#We are silly tn LOL

[dbphantom]

Every time I open my fic document I forget I added this and I lose my shit all over again

[nervocat]

DUDE I WORKED MY ASS OFF TODAY LIKE PLAYING TIL MY PHONE IS SO LAGGY AND HOT AND MY BATTERH IS SO LOW…NOW LOOK WHO WANNA PLAY WITH ME🙁🙁👎👎👎

ARLECCHINO’S WEAPON LEAVES TUESDAY DUDE..IM NOT MAKING IT WHY LYNEY GORTA RUIN ITTTT atp im going for clorinde or whoever is going to be upcoming drip market 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

I planned to answer this when I got home from hunting but I got bored and here I am in the blind looking for Turkeys HAHA (we might've already fucked up. I swear I have the worst luck of all time no joke)

But anyways I get how you feel 💔💔 that's so unfortunate tho dude like 😭😭 I wish you luck 🫡🫡

[420crematorium]

void

[zemnarihah]

i understand the meaning of life

im going to the goth club finally

[mrs-gauche]

So, I had planned to write a comment on the three published synopses of the upcoming comic series "The Missing" (first volume to release on January 25th btw!), but since @felassan​​ kinda beat me to it and already wrote amazingly detailed posts summing up everything and elaborating further on what I fail to put into words lol, I'm just gonna add my pointless ramblings poor two cents to it now, I guess. 😶

(Beware also of spoilers for Tevinter Nights, Absolution and the comics under the cut!)

(Thanks Dark Horse btw, for already giving away half the plot with these, jeez 😂)

First off, when I first read the second synopsis, not gonna lie, I was genuinely surprised that Solas turned out to be the "former friend" in question. 😂 I know, it was kinda the obvious answer, but maybe that's why I wasn't really expecting it? I think the title also lead me a little astray here? Assuming that the title is actually referring to Solas.. Given the circumstances, referring to Solas as "missing" would be.. pretty funny and also more than a litte strange to me, actually? lol It would definitely raise a few questions here...

So, let us assume that the theory about the eight year timeskip since Trespasser turns out to be true. Have they (the Inquisition) been searching for Solas this entire time? And if that's the case, why is that so funny to me? 😂 (Especially considering the whole ending of Tevinter Nights, even though we can't really tell when exactly that last chaper took place.. Imagine they've been searching for him for the better part of a decade, and then he just pops up with a silly wig and a fake french accent at some tea house one day. lmaoo)

Furthermore, why is it *only* Varric and Harding that seem to be conducting this search? You would think that for something as crucial as finding the person that announced to destroy the world, there would be a few more people on this search than that? lol So, what's the rest of the remains of the Inquisition doing then? Are there several teams searching in different places maybe? To expand this search as far as possible? Maybe they're trying to keep a low profile by searching in teams of two, since it would reduce the risk of Solas finding out about what they're up to? I mean, wasn't that the whole reason for why they even said they needed to "find someone Solas doesn't know"/never sees coming at the end of Trespasser, to try and keep him in the dark about any efforts against him?

Also, speaking of Varric. Assuming that this story takes place after Absolution now, the ending of the series could explain why Varric left Kirkwall and his position as Viscount? Maybe, aside from trying to stop the obvious threat/end of the world, they are now desperate to seek help/information/any answers from Solas on what to do against the corruption of the Blight and the red lyrium spread? (Because if there's *anyone* who would know something, it's him right?) What does the state of the world look like in regards to the Blight and red lyrium in general after a potential eight year timeskip?

Okay, so why would they be searching for Solas in the Deep Roads beneath Marnas Pell then? Honestly, when I read this the first time, my mind (as always lol) immediately went back to the red lyrium idol again. And no, I still don't believe that a single thing about the Bard's tale in Tevinter Nights actually happened (but that's just me). lol So, assuming this happens after the end of TN (and Solas isn’t already in possession of the idol like he claimed), he would still be searching for that flippin thing now, wherever it may be. (How could the idol end up in the Deep Roads beneath Tevinter you ask? No idea. 😂) But I also can't forget about the ominous "Hunt of the Fell Wolf" poem from the Jaws of Hakkon DLC that talks of a demon wolf (Solas?) in a "labyrinth of winding cave" (Deep Roads?) where there's an "idol that could prove the monster’s doom"(!! Coincidence?? I think NOT! lmao).

Btw, wouldn’t it be kinda funny though if Solas was searching for the idol now, while Varric who found the idol with Hawke in the first place, is now searching for Solas? lol

So, what's the plan here exactly? Assuming they would be successful, in which case Varric and Harding find Solas and then.... what? You're telling me Varric and Harding are gonna tie him up and talk him out of his endeavors? 😂 Single-handedly kill him? Torture him with tea? Spy on him? Reminisce about the Inquisition days? lol I honestly think it's more likely that they would try to talk to him, being former friends and all, unless they have some type of super secret weapon against him that we don't know about yet.

So what *would* Solas be doing in the Deep Roads beneath Marnas Pell? (Besides, you know, painting yet another teaser trailer thumbnail for YouTube. lol)

(Our man has been procrastinating hard for the past eight years, painting as many Deep Roads cave walls as possible to avoid going through with his plans. lmao)

It's also worth to remember that a lot of Tevinter was actually build on the ruins of old Elvhenan, which could explain why there are still places with names like "Solas" to be found on the map. (And btw, what is it about this place that lead to it getting this name, anyway? I mean, that name practically guarantees for this place to become relevant in some form down the line in DA4, right? Especially since Solas' line about how he supposedly came from a "small village to the north" won't ever leave my mind and we all know that this man is always telling at least half the truth, so.. could he have been referring to the place literally called Solas, if that's his place of origin or would that be too much on the nose? 😂) Anyway, it definitely raises the question on how old some of these Deep Roads beneath Tevinter actually are and if there could be structures found beneath it that even precede them (like what we saw in The Descent)? And maybe that's part of the reason why Solas would go there..?

Anyway, since none of this actually seems to matter now, because as it turns out in synopsis two, apparently Solas wasn't there after all. 😂 Next stop is Vyrantium and an encounter with "deadly Antivan Crow assassins", which is interesting, since the last we heard of Vyrantium and crows, it was in the "The Wigmaker Job" in TN. Additionally, the cover of volume two features two characters that kinda look like the crows Teia and Viago!

I'll be honest, I had completely forgotten that Teia and Viago even made an appearance in Deception. lol But the look does kinda match? So the question is, what lead Varric and Harding to go from the Deep Roads to Vyrantium and then to the Arlathan Forest?

So, the Arlathan Forest. Again, please check out felassan’s post for more information, they’ve done a fantastic job to write down every important bit to know here. Much like Teia and Viago, it was also featured in both TN and one of the short stories “Ruins of Reality”. As were the characters Strife and Irelin! Could they be the mysterious “Veil Jumpers”? What even is a Veil Jumper, anyway (felassan gave some pretty cool speculations on this!)?

Former DA4 Creative Director Matthew Goldman made an interesting comment on a fanart once, that lead people to speculate that the group of people we've seen in a lot of concept art are called “Veilfire archer”?

..Which does sound to be in the same vein as Veil Jumper, so could they all be part of the same group of people/an entirely new faction even?

(Notice also the recurring background with the golden/autumn leaves. Reminds me of the leaves and branches seen on the (now removed) vinyl cover (showing the Black City *cough* Arlathan *cough*??).)

And lastly, what is this "crucious stone" and how does it relate to literally anything? lol While felassan did speculate about a potential link to Latin/Tevene, someone else pointed out that "crucious" is literally Greek for "crucial". So.. plot crucial stone? lol As in, literally another MacGuffin? (Red lyrium idol, you're getting competition lol) The fact that it's Greek is interesting to me, given that we've been speculating for a while now that BioWare seems to take a lot of inspiration from Greek mythology for anything regarding the ancient elves. 👀 And since we *are* in the *Arlathan* forest here after all, maybe that's where the connection lies..?

People have also pointed out that, based on the track Varric and Harding have been taking so far, first Marnas Pell, then Vyrantium and now the Arlathan Forest...

...assuming that, if they were to go further east, they would end up at the White Spire, which is why some people assume that this is where Solas has to be now. lol

I mean, anything is possible! We know next to nothing about the White Spire (not to be confused with the White Spire in Orlais btw lol), other than it's an Antivan mountain north of the city of Brynnlaw, so there is really nothing else to go on as to why Solas would even be there.. But considering how they are marketing this comic as a direct tie-in for DA4 and there’s still one volume to go (I think?).. Maybe we do end up knowing where Solas is at the end of this comic and this will segue directly into the beginning of DA4 somehow?

