#WHY DO THEY EXPECT ME TO HAVE TOLD THEM ABOUT MY TRANSITION

[a1kane]

i hate cis people i really do

[burreauxwrites]

“LOATHING” - (joe burrow x oc)

CHAPTER THREE - “thru the phone”

word count: 1.9k

warnings: 18+ (MDNI)! perv!joe, a wet dream happens, joe has a voice kink, jerking off, over the phone stuff…joe is just really horny this chapter 😭

winnie sighs as she walks into her physics class, spotting a seat next to joe and getting her things out. she had been pushed and almost trampled by all the tall students roaming the halls. it was annoying, but thankfully, she made it.

“god, winnie,” joe snickers, looking at winnie’s disheveled and frustrated appearance, “you look like you just woke up.”

“well. i did. but also, people roam the halls with no sense of awareness,” she groans, putting her book on top of her desk, “or urgency.”

joe chuckles, knowing that winnie hates getting to her classes. even when they were in middle school together, winnie struggled with transitioning between classes.

“yeah? well, that’s the life of a student for you.” he nudges her shoulder, getting a small smile from her.

oddly enough, there’s something about winnie. he’s not sure if it's the fact that she styles her hair, or if she does a bit of makeup, or if it’s her fidgeting. maybe it’s the small pout she does when focusing. but she looks…pretty. really pretty.

joe watches as kaori continues getting her things out, deciding to take a brief moment to speak up.

“hey…you got a volleyball game today, right?”

winnie looks at joe, nodding with a smile. “mhm…why?”

joe grins, raising an eyebrow. “i’m gonna come and watch.”

her gaze softens. truth be told, she really did want joe to be there. she would never say that part out loud, of course. that’s straight up embarrassing. but hearing that he’ll be attending the game did make her heart swell with joy.

“really?” she asks, leaning back in her seat, “i’ll hold you to that.”

“trust me. i’ll always be around if it means i’m supporting you.” joe affirms, his eyes gleaming with a specific fondness to them.

for a moment, a brief moment, the both of them were locking eyes. they may have been looking at each other for longer than necessary, but they couldn’t look away. it’s like they were magnetized.

the bell rings, interrupting their moment. despite this, they share a brief smile, their faces both being bright red.

———————

winnie was warming up with the team as more and more people filled the gym. saying she was nervous would be an understatement. nonetheless, she’s aware of what she needs to do. after all, she finally made the team! this was the exact moment that she’s been waiting for.

as she practices hitting and serving the ball, she notices joe walk in with his friends, ja’marr and justin. his hair is styled with a few curls against his forehead, and he is wearing a sweatshirt with some black joggers. though his outfit is simple, winnie finds it…attractive?

no. snap out of it winnie. now is not the time to be ogling your friend.

as she continues warming up, her friend alina noticed her staring.

“winnie,” she asks, “you don’t happen to like joe, do you?”

with a pause, winnie holds the ball, looking at alina in shock; she wasn’t expecting that question from her.

“no. we’re just friends. why?”

alina rolls her eyes, “just friends my ass.”

in an exasperated sigh, winnie serves the ball over the net. “we are! we go way back. we had a falling out, but we rekindled our friendship.”

“and? i just saw the way you looked at him.”

huh. she did? winnie didn’t think she was that obvious. nonetheless she shrugs. “i mean. it’s normal to find your friend good looking.”

“well,” alina pauses, looking at joe for a minute before looking back at winnie, “you do know that you’ll have to deal with emma, right? she’s crazy obsessed with joe.”

she scowls a little at that. that was a very true statement. winnie isn’t dumb; she’s aware of the fact that many women are attracted to joe on campus. and sometimes, he plays into their attraction. it was something she never ever understood, but she just knew that it was something that he did.

as far as emma goes, she stops at nothing when it comes to getting what she wants. she’d beg, borrow, steal, lie…whatever it takes. but winnie doesn’t get why that bothers her so much. her and joe are only friends, so even if emma does want joe, she shouldn’t care…right?

with a small shrug of her shoulders, winnie speaks, “she can have him.”

alina scoffs, knowing that winnie is putting up a front. she doesn’t press on the subject anymore though.

meanwhile, in the stands, joe was…struggling. ja’marr and justin were laughing about something, probably a dumb instagram post or video. but he couldn’t help but focus on winnie as she warms up.

the way her hair is tied back and her stare is so focused. it’s attractive to joe. but even worse (or better), it was something about those shorts she was wearing. they hugged her curves in the best way possible, leaving nothing to his imagination.

in a way, joe felt guilty for being the perv he was being. this is his friend he’s thinking about. but with winnie looking the way she does? he’s a goner.

“joe…? joe!”

snapping from his thoughts, joe looks at justin and ja’marr. “huh…?”

“you good? you were staring hella hard at winnie,” justin chuckles.

“eh. can’t say i blame him.” ja’marr shrugs, causing joe to slap his hand against his chest roughly.

“i was not staring.” joe denies, shaking his head and folding his arms.

justin puts his hands up. “i’m not judging, man. i mean, she does look pretty good from here.”

joe huffs, waving their words off. “okay, guys that’s enough. i was looking for a very brief moment.”

and as if on cue, justin and ja’marr share a glance at each other. without words, they seem to agree that joe isn’t being smooth like he thinks he is.

———————

their hands were all over each other’s bodies, their lips floating across the other’s skin. the feeling of winnie’s nails dragging along joe’s arms made him shiver, his spine tingling from the excitement and pleasure.

“god…joe,” winnie gasps, straddling joe’s lap as the two sit on his bed.

joe chuckles, his hand on her hip slowly drifting down to her panty-clad core and rubbing very small circles. just small enough to suffice, but still be a tease. and the sensation makes her legs jolt slightly, her lips slightly parted as a breathy “oh, fuck” leaves them.

“you have no idea what it does to me, seeing you in your cute little skirts and stuff,” he whispers, watching as winnie begins to grind against his hand slightly, “or…maybe you do have an idea.”

he takes his free hand, cupping her breast gently under her bra. a soft hum of approval at the soft, supple skin, his thumb massaging her nipple. “the way you act so innocent and nonchalant…but you and i both know what you want.”

winnie’s body trembles at joe’s teasing words and touches, her mind cloudy with nothing but thoughts of him. thoughts about his hands and his lips, thoughts of his eyes piercing into her.

“joe…please,” winnie mewls, looking at joe with a dazed, love drunk look.

“please what?” joe, smirks, leaning in towards winnie’s ear, “if you want me to fuck you, then you better say it loud and clear.”

and with that, winnie wastes no time, nodding and looking at joe, “yes…yes, please, joe! i-i want…need you to fuck me so bad,” she begs, her breath hitching with every pinch and touch joe leaves on her sensitive frame.

“alright, princess. but only because you asked so nicely.”

as joe hooks his fingers around winnie’s underwear-

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

joe shoots up from his bed, looking over at his clock on his nightstand and groaning. he slams his hand on it, turning it off and rubbing his hands over his eyes. he looks down and…

holy shit.

whatever that dream was, it did a number on him. he groans, looking at his morning wood in frustration. having a wet dream about your friend and now having to deal with a boner because of it was not on his bucket list.

he looks down and notices that winnie is calling. and so, he picks up the phone.

“hey, winnie…what’s up?” he asks, still drowsy and annoyed from his dream.

“not much, just…wanted to talk to you. i know we have a physics test soon and i was wondering if we could go over some stuff?”

of course, winnie was up early. studying. but she sounds so pretty and charming, like usual. it pisses joe of to no end, but it also…arouses him.

“sure,” joe nods, his hand slowly, oh so slowly moving down his body, “care to tell me what you remember so far?”

“yeah,” winnie answers, and joe can hear her rummaging through some notes, “so, we’re going over thermodynamics…”

joe would occasionally nod and go along as winnie spoke, hooked on every word she’d say. and he knows that this would be a perverted thing to do, but he can’t help it. not when winnie sounds so perfect.

his hand gently wrapped around his cock, and he swipes some of the pre-cum off the tip. he lets out a small groan as winnie continued going over her notes, stroking his length. the reality of what he’s doing causes his cheeks to turn red, but he doesn’t feel like stopping; he’s too entranced by her to stop. and plus he needs to release some tension from that wet dream.

“there are four different thermodynamic processes, and-”

“fuck…” joe moans, perhaps too loudly. because there’s a moment of lingering silence. “um-”

“joe…are you…jerking off?”

shit. he’s been caught. he can’t lie. winnie isn’t that dumb. she may be a virgin, but she’s not stupid.

“um…yeah?”

“oh…” winnie murmurs, though she doesn’t sound disgusted. rather…intrigued? she eventually speaks, “uh…so should i keep speaking, or…?”

“god, yes…keep talking,” joe nods, sounding a bit desperate, not that he cares.

though joe couldn’t see it, winnie’s cheeks were dusted over with a slight pink shade. she’s never had anyone be aroused by her voice, but it feels…nice? and besides, it’s joe.

“okay…so as i was saying, there’s four thermodynamic processes…”

soon enough, winnie could hear joe’s heavy breathing through her phone. the way he mumbled out small hums and curses made the hair on her body stand up. the thought if having such an effect on someone was a different, but good feeling. even if it was just a friend.

with a loud groan, joe finally comes, riding out his orgasm as spurts of cum land on his stomach and wrist. once he finished, he sighs, resting against his pillow.

“so…you good now?” winnie asks, waiting for joe’s response.

“yeah,” he pants out, “i am…thanks for helping out with that, baby.”

baby…? the name caused winnie’s heart to thump, and she didn’t know how to respond, other than a small “you’re welcome.”

joe looks at his phone, his eyes widening. “shit. i’m supposed to meet justin and ja’marr for breakfast,” he says, quickly sitting up and using some tissue to wipe himself off. “i’ll talk with you soon, okay, winwin?”

“okay…bye!” winnie replies, to which joe bids his farewell too, and hangs up.

as for winnie, she sits on her bed with her notes. her face is warm and her legs clenched together.

it seems like she too has her own little problem now.

we are so back guys :]

[impala124]

Bad Buddy 12

My thoughts on Ep 1 | Ep 2 | Ep 3 | Ep 4 | Ep 5 | Ep 6 | Ep 7 | Ep 8 | Ep 9 | Ep 10 | Ep 11

Me, at the end of this episode:

Oh, we have a 4-year time skip!! Interesting.

Pat, where is the Nong Nao doll? I don't see it on your bed. I need answers right now.

I like the transition from Pat putting down his toothbrush to Pran picking up his own. Very clever.

Pran, quick question: WHERE ARE YOU? I see the view in the background, and that's one of Singapore's most iconic buildings, if I'm not wrong, which is definitely not in Thailand. So, boy, what's your ass doing in Singapore?

At least he's still wearing The Watch, so I have hope. Pran's a yearner through and through, so I expected nothing less from him.

We all agree that Max is hitting on Pran, right? Pran's not having any of it, though.

Poor Pat, he doesn't look too happy when Korn and Wai mention revisiting the old days.

Not the fucking elevator flashback 😭😭. Oh no, the curry Pran made for him after he confessed that he liked him. Man, this shit hurts!!

