit for this.

[sassyqueeny]

Top 10 Sad Captive Prince –Moments

I haven't found something like that yet, so I just did it:

In the Captive Prince trilogy there can found many moments that make the readers just feel bad for some of the characters and arouse pure hatred for other characters. It wasn’t easy to rank the situations and maybe, reading this list in a time, I would change a few things myself. Or maybe I missed some moments. But I tried my best to consider everything. So that’s just my personal opinion and everyone can feel free to have another one. If you haven’t read all three books to the end, this is probably full of spoilers.

10. Who was stronger

I really couldn’t decide if No 10 goes to the girl in the attacked village who wished someone would have been stronger than Damen or to one moment Damen talked about about Auguste. But somehow, these scenes are related and so I put them both here.

The first moment I’m talking about:

After the attack of a village that should not just blame Damianos but also separate Makedon and his men from Damens troop, Damen went to see one girl of the village to tell her that he would get revenge for what happened to her people.

The girl didn’t like it though, she still blames Akielos and doesn’t want to hear anything Damen had to say.

“It wasn’t fair what happened to your village,” Damen said to her. “No fight is ever fair. Someone’s always stronger. But I’ll give you justice. That I swear.”

“I wish Akielos had never come to Delfeur,” said the girl. “I wish someone had been stronger that you” (KR 171)

Think about it. Who could that someone probably have been? Auguste. But what would that have meant?

Then, there is the other moment I was talking about. After Damen had beaten Laurent in a fight. At this particular moment, I really hate Damen. Actually I don’t, but hearing Damen talk like that was just unfair.

“I know,” said Laurent, “that I was never good enough.”

Damen said, “And neither was your brother” (KR 137)

Later Damen admitted that he really wasn’t fair to be like that and that Laurent didn’t deserve this. But what makes me really mad was that Damensaid that even if he wasn’t stronger than Auguste. Just in that particular moment. And for a good reason. We don’t know who’d have been stronger, if Auguste hadn’t been fighting for hours already.

And here we go again. Maybe Auguste would have been stronger. We can't say for sure. But that in return would have meant Damens death (we clearly don't want that, either). And all of that just because their kingdoms are at war.

Laurent once said, they’d liked each other.

9. Laurent’s realisation

Laurent is a very smart character. So, when he admitted when he finally realised that the Regent really wanted him death, it’s kinda sad. I’m sure one part of Laurent already knew, but it also shows that Laurent still had a blind spot for the Regent until he poisoned Laurent’s horse and sent killers for him.

Of cause Laurent actually must have known that his uncle would go that far. Otherwise he wouldn’t have ditched his dutys at the border or suspected his uncle in the first place. But part of him just didn’t want to believe it until this moment... Pretty late, especially for Laurent, who doesn’t trust anyone in the first place.

“I didn’t think he’s really try to kill me,” Laurent said. “After everything... Even after everything.”

And the end of that quote even gives something else away. And that blind spot for the Regent is also seen in the other of the Regents boys. Even stronger.

8. Aimeric’s Betrayal

Aimeric, soldier in Laurents army and son of one of the most loyal of the Regent’s councillors, was thought of someone loyal to Laurent. He took more than one beating protecting the prince’s name from the Regent’s men. Even bigger hit the shock when Aimeric finally revealed why he actually joined the Princes guard. To cause trouble, maybe get some information and betray Laurent in the best possible moment.

“I can deny anything I like,” said Laurent, “in the absence of proof.”

“He has proof. He has my testimony. I saw everything.” (PG 257)

This isn’t quiet it, because this puts Jords (probably most trusted member of the princes guard) loyalty and feelings to the test. He was the one who fell for Aimeric and even covered his absence right before the boys betrayal.

Another effect of Aimeric’s betrayal is that Orlant (killed by Aimeric for being a traitor) really was the one who tried to protect the prince and his guard. Oh, he was a good friend of Jord, by the way.

“Orlant,” said Laurent, “didn’t deserve to die alone on the sword of a self-serving aristocrat he thought was a friend.”

“I know that,” said Jord. (PG 311)

7. Nicaise’s Farewell

Nicaise already knew he wouldn’t see Laurent again and and that this goodbye was for good. He knew the Regent wanted to kill Laurent, he just made the mistake to believe the Regent wouldn’t kill Nicaise himself.

“I remember the offer you made me. Everything you said then was a lie. I knew it was,” said Nicaise. “You’re leaving.”

“I’m coming back,” said Laurent.

“Is that what you think?” (CP 242)

6. Laurent’s internal struggle

Of cause we know that Laurent hated Damen for killing his brother, and probably blaming Damianos of Akielos for anything elsoe that he’d been trough. Who could blame him for that? But the more time Laurent spends with Damen, the more he noticed that Damianos isn’t the man Laurent thought he was.

And that made everything worse. But let Laurent explain it himself:

“I hated you. I hated you so badly I thought I’d choke on it. If my uncle hadn’t stopped me, I would have killed you. And then, you saved my life, and every time I needed you, you were there, and I hated you for that, too.” (KR)

This probably happens when you want to give in and trust a person, but on the other hand you hate the person for a very good reason.

5. Aimerics Death

Here we finally learn why Aimeric did what he did in the first place. What makes his whole betrayal even worse. It’s not, how Jord thought, that Aimeric was loyal to his family. Laurent confronted Aimeric with the fact that Aimeric was one of the Regent’s lovers, too, and manipulated by him.

“Why do you think my uncle asked you to whore yourself out to a common armsman before he’d deign to touch you? That’s what he thought you were good for. Screwing my soldiers. And you couldn’t even do that right.” (PG 318)

That’s why he finally killed himself. Of cause, Aimeric made a big mistake, but he clearly didn’t deserve death. And he clearly didn’t deserve to kill himself just because he could neither make it up to the Regent nor to Jord.

“I’m sorry, Jord”

They were the last words anyone would have from him. He had killed himself. (PG 361)

We’d like to have seen how Aimeric could have made amends, helped Laurent fight the Regent and Jord forgiving him. But he didn’t get the chance.

4. Marlas at night

When they were at Marlas, of cause Laurent had to visit the place where Auguste dies. Augustes death is the reason everything happened to Laurent the way it did and for Laurent, everything had been about Auguste. As a child he was his hero and growing up the one thing he wanted most was taking revenge for his brother’s death. And being where Auguste took his last breath must wake every bad memory in Laurent.

Auguste’s death itself just doesn’t belong to this list because it happened six years earlier and wasn’t in the book (only in Damens memories). “Here was the place where he had killed the last of the Prince’s guard, and came face to face with Auguste” (KR 113) Otherwise it would have been going straight up to the top of the list.

But seeing Laurent standing at the place where his brother died really is a heartbreaking moment that belongs here. Even more when Damen (Augustes killer) showed up and offered Laurent, to be there, as a friend.

Damen said, “I thought you might want—“

“Want?”

“A friend” said Damen. (KR 114) How must that feel for Laurent?

And that’s still not enough, because Damen (just meaning well) started talking about his fight with Auguste and how Laurents brother died. Maybe not a good timing but it gives the moment it’s heavy impact.

“He died well,” Damen made himself say. “He fought better than any man I’ve known. It was a fair fight, and he felt no pain. The end was quick.” (KR 115). And you can’t really argue about Laurents response to this:

“A fair fight?” said Laurent, turning back to him. “No fight’s ever fair. Someone’s always stronger” (KR 117) It was a well chosen statement because Laurent brought it up a little while after that conversation. But he is right. The fight wasn’t fair. Auguste was fighting for hours already while Damen came fresh from the Akielon tents and just made his way through the Prince’s guard straight to Auguste. Who knows if Damen would have won under other circumstances. And don’t take me wrong, I wouldn’t have liked that, either. But it’s something to think about.

But as if this isn’t sad enough, there is so much more in this moment. Damen and Laurent kinda talking about their night together. And this conversation, especially Damens statement, is a huge clue to another sad fate Laurent has to deal with.

“No. You fucked like a virgin,” said Damen, “half the time. The rest of the time—“

“Like I knew what to do?”

“Like you knew what you were used to” (KR 115)

Of cause it’s Damen and he doesn’t have a clue what he was talking about, but still, all of that happened because Laurent was mourning Ausguste’s death, wasn’t it? Well chosen place for this conversation and to make it even harder to read.

3. Nicaises Death

With Nicaises death, Laurent lost his little brother (Yes, not by blood, but still), too. The herold, who told Laurent that he commited treason and should stay trial in PG, just brought Nicaises head along and told Laurent this was a message from the Regent. “The soldier pulled the bag away from the severed head. [...] But it’s tumbled brown hair was dressed with star like pearls, and from the shape of his face, you could see that he has been beautiful” (PG 356) This hurts in many ways.

First of all, Nicaise is death. A character who shows us Laurents past and (even if he would never say so) cared for Laurent in a way. “Don’t tell him I came” he’d said. They’d had always, from the beginning, had a strange affinity. “This one pleaded for you” (PG 357)

Then the way Laurent acts and the things he said. Of cause Laurent never showed his real emotion and it’s hard to know what is on his mind. But those cold words hurt, even if you know that Laurent really liked Nicaise.

“You can tell my uncle boykiller, he can cut off the head off every child from here to the capital. It won’t make him into a king, it will simply mean he has no one left to fuck” (PG 358)

Other words Laurent used were “my uncle’s catamite” or “my uncle’s whore”. I can’t remember him using Nicaises name in that situation. Probably he doesn’t even know what to do with his feelings. But he finally showed what was really on his heart when he was alone with Damen.

“I’m sorry, I know what Nicaise meant to you.”

“He was my uncle’s whore” said Laurent.

“He was more than that. You thought of him as—“

“A brother?” said Laurent. “But I do not have terrible good luck with those.” (PG 366)

In my opinion this quote alone is pretty dark and sad, isn’t it?

Other hints that Laurent was mourning Nicaises death were released when Damen saw Nicaises earring after the boys death, that Laurent had held in his hand (PG 372) and that Laurent still thinks about Nicaise later (KR 276).

Another sad fact about Nicaises death is how Laurent blamed himself for it. There was nothing he could have done about it. He couldn’t have taken him along, but he still feels responsible.

“You’re right. I killed Nicaise when I left it half done. I should have either stayed away from him, or broken his faith in my uncle. I didn’t plan out. I left it to chance.” (PG 373)

And finally, think about that: Nicaise died alone “But in the end, the only person on his side was him” (PG 374), not knowing that the Regent got what he deservend and Laurent won. Probably he was even convinced that Laurent would lose this war and die in the first place. Pretty heavy knowledge for a 13 year old boy.

