#WHY DO THEY EXPECT ME TO HAVE TOLD THEM ABOUT MY TRANSITION

[a1kane]

i hate cis people i really do

[gor3sigil]

"But whyyyy did u transition if it's to be gender non comforming/still dress "like a girl"/not change your gender marker/yada yada"

Why ? Because I can. As privileged as it sounds, I want to show everyone that it's a path worth taking. Because I firmly believe that people should do whatever the fuck they want if it makes them more comfortable in their skin. Because I got told all my fucking life that my body didn't belong to ME, but to my future husband, to my parents, to society, and if I could eat back my freshly cut uterus you bet your ass I would. To show that I can cut up parts of myself and swallow them back if I PLEASE.

And you can too. You can choose for this path for yourself today, tomorrow, in 10 years, I'll be right there and I'll tell you "oh, nice to meet you !" If you want to start over or "nice to see you again" if you want to just go on. We can celebrate, we also can just smile and keep living like nothing has changed, whatever floats your boat, because I know that sometimes I felt like partying on a new birthday, sometimes I just wanted to feel like every thing was still in the same place has before. As I was changing, it was reassuring to see the world stay the same around me, like a steady floor I could jump on without it crashing down under my feet.

We're living scary times. But when I hear about the trans elders who came out in the 70s (thanks MardiPants for her testimonies), and see how few of them survived to tell their tales, I feel like we have wayy more ways to protect each other now than before.

So let's do it, okay ? Let's protect each other. And when I say that, let me be super clear: let's protect EVERYONE. If someone falls, we stop, and we help. We don't run ahead and expect people to catch up. If someone falls, we stay with them, and when they're up and ready to go on, then we walk together. This is the only way we'll ever make consistent, long-lasting progress, not the false victories that only benefit the Chosen Ones(TM). These victories aren't victories.

Take care of yourselves and keep a close eye on your community. Lend a hand if you can, when you can. Even if it's just one time, it can make a big difference.

[walkingstackofbooks]

Doctor Bashir I Presume AU where Julian transitioned during the Academy but never told his parents: (This totally got out of hand I'm sorryyyy 😅)

"What did you do to your lovely hair?" - Amsha's first reaction to seeing him in Sisko's office (He always wore a wig to visit them. This is exactly why.)

"You must be very proud of your son." "Our... son?"

Richard and Amsha trying to hide how unimpressed they are because they know it's socially unacceptable to be transphobic

(Not that they'd call themselves transphobic, of course. They have trans friends! But with Jules, well, it's different, isn't it? With all that they spent on her enhancements, there's no way her DNA would have been left with any... imperfections. And when it comes down to it, their her parents - they know her better than she knows herself.)

Amsha complaining at dinner how Julian hadn't prepared them for the shock of seeing him. "How could you do this to us? We were so embarrassed in front of your Captain."

(As if it wasn't them in the first place who had showed up totally unannounced 🙃🙄)

Richard saying that if Julian had told them he'd been having these feelings from the beginning, they might have been able to get help for him before he ruined his body.

Richard (angrily): "You've got some nerve, asking us to be careful with this Zimmerman chap! With the sort of risks you've been taking? Don't you realise how easily you could have been found out, all for some unnecessary surgery?" Julian (painfully restrained): "I don't expect you to understand, father, but it was necessary for me." Amsha (sadly): "Your father's just looking out for you, Jules. Try to understand that."

Misunderstandings abound when talking to Miles*, but eventually it's cleared up that Julian's parents are shit.

Cue a lot of anger (and a lot more anger than Julian thought anyone would feel. Because, you know, when you grow up knowing that your parents aren't the most accepting people, you figure that's just what some parents are like, rather than assuming yours are among the most outliers of outliers...)

Miles tells Julian he should talk to Sisko and get his parents kicked off the station. Julian's like, "That's a nice idea, but the captain can't just do that unless he's got a good reason" and Miles is like "You do know that persistently misgendering someone is literally a Federation hate crime, right?"

The Bashirs of course deny any wrongdoing. Richard gets angry, claiming "it's a family matter". Amsha starts crying about how unfair it all is.

"You have to understand, Captain -- she's been our daughter for over thirty years. We know Jules is angry with us but please, she knows that we love her really. If you could just let us talk to her--"

Sisko is fuming. "I might believe you cared if you had made any attempt to get Julian's gender right." "You don't know what it's like!" Amsha protests. "This is all so sudden!" "I know exactly what it's like!" Ben snaps back. "And I'll tell you, I didn't for a second consider telling Jake that I didn't believe him, or that he must be mistaken, or that he needed to be patient with my mistakes. In fact, I made sure as hell that I didn't make mistakes. There's no case here, as far as I'm concerned. You're both confined to quarters until the next shuttle arrives."

So I guess in the aftermath of all that, Julian's enhancements never get revealed. Even if the Bashirs were to make an apology, Miles would shut the hologram down, now he knows what Julian's parents are like.

But I think they probably feel too betrayed to try and make an apology, even a bad one.

So yeah, they're forced off the station and Julina actually gets, like, support and stuff from his friends!

Also, for like, a month afterwards, all of Molly and Yoshi's bedtime stories have trans main characters because Miles is low-key anxious about them ever starting to feel like Julian had about it not being okay.

(Keiko catches onto this and just happens to invite Julian around one night when it's storytime. Molly gets Julian to read her book. It's cute.)

(Afterwards, he enthuses about how he wishes he'd had books like that when he was a kid. And that's... sad.)

About two months later, when enough time has passed that Jadzia can pretend this isn't about Julian (although it totally is), Jadzia gets Quark and Jake involved in digging up some Earth history and holding a stationwide Pride celebration. (Julian appreciates both the gesture and the pretense.)

Garak makes some huffy comment to Julian about how "of course the Federation would have a whole festival devoted to degeneracy". Julian rolls his eyes and is about to take the bait, when he suddenly realises, "Wait, didn't Dukat once accuse you of being a degenerate?" "Wholly unsubstantiated claims, my dear Doctor." "Of course," Julian agrees sagely. "Although," he adds, a grin dancing across his lips, "if you ever find yourself wanting to substantiate them, Mister Garak..."

*The Misunderstandings:

"No offense, Julian, but you look wrecked. Is everything okay?"

Not meeting Miles' eyes, Julian takes a breath, as if to compose himself. "Let's just say that my parents are not exactly taking the news that I'm trans well."

In the moment, Miles chooses the wrong part of the sentence to focus on. "Wait, you're trans?"

Julian shrugs unhappily, a flash of anxiety passing over his face. "That doesn't... change how you feel about me, does it?" he asks hesitantly.

"'Course not!" replies Miles. "It's a bit of a surprise, I'll give you that, but-- No, sorry, I mean: what pronouns do you want me to use? Do you want to go by a different name?"

Before Julian can respond, Miles has another thought. "And what do you mean, your parents aren't taking this well? You're their son! -- Sorry, daughter-- offspring-- their child, I mean--"

"Hold up, Chief," Julian says, shaking his head in bemusement. "I'm still Julian. I'm very much a man. My parents just didn't know that until... yesterday."

"You never told them?"

"No."

"For how long?"

"Twelve years, if you're counting from when I first came out. More like twenty if you go from when I first knew."

"Jesus." Miles runs a hand through his hair. "Well, at least that explains why they're mad. That's an awfully big thing to hide from your own parents, Julian."

Julian grimaces. "I know," he replies, looking down. "It wasn't exactly brave, I guess but... I don't know. It was easier to cope with being misgendered because they didn't know, than being misgendered on purpose, you know?"

Being misgendered on purpose? This is such a bizarre statement, so at odds with what Miles knows of the world, that it takes him a minute to try and wrap his head around it.

"I'm lost, I'm afraid," he says eventually. "I can't, um-- Julian, what happened when you told your parents?"

[t4transsexual]

my friend, callie, had her funeral today. she committed suicide on halloween. nobody saw it coming

at first glance, it was very "her." everyone was wearing purple, there were train sets and a violin on the tables, but the names were under an old name she went by when she just started exploring her gender and her deadname. it seemed that no one had gotten the memo. they cut her hair a bit and buried her in scottish attire, which that bit was very appropriate

there was a preacher. callie was not a christian. he deadnamed and misgendered her the whole time. me and my friends (all trans, we mostly all went to school together, but we all knew her as callie) were just kinda mortified. the preacher asked if anyone had anything about her that theyd like to share, and since no one else was going to, i stood up. i said her name was callie, last i checked she was a trans woman, and i would refer to her as such. and then i read out the post i wrote about her, which ill put here:

"her name was callie. we met in high school before either of our transitions. she loved trains and wanted to work with them. she actually had a job before all this working on a train in dollywood. she was aggressive and assertive about who she was and that was beautiful. so many trans women are told they have to make themselves look small to be accepted and she refused to do that. she was the kind of butch that even if she was in a full dress and heels youd look at her and know shes a butch. thank you all for coming, and your friends would rather lift you up than put you in the ground if it came to that" i regret not adding that she was a raging communist because she wouldve wanted that, but i had no time to prepare

i wasnt expecting to speak but i felt it was only fair seeing as one of my biggest fears is being remembered under the wrong name. i had to stand up for my friend. pretty much everyone in the chapel came to me and thanked me for standing up for her (very small service). i wonder why they didnt say anything and i had to?

give trans women their flowers while they're still here. we'll miss you, callie

[jaynovz]

In discussions about the finale of Black Sails, one of the things I often see is folks hard-focusing on Flint's fate, in an either-or binary fashion, usually presented as "Which do you believe-- that Silver killed him? or sent him to the plantation?"

