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heyyyharry · 4 years ago

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Till Death (a Halloween one shot)

…in which Y/N and Harry share a flat but he cannot see her.

Warning: DEATH, MENTAL ILLNESS, MENTION OF SU1C1DE AND SELF-HARM (inexplicit). There's a happy ending tho 😬

Inspired by Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride and this song.

Word count: 3.9k

“Oh, you’re home!” she said as he shut the door and kicked off his shoes. His hair was a mess, his eyes dark and weary. He leaned against the wall and released a long heavy sigh.

“Trouble at work?” she asked. He didn’t answer. He never did. But it was okay. She was used to it.

She watched him trudge toward the couch and slump into it with his head buried in his hands. It was so quiet. It was always quiet here, and most of the time, she enjoyed the silence. After all, it was all she ever knew. But she also liked his laugh and his voice when he talked on the phone. He never talked to her. He was a great listener though, and she liked to talk anyway, so she had nothing to complain about. He never interrupted her, never commented; he only listened.

He rested his head on the couch with an arm over his closed eyes. She sat down beside him, her legs together, her hands on her knees.

“Guess what I did today,” she said.

He let go another long breath.

Silence.

“Alright, alright, I’ll tell ya.” She rolled her eyes, suppressing a grin. “I made a new friend. A bird. I saw him on our balcony this morning. I named him Steve. Can you imagine? A bird named Steve. I think Steve likes me as much as a bird could like someone–”

“Oh, shit!”

She flinched as he jumped to his feet.

“Where are you going?” she asked, slightly worried.

“Shit, I forgot,” he murmured, shoving his fingers into his already unruly hair as he reached for his phone on the coffee table. He sat back down and unlocked the screen. His handsome face was illuminated as he typed something into the chat. She rested her head on his shoulder and stole a glance at the screen, just enough to see who he was texting.

It was that name again.

She’d seen him text this person every day for the last couple of weeks. She didn’t know who they were or what they looked like or if they were male or female. All she knew was that they always got Harry’s full attention.

She thought it’d be rude to read other people’s texts, so she never did even though he would never stop her. Still, it didn’t mean she wasn’t dying to know what they said to each other. She would watch Harry as he talked to the person either on the phone or through texts. And he would always look so happy whenever a notification came and he saw the person’s name.

She bet they talked about more interesting topics, not just birds with human names. That thought alone gave a throbbing feeling in her hollow chest.

Sometimes, when she was with him, she forgot about its absence, which was good, because she wanted to forget.

But whenever she saw his eyes sparkle as he talked to this person, she would remember that there was somebody else out there with that thing in their chest, somebody he could feel and see and hear…

...and love.

Then she would remember what he was, what she was, and what they could never be.

After all, she was dead.

She didn’t remember how long she’d been dead. She only knew that she’d been alone for too long. Time didn’t really matter when you stopped growing older. She was stuck like this. Forever 21, as she would joke to herself. She didn’t know how old Harry was, but he had a job that stressed him out every day, so she assumed he was older than she’d been when she’d died.

She’d been trapped in this flat ever since. She’d watched people move her stuff out and other people move their stuff in. She’d forgotten about her loved ones or if she’d ever had them in the first place. She didn’t have any recollection of the life she’d had. She couldn’t even attend her own funeral. If she’d known that she’d be stuck in the place where she’d died, she would have probably not chosen to die here. She missed being outdoors, seeing new people. She wondered if she’d still be in love with Harry if he weren’t the only person she knew.

Honestly, she had never been in love when she’d been alive. She knew that, because even though the memories ceased to exist, she still would have remembered what being in love had felt like. It was funny, actually. When she’d had a heart, she hadn’t been able to use it, and now that she didn’t, she could feel it every day. Could someone love without having a heart? She didn’t know what love felt like to be sure that this was love, yet she knew that she’d rather spend an eternity with this man than to reincarnate into someone else.

They’d been living together for two years. Before him, there had been an elderly couple and a family of four. They’d been fun and lovely. But Harry was...different.

He was alone like her. She felt a deep connection with him in that way, as it was rare to find a person who appreciated isolation and not let it drive them insane. Almost everyone was terrified of being alone. Harry, however, found comfort in being alone. He always knew how to entertain himself. He read books. He sang in the shower. He cooked dinner for himself. He’d call his family to tell them about his day.

Sometimes, as she watched him talk to his mum and sister, she wished she remembered her own family. Would she still want to be alone if she remembered them? Well, she didn’t want to be alone now that she had him. It scared her sometimes. An attachment was a scary thing when you knew that you’d forever be temporary to the people around you. Like the elderly couple and the family, one day, Harry would leave, and she’d have to get used to new flatmates who would most likely leave again.

But that was for the future. Right now, what they had was enough.

“I’m seeing someone,” Harry said one day.

Y/N didn’t want to eavesdrop, but she was sitting by the window talking to Steve while Harry was on the phone with his sister. It was the first time Y/N heard him say the person’s name. He was smiling the entire time as he talked about her. Y/N loved seeing Harry smile, so it didn’t matter what made him smile. She just wanted to see him happy.

He told his sister that the woman he was seeing was coming over tonight. He seemed excited. Harry had only ever looked this excited except for when his favourite show came on. That was how she knew he loved this woman as much as he loved that show, which was a lot.

“Can I join you guys tonight?” Y/N asked him when he ended the phone call.

He put his phone back down and looked right at her. If she had a heart, it would combust right then and there. But what she didn’t expect was him marching towards her, thrusting his hand right through her chest and shutting the window. Steve flew away. Harry turned and left.

The place where his hand had been burned with its absence, leaving her frozen as she watched the bedroom door fall shut. He couldn’t feel her, but she could feel much more than a dead person was allowed to feel.

Dinner was nice.

And so was the other woman.

It was funny how Y/N would refer to her as ‘the other woman’ when she’d been the one getting all Harry’s attention. She was sweet, blond-haired, great smile. She sat at Y/N’s spot at dinner. Y/N didn’t mind as she wasn’t eating anyway, yet it saddened her that she didn’t get to tell Harry her boring stories; the other woman was doing most of the talking.

Harry listened to her and laughed at her jokes. He never responded to Y/N that way. She’d been fine with it before, but seeing how he interacted with someone else made her want to vanish into thin air.

It was the first time in two years that she’d seen another living person beside Harry, and yet she had never felt lonelier.

After dinner, Harry asked if the woman wanted to spend the night and she said yes, so Y/N retreated to her spot – the bathroom. For some strange reason, she found comfort there. She would just get into the empty tub and lie there until morning.

Before Harry had moved in, she’d stayed in the bathroom at night while the living were asleep. Since Harry, she would usually spend the night outside his room. He’d always sleep with the door open and a lot of pillows. She didn’t want to be intrusive, but she’d heard him crying one night. His stepdad had just passed away and she’d stayed with him to keep him company, even though he hadn’t been aware of her presence.

She’d sat beside him on the bed as he’d cried. She’d told him that dead didn’t mean gone, that his stepdad might still be around, or have gone to heaven to get a new better life.

To be honest, she didn’t know if heaven existed for she didn’t get to leave this place, but maybe heaven only existed for the ones who deserved it. She was too good for hell, not good enough for heaven, so she was still here.

That night, as she was lying in the tub, gazing at the shadows of objects cast on the ceiling, she couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d seen at dinner. A happy Harry. A truly happy Harry.

She’d always wondered what he looked like when someone made him laugh so hard he forgot about everything else, or when he blushed because of the things someone said to him, or when he looked at someone like they were the only person that mattered. Now that she’d seen it, it felt like torture.

She would never make him laugh. She would never get to hear him call her beautiful or tell her jokes just because he wanted to see her smile. He’d never get to know her. That was the worst part. It hadn’t bothered her before, and now it was too late to undo her feelings for him.

She didn’t have a heart, but as she lay her palms on top of her chest and shut her eyes, she could feel it breaking.

Ever since that night, the other woman would come over very often. It had hurt at first, then Y/N learned to get used to it. It didn’t mean it stopped hurting. She’d still feel invisible tears rolling down her cheeks every time they kissed in front of her. She’d spend most of the day avoiding them. It was hard to do so when she couldn’t leave the flat. She’d tried before. She’d tried to follow Harry outside, but the second she stepped through that door, she was back in the tub.

She was imprisoned in her own home where she felt like a guest. She had no one to talk to, and it had never been a problem before but now it was driving her insane.

Sometimes, she even wished that the other woman was dead. It was bad that love made her blind and envy made her cruel. Whenever that malicious thought crossed her mind, though, she’d think about Harry and instantly felt bad about wanting his girlfriend dead. It wasn’t a nice thing to wish onto anyone, especially when Y/N herself knew how overrated death was.

It wasn’t a solution. Just more problems.

And at the end of the day, it shouldn’t matter if she was hurt. After all, she was dead. Dead people couldn’t feel pain. This was just an illusion. Her pain wasn’t real. If Harry lost someone he loved, that would be real. And she’d take all the hurt just to keep him happy. Always.

Tonight, Harry came home alone.

She asked him what was wrong, knowing he wouldn’t answer. He went straight to the couch and buried his face into his hands. She wondered if he’d forgotten to take his pills again. She’d call them his happy pills. He’d been taking them for a couple of months now. He was always so sad and numb without them. Lately, it seemed like he hadn’t been taking them.

“I wish you’d tell me what’s on your mind,” she whispered, resting her head on his shoulder.

Silence sank in. The heaviness in her hollow chest became too much to bear.

Then, his shoulders began to shake.

He started crying.

She’d seen him cry before, but this time she could feel everything he was feeling. And it was even worse for her because she could not do anything about it. When a person cried, they’d feel better afterwards. There was no better for the dead. Just forever numbness. Forever pain. Maybe she hadn’t gone to hell because this was her hell. What had she done to deserve this?

Whatever. This wasn’t about her.

She wished she could wipe away Harry’s tears and tell him things that’d make him feel better. She felt powerless. There was nothing she could do to help.

She sat and watched him cry for what seemed like forever. When he finally stopped, he took out his phone and texted the other woman.

This time, Y/N read.

They’d broken up. The messages didn’t say why. All Y/N knew was that Harry was madly in love with the other woman. He’d sent so many messages asking her to stay, telling her he couldn’t live without her. And she never responded to a single one.

“Harry…” Y/N murmured.

Harry shook his head gently as if he’d heard it. Then, he got to his feet and padded to the bedroom. The door fell shut, leaving Y/N with the uncomfortable silence that could smother her.

She started pacing back and forth outside his bedroom. Her head swam with half-formed regrets. She wished she’d done something to stop him from getting to know the other woman and falling in love with her. But what could she have possibly done? She was dead. She was a ghost, floating around, haunting this place. She couldn’t keep two living people from falling in love. She couldn’t stop the woman from breaking Harry’s heart.

But that was one thing about not having a heart, you’d hurt twice as much trying to protect a heart that wasn’t your own.

Something crashed.

Glass shattered.

The world stilled for a second as Y/N burst into the bedroom.

There he was. Staring right back at her.

But there was also him. On the floor. The real him.

Those weren’t his happy pills.

“Harry!” she screamed and rushed towards the Harry on the floor. His ghost stood there watching in silence as she tried to wake him. She couldn’t touch him. She could only scream and if he’d never listened before, he wasn’t listening now. “Harry, please wake up...Please wake up…”

She lay her palm on his chest. He wasn’t dead. She could still feel his heart beating. His skin pale and his breathing slowed. Half of him was still fighting to live and as long as the other half didn’t overpower him, he might be saved.

“Who are you?” asked the ghost standing beside her.

She looked up. The other Harry was looking right at her, not through her. This one could see her.

“I’m Y/N,” she said, still in shock.

“Y/N,” he echoed.

She’d heard him tell the other woman that he would repeat a person’s name so he wouldn’t forget it. He could hear Y/N, see her and now he knew her name. Her invisible heart swelled for a second, but then she could feel it, the beating of that living thing under his chest. He was still half-alive. But he wouldn’t be for too long.

“You must hold on,” she told his ghost, panting heavily as she started freaking out. “You can’t...you can’t die...you must...I don’t know....get back into your body before it’s too late.”

“I don’t know how, and I don’t want to,” he said, staring at himself, and then at her. She didn’t like the look he was giving her. It was as if she was an exotic animal and he was a curious child going to the zoo for the first time. “Are you a ghost?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said, rising to her feet, trying to avoid his gaze. “I-I died here…”

Silence.

“How long have you been here?”

She shook her head. “I don’t remember. When you’re dead, your memories start to fade. Now I don’t remember anything from when I was alive.”

“So there’s no afterlife?” Harry asked, his voice breaking a little. She looked up and saw him staring at his own body with a pained expression that could be regret. “You just...stay here?”

“I don’t know about the other ghosts, but that’s what it is for me,” she said, rubbing her arms.

“Aren’t you lonely?” he asked.

“Well, not really. I’ve got you.”

Her answer seemed to surprise him. He blinked. “But I couldn’t see you or talk to you.”

She raised a soft smile. “But I could see you and talk to you. That was enough.” Harry was giving her an expression she could not interpret, so she hurriedly went on, “Believe me. Death is overrated. You don’t want it.”

“But what if I do? I lost my job and someone I loved. I have struggled every day for the past few months, so why bother?”

“So you think it’s easy for me?” she asked. “I don’t have a heart, yet I still feel things and I can’t cry and the feelings won’t go away. They’ll still be here when everyone else leaves. Dead doesn’t mean gone but it’s the end of second chances. I’ll never get to celebrate my twenty-second birthday. I’ll never get to graduate. I don’t remember my family or if I ever had one. I don’t get to make friends. I don’t...don’t get to be loved…

“And if that doesn’t sound bad to you, just think about all the people you’d leave behind. Your mum, your sister. You won’t remember them but they’ll remember you. And they’ll have to carry the pain of losing you until it happens to them. I didn’t get to see them one last time because...if I tried to leave this flat, I’d just...just keep coming back here. I’d never get to apologise to them for abandoning them. I regret it every single day. And I don’t want it to happen to you.”

The Harry in front of her was quiet for a moment. The Harry on the floor was struggling to breathe.

“If I die,” he spoke, his eyes meeting hers, “you won’t be lonely anymore. Why are you trying to talk me out of it?”

She took a moment to think. Then, “Because I love you.”

His eyes widened as he parted his lips. He didn’t believe it. For the first time, Y/N could see herself in him. She wouldn’t believe it if someone told her they loved her, either. She thought she couldn’t be loved. That was why she’d chosen the easier way out. It wasn’t easy; she knew that now. So she wasn’t going to let him make the same mistake.

“You think no one cares, but I do,” she said, reaching for his hand. She held it, lacing her fingers with his. “So please hold on. If you fully give up, you cannot be saved.”

He looked at himself and then back at her. “Where did you die?”

A pause.

“The bathroom.”

Sadness set over his features. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she said, smiling. “I’ve never been better than I am now.”

“Harry!” shouted a female voice as the front door burst open suddenly and frantic footsteps rushed into the room.

The moment Harry saw the woman he loved, hope lit up his entire face. The woman screamed as she collapsed by his body and pulled out her phone to call an ambulance. She kissed his face and told him how much she loved him, that she was sorry, that she’d take back all the things she’d said, that she wanted to spend many more years with him.

Y/N felt herself losing grip of the other Harry. He started to fade. She tried to hold onto him, but it was no use.

And before he was completely gone, he smiled at her and said, “Thank you.” And she thanked him, too. For seeing her. And not giving up.

Harry didn’t remember anything when he came back from the hospital. He got back together with his girlfriend, who finally moved in with him. They lasted for two years and their relationship ended on good terms. After that, Harry, now with the job that he loved, started seeing other people and stopped taking his happy pills. He’d got better. He was happy all the time. He didn’t remember his conversation with Y/N, but sometimes she’d catch him staring at the bathtub. She’d pretend that he could see her and she’d smile and wave. Maybe he could, but he didn’t want to freak her out. Who knew?

He moved out of the flat after a few more years. The last night he was there, she’d lay on the floor beside his bed as he slept.

The ones after him were fun. Y/N liked meeting new people. One couple even had a pet and she finally had someone to talk to. Still, sometimes she would think about Harry and wondered what he might be doing now.

One night, while lying in the tub, she discovered a tiny word someone had written on the bathroom wall.

Hello.

She’d been here long enough to know that it hadn’t always been there. She recognised that handwriting. Though she wished she’d found it sooner, it made her happy as she traced her fingers over it and imagined him thinking of her.

Y/N didn’t know how much time had passed.

But Harry did return.

When he came in, she almost didn’t recognise him. He was an old man in a wheelchair. She’d overheard him talking to his caretaker that he wanted to spend his last days in this flat. He stayed in bed for that whole first week and she’d lie beside his bed and talk to him each night.

He died of old age.

One night, he went to the bathroom and lay down in the tub and fell asleep and never woke up.

