#Xavier fanclub

[zaynveir]

HELP I LOVE XAVIER HES SO FUNNY 😭😭🙏

[hirayaea]

NERO 🤝 MC

月影ハンター最高！

lumiere really is the best!

╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

[kykyonthemoon]

His Mini Version

His reaction when he saw the little doll version of himself that you possessed.

── .✦ Character x Female Reader (MC)

Included parts in order: Rafayel, Xavier, Zayne, Sylus, Caleb.

♡︎. Tags: fluff, domestic fluff, soft and sweet, plush dolls, established relationship, jealousy (Xavier's part), long distance relationship (Caleb's part)

♡︎. Word count: ~2k4

♡︎. Requested by Yue AuV.

── .✦ Masterlist ♡ Request a fic - closed for the time being.

Rafayel

“Huh?”

Rafayel picked up the plush doll on the table, examined it for a moment, then turned to you and asked, "Is this how you think of me?"

You blinked. "Lovely, right?"

Rafayel frowned. He raised the doll to your eye level and said:

“Hear me out, Miss Bodyguard. I do look handsome and stylish, my physique is toned, with a model-like form. Yet, why... Why is this doll that you believe to resemble me so... chubby?"

"Rafayel!" You shrieked and swiftly grabbed both hands to cover the doll's ears. "How can you say that in front of Little Fish?! He'll feel terrible for himself!"

Rafayel gazed at you, then at the plush doll you had just given a name. His body was spherical, with small arms and legs coming out of it. His face was likewise round and fully linked to his body, resembling a huge cotton ball with purple hair patches on top.

"I've gained a little weight lately," Rafayel said, pouting while rubbing his belly. “But I'm definitely not that round!”

“I made him exactly like you for a purpose. Criticizing him means you are criticizing yourself.”

Rafayel did not give up. He took up Little Fish and brought it near to your face so you could compare. 

“Don't you think he's muuuuuuuuch less attractive than me? His body is not as beautiful as mine. He is not as cute or talented as me. Can he paint? Can he make you laugh? What makes you think he can ever replace me?!”

You tried not to laugh when Rafayel puffed up his cheeks, looking like a pufferfish, even identical to that plump plush doll. You replied:

“Well, you don't know that Little Fish also has a very special feature that is different from other dolls!” 

"What's so amazing about it? Tell me."

You extended your hands to accept the doll from Rafayel. When you gently squeezed the center of his chest, Little Fish made a sound mimicking Rafayel's voice:

“Hello Miss Bodyguard! Hello Miss Bodyguard!”

Rafayel stared at him with wide eyes. His demeanor changed from astonished to slightly suspicious.

"I recorded your voice," you added. "Simply hit the button, and he will talk. I can make a new recording if you want. What do you think? He's good, huh?"

You enthusiastically hugged Little Fish and approached him. Rafayel simply scratched his head. “Humans certainly have many strange toys,” he commented. But in the end, seeing you having so much fun with the plush doll, he patted your head and said: "Even though it's a bit ugly and weird compared to my standards, I'm still happy that Miss Bodyguard likes me so much that she even owns a plush doll designed after me!"

Xavier

Since joining Lumiere's fanclub, which was founded by your colleague Nero, you frequently brought home merchandise related to him. There were badges, cards, decorations, and even cotton goods. Among the dozens of Lumiere products that take up room in your residence on a daily basis, you absolutely adored the plush doll named Lumi.

Lumi had two bunny ears and was only a little larger than your hand, making him easy to carry anywhere and at any time. When you worked, he would stand on the desk to encourage you. When you trained, he would slip into your coat pocket and patiently wait for you on the bench. Every time you went out, you carefully put him in your bag. When you arrived home, he was usually on the couch next to you, or cuddled in your arms while you watched TV together. Even when you slept, you would bring him into bed, place him next to your pillow and cover him with a blanket.

Needless to say, this made Xavier quite uneasy. He had not liked Lumi one bit since he appeared in your arms for the first time. The plush doll occupied all your attention. He accompanied you everywhere, all the time. Your phone was full of pictures of him. Even when you slept, the doll was allowed to sleep with you while Xavier was left out. He sat on the edge of the bed, crossing his arms and glancing at Lumi.

“That's it, kiddo.”

Lumi opened his large blue eyes to stare at Xavier.

“You must leave.”

A rabbit ear on Lumi's head drooped down. 

“Give her back to me. Besides, the place where you sleep used to be mine."

The plush doll continued to stare at him with such innocence. Just as Xavier was about to pick him up, you walked into the room. You had changed your clothing, and of course, your pajamas included Lumiere's chibi pattern on them.

“What are you talking about with little Lumi?” You asked.

“Ah, nothing. I'm just telling him to go away.”

"Huh? Why? He's so little, he won't take up too much room on the bed, right?"

Xavier gave him a glance before turning to you, and his eyes quickly returned to their round, watery condition.

“He's been following you all day. Why does he even take my place at night? Do you really like him more than me?”

Xavier knew too well that you easily got softened when he acted like that. If Lumi's cuteness captured your heart, he would reclaim it by the same method.

“It's not like that,” you replied. One of your hands caressed Xavier's cheek. “Lumi is the one who will protect me in my dreams on the long nights while you're not here.”

Xavier rubbed his face into your palm. He said, “But now that I'm here, Lumi can go elsewhere.”

You thought what he said was right. So you compromised and placed the doll on the opposite side of your pillow, rather than between you and Xavier as previously. You snuggled into Xavier's arms. He remained silent, as if he had a lot on his mind. Then, after you had fallen asleep, he covertly grabbed Lumi and threw him to the ground, then hugged you even tighter.

Zayne 

You set a lunch box on Zayne's desk, then placed something else on top. 

It was a little plush doll measuring about ten centimeters. He had black hair, green bean eyes with a little brownish-yellow tint, he also donned a white blouse just like a certain doctor. 

“What do you have there? A mini version of me, it seems?” Zayne asked while putting away the files on his desk to prepare for lunch with you.

“Hehe,” you happily took the doll. He nestled into the palm of your hand. “Doctor Zayne, look how small you are! I can hold you with just one hand.”

Zayne gave you a little grin. Then he grabbed your other hand, pulling you closer to him.

"Of course." But if you use both hands, you'll be able to handle more than one Doctor Zayne.

You grasped both big and small Zayne with care.

Lunch that day went really well. Before departing, you slipped the little plush doll inside your coat pocket on the left side of your chest, patted it a few times, and told Zayne:

“This is where tiny Zayne will stay every day.  I will take him everywhere, including work, amusement parks, and even home. He will always be by my side!”

Zayne smiled and responded, "It turns out that I can cure not only your heart disease, but also your love sickness?"

You blushed. The Zayne standing in front of you suddenly leaned down, as if talking to the little doll in your pocket: "Miss Hunter and this plush doll's entire day would be so hectic. Would you mind asking her whether she still has time to join me for dinner tonight?"

You laughed when you noticed Zayne's childishness. You replied: “Of course I do. But after all, little Zayne is still an intern here. What are Doctor Zayne's thoughts about being his mentor?"

Zayne stood up straight, tenderly touching the doll's cheek with his finger. "All right. I'll be spending time with Intern Zayne. But when I do that, the lady who takes care of Intern Zayne should come along as well.”