Now, for posterity's sake, gonna mention a few things-- first off, that's simply not thinking broadly enough. There are farrrr more than two options here and I've come up with my share of the reallyyyyy bad ones for sure. Whatever your mind chooses, none of those are happy endings anyway, there are bittersweet, bad, and worse endings all the way down. (They are paused, they are in a time loop, and also all endings and no endings are happening simultaneously)

But also, the more cogent point is that, it doesn't actually matter what happened *to Flint* The story is... not actually about him at that point. We have transitioned from Flint as protag to Silver as protag, setting up for (the fanfiction that Black Sails has ended up making of, ugh, king shit) Treasure Island.

And so, I just, don't find it to be of particular interest exploring what we think Flint is actually doing or if he's alive for real. What is EXTREMELY interesting to explore though is how Silver's speech at the end to Madi is sort of giving Thomas back to Flint as a pacifier/comfort object, but how... Silver is giving Flint that thing in his own mind as his own type of pacifier/comfort object.

That's the REALLY chewy bit. What actually happens to Flint is not the purpose of that scene for me, of Silver's recounting of events to Madi. It's more about... projection. It's about how Silver is dealing with whatever happened to Flint/whatever he did.

And I just feel like it's missing the point to focus so hard on if Flint is alive or not.

He is the ghost of the story regardless, that's what's important. He's going to haunt the narrative for the rest of everyone's lives. No one has been untouched or unscarred by coming into contact with Captain Flint; he has a forever legacy. I'm not the first to call him this, but he's Schrödinger's Flint and he's staying that way.

But this?

"No. I did not kill Captain Flint. I unmade him. The man you know could never let go of his war. For if he were to exclude it from himself, he would not be able to understand himself. So I had to return him to an earlier state of being. One in which he could function without the war. Without the violence. Without us. Captain Flint was born out of great tragedy. I found a way to reach into the past... and undo it. There is a place near Savannah... where men unjustly imprisoned in England are sent in secret. An internment far more humane, but no less secure. Men who enter these gates never leave them. To the rest of the world, they simply cease to be. He resisted... at first. But then I told him what else I had heard about this place. I was told prominent families amongst London society made use of it. I was told the governor in Carolina made use of it. So I sent a man to find out if they'd used it to hide away one particular prisoner. He returned with news. Thomas Hamilton was there. He disbelieved me. He continued to resist. And corralling him took great effort. But the closer we got to Savannah, his resistance began to diminish. I couldn't say why. I wasn't expecting it. Perhaps he'd finally reached the limits of his physical ability to fight. Or perhaps as the promise of seeing Thomas got closer... he grew more comfortable letting go of this man he created in response to his loss. The man whose mind I had come to know so well... whose mind I'd in some ways incorporated into my own. It was a strange experience to see something from it... so unexpected. I choose to believe it... because it wasn't the man I had come to know at all... but one who existed beforehand... waking from a long... and terrible nightmare. Reorienting to the daylight... and the world as it existed before he first closed his eyes... letting the memory of the nightmare fade away. You may think what you want of me. I will draw comfort in the knowledge that you're alive to think it. But I'm not the villain you fear I am. I'm not him."

This is the speech of a man who is self-soothing, who is spinning himself a tale, who is projecting, who is coping.

and THAT is just, way chewier, innit?

[forest-hashira]

Sweet Kiss

hey guys! i'm working on several other fics rn, so i just wanted to write something short & sweet that i could post in between other things, thus this little drabble! i love this series and wanted to do something cute for my princess. also, this is inspired by this post that @/xxsabitoxx made a while back and i thought was really cute (& got permission to use as inspo!). i know i've already done an installment about lip gloss, which is why this is just a little drabble, but i've had this idea bouncing around in my head for a while so i had to finally write it. i hope you guys enjoy! 💜

series masterlist | read on ao3 | wc: 675 | cw: gender neutral reader, transfem gojo, she's excited to try some flavored glosses, kissing

“Do you have a second?”

You looked up from your book when you heard your girlfriend’s voice, and you smiled at her when you saw her standing in the doorway of your bedroom. “‘Course I do, princess,” you told her, marking your page and setting the book aside before patting the empty space beside you on the bed. “C’mere.”

Satoru’s expression lit up at your invitation, and she rushed over to join you, nearly tripping over herself in her excitement. She wore neither her blindfold nor her sunglasses, and you could see the way her blue eyes shimmered with anticipation; clearly she had something she wanted to tell you. 

“What’s up, ‘Toru? You’re practically vibrating.” The way your teasing words made a blush crawl across her cheeks and up towards her ears made you smile, and you reached up to cup her cheek in your palm. 

“Got some new things I wanna try,” she admitted bashfully, leaning into your touch. 

You blinked in surprise. “Alright. What do you want to try?” This certainly wasn’t something you’d expected her to say, but you were more than willing to hear her out, especially if it had anything to do with her transition. 

Turning away from you for a second, she dug into her pocket before pulling out four little tubes of lip gloss in various colors. She gazed down at them for a moment as she asked, “Will you help me pick one?”

Even if you had considered denying her – which you definitely hadn’t – you wouldn’t have been able to tell her no when she looked up at you eyes with a gaze so hopeful it made your chest ache. “Yeah, princess, of course. Is this to wear out of the house, or here when it’s just the two of us?” A couple of the glosses she’d pulled from her pocket had much more noticeable tints than the ones you’d bought with her before, so you figured it would probably be something she would just wear at home with you. 

“Just for us,” she confirmed, opening the first tube – a clear gloss with a pearly white shimmer – and applying a little bit to her lips, spreading it around just like you’d taught her. 

“That one looks nice,” you told her with a small smile. “Can I see the next one?” 

“Not yet,” Satoru said with a smile, placing a hand on your hip and tugging you a bit closer. “They’re flavored, so you gotta taste them.” She pulled you into a kiss then, a little more heated than the chaste kisses you usually exchanged during the day. 

Though you were a bit surprised, you certainly didn’t protest, easily returning the kiss while it lasted. You could taste a hint of coconut, which you assumed was from the gloss, and you smiled as you pulled away. 

“Well,” you hummed in consideration, “I like that one, but I want to reserve judgment until I’ve tasted them all. What’s next?”

She repeated the process with the other three glosses, wiping her lips with a tissue in between to make sure the flavors didn’t blend together. The peach toned gloss, unsurprisingly, tasted of peach; the bright pink tasted like bubblegum; and the classic red tasted like cherries. Each kiss left you wanting more, but you managed to behave yourself. 

“So?” Satoru asked eagerly, after helping you taste the cherry gloss. “Which one is your favorite?”

You blinked up at her for a moment before you spoke, trying to figure out how to entice her into kissing you again; you were sure you already had lip gloss all over your mouth, but quite frankly, you didn’t care. “Hmm,” you eventually managed, unable to suppress your grin as you wrapped your arms around her neck and pulled her back into your space. “I’m not sure. I think you need to let me taste them all again.”

She giggled at your words, smiling against your lips as you kissed her again, both of you collapsing into the pillows before she could reapply any gloss.

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[riddles-n-games]

So I've finally read through the excerpt of the six chapters of That Night in Prague. I love the character art at the start and good on to whoever guessed Pain at the Right Gun is an anagram. Now, my initial thoughts are that the set up is a great start to this scavenger hunt around Prague and Jameson and Avery are being the competitive couple they always are. However, that being said, the romance is faltering. Yes, there is clearly a show of hidden romantic Jamie and helpless romantic Avery from before but I think JLB has forgotten how to write romance between them.

She is definitely changing certain things and I wonder if that is because she herself or her publishing house is pushing her to cater to booktok trends or something even though her og trilogy already is a household name in YA mystery. As I said earlier, the romance isn't romancing. I know Avery and Jameson are two years now into their relationship but Avery sounds not quite herself. She sounds like Jameson did in TBH but also more different at the same time. I feel like JLB forgot how she wrote her own character in TFG just two years earlier and it doesn't coincide with this one now. She is still 18 here and Jameson 19. I understand the physical aspects of their relationship regarding touch and kissing but this is where the disconnect happens for me regarding how she wrote them just two years ago versus now.

The innuendos are frankly getting annoying in my opinion and it feels so forced. Like, sorry, it translates awkwardly after the way the first books were written and if JLB really wanted to experiment with this, it could have been in another series or book. Not changing the style after being already six books into this world which also makes me wonder why she's now throwing this into so many POVs, it makes it hard to distinguish the character voice. I'm not saying that there shouldn't be a level of maturity but frankly, given the timeline, this sounds like a much older Avery, not the same 18 year old we are going back to.

When I remember what we were told regarding this book, "There is nothing frivolous about the way a Hawthorne man loves." I immediately thought of the loyal, vulnerable Jameson that came with his heart on his sleeve in THL, giving Avery the chance to choose who she wants to be with. I remember the way in her vulnerable moment when she wanted to be left alone after the discovery of her mother's postcards having hidden letters, he was the first to push aside the need for new answers. I'm not saying there weren't some moments like these already present but that's what I want to see.

I want flirty Jameson and Avery but I do not care for what I see currently. There doesn't seem like a proper bridge to that gap in their relationship which is saying something because the transition between THL and TFG regarding their romance was better than a gap that was smaller than that from TFG to now, just some months prior to the events of TBH. Call me a Debbie Downer, but since TBH, I've seen my expectations for proper integration of something new while respecting the old not being met as I thought.