She stood in the doorway, watching him.

Then, she felt a tap on her shoulder. When she turned, she saw the same Harry who was young and handsome and wearing the same clothes as the day he’d first seen her.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hi,” she said.

Apparently, when you died, you got to choose the age you wanted to be. She’d chosen to be twenty-one, the age she’d died. Harry had chosen to be twenty-four, the age he’d met the ghost girl who had saved his life.

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xkaileo · 3 years ago

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Hi! For the one shot request, would love to see something with animals - saw a very cute prompt when I googled ideas (I have so little creativity which is why I read so much!) where one of them works at an animal shelter and the other comes in to pet the cats when they are sad. Maybe something along those lines? Thanks so much for considering! ❤️❤️❤️

Ahh I'm so, so glad you sent in this request! I had a lot of fun writing it, honestly.

Growing Felines

"I'm not going to make it in today, it seems," Shisui said over the line. "The snow's just too thick, and my car won't start." Oh, Sakura could not believe this. She'd struggled to make it here through all of the snow, and now she was stuck here alone?

"Damn," she said over the phone. "Kakashi can't make it in today, either." Sakura wasn't a fan of working alone at the shelter, but it seemed she had no choice today. Her coworkers, Shisui and Kakashi, were stuck at home in the snow, and Sakura was the only one who'd managed to make it to the shelter for the day. Curse her managerial position! With the weather outside getting worse, she felt she would be staying overnight with the animals to make sure it didn't get any worse. They tended to get upset when the weather turned sour like this.

"You gonna be okay there by yourself?" Shisui asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine. Maybe one of the volunteers will make it in, so I won't be on my own all day." Part of her was hoping that she might see that one volunteer today… There was one boy that always came in. Sasuke Uchiha. He was quiet, withdrawn, and rarely talked, but Sakura noticed when he was with the cats, he seemed to smile a lot. She'd never asked why he came so often, but he was one of their most active volunteers. He never seemed to have much to say, though.

"Hmm… maybe." Sakura frowned at the tone in his voice. "Well, good luck, Haruno!" With that, Shisui hung up the phone, leaving Sakura wondering just what crazy idea Shisui had. She knew Sasuke and Shisui were related, but… no, it couldn't be that. Could it?

Shaking the thought off, she went to do a headcount of all of the cats, making notes as to which kennels needed a bit of cleaning and the conditions of the cats that they'd noticed were ill. Most of them were doing much better, and there weren't any that had severe conditions that would need immediate veterinary attention. Hana lived not too far from the shelter, but if Sakura could avoid having to drag Dr. Inuzuka out into the snow for anything, she would. They'd just have to make do with phone consultations if they had any questions.

---------------------------------------------

Sasuke hated the snow.

He hated it because it reminded him of that day. After all, he'd been stuck there for days and days. The memories plagued him for years. A snowstorm where no police could get out, and a poor, tormented little boy stuck there with his murdered parents because no one could get out there to help him. Sure, years of therapy had made him better than previously, but days like today were days that he wanted to be out of the house and distracted.

Even despite the terrible weather.

Thus, he made a point to bundle up well and make his way to his truck, thankful it had four-wheel drive that could carve through the snow with ease. He'd just go for a drive around the city, pick up a few things, and come back. No other plans. Why bother with them? He would've preferred not to talk to anyone today anyway.

As if on cue, while he was sitting in the driver's seat waiting for his truck to warm up a little more, his phone rang. He pulled it out, frowning at the caller ID. What the hell would Shisui want today? Shisui was one of the few people who knew what today was, and yet he was calling? He should have known the kind of mood Sasuke would be in. Sighing, he opened the phone and held it to his ear.

"What?" He asked, clearly grumpy.

"Ouch, don't bite my head off, cous'," Shisui defended over the other line. "I just wanted to ask you something. Just a little personal favour, if you could." A personal favour? Today? Well, in all fairness, Sasuke was one of the only people who had a vehicle that could traverse through weather like this.

"What do you want?" He wasn't going to give Shisui an answer just yet. He'd hear him out, at the very least.

"Look, you know how garbage my car is in this weather. I'm stuck at home, and so is Kakashi, according to her. Sakura's at the shelter all by herself. Could ya check on her, maybe?" Wait… Sakura. That was the girl that worked at the shelter with him. Sasuke bit his lip, contemplating. Sakura was tough… she could handle things there on her own, probably.

"Sasuke~" Shisui's teasing voice rang in his ear. "I know you like her~."

"Shut up," Sasuke bit back. "I told you that in confidence." He hadn't even meant to, but Shisui, annoying as he was, had managed to get it out of him. Now he hadn't stopped teasing him about it. Then again, what wasn't to like? Sakura was cute, she was nice, she was friendly, sweet, warm, welcoming… All traits anyone would like in a girl like that.

"C'mon, Sasuke. At least check on her. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. But I am genuinely worried about her being there all alone." Sasuke drew in a deep breath, closing his eyes and releasing a sigh. Alone. Sakura was alone right now. He couldn't ignore that. What if something happened? What kind of a person would he be if something happened, and he could have done something about it?

"Fine. I'll check in on her. I'll text you. Bye." He wasn't going to listen to anything more Shisui had to say; he'd probably just tease the hell out of him. He turned on the four-wheel drive and kicked it into gear, making his way down the rural roads until he reached the shelter, swearing as he tried to find a place to park. He could see Sakura's car, but by now, the blizzard had covered it in snow; she had no hope of ever making it out of the parking lot. Shisui was right; it was worth coming here to check on Sakura if she was all alone.

Stepping out of his truck, he squinted through the snow to try and make out the door, barely able to see it through the blistering snow. He managed to move forward, checking back occasionally; the moment he couldn't see his truck, he was finally able to see the door, breathing a sigh of relief. He found it was open, struggling to pull it open against the wind and drifts that had practically barricaded it; there was at least a foot-high drift in front of it. He made it in, hearing the door slam behind him as he stared at the pink-haired girl sitting behind one of the computers.

After checking the kennels, Sakura made her way back to the main desk and worked on some paperwork when she saw a shadow outside the door. She shielded her eyes as a mess of black hair, blown around by the snow, covered the boy's face as he struggled to make it through the door. She could feel her heart pounding; who would have dared to come out in this weather? Was it someone… untrustworthy? And here she was, all alone…

He pulled his scarf down, brushing snow off his shoulders and stamping his boots to loosen the snow out of the treads. She was uncertain about his intentions but came around the desk with a concerned expression.

"Are you crazy?" She asked, mouth agape in shock. "The storm's--"

"I could ask you the same thing," Sasuke replied dryly. He unzipped his jacket, glad it was warmer inside. "You're out here all by yourself?" Okay, so maybe he had a point. She was a little crazy to have come out here on a day like today. What made her even consider it? There was no way she was going to make it out of there on her own. Hell, he wasn't even sure his vehicle would make it out of there, but he could deal with that later. He'd figure something out.

"I had to come in! Someone had to look after the cats…" She couldn't have just left them on their own. They could have gone without food or water for days, and she couldn't have that happen. Sasuke could understand that; he was only a volunteer who came to visit the cats when he was lonesome, partly at the behest of his cousin Shisui. As they stood there, the power flickered for a moment, drawing both of their attention.

"Oh, no," Sakura griped, scrambling back to the computer. It had been just a brief flicker, so the backup battery had kicked in, but she needed to get the paperwork done fast. She hit the save button, realizing she probably wouldn't have time to finish it all. At least she was caught up to a certain point; she could do it when there was more power. If the power was flickering, that meant they would lose heat… and she would have to make sure there was extra insulation.

"Look, um… I appreciate that you're here, so… do you think you could help?" Sakura's eyes were pleading. He'd planned to turn around and leave, but he couldn't ignore that look. He'd never been quite this close to her; she was prettier than he remembered. Her skin was fair, and her hair looked soft; her bangs framed her face while she'd pulled the rest up into a high ponytail. She wore red glasses as well; he could swear he'd seen her without them before.

"Sure." He knew they weren't leaving from here, but he wasn't about to say that just yet. She didn't need to know that he'd come out here almost entirely with that intention, nor did she need to know that he'd come in through that door, intending practically the same thing. He made sure to lock the door for them to leave. That way, nobody else could come in through the door unnoticed.

"Okay. We'll carry the blankets up from the basement and start packing them around the windows to keep some of the cold air out. I think there are towels there, too, so we can use those. Then we'll put some of the smaller ones inside the kennels for them to curl up under. After that, we'll make sure their food is good and boil water to keep in thermoses to top it up as the water starts to freeze. Let's see, there are six thermoses, but they're all about two litres each, so…" Sakura started doing some math in her head as they moved down the stairs, whispering to herself under her breath.

Sasuke was listening, but… he was also busy paying attention to her. Standing behind her, he could just faintly smell her shampoo as the hair in her ponytail swayed back and forth with each step. She was… kind of short, too. She had to be almost a foot shorter than he was, maybe a touch less. She also seemed to like the colour red… He could tell by the fact that she always seemed to have something red to complement her outfit. Today, it was her hair tie and her shirt; other days, it was a red headband she wore, and in the summer, he often saw her wearing red sandals or sneakers.

He followed her to the basement, following her directions to grab blankets. They made their way to the singular room that housed all the cat kennels, stuffing blankets and towels against the windows. They then moved to open each kennel individually, carefully stuffing more blankets in and refilling each of the cats' water dishes before closing them in. After that, they were left with a few more blankets as the lights went out on them, the sudden darkness surprising Sakura.

"Sasuke? Hold on-- I have a flashlight," she called, scrambling in the bag that was at her feet. She fumbled with the flashlight; Sasuke could hear where she was and crept toward her in the dark, hoping he might find her before she had to use the flashlight. As she finally found the button and turned it on, Sasuke was nearly right in front of her, causing her to squeal in surprise and jump back, startling a few of the cats.

"Sorry," he reassured, raising his hands. "I didn't mean to startle you." Sakura could feel her heart pounding in her chest, though she breathed a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, she only had one flashlight, though she had quite a few sets of batteries they could use. With the power out, their heat would be out; the building was well insulated, and they'd done extra work, not to mention there was enough food if they were stuck for a day or two--something Sakura made extra sure of during the winter months, given the shelter's location--but hopefully, they'd at least be able to shovel their way out.

"Come on. There's probably enough hot water that we can make some hot cocoa if you like." She led the way out, Sasuke following not far behind her as they found the small kitchenette. Sakura found the hot water, prepping herself a tall mug of cocoa.

"Is there any tea?" Sasuke asked, doing his best to peer into the cupboards in the dim light. "I'm not really a fan of cocoa." More accurately, he didn't like anything sweet.

"Yeah, um, there's some black tea up in the cupboard here, I think." Sakura pulled the tea down and got a mug ready for him, pouring the water over it and putting the lid on for him. She grabbed a couple of packets of honey and a couple of sugar packets for once it had steeped, grabbing a couple of snacks for the both of them as well. She opted for a few things in the fridge likely to perish first; without power, the food in there would go bad first.

They made their way back to the cats' room, stopping by one of the visitation rooms to grab a couple of bean bag chairs to sit on. If they were in the room for the cats, they could at least monitor them in case anything went wrong. Sakura handed him a small bag of chips, giving him a warm smile.

"So… you decided even in the snow to come out and visit the cats?" She was pretty curious about the reasons he'd come out. He heard the question but wasn't sure if he wanted to answer. He chewed his lip, contemplating whether he should tell her the truth or not.

"Yeah… something like that." Sakura found his mysteriousness a bit intriguing. He'd barely said a word to her any time he'd been here, except one or two in greeting or passing. She was often busy with paperwork while he was just there to visit. He spent more time talking to Kakashi and Shisui than anything. This had to be the most he'd ever spoken to her at all.

Sakura set the flashlight between them, facing upward so they could see each other. She was doing her best to read him, but she couldn't get much. Even his facial expressions gave nothing away, but he seemed… awkward. The way he spoke, it was like he was trying not to admit something. It intrigued her. She wanted to know more about him. That, and… she might have thought he was a little attractive.

Okay… a lot attractive.

"...Shisui called me," Sasuke admitted. "He said you were here alone, and… that he'd like it if I could check on you." He sipped at his tea, pleased with how it had steeped; he preferred it black and unsweetened. "I have a pretty big truck, so I was the only one able to make it out here before the snow got bad." So much for that now. His truck was probably half-buried, too. He was glad for the darkness in the room; Sakura couldn't tell that his cheeks had tinted a faint pink colour.

"You came all the way out here just to check on me, then?" Sakura felt her face heat up, at a loss for words. He nodded, which left her speechless; he looked away out of embarrassment, making her heart beat a little faster.

"Oh, wow," she commented, internally scolding herself. Talk about a lame response! "So, um… I'm guessing your truck is probably stuck now, isn't it?" Sakura reached for one of the blankets, wrapping it around herself as she shivered. She could notice the difference when the heat wasn't blowing from the vents. It was still more than warm enough, but she missed the warmth.

"Yeah. It's stuck." He didn't have to see it to know it. "So I'm… just as stuck here as you are." He didn't mind it. She seemed like good company, if nothing else. Shisui had probably planned for this. Shisui seemed to like to play matchmaker once in a while.

Sakura laughed awkwardly. "Well, um… I guess it's a good thing this wasn't like, a date or something." Oh, she was just digging herself deeper and deeper, it seemed. If Sasuke hadn't been so good at maintaining his composure, he might have choked on his tea at that statement. A date? Yeah, it… would be a pretty lame date. Wasn't it kind of like one, in a sense?

"Mm… I wouldn't really know." He sipped his tea. "So… Sakura, what do you do other than… work here?"

"Oh, not much, honestly. I live with my friend Ino, who's going to school to be a fashion designer, so I tend to, um… end up having to model whatever designs she has a lot of the time. She pays me a little for that, and I get a lot of free clothing out of it." Sasuke saw her shiver and reached for two more blankets, wrapping one of the smaller ones around himself then throwing the larger one over her before wrapping one half over himself.

"It's warmer if we're both under it." He was a little chilled, but he wasn't about to admit it. Looking at her… He could imagine her being a model. She was pretty. Very pretty.

"What about you?" Sakura asked, moving a little closer as he'd instructed. It was warmer with both of them under the blanket.

"I… write music." He'd thought about going to school for it, but it was easier to do it from home and do his research. Cheaper, too; he lived on a large acreage he'd purchased with an inheritance from his parents. With the house and the rented farmland, plus the hefty life insurance money he'd spent years living off of, he could spend years living out there. "Not much else. I live alone just down the road from the shelter, actually."

"Oh, really?" That wasn't what she expected. Musicians were always exciting types. "So you just come to visit the cats when you need inspiration?" It made sense to her. Creative types always looked for inspiration in the strangest of ways.

"No." Why did he find it so easy to talk to her? Something about the way she spoke made him want to open up to her. He chewed his lip like he was trying to hold back his words, but it was no use. "I come when… I start to feel like I'm too alone at home."

Sakura suddenly felt sad. "You don't live with anyone there? Not even your parents?" An acreage like that, she would have assumed he still lived with his parents. Maybe not a wife--they were far too young for that--but not even his parents? That seemed odd to her.

Sasuke shook his head. "I… they're not… around." He couldn't open up that much, but by his expression, Sakura figured it out. He didn't have to say anything more. There were one of two options there: either they were dead, or he never spoke to them any longer. She reached up from underneath her blanket, reaching underneath his and gently rubbing his shoulder. He looked at her, staring down not at her hand but her face. She was… quite close. She'd been the one who brought up a date. Was she… possibly interested in him? Had she said something to Shisui at some point?

Sakura saw the change in his demeanour, heart thumping in her chest. They were close, faces almost inches apart; it was like he was leaning down toward her. She'd heard Ino talk about this kind of feeling, but… she'd never experienced it. Well, they were alone, basically in the dark… What else were they going to do? They couldn’t let the cats out of the kennels, at least not unless they were strictly holding them. At least some of the cats were able to visit one another across their enclosures.

He was so close to her, his face only inches from hers. He could see her eyes in the dim light; green eyes were the rarest colour, and hers sparkled a bright jade colour. He wanted to kiss her, but… was it appropriate? Should he? No, maybe not yet. This was the first time they were really having a conversation. He wanted to know her better first.

“So…” he cleared his throat and moved back a bit. “You live with your best friend, you said? Anyone… else you spend time with?” He felt it was too tacky to ask her if she had a boyfriend or girlfriend. Sakura was a little miffed he moved away, but she’d just have to deal with it.

“Oh, no, not really. Well, there are a couple of girls we hang out with as a group, but… not anyone otherwise. No boyfriend, either. What about you?” She was a little oblivious to his prying.

“Mm… I have a friend, Naruto, but we haven’t talked in a while.” Wait, Naruto… why did Sakura recognize that name?

“Hold on. You mean Naruto Uzumaki?” It couldn’t be the same one, could it? Sakura remembered him. Ino had dated him at one point, in the last few years of high school.