2. Kingsmeet- Damen realises

Even if Damen could have known sooner, because there were many hints (some even from Damen himself), he finally saw what the Regent did to Laurent (Another sad fact that happened before the book). The Regent told him on purpose, and Damens reaction was planned. He drew a sword in Kingsmeet, the place in Akielos where violence is punished with death imeadeatly. Damen kinda knows that he killing Auguste set that whole butterfly-effect in motion. And in this situation it goes even further because the Regent used Damens realisation to get his will and Laurent sacrificed himself for Damens life.  So even because of his own crimes the Regent gets his way again. This is really hard to believe because we really understand Damens anger right there. And even worse, there was a point Laurent knew exactly it would happen that way.

“Damen, get out,”said Laurent.

“No” said Damen. “He’s just a man.”

“Damen” said Laurent.

“No” (KR 285)

“He wants you to leave,” said the Regent. “Aren’t you curious why?”

“Damen” said Laurent.

“He has knelt for me”

The Regent said it in a calm, matter-of-fact voice, so that it didn’t penedrate at first. It was just a collection of words. Even when Damen turned, to see crimson on Laurents cheeks like a stain. And then the meaning of those words began forcing all other thoughts.  (KR 286)

So Laurent knew what was going to happen and tried to prevent it by sending Damen out, but of cause Damen wouldn’t be Damen if he just left Laurent alone with the Regent. And the Regent pushed it even further.

“I probably should have turned him away, but who can resist when a boy with a face like that asks you to stay with him? He was so lonely after his brothers died.” (KR 389)

So, we really can understand Damens reaction and that he didn’t even thought about his attack against the Regent. To be fair, it was the only reaction that made sense for Damen and his loyal and caring character. And of cause, his shock of the guards just letting that happen is understandable, too. Even if this is Kingsmeet.

“You all heard him, are you going to let him do this?” (KR 389)

1.Laurent actually believes he is worthless

The Regent does everything to ruin Laurent’s reputation over and over again. He cuts him off his supporters and makes the council and the Regent’s men believe that Laurent is a traitor to Vere and the crown and that the only thing his nephew deserves is execution.

But that’s not the worst thing about it. Laurent comes to the point where he really believes that he failed his brother and is worthless and alone. And of cause that plays in the Regent’s hand.

“I didn’t understand that he was fighting alone, and that he had been fighting alone for a very long time” (KR 307) was what Damen said at Laurent’s trial. This shows how much the Regent had cut Laurent off everyone he could trust.

“It was clear from the open look of horrified recognition on Laurents face that he hadn’t expected Damen— that he had not expected anyone” (KR 303) Another proof that Laurent really believed he was alone. And who could blame him? He had to ecpect treason even from his own men. Who wouldn’t feel lonely in this situation.

Laurent didn’t believe in himself, that’s shown when he sacrafices his own life first for Damen’s (not Damen’s) kid “Laurent was expecting me. He is here to give himself up for the child” (KR 284) and then for Damen “Laurent hadn’t brought Loyse to clear his own name, but to clear Damens” (KR 317). He had given up on himself and just tries to get the best out of it for Damen.

“Seeing Laurent’s shocked face, Damen realised that something had happened that Laurent hadn’t imagined.” (KR 323) when the Council finally showed Laurent loyalty. That’s proof that he had given up already.  And he did this probably a long time ago.

When the herald blamed Laurent for treason and told him to stand trial in KR, his reaction showed this, too. “Laurent said nothing, an uncharacteristic silence, and Damen saw the subtle signs, the tension across his shoulders [...]” (KR 184)

But I’d push that even further. There’s another quote that probably shows us that Laurent thinks he’s worthless:

“´You’re not good enough. You would have come for revenge, and I would have killed you. That’s how it would have been between us. Is that what you would have wanted? `

´Yes,` said Laurent.”(KR 137)

So Laurent just wanted revenge for Auguste, we knew that. What’s new there is that he knew that he’d probably die trying. And this is exactly what nearly happened at the end of the triology. Just that he changed the enemy. It wasn’t Damen’s death anymore that he wanted. He wanted to protect Damen and give his life for that. Because that was the only thing he considered his life worth for. And this is in my opinion the saddest moment or better parted into moments in the books.

[softness-and-shattering]

So I've been reading the captive prince trilogy by c s pacat, over the last few days. im beginning of book 3 now. and I just have to say the book is building it up to this big reveal of Laurent doesnt know Damen's true identity and is going to be so devastated and betrayed etc when he find out. (side note, of fucking course their names are Damen and Laurent. It would only be more on the nose if they were both vampires or something. anyway) But just. you CANNOT tell me that Laurent didnt figure it out months ago. That he hasnt been asking himself the whole time who the fuck this slave is who behaves nothing like a slave who is an incredible fighter he scarcely believes could be subdued to begin with to be taken captive. Laurents main trait as a character is his intelligence. Over and over and over again. the mind games he plays with his uncle and all the plans in layers of traps. Youre telling me he hasnt worked out Damianos the prince is his slave like at least 6 months ago? You think he didnt ask Nik...andros? Nick. You think he didnt ask nick of delphi some casually leading questions? Im this far in. But if we get an honest "I never guessed big strong slave Damen is really the dead prince damianos im so betrayed" Im .....I cant even throw the book because im reading digitally. but I will be very frustated . Heres hoping the author throws in a twist because unless you can convincingly convince me Laurent has a huge blind spot when it comes to Damen, which im not sure that there's groundwork for....yeah. Also I know these books are ~controversial~ ie very kinky in ways not everyone is comfortable with. Thats fine. Dont come at me about it. No living humans were harmed. No ones making you read it. If it does sound interesting to you, probably look up some content warnings.

[tototalks]

Here we are, the last short story! I have absolutely adored this entire series and short stories, and will probably be re-reading in the near future!

Without further ado: ⚜️ The Adventures of Charls, the Veretian Cloth Merchant ⚜️

- I really like that Veretians and Akielons are adopting each other’s fashions with the merging of cultures… Akielons are still rejecting the sleeves though. I bet “to reject the sleeves” or to “have no sleeves” becomes some kind of dirty euphemism later down the line. 😂

- Laurent and Damen really are leaders that give back to their people and don’t put themselves on a massively high pedestal. If they want to run away for a bit and be Cousin Charls and Lamen, they’re gonna do it. The council are going to have such massive headaches for the entirety of their reign lol

- And Charls is such an MVP for carting around the King of Vere masquerading as his cousin who is also called Charls 💀

- It will literally never not be funny to see Charls NOT figure out who Damen is.

- It will also literally never not be funny when Charls starts to get suspicious and comes to a conclusion that is also wildly wrong. “He’s a merchant’s assistant!” 😮

- Credit to Damen for playing along. Were he not born a royal, this kind of life would suit him.

- Laurent and Damen sneaking off before the ascension is also fantastic. At the end of the day they’re both just people and enjoy freedom and adventure.

- No one was gonna tell me Damen has a dimple?! This is crucial information people!!

- “Wow, Lamen’s clothes suck and he’s clearly poor, but damn his Veretian is great!”

- Damen there trying to defend Charls surrounding the rumours he was deceived and Charls literally just tells him to stfu 💀

- Makon. We’re gonna have problems. Your seams? Wonky. Your fabric? Low quality. Your business? Dodgy. You are talking smack about the literal blood-related cousin to the King of Vere. They are a FAMILY.

- Every time Laurent uses his snakey qualities for good, an angel gains its wings. Undercutting Makon for the fabric was so satisfying, and everyone handled that with more grace than I would have. I would have literally laughed in Makon’s face.

- I really like the implication that Laurent has a soft spot for animals, horses especially, and generally creatures that are innocent (children included). Makes Damen’s gift super special, and this horse poisoning scene really sad 😢

- And in all the chaos, Damen is still finding time to flirt. Priorities.

- Another detail I adore is that Charls notices clothes before he notices physical appearance. He’s far more likely to say “the guy in the poorly woven woollen cloak” than “the guy with brown hair.”

- Laurent really hit the jackpot with Damen and the scary dog privileges that came with him. Someone need only tip a drink on this man and Damen’s started a whole bar fight.

- Also. Totally real that Akielons and Veretians still hold animosity between one another even after the merging of the kingdoms. Integration doesn’t happen overnight.

- This bar fight is everything. Damen is there absolutely murking everyone he sees and Laurent is ducked behind a table tossing olives and stealing lamb legs. Play to your strengths I guess!

- I can picture exactly no situation in which geese could make it better. Evil cobra chickens.

- We have adopted Alexon. He’s invited to the wedding.

- “A Prince’s hands are for refinement” I bet Charls and Damen keep this as a running joke even after everything is out in the open. Laurent lifts a pea and he’s like “Lamen! The king cannot possibly!!”

- If I was sat in disguise around a campfire with some borderline strangers and they started talking about my sex life, I’d simply ✨pass away✨. At least it was all good things and no scandalous rumours about Nikandros teaching Laurent how to wrestle 💀

- Seven hours? That’s cute. He barely survived one with Halvik’s girls 💀

- ALEXON!! Be the kind of nepo baby that uses their status like this.

- Literally need an entire book of Damen and Laurent sneaking out undercover in disguise to free slaves and bring down those trading them. ‼️📢Bring back the blue dress 2k24‼️📢

- Love that Charls always takes the opportunity to mention how strong and young and virile Lamen is, and how him and Laurent must be fucking like rabbits. Which, to be fair, is not too far from the truth lol

- It hurts my heart that the conversation Damen has with Charls could have happened with Auguste or Laurent’s father had Damen had the opportunity to court Laurent like he wanted.

- Laurent in gold looking absolutely ethereal at his coronation. That’s the post.

- HE FINALLY FOUND OUT 😂 WELCOME TO THE ROYAL FAMILY CHARLS!! You definitely know who’s getting to make the wedding trousseau 😉

This entire series has been an absolute ride, and thanks to everyone who’s shared in my (annoying) enthusiasm 😂 AO3 will be my new home, and any fic recommendations are 100% welcome! Love y’all! ♥️

[kybelles]

I have a feeling that if your Laurent was made to choose between whether he would have survived Auguste or Damen in the battle of Marlas, he would have definitely chosen Damen despite all the pain he would be spared if he chose Auguste, but he would have done it because he couldn't live an eternity without Damen as his husband :,) Ok, I need to sleep.

hello lovely 💕 you’re spot on, the laurent in my fics would choose damen in any universe under any circumstances and i firmly believe this is how it goes in canon as well! there are many clues in the text tell us that no matter what happens, laurent’s adoration for damen is a non-negotiable element. 🥺

canonwise there is no doubt that laurent loves auguste sooo much but at the same time, what is he if not a romantic at heart? he’s not going to live for his brother forever, he’s going to follow his heart and be with the man of his dreams! remember that part where he and damen were discussing the peacetime au?

notice how it says your sleeve? damen’s sleeve, not auguste’s. he literally admits he would chase damen as a child and be jealous of auguste that damen was getting his attention. 🤭 also it’s always worth noting that laurent was ready to sacrifice himself AND his kingdom for damen without an ounce of hesitation. once they solve the issues between them, it is shown over and over that damen is the dearest being of laurent’s life.

honorable mention: this lovely moment from tsp 🥹

laurent losing everything including auguste and gaining damen, and willingly making that trade, except it causes damen to lose everything and go through that pain too… he can accept his own pain but not damen's. he would do it but he knows damen also had to lose everything for them to meet and he hates that damen suffered… i dare you to name a more romantic man.

