#YES I know bisexual means 2+ please no discourse

[swordshapedleaves]

A friend of mine is reading a book I told them to read and live reacting at me and I am so excited about it because it has the greatest moment of all time and they haven't gotten there yet

[alexwilltellyouthings]

Ok I have so many thoughts about painland ending up canon or not and I. Just.

Listen I AGREE that their bond goes beyond being romantic or not. It's obvious, it's beautiful, I love it and I love them and their friendship and I truly do think it is important that media has this kind of relationship portrayed.

But.

But.

I would be lying if I said I wouldn't be disappointed if it doesn't turn romantic. It involves a lot of things.

1: I want Edwin to have that. He'll still be happy without it, yes, but god can't he have that? He's been through so much. He had a speedrun through his sexuality issues and confessed in hell. Like wtf. Can't he have that???

2. Bisexual Charles would actually be so important to me. And yeah he can be bi and not in love with Edwin but come on lol. The thing is, there's not many bi men in media. Even less bi men figuring out their bisexuality. Even less bi men figuring out their sexuality when they were raised in the 80s and knowing their best friend is in love. Do you see how many layers exist here? How amazing his story could be? Charles has so much we still don't know about him. And yes, I would like that one of those things could be something I relate to. Besides trauma. Call me selfish. And like he's so bisexual coded it would be offensive for him to be straight I'm sorry.

3. They exist in other universes. Let them be platonic there. Let them be romantic this one time.

4. I know falling in love with a straight person is a very common story and I don't think it's wrong for it to happen in a show, but honestly, it's not what I sign up for when I'm watching queer stuff. Think Our Flag Means Death. It probably changed my brain chemistry because anything less than that gets really hard to swallow. I know, we all have queerbaiting trauma, and I know this wouldn't be the case, and it never claimed to be something as queer as OFMD. But I got so attached that... Well, I wouldn't stop watching if this happens, but it wouldn't sit well with me. It's a bitter feeling, you know?

5. They didn't have anything be explicit, but come on, they did set us up. Charles got jealous at Monty, and only Monty, for that matter. I wouldn't say his thing with the Cat King is necessarily jealousy, more like protectiveness, but that can be disputable. And both George and Jayden said more than once that Charles' response to the confession let things open. So I mean if that door wasn't closed, then please don't close it now! The road until things happen can be long, dramatic, tortuous, whatever, there's many ways to tell a love story. But if I'm sitting for it, then I don't want to get shot in the face later on (unless it's for plot reasons which ok).

6. Have I mentioned that bisexual Charles

Anyway I feel kinda bad for wishing so much they get romantic because I see and agree with the whole platonic discourse. But yeah those are all the reasons why I can't stop myself. Have a good day everyone

[macrotiis]

- 29 y/o aries ♈️

- gender-neutral testosterone beast, I'm trans 💉(2016) & post-op (2023) TME & perisex.

- xe/xem/xyrs, he/him or she/her.

- @rainbowmancer-gwen is my fox gf 💙

- Aus/NZ Pakeha (white)

- 18 +, no minors pls, this is not a NSFW heavy blog tho.

- #noid is for images without descriptions or functional alt text.

No DNI, I just block. I usually block bigots, rude ppl, pointless discourse, harry potter fans, proshippers (some "antis" too, idk this whole thing is dumb to me), & sometimes ppl who just annoy me. I'm here for a good time, I'm not here to argue & I don't appriciate ppl trying to start shit. (Letting me know of I'm rbing someone shitty is appriciated.)

Please HARD BLOCK me if you don't want me to follow you. I'll assume tumblr is fucking up & re-follow if I'm softblocked coz that happens a lot, please just properly block me.

I'm Blitz, I'm a commie anarchist furry from down-under & my tagging system is a mess. (More info under the cut)

I love animals, hairless cats & australian wildlife are my faves. Blue & purple are my fave colors. I like loud electronic & alt music; Punk, Metal, Nu-Metal, New-Wave, Ska, Drum n Bass, Industrial, Breakcore, ect.

I draw a lot, it's like my number 1 thing, art blog is @staticblitz.

I'm not a huge fandom person, but I have a Crash Bandicoot blog @n-trance, Crash Bandicoot is my number 2 thing.

I love science fiction, fantasy & horror, stuff like; Crash Bandicoot, Spyro the Dragon, Elder Scrolls, Fallout, Star Trek, Invader Zim, Doctor Who, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Dorohedoro, Berserk, Digimon Furries & table top role-playing games.

I'm a weird kind of aroace bisexual queer, I'm a transsexual in the sense that I'm trans, I take hormones (testosterone) & am post-op (hysterectomy); I believe being trans is different for everyone & hate truscum/transmeds. I also don't like transandrophobia/transmisandry truthers, listen to trans women & learn about transmisogyny without getting defensive. I promise you, there is space for us in the framework of discussions about transmisogyny already. PLEASE don't take posts I make about *MY* experiences as someone transmasc adjacent & get mad thinking I'm generalizing the whole trans man/transmasc community. I am one guy (system) & cannot speak for the entire community & I don't try to!

I am kink & sex positive, I sometimes do sexwork & I talk about it sometimes. That said I do have boundaries & I do think you ought to be responsible for what you post & where (ie; tag that shit & keep it away from kids). I cant prevent it, but would prefer DDLG or ABDL blogs not follow or interact with me (it's fine if you use a non-kink related blog instead. I don't judge you, I just have trauma surrounding this). Thanks 💖

Proshippers are weird, not keen on antis either but equating finding your pedo/incest fanfic a bit gross to police violence is actually nonsensical, end of discussion.

I think Marxism is pretty pog, I'm by no means an expert but I am very politically active where I live. I grew up poor with my 2 siblings & my single disabled mum, we are ex-Jehovahs Witnesses (yes thats important). This has shaped a lot of my world view, I align myself with the marginalised & working class people of the world. I am heavily critical of capitalism, liberalism, nationalism & imperialism. If you have a problem with commies or anarchists, you probably won't like me. I hate fascists & I hate cops. I love my community tho & working together with anyone who wants to work toward a better world.

I am moderately able-bodied, but have mental disabilities. I don't wanna share all but I have autism, C-PTSD & chronic fatigue among many other things. I am a system, I hate syscourse, endo systems are welcome here, ableists demanding medical history are not.

I will tag for any trigger if you ask me, I already tag a large amount of things for both categorization & moderation.

Do not send me donation posts, thanks.

This is my fursona, draw xem if you want I would love that :3

[miggydiaz]

For the salty ask 1, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 14, 16, 20, 22, 23 and 26 for cobra kai pretty please

My answers are so long, so I am putting this under the cut @wonderwolfballoon! Also I just noticed your Daniel icon I SWEAR I’M NOT DRAGGING HIM TO BE MEAN!!!

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?* My biggest IDGI ships for CK are probably Elimetri or Kiaz. I’m not here to yuck other people’s yums or anything, but I do think there is something to the idea that Migueli isn’t popular because it’s a ship predicated on mutual respect for one another. Kiaz has the obvious enemies to lovers vibe and I just generally don’t sail those ships. Elimetri has... its problems, IMO, most especially around the idea that Demetri has to like... save Hawk from himself? Idk. I just like romances that I feel are based on love and mutual respect and not ...tropes.

 I am also not a Lawrusso shipper although I have a lot of those on my dash and you all are great! Again, not yucking yums! Daniel just makes me want to head butt him too much to pair him romantically with anyone 😂 I don’t even want his wife with him. He needs to self reflect~ 

4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?* 

I once saw someone ship Amanda and Anoush and I noped out of that so fucking fast I almost tripped over myself. I’m not sure if they’re popular. I just think some people feel the need to get Amanda out of the way to sail their ship and stuck her with Anoush which... no. Just no. Let Amanda be a messy single queen with a martini hobby, thanks! 

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?* 

Not in CK. I’m lucky because I pretty much stick to my little Migueli bubble and I’m okay with that? Lmao lord knows the Squad on my dash is all about the DISCOURSE™️ so idk if I just don’t feel the need to get sucked into the wider ship wars because we have good healthy debates, but so far, so good. 

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?* 

I never hated it... I just didn’t have many feelings on shipping with this show in general at first. Then I was in the CK tag one day and I saw Migueli fan art. Then I discovered @afurioushawk‘s falconry series and it was all over for me after that! So fandom DID make me love a ship, just not one I hated.

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why? Oh boy. How much time do you have? In some instances, it’s a good thing season 3 happened because otherwise, this would be a multi-page essay on the problems with race and class privilege as it pertains to Sam LaRusso and just some... generally not nice comments about Demetri that I’m conflicted about because I’m not sure if the writers are intentionally trying to write him a specific way and it’s just not translating to me or what. But season 3 revamped both of their images with me a lot. I’m way more flexible in terms of Demetri, but lmao I was the number one Sam LaRusso hater for a minute there (or maybe number 2, I can think of at least 1 other person who was in that boat with me back in like... August/September, but I won’t call them out because I don’t want them to get hate...) However, I have grown a bit in my opinions of Sam, and even though I still think she’s responsible  for a lot of shit she NEVER gets held accountable for, I also think that’s a reflection of the adults around her too, and this includes my otherwise unproblematic queen, Amanda.

But honestly, my most hated character (other than the obvious villain that is Kreese) is Daniel. No matter how handsome Ralph Macchio looks in cable-knits, because Daniel has always been a sanctimonious, shit starting drama king and I say that about KK Daniel too. I’m not saying Daniel was the ~true villain~ or anything, or that Johnny was innocent -- I can only drink so much Red and Yellow Kool-Aid -- but Daniel’s always been annoying to me as a protagonist, and turning him into a smarmy wealthy car salesman who is also a class traitor did not do him any favors in my book. I will say, I also like Daniel more in season 3 than I have in previous season, but since he is the adult, I will be mad at him longer than I will be at the kids, ya feel?