“Yeah, Naruto Uzumaki.” Sasuke rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “We, um… we were foster brothers for a while until I moved away in high school. I haven’t seen him since.” Naruto had been annoying, but they’d looked out for each other at least. He’d yet to try and reach out,m. “Then there’s also Karin, Suigetsu, and Jugo.” Wait… Karin. Karin was a girl’s name. His girlfriend, maybe?

“Oh, so… is Karin your..?” Why did her heart drop at that idea? Him being taken was… a sad thought.

“No. Ex, actually. High school.” He hadn’t been as invested in that relationship as Karin had. He’d felt it was unfair to her and broken things off, though he knew she still pined for him. She seemed never to let him forget it. One day she’d have to, but for now, he could ignore her.

“Oh, I see.” That was a relief. An ex she could handle. Just as she opened her mouth to ask another question, a loud crash came from outside in the hall. It sounded like it came from the supply room, but Sakura wasn’t sure. Had someone broken in? Worry crept up in her spine as the flashlight started to flicker.

“What was that?” She whispered, instinctively huddling a little closer to him. He looked out toward the door, frowning and unconsciously moving closer to her as well.

“I don’t know. Do you have extra batteries for the flashlight?” He reached for her bag, digging through it in an attempt to find them before the flashlight died.

“Yeah, um, inside the pocket there.” She helped to hold the light for him, unscrewing the back and pulling out the old batteries. He took the flashlight and inserted the fresh ones, breathing a sigh of relief as the light flicked back on without issues. He stood up, turning to Sakura for a moment.

“I’ll go check it out. Wait here.” He was about to take a step before Sakura stood, shaking her head.

“Can I come with you?” It wasn’t an offer but rather a question. “I— I don’t want to sit here alone.” She was sure the cats would be fine, but it would be a problem and a half if someone had broken in. Sasuke hesitated before reaching for her hand, grasping it and nodding.

They made their way out into the dark hall, Sakura sticking close to him as they worked their way to the storage room. Once they opened the door, they were hit with a blast of cool air, and from what Sasuke could see, it looked like one of the windows had cracked. Something had hit the side of the building—a tree, it seemed—and a part of one of the branches had cracked the glass.

“Just a broken window, but not too badly. Is there some tape here?” He rooted around for something, anything; duct tape would work best. Sakura found a toll and handed it to him, giving her the flashlight so he could reach up and tape the glass. It would be enough to hold until a technician could adequately repair the window. Sakura shivered in the cold as he worked, wishing it wasn’t so chilly. He was done quickly, grabbing a few boxes to put them in front to help insulate.

“Come on. Let’s head back.” He could tell she was cold; he made a point to snag a couple more of the blankets to wrap them both in. Once they were back in the kennel room, he wrapped her in one blanket, then wrapped two of them around them both, keeping her closer for warmth. It wasn’t cold in the shelter yet, nor was it likely to get too cold, but it was better that they stay warm than try to warm up.

“Here. Stay close.” He could feel his cheeks burning with embarrassment. “We’ll, um… we’ll stay warmer if we share body heat.” That sounded creepy, but how the hell else was he supposed to put it? He kept an arm around Sakura, making sure she was close to him. Sakura could feel herself nodding and agreeing, leaning against him and glad for the warmth he provided.

“Thank you,” she said, her lips forming a small smile. “I-I mean, not just for this right now, but I mean… for coming out when Shisui asked. I probably wouldn’t have gone to investigate that window if that happened while I was on my own.” She was thankful he’d come. It meant she had someone to talk to, someone who could hold a conversation. Talking to cats was fine for a little while, but they didn’t make for too many intellectually stimulating conversations.

“Yeah,” he responded softly, shifting so he was more comfortable. He was pretty comfortably warm; a nap would have been pretty nice right about now. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. What else were they going to do as the storm raged on outside? Well… there was at least one thing he wanted to confess, but… maybe not yet. Maybe after the storm was over, he could ask to spend more time with her. That wouldn't hurt, would it?

Hours passed as they chatted idly, listening to the cats and hoping the storm would slow down soon. There… wasn't much to talk about. Sakura did most of the talking, chattering away for a lot of it, and while he contributed, he preferred to listen. He liked the sound of her voice. It was something he could get used to hearing.

"Sasuke?" She asked, drawing him out of his thoughts. She'd asked a question, but he'd been too busy thinking about her to listen to what she'd asked.

"Hm?" He tilted his head to the side curiously.

"I… I know we should stay close for warmth, but… Are you tired at all? I thought maybe the bean bag chairs, we could, you know, lay them out kind of like a bed? A nap wouldn't hurt." Oh. A nap. Now that she mentioned it, he realized he felt a little tired. It probably had something to do with sitting in the dark for so long; the room had stayed warm, and while they could hear a few of the cats padding around and mewling, most of them seemed to have gone to sleep. They understood they were in a safe, warm environment, especially with Sasuke and Sakura sitting there with them.

"Oh. Yeah. We can." He stood up and lifted the more oversized blanket off himself, wrapping Sakura in it. He dropped the one he was wrapped in to the floor, grasping the bean bags and thinking about it logically. If they laid them primarily flat, and one of them--probably Sakura, since she was lighter--laid down on them first, they could be adjusted to form a comfortable bed. He pulled them together and instructed Sakura to lay down, and she did so; once she was comfortable, he settled in beside her, reaching for the flashlight to keep it close. They'd turned it off a few hours ago to save the battery, preferring to listen to each other talk.

"Hey… Sakura?" Sasuke at least wanted to ask her one thing before they fell asleep.

"Mmm?" He could tell she was sleepy, and he wondered if she'd even remember what he was about to ask.

"I was wondering." Wondering was putting it mildly. "You… mentioned you didn't have a boyfriend, and I know this isn't an ideal situation, but…" He bit his lip, trying to squelch the nervous feelings that were creeping up. "Do you think maybe… you'd want to do something a little more appropriate after?" He grumbled. That sounded… not right. "Another time, I mean." That sounded better.

Sakura was too sleepy to hear his entire statement, but she caught parts of it. He wanted to hang out again after the storm let up? It sounded like a great idea to her. She couldn't put her finger on why he was asking if she had a boyfriend, though. Why did that matter? She was too tired to comprehend what he was asking entirely.

"Mm… sure. That sounds like fun." Her voice was quiet, notably half asleep. Sasuke was relieved to hear that. He suspected she might not have got the entire question, but it was enough. Even if it was platonic… He would like to spend more time with her. Why not? She was fun, energetic, animated, and could carry a conversation all by herself, and didn't seem bothered that he contributed little.

Hours passed, the storm raging on outside as they both slept, only being unceremoniously awakened as the lights in the shelter came to life all at once, nearly blinding them out of sleep. Oh, that was unpleasant as hell! The sound of the furnace going again caused them both to sit up, rubbing their eyes and trying to open them. Sasuke felt that usual grumpiness coming on; he hated being woken up when he wasn't ready to get up. His gaze turned to Sakura, who was sitting up on one of the bean bag chairs, rubbing her eyes and trying to straighten her hair. Cute, he thought to himself, rubbing a hand over his face.

"Looks like the power's back." That meant they should be able to leave.

"What time is it?" Sakura's phone had died overnight, so she had no way to contact anyone. Sasuke checked his, seeing the time. It was about six in the morning, but the shelter had notably cooled.

"It's about six," he confirmed, putting his phone into low battery mode. "Come on. We can probably get out of here now. With the power back, the cats will be fine." That was one bonus about their furry friends: they were more equipped to deal with the elements than their human caretakers, even in a cooler environment. It was still dark outside, but at least they'd be able to head home and get some proper sleep.

"Oh, well, that works. Let's top up what the cats have for food and water for the day, and we can head out… assuming we're able to even get out of here." She was pretty sure her car was snowed in; she'd parked right up against the building in the hopes that she might be able to avoid her vehicle being buried. That didn't seem likely. How silly of her to have done such a thing.

They changed the water and litter boxes in each kennel, then refilled the cats' food bowls before doing another double-check around the place. With everything seemingly in place, Sakura grabbed her keys and jacket, putting away the blankets and bean bag chairs before meeting Sasuke in the entryway.

"Okay. Let's see…" She opened the door, unsurprised by the pile of snow that was in front of it; it had to be almost up to her knees. Peering out, they could see that the storm had lightened considerably; it was still snowing, but it was more of steady snow than a blizzard. Her car was up against the building with snow piled up almost to the windows; the drifts had blown up against it, making it look worse than it was. Sasuke's truck was parked further up, and with its raised wheels, it had been spared the brunt of most of the drifts, though it was still going to be a challenge to get out.

"I… don't think we're getting my car out," she admitted. "Well… If you want to head home, that's fine. I can wait here and shovel my car out once the snow stops, or I can call Ino to come to get me." It was better than nothing.

"Don't be ridiculous," Sasuke scolded. "I'll drive you home. It's fine. The roads probably aren't cleared yet, but that shouldn't be a problem." He pulled out his keys, indicating for Sakura to lock up the shelter before trudging through the snow. He made sure to walk ahead of her, doing his best to flatten the snow so the drifts would be easier for her to traverse. He looked at his truck, then at her… Ah, with the way his truck was lifted and the fact that he hadn't put steps on his truck yet...

He followed her around to the passenger side, opening the door for her. "Just stand there," he instructed, and she did as he said. Damn, she was practically going to have to crawl into his truck; it was so high up, and she couldn't even reach the handle at the top to pull herself up into it. Without warning, she felt hands on her waist, causing her cheeks to flush as Sasuke lifted her high enough to reach the handle.

"I, um-- I-I got it," she stammered, holding on for dear life as she swung into the seat. He closed the door behind her before coming around to the driver's side to start the truck. Well… Days like today were why he had a vehicle like this; on an acreage, a tiny little car wouldn't do. He needed to be able to get down his driveway through crappy snowstorms. The truck flared to life, and he immediately put it in four-wheel drive, carefully wedging himself out of the snowdrifts. They took it slow down the road, Sasuke following Sakura's directions back into the city and to her house.

The streets were deserted. Vehicles could be seen abandoned along the freeway, along which they crawled at about a quarter of the speed. They made it to one of the smaller residential areas to a little townhouse; one vehicle could be seen parked out front, and there appeared to be a space where a second was usually parked. He pulled in front of the small driveway, putting the truck in park before hopping out and around to the passenger side to help Sakura out. Once she was safely on the ground, he looked down at her, taking a deep breath. This was his last chance to be direct.

"Sakura?" He asked, reaching a hand up to rub the back of his neck. Sakura could see just how nervous he was; he seemed… awkward, in a sense.

"Hm? What is it?" She was genuinely curious. He'd been too kind to her yesterday, coming to check on her; she could at least hear out whatever it was he had to ask.

"I was wondering… Would you maybe like to go on… a proper date, another time?" He knew that what they'd done wasn't exactly a date, but it was close enough, right? His offer shell-shocked Sakura; that was not what she'd been expecting. A date… a proper date. He wanted to go on one? And with… her, nonetheless? Had she been totally out of it all night? Well… now that she thought about it, there was that one time where she was pretty sure he was about to kiss her, but he'd backed off.

"Oh, um… I think I'd like that," she admitted, her posture turning shy as she looked away. She knew she was blushing, but she couldn't help it; he had an air of aloof mystery surrounding him, and she wanted to learn more. She wanted to know more about him specifically.

"Great. I'll… I'll call you." He had her contact number from a pamphlet he'd been given when he'd signed up as a volunteer; he could get it from there. There was one last thing he wanted to do, too. Stepping forward, he raised a gloved hand, stopping before taking off his glove to touch her face. Her cheek was warm and soft, fitting gently into his palm. Sakura felt herself freeze at the gesture, glancing at his hand before looking up into his face.

Sasuke leaned down, gently pressing his lips against hers. He kept the kiss brief and chaste, but… Damn, he'd wanted to do that since yesterday. Running a thumb over her cheek, he smiled and stepped back, bidding her farewell. Sakura waved and hurried inside, doing her best not to slip on the ice patches she was sure were hidden under the fresh snow. Once he saw she was inside, Sasuke put his truck into gear and drove off, and for once… he was driving with a smile on his face.

Sakura stepped in the door to the townhouse and was met by her blonde friend standing in front of her like a mother about to scold a child.

"Oh, you have some explaining to do, Forehead. A lot of explaining. And I want it to start with hot stuff out there who just kissed you in the driveway."

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saintqueer · 4 years ago

Note

Hi, saw that you are in therapy. How do you approach the subject of 1D in therapy? I'm embarrassed to bring up how much I'm invested in them to my therapist tbh and also worried she's gonna a tell me to drop them cause it's not healthy.

Hey friend! I honestly was pumped when I woke up to this ask yesterday because it’s a really good question. One that I think a lot of people worry about. And is probably pretty prevalent for a lot of us in fandom spaces as a lot of us are mentally ill and/or neurodivergent (and yeah I don’t think that’s a coincidence). I just recently got back into therapy after a few years away. I went consistently from when I was 18 to 24. And I just got back in at 27 because, surprise, life is still hard. But I can tell you that I was not expecting to be going back into therapy with a full-blown 1D hyper-fixation. Yet here I am!

I’ve always been very susceptible to fandom and, what I like to call, the art of obsessing over things. And I’ve mostly felt comfortable talking freely about those things with friends/family and therapists. But it has become more difficult as the outstanding circumstances of being unemployed, in a pandemic, being unable to get my ADHD meds, and being severely depressed have caused my ‘obsessive tendencies’ to become a lot more intense, focused, sensitive, and longer-lasting which is why I’m using the term hyper-fixation currently to separate it from the general fandom experience.

It’s come to feel a lot less like a fun extracurricular and more like a coping mechanism that I can’t picture functioning without. Maybe this is similar for you, anon, as you label your investment as “unhealthy.” But I hope you can step back from judging yourself for a moment and acknowledge that this might be a coping mechanism for you. We can sometimes be all too quick to judge coping strategies as healthy or unhealthy when we are simply just trying to do what we can to get by. I am aware that my current hyper-fixation might not be the quickest or most obvious way of healing myself. However, I know that I am indirectly processing my trauma through it which is, for right now, far easier for me than confronting it directly.

So, yes, in therapy I’ve brought up my 1D obsession, touched briefly on Larry, and spoken at length about how much fan fiction I’ve been reading. My therapist hasn’t really dug further and we just end up moving on to the next thing. He always ends up being more curious as to what’s underneath it and far less concerned about me “being too invested” in something. Any therapist worth their salt would NEVER in a million years tell you to drop something you are passionate about. You are allowed to love things, you are allowed to be a fan, you are allowed to be crazy-obsessed. I highly doubt that she will tell you any differently but if she does, perhaps try finding someone new. Both of my parents are psychologists as well (fuck my life) so I am well-versed in the theory behind psychotherapy and it would never be advisable to tell a client to drop something that brought their life joy even if there were unhealthy aspects to it. You aren’t doing heroine, ya know?

Anyways, if you’d like to then tell your therapist about 1D! What you love about them, how they make you feel, why you feel so invested in them and their music and their story. Explain what resonates or upsets you. That will likely reveal a lot of things about you that might enable her to help you further. For me, the goal of better understanding my hyper-fixation is not to love the thing less by any means. But to make your individual happiness less dependent on said thing. Right now I’m so sad all the time that simply a singular tweet from Louis can give me a huge boost of happiness I would not have had otherwise. My goal is not to rid myself of my hyper-fixation but rather change the nature of it so that I am happy more often even on days when nothing exciting happens in the fandom. A tweet from Louis will still bring me joy but I’d prefer it not to be a glass of water in the middle of a fucking desert.

So, anon, I hope that helps in some way! Feel free to come back anytime. Also, big props on being in therapy! It’s truly one of the best moves you can ever make.

#anon #therapy #fandom experience #neurodivergency

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2seokfan · 4 years ago

Text

Scarlet & Hazel | Ch. 1

pairings: hoseok x reader x yoongi

genre: fluff, very light angst, smut (future)

word count: 3.6k

chapters: ch.1, ch.2, ch.3, ch.4

summary:

Just cause you’re living paycheck to paycheck in a tiny apartment even after graduating college doesn’t mean you’re not happy. So what if your best friend is working her dream job making close to six figures every year? So what if she’s in a loving, committed relationship with her perfect boyfriend that you’re 99% sure is going to propose to her sometime next year? It doesn’t matter that your idea of a perfect relationship is a $9.99 bottle of wine on Friday nights while you binge watch Netflix specials.

Ok so maybe you’re a teensy bit miserable. Maybe you have no idea what you’re doing with your life. Maybe all you need to do is accidentally cross paths with two hybrids who will drastically change that.

