#Weird shit in the mirrors and stuff like that.. the mirror scenes were all very awkward and I did not enjoy them. However I will say the

[dykevanny]

ok I watched VIM and a) I didn’t like it very much and b) I kept stimming with the word vim the whole time. Vim vimmy vimvim… Awww vimnessa we’re really vimming in it now…

[talentforlying]

father grimaldi: forgive me, lord, for i have sinned. constantine: — understatement of the bloody century, that is. father grimaldi: the chapel is closed to the public! who are you? how did you get in here . . .? constantine: did you know vatican city has the highest per-capita crime rate of any nation state in the world? i'd have thought a touch of breaking and entering's pretty much par for the course around here.

so #1, an undeniable slay.

#2, how long do we think he was sitting in the confessional booth waiting for the guy to wake up from ellie's fake vision quest. like an hour? checking his light, practicing his Big Reveal Pose TM? he probably brought a book with him and just shoved it underneath the seat cushion when it was time to show off.

#3, knowing how intensely he studied & continues to study in order to teach himself magic at such an absurdly advanced level without any teachers to formally guide him? and how that level of dedication would absolutely carry over into researching a mark / making sure he had every corner of a confidence scheme nailed down pat? i like to imagine that the day before this meeting was spent with his severely under-caffeinated ass parked at a public library computer, squinting at articles for 'most important things to know about vatican city before you travel' or 'top 10 little-known facts about vatican city' and using the back of his boarding pass to take notes on what would be the best throwaway line to blow off all the usual questions with.

also, he probably woke up still in his travel clothes less than two hours before this scene and had to hustle to get suited up in time for his Dramatic Apparition. the demon blood was boiling so bad in that chapel that it was giving him a killer migraine. he didn't get breakfast so his stomach was growling the ENTIRE time. but all that meant was he had plenty of room to eat UP the runway and that's EXACTLY what the fuck he did.i'm

[b0ng05]

Over this - Toxic!Amber Freeman x Reader

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Word Count: 6151

Prompt: Y/n receives a text from an unknown number. Only to find out it's her ex. She can't help but think about all the toxic stuff Amber did to her.

Warnings: Toxic Relationship! Mentions of abuse! Angst!!

Also, Not Proofread💅

Masterlist

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Unknown: Hey, you awake? 11:21 p.m.

Unknown: It’s Amber 11:22 p.m.

I thought I was over it. I thought things had been left in the past. I thought she forgot about me. But after receiving a text from an unknown number, it was clear she didn’t. I laid in my bed, gazing at my ceiling as tears streamed down my face. It had been over 3 years. Yet the traumatizing memories that flooded back in felt so very fresh. Each incident vividly clear as my eyes fluttered shut.

Amber stares into her mirror, adjusting her dark hair and touching up her makeup. My arms were wrapped around her waist, my hand gently rubbing her stomach as I watched over her shoulder. Her TV was hooked up to her phone, playing her playlist that wasn’t all that rangeful. Most of the songs were just replaying, mainly the same artist’s songs. It was getting quite bland hearing the same voice over and over for the past hour. But I endured it while staring at her, utterly smitten.

“Isn’t she kind of overrated?” I tease playfully, referencing the artist singing, knowing she was one of Amber’s favorites. While poking Amber’s side in a playful manner, hoping to gain her attention for at least a moment. Having had been watching Amber for a while with no commentary or affection on her end for 15 minutes. Not that I minded, being with her felt more than enough.

Instead of hearing a sarcastic quip back from her like usual, my head is whipped to the side faster than I can register. Her hand hung in the air, giving me an explanation to my now turned face. “You just slapped me.” I say slowly, registering what the fuck just happened. “Yeah. Quit saying dumb shit.” She scoffs, turning back to her reflection, quite unfazed with her own actions.

I remove my arms from her waist after seeing the forming red print of her hand on my cheek in the reflection of her mirror. I backed up, going to grab my phone off her charger to leave, wanting out of the situation. But before I can even make it three steps away, her hand is wrapped tightly around my wrist in a strong grip. She turns me to face her, one hand trailing my hip.

“Where are you going?” She asks, her tone turning seraphic and sweet. “I’m leaving, I don’t want to be here.” I say, trying to move away from her grip to no avail. “Oh don’t be a baby. You know I didn’t mean it, Y/n/n. You know I wouldn’t hurt you like that seriously.” Amber's deceptively sweet tone calls out. Her hand moved to caress my cheek softly.

“Don’t go. Please?” Amber hums softly, a small pout on her lips and her eyes pleading with my own. I give in, unable to ignore the ache in my heart at the desperate look in her eyes. I put my phone down and move to sit beside her once more.

That was just the beginning of a toxic relationship that was to soon blossom. A lesson that I wasn’t aware I needed to learn. You hear the stories of toxic relationships and think it could never happen to you, that you would never fall for the sob stories and the twisted manipulative ways of lovers that seek oblivious prey.

Amber and I were at Tara’s house, all sitting in her living room watching some action movie on the TV. I was curled up to Amber’s side, her arm wrapped around my shoulder. Tara was sitting on the other side of me, her arm resting on the armrest and her chin resting in the palm of her hand. Tara lets out a huff of a laugh as a new actress enters the scene of the movie.

“Don’t you think that chick’s dress is ugly?” Tara jokes, the dress the actress wore was adorned with yellow and orange polka dots with a weird neckline that was not at all flattering for the actress’s figure. “I don’t think you should be judging Tara, especially with your body,” Amber chuckles as she glances over at Tara with a douchy smirk. Her hand rubbing along my shoulder as they have a moment of a silent stare off.

“Fuck off,” Tara mumbles, before setting her popcorn bowl down on the coffee table and walking upstairs to her room. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I whisper, looking at her completely disgusted with her rude behavior. “Oh come on, it was just a joke. She’ll get over it.” Amber rolls her eyes, attempting to pull me closer to her embrace.

“No. That was seriously fucked up. You don’t comment on someone else’s body.” I state, removing her arm from me as I stand up, going to follow Tara upstairs to apologize for Amber’s unacceptable behavior. “Seriously? Tara made a mean comment and you didn’t give her the cold shoulder!” Amber huffs, as she stands up, her arms raised outward in anger as she tries to make an excuse. “No. She commented on a dress design that was ugly. Not the woman’s body.” I scoff, walking over to the stairs. Fully intending to apologize to Tara on Amber’s behalf.

As I step on the landing to walk up the stairs, my vision goes black. Everything was too fast to understand. I feel a heavy pressure around my neck, and the back of my head aches with the force it slammed into the wall with. My body feels a numb tingly feeling, my legs much like jelly. As my vision tunnels back in, the sight I’m met with is Amber’s hand around my throat, slamming me against the wall behind me. Her grip was so tight that I could barely gasp for breath, surely to bruise later on. Her eyes were darker than before, the look was terrifying and had a sadistic essence that left my skin crawling and spine shivering. Her cocky smile no longer there, in place was a twitching snarl. I felt my heart drop in utter fear.

Before I could say an attempt to stutter out anything, she tried to play off her violent actions after seeing the fear written on my face. Her lips shifted into a flirty smirk, and leaning in to kiss me, her lips pressed against mine in a bruising manner that left mine aching and not in a good way, her hand still gripping my around throat tightly. As my senses start to come back to me, I push her away as hard as I can, making her stumble back a bit, and then I rush upstairs to Tara’s room, not bothering to knock. I open the door and shut it behind me. Tara looks up at me bewildered as she sees the fear, betrayal and confusion written on my face.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Tara asks, getting up from her bed to wrap her arms around me in soft gentle embrace. “I- I um- I’m sorry for how Amber was acting, it wasn’t right.” I apologize, struggling to find the words that I desperately wanted to speak. Fear eating at my mind, knowing Amber was just beyond the door. “Hey, hey, no, you don’t have to apologize for her, Y/n. She is her own person, and so are you, okay?” Tara soothes, her hand softly rubbing my back trying to comfort me. “I-”

Before I could speak another word, the door swung open, Amber entering the room. Her gaze hardens at the sight. She walks over and grabs my wrist, pulling me towards the door. “We gotta head out,” Amber states, but her tone was more so demanding. “What- wait-” Tara tries to intervene but to no avail with the intense glare that Amber sent her way.

Amber drags me out of Tara’s room towards the stairs, and once we got downstairs, she didn’t waste a second getting us out the front door and into her car. “What did you say to her?” Amber demands as she enters the driver’s seat of her car.

She quickly floors it out of Tara’s driveway, taking a left turn, wheels squealing, meaning we were going in the direction of her house. My stomach turns, a sickening feeling overcoming me at the sound of her tone and the look in her eyes. Mentally, I couldn’t help but think back to the psychology class Amber and I had attended yesterday at school. More so the lesson, the one on gut-brain connection. Never thought I’d actually use the information, but seeing and feeling it happen in real time made something click in my brain. I didn’t deserve this.

“I just apologized for you being an asshole.” I huffed, a new found confidence bestowed in my mind. “Excuse you? I was the asshole? No. You were a bitch for running off when I was trying to kiss you and make up.” Amber quips, her face contorting in anger and annoyance as she grips the steering wheel tightly. “You’re the one that wants to be a stubborn bitch about everything.”

“You put your fucking hands on me. I had a pretty good fucking reason to run. Pullover.” I uncross my arms, one hand going for the door handle. “No! I’m not fucking pulling over.” Amber seethes, running a hand through her hair in frustration.

“I don’t want to be near you right now! Pull over.” I demand, my head whipping to the car door when I hear her press the lock button on her side of the car. “I’m not fucking pulling over, we are gonna talk this out. I don’t wanna lose you!” Amber starts to make herself cry, a skill she had mastered in order to manipulate me into letting her have her way.

My phone starts to ring in my back pocket, I pull it out and check the screen, the caller ID showing my mom’s name. I let out a sigh of relief. “My mom is calling.” I state. I don’t bother to glance at her direction as I answer the phone. My parents taking priority over my highschool girlfriend. “Hey honey, we need you to come home and watch the dog. Your father and I are going out for date night,” My mom’s soothing voice informs.

“Yeah of course, I’ll be home in a few.” I say before ending the call, making sure to say an ‘I love you’ at the end. “My parents need me home.” I state. “Okay, so we’ll talk this out at your house.” Amber nods, wiping her tears with the sleeve of her hoodie.

“No, my parents don’t want anyone over while I’m home alone, and they just got new cameras installed last week.” I throw in a lie at the end, just craving some space away from her.

I had spent my whole summer, every single day at her home, at her side. It was already halfway through the school year and I still barely had room to breathe with her constantly at my side. Not only that, but she had been so controlling. The whole summer, she would refuse to let me go home when I wanted to unless my parents called me practically begging me to come back home. She went through my phone, blocking every friend that she deemed a threat to our relationship, some that didn’t even do anything wrong at all. All just so she could feel more in control of our relationship.

“Okay, so you can still facetime me when you get home right?” Amber asks sternly, her hand moving to grip mine in a tight grasp. “Yeah, I’ll call you after my parents leave.” I lie through my teeth, planning to fake a low battery before the call.

“Okay… Promise?” Amber asks, glancing at me for a brief moment before her eyes turn back to the road, taking a turn towards my house to drop me off. “I promise.” I nod, lifting her hand up to my lips to kiss the back of it. She smiles and caresses the back of my hand with her thumb. “Also, we gotta talk about Tara. I don’t want us hanging out with her anymore.” Amber commands. “But why? I thought you liked Tara? She’s nice.” I say bewildered by her.

“Yeah, a little too nice to you.” Amber scoffs, her hand moving to grip my thigh possessively, “You are mine, and I don’t want you seeing her. Is that clear?” Amber questions, her hand gripping my thigh in an increasingly painful grip. “Yes ma’am.” I mumble, wincing in pain.

“Good girl.” Amber smirks in satisfaction as her hand gently rubs over when her nail marks are now indented. Amber turns into the driveway of my house, parking her car in the driveway. She turns to me, reaching out to caress my cheek. Looking at me with the same look that always won me over. “I’m gonna miss you.” Amber pouts, tracing over my bottom lip with her thumb.

“I’ll see you later, okay?” I say, feeling a pang of guilt at the sight of her pout. “Okay… Give me one more kiss?” She asks, leaning closer, her breath brushing against my lips. “Okay,” I nod, leaning in to kiss her softly before pulling away. “I love you,” Amber calls as I unbuckle my seatbelt and open the car door. “I love you too…” I say back before closing the car door behind me.

I walk up my driveway, feeling her eyes on me as I get to the door. I quickly get inside and lock the door behind me. Upon entering, my mom appears from the entrance of the kitchen. “There you are,” She walks over to me, “Your dad and I will be back in a couple hours, take care of our dog, alright? Make sure he isn’t lonely.” My mom laughs a bit at the end as she hugs me.

