#Williamson Health
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jobkash · 3 months ago
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DIGITAL MARKETING SPECIALIST (BONE & JOINT INSTITUTE)
SummaryLocated in Franklin, Tennessee, Williamson Health is one of the South’s most exceptional health care systems with a 203 bed hospital (Williamson Medical Center), over 80 providers at both Bone and Joint Institute and Williamson Health Medical Group locations. Monroe Carell Junior Children’s Hospital Vanderbilt at Williamson Medical Center and Williamson Health offers comprehensive…
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samkerrworshipper · 1 year ago
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let me love you | Leah Williamson x Reader
a lot of angst, ending in fluff, themes of eating disorders, depression and alcohol abuse, 5900 words
please keep sending request yall i need something to feed my brainnn
i’m stuck on a blurb for this so basically just what happens after a rough moment in r and leah’s relationship, can they fix it? can they learn to love each other again? the photo i’ve used says it all lol
it’s piecy and i think u can see my sleep deprivation in this one but hope you enjoy!
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I’d known going into camp that I was in trouble. That as soon as the team doctor did our pre camp exam that I was going to be fucked. With the extensive weight loss I knew that it was only a matter of time before I was approached but I hadn’t expected it to be the first night.
I’d been lying in my bed, in my room by myself. I was rooming with Keira this camp, but luckily enough she spent most of her time in Lucy or Leah’s room so I didn’t see much of her. I’d had the tv playing in the background, to fill the room with something other than the sound of my breathing and the sound of me scrolling through my phone. Then my little bubble, my perfect barrier that I’d created was broken by the resounding noise of someone knocking at my door.
“Y/n, it’s me.”
Sarina. Fuck.
“It’s open.”
It was probably the polite thing to get up and open the door but I was comfortable in my bed and while Sarina was terrifying I couldn’t see her getting mad at me over something so minor. The door cracked open and I switched the tv off out of respect for the manager who had closed my hotel room door behind her. Her face was unsteady, like she was unsure how to approach the conversation, something that I’d never seen on her.
“You missed dinner.”
“I feel asleep, the jetlag has tossed me around a little bit. I didn’t even realise until I woke up twenty minutes ago.”
It wasn’t a lie, I had travelled an obscene amount in the past twenty four hours. I’d flown from Cabo to New York, then spent 20 hours in New York with Kristie and some of the Gotham girls before getting on a plane to take me to Barcelona, where I’d spent a very short eight hours with Keira and Lucy before we got on a plane to London to bring us to camp. It had been hectic to say the least and had resulted in one of my suitcases being lost and me being in a very lengthy back and forth discussion with British Airways about how my luggage had ended up in Austria and that no, I didn’t have the time to go to Austria to retrieve it.
“I think we need to have a talk.”
Sarina’s foot was tapping nervously at her side, it was her tell, she was about to have a hard conversation that was not going to be easy to go over.
“Okay.”
She nodded at me.
“Meeting room 2, five minutes?”
I gulped, fuck, a meeting room. It had gone from informal to a little bit to formal for my liking. I nodded regardless, too scared to reply in any other way.
“Yes Ma’am.”
As soon as Sarina had left my room I was throwing myself out of the bed to throw on some proper clothes and make myself look a little bit more presentable. I threw on my light blue tech fleece and puffer jacket that we all had and then very haphazardly threw my hair into a greasy high pony. I pushed some mascara through my eyelashes and some moisturiser on my skin before coming to the conclusion that no amount of makeup was going to be able to disguise the purple bags under my eyes. Once I was done making myself look a little bit less dead I picked up my phone and keycard from my bedside table and left the room, making my way down the hallway towards the meeting rooms.
The meeting rooms had a multitude of purposes, zoom calls, skypes, video review, contract signing. Business stuff mainly, not a talk with your coach. That was what had me trembling a little bit as I made my way closer to the meeting rooms. When I got to the door of the second one, the one I’d been told to go to I waited outside of it for a few seconds before lifting my fist and knocking twice on the door. I didn’t have to wait long for a reply, Sarina was at the door opening it for me in a matter of seconds. I stepped into the room quickly, my eyes recognising all the faces in the room.
I was directed to a seat at the table, sitting directly across from Sarina, Leah, Millie and our team doctor. Lucy and Keira were seated on either side of me and the whole vibe of the room was enough to tell me that I was royally fucked.
“We are all here to have an open conversation about your recent medical exam.”
I kept my eyes on my own hands, which were resting on the table, playing with the rings that adorned my hands. I couldn’t look up, couldn’t bear to look into the eyes of a woman who a few weeks ago I had loved so intensely and now couldn’t even think about without crying.
“You're here to tell me that I’ve dropped a dangerous amount of weight considering my normal weight class, that I should get some further tests done even though we know that there is nothing medically wrong with me. We’ll beat around the bush a little bit, try to ignore the fact that we all know that you can’t allow me to play when I’ve dropped this much weight and then you’ll send me home.”