As soon as he finished speaking, Zayne's fingers rose to push on your face. You puffed up your cheeks and nodded firmly in accord. From that day on, all your dates with Zayne were accompanied by little Intern Zayne, and he even made arrangements for the doll to have a separate seat by the windshield of his car.

Sylus

Sylus made frequent late-night visits to your place. That night was no exception. But he was astonished to see you open the door with a worn out expression, dragging a big plush doll on the ground.

"Why does it look so familiar?" Sylus spoke after studying the doll. He was around sixty centimeters tall, with white hair, red eyes like two rubies, and a signature smirk that looked so much like Sylus's.

"Huh? Oh, Baby Crow is a mini version of you!” You replied. After closing the door, you strolled back to the living room, holding the doll. You and him fell onto the sofa. Feeling tired after a long day, you had decided to hug the doll to bed before Sylus arrived.

He looked at you and that Baby Crow doll on the sofa and clicked his tongue. “It's a little huge compared to the definition of mini. And what the heck are you putting on me?”

Sylus snatched him out of your grasp. The doll - his little version - was dressed in pink Hello Kitty patterned pajamas,  identical to the ones you were wearing. He frowned.

“You and the doll even have matching pajamas. Where are mine then?”

Slowly opened your eyes on the sofa, you giggled: "Seeing that you like it so much, I will make you a set tomorrow. There are also Kuromi ones."

Sylus leaned down and kissed your hair, whispering: "Sleeping on the sofa will hurt your body." Then he helped you get up. You wrapped all of your limbs around Sylus's torso, as he held you with one hand and carried Baby Crow inside the room with the other.

Another night, when Sylus arrived home late, he caught you cuddling Baby Crow and sleeping soundly on the bed. Both of you were wearing the purple Kuromi pajamas you had mentioned before. He grinned as he softly punched Baby Crow. 

“Hey, you're taking up my space,” he told him.

The plush doll's challenging smile appeared to be taunting him. Sylus removed him from your arms and placed him at the end of the bed. Because there was nothing left to hug, you rolled over slightly, your fingers constantly searching for warmth until you found him.

Sylus took the doll's place, held you, and allowed you to immerse yourself in his arms. He said quietly: "You don't need a plush version of me anymore when you have the real one here, right?"

The next morning, still drowsy, you cuddled him and told him that your Baby Crow had grown into a genuine person.

Caleb

Caleb sent you a surprise package. Curious, you opened it and discovered a plush doll the size of a pillow inside. What was worth noting was that the doll resembled him, with purple eyes and an apple on his head. You phoned to show off to Caleb, who was still on duty at Skyhaven.

“Oh, you got him? I mean, Baby Cal?”

“You even have a name for him?” You grabbed the doll and placed him in your lap so Caleb could see him through the video call screen.

"Of course. I purposefully ordered him specifically for you. He's a present.” Caleb smiled brightly. He was free at the time, but his mission had yet to end so he could not come home to you right away.

You gazed down at the doll on your lap. He was so warm, and his adorable chubby face reminded you so much of Caleb. You inquired:

“But why did you send him to me?”

"To keep you company when I'm away on missions, of course," was his reply. "He will remind you to eat and go to bed on time, or hug you when you're weary."

You touched Cal's head. It was true; he was so soft that you simply wanted to squeeze him.

"Is this your compensation for not coming home for a month?"

Caleb laughed. He seemed a little sad. Then he instantly returned to his regular fresh appearance.

“Do you like him?”

"Of course. I can even release my rage on him every time I'm angry at you. Look!”

Having said that, you squeezed the doll's cheeks really hard. Caleb laughed from the other side of the screen. "Poor, little Cal. It looks like he'll have to take my position as your punching bag for a while now."

You kneaded the doll's cheeks again. He even donned a military uniform similar to Caleb's. The doll would not be able to replace him, you know; yet his existence would sooth your longing for the real person.

You leaned your head against Cal and asked Caleb:

“I have Cal here. What about you?”

“Oh, wait a minute.”

Caleb disappeared from the screen. You heard a rustling noise. A few minutes later, he emerged with another plush doll dressed in a Hunter suit. You immediately recognized it as a plush replica of yourself.

“This is little Hunter,” said Caleb. “She and little Cal are a couple. Every time I look at her, I will always think of you. For example, when I enter the room, she will appear and say: 'Why haven't you bought a ticket to Linkon yet?!' or 'You still dare to stay up late playing games?!'..."

You burst into laughter. "I didn't say it in that awful voice. But how old are you to even buy these things?..."

“I've been teased a lot by colleagues these past few days since I got little Hunter,” Caleb told you. “But since I think you also like plushies, I wanted to make something for you.”

"Thank you." You smiled, lovingly rubbing the doll he sent. “I like little Cal, but he's going to miss little Hunter very much. You mentioned that they were a couple. It means they should not be apart for too long, right?”

[2-dsimp]

Them In General

Eating your food 🎨

When you call them Pookie 💬

Uriel The Incubus 🌸

。his wig🎨

。Spoiling him🎨

。Name reveal

。His horns

。his Fanclub

。His lore

。Bite him🎨

。yandere visual novel

。Tempting him

。Dont stimulate the horns!

。His tail

。Uriel chats 💬

。Give me your babies

。

。

。

Xavier The Poltergeist 👻

Name reveal

Salty ass smack? 🎨

Movie night 🎨

Movie crushes 🎨

Surprise kiss

Brat lover

Character ai bot

Salt ward

Cold nips

Rivius the Archdevil 🎖️

Archdevil shorts 🎨

Rivius chats 💬

Bratty dom switch 🔞

Kisses

Down in the weather

Fredrico the Devilbat 🦇

Grooming his hair

His fangs

Separation anxiety

Period blood

Lynx The Harpy 🪶

Harpy shorts 🔞

Date night? 🎨

Ruffling his feathers 🔞

Not his egg

Cuckoo trauma

Mating call

Mating call ||

Malewifey

Temothy the Bull📄

Dating ban? Where?🎨

His daily assistant duties

Date night

Got milk?

Cowgirl 🔞

Rodeo🔞

Soma the Zombie 🦴

Ganja the Plantweed

[glubandeepspace]

mc would join nero's lumiere fanclub site thing and wavers between also defending xavier lumiere's honor and vaguely thirstposting

nero tries getting mc to stop doing the latter by going to xavier aka the other top righteous fan of lumiere in his eyes and it's a whole thing

whether or not mc n xav are already a publically established Thing by then. either way xav is too tired for this

nero has secret fan designs of lumiere and makes xavier beta-read his self-insert fanfiction that nero claims isnt self-inserty at all

mc: do you mind that part?

xav: of course. but it's not really me, so. not much. and he seems kind of repressed

[localcryptidinthewoods]

Xaviers in charge of the official The Divine fanclub or is the bands manager or both or a secret fourth thing idk about

[harperhug]

I deserve a medal from the president for scrolling the cherik tag and seeing a post that basically said Erik Lehnsherr would never date Charles Xavier because the latter is a fascist, and not immediately responding “Well your fave is actually the head of the Charles Xavier fanclub so jot that down.” (And yes it was not only tagged “cherik” but also the names of the two characters and several Xmen movie titles. I am god’s bravest soldier.)

"Is it a safe space to say i hate-" NOT IN THE MAINTAGS IT ISNT

[hotpinkmoon]

So... Why is max the most dangerous when it comes to us?