(I also want to mention that Rivain is also right next to the White Spire when going even further east. Rivain being also where the main base of a certain guild of treasure hunters is located. Lord of Fortune has been a very popular candidate for the potential next protagonist for a while now. Just saying... 👀)

[meowzfordayz]

(I’m sorry I forget if I’ve ever sent you anything directly 😅)

If not Hi Hi!! ☺️

Because you just posted the “accidental breast touching” headcannons I feel the need to share this story:

This morning Hubby and I were grocery shopping, and he was pushing the cart. So like his elbow was up at a weird angle. I was looking to the side and walking, as one does when shopping and looking for something they need. I didn’t realize he stopped walking and I walked right into his elbow. I immediately, “Why did you elbow my boob?!?” Followed by him scoffing, “what?!? Why did you boob my elbow?!?”

We laughed it off because I am generally a klutz and we generally blame each other for harmless things like that. But I immediately thought of your headcannons post and felt the need to share ☺️

Anyways, hope you’re doing well and resting and saying hydrated and all those good things ✨

Hiya bby. 😁 Thanks so much for sharing your adorable story (and for reading hashira accidentally touch your chest)❣️ I love silly, love filled moments, and knowing you get to experience them makes me happy. ����

My bf and I do the same thing anytime we unintentionally bump/nudge each other lol. "Hey! You tripped me!" and then, "Nooo, my foot was already there! You stepped on me!" 😝

I've got my MRI tn, so fingers crossed my acl's intact. 🥴 I'm not super hopeful (surgery in the spring after I graduate's likely in my future ☹️), but you don't know until you know. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sending you more silly, love filled moments and brand new Sharpie vibes !! 🤗

[funkin-news]

there's some silly little messages on the vinyl stuff for anyone interested lol (full pics under the readmore, + transcriptions in case you struggle reading em lol)

NEEDLEJUICE RECORDS, LLC. 1420 DONELSON PIKE, SUITE A5, NASHVILLE, TN 37217. ©2022 THE FUNKIN' CREW UNDER EXCLUSIVE LICENSE TO NEEDLEJUICE RECORDS, LLC. UNAUTHORIZED DUPLICATION IS PROHIBITED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. I MEAN LIKE FOR REAL I BETTER NOT SEE SOME SHITTY BOOTLEGS OF THIS YOU BITCHES ALREADY MAKIN THOSE UGLY BALD ASS DOLLS NON STOP JUST BE COOL FOR ONCE, OKAY?

NEEDLEJUICE RECORDS, LLC. 1420 DONELSON PIKE, SUITE A5, NASHVILLE, TN 37217. ©2022 THE FUNKIN' CREW UNDER EXCLUSIVE LICENSE TO NEEDLEJUICE RECORDS, LLC. UNAUTHORIZED DUPLICATION IS PROHIBITED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. KINDA LIKE HOW YOU RESERVED THIS A YEAR AGO OR SOMETHING N YOU'RE JUST GETTING IT NOW, HAHAHAHA, AAAAHHHH.. HEH... EHH... ALRIGHT LISTEN MAKING GAMES TAKES TIME OKAY SORRY. ALSO IF YOU'RE READING THIS AND DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THIS MEANS THEN YOU'RE PROBABLY A SCALPER SO FUCK YOU ANYWAY. THIS IS THE LEGIT KICKSTARTER ONLY EDITION, BABY, READ IT N WHEEP!

©2022 The Funkin' Crew Inc. under exclusive license to Needlejuice Records, LLC. All rights reserved. If you don't understand what this says, then the brain inside your skull is busted af, and if you DO understand what this says and choose to ignore it, from this day forward your parents will regret they ever had big naked sex and created someone as stupid as you.

2022 The Funkin' Crew Inc. under exclusive license to Needlejuice Records, LLC. All rights reserved, understood? Like, it ain't difficult man, don't sell these records under some fake bullshit name like 'fat nuts studios' we will cry. And then sue your ass, lol

[tasyoungreckless]

may these memories break our fall. – Nashville secret sessions story

“Is that Kara?” she asked loudly over the music as she grabbed my hands and twirled me around. I was stumbling on the pillows below my feet but grasped her hands so tight. All I could do was aggressively nod and hope she couldn’t see the tears forming in my eyes in the dark, candle-lit room.

I have read dozens, if not hundreds of Taylor meet and greet stories. I have cried out of love for her and happiness for my friends and sadness that it wasn’t me. I have felt so close to meeting her and insanely disappointed when it didn’t happen. But the feeling I had on October 25? The feeling like my dreams were coming true but that I was also maybe going to pass out? That feeling was worth it. It was worth everything to me. So, here’s my story. It’s been a long time in the making. (I’m leaving out the stuff from before because it was just getting so long, but I got my message on tumblr from TN on Saturday and my call on Sunday. i bought flights Monday and my mom insisted on flying from DC and meeting me there to make sure it was all legit, even though she couldn’t come with).

OKAY SO once we got to the secret spot, I saw people I recognized and made lots of friends waiting (hi everyone!!!) We got checked in, did security all that jazz. We finally got to her house and mingled outside and ate. There were chick-fil-a nuggets (which is so funny because a few months ago I messaged Taylor to come to my Fourth of July party and all I said was “Come to my party. We will have chick fil a nuggets” LOL. on brand) and sushi and the REP cookies and M&Ms. Not a lot of people were eating much but you BET YOUR ASS i was chowing down. 

They let us into the room where we would listen to the album and I got a spot slightly to the left of where Taylor would be sitting. The floor was just covered in blankets and pillows and it looked like a huge slumber party was about to go down. 

Before we knew it, Taylor walked in with Abigail and of course we all lost it. I think you have all seen what they were wearing by now, but god they looked like angels. Taylor looked exactly like I imagined and yet so different too. It is such a strange feeling seeing someone you have always seen in pictures in real life. Someone you see virtually every single day. I teared up because I just was so so excited and felt like it wasn’t real life. 

So obviously y’all know what is next and that is she played us all of reputation. The album blew me away. It’s not like I was surprised, because I knew it would be good, but like it was just SO good?! And so cool to watch Taylor and Abi, Tree, Andrea and Scott singing along and doing these little dances. All of us were just JAMMING on the floor listening along.

I thought it was really incredible how Taylor made eye contact with every single person in that room. Every single one. Multiple times. It didn’t matter where you were sitting. She looked at you and sang to you and smiled so big. I love her. 

It was when we got to Look What You Made Me Do that she decided we could have a little dance party to shake out our legs and take a break. Someone dimmed the lights and since we all knew this song, we were able to just sing (scream?) the lyrics together with our idol dancing along our side, which was a dream. She was towards the middle of the room, so I made my way over there to dance near her. 

Before I knew it, she reached out to grab my hands and looked me dead in the eye. “Is that Kara?” she asked me, trying to get closer to see my face. It was like a million butterflies were released in my stomach at once. I was in shock. I was so happy. But I was speechless. I nodded and we danced to the bridge. It was literally at the “I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams” part, which was my tumblr bio. SO ON BRAND. SO PERFECT.

So we heard the rest of the songs and they continued to blow us away. Before long, we had finished the album. She was so honest with us about each song and I absolutely love her for that. She trusts us so much it is unreal. And y’all are not prepared for how good this album is. i CANNOT WAIT

OKAY OKAY NOW THE FUN MEETING HER PART

At first they called a few people by name to go first, but then they let everyone else just go whenever they wanted. A bunch of people seemed to want to wait until the end, but I knew my nerves would only get worse. I watched her meet some people from the corner, which was so incredible. It is honestly almost as exciting as meeting her yourself. You get to watch how she interacts with each person and takes her time. She also looks them dead in the eye and listens so intently. She never rushed anyone. It was beautiful.

OKAY SO FAST FOWARD TO MY TURN HERE WE GO

“Kara!!! Oh my god I’m so happy you’re here!” she said as she quickly walked toward me with her arms outstretched. I hugged her so tight trying to keep the tears back.

“Thank you SO much for coming!”

“Are you kidding, thank you so much for having me!”

We pulled away from the hug and I was looking right in her eyes, slightly looking up because she’s so tall. She said something along the lines of “I’m so glad we are finally meeting. You’re so lovely!” and I just sort of laughed and said “Oh my god Taylor, my mom isn’t going to believe you said that” (referring to her knowing my name and such).

“But you are Kara! You’re so lovely and sweet. Like you’re amazing, tell her I said that!”

oKAY SO YOU KNOW IM DYING ON THE INSIDE BUT TRYING TO STAY COMPOSED. MY LEGS WERE SORTA SHAKING BUT I WAS DOING BETTER THAN EXPECTED. 