[merrivia]

We all know that Damen being gifted to Laurent was the Regent's true misstep, and that Damen was exactly what Laurent needed in every way (to heal his heart and to win his throne). But I love how bad a mistake it truly was, and how there was actually no way the plan would have worked.

Firstly, the Regent underestimated Laurent’s cleverness, his cool minded Machiavellian wiles had duped his uncle, as Laurent clearly used spies etc.,. to keep an eye on Akielos and Damen without the Regent knowing, so he could recognise him. And secondly, and more importantly, the Regent underestimated Laurent’s goodness, that he still had a moral code, and that he hadn’t succeeded in corrupting Laurent- because even if Laurent hadn’t known that Damen was Prince Damianos the plan still would have failed, as he would have let him go, something we find out in King's Rising ("You hate the idea of slavery. It turns your stomach.’ Damen said it, a flat statement of truth. ‘If I’d been anyone else, you would have freed me on the first night.’").

I’m working on a huge meta on Laurent and one thing that was saddening me was how well the Regent knows him, that for a novel and half it seems, he is the person who knows Laurent best.

Somehow this does give me solace that the Regent always underestimated him. Maybe this is the Regent’s true blind spot, because it was so alien to him. That’s also why he couldn’t predict that Nicaise would steal the letter to try and help Laurent, that Laurent would sacrifice himself for Damen and that Damen would then do the same for him, that Loyse would put her child before her husband and social status, and Paschal would finally stand up and tell the truth….that people can be inherently good, and make the right choice in the end. And that’s what leads to his downfall.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

prince's gambit highlights & annotations

chapter 12

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

Laurent gave Damen a long, pensive look and said, eventually, ‘Yes, the trap is closing and there is nothing else to be done.’

context: sarcasm. he would never admit this if it was true

An hour put several miles between them and the rest of Laurent’s men, and that was when Laurent pulled on a rein and circled his horse around Damen’s briefly; he was watching Damen as though he was waiting for something. ‘Think I’m going to sell you to the nearest Akielon troop?’ said Damen. Laurent said, ‘I’m quite a good rider.’ Damen looked at the distance that separated his horse from Laurent’s—about three lengths. It was not much of a head start. They were now circling each other.

i can’t tell if they’re genuinely questioning each other, or playfully proposing a race. honestly with them it’s probably both

also, do you think their horses are tired of their bullshit? do you think they’re falling in love too?

Relaxed in the sunlight, Laurent watched him approach, as one expecting an arrival welcome and familiar.

this is such a sweet moment. i hope nothing happens to interrupt it

It would feel so right to rejoin them, to emerge from the grey maze of Veretian politics, and return to something that he understood: the simplicity of knowing his enemy, and facing a fight. He turned. Laurent was watching him. He remembered Laurent sizing up the distance between two balconies and saying, ‘Probably,’ which, once appraised, had been enough for him to jump. He was looking at Damen with the same expression.

moment of truth damen!

He could take Laurent down the hill and deliver him into Akielon captivity. The desire to do that thrummed in his blood. Nothing was standing in his way. Damen pressed his eyes closed briefly. ‘You need to take cover,’ Damen said. ‘We’re inside their scouting lines. I can ride as lookout until they’ve moved on.’ ‘Very well,’ Laurent said, after a heartbeat passed with his eyes watching Damen steadily.

YAYYYYYYYY

He had to be cautious—not only for Laurent’s sake, but also his own. He was wearing Veretian clothing. Under normal circumstances, an encounter with an Akielon outrider would not be a threat to a Veretian. At worst, there would be some unpleasant posturing. But this was Makedon, and among his forces were the men who had destroyed Breteau. To men like that, Laurent would be a prize beyond measure.

wait damen i thought we were talking about your safety, not laurent’s. oh well

Damen returned to his horse, mounted, and picked his way carefully along the wide, rocky stream bank to the shallow cave that, to his searching eyes, appeared empty at first. It was a well chosen spot: the entrance was hidden from most angles, and the danger of discovery was low. An outrider’s job was simply to ensure the terrain was clear of any obstacles that might impede an army. It was not to check every crack and crevasse on the unlikely chance a prince might be squeezed in there. There was the dull rattle of hooves moving on stone; Laurent emerged from the shadows of the cave on horseback, his manner carefully casual.

he knew where to find him <3

Do you think I’d get on well with Nikandros of Delpha?

foreshadowing

The idea of Laurent let loose on the political landscape of northern Akielos did not make for appealing thoughts.

foreshadowing

‘I wouldn’t have to tell them you were a prince to sell you to that troop.’ Laurent held his ground. ‘Not really? I would have thought twenty was a little grown up for that. Is it the blond hair?’ ‘It’s the charming temperament,’ said Damen.

Though the thought existed: If I took him with me to Akielos, he wouldn’t be given as a prisoner to Nikandros. He’d be given to me.

if you’re curious about that scenario, damen, allow me to introduce you to a little website called ao3

(is there a fic about this happening at this specific point of the story? if not, there should be. they’ve built up their relationship so much and, if in character, damen would be mostly concerned with keeping laurent safe. kind of a like a reverse book 1 situation.)

If the tactic didn’t occur to Kastor, it would certainly occur to Jokaste.

i think they should give her an official role in the government. not that i like the akielion government. i just think she deserves a seat with all the other shitty people

Laurent said, ‘To get what you want, you have to know exactly how much you are willing to give up.’ He was regarding Damen steadily. ‘You think your delightful Lady Jokaste doesn’t know that?’

so laurent has totally figured out that jokaste specifically betrayed damen and sent him to vere. this is an underhanded reference to that. also this is a pretty good hint that laurent Knows

There was only one thing he could do. As the spray of water sheared up from under his horse, he hefted his sword, changed his grip, and threw. It was, emphatically, not a throwing weapon. It was six pounds of Veretian steel, forged for a two-handed grip. And he was on a moving horse, and many feet away, and the man was moving too, towards Laurent. The sword drove through the air and took the man in the chest, ramming him into the ground and pinning him there.

not the yeet of death...

‘I saw you fall.’ Damen heard the rough sound of his own voice. ‘Are you hurt?’ ‘No,’ said Laurent. ‘No, you got to him.’ He had pushed himself up into a splayed sitting position. ‘Before.’

i love this reaction. he’s dazed and in shock. he doesn’t elaborate on the “before.” it’s like he’s giving a status report, or at least trying to deliver it as such

Concerned with the possibility of injury, he was only distantly aware of Laurent looking back at him.

laurent might have just fallen a little tiny bit in love with you, damen. also literally fallen. ouch

‘Can you stand? We need to move out. It’s not safe for you here. Too many people want to kill you.’

and that’s a wrap on damen being reluctant to protect laurent! it’s down bad 24/7 pretty much from now on :)

He was staring at Damen.

damen: are you okay?? we've gotta get out of here

laurent:

‘I’m sorry,’ said Laurent. Then he said, ‘We can’t leave him here.’ He wasn’t talking about the horse. Damen said, ‘I’ll do it.’

this is an interesting contrast to the scene in book 1 where laurent remorselessly makes damen hold a guy so he can slit his throat. here, laurent apologizes. here, he says “we.” here, he doesn’t force damen to do it. and here, damen voluntarily does what needs to be done, so the recently-attacked laurent doesn’t have to.

When it was finished, he walked out of the undergrowth and found a place to clean his sword.

craft note: i like how this is written around the central action, instead of just naming the action itself. like it’s not just “so he killed the guy.” pacat tends to do this with sex, too.

It meant sharing a horse.

and there was only one horse…

Laurent’s gelding had a limp, which Laurent, on one knee, drawing a steady hand down its lower leg until it pulled its hoof up sharply, pronounced a sprained ligament. It could follow on a lead carrying the packs, he said. It couldn’t carry a rider.

horse girl laurent! saving this horse to make up for the one his uncle poisoned and forced him to mercy-kill in book 1!

So Damen swung into the saddle. A moment later he felt Laurent’s hand on his thigh. Laurent’s toe nudged into the stirrup. Laurent pushed up behind him, shifting until he was snug in position. His hips fitted unselfconsciously to Damen’s. Once he had settled, he clasped his arms around Damen’s midsection. Damen knew this about riding pillion: closer, it was easier on the horse.

LMAOOOO have fun with that guys

He heard Laurent’s voice from behind him, a little more oddly strapped-down than usual, ‘You have me over the back of your horse.’ ‘It’s not like you to give up the reins,’ Damen couldn’t help saying. ‘Well, I can’t see the way over your shoulders.’ ‘We could try some other arrangement.’ ‘You’re right: it should be me in front and you carrying the horse.’

this is adorable because they’re both very clearly flustered and not even bothering to hide it. they’re just bantering to avoid addressing it. laughing at the absurdity of the shared circumstances and their bodily reactions. it’s cute. they’re cute.

The horse’s rolling gait pushed their bodies together in constant rhythm.

i have never before considered the inherent eroticism of riding a horse with another person.

do you think their sexual tension freaks out the horse? do you think damen’s horse, who i’ve now decided is in love with laurent’s horse, is relieved that its injured partner has been brought along? are the horses qualified to file hr complaints, if damen and laurent get too weird with this? these are important questions.

Damen was aware that Laurent was taking more time with the horses than was necessary or usual. He ignored it.

this might be a strategy thing somehow, but i also think it’s sweet if laurent just takes comfort in the company of animals and is trying to make himself feel less shaken up after his near-death experience and the most sexually tense horse ride in recorded history

He would never know what had provoked that man to attack. Maybe he’d been thinking of the safety of his troop. Maybe whatever he had lived through at Tarasis or Breteau had stirred violence in him. Maybe he had just wanted to steal the horse. A third-rate soldier from a provincial troop; he would not have expected to meet his Prince, a commander of armies, and face him in a fight.

damen really did kill one of his people. damn. and he’s trying to be empathetic, because he’s damen, and that’s what he does.

‘I thought killing was easy for you,’ said Laurent. His voice was rather quiet. ‘I thought you did it without thinking.’

translation: are you okay?