Meet “Scarlet” and “Hazel”, two of the most gorgeous hybrid men you have ever laid eyes on. With their help, you learn that life is an adventure, a rollercoaster with ups and downs, and you were too preoccupied with yourself to climb out of your own predicament. And hey, you’re not much of a romantic, but with these two, you just might change your mind.

note: Hi! This is my first fic ever! I don’t even know if anyone’s gonna read this but I’ve had this idea in my head for awhile so fuck it.

You kicked off your shoes and threw your purse on the couch.

“God my back hurts!”

Honestly with the amount of random bodily aches you experience on a daily business you could pass for being 70 years old. But this time you knew where the pain stemmed from. You just had to fall asleep awkwardly after a night on your phone. And of course today was a work day and you slept past all THREE of your alarms. But you know that feeling when you sleep for a suspiciously long amount of time and something doesn’t feel right? That’s the sixth sense that saved your ass this morning because your internal body clock was like sweetie I think you’re late.

You only had time to slap on some makeup, hoping it looked semi decent, and throw your greasy hair into a messy, but passable bun because no one wants to see an ugly receptionist. You had to skip your morning Starbucks drive-through routine because you’re about to be LATE, late so you grab your keys and start your car, booking it to work.

You work at a private hybrid clinic which pays a little better than most but that means you also have to deal with a lot of attitude from rich “owners” (you hate that word). And you sat weirdly at work today so that did nOThing to help your back pain. Also how come everybody decided to book an appointment today?? It’s Friday for god's sake why does everyone and their mothers decide it’s time to call the clinic and book a checkup. They get so mad at you when you say this whole month is filled. You can’t change the schedule though?? The calendar’s filled lady either get over it and settle for next month or fuck off (of course you don’t say that out loud cause you’ll get fired). Also someone yelled at you today because they didn’t like the magazine choices in the waiting room.

Anyways your day sucked and you couldn’t be happier being back in your tiny apartment to binge watch netflix stand-up comedies until you collapse. Well you say it’s your apartment but you actually have a roommate. She’s nothing like you though, she’s the epitome of responsibility. You agreed to live with her even though you met her through Craigslist because once you met her in person you deemed her genuine enough, and also found out she’s hardly ever at the apartment but she still pays rent on time?! You really hit the jackpot with her honestly. Cause you can be a little bit messy sometimes but even when she is home she never complains. The only negative side of having her as a roommate is that you never really had time to bond with her cause she’s so busy and over your league that even after a year you two still aren’t anything more than friendly acquaintances.

Alright time to get out of your work clothes and into nothing but your favorite oversized t-shirt with no pants on because that is what you deem home-appropriate attire. But before you turn on netflix your tummy is making “feed me” noises so it’s time to check the fridge. Damn no leftovers. Time to crack open one of those Trader Joe’s frozen meals you have stacked in the freezer. You blindly pick a box. Guess you’re having vegan tikka masala tonight. Not gonna lie though those frozen meals are actually not half bad. Or maybe you’ve been away from good home cooking for so long you’ve become desensitized? Who cares, you’re hungry. Also it’s Friday, so no harm in cracking open a bottle of wine right?

When you’re all settled on the couch with your favorite plush blanket on your legs, a random comedian on tv, and a full tummy, your mind drifts away. It’s Saturday tomorrow and you have the weekends off. Maybe you should do something fun for yourself to make up for the crap you had to deal with today. You text your best friend Karli. You know she’s awake since it’s only 10pm.

You: Hey girl wanna go to the beach or smth tmrw?? <3

Karli: Yaaas ok I don’t work!! What time?

You: and we can walk around all the fancy stores and get coffee from that place we love.

You: hmmm how bout meet there @11??

Karli: Sounds good sweetie want me to pick you up?

You: no its ok ill meet u there i need to buy groceries after

Karli: Kk love ya see you then!!!

You: love ya! night bby

Karli knows that when you say “go to the beach” you really mean walk along the beach and the nearby stores because it’s early June and prime tourist season. That means the sand is packed with people and their kids and the water’s probably filled with pee so you’re not really down for that. Also the expensive shops near the beach are so cute and you love walking around window shopping, pretending like you can actually afford any of the items on display.

The wine is now getting to you cause before you know it you find your eyelids getting heavy. You muster up your last ounce of strength to turn off the tv and force yourself out of the couch cause your poor back doesn’t need another excuse to keep hurting. As much as you don’t want to wash your face and brush your teeth, you have to because you don’t want makeup on your pillowcase tonight. And when you finally crawl into bed you knock out instantly.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

“Oh fuck…”

You forgot that drunk you last night set an alarm today for 9am. Thank you drunk Y/N.

Why 9am? Because you need to shower and get ready, plus the beach you’re going to is near the north part of the city, which is also the expensive part of the city, meaning it’s a LONG ways from where you live. But the stores are aesthetically pleasing and it contains both you and Karli’s favorite coffee shop so you’re willing to make the 25 minute drive. Karli doesn’t have to worry though because she lives a lot closer than you do. Girl has got her shit together. Honestly you’re just glad she decided to move back after graduate school cause the long distance friend thing sucks balls.

You hop in the shower and rinse yourself awake. The weather is perfect, warm but not too hot. Unlike many people who prefer to dress up for a nice outing, you’re just the opposite. You’ve been forced to dress in nice business attire with a full face of makeup all week. Hell no are you dressing up on your days off too. It’s a sweatpants and tank top kinda day so that’s exactly what you wear. Ever since college you’ve spoiled yourself into only wearing comfy clothes whenever you have the chance and it’s become a minor problem in your life. You have some perfectly nice jeans in the closet but you haven’t worn them in forever. And you’re not gonna wear them today either. And makeup? Who needs makeup? You’ll just go barefaced since you have no one to impress. Actually just kidding maybe a little concealer just to cover up a few rough spots but that’s IT. You’re still a little self conscious and you know you have to work on that but not today.

It’s now 10:15. You grab your purse from the couch, slip on your favorite pair of slides and head to your car. You’re the kind of person who absolutely needs music when you drive so you quickly start blasting your favorite playlist. Before you know it, you’re pulling up to the beach area. Parking is hard to find on the weekend but your lucky ass managed to squeeze into a street parking spot right as someone pulls out. You lock your car and make the trek to Cozy Coffeehouse, your favorite coffee shop hands down.

Karli is already here and she’s hopping up and down, waving at you. She looks super cute today in her little black dress and fishnets. She’s had the same taste since high school and you’re glad that even a Master’s degree hasn’t stopped her from dressing all punk on her days off. You jog over and give her a quick hug.

“Hey girl look at you!! You’re so cute!” You take in her makeup and you swear if she didn’t go the corporate route she definitely should have been a makeup artist. Her eyeshadow is amazing and you’ll never ever have the blending talent that she has, nor could you ever get your eyeliner to look that sharp.

“Aw thanks! You look comfy though I’m kinda jealous now maybe I should’ve dressed down.”

“No I love your outfits! Besides, someone has to look nice in this relationship.”

You link arms and march into the cafe. It’s located near the fancy designer stores on a large hill overlooking the beach. When you step inside the whole atmosphere screams ‘cozy’, fitting its name perfectly. The interior is littered with mismatched sofas and armchairs but it somehow still looks aesthetically pleasing. Soft piano jazz is playing through speakers and when you step inside the delicious scent of freshly ground coffee beans immediately invades your nostrils.

You glance at their pastry display first. Today must be your lucky day because they have tiramisu and you absolutely love tiramisu but it’s usually sold out. No way in hell are you letting this chance slide, fuck breakfast norms you’re definitely getting a bite of that. Unfortunately you’re not a fan of sugary treats on top of sugary drinks so to balance things out you choose to order their house brew.

After you two order, you find a spot in one of the plush armchairs near the window and sit. You really are lucky today since window seats are usually taken. But not this time! You guys get to enjoy the gorgeous scenery displayed before you. The sun is bright, people are laying on the beach tanning, and kids are splashing each other with water. For the first time in awhile, you feel content with life, if only for a bit.

Before long your orders are called out and you stand up to retrieve them. Once you’re settled, you break into conversation with Karli, eager to catch up on everything that happened since you two last spoke face-to-face. You talk about work, Karli’s boyfriend Sunny, that new pizza place that opened up near your apartment that actually has really shitty pizza.

“Like seriously how do you fuck up pizza that badly?” you exclaim in between generous bites of tiramisu.

“No I get you,” Karli responds, slurping her iced mocha frappuchino, “everybody knows what pizza is supposed to taste like, I mean it’s gotta take talent to actually fuck it up to the level you’re describing girl.”

“Exactly!!” You wave your arms in the air, wanting to physically demonstrate your frustration at the situation and your passion for good pizza.

“Anyways…” Karli gently sets her drink down and takes on a more serious tone. “How are you though, honestly.”

“Hmm, me?” You swallow your last bite of tiramisu, “I’m doing good. Works ok, life’s ok. You know. Everything’s… ok.”

“I get that everything’s ‘ok’ but you know I want you to be more than ok. I want you to be happy”

You see the genuine concern in her eyes. Bless this girl for being so soft-hearted.

She continues, “And when was the last time you dated? Like, what, 2 years ago??”

Of course she has to mention dating. Karli has always been a romantic. You? Not so much. Your brain tended to err on the logical, practical side, which is not always a good idea since it keeps you away from many potential relationships.

“I date!” You scoff, but you’re not convincing anybody, least of all yourself.

“Oh really?” Her eyes widen in mock surprise, “Tinder one night stands don’t count babe. You know what I mean.”

“Well you didn’t specify…” You mumble, trying to come up with any excuse to defend your pride. You know she’s just being a good friend and that she’s asking because she cares about you, so you don’t let her questions irritate you.

“Sweetie I’m not trying to make you feel bad and I’m sorry if it comes across that way. It’s just… you mean a lot to me and you’re my bestie and I just want to see you be happy.” She takes your hand from across the table and looks you in the eyes. “We don’t get to see each other as much as we used to, so when I do I want to check in on how you’re doing.”

Then she averts her eyes, which you find highly suspicious. “Also I may or may not have found someone who I KNOW will be a perfect match for you.”

“AHA I KNEW you were leading up to something!”

“Wait but hear me out. He’s an accountant and at first I was like hmmm is he too boring for Y/N? But then I realized I was judging him by his job and that’s not cool so I talked to him and he’s, like, actually super cute and super sweet and I think you two will get along so well!” She’s speaking very fast at this point, trying to squeeze out as much information as possible before you can interject. Then she finishes with one of her signature Karli smiles, big and wide and all teeth and she knows you can’t say no to that face.

“Dammit. Fine.” You lost this round. “Alright if he wants to meet up I won’t say no. How bout that?”

“Gee that’s so thoughtful of you Y/N.” Her tone is sarcastic but she’s still smiling so you know she means no harm.

After another half hour of conversation, locked in a heated debate about food again (this time she’s defending her stance that pineapple belongs on pizza), Karli’s phone rings. The sound scares the poor girl half to death, and watching her jump a mile from her couch had you snorting into your coffee mid drink.

She looks at the caller ID, muttering under her breath, “It’s Saturday what do they want?” then glances up with a sad little pout, “Sorry Y/N it’s work gimme a sec…”

From what you can hear on her side of the conversation, something has come up and she has to head to the office right away.

“Ok I’ll be there in fifteen,” she hangs up and gives an exaggerated “Ughhhhh”. She takes one large gulp, finishing the last of her ultra sweet, ultra whipped frappuccino. “It’s like they can’t do anything when I’m not there.” She looks especially apologetic when her eyes land back on you, “I’m so sorry I have to cut this short…”

“Hey it’s ok! Duty calls ya know,” you give her a reassuring grin, hoping it passes for a smile instead of a grimace. You were really hoping to hang out today.

“No it’s not ok. We didn’t even get to walk around today! And I know how much you like to do that.” She stands up, slipping her purse onto her shoulder, “so next time I’ll plan a day where I guarantee I won’t get interrupted. It’s the least I can do.”

“Mk sounds good babe,” you give her a big hug, “Go get ‘em tiger!”

After she exits the cafe you finish the last bit of your coffee and glance out the window, staring at the people on the beach. Wow it’s really crowded down there today. You zone in on two kids attempting to build a sandcastle, but it’s too close to the water so the waves flatten it in two seconds. But it seems they didn’t learn their lesson because they keep rebuilding the castle in the same spot. Just move it further up little dudes.

You find yourself lost in thought again. Just because Karli’s suddenly busy doesn’t mean you don’t still have a whole day to yourself. You can walk around on your own. Also why not treat yourself to another drink? A fun one this time from their specials menu.

Ten minutes later you find yourself wandering around the various shops, hot hazelnut latte in hand, gazing at display after display of designer clothes and bags. Look, you may not be a huge fashion person, or have any expendable cash, but a girl can still appreciate art, especially when it’s laid out so nicely in front of you.

Speaking of art, there’s an art gallery coming up that you absolutely love. You’ve always been too afraid to go inside because you’re the type of person who feels obligated to buy something if you enter a local store and you DEFinitely can’t afford anything there. So you opt to loiter outside, like some creep, looking a little too long at the featured art through the window. This time it’s an Impressionist style painting of a ship on hazy waters with a sunset in the background. You’re no artist but you can appreciate good quality work when you see it. The piece is mesmerizing and serene, transfixing you to the spot. Before you know it, you’ve been staring for 15 whole minutes.

While admiring the artist’s use of color on the display piece, you overhear a lady raising her voice not too far away, snapping you out of your trance. It sounds like drama, so being the nosy bitch that you are, you’re definitely gonna check it out, if only to satisfy your curiosity.

“What do you mean ‘no’?! You’ll be perfect for each other!! Where’s your owner I bet he’ll listen!” At this point the lady’s voice is sounding downright aggressive.

As you shuffle closer to the scene of the noise, you spot a middle-aged, blonde lady pointing her finger at two hybrid men, almost jabbing one of them in the chest with her sharp, ruby nails. Behind her stands a gorgeous female arctic fox hybrid who clearly belongs to her as she pats her owner’s shoulders, trying to calm her down.

“I’m sorry miss but we just aren’t interested.” The taller of the two hybrids with orange hair speaks up, gently pushing the lady’s hands away. “Please leave us alone.” He’s being surprisingly calm, even after getting yelled at in public.

“Yeah lady get out of our faces,” the other white and grey haired hybrid is definitely more agitated, crossing his arms as he huffs in annoyance. You don’t blame him since the blonde lady is being ridiculously rude.

You can’t really make out the two males’ faces, since they’re turned away from you, but they are obviously hybrids. Both having incredibly bushy, soft-looking tails and tall, pointy ears sticking out of their heads.

Even if you can’t see their expressions, you can tell they’re uncomfortable with the harassment. Since you’re still somewhat unaware of the context, you stay out of the argument but decide to keep an eye on the situation in case the lady steps out of line. You’re just slightly around the corner, able to stay a safe distance away so that no one, especially the lady, can catch you eavesdropping. Pretending to admire the Gucci purses displayed in front of the shop you’re now standing at, and almost choking at the price, you cautiously side-eye blondie as she refuses to back down from the hybrid boys.

“Listen here you rude little pets, I’m not leaving you alone until I see your owner. My Sylvia here,” she gestures to the fox hybrid behind her, “would make a perfect partner for you.” She pokes the orange haired hybrid again, “I’ve been searching so long for her to find a mate and I’m not giving you up! Now where the hell is your owner!”

What the fuck?! How dare this lady talk to them like that? And in public no less! You now know exactly why she’s yelling at them. Working at a private hybrid clinic has opened your eyes to the harsh world of hybrids, and their selfish, rich owners. It’s not uncommon for owners to negotiate with each other and breed their hybrids. If two pretty hybrids mate, their children can be sold for loads of money. It's cruel and disgusting, with many of the children sold off before they can even get to know their parents. You’re all too familiar with this tradition, often catching owners in the waiting room of your clinic discussing in whispers about buying and selling hybrid children as if they’re livestock.

“Hey what the fuck did you call us?!” The white and grey hybrid is now also raising his voice. “Listen you wrinkly bi…!” He is quickly silenced by the orange hybrid, who abruptly clamps his hand over his buddy’s mouth.

Orange hair clears his throat. “What he means is, we don’t appreciate the tone you’re using with us. Please leave us alone ma’am. We’ll be on our way. Goodbye.” They attempt to brush past her.

“Hey hold on a minute! I’m not done with you!!” This lady even has the balls to grab onto orange hair’s arm. “I demand to speak to your owner!” Then some sort of realization dawns upon her because her eyes go wide, then quickly narrow. “And where are your collars? Aren’t owned hybrids supposed to have collars on? You know I just might have to call Hybrid Services.”

You can see the boys visibly tense at her words as she sports a satisfied smirk. Poor Sylvia is now gently tugging on her shirt. “Please calm down, miss…” she says desperately trying to remedy the situation.

Before you know it, and without any plan of action, you round the corner and march up to the boys, standing defensively in front of them.

