#WHEE I SPENT TWO HOURS ON THIS

[azems-familiar]

for this journey's end is but one step forward to tomorrow

Farewell, Endwalker.

[vax-merstappen]

F1 boys on a date with you <3

these posts are so long to scroll past so i added a keep reading line just for convenience, hope you don't mind

Lando Norris

Lando was thrilled when he discovered you liked gaming as much as he did. An ideal date night for the both of you was spent playing games together for most of the night. You both get competitive when it comes to games so every time you beat him at Mario Kart, you love to brag about it. That usually ends in him holding you and tickling you and eventually you both kissing and snuggling.

Oscar Piastri

Oscar, being an introvert, would love to spend a cozy and private night in with you. He would love to snuggle up in a blanket with you and watch one of your favorite movies together. Some drinks and takeout food would complete the night and you two would stay cozy together until you inevitably fall asleep holding each other in the early hours in the morning.

Max Verstappen

Max loves to spoil you and take you shopping, even though you insist that you can buy things yourself. He loves to see your excitement when you enter your favorite stores and just wants to make his girl happy by treating her to something he knows she will love. At the end of the day, you treat Max to a fashion show of all the clothes you picked out and Max can’t keep his eyes off his beautiful girlfriend and how radiant you look.

Charles Leclerc

Nothing says Charles like a date on his boat in Monaco. He takes such pride in his country and would want to show you the most beautiful views of the city from the perfect vantage point of the sea. He would make sure every detail of your boating day was planned and perfect. You would stay together on the sea until the sun went down and you could stargaze while laying on the boat’s deck.

Carlos Sainz

Carlos likes the focus to be on you during dates, as it is not often you two get to spend a lot of time together. He prefers to keep dates simple so he can keep his attention on you and really connect with each other. A coffee shop date would be a perfect time for you and Carlos to really connect and share your love for each other. It would be super cute and you would beg Carlos to come back to the shop again the next day.

Lewis Hamilton

He would want nothing but the best for the two of you and would splurge to get you both a private table at a fancy vegan restaurant in the city. You would have great and meaningful conversations over delicious food and drinks. Lewis would make it a night to remember and you would have a romantic walk around the city at night after you had finished your meal.

Daniel Ricciardo

Danny is a very adventurous person and always loves taking you to new and exciting places. You would go on a hike date together to spend some quality time in nature. Daniel and you would laugh and have fun making your way down the trail and would enjoy each other’s company to the fullest. At the end, a scenic sunset picnic would finish off the night and you and Daniel would have memories for life.

Yuki Tsunoda

Yuki is as passionate about food as he is about spending time with you. He would take you on a tour of his favorite restaurants around the city and show you where to find all of the best sushi. You would stay out together long into the night, savoring each other as well as the flavors. Finally, Yuki would take you to the top of one of the buildings with the best views and you would share a romantic moment high above the rest of the city.

Alex Albon

There is nothing you and Alex like more than spending a day together at the beach. There would of course be moments spent together on the shore, sipping drinks or spent watching the sunset at the end of the day. The most fun, however, would be swimming in the water together, having splash fights and being goofy together in the sea.

Logan Sargeant

You and Logan had been reminiscing about going to the fair as a child, so how perfect would it be to take a trip together? Logan and you spent time together on the Ferris Wheel along with the Tilt a Whirl, laughing when you were dizzy getting off of the ride. The night would finish with a funnel cake and both of you trying your best to win one of the giant stuffed animals from a game that both of you were pretty sure was rigged against you.

[000yul]

a friend asked for a quick and dirty TL of the new lunar new year official manhua oneshot (Let's Share a Meal Together) so i Tried★ it's a treat!! perfect for the new year

i forget how the siblings address each other in the official TL so i'm winging it here oops .: The movie has concluded, please leave in an orderly fashion. N: Ooh~ These two hours were well-spent. Even if they can't compare to me, this director's pretty promising. N: Hey! Watch where you're going! .: S-sorry…

N: Really now. … N: Feels like Lungmen's been more crowded than usual recently… N: Right! N: It's that time of year again.