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

 Johnny’s entire season 3 storyline. The sheer level of REGRESSION at every turn drives me bonkers. It’s like watching him go through all of the stumbling blocks of season 1 all over again, but without the “he’s learning! He’s going to make mistakes!” free pass that I was willing to give him the first time around. He regularly jeopardizes Miguel’s recovery and it’s played for laughs. He fucks up on every level with Robby. He spends most of his time running away when things get hard or too real. He drops the ball completely with Hawk, and like, not to put too fine a point on it, but a lot of Hawk’s issues are because Johnny put Hawk on this ‘flip the script and be a badass’ path and then offered him no guidance for how to walk that path and instead left him in the hands of Kreese. And then he has the nerve to go to Hawk and basically be like “I made you what you are!” lmao yeah Johnny, you sure did, that’s why he’s breaking peoples arms, hoss. And then all of the nonsense with Ali and Carmen, like... if you were planning on teasing KK fans with Ali and him getting back together, why write her as married in the first place? Why even tease the idea of Carmen and Johnny until after you were sure what you were going to do with Ali as a character? Instead, they do what they did in season 3 and it makes him look like a colossal jerk. So yeah. Literally every choice they made with Johnny this season, I hated.

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom? People who hate Tory are not valid, sorry not sorry.

16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change? I would have kept Miguel entirely out of Tory and Sam’s beef. Or at least not directly inserted him into it like he was with the kiss. I know the writers thought it was necessary to push Tory to the point of inciting a fight at school, but I am just so exhausted over girls being unable to fight about anything but boys. Also I would bring Aisha back.

20. What is the purest ship in the fandom? 

I am probably biased, but I still maintain it’s Migueli. Look, Miguel stood up to Kyler for Eli and Demetri both. Hawk joined CK because he saw what it could do for some skinny nerd who was getting his ass kicked. And he took to CK, really took to it! Even flourished before he started getting mixed messages. And he and Miguel were pretty much inseparable after that. They coordinated their wardrobes ffs. Hawk dubbed him El Serpiente and no one else calls him that — it’s Hawk’s nickname for him. Miguel confides in Hawk only secondary to Johnny, who is like a father to him. The entire Coyote Creek exchange shows they can fight and disagree but... well, to use the cliche, they don’t go to bed angry, you know? They’re square the very next day. Hawk is the first person at Miguel’s side when he gets kicked over the balcony and the LOOK he gives the second floor where Robby is? That boy is out for blood immediately to avenge Miguel. So much of his s3 behavior is fueled by that need for vengeance because MD is wholly responsible for what happened to Miguel. And Miguel is so confused and betrayed by Hawk’s shift in behavior, and yet still holds out hope that Hawk will see through Kreese’s BS and come with him to The Dojo I Refuse to Name. And when Hawk does make that deflection finally, he shows up at MD with Miguel. There’s so much more that I know I’m missing but whether someone ships them or not, that is a tried and true love and respect for one another, a willingness to fight for and defend one another that you don’t often see in TV friendships... or even in most tv relationships. And I just think that’s the best ❤️

22. Popular character you hate?

 Daniel, hands down. I mean... I don’t even necessarily hate Daniel, you know? I just think it’s really, pardon the pun, rich that a guy of immense wealth and privilege can’t get a therapist or turn to his far too patient wife for help with his existential crisis over his high school bully opening up a karate dojo to make some money and help a kid who is getting the crap kicked out of him. I get that Daniel’s narrative is necessary for the rivalry, but it does nothing to make him sympathetic as a character.

23. Unpopular character you love?

 Tory, definitely! Everyone hates her and then there’s me and the Squad over here banging away on our Coors Banquet cans yelling TORY RIGHTS! Seriously she catches so much flack for a teenage girl who is... the sole income provider for her family? At 17? While caring for a sick mom and a little brother? And fending off a creepy landlord? Tory has it so rough and then she meets a cool girl at her dojo who asks her to hang out at some fancy ass country club which is probably the nicest place Tory has ever been in, and then she gets talked down to and accused of being a thief and has another girl lay hands on her, only to find out that same girl is her new boyfriend’s ex and... ugh. I HATE that Tory gets shit all over when Tory and Sam wouldn’t even have beef if Sam had apologized to Tory as she SHOULD have. Tory isn’t innocent, but damn, I’d be pressed too.

 My other unpopular character I love? Nathaniel. Seriously that kid is THE best. He’s a literal child but is out there like I WILL FUCK YOU UP, even though he’s MD. Honestly, his Cobra Kai energy is so ferocious I won’t be surprised if he moves back to CK eventually. Anyway, I love him.


26. Most shippable character?

 Miguel, hands down. It’s because he’s so affable and sweet overall. And because his hair is so fluffy and pettable that no one can resist touching it. I like to imagine that one day he and Hawk are talking about their hair and Hawk makes a joke about how Miguel’s mane is getting so long that it’s going to be bigger than his own, and then he reaches out to ruffle it and internally has a bisexual meltdown because oh no IT’S SO SOFT AND NICE. But uh... anyway, yes. Definitely Miguel.

[returnofismasm]

Not to long form Loki meta in 2021 (sorry to my followers, but most of y’all know me personally....) but. Season 2 wishlist!

Season 1 wasn’t perfect, but I generally had a grand time watching it. It felt a lot like RTD-era Doctor Who--has some flaws, but you can tell everyone had a good time making it, and I had a good time watching it, and I’m glad there’s going to be more. 

So some things I’d love to see in season 2:

1. More exploration of Loki’s bisexuality. I’m really glad that Kate Herron made a point to get this confirmed, but more please! Whether that means a boyfriend or just references to past boyfriends is, I think, dependent on how many episodes the season gets. Without throwing a rock into the hornets nest of the selfcest discourse (seriously, don’t bring it here, make your own post) the Loki/Sylvie romance did feel a little rushed, so if they’re going to commit to that, I’d rather they stick with it then messing with a love triangle or something. If the backstabbing at the end of time has killed that dead, then yes. Boyfriend. Either way, have Loki reminisce about past lovers (was the reason Sif and the Warriors Three were all kinda done with Loki outside of him being Thor’s Kid Brother they have to hang out with because he’d dated most of them at one point? Hmm?)

2. On that note, more genderfluidity. They definitely dropped the ball on that. I’m cis so HOW that should be done is not really my lane. I liked the scene in Original Sin where Thor remarks that “These are fair maidens” and Loki responds “So am I, sometimes” so something like that would be good? But again, I do not want to talk over genderfluid folks on this topic. Just you know, do better, MCU. 

3. A follow up on the idea from episode 5 where Loki remarks that “We’re more powerful that we realize” when watching Classic Loki’s massive illusion of Asgard. The idea that magic--or at least, magic as learned on Asgard--is in part confidence could be really interesting. MCU Loki is weaker in magic than Comics Loki, and while the show did do a lot to try to close that gap, they do have to make it work with “Well if he can do this why didn’t he do it during Thor/Avengers/Infinity War/etc.” Loki’s a character with a lot of self-loathing he compensates for with a vastly overinflated opinion of himself, and neither of those things are true confidence. His most impressive magic display (moving the falling building) seemed to happen when he wasn’t really thinking too hard about it, so the seeds of having Loki’s magic get stronger as becomes more grounded are already there. Classic Loki was depressed, but he did also have a lot more actual confidence than any Loki we’d seen up to that point. 

4. Thor and Loki growing up, and also Thor and Loki reunion. Some scenes like in Good Omens, with Crowley and Aziraphale through history. It’s made blatantly clear that Loki misses Thor desperately, so it would be kinda weird if they never saw each other again. I just want them to hug, guys!

5. A longer episode run! Six is, well it’s FINE, but I think eight to ten would be ideal. I know Marvel Studios has a lot of stuff to fund, but it’s not like this show is a risk on the financial side. 

6. More Ravonna Renslayer! COVID apparently really messed with some stuff they wanted to explore with her, but we’ve got another go around on this. More Ravonna!

[pudgecuddles]

My Content & Boundaries

[No need to be alarmed! Nothing has happened to prompt this, I just figured it was about time that I pin a post like this.]

Welcome to my kink blog! This post is here to introduce myself, disclose what type of content that I may reblog or post here (including trigger warnings) and state my boundaries concerning who I want and don’t want interacting with me or my blog.

Intro:

Hi! I’m pudgecuddles! I’ve been here in the community as a lurker since 2018, and finally got around to making this sideblog about 2 years ago under the handle “prettypudgy”. I changed my username slightly after some twitter douchecanoes took screenshots of my content and made threads mocking it.

I am 24 years old and identify as female. Please use she/her pronouns when referring to me. I won’t be mad at all though if you use they/them or he/him, but I’ll probably just gently let you know what I prefer  :)

I am aromantic/asexual, meaning that I do not experience romantic or sexual attraction to people of any gender identity or expression. I still experience aesthetic attraction, and of course enjoy the concept of weight gain as a kink.

Although I am participating in them, I am not looking for RP partners at the moment!

My Content and the Content I Reblog:

Although I do like fluffy and mild WG content (ya’ll who make that type of content are amazing and beautiful and deserve all the love and reblogs in the world), I do enjoy darker and less popular tropes/kinks as well. Up until recently the majority of the stuff I’ve reblogged has been cute and moderate, but I have been working on my own stories and RPs which happen to be on the more intense/darker side.

My content going forward may include topics such as:

Extreme Weight Gain Immobility Mind Break Pet/Pig Play BDSM Humiliation Manipulation Feminization Dub-Con Watersports Eproctophilia Slob Abusive Relationships (it’s not something I enjoy writing, but I may reblog it)

I will always tag specific topics and tropes that may not be for everyone such as immobility or fart kink stuff. And definitely triggering content such as dub-con or degradation. For example, I will tag it as “Immobility”, “cw Immobility” and “tw Immobility”, in case someone has only one tag blacklisted.

Please keep yourself safe! This community is supposed to be a comfortable, creative area where users can curate a homepage of content that matches thier tastes and respects their boundaries. I will not be offended at all if you decide to block me or my written/rendered content. All I ask is if you’re already an acquaintance or mutual of mine that you let me know before you do  :)  You don’t even need to tell me why, I just don’t want to wonder if I made you mad or were ignoring me on purpose.

Zero hard feelings, seriously! The block button is there to protect you!

Boundaries:

Please do not hit on me, or unexpectedly discus sexual topics without me knowing your age and instigating it. It is different if I already know you and am comfortable speaking with you like that.

