#Willow Ironwood

[bonefydskeleton]

“Are you sure we can’t eat these for dinner, Willow?”

My Celebradiation ‘24 exchange partner was @the-laridian! All of the requested characters were delightful, but as a huge Fallout 76 fan myself and an owner of over a dozen chickens, I couldn’t help but be enamored by Willow’s relationship with his hens. Even if Beckett does struggle with understanding 2 chickens for dinner vs a sustainable source of omelettes and scrambled eggs for years to come.

[the-laridian]

In Vault 76, Bold Abernathy (@porkwithbones) had a serious high-school crush on Willow Ironwood. He never said anything, and now that everyone's out in the wasteland, Willow's with Beckett. 

But Bold could dream! And this is one of those daydreams, of him with Willow. 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

Happy Valentine's Day!

[arc-misadventures]

What Are You Doing Here?

A thin. twig of a man was walking the streets of, Mantle. A grey hood covered his head as he tried to remain unseen. He was here on a mission, a very important mission. One that if he was caught would cause untold amount of suffering, and damage. But, he would be willing to fight to complete his mission. And, nothing was going to stop him!

Except for a six foot six, blond hair specialist grabbing him by the back of his hoodie holding him aloft as he hopelessly kicked his feet in the air.

: GRAHH?! Let go of me go!

: Only if you explain what you're doing here?

: I-It doesn't concern you, Jaune!

Jaune Arc, on another one of his patrols in, Mantle after the ballot boxes were delivered to another community halls for the upcoming vote. But, his patrol was brought to an abrupt detour when he stumbled upon a most unexpected sight.

The sole male heir of the, Schnee family. Whitely Schnee out on a leisurely stroll.

Jaune: Doesn't concern me?! Oh yeah, Winter's gonna love the fact I told her: 'Hey, Winter I saw your little brother down in, Mantle! I don't know what he was doing, I just left him alone!'

Jaune: Do you have any idea what she would do to me if I told her that, Whit?!

Whitely: Then don't tell her!

Jaune: Are you trying to get me killed?!

Whitely: This doesn't concern you! Let me go!

Jaune: Whitely... Tell me what's happening, or I'll tell, Willow you're down here...

Whitely stopped struggling in, Jaune's grasp, his whole body going limp as he comprehended his threat.

Whitely: Okay... Okay, I'll tell you why I'm here. But, please... don't tell my mom...

Jaune: Smart lad.

Jaune dropped, Whitely who straightened out his clothes before turning to face, Jaune keeping his hoodie over his head to hid his identity, and his highly recognizable heir from any passers by.

Whitely: I'm here, because I am going to a rally that's being held today.

Jaune: A rally? One of the political rallies?

Whitely: Y-Yeah...

Jaune: Who's rally? The election is in a two days, there's five rally's happening right now. Who are you making your way to, Whit?

Whitely: ...

Whitely: I'm... I'm heading to, Robyn Hill's rally...

Jaune: Robyn Hill?! Why the hell are you going there?

Whitely: I-I have my reasons...

Jaune: You better tell me, because seriously, Whit... I can think of many reasons for why you wouldn't go there, but I can't think of a single reason why you would want to go there.

Whitely: Oh yeah?! What reasons could you think of!

Jaune: You're, Jacques Schnee's son, you're the heir to the Schnee Dust Company, and it's fortune. You're part of the uppermost class of the, Atlasian Elite, so why are you of all people, even associating with the 'lower class.'

Whitely: You know I'm nothing like my father! And, while the others are true... B-But, I don't think I'm better than everyone else!

Jaune: Just richer than them?

Whitely: Okay... t-that's... that's a fact. You can't use that against me!

Jaune: Yes, I can, and will.

Whitely: Okay, I know it may seem that I don't care for the 'common folk,' but Mom, and I are trying to make things better for people. Higher wages, better medical, dental, family, and a slew of other benefits! We're becoming less of a monopoly! We're doing so many things that is helping all of, Atlas, and Mantle!

Jaune: Yes, you told me that when I was over for dinner with you, and Willow the other day. And, that's all well, and good, but why are you going to one of, Robyn's Hill's rally?

Whitely: I'm not going to tell you anything!

Whitely stared defiantly at, Jaune. His stance solid, and defiant to the world, and the threat a seasoned, Specialist could offer to an auraless civilian. But, Jaune would teach him the futility of his defiance.

Jaune pulled out his scroll, and hit a few buttons, and hold it in front of, Whitely, his finger hovering over a button.

Jaune: You tell me why you're going to a rally for, Robyn Hill right now, or I swear I'll call your sister here right now.

Whitely: You think I'm scared of, Weiss?!

Jaune: Who said I was going to call, Weiss?

Whitely: ...?!

Whitely: Y-You wouldn't... You wouldn't dare...?

Jaune: Whit... the question you should be asking isn't whether, or not I'll do it. But, how fast, Winter will get down here to pick you up.

Whitely's eyes bugged out as he dry swallowed as he took in the essence of, Jaune's threat.

Whitely: ...

Whitely: I-I... I'm... I'm going to...

Jaune: Going to what?

Whitely: I'mgoingto,RobynHill'srallytoseemycrush!

Jaune: ...

Jaune: Beg pardon?

Whitely: I'm going to, Robyn Hill's rally to see my crush...

Jaune: You're crush... You have a crush...?

Jaune: It better not be, Robyn Hill, because she's claimed me...

Whitely: What, no It's not her...? Wait, I thought, Winter claimed you?

Jaune: I'm stuck between a love triangle that the two of them will fight tooth, and nail over who gets to have me.

Whitely: Okay...?

Jaune: If it's not, Robyn then who is it?

Whitely: I-I'll tell you who it is... but, only if you take me there to see her!

Jaune: ...

Jaune: Okay... but we're going to get you a took first. You look like a hoodlum looking like that.

Whitely: I'm not a hoodlum!

Jaune: That's a shame, you'd have more personality if you were...

Whitely: Hey!

~~~

Now the pair were at, Robyn Hill's rally the last one being held before the election. Whitely now had a nice burnt red took on his head, hiding his easily identifiable snow white hair.

Jaune was keeping his eye's on, Whitely, waiting for him to react to anything, or more importantly who was the one, Whitely had a crush on. And, the way he watched, Whitely's body stiffen, and his breath left him, and the way his cheeks became red. He knew who ever they were had appeared. And, he was most surprised for who it was,

Jaune: Wait... Fiona... Fiona Thyme?! That's your secret crush?!

Whitely: SHHHH! Don't say that out loud!

Jaune: Okay... I have so many questions... But, first off... she's twenty four, Fiona's at lease a decade older than you.

Whitely: What? I'm not fourteen, I'm seventeen years old, Jaune!

Jaune: ...

Jaune's eyes blink in bewilderment as he looked at, Whitely. Jaune proceed to grab, Whitely by the scuff of, Whitely's hoodie, and lifted him up into the air with one hand. Jaune held out his arm straight, and shook, Whitely in the air, watching his feet dangle effortlessly in the air before setting him down.

Jaune: ...

Jaune: Okay... We're changing your diet: More meats, and more protein, as well as getting you on a exercise regime. We need to put more meat on you, cause otherwise people will think you're a legal shouta.

Whitely: ...

Whitely: Okay...

Whitely: But, what about you! Winter's twenty five years old! And, you're...

Jaune: Nineteen.

Whitely: Nineteen! That's a six year difference!

Jaune: Compared to a seven year difference... No... Okay, look... It's not that bad, but it's not that good either. I just thought you were younger then you actually are. Seriously, we need to put some meat on your chicken legs.

Whitely: Shut up...

Jaune: But, why do you like her? I mean... You like, Fiona? I thought you didn't like faunas, she's a sheep faunas.

Whitely: I didn't... N-Not anymore... That was just my father's influence, I'm not like that anymore. I just saw her from a distance, and... I just fell for her... I think she's beautiful.

Jaune: Love at first sight...?

Whitely: Y-Yeah... you could say that...

Jaune: Oh gods...

Jaune: Have you talked to her?

Whitely: N-No... She's a, Huntress, a Happy Huntress, and a faunas. And, I'm...

Jaune: Whitely Schnee... son of the enemy of all faunas... Jacques Schnee...?

Whitely: Yeah...

Jaune: Damn... The decks already stacked against you, and you're not even at the table...

Whitely: She'd probably spit in my face just walking over to her.

Jaune: Give her some credit, Whit. Fiona's not like that, if you were an ass she'd punch you in the face. She's too classy to spit in your face.

Whitely: H-How do you know that... H-Have you talked to her?!

Jaune: A few times.

Whitely: Can you introduce me to her?!

Jaune: ...

Jaune: Haaa...

Jaune: Please don't make me regret doing this, Whit...

Whitely: Yes! Thank you big bro!

Jaune: Don't you call me that!

Whitely: Sorry...

~~~

Robyn: Hello, Specialist Arc... What brings you here this day, General Ironwood send you to complain about my running for election again.

Jaune: Drop the act, Robyn. Whit knows that I'm the prize in your competition thingy against, Winter.

Robyn: Oh... wait, who is that, Whit fellow?

Jaune: Just a friend I'm wingmanning for...

Robyn: Okay...? And, this, Whit fellow... has a thing for, Fiona...?

Jaune: Yeah, it's a love of first sight, kind of thing...

Robyn: Seriously...?

Jaune: It's also the first crush for the kid... teenager...Give him some slack, okay?

Robyn: Why are you doing this?

Jaune: ...

Jaune: I'm a romantic?

Robyn: You don't sound so sure about that...

Jaune: I've somehow managed to snagged three extremely hot badass warrior babes by being myself; I'm not sure about a lot of things!

Robyn: Three... Is there another woman I should be worried about?

Jaune: No. She's dead...

Robyn: Oh... I-I'm sorry, Jaune. I didn't mean...

Jaune: Stop, I would prefer not to talk about it. Let's just watch, Whit, and see how he'll do.