He's extremely sensitive to what people think of him, including you. As I said before, anything you say and do that comes off as criticizing, or disapproval towards him will be death for you.

Max thrives on praising, complimenting, and worshiping to an extreme degree that anyone who slightly doesn't think so will be gone. It's like a growing cult being brainwashed into his own goals and sacrifices.

Sure, he's cute, outgoing, organized, polite, and captivating but in reality he's arrogant, sly, narrow minded with a very fragile ego. Max believes he deserves this extra treatment because if he doesn't he will break down and have an existential crisis. He will view himself as a nothing but failure, who despite everything he's done. Max is also somewhat delusional on what he's doing because he thinks killing you will do something good for his dreams. A selfish dream.

If you happen to slightly disturbed Max infront his fanclub, they will rally up and fuck you up.

Max can make everyone you love to hate you in a few minutes because of his deadly charisma. Blackmailing, or worse makes an incident/crime happen and blame it on you. Not only will he kill you, he will make your life miserable if you go against him or stain his reputation.

You can kill him as long as you want, he'll always come back more unhinged, and more hungry for human flesh.

If you want to survive by him, just don't meet him. Don't repeat what Xavier did, since Max ruined his life.

If you have met him, just pretend and tell a believable lie that you like him, and he'll expect to.

If you want to peek his interest, you need to stand out but carefully. Not too much that will cause people's attention towards you because Max is going to view that as competition and kill you. You need him to chase after you for your approval. That's when he becomes extremely obsessive towards you and wants you fast.

If you successfully did got his attention congrats, you're now kidnapped by feral happy Max. Max promises he'll make you proud, and treat you like royalty. He wants to marry you and have 5 kids right now.

[xaviersrpg]

PETER MAXIMOFF, son of Magneto and sister to Wanda Maximoff, has the ability to think and move at superhuman speed. He also has enhanced strength and stamina. He is able to run beyond speed of light, accomplish feats such as creating cyclones out of pure speed, and run up walls and above bodies of water. His ability to think faster than the average person sees that his personality and everyday life is pretty chaotic; he has a reputation for stealing things, tends to hoard food, and even has a fanclub of students at Xavier’s School who would—most likely—come running at his beck and call.

Peter still hasn’t told Erik he’s his father yet, not even after the fight between Apocalypse and the X-Men in Egypt. He’s working as a teaching assistant at Xavier’s School after deciding to stick around and remain part of the X-Men, and it’s safe to say the kids are a big fan—especially when it’s his turn to help out with gym class. When he’s not teaching he can typically be found hanging around with Kurt Wagner or Audrey Xavier, the newest addition to Xavier’s School. 

Peter’s face claim is EVAN PETERS and he is CLOSED TO APPLICATIONS.

[smile-files]

melon’s comprehensive kinlist!

including name of character, source, image, short personality description, mbti, and then why i kin them! take your time to read, or don’t. i get it if you don’t want to scroll through an entire page just to psychoanalyze me lmao, have a good time

1. wirt (over the garden wall)

an angsty, socially awkward dweebus who nerds out over interior design and plays the clarinet. fears death. infp.

my first kin! for a month after rewatching otgw i desperately wanted to be him. to be like him. anything!! it eventually wore away but i still feel that urge sometimes - the urge to write r/im14andthisisdeep poetry and to distance one’s self from their siblings... and heck - his tape for sara is indeed just as awkward as he is but let me assure you that his poetry and clarinet are actually pretty cool. 9/10 i need to see him more. give me more otgw comics. ok thanks.

2. snufkin (moomins)

a philosophical vagabond of vague age. acts stoic all the time but can and will leave every social situation whether or not it’s humanly possible. infp.

after watching some 90s moomin (and later on moominvalley) i realized how much i liked him and how much i was like him; i soon daydreamed of myself, as snufkin, venting to someone. it made me very happy. i vibe with his general demeanor and ideals (minus his gripes about rules, i follow those by the book) and i love psychoanalyzing him. so fun. so fun.

3. arnold perlstein (the magic school bus)

overly-anxious jewish kid and certified expert on rocks and panicking. owns a pair of fire-proof pyjamas in a lovely shade of green. isfj.

you all saw this one coming. my early childhood lives in my mind rent free and such i can’t help but revisit arn and his character. i’ve always loved him (even in, and quite possibly especially in, the reboot) and i’ve always loved psychoanalyzing every single little thing he does (remember that one time he said he was traumatized? me too). i soon realized a lot of it was me projecting! so sue me. actually, sue miss frizzle. either one of them. i mean, if arnold really didn’t like the field trips he could’ve just filed a restraining order! ...just saying.

4. fluttershy (my little pony)

anxious pastel butterfly baby child. probably loves animals more than she loves herself. cries upon impact. isfj.

the pony i’d mentally point to and think “me”. i had like 10 fluttershy-related things growing up, like plushies or funko pops or that sdcc guardians of harmony thing. while not shy in the same manner, it was nice having a character i could relate to about so much! i cosplayed as her equestria girls form for my first comic con as well, so that’s pretty cool. in addition, me being a little lepidopterist means i was bound to love her. it was destiny~

5. lammy lamb (um jammer lammy)

socially anxious and generally anxious rock star who thinks literally everything is a guitar. has an emotional support girlfriend. infp.

man!! she embodies the feeling when you have to go to the eye doctor by yourself to get your glasses fixed or when you have to call someone over the phone... that sheer tension. the panic. the feeling of ‘i want to throw my entire being into the trash can’. but lammy has a bunch of friends to support her, so she’s cool. died by slipping on a banana peel! same, sister. and man would i like to shred on my ukulele now...

6. loser (bfb)

humble (screw bfb 21), supportive, well-loved cube dude who’s voice is like that of an angel. has an entire fanclub in his honor. enfj.

okay, no, i was never a cool kid or ‘popular’, really, but in school i was never bullied for whatever reason and was generally well-liked; i hung out with a squad of weirdos and yet the cool kids would often talk to me? and try to engage me?? despite my very apparent self-deprecation and awkwardness??? either way i feel like it’s such a blessing to me, that i have so many friends! i often feel like i don’t deserve it, but hey. it’s nice! and heck, back when i was on scratch i had a little fanclub myself :0

7. fan (inanimate insanity)

nerdy, friendly aspie boyo who subliminally vents via blogging. longs for stability in his life; was best friends with an egg. entp.

ever since i noted his aspergers-like behavior i became super attached to him - whether or not it was intentional, i found it nice having a character i can relate those feelings with. he’s really sweet and dorky and i love how he gets along with test tube, paintbrush, and lightbulb! it makes me really happy to see him whenever i do. it made me really sad when he was eliminated. what the heck. yeah i dunno i don’t kin him super strongly but i love him to bits.

8. spinel (steven universe the movie)

emotionally unstable clown girl who stood in a garden for thousands of years. patience of a saint. edge like an 11-year-old me. esfp.

uhh um uh totally wasn’t completely disturbed by how much i related to spinel after watching steven universe the movie... totally wasn’t reminded about how and why i hated middle school... totally didn’t rethink my life that day... that’s it. this is all i’m saying.