I, for one, am not at all surprised that Pat joined his father's business after graduation. I could've told you that on the day we first met him.

Sidenote, but why are these 22/23-year-olds lamenting about getting old?

Guys, Pa graduated from university and is making a movie!! My baby's all grown up now!! *wipes tears*

Ok, Wai and Korn each have girlfriends. How about instead of saving for individual dowries, you both just ditch the girls and marry each other? Just food for thought.

But why aren't they bringing up Pat's love life? Is it still a touchy topic? I mean, it's been 4 years, and we don't know what reason they gave their friends for the breakup, though, so we shall see.

What do you mean someone else moved into Pran's room? It should've been preserved as a heritage site. Contacting the people at UNESCO ASAP.

Ink and Pa are on my screen together. My boys might be miserable right now, but at least my girls are thriving.

A high school reunion, you say? If I'm not wrong, Pat, Pran, and Ink went to the same high school. Are they going to MEET at the reunion????!

Wow, Ink misses her high school classmates. Definitely can't relate to that sentiment, bestie.

Pat, sir, is that a smile on your face at the possibility of running into Pran at the reunion?

Not Pat looking solemnly at the memory wall.😭😭

THIS IS NOT A DRILL. Pran is here at the reunion!!!

Okay, so just looking longingly at each other is all I'm going to get for now.

"But some things can never change." Pat, bestie, change is the only constant in life. Fuck everything else and go get your man!!

Are you really playing a game at your reunion if the prize up for grabs isn't something like an accommodation voucher for a night at a mid-budget hotel??

Not the trip down memory lane😭. Y'all are in the same room; talk to each other and put yourselves (& me) out of this misery.

A live performance, you say? And PRAN IS SINGING. Now, don't tell me it's the song he wrote to soft launch his feelings to Pat in high school.

Yes, he is. Pat, are you listening? I know you're hearing it, but are you LISTENING to it?

EXCUSE ME! What was that sweet smile you guys just exchanged? I need an explanation!! NOW!!!

A group photo with them being pushed towards each other, which could be a metaphor for the string of fate always bringing them back together. Love to see it.

Pat, let me introduce you to something called a cab. It's really effective in taking your friend's drunk ass home, especially when your ex is giving you THE LOOK!!

Okay, Pat's on the phone with Pa (probably?) and is complaining about being hungry. You know what you should do, Pat? Go to your favorite noodle shop and wait for your ex to show up so that you can talk things through.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S PRAN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR AND ON THE PHONE??!!! My brain is malfunctioning right now.

"You said you'd sleep at your house." What in the hell is happening right now?

Crisis averted, the Nong Nao doll makes an appearance on the bed.

Okay, Pran, I see you wearing your 'happy hour' shirt while complaining to your boyfriend (?) about Singapore's air pollution.

One thing about them: they are going to use the fucking sponsored makeup remover on the other. It's quite endearing, actually.

BB Product placement stays superior till the end.

I need an explanation, stat!! Are you still mad I didn't pick you up at the airport? What is that boyfriend-ass statement, Pat?

Pran just referred to Pat as his boyfriend. "We've been together for too long."

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY NEVER BROKE UP IN THE FIRST PLACE??!!! I need a minute to process this.

My reaction till now, everyone, is the fucking Kuleshov effect in action, with me thinking that both of them are sad because of their 4-year-long separation, when in reality, they are just boyfriends missing each other.

Aww, a memory wall in their home.

Finally, THE GUITAR PICK that Pat made for Pran all those years ago makes an appearance!

So, according to the photos on THE WALL, Pat actually visited Pran in Singapore.

I do hope we get a home tour at some point; I'm really interested in seeing how Pran's OCD self blended his life with Pat's messy ass.

Unknowingly, from two people who couldn't be friends, we became two people who were more than friends.

So, they lied to everyone by saying that they broke up and began Secret relationship 2.0

Not them holding their fucking pinkies together when they pass by in the hallway ASFDGHF—

Time and space are just a construct when it comes to me and my blorbos because remember what I said when they were dating in secrecy the first time? I told them that they should have at least one person they are both familiar with to be in the know about their relationship to maintain a successful secret relationship. And Pran IRREFUTABLY heard me because Wai, Korn, Pa, and Ink knew about them this time around. I bet Einstein didn't foresee this coming.

Aww, they even visited Uncle Tong and Junior after they graduated.

I love that the parents aren't still getting along, because in such cases where the rivalry dates back decades, it feels abnormal to not continue doing so. It's almost like sunk cost fallacy but make it about rivalry.

However, I do love the little detail of Ming having to back off during their car face-off because Ming was the one who stabbed Dissaya in the back, figuratively speaking, all those years ago.

Not Pran rubbing the shirt all over his body to ensure that his scent lasts for a while💀 My boy is an actual menace.

Pat, sir, what are you thinking sending thirst pics to your boyfriend AT WORK?

They even held their pinkies together in their high school reunion photo.

Oh, I'm a happy camper because all my ships are sailing smoothly. The irony of Wai and Korn running the bar (where they used to fight with each other on a regular basis) together is just 😂 😂

Wai and Korn are soft launching their relationship, and no one can tell me otherwise. See, Pat is also a KornWai truther.

Pa, sweetheart, Ink was pining for you since she was in high school. I don't think you need to worry about her straying.

Keep up with shoving your couple photos down everyone's throats, though, just because y'all are hella cute together.

Korn does look like a middle-aged Asian uncle when he is complaining about the rival faculties breaking tables. Oh, how the tables have turned.

Yes, Wai, it's your penance for all the mess you guys used to cause all those years ago.

"Guys, I don't mind if you want to fight, but you must get a lover out of the fight, just like me." STAHP IT

Pran went from ordering three wontons to four—that's how you know he's in a long-term relationship, accommodating your partner without any prodding from their side.

Pran's "I brought your dad a bottle of liquor" is a solid strategy. There is nothing Asian dads love more than receiving imported liquor, even if they don't drink. A sure way to win some brownie points.

Kissing in front of the trashcans!!!! Oh, how far they've come.

Ming once again being the most Asian dad to ever exist by just randomly flipping through the newspaper just to appear busy.

As much as I love to hate on his quintessential Asian dad quirks, he is the most relatable of bl dads for me. Is he perfect? No, but I don't think anyone can say that he doesn't love his son.

Ink is accepted by Pa's parents, which doesn't surprise me one bit because she's perfect. PERIOD.

The dinner scene at Pat's house is a callback to the dinner scene in the initial episodes, when the dad was telling Pat to not let the neighboring boy win at any cost. Oh, how the tables have turned! Now, Pat is trying to curry favor with his dad for the said neighboring boy.

MING TOOK A SIP. Told ya, Asian dads just can't resist imported liquor.

The question of Pran's guitar. Did Pat keep it with him this time around too??!!

Ming crossed the LINE to deliver the mail, and Dissaya saw it.

Awww, his mom put it on his bed, which goes in line with my theory about parallels between Dissaya accepting Pran playing the guitar and him loving Pat. So, I'll be taking this as silent acceptance from her regarding their relationship.

I think both of them are ready to bury the hatchet, TO AN EXTENT, for the sake of their kids happiness.

Going off on a tangent for a bit, but bear with me. Let me take a moment to thank @respectthepetty for training me into thinking of love whenever I see the color pink because, what was the paint color the fathers used to draw the boundary between their houses all those years ago? Yes, it was fucking pink. It means that the answer was love all along. They were MEANT to fall in love to bridge the rift between their families. Talk about 'born to be together,' which was the exact sentiment Pran wanted to convey through The Song in high school.

Now, Pat coming into Pran's room through the window is a clear callback to the time Pat did the same to return the watch after Pran saved Pa. However, then he did it to tell Pran to not act friendly towards him in front of others, and now it's to spend some time with him without hiding from anyone, even their parents.

"If not you, I won't allow anyone else to use it. Pran, when I catch you—

Not Pran, my resident menace, trying to wake up the green-eyed monster by mentioning that Wai may have used it before💀😂

Pran's dad providing the meta commentary with his "This show is just so good." comment.

Ah, forehead kisses, my beloved!!!

Man, the flashbacks to when they were kids overlapping with them right now are just the cutest.

Everyone gather around because I just had a very big-brained thought. Remember, in Ep 8, on the rooftop, Pat wanted to share their relationship with the entire world while Pran asked what's wrong with just wanting to keep it for themselves. What if, whatever happened with their relationship after that, was just exploring both their paths? They clearly tried Pat's way first because Pran cared about him, despite his worry, and it resulted in the Ep 11 ending. After that, they took Pran's way and we all saw how it panned out for them. It might've taken them four years, but their parents are kinda onboard with their relationship.

Now that we're on this subject, let me try to provide some context to Wai pulling down the curtain on their relationship. Not defending his actions, but me thinks it was very intentional that Wai heard Pran say that although he's worried about others finding out about their (Pat & Pran's) relationship, he's willing to take the risk because he cares about Pat more. Wai's vindictive ass heard that and went through his montage of Pran lying to me about his relationship with Pat moments in his head and decided to put Pran's words about caring about Pat more to the test.

We get a post-credit scene? Truly the gift that keeps on giving.

Of course it had to be on a rooftop! Wait a second. Pat's birthday is on 23rd April, and the first time Pat slept over in Pran's room is on 24th April. The psychological implications of it all (for me) can't be overstated!!

Pran, my menace-in-residence, was really showing his horny ass by saying, 'The winner can do anything to the loser.' Never change, bestie!!

Well, I got the house tour I asked for earlier. Fucking Architectural Digest could never.

They shut the door in my face, and I said thank you!!

Honestly, I don't think I've even processed the finale yet. It was very pleasing to my lizard brain, that's for sure. I need to sit with it for a few days, and I'll probably write something about my whole experience liveblogging this BB watch and my thoughts on some of the CHOICES made in the whole series. A sneak peek of few things that are marinating in my head are—

Pat associating Pran with home because he feels lost (I was only half-joking when I compared him to a lost puppy following Pran around).

The air of sadness around Pat that just goes unacknowledged for the most part.

Pran associating Pat with freedom because he feels burdened.

Pran feeling undeserving of Pat's love.

Like I said, I'll be thinking about them a WHOLE LOT.

Quick question: Were there any talks of a season 2? Because there are some easter eggs peppered throughout the series that deserve further exploration, and they definitely have issues they need to address and work through as a couple. This ending will only count as an HFN (happy for now) in my book. I'm putting this ending on par with the To My Star ending, and I adored To My Star 2, so there's that. Still waiting for To My Star 3, though that's a discussion for another day.

One thing I can say for sure is that I'm extremely grateful for the fandom that has welcomed me with open arms and engaged with all my ramblings each episode, because let's be honest, it was just a stream of consciousness.

I wouldn't have had nearly as much fun watching the series without you guys. I'll be camping out on the rooftop for so long that I'll be claiming squatters rights for sure!!!

Tagging the usual suspects: @shortpplfedup, @incandescentflower, @starryalpacasstuff, @7nessasaryevils, @greenteadumplings, @grapejuicegay, @madworld-bbs, @usodeshou, @tao-moonb, @fanatic-freakshow @desi-yearning.