Yes: Pudgecuddles: Wow that drawing is ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) You, 18+: Wanna see him get bigger? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

No: Pudgecuddles: Wow! I love your line work! It’s so clean and really compliment’s the shading! You, 18+: Wanna see him get bigger? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

No: Pudgecuddles: Wow! I love your line work! It’s so clean and really compliment’s the shading! You, 16: Wanna see him get bigger? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Yes: Pudgecuddles: Wow! I love your line work! It’s so clean and really compliment’s the shading! You, 16: Thank you so much! ^_^  What do you think about the shape of his hands?

Minors: If you do not have your age, (or at least an 18+ only, or “I am an adult!”) in your bio, I will either ask you for your age or choose not to interact directly with you. This is not a punishment or a personal vendetta. I just do not feel comfortable interacting directly with minors when it comes to NSFW kink content. I am okay with reblogging your content, as supporting those in the community that are still young and exploring their identities in a safe and distant way is very important to me. I am so happy for you that you have found a welcoming and protective space to safely explore your sexuality and discuss your favorite groups. It’s what I wish I had when I was younger.

But I ask that you don’t attempt to private message me or participate in conversations that are sexual in nature.

Bigotry: Do not interact with me, my blog or my content if you do not support all LGBTQ+ identities. This includes but is not limited to: Transgender folk, Bisexuals, Pansexuals, Polysexuals, Omnisexuals, Asexuals, Aromantics and Non-Binary/Agender peeps. TERFs, exclusionists and Battleaxe Bisexuals are not welcome and will be insta-blocked. Same with those that participate in “discourse” on these topics.

If you do not believe that Black Lives Matter or support Donald Trump or any conservative party, politician or policy, please unfollow and block me. They have killed thousands of people and actively lobby against minorities.

This is the only time that I will be political on this blog. I am infinitely more outspoken/advocating on my main, but this sideblog is supposed to be a stress-free, kinky escape from the horrors of reality. I go on my main to reblog petitions, I go on here to reblog erotica.

This does not mean that I do not care, or that I am not an ally or that I enable racists or transphobes. It just means that I recognize that sometimes people get burnt out from constantly being reminded of the policies that harm them, or acts of violence against their race. I want this blog to be an escape, for both myself and my followers.

Hate/Trolling: Hateful or negative comments on me or my friend’s content will get your account blocked. This ranges from “ew” to telling them to kill themselves. This behavior is not tolerable anywhere, and the more extreme comments will be reported to Tumblr staff. Comments saying our content is disgusting will automatically tell me you think it’s hot and are in denial. How very sad. I will dedicate my grossest story to you specifically.

Inter-Community Drama: Mob behavior, brigading, witch hunting, call out posts (vague or by name), vitriolic hate and bullying of any type is something that makes me extremely uncomfortable due to having experienced cyberbullying in the past. Making people deactivate, continuing to attack them after apologies and other related behavior will get you blocked no matter the quality of your content, your standing in the community or our relationship history.

I cannot deal with seeing that behavior and it scares me continuing to interact with those that I learn can so easily turn on their friends like that.

That’s All Folks!

[nix-that-rad-lass]

I don't understand your rant. Bisexuals are unable to be gay and that's not an insult against them because bisexuality is an entirely separate orientation than homosexuality. Nobody called them tainted and if someone did, who gives a fuck, bisexuals don't suffer from heterophobia for all the bi women choosing male partners.

It makes no sense to derail goldstar discourse to defend bisexuals, it just adds to everyone's suspicion you empathize with bisexuals instead of lesbians because you don't understand what it means to be exclusively same sex attracted.

You’re really calling non gold stars bi?? Really? Anon this is not the take you think it is.

1. I didn’t call them tainted. Yet I have seen multiple puritans imply that, and imply that NGS & bi women are both lesser than or inferior to gold star lesbians.

2. “Who gives a fuck” what the fuck? So you’re happy to throw women under the bus because they are bi? Fuck you.

3. “Derail” how the fuck is talking about a ngs experience derailing GS & NGS EXPERIENCES?? Pull your head out of your ass.

4. “Adds suspicion” that I can fucking empathize?? Really?

5. “Don’t understand” ah yes. Thank you for enlightening me that you, a random fuckwad on the internet, knows me better than I know myself. Please do everyone a favor and fuck right off.

6. “Not an insult” yet gold star puritans treat other women like total fucking shit. Just because they don’t insult them to their face doesn’t mean they aren’t being shitty.

7. When the fuck did I ever say or imply that being gay and bi are the same?

Fucking hell.

[tricky-pockets]

oh god i didn't mean for this to be an essay

here is a story about bi and pan as labels:

once upon a time, people were less aware that trans and nonbinary people existed. when people started becoming more aware of these identities, we asked ourselves (1) can I be attracted to people who are not cis? and (2) does that mean I need to update my labels?

The first question is a weird one to think about now because we generally accept that it's shitty to assume you could never be attracted to a trans or nonbinary person. Nevertheless, it's a question that a lot of us had to ask sincerely.

I was comfortable with a 'yes' fairly quickly, in part because I was already bisexual and didn't have experience with lack of attraction based on gender. I imagine that it was similar for a lot of bi people.

As for the second question...

The trouble. The TROUBLE, okay. The trouble is that the word 'bisexual' has the prefix 'bi-'. And I think a VERY LARGE PORTION of the label Discourse is because some of us did this:

"oh wait now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I like more than 2 genders."

"but 'bi' sounds like two. uh oh."

"you know what sounds less like a binary? PANsexual. Or Omnisexual. that sounds more BIG."

This was a quick way to emphasize attraction to trans and nonbinary people. Others of us updated their internal definition of 'bisexual' and worked to raise awareness of trans/nb inclusion within that existing identity. To me, neither of those approaches seem transphobic or enbyphobic.

Today, those terms have subtle variations in meaning depending on the person - sometimes differentiated by the nature of the attractions and so on - but a lot of people see the terms as basically synonyms. And at this point, it's pretty well-accepted that no sexuality excludes trans/nb people by default. Generally speaking, people are not choosing labels because they think the other labels are exclusionary.

In summary, as a trans and nonbinary person: please stop calling each other trans- and enbyphobic; it's all fine. In a very practical sense, bi, pan, and omni people are equally likely to include me in their internal definitions of their own sexuality.

[fandomshatelgbtqpeople]

There’s a post that’s been bothering me for literally four years. It managed to somehow be both homophobic and transphobic and the (very popular) social justice blogger who made it never got any serious blowback. I’m going to post a screencap of it here, but I won’t say who it’s from because it was four years ago. What I will say is that as far as I know, they have never addressed it or apologized despite having been asked more than once, never did anything about all the people in the notes using it as a reason to be homophobic, and that they are still a pretty popular, well regarded blog.

This post was made in response to part of an old conversation that got dragged up. It was one of those things that’s like, maybe this was okay, maybe it wasn’t, depending on the context, which I’ve never been able to find. The person who originally pulled it up was a transphobe who was talking about “biological sex,” so I don’t trust their judgment or intentions, but a broken clock is right twice a day, so it’s possible that something actually homophobic was said. I haven’t posted it here because that would just be taking it out of context again and as OP has pointed out, that isn’t helpful. Here’s the part of their response that deals with monosexuals and making assumptions about people’s gender. The rest of the post talked about why taking the comment out of context didn’t accurately represent their feelings and how the conversation had also been about biphobia and bi erasure, and that’s all fine.

It starts out fine (making assumptions about someone’s gender and anatomy based on their appearance is cissexist and we should all try not to do it), but it turns into “and I don’t do that because I’m bisexual.” Which like, you’re a cis woman so yes you fucking do. I’m nonbinary and I still do it sometimes. And then there’s that line at the end about how gay and straight people’s orientations are based on assumptions about people’s gender and anatomy. 

I’ll note that they were talking about monosexuals, which includes lesbians, gay men, and all straight people and was also read like it was directed at people who were doing it out of ignorance rather than malice, so this post was not specifically about terfs and isn’t really applicable to them at all because they know exactly what they’re doing. Terfs were also considered just as bad in 2015 as they are now, so if that comment had been about terfs, they could have said that and it would have gotten them off the hook with the people who were calling them out in good faith.

They then wrote out a longer explanation about what their current feelings were on the subject. This is broken up into two images just because it was too long to screencap at once. I haven’t removed anything. The first post and second reblog are the OP:

They later edited the post twice--once to specify that they were only talking about cis monosexuals and once to add “and sometimes also bi and pan people do this too,” which did little to address the fact that this post was literally claiming that being gay or straight was inherently problematic and that bi and pan people were automatically less transphobic by virtue of their sexual orientation and just ended up implying that it’s only okay to be gay if you’re trans (because I guess that means you’re woke enough to stop yourself from being attracted to people on sight?). Here’s 

Four years ago, I wasn’t really able to articulate a response that cut to the root of why this post bothered me so much more than any other homophobic or transphobic bullshit and to navigate around the fact that there are parts of it that I genuinely agree with (most of the stuff about anatomy), but I’m older and more practiced now, so here we go.

This post is based on a number of incorrect assumptions:

That gay people can’t find someone they’re not attracted to aesthetically pleasing to look at

That gay people are, across the board, only attracted to certain genitalia and base their sexual orientations off that

That gay people’s thoughts immediately jump to sex the first time they’re attracted to someone

That the only way to be bi is to be attracted to every gender

That gay people base their assumptions about people’s gender on whether they’re attracted to them

That still being willing to have sex with someone after finding out you were wrong about their gender makes your assumption less transphobic

They were not willing to listen to any of the gay people in their notes trying to explain to them that this isn’t actually how being gay works at all or any of the bi, pan, or trans people who called them out for being way out of their lane. The only person they responded to at all was a trans lesbian who pointed out that they hadn’t ever specified that they were only talking about cis gay people (that person also pointed out several ways in which the post was homophobic, none of which were addressed beyond “that’s not what I meant”). 

Basically, the thesis statement here is, “Gay people’s attraction is based solely around sex and genitals and none of them are attracted to trans people, but bi and pan people are attracted to everyone so we don’t make as many assumptions about people’s gender, and when we do it’s less problematic.” Which is obviously very false for multiple reasons. 

I’m going to go through all of these assumptions and talk about the underlying thought processes underpinning them and how they’re even more insidious than they seem on the surface. 