9. molly blyndeff (epithet erased)

innocent child who has a terrible father and a wonderful demeanor. teddy bear who needs a hug and a criminal as her new dad. infp.

epithet erased is adorable okay?? i knew molly was infp in the first few minutes... more precisely, i knew she was me. man!! i don’t relate directly to her angst but i still feel it. i can replicate her voice so accurately it’s scary. also, i coined a new thing -  ‘molly cake’! you have a chocolate cake, preferably with chocolate chips inside. use chocolate frosting and add little pastel star sprinkles! on top! my mom would make this cake for us anyway but then i realized it was literally just molly in cake form. and it’s just as sweet!

10. tommy coolatta (hlvrai)

a 30-something-year-old child who rocks a propeller hat. chose his last name off of a dunkin donuts menu despite the fact that he has a father. infp.

everyone loves tommy. he’s so sweet? and funny and loveable?? often times when i say something funny but bizarre, i just remember that tommy has said ‘soda helps you see faster’ and it makes me happy. if i’m going to be a weirdo i want to be the wholesome weirdo who loves soda and has a .png for a dog! also i legally have to kin tommy. i took a test for it (and i’m not complaining! i find it quite flattering).

11. twyla (monster high)

the daughter of the boogeyman; would very much like to boogey out of here, if you know what i mean. avoids people like the plague. infj.

seeing her role in the show and in the movies, i really love twyla? first of all, her voice is my new favorite thing. it’s like... gravelly? and soft? she’s the type of person who would very much like to disappear when in a crowd; thankfully, she literally can. i am drawn to any sarcastic, self-deprecating introvert who takes care of their bonkers extrovert friend (in this case howleen), as i often act as such myself. also the phrase ‘boogey sand’ will never leave my mind now :)

12. lapis lazuli (steven universe)

water gem who wants you to leave. cynical as all heck, sensitive as all hell. is there such thing as a gem therapist? just asking. infp.

in a similar way to twyla, i vibe with lapis’ sarcasm and wit as well as her emotional side. it can be kind of addicting, isolating one’s self. anywho, me and my sister used to do this routine of yelling up to each other this certain dialogue between lapis and peridot when peri was leaving for something (in which lapis replied to everything she said with dry ‘yeah’s); i would always do lapis’ part. i do reply a lot with ‘okay’ or ‘yeah’ or ‘cool’ to things people tell me, as i never really know what to say.

13. brad meltzer (xavier riddle and the secret museum)

shy jewish butterfly kid who absolutely hates time travel. attracted to people who know how to socialize like a normal human being. infp(?).

okay okay so... combine everything from arnold and everything from fluttershy and that’s basically what brad is to me. a jewish socially anxious nerd who loves butterflies and drawing. badabing badaboom, there i am. that’s it.

and boom! all of the kins i can think of, of course not including comfort characters like will byers from stranger things or isabelle from animal crossing. if you have any kins to suggest to me, i would love it! thank you for taking your time to read this, friend! have a fantastic day :)

[verpasstehauptwerke]

NSFAQ (not so frequently asked questions) about SARS-CoV-2, Update 21.03.20

„Was heißt, Sozialkontakte auf 15% zu minimieren? Ich kenn’ hier doch gar keinen. Muss ich die Sozialkontakte auf 15% hochfahren?“ (Marlene Rot, 24 Jahre, Gamerin, Rostock)

„Ja, du musst aus dir rausgehen, Marlene. Schau den Menschen freundlich ins Gesicht, sprich sie an. Aber bleib anständig, halte dich an die Verhaltensregeln. Auch grade schüchterne Charaktere können in Krisenzeiten aufblühen und zeigen, was in ihnen steckt. Sei der Sonnenschein, den viele jetzt nicht genießen können. Wenn nicht jetzt, wann dann? Die Krise ist deine Chance ein neuer Mensch zu werden.“

— Ruth Elke Ebenholz, Chefredakteurin der EGO – Fachzeitschrift für Esoterik, Globuli und Osteopathie

Ma Ministapräsident schpricht a komischn Dialeckt. I verstehs koa Wort. Was hoatä gesoagt? (Dr. Hildegoard Feschhoam, 54 Jahre, Linguistin an der Universität Passau)

„Noa, der hats ned so gemeint.“

— Detlef Grubinger, Landwirt bei Bayreuth

„Ich bin erregt. Wo muss ich hinfassen?“ (Jürgen M., 44 Jahre, Klempner, Delmenhorst)

„Mach genau, was ich dir sage, Süßer. Du streichelst mit deiner Hand am Hals langsam abwärts über deine Brustwarzen – fährst langsam mit den Fingerspitzen über die Seite, über deinen kleinen süßen Bauch, runter zu deinen Oberschenkeln. Vom Knie streichelst du hoch, zu den – langsam, ganz langsam – …“

— Elfriede ‚the hot‘ Dimrowskaja, Sexarbeiterin aus dem REH: Rote Elbe Hamburg, im Home-Office

„Was wird passieren, wenn das Virus Asyl beantragt?!!?1!! Wieso gelten keine Einreisebeschränkungen für Krankheiten?!!?1!!?“ (Helmut Knäcker, 61 Jahre, Inhaber der Aluhut GmbH, Dresden)

„Puh, Herr Knäcker. Nun mal langsam mit den jungen Pferden. Setzen Sie sich doch erstmal. Wir haben ganz andere Sorgen. Die Inkubationszeit von Vollidioten beträgt in der Regel wenige Minuten bis zu einer Stunde, das ist richtig. Wir überlegen allerdings dringend, ob Nazis unter Quarantäne gesetzt werden sollten. Anbieten würde sich hierfür ein größeres Gebäude, es muss ja nicht unbedingt ein Landtag sein. Wir wollen den Teufel aber nicht an die Wand malen. Bisher wurden noch keine Kornkreise gesichtet, außer zwei…. Kleiner Scherz. Nein, es wurden keinen Kornkreise gesichtet…. Setzen Sie sich – bitte.“

— Dr. Cicero Müller, Fachanwalt für Asylrecht und Jurist an der TU Wesel

„In der Pokémon Go-Kampfarena gegenüber am Schwedlneuer-Kurplatz (U-Bahnstation Ostkolperstraße / Tresenheimer Markt) geht’s richtig ab. Für mich reicht von der Lehnhecker-Str. 17a der Empfang leider nicht vollständig aus, um an Kämpfen teilzunehmen und so mein auf den Fidschi-Inseln eingefangenes Relicanth aufzuwerten. Gilt eine Ausgangsbeschränkung auch für den Fall, dass ich nur mal kurz unten bis vor den Seniorenstift Nussbäumer Altersresidenz laufe, um, sagen wir, ein Dreiviertelstündchen, zu zocken?“ (Fabian Legon, 17 Jahre, Schüler, München)

„Ja, gilt.“

— Corinna Tollmen, Staatssekretärin des Freistaat Bayern

„Das Wasser in Venedig klärt sich – Delphine wurden gesichtet. Der Himmel über Teilen Chinas wird wieder blau, der Flugverkehr wird eingestellt, Fußballspieler verzichten auf Geld und bauen Krankenhäuser, wir reden neu über Gehaltsbedingungen im Pflege- und Gesundheitswesen, über systemrelevante Berufe. Muss man davon ausgehen, dass es sich um ein hochintelligentes Virus handelt?“ (Vamantharata Samkahtach, 33 Jahre, Informatiker, Bischofsheim in der Rhön)