I tried to keep myself together and tell her how much I loved reputation and just said “Taylor, the album is amazing” and she smiled, but she looked a bit distracted as she was looking at me and sort of interrupted and just said “Kara you’re even more beautiful in person. Like you are so naturally beautiful! Like you aren’t even wearing makeup and you’re so pretty?!”

excuse me WHAT. In my head I’m laughing as I know I’m definitely wearing makeup but that a lot of it came off when I cried earlier and that I don’t wear all that much in general but like WHAT I WAS SO SHOOK LIKE SHE CALLED ME BEAUTIFUL ??? THE FUCK 

All that I could muster up was a “Oh my God” and “thank you so much” as I wrapped my arms around her neck again and she pulled me in for a hug (and yes she smells so good like a vanilla goddess).

So after she SHOWERED me with compliments that my poor heart couldn’t handle, I knew I had a few things I could talk about with her. I told her about studying abroad in London last semester and she asked what school. I explained my program through my home university and told her about how I interned in SoHo. I joked because I told her I knew she was there at the same time, supposedly undercover, and said that we probably ran into each other on Oxford Street. She said how amazing it was that I had that opportunity. We talked about other places I traveled and I mentioned going to the Canary Islands for spring break and said “how casual” and she laughed and nodded. I just said how much I loved London and that city life. She said something along the lines of “That is soooo amazing. You’re getting to see the world and have these opportunities! I’m so excited to see all you do, Kara. I’m so proud of you!” she said, giggling.

....this woman....is proud of ME....im proud of YOU you queen WHAT 

I think I said “thank you so much for saying that” and hugged her again. I needed a second to think of the next thing to talk about so I asked her if we could take our picture. She said of course and pointed to the mantle behind us that had Grammys and Moonmen and a bunch of her awards on it. “Do we want to hold a Grammy or something?”, but I hesitated and said “well..” and she asked “or did you have a pose in mind?” and I just said “Can we just act we’re best friends having the night of our lives because that’s basically how I feel right now” and she smiled and said “of course!”

So we turned towards the camera, which was probably the only time I looked away from her during our entire time together, and we hugged super tight and I smiled bigger than I probably ever have before. I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE IT BUT IM NERVOUS 

She turned back to me and I still had a few more things to say and ask. Something I thought about during the session was just a silly question for her. “So I’m in college and like I just need to know what’s your favorite drinking game?” and she laughs and says “Oh God, my favorite drinking game?!” as she turned away to think about it. “Well I will play any of them and I love playing them…and I sorta think that’s the problem…” and she smirked at me. I NEED TO GET DRUNK WITH TAYLOR SWIFT ONE DAY OKAY LIKE WHAT 

I was feeling like my time was running out so I hugged her again and she said “It’s so cool meeting you. Like I sort of feel like I’m just your older sister…just like stalking you on the internet” and my jaw kind of dropped. “I love seeing your life online and I’m sure we will talk there!” and I just said “That means so much to me. Thank you so so much” and we hugged again.

“I’ll see you on tour and of course online,” I said. She smiled and said goodbye and that it was nice to meet me. I turned to leave and looked behind my shoulder and just said, “love you!”

It was the most surreal experience ever. I think i blacked out like i can barely remember it anymore, but wow it was so amazing and the fact that she KNEW ME AND RECOGNIZED ME made it even more incredible ? i never expected that in a hundred million years. 

AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF SHE STALKED ME AFTER AND LIKED SIX OF MY POSTS ABOUT THAT NIGHT INCLUDING DANCING WITH ME AND RECOGNIZING ME. LIEK WHAT THE FUCK SHES SO INCREDIBLE AND I FEEL SO SO LUCKY. PLEASE DONT GIVE UP YALL I NEVER EVER SAW THIS COMING

From the bottom of my heart, thank you Taylor and thank you Taylor Nation. I didn’t think things like this could just happen to people like me ? I’ve never felt that special or deserving of things like this, but you’ve proved that we all deserve this opportunity. I love you so so SO much. I’m still not sure how it happened, but oh my god am I glad it did. I will never forget this as long as I live. 

See you on tour and online, big sister. 

[swiftontumblin310]

So I went on a straight up tirade over the summer about the cardigan and the logo on the merch. And why the cardigan we were able to buy had the folklore patch on the chest instead of the taylor swift logo on the bottom. I was SO pissed about it and still low key am. I spent the money and bought it during the folklore merch, waited 3 months, got it on 11/2 and NOW TN sells the cardigan with the taylor swift logo on the bottom. Like girl, if I knew that, I would have waited. WHY couldn’t you have just done that all along?! I feel like this is a really silly thing to be annoyed with, but I’m very salty about it lol I just think the giant folklore patch on the chest of the cardigan just takes away from the style of it and that’s all I’m sayin’

[bridges-you-cross]

Shi Yi Lu - 1st Story: Wánkù (纨绔; Rich Spoiled Kid) - Qiao Shiqi

Ever since I heard that Xia Da was going to write Shi Yi Lu, I’d planned on doing the summary translation and discussion for it like I did for CGX. That said, I can’t promise I’ll be doing this for all of them, but I’ll certainly try my best.

On another note, does anyone know of a way to download from kuaikanmanhua? The comic strips that Xia Da uploaded on her blog are not the best quality, and I want to keep these beautiful color pages around.

Alright, I’m done talking for now. Here goes.

Shi Yi Lu - 1st Story: Wánkù (纨绔; Rich Spoiled Kid) - Qiao Shiqi

The story begins with an introduction page.

At the end of the Sui dynasty, Emperor Gaozu of Tang Li Yuan rebelled from Taiyuan, naming the era Wude.

Eighth year of Wude, the country began to settle.

The emperor’s eldest son Li Jiancheng was calm and prudent, had long been established as the Crown Prince; second son Prince of Qin Li Shimin was brave and skilled, his prestige in the army was quite high.

The emperor was very close to the Crown Prince, more than half of the political affairs were given to him to handle; the emperor also relied heavily upon Prince of Qin, there were legends of the emperor privately promising Prince of Qin the title of Crown Prince several times before he set off on his military expeditions.

His Majesty’s thoughts were difficult to predict, the court officials’ and aristocrats’ attitudes were also becoming subtle.

In September of the Eighth year of Wude, beneath the clear and cloudless sky of Chang’an City, the undercurrent began to surge and the storm started arriving.

On the next page, we have an unseen person speaking.

Unseen person: You do not have to come every day to take care of me. The current situation has been like this……you should still try to avoid somewhat.

The unseen person was talking to Little Qiao. We now see that the unseen person was Du Ruhui. In response to what Du Ruhui said, Little Qiao pointed out that, since the day he entered under Du Ruhui’s mentorship, his entire family had been regarded as Prince of Qin’s (Li Shimin’s) faction, and that whether he avoids visiting Du Ruhui or not would make no difference.

Little Qiao: If the Crown Prince ascends to the throne, will the current situation be better? His Majesty is still in the peak of health, yet the Crown Prince’s henchmen dares to assault the Prince of Qin residence’s Grand Scholar on the street.

Du Ruhui: ……Even you can think of this, how can Prince of Qin not think of?

Little Qiao: Teacher, just what is the plan of His Highness Prince of Qin?

Du Ruhui: You should not ask me this. How did you see Prince of Qin? Little Qiao: His Highness was as usual, today he even brought the Crown Prince residence’s Princess Yongning out to go hunting. Teacher was injured like this……normally he would have soon visited to comfort.

Du Ruhui: ……Finally determined? These two fingers were not lost in vain.

Then the scene changes, and we see Little Qiao in this place that looks like ancient China’s version of a bar/club.

While sitting here, Little Qiao was deep in thought.

Little Qiao: That’s right……I really am silly. Even though he is usually so protective of his own people that the whole court knows of it, yet regarding such an incident, Prince of Qin……this uncharacteristically calmness, he is determined then? The Crown Prince kept putting on pressure like this in order to anger Prince of Qin, to make it easy to catch his weakness? That Princess Yongning was so favored and pampered……but her second uncle was only using her as a prop to show his weakness.

Then Blue Eyes broke into his chain of thought.

Blue Eyes: Er-lang, Er-lang? You don’t really have long yang zhi hao, do you? You spent all day here with us, but only drink and chat with Hu ji. (TN: More on these three sentences in the discussion below.)

Little Qiao: ……

Blue Eyes: Could it be that you are interested in me? I can actually think about it.

Little Qiao: Scram!

Then he went down outside, sighing that he should worry about himself first (so does this mean you were worried about Princess Yongning then?), and we have this:

From now on, whenever I think of Qiao Shiqi, I shall think of this scene and his expression here.

Little Qiao then ran back up to Blue Eyes, startling him into choking on his drink.

Little Qiao: The……little lang jun who come to see Sese, what did he come here to do? (TN: Lang jun is a semi-formal term used to refer to men back then, and I guess Sese is the name of the lady that was leading Chang-ge to her room.)

Blue Eyes: Who? Ah, that one…… Hair is not even fully grown (TN: He’s saying that Chang’ge was still just a brat), what else can he do? Isn’t he just like you, relying on that pretty face, getting the sisters’ favors. But I heard them secretly talk……this little lang jun has special hobbies, not only learning their words, but also stealing Hu ji’s clothes and learning to dance with them.

