#Which raises the question: what is the worth of “serious” versions of these characters?

[mimeparadox]

Getting to finally play River City Girls 2 this week, I have to say, yes to all this, and it all makes Double Dragon Revive's take on Marian all the more disappointing.

In a vacuum, this isn't a terrible design. Sure, there's absolutely nothing inspired about it, and I question how that bodysuit is supposed to zip up without turning into a binder, but it works. It's blandly pleasing instead of making me ask WHY???, and if they'd married this design with Marian's River City Girls fighting style, I might not have complained too much.

Instead we get this.

You really can't get more kick chick waif-fu than this--and in a universe where River City Girls doesn't exist, this may pass as perfectly adequate. In a world where it does exist, it feels like malfeasance at best, and unconscious sexism at worst.

(That her very first line is an apology for something that she has no control over makes a solid case for the latter. River City Girls Marian would never.)

Like, I get that this game is going for a completely different tone than River City Girls, and that a 1:1 translation of that version of Marian (especially in terms of personality) was never going to be feasible. And yet, that they're willing to abandon it so completely, when it's the first time that Marian actually feels like a distinctive, memorable and vital character, and then to replace her with someone who is none of those things feels just so...dumb. How does one take a look at River City Girls 2 Marian and decide..."nah"?

A New Day for Women in Beat’Em Ups: Marian and River City Girls 2

I think the thing that surprises me the most about playing Marian is how… liberating it really feels.

Marian is, put plainly, a brute.  Marian hits people like her fists are made out of tanker trucks and they’re breaking the speed limit.  Marian can punch her enemies across the screen with her basic Heavy attacks- not even a Special!  Just a good old Heavy Attack, and she can send them across the screen with a punch that doesn’t look like she’s putting all that much effort into it.

Marian has elbow drops for her “hit them on the ground” move.  Marian can grab people and bash their skulls together.  She has almost unparalleled ability to crush faces, and her combo strings are all punches- no fancy kicks or twirls here.  Marian can make her uppercuts combo into each other, but she can’t flipkick anybody.

She’s also kind of slow!  Marian’s a bit of a tank.  She’s not one of the faster characters; she’s not greased lightning like Provie or Kyoko.  Marian’s a bruiser, not a cruiser.  She can cross the screen quickly with her default Special, but that’s a wind-up punch that takes time and leaves her vulnerable- though when it’s at full charge, she just plows her opponents down in a massive punch that would be more commonly seen on a big, strong dude.

Which leads me to my next point: Marian?  Is a surprisingly feminist character, in a lot of ways. 

It’s not Ra Ra Girl Power like we’re used to seeing, which often emphasizes femininity.  Marian’s about as feminine as a knuckleduster; yet the game manages this without emphasizing her as “boyish.”  No one ever accuses her of being a man, or questions her as a woman, nor is her lack of relative girlishness treated as a problem for attracting others.  Even her very introduction, beyond having Kyoko and Misako both lusting after her “legendary abs”, firmly establishes that she had a relationship with both the Lee brothers of Double Dragon fame (through hilarious eyebrow waggling, of all things.)

Girls in beat’em up games fall into only one category, usually, since there’s almost never more than one you can play: the speedy, fragile character.  Marian is the exact opposite; her beat’em up predecessors in playstyle are people like Max Thunder or Floyd Iraia of Streets of Rage, Bullova of The Combatribes, and Mike Haggar of Final Fight.  She‘s a one-woman wrecking crew, a bulldozer in first gear, slow but steady.

Even Marian’s theme in her boss fight is intimidating- and her fighting style during that boss fight is quite unique!  She doesn’t summon goons or minions, like most bosses in beat’em ups do- no, the threat in her fight is just Marian herself, and she’s more than enough.  She shakes the ground in her fight with her bare hands, throws exploding barrels at you, lunges across the screen with her giant punches- it’s quite the throwdown!

All of this to say that in a lot of ways, Marian is treated as powerful in a way that video games of all stripes, and beat’em ups in particular, have never treated women.  Marian is an absurdly present physical threat, and none of it detracts from her womanly nature- she’s just a powerhouse and everybody has to deal with it.

Honestly her closest counterpart might be Martha Splatterhead, the final boss of Combatribes, more than any actually playable character- which makes it particularly amusing that Martha herself is in the game as a powerful, rare enemy type.

It’s neat to see a game treat a female character with both this much respect and this much sheer asskicking power without trying to lessen it in some way or use it as a slight against her, and I love seeing it.

Also Mega McDuffee deserves an award, the game’s musici s incredibly solid.

[malewifehenrycooldown]

a very long post talking about how some of the mainline nmh characters interact with amelie and rhys.

Right off the bat, Jeane and Travis would both be the 'cool aunt and uncle' on opposing ends of the spectrum of 'will break more than your ankles if you hurt my niece/nephew' to 'you can stay up late past your bedtime and watch tv just don't tell your mum or dad i said that :3 '

on a more serious note, when Jeane Smackdown holds newborn Amelie (and then later Rhys) she almost cries because now she realises the future is worth fighting for and also swears to kill anyone that harms her niece/nephew. def. makes a comment about how cute they are. Absolutely the kind of person to take them to theme parks and other outings.

Travis on the other hand, who has no idea how to hold a baby is like 'Haha! A mini version of Shallow and Henry :D' (regarding both Amelie and Rhys). But then a lot later it then turns into 'oh god I'm an uncle now, oh god I need to get my shit together, I need to turn down the loud anime paraphernalia in my home, I need to keep hazardous objects away from them, oh god my nieces/nephews can be used as leverage against me and as the top number one assassin I need to keep my guard up around them.' TERRIBLE babysitter, but is a great uncle, has also cheekily let them stay up late a few times when they're older.

Bishop is sad that his older brother (who was also called Bishop) won't get to meet Amelie and Rhys, but he is also happy to be part of this circle of friends. Should be noted that much like Travis, he has NO idea how to hold a baby, so poor Shallow has to tiredly demonstrate how to hold them.

Shigeki Birkin gets slightly nostalgic, because holding Amelie/Rhys immediately reminds him of the time when he was a new dad raising Charlotte. Definitely takes Henry aside to give them as much helpful parental advice as possible.

Charlotte doesn't really pay that much attention to them, because this is bad girl we're talking about she is not the most family friendly person ever. But when Amelie and Rhys get a bit older (say 4 - 6 years old), she opts to actually teach them baseball w/ her dad. sometimes she does their hair too.

Scarlet Jacobs does have other things on her plate, especially with her dojo. Although when Amelie and Rhys are old enough she does invite them over to the dojo and they make friends with the other kids there :'). When Scarlet does hold Amelie and later Rhys for the first time, she's kinda comes to similar conclusions like Jeane Smackdown. When Amelie and Rhys get older they start to view Shinobu as a role model figure, and they do help out at the dojo when Scarlet needs extra helping hands.

Kamui and Midori do take a liking to Amelie and Rhys, esp. Midori who does have her own 'kids' (they're demon kids that are her hands, look non-nmh followers just roll with it) - so immediately she has a BIG soft spot for them. Is ABSOLUTELY the best babysitter, loves putting on shadow puppet shows for them.

Kamui on the other hand is a little more apprehensive, because I think that even with the powers he has - he might be a little scared of harming them, esp. since you know. their dad is like outright dangerous - but I do think that he'd be great in making sure that Amelie and Rhys have their powers in check. (which hey remember, shallow DID create a black hole in a room that one time as a kid so y'know. Kamui can perfectly handle such a situation.)

Dr. Naomi is just. kinda disappointed? I'm not sure how to explain this other than her asking Henry point blank "are you sure you're ready to take care of a child who might have inter-dimensional abilities?" Henry just simply says "I know what I signed up for. Don't question my capabilities." Obviously since she's a Cherry Blossom tree she can't really hold them, but I do like to think that maybe she has a branch that does turn into a swing of sorts. idk it's more of a sentimental thing because really seeing Amelie and Rhys just reminds her of the time when she was caring for Shallow when she was their age.

Dr. Juvenile is kinda melancholic in that she can't really properly interact with her grandniece/grandnephew as much as she would like. Don't get me wrong, she is really happy for her niece, and does really adore Amelie and Rhys - she feels that this is an opportunity to make up for the lost time she never really spent with Shallow when she was younger, she's not lost in her work making games or being a perfectionist anymore - she has the opportunity to make up and be the aunt she has wanted to be. It will certainly be a challenge, esp. since she primary communicates through technology, and obviously tech can't replace any of the same sensational feelings like flesh and blood provide. But Juvenile is a genius enough to probably find solutions to these issues, and perhaps may make an artificial body for her to load her consciousness in and actually be able to physically interact with Amelie and Rhys. She at the very least tries to interact with them, which honestly just doing her best is enough.

[waheelawhisperer]

15 for the OC ask, Feilan!

15) How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

Perhaps the first thing I should clarify is that I have 4 different Feilan stories with 4 different iterations on the same core character, so answers to any of these questions will change based on which version of him I'm talking about.

Feilan is a bit of a nerd and likes to read, so he tends to speak like someone who's reasonably well-read/well-educated. He's not pompous or overly formal, but if you listen to him long enough, you can tell he's been to school and done well there (high INT, low WIS character).

Feilan swears a lot, which is a frequent point of contention between him and Yang, who doesn't like people cussing in earshot of her sister (yeah, Yang's done it herself, but her swears have been both mild and uttered under extreme emotional duress). Sometimes Yang gets her way, sometimes she doesn't. She's socially dominant over Feilan by a fair margin, so she tends to win whatever battles she wants when they're on a level playing field or one that favors her (stories 2 and 3), but Feilan 1 manages to blunder into a position that places him high enough in the social hierarchy that his structural authority can counteract her natural dominance well enough to balance things out and then gets punted violently upstairs into a role where he has significant power over her, forcing her to pick her battles more carefully. She still runs roughshod over him when she thinks a fight's worth taking, though. She and her teammates have precisely 0 trouble standing up to him when they want to (Blake in particular is an absolute shit about defying his authority).

Feilan 4, meanwhile, is forced to keep Yang guessing about their relative social standing as a survival strategy.

As for how they speak, every version of Feilan tends to be somewhat guarded about what they reveal for one reason or another. He's always got at least one dangerous secret he doesn't want getting out, so he tends to phrase things carefully when he senses danger. Feilan 1 ends up having to match wits with some very dangerous people, including his own nominal allies, with the price of failure being imprisonment or death, so he's very careful about what he says and how he says it. He ends up becoming very good at leading people to the conclusions he wants them to come to, often without ever outright lying.

Feilan 2 was raised in extreme isolation and has limited interaction with people outside his immediate family and their retainers, to the point where Ren is quite literally the first man near his age he's ever met and also his first and closest male friend. He's had the necessity of keeping certain secrets drilled into his head since he was a child, but otherwise he tends to say whatever comes to mind very openly and honestly (he throws Yang for a loop by telling her she's beautiful with no ulterior motives and earns Weiss's wrath by asking why she's so tiny (he and his siblings have tall Viking genes)). Between this plus a serious inability to read social cues, most people don't quite know what to do with him and he tends to Say The Wrong Thing and invite scrutiny a lot, which becomes a source of intense frustration for his loyal ("loyal") guardian and mentor. This version of Feilan loves to talk to and be around people, and will chat for hours about the weirdest subjects. His understanding of slang, euphemisms, and other such things is... not the best, which leads to some interesting misunderstandings.

Feilan 3 is much more reticent and tends to fade into the background. The price for his training and admission into Beacon was the directive that he serve as a meatshield for certain people deemed more important than him, and he's internalized that in very unhealthy ways. He tries to avoid drawing attention if he can avoid it, and his training has left psychological scars that make it hard for him to trust or open up to people. Once he does trust someone, though, he's almost totally unguarded and doesn't really think much about what he's saying.

Feilan 4 spends the first arc of his story in an environment where even the slightest misstep will result in death or worse and learns to be very careful about what he says and does as a result. He's very closed off outside his circle of friends and allies and considers every word and action carefully.

Feilan has a very deep, commanding voice that is frequently noted as attractive (I'm shamelessly putting a little bit of myself in him with this one), but he tends to speak quietly and softly under normal circumstances. He's typically a bit naturally shy and not very confident and has trouble asserting himself before character development, so early Feilan in particular often speaks and expresses himself like he expects to be ignored or talked over. Once he grows into positions of authority or simply learns the necessity of communicating effectively on the battlefield, his voice becomes more confident and assertive.

If I were to cast a VA for Feilan, I typically imagine him as being voiced by Matt Mercer or Daisuke Ono.

I think I might've gone on a tangent or two here, but I hope this answers the question

[cmiyczine]

I'm an artist that applied and I think you both have points. 1. My own feelings don't hold any weight compared to the suffering of the Palestinian people. I appreciate your compassion but many of us (not all, but a significant amount and possibly majority considering this was introduced as a Palestine charity zine right out the gate) do acknowledge that our personal internal hurt feelings don't matter when considering actions to aid Palestine, much like our own grief fatigue shouldn't be used as an excuse to quit or take a long, long break in the name of self care. It's a common principle among pro-Palestinian activists. 2. Given the aid we're intending to provide, we do want to get this out as fast as possible. HOWEVER. 3. You're right about this timeline being loose. We must have it be somewhat flexible to allow for the best possible quality in order to turn the most profits from the people who wouldn't otherwise actively choose to donate to help Palestine. Plus higher quality will mean we can raise the prices a tiny bit without it seeming out of line to those who want this for the product and not the donation.

I admire your compassion and our ethics vary when it comes to personal feelings in the wake of mass tragedy of, supposedly, strangers. But the fact that you're making this at all isn't something to be ignored. It's still a donation campaign. I think, should you attempt this kind of charity zine again, if the guilt of rejecting people is still overwhelming, have a template to fill out where the blanks you fill in make it personal, and add a unique comment about their work in there somewhere. That might be a workable balance that doesn't compromise the principles of many involved.

I say with this big a project there's no one predominant mindset, but a handful, and I'm not just going to jump ship if I get accepted since it's very much worth it. There are other charity projects that are more prompt and seemingly more experienced, but I'm not qualified for. Not to mention this is the serious version of "holy shit, two cakes". I have my personal beliefs about how this should be operated, but whatever is done is done and money will be made anyway, and it'd take longer to get the money if I started my own zine, something I have no knowledge or experience with.

Whether what you're doing is the right way to do it or not, it's still right that you're doing it at all.

And, frankly, you were explicit about the cause of the delay and it didn't appear to be anything affecting the organization and release of money, so I'll foreseeably disagree with that anon on that front; there is no clear correlation.

This project shouldn't devolve into passionate emotional arguing this early. What's important is that it's a project in the first place and since it's started it'd be an immoral waste to drop it. The only other important thing is that anyone who leaves, as they are not profiting off of this, foes so by choice and is able to by choice.

Thank you for your message. You are right about one thing : This project shouldn't devolve into passionate emotional arguing this early. Nor it should EVER.

It is is so easy for you as an outsider to say that most participants should not put their emotions above that of the suffering of Palestinians. Which I evidently completely agree about. But you were not the one going through the applications. I've read every single one, I've read their name and pronoms, saw their galleries, read about them gushing about the characters theyd want to draw, read their suggestions for the project. Each of these person, just like each palestinian, is one whole universe. And It was completely out of the question for me to just bcci everyone with a copied and pasted message of rejection.

If you think I am displaying too much empathy, You wont believe what fuelled me to sacrifice a significant amount of my time and sanity for this project in the first place. I do NOT want to be the cause of hurt for anybody. And You might have nerve of steel and brush a rejection easily, But it is an issue and a struggle for many others. I dont know the psychological profile of the people who applied. And you know wat ? I dont care. Were it any other project I would have done the same. I do not want to cause hurt to anybody. People can feel empathy for Palestine while feeling hurt about a project they were enthusiastic about too. There is no hierarchy in emotions.

I cant believe people are getting ok my case for a delay of a few days because I couldnt bring myself to be NOT be empathic toward participants, when it is litteraly that same empathy that has my heart bleeding for Palestine everyday. I am supposed to be humanitarian toward the people of palestine but not toward the people whom sent applications ? I dont know how you function but my empathy doesnt have a filter nor a hierachy. I feel for everyone, wether the hurt is small or unbearable.

If you do not approve of my methods, I beg you to please unfollow this project and move along. Make your own Palestine project. I am no one, I am irrelevant, I've only organized one zine, I just have friends whom have taken care of big projects. If someone like me can orgazine a charity project then so can you.

Come back in a few months and see the results as well. Maybe you'll realize that gettting on my case for a few days delay was nothing in the grand scheme of things.

[bestworstcase]

What are your thoughts on Jacques as a character? Do you have any?

“you think running off like your sister is going to make the schnee name stronger? it won’t. siding with her only divides us.”

rwby does a neat thing in v4 of utilizing slimeball-in-chief jacques to do the heavy lifting of foreshadowing ironwood’s tailspin into fascist tyranny—which is, of course, a bit of emotional sleight-of-hand to misdirect unwary viewers, because ironwood has hitherto been framed as sometimes misguided but having his heart in the right place, whereas jacques is a smug, child-abusing bastard of a capitalist and we don’t want to agree with him when he calls ironwood’s power-grabbing self-aggrandizement what it is. this is a role jacques reprises to great effect in v7, wherein his campaign for the council seat is a cynical performance of giving a damn about mantle but also makes him one of the most effective critics of ironwood’s increasingly dictatorial regime; he is, after all, the inciting force behind the council’s attempt to take ironwood to task for his unilateral and secretive actions of late, even going so far as to literally give robyn a seat at the table.

not to argue that jacques gives a flying fuck about anything but maximizing the SDC’s profits and flexing on someone he perceived as an obstacle to that goal—because he doesn’t—but, his role in the narrative is to be sort of the canary in the coal mine for ironwood’s hero-to-villain arc.

and that makes the remark quoted above very interesting to me, because: that is the exact rhetoric that undergirds the rwbyjnorq approach to internal conflicts. how many times have we heard variations on “salem seeks only to divide us” or “we can’t let salem divide us” or the kids fretting out loud that arguing and disagreeing only plays into her hands?—and here is that same rhetoric coming from the mouth of one of the most unpleasant characters in the entire show, whose foremost narrative role beyond facilitating weiss’s character development is telegraphing that ironwood is bad news.

it’s such a breathtakingly clear illustration of how easily the specter of “division” can be used as a tool of manipulation and control, how readily it goes hand-in-hand with a cynical emphasis on the appearance of unified strength above everything else, and how division in and of itself is a morally neutral quality. jacques is, of course, not wrong that weiss stirring the pot by leaving to be a huntress and shirking her nominal responsibilities as the future CEO of the schnee dust company could rattle investors and raise some serious questions about the long-term stability of the SDC; but ethically and emotionally it is also something that weiss must do, because the SDC as it is now is not worth preserving and living under her father’s thumb will destroy her.

so she leaves—divides the family, if you will—and finds her own way, and later returns with the inner strength and emotional support she needs to reconnect with the parts of her family and the schnee legacy that she values without sacrificing herself in the process.

which all feels very, um, pointed wrt the current ozma/salem unity/division power struggle over the fate of humanity and the obvious parallels that can be drawn between jacques’ abuse of his family and the god of light’s abuse of his creations.

anyway

i also appreciate jacques as a character who is just, profoundly and satisfyingly awful. he’s very like adam in that regard; whatever redeeming qualities he once had, he left behind long ago in pursuit of his self-centered goals and what’s left is a person who has decided with total confidence to become the worst version of himself, and there’s always something enjoyable about watching that sort of character cause problems for everyone else.

[strawberrymilkgeorge]

Part Nine. Minecraft Dating 101

warnings: swearing, mostly super freaking fluffy but some oopsies at the end (which is the barely-there angst that i mentioned before!!), pet names?? if that bothers you??? (like...... one or both of them might use baby.........) word count: 5.3k (not including pictures)

behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

A/N: HEHEH SORRY ITS SO LONG SORRY hope you guys like it!!!! hope it lives up to your standards of minecraft dates lol also thank you guys all for all your suggestions!!! i loved all of them so much!!!! i would have added every idea except this was already 5k words so its much less “flirting” and more so “oh gosh im so nervous what am i supposed to do” from both of them so hehe i think thats more endearing anyway

**********

The familiar sound of a FaceTime call connecting rang in Y/n's ears and she held her phone up to her face. "Hi, Karl," she sighed.

"Y/N!!" he said with a cackle. "ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR DATE?!"

"Shut up, I'm doing this for you."

"I already gave you the tour though so really you could back out. You're choosing to stay." His voice was teasing and giddy. "Why's that, hmm?"

Heat rose instantly to Y/n's face. "Because I'm a woman of my word?"

"OkaAaAyy," he sang. "Or because you liiiiikeee himmm."

"Shhhut up, Karl. No, I don't."

"Suuuure."

"Is this why you called me?"

He giggled. "Yeah, but—"

Y/n disconnected the call and set her phone down with a small laugh and a shake of her head.

With her stream started and her chat greeted, the donation limit raised to $100 (both because she didn't want to be flooded with questions on the date and because she didn't want people to donate their hard-earned money), Y/n logged onto Dream's SMP and found the voice call Dream was in, George's name right under his.

After she clicked it to join, a small gasp emitted from her headphones before she heard Dream mutter something. "Get out, get out, leave."

George's voice was normal. "But I wanna—"

"GEORGE!" Dream yelled, making Y/n giggle.

"Fine!" George yelled back. "Have fun you two," he sang like Karl did before a sound from Discord told them that he left.

It was silent for a second before, "Hi."

"Hi." She giggled. "What was that about?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing. Just some last minute, uh, setting up."

She hummed, amused at the sound of his frantic voice.

"So, um... are you ready for our date?"

"I don't even know where you are. I'm still in my house."

"Knock, knock," he said with a laugh. Y/n turned to see green peeking through the cutouts on her oak door and she laughed.

She ran to the door and opened it for him, revealing Dream in a slightly altered version of his Minecraft skin. He looked the same, except the white blob appeared to be wearing a necktie of some sort. "You look ridiculous," she admitted with a smile. "Wait, is this a fancy date? Should I change my skin?"

"It's not fancy, I just wanted to look my best for the prettiest girl in the world."

"Ohmygosh," she muttered to herself, hoping that writing off his charming words and actions as annoying would make her face not heat up as much. So far, it hadn't worked. Two minutes in and she was already blushing like a schoolgirl whose crush asked her to play tag at recess. "So, I'm not underdressed?"

"No, you're always perfect."

She didn't comment, opting for an eye-roll instead. Truthfully, she wanted to flirt back with him, try to make his heart beat fast like hers already was, but she was worried her words wouldn't come off joking and that the true intention would be obvious, that he'd be able to breeze right past the jovial tone and hear the sincerity in her words. Wait, true intention? What was her true intention? Her true intention should obviously be to just joke around and have some fun, but deep down she knew the motivation for teasing him came from somewhere different, somewhere more meaningful.

She wanted to tease him because she wanted to be the one to make him blush, to make him trip over his words and not know what to do with his hands.

Why? Well, she was still figuring that out.

"If you're ready, follow me, ma'am."

"Where are you taking me?" she asked as she followed his character down prime path.

"Hmmm..." he mused. "A secret, obviously."

"Obviously," she scoffed. She noticed that he was several blocks ahead of her and she smiled to herself. "Hey, Dream?"

"Hm?" he asked, spinning to face her as he ran backward.

"I don't know how many dates you've been on, but usually people walk together. You know, gives them an excuse to maybe hold hands or at least enjoy each other's company?" She made sure her voice had just the right balance of teasing and seriousness, curious as to how he would respond.

"I, uh... oh."

"Unless you want me to just meet you there. I mean, you're practically running away from me."

"I'm just excited!" he excused, stopping briefly so she could catch up with him.

"But look at how many beautiful things there around us to look at while we get to where we're going!" she told him. "Well, maybe not that," she said with a laugh as she punched her fist towards Tommy's dirt house. "But other things."

Dream laughed and continued to walk next to her like she requested, pausing if he ever got too far ahead. "How can I look at all those when the most beautiful thing is walking right next to me?"

She's never rolled her eyes so hard in her life. "Shut up," she mumbled as she punched him.

"OW! BUG!"

"That was supposed to be a pat on the arm but Minecraft only has one level of hitting and it's a punch. Sorry."

Dream wheezed briefly before containing his laughter. "This way," he instructed, getting off the path and starting into the woods.

"Oh, really you're trying to kill me. That's why you didn't want me to wear anything nice. Didn't want me to ruin any of my fancy stuff."

"Foiled my plans," he joked lightly. "Okay but really, um, I was thinking—well, so you already have a house but I was thinking we could build one together. Or build something, I don't know. But you're really good at building and I know you really enjoy it so I thought maybe you could show—like, teach me and then later I'll teach you something and then we can have a little picnic dinner."