‘I’m a soldier,’ said Damen, ‘and I have been for a long time. I’ve killed on the sawdust. I’ve killed in battle. Is that what you mean by easy?’

translation: i know i should be okay

‘You know it isn’t,’ said Laurent, in that same quiet voice.

translation: but you aren't

‘I know your feelings towards Akielos,’ said Damen. ‘What happened at Breteau . . . it was barbaric. I know it must mean very little to you to hear me say that I’m sorry for it. And I don’t understand you, but I know that war will bring worse, and you are the only person I have seen working to stop it. I couldn’t let him hurt you.’ ‘In my culture, it is customary to reward for good service,’ said Laurent, after a long pause. ‘Is there something you want?’

yeah guys this fireside heart-to-heart is totally all business. 100%

‘You know what I want,’ said Damen. ‘I am not going to release you,’ said Laurent. ‘Ask for something short of that.’ ‘Take off one of the wrist-cuffs?’ said Damen, who was learning—he realised somewhat to his surprise—what Laurent liked. ‘I give you too much leeway,’ said Laurent. ‘I think you give no more or less than you want to give, with anyone,’ said Damen, because Laurent’s voice had not been at all displeased.

what the fuck is wrong with them. i love them so much

(also, laurent not releasing damen is like a safety matter right now, right? for both of them, honestly, and their men. it's not like a flex of power.)

‘There is something I want.’ ‘Go on.’ ‘Don’t try to use me against my own people,’ said Damen. ‘If it comes to—I can’t do this again.’ ‘I would never have asked that of you,’ said Laurent. Then, when Damen looked at him with flat disbelief: ‘Not out of sweetness. There is little sense in pitting a lesser sense of duty against a greater one. No leader could expect loyalty to hold under those circumstances.’

1) i love this little hint of the “laurent is sweet” theme we see later on

2) the immediate certainty of “i’d never make you do that” really shows the real laurent, in a way we’ve rarely seen before. it’s like damen and the reader are finally being let in to the truth of him

3) “There is little sense in pitting a lesser sense of duty against a greater one. No leader could expect loyalty to hold under those circumstances.”

translation: i know that if you had to choose between me (the lesser duty) and your people (the greater one), it would be insane to expect you to choose me.

this reminds me of nicaise and laurent. as much as laurent tries to convince him otherwise, nicaise believes that laurent will always choose something more important than protecting him. neither of them expects anyone to stay by their side, or advocate for what they want and need. so they push people away instead and convince themselves that they’re meant to handle things alone.

‘I’ve never seen a throw like that,’ said Laurent. ‘I’ve never seen anything like it. Every time I see you fight, I wonder how it is Kastor got you in chains and onto a ship to my country.’

his big stupid heart

He had never, in those days, sought to put himself inside the mind of Kastor, of the men around him, their ambitions, their motivations; those who were not openly his enemies, he’d believed, were basically like himself.

NICE VS. GOOD THEME CENTRAL REALIZATION!! “those who were not openly his enemies, he’d believed, were basically like himself.” but here he is, having killed one of his own countrymen to protect the person who should be his worst enemy, reeling with the uncomfortable reality of his nation’s cruelty and forced to confront its victims. knowing, more and more every day, that he shares more values with laurent than he ever has with kastor or jokaste.

‘He poisoned my horse,’ said Laurent. ‘You saw her, the morning of the hunt. She was already feeling it, even before we rode out.’

something about laurent referring to the horse with “her” instead of “it” breaks my heart. he must have loved her.

‘That . . . was your uncle’s doing?’ The silence stretched out. ‘It was my doing,’ Laurent said. ‘I forced his hand when I had Torveld take the slaves to Patras. I knew when I did it . . . it was ten months to my ascension. Time was running out for him to make a definitive move against me. I knew that. I provoked him. I wanted to see what he would do. I just—’ Laurent broke off. His mouth twisted in a small smile that had no humour in it at all. ‘I didn’t think he’d really try to kill me,’ he said. ‘After everything . . . even after everything. So you see I can be surprised.’

what a huge re-contextualization of book 1. laurent hadn’t expected this consequence of his choice to honor damen’s request, but he had suffered it in silence instead of blaming damen or regretting the choice itself.

damen and laurent’s arcs both deal heavily with the idea of suffering alone—who’s doing it better, who deserves to do it, if they even need to suffer alone when they could suffer (and succeed) together instead. i’ll keep pulling at that thread as the reading goes on.

Damen said, ‘It’s not naive to trust your family.’ ‘I promise you, it is,’ said Laurent.

you guys are on opposite sides of a scale here. it’ll be good when you start balancing each other out

But I wonder, is it less naive than the moments when I find myself trusting a stranger, my barbarian enemy, whom I do not treat gently.’ He held Damen’s gaze, as the moment lengthened. ‘I know you’re planning to leave when this border fight is done,’ said Laurent. ‘I wonder if you’re still planning to use the knife.’ ‘No,’ said Damen. ‘We’ll see,’ said Laurent.

that laurent response is soooooo nicaise :’(

also, going from “whom i do not treat gently” to the eventual “i think if i gave you my heart, you would treat it gently” AHHHH

also also, laurent outright admitting that he trusts damen? and then saying that he’s still pretty sure damen is going to kill him with a knife, almost as if laurent deserves it? his brain is so mean to his heart

Damen looked away, his gaze raking the dark beyond the campsite. ‘You really think it’s still possible to stop this war from happening?’ When he looked back, Laurent nodded, a slight but steady and deliberate movement, the answer clear, unmistakable and impossible: Yes.

were you really expecting any other answer from mr. "probably"? or did you just want the reassurance of hearing/seeing him confirm it?

‘Why didn’t you call a halt to the hunt?’ said Damen. ‘Why ride and cover up your uncle’s treachery, if you knew your horse had been poisoned?’ ‘I—assumed it had been made to look as though one of the slaves had done it,’ said Laurent, a little quizzically, as though the answer was so obvious that he wondered if he had misunderstood the question.

again, laurent often seems to view his own suffering as deserved. like it’s a no-brainer. it’s a really interesting quality of his, that somehow exists at the same time as his self-assurance and strong moral conviction. maybe it’s because of that conviction that he’s so easily able to blame himself when he and/or the circumstances fall short of his moral standards.

He thought of Naos, who had been so certain. He wanted to lay the blame for what he felt on Laurent, but what he felt had no easy name, and in the end he said nothing at all, but banked the fire in silence, and when the time came he lay down on his roll to sleep.

he’s rounding a corner with the nice vs. good theme! i wouldn’t say it’s pleasant for damen to develop this kind of mistrust, but at least it makes him less delusional. and a certain amount of skepticism is important to keep yourself safe (said by someone like laurent, who has way more skepticism than a normal well-adjusted person)

He woke with a crossbow bolt in his face.

not a great way to wake up after a mini-crisis about trust issues

Damen now knew the precise number of arrows Laurent needed to have trained on him in order to shut him up. It was six.

He didn’t resist the gag either, though it came as a surprise; Damen saw his head jerk back a little, reflexively, as a cloth was shoved into his mouth.

gagging laurent is worse than taking his sword. his voice is his #1 weapon!

[thickenmyblood]

maca this chapter was insane i was kicking my feet the entire hour I took to read it!!

but can I just say as much as I was team damen in the beginning cause I didn’t fw laurent’s whole approach to the breakup…..I don’t get why damen was so upset with laurent abt the needing a lawyer reveal when he immediately recognised that it was obvious that laurent continued to stay with him because he genuinely loved him.

Don’t get me wrong I definitely love that you took that approach cause your writing is so REAL and Damen recognises he’s being an idiot sometimes!!But I didn’t expect Laurent to not push back abit in some sense like he was just a traumatised kid barely a year older than nicaise is rn when they met (if i got the math right on that).

anyway I think I just wanna hear more about your thoughts on Laurent’s headspace if it’s not spoiler-y ofc. Thank you for such a brilliant chapter and happy holidays ♥️♥️

hello! i was actually talking to @savoytrufflephd about this the other day. this is terribly long but we're reaching the end of the fic and i will never get the change to speak on these things again, and so i hope this answer guides your reading experience and helps clear any doubts you might have going into the last chapter.

about damen:

during their argument, damen is gutted to find out that laurent approached him because he needed a lawyer and money, and, indeed, damen doesn't have an absolute "let's berate laurent" meltdown right then and there, but i wouldn't say he "immediately recognized" anything.

there are three main emotions at play during the reveal scene.

sadness: damen feels deeply hurt by laurent's confession.

There is nowhere to go. There is no other sound in the world but Laurent’s voice, tearing him open.

They should be doing this in the kitchen, Damen thinks. For old times’ sake. For symmetry. There must be a reason why Aimeric keeps picking kitchens as his bleeding spot.

anger and/or self-righteousness: damen makes comments to hurt laurent and express the hurt he's feeling himself and how he feels cheated and wronged.

(...) Was a live-in nanny so expensive that you had to spend the next four years forcing yourself into bed with—”

“You were nervous. Before. I remember the—was the bathroom break so you could vomit in between—”

(...) So you stayed up all night, going through that—that shit, and you had ten liters of coffee this morning so you could be brave enough to sit here and tell me that I was your pimp for a while. (...)

“I wouldn’t blame you,” Laurent says, “if you—” “Don’t play the martyr card.” “I’m so—” “Fuck you,” Damen says.

defeat: damen slowly realizing this is the worst case scenario. there can't be anything worse than this, and so it's almost a relief to hear it because he 1. didn't have to ask 2. can't imagine any other blow hitting him harder (which... i mean, he did have a heads up from nikandros). now what he wants is to understand how this happened and why.

Something is leaking out of Damen now, except it isn’t blood. He feels it by its absence, by the relief it leaves behind. This, he thinks, as he looks at Laurent. This is everything they have done to each other. There is nothing left but this: the wound, drained; the wound, re-dressed. This is what he wanted to know, what he asked for. This.

He might as well lay down on the table and pass Laurent the knife.