Chang-ge, your behaviors made it really easy to misunderstand, you know. “Special hobbies,” he said……

Little Qiao wondered why she came here to learn to dance from Hu ji, especially since isn’t her mother Hu ji also? Blue Eyes said that Little Qiao was asking so detailedly, could it be……

Then Little Qiao freaked out and told Blue Eyes to shut up and to make sure that everyone in this place pretend that they know nothing about “little lang jun.” I guess the Crown Prince’s daughter sneaking out to a bar/club to learn dancing and stuff from Hu ji wasn’t exactly acceptable behaviors.

Blue Eyes finally realized the seriousness of the situation and asked which family’s wánkù (rich spoiled kid, ahh, the title of our story) is this.

Little Qiao: That is the ancestor of the wánkù!

Lol. Here, you can probably guess this, but Little Qiao meant that she was the head honcho. Then the pretty lady we saw in one of the previews showed up looking for Little Qiao. She told him to go home quickly and dragged him out. On the way, Blue Eyes asked her where she is taking them (we now learn that her name is Xiang-po, which means incense, probably not her real name), and she said that she’s taking Little Qiao to the back door. Blue Eyes then asked if Little Qiao had done something to offend her. He said this because back doors were usually not used for guests.

Xiang-po: Does Young Master still remember Captain Wang?

Blue Eyes: Captain Wang?

Xiang-po: It’s the one who relied on the fact that his father is the Crown Prince residence’s Supervisor of the Household that he even dared to assault an assistant minister, that Captain of the Guard. I do not understand these matters of the Han, but I just heard him mentioned Qiao Er-lang, he said…… “The old one cannot be touched, but the young one we still can, right?” “Catch him and give him a good beating, so that these aristocrats can see what siding with the wrong master will result in!

Okay, here, we have the Crown Prince residence, and at the beginning of the story, Little Qiao mentioned Prince of Qin residence. I’m translating this literally, but “residence” actually refers to “administration.” Basically, each of these princes had their own administration, or their own mini-court, with advisors and strategists and scholars and military generals, so on and so on.

The Supervisor of the Household (詹事; Zhān Shì) was a government post unique to the Crown Prince’s administration. I’m not sure what this position did exactly since I didn’t do any research on it. Honestly, it just sounds like a butler to me.

Back to the story, Blue Eyes told Little Qiao to walk quickly and to take his horse, which is tied at the back door, instead. He also told Little Qiao that he did not need to return the horse, since Little Qiao’s horse was still in their stable. Little Qiao thanked him, a sound was heard, and then we saw four hoodlum-looking men blocking the back door. Apparently, the leader of the group just hit Xiang-po, hard enough to bleed, and called her a cheap servant. What an a**hole.

Little Qiao stepped in front of Xiang-po and told ugly-face that they should come directly at him and not cause trouble here. Wang the ugly-face said that, of course, they were going after him. He then told his underlings to go out on the street and create a commotion, the louder the better. He told them to say that Little Qiao and him were fighting over a dancer and that, in the heat of the moment, they were not being careful, and this might even resulted in a fatal incident.

They began to beat up poor Little Qiao. Blue Eyes wanted to come forward to help, but Xiang-po pulled him back to keep him away from the fight. And just when Wang ugly-face was about to deliver the final blow (cuz I don’t think Little Qiao was gonna survive being hit by a thick wooden stick like that), “someone” stopped him.

Wang ugly-face: To not respect Captain Wang is to not respect the Crown Prince.

Chang-ge: Such big words. Since when did the Crown Prince’s face stick onto your face?

Wang ugly-face: Yong…Yong……

Chang-ge: Well?

Wang ugly-face immediately fell to his knees begging for his life.

Wang ugly-face: Lang Jun please forgive! Lang Jun please forgive!! I did not know that you were…… No, no! I did not see Lang Jun……

His underlings were still clueless. One of them asked who this “brat” was, and Wang ugly-face told him to shut up and to go out and tell the guy who was still shouting to shut up. Chang-ge was fed up with all this.

Chang-ge: Scram, all of you.

Wang ugly-face and his underlings quickly disappeared, and Chang-ge turned around to go back inside. Little Qiao called her back.

Little Qiao: I am Qiao Shiqi, I give thanks to Your Honor for saving my life.

Chang-ge: I said all of you, scram, did you not hear me?

Little Qiao paused for a moment before continuing on.

Little Qiao: Your Honor! The heaven’s wind and cloud cannot be fathom (TN: meaning, each day could have unexpected circumstances), human have good and bad fortunes. Your Honor right now is free of any worry, but if one day……if one day Qiao can help Your Honor with something……I will give my all, never back down.

And then we have this beautiful shot of Chang-ge:

Chang-ge: Pfft. Just by you?

Little Qiao was stunned into silence. Then Blue Eyes told Little Qiao that they should go, and we have a third-person voiceover explaining Little Qiao’s thought.

Looking at that insufferably arrogant back, thinking of the elders’ unspoken yet was about to happen matter, the second son of the Qiao family was momentarily annoyed, yet was also momentarily sad.

Under Chang’an City’s bright September sun, the youth’s heart was just like his bloodied sleeves, full of wrinkles and crumpled into a knot, not knowing what to do.

Finally, at the end, we have an epilogue of sort.

A year later, Xuanwu Gate Incident.

Prince of Qin led soldiers into the Xuanwu Gate, killing Crown Prince Jiancheng and Prince of Qi Yuanji. The Emperor was shocked, thus making Prince of Qin the Crown Prince.

Crown Prince Li Jiancheng was given the posthumous title “Yin”, his children were all put to dead. Eldest daughter Princess Yongning fled from the residence, riding her horse and falling down a mountain stream, her body was not recovered.

Qiao Shiqi covered up the report, silent for a long while.

His promise, really was useless after all.

Alright, discussion time.

Let me begin this part by answering a question that many of you probably have upon reading this story, and that is: Did Qiao Shiqi has a crush on Chang-ge? Personally, I believe the answer is no. I’m making this claim based on the fact that Xia Da did say that she does not like love triangles and also on canon facts from this story.

I think we are so used to all the love triangles/rectangles abound in Japanese manga that whenever we see a character noticing/paying attention/helping another character of the opposite sex (or same sex if the genre is shōnen-ai or shōujo-ai), we automatically think that he or she must romantically interested in that character. But that’s not realistic, and Xia Da’s works are usually known follow reality, at least in terms of the characters’ behaviors.

That’s why I don’t think that Qiao Shiqi was interested in Chang-ge romantically. I think he was just being a good person. He knew that she was arrogant and proud and didn’t care about anyone unrelated to her. But she was also a 13-year-old girl who (he thought) was being used by her uncle to deflect suspicions off of him, who was about to be caught in something that she had no part of, and who had just freaking saved his life, unintentionally as it seemed.

What Qiao Shiqi felt for her was most likely a mix of guilt and pity. It was never explicitly mentioned, but that’s the feeling I got from his thoughts. Sure, it wasn’t his fault any of this happened to her, there was nothing he could have done, and her father the Crown Prince was kind of a jerk anyway.

But the fact remained that she lost her family, her life, even her existence. Princess Yongning escaped on a horse and fell down a mountain stream with no body recovered. She lost everything that day, and he knew that she was gonna lose everything, and he did nothing about it. Again, there was nothing he could have done, but I think it’s perfectly understandable for him have mixed feelings about it. It’s like seeing a drowning person, but you don’t know how to swim, and there was no one else around to help, and you just stand there and watch that person drown. It’s a bad example and full of holes, I know, but that’s how it is in general. You know it’s not your fault, but it still affects you.

Looking at that insufferably arrogant back, thinking of the elders’ unspoken yet was about to happen matter, the second son of the Qiao family was momentarily annoyed, yet was also momentarily sad.

Under Chang’an City’s bright September sun, the youth’s heart was just like his bloodied sleeves, full of wrinkles and crumpled into a knot, not knowing what to do.

This part here pretty much said everything.

Which is why I believe that, in future chapters of CGX, Qiao Shiqi will help Chang-ge, if given the chance.

Alright, let’s move on.

There was a part earlier that I said I would discuss further.

Blue Eyes: Er-lang, Er-lang? You don’t really have long yang zhi hao, do you? You spent all day here with us, but only drink and chat with Hu ji.

Here, Blue Eyes is calling Little Qiao Er-lang, which means second lad. Recall how in CGX ch 36 Chang-ge and Sun were pretending to be cousins of the Qin family. She was the lu-niangzi or the sixth miss, and Sun was si-lang or the fourth lad. It’s the same situation here. It basically means that Little Qiao was the second son or second child of the Qiao family. I don’t know if they kept the numbering separate for male and female or if they counted them together. I’ve seen it done both ways in literary works, but I haven’t really done any research on it.