1. Gay people can’t find someone they’re not attracted to aesthetically pleasing to look at

This is actually one of the more benign assumptions and what it really comes down to is not understanding that thinking, “That person is hot” isn’t the same thing as thinking, “I would be interested in pursuing a sexual relationship with that person” (which also isn’t necessarily the same thing as thinking “I would be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with that person” but this post completely ignores that romance might be part of being gay--we’ll get to that later). It’s really just a fundamental misunderstanding about what sexual attraction is and how it works. 

2. Gay people are, across the board, only attracted to certain genitalia 

The obvious thought process underlying this attitude is that you have to be attracted to women in some capacity to want to date and trans man and vice versa for trans women. There are two possible assumptions that could be causing this. The first is that all gay people (and all straight people) are transphobic and only care about genitalia. The second is that a trans man who hasn’t had bottom surgery isn’t really enough of a man for someone who’s only attracted to men to want to have sex with him, and the same for trans women. You’re either being homophobic or transphobic here. 

In fact, what it really reveals about OP is that, regardless of their self-righteousness on this topic, they are the one equating being attracted to women with being attracted to vaginas and being attracted to men with being attracted to penises. That’s not to say that there isn’t a transphobia problem in gay communities, but the implication here is that these are the objective definitions of being a lesbian and a gay man respectively. There are definitely cis lesbians who date trans women and cis gay men who date trans men. 

OP assigned a transphobic, incorrect definition to gay people and then based a lot of their argument on that. We see this a lot in ace discourse (”it means not wanting to fuck”) and in bi vs pan discourse (”it excludes nonbinary people”). It would be a problem if it was true, but it’s not, and while there are people who ascribe to that definition, those people wrong. There are lots cissexist bi and pan people who equate gender and genitalia until told otherwise, and it’s not less transphobic when they do it. It’s a transphobia problem, not a being gay problem.

3. Gay people’s thoughts immediately jump to sex as soon as they’re attracted to someone

So this is just blatant sexualization of gay people, and it really explains a lot of about the first two assumptions. Being gay is all about sex, so if you’re gay, you can’t possibly think someone is hot without immediately thinking about what they look like naked and how you want to have sex with them. And of course because being gay is all about what kind of sex you want to have, your attraction must be defined by the genitalia of your partners. 

It should go without saying that this is really homophobic. Even for gay aros, this isn’t how it works. I guess I can understand how if you’re equally attracted to everyone, you might not understand how gender plays a roll in attraction outside of thinking about sex, but it does, and that you don’t get it doesn’t excuse this. It just means you shouldn’t have been talking about it.

4. The only way to be bi is to be attracted to every gender

 There are a couple of assumptions that could be underlying this. The possibility that’s most charitable to OP is that they are attracted to every gender and assume that that’s the only way to be bi. This is the only option that avoids exorsexism, but it is biphobic. 

The second possibility is an assumption that nonbinary people don’t exist. Therefore, the only way to be bi is to be attracted to both men and women. This is extremely exorsexist for obvious reasons. 

The third is a little more complicated, but it’s basically an assumption that being attracted to nonbinary people doesn’t, on it’s own, make someone bi. So, a person acknowledges that nonbinary people exist but basically thinks that either, because nonbinary people span so many identities, it’s impossible to be attracted to them if you’re not attracted to everyone. So a bi woman who’s attracted to nonbinary people and women shouldn’t exist because some nonbinary people identify so close to being a man that you couldn’t be attracted to them if you weren’t attracted to men. This is where the fetishization argument that a lot of exlusionists use comes from (I’m not saying that OP is an exclusionist, this is just the underlying ideology they use), and it ignore the fact that identifying as being attracted to women and nonbinary people doesn’t mean you’re attracted to ALL women and nonbinary people. It just means you can be attracted to women and nonbinary people.

Another possible mindset underlying that assumption is that if you aren’t attracted to everyone, the nonbinary people you’re attracted to must be so close as to be indistinguishable from whatever binary gender you’re attracted to, and therefore don’t count as being a different gender. That mindset stems from not thinking aboit nonbinary genders as being as legitimate or meaningful as binary genders and from seeing nonbinary people as basically whatever binary gender you think they’re closest to (”If you’re a bi woman who is attracted to men and nonbinary people, you’re really straight because your nonbinary partner looks like/acts like/is basically a man”). This is again exorsexist for reasons that should be obvious. 

5. Gay people base their assumptions about people’s gender on whether they’re attracted to them

This is the assumption that gay people go: 

I’m attracted to this person -> They must be a man/woman

rather than

I think this person is a man/woman -> I’m attracted to them

This frames gay people’s attraction as the reason the assumption about someone else’s gender is being made, and not the fact that we were all raised in a cissexist society. It’s also lets cis bi and pan people completely off the hook cissexism. If gay people’s assumptions about other people’s gender is caused by or is somehow made worse being attracted to them, then bi and pan people should be basically immune because they’re attracted to everyone (according to OP).

The mindset underlying this assumption is that there are people that you are innately attracted to and gay people are just attempting to shape their sexual orientation around their best guess at who those people are. Therefore, everyone is... I don’t know, varying degrees of bi I guess?... and gay people (and straight people) are just the transphobes who assume they know what everyone’s gender is, while bi and pan people are enlightened enough to realize they don’t. OP claimed in the notes that they weren’t saying monosexual orientations don’t exist, but if the point your making is that monosexual orientations are based solely around an assumption that’s probably wrong, then that is what you’re saying. And they definitely didn’t correct the first reblogger, who was unequivocally saying that.

It completely ignores the probability that a person’s attraction would disappear after finding out the person’s gender was actually not compatible with their sexual orientation, or the possibility that a gay person might know someone at least well enough to have some idea of what their gender is before becoming sexual attracted to them (because, as we’ve covered, just thinking someone is hot isn’t the same as attraction, and many gay people aren’t fantasizing about sex with complete strangers). Unless we’re talking about a closeted trans person, you usually don’t have to know someone that well to know what their gender is.

Shocker: most assumptions about people’s gender are made because they “look like” one of the binary genders, have certain secondary sex characteristics, have a traditionally masculine or feminine name, use he/him or she/her pronouns, or have a certain gender marker on their driver’s license. These are all things that bi and pan people are equally susceptible to. 

6. Still being willing to have sex with someone after finding out you were wrong about their gender makes your assumption less transphobic

It super doesn’t. You still made the assumption. Framing it this way implies that transphobia is all about whether you would be willing to have sex with a trans person. I shouldn’t need to explain why that’s bad.

In conclusion

I want to mention that OP clarified that they weren’t try to say that everyone is bi in a reblog, but if that’s genuinely true then... I honestly don’t know how this post made sense to them. The point is either “people only think they’re gay or straight because they’re making assumptions about other people’s genders” OR “gay people want to have sex with strangers and that’s problematic (but it’s fine if a bi or pan person does it).” Which is a great example of someone setting a standard that requires huge changes from others but none from them and then getting self-righteous because other people don’t meet it (surprise surprise, the post I was referencing when I brought this up yesterday was from the same OP). 

Anyway, regardless of which is true, it’s wrong. This post is homophobic, transphobic, and also erases a lot of bi experiences, and I still can’t believe that so many people just let this go unchecked when it happened.

mod k

Note: I better not catch a single one of you using this post as an excuse to be biphobic. 

[itslmdee]

Fic: No Pride in Exlusionism

This month's theme is 'gatekeeping'. Today's piece looks at gatekeeping within the LGBTQ+ community.

"You're home early," Roger said. Mae sat heavily on the sofa next to him, kicking off her heels. She leaned over to kiss his cheek and then leaned back, staring at the ceiling.

Roger muted the tv. "You okay?"

"I dropped out of the planning committee."

"Why?"

Mae shook her head, took a deep shuddering breath. "This party...Gays for Halloween. I wanted a different name from the start. What does that even mean? Gay people support a holiday that many people think is an American import? Pumpkins in pride colours?"

Roger shifted to look at her. "Actually I can see paper pumpkins in pride colours."

Mae gave a wry smile. "Me too. That's not why I quit. It was Josie mostly, her and Jane and Peter. I was filling up the urn in the kitchen before we got started and I heard Josie talking by the serving hatch. Saying they were so glad John had joined us, an actual gay. She was feeling the committee was being overrun by bihets."

"She said that?" Roger took Mae's hand.

"I had three serious relationships with women before we got married," Mae said. "I'm bisexual. Marrying you doesn't change that."

"I know." He squeezed her hand. "I know."

Mae squeezed back. "Me and Tim and Desiree are all bi. Laura's lesbian but Josie is suspicious of anyone who's ever dated a man though she gives Dan a pass for a past girlfriend. Anyway Jane was giggling and agreeing because I think she fancies Josie - only reason she agreed to be vice chair when Rachel said she needed fewer responsibilities this year. And Peter...my God."

Roger waited patiently. One of the cats wandered over to inspect Mae's discarded shoes.

"I'm not that much older than most of them," Mae said. "But they don't seem to know anything about the history of the gay rights movement. Queer history, except Josie says queer is a slur despite it being reclaimed and used to push for greater awareness. And so they're trying to force out anyone who isn't a gay man or a good enough lesbian. Peter had a lot of opinions on the right kind of trans people who should be allowed to participate. The group has become increasingly exclusionary."

"So you quit?"

"Yes. I will not gatekeep," Mae said. "I will not tolerate bihet being thrown around to try and exclude bisexuals, or cishets to exclude asexuals, or get involved in the dysphoria debate to try and debate the rights of trans people. Josie doesn't want LGBT let alone Q, I, and A. Josie and Peter want L and G and screw everyone else."

Roger sighed. "Maybe there's another group you can join. A more inclusive one."

"Maybe." Mae let go of Roger's hand and got to her feet. "I'm making coffee, want one?"

"Please."

Roger knew Mae had found kinship, friendship, and purpose over the last six years she'd worked with the LGBT+ community group. She'd miss it. But he also knew she was principled and wouldn't regret quitting rather than supporting exclusionism.

"Did you talk to Maggie about this?" he asked when Mae returned with their drinks.

"I told her I quit, apologised that she'd probably have to pick up my role in organising the Halloween party."

"What about Peter? Is Maggie the right kind of trans woman according to him?"

Mae shrugged. "Maggie can take care of herself," she said. "My only regret is that if Peter talks out of turn like I heard him doing with Josie is I won't get to watch Maggie rip him a new one."