(cover) Siblings though they may be, their tastes have nothing in common.

N: So… N: I'm thinking we should have a family dinner for New Year's Eve. CY: I don't know where you got this idea, CY: but that's fine by me.

CY: I don't think you'll find the others as easy to convince though. CY: Ling's such a free spirit you might find it hard to see her in time, let alone Dusk. CY: You don't get along with Dusk. Didn't you guys get into a fight over the bowl of noodles you cooked for her before? N: Bro, aren't you tired? (I know I am, just from watching…) CY: If you persevere every day, you wouldn't tire from something like this. CY: Nian, you should also exercise. Then in daily life, you'll… N: When it comes to martial arts, I'm pretty sure you have everyone in Great Yan beat. CY: Haha, you speak too highly. Even if that were true, if I let my guard down, in forty years there might be someone who can defeat me. N: It's just forty years. With a mortal lifespan, how many people are going to be able to match your years of practice?

CY: It's precisely because their lives are so short compared to ours CY: that the rate of their progress is beyond our imagination. CY: That's why I believe it's all the more important for us to spend time bettering ourselves. CY: Nian, if you feel like you have too much free time, how about I draw you up a training regimen… N: Wow, look at the time, I'm going to miss the next bus. N: I've rented a place in Lungmen, the address is as I said, don't be late, byee! CY: Sigh… This child is as impatient as ever…

Shangshu City N: Well, I've reached this pavilion… N: Why do all these peaks look the same… (bottle of booze) N: … N: She's not taking the bait, is she… N: (Last time Ling showed up for Second Brother's cup…) N: (I guess this doesn't compare…)

N: Open sesame, spin the bottle, whee! L: (I really don't want to show myself.) N: BOSS! GET OUT HERE, I WANT A REFUND! .: Ah…? N: YOU TOLD ME THIS WAS SO GOOD IT COULD TEMPT AN IMMORTAL TO DESCEND! N: THIS USELESS-ASS—

N: piece of… N: When did you get here? L: I've been sitting here for a while now. N: How did you know I'd be here today? L: It came to me in a dream, let's say. N: (here's a souvenir cup I got you.)

L: So what winds called you here from far away? L … I see, so you wanted to call us together for New Year's Eve dinner. L: I'm not against this on principle, but I'm afraid I can't make it that day. N: Why? L: A prior appointment.

L: Ten years ago I asked someone to brew some wine for me, and I'm due to pick it up this year, on the 30th. L: The flavour won't be right if I'm even a day early, L: and after the 30th, they're going to close for the New Year. L: It's true that this time is a big occasion for the people of Great Yan. It's a once-a-year occasion, after all. L: But that has nothing to do with us. L: Let's do it another day. N: You'll regret not having a taste of my homemade hotpot!! L: (Does she think that's a selling point…) L: It looks like little sister Dusk has a storm coming her way…

D: Who goes there? D: NIAN! IF YOU WANT TO DIE I CAN OBLIGE!!

D: You vandalised my art for THIS? N: Wow, the face you're making is ugly as hell. D: I'm not going. D: I can't believe you ever thought me saying yes was a possibility. N: You'll regret not having a taste of my homemade hotpot!! D: Do you think that's a selling point!? N: Oh, right! There's a hot new artist's exhibition in Lungmen. I went to see it and it's pretty good! Aren't you interested? D: If you like it, I definitely won't!

D: I have no interest in the artwork of others. D: Also, if you want a reunion so badly, D: one day we'll all reunite no matter how we feel about it. No? N: Again with that tired old crap.

N: One day, N: I'll make it so that you never say that again. D: Hmph. D: Get lost.

N: Oh man, in the end only you showed up. CY: Haha, well, I hope I suffice. CY: I sent word to the Sui Regulator. N: Ah! CY: I knew it'd slip your mind. N: Man! None of them can commit worth a damn!

N: Will there ever be a time where we can just go somewhere together for a day? N: Like normal people, N: Like a normal family.