Of course, as always, this is simply my opinion and if you agree, great. If you don't, well that's fine, too.

[kristsingto]

Thinking about the Mock-Trailer for The Ex-Morning

Pathapi is said to be the Best Reporter of the Year in the beginning. How. I want to know his career accomplishments so badly? I need to know how he got here!

I’ve been considering why Pathapi acts the way he does in the beginning. Has he always been like, since his university days? Or was it perhaps heartbreak and the passage of time that’s made him more like this? 

Aou is being made to play the exasperated best friend in Be My Favorite and the rival with coffee thrown on him in The Ex-Morning. Someone give both characters a raise. And a boyfriend!

I looooove the trope of the arrogant, whiny jerkass in a successful position who gets humbled. And that paired with him rebuilding his reputation with his ex-boyfriend of all people? I am so ready to see Pathapi’s character arc, and the things Tamtawan makes him do in this trailer makes me think he’ll get more in-tune with the spirit of good reporting and why it’s so important.

How does Tamtawan know and decide to come back? Obviously, he wants to help Pathapi and is still in love with him, but why did he leave? WHY DID HE LEAVE? Later in the trailer, when present-day Tamtawan leaves, it’s after he’s told “Tam. You have two options now.” What are the two options? The way Tamtawan leaves and the look on his face makes him look regretful, but what exactly is motivating him trying to leave here? Why did he leave in the first place? Does Pathapi know? His face looks half confused rather than just heartbroken!

What has Tamtawan been up to? I am intrigued.

The SOTUS reference in their university days flashback? I am obsessed. They were so sweet in that one frame, it makes me wonder how they fell in love. How different were they? How much of the same remains in them? How did they fall in love? Oh my god!

The transition from Pathapi being awkward with shirtless only-clothed-in-a-towel Tamtawan to taking his own shirt off and asking if Tamtawan has an ulterior motive to fluster him is hilarious to me. I love how forward Pathapi is here! And Tamtawan getting flustered is amazing. Oh my god, I love this trailer. It balances a comedic tone, angst, tension, etc all in one show. Can’t help but adore it.

“You’re still the same selfish jerk.” I need to know what happened! I said this above and I’m saying it again. I am intrigued.

Uni Tamtawan pulling Pathapi by his tie? I am obsessed.

The umbrella scene is both so very P’Lit and so very much a SOTUS reference, it delights me. I wonder how many SOTUS references we’ll have in the show proper.

I wonder if the car accident will coincide with the climax of the show.

That! Last! Scene! I suppose this is a scene when they’re hooking up but not properly together, seeing as they’re flirting, shirtless, and probably just had sex, but still won’t admit they still like each other. This sounds great to me.

I’ve mostly not talked about the meta elements here, because I feel it’s less about the contents of the actual trailer and more about the nature of the series as such a KristSingto RPF-type plot. Anyway, I love it. Everything about the meta of this series is perfect to me, and exactly what I wanted. This show is SO fun to think about when you know about the lore of KristSingto in real life. I’m half expecting Tamtawan to have hazed Pathapi at this point!

Side note that is not a side note: I LOVE THEIR ACTING! I love their characters!

Is this vers? I’m going to say it’s vers or Top Krist until proven wrong, because that last scene? Well. Let’s put the KristSingto into the KristSingto.

I love the small cast and the focus on KristSingto! I just need to say this. I am so excited for this comeback, in-part because it really is just Tamtawan and Pathapi’s story.

Tamtawan is supposed to mean “follow” and “sun” whereas Pathapi means earth/soil/ground. Coming off of KongArt, where Arthit is obviously “sun,” and KristSingto, who compare themselves to the sun and moon, this seems so definitely meaningful. Aof and Lit, I need to know what you’re cooking! 

The coals scene is sooooo perfect, both for the characters AND KristSingto themselves. Again bringing it back to the meta of it all, but, oh my god? This is perfect? Aof wrote a screenplay that was KristSingto RPF? On that note, I keep thinking about the idea of KristSingto channeling their feelings from the irl work-partner “break up” and it makes me go a little crazy. Especially with Krist talking about all his efforts to bring Singto back, and how he over-thought it when Singto left. And even more so seeing as they say they’re basically playing themselves.

The lyrics of the song used in the trailer are so fitting, I am now looping it and thinking about Pathapi and Tamtawan forever and ever.

I noticed that Tamtawan goes by “Tam” but did I miss it for Pathapi in the trailer, or do we get no indication of his nickname? I’m curious.

The “Begin Again” for the new Peraya Party speaks to both KristSingto and their new characters, and this is again making me go, oh god it’s true they’re just playing themselves.

I said my ideal KristSingto BL was a vers exes-to-lovers that parallels reality. Evidently, I was not alone.

Is it just me, or do the Pathapi + animals and Pathapi + soil degradation water scenes feel a lot like certain episodes of Friendship with KristSingto? Just me? Maybe it’s just Krist. I love him so dearly.

So much is revealed in this trailer, but that somehow makes me more intrigued about what is not being revealed to us?

Krist still goes for the top lip and Singto still goes for the bottom lip when they kiss. This kills me every time. I am so excited to see lovey-dovey Tamtawan and Pathapi!

[madaqueue]

Practice Makes Perfect | Chapter 12

synopsis: you and yuji have been best friends basically as long as you can remember, and you made a promise to each other to stay friends and help each other be the best versions of yourselves for your future partners. but will things change when yuji finally starts looking for a relationship?

pairing: yuji itadori (18+) x f!reader

themes/content: modern college au (characters aged up to 18+). language, fluff. 18+, MDNI

word count: 1.3k

a/n: we're in the home stretch y'all aaaAAH

previous chapter | series masterlist | next chapter

A week has passed since you and Yuji told each other your true feelings. Things aren't the same, but you wouldn’t want them to be.

You’ve seen him practically every day since then, whether he’s bringing you lunch between classes or spending the night with each other, you feel like you can finally breathe again when he is with you.

“You know,” he says one night while you’re watching TV in his dorm, “eventually you’re gonna have to tell Fushiguro why you kissed him.” He takes a bite of the cereal sitting in his lap.

“Shit, I can’t believe I forgot to do that. I was honestly so caught up with spending time with you I just didn’t think about it,” you respond truthfully.

“Aww, someone got distracted by me?” he teases, leaning his head over onto your shoulder and looking up at you. You push him off with a chuckle. “Hey now, don’t spill my cereal, I only have one set of sheets here and I’m not about to ruin these,” he laughs, that permanent grin spread across his face.

–

The next morning, you figure it’s time to have that conversation with Megumi. You’ll be seeing him in class today, which at least makes the transition a bit easier. Since you and Yuji made up, you've started coming back out of your shell again and allowing your smile to appear more, which Megumi has noticed but hasn’t verbally acknowledged.

When the lecture concludes, you turn to him before packing your things up.

“Hey, are you free right now? I wanted to talk to you about something,” you say, a soft smile on your face.

“Sure,” he responds, “I found a new cafe if you’d want to try that?” After weeks of barely hearing your voice and never seeing you outside of class, your request makes his heart flutter.

“Actually, I would kind of prefer one we’ve already been to before if that’s alright with you?”

“Of course,” he says, a grin now forming on his face. Seeing you smile is enough to light up the room, and he’s just happy to have you back.

–

Megumi sits at a booth as you walk over holding two drinks in your hand. By now you know his order by heart (it does help that it’s just black coffee) and you place the two mugs down in the middle of the table. You’re back where it all started, in the first coffee shop you two ever went together. The high ceilings, bookshelves lining the walls, and warm light feels like coming home.

You take your seat across from him, thinking about just how long it’s been since you were in his presence like this. Seeing him seated across from you, fluffy black hair and all-black clothes, the familiar warm scent of his cologne, you can feel your body relax a tenseness you didn’t know it still held.

Taking a small sip of your latte, your eyes move up to meet his. “How’s your sister?” you ask.

You can tell by the way he opens his mouth and closes it again, his lips curving up into a smile as he pauses, that this was not how he expected you to start this conversation. “She’s good,” he says, a soft grin on his face. “Her surgery finally got rescheduled for later this month, so hopefully things just keep getting better from there.”

“I’m glad to hear it” you respond, your voice genuine. “I was thinking about her, and you, when we weren’t really talking as much, so I just wanted to check how things were going."

His eyes soften as he looks at you. You really do care about him. “Thanks,” he breathes.

A comfortable silence falls between you for a moment as you both slowly drink your coffees.

“So,” Megumi begins, placing an elbow on the table and his chin in his open palm, “what did you want to talk to me about?”

Your body tenses slightly, knowing this is about to be difficult.

Taking in a deep breath, you open your mouth to respond, but he cuts you off before you can get anything out. “Is this about when you kissed me?” he asks, a smirk forming on his lips as he cocks his head to the side.

“Y-yeah,” you stutter, breaking eye contact to look down at the table. You didn’t expect him to bring it up so easily, and with such…confidence?

“I figured,” he chuckles. “You know, I might not be the smartest guy here, but don’t forget I know you pretty well.” He pauses, taking another sip of his coffee. “My rough timeline was: you see Yuji at the party, you kiss me, you and Yuji fight, you make up, and now we’re here, right?”

