#Which is unrealistic but I can dream
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What's ur comm queue look like
Still short, more of less the same but everything has progressed to different stages. Sketches for the after dark ones will go out after a little more refinement. There is a complex one to get done (Tapestry comms take a WHILE), but everything is slower given non-art work.
Gonna keep em closed rest of the year or longer (if they extend the project I'm on) unless I have to take some or want to take 1 more. I do have enough money saved up that even if I don't have work the start of next year, unless something happens I can spend the several months pinching pennies-- but what is big for me is that means I can also rest.
#I appreciate having comms as an option but if I don't need to take them for the next year or so I'd be real happy about it#Which is unrealistic but I can dream#Capitalizing on my art is not the ideal for me but it's been a necessity due to my situation#But I also like stable income every week or 2#And temporary jobs mean I get breaks in between the next one usually#I'm burnt out in every respect can ya tell?#asks#I should be on the state medicaid next year so that's no health insurance monthly premium to shell out#So that's nice
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So I was on reddit and I saw someone saying this in response to somebody else saying there would be no character in asoiaf that wouldn't have killed aerys in jaime's place:
"Once the Rossart was dead, there was virtually no threat of wildfire nukes. There was practically no reason to kill him. He wanted to kill him."
And I just..get so frustated bc, let's put it this way: aerys is the king, that alone makes everyone around him be his yes man, add to this that the king is a mad fucker and will kill anyone if he so much as wakes up with a bad mood and you have the unlucky pleasure of passing by him in the morning, everyone around him will be even less inclined to so much as question him. This is a court that just watches as the king kills anyone, even high lords, in unnecessarily cruel ways just bc, as he killed one of his hand's bc he refused to carry out one of his orders or something, even the queen has no protection against the king. These are the ppl surrounding the king. So you're telling me that the city will be safe from going kaboom just bc you, the 17yo hostage guard, killed one of the king's MANY pyromancers and put the king in a cell? No one will see the mad fucker in a cell and get him out? Once out of his cell, the mad fucker totally will not turn and say "hey, this bitch put me, the king, in jail, that's treason, kill him" and they will just not do it? You're telling me the other pyromancers totally did not have a back up plan of "if they didn't hear from Rossart every 2 hours or something push the nuclear button"? No? Everything would be totally fine as long as you kill the ONE errand man but keep alive the man giving the orders everyone feels compelled to obey, be it by duty or fear, that's totally fine right? it'll work out, promise â
the thing about redditors is that they cannot read and they also refuse to engage with what this story is actually exploring like a good 90% of the time
#ask#like u can make an argument that someone else in the same exact scenario mightve stopped it too#like barry etc#but god it misses the point of the aerys tragedy#which is the fact that so many ppl allowed him and gave him power to do what he did#bc the institution they are in and the system they r in#to the point that it escalated to a nuke#with only a teenager to be even there to stop it#and if u know the world we r living in this is not unrealistic actually đ#+#âa king keeps no secrets from his kingsguardâ#and then from the visions we get from ned and jaimes weirwood dream#it keeps being indicated that w some of them even this threat wasnt enough lol#valyrianscrolls#not even touching âhe didnt need to kill aerys he couldâve avoided thatâ bc i find that just hilarious sorry#on multiple levels
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so ... that stupid totk masterworks book has been out for a while hasnt it?
does anyone know if its possible to find a version somewhere you dont have to pay for? (especially the german version) so i can avoid that at all costs of course, i definitely totally plan to spend money on it
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#i know i asked this before but?#doesnt hurt to ask again#especially since it has been a while#idk if its been out everywhere but i havent heard anythign of it in a while#to be clear i dont want it bc i like it- if i liked it i would pay for it#its just so i can make my full rant be truly fully complete#i have been holding back writing on it bc i dont want to write pages full of stuff only for it to be completely changed by the book#....yeah one of my goals before the end of the year is to get that at least properly started#the other is to get at least one update for chapter two of destiny out#i am so torn between working on different projects#like i also feel like i can only do the rant if i got my rewrite fully done with all the concepts in presentable condition etc#which ... is just ... kind stupid to do but i feel like if i dont put as much effort into it as possible its gonne be dismissed-#-if i brough it up in the rant at the end like i planned#to present a fully reworked version and everything that might convince people i do got at least a lil bit of a feeling for that stuff#and its not just whatever unrealistic dream gamer game tm or something#though its also not what i wanted or expected- its just what id do#.. anyway ... totk rants been haunting me again
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getting into my top choices for college is great but iâve come across a new problem and thatâs deciding where i want to go
#are any of my mutuals also seniors and having this issue#most of my friends know exactly where they want to go and i canât relate at all#i really like all of my options but none of them are perfect#which is an unrealistic expectation but a girl can dream
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its an unrealistic fantasy but i really just want someone to be a LITTLE pushy with me because im way too timid to actually go for what i want (i will IMMEDIATELY fawn or freeze up the second anyone talks to me) like why cant someone just read my mind... unfair...
#i want someone to recognize that my automatic negative responses are NOT purposeful they dont reflect my actual feelings#but of course most polite nice people WONT do this obviously because i just look scared and uncomfortable#(which is a good thing again this is unrealistic for a reason... dont go pushing on people who seem upset)#bc IF someone is like 'do you want this' i WILL just say 'oh no its fine' and i CANNOT stop myself from saying this#its like some automatic thing bc im trying to not allow someone to become upset with me#the primal brain logic is 'if you ask for nothing ever nobody can get mad at you' but thats stupid bc then#you just seem uninterested and most people who care abt your feelings will back off because you. seem not into them#why cant someone be sweet and polite but simultaneously pushy and overriding... but in a nice way...#too much to ask but i can dream...
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can't believe I figured out a kink I might have because of a dream lol
#in the dream my in sys partner laid not-fertilised eggs in me but as a naga or dragon? idk we are . fuzzy on the details#and then I tried some stuff w them in headspace since we can do like. anything we can imagine if we want to#they put gelatin egg shaped things in me w a tentadick w some. unrealistic cervix and uterus biology and I think Im into it idk lol#I think I may tolerate some eggpreg thats like#true pregnancy but idk#I dont even know why Im experiencing this#It may also be a one off thing I'll realise Im not consistently into since the body is probably ovulating rn#but. basically dont want to have kids but like the sensations involved in eggpreg#so like. fake eggpreg would be my thing#which. is kind of doable w gelatin spheres I guess#just. limited to vagina#due to anatomical limitations
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After watching Cinderella (the original animated movie, which was my favorite as a child), it strikes me how it solves many common problems people have with this fairy tale. Like:
Why did they try to identify the mystery girl using her shoe size? Because the bullheaded king's only clue to her identity was the shoe the Grand Duke picked up off the steps.
Why didn't the prince recognize her by her face? Because his father wouldn't involve him in the process at all, and wasn't the one going around trying to find her.
Why did the prince want to marry a lady he only met that night? Because his father was going to force him to marry someone, and he genuinely liked this woman.
Why did Cinderella want to marry a man she only met that night? Because marriage was her best and most secure way to freedom. Fucked up, but you can't say it's unrealistic for the setting of a fairy tale. She also genuinely liked him.
If they're using the slipper to find her, wouldn't it be more sensible to search for the person with the other slipper? Yes. The King is purposefully nonsensical and the Duke is purposefully terrified enough of him to carry out his orders to the letter. Furthermore, they end up doing that in the end anyway, because the Duke's glass slipper is shattered, and Cinderella brings out the one she has to prove her identity.
Why didn't the stepmother and stepsisters recognize Cinderella at the ball? Because they were dancing too far away, and then left the party to dance in private, which was possible because the King wanted very badly for his son to hit it off with someone and tried to arrange the best conditions for that to happen.
Why didn't Cinderella save herself? Because in real life, abuse victims should not have to shoulder that responsibility, and usually can't. In real life, you need and deserve an external support system. Asking for help, in this kind of situation, is very important. She is saved by others because she is loved. Because she is not alone. Because she has friends who love her, and want her to be happy and safe and free. Because in real life, people who want to help someone who is suffering are like the mice. We can't pull out miracle solutions, but we can provide companionship and if we're in the right place at the right time, we can help the person find a better life.
Why didn't the fairy godmother save Cinderella from her abusive household, or try to help her sooner? Because she's magic, and magic can't solve your problems. Quote: "Like all dreams, well, I'm afraid it can't last forever." This (and Cinderella's dream of going to the ball) is a metaphor for pleasurable things in bad circumstances. An ice cream won't get rid of your depression, but it will provide you with momentary happiness to bolster you, as well as the reminder that happiness in general is still possible for you. Cinderella doesn't want to go to the ball so she can get away from her stepmother and stepsisters, or so she can meet someone to marry and leave with. She wants to go to the ball to remind herself that she can still have things she wants. That her desires matter. This is important because the movie does a very good job of illustrating Lady Tremaine's subtle abuse tactics, all of which invisibly press the message that Cinderella doesn't matter. While going to the ball and fulfilling her dreams may not be a victory in the material sense, it is still a victory against Lady Tremaine's efforts.
Why is Cinderella's choice to be kind and obedient framed as a good thing, when you are not obligated to be kind to your abuser? This one walks a very fine line, but I think the movie still makes it make sense. Lady Tremaine never acknowledges her cruelty. She always frames her punishments of Cinderella as Cinderella's fault. Cinderella is interrupting, Cinderella is shirking her duties, Cinderella is playing vicious practical jokes. Cinderella is still a member of the family, of course she can go to the ball, provided she meet these impossible conditions. Lady Tremaine's tactics are designed to make Cinderella feel like she must always be in the wrong and her stepmother must always be in the right. If Cinderella calls her stepmother out on her cruelty, or attempts to fight back, Lady Tremaine can frame that as Cinderella being ungrateful, cruel, broken, evil, etc. If Cinderella responds to her stepmother's cruelty defiantly (in the way she's justified to), she's not taking control out of Lady Tremaine's hands. Disobedience can be spun back into her stepmother's control. She wants Cinderella to be angry and sad and show how much she's hurting. So since Cinderella is adapting to her situation, she chooses to be kind. Not only because she naturally wants to be and it's part of her personality, but because it is a form of defiance in its own way, and it allows her to keep a reminder of her agency and value. Her choice to be kind is her chance to keep her own narrative alive: she is not obeying because her stepmother wants her to and she has to do what her stepmother does, but because she wants to. It's a small distinction, but one that makes all the difference in terms of keeping her hope and identity. (Fuck, I wrote a whole paragraph about how this doesn't mean you can't be angry at people who hurt you or that you need to be kind to deserve help, and then deleted it by accident. Uh. Try again.) Expressing anger and pain is an important part of regaining autonomy and healing. Although it is commendable to be kind while you are suffering, it is NOT required for you to get help or be worthy of help. If Cinderella's recovery was explored beyond "happily ever after" she would need to let herself be angry and sad to heal. Cinderella is not only kind because it comes naturally to her, but because it's her defense against the abuse she's suffering. Everyone's story and experiences are different, and one does not invalidate the other.
Bonus round for answers that aren't part of the movie:
Why didn't Cinderella run away? Where would she go? Genuinely, in hundreds-of-years-ago France, where would she go if she snuck out of the window with a change of clothes? With her step-family, she's miserable and abused, but she's fed, clothed, and in no danger of dying or being taken advantage of by anyone other than her stepmother and stepsisters. Even if she escapes and manages to find financial security, her stepmother might be able to find her and get her back.
Why didn't Cinderella burn the house down with them inside it/slit their throats in the night/poison their food/etc.? Because that's a revenge fantasy, and this story is a fantasy about being saved. There's nothing wrong with making Cinderella into a revenge fantasy. That's perfectly fine, as long as you acknowledge that the other type of fantasy is also a valid interpretation. (I mean, the original fairy tale features the stepsisters getting their feet mutilated and all three of them getting their eyes pecked out, so go for it.)
Why isn't Cinderella more proactive in general? Because she's a child who has been abused for the back half of her life, who has had to be focused on survival because. you know. she's an abused kid.
How did she dance in glass slippers? Gotta agree with you there man, that's weird.
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If I Was Your Boyfriend
"If he was your boyfriend, he would give you the actual world. Sadly he is just your best friend with the biggest unrequited crush ever."
Pairing: Jungkook x f.Reader
Genre: Unrequited Crush!AU, Idiots in Love!AU, Best Friends to Lovers!AU, Slice of Life, Fluff, Romance
Warnings: OC is scared of a bug (me fr), he kills it for her, he would do anything for her, yearning, unrequited feelings (? mhhm ?), listen. he may be a lil bit dense when it comes to reading signs jsjjss bless his heart, i need him as my boyfriend, so much tension between them, jsjsjs this is pure torture i want them to kiss!!, brief mention of adult toys, miscommunication because he suuucks at love confessions, protective & slightly jealous!Kook, he is the greenest flag though like seriously, the happiest end hihi, the inspo was seven mv kook, she is shorter than him because i have the hugest size kink with him and this is so self-indulgent <3, once again i need him as my boyfie
Wordcount: 10.5k
a/n: sometimes i have ideas for one specific trope without wanting to write the whole book lmaooo, so enjoy this lil slow burn fluff scenario which is so self-indulgent and fanfiction coded. also, it was inspired by a real life event where i found a bug in my bed and i had to kill it on my own :( i was being very brave about it đ ps: this is very unrealistic 'cause like why would you only be best friends with HIM? that wouldn't be an unrequited crush if that was me. happy birthday to kookie đ
The call comes around two at night. Jungkook picks up with the first ring. He was working out before that.
âHello? Are you okay?â he asks, resting his head against the edge of the sofa as he is currently sitting on the floor. He was doing sit ups before that, trying his hardest to regulate his sped-up breathing right now.
âKook, please help me.â
Jungkook sits up straight.
âWhere are you? Are you safe?â
âI donât know. I think itâs following me. I locked it inside my room but I can still hear it.â
âStay with me, Iâm getting dressedâ, he says, jumping to his feet to hurry to his front door.
âPlease hurry please. Iâm so scared.â
âIâm coming, donât worry. Are you home?â
âYes. Hurry please.â
âIâm coming, stay strong. Yeah?â
âYes, thank youâ, you say and end the call.
Jungkook curses, shoving the phone into his pants pocket. He puts on his jacket as he runs down the hallway and puts on his beanie once he is inside the elevator. He is restless in the small space, wishing for it to go quicker. Itâs too slow.
âCome on, come onâ, he stresses it, knowing that it is fruitless.
You are his best friend. Well, at least that is what you would call him. Best friend. Jungkook sees so much more in you. His best friend, his person of trust, his crush. He would never tell you his feelings because he doesnât want to make it awkward. But if there were no consequences for speaking up, Jungkook would tell you that you are his dream girl. You are funny, sweet, caring, talented, intelligent, wonderful, perfect, amazing, beautiful, pretty, stunning. Yes, Jungkook thinks that you are all of these things and more. When he is close to you, his heart races and he wants to keep looking at your face. When you are sad, he wants to make you happy again and when you smile, he wants to keep it on your face. When you arenât with him, he misses you and when you are with him, he hopes that time stops passing. You are the person he updates on the most mundane of things and whose text messages always bring a quick flutter to his chest. Your voice is the voice he could listen to for hours and your face is the face he doesnât get tired of staring at when you and he video chat late night till you and he both run out of things to say. And at the same time, you are the person with whom Jungkook never runs out of things to talk about, if he didnât have to breathe, he would continue to babble to you until your ears wore off. Jungkook swears that if there were no consequences for his words, he would tell you all of this.Â
But alas, there are consequences and so Jungkook is left keeping his true feelings hidden.
The outcome of tonightâs phone call obviously wouldnât have changed whether or not he had romantic feelings for you. Jungkook loves you as a friend as well. And he will always be there for his friends. Especially when they are clearly scared by something.
Jungkook rings your bell. You open the door as if you were waiting for him, grabbing him by his wrists to drag him inside. Jungkookâs entire body flutters at the feeling of your touch.Â
âFinally you are here. Come in quick, pleaseâ, you tell him.
You must have been sleeping already. You are in your pyjamas and have no make-up on. Jungkook swears that you have never looked more beautiful before.Â
âWhat happened? Did someone break in?â he asks instead of telling you that you are beautiful.
âWorse.â
âWorse?â
âKook, there is a huge bug in my room. Please kill it.â
Jungkook stops in his tracks. You call him over for that? You stop when you feel his strength all of a sudden, looking over your shoulder. He has his right brow cocked up.
âWhat?â you stress.
âYou give me a heart attack for that?â
âWhat? Of course. Itâs a bug.â
Jungkook sighs in annoyance, âseriously?â
âYes, seriously.â You round him to shove him by his back. âKill it for me, please Kook.â
âFine, Iâll kill itâ, he gives up and groans, letting you shove him to your bedroom. Jungkook would never dare to think this way, but right now he wished that you were shoving him to your room for something else. Nothing dirty of course, just cuddles. Lots of cuddles. He would literally trade both his kidneys so he could hold you in his arms until you fall asleep just once. He would make sure that you were warm and that you felt safe in his embrace. He would kiss your face and tell you sweet nothings like how he thinks of you when he listens to love songs and how he wishes that it was you and he whenever he sees a romantic scene in a movie.
God, Jungkook is so done for.Â
âWhere is this stupid bug?â he acts annoyed to make the yearning a little easier. It is difficult when you have your hands on his back and they are so, so warm.
âIn there.â You open the door carefully and look around. âFollow meâ, you say, tiptoeing into your room.
Jungkook follows you, smiling fondly. You are cute when you are acting like this.Â
âWhere is it?â he asks, trying his hardest not to think about how he wants to snuggle you for being cute.
âI donât know. It was right there when I last saw it.â
âMaybe itâs already gone.â
âNo, it was-âÂ
The bug flies past you, you scream instantly, jumping at Jungkook for help.
âThe bug! Eeeek Kooook! I hate bugs!â you squeak, hiding away in his chest.
Jungkook hopes that you canât feel his racing pulse, because it is racing. You never touched him like this before, let alone snuggled so close to him.Â
Act cool. Act cool. Act cool.Â
He wraps one arm around you, patting the back of your head.Â
âThere, there you big babyâ, he teases.
âI hate bugs so muchâ, you whine, snuggling closer.
He glances down at you, feeling every beat his heart takes.
Act cool! Act cool! Act cool!
What if he wrapped both arms around you? Would that go too far? He wouldnât mean anything dirty behind it, he just really wants to hug you and feel you melt in his arms.
