#What do you mean it’s impossible?
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Me after watching Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom for the billionth time over and expecting the Indoraptor to survive (I’m actually delusional):
#I walk a lonely road 🎶 👩🎤#I am in Spain without the a#I expect the movie to change eventually#What do you mean it’s impossible?#naurrr#indoraptor#jurassic world fallen kingdom#jurassic world#Petition to bring back my boy so I can adopt him please and thank you 💅#This works with the Indominus too tbf#“I don’t care who the IRS sends I am NOT accepting the ending to this movie”#This is fine#I hold a grudge towards that dinosaur skull#I’d fight that skeleton fr
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"I have had the capability to pull the strings behind the most powerful thrones in Exandria for some time. And I've only done so towards these ends. I don't wish to control. I don't wish to be a tyrant. I just want them gone."
The irony of this statement is that Ludinus's single-minded obsession with killing the gods is precisely what makes him so controlling and tyrannical. He could have spent this entire time using his extended lifespan to shape the Dwendalian Empire into a glittering jewel of a kingdom, as J'mon Sa Ord has done with Ank'Harel. He could have channeled his negative experiences with authority into offering the people under him the kind of support he wishes he'd received, as Vex has been doing in Whitestone and Emon. He could take five minutes out of his day once in a while to spend some low-level spell slots or short rest resources helping people he crosses paths with, as Trist and Ayden did multiple times during Downfall. Instead, he's stayed focused entirely on himself and his petty personal vendetta.
#if you refuse to ask what it means to wield power responsibly#if you insist that it's impossible to be an authority without being a tyrant#if you believe that power can only ever be abused by those who have it#guess what *you'll* end up doing with any power you yourself have#and if you further insist that powerful people who screw up or give in to temptation should die#then there's no incentive to take responsibility#only incentive to deny or downplay your own power#cr spoilers#critical role#ludinus da'leth
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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the bride walked down the aisle to where the groom stood, and there they exchanged their vows in front of the altar...
#what do you mean this isn't how it goes? The flower girls are there to throw flower petals and wedding bouquets ready on their hands too...#just twt having collective breakdowns over them as usual#it's interesting that both played the role of the bride and the groom at the same time.#only they can pull it off I swear#trigun#trigun maximum#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun maximum spoilers#vashwood#ish?#actually not really it's just the narrative that plays out like that#myuminjiart#just wanna point out my art a few things: the wine as bouquet. vash holding a shot glass also as bouquet.#vash trying to smile even if he says it's impossible. he tried.#the confetti thrown by the orphanage children...as if they're flower girl throwing flower petals for them....
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When ppl will create a "curvy" girl character and get pretty much the whole body's proportions right, obviously they're putting emphasis on bust/hips but it seems like it's being executed well--- except that they completely, fully, and deliberately, skip the stomach entirely. Just nothin there. Not even a whisper. I'm like. Just sack up, make it make sense and be honest with yourself by making it official and say it's canon that they got a tummy tuck. You cowardly ass, yellow bellied, wet brained, upside-down dog mouthed dirty bitch.
#it'll look so uncanny bc it'll be like oh this more or less looks like it could be a body type I've seen on a real pers--- oh wait#you TOTALLY flattened the stomach for like no goddamn reason and you still want points for making her curvy. pass.#if ppl clown on this post I will not hesitate to turn off rbs and call a bomb threat to your house#sergle.txt#do you know what I mean though. like actually#you want EVERY aspect of a body type that does in fact. exist. very commonly actually. in the proportions you want#you want it all but you are so allergic to ANY substance on the stomach. so what now.#anything but the stomach. literally impossible to draw apparently#I'll be like ah maybe it's obscured with the clothing or pose but I see other art and I'm like oh no nvm it's on purpy.#''why does it have to be a plausible body type'' why put in any effort at all. why draw. why depict women ever. why wake up in the morning#nut up or shut up.
