#the critic

[verypersonalscreencaps]

There are currently TWELVE official upcoming projects for Lesley! It's time for a little update!

FILMS:

THE CRITIC, a period thriller based on Anthony Quinn’s classic novel Curtain Call, with Ian McKellen and Gemma Arterton (out 13 September 2024)

COLD STORAGE, a virus thriller with Liam Neeson and Vanessa Redgrave (out June 2025)

QUEER, the Luca Guadagnino’s film adaptation of William S. Burrough’S novel, with Daniel Craig (date TBD)

MIDWINTER BREAK, the Polly Findlay’s debut feature, with Ciaran Hinds (date TBD)

MR BURTON, a biopic covering the early years of Richard Burton, with Toby Jones (date TBD)

WINTER OF THE CROW, a Cold War thriller (date TBD)

SERIES:

SHERWOOD S02 (BBC One, out 25 August 2024)

MOONFLOWER MURDERS, the sequel to MAGPIE MURDERS (PBS, out 15 September 2024)

GROTESQUERIE, the new Ryan Murphy horror series (FX, out 25 September 2024)

DISCLAIMER, the Alfonso Cuarón’s series, with Cate Blanchett (Apple TV+, out 11 October 2024)

CITADEL S02 (Prime Video, date TBD)

THEATRE:

OEDIPUS, a new adaptation created by Robert Icke after Sophocles, with Mark Strong (Wyndham’s Theatre, from 4 October 2024)

[benbarnesinfo]

The Critic behind the scenes

[pierppasolini]

The Critic - 1.13 - A Pig Boy and His Dog

[blutide-basslines]

Lineup w/ the whole crew!

Reposting so more people can see the additional characters.

[weirdmarioenemies]

The Critic's Arrival

It appears we've been visited by some sort of critic. We didn't order any critic! Are you a film critic? Food critic?

"The name's THE Critic- get it right! I ridicule, just out of spite! And now you've got me at your door, You've no idea what you're in for! For I'm The Critic, that's no ruse! I'm here to criticize all youse!"

Oh? You're here to criticize us...? I don't think I like whatever it is you're imply- oh, he's already invited himself in. Okay! So, Mr. The Critic, can I... get you something to drink, I guess? We certainly have a lot of water.

"That's all you offer? You're the worst! Good thing I've not much of a thirst! This living room... it's oh so drab. And are you serious? A CRAB? Your home decor is just no good. I'd burn this poster if I could! You must have all been in the dark, For not a soul likes Wonder Park!"

Come on... Boomer the Ride Tester is funny... right? Is there anything else we can do to make your stay more comfortable? And maybe make you more polite?

"I hope my message makes you cry: This home of yours is much too dry!"

Is that so? At least here in Wet-Dry World, that's easy to fix! I'll just activate this Crystal Tap and raise the water...

"This isn’t any better yet. The whole affair’s now far too wet!"

Oh... how about a more neutral level?

"The moisture level’s at its middle, But I’m afraid, too late too little! You just can't seem to be a winner! Now, with that done, let's have some dinner!"

Okay, I've been trying to be polite, but you can't just be mean to us and expect to receive a free meal for it! Spikey's only made enough potatoes au gratin for us mods!

"Oh, THAT'S the stench? It's just some gratin? I could have sworn something was rotten! I see you're near fed up with me, And knowing that fills me with glee!"

Why are you doing this, The Critic? Why us? What did we do to you?

"Well, here's what's written in my log: You lot all run a Tumblr blog! Where posts are foolish, simply silly, Goofy creatures willy-nilly! You don't need to be analytic To know you're talking to The Critic. It's how I live, it's what I do. I've come here to criticize YOU!"

Hey. Words really hurt, you know that, The Critic? But no matter what you say, you can't break our spirits! We'll post what we want no matter what you say!

"Now comes the part I love the most... rescinding your license to post!"

OUR POSTING LICENSE?! The only thing that legally allows us to post about funny pretend creatures online... you're a monster! Unhand that license this instant!

"Ha ha! Hee hee! It's too much fun! And with that, I'll be on the run! Your permit's all I need to rob. I hope you've got a backup job!"

He's gone. That utter fiend... without our posting license, we're nothing. He's right. We'll need a new job. After all this time, we'll need to return to where it all began, where all of us met for the first time, and where we all worked before starting this blog, but it was never relevant so we never mentioned it...

...the TROUT HATCHERY! See you there...

[thenhc]

The New Yorker, February 28, 1994, artwork by Michael Kupperman

[k-wame]

sir ian mckellen snogging alfie enoch's face off in 1930s london gods why have thoust forsaken me!

[mistertism]

is this the "cool war" i keep hearing about

[movfie]

Alfred Enoch and Ben Barnes behind the scenes of The Critic 🎭

Now playing in theaters everywhere

[romancemedia]

Adult Animated TV Shows

[sephirayne]

Jason Isaacs at The Critic film premiere in London.

Photographer - Rob Takoda Photography.

https://www.instagram.com/robtakodaofficial

[verypersonalscreencaps]

LESLEY MANVILLE as Annabel Land THE CRITIC (2024, dir. Anand Tucker)

In cinemas on the 13th of September, 2024

[howlingday]

Seuqcaj

What if Jacques Schnee was... Well, what if he wasn't Jacques Schnee?

Winter: My father had a stroke years ago.

Willow: He didn't really. Weiss just says he did to excuse his behavior.

Jacques: Did you know that the peanut is neither a pea, nor a nut?

Ironwood: ...So, I understand you were once a huntress?

Jacques: Oh, wait... It is a nut.

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Lisa: I hear you can you say your name backwards. Is that true?