“Um…” You gulp, then clear your throat, speaking in what you hope is a more confident tone. “Sorry I took so long guys! You wouldn’t believe the line at the coffee shop!”

#bts fic #bts hybrid au #hoseok fanfic #yoongi fanfic #bts smut #bts fluff #bts fanfction #hybrid hoseok #hybrid yoongi #bts hybrid fic

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aaronhart93 · 4 years ago

Text

text || aarotin

Discord text thread featuring: Aaron & @quentindelancret

When: January 22nd, early morning into early evening

Mentions: @romanbeckett @davieslandon

Description: Aaron and Quentin fight about Quentin’s drug addiction

Trigger Warnings: addiction mentions, arguing

Quentin.

you okay baby?

I haven’t heard from you and I just wanted to check in. I love you

Aaron.

I love you too and miss you

Des has just been cranky all night.

Quentin.

oh man, I’m sorry baby. Is there anything I can do to help? I know it’s late but I can bring breakfast in the morning or anything you need

Aaron.

I think she's sick

i have to play the morning by ear. Depends on how she wakes up

Quentin.

okay baby. I hope she’s not sick though. Just let me know and I’ll help out any way that I can

Aaron.

thank you baby. I miss you

Quentin.

I miss you toooo

Aaron.

miss you more

Quentin.

Impossible. I’ve been thinking about you all day. I miss your scent

Aaron.

you have my hoodies. put one on babe

are you at home?

Quentin.

I already did

I am home. I’m supposed to go snuggle Romie but Delilah brought over drugs and now I’m too hyper for life lol

Aaron.

oooo yeah i was gonna ask you to go check on him...but it's okay

Quentin.

I will. I’m just trying to chill out for a minute. He’s gonna leave a key for me

Aaron.

I mean if you’re high...maybe just stay home

Quentin.

uhmm okay

Aaron.

i just dont want you leaving the house so late

Quentin.

I know

I’m sorry

Aaron.

i just....if you knew you were going to go over to his place to take care of him...why would you get high

Quentin.

I didn’t know exactly. He said he was gonna sleep but then he couldn’t, and Delilah was upset and I told her she could come over and talk. Then she had coke and I just... I’m sorry

please don’t be mad at me

Aaron.

im not mad im just

idk

feel some type of way about it

Quentin.

about the coke?

Aaron.

not necessarily. the fact that our partner is sick....you knew i had des tonight so couldn't go over there...i guess i just figured you'd be a little more responsible

it's okay...i dont want you to be worrying about these things anyway

ill take care of both of you.

Quentin.

I can be responsible Aaron. I thought he was gonna sleep. I’m still gonna go over there and take care of him. You both come before anything else for me and I’m sorry I misstepped. But I’m not gonna just leave him hanging.

Aaron.

even if he fell asleep and woke up and needed something...seriously though. i want you to have fun and live your life, im sorry i brought it up

Quentin.

Aaron.. stop it. What is going on with you? I’m fine. I can go over there right now. But you seem... on edge. Are you okay?

I wanna have fun and live my life with you and Roman. I fucked up okay? But I feel like there is something else nothing you

Aaron.

i fought with Landon the other day

Des might be sick

work sucked today and im stressed about Ro

im sorry

Quentin.

baby, I’m sorry. I know the whole Landon situation sucks. I wish I could fix it for you. I know I made things shittier before but I don’t wanna do that. I wanna be here for you. I can come see you after I check on Roman? Help you with Des and give you a massage. I’m worried about you

I’m coming. I won’t take no for an answer. I’m gonna give you a massage and get you in bed. Then I’ll go see Romie. I wanna be there for you both

Aaron.

Quentin, I love you. and thank you....I don't know how to tell you this but...I don't want you around Des if you've been using tonight.

Quentin.

Aaron.

Fine, I’m not gonna argue with you. See you tomorrow then?

Aaron.

yeah

Quentin.

okay

I’m sorry

Aaron.

im not mad

Quentin.

It’s okay. I understand.

I love you

Aaron.

dont be upset

Quentin.

of course I’m upset. I want to be there for you and I can’t

Aaron.

im okay, Q.

Quentin.

that’s not the point

I’m sorry I fucked up. I know you don’t want an addict around Des and that’s my fault

Aaron.

you're sick, i can help you

Quentin.

I’m sick?

Aaron.

addiction...its a diseae

disease

Quentin.

wow, Aaron.

yeah, I don’t wanna talk about this right now

Aaron.

you...brought it up...

Quentin.

yeah, I know. I guess I just didn’t really think you would agree with me

Aaron.

that i dont want someone on drugs around Des? Quentin...

you are making this into something it isnt

Quentin.

no, that you think I’m sick and need help.

I understand you not wanting me around Des. But it’s not like I’d ever hurt her

Aaron.

i know you would never and I'd never keep her from you

just sober up...and we'll talk in the morning i guess

Quentin.

I don’t even know what to say

I’m just sorry I’ve been such a burden.

yeah, we will talk tomorrow

Aaron.

back up

you're not a burden

Quentin, stop making things up in your head

Quentin.

I feel like I have been.

I don’t wanna add any more stress for you

Aaron.

Quentin, listen to me.

i cannot live without you.

Okay?

Quentin.

okay.

I’m just sorry

Aaron.

dont be. im sorry i was harsh

Quentin.

it’s fine.

I love you

Aaron.

i love you too. bring me breakfast in the morning??

Quentin.

of course. Let me know if you need any cough medicine or anything when Des gets up

Aaron.

thank you, my love

goodnight

Quentin.

anytime. Goodnight baby

early evening...

Quentin.

I’m sorry about last night

I’m trying to do better

Aaron.

it was my fault. Don’t worry about it

Quentin.

it wasn’t your fault. You told me how it is and I’ll fix it

Aaron.

okay

Quentin.

good talk

Aaron.

well do you wanna keep talking about it

Quentin.

Nope, I really don’t.

Aaron.

I don’t know what else to say because I don’t either

Quentin.

I’ll just leave you alone

Aaron.

or like we could talk about literally anything else

I missed you today, okay?

Quentin.

yeah, I missed you too

Aaron.

like a lot

I pulled Des from school and had a day with her

it was nice

Quentin.

that sounds fun

Aaron.

it was

Quentin.

I’ll let you get back to it then

Aaron.

oh okay

I love you

Quentin.

you too

Aaron.

Quentin

I’m sorry okay?

Quentin.

it’s fine. I’m really just moody today.

I’m trying to stay away from the happy pills ya know?

Aaron.

I don’t want you to do something that you’re not ready for. If you aren’t ready to stay off of them, then it’s okay

Quentin.

the thing is Aaron, I’m never gonna be ready. I take molly literally every day. Most times people can’t even tell it’s that bad. But I know it bothers you and Roman and I’m done

Aaron.

that’s brave

and makes me happy. That’s one of the reasons i know you love me

Quentin.

of course I love you

Aaron.

I know

Quentin.

I’m just so sick of disappointing you

Aaron.

I’m not going anywhere okay?

Quentin.

yeah

Aaron.

I’m serious

Quentin.

okay

Aaron.

are you mad at me

Quentin.

no I’m not mad. I just don’t feel like we’re as close as we used to be

Aaron.

because of an argument?

Quentin.

No not because of an argument Aaron

because you just seem distant all the time

Aaron.

I...

im sorry. It’s not on purpose

Quentin.

it’s fine

Aaron.

how can I be better

Quentin.

I’m just gonna take a few days to myself

Aaron.

oh okay

Quentin.

I don’t want to make anything worse by staying here

I get so all over the place with my emotions and without drugs I’m scared of what I might say or do

Aaron.

maybe tell your doctor? For medicine?

Quentin.

I don’t have a doctor

and I don’t want one honestly

they just make me relive shit I don’t want to and that isn’t gonna help anything

Aaron.

I can get you into a primary care doctor with no issue

not a therapist. Just a regular doctor

Quentin. What have I done wrong? It’s obviously something

Quentin.

you didn’t do anything. It’s just me.

Aaron.

tell me how I can help

Quentin.

my expectations and my delusions of how I thought things would be. It’s fine, I’ll handle it, I’ll make it better

Aaron.

how did you think things would be?

Quentin.

different

Aaron.

well what can we do better baby

I will do anything for you

Quentin.

it’s not you. I’m pretty sure it’s all me

ya know.. how I get in my head and shit

Aaron.

what can I do for you when you get in your head

to help

Quentin.

I don’t know. You can’t fix me. It doesn’t work like that

I’m just, I’m tired.

Aaron.

well now I’m scared

Quentin.

of what?

don’t be scared Aaron. I love you. I just, I can’t see you right now. But soon.. okay?

two days. That’s it.

Aaron.

where are you going

why can’t you see me

Quentin.

I’m just gonna go see my brother I think. Maybe fix things with him.

I can’t see you because I know if I do I’ll change my mind about taking some time away

but it’s okay, I wanna see you. Come see me

Aaron.

alright I’m coming

Quentin.

good. I love you

Aaron.

I love you so fucking much

Quentin.

the feeling is very mutual baby

I promise it’s gonna be okay. Alright? I just need to get my head right

Aaron.

okay

Quentin.

and it’s not your fault.

Aaron.

Idk

Quentin.

its me, I swear it’s me. That sounds cliche but it really is. I’m gonna fix it

I mean, honestly. All I can think about right now is how I wanna jump on you when I see you and never let go. But I need to stop being so closed off. I know that just makes you closed off and then I blame you. But it’s not you. You just .. you have this effect on me that really scares the shit out of me

Aaron.

is that effect a bad thing?

Quentin.

uhmmm

I don’t know. Is it?

Aaron.

I don’t know. Is it a good scare or bad scare

Quentin.

both

Aaron.

how do I scare you?

Quentin.

It’s like... you’re so out of my league and I don’t wanna do or say anything to make you leave. I’m like, I’m a lot, and I know I can be. It just scares me that makes I’m too much sometimes

Aaron.

I am not out of your league.

you are 1 of 2 of the hottest men in Kingsboro and I have both of them lol

Quentin.

you are totally out of my league. You’re like, God, I can’t even put you into words. Then there’s me. Partying, acting crazy, doing stupid shit. Idk. It’s like I’m an embarrassment next to you. But I mean, if I’m that hot I must not be so bad lol

you’re also like.. so hot! I can’t breathe lol

#text #text: quentin #discord #quentin

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monkeymindscream · 4 years ago

Note

What are your thoughts on Krinkle?

Random question, but I can work with it.

A couple years ago I made a post talking about how Krinkle was my least favorite character in the show. I’ve since written for him a fair bit, and have come to realize he is really fun to write.

Like - y’know how actors will talk about how much fun it is to play a villain, because they get to do things they wouldn’t normally get to when playing a hero? It’s kind of like that. When things happen with other characters, their responses need to be within certain parameters of logic. All that goes out the window with Krinkle. Something can happen and instead of moving from point A to conclusion B, Krinkle can jump all the way to point XIII. The plot he’s following will always be four steps to the left of whatever the main cast is doing, because he willfully exists in a narrative all his own. That is immensely entertaining to write, and to date the pieces I’ve written from his perspective are among the things I view least critically of my work. I’ve become paradoxically fond of him as a result.

...to a degree. I unfortunately still find it really difficult to sympathize with him at all. Frankly I find it difficult to understand how anyone could sympathize with him. Him specifically, I mean; I can completely understand feeling sympathetic/bad about the position he ends up in. But towards him personally as a character? Ehhhhhhhhh...

Something I realized while pondering how to phrase this whole thing was I never really interpreted Krinkle as a depiction of mental illness. I mean that’s absolutely what he ended up being, and regrettably not an especially flattering one at that. Which I mean - early 2000s, what can ya do besides try to be better moving forward? But anyway yeah even as a young kid watching the show for the first time, I always saw Krinkle as more of an exaggerated parody of a crazy fan, not a crazy person. Primarily because he was exhibiting traits I’d seen around forums and in fanfics at the time, just cranked up to 11.

For example, his first appearance sees him attempting a very popular method fanfic writers would use to get their OCs on the Team. Specifically the Team would be in trouble, the OC would swoop in to help, and BAM now they’re a Hyperforce member. Plus his entire second appearance is basically one giant spoof of a self-insert fanfic as a whole: The aforementioned insert takes the main character’s place on for no reason, the insert has all of the same powers of the main plus a lot they don’t, they have a tragic backstory, the whole world (and plot) is centered around them and their whims, all that.

That’s how most of Krinkle’s plans play out, honestly - he tries to apply fanfic logic to his actual life, and then gets angry when his leading actors don’t stick to his script. And his actions seem too... how to put this - pointed? from the writers’ end to not have been intentional. Which is why I don’t think he was supposed to be a stereotype of mental illness, but rather a playful jab at the fandom.

He turned into a stereotype of mental illness anyway (showing him in a padded room certainly didn’t help), but for what it’s worth I don’t think it was the goal. Which calls forth a separate conversation regarding writer intent vs. fan interpretation, but that’s a whole thing just on its own. So I’ll drop this point here.

Going back to me not personally feeling any sympathy for him - I openly acknowledge that’s maybe a little weird considering how ardently I’ve played devil’s advocate to some of the other villains from this show, but hear me out. The others are often SO over the top and Saturday morning cartoon supervillain-y that I have an exceedingly difficult time feeling a genuine emotional response to their actions beyond “mm. bad. don’t do that.” Moreover, the worst of what the other villains do would be rendered impossible if the fantastical elements of the show were removed, which again makes it hard to feel especially offended by them.

Krinkle, though? All else stripped away, a considerable chunk of what Krinkle does is still both very possible and very unsettling. You can connect a lot of his behaviors to real-life stalkers. And it gets really hard for me to reconcile this stuff with the kids’ show he’s in, sometimes. What I’m trying to say is sometimes he feels a little too... real, for me, I guess.

Further muddling my opinion on Krinkle is that - whenever I see him being discussed - I get unreasonably defensive on the Team’s behalf. It always seems to swing back around to how badly they handled the situation. For example there was one comment I saw on A Man Called Krinkle on YouTube years ago (like I’m talking "if you wanted to upload the episodes you had to split them into three parts” YEARS ago) where someone basically said how sorry they felt for Krinkle, and was berating the Team for putting him on Ranger 7.

Ohhhhohoho y’all-

So, first issue I take with this, just straight off the cuff: What the hell was the Team supposed to have done differently? Kept him around, tried to fix his issues themselves? Visited him at Ranger 7, fed into his delusions to make him feel better, perhaps? Does this person expect real life stalking victims to make an active effort to help their stalkers get well, too?

Also- ALSO: The Team is comprised of five (canonically somewhat socially-isolated) monkeys and a freshly thirteen-year-old child. The “adults” in the situation’s response to their first leader going ‘round the bend was “PUT HIM TO SLEEP FOREVER,” presumably because they just didn’t know what else to do. How could any of them possibly know what to do with some rando who had mental health issues clearly beyond what they were capable of helping? One who - I’d like to remind everyone - broke into their home, took them hostage, attempted to force them to unwittingly kill the kid they’d adopted, and then tried to commit murder-suicide?

(I realize that this is swiftly turning into me just getting feisty about this one comment from a minimum of 14 years ago. Look at me care.)

Also... this might just be me interpreting things wrong, but Krinkle kinda, sorta... doesn’t seem to want any help? Or acknowledge that his actions are in the wrong at all? Because okay, he claims he built his own “perfect world” because he was sick of humanity (and wherein everything has his face and his every whim is immediately catered to; don’t try to tell me that shit don’t mean anything). And to even get the chance to build that world, he had to forcefully take over the facility that was conceivably trying to help him get better. That feels... pretty indicative of how much (or little, rather) he must’ve cared about improving. Which, if this is accurate, means that Krinkle was actively choosing to continue risking harm to other people and putting his needs and wants over theirs.

So um. Those are my thoughts, I guess? I think it’s interesting to explore his psyche but I really, really dislike him as a person. Obviously if you do like him/feel sorry for him/disagree with me on any count that’s completely fine. You’re absolutely entitled to your opinion. But yeah, that’s personally where I stand.

#Anonymous #muttering about monkeys #Krinkle

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a-tragedy-told-in-metals · 5 years ago

Text

A Tragedy Told In Metals: Copper & Arsenic

Chapter: 1 link AO3

Playlist (Youtube) Playlist (Spotify) Songs 1-3 apply to this chapter

CW: chronic illness, mild injuries, past abuse

[I’m just jumping to posting in real-time w/ my AO3]

Toni drummed her fingers on her desk watching the chemical formulas for different filaments swirling in front of her eyes. And then what she was almost positive would happen, happened: a red marker reading “failure” blinked in front of her. She dropped her sweaty head on the cool surface of her desk.

“We can keep trying,” JARVIS said.

“Yeah,” Toni muttered.