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something about how both wei wuxian and jin guangyao repeatedly say they ‘didn’t have a choice’ in their actions. in both cases, it’s not literal impossibility, instead determined by their mindsets and personal conduct…. but while for wei wuxian that means he can’t do something immoral, even if it means losing all his social power, for jin guangyao it means he can’t do anything to lose his social power, even if it means doing something immoral. the other option is still there, but it’s never one they’d pick.
something about how they’re trying to walk the same path but in opposite directions: wei wuxian willingly left the nice, broad road in favour of upholding morals and debts, while jin guangyao is trying to claw onto it and stay there by any means necessary. in both cases, being parted from it so easily is only possible because this nice, broad road — full of people whose social power is unconditional, given at birth, independent of their actions — was never truly theirs to begin with. but despite how it is possible to be forced off due to nothing, as we see with wang lingjiao, the positions of both these characters were ultimately due to actions they took.
(about how no matter the similarity of the paths, no matter the narrowness of the choices, the direction you take is still up to you.)
#i’m a little insane about this metaphor in case you couldn’t tell#also clarification: ‘immoral’ for the case of wwx means something against his personal morals (a major example would be giving up the wens)#whereas for jgy i mean ‘something generally against most people’s morals eg killing his son and participating in torture’#since he doesn’t really HAVE personal morals and his goals are independent on that#but phrasing it like this is much less awkward…#anyway i LOVE the theme of choice here — how everyone *does* have one but aims/morals influence that to the point that choosing a certain-#-option SEEMS like an impossibility#but you still are responsible/should be responsible for those choices (see: the story justfully questioning jgy’s ‘i had no choice’ line)#so jgy WAS responsible for his choices (and wwx *could’ve* also chosen to do what’s easier — not giving up the gc not protecting the wens)#(but didn’t and that’s to his credit)#despite the circumstances for both being unideal it’s still your choice IN the circumstances — not the circumstances — that determine what-#-kind of person you are#mdzs meta (?)#pretty sure it counts but i also know i’ve been taking up a lot of this tag recently…#mdzs#魔道祖师#mo dao zu shi#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#gdc#wei wuxian#jin guangyao#my meta (?)
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A lil rant about my experience with this god forsaken fandom
I made this blog around 2020 when I was 13 years old. This was my first shot at a dedicated fandom blog and I was pretty excited for it, to make friends, draw fanart, post fun stuff and what not.
All fun right? Right, so tell me why was it that literal 20 years olds felt the need to harass me, a then 13 year old girl with a relatively small blog, for the dumbest reasons possible?
What did I do that subjected me to 2 and a half years worth constant daily threats and harassment? Hmm???
You wanna know my crime? Apparently I showed interest in an antagonist character, which is so awful that grown adults felt the need to bully me. And following those adults came young impressionable people my age, that joined the bandwagon of hate against me.
As if other fandoms don’t have people literally dedicating themselves to a villain, no one bats an eye to that. Why did this fandom have such an issue? I also apparently dared to criticise the main character for a few of his flaws. Such a horrible thing to do right? I need to be burnt at the stake for it right?
I didn’t follow the “fixed” standards of the fandom so I was to be sent de*th/r*pe threats daily?? For not following the “rules” I was to be ostracised?
No please someone explain…I’m but a dumb bitch, I don’t understand what I did so terribly wrong to deserve this? Did I start a war? Did I rip open someone’s plush? Did I bully someone for not having the same ideology as me?
No it was but the fandom itself that for some reason found it so fun to bully a 13 year old, send her de*th and r*pe threats all because of not being of pjo fandom standards…let’s go and bombard her with hate!!
Do you realise how fucking stupid…this all sounds? Do you realise how low this is? Was bullying a child so fun? So trendy at the time?
Then came the victim blaming- I laugh everytime I remember people saying I must have done something really bad to get such harassment, that it’s all for attention. What kid wants to get hate everyday of their life for 2 whole fucking years? Tell me?
You know wanna know what I did wrong? Fight back, call the hate anons out for their bigotry. I was vocal about it, that’s what I did wrong right? Stand my ground? People said to ignore it and I did. But I still got bullied daily even if I didn’t respond. What was all this for?
I can imagine people asking why I didn’t simply leave the fandom? Why the fuck should I? I enjoy the stories, I enjoy the characters, they were my escape from real life struggles. It was the bullying I didn’t enjoy. Everyday I’d log on to enjoy posts and a few minutes later when the bigots found out I was active I was sent an anonymous threat.
