#Witcher modern

[araneapeixes]

witcher giiirrllll

[thedemonofcat]

“What do you do?” Geralt asks, trying to be conversational with the beautiful man he had somehow gone home with last night.

Julian looks at him incredulously over breakfast for what feels like forever and then says, “…I’m a singer.”

“Oh, local?” Maybe Geralt could go to a show.

“No, in town for a gig. Leaving first thing tomorrow.”

“Oh.”

That was disappointing. He knew it was only one night of fun, but he had hoped to try his luck and ask Julian out.

“If you want, I could give you my number. We could text?”

“I’d like that.”

———

Jaskier has no idea how he stumbled upon the one man on the continent who doesn’t know he’s a popstar, but he’s rolling with it.

At some point, Jaskier had to know this was coming. He and Geralt had been watching TV when one of his own performances appeared on the screen.

“Hey, Julian,” Geralt said, his tone laced with curiosity.

Jaskier braced himself. It was only a matter of time before Geralt put the pieces together.

“That musician—Jaskier—kind of looks like you,” Geralt remarked.

[artistsfuneral]

[A recording of a privat Emergency Hotline]

"Kaer Morhen Monster Processing, Vesemir speaking."

"My name is Lambert Hendriks. I need someone to kill monsters for me."

"Listen, kid, this is not a joke number. I'm not responsible for whatever laundry heap is casting shadows in your room. Where are your parents?"

"I'm not stupid. There's actual monsters in our house."

"Boy, this-"

"My father killed my Momma three days ago. He ran away after that and left the door open. She's starting to smell and it made monsters come inside. My father has a rifle but I'm locked into my room and my last lock pick broke, so I can't get it by myself."

[a pause, the sound of shuffling]

"Where do you live, kid?"

"He took us to a cabin in the woods. Near the Griffin Reservoir. I remember a road sign with a really big dick graffiti on it. We drove into the woods right after we passed it."

"Alright kid, that's good, I'm fairly close by. Think you can hold out a couple of hours?"

"I guess so. They're clawing at the door, but I pushed my drawers in front of it. I don't have any money, but-"

"Don't worry about that, kid."

"But it's important! Witchers get paid for killing monsters. I don't have money, but my father stole something before he got into the fight with Momma, so you can have that. Law of surprise, right? Whatever you see first, you can have it."

"Okay. Alright. We'll do that. I'll be there soon."

[End of the Recording]

(not seen in this, Vesemir having to enter the house through a window and the first thing he sees is Lambert, locked up in a tiny room, chained to his bed, with a kitchen knife in hand)

[wehavekookies]

First of all, how are these five years old already.

[lansalla]

ok guys, but in Modern AU Jaskier and Radovid would still be an ideal couple

[fangirleaconmigo]

Modern AU where Jaskier posts all of his song to youtube. He doesn't have very many hits so he doesn't think much about taking them all off one day when he is rethinking his social media strategy.

He is shocked when his handsome but introverted neighbor (Geralt is his name) calls him at one am panicking. (The man has never even used his number. Jaskier came up with some painfully transparent excuse about a neighborhood watch just to get him to take it.)

Geralt's daughter Ciri has woken up with a nightmare and apparently the only thing that gets her to sleep is Jaskier's singing. However, Geralt is panicking because can't find his videos. He rambles about not being able to find them anywhere and he feels stupid, bad at social media, he shouldn't have called, etc.

Jaskier is intrigued. "I didn't even know you knew about my music."

"You mention it every time I see you in the hall."

"Oh, you are unbearably blunt. Touche, touche. In my defense, I didn't know you listened when I rambled on."

"I do." His neighbor sounds affronted.

"Alright then."

"Is that a yes? You'll sing to her?"

Jaskier isn't done questioning him. "You really play her my music?"

*Pause*

"She hears your music."

"How."

"I might listen to your music at night. To wind down. She just overhears. She's gotten used to it."

Jaskier feels quite smug. "Well alright. Anything for my fans. Put the little one on."

Geralt rolls his eyes but smiles and puts the phone on speaker. Ciri shrieks with delight to hear Jaskier's voice. After she falls asleep, Geralt sneaks out of her room whispering a thank you.

"You know," Jaskier says playfully. "My voice is better live. I could come over sometimes to sing you lullabies in person."

Geralt is glad you can't hear a blush over the phone.

"Yes. Ok."

"Yes?" Jaskier crows.

"Yes. I'd like that."

--fin

Inspiration

[humblebardd]

Jaskier: you know why I called you in here, right?

Geralt: yeah, because I accidentally sent you a dick pic—

Jaskier: *stops pouring two glasses of wine* accidentally??

[twistedappletree]

jin ling: *blasting ‘good luck, babe!’ by chappell roan in his room for the 39374737373th time in a row*

jiang cheng in the kitchen, rubbing his temples: which lan kid do i have to beat up now?

[its-bread-bitch]

Modern Geraskier would be Jaskier in the sluttiest, most colorful fashion forward outfits imaginable, serving cunt 24/7 and Geralt in one hoodie/t shirt that’s falling apart and only gets washed once a month. Geralt is not serving cunt. He’s giving 1AM Walmart depression run with ‘tism rizz that only and VIOLENTLY affects Jaskier.