Robyn: O-Okay...

~~~

Walking up to, Fiona Thyme, Whitely was having a panic attack in his head. He was a seventeen year old kid, talking with his first crush, who happened to by a, Happy Huntress, and a faunas. He was the enemy of everything she no doubt stood for, because of his fathering was, Jacques Schnee.

But, like, Jaune told him: "You'll regret not telling her more than you will be for putting your foot in your mouth."

He just hopped he wouldn't put his foot so deep in his mouth.

~~~

Whitely: H-Hi!

Fiona stopped to looked at the kid standing before her, an inch smaller than her. He wore a a grey hoodie, and grey blue jeans, black sneakers, and a burnt red took. Fiona thought this... civilian looked nice, her certainly had nice icy blue eyes, but why is he talking to her, Robyn was right there after all?

Fiona: Hello...?

Whitely: Hi! Uhhh...? M-My name is...

Whitely's eyes darted around nervously, if he introduced himself as who he pretending to be, Whit, she'd probably ignore him. But, if he suddenly popped it on her that he was actually, Whitely Schnee, like he was embarrassed to be seen with her, because who he was. Fiona would probably, rightfully so, deck him in the face.

Whitely: My name is, Whitely... Whitely Schnee...

Whitely pulled off his burnt red took, showing off his snow white hair. He gave, Fiona a nervous smile, meanwhile, Fiona was staring at him wild eyed. Fiona's voice escaped her as her mind struggled to comprehend what it was standing before her.

Robyn: Wait, hold on...?! That's, Whitely Schnee?!

Jaune: Yes, and quiet!

Fiona: Whitely Schnee... Son of, Jacques Schnee...?

Whitely: Y-Yeah... That's me...

Fiona: Okay... W-What are you doing down here...?

Whitely: Down here in, Mantle? Did you not expect someone like me to be here?

Fiona: Uhh... yeah... For several reasons that.

Whitely: W-What reasons?

Fiona: You're, Whitely Schnee, son of, Jacques Schnee...

Whitely: That I am......

Fiona: What's a rich boy doing down her in the slums?

Whitely: This...? There are no slums in, Mantle?

Fiona: And, why are you an, faunas racist talking to a faunas?

Whitely: ...

Jaune: Oh shit...

Robyn: Wait... you said, wingmanning... Does, Whitely...?!

Whitely: I... I may have had such opinions... But, they weren't solely baseless, and my idea...

Fiona: Baseless? What do you mean by that?

Whitely: My father was the enemy of all faunas... And, he made faunas his enemy, blamed them for a lot of his problems, and he even forced a lot of these problems he caused on them. So, I can understand their hate for me, and my father. And, I can understand why they all think that I'm a carbon copy of my father. But, I'm not my father!

Fiona: And, why do you say that?

Whitely: I did agree with my father, and his opinions of faunas. Not all faunas, just those of the, White Fang...

Fiona: The White Fang?

Whitely: You probably heard how they were 'freedom fighters,' fighting for faunas rights... You tell me to believe that is the truth when your mother's shielding your eyes so you don't see the dismembered body of your cousin. You didn't see your father absolutely loose it when one of the dust shipments got attacked by the, White Fang, and he took out his anger on your mother...

Whitely: I don't hate the faunas, Fiona. I hate the, White Fang, because of what they did to me, and my family... My father... Jacques would hate you for being a faunas. Me...? I'm... I'm not my father. Like he would ever have a crush on a cute sheep faunas anyway...

Fiona looked at, Whitely. She was feeling down, she was judging him based on his linage, often something others did to her because she was a faunas. He couldn't control being, Jacques Schnee's son, but he did control who he choose to become. Besides, it's like he said: It's not like, Jacques Schnee would ever have a crush on a cute sheep...?!

Fiona: W-W-Wait?! 'A crush on a cute sheep faunas?!' Do you have a crush on me?!

Whitely: AHH?! Oh shit... I didn't mean to tell you that?!

Robyn: Holy shit?!

May: The, Schnee kid has a crush on, Fiona?!

Joanna: And, is, Fiona blushing?!

Jaune: Well this isn't how you'd want things to go... but, I did worse, so...?

Fiona: YOU DO?!

Whitely: I snuck into one of, Robyn Hill's political rallies, and saw you! And, I fell for you the moment I laid my eyes upon you!

Fiona: Love at first sight?!

Jaune: Going for broke eh, Whit?

Robyn: Somebody please tell me you're recording this?!

Joanna: From the moment I came here!

May: I've been taking photos!

Whitely: S-So, Fiona Thyme! Will you please go out with me?!

Fiona: O-O-Oh... W-Well... I'm too old for you... I mean, a thirteen year old going out with a twenty three year old... That's...?

Whitely: Seventeen!

Fiona: W-What?

Whitely: I'm seventeen years old... Jaune's going to put me on an excursive regium, and a new diet to bulk up so I stop looking like... like a kid... S-So, it's just a six year difference... So, c-could we...?

Fiona: ...

Fiona: D-Do you want to go on a date now...? Cause... I'm going to be busy the next few days... election stuff... So, I don't know if I'll be able to...

Whitely: Yes!

Fiona: Eep?!

Whitely: Sorry, I meant to say, yes.

Fiona: That's great!

Whitely: But, uhh... I don't know any of the restaurants around here... How about you take us to a nice one, where we can chat, and get to know one another better. My treat.

Fiona: I'd like that. Come on, Whitely.

Whitely: J-Just call me, Whit. Otherwise people might...

Fiona: Okay, Whit.

Fiona waited by the door as, Whitely put on his took, and ran up to, Fiona. the pair had matching smiles, and small blushes on their faces as they left on their date.

From the distance the group of, Huntresses, and the Specialist all cooed from the corner as they watched them leave together.

Robyn: Wow... out of all the things I expected today... Whitely Schnee asking, Fiona on a date, and her accepting it is the last thing I'd ever expected.

May: But, they look so cute together! Especially with, Fiona being just one inch taller than him!

Jaune: May, I'm going to need those photos, and that video, Joanna. Evidence for... for things...

Joanna: You got it!

Jaune: Hahaha! Willow's gonna love this!

Robyn: Hey, Jaune? How come you've never taken me out on a date before?

Jaune: Because, I'm too busy to go on a date with any of you! Winter's too busy going on a date with, because she's busy being a, Specialist. You're too busy being a politician to go on a date, Robyn. And, I'm too busy being playing both sides to get you elected, and manipulating, General Ironwood to get what needs to be done! Which is dragging everyone away from his stupid project, that if he finds out what I've done, he'll probably shoot me for treason!

May: Y-Your kidding, right...?

Jaune: No. No I am not.

Robyn, and her, Happy Huntresses all looked at, Jaune, and took in the dead seriousness in his eyes. Robyn placed her hand on him, activating her semblance showing it off in a vibrant green hue.

Joanna: Holy shit, he's telling the truth...

Jaune: Oi?!

(Slap!)

Robyn: Ow!

Jaune: None of that!

Robyn: How mean... How could you do that to such a delicate maiden~?

Jaune: If you used your semblances on yourself it would be as red as blood for saying that.

Robyn: Hey!

Jaune: Alright, I need to go back, my shift is almost over, and I need to file in a report. I'll see you later ladies.

May: Bye, Jaune.

Joanna: See you later, Jaune.

Jaune: Oh, before I go... Robyn?

Robyn: Yea... MPHH?!

Jaune grabbed, Robyn's chin, and pulled her in for a kiss. He pushed his lips upon her, causing, Robyn to moan deeply within her throat, causing her to gasp for air as he broke their kiss.

Jaune: Consider that an IOU for a real date.

Robyn: O-Okay...

Jaune: Well then, till later then, my Lady.

Jaune turned, and left the, Happy Huntresses 'secret' base. Leaving a panting, and blush stricken, Robyn with a hand upon her chest as she watched her, Knight leave.

Robyn: Oh gods~!

May: Oh shit... she's got it bad...

Joanna: She's got it really bad!

May: It's fucking adorable.