Y/n smiled at her nervousness. "Hey, that actually sounds really fun!"

"What? What do you mean actually?" He laughed. "What, did you expect me to plan something boring?"

She laughed over his dramatic pouting. "No, but I mean, I didn't know what to expect," she said shyly. "I do have to say, though, I'm not sure what you plan on teaching me. I'm pretty much a master at all possible Minecraft skills, so..."

"Oh, really?" he taunted. "Everything?"

"Mhm," she hummed, her confidence wavering at his smooth voice.

"We'll see about that..."

"Unless you mean you're gonna teach me how to code Minecraft. That's a Minecraft skill I will admit I know nothing about."

"No, no, nothing like that," he said with a laugh.

"Good, save the programming talk for later."

"For laaater, hmmm?" he sang flirtatiously.

"Oh my gosh," she said through a laugh. "You would think that's what I meant."

"Hey, you're the one that said you think it's cute when I talk about coding. Maybe you're into that."

"I was saying it's sweet hearing you talk about stuff you like, you nerd. Why did you immediately think—what, is your idea of dirty talk talking about... like... computer viruses?"

"WhAT?"

"Hey girl, lemme clean out your motherboard," she mocked in a deep voice. "You overclock my processor. Lemme program your, uh—uh...hAHA, nevermind, ew, no."

"BUG?! WHAAAT? What is wrong with you?" His gasps for breath between wheezes made her laugh with him. "Don't ever talk like that again, pleASE."

"I won't, I won't, I'm sorry. Oh my gosh."

"Is that your idea of flirting? You are bad!"

"No, no, no!" She laughed. "I was making fun of you. No, I'm actually really good."

She couldn't stop giggling to herself for a few minutes, embarrassed but also proud of the reaction she got from Dream. She loved hearing him laugh as if he would never stop, it made her heart so happy to hear, especially when she was the one who caused it.

Though she feared her horrible pickup lines, if you could even call them that, were already clipped, ready to be used against her for the rest of her life. Worth it. Probably.

They approached a cleared-out area in the woods and Dream stopped and turned to Y/n. "So, we're here. What should we build?"

"Oh, so now I have to plan? Wow, you are so underprepared," she joked.

"What, no! I originally... I wanted to build a, like, a house together because I didn't— I forgot you made your—your house already and—but since you already have one—"

"We can still build a house," she interrupted with a soft voice. Him fumbling over his words was very endearing but also very confusing. How serious was he taking this bit? Or was he... actually nervous? She was actually nervous but she had reasons to be: a huge live audience to entertain and not ignore, and the weird staticky, itchy feeling in her tummy every time Dream spoke to her. Both valid reasons to be nervous. What was his excuse?

"Really? You wanna build a home together?"

Heat rose to her cheeks at his wording and she hummed. "Mhm. You can be my secret lover I hide in my vacation home. Like a second life kinda deal."

He scoffed. "Oh, now I'm just your side piece, Bug?"

"Nah, you're my main bitch, baby. I just wanna hide you away to keep you for myself because I'm selfish."

There was silence on his end for a few moments, making Y/n's face practically catch fire as she thought about her words. Why did she say that?? How can he flirt all the time but as soon as she says something: dead silence.

"Well.... shhhhhit," he finally mumbled definitively.

"You wanted me to flirt with you, Dream. You literally asked me too!" She laughed, trying to cover up her embarrassment. It had been less than 20 minutes and she already made a fool of herself.

"I did, I did, I just—wow. Come on, that was... I didn't expect you to go from never flirting to calling me baby!"

"Too much?" she bit her lip as she waited for him to explain if it was a good or bad thing.

He paused again. "....no."

She laughed loudly, pulling her hoodie collar up to her face in an attempt to rid herself of the giddiness and heat on her face. Like anyone could see anyway.

"So, a house?"

"A house."

"What kind of house do you think we should build together, Dream?"

"Maybe...." he thought as he ran around the area. "Maybe, like, a log cabin? Since we're in a forest. It's fitting..."

"Very true, very true..." she thought. "I was thinking a castle was more suited for you, king, but a cabin works too."

"Bug!" he yelled, laughter bubbling up in his voice. "What is wrong with you?"

"What?" she said defensively, giggling.

"You're a handful today," he groaned under his breath and she smiled. Though his words said one thing, Y/n could tell he was enjoying her energy.

"So, a dinky, old cabin, or what?"

"Whatever you want to build," he sighed.

"You always this agreeable?"

"Only to you."

"Well, I honestly don't have much practice with building cabins and since I want to show off my skills, I mean, that's the whole point of this, right? For me to impress you with my skills?"

Dream laughed so she continued.

"I think we should build a treehouse."

"A treehouse?"

"Mhm. What do you think? I make a pretty bomb treehouse."

"That sounds awesome!" he agreed. "Oh, and it could go from, like, one tree to another and, like, connect with a bridge! Like, the living room on one and the bedroom on another."

"Yeah, exactly! Okay, it's settled."

"What do we need? What do you want me to do?"

"I'm thinking.... we use cobblestone?"

Dead silent. Literally no noise until a few moments later, ".......Bug. This might be a deal-breaker."

"I'm joooking! You think I'd build something out of cobblestone? Who am I, Tommy? No, what's your favorite wood?"

"Dark oak."

"GOOD. Me too. So.... we need dark oak. Or, wait! Okay, hear me out."

"I'm hearing..." Dream prompted as he pressed A and D on his keyboard back and forth, earning a giggle from Y/n. He character was bouncing left and right is excitement.

"Dark oak planks..." she started.

"Mhm."

"Stone bricks..."

"Go on."

"And green wool for accents."

"Well, now you're just pandering."

"No!" she laughed. "Not, like, lime wool. Green wool. It's close to you but not as... obnoxiously blinding."

"I trust your vision. I'll go get materials."

"Perfect, you're the best, Dweam."

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled before laughing. "You pick out a tree you think would be best for the main part."

40 minutes later, they were nowhere near being done. Y/n had shown him how to make a good house layout after he placed the floor in the shape of a square. She had yelled at him for it first, of course. They also had the frame of the walls and one bridge but nothing on the other side of said bridge. Not wanting the stream to last six hours since this was only the first part of the date, Y/n made a suggestion.

"What if...."

"What if what?" Dream asked, pausing to look at her character, who had stopped fixing his mistakes. "Did I mess something up?"

"No, I was just thinking. What if we make this the whole house and do a little garden on the other side of the bridge? Or like a little cute thing."

"A little cute thing?" Dream laughed.

"You know, like a thing," she said, knowing she hadn't clarified anything. "I forgot this is only date one, you can't read my mind yet."

"Oh, so there are gonna be future dates? I thought this was just to pay off your debt?"

She paused, playing with her hoodie strings between her left hand. "Well, I guess we'll see."

Dream laughed. "So, what little cute thing did you want to make?"

"We could put a bench facing the sunset and have some potted flowers and hang lanterns and stuff."

"Oh, like a romantic spot?"

"I guess if you wanna think of it like that."

"Sounds cute," he said. "So, we have to change the layout in here then?"

"Nah, I mean, we can just not add a kitchen, we obviously don't need one anyway."

"True. Then all we need is to put our bed down, right?"

"Beds," Y/n corrected.

"Well, when they're together it looks like one big bed."

"Who said we're putting out beds together?"

"Buuuuggg..." he whined. "Come on... lemme put my bed next to yours."

She giggled again. What was with all the giggling, sheesh. "No. There's plenty of space, put it somewhere else." She placed her white bed down in the corner and went across the bridge to bring her idea to life, or, to Minecraft.

It only took about ten minutes and she finished when Dream spoke again. "I think I'm done."

"I am too! Let's take one final look around." She went back inside and immediately noticed his bed right next to hers. She stared at his character and he laughed.

"Whaaat?" he asked shyly and she just sighed, letting it happen. They took a look around and agreed that it was basically the best treehouse in the entire universe, both in Minecraft and real life.

"Bug, you're so good at building," Dream complimented as he ran around the house. "What's your favorite part?"

"Ummm...." She looked around before deciding on the bridge. "I like how you made the bridge. And I like the little touches you added to it. It's nice."

"Thanks! I think the 'little cute thing' you did is the best part."

"Shut up, I can't stand you," she scoffed. "But thanks."

"Hey, Bug?" Dream asked, leading her back into the house. He faced the two beds placed together and she prepared herself for the worst joke of all time. "Is this where all the programming talk happens?"

"I knew it! I knew you were gonna say that! Shut up!" She punched Dream as he laughed loudly and she couldn't stop smiling. "You're such a nerd. You're so annoying."

"OH! I have an idea, wait here."

***

It had been a solid eight and a half minutes of Y/n waiting for Dream and he showed no signs of returning. He was silent too, so she resorted to saying random things to get him to crack.

"When will my husband return from war?" she joked, her voice laced with sadness and longing.

There was a small suppressed laugh from his mic, but still no words.

"Sometimes I think I can still hear him laughing at me."

He must have gotten reeeaaalll close to his mic, because his next words, the first ones he had spoken in almost ten minutes, were whispered but she felt like he was in her ear. "I'll be home soon, baby."

Once again, she was so glad her chat couldn't see her because she literally shivered and her face was so warm she felt like she was glowing.

For the first time all stream, her eyes betrayed her and she looked at her chat as she pulled her hoodie collar up to her face.

user18: BUGSY BEIN REEEAL QUIET

user4: i think i just passed out

user11: wHAT ON EARTH DREAM ADKXKH

user7: BUGSY ON GOD BE REAL WITH US WTF IS GOING ON RN

user2: hey bestie i cant do this rn

user9: they can't talk to each other like that and say they're just friends pleASE

Also for the first time all stream, someone dared to donate at her limit (which, again, was ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS).

karakatara donated $100 I had to donate bc I just HAD to tell you how cute you and dream are! honestly my favorite couple ever and I was just wondering how long you've been dating??? love you and your videos!!!!!

It was $100. She had to answer it. Meaning, she had to use words after Dream said that like that and she wasn't sure that was physically possible right now.

"Aren't you going to answer?" Dream taunted.

"Wha—what, are you—you stream watching, you weirdo?" she forced out. "Why?"

"I wanted to read your chat, they're really funny."

"I haven't been reading it."

"What, why? They've been so funny this whole time."

"I've been too scared to."

"Too scared? Of what?"

Of the jokes that she wanted to be real? Of seeing something so cute only to break her heart when she remembers it's all a joke? Of seeing someone hate her for being so close to Dream? Many things.

"Of seeing something... that boosts your ego."

"What? Oh, come on. Hey, answer the dono. Someone gave you their hard earned money for that."

"Yeah, wait, chat, I had the limit that high so you DON'T donate! Why on earth would you—"

"You're avoiding the question."

"We aren't actually dating! Not actually a couple!" she said with a laugh, though something in her heart was very much against laughing at that fact. "Obviously not."

"Well, it's only the first date, so, we'll see I guess, but..."

"I cannot stand you. Thank you so much for the dono, though, Karakatara. You're insane for... yeah. Thank you so much." She turned her attention back to Dream. "Actually though are you ever coming back?"

"Yeah, what, I'm almost there. I see the you staring out the window. ."

When he got inside, he dropped a blue cornflower for Y/n and stepped back. "Okay, now, give that to me."

She followed, not understanding. "For you, Dream." She dropped the flower.

"Aw, Bug! That's so kind! Aw! Thank you! Here's a flower for you, too!" He dropped her a red poppy and then put two item frames on the wall above their beds. He put the blue cornflower above his bed and she followed by putting the red one above hers. "Now that's my favorite part of the house."

"You didn't want to use the real ones? What, did you lose my flower or something?"

"Hell no!" he defended loudly. "No, I just don't want someone to steal that one. It's in my enderchest for safe-keeping."

He said it so casually like it was no big deal, but her heart soared. She too had his flower in her enderchest.

"This," she said dramatically with a sigh, "is now a treehome."

***

"I already told you I'm the best PVP player out there."

"Bug, honey, I've seen you play Bedwars. You're trash."

"Hey!" Hehe, honey. Shut up brain.

"But that's okay! I'm here to teach you."

Y/n's character stood across a makeshift battlefield from Dream's, an axe in hand and armor that was definitely donated by DreamXD on her body. "This is kinda sexist of you. Assuming I know how to name a cute house but not fight."

"Oh no, that's not—crap. Bug, I'm only basing this off of your streams, which I watch all the time—"

Once again, he said something so casual and yet it still made her heart skip three beats and once again, she grabbed the collar of her hoodie and pulled it up to hide her face. This thing had to be stretched by now from how often it was yanked on in this stream alone.

"—and don't get me wrong, you're great! But you're also good at a lot of stuff and—"

"Dream!" she giggled out. "I'm teasing. I admit you're much better than me."

"I wouldn't say much better but... it's the only thing I could possibly teach you anything about because you're just so good at Minecraft." His tone was sarcastic at this point but she knew he was meaning what he said.

"Whatever. Come on, Dream, show me how it's done."

He actually had a lot of very useful tips that Y/n otherwise would have never thought about. I guess when you tryhard Minecraft, she thought, you learn a thing or two about pvp. It was a complete joke, but she still kept it to herself.

"I could basically beat anyone now," she said confidently.

"Yeah, basically. Except maybe Technoblade."

"Nah, even him."

"Let's see how good you really are. To the death."

"What?" She laughed. "You're gonna try to kill me on our date?"

"Yeah, scared?" Seconds later, a creeper exploded near Dream and he screeched, jumping back. Y/n lost it. She laughed loudly, clutching her stomach.

"Dr-Dream!" She laughed. "What the hell was that?"

"It scared me!" he argued. "Here, I'll protect you," he offered, running past her and killing a skeleton that was shooting towards her.

"I don't need protecting, especially from you! Besides, if you're trying to kill me, you'd let the mobs get me."

"No," he decided. "No one's allowed to kill my Bug."

She was literally going to explode. "Wh—"

"Only I get to."

"Dream!" she scoffed, running to kill the skeleton first. She succeeded and he pouted.

"Hey—I did more damage than you, you just had the final hit."

"Really? Cause to me it looks like I'm your knight in shining armor."

"Nuh-uh," he spat.

"Dream. F5 right now, you're covered in arrows."

There was a pause. "Oh whatever." He hit her once and that's all it took for them to start fighting, throwing jokes and taunts at each other the whole time, eventually resulting in a satisfying win for her.

Dream was slain by Bugsy

"WHAT?! HOW?"

<Tubbo> i thogt you were on a date <Ranboo> well definitley not anymore <Ranboo> is that canon <JackManifoldTV> WOMEN

"What was that about you being better than me?" Y/n teased.

"Oh, come ON! I still had damage from the skeleton, and besides, I taught you everything you know!"

"That just makes you a very good teacher, Dream," she said sincerely and he paused, probably expecting her to insult him instead of compliment him.

"Yeah, suck up now that you've murdered me."

***

They were finally at their final stop, three hours into the stream. Not too bad on time, though this was probably the longest Minecraft date in the history of Minecraft dates. Also the best, but maybe Y/n was biased.

There was a huge tree, obviously built instead of naturally generated, with lanterns hanging down and lighting areas of the dark world around them. Under that was a checkered pattern of carpet, a single chest in the center with a potted plant sitting next to it.

"The carpet is supposed to look like a, uh, what's it called... picnic blanket?" Dream explained as they approached the scene, clearly not happy with how it turned out. "It looks weird. Nothing compared to the treehouse you built."

"We built," she corrected. "And this looks awesome, Dream," Y/n complimented. "It's is also my favorite colors."

"Yeah, I had some help from Karl on that one."

She leaned back in her chair in real life and pressed her hands to her face. Oh, it was so unfair how cute he was when he was shy like this. She glanced at chat, which only made her face go from the temperature of molten lava to basically the sun. She was going to explode.

She hummed, a little giggle coming out as well. "That's cute."

She sat (crouched) on the picnic blanket (piece of carpet) while Dream put a disc in the jukebox off to the side.

"Is that a Tommy disc?" she giggled and Dream laughed.

"No, no, no, don't worry. There shouldn't be any continuations of wars interrupting our date."

"Shouldn't be," she emphasized, noticing someone approaching them from the distance.

Dream was about to speak when Quackity reached them and quickly joined the voice channel.

"Oh no," Dream sighed. "We've come so far."

"AYYEEE WHAT'S GOING ON, MAN?!" Quackity yelled in his Mexican Dream voice, his voice bubbling with laughter. "IS THIS A DATE OR SOMETHING, MAN?"

"Quackity, go AWAY!" Dream ordered, punching the character who had stripped to his underwear. "YOU'RE INDECENT! THERE IS A LADY HERE!"

Y/n laughed, enjoying the scene of fancy Dream hitting naked Quackity away from their picnic dinner.

"I'm your waiter, I'm your waiter!" Quackity said in his normal voice, still laughing. "DREAM! WILL YOU STO— QUIT HITTING ME!"

This had turned chaotic very quickly.

"We don't need a waiter," Dream informed him.

"Then I'm the singing gram you ordered." He started singing a song and Dream groaned. "HEY THERE DELILAH WHAT'S IT LIKE IN NEW YORK CITY—"

"No! You're being a clout chaser, go away!"

"I'm honestly impressed we made it this far without anyone coming into the voice channel," Y/n admitted.

"I paid them," Dream joked.

"You did not!" Karl's voice suddenly came through and Y/n laughed. "We were all just being polite and staying away but we're getting bored! We've been so patient!"

"Yeah, hurry up! We wanna play!!!" Sapnap whined. "Dream, it's not fair for you to steal Bugsy from us for so long."

"Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed with a laugh as Dream laughed along.

"Just ten minutes! Ten more minutes!" Dream bargained but none of them would have it. "Just so I can say goodbye!"

"No!" George insisted. "Right now!"

"Look, wait, wait, hold on—"

<Sapnap joined the game> <GeorgeNotFound joined the game> <KarlJacobs joined the game>

"—hold ON!" Dream begged, watching as the three boys ran and joined Quackity by the picnic blanket.

Y/n could not stop laughing at all the avatars around them. The date had been so peaceful and cute but all good things must come to a chaotic end.

"Wait, come on, Karl, Karl, Karl," Dream said quickly. "Come here. Bug, just a sec, please. Stay right there."

"Okay," she agreed, curious to see his plan.

Karl followed him and of course Sapnap couldn't help but also join them.

"Okay," Dream whispered loudly, clearly wanting everyone to hear his offer. He crouched and the other two copied. "Just give me ten minutes—"

"Ten?" Sapnap asked loudly.

"Shhh!!! Yes, ten minutes, to say goodbye and, you know, end the date."

There was a long, thick pause. "What exactly are your intentions with Bugsy Games," Karl asked seriously, matching Dream's whisper.

"Well, I wanna make sure she gets home safe, you know, so I'm gonna drop her off and, I don't know, see if maybe.... maybe she'll give me a hug?"

Karl and Sapnap both gasped dramatically and Y/n giggled, sparing a glance at her chat who were all freaking out.

"What the hell?" Quackity said while laughing. He and George were still standing near Y/n so they were just watching the goons with her.

"Bugsy is not that kind of girl!" Sapnap protested. "You think she's just gonna give you a hug?"

"Sapnap! Do you not know how to whisper???"

George let a loud laugh slip before slapping his hand over his mouth, which his mic picked up.

"Okay, Dream, wait, so you're gonna try to... hug her?" Karl clarified. "She won't even let me hug her. Good luck."

"Well, I'm not going to force her into anything but, I don't know, she said something about holding my hand earlier so I just thought maybe there's a possibility—"

"WHAT?" Karl yelled before going back to the whisper. "Okay, okay, don't panic, but that's huge. Dadnap, a word?"

He and Sapnap broke off from Dream and formed their own huddle, except their whispers were incoherent mumblings that weren't even English.

"Oh my gosh," Y/n groaned loudly, an unmistakable laugh behind her words.

"Okay," Sapnap said, rejoining Dream. "We'll give you five minutes but if you take any longer, we're barging in and killing you."

"Yes, sir!" Dream said. "Thank you, sirs."

"Mhm. Okay, break!"

They all uncrouched in sync before Dream ran back to Y/n.

"How did it go?" she asked as if she didn't hear the entire conversation.

"Bad news," he started. "Your dad's want you home."

"Shame, I was quite enjoying my time."

Dream slowly turned towards the boys as if to glare at them for ending the date before turning back to her. "Then, maybe, I don't know, we could do this again sometime?"

"I.... think I'd like that," she said slowly, trying to tease him.

He giggled and told her he was going to drop her off at her house, even though when the date was over, they were all probably gonna mess around together anyway so there was no point in them leaving the group. But it was the thought that counted.

He ended up taking her back to the treehouse, which warmed her heart. She also noticed when they faced each other at front of the door, she could see the four other boys watching them.

"Goodnight, my sweet Bug," he said poshly.

"Goodnight, Dream." He turned away but she stopped him. "Wait!" She moved to his side and made a loud, MUAH, sound before stepping back in front of him. "A kiss on the cheek," she clarified, not wanting him to think she gave him a real kiss.

"Cute," he said under his breath, almost like he didn't mean to say it out loud. "Night night." He turned away and ran down to the others, screaming the whole way. "GUYS, DID YOU SEE THAT? BUG GAVE ME A KISS ON THE CHEEK!! OMG DID YOU SEE, DID YOU SEE?"

Chat was gonna have a field day with that. Actually, with a lot of things that had happened. Oh, she could see the clips and edits now.... oh boy.

**********

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[janamelie]

Dimension Jump XXI Report

I suppose I’m a DJ veteran now as this was my fifth consecutive one and the fourth at the Nottingham Crowne Plaza which is an expensive four-star hotel.  Sharing with a friend helps keep the cost reasonable and honestly, it’s worth it for the sheer convenience of being right there in the hotel and being able to nip back to your room as required.  (To be clear, you don’t have to stay in the hotel to attend the con.  There are plenty of other hotels nearby.)

Plus there is always the chance that you’ll see a guest at breakfast as I did Danny once.  He picked out a few pieces of fruit and nibbled at them before wandering over late to his photoshoot.  What else would you expect from a cat though?

Friday

Myself and @downonthepharm-red-dwarf (Amy) had arrived the previous day so had plenty of time to be near the front of the queue for registration.  Which meant we saw Hattie Hayridge arrive in a stunning designer coat and with smart luggage.  She really brought her outfit A-game and looked great the whole weekend.

Once we’d presented our respective proofs of full Covid vaccination or a recent negative test, we were given our DJ passes and booklets.  The latter has spaces for signatures from guests, an Order Of Events and various handy tips for the weekend.

The con kicks off at 5pm with an hour of gradual build-up in the Main Hall - they show videos from previous events, specially made titbits with various guests past and present such as Mark Dexter doing a mock guide to DJ and Rebecca Blackstone voicing Pree.  It all helps with the atmosphere, as do the numerous RD posters dotted around the hotel.

Then it was time for the Opening Ceremony featuring various Fan Club team members and an overcrowded stage full of cardboard boxes - the joke was that they’d had too much time on their hands during lockdowns and bought loads of stuff online.  It was obviously also a nod to Lister’s hoarding in “The Promised Land”.  

The sketch featured a specially made shot of the AA adverts’ Starbug model landing outside the Crowne Plaza and an 80s computerised version of the lovely convention logo.  You could tell a lot of loving effort had gone into the whole thing.

Once the guest line-up had been announced (I’ll get to that not-really-a-surprise-guest shortly), we went straight into the RD Pub Quiz, hosted by Hattie.  DOTP and I had been joined at our table by Lapsang and Barbs from our Discord (No Kind Of Atmosphere) plus various other attendees we’d befriended.

Someone in the crowd yelled “I love you, Hattie!” to which she quipped “I’ve pulled already!”  Another bloke shouted “Fuck off, she’s mine!” which led to a few shouts of “Fight!”  When neither seemed keen to do so, Hattie joked: “Only two?  That’s a bit pathetic!” and then we got started.

The quiz is hard, by design, but I’m good at quizzes and my team - No Kind Of Atmosphere after our Discord - came joint third which was gratifying.  (I was on the winning team a few DJs ago, to blow my own trumpet for a moment.  This is my report, after all.)

And then it was time for the first guest Q&A with - surprise, surprise - Johnny Vegas aka the Crit Cop in “Timewave”.  Not a great episode but he more than made up for that with an appearance I can only describe as chaotic.  Warning - DO NOT attempt to heckle him unless you want to be singled out and humiliated in front of the entire audience in a “Can’t look away” fashion which was nonetheless entertaining.  The man in question tweeted about it afterwards and seems to have taken it in good spirit.

Once we’d moved on from encouraging people to leave unpleasant things in room 429, it turned out Johnny’s a big fan of the show and owned it on VHS (so did I).  He thinks of the main characters, Holly would win at “Taskmaster” and had good reasons for that conclusion.  