Jacques: Seuqcaj!

Lisa: And what is your favorite food in the whole wide world?

Jacques: Seuqcaj!

Lisa: ...

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Weiss: Mother! Have you seen Whitley?! I think I lost him!

Willow: When was the last time you saw him?

Weiss: Last night, when I took him on his first date.

Jacques: I remember my first date~!

Jacques: Your mother never looked lovelier~.

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Willow: Well, I think Whitley looks dashing, and if you won't go to the gala with him, then I will~!

Jacques: What about me?

Willow: I was going to give you some rubber bands to play with, but if you insist, you can come.

Jacques: Oh... I could have had rubber bands...

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Willow: Thank you all for coming tonight. Now, we all know why we're here tonight, don't we?

Jacques: To see those keeno nitro rockets! Vroom, vroom~!

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Winter: I'm at a loss... I don't know if there is a way to fix Penny.

Willow: Your father is working on an experiment of his own. Perhaps you two can collaborate?

Winter: (Walks into Jacques' study w/ Willow, Sees convoluted contraptions at work)

Jacques: (Looking through a microscope)

Winter: And what is the... purpose of this experiment?

Jacques: I'm developing the world's very first fish-powered death ray! It'll make Roman Torchwick's version look like a joke~!

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Jacques: (Standing next to a snow-woman) Winter, your man troubles are over because I found you the perfect mate~!

Jacques: His name is Ken and he lives in Malibu. He has a girlfriend named Barbie, but she's not much of a lady. More plastic than person, if you know what I mean.

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Weiss: Father, I'm in love with two people, and I don't know who to choose between them.

Jacques: Oh, that is a tough one. I had gone through similar travails when I was with your mother.

Maybe in the past?

Jacques: (After beating a man senseless) I punch like comet, then drink 'til I vomit, I'm Jackie the Sailor Man~! (TOOT! TOOT!) Agh agh agh agh agh!

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Willow: Weiss! Jaune! I'm so glad you could make it!

Jaune: It's wonderful to see two people together after thirty years.

Jacques: (Stabs Jaune with a fork)

Jaune: OW!

Jacques: Oh! He is real~!

Weiss: ...Ugh, not one of his better days.

Willow: I'm afraid it is. I just don't know what to do; our marriage has never been this shaken and Jacques just isn't the man he used to be.

Jacques: (From the very top of a high pillar, Dressed up as) NANANANA! BATMAN~! (Swings down, Choking out a server) BATMAN~!

Klein: (Sighs) Very good, sir.

Clerk: ON STRIKE!

Jacques: Excuse me, my good man, but I could put you through with a man who can help. A man named... Batman..

Clerk: Er, that won't be necessary, sir.

Jacques: Oh, yes, it will! (Chops in the neck) BATMAN~!

Willow: (Sighs) Not every bullhead is on strike, are they?

Jacques: (Looks around, Sees Icarus Flights)

On said flight...

Jaune: I guess I could help, but I'll need a babysitter for Adrian.

Willow: This- This flight is dreadfully bumpy!

Jacques: I'll go have a word with the captain. (Enters Captain's cabin, Gasps) A pig?! (Grabs Six Swans bottle) And he's been drinking!

Pilot: (Pig Faunus, Burps)

Jacques: Wait a second... Pigs can't fly... PIGS CAN'T FLY! (Bullhead nosedives)

In the middle of the ocean...

Willow: (Reaching for an oar)

Pilot: (Grunts unintelligibly)

Jacques: I don't care how many stewards and stewardesses you bagged; you're still a lousy pilot!

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Weiss: Not to worry. I know just the man for the job; my father!

Later...

Adrian: (In a car seat, Giggling as he bounce) I love monster truck show~!

Jacques: (Driving monster truck) Hm? What show? (Continues crushing cars in the street)

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Weiss: Father, are you sure you're up for this?

Jacques: Weiss, it's only headmaster. Could I do any worse than Ozpin, or Ironwood, or Lionheart, who sold out his huntsman to Tyrian Callows for protection from Salem?

Whitley: Hm... Maybe he is cut out for this.

Jacques: Of course I am! (Pulls on face mask) Now let's rob that bank!

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Lisa: Our candidates are entering the stage now. Atlas Headmaster James Ironwood, Happy Huntress Robyn Hill, and former Councilman of Mantle Jacques Schnee. Councilman Schnee, an opening statement?

Jacques: As the first Faunus female head of the human supremacy group, I'd just like to say Atlas SUCKS!

Adam: This might actually hurt us more than it helps us.

Lisa: And Councilman Schnee, what would you do in the event of a Grimm invasion?

Jacques: (Cooking at podium, High-pitched) Then, you sprinkle your chicken liberally with old spice~!

Willow: Oh, Jacques, what can we do to save our darling son?!

Jacques: Not to worry, Willow, my darling wife. I have friends in high places who can help us!

At Atlas HQ...

Ironwood: Jacques. Always a pleasure.

Jacques: General Ironwood, my son is being held hostage in Menagerie, and I need you to save him. I've funded Atlas Academy for years, and I've never once asked for anything in return!

Ironwood: You asked to be made councilman of balloon doggies.

Jacques: I never asked to be made councilman of balloon doggies, the balloon doggies demanded it of me!

Jacques: (Holds up balloon doggy) Isn't that right?

Jacques: (Falsetto) "No!"

Jacques: Quiet, you!

Ironwood: Oh, Brothers...

[pierppasolini]

The Critic - 1.10 - Dr. Jay

[hollywood-fashion]

Gemma Arterton in Stella McCartney at the Toronto Film Festival premiere for The Critic on September 11, 2023.