Sarina’s jaw was set firmly, I could make out that much as my eyes darted up to the older woman quickly to catch a look at her facial expression.
“Do you want to die Ms y/l/n.”
I was taken aback massively by the question, because who asks a person that question, especially in this context.
“I don’t feel comfortable having this conversation with certain people in the room. I don’t want to die necessarily but living right now isn’t exactly ideal either. I’ve had a rough couple of weeks, I’ll admit that, I’m aware. I’ve neglected my body, prioritised other things. I knew walking in here that I’d dropped 2 stone and I wasn’t proud of it. I just went through an intense break up though, I’ve been in Cabo for three weeks, most of which I don’t remember. I know that it’s bad, I know that as an athlete we have expectations but I need some wiggle room, I need you to give me a shot to make this better. Because I honestly believe that in this environment I can fix it, I’ll get the weight back, I’ll get back into therapy or whatever. I’ll give up the bad habits, I just need a period of grace.”
I couldn’t look at Leah, couldn’t let myself out of fear that my brave face would fall and I’d be left in shambles sitting here. I just needed to convince Sarina that I could get my shit together.
She was in front of my brooding for a few minutes, leaving everyone in the room in an awkward silence.
“Everyone out besides Leah and you.”
Fuck.
I watched as everyone else slowly got up, Lucy giving me a reassuring pat on the back before exiting the room.
“I’m giving you both five minutes to explain what the fuck happened between you two, because as much as you both want to make it sound like nothing it isn’t. Everyone can feel it and obviously it's affecting the both of you.”
I still couldn’t look at her, it just hurt.
“Seems like I’m the only one who’s suffering.”
“That’s not true nor fair y/n. Leah’s having her own struggles.”
I snorted and rolled my eyes at the table.
“She’s the one who caused the problems in the first place so I’d call that karma.”
The tension in the room was thick, like a cloud laid over us.
“That’s not fair, you had a part in it as well.”
“I had a part in you kissing Jordan at a party?”
“Jordan kissed me first off, drunkenly, she apologised profusely to both of us when she was sober. You soberly made the decision to kiss fucking Alexia.”
If the tension could have thickened anymore, it did.
“You cheated on me with your ex, I think I can cheat on you with my ex situation.”
“Do you realised how fucked up that whole ideology is? I didn’t want to cheat on you, anyone who was there that night will tell you that I physically pushed Jordan off of me, I didn’t want it to happen. I know it hurts you, but you wouldn’t even hear me out, you didn’t answer my calls or texts. I didn’t know where you went, just heard from Lucy that you’d decided to go abroad for a few weeks and you were turning your phone off. I spent 3 days sitting in Keira’s apartment balling my eyes out because I missed you so much, I haven’t slept properly ever since, I can’t fucking live without you y/n/n.”
Leah was sobbing and it hurt a part of me that I didn’t know existed. I wanted to hug her, wipe the tears from her face and apologise for my stupidity, to make it all better. But I was stubborn as shit and I also hadn’t really forgiven Leah. I hadn’t forgiven myself either.
That night had been the worst one of my life. Seeing Leah making out with Jordan had broken my heart and before I knew it I’d been running out of the bar we’d been celebrating in and calling Ale because she was my person and then she was picking me up and taking me back to my apartment and she was comforting me on our sofa and then we were kissing and Leah was walking in, mascara smeared and tears down her face and then Ale was running out of the apartment. I ended up waiting for Leah to fall asleep before I’d fled. I’d been terrified, my fear response was flight, when I was scared I fled, so that was what I’d done on that godforsaken night.
“I don’t really give a shit who did what. You both fucked up, that’s evident. We have the olympic coming up, Leah you are coming off of an ACL injury and you are going to be our captain, y/n, we need you on top of your game for us to win. I won’t deal with this team being torn into shreds because the both of you are too stubborn to talk about your feelings. Am I understood?”
Both Leah and I nodded meekly at Sarina, the both of us equally terrified of the dutchwoman and the tone of voice she was using towards us, like we were six year olds.
“Y/n, I’ll give you a grace period, two weeks. You’ve got two weeks to show that you can make some improvement in your habits, but there will be conditions if you wish to continue training and playing during those two weeks. You will eat every single meal, with the rest of the team. You aren’t going to work out beyond our team scheduled gym sessions. You will go back to talking to a therapist on a weekly basis. You are going to socialise with your teammates instead of holding yourself up in your room by yourself. You and Leah will room together until you can prove to me that you can be civil. If any of these conditions are broken you will find yourself sidelined, am I understood?”
“Yes Ma’am.”
Sarina nodded at me, her blue eyes staring intensely into my own, I was trying to get away from this situation, away from the confrontation that was only bound to get worse the longer Leah and I were stuck in a room together.
“You are free to go, I expect to see you at breakfast tomorrow morning.”