She grabs her purse and coat, “Let’s go!” She yells up the stairs to my dad who was taking his precious time on his hair. He quickly rushes down the stairs, nearly tripping down them, but catching himself with a nervous smile as he looks over at my mom who was unamused by his inability to be careful. “We’ll be back soon, love you kiddo,” My dad grins, patting my shoulder before offering his arm out to my mom as they walk out to their car.

Once they exit, I make sure the front door is locked, checking the back door too. No, I wasn’t expecting Amber to show up again, but I wouldn’t put it past her. Once I made sure they were secure, I called my dog to come with me up to my bedroom.

Unknown: Hey, you awake? 11:21 p.m.

Unknown: It’s Amber 11:22 p.m.

Unknown: I miss you 11:24 p.m.

I sigh as I rub my eyes with the back of my hands. It hurts to think I was so naive. And now, with her texting me, it was all just carving open old wounds that weren’t fully finished healing. A speedy thump to the heart in my chest, one that I didn’t want but couldn’t control. My mind flashes with memories that I wish I could forget.

We were laying in Amber’s bed, her head resting on my chest as we watched videos on my phone that I held on my stomach. Her hand was softly rubbing my hip. “She looks familiar.” I comment, referring to the woman in the video who was explaining an ongoing situation in the world. “You think she’s pretty, don’t you?” Amber scoffs, lifting her head off my chest to look back up at me with an unamused look, her eyebrows furrowed.

“No, I’m just saying that I think I’ve seen her videos before,” I elaborate, softing stroking her hair trying to ease her mind. “Don’t fucking lie to me.” Amber scoffs, sitting up and taking my phone out of my hand. “I’m not lying, baby. I promise.” I say softly, my hand moving to gently caress her cheek, but she pushes my hand away. “I can’t even trust anything you fucking say.” Amber gets up from the bed, pacing her room, her face contorted in anger, that dark look in her eyes coming back.

I felt my heart race in my chest, not liking when she got like this, usually I could calm her down before a total meltdown. “You’re such a fucking liar! I saw you at school talking to Tara on Tuesday, y’know that?!” She seethes, lifting her arm back as she chucked my phone with no intent in direction. It felt like it happened in slow motion as the phone smacked me right in the face, hitting my nose and lip in a harsh manner. My hands quickly rush to cradle my face in pain.

“Fuck!” I cry in pain, blood gushing from my nose, my lip now busted from being pinched hard between my tooth and phone. Blood dripped down my lip and momentarily stained my teeth. “God don’t be so dramatic, it was an accident.” Amber rolls her eyes as she grabs a towel that was hanging off the back of her closet, walking over to hold it to my face.

“One that you could have fucking prevented!” I scoff, trying to push her hands away as I tried to hold the towel myself. “Baby, you know I didn’t mean it, I wouldn’t do that to you on purpose, I just got angry” Her tone turns sweet and soft, her hand running soothingly through my hair. “But you did!” I say, trying to move away from her. “It wasn’t my fault!” Amber huffs, pulling me into her arms, tight enough that I couldn’t get away.

She leans down and presses soft kisses on my cheek, whispering sweet nothings to calm me down and get me to stop trying to squirm away. After almost 20 minutes, I no longer fought her embrace, rather leaning into it as she rubbed my back softly. Her hand holding the towel to my face, coddling me. My mind was busy thinking on how I would explain the injuries to my mom when I got home.

Unknown: Hey, you awake? 11:21 p.m.

Unknown: It’s Amber 11:22 p.m.

Unknown: I miss you 11:24 p.m.

Unknown: Please baby 11:27 p.m.

I let out a shaky breath, my eyes closed as I stewed in my thoughts. My hand brought up to my face, tracing over where the bump on my lip used to reside, the memories felt so fresh that I could almost feel the old wound. Then another memory flashed through my head, an invisible stake of pain piercing through the back of my skull. Remembering her was only gutting my stability further.

Amber and I were walking around a bar in a busy part of town, her mom was a busy woman, and one of her friends was having a cancer benefit. Her mother was only able to attend for 30 minutes before having to leave for a work meeting. She requested that Amber and I stay behind in her place, also asking us to make sure her name was at the top of all the raffle items for the benefit. Amber agreed after being lectured by her mother. I remained by her side, trying to be a supportive girlfriend.

We walked into the room that held the raffle buckets next to the items and the clipboard to list your name along with your bid for the item. Amber’s mother did not spare a dime with the tickets she bought, wanting to be as supporting as she can for her friend, as well as wanting to win a full massage and mani pedi. “God this is boring,” Amber whispers, guiding me to a wall for us to lean on. I lean my back against the cold brick wall, Amber moving to stand in front of me, her hand caressing my waist. “Calm down, we only have to be here for a bit longer like your mom asked.” I mumble quietly, my eyes scanning the room, observing the people in the crowded area. “Why not make it a little interesting~?” Amber smirks, her hand moving to cup my jaw as she leans in and connects her lips with mine, trying to start a heated makeout session, I push her back slightly. “I don’t feel like this is appropriate. This isn’t the time or place, I don’t feel comfortable doing this here.” I voice my concerns softly, trying not to upset her as I caress her cheek gently.

“Uhuh sure~” Amber’s smirk doesn’t falter as she leans in and forces her lips against mine once more. My hands move to her shoulders trying to push her back. Her hands move to grip my waist tighter, trapping me between the wall and her. With the crowd as busy and as drunk as they were, didn’t notice my struggle. Except for one woman, who just so happened to be working at the cancer benefit. “Excuse me, you two need to go. Out. Now.” An older woman with dark brown hair and a Monroe piercing scolds, her thin eyebrow quirked up.

I recognized her as one of the women Amber’s mother was talking with earlier before she took her leave. I felt a disgusting guilt building up inside me. I felt dirty, not in a good way, in a vile way. Amber knew how I felt about PDA, especially in settings like this. “Yeah, yeah.” Amber rolls her eyes, smiling cockily as she grabs my hand dragging me out of the room into the bar area where they would soon announce the winners. I went to sit down on one of the only empty stools left, but Amber stopped me, sitting down in the seat, making me stand in front of her as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders. A blonde woman with glasses in an olive green dress stood up to begin announcing the winners from the raffle and bids. After a harrowing thirty minutes, all the winners were announced, none of which were Amber’s mother. My legs were killing me, having stood the whole time with the pressure of Amber’s head and arms resting on me.

“Whatever, let’s go.” Amber scoffs, feeling some sort of selfish anger for having wasted her time. I couldn’t understand her anger. But Amber got mad over a lot of minor things, so it wasn’t really a surprise that this was sparking a flame of anger in her. Amber grabbed my hand and dragged me through the crowds of people in the small bar. We get out the door and after a few steps outside, Amber stops me. She was shivering, having worn only a t-shirt and jeans in the middle of fall.

“Give me your hoodie.” She states, holding out her pale ringed hand. “Why? You chose to not wear a hoodie when I told you to wear one.” I say, my eyebrows furrowing, still kind of pissed off about her making me stand up the whole half hour. “Maybe because I’m your fucking girlfriend and your ride home.” Amber snaps back, her jaw clenching as she snaps her fingers, cueing me to give her the hoodie. “Okay..” I sigh, peeling off my dark green hoodie and handing it to the girl, leaving me in t-shirt and cargo pants. I didn’t want to walk home tonight, so I didn’t see the point in arguing with her further. I could feel the cold dry sting of the air hit me. I shivered, and we began to walk to her car. When we got to her car, she was livid, the parking meter had expired, a ticket sat under the windshield wiper. Her eye twitched a bit as she hastily walked over, snatching the ticket off the windshield and getting in the car. I quickly follow suit, not wanting to piss her off more. I get into the car, shutting the door behind me. I buckle my seatbelt, feeling an absolute need to, knowing she’s seething in anger. As I got in, she seemed cool for a minute, before her fist drove into the steering wheel, punching repeatedly. I reached out and held her hand with mine, preventing her fist from hitting it again, not wanting her to hurt herself. I unbuckle my seatbelt and lean over, holding her head to my chest, embracing her tightly. I move over to straddle her lap. Her arms wrap around me, holding me breathlessly tight, letting out a frustrated and muffled cry out into my chest.

I felt guilty. She was having a hard day already, her mom yelled at her earlier, a woman scolded us, she was upset about the raffle, I argued about the hoodie, and now she has a ticket. I kissed the crown of her forehead and whispered sweet nothings trying to calm her down. Once her breathing was more normal, I pulled back and looked back into her eyes, feeling a jolt to my heart as hers met mine.

“You okay?” I whisper softly, kissing her cheek a few times. Her lips were puffed out in a small pout and her eyes were teary as she stared back at me. “I’m sorry, I just- I got overwhelmed.” Amber mumbles, pressing her face back into my chest

Unknown: Hey, you awake? 11:21 p.m.

Unknown: It’s Amber 11:22 p.m.

Unknown: I miss you 11:24 p.m.

Unknown: Please baby 11:27 p.m.

Unknown: I need you 11:30 p.m.

I bit my bottom lip, as I thought about her eyes. Back then, I thought I always saw her eyes softening when she gazed back at me, but now that it’s been years, I have come to realize it was her loving the power and control she had over me. The way she had me wrapped around her finger no matter what.

It was a few days after the incident where she had slapped me over a joke I made about her music.

Amber and I were cuddling in her bed when my phone buzzed in the sheets next to us. She picked it up and checked the notification. My head was nuzzled into the crook of her neck, her hand that wasn’t occupied with my phone was stroking my hair softly. “Your ex fucking texted you.” Amber scoffs, opening the text. Her hand stopped stroking my hair, moving to aid her other hand with the phone.

“Block her,” I mumble, too sleepy to care about whatever my ex wants. “She said she found your hoodie and wants you to come pick it up.” Amber says after reading the text. “Tell her to throw it away.” I say, pressing a soft kiss to her neck. “No, actually…” Amber pauses thinking, “Go pick up the hoodie.” She states, pushing my head off her neck. “Why? I don’t want it.” I huff, a bit pouty about her ruining my comfortable position.

“Well I do, because then the next time that bitch stalks your instagram, she’ll get the pleasure of seeing me in your hoodie.” Amber smirks, handing my phone back to me. “Why does it matter if it’s that one? You’re on my instagram wearing my hoodies in most of our pictures,” I ask confusedly as I lean over to kiss her cheek before putting my phone in my pocket. “Because, I get to rub it in that you’re mine. If she’s willing to go through the trouble of giving you your hoodie back, she gets to go through the trouble of seeing me in it later.” Amber states before kissing me softly. “Now go get that hoodie.” She smiles, waving me off. Within a ten minute walk, I was outside my ex’s house. She stood on her burgundy colored porch, holding a familiar black hoodie in her hands. I walked up to the stairs of her porch. She smiles at me, sitting down on one of the steps as she hands it to me. “Hey… how are you?” She asks, her tone nothing but friendly.

Before she and I had broken up, we used to be close friends. Even after the break up, we remained friends until I met Amber. We broke up for the main reason that while being with me, she discovered that what she thought were romantic feelings towards me were nothing but platonic. I had felt the same way and hence the being friends thing. “I’m okay, how are you?” I ask, my voice a little rough from having walked over on a hot summer day with no water. “I’m alright. But I’m worried about you,” She pauses, “Mindy told me that you stopped talking to most of the group. What’s going on with you?” She asks softly, her hand touching my shoulder in a comforting manner. I let out a shaky sigh as tears welled up in my eyes. “Things have been difficult lately.” I state vaguely, running a hand through my hair. “What do you mean? You can talk to me. You know I won’t say a thing,” She says, knowing I’ve had a past of people telling my business to other people who have no right to it. “Amber has been getting more controlling, and well…” I sigh and wipe my face with my hand. “And what?” She whispers softly, trying to remain supportive and comforting. “She slapped me the other day,” I mumble, not wanting to have to face the reality, but knowing I need to. “What? Y/n, that’s not okay,” A small gasp comes from her mouth as she rubs my arm comfortingly. She knew this kind of behavior from anyone, especially a teenager, wasn’t okay whatsoever. She didn’t honestly have any other words besides, “You need to tell an adult.” She pauses her words, to try to lay them out more kindly, “What she’s doing isn’t right. You don’t deserve to be hurt.” She says. My phone buzzes in my back pocket, I pull it out to check it. The realization of how much time had passed brings me concern as the notification from Amber popped up. She asked what was taking me so long, and told me to hurry up.

“I gotta go, I’m sorry,” I say, slipping my phone back in my pocket before turning to walk off, missing the look of pity that my ex sent me as I walked off. I quickly hurried back to Amber’s house, despite the smoldering heat that threatened to wind me down to the sidewalk. I get back to her house, to see her waiting on her couch with her feet propped up on the dark brown coffee table in front of her. “You get the hoodie?” Amber asks, looking up from her phone. “Y- yeah.” I say through heavy breaths. I toss it over to her. She picks it up, inspecting it and the design.