„Nein. Das Virus ist strunzen-dumm. Wiederholt konnte es bei einem IQ-Test der Universität Tübingen im Mittel maximal 4 bis 9 Punkte erlangen. Auszugehen ist davon, dass das Virus in einer Art Schwarmintelligenz Effekte erzielt, die den IQ-Wert auf bis zu 11 Punkte ansteigen lassen. Dies reicht nicht dafür aus, um in mehr als zwei von zehn Fällen, beispielsweise in der Wortgruppe „Hund – Helm – Detlef – Urin“ dasjenige Wort auszumachen, was nicht zugehörig ist. Man kann davon ausgehen, dass wir demnächst den Planeten wieder ordnungsgemäß zumüllen, die Polkappen in dem dafür vorgesehenen Zeitfenster abschmelzen und ordentlich rauchend auf der Stadiontoilette kacken können. Wirklich, ich habe, um ehrlich zu sein, noch nie so etwas saublödes erlebt, wie dieses neuartige Coronavirus. Es findet nicht mal innerhalb einer Petrischale den kürzesten Weg von einem Rand zum anderen. Machen wir uns keine Sorgen. Intelligenz gibt’s nur beim Menschen. Wir sind das Maß aller Dinge, die Krone der Schöpfung, die Creme de la Creme – hoppla, jetzt hab ich mir an die Nase gefasst!“

— Prof. Dr. Dr. Sören Diebel, Leiter der Virologie am Universitätsklinikum Tübingen

„In den DB-Fernzügen ist der Mindestabstand zwischen Sitzplätzen in der 2. Klasse geringer als in der 1. Klasse. Gilt meine Reservierung auch in der 1. Klasse, obwohl ich nur ein Ticket für die 2. Klasse erworben habe? (Onlinebuchung Super-Sparpreis)“ (Erna Wetzel, 62 Jahre, Bankkauffrau, Emden)

„Bitte wenden Sie sich an den Online-Kundenservice. Bei Onlinebuchungen kann nur der Online-Kundenservice eine Stornierung inklusive einer Umbuchung auf eine höhere Fahrgastbeförderungs-Servicestufe durchführen. Sie erhalten als Entschädigung für eine umgebuchte Reise auf der selben Strecke eine Tüte Selters (0,5 Liter) und eine Packung von unseren vierfarbigen Schnulli-Bulli-Gummibärchen der DB-Eigenmarke Naschzwerge. In der Regel fahren pro Zug sowieso nur um die zwanzig Personen. Sie müssen sich ja nicht alle nebeneinander setzen. Äh, können sie aber.“

— Petra Neulinger, DB-Reisezentrum Emden

„Kann ich statt Seife auch Spüli benutzen? Obwohl es als fettlösend gilt, nehme ich den letzten 7 Tagen erheblich zu.“ (Erwin Herpes-Schlitz, 46 Jahre, Versicherungsvertreter, Stuttgart)

„Herr Herpes-Schlitz, kann es sein, dass Sie sich mal wieder zwei, drei Teller Nudelpampe mit Fleischküchle zu viel in die Gesichtslappen geprügelt haben? Achten Sie auf eine ausgewogene Ernährung, machen sie 10, später 15 Liegestütze pro Tag und ein paar Sit-Ups schaden nicht. Steigern Sie das Pensum allmählich. Außerdem: Spüli nicht in den Mund nehmen.“

— Beate Rühtow, Chemikerin am Institut für fettlösliche Tätigkeiten (IffT) Kiel

„Ich darf mit meiner Familie noch spazieren gehen. Aber wer zählt zu meiner Familie? Bin unschlüssig, weil die Yzgül, die ist eigentlich meine Halbschwester, aber ich hab die sehr gern und wir sehen uns täglich. Ihr Bruder, der Ylderim, also, das ist kompliziert, weil das ist auch für sie nur der Halbbruder und ich hab eigentlich gar kein Verwandtschaftsverhältnis zu dem Ylderim und er hat mich aber eingeladen auf einen Kaffee. Naja, also, wir haben uns schon sehr, sehr gern und haben uns auch schon oft gesehen. Jetzt hab ich schon länger drüber nachgedacht, ob wir nicht mal mehr Zeit miteinander verbringen sollten, um uns besser kennenzulernen. Der Ylderim hat aber schon drei Frauen und ich wäre dann die vierte, also – reicht eine Schwangerschaft, und wenn ja, muss es die eigene sein, damit Ylderim und ich (und seine anderen drei Frauen plus die Kinder und auch Yzgül bitte!) gemeinsam spazieren gehen dürfen? (Özlem Hylderim, 27 Jahre, Kindergärtnerin, Großheirath)

„Ok, geht klar. Aber Yzgül muss zuhause bleiben.“

— Hans Kramer, Minesterialdirektor des Freistaat Bayern

„Meine Schwiegermutter will ums Verrecken nicht sterben. Ich huste ihr bei jedem Besuch im Altersheim ordentlich mit Spucke und so ins Gesicht, die Alte ist allerdings zäh wie Leder und hat eine Toleranzgrenze bis zum Geht-nicht-mehr. Was kann ich tun?“ (Rainer Lupen, 49 Jahre, Heizungsinstallateur, Lübeck)

„Abwarten. Aufgrund der immer noch unklaren Inkubationszeiten, kann es sein, dass sich die Olle längst infiziert hat, aber noch keine Symptome zeigt. Ansonsten: Gibt es eine Treppe im Altersheim? Einen Balkon? Einen Fleischwolf?

— Dr. Cornelius West, Medizinethiker an der Universität Duisburg

„Ich habe Katzenstreu mit Reis verwechselt. Wie lange werde ich mich erbrechen?“ (Cibbo, 23 Jahre, Rapper, Bremerhaven)

„Katzenstreu ist ein saugfähiges Granulat, bestehend aus einer Mischung von Holz- Mais- und anderen Pflanzenfasern. In abgekochtem Zustand kann Restzellulose beschwerdefrei und ohne Nährstoffverlust vom menschlichen Verdauungsapparat verarbeitet werden. Die Verwechslung ist unbedenklich. Allerdings saugt Reis keine Katzenpisse auf. Die kleine Muschi sollte also besser schleunigst gewaschen werden.“

— Stephan Pfeifer, Tiermediziner in der Tierarztpraxis HUNDIKUNDI, Bremen

„Der Deutsche Fußballbund (DFB) hat Kollektivstrafen für die Fanszene ausgeschlossen. Wenn die Ausgangssperre für alle kommt, warum müssen wir drinnen bleiben, obwohl eine Minderheit von Idioten draußen Bengalos gezündet hat? Ist Dietmar Hopp vielleicht doch ein Hurensohn?“ (Lutz Wiedenthal, 47 Jahre, Vorsitzender des FANCLUB OSTBÜHNE SpVgg Greuther Fürth, Fürth)

„Der Diddi hat als Anteilseigner des biomedizinischen Konzerns Hodensack vorerst verhindert, dass ein etwaiger Impfstoff an die Amerikaner verabreicht wird. Das ist grundsätzlich positiv zu bewerten, wenngleich trotzdem zu kritisieren ist, dass der DFB das neuartige Coronavirus SARS-CoV-2 milder ahndet als Beleidigungen gegen Greta Thunberg. Wir plädieren in der jetzigen Situation, damit Ruhe einkehrt, für die Einführung schwarzafrikanischer Schiedsrichterinnen.“