Many of my oldest friends had to reduce the amount they interacted with me in fear of receiving harassment themselves. The extent of this is bigotry is beyond my understanding.
I did not deserve this much suffering AND ALL FOR WHAT? A STUPID LITTLE REASON THAT HAS BARELY ANY WEIGHT TO IT. Do people even realise the extent of what happened is beyond me. And Idc if I sound selfish, I want a fucking apology from all those bigots. I want compensation for the 2 and a half years of abuse I endured alone. I just want this bigotry to end, which surprise surprise! Still continues to happen.
Why do I bring this up now that it’s all over you ask? I’ve actually brought it up once before, but it was swept under the rug, (My deepest appreciation to the very few people who supported me when I first talked about it) I’m just finally being more vocal, because this has stuck with me. For all those 4 years this has stuck with me. It doesn’t mean if it’s over for now that all the trauma doesn’t linger. It still affects me to this day.
In fact I’m still being stalked by one of the people who sent me hate anons. One of the hate anons was revealed to be one of my bestest friends, they had admitted this to me and had the nerve to beg me to still remain friends. They were also the person who groomed me. They have left the fandom scene and I’ve rid of them from my life but they still continue to stalk me.
What do I get from ranting about all this? A bit of solace, a bit of weight off my shoulders. But nearly not enough for me to actually fucking heal. I also want people to realise how bigoted some are and how horrible the mentality of “fixed fandom standards/ideologies” is and that we as a fandom need to fucking change. Heck I know this issues in every fandom. But can we at least start with ours for a change for once?
Along side all of this there’s also a lot of racism and trans/homophobia that still actively prevails. Just look at what Leah went through when her casting was announced. Did she deserve all of that?? “Not my annabeth” do you realise how horrible that is to say to a CHILD? She is Annabeth whether you like it or not. And you are very welcome to leave if you wish to stick to your stupid racist nonsense.
I bet there are many others who have probably suffered the same may it not be for the same reasons, but everyone of them deserve their apologies and compensation as well.
Idc if I’ll get hate for this. I said what I said. I’m just so done.
#trigger warning#tw hate#I was also informed I was being mocked in group chats and there were sick rumours about me.#i won’t give a fuck if I get harassed again cux this literally shows how low this fandom will get#there’s so many layers to this I haven’t even gone into detail on#but I just want atleast this off of my chest. I was shaking and short of breath as I wrote this#I wish to thank all my oldest moots and friends that stuck by me despite everything. I cannot express how thankful I am to you guys#love you all tons.#what do u mean by compensation? just an apology from the same people who hurt me. which is nearly impossible. but idc I want to find them#and confront them. I need to bring my 13 year old self justice for what she went through. I pushed her feelings aside when this was over#but she never healed. I’m hoping she gets a bit of peace for now.#pjo fandom#percy jackson fandom#fandom toxicity
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Greek mythology/the Olympians has been my hyperfixation for going on two decades now and I just… Soap as Dionysus.
Always brings a good bottle of wine and a few rooted cuttings of ivy as a housewarming gift. If he’s fixed his attention on you, he’ll also put a few sex toys in the little bag he brings. Puts them right on top for the pleasure of seeing your scramble to try to shove them in a drawer or tuck the whole gift in the closet.
He’s a great time. Has this intoxicating way about him. Like life is a stage and he’s the director. Playful and fun, though a little too enthusiastic at times. Handsy when the two of you hang out. You assume that’s just his nature and excuse it accordingly. Hard not to, gorgeous man that he is. A divine kind of handsome. Like his features are an eons-old amalgamation of all the most beautiful features humans have ever had.
And he gets strangely possessive, even after you’ve been nudging back his wandering hands or putting your hand between his mouth and your neck all night. Borders on vindictive and aggressive if he’s not in the right headspace.
It’s a bit terrifying to see him snapping his teeth in the face of some man at the bar who had only just asked you if you’d wanted a drink. You swear later in the night you see him babbling feverishly to a group of his friends. It sounds like total gibberish, and his friends look even more confused than you feel, but his eyes are wide as saucers and his hands are flying about hazardously. You don’t think much of it after Soap pulls you by the waist to the corner booth and tips a cocktail up to your mouth.