Notes and further reading

A lot of this gatekeeping takes place online; people say they've only experienced being excluded from online spaces and not groups in real life. However there are some people reporting being harassed at Pride for being seemingly straight while being bisexual, trans, or nb in a heterosexual relationship. The people who say the A in the LGBTQA is for ally not asexual to gatekeep are probably the same ones trying to gatekeep anyone who doesn't look 'gay' enough from participating in Pride.

"With the advent of queer theory and the launch of Queer as Folk, “queer” became used online as a more concise umbrella term than the full LGBT+ acronym (which, depending on who you ask, is LGBTQQIP2SAA). Today, interpretations of “queer” go a step further, and its acceptance generally splits along generational lines. Many young people — myself included — view “queer” as a term defining all nonstraight, nonbinary identities. “Queer” addresses the fluidity of gender and sexual orientation" - https://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/2017/8/02/21-words-queer-community-has-reclaimed-and-some-we-havent#media-gallery-media-2

3 Differences Between the Terms ‘Gay’ and ‘Queer’ — and Why It Matters - https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/03/difference-between-gay-queer/

"The word "queer" has only recently been identified as a slur because of TERFs and exclusionists. Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists (TERF) and radical gender/sexuality bianarists are flooding social media and blogging sites with propaganda smearing the word queer in the hopes of silencing all of us who don’t identify with their hate politics. Queer is the one word that doesn’t worship exclusion." - https://aminoapps.com/c/lgbt-1/page/blog/history-of-the-word-queer/BQ4p_GxRHwu5Xz35RWB31oKMLp8XJ8r7Ybo

Tumblr repsonse to "What does bihet mean" - https://bisexual-community.tumblr.com/post/93798259302/this-probably-sounds-stupid-but-what-does-bihet

On ace discourse and exclusionism on the internet vs in real life - https://medium.com/@meganhoins/the-rhetoric-of-digital-ace-discourse-4a690792f0bc

"According to 2013 Pew Research Center data, about 84 percent of bisexual adults who are in “committed relationships” are with “opposite-sex partners.” Within a broader LGBT community that too often guesses someone’s sexual orientation based on who they happen to be with at the moment, that statistic means many bisexual people get read as “straight”—or, at least, something less than fully queer." https://www.thedailybeast.com/why-bisexuals-feel-ignored-and-insulted-at-lgbt-pride

"Transmedicalism is a term for a wide range of beliefs in the transgender community that are critical of transgender people who haven't medically transitioned and/or don't experience major dysphoria. Many transmedicalists (or "transmeds" for short) focus on gatekeeping....Although the debate has been going since the '60s, it has gained more notoriety in the Internet age, particularly on Tumblr. Transmedicalists may be called "transmeds" or "truscum," while anti-transmedicalists may be called "tucutes" or (often erroneously) "transtrenders." " - https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Transmedicalism

[thesydneyfeminists]

Five Things This Bisexual Feminist Wants You to Know About Pride

As I’m sure a lot of you are aware, June is celebrated as Pride Month in many parts of the world. These celebrations often include parades, rainbow colored EVERYTHING and heaps of social media posts reveling in everything LGBTQIA+. For a lot of people, Pride is a party – and rightly so. In a world that blatantly aims to keep us down, rejoicing in our lives and livelihoods is a form of resistance in and of itself. It’s important for us to let loose and have fun sometimes, to recharge and remind ourselves why we fight the good fight. However, during Pride Month (and really, all year round) it is equally critical to remember the painful parts of our history. Pride exists because people fought and died for a future we have yet to fully realize. As a part of this remembrance, it is imperative to highlight the ways in which various oppressed identities overlap and interact with LGBTQIA+ identities. By this statement, I simply mean we must remember and celebrate the black, trans, bisexual women who started Pride and continue fighting every day to ensure a safer future for all LGBTQIA+ people.

My last point is also significant to our understandings of feminism. Feminism must include a space for people from different oppressed minorities. My personal feminism is so tightly entwined with my identity as a bisexual person, it is nearly impossible to extract them. And those are only two of my many identities (which range from highly privileged to marginalized). So, while this piece isn’t directed specifically towards gender equality, I believe in my heart it is still “feminist”. Feminist movements must inextricably bind themselves to LGBTQIA+ rights movements. In the same vein, they must also join with anti-racist activism, disability activism, etc. As the famous slogan goes, our feminism must be intersectional, or it is bullshit. Whether you consider yourself a member of the LGBTQIA+ community or are just trying to better ally yourself with us, this article will hopefully resonate with you. It is only a short list and would benefit from additions from our lovely readers. So, feel free to comment things you want the world to about the LGBTQIA+ community. But, without further ado, here are my top five things I want everyone to know about Pride!

Image Description: The bisexual flag, which has a fat red stripe at the top, fat blue stripe on the bottom and a thinner purple stripe in the middle.

1.     All M-Spec identities are valid and deserve a place in Pride celebrations. For those of you who don’t know, M-Spec is a term used to describe the multi-gender spectrum of attraction. It’s another, more inclusive way of talking about identities which fall under the “bi umbrella.” It includes bisexual people, pansexual people, polysexual people and anyone else who is attracted to two or more genders and wants to be included! There’s a lot of discourse about this subject, even within the LGBTQIA+ community. But Pride was started by a bisexual woman and I firmly believe she would have been inclusive of her M-Spec family (https://www.advocate.com/bisexuality/2014/06/17/remembering-brenda-ode-%E2%80%98mother-pride%E2%80%99).

2.     No cops at pride. This point is another tenuous topic of discussion and has ended more than one friendship. But I think it’s important to state and even more important to analyze. The original pride was a riot, a protest specifically AGAINST the police state. It was meant to bring light to the very real, very visceral harm cops have done (and continue to do) to LGBTQIA+ people, especially BIPOC (black, indigenous people of color). I have heard all the counter-arguments and, for the most part, understand where people are coming from. But LGBTQIA+ people have the right to be fearful and distrustful of cops. Large masses of cops at pride don’t actually help keep any of us safe. There are better ways of creating and maintaining safe spaces for the LGBTQIA+ community (http://www.aaronxrose.com/blog/alternatives-to-police).

Image Description: Photo of a crowd of people holding up protest signs and the LGBTQIA+ flag. They are standing behind red police tape. Two police officers are standing in the road on the left side of the photo. 

3.     Our Pride celebrations absolutely MUST be accessible. This means, at the very least, wheelchair accessible venues and toilets, sign language translators, accessible parking spots, among many other examples. I would also personally love to see accommodations made for autistic people at Pride events. The crossover between autistic people and LGTQIA+ people is huge, and we deserve to feel comfortable and safe at big events like Pride.

4.     Please don’t assume “straight-looking” people are just allies and/or don’t belong at pride. I personally don’t mind cishetallo (cis, hetereosexual, allosexual, aka the opposite of asexual) people attending Pride events if they are aware of their place there. I enjoy bringing my straight boyfriend to Pride festivities and sharing that part of my life with him. However, just because you see a couple comprised of what you assume to be a “boy” and “girl”, it does not mean they aren’t part of the LGBTQIA+ community. Firstly, people you perceive to be one gender could be another/ non-gendered. I’m thinking especially of my nonbinary pals here. Second, one or both parts of a couple could fall under the M-Spec umbrella. Lastly, people could be questioning their sexual and gender identities. It’s not your (or our) place to judge people or interrogate their reasonings for being at Pride. As long as they are being respectful of the space, just live and let live!

Image Description: Photo of someone holding up a large, white sheet attached to two wooden poles. The middle of the sheet is painted messily in the colors of the rainbow. White, black letters are stenciled in the paint. They read “Love is love.” 

 5.     If you are a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, whatever that means to you, you deserve love, happiness and to feel safe. I wanted this last one to just be a shout out to my fellow LGBTQIA+ folks. I see you, I hear you, I want to validate the fuck out of you. Pride isn’t always a feel good, amazing time for all LGBTQIA+ people. If it’s not for you, please don’t feel bad. Whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your emotional state, do that. If celebrating who you are means watching your favorite show on Netflix all weekend in bed, that’s perfectly alright. No two of us are the same, and we are every single one of us amazing and wonderful. Yes, you too. Sending my love your way and hoping you find it in your heart to love yourself a bit more this month.

By: Brittany L. 

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this piece do not necessarily reflect the views of the Sydney Feminists. Our Blogger and Tumblr serve as platforms for a diverse array of women to put forth their ideas and explore topics. To learn more about the philosophy behind TSF’s Blogger/ Tumblr, please read our statement here: https://www.sydneyfeminists.org/a

[midnight-fox-boy]

More About me/Views/Etc.

Hello everyone~! This post will explain more about me, my views, and anything I flnd important to add. This will be kinda long so please buckle up ;3 

General Information

Age: 19 

Gender: Demifluidflux trans guy 

Pronouns: He/him, they/them is cool too

Sexual orientations: Gay, Demisexual

Romantic orientations: Gay, Demiromantic

Alterous Orientation: Homoalterous

Other: Polyamorous

Relationship status: Taken

I love anime, video games, drawing, singing, and just browsing the web. I like to learn new topics, and explore new ideas and sciences. I want to be a therapist someday, but if it doesn’t happen, that’s chill too. I’m polyamorous currently in a monoamorous relationship. I don’t usually participate in discourse but I do have opinions/views on different topics. I am mentally ill and prefer not to be attacked. If I do something wrong or say something offensive, I don’t mean it, or I’m simply uneducated on the topic when I thought I was. I’m happy to take polite criticsm and never mean to do harm to others. So nothing I say is ill-intended. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Views on certain discourse topics

Aspec Discourse: I believe that aromantics and asexuals are inherently LGBTQ+ and should be welcomed. However, it’s up to them if they choose to identify with LGBTQ+ or not. 

Nonbinary discourse. Yes there are more than two genders. And no it doesn’t mean “Neither male or female” Nonbinary means: “Not explicitly a single binary gender” Which can mean someone can be both binary genders, one binary gender and other nonbinary genders, no binary gender, etc etc. So yes. I CAN be a guy and nonbinary. 

Xenogenders: I may not be able to comprehend it 100% But I KNOW that gender is diverse and confusing and you can label your gender however you want. Just be you! You have my support.