This practice was done because, in ancient China, your given name was considered to be something important and could not be used carelessly. In fact, that’s still how it is today. So people usually refer to each other by their family name and, traditionally, their birth order in the family. So Little Qiao was Qiao Er-lang, Chang-ge was Qin Lu-niang, and Sun was Qin Si-lang. As a matter of fact, if you’re familiar with manga, you might have noticed how the characters mostly address each other by their last names. Only close friends and families use the given name. It’s the same thing here, and it was particularly important for women in ancient China to not give out their given names so easily.

And if you think about it, up until this point, Sun has never once called Chang-ge by her given name. He called her Li Chang-ge, but not Chang-ge. While calling someone by their full name isn’t the most formal or respectful way to address them, it certainly add a bit of distance to the relationship. You usually address classmates who you’re not close to this way. Chang-ge did the same thing, calling Sun Ashina Sun up until the most recent chapter, when she changed to Ah-Sun. Sun told her to call him this way because he could no longer go by Ashina Sun, but note how awkward he looked while telling her that.

Next, long yang zhi hao. Here, Blue Eyes is asking Little Qiao if he’s gay lol. I gotta say, this sentence says something about this time period. If you’re at a bar/club and you don’t do anything beside drinking and chatting with the women who works there, then you’re probably gay. Okayyyy, then.

As for Hu ji, it just means Hu women. Nothing special here.

Overall, I really like this story. We get to see another side of Chang-ge that we did not see before. Sure, we’ve seen how she can be proud, but this level of arrogance? That, we have not seen. Plus, we also get a glimpse of her privileged life in the past. Nobody messed with her. Nobody dared to mess with her. Chang-ge was such a boss back then, and it’s honestly amazing to see how much she had grown from the person she was here to who she was in CGX. Qiao Shiqi said so himself in CGX ch 61.2, and seemed genuinely relieved to see that Chang-ge was alive and well. Ah, it’s nice to be able to make these connections between SYL and CGX.

Well, you might have known this by now, but the 2nd story will be about Situ Langlang. Actually, it will be about Situ Langlang’s master and grandmaster (his master’s master) and is aptly titled “Master”. I guess this means that Situ Langlang is considered an important character by Xia Da. Hmm, I’ll have to reconsider who meet the qualification for having a story written and appearing in SYL. That said, I wonder if we’ll see anyone else from CGX here aside from Situ Langlang. At least we know for sure that Chang-ge and Sun won’t be showing up as they’re not even born yet. Heck, Li Shimin’s probably not even born yet, since he ascended the throne in his twenties and Situ Langlang was said to be well into his thirties……

Well, no matter what, I’m looking forward to it.

[amilliontinywraiths]

the sun setting over the campground swimming pool

wow things have been long and right now the sun is setting in a really beautiful way over eastern colorado which is really an armpit-type of area. my cousin and I are staying in this cabin and in the cabin next door these older dudes are trying to hide their weed. i was making the click click chhh chhh sound towards these bunnies and one of the dudes told me ‘those things have fucking rabies.’ 

i’m helping my cousin drive west but i feel a little silly being here, since i’m feeling sad to leave kansas city in a way that i didn’t feel sad leaving chicago -- e.g., it felt like there was something growing there in terms of friendships and movements and opportunities or whatever and im bummed to have just up and left even if that was my initial “real” plan. i guess the idea of working on an extremely remote farm rn sounds not only the normal amount of isolating but also really hard b/c so many people are actively fighting for abolition in literally every medium-to-big city. maybe im just confused abt being in my 20-somethings doing rrly nothing but not wanting to do anything, looking for friends & lovers & things to feel something abt. previous sentence reads like a frankie cosmos lyric.

today when we were driving against my maybe better judgement i picked up some wooks on the side of the road b/c it was like 105 degrees in kansas and when i pulled up they didnt totally look wookie. then the dude would not stop talking abt his rainbow family so i just made them get out lol. anyways they left their hybrid keyboard oboe instrument behind accidentally and im totally not going to use it but it reminded me of taking drum lessons w/ my friend casey and also my friend luc literally year(s) ago and never really practicing and thus not playing drums :( maybe nows the time. thinking abt having a band and playing post-punk or maybe just random notes rrly loudly.

i bought a car and i feel like im whipppppppping around at all points which is good because its distracting me from the financial reality of that decision. when i back up there is a rear-view camera which really blows my mind and also all of the turn signals work so im living a new found luxury i think. i took my old car (reggie) to my mechanic and sold him for parts which was really sad. ive had that car since i was 15! there was a wooden shoe bookstore (philly?) sticker on the back and i pulled it off before he went to his death & underneath was a coexist sticker!!!!!! in probably 2016 i still had the sticker on due to laziness and one of the first times i hung out w/ kris she saw it and literally gagged. i was so embarrassed b/c i thought she was super cool and didnt want her to think i aligned w/ coexist bumper sticker ideologies. so reggie went to the grave with his original sticker and the pacifism of 16 yr old gabi.

the campground is filled with bunnies, as i type im looking at three of them just lounging about. they lay around like cats which is super unexpected and so devastating in a cute way. theyre really skittish and when it started to rain they hid under all the cars. the moths are attacking my computer screen and im being eaten by mosquitoes and these kids are swimming in the rv campground pool (the water is actually brown, lol). i drank a beer w/ my ihop meal & felt proud that i can do that now & its just a normal thing even if i have to take a lap and convince myself not to have another beer (insert substance abuse counselor voice: sobriety is a spectrum). im taking deep breaths and rocking on this cheesy porch swing and i can see horses nuzzling on the other side of the interstate. 

i guess what im trying to say is im grateful to be here, even if here is a brown swimming pool. 

[markimoofan123]

Markimoo Show Blog

Mark's show was amazing and so much fun got around to Nashville at 2 so we just walked around and saw random fans and then met my tn markmioo friend :) sadly no pics my iPod sucks but I got amazing vids so I will upload that later today sadly no meeting the guys poor mark wasnt feeling good so they just left and headed to the hotel. I"m glad it was the final show cuz Mark can rest up and get better by the time he comes back from his break 

More about the show it was amazing but man it went by fast :( the cartoon was amazing gritty sugar did amazing with that i love her work <3 then Mark came out and did the intro opening i always love the doctor part its funny :P he still tries to save Ethan even after he took his "heart" out lol silly goof. 

Then after the intro Mark says hi and all and we pick our show we got Game Show i was hoping for Horror as it was close to Halloween but oh well. Then Mark and a fan Fight Bob to get the show back from him and rescues Ethan but the fan picked Mark and bob carried Ethan off stage :P it was so funny, the rest was inpove and more singing this time Tyler sang and Mark did some cute little singing and so did Ethan :) i love it!. Then after that they did the dance off omg so funny but poor Mark him being sick he was out of breath after the sudden death dance off and was on his knees and hunched over after it but he was ok after he caught his breath i assume :( poor guy i hate seeing him get sick alot when he goes out on this stuff like Pax and tour and all. 

anyway another pity patter after the dance they played wizard on the Nintendo switch that was fun we were the red team with the guys and we won all battles woo! lets see final was the little dance number with the canes and hats always love seeing Ethan do his backflip <3 then the Q@A and Closing Thoughts, Some Questions i member was how is Mark doing without Chica and he said he misses her but he will see her in a few days <3 then someone ask who his fav ego to play from Who killed Markiplier and he said the Corneal :) i thought he would of said Damian lol but oki dont member the rest of the questions but then they got to the closing statements and we got the feel trip i am so freaking pissed my iPod was dying and i couldn't record the closing statements >_< ugh!

 anyway everybody was talking about the final show and how the tour has been so far and then they were talking about how long they been friends and just working with them is amazing and all and Tyler put out the feel trip with the story of how Mark helped him get away from a dead end job and had him work for him in LA and Tyler was crying buckets and so was Mark and they shared a heartfelt hug on stage and i lost it at that :( i just love their friendship <3 anyway after tears and laughs and smiles all around the show was over and they took their bows and walked off stage <3 

after that we tried operation stalk the bus to meet the guys but the bus was no where in site >_< so we walked around and we saw like 15 ppl sitting outside by a door and i was like what u guys doing? and one person said this is where they come out to leave and i was like ooh goodie NOT! :( sadly with Markimoo being sick and all after the show they just made a beeline for the back and got into a car and left for the hotel so we were standing out there for nothing sadly :( but it was cool to meet more ppl and all. 

so that ends my little blog about the show :) i hope Mark goes on tour again with a brand new show and maybe a little bit longer this time :) and maybe throw in a meet and greet <3 and hope to go and all again <3 we will see 

[swampsail]

weekend stuff!