Joanna: So adorable.

~~~

One of the back doors to the, Schnee manor slowly opened, and closed as a skinny twig snuck it's way inside. It stealthily made it's way to a room in the house. As it reached the door to the room, it quietly opened the door, before slowly shutting it behind him. A tired sigh with a hint of joy escaped his lips. He turned on the lights to the room, turned around, and screamed.

: AHHHHHH?!?!

: Hello, Whitely...

Whitely: M-Mom?! What are you doing in my room?!

Willow: The better question is; Why are you home so late?

Whitely: Wha... I'm not late...

Willow: It's, 3:32 am...

Whitely: T-That's not so late...

Willow: Whitely you've complained that it's too late, and you need to head to bed at 9 pm. You have never once stay out so late before. So, where were you?

Whitely: I-I-I was out... w-with friends...

Willow: You don't have any friends.

Whitely: I just recently met them...

Willow: And, you were hanging out with these friends of yours... so late because...?

Whitely: W-We were just having so much fun we lost track of time...

Willow: And, did you have 'fun' with this friend?

Whitely: We just talked, we didn't do anything... uncouth...

Willow: But, would you have if you could?

Whitely: It was a first date, you don't do anything like that until the third...

Willow: So it was a date~?

Whitely: Grkk?!

Willow: So tell me, who was it that you were on this date with?

Whitely: I-I don't have to tell you anything!

Willow: Whitely... I am your mother, you will tell me about this sheep girl you were seeing...

Whitely: Wha... how did you know she was a sheep faunas?!

Willow: Because, Jaune told me.

Whitely: That traitor! Why did he tell you?!

Willow: Because you took so long, and for the record, Jaune didn't actually tell me.

Whitely: He didn't, then who did?

: I did.

Whitely: AHHHH?!

The chair to, Whitely's desk turned around to show a very irate Winter Schnee staring back at him.

Whitely: W-W-Winter?! When did you get here?!

Winter: Oh, a while after mother told me you weren't home. And, a few minutes after I interrogated, Jaune about who you were with. So, tell me, Whitely... Why were you on a date with, Fiona Thyme. A member of the, Happy Huntresses?

Whitely: I-I-I...?! I can explain!

Willow: I always knew you liked lamb, but to like it in such a manner~?

Whitely: I-I don't like it in that manner... Well, Fiona is...I don't mean!

Winter: Start talking, Whitely...

Willow: Yes, mother want's to hear everything about your little date~!

Whitely: Ohhhhh...!

Whitely: Shit...

[jedidragonwarriorqueen]

[luzriels]

"He then seized Merry's feet and drew him out of the suddenly widening crack. There was a tearing creak and the other crack split open, and out of it Pippin sprang, as if he had been kicked." — The Lord of the Rings, Book I, Chapter 6 "The Old Forest" // The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002) // The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power 2.04 "Eldest" (2024)

[howi99]

Prince of Vale 7

Meeting room

Jaune: *looking at the leaders of every major nation* Messieurs, leaders of Vacuo, Atlas, Mistral and Menagerie, i welcome you. *Bow in sign of respect to his guest*

All of the representatives: *bow to the king, showing their respect*

Jaune: *taking a seat* As all of you must know, i have summoned all of you to discuss two major incidents. The first and least important one being the demands of Jacques Schnee, demanding the day of my mother's funeral, the queen funeral, that i take one of his daughters as queen consort. The second and far more grave incident was the Prime Minister of Mistral accusing me of protecting the princess of Menagerie from the Mistralean judicial system.

Ghira: *looking directly at said Prime Minister* Is that so?

PM: *adjusting his tie* With all due respect, your daughter did participate in White Fang's activities. Both of your nations may not see them as a terrorist organization, but the material damage they are causing in the name of liberty cannot be disregarded.

Jacques: *a calculating look in his eyes* And should i remind you, your majesty, that said material was the property of the Schnee Dust Company? Not only that, but my daughter was placed in the same team as said criminal?

Jaune: *coldly looking at Jacques* First, may i remind you that you are only the manager of said company and not its true owner? *Looking at Willow* Your wife is the one allowed to speak without constraints during the meeting. And secondly, you shall address her by her title or miss Belladonna.

Willow: *surprised* Your majesty?

Jacques: ... *Sigh* I must ask your forgiveness. It slipped my mind.

Jaune: I see. *Now looking at the PM* Now, as you probably know, Miss Belladonna isn't part of the White Fang anymore. Not only that, but her crimes were committed as a minor. Furthermore, she isn't a Mistralean resident, meaning we are in no obligation to extradite her.

PM: *frowning* You are saying that she won't be punished for her crimes?

Jaune: *shaking his head* I never said that. She will be judged according to Valean laws.

Ghira: *nodding* And i approve of this decision. Tell me, wouldn't you prefer we bury the hatchet and try de-escalating the situation?

PM: ... *Sigh* What would be the sentence?

Jaune: Under our laws, she committed vandalism, vigilantism and endangerment of civilian life during said vigilantism. For the remainder of her time in Beacon, she will have to do community service every Saturday. Furthermore, she will be forbidden from leaving the vicinity of Beacon UNLESS it is for said service.

PM: ... Fine, we shall accept those conditions. *Looking at Ghira* In exchange, we simply ask for the White Fang to stop attacking the SDC shipments to our cities.

Ghira: *sigh* I would love to, but i have limited influence on them i'm afraid.

Jaune: *looking at the annoyed Jacques* Maybe the SDC could make some concessions? *Smiling, now looking at Willow* What do you think, lady Willow?

Willow: *nervous* I-i... My husband...

Jaune: *gently cutting her* Has no authority during this meeting.

Willow: *Feeling the gaze of her husband* I... *Shaky voice* Y-yes your majesty. The company has gone too far.

Jacques: *low angry voice* Willow...

Willow: *looking at Jaune with more resolve* I am fully aware of the wrongdoing of Jacques. In exchange for those concessions, however, i want the rights of the SDC's old mines back.

Jaune: *pensive* The one from before the faunus war, i assume?

Willow: *nod* Yes, your majesty... I will be frank with you, Jacques demands were mostly aimed at re-appropriating them back.

Jaune: *sigh* It would have been so much easier to say so... *Nod* You are free to restart mining on Valean soil. However, some of the mines were privatised. Is this fine with you, my lady?

Willow: *nod* I was already aware of that. Besides, competition never hurts.

Ironwood: *surprised, whispering to Winter* It's the first time i've seen her speak up.

Winter: *as surprised as him* Same for me here. I always thought she was completely under my father's thumb...

Jacques: *furious, getting up from his chair* Willow, what are you doing!? "I" own the company! "I" brought it back from the mountain of debts your father had to pay!

Willow: *looking at him* And in doing so, you ran my family name through the mud. *Getting up, locking eyes with him* You made us enemy number one of faunuskind, you supplied both the government and the criminals alike in the name of profit and that's enough! I'm through with this!

Jacques: What are you-

Willow: I'm divorcing you, you twat!

The Vacuan representative: *whispering to Jaune* Soooo.... Would it be a bad time to talk about the unlawful exploitation of our Dust by the SDC or?

[howlingday]

Seuqcaj

What if Jacques Schnee was... Well, what if he wasn't Jacques Schnee?

Winter: My father had a stroke years ago.

Willow: He didn't really. Weiss just says he did to excuse his behavior.

Jacques: Did you know that the peanut is neither a pea, nor a nut?

Ironwood: ...So, I understand you were once a huntress?

Jacques: Oh, wait... It is a nut.

---------------------------------------------------

Lisa: I hear you can you say your name backwards. Is that true?

Jacques: Seuqcaj!

Lisa: And what is your favorite food in the whole wide world?

Jacques: Seuqcaj!

Lisa: ...

---------------------------------------------------

Weiss: Mother! Have you seen Whitley?! I think I lost him!

Willow: When was the last time you saw him?

Weiss: Last night, when I took him on his first date.

Jacques: I remember my first date~!

Jacques: Your mother never looked lovelier~.

---------------------------------------------------

Willow: Well, I think Whitley looks dashing, and if you won't go to the gala with him, then I will~!

Jacques: What about me?

Willow: I was going to give you some rubber bands to play with, but if you insist, you can come.

Jacques: Oh... I could have had rubber bands...

---------------------------------------------------

Willow: Thank you all for coming tonight. Now, we all know why we're here tonight, don't we?

Jacques: To see those keeno nitro rockets! Vroom, vroom~!

---------------------------------------------------

Winter: I'm at a loss... I don't know if there is a way to fix Penny.

Willow: Your father is working on an experiment of his own. Perhaps you two can collaborate?

Winter: (Walks into Jacques' study w/ Willow, Sees convoluted contraptions at work)

Jacques: (Looking through a microscope)

Winter: And what is the... purpose of this experiment?

Jacques: I'm developing the world's very first fish-powered death ray! It'll make Roman Torchwick's version look like a joke~!

---------------------------------------------------

Jacques: (Standing next to a snow-woman) Winter, your man troubles are over because I found you the perfect mate~!

Jacques: His name is Ken and he lives in Malibu. He has a girlfriend named Barbie, but she's not much of a lady. More plastic than person, if you know what I mean.

---------------------------------------------------

Weiss: Father, I'm in love with two people, and I don't know who to choose between them.

Jacques: Oh, that is a tough one. I had gone through similar travails when I was with your mother.

Maybe in the past?

Jacques: (After beating a man senseless) I punch like comet, then drink 'til I vomit, I'm Jackie the Sailor Man~! (TOOT! TOOT!) Agh agh agh agh agh!

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Willow: Weiss! Jaune! I'm so glad you could make it!

Jaune: It's wonderful to see two people together after thirty years.

Jacques: (Stabs Jaune with a fork)

Jaune: OW!

Jacques: Oh! He is real~!

Weiss: ...Ugh, not one of his better days.

Willow: I'm afraid it is. I just don't know what to do; our marriage has never been this shaken and Jacques just isn't the man he used to be.

Jacques: (From the very top of a high pillar, Dressed up as) NANANANA! BATMAN~! (Swings down, Choking out a server) BATMAN~!

Klein: (Sighs) Very good, sir.

Clerk: ON STRIKE!

Jacques: Excuse me, my good man, but I could put you through with a man who can help. A man named... Batman..

Clerk: Er, that won't be necessary, sir.

Jacques: Oh, yes, it will! (Chops in the neck) BATMAN~!

Willow: (Sighs) Not every bullhead is on strike, are they?

Jacques: (Looks around, Sees Icarus Flights)

On said flight...

Jaune: I guess I could help, but I'll need a babysitter for Adrian.

Willow: This- This flight is dreadfully bumpy!

Jacques: I'll go have a word with the captain. (Enters Captain's cabin, Gasps) A pig?! (Grabs Six Swans bottle) And he's been drinking!

Pilot: (Pig Faunus, Burps)

Jacques: Wait a second... Pigs can't fly... PIGS CAN'T FLY! (Bullhead nosedives)

In the middle of the ocean...

Willow: (Reaching for an oar)

Pilot: (Grunts unintelligibly)

Jacques: I don't care how many stewards and stewardesses you bagged; you're still a lousy pilot!

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Weiss: Not to worry. I know just the man for the job; my father!

Later...

Adrian: (In a car seat, Giggling as he bounce) I love monster truck show~!

Jacques: (Driving monster truck) Hm? What show? (Continues crushing cars in the street)

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Weiss: Father, are you sure you're up for this?

Jacques: Weiss, it's only headmaster. Could I do any worse than Ozpin, or Ironwood, or Lionheart, who sold out his huntsman to Tyrian Callows for protection from Salem?

Whitley: Hm... Maybe he is cut out for this.

Jacques: Of course I am! (Pulls on face mask) Now let's rob that bank!

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Lisa: Our candidates are entering the stage now. Atlas Headmaster James Ironwood, Happy Huntress Robyn Hill, and former Councilman of Mantle Jacques Schnee. Councilman Schnee, an opening statement?

Jacques: As the first Faunus female head of the human supremacy group, I'd just like to say Atlas SUCKS!

Adam: This might actually hurt us more than it helps us.

Lisa: And Councilman Schnee, what would you do in the event of a Grimm invasion?

Jacques: (Cooking at podium, High-pitched) Then, you sprinkle your chicken liberally with old spice~!

Willow: Oh, Jacques, what can we do to save our darling son?!

Jacques: Not to worry, Willow, my darling wife. I have friends in high places who can help us!

At Atlas HQ...

Ironwood: Jacques. Always a pleasure.

Jacques: General Ironwood, my son is being held hostage in Menagerie, and I need you to save him. I've funded Atlas Academy for years, and I've never once asked for anything in return!