L: Ahh~ L: Looks like I'm out of wine L: I should seek out more… D: What a pain. D: I should knock some sense into her.

CY: Nian, CY: Let's get a hotpot with a divider. For spicy and non-spicy. N: Were you even listening? N: No. N: Absolutely not. N: Nooooooooo.

N: Bro! I thought you could handle spice! CY: Alright, now that the shopping is wrapped up, let's head back. N: Why'd you insist on the split hotpot..! N: Brother!! CY: I just think being prepared is a good thing. (Also, I'm not as good with spice as you are.) CY: And, CY: It's not just humans who are capable of change. D: Open up, it's too cold out. D: Idiot. CY: See.

D: What? Your staring is making me lose my appetite. N: Hehe, N: Doesn't the real thing taste better than ink? D: Hmph. Whatever. N: Whoa, it started!

N: I was part of the prep for this year's fireworks show in Lungmen! N: Check out my Super Deluxe Two-Step Firecracker! D: So.. the reason you picked Lungmen was…? L: Alright, alright. L: Dusk, L: It's okay. Open your eyes and see.

N?: It's over. N: It'd be nice if more of us showed up next year. CY: Any more of us and the Sui Regulator is going to start raising a fuss. L: True~ D: I'll skip next time. N: We had such a nice mood going on, couldn't you guys at least try to not kill it? L: Yes, this is nice once in a while.

D: There's nothing special about playing house. CY: Even playing house is nice sometimes. CY: That's why we've gathered here today. CY: Happy new year. L: Happy new year~ N: Happy new year! D: … Happy new year.

N: Alright, we've mostly cleaned our plates and eaten and drunk our fill. N: That leaves one last question. N: Who's doing the dishes? N: Hey, now you're all quiet? N: Hey!!

[sjofn-lofnsdottr]

8: Top 5 Songs (good luck)

It's the hardest one, whee! I could do a top 5 for basically any category you care to name (top five dungeon themes, top five city-state themes, top five boss themes, etc). I'm gonna do some snap judgments, but I suspect the thing that's going to bring them to mind ahead of things that I might prefer strictly on their musical merits is the context in which they were used. Which means there is some major recency bias going on here, I do not apologize for that. These are also in no particular order.

#1: With Hearts Aligned

Listen, I am a french horn player. So when I'm a tank main who just got to do her favorite thing, a tank LB3, and I'm now at the emotional climax of a fight, which is at the emotional climax of the expansion, which is at the emotional climax of the entire fuckin' game I've been playing for years, and I hear french horns kicking in with the theme that's always used to represent us, I'm going to love it forever and ever and ever.

(I have joked that Endwalker was designed for me, specifically, and shit like that is why.)

#2: Who Brings Shadow

No, not Shadowbringers itself (although I love that too, obviously). I picked this version specifically because the point it kicks in, during the MSQ, is fucking perfect. It might be the most perfect music cue in the game.

#3: Mortal Instants

I'm making myself only use two ShB songs, and this is my second one. Everyone else in the world would pick To the Edge, and they should, but I decided to pick a track I don't see people appreciate very often. I love how melancholy it is, and it fits what's happening - a story being told by a survivor trying to get you to understand the scale and horror of the loss - just about perfectly. And the other time it's used, it's a similar situation, someone trying to explain their pain and loss to you.

#4: Nobility Sleeps

This is totally a nostalgia pick for me. I have spent so many hours in Ishgard. So, so many hours. All of its themes have drilled their way very, very deep into my brain. But this one in particular will, when I am 85 years old, still take me back there instantly when I hear it.

#5: Dynamis

I have a love-hate relationship with this song. It's very pretty. But it makes me tear up virtually every fucking time it's used, and that is rude.

Thank you for the ask! This was hard for sure. And now I'm going to hit post before I second guess myself into an entirely different set of answers!