He wants to feel stupid and can’t, wants to lather himself up in hatred to slip away from this with ease. He can’t. He’d thought in those first months at Nikandros’s that he knew what hating Laurent was—annoyance, mostly, and contempt, slightly—but now he knows that wasn’t hate. He could never hate Laurent. Maybe he could learn, could train himself to do it, but he doesn’t want to. He wants to understand. He wants—

damen is not the best when it comes to understanding his own emotions. later on, when analyzing this argument with neo, this happens:

“I don’t know how it made me feel,” Damen says. “I was angry yesterday. At him. And I know I should be angry now, or earlier when he said—when he told me.” “But you weren’t.” “I wasn’t sad either. It was like…” “Like?” Damen smooths over the sheets beside him. The bed is cool and neatly made on that side. “Like I’d been waiting for him to say it for so long, that when he did, it wasn’t… I don’t know.”

he did feel all those emotions in the argument, but when asked to talk about them, he holds onto defeat instead of anger or sadness. i wrote him this way because i wanted a version of him that was tired of arguing with laurent, that didn't want to do that anymore, that wanted things to be fair between them. plus, i wrote very early on that he's just not very creative when it comes to (active) cruelty. it just doesn't come naturally to him.

now, about laurent:

i agree that this laurent reads very passively. he doesn't strike back, doesn't argue that he was desperate, that it wasn't his fault, etc. this is because:

he's being self-hating. this is him basically telling damen "look at what i did and hate me for it. i don't deserve the way you've always helped me, the way you're STILL helping me. i'm not a good person. i'm not who you think i am." this is why, in this fic, laurent also allows nicaise to treat him like shit. it's the reason laurent did not tell agnes about the verbal abuse he was being subjected to. he thinks he deserves it. it's the reason he tells damen having sex with maxime was a chore and still he kept doing it.

like damen, he's also tired of arguing. in fact, i would say he's MORE tired than damen. he's getting the worse of nicaise's ire and has been for months. he knows damen is upset with him bc of that 10 minute conversation he had alone with nicaise in ch18. the day before, damen looked him in the eye and told him it was all his fault, that everything wrong that happened with nicaise was on him, that he was to blame because he was too busy having fun and being stupid to take care of the one person he was supposed to look after. he's emotionally drained. he spent the entire night looking through nicaise's phone, analyzing dates and punishing himself for everything that happened. after almost 400k words of fucked up situations, he's finally reached this strange limit of "whatever, just let it end".

the self-fulfilling prophecy aspect of his relationship with damen. in a way, laurent never dared to hope what he had with damen would be forever. in fact, he believed in order to keep damen, he had to sacrifice many, many, many things and aspect of who he was and is as a person, because otherwise damen would not and could not love him. things like his mental health, his own abuse, his views on sex... but also small, stupidly vulnerable things, such as letting your partner know that you fucking douche!!!!!! letting him know you do things every other human does. laurent wanted damen to love him, but he didn't think damen ever could if he showed him all his cards and baggage and whatever you want to call it, and so he made himself palatable. and this was, ultimately, the downfall of their relationship (along with damen's obvious ignorance, emotional issues, repression, etc.)

this is all i can say on laurent's end. ch20 will give you some more details to help you look at his actions and thought process throughout the fic in a different light. i hope this answer made sense and wasn't just me babbling for seventeen thousand words.

thank you for your time!!

[philaet0s]

I never post any extracts from my WIPs here simply because I don't think about it, but I just thought about doing it, so I might as well... Here's a little something from the three stories I'm working on at the moment (I really should focus on just one)

Simon Snow Series - Natasha/Malcolm

Natasha

“Why do you think the man at the shop is my boyfriend?” I ask, calmly, though I can feel my heart beating faster than normal.

Am I so pathetically smitten that it shows? Can he see it? (If a five-year-old can, he probably can too…)

“Vera said her boyfriend was a boy that made her want to smile all the time. You smiled a lot when we were at the coffee shop.”

“Fiona, I always smile a lot when I’m with you.”

She shakes her head. “No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do. You’re my little sister, it makes me happy to be with you.”

She shakes her head again. Stubborn little thing. Why does she think she can disagree with me on my own feelings? “No. It’s not that. You weren’t smiling at the park. Only when we were at the coffee shop.”

Simon Snow Series - Fem!Snowbaz

Baz

I’m thinking that maybe I should try to go to her house. If I feel best when I’m around her, and her dad doesn’t make me feel any worse than I already do, which can’t be said about my dad, maybe our hanging out spot could change for a bit.

I ask her about it when we leave school at the end of the day. We exit through the students’ entrance, only to go back in through the teacher’s parking lot to wait for her dad. David drives us home every night, whether Simone is coming to my place or not. Snow asked him to. I know it’s because she doesn’t want me walking the way home on my bad leg, but I pretend it’s just because she wants to spend a few more minutes with me.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Dad doesn’t like having guests. We’d better just go to your place,” she answers.

“But I’ve never been to your house! Isn’t it crazy that we’ve been friends for years and I’ve never seen inside your house? Come on, just once. I’m sure your dad won’t mind.”

Snow looks away. She seems uncomfortable. What could be so bad about her house? It can’t be worse than my dad moping around.

“Well, if you want to come so much, you can ask him yourself.”

Captive Prince - Damen/Laurent

“You’re a king, Laurent, you don’t belong in anyone’s shadow, not even mine.” Damen took Laurent’s hand and brought it to his lips. It made Laurent flush. How absolutely ridiculous it was for Damen to kiss him like this, as if he were a maiden or a pet. “We intend on ruling together, don’t we? What better way to show my kyroi this than to have you standing by my side? Right where I want you.”

“You are not here to court me, Damianos. This is serious.”

“I am serious. Come here, Your Majesty.” Gently, he tugged on Laurent’s hand.

“Not yet. It’ll be another few months before they give me my crown.”

“No matter. You’re my king.” He kissed Laurent’s hand again. Laurent glanced to the side. He didn’t think the men guarding the doors of the meeting room could see them from here. Thankfully.

“See, this is exactly what you should not say when your men believe I still have power over you.”

“They cannot hear us. And I mean it, you are my king. As I believe I am yours.”

“Yes,” Laurent murmured, relieved. The resentment Damen showed him the day before seemed to have vanished. “You are. Now we must go. Let us not make the kyroi wait.”

[zykamiliah]

am i the only one that actually enjoys rereading captive prince vol.1??? like even upon rereads it gets better and better. both of them are in a terrible situation. laurent's pov makes more and more sense. every piece of the puzzle finally clicks and i'm like "ooohh so THIS is what it meant". my playlist for this book is all the dark music i could get my paws on, because this is the darkness before dawn. damen and laurent absolutely hate each other and it's fun to read until it isn't. laurent sassing the regent and the council is one of my fav fav scenes. it's the first step into deconstructing damen and laurent's images of each other.

and when i'm rereading vol.1 and it's side stories (Pet, the training of erasmus) you really get the Whole political picture of what was really going on that you couldn't understand from damen's limited pov and an understanding of the situation since he was locked up and limited to certain situations and locations.

because arles was a prison not only for damen but for laurent too, and for me that's why it feels so unpleasant, but i love everything that's going on. but if damen hadn't been sent there, hadn't been made to experience the truth about slavery, his own shortcomings and blind spots in regards to his family, etc, he wouldn't have started his learning journey. and damen was the catalyst to laurent finally stepping out of the court, the sickening bubble of his uncle's influence.

tbf im a sucker for political intrigue and characters meeting at their worst in the worst possible situation because it can only get better from there. and that's what happens.

i love all captive prince equally. a normal amount

[winmance]

To Share Your Love

It is Laurent who comes to rescue him.

Nicaise has been hiding for several weeks now, living like a rat, eating from trash at night, hiding during the day, and never staying more than a day or two at the same place. Laurent and he agreed on that before Laurent left. It was the only way to keep him safe. They couldn’t trust no one, they knew that, and so Laurent had made him hide with the promise that he would come back. Nicaise had called him stupid; there was a good chance that Laurent would be dead by the end of the season. There was a good chance that Nicaise himself would be dead by the end of the season.

Living in the streets, he heard many stories about what was happening and if he tried to ignore them at first, it was becoming more and more difficult. He didn’t listen when they said Laurent was a traitor, nor when they started celebrating his injuries or claiming he had been captured. He refused to listen, refused to face the truth and so he continued to hide, waiting for Laurent or death to come get him.

He’s trying to steal food from a merchant when it happens.

He hears the sound of horses before anything else. The way their hooves hit the ground in unison, one step after the other. Then he hears people shouting and they’re happy which only means one thing. Nicaise’s stomach drops and before he can be seen, he runs to hide in the first alley he can find.

He waits for the noise to stop, his hands against his ears, his heart on the verge of imploding. Laurent is dead. The Regent won.

“Found him!” Someone yells.

Nicaise will be dead soon.

He doesn’t open his eyes and stays on the ground. A lifetime ago, he would have gotten up and faced the regent with a proud smile on his lips before repeating the words he had said on his last night with him. “Long live King Laurent”. He had thought Laurent would win. He had been convinced, with all his heart, that Laurent would win. How could he not? How could he leave him?

So he stays on the ground and waits for death to come. He never met Auguste. He hopes the three of them will be together in the afterlife and that the former prince will like him as much as Laurent did.

“What a pretty little rat,” someone says. “I’ve been searching for you for days, Nicaise. We were supposed to meet at our favorite spot. Did you forget?”

It takes a while for Nicaise to finally open his eyes and when he does, he thinks that maybe death came during his sleep.

Laurent is in front of him, wrapped in gold, with a crown on his head, and a smile on his lips. He looks like an angel or a King, Nicaise can’t decide.

“You’re not dead?” Nicaise asks.

“Not more than you are, no.”

Tears are forming in his eyes and his throat is burning. He wants to scream at Laurent for taking his time, he wants to run into his arms and never let go again.

Instead, he gets up and cleans his clothes with the back of his hand.

“Took you long enough.”

“I’m sorry,” Laurent says, and Nicaise knows he means it. “Come. You need a bath.”

It is Laurent who comes to rescue him and while they walk side by side, Nicaise thinks that they won.

It is only when they come back to the horses that he realizes his mistake.

If Laurent looks like an angel, Damianos looks like a God. He’s sitting on the biggest horse, his head up and proud, and despite a very visible injury, he looks undefeated.

“Hello, Nicaise,” Damen says.

Nicaise turns towards Laurent and he takes his hand, ready to start running, but Laurent helps him back.

“I’ll explain,” Laurent whispers, still holding his hand. “But everything is alright, Nicaise. We’re safe. I promise.”

Laurent never lied to him before and so Nicaise follows him.

———

Laurent doesn’t explain. They’re never alone together and Nicaise quickly understands that this is how things are going to be now that Laurent is about to be King.

Still, Nicaise is given a chamber, right next to Laurent's, and he’s being treated like a prince himself. He loves it, of course, but he would also love to understand what is going on between Damen and Laurent.

When Laurent left, he said he would take revenge on Auguste but that he needed Damen’s help first. Yet now both have a crown on their heads and they don’t go anywhere without the other. Nicaise learns from Jord that Damen almost died and that instead of taking that opportunity, Laurent stayed at his side day and night, nursing him back to life as a lover would do. Except Laurent doesn’t do love, not this kind. They never talked about it, of course, but Nicaise used to think that Laurent loved him. Like he had loved Auguste. It was a special kind of love, not like the one the regent was giving him. Laurent’s love was pure, true. He never said it because he didn’t need to; it was in the way he would make sure Nicaise always ate, how he would allow him to sleep in chambers during storms, or how he treated his wounds, no matter how disgusting they were. It was in the way he allowed Nicaise to scream at him, to throw awful things at his face before allowing him to fall into his arms.