I’d given Sarina a quick nod before bolting out of my seat and straight out of the room. I was pretty sure I’d had the worst 96 hours of my life. My whole body felt like it was on fire, my hair and face were still greasy from all of the airplane travel and my eyes just hurt. I half jogged my way back to my room, slamming and locking the door behind me almost as soon as I’d closed the door behind me. I slowly slid down against the solid wood, this whole situation was so fucked.
Not only did I have to focus on being fucking civil with a woman who I hated, I had to fucking turn my whole life around in a matter of two weeks, which right now seemed pretty fucking impossible. I wasn’t a person who cried very often, I wasn’t in touch with my emotions like that. But right now, fat, warm, wet tears were dripping down my face and my lip was wobbling between my two front teeth trying to suppress the sobs that were coming up from my throat. Love hurt. Loving someone and being loved is one of the hardest things that I’d ever done, because it’s not easy to spend every day loving a person, it fulfilling but it also is so fucking painful.
I could hardly make up the energy to get off the floor, so I didn’t. I sat against the door, crying, shaking and trembling as I let out the feelings that I’d built up for the last month. I was a person who didn’t cry very often, when I was drunk, when someone died, when I was really hurt. That was the extent of my emotional release. Leah was similar, that’s why we’d hit it off, neither of us were over emotional, we didn’t read into things and we didn’t over complicate anything. At the end of the day neither of us had to worry about the other one getting offended by a joke or drunken words. I’d honestly believed we were soulmates, for a long time, but that night had wrecked it all.
Both of us had been stupid, it had been the celebratory night of our win in the Nations League, we’d beaten Spain, it was a big deal. Everyone was completely wasted and I didn’t remember much of the night until Leah had been on the dance floor with Jordan, Chloe, Millie, Rachel and some other teammates and one moment Leah is motioning for me to join me and the next Jordan is making out with her and I’m running out with Lucy following me. Then Lucy called Ale because I’d locked myself in our hotel room ensuite. Then Ale was there and she was comforting me and hugging me and I was pissed off at Leah and then I was kissing Ale and she was telling me no and the Leah walked in to comfort me and it was just a fucking mess of alcohol and emotions.
Just thinking about that night had hurt, I hadn’t let myself in the last month. Not when I’d been in Cabo drinking all day and night, clubbing and partying and spending all of my spare time trying to push my emotions away. Then I’d gotten the call from Sarina, I’d been expecting it but it had still shocked me for some reason. In a matter of 24 hours I’d been packing up all my shit and hopping on a plane back to the one place that I couldn’t have been more desperate to avoid. I’d contemplated turning down the call up, but a call from my agent had told me that I couldn’t expect an invite back if I turned one down now. The Olympics was a big deal as well, it was something that I did want to do but the overwhelming anxiety I had felt being faced with the reality that I was walking into a group of people that worshipped the ground that my ex girlfriend walked on.
My thought pattern was interrupted by the sound of knocking directly above my head. The sound pulsated against the wood and across my body, seeping deep into my bones. It was a resounding knock, loud, echoing across the room.
“Y/n, open up.”
It was the voice that I least wanted to hear at that moment and I tried my hardest to ignore it but the sound of the knocking repeating made it harder.
“Y/n/n, c’mon, open the door, I know you're in there.”
It was the nickname that only she called me, a nickname I hadn’t heard in a month and it hurt my soul hearing it. It made fresher tears fall from my eyes that I rubbed at furiously with the sleeve of my jumper. I wiped as much of the smudged mascara and tears from my face, I knew subconsciously that my eyes were red and puffy and Leah would one hundred percent be able to tell. For my dignity though I rubbed it all from my face before standing up and opened the door.
Before I could say anything Leah had slipped past me and into the room, making herself at home and sitting down on Keira’s bed, resting herself at the very top so she was leaning against the headboard. I pushed down any thoughts that I had about Leah being in the same position in our own bed, except with a lot less clothes covering her body.
“You’ve been crying.”
It wasn’t a question, a statement, but it held a question in it somewhere. Leah wasn’t used to me crying, so the fact that I was crying was probably a little bit of a shock to her.
“What do you want?”
Leah pouted at me, sarcastically, it pissed me off how confident she was when I felt like I was tearing at the seams.
“In case you didn’t remember, we’re roomies now. I wanted to talk, I think we both have stuff we need to get off of our chests. I love you y/n/n and I’m worried about you.”
“Go worry about Jordan.”
I was leaning against the dresser, trying my hardest to keep my shit together in front of the woman that was making me feel so many things that I had been denying myself for a month.
“That’s fair, but also not necessary. I didn’t kiss her y/n, I didn’t even get as close as a metre’s distance from her, anyone there could tell you that. I pushed her off me. So yes, she kissed me, without my consent or my desire for her to do so. I love you, not her. I promise you that. She means nothing to me beyond being my friend, I don’t love her.”