He was dubious about the pink costume he wore in “Timewave” as he thought it might take away from the character but said he eventually decided he needed to get over what he was wearing and just go for it.  He also said one of his worst working moments was on “Benidorm” when he had to hold his breath underwater in a freezing swimming pool and his co-star kept forgetting her two lines so they had over 30 takes.  Ouch.

Johnny left commenting that he got less love at his 50th birthday party.  But we hadn’t seen the last of him by any means as people kept buying him drinks during the Auction, leading to him successfully bidding for one of the items on offer.

And then he was back for the Karaoke.  Now if you - as he informed us - had to undergo emergency dental surgery in the morning and had practically lost your voice, would you sing karaoke?  And not only that, would you sing a version of “Love On The Rocks” which lasted 11 minutes according to someone on Twitter (I wasn’t timing it, but I can believe it), followed by the full-length version of “American Pie”?

If you answered no, you’re clearly not Johnny Vegas.  He went to bed so late that the unfortunate Fan Club team member assigned to look after him got a grand total of 90 minutes’ sleep.

Saturday

DOTP and I had paid for the Photoshoot with Mr Vegas, Danny John-Jules and Ray Fearon.  We got in the queue at 9am which was when it was supposed to start.  An hour later we were still waiting.  Yep, Danny was late.

Once he made it to the hotel, I got my photo in front of a Science Room backdrop.  You might think Mr Vegas would be hungover and rushing through it, but on the contrary, he was still enjoying the hell out of proceedings which was refreshing to see.  Since he’d been added to the line-up too late to be in the souvenir booklet, he signed extra inserts for the Fan Club which they handed out to everyone at the later Autograph sessions so attendees got his autograph after all even though he’d finally left.  That’s what I call throwing yourself into an event.

Next up was a combined Q&A with Danny and Ray (originally separate but Danny’s lateness meant they were teamed up).  This wasn’t a problem at all though - on the contrary, it worked really well as the chumminess between them added to the vibe.  Also it was Ray’s first convention so he probably preferred to have Danny backing him up, especially since the poor man tripped on his way to the stage and almost fell.  I don’t think he was hurt but I cringed with secondhand embarrassment and empathy.  He wasn’t the only one to fall foul of the edge of the stage that weekend; I think it was the slightly raised dancefloor in front of it.

As is usual for Danny, we were treated to over half an hour of what you can only really describe as a stream of consciousness as he pontificated about various things.  He and Ray did also talk about working together on “Death In Paradise” and Ray described his worst working experience there - he had to play a scene in a club in 45 degree heat with a live snake wrapped around his neck!

Ray is attractive in a “Hollywood hunk” way and Danny was clearly conscious of this, joking that he’d “brought his own security with him” and muttering “I’m better-looking anyway!”  But all in a jokey way as they’re clearly friends.

Danny had come from filming and dropped a heavy hint that he’s appearing in a Dickens adaptation which I imagine will be shown at Christmas as they generally are.  He also complained that Craig Charles never answers his phone: “You send him a message and he answers it on Twitter a month later!”  (Interestingly, Chris Barrie later mentioned a recent phone conversation with Craig so make of that what you will.)

Ray was quieter but happy to talk about the vagaries of showbiz and typecasting - he said that due to his Shakespearean background he gets a lot of serious roles so people were genuinely surprised that he could also do comedy but “I was always funny!”  He also gently teased Danny about the age of some of his references before admitting he still finds Tommy Cooper funny.

Danny usually performs “Tongue-tied” with a good grace when inevitably asked to by an audience member but perhaps it’s finally starting to pall as this time he did it in the style of Oliver Reed’s Bill Sykes and included a lot of X-rated references to cunnilingus etc.  It was entertaining though.

Next up was a live Q&A (over Zoom) with Chris Barrie.  Danny decided to stick around as he wanted to show Chris something he’d ordered online.  It took a while to get the cameras in the right position for Chris to be able to see it and Danny needed a knife to open the parcel, leading Chris to quip “Is this a good time for me to step out for some lunch?”

However, it turned out to be worth it as it was a custom-made Ace Rimmer doll which impressed Chris with its quality and he complimented the maker.

Danny and Ray then departed for their lunch and to take part in the Coffee Lounge which this year had reduced its numbers for Covid-related reasons and held a ballot for entry in the interests of fairness.  Amy and I didn’t get in but happily stayed for the rest of Chris’s Q&A.

In the “working from home” spirit, Chris was in a hoodie in his living room as opposed to his more usual smart suit.  He was suitably relaxed and revealed he got through lockdown by concentrating on the things which make him happy, such as his hobbies, his garden and his family.  His favourite episodes are “Marooned”, “Dimension Jump” and - less predictably - “Twentica”.  He also referred to a recent “mannerly, as he would call it” phone conversation with Craig.  No details but it had clearly been a positive experience.

Amy decided to liven up the ending of his Q&A by asking a vitally important, “TPL”-related question.  Whom would Rimmer find more attractive, a female version of Lister or a female version of Cat?

Once the laughter had died down and Chris had bought some time by pointing out that “neither of them are women”, he gave the question appropriate consideration.  He pondered whether Rimmer would be more taken by the “simple charms” of Lister or the “feline grace” of Cat.  This next bit is courtesy of Amy as my memory isn’t infallible: He said it’d be a choice between a feline form or a rounder, a bit more slovenly woman - he wouldn’t want the perfectly feline woman because she might not like his imperfections, but he also wouldn’t want someone who ate curry three times a day.  “Basically, a balance would be ideal.”

That was the last question but Chris provided a little more entertainment as he had a “How do you turn this off then?” moment a la Gordon the computer in “Better Than Life” and made amusing faces as he figured it out.  If it was anyone but Chris I’d think it was a deliberate reference to that but I think he was genuinely befuddled.

We then broke for lunch, followed by Autographs with Hattie, Danny, Ray and Norman Lovett.  I got the latter three to sign the “TPL” poster I’d brought with me but gave Hattie the booklet instead as it seemed more tactful.  She complimented the dress I was wearing and I returned the compliment, telling her how much the fans appreciate the effort she makes with her DJ outfits.

Norman commented how there’s a version of the “TPL” poster he isn’t on, bemusedly.  Fortunately mine was the version including him. 

I spent the rest of the afternoon chilling in the bar with Amy, Lapsang and Barbs, chatting to other attendees.  Graphic Designer Matthew Clark was now in the Merchandise Room with various props from Series XII and “TPL” including the Starbug manual used onscreen.  I got his autograph on my poster but it’s an incomprehensible squiggle.  Oh well.  He was very friendly and easy to talk to.

After a break for dinner, the Main Hall reopened for the Costume Competition.  This seems to get better every DJ, with an amazing “Greyscale Rimmer” who was discomfiting to be around due to the corpse-like makeup, a Natalina Pushkin, a Nirvanah Crane who could almost have been Jane Horrocks herself and a Diving Suit Cat from “BTE”.  Other entries included Rimmer’s Mum, “Giraffes who were armed and dangerous” and a Confidence And Paranoia who were later pictured at the bar chatting to Paranoia himself, Lee Cornes.

We then had a special video message from Doug Naylor which I won’t go into as I’m sure everyone’s already heard the details.  Suffice to say, his tone was positive.

The second Auction was hosted by Ian Boldsworth who made it more entertaining by adding his own commentary to each item.  This was followed by a stand-up set from Norman.  It was amusing but he misjudged the mood a bit, I feel.  When you’re waiting for a disco to start and it’s already hours late due to Danny’s tardiness, you don’t particularly want to contemplate your own mortality.  We were here to get away from all that, as much as possible.

Anyway, the Disco was a lot of fun even if Dave Benson Phillips’ presence as host was sorely missed.  Hattie danced for the best part of an hour alongside everyone else.  The stand-in DJs did their job and I stayed until the end.  The final two songs were “Bohemian Rhapsody” and … “Tongue-tied”.

Sunday

Not being in the Sunday Photoshoot, Amy and I had a nice leisurely breakfast and got over last night’s festivities before the first Q&A, live over Zoom with Robert Llewellyn.

This was hosted by Ian Boldsworth who in his capacity as Dave era audience warm-up knows Robert well.  Clearly well enough to get away with teasing him relentlessly about not being at the con in person until poor Robert was a mess of Krytenesque guilt.  

His protestations that he’d been scheduled to be in Munich this weekend but no longer was (he was at home) only made things worse.  Ian: “Oh, so that’s two sets of people you’ve disappointed now!  Stop saying yes to things!”  It was hilarious and Robert took it in its intended spirit.  Also Ian was getting a measure of revenge for Robert - in character as Kryten - dry humping him at recordings.  One attendee asked “With the groinal attachment?!”

Robert admitted that he finds Kryten’s various groinal attachments hilarious and if he was writing the show they’d be in every episode.  He praised Doug’s restraint.

He also admitted that in “TPL” he had an earpiece to have his lines fed to him.  Since it’s controlled by an iPad, certain unscrupulous cast members took great delight in feeding him rude ones.

He still intends to update “The Man In The Rubber Mask” but atm “Fully Charged” is consuming a lot of his time as it’s become much more successful than he anticipated and he’s in charge of several people.

Surprisingly, he would hate appearing in RD without the Kryten makeup, both because it’s become much quicker to apply and because it provides him with a shield and he becomes Kryten and forgets stagefright.  He still can’t watch “DNA” for that reason.

Lapsang, who played Kryten in “Into The Gloop”, asked Robert if he’d seen it.  He hadn’t but said he was now very curious and would find a way to.

Next up was Lee Cornes aka Paranoia who said he originally auditioned for the lead roles and like the other unsuccessful actors got the consolation prize of a guest appearance.  Upon being asked if he’d gone out for a drink with Craig Ferguson’s Confidence, he said no because at the time they had a frosty relationship due to rumours that Craig was plagiarising other comics’ jokes.  Lee said it was all very silly and he’s since apologised.

Interestingly, Lee is a qualified science teacher and carried on with that career alongside his media one, leading to surreal situations where his pupils would ask: “Sir?  Were you on the telly last night?”  “Yes.”  “Are we on the telly now, sir?”

Someone asked a good question - what would Lister’s Paranoia be like now 33 years later?  Lee would be willing to reprise the role but isn’t sure it would work as the original had a childish quality whereas he feels now the character would be a lot darker and less funny.  Lee was both thoughtful and entertaining in his responses.

He was followed onstage by Hattie and Norman, who resolutely refused to rise to the bait of an audience member attempting to stir up a rivalry between them.  That only works when one isn’t the nicest person you could meet.

A tactless audience member asked both if they’d watched “TPL” instead of directing the question at Norman.  Luckily Hattie had seen it and particularly enjoyed the cat flap joke although she felt there was a little too much focus on the guest cast.

Norman didn’t really watch RD after he left but Hattie has seen Norman’s early episodes as he lent them to her back when she was originally cast as Hilly for research purposes.  Bear in mind this was 1988 when they weren’t even available on VHS so presumably he recorded them off the TV.  

Hattie confirmed with a sigh that she’s simply never been asked to return in any capacity: “That’s the short answer.”  What the hell, I’ll say it one more time - Bring Back Hattie!  One episode, that’s all I ask.  As it stands, it’s starting to look like a pointed and deliberate snub which mystifies me.

We then broke for lunch, followed by Rob Grant and Paul Jackson.  For obvious reasons they didn’t go into the current legal mess, opting instead to entertain the fans with the story of how they met and their early pre-RD work (Rob and Doug as freelance writers for Paul’s producer).

We saw some clips from their early shows including “Three Of A Kind” with Lenny Henry, Tracy Ullman and … later magician David Copperfield; apparently they all had the same agent and Paul took on David as a favour.  For a 40 year old show it held up pretty well and was in much better sound and picture quality than older shows often are. “Carrott’s Lib” was just as funny.

It’s a bit hard to summarise but this session was entertaining and gripping.  Rob still wants to write another RD novel and I believe there’s nothing actually stopping him as both he and Doug had an option to write a second solo novel.  So we’ll see.

The final Q&A was Matthew Clark who was very informative and interesting, showing us numerous production stills from Series XII and “TPL” and talking us through them.  There was a groan when time was called before he was finished.

By now time was running short and Amy and I went back to the room to pack and leave our luggage with reception before watching the start of “Dibbley Family Fortunes”. Since I knew I wouldn’t have time to watch it all, I instead nipped upstairs to Autographs with Lee and Ian, timing it perfectly as the queue had almost vanished.

Ian was still performing, drawing scornful attention to the fact that Lee had a longer queue: “Can you imagine all these people queueing to see Lee Cornes?!”  It sounds rude out of context but he was clearly joking.

I decided to ask Lee what flavour the yogurt Paranoia eats was.  He said it didn’t really taste of anything as it was the cheapest, nastiest canteen yogurt available and was also starting to curdle under the studio lights so eating it can’t have been much fun.

Since I now had about 15 minutes before I had to go, I caught a bit of Dibbley Family Fortunes, said goodbye to Amy, Lapsang and Barbs and then dashed off to catch the tram to the train station.  Another great DJ.

[atalana]

[copied over from my cr blog, also this is gonna get long, i’d apologise but im not sorry]

okay, so

this is a rant probably about 7 years in the making, bc when i first watched lok i had not done any music study, i had not done any composing of my own, my knowledge of music theory was at a primary school level and i still thought tv soundtracks were just made by one person composing a whole cache of music and then the audio editors pick and choose what track to place where

(spoiler alert that’s not how film and tv scoring works, i have now done a music composition course where we had to score a short film, among other things, and i have so much more respect for tv composers jesus christ)

but this one stuck out to me even way back then, bc me barely knowing what a leitmotif was was like “hey this one little refrain keeps popping up whenever bolin does lavabending, and i like it, i’m gonna see if it’s on the soundtrack”

it was not, and that’s sort of where i left it back in 2014, but i actually did a rewatch of lok pretty recently out of nostalgia, and then noticed it even more

and to explain why (and this is also a little bit why five’s stuck out to me in tua, i’ll get to that in another ask), let’s cover, leitmotifs, and tv scoring in general

so a leitmotif is basically just a short musical idea that represents something in a piece of music. when i studied motivic development we were encouraged to make that motif four notes or less, and then develop it into something longer (aka a theme), because if you can constantly come back to a really short idea while keeping the piece moving, that’s what makes a piece of music memorable

(you can ignore those rules on purpose but that’s a different essay)

so the most common way that a leitmotif shows up in soundtracks is to represent a character or a location - you play the motif when that character shows up or when you’re in that location and boom, the audience associates that motif with that person place or thing, and you can then use this to tell the audience things without actually telling them. for example, star wars playing the imperial march whenever someone does something darth vader related - darth vader isn’t on screen, but you can feel his presence, because his music is playing

and if we were a film score, where we have two hours to show one particular character’s development, great! we give them a simple motif, and then as they grow as a person we change their motif to reflect what is happening to them, until we end up with something that communicates on a subconscious level how much they’ve grown. we toss in as much symbolism as we can, and we have a really great soundtrack that’s instantly memorable

tv scoring, is harder. partially because of time constraints (have you ever composed half an hour of original music a week, and had to make sure it fits perfectly with every beat of what’s happening on screen? these guys have), partially because there’s a much larger focus on ensemble casts

so what atla and lok do, for the most part, is not score individual character motifs for everyone. this is fairly common in tv soundtracks, instead we score ideas, concepts, and feelings - these’ll come up a lot more and give you more information than just “oh hey this character’s on screen”

the avatar state, for example, has the strongest and most recognisable theme across both shows. i’m linking an atla track in here because it has the best example but you’ll know this shows up with korra too - and with particularly important moments for wan, for kyoshi, etc. they also appear in the opening of both shows, four strong notes that start and end on the same note (in the case of what i’m linking, it’s an F#)

the first part of this track is the more uncertain, pensive theme that comes up when both avatars are feeling doubt/worry/sadness, but then it transitions into the more recognisable four. worth noting though, those are both basically the same motif. if i write them out back to back, you’ll notice they both have four notes and start and end on F#. if i had to guess, four notes four elements, and it comes back to the start because the avatar is a cycle.

korra has a theme for when she’s fighting, but not an individual character theme. the airbenders as a concept have a theme, republic city has thematic instruments, as do some big name characters, like iroh and his tsungi horn (this is also a cross-series thing, he’s always playing it in atla, it shows up when zuko has to make big moral decisions, and when we first meet iroh in the spirit world in lok, it shows up there too, to let the audience know who this is before we properly see him)

so, if korra doesn’t get a single theme and instead has several for different aspects of her life, and mako and asami follow along with the mood of the story like all the other characters, the fact that bolin has a personal leitmotif at all, let alone a solid, developing one, is pretty remarkable!

now, granted, it mostly starts with book 3, before then he was like every other character, but it has clear symbolism through those last two books! and, initially i thought it was related only to his lavabending, since that’s most of when it shows up, but since my rewatch, i’ve started calling it his hero theme

see, when people wanna criticise mako and bolin, usually the comments they get are that bolin’s too immature and mako’s too serious/uptight. but like, that’s how they work, you can’t analyse either of them without the context of the other. since they were little kids on the streets, bolin chases his heart and mako makes sure they don’t die from it, that is their entire childhood. and neither would have got here on their own because mako wouldn’t take the necessary risks and bolin wouldn’t take the necessary precautions. (like. remove either one from the equation and they’d still be working for the triple threats bc s1 and their flashback miniseries make pretty clear that bolin got them out and mako kept them out)

and then book 2 proves it! because it splits team avatar up, and what happens? bolin is totally taken advantage of by varrick and used as a pawn in his evil plan and mako ends up in jail

so what’s book 3, to them? it’s, being able to find themselves without having that codependency. mako no longer has someone to protect, which is what he’s based his whole life around so far - bolin’s doing fine and he’s no longer dating either korra or asami. and bolin’s trying his hand at some of that responsibility (look at how he immediately adopts kai who is explicitly them but younger because he wants to be the older brother for once). most importantly, they find the rest of their family, and stop being defined by being orphans. they don’t have to be that singular piece of a puzzle, they can just be themselves. and that’s where bolin’s character really starts to shine, because that’s when they bring in the bending plot, and bending, perhaps more than any other character, really gets to the heart of who bolin is

if you want more of my thoughts on that i have an essay here, but tl;dr: bolin’s an extremely powerful earthbender, but he’s not a metalbender because metalbending requires you to double down on the earth characteristics and think like an earthbender, and bolin doesn’t, he’s too fluid for that, which is one of his major strengths, so of course he can lavabend

and finally - to his motif itself! (as a note, i’ve put all of these in the same key to show where it repeats, but there’s a variety of keys used in the show)

as far as i can find, it first shows up in s3e8, when bolin stuns p’li with this well placed shot

[Edit: it first showed up in the s2 finale, but again in a simplified version and again with him doing something heroic with earthbending, so we can still start the analysis here]

mako volunteers bolin for that job, because he knew bolin was capable of it. why? because bolin landed an identical shot earlier in the episode, after trying to metalbend, getting frustrated he can’t, and cheating with some extremely well aimed earthbending. it’s just a short refrain and you barely notice it, but it’s the first connection of this motif with the theme of bolin’s bending

it looks like this, and it’s always played on a trumpet, which is part of why i call it the hero theme, because, if you’re looking at music from a western perspective, trumpets were used to herald kings, and then used to represent military glory, and then when superhero themes started happening, they used trumpets too - it’s basically western music shorthand for hero these days

(it’s also symmetrical so that helps with the good vibes)

and he’s saving everyone here, so it’s linked to his bending, but it’s also linked to his heroism

it ties the two together, and they are tied together.

when’s the next time it shows up? episode 10, when the brothers are in prison in ba sing se, and bolin tries to metalbend them out. again, he’s doing this to save people, and this motif gets a few notes added on to the end in a raising pattern - they’re inspiring, but they don’t go anywhere. which is exactly what happens in the scene, because he’s trying to go about this in the wrong way. mako believes in him, but it won’t (and doesn’t) work

it appears in episode 12 when bolin saves everyone from ghazan destroying the temple, in a more fancy orchestral remake of the first version - it’s impressive, but it hasn’t actually developed yet, it’s just his discovery of it

the book 3 finale already has its own fucking amazing soundtrack, i love that entire episode’s score, but it gets its own moment there too, and the first real development!

because what we hear is not what we’ve heard before. we know it’s the same theme, because it’s using those signature trumpets, but it’s the second part of this phrase, the answer to the question supplied by the first one. why? because bolin’s figured out who he is and he’s starting to use it. it still hasn’t settled yet though, it’s early days and he’s still just turning ghazan’s lava back on him, so again, it raises, leaving it on a question mark

it doesn’t appear in s4e7 when he lavabends as a warning against the escaped prisoners, because he’s using it as a threat, not to help people. but it does later in the episode when he uses lavabending to save them from kuvira. and that’s when we get the first full phrase, question and answer

it keeps the first motif identical, takes out the first note of the second, and ties them together - except now it’s not open ended, now it knows where it’s going - it’s been three years, at this point bolin is confident in both himself and his bending

and then that phrase appears all over the place in the finale, because all bolin does is save people - everyone from the exploding building, he slows the giant mecha with lavabending, he saves opal, he slows the giant mecha again by collapsing a building on it, and most importantly, he’s the one rescuing his brother this time, instead of the other way around (though that one doesn’t get a motif appearance bc admittedly a fuck ton of other things are happening in the soundtrack at the time)

so to that question asked in book three - who is bolin when not next to someone else? well, funnily enough, we saw it in book two as well, just in a warped way, playing nuktuk. it just wasn’t truly him because it was created by varrick, and he needed to get away from varrick too. the question put forward by the narrative is who is bolin, and the answer given by the music is, he is a hero. and i don’t know why bolin is the only one to get a theme like this, but i think it may have something to do with the fact that, while everyone in team avatar has been a hero and saved people, he is the only one who has, from the start, solely been motivated by wanting to help people. he follows his heart, and his heart cares, about everyone. it’s been the driving force behind almost everything he’s ever done. and i love him so much

[hatchetfieldtheories]

Return to Hatchetfield-Town – The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals Part 1

Alright settle down kiddos. Get comfy, find a warm blanket and hug your favourite fwendy-wend as we start our Return to Hatchetfield-Town series.

I’ll be rewatching all the Hatchetfield scripted content (i.e. not livestreams or interviews) and jotting down what happens, explaining some concepts and delving into some of the key theories in the series (and using the word “implications” that often it will cease to have meaning).

Even though I’ll be doing the rewatch by show in order they came out, there will be spoilers for all Hatchetfield content that is available as of the rewatch.  

I’ve also linked to a number of other blog’s theories here because they are amazing, but if you aren’t happy with your theory being included I will be more than happy to remove it!  Just let me know.

[Part 2]

The Guy Who Really Hated Brigadoon

TGWDLM starts off with the greatest song ever to feature dancing zombies… at least I can’t think of any other notable ones.

In the title song, the cast of singing and dancing zombies explain to us that all great stories have to have a hero, someone who knows right and wrong and that the best way to do this is through singing and dancing in musicals.  This with the later line of “they evoke the philosophical” make me think that Pokey took a class in Campbell’s Hero Myth in College and became that guy.

Hatchetfield Challenge: try not to shrug your shoulders along with the music at the chorus. Its impossible. No wonder the Hive spread so quickly.  Literally killer dance moves.

So then they introduce us to an awful Grinch named Paul and we hit the first point in the show where I laugh out loud every single time I watch.

I know TGWDLM was not originally intended to be the first Hatchetfield show but starting this series with a song which sets up the story so well is truly spectacular.   And is there anything more Starkid than introducing your main character by having other characters sing about how awful they are?

One thing I have noticed while writing, reading and collating Hatchetfield theories is that while most Black Friday and Nightmare Time theories are usually about the overall Hatchetfield lore, most TGWDLM theories are usually quite self-contained and focused on this one show.  TGWDLM – while so fully within the Hatchetfield extended universe, is definitely the show that can best stand-alone without the others.

It’s the end of the world, Paul

If you don’t sing

This is the bridge, Paul

Where we globalize everything

And the words will come to you

We swear we will teach you

What it means to love

What it means to obey, Paul!

On a first watch this is very funny.  On your 10th watch this is terrifying.

CCRP Technical: No-one here knows how to use their printer

Following the absolute bop of a title song we find ourselves in CCRP Technical and all feels very… normal. It’s very weird following all the revelations in subsequent Hatchetfield media, to be watching a show where there was genuinely nothing obviously fishy about CCRP.  We’ll obviously discuss CCRP more when we get to Nightmare Time, but for now all we know is that Paul works in the technical department of CCRP – an unknown corporation, with some key characters, Charlotte, Bill and Ted.

We also find out more about Grinch Paul’s personality and honestly, Paul is me pre-pandemic just outright avoiding social interactions and suddenly going for coffee in the middle of the work day. (I have become a changed woman in lockdown – someone please invite me somewhere… anywhere!)