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Prompt 70

Jaskier is the worst roommate Geralt could ever ask for. He comes home at odd hours of the night, constantly makes noise and chatter, and he brings home random strangers almost every damn night. It'll be three in the morning when Jaskier stumbles in, drunk off his ass, heeled shoes loudly clicking against their floor as he meanders about, squinting and knocking things over. At least he has the decency to mumble "Sorry" every time he breaks something, but is he apologizing to Geralt, or apologizing to the damn mop? He talks to himself, he sings to himself, he sings as a hobby, he sings as a job, he plays his lute/guitar loudly all throughout the day and night, he even talks in his damn sleep. Constant humming, singing, talking, muttering, whispering. Hookups and flings and fuckbuddies galore, both women and men. Not that Geralt cares, it was just something he observed. They'd steal his food, or use up the shower when Geralt was meant to be getting ready for work, or they'd leave and keep the door unlocked. The worst was when Jaskier's bachelor of the night mistook Geralt's bedroom for Jaskier's bedroom and very happily cozied up and went to sleep in Geralt's bed. Naked. Geralt didn't even care if he was high, drunk, or just dumb, he threw him out all the same. When Geralt's girlfriend, Yennefer, breaks up with him, he is comforted by Jaskier of all people. Coming home tipsy and without a shirt, and yet still sitting down next to Geralt and giving him a thoughtful, long, deep pep-talk. Maybe he isn't all bad, after all. Geralt is the worst roommate Jaskier could ever ask for. Don't get Jaskier wrong, Geralt is unbelievably easy on the eyes, but that's pretty much all he has. Geralt always looms silently in the dark, offers brutal remarks at best and grunts at worst, and for some reason always has a little blood on him. It'll be three in the morning when Jaskier stumbles in, drunk off his ass, and Geralt will just walk out of the shadows with an insanely deep "Did you remember to lock the door?", scaring the bleeding daylights out of him! He walks quieter than a damn cat! He should wear a bell like one! Fuck's sakes! Geralt's ~lovely~ comments are always harsh but sadly never truly unprompted. Jaskier will get stuck on a line and ask aloud for help, momentarily forgetting his only recent company has been Geralt, and Geralt will sometimes oblige him with an answer, such as "Can you shut up for five minutes?" "It's too late for this shit." "I hate it." So on and so forth. Jaskier learns to stop asking... Mostly. Jaskier went to shave one time, and found blood in the sink. He looked over at Geralt and asked him if he had cut himself shaving. Geralt said no. Jaskier REASONABLY asked why there had been blood in the sink, and got the answer "Work." WORK?????? "And your job is what?! BLEEDING INTO SINKS!?" and yet Geralt was already walking out the door. But then one night he comes home, to find Geralt waiting for him - Silently, alone in the dark, just sat there. Like always. Weirdo. - demanding his half of the rent. Fuck. Fuck, Jaskier completely forgot- Jaskier starts panicking. He explains how he doesn't have the money, that some of his latest gigs have backed out on him or refused him pay for bullshit reasons and he didn't earn as much as he expected to, and begs to not be kicked out. He's surprised when Geralt calms him down from his spiral, and tells him to take a deep breath and wash away his tears - Shit, when did he start crying? - He comes back and Geralt sits him down and explains he'll cover the entire rent this month, his work had gone extra well recently. He knows what it's like for people to pull out pay or suddenly ignore your deal, and won't hold it against Jaskier, but expects him to be able to pay next time. Jaskier is so overjoyed he hugs Geralt. And Geralt lets him. Maybe he isn't all bad, after all.

[cod-dump]

Nik: History was second on my list of favorite subjects when I was studying.

Price: What was first?

Nik: Geography. The atlas was bigger, and it was easier to hide a bottle of vodka behind it.

[thedemonofcat]

In the modern age, with monsters becoming rarer, secrecy became the Witchers’ greatest ally. The fewer humans who knew of their existence, the safer it was. To maintain this, Witchers like Geralt relied on the Axii Sign to erase the memories of anyone who witnessed them in action. After each hunt, they left no trace of their involvement, blending back into the shadows.

For Geralt, this system worked flawlessly—until one fateful night. While hunting a vampire, he stumbled upon a traveling musician, Jaskier, who was on the verge of becoming the creature’s next victim. Geralt dispatched the monster and erased Jaskier’s memory, assuming that was the end of it. But just a week later, he crossed paths with the bard again—this time fending off a siren attack. Once again, Geralt saved him and used Axii to wipe his memory.

Yet, the encounters didn’t stop. Week after week, Geralt found himself rescuing Jaskier from increasingly dangerous monsters. Each time, he erased the bard’s memories, but something was amiss. Jaskier began recalling flashes of past encounters—hazy images of Geralt’s face and fragments of the battles he shouldn’t have remembered.

It didn’t take long for Geralt to suspect that Jaskier was more than just a hapless musician. Monsters were drawn to him in ways that defied reason. Geralt couldn’t shake the feeling that something deeper, something unnatural, was at work—something that tied Jaskier to the very creatures Geralt had spent his life hunting.

[artistsfuneral]

modern au Vesemir watching lil Eskel and Geralt on the playground one morning when a small Lambert approaches him. Lambert explains tha he's currently playing a game with his Dad, where his Dad drives him somewhere and Lambert has to find his way back home. Dad says it's supposed to help him should he ever get lost and usually he's really really good at finding his way home, but this time he doesn't recognize the streetnames and sleeping on the park bench wasn't fun and he doesn't want to do it again, so he asks Vesemir for the name of the playground doesn't even think about asking if Vesemir can take him home and turns out this time his Dad left him behind two towns over, so it's no wonder he didn't recognize his surroundings and then little Lambert asks in which direction he has to walk to get back home to win the game and Vesemir silently wonders how to justify punching Lambert's Dad in a courtroom

[churchofpossum]

I don't have a happy new year thing for this year bcs it sucked and I am just happy it is over. So here's one from last year, no idea if I ever posted it here. So happy new year to you, may all your resolutions come true.

[viktoriaashleyyx]

I wasn't tagged but I found this and want to do it.

Rules: Make a poll with 5 of your all-time favorite characters and then tag five people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favorite.

No pressure tags but I would like to see yours:

@farintonorth @matrixsss @1800naveen @merwgue @ladythornofrivia