I didn’t really know what to say. Leah wasn’t really the root of my anger, because I knew that it had been Jordan all over Leah, and at the end of the day she’d come to my room that night to apologise instead of going back to Jordan’s, I was her priority.
“She loves you, and I can’t do anything about that. That hurts and I know that it shouldn’t, I have no right to be jealous but it hurts.”
Leah looked contemplatively at me, like she was trying to understand what I was saying but knew that she couldn’t really.
“Do you love Alexia?”
I gulped, that was a fucked up question that I didn’t have a answer for. My immediate silence gave enough context to that.
“That’s not a fair question.”
I was deflecting and also furiously toying with a loose thread on the edge of my jumper.
“I think I deserve to know if the woman I love loves me the same way.”
It was hard hearing those words come out of her mouth as well.
“I would be lying if I said I didn’t love her. I dated her for six years, I thought I was going to marry her. I don’t love her like I loved you. We broke up because we couldn’t love each other that way. It was a surface relationship, but we both knew at the end of the day that we couldn’t get married or have kids or get old together, we didn’t love each other like that. We didn’t have a messy break up, I didn’t have a phase where I hated her and I wanted nothing more than to be away from her. We just stopped physically loving each other. She’s still my person Leah, you know that. I regret kissing her, I was so drunk and I was so fucking upset and she was so familiar to me in that moment. So maybe I do love her, in some fucked up way, but I don’t love her long term. She’s not the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life loving, not the person that I want to wake up next to, not the person that I want to write vows for, not the person that I want to be with every minute of every day. I don’t yearn for her.”
I realised now that there were tears in Leah’s eyes, which shocked me a little. Leah never cried, I could count the amount of times I’d seen her properly sob on one hand. Four times. When we won the Euros, when she did her ACL, when she woke up from ACL surgery and that night when it had all happened. Apart from that she was a brick wall, she wore a facade everyday, that very little people got to see broken down. I considered myself very grateful to have been able to see past it, to see the side of Leah that not a lot did. She’d let a stray tear go every once in a while, but proper crying, proper emotional, vulnerable crying was very rare to see.
“Do you love me long term?”
“Leah, that's not a fair question either.”
Tears were running down Leah’s face, similar to the tears that had been falling down my face less than five minutes ago.
“It's not fair? I’ve been here for the last month y/n, wondering if we still stand a chance. Wondering if you still love me, wondering if I should wait around for you? I want to know if you still love me as much as I love you.”
I could feel more tears coming to my eyes, Leah was sitting not even three metres away from me and yet it felt like we were oceans apart.
“I don’t know. Does it really matter?”
Leah was wiping at her face, she detested vulnerability and it was clear in her actions.
“Does it matter? Y/n/n, I am trying to figure out if I am going to spend the rest of my life fucking mourning losing the love of my life. I want to know if I stand a chance, if there is something here that we can salvage, something here that we can try and fix. I will spend everyday making it up to you if I have to, anything you need us to do I am down to do it.”
I shifted from toe to toe in my spot standing, Leah’s words were so genuine, they had so much power over me, sent shivers down my whole body.
“I love you. I love you enough though to tell you that I’m a fucking wreck, some of it’s because of this, some of it is just me. Leah I’m trying to fucking sort myself out now and I love you but I’m not going to tell you that your my priority right now, I love you but I also am trying to learn how to love myself and I’m also trying to learn how to love my sport again.”
Leah pursed her lips, wiping the last of her emotional admission tears from her face. She looked so raw, her blonde hair was thrown up in a messy high bun, an unusual look for her, her face was stripped bare of any makeup and her jumper looked a tad bit too big on her. She looked stripped, stripped of her dignity, stripped of her facade, stripped of everything that made her Leah motherfucking Williamson. I wasn’t looking at England’s captain, I wasn’t looking at Arsenal and England’s world class defenders. I was looking at just Leah. The Leah who would wake me up with forehead kisses every morning, the Leah who would give me foot massages after a rough training, the Leah who would only look at me in a room full of people.
“I’ve worried about you so much that I started to get scared I was praying. You took off and I didn’t know with who or where. I mean I know that I fucked up but y/n/n, we could have talked it out, or we could have tried to. You fled and you didn’t even give me a goodbye. I didn’t know if we were done or if I was ever going to see you again and it fucking broke me. I stayed in bed for a week, I didn’t eat, I didn’t leave. Keira and Lucy literally had to drag me out of bed to get me to do anything. I cried, non stop for a week, it was horrible and I felt like shit. Then Lucy got Alexia to come over and we talked it out and she told me that she didn’t mean for it to happen and all she wanted was for us to be happy and it broke me because how am I supposed to be happy when the woman I love is nowhere to be seen.”
A sob echoed from her chest and it broke my heart, because I hated seeing Leah in pain, I hated seeing her hurt. When she’d done her ACL it had been the most gut wrenching thing I’d had to witness. The only difference was that now I was the source of pain and it hurt ten times more.