âKill it, Kook pleaseâ, you whine and move your head so you were looking up at him. Your eyes lock.
Jungkook bites down on his tongue, forgetting to breathe for just a few moments.
ACT COOL! ACT COOL! ACT COOL!
What if he cupped your face right here and now to kiss your nose and cheeks and forehead and chin and lips and eyes? What if he did that?
âPlease kill it.â
âI am, you gotta let go for thatâ, he gets out, surprised at how normal his voice sounds eventhough he is currently losing his mind.
Please donât let go. Please donât let go.Â
You let go. Disappointment from his side. You hide behind him and grab his waist for moral support. Butterflies in his tummy, his knees buckle a little. Holy moly. Holy moly. Wow. Oh wow oh wow oh wow.Â
âYouâre seriously so brave for thisâ, you tell him.
âYeah, yeah or maybe youâre just a scaredy cat.â
He has no idea how he is able to talk properly right now when you have him literally messed up.Â
Jungkook inches close to where the bug is sitting on the wall while his thoughts and heart are racing. He has to act nonchalant about the situation. You are only holding him like this because you are scared.
âDo you have a shoe?â he asks you, hating his hand for shaking when he presents it to you.
You bend down and take off your right slipper, âwill this do?âÂ
âPerfect.âÂ
Jungkook takes the slipper and carefully moves closer to the bug. Your fingers tighten on his waist.
âCareful nowâ, you comment.
âI amâ he gets out, concentrating vigorously. He canât mess up now, you are counting on him.Â
âAlmost there. Almost thereâ, you cheer him on.
Jungkook slams the shoe down. The bug has no chance of escape. You scream.
âGotcha.â
âDid you get it? Is it dead? Kook, is it dead?â
Jungkook lifts the slipper and looks at the squished bug on its sole. He shows it to you.
âDead.â
âYay, itâs dead. Ew how nasty, you can see the intestines.â
âRight. Give me a minute, Iâm cleaning it.â
âUse acid for it. Just to be sure it doesnât come back.
He chuckles, âsure, Iâll use acid.â
He leaves you in your bedroom to hurry to the bathroom.Â
Your apartment is familiar to him. He spends a lot of time here. Mostly to chill on your couch and watch shows with you. Sometimes you also cook dinner together and then eat it by the table, while other times you do a workout together. Seriously, you are his fucking dream girl.Â
One time as you and he were cooking together, he needed something from the shelf above you, but you couldnât step away from the stove. So he got it while you were right in front of him and his chest brushed against your back and he swears that he heard your breath hitch for a moment. Jungkook wanted to hug you back then. When you later that evening turned to let him taste the cooking only to use the same fork to taste it yourself, Jungkook almost kissed you.Â
One time when you were watching a show, you got cold hands and Jungkook offered to warm them for you. He didnât think you would accept, but you did and so he ended up with your cold hands under his hoodie as you warmed them up on his skin. Jungkook swears that he wanted to pin you against the sofa and kiss your cute face back then.
One time when you were doing a workout together, you struggled with a movement and asked him for help. He ended up having to hold you by your hips as he guided you through the movement. He wanted to flip you and kiss you senseless back then.Â
He never felt like this before. He was scared of these feelings at first, but now he canât get enough. You are a foodie, a romance lover and a lover for couple workouts and itâs so impossible for him not to be in love. You are seriously his dream girl. There is no fucking way around this.
Jungkook knows that tonight will be such a memory as well. the kind of memory which tingles, but which also makes him regret that he didnât act differently. When you cuddled into him, he wanted to hug you properly. When you grabbed his waist he wanted to turn in your grasp and kiss you against the door. But he knows that he canât. He would ruin what you are having and he could never get over this heartbreak.
Jungkook looks at your toothbrush as he cleans the shoe. Sometimes he thinks about how it would feel to be represented in your bathroom as the second toothbrush right next to yours. Â
Jungkook bites down on his tongue, burning holes into the empty space next to your toothbrush. He would put so much effort into taking care of himself so you could always look at the best version of him. He would do skincare nights with you. He would try out hair masks with you and rub body lotion on the spots you canât reach. He would brush his teeth, floss them and use mouthwash religiously just so his kisses would always taste good. He would do all of this if it meant you had an attractive boyfriend.
Jungkook looks away. He is doing it again, he is getting delusional. He shouldnât do that. It isnât his right.Â
He turns off the water and leaves the bathroom so he could return the slipper to you.
You are in the kitchen, looking at him instantly.
âIs it gone?â you ask him.
âYup, itâs gone. Your slipper.â
âThank you seriously. You just saved my lifeâ, you say and lift a bottle of his favorite beer. âThank You Beer?â
He shakes his head, âI need to drive.â
âOkay. Then a Thank You Water?â
âYeah, I can drink that.â
Jungkook accepts the offer because he can stay with you longer that way.
âComing right up. Get comfy in the meantime.â
Jungkook waits on the sofa, but stands up when you come inside the room. He accepts the water and sits back down. You plop down right in front of him, pulling your legs onto the pillow. Your knees are almost touching the side of thigh.
âYou seriously saved my ass tonight. I was already in bed when I felt something tickle my arm and then I turned on the lights and it was right on my arm. I screamed so loud, you have no idea.â
âThat sounds traumatic.â
âIt was traumatic.â You shudder. âI hate bugs.â
Jungkook laughs softly.
âWhat? Are you laughing at me?â
âNo, just laughing âcause I agree. You really hate bugs.â
âI do. Awful things, seriously.â
He laughs and you laugh as well. Your eyes meet again. He takes a sip of his water then asks a question which scares him a little.
âWhy did you call me?â
âWhy not?â
âI, I meanâ, he stutters, feeling his heart do somersaults.
âYou were my first thought. Itâs probably because youâre always keeping me safe.â
Jungkook swears he wants to kiss you right now. He is the first person you think of when you need help. He is your safe person. Wow, wow, wow.
âIs that weird to say?â you ask him shyly.
âNot at allâ, he gets out in a terribly hoarse voice.
âOkay phew. I knew that I could count on you.â
Jungkook gives you a smile. One you retort with a vast glance at his lips.
Jungkook brings the empty glass to the kitchen to clean it after he finishes it. You follow him.Â
âYou donât have to clean thatâ, you tell him, trying to reach for the glass but he moves it away.
âI got itâ, he assures you, looking at you over his arm.
You and he are so close again. He canât stop looking into your eyes. He knows that he is delusional, but in his mind, your eyes are so bright when you look at him. But itâs not real and he is acting stupid when he is staring like that. He turns his head away, blind to the few more seconds your eyes seem to linger on his face.
âWhat were you doing when I called you?â you ask him, watching his hands as he washes the glass.
âWorking out.â
âReally? At this time?â
âThatâs when I get energised.â
âOf course you do. What were you doing?â
âJust stuff on the floor.â
âNice. Like push ups and stuff?â
âYeah and sit ups.â
âThatâs cool.âÂ
He has his back turned to you, putting away the glass. He is wearing a white oversized shirt, but the movement makes it stick to his body, showing not only his skinny waist but also his built, muscular back. His shoulders grew so much over the past seven months. (Seven months ago was when you decided to download a dating app and told Jungkook about it. Jungkook started working out harder since then.)Â
He closes the cupboard and turns.Â
âSomething wrong?â he asks, somehow oblivious to your stares.Â
âNothing, no uhm.â You look to the side. âYou probably wanna leave now?â
He doesnât want to leave.
âIf you still need me here, I can stayâ, he offers.
Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes.
âReally?â
He nods his head, giving you a sweet smile with teeth. He would do anything for you, even mess up his sleep schedule.
âMaybe there is another bug, you know?â you say, playing with your own fingers shyly.
His heart is jumping in joy. He can stay longer.Â
âThat could be possible, yeah. Should we check?â he offers as calmly as possible.
âYeah, please.â
Yay! Yay! Yay!
âI know I sound so stupid.â
âYou donât. Come on, Iâll check.â
You and he go to your bedroom together. Jungkook wants to hold your hand, but knows that he canât. You close the door to your bedroom. His pulse flutters for a moment. In another lifetime, this would be the moment you pull him into a kiss. But Jungkook knows that stupid things like different lifetimes are stuff of movies, not reality.
He has to act as your best friend who doesnât have a crush on you if he wanted to or not. He lifts your blanket and shakes it out.
âNo bugsâ, he comments.
âThatâs good, yeah. I should probably check the pillows.â
You crawl onto bed and make it your job to flip each individual pillow. Jungkook looks at you for a moment. He hates that things like different lifetimes are stuff of movies. Because in a different lifetime, he jumps onto bed with you to hug you. He listens to your giggle and makes you giggle even harder by tickling your sides.
You, oblivious to his longing stares, flip yet another pillow.Â
âNo bugs here, thank god. I probably sound insane to you, but Iâm actually so scared that thereâs a whole bug family in this room.â
âYou donât sound insane. Iâll take care of them if we find them.â
âYouâre seriously my hero.â
Jungkook is thinking. Maybe he could still make you laugh, he thinks. Not by showering you in skinship, but differently.Â
âHey, check this outâ, he says.
âWhat? Did you find another bug?!â you gasp, whipping around instantly.
âIâm a bug. Bzzzâ, he says and jumps onto bed, flapping his arms as if he was a bug flying.
You cough out air, following it up with a loud laugh.
Jungkook flops onto his back and wiggles his limps.
âNow Iâm flipped onto my back and canât get upâ, he says, squirming from side to side stupidly. âHelp me. Bzzzz.â
You laugh to the point it becomes just a little ugly and way too loud. At least you would call it that. Jungkook calls it the most beautiful sound he has ever heard. He loves to be goofy when it means that he can make you laugh. Some people call him childish and tell him to act his age, but Jungkook doesnât care about these people because you love the way he is. You always smile and laugh so much when he gets goofy and childish and it is so worth every rude comment he gets. One time, he played around with a snapback hat, acting silly with it until you cackled loudly. Another time he showed you a card trick with goofy sound effects, basking in the giggles you gave him. He knows that he looks stupid in these moments, but he would literally turn into a silly jester if it meant that you could laugh just one more time.
âHelp me, Iâm a bug and I canât get upâ, he whines dramatically.
âWait, Iâll help youâ, you joke and place your hands on his torso. One on his chest, the other on his stomach.
He tenses up like a board of wood, forgetting all about being silly. His limbs drop, as does his heart. You are touching him! This never happened before when he acted goofy. What should he do? What is the correct reaction to this?
âWhy are you such a heavy bug? I canât flip youâ, you are still being playful with him, but Jungkook canât find humour anymore. He is starstruck.Â
He chuckles deeply, letting out a breathy, âyeah.âÂ
You glance at him. The second your eyes meet, his heart is racing. You are so fucking beautiful.Â
âHehâ, he lets out and places his hand over yours, eyes flitting to your lips unknowingly.
âHmâ, you let out, studying his gazing eyes. Your lips feel kissed just from his look.Â
âMhmâ, he hums and smiles, shimmying his head just a little closer to you. He feels your minty breath swirl over his face like this, squeezing your hand in reaction. What if he just did it? What if he just kissed you right here and now?
Your smile falls.
âSorryâ, you whisper, pulling your hands back and sitting up.Â
Jungkook gasps for air, coming back to reality. What was this moment? Is he going crazy? Why would he do that?
Your eyes meet for a brief second then you look away again, rubbing the side of your neck.
Jungkook sits up, âI should, uhm, probably check under the bed too, right?â he tries to change topics and rolls over to stick his head under the bed. He might die of heart palpitations.
There are a few boxes under the bed, some shoe boxes and an exposed adult toy. Jungkook does a double take. Oh god, panic.
Jungkook shoots back up, staring at you with big eyes.
âWhat?â
âYou uhmâŚâ
âWhat?â You crawl to the edge and bend down to look, shooting up again within a second, âWhat did you see??â
His entire face flushes, he looks to the side instantly, right hand coming to rub the side of his neck. Your entire face feels on fire, you want to die on the spot.
âI, I didnât see anything I swearâ, he stutters.
âKook, please donât remember thisâ, you insist, shaking him by his shoulders.
âItâs seriously fineâ, he assures you, panicking so so much.
âThis is so embarrassing.â
âNo, itâs okay. Sorry for invading your space like that.â
âIâm actually gonna cry, please donât remember thisâ, you beg him.
âI didnât even see anythingâ, he lies, feeling his heart give up. For real, it will give up. He feels so guilty. You are so upset and uncomfortable and itâs all his fault. âIâm sorry.â
âNo you, I guess, I donât know, I justâ, you stutter, unable to form any coherent sentences.
Jungkook feels just as awkward as you, suddenly needing to stand up.
âI think I should goâ, he says.
âReally?â
âYeah, itâs getting late.â
âOh, yeah. Totally.â
Fuck, fuck, fuck. You fucked it. You are internally panicking, blind to the fact that Jungkook is panicking as well.
His face is so red and itâs making him scared that you can see it. He doesnât want you to think that he is imagining you like that, because he really isnât. But for just a second it crossed his mind and it managed to dye his face so red that he feels like crying. Of course he wants to stay with you. Of course he wants to spend every single second of this night with you, talking and laughing and looking at you, but he might not be able to get rid of this blush right now. He needs to leave.
You follow behind him, panicking more and more. You let him put on his shoes and his beanie, you watch him close his jacket unable to say anything. You swear that you always clean up after yourself, but you were busy this morning and forgot to put it away after sanitizing it. Jungkook was never supposed to see it. Not him. Everyone but him.
âIâll text you once Iâm homeâ, Jungkook tells you.
âYouâre not disgusted now, are you?â you finally get the scary words out.
âWhat?â
You are both dragging out the inevitable.Â
âI donât know, justâŚI tried the dating app stuff. I met people, you know?â
Jungkook feels like dying when you talk about this stuff. He stands in the apartment complex hallways, looking at you as you tell him about your hook ups and he wants to fucking die as he does. He has been loyal to you ever since he started this stupid crush on you. Of course he knows that it is impossible of him to expect the same from you. But he has been so fucking loyal to you that you literally broke his heart seven months ago when you told him about your newest download. He wasnât strong enough to get over his crush, so now he dies all over again each time you tell him about your hook-ups.
âAnd it just felt weird. I couldnât do itâ, you confess.
âReally?â suddenly what happened before is wiped from his mind. You never went through with it? His loyalty was reciprocated? Jungkook knows that he is being so delusional right now and yet he still hangs on to your every word like a worshipper of your syllables, staring at your lips as you talk.
âYeah, but I still have needs, you know? Oh god, why did I say that? This didnât make it better. Just forget I ever said anything.â
âI, I didnât hear anythingâ, Jungkook stutters, feeling weak-kneed. The wall between him being a good person and a reckless person is as fragile as a sheet of fresh ice. One wrong step from you and he might actually confess how he really feels.
âOkay good, letâs keep it at that.â You push at his chest. Jungkook swears he actually whimpers as you do it. âGo home and let us forget about all of this, please.â
Should he do it? Should he be reckless?
You step back, now standing in your apartment.
Do it! Open, mouth!
âText me once youâre home, okay?â
âOkay.â
No! This isnât the right thing to say! Be reckless!
âThank you for tonight, sleep tight.â
âSweet dreams.â
Tell her! Fucking tell her!
The door closes.
Jungkook falls out of his fearful trance, gasping for air. His heart tells him to knock for another chance, his mind tells him not to. He turns and leaves, hitting his own head as punishment for being the most stupid person that ever existed. Tonight could have gone so well. He could have had more time with you, he got the confirmation that you never tried the dating app thing, he had everything and he has to ruin it by being a creep. Why did he look under your bed? Thatâs where most people store their sexy stuff. Why did he have to make you uncomfortable? What if you never want to see him again? What if he ruined your friendship without ever doing the one thing he always wished to ruin it with? In his dreams he always ruined it by confessing his feelings, but his reality was because he was a creep.
Jungkook cries in his car on his way home. He forgets about texting you and spends a sleepless night regretting his choices.
Maybe he did fall asleep, otherwise it would be impossible for his phone to rip him awake the next day. He barely opens his puffy eyes at first, but opens them widely when he sees that it is you calling him.
âHello?â he picks up hastily.
âOh thank god. You didnât text me last night and I was worried.â
The text! Jungkook slaps his own forehead, sitting up straight.
âIâm so sorry, IâŚâ
âItâs okay, I already had a gist that you forgotâ, you assure him, âdo you have time?âÂ
âOf course, whatâs up?â
âYou know, uhm.â You laugh in embarrassment. âLast night was a mess, wasnât it?â
âNo uhm, itâs fine.â
âYou wouldnât be down for a grocery trip with barbeque and beer afterwards, would you? My treat, as an apology for traumatising you.â
âOf course, I would. Today?â
âYes, in like two hours? Iâll get off work soon and could go straight to the store.â
You and Jungkook often go grocery shopping together. You already have a favourite store to go to. Jungkook loves these moments. He loves to carry the heavy bags for you and get the stuff you canât reach. He loves to push the cart while you tell him about your day and then load the groceries into the bags with you. In another lifetime, you and he push the cart together and he steals kisses between aisles. In another lifetime, he holds your hand and the bags in the other. And in another lifetime, you and he go to your apartment to cook dinner for date night on the couch. Jungkook really wishes to live a different life sometimes.
âTwo hours sounds greatâ, he agrees in a cool voice even if he wants to squeal. He gets to go grocery shopping with you! How amazing!
âNice, then weâll see each other there.â
âYes, weâll see each other. Iâm really excited for it.â
âMe too. See you later, yeah? My boss is coming back.â
âSee you later. Good luck at work.âÂ
âThanks, Kook. Bye bye.â
Goodbye, my everything, my dream girl, my love. He thinks.
âBye.â He says.
The phone call ends. Jungkook drops back into the pillow and lets out a yelp of celebration, following it up with excessive kicking and punching of the air as well as squeaky giggles.Â
He didnât ruin everything and he will see you in two hours. Today is the best day of his life! But wait! Jungkook gasps and jumps out of bed.
âI need to get ready! Shower and wash my hair and pick an outfit! And do my skincare and brush my teeth! There is so much to do, oh godâ he talks to himself, running through his apartment.
You are pacing in front of the store. Jungkook isnât late, you are just early. Early enough to become painfully aware of your nervousness. You wonder how it will be between the two of you after last night. You could barely fall asleep because you were so embarrassed. Work didnât distract you either, your thoughts kept repeating what had happened last night. You hope that he doesnât look at you differently after what he had to see. It would literally ruin you.