[gor3sigil]

"But whyyyy did u transition if it's to be gender non comforming/still dress "like a girl"/not change your gender marker/yada yada"

Why ? Because I can. As privileged as it sounds, I want to show everyone that it's a path worth taking. Because I firmly believe that people should do whatever the fuck they want if it makes them more comfortable in their skin. Because I got told all my fucking life that my body didn't belong to ME, but to my future husband, to my parents, to society, and if I could eat back my freshly cut uterus you bet your ass I would. To show that I can cut up parts of myself and swallow them back if I PLEASE.

And you can too. You can choose for this path for yourself today, tomorrow, in 10 years, I'll be right there and I'll tell you "oh, nice to meet you !" If you want to start over or "nice to see you again" if you want to just go on. We can celebrate, we also can just smile and keep living like nothing has changed, whatever floats your boat, because I know that sometimes I felt like partying on a new birthday, sometimes I just wanted to feel like every thing was still in the same place has before. As I was changing, it was reassuring to see the world stay the same around me, like a steady floor I could jump on without it crashing down under my feet.

We're living scary times. But when I hear about the trans elders who came out in the 70s (thanks MardiPants for her testimonies), and see how few of them survived to tell their tales, I feel like we have wayy more ways to protect each other now than before.

So let's do it, okay ? Let's protect each other. And when I say that, let me be super clear: let's protect EVERYONE. If someone falls, we stop, and we help. We don't run ahead and expect people to catch up. If someone falls, we stay with them, and when they're up and ready to go on, then we walk together. This is the only way we'll ever make consistent, long-lasting progress, not the false victories that only benefit the Chosen Ones(TM). These victories aren't victories.

Take care of yourselves and keep a close eye on your community. Lend a hand if you can, when you can. Even if it's just one time, it can make a big difference.

[walkingstackofbooks]

Doctor Bashir I Presume AU where Julian transitioned during the Academy but never told his parents: (This totally got out of hand I'm sorryyyy 😅)

"What did you do to your lovely hair?" - Amsha's first reaction to seeing him in Sisko's office (He always wore a wig to visit them. This is exactly why.)

"You must be very proud of your son." "Our... son?"

Richard and Amsha trying to hide how unimpressed they are because they know it's socially unacceptable to be transphobic

(Not that they'd call themselves transphobic, of course. They have trans friends! But with Jules, well, it's different, isn't it? With all that they spent on her enhancements, there's no way her DNA would have been left with any... imperfections. And when it comes down to it, their her parents - they know her better than she knows herself.)

Amsha complaining at dinner how Julian hadn't prepared them for the shock of seeing him. "How could you do this to us? We were so embarrassed in front of your Captain."

(As if it wasn't them in the first place who had showed up totally unannounced 🙃🙄)

Richard saying that if Julian had told them he'd been having these feelings from the beginning, they might have been able to get help for him before he ruined his body.

Richard (angrily): "You've got some nerve, asking us to be careful with this Zimmerman chap! With the sort of risks you've been taking? Don't you realise how easily you could have been found out, all for some unnecessary surgery?" Julian (painfully restrained): "I don't expect you to understand, father, but it was necessary for me." Amsha (sadly): "Your father's just looking out for you, Jules. Try to understand that."

Misunderstandings abound when talking to Miles*, but eventually it's cleared up that Julian's parents are shit.

Cue a lot of anger (and a lot more anger than Julian thought anyone would feel. Because, you know, when you grow up knowing that your parents aren't the most accepting people, you figure that's just what some parents are like, rather than assuming yours are among the most outliers of outliers...)

Miles tells Julian he should talk to Sisko and get his parents kicked off the station. Julian's like, "That's a nice idea, but the captain can't just do that unless he's got a good reason" and Miles is like "You do know that persistently misgendering someone is literally a Federation hate crime, right?"

The Bashirs of course deny any wrongdoing. Richard gets angry, claiming "it's a family matter". Amsha starts crying about how unfair it all is.

"You have to understand, Captain -- she's been our daughter for over thirty years. We know Jules is angry with us but please, she knows that we love her really. If you could just let us talk to her--"

Sisko is fuming. "I might believe you cared if you had made any attempt to get Julian's gender right." "You don't know what it's like!" Amsha protests. "This is all so sudden!" "I know exactly what it's like!" Ben snaps back. "And I'll tell you, I didn't for a second consider telling Jake that I didn't believe him, or that he must be mistaken, or that he needed to be patient with my mistakes. In fact, I made sure as hell that I didn't make mistakes. There's no case here, as far as I'm concerned. You're both confined to quarters until the next shuttle arrives."

So I guess in the aftermath of all that, Julian's enhancements never get revealed. Even if the Bashirs were to make an apology, Miles would shut the hologram down, now he knows what Julian's parents are like.

But I think they probably feel too betrayed to try and make an apology, even a bad one.

So yeah, they're forced off the station and Julina actually gets, like, support and stuff from his friends!

Also, for like, a month afterwards, all of Molly and Yoshi's bedtime stories have trans main characters because Miles is low-key anxious about them ever starting to feel like Julian had about it not being okay.

(Keiko catches onto this and just happens to invite Julian around one night when it's storytime. Molly gets Julian to read her book. It's cute.)

(Afterwards, he enthuses about how he wishes he'd had books like that when he was a kid. And that's... sad.)

About two months later, when enough time has passed that Jadzia can pretend this isn't about Julian (although it totally is), Jadzia gets Quark and Jake involved in digging up some Earth history and holding a stationwide Pride celebration. (Julian appreciates both the gesture and the pretense.)

Garak makes some huffy comment to Julian about how "of course the Federation would have a whole festival devoted to degeneracy". Julian rolls his eyes and is about to take the bait, when he suddenly realises, "Wait, didn't Dukat once accuse you of being a degenerate?" "Wholly unsubstantiated claims, my dear Doctor." "Of course," Julian agrees sagely. "Although," he adds, a grin dancing across his lips, "if you ever find yourself wanting to substantiate them, Mister Garak..."

*The Misunderstandings:

"No offense, Julian, but you look wrecked. Is everything okay?"

Not meeting Miles' eyes, Julian takes a breath, as if to compose himself. "Let's just say that my parents are not exactly taking the news that I'm trans well."

In the moment, Miles chooses the wrong part of the sentence to focus on. "Wait, you're trans?"

Julian shrugs unhappily, a flash of anxiety passing over his face. "That doesn't... change how you feel about me, does it?" he asks hesitantly.

"'Course not!" replies Miles. "It's a bit of a surprise, I'll give you that, but-- No, sorry, I mean: what pronouns do you want me to use? Do you want to go by a different name?"

Before Julian can respond, Miles has another thought. "And what do you mean, your parents aren't taking this well? You're their son! -- Sorry, daughter-- offspring-- their child, I mean--"

"Hold up, Chief," Julian says, shaking his head in bemusement. "I'm still Julian. I'm very much a man. My parents just didn't know that until... yesterday."

"You never told them?"

"No."

"For how long?"

"Twelve years, if you're counting from when I first came out. More like twenty if you go from when I first knew."

"Jesus." Miles runs a hand through his hair. "Well, at least that explains why they're mad. That's an awfully big thing to hide from your own parents, Julian."

Julian grimaces. "I know," he replies, looking down. "It wasn't exactly brave, I guess but... I don't know. It was easier to cope with being misgendered because they didn't know, than being misgendered on purpose, you know?"

Being misgendered on purpose? This is such a bizarre statement, so at odds with what Miles knows of the world, that it takes him a minute to try and wrap his head around it.

"I'm lost, I'm afraid," he says eventually. "I can't, um-- Julian, what happened when you told your parents?"

[t4transsexual]

my friend, callie, had her funeral today. she committed suicide on halloween. nobody saw it coming

at first glance, it was very "her." everyone was wearing purple, there were train sets and a violin on the tables, but the names were under an old name she went by when she just started exploring her gender and her deadname. it seemed that no one had gotten the memo. they cut her hair a bit and buried her in scottish attire, which that bit was very appropriate

there was a preacher. callie was not a christian. he deadnamed and misgendered her the whole time. me and my friends (all trans, we mostly all went to school together, but we all knew her as callie) were just kinda mortified. the preacher asked if anyone had anything about her that theyd like to share, and since no one else was going to, i stood up. i said her name was callie, last i checked she was a trans woman, and i would refer to her as such. and then i read out the post i wrote about her, which ill put here:

"her name was callie. we met in high school before either of our transitions. she loved trains and wanted to work with them. she actually had a job before all this working on a train in dollywood. she was aggressive and assertive about who she was and that was beautiful. so many trans women are told they have to make themselves look small to be accepted and she refused to do that. she was the kind of butch that even if she was in a full dress and heels youd look at her and know shes a butch. thank you all for coming, and your friends would rather lift you up than put you in the ground if it came to that" i regret not adding that she was a raging communist because she wouldve wanted that, but i had no time to prepare

i wasnt expecting to speak but i felt it was only fair seeing as one of my biggest fears is being remembered under the wrong name. i had to stand up for my friend. pretty much everyone in the chapel came to me and thanked me for standing up for her (very small service). i wonder why they didnt say anything and i had to?

give trans women their flowers while they're still here. we'll miss you, callie

[jaynovz]

In discussions about the finale of Black Sails, one of the things I often see is folks hard-focusing on Flint's fate, in an either-or binary fashion, usually presented as "Which do you believe-- that Silver killed him? or sent him to the plantation?"

Now, for posterity's sake, gonna mention a few things-- first off, that's simply not thinking broadly enough. There are farrrr more than two options here and I've come up with my share of the reallyyyyy bad ones for sure. Whatever your mind chooses, none of those are happy endings anyway, there are bittersweet, bad, and worse endings all the way down. (They are paused, they are in a time loop, and also all endings and no endings are happening simultaneously)

But also, the more cogent point is that, it doesn't actually matter what happened *to Flint* The story is... not actually about him at that point. We have transitioned from Flint as protag to Silver as protag, setting up for (the fanfiction that Black Sails has ended up making of, ugh, king shit) Treasure Island.

And so, I just, don't find it to be of particular interest exploring what we think Flint is actually doing or if he's alive for real. What is EXTREMELY interesting to explore though is how Silver's speech at the end to Madi is sort of giving Thomas back to Flint as a pacifier/comfort object, but how... Silver is giving Flint that thing in his own mind as his own type of pacifier/comfort object.

That's the REALLY chewy bit. What actually happens to Flint is not the purpose of that scene for me, of Silver's recounting of events to Madi. It's more about... projection. It's about how Silver is dealing with whatever happened to Flint/whatever he did.

And I just feel like it's missing the point to focus so hard on if Flint is alive or not.

He is the ghost of the story regardless, that's what's important. He's going to haunt the narrative for the rest of everyone's lives. No one has been untouched or unscarred by coming into contact with Captain Flint; he has a forever legacy. I'm not the first to call him this, but he's Schrödinger's Flint and he's staying that way.

But this?