Nonbinary Gays/Nonbinary lesbians: YES nonbinary people can be gay or lesbian. Many of them are nonbinary women or men. Meaning they identify with womanhood/manhood no matter how that is. Maybe they have a primarily woman or man gender, maybe they’re man/woman aligned. Whatever. You do not get to dictate who is gay enough or lesbian enough :) 

(NO)MAPS: Are scum. Do not interact, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.If you support them then get the f**k off my blog please! I am a CSA survivor and will NOT tolerate pedophilia.

Am I a transmed/truscum? Am a tucute?: Well, no. I’m none of those. I do not believe dysphoria is required to be trans. As many studies show gender incongruence is all you need, dysphoria manifests in some trans people as a result of incongruence. Gender euphoria also exists. This is not a topic I would like to debate. However, I do believe that dysphoria or incongruence should be medicalized in SOME form in order for trans people to be able to get gender affirming treatments. (Hormones, surgeries). I would love to live in a world where those things are free regardless, however :/ (P.S. I am dysphoric)

Kink/BDSM: Well. I participate in BDSM and kink, but I do not post about it or discuss on my blog. I have spaces for that and this isn’t one of them. So no worries about running into any kinky posts on my blog. That wont happen. If it ever does, it was an accident. 

Transtrenders: I DO believe that RARELY, some cis people will pretend to be trans, not necessarily as a “trend” but to gain something in return, usually online. They may use it as an excuse to chase other trans people, or to have more “power” in a trans based argument. However, when people are accused of being trenders, they are usually not, they are just not what YOU feel gender should be. And people who fear they’re trenders? Impossible. You would know if you were faking. 

Self Diagnosis: I’m divided on this. You shouldn’t self diagnose many things. Like a heart condition, or cancer, or other extremes. But if you know you’re depressed all the time and can’t see a therapist, you probably have depression. If you haven’t been diagnosed with PTSD but experienced something trauamtic and show symptoms of PTSD, You probably have PTSD. If you were confirmed to likely have a certain mental illness but perhaps didn’t fit the “age requirements” for said diagnosis, you can probably take that as an unofficial diagnosis. As long as aren’t flaunting it to seem “cool” (and most don’t) and are using those self dx’s to find help resources online and such, you’re probably good. 

Fujoshis: Touchy topic I know. I do not agree when this word is used in specific contexts.

1) when girls think MLM relationships are “hot/sinful/sexy/dirty” , especially IRL MLM relationships, I think that’s fetishization, much like how many cishet men view WLW relationships  2) when it’s directed as a hate word towards gay trans men. I’ve been called a fujoshi for being a gay trans guy, and many of you probably have to. It’s wrong y’all. Gay trans men are gay men. Gay nonbinary men are gay men. 

Pansexual vs. Bisexual: Both are valid labels. All multisexual labels are valid. Labels are for you to feel comfortable with, and as long as you aren’t choosing one over the other due to biphobia/internilized homophobia, you’re probably good. Bisexual attracted to all genders? Valid. Pansexual with preferences? valid. Bisexual attracted to many genders? Valid. Pansexual and feeling attraction regardless of gender? Valid. Bisexual and identify the same way? Valid! 

Genital preference: Another touchy topic! The sad truth is that genitals DO matter to many people. Maybe it’s from truama, or an actual repulsion to a genital set. However, it should never EVER be used to excuse transphobia. You can not want to date a trans person who is pre-op, that’s fine, your loss not theirs. However, you cannot use that genital preference to see them as lesser, or as not “real” men/women. I personally have a preference for penises, but it’s only a preference. I would still potentially date a trans guy who is pre-op or never-op, but I prefer penises. But as I’m also gay, I likely wouldn’t date a trans woman who is pre-op/no-op. Because well, she’s a woman. So to summarize, genital preferences are OK as long as you aren’t a dick about it, or transphobic. :) 

Trans people and gender conformity: Alrighty. This is a favorite topic of mine. Do trans people owe gender conformity? Do nonbinary people OWE people androgyny? Nope. Cisgender people are gender-nonconforming all the time without dysphoria. We see butch cis women and Fem cis dudes all the time. So I say, why do trans men and women owe something different? While it is true that early in transition being GNC CAN cause dysphoria, that isn’t always the case. Early in transition I usually avoided feminine things and interests unless I was in the comfort of my home, but now I’m open to, and embrace my feminine and androgynous side. I’m in no way a woman, I just happen to enjoy some stereotypical feminine things. Many trans men do. As for nonbinary people, they can present however they want. Androgynous, feminine, masculine, fluid presentation, mixing it up, genderf**k, whatever. Their body, their choice. Sometimes you may be able to “tell” someone is nonbinary by looking at them, and that’s totally okay. There is no “looking nonbinary”. All looks on a nonbinary person are nonbinary. 

Anti/Anti-Anti?: Honestly I’m still confused in all of that stuff. Fiction CAN and HAS affected reality. That’s not to say that you can’t enjoy certain thinsg seen as “taboo” but there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed. PEDOPHILIA. You should not write, nor consume, fiction that presents a CHILD with an ADULT. It’s true that some pedophiles will write these to bring minors in and harass them. Even then, it gives stories for those sick f**ks to read. Do you REALLY want a pedophile reading your story? I guess I’m anti-ish. You can enjoy things that are otherwise problematic as long as you don’t let it affect how you treat people in the real world. Maybe you liked reading that fictional story about kidnapping and got off to it or something weird like that, as long as you aren’t trying to kidnap anyone or shit like that, I guess you do you, keep it to yourself though.

“NB” - Nonbinary or Non-black?: I went with POC voices on this. I will no longer use “NB” to mean nonbinary on my blog. You will likely just see “nonbinary” or “enby” used by me. 

Aspec, autistic spectrum or Asexual/aromantic spectrum?: I’ve seen very little evidence or claim on the side of “autistic spectrum” being the term. Many responses ive seen and sources claim it means asexual/aromantic spectrum, and has even been echoed by autistic people, a lot of them. If I see evidence suggetsing otherwise, I’m happy to change my language. I don’t want to be ableist. 

Butch/Femme, lesbian terms only?: I say no. I’ve seen a lot of articles, personal accounts, and history on the use of butch and femme. And none suggest they were terms only used by lesbians. From what I can tell, this idea seemed to be spread by “radical” lesbians and TERF’s. In history, many lesbians tried to distance themselves from all men, and encouraged non-lesbian women not to associate with men. This is obviously just a small tidbit of what they did in that time. However, I personally don’t use butch or femme, and don’t really plan to.

Specifically “weird” or crazy seeming kinks/BDSM styles: All I say is, you do you. If all parties are adults and consent to it, good on you. Just, keep it to yourself or in spaces dedicated to those things. As long as you don’t get off to ACTUAL CHILDREN, or try to bone or jerk it to an animal, you’re probably okay. Also don’t do incest, that stuff is bad. 

!!If there’s a discourse topic you’d like to see here, you can PM me or send me an ask. I’m happy to shed my opinions on stuff, but they will go here!!

[aceys]

i think the bi vs pan thing is very cultural bc depending on where you are, ppl are mainly bi bc “pan is the same thing” (like you) or ppl are mainly pan bc “bi is exclusionary” and i got so tired of the discourse that i’m just gay bro like i fuckin hate ppl ripping eachother apart bc of bi vs pan can’t we just love eachother bro???? like ugh i literally STOPPED id ing as bi and/or pan bc of this dumb shit i hate it so much but i rly do think it depends on where ur from

i can see that. i suppose it depends on who you interact with and how you interpret it yourself. it is frustrating, i agree with you. i initially identified as pan when i was younger, but now i call myself bi because to me, it’s 1) easier to understand 2) more well-known 3) basically the same thing as pan (like you said, in my opinion). 

i mean, ideally, we wouldn’t need labels at all, which would solve this whole mess, but i just watched dan howell’s new video (and yes i’m a wreck about it, please message me i just wanna talk) and he mentioned how humans need labels so we can put everything into neat boxes and like, i understand that. people want a way to categorize themselves so they can better understand these concepts. because they’re difficult things to fully realize! something as expansive and confusing as sexuality and gender is difficult to quantify in one word. 

so, on one hand, i do understand why some people would want to label themselves as pan instead of bi. if they think it fits them better, that’s reasonable. on the other hand, though, it’s frustrating to me that we need these sorts of labels at all, especially when it’s such miniscule differences (i mean, even if you do take bi and pan as different, it’s just so similar either way and you have to admit that). especially when the entire origin of pansexuality was to be a more “inclusive” bisexuality. when you phrase it like that, it’s insulting, and even more especially to the people who quantify it as “pan means attraction to men, women, trans women, and trans men,” which is why you’ll see me calling it transphobic occasionally. including trans people as the difference between bi and pan is what pisses me off. it’s transphobic and rude to imply that they’re not real men or women. now, as for nonbinary people, that’s a different story, but at the same time, i don’t think attraction to enbys requires a separate label. 

if you look up bisexuality, the official definition is “attraction to two or more genders”. that, i think, bridges the gap between bi and pan, and successfully includes nonbinary people in an accepting way. any other differences, such as “pan people are attracted to people, not their gender!” are just making a mockery of both of the sexualities.

so, again, ideally, we wouldn’t need any of these labels. but we’re humans, and humans love labels, so if someone wants to be uber-specific and identify as pansexual, i mean, who am i to stop them? just a kid on the internet-- that is to say, no one. but, as you do, i love tossing in my two cents, those cents being that, inherently, the implied differences between bisexuality and pansexuality are so miniscule and meaningless that there is really no need for multiple labels at all.

that’s my rant. hopefully it makes sense. lemme know what you think.

[veridium]

oc interview meme

I was tagged by the lovely @trvelyans to write a hypothetical interview of one of my OC’s! So, I did everybody’s favorite ice-haired toasted cinnamon roll, Theia!