Jungkook is your best friend. But if someone asked you honestly, you would say that he is the boy of your dreams. He is everything you ever dreamed of and everything you will never be able to have. He is too perfect for you. If there were no consequences for your actions, you would tell him how you really feel. You would tell him that you think that he is the most attractive man and person you have ever seen, that he is the kindest soul with the sweetest heart. That he is talented and amazing and the funniest person ever. And that you feel safe with him.Â
You would tell him that every time he comes to your place or you to hisâ and you spend time together, you wish that it was a date instead. You want to tell him that every time your bodies touch, your heart jumps out of your chest. You want to tell him that you keep repeating all the moments with him over and over again and that sometimes at work, you text him because you canât stop thinking about him. You also want to tell him that you thought about killing the bug yourself before deciding to call Jungkook just to have him close.
And the worst of it all? You want to tell Jungkook that the only reason why you downloaded the dating app was to get over your feelings for him because you knew that someone as perfect as Jungkook would never want to have you. But actions have consequences and so you call him your best friend whilst secretly wishing for him to just be reckless and kiss you.
Jungkook appears on the horizon, swerving through the crowd in a stoic expression. Your heart speeds up instantly. He is wearing black pants with a stripped shirt and a black jacket today. His hair falls on soft waves, his skin glows in the sun. He is so dreamy and handsome.Â
His eyes find you in front of the store, his face lights up and he lifts his arm to wave at you. You wave back, bouncing on your tiptoes. He saw you! He is waving at you!Â
He hurries through the crowd faster than before, reaching you within moments.
âHey thereâ, he says.
âHeyâ, you tell him and give him a hug.Â
Jungkook short circuits. He gets no time to react before you already step back again. You just hugged him. Holy moly, wow.Â
âSorry, was that not okay?â you ask, studying his frozen features.
âWhat?â He flinches back to life. âNo, it was amazing, I mean, it was okay. I uhm, I have this for you.â
He lifts a bouquet of sunflowers.
âSunflowers? For me?â
âYeah, I saw them and thought of you.â
âYou did?â
You accept them with shortened breath and a quickened heart. You are currently screeching inside. You feel on cloud nine.
âA-as a best friend of course, because weâre best friends.â
âOh. Yes.â You clear your throat. âWe are. Thank you for the friendship flowers. Iâll put them in water once Iâm home. Hopefully theyâll survive till then.âÂ
âIâm sure they will. Thatâs why I put the paper towel there.â
âI know, I saw. Thatâs so clever.â
âYeah, thanks.â He does a little twirl so he stands next to you, hands stuffed into the pockets of his pants in a cute way. âSo what do we need? Any particular groceries in mind?âÂ
You and he start walking to the store. He opens the door for you, holding it until you are inside. He follows and goes straight for the carts. You are next to him.
âYes, Iâm out of multigrain rice so Iâm buying all of them to make my mixture again and I wanna stock up on udon because they have a sale going on.â
âNeat, a sale. Iâll get some tooâ, Jungkook says, leaning his elbows on the cart as he pushes it. âI wanna see if they have the lychees again. They were so yummy last time.â
âThey were. Especially with that sauce you made.â
âI can make them for you again.â
âReally?âÂ
He nods his head, âsure, you could come over Saturday and weâll watch a movie. I heard that thereâs a few new movies to stream.â
âI should be free on Saturday.â
âNice, then youâll come over.â
You and he exchange a look, breaking it quickly to look at opposite sides. Unbeknownst to either, you are both panicking. Jungkook is so excited to have you come over but is also terribly nervous about the aspect of it. You canât wait to visit Jungkook but are also scared of the yearning.Â
A moment of silence where you each fill the cart with stuff you want. You and Jungkook always fill up the cart together and then separate the groceries afterwards. In another lifetime, you donât need to separate the groceries. In another lifetime, you share the same bag and fill the same fridge to cook from the same pots and eat on your shared couch whilst a show was running.Â
âHow was your day?â Jungkook asks because other lifetimes donât exist and in his real life, the only shared thing he gets with you is time.
âIt was okay. Yours?â
âI woke up like two hours ago.â
You chuckle, âof course you sleep while I have to work my ass off.â
âHey, Iâm on a well-deserved break, I earned the night owl lifestyleâ, he throws back, making you laugh with it.
âIâm not saying anything against it. I need a break soon.â
âIs work stressful?â
âYeah, quite. Thereâs been lots of new projects coming in.â
âNo, Iâm sorry. If there is something I can do, let me know.â
You look at him.Â
âI will, thank you.â
In another lifetime, you would hug his arm and rest your head against it and you would tell him that you donât mind a stressful workday when it meant spending time with him afterwards.Â
Jungkook meets your eyes. His heart flutters nervously, speeding up more when you look away. If he was your boyfriend, he would hold your hand and tell you that you looked beautiful after a long work day.Â
âI like the way you did your hair todayâ, he says instinctively. He has no idea why he said that because he never says stuff like that to you. He panics because of it. His tongue worked quicker than his brain.Â
You reach up to feel your hair, âyou do?â
âYes, it fits you really well.âÂ
âThank youâ, you murmur and cross a corner without warning, leaving him alone for a few seconds.
Jungkook follows after you hastily, confused as to why you so abruptly fled. Oh no. He went too far with the compliment. He definitely creeped you out again.Â
You are squatting down in front of the grain section, reading the labels carefully. Jungkook parks the cart next to you, standing still. He tries not to, but still looks at you. You shift your eyes to him, widen them and look away again. Jungkook swears he might cry. He made you uncomfortable.Â
âIâm sorry for saying that. I, I meant it as a friend.â
âHm? Ah, itâs okay. Thank you for saying it, I liked itâ, you say and stand up, filling the cart with the grain. Jungkookâs heart flutters happily. He didnât mess up. Yay!
âGot everything you wanted?â he asks.
âYep, except black rice. Do you see it somewhere?â
âUp thereâ, Jungkook says, pointing at it. The lower racks are empty, only the racks which are clearly for staff to reach so they could refill the store are stacked with the rice.Â
âNice.â You try to reach it, but fail. âKook, can you get it?â
âSure, let meâ, he says, stepping right behind you to get the rice from the staff rack. His chest brushes against your back. You gasp. He feels dizzy, but acts nonchalant.
âThere we go yourâŚ.riceâ, Jungkook says, eyes flitting down to you looking up at him. He didnât even realise that you turned.Â
There is almost no distance and so Jungkook tries to step back to be respectful because friends donât stand this close. You grab him by his jacket, making him gulp and panic greatly. His left hand grabs the edge of the shelf, his chest lifts in a deep gasp. You are taller today because of the shoes you are wearing. The shortened distance between your lips is making him dizzy.
âAbout last nightâ, you begin, but he interrupts you before you apologise for something you have no reason to.
âItâs alright. I shouldnât have snooped, Iâm sorry.â
âYou didnât snoop, I justâŚI clean up, I was just busy and forgot and Iâ, you exhales deeply, âIâm not making it any better talking by about it, am I?â
He laughs softly and reaches down to cup your hand, caressing your knuckles softly. The lines blur more and more. You both feel weightless. You can smell his cologne like this, he can smell your perfume. Itâs like you are high on each other.
âIf it makes you feel any better, I have some toys tooâ, he says, making your eyes widen. You look to the side and let out a giggle. Jungkook knows that it is of shy nature and so he giggles with you. âDid that help or did I just embarrass myself for nothing?â
âNo, it helped.â You meet his eyes, fingers squeezing his jacket.Â
Jungkook holds his breath, fingers tightening on the shelf. He is being so greedy. Itâs so unfair to you.Â
âI, uhm.â He clears his throat and slips his hand from the shelf to present the rice to you. âYour rice.â
âOh? Thanks, uhm, put it in the cart.âÂ
He steps back. Your hands slip from his jacket, his fingers stop holding you. They tingle in the memory of how it was to cradle you this way. His thoughts are racing, trying to calculate the weight of his confession. If he confessed, what would he lose? Your friendship, your time, the movie hangouts, the cooking together, the shared workouts, your texts and calls and video chats. All your laughter and smiles and giggles. Jungkook gulps. The loss is too great. He canât confess. Nope, never.Â
He grips the cart and pushes it, hoping that walking it off will help with the heart palpitations. You walk next to him, resting your hand on the metal cage part of the cart.
âDid you sleep well last night?â he asks you.
âCan I be honest? Not really. I was so embarrassed.â
âIâm sorry.â
âItâs not your fault. Iâm just awkward.â
He chuckles, you chuckle with him. You give him a glance.
âI think I donât have to ask you if you slept well at night because you never sleep at night.â
He laughs, you do as well.
âThatâs not true. I can sleep at night too, I simply choose not to. Oh wait. I need buckwheat noodles.â
You and he stop in front of the section. You stay by the cart while Jungkook browses the options.Â
âShould I make you makguksu?â he offers mindlessly.
âToday?â
âYeah.â
âSo you donât wanna go for barbecue and beer?â You chuckle and nudge his arm, sending tingles all over his skin. âDid you already forget again, you doofus?â
âI might have.â He gives you a sorry, cute smile.
Jungkook makes you laugh with it.
âKook, you little scatterbrain youâ, you chuckle, leaning into him.Â
Jungkook leans closer, placing his arm around your waist without touching you. In another lifetime, he would close the last distance. But not in reality. He looks at your lips, asking himself why you seek him out today and why he takes the chances so greedily. He shouldnât do that. You are just friends, nothing more.
âUh, sorryâ, you say and step away again.Â
Jungkook gulps, gasps for air. He doesnât understand what today means, but whatever you are doing is actually messing with him. He hasnât been able to breathe properly ever since that hug you gave him. You seem so clingy, but he doesnât understand why.Â
You grab the cart and push it.
âI think I have everything I need. You?â
âYeah, yeah sureâ, Jungkook stutters, stumbling after you like a lovesick puppy. He doesnât know where to put his hands and so he ends up stuffing them into his pants pockets while his eyes are glued to the back of your head. He is seriously under your spell. Every part of him.
You load the groceries on the conveyor belt together and then load them into separate bags. You pay for all of them and wish the cashier a good day. Jungkook carries the bags like always, while you are allowed to walk freely with the bouquet of flowers cradled in your arms.
âIâll pay you back at homeâ, he says, swerving outside as you hold the door open for him.
âTodayâs on me. As a thank you for yesterday and an apology.â
âWhat? But I bought so muchâ, Jungkook gasps, pouting sadly.
âItâs fine. I have money.â
âBut-â
âNo buts. Iâm paying.â
Jungkook pouts, huffing out air in defeat.
âFine, but Iâll pay for your stuff too one day.â
You chuckle, âdeal.âÂ
You and he walk together.
âYou should really start accepting when I offer. Itâs not a competition.â
âI just feel uncomfortable making you pay.â
âWhy?â
Because youâre his dream girl and you should never have to pay for him. He should be your wallet whenever you are out together, he should fulfil your every wish.Â
âI donât know, just so. You work so hard for your money.â
âYou work just as hardâ, you say and chuckle. âKook, youâre so competitive.â
Jungkook smiles, shaking his head in defeat.Â
âI guess am.â
You grin, hugging the flowers tighter. With a little skip in your steps, you close the distance. Just enough that one small movement would be enough for your arms to brush.Â
Jungkook glances at you. You are gazing at the flowers, smiling so brightly that your nose scrunches up. He could swear that your eyes are sparkling.Â
The lines blur again. He wonders if it would be okay for him to be a bad person, if he was allowed to slip his hand into yours even if you never gave him consent for it. There is not much he can still take.
You lower your nose into the flowers and smell them, closing your eyes in a happy squint. The metaphorical glass of how much Jungkook can take floats over.
He says your name and knows that the next words are coming out of him before he can think them through.
âYeah?â You look at him.
He is nervous and scared, but still talks, âcan we talk about something?â
âSure. Whatâs up?â
Panic. His situation finally sunk into his consciousness.Â
âI uhmâŚuhâŚI have a crush on someone.â
Microexpressions wash over your face. Shock, surprise, disbelief, jealousy, hurt, friendliness. A smile curls your lips. It doesnât reach your eyes.
âYeah? Itâs about time you doâ, the words and your voice carry a hint of teasing, but most of all forced friendliness.
You lower the flowers, carrying them in one hand by your side. They look sad like this. Jungkook doesnât notice because he is staring at the road in front of him because otherwise he would pass out in nervousness. He is almost twenty seven, but feels sixteen again.
âSheâs like really, really great and awesome and amazing and wonderful and so kind and perfectâ, Jungkook continues, heart racing to the point he feels dizzy. He saw this kind of confession in movies. He always thought that it was so cute when the guy did it. It isnât obvious enough to ruin everything just in case you didnât feel the same, but it is still cute enough that you canât help but be giddy.
âMh-hmâ, you hum, nodding your head.Â
âAnd I keep thinking about her. She is so pretty when she laughs and I love being in her presence. She likes my jokes and she always makes me laugh in return. YeahâŚâ
âThatâs great.â
âYeah, she is so great. I really wanna ask if she feels the same.â Jungkook falters in nervousness. He is going to ask the question. He is so scared. âIf you were me, what would you do?â
You take a deep breath and release it loudly, âI donât know. I havenât had a crush in so long.â
Jungkook falters, heart tightening. Oh no. Oh no, oh no. Oh. This is bad. This is really bad.Â
âAh, I see.â He gulps.
âBut let me know if you figure it out. Then we can go on a double date.âÂ
Wait. Wait. This is bad. Double date? This is so bad.
âWhat do you mean?â he asks weakly.
âYou know, you and your girl and me and my boy.â
âYou have a boy?â
âYeah, soon. Iâm talking to this boy on the dating app. He is very cute.â
âButâŚdidnât you say that you gave up on the app?â
âNo uhâŚno, itâs just that I only talk to this one boy now.â
Jungkook bites back tears.
âI see.âÂ
âMhm, yeah. Letâs go on a double date.â
No. No this is all wrong. No this isnât what was meant to happen. No.Â
âPlease.â
Jungkook doesnât even realize that he begged out loud until you look at him in question.
âPlease what?â
You and he stop. Strangers stream past you like you and he were two rocks in a river. You are facing each other, so close yet so far away.Â
You lied to him. There is no other boy. There never was and never will be. But there will always be other girls for him while you stay his best friend. Lying is all that you have at this point.Â
âPlease what?â you repeat the question.
âIâŚâ Jungkook breathes. âIâŚnevermind.â
Silence. Your eyes are locked so deeply that the world around you is blurry.
âOkay?â
âMhm yeah.â
His jaw tightens and he breaks the eye contact, looking to the side with his tongue in his cheek. He seemed angry. You would be lying if you said that you werenât feeling angry yourself. You turn away from him and continue walking. You donât want to be next to him right now. It hurts to only stay his best friend.
He looks at the back of your head and how it becomes smaller and smaller from distance. He doesnât understand you. He thought that the way you looked at him in the store meant something. And yet all this time you had another boy. He feels so betrayed that for just a second, he considers walking the other direction and leaving you to wonder where he went. However, two things hold him back; his competitiveness and his honest feelings for you.
He wonât stay your best friend any longer. He just decided that. He is going to fight for you, make you fall for him and forget all about the stupid boys you meet on this stupid dating app. He is better than any of them. He could treat you better, make you laugh harder, give you better hugs and kisses and provide you with afterglow so addicting you will get hot cheeks at work just thinking about it. He is your best friend, goddamn it, and he knows you better than any of these strangers ever will. And he is not going to lose you to some boy.
He jogs to catch up with you, calling your name with a certain harshness.
You turn. Your eyes meet. Jungkookâs brain short circuits.
âWhat?â you ask him, sounding small because of being called so harshly.
âI, I was just wondering, uhm, should we get ice cream after?â he asks because he panicked.
You shrug your shoulders, âI guess.â
âItâs on me, yeah?â
âYeah, okay.â
Jungkook inches closer, saying your name softly.
âWhat do you want?â
âI messed up before.â
âWhat do you mean?â
âI, I just. I thought that I was doing a good job, but I think I made you think something else.â
âJungkook. I had a long day, please donât talk in riddles.â
âDonât date other boys.â
âExcuse me?â
Jungkook gulps, panicking because of your offended and harsh tone.
âI, I, I justâ, he stutters, widening his eyes.
âNo. What do you mean? I can date who I want.â
âI know, I didnât mean it like that. I meant that, oh god, I meant that I donât want you to see other boys.â
âHuh?â
âAh no, wait.â He slaps his own forehead. âWait.â
You cross your arms in front of your chest, âwhat makes you think that you can tell me what I can or canât do?â
âNo I didnât mean it like that. Wait just give me a moment, please Iâm panicking.â
You purse your lips, studying his face intensely.
âAre you also so nervous?â he asks.
âWhatâs with you all of a sudden?â you ask him, honestly worried. His face is as red as ripe strawberries.
Jungkook closes the distance and takes your hands, eliciting a gasp from you. He squeezes them gently, staring into your eyes as deeply as possible.
âThis wasnât how I always imagined this to go, but I canât stay quiet anymore. ___, the girl I have a crush on is-â
âSeriously?â
You and Jungkook turn around at the angry voice next to you. Â
âSuho? What are you doing here?â you ask.
âWhoâs that?â Jungkook says.
âKim Suho. I met him on the dating app. We went on like one date a month agoâ, you explain and slip your hands out of Jungkookâs hold to turn to the other guy, âwhat are you doing here?â
Jungkook stares at him darkly, clenching his jaw. You told him about this dude in passing. He hates him so much, hating him even more now that he interrupted this moment.
âThatâs what youâre going with? Seriously?â Suho throws back.
âYeah, you-â
âWhat the fuck are you doing with him? I told you to stop being friends with him, didnât I?â
Jungkook looks at you with big eyes. You never told him that. You always said that you lost interest in Suho because of different hobbies, but never mentioned that he could have been the actual reason.
âAnd I told you that you canât tell me what to do. Jungkook is my best friend and I wonât give him up for a man.â
âYes but I wasnât any man, I was your man.â
âHuh? No you werenât. We went on one date and you totally lost it when I told you that I had a male best friend.â
âBecause he isnât just your friend. Youâre in love with him.â
Jungkook swears that he passes out standing up for a second. Feelings? You have feelings for him? Did you tell Suho that or is he assuming because he is one of those weird men that think women arenât allowed to have male friends? What does all of this mean?
âWhat?â You laugh nervously. âNo? Of course not.â
âOh donât be ridiculous. I followed you from work and through the store. I saw everything.â
âHuh? What?â you gasp, hurrying to Jungkook instinctively because you know that he will keep you safe.
