#Why do I suck at birthdays so much
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truth-for-lies · 2 years ago
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I've never been comfortable with calling the guy in sleeping with "daddy" in a sexual sense and I think that partly stems from the fact that I grew up as an only child with a single dad and the sexual connotation of "daddy" just doesn't exist for me but I did it anyway last night for boyfriend because he likes it and it was his birthday and I was a total bitch in the morning
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softerhaze · 1 year ago
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idk if it was the venus retrograde or what, but july 2023 was quite literally the worst month i've ever experienced in my life like.....every single day? awful? worse than the last? it's more likely than u think
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elwolfen · 1 month ago
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I'm just always a bitch to everyone apparently and I'm told to go upstairs... certain people wonder why I stay in my room all the time
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orcelito · 1 month ago
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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calamitouscynic · 6 months ago
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does anyone want to donate a solid one thousand dollars to my bank account.
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localgardenweed · 5 months ago
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Thinking about how my mother’s like 20 year old Gameboy Advance SP still survives to this day and got drenched in plant pot water and still works afterward and only really has a led light problem like holy shit bro is a fucking TROOPER
I wanna start bringing it around more, I did for a while but i didn’t have a good case to care it till I JUST FOUND ONE IN A DRAWER LIKE WHAT THE HELL HOW COME NO ONE EVER TOLD ME??? Its yellowed and i wanna clean it up but like damn its a good as case. Its a side zipper though i dont like that but like it does a good job keeping it safe. But that shit built like the nokia phone man. Also saw that there was like a hip clip case when you could whip it out like a fucking gun bro that was so cool i need one of those
I wanna get some stuff for my ds lite but idk if i should fix it up first cause…yall have seen it…its a little fucked up and most people say to just buy a new one than spending more money to fix it and i probably should but like the emotional value man. I cant replace it!! It’ll get jealous!!! But either way that shit need like some sort of protection cause that thing is HANGING LITERALLY HANGING ONTO DEAR LIFE
My retro gaming collection continues to grow, and soon i will radiate epic swag im telling you man imma be the coolest kid on the block
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obnoxiousarcade · 5 months ago
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I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think
#someone very recently acknowledged something that usually goes unseen and it wasn't even that great of an acknowledgement but ive just been#staring at the messages every once in a while. its great. not really i sort of feel like a real weirdo#im very lonely. i cant say why but let it be known that i am very lonely#ok i have a question to those who lie their eyes upon this post: tell me what you know about me please?#so much lies in my social perception and i am just. not being perceived. at all. darn#i have a lot to cry about but morally i dont think i should-- specifics would mean being mean to the people i love#talking to anyone anymore just makes me feel horrible. doing anything anymore makes me feel horrible..tmbg has my back though ill live for#another.week or a few. and then my birthday will happen and rhen um#.Well. it sucks that sucks man. i dont want to disclose my age but to elaborate on why ACTUALLY HOLD ON#the thing i am about to say is not true; it is a metaphorical thing: it is my 21st birthday soon.#i decided that i wouldnt live past this age around 5 years ago and the only reason ive lived five years is being killed this year. i dont#think every thing ive been desperately clinging on to for the past 2 (?) years can keep me alive past then..i think im going to die. i have#to#NO MORE BEING A DOWNER#fox (vulpes vulpes) on the Internet for the first time#okay maybe a little more..i dont know who im talking to in this post. my friends do not read my tumblr and. i dont know anyone else.really.#uh#I'm listen to tmbg right now i love them#hey reader; i can only think of 3 people who see enough about me to check my blog. so i have separate questions for the each of you.#one of you likes (liked? school came in and i couldnt see your blog much past then; idk if its changed) tmbg. what do you think of The Else?#and uh you there... the guyyy. Google john flansburgh..i dont have a reason to this one ive just not been able to stop thinking about askin#you what you think of him.#um third person..... um#okay theres nothing iecan ask. i do want to apologize to you though: im sorry.#iThis is bullshit#im gonna delete this soon#Um also sorry if my wording here is. really wack. i tend to do that#i dont think anyones going to see this as is always#i think i just like talking to the hypothetical beast. yeah