— Roland Knipper, Sprecher des Süddeutschen Fußballverbandes

„Ist das neuartige Coronavirus bereits mutiert?“ (Dr. Karim Al-Hasif, 56 Jahre, Facharzt für Allgemeinmedizin, Thierhaupten)

„Dass Florian Silbereisen Xavier Naidoo in der Deutschland-sucht-den-Superstar-Jury abgelöst hat, ist ebenso folgerichtig wie alarmierend. Wie viele der Söhne Mannheims sich mit dem Coronavirus bereits infiziert haben, ist zur Zeit nicht abzuschätzen. Wir gehen aber davon aus, dass es sich bei Silbereisen und Naidoo jeweils bereits um Mutationen des SARS-CoV-2 handelt. Ja.“

— Paula Jedergenn, Klofrau bei RTL

[uneminuteparseconde]

Des concerts à Paris et alentour

Janvier 30/31. Arnaud Rebotini : musique live pour "Fix Me" d'Alban Richard – théâtre de Chaillot 31. Deena Abdelwahed + M.E.S.H. – Gaîté lyrique 31. Go!Zilla + Siz + Deaf Parade – Supersonic (gratuit)

Février 01. Le Comte + Christine + Atoem – Palais de le Porte dorée 01. Negative Space + Volition Immanent + N0v3l – La Station 01. Lust For Youth + Dead Horse One + San Carol + Venice Bliss – Supersonic 01. Autrenoir + Linda Olah + Uriel Bartélémi – théâtre de Vanves 01. Cylene (François Bonnet & Stephen O'Malley) + Kreemer (Cameron Jamie & Dennis Tyfus) + Xavier Boussiron – Instants chavirés (Montreuil) ||COMPLET|| 01/02. Erik Minkkinen – Pauline Perplexe (Arcueil) 01/02. Arnaud Rebotini : musique live pour "Fix Me" d'Alban Richard – théâtre de Chaillot 02. Tempers – Supersonic (gratuit) 02. Fraction + Frédéric D. Oberland + Clara De Asis + MTUA + Raphaël Mouterde + Sébastien Roux + Fantasia Nei Dessert & Romain Al'l + Hourvari + Aloyse Lucas (fest. Les Sonifères) – DOC 02. The Residents – Gaîté lyrique 02. Shabazz Palaces + Dälek (fest. Sons d'hiver) – Théâtre de la Cité internationale 02. Venetian Snares + Dbridge + Zoe McPherson + Bastos + Behzad Ghorbani – Concrete 02. Jennifer Cardini + Javi Rodondo – Badaboum 03. Mesce basse + :such: + Duncan Pinhas + Alexandre del Torchio + Isothesis & Alexandra Radulescu + Opaque + Armand Lesecq + NO3sis (fest. Les Sonifères) – DOC 03. Aidan Baker + The Eye of Time (Sulfure fest.) – Le vent se lève 05. Zombie Zombie – Bigwax Records (gratuit) 05. Nadja + Saudaa Group + Lacustre – Instants chavirés (Montreuil) 06. Binidu + Hilgege + Deux Boules vanille – Supersonic (gratuit) 06. Brendan Perry – Petit Bain ||COMPLET|| 07. VNV Nation – Le Trabendo 07. Tomaga + Jozef Van Wissem + Noyades + La Jungle – Petit Bain 07. Subtle Turnhips – La Pointe Lafayette 08. Cartouche + Ddash + VHS from Space + Professeur Postérieur – Le Cirque électrique 08. Manu le Malin + 3FAZé + DKLé + Nawak – Glazart 08. Headless Horseman + Ø [Phase] + Joton + Electric Rescue – Rex Club 09. Psyche + Sarin + Law & Haktion + Cassie Raptor b2b Mila Dietrich  – La Station 09. Leopardo + Rose Mercie + Eggs – Le Zorba 09. The Ex : "Ethiopian Night" (fest. Sons d'hiver) – salle Jacques-Brel (Fontenay-sous-Bois) 09. Veronica Vasicka – Badaboum 10. Therapy? – La Maroquinerie 10. Fake Off + Youth Avoiders + Potence – Le Rigoletto 11. Massive Attack feat. Liz Fraser jouent « Mezzanine » – Zénith 13. Pierre Bastien & Philippe Dupuy + Laake – Petit Bain 14. Slash Roubex + Krab + Joan Jett Fanclub + Gauchoir + Zaraz Wam Zagram – Les Nautes 15. Peter Kernel + Totorro – Petit Bain 15. Codex Empire + Schwefelgelb + Philipp Strobel + Panzer – Petit Bain 15. Kælan Mikla + Some Ember – Black Star 16. Krikor (fest. FAME) – Gaîté lyrique (gratuit) 16. Teledetente666 + Balladur + Bajram Bili + Teknomom + Coeval + Marai + Steep Incline b2b Quentin Pierce – La Station 16. Anthony Braxton + Dave Douglas & Bill Laswell (fest. Sons d'hiver) – théâtre Jacques-Carat (Cachan) 16. Homoagent + Huren + Orphan Swords + Salem Unsigned + Sirio Gry J + Verset Zero... – tba 16. Jasss + Dactylo + Nizar + Pipi de Freche – NF-34 19. Bruit noir + Red – Point FMR 21. Mlada Fronta + Absolute Valentine + Neoslave – Petit Bain 21. Collection d'Arnell Andrea + Katzkab – Bus Palladium 21. Rouge Gorge + Fiasco + Peur bleue – L'International 22. Marquis de Sade – Petit Bain 22. Lucie Antunes + Clémence Lasme, Kim, Gaspar Claus, Halo Maud & Yadh Elyes – Théâtre de Vanves 22/23. Nils Frahm – Le Trianon ||COMPLET|| 24. Nils Frahm – Le Trianon 28. Bryan's Magic Tears + Steeple Remove + Seppuku – Point FMR 28. The Zeros + Astaffort Mods – Le Klub