The formulas, graphs and test results continued to mock her from the screen and Toni sighed. She felt tired but grabbed the stupid chlorophyll shake and downed it. The disgusting drinks were meant to slow the poison. She was going through the motions, pretending this wasn’t as bad as it was. Just pushing through, she wasn’t dying, absolutely not. Except she was and had been since, well, probably since forever, but this particular threat had started the day she survived. It was horribly ironic that the stupid glowing light in her chest, which had saved her life, was now slowly killing her.

That level of irony was honestly funny but she was laughed out. Now it just left a bitter taste in her mouth along with the smoothie. Toni ran her hands along the hardened veins on her chest. The brittle feeling made her feel slightly ill, but that might just be part of the constant nausea she was going through.

Toni was really only going through the motions now. She had already finished writing her will The money was split four ways between charity, Rhodey, Happy and Pepper. Stark Industries went to Pepper. Rhodey got the suits, JARVIS’s mainframe and the Bots. Happy had his choice of cars. Properties, expensive stuff she had and shares of SI would just be split between her friends. Rhodey’s family also got some shares of the company to set them up past the cash Rhodey had.

Toni had it all planned out, it wasn’t guess work. The business had to go to Pepper, she was the only one Toni trusted to not turn Stark Industries back into a weapons company. Rhodey was the only person she would trust in a million years to take care of the Bots and JARVIS with the love they deserve, and, well, he did get the suits; he was the only one who could figure out how to use them if necessary.

“Toni!” Pepper said walking into the lab, her high heels clipping along the floor.

“Yes, Pep?” Toni re-buttoned the top button on her shirt before she spun to face Pepper.

“You returned these forms to me.” Pepper brought up a form on her Stark pad.

“Yeah I did, my signature is there and everything,” Toni replied pointing at the screen

“You signed this page, and the last one but there were a bunch of signature lines between them.”

“Oh,” Toni said with a sigh.

“This is like the fifth time you've done something like this. All of your work is like you’re trying to do it in your sleep.”

“I’m really not Pepper I’m just, ya know, tired. I’ve been busy with SI, and the Iron Queen and just like sleeping and life things.”

Peppers deep suck of breath at the words ‘Iron Queen’ did not go missed by Toni who directed her eyes away from the other woman.

“Well, you can’t leave me to do everything just because you want to fly around in your metal toys. It’s your company and half-done work, late reports, and missed meetings just aren’t fair to everyone else.”

“They aren’t toys. None of this is a game!” Toni shot back.

“Nor is your company! At least not to me, you’re the CEO and no one else is here to do your work for you anymore.”

Toni ground her teeth together as an image of the men who had run the company before filled her mind for a moment. She breathed out, steadying the immediate way her hands shook just thinking about them.

“I know that, okay? I do.”

Pepper sat heavily into the couch and looked to the side, her fingers resting on her lips. She shook her head softly, “I know you’ve been through a lot lately and all. But I’m being the CEO right now.”

A switched flipped into Toni’s head. Why not make Pepper CEO? It was her plan after she died anyway. Toni looked up, “Why aren’t you?”

“What?”

Toni stood up, she grabbed a long piece of scrap metal from her table.

“Ta’ da you’re the new Stark Industries CEO” Toni mimed knighting her.

“Haha, this is important Toni,” Pepper said sliding the scrap from her shoulder.

“I thought we established we weren’t joking tonight.”

“Are you serious?”

“Deathly.”

“Well umm, I think we should have the actual paperwork done up.”

“Sure, yeah, we can do that.” Toni nodded.

“Toni,” Pepper said in that “I’m about to say or ask you something you don’t want to answer” tone of voice.

“Yeah?” Toni replied exhausted

“I’m still going to need you to do some work though. You still own Stark Industries, and I assume you will want to continue working on product development.”

“Yeah, I know that. But now you don’t have to do two jobs anymore. You’re the only person I would ever trust with SI anyway. You’re better for the job anyway; you have the degree, the attention span and people skills.”

“Thanks, Toni. Can you still sign this though?” Pepper pointed to the tablet on the table.