Bringing your eyes back up, you scan his face, trying to identify what emotion he’s feeling as he walks you through exactly what happened over the past few weeks. You expect him to feel angry, betrayed, embarrassed, yet all you seem to find is…amusement?

“Mhm,” you nod, “that’s basically everything.”

His smile widens. “See, I told you I know you. If I’m being honest though, I did cheat a little bit - I could hear Yuji listening to sad music very loudly through the door for a while until it stopped about a week ago, so I figured you two made up.”

“And you’re not mad at me?” you ask, trying to hide how much your voice waivers.

“Of course not,” he chuckles. “Look, don’t take this the wrong way, but I see you strictly as a friend. I love hanging out with you and doing all the stuff we do together, but I never felt like I needed more than that. When you kissed me…” he trails off, reaching his free hand up to the back of his hair, “I figured you were just going through some stuff, and it sounds like I was right.”

You exhale, finally feeling the lingering stress about this conversation leaving your body. Your shoulders relax into the seat behind you and you close your eyes for a minute. “Thank you, Megumi,” you finally respond. “I’m really glad to have a friend like you.” A smile rests on your lips.

Turning back towards him, you open your eyes and reach your hand out to his shoulder. Just like the first time you met, he leans his cheek against the back of your hand as he stares at you from across the table, eyes soft. “Any time,” he whispers.

–

Things are…easy, again. You and Yuji’s friends - now your friends - hang out every weekend, going to some party or just playing board games on the floor of one of their dorm rooms. You grow to love Toge, the sweet white-haired boy who brought you drinks at the first party you went to with Megumi and who you learn helped Yuji smuggle in the red wine that ruined one of your dresses. You get to see Maki and Nobara together, watching how Nobara shamelessly plants herself in Maki’s lap whenever she gets a chance or pretends to steal her glasses before gently placing them back on her face with a kiss. You and Megumi still hang out all the time, too, and you even started going farther and farther off campus to search for new cafes to try. Every morning feels like a gift, in part because you get to wake up next to the warmth of your favorite person.

One night after you and Yuji return to your dorm after karaoke with your friends - at which, Nobara did an incredible rendition of Somebody To Love - the two of you are cuddling in your bed when he pulls away for a moment.

He props himself up on an elbow to look at you, his eyelids low as he traces along your hips with his fingers. He’s in nothing but his sweatpants, you in a loose t-shirt and pajama shorts. “You know…” he says, a grin tugging at the corners of his face, the one that he knows you always melt for, “there’s still one thing we didn’t get to practice.”

“Oh yeah?” you tease with a chuckle. “And what’s that?”

His eyes never leave yours, and you notice them darken slightly as he opens his mouth to speak. His voice comes out low, raspy. “I want to fuck you.”

previous chapter | series masterlist | next chapter

[nagichi-boop]

I spent a day with Angela Giarratana felt lowkey therapeutic, so here’s some parts that I found particularly profound and/or comforting (with some minor tweaks to condense the quote)

(Putting under a cut cuz I realised there are too many good quotes and this got long)

— (Angela) “The reason why I have so much is because I lead with the word ‘yes.’ And I said yes to everything, which is why I think I have so many fun avenues to create and great groups of collaborators. But someone told me that ‘no’ is actually magnetic too, and that saying no will open up other things for you.”

— (Angela) “I can be enough and not be ridiculous. I can just sit and talk, and I’m not letting anyone down, it’s not boring. It’s hard for me not to have a joke lined every 5 seconds, like am I only making jokes so I don’t lose someone cuz I’m worried I’m getting boring? And it’s just sitting in that space going; ‘if I am boring, let’s just see - will everyone walk out? Will everyone hate me? I dunno, there’s only one way to find out.’”

— (Angela) “If we’re being really honest, I think somewhere deep down, I think I am boring and not interesting. As I grow older I notice it, and I then care less and less. I think the more I see people stick around for just who I am, it makes me feel more comfortable. As I’m getting older, I feel more and more vulnerable with just being myself.”

— (Anthony) “It’s tiring to wear a mask and be something because people want you to be this way. And there was a big period of time where I was afraid of people not liking me, so I was trying to be as broadly appealing as possible. ‘I want everyone to like me! There’s one commenter that didn’t like me? How can I change to make sure that person likes me too?’ But I’ve come to realise that actually, this is an awesome way to filter out sh—y people that I don’t even want to like me. If someone only likes me because I’m fake and I’m trying to be this person for them, actually I don’t want them to like me.”

— (Angela) “‘I want every single person to like me, because if every single person likes me, that means I’m valued, and that means I am of value and I’m not a piece of sh—.’ But then you go; ‘I don’t know if I’m genuinely connecting with anyone, cuz every single thing I’m doing is bullsh—, and I’m just emulating what I think this person wants so they can approve of me, and that’s just a lonely place to live.’”

— (Angela) “Sometimes when you’re around abusive friendships or relationships that might not be good for you is when you don’t feel like you can have an opinion - that’s when you know. Like something in you is thinking, ‘I’ll do whatever you want cuz it’ll be easier that way.’ That’s a safety mechanism that you don’t really need if you’re feeling fully supported.”

— (Anthony) “When you surround yourself with people that expect you to do whatever they want or they expect you not to have an opinion, in a sense it’s almost like you don’t necessarily respect yourself fully, so you are allowing people who don’t fully respect you into your life.”

— (Anthony) “With these transitional periods, there’s so much uncertainty, and I feel like that’s really scary when you’re used to knowing what you’re going to do. And sometimes you find peace in having that North Star that’s super obvious. But there’s actually so much freedom in this time of uncertainty. Cuz if someone says ‘what are you gonna do?’, you’re like ‘I dunno, I’ll figure it out as it comes; as my day progresses, as my life progresses, I’ll figure it out in the moment.’”

— (Anthony) “I feel like the more that you are comfortable being yourself and the less that you do worry about what people think of you, it’s actually the opposite effect. I feel like it’s natural to think that if you care about what people think of you that you’ll be more entertaining. But what’s interesting is it’s the opposite effect I’ve realised. The less you care about what they think about you, the more that it will actually attract them to be like, ‘wait, oh she’s just being herself,’ and it makes it so much more interesting. I think it’s the authenticity.”

— (Anthony) “I feel like our entire culture is centered around the outcome of everything that we do, and that’s why we’re so future oriented; we’re never in the present just enjoying it. It’s like turning on a song just to get to the end of it. It’s like doing a dance just to do the final pose. That’s not the point - it’s about the process.”

— (Anthony) “We all want what’s familiar, even if it’s hurtful, because it’s like; ‘I know I can deal with that pain. I know I can deal with that uncomfortable feeling. That’s a lot of discomfort, but I know I can handle that.’”

— (Anthony) “It’s preemptively feeling less than just in case you have to feel less than in the future.” (Angela) “Cuz I’d rather feel less than on my terms than someone making me do that cuz it hurts more.” (Anthony) “But when you do it on your terms, you almost invite because people will treat you and you will be treated in the way that you perceive yourself. And if you perceive yourself as less than because you preemptively want to feel that feeling, you are inviting that to happen.”

[bestworstcase]

Your post re: Salem's attitudes towards magic got me thinking about "Why spend our lives trying to redeem these humans, when we can replace them with what they could never be?" from Lost Fable again. I'm finding it a little difficult to blame people for believing she thinks the current crop of humans are just inferior when the only subject on offer in that sentence is "these humans." Of course when you stop to think for two seconds why Salem says or does anything she does it makes total sense that her hangup is with the gods, but that just makes me wonder even more why write the script like that? How unreliable is the direct dialogue in Jinn's vision supposed to be taken vs. her narration? (The simplest read of that episode seems to be of course the narration is biased per the question asked, but otherwise it's a frame narrative for the flashbacks which may or may not be more objective portrayals of events. The fact that the characters are also physically witnessing these scenes means they can't be 100% objective I think, but still leaves open the question of what's skewed and by how much.)

Unreliable or not, it's just a surprisingly absolute statement to put in her mouth considering how often we're invited to question her motivations everywhere else.

i do take the dialogue in the lost fable to be accurate to what the characters said, perhaps with some smudginess if what we’re seeing is ozpin’s memories exactly – in which case the dialogue in scenes he wasn’t present for is suspect because it’s what he imagines was said based on what salem told him, and the rest is probably closely accurate paraphrase because no one could be expected to remember the exact wording of conversations from several thousand years ago! but even then i would expect the parts he was there for to be reliable enough. 

so much rides on the lost fable and specifically this one line that it would be beyond cheap for the resolution to be “she didn’t say that at all, actually.”

the first time i watched the lost fable, i did intuitively interpret that line as salem alluding to the gods – so i think there’s probably some degree of her statement reading as ambiguous or not ambiguous depending upon how one habitually uses the word “redeem.” specifically: how precise one is about the verb requiring an indirect object. 

to ‘redeem’ something means to take some action to settle a debt, or redress a wrongdoing, which—inherently—implies the presence of a creditor or wronged party. in some contexts, the implied creditor is only an abstraction (think “the city’s robust public transportation is its only redeeming quality”—redemption is used here in a figurative sense to mean that the one making the statement dislikes everything but the city’s transit system); and in casual speech it’s fairly common to leave off the indirect object if it isn’t necessary to identify the wronged party (think the common phrasing of “so-and-so redeems themself”).

but while it isn’t incorrect to drop the indirect object, necessarily, there always is an indirect object; it isn’t possible to redeem a debt or a wrong that doesn’t exist, nor to have a debt without a creditor or a wrong without someone wronged. (as an aside, this is why redemption arc discourse tends to always be arguments about forgiveness—redemption does, inherently, definitionally, necessitate forgiveness—and this is also why i’m pedantic about differentiating ‘redemption arc’ vs ‘atonement arc’ vs ‘villain-to-hero arc’ and dislike the popular usage of redemption arc as an umbrella term.)

anyway, in simpler terms: when salem says “redeem these humans,” the apparent meaning of the next clause depends on whether or not one is predisposed to hear that phrase as a clipping and mentally append the implied indirect object, which makes her complete statement “why spend our lives trying to redeem these humans [from my sin in the eyes of the gods] when we could replace them with what they could never be?”