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hiveswap · 1 year ago
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Being an older sister in a dysfunctional family living separately from the parent who is raising the kid is like actually being subjected to all circles of hell whenever you think about family too hard
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filthyjanuary · 11 months ago
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feeling sad :(
#sorry this is such a dumb thing to be sad about im a grown ass adult but like two thirds of the people i invited to my birthday#either cant come or said they would then bailed and like#some of them have legit reasons but some of them i'm kind of like :/ ok well i put in so much effort for yall would be really nice#if a crumb of that was reciprocated#idk i dont ask for much on my birthday i just want to have a nice dinner with my friends#and i have friends who like throw the biggest tantrum fusses about their birthdays and make it this entire spectacle#and people still humour them so it's kind of like#idk#do i really suck that bad that you cant make a saturday evening work to like eat good food#idk maybe next year i just wont plan anything#and everyone'll be like BUT SIMA IT'S THE BIG ONE and i'll be like well! i wish it werent!#bc it'll suck even more to have people not come lmao i dont actually think i've ever had a milestone birthday people just dont give a shit#this includes my parents idk like they are nice to me on my birthday but like no birthday was ever like hashtag special#and like the holidays already sucked so bad this year they did not feel like the holidays half the people i got presents for#didnt get me anything which is like fine i dont give presents to get them back but it kind of sucks to not even get a card? a thank you???#idk this is so stupid i am turning 29 i pay taxes this should not be a big deal#maybe it's bc i feel like half my 20s were pandemic years so it kind of sucks that theyre basically over and idk im just feeling sad and ol#and lonely and just kind of shitty and unlikeable#AND IT'S DUMBBBBB TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST IDK WHY I'M CRYING FUCK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE
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araneitela · 6 months ago
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Stop, stop, stop. There is only one 'Destiny's Slave' in the boundaries of Honkai: Star Rail, and that is Elio. Whether speaking about Kafka, Blade, Silver Wolf, and Firefly as a collective or as their own individual selves, the Stellaron Hunters are not "Destiny's Slave(s)".
You can call every living entity in HSR a 'slave to destiny' if you so insist, as that is honestly a common perception of destiny in media and in our actual lives, but that does not make it our title. Elio is the only one, the only one, directly referenced (and capitalized accordingly as one would do with a title) as 'Destiny's Slave'. Singular, not plural. Never once is it utilized in plural form, and capitalized like that. So stop taking it from him. Stop giving it out to the others and diminishing what it means for him within the greater narrative of the story.
Here, let me explain the fundamental issue behind taking this from his character, it lays with the burden that he bears. For just a second, imagine being able to see all the ways in which destiny can unfold: you can see the destruction of worlds and of the lives that inhabit them, of which some may be dear to you. You see things that you don't ask to see or may never want to see, but you have to bear it. And then there's the reality that that's the only power you hold, and you are powerless to directly influence it yourself, or stop it from occurring in any way. You know what that makes you? Destiny's Slave. That's one hell of a cruel 'destiny', isn't it; to bear witness, but no more than that?
Seriously, think again before you call Kafka, Blade, Silver Wolf or Firefly 'one of Destiny's Slaves' or 'Destiny's Slave' individually, for it's not what they are. Stop taking something from one character, to then also, quite frankly, mischaracterize the others afterwards.