He keeps you out until all hours of the night. Insists on staying jovial. Club-hopping to find the best crowd, best music, best conversation. Keeps you up and active for so long that the confines of reality start to become fuzzy at the edges.
Sexuality expressed through bodies writing and twisting in drunken dance. Bumping up against one another. Collecting strangers and your own sweat in fat beads on your skin that make you shiver when they get heavy enough to trail down the small of your back.
When the room is spinning enough to make you stumble just a bit and you’re unable to do anything but giggle about it, he’s somehow able to make sneaking off into the family bathroom together seem like a good idea. He seems just as drunk as you are, slinging an arm around your shoulders when you walk. Bellowing a laugh when his hand grazes your tit but making no attempt to pull it away.
It’s less easy to be oblivious when you’re in the bathroom together. The muffled music filtering through the bottom of the door. He’s pressing up against you even though now there’s no crowd to excuse his practically grinding his groin on your hip.
It smells like sweat and generic brand bathroom cleaner. You hum when he staggers to the urinal instead of griping at him about how crass it is to take a piss right in front of you. He props himself up on the wall with one hand and a moment after you hear the teeth of his zipper come undone, he lets out a throaty, satisfied groan.
You busy yourself looking in the mirror. Checking your makeup. Seeing if you look as drunk as you feel. It’s filthy. There’s a web of cracks coming from the bottom left where it looks like someone tried to send their fist through to the wall behind it. It makes you a bit dizzy to look at and you have to bend at the waist to get close enough to see the way your mascara has smudged all around your eyes.
And all of a sudden there’s a burning heat behind you. Sickly, feverish heat pressing straight into the pillows of your ass. Soap’s spidery reflection shows up just over your smile sporting a wicked grin. Teeth and eyes flashing.
You try and swat him away, all too used to his comings-on, but he digs his fingers into the fat of your hips bruisingly hard.
“C’mon, hen. Been driving me mad all night. Relax a bit. Jus’ need this. Need you. Please.”
He has to lay flat over your back to hiss in your ear. Teeth clenched like he really needs to put some effort behind his words to sound polite. Like a petulant child who’d just been reminded by their mother to practice manners.
You were practiced in batting back his advances, but for some reason his grit made you falter. His gaze seemed to be burning a hole through you in the mirror. The idea that something inside him was hitting a roaring boil that he couldn’t stop from flowing over made your brain go foggy. The opposite of sobering. His aberrant need was contagious and catching quick.
He smelled like sweat and cheap cologne and dry, sweet wine and woods. Flirty and masculine and overwhelming. And he’s warm and strong behind you, even if he’s pushing his hard cock into you.
Who were you to deny him the pleasure of snapping his hips into your backside a few times? Letting his fingers impatiently tug at the button of your jeans and hastily tug them down with your underwear until they pooled around your ankles?
It didn’t help that the sound of him sending a glob of spit into his hand made you clench around nothing. A familiar warmth gathering between your thighs that made you shift a bit to chase the momentary relief even a touch of friction could provide.
He couldn’t even afford you the decency of pretending not to see. No. Instead he points a spotlight on you and insists you perform for him again. Nudging your legs apart and pressing his thigh flush against your core while purring the filthiest things in your ear.
“Ken I jus’ needed to wear you down, mm? Thought ‘bout this before we went out. Always did get sloppy when you drink. Jus’ needed a little push. That’s it -Jesus- cunt’s so wet. Gonna take good care of her.”
And the club is so packed full of drunken, dancing bodies that hardly anyone notices the way you two stumble out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later. Even though you’re still fumbling with the button of your jeans with shaking hands.