Laurent didn’t leave without having a plan for Nicaise’s safety.

Laurent had been looking for him for weeks. He didn’t only send men: as soon as Damen was better, Laurent went in the streets himself.

Nicaise thought Laurent loved him and only him.

But he can see the way he looks at Damen. The way he acts with him. He can see it vividly: Laurent isn’t his only anymore.

——

Nicaise hates Damen.

He never liked him per se, but there had been a point where being in the same room as him was all right. Not pleasant, of course, but tolerable. Now, just knowing that Damen is breathing in the same room as him gives Nicaise a gag reflex.

The worst is that for some reason, Damen keeps trying to befriend him. He’ll come and sit next to him, ask stupid questions (“What is your favorite food?” “Do you like the sun?” “I’ll teach you how to swim if you want?”) and Nicaise tries to find a reason but he can’t find any. Well, it’s not totally true. He does find one: Damen is trying to learn more about him so that he can send him away to some lord. Yet when those situations occur, Laurent is always looking at them with a fond smile on his face and even if he’s not Laurent’s favorite anymore, Nicaise knows that Laurent would never let anything happen to him.

“I was thinking,” Damen says while they’re eating dinner. It’s just the three of them and Nicaise tries to shut the voice in his head telling him how much of a family they look like.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Nicaise says.

To his surprise, they both laugh, even Damen, not feeling even a little offended. It makes Nicaise even angrier.

“Thank you for your concern, it’s really sweet of you. But I was thinking that we should get you a horse soon. It doesn’t seem right that you don’t have one yet.”

Horses are for rich people. Nicaise has never been rich: he grew up in extreme poverty until he was ten and the Regent came to buy him. His parents didn’t even hesitate a second. He had four other siblings, after all. They probably had another one after him. Life with the Regent gave him the impression he was rich, but he still wasn’t. Yes, he never felt hungry again, and yes, he was wearing fine and expensive clothes. But it was just an illusion. He was a slave, nothing more, nothing less. None of his things belonged to him. The Regent chose how he dressed, and what he ate.

“It will be yours,” Laurent says, as if reading his mind. “You’ll get to choose it and name it.”

“What if I want to name it something dumb?”

���Then name it something dumb.”

“What if I want the biggest, most expensive horse alive?”

“Then we will get it for you,” Damen interferes. “Your… Caregivers are kings. You can have anything you want. Just name it.”

Nicaise should be grateful and he almost says thank you - but then Damen takes Laurent’s hand in his and puts it to his mouth, his lips touching Laurent’s skin.

“I’m not hungry anymore.”

He gets up and walks out of the room before any of them can say anything. Once he’s back in his chamber, he realizes the truth: Damen is using him to get Laurent.

——

It takes him several more days before he learns that Damen is not, in fact, trying to get Laurent, because he already has him.

Until then, he had thought Laurent was luring Damen by pretending to be interested in him. It wouldn’t have been the first time and it was something Laurent was quite used to: you only need to pretend that you care about men for them to think you’ll give them the world. Laurent doesn’t want the world, but pretending to love Damen definitely helps to win his own country back. And yes, he had seen, with his own eyes, the way Laurent smiled at Damen. He had seen that Laurent wasn’t his anymore, but he didn't know to which extent exactly. He had thought that it was just a deep friendship.

He was sleeping peacefully when the storm began. No one had known it was coming, and so when Nicaise woke up, it was from the sound of thunder hitting somewhere in the distance. He was out of bed before he even let his mind understand what was happening. He always hated storms, so much that sometimes, his body would simply shut down and he would be unable to do anything, stuck while his mind was filled with fear.

Laurent’s chamber was right next to his and so he went, knocking on the door for Laurnet to let him in. It only took a few moments for him to understand that Laurent was, in fact, not here.

All the noise he was making alerted Damen and soon, the door of his bedroom opened up. The King looked confused, worried even.

“Nicaise? What is it?”

“Laurent isn’t here,” Nicaise says, trying very hard not to think of all the things that could have happened to Laurent already.

“Why do you need him?”

“I - There’s a storm.”

“Yes?”

“I… I need Laurent.”

It isn’t an explanation, Nicaise knows that, but Damen doesn’t seem to mind. He smiles at him, those awful, kind smiles of his, before opening the door more.

“Come. He’s taking a bath, I’ll go and get him for you.”

And Nicaise was taught, by Laurent, to never go into a man’s room alone, especially the powerful ones, but nothing makes sense and so he does without thinking.

The room wrecks of sex. He knows that smell too well and yet, he can feel his stomach turning upside down.

True to his words, Damen goes to look for Laurent. The fact that he’s taking a bath during the night tells Nicaise exactly what he needs to know. When Laurent arrives, his hair is wet and he’s only wearing a towel around himself. With each step he takes, water drops on the floor and when he stops in front of Nicaise, it doesn’t take long before a puddle forms.

“You’re sleeping in his chamber,” Nicaise says.

Laurent’s face stays neutral but he cannot control the way his cheeks turn red. He has always been so pale and even the constant sun here isn’t enough to make his skin go darker and so every emotion he’s feeling, no matter how hard he tries to control it, ends up showing on his skin. Laurent hates it, and Nicaise knows that. He can read it like an open book and this skin of his is just one of the many ways Nicaise learned to do so.

“Oh, forgive me. You’re not sleeping, right? I can smell sex. It’s disgusting.”

His words hit Laurent just the way he imagined they would but the satisfaction he expected doesn’t come. Things are worse than he anticipated. He had thought Damen was a menace because of his friendship with Laurent, but he hadn’t thought that Damen would have that part of Laurent that no one else had before. Laurent loves him. The kind of love people write stories about. The kind that can start a war or end it. The kind that is much, much more powerful than the love he ever had for Nicaise.

“I thought you knew,” Laurent says, and he does look confused. “Nicaise we haven’t been hiding.”

“No, I didn’t.”

They stand in front of each other then, in total silence. Nicaise knows Damen is not far away, that he’s probably waiting for him to leave, but he can’t. He’s aware that the storm is still going strong, stronger than before even, but he doesn’t care anymore. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.

“Please don’t cry,” Laurent pleads.

Nicaise puts his hand against his face, feeling the tears sliding down his cheeks. He doesn’t even know why he’s crying when all he can feel is anger.

“The sheets are clean. Go lay down, Nicaise.”

And he doesn’t want to, he really doesn’t, but then Laurent is taking him by the arm and pushing him towards the bed until Nicaise has no choice but to do as he says. Laurent leaves, only for a short time, and when he comes back, he’s dressed for the night. He slides next to him and holds him against him, his chest against Nicaise’s back.

“You think Auguste would be proud of you? Spreading your legs for the man that killed him.”

“He would want me to be happy,” Laurent whispers. Nicaise knows he’s trying to convince himself.

“Not like that, no.”

“Auguste isn’t here. It doesn’t matter anyway.”

“I hate you,” Nicaise says, and the words taste awful in his mouth. “I hate you so much.”

Laurent stays quiet and hugs him tighter.

——

He makes it his duty to ignore Laurent afterward, and Laurent makes it easier by doing the same. They still share most meals, but although Damen takes it to heart to do the conversation by himself, Laurent and he stay quiet. He’s still being taken care of: Laurent sends someone to take his measurements to make him new clothes, he has classes to attend and his opinion is asked regarding the next festivity they’re having. It’s not enough for Nicaise to feel welcome and every day, he has to watch as Laurent and Damen grow closer, their affection out for the world to see. He has never seen Laurent so happy and while a part of him hates it, he also can’t help but feel happy for him. Laurent deserves to be happy, even if it will cause Nicaise to perish.

He’s alone outside, sitting under a tree, a book in his hands, when suddenly the sun disappears and he’s surrounded by darkness. He lifts his eyes from his book and surely, in front of him, is standing Damen.

“I was looking for you.”

“Well, you found me.”

Damen smiles, as always, and sits next to him. It’s funny to watch Damen with his tall legs and big arms, sitting like a kid, as if he wasn’t a King. But Nicaise knows not to trust it: he knows that Damen is feared in every kingdom, including his own. He’s a good King, with a heart of gold, but he’s also a killer, a fighter. Blessed by the gods, that’s what everyone says when they talk about him. Those same gods that, according to them, cursed Laurent when he was born. They fear that Laurent’s curse will cancel Damen’s blessing, but Nicaise knows it won’t happen. There isn’t a god that will be able to stand in the way of their love. They will go up in the sky and kill every one of them if they need to.

“Would you like to learn how to fight?” Damen says.

“You think I’m stupid? You’ll kill me on purpose and pretend it was an accident.”

Damen laughs, and while Nicaise is dead serious, he has to bite his lips not to laugh too. It’s one of the things he hates about Damen: he’s always in a good mood and it’s affecting everyone around him.

“I promise I won’t. I just thought that maybe it would be good for you to practice.”

“Well, what if I kill you and pretend it was an accident?”

“I’m pretty sure Laurent would forgive you.”

Laurent’s mention sends a wave of something down Nicaise’s stomach, that he tries very hard to ignore. He doesn’t want to put a name on that feeling so he gets up and follows Damen. If he is to be sent away, then he should learn how to fight anyway;

——

They’re having a festivity to celebrate the beginning of winter. Nicaise thinks it’s stupid, because who wants to celebrate winter? He knows it’s only a pretext, of course; they need to show themselves as a united couple before Laurent’s coronation. It will be easier to claim their marriage is a loving one this way.

Nicaise is bored, of course. He couldn’t sit next to them tonight, as it was requested that both Kings (well, king and future one) sat by themselves in front of their people. Still, Nicaise is on the next table, the one reserved for the close family. It’s not enough to bring him peace, not when he has to watch as Laurent and Damen laugh together, sharing private jokes and sharing kisses when they think no one is watching. There was a time when it was to him that Laurent was whispering things during those dinners. They would always sit next to each other and try to distract the other as best as possible. It could be anything, from commenting on people's dresses to talking about the latest gossip or the new magic trick they learned.

His eyes catch a man on the other side of the room. He’s older than Damen and seems of a good family if his clothes are of any indication. He’s not particularly pretty, but not ugly either. He thinks they were introduced before, but he can’t remember his name. The man lifts his glass in Nicaise’s direction and Nicaise smiles. He waits a few minutes before getting up and when he leaves the room, he turns around and winks at the man.

He’s only alone in the hallway for a few minutes before the man joins him.