1. What is your name?

“I have a lot of names nowadays, I suppose. Inquisitor, Herald of Andraste, Your Worship. Maker, someone called me “Sarah” the other day, and I didn’t correct them. I suppose that says something about how jaded I’ve become with all my misnomers.“

2. What is your real name?

“What, not Goddess? Well, if you were to ask my Father, it would be Theia Sofia Trevelyan. I was given the prettiest name out of all three children, I should add.“ 

3. Do you know why you were called that?

“The name “Theia” means “holy,” an adjective my family is particularly fond of, as I’m sure their reputation entails. My middle name “Sofia” means wisdom, so quite literally, my parents wished to imbue me with “holy wisdom.” Maker’s breath, isn’t that some sick joke now?“

4. Are you single or taken?

“My occupation would insist single, the gossip would say taken many times and by many people. But, the truth? Hopelessly taken by one remarkable woman. Please tell her I said that, so she’s softened up when I tell her I ate the last piece of peanut brittle.“

5. Have any abilities or powers?

“Are you joking? Who doesn’t know the answer to that question after all I’ve been through. You cannot hide the fact that your body is a walking lightning rod when it’s gotten you in and out of the Fade twice, closed a Breach in the sky, and survived weaponized time magic.

But, for the sake of not sounding egotistical, yes, I do. I am a Mage who focuses on ice and storm abilities. I also have this most inconvenient mark on my hand that is embedded elven magic. Try bringing that up casually at parties.“

6. Stop being a Mary Sue.

“It isn’t “being” anything if you’re honestly that good.“

7. What’s your eye color?

“Purple. Yes, purple. It’s a maternal trait that just happened to match with my powers. People think I’m so fashionable but I really could not help it.”

8. How about your hair color?

“Ice white, pale blonde? I switch between the two. Regardless of its category, it’s rather hard not to point out in a crowd. Another one of my family’s most generous gifts.“

9. Have you any family members?

“For better or worse, yes. My parents, though my Mother, Stefania Lisoleth Trevelyan -- Maker, she sounds as pompous as she was in real life -- has since passed. My Father, Tristian Trevelyan, still resides in the Free Marches. There’s my insufferable brother who is his namesake. My sister, Lucilla Victoire, is older and married to some nobleman I haven’t cared enough to get to know. You can spot us rather quickly, we’re the group of emotionally suppressed faces with icey hair.“

10. Oh? What about pets?

“I have a small cat whom I rescued from Crestwood. She is young and tabby in color, and I just adore her! I wish I was here more to actually bond with her. She wanders Skyhold rather freely, much to everyone’s chagrin. Her name is Obsidian, after the kinds of metals we found in Crestwood. I call her “Sid” for short.“

11. That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like.

“If Ambassador Montilyet were to hear someone actually asked me to list out my dislikes, she’d be furious. I am rather obnoxious with my opinions. I dislike pretentiousness, disloyalty, and shallowness. So, perhaps I should say the vast majority of the Orlesian Empire.“

12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?  

“Reading, practicing my magic, and provoking Josephine’s temper. I do not have the time for much else, these days.”

13. Ever hurt anyone before?

“Oh, plenty, yes. Pick a more specific category.”

14. Ever… killed anyone before?

“Are you joking, again? I swear you must be. If you must know, you can read whatever filthy periodical is making rounds in the towns and villages of Orlais.”

15. What kind of animal are you?

“This would be a fantastic question for Morrigan, I’d imagine. But as for me, I don’t shapeshift or liken myself to animals. Although, people suggest I look rather animalistic when I am in the heat of combat.”

16. Name your worst habits.

“I am very self-conscious and insecure at times. I take things personally, and I feel culpable when there is injustice. Though, I do not necessarily see that as a flaw all of the time. Plus, in this role I’m in, I feel it to be most fitting.”

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

“Of course I do! After all, both the Hero of Fereldan and the Champion of Kirkwall are Mages, and women, for that matter. I would be foolish not to have admiration for them, and feel humbled in my own shoes. I also have quite a bit of respect for Cassandra and Leliana. They have stewarded this movement with courage and resolve in spades. I consider myself honored to be able to work with them and be a leader amongst their ranks.”

18. Gay, straight, or bisexual?

*A whole minute of feisty, jubilant laughter* 

19. Do you go to school?

“I used to, if you’d call a Circle that. Most would say “formal blood-bath with books,” but, there you go.”

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

“I didn’t used to, but then I met someone who sold me on such dreams. While I do not really allow myself to aspire to such domestic joys, I do find that they have grown on me as ideals. However, Josephine and I are two women who do not know how to keep ourselves out of work or trouble. But, if I were honest, I’d marry her tomorrow if given the chance.”

21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?

I try my best to be a combination of intimidating and austere, but, I do have a following. Mostly of children, actually, especially the children of the Mages here. They scarcely have examples of Mages who are not demonized or erased from history, so, when they see us walking the halls or grounds, it’s like storybook characters come to life for them. I take pleasure in providing them with someone to look up to, even when I feel that I fail them sometimes. 

As for the adults, I would not wish to condescend and call them my fans, since they are putting their lives and livelihoods on the line for this cause. Especially those who joined us in Haven, when we had next to nothing. If anything, I am their fan.  

22. What are you most scared of?

“Letting everyone down, and proving to be less than the person who was needed. Losing the people I love, or endangering them unnecessarily. Being a fraud or imposter. Oh, and accidentally throwing out Josephine's stash of chocolates.”

23. What do you usually wear?

“I prefer a good fit of a hunter coat and breeches and some boots. When we travel, I am usually armored very well. On my off hours, a simple night dress would do. People say I have a flare for style, but, I am really just a product of my short-lived upbringing in the Free Marches. Women there are always smartly dressed, if not modest.”

24. Do you love someone?

“Romantically? Yes, completely. But I also love my friends, and my community here. Love, to me, is a protective and honorable virtue. The way I fight for what matters is by loving the person or the cause at hand. Perhaps that causes me more trouble than it’s worth, but, that is who I am.”

25. When was the last time you wet yourself?

“How can you honestly expect me to answer that? Also, if you’ve ever asked someone who bleeds once a month, you’d be surprised.”

26. Well, it’s not over yet!

“Oh, joy.”

27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class)

“My family is noble in our region, so I would say lower rung of the high class. The Free Marches is a self-governing province, at least, as much as one can be in the shadow of two Empires. If you have an long-winded ancestry in the region, you’re allowed a lot of privileges.”

28. How many friends do you have?

“Too many, especially the kind that likes to get into trouble for the sake of being a hero. You need some friends? Take mine, and give me a break.”

29. What are your thoughts on pie?

“Mediocre at best. You want a pleasurable dessert experience? Go with cake, always.”

30. Favorite drink?

“Tea, actually. I drink copious amounts of wine, sure, but nothing soothes the soul like a good cup of tea. Solas and I have engaged in discourse about this matter plenty of times.”

31. What’s your favorite place?

“If I were to answer that honestly, Josephine would have my clothes set on fire. Something about “not disclosing the intimate nature of a Diplomat’s life” or whatever. So, I will name my second favorite: the Emerald Graves at dawn, when the colors of the sky foreground the greens and blues on the land. It’s stunning, really. I hope I can commission a painter to recreate it so that I may have a piece of it forever.”

32. Are you interested in someone?

“Hah, as Dorian would say, yes of course, I am a endlessly interesting person, after all.”

33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

“Enough. They’re enough.”

34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

“Swimming in an ocean? The thought of it brings me ecstasy! Ocean, of course. Imagine the trouble I could get into, maybe make a few glaciers, float on an ice sheet...nevermind.”

35. What’s your type?

“Someone with the utmost integrity in their deeds, who has a golden heart and knows that kindness and compassion are two of the most powerful elements in the world. Also, if they are a fiery-tongued Antivan, that melts my icey heart, too.”

36. Any fetishes?

“I have tastes, of course. Though, I keep the number of people who are aware of them to a minimum, need-to-know basis.”

37. Seme or uke? Top or Bottom? Dominant or Submissive?

“A capable fighter knows a little bit of everything. I like creativity the most in love.”

38. Camping or indoors?

“Whichever gets me in the closest proximity to food.”

39. Are you wanting the interview to end?

“Of course not, but, look at the time! I surely have to return to being the scourge on the land and Andraste’s chosen, right? Pfft, days were not made with my workload in mind, I’m afraid.”

40. Now it’s over!

“Fantastic. Do take care, and travel safe.”

I’m tagging @kvpowers, @the-rogue-apostate, @lelianasing, and @orlesianbard and anyone else who wishes to participate! Love and light!

[lesbian-ed]

Frequently Asked Questions

(ctrl+F helps you find stuff faster!)

Am I allowed to follow if I am X?

Everyone is allowed to follow our blog. We are not going to stop anyone from hitting the follow button. Keep in mind that this blog exclusively caters to and focuses on lesbians (this means females).

We urge bisexual women to please stop sending us questions about your heterosexual relationships. We accept questions from bisexual women about their same sex-relationships/same sex-attraction though.

Porn blogs and such will be blocked at sight though. If you are blocked by us it’s probably because you were being disrespectful in a reply/reblog or that we just don’t want you interacting with our posts for whatever reason.

Why does your bio say “x lesbians and y dykes”?

Because some of the mods prefer dyke to lesbian or vice versa. As lesbians we reserve the right to call ourselves that, but not others.

Doesn’t dyke mean lesbian mean dyke mean lesbian..?

Yes, those words mean the same. It’s just the choice between saying pants or trousers, we reserve the right to make that decision for ourselves. Again, only lesbians can use the word dyke for themselves.

Am I still a lesbian if X?

We get many, many questions from girls and women who want help figuring out if they’re a lesbian or not. We answer every question the best we can, but we cannot tell you what your sexuality is. We can only speculate with the help of the information you provide. For more information about the topic, you should check out our compulsory heterosexuality tag. PLEASE READ THE COMP HET TAG BEFORE ASKING US QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS TOPIC.

Why isn’t this blog for transwomen?

Because they are male. Males cannot be lesbians and lesbians are not attracted to males - therefore there is no point in including transwomen (or any male) in our blog. 

Why is this blog inclusive of transmen?

For this question we’d like to refer to this post where we go into depth about why. The short answer is because they are female, and we are feminists.

If you have any further question about discourse oriented issues, such as transgender ideology, please direct your asks to @lesbian-ed-discourse

Why haven’t we answered your ask?