"No. I did not kill Captain Flint. I unmade him. The man you know could never let go of his war. For if he were to exclude it from himself, he would not be able to understand himself. So I had to return him to an earlier state of being. One in which he could function without the war. Without the violence. Without us. Captain Flint was born out of great tragedy. I found a way to reach into the past... and undo it. There is a place near Savannah... where men unjustly imprisoned in England are sent in secret. An internment far more humane, but no less secure. Men who enter these gates never leave them. To the rest of the world, they simply cease to be. He resisted... at first. But then I told him what else I had heard about this place. I was told prominent families amongst London society made use of it. I was told the governor in Carolina made use of it. So I sent a man to find out if they'd used it to hide away one particular prisoner. He returned with news. Thomas Hamilton was there. He disbelieved me. He continued to resist. And corralling him took great effort. But the closer we got to Savannah, his resistance began to diminish. I couldn't say why. I wasn't expecting it. Perhaps he'd finally reached the limits of his physical ability to fight. Or perhaps as the promise of seeing Thomas got closer... he grew more comfortable letting go of this man he created in response to his loss. The man whose mind I had come to know so well... whose mind I'd in some ways incorporated into my own. It was a strange experience to see something from it... so unexpected. I choose to believe it... because it wasn't the man I had come to know at all... but one who existed beforehand... waking from a long... and terrible nightmare. Reorienting to the daylight... and the world as it existed before he first closed his eyes... letting the memory of the nightmare fade away. You may think what you want of me. I will draw comfort in the knowledge that you're alive to think it. But I'm not the villain you fear I am. I'm not him."

This is the speech of a man who is self-soothing, who is spinning himself a tale, who is projecting, who is coping.

and THAT is just, way chewier, innit?

[forest-hashira]

Sweet Kiss

hey guys! i'm working on several other fics rn, so i just wanted to write something short & sweet that i could post in between other things, thus this little drabble! i love this series and wanted to do something cute for my princess. also, this is inspired by this post that @/xxsabitoxx made a while back and i thought was really cute (& got permission to use as inspo!). i know i've already done an installment about lip gloss, which is why this is just a little drabble, but i've had this idea bouncing around in my head for a while so i had to finally write it. i hope you guys enjoy! 💜

series masterlist | read on ao3 | wc: 675 | cw: gender neutral reader, transfem gojo, she's excited to try some flavored glosses, kissing

“Do you have a second?”

You looked up from your book when you heard your girlfriend’s voice, and you smiled at her when you saw her standing in the doorway of your bedroom. “‘Course I do, princess,” you told her, marking your page and setting the book aside before patting the empty space beside you on the bed. “C’mere.”

Satoru’s expression lit up at your invitation, and she rushed over to join you, nearly tripping over herself in her excitement. She wore neither her blindfold nor her sunglasses, and you could see the way her blue eyes shimmered with anticipation; clearly she had something she wanted to tell you. 

“What’s up, ‘Toru? You’re practically vibrating.” The way your teasing words made a blush crawl across her cheeks and up towards her ears made you smile, and you reached up to cup her cheek in your palm. 

“Got some new things I wanna try,” she admitted bashfully, leaning into your touch. 

You blinked in surprise. “Alright. What do you want to try?” This certainly wasn’t something you’d expected her to say, but you were more than willing to hear her out, especially if it had anything to do with her transition. 

Turning away from you for a second, she dug into her pocket before pulling out four little tubes of lip gloss in various colors. She gazed down at them for a moment as she asked, “Will you help me pick one?”

Even if you had considered denying her – which you definitely hadn’t – you wouldn’t have been able to tell her no when she looked up at you eyes with a gaze so hopeful it made your chest ache. “Yeah, princess, of course. Is this to wear out of the house, or here when it’s just the two of us?” A couple of the glosses she’d pulled from her pocket had much more noticeable tints than the ones you’d bought with her before, so you figured it would probably be something she would just wear at home with you. 

“Just for us,” she confirmed, opening the first tube – a clear gloss with a pearly white shimmer – and applying a little bit to her lips, spreading it around just like you’d taught her. 

“That one looks nice,” you told her with a small smile. “Can I see the next one?” 

“Not yet,” Satoru said with a smile, placing a hand on your hip and tugging you a bit closer. “They’re flavored, so you gotta taste them.” She pulled you into a kiss then, a little more heated than the chaste kisses you usually exchanged during the day. 

Though you were a bit surprised, you certainly didn’t protest, easily returning the kiss while it lasted. You could taste a hint of coconut, which you assumed was from the gloss, and you smiled as you pulled away. 

“Well,” you hummed in consideration, “I like that one, but I want to reserve judgment until I’ve tasted them all. What’s next?”

She repeated the process with the other three glosses, wiping her lips with a tissue in between to make sure the flavors didn’t blend together. The peach toned gloss, unsurprisingly, tasted of peach; the bright pink tasted like bubblegum; and the classic red tasted like cherries. Each kiss left you wanting more, but you managed to behave yourself. 

“So?” Satoru asked eagerly, after helping you taste the cherry gloss. “Which one is your favorite?”

You blinked up at her for a moment before you spoke, trying to figure out how to entice her into kissing you again; you were sure you already had lip gloss all over your mouth, but quite frankly, you didn’t care. “Hmm,” you eventually managed, unable to suppress your grin as you wrapped your arms around her neck and pulled her back into your space. “I’m not sure. I think you need to let me taste them all again.”

She giggled at your words, smiling against your lips as you kissed her again, both of you collapsing into the pillows before she could reapply any gloss.

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[madaqueue]

Practice Makes Perfect | Chapter 12

synopsis: you and yuji have been best friends basically as long as you can remember, and you made a promise to each other to stay friends and help each other be the best versions of yourselves for your future partners. but will things change when yuji finally starts looking for a relationship?

pairing: yuji itadori (18+) x f!reader

themes/content: modern college au (characters aged up to 18+). language, fluff. 18+, MDNI

word count: 1.3k

a/n: we're in the home stretch y'all aaaAAH

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A week has passed since you and Yuji told each other your true feelings. Things aren't the same, but you wouldn’t want them to be.

You’ve seen him practically every day since then, whether he’s bringing you lunch between classes or spending the night with each other, you feel like you can finally breathe again when he is with you.

“You know,” he says one night while you’re watching TV in his dorm, “eventually you’re gonna have to tell Fushiguro why you kissed him.” He takes a bite of the cereal sitting in his lap.

“Shit, I can’t believe I forgot to do that. I was honestly so caught up with spending time with you I just didn’t think about it,” you respond truthfully.

“Aww, someone got distracted by me?” he teases, leaning his head over onto your shoulder and looking up at you. You push him off with a chuckle. “Hey now, don’t spill my cereal, I only have one set of sheets here and I’m not about to ruin these,” he laughs, that permanent grin spread across his face.

–

The next morning, you figure it’s time to have that conversation with Megumi. You’ll be seeing him in class today, which at least makes the transition a bit easier. Since you and Yuji made up, you've started coming back out of your shell again and allowing your smile to appear more, which Megumi has noticed but hasn’t verbally acknowledged.

When the lecture concludes, you turn to him before packing your things up.

“Hey, are you free right now? I wanted to talk to you about something,” you say, a soft smile on your face.

“Sure,” he responds, “I found a new cafe if you’d want to try that?” After weeks of barely hearing your voice and never seeing you outside of class, your request makes his heart flutter.

“Actually, I would kind of prefer one we’ve already been to before if that’s alright with you?”

“Of course,” he says, a grin now forming on his face. Seeing you smile is enough to light up the room, and he’s just happy to have you back.

–

Megumi sits at a booth as you walk over holding two drinks in your hand. By now you know his order by heart (it does help that it’s just black coffee) and you place the two mugs down in the middle of the table. You’re back where it all started, in the first coffee shop you two ever went together. The high ceilings, bookshelves lining the walls, and warm light feels like coming home.

You take your seat across from him, thinking about just how long it’s been since you were in his presence like this. Seeing him seated across from you, fluffy black hair and all-black clothes, the familiar warm scent of his cologne, you can feel your body relax a tenseness you didn’t know it still held.

Taking a small sip of your latte, your eyes move up to meet his. “How’s your sister?” you ask.

You can tell by the way he opens his mouth and closes it again, his lips curving up into a smile as he pauses, that this was not how he expected you to start this conversation. “She’s good,” he says, a soft grin on his face. “Her surgery finally got rescheduled for later this month, so hopefully things just keep getting better from there.”

“I’m glad to hear it” you respond, your voice genuine. “I was thinking about her, and you, when we weren’t really talking as much, so I just wanted to check how things were going."

His eyes soften as he looks at you. You really do care about him. “Thanks,” he breathes.

A comfortable silence falls between you for a moment as you both slowly drink your coffees.

“So,” Megumi begins, placing an elbow on the table and his chin in his open palm, “what did you want to talk to me about?”

Your body tenses slightly, knowing this is about to be difficult.

Taking in a deep breath, you open your mouth to respond, but he cuts you off before you can get anything out. “Is this about when you kissed me?” he asks, a smirk forming on his lips as he cocks his head to the side.

“Y-yeah,” you stutter, breaking eye contact to look down at the table. You didn’t expect him to bring it up so easily, and with such…confidence?

“I figured,” he chuckles. “You know, I might not be the smartest guy here, but don’t forget I know you pretty well.” He pauses, taking another sip of his coffee. “My rough timeline was: you see Yuji at the party, you kiss me, you and Yuji fight, you make up, and now we’re here, right?”

Bringing your eyes back up, you scan his face, trying to identify what emotion he’s feeling as he walks you through exactly what happened over the past few weeks. You expect him to feel angry, betrayed, embarrassed, yet all you seem to find is…amusement?

“Mhm,” you nod, “that’s basically everything.”

His smile widens. “See, I told you I know you. If I’m being honest though, I did cheat a little bit - I could hear Yuji listening to sad music very loudly through the door for a while until it stopped about a week ago, so I figured you two made up.”

“And you’re not mad at me?” you ask, trying to hide how much your voice waivers.

“Of course not,” he chuckles. “Look, don’t take this the wrong way, but I see you strictly as a friend. I love hanging out with you and doing all the stuff we do together, but I never felt like I needed more than that. When you kissed me…” he trails off, reaching his free hand up to the back of his hair, “I figured you were just going through some stuff, and it sounds like I was right.”

You exhale, finally feeling the lingering stress about this conversation leaving your body. Your shoulders relax into the seat behind you and you close your eyes for a minute. “Thank you, Megumi,” you finally respond. “I’m really glad to have a friend like you.” A smile rests on your lips.

Turning back towards him, you open your eyes and reach your hand out to his shoulder. Just like the first time you met, he leans his cheek against the back of your hand as he stares at you from across the table, eyes soft. “Any time,” he whispers.

–

Things are…easy, again. You and Yuji’s friends - now your friends - hang out every weekend, going to some party or just playing board games on the floor of one of their dorm rooms. You grow to love Toge, the sweet white-haired boy who brought you drinks at the first party you went to with Megumi and who you learn helped Yuji smuggle in the red wine that ruined one of your dresses. You get to see Maki and Nobara together, watching how Nobara shamelessly plants herself in Maki’s lap whenever she gets a chance or pretends to steal her glasses before gently placing them back on her face with a kiss. You and Megumi still hang out all the time, too, and you even started going farther and farther off campus to search for new cafes to try. Every morning feels like a gift, in part because you get to wake up next to the warmth of your favorite person.