Ironwood: You asked to be made councilman of balloon doggies.

Jacques: I never asked to be made councilman of balloon doggies, the balloon doggies demanded it of me!

Jacques: (Holds up balloon doggy) Isn't that right?

Jacques: (Falsetto) "No!"

Jacques: Quiet, you!

Ironwood: Oh, Brothers...

[asexxxualerotica]

OC Muse List

~Dungeons & Dragons Muses~

Asterion Labrynthia: Minotaur prince in banishment from his kingdom. Quiet and gentle despite the great power and strength he wields. On a path of vengeance to avenge his killed parents.

Branwen Black: Ranger from the far north, raised and taught by an elite squad of mercenaries and huntsmen known as the Blackguard. Has a strangely innate connection to ravens and wolves.

Clover Brandyburke: Lagomore knight in service to a powerful archfey. On a quest to avenge his honor after his fiance left him on the altar. Serious and severe, and also naive to the mortal world.

Dariax Dendarrow: Goliath former bandit chief, abandoned after a disgraceful defeat to a young adventurer. Seeking to grow stronger to challenge the young adventurer again and defeat him.

The Devils of Emon: Based out of the Exandrian city of Emon, a band of adventurers named such for the surprisingly high number of tieflings in their crew.

Aquamarine: Tiefling rogue with ambitions to be the best thief in the region. Came to Emon and was immediately arrested for pickpocketing. Has an affinity for gems and trinkets.

Gamora Great-Bear: Orc warrior woman on a mission to find love, but just finding powerful monsters to defeat. Was similarly arrested, this time for exhibitionism, which she will do again.

Jeanne Ironwood: Woman driven by losses in her childhood to dragons. Trained by Percy DeRolo as an expert gunslinger and markswoman, and known for her cold and calculating demeanor.

Kyrie Targana: Tiefling performer who lost her arms to an abusive slaver. Was previously in a circus troupe with Omega and Thorne, and is now in a romantic relationship with Scourge.

Omega: Tiefling magician in a heated relationship with his succubus patron. Younger brother of Thorne. Definitely the most problem-attracting member of the crew.

Captain Scourge Maelstrom: Tiefling pirate captain and champion of the seas. Unofficial leader of the Devils, and the founding member. Captain of The Sea Devil, and tends to stay on his ship.

Thorne: Tiefling brawler known for getting drunk and getting into fights. Older brother of Omega. The most bristly member of the crew, often gets into fights with Jeanne late into the night.

Varris Alwyn: Tiefling warrior in loyal service to the Everlight. Seemingly ageless, and has a constant bet in the background by the rest of the Devils over whether he's really a dragon or an angel.

Verdant Wilde: Tiefling huntsman trained personally by Vex'ahlia DeRolo. Sent to Emon to keep an eye on things in Greystone Keep. Ended up forming a new adventuring crew alongside Jeanne.

Galatea the Golden-Scaled: Gladiatrix known for her gleaming golden battlekini. Left her life in the arena after repelling a raid on the city, seeing she could set out and do good elsewhere.

Jade Higurashi: Tiefling monk who was previously training to become a powerful sage for a local temple. After being thrown out, she turned to drinking and fighting to fill the gap they left.

Jaerik Aldraeyds: Changeling on a mission to find her true father in the Feywild. Unfortunately, her own naturally high libido and trend for falling to her enemy's lusts has delayed her quest incredibly.

Khadamori the Unbroken: Ulitharid warrior who was held in bondage by his own kin for most of his life. Eventually broke free and became a liberation leader, fighting to free slaves throughout the Underdark.

Korrin Vasailiis: Elven sorceress who made a deal with a demon to survive a horrible fate, and became a vampire in the process. Now on a quest to find new purpose, as her life is even longer than expected.

Lorelei Astolas: Tiefling lady of the night based out of Emon, a long-time rival and long-distance friend of the Ruby of the Sea. Known similarly as the Lady of Pearls for her pearlescent skintone.

Peregrine Weis: Tiefling warrior woman who was once a faithful weapon for a zealous church, but left when they murdered her wife. Now trying to make up for her loss, and find who she is without faith.

Riot Doomthighs: Goblin bard with a love for heavy metal music and a wild devotion to the death god Xyrnyxrys. Also known for wearing very suggestive (but still protective) armors during her performances.

Serena Clyffe: Former noble lady who fled her home after accidentally frying her would-be betrothed with lightning. Now on the run from the law, and experiencing the world for the first time. Absolutely loves storm chasing.

Terra Verdell: Wood elven druid who has never lived in high society and wants to experience all that she can of it. Left her home in the forests to seek fun. Has found plenty by way of encounters with monsters along the way.

Twilight Obsidia: Tiefling from the Shadowfell who left her abusive family to seek a better life. Currently trying to live her life as a witch in the woods, doing good for the locals and farmers.

Variax Frosthollow: White dragonborn warrior, strongest in his clan, with a destiny to become a true dragon. Was the son of a dragon himself, but was only a dragonborn rather than his true heir.

Velvetina Gingersnaps: Lagomore witch from the Feywild with a desire to see the world. Also with a desire to avoid all of the felonies and fines waiting for her in the Feywild for her past antics.

Wilder Evergreen: Tiefling-orc huntsman with a bone to pick with an archfey. Grew up in woods that neighbored the Feywild, and his sisters were taken when wandering in them. Out for blood.

Willow Wellmeadow: Lagomore druid settled in the mortal plane. Protector of the dense woodlands and warden of a portal to the Feywild. Tends to be kind and welcoming to visitors.

Xakos Duskwalker: Half-orc gunslinger and gunmaker. Studied in ancient artificing and restoration of mythical mechanisms. Had his research stolen and spread out, and is out to take it back.

Yora Vor'ziira: Dark elf rogue who was kept as a slave by her own kind and forced to fight in bloody combats. Was eventually helped free by a human slave, and now wanders the surface world seeking a home.

Zhekhar O'Shevaqt: Efreet lord, master of slaves and of coin in the City of Brass. Known for being incredibly charismatic and devilishly handsome. Also known for spoiling his toys utterly rotten.

Zurrak Hellbellows: Red Dragon, often in a human guise. Considered the King of Dragons, and reigns from a long-dormant volcano he has fashioned into a castle. Intent on conquest, and claiming more wealth.

[verydeadaten]

Whitley: *helping Willow stay on her feet* Come Mother, lets get you some water, and get you to bed.

Willow: *slurring her words* Whitley...Answer me something.

Whitley: What do you wish to know?

Willow: I can smell perfume on you.

Whitley: ...that is not a question.

Willow: Are you seeing someone?

Whitley: ...

Willow: Are they good to you?

Whitley: ...She's wonderful, mother. She's the most amazing woman I've ever met.

Willow: *pulls him into a hug* Oh, my sweet boy. I'm so happy for you. *pulls him away* Will I be able to meet her soon?

Whitley: I'm not sure. I hope so, I believe you'd like her.

Willow: Since you feel so strongly about her, I know I will.

***

Penny: *flying down* Mission successful sir! The Grimm invading Mantles northeast district have been routed and exterminated.

Ironwood: Wonderful job Penny. Make sure to file your field report.

Penny: Yes sir! Is there anything else you need?

Ironwood: Nothing now. Dismissed.

Penny: *salutes* Yes sir! *begins walking off*

Ironwood: ...Wait, Ms. Polendina.

Penny: *stops* Is something the matter, General?

Ironwood: That necklace you're wearing, It's new?

Penny: Oh-uhh, yes sir.

Ironwood: Was it a gift?

Penny: Yes sir.

Ironwood: Hmmm...Is Whitley treating you well?

Penny: W-WHAT? I'm n-not sure what you're talking about sir. Hiccup!

Ironwood: Don't play dumb Penny. You know I can tell when you're lying.

Penny: ...He has been treeting me well sir.

Ironwood: And I can trust you are treating him the same?

Penny: Yes sir!

Ironwood: That is good to hear. Does your father know?

Penny: Yes. Whitley's has come over and eaten with us twice now.

Ironwood: Wonderful. You can go home early if you wish.

Penny: Really?!

Ironwood: Yes. I know how his father is. You're probably going to call Whitley as soon as you get home. I wouldn't want keep you and the poor boy waiting.

Penny: *pulls him into a hug* OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! Thank you General. I'll see you tomorrow! *flies off*

Ironwood: *watching her fly off*

Ironwood: I should give Glynda a call.

[the-laridian]

Willow's House block. Modified slightly from a paper piecing kit I got like 8-9 years ago and never did. Willow's into bright colors and patterns and they're here in spades. I changed the sky part (upper right) to have a radstorm instead, because why not?

yeah I'm making another Fallout wall hanging.

(if you like, imagine that you've just drunk a whole bottle of mireshine on the way to his place, which explains the colors)

[bafflement]

About Those Fake Winters... [Deaged Oz AU]

Written for day 8 of the @remnants-of-rwby-events Vytal Festival. There may or may not be another submission later, we'll see...

This DOES serve as an introduction to a new OC, though. :D

AO3 Link:

Plain Text:

“There’s really been people claiming to be me?” Tip asked, sounding confused. “But… why?” He really couldn’t see any reason why anyone would want to do that, surely it would just be cruel? Besides, who’d go out of their way to be a missing child?

“Oh Winnie… money, of course. We’re not exactly poor…” Willow sounded slightly patronising, though her eyes were fond. Her little brother still seemed uncomfortable spending money, though they’d managed to argue that he needed fitting clothing f he wanted to be unobstructed when fighting. He’d been resistant to multiple sets, but they’d won there, too, eventually. So he had two sets of combat gear now. Both used identical patterns, only the colouring was different. Sapphire and silver for when he needed to look like a Schnee and his favoured emerald and gold for when he didn’t. They hadn’t told him that the shop in question had his measurements on file, nor about all the extra clothing they’d had commissioned. He’d find out eventually, but that he was so very against spending money at all didn’t really paint Vale in a very good light. But then, a lot of things didn’t.

Tip sighed, but he had to acknowledge the point. Everybody knew just how rich the Schnee’s were, it wasn’t beyond the realm of imagination that there could be money there for the claiming. The fact that there had been, not to mention exactly how much… he repressed the shiver. The money didn’t feel real yet, though he knew he could probably do a lot of good with it. He’d have to look into that, when things calmed down. That is, if they ever really did.

“What happened?” He asked, genuinely curious. He did hope that those pretending hadn’t suffered too much for it, there were likely very good reasons for them doing it. At least, he hoped there were. Pretending to be a missing child solely for monetary gain left a bad taste in his mouth, and would have done even if they hadn’t been pretending to be him.

Willow smirked, though her eyes were still rather sad. “Let me tell you the story of the fake Winters. There are reasons we never advertised your precise health issues… father was worried there might be imposters and, as always, he was right.” She sighed, thankful they were all sitting down, this was likely to take awhile.

“The first time someone claimed to be Winter Schnee you would have been, oh, fourteen or so? It took all of four years for someone to come forward, for the first try. Father was so hopeful, but… it was very obvious that they weren’t you.” There was laughter colouring her tone now and Tip raised one dark eyebrow, surprised. What had been so funny about someone trying to commit fraud? Ah well, he’d likely find out soon enough.

“As said, you would have been fourteen. The man who said he was you, well… wasn’t. Mid-twenties, maybe? Fully grown, with facial hair he hadn’t even bothered to dye… I give him props for the sheer audacity, but… you know he kept claiming to be you, even when it was so very obvious that he wasn’t? He claimed it was a semblance accident, seemed almost cruel to arrest him. I’m… not entirely sure what happened to him, actually. He was carted off and we just never heard from him again.”

Tip winced. While the story was very funny, he really did hope the man had gotten the help he obviously needed. He also hoped he hadn’t actually been locked up. Thankfully Fria had still been in charge, back then. She was usually a lot less controlling than James was, though he feared she might have made an exception for her nephew. That had been a shock, finding her name on the family tree. She’d gone out of her way to avoid admitting being a Schnee, but, well, there might have been reasons for that. He shook his head, the first imposter seemed pretty much harmless, though he doubted they’d stay that way.