[this-is-spn20]

Day 9 of Christmas: Sing Christmas Carols

You’d always had a special relationship with music. As did everyone at least. Or at least mostly everyone. There were people who appreciated music but didn’t listen to it. You’re a little ashamed to say you have judged these people. How would anyone get through everyday life without music? But you’ve learned to accept these types of people. Some things just aren’t for everyone and that was fine with you. But for you, music was more than a part of your everyday life. You’d even go as far as to say that you “spoke music”. You spoke through music. You’d always had a way with words, but sometimes the right words for the right emotions escaped you. And artists from all different genres spoke for you. And you were grateful for them. Without music, you didn’t even want to imagine where you’d be.

You were pleasantly surprised when you looked at your calendar and saw you were nine days into your little event. Honestly, you had trouble most time keeping up with things like this. You were surprised you’d made it this far! I guess you had a good motivator! You want the boys to have the best Christmas they’ve ever had! You would stop at nothing to make sure they had fun. You were happy with the current arrangement. One activity a day. Just one. Again, the boys were surprised and happy that you didn’t just dump any and everything Christmas on them and all around the bunker. They wouldn’t be able to truly enjoy themselves then. They would’ve been too shocked to process it. Today you’d make good on your promise of one thing a day.

You would be doing something simple. Singing Christmas Carols! Now you knew the boys couldn’t sing to save their lives as they demonstrated over and over again. But you secretly knew Sam could in fact at least carry a tune! You chuckled to yourself as you thought of the time they’d told you about the “Evil Santa” case in 04. You continued working on the boys’ presents. Or at least one of them. You’d all agreed on five presents. You weren’t exactly a huge family. But five presents from each person would be more than enough. You spoke into your microphone clearly and you were surprised at your precision. As you clicked end, you sat back and smiled softly to yourself. The boys would love it. You started working on your other projects and lowly sang a Christmas song to yourself.

Here comes Suzy Snowflake

Dressed in a snow-white gown

Tap, tap, tappin' at your windowpane

To tell you she's in town

Here comes Suzy Snowflake

Soon you will hear her say

Come out ev'ryone and play with me

I haven't long to stay

You’d always loved old music so you weren’t surprised when your brain went to autopilot and choose a little favorite of yours. Dean had said he needed some time to himself and that he would take a few hour's drive. You were a little worried but he seemed in a peppy mood so you figured he was going to the nearby bar for some “holiday cookies”. Your fingers were getting cramped and your back was starting to hurt so you decided to head to the kitchen for a snack. You sang a bit more to yourself.

If you want to make a snowman

I'll help you make one, one, two, three

If you want to take a sleigh ride

Whee! The ride's on me

Here comes Suzy Snowflake

Look at her tumblin' down

Bringing joy to ev'ry girl and boy

Suzy's come to town

Here comes Suzy Snowflake

Dressed in a snow-white gown

Tap, tap, tappin' at your windowpane

To tell you she's in town

Here comes Suzy Snowflake

Soon you will hear her say

Come out ev'ryone and play with me

I haven't long to stay

If you want to make a snowman

I'll help you make one, one, two, three

If you want to take a sleigh ride

Whee! The ride's on me

Here comes Suzy Snowflake

Look at her tumblin' down

Bringing joy to ev'ry girl and boy

Suzy's come to town

No one could hear you so you were fine with it. You figured Sam was in the library reading his book he’d been raving about earlier. You agreed to swap books since you’d spent a good 30 minutes ranting about your book. Fair exchange. You’d reached the kitchen by the end of your song. 

Surprised to see Sam there you’d asked if Dean was back. Confirming that Dean was in fact back, you’d told Sam to Pick a Christmas Carol and sing it. You told him it could be any song and said he didn’t have to do it in front of anyone. Just sing one song and his “chore” for the day would be done! 

You were on your way to finding Dean to tell him the same. You were just about to give up and go back to your room when you ran into him in the hall. You let out an involuntary yelp when you saw him speed out from the corner. He chuckled and told you to keep your guard up. Then you wouldn’t have been scared. You playfully punched him in the shoulder and went on to tell him the same thing you’d told Sam. When Dean told you he only knew the one Christmas Carol he sang (horribly) with Sam 13 years ago. You gave him a few songs and sent him on his way. 