One night after you and Yuji return to your dorm after karaoke with your friends - at which, Nobara did an incredible rendition of Somebody To Love - the two of you are cuddling in your bed when he pulls away for a moment.

He props himself up on an elbow to look at you, his eyelids low as he traces along your hips with his fingers. He’s in nothing but his sweatpants, you in a loose t-shirt and pajama shorts. “You know…” he says, a grin tugging at the corners of his face, the one that he knows you always melt for, “there’s still one thing we didn’t get to practice.”

“Oh yeah?” you tease with a chuckle. “And what’s that?”

His eyes never leave yours, and you notice them darken slightly as he opens his mouth to speak. His voice comes out low, raspy. “I want to fuck you.”

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[riddles-n-games]

So I've finally read through the excerpt of the six chapters of That Night in Prague. I love the character art at the start and good on to whoever guessed Pain at the Right Gun is an anagram. Now, my initial thoughts are that the set up is a great start to this scavenger hunt around Prague and Jameson and Avery are being the competitive couple they always are. However, that being said, the romance is faltering. Yes, there is clearly a show of hidden romantic Jamie and helpless romantic Avery from before but I think JLB has forgotten how to write romance between them.

She is definitely changing certain things and I wonder if that is because she herself or her publishing house is pushing her to cater to booktok trends or something even though her og trilogy already is a household name in YA mystery. As I said earlier, the romance isn't romancing. I know Avery and Jameson are two years now into their relationship but Avery sounds not quite herself. She sounds like Jameson did in TBH but also more different at the same time. I feel like JLB forgot how she wrote her own character in TFG just two years earlier and it doesn't coincide with this one now. She is still 18 here and Jameson 19. I understand the physical aspects of their relationship regarding touch and kissing but this is where the disconnect happens for me regarding how she wrote them just two years ago versus now.

The innuendos are frankly getting annoying in my opinion and it feels so forced. Like, sorry, it translates awkwardly after the way the first books were written and if JLB really wanted to experiment with this, it could have been in another series or book. Not changing the style after being already six books into this world which also makes me wonder why she's now throwing this into so many POVs, it makes it hard to distinguish the character voice. I'm not saying that there shouldn't be a level of maturity but frankly, given the timeline, this sounds like a much older Avery, not the same 18 year old we are going back to.

When I remember what we were told regarding this book, "There is nothing frivolous about the way a Hawthorne man loves." I immediately thought of the loyal, vulnerable Jameson that came with his heart on his sleeve in THL, giving Avery the chance to choose who she wants to be with. I remember the way in her vulnerable moment when she wanted to be left alone after the discovery of her mother's postcards having hidden letters, he was the first to push aside the need for new answers. I'm not saying there weren't some moments like these already present but that's what I want to see.

I want flirty Jameson and Avery but I do not care for what I see currently. There doesn't seem like a proper bridge to that gap in their relationship which is saying something because the transition between THL and TFG regarding their romance was better than a gap that was smaller than that from TFG to now, just some months prior to the events of TBH. Call me a Debbie Downer, but since TBH, I've seen my expectations for proper integration of something new while respecting the old not being met as I thought.

Of course, as always, this is simply my opinion and if you agree, great. If you don't, well that's fine, too.

[nagichi-boop]

I spent a day with Angela Giarratana felt lowkey therapeutic, so here’s some parts that I found particularly profound and/or comforting (with some minor tweaks to condense the quote)

(Putting under a cut cuz I realised there are too many good quotes and this got long)

— (Angela) “The reason why I have so much is because I lead with the word ‘yes.’ And I said yes to everything, which is why I think I have so many fun avenues to create and great groups of collaborators. But someone told me that ‘no’ is actually magnetic too, and that saying no will open up other things for you.”

— (Angela) “I can be enough and not be ridiculous. I can just sit and talk, and I’m not letting anyone down, it’s not boring. It’s hard for me not to have a joke lined every 5 seconds, like am I only making jokes so I don’t lose someone cuz I’m worried I’m getting boring? And it’s just sitting in that space going; ‘if I am boring, let’s just see - will everyone walk out? Will everyone hate me? I dunno, there’s only one way to find out.’”

— (Angela) “If we’re being really honest, I think somewhere deep down, I think I am boring and not interesting. As I grow older I notice it, and I then care less and less. I think the more I see people stick around for just who I am, it makes me feel more comfortable. As I’m getting older, I feel more and more vulnerable with just being myself.”

— (Anthony) “It’s tiring to wear a mask and be something because people want you to be this way. And there was a big period of time where I was afraid of people not liking me, so I was trying to be as broadly appealing as possible. ‘I want everyone to like me! There’s one commenter that didn’t like me? How can I change to make sure that person likes me too?’ But I’ve come to realise that actually, this is an awesome way to filter out sh—y people that I don’t even want to like me. If someone only likes me because I’m fake and I’m trying to be this person for them, actually I don’t want them to like me.”

— (Angela) “‘I want every single person to like me, because if every single person likes me, that means I’m valued, and that means I am of value and I’m not a piece of sh—.’ But then you go; ‘I don’t know if I’m genuinely connecting with anyone, cuz every single thing I’m doing is bullsh—, and I’m just emulating what I think this person wants so they can approve of me, and that’s just a lonely place to live.’”

— (Angela) “Sometimes when you’re around abusive friendships or relationships that might not be good for you is when you don’t feel like you can have an opinion - that’s when you know. Like something in you is thinking, ‘I’ll do whatever you want cuz it’ll be easier that way.’ That’s a safety mechanism that you don’t really need if you’re feeling fully supported.”

— (Anthony) “When you surround yourself with people that expect you to do whatever they want or they expect you not to have an opinion, in a sense it’s almost like you don’t necessarily respect yourself fully, so you are allowing people who don’t fully respect you into your life.”

— (Anthony) “With these transitional periods, there’s so much uncertainty, and I feel like that’s really scary when you’re used to knowing what you’re going to do. And sometimes you find peace in having that North Star that’s super obvious. But there’s actually so much freedom in this time of uncertainty. Cuz if someone says ‘what are you gonna do?’, you’re like ‘I dunno, I’ll figure it out as it comes; as my day progresses, as my life progresses, I’ll figure it out in the moment.’”

— (Anthony) “I feel like the more that you are comfortable being yourself and the less that you do worry about what people think of you, it’s actually the opposite effect. I feel like it’s natural to think that if you care about what people think of you that you’ll be more entertaining. But what’s interesting is it’s the opposite effect I’ve realised. The less you care about what they think about you, the more that it will actually attract them to be like, ‘wait, oh she’s just being herself,’ and it makes it so much more interesting. I think it’s the authenticity.”

— (Anthony) “I feel like our entire culture is centered around the outcome of everything that we do, and that’s why we’re so future oriented; we’re never in the present just enjoying it. It’s like turning on a song just to get to the end of it. It’s like doing a dance just to do the final pose. That’s not the point - it’s about the process.”

— (Anthony) “We all want what’s familiar, even if it’s hurtful, because it’s like; ‘I know I can deal with that pain. I know I can deal with that uncomfortable feeling. That’s a lot of discomfort, but I know I can handle that.’”

— (Anthony) “It’s preemptively feeling less than just in case you have to feel less than in the future.” (Angela) “Cuz I’d rather feel less than on my terms than someone making me do that cuz it hurts more.” (Anthony) “But when you do it on your terms, you almost invite because people will treat you and you will be treated in the way that you perceive yourself. And if you perceive yourself as less than because you preemptively want to feel that feeling, you are inviting that to happen.”

[leaderpinhead]

Idia - Gamer Etiquette

Prompt: @flashfictionfridayofficial weekly prompt Rating: T (Warning for language!) Characters: Idia Shroud, Yuu Masterlists for my other fics

“Are you still there, Idia?”

Idia toggled on the private chat between him and Yuu. “I told you I’m Gloomurai when we’re playing in squads.”

The crackle of a huff made his eardrums beg for mercy. “We’re the only ones in the call.”

Idia rolled his eyes. His fingers flitted across his keyboard from sheer muscle memory. “Doesn’t matter. Your butter fingers toggle on the in-game chat all the time.”

Another huff made Idia move one ear muff from his ear. “I did that once, and it just made a bunch of kids scream about a girl being in the lobby. Are you readying up or are you calling it a night?”

Idia scoffed and queued up the next match. The other three players in the lobby were having their own separate conversation in the chat, but Idia barely glanced at the messages. They were a group of nobodies. He would have preferred to have Muscle Red in the lobby with them, but his online friend had been too busy for a last-minute game session. 

Honestly, Idia had been preparing for bed himself when his tablet dinged with a notification. He had booted up his computer and joined Yuu for some late night dungeon grinding. Idia had expected Yuu to call it around midnight, but she had suggested a more fast-paced game instead. Almost like she was looking for something to keep her awake longer.

Idia didn’t have the courage to ask personal questions, so he grabbed a can of his favorite energy drink instead.

Idia stared at the wait time for the next match. “If the guy wearing the toga splits off from us, I’m not rushing across the map to revive him again.”

Yuu made a noise that Idia assumed agreed with him. Her username–LadyKnight–popped up in the chat with the simple order, Follow Gloomurai. The other three immediately spammed the chat with insults and lewd suggestions as creative as the pseudo-clan names in their gamer tags. Idia rolled his eyes. “Tell me you’re ten without telling me you’re ten.”

“Were you telling other players to kiss your ass in chat when you were ten?”

Idia’s grin reflected back at him when his screen went black to transition into the game. “I was saying stuff that’d make you blush IRL.”

“Like your cooties are bigger than my cooties?”

Idia snickered. The game loaded them into a proper match, and Idia searched the nearest chest for a better weapon. “Something like that, yeah.”

“How very ten-nish of you.”

“I never claimed to be a saint.” Idia’s snickering stopped when he noticed their teammates’ gamer tags growing smaller. He sighed. “They’re running to the tower. Again.”

“Why do they keep doing that? They get sniped every time.”

“Because one of them read a forum post saying better weapons spawned there.” Idia toggled through his inventory and activated the item he found to temporarily boost his stats. His sigh was short and harsh when a small skull appeared by a teammate’s name. “Aaaand they’re down. GG.”

Idia watched Yuu’s player model stutter. The second teammate went down. Yuu mumbled under her breath, her mic barely picking up her grumbles. Idia equipped a sniper rifle and used the scope to watch their last teammate fall just outside the tower.

A squeal of feedback made Idia wince. Yuu’s voice echoed through the in-game chat and the app they used privately. “Are you fucking kidding me? Stop running to the towers! You scrubs keep dying. Get off your damn forums and play the game!”

Idia silently gaped at the screen. Did…did Ramshackle’s prefect just drop an f-bomb? He heard that type of language in public lobbies all the time, but not from the prefect. Yuu was too…pure wasn’t the right word. Polite? Fuck, he had corrupted her by introducing her to public lobbies.

Their ten-year old teammate’s brilliant response was, “Are you a girl?! Girls can’t play games!”

“That’s not what your mom said when I slapped her ass.”