I pushed myself off of the dresser and towards the bed. Leah’s head was buried in her hands, her elbows resting on her knees as her palms rubbed furiously at her eyes. I sat down onto the bed and pushed myself up against the headboard beside her, putting one of my arms down on her shoulders and gently nudging her head into my neck. It was uncharted territory but also felt so familiar and right. Hearing Leah’s sobs hurt my soul, but my contact seemed to calm her a little bit. She flinched away initially, unsure but then she was seeking it out, leaving into me and everything about it felt right.
“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry for what happened with Jordan, I’m sorry if I didn’t make you feel loved, I’m sorry if I didn’t treat you well enough, I’m sorry if I’m not good enough. I’m trying to work on it, I’m trying to be better,” I stopped Leah before she could say much more.
“It’s not your fault Leah,” My voice came out with exasperation, because I hated that Leah felt that way,
“You made me feel loved everyday, you treated me perfectly. You are perfect Leah, you were a perfect girlfriend, a perfect captain, a perfect person. We had our moments but you are a good person, you don’t need to be better. I’m the one who can’t fucking handle herself, who had to flee the country when it got rough and I’m sorry for that, I’m sorry that I ran when it got hard.”
Hearing Leah hiccup on her breath was so painful for me, painful enough that I reached my hand down to her face to try and wipe some of the tears off of her cheeks.
“C’mon, you're too pretty to be crying.”
It was a weak compliment that died with the mood of the room, Leah let out a depressing laugh that honestly just made it all worse but her sobs did quieten down a little bit and I noticed that the tremors that were haunting her whole body had slowed down and had become less of a repetitive pattern.
“You haven’t been eating, you lost two stones, did I do that to you?”
Leah’s voice was so shaky, so insanely innate for her.
“Me not eating has nothing to do with you and I won’t have you taking the blame for it. Not everything is your fault Leah and you don’t have to take the blame for it all. I know how your brain works, that you are going to take the blame for everything that has happened between us, but it’s not your fault, a lot of it is mine, my eating habits though have nothing to do with you.”
My voice was a mixture of steady and stern, I had a point to get across and I needed Leah to understand that, I needed her to know that. She wasn’t as fearless and brave as she constantly tried to prove to anyone, she was always the first to blame herself for anything, always getting down on herself and I knew that, I knew that Leah could send herself into a downward spiral.
She pulled her head out of my shoulder and locked eyes with me, her dark brown eyes felt like they were violating me, I felt like I was naked under her gaze, like I was so incredibly vulnerable.
“Why haven’t you been eating?”
I felt like I was under a magnifying glass, like Leah could see every single part of me and could see into my brain. She always worried about me, always. To the point where sometimes it was concerning, I had as much as a sniffle and she was doting over me like my mother.
“I’m fine Lee.”
“If you were fine you wouldn’t have lost two stones.”
She could read me too easily and she knew that I was pretty much putty in her hands as soon as she started talking.
“It got dark for me when I left, I needed to leave but then I was gone and I realised that I was so alone and I was partying to try and avoid my feelings and it worked but you know how I am when I’m depressed, I stop eating, I stop functioning. I lived off of alcohol for three weeks and then I got the call from Sarina and for the first time in three weeks I was completely sober and it hit me like a freight train. I realised how bad it had gotten and I was in shambles.”
Leah nodded at me, she knew how I worked, knew that when I was starting to spiral I tended to push it all down until it got so bad that I had a nervous breakdown.
“You need to eat, we need you playing, I need you on the field. It broke my heart when Sarina came and told me, when she asked me if I’d seen any of the warning signs or if I’d noticed and I couldn’t give her an answer.”
I brought my hand back up to rest on Leah’s face, she was still shaking, still hiccuping with every word that she said. I pushed the tears that were pooling on her face away with the pad of my thumb.
“I couldn’t even tell her anything.”
Leah’s words were thrown out between choken sobs and hiccups, it was so strung out and painful that I felt it in my chest.
“I’m sorry that you had to go through that, I’m sorry I deserted you. I’m so sorry I hurt you Lee, you deserve better, you deserve someone who has their shit together.”
Leah pulled herself out from beside me and scooted herself so she was sitting in front of me, between my legs looking at me directly.
“I want you though, I want to love you and I want you to let me.”
I couldn’t do much more than look at her, look at her eyes, look at how heartbroken they were. They were full of so much pain, so many sleepless nights and a part of me wanted to fix some of that.
“Let us be happy, let all of this devastation come to an end and just let us be happy. We’ll work through what happened, we can try therapy, or something else. I want you though y/n/n, I want you forever and I don’t want us to give up on that because of some stupid shit that happened when we were drunk.”
Those fucking eyes, they held the sun and the moon, they had the power to make me do anything.
“I want to try, for us. I still think that you are my forever Leah. I just don’t want either of us to get hurt in the process.”
“Love hurts, we work through it. Please just try it for me.”