For all the dark humour and death in the Hatchetfield series, Starkid do know how to bring the joy – I love how excited the town of Hatchetfield are for a touring production of Mamma Mia.  

Fake Fact: TGWDLM is actually an allegory for Europe in the 1970s, when we all became mind-controlled by Abba’s Waterloo.  (Find me a better explanation for Eurovision, I dare you!  The sequins were just too shiny!)

“The idea of sitting there�� trapped in a musical.  That is my own personal hell.”

Two words: Emma Perkins – need I explain any more?  

Ah Hot Chocolate Boy.  I really look forward to finding out more about him.  Where does he come from?  He just appears out of the ether. What’s his story?  How old is he? How many hot chocolates does he have per day? I know we have since had some confirmation on who he is, but they raise more questions than answers. For now I will just point you to a gorgeous Mood Board by @hatchetfieldmoodboards which features a bit of a spoiler. 

For real though – is it just me who would love a full version of “I’ve been brewing up your coffee”?

Hatchetfield Challenge: Try not to sing “Shut the f*ck up” along with Emma.

“Watching people sing and dance makes me very uncomfortable”- oh boy Paul… you’re not going to enjoy the next hour and 40 minutes.  Also, Paul, you’re making me uncomfortable watching you throw your brand new coffee around as if you’ve just been given an empty cup.  There’s imaginary coffee everywhere.  Hopefully, HCB won’t slip on it before it’s cleaned up… he’s already having a bad day.

“Thunder and Lightning… very very frightening.  But a big rock hurtling through the clouds is no biggie.” – all the residents of Hatchetfield apparently.

The next sequence happens so fast and we get introduced to a lot of characters.  Notably Greenpeace Girl, Alice and Deb, Sam, and Hidgens (though we don’t find out his name until much later). This scene impresses me because they do such a great job of very quickly bringing out so many characters who nonetheless are memorable when they return later in the show.

Peanuts the Hatchetfield Pocket Squirrel is an Eldritch Being. I won’t go into Peanuts theories here as that could be a whole post in itself – and many a person more brilliant than I have written some fantastic theories on this. You can learn all about how a Squirrel took over the fandom in the following posts:

@dahlialupine : x

@frombothofmyhearts​: x

@abiimaryy​: x

And finally mine which is definitely a serious theory: x

It’s… A… Musical!

Now to remember we are actually watching a musical.  La Dee Da Da Day is such a happy joyful song performed spectacularly by a throng of the undead.

The song is about the Hive singing about how much of a great time they are having now they are tap-dancing zombies, and trying to find ways to convince Paul he should join them too. So the grins on all their faces are not at all terrifying.

 It’s worth noting also that according to the laws of the TGWDLM world, only those infected by the Hive can hear the music in the background.  This becomes important later when it becomes clear some characters have started being infected before they are fully turned into zombies, but for now it just paints quite a funny picture of what Paul must be witnessing. I definitely think for him, this whole scene just sounds like this clip of Greased Lightning without the music: x

The important thing here however, besides Mariah’s singing, is that the Hive leave Paul alone.  They don’t actually attempt to turn him at this point.  I have a theory on the implications of this, but note this has big spoilers for the end of the show and Black Friday.  It was written before we knew that the Hive (Pokey) was related to Wiggly but the content still stands: x

Charlotte, Honey, you don’t need that much sugar – you’re sweet enough

For reference:

@melchron​  noted that the lyrics for La Dee Dah sound very similar to the incantation for soul transferal read out in Jane’s a Car, which leads me to two possible implications.

The Freaky Furbies have a language other than English that they use for their incantations so this is why they sound similar.

There is soul transference happening to the souls of the bodies the Hive take over.

Or it’s just Starkid using similar sounding words for their content…. Three! There are three possible implications…

Paul – just print off another copy of the report

From this point on the musical numbers really do come thick and fast.  We move on to the first instance of Jeff Blim encouraging Paul to talk about his feelings, which I am sure is not important and isn’t worth discussing.  Paul goes through a musical rendition of a promotion interview, which is actually the Hive attempting to find out if he will be the “hero” of their story.  They picked out Paul for the role from the start. That he was chosen was inevitable.

What do you see for this company? I'm looking for someone with strong ambition Someone to sell their specific vision Someone to share with precise precision their thoughts 'Cause I want you to want…To want

So it turns out these will be looooong, so I will end here and see you in part 2!  I’m not sure yet what the upload frequency will be.  It takes quite a while to go through the show like this but it is a lot of fun!

Hatchetfield High Homework:

Where do you stand on the Peanuts the Hatchetfield Pocket Squirrel debate?

Why do you think that the Soul Transference Spell and La Dee Dah sound so similar?

Go follow all the lovely people mentioned in this post!

Bonus points if you know the reference in the post title.

[Part 2]

[scripttorture]

Not sure if this would really be relevant, but you're the best resource I can think of for prison systems. In a secluded supermax prison with all male staff & all male prisoners, they suddenly get a single (like 19 or 20 y/o) female prisoner who "can't go anywhere else & needs to be kept heavily restrained." What's the warden's best option for making sure she's safe & treated with respect for the first few days/weeks till they can get female guards? Modern setting, mostly American style prison.

I feel like I know enough about this to be helpful but I’ve never claimed to be an expert on prisons and I think you should try to double check what I say. Partly because I think that the ‘best option’ in a case like this would be heavily biased by opinion and what you consider the best outcome to be. I don’t want you to mistake my opinion for fact or discount the idea that you might think differently presented with the same evidence.

 I also think this is the kind of case where there’s a big difference between what should happen and what would likely happen.

 It’s also worth stating at the outset that, in my opinion, the American prison system is set up in a way which inherently makes abuse more likely. And that makes a difference. When the system itself is already set up in a way which makes torture more likely the efforts of individuals within those systems are… less likely to be effective.

 We’re talking about a system where solitary confinement is the first rather then the last resort. Use of solitary confinement over the safe period (1 week) is routine, with prisoners in maximum security facilities often being kept in isolation for months or years.

 Which causes mental health problems to a disabling degree and drastically increases the chances of suicide or self mutilation.

 Rape is still common and while it’s often discussed in terms of attacks by fellow prisoners, a lot of attacks are by guards. Especially when you’re talking about women prisoners and juvenile prisoners. Incidentally it was only in 2012 that the US started recommending against cross-gender searches of women prisoners.

 And a lot of guards in American women’s prisons are men. I found figures of 40% based on data from 2007 and up to 70% for federal facilities from 2011. Both of these were cited figures from books I don’t have full access to. I can’t confidently say how accurate these figures are or how the authors came by them. I can confidently say that there are male guards in female prisons and that this has been linked to abuse (based on the testimony of rape survivors in American prisons).

 While we’re on the subject the kind of restraint use I think you’re referring to is torture. You can find descriptions of its use in Chinese prisons over here.

 Essentially humans are not designed to withstand long periods with little to no movement, or holding the same position for a long time. It is unhealthy. It causes a significant amount of damage to the body. Sometimes it’s lethal.

 Now if you didn’t know this that is OK.

 I’m here because I know a lot of this kind of information isn’t common knowledge and that it’s hard to find. There’s nothing wrong with not knowing something, we all learn sometime.

 We’ll circle back to restraint tortures and alternatives in a moment. For now let’s focus on prisons

 I think that the most likely thing to happen in an American prison is that this character would be thrown in solitary confinement and kept there.

 You can read about how harmful that would be here.

 I also think that it’s unlikely an American prison, having decided to house a woman in a male prison, would hire female guards specifically to accommodate one prisoner. And I think a woman in this environment would be especially vulnerable to physical and sexual abuse.

 You can read about that here.

 There’s an in-depth Reuters investigation on the deaths of women in American jails that you can find here. It contains a graphic description of a dead baby, born in a jail, as well as descriptions of systemic racism towards black women and abuse of the mentally ill. (Seriously if you’re a black woman and pregnant or a mother of a young child don’t read it.)

 If you want to write a female character being put into an institution designed for men in America… that’s what it looks like. Higher rates of preventable deaths.

 Here’s the thing though: You do not have to make the situations in your story as bad as they are in real life.

 There is nothing wrong with deciding that the characters in your fiction get treated with more care and respect then is the norm in real life. It might not be realistic but we are writing fiction.

 And there is a difference between a story which is unrealistic in favour of the torturer and one which is unrealistic in favour of the victim.

 Having said that: If you want to create a fictional, less abusive prison system for this story it will not look anything like an American prison.

 I have… some rather complicated feelings about the idea of setting the story in America and then presenting the prison system as better then it is. Remember that I am a pacifist and I was raised in Saudi Arabia. I say this because I feel as though the abuses in the American prison system are whitewashed in the media America exports.

 If I was writing a story set in Saudi which involved imagining a better, less abusive prison system I’d feel confident my readers would know this didn’t reflect the reality. I feel like they would understand without being told that I was trying to imagine a better version of my home rather then trying to accurately show the prisons there.

 I do not think that would be the case if you did the same thing in an American setting.

 I’ve talked enough about the negatives. Let’s move on to how we can make this idea work.

 The way I see it the big choice here is whether you want to keep the setting and the abusive use of restraints or whether you want the character to be safe and treated with respect while incarcerated.

 If you’re picturing the character being held in a way that renders her more or less completely immobile (like a restraint chair or a bed) then there’s a pretty decent chance she’d die within the first couple of weeks regardless of any other abuse. There’s a reason restraints aren’t commonly used in hospitals and mental health facilities any more: they increase the chances of sudden death. Even in young healthy people.

 There’s a case you can read about here that’s a decent example. Young, 27 year old man, partially restrained for ten days after a mental health episode. Dead from a heart attack in ten days.

 Obviously not everyone who is completely restrained for weeks dies of a heart attack. But bed sores exist. So do bladder infections caused by catheters and muscle wastage and a host of other ailments that are cured by simply letting someone move around.

 Honestly combined with solitary and the high chance of sexual abuse I think that full body restraint is probably throwing too many tortures into the story. Because all of these individually are complex issues and the harm each of them does is routinely downplayed. Handling all of them in the same narrative would be really tough and the restraints are the easiest one to get rid of.

 If you’re picturing something more like the restraint torture (constantly wearing hand and leg cuffs) described in the Chinese case I linked to above, survival is a lot more likely. That’s to do with the degree of movement victims are capable of.

 A person who is immobile with their muscles under strain is in a stress position. The death rates for those rise sharply after 48 hours. A person who is immobile when their muscles aren’t under strain (eg restrained to a bed with six point restraints) is not in a stress position. But they’re at greater risk of a heart attack or stroke and after weeks they’ll start to develop bed sores (assuming they’re not lying in a pool of their own waste.)

 A person who’s restrained in a way that lets them walk, but slowly, lets them stand, but not straight, is experiencing a restraint torture. They probably won’t get kidney failure (the cause of death in stress positions) and they’re less likely to get a heart attack or a stroke.

 There are still serious health effects. Muscle wastage and weakness afterwards is very common. Survivors of this particular torture tend to report chronic pain and joint problems. I’m not entirely sure what causes this but since it’s very consistent I’d guess it’s a physical effect of long term restraint use.

 Survivors also tend to report some mobility problems afterwards. There’s a loss of fine motor control and often some difficulty performing day to day tasks that require raising and lowering the arms. Like putting on a jacket unaided or hanging washing on a line or taking things down from a cupboard above the head. This could be due to nerve damage, damage to muscles or ligaments at the joints or both.

 These sorts of restraints don’t leave victims in a stress position; which is why they can survive for months or more rarely years while restrained (stress positions are only consistently survivable up to 48 hours.) But nonetheless they do leave victims in a constant state of pain. The restraints dig in. The position and inability to straighten is painful, especially for the joints. A lot of victims report being unable to sleep because of the restraints.

 And sleep deprivation causes it’s own problems which you can read about here.

 I might be on the wrong track here but generally no one has to be restrained. So the inclusion of that in the ask made me think this story might have elements of fantasy, sci fi or super hero genres: a character with a special ability that can only be used under certain circumstances.

 I had a problem with something like that in one of my stories recently. The character in question can manipulate how people think and feel using her voice. And I racked my brains trying to think of a way the police in the story could keep her imprisoned once they caught her. I looked up all sorts of sedatives, thought about solitary and all kinds of over the top abusive stuff that fiction teaches us is a go-to practical solution.

 I didn’t want to use them. I didn’t want her to be tortured.

 And then it hit me: her guards could just wear noise cancelling headphones.

 Sometimes the answer really is that simple.

 Think about this character’s power set, if that’s part of the problem here. Really consider what she can do and how she does it. Have you got an underlying chemical process going on? If it’s magic what’s the cause and effect for it? What are her limits? What is her range?

 Use that to think about when the power breaks down and why. And if you’re writing fanfiction based on a canon with poorly defined magical abilities…. Make something up to define how she does what she does.

 Focus and concentration is a commonly used way of doing this. I saw a brilliant program a while back where the main character actually had no idea how his powers worked and was as surprised and elated as everyone else when they did. I try to come up with strict, simple definitions of a character’s powers/abilities. Then I work to try and find inventive ways of applying that. Find a method that works for you and don’t be afraid to try a few different approaches.

 Unless you’ve written yourself into a corner, chances are this character (like mine) doesn’t need to be restrained or isolated.

 And if you have written yourself into a corner, you can write yourself out of it again. Either with the choices you make now or by going back and editing what you already have.

 On a similar note if you want this character to be in a better, less abusive system does she have to be in a male prison and does she really, absolutely have to be in America?

 Because if you want the lowest possible rates of violence and abuse today that means the Scandinavian prison system. You can find out more about it here and here for Norway.

 You can read more about global prison systems here.

 The gist of it is that there are huge systematic differences. Prison guards in Norway are trained for 2-3 years on specially designed course and the ratio of staff to prisoners is almost 1:1. (For contrast in the UK, which is closer to the US system training takes 12 weeks and the ratio is 1:4.) Prison guards in Norway are well paid, facilities are well staffed and guards are allowed generous breaks and holidays.

 This creates a system where staff are not overly stressed, sleep deprived or pressured to achieve unreasonable ‘results’. Training focuses on conflict resolution, this along with a less pressurised working environment this creates a better overall environment for staff and prisoners. Force is really considered a last resort and staff are provided with the tools, training and support necessary to make that a reality.

 There’s also effort put into the physical construction of these facilities: cells aren’t cramped, overcrowded or unsuitable for human habitation.

 I’m not trying to claim these prisons are perfect. There is still a big trend of prolonged solitary confinement use in Norway and other Scandinavian countries. There is still abuse in prisons.

 But- Well I can’t compare directly with US prisons because I didn’t find statistics using similar measures for violent attacks. However I can compare with the UK. With a prison population of about 3,200 Norway had 181 attacks on staff. The UK, with a prison population of 83,300, had a little over 10,000 attacks.

 I think if you really want to write something with the least potential for abuse then you’re better off imagining an international (or explicitly Scandinavian) institution built more along the lines of the Norwegian system.

 If you’ve got your heart set on an American, male prison being the only place this character can be then I think the ‘best’ thing a well intentioned warden in that position could do is throw her in solitary and have her kept on suicide watch.

 The safe period for solitary confinement is about a week.

 After that she’d start to show signs of mental health problems which would get worse the longer she was held. By about the 1-2 month point these problems are probably going to be permanent. Beyond that the chances of self harm and suicide attempts starts to rise. So does the chance she’ll have a psychotic break and start hallucinating. After a year you’re looking at multiple suicide attempts and chances of self mutilation. By which I mean things like trying to destroy your own hands, legs, face etc.

 The decision about what’s right for your story is always yours. You know these characters, the setting and the kind of narrative you’re telling best.

 Pick the options that best fit with what you want from the story and the characters. Because that’s the best decision for the story.

 But if you’re writing about an abusive system don’t gloss over the abuse. If you’re writing about a torturous practice in prisons (like solitary confinement) don’t ignore the life long damage it causes.

 I hope that helps. :)

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[mantra4ia]

Debris 1x13 "Celestial Body": rewatch Reaction'd, questions and comments

So if all those people are experiencing emotional convergence, who are they converging from? Who's sending the emotional signal that the debris is channeling, or is it the debris manifesting it's "consciousness" in a way that we can understand it by way of human conduits?

Maddox is clearly trading debris pieces with Irina (perhaps the piece that he took out of storage off the books), and Irina is on the phone with presumably her handler/ boss to negotiate this trade. She gives him lateral (which I assume means latitudinal) readings and then he asks for longitudinal readings which we don't get to hear. They are: Lateral 105, 112, 115, 120, 113, 110, 109

What's the significance of these measures? Latitude goes from 0° to 90° from the equator, so that doesn't track unless the scene is cut wrong and they're meant to be longitudinal (E/W) readings, which go to 180° relative to the prime meridian. That would make more sense, because after Irina is done with the first set of readings, the unknown caller on the phone says "drop to level two for vertical" and latitudes are North/South.

If we're talking Western longitudes, notable landmarks include: Denver, Salt Lake City UT / Phoenix AZ / nearly Sedona AZ - aka where the telesphere went, Las Vegas, Lake Tahoe/ Nevada border, Great Salt Lake, Alberta-Saskatchewan border, and the Utah-Arizona border.

Or perhaps they're not part of terrestrial measurement at all. The act of "lateral reading" could just mean verifying your sources/accuracy as you go, where as vertical reading is reading for content first to see if something is worth evaluating for sources.

However, if they are part of coordinates, then is the fragment that Maddox is trading with Irina a legitimate "mapmaker" piece like George previously said Influx was seeking? Ya know, when he lied to his daughter. Can a mapmaker piece track moving/animate debris akin to the telesphere? Are those black dust cloud beings George is running from made up of animate debris?

Bryan: After becoming a parent you're in a heightened emotional state, emotionally raw.

George: Higher highs, lower lows, the joy of having a child, the postpartum depression, and the fear of getting it wrong.

Me: Are we in a pensive, self-reflective mood, George? Are you practicing your pub trivia Bryan, delivering exposition, or are you speaking from personal character experience? Seriously, how would you know?!

John Noble as Otto, man why does he always make such a good villain?

What is with the cryptic vagueness when Maddox tells Irina, "You know I can't let you leave with that case right? I mean you know that. There's another door for you Irina, one that only you can go through." They seemed almost on good terms in a previous episode, like friends or something more in a past life "nice car, i almost left / no you didn't", he wouldn't kill her, would he? Or is it more like a code between them, a sort of "I'm being watched, take the back exit"?

Hey, so why is it that sometimes George's eye seems opaque and damaged from the debris implant, but then when he's talking to Finola after he distracts Bryan while being Debris whisperer, his eye seems fine? PS: I googled Tyrone Benskin just to see what he looks like when he's not playing George Jones and I didn't know he's a former member of Canadian Parliament. Don't trust the government, eh?

George: "You're such a compassionate person, you always have been. So much of your mother in you." That's the second time that Finola's mother has been mentioned in the series, back from the pilot. Is it a coincidence that the first piece of debris that chose to interact with Finola resonated her mom? More than just Finola's desire being reflected by the debris, but the debris emoting it's first impression of her as someone compassionate that it can trust?

It also raises my heckles that George repeats, almost word for word, something that Finola said in episode 3. "If we can't help people, we do not deserve this debris / if we don't use this debris on these people, we are not worthy to have it." Are father and daughter that ideologically similar, or has he been spying on her progress this whole time, or both?

George: "I took my life to allow myself a rebirth, I paid the price. I want you to know that not one day goes by that I don't think of you and your sister. I want you to know this." This coincides with my initial impression that George staged his death to get away from Orbital after he assessed how his research was being used/abused.

George: "You never wanted to go into the pool, I had to throw you in, and you kicked and screamed, but you always did better that way." Immabout to throw you George, just keep talking!!!! I'm sorry, this charicature of absentee father reminiscing about the good old days really ticks me off from personal experience.

Also, as a person with a disability, I am not particularly pleased with the use of Dario as a plot device instead of a thoughtful character with a backstory at this point in the show for 13 whole episodes now. Pretty pissed off actually, so they better do something phenomenal and pivotal with Christian Rose (Dario) in season 2 [maybe have his character interact with debris in a similar way to Caroline]. But that's another rant about ableism in screenwriting for another angry day....

George: "A telesphere was born yesterday. It came from a pocket dimension inside Orbital. I think it's birth may have triggered the debris." This is perhaps the one-ish episode that I find George remotely interesting and also infuriating, particularly because of the way he speaks, like he's finally taken off the guise of the old, well-meaning eccentric and turned into a sharp, cunning, and at times calculatingly ruthless individual. I find it peculiar that he says a telesphere is born. Makes me think that the debris is not just part of a spacecraft, but a hybrid of the beings piloting that craft.

I get tremendous satisfaction from Finola head-butting people. This should continue.

I'm not familiar with all of the work of JH Wyman to know if this is a running theme or an ongoing joke. But does he keep his writing staff in a constant state of starvation? Is that why pieces of debris are called "Nachos", and why Influx has "Beans" to shield them from debris side effects, and why Bryan is always eating junk food? Should I be worried about the writer's room and start sending them healthy snacks?!? Just give me an SOS in the credit roll.

Speaking of: is the "Bean" that Finola ingested a piece of debris? Similar to the pieces of debris that fused with Anson Ash? Will it impart some physical benefits to her moving forward?

"I won't lose you again...you belong with me." What are you talking about George Jones, you made the conscious decision to leave your family. You didn't lose Finola, she lost you. In this version of reality at least. Or (unscripted backstory) did Jones and his wife separate prior to her death / was Finola brought up mostly by her mother? That doesn't seem the case if she was buying her father birthday presents and took it upon herself to settle his affairs after his death.

Why do the Influx Operatives Otto and Anson have tattoos on their hands, but not Loeb? Is he like the low end of the totem pole FNG who hasn't earned his stripes, hence why Otto gives him s***: aka "Careful you cretin. All the finesse of a butcher."

What is the hierarchy of Influx anyway? Despite being an anti-government "for the people/ elevate the human consciousness" organization they do still seem to have a governing hierarchy and Otto and George seem to be on the same level, pretty high in rank / they talk with confidence to each other like they go back a while.

What is that weird thing that Otto does with his hands to Bryan's head? What are all the weird things Otto does, including his massacre at the petrol station? Ick.

Why is it that Leob and George are freaked out by the black smoke (debris particle?) man, but Anson and Otto aren't? They seem to see them(?), but don't overtly react.

Bryan: "It seems like we're entering some kind of new phase." Gee where have I heard that one before? Oh yeah, the story of "Blackwater grandfather" and the black wind that they're still teasing endlessly while refusing to tether it into some kind of world building lore. Agggghh!

Lololol, Bryan and Finola's dynamic even in the midst of a very serious episode makes me laugh. "Devon Reese / two e's? / Two e's!" "This one smells like baby diapers. Almost as bad as the tech section of the plane/ You mean your section of the plane. / Almost." That zinger 👍

Paraphrasing Bryan: "[recapping, recap, and did I mention recap]...something about George doesn't feel right." Personal pet peeve: I HATE IT when episodes have intentional explanatory lines like this to point out the fact that we as audience are privy to information that the main characters aren't. Not only does it make the main characters seem less intelligent, it breaks the fourth wall a little bit and gives the impression that the audience, which is ahead of the plot, is not as intelligent and needs a reminder that we're ahead. Lackadaisical writing drives me nuts!!! I can't outright say that it's "bad" dialogue, but it's not a choice I would make if I wanted uninterrupted viewer immersion.

Finola: "My instincts are good" Me: You are an emotionally intelligent decision maker with gaping personal blind spots.

George: You belong with me, your father.

Finola: My father died six months ago, and you are not him.

Me: Chef's kiss 👏👏👏

Otto: "It would never have worked out with that girl [Finola], not in any iteration." Definitely makes me lean towards the fan theory that the alt!Finola in (presumably) suspensia in Sedona Arizona got plucked from another reality.

Surprisingly, the ending credit roll has no voiceover as all the previous episodes of the season have. Disappointed that there's no potential teaser to a season 2 if the show gets renewed. But I find it curious that the extras who were demonstrating emotional convergence were credited as: chess board persons. Not sure if that's relevant, but I definitely feel like this show is playing games with me and my emotions.

[sage-nebula]

You know the mirrorverse in kalos? What do you think alain's mirror version would be like?

Yes, I’m familiar with the Mirrorverse, and ooooh, I love this question, thank you so much for sending it!

So, just to make sure we’re on the same page: The mirror universe (accessed through Reflection Cave) is home to versions of the characters that are the complete opposite of who the characters actually are, hence their “reflections.” So to that end, Mirror!Alan would take Alan’s most prominent traits and turn them on their head. So . . .