“What took you so long?” She interrogates, looking back up at me with a bated stare.

“It was a long walk in hot heat,” I excuse, moving to sit beside her as I pick up her water bottle off the table to take a swig. “BS, what took you so long?” She scoffs, turning to face me with a raised brow. “My ex asked how I was doing,” I admit, looking up to meet her eyes. “And what did you say?” Amber asks, squinting her eyes. “I said I was fine,” I shrug, setting the water bottle back down on the table. “And that was it?” Amber asks, not convinced at all. “That was it.” I say, my eyes accidentally diverting from hers out of guilt. “Bullshit. What else?” She demands, grabbing my chin to force me to look at her. “She said that Mindy told her I wasn’t coming around the group as much anymore.” I admit further, wanting her to let my chin out of her tight grip. Amber lets out a dark chuckle, pinching the bridge of her nose. “A whole month without speaking to you and she still can’t keep you off her damn mind. No wonder I felt the need to keep you away from her.” Amber rolls her eyes, pulling me into her lap. I don’t say anything, not wanting to argue and cause a bigger reaction from her. Instead I silently snuggled up to the crook of her neck as she ran her ringed hand over my back in small soothing circles.

Unknown: Hey, you awake? 11:21 p.m.

Unknown: It’s Amber 11:22 p.m.

Unknown: I miss you 11:24 p.m.

Unknown: Please baby 11:27 p.m.

Unknown: I need you 11:30 p.m.

Unknown: Answer babe 11:33 p.m.

I didn’t hate her, after all the bullshit she did then. Not until Richie. That’s when I started to.

I walked into Amber’s home, a happy grin along my lips. I came over planning to surprise her with a cute box of snacks and drinks I made for her. I spent hours on the box alone, painting each side, attempting to recreate her favorite Stab movie covers on each side, paying close attention to each detail to try and make it near perfect for her. The box was nearly overflowing in her favorite snacks and drinks. I walked up the stairs towards her bedroom, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion as I heard a bed creaking. I didn’t see anyone else’s car in the driveway so I made the stupid assumption of her having a reasonable explanation like taking care of her own needs. I balance the box on the side of my hip as I open her bedroom door. What I didn’t expect to see was Richie on top of her as she moaned out his name. The box dropped from under my arm, loudly crashing to the floor, capturing the attention of both of them. Amber’s eyes widened as she was at a loss for words. I saved her the brain power by running out of the house and driving away before she could even reach me. By the time I reached my house, I ran inside, tears leaving my eyes as I called one person that I thought I’d never call again. Tara. I called Tara. No explanation, just telling her I needed her to come to my house immediately. I went to each door and window in my house, making sure they were locked and if possible covered with the curtains and blinds. Knowing that Amber was persistent and if I didn’t pick up her calls eventually, she’d show up. I just prayed Tara would be here before then. I needed to tell someone the truth, because I didn’t quite frankly know what to do with it. Being a teenager, you don’t expect to be used like a punching bag or cheated on with a grown ass man.

I was sitting on my living room couch, my phone was tossed on the coffee table, buzzing with texts from Amber. All I knew was that I didn’t want to hear it. As I cried on the couch, a knock on the front door broke me from my sob session. I got up quickly, making my way to the door quietly before peaking out the peephole, seeing Tara standing at my doorstep. I unlock and open the door, letting the girl in before locking the door back up.

“Hey, what’s going on with you?” Tara asks softly, seeing my tear stained face. I shake my head to prevent a sob from breaking through as I hug her, burying my head in her shoulder. As my cries wrack my body, she holds me close, stroking my hair softly, shushing my cries. “It’s gonna be okay, we’ll get over this.” She whispered, unsure of what the situation was, but more than willing to try and help.

Unknown: Hey, you awake? 11:21 p.m.

Unknown: It’s Amber 11:22 p.m.

Unknown: I miss you 11:24 p.m.

Unknown: Please baby 11:27 p.m.

Unknown: I need you 11:30 p.m.

Unknown: Answer babe 11:31 p.m.

Unknown: Fucking answer me 11:33 p.m.

“Babe, turn your phone off, I can’t sleep with the constant notifications,” A tired brunette groans beside me in bed. She turns over in the sheets, burying her face in the crook of my neck with a tired pout. “Sorry, love. I’ll turn it off.” I kiss the top of Tara’s head, turning the do not disturb on my phone. I hover my finger over the button on my phone screen. I press down on the block button. I’m over this.

[musiccgor3]

Gonna ramble about a movie I watched because it ended up far more interesting than I thought, and reminded me of a few things. It has some spoilers tho so (long ass post....)

It's kinda like Dead Poets Society, but if it was set in ww2 nazi boarding school for history buffs

Я убейся бля. It reminded me so much of dps. The scenes, the characters, legit everything with just a few changes here and there. I honestly just viewed Friedrich and Albrecht as best friends, but some people apparently see them as romantic interests, and honestly, I can't even argue with that. A few scenes felt like it. Still, no matter what your views on them are, it's still pretty devastating.

It also kinda hit close to home, which may be a weird thing to say for a film with nazis ☠️, BUT I meant specifically how the school and teachers acted and Friedrich's roommates. Obviously, it's not as comparable. Napolas were literally teaching teens to kill, but it reminded me just a tiny bit, k??? The strict ass teachers, and don't even get me started on the humiliating punishment. That one scene with the instructor and shit reminded me of my own teacher. Whenever we failed a test or quiz, he'd make us chew the paper and spit it out. We'd also get hit sometimes in front of everyone, among other things.

Another thing it reminded me was my friend. I think one of the main reasons I mainly viewed them as friends was because I might have been projecting from how much Albrecht reminded me of a friend lmfao. This shit is very personal but well whatever. It was mostly their personalities. He was also reserved, kinda soft spoken and quiet, like Albrecht. He had some family issues, mainly with his dad, and because of his personality, he wasn't severely bullied or anything, more like outcasted and ignored by the others. I was the only one he actually talked to casually without purpose, so I suppose being his only friend, I kinda influenced him too and vice versa (since it was also a pretty shitty time in my life where I was a bit stupid lol). He really stood with what he thought. Friedrich and Albrecht were like mirrors to me, almost. But unfortunately, too much alike. Due to some stuff happening, I also ended up losing him to suicide. I wasn't even able to attend his funeral, so the scene where Friedrich requested an obituary and they refused to give Albrecht a funeral in the school???? Ouch. And I also already felt a bit guilty with what happened, so when that fuck said the parents blamed Friedrich to be partially responsible for Albrecht's death, uhh, double ouch. It got me thinking a bit.

I'd be lying if I said I don't miss him bad, but shit, enough of that. I rambled about it wayy too much.

Yeah, this movie is great as hell. Not only is it a good film, but it'll probably hold an important place in my brain. I'm gonna think about this for the next week thx. Super cool movie. There should be more films where they allow guys to have more emotional relationships than just "oh, I'm super masculine. I don't care about others." Yeah, most of us are raised to be more emotionally reserved and probably cant be affectionate for shit with friends or let alone anyone, but don't lie when you say you haven't atleast had one friendship where you let go for once damn. "Bromance" or not, some ppl need to learn how to care. You can be masculine and still care for your friends deeply, ya know.

This movie might have some intentional or unintentional homoeroticism in it, but эххххх whatever.... Gay or not, we can all agree it's depressing in both ways someone can view it

(Just realized I probably liked this film due to more personal reasons than a cinematic view LMAO)

[cephalotyrant]

Hiiiiiiiiii so. Azurido bodyswap.

Think about it; these two housewardens who constantly seem to be bickering, and then one day during a joint alchemy class they accidentally swap bodies...

Azul trying to run heartslabyul and hastily memorizing all the queens' rules; speaking of i had a sudden thought do you think azul would learn the rules for riddle after they start dating so he can easily come over to heartslabyul and follow all the rules teehee anyways back on topic Azul is mentioned to have less magic capacity so im imagining him being like "okay yeah this kid's currently on a murderous rampage buuuut do I REALLY need off with your head rn why can't i just assert my dominance with words or some shit works with floyd" (i'l never forget that time azul made floyd kneel as punishment... sad moment)

And then Riddle... bless his heart he's too much of a reasonable honest person for octavinelle's bs he's like "stop scamming students" and they're like "um ACKSHUALLY you see the free market and blah blah blah-" Riddle can't behead them anymore because azul doesn't have that power (loser) so he's just like -_- waiting for them to stop talking please oh please what he wouldn't do for them to shut the fuck up-

also weird thought riddle out of instinct trying to cast owyh and then accidentally activating the true form of it's a deal and just... knocking a bunch of guys out cold. and his glasses. he hates them bc they keep getting foggy.

speaking of glasses azul keeps trying to push them up except they dont exist fuckin L hah hah everybody point and laugh

and riddle's high heels... azul falls over (point and laugh part 2)

anyways getting a bit more serious I do feel like azul and riddle do have more similarities in leadership style (like how azul's canonically very irritable with octavinelle students and ortho mentions it's actually quite rare to see him in a good mood just like riddle) so... poor heartslabyul guys aren't catching a break just yet. Except instead of being collared it's just like "shut the fuck up travis this is why you're poor" "3.8 gpa santocruz??? I think you mean 1.8 because those tabloids could only be written by a FUCKING IDIOT" (i'm joking PLEASE DONT KILL ME I MERELY JEST besides we all know azul probably tries to seem uber classy so he wouldn't swear)

meanwhile octavinelle students have never seen such rage... even more scarily... HONESTY AND STRAIGHTFORWARDNESS (an octavinelle student's worst nightmare)

Anyways Riddle and tweel interactions here are just so funny if this is before floyd realizes the truth because it's like

"Lemme squeeze you, goldfishie!"

"Riddle" has NO REACTION. ICE COLD.

And then "Azul" waltzes in and is like "Floyd why how could you do this that is highly improper!!!!!!!"

Ofc "Riddle's" like "so i owe you now" bc azul wants riddle in his debt lmaooo

Azul keeps trying to find riddle's weakness... but it goes wrong...

Short scene:

Azul gazed into the mirror of Heartslabyul's bathroom, looking at every new detail at this new face of his. Riddle's face. He was looking for weaknesses. Yes, weaknesses, as dastardly as it seemed.

Like - how those soft, sun-kissed cheeks were likely sensitive to light, and how those gorgeous little heart-shaped tufts of hair often added to Riddle's poutiness, and-

Wait, why was Riddle's face growing redder in the mirror all of a sudden?

Womp womp azul you're gay for him

Anyways they turn back and it all gets found out blah blah... Azul saying the most down-bad shit when he thinks no one can hear like "riddle-san looks even prettier from up close" jade and floyd overhear his little mumble he never leaves it down...

and riddle... is hyperfixating over azul's moles. he knew about the one on his chin but there's MORE??? On The neck? The COLLARBONE??? He never undressed (neither did azul bc they were swapped for a pretty short time so it was pretty easy not to as just... yk a respect/consent thing) but while adjusting his tie and stuff he noticed. He is now freaking out over it to Trey. Why does he care??? When can he sign up to kiss them??? More on seven.

OOOOOOAAAAAGHHHHHH BARK BARK BARK BARK GRRR MOEWWW HISSS CRASH BOOM MY LEG!!!

Memorizing the rules would be a DAUNTING ass task bro. But Azul is up to it and I bet he memorized them just for fun at one point so he could find all the loopholes (and rub them in riddles face) funnily enough, Heartslabyul is confuse because it seems like Riddle has gotten... sharper? Some clock him immediately as wrong (ADTC)-- Riddle often stands stiffly and probably has a resting bitch face, let's be real. but now the way he stands is almost looser, more fluid, his body more expressive, flexing his hands. In his attempt to follow the rules, Azul IMMEDIATELY calls out someone using a loophole. But for today, he'll let it slide-- but I better not catch you doing that again, else there will be consequences. (He means Jade and Floyd it was on instinct) Even the way he SPEAKS is different, and why is he talking about himself so much? Don't get started on the moment Azul is mentioned-- why is he suddenly avoiding speaking any bad about Azul Ashengrotto? They were at each other's throats just this morning!

He feels weirdly frail. Not only does he lack his octo-stength, he has to look up at absoloutely everyone! And these heels are ridiculous! Of course, he's heard all about Riddle boasting that the dorm uniform being a replica of the first housewarden of Heartslabyul, but he could have omitted SOME details. The way everyone straightens their back when they hear the clacking of his heels, though... that's quite nice. It's hard not to powertrip.