Her lip was wobbling in between her teeth and it took every single piece of self control I had to not take that lip in my own and just kiss the woman like I wanted to.
“Okay.”
Leah’s face lit up almost immediately, like a kid in a candy store. She leant in towards me, her lips hovering centimetres away from my own and her eyes looking into my own and it took literally every piece of my self control not to initiate anything.
“Is this okay?”
Leah’s voice was calmer this time, less rough on the edges, less broken. I nodded eagerly at her and relaxed into her body as she pressed her lips to mine. It was soft, tender, relaxing, so perfect.
“How about this?”
It was murmured against my lips, a small smirk forming along Leah’s lips.
“So good, but I think we are both overdue for some sleep.”
Leah frowned against my lips but nodded, we were both tired and it was obvious in our actions. She plopped herself down next to me, relaxing into my body and laying her head against my chest.
“Flick the lamp of love.”
The term of endearment sent a shiver down my back, it was so normal and yet so shocking to me. I obeyed her immediately, turning over to the bedside lamp and flicking it off so we were left in the dark. I shrugged my jacket off before relaxing down into the pillow. Leah shifted around for a few seconds, finding a comfortable spot on my body before stilling herself. She looked so small curled up against me, I tugged her hair out of its bun and rubbed her roots just the way I knew she liked me too and rubbed her back the way I knew sent her straight to sleep. It probably took not even a minute before Leah’s body relaxed fully and her breaths evened out and when they did I smiled a little bit looking at her exhausted form. I leant down and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before relaxing myself fully against the pillows and preparing myself for my own sleep.
“I love you Leah, always.”
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chrlvctius · 1 year ago
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these two 😫😫 💥💳💥💳💥💳
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daniswoso · 9 months ago
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“Would that be so bad?”
Leah Williamson x Reader
Warnings: SELF HARM, mentioned and no one physically does it in the fic but it’s alluded to. Suicidal thoughts, HEAVY on the angst. Please don’t read if you are struggling, and read at your own risk and pace. Thank you.
Summary: What if you want something bad to happen?
*********
You were in bed. Asleep. Your back to the woman you love.
Meanwhile Leah was wide awake, adjusting herself every 3 seconds, but never being able to take her eyes off the back of your head.
The thing was, you had just faced a life altering (maybe even career changing, but Leah didn’t want to think about that right now) injury.
Your 2 ACL tear in 2 seasons. You recovered from your last one quicker than most, spending 289 days on the sidelines recovering as opposed to the typical 300 odd. Then you tore it again not even 3 weeks later in a match against Tottenham.
Ashleigh Neville went in for an ,admittedly awful, tackle which caused you to go down. You heard the pop, felt the same throb, felt the lump in your throat and the tears stream down your cheeks.
You knew you’d done it.
And Leah knew too, it seemed. Because she came storming down to Tottenham’s half with a look that rivalled the aggression of Roy Keane in his prime, fully prepared to rip both the ref and Neville a new one.
But when she saw you, crumpled on the floor looking utterly defeated she stopped short.
All she could think about was how much this was going to affect you mentally again, just like last time.
Because last time you isolated yourself. You stayed locked in your’s and Leah’s room, only going out for physio or doctor’s appointments, to have a quick wash, a single slice of toast; then the cycle repeated.
Lock yourself away.
Shower and go to physio.
Come back.
Eat one tiny thing.
Lock yourself away.
Repeat.
It was a dangerous cycle, Leah knew that as she was the one looking after you. But some days she felt like she’d failed, some days she’d find both new and faded cuts on your wrist and thighs that knocked her sick.
And this time was no different.
Leah had come to bed. You had been there all day. Leah had done her nightly routine, you had not. You’d been in bed all fucking day.
And Leah felt useless.
So at 3:29 AM, she shook you awake, sick of not knowing what was going on in your head.
“Babe..” You murmured, shaking her hands off you.
“Y/N please, just wake the fuck up.” The urgency in Leah’s voice and the crack in her tone caused you to shoot up.
“Love? Are you okay? What’s happening?” Questions came spewing out of your mouth at a million miles per hour, fearing for the worst.
Leah put a hand on your forearm to relax you and you try to ignore the slight sting of the fabric pressing against the lines on your arm, “I’m worried about you.” She admits.
And your heart stops, slowing down. Your eyes feel like they’re about to pop out of your skull.
“Please, please just talk to me, what’s going on?” Her voice was urgent.
“Nothing.” Your reply was calm, short.
“Y/N…” Leah sighs, switching on the lights. “If you don’t talk to me, something bad’s going to happen! I’m scared! Okay? I’m fucking scared what you’ll do to yourself!” She shouts, desperate to not cry.
“What if I want something bad to happen?!” You snap, your voice dry and your words loud.
Leah stops. You stop.
“Y/N… Are- Do you… Are you going to kill yourself?” Leah murmurs the words as if the mere thought of them makes you sick.