1.) Serious & Determined becomes Lackadaisical

Whereas Canon!Alan has a serious personality and determination to see any task through no matter the risk or danger, Mirror!Alan is carefree to the point of being careless and doesn’t really care to commit to any one thing, instead abandoning a task as soon as he loses interest, the cost seems to outweigh the benefit and therefore doesn’t feel worth the effort, et cetera. He’s the king of picking up a hobby or goal only to abandon it less than a month later because he just doesn’t feel like doing it anymore.

2.) Selfless becomes Selfish

Canon!Alan is selfless to the point where it’s startlingly abnormal behavior for him to do anything for himself, ever, and he will go out of his way to help complete strangers if he sees they need it. Mirror!Alan, on the other hand, takes a “that seems like a you problem” approach to problems, even if they’re ones that would end up concerning him, such as world-ending apocalypses. Unless there’s some direct benefit to him (e.g. someone will pay him for it, he thinks it’ll be fun or interesting somehow) he has absolutely no interest in getting involved in other people’s affairs or helping out, and usually just flat out won’t.

3.) Loyal becomes Indifferent

As you can guess, Mirror!Alan doesn’t have any precious people he’d protect at all costs. He may have been raised by Mirror!Sycamore, but who knows how Mirror!Sycamore differs from actual Sycamore and what impact that might’ve had on him. (Heck, if Mirror!Sycamore differs enough, maybe Mirror!Alan was never adopted at all and just grew up in Isolé until he was old enough to leave on his own.) Either way, regardless of who raised him, Mirror!Alan feels no real attachment to any people in his life and, even if he doesn’t dislike them—heck, even if he likes them well enough—he still considers their problems to be their problems and therefore not his problem. 

4.) Strength to Protect becomes Power for Accolades

a.k.a. self-assured becomes cocky. Whereas Canon!Alan trains and battles so he can gain the strength to protect others, Mirror!Alan trains and battles so he can prove he’s the very best and win trophies. So he still likes battling, but his reason for battling is completely different. (Which isn’t to say that Canon!Alan doesn’t like battling, because he absolutely loves it, but it is to say that Canon!Alan doesn’t actually give a fuck about trophies in the end whereas they’re all that would really motivate Mirror!Alan.)

5.) Guilt Complex becomes Shirking Blame

Canon!Alan has issues with hyper-responsibility, wherein he takes the blame for everything even if it is in no way his fault, and thus does his best to fix all the world’s problems / shoulder every burden. And that’s an issue, but Mirror!Alan takes things way too far in the opposite direction, in that along with claiming that other people’s problems are their problems and thus not his to deal with, he will also shirk the blame even for things that are his fault and that he should have accepted responsibility for. Everything is always someone else’s problem and therefore someone else’s fault and it’s wrong of others to try to put things on him, even when it really, really isn’t.

--

There are probably other traits that we could flip (e.g. Canon!Alan loves to study and learn, Mirror!Alan isn’t interested unless it can help him win battles / tournaments somehow), but I think those are the biggest ones. As you can see, whereas Canon!Alan is a protagonist that is easy to love and root for, and has flaws you want to see him overcome so that he can grow and succeed, Mirror!Alan is . . . well . . . decidedly very much not that. And if they ever met each other, well . . .

Canon!Alan: “. . . I’m going to kill you.”

Mirror!Alan: “What’s that? You want to battle? Ha! Big mista—”

Canon!Alan: “No. I’m going to beat you to death with my bare hands.”

They would not be friends.

[popculturebuffet]

The Legend of the Three Caballeros: Shangri-La-Di-Da and Sheldgoose Squaredance Reviews: The Last Ride (Comissoned by WeirdKev27)

SALUDOS AMGIOS.. THIS IS IT! The finale review of my retrospective on the Three Caballeros THE RIDE OF THE THREE CABLLEROS. It’s the final ride. While there will be, as i’ve said the last few time, a little epilogue to celebrate finishing this, as clocking in at 15 reviews, one best of list coming next week and covering a film, two sizeable comic book stories, and 18 episodes of television, this has been one of my largest projects and one of my proudest. But there will be time to look back next week. For now i’m amped up, excited about this series and excited to finish. So after the cut join me for one last full ride as our heroes face their final hour! 

Shangri-La-De-Da: Our penultimate adventure begins with the Cabs returning home after training with King Arthur, where they apparently got a years worth of training in a day.. because apparently Camelot is one giant hyperbolic time chamber. But the training’s paid off as our heroes are now at their most skilled and most powerful: As a result Jose skifully and perfectly cuts an orange in seconds, Panchito ropes an apple from a nearbye stand (and the owner’s really cool about it since Panchito gives him the money for it “Thanks magic rope!”) and Donald.. breaks everything but in a really impressive ways. Our heroes are at their best and ready to take on Feldrake when the time comes, while Ari and the Bear.. are hiding what happened last episode with the girls investigating. Hey can’t win em all. Meanwhile Sheldrake is leading Sheldgoose into the Manor.. after a few goofs on him running into the barrier because he’s a petty asshole. They decsend into the depths bellow leaving Leopold to guard. 

Back at the Cabana Donald just wants one more thing... Daisy. 

I’ve.. gone on about why he shouldn’t do this last time. He deserves better. Xandra is right there and while she’s treated him shabbily from time to time. it’s more human error versus... everything with Daisy just everything. This plot point has been nothing but pain and suffering for me and it’s not changing that track record in these last two episodes, though thankfully it’s barely in the finale, so my own track record of screaming about daisy in text form every time she shows up will also remain in tact. He does this because Xandra offered them a vacation so he won’t be distracted.. again why isn’t she the love intrest? I dunno maybe sh’es more into Jose.  And Daisy sucks on arrival, phrasing, as her response to Donald’s call wasn’t to just.. tell him no but to go to his place to clearly tell him no to his place saying “Let’s recap, you abandoned me in a bad part of town, spent our date in the bathroom all night in a hula skirt, then brainwashed my nieces into helping you trick me with a dummy”. Okay Daisy, you want to recap, you insufferable, pompus, selfish, self absorbed, overly demanding, overly haughty, golddigging rose colored shrew?

Let’s fucking recap: He left you in a bad part of town because he got FIRED from his job and found out his house burned down, something you REFUSED to let him explain. You found out about this and then proceded to berate him over dinner, saying he couldn’t possibly help people. While he did spend a while in the bathroom with a hula skirt nad never explained it the ONE point you have.. he LEFT to go help his friends, with you once again leaving instead of letting him come back and explain later or leaving but going to his place to hash this out or just dump him. THEN, something you CAREFULLY omitted, you moved on which is fine.. as a way to make him jealous, bringing the guy to his door to rub his beak in your new relationship with not a hint of shame,a nd ran off whie he was fighting for his life clearly. Now seeing things were more complicated, you asked NO follow up questions, imposed a date on him and while he did lie your nieces WERE NOT FUCKING BRAINWASHED. This was of their own free will you unbleivible she demon. You are so up your own ass you can’t even see the obvious. And then you came here JUST to say all this and be mean to Donald one more time. While Donald shoudln’t of called you up it’s not because of all that it’s because your a heartlress, selfish, shrivled husk of a person. You care about NO ONE but yourself, and that includes Donald. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. 

So Xandra just zaps them away and says she’s perfect for Donald. 

Donald and Daisy end up in the himlayas.. cue the music. 

Why isn’t this game on Switch? Questions for later. Point is our heroes find a cave to duck in and a yeti.. who after clearing their throat reveals Xandra left them at the entrance for Shangri-La, and the inside is intorduced.. with a very lackluster musical number. A weak note for the songs to go out on but not bad, though Donald is pissed off because that’s his schtick here.. though credit where it’s do: Since I didn’t know everything and hadn’t finished it turns out his anger was delebrate.. but we’ll get to that and why it dosen’t work in a moment.  Back at the Cabana the boys fence with bread before Panchito gets a flash as Sheldgoose puts the first amulet into..some kind of melting pool... and the girls confirm what happened seconds later. Feldrake has the amulets, which were used to seal him last time as revealed in last episode, and is melting them into his own power. The final battle is nigh! So Xandra goes to fetch Donald.. and comes back as she CAN’T. Donald and Daisy signed a contract and they can’t leave till ALL their problems are solved. And given Donald is carried off after his anger issues not only are evident when, given a pillow representing his frustratoins he destroys it, but he DENIES having anger issues, he’s dragged off to some extreme thereapy.. i.e. a Self Reflecting reflecting pool that manifests his anger as a giant, sausgey, pissed off version of himself and he reacts as you’d expect and gets flattned.  Back at the Cabana, Xandra breaks the bad news.. and whie Jose TRIES to reassure them, his amulet is next to go so he gets a flash of it being destroyed and our heroes now have to scramble to take on Sheldgoose.. WITHOUT Donald.  Back at donald’s inner hulk.. man I love this fucking job, Donald is pounding away until his own flash breaks things for a moment.. and sends him into his own head. We’re then treated to an acid sequece, an homage to Donald’s surreal reverire from the original movie that while not as wild, is still gloriously bizzare. Donald rencounters the teapot ghost thing that’s apparently part of his psyche from the first episode that gets him to consider why his life is like this and he goes through a lot of moments of the first episodes.. conviently eddting out daisy’s questionable behavior and the fact some things had actual catalysits.  See the idea of Donald FACING his anger issues and growing from them is fine. But this has two faults. One, it assuems you can just.. cure anger issues. You can’t. Anger is a normal emotion and as someone with them I hope to generally work thorugh mine with a therapist.. but I know they just don’t magically go away and therapy is a process and your mental issues are lifelong things you have to grapple away. It’s not the MOST insulting treatment of emtoinal issues i’ve seen, as Total Drama you know had someone with MPD cured with a fucking button press, but it’s not great.  And the second is this was poorly set up. Donald was an angry asshole all series yes and it was an issue.. but it wasn’t really FRAMED as a character arc. Just Donald being donald. So while having that be the source of his issues is a good idea for a character arc for im it comes off sloppy and forced because it’s been treated more like a joke or a character trait and less like a SERIOUS issue or the problem with him and Daisy. Hell they put the whole Dapper duck thing in there when he was fine that episode and is rightfully angry about that if at the wrong person. This whole thing just feels rushed, forced and unsatsifying and is a hsame for such a good idea

The payoff is good though, as when Donald awakens and let’s his anger wash away.. he just stands as the anger donald tries to beat the crap out of him.. but can’t do anything to him since he’s calm. He’s fine, and he’s released.. and his shock collar is disabled. Good quick gag.  Meanwhile our heroes aren’t sure what to do despite having tons of magical items.. until they think what would donald do.. and he’d just at least try and thus corm a GIANT FUCKING MAGIC CANON OUT OF THEM. Very nice. They blow the doors off.. and through the back.. and into the money bin where we get a scrooge cameo. 

And he’s voiced by Eric Bauza.. which is sadly not great because it’s far from his best work and dosen’t even really attempt a scottish accent. 

But our heroes storm the gate.. after Xandra easily disposes of the dog guards.. who Sheldgosoe apparently raised to do this... still not entirely over that. They find the staircase and the triplets op to go back while the rest charge in and prepare to fight leopold. 

Back at the Cabana, Donald and Daisy return via tub and Donald, seeing the swirling vortex of darkness outside sheldgoose manor, tells daisy he has to go his friends need him it’s his destiny, gives her one hell of a kiss she dosen’t deserve.. oh and earlier he told her “Thanks for being patient with me” and she tells him it was worth the wait. Ha ha... I hope you get hit by a rusty tractor you unfathomable blight on duck kind. 

So part one ends with Donald heading for the treasure chamber to armor up. 

Sheldgoose Square Dance:  Part two begins with Sheldgoose putting the staff in place, and an egg emerging. Weird.. and as a result of that Leopold sense his ‘Daddy’ and leaves, and before the cabs can charge in donald shows up, now confident, at full strength and after tripping as you’d epxct, with the other cabs armor and in his. The guys suit up, and we get to see both jose’s.. amazing.. toned.. stomach. 

And Panchito’s big belly.. which I have one of those so we’re twinsies. And Xandra of course watches Jose change slyly. Eh i’ts a bit creepy but I can’t blame her for sneaking a peak as long as she didn’t linger. 

So our heroes are suited up, look awesome and have their trademark weapons Let’s fucking go!

Back at the ranch, the Nieces talk to daisy and having grabbed a weird document last time, are trying to piece it together. Daisy.. is suddenly really good with puzzles and helps them with it. They reform it and.. don’t really do much until after the danger has passed and I avoid another cornary yelling innterally at this unpleasant pile of hippo excrement. 

So while the Cabs dash to stop feldrake feldrake awakens.. as a demon baby. And Sheldgoose has about a minute of mockery before feldrake smacks him around with telekensis and agrees while his mind’s affected by his current state, he’s still fully aware and can talk and seeing the cabs are coming gives him a bit of power, i’d say about as much or a little more than what feldrake had as a staff, and sends him after the cabs. 

So we get one of the most awesome moments if not THE most awesome moment in the entire series as something from EVERY episode makes a come back as shelgoose, after trying some zaps, back in full robe and cloak, MAKES HIS OWN ZOOM POINT. Thus it becomes an utterly awesome back and forth as sheldgoose summons one thing from the past and xandra summons another to counter. And it avoids reptititon as the sheer sight of characters from each episode battling it out, and never knowing which ones next, keeps it intresting. 

In order: Sheldgoose summons the moon bots, Xandra summons the roman gods to hack them to pieces, after the boys get some shots in too. Sheldgoose blocks the way with lava lizards, the cabs respond with a goblin army who block the lava river and use a cat launcher against them, courtsey of king vomit. Sheldgosoe unleashes the tengu, the cabs unleash king arthur.. and we get the immortal line from donald “Thanks king arthur!”. Sheldgoose summons his ancestors, the cabs summon the ghost presidents! And in a call back that had me clapping Sheld summons the termintes.. and xandra summons THE MINOTAUR! And Sheldgoose thirsts over him. .huh.. so shledgosoe is bi good for him. And for a final distraction sheldgoose summons.. the dragon.. that was from the adventure they just had he had no way of knowing about. 

So with that out fo the way our heroes and villians both reach feldrake.. whose awakened and is.. this

Really.. weird , if still threanting, deisgn aside, Feldrake now at full power turns new quackmore into the psycadelic starry battlefield we saw in the intro to the series and thus the final battle begins. We see the fight from the start.. but it’s now even MORE beautiful and glorious with context. Before we saw three strangers, if ones we knew from other works fighting some evil we never met. Now we’ve seen our heroes grow, both as people, and as heroes, learning from every encounter, getting stronger with every fight and slowly getting noticably more compitent: going from falling all over themselves just to work a ship, to defeating dragons, tengu, and other horrors as a team. And we’ve seen jus thow petty and cruel feldrake is.. and how serious the stakes are and what our heroes tand to loose should they fail. It’s not perfect.. we could stand to loose daisy and new quackmore dosen’t mean much, though Sheldgoose gets to zap regina into a worm, but it’s still AWESOME and feels like a tremendous payoff and Donald’s predator bro fist thing with Panchito has more weight. Our heroes have risen to their peak and now they face one last obstacle to becoming legends.  The fight is fluid, awesome and gorgeously animated and utterly epic in every sense of the word and we catch up to their seeming defeat.. only for something we DIDN’T know about last time to help.. Xandra who gets htem out of the way. It’s a long and fantastic fight, with our heroes eventaully getting knocked over to a pool while Xandra tries her best to hold feldrake off, but is clearly wearing down despite doing her best. 

Yeah while itw as established Feldrake was melting down the amulets and we saw a pool of resdiual magic, so teh magical pool of stuff the cabs find them at WAS set up.. but what happens next remotely wasn’t. The cabs fall in and commuincate with blazebeak the creator of the amulets who embues them with their power. Where he came from, why he’s just showing up n ow.. I dunno, it comes off as a really badly setup deus ex machina.. but it still dosen’t hurt the finale that bad. A little yes, as everything else is so well paced and feels like so much payoff.. but the awesomeness of our heroes glowing with their signture colors, rushing in to save xandra and then ari, who swiped the rest of the magic goop, giving it to xandra to reivvie her.. overrides it. Sometiems somethings too stupid to be awesome.. and sometimes it’s so awesome it overides common sense. So yeah poorly set up yes.. still fucking awesome also yes. 

Our heroes tear feldrake apart and realize once they see the now empty staff floating in the void they can simply reseal him. Sheldgoose interupts it.. but the nieces arrive riding on humphrey and knock him inot a golden toilet... again I fucking love this job. Our heroes then try ghost bustering him back into the staff and SHeldgoose tries saving him by breaking it.  And it seemingly fails.. new quackmore is restored, Sheldrake’s gone and the town remembered EVERYTHING, cheering at their new heroes and saviors. Sheldgoose finds the staff gone and bemoans his lost master.. and soon looses his presidency as regina strips him of it. With his own powers gone Sheldgoose flees on Leopold, and while Regina tries to take the presdiency for herself.. the girls reveal the document explains if a sheldgoose is absent.. a coot takes his place. And since Donald is the only remaning coot apart from Della and she’s busy actually raising her kids in this continuity apparently, Donald is the new president. While Regina vows to beat him in an election.. our heroes are now happy, with the lawyer from the first episode backing Donald’s claim up. So Donald now has a new job, a new purpose in life, his girlfriend back, which is negiably a good thing, and a new family he dearly loves and tells them as much. Awww. Also he gets the mansion, which our heroes promptly plan to move into. Donald and Daisy fight, of fucking course, our heroes claim roms and Xandra and Jose share a moment. The series gets a truly satsifyign and happy ending.. and a sequel hook as it turns out feldrake is now in sheldgooses body and the tow are going ot have to share it as Sheldgoose has leopold take them to a house with legs.. so the baba yaga then. Sadly we’ll probably never see with this leads.. and this is the end. 

Final Thoughts on the finale two parter: While the first half is a bit weak in the yeti stuff, the rest of it is incredibly strong and Sheldgoose Square Danc,e while having the worst name of the series.. is easily it’s best episode, tying everythign together greatly and being one, tense and epic finale the whole way through. A true masterpiece and a clear sign the series would be even BETTER going forward had it actually been allowed to live and a true shame.. but even with the sequel hooks aside.. it’s still an utterly sastifying, joyous note to go out on and i’m GLAD I saved this one for last, as it provided a great capper for both the series and this retrospective. 

Final thoughts on Legend of the Three Cablleros:

This series.. was excellent. While at first I wasn’t sure it’s rep was warranted, as the first three episodes were good but had flaws and four and five were not great.. everything after that is sublime. The series has it’s flaws, the character devlopment is uneven, the characters can be made into caractures of themselves once in a while and the writing on Daisy is horrid and i’ve said enough on that to last me a lifetime and is easily the worst part of an otherwise fantastic show. But yeah.. as I said OTHERWISE fantastic, as while the daisy stuff is very bad, it’s for the most part in the background of a VERY good show with great voice acting, fun pacing, and beautiful animation.  It’s a loveletter to clasic disney animation, holding tons of mythology gags and refrences and having humphrey as a main character, but with unquie touches like letting the nieces have a starring roll and everything about xandra and sheldgoose. It’s a unique, wonderful and awesome addition to the disney animated canon and deserves a second season or some other sort of revivial. This was a wonderful note to go out on and I’m throughly glad I finally watched it.  So with this the Ride of the Three Cablleros is almost over.. but come back, let’s say next week, for one last party as we count down the top 12 cabs moments and celebrate these happy chappies in matching serapes one last time. Until then.. it’s been a pleasure.. and Kevin.. thank you. 

[just-a-simple-otaku]

Alina Gray analysis

Well then, Alina Gray sure is a piece of work. The problematic fav of the MagiReco fandom, fondly referred to as psycho artist or JoJo reference. But Alina is more than a reference and more than just a psycho. In fact, is she even a psycho? In that case, psycho meaning either psychotic or psychopath (or I guess here psycho as in crazy murderous bitch). So let’s have a meaningful analysis of this character and undercover what might be a tragic tale of objectification.

We are introduced to Alina in the game in chapter 5 and in the anime in episode 9. In both media she arrives to stop the protagonists from destroying Ai, an uwasa. In the game, Madoka and Homura (Moemura) were there but not in the anime version. In the game, in her first appearance Alina appeared at first as serious, cold and irritable, before she revealed her mad and sadistic antics. In the anime, she showed up laughing maniacally, acting all eccentric and borderline insane, even strangling herself. It seems that the anime went overboard with the Alina acting crazy part. Not that I disliked it, but given that the game is the original source, I’ll keep this analysis mainly game-only.

We should start by the beginning, which is Alina’s backstory as shown in her magical girl story. It’s implied that Alina’s fascination with life and death in her art started when her grandparents and dog died when she was a child. Given that this event was what drove Alina’s art, I’d say their death must have left a pretty big impact on her (especially since she was 8 years old and might not have been fully able to grasp the concept of death). Alina mentioned how her parents often got mad at her for spending too much time painting, which led her to make her wish to have a space when she can be alone and nobody can disturb her there. Alina was treated as an artist genius from a young age and gathered a lot of attention and big expectations and ended up having no privacy and being used for her talents by people around her, including her parents and teachers. Alina wasn’t valued as a person but only for her art and adults didn’t respect her privacy or free-will as they often shared personal information about her to the public or submit her arts without her authorization.

Despite being a famous artist, Alina shows no interest in popularity, admiration or love from people and simply wants to create more art. She doesn’t seem to enjoy attention or even the company of others and prefer to be left alone. No ones seem interested in how she feels, only in her art and how they can use it for their own benefit (like her teacher who submitted her art against her will and tried to force her to participate in other contests for the sake of the school’s reputation), and when she refuses she’s been called selfish. The only person who genuinely cares for Alina as a person is her kouhai Karin, but I’ll get back to their relationship later.

Her magical girl story shows Alina as someone pretty antisocial with mood swings and impulsivity issues where she can snap and result in material destruction. She seems relatively unhappy with her life and on the verge of depression. The breaking point was when she refused an award for a contest she didn’t agree to participate in in the first place, she received a letter from one of the judges: “It seems you are capable of creating a work that is so beautiful and arcane that viewers will think about it until their deaths. However, your work, which has no external theme, is a powerful drug that might drive people insane. That's why I want to tell you this. If you don't want to change the world, stop creating. You are only fifteen years old; if you haven't realized this, your brilliance will probably run out.”

I just want to mention first that the English translation doesn’t mention she’s 15 years old at that time (she’s 16 in the main story). At first, this letter may seem insignificant and harmless, until you realize how fucked up it is for an adult to say that to a teen. This judge said that Alina’s art is hollow and hurt people and that if she doesn’t intend to change the world with it, she should stop creating, and that her light will burn out. It basically implied that Alina creating art for herself is wrong and harmful and that if she isn’t creating for others, then her art is just worthless and so is her life. Again, implying Alina is a selfish person who is basically useless because she doesn’t want to meet people’s expectations and shaming her for that. Can we talk about how inappropriate, irresponsible and cruel it is for an adult to say that to a child? To crush their passion and treat its worth only by how others appreciate it? And the fact Alina was already feeling depressive before sure didn’t help.

Some people might think Alina is selfish, but let me tell you this: Alina doesn’t owe the world anything. Her art is hers and only hers, yet people kept trying to appropriate her art for their own goal, with no concern for how Alina felt, her desires, and basically treated her as a tool and used her. Now remembers, Alina started to show interest in art at 8 and in her magical story she was 15, meaning she went through 7 years of being used, guilt-tripped, having her privacy violated and having no free-will over her own creations. No wonder why she’s tired of people and just wants to be left alone, and is overall hostile to others.

After she received this letter, Alina became full of doubt and questioned the meaning of her art and life as well as her own worth, and came to the conclusion that just like her art, she’s worthless and is basically a poison and toxic to everyone. After leaving on a vacation to find some inspiration and a meaning to her art, in vain, Alina then decided that she would be better off ending all her art, as well as herself. She went on a rampage to destroy all her art before planning to commit suicide by jumping from a rooftop. She wanted her death to be her final work, concluding her art of life and death, so people can witness her last moment before her light fade away (she put a camera to record her suicide). A last desperate attempt to give some meaning to her life through death.

Kyubey did try to convince her to make a wish, twice, and the second time, Alina agreed, and wished for a space where she cannot be bothered by others. But she had no intent to play her role as a magical girl, she just wanted to add her wish in her life so it can be lost as well in her death.

Of course, as a magical girl, Alina survived the fall and encountered a witch, and, amazed by its beauty, found what the theme of her art was, what she wanted to convert to the world: Alina’s Beauty. She found a reason to live through that and a meaning to her art. She wants people to witness what she considers to be beautiful. And this is how she started to breed witches together and create even more powerful witches (again, let’s talk about that later). Interesting thing, Alina’s doppel is highly based on virus and poison that can drive people insane, which is a clear reference to her thinking her art is poison that drive people insane because of the judge.