Mars 02. Lydia Lunch & Marc Hurtado jouent Alan Vega et Suicide – Silencio (gratuit sur résa) 02. Le Groupe obscur + Le Ton mité + Golden Q – L'International 02. Shlømo + UVB + Charles Fenckler + Darzack + Delta Funktionen + Keepsakes – Studio du Lendit (Saint-Denis) 02. Boy Harsher + Kontravoid – Badaboum ||COMPLET|| 03. Camera – Olympic café 03. Geld + Youth Avoiders + Plomb – Le Picolo (Saint-Ouen) 05. Orgue Agnès + Borja Flames + Gilles Poizat – Petit Bain 07. Scratch Massive – Gaîté lyrique 07. Gum Takes Tooth + Usé + Society of Silence – Badaboum 07. The Dead Brothers + Dédé Macchabée – Péniche Antipode 08. FTR + Deadpan – Olympic café 09. Deeat Palace + Maoupa Mazzoccheti + Krikor + Crave + Iueke + Moyō – La Station 09. Paulie Jan + Witnesses Without Hands + Mod303 & The SHADERS + Alexandre Navarro (dj) (Sulfure fest.) – Le vent se lève 10. James Chance & Die Contortions – Supersonic 12. Yann Tiersen – Salle Pleyel 12. Dominique A – Espace 1789 (Saint-Ouen) 13.  Helluvah + IDK IDA + Cebe Barnes (dj)(Sulfure fest.) – Le vent se lève 13. F/lor + Jérôme Lorichon & Quentin Rollet + Don Nino – Instants chavirés (Montreuil) 14. Parade Ground + BadBad + The Wheal + Versolo – Supersonic (gratuit) 14. Stefan Rusconi & Tobias Preisig + Étienne Jaumet (fest. Paris Music) – Église Saint-Eustache 14. La Colonie de vacances – Cabaret sauvage 14. Raoul Vignal (fest. Paris Music) – Bibliothèque historique de la Ville de Paris 14. Dave Phillips + Evil Moisture + Feromil – Instants chavirés (Montreuil) 15. Rubin Steiner (fest. Paris Music) – Crypte archéologique du parvis de Notre-Dame 15. Bertrand Burgalat (fest. Paris Music) – Musée des Arts et Métiers 15. Zombie Zombie (fest. Paris Music) – Cathédrale américaine 15. Silent Servant + Machine Woman + Tolouse Low Trax – Concrete 16. Christ. + Alexandre Navarro (Sulfure fest.) – Le vent se lève 17. Giulio Aldinucci + Paskine + Waveland (Sulfure fest.) – Le vent se lève 19. thisquietarmy + Haxo + Ilia Gorovitz (Sulfure fest.) – Le vent se lève 20. Oomph! – La Machine 21. Olivia Block + Marc Baron – Instants chavirés (Montreuil) 22. Delia Derbyshire (diff.) + Lettera 22 + Evil Moisture + Caterina Barbieri + Drew McDowall : "Coil's Time Machines" (fest. Présences électronique) – Studio 104|Maison de la Radio 22. The Young Gods – La Maroquinerie 22. Crystal Fighters – Gaîté lyrique 23. Pierre Boeswillwald (diff.) + Max Eilbacher + Andrea Belfi + Sarah Davachi + William Basinski & Lawrence English (fest. Présences électronique) – Studio 104|Maison de la Radio 23. Snapped Ankles + Wild Classical Music Ensemble + Man from Uranus – La Maroquinerie 23. Les Harry's & Stefan Neville (fest. Sonic Protest) – Châpiteaux turbulents 23. Kas:st + Paule Temple + Shlømo + VTSS + Parfait – tba 24. Warren Burt (diff.) + Mats Erlandsson + Okkyung Lee + Low Jack + BJ Nielsen (fest. Présences électronique) – Studio 104|Maison de la Radio 24. Chantal Acda + Miles Oliver + Julien Ledru (Sulfure fest.) – Le vent se lève 25. Laibach – Trabendo 26. Jon Porras (Barn Owl) + Mathias Delplanque (Sulfure fest.) – Le vent se lève 27. Strangelove + Background (dj) (Sulfure fest.) – Le vent se lève 28. Scanner + Openendedgroup & Natasha Barrett + Raphaël Imbert & Benjamin Lévy – Centre Pompidou 28. Euromilliard + Humbros + Peür + Pumice (fest. Sonic Protest) – La Station 29. Perturbator – Le Trianon 29. Jandek + Confusional Quartet + Société étrange (fest. Sonic Protest) – théâtre de l'Échangeur (Bagnolet) 30. Marc Almond – Le Trianon 30. Seabuckthorn + Rach Three + CollAGE D (Sulfure fest.) – Le vent se lève 30. Lahcen Akil & les Chaâbi Brothers + Suzanne Ciani + The Coolies + Lemones + Les Statonells (fest. Sonic Protest) – théâtre de l'Échangeur (Bagnolet) 31. Fuji Kureta + Mei (Sulfure fest.) – Le vent se lève 31. Claudio Simonetti (Goblin) joue "Suspiria" et autres – Flow

Avril 02. Schtum + Shit & Shine (fest. Sonic Protest) – Mona Bismarck American Center 02. Steve Gunn + Papercuts – Petit Bain 02. Ballaké Cissoko & Vincent Segal (fest. Les Rares Talents) – théâtre Berthelot (Montreuil) 03. Han Bennink + Jean-François Pauvros + Anne-Laure Pigache & Anne-Julie Rollet + Parlophonie (fest. Sonic Protest) – théâtre de Vanves 03>06. Shannon Wright + Regina Demina + Camilla Sparksss (fest. Les femmes s'en mêlent) – Trabendo 04. Dust Breeders & Mattin + Lydia Lunch & Marc Hurtado jouent Suicide et Alan Vega + Anna Zaradny (fest. Sonic Protest) – église Saint-Merry 05. Bégayer + France + Frédéric Blondy joue "Occam XXV" d'Éliane Radigue (fest. Sonic Protest) – église Saint-Merry 05. Beirut – Le Grand Rex 05. Rendez-Vous + Qual – Gaîté lyrique 05/06. Nadia Lauro & Zeena Parkins : Stichomythia – Centre Pompidou 06. Molecule – Gaîté lyrique 06. These New Puritans + Scintii – Petit Bain 06. Kokoko! – Badaboum 06. Dylan Carlson + Julien Clauss + Hermine + Lee Patterson + Ut + Blenno Die Wurstbrücke (fest. Sonic Protest) – Cirque électrique 08. The Specials – La Cigale 09. Young Widows + Nesseria – Petit Bain 10. Daughters – Point FMR 13. Toner Low + Ambassador 21 + The Fat + Orso + Evil Grimace + Gurt + Ddent + Froe Char + End of Mankind + McLane + Suprême Mycosaure (Monospace fest.) – Petit Bain 14. Arnaud Rebotini joue la BO de "120 Battements par minute" – Cité de la musique|Philharmonie 17. Teenage Fanclub – Trabendo 17. Soap&Skin – Le Trianon 17. Apparat – Gaîté lyrique 18. Kompromat – Trabendo 20. The Horrorist – Rex Club 20. Vincent Epplay + Black Zone Myth Chant & High Wolf + Domotic + Jean Benoît Dunckel + NSDOS + Erol Alkan + Tim Glass + Roscius + Sahalé + Golden Bug + Pouvoir magique + Cät Cät + RA+RE + Wael Alkak + Molecule (Inasound fest.) – Palais Brongniart 21. Plaid + NSDOS + Myako & Basses Terres + Jonathan Fitoussi + Danton Eprom + La Fraîcheur + Edouard Rostand + Prieur de la Marne + The Supermen Lovers + Panteros666 & Inès Alpha + Matt Black + Sara Zinger (Inasound fest.) – Palais Brongniart 22. Fontaines D.C. – Point FMR 23. Lambchop – La Maroquinerie 25. Lali Puna – Petit Bain 25. Kap Bambino – Trabendo 27. She Past Away – La Machine 27. Chloé : Lumières noires – Le 104 27. Cocaine Piss + Tôle froide + Avale – Petit Bain 27. Bérengère Maximin, Fred Firth & Heike Liss – Instants chavirés (Montreuil) 30. The Undergound Youth + Dune Messiah – Petit Bain

