#Withdrawl

[stutterhug]

Hawks Fall

[beccawise7]

The silence is a reply.

Everything they don't say is everything you need to know.

~beccawise7💜🖤

[ashintheairlikesnow]

"There are worse things"

"Kauri." It's Nat's voice behind him. He doesn't look up, just breathes deep where he hunches over the sink. Nausea rolls through him in wave after wave, cold sweat trickling down his temples, his neck, alongside his ribs.

His heart pounds, a terror entirely physical washing away everything but the panic, the adrenaline, the sense that any moment he will die from this.

He tightens his grip on the metal edge of the sink until his knuckles are white.

"Jus'..." He wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand, but his hand is so sweaty and wet it doesn't feel like it helps at all. "Just give me a second, okay? Think I picked up a... a flu or something..."

Nat is quiet, but after a few moments he feels her hand rubbing his back, gently maternal. The scent of her perfume somehow doesn't make it worse. She has dark hair loose and wavy from having been in a braid before, and his blurry vision keeps wanting her to be someone else. Someone he doesn't know, can't know, because if he has to have a headache on top of this he might actually just give up and die.

"You should stop taking them," She says. She doesn't say what. She doesn't have to.

"Oh, don't worry about me. Once I get some more-" His stomach tightens suddenly and he shoves himself fully over the sink, but all that happens is a flood of sour spit and a dry sob. "... I'll-... I'll be fine." Is he panting? His words are airy, barely breathed.

"Kauri-"

"There are w-... worse things than this," Kauri manages, voice thin. She brushes a little hair back from his face. The sobbing comes again, but not dry this time.

This time, he finds tears.

His heart pounds so loud it drowns out everything else. He's going to die. He's going to die.

He left Owen and he sleeps with other men and he's going to die.

"Kauri-"

"Worse things... I've d-done them all. I mean, I did O-Owen, right?"

He laughs, but there's an edge of hysteria to the brittle sound, and his stomach twists again.

She rubs his back as his stomach roils and his muscles burn and his shirt sticks to him like Owen's eyes, and he knows once he feels better he'll head back out, climb the back fence, and he won't even say thanks before he goes.

He can disappear into a drink or a pill or powder or whatever he can find and maybe this time they'll tell him to not come back.

Maybe this time they'll see he doesn't deserve to come back.

-

@finder-of-rings  @endless-whump  @arlin-always-writing  @thefancydoughnut  @newandfiguringitout  @doveotions  @pretty-face-breaker  @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow  @boxboysandotherwhump  @oops-its-whump  @cubeswhump  @burtlederp  @nonsensical-whump  @whump-tr0pes  @autophagay  @whumptywhumpdump  @whumpiary  @orchidscript  @outofangband  @eatyourdamnpears  @hackles-up  @grizzlie70  @mylifeisonthebookshelf  @keeper-of-all-the-random-things

[bluebird-poetry96]

A Peak at Chronic Illness...

It's 3:52am and I haven't been able to close my eyes once.

Some birds are chirping or should I say screeching.

How lucky they were to get some sleep.

When I haven't been able to get a blink.

My cat is annoyed, at my tossing and turning.

My mind racing, withdrawal has set in.

I don't have a primary care doctor right now, so I can't get a medication filled and,

God, I am in pain.

All I want is some sleep right now. But I can't even get that.

So much anxiety,

I feel itchy and sweaty but cold, but hot, but cold again.

Blanket on, blanket off.

I'm furious at the American healthcare system, how broken it all is.

I take medication as prescribed and I forget that you can become physically addicted and can go through withdrawal.

I didn't expect it to set in so fast.

So many times in the last year have I gone without it because of my old primary care, but this is definitely the worst time I've had.

-Raven Blue Bell

[mezmer]

Sweetest gift from @sakuramom so I could sticker my laptop up more :D

[acidicstars28]

I've been on a VegasPete kick (cause what else is new?) for a bit, and have found myself unsatissfied with a lot of the vegaspete playlists I come across either on spotify and youtube. Maybe I'm just too picky. I'm not saying there aren't songs in said playlists that I haven't added to my own vp playlist, but like can't we be a tiny bit more creative people. If I see Unholy or S&M once more, I'm gonna cry/scream/die, jury's still out on which. Hence why I have recommendations. Take note, this is an entirely opinion based post so don't get mad at me. Also I lean more toward rock/heavy metal/metal and shit, so if you ain't down with that, this ain't for you.

My recs as follows:

Practically anything in the Bad Omens discography. Their music is so good, but I have a few songs directly for Vegas and Pete that the lyrics are just 🤌

Vegas- Just Pretend, Bad Omens

Take Me First- Bad Omens

Pete- The Death of Piece of Mind

Also see by Bad Omens:

bad decisions

Like a Villian

IDWT$

Nowhere To Go

What do you want from me?