#[ ooc. ] don't try to make it logical or edit your soul according to the fashion. rather; follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.#[ psa. ] we all think we have infinite possibilities; but every question and answer is constrained by previous choices.#[ salt. ] that breathing sensation? remember it.#[ i just. /i just/. feel SO STRONGLY about this. ]#[ i don't know how so many in this world get this wrong when the game is so point blank obvious about this. ]#[ please by all means-- point me at where 'Destiny's Slave' is every officially used for ANYONE other than elio. ]#[ i must know what feeds this misconception. but it drives me insane. ]#[ sometimes i wonder if i feel this strongly about this because i write kafka and she's noted to be his closest and most trusted. ]#[ and thus likely the one to stand against stuff like this in respect of him. ]#[ ... can i see her /intentionally/ letting someone make a bad assumption about this in game if it works in elio's favor? sure. ]#[ but that's a whole other story. no one has done that though and only the ones not knowledgeable would do so. ]#[ as wanted posters literally are clear on this. ]#[ /shakes the world. ]#[ /shakes the fandom. ]#[ /shakes artists. ]#[ this is how and why fanon sucks actually. ]#[ but it's just. god. don't take from another character who so far-- doesn't even have that much. honestly. ]#[ but also like i once said and will say again: please read. just please read. ]#[ i come back from a family birthday dinner to depart again soon-- and i just. everywhere. ]#[ it's like entering that room on fire and every flame is 'the stellaron hunters are Destiny's Slaves!' ]
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edelorion · 7 months ago
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#edel vents#disclaimer: really personal issues in the tags. also wishes of death upon others. this is PROBABLY too much information tbh...#so if you're not up for it scroll down fast!!!! the deluge is coming!!!#today was... eventful. bad. also very bad. grandma's birthday celebration was today#and while she... definitely has Old People Issues (racist) shes also very lonely since the death of my grandfather so i can't really not go#i'm the only one who really visits her regularly to begin with#aside from the... very serious racism issue... she's “alright”. i guess. but that's besides the point. there's family there#and among those... my parents. which i don't like to talk to#discovered they threw more of my old stuff away. typical. wanted to strangle them. as usual.#had to “talk” with my mother (read: spend approximately ten seconds reciting exactly why i *don't* talk to her anymore)#so that whole ordeal completely soured my mood.#went home tired. can't really do anything right now.#at least the food was good i guess. but i also really want to cry... which i can't. which sucks.#...i really like to think i've improved as a person. i used to be really hateful of everything and everyone#worst of all myself. still kinda do but i'm... getting better..?#i like to think i've grown past most of it but every time i see my parents i feel this gripping at my heart. as if i haven't really changed#as if instead i'm still the hateful person i “always was” deep down... bc there's this visceral joy that i feel whenever i'm mad at them.#when i looked at my mother and told her how much i despise her i felt a shiver of happiness. righteousness.#to be clear: i do NOT care for her. at all. she's the worst person on this earth#and the only person whom my philosophy of “nobody deserves to die” does NOT apply to. i'm not scared of hating her.#she genuinely deserves this. but...every time i see my parents - and thus her... i feel as if i'm slipping back into that mindset of hatred#i don't want that. not anymore. it consumed me whole. i was a horrible person back then and i've caused so much grief for so many#i can't let go of this hatred. i can't forgive them. they don't deserve my forgiveness anyway. but i'm tired of hating.#i'm tired of letting that hatred define me. i'm tired of letting that hatred direct me. i'm tired of letting it bring me to ruin.#i'm tired of being who i was. i'm no longer “that”. i'm edel now and i'm happy for people now. if i don't like something i just walk out.#i can just leave. “if it sucks hit the bricks” right?.. but i didn't. i had to say it. i had to tell them. her. and i liked it.#and... i'm scared of that. because it tells me i haven't improved.#i'm not sure what i'm expecting out of posting this i guess. maybe help. maybe i wanna be told that this is normal or something.#maybe i just want to get my thoughts in order. i don't know. i'm gonna stop writing now.#sorry for making you read all this. thanks for doing it anyway. tags were cut off on this one btw so it may look like a mess. but. yeah.