<- and then the question becomes, which “them” is she referring to? “these humans” or the gods who will judge whether redemption has been earned? her elision of the gods is entirely within the realm of common vernacular, and salem is a character who regularly circumlocutes (and earlier in the lost fable itself we have ozma’s quizzical “what are you saying?” signaling that salem’s speech is cryptic or confusing – because ozma doesn’t understand her; this is an intended trait versus the writers fumbling), and she says this in a moment of emotional distress (which she mostly bottles up, but while ozma is explaining all of this to her she’s leaning on the desk with her arms folded, listening intently – this is the same posture she has when she’s huddled in the shadows making herself miserable with conjurations of her children in 8.4).

so there’s quite a bit of weight here on the side of, “salem just discovered that her partner has been manipulating her into serving the gods she abhors throughout their entire relationship, she’s deeply shaken, she isn’t awesome at clearly articulating her thoughts in general; is it really surprising that she might misspeak to the tune of saying ‘them’ in reference to an (elided but necessarily implied) antecedent of ‘the gods’”

it (clearly) isn’t going to occur to most viewers as an obvious interpretation of the line, but i think it’s well within the bounds of what is reasonable for the narrative to later reveal that salem really meant this, particularly given how deliberate and how clear the storytelling themes are. definitely a risk, because some section of the audience is undoubtedly going to feel lied to and cry retcon, but rwby takes creative risks all the time.

and then there’s the ‘fairyales of remnant’ piece of it – the anthology is very much in dialogue with the lost fable across the board (on this see also ‘the two brothers’ presaging the thematic treatment of the brothers in v9, and ozpin’s paired commentaries on ‘the infinite man’ + ‘the girl in the tower’ being discussions of truth, propaganda, and forgiveness). so why does ‘the shallow sea’ begin like this:

Long ago, before the fish had scales, before the birds had feathers, and before the turtles had shells, when our god still walked and crawled and slithered the earth, there were only Humans and animals. (And Grimm. There have always been Grimm. There will always be Grimm. But those creatures don’t figure in this story, so just put them out of your mind, if you can.)

and end like this, after a story about the god of animals leading their chosen people to transform by submersion in magical waters, to the horror of those humans who refuse to change: 

From that moment on, there have been animals, Humans, and Faunus. And the descendants of the Humans who turned away from our god’s great gift have always carried envy in their hearts. To this day, they resent us for reminding them of what they are not and what they never can be.

humans and animals (and grimm) -> animals and humans and faunus, and the last line – the mythic explanation for human hatred of faunus – is a nearly direct repetition of the last thing salem says in the lost fable?

now obviously not everyone can be expected to read ancillary material like the fairytale anthology, and that’s why the shell game with the implied indirect object matters; but it is interesting that ‘the shallow sea’ is stated to be a very old oral tradition (one which “contains deep truths,” no less) and that it repeats that line in a context that is quite plainly not about genocide – but rather cultural pride in the face of intense, often violent, persecution. 

this story also 1. explicitly belongs to a closed tradition, and 2. is (obviously) one ozma knows despite there being no indication that he’s ever reincarnated as a faunus. which – together with the story’s age – adds up to at least the implication that it is possible he heard this story from salem, because the reasons she might be conversant in ancient faunus oral traditions are. well. obvious. 

…and if that’s so, then ‘the shallow sea’ as written in the fairytale anthology completely recontextualizes salem’s last statement in the lost fable as salem quoting from a faunus creation myth both she and ozma knew in order to express her rejection of the brothers’ mandate, which would 1. neatly explain why ozma seems to have understood exactly what she meant even though none of the lost fable witnesses picked up on it, and 2. provide an elegant and very simple opportunity to ease the general audience into this revelation by having a character in vacuo retell this myth, using that same closing line. you don’t even need to mention salem directly – the turn of phrase is memorable enough that a lot of viewers will go “…why does that sound eerily familiar” and that plants a seed for later. (or if you’re going for more of a sudden record scratch moment, salem is the one declaiming.)

from a character standpoint, it also makes a lot of sense for salem to respond to ozma in this way – his liking for stories is, one presumes, not a new thing that developed after the ozlem kingdom’s collapsed, and he also clearly isn’t just cynically using fairytales to deceive and manipulate – else he wouldn’t have apologized to the kids by referencing ‘the girl who fell through the world’ and comparing himself to alyx. stories are just important to him and part of how he communicates.

so if salem heard everything his god told him and then said “no, none of that matters, why spend our lives trying to redeem these humans when we could [paraphrases the conclusion of a story where the hateful envious people who refuse to change are simply sent home and not allowed to live in the harsh but free new world with the people who chose to embrace change]” – she made an effort to say what she meant in his language, and what she meant was either 1. figuratively associating the brothers with the envious humans who were sent home and “these humans” with the faunus who were now free to determine their own fates, or 2. “okay yeah these humans aren’t great, have you considered more faunus as a solution” (<- this would be extremely funny if it turns out the shallow sea is a more literal story than i think it is, but i think it’s much less likely).

more broadly, to the question of why the line is written that way – i can only speculate based on what i would be thinking in the writer’s shoes, and the overall structure of the narrative around salem – but i imagine the absoluteness is sort of the point. it’s meant to be a really shocking and frightening thing to hear coming out of her mouth, while also being, if you pause to think very precisely about what she said, quite plausible as a verbal stumble – the alternative antecedent of “the gods” for “them” is implied and eliding the indirect object of “redeem” is common vernacular – and then there’s this other possibility hinted in an ancillary text that she might have actually been quoting a story as a verbal shorthand both she and ozma understood. 

there’s a narrative expectation that the viewer will be right there with the kids making the same snap judgment about what salem meant – because i think the kids all absolutely did take this at face value as a statement of genocidal intent. the story itself is structured like a nesting doll such that each new revelation appears at a glance to be the whole story, but isn’t and in fact has large gaps and details that don’t add up which become glaringly obvious as soon as you reach the next layer and look back, but if you’re paying careful attention as you go it’s also quite possible to piece together the missing pieces. 

delivering information this way trains the audience (…mostly) to expect that the information we’re given is incomplete and maybe not wholly accurate. the advantage here is that even if the vast majority of the audience is completely blindsided by a specific reveal, for most viewers that’s going to feel really exciting – this happened in v9 with the lore reveals about the brothers, massive overnight reversal in the mainstream fandom views of darkness with the general mood being that it was cool – as opposed to feeling tricked or lied to by a “retcon.”

and that builds up a certain kind of trust, that the story is a puzzle but it isn’t going to cheat. it’s also a bit of a challenge or an invitation for the audience to try to figure out what’s coming, like a mystery.

with salem, i’d bet that one line in the lost fable is supposed to seem weirder and weirder the more you think about it, because… why doesn’t it track with anything she says before that point in the lost fable? why does the story begin with salem waxing poetic about humanity’s virtues? why does the narrative make such a big deal out of nobody knowing what salem wants AFTER the main characters witnessed a seemingly open-and-shut declaration of her “true” intention?

at the same time, the amount of explanation required to argue for an alternate interpretation – even if it’s really not complex or a reach – compared to the ease of just taking the statement exactly at face value, in and of itself is both a misdirection (most of the audience will take the path of least resistance, and hopefully enjoy the journey the story takes them on while leading them to the eventual right answer) and sort of the thesis with respect to the storytelling themes. salem thinks coolsville sucks!

but i am also very willing to consider (because of my own intuitive reaction to the line) that the writers perhaps did not mean for it to seem quite as unambiguous as the general audience and most of the fandom ended up taking it, because if you’re spending a lot of time immersed in a specifically theological context regarding redemption (which the writers probably would’ve been, given the importance of the religious narrative in the lost fable and in relation to this line in particular) – and if you���re also in the habit of being very precise and careful about how you phrase things (which is true of how rwby is written in general) – and if you’re writing what might be the most critical episode in a complicated puzzle box story, whose fulcrum is a red herring that is also meant to provide a clue to anyone who thinks to look at it more closely and with an open mind — then yeah i can see a scenario where the writers may have felt that the specific wording of salem’s statement was more ambiguous than it actually is. in which case the echo in ‘the shallow sea’ might have been a bit of an effort to correct course by giving the subset of fans invested enough to read the fairytales (<- the cohort most likely to be keen to unravel the puzzle) an additional hint. who knows.

[judesmoonbeauty]

i love your theories on jude’s route and also your analysis of his words (the wedding event??? omg <3) so now i’m super curious to hear what your theories are in regards to him entering a relationship with kate 👀 like what would a confession of jude look like? or rather an acceptance of kate’s confession / her feelings? because i keep thinking of this one bond level chapter where kate told him she dreamt that jude said "i love you" and he just straight up said "wasn’t me. why are dreaming about other men" lmao and all the story events are either sorta pre-relationship or in-relationship. so how do you think the transition would look like? out of everyone jude truly seems like his own category haha and might stand out the most in comparison to the other main routes! the way he shows his love and care is always hidden behind other words so with him reading between the lines is so important… idk but i’d love to hear your thoughts!