“The second was… slightly more sinister. They’d used a semblance to appear to be you, were very much solely after the money. They seemed to assume that father’s colouring had been passed down to you, too, though. They’d done some research, but obviously not quite enough. White hair, blue eyes… they were so upset when they were arrested, though at least they admitted that they weren’t you easily enough. They wanted a reward for pointing out the supposed holes in our security.” She sighed again, still looking amused. “I was old enough to be directly involved, by then.”

“Did you? Give them money, I mean?” Tip asked, looking intrigued. He probably would have done in their place, since watching for semblances was really rather important.

“Once they got out of prison, they may or may not have been offered a job in security.” Willow said slowly. The look of appreciation on her brother’s face was slightly annoying, though they’d actually been a really good fit. Still were. They’d been down on their luck when they’d claimed to be Winter, had actually really needed the money, and had worked to achieve that. She actually called them a friend, now, or as much as she’d ever been allowed to call any employee such. Maybe she’d try to get closer to them, now Jacques was no longer an issue?

“Huh. I think I know who you mean…” Winter broke in, speaking for the first time since this had started. To her credit, she hadn’t known about either of these attempts, but… “Amaranth?” She asked, eyebrow raised in unconscious mimicry of Tip’s own a few minutes before. They really did look very alike, sometimes.

“Yes. I don’t think he really likes thinking about that episode very much. As said, he was desperate, but at least he actually had a good reason. The next claimant really didn’t. Oh, they wanted money, yes, but they weren’t in need of it. They were part of a criminal syndicate and… well, General Ironwood was rather less than impressed. It didn’t end well for them.”

“He was a general by then? Tip asked, knowing that had only happened in the last decade. How long had this been going on?

“Well, no. But he was on the rise in the military, and given his personal connections to the case, he got the go ahead to deal with things. At least, I assume that’s how it happened? Either way, he arrested the individual involved with a certain amount of prejudice. He’d written letters, you see… threats against out family.” Willow looked very serious now, meeting Tip’s suddenly horrified eyes. “That was the worst attempt. We got threats for, well, months after he was arrested. Then they stopped. The man was made an example of, nobody tried again until recently…”

“What happened to them?” Tip breathed, though he wasn’t sure he really wanted to know. He already knew more than enough about how James treated criminals, had never agreed with it. But surely before he was what he was now, he wouldn’t have had the power to do anything too bad?

“Nothing good. I’m not sure you really need to know the details and I’m almost certain they might have been exaggerated. Willow looked briefly apologetic as her brain caught up with what she’d just said, but it was so hard to think of her brother as an adult when he was this small, this young physically. When he still looked like Winter, instead of Ozpin. But it wasn’t something she could take back even as she hated herself for the flash of pain in her brother’s eyes.

“That’s alright… if I really want to know, I can just ask James, he’d probably know the details far more than you do anyway. I just… I don’t like the thought that whatever happened was so bad that it acted as that much of a deterrent. Don’t get me wrong, the idea that you had multiple people pretending to be me is ludicrous, but…” He trailed off, biting his lip in an action that was identical to the motion Winter had done when he was younger. Times like this, it was hard to believe that he really didn’t remember anything.

“Well. That one wasn’t particularly funny, but the next one really was. You were a teacher; did you ever have a problem with your students taking some very strange bets?”

Tip grinned, his entire face lighting up. This was more how he’d assumed this conversation was going to go. “Teenagers do tend to do some rather strange things, their brains aren’t fully developed and neither is their common sense.” He sent a playful look over to Weiss and Whitley, who rolled their eyes in unison. Both of them had heard this before, though it was still annoying heard from the mouth of what was for all intents and purposes an eleven-year-old. Neither one of them really bought Tip’s assurances that nothing had changed, though Weiss remembered certain things from Beacon and wondered, at times. Had Ozpin been like this too, just better at hiding it?

“Yes, well. The fourth attempt was the result of a bet. Not one in good taste, mind, and the students ended up in quite a bit of trouble over it, but… one of the students dyed their hair white, found contact lenses from somewhere and waltzed into the SDC lobby, claiming to be you. They were even limping, albeit on the wrong leg. Actually, they all were…”

The sparkle in Tip’s eyes dulled a bit at that. Why anyone would want to limp was beyond him, though he supposed it added validity to the attempt. He would have been furious with any of his students that had gone that far, though. There were limits to decency, though he might still have treated them better that James likely did. He wondered if they’d actually become a Huntsman at all… even if they’d been expelled, there were always other options. Contact lenses though, they were expensive. That they’d had access to them, well… that argues that whichever family they were from had been rather rich and to Atlas, sometimes, that mattered. Even James had to play politics.

“They copied the limp?” Weiss asked, sounding as disgusted as Tip felt. Obviously, that was a step too far for her, too. Winter and Whitley were scowling, so they obviously didn’t like that particular piece of information, either.

“They did. Not very well, nor for very long, but they did. I’m not certain why they thought we’d believe a twenty-year-old was somehow you, four years ago, but… well. Considering you are currently a child, maybe they knew something that we didn’t?” That was… actually a good point. There were prescient semblances and they tended to be incredibly useful for hunters, though if they could see the future, surely, they’d know the prank was a bad idea? Then again, they were still a student and even in Atlas’ more military environment that gave them at least some leeway. Oh, he hoped that it had. Pretending to be someone else was a criminal offence and he had the horrible feeling that things would only go worse for an Atlas cadet caught doing that.

“We found out it had been a prank rather quickly, considering. Nobody was massively impressed, but then they were just students.”

“They? There was more than one person involved at the time?” Tip had been almost certain that there would have been, though. It was rare for a student in heir later years of education to do things without at least nominal support from their team mates. But if a whole team had been involved, then that would have made it a lot easier just to expel them. He couldn’t help but wince at the thought, but again, it was unlikely that Willow would know what had happened to them. Winter might, but from her wince he really wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“That was rather a legend, amongst the military. It was definitely held up as an example of what not to do, though I wasn’t aware that it was specifically Uncle Winter that they had decided to impersonate. It might explain some of the anger, though.” Winter said, voice steady even as her eyes flashed. She was very unimpressed, that much was obvious, but at least if the story had spread then it would be very unlikely to be repeated any time soon. The students hadn’t even been expelled, though they’d all gained a black mark on their records. Some of that was to do with the families involved, but she suspected that her uncle might appreciate knowing that. Later, though. She was aware that there was still one imposter to go. She’d been directly involved in the last one, too.

“Hopefully they won’t do it again?” Tip said, though it was rather interesting to know that the incident had gotten that much traction. From his time at Beacon, he knew it was generally bad form to repeat a prank, for all he wasn’t certain he could really see the humour in that one. He might be too close to the problem, though.

“And then there was the last one. I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it, though I can see the logic of you not being told. I’m relatively sure General Ironwood only wanted to protect you, but… the last one was three weeks ago.” Willow sounded furious now, all traces of laughter gone from her voice. Tip flinched; it had really happened that recently? Had the rumours of his survival really pushed someone to go that far? And had they really wanted to convince people they were him, or merely to discredit Tip himself? He knew what Atlas seemed to think of his family now, knew most of it was far from positive. What could they have tried, had they been desperate enough? And more importantly, why hadn’t James told him of the attempt? Surely his friend must have known that he’d want to be told? Or was this, again, more proof that James actually did view him as a child? If that was true, maybe he really did need to get out of Atlas sooner rather than later.

He’d be taking his family with him, though. Whatever had happened three weeks ago, he rather thought James deserved some consequences of his own. His semblance was so useful in pranks and if he really viewed him as a child? Well, let him rue that decision at his leisure. If he wanted to treat Tip as a little boy, then that meant he might be free to act like one for a few days. Not that that would work long term, but he fancied a few days would already be more than enough…

The vengeful look in his eyes had been noticed. Willow looked rather worried, though Weiss looked strangely gleeful, she obviously could tell just what Tip was thinking at. Winter was studiously staring at the floor, which was nice. He suspected she wasn’t going to say anything if and when he took his revenge, though he also knew she wasn’t going to help. She still respected James far too much for that, even if it seemed to have dimmed slightly recently. Maybe that was a good thing, too.

“The last attempt was an adult, he showed up at one of the border stations, claiming to be you. He wasn’t let through, obviously, though various people were informed. When we got there, he was throwing the mother of all temper tantrums. You’d have thought he was about five, though he calmed down rather, on noticing that I was a Schnee.” Winter was the one to tell this part, though since she’d obviously been there, that made sense. Willow still looked furious.

“He was… rather inappropriate. Kept calling himself uncle Winter, even tried to touch me. Not that Clover let him. I think he’s still locked up somewhere, if you wanted to know, though I doubt you’d be told just where. I think the General was worried that the fact that the man had overstepped his boundaries so might have meant you might have been tempted to do something you regretted. We’re still not fully sure just how many people he was working with, if any… and them knowing that you’re this young and vulnerable, well, it wouldn’t exactly end well.”

Tip scowled again, but Winter had a very good point. Okay, maybe he’d only prank James the once, though he still wished he’d been told,

At least most of the impostors had been funny?

What the hell was wrong with Atlas, anyway?

[the-laridian]

OMG! I love this so much! :D :D And yes Willow in that Vault Tec suit! :D :D This is wonderful. The expressions. The poses. Thank you so, so much!

happy Fallout February @the-laridian! I was happy to have an excuse to draw Beckett.

[arc-misadventures]

In an effort to improve moral the council and Ironwood have agreed to Yang's plan and instigate the largest hide and seek game ever (TM) with a billion lien prize utilizing Penny as the seeker while the military holds a military "Exercise" outside the kingdom.

Nora wins

A few weeks later Jaune shows up and asks if the game is still going on.

The Hunt

Ironwood: Attention people of, Atlas, and Mantle! Today we will be conducting the worlds largest game of, Hide, and Go Seek!

Ironwood: Now I know many of you find this stupid, and silly. But, I am sure that for a prize of one billion Lien will change your minds! That's right people, the last person found, be they be male, or female, young, and old, human, and faunas alike will receive a prize of one billion Lien to do whatever they desire to do with it!

Ironwood: Now then, our seekers for this game will be, Atlas's proud Knights, and our loyal defender, Penny Polendina! Take it away, Ms. Polendina!

Penny: Thank you, General Ironwood! Salutations everyone! As the, General said, we will be hosting the worlds largest game of hide, and go seek with the grand prize for the last person found, winning one billion Lien! Now the rules are simple! Hide, and don't get caught! Of course we must advise you to hide in safe places, ant to not go anywhere that could get yourself hurt!

Penny: Now I have a complete data base of every individual who lives, in, Atlas, and Mantle. So I will be able to tell who has been found, and who is left to be found~! So don't worry, I won't leave a stone unturned in this great hunt!

Penny: And, with that, you all have five hours before the game begins! Starting... Now!

Penny: Good luck everyone, and let the games begin!