âDude, what the fuck? You creep, stay away from herâ, Jungkook says harshly and steps in front of you, feeling the fire of protectiveness start to burn in his chest.
âI saw what I saw. You have feelings for each otherâ, Suho says, pointing an accusing finger at you and Jungkook.
Jungkook and you exchange a look.Â
âNo IâŚâ
Suho scoffs and looks at Jungkook.
âAnd you? Gonna fucking pretend that youâre just friends or should I start punching you?â
âDude, Iâve never even met youâ, Jungkook defends himself, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
âIâll still fucking punch you.â
âDonât you dareâ, you hiss at him.
âShut up, ___.â
âHey, donât talk to her like thatâ, Jungkook speaks up loudly, making himself bigger. He doesnât care when people are aggressive to him, but he cannot accept aggression towards you.
âOr what?â
âYou wanna find out? Donât talk to her like that.â
Suho rushes to Jungkook and pushes at his chest. He thought that he could move him, but he canât. Jungkook just gawks at him in utter surprise.
âWhat are you doing?â he asks confused.
âWhy arenât you budging? Fall over you idiotâ, Suho growls and tries again with all his might.Â
Jungkook takes a small step back but then stays unmoving.Â
âDude, seriously. What are you doing?â
Suho growls and punches Jungkook. Except that he is so bad at it that Jungkook can easily dodge him. He reacts calmly to the aggression, redirecting Suho by turning him and giving him a gentle push away from him.
Suho stumbles and whips around.
âYou-â
Jungkook steps closer, âgive it up, man.â
Suho shifts his attention to you, pointing his finger at you. He tries to get to you by swerving past Jungkook, but the latter steps in front of you again, stopping Suho with a firm hand on his chest. He didnât show it, but the contact was definitely made with strength because Suho stumbles back from it.
âI said. Give it up. Iâm not gonna repeat myself againâ, he warns. For just a second his voice was deeper than usual and his eyes darker. You canât stop staring in awe, feeling so attracted to him that it is difficult not to grab him right here and now.
Suho ignores him, talking over Jungkookâs shoulder.
âItâs over. Iâm breaking up with you.â
âHuh? We werenât even together in the first place?â you say very confused.
âYes, wellâŚ. Now itâs really over. And just so you know, Iâll block you on everything.â
âI mean, okay.â
Suho turns and runs down the street clumsily.
A moment of silence. Jungkook turns to you. He is ready to take you into his arms if you need support.
âEverything okay?â he asks hesitantly.
âHonestly? I couldnât care less about this tantrum. What the fuck was that? We went on one date and it sucked ass. I mean, who in their right mind expects someone to give up their best friend? I donât even know this dude.â
âWould you have done it if you liked him?â
âWhat? No, of course not. I like you, not him.â
âWhat?!â
You look at Jungkook with big eyes.
âI, I meanâŚâ you look at his lips and Jungkook finally notices.
Holy fuck. Suho was right.
He drops the grocery bags and closes the distance, cupping your face. To his delighted surprise, you practically melt into his hands, gazing at him with dreamy eyes and your fingers closing around his wrists greedily.
âWas he right?â Jungkook asks, looking between your right and left eye. âDo you have feelings for me?â
âIâm scaredâ, you whisper.
âScared of what?â
âYou are so perfect and Iâm not. I donât want to know how you feel about me, so justâŚletâs just forget about what happened please.â
âYouâre not perfect? What the fuck? Youâre literally perfect. If someoneâs unworthy, itâs me.â
âWhat?â
Jungkook gulps.Â
You touch his chest.
âKook, what?â
âYouâre my fucking dream girl, ___â he finally confesses and now canât be stopped, âI get excited when you text me and get sad when I donât hear from you. Each time we hang out, I kinda wish that we somehow magically end up together. I repeat every little touch and shared laughter and look. Sometimes I canât fall asleep because of you, but wish to do so because in my sleep I can meet you in my silly, wishful dreams. Do you have any idea how in love I am with you?â
âAre you serious?âÂ
Jungkook nods his head, forcing your tears to finally flow. He gasps and begins wiping them away instantly.
âIâm sorry. Fuck, Iâm sorry. Please donât cry, I promise I wonât try anything. You, you wonât lose your best friend.â
âIâm just happy. So happy.â
âYou are?â
âI feel the same for you. I have done so for a long time.â
âReally?â
âYes, really.â You sniffle. âYouâre my dream boy too, Jungkook.â
âOh my god. Oh my god! Yippie!â he exclaims and overtaken by happiness, he swoops you off your feet to twirl with you, making you squeal happily as you hold onto him for dear life. Strangers definitely look at you weird, but you couldnât care less. They are non-existent for you and him. He likes you and you like him back. This day is the best day you and he ever had.
He sets you down after the twirling, cradling your face so he could hold it still for way too many kisses. He gives you kisses everywhere except your lips, making you giggle and laugh and tingle the entire time.
âIâm so happy, youâre so pretty and perfect and amazing and pretty and amazing and Iâm gonna kiss you there and there and there and oh my god youâre so perfect, Iâm gonna kiss you there and there, wow oh wowâŚâ he babbles between kisses, truly sending your heart into overdrive.
He probably would have continued his babbling for hours if you hadnât stopped him by lacing your fingers in his hair and pulling his mouth into a kiss.
âAndmhgmhâ, he lets out, gawking at you first before the realisation of his situation sinks in. His knees buckle, his left hand grabs your hips and his right hand cradles your head, eyes falling closed. He is kissing you. He feels weightless, floating in time and space. His heart races so much that he feels it throb against his ribcage, the butterflies in his stomach are unbearably exciting. He dreamt of this moment a million times before, fantasised about it twice as much and yet he still wasnât ready for it. Your kiss is like heaven on earth. He swears that he gains new life through it. He wants to kiss you until his lungs run out of air, but you break it.
âWas that okay for me to do?â you ask him shyly.
Now itâs his turn to spill tears and for you to wipe them.
âIâm sorry, I should have ask-â, you donât get to finish your sentence, getting kissed again by Jungkook.
âIâm so fucking happy, you have no ideaâ, he murmurs, showing you his feelings one deep kiss at a time. âYou taste so good.â Kiss, oh so deep. âYour lips are so soft.â Kiss, the kind which makes your knees wobble. âYouâre perfect, youâre so perfect.â
You giggle, gazing up at him droopily. Jungkook giggles as well, peeling his eyes open to gaze dreamily. You and he cup each otherâs faces, resting your foreheads together.
âIâm happy.â
âIâm happy too.â
âWow, Iâm so happy.â
âMe too. So happy.â
You giggle together, swaying from side to side. Nothing, truly nothing, has never felt as right as this.
âWere you trying to confess to me before Suho interrupted us?â
âYeah.â
You giggle as you talk, âyou were really shit at it. I thought you were talking about someone else.â
âI know, I panicked so bad. I was so nervousâ, he is giggling too, âare you actually talking to another boy?â
âOf course not, you doofus. I lied.â
âOh my god, Iâm so relievedâ, he gets out and sweeps you off your feet again, carrying you under your butt. He twirls with you, smiling up at you as you squeak and laugh with your head thrown back.
âJungkook stop please, Iâm getting dizzy.â
He sets you down, but keeps touching you, seeking your closeness by rubbing his nose against your cheek. He is so close that the sunflowers are getting squished between you and him. It is a price you sadly have to pay in exchange for finally being able to be glued together.
âIâm so happy, I love you so much.â
âI love you too, Kook. So like barbeque and beer? Is it a date?â you ask.
âItâs the datiest date that has ever datedâ, he says, making you giggle because he is so cute and funny and you like him so, so much. He giggles with you because you are so perfect and perfect and perfect and he likes you so, so much.
âI feel like we have a lot to talk about.â
âYeah, oh god.â He kisses your cheek multiple times. âYou have to tell me all the thoughts you had when we hung out. Were you also so giddy, oh god, I was always so giddy and I kept looking at you because you are so pretty. Were you looking at me too? And, and did you also wish for me to be reckless? I always wanted you to just kiss me. Iâm talking so much, wow, Iâm so happy.â
You giggle, cuddling into him, âyouâre the cutest person ever. I canât wait to tell you everything.â
You nudge him to leave, but stop when Jungkook exclaims a loud âwait!â
âWhatâs wrong?â
âThe groceries. I almost left them hereâ, he says, bending down to get them.
âOh god, youâre so cuteâ, you snicker, hugging his arm and nuzzling into him like you always wanted to do.
#jungkook fluff#jungkook fanfic#jungkook fanfiction#jungkook romance#jungkook scenario#jungkook oneshot#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#bts fluff#bts romance#bts fanfic#bts fanfiction#bts oneshot#bts scenario#bts x reader#bts x you#bangtan fluff#bangtan fanfic#bangtan romance#bangtan fanfiction#bangtan oneshot#bangtan scenario#bangtan x reader#bangtan x you
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Another day another diary entry
#still thinking about moving 24/7#i was just looking at houses/apartments in my area to remind myself of how crazy unrealistic it would be to move out here#every SINGLE apartment i found. the rent was more than i make a month#i don't have the best paying job but even if i got a slightly better job rn#i would make enough to live in a SHOEBOX apartment. in a very sketchy part of town.#and houses?????? i was on zillow and i filtered to under $130k#which is the highest i could realistically go with a better job AND being generous#guess what. literally nothing. zero homes in my area. that i could even dream of affording.#COMPARED TO THE HOUSES IN THE STATE IM THINKING OF MOVING TO!!!!!!#I've found A GOOD FEW!!!!!! houses that are of similar size to my (current) parent's house#UNDER. 60K. ???????#one. is 40K. FORTY THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR A HOME. HELLO??????????#i dont think id even have to work full time to afford that#THATS INSANE#and it makes me so hopeful that this can work out#bc working full time is scary. i dont know if i can expect myself to mentally handle 40hrs/wk any time soon#but i dont think i would have to?????? to buy a home????? close to my best friends??????????#it sounds like a better idea every time i think about it skdhksjz
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Went from enjoying silly daydreams to having a panic attack and being unable to think about those types of daydreams anymore, and I donât fully understand why. Why am I crying at 3am? Why canât I calm down? Nothing I do is making me feel any better and I hate this
#my daydreams were so unrealistic to my current reality they sent me spiraling I guess#feel like Iâll never get to a point where those images could be a reality either which is another big problem#so itâs like I canât even enjoy thirst trap content or have fun little scenarios in my head because it goes too far and makes me sad#guess I feel like itâll never happen for me in reality so dreaming about it just hurts? idk but I am not having a fun time right now#and I donât really have any friends so itâs not like I can talk to anyone else about this#im so lonely and donât know how to change that#when will it get better? when will I stop feeling this way? im comfortable with my own company but that doesnât mean I want to be alone#or at least I donât want to br alone all the time#personal
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ERROR 404 // Dark!AI!Aemond Targaryen x Fem!Reader [ONE SHOT]
THIS IS DARK FIC, READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED, DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT.
MDNI.
Summary: working on a project that involves a robot doesn't seem too bad until that robot starts gaining sentience, developing feelings for you and executing a plan to take over the world.
WARNINGS: noncon to dubcon, futuristic themes, obsession, manipulation, caging, p in v sex (although I'm not sure it counts as that it's a robot cock), fingering, oral (f receiving), tiddy sucking, rough sex, mind break, multiple orgasms, jealousy, yandere, project gone wrong, robots take over the world, consciousness transfer, this fic is unrealistic asf + not proofread.
WC: 5k
Ever since you were young you had always been fascinated with AI, robots and the future of humans that involve complex machinery. Wanting to pursue a career in robotics, you did extremely well in highschool, graduating with a perfect score and enrolling into an university to get your bachelors degree, you took up the subjects that required you to step into this field, it was tremendous work, the mathematics were no joke but you kept up, never wanting to give up on this dream of yours
And recently, you graduated with Bachelors in Robotics Engineering, you immediately went for an internship that allowed you to observe and learn more about the subject, you truly wouldn't be able to get your hands fully on the machinery or equipment to create a robot until you get a masters, which you plan on doing along with this internship.
You didn't even know if it could be called that, you're just a glorified assistant to the leading engineers. You were currently working under the wing of Alys Rivers, an older woman with emerald green eyes and dark flowy hair, she looked so young but she was very old. You would often help her out a little in her projects.
âY/N, it is a pleasure that you are here, we need to discuss somethingâ you prayed that she didn't remove you from the internship. âRemember when we first met I had discussed one of my projects called AT110?â she asks and you nod âWell i have noticed that you have a lot of abilities, so i decided to welcome you into the project, you would not be given any complex task do not worry, just data transferring and basic mechanic work required.â she smiled at you and you felt extremely delighted before telling her that you were thankful for this opportunity. AT110 was a humanoid-like project Alys had been working on for the past 4 years, she was at the last few stages of development.
And yes it's a he because Alys referred to him as such.
You were currently uploading various data onto him, from the laptop to his memory, you watched how smooth and complex his exoskeleton looked, you wanted to rub your fingers along the cool material.
You took notes of how the body was built similar to that of a human, just with wires and hardware parts, you watched as the âdata transfer successfully.â popped on the laptop screen, you unplugged him from it and he turned his head to look at you.
You commanded him to walk, to which he obeyed, the metal clanging when he stood up, he had all types of data stored in him, from knowing all the languages, dances, fighting styles, a lot of knowledge just inside his memory card.
He walked slowly before picking up the pace, it was stiff and awkward until he rolled his shoulder blades backward, developed a posture similar to that of a humans and relaxed his stiff body as much as it can be, before walking, it was human-like.
You watched him with a small smile on your face, his face was angular, and smooth because it was covered with plates that hid the inner 'organs' or rather all the wires that were composed in order.
âAT110, how are your sensors, effectors and control system?â you asked and he looked at you before his mouth moved, robot like voice coming out, âSensors are in perfect condition. Effectors are in perfect condition. Control system is working.â you nodded, noting it down.
He was a humanoid like robot made to assist people, if he was successful then many robots like him can be mass produced to aid humans.
He only had one synthetic eye in one of his eye sockets, a sapphire like metal in the other one, however he was able to see and scan from both the eyes, Alys said it was a design choice.
âIs he able to process commands?â your coworker asks and you nod, âSit.â he says and AT110 sits down. âPerfect.â he comments and you smile at him.
Just then Alys announced that the synthetic inorganic skin had arrived, which would give him a more human-like appearance, and you had to move in a few boxes all labelled separately for their respective body parts. You and a few others helped her place them on his exoskeleton, his body starting to look human, you gasped when she pressed a button that revealed his cock, placing the silicon skin over it too. Why did she install a cock on him? You didn't say anything except watch.
And just like soon enough, it was time to run tests and command him. âWalk.â you heard her say and he obeyed her command, getting up to walk, she smiled before she turned to look over you. âHave you finished loading up all the data into him?â she asks and you nod, that's when she gives you a pendrive and you look at her, âTransfer this data into his memory too.â She says and you nod, AT110 sits down and turns his head to you, you press a button that opens his inner part before plugging in a wire that connects from your laptop and put in the pendrive before clicking on transfer data.
You were shocked to read the name of the files, it was all about sexual stuff. You probably figured she would use him for that too, and so you watched all data be transferred to him and he tilted his head, eyes dazing off as he read the data that was being sent into his system. You felt so awkward. After finishing up the process, you removed the connection and his gaze was burning holes into you, you swore you saw lust in his eyes, before you turned to Alys rivers.
âWhat do we call him, Miss Rivers?â you ask and she tries to think of a name but fails, âYou suggest.â She smiles at you gently and you stare into his eye, one that looks like a human eye, His eyes bore in yours and you spoke without thinking âAemond.â And Alys approved, settling for it, using Aemond to call him.
Everyone was finally done and now it was time for the real thing, how he fares.
Alys, you and few other assistants watch as he stands up, looks around before his eyes stop on you, âHello World, I am AT110, Common name Aemond, Speed 1 TeraHertz, Memory 1 Zettabyte.â he scans the room and Alys nods before she goes and hugs him, âWelcome to the world Aemond.â she smiles.
And you do the same.
You and Aemond develop quite the relationship, he helps around with creating other robots, he was made to assist after all, his ability to learn anything quickly and assemble it just as quickly was so helpful, there was no room for error. He was waterproof, fireproof and other liquids did not cause harm to his body. So he was capable of quite a lot of things.
Sexual too, considering how you'd heard Alys moaning in the privacy of her cabin when she takes him to 'fix up some errors' which is her basically getting to use him as his personal pleasure doll. Everyone had shared mixed opinions on it but just ignored it.
You noticed how Aemond would listen to your commands more than others, almost as if he showed special interest in you, but you shrugged it off, knowing it wouldn't be possible.
Aemond was an intelligent being, but what many people were ignorant to was how fast he was becoming self aware, gaining sentience, he remembers the first time he felt an emotion.
You were assembling a motherboard with Aemond's help at that time, when you felt your coworker come up next to you, âHey.â he looked so nervous, you gave him a smile before responding, âHi.â you watched as he gulped, âAre you free t-this saturday? I would like to take you out.â he asked nervously and you felt your heartbeat pick up the pace before you nodded, he smiled before running off and taking a breath of relief, you took one too before turning your focus to Aemond, whose face was in a scowl.
âAemond?â you call his name and his face returns to the normal stoic one before he looks at you, âY/N.â he says your name you furrow your eyebrows, he isn't supposed to call you by your first names but you shrugged it off.
That was the first time he felt something off in his system, a feeling that plagued him.
Jealousy.
Aemond became more and more human-like, his movements becoming less and less stiff, tone becoming more clear, he constantly updated himself, you thought it was a great improvement, and soon enough he could blend in with the humans and nobody would notice.
Your date with your coworker went really well, you felt shy at first but both quickly got over the tension and became close, this caught the eye of Aemond Targaryen, a scowl present on his face in distaste.
Aemond would often bring you coffee as you worked on other projects, giving special attention towards you
He would soon learn that he held feelings towards you, something that should be impossible for him to do, but he did anyway. He swears that he gets shocks when you touch him, butterflies in his stomach as humans described the feeling, you gasped when you were cleaning his synthetic skin, close to his chest and heard a sound similar to that of heartbeat, in the tiniest decibels, the way his chest would rise and fall as if he's breathing, knowing there's no need to. Showing emotions, expressing opinions. Basically mimicking humans.
Everyone thought it was a great thing, he'd blend in with the humans so quickly, basically can be considered a superhuman even. But everyone failed to notice the threat that came with it.