You’d been in your room working for a while now when you heard a voice from the right side of your room. That was Sam’s room. Your smile got even bigger when you realized he was singing. 

Sam’s singing voice gave you butterflies. His voice was so soft and smooth. He could sing anyone to sleep if he wasn’t so shy. 

Oh well, you’d be secretly sung to sleep feeling content. Your personal Sandman singing you off to a faraway land, feeling happy and safe. 

[luminnara]

The Dismemberment Song | BOP Victor Zsasz x Reader | 18+

Fandom: Birds of Prey

Words: 3,791

Summary: Zsasz takes a liking to one of the burlesque dancers at Roman’s club.

PART ONE | PART TWO |

WARNINGS: graphic blood/gore/violence, reader may or may not torture and murder a guy, alcohol, all that good Gotham stuff, reader is kinda fucked up

Seriously, don’t read this if you don’t like blood

Based on The Dismemberment Song by Blue Kid! 

This is written as a kinda vague fem!reader, but if there’s interest I can always write alternate versions for different genders, more specific body/personality types, or whatever else might tickle your fancy! Just hit up my ask box!

Requests are open!! Pls, I really wanna write more Zsasz or Zsaszmask x reader, gimme ideas!

The Black Mask was a club that boasted only the best of the best. Top shelf booze, luxurious furnishings, and entertainers that Gotham’s other club owners wished they could get their hands on all came together to form the East End’s trendiest spot. You were lucky enough to be one of those very entertainers, and you had been performing onstage at Roman’s club ever since one of his goons saw you dancing at another spot across town. Roman Sionis had bought you easily, promising a good nightly wage and all the free drinks you could stomach, and a few years later, you were still enjoying the nice gig at the Black Mask. 

Most nights were the same; you showed up around seven, hung around in the dressing room with the others while you all got ready, and enjoyed a drink or two before your first number. You were always in the chorus, not that you really minded--Roman paid you more than enough to keep you happy, even though you knew the stars got more. Girls who did solo numbers, especially if they could sing, those were Mr. Sionis’s favorites. You never really expected to achieve that kind of status, not when people like Dinah Lance were around and holding his attention, so when Roman pulled you aside one night to tell you that he wanted to give you the chance to do your own routine, you nearly dropped your drink. 

“Full creative control,” he said, a hand resting at the small of your back as you gaped at him. 

“I--what?” you managed to choke out. “I-I mean, thank you, Mr. Sionis, really--”

“Please,” he chuckled. “Call me Roman.”

“Thank you, Roman,” you smiled, swallowing down your fear. “I won’t disappoint you, I swear.” 

“I know you won’t, doll.” he motioned for someone to bring him a drink. “Full creative control, like I said. I want to see what’s swirling around in that pretty mind of yours. Put some heart into it for me, k doll?”

You nodded. “You got it, boss.”

He grinned, hugging you to his side and pressing a kiss against your temple like he did with all the girls he liked. “Looking forward to it, beautiful.”

He let you go, turning to leave, and Zsasz slunk after him, but not before casting you an almost annoyed look. 

“Don’t disappoint,” he teased, whistling low before he followed his boss. 

You gulped. You were sure he wouldn’t mind peeling your face off, but you rather preferred staying alive.

“I won’t!” you called after him bravely. 

He glanced at you over his shoulder, his eyes practically boring into you as if were sizing you up. He thought you were just some prissy little girl, didn’t he? Just like Roman, just like everybody else. But you would show them. They wanted to see what kind of shit really ate at your brain? Oh, you’d give them a nice little glimpse.

And so, only a couple shorts weeks later, here you were, getting ready in the dressing room like usual, only you were far more nervous than you had been for any other shift. You had busted your ass getting everything ready, even taking a few nights off to work twice as hard on what you hoped would be a good debut. You had given the band their sheet music, you had learned your lyrics inside and out (because you were absolutely determined to go that extra mile for Roman Sionis and show him that not only could you prance around onstage, but you could sing, too), and you had spent hours upon hours hand-decorating an old corset and lingerie set you had sitting around. Roman wanted this to come from the heart, he wanted a passion project, and you were gonna give it to him. 