Mild Spoilers from Events & Sexual content - MDNI

As usual, this is just for fun, we can't be dogmatic.

First, thanks for the ask, and I’m glad that you enjoyed my previous posts! I love this question, and sorry for the delay in responding, but I wanted to give it proper thought.

To start, I think it’s going to be a rough transition. Um, I feel like Jude is going to do everything he possibly can (no matter how crooked it is), to send Kate back home. I just feel the need to be prepared for A LOT of arguing between them at least in the first few chapters of their relationship.

Often times in his events (especially earlier ones), Jude is described as being cold, dispassionate. The Valentine’s Day CE -KissXXX- is an excellent example of this. So, I think he is definitely going to have a thick wall up, and I don’t expect him to be kind to her in any way.

I feel like there will be sexual intimacy between them, I don’t know how early on in the route, but I suspect that the first encounters will lack actual sentiment and emotional attachment. The island lust story is indicative of that (to me at least), they are together physically, but it’s more or less just to fill this sense of longing that they both have.

I can imagine a scenario where Jude says something spiteful and teasing to her about being “played” with by him, but she wouldn’t be able to handle it, and she’d be like, “Oh, wanna bet?” Cue the R18 scene. Then of course, the ending will have that emotional attachment when they are actually together….I’m hoping.

Now, in regards to who confesses to whom:

I could be SO wrong about this, but I really don’t see Jude confessing to Kate first. I’d love to see it, but knowing how much he goes through in his events (from intentionally sending her to an incorrect location for a mission, to trying to scare her into giving up), I doubt he’ll outright confess his feelings.

Of course, Jude’s Kate will have none of that.

It wouldn’t be surprising to me that Kate would confess to Jude first. His anniversary SE is what makes me think this. I’ve mentioned it somewhere before, but Kate tells Jude that they should just stick together because it’s too late. She reasons that she can’t ever return to a normal life anyway because people associate her with him now, and he gives in and signs her continuation contract.

Of a similar nature, I think she will tell him that they should stick together, of course with the bonus that she loves him.

I think that Jude will cave into the feelings that he’s been denying the entire time, and respond to Kate the way his VA - Kaito - said he would in an interview about Jude pre-game release:

“’The line, “If ya ever plan on runnin’ from me, ya better kill me first. ���Cause if ya don’t, I ain’t lettin’ ya go till you’ve turned to nothin’ but bone and dust.’” This line really captures the depth of his love for the heroine, and how at that point, only death could keep him away from her. It felt like he was confessing to her that it was all or nothing, that he was putting his life in her hands.’”

Will we ever hear the word’s “I love you,” from Jude in the main story? Maybe, if Kate is on the verge of death, and he says "I love you" when he’s terrified that she might die, and doesn't want there to be any regrets??? Or perhaps in a future event after his main story???

I think his above line, coupled with his actions, will shine upon just how much he loves his beloved, Kate. As usual, it’ll be fun to see just how off the mark I am when his route hits.

[yanderes-galore]

DBD Ghostie with your 13, 35, and 53 prompts?????

Oh sure! I had @okchijt help me due to the lack of plot! Hope you enjoy what we came up with :) Admittedly ended up taking my own route in the end of this but I did use their ideas a motivation this time! This was originally supposed to be like Evan's story but was changed as I was writing.

Yandere! DBD! Ghostface Prompts 13, 35, 53

"So what if a few people have to die? It'll only bring us closer!"

"Don't push me away, dear... I only want to be closer to you!"

"I left you a few voice mails, why didn't you pick up?"

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Stalking, Obsession, Murder, Manipulation, Technically kidnapping, Blood, Threats, Choking/Suffocation, Delusional behavior, Darling most likely has PTSD, Forced relationship, Creepy behavior.

Back in your hometown you've heard of the infamous Ghostface killer. There's been legends in other towns about it and there's even been coverage on it in the papers where you live. You never used to be all that scared of it, murder's something that happens in the city and some communities. It's eerie but the chances are low when it comes to it happening to you.

Until you got those infamous calls on the phone.

You told yourself that it would all be fine. You knew your friends and family would be all okay! It's just some prank calls, you don't have a stalker... especially not Ghostface!

You quickly succumbed to fear when the calls got worse. At first they were just meant to get you scared. Then they transitioned into creepy compliments about what you're wearing. You swore you saw shapes outside your window and camera clicks when things are too quiet.

The calls went from compliments to jealous threats and rage when you were near another person. You've called the police and they said they'd keep an eye out. However, the calls never stopped.

You let them all go to voicemail once you had enough. Your dread only grew when you watched the messages pile up and up. You didn't dare listen to them, fearing the worst.

Turns out you were right... you should fear the worst.

The peak of the danger was when your window broke, a scream of terror ripping itself from your throat. A person cloaked in black garb with the traditional Ghostface mask stands in the glass when you turn around. There's an intruder in your house...

and it's exactly as you've feared.

You don't give the killer a chance to talk before you run out of your house and out the back door. As expected, the killer... your stalker gives chase. You don't bother looking back, running into the woods with your phone in hand in hopes to lose him. You quickly tried to call the cops and prayed they'd at least have an idea of where to look.

"Hey there, baby...." He coos, by their voice you can assume they're a man. "You've been ignoring me lately~"

Is that blood on his clothes?

It's all a stupid idea in hindsight, but adrenaline makes people do dumb things. At the time it felt like your best decision. Perhaps... something was leading you there?

All you knew was to run. You could hear a second pair of footsteps follow you throughout the woods. At some point... your legs give out.

The killer pounces with no hesitation.

The man flips you over and straddles your waist. A knife is pressed to your neck in a silent breathe as you hear his breathe heavy behind the mask. You shake, the adrenaline wearing off and creating hallucinations due to being out of breathe.

That should explain the sudden strange black fog pouring in, right?

"I left you a few voice mails, why didn't you pick up?" Ghostface growls, his temper flaring. "Answer me!"

"I'm scared! I'm scared of you!" You blurt out the obvious, struggling against the killer. He responds by replacing his knife with his hand to squeeze your windpipe. Now you're really struggling to breathe.

What did you do to deserve this?

"I send you messages of love... adoration! Yet you just ignore me! Maybe you just don't get it..."

He squeezes harder, probably due to his rage. You smack his arm as a warning but he appears to caught up in his own thinking. Or maybe it's something else....

By the time you give up, you hear the man say one last thing.

"I'll make you understand at some point, dear... I'm Danny, your lover and nightmare, alright?"

---

You don't entirely process his delusions... your mind and body being consumed by the thickening fog.

The sirens never even reached your ears.

You wake up with quick breaths. You sit up quickly, surrounded by friends that you've made in this realm. It was a nightmare... or more likely a memory of who you were before this mess.

"Doing okay?" A survivor asks from their spot beside the campfire. You nod to them even if you're uneasy. You've been through much worse sense thing but now there's a lingering feeling of dread in your gut. Ever since then... you've never seen the killer again.

You know he's here. He entered when you did, yet you haven't seen any sign of him. The thought makes you concerned but you don't let anyone see. You silently wait for the next trial to start and the next game of death to begin.

With a whoosh in the distance, the next feat to overcome begins. By the time you open your eyes again the fog has transported you to another realm. You calm your breathing and choose to forget the memory you recalled moments earlier... it's not important anymore.

You switch your focus on a generator and let your mind wander. It's your typical trial... nothing's wrong. It's normal to have that feeling of being watched...

But why does it feel so familiar?

That isn't in your head... is it?

You're startled by a scream in the distance. You try to focus on your work and ignore it for now. You'll get them later... it'll be okay.

You focus on the generator with a survivor running over to help you. It's just like any trial. You're just thinking of the past....

You're shocked to your senses when a scream happens beside you. You blow the generator and quickly turn to see a figure holding the survivor that was with you. Black garb... Ghostface mask...

The demon from your past rears his ugly mask.

He gives you one look and a wave before disappearing into the shadows with the struggling survivor. You can barely hear anything except for the blood roaring in your ears. Adrenaline kicks in just like that night long ago... and you do what you do best.

Run.

This was no longer like the trials you knew. To you this was a repeat of your nightmare, your past. The blood, the forest, the fog... him.

It's all en echo of what happened before.

Your thoughts are confirmed by another scream, one different from the rest.

You continue to run, lost and confused in your own memories. You fear you're being watched again. You're hunted by the one you fear most.

"It's about time I saw you again."

A knife is tosses beside your head, hitting a wall by you. You freeze and turn your head towards the killer. His clothes smell metallic and he strolls towards you with a cocky stance.

"I see you remember me, you're quivering. It's me... your one and only Danny. I've been waiting to meet you again, it was bound to happen eventually."

"You already killed them... didn't you?"

"The Entity allowed me to bend a few rules for us." Ghostface... Danny purrs in a way that makes you ill. "So what if a few people have to die? It'll only bring us closer!"

"Closer!? The hell do you mean-"

"Aw, is that the part you forgot? Did you forget the fact that you and I are a thing? We're meant to be lovers, you and I! Why else did I call you every hour of the day and night?"

He comes closer, one hand grabbing his knife in the wall while the other quickly locks you in place. He's teasing you, he loves this torment. He loves to scare you....