I'm not going to get into it I'm not going to get into it I'm not-- FUCK. He can't help but be envious of the complete lack of fat on Riddle's body, the way his uniform cinched his waist just right. Perhaps there were some benefits of being so small... And there's a constant dull ache in his dominant hand. Seriously, for someone raised for a future in medicine, he doesn't appear to be taking care of himself very well! Maybe he'll snoop about the room for a diary, finding a drawer full of letters from a very particular woman-- and leave the investigation there. Funnily enough, it fills him with the urge to write his own letter to his own mother... he hasn't spoken to her in a while.

At least the bed is fantastic? Let's just hope Trey doesn't walk in while he's giggling and wrapping himself up burrito-style into the blankets.

Azul (Riddle) back at Octavinelle seems like he's one moment away from a STROKE. So much so that every few moments red rings swirl in his eyes-- his last straw being the fourth pencil he breaks in a row. Since when has Azul been this strong!? Does his dishonest nature extend to taking steroids?? He's going to have a VERY long talk with him later! His glasses keep getting smudged and sliding down his nose, and Azul's layered clothing was so ridiculously heavy-- being of average height is kind of nice, though.

Jade and Floyd clock him as NOT AZUL right away I fear... though it is a little funny to watch Azul's body throw a tantrum and stomp his feet. They freak out, however, when Riddle realizes he has the strength to preperly defend himself... not good. If he can't behead them, he can go physical. Really, he's not fit at all to run Mostro or do deals atp... but Jade and Floyd think it'd be funny if he fucked some up. He's rather impressed by how such a busy establishment runs so smoothly, and the employees, namely, the waiters, are rather polite. They stand straight and speak clearly... Azul’s done quite well.

THE MOLES ARGH...

—

Finally. A respite from the endless things that needed his attention– as the housewarden of Heartslabyul, he was used to tending issues left and right, but this experience, being trapped in Azul’s body, had stretched his patience thin. Azul, truly, had his fingers in far too many pies.

Discarding anything the Octavinelle housewarden wore on the regular would have been improper, though it certainly didn’t prevent him from complaining about it. The layers of the dorm uniform were oppressive, to put it lightly– even his cape, for how it dragged across the ground, wasn’t nearly as heavy. The cummerbund was too tight to be considered remotely comfortable. He abandons it on the chair in front of the vanity.

He tugs on silky purple fabric to undo the bowtie, the thing having gone crooked, most likely from when he undid the suspenders or pulled off the jacket. It’s always satisfying to allow one’s neck to breathe at the end of the day–

Eh?

Right there, not too far from under the collar, is a culmination of small dark spots. Three, in fact. And just when he peels back the collar to get a better look at them, there’s another one, right there, on his collarbone!

Experimentally, he runs a finger over them. They’re just spots of pigment… so why do they make his breath hitch and his face warm so?

The door beside the vanity swings open without warning, causing him to jump and squeeze the collar shut in alarm, crumpling the, no doubt, expensive fabric. He curses, seeing one of two tall eel mermen at the door.

“Are you accustomed to coming in unannounced?”

Jade smiles, half concealing it with a hand. “Oh my. Look at you, you already sound so much like our dearly departed Azul.”

“D– dearly departed!? He’s in my body, not deceased!”

[sillyname30]

I just listened to the latest episode of and that's what you really missed on Glee. Part 2 of the Darren episode.

Jenna: Somewhere Only We Know is a fan favorite. Darren:  Keane was one of my favorite bands in highschool. I was doing it in LA and I remember I was really weirded out by it because I love this record. I didn't dislike it. I just was this is such a good record. I don't want to tarnish this and this is how I felt on the day we were at that school. I have really sensitive eyes. And they had those giant mirrors. I was melting. (You can tell by looking at the performance.) But the lesson I take away with this is once you make something and it's released to the world it does not belong to you any longer. Whatever experience people have with something that you made belongs to them and their experience.

Kevin: I want to hear when you first started working with Chris because Blaine and Kurt became a worldwide cultural sensation. Darren: I came in with luckily the tools to really appreciate for what I was doing in some way. I just so happen to have a strong and comfortable relationship with queerness itself. I live a very cultural queer life. I felt a huge responsibility but also was like 'Man, I'm glad that it's me because I don't mind talking about this. I don't get skittish.'

I met Chris and I watched him on TV and I know how much people love him. I'm supremely aware any time spent with him be near impossible outside of Glee once the episode is on. I had tickets to go to see Sutton Foster. I just met this person. And he's like a big deal, very recognizable cultural figue at this point. And I say: 'Hey, man. I have an extra ticket to see Sutton Foster tonight. Do you wanna go? My treat. Let's get some dinner, get to know each other a little bit. We have all these scenes coming up and it be nice just to start this relationship in a more personal way than we're doing on set.' And bless his fucking heart he said yes.

Darren: I have never met any from your side. We were two different planets for a long time. I'm on my own show. Different people, different building. By the time I interacted with you, you guys were your own cliques/family. I remember the tour was the first time I spent time with you guys personally. I will never forget walking around Toronto by myself. I remember walking into a bar and Naya and Dianna were having drinks in the back. And at this point I don't really know them. They were like 'come, sit down.' And I remember at the end of that I was like 'so good to meet you guys.'

Darren on the difference of his Glee experience: I'm came in like the 11th hour, but I'm not shooting every day. I'm maybe shooting a day or two and when I do, it's just my shit. If I was there I was doing something. Even on the tour you did 85 % of the show. I park my fucking blazered ass on stage for 10 minutes, do 3 songs and I was out.

What is the feeling that Glee leaves you with? It's such a gleeful experience. I know there are a lot of hairy things that people may think they know happened on the show or project happened on the show. Maybe because I'm a happy idiot, because I can block out that stuff, maybe because I just was at the right place at the right time. I had an A+ experience on that show. I loved every minute, every person truly. I have a wonderful, positive story about every single person individualy.

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

thoughts on every gravity falls episode except the last time we watched the full series was back when we had our wisdom teeth removed and they range from actual insightful thoughts to ‘heheh >:]’

first!! honorable mention: the pilot episode! ae always liked this one, though the show we got definitely is much better. also boo-berry

tourist trapped - immaculate intro episode. introduces the characters we’ll be seeing most often, gives us a decent idea of what they’re like (even stan, we get to see him giving the kids stuff for free just to cheer them up), and it introduces the weirdness of gravity falls, all in a pretty well-paced manner. good episode, very good, 10/10

the legend of the gobblewonker - fiddleford introduction episode!! also gobblewonker our beloved <3 the photos of them spending time with stan in the end are so wholesome, they all look so happy, *squeak of delight*

headhunters - so incredibly depressing once you know about ford. is so startled to see a statue of himself that he shouts and falls backwards (is that how he would’ve reacted if ford had shown up in the shack suddenly?). screams and stutters when he finds the statue beheaded, something we never really see him doing, at least not all that often. cries and has to run out of the room when he’s in the funeral. is so happy to get the statue’s head back and put it back on the body. :[

the hand that rocks the mabel - UNCOMFY. it was good! we learn there’s another journal, and it introduces an antagonist we’ll be seeing a lot of. dipper being willing to break up with gideon for mabel because she feels too trapped to do so herself is so lovely, ae love them. episode really nailed the whole icky squirmy bad she was feeling

the inconveniencing - this was our favorite episode for a while, and it’s still one of our top beloveds

dipper vs. manliness - TRANS TRANS TRANS TRANS- oh ahem sorry. got overtaken by a ghost or somethin for a moment there

double dipper - the clones were fun, ae liked them a lot. it’s a very neat concept that a lot can be done with, it was nice to see dipper and tyrone make up and talk, and ae’m very glad they kept dipper 3 and 4 alive to the very end. also ae completely forgot the reason the clones were even made was cause romance or somethin

irrational treasure - ae live for mabel having it affirmed to her that her silliness is not a bad thing, and that’s she’s best just being who she is and not trying to dampen that

the time traveler’s pig - waddles yippie!! also stan turning mabel, who is so depressed she’s been standing in the same place long enough for vines to grow on her and just keeps knocking her head against a pole and muttering ‘waddles’, into a tourist attraction is wild. time travel is confusing, that too

fight fighters - ae am firmly under the belief that stan’s fear was not as cured as he thought it was. mabel and him being on the water tower was neat. we liked those scenes

little dipper - always liked the scene with stan in the mirror maze with gideon. he’s so clever, but then gideon starts breaking shit and stan’s like ‘hEY KNOCK IT OFF’. stan just sort of. kicking him out the door and closing it with such a ‘done with this bullshit’ expression on his face

summerween - another one of our top beloved episodes, and the most nostalgic one for us. we love summerween <3

boss mabel - this was an interesting, but good, one. ae saw some really neat fanart of a scene from it, but ae don’t know who made it and ae have since lost it. basic rundown is that it was art of the scene where the couple look into the gremloblin’s eyes and need to be brought to the hospital, except there was like. a gif of multiple pictures of real eyes in the gremloblin’s eyes. cool stuff

bottomless pit - ae liked the stories :]

the deep end - it was good, we just aren’t that into it personally. it’s like…one of those episodes you put on in the background cause you like it so you don’t mind listening to it but it’s not your favorite enough that you’re going to be distracted by it y’know

carpet diem - ohhhh this is also a very very very good one, yes yes yes

boyz crazy - remember lebam

land before swine - yippie, dinosaurs!! but also a very uncomfortable episode for us, just for. personal reasons

dreamscaperers - wh- there’s two ‘er’s?? since when??

gideon rises - spoilers, he, in fact, does not. also poor waddles :[

scary-oke - ae like this one a lot!!! that’s it! ae like it! it’s good!

into the bunker - idk shifty seemed kinda like. murderous. and intentionally traumatizing. to us. more than anything

the golf war - poor sergio man. honestly the first thing that comes to mind when watching this episode is 1. pit colas have actual pits in them and 2. pacifica getting yanked backwards into the bushes

sock opera - puppet boy puppet boy you’re the one ae glooooooooooovvvvveeee

soos and the real girl - melody intro!!! also soos has a cousin that looks almost exactly like him but is significantly less desirable

little gift shop of horrors - ae liked stan’s stories. also he canonically kidnapped someone and put them on display

society of the blind eye - gives much more characterization to fiddleford plus a bit of his past. the scene of him accepting it and thanking the kids for helping him is so heartwarming

blendin’s game - ae invoke gLOBNARRRRRRRRRR

the love god - ae’m sure you can guess our thoughts on this one

northwest mansion mystery - ae love this one just for the characterization and growth it gives pacifica. main reason that she’s one of our top favorite characters

not what he seems - FERAL SCREECHJNG (POSITIVE)

a tale of two stans - 12/10. it was the best of times. it was the worst of times

dungeons, dungeons, & more dungeons - this is where one of our favorite ford quotes came from

the stanchurian candidate - we never really liked this one. not sure why. it’s just not for us, ae guess

the last mabelcorn - very good episode! very very…imperch

roadside attraction - is it bad that we consider stan getting baited and fucked over by a spider lady the best part of the episode

dipper and mabel vs. the future - top favorite episode of all time. our number one

weirdmaggedon one - oHHHHHH SHIT

weirdmaggedon two - mabel and dipper. pat pat. you agree

weirdmaggedon three - sobs it’s so perfect…stan :[ and the credits ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

y’know. ae think making this list was a good idea. reminds us why we love this series so much. yeah, the fandom sucks, but that was never what it was about. it was about the world and the characters and what it all means to us. and what it means to us is everything <3

[twilightknight17]

On this round of P3R, we’re heading to the red-light district!

But first, I just want to say, Fuuka’s link requires MAX COURAGE to start? Omg. Now I’m assuming Mitsuru needs max academics. Good god. NG+ is absolutely gonna be needed for this.

So it’s now the third (technically fourth) full moon! And now that I’m thinking about the Magician and that whole mess, I think it’s a little funny that no one in SEES, in any of our downtime, has ever questioned, “Hey, what the fuck was that thing that ripped itself out of Orpheus and bodied the Magician in one shot? It might help with some of these slogging battles.” But no. It’s fine. We don’t need to know what that vastly powerful persona was. Whatever. Let’s rock.

Shirakawa Boulevard, despite Ikutsuki’s attempts to talk around it, is where the love hotels are!

I’m pressing X to doubt, sir!

So we’re off to the Champs de Fleurs hotel, and actually other than the weird curtained waiting area and sexy price list next to the front desk, it does look pretty normal? Like, it’s a hotel. It’s got hotel hallways and elevators and stuff.

And then we get to the third floor and the equivalent to the presidential suite.

This is labeled as the Hierophant’s Chamber, and… Lovers is supposed to be here? Did the P3 movies just straight-up skip the Hierophant Shadow and I never noticed? XDDD The Hierophant is very round and kind of looks like a really big guy with a lady with a head made of coral behind him.

Hierophant wasn’t bad, actually, and we get to explore the room afterwards before heading back downstairs. The kids clown on a lot of the décor, but like, the silly round bed would be cool for the novelty, and who DOESN’T want a tub that big???