#this is so self indulgent#he’s fowl and deranged and sure I wrote him this way but idk what you want me to say other than that#he brings the ivy not only because that’s his thing but also because once you plant ivy it’s all but impossible to get rid of.#god forbid you plant it in your front garden and let it crawl all up the side of your house#it means almost nothing to anyone else but Soap sees it as a sign that you’re as devout to him as he is to you#hyperfixation I’ve had since I was ten years old and I could do it for all the boys omg.#moongreenlight#moongreenlightwrites#cod mw2#call of duty#cod x reader#141 headcanons#drabble#johnny soap mactavish#johnny soap mactavish x reader#soap mactavish x reader#soap smut#soap x reader#soap call of duty#soap cod#john soap mactavish#soap mactavish
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I'm really not a villain enjoyer. I love anti-heroes and anti-villains. But I can't see fictional evil separate from real evil. As in not that enjoying dark fiction means you condone it, but that all fiction holds up some kind of mirror to the world as it is. Killing innocent people doesn't make you an iconic lesbian girlboss it just makes you part of the mundane and stultifying black rot of the universe.
"But characters struggling with honour and goodness and the egoism of being good are so boring." Cool well some of us actually struggle with that stuff on the daily because being a good person is complicated and harder than being an edgelord.
Sure you can use fiction to explore the darkness of human nature and learn empathy, but the world doesn't actually suffer from a deficit of empathy for powerful and privileged people who do heinous stuff. You could literally kill a thousand babies in broad daylight and they'll find a way to blame your childhood trauma for it as long as you're white, cisgender, abled and attractive, and you'll be their poor little meow meow by the end of the week. Don't act like you're advocating for Quasimodo when you're just making Elon Musk hot, smart and gay.
#this is one of the reasons why#although i would kill antis in real life if i could#i also don't trust anyone who identifies as 'pro-ship'#it's just an excuse to shut down legitimate ethical questions and engaging in honest self-reflective media consumption and critique#art doesn't exist in a vacuum#it's a flat impossibility for it not to inform nor be informed by real world politics and attitudes#because that's what it means to be created by human hands#we can't even make machine learning thats not just human bias fed into an algorithm#if the way we interact with art truly didn't influence anything then there would be no value in it#just because antis have weaponized those points in the most bad faith ways possible#doesn't mean you can ignore them in good faith#anyway fandom stans villains because society loves to defend and protect abusers#it's not because you get the chance to be free and empathetic and indulge in your darkness and what not#it's just people's normal levels of attachment to shitty people with an added layer of justification for it#this blog is for boring do-gooder enjoyers only#lol#knee of huss#fandom wank#media critique#pop culture#fandom discourse
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Seeing you use a Hunchback song for the comic is making me lose it bc I started reading RnS right as I saw the musical for the first time (local theater production) and so I've been imagining Welsnight and Helsnight as sounding like Frollo and Jehan (from the official cast recording) respectively the entire time.
You can't just say things like that to me
#spazzcat doodles#allatorguard#welsknight#helsknight#good voice claim for these two i dig it#vaguely related but i've been spinning a Hunchback of Notre Dame AU in my brain for the past two days and it's killing me actually#also shh shhhh i only just realized i gave them the wrong voices for what you said#but i just love the mental image of Wels calling Hels out on his bs and Hels being shook about it#what do you mean my devotion to a code of conduct that transends everything else to the point of cruelty#bred resentment in my other half who rightly found those standards impossible to live up to?
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Percabeth & Solangelo parallel! Making out in front of someone…..?????????
#Percabeth#Solangelo#HoO#TSATS#this is so funny#why did they do that#solangelo is so funny what do you mean they only stopped because bob’s sobbing was now impossible to ignore LMFAOOOOOO#DO YOU MEAN IF HE SOBBED QUIETER THEY’D CONTINUE TO IGNORE IT?#GET A ROOM?
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Thinking about the symbolic weight of smoking in the TLT universe that comes to the fore in The Unwanted Guest -- the way it moves through from person to person: Pyrrha smoked, and Augustine wanted to impress her in all her stone cold fox MILF James Bond glory (and tbf who wouldn't) so he started too. and even though as far as he knows she's been gone for a myriad and is never coming back, he keeps the habit. Ianthe sees something in the hollowed-out Faberge eggshell of Augustine that resonates with her, all that gilded eloquent emptiness and disdain through the ages, so she picked it up from him to try to emulate it. She picked it up so hard that Palamedes -- the exact spiritual antithesis of the 'smoking! on a space station! what a powermove' ennui Ianthe so admired -- spontaneously unnerded enough to even known how to, simply from a sort of contact contamination of the soul.