We reserve the right to pick and choose the asks we answer. If we haven’t answered your ask in particular, there’s a few reasons as to why:

it contains content we don’t want to post on the blog (such as misogynistic slurs, violent language, mentions of explicit hetero sex)

you sent us something we don’t want our followers to see - some topics are too gruesome and triggering for us to feel comfortable posting it and letting our followers read

we don’t know how to answer it/feel unqualified to answer

you are attacking us/our followers

you are asking us something about your heterosexual relationship (this OF COURSE includes bisexual women asking for advice on their boyfriends - we don’t answer questions like that)

we have already answered something similar (please, we beg you, search the blog for the topic your question is about if you think it is a similar question - we tag everything so you should be able to find it easily) - we get many questions about compulsory heterosexuality so we urge you to look through the TAG before asking about it

the answer can be found in the FAQ and you just didn’t read it before you sent the question

the question didn’t fit the blog. Perhaps you sent an ask about something completely unrelated to lesbianism and something we didn’t want you to send in general - we get many questions and we don’t want to clog up our followers’ dashboards with irrelevant stuff. They follow us for lesbian content.

your ask would start discourse we don’t feel up for/don’t want our followers to have to sit through. Please redirect questions that would start discourse/questions that cover inflammatory topics to THE DISCOURSE BLOG and we might answer there if we feel up for it.

Are you TERFs?

We are all radical feminists/rad-leaning feminists and gender critical. We are inclusive of everyone who is female, trans or not. However, our blog is not here for males and we will never make this blog about males in any way, shape or form. Basically, we are inclusive of females and exclusive of males, no matter their trans status. In other words, women and FTT’s are welcome, but men and MTT’s are not. A better description of us would be Male Exclusionary Radical Feminists, since we don’t exclude trans females, but by all means, call us whatever you want. We genuinely don’t give a shit.

Why do you tag some asks 1, 2, 3, 4, 5?

The first 5 tags are the tags that show up on the tumblr search, so, while we still want people to be able to find the posts by the tags inside our blog, we don’t want these posts to end up in the actual tags for everyone to find. For example if we’re answering a post about sex ed, but we don’t want it to end up in the “orgasm” tag (because probably porn bots would be able to find it there), we’d tag it 1 through 5 and hope nasty porn blogs will keep off of our content.

[sapropel]

Some Thoughts on the Structure of Discourse  (and Why It's Faulty)

Hi guys! I’m sure a lot of you have noticed, but the discourse has turned to shit. I wanted to provide some thoughts on the topic, but it’s some stuff I’ve been meaning to stay for awhile. If you’re worried about the current state of the discourse, I encourage you to read this.

Also this took me three hours to write and I’m mentally ill as hell so please validate my questionable decision to write all this out lol

There are many reasons that Tumblr discourse has gotten so toxic. For one, when you put a bunch of teenagers in a high stress environment, especially mentally ill teenagers and teenagers who are survivors of abuse and trauma, it's a breeding ground both for toxicity and for pain. Because social justice/discourse Tumblr attracts users with rough backgrounds or marginalized identities, it's easy to band together against and bond over common oppressors. These things can cause several issues.

Tumblr has a terrible habit of weaponizing identities. By that I mean discoursers will use their marginalized identities to win arguments without providing other evidence or good arguments.

Take the following argument for example:

Q: Is the word “homosexual” problematic when talking about gay men?

Gay man 1: “Yes, it is.”

Gay man 2: “No, it isn't!”

Okay, so now what do you do? You're used to believing people based solely off of their identities, but what happens when they disagree?

The issue with holding marginalized people as experts in nuanced issues is that marginalized identities are NOT monolithic. People can be prejudiced, bigoted, rude, or purposefully deceitful regardless of identity. People can also be extremely kind and intelligent with different backgrounds and lived experience, with some ignorance and mistakes, with personal preferences. Obviously, if you hear overwhelmingly that something is problematic from that group of people (e.g, is it okay to misgender trans people, the answer being no), then you should take care to listen and take them at their word. Some arguments are more complicated and require deeper analysis, so let's return to the argument before.

Q: Is the word “homosexual” problematic when talking about gay men?

Gay Man 1: “Yes, it is. It recalls the medicalization of gay men and our subsequent mistreatment and dehumanization. With the split attraction model, the word also has a new meaning, so it can be confusing in conversations. Many gay men consider the word to be a slur and don't want to hear it.”

Gay Man 2: “No, it isn't! As a gay man, ‘gay’ has become an umbrella term for anyone who experiences same-gender attraction. If we don’t use that word, how will people be able to talk about us, and how will we be able to talk about ourselves? Because of some events in my life, I'm uncomfortable with other people calling me ‘gay’ but I've never been uncomfortable with ‘homosexual.’ “

Okay, so you heard an argument this time. So, what's the right answer? Isn't that what is important?

It's not that simple. One issue with discourse on Tumblr is its inability to handle nuance. Who GETS to decide what's right? Sure, we can figure out bits and pieces. For example, you should know it's inappropriate to call the first man a homosexual because he's said it makes him uncomfortable. We know we shouldn't make the second man accept the label “gay” if it hurts him.

So again, who's right?

I can't tell you that. I could only ever tell you my opinion. I can tell you that for me, personally, I like to err on the side of caution.

Tumblr is unwilling to treat issues as living, changing, perhaps unanswerable entities. The need to have a black and white answer on everything is alienating people and making discourse a fruitless endeavour. Instead of fighting to prove why we’re right, or fighting to get an answer, we should be working together towards a common goal of educating each other and ourselves and allowing ourselves to be compassionate and imperfect creatures.

How do we educate each other? I promise that treating people with innocent, if misguided, questions isn't it. We have to let people be curious and make mistakes and know that we won't demonize them for dissent or for messing up. I believe that open, honest, and genuine discourse will naturally teach well.

Again, I would like to stress that there is a difference between situational ignorance and a person consistently unwilling to better themself.

The weaponization of identity isn't the only issue with some of the language of our discourse. I also want to talk about the difference between systematic oppression and discrimination and how Tumblr handles it.

With marginalized identities, there is very often oppression. This word gets thrown around a lot, especially with respect to ace discourse. So what does it mean?

Systematic oppression is the institutional or legislative and almost always cultural manifestation of disenfranchisement coupled with a power dynamic that inhibits social mobility.

Some examples of people who are systematically oppressed (at least in America, but due to imperialism and the like, the effects are usually global) are black people, women, and people who experience same-gender attraction. I'm going to talk about the experience of systematic oppression vs discrimination for the third case, just a little bit. Obviously, these issues are extremely complex and I won't be able to explain every facet, but I can give a rough sketch.

For the sakes of simplicity and consistency, I would like to talk about two groups of people: gay men and bisexual men. Both groups of people experience same-gender attraction, and both are oppressed under homophobia.

Hold on, did OP just say that bi people are oppressed under homophobia? WHAT ABOUT BIPHOBIA???

Okay! This is a common misconception on Tumblr. Homophobia is systematic because it is legal, institutional, very cultural, and involves a power imbalance between those who experience SGA and those who do not.

Biphobia is NOT a form of systematic oppression, and I'm happy to explain why in another post, but not here. This is already too long.

Does that mean that gay men can't discriminate against bi men? No.

Does THAT mean that bi men can't discriminate against gay men? No.

Any aggression that occurs between two people who are oppressed under the same systematic force can be classified as “lateral aggression.” Lateral aggression is damaging, insidious, pointless, and divisive.

There are cultural components that privilege bi men over gay men, and there are cultural components that privilege gay men over bi men, but in society, there is no power imbalance between the two.

Bi men can be extremely homophobic to gay men, and gay men can be extremely biphobic to gay men, BOTH to the point where it could ruin someone’s life.

I said all of this to lead up to my very important point: the validation of discrimination.

I've been on Tumblr for 4 years, and in my opinion, Tumblr mainly cares about oppressed identities or notions that can be wrapped up nicely in little bows.

But I want to make very, very clear that having more marginalized identities than another person does not make you better, smarter, more correct, or mean their struggles are more valid than yours.

Some of the worst things that have happened in my life are because of things that don’t get me ~Internet points,~ like the fact I was raised in a Mormon household, the fact I'm not conventionally attractive, the fact I grew up in a conservative area.

The discrimination and heartache I have faced for things like these are arguably worse, or at least comparable, to the discrimination I've faced for being a gay man.

I feel that a lot of what's wrong with discourse is that people feel like if their heartache doesn't come from being systematically oppressed or from trauma/abuse, then it's not equal or that it's not valid. This is ABSOLUTELY false.

If we are going to be successful discoursers and make progress and better ourselves, we have to let go of our strange fetishization of identity. We have to stop the idea that there is any cohesive, monolithic experience or perspective from any group of people. We have to validate discrimination and the effect it has on people.

Failing to do this alienates people and makes it harder for all of us to become knowledgeable and kind.

We HAVE to kill the idea that someone making a mistake or holding a mildly problematic belief makes them irredeemable. We HAVE to treat arguments as individual and not necessarily as mindless parts of a larger whole. We HAVE to accept that we are imperfect, dynamic, and human. We are not arbiters of judgment or masters of morality. We are a group of people who have come together with the common goals of building community and working to better the experiences of disadvantaged people.

I recognize the need to be wary of patterns and harmful rhetoric, and I understand (and condone) retaliation against oppressors and unnecessary cruelty. This post is NOT here to excuse repugnant behavior and beliefs.

We have to treat each person we come across in the discourse not as the sum (or worse, the poster child) of their identities, experiences, and beliefs, but rather as intersectionally gestalt, multi-faceted, capable of compassion and love, imperfect, and with a boundless potential to improve themself.

It's easy to start a witch hunt on someone who made a poorly worded post or who made a mistake, and sometimes such an extreme reaction is justifiable, even necessary. But again, think about why--is it the allure of seeming more enlightened? Is it blindly following someone you admire? Is it out of spite and cruelty? Is it because you want to win? Or is it out of a genuine desire to keep people safe and to help others learn?

I understand that we are imperfect and sometimes hedonistic or primal in our intentions, and I know that perfection is impossible. I know for a fact I am guilty of many of the shortcomings I highlighted in this post.

Good discoursers have to know that being incorrect is inevitable. There is no such thing as perfect discourse, and mistakes should be expected. The discourser who sees themself as infallible is the discourser to be wary of.

We aren’t machines. We’re people.