#Witcher modern

[araneapeixes]

witcher giiirrllll

[artistsfuneral]

[A recording of a privat Emergency Hotline]

"Kaer Morhen Monster Processing, Vesemir speaking."

"My name is Lambert Hendriks. I need someone to kill monsters for me."

"Listen, kid, this is not a joke number. I'm not responsible for whatever laundry heap is casting shadows in your room. Where are your parents?"

"I'm not stupid. There's actual monsters in our house."

"Boy, this-"

"My father killed my Momma three days ago. He ran away after that and left the door open. She's starting to smell and it made monsters come inside. My father has a rifle but I'm locked into my room and my last lock pick broke, so I can't get it by myself."

[a pause, the sound of shuffling]

"Where do you live, kid?"

"He took us to a cabin in the woods. Near the Griffin Reservoir. I remember a road sign with a really big dick graffiti on it. We drove into the woods right after we passed it."

"Alright kid, that's good, I'm fairly close by. Think you can hold out a couple of hours?"

"I guess so. They're clawing at the door, but I pushed my drawers in front of it. I don't have any money, but-"

"Don't worry about that, kid."

"But it's important! Witchers get paid for killing monsters. I don't have money, but my father stole something before he got into the fight with Momma, so you can have that. Law of surprise, right? Whatever you see first, you can have it."

"Okay. Alright. We'll do that. I'll be there soon."

[End of the Recording]

(not seen in this, Vesemir having to enter the house through a window and the first thing he sees is Lambert, locked up in a tiny room, chained to his bed, with a kitchen knife in hand)

[thedemonofcat]

“What do you do?” Geralt asks, trying to be conversational with the beautiful man he had somehow gone home with last night.

Julian looks at him incredulously over breakfast for what feels like forever and then says, “…I’m a singer.”

“Oh, local?” Maybe Geralt could go to a show.

“No, in town for a gig. Leaving first thing tomorrow.”

“Oh.”

That was disappointing. He knew it was only one night of fun, but he had hoped to try his luck and ask Julian out.

“If you want, I could give you my number. We could text?”

“I’d like that.”

———

Jaskier has no idea how he stumbled upon the one man on the continent who doesn’t know he’s a popstar, but he’s rolling with it.

At some point, Jaskier had to know this was coming. He and Geralt had been watching TV when one of his own performances appeared on the screen.

“Hey, Julian,” Geralt said, his tone laced with curiosity.

Jaskier braced himself. It was only a matter of time before Geralt put the pieces together.

“That musician—Jaskier—kind of looks like you,” Geralt remarked.

[lansalla]

ok guys, but in Modern AU Jaskier and Radovid would still be an ideal couple

[wehavekookies]

First of all, how are these five years old already.

[fangirleaconmigo]

Modern AU where Jaskier posts all of his song to youtube. He doesn't have very many hits so he doesn't think much about taking them all off one day when he is rethinking his social media strategy.

He is shocked when his handsome but introverted neighbor (Geralt is his name) calls him at one am panicking. (The man has never even used his number. Jaskier came up with some painfully transparent excuse about a neighborhood watch just to get him to take it.)

Geralt's daughter Ciri has woken up with a nightmare and apparently the only thing that gets her to sleep is Jaskier's singing. However, Geralt is panicking because can't find his videos. He rambles about not being able to find them anywhere and he feels stupid, bad at social media, he shouldn't have called, etc.

Jaskier is intrigued. "I didn't even know you knew about my music."

"You mention it every time I see you in the hall."

"Oh, you are unbearably blunt. Touche, touche. In my defense, I didn't know you listened when I rambled on."

"I do." His neighbor sounds affronted.

"Alright then."

"Is that a yes? You'll sing to her?"

Jaskier isn't done questioning him. "You really play her my music?"

*Pause*

"She hears your music."

"How."

"I might listen to your music at night. To wind down. She just overhears. She's gotten used to it."

Jaskier feels quite smug. "Well alright. Anything for my fans. Put the little one on."

Geralt rolls his eyes but smiles and puts the phone on speaker. Ciri shrieks with delight to hear Jaskier's voice. After she falls asleep, Geralt sneaks out of her room whispering a thank you.

"You know," Jaskier says playfully. "My voice is better live. I could come over sometimes to sing you lullabies in person."

Geralt is glad you can't hear a blush over the phone.

"Yes. Ok."

"Yes?" Jaskier crows.