“Pretty celebration, isn’t it?” Nicaise asks.

“I don’t know. I was too distracted to notice.”

Nicaise wants to roll his eyes. There was a time when those kinds of words would have affected him, but it was a long time ago now. Still, he smiles and pretends to be touched. He tried to mimic Laurent’s expression yesterday. Sitting in front of his mirror, he was never able to get the same smile, nor the same light in his eyes. He supposes it’s because Laurent isn’t pretending.

The man gets closer to him until he’s able to put his hand on Nicaise’s hip. His hand is so big that he could probably break Nicaise with it only, and the thought sends a cold shiver down his spine. Nikandros was sitting at the same table as him and he suddenly hopes he noticed him leaving.

“Did your parents already promise your hand to someone?”

“My parents?”

“I was good friend with the Regent you see, so I know the Prince doesn’t have me in his heart, but if we were to fall in love, surely he would reconsider his opinion of me.”

“I don’t-”

Nicaise doesn’t finish his sentence because suddenly, the door opens and the hand that was on his hips disappears. It’s too late, though, for Damen already saw what was happening. Still standing in front of the door, he gives one look at Nicaise before putting his eyes on the man next to him.

“Your majesty, we were -”

He doesn’t finish his sentence either. In one instant, the door is being shut again and Damen is holding the man by his throat, his feet not touching the ground anymore while his face is already a dark shade of red. He’s doing it like it’s nothing, his arm barely contracting from the effort. His eyes are dark, his lips tight. Here he is, the Gods-blessed King they all talk about.

“We are not in Vere,” Damen says. “We don’t fuck children here, and certainly not mine. Do you understand?”

The man can’t answer, but the fear in his eyes is enough to tell Damen that he understood him perfectly. He lets him drop on the floor and motions for him to go away. The man, after a brief pause, gets up and runs for his life without a single hesitation.

It’s only the two of them, then, and they stay in silence for a long time, Damen refusing to look at him while Nicaise plays the words he said in his head again and again. He understands the language and yet, the words don’t make sense.

“I wanted it,” Nicaise says after a while. “I wanted him.”

Damen finally looks at him and there’s sadness in his eyes, as long as a tenderness he only reserves for Laurent.

“You’re fourteen. You do not know what you want.”

“Are you jealous? Do you want to fuck me like your fucking Laurent? Make me bend over and take it?”

Damen seems insulted by his words and Nicaise can see he’s trying to hold himself back. Laurent had told him so, didn’t he? That Damen was a right man, a good one. That he never fucked boys, children, but Nicaise knows better. Men are evil creatures, all of them.

“I’m so sorry that this is your way of thinking,” Damen says, finally. “I understand it, but Nicaise, I make you the promise, here and there, that I will never touch you and that as long as I’m alive, I’ll not let a man touch you without your express consent. But to get your consent, I need you to be an adult, which you are not.”

“Nobody ever cared about that.”

His words hit Damen again, his face twisting in that awful grimace that he does when someone mentions something unpleasant. Yet, he forces himself to relax and comes closer to Nicaise, until he’s able to wrap one arm around his shoulders.

“Come. We asked them to make your favorite dessert, it would be a shame to miss it.”

——

Damen makes him practice three times a week. At first, Nicaise wants to refuse, but he can’t deny how good it feels to be able to let out his anger. Damen lets him hit, but then he hits back, with only one percent of his real force and it’s enough to send Nicaise straight to the ground. Then, once he’s up again, Damen teaches him how to hit harder and how to defend himself. They’re only two weeks along but already, Nicaise feels stronger. He almost wishes someone would attack him so he could test his knowledge.

Their session of the day is over, they sit on the ground, their bodies covered in sweat and their breathing irregular. With the way the sun is hitting them, he can understand why they fight naked around here. Not Damen and him, of course, and so they have to deal with the heavy heat and the way their clothes stick to their bodies.

“You’ll need to learn how to handle a sword, too.”

“Will you teach me?”

“No, Laurent is better than I am. He’ll teach you if you ask him.”

He’s aware that Laurent is watching them from one of the windows. He always does, although he still barely talks to Nicaise. He almost wants to go and apologize, but he can’t bring himself to do it. He doesn’t deserve forgiveness: bringing Auguste into the conversation was a low move, he can admit it.

“I’m not planning on going to war, I don’t need to know how to fight on a battlefield.”

Nicaise closes his eyes and enjoys the feeling of the sun on his face. He loves the way his body burns and now that they’re not fighting anymore, he can feel himself relaxing. He wonders if he could convince Damen to take him to the sea today.

“Laurent and I will have kids, one day,” Damen says after a while.

Nicaise opens his eyes and looks at him for a long moment, trying to catch the moment Damen will say it’s a joke. The moment doesn’t come.

“Good luck with that.”

“They will need a big brother. One that is to them what Auguste was to Laurent. What Laurent is to you, in a way. Someone who loves them with all their heart and soul. The world is a scary place and they will need someone to guide them through it.”

“Why are you telling me that?”

“Because I want it to be you. You’ll be our children’s brother. I’ll never claim to be your father, not as a whole, but I’ll promise to love you and protect you until I’m no longer alive. In exchange, I want you to give the same things to your siblings.”

“Is Laurent aware of your plan?”

“Do you think I would go against my King's wish?”

When Nicaise lifts his eyes, he catches Laurent staring at him from the window.

“No, I guess not.”

——

It is Laurent who decides to make the first move.

It’s late at night when he comes knocking on Nicaise’s door, a book in his hands.

“It’s your favorite,” Laurent says. “I asked them to send it from Vere. I figured you must have missed it.”

He did and so he lets Laurent step into the room while Nicaise goes back into his bed, burying himself under the cover with only his arms out. Laurent closes the door before sitting on the bed next to him. The book is childish, but it’s the first one Laurent read to him after he was “adopted” by the Regent. Nicaise’s memories from that time are dark and painful, hands touching him where he didn’t want to, lips on his body, bad taste in his mouth. But then there’s Laurent’s sweet voice, reading him a story about a princess and her horse. Then, between the darkness, there’s Laurent’s light. Their relationship was never perfect and more often than not, they would scream at each other, fighting for a love that wasn’t here, to begin with, but over the years, they grew closer. So close that Nicaise thought for a moment that it would last forever.

“Auguste used to read it to me,” Laurent confesses. “It was stupid because I was a very good reader and didn’t need anyone to read to me, but I let him do it because it was nice.”

Nicaise tries to picture it, little Laurent and his King-to-be brother, sitting just like they are now, reading a stupid book without knowing that soon, it would be their last time doing so. Nicaise hadn’t met Auguste and yet he thinks of him the same way he thinks of Laurent: like a protector, always watching over him.

“Will you read it to me? Like before.”

Laurent nods and they get closer until their arms are touching and Nicaise can put his head on Laurent’s shoulder. He reads the book, then, but Nicaise barely listens to him, having heard the stories time and time again. Instead, he focuses on Laurent’s smell, the way his body feels against him, and how much he misses him. He should apologize, but the words won’t leave his mouth so he doesn’t. Laurent must know he’s sorry anyway.

The story ends with the princess marrying a foreign prince and Nicaise almost wants to laugh. He doesn’t. They stay still, the room quiet except for the sound of the candle next to his bed.

“I’ll leave him,” Laurent says after a while. “If you ask me, I’ll leave him.”

“But you love him.”

“Yes, I do. And I also love you. Not the same way, of course. Damen is my soulmate. He’s the part of me that was missing. He makes me whole. It’s… I hope you’ll find that kind of love, one day.”

“He’s your whole,” Nicaise repeats, his heart tightening. “So what am I? Why would you give up on him for me?”

Laurent looks at him, confusion written on his face. Then he lifts his hand and pushes Nicaise’s hair away from his face. Since Damen came in, Laurent has been more loving, and more affectionate. Before they fight, he would sometimes come and play with Nicaise’s hair, or let his fingers longer around his shoulders. It’s nothing like the Regent. It’s love, like the kind that parent gives to their children, although Nicaise knows it’s stupid to think that way.

“Because Damen is my soulmate, but you are my heart. I may not have given birth to you, but I love you all the same.”

“You’re not my dad.”

“No, I am not. But does it matter?”

Nicaise’s dad sold him to the Regent for a few golden coins. Nicaise’s mom didn’t kiss him goodbye when he left.

“Damen wants children,” Nicaise says. “Do you want them to?”

Laurent’s cheeks darken and he nodes.

“I thought… I thought I wouldn’t live long enough to have them, but now I do. I want to.”

He tries to imagine it, Laurent and Damen sitting on the sand, children running around them, girls and boys alike. He finds it easy to imagine, and even easier to imagine himself running around with them.

“I had siblings before. They were not like Auguste. We didn’t like each other very much.”

“It happens sometimes, I suppose.”

“What I mean is: I know better, now. I can be a good brother, like Auguste was to you.”

Laurent smiles before taking his hand into his.

“I don’t need you to be like Auguste, Nicaise. You are more than enough just the way you are.”

“Even if I’m mean sometimes?”

“Well yes, even if you’re mean sometimes. Although, I would like it better if you could only direct that anger to me and not to the babes.”

“I won’t hurt them,” he promises. “I’ll teach them how to torment Nikandros and Jord, though.”

“I was expecting that much,” Laurent says with a smile. “So Damen? Can he stay?”

“Yeah. He’s alright, I suppose.”

Nicaise wonders if in centuries, there will be books talking about the King blessed by the gods and his husband, cursed by those same ones, whose love was strong enough to defeat everything. He wonders if those books will talk about him, a child destined to nothing and yet, who ends up with everything, including a string of siblings. He bets his story will be better than theirs.

[rosyandraw]

From one kinky girly to another I would love some voyeurism/exhibitionism from you I know it would be 💦💦💦💦PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEAASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE thanks

Who doesn't love a spot of voyeurism every now and then? As a treat.

Don't you think it's really sexy of them that Laurent is more of a voyeur and Damen the man doesn't give a fuck who is looking at him. Damen the Crown Prince not so much, we well know but it's always about station and expectation not really about modesty or embarrassment.

Man had no problem whatsoever in Vask. Didn't even really give a shit in Vere either. Well he cared about one person's eyes that's for sure.

And I get all hot and bothered thinking about Laurent's bratty bossiness demanding to watch Damen and then Damen is such a shit he's like bet, i'll drag this out.

Laurent's kinks and tastes and feelings are so specific I bet just watching Damen could get him halfway there.

But what kind are we talking here? Like Laurent watches Damen fuck a harem of people and gets off on it? Like recreating their vaskian adventure?

People watch Damen and Laurent fuck and nearly combust over it? Give them a visual to go with Laurent's constant verbal i'm fucking him did you know.