“Sure, right.”

~~~~~

Toni was laying on her couch with ice on her knee, shoulder and head all at once. A particularly bad day of “Iron-Queening” had left her feeling really banged up. Everything hurt, but Toni almost didn’t mind. She was used to being in pain and destroying the Stark weapons cache was something worth getting hurt for anyway. Plus, she actually remembered how she got these injuries, which was cool.

“Ms. Toni, Ms. Potts and an unknown woman are at the door.”

“She armed or suspicious or anything?” Toni said sitting up slowly.

“Not on first scan.”

“Alright let them in.”

Toni sat all the way up and kicked an empty beer bottle under the couch and blinked till her vision cleared up. Pepper was trailed by a woman around her age with bright red hair and light skin.

“Toni, how are you?” Pepper asked.

“Peachy, all these ice packs are for fun!” Toni snarked.

Pepper sighed and rolled her eyes, “JARVIS and the legal department drew up the papers to change Stark industry’s CEO.”

“That's good, but who is she?” Toni pointed to the new lady.

“This is Natalie Rushman. She is going to be your new PA.”

“You're CEO shouldn’t you have one?”

“Oh I will I’m still looking for one suitable. I think you need one or you will never get anything done on time.”

“Hey, JARVIS reminds me of stuff.”

“JARVIS is soft on you.”

“No, he’s not.”

“Yes he is. He's almost as bad as Rhodey.”

Toni sighed.

Natalie walked forward and tried to hand Toni what she assumed were the papers from the legal team. But even if she rationally knew what it was she still flinched back.

“I don’t like being handed things.” Toni explained, “Can you put it on the table?”

“Oh. Yes ma'am,” Natalie said placing it down.

“Oh yuck, just call me Toni. We’re like the same age.” Toni leaned forward and signed the papers, and smiled at Pepper. “Now you're the boss.”

“I’m the boss?” She said returning Toni’s smile, which much to Toni’s annoyance made her stomach swoop. Apparently, that crush she had was not going away and it was really frustrating.

“Yup. Can you stay for dinner?”

“What are you ordering?”

“Actually I’m trying to learn to cook. So I'll make some Pasta. Apparently, cooking is a good skill to reintegrate into life, connecting with the body something, something.” Toni waved her hand as she walked stiffly into the kitchen.

“JARVIS better make sure you don’t burn the water,” Pepper said

Toni shook her head. It was quick work to make spaghetti, not something hard to do. Having Pepper with her made it more enjoyable, though. While Toni was working on making the pasta, she watched Natalie from the corner of her eyes. Something was off with her. Even with a permanently distracted state of mind, Toni could clock signs of Natalie not being what she seemed.

She was really stiff, unnaturally, so. Most people would be really fidgety when in a new place. She didn’t look uncomfortable, per se, and she wasn't so comfortable that it seemed like she had no emotions at all. Natalie just seemed...chill. Toni decided to test Natalie. Was it nice? Probably not, but she needed to figure out what was going on.

“So, Natalie, where are you from?” Toni asked.

“Ashland Oregon.”

“I’ve only been to Portland. Do you have any siblings?”

“No, I’m an only child like you. I’m not really close to my family.”

“That sucks. But friends are so much better than family, if your family’s shit.”

“I just moved here so I’m not close with anyone yet.”

“Well this is kind of a crazy place to meet people but the parties are still really fun.”

“Ah, partying hasn’t been my thing recently.”

“Recently? So was there a time it was?”

“Well, I had a bit of wild stage in high school and college. But I got my head back on straight at the end of college. I had to make sure to get good enough grades in class to get a job like this. ”

“What was your poison of choice?”

“Rum, weed the usual stuff”

Toni traced her eyes over Natalie, there hadn’t been enough pause, hadn’t been enough shame. She did smile, though, and lean into the table. Gave Toni a bright smile. It was charming, and she was for sure hot, but Toni knew fake people, had lived with them.

After eating Toni sucked in a large breath. It was time to enact the next part of her plan.

“Hey, can I show you something in the lab?” Toni asked.

“Sure. Visiting the lab is always a mix of cool and a disaster” Pepper said, turning to Natalie who shrugged and slid off the chair.

Down in the lab, Toni sat in her chair glanced behind her. Both women were watching her expectantly. Toni clicked on the keyboard and the design for her next Stark Pad came up.

“In between my Iron Queen life and having to go to your meetings I actually finished this design.” Pepper walked forward and slid through the specs on the screen. While Pepper was looking away, Toni kicked her foot under the table and caused a pile of stacked up raw material and tools crash to the ground. Pepper jumped and yelped like any normal person should. Toni watched Natalie closely as the redhead also quietly jumped, and then quickly assumed a fighting stance. Natalie’s eyes snapped around the whole room, not to the site of the crash. Yeah, she wasn’t someone ex-party girl PA.

Great, someone was in her house who was lying to her about, well, maybe about everything. Why did people keep making her life so fucking complicated?

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englass · 5 years ago

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Oh, could I request John letting the deputy hold him because he understands she's going though a lot atm. :^) thanks for reading.

No worries hun! Thanks for sending this in! 😁 It took a while, but I had fun with it nonetheless. Kind of ended up running away with the idea, but I hope you enjoy it!

– – –

When Rook had gotten in that plane, as prepared as she could be with a freshly tattooed chest and a determined glare for the dogfight that was about to go down, she hadn’t exactly considered what could happen.

Sure, she hoped that she’d win. That she would finally free the Valley from the tyranny of John Seed by the end of it all, knocking him off of his high horse, and hopefully without that much bloodshed if at all possible.

But what she hadn’t considered was if things went wrong.

With a strangled gasp Rook hobbles toward the panting John Seed, his tailored clothes scuffed and dirtied, as he rests against the trunk of a tree. Eyes closed and head tipped back with both hands in his lap, radio tossed and abandoned at his side. Despite his ruffled appearance anyone would think that he just did a lap around his airstrip instead of get in a literal, and verbal, dogfight with somebody. He near enough looks unharmed.

Lucky prick.

Rook stares at her nemesis, usually groomed hair now tussled, before leaning heavily against the same tree that he’s up against. Sliding down until she’s sitting next to him and mirroring his actions; head tilted skyward with eyes closed, pained groans slipping through stilted breaths every now and again.

Despite sitting next to the infamous ‘reaper’ of the Valley, Rook can’t help but feel nothing but calm, strangely content as the warm afternoon sunlight flitters through the gaps in the leaves above, shinning down on the both of them with speckled light. Considering how cold it’s gotten the warmth is a welcome blanket for the shaky Deputy.

“Ya know,” she starts with a wince, holding her side, “despite it all, that was actually kinda fun.” There’s a fractured laugh underling her tone, mirth trying to break through even as she sucks in a stuttered breath between gritted teeth.

John scoffs, not even sparing her a glance, “I think you need to rework your definition of ‘fun’, my dear Wrath.”

“Says you,” she says accusingly, “I hardly think you’re one to talk, what with the type of stuff that you do to people.”

“What I do, Deputy, is not for my own pleasure, but for the salvation of sinners like yourself,” he replies with a snip. “I have told you this numerous times and yet, even in the wake of your atonement, you would rather still be barred from the Gates of Eden and condemned to an eternal damnation than swallow that filthy pride of yours. I only want to help you, Deputy, to give you a new and better life amongst the project; if only you would just say yes.”

“Oh leave off, John,” Rook whines, “I’d rather not talk about atonement and crap while I lay here dying.”

“Oh please,” John grouses, finally looking toward her, “like you’re actually–” he pauses, words dissolving on his tongue like powered tablet. His ocean eyes going wide as they glue themselves to the jagged piece of metal sticking out of her side; crimson painting her shirt, staining the hand that presses under the metal with a noticeable tremble, a vivid red.

“Huh, that bad eh?” Rook weakly jokes, watching the emotions dance hectically across his face, changing as quickly as the current, before looking skyward once again, pointedly refusing to look down at herself. She winces at a jolt of pain. “That’s reassuring.”

“Deputy...” the youngest Seed flounders, unable to look away from the sight she makes; caught in a trance as any harboured animosity fades to ash. There’s no way the Deputy – his deputy – could be dying, there‘s just no way. A piece of metal couldn’t stop them, surly. They’ve been through worse than this, he knows they have. He can’t lose them now that he’s finally got them, that wouldn’t be fair. That’s not fair...

John’s quick to snap back to reality when he hears the Deputy gasp, her free hand pressing into the ground beside him as she attempts to move herself.

John doesn’t spare a thought before he’s grabbing her.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He hisses in a rush, “stop moving, you will only make it worse!”

“A little late for that, I‘d say,” she grumbles lowly. “Now let go, I’m hardly going anywhere.”

Really such a fact should’ve had John vibrating, excitement twisted into something cruel and consuming, but he finds himself feeling the furthest from that than what he ever thought he might do. Seeing the Deputy like this was making him feel rather ill, a nasty sensation curling low within the pit of his stomach.

Also, were they always that pale?

So focused on his own conflicted thoughts and absent observations, John doesn’t notice when the Deputy edges a little closer to him; shimmying into his side.

With a whimper Rook moves her free arm, slipping it behind and around John’s back to grip and hold as much of his jacket as she can. Her head falling heavily to rest on his shoulder with a pained sigh.

John freezes at the touch, the familiarness of it making him feel a touch uneasy; a tad nervous. He doesn’t remember the last time someone had held him in such a way, if ever at all even. It’s completely foreign to him. And he especially never expected this type of gesture from the elusive deputy of all people, despite how much he might of dreamed and secretly hoped for it on lonely nights with only his hand for company.

But, even more so, he never envisioned a situation like this – so potentially dire – to be the one where his dreams finally became a reality. Or at least as close as he was possibly going to get them to reality anyway.

What a living nightmare this day was turning out to be.

“What are you doing?” The question is a lot quieter this time around; softer than he intends it. A breath of a secret shared between friends, or unrequited lovers.

“I’m pretty sure I’m dying, John,” Rook tells him bluntly, gaze distant and watery as her grip grows tighter, “and believe it or not, I’m actually really fucking scared right now, so if you could just shut up and let me find at least a little bit of comfort in you before I die then that’d be great.”

There’s a weighted pause filled only with the shimmering of leaves and unsteady breaths.

“Comfort, from me?” The baptist jokes derisively, “you really must be scared then...”

Yet, despite his tone, Rook can still hear the unintentional lilt of hope that’s layered within the question. The hope that maybe she, or anyone really, could want something so simple yet meaningful from him; something so soft and genuine.

And, not for the first time, Rook can’t help but feel sorry for the complicated man next to her. Memories of her makeshift baptism, the look on his face as Joseph walked away from him, fluttering to the forefront of her mind. If only life had given him a better hand.

“Yes, John. Even from you.”

There’s a broken sound that comes from him, a whine or a laugh she isn’t sure. Yet, the sound quickly slips from her mind when she feels his own arm come around to grip her shoulder, hesitant at first before hugging her closer, his head gently leaning to rest on top of hers.

The hand gripping his jacket is covered by his own, pulling her away – she whimpers pitifully at the movement, weakly holding on, “shh, it’s okay, Deputy. I’ve got you” – only to draw her hand up to his face. Fingers interlaced he kisses the palm of her hand before placing it over his chest, holding it there as his thumb brushes back and forth in a soothing motion; a silent reassurance.

If someone had told her a few weeks ago that she’d be hugging John Seed after being impaled by a piece of plane shrapnel, she likely would have scoffed and sarcastically entertained them. If not straight up laughed at them. Funny, she supposes, how life’s turned out for her.

“You’re not going to die, by the way,” John suddenly says, breaking the hush that had fallen between them, “I won’t let you.”

Once upon a time, Rook might have rolled her eyes at how childish he sounds, a little kid getting ready to throw a strop. However, the Deputy has had enough interactions with John Seed by this point to be able to gleam when he’s being serious.

It’s a little scary in its own right, hearing that cold shift that sends chills down her spine, but ultimately she decides to ignore his self-made promise. There’s nothing she can say to it.

“I hope I don’t,” Rook says honestly, “there’s still stuff I wanted to do.”

“Like what?” He asks conversationally.

The Deputy huffs around a laugh, weak and slightly derogatory, “it’s stupid really, but would you believe me if I said that I wanted to get married?”

“Married?” John’s chest does something funny at the thought. “You? Forgive me, deputy, but you hardly seem the type.”

“Wow, really? No offence John-no, but you do realise that I’m more than just a Deputy wrecking your shit, right? I have dreams and hopes for the future too, ya know? And besides, what do you know; you don’t even know me.”

“I know enough.”

“But enough isn’t a full picture, is it?” For a moment the Deputy goes quiet, and John can practically taste the bubbling bitterness in her next words. “How old am I, what’s my favourite colour, my favourite film; what was my first car, my first pet. Hell, does anyone even know my name...?”

It’s embarrassing really, allowing something so small and arguably petty to colour her the way it does, but if she really is about to die then surly now is as good a time as any to get her grudges and grievances out there. Confess, as John would put it it. After all, she’s done so much for everyone, got so much blood staining her hands (both figuratively and literally), and yet not one person has even asked for her name.

She’s a title, she knows that, has since this whole thing started, but bleeding out has a way of forcing things into perspective it seems. She’s going to die in the arms of her greatest enemy and no one is even going to be able to mark the grave because no one even knows her fucking–

She stills; tenses. Breath catching as she does so, but she pays the pain it causes no mind. Focusing only on the ring of John’s voice, his tongue curling around a name she didn’t think she’d ever hear again from another; didn’t think he even knew. Just how did he...?

“... what?” She sounds so small, so much like she did as a child, but she doesn’t care. Did he really just...

He pulls her closer, turns slightly to whisper her full name into her hair, lips brushing against her lightly as he does so. “That is your name, isn’t it?”

Rook sniffles, her breaths quickly becoming shallow and shaky as she presses further into John, burying her face as far into his neck as she possibly can. Hiding herself as tears begin to trail down her cheeks in lonely streams. Her retort is weak and warbled.

“Shut up.”

And, surprisingly, John does.

Although it might not be ideal, not at all how he hoped for them to come together, but for the first time since he can remember John feels what he believes to be genuine content. More than happy to offer his deputy all that he can give them in this uncertain, but surly fated, moment. This had to be destiny at play, he was certain of it. This was meant to happen.

And as he listens to her cry quietly, feels her sag and flinch in pain and anguish against him, waiting for his followers to hurry up and find them, not once does his hand let go of hers.

#i hope it’s okay?#i wanted something kinda sad but comforting #also #i hate dialogue #but i’m trying to get better at it #doubt i’m succeeding mind you #but i’m trying #my gorgeous murder husband #john seed #john seed x female deputy #john seed x deputy #john seed x rook #fanfic #fanfiction #my writing #anonymous #request

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bma-2020 · 5 years ago

Text

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

#out.#illness cw #health cw #food mention #ive been writing this since noon and its now two pm so this is great #i’s usually put this under a read more but... maybe most people dont deserve a read more rn lol #their behavior will keep being awful if its not pointed out to them so #im done im gonna go welt up from hugging my cat and cry for a bit because i feel mean

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aaronhart93-archive · 5 years ago

Text

discord II text Roman & Aaron

Discord thread featuring: Aaron and @romanbeckett

Mentions: @davieslandon @malakhai-ozera @jayceelynd @alison-haynes

Where: Aaron is at his house and Roman is at his house.

When: evening of May 26th-monrning of May 27th, 11:30p-2:30a

Description: Roman texts Aaron and they talk all night until they both fall asleep

Trigger Warnings: smut, what I would imagine harry’s peen to look like, really cute shit

Roman.

Hey.

Aaron.

Roman.

Khai broke up with me, so. With us.

with Jay and I. And he left.

Aaron.

oh my god...im sorry Ro

Roman.

Can’t say I didn’t see it coming.

Aaron.

what did he say? Like why...?

Roman.

He told us that he loved us but needed time to work on himself or whatever.

Aaron.

I don’t know Khai that well but it does seem like he’s got a lot of shit to figure out

how are you doing with it?

and jayc? Should I reach out to her or....does she not know we’re talking

Roman.

you can talk to her if you want. I think we both just don’t really know how to feel to be honest.

Aaron.

im sorry

i hope he's okay

and i hope you and Jayc are okay too

Roman.

don’t be lol honestly Aaron, I set myself up for it the second I agreed to close myself off, knowing all of the issues I need to work through as well

contrary to popular belief, I’m far from having it all figured out.

Aaron.

that makes two of us

that was quick tbh

Roman.

Yeah. I just feel like an idiot.

Aaron.

what no....thats not what i meant

Roman.

anyway.

how are you

Aaron.

okay....no please dont feel like an idiot. its his fault not yours

im....okay....getting better than i was last week

miss you though not gonna lie

Roman.

I miss you, too. A lot.

Aaron

im sorry

idk why i am i just feel like i need to apologize

Roman.

you have nothing to be sorry for lol at all

if anything, I’m sorry.

for bringing you into all this drama

and making you eat at a Chinese buffet lol

Aaron.

making me eat at a Chinese buffet is the only thing you have to be sorry for

also

i inserted myself into this mess as well. and didn't pull out once i realized who you were to landon

Roman.

does it make me immature if I laugh at you saying you didn’t pull out once?

Aaron.

YES BUT IM HERE FOR IT

Roman.

I might just be high, but now I can’t stop laughing lol

Aaron.

sksjks

im sober and laughing so

well not sober

i had a few drinks

Roman.

everyone knows you’re a lightweight Aaron, stop tryin’ to be sly lol

Aaron.

who you callin a lightweight, lightweight?

Roman.

only when I haven’t eaten anything LIGHTWEIGHT

Aaron.

https://tenor.com/view/uncalled-gif-5394176

michelle tanner voice

Roman.

You miss me. Just a reminder.

Aaron.

you miss me

another reminder

Roman.

I’m not the one calling you rude lol

Aaron.

you called me out for being a lightweight and i retaliated

forgive me

Roman.

you’re in denial is what you are :fingerguns2:

but I’ll forgive you.

Aaron.

idk you'd think for how much i drink i'd have a higher tolerance

i need therapy

Roman.

probably lol I’ll go with you

Aaron.

lol couples counseling?

Roman.

I actually think it would be quite funny to see what they have to say about US

Aaron.

i need a therapist to tell it like it is

then again i do have ali

that woman calls me out on my shit literally daily

maybe shes just a free therapist

Roman.

LMAO that’s...amazing. I like her already.

Aaron.

she do be driving me up a wall

but

shes family

Roman.

Ah, family. I’ve been trying to get my sister here, but she’s being an ass lol

Aaron.

asshat

who wouldn’t want to move to New York

Roman.

satans demons.

Aaron.

exactly

whats keeping her from coming?

Roman.

she’s not as hellbent on big cities as I am lol

Aaron.

weird

city life has always been for me

arent you from manchester? is that not a big city?

Roman.

it’s not New York lol

she lives in the country now though.

Aaron.

no city is new york

Roman.

exactly lol

Aaron.

what are you doing

besides getting high

Roman.

I’m naked on the couch eating cherry gilato while watching good mythical morning on YouTube

Aaron.

i would very much like to be naked on a couch with you

Roman.

I painted my nails and did a facial first lol i could do yours as well

Aaron.

ill take the facial

i couldn't pull off the nails though

Roman.

you’d look so kickass with some black nails

Aaron.

you think?

Roman.

hell yes. Even a sky blue, like those eyes

Aaron.

i blush

maybe we can try the toe nails first

in case I end up hating them

Roman.

OH, I’m also trained in Swedish massage, head to toe. If you want a personal spa day

Aaron.

that would just give me a boner

Roman.

well, it’s a FULL body massage after all.

Aaron.

sksjsks

dont tempt me

Roman.

Aaron. I just.

is it bad that I don’t want to stay away from you anymore?

that’s a dumb question

I know it’s bad.

Aaron.

its not dumb

I don’t want to stay away from you either

but I promised Landon

Roman.

I know. So did I.

You’re right, I’m sorry.

Aaron.

he’s my best friend

dont be sorry

im glad you’re being honest with me

I just don’t see Landon being okay with this anytime soon

Roman.

I know! I know. He’s mine too, and I care about him more than I care to admit. I shouldn’t be like this.

Aaron.

damn this is fucked up

Roman.

I shouldn’t have said anything

Aaron.

I wish this could be easier

im the one that started with the boner references

Roman.

Not really. I offered you a massage

Aaron.

okay yes but

I told you I wanted to be naked with you

Roman.

because I said I was naked

Aaron.

I just don’t want you blaming yourself that’s all

Roman.

I know, but it is what it is. I made a mess of everything, and now everything I had is ruined lol I deserve it.

Aaron.

I’m sad you think so little of yourself

Roman.

I don’t. It’s just consequences. I made bad decisions, and now I have to deal with the consequences. That’s all. It’ll all be okay.

Aaron.

I wish I could make you feel better

Roman.

you already do. I promise.

Aaron.

I just smiled

Roman.

show me?

Aaron.

sure

Roman.

omg bad idea my heart

Aaron.

oop

Roman.

you’re so fucking jahshsbzjdndjendj

Aaron.

AKDJDJAKALhdja

Roman.

I’m mad at you

for looking like that

Aaron.

Well i can’t stop thinking about u

Roman.

let me just

Aaron.

yeah I kept drinking

and as we’ve established I’m a lightweight

okay I showed you a selfie now you should be a selfie

Roman.

oh yeah? Trying to boss me around again are ya?

Aaron.

do what daddy says

Roman.BOTToday at 2:02 AM

yes daddy.

Aaron.

brb gotta go jack off

Roman.

stoppppp

Aaron.

not kidding

Roman.

you don’t need a better picture than that to do the deed

??? Lolll

Aaron.

I mean....you could send me some

Roman.BOTToday at 2:09 AM

Does this help?

Aaron.

holy fuck

ugh I wanna fuck you so bad

and put all of you in my mouth

Roman.

I want it too. I shouldn’t, but I do. I want you to fuck me with my hands tied behind my back, and you pulling on my collar from behind.

Aaron.

fuck don’t put those thoughts in my head or I’ll act up

I wanna tie you up so bad

and punish you for being so naughty

Roman.

I’d want to call out your name so loud, but you’d have to let me.

Aaron.

you can’t do anything without my permission

Roman.

I’ll do my best daddy. You know I like to make you proud.

Aaron.

Ro I just came into a sock so hard

I want you so bad but the fact I can’t have you makes that even hotter to me

Roman.

forbidden fruit, hm?

Aaron.

you’re my forbidden fruit for sure

Roman.

wish I could have been there to help

Aaron.

you did enough helping trust me

Roman.

are we terrible people lol

Aaron.

I know

we are

im trying though

so that’s gotta count for something

Roman.

I hope it does, for both our sakes lol

Aaron.

if this doesn’t work out we can always be together in hell

Roman.

that sounds like a rightful ending

at least I’ll be tan.

Aaron.

we’ll both be hot and tan chilling in hell together

and we can fuck all we want

Roman.

sounds like the next big Netflix series.

Aaron.

could you imagine a Netflix series about us

Roman.

no, I’m scared to lol it would be more insane than Tiger King

Aaron.

you think our lives are more insane than Tiger King?!?

Roman.

scary, right??

Aaron.

thats definitely...quite the comparison

Roman.

I would have loved to have seen your face watching it for the first time