Idia’s surprised laugh morphed into a coughing fit. He didn’t care that his moment of distraction led to an opposing player knifing him in the back. Yuu continued cursing and insulting the boy, whose voice steadily pitched higher and higher with emotion, while trying to dodge attacks from the opposing team. Her efforts were futile, and they eventually loaded back into the lobby. Idia quickly kicked and blocked the randos before the kid with the mic could blow-out his eardrums.

He collapsed back into his chair and stared wide-eyed at the screen. Yuu became eerily silent save for the random clicks of her keyboard. Idia stuttered. “U-uh…do you wanna talk about that?”

Yuu hummed. “Talk about what?”

“The…uh…” Idia rubbed the bottom of his jaw. “You just told a kid his dad wasn’t coming back with milk anytime soon.”

Yuu’s keyboard taps paused. “Was that going too far? I thought that’s just what other gamers said to blow steam.”

It took an embarrassingly long moment for Idia to process what she said. “You think gamers…just talk like that?”

“That’s what most of the lobbies we go into sound like,” Yuu said. “I get why you guys yell so much now. It’s a bit cathartic. I really got into that.”

Idia hesitated. “Do I sound like that?”

“When you get really excited, yeah.” Little heart emojis appeared in the chat. “I think I’m going to call it a night. I thought I’d be too wound up to sleep, but that really helped me vent the tension keeping me up. Maybe we can do another session tomorrow. Night!”

Idia was still too stunned to process what she said. By the time he could utter another word, Yuu had already disconnected from the game and their private chat. Idia stared at his screen for another full minute before closing out the game.

He wasn’t telling anyone he stayed awake for another hour worrying about every housewarden on campus coming after him for “corrupting” the prefect.

[kristsingto]

Thinking about the Mock-Trailer for The Ex-Morning

Pathapi is said to be the Best Reporter of the Year in the beginning. How. I want to know his career accomplishments so badly? I need to know how he got here!

I’ve been considering why Pathapi acts the way he does in the beginning. Has he always been like, since his university days? Or was it perhaps heartbreak and the passage of time that’s made him more like this? 

Aou is being made to play the exasperated best friend in Be My Favorite and the rival with coffee thrown on him in The Ex-Morning. Someone give both characters a raise. And a boyfriend!

I looooove the trope of the arrogant, whiny jerkass in a successful position who gets humbled. And that paired with him rebuilding his reputation with his ex-boyfriend of all people? I am so ready to see Pathapi’s character arc, and the things Tamtawan makes him do in this trailer makes me think he’ll get more in-tune with the spirit of good reporting and why it’s so important.

How does Tamtawan know and decide to come back? Obviously, he wants to help Pathapi and is still in love with him, but why did he leave? WHY DID HE LEAVE? Later in the trailer, when present-day Tamtawan leaves, it’s after he’s told “Tam. You have two options now.” What are the two options? The way Tamtawan leaves and the look on his face makes him look regretful, but what exactly is motivating him trying to leave here? Why did he leave in the first place? Does Pathapi know? His face looks half confused rather than just heartbroken!

What has Tamtawan been up to? I am intrigued.

The SOTUS reference in their university days flashback? I am obsessed. They were so sweet in that one frame, it makes me wonder how they fell in love. How different were they? How much of the same remains in them? How did they fall in love? Oh my god!

The transition from Pathapi being awkward with shirtless only-clothed-in-a-towel Tamtawan to taking his own shirt off and asking if Tamtawan has an ulterior motive to fluster him is hilarious to me. I love how forward Pathapi is here! And Tamtawan getting flustered is amazing. Oh my god, I love this trailer. It balances a comedic tone, angst, tension, etc all in one show. Can’t help but adore it.

“You’re still the same selfish jerk.” I need to know what happened! I said this above and I’m saying it again. I am intrigued.

Uni Tamtawan pulling Pathapi by his tie? I am obsessed.

The umbrella scene is both so very P’Lit and so very much a SOTUS reference, it delights me. I wonder how many SOTUS references we’ll have in the show proper.

I wonder if the car accident will coincide with the climax of the show.

That! Last! Scene! I suppose this is a scene when they’re hooking up but not properly together, seeing as they’re flirting, shirtless, and probably just had sex, but still won’t admit they still like each other. This sounds great to me.

I’ve mostly not talked about the meta elements here, because I feel it’s less about the contents of the actual trailer and more about the nature of the series as such a KristSingto RPF-type plot. Anyway, I love it. Everything about the meta of this series is perfect to me, and exactly what I wanted. This show is SO fun to think about when you know about the lore of KristSingto in real life. I’m half expecting Tamtawan to have hazed Pathapi at this point!

Side note that is not a side note: I LOVE THEIR ACTING! I love their characters!

Is this vers? I’m going to say it’s vers or Top Krist until proven wrong, because that last scene? Well. Let’s put the KristSingto into the KristSingto.

I love the small cast and the focus on KristSingto! I just need to say this. I am so excited for this comeback, in-part because it really is just Tamtawan and Pathapi’s story.

Tamtawan is supposed to mean “follow” and “sun” whereas Pathapi means earth/soil/ground. Coming off of KongArt, where Arthit is obviously “sun,” and KristSingto, who compare themselves to the sun and moon, this seems so definitely meaningful. Aof and Lit, I need to know what you’re cooking! 

The coals scene is sooooo perfect, both for the characters AND KristSingto themselves. Again bringing it back to the meta of it all, but, oh my god? This is perfect? Aof wrote a screenplay that was KristSingto RPF? On that note, I keep thinking about the idea of KristSingto channeling their feelings from the irl work-partner “break up” and it makes me go a little crazy. Especially with Krist talking about all his efforts to bring Singto back, and how he over-thought it when Singto left. And even more so seeing as they say they’re basically playing themselves.

The lyrics of the song used in the trailer are so fitting, I am now looping it and thinking about Pathapi and Tamtawan forever and ever.

I noticed that Tamtawan goes by “Tam” but did I miss it for Pathapi in the trailer, or do we get no indication of his nickname? I’m curious.

The “Begin Again” for the new Peraya Party speaks to both KristSingto and their new characters, and this is again making me go, oh god it’s true they’re just playing themselves.

I said my ideal KristSingto BL was a vers exes-to-lovers that parallels reality. Evidently, I was not alone.

Is it just me, or do the Pathapi + animals and Pathapi + soil degradation water scenes feel a lot like certain episodes of Friendship with KristSingto? Just me? Maybe it’s just Krist. I love him so dearly.

So much is revealed in this trailer, but that somehow makes me more intrigued about what is not being revealed to us?

Krist still goes for the top lip and Singto still goes for the bottom lip when they kiss. This kills me every time. I am so excited to see lovey-dovey Tamtawan and Pathapi!

[thenationaltreasuregazette]

The National Treasure Gazette Humbly Presents:

National Treasure: The Musical

I said what I said.

For reasons that have nothing to do with Wicked (2003) or Wicked (2024) (obviously I am lying) here we go:

INT. GATES FAMILY HOME LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

SONG: Treasure is a Myth

At the Gates’ family home YOUNG BEN sneaks away with the family album and his grandfather JOHN ADAMS GATES finds him and explains the legend of the treasure.

The ensemble—as all of the GATES MEN since and their WIVES—each give a quick verse about their search and continued hope that someday they will find the treasure.

The recurring motif here is 'Treasure is a myth…but I’ll find it.'

Until PATRICK GATES arrives to spoil things with a counter refrain, arguing that the treasure is a myth so move on and make something of your life.

The song ends with Patrick towing Young Ben off stage as he sings wistfully, “Treasure is a myth…but I’ll find it.”

EXT. ARCTIC CIRCLE - DAY

At the same time, adult BENJAMIN FRANKLIN GATES enters from the other side of the stage in snow gear.

He echoes “Treasure is a myth, but I’ll find it.”

END SONG

Then RILEY, IAN, and IAN’S CREW follow behind him in snow gear with metal detectors.

Join me in hallucinating the rest of Act I of National Treasure: The Musical!

↓ ↓ ↓

Riley and Powell have the “how does a ship wind up way out here?” exchange.

A metal detector BEEPS. Ben and Ian fall to their knees uncovering evidence of the Charlotte (pantomimed).

They file off stage and reappear…

INT. CHARLOTTE - DAY

…inside the frozen remains of the Charlotte. Some comedic exchanges from Riley before Ben finds the MEERSCHAUM PIPE. He reads the riddle and sits to figure it out.

SONG: Charlotte’s Riddle/So Close I Can Taste It

This is Ben’s I Want song. As he tries to work out the meaning of the riddle he reflects on how he finally has the next piece of the puzzle in his hands and we get to hear a little bit more about what that means to him.

This is an important character moment for Ben and the first time we really hear from him directly about why he wants to find the treasure.

It also personifies Charlotte briefly as a haunting female voice beckoning him to come find the treasure.

END SONG

Ben figures out the riddle and Ian suggests they borrow the Declaration.

SONG: Invested

Ian explains a bit about his backstory, how he’s done things like this before. His crew chimes, each listing a crime of heist they’ve been involved in. (Think the ‘meet the cooks’ montage from Ratatouille).

He emphasizes how much he's invested in this expedition--and in Ben-- and that he expects returns. He becomes increasingly agitated as Ben rejects his plans.

Ian laments what he’ll have to do to Ben. The song ends with him singing/saying “Now all you’ll be in a hindrance.”

END SONG

Ian orders Shaw to turn on Ben. Ben and Riley narrowly escape before the Charlotte explodes.

EXT. ARCTIC CIRCLE - DAY

Ben pulls Riley out of the literal trap door in the stage as they emerge from the ship.

Riley asks what they’ll do about Ian. Ben says they’ll stop him.

Riley says nobody will believe them, and anybody who’s crazy enough to believe them won’t help.

INT. NATIONAL ARCHIVES CURATORS OFFICE - DAY

We transition to the curator’s office where Abigail waits to greet Ben and Riley.

SONG: One Step Short of Crazy

The music begins as Abigail stands from her desk to shake the guys’ hands. They stay speaking as they exchange names and do the “Saxony German” bit.

After Abigail says, “Now, you told my assistant that this was an urgent matter?” the song begins in earnest.

This is a duet between Ben and Abigail as the both try to get what they want from the other: Ben wants access to the document and Abigail wants information.

The text of the song is “one step short of crazy” from both of them, because that’s what Ben is looking for, and what Abigail thinks Ben is.

The blocking here is that they step forward when they’re winning and back when they’re losing, so that they’re pushing each other around the stage and Riley is following along popping in and out around Ben whenever he has “helpful” information to add.

This number should be a bit flirty but make it clear that Abigail cannot be charmed. (yet).

It ends when Abigail sits back down at her desk and bids them good day. She has won.

END SONG

INT. NATIONAL ARCHIVES ROTUNDA - DAY

Ben and Riley look at the Declaration. Ben recites his favorite line. (“But when a long train of abuses…”)

SONG: One Step Short of Crazy (Reprise)

Ben reprises a few lines from One Step Short of Crazy as he is making a decision that is very much that.

END SONG

Then he speaks the line, “I’m gonna steal it. I’m gonna steal the Declaration of Independence."