G1deon and Augustine sharing a jittery smoke after their near-Harrow experience during soup night, and it's the closest thing to any real sense of brotherhood that remains between them. Pyrrha going ten thousand years dying both literally and for a smoke (and then Camilla sold her fucking cigarettes (for a third of what they were worth, probably Pyrrha's own good, and also more importantly grocery money). what an entirely haunted time to be alive etc.). Augustine and Mercy trading a cigarette back and forth in the middle of their collusion over the love and murder of god.
An act of small and measured self-destruction in the name of something a little bit like connection when you're stuck somewhere in yourself where love itself dares not or cannot tread (ritualized, transmissible)..........
#the unwanted guest#the unwanted guest spoilers#the locked tomb#ianthe tridentarius#augustine the first#pyrrha dve#palamedes sextus#this series is going to make me lose my mind completely one day (affectionate)#the locked tomb meta#the fact that ianthe seems to have had some genuine admiration for augustine makes my head spin. of course though.#of course she sees the person who looks the most like he's successfully made himself impervious to the world#utterly untouchable and impossible to hurt because he isn't even really there#and she believes it! even after seeing the john mercy augustine mess at the end! because it's such a seductive idea#when you've stuck yourself in an inevitable ocean of pain to think you could make yourself numb enough that it doesn't matter#it's the emotional equivalent of 'oh there's water all around? well I just won't breathe in then. easy lmao get on my level'#she holds on to that thing from him even when it's been proved to be both impossible and ultimately untrue even in him#because uh. oh I'm about to be kind of sad for ianthe what the fuck is going on. he might actually have been the closest thing#to parental and especially paternal affection she's ever known. certainly known enough to try to model herself after#IMAGINE how fucked up the nine houses must be when augustine the first registers for anyone as a model of psychological survival#ianthe do you really want to be yourself completely so much that you're willing to be nothing. I mean yeah probably but. oh my god#gaining nothing at the cost of everything
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punk!soap metalhead!ghost brain blast!!!
ghost trying so hard to get soap out of the bad parts of the scene bc he's starting to get pulled in by the shadows, a group of wannabe anarchists that stand for nothing except themselves, but soap loses his shit; laying into ghost for daring to try and "save" him
no one's ever been there for him when he needed them; no one ever offered him support or a soft place to land, why the hell would he want ghost's help when he's perfectly fine on his own? (when he’s always had to be?)
"you think i can't make my own decisions? well fuck you, ghost, who needs a washed up piece o’ shite like you!"
he doesn’t talk to ghost for days, doesn’t let himself acknowledge the hole he’s left behind until he's getting pissed with the shadows one night in an abandoned house and graves starts waving around the gun he snuck through customs and it accidentally goes off, grazing soap's temple
he's never heard anything so loud, even at all the shows he’s attended and there’s so much blood; it's getting in his eyes, running down his neck and soaking into his clothes and he’s frozen. graves and all his shadows bolt after hearing the gunshot, worried about cops finding them and they leave him there; staring at the growing puddle at his feet
soap's panicking; half-blind, blistering pain lighting up his head and he can't think about anything beyond how much he wants ghost
ghost's been sulking at his flat since soap blew him off; pissed at soap for going off on him when he just wants to help but still worried about the punk. he doesn’t want him going down the same road as him; doesn’t want him to repeat his mistakes when he could save himself so much suffering and he almost doesn't answer his phone when it buzzes on the couch
he lets out a ragged sigh as he picks it up; raking a hand over his shaved head when he sees the bubble emoji and contemplates letting it ring out. contemplates answering with a growl; something a younger, crueler version of him would spit. in the end, he decides on silence and puts the phone to his ear just before it can stop ringing
he almost breaks it when he hears soap choke out, "i've been shot."
he's out the door in a heartbeat, running down the stairs because the lift is too slow; trying to get more information out of him but he can't get anything out beyond a repeated, "i've been shot."