“I… No. I’m not going to, and- and I don’t want to kill myself… I just wouldn’t be sad if I did die soon.” You admit shakily, tears streaming and your breath coming in short shaky gasps.
“Oh… Oh baby.” Leah sobs, bringing you into a hug. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She mumbles into your hair as your tears wet her shoulder.
“I didn’t want to worry you.”
She tries to hold back a sob, kissing the top of your head, “You worry me more by locking yourself away.” She mumbles.
“Please just promise me you’ll talk to me. We can get better together.”
��Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah.”
You were tired of feeling like you had the world on your shoulders, tired of feeling like you were deadlifting 600lbs by yourself. But you were so grateful Leah was there now.
***********
A/N: lowk hate the ending, but enjoy anyway!
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justinspoliticalcorner · 3 months ago
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Eleanor Klibanoff at Texas Tribune:
Two women have filed federal complaints against Texas hospitals they say refused to treat their ectopic pregnancies, leading both women to lose their fallopian tubes and endanger their future fertility. Texas law allows doctors to terminate ectopic pregnancies, a condition in which the fertilized egg implants in the fallopian tubes, instead of the uterus. Ectopic pregnancies are always non-viable and can quickly become life-threatening if left untreated. Despite these protections, these women say they were turned away from two separate hospitals that refused to treat them. The complaint alleges that the doctors and hospitals are so fearful of the state’s abortion laws, which carry penalties of up to life in prison when violated, that they are hesitating to perform even protected abortions.
The complaints were filed with the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, under the Emergency Medical Treatment and Labor Act, or EMTALA, a federal statute that requires hospitals to provide stabilizing medical care to anyone who shows up. That rule has long been interpreted to include medically necessary abortions, which has run up against state bans, including in Texas. Typically, federal EMTALA complaints are investigated by state health agencies, but the Center for Reproductive Rights, which filed the complaint, is asking for it to instead be handled by the federal Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services, or CMS. “CMS should not rely solely on a state agency’s assessment of the facts in reaching its determination because of Texas state officials’ hostility toward interpreting EMTALA as requiring hospitals to provide pregnancy termination to pregnant patients experiencing emergency medical conditions,” they wrote in the complaints. The U.S. Supreme Court earlier this year declined to say that Idaho’s abortion ban trumps the EMTALA requirement, but a federal appeals court in New Orleans has found that Texas hospitals cannot be required under EMTALA to provide life-saving abortions.
Similar diagnoses, similar results
Kyleigh Thurman says in the complaint that she went to Ascension Seton Williamson Hospital in Round Rock, north of Austin, with a tubal ectopic pregnancy. She says the hospital initially discharged her without treating the ectopic pregnancy, but she returned three days later with vaginal bleeding and worsening symptoms. Despite her doctor’s orders, the hospital refused to give her methotrexate, a common treatment that stops an ectopic pregnancy from continuing to develop. “Infuriated, Ms. Thurman’s OB-GYN met Ms. Thurman at Ascension Williamson to plead with the medical staff to give her methotrexate,” the complaint says. They eventually agreed. But it was too late; the ectopic pregnancy had grown too large, and ruptured. Thurman nearly bled to death and had to have her right fallopian tube removed. A spokesperson for Ascension declined to discuss the specifics of the case, but said in a statement that they are “committed to providing high-quality care to all who seek our services.”
Kelsie Norris-De La Cruz had a similar experience at Texas Health Arlington Memorial Hospital, outside Dallas. An emergency room physician diagnosed her with a tubal ectopic pregnancy and said she should get an injection of methotrexate or have surgery to remove the pregnancy. She chose surgery, but once the on-call OB/GYNs arrived, the complaint alleges, the hospital refused to treat her and told her to come back in 48 hours. “Ms. Norris-De La Cruz’s mother asked if the hospital’s refusal to provide care had anything to do with Texas’s abortion bans but received no response,” the complaint says. “As the conversation became more heated, the OB/GYN confirmed it was possible that Ms. Norris-De La Cruz could rupture over the next 48 hours and subsequently stormed out of the room.” Texas Health did not immediately respond to request for comment.
Norris-De La Cruz eventually found an OB/GYN through a friend who agreed to perform an emergency surgery to remove the ectopic pregnancy. By then, the mass had grown so large that it required also removing her right fallopian tube and 75% of her right ovary. “I ended up losing half of my fertility and if I was made to wait any longer, it’s very likely I would have died,” Norris-De La Cruz said in a statement. “These bans are making it nearly impossible to get basic emergency healthcare. So, I’m filing this complaint because women like me deserve justice and accountability from those that hurt us. Texas state officials can’t keep ignoring us. We can’t let them.”
Two Texas women, Kyleigh Thurman and Kelsie Norris-De La Cruz, filed federal EMTALA complaints against 2 Texas hospitals over refusal to treat ectopic pregnancies as a result of Texas’s strict anti-abortion laws.