So, what I got from her backstory is a subtle tragedy. Alina was basically objectified in a way since she’s a child, used for her talent and treated as a mere tool. Almost no one has any consideration for her feelings, desires and privacy and is, yeah, treated more like an object than a human, and put an insane amount of pressure by all the expectation and guilt-tripping people kept putting on her shoulders. Alina ended up with a disturbed sense of her own identity and what was the purpose of her life, splitting tendencies (incapacity how seeing both positive and negative, lack of nuance), impulsivity and recklessness, unstable and chaotic relationships, self-damaging behaviors, detachment from reality, as well as depression, anger and rage.

I might have sounded really precise here, right? Well, those descriptors I used for Alina are almost all the criteria for a specific disorder: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

Yep, I’m basically saying that I think Alina might suffer from BPD. At first I thought she might be bipolar because of her mood swing between depression and almost manic behaviors, but bipolarity is mainly genetic and the mood switch is usually not that fast, unlike BPD. BPD is also a personality disorder, it’s not genetic and is caused by the environment, which makes more sense for Alina.

People with BPD also tend to be extremely sensitive to any form of criticism and alternating between idealization and devalorization and emotionally unstable and erratic. That sounds pretty much like what happened to Alina in her magical girl story if you think about it. BPD can also lead to psychotic episodes in more serious cases.

Now, I wouldn’t say that Alina perfectly fit the diagnosis or that it was the creator’s intention, but I feel like she’s a pretty good example of someone who suffers from untreated BPD and to me, it helps me understand the character on a more psychological basis and empathize with her.

There’s also more input on Alina’s psyche in the Holy Alina magical girl story. Again, after one critic that might look trivial from Karin (implying that Alina’s work isn’t art but breeding), Alina became overwhelmed with doubt regarding her art and extremely moody. Having her art compared to breeding and raising a pet deeply upset Alina, who’s forced to admit it’s true. She is indeed breeding witches, and she came to doubt that it’s real art.

Alina feels conflicted feelings. She’s mad that her art may not be art, but at the same time, feels excited at the idea of breeding witches, which only frustrated her even more. Surprisigly, it’s Karin who managed to make her feel better by making her read her favorite manga, bing worried that Alina might attempt suicide again. Alina understood through the manga that even if the plot is redundant, there’s a recurring theme that draws people to it. As a thanks, Alina bought a strawberry milk to Karin (while she usually stole it from her whenever she’s disappointed by her). Alina knows her art is more than just breeding and that she just need to find the core of her theme beyond life and death.

Alina decides to seek advice from her fellow Magius, Touka and Nemu. Nemu did notice how irritable Alina was these days. They make Alina realize that people tend to share a collective unconsciousness, like different civilizations worshipping the sun even though they had no contact with one another. So Alina needs to find something all humanity shares collectively, something she also shares with them. Touka suggested destruction: a death drive, a self-destructive urge. So the core of Alina’s art would be a craving towards death. After reading more about it, Alina became obsessed with the idea of self-destruction and, unable to fully grasp it, threw a tantrum and destroyed her atelier and aggressively asked Touka and Nemu for more explanation. Both explain how humans is one of the only species who kill one another even if it’s unnecessary, especially through wars. Mifuyu then arrives and complained that by destroying stuff, Alina is damaging the environment. This comment brought Touka and Nemu to find the perfect example of humans’ self-destruction: them destroying the environment. Not only are humans killing one another, they are also destroying their own planet.

Alina concluded that humans unconsciously crave death and destruction, leading them to their own destruction. She thinks this is why everyone is so fascinated by her art, because humans do seek their own death. Alina decides that she’ll indeed change the world with her art and that the core of her theme is “changing the world for the good of humanity”. Even if it sounds good, there’s something sinister behind this. For her, the “good of humanity” is granting what she thinks humans want: Their own destruction.

This is how she decided to become Holy Alina by wearing an Uwasa supposed to grant people their desires. And this is how Alina came to the conclusion she has to cause destruction, for the “sake” of humanity.

We might think that Alina’s actions actually came from a misguided good intention, but let’s not forget Alina is far from being a good person. She enjoys making people suffer and causing misery all around her, she doesn’t show any empathy for others and is remorseless. She’s sadistic, cruel and callous. And that lead to another diagnosis:

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD).

In case you don’t know, ASPD is often referred to as sociopathy or psychopathy, even if both are technically incorrect, but let’s not dwell on that. Alina does exhibit a lot of antisocial behaviors, even before she became a magical girl, such as: Failure to obey laws and norms by engaging in behavior which results in criminal arrest, or would warrant criminal arrest, impulsive behaviors, irritability and aggression, disregard for her own safety and irresponsibility. She laters shows a blatant lack of remorse for her actions and a lack of empathy. The only traits she doesn’t seem to have is lying, deceiving and manipulating for her own profit or amusement. Alina is someone who is brutally honest and has no issue with speaking her mind and herself said that she doesn’t lie. I don’t recall any incident where Alina lies, but she can be deceiving and manipulative, like when she purposefully misled Madoka and Homura about Mami’s fate to hurt them, making it look like Mami met a gruesome death simply to make them suffer. But, ASPD can only be diagnosed when you’re 18 and alas, Alina is 16. But, there exists a precursor to ASPD for kids and teens, which is required to be diagnosed with ASPD: Conduct Disorder.

Alina almost fit the textbook criteria of conduct disorder. She’s a bully, aggressive, cruel towards others (and potentially animals), vandalism, deceptiveness and serious rules violation. And most of those were even before she became a magical girl. She often mistreats Karin and shows no respect for authority, she’s cruel towards others and I feel like it’s implied that Alina might have killed animals (and there’s also her reaction to Kyubey, who she thought was an animal and ended up kicking) and causes a lot of vandalism. Those were rather mild thoughts before she became a magical girl, where she’s downright dangerous and craving destruction.

BPD and ASPD both belong to the same cluster of personality disorder, cluster b, and are often comorbid. ASPD is often referred to as sociopathy, and given her borderline behaviors, Alina is pretty low-functioning. She’s impulsive, erratic and doesn’t bother to hide her true nature.

So, am I saying Alina is an irredeemable evil person who only seeks death and destruction? Yes, but no. There’s more to her. I won’t deny Alina’s cruelty and sadism and lack of concern for others well-being. After all, she doesn’t shy away from tormenting people, torture and attempted murder. But Alina isn’t born that way, she was driven to become a monster by the people around her. Alina wasn’t allowed to be a human, her feelings, desires and freedom were always disregarded, everything that makes someone human. Instead, she was treated like an object, an an object doesn’t have feelings and only serves a purpose. And the big tragedy in that is that Alina herself ended up objectifying herself. She decided to accomplish what she thinks humanity wants by causing destruction, but she’s also projecting her own self-destruction craving unto humanity as a whole. In the end, she tried to become the tool who will change the world for the good of humanity.

Being treated like an object made Alina unable to relate to others or understand their feelings, treating others just like she was treated: as objects. Alina seems to care for Mifuyu, but not as a person. Alina only values Mifuyu for her body, which she considers to be a work of art. Let’s not forget that magical girls’ true bodies are their soul gems and their human’s body is pretty much an empty shell, so Alina only caring for Mifuyu’s human body and not her as a person does show that she views Mifuyu as an object, not a person.

She also doesn’t understand humans’ bonds. When she proposed to spare their lives in exchange for Felicia (who she was angry at for destroying her witch), she didn’t understand why Tsuruno was so upset. Tsuruno even said “people aren’t objects!” which confused Alina even more. For Alina, everyone, including herself, are objects, and she herself can’t understand why others value people’s lives.

There’s also the way she’s treating witches. At first she seems to care about the witches she raised, considering like like pets and art and throwing a tantrum when Felicia destroyed one of them. But later in the story she shows no remorse to sacrifice the witches she raised, which shows that Alina doesn’t actually care for them, but given that they are hers, she can’t bear people other than her destroying them (or destroying them against her will). Alina did say that only an artist can destroy their own art. Given that she views the witches she raised and breed as her art, she doesn’t actually view them as actual pets but again, as objects. Alina’s objectification extend to witches too.

In one of the Christmas Events where she turned into Holy Alina, she ended up causing a lot of good actions while trying to do bad actions, which made people love her. But it didn’t please Alina at all. She doesn’t care about being loved or hated, she doesn’t care about what people think of her, good or bad actions. At some point, she noticed someone about to blow off a bomb and didn’t care nor show any interest in stopping him until she realized the bomb could damage Mifuyu’s body (again, she wasn’t worried for Mifuyu’s well-being, just her body). Alina seems to not feel shame for her behaviors, neither find it rewarding to be loved and praised.

Another thing regarding Mifuyu. At some point, the Magius (so Alina too) decided to sacrifice Mifuyu and feed her soul gem to Eve. I found it strange that Alina seemed to agree, until I realized something: A magical true body is their soul gem and they only need to feed that to Eve. There’s no need to feed Eve with their empty shell of an organic body. So I came to the conclusion that Alina didn’t mind sacrificing Mifuyu’s soul gem as long as she can keep her body. It just shows how much Alina doesn’t care about Mifuyu as a person and only valued her as a piece of art. An object. (And God knows what she would have done with her corpse).

Well, I’m not making a case about Alina not being an unredeemable piece of shit huh? Well, I decided to keep the best for the end: Her relationship with Karin.

It’s undeniable that Karin holds a special place in Alina’s heart (or whatever Alina has instead of a heart). Alina is cruel and mean towards Karin, true, but unlike other people, Alina never hurts Karin for her own pleasure or by sadism. Most of the time, she ended up mistreating Karin out of anger, mostly when she deemed that Karin made her lose her time or disappointed her, or when Karin is being dishonest with herself and doesn’t improve. Alina insults her and belittles her, as well as stealing her strawberry milk, not with the intention of hurting her, but as a form of punishment. Like a parent disciplining their child. But Alina does sincerely want Karin to improve and the fact that she takes the time to teach her, spend time with her and even rewards her proves that, in a way, Alina does care about Karin. In a really shitty and abusive way. But I don’t recall any instances where Alina physically harm Karin or show to enjoy hurting her. Still shitty and abusive, don’t get me wrong. But I feel like Alina is being abusive towards Karin because she’s unconsciously repeating how her parents may have treated her as a child. We know her parents often got angry at her and perhaps they acted in a way that is similar to how Alina treats Karin. The cycle of abuse sure is a tragic thing.

But why Karin? Well, I got a couple of theories. First, Karin is the only one who seems to care about Alina as a person and not an object. Karin greatly values Alina and is concerned about her feelings, something Alina isn’t used to, being only values for her talents. Karin often notices Alina’s change of mood and shows rejoice whenever Alina is in a good mood. She also worries greatly about Alina when she’s in a bad mood and even fear that she might try to commit suicide again. Karin is also someone who respects art and thrives to improve even if she seems to lack the talent. But she is still optimistic and never gives up, and she knows why she’s doing art. She wants to make people happy with her stories. Almost the opposite of Alina, who’s rather pessimistic, she oftens despaired regarding her art, she has the talent but lacks substance and doesn’t exactly know why she does art. Alina even admitted that Karin might be a bigger genius than her because of her passion, which Alina feels like she lacks, feeling empty inside. Even if Karin has expectations towards Alina, it doesn’t seem to put pressure on Alina, as Karin shows interest in how to make her own art and not Alina’s art itself. In a way, perhaps Alina can relate to Karin in a certain way, with her desire to make art, as well as being envious of how Karin can just be carefree about her art and be able to enjoy it without having people trying to use her. Perhaps this is why Alina is able to care about her, because in a way, she can relate to Karin. Still, Alina is abusive towards Karin and her intention doesn’t change how poorly she treats Karin.

Funny thing, Alina herself doesn’t seem to know exactly why she makes art, and ends up needing others' opinions to figure it out. She ended up deducing that her core theme is self-destruction because of Touka and Nemu, which seems to make sense with Alina’s fascination with life and death. People focus on the death aspect, but Karin thinks that Alina’s works are actually full of life. Perhaps Karin is the one who’s right, maybe Alina's actual core is more towards life, but given how twisted Alina became, she doesn’t even realize it herself. Maybe Karin is the only one who can see the good Alina might have deep down inside of her, or may even bring the good inside of her. Who knows, Karin might be the key for Alina potential redemption.

Also, it may not look like it, but I think Alina is constantly hurting inside, due to depression, but she’s so disconnected from her own feelings that she doesn’t realize it and unconsciously hurts others because she’s hurting. Alina is full of unhealthy coping. Her own fascination for life and death started by the death of her grandparents and dog when she was a kid, and might actually have traumatized her and her way to cope is her art. That would explain why Alina herself is uncertain about her theme, because often, understanding our own trauma can be quite hard, or even realize that we experience trauma in the first place. Perhaps death traumatized Alina and her art is her way to understand death better and accept it as a part of life itself. Maybe she actually wants to value life by understand death, because without death, life loses its core value.

So, did I answer the question? Is Alina a psycho crazy jojo villain? Yes, but no. Alina isn’t a psychopath and not downright psychotic either (even though she might experience psychotic episodes). Crazy? Well, I do think she suffers from personality disorders, but it doesn’t make her insane. A sociopath? Maaaybbeee. But to be honest, I mainly think Alina is someone broken who is the result of her environment, someone constantly hurting inside with deep self-destructive urges. The objectification made her feel disconnected from her feelings and humanity and turned her into a monster. But it doesn’t excuse her villainous actions, it only made them understandable and Alina more sympathetic.

Well that was longer than I expected. Let me know what you think and thanks for reading!

[flamencodiva]

Getting Back To You 8 - Just Sit There and Look Pretty

Description: Amaya Campos and Dean Winchester had a playful rivalry. what happens when Dean is no longer her Dean. Will this change make one of them realize what they really desire, or will they continue to keep secrets?

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Amaya Campos (Original Female Character) , AU Dean Winchester x AU Amaya Campos

Warnings: Language, Violence, Smut, Fluff, Angst

Word Count For Series: 100K+ words

Beta: @superfanficnatural​ and @emoryhemsworth​​​ and @jensengirl83​​

Book Cover by @talesmaniac89​

A/N: Special thanks to - @crashdevlin​ @atc74​ @smol-and-grumpy​ @winchest09​ @waywardbeanie​ @deanwanddamons​ @malfoysqueen14​  @emoryhemsworth​ @janicho88​ @jensengirl83​ @whatareyousearchingfordean​ @katehuntington​ @anathewierdo​  and to all my friends who listen to me ramble about my writing. your words of encouragement mean the world to me! Without you I don’t think I could have found the courage to come back and share what I love most to do, WRITE.

Getting Back To You Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Checking herself out in the mirror, Amaya couldn’t help but smile. She had decided to go with her slightly ripped jeans, a long sleeve Sabrina style crop top shirt, and her high heeled timberland boots. She decided to leave her hair loose and flowing. It had been a while since she could relax that way. Grabbing her black clutch, she made sure she had the right weapons that would fit in it. Nothing too big, but deadly enough to kill a monster if she needed to. With one last look, she applied a quick thin layer of makeup and made her way towards the garage. 

Dean sat with Sam in the kitchen of the bunker. He watched as the familiar figure walked by the door and rushed to see Amaya. 

“You heading out?” He asked casually. Or at least as casually as he could. 

“Yeah,” Amaya said as she turned and bit her lip. “I’ll probably be out late, but I’ll send Sam a signal if anything comes up. Don’t wait up.” 

She made it out to the garage before Dean could ask any more questions. Looking at Sam, he watched as the tall hunter pulled out his laptop and began typing. 

“You’re tracking her phone?” Dean smiled. 

“Yup,” Sam said as he popped the ‘p’. “And it looks like they’re headed for an Italian place in town. Or at least she is on her bike.” 

“She rides a motorcycle?” Dean asked as he raised an eyebrow at Sam. 

“Yeah,” Sam chuckled. “Ever since we met her, she’s been riding one.” 

“My Amaya only rides one when she has a solo hunt. She used to do it before they stuck us together for assignments.” Dean remembered fondly. 

“Good to know that there are similarities there,” Sam said as he got up from the bench seat. “You know, there is a part of you that’s not all that different from my brother.” 

“How so?” Dean looked down at the clothes he was wearing. 

He wasn’t used to the jeans and multiple layers of shirts and flannel. He felt out of place not being dressed in a suit. 

“Dean… I told you how we had a hard life here. Mom died, killed by a yellow-eyed demon.” Sam reminded him. 

“Yeah,” Dean nodded. 

“Okay, well,” Sam cleared his throat. “He likes to have this hard, mean exterior to him. And, he thinks that people don’t notice, but I notice when he cares.”

“He says otherwise,” Dean nodded. 

Sam smiled. “You got it. He always puts on this hard face, and he'll be gruff and serious. But then he’ll look at the person we are saving, and he will do everything in his power to save them. He’ll offer them words of encouragement when he thinks I'm not listening. My brother...he is one of the most kind-hearted people I know. He would move mountains if it meant people surviving and Heaven and Earth to make sure the people he loved are okay. I should know,” Sam said as he looked down at the floor in shame. “Sometimes, I forget that he sacrifices a lot, especially for just me.”

“You guys have been through a lot,” Dean looked around the empty bunker. “I’m sorry you guys had to live through that without the proper support.” 

“We survived,” Sam shrugged with a soft smile. “And we just keep fighting.” 

“As hunters, it’s a good motto to have,” Dean assured him. “Now, let’s go chase after Amaya and make sure that she is single for when your idiot brother gets back.” 

“You can say that again,” Sam chuckled. “He is stubborn. But so is she.” 

“I noticed,” Dean followed Sam to the garage and froze. 

He slowly walked up to the black Chevy Impala. She looked to be in pristine condition, which was surprising. He didn’t think that they would keep a car like Baby, but if what Sam told him was anything to take into account, the car itself held sentimental value. Dean could tell that this world’s version of him took good care of the old car. 

“Dean is really good at fixing her up,” Sam smiled. “I sometimes wish he would have come with me when I left for college and worked in what he wanted.” 

“He never went?” Dean looked at Sam. “Did he graduate high school?” 

With a shake of his head, Sam walked up to Baby and ran his fingers over the shiny car. 

“He uh,” He cleared his throat. “He dropped out to help dad and got his GED. Always said it was good enough and that he wasn’t worth anything else.” Sam huffed. “I should have encouraged him more, but…” Sam trailed off before snapping back from his own thoughts. “Let’s follow Amaya. We need to make sure my idiot brother can stop being stubborn long enough to grab the girl when he comes back.” 

Dean couldn’t help but smile at that. He had to think about his own Amaya and wondered if his counterpart would try and help him as much as he was willing to help.   

Amaya sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror. She hated going to these stuffy events. It was worse, though, that Dean was in another universe and in his place was a low brow podunk hunter. She looked over herself and sighed. The dress was fitting too tight for her liking, but it still just fit. Her H-shape halter strap dress was one she always wore to events where both Henry Winchester and Samuel Campbell would be present. This was more of a family gathering than an event, really. Once a month, they would gather and talk, but now, she felt out of place. She wasn’t going to be a part of the family anymore. 

Dean flipped through the channels of the TV in the living room. He sat up and stared at Amaya as she walked out and fixed her earrings. His eyes roamed up her legs, taking in how the dress fit her nicely, hugging her in all the right places. Her hair pinned up in a tight French twist. His throat suddenly felt dry as he watched the double of the girl he loved grab a shawl. 

“Where are you off to?” He said when he finally found his voice.

“Family dinner at Girard’s,” Amaya grumbled as she took one last look at herself in the mirror before grabbing her clutch bag and keys. “Don’t burn my house down and make sure that Zeppelin goes out to do his business.”  

“Shouldn’t I--” Dean began before Amaya held out her hand to stop him. 

“Going to stop you right there.” She growled. “You are not going to do anything while you are here except stay out of our way and stay inside this apartment.” She walked up to him and poked him on his chest. “You are not this world’s Dean and trust me, and I wouldn’t want him at that dinner anyways with the announcement I’m going to make, so please spare me.”

“Amaya,” Dean sighed. “I don’t like this situation any more than you do.” he gently grabbed her hand. “So whatever you and the other me have going on… that’s between the two of you.” He acknowledges, trying to get her to meet his gaze. “I can help you out here. If you really are done with my double, I can help you make it a smooth break.” 

“Why?” Amaya huffed as she crossed her arms. “Why would you help me?” 

“Because you clearly don’t want to be in a relationship with the other version of me,” Dean pointed out.  

Amaya swallowed the lump in her throat at his words. It was strange for it to be coming from the double of the man she loved. It was his voice, his eyes, his broad shoulders, but it wasn’t him. Closing her eyes, she thought back to everything that had transpired. 

“It’s not that--” she hesitated. Why should she tell this look alike her troubles? What could he do? 

“It’s not that, what?” Dean pressed. “You either love him, or you don’t. Why else would you be running to London?” 

“How do you know that?” Amaya gasped, her eyes wide with fear. This man could ruin everything for her. How could he know what she was planning? 

“I overheard your conversation. It was with a guy named Ketch?” He questioned and was unsure of what to make of her expression.  

Amaya scoffed, “Ketch has been nothing but a valuable and loyal colleague.” she defended, making her way to the kitchen for a glass of water. “I don’t know how things are done in your world, but here,” she gestured around them. “Here, monsters know their place and they are all but eradicated.” 

Dean frowned, he didn’t know a guy named Ketch,  and who the fuck names their kid Ketch anyways? If this was anything to go by, it could have been a good thing or a bad thing, but either way, he hated the thought of his own Amaya doing anything with ‘Ketch’. Any guy for that matter. Wait… why the fuck would he care if Amaya was with someone else? She would be safer and definitely out of harm’s way.  

“Eradicated? You mean, they are almost wiped out?” Dean questioned. This was something he would have never thought possible. 

“Well, when you have a network of operatives like we do,” Amaya went on to explain. “It’s easy to try and keep the monsters at bay.” 

“Well, you don’t want to be late, do you?” Dean raised an eyebrow at her as he looked at the time. “I’m sure you have a way to talk to my double’s family about what is going on.” 

Amaya tilted her head at him, “What are you up to?”

Dean raised his hand innocently, “Nothing. I swear. I just don’t want to take too much of your time.”    

Amaya glared at him before letting out a soft hum, “alright, just remember what I said don’t--” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean interrupted. “Don’t burn the house down and make sure the mutt does his business outside.” 

“Right,” Amaya drawled. “I shouldn’t be back too late.” 

“Okay,” Dean said as he casually walked back to the couch to sit. 

Amaya eyed him cautiously before walking out the door. Dean made sure to wait until he could hear the car drive off in the distance. Walking to the phone, he smiled when he saw a number and Sam’s name next to it. Picking it up, he dialed the number and waited for someone to answer. 

“Amaya?” Sam’s answered. 

“No, it’s roughneck,” Dean huffed. “I need your help. Have you left for Girard’s yet?” 

“Why?” Sam demanded. 

Dean rolled his eyes and sighed, “I want to help your brother with Amaya. Even if one of us is happy,” Dean chuckled. “I think I can be okay with that.” 

Sam let out a sigh, “what do you need from me?” 

Sam and Dean sat in the Impala as they watched Amaya get off her bike. The boys watched as she adjusted her clothes, fixed her hair, and checked her make-up before walking inside. 

“Do we go inside?” Sam asked as he looked over at Dean. 

“Huh?” Dean snapped out of his thoughts. 

Most of what was running through his head was about his Amaya. Was she safe? Did she meet his alternate self? Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath before looking at the man who was his brother’s double. 

“I’m okay for the most part,” He admitted. “I just can’t imagine this Amaya not being happy with your brother.” He scoffed slightly. “From what you’ve told me, you have had a hard life, sure… but that shouldn’t stop you both from being happy.”          

“It’s--” Sam shook his head as he took in a small breath. “It’s been hard, and… I know Dean loves Amaya, he does, and I don’t want him to regret not having her when he can have her.” 

“I understand,” Dean muttered. “Let’s get in there and try to stay hidden for a bit. Tail them lightly.” Dean strategized. 

“Sounds good,” Sam agreed as he moved to leave the car. 

“Sam?” Dean breathed. 

“Yeah, Dean?” 

“Thanks for helping me with this,” Dean whispered. “I know you shouldn’t, and you don’t really know me but… I don’t want anything bad to happen to Amaya, in any universe. And if helping your brother realize that she’s good for him is what I have to do, then so be it.” 

Sam smiled at Dean’s admission, “Thanks. I know how stubborn they both can be. So let’s get in there and make sure she and Jason stay friends.”

“Okay,” Dean breathed. “Let’s do this.” 

Sam smiled as Dean got out of the car, and both men made their way into the restaurant. For Lebanon being a small town, the restaurant was full. Sam tapped Dean on his shoulder and pointed to a small corner of the restaurant where the familiar brown hair with purple highlights shone. It was still strange to Dean to see Amaya with such a color in her hair. His Amaya was trained to be proper and ready for anything.  