he breaks every law there is as he speeds to soap's location; visions of his cold, bloodless corpse staining his mind's eye. the only thing keeping him calm are the strangled breaths from the other end of the line; he's not dead, he can work with not dead, this isn't tommy, soap won't end up like tommy-
ghost screeches to a halt outside a random alley and throws himself from the car when he sees soap collapsed against a garbage bin. he's covered in blood, soaked, just like that night, it's everywhere and he's not moving, he's not moving-
“johnny!”
he skids to his knees and fits his hand under his chin to check his pulse… but his heart beats strong under his fingertips and soap's eyes flutter open; flooded with blood but conscious and alive
the second he registers ghost in front of him, he’s reaching out for him; babbling apologies over and over, "you were right, i'm sorry ghost, i should've listened; i'm sorry, i'm so sorry."
ghost just gently hushes him, cupping his face heedless of the blood. "that doesn't matter now, johnny. we're gonna get you all fixed up, yeah?"
soap’s hands fist in his shirt, clinging to him. "i got shot, ghost," he says again; lost and smaller than he's ever heard from his punk and it's been years since he's felt this kind of rage but he doesn't let a drop of it touch his voice
“i know, lad. i know. gonna let me take a look at it? make it right?"
soap finally nods, his stuttering apologies coming to a halt and ghost runs back to his car to get a towel. he presses it to soap's skin, trying to soak up as much as he can so he can get a proper look; cooing assurances as soap absently hisses in pain the closer he gets to it
it's only a graze and something in his chest unravels; old fears and grief settling as the shallow wound continues to gush into the towel
ghost slumps, pressing his forehead into the top of soap's head and takes a second to just breathe. “‘s’alright, johnny; it’s not even that bad, not even that bad,” he promises, low; spoken more to himself than soap
his hand starts to grow damp and he forces himself to his feet, gathering up soap and getting him into his car. he puts the towel in his hand and presses it against the wound, trying to coax him through his shock to put pressure on it so he can drive
soap curls up in the passenger seat; eyes distant, seeing nothing and ghost has to tighten his grip on the steering wheel so he doesn't turn around
soap is the priority
he has to get him home; has to get him cleaned up and safe
then he can go hunting for the gutless shadow that hurt his punk
#this was just me wanting to give soap his post mw3 head scar ngl#tw implied past suicide#god if soap gets real mean with it. 'you dont give a shite about me! this is just you trying to save your stupid brother!#well guess what ghost?! hes fucking dead and smothering me aint gonna bring him back!’#and its the only thing he couldve said that would make ghost let him walk out the door#ghosts been here before. he knows how impossible it is to help someone that doesnt want to be helped but he cant let soap go#he cant go down that road again. cant let it be just to walk into soaps flat one day and find him in a bloodsoaked bathtub#when soap comes out of his shock he finds ghost slowly and methodically cleaning his leather jacket#hes trying hard to remain calm and clearheaded#trying not to fall back into old habits#but theres a reason hes called ghost#bc the second he stops looking after soap is the second he storms out to find graves and wring his neck#soap pushes back so hard against ghost trying to help him bc in his head being ‘saved’ or ‘better’ means being changed#bc the only help hes ever experienced has been conditional. ‘we will help you if you go to college. if you stop art.#if you change your entire being’#he cant process that ghost wants him the exact way that he is bc no one ever has#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghoap#soap cod#john soap mactavish#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#save post
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banging my head against the wall every time I see someone reblogging a post of mine with tags mentioning the ‘unrequited confession’. we have been OVER this it is NOT a case of unrequited romantic love it is completely canonically up in the air as a possibility. listen to jayden revri himself and be enlightened i am begging you