"Stay away! Not again! I don't want to relive that night!"

"Don't push me away, dear... I only want to be closer to you!"

He holds you in place, this time a hand on your shoulder. He threatens to grab your neck like back then but allows you to be compliant. Even his words appear to be a threat for you to comply.

"Ohhh... I missed you..." He sighs, pulling you into a strange embrace before moving his mask enough so his lips are shown. "I've missed you, been wanting to see you for a long time now. I want to keep you... to love you... now I can."

He tilts your chin up, a twisted grin of satisfaction on his face.

"Even if you don't want me to."

He kisses you... but you don't fight. You were bound to see him again some day. You hoped you'd never have to.

Yet this is The Entity's realm...

It thrives on torment.

[papermint-airplane]

I'm really not doing well guys. Tl;dr my life sucks a lot. That's all you need to know.

My job is still jerking us around on the layoffs. They started in October of last year with "we're selling the department and laying everyone off in February" then when March rolled around and nothing had happened yet, told everyone "lol just kidding the buyer dropped out". So a lot of people quit because this clown company just told everyone it was willing to sell their jobs out from under them and didn't give a shit who was affected or how.

My job is not a job that can function when short staffed. It was already short staffed before they pulled this fakeout layoff shit and now we're lucky to have two people scheduled at any given time. They're paying thousands in overtime, begging people to come in even for a couple of hours on their days off because we don't have enough people to cover one shift, let alone the three they need because the department is 24/7. Customers are rude and entitled. I've been threatened, I've been called horrible names, I've been told I'm a shit human being and don't deserve to live. I'm not allowed to hang up on them. I'm expected to sit there and just take it and not say anything. Most days, we're so busy that I can't take my daily fifteen minute break or even get up to go to the bathroom. And that's only scratching the surface of what goes on at my job.

I have had a history of overworking myself in that job and everyone knows it. I've had literally hundreds of public panic attacks, three full-on mental breakdowns where I was screaming and literally tearing handfuls of my hair out in front of my coworkers from stress, ended up in the hospital twice because I thought I was having a heart attack, and took off three months in 2020 to check myself into an inpatient mental healthcare facility all the way across the country. I have had countless meetings with my supervisors and their supervisors and HR about the toxic work environment and shitty management. I had to beg them to take me off my 8 day rotation (four days of ten hour shifts, four days of eight hour shifts, all in succession with no days off in between) because I started shaking and laughing uncontrollably around day 6 because I was having a literal fucking breakdown. I have literally had to be taken away from work in an ambulance before.

On top of my anxiety being the worst it's ever been (and that includes when I lived with my abusive father), my depression has gotten so bad that all I can do nowadays is work and sleep. Sometimes I don't even get fully in the house before I pass out because I'm so exhausted. I have woken up on my living room floor after work more than once. I told them that I could no longer work shifts like that nor could I take overtime for my own mental health. And they still act like I'm lazy because I don't work 14 hour shifts daily. Bitch, I'm barely holding it together with my weekly 40 hours, and I'm expected to work every Thanksgiving and Christmas but that's just not enough. Nothing I do is enough. And now I don't even have enough energy for the few things I have that I still enjoy. Want to know why my Sims story is on hiatus? Because I have to force myself to do literally anything other than sleep. My house looks like a disgusting hoarder's nest because I can barely move on my days off. I cry all the time. I can't stand to be touched. I shower excessively because I feel filthy when I come home from work in a way I can't adequately articulate. My eczema is so bad that my neck and face are literally covered in bloody red rashes. I look horrible. I feel worse. I have gained over 150 lbs since starting that job in 2006. My thyroid is busted. Some days, I truly believe that I died long ago and this is my own personal Hell.

Now they're telling us that "we definitely have a buyer for the department and all the contracts have been signed". They said there'd be a transition period, after which we'd be laid off but we'd be told when the transition period begins. Now, we got an email telling us we're halfway through the transition period and are probably getting laid off in August "but we don't know when in August, so stay tuned." At this rate, I'm likely to show up one day and be told to go home. I have no idea when that will be and I have no way to know how to prepare.

The only reason I'm still putting up with this bullshit is because...well, to be honest, I've put in a lot of applications and got absolutely no replies. I'm an unemployable useless sack of shit. My company is at least giving us a really good severance package. I'm getting 17 weeks of pay (one week for every year I've worked there) plus another four weeks of pay, plus a $1000 bonus for staying through the transition period. I think I will also qualify for unemployment. I'm trying not to freak out but I don't know what I'm going to do when my severance runs out. I have only had two jobs in my entire life: a grocery store job when I was a teenager for 3 years and this job that I've had for nearly 18 years. My resumé is one page. I have no skills outside of this job. I'm never going to get hired anywhere that's going to pay me anywhere near what this hellhole of a job paid me.

I truly wish I were brave enough to kill myself but I'm not. I keep living and it keeps getting worse and I'm bombarded with hundreds of news articles and Tumblr posts every day telling me how the world is falling apart around me, so even if by some miracle I manage to find a job that pays me enough to fucking live, I don't have a future anyway. I'm almost 40 and I keep waiting for my life to begin but it never does. And it never will. I will never be happy. I will never be safe. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve safety. My own fucking parents hated me from the moment my mom read the lines on her pregnancy test. If my own parents can't love me, nobody can. I'm on medication and in therapy but sometimes, I wonder if it's doing anything at all. You can't fix what's wrong with me. I was just born wrong. And no matter where I go or what kind of job I end up in, the same shit will just keep repeating over and over and over because that's all I deserve. I'll just keep on hurting until global warming or war takes me out and I end up in real Hell.

In an hour, I'm going to regret writing any of this and probably delete this post. Because I'm supposed to take it and not say anything.

My Sims are the only thing that gives me any comfort anymore. Even then, I don't have the energy or attention span to do the things I want. I'm just as irrelevant on Simblr as I am in real life. If I disappeared tomorrow, nobody would notice.

[anti-rq-gumi]

Hi. Ex-radqueer again. Sorry if I keep bothering you. I’m struggling understanding why transautistic and similar terms are wrong.

I’m autistic. I’ve been diagnosed since age 5. I’m very visibly autistic in interactions with me, and as a result I have been ostracized my entire life. I have no friends, currently. I have only ever been asked out as a prank. I have never seen anyone “admire” my autism or see it as something to emulate. Until transautistics.

Radqueers told me that I should see transautistic people as a compliment. The idea that they wanted to be me. That they wanted to develop the traits that have haunted me my whole life. Without transautistics, I really am undesirable in all the world. My autistic traits are unwanted things.

I’m kind of struggling right now.

Hi again! You're not bothering me at all, don't worry!

Like you, I was suspected to be autistic since I was very young, though I didn't receive an actual diagnosis until much later at 17. While I accepted it I found it hard to think of in a positive light due to internalized ableism from my own experiences. More exposure to autistic people on the internet talking about it with pride was what helped me think of it differently.

Have you heard of the site Embrace Autism? It's full of resources for autistic and other neurodivergent people compiled by professionals who are neurodivergent themselves! It's an absolutely amazing read not only for autistic people but for those who suspect they might have autism and allies looking to support the community.

With that out of the way, I'll talk about the transautistic label a little bit. Wanting to be autistic is not a bad thing. It's more of a neutral one. Whether or not transautistic people are ableist depends on how they choose to deal with their feelings.

If a transautistic person is autistic, and uses the label to describe how they want to unmask more and become more comfortable presenting as autistic around people, then that's great! They'll be fully accepted into the autistic community.

If a transautistic person feels like they are autistic, but don't know for sure if they meet its diagnostic criteria, they should do more research into the different ways autism can present and whether or not that applies to them. Informed self diagnosis is incredibly valid.

If a transautistic person is allistic, wants to have autism and doesn't intend to do anything about this besides simply researching what autism is like and supporting autistic people, then that's fine. I understand atypical dysphoria exists.

If a transautistic person is allistic, and wants to fake autism, that's... not okay. They more often than not will know about autistic stereotypes rather than symptoms. The consequences of their faking will be negative not only to themselves, but also to everyone around them's perception of autism.

If a transautistic person wants to 'transition to having autism' they need to be told they cannot do this. Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that manifests as a difference in brain structure from birth. It is impossible for an allistic person to become autistic or vice versa. Attempts to do so only traumatize the individual in question. Suggesting anything to the contrary is extremely ableist.

Some radqueers claim that all transautistics belong in autistic spaces, which is just kind of inherently not true. Autistic people belong in autistic spaces. Transautistic autistics are accepted, and transautistic allistics are expected to be respectful of a group they don't belong to.

All in all, there is pride to be found in being autistic! You aren't undesirable or unwanted for having that disorder. Many autistic people live happy and fulfilling lives. Using the transautistic label to express autistic pride is completely fine with me, and what I truly take issue with is allistic people using it as an excuse for ableism.

(Edit: Some mentions of the word ‘neurotypical’ I’ve corrected to ‘allistic’.)

[50calmadeuce]

Ch. 11: Texas Now

Warning: Mention of miscarriage. Some chapters have sex.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Top Gun: Maverick world, trademarked by Paramount Pictures Corporation. I do not claim ownership of the characters and the world that I am borrowing.

The story and situation I am creating are a work of my imagination and I do not ascribe them to official story canon. This work is for entertainment only and is not a part of the storyline.

I am not profiting financially from the creation and publication of this story, but I do hope it gives you happy thoughts.