Mai 04. Covenant – Petit Bain 07. dEUS – La Cigale 07. Le Prince Harry + UVB76 – Petit Bain 08. Sneaks – Supersonic (gratuit) 10/11. Dead Can Dance – Grand Rex ||COMPLET|| 11. Christina Vantzou + Eiko Ishibashi + Jan Jelinek + NPVR (Nik Void & Peter Rehberg) – Le 104 12. Massimo Toniutti + François Bayle – Le 104 13. Foals – Bataclan 17. Philip Glass : Études pour piano – Salle Pierre-Boulez|Philharmonie 18. Bruce Brubaker & Max Cooper : Glasstronica – Cité de la musique|Philharmonie 18. Eliane Radigue : musique (diff.) pour "Continuum" de Félicie d'Estienne d'Orves – Centre Pompidou 22. Housewives – Supersonic (gratuit) 24. Beak> – Gaîté lyrique 24. Shonen Knife – Petit Bain 28. Alice in Chains + Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – Olympia 29. Flotation Toy Warning + Raoul Vignal – Petit Bain 31. François Bonnet + Knud Viktor + Jim O'Rourke + Florian Hecker (fest. Akousma) – Studio 104|Maison de la Radio

Juin 01. Eryck Abecassis & Reinhold Friedl + Hilde Marie Holsen + Anthony Pateras + Lucy Railton (fest. Akousma) – Studio 104|Maison de la Radio 01/02. Metronomy + Laurent Garnier + Ricardo Villalobos + Mr Oizo + Bonobo (dj) + Yves Tumor + Marie Davidson + Pond... (fest. We Love Green) – Bois de Vincennes 02. Bernard Parmegiani + Jean Schwarz (fest. Akousma) – Studio 104|Maison de la Radio 19. Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks – La Gaîté lyrique 26. Magma – Salle Pierre-Boulez|Philharmonie

Juillet 02. Interpol – Olympia 11. Masada + Sylvie Courvoisier & Mark Feldman + Mary Halvorson quartet + Craig Taborn + Trigger + Erik Friedlander & Mike Nicolas + John Medeski trio + Nova quartet + Gyan Riley & Julian Lage + Brian Marsella trio + Ikue Mori + Kris Davis + Peter Evans + Asmodeus : John Zorn's Marathon Bagatelles – Salle Pleyel 11>13. Kraftwerk – Philharmonie

Août 23>25. The Cure (fest. Rock en scène) – parc de Saint-Cloud

Septembre 13. Rammstein – La Défense Arena (Nanterre) ||COMPLET||

Octobre 19. Sisters of Mercy – Bataclan

Novembre 17. Nitzer Ebb – La Machine

en gras : les derniers ajouts / in bold: the last news

[stu-evans]

Mai 68 Records Showcase

Chester based independent label Mai 68 Records bring a plethora of talent to an iconic London venue.

In a world of streaming and downloads it can sometimes feel that being in the physical world has taken a back step. It is so easy to listen to music via your tablet or your mobile (are they even called mobiles these days?) music for many has become lazy.

But there is a counter balance to that, and thankfully the wonderful folks at Mai 68 Records are a leading light in good, honest, old fashioned live music.

Bringing four fantastic acts to the iconic London venue The Social is a brilliant move. Most labels will have a particular style, say your meat and two veg rock, and stick to it. What's wonderful about Simon and his team is that all four acts we had on the bill were individual, having their own style, their own freedom to express.

Kicking off the night were a four piece called COW. Bringing their Dinosaur Jr infused noise to the stage, the band played a wonderfully tight set. Full on rock yet extremely melodic, COW hit the right note for early 90s grunge efficiandos like myself. I'm excited to investigate them further.

Hailing from Glasgow and finally playing London, Wojtek The Bear brought their beautiful, souful indie pop to WC1. I've been a fan for quite some time and getting to see them play was an absolute joy. The fact they played my two favourite songs of theirs (Tide and Tonic) made it even better. I'm really hopeful that Wojtek... can go on to bigger and better things, comparisons are often made to Teenage Fanclub and for me they are just as good and deserve the highest of accolades. Good luck gang!

Campfire Social are another band that surely have to be on the rise. I loved this set, hints of Death Cab For Cutie and more recently the Lottery Winners, Campfire Social add further joy to the room. The harmonies are bang on, the songs are perfect for a sing-a-long. My daughter and I are massive fans of the song..... and getting to hear it tonight was a real treat. Excited to see where Campfire go next.

Bringing the evening to a close then was Ennio The Little Brother. Unsure what I would make of Ennio at first I have to say he blew me away. The use of loops to create a room full of sound was just incredible. Songs of everyday life and his personal experiences woven in a trip hop beat and moving guitar sequences, each song just progressed and expanded Ennio's talent. The future is very bright for this young man and anyone who can get Xabel Xavier into a song will have my respect for life!

All in all then a brilliant night was had. Four different acts all looking to the future with nods to the past. I really hope we can get a Mai 68 Records Showcase up to Norwich in the near future, our Fine City needs this Fine label.

[bakagaymer]

What are their @s ??? 👀

For Instagram: Xavier: @ Senpaizuri.kunGabbo: @ Gabbo_verdePeca: @ Jonay_chineaDiego: @ CrunchyazuliPrim: @ The.primordial.hentoidCray: @ CraythegayBrian: @ B.k._igbekaTrevor: @ Salamence.fanclubZane: @ LieutenantfinalfantaAmaya: @ BakaamayaNorth: @ KakyoinfuckerrCharlotte: @ DuwangradiooWill: @ New_overseerTumblr: Will: @will-goez-oofTrevor: @salamence-fanclub

Diego: @crunchyy24

[kraftwerk113]

Life´s too short for weird music - Tagesempfehlung 19.09.2019

Le SuperHomard / Domino (with Xavier Boyer)

Über den Saint Etienne Fanclub saintetiennedisco erhielt ich die Empfehlung, es mal mit der bis dato unbekannten Band LeSuperHomard zu versuchen. Das Quintett ist erstmalig in 2015 in Erscheinung getreten und hat in 2019 das zweite Album „Meadow Lane Park“ veröffentlicht. Abseits des Albums haben LeSuperHomard aber zusätzlich noch das Stück „Domino“ freigegeben. Und das frankophile „Domino“ liegt noch deutlich über dem Schnitt des auch nicht zu verachtenden Albums „Meadow Lane Park“.

[sunwootualsworld]

So about the ask thing you have posted earlier im really curious about two things: 78 and 87

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

dfkjdslfkldskfldsggkldf HATECLUb unless yuta asks me personally into the fanclub

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

Koreeda’s Nobody Knows, Nadine Labaki’s Capernaum, Wong Kar Wai like anything. If Beale Street Could Talk by Barry Jenkins (i cried it s so beautiful adn beautifully shot). Moonlight too. Xavier Dolan’s Mommy (i still think abt it every day). Lee Changdong’s Burning (like. took all my friends to see it). BONG JOONHO’S PARASITE. Stranger than Paradise by Jim Jarmusch. Bo Burnham’s Eight Grade (i lit rally yelled at the screen several times). Park Chan Wook anything. The Favourite by Lanthimos. Did i yell abt Cold War by Pawlikowski yet? Like literally.  Robin Campillo’s Beats per minute. ALMODOVAR!!! especially Todo Sobre Mi Madre. how can ppl not watch his films? God, so many tbh like. there are hundreds of amazing films out there. ill stop. bye 

edit. also maborosi by koreeda and right now, wrong then by hong sangsoo. SO MANY and ppl dared to talk to me abt a star is born and birdbox