I had a really wonderful weekend! I drove up to TN to meet @indigo-a-creeping , which was a fun adventure. Only the second time I’ve driven to a different state on my own (first time as a trip and not moving) also my first time in TN, and my first time driving through the mountains. I mean, I’ve been through the mountains before, I’ve just never been the one doing the driving. I though it was going to be a lot scarier, but it was actually quite nice, and I maaaaaybe drove a little faster than I should have? XD; But it was fun. My car handles those sharp curves like a dream. (Don’t worry, I was safe about it. I don’t wanna die lol)

It was heavily misty on the way up and I wish I’d gotten pictures of that since it looked great, but driving in the mountains, on wet and extremely curvy roads, AND trying to snap a photo? Hahahahahaha, NO. Absolutely not

Indigo and I got a nice little room for a good price, right next to the river. We got to see some goslings there, and a weird nighttime cult of ducks. I adopted a goose that is my new dog, uninspiringly named “Rover”

Admittedly there was some bad planning on my part. The thing I was most interested in initially was, uh... very obviously just a gimmicky shop, and I didn’t have any kind of solid backup plan for other things to do. I realized that weekend that I’m extremely gullible when it comes to tourist traps. XD  However, we figured stuff out. Just winging it and doing whatever was also really nice and chill. Sometimes it’s good to just go with the flow and not try to follow an agenda. Maybe in the future we can visit the type of mine I thought was going to be in Pigeon Forge, lol

So, we hit up Wonderworks, which was fun and interesting. SCIENCE. We had a great lunch/dinner (the servings were pretty huge, so we had leftovers) and I talked Indigo’s ear off, while also being way too tired for actual coherency (sorry! XD) The next day was also great; Indigo spotted a good breakfast buffet, and I stuffed myself silly. Then we got a few things for a picnic, took some time to feed the geese, and then went up into the mountains. Even though Indigo has already been to Elkmont, she took me to see the remaining houses there, and that was very fun. I love abandon places :D We had a great picnic in a really lovely spot (It used to be somebody’s back porch!) Good view of the river, good view of the remains of a house. I adopted some ants as my much smaller, more industrious dogs. (They didn’t get names though. Only Rover had the honor)

On the way back I surprised, and was surprised by, a snake who was trying to have a nap. There was a bit of panic on both sides before he very politely slithered off, probably grumbling to himself about how completely rude things with legs are. I’m just glad I didn’t step on him, and that he wasn’t aggressive. I did not adopt the snake.

The drive home was good, too. I meant to stop at a place I’d seen on the way up, but mysteriously... it was gone. Chances are I just missed it while driving, but it’s fun to pretend that a whole shop just up and vanished from the side of a mountain. Why not, lol

I’m really glad we did this. It was a good weekend, and I feel like I’ve shed some stress. It was good to meet a friend and explore a new place. I’d definitely like to go back up there again sometime

[sheerioswifties]

OH MY GOD OMG OMG OMG. GIRL. HOW DID I NOT KNOW THESE THINGS, WE ARE FREAKING TWINS! DUDE...

So I've got a huge mess of an effed up body due to chronic medical conditions right. Lots of side complications and comorbidities have added to my plate over the years too. One BIG one is heat intolerance, HARD CORE. I get so so sick. It makes me throw up and everything. I got full on heat stroke a few years ago and MAN did that make it really bad. So I 100000% understand that one! But dude. I'm looking and I'm just like. .same same same- chronic pain✔✔✔ chronic fatigue✔ anxiety✔✔depression✔ heat intolerance✔ (especially particularly from the sun), claustrophobia I don't have BUT I have social anxiety that kicks in when I'm in big groups, so same with that freaked out overwhelmed feeling I'll get sometimes! And messed up sleep schedule? HOOOOO BOY✔✔✔ Insomnia//painsomnia//so many things. I've had to do many a sleep study and we're still trying to figure it all out. Okay also LONG CAR RIDES RIDING IN THE CAR AT ALL is SO hard for me, it's really painful so I get that too!! I wonder, if it's 3 hours away, could you hop on a cheap flight there maybe? I've done that before, it seemed silly but it helped. Everything in my life is about finding ways to adapt lol. I've learned a lot over the years for dealing with all those things so if you ever need advice I'm here! Okay and then the standing in line. I feel that too. Might you be able to get access to a wheelchair to use? Because there's standing in line and then there's tons of walking in big stadiums which can take so much energy and be painful, as much as I've hated it, I've used one, and it helps, frankly probably was the only way I could do it. Plus then you could get ADA seats which usually have more room so you're not crowded in. It's a thought? And then you'd have close access to bathrooms etc too(you can even ask Ticket Master about that like call them about getting your tickets and tell them your needs and they can be pretty helpful and accommodating) What else ummmm...I mean dude it does sound like the stars are aligning for that show, you should write up a post about that that we can all signal boost, maybe Taylor/TN can find a way to help make it happen! Or even a group of fellow Swifties;) but yeah oh and if you could get a hotel or friends place to stay where you can be there a day before and after, that's the way to do it! I've done that several times. Having the night before to relax and lay everything out; the morning of a comfy place to take your time getting ready, and then having a place close by to crash at right after and then chill and recoup the next day- best way to do it seriously. I've done that for events that were even like 20 min from home; got a hotel room in the city right by the venue and it made ALL the difference especially with the anxiety but with everything. Plus then you've got AC to get ready in lol. Yeah I'm thinking September in the Midwest could go either way. But might be just at that temp where if you dress light, wear your hair up off your neck, OH and get a seat in the shade!!! I specifically chose my seat bc it was under cover and on the opposite side of where the sun would be. It helped! Anyways now that I've sat here writing a whole novel lol...like I said lmk bc I've learned so many tips and tricks over the years for dealing with this clusterf*** of a mess of medical issues I've got and I'd love to pass on the knowledge to help someone else especially you. I'm so sorry you are dealing with those things, I hate the very thought. But I'm here for you okay!!!! Muah!💗

@taylorswift @taylornation just in case hehe

Forgive me if my memory sucks but you're not going to any rep shows or are you? Have you seen her before? If so why not? I only ask bc if not I'm like dead set on finding a way to get you to one😊 I'd never been before, and have several friends who never have&never will and I just wanna show love and support and do what I can with that and hopefully it makes sense lol💖💖💖

Omg I love you you’re the sweetest! It’s honestly not for money reasons. I have chronic pain/fatigue/anxiety/depression/heat intolerance/claustrophobia/a messed up sleep schedule that’d make it hard for me to go to one 😩 The closest show is 3 hours away, idk if I’d be able to last that long in a car let alone stand for hours in line & at the show? My bladder is messed up too so idk how that’d work out, I might pee my pants if I don’t have close access to a bathroom 😂 The show I’ve been thinking of going to would be in Kansas City September 8th (3 days after my birthday btw ahhh!) It’ll have been 3 years & 3 months since Taylor followed me too, and 1 day before the 11th anniversary of Our Song’s release (which I’m pretty sure is the first song I heard of hers). Like I’m hoping it’s a good sign but yeah idk if I’d be able to handle it. One time I went to a show 10+ years ago I had to go all the way in the back & sit on the floor haha it sucked. Anyways yeah I’m rly heat intolerant & even like 70s is too warm for me :/ I feel weak & sick like I’m gonna throw up or pass out. Plus the chronic pain & all the other stuff like claustrophobia if there’s a ton of people around I might freak out feeling trapped. But yeah I love you a lot and thank you for wanting to get me to a show! I might still try to go, get there a day before & maybe leave a day after so it’s not all in one day? Idk. I have to make sure it’s not gonna be too hot either, it might be in early September 💖 It’d be easier if she was gonna be closer but I’d still have other crap to worry about

[madigabz]