FERAL

Nothing More- You Don't Know What Love Means (either regular version or the one ft. Taylor Acorn depending on your mood)

Theory of a Deadman- Say Nothing

Banks- Waiting Game

Poets if the Fall- Carnival of Rust

Sleep Token- Dark Signs

Higher and Say That You Will

Practically their entire Take Me Back to Eden album

I would add a lot of Evanescence's music as well aside from like Bring to Life which I've seen on many playlists.

I might continue to add to the list if the mood so strikes me. I just needed to vent for now. Feel Free to add your own and continue the list.

[cmdrtartarfan]

Me when ao3 is down

[now-that-i-saw-you]

I don't understand Andrew's medication at all. What the fuck are they? Anti-psychosis? Anti-depressants?? He takes them because hebeat up homophobes (like the icon he is) and the court found it disturbingly violent they said he needs to go to counseling and take meds (the counseling parts is actually a nice detail). And the pills make him manic?? Why would the court prescribe him pills that make him manic??? His behaviour is so much worse when he's on his meds so what's the point of them?

[icedcoffeeandsleepdeprivation]

[fr-3-aksh-0-w]

I hate trying to find people to write with and then we get talking and we click but then when it comes time to start the story I get ghosted. Like what the hell. They come on, read my message I sent, then vanishes again for however many days. I just want to write why is it so hard to find a decent, attentive person with the same writing drive as me? Istg it feels like everyone has a low writing Lobito and I’m here wanting to pump out novels.

[fvneral-m00n]

After a no sleep for days n panic qttacks benzo and heroin withdrawl n a cutting relapse also not eating for days I find my tormented soul only finds quite in nightwalking aimlessly In empty places with my music as loud as possible so I don't feel observed all the time by people who have no idea how I work. I can pretend I'm the last person alive on earth. That things will be ok

[sickandpink]

Why does it literally feel like I lost an organ or something like my body just cannot function right now like something really important is missing

[sidepiecevents]

I haaaate when i forget to take my antidepressants cuz if i dont take em immediately after noticing i end up 3 days into withdrawals crying over a fucking gacha game 🥲

AND i work midshift so if i take them in the morning it messes with my brain too much and i make stupid mistakes

Which leads to me putting it off MORE 😭.

This is bullshit

[ruminate88]

They make you Happy and Sad???

I just liked a post that said, “If someone makes you both happy and sad, it’s real.” Basically saying that person is “your person”. 🥴

So, when you’ve been in a “toxic relationship” that person has you in a trauma bond. You’re basically in Stockholm syndrome. You’re literally being held hostage. My ex, Andrew, would NOT break up with me even though he’s cheated and blamed me. Even though he’s refused to say “I love you.” AND part of me was sooooo conflicted because “Why won’t he break up with me???” 🥺❤️‍🩹

It’s NEVER about love with them, it’s about “control,” When they love bombed you, they treated you like a king or queen. Right? You believed they just loved you so very much but truthfully, they hate themselves and they see things in you they’re jealous over, so they use different manipulation tactics to use you, control you and tare you down. They honestly could care less about you!!!! They have given you such moments of a “high” in the relationship, that your brain reacts chemically as if you’ve taken drugs. So you are almost “addicted” to that person and whenever you can’t be with them, you literally go through “withdrawals” 🥴🥺🤡😭😓😝

After I broke up with Andrew, he asked me “can we still be friends?” Ugh! The moment we stopped contact, I was a mess. I needed his “friendship” not even knowing that he can only keep using me. He can never be my “friend” so I stupidly had texted him to ask how he is since we’ve broken up and it was ON!!!! I opened the door and he walked right back in and unpacked his stuff again. He wasn’t about to be my friend. He found cracks in our conversations to turn it all sexual again but then after he would get me to send him his nudes, then he would make me feel like a terrible person for it.. 😓😓😓

I was incredibly sad Andrew didn’t “love me” but because I was having withdrawals, I was high as long as we were talking, even if it was arguing and drama… sadly I was high even when he’s making me cry. I just needed to be near him at all cost. I couidnt stand to be without him but it was killing me too becuase he’s treating me so badly.

I was very very sad and happy with Andrew at the same exact time and it was real!!!! Real bad…. That’s not a healthy relationship. That’s so toxic. You wanna know what’s a healthy relationship???? Someone who is honest and upfront with you, hard working, able to deal with problems, doesn’t shut down and doesn’t have evil intentions with you or a hidden agenda. Someone who supports you and is fair to you. You won’t always be happy or sad but you’ll have peace within yourself and within the relationship. When I met my husband, I could literally feel the difference between him and my ex Andrew. One was super toxic and suffocating and the other was peaceful and caring.

Take care of yourself and your love life ❤️‍🩹 One day at a time….

[ourinternallandscapetarot]

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

– Joseph Campbell

Instagram @ourinternallandscapetarot

[acidicstars28]

Thank you Tumblr dash for what you have given me today 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