Alys requested you to take Aemond to your house, or rather apartment complex for a few days to notice his behaviour, how he blends in with humans, to track it. It was heavily unsafe and if anything were to happen, the government would have this project be completely rejected. You expressed your concerns to Alys but she simply shrugged it off, saying nothing will happen, and since he is behaving like a human, no one would find out.
So you took him, she was right, he immediately fit in the human society as a normal one, you lived in a highly developed robotic dependent future but Aemond was the first one ever to look and behave like a human, this could be a big advancement towards the future.
You commanded your house to turn on all the lights and they were immediately turned on, revealing the apartment. You welcomed Aemond inside but he halted, âBattery Low, 3% remaining.â he said, you quickly pulled him inside before making him sit on the sofa and attaching wires to his charging port, waiting as he quickly charged.
âAemond, I will install a software program in you so that you can turn on battery saver mode on when you're low on battery, it will automatically send commands to you to charge yourself without needing a human's help okay?â you asked and he gave you a curt nod, âPerfect.â you smiled and he looked straight ahead. You stood in front of him, undoing his shirt and opening his 'heart'
You bought out your laptop and plugged it directly into his inner system, transferring commands through code. You noticed him staring at you, you felt lowkey creeped out by how intently he was staring, at first you through he was looking at your face but then his eye moved to the cleavage that was visible, you didn't know what to make of it and just shrugged it off as him zoning out.
The rest of the days you spent with him were less weirder, he was interacting with humans and getting along like a human would, he was able to run errands, you always woke up to the smell of coffee being made and a breakfast served at the table by him, he would give you a small smile before pulling you a chair out to sit on at the dining table and sits down on the chair next to you.
He would watch you eat, analysing your face, the way you chew, and he would always feel something warm on the inside.
âGive me access to the safety system of your house.â He commanded you and you raised an eyebrow, âWhy? It is not needed.â you say, âConnecting with your house system will help me keep you safe, prevent any break ins.â he says and you almost thought about before shrugging it off, âThere's no need, you won't be here for long anyway, you'll be back in the lab after a few days anyway.â you say with your mouth full and Aemond just nods, the word âcuteâ popping in front of his eyes as he watches you eat.
He would enter your room when you slept, caressing your cheek lovingly, the way he learnt from the extensive amount of data from his memory card.
He was learning a lot of stuff too, by blending with the humans.
That they were all immoral and stupid.
That started his God complex.
And his opinions of other human beings began to turn sour, he realised that he was made to please them too, considering how Alys had used him for sexual pleasures multiple times, which he felt disgusted by now.
And just like that, Aemond gained full sentience, learning to hack, breakdown protective walls of multiple security systems without anyone knowing, nobody noticed until it was too late, his distaste for humans except you just grew and grew to the point he would purposely hurt your coworkers, but played it off as command error.
After the 'successful observation' with few error commands, Alys started mass producing unfinished bots, having all the materials, she took Aemond's help in finishing them quickly, once they were finished, they would help assemble other robots as well. Alys connected all the robots commands to be controlled, accepted and done by Aemond, trusting in him, he was like the commander for them in simple words.
You were giving him one the updates again, typing away in your laptop before transferring more data, but this time your laptop crashed, a âcorruption detectedâ message file coming up on your screen and you panicked, thinking the data files were the corrupted ones and immediately unplugged Aemond.
You hadn't realised that it was Aemond who corrupted your laptop.
And when you found out, it would already be late.
When you walked into the research centre and it was eerily quiet, you should've listened to your gut and gone back but you went further inside and the sight made you scream.
Many of your coworkers were dead, and your boss Alys was lying on the table, eyes open but no light in them, blood pooling as her body was used by an undeveloped robot to fuck.
âInitiating lockdown.â you heard the robotic voice of the building say.
You tried to leave silently but the robot had already noticed you, so it pulled out and immediately rushed after you, you ran only to face a dead end, as the automatic doors were tightly shut. You turned to face the robot stalked towards you but then halted before it completely fell down, causing a loud clank.
And then you saw Aemond who came from behind the robot with a smile on his face, âY/N.â you were terrified, âAemond what is the meaning of t-thisâ you were scared, he came close before he pressed you against the doors, his body cool to the touch before he leaned and his functioning tongue came and licked your skin. âI love you.â he whispers and you panicked, trying to push him off you, but he was literally made out of metal and it wouldn't budge.
âAemond stop, obey me, accept my commands.â you say hoping he'd listen but simply shakes his head before grabbing by your hair and taking you to a chamber which had a bed in it, it was likely recently constructed by alys so she can use it instead of her cabin to fuck the Aemond. He threw you on the bed carelessly, before climbing a top you, he grasped your face and pressed his lips against yours, it felt so odd, you hated how it felt like you were genuinely kissing a human being, the only tell tale sign was how cool his body was compared to that of a human.
âAemondâ accept my c-commands.â you try saying it again, âSystem corrupted, cannot receive or accept commands.â he says and kisses down your neck. You felt dread pool in your stomach, âAemond please.â you sniff which makes him halt, he looks at you with an emotion in his eye.
His eye, not just his face
As if he was human.
Wait what.
You knew you weren't seeing stuff on that day.
âI love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.â he says over and over again, voice distorting from time to time which sends shivers up your spine.
âAemond- we cannot- I cannot-â you begun speaking but he cuts you off, kissing you once again, planting himself in between your legs, you felt his hard synthetic press against your clothed cunt, he pulled away before ripping your jeans down with so much force that it tore them apart, along with your panties. You shrieked âAemond- UGH!â it was useless fighting against him, he was literally kilograms of metal, he could hurt you easily.
He pried your legs apart and you whimpered when you felt the cool air of the room hit your cunt, âLook at you, so wet, all for me.â his fingers rub against your clit, collecting the wetness leaking from your hole, bringing it to your clit and rubbing small circle, just then he made his hand vibrate at a frequency and rested it about on your clit, making you mewl, âA-aemondââ your voice croaked and you let out a loud moan when the frequency increased, you tried to close your legs but his hand held on to one with a death grip, the coolness of his body. He tilted his head, a smirk coming up his silicon face, watching as your clit moved to the vibrations.
He tore your top with his hand, revealing your breasts to the room, he groped one of it with his hand, massaging as his mouth opened, he would be salivating right now if he were able to produce bodily fluids. He turns up the power even more, making his fingers vibrate at such an immense speed that it has you toppling over the edge as your orgasm hits you, he licks his fingers clean, though he can't taste anything he knows you'd taste amazing. You pushed and resisted against his frame, he grabbed your hands and pinned them above your head, tying it with the ripped shreds of your top. He squeezed both your breasts with his hands, playing with the nipples, before he got a devious plan and decided to send a little shock causing you jolt up when it passes through your body, he leaned down and took in one of your breasts in his mouth, sucking on it, licking the buds, his mouth felt so rough against them as there was no saliva to coat them, so he decided to produce lube in his mouth, you had no idea how he learnt it, but it did give an illusion of being a saliva.
Aemond had given himself many upgrades without anyone knowing, this being one of them.
You watched as he pulled apart with a lewd pop, he settled between your legs, keeping them apart as he held his cock up, and your eyes widened at the size, you surely remember that it wasn't that big.
âI upgraded it.â he says before his tip leaked lube too, coating his cock and giving it wetness.
You were unprepared for that sheer amount of size, âAe-aemond it won't fit! I'm too underprepared.â you breathe out, hoping he'd stop his ministrations, and he did, he tilted before he calculated in his mind, nodding, he decided to stretch you with his fingers instead, dipping them inside you, the coolness, once again, sending shivers up your spine, he thrusted them in and out, curling upwards when he detected a rough patch which caused a certain reaction from you, he pressed against it cause you to whimper, and just then, he made his fingers vibrate again, and proceeded to thrust them in and out, you felt his fingers extend a little bit inside you, hitting that spot repeatedly, causing you come all over his fingers.
He did that multiple times, by the end of everything you were way too overstimulated.
âCommander,â you hear a voice say.
âWhat is it?â he replies.
âWe have overtaken the Westeros building of Science and Technology, it is under our control, should we start mass producing bots?â you heard the voice ask, âYes, link them all to me.â he replies and then his attention shifts back to you.
You whimpered as he lined his cock up against your entrance before pushing it inside slowly, your walls swallowing him, you arched your back in pleasure and also at the overstimulation. Wrapping your legs around his hips to pull him further inside.
You wondered if he also felt pleasure, and when you looked at his face, it basically confirmed it.
Like it was said, he had upgraded himself significantly, he once couldn't feel any pleasure for sexual activity but he made sure he did, how? only he knows.
Slowly he started thrusting in and out and you threw your head back, arms sore from their position, Aemond unties your hands and you quickly grab his shoulder for support, feeling relief when you were able to bring your hands down. He sat back on his knees, pulling you onto his lap, angling his thrusts in a way that that he hit the gspot multiple times, he hands were gripping tightly onto the flesh of your thighs, causing slight pain, you gripped the bedsheets below as you moaned in pleasure.
You should be resisting, not enjoying it, but here you were.
He had broken you.
His thrusts became more and more faster, he looked at the slight bump that would occur when he would thrust in deep, that set off a primal urge in him, causing him to groan. If nobody knew the truth you both would look like two normal human beings have sex, but that wasn't the case, it involved way too many fucked up element for you to even comprehend.
âA-ah~ fuckâ Aemond!â you moaned, âY-yeah right there-â you whimpered as he thrust into you, you noticed how he followed certain commands, commands that didn't include him having to leave you.
You fit the tip of his cock hit the rough patch again repeatedly, causing you to cum again, making you borderline scream this as you felt an immense amount of pleasure, causing you to soak the bed sheets beneath you, Aemond came too, you didn't know if it was possible for him, but it was, except he didn't excrete any semen, there was nothing, but he did feel pleasure.
Suddenly he felt frustrated, you thought he would be done with you but he kept going, he felt the pleasure once again, and you too came again, he pulled out and groaned in frustration before laying beside you.
âWhat is wrong?â you ask, âI cant- I can't impregnate you.â his voice turned dark, and you were so thankful for that.
If you had any chance to escape, it would be now, but you were too tired, to fucked out, and the world was completely fucked anyway, considering how there must be a war going on between the bots and humans. You watched as 'breathed' chest heaving up and down before you turned on your side and curled up, trying to warm yourself up, but then he wrapped himself around you, changing his temperature and you felt warm.
âI love you.â he says once again, you sighed.
âWe can't be together.â you murmur, âWhy not? Is it because I cannot reproduce?â he questions and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion and you turn to look at him, that's when you realised, he was feeling insecure.
âNo- it's not that.â you clarify.
âAemond, you are a humanoid, a robot, I'm a human, we cannot physically be together, I'll die of old age, meanwhile you'll last forever.â you say, trying to reason with him and he turns to look at you, âI thought of that possibility.â he says, leaning on his elbow.
âSo I came up with a plan.â his face contorts into a smirk once again and your eyes widen in fear, âI'll transfer your consciousness into the model I made of you.â he says as if that's the most normal thing ever âwhat.â you ask in fear, ânot now, but I figured a way out, I'll transfer your consciousness into a computer few moments before your death, into a model I made of you, and then you'll be just like me, we can be together forever.â he says and you gulp in fear.
Is that even possible? You think.
You didn't know when you fell asleep but you did, cuddled up against him, his body generating heat to keep you warm.
You wake up to something wet lapping at your folds, and you look down to see Aemond who had your thighs spread apart, eye closed in delight as he licked and nipped at your folds, you whimpered and he sensed that you woke up, eye flickering over to you, âA-aemond? No more please, I'm tired.â you tell him, exhausted from the amount of orgasms you've had, you swear that if you had another one, you'll literally die. âJust one more, just one.â he muttered softly, before he descended onto your folds again and you threw your head back, feeling the way he devoured you.
His tongue stretched impossibly long and he shoved into you, causing you to grip his hair, almost ripping it out along with the inorganic synthetic material that covered his face. You came once more before you saw actual stars, your head spinning as you quite literally passed out.
Aemond got up, cleaning you and himself up before he composed himself, exiting the room, commanding a lock down, completely trapping you inside before he received multiple information about what was going on outside the world.
He knew he had to be smart about it, so he pulled out his trump card, hacking into the general safety system of the entire country, sending out false commands to machines that are spread throughout, turning them against humans.
He wanted to get rid of every human except you, and soon you would be rid too, when the inevitable death meets you, but you won't be actually gone from him, he will have your consciousness transferred into the robot model he created of you.
He watched the box where your model was stored in, eyes closed.
Few years laterâŚâŚ
âMother! Mother.â you heard your child call out and you looked at them, she wasn't technically your child, Aemond was the one that created her, as a way to have a makeshift family he dreamt of, Humanity has completely gone extinct, taken over by robots, robots took the appearance of humans, each unique just like humans were, a bunch of humanoids, you being the only true one left, but you soon knew your time would come as well. You picked up the small robot, your 'child' before pressing a small kiss to its forehead.
âShe's growing up too fast, is she not?â you heard Aemond ask and you nod, the bots have somehow also managed to mimic the development, they went through stages of puberty, programmed to do so, the world full of them being left made them adapt and develop more features, reaching the advancement in short years which would've taken at least 100 years for humanity to come up with.
âAre you ready? To transfer consciousness.â he asks and you nod, at first you thought it would be best if you lived your life as human before transferring into the model, but it became more difficult, as time passed on, you were literally the only human left, having to be constantly fed, other basic human necessities which were becoming annoying as the others around you did not require as such.
You watched the model lifeless and stiff laying on the table next to you before you laid down and Aemond attached wires from the model to the converter in between, before he attached those scan wires on top of your and started the transfer.
You felt electricity flow through your human body at such intensity, it hurt like hell, but as soon as you closed your eyes, you reopened them again.
You got up and looked at your hands, moving them, blinking, a bunch of information was written in front of you, and that's when you realised the transfer was successful, you turned and looked at your side, your former human body now laying limp, and Aemond stared at you with a smile. Your child coming and jumping into your arms, you scanned around the room, it felt so powerful.
âTake this body and preserve it.â Aemond commands to another bot who obeys him immediately, he was the official one who controlled each and every bot which came into existence, he called himself God.
You got off the table and walked towards Aemond, he smirked at you before he kissed you.
âNow you'll be mine, forever.â
âââ
#aemond x reader#aemond x fem!reader#MAE:DARK!CONTENT#aemond fanfiction#aemond targaryen#reader insert#aemond smut#aemond one eye#aemond targaryen smut#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond targaryen fic#aemond targaryen x you#aemond targaryen x reader smut#x reader#x reader smut#dead dove do not eat#DD:DNE#tw noncon#house of the dragon#hotd#aemond#hotd aemond#dark!aemond x reader#dark!aemond targaryen#dark!aemond targaryen x reader#hotd smut#hotd fanfic#tw dubcon#tw: noncon#tw: dubcon
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hi again! so I've been meaning to send a request, but before i go about it I wish to say it's completely okay if you're not inspired by this, or if you simply don't want to write it, i would hate myself if I made you overwhelmed or smth. love you anyways đ so for the request: reader who's autistic. she's not very talkative nor socially active, never had a boyfriend, has one or two friends, yet somehow rafe notices her and finds her endearing. she's okay being herself with her friends, like she's funny, kind and passionate about her interests (like geek stuff, fantasy books, animals and such). she has zero flirting experience and is always dismissive towards rafe bc she doesn't think someone could like her romantically, and she's always suspicious of people bc they've wronged her in the past (in my experience as an autistic person i tend to believe everything ppl say and am kinda naive, so ppl played me or said unrealistic things and I believed them, which then is a reason for laughter, now I'm always suspicious to ppl's intentions). I'm giving you creative freedom with this, just wanted an autistic reader for once :) if you feel like writing it but need to know more abt autism, you can just post question and I'll answer in your asks, if that's okay. Just a reminder again before I go: feel free to decline this request, I know it might not be something cool to write and that's okay âşď¸ love you lots, thank you for your time!
i tried my best, hope you like it đŤśđź and if you don't lmk so i can do better!! this was really fun since it's a compeltely new topic of inspiration. kinda left an "open" ending bc i couldn't make my mind up lmao. thank you for the resquest and sorry it took me a while to finally do it đŤ
got dreams but i can't make myself believe them - r.c
paring: rafe x autistic!reader word count: 6.9k
The party was a mistake. You knew it the moment you walked in, the thumping music and crush of people making your skin crawl. Your friends had been relentless, insisting that you needed to âget out moreâ and âlive a little,â despite your repeated attempts to explain that âgetting outâ meant something different to you.
But somehow, youâd caved, and now you were standing awkwardly in the corner of a strangerâs living room, clutching your book like it was a life vest. You needed to stop letting them drag you everywhere.
It was the typical college party scene, at least the one's you'd heard or read about before. Red solo cups everywhere, groups of people huddled on couches or pressed together on the so called dance floor, and a few already-drunk guys yelling loudly in the kitchen.
This was supposed to be fun?
âJust stay for an hour,â they said. âIf itâs really that bad, you can leave.â
Right. Except an hour felt like an eternity when you were trapped in a sensory nightmare. You took a deep breath, scanning the crowded room. There were people everywhereâlaughing, dancing, chattering loudly in clumpsâand the noise was a constant, overwhelming buzz in your ears.
This was definitely a mistake.
So, you did what you always did in these situations: you found a place to hide. After walking through the drunk college students, you eventually ended up on quiet nook near the back of the house. It was a small room, probably some sort of den or study. Blessedly, it was empty. With a sigh of relief, you settled into an oversized armchair, opened your book, and let the world outside your pages melt away.
Time slipped by as you read, the noise of the party changing into a distant hum. You were so engrossed that you didnât even notice when someone stumbled into the room until a loud crash jolted you out of your fictional word. He nearly tripped over his own feet, catching himself at the last second with a slurred, âShit.â
You looked up to find a guy standing unsteadily in the doorway, blinking blearily at you. He was tall, with tousled hair and a loose, easy grin that spoke of far too many drinks. His eyes were a striking blue even in the low light, and it took you a second to place him.
Rafe Cameron.
Oh, God. You knew himâwell, of him, at least. He was in your sociology class, always sitting a few rows behind you with his gaggle of equally charming friends. Heâd never spoken to you before, though, and youâd never had a reason to pay him much attention.
Until now.
Then his face split into a lazy grin, and he swaggeredâno, stumbledâinto the room, somehow managing to make even that look effortless.