But when we try to leave, we all get knocked out, and Minato wakes up in a different room, where Yukari is taking a shower.

This sounds very like Orpheus, but it’s definitely not Orpheus, because Orpheus would know that Yukari is not our soulmate!

Yes I will continue being biased. XDDDDD

If you say anything other than the correct answer, you get a “wait, that doesn’t seem right” thought bubble, and the dialogue just loops back to the start. You cannot fuck up the mission and game over on a night of brainwashed debauchery. XD

Minato comes to his senses, gets up from the bed, and Yukari comes out wrapped in a towel. She abruptly realizes where she is, screams, and slaps Minato before running back in the bathroom. And… Yukari? I was literally just standing here. Holy shit. Is this the pre-Kyoto warmup scene? God.

NONE OF THIS WAS MY FAULT???

Fuuka gets through to us, and we go back up to the second floor to meet up with Junpei and Akihiko.

I can only assume Junpei and Akihiko were put in the same room.

No one accused you of anything. Although now I’m giggling wondering what would have happened if I’d brought Mitsuru along instead.

We roam the hotel to find the mirrors we need to break to get back into the suite, and this is weirdly hilarious, all things considered.

But eventually we find our way back into the boss arena, and the Lovers has the perfect design, honestly.

GOD is it a bitch to fight, though. This fight took AGES because EVERY time it cast a spell with a charm effect, people got brainwashed. God forbid anyone other than Minato ever dodge an attack. Jesus fuck. I used every single one of my patra gems and dis-charms. Plus it cast diarama halfway through and of course when a boss does that it heals THOUSANDS of HP back to full health. Just give it salvation if you’re gonna do that.

As a brief side note, I love that when Minato casts the Jack Bros’ fusion spell, he just casually walks “offstage” afterwards and leaves them to it.

But finally, we’re out of here.

...Yukari volunteered so that I couldn’t take her out of the party and ruin my scripted undeserved slap. X’D

Gee, Yukari, I wonder if it’s because no one ever has anything nice to say to him? He just gets treated like the comic relief.

Also, we’re being watched by these dudes.

So when you say “we” do you mean you three, or like… humanity as a whole?

Back to the dorm to sleep this bullshit off, and then we move on with our week!

...christ, dude, I just came to see how you were doing. Can I please have a dialogue option so we can talk about this??? No???? Okay… God, this is Mona all over again. My god damn Magicians are always having problems.

...well, that’s nice. I wasn’t expecting that.

People at school are gossiping about how the school was rebuilt after an explosion ten years ago, and I’m getting texts from my attendant, who I apparently haven’t added to my phone? But at least she texts nicely.

It’s pre-exam week, so all my social links are busy. Instead, my academics are lagging, so I’m studying with the members of SEES who aren’t cranky with me. That means Yukari and Fuuka, and Mitsuru and Akihiko. Akihiko recommends doing a quick workout after every few problems, because then, you’ll power through the next set in anticipation of getting to your next workout!

Everyone I live with is insane. I love them. :’D

Ikutsuki calls a meeting to discuss something important, but before he can get to it, Yukari wants to speak. She’s had Fuuka looking into some stuff from the incident that happened ten years ago, and now she wants answers, because she thinks Mitsuru has been hiding things from us.

Other than the explosion, students were sent to the hospital, even though they were formally noted as just “absent”. It’s the same thing that happened to the girls bullying Fuuka; they fell unconscious and were unresponsive. Turns out, yeah, it was the same sort of thing. And it was Mitsuru’s grandfather, Koetsu Kirijo’s fault.

In greater Persona lore, knowing that he broke off from the Nanjo Group, he probably had access to tech that made his bullshit significantly easier to pull off. At the very least, we know he had the blueprints for a prototype anti-shadow suppression weapon, and the method to create artificial persona-users. But of course, he pushed too far.

(Sorry that these subtitles are kind of blurry. Basically, they gathered up a shitload of shadows and then lost control of them, because of course they did.)

Tartarus and the Dark Hour exist because of all of this. The lab explosion happened because they lost control, and because the lab was around/under Gekkoukan, it ended with the school needing to be rebuilt as well.

Yukari is not pleased with this development. She feels like we’re just being used to clean up other people’s mess. But as Ikutsuki puts it, we’re the only ones who can fix things. Normal people can’t fight shadows.

He also says that no one knows why the Arcana Shadows suddenly reappeared after ten years, but… Well.

No one is okay after this.

Junpei is angry because he feels like nothing he does is good enough, and that all he’s really good at is fighting, which won’t be necessary anymore if the Dark Hour vanishes.

Akihiko goes to see Shinji, who he apparently grew up with in an orphanage with someone named Miki, to tell him that they know how to stop the shadows now. But Shinji still won’t come back to SEES.

Me and Minato aren’t okay because I’ve finally started this guy’s social link, and he’s a dick.

Yukari’s dad was the lead researcher on the shadow stuff that led to the explosion, so I assume that he’s the one who got blamed for everything. Ikutsuki mentioned that the media picked one dude and demonized him.

I think this date is wrong, though. If it was ten years ago, that’d be 1999. Right? :/ It’s also just funnier if the lab exploded like 3 weeks after the Sumaru crisis ended.

But I saved the cat! So everything is not a complete wreck.

Pharos comes back to see me and implies some sketchy shit about my parents.

My parents (and my sister, shush, I’m pretending it’s canon) did not explode, though. So this isn’t their fault.

We’re absolutely friends.

After affirming that at least one person will stick by me to the end, even if that one person is a strange child who keeps waking me up at midnight, I come home from school the next day to find everyone sitting around experiencing the most awkward silence ever conceived.

Akihiko, no!

Thankfully, we manage to talk through what’s bothering the group as a whole (Junpei is still mad at me, I think), and Ikutsuki shows up to suggest that after exams, we all go on vacation to Mitsuru’s family’s summer home on the island of Yakushima. Her dad is going to be there, apparently!

Mitsuru reluctantly agrees, Yukari apologizes to her for being too gung-ho and accusatory the other night, and I think we’re all chill again. Which is good.

…….it’s my last night before exams and my option for study-buddy is Ikutsuki???

Nah. I’m out.

[skeletons-eat]

I watched 'the last Jedi' for the first time (for real not only clips n stuff) and here are my thoughts.

Okay can we please talk about the last jedi????? Because!???? I just watched it and I absolutely loved it ngl. I am huge fan of the force awakens but hadn't watched the last two of the sequel films due to the hate n stuff but I adored this film, especially the end.

So let's start at the last scene of SW:TLJ.

That kid telling his friends about what we had just scene beforehand (or perhaps another part of Luke's life as a reference to this moment?), then grabbing the broom with the force and then afterward showing him in a 'Jedi pose' with the resistance-symbol-ring ? Amazing. Especially with the Context of Luke saying beforehand that kylo was wrong when he stated that there will be no more rebellion and jedi.

We as the audience think in that moment of our protagonists i. e. Finn, rey, Poe, etc, but what I believe is more significant is that there will always be people out there who wish to do good and who will rebel in the face of oppression. Neither the Empire nor the first order or any sith in the galaxy can destroy all hope there is because that's something that will never die!

And hope is in star wars synonominous with the light and the Jedi, thus making it the major statement that comes with this movie.

This is also underlined with Luke's final ending in that movie.

When we were I triduced to him in the sequels he was supposed to mirror Obi-Wan from the OT, which we dont think makes much sense at first because we still know Luke as our Luke. The one who redeemed Vader. The one who beet Palpatine. Our chosen one who helped rebalanced the Galaxy and who rebuild the Galaxy.

What we as an audience begin to understand is that even paragons of light like Luke are able to fail. Are able to make mistakes and hurt others in a persute to do the right thing. That even they will be affected by traumas and fears no matter what.

And I believe that that was the right thing to do. We saw Luke in his prime so it was good to see him at his lowest simply because he was able to heal from that. And only because someone believed in him. Someone he had never met but had a undeniable connection to. Which again reflects what he did for Vader in RotJ.

I also loved Finn and Rose in this movie they were amazing and funny and cool and no I dont take criticism.

I also really liked Poe's character development from what one would consider overconfident soldier to true leader that we saw in the movie especially since it manifests to us that these characters are actively growing.

And I can't leave before mentioning rey simply because I love her for her character and hate how the made her pretty dependant to kylo as a character. I am a person who dislikes kylo/Ben and this whole ship since I'd find it better to have more of her alone and less of him but anyway.

Rey was figureing out a lot of stuff in this movie, though I enjoyed her actually verbally beating the shit out of Luke since she has no social etiquette which is AMAZING.

Her whole development with the force training and stuff was also really cool and I simply loved her screen time (except for Kyle).

Getting to my least favourite part (though I kept to the major points here);Kyle Ron/Ben.

I personally greatly dislike him as a Person. The idea behind his Character though is quite good if you think about it. The whole point of the ST is to mirror the OT and twist it up weirdly in the which comes off as 'history rhymes but is ever changing', but in this case it twists it in a way which makes the first order seem rediculous and pathetic.

Which makes sense since eveil generally is.

I like how they made the bad guys actually unlikable and weird and only out to do what is best for themself and don't understand how horrible they come off as, because evil isn't smart ( at Keats not in most cases) .

And it mirrors the Empire in way which worsens that very image because this empire is this big machine of terror and power and the first order just...tries to be that even though they can't. It's truly as easy as that and I love how they redicule evil and make it seem stupid. Because that's what it is simply put.

[justatalkingface]

Occasionally in these critiques you mention the butchering of Hawks' whole character in and post The War Arc so consider this an open question of thoughts on Hawks. Because all the pre-war Hawks stuff was some of my favorite bits of the manga before the shark.

Or, if you'd prefer something more directed: why were Dabi and Hawks both strongly tied to Endeavour when they don't interact with the other's arc? Why make them foils in a self-destructive pursuit of a goal if not to examine each other through their Dark Mirror? Why the BJ fakeout? Did it matter? Should we consider what Hawks was willing to do when it's allll fine actually?

Did any of Hawks' excelltent arc even really MATTER?

In short?

No.

Like, unironically, everything before the war doesn't matter anymore because of the ending we got, they could have just introduced him during it as a generic good guy and so far everything would be the same. But as funny as it would be, a one word answer isn't all that satisfying, so let's talk about Hawks.

(I'm going to point out here that I was already planning to do this, but I figured I'd wait for the next couple of chapters since it looked like it was going to focus back on Hawks and Twice. But, since it's delayed for health issues, and there's no real guarantees we'll be back next week... screw it. I somehow doubt whatever happens will really resolve any of the problems Hori snatched screaming from what was one of the best character arcs in the story anyways, so there's really no reason not to get on with it.)

In the beginning, we get introduced to Hawks, one of the top heroes: he's young, he's cool, he's, if I dare channel Might Guy for a moment here, hip. He's got some drama queen elements to him and he's outspoken in a way that the other heroes don't seem to be; he's more real, genuine, than people like Best Jeanist or Edgeshot, who (from what we've seen) seem to have a more bland public 'face', and he's not afraid to say something that people won't agree with. In just a few scenes, he seems like more a person than a lot of the characters do with far more screen time than him.

Then we find out that, actually, he's kinda sus. And he works for sus people. And, actually, all of this is heavily related with the corrupt heroes mentioned on and off throughout the entire ass story.

And he seems genuinely impressed by Endeavour, despite his violent image, and supports his rise to Number One where everyone else seems more doubtful.

These are the big things that make him so interesting to so many people: he's a deep character, deeper than most of the cast, loaded with mysteries, secrets, and oh so juicy drama, and so different than everyone else. What's not to love?

Later, it escalates when Hawks kills a fellow hero, just for the sake of the mission and then that's when shit gets real, because it makes you wonder: how far will he go? How much can he do without being affected?

Both of them are trying to play the other, and both of them are aware of it to some extent, if not the degree to which the other is planning and willing to go to, but it's at that moment you wonder: no matter how confident Hawks is, is he too confident? Is the man who is just a bit too fast flying just a bit too close to the sun?

He was a very real Icarus metaphor, and we watched on, eagerly waiting to see if his wings would melt in the face of his own hubris.

Over time, the story fed us bits and pieces, slowly building the picture of a man being driven closer and closer to the edge... and then, the war.

So, here's the thing with the war: so much of it, so much, is terrible. The Hawks part, though? Honestly, most of it is pretty great; there's only one part I don't like, and that's Best Jeanist actually being alive the whole time.

It's weird, in a really forced kind of way, to make Hawks seem double ultra good, in the face of all his prior characterization, because of course he wouldn't kill a fellow hero! Moreover, Dabi's surprise, when he was the one prepared for his betrayal the whole time, when he his first thought on seeing the body was, 'it doesn't even matter if this is the real one or not, the fact that Hawks killed someone is stain enough', which... seems like forced stupidity on his part, not checking at all to see if, like, someone robbed a funeral home or something, but whatever.