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phagodyke · 7 months ago
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wheres the "why is it so saaaad" image with the cat with big sopping watering eyes ouauauuugh how I feel is the embodiment of that
#ow....... my heart 🥹#im not even really sad about anything specific its just been such a long week. and probably the comedown is enhancing it#i just want to cry snottily into someones shirt for like half an hour and maybe ill be okay#its just so haaaard. and i think the meds do help a bit but it still takes effort on my part too. and it sucks a ljttle bit that theyll-#take a while to get used to and maybe therell still be some side effects anyway. and also they could be stopped by shortages at any time#i guess it just scares me a bit the idea of depending on smth like medication just to get a little closer to being a functional human#i wish that came with existing already.. but no point lamenting abt it. the cards have been dealt and its not all that bad really#i just want to be happy.... not all the time but maybe a solid 60-70% of the time. if thats not too much. dont we all girl!!#ah my life is pretty good as it is though and i have a lot to be grateful for. but im allowed to want a little more... right 🥹#im going to go to beddddd. hopefully ill sleep better tonight and tomorrow will be a nice day. at least i dont have to work yayy#ahhh. also its my birthday soon and it always makes me sad coming up to and having a birthday i dont know why..#i dont mind getting older but i guess it makes me feel quite reflective and sometimes its hard to think about the past/future#i want to be able to celebrate birthdays and let people be nice to me and have fun about it! and i say every year ill try better at it#but i never manage to get there it always feels like too much to ask for and too much to take.. ah. well its okay really#ill make myself a cake and do smth fun. and have a good cry at some point but thats just part of the day#not for another few weeks anyway.. okay 10pm lights out zzzz#.diaries
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13eyond13 · 2 years ago
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As much as I roast Beyond Birthday for his lack of subtlety I also kin him for it. Because in art school we were sometimes required to incorporate deep symbolism into our art pieces, and I was always doing things like drawing a dude holding a compass and wearing goggles to represent that he's feeling directionless about his worldview
#seriously art school was such both a good learning experience and also an embarrassing bummer all at once hahaha#i think the worst part about it is i started feeling like i couldnt have a sense of playfulness or humour in what i made?#not necessarily because anyone told me that but i just somehow internalized it and it sucked all the joy out of making stuff#i had to relearn a lot about why i used to love doing it in the first place and all that jazz people always say about art school#but anyway i just cant not be literal and hamfisted so i really shouldn't make fun of B#for being like#hmmm clocks!! eyeballs!! the number 13#it's really not as easy as it looks to be subtle and artful about such things#i think part of the problem was i went to school basically for making fine art to hang in galleries#when all i really ever loved art for was all the comics and movies and games and cartoons i took in#i didnt live somewhere where i could often go to museums or galleries so i lived through books and screens alone for art basically#and i really started believing all the stuff i loved wasnt the 'correct' kind of art that i should be focusing on anymore because of school#i definitely recommend considering your influences when it comes to the kind of schooling you do#like pick something where you'll be studying the artists and art you genuinely were inspired by because#so much of art school was studying fine art and artists that legitimately did nothing for me#not because they werent worth studying but just because they werent my personal taste#beyond birthday#p
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bewby · 2 years ago
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when you get blocked by him even tgough you guys barely even talk anymore but the last time you talked which was about a week ago you actually had a nice and healthy conversation and you had alot of love for eachother and it seemed amazing 😂😂😍😍😍😍 no i'm definitely not fucking crying Lol
#it has been 3 years and i'm still here crying over this#well technically it has been about 1 year but also not really. i mean. we stopped talking around december ir smth last year#so it makes sense that this wound is still pretty fresh and will take some time to heal but i'm like. hahhaha#he's still my best friend and this really makes me sad#because i really love him and we even hung out together on genshin for some time#and we sent eachother really nice messages and i told him he xan always come to me no matter what and that i'm always here for him#and that if he's ever in a crisis he can even come see me he doesn't even have to ask#and now i'm blocked. hshdjckdjdhjf#i mean why am i surprised. he has every right to. and i'm his ex . and he likes someone else now#but it still really hurts because i wish i could be a better friend to him at least. but i can't talk to anyone these days#but especially with him it hurts so much because i actually know him so so well and it hurts so much more . like. we know eachother since#i was like. 16 and he was 18. it's insane!!!!!! we share a fucking birthday!!!!! i wanna die!!!!!!#i need to accept that it's over since like years but you can't just do that when you really love someone and care for them#haha . this really sucks alot#i know i need to just move along and i try i do but i will never stop having love for him even if it's just platonic it's so deep like wow#i donmt even know how to explain it and my love for him took over my entire life for years to the point where i turned into an absolute#nobody and it worried him so much too so obviously it makes sense that this takes some time . but God ahhahahshshshahah. ahhahahshsah#i feel so sad and i'm allowed to feel sad . but wjen i feel sad it feels like i'm fucking dying#wow. okay i'll stop now#he has every right to block me but he's my best friend so it hurts. that's all
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jesse-pinko · 1 year ago
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No furry homo or whatever but I could like the idea of Warrior Cats anthro on the condition that they most closely resemble the monstrous were-cats from Scooby Doo Zombie Island <3
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dreamyberry · 1 year ago
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/9.10.23
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