Aaron.

watching that together would have been so fun

I can picture us watching that and freaking out together

Roman.

maybe one night we’ll trip acid and watch it again

Aaron.

confession I’ve never tripped before

Roman.

whaaaaaa

do it with me!

Aaron.

I mean yeah I used to do a lot of coke when I got drunk and sometimes still do but that been the extent of my drug use

hahaha I will trip with you, Roman Beckett

Roman.

aces! Just tell me when and where, and it’s a plan!

Aaron.

”aces”

but yeah let’s do it this weekend

Roman.

I’m British you knob. Shut up lol

Aaron.

I know MATE I was making fun of you

Roman.

sends long audio clip making fun of Aaron’s New York accent

Aaron

brooooo

I do say that though

Roman.

I know, I’ve listened to you talk enough

it’s cute though

ready for bed?

Aaron.

just about

I was gonna go to bed a while ago but wanted to keep texting you

Roman.

same.

tuck me in lol

Aaron.

do u want me to tell you a bedtime story

Roman.

yes, but make it snappy

and I want warm milk

Aaron.

damn

so bossy

but okay

Roman.

you know I’m spoiled.

Aaron.

that must’ve been my fault

okay Des like this one:

By the African river, know as the Nile The sun fell away and it rested a while The rhinos had braved all the smoldering heat They lay down to sleep as they wiped off their feet The elephants marched to their elephant beds And gently they rested their elephant heads Slowly the hippos sank into the river The water so cold that it gave them a shiver (Hippos can't swim, like the pelicans think They also can't float, they could easily sink) The hippos went bathing in cool, shallow pools Thinking the rhinos and elephants fools Underwater, they fell to the soft river bed On darkish green plants with a smidgen of red They strolled on the bottom, then bounced up for air They did it for hours, without any care The fish followed closely, and wove in an out Under their belly, and up to their snout Each of the hippos came up to the shore To feed on the grass by the river once more They dried off their bodies by shaking and stomping And took bites of grass, chewing and chomping With night fading fast, they were full from the feast The sun returned back, rising up form the east The hippos crept off to collapse for the day While rhinos and elephants got up to play Enjoying the warmth of the sun and its light Never knowing the story of hippos at night

just read it in my New York accent you’re so good at

goodnight Lois

Roman.

that was perfect. Goodnight Clark.

#discord #roman #text

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sky-writes-daydreams · 5 years ago

Text

Fictober Day 19

Yes I know! I’m late again. Family came in and gave me no time to write. So We’ve got a treat today! Two fics for the price of Three prompts!

Prompt number: 19

Fandom (AU if applicable): Uta No Prince Sama

Rating: G

Warnings/Tags: Mild cussing, A lot of fluff, Camus, Oc/ Reader

I had to help. I couldn't stand to see her like this. A normally clean room was now trashed. Fabric covered every surface and needles were in the wall. Sky was kneeling focused before kicking the stand away growling.

"Fuck this!!!" I sighed then before stepping in and getting her shoulders. God she was tense. Barely even eight am and she's already a mess.

"Come on."

"No. This is due tomorrow!"

"Tell them there's no way."

"Camus I can't!!! I've already had an extension!!"

"And you'll get another."

"Says who?"

"The one who will be wearing it." She rolled her eyes then and got free from my hands. She rose quickly taking off her needle holder and the measuring tape.

"Cam… this and three other pieces are due in the next week. I don't have time to take a break! I need to focus!"

"And yet you've pricked yourself how many times? And isn't your machine jammed?"

"Hence why I'm sewing it by hand." I pulled out my phone then.

"Then I'll make this easier on you."

"Who the hell are you calling?" I smiled then as I hit the number. She came over but I held out a hand.

"Camus. What's going on?"

"Your fashion designer. Her machine jammed and won't be fixed for another two days. She's been hand sewing for twelve hours."

"What!? SKY ARE YOU THERE!? ITS DAVID!" I put it on speaker then.

"He's holding me back so yes!"

"Why didn't you call sooner!?"

"Because I had it! He's been overprotective!"

"For a reason. No. Nat can do the cape. You've got to machine dew that material. It'll slide too much in a hand!"

"Yeah I noticed…. Fine. But the others…"

"Got pushed back. Take a damn break. I see you in the office tomorrow I will send you straight home."

"David!"

"You heard me. Now I've got to go." He hung up and I saw the shock in her eyes.

"You did not just do that."

"I believe I just did. Now do me a favor. Get dressed. I need help out in town today."

"Yeah ok…. Fine." She huffed a bit then brushing back her hair.

"You didn't have to do that."

"It's eight am, you're bleeding and screaming curses. Yes I did." I kissed her head then.

"My shower. Then we leave and get breakfast. I know a spot."

"Oh? And what about this favor?"

"After breakfast." She just laughed then and got some clothes before following me back to my room. I'd make sure her room got cleaned before she came back. I didn't want her to think about work at all today.

God what game did he think he was playing? That was a mean trick. Needed… but still mean. At least I got to see him. That's the important part. Going on two weeks without us spending any time together. I had honestly missed him. I walked out of his bathroom to find him on the phone.

"He does? Oh dear…. Yes I had planned on it anyway. Yes that's perfect. I'll be there around noon? Excellent. See you then." He hung up then and smiled.

"What's that smile about?"

"Hm? Just checking in on something. You'll find out soon. You ready?" I nodded sitting down in his favorite chair to pull my boots on.

"Yeah. Whats on the agenda?"

"Brunch. Then I've got a fitting for a new suit. It's casual wear so don't." I went to pout at him but he had that look. I huffed a bit then and nodded.

"Fair. Then?"

"Walk in the park. Why not? It's a gorgeous day. Plus I need to get my boy out." I stopped then.

"Your boy…?"

"Yes?" I glanced to his desk then. I had a feeling who he was talking about. In the photo he always kept there of his queen, there was a gorgeous puppy on her knee. He had once told me his name was Alexander.

"Alex?"

"Alexander yes. Why?"

"... you're going to let me meet your puppy?" I looked up at him then. Camus was confused.

"Why not? I meant to have done it sooner but he fell ill. He's much better now…. You do like dogs right?"

"Like dogs?" I got up then and just beamed.

"I LOVE PUPPIES!" Camus laughed then and got my hand.

"Come then. Maybe meeting mine will help you relax." I nodded then wrapping my arm around his. He let me willingly as we headed out.

Brunch was honestly a lot of fun. I had never been to this cafe but the staff was kind and easily helped us find something to fit our cravings. He even got me a mimosa which was amazing. I could feel the knot in my chest relaxing the longer we sat there laughing and talking. He was perfectly relaxed and even gave a few young girls smiles as they glances over. He never did hide his appearance when out in town so everyone knew he was a member of Quartet Night. We kept it calm but he didn't hide us holding hands or him opening doors for me or pulling out my chair.

The fitting afterwards was at a small store. One you'd have to have a reservation to get into. They welcomed camus like an old friend and ushered us in. He was completely relaxed just talking with them all. I was gazing around seeing how many beautiful outfits were around. One caught my eye. Black skinny jeans, with a tight shirt with ripped shoulders with an ice blue heart in the middle. A leather jacket covered it all with a matching purse.

"You see something you like?" I jumped and looked up. Camus was giving me a questioning look but soon saw it.

"Oh… it's your style."

"Yes it kind of is." I smiled then.

"But we're here for you. Not me."

"On the contrary." I don't even get to give him an odd look before a lady is ushering me into a separate room. I can hear Camus chuckling before the door closed.

I wanted to surprise her. I could tell by looking at all of her closet, she had never had a tailored outfit to her body type. Well I wanted to fix that. She had done so much for me when it came to making me stage outfits and such. I let them do what they needed with me. I didn't fuss or argue, only offered suggestions on where a bit more space would be nice. They listened and soon had my order in. I went and sat by the window humming just watching and waiting.

Thirty minutes later, she came out. Hair tousled gently with light lip gloss as well, she was wearing the outfit we saw. Her boots matched perfectly and had even been shined. She leaned on the doorframe watching me smirking.

"So did you do this on purpose or spur of the moment?"

"On purpose. How does it feel?" She walked forward then and took a deep breath.

"It's weird… it fits. Like it's not too tight but it fits." She went in front of a mirror and checked out the side profile. Every curve she hid was there and I had to avert my eyes. I couldn't let her see me blush like that.

"I might need some more jeans like this… she gave me real pockets! Like my phone fits in these cam!" She turned then and showed me. I laughed a bit as she kept sliding it in and out.

"Damn… ya know I might need to do this to all my jeans."

"Wouldn't be a bad idea. You carry a lot of things after all." She shrugged then as I shook my head. She was a wonder, that was for sure. The owner came out then with a smile and my new coat. Only a minor altercation was needed.

"Try this on sir…. Oh my… is this your beauty?"

"Yes. Care to add hers on mine?" Sky stopped then.

"What?" I smiled then as he walked away to do so as I slid on my new coat. I went up to her and gave her a gentle kiss.

"You look this good and you think I'd let you leave here without it?" She made a small sound then before kissing me back. I just smiled and let her. They had my information on file after all.

He was such a wonder. A tailored outfit. Just for me. I couldn't believe it. Yet here I was, wearing such a thing. She had even offered to change the heart color but I wouldn't let her. The blue matched camus's colors perfectly. Even now sitting down, it wasn't too tight or anything. Wrinkles didn't stay and the pants didn't ride up. I didn't even need a belt anymore. It was on more for style than purpose. Soon tho, we were at his apartment. I had been here before to drop something off but I never went in. I had just met him at the door before leaving. This time I got to come in.

"Don't worry about shoes, we'll be leaving soon." I nodded as I came in. It was all simple decoration but what I did see spoke of softness. A lot of icy blues and silvers on a dark grey couch. Colors of home I guess. Then I heard the claws on the floor.

"Alexander stop!" A white blur came out of a back room and tackled camus making him laugh. A young man stumbled out of the hall panting.

"Sorry sir!"

"Nonsense. He knew I was home. Didn't you boy?" This dog was big. On his back legs, he reached all the way to camus's chest! He was smiling like a goofball tho before sitting down. Camus knelt and rubbed his chin.

"You have been a good boy Alexander? Hm?" He whined then and almost seemed to nod. Camus nodded then and looked back.

"Come say hi." I stepped forward then and knelt next to camus offering my hand.

"Hi alexander…" He gave me a curious look before coming up and kissing my cheek. I yelped then before giggling and petting him.

"Oh god you're soft…. Such a soft baby…" Alex whined then and sat down nudging me for scratches on his head. I scratched him gently smiling.

"Such a baby…. Oh cam…" I moved closer then as he laid over so I can rub his belly. I laughed and did so happily.

"Dear lord, he likes you."

"Yeah. That's a big deal?" The young man standing in the hall chuckled then.

"Took me three weeks before he would let me rub his belly. He lets some of the band members pet him but nothing like this." I looked down at the dog and he just gave me a look of pure love. I sighed then.

"Maybe he just knows who to trust… dogs judge people on who treats their owner well as well." Camus chuckled then and kisses my head.

"Sounds like he knows how much I love you then. So… shall we go for a walk? That way you can see how he really is." Alex perked up then and soon ran to the door and nosed his leash. I laughed then getting up and got it free for him and locked it on his collar. He was wagging like mad with such a big smile. Camus was a bit behind us but soon we were on our way to the park.

Alex was a dream. He was so well behaved. Even when a squirrel ran across the path, he just sniffed at it and kept walking. Sunset was slowing coming but we hardly noticed. We were just enjoying hanging out. Alex joined in sometimes with a bark or a small woof making us laugh before I leaned down to pet him. I could hardly remember why my shoulders and my chest had been hurting before today. The pricks on my fingers didn't even hurt anymore.

We stopped for ice cream right as the sun hit the horizon and got a few more laughs in as he tried to give me a spoonful or two. Alex had a pup cup and soon was dozing at our feet once his was gone. Sitting on a bench just watching the leaves dance in the wind, I couldn't help but hold Camus's hand and relax.

"Alright… I'll admit it…. You were right."

"Huh?" I smiled then.

"I did need this day off." He chuckled then.

"I know. Plus… I know dogs help at any point. I wish he could stay with us at the dorm.. but Shining said no." I pouted a bit then.

"Damn…. That would be awesome. I love dogs… and he's so well behaved!"

"I made sure he would be…. I love him so much… he's so smart as well."

"I've noticed. He listens very well." Alex looked up a bit then and I smiled at him.

"Yes you, you big pretty baby." He whined then moving closer before laying his head on my foot. I leaned down to pet him happily. Camus chuckled and did the same.

"We wore him out… better head home." I pouted then and Camus shook his head.

"I never said we were going back to shining. We have a weekend off for a reason." I perked up then and smiled.

"Does he cuddle?"

"As much as I do." I beamed then getting up. Alex followed and we headed home. I couldn't wait to be in the middle of that.

We had barely been home an hour. Sitting on the couch in pajamas, Her on my side and Alexander curled up by her feet. Her arm wrapped around mine with her eyes closed. An old show played on the tv giving a small amount of background noise as I got my phone out and got a quick photo. It was so rare to see her looking this peaceful. Alex looked up after the photo and I smiled.

"I'm glad you like her too boy." He whined then and nuzzled in. I just chuckled before sending it to the boys. I'd see their reactions in the morning. For now, I was just glad to stay here with my own little family.

#fictober19 #camus (utapri)#utapri #sky writes

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a-shameless-otome-rp-sideblog · 5 years ago

Text

looking for otome-based RP partners!

Hullo (hopefully future) friends! I’ve got a bit of a weird proposal.

(For anyone who saw the first one on my OTHER-OTHER side blog, this is redux, the 2.0, because that sideblog was TOO NEW to show up in tags and I am really hoping that this one shows up on this MUCH OLDER and REPURPOSED sideblog!)

ANYWAY, here blog isn’t and probably won’t ever be an RP blog. I’ve RPed on Tumblr a lot in the past (mostly in the Homestuck community, a few years back) and while doing so was a lot of fun, it was also a lot of work! Maintaining pages, bios, graphics, etc, is all stuff I seemed to have all the time in the world for a few years back, but I find I really just don’t anymore.

Unfortunately, I don’t really know where to find RP outside of Tumblr and cherubplay (thanks again, Homestuck!) either, but Cherubplay isn’t exactly the greatest for finding anything outside of just raw-doggin-it-smut-fests and while that can be, uh, fun, it’s not really what I want to focus on when I RP.

So why am I here?

DISCORD RP!!

I’m hoping to find other people who don’t really have time to run an RP blog (or who do have time, but also might be willing to dip their toes into doing it on Discord, too, assuming you aren’t already!) for some good time plotting and roleplaying!

Which I guess brings us to the meat of this whole thing… (more, of course, under the cut!)

WHAT WILL WE RP?

I’ve been real keen on otome lately and I’m really looking to play some canon boys to your MC or OC! While I’ve certainly had my fun playing girls before (mostly in WoW, or other MMORPG settings), I find I always prefer to play dudes, and (if you’d pardon this bit of arrogance!) I think I can be pretty dang good at it!

While I do occasionally ship MxM, it’s really only something I do with my best bro, so I’m sorry to disappoint, but I’m really only interested in MxF pairings atm! I hope that’s okay with everyone.

COOL, BUT WHAT SERIES? WHAT CHARACTERS?!

I’d like to say I have a pretty healthy familiarity with a lot of otome, but I’m not sure I’d be the hottest at RPing them all! If it can’t be guessed by my avatar, I’m kind of on a Hakuouki kick right now, so I’m partial to that, for sure, but for ease of readability and so you can get a good idea of what I’m open to, I’ll list them in some nicely formatted order.

Hakuouki Characters

Okita :: Okita is tied for my personal favorite Hakuouki dude with Sannan, but I think I’d enjoy playing him a lot more than Sannan (which isn’t to say I wouldn’t like to play him, too!). I’ve always been partial to smirky, tease-y boys, especially when they’re struggling with confronting their feelings.

Sannan :: Sannan speaks to my love of polite but cold characters, and it’s only a bonus that he’s a megane, which I’ve also always loved! As mentioned above, he’s probably tied with Okita as favorite Hakuouki dude, but I think Okita’d be easier to play.

Kazama :: Kazama is fun because I’ve always had a love for garbage can style kidnap-and-seduce plotlines if that was your kind of thing!

Saito :: I love Saito aesthetically and his personality is pretty rad and I’d rank him as pretty up their on faves, but I admit I don’t have overmuch experience when it comes to awkward slow-to-open-up kinda boys! I’m sure we could make it work though.

Other dudes :: I’d be willing to try honestly most anyone from Hakuouki but these are the ones above are the ones I feel most confident/interested in playing! If you’d like someone else, you can most certainly ask, especially if you have some kind of plotline you’d like to see!

===

Diabolik Lovers

Oh baby, yeah I am totally into this hot hot dumpster fire!

Reiji :: As mentioned, I love megane, and Reiji’s probs my favorite of everyone in the whole dang series. Older? Check. Smart? Check. Responsible? Check. Cold? Double check. Really fucking mean? Check. Smirky? Well, in the games, yes!

Shuu :: Sorry Reiji, but I also love Shuu. I might make him just a twinge OOC because his laziness might make advancing the plot kind of headachey, but other than tht, I love this loser.

Subaru :: Subaru, contrary to his third place on this list, is probably pretty close behind Reiji for favorites. Aggressive, ill-refined, totally willing to fight everyone – I admit I tend to play the more well-spoken and calculating kind of characters more, but I’d be willing to rock Subaru for you to the best of my ability!

Ruki :: I won’t say Ruki’s my favorite of the Mukami brothers but I like him a lot and I think I’d play him well!

Everyone else except Azusa and Kou :: Spoiler: I love Azusa to death and find him adorable but I don’t really relish playing openly masochistic characters, so he’s a no go unless we can work something out! Kou is – no offense, but I just really do not like Kou. As far as the famous Sakamaki triplets go, Kanato is one of my absolute all time favorites, and I’d be willing to play him with the right person… but we all know he’s kind of an absolute nutbag, so I’m hesitant to dump that on anyone! Ayato is a staple and Laito could be… like Kanato, I think I’d have to feel pretty assured by my partner they could handle the grosser parts of his character. Open to exploring it, however!

===

Amnesia

I’m not gonna bother sectioning everyone into neat little areas cause there is so few, but Toma is my favorite (I’m a real sucker for yandere, whoops). I’d be willing to play him, of course, provided my partner was comfortable with it! I’d also be willing to do Kent (my second favorite!), Shin and maaaaaaybe Ukyo. Sorry, I didn’t really care for Ikki – not because Ikki was bad (he was actually cool!) but because fan girl route characters drive me BANANAS.

===

Other fandoms :: Hit me up and ask if you want me to try anything! I might surprise you!

===

AND SO THAT LEAVES US WITH… WHAT WILL YOU PLAY?

Honestly, I’m gonna be real with everyone here: I love roleplaying because it’s like writing fanfiction with someone else, so it’s all the fun and self indulgence of fanfiction, but better, cause ya know – someone else is doing it with you! And I’m really here for the self indulgence, so please go ham.

Yeah, you can play the MC of the game, and I’d be cool with that! But honestly, I love OCs, and I’d love to hear about and plot with your OCs. I have some ideas for potential plots (especially for Hakuouki), but I’m also open to your ideas, too, and I think a lot of plots could work best outside the confines of a pre-established MC. Also, you get to show me your drawings/face-claims/whatever for your characters, and that’s pretty rad!!

Also, as someone had asked when I tried to post this on my previously non-functional blog, I’m also open to crossovers! I’m cool even if I don’t know much about the character -- you’ll just have to pardon my ignorance.

===

So, uh… RULES? RP STYLE? ETC? SOME POORLY ORGANIZED POINTS

+ Yeah, I’m deffo 21+ so ideally you would be too, especially if there’s anything like, remotely scandalous going on! I’m not too sure I feel very comfortable RPing with anyone younger than 18, mostly just because there’d be such a big age difference between us. Rest assured it isn’t because I think I’m better than you, or being ageist! It’s mostly just for my own sense of comfort!

+ Speaking of scandalous, I don’t push hard for anything super graphic unless that’s your style because I’m very much a person who loves drowning in the emotions of “holy crap does this guy really like this lady a lot”. I tend to be over indulgent as heck when it comes to inner monologues describing just how much your character makes mine’s heart go doki-doki, so expect a lot of that. If we start heading towards fuck-making of the graphic non-fade-to-black-variety, we should deffo discuss the sorts of things you discuss before those scenes! (Kinks? I GUESS???) But, as mentioned, it’s deffo not at all on top of my list of prerogatives. We need to BUILD for that!

+ My RP style tends to be 3rd or 2nd (lmao, Homestuck) person, present tense, a couple paragraphs to “oh my god, you can shut up now”. You can write however you like, with my only request being that you be passably literate! Not like, snootily literate. You get what I mean? I hope so. ):

+ As far as activity goes, I’m also fine with the Tumblr esque style of replying whenever you get around to it! If we both happen to be on for a barrage of replies, great! If we can only get one or two out a day, also great! I’m pretty easy going, honestly.

+ I love working in universe and also going mad with AUs. Find some cute starters or AU ideas on tumblr and you wanna throw them at me? I’m always open. From vampires where there are none to school AUs to coffee shop AUs I am willing to try most things, but note: I am primarily a fan of DRAMATIC ROMANCE so keep that in mind!

+ Want some kinda crazy love triangle where your lady is pursued by not one, BUT TWO DUDES? We can probably make it happen!

+ I run the gamut from fluffy and sweet romance to angsty yandere esque stuff, so please feel free to talk to me about what kind of dude you’d like!

===

A SAMPLE OF MY STYLE:

It has been months, Okita reminds himself. It has been months, and months, and more months on top of that – almost a year, maybe a little more, even, and as he sets his teeth behind that constant wolf’s grin, he thinks to himself: You should be better than this. You should be stronger.

But for all the time he’s spent with her, it has never gotten easier. No, no – it has only ever gotten worse, and it’s particularly bad now that he’s alone with her, now that she’s so close –

“Okita-san?” Her voice rings in his ears like a few plucked notes of some delicate string instrument, and he feels his lips part, his smile all teeth. She’s paused, midway between pouring him a cup of tea, and her eyes – ever and much too familiar – meet his with a hint of shyness Okita feels guilty for relishing. “Are you okay?”

“Worried about me, mn?” He rolls his head from one shoulder to the next, halfway between a shrug and a stretch, and tries very hard to resist the urge to pull her towards him, into him, that he might catch more of the rich perfume that lingers along the line of her throat. “You shouldn’t be.”

You should, he thinks, and not without a hint of guilt, be more worried about yourself.

===

ANYWAY, IT’S LATE.

I feel like I’m missing some garbage, but I’ll probably add to this tomorrow when I inevitably remember what I forgot! If you’re interested, send me an ask or a submission or a Tumblr… DM? We can work from there with regards to exchanging contact info!

#hakuouki rp #hakuoki rp #otome rp #diabolik lovers rp #amnesia rp #ikemen sengoku rp #hakuouki #hakuoki #diabolik lovers #amnesia #ikemen sengoku #i'm sorry for all these tags i'm trying for exposure #let's be real this probably won't even work #i might have to do this on like #my main blog #or my main side blog #the horror

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