The point is that Dabi, of all people shouldn't have been surprised by Hawks betraying him, because he was the one that was ready for it. He has a monologue about it, for fucks sake. That confusion feels like it's there just to demonstrate how sneaky and great Hawks is, that he got to have his tactical victory and his moral victory, and do it right under all the dumb old bad guys noses!

This is, in retrospect, prep for Post War Hawks.

Because while I don't like that, my big problem with Hawks isn't him in the war, my problem isn't even with him killing Twice, my problem is after the war.

After the war, you see, is where Hawks is... honestly, I can't put this any other way than replaced. Have you seen Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Any of the versions? You know how, when someone is replaced, they have the same knowledge, but they act different? Like the motivations that moved that person before, the emotions, the various drives that comprise a human being, are just... gone. They're hollowed out, and replaced with something that mimics the way that person used to act to blend in, and allow it to push its own agenda.

The Hawks after the war reminds me of that, like he's been replaced.

Before the war, Hawks was cheerful a lot, but it was clear that that was just his default way of acting, that a lot of the cheer, but (and this is important) not all of it, was a mask. He'd flip in an instant from silly and irrelevant to dead serious, we'd see him think dark thoughts and plan against whoever he was talking to, but we'd also see him genuinely express emotion. That cheer was a layer to him, just one over a character that was clearly far deeper than what we were seeing.

After? Until the actual fighting, and Twice 'showing up' (this is why I was thinking of waiting), he was just... cheerful. Vapidly so. No jokes, no silliness, just generically positive. He'd be cheerful and smile, or he'd turn his emotions off, and there was no... in between.

If Hawks was a character with eight, or even just five layers to him before? After the war it's just two. And for most of the characters that's a lot more that we'd usually see of them, but for Hawks, that's a lot less. Where is the darkness? Where is the doubt? Where is anything beyond what pushes the heroic agency in the most efficient way he can?

I can't possibly describe the sheer dissonance I felt in pre- and post-war Hawks, the sheer confusion I felt in how bland and empty he seemed.

So yeah, when I say, "Hawks was killed and replaced by Bodysnatcher Hawks", I'm joking, but it comes from somewhere real all the same.

Alright, now let's talk about him killing Twice.

On one level, him doing is brutal, cold logic: Twice is an enemy. Twice is the single greatest force multiplier in the setting. Killing him, now, before everything goes to shit and he can get going will save god knows how many heroic lives, and quite possibly allow them to win the day; imagine if Twice got to Tomura, or Dabi? An infinite amount of clones is bad enough, but once you give them fire power....

On the other hand, well, killing is wrong. Apparently killing is basiclly illegal for heroes... which, not going to be honest, is a bit weird to me? It feels like that got tacked on after the war as part of the way the setting is whitewashing heroism, because, well, what if they can't capture someone, but can only kill them? Should they just let them go? It's not always the right choice, or even often the right choice, but flat out not having the option is naive in a way that reminds me of a lot of the post war choices because, you know, things like that are complicated.

But like I said, I'm not down on the killing, per say, so much as the situation. The situation is actually pretty fucked up.

Because Hawks had Twice cornered. If he wanted to capture him, wanted to neutralize that greatest threat? All he'd have to do is knock him out, or tranq him, somehow, with all abundant support tech that's out there. That option was there for him, and Twice never would have seen it coming, because Twice trusted Hawks completely, and he knew it, planned on it, coldly planned to betray it. If he had wanted to actually stop him right away instead of dragging it out like that, it would have been easy.

But he didn't. Why? Well, surface level, he wanted Twice to surrender, which would allow him to be better off after he's arrested. But that's the thing with Hawks; it's generally not that simple.

Hawks is smart, you see. Hawks is a trained manipulator. Twice is as subtle as a brick to the face. Hawks had to know, in the same way we all knew, that Twice would never surrender, never abandon his friends, just to try and improve his own lot, or even to save his own life, never.

So. We ask that question again. Why'd Hawks do it that way? Why'd he drag it out so long instead of just dealing with it?

Let me put it like this: he isolated Twice, one of the greatest assets for the PLF, right at the moment he would be needed most. In that room, before Twice could start multiplying, he had total control, and he could easily slap down any attempts to escape Twice made with his feathers in that confined space.

The second anything happened, people would instantly start looking for Twice because he is, again, one of their main assets and the strongest single force multiplier in the setting.

Hawks, despite knowing all of this, started talking, going through the motions. He even attacks Twice, but only, and deliberately, injuring him but leaving him alive. All of this? All of this burns time. Hawks is delaying this, as long as he could.

Then Dabi showed up. And it could have been Dabi, or it could have been anyone else, but the moment Dabi showed, the situation slipped out his control. He could no longer easily contain Twice; he went from a helpless prisoner to an active threat instantly.

And I think that is what he was waiting for, that is what he wanted, deep down: an excuse. A justification. Because he couldn't save him even if he wanted to (and he did want to, is the thing: he moved to protect Twice from Dabi's flames, and briefly tries to plan escaping with him), and thus he had to kill him. But, he wasn't executing a someone he captured in cold blood anymore, no, he was stopping an enormous threat before it could cause enormous casualties. He had to do it, or everyone would die.

And that, I think, is the interesting thing to me, because who is he justifying this to? The other heroes? They wouldn't know any better, wouldn't even know Twice was murdered with a little work on Hawk's part. His bosses? They probably ordered this. The public? They were only a problem because Dabi broadcasted this to them, because, again, Hawks dragged it out so long.

No, Hawks was dragging it out, was trying to justify it, for himself. Because he liked Twice, but he had to, he had to kill him. He had orders.

Twice's murder is fucked up, it's heart wrenching, but characterization wise, it's incredible for Hawks, because it's showing him following him through on his dark heroic path, no matter what it takes, but it's also showing him regret it. It's showing Hawks, a hero, do a bad thing for good reasons, it's showing all that depth we love in him.

If you look for it, there's a lot of discussion, about if Twice was too dangerous to capture or not, if Hawks could have done something different or not, if the killing was the right call, and while I have stated my opinions on that.... I feel like that debate is missing the point?

Because the thing is, it's not actually about if this was bad or not. The big thing is how do people react to this?

Because Hawks kills a man. He kills his friend, deliberately, in a pretty damn premeditated way. Does he care? Body Snatcher Hawks doesn't; it was the right choice, the efficient choice, so there's no need to dwell on it, no need to regret, no matter what mouth words he says about it to appease the public.

Does anyone care? The Number Two Hero killed a man in cold blood. This was broadcasted to at least Japan. We get a press conference, Hawks says the right words for a regretful person, with absolutely no apparent emotion, and everyone just... moves on. His colleagues, far more moral than him, don't care. In what would have been a deliciously ironic twist, his morally dubious idol, who he (should have been) doubting for his dark past, but who is trying to reform himself, doesn't reject him for it. The idealistic students don't care. His seemingly amoral handlers don't cut him loose as a liability. The only ones who care are Himiko and the villains, and after the war even she only seems to mind in a distant sense, in way that says, 'They could do that to me, too?', as if she's finally learning that death is a real thing that could happen when you overthrow a government, and doesn't even hold a grudge against the man who did it.

Toga, one of the most emotional people in the setting, with a friend group she can count on her hands, who finally has a sense of belonging, of acceptance, that she's craved her entire life, has her best friend murdered, and that's all she has to say about it?

The problem with Hawks killing Twice isn't that he did it, it's that no one, including Hawks himself or Twice's best friend in the world, or the panicking masses of the sheep that is the public, or the heroes who stand for truth or justice, cared, cared that he did it, cared that he joined the villains for months, cared about anything he had done, because Hori just... didn't want to deal with it. With complex heroes, with deep plot lines, with conflicts that don't have one side as RIght and the other as Wrong. So he threw out everything that would have made that happen, the upset, the horror, and replaced Hawks with someone who didn't have the capacity to be conflicted.

Dabi and Hawks were a glorious piece of foreshadowing and drama.

They're tied together so much, in so many layers because they're literally talking, and Dabi is his handler and connection to the LOV. We don't see much of it, because they only teased at Hawks with the villains, but before he 'joined' they must have talked a lot; there had to have been a connection there.

There's also the fact that, narratively, Hawks and Dabi are foils: Endeavour, indirectly, took Hawks, who was no one special, out of obscurity and into herodom, while directly taking Touya, his own son and thus rich and important, into obscurity and the depths of villainy. Both of them share ties to Endeavour, they symbolize the positive and negative ends of his characterization, have connections to the heroic industry that were dark and hidden from the public.

They don't interact with each other's arcs, like you say, but... you can see they were supposed to. Dabi was Hawk's possible damnation and possible villianfication, he was the symbol of the failure of his greatest hero, he was the one who was suspicious of him since the beginning, and almost stopped his dramatic betrayal and crippling of the PLF.

Until the war ended, the two of them were orbiting around each other, each drawing the other in closer for a collision that was as inevitable as it was going to be explosive.

The confrontation between them, that we were all but promised, was going to be beautiful... until that, like everything else, was abandoned post war for the body snatcher.

At the end of the day, my answer is still the same one as it was in the beginning of this rant: no. All of it, everything he did, all of it has been invalidated by Hori's sudden tonal shift, and unless he pulls off something truly god-like in the next couple of chapters to salvage it, it'll stay that way.

Instead, probably what will happen is Hawks being proved right in his murder by Toga-Twice causing mass havok, without showing any of the depth of the situation, and him coming to some form of peace with the guilt he's totally feeling, that we've never once seen, over what he did, and once and for all leave everything we loved about Hawks behind.

[teabookgremlin]

hello friends here are my official thoughts on yellowjackets 02x02 brought to you by my four pages of notes from last night (spoilers below cut)

ok so breaking this up by starting with what i didn’t like. this is the first episode of yellowjackets where i really had moments where i was pretty unhappy with some choices so i wanna talk about those, why i didn’t like them, and how i wish it had gone

- very upset that jackie said the thing about shauna wishing she was her. like i feel like that is not the direction things were going in! we all know how homoerotic everything between them is and especially given the bit last episode where adult shauna told jeff about her fantasies of him with someone else (jackie). i am holding out hope for ghost jackie coming back and getting the love confession out of her so fingers crossed

- not thrilled with how the taissa confronting shauna about jackie bit went. i think that the makeup being the thing that pushed her over the edge was weird. i think they should’ve gone with what a lot of us were predicting where tai caught shauna kissing and/or eating the corpse and that being what made her be like ok we gotta get rid of this body. i just wanted more fucked up corpse stuff, ya know?

- did not like the random concern for the baby from tai, like idk i just feel like none of them are really focused on it rn and it just wasn’t necessary like she was concerned enough for shauna as a friend

- i didn’t love that there was more focus on travis looking for javi, idk i feel like that time would have been better used otherwise but i’m glad he now has fake closure at least so he stops being so obsessed with finding javi

- the nat/travis sex scene with lottie just there was just ugh. idk i wish the lottie/travis thing wasn’t going so in depth, wish they had chosen one of the other girls to be that figure but i mean watching travis’ descent into lottie’s shit is interesting

- i really wish they had put off the group cannibalism for at least one more episode. i’m bummed that shauna wasn’t the only one to eat jackie and i think some of the others just logically aren’t at the cannibalism point yet? like yes they were kind of trancelike but still idk it felt a little like they just wanted to get it in there so people would stop asking when it was happening

now onto what i liked/just general liveblog style thoughts (which there will probably be more of)

- gotta say the makeup scene was great (should’ve ended in a kiss tho) and i loved jackie encouraging shauna to eat her, the guilt of it in shauna, wish she actually had made the leap though

- ok taivan time! my favorite people to talk about lets go. van chasing after tai when she sleepwalked was great, i wonder if the pit she walked to was The Pit as in Pit Girl Pit but that’s a question for another time. when they get back to the cabin, van suggesting tai get help from lottie was really sweet although van being into lottie’s shit is obviously sowing the seeds of conflict between them. finally the little head kiss and the “i can feel your heartbeat” was so soft i love these girls with my whole being

- liked the snippets of the misty/crystal loser girl friendship in the background cannot wait to see more of them

- adult tai is going through it, i was excited to see the mirror thing start interested to see where the kind of “mirror self” thing goes

- lottie spying on nat since travis died is creepy but also great for the lottienat agenda and her going you’re welcome i think misty and lottie should work together on the keep nat from being self destructive project

- shauna being my poor pathetic little meow meow in the scene where tai calls her out teehee, wish she had put up more of a fight about cremating jackie like just lay on top of her or something girl be crazy just do it

- “so you lied to the cops to be feminist?” this is the season of callie being iconic i feel so bad for her though

- tai hallucinating sammy being at her place was SO interesting i really liked it

- travis going to lottie about the wilderness coming back to haunt him. i wanna know what’s up with that/if the wilderness is haunting the rest of the survivors similarly

- GHOST LAURA LEE THIS IS NOT A DRILL hope we see her again at some point <3

- i do wonder if lottie had more of a hand in travis’ death than she told nat but i do believe her honestly

- mari keeping up her being a cunt and making soup we love to see it!