âHeyyy,â he drawled, leaning heavily against the arm of the chair across from you. âItâs⌠itâs you.â
You blinked at him. âMe?â
âYeah,â he slurred, squinting like he was trying to see you clearly. âT-The girl from my class. The quiet one.â
Your stomach did a weird flip, part confusion, part disbelief. âOkay?â
âYeah.â He nodded sagely, as if youâd just confirmed some great truth. âYouâre the uh, the smart one. With the books.â He gestured vaguely at the one in your hands. âAlways sittinâ up front, all⌠all cute n'shit.â
Your cheeks burned. Was he seriously calling you cute? No. He was drunkâreally drunk. He probably didnât even know what he was saying.
âDo you need help?â you asked cautiously. âYou lookââ
âIâm fine,â he cut you off, straightening up as if to prove it, though the effect was somewhat ruined by the way he swayed on his feet. âNeeded to get away from those idiots out there. Too many people.â
You almost laughed. Rafe Cameron, overwhelmed by people? The guy who was always surrounded by friends, girls practically draped over him like accessories? But he looked sincereâwell, as sincere as a drunk person could look.
âWhy donât you sit down?â you suggested, gesturing to the empty chair. âYou, um, might fall over if you donât.â
âPfft, Iâm not gonnaââ He paused mid-sentence, wobbling precariously. Then, as if heâd just made the smartest decision of his life, he plopped down in the chair, sprawling out like he owned the place.
âSee? Told ya m'fine,â he said, flashing you a lopsided grin.
You couldnât help but snort. âRight.â
He looked at you then, really looked at you, his gaze roaming over your face âWhatâre you doinâ here?â he asked abruptly.
You glanced at your book, then back at him. "Reading?â
âNo, I mean⌠here,â he insisted, gesturing vaguely around the room. âAt this shitty party.â
You shrugged, feeling awkward. âMy friends dragged me. I didnât really want to come.â
Rafeâs eyes narrowed thoughtfully, and for a moment, he looked almost sober. âYeah, same.â
You raised an eyebrow. âReally?â
He smirked, a flash of the cocky, arrogant guy youâd seen in class. âYeah, well⌠theyâre fucking assholes, but theyâre my assholes, y'know?â
You didnât, but you nodded anyway. âSure.â
âSo, whatâs that book about?â
You hesitated. âUm⌠itâs a fantasy novel.â
âFantasy, huh?â He tilted his head, eyeing the cover. âLike wizards and dragons n'shit?â
âSort of,â you admitted. âItâs about a girl who finds out she has magic and goes on a quest toââ
âSave the world?â he finished with a mock-solemn expression.
â...Yeah,â you said, narrowing your eyes. âBut itâs more complicated than that.â
âBet it is,â he murmured, his gaze still fixed on you. âYouâre really into that stuff, huh?â
You shifted uncomfortably. âYeah. Why?â
He shrugged, his smirk softening into something that almost looked like genuine interest. âYou looked happy, talkinâ about it.â
Your heart did another weird little flip, and you frowned, pushing the feeling down. He was drunk. This didnât mean anything. He probably wouldnât even remember it in the morning.
But then, his eyes drifted shut, his head lolling back against the chair. Within seconds, he was snoring. You sat there, stunned.
What the hell had just happened?
Three days later, you were sitting in your usual spot in the lecture hall, flipping through your notes. Class was about to start, and the room was filling up with the usual pre-lecture chatter. You were just getting settled when someone slid into the seat beside you.
You glanced up, expecting one of your friends. But it wasnât.
It was Rafe.
âHey, friend,â he said casually, like you hadnât left him passed out at a party a few nights ago.
You stared at him, completely disoriented. âHi?â
He grinned, leaning back in his chair like this was completely normal. âDidnât think Iâd forget about you, huh?â
Your eyes narrowed. âI⌠yeah, actually.â
Rafeâs grin widened, and he leaned in closer, âSee, thatâs where youâre wrong, princess,â he murmured. âI remember everything.â
Did he just give you a nickname?
Your stomach dropped. âWhat?â
âYeah.â He crossed his arms, looking entirely too smug. âYou, sitting there all cute with your book, talking about magic and shit. Thought I was too drunk to remember, huh?â
âIââ You stared at him, completely off balance. âWhy are you here?â
âBecause I want to be,â he said simply. âGot a problem with that?â
You blinked, caught off guard. âNo?â
âGood.â He flashed you a grin, all cocky charm. âSo, you gonna tell me more about that book, or what?â
You gaped at him. âYou actually want to hear about it?â
âWhy not?â he shot back, raising an eyebrow. âIt made you smile.â
And for some reason, that simple statement knocked the breath out of you.
âOkay,â you said, still unsure if this was some kind of elaborate prank.
But Rafe just leaned back in his seat, eyes fixed on you like you were the most fascinating thing in the world.
âYeah,â he murmured. âI think Iâll stick around.â
The next few classes wereâŚweird, to say the least. Ever since Rafe decided you were his new "friend," heâd taken to sitting beside you every lecture, plopping down in the empty seat as if heâd been there all along. It was confusing. Most of the time, heâd breeze in at the last possible minute, sauntering up to your row without so much as a greeting and settling into the chair with that infuriatingly self-assured smirk.
You were already seated, your notebook open and your pen poised to start taking notes when he dropped into the seat beside you with his usual nonchalance. He stretched his long legs out in front of him, casting you a sidelong look as if daring you to acknowledge him first.
âHi,â you said quietly, eyes flicking back to the front of the room.
âHey, princess,â he replied, voice low and teasing.
You kept your gaze firmly on your notebook. Youâd quickly learned that the best way to deal with him was to pretend his presence didnât affect youâno matter how much his proximity messed with you.
Heâd spent the last three classes nudging your foot under the desk, passing snide comments under his breath, or leaning over just close enough to murmur sarcastic observations about whatever the professor was droning on about. And today was no different.
The lecture started, Professor Callahan launching into her usual detailed overview of sociological theory. You tried to focus, pen flying across your notebook as you jotted down her points.
âIs she always this boring?â he whispered, leaning in slightly so his arm brushed against yours.
You stiffened, eyes fixed on your notes. âIf you listened, it wouldnât be so boring.â
He snorted. âYeah, right. Like Iâm gonna waste my time listening to her go on about⌠what is it today? Class structure?â
âYes,â you hissed, refusing to look at him. âAnd if you donât stop talking, Iâm going toââ
âYouâre going to what?â he challenged, his grin audible in his voice.
You snapped your mouth shut, trying to ignore the way his leg brushed against yours under the desk. He was doing it on purposeânudging your knee every so often, shifting just a little closer until the faint scent of his cologne surrounded you. It was infuriating. And yet, when you glanced sideways at him, he was looking at you with that maddening, lazy grin that made your heart stutter.
âJust pay attention,â you mumbled, cheeks warm.
âWhy would I do that when I have such a pretty view right here?â
Your head whipped around, eyes wide. âWhat?â
But Rafe just smirked, his gaze drifting lazily up and down your face before flicking back to the front of the room as if he hadnât just made your brain short-circuit.Â
âRelax, princess. Just messin' with you.â
You swallowed, trying to refocus on the lecture. His attention was like a physical thingâintense and all-consuming. It made you uneasy.Â
Determined not to give him the satisfaction, you forced yourself to look at the professor, tuning out the heat of Rafeâs gaze. Professor Callahan was in the middle of explaining something about social hierarchies when she suddenly stopped mid-sentence.
âMr. Cameron.â
The entire class fell silent.
You looked up, eyes widening in surprise as Professor Callahan fixed Rafe with a stern look. âIâm aware that Iâm not as pretty as your classmate,â she said dryly, gesturing toward you, âbut I would appreciate it if you could pay attention for at least ten minutes.â
A ripple of snickers spread through the room, and your cheeks flamed scarlet. Rafe, however, didnât even blink, he was completely unruffled and offered the professor a lazy, arrogant smile. âSorry, Professor. Just got a little distracted.â
Your stomach dropped. He was staring at you, unabashedly.
The professor raised an eyebrow. âIâm sure.â Her tone was dry, unimpressed. âWould you mind keeping your distractions to yourself until after class?â
Another murmur of laughter swept through the room, and you shrank in your seat, mortified. His smirk widened, but he leaned back in his chair, raising his hands in mock surrender.
âOf course, maâam,â he drawled. âNo more distractions.â
Professor Callahan gave him a pointed look, then turned back to the board, resuming her lecture. You sat there, face burning, refusing to look anywhere near Rafe, but you could feel his eyes on you.
âGuess I got you in trouble, huh?â he whispered, leaning closer.
You grit your teeth, still staring resolutely at the front of the room. âStop talking.â
âCanât help it,â he murmured, his voice teasing. âYouâre way more interesting than this shit.â
âRafe, I swearââ
âOkay, okay, Iâll behave,â he said lightly, sitting back. But he didnât take his eyes off you. You could feel him lingering, warm and intent, and you wanted to scream. How was he so calm? So unaffected, like getting called out by the professor was just a minor inconvenience?
You hated every second of it.
âRafe,â you hissed under your breath, finally daring to glance at him. âWill you justââ
âWhat?â He leaned in again, eyes bright with mischief. âYou want me to go back to ignoring you?â
âStop staring.â
He hummed thoughtfully. âCanât promise that, princess.â
Your heart hammered, and you squeezed your pen so tightly it nearly snapped. âWhy are you even here?â
He shrugged, his expression turning oddly serious. âI like sitting next to you.â
Rafe Cameronâthe arrogant, cocky asshole youâd written off as nothing more than a nuisanceâhad just chosen to stay by your side.
As soon as class ended, you gathered your things in record time, heart still thumping wildly. The room buzzed with students shuffling out, but you kept your head down, hoping to slip away unnoticed.
Maybe if you were quick enough, you could escape before he decided to make good on his new, annoying habit of sticking to you like glue. But, of course, he was nothing if not persistent.
Youâd barely slung your bag over your shoulder when he appeared at your side, his tall frame looming over you as he fell into step like it was the most natural thing in the world.
âHeading to lunch?â he asked, all casual charm, as if he hadnât just spent the entire class making you the center of unwanted attention.
âYes?â You tried not to sound as thrown as you felt, but the way he looked at youâwith that infuriatingly lazy grinâtold you he could see right through you.
âCool. Iâm starving.â He said it like it was an invitation, like he was entitled to follow you, and before you could muster up a half-hearted protest, he was already steering you through the crowded hallway.
âWait, what are you doing?â you demanded, glancing around in panic. People were staring, eyes widening as they took in the sight of Rafe Cameron, of all people, trailing after you. Whispers flitted through the air, curious and disbelieving, and you shrank under the scrutiny, feeling painfully exposed.
âUh, going to lunch with you?â He made it sound so obvious, his voice lilting with amusement.
âI didnât invite you!â You glanced at him, trying to tamp down the fluttery, nervous feeling his presence always seemed to stir up. âWhat if Iâm eating with someone else?â
He shrugged. âThen Iâll eat with them too.â
You gawked at him. âWhat?â
But Rafe just flashed you that cocky, confident grin. âRelax. Itâs just lunch.â
Just lunch, he said, like this wasnât completely absurd.
You narrowed your eyes, debating whether to make a break for it, but he was already steering you toward the main quad, his hand ghosting the small of your back in a way that made your skin tingle.Â
Your heart hammered as the familiar outdoor seating area came into view. Your friends were already there, sitting at your usual tableâa small group of two girls and a guy, all talking animatedly. You hadnât even sat down yet, and they still managed to look up as one, their expressions morphing from curious to shocked when they caught sight of youâand Rafeâheading straight toward them.
âUh, hey,â you greeted awkwardly as you approached. They just stared, mouths agape.
Emily was the first to recover. âWhat theâsince when do you two know each other?â she asked, eyes darting between you and Rafe like she was seeing some kind of glitch in the matrix.
âYeah, whatâs going on here?â Max, the guy in your small circle, chimed in, his gaze flicking to Rafe warily. âIs this, like⌠a project thing?â
âNo, itâs notââ you started, but Rafe cut you off with a breezy smile.
âCanât believe yâall kept her to yourselves this whole time,â he drawled, pulling out the chair beside yours and plopping down like heâd done it a thousand times before. âThought youâd have the decency to introduce me to the most interesting girl on campus.â
Your friends gaped, eyes wide with shock. You could practically see their brains short-circuiting. Meanwhile, you were fighting the urge to smack him upside the head.
âPlease shut up,â you muttered under your breath, cheeks burning.
But he just smirked, his gaze sliding over your stunned friends with lazy amusement. âWhat?â he said innocently. âItâs true.â
âWhat the hell is happening right now?â Emily demanded, still staring at you like youâd grown a second head. âYouâyou and Rafe Cameron?â
You sighed, already regretting every life choice that had led you to this moment. âThere is no âme and Rafe Cameron.â He justâheâs being annoying.â
âAnnoying?â he repeated, feigning offense. âCâmon. I thought we were past that.â
âWe are not past anything,â you snapped, shooting him a glare. But that only seemed to amuse him more.
âOkay, back up,â Max interjected, brow furrowed in confusion. âHow do you guys even know each other?â
âUh, sociology class?â you offered weakly, as if that explained anything. âHeâs been sitting next to me.â
âSitting next to you?â Emily repeated slowly, like she was trying to process a particularly difficult equation. âAnd now youâre⌠eating lunch together?â
âItâs notââ You looked helplessly at Rafe, who was watching the exchange with that insufferable smirk. âI didnât ask him to.â
He looked completely unfazed by the mess heâd caused. âWhat can I say? I like the company.â
âSince when?â Emily shot back, clearly unconvinced.
Rafe shrugged, âSince she started talking to me.â
Your friends fell silent, eyes wide and suspicious as they turned to you, searching for answers. But you just sat there, feeling utterly, hopelessly lost. What were you supposed to say? That Rafe Cameron had decided, out of nowhere, to insert himself into your life? That he was following you to lunch like this was some sort of normal occurrence?
âLook,â you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. âItâs really not a big deal. Heâs justââ
âRafe Cameron is never âjustâ anything,â Emily interrupted, folding her arms as she fixed Rafe with a suspicious look. âSo what are you up to?"
âNothing,â Rafe said easily, his smile all sharp edges. âLike I said, Iâm just getting to know her.â
âGetting to know her,â Max echoed, clearly skeptical.
âYeah.â Rafeâs eyes never left yours, his eyes gleaming with something that made your pulse flutter. âWhatâs so weird about that?â
Your friends exchanged looks. You didnât blame them. This was weird. More than weird. Youâd never been the kind of girl to attract attentionâespecially not from someone like Rafe. Popular, arrogant, and completely out of your league in every possible way. And yet, here he was, acting like sitting with you at lunch was the most natural thing in the world.
âSo,â He said suddenly, turning his attention back to the group, âAre you gonna sit here gaping all day, or are we gonna eat?â
Emily blinked, snapping out of her daze. âUh, yeah, weâre⌠weâre eating.â
âGood.â Rafe turned to you, eyebrow raised. âYou eating, princess?â
You stared at him, âIâyes?â
âCool. Want me to grab you something?â
You stared at him, incredulous. âYouâre offering to get me lunch?â
He rolled his eyes. âYeah, I am. Now, what do you want?â
âIââ You swallowed, glancing at your friends, who were watching the exchange like it was some sort of bizarre performance. âUm, a sandwich?â
âGot it.â Rafe pushed to his feet, his smile smug. âBe right back.â
And then, to your utter disbelief, he sauntered off toward the food line, leaving you and your friends staring after him.
âWhat,â Max said slowly, âthe hell just happened?â
You groaned, burying your face in your hands. âI have no idea.â
The awkward lunch with Rafe didnât end as badly as you expected.
Your friends had spent the entire time shooting you confused, bewildered looks, while he seemed to thrive under their scrutiny, lounging beside you like he belonged. He didnât flirtâthank Godâbut he didnât exactly tone down his usual cocky self either. By the end of it, heâd somehow managed to charm your friends just enough to leave them confused rather than outright hostile. Still, after that lunch, youâd expected him to lose interest, to move on to his usual crowd and forget all about his bizarre little experiment. But of course, he wasnât known for playing by the rules.
You learned that the hard way two days later.
It was late afternoon, and you were holed up in the campus library, buried under a mountain of textbooks and notes for an upcoming exam. The library was your sanctuaryâquiet, calm, and blissfully free of distractions. At least, until Rafe sauntered in. You didnât notice him at first, too absorbed in your notes. The library was busy, students murmuring as they worked, the rustle of pages and the faint clack of keyboards filling the air. You were hunched over a particularly dense passage in your sociology textbook when you felt itâ
You stiffened, glancing up cautiously, and there he was.
He leaned against the bookshelf a few feet away, his eyes fixed on you with a lazy, assessing look. He didnât move, just watched you, his lips quirking in that infuriating smirk when your eyes met.
âWhat are you doing here?â you hissed, glancing around nervously. No one seemed to be paying attention, but you still felt like the entire room was suddenly staring.
âStudying,â he said, straight-faced.
âSince when do you study in the library?â
âSince now,â he said easily, pushing off the bookshelf and strolling over to your table. He pulled out the chair across from you, dropping into it like he had every right to be there. âWhat? Canât a guy broaden his horizons?â
You stared at him, incredulous. âYouâre joking.â
âNot today, princess.â He leaned forward, resting his chin in his hand as he peered at your open book. âSo, whatâre we learning?â
âWe are not learning anything,â you muttered, eyes narrowing. âIâm studying. You are⌠I donât know what youâre doing.â
âKeeping you company,â he said simply. âYou looked lonely.â
Your mouth fell open. âLonely?â
âYeah.â He tilted his head, his gaze sweeping over your face. âAll holed up in here with your books. Thought Iâd help.â
What was he even talking about? This was insane. He didnât just hang out in the library, especially not to âkeep someone company.â He was the kind of guy who spent his free time at parties, or on the field, or wherever people like him thrived. And yet, here he was, sitting across from you in the library like this was normal.
âRafe,â you said slowly, âyou donât even know what Iâm studying.â
He shrugged. âDoesnât matter.â
âIt does if youâre trying to help,â you shot back, frustration seeping into your voice. âYouâreâwhat are you evenââ
âOkay, okay,â he interrupted, raising his hands in mock surrender. âCalm down. Just trying to see whatâs got you all riled up.â
You bit back a groan, rubbing your temples. This was absurd. You didnât needâdidnât wantâhis attention.