INT. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS READING ROOM - DAY

Riley brings Ben into the Library of Congress to convince him that this is a bad idea. “Let me prove it to you.”

SONG: 2000 Ways This Could Go Wrong

Riley attempts to convince Ben that he cannot steal the Declaration of Independence. The ensembles appears as other LIBRARY PATRONS who get in on the song for musical reasons.

The text of the song is "There are 2000s ways this could go wrong" and they could be comedically listing all the ways Ben could get caught.

Riley and the ensemble seem to almost have Ben convinced when he brings up Thomas Edison.

The light bulbs line is spoken, but then Ben gets his own verse laying out the preservation room plan. The one way to make it work.

The song ends with Riley saying, “This could work.”

END SONG

INT. ABIGAIL’S OFFICE - NIGHT

Abigail is packing up for the night.

SONG: Hunting Down History

Abigail sings an I Want song of her own expressing her curiosity about Ben’s story and her wish that for once she’d like to be a part of something that mattered instead of on the sidelines studying it a hundred years later.

Her ASSISTANT enters with a package. (The One Step Short of Crazy theme play as she opens it.) Abigail reads the notes tells the audience it’s the George Washington button. She and the assistant discuss Ben for a few lines until Abigail realizes she’ll barely make it home to get ready and back in time for the gala.

That’s when the ALARM RINGS.

INT. PRESERVATION ROOM - NIGHT

Abigail and STAN (already in his tux) oversee at TECHS IN CLEAN ROOM GEAR move the document into the preservation room.

Stan gets a verse of Hunting Down History, hitting on Abigail and and asking if there’s anything between them.

Abigail declines and leaves.

Stan continues to lament her lack of attention as the set changes to…

INT. NATIONAL ARCHIVES ROTUNDA - NIGHT

…the rotunda, now dressed up for the gala. Ensemble is other PATRONS milling around the gala.

Abigail enters, having done a quick change into her gala outfit. She makes small talk as RILEY’S VOICE is heard from off stage.

He’s asking, “Ben, are you sure you want to do this—”

—when Ben enters the gala in his tux.

Riley comes to sit on the side of the stage with his headset and laptop. He’ll speak to Ben from here throughout the heist.

Ben finds Abigail, and hands her a glass of champagne.

Abigail sings one last verse about how maybe something interesting has found her after all.

END SONG

Abigail asks about the pipe that bigfoot took.

Stan joins them, a bit perturbed, and he and Ben go back and forth until Ben gives THE TOAST. (it's perfect--no notes)

Riley is talking throughout the scene.

Ben excuses himself. He holds up the glass to the audience and tells Riley he’s got the fingerprint.

INT. VAULT CORRIDOR/PRESERVATION ROOM - NIGHT

Ben appears at the top of some stage scaffolding where he uses the fingerprint and does the password thing. He and Riley exchange dialogue explaining how they’re using the button he sent to Abigail to do this, since we won’t see it well. Riley helps crack the password. Ben rides an elevator down to stage level.

SONG: [MAIN HEIST THEME TBD]

Meanwhile, Ian and his gang make their way up from the bottom of the stage knocking out guards and breaking through a series of movable doors that have been lined up in their way.

→ Riley comes in with a reprise of 2000 Ways This Could Go Wrong

Ben reaches the Declaration first. He’s in the process of removing it when Riley stands up because he’s lost the feed.

Ben leaves with the case as Ian arrives. Squibs go off, cracking the case.

Ben runs back to the elevator as the lights go dark.

INT. ROTUNDA - NIGHT

Riley: Ben? Ben, what was that?

Ben sneaks through the partygoers and is caught by the CASHIER, who charges him $35 for the “replica” Declaration. He fumbles to come up with the change and pays with a card.

→ Abigail spots Ben and comes in with a reprise of One Step Short of Crazy and/or Hunting Down History

Abigail chases after Ben…

EXT. NATIONAL ARCHIVES - NIGHT

… who rushes outside to meet Riley.

Meanwhile Ian and co climb up through the trapdoor with their gear.

Abigail accuses Ben of stealing it, he gives her the Declaration, and Ian’s crew grab her.

END SONG

INT/EXT. CATERING TRUCK

You know that? Fuck it, let’s do the catering truck scene.

I was gonna say this would be a more stage-friendly tug o’ war over Abigail and she ends up with Ben while the Declaration winds up with Ian. That’s the backup.

But as long as we’re hallucinating a Disney-backed musical, maybe we put the van and the catering truck on stage, yeah? We, the audience, are looking toward their open backs as the two vehicles bounce around. They’re on springs or something, sorry actors.

There’s lots of LIGHT AND SOUND EFFECTS to heighten the “chase,” which ends when Abigail jumps from one car to the other.

Ben and Abigail exchange a few lines of banter in the van before Ben asks Riley to pull over.

EXT. PARK - NIGHT

This scene will remain largely the same, but we’ll move more of the dialogue to the park so we can get out of the van set as quickly as possible. Without the chase it’ll feel weird.

The dialogue will be rearranged so it ends with Ben’s line: “Yeah but I didn’t think I was gonna personally have to tell my dad about it."

As he says this the set shifts and Patrick’s door appears behind him, so all he has to do is turn around to be confronted by it.

EXT. PATRICK’S DOOR - NIGHT

“Where’s the party?”

This remains largely the same. Patrick lets them in.

INT. GATES FAMILY HOUSE - NIGHT

Yes, as a fun easter egg we can use the same Gates family home set as the opening number, to both maximize set use and make my headcanon about the Gates family house canon. Cool.

SONG: The Real Gates Family Legacy

Patrick hopes this isn’t about the damn treasure. Obviously it is.

Ben and Patrick go back and forth about their mutual disappointment in each other. Patrick wants Ben to stop wasting his life on the same mistakes that he, Patrick, made, and Ben just wants his dad to believe in him.

Riley and Abigail get a quick verse about their observations of the pair, Riley from the POV of someone who knows a bit of their backstory (and might even share a line or two) and Abigail as someone who’s just meeting them.

Ends with Patrick giving up and saying, “Do what you want Ben.”

END SONG

Abigail raises the very real possibility that there isn’t another clue. Ben says they can find out right now.

SONG: Talk to Me

In this number (better title TK) Ben gets the lemons and basically asks the map makers/founding fathers to talk to him. Tell him the message he’s been waiting his whole life to hear.

Then Abigail stops him and insists on being the one to actually do the lemon-ing. Her verse is a bit more delicate, but she too is genuinely asking for the document to say something to her.

Their parts come together and then—nothing.

This is being visualized by a scrim at the back of the stage. It’s been there for other scenes, and is a sort of parchment texture, but it’s only as the song progresses that we the audience realize it’s changing.

Light effects will be used to turn the whole stage into a VISUALIZATION OF THE DECLARATION, matching what Ben and Abigail are doing at the table on stage. First come the faint stains of the lemon juice.

Then Patrick interrupts to tell them they need heat.

Ben and Abigail breath on the Declaration and the masonic compass flickers into view momentarily on the scrim.

“We need more juice.”

“We need more heat.”

They sing the next verse of the song together as more and more of the map becomes visible. They’re asking the map to talk to them, but subtextually also asking the same of each other.

Thematically the song is saying please tell me there’s something to this. tell me i’m not crazy; tell me I’m not alone.

→ the ensemble reappears as the Gates family ancestors

→ the Charlotte’s Riddle theme and voice reappears as well

→ Patrick joins in with a reprise of The Real Gates Family Legacy

→ Riley joins in with a few lines about how he can’t believe this is really happening

→ young ben reappears to reprise Treasure is a Myth

All of the voices combine into that delicious thing where everybody’s singing their Act I theme over each other (I really can't emphasize enough how much delight this trope brings me) as the extent of the cypher is revealed.

Riley: What is it?

Ben: (barely believing what he’s seeing) A treasure map.

END SONG

END ACT I

[anti-rq-gumi]

Hi. Ex-radqueer again. Sorry if I keep bothering you. I’m struggling understanding why transautistic and similar terms are wrong.

I’m autistic. I’ve been diagnosed since age 5. I’m very visibly autistic in interactions with me, and as a result I have been ostracized my entire life. I have no friends, currently. I have only ever been asked out as a prank. I have never seen anyone “admire” my autism or see it as something to emulate. Until transautistics.

Radqueers told me that I should see transautistic people as a compliment. The idea that they wanted to be me. That they wanted to develop the traits that have haunted me my whole life. Without transautistics, I really am undesirable in all the world. My autistic traits are unwanted things.

I’m kind of struggling right now.

Hi again! You're not bothering me at all, don't worry!

Like you, I was suspected to be autistic since I was very young, though I didn't receive an actual diagnosis until much later at 17. While I accepted it I found it hard to think of in a positive light due to internalized ableism from my own experiences. More exposure to autistic people on the internet talking about it with pride was what helped me think of it differently.

Have you heard of the site Embrace Autism? It's full of resources for autistic and other neurodivergent people compiled by professionals who are neurodivergent themselves! It's an absolutely amazing read not only for autistic people but for those who suspect they might have autism and allies looking to support the community.

With that out of the way, I'll talk about the transautistic label a little bit. Wanting to be autistic is not a bad thing. It's more of a neutral one. Whether or not transautistic people are ableist depends on how they choose to deal with their feelings.

If a transautistic person is autistic, and uses the label to describe how they want to unmask more and become more comfortable presenting as autistic around people, then that's great! They'll be fully accepted into the autistic community.

If a transautistic person feels like they are autistic, but don't know for sure if they meet its diagnostic criteria, they should do more research into the different ways autism can present and whether or not that applies to them. Informed self diagnosis is incredibly valid.

If a transautistic person is allistic, wants to have autism and doesn't intend to do anything about this besides simply researching what autism is like and supporting autistic people, then that's fine. I understand atypical dysphoria exists.

If a transautistic person is allistic, and wants to fake autism, that's... not okay. They more often than not will know about autistic stereotypes rather than symptoms. The consequences of their faking will be negative not only to themselves, but also to everyone around them's perception of autism.

If a transautistic person wants to 'transition to having autism' they need to be told they cannot do this. Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that manifests as a difference in brain structure from birth. It is impossible for an allistic person to become autistic or vice versa. Attempts to do so only traumatize the individual in question. Suggesting anything to the contrary is extremely ableist.

Some radqueers claim that all transautistics belong in autistic spaces, which is just kind of inherently not true. Autistic people belong in autistic spaces. Transautistic autistics are accepted, and transautistic allistics are expected to be respectful of a group they don't belong to.

All in all, there is pride to be found in being autistic! You aren't undesirable or unwanted for having that disorder. Many autistic people live happy and fulfilling lives. Using the transautistic label to express autistic pride is completely fine with me, and what I truly take issue with is allistic people using it as an excuse for ableism.

(Edit: Some mentions of the word ‘neurotypical’ I’ve corrected to ‘allistic’.)