See Also:
The 19th News: Two women say Texas hospitals wouldn’t treat their ectopic pregnancies. Each lost a fallopian tube as a result.
Jezebel: Texas Women Denied Care for Ectopic Pregnancies Due to State’s Abortion Ban Take Legal Action
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eimids · 1 year ago
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i really want to say that if you are struggling woth mental health, please ask for help
i just lost a friend of my, she suffered with depression and she couldn’t take it anymore
i just want to say that you are loved and i hope that no one has to go through what my friend had to go to. it is the last option to end your life and if you reach that point, society has failed you
please come talk to me or anyone else about your life and problems, i’m here to listen and hopefully i can help.
love you <3
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christiancornelius · 18 days ago
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“Give a man purpose and the ability to achieve it and he will crawl over broken glass with a smile” - Chris Williamson
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katelynnwrites · 10 months ago
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i have this awful sinking feeling that acls are beginning to be an injury that every footballer gets at one point or another in their career.
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x-heesy · 11 months ago
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You are the Road
Through sleep, you disconnect from the world so that you can reconnect with your soul.-Jennifer Williamson
New World by Zap Mama 🫶🏽
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jobkash · 3 months ago
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(FA) FIRST ASSISTANT MAIN OR (FT DAYS)
SummaryLocated in Franklin, Tennessee, Williamson Health is one of the South’s most exceptional health care systems with a 203 bed hospital (Williamson Medical Center), over 40 providers at our Williamson Health Medical Group locations, the Bone & Joint Institute and the Monroe Carell Junior Children’s Hospital Vanderbilt at Williamson Medical Center. Williamson Health offers comprehensive…
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asingularcoffeebean · 8 months ago
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not to get political or anything but if you can vote this year vote for this woman. she actually knows what shes doing.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marianne_Williamson
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incorrectsibunaquotes · 1 year ago
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and i’ll ruin it all over (i’ll ruin it for you)
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justrantingtopunks · 1 year ago
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To those who keep perpetuating the misconception that Marianne Williamson is anti-vax, hopefully this recent interview helps clear things up about that for you!
youtube
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cryingonthem00n · 2 years ago
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Friendly reminder to always prioritise your mental health this year
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lottithinkingandtanking · 5 months ago
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Jack Williamson
Mental health on tour.
Jack Williamson is a therapist, trainer, author, speaker and a former music industry professional. He has worked for some major labels, like Universal and Sony, and with many artists. 
Jack describes the music industry as an ecosystem that isn’t supportive of mental health and well-being, and he is doing things to change that. He spoke about how he is the clinical lead of Warners, and he provides mental health support for the employees. Alongside that, he advocated and campaigned for mental health support in record labels.
In 2019, he teamed up with Lewis Capaldi and his manager to launch a mental health initiative. “Williamson says the team behind Livelive want mental health support at gigs to become an industry standard.” (Hawthorne, 2020)
During the talk, Jack spoke about his career as a therapist. Currently, he provides mental health support on tours. He spoke about the six main things that can enhance anxiety: bad diet, stress, alcohol, caffeine, lack of sleep and fatigue. When touring, a lot, if not all, of these things are going to happen, and that can increase your chances of having an anxiety attack or a panic attack. 
I think there are many things that come with being on tour that take a toll on the mental well-being of artists. They face a lot of pressure with performances, having to give it their all every time to deliver a good show and satisfy their audiences. I think a lot of anxiety can occur from the fear of not meeting the expectations of their fans and others. Also, the erratic schedules while touring; travelling early in the morning and performing late at night. This can cause bad sleeping patterns and fatigue.
I think, as well, being away and on the move for an extended period of time can cause a sense of isolation. Artists will often be away from family and friends for months, and I can imagine they must get really home sick. I recently read about artist Jennifer Lopez cancelling her US leg of her tour to take time with her children, family and close friends. I think that is understandable, but a lot of artists can’t afford to do that, or simply won’t because they don’t want to disappoint their fans.
Jack said with therapy, he helps people on tour with all sort of problems; personal issues, past trauma, performance anxiety… Sometimes, people struggling with addiction and their journey with sobriety. As mentioned in the last blog post, Mark Richardson’s substance abuse problems started when he was on tour. I think in an attempt to cope with the stress, anxiety and exhaustion that comes with touring, artists often turn to drugs or alcohol as a form of self-medicating. “At all levels, from DIY acts to established indie icons and festival headliners, artists are suffering from mental health struggles vastly disproportionate from the general public”. (Pelly, 2022)
Some things that could help with staying healthy while on tour are having a structured routine, eating well, exercising regularly, and having a good support system, like a therapist. I thought all the topics Jack touched on were really interesting and important, and the work he does now, and what he has done to support people in the music industry with their mental health, is very laudable.
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rogerwilliamson · 6 months ago
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Empowered through difficulty the individual has risen through challenge to achieve a goal. However, one should be mindful that this is the success of a specific material objective.
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