~~~ Penny: Aren't you going to hide, General?

Ironwood: Me? No, nonono, I am not interested in playing this game. Go right on ahead, Penny. Happy hunting.

Penny: I will go do that, Sir!

~~~

Penny: 1 hr 37 mins have elapsed since the start of the game: 1,721 players, and counting have been found.

Penny: ...

Penny: 1,722 players have been found; Hello friend, Blake!

Blake: What?! How did you find me so fast?!

Penny: Your hiding spot was not out of place, but empty boxes do not jiggle.

Blake: Shit! Knew I should have grab something to read that wasn't so spicy...

~~~

Penny: 2,520 players have been found, and 5% of, Atlas, and Mantle have been explored.

(Smash!)

Penny: 2,521 players have been found; Hello, Specials Ederne!

Elm: Hi, Penny... was it the fact I knock over the shelf that gave me away?

Penny: Negative. Your head is peeking over the top shelf.

Elm: Dammit! Curse my tall muscular build!

~~~

Penny: 3,791 players have been found, and 9.61% of Atlas, and Mantle have been searched.

(Creak)

Penny: Hmmm?

Penny looks up, and sees a bundle of read cloth hanging precariously from a chandler.

Penny: Hello, Ruby!

Ruby: H-Hi.. Penny...

Penny: How did you get up there, Ruby?

Ruby: My semblance.

Penny: Fascinating.

Penny: ...

Ruby: ...

Penny: Do you need help getting down?

Ruby: YES! Please help me I'm going to fall!

Penny: On it!

~~~

Penny: Hello, Friend Weiss!

Weiss: Oh? Hello, Penny. Would you care for a cup of tea?

Penny: No thank you.

Weiss: Tell me, how did you find me?

Penny: You mentioned where you were going to hide when this game was mentioned to, Yang; So, I just had to look. But, I must ask, how did you get a tea set all the way up here?

Weiss: Ahh well...

Weiss, and Penny look down to see the beautiful landscape of, Atlas, and Mantle.

Weiss: We, Schnee's have our ways~!

~~~

Penny: 5,782... Correction, 5,832 players have been found, 13.9% of, Atlas, and Mantle have been explored.

(Ca-thunk!)

Penny heard a sound emanate from within a broom closet.

Penny: Hmm? Investigating.

Penny walked to the closet, and opened the door, inside she found, Specialist Bree, and Ebi, within.

Penny: Salutations, Specialist Bree, Specialist Ebi! Only parents, and their young children are allowed to be together during the game of, Hide, and Go Seek. You two being together disqualifies both of you.

Clover: O-Oh does it? Shoot. I was running out of time to find a hiding spot, and I just jumped in here. And, well Harriet was already here, and the game started so... I just stayed here.

Harriet: I would have kicked him out, but it already started... So...

Penny: Understandable. Well, I will leave, and continue my search! But, before I go, Specialist Ebi?

Clover: Yes, Penny?

Penny: Your uniform seems to be undone, and there appears to be smudges on your face.

Clover: Oh did it, I hadn't notice.

Penny: Did something happen?

Clover: Ohh... Just got a little lucky. That's all.

Penny: I understood. Now then, the hunt continues!

Clover: Good luck, Penny!

Harriet: Bye.

Penny shuts the door, and the two stand there in silence for a moment before, Harriet slaps his chest.

Harriet: 'Got a little lucky?!' We finally have a chance to have some fun, and that's how you play it off?

Clover: Hey. I got to spend time with you, I can name a thousand reasons why that's considered lucky by anyone.

Harriet: Oh shut up, and kiss me.

Clover: Oh how lucky me~!

~~~

Penny: 7,127 players found, 27.3% of Atlas, and Mantle have been explored. Continuing the search. Hmm...?

Penny stops, as she sees a can on the side of the road being kicked to the side, and yet she saw no one was around to kick it.

Penny: Investigating... Heat Vision Activated.

Penny: Scanning...

Penny: Heat source detected, Knight's being issued to conduct search.

: Ahh! Whoa hey hey hey?!

Penny: Contestant found. Identify yourself.

: May. May Marigold...

Penny: Contestant, May Marigold has been disqualified from game for cheating.

May: What?! I'm disqualified for using my semblance?!

Penny: Negative: You are allowed to use your semblance if it allows you to stay hidden; But, you are disqualified for moving about, instead of staying hidden.

May: That's...!

May: That's fair...

Penny: Punishment has be administered. The hunt shall continue.

~~~

Winter: Oh, hello, Penny.

Penny: Salutations, Specialist Schnee!

Winter: I see you found everyone in my family. Please tell me my mother wasn't in the wine cellar...

Penny: She was not, she was in the kitchen making a cup of tea.

Winter: She was making a cup of tea? That sounds... okay...? I'll need to have a word with her... that's odd...

Penny: I was unable to find, Jacques Schnee. Do you perhaps have any ideas where I could find him?

Whitely: Father locked himself in the families panic room all by himself. He locked himself in there well before the competition started so no one else could get in.

Winter: Still as petty as ever... I'll show you to the panic room, I'm not interested in letting him win. This way, Penny.

Penny: Thank you~!

Winter: Here it is, just hack the door, and you should get in.

Penny: Hacking...

Whitely: Isn't this cheating? Telling your friend where, Father is?

Winter: She was going to check anyway. Might as well speed things along.

Penny: Vault open.

Winter: Alright, Father you have been found might as well...?! Whitely, stay back!

Whitely: Why? I need to...?!

Winter: I said, stay back!

Penny: Oh, this is unexpected...

Jacques Schnee, was lounging peacefully in his chair, his head staring at the ceiling, a cup of wine sat before him, his once proud white business suit, stained red with his blood.

Jacquess Schnee's throat had been slit.

Jacques Schnee, was dead.

~~~

Ironwood: You found his dead body in a panic room behind a locked vault door?

Winter: Indeed sir.

Ironwood: Suicide?

Winter: No idea, Sir. We will know more once the autopsy has been completed.

Ironwood: I guess someone thought that this game of hide, and go seek would be the opportune moment to commit a crime. But, within a locked safe? This makes no sense...

Winter: Records indicate that the door was only opened twice; When he went in, and when we went in to check on him.

Ironwood: Peculiar... Hmmm... Assemble whatever, Specialist's that have been found, and start investigating this at once. The fact that it was your father who was killed is one thing, but the fact that it happened behind a locked door is something else entirely.

Winter: At once, Sir!

Ironwood: They waited until the game began, and then killed him when no one was looking... This isn't good... Not good at all.

~~~

Penny: 9,723 player's, and 52.6% of Atlas, and Mantle have been searched.

Penny: Friend, Ren?

Ren: Oh, hello, Penny.

Penny: How did you get that tea set up in that tree? That is a potential fire hazard.

Ren: Don't worry, it's an electric heater, no open flame of any sort. Tell me, have you found, Nora yet?

Penny: Negative. Friend Nora has yet to be found. Do you have any idea where friend, Nora might be?

Ren: I don't know where exactly, Nora is. But, to give you a clue where she might be; Nora is probably in a place that doesn't seem physically possible to be in.

Penny: What? But, how is that possible?

Ren: It's, Nora.

Penny: I do not understand?

Ren: Neither do I.

Penny: Oh... Okay...?

~~~

Penny: Remove yourself from the premises at once.

Oscar: What? H-How did you find me?