8-02 Hey baby, I was doing some reading yesterday & earlier today. Wanted to share some stuff just so you can read about some interesting things. Like chanting. It's pretty intriguing to me but idk if you'll like it. I was going to journal before work but I didn't give myself enough time. I slept in bc I didn't sleep the other night lol. My life is a mess but at least I have fun with it. Well I try to anyway. I wish I could have you here to relax and calm me down before work. I get so anxious sometimes about things. Never realized how much shit gets me going..worked up I guess you could say? Not really but I'm just OCD af and always on tip. I took a quarter of an addy bc I wanna study a lot tn. But it gets my heart racing still lol. I can definitely concentrate and focus more bc I truly do have adhd but I think it fucks w that heart murmur i have. Idk I like taking it & smoking too. I was emotional & soooo horny the last couple of days and I started my period i think? It might just be light but that's good! I hate how periods fuck up your hormones and make you so emotional lol. A little hope to not be negative & thinking I can't have kids. Even tho you said you can't bc you've blown in a lot of girls and nothing's happened -.- you're the only bf I've ever felt protective over. I think it's bc you're promiscuous:p. It'd be nice to have a conversation about life and share a bowl w you. Get fucked before work and be in a better mood ;) ughhh I can't wait! Do you remember sending me a pic back in like November I think? It was on our fb mssgs & it makes me wet just thinking about you bending me over the bed D: I was sad this am just in pain from yoga yesterday and I just want to be fit and healthy. Hate that one workout takes a week to not be in excruciating pain. Makes me stick to my diet more tho. Yoga and meditating with you:) Alan you're the best thing that has ever happened to me and I can't wait to be the mother of your babies one day<3 I reread your last letter again. Makes me have a piece of you in the day. Woke up and read it, it gets me through a lot of days. I feel like I can't be as positive as can be if I don't smoke. You've been sober since before New Years... and I'm just so fucking proud of you, dealing with everything the way you have been. I mean it when I say that it has proven to me that you really have grown up and became a man. I know you aren't the person you were 5 yrs ago, a yr ago or even since January... You are still my rock & strength even though you're locked up. Still my reason for my effort in life. Thank you for making me feel like everything is okay. Even if you don't say it all the time, I know you're a hard headed, strong mother fucking person and I'm in love with you. I think I make you a better person and you do the same for me. You're my motivation babe and I thought about that while I was bummin' out earlier. It's why I read your letter :) but when I had that thought "Fast Car" came on and it was like a sign :b not trying to sound gullible and silly but it was like a "relax your shoulders, breathe, you're going to get what you deserve. Everything is going to be okay." It was like I had you pulling me in and reassuring me I'm not kidding. I remember standing in front of the mirror or cooking in the kitchen and you'd wrap your hands around me from behind. God I love you... I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please don't fuck me over. I gotta get to work:( but it's my ticket to come see you!!! I'll link everything later to this letter... I take pics through out the day and wanna just check in like you're apart of my everyday life. Love you so fucking much!! 4:20 & I think I might play with myself before work(; write later babes:* 8-07 so it's been a couple of days now and I'm sorry I haven't wrote to you. Im doing a bunch of interviews and what not through out the day still. I just got hired at bdubs & it's the closest restaurant to campus so I know I'll make good $!!!! I have a couple interviews this week for nannying & massaging. Things are finally coming together!! We have both weathered the storm and I truly believe we are going to get rewarded for being so positive and understanding our circumstances. I'm at my first day of training at bdubs..I was doing paperwork and I saw that sammi requested to follow me on instagram, I seriously got tears in my eyes. I didn't know if she hated me or not. I told her to call me sometime when she is able to, it has made my whole day! I'm hoping you call tonight but idk what your sanctioned days were. I'm guessing fri-sun but idk..so many meetings and stuff rn I'm trying to stay on top of everything. Irdk how moms do their daily stuff, their husbands stuff, housework, providing/ working, bills, baby, drs, everything! I need to learn how to manage my time better. I wish i could teleport to you & spoon you in your bed tn. Please stay positive about October Alan, it's the only thing I'm holding onto. I hope you like all of the stuff I'm going to share w you. I thought it might make you think a little more hopeful. I've been talking to your mom quite a bit lately, would you want me to ask her to come when I visit the weekend of the 24th? We are about to start touring & what not but I wanted to check in w you. I love you so much Alan<3 -Chanting protects us from negative energies: In the state of meditation the mind is thoughtless. In this state, some negative energy can trouble us. On the other hand, a protective sheath that wards off negative energies is formed around us when we chant.-Nowadays many people practice meditation as a psychological self-improvement technique rather than a tool for spiritual growth. the benefits derived from such meditation are also at a psychological level. Based on the above comparison, for spiritual growth in today’s era, chanting is of greater value. If you already meditate with the intention of achieving spiritual growth, we recommend you complement it with the spiritual practice of chanting.-Om Mani Padme Hum:The two syllables, "padme", meaninglotus, symbolize wisdom. ... Thus the six syllables, "om mani padme hum", mean that in dependence on the practice of a path which is an indivisible union of method and wisdom, you can transform your impure body, speech, and mind into the pure exalted body, speech, and mind of a Buddha"-Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu mantra: "May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.” *(I used to "pray" or ask the universe everyday to for 'the world get happier and safer each day. & whatever happens to me, I'm able to walk away with a smile on my face' I have said the same thing since I was like around 10 yo.) -You should reach the large bead (or tassel) after 108 repetitions. When you do so, it is traditional to turn the beads around and continue in the opposite direction. Now repeat your mantra silently 108 times, moving one bead at a time, as before. Meditate for a few minutes. Do this by sitting quietly and envisioning your chosen form of the divine within your heart or at the point on your forehead between your eyes. If thoughts come, let them come, but realize that you are not your thoughts, and gently dismiss them.!!!!!!!!*(THIS IS THE BEST SENTENCE I HAVE READ) -Increase the number of mantra repetitions and amount of time in meditation as you have the time and inclination to do so, and are able to do with concentration.You may also repeat your mantra silently throughout the day as often as possible!- Mantra recitation, which is called japa (“muttering”) in Sanskrit, has been an important aspect of Yoga practice since Vedic times. It consists of the repetition of the same mantra, which can be composed of a single syllable (e.g., om) or a string of mantric sounds (e.g., om namah shivaya). As Patanjali reminds us, the yogic path is propelled by practice and dispassion, and significantly, the Sanskrit term for practice—abhyasa—means “repetition.” Through repetition we create either positive or negative habit patterns. Mantra japa produces positive mental tracks, helping us to gradually overcome spiritual darkness. It is a powerful technique for focusing the mind and for harnessing the body/mind’s subtle energies in completing the yogic path of self-transformation. As stated in the concluding chapter of the Kularnava Tantra: “Japa is so-called because it removes the sin accumulated in thousands of lives and because it reveals the Supreme Deity.” The greatest “sin,” of course, is ignorance of our own true nature.-I will put the Law of Least Effort into effect by making a commitment to take the following steps: " 1. I will practice Acceptance. Today I will accept people, situations, circumstances, and events as they occur. I will know that this moment is as it should be, because the whole universe is as it should be. I will not struggle against the whole universe by struggling against this moment. My acceptance is total and complete. I accept things as they are this moment, not as I wish they were. 2. Having accepted things as they are, I will take Responsibility for my situation and for all those events I see as problems. I know that taking responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for my situation (and this includes myself). I also know that every problem is an opportunity in disguise, and this alertness to opportunities allows me to take this moment and transform it into a greater benefit. 3. Today my awareness will remain established in Defenselessness. I will relinquish the need to defend my point of view, and I will feel no need to persuade others to accept my point of view. I will remain open to all points of view and not be rigidly attached to any one of them."- Least effort is expended when your actions are motivated by love, because nature is held together by the energy of love. When you seek power and control over other people, you waste energy. When you seek money or power for the sake of the ego, you spend energy chasing the illusion of happiness instead of enjoying happiness in the moment. When you seek money for personal gain only, you cut off the flow of energy to yourself, and interfere with the expression of nature's intelligence. But when your actions are motivated by love, there is no waste of energy. When your actions are motivated by love, your energy multiplies and accumulates , and the surplus energy you gather and enjoy can be channeled to create anything that you want, including unlimited wealth.-This leads us to the second component of the Law of Least Effort: responsibility. What does responsibility mean? Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself. Having accepted this circumstance, this event, this problem, responsibility then means the ability to have a creative response to the situation as it is now. All problems contain the seeds of opportunity, and this awareness allows you to take the moment and transform it to a better situation or thing. Once you do this, every so-called upsetting situation will become an opportunity for the creation of something new and beautiful, and every so-called tormentor or tyrant will become your teacher. Reality is an interpretation. And if you choose to interpret reality in this way, you will have many teachers around you, and many opportunities to evolve. Whenever confronted by a tyrant, tormentor, teacher, friend, or foe (they all mean the same thing) remind yourself, "This moment is as it should be." Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.-There are three components to the Law of Least Effort: three things you can do to put this principle of "do less and accomplish more" into action. Acceptance simply means that you make a commitment: "Today I will accept people, situations, circumstances, and events as they occur." This means I will know that this moment is as it should be, because the whole universe is as it should be. This moment -- the one you're experiencing right now -- is the culmination of all the moments you have experienced in the past. This moment is as it is because the entire universe is as it is.- If the karma is complete, this will be part of what you release. If it is not, patterns can be reset this month to reflect a higher vibration so that unfinished business and karma can be completed or continued in a way that comes from a place of more love, compassion and forgiveness. This includes self-karma, those deep hard lessons we all came in with this lifetime whether they are physical conditions, emotional or intellectual challenges, or just simply difficult personality traits. Whatever has been anchored through your childhood wounds and imprinting has become part of your patterning. That energetic patterning is your belief system that informs the quantum field around you to manifest certain aspects of your life. Much of this becomes automatic and unconscious until you have an opportunity like we do this month to go within, dig it up, re-evaluate its relevance, and make a change. So, the bottom line is that this is a great month to reset and recreate who you are, what you want to manifest, and how you want to show up in the world. It is going to take work, commitment, discipline and a true willingness to change.- You may also find yourself resurrecting old hobbies or projects or even collaborations with others especially around the arts and music. That garden that you dreamed of planting a few years ago may suddenly manifest because it is the right time. Or that business deal you gave up on will come around again with fresh energy and new insight. Be inspired by the possibilities and be creative in your problem solving and reconfiguring of what runs your physical life. It may be time to retire some aspects and rekindle others. Take a risk and take advantage of what comes your way, always willing for reevaluation and reset.- *(there's a total solar eclipse where the moon blocks the whole sun aug 21st) And speaking of eclipses, even if you are not in an area where they are visible, it would be very very wise to honor them in some way as powerful allies for reset. Try to take time around the eclipses, especially the solar one on the 21st, without interference from your schedule. “We will not actually see the results of what these eclipses have offered us until later in the fall. But you can be sure that if you put the intention into what you want reset, you will get their support.”-When you become defensive, blame others, and do not accept and surrender to the moment, your life meets resistance. Any time you encounter resistance, recognize that if you force the situation, the resistance will only increase. You don't want to stand rigid like a tall oak that cracks and collapses in the storm. Instead, you want to be flexible, like a reed that bends with the storm and survives. Completely desist from defending your point of view. When you have no point to defend, you do not allow the birth of an argument. If you do this consistently -- if you stop fighting and resisting -- you will fully experience the present, which is a gift. Someone once told me, "The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. That is why this moment is called 'the present'." If you embrace the present and become one with it, and merge with it, you will experience a fire, a glow, a sparkle of ecstasy throbbing in every living sentient being. As you begin to experience this exultation of spirit in everything that is alive, as you become intimate with it, joy will be born within you, and you will drop the terrible burdens and encumbrances of defensiveness, resentment, and hurtfulness. Only then will you become lighthearted, carefree, joyous, and free. In this joyful, simple freedom, you will know without any doubt in your heart that what you want is available to you whenever you want it, because your want will be from the level of happiness, not from the level of anxiety or fear. You do not need to justify; simply declare your intent to yourself, and you will experience fulfillment, delight, joy, freedom, and autonomy in every moment of your life. *Literally, I believe I got you back into my life bc I wanted it so bad. You are proof that you can "get whatever you want bc you want it from the level of your happiness" I knew I would have you back one day honestly, I just had doubt. I knew it even before last April when you told me I couldn't let you go bc you were the one for me. You just had to grow up. I moved to Colorado to let you do that. -research tells us that every thought and emotion creates a chemcial reaction because it immediately changes our neurochemicals that affect our mental, physical and spiritual health,Your mantra should be your own; something that resonates with you and helps you recenter in the moment. Keep in mind that what de-stresses one person may not be calming for another. So stick with what works, even if it’s something as silly as “Hakuna Matata.” How could this 90s mantra not make you smile? Plus — it means no worries ... for the rest of your days.:) “This Too Shall Pass.” While it’s important to live in the present moment, it’s also comforting to remind yourself the stress you’re enduring now is temporary — clear skies are on the horizon.“Make It Work.” Tim Gunn’s power phrase is poignant: Take a deep breath and remember that you’re in control and there’s always a solution. Don't worry be happy(: & ofcourse from bob Marleys song "3 little birds" Don't worry about a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right. Singin: don't worry about a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right! It's gonna be be alright man. Rise up this mornin, Smiled with the risin sun, Three little birds Pitch by my doorstep Singin sweet songs Of melodies pure and true, Sayin, (this is my message to you-ou-ou:) Singin: don't worry bout a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right.Singin: don't worry (dont worry) bout a thing,Cause every little thing gonna be all right! * hope you sang that with a Jamaican accent too :) alright who knows how many stamps this will be but this was the best way for me to show you that I'm thinking about you and doing everything I can to help you be positive & assured. I'm by your side baby. No matter what I'm going to wait for you. 8-08 i love you