Dean followed Sam, who had asked for a table, and sat in a booth they were shown too. The booth was not too close, but not too far from where Amaya and Jason were sitting. Dean couldn’t help but frown at how easily Amaya laughed. It made his heart ache for his Amaya, to hear her laugh, to see her smile, to kiss her lips.

‘It’s over’ Amaya’s voice echoed in his head. 

Taking in a shaky breath, he knew he had to find a way to have Amaya be available for this world’s Dean. In some way, he hoped that the other Dean was realizing that Amaya was worth having in his life. Was worth loving and fighting for. 

“Dean?” Sam called to him. “Dean?” He waved his hand in front of Dean. 

“Yeah?” Dean snapped out of his thoughts. 

“You sure you want to do this?” Sam asked. 

“Yes,” Dean breathed. “I lost my Amaya, and when I get back, I need to fight for her. So I need to find a way for your Dean to have a chance.” 

 “What if this is what the witches want?” Sam wondered. “What if they wanted to get My Dean to never be with Amaya?” 

“Why?” Dean tilted his head as he asked. “That would mean there is an important connection. I mean why care if--” his eyes widened. “You don’t suppose that they think that your Dean and this Amaya are soulmates do you?”  

Sam opened and closed his mouth as he thought about it, “I never thought about it like that. I thought they were targeting Dean because we had been knocking out their network for a while now.” Sam ran a hand across his face. “I might need to look at the spell they cast. They also may have given Dean something to drink.”

“What makes you say that?” Dean asked as he leaned in and folded his hands on the table.  

“I was knocked out for a while, but when I came to, I noticed Dean was out of it,” Sam explained. “I noticed his lips had some sort of residue.” 

Dean let out a soft hum, “I noticed a small after taste in a whiskey I was drinking. In our Universe, witches can hide very cleverly. They know we can track them quickly.” He leaned back and ran his fingers through his hair. “We need to figure out what kind of ritual they performed.”  

“Guess when we get back, we can look through the books,” Sam suggested. 

“Yeah, that’s--” Dean froze when They saw someone familiar walking their way. 

“¿Qué demonios están haciendo aquí?” Amaya growled as she crossed her arms. (What in the goddamn hell are you guys doing here?) 

“Puedo explicarlo,” Dean began as he slid out from the booth and stood up. (I can explain). 

“¿Oh? por favor dime cómo tú y Sam me están siguiendo?” Amaya growled. (Oh? please tell how you and Sam are following me?)

“Look, Sam was showing me around,” Dean argued. “I mean, what better way to get the brain stimulated to think than to be--”

“Dean!” A male voice interrupted them. 

“Hey, Jason,” Dean said as he gave the man a thin lined smile. 

He looked exactly like the Jason he knew in his world. The Jason who was Ben’s real father. At least in his world, he wasn’t sure about this one. Jason rocked on his heels as he looked between Amaya and Dean. He could feel a small bit of tension between them. 

“You guys taking a break from something?” Jason asked casually trying to ease the discomfort he was feeling. 

“No,” Dean replied as Amaya answered, “Yes.”  

Dean and Amaya glared at one another. 

“Dean and Sam came to have a nice meal, and then they have to go back to researching,” Amaya clarified. 

“Actually,” Dean gave a small chuckle. “We are going to call it a night. I need a good drink and--” 

“We’re headed to the local watering hole if you want to join us,” Jason said. 

Amaya let out a groan. “Jason, are you sure? I mean I’m sure they’re tired.” Amaya sent Sam a pleading look. 

“I haven’t had a nice night out in a while.” Sam ponders. “I mean, if I don't use it, I will lose it, right, Amaya?” He gave her a smug grin. 

Amaya closed her eyes, as it was a losing battle. The teasing she and Dean did before this whole mess happened came back to bite her in the ass. Sam was sure that if looks could kill, he would already be dead. But he couldn’t help but smile at the thought that he was helping Amaya and Dean out in the long run. 

“I guess when you guys are done, you can join us at Spurs,” Amaya drawled and turned to Jason. “I’m going to grab my bike,” She rubbed at her forehead, letting out a small sigh. “Jason, I’ll meet you at Spurs,” she opened her clutch to look for her keys and walked out of the restaurant. 

“How long has it been since we last hung out?” Dean stated casually. 

“It’s been a while, haven’t seen you since that Wendigo hit up Yosemite.” Jason stated. 

This gave Dean a few clues. “Right, good thing I saved your ass.” Digging in to his memory of Sam’s clues of this world’s Dean being slightly arrogant. 

Jason let out a laugh, “Dude, I saved your ass. If it weren’t for me, you would have been hanging in that cave as a feast for the monster.” 

“No, I clearly remember having to light the bitch on fire and saving YOU from being its winter feast.” Dean said as he gave Jason a gentle slap on his shoulder. “Come on, let’s head to Spurs. Don’t want Maya to get too much of a head start, right?” 

Dean rushed out before he could mess up anything. Sam hot on his heels. When both men reached the Impala they breathed a sigh of relief. 

“You might need to fill me in on what happened on that hunt,” Dean said as he started the car.  

“Yeah,” Sam agreed. “I can start from the beginning.” 

In the alternate world, Dean paced in the living room, waiting for Sam to arrive. He helped himself to a glass of whiskey while he waited. It also gave him a chance to explore the house and look at everything inside. All the pictures that decorated the walls made his heart ache. He missed his Amaya. The way she was always able to calm him after a nightmare, the way she flirted, hell, he missed the feel of her lips on his. 

He started to kick himself mentally for what he said to her. He could have told her a different way, could have not been a dick. But what was done was done. He made a mental note to try and fix things with her. The knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts. He smiled when Sam stood there, garment bag and shoes in hand. 

“Anything bad happens,” Sam said as he pushed past Dean. “I blame you completely.” 

“Yeah yeah, Bitch,” Dean sighed. 

“Why did you call me a bitch?” Sam huffed crossing his arms. 

“Sorry,” Dean muttered. “It’s something my brother and I do. He calls me Jerk, and I call him Bitch.” Dean ran his fingers through his hair. He missed his brother. The guy in front of him looked like his brother, but he was far from being Sam. 

Sam nodded at the explanation, “I can see that. You are a bit of a Jerk.” Sam chuckled hoping to make Dean feel better. 

“Bitch,” Dean muttered automatically. “Thanks,” he said when he realized what Sam had done. “Okay, you brought the suit?” 

“Yup,” Sam pointed to it in the garment bag. “But, I am going to have to drill you on what to expect at this dinner.” 

“I figured as much.” Dean sighed as he opened up the garment bag to look at the suit. 

He let out a small whistle. The suit was nothing to scoff at. It was a tailored black three-piece suit complete with matching tie. Taking the garment bag, Dean made his way to the bathroom to shower and change. Sam looked around the apartment. It was strange being inside it with a man who looked like his brother, sounded like his brother, but was not his brother. The pictures around the room only made him cement the idea of bringing his brother back, even if it meant working with his counterpart.  

Sam watched as Dean came out of the bathroom and stood a bit straighter. If he hadn't known any better, he would say his brother never left. But then again, looking the part and playing the part are two very different things. 

“What?” Dean huffed as he looked around himself. “Am I missing something?” 

“No,” Sam sighed as she ran his fingers through his hair. “You look fine. Now on the way there, I’ll give you some information. Think of this as another ‘case’ if you will.” Sam suggested as he grabbed the keys. “I will feed you the information, and you will only answer if you are directly spoken to. If you mess up, we’ll just play it off as something having gone wrong on your mission.” 

“Still can’t get over the fact that you guys call cases, missions.” Dean scoffed. “I mean, you guys make it sound like you’re spies or something.” 

Sam let out a chuckle, “I guess that’s one way to put it.” He was walking to his car when he noticed Dean stop in his tracks. “What?” 

“You drive a charger?” Dean pointed to the car. 

“Yeah,” Sam acknowledged. “I mean, I’m not like Amaya and my brother who have two separate cars. One for hunting, although Amaya prefers her bike when she hunts alone. And the other car for everyday things.” 

“So, you don’t drive a  ‘67 Chevy Impala?” Dean inquired. His shoulders slumped at the thought of not being able to drive his baby.  

“Oh we have an Impala,” Sam said as he began driving towards the restaurant. 

“You do?” Dean shifted in his seat and looked at Sam. “So then why aren’t you driving her?”   

“She’s a special car. Dean takes care of her, and he only uses her for missions.” Sam explained. “Besides… he added some features that are only to be used on missions and not everyday outings. That’s what he has his more modern Impala for.” 

“And why didn't I know that he had a more ‘modern’ Impala?” Dean sneered. “I could be driving us to --” 

“You are not touching the cars!” Sam snapped as he stopped at a red light. “Let’s get this straight. You are nothing more than a visitor here, understand? And I will be damned if I let you touch anything that belongs to my brother.” 

Dean let out a chuckle, “You assholes really think that highly of yourselves here.” He ran a hand across his face. “I know how to take care of cars! For fucks sake I’ve had to rebuild Baby from the ground up a few times.” 

Sam cleared his throat as he continued the drive. It wasn't long before he drove up to the valet and both men made their way inside. 

“There you are!” 

Sam and Dean turned to see an older woman walking towards them.  

“Forgive us Grandma Millie,” Sam leaned in and gave her a kiss on her cheek. “Dean had a small incident on his mission and we were just going through the debrief.” 

Millie turned her eyes to Dean, “Are you alright? Does this have anything to do with the incident at the school?” 

“No,” Dean looked at Sam who mouthed ‘mamaw’. “Mamaw!” Dean smiled. “Just got my head knocked around that’s all.” He hugged her tightly and closed his eyes. 

It was strange seeing family members for the first time. Strange to hug them and pretend they had any form of relationship. He froze when he saw Samuel Campbell walking up to them. 

“Boys!” He pulled both Sam and Dean into a tight hug. “The best of the Winchester and Campbell clan!” 

Sam let out a laugh as he gave Samuel a pat on his back. Dean on the other hand froze. The man who betrayed them, the man who sold them out to Crowley, hugging them and saying he was proud. 

“Dean?” Samuel’s voice broke through his thoughts. “You okay, son?” 

“Yeah,” Dean snapped out of it when Sam punched him lightly on his leg. “Sorry, my head’s still jumbled.” 

“I have never known you to get all jumbled like that?” Samule’s eyes roamed over Dean. He seemed to be checking for anything else. “Must have been some mission. Was it the same witches that have been giving us trouble?” 

“That’s what it looks like Pops,” Sam interjected with a smile. “We need to say hi to Nana Deana, Mom, and Dad. So if you could excuse us.” Sam pulled Dean away as they made their way deeper inside. 

The Campbell-Winchesters had rented out the restaurant for the whole night. Dean was maneuvered around the room, having to give the same story over and over. It was tiring. Dean wasn’t sure how much more he could take. Excusing himself, he made his way to the bar and ran a hand across his face. 

“Whiskey, double on the rocks,” he ordered with a sigh. 

“Son?” 

Dean’s body froze at the familiar rumble of the deep voice. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath before turning to face the man that the familiar voice belonged to. 

“Hey, Dad,” Dean let out as he swallowed the lump in his throat. 

“You okay son?” John said, placing a firm hand on his son’s shoulder. “I know you’ve been saying that the mission really knocked you out… but I know you’re made of stronger stuff than that.” John shifted to stand beside Dean as he ordered himself the same drink his son had ordered. 

“Yeah,” Dean assured him. “I’m just… everything has been kind of spiraling.” 

John took in a deep breath as his son’s words sank in. “I know it can’t be easy trying to get Amaya back. But son… kissing Lisa Braden? You know better than that.” 

“I know,” Dean whispered. “I was… it… it was a momentary lapse of judgement.” Dean repeated what Sam had told him to say. “Sam thinks it was something the witches could have done. Seeing that Lisa said she felt like she was under a spell.” 

John let out a soft hum and nodded. “I can’t say I disagree with your brother.”  

Dean let out a huff with a smile, “Yeah, Sam is smart about those things.” He took a sip of his drink and smacked his lips together. 

“You okay son?” John turned to face him. “I know that what happened with Amaya wasn’t ideal but I know you can win her back.” 

“I--” Dean froze for a bit. He closed his eyes composing himself. “I can try.” He said after finding his voice. “But you know how stubborn she is.” 

John let out a chuckle, “That she is, son. But you are just as stubborn as she is. It’ll be okay.” 

“Excuse me, gentlemen,” a voice called from behind them. 

 Dean's back straightened at the sound of the voice. He turned slowly to come face to face with Amaya. Clearing his throat, Dean gave her his best smile. 

"I was wondering when you were going to join us for a drink," Dean said as casually as possible. 

Amaya plastered a smile on her face, "I was talking to some of our London associates." 

John seemed to tilt his head at that. "Everything okay?" 

"Everything will be talked about when we sit for dinner John." Amaya reassured him before turning her attention to Dean. "I thought you were going to rest?" 

“Oh a quick nap and I was feeling great,” Dean said as he smiled at her. “Sam was on his way and he swung by to pick me up.” he lifted his glass and nodded to Sam who made his way towards them. 

“Really?” Amaya looked over at Sam and raised an eyebrow at Sam. “John would you excuse us? I need to talk to your sons.” 

“Of course,” John agreed. He walked away from the trio. 

As soon as John stepped away, Amaya grabbed Sam and Dean by their arms and dragged them out to the terrace. 

“What in the hell do you think you are doing bringing this… this.. Jackass here to pretend to be Dean!?” 

“I am Dean!” Dean whined. 

“Not OUR Dean,” Amaya growled. “You should have stayed back at the apartment and you,” she turned to Sam, “Should not be encouraging this.” 

“If he doesn’t make an appearance, they will be suspicious,” Sam said cooly as he grabbed his glasses from his case and put them on. “Besides, this way, there can be a clean break since you are determined to not marry Dean anyways.” 

“I am not marrying Dean,” Amaya acknowledged. “But more because I don’t think he ever really wanted to. Four years Sam, we were engaged for four years. We could have married anytime after any of the incidents that plagued us. But we kept putting it off. Lisa was just the tip of the iceberg, with or without the witches interference.”  

“You don’t really believe that, do you Amaya?” Sam argued. 

Dean watched the interaction between the two of them. There was something hidden in Amaya’s demeanor that made the hunter curious as to why she was really pushing this world’s version of himself away. He tilted his head for a moment as she bit her lip. 

“Sam…” Amaya’s voice broke. 

“Amaya I have seen you and my brother love each other since you first showed up at the academy.” Sam walked up to her and tilted his head, “What aren’t you telling me Maya?” 

“I can’t have children,” she whispered. 

Dean could see her turn her head away in shame looking out into the night sky.

“What?” Sam breathed. “Maya, are you sure? I mean… did you--” 

“Eileen told me after she checked me out when Hecate attacked.” Amaya’s voice broke as she spoke.   

“What if she was wrong?” Sam inquired. “What if it’s all a part of the witch's plot to tear you and Dean apart.” 

“It’s too late,” Amaya shook her head and wiped away the tears from her eyes. “The wedding was set for next week and now…” Amaya turned and glared at Dean. “He is in Dean’s place. I can guarantee that the universe is working against us Sam. So I will be leaving.” 

“Leaving?!” Sam’s eyes widened at her admission. 

“Yes,” She nodded her head. “I have decided to transfer to London.” 

“London? To join the British division?” Sam shook his head in disbelief. 

“There is nothing to stop me Sam. I talked to Ketch and I signed the transfer. I just need Henry’s final approval.”    

“Excuse me,” A voice interrupted the trio. 

The three of them turned to come face to face with Millie Winchester. The older woman stepped out and looked at the trio. Her eyes went to Dean and she tilted her head slightly before turning to Sam and Amaya. 

“Your grandfather is ready to eat, boys. Amaya, I believe he wants to speak to you after dinner.” Millie Winchester said as she walked up to the trio. Her eyes lingered on Dean first. 

“You okay, Mamaw?” Dean asked after clearing his throat. 

“I’m fine, dear, “ she sighed as she walked up to him. She placed a hand on her cheek. “That mission must have been tough,” she muttered, placing a hand on her cheek. 

“I’m fine, mamaw,” Dean gave her a smile. 

“Your eyes though,” she leaned in. “Your eyes look like they have seen hell and back. Pain, loss, heartache. Whatever happened on this mission… you look like you’ve changed.” she gave him a knowing look.

Dean felt his breath get caught in his throat. What the old woman said, sent a shiver down his spine. Could she tell that he wasn’t her real grandson? Dean looked into Millie’s eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat, before giving her a smile. 

“I promise mamaw,” He let out. “I was just taken by surprise. I know it doesn’t happen often but it does happen.”   

Millie let out a soft hum as she nodded, “It can happen to the best from time to time.” she nudged his face to look into his green eyes. It was almost like she was studying him. “Still, there is something… off.” 

Dean closed his eyes before gently grabbing the old woman’s hand and removing it from his cheek. 

“I’m sure Grandpa Henry is hungry,” Dean reminded her. “We should head inside.” 

“You are absolutely right,” Millie chuckled with a smile. “And we know how he is with that Winchester appetite.” 

Sam walked over and led Millie inside while Amaya grabbed Dean holding him back from walking inside. 

“You are not going to open that mouth,” she breathed. She stood in front of him and adjusted his tie and jacket avoiding looking into his eyes. “You are going to keep conversations short and sweet. But other than that, you will sit there, be quiet, and look pretty.”    

“Awwww,” Dean mocked. “You think I’m pretty.” 

“Shut up, jackass.” Amaya drawled as she walked inside with Dean following behind her. 

Chapter 9

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[heyyyharry]

Chapter 5: So Big, So Small

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Stay Mine)

…in which Y/N says the truth and Harry cannot.

Word count: 6.6k

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Wattpad link (with original character: Thea as Y/N)

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“Blake, hi, what are you doing here?”

“Hey, I wanted to see you to--” Blake trailed off as soon as he saw Harry on Y/N’s couch. He gave a courteous smile which Harry returned, but if Y/N had paid attention, she would have noticed the passive hostility between them.

Harry trusted Y/N as much as she trusted him, but he didn’t trust Blake. He assumed Blake had been doing all those nice things for her because he wanted to slip back into her life as if all those years he’d been away had meant nothing. And of course, Harry couldn’t stop him from wanting to get her back, but Blake would be an idiot to think he had a chance.

“You were saying?” Y/N asked her ex-boyfriend, who immediately plastered a smile on his face.

“I’ve got some good news for you,” he said. “So I was helping my boss with this new case and guess who the client was? Wait for it...Laura Hilfgard!”

“The author?!”

“Yes!”

Seeing Y/N’s face lit up with joy, Harry couldn’t stay out of it anymore. He got up and walked up to them. Blake pressed his lips into a small smile when Harry put an arm around Y/N’s shoulders and gave her a chaste kiss.

“Blake met Laura Hilfgard, babe! She was his client.”

Her excitement brought a grin to Harry’s face. “That’s the author you like, isn’t it?”

“I didn’t think you’d know her, Harry.”

“Of course I know her.” Harry faked a smile at Blake. “I’ve read all the books beside Y/N’s bed, so I know every author she likes and dislikes.”

“That’s...very impressive.”

“Thank you.”

The sarcastic tone the men had exchanged went right over Y/N’s head as she turned back to Blake. “But what happened? Was she in trouble?”

“No, it’s actually the opposite.” Blake laughed. “She’s getting a divorce. She’s pretty happy about it.”

“Oh, good for her!” Y/N exclaimed, hugging Harry’s arm. “So, what was she like as a real person? I suppose she was just as sweet as I imagined.”

Blake nodded. “She was very sweet. She’s also a literary agent, did you know that?”

“Yes! I actually sent her my manuscript a long time ago but she hadn’t replied. It’s probably got lost in the spam.”

“Well, would you like me to give it to her in person?”

Y/N’s jaw dropped. She snapped her head to look at Harry, whose brows drew together as he tried to figure out what Blake was up to. But the guy didn’t even spare him a glance. He was only beaming at Y/N.

“I think Ms Hilfgard liked me,” Blake said. “I’ll ask her to read the story and give you some feedback. I mean, if that’s fine with you.”

“That’s better than fine! Thank you! Thank you!”

Y/N then told Blake to wait as she ran to the desk by the window and took out a yellow folder from the top drawer. Harry was still gawking at her when she hurried back to the door.

“You finished the story already?” he asked, forehead puckered up as she told him, “no, this is the old version.”

“Why don’t you wait until you’ve finished, love?”

“It’d take forever. Laura might not accept submissions anymore,” she said eagerly. “You said the old version was good, right?”

“Right,” the men answered at the same time and exchanged weird looks with each other, but Y/N couldn’t care less.

“Then it’s worth the risk,” she said with confidence, taking a deep breath. When she was sure they had nothing else to say, she kissed the folder for good luck and gave it to Blake. “If this works out, I owe you big time.”

“I’ll give it to her tomorrow.” He smiled. “I have a feeling that she’ll love it as much as I do.”

Y/N was over the moon, her eyes twinkled as she kept thanking Blake until he was gone, but seeing the look on Harry’s face pulled her back down to Earth.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he said as she shut the door.

“You’re not happy for me?”

“I am. You know I am.” Harry scratched the back of his head. “It’s just...you were mad at me for giving your manuscript to John Conall, but now you’re so excited and--”

“It’s not the same though! I was mad at you because I thought you asked Conall to sign me. That guy didn’t even bother to read my story, and you kind of bribed him by agreeing to attend his daughter’s birthday.”

“And how are you so sure Blake doesn’t personally know Laura Hilfgard?”

“Because...it’s...Blake.” Y/N gave a shrug, her face scrunched up as if she couldn’t figure out a proper explanation. “Babe, this is not personal. I just want someone to like my writing because they like my writing, and not because I’m -- because I’m your girl.”

Harry sucked in a breath. He took a step forward, wrapping his arms around her waist as she put her hands on his shoulders.

“You might be my girl, but you’ve always been a great writer,” he said. “And if people like your writing, they like your writing. It’s not because of me.”

“We don’t know that.” She shook her head, her eyes narrowed. “People are always gonna be biased when it comes to who knows who. You work in a similar industry, you know what it’s like.”

“I suppose.” Harry gave a nod and kissed her lips. “I’m sorry. Let’s not fight, okay?”

“We’re not fighting. We’re just...debating.”

“And you win.”

As he put his mouth on her neck, she tossed her head back, laughing and pushing him away. “I don’t want to win. I just want us to understand each other.”

“Do you think we understand each other now?” he asked.

“Yeah, I think so,” she mumbled, making him smile again.

Y/N held Harry’s cheeks and traced a thumb down the bridge of his nose. The creases between his brows disappeared as he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers.

“Are you okay?” she quietly asked. “You seem so worried. And I know it’s not only because Blake showed up.”

Harry released a slight laugh as he took another deep breath. “Gemma texted me. She wanted to know how it went.”

“Oh, no. What did you say to her?”

“I haven’t replied,” he admitted. “And I--I don’t think I’m going to.”

“Harry!”

“No, listen.” He grasped her elbows as she pulled away. “I need to get to know Winton so I could prove to Gemma that he’s really changed.”

Y/N took in a sharp breath and cocked her head in disbelief. “You want to get to know Winton now?”

“I already told you--”

“I thought you were just gonna forgive him and let him go. If you want my opinion, then I don’t think it’s a good idea to take him back into your life, let alone get to know him!”

“I have to.”

“No, you want to!” Harry froze at the emphasised word. She held his face, stepping closer. “Baby, I had wasted so many years hating my dad and blaming him for everything that went wrong….I thought I was torturing him, but I was also torturing me. So I understand, and I’m happy you chose to forgive Winton. But...I just--I just want you to be careful before taking him back into your life. I love you so much and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Harry lowered his head. As he said nothing at all, Y/N had to ask, “promise me you’ll be careful?”

He ground his jaw before meeting her lips, nodding slowly. “Yes, I promise.”

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“Bitch, look at me while I’m telling you a story!”

“Just a second!” Y/N tossed the second pile of clothes onto the bed and adjusted the laptop screen so her best friends on the video chat could get a better view. “Sorry, I’m having a fashion crisis right now.”

“Sounds serious,” Amala said, giggling at how Y/N was running around her room in an oversized tee and no pants.

“Are you going to another event with Harry?” Celine shook her fists enthusiastically. “I need to know the theme to help you decide if you should be a lowkey whore or go all out.”

“Cece!” Y/N cackled, her mouth fell open. “I’m not gonna be a whore. I’m having dinner with Harry’s dad and his half-sister tomorrow night!”

“Oh, shit,” Celine mumbled while Amala was in hysterics. “Then extra lowkey whore. Because you’re gonna fuck him after dinner anyway, right?”

“I hate that you know me,” Y/N said and all three of them dissolved into laughter.

“But wait,” Amala arched an eyebrow, “I thought Harry hated his dad and half-sister?”