Penny: The Vault is routinely monitored. You were found instantly hours ago the moment you walked into the premises.

Oscar: What?! Then how come you didn't call me out sooner, I've been waiting here for hours!

Penny: It was not to be checked until 70% of Atlas's, and Mantle's total population, and 80% of it's territory had been searched.

Oscar: Aww man... I waisted my whole day here...

~~~

Yang: Sup, Penny~!

Penny: Friend, Yang... W-Why are you in my room...?

Yang: Cause of all the places I thought you would never look, I doubted you would look in your own room.

Penny: That is correct... 99.9%, 15,971 inhabitants of Atlas, and Mantle have been found. And, 100% of the grounds of Atlas, and Mantle have been checked. Your guess that this would be the last place I would have check is correct.

Yang: Does that mean I won?!

Penny: Negative. The last individual to be found is, Nora Valkyrie.

Yang: Damn! I was so close. Well, lets meet up in the, General's office to announce the winner.

Penny: Very well.

Yang: Oh, and, Penny?

Penny: Yes?

Yang: About this, Ruby Chibi-ish plushie you have here...

Penny: W-What plushie...? Hiccup!

Yang: Relax, I'm totally fine with you two being a thing. That's not what I wanted to ask you about at all.

Penny: Oh? Then what is it?

Yang: Where can I get one~?

~~~

Ironwood: So you found everyone, Penny?

Penny: I have found everyone, but one.

Ironwood: Then we have a winner then?

Penny: Yes, Sir. Nora Valkyrie is the winner.

Ironwood: Then we shall announce that the game is over so she can come out of wherever it is she is hiding.

Penny: Very well, Sir!

~~~

Yang: So, wait, he was found dead in a panic room?

Weiss: Yes, apparently that is where, Winter, and Penny found him.

Blake: I would say I'm sorry, Weiss.

Ruby: But...?

Blake: What? I said, I would say I'm sorry, but come on, it's Jacques Schnee!

Ruby: But, he's, Weiss's dad!

Weiss: Nonono... It's alright, in fact I believe that the moment it is made public there will be people celebrating in the streets.

Yang: Whoo! Block party!

Clover: So where did they find you two?

Marrow: I was hiding in a locker, but it turned out to be a rocket locker, and I got sent out into the wastelands by accident. So I spent my time out there waiting to be picked up.

Vine: I was hiding in the, Bullhead that was sent to pick him up.

Harriet: HA!

Clover: Tough break.

Qrow: The found me after they knocked over a wine barrel, and it smashed on the floor.

Yang: I thought you gave up drinking, Uncle Qrow? What were you doing in a wine barrel?!

Qrow: It was empty! And, I don't know, I just sorta... fell into it.

Oscar: Just your semblance playing up on you?

Qrow: Oh shut up.

Oscar: Sorry.

Ironwood: Ahh, I see everyone's here. Good, since you're all close friends with, Ms. Valkyrie, perhaps one of you could tell us where she could be?

Weiss: You still haven't found her?

Blake: Have you tried notifying her on her scroll?

Penny: We have, but we have received no response.

Ruby: Hmmm... Hey, are those coffee cups?

Blake: They have, Nora's name on them.

Ren: Oh... oh that's not good.

Ironwood: Why, what's wrong?

Ren: Nora is hyperactive as it is, when she has coffee she gets super charged. Which results in... incidents happening.

Ironwood: Incidents? What kind of incidents?

Yang: Yes.

Ironwood: Okay...?

Clover: Then how do we find her to let her know she won?

Nora: I WON?!

RW: AHHHH!

Elm: Oh gods!?

Yang: The hell?!

Blake: NYAAHHHH!!!

MV: AHHH!!

Ironwood: Wait... did she...?

Penny: Hi, Friend Nora!

Nora: Hi~!

Nora: So, did I win?!

Ironwood: Yes, Miss Valkyrie, you did win.

Nora: FUCK YEAH!

Ironwood: I must ask though, where were you?

Nora: I drank two espressos here, and phased between realities, until I was in the null zone, where I excited in a state of non-existence. There I stayed until I was summoned from the void, and brought back to the material realm.

RWBYRO: ...

Qrow: Uhhh...?

CHEVM: ...?

Penny: Really?

Ironwood: Huw... there's video of her standing here in this room, then she just disappears... What?

Ren: Best not to dwell on it, Sir. It's just better that way.

Ironwood: Very well? Haaa... Alright then, we shall now announce the winner.

Nora: Whoo!

RWBYRO: YAY!

Winter: Ahh... I see you found, Miss Valkyrie. Where was she?

Ironwood: She was here.

Winter: Here...? In this room?

Winter: ...

Winter: Where?

Clover: We'll explain later. I hope...

Winter: I see...? Well then, congratulations then, Miss Valkyrie. You won, Atlas's, and Mantles first game of Hide, and Go Seek.

Nora: Yes! I win, I win~! DadadaaaDA!

Winter: Once, again I offer you my congratulations. I think you, and your friends should get together to... Hold on... Two, four, six, seven... We're is, Jaune?

Nora: J-Jaune...?

Weiss: Jaune's not here...?

Ruby: What? D-Didn't we see him... somewhere?

Yang: He was in this?

Blake: D-Didn't he tell you where he was hiding?

Ren: I thought he told you...

Nora: OH NO! We did it again! We all forgot about, Jaune!

Marrow: Wait, didn't you say you have a registry of everyone in, Mantle, and Atlas. You used it for the game.

Clover: Didn't you find everyone?

Harriet: You said you searched all of Mantle, and Atlas, right?

Penny: Checking...

Penny: ...

Penny: File corruption detected... Correcting...

Penny: ...

Penny: Corruption fixed. One file of, Luna Jaune Arc has been found. 99.9% of all inhabitants of Atlas, and Mantle have been found.

Blake: Wait, his first name is, Luna?

Ruby: Did you guys know?

Nora: No?!

Winter: Oh gods... Penny, do you know where, Jaune is?

Penny: Yes! I can track where his location is with his scroll!

Winter: Good, where is he?

Penny: He is...? Odd... He is located around the park in downtown, Mantle?

Ironwood: How is that odd?

Penny: I check the park myself... Myself, and thirty Knights were in the area... a-a-and we d-d-didn't f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-find HIM?!

With that, Penny short circuited, and fell to her knees. Everyone began to freakout, Penny's mind rebooted, and she quickly shot up, and saluted everyone!

Ruby: P-Penny, are you okay?

Penny: I am combat ready! Why, did something happen?

Clover: You found out where, Jaune is, and you...

Penny: Really? He is the winner of the game; Where is he?

Clover: The park in downtown, Mantle.

Penny: Really? I checked there, and I didn't see him there at all! I wonder where he was hiding?

Clover: Uhhh...?

Ironwood: I think we need to have, Dr. Polendina run a diagnostics on, Penny after this.

Winter: I agree, but first we must find, Jaune.

~~~

Team RWBY, Nora, Oscar, Penny, and Winter head towards the downtown, Mantle park. They noticed the various people who lost the game going about their day. They had happy faces, and they they could over hear them chatting about how much fun they had playing a massive game of hide, and go seek.

But, as they moved past the various happy faces, they eventually found one that stood out all on his own. A dour, and quiet expression was present across his face as he sat alone, playing a game of chess all against himself.

Nora: Jaune!

Ruby: Jaune, you're here!

Weiss: What are you doing here?

Jaune: Yeah... I've been here all day. Didn't you...? No you didn't see my note since you're asking me, 'What am I doing here?'

Yang: So, you've been here all day?

Jaune: More, or less. I did leave for a bit to grab a drink, and a hotdog from a hotdog stand. Good hotdog...

Jaune gestured to a pile of trash next to him.

Blake: Oh, you spilt some ketchup on your hand.

Jaune: Oh, I did...

Jaune licked his thumb before rubbing the smear off his hand.

Jaune: So, what's up?

Penny: Congrats, Jaune! You won!

Jaune: ...

Jaune: Won what?

Yang: The massive game of hide, and go seek... you won.

Jaune: Wait, we were doing that? I thought that was just a thing, Yang talked about.

Ruby: Yeah, d-didn't you know?

Jaune: Nope.

Ruby: Well we did...

Penny: And, you won!

Jaune: Yay.

Yang: Jaune, you won the one billion Lien prize!

Jaune: Again... yay.

Ruby: You don't care?

Jaune: ...

Jaune: Meh... maybe.

Nora: But, Jaune! Think of all the pancakes you can buy!

Jaune: Guys... I don't care. I'm just here playing chess.

Winter: By yourself?

Jaune: Well, people could have joined me, but they were all busy playing hide, and go seek, so...

Weiss: Okay...?

Ruby: So, uhhh... Should we go, and announce that, Jaune won?

Penny: General Ironwood plans to announce the winner tomorrow. So, we are fine.

Yang: In that case, where did you get that hotdog? Cause damn, am I hungry!

Jaune: It's somewhere on the other side of the park. It's easy enough to find.

Ruby: Awesome! Let's go guys!

Yang: Whoo! Hot dogs!

Oscar: I haven't had one in ages!

Nora: I'm gonna eat out their stall!

Weiss: I've never had a hotdog before.

Blake: I don't think I’ve ever had one either.

Ruby: What?! We must rectify that at once!

Swiftly the members of, Team RWBY, Nora, Ren, Oscar, and Penny swiftly left to enjoy hot dogs, leaving, Jaune all on his own once again. Or, so he thought.

Cause standing there, looking down on, Jaune from his seat was one, Winter Schnee.

Winter: Were you really all 'alone' today, were you?

Jaune said nothing, but his gaze darting to the side said everything.

Winter: May I... join you for a round, or two?

Jaune stares at, Winter for a moment, before resetting the chessboard, and turns it so that white is facing her.

Jaune: The first move is yours.

Winter smiled as she sat down, and made her first move.

[lyriquette]

Old RWBY AU description from the Frosen Steel server 12/24/2020:

noticing the trend that I was really really inspired that December 2020.

Anyway Silkpants!Weiss AU and drunkhacker!Willow blowing up on Jacques and manages to take out the company with her. Also the concept of a Ballmer peak (from xkcd) is that a certain precise blood alcohol level confers superhuman programming ability.