You just had to pray that he was in the right mood to enjoy it.

“Think you’re good to go, my love,” the house mom said as she finished with your hair. 

You stared at yourself in the mirror. So far, so good...your hair was in big barrel curls, still warm to the touch as your house mom gave it a couple more passes with the hairspray for good measure. 

“You sure I don’t need--”

“You’re gonna knock ‘em dead,” she interrupted, retreating to her usual chair. 

You kept staring at your reflection. “Do you think it’s too much? I mean...”

She laughed loudly. “Hon, this is Gotham. There’s no such thing as too much.”

Glancing down at your outfit, you weren’t so sure. “But...”

“But nothing. Now go on, go show Roman why he stays in business.”

You stood on shaky legs, nodding to her as you made your way towards the door. “R-right.”

“Break a leg,” she called after you. 

All you could do was nod. You knew what you were doing. You had practiced for hours every day to get ready for this. With a deep breath, you made your way down the hall leading to stage, shaking your hands out as you stood in the wings. You could do this. You were ready.

As soon as your stage name was announced, you stepped out, ruby encrusted heels clicking against the wooden floorboards. The lights were harsh, the crowd quiet as you came out to face them. The stage was set for you, a few props already waiting for you as you stood there, ready for the music to start.

Then, the band began playing, and you sprang into action.

“Hold still, my sweet. I’m tryin to measure the space between your molar and your jaw...” You sang, lunging forward to grab the medical-grade calipers sitting in a metal bucket for you. You trailed them down over your victim’s jaw, smiling as you did so. “...This caliper, no cause for fear. No it...it doesn’t hurt, it only helps me measure how much skin you have...”

Across the club, Zsasz looked up. He was standing near Roman, his boss sitting in a booth while he chatted with some business associates. He was far more interested in you than their conversation, his dark eyes tracking you as you moved across the stage. He was absolutely enthralled by your outfit, your tightly-laced corset covered in blood red rhinestones that glimmered under the stage lights, your matching bra and thong shining just as brightly. You looked like you were covered in blood, the gems catching his eye in a way he hadn’t expected. 

“--and the topmost layer of fat, but I won’t make an incision till you’re nice and numb...” There was an operating table on the stage, where one of Roman’s lowest-ranking goons was tied down. If Zsasz remembered correctly, this guy had fucked up pretty monumentally recently, so seeing him strapped down and struggling brought a grin to his face.

You ran over to the man, the crowd laughing as you leaned across him. “...Oh, and laughing gas can be so much fun, please don’t doubt my decision...”

The scene you had set was both comedic and sexual. In all honesty, Zsasz hadn’t expected you to do anything like this; you were a chorus girl, someone he had thought would go for something overdone and classic. Maybe some old school stupid, annoying, Singin In The Rain type shit, yet there you were, dressed in an outfit that was obviously meant to emulate dripping blood while you flitted around a man on a gurney. 

Zsasz couldn’t look away. 

“This’ll be ooh, this’ll be ahh, this’ll be absolutely whee!” you squealed, teasingly pressing your sawblade to the goon’s torso. “This’ll be nice, this’ll be neat and bring you closer to me...”

You grabbed the goon as he struggled against his restraints, holding him down. Zsasz was sure the man was in on your little number, and he thought it was cute; you were pretending to be some sort of killer, maybe trying to appeal to Roman’s face peely urges. Maybe you were trying to make the boss happy by scaring his lackey like this.

“So don’t you squirm, don't you fret, I'm not gonna hurt you...yet.” You grinned, leaning down before you shoved the man’s face to the side, letting him go as you ran back across the stage. “I just feel the need to be gettin’ a little of you, a lot of blood lettin’, I know the sensation you’re probably dreading...”

You pranced back to the gurney, moving with that little extra theatrical oomph that made everyone think you were just playing. You smiled as they clapped and laughed loudly. They would figure it out soon enough. 

“Cutting you up will be so refreshing for me...” you cooed, discarding the calipers in favor of a scalpel. You traced it down the goon’s bare chest, a little line of blood following the blade as it pierced his flesh. 