These stories are my own, so please do not take them and use them for yourself without my permission. If you see them somewhere else, please let me know. :)

Caught in the transition from the memory to the present, you blinked, refocusing on Jake's expectant gaze. The shift from recollection to reality brought a renewed sense of clarity, along with the weight of the unresolved tension hanging between you.

"Well?" Jake repeated, his voice pressing for a response, a mix of concern and impatience lacing his words.

"You'll be given as much explanation as you provided when you left," you stated, starting to turn on your heel toward the bedroom, when Jake seized your arm.

You turned your head back and looked at him. "Let go of me, Jake," you demanded and headed towards his bedroom. Jake following close behind and he closed the door behind you.

"Darlin', I'm sorry. I don't know how many times I can say it," he said.

You faced him, tears brimming in your eyes. "As many damn times as I need to hear it! You walked away from me, Jake! You might have needed to prove something to those above, but down here," you gestured emphatically towards the floor, "I had to prove myself!"

He stared at you, at a loss for words.

Frustrated, you threw your hands in the air. "And then you return, behaving as if just sleeping with me again would mend everything. Listen here, pal, those four years were lengthy for me as well, and it's not like I was without options."

"Well, I wasn't exactly lacking attention from women either," he retorted, the sting of the situation finally dawning on him.

Your gaze fixed on him, tears of anger streaming down your face. "So what?"

He met your eyes, a heavy silence filling the space between you. "I was married. That's what. I didn't even tell my closest friend. Imagine his surprise when I mentioned I was heading back home to Wisconsin as a married man."

The revelation hung in the air, thick with emotions and unsaid thoughts. You could see the mix of pride, vulnerability, and a hint of defiance in his posture as he shared this piece of his life with you. It was a side of him that few got to see—the side that made life-altering decisions based on what he felt in his heart, regardless of the consequences or the opinions of others.

"Jake, that's... that's huge," you finally managed, your voice soft, reflecting the complexity of your feelings. "Why didn't you tell anyone? Were you afraid of their reactions?"

He let out a long sigh, running a hand through his hair. "I guess I was. It wasn't just about their reactions, though. It was about making something in my life purely mine, ours, without the world weighing in on it before we even had a chance to live it. What about you?"

"A month later, I removed my wedding band. The people close to me were aware of my circumstances. Then, I met someone who didn't seem to mind at all."

As you perched on the edge of the bed, arms wrapped around yourself, confusion clouded Jake's face.

"Doctor Dorian Stryker," you disclosed. "He approached me while I was in Wyoming, working. He admired my genetic research on cattle and suggested we co-author a book about it. Naturally, I agreed. Why wouldn't I?"

Jake moved closer and settled on the edge of the bed beside you.

"The research and the study went really well. He inquired about me, about my life." You turned to Jake. "I told him I was married to a fighter pilot who was currently deployed. He mentioned that he was the child of parents who served, so he understood what that was like." You inhaled deeply. "Then, there was a fair. That's where I met Chuck. I observed people dancing, having fun. I saw couples holding each other close and I wondered if that's what you still wanted." Tears began to well up in your eyes once more. "Dorian noticed me and asked if I'd like to dance. I agreed. We stepped onto the dance floor, and he pulled me close. I closed my eyes, Jake, and it was you I imagined holding me. Before I knew it, his lips found mine. When I opened my eyes and realized it wasn't you, I pushed him away. Just then, Chuck saw us and called out my name. I ran to him and ended up going to the hotel alone that night. I didn't encounter Dorian again until I returned to Texas. Our work was well-received by the professors, leading to its publication. Dorian attempted to reach out to me, but I refused to engage with him. By then, the house was finished, so I went back to Wisconsin, reached out to a local veterinarian and got hired, and focused on turning our house into a home, harboring the wish every day that you would return." Tears quietly traced down your cheeks. "I felt like I had made a mistake by pursuing my dream, just as you chased yours."

Jake reached out, drawing you into his embrace as you began to sob uncontrollably. "Oh, darlin'. No, you didn't do anything wrong."

"I needed you, Jake, and you weren't there," you mumbled into his chest as you continued to cry.

"I know. I suppose I won't be winning any 'Best Husband of the Year' awards, but I'm here now."

You sat up to face him directly. "Are you really?" The sound of your phone caught your attention. You picked it up and glanced at the screen, reading the incoming text message. "It's Dr. Colson. He wants to meet," you said, standing up. "I need to clean up and head out." With those words, you made your way to the bathroom, leaving Jake seated on the edge of the bed, absorbed in thought.

You maneuvered the red F-150 into a spot in the guest parking nearest to the Agricultural and Life Sciences building. After freshening up, you had opted for a new pair of jeans, a tan tank top beneath a brown and tan lightweight plaid shirt, and finished the look with brown cowboy boots and a distressed brown baseball cap, your brown hair in a ponytail.

Exiting the truck, you made your way to the building's entrance, pushed open the door, and walked towards Dr. Colson's office. Finding his door ajar, you knocked.

"Come in," came the reply from inside.

You entered and halted in your tracks at the sight of a dark-haired individual seated in front of Dr. Colson's desk. Dr. Colson rose to his feet. "Y/N! We were just discussing you!"

The figure in the chair stood and faced you. It was Dorian.

Dr. Colson came over, and the two of you embraced. "You remember Dr. Stryker, right?"

Dorian gave you a nod, and you managed a smile. "Of course."

"Please, take a seat," Dr. Colson urged, indicating the chair beside Dorian.

With cautious steps, you moved to the chair and sat, feeling Dorian's gaze follow you closely.

Once seated, Dr. Colson resumed his place behind the desk. "We were discussing the upcoming conference this weekend. Dorian proposed that we include you in his genetics lecture."

You offered a smile. "I'd be happy to. I'll just need to organize my notes tonight. This was quite the surprise."

"We wouldn't want to impose if it feels like too much," Dorian added.

Turning towards him, you replied, "No, it's not any pressure at all."

"It should be manageable. We're primarily covering material from the book," he replied, his crystal blue eyes meeting yours.

"In that case, I should be just fine," you said, reassured by the familiar content.

"Then it's settled!" Dr. Colson declared with enthusiasm, handing over two passes to you. "These are for you and your husband. I presume he'll be attending?"

With a smile, you responded, "Yes, he will be."

Dr. Colson extended two tickets towards you. "These are for the reception on Saturday night. I'm eager to meet your husband."

Gratefully, you accepted the tickets. "Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow."

Standing up, you quickly made your way out the door.

As you stepped out of the Agriculture and Science building and neared your truck, a familiar voice calling your name halted your steps.

Turning around, you recognized Dorian approaching you. His six-foot-two frame was clad in jeans, a polo shirt, and tennis shoes, his midnight black hair combed to such perfection that not a single strand was out of place.

When he reached you, he observed, "You're quick."

"I have some preparations for this weekend, Dorian. What's up?" you asked, slightly rushed.

His piercing blue eyes scanned you briefly. "It's nice to see you again, Y/N."

"Likewise, Dorian. Was there something you needed?"

He passed a hand through his hair, a gesture of hesitation or perhaps unease. "I wanted to… apologize for last time…"

"It's fine. I've moved past it," you reassured him quickly.

"Are you and your husband back together then?"

"We never really parted, aside from his deployment."

"That's not what I heard," he countered, a hint of doubt in his tone.

"You shouldn't always listen to what people say," you replied, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. "Look, I really need to go." Turning, you began to walk toward your truck, eager to leave the conversation behind.

"I never stopped thinking about you, Y/N," he suddenly blurted out, causing you to pause momentarily.

You spun back to face him, your expression firm. "Well, I never spent my time thinking about you. Goodbye, Dorian." With those final words, you turned again and continued on your way to the truck, leaving the conversation—and Dorian—behind.

You pulled the truck to a stop outside the garage at your in-laws' house, reached over to grab the garment bag holding your dress for the next evening, and then stepped out of the truck.

As you stepped inside the house, Cindy was there to greet you warmly. "Oh, Y/N! There's something wrong with one of the horses. I need you to take a look. Here, let me take your garment bag and hang it up for you," she offered, reaching for the bag you carried. "I was about to call the local vet, but since you're here, I thought maybe…"

You offered her a reassuring smile. "It's okay. I'll check on him."

"He's in the back ring," she informed you, indicating where you needed to go.

"Okay." You walked back out the door and headed towards behind the barn.

As you made your way around the building, your gaze lifted to find Jake perched atop his chestnut mare.

Pausing, you took in the sight of Jake. He was dressed in a white tank top beneath a red and white plaid lightweight short-sleeved shirt, paired with blue jeans. His look was completed with black cowboy boots and a tan cowboy hat resting atop his head.

"So, was the hurt horse your idea?" you inquired.

"Yes, Ma'am," he responded with a nod, then extended his hand towards you after sliding back slightly on the saddle.

You let out a sigh, torn between the need to prepare your notes for this weekends presentation and acknowledging Jake's effort to reach out. Deciding to give this moment a chance, you stepped closer and placed your hand in his. With careful movements, you positioned your foot into the stirrup and hoisted yourself up into the saddle, settling in front of Jake.

With a gentle noise from Jake, the horse began to amble forward.

"Where are we headed?" you inquired, curious about his intentions.

"It's a surprise," he responded, his voice carrying the thick Texas accent that always seemed to deepen when he returned home.

You leaned back, finding comfort in the warmth of his chest as the horse meandered slowly through the open field.

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