“So did I, but he’s happy so I support him.” Y/N threw herself on the bed and lay on her stomach. “I’m still gonna make sure he’ll be careful with those two, just in case they’re not who they say they are.”

“Good.” Celine exhaled while exchanging looks with her wife. “Well, we also think you should be careful.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what we’re talking about.” Celine scoffed.

“Blake. Roman.”

“Why did you say his name like he’s Voldemort?” Y/N guffawed at Amala’s serious expression and ran her hand over her face, pushing her hair back. “I literally had to tell Harry that he was worrying for no good reasons, and now you--”

“He had a good reason,” Celine argued.

“And we’re with him on this one!” Amala added.

Y/N opened her mouth again but Celine didn’t even let her start. “Look, baby, the poor man is doing everything to get you back. He makes you dinner, checks on you whenever he gets a chance, and keeps asking to use your shower. I think he comes over even more often than Harry!”

“He’s just lonely, that’s all. He doesn’t know anyone else in London,” Y/N said as she sat up, rubbing her hands on her thighs. “Besides, you know I’m one hundred percent committed to Harry. I would never do anything to hurt him or our relationship. And I don’t even love Blake like that anymore.”

“I know, my love.” Celine sighed as she rested her head on Amala’s shoulder. “But Blake and Harry might not. Men are so stupid, you have to be straightforward.”

“Blake doesn’t love me anymore.”

“Do you really believe that?”

Amala’s question left Y/N tongue-tied. She blew out her cheeks, subconsciously picking at her nails as her eyes bored into the screen.

A knock on the door made her jolt right up.

“Y/N! Are you home?”

“Shit, it’s Blake.”

“Told ya.” Celine raised an eyebrow as she pursed her lips. “We should hang up now. Call us later?”

“Wait, don’t you wanna meet him? He asked about you guys.”

“He was never really our friend,” Amala said. “He was always too cool for us, and he hung out with us because of you.”

Y/N nibbled on her lip as Celine went on, “just don’t give him hope. You have to draw the line before he gets too close.”

Before Y/N could say another word, her two friends had ended the chat.

“Gimme a second!” she shouted to Blake and quickly put on her pyjamas pants so she could answer the door.

“I’m so sorry to disturb you,” Blake said as soon as she appeared, but she shushed him before he continued.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine.” She shook her head, her face brightened. “Did Laura respond?”

“Not yet.”

“Oh…” Her smile fell instantly. She had been waiting for good news for nearly a week and she had been so confident. So what if she was wrong?

“Laura is not in London at the moment,” Blake said when he saw her frown. “I gave your manuscript to her assistant and I’m sure it’ll get to her when she gets back.”

“Okay, thank you so much.” She nodded, smiling back at him. “So what do you need?”

“Um...this might sound annoying but...my shower broke again. Could I please use yours?”

“It broke again?” Y/N let out a harsh breath as she remembered what Celine and Amala had told her earlier. “Do you--do you mind if I come see it?”

Blake was taken aback by the response, but he didn’t question it as he invited her into his flat. It was neat and clean, the opposite of his childhood bedroom in Holmes Chapel. Such details reminded her that he was a different and grown man now, even though it hadn’t felt that way since he came back.

She followed him to the bathroom and he stayed at the door while she stepped into the shower. She turned the shower on and off a few times and not a single drop came out of it.

“Told ya.” Blake smiled when she turned around, her cheeks were so red she could feel them heating up.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” He shrugged, the way his eyes were fixed on her made her heart feel jumpy. “What’s wrong, Y/N? Tell me.”

Y/N took a little time to think, but Blake wasn’t patient enough to wait.

“Look, I totally understand if you want to say no. I’ll just wait until tomorrow and--”

“No, it’s not like that,” she cut him off, finally looking up and meeting his eyes. “I was just...talking to Cece--”

“Oh, Cece’s over there?” His face lit up, but she shook her head, smiling.

“I was video-chatting with her and Amala. They’re married now.”

“Yeah, I heard.” He rubbed his jaw. “I wasn’t invited but no hard feelings.”

Y/N snorted and rolled her eyes. “Anyway, you know how I tell the girls everything, right?”

“And they think I still have feelings for you?” Blake asked, his expression remained unchanged. He didn’t even give her a chance to answer before asking another question, “does Harry think so too? That would explain why he doesn’t like me.”

At this point, Y/N had no choice but to be honest.

“He could be dramatic sometimes,” she said, “but...he’s a very loving man. He cares about me and I really love him.”

“I’m sure you do.” Blake’s mouth twitched as he hung his head. “Look...When I first moved here, I was very lonely. It was so nice to find someone to talk to, and not just anyone, you. We basically grew up together, Y/N. You felt like home to me, and...and I couldn’t help but care about you, but only as a friend.”

“Yeah, that--that was what I told them.” She sighed.

“I don’t need them to get it, as long as you do.” He let out a laugh, lifting his shoulder in a half-shrug. “But I’ll take it down a notch from now on. I know how you feel when people care about you too much.”

“No, it’s fine, really. Harry always cares about me too much and I’m starting to enjoy the attention.”

Y/N didn’t expect a reply, but it came as a shock to her that Blake would give a mirthless laugh. “What’s so funny?”

Blake chewed the inside of his cheek as if thinking if he should tell her, and eventually, he decided that he should. “You’ve been on your own so often lately, I feel like your boyfriend has other priorities.”

Y/N put her hands on her hips as she scoffed, her mouth opened wide.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Y/N. I’m just telling you the way I see it.”

“Well, the way you see it, is wrong. You don’t even know him.”

“You don’t have to defend him. I know he’s an actor and he has a different life--”

“I don’t have to defend him because I know him. You don’t!” She stabbed a finger at his chest before crossing her arms. “And I’m actually gonna move in with him so I don’t care what you have to say.”

Y/N did not believe she’d said it out loud. She was just as shocked as Blake and both of them froze for a second, just staring at each other with their mouths agape.

“When are you moving in with him?” Blake spoke first, he sounded rather frantic though he tried not to be.

“I-I’m not sure yet,” Y/N uttered. “He asked me a while ago but I haven’t answered.”

Blake jammed his hands in his pockets, his eyes shifted to the floor. “Well then--when are you gonna tell him?”

Y/N wanted to answer that question but she didn’t know how. She leaned back against the glass wall of the shower, biting a nail and pondering for a minute. She was surprised Blake was patient enough to wait for her.

“I’m gonna tell him the next time I see him.”

Blake wasn’t happy with that answer, but Y/N was too busy worrying about something more important to give him her attention. The sound of water leaking from the showerhead brought her back to reality.

“Your shower’s working again,” was all she said before rushing out of the room.

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“Harry! Harry! Wanna read my new story?”

“Not now, Bambi! I’m busy!”

Nine-year-old Y/N stopped at the entrance of the treehouse as she found her older friend sprawling on the dusty wooden floor with paper, markers and paste. He didn’t stop to look at her, so she sat down beside him, crossing her legs and holding her pink notebook to her chest.

“Wow, is this for an art project?”

“No, it’s for Gemma,” Harry replied as he lifted the paper to show her what he’d been working on. It was an awful portrait of his older sister. She had red eyes, two devil horns on top of her head, and was spitting out fire. The word ‘PRANKED’ was written in capital letters right in the middle of the drawing.

“That’s so mean.” Y/N cringed, but Harry seemed rather satisfied with her reaction.

“Her new boyfriend is a jerk. He treats me like sh--I mean, he treats me terribly when she’s not around, but she always believes him and not me.”

Y/N took some time to think before she spoke, “it seems to me that Gemma is blinded by love. But why do you blame her for what her boyfriend did?”

Harry stopped colouring for a second. Y/N believed he was trying to think of an answer, and when he realised he didn’t have one, he said, “either you’re on my side or stay out of this.”

“Of course I’m on your side. Always.” Y/N sighed and put down her notebook. She guessed her story could wait.

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Y/N was holding Harry’s hand under the table when Winton and Emilia arrived at the restaurant. They were looking around with eyes bulging out of their heads, so Y/N guessed they had never been to a place like this before. The first time Harry had taken Y/N to a fancy restaurant, she had been so thrilled, yet so scared that she wouldn’t fit in, so she knew exactly how Winton and Emilia must be feeling now.

But they weren’t the only ones who were nervous about that dinner. Harry was shaking his leg rapidly under the table while talking in such a chill manner that no one could tell he was faking it. His acting skills could be so useful in this kind of situation, but even so, the dinner still felt very awkward.

One person would be talking while the others tried to act interested, and there would be silence in between separate topics during which everyone was just eating and avoiding eye contact. It took them almost an hour, but once they had grown more comfortable with each other’s presence, the conversation flowed more easily.

Harry and Emilia found a common ground as film topics were brought up, and Y/N was happy to find out Winton was a dedicated reader and understood her passion for books and writing.

Harry had never wasted an opportunity to praise his girlfriend, so he couldn’t shut up about what a great writer she was. It made her feel like she was with her dad at a family gathering, but to be honest, she didn’t mind at all.

In the middle of the dinner, Winton noticed the ring on Harry’s hand and he happily exclaimed, “is that my ring?”

“This one?” Harry smiled as he looked at it. “No, it just looks like yours. I lost your ring when I was a kid and Y/N gave this one to me for my last birthday.”

“Aww, you guys are the definition of true love,” Emilia said with both hands on her chest.

“Thank you,” Y/N said, giving her boyfriend a funny stare which made him scoff into his fist. In their talk last night before bed, they had both agreed that Emilia was weird, but since they and the people they hung out with weren’t exactly the definition of normal, Emilia’s personality had never really bothered them.

“I have one good news!” Emilia said as the waiters brought desserts to their table. “Isaac asked me to be the model for his next shoot, and I said yes! Isn’t it exciting?”

“Wow, congratulations, Emi,” Harry said as he exchanged looks with Y/N again.

Emilia laughed at their dumbfounded reaction. “I know what you two are thinking. Isaac and I are just friends. He’s just really nice to me.”

“Did he tell you where Harry was having his photoshoot the other day?”

The question froze Winton and Emilia to the spot. Y/N honestly didn’t expect that, she simply asked that question because she and Harry had assumed Isaac was the one who’d told them.

As Winton was about to answer, Emilia blurted out, “yes, how else would we know?”

Y/N breathed out a smile, letting go of Harry’s hand under the table to fold her arms on top of it. She wondered why Emilia appeared so apprehensive. Did she think she was about to be exposed? Did she have secrets to hide?

“It’s just Isaac had never blindsided Harry like that. You two must be very close,” Y/N said, not breaking eye contact with Emilia, who leaned back into her chair and smoothed out her dress.

“Oh, come on, Y/N. Don’t be jealous.”

“Jealous? Why would I be jealous?”

Harry tapped Y/N on the arm but she shrugged him away, and Emilia pretended like she didn’t see her father’s warning glare.

“You used to model for Isaac, right?”

“That’s enough, Emilia,” Harry spoke as Winton heaved a sigh and picked up a fork to eat his dessert.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, it was a joke,” Emilia said as she touched Y/N’s hand on the table, but Y/N immediately pulled it away to hold Harry’s hand instead.

“It’s okay. Let’s just move on.”

Seeing the uneasy look on Emilia’s face, Y/N believed there was more to this girl than a bubbly personality and a tragic past. She must have had something to hide.

.

.

.

“I don’t trust Emilia,” Y/N said as soon as she was alone in the car with Harry.

He drove away, keeping his eyes on the road and one hand on her thigh. “I agree, she was talking too much about her biscuits.”

“No, I’m serious!” She smacked his arm as he cackled. “Didn’t you see the way she reacted to me asking about Isaac? What was that all about?”

“I think she’s just odd, but she means no harm. Well, except for when she was rude to you, that was unacceptable!”

Y/N laughed slightly and rolled her eyes. “I don’t know. I think she might have manipulated Isaac into telling her where you were.”

“Or...Isaac did it because he wanted me to hear Winton’s side of the story. Isaac is all about justice and kindness and forgiveness.” Harry gave a shrug and stole a quick glance at his girlfriend. “You look so sexy when you’re acting like a detective, but don’t get stressed out about this, babe.”

“You’re right.” She exhaled, fanning herself. “You’re probably right. Now I’m being weird.”

He chuckled and squeezed her thigh. “Are you tired, kid? I cannot wait to get back and go to sleep!”

“Go to sleep?” She gasped. “What about me?”

A corner of his lips turned up as he stole another look at her. “What about you?”

“You haven’t fucked me in two days.” She raised two fingers, pouting like a child, making him laugh.

“Oh, no. I haven’t?”

His fake surprised reaction got her amused. She leaned in and whispered into his ear, “if you’re tired, you can go to sleep. I promise I won’t be too loud.”

“Stop it! You’re gonna make me crash my car!”

As he started squirming in his seat to fix the bulge in his pants, she was shaking with laughter.

“You think this is funny?” He smirked. “Just wait until we get home.”

.

.

.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes, I’m sure, Bambi,” Harry asserted. “You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to.”

“I want to!” Y/N said a bit too loud and the older boy shushed her as they kept tiptoeing up down the hall. Harry got down on his knees, so Y/N did the same and crawled behind him towards Gemma’s bedroom door. He sat on his heels, smiling devilishly while taking one last look at the envelope in his hand.

To: Gemma

From: Dad

“What if she gets angry and kills us?” Y/N whispered.

“Then we’ll die like heroes,” Harry told her, trying not to laugh at the way her breath quickened out of fear. Her face screwed up as she saw him kiss the fake letter before handing it to her and telling her to do the same.

“What’s it for?”

“Good luck.”

“Oh.” Her mouth formed a tiny circle. She quickly kissed it and gave it back to him.

Harry slipped the letter under his sister’s door and sat by it with his back against the wall. Y/N hurriedly rushed to his side and flopped down, hugging his arm tightly. Despite how worried she looked, the boy seemed enthusiastic. He covered his mouth and tittered into his palm.

“Oh man, she’s going to be--”

“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!”

The kids screamed when Gemma burst out of her room. She tackled Harry to the floor before he could run and started hitting him while he was kicking her back to defend himself. Y/N was bawling as she tried to pull Gemma away, but Gemma was too strong and Harry was helpless. Gemma’s fist hit Y/N’s head by accident and knocked her to the ground. Fortunately, Anne showed up just in time to break off the fight before it got worse. She held Gemma back so Harry could escape. The boy crawled towards his little friend and hugged her to his chest. Both of them were crying.

“Let me go! Let me kill him! I’m gonna kill you, you little jerk!”

“Gemma, calm down!” Anne held her daughter tighter. Gemma was kicking and screaming and Y/N could’ve sworn she had never seen someone so angry. For a second, she thought Gemma’s head was about to explode like one of those cartoon characters on the TV, but suddenly, she buried her face into her mother’s chest and started sobbing.

Y/N was in shock. Why was Gemma crying? Because of the drawing? It was just a stupid drawing. Y/N was trying to figure out the answer when Harry took her hand and pulled her with him. They hurriedly ran downstairs, leaving Gemma with Anne.

Anne returned to the living room fifteen minutes later to find Harry and Y/N sitting on the couch, holding hands but too scared to speak.

“Harry, go to your room. We need to talk.” Anne jerked her head towards the staircase, and Harry gave Y/N one last look before he stood up.

The little girl rose from the couch as she watched her older friend run upstairs. His mother turned back to her with a gentle smile and said, “you should go home, Y/N.”

“But...”

“Harry will be fine.”

Y/N’s lip shuddered as she clasped her hands together. “Please don’t ground him! If you do, please let him come to the treehouse.”

“Just go home, baby. I promise you Harry will be fine.” Anne smiled and touched the little girl’s cheek. “It’s Father’s Day. Why don’t you spend it with your dad?”

“It’s Father’s Day?”

“Yeah, you didn’t know?”

“No.” Y/N’s eyes shifted to the floor as she started fidgeting with her own fingers. “My dad is out of town, and...and we never celebrate it anyway.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

Y/N quickly looked up. “Was that why Gemma was crying? Because she missed her dad?”

Anne didn’t answer that question. “Why don’t you wait for Harry in the treehouse?” she said. “He’ll be there after we’ve talked about what happened.”

Y/N thanked Anne before she left and went straight to the treehouse to wait for Harry. She was pacing back and forth and biting her nail, and as soon as she heard his footsteps at the entrance, she turned her head so fast it could’ve fallen out.

She rushed towards him and hugged him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her and chuckled. “You’re acting like I just went to war or something.”

“Are you grounded?”

“Yeah, but I’m still allowed to see you.”

Y/N put a hand on her chest and exhaled in relief as they sat down on the floor. Y/N wasn’t sure if she should bring it up or let it go, but she was curious to know how Harry felt about what had happened.

“Did you fake that letter because it was Father’s Day and you know Gemma was expecting it?”

The boy hung his head like a criminal in a courtroom, nodding slowly before he confessed, “yes.”

“Were you expecting a letter too?”

There was a pause.

“Yes.”

Y/N thought she should stop, but she couldn’t help it. She got on her knees and scooted closer to him, holding his hands on his lap. “What did your mother say to you? Was she angry?”

“No…” He breathed and looked up. “She was more disappointed...and sad…She made me apologise to Gemma.”

“So you two made up?”

“Not really. Gemma didn’t want to see me, but she’ll forgive me in a few days when she forgets. She always does.”

“What about her boyfriend?” Y/N asked, making Harry snort.

“I’ll come up with another plan for him.”

“Harry...”

“Just kidding, Bambi.” He pressed his lips into a smile and rubbed the red spot on her forehead where Gemma had accidentally hit her. “Does it hurt?”

She shook her head and pushed his hand away, not wanting to let him change the subject. “You’ve never liked any of Gemma’s boyfriends though. Why is that?”

“Because they were all jerks.”

“Not true. The last boy was nice.”

As Harry couldn’t disagree, he rolled his eyes and admitted, “she doesn’t need a boyfriend, she’s happy with us.”

“She’ll have to get married at one point.”

“No, she doesn’t. Marriage sucks. It only hurts people. Look what it’s done to your parents and mine, and us.” Harry picked up a yellow leaf at his feet and stared at it for a long moment. “You know, my mum told me that...after my dad left she had never felt so lonely. She had to take on more responsibility and did all the things my dad used to do when he was still here. The house that used to be small for the four of us suddenly felt so big. You might think missing one person wouldn’t make a difference but it does, Bambi. You’re lucky your parents are still together.”

“And that my house is smaller than yours,” she said with a serious face and he couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh.

“And that, too.”

Y/N took some time to gather her thoughts before she told him, “well, when I grow up, I will sell my stories and buy a small house so I won’t feel too small compared to it.”

“That’s nice, Bambi.” Harry beamed as he rubbed the red spot on her forehead gently. “What will you do with the rest of your money?”

“I’ll buy tickets to visit you once in a while,” she happily said. “You’re gonna be an actor, right? Actors travel a lot. You’re gonna have ten houses in ten different countries!”

“Well, if I’m so rich, I can just buy you tickets so you can visit me.”

“No, thanks, sir.” She pushed his hand away again, lifting her chin and crossing her arms. “I’m gonna make my own money because I’m gonna be an independent woman.”

“Of course, you are. I believe in you,” he said and tapped her nose. “Now, since I’m grounded and have nothing better to do, why don’t we read your new story?”

.

.

.

Harry and Y/N arrived at his house in no time. He drove his car into the underground garage, so eager to take his girlfriend to bed and call it a day. They raced each other upstairs to the living room like two little kids, completely carefree and unaware of what was waiting for them, well, who was waiting for them.

Harry stopped dead in his tracks as he loosened his arms around Y/N’s waist, and she turned around, eyes wide with shock.

“Your assistant let me in,” Gemma said as she got up from the sofa.

“What...what are you doing here?” Harry faltered, he let go of Y/N and walked up to his sister who was standing with her arms crossed.

“Where were you?” Gemma asked.

“We went on a date,” Harry told her. Y/N couldn’t believe he lied. She was biting her nail while waiting for Gemma’s response.

“I was invited, you know.”

“What?” Harry froze. And so did Y/N.

“To the dinner.” Wait, what? “Some girl named Emilia Styles called me. Do you happen to know her?”

Y/N’s brain stuttered for a moment and every part of her went on pause, waiting for her thoughts to catch up. She could only see Harry’s back from where she stood, but he was standing so still as if he’d stopped breathing.

“I knew something was wrong when you didn’t text me back and I got the phone call,” Gemma said slowly. “I turned her down. Don’t worry, I was polite because I didn’t know the girl. But I know you. You’re my brother. And saying that I’m disappointed and angry would be an understatement.”

“Gem--”

“Don’t!” Gemma raised her voice, making Harry jump. He reached for her hand and she pushed him away. “God, you are so fucking obsessed with wanting him back you let him get into your head and you lied to me!”

“I was going to tell you, I just didn’t know how! But--but Winton is not who we thought he was.”

“I don’t fucking care, Harry!” she shouted, pointing her shaky finger to his face. ”I don’t give a fuck if he’s joined the military or become a priest or been saving lives in Africa! No matter how ‘good’ he’s become, he’s still dead to me!” She gnashed her teeth as her bottom lip trembled. “And right now, I can’t help but feel the same about you.”

“You don’t mean that,” Harry’s voice broke. Y/N was white as chalk and her eyes were as wide as they could stretch. She wanted to say something, but she knew if she spoke, it would only get worse.

Gemma raised her chin as she clenched her jaw and whispered, “yes, I do. You are becoming selfish just like him, it makes me sick.”

“Gemma!”

Harry chased his sister out of the door, leaving Y/N to drown in the gloomy silence of the mansion. She gave herself a moment to catch her breath before going to the backyard for some fresh air. There was an outdoor pool which was cleaned every two days, but Harry rarely used it as he was busy all the time.

She sat down on the edge, feet dangling in the blue water. The soothing coolness helped her relax until she heard his voice from behind, “don’t jump in without me.”

She pulled her legs up, about to stand up but Harry had already sat down next to her.

“How was it?” she asked as he rolled his pants and put his feet into the pool.

“She left before I could catch up.”

“I’m so sorry, babe.” Y/N wrapped an arm around his shoulders, rubbing his arms. “Maybe you should give her a day or two to cool off and then apologise.”

“I’m afraid it’s not that easy.” He breathed while staring at the water. “It might have been like that when we were children, but it’s different now. We’re both adults. I knew there would be consequences, yet I couldn’t help it.”

Y/N sucked her lips into her mouth, her chest felt so heavy. She hated to see him sad and he had been through so much since the death of his stepfather. She was desperate to cheer him up, she would do anything.

“I think I’m ready.”

Harry turned to look at Y/N, his forehead creased as he was confused. “For what?”

“I’m ready to move in with you,” she said, but a smile turned into a frown as his reaction wasn’t anything like she’d expected. “What? Are you not happy?”

“I am.” He kissed her twice, holding her face. “But...are you?”

“Of course I am. I love you.”

But even after hearing those words, Harry still seemed unsure.

“Do you really want to or you just feel like you have to?”

Y/N was just about to say she wanted to, but her mouth froze as soon as it opened. Do you really want to, Y/N? she asked herself while looking around his enormous backyard.

“Hey, it’s all right.” He cupped her cheeks and turned her face back to him. She expected him to be mad, but he flashed her a toothy grin instead. “You know, when I saw you sitting here all alone, I realised how small you looked compared to all the space in this house. And I think I know the reason you were so reluctant to make that decision.”

“Harry--” She took his wrists, but he didn’t let go.

“Bambi,” he looked into her eyes and smiled, “I think you should keep your flat for now until we’re both ready for such commitment. At least you have your neighbours and won’t be so lonely when I’m away.”

“So it means…” she trailed off, biting her lip. “It means you don’t hate Blake anymore?”

The way Harry cringed at the name made Y/N giggle.

“I still hate that kid, and I still don’t trust him,” he said, his nose crinkled, “but I trust you, and I know you will put him in his place if he ever tries to cross the line.”

“Thank you.” Y/N wrapped both arms around his neck as he hugged her waist, burying his nose into her hair.

“Thank you for putting up with me, kid. As long as you stay, I wouldn’t care if everyone else left.”

“Don’t say shit like that.” She playfully hit his back but didn’t let him go. “I’m gonna have a serious talk with your crazy half-sister tomorrow. She’s crossed the line this time.”

Harry pulled away, eyebrows drew together. “Do you think Isaac gave her Gemma’s number?”

“Probably. For all we know, he could be brainwashed,” she said, making him laugh.

“Well, let’s not make an assumption too soon.”

“Agreed.” Y/N nodded once and dramatically puffed out her chest as she cleared her throat. “I promise you we’ll get to the bottom of this and find out what secrets this young woman might be hiding!”

“Holy shit, you���re so hot when you talk like Sherlock Holmes!”

Y/N’s lips curved into a smile as she poked the dimple on his cheek. “And you’re so lucky to have me.”