"Yes. I'd like that."

--fin

Inspiration

[humblebardd]

Jaskier: you know why I called you in here, right?

Geralt: yeah, because I accidentally sent you a dick pic—

Jaskier: *stops pouring two glasses of wine* accidentally??

[twistedappletree]

jin ling: *blasting ‘good luck, babe!’ by chappell roan in his room for the 39374737373th time in a row*

jiang cheng in the kitchen, rubbing his temples: which lan kid do i have to beat up now?

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Prompt 52

Jaskier is running away from his abusive home, cutting them all off without a word, and disappearing into the night to move to somewhere with a better future for himself. Only issue? He has no car, or money. So he sucks it up and tries hitchhiking, regardless of all the horror stories everyone tells you about. He was expecting some awkward drive with some old random trucker or something, like what always happens in the movies. What he wasn't expecting was for three brothers on a yearly family bonding road trip to agree to take him with them across multiple states (or uk equivalent) What he REALLY wasn't expecting was to fall in love with one of the men, who has long white hair, piercing golden eyes, an awkward-shaped smile, a ridiculously named pet horse, and a stupid sense of humor.

[its-bread-bitch]

Modern Geraskier would be Jaskier in the sluttiest, most colorful fashion forward outfits imaginable, serving cunt 24/7 and Geralt in one hoodie/t shirt that’s falling apart and only gets washed once a month. Geralt is not serving cunt. He’s giving 1AM Walmart depression run with ‘tism rizz that only and VIOLENTLY affects Jaskier.

[cod-dump]

Nik: History was second on my list of favorite subjects when I was studying.

Price: What was first?

Nik: Geography. The atlas was bigger, and it was easier to hide a bottle of vodka behind it.

[churchofpossum]

I don't have a happy new year thing for this year bcs it sucked and I am just happy it is over. So here's one from last year, no idea if I ever posted it here. So happy new year to you, may all your resolutions come true.

[artistsfuneral]

modern au Vesemir watching lil Eskel and Geralt on the playground one morning when a small Lambert approaches him. Lambert explains tha he's currently playing a game with his Dad, where his Dad drives him somewhere and Lambert has to find his way back home. Dad says it's supposed to help him should he ever get lost and usually he's really really good at finding his way home, but this time he doesn't recognize the streetnames and sleeping on the park bench wasn't fun and he doesn't want to do it again, so he asks Vesemir for the name of the playground doesn't even think about asking if Vesemir can take him home and turns out this time his Dad left him behind two towns over, so it's no wonder he didn't recognize his surroundings and then little Lambert asks in which direction he has to walk to get back home to win the game and Vesemir silently wonders how to justify punching Lambert's Dad in a courtroom

[thedemonofcat]

Jaskier is seated next to Geralt and Ciri on a plane.

Ciri drags Jaskier into her games of pretend.

By the end of the flight, she is convinced that Jaskier is her new best friend and the perfect match for her dad.

The plane touched down after a grueling fifteen-hour journey from the US to the UK. Ciri, bursting with youthful energy, chatted excitedly with her newfound friend as the trio headed towards the baggage claim.

"You should join us for dinner," Ciri suggested eagerly.

"Ciri, I'm sure Juilan has other plans," Geralt interjected, his protective instincts on high alert. From Juilan Pankratz's accent, it was clear he was a local.

Juilan smiled warmly. "Oh, I don't have many plans aside from visiting my sister. I'd be happy to show you around if you'd like."

"Yes, please!" Ciri beamed, giving her father a pleading look until Geralt reluctantly agreed.

"Here, let me give you my number," Juilan said, pulling out his phone. After they exchanged numbers, his luggage appeared, and he prepared to leave. "Well, I must be off."

To Geralt’s surprise, as Juilan stepped away, his relaxed demeanor shifted dramatically. A crowd of paparazzi descended upon him, cameras flashing.

"Jaskier! Over here!" they shouted.

In that moment, Geralt realized the truth—Juilan Pankratz was none other than the famous folk singer, Jaskier.

[viktoriaashleyyx]

I wasn't tagged but I found this and want to do it.

Rules: Make a poll with 5 of your all-time favorite characters and then tag five people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favorite.

No pressure tags but I would like to see yours:

@farintonorth @matrixsss @1800naveen @merwgue @ladythornofrivia

[fandom-junk-drawer]

Modern Day Geralt and Jaskier being two halves of the same idiot