He let out a scream, just as you hoped he would, and you gave his little table a shove, sending it wheeling a short distance away. 

“Now don’t you cry,” You sang, “And don’t call Miriam, she’s my alibi...oh let me check your toes out!” You picked up a set of pliers, taking hold of his big toe. “Aren’t your toenails cute?” you grabbed one and pulled, the goon screaming as you removed the nail, leaving a bloody pulp behind. “...and red is such a lovely color on you!” you leaned down in his face, grabbing the opposite foot’s big toenail and yanking. “...But you won’t be needing those!”

Roman began clapping, giving a loud “Whoo!”  as he watched you. He had no idea that when you had asked him for the name of his least favorite henchman, this would be the reason. Now, watching the man suffer onstage in front of everyone while you were dancing around him in six inch heels and a scandalously skimpy outfit, Sionis was more than entertained. He was impressed, absolutely astounding by the cruelty his little burlesque dancer held inside of her. He couldn’t have hoped for more. 

“When you’ve got no knees!” you sang, dropping your weapons in favorite of a crowbar. “...Or shins, or pinky fingers, or arteries....”

You brought your weapon down on each of the man’s legs, somehow still managing to poise yourself perfectly as you did so. You gave him a few good whacks, then dropped the bar, leaning down to pick a knife up out of the bucket and run it over his hands teasingly. 

“...so hold still while I remove them!” you trilled. 

The man tried to sit up, struggling against his restraints, but you shoved him back down with a sweet smile. 

“...Oh, and don’t fight back,” you sang, hopping up to sit next to him. “I think you’ll find you’re missing the point, with that.”

Meanwhile, Victor Zsasz was grinning, showing off his gold teeth while he watched you. He kept a close eye on your hips as they swayed, his trained eyes following your ass as it moved across the stage. Were you really carving a man up right then and there? He wanted it to be true. He wanted to smell the overwhelming tang of blood as you plunged a knife into your victim. But he was too far away, and so he had to settle for watching instead. 

Your victim tried to scream, and you shoved his head to the side playfully. 

“That’s enough outta you!” you sang, holding his jaw tightly.

As you repeated your chorus, your knife returned to the man’s flesh and he grunted in pain, pleading to an audience that didn’t care about him. The Black Mask was a fucked up place for fucked up people, no matter how trendy it was, and nobody in the audience was going to protest when someone was torn apart onstage. Besides, Roman Sionis was far too powerful for the GCPD to go after, and as you heard him laughing loudly in the audience, you had a pretty good feeling that he wasn’t going to send anyone after you for carving somebody up in a way that only you could.

You kept going, peeling your underbust corset off with the same grace and dexterity that Zsasz peeled faces with. As you stood in only your bra, thong, garters and stockings, you felt exhilarated, powerful, as if you had been born to cur people up in front of an audience. 

It’s not like this was your first time chopping a body up, anyways; there was a reason you had to move to Gotham and get a new gig, after all.

Zsasz watched you. In fact, his eyes were glued to you, even when Roman walked away to chat with a few mob bosses in a nearby booth. Were you seriously killing this man right in front of everyone? Victor didn’t necessarily care for all the theatrics, but he could appreciate how seriously you took you took your craft, and he had to admit, he was surprised that this was what you had come up with when Roman told you to give him something good.

“‘Cause I’m all out of hurt, you’ve used up all I’ve got,” you taunted, sneering down at your victim as you brought your saw down on his leg. “So I’m chopping you up and still coming up squat! If I want it to bleed, I’ll just roll up my sleeve and saw and saw and saw...”

The blade cut back and forth, and Zsasz’s eyes followed it. Blood was spurting up, drenching your arms as if you were wearing red opera gloves. 

“And saw, and saw, and saw, and saw....”

“Zsasz, can you believe this?” Roman asked, leaning towards him.

“No, boss,” Zsasz said with a little grin, shaking his head. 

“She’s good. We may have to give her a new job...”