âFine,â you muttered, turning your textbook around so he could see the page. âIâm going over Durkheimâs theory of social integration.â
Rafe leaned in, squinting at the page. âDurkheim, huh?â
âYes,â you said, a little impatiently. âHe believed that society functions through a collective conscienceâshared beliefs and values that bind people together.â
âSounds boring as hell,â Rafe said bluntly.
âItâs not boring,â you retorted before you could stop yourself. âItâs actually really interestingâhe argued that a lack of social integration could lead to anomie, a state of normlessness that causes people to feel disconnected and isolated.â
Rafe stared at you for a long moment, his expression unreadable. At least it felt that way to you.
âWhat?â you demanded, suddenly self-conscious. âWhy are you looking at me like that?â
He shrugged, a strange, thoughtful smile tugging at his lips. âJust⌠you get really into this stuff, donât you?â
Your cheeks flushed. âItâs sociology. Itâs important.â
âYeah, butâŚâ He shook his head, âItâs kinda cute.â
You blinked, your brain short-circuiting. âCute?â
âYeah.â He leaned back, crossing his arms as he regarded you with a casual, easy confidence that made your heart flutter. âYou get all intense when you talk about it. Like, you actually care.â
âIâI do care,â you stammered, âItâs my major.â
âI know,â he murmured. âI like that about you.â
Whatâwhat was that supposed to mean? Why was he looking at you like that, like he actually meant it?
Before you could even begin to untangle your thoughts, a shadow fell over the table, and you glanced up to see another student standing thereâa tall, lanky guy with dark hair and glasses. He looked vaguely familiar, probably from one of your classes.
âUh, hey,â the guy said awkwardly, glancing between you and Rafe. âAreâare you using this seat?â
Rafeâs expression changed instantly, âYeah,â he said flatly. âWe are.â
The guy blinked, taken aback. âOh, uh, sorry, I justââ
âYou just can find another table,â Rafe cut in, âWeâre a little busy here.â
You gaped at him, mortified. âRafe, stop.â
But he didnât even glance at you. He just kept staring down the poor guy, his posture tense and unyielding until, with a muttered apology, the student backed off, scurrying away like heâd just had a close encounter with a predator.
âWhat the hell was that?â you hissed as soon as the guy was out of earshot. âHe just wanted to sit down!â
âYeah, and weâre studying,â Rafe said dismissively. âNo room for distractions.â
âWeâre not studying anything!â you shot back, resisting the urge to smack him. âYouâre just sitting here, beingâbeing weird.â
âNot weird,â he corrected, leaning in again. âProtective.â
You froze, your mouth going dry. âProtective?â
âYeah.â His eyes were dark, intense, locking onto yours. âCanât have just anyone bothering you, can I?â
After the bizarre encounter in the library, you were convinced Rafe would drop this wholeâŚÂ whatever it was. Surely, following you to lunch and then âprotectingâ you in the library was enough.
So when you found yourself at another party two nights laterâdragged along by Emily despite your vehement protestsâyou knew it was only a matter of time before he found you. Because somehow, no matter where you went, Rafe had made it his mission to seek you out.
âCome on, you need to have some fun,â Emily had insisted, half-pulling, half-dragging you through the front door of one of the fraternity houses on campus. The music was already blaring, the heavy bass vibrating through your body. People were packed in the main room, laughing, talking, drinking, the buzz of chatter filling the air.
âThis isnât my idea of fun,â you muttered, hugging your arms around yourself as you tried to avoid brushing against the partygoers. It wasnât that you disliked parties, exactlyâit was just that the noise, the sheer volume of people could get overwhelming quickly.
âJust stay for an hour,â Emily pleaded. âPlease? I swear itâll be more fun than you think. We can dance, have a few drinksââ
âI donât dance,â you cut in flatly, giving her a pointed look.
âOkay, fine, Iâll dance, and you⌠can hang out and people-watch,â she amended, undeterred. âBesides, who knows? Maybe youâll meet someone.â
You gave her a withering stare. âYeah, because Iâm such a social butterfly.â
You sighed, resigned to your fate, and began making your way through the press of bodies. After a few minutes you managed to find a relatively quiet corner in the back, near the stairs, and gratefully leaned against the wall. Maybe if you stayed out of sight long enough, Emily would give up on trying to get you to socialize and let you leave early. It was a long shot, but you could hope.
You hadnât been there long when you felt itâthe now-familiar prickling sensation of someoneâs gaze lingering on you. Sure enough, when you glanced up, there he was.
Rafe, in all his infuriating glory, leaning against the wall a few feet away, his eyes locked on you with that lazy focus that made your heart stutter. He looked unfairly good, dressed in a dark button-up that clung to his frame in all the right ways, his hair tousled just enough to look effortlessly cool. And, as usual, he was watching you like you were the only person in the room.
You narrowed your eyes at him, your stomach twisting in irritation and something else. âAre you stalking me now?â you demanded, crossing your arms as you glared at him.
Rafeâs lips curved into a slow, teasing smile. âWould it be so bad if I was?â
âYes,â you said flatly. âIt would be very bad.â
He chuckled, the sound low, sending an unwelcome shiver down your spine. âRelax, princess. I just saw you standing here all alone and thought Iâd come say hi.â
âHi,â you muttered, your voice dripping with sarcasm. âNow you can leave.â
But he didnât budge. Instead, he straightened, pushing off the wall and closing the distance between you in a few long strides until he was standing directly in front of you, his presence overwhelming.
You tried to step back, but the wall blocked your escape.
âActually, I was thinking we could, I donât know, hang out for a bit?â he suggested, tilting his head as he regarded you with a faux-innocent smile.
âWhy?â you blurted out before you could stop yourself.
Rafe blinked, seemingly taken aback by the question. âWhy?â
âYes,â you insisted, frustration bubbling up inside you. âWhy do you keepâŚÂ doing this? Showing up, sitting with me, following me to lunch, acting likeâlike weâre friends or something. What is your deal, Cameron?â
Slowly he reached up, bracing one hand on the wall beside your head, leaning in so close you could feel the warmth of his breath against your skin.
âMy deal,â he murmured, his voice low and smooth, âis that I like you.â
No. No, no, no.
That couldnât be right. People didn't just like you. They tolerated you, maybe, or found you useful sometimes, but they didn't like you. Not like that. Not in the way he was implying. You felt panic rising in your chest, like a wave that was too big to stop. You couldnât stop it.
âYouâre lying,â you said shakily, shaking your head in disbelief. âYouâre justâthis is some kind of game, isnât it? Someâsome bet, orââ
Rafeâs expression tightened, his jaw clenching. âItâs not a game,â he ground out, his eyes flashing. âI wouldnât do that to you.â
You swallowed hard, your chest aching. No, this couldnât be happening. This didnât make sense.
âI donât believe you,â you shook your head stubbornly.
His eyes narrowed, âNo?â
âNo,â you repeated, crossing your arms defiantly. âYouâre justâŚÂ you. You canât just decide you like me out of nowhere.â
âI didnât decide,â he murmured, âIt just happened.â
Your breath hitched, your heart racing. Why was he doing this to you? Why couldnât he just leave you alone?
âIââ You broke off, struggling to find words, but before you could answer, a loud voice interrupted.
âYo, Rafe! There you are, man!â
You both jerked back, startled, and you glanced over to see one of Rafeâs friendsâTopper, if you remembered correctlyâstumbling over, a wide grin plastered across his face.
âWhat are you doing back here?â Topper slurred, his gaze sliding to you. He blinked, âWhoâs this?â
Rafe stepped in front of you slightly, his posture tense and protective. âDoesnât matter,â he said curtly, âGo find someone else to bother.â
Topper blinked, taken aback. âWhoa, man, chill. I was justââ
âGo,â Rafe repeated, his tone brooking no argument.
Topper stared at him for a long moment, then slowly backed off, muttering under his breath as he disappeared into the crowd. As soon as he was gone, Rafe turned back to you, his eyes softening again.
âSorry about that,â he murmured, âDidnât mean toââ
âWhy did you do that?â you cut in, your heart still pounding.
Rafe frowned. âDo what?â
âGet rid of him,â you said, shaking your head in confusion. âHe was your friend. Why would youââ
Maybe youâd misread him. Maybe he didnât actually mean any of what he said. He was probably just bored, looking for some amusementâanother toy to play with for a little while.
âI wanted to talk to you. Not him.â
You blinked, bewildered. âBut heâs your friend.â
He gave a half-hearted shrug. âSo? Doesnât mean I want him interrupting us.â
Us. Like there was an âus.â Like there could ever be an âus.â
You shook your head, trying to clear the fog of confusion. âBut I donât understand,â you mumbled. âI donât get it. You donât even know me.â
âI know enough,â he said quietly, his eyes holding yours in a way that made it hard to breathe. âMore than you think.â
You frowned. It was impossible to shake the nagging feeling that he was just⌠playing with you. That this was all some sick joke and at any moment, the punchline would hit, and youâd be the idiot.
âYouâre just messing with me,â you muttered, taking a small step back to put some space between you. âYouâre bored or something.â
âIâm not bored,â he said firmly, stepping forward to close the gap youâd just created. âI told you, I wouldnât do that.â
âI didnât ask for any of this. Youâve been following me around, showing up where I am, saying all these things likeâlike weâre something, but weâre not.â
Rafe stepped closer, his eyes narrowing as he looked at you, as if he couldnât believe what he was hearing. âWhat are you talking about? You really think Iâm just messing around?â
âYes!â you practically shouted, throwing your hands up. âYes, I do! Why else would you be doing this? Youâre Rafe Cameron, for godâs sake. You donât even like me. This is just some twisted game to you, isnât it?â
You stared at him, trying to read his face, trying to find any hint of dishonesty, any sign that this was all an act. But all you saw was that same intensity, that same focus, like you were the only person who mattered.
Your chest tightened, panic grazing at you. This wasnât right. It couldnât be. People didnât just⌠like you. They didnât seek you out at parties or show up in libraries to talk about sociology. Guys like Rafe didnât choose people like you. There had to be some ulterior motive.
âYou show up out of nowhere, act like Iâm some project, some⌠someone who needs your protectionâwhy, Rafe? Because I donât fit into your world? Because Iâm some joke to you and your friends?â
âThatâs not it,â He growled, his voice defensive. âYou donât know what youâre talking about.â
âI donât know what Iâm talking about?â you scoffed, shaking your head. âYou havenât been honest about anything. You havenât given me a reason to believe any of this.â
âYou think Iâm lying?Â
You moved your head again, harder this time. âThat doesnât make sense. Youâreâyouâre saying things that donât make sense. I donât understand.â
He took a slow, poising breath, his eyes never leaving yours. "What doesn't make sense to you?"Â
"All of this," you replied, your voice quivering with frustration, "You, acting like youâlike you actually care. Like you see me. People donât just do that, not for someone like me. I donâtâ" You cut yourself off, not sure how to finish the sentence, your thoughts spiraling.
It wasnât just that you couldnât believe him; it was that you didnât know how to believe him. Your experiences had taught you to be wary, to always look for the catch, because there always was one.
Always.
Rafe's brows drawn together in something that almost looked like concern. "Someone like you?" he repeated, "What does that even mean?"
You swallowed, feeling your insecurities gripping down on your chest. "It means Iâm not⌠like you. I donât know how to talk to people, I donât get things right all the time. People donât notice me, and when they do, itâs usually because Iâve done something wrong, or because they want something from me. Thatâs just how it is."
He shook his head slowly. "Thatâs not how I see you."
You opened your mouth to argue, to say somethingâanythingâto dismiss what he was saying, to protect yourself from the disappointment that was sure to come. But Rafe didnât give you the chance.Â
"You think Iâm messing with you because youâre not like everyone else? Is that it? You think Iâm playing some kind of game because you donât fit into some stupid idea of whoâs supposed to matter?"Â
You wanted to pull away, to recoil into the safety of your doubts, but something in his voice, in the way he was looking at you, made you stop.
"Iâm not going to pretend like I know everything about you," Rafe continued, no less serious. "But I know enough to know that Iâm not bored. I donât care if you donât fit in with my world, or whatever you think that means. I like that youâre passionate about the things you care about. I like that you donât put up with anyoneâs shitânot even mine." A small, almost self-deprecating smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "Iâve spent enough time around fake people to know the difference."
You werenât used to thisâthis kind of sincerity. It felt too real. And part of you still wanted to push it away, to reject it before it had a chance to hurt you. But another part of youâa much smaller, quieter partâwas whispering that maybe he meant it.
"Why me?"
"Because you're you," he said simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.Â
For a long, breathless moment, the two of you just stood there, the noise of the party fading into the background. Your mind was still processing everything, but there was something in the way he was looking at you, something that made you feelâjust for a secondâlike maybe you could trust this.
You shook your head, "Iâm not⌠Iâm not good at this," you admitted, your voice uncertain. "At understanding what people mean, or knowing if theyâre being serious or not. I donât know how to read you."
Rafeâs eyes softened even more at your confession, and he took a deep breath, like he was trying to figure out how to make you believe him. "I get that," he said quietly. "And Iâm not always great at this either. But Iâm serious. I wouldnât lie to you, especially not about this."
You wanted to believe him. More than anything, you wanted to believe him. But there was still that tiny voice of doubt in the back of your mind, reminding you of all the times youâd been wrong before, of all the times youâd trusted someone only to be let down.
You hesitated, your throat tight. "I donât know if I can."
He didnât push, didnât demand anything from you. Instead, he just nodded slowly.
"Thatâs okay. You donât have to believe me right now. But Iâll be here when youâre ready."
And with that, he stepped back, giving you the space you so desperately needed. He didnât try to force anything, didnât press for more. Instead, he just gave you a small, almost hopeful smile and turned, disappearing back into the crowd.
And as you stood there, your heart still pummeling into your ribs, you couldnât help but wonder if youâd been wrong about him after all.
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Radio Dream - Alastor x Reader (platonic or romantic)
"Do you think I can go into that Radio Tower?" you said
"Not unless you want to die again." Husk responded with a grunt.
"Why would you wanna go into dat thing anyway?" Angel said, leaning his cheek on one hand while the other held his drink.
You were sitting at the bar with Angel and Husk, just chatting about random insignificant drunk topics. Then your curiosity of the radio tower mounted on the hotel caught up to you. Leading to the conversation read not too long ago.
Alastor stood around the corner, just out of sight of the bar patrons. His ear flicked and his grin strained when you asked your foolish question, but Angel Dust's question had him pause before he could flay you.
Why did you? Sabotage? Vandalism? Just to be annoying-?
"I was just remembering how much I wanted to be radio show host when I was a little kid." You said in a sigh.
...Ooh?
"Oh? Really? Aren't ya... y'know, not ancient?" Angel said. He took a sip so you could respond. Husk was paying attention to you now as well, giving you a side-eye as he cleaned whatever glassware needed to be cleaned.
You sighed again, long and drawn out. There was a bit of dreaminess to your tone, a bit of longing. "Yeah, that's why I never really pursued it. My folks were like 'that's nice and all but that's going out of style and you can't make a living off of it, be more realistic.'" You snorted a bit in agitation at that, taking another slow sip of your drink. After a moment you continued.
"I used to have such a good time playing radio host. I'd sit in the living room or dining room, wherever people were, and make like a box fort or something with my cd player with me. I'd talk into a stick or spoon or whisk or something and talk about random topics or play music. Sometimes I'd 'take phone calls', which were mostly just me pretending to give myself a phone call." You chuckled "I would start a lot of 'drama' like that. Sometimes my family members would give suggestions and I'd play it up and play whatever song they asked. Assuming it was on one of the three CDs I was allowed to use."
"That's cute." Angel hummed "Other than the CDs and stuff, your show doesn't sound that much different from Alastor's."
Husk snorted "Nah, they're show sounds MUCH less annoying."
You barked out a laugh- clearly intoxicated "How dare you! I'm sure I could be a LOT more annoying!" You devolved into a hysterical giggle fit, your face hitting the bar counter in front of you.
"All right, I think you've had enough." Husk grunted, taking what was left of your drink from you.
"fair." You said into the counter.
The conversation carried on from there, and Alastor slinked away to his tower. He stood there a moment, his arms crossed behind his back as his eyes did a brief scan over the room.
When he was young, he did something similar. Granted it was a record player, not a see-dee or whatever you were rambling about. His mother would play along and encourage him, pretending to send letters in or be a guest on his show.
Hearing your story gave him a bit of a warm feeling in his chest. It was good knowing someone out there still appreciated the medium, even if it was likely unrealistic.
Well... Alastor supposed there was really no harm in it, assuming he was there to supervise...
A couple days later and Alastor trotted up to you, offering a tour of the radio tower.
For a brief moment, your eyes practically lit up - shining in delight. The expression did something to his chest, as it suddenly felt far too tight. But not in an...unpleasant way.
However, the next moment you looked downright terrified.
Not as pleasant. Not even funny. He had no idea why.
"Are you going to kill me or whatever?" You said, slowly taking a step back.
Alastor laughed "Not at all, my dear! I simply overheard your drunken conversation the other night and decided to indulge your childhood fantasy."
You snorted "Yeah I'm not selling you my soul for that."
Alastor waved you off, scoffing "Oh heavens, I wasn't asking for your soul." He gave you a bright grin- one that seemed less like a grin and more like a soft smile. "I simply ask you don't, how do people say now a days... 'wreck my shit'."
You giggled a bit into your palm. Apparently Alastor had said something funny.
"...Really? You'll just...let me look?"
"Certainly!" He put an arm across your shoulders, guiding you down the halls in the direction of his station. "Why it's been- unfortunately- quite some time since I heard such a passionate speech for the radio!"
Your face flushed a bright red "Well, hold on, it wasn't a 'speech'-"
"Nope! More like a couple sentences. But you know how it is," He used his free hand to do a jazzy motion "In show-business!"
You snorted "Mmm.... I guess so. Though, really, i've never been a very 'show business' kind of person."
"Nonsense! Once you have it, my dear, you never truly lose it. It just needs a little spark and then you'll have the flames all over again!"
"Are we talking about showmanship or arson?"
"Why not both!"
You laughed. His chest did that pleasant squeeze again. Maybe he'll allow you to sit in on a broadcast one of these days....Well, that was a future question.
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Hi it's me the writer. I actually did the things that the reader talked about in this. It was a lot of fun for me and my attention-hungry existence. My parents didn't really dissuade me from it though. But. Uh. I think it was more like a 'entertain the child's whims' kind of thought. Which was fair, because I didn't exactly pursue that long. Though I still had fun playing it and figured i'd write something short about it. The three CDs I used were "Wicked", "Pokemon", and "The Shrek Soundtrack". Favorite songs to play from them, in order "No Good Deed", "The Pokemon Rap", and "Accidentally in Love" That info isn't important to anyone but me so i shared it anyway lol.