[bestworstcase]

Your post re: Salem's attitudes towards magic got me thinking about "Why spend our lives trying to redeem these humans, when we can replace them with what they could never be?" from Lost Fable again. I'm finding it a little difficult to blame people for believing she thinks the current crop of humans are just inferior when the only subject on offer in that sentence is "these humans." Of course when you stop to think for two seconds why Salem says or does anything she does it makes total sense that her hangup is with the gods, but that just makes me wonder even more why write the script like that? How unreliable is the direct dialogue in Jinn's vision supposed to be taken vs. her narration? (The simplest read of that episode seems to be of course the narration is biased per the question asked, but otherwise it's a frame narrative for the flashbacks which may or may not be more objective portrayals of events. The fact that the characters are also physically witnessing these scenes means they can't be 100% objective I think, but still leaves open the question of what's skewed and by how much.)

Unreliable or not, it's just a surprisingly absolute statement to put in her mouth considering how often we're invited to question her motivations everywhere else.

i do take the dialogue in the lost fable to be accurate to what the characters said, perhaps with some smudginess if what we’re seeing is ozpin’s memories exactly – in which case the dialogue in scenes he wasn’t present for is suspect because it’s what he imagines was said based on what salem told him, and the rest is probably closely accurate paraphrase because no one could be expected to remember the exact wording of conversations from several thousand years ago! but even then i would expect the parts he was there for to be reliable enough. 

so much rides on the lost fable and specifically this one line that it would be beyond cheap for the resolution to be “she didn’t say that at all, actually.”

the first time i watched the lost fable, i did intuitively interpret that line as salem alluding to the gods – so i think there’s probably some degree of her statement reading as ambiguous or not ambiguous depending upon how one habitually uses the word “redeem.” specifically: how precise one is about the verb requiring an indirect object. 

to ‘redeem’ something means to take some action to settle a debt, or redress a wrongdoing, which—inherently—implies the presence of a creditor or wronged party. in some contexts, the implied creditor is only an abstraction (think “the city’s robust public transportation is its only redeeming quality”—redemption is used here in a figurative sense to mean that the one making the statement dislikes everything but the city’s transit system); and in casual speech it’s fairly common to leave off the indirect object if it isn’t necessary to identify the wronged party (think the common phrasing of “so-and-so redeems themself”).

but while it isn’t incorrect to drop the indirect object, necessarily, there always is an indirect object; it isn’t possible to redeem a debt or a wrong that doesn’t exist, nor to have a debt without a creditor or a wrong without someone wronged. (as an aside, this is why redemption arc discourse tends to always be arguments about forgiveness—redemption does, inherently, definitionally, necessitate forgiveness—and this is also why i’m pedantic about differentiating ‘redemption arc’ vs ‘atonement arc’ vs ‘villain-to-hero arc’ and dislike the popular usage of redemption arc as an umbrella term.)

anyway, in simpler terms: when salem says “redeem these humans,” the apparent meaning of the next clause depends on whether or not one is predisposed to hear that phrase as a clipping and mentally append the implied indirect object, which makes her complete statement “why spend our lives trying to redeem these humans [from my sin in the eyes of the gods] when we could replace them with what they could never be?”

<- and then the question becomes, which “them” is she referring to? “these humans” or the gods who will judge whether redemption has been earned? her elision of the gods is entirely within the realm of common vernacular, and salem is a character who regularly circumlocutes (and earlier in the lost fable itself we have ozma’s quizzical “what are you saying?” signaling that salem’s speech is cryptic or confusing – because ozma doesn’t understand her; this is an intended trait versus the writers fumbling), and she says this in a moment of emotional distress (which she mostly bottles up, but while ozma is explaining all of this to her she’s leaning on the desk with her arms folded, listening intently – this is the same posture she has when she’s huddled in the shadows making herself miserable with conjurations of her children in 8.4).

so there’s quite a bit of weight here on the side of, “salem just discovered that her partner has been manipulating her into serving the gods she abhors throughout their entire relationship, she’s deeply shaken, she isn’t awesome at clearly articulating her thoughts in general; is it really surprising that she might misspeak to the tune of saying ‘them’ in reference to an (elided but necessarily implied) antecedent of ‘the gods’”

it (clearly) isn’t going to occur to most viewers as an obvious interpretation of the line, but i think it’s well within the bounds of what is reasonable for the narrative to later reveal that salem really meant this, particularly given how deliberate and how clear the storytelling themes are. definitely a risk, because some section of the audience is undoubtedly going to feel lied to and cry retcon, but rwby takes creative risks all the time.

and then there’s the ‘fairyales of remnant’ piece of it – the anthology is very much in dialogue with the lost fable across the board (on this see also ‘the two brothers’ presaging the thematic treatment of the brothers in v9, and ozpin’s paired commentaries on ‘the infinite man’ + ‘the girl in the tower’ being discussions of truth, propaganda, and forgiveness). so why does ‘the shallow sea’ begin like this:

Long ago, before the fish had scales, before the birds had feathers, and before the turtles had shells, when our god still walked and crawled and slithered the earth, there were only Humans and animals. (And Grimm. There have always been Grimm. There will always be Grimm. But those creatures don’t figure in this story, so just put them out of your mind, if you can.)

and end like this, after a story about the god of animals leading their chosen people to transform by submersion in magical waters, to the horror of those humans who refuse to change: 

From that moment on, there have been animals, Humans, and Faunus. And the descendants of the Humans who turned away from our god’s great gift have always carried envy in their hearts. To this day, they resent us for reminding them of what they are not and what they never can be.

humans and animals (and grimm) -> animals and humans and faunus, and the last line – the mythic explanation for human hatred of faunus – is a nearly direct repetition of the last thing salem says in the lost fable?

now obviously not everyone can be expected to read ancillary material like the fairytale anthology, and that’s why the shell game with the implied indirect object matters; but it is interesting that ‘the shallow sea’ is stated to be a very old oral tradition (one which “contains deep truths,” no less) and that it repeats that line in a context that is quite plainly not about genocide – but rather cultural pride in the face of intense, often violent, persecution. 

this story also 1. explicitly belongs to a closed tradition, and 2. is (obviously) one ozma knows despite there being no indication that he’s ever reincarnated as a faunus. which – together with the story’s age – adds up to at least the implication that it is possible he heard this story from salem, because the reasons she might be conversant in ancient faunus oral traditions are. well. obvious. 

…and if that’s so, then ‘the shallow sea’ as written in the fairytale anthology completely recontextualizes salem’s last statement in the lost fable as salem quoting from a faunus creation myth both she and ozma knew in order to express her rejection of the brothers’ mandate, which would 1. neatly explain why ozma seems to have understood exactly what she meant even though none of the lost fable witnesses picked up on it, and 2. provide an elegant and very simple opportunity to ease the general audience into this revelation by having a character in vacuo retell this myth, using that same closing line. you don’t even need to mention salem directly – the turn of phrase is memorable enough that a lot of viewers will go “…why does that sound eerily familiar” and that plants a seed for later. (or if you’re going for more of a sudden record scratch moment, salem is the one declaiming.)

from a character standpoint, it also makes a lot of sense for salem to respond to ozma in this way – his liking for stories is, one presumes, not a new thing that developed after the ozlem kingdom’s collapsed, and he also clearly isn’t just cynically using fairytales to deceive and manipulate – else he wouldn’t have apologized to the kids by referencing ‘the girl who fell through the world’ and comparing himself to alyx. stories are just important to him and part of how he communicates.

so if salem heard everything his god told him and then said “no, none of that matters, why spend our lives trying to redeem these humans when we could [paraphrases the conclusion of a story where the hateful envious people who refuse to change are simply sent home and not allowed to live in the harsh but free new world with the people who chose to embrace change]” – she made an effort to say what she meant in his language, and what she meant was either 1. figuratively associating the brothers with the envious humans who were sent home and “these humans” with the faunus who were now free to determine their own fates, or 2. “okay yeah these humans aren’t great, have you considered more faunus as a solution” (<- this would be extremely funny if it turns out the shallow sea is a more literal story than i think it is, but i think it’s much less likely).

more broadly, to the question of why the line is written that way – i can only speculate based on what i would be thinking in the writer’s shoes, and the overall structure of the narrative around salem – but i imagine the absoluteness is sort of the point. it’s meant to be a really shocking and frightening thing to hear coming out of her mouth, while also being, if you pause to think very precisely about what she said, quite plausible as a verbal stumble – the alternative antecedent of “the gods” for “them” is implied and eliding the indirect object of “redeem” is common vernacular – and then there’s this other possibility hinted in an ancillary text that she might have actually been quoting a story as a verbal shorthand both she and ozma understood. 

there’s a narrative expectation that the viewer will be right there with the kids making the same snap judgment about what salem meant – because i think the kids all absolutely did take this at face value as a statement of genocidal intent. the story itself is structured like a nesting doll such that each new revelation appears at a glance to be the whole story, but isn’t and in fact has large gaps and details that don’t add up which become glaringly obvious as soon as you reach the next layer and look back, but if you’re paying careful attention as you go it’s also quite possible to piece together the missing pieces. 

delivering information this way trains the audience (…mostly) to expect that the information we’re given is incomplete and maybe not wholly accurate. the advantage here is that even if the vast majority of the audience is completely blindsided by a specific reveal, for most viewers that’s going to feel really exciting – this happened in v9 with the lore reveals about the brothers, massive overnight reversal in the mainstream fandom views of darkness with the general mood being that it was cool – as opposed to feeling tricked or lied to by a “retcon.”

and that builds up a certain kind of trust, that the story is a puzzle but it isn’t going to cheat. it’s also a bit of a challenge or an invitation for the audience to try to figure out what’s coming, like a mystery.

with salem, i’d bet that one line in the lost fable is supposed to seem weirder and weirder the more you think about it, because… why doesn’t it track with anything she says before that point in the lost fable? why does the story begin with salem waxing poetic about humanity’s virtues? why does the narrative make such a big deal out of nobody knowing what salem wants AFTER the main characters witnessed a seemingly open-and-shut declaration of her “true” intention?

at the same time, the amount of explanation required to argue for an alternate interpretation – even if it’s really not complex or a reach – compared to the ease of just taking the statement exactly at face value, in and of itself is both a misdirection (most of the audience will take the path of least resistance, and hopefully enjoy the journey the story takes them on while leading them to the eventual right answer) and sort of the thesis with respect to the storytelling themes. salem thinks coolsville sucks!

but i am also very willing to consider (because of my own intuitive reaction to the line) that the writers perhaps did not mean for it to seem quite as unambiguous as the general audience and most of the fandom ended up taking it, because if you’re spending a lot of time immersed in a specifically theological context regarding redemption (which the writers probably would’ve been, given the importance of the religious narrative in the lost fable and in relation to this line in particular) – and if you’re also in the habit of being very precise and careful about how you phrase things (which is true of how rwby is written in general) – and if you’re writing what might be the most critical episode in a complicated puzzle box story, whose fulcrum is a red herring that is also meant to provide a clue to anyone who thinks to look at it more closely and with an open mind — then yeah i can see a scenario where the writers may have felt that the specific wording of salem’s statement was more ambiguous than it actually is. in which case the echo in ‘the shallow sea’ might have been a bit of an effort to correct course by giving the subset of fans invested enough to read the fairytales (<- the cohort most likely to be keen to unravel the puzzle) an additional hint. who knows.