- i LOVED shauna’s pre lighting jackie on fire speech: “i don’t even know where you end and i begin” YES and her ending it with saying she loves her when jackie’s last thoughts were being loved by shauna i need to lay down. also so appropriate that shauna was the one to light jackie, no one else could’ve done it

- tai and simone’s car crash, i feel like tai is probably gonna put blame on herself bc it was her fault and likely that and the conversation with simone in the car will be what leads to her seeking out van

- alright cannibalism time babey lets go

- “she wants us to”

- i adored the cutting between the like imagined feast and the cannibalism that was super well done and just overall a fantastic scene that will stick with me. also the girls all looked so hot in the feast scene so i am gay about it

- do wish there was more of the cannibalism shown but overall just incredible way to start things off

- also shauna would’ve eaten all of jackie even if the others were like ew no wtf lets be real

- poor coach

[diagonal-queen]

thungo thursday: how the hell did we get here so fast

'dad never even came to pick me up' SAME AYA LMAOO

they really did make the right choice for bram's va. i don't remember his name but all i know is that he's a seasoned anime va, but it like REALLY fits him fr

i'll never get over how much i love this intro you guys like it's so chaotic and colourful and dark and granrodeo is so good and this song especially is so epic and kishow supremacy

OH MY GOD watching chuuya struggle to breathe is like stressing me out so much that i need to pause and take deep breaths of my own lmao

AYO WHY DOES DAZAI LOOK LIKE A CRYPTID LMAOOOO

also i'm so jealous of him being able to cup sigma's cheek while I cannot

dazai and sigma are so weird to me as a ship because most of the ships i like are '[character that is just like me] + [character who i would have a crush on if i knew them]' but i kin both dazai and sigma so it's like watching the two opposite sides of me frolick around and it's so chaotic

sigma, literally drowning: 😰😰😰😰😰 dazai, also drowning: •-•

if i had a nickel for every time dazai stood on sigma's back/shoulders while they were breaking out of prison i'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice

(yes i know i use that meme format a lot NO I WON'T STOP)

WET CAT SIGMA (and no i didn't replay the sounds of him gasping for air, why on earth would you think that)

we have both now <3333333333 thumbs up dazai best dazai

imagine someone asks atsushi how he knew to do things or how he had the mind to move forward and he replies 'the voices' but like he's deadly serious and it actually was the voices

wait dazai literally did that to sigma in prison didn't he shfkjhdhgjkhsk

wait so in the manga sigma can read russian, but in the anime he can't? is bones actively bimbo-ifying characters??? how are we letting this slide

akutagawa doing some goku type shit is the funniest thing ever bro actually said 'SHIAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH'

bones you don't need to remind us all about how much you fucked up akutagawa's death scene ok. his dub va literally predicted that his death would be done poorly and he was RIGHT ABOUT IT

(who would win. gonta and monokuma vs dazai and akutagawa)

if dazai's got a broken leg and losing blood very quickly then why is he grunting and moaning like that huh what's that all about

YEAH GET FUCKED FYODOR LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

fyodor: because of dazai you realised something about yourself sigma...[describes me, dia, in disturbingly accurate detail]

i'm sorry but the gay agenda has warped me into viewing a man putting a gun to the head of a man on his knees not as a serious and threatening crime but as foreplay. this is what the gays are doing to today's youth. way cup america

brams life must suck. imagine life exactly the same except you can't frolick in the sun, smell roses, wear silver jewellery, finger gun yourself in the mirror or eat garlic bread. also the 'lacking a body and personal autonomy' thing but who needs those amirite

OH MY GOD THE GIRL **WAS** BRAM'S DAUGHTER!!!!! IT WAS HIS KID THE WHOLE TIME!!!!! YOU GUYS OH MY GOD/??????!!??!!???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't even feel bad for laughing when fyodor started having his mental breakdown like bro what is that face. is this what nikolai sees every night??? man no wonder he went insane

tfw they fisheye atsushi from afar while he's being stabbed in his vitals

i hope they have a stash of strepsils for atsushi's va in the recording studio

BRO WHY IS FYODOR MOANING TF

yknow that episode when teruko aged tachihara down to a child and he looked rounder and stuff? thats fyodor right now

no but actually imagine being pulled so hard that your leg and arm come off OUCHIES what is it with people and taking atsushi's body parts and like stroking them or whatever. if it were me, the only body part of atsushi's i'd be stroking is his di

fyodor you're a great character but i can't help but notice that you just stabbed my husband and then kicked him in the face. unfortunately you have no choice but for me to ruthlessly kill you dead

so much is happening rn i feel bad for the anime onlys who have to process all this shit within one episode whereas we got several chapters to soak it into our skull sponges

yeah, me too sigma. me too

LMAO DAZAI CALLED CHUUYA A BITCH????? THEY LITERALLY BICKER EVERY TIME THEY INTERACT WHY IS THIS PARTICULAR THING SO FUNNY TO ME

maybe its just cus like 'bitch' is a funny word especially. they can call each other 'ass' and 'bastard' and 'dick' all they want but nothing tops a good 'bitch!!'

hold on bones no. NO. you can't do that. dazai was shot once in the head by chuuya, then he smiles and laments before the scene ends and it's left ambiguous if he dies or not. YOU CAN'T JUST HAVE CHUUYA USING HIS CORPSE AS TARGET PRACTICE

asagiri: i wonder how i should design one order flowey from undertale: asagiri: amazing. brilliant. this will be perfect

well, fuck. im terrified for next week!!

[elvenbeard]

Not me absolutely bingeing through the last 40 hours of Cyberpunk 2077 over the last 3 days, nope. I was actually shaking before starting the final questline, because there were so many FEARS about what might happen at the end (probably as much as V was shaking himself :’D)

All I knew was, there are several endings, some are better, some are worse, but zero specifics. In some regards, what I imagined, was a lot worse, in others it was exactly what I imagined, in other bits it was a lot worse than I expected but in a bittersweet kind of way?

I’m not 100% happy with the ending I got, but mainly due to a lack of hyper-specific dialogue choices I would have wished for during the ideal ending in my head XD But for my V I think it was the best outcome and also fitted him and his choices. So yay! My heart was a little bit cracked, but not ripped out in the way other games have done it with their endings (*side-eyes Mass Effect 3*), because I feel like my choices did matter overall.

MASSIVE Spoilers under the cut, so if you haven’t completed the game yourself, do not read!!!

I got the Sun ending! V lives, somewhat, yay xD

One of my biggest fears and worst case scenarios I was imagining was in relation to Jackie actually. I had the outcome that Arasaka took his body after the Coup (will do that differently next time though, now that I know of the alternatives... yes I read up so much stuff on the wiki tonight after finishing, finally xDD). So when Takemura tells you this, Arasaka took his body, probably put him through Soulkiller, etc. my immediate thought was “holy shit, please don’t let him show up in some evil twisted way during the ending just to have me suffer” (but also, that would have been so good XD). Didn’t happen though, thankfully xD

I was on quite good terms with Johnny actually, which I did not expect to be at all, see also my previous rants on the topic XD Letting him take the wheel scared me probably just as much as V, and his “just talking to Rogue about Adam Smasher” night of escapades didn’t really help ease that anxiety xD I’m not sure if I had high enough friendship for the secret ending, but I will reload my save to try (but will not attempt that ending til my next playthrough, bc admittedly, my V isn’t built for a suicide mission xD)

What made me the saddest about the Sun ending really is that V isn’t really that present or happy (for obvious reasons, of, you know, STILL impeding death), and that his relationship is suffering under it. But I like to imagine, given the slight open-endedness of that ending (ha), if someone can pull that final mission off, it’s V, and that Mr B. will be able to help him, and he’ll get some well deserved rest and happily ever after. Already wrote a whole fic in my head lying up wide awake in bed for three hours XD What I probably loved the most about the Sun ending is V’s penthouse XD It’s weird, I know, but I often started or ended my gaming sessions in his flat looking out of the window. So everytime I booted up the game I look out and see that nice lush garden and cool architecture across the street and think “man, whoever lives there has made it, wonder if I can go there myself at some point later”. Yes, I can!! It made me cry out loud once I figured out where that penthouse was xD Also, what kind of made the ending for me a lot, in terms of, “what fits my character best” was the ride in the AV to the Afterlife mirroring my corpo V’s ride in the AV to Lizzie’s in the very beginning super well (I have zero clues about the Streetkid and Nomad prologues - no spoilers in the comments please! - but maybe there’s a scene like that in those, too). But yes, the circle of life and all, you know *strums guitar*.

I didn’t expect Johnny to grow on me as much as he did during that last stretch of the game, and him having to go for V to get a final chance at living did make me really sad. I still don’t think I’d be able to go down the alternative route where he is the one to walk out of the tower. Waaay too attached to V by now, sorry Johnny xD But you’ll never be forgotten, and I mean in a way legends never die. And maybe it’s not the last Night City ever saw or heard of him.

What else... the other main story characters! I think what annoyed me a little bit was that sliiiight railroading into Panam’s romance, when you’re just wanting to be nice. I enjoy her as a character a lot, because she’s loud and unapologetic, but also has a really sweet and soft side about her. I like the Aldecaldos very much, too. But when I notice I’m being railroaded it’s a hard pass for me, sorry xD

Then Judy... Judy is love, Judy is life. Her final quest was one of my favourites, and the one apart from the ending the quest that made me cry the most, probably. I love that she stays in contact with a befriended V even after leaving the city. The little updates, how happy she is now that she left the city behind, are really really lovely. Also, I love her texting style XD *types one line then hits send, rinse and repeat* - because I tend to do that too. Also, from the moment she mentions she goes diving I wished she’d take V along at some point - so when she calls about it I again screamed irl about it XD Oh, Judy... I have a female V in my head for you, but no idea when I’ll get to play her XD

I would have wished for something similar with River, him keeping in touch a bit more, because I loved his (messed up) storyline a lot, and I would have loved a few more interactions afterwards! I think I need to space it out more next time to have more of him xD

Then Kerry, another heavy case of “is love, is life” omg. His questline was the perfect mix of feels and fun like *chef’s kiss*. Same with River kind of, I wish there had been even more quests with him, but since you only meet him very late in the game it still felt like you had a chance to get to know him better with not too much else going on simultaneously. And him being more involved in the main story than River, too! For his final quest, the beginning of the boat tour was one of the best scenes in the game for me, like oof... Got me really really emotional actually. And then... CARNAGE!! I loved it, love Kerry, 100000/10.

Then Takemura... man, you know, it’s a crime he’s not a romance option, but in hindsight, knowing his possible fates now, I think that might have actually killed me. I’m tempted to go down the Arasaka ending route just once for the sole reason to get more Takemura time really. Fuck everyone else on that path with a corkscrew XD But yes, A+++ character design with him, complex, layered, relatable (esp. for my Corpo V), foodie, but also absolutely blind when it comes to his loyalties and honor. All with good reasons, but aaahhh... let me fix him!! Let me change him!! XDD  Also he had the best first appearance of any of the main story characters imo! Epic badass.

But yes... what a fucking blast that was. Can’t wait for a replay with some slightly better choices here and there, trying the other lifepath quests, trying some different endings maybe, and skilling my V better XD There’s so many options to skill them, it’s insane, but knowing my fighting style (or not fighting - stealth ftw!)  much better now and what the max level roughly is I think I can make more informed choices. Really looking forward to a replay - also with a lot less anxiety now, and a little bit of faith in complex, bittersweet endings finally restored XD

[localplaguenurse]

Just ignore the smoke and smile

Hey, so I'm trying out some OC stuff here, as well as darker content, so yeah. I don't know how regular this will be, I'm just throwing this out here to experiment. If you do not feel comfortable reading for one reason or another, I'd just skip this post.

Warnings before you proceed: mentions of self harm, referenced past sexual assault and domestic abuse, discussions of addiction. No specific scenes are described, and it actually has a lighthearted end, but it may still be uncomfortable to read. With that in mind either proceed with caution or just don't read. I'm not your mom, I can't tell you what you can or can't read. Do let me know if I missed a tag but I'm pretty sure I got everything covered.

It’s peeking around the bathroom doorway this time.

When I look up from the sink after washing my hands, I see my face in the mirror. I don’t see it, but I feel it watching me. It’s been watching me for god knows how long. It was easy to ignore when I was younger, when I was some hotshot rockstar sex god dipshit who pretended not to know any better. I tell myself I didn’t, but that looming figure tells me I did, that I should have known better and now I’m stuck with the consequences of my actions.