----

lilac — 12/24/2020 7:03 PM

Also silkpants!Weiss AU. Nail is that Jacques actually laid a hand on the kids and Willow goes berserk, baulking the unsaid patriarchial traditions in her family. She takes down the company with her own hands by revealing every dirty secret of the SDC which causes the Atlasian government to dismantle the company. Because of her assistance, she's awarded the rest of the liquid assets of the Schnee company, Jacques goes to jail, and Willow's all wow this went better than I could've ever imagined.

Changes involve the schneeblings are closer to each other, Willow works with Polendina and Atlas as the resident hacker and programmer, and Weiss ends up at Atlas than Beacon. Inspired by her mom taking out the thorn in the family, Weiss becomes the big bully of the family, except it's the other rich people that's scared of her.

Bully the weak? Hell no, I’m bullying the strong. Don't like it? You can bite me.

---

“Think it's funny tormenting little kids and making them eat garbage? Come on. Torment me then," said a bobcut-donning Weiss.

“Miss Schnee. It was just a jok-"

Slap.

“I just smacked you with a wad of Lien. It was just a joke.-" Weiss rebutted having pulled a stack of cash from her purse.

“you,” guy holding his face, “When my father hears an-"

Smack. Another stack of Lien hit the floor. A cracking of knuckles.

“It doesn't matter who comes now,” Weiss said as she brandished a pair of knuckledusters, “you're going to lick the floor clean, or I'm going to beat you until you're done.”

---

Part of the reason why the Schnee family doesn’t get messed with despite Weiss's antics is because Willow is a ticking time bomb for everyone. She's a good hacker and an even more protective mom. Someone tried to block Winter's advancement in the military unjustifiably, and Willow responded with releasing her blackmail material on that person, a small part that she's accumulated for years just being a drunk hacker – cause of the phenomenon of Ballmer Peak where a certain blood alcohol level confers superhuman programming skills where she so happened to sit in a majority of the time.

And Willow's like yeah all I care about is making money to support my family and my kids. If you mess with my kids, I don’t care if we both go to ruin. Momma Bear Schnee.

She also discovers the loophole in Atlasian security aka Watt's hack, so the whole system gets a revamp which gets important later with the CCT. Willow still drinks. But only at work. She's the only one allowed to do so cause she can’t program otherwise. “I don’t know how I finished the project. I blacked out and there it was." ????

------

lilac — 12/24/2020 7:06 PM

Yeeee. And also I just imagine someone high in the government going "come on girl what can you do to me." And Weiss releases a multi-continent album with every song dedicated to lambasting the guy and highlighting every bit of corruption and dark point in his career.

Needless to say, he doesn't stay in power xD

lilac — 12/24/2020 7:59 PM

-------

--------

The million lien question. 8) well, it's definitely gonna be Frostbyte first. Willow already works with Polendina in this AU, and Penny's creation and testing is completed earlier in canon. So Weiss'll get to interact with Penny a bit before Atlas and probably will be part of the same team eventually.

Penny doesn't quite get why everyone (mostly the affluent folk) seems to be scared of her friend. It's not like Weiss keeps wads of cash in her purse to smack people with, right? Also, Weiss acts pretty normal and nice when she isn't provoked. Even has a blog just dedicated to her finding dogs and petting them. The Schnee Mansion itself is practically a kennel. Momma Schnee is all whatever makes you happy. Whitley is also weak to dogs and is thinking about becoming a vet in the future given his proximity to them. Winter is allergic sadly but still all "who's an adorable cutie ah-choo!"

I digress.. anyway. So Penny's origins and high up connections aren't known. Per her papers, she only has Pietro as her father, and he's not immediately recognizable as someone special. So people insult her for both her lack of social standing and her quirkiness. Then someone makes the stupid mistake of doing it in front of Weiss.

Later the CCT tower has a couple new additions hogtied and spinning around by their waists on a rope. And they're all screaming "if you mess with Penny, you're messing with Weiss" while in tears. They do this because Weiss promised something far worse if they didn't.

Penny, having teen novel romances and fanfic as her cross-references, take it as a declaration of love. She ends up being the one who supports Weiss and also curbs her need to be and be seen as strong.

---

Headmaster's Office:

Ironwood, sighing as he sees Weiss: what did you do now?

Weiss, unrepentantly: I strung people up from the CCT tower again.

Ironwood: Weiss. The CCT tower is not your personal billboard. Not to mention that messing around with it can have consequences for everyone, even if you're not touching the tower when you climb up.

Weiss: …

Ironwood: …

Weiss: This conversation is going pretty differently compared to our usual ones.

Ironwood: How so?

Weiss: For one, you aren't yelling at me for beating up other people again.. I was getting worried that I ended up in some freaky alternate universe or something.

Ironwood, darkly amused: Would you actually listen if I told you to stop beating other people up?

Weiss pretends to ponder the question a bit before shaking her head.

Weiss: probably not.

Ironwood, rolling eyes: I figured. Besides I know why you did it, and though I can’t officially condone your actions, I can turn a blind eye.

Weiss: soo. If I don’t use the CCT as my billboard, can I hogtie people and hang them from other places?

Ironwood: …just go away already.

Weiss just laughs.

---

lilac — 12/24/2020 8:45 PM

"Please don't start anything in Vale. My dads told me to ask," Penny said with a soft giggle while giving Weiss a hug as they went on the plane.

"Anything else the Headmaster wanted to tell me?" Weiss asked, returning the hug.

"Don't mess with the ciivies. It's one thing to do it in Atlas since it's your home. Another to do it in another continent while being a Hunter,” Penny shrugged, “That's all.”

"Is there anything -you- want to tell me?” Weiss said playfully.

“I love you,” Penny replied with a smile.

“I-I-…” Weiss stuttered, a hint of pink of her cheeks. Every single time. And she still couldn’t say the words she wanted to say to her girlfriend. They just catch in her throat like they always did.

Penny pecked her on the cheek happily. “Don't worry. I know your feelings. See you in Vale!” she finished as she ran towards her designated plane with a wave.

"Ah. Penny! Uh bye!" Replied a flustered Weiss.

--

Streets of Vale during Vytal festival:

Some fancy, bright red car is driving beside her ugly rent-a-car at night. It's been cutting her off repeatedly after she had honked at them for doing it previously. A couple of other cars and a motorcycle were still on the road.

The red luxuxy car drove to her rental's side once more, the people within hollering and making lewd gestures and comments before cutting her off and forcing her to brake.

Continuing to ignore them after a dozen times of this, Weiss finally hears an interesting tidbit as they drove by her for the umpteenth time.

“We're all Hunters. -hic-. From Beacon. Got all that aura and stamina. How about a night Snow Angel?”

Hollers from the back of the car.

Hunters? Really now.

Weiss’s lips curved into the not-smile.

“She's smiling! What a sl-" Whatever the brown-haired guy was going to say trailed off as they sped past her again and hit their brakes.

She didn’t bother to hit hers this time.

Crash! Screech! Crunch! (edited)

[howlingday]

Ruby: TAKE... (Tosses metal disk) THIS!

Ironwood: (Blocks, Sees reflection, Gasps)

--------------------------------------------------

Ironwood: (Baby, In nursery)

Doctor: I'm sorry, Mr. Ironwood. We did everything we could.

Papa Ironwood: (Sobs)

--------------------------------------------------

Ironwood: (Child, Walking home)

Kids: Roses are red, violets are blue~!

Kids: Jimmy has a big head and he's a massive bellend~!

Ironwood: (Whimpers)

--------------------------------------------------

Ironwood: (Preteen, At the pool)

Ironwood: (Struggles to put on goggles)

Coach: Hurry up, Wood! That pool isn't going to pee in itself!

--------------------------------------------------

Ironwood: (Teen, At amusement park)

Ironwood: (Too tall for the ride)

Operator: Uh... Sorry, sir, but it's company policy.

--------------------------------------------------

Ironwood: (Young adult, At the movies)

Ironwood: (Getting pelted by popcorn)

Willow: Ignore them, Jimmy. I like your head~!

Ironwood: (Leans into her, Smiling)

--------------------------------------------------

Ironwood: (Adult, On the couch)

Willow: (In the doorway, Packed bag)

Willow: (Sniffles) I can't keep pretending like this anymore, James! IT'S JUST TOO BIG! (Slams door)

Ironwood: (Eyes well, Sighs)

--------------------------------------------------

It's just too big! Too big! It won't fit! Extra extra large, sir? Too big! This is a family restaurant! TOO BIG! TOO BIG! TOO BIG! TOO BIG!

--------------------------------------------------

Ironwood: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! (Collapses, Sobbing)

Port: Alright, James; what's wrong with you?

Ironwood: It's my head, Pete. It's just... too... big..

Port: Too big? Ho ho! You know me, Jimmy! There's no such thing as too big! In fact, I used to get made fun of for my head, too!

Ironwood: Really?

Port: Indeed! Everyone at Beacon called me "pillow head," and the students would call me "fat head"! But look at me now! I'm made big my business and I'm doing just fine! And I'd say you're doing just fine yourself! You're the headmaster AND the general in Atlas, and your darling Winter is doing well, too! She's your best fighter AND is the leading specialist now!

Ironwood: That's... That's true. She'll be up for promotion next cycle.

Port: Well, there you go! C'mon! Let's head down to the bar and fill our big heads 'til they're ten gallons~! HO HO HO HO~!

--------------------------------------------------

Qrow: That's some glass you've got there, Jim!

Ironwood: Heh... I know... It's almost as big as my head!

Ironwood/Port/Ozpin/Qrow/Oobleck/Tai:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Clover: It sure is fucking massive!

[rainbow-multishipper]

Do you have any ship trials for Sienna x Ironwood x Willow?

RWBY Ship Name Trails #148

Sienna Khan x James Ironwood x Willow Schnee is

Souls of Platinum

or

Iron Trees

(Hehe, I got to make a Kung Fu Panda 2 reference. Best movie of all time, don't at me.)

Thanks for the suggestion! Remember ask box is OPEN for Ship Summaries, Headcannon Requests and Ship Trials!