Or is it more the titillation? The possibility. That reckless thrill of almost and right now and the way it lights your skin on fire and gives it the kind of urgency that's hard to replicate.

Because I think with Lamen I lean more toward the latter. The idea of it more than the actual act itself. The possibility that someone is watching and can see them. Maybe especially for Laurent. He's had this side of him locked away and cast in shadows for years and the idea of letting anyone see him like that is both terrifying and freeing when he realises he's safe with Damen. That they wouldn't really be seeing him they'd be seeing them. Damen would take a lot of convincing to let anyone actually see him fuck Laurent. Unless, of course, the people watching didn't know who they were seeing...

I have so many thoughts right now. SO MANY. I will see what my brain comes up with for you lmao 💕

[impromptu-sketches]

Hi...I'm the one who ask BL recs like KazuRei....Just want to say, thanks so much for your answer, I've read some of them, and they were spot on....🤩

If you don't mind, can I ask for another BL recs that have the same vibe as damen/laurent from novels "Captive Prince" (kind, protective, bigger build seme x clever, tsundere, beautiful uke)? Or like andrew/ neil from novels "All for the Game : Foxhole Court" (both have strong personalities, can be reversible couples, looks weak but actually strong) ? Sorry for this long ask, feel free if you want to answer either one, both or none? I just started reading BL, last year, and your blog, are like my guideline..... Thanks so much for sharing your recs and reviews...Again, sorry if I compare them to novels....Hope you have a wonderful day.....

Glad you liked the KazuRei list (ㅅ´ ˘ `)♡

I'm a HUGE fan of the Captive Prince trilogy!! Even with adding to the partial list I already have for it, I don't feel like any of these fully capture Damen & Laurent's relationship dynamic or personalities but if you like them you may also like:

Twittering Birds Never Fly | yakuza, bdsm, masochist bottom boss x new employee (ongoing)

Liveta | (recommending Liveta for them too) fantasy, prince bottom x commoner top, enemy lands (ongoing)

Taming the Tiger | historical, uke lord x seme slave (ongoing)

King's Maker / King's Maker Triple Crown | fantasy, political, royalty, slow burn, bottom is the brains x top is the bronze (ongoing)

Mad Place | detective x suspect, clever & cute uke (ongoing)

Under the Green Light | gang leader x student (ongoing)

Steel Under Silk | historical, seme lord x uke slave (ongoing)

Therapy Game / Therapy Game Restart | gorgeous uke, soft & sweet, wholesome (ongoing)

●

I haven't read All For the Game, I'm only vaguely familiar with the story (my understanding of it is angsty and aggressive college boys with dark undertones?), but here's my best shot at recommendations for Andrew and Neil. Let me know what you think or what you would recommend instead:

Love Shuttle | adults, omegaverse, strong omega, enemies to lovers, coworkers (completed)

Wet Stand | adults, gangs, love triangle, strong uke (ongoing)

Dark Heaven | adults, bandmates, childhood friends to lovers, switches, ride or die relationship (completed)

OUROBOROS | psychological, love triangle, past trauma/abuse (completed)

Lost in the Cloud | students, psychological (ongoing)

Wagging the Tail | college, enemies to lovers, switches, animal characteristics (completed)

A Shoulder to Cry On | students, love/hate relationship (completed)

Sweet and Cold | college, childhood friends (completed)

19 Days | students, slice of life, comedy, gang family ties (ongoing)

●

I'd love to hear other recommendations, especially for Captive Prince if anyone has any!

♡ Thank you for the questions

[kybelles]

FLUSTERED DAMEN FLUSTERED DAMEN BLUSHIBG DAMEN AAAAA HOLY MAIDEN DAMEN ??!?!?!????????? IM GOING CRAZYYYYYYY PLEASE NEVER STOP WRITING HIM THE SNEAK PEEK i gotta breathe holy shit wait definitely going to make another ask because this one was me fangirling and going crazy

HELLO DOLL i hope you don’t mind me answering all of these together 🥺🫶🏼 AAAAA FIRST OFF ALL YOU’RE SO SWEET FOR THESE ASKS!!! it’s always mind blowing for me when people show interest in my writings because WOW it’s such a great honor 🥹❤️

YOU IMMEDIATELY CAUGHT THAT PART!! 👀 yes, there is a reason why laurent now refers to damen as “husband” publicly despite the fact that they are not officially married yet!! i just hope i can convey his jealous chihuahua energy well in ch3 😛 and you were also so spot on when you said sibylla has a big storm coming 🤭

shy blushy damen is my life line ‼️ ik it’s usually the other way around in the books but there’s just something endearing about inexperienced rookie laurent rendering his seasoned lover damen speechless with his romantic words and gestures 😳 cause like pacat said the first person damen truly fell in love is laurent so i feel like there’s a lot to explore there!!

sending you tons of hugs and kisses, i’m truly grateful for your support and kindess 🥹🫶🏼

[merrivia]

in ur opinion who are the hottest characters in cp and who are the least ;)

Haha what an excellent question.

And because clearly I can't just be like here's the list of hotties, enjoy, you did get me thinking.

I think fiction- and the way Pacat writes in particular- offers us this really interesting space in terms of 'attraction', as I mean, it's all just this lovely, indulgent hypothetical anyway. And what makes a character 'attractive' kind of just exists in the imagination? Like we are free to imagine Damen and Laurent for instance, in particular ways physically beyond the broad strokes of big, olive-skinned and dark haired vs blue-eyed blond, as there is no exact visual for us. The other part to is the idea of 'proximity'- you know, how in real life we often fall for the people around us? Who we can get to know or who we 'see' over and over? So as we read and inhabit a fictional world, we are approximating these things - we're inside character's heads, around them, getting to know them etc.,. And I think all of that plays a part in this mimicry of real life attraction?

It's such an interesting weird blurring between knowing a character is made up and a small part of your brain kind of making judgements as if they're real.

[But merrivia this was for fun...I know and I'm sorry 😂]

I also want to say that having a particular physical 'type' is a really fascinating concept for me, because I think it's rooted in all sorts of psychological issues we have swirling around in our subconscious? I don't think perhaps we can always control it, but I do think it's an important part of life to examine those biases we have, too. I had a type when I was younger, but I outgrew those ideas over time and don't really have any specific physical preferences, so all of this really is based on personality mostly, for me!

I've also based this list on how we meet characters in the books, as opposed to 'older characters when they were younger' for example.

So:

*tied position: Damen, to me, is the hottest. I think it's his intelligence and honesty and goodness and willingness to love. And yeah...okay fine, his fighting prowess and his physical strength. In real life, I don't care for that, in fact that would intimidate the hell out of me, but reading him literally outclass everyone else in the novels is beyond attractive. I also love love love, how smart and witty he is, and how he can match Laurent in that way. Also: the dimple /screams into the void/. In many ways Damen has qualities I admire, and I wish I had more of. How disciplined he is, his easy natural charm with others, how comfortable he is with his own body, how open and light he can be when it comes to sex while still being respectful, how he isn't actually vain over his looks and how he's very romantic at heart...that's all very attractive to me. He has his flaws, I know, but I just think he's really hot. And tied at that spot is...Auguste. I actually think, in real life, Auguste would be exactly the kind of guy I would have had a major crush on. Handsome and good-hearted and honourable and loves his family? I can see me watching Auguste with a younger Laurent, being all playful and big-brothery and I would just *die* and have to stop myself proposing to him immediately. He also, I think, loved animals, a quality I also really like in a man. I do feel we know so little about him, it's tricky...but he's tied at the no 1 spot for me.

Laurent is obviously gorgeous, but in a remote way to me? I absolutely love him, but I'm not attracted to him. He's ridiculously beautiful and mind-bogglingly intelligent and sharp and very funny and has his own moral code, but in a way, some of his sharpness reminds me of the worst of myself? And the lethal side of his personality is...phew, it's a lot. His love of animals and of children is so lovely though, and the sweetness that comes out in him around Damen makes me melt. I also am, as a woman, respectful of canonically gay characters's preferences, and I don't know if thats odd or not, but some people are in a separate category in my mind (my friend's partners, gay men etc.,) where I can like them, and even adore them platonically, but I cannot see them as sexually attractive in any way. That includes characters it seems! I also think, he is just so objectified in the novels...even if I did fancy him, I might want to protect him from that constant onslaught, not join in? Regardless of all that, of course Laurent is super hot, so he's on the list.

The Good Men of the book- Nikandros and Berenger. I think that ultimately, the older I get, the more I am drawn to inner qualities of principle and goodness. Both these men are loyal and loving. Both deserve love and amazing sex.

The Hot Women of the book- Jokaste and Kashel are polar opposites and both obviously gorgeous. Jokaste scares the hell out of me, but I respect the fact that people would fall at her feet. Kashel is like that nice, pretty girl next door type at school who does a lot of sports and who lots of people are really into.

Ancel is very much NOT my type, something about the long red hair and the personality...but is he a hottie? Yes, of course. You have to respect his hustle, and I really like how he falls for Berenger, showing how he does have a heart.

Jord...He's a good man too. I see him as on the shorter, stockier side, based on descriptions of the book, and, well, a bit plain, but he's a good reminder that being exceptionally good-looking and/or a nobleman isn't everything. He exudes a personableness and has some really good qualities. I really do wish he hadn't projected all of his 'I betrayed Laurent' guilt so strongly onto Damen at the end of PG, but... it did create a lot of angst and narrative tension (I mean which is partly Jord's function!).

Who isn't attractive...yikes, that's tough. I mean there are plenty of other characters in the book, so if I haven't mentioned them, they're just not on the list. I just feel like there isn't enough for me to get my teeth into with characters like Pallas or Lazar, as cute as they are? So it's not a judgement, I just need a little more description. As for some of the older characters...yeah nope. If that's your thing, that's fine! And the villains in the book can rot in hell as far as I'm concerned.

I guess find it difficult to see Erasmus as hot. On the list, he should be just below Laurent really. This is kind of how I see his looks being, but even prettier. Like ridiculously, sweetly pretty.

I didn't include him out of very nurturing feelings I think? He's just a little sweetheart, and I want to take him under my wing and make sure he's okay. I just want him and the beautiful Kallias together!

It's why I'm also so neutral on Torveld I think? He's a good man too, but just...yeah.

And poor, damaged Aimeric...he's clearly a pretty boy. But I just think he was far too troubled. Lots of therapy needed for Aimeric in a modern AU and no-contact with Guion and to go off and live with Loyse (who I hope didn't know until it was too late what happened to Aimeric or tried to fight her husband on it but couldn't win, because patriarchy, and didn't just turn a blind eye- if she did do that, then no-contact for her too) and date Jord :(

So that's my rundown!

That was fun, thanks for the ask!