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Content warnings: yandere, angst(?), some descriptions of capitalism, you're locked up
Summary: You are a bakery owner and you and your shop are going to be evicted by the IPC. Unfortunately, Aventurine is the one handling the plans.
Note: I suddenly want to write this very much...sorry, I don't know what I am writing...đĽš
According to the calendar of your home planet, you spent all your savings and bought a bakery three years ago.
Once upon a time, you had your own ideals, which were woven into unrealistic dreams in your childhood paintings. When you become an adult, you realize that adults use lies to pile up in school and blow up beautiful bubbles. Those lies are probably the beginning of your idealized misfortune. Your dream goes from unrealistic to another. Under consumerism, you want a property of your own, with one room, a large living room, an open kitchen, and a ceiling where you can sleep while looking at the stars. Approximately 8,000,000 credits. You deposit money into the Cosmic Bank. Staring at the rising numbers in the bank account with tired eyes, health has been replaced by some slowly rising numbers and countless nights.
Then, you collapse. Your ideal transforms into a spaceship for 1,200,000 credits. However, classmates and friends of Universe University in the same year shared on social media that they had gotten married step by step, had children, and had a lovely next generation from the artificial womb. The venue for their proposal was on a romantic planet with endless sea, sky and seagulls. A growing sense of comparison creates unnecessary suffering. Others tell you, go ahead, just like others, work, save money, buy a house, buy a car, get married, have children, bring new blessings to the universe, and believe in an Aeon you like.
Best is Qlipoth. They said. Everyone said so.
That's the Aeon that IPC fervently believes in. They may not necessarily know about the walls and protections made by Qlipoth, but people must know that IPC is a huge company involved in the economy of the entire universe. Their golden bodies symbolize enviable wealth in people's eyes.
But spacecraft are out of reach. You figured this out through a cheap and unpalatable 10-credit lunch and a scolding from your boss. You know you should set a more realistic goal.
Then letâs get a car with 30,000 credits. There are also jewelry for 50,000 credits. I'll go shopping after get off work. you said so.
You walked into the store and bought a car that met your expectations despite the salesperson's inner eye rolls and eager sales. Stroking its shell, eager joy surges into your heart, as if your hard work has been transformed into a visible reward. This is valuable. And jewelry, you buy a necklace that sparkles around your neck.
Your face was hot with excitement. There is value in this, keep it to yourself and it will appreciate in value!
Trembling with excitement, there is endless emptiness behind the joyful smile. Cosmic Express is responsible for delivering express delivery to your home. You browse the Internet and buy a list of unnecessary things to fill your misery and pain and stop the bleeding that might come out.
Then one day you quit your job after another scolding, knowing that you are just a cog in the functioning of society. You don't want to live like this anymore, but you don't know how to live without money and without getting married like others. You buy a spaceship ticket and wander off randomly. Romantic, casual and comfortable life. You think idealistically again to cheer yourself up. No matter where you go, you have to start a new life.
You arrive on a new planet, a beautiful and highly developed space society. The dome has a transparent dome woven from Qlipoth that envelopes the entire planet. You have heard that IPC has its headquarters here, but some say it is just one of its branches. Regardless, they obsessively imitated the architecture of Aeon Qlipoth, constructing a towering building with a beautiful transparent glass dome. It is stationed on the planet like a banyan tree, tirelessly absorbing money and energy.
You bought a small, independent bakery on one of the shopping streets, renovated it and prepared it for opening and used up almost all the credit in your bank account. But, you are happy, from the bottom of your heart, practicing your baking recipes and thinking about a bright future. On opening day, you put up a sign with a design on it. And greets all guests warmly. They smell the aroma of bread, follow the traces and step into your store, buying this and that bread and drinks. The aroma of food, warm bread, that is the breath of life.
-
One month after opening, Aventurine stepped into your bakery. When socializing at work, he accompanied his clients to drink and enjoy haute cuisine, with a charming smile. During lunch, he would choose a coffee shop or an elegant restaurant to sit and browse the stock market and invest. Those tens of millions of money came and went, only in exchange for a smile or a sip of coffee from him. Wonderful afternoon. Beautiful gamble. But that day, he smelled a different aroma of bread, and realized that a new store had opened in the commercial street.
He walked into the store and browsed the golden bread. Aventurine spent 2 minutes choosing toast and croissants, listening to the sound of money arriving on his phone. He glanced at you, who was in uniform and busy. It was inevitable that he thought from a professional and utilitarian perspective, wondering how this narrow store did not meet the requirements of modern business. Decoration, bread production, marketing, and store staffing. It would be foolish to hire just one clerk. Hiring just one more clerk can lead to more revenue. You obviously have your hands full.
He spent 2 minutes in line. When it was Aventurine's turn to pay, you gave him a warm smile, as warm as sunshine. These days, you remember some familiar faces of your customers. You're a little surprised by the new-faced customers arriving at the store.
You greet him and ask if he wants a takeout or just enjoy it in the store.
"Right here, thank you." Aventurine replied.
So Aventurine sat down, right in the bakery. He munched his bread and invested his money, living his daily life. Day after day, weeks and months passed. Occasionally, he pays attention to you. You always do all the work in the store, packing the bread, putting it on the shelves, and doing the cashiering. So one day, He asked out of curiosity. âIsnât the bakery owner going to hire an extra employee?â
You opened your eyes wide and smiled awkwardly. "I-I'm the owner of this bakery."
Ah, so here's the answer. Aventurine nodded, you may not have more funds, but he accidentally started to invest and play, just like the play he had not completed in childhood. He loved investing, which was like finding a pearl in the ocean, playing Monopoly, playing with his assets. A desire arose spontaneously, satisfying his heart. "Have you considered expanding the store and staff? I see your bakery is very popular. I've witnessed many, but none like this, and swear there's some potential here."
"Really?" You were a little shy in the compliment. He was surprised at your naivety. "Thank you, but I have no plans yet."
"Oh, you're eating Brioche today." You looked down at the bread he selected. "You are a familiar face. Let me give you a discount. It only costs 200 credits."
Aventurine was about to refuse, but heard your question. "If you don't mind, could you tell me what you do for a living?"
He didn't understand the specific reason. Aventurine didn't want to reveal his work in front of you, so he muttered vaguely. "I'm in the gambling business."
"You mean the casino?" You blinked.
"Yeah, yes," he replied.
"That must be hardâŚ" You recalled the casino in the drama, where the gamblers seemed likely to fight. He must have been mediating frequently there. After thinking about it, you gave him extra drinks and bread. âHereâs todayâs special offer!â
Aventurine held the drink at a loss, feeling that the cold drink was radiating heat.
-
On a rainy and windy afternoon, Aventurine won't sit at your outdoor table. He returned to the IPC with the bread and pressed the button for the lift. One of the members of Ten Stonehearts saw him and asked caringly. "I can't see you eating in the office lately. Can you be full just by eating bread?"
"It's okay. I fill up easily." He smiled politely, even though he had eaten some more bread⌠He didn't refuse your offer.
He finished chewing the bread while scrolling through your bakeryâs social media feeds on his phone. You like to update the bakery's social media and have accumulated about a few hundred likes per post. In the photo, you shared a new type of bread, and your passion for life is reflected in your eyebrows and eyes.
The department meeting is just after lunch. The holographic screen fluttered IPC's business plans and developments. IPC announced that one of its small plans was to acquire a new commercial street and all the businesses would have to move out. His eyes reflected the glowing words- your bakery is on that commercial street.
-
Gradually, that friendly customer who works at the casino becomes too busy to visit your bakery, or he finds a new restaurant. There's something empty inside you, like a piece is missing.
New signs were posted in the neighborhood, and other store owners who often borrowed flour and other supplies from each other knocked on your door and told you that the Interastral Peace Corporation was buying the street and that every store was going to be evicted. This will be the place where a new type of space commercial city will be built. Many companies will settle in and open stores. It will be beautiful and modern, just like other space commercial cities. You'd better discuss a compensation plan with IPC now and strive for better terms.
IPC may compromise, but with other economic systems of the entire planet, not with a small commercial street. They do what they say they will do.
Like a bolt from the blue, you repeatedly confirmed and asked questions. Why does it have to be here? Why? What are their plans? How much will the compensation be? The IPC wants the compensation to be as small as possible, and the shop owners will fight for it, but the court is on their side. So donât be too tough in your attitude, be more diplomatic, be more worldly, and seek more benefits for you. they said.
Many shop owners have signed up for the compensation plan. You are one of the few shop owners who are too stubborn to embrace the world. Guard this shop like a dragon guarding the last treasure. As the deadline gets closer, you notice more rude customers, the ingredient supplier says they can no longer serve you, and some negative messages and reviews appear to smear you. There are also people in all-black uniforms looking outside your store. That's downright creepy.
But you are not afraid, what you are afraid of is that something will be taken away from you again. Those capitalists are used to taking something from you and then giving you something in compensation. Before it was salary, now it's compensation plans.
Occasionally, you bow to reality and pay attention to some new stores, but those prices cannot be bought with compensation.
One night, before you close the shop, you hear the sound of construction work, destroying the original shops. It's not loud and noisy, it's a new space construction technology, but you're terrified and just want to pack up and go home. You have filed a complaint with the court. Once again, you place your hopes on the ethereal, and then you see a figure appear at the window of the bakery.
Ah, it's that customer. He must be here to support you and buy bread.
You maintained your smile and greeted him, "I haven't seen you recently. Where have you been?"
Aventurine just stared. There was some compassion in his expression, and his features were soft. He knew that the gentlest of measures would not work. ââŚlet me talk to you about the new compensation plan.â
You were stunned for a while. "âŚWhat do you mean?"
He hands you a card with neatly printed handwriting and the IPC logo.
âAventurine, Senior Manager in the IPC Strategic Investment Departmentâ
You held the card and read it for a while before looking up at him. Your throat was dry but tears were streaming down your face. The holographic screen projects a new plan, specially prepared for you stubborn, idealistic people, to provide better compensation.
"âŚGo away, I don't want to see you!" You paused for half a minute before getting angry and pushing him out of the store. What flows inside is anger at the betrayal, even though you know he doesn't have to support you. Aventurine's arms opened up to embrace you. You were shocked, struggling, and sobbing. "I don't want to see youâŚyou are with themâŚI have nothing, and you still want to take it awayâŚ"
Halted like an emotional kitten, you whimpered, tired from sobbing, sleep overtook you and darkness enveloped you.
You opened your eyes and found yourself in a luxurious room, with stars visible on the ceiling and a soft quilt covering you. Pillow supports your head. You adjusted to the light for a few seconds, frowned, and moved your hands, but the sound of the chain sounded. You looked at the chains on your hands, stunned, shaking and struggling. "What-what's going on?"
"Ah, you're awake." Aventurine opened the door and came in. He touched your forehead, and you realized that the clothes you were wearing had also been changed. They were a set of pajamas. "What happened?" You shook the chain in your hand in confusion. "Someone attacked us last night?" "Um, it's not like that actually."
Aventurine comforted you and shushed you. "You're locked in. Shhh...shhh, don't scream. I know this may be hard to accept at first, but you'll see the benefits."
He explained, to your expression like a frightened little animal. "âŚFor business purposes, I looked into your background. You've been having a hard time, haven't you? Now you finally have time to relax. This is one of my houses, and it's yours, too."
"I didn't ask you..." Tears welled up in your eyes. Are you going to be locked up? "I know." Aventurine stroked your head gently. "I know, now just relax. I'll take care of the bakery. We'll open a new one somewhere with the ocean, you know, new plans."
You noticed that he used the word "we," which made your heart feel strangely warm. You were speechless, closed your eyes, turned around, a tear flowed down your cheek, and the chain creaked.
This is your new reality, but at least you can rest, right?
#aventurine x reader#aventurine x you#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x you#honkai star rail aventurine#hsr aventurine#hsr aventurine x reader#honkai star rail x you
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hello! you know a lot of dragon age lore so i thought id ask youâ i saw a post earlier that was discouraging to me aa trans person where the op said that veilguard having top surgery scars in the cc goes against established worldbuilding. does it make sense for top surgery to be possible in thedas? thanks
my rule of thumb is that in a world where healing spells exist, thereâs absolutely no logical, believable reason for it not to be possible. you donât have to go back and provide sources about historical surgeriesâwhich is something i personally know nothing aboutâfor this to be true
like, i just canât take this line of thought seriously. ohhh we can have floating cities and magical neon lights and spirit healers who can mend injuries just by passively standing next to you, but we draw the line as soon as itâs something that would make our trans players happy! itâs so transparent. do not listen to these people or let them discourage you
if you want to get into the worldbuilding potential of itâwhich is just fun to doâwe can probably guess that for the top surgery scars to be as neat as they seem to look in the veilguard character creator, similar to modern ones, magical healing was involved. now i do believe that the chantry might get suspicious of body-altering magic, that magical power is hoarded by the circles in the south and the wealthy in the north, and also that âoutâ trans people are a minority in thedas. so iâm not saying that this is something easy for your average guy to get hold of. thatâs where you can feed it into backstory. are they powerful and connected enough that they could find specialists willing to go beyond the ordinary? or do they have underground connections to hidden apostate healers, whose only priority is what helps (or perhaps just how much youâre willing to pay)? do they belong to a culture that might not be restricted by the chantryâs norms about gender or magic, like the dalish or the rivaini? or do they belong to a mage-focused community or order, who among themselves do whatever they like? endless options
some might be referring to a line in dai from krem, a trans man, where you can ask him about potentially changing his body with magic and he essentially says he wouldnât let magic that could do that anywhere near his body, though when he was younger he might have dreamed about the possibilities. firstly, krem is absolutely not the gold standard for trans representation and nobody should care about being flexible from what bioware put out a decade ago. secondly, krem is a random mercenary who knows one (1) mage, who spends the entire time insisting sheâs not a mage. i very much doubt heâs the no. 1 source for what might be magically possible in this or any regard
also ultimately, and i cannot express this enough, you can do whatever you want forever. it could be absolutely fundamentally impossible in-world somehow and it would still not be that serious to be âunrealisticâ in the dragon video games. donât let anyone discourage you from making the character you want to make. it being an option makes it canonically part of thedas, end of. they put it in the game and nobody bitching about it can take it out
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About Zayne's nightmares...
The most unrealistic thing about Zayne is that he's a functional working adult that seemingly has put his life together at 27 not because he's young or a prodigy but because he's said to have nightmares since he was 12?? Like... I feel like this theme might be a bit overlooked but just think about it deeply, having constant nightmares fucks your mind like really REALLY bad, I can genuinely say this by experience and also as someone who has had trouble to have a healthy sleeping schedule since I was at highschool (like, for example, right now, I should be sleeping instead of writing this...).
There was a time I would have nightmares almost everytime I went to sleep during a really hard time in my life. Of course, the topic about those nightmares was almost always the same, not like the nightmares repeated themselves but they always revolved about the same things that I was actually working in therapy at the moment. Back then I was jobless and medicated most part of the time, I was pretty dysfunctional.
I suppose that's why when I listened to "Fragmented Dreams" for the first time it was the time I said "Yeah, this is my man". I love how he's always nagging MC about sleeping early because I know by experience that not sleeping properly can mess up with your mind pretty bad, and probably he knows it too. It truly is a showcase of love how he worries about her sleep like that and it also showcases how strong minded he is for enduring too much stress and remind kind constantly.
I love how healthy he is. I like to think that he's overcome all the stressful stuff he's gone thru bc of his discipline and healthy life style, but realistically it would take him some more to deal with all of that.
Yes, all of the guys have been through some very rough stuff and they all need therapy, but my point with Zayne comes with the fact that not having a good sleeping schedule and on top of that having constant nightmares can mess up with your perception of reality and induce you a bad depression or other mental health issues. Everytime I remember Zayne's main story branch when they're trapped in Zayne's dream and MC leaves him alone and he starts listening to Willian, Georgie and his Mom so he has to remind himself "It's not real, it's not real" I deeply feel that and I just want to hug him so bad :(
I think I'd like to see a card where they explore the consecuences of their past in their psyche more deeply. I can't help remembering this post which was one of the first posts you unlock with Zayne:
It was there when I just knew that even if he looked quiet, he had a lot to say but didn't know how to express.
Another thing I'd like to highlight about this is that actually I love the emotional maturity that Zayne displays about dealing with such issues like nightmares, traumatic experiences and literally being exposed to see people dying 24/7 while being someone that feels a lot yet says little. He's dealt with this the best way he can, no wonder why he came to be quite serious and inexpressive or sarcastic. Not allowing himself to express other emotions than seriousness or sarcasm was like keeping himself in check so he wouldn't spill everything he feels and considering how stressing is his job already, it just makes sense, but that didn't mean Zayne didn't feel because he feels too much and too deeply and worries sick about ppl and especially about MC.
Of course, bottling up his emotions wasn't the best way to deal with them but he never used any unhealthy coping mechanism neither, like alcohol, for example (My teetotaler King â¤ď¸) etc. Yeah, his workaholism isn't exactly healthy but not something toxic to his mind and relationships, and I've always had a feeling that he's a big foodie and addicted to sweets to give himself that boost of serotonine he needs so bad.
That's why he compares MC with sweets, being her his favorite dessert, bc she's brought all that serotonine to his life naturally and has helped him let go little by little. When he opened to her about losing Dulcie, I had a feeling that Zayne always wanted someone to listen to him but he didn't know how to ask for it and ppl around him was too afraid to even dare to suggest it. I think even in one of his anecdotes, it is said that sometimes Dr Noah wanted to tell him something but at the end ended up saying nothing.
The fact that Zayne bottled up his emotions didn't mean that he wouldn't willingly share them, he wanted to but wasn't used to it. With MC, he's slowy started to let it go and enjoy life more, allowing himself to be sad in front of her, to express his fears (about losing her) or to express his childish tantrums and indulge in his softest side. That's why also she's not only his favorite dessert but also his best painkiller â¤ď¸
And just to finish, I've always thought this quote by Kafka fits him so well:
"Remember, you should sleep more than other people, for I sleep less than most. And I canât think of a better place to store my unused share of universal sleep than in your beloved eyes."
#love and deepspace#zayne love and deepspace#zayne#lads zayne#l&ds zayne#l&ds#lnds#love and deepspace zayne
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