#WHOOPS there it is

[tirsden]

Oh. Right.

Me before the 2024 US election: Why is it so hard to make friends that aren't just raging narcissists hiding behind the guise of being nice until they've wormed their way into my life and caused damage?

Me after the 2024 US election: ...yeah, that makes sense now.

[aerodaltonimperial]

Prompt - "I haven't exactly done this before."

(ANON I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE HERE FOR BUT I HOPE IT WAS THIS AND ALSO I HOPE YOU AREN'T TAZ, LMAO; nsfw, under the cut)

Hook's hands still after he slides down, knees hitting the carpet. His fingers tremble ever so slightly along Danhausen's waist, a whisper along the bare skin there. His eyes flicker up, half-hidden beneath the tangles of his hair, and oh, if that isn't enough to curl Danhausen's toes in his boots. He can't believe he's been given this, honestly; can't believe that he was chosen to end up here, on the receiving end of such a gift.

"What is it?" Danhausen asks, a little out of breath; he cords his hands through Hook's unruly strands in a move that he hopes is allowed, hopes is acceptable. He wants to touch Hook. He wants to feel him.

Hook's mouth quirks to the side when he huffs out a self-conscious laugh. "I, uh, haven't exactly done this before."

That stills Danhausen's hands from their ministrations. He freezes. "What?"

"Um." Hook runs his tongue over his lip, red and swollen from Danhausen's attentions earlier. Hook had tasted like salt, tiny remnants that burst along Danhausen's tongue from the fries they'd shared. "Is that...is that okay?"

"Hook doesn't have to," Danhausen tries, thoughts racing to catch up. "Danhausen doesn't—"

"No, I want to," Hook says. His grip on Danhausen's hips tightens. He's nervous; he doesn't have a lot of tells, but Danhausen has started to pick them out, notice the way they slink onto his motions. He rarely sees Hook nervous. To think he is the reason for the emotion breaking free and rattling in Hook's limbs is, frankly, overwhelming.

"I want to," Hook repeats, softer. Almost a whisper, almost reverent; Danhausen is struck all over again: why me? Of all people to choose, of all the possibilities, and Danhausen is the one here with him, looking down at how blown his pupils are, how wet his lips are, how eager his eyes are shining. Maybe Danhausen will never get quite this lucky again. Maybe this is the peak, the high he'll end up chasing the rest of his life.

Hook keeps their gazes locked, a dusting of pink along his cheeks. He slides his tongue out across his lip, dipping into the corner, and Danhausen tracks the movements unconscious, abdomen clenching. "Just, uh, give me some direction?"

"Okay," Danhausen promises. His hands are already fisted in Hook's hair: that will serve.

Hook smiles, languid and sharp and excited, hovering at the edge of the same anticipation. And then he leans in, brushing his mouth to the tip of Danhausen's cock enough to drag a groan out of Danhausen's throat, teasing with his tongue in slow circles, experimental, learning the lay of the land. It never even matters that he ends up almost gagging himself a few times, that he has to pull off a few times to cork his jaw around to avoiding locking it, that he chokes when Danhausen comes because he wasn't entirely ready for it—it's the best head Danhausen has ever gotten in his life.

And Danhausen pays it back in spades once he's come back down, gets Hook's heels kicking against the sheets of the hotel mattress, wrenches delicious moans out of Hook's lungs and swallows him down into the same hazy, giddy release, marveling the entire time that he's been chosen to be the one to know the keening whines and the needy hands and the stuttering muscles when there are so many others who would kill for the same opportunity.

[mxbbadperson]

...i binged zero-one so i only remember bits of it. but i still feel that it's better than geats

[crunchynoodle]

For those in the back:

If a person’s quest to stay morally pure makes them stand aside when an imperfect movement trying to do good needs them, they are no longer morally pure. They are directly helping evil with their inaction.

With so many elections coming up worldwide it's probably a good time to remind everyone that tumblr once got infested with agents trying to convince everyone not to vote, or not to vote left because the candidates weren't morally pure enough.

Also a reminder that they were better at tumblr than most of us, comrade interloper was great at memeing. Like, the talent!

Anyway don't fall for it. There is no morally pure option.

[lazylittledragon]

some domestic shadowlachs <33

[onefey]

you're going about your normal day when, suddenly, surprise! you've been pokémon mystery dungeon'd!

unfortunately, due to budget cuts, the pokémon assigning quiz has been canceled. instead, you must spin THE WHEEL, assigning you a random, unevolved, non-legendary and non-mythical pokémon. you must now go on some sort of world-saving adventure as this pokémon. good luck!

tell me in the tags what you rolled, and how you feel about it - for bonus points, you can spin the wheel again for (or just take your pick of) a pokémon to be your partner.

bonus rules:

you're not shiny unless the wheel tells you you're shiny

take your pick of regional forms and evolutions (for example, if you roll vulpix, it's up to you whether that means normal or alolan vulpix)

apply whatever logic you like with regards to gender

have fun and be yourself!

[mroddmod]

they are like puppies. 2 me

[crunchynoodle]

The system depends on making sure that there’s always a supply of poor people to exploit.

That's what always happens in capitalist societies. They say that if you don't want to be poor, there's a certain thing you have to do. But then everyone does it, so it's no longer effective. The system depends on making sure that there's always a supply of poor people to exploit.

[phemiec]

love the colours used in this game so here you go 🐴🚀🪓 enjoy

[shrugsinchinese]

Happy Superman trailer day!!!!! July can’t arrive fast enough

[cptncassianjandor]

I wish I could go back to that night at 2am and relive it, detached and just enjoy the moment.

[tyrannosarahsrex8]

Welcome to the “whoops! I accidentally started got manipulated into starting the apocalypse!” Club. Members being Jonathan Sims and Mable Pines. They’re both ✨traumatised✨

Bonus comic

[bbbbbbbbatman]

Bruce keeping a tighter and tighter lid on his identity around the Justice League because with each new person to reveal their identity he realizes that he has fucked far too high a percentage of his co workers as Bruce Wayne and he has to take this secret to his grave

[s0up1ta]

"so grunkle ford how do you know bill?"

"... that's not important."

[teaboot]

Shoutout to the guy with the white cane at the emergency access door who heard me say "hello sir" and just dropped his head, sighed, and went "this isn't the entrance, is it." Either you're going thru some shit or you're a very funny criminal doing his best and I appreciate that

[such-a-daydreamer]

Based off of this tweet

Frankenstan ghost au by @trekkerac