#rambling#payneland#also getting recommended posts with this rhetoric fhdhfjdhd it’s just annoying cause it’s like. misinformation#if that scene was actually a rejection I’d feel a lot worse about this show as a whole like really it Matters that it’s not#do you really think Superhell 2: Escape From Superhell would be a good idea. because I feel like they’re actively trying to counter those#kinds of damaging or at least exhausting and overdone queer tropes#tragic unrequited gay boy hopelessly in love with his best friend suffering forever because he’s gay#is. exactly the kind of exhausting overdone queer trope that almost unequivocally makes me lose a lot of respect for a show#so it is very very very important to me that this is. not that. and the actors have cemented that fact openly#please………..please just listen to the words being said………don’t conflate uncertainty with rejection……..take my hand#that’s not to say edwin didn’t TAKE it as a rejection. because based on what he says to niko he absolutely did#which will make it all the more juicy when what he thinks is impossible starts to become real and within reach. eventually. hopefully#also- less explicit- but Charles’ hand-on-heart thing after their last hug… like you really don’t have to be a film major#(saying this as a film major) to deduce what that means and what its calling back to. it’s pretty easy to put 2+2 together there#but anyway. I digress
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*complaining for no reason again because i am bored* i need more ppl to know that these. are all the same person these are literally canonically all the exact same individual person im begging u
literally almost all the ganondorfs are the exact same individual and almost all the ganons are the exact same individual, almost all the ganondorfs & ganons are the same exact person just in different forms and circumstances. except for FSA and maybe whatever the fuck is going on with TotK ganondorf but i still think it’s weird that he still has golden eyes & rounded ears when even the gerudo in TotK’s ancient past dont, but anyway ashfjsbfjsn
#not like you always have to subscribe to canon because it’s often impossible to know the truth of certain things#or some things that are canonical just suck and should be changed anyway but like#of all the things that are like relatively basic facts for ppl engaging in the Lore or whatever#ppl are like always. Always talking about ganondorf as if every iteration of him is a different person just like link & zelda#but so much of his character development stems from the fact that WW ganon and TP ganon are both different timeline offshoots of OoT ganon#i’m not even citing the ‘Official Timeline’ on this because it is silly & confusing but i just literally mean#in terms of basic canon continuity#that WW and TP were conceptualized even in the early 2000s to be the events that occur distantly after the two timeline splits OoT created#because OoT is a game about time travel and the entire concept of the split timelines in this series#originated from the two different scenarios that are created by link & zelda’s use of the master sword and the ocarina#WW ganondorf and TP ganondorf are both literal older versions of OoT ganondorf in 2 different futures#not to mention all of the ganons in the early games. OoT was made as a prequel that both literally and figuratively#attempted to humanize the main antagonist of the series#OoT ganondorf at the time WAS the ‘ganondorf with character development and an actual motivation’#WW ganondorf (who is the same person.) just actually got to vocalize what specifically his motivation was#which is great!! and also retroactively gives OoT ganondorf more context & depth#can u tell i am off my meds at the moment and have nothing better to do with my time ahsjfhskfhdj
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#meme#homemade memes#cw dysphoria#trans#bones are stupid#cw dysphoria venting#waiting out current phase of transition changes to happen#(cause I got my dose raised again in april & am waiting for my next two surgeries & continuing tryna build muscle 😔)#hoping it'll get to a point eventually where the affirming bits are overpowering enough to ppl's perception#that I can dress the bits I can't change (like hips) in things that suit them#and do the whole embracing looking trans thing without worrying abt the misgendering#but alas I won't believe in my body's ability to do that until I see it#seeing as I still get lady-ed & unquestioningly she/her-ed 5 years into HRT + post two highly visible surgeries#+ fully dressed in men's clothes + sporting the shortest hair I've ever had -.-#cis ppl learn what transmascs look like & what that means for words you use on them challenge 2024- difficulty level: impossible apparently#I've had several ppl in the last few months that I literally TOLD I am trans/'it's he/him'/was clocked as trans by#who then STILL proceeded to misgender me anyway???#like what more can I do than literally straight up tell you????#I told a clinician who was looking at my knee the other month that I was trans (cause they always ask abt all meds n diagnoses)#and he misgendered me as a trans woman on his report like-#sir I am 5'4" and have a flat chest baby face and facial hair#and I was telling you abt how I've been on HRT for years and have had several Transgender Surgeries#you're a bone doctor you know how bones work and what their limitations are and you have functionning eyes#you should be able to put 2 and 2 together abt how this works even if you've never met a trans person holy fuck#(I wrote a complaint and they amended the report and sent me an apology meanwhile but still like- buddy wtf)
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