[fearxnotxthexnight-blog]

TASK 013 [01/08-01/15]

01. Describe your character in a few words.

I would say that I was a bit naive when I first moved to NYC as a result of being sheltered. Now, however, I would say that I’m strong-willed and independent. In addition, I’m extremely creative and enjoy expressing myself through various platforms. Lastly, I would say that I’m the picture perfect example of an ambivert and enjoy although I enjoy going out and about, staying in and being a major homebody is also up my alley.

02. Are you a New York native? If not where are you from and what brought you here? Do you like the city life?

Well, I was born in New York but moved to Nashville, TN when I was a toddler. In fact, I barely remember the city. I returned because it was simply calling my name. Hell, I’ve been obsessed with it since I was a kid. So far, the city has been everything I could have ever imagined and I would never consider leaving it. 

03. What is the best thing in your life?

The best thing in my life has been a constant my entire life and that would undoubtedly be my mother. She’s been my rock throughout my entire life and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her. She’s amazing and I love her with my entire heart. 

04. What is the worst thing in your life?

The worst thing in my life would be the hole inside of me, the piece that is missing. It’s the heartache that exists because of my biological father, Tarek. His abandonment. 

05. What's your biggest vice?

This is going to sound silly, but eating a ton of pineapple and ham pizza is definitely my biggest vice. (Don’t judge!) 

06. What would you give your life for?

Honestly, in regard to who I would give my life for, I would say just about anyone. I am an extremely selfless individual. I would give my life for my mother as well as a stranger on the street. That’s just me. In regard to something I would give my life for, I would say nothing is that important. Well, maybe coffee. 

07. Name one thing that always make you smile and why.

I smile a lot, it’s how people don’t know I’m hurting. But, in regard to one thing that makes me smile, it would definitely be Mr. Corbin Ian Andrews, my favorite roommate (and only one at that!) He is seriously the biggest goof and although he can be a pain in my ass, he definitely knows how to make me smile. There’s no further explanation necessary. 

08. What is your biggest regret?

Personally, I believe that everything happens for a reason but if there was one thing that would classify as my biggest regret, it would be attempting to contact my birth father. Talk about reopening a partially healed wound. Ouch!

09. Describe your career - do you love it? Do you tolerate it? 

My career involves making people feel beautiful and that’s truly extraordinary. I work with hair and makeup and give people confidence they didn’t walk in my salon with. It’s inspiring and I love it. 

10. Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert?

I am an ambivert. If you aren’t familiar with what that is, basically it means that I like to party but also enjoy being by myself aka hate people (but that’s a minor detail.) 

11. What's your family like? Any siblings? Parents still alive?

My family is AMAZING! I grew up with a very supportive mother, Heidi, and an extremely reliable stepfather/adoptive father, Shawn. They mean everything to me and although they still live in Nashville, TN, we remain close. In addition, I do have a half sister, Noelle. I only recently reconnected with her, but she’s great. Our shared DNA comes from Tarek, my birth father.  Unfortunately for you, I would rather not talk about it. 

12. What is your favorite sound?

I’m not entirely sure what this means, but I would say that my favorite sound would be the sound of beach waves. Growing up, my family frequented Myrtle Beach, SC where I discovered that I’m part mermaid (or so I wish) and it’s something that I’ve always loved. So, yeah, beach waves are by far my most adored sound. 

13. List four likes and four dislikes.

Likes would include pineapple and ham pizza, going to the beach, painting as well as making people feel good about themselves; dislikes would include doing dishes, making my bed (because there’s no point because you’re just going to mess it up again anyway), folding laundry and basically any other household chore. You name it, I don’t like it. Unfortunately, I no longer live with my mother and it has to get done (because we know Corbin won’t do it.) LOL! 

14. What do you do on a rainy day?

Sleeping. If not, binge watching Law & Order: SVU on Hulu. Story of my life (even when it’s not a rainy day.)

15. What type of clothing are you most comfortable in?

Personally, I prefer going commando. Unfortunately, there are laws forbidding that. Therefore, I would say that jeans & a t-shirt or even an oversized hoodie (depending on the circumstance) are my go-to comfy clothes. However, I have been known to get dolled up. 

16. Do you have any enemies?

Does my biological father count? #daddyissues

17. What kind of first impression do you give?

I would hope a good one, but I honestly don’t know. Nobody has ever reported back to me about how our first encounter went. I probably make people laugh, that’s an instinct of mine. 

18. What is one thing you're hiding and why?

Well, I’m hiding pain and lots of it. However, I would rather not talk about it. 

19. What is your biggest pet peeve?

I absolutely hate when people have inconsistent speed while driving. In addition, I hate when people fail to use their turn signal. Basically, I hate almost all other drivers. Fortunately, I utilize public transportation for the most part since moving to New York, but people drive me mad any time I’m behind the wheel. No doubt about it. 

20. Give a quote or lyric that best describes your character.

At this point in time, I would say that a lyric from Who You Are by Jessie J best describes me.  “It's okay not to be okay.”