You missed your wrist.

There’s still a little leftover lavender soap on my arm. I run it under the cold water, rubbing it off with my calloused finger and feeling the bumps of old scars under the tattooed skin. I turn the faucet off, and I stare at my arm for a moment. I read what is written there. “Be my reminder here that I am not alone.”

Which was more uncomfortable for him to do? This one, or the head of Medusa on your shoulder, where she liked to stub out her cigarettes?

I yawn a little. Alice has been sick for a few days now, and has been very fussy as a result. We were going to have a little get together for her first birthday, but I don’t really want to make her go through all the commotion while she’s this miserable. We’ll do something small for her today, and when she’s better, we’ll get everyone together. Mom will be really happy to see her.

Has your mom seen that tattoo? She likes to look at tiktok every now and again. It’s mostly animal crossing, but since your husband is a tattoo artist, she probably gets tattoo tiktoks.

I turn around to dry my hands. It’s still behind me.

Do you think she’s seen the Medusa tiktoks? Do you think she wonders? That she worries?

I turn back to the mirror. My hair’s getting really long again, and I’m going to have to get it bleached back to white soon. I brush my bangs out of my face, and I see the silvery scarring next to my eye. A sexy little battle scar to go with these pretty green eyes of mine.

Sure, package it like that. If it makes you forget how that pretty smoker you loved so much smashed that cup into your face, go for it. 

Why are you here?

I’m always here.

No, why are you here?

Like I said, I’m always here. You’re stuck with me, that’s the deal. 

I never made any deals.

You did when you wanted to be a “better man.” You want to cut back on the drinking and the drugs? You do know you did all that to forget what happened, right?

The only reason that happened was because I was an addict. 

Right. Do you remember how she used to bribe you with that shit? I mean, you were doing it before you even met her, but she had you wrapped around her finger when she had coke on her.

I shake my head and look for the hairbrush. It’s usually on the counter. Where is it?

Do you think your fans believed you when you talked about how you used to get nosebleeds all the time in high school? Your friends sure as fuck didn’t. It is weird that instead of calling you out, they memorized how to use narcan. 

Wait, Oli might have left the brush in the bedroom.

Actually, it’s pretty fucked up how much they either ignored or completely missed. Not even just the obvious addiction problems, but just… everything about her, and how you acted around her.

I step out of the bathroom, flicking off the light as I do. I head for our bedroom next door. It’s a little messy right now, but the exhaustion of fatherhood will do that to you. I really should gather up the dirty laundry while I’m in here, even if I don’t find the brush.

She was a massive bitch, but you were thinking with your dick like you always do. Apparently that’s all she cared about. That and getting you fucking hammered on the regular. I’d ask if you remember that, but I know you don’t. 

Oh, it’s on the nightstand on Oli’s side. I step forward around the bed, stepping over a stray pair of jeans to get to the brush. Oli must have used it to brush his hair while I was in the shower last night, and forgot to put it back. 

It’s always right behind me. It’s breathing down my neck, and whispering in my ear. Sometimes it’s my voice, and sometimes it’s hers. Sometimes it’s just a voice, belonging to no one in particular.

It eats away at you, not knowing what happened to you. She knows something about you that you don’t. Still, you hate thinking about what you do remember, right?

I make quick work of brushing my hair. Once it’s silky smooth, I set the brush down on the table again. I bend over to pick the stray clothes up off the floor. I don’t need my husband tripping and busting his good leg, and laundry day is coming up soon.

You’re still in pain, no matter how much you pretend you aren’t. At least you could forget the world existed when you were drunk or high. At least you were only hurting yourself. Why did you give all of that up if you were going to spend the rest of your life thinking about it?

I stop when I see a little creature waddle in through the open door. She looks at me with big green eyes and smiles. She sticks her hands out as she makes her way towards me. “Up! Up!”

I set the clothes in my arms down on the bed, crouch down, and scoop her up into my arms. “Hey sweetie,” I coo, “is papa making you breakfast right now?”

“Dada up.”

“Yes, I’ve got you.” I kiss one of her chubby cheeks. “Come on, let’s go say hi to papa.”

When I carry my daughter towards the bedroom door, I still feel it staring me down, but at a distance. Once I step into the hallway and turn the corner, it’s no longer watching me like a hawk. It’s still somewhere behind me, but it always is, and I’m used to that. I don’t plan on letting it fuck up my daughter’s birthday, either, so it can stay there in the corner like a loser if it wants to. It wasn’t even invited anyways.

I yawn again, and I smell pancakes cooking in the kitchen. I’ve had my fill of misery today, it’s time to actually get on with the day now.

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC Review: One Cursed Rose by Rebecca Zanetti

3/5. Releases 6/25/24.

Heat Index: 8/10

Vibes: dark romance, fantasy x Black Mirror, stalker/virgin, dudes who speak Gaelic (if that's your thing)

Alana, heiress to a social media giant (in a word where tech and magic collide) is being forced to marry the heir to a competing family. That's derailed by an assassination attempt... and Alana being kidnapped by Thorn, head of a rival company. Obsessed with Alana, Thorn refuses to let her go. What he doesn't know is that she has no plans to submit; but she'll welcome the pleasure he offers.

So... yeah. I have really mixed feelings on this one, and I want to add a few caveats. First, I think there is an an audience for this. I'm just not that audience. Second, I think that Rebecca Zanetti has a style that for sure fits the fast, snappy pacing you want from a dark romance. And the sex scenes (while I have a quibble) are hot. I enjoyed how this went full camp in terms of the kidnapping, and there were some really cool touches.

However, this one has a LOT of world stuff happening. The world is run by social media! I mean, timeline. The social media is run on crystals! Kinda meta, I can see it. But there are mafia vibes, and a subplot about like, Thorn killing bad guys including pedophiles, and I think this suffered from Zanetti having to keep too many balls in the air at one time. If this had been a couple of those things versus all of those things, I think we could've focused more on the couple, and really developed the good things there.

Quick Takes:

--This actually got off to a good start for me! Thorn is a stalker. I love a stalker hero. (By the way: Zanetti offers content warnings at the beginning of the book; I did not take issue with any of them myself, and they do not impact my view of this book.) And you know what? I loved that he kinda stayed a creep. Thorn? Was weird as hell. We just went with it.

I do wish that Thorn hadn't been like... so hypercompetent with Alana, and so self-aware. When a hero's inner monologue in first person is like "I'm a sociopath, I guess"... it just feels very... edgy. It's not that I'm against a sociopathic or psychopathic hero. I just feel like that kind of awareness and acknowledgment is tough to sell in the first person. Maybe through dialogue? Not through the inner monologue.

--Alana is a nice heroine, but I don't think she was nearly as distinct as Thorn. A major part of Alana's personality seemed to be responding to Thorn and being a virgin. (More on that later.) I think that for me, a lot of the issue was that she really responded to him sexually far too early in the book, while at the same time being so inexperienced.

Now... I'll acknowledge that the "virgin jumps into shit after being kidnapped" thing has worked for me in a couple of books. However, it is a HARD sell, and it's a harder sell when a heroine is as inexperienced as Alana seems to be (I didn't get the vibe that she was a totally inexperienced woman, but I also didn't get the sense that she was an "everything but" girl, the way one virgin heroine who worked for me in this scenario was). She just moves REALLY fast on accepting Thorn and the type of sex he wanted to have. The sex he wants to have isn't crazy, but it's a lot for a girl on Alana's experience level.

--Now, the world here is interesting and high stakes. But again, I think there was just too much going on. I never really got what the magic system... was. And I kind of couldn't help but feel like Zanetti wanted to write a mafia romance (this read in a lot of ways as a mafia romance) but also wanted to connect it to fantasy and a higher concept. It's not a bad idea, and I can always appreciate a big swing. It just didn't really work for me.

--This is a very clear Beauty and the Beast retelling. I love that. But there is a character named Coggsworth here. I've gotta tell y'all: it is kind of a pet peeve of mine for retellings to directly reference Disney, versus doing a new spin based entirely on the actual fairy tale. It just takes me out of the story, and it definitely did here.

--Thorn has Lexical-gustatory synesthesia. It basically means that he tastes voices, and I REALLY liked that. It was unique, it added texture (he chews mints a lot when he's around shitty people because their voices taste bad, Alana's voice tastes like honey which also adds to why he wants to do Certain Things) and I haven't read it before. Do I know if Zanetti portrayed it accurately? I don't know. But in terms of the way it was portrayed, it was really interesting.

The Sex:

The sex was hot. I wouldn't say it's intense BDSM, but there's definitely flavor there--you have edging, orgasm denial, lots of spanking (and I did appreciate that Thorn used lotion to try to prevent bruising, I don't know that it was effective but the boy tried) and some rough sex with light dubcon vibes. It's well-written, and I won't lie, the sex scenes were probably my favorite part of the book.

What I did struggle with was the fact that this was set in a world pretty much like ours but with magical social media stuff... and there was SO much emphasis on the hymen. Like, I kind of let it pass when it was a part of this virginity test situation mentioned by the bad guys. But then Thorn continued to reference it, there was an anatomical reference during the first penetrative sex scene... I don't know. I don't mind some virginity fetishization, especially in dark romance, but the emphasis on the hymen SPECIFICALLY felt kind of dated. Couldn't he have just talked about her tight pussy or whatever?

Anyway--this wasn't for me, but I do plan on trying more Rebecca Zanetti stuff. She came highly recommended to me, I can tell she's talented, and I'd like to see a less crammed plot or world from her.

Thanks to NetGalley and Kensington for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[violettierre]

Oh wait ykw this whole barbie movie talk makes me remember the barbie centered stuff in my life hold up i gotta rant this.

Honestly i think all my peers or whoever grew up between early 2000s or late 90s knows the absolute power of barbie toys in that era, personally i had a wild history with em when i was like still in elementary school and my parents get me a barbie doll i just feel like a high class coolest kid in town and yet i also had this weird urge where within 24h that barbie or gonna be stripped and cut with scissors all limps cut to cubes and beheaded and i just take her head and clothes and throw the rest near my parents' mirror desk and that place around that time is where you find the gruesome crime scenes i commit on barbie dolls and then have to beg my parents to get me another one but i get yelled at for the wasted money and then cry and rant about the cruel world in my fairy notebook, but then once again wgen we go out and i see barbie dolls i have to male an entire speech and promise to my mom that i won't practice my serial killer career on it and she gets me one and again within 24h the remaining of another victim is found nesr their mirror desk beheaded and stripped and cut into pieces, and repeat the process, but you may wonder, what was i doing with the head and clothes ? First i cut her hair and then diy my very own aesthetic pencils from 2000s if anyone remembers those colorful pebcils with something on top of it like a heart ir a unicorn while i put barbie heads on regular pencils to act cool infront of my classmates who were too weirded out to make a remark and so did the teachers, meanwhile the clothes i collect i just cut them from different colors into cubes that were messy and out of line and then like glue each one into a string yk like these carnival decorations but very ugly and short and cheap version and hang them on top of my bed, cuz i thought i did something, but my childhood room was like really plain it had nothing colourful or toys in it just like a desk with school items and messy clothes and these normie stuff so back then when i added shit like that i thought i just decorated the coolest room you've ever been into, until my mom ripped it off cuz it was ugly and i had a mental breakdown and felt as if she just ruined my very own special career that i had just came up with and was like "YOU'RE JEALOUS OF ME" bit then i got a good beating with the special arab mom silicone slippers for talking back to my mom, so yah then the creativity dyi era was over. Psycho barbie fan era never was tho, cuz in the 2000s if you didn't have barbie or hello kitty or these merchandise stuff on in my school you're a loser and i didn't want anyone else to find out im a loser so i beg my mom once again to buy me any pink shit i see and after begging and crying and getting beaten with slippers for being noisy i just show up at lunch breaks in outdoors time as if im a celebrity trying to impress the crowd with my latest pink hair clip that costed me my dignity infront of my mom, my little brother, and the seller while no one gave a fuck so i got angry and punched my neighbor in the nose for ignoring me showing off my hairclip so she told her mom, and her mom told my mom, and i got another goid beaten.

You'd think i stopped as i got a little older but nooooooo, when i was pre-teen i was more babyish than before about these stuff, why ? Cuz they got a little sister more barbie toys than me cuz she never pull a dr. Frankenstein on them (what a loser) so like the older and more mature child i fool her to watch tv or something so i can play silently with her barbies, and in that time they got her the dreamhouse and all these extra mini barbie stuff that i never got for being such a good kid so i get jealous and lock her out if her room to play with them, then take a doll hostage to threaten her if she tries to snitch on me, like the good older sister i am <3 (she still snitched btw and i deserved the beating that time)