You paused, giving your victim a break as you tossed the saw back into the bucket, drops of blood spattering across the stage as you pulled out a large butcher knife. Before it could touch Roman’s henchman, you used it to flick open the clasp on your bra, tossing the thin little piece of lingerie out into the crowd. You didn’t really care where it went; you were too busy enjoying yourself. 

“This’ll be ooh, this’ll be ahh, this’ll be absolutely whee,” you purred, trailing the blade down the side of the man’s face. “This’ll be nice, this’ll be neat and bring you closer to me...”

“So don’t you squirm, don’t you fret, I’m not gonna hurt you, oh no, no, no, not...yet.” you plunged your blade into his chest, between two of his ribs, not close enough to knick his heart but definitely deep enough to cause him immense pain despite all the adrenaline that was sure to be running through his system now.

You pulled the knife back out, blood dripping off the metal blade as you held it tightly and pranced back across the stage. “I just feel the need to be gettin’ a little of you, a lot of bloodletting, I know the sensation you’re probably dreading but there’s one thing you’re forgetting...”

Turning back to him, you brought the blade to his throat, and in the crowd, Zsasz’s eyes lit up. He was delighted. He was enthralled. His pants were getting a little tight, but whatever. The rest of the audience was gazing up at you with wonder, disgust, amusement...but Zsasz was absolutely admiring the way you so confidently played with your victim. The theatrics were starting to grow on him, he decided, and he wanted nothing more than to go right up there and lick all that blood off your face.

“There’s nothing like the thrill of a shredding,” you sang, almost snarling, “but this is no orthodox beheading...”

You destroyed the man on the gurney, carving through him, drenching yourself in blood in an almost comical way. 

“Cutting you up,” you sang as you made an absolute mess. “Cutting you up...”

“Cutting you up is gonna be....” you finally stepped back, catching your breath as the song slowed. “...so refreshing for me.”

As your routine finished, you took a little bow, still holding the knife as you crossed your ankles and bent at the waist in a delightfully fancy gesture. The man on the gurney was very much dead, blood dripping down onto the stage, and the audience was still eating up every second of it. You could hear Roman cheering, and as you spotted him standing there amidst the crowd with Zsasz at his side, you blew them both a little kiss. 

“How about that?” you heard Roman’s voice boom above the clapping as you strode offstage. “I would call for an encore, but unfortunately, I think we’d need a new victim....”

Your head was still abuzz with the rush of killing, and you walked back to the dressing room in a daze. You were vaguely aware of Dinah Lance wrinkling her nose as you passed her, but you didn’t pay her any mind. Absolutely nothing could kill your good mood now. 

“Well?” the house mom asked as you made your way to your mirror. “Sounds like it went well, judging by those cheers...”

You smiled and hummed to yourself, nodding as you reached for something to clean your face with. You were going to need an entire shower to get all this blood off yourself. 

“Told you.” the house mom snorted a laugh. 

“He loved it,” you grinned. 

She shook her head in amusement. “You are one fucked up girl, I’ll tell you that much.”

“That’s showbiz, baby,” you joked, raising a towel to start working at wiping your face. 

“Oh, pussycat?” a singsong voice made you freeze. 

You could see Zsasz in the mirror. 

He was leaning in the doorway, smirking as he watched you. “Boss wants to talk.”

You paled. Had you fucked up after all? Did Roman get his shits and giggles and now planned on having Zsasz peel your face off? Sionis was infamous for his fickle moods. You’d watched him have plenty of people dragged off into back rooms just for speaking at the wrong time, and you had just done way worse than interrupt him. 

 You gawked at Zsasz, still staring at his reflection. What were you supposed to do? Run? He was blocking the only door, and there was no way you’d be able to get past him. You had no choice but to follow him to Roman. 

“O-Okay,” you managed to stammer out, finally turning towards him. “Lead the way.”

“Might want this.” he held up the bra you had tossed, twirling the strap around his finger while he gave you a smile that showed off his gold teeth.

“Give me that!” you snapped, rushing towards him.

“Ah.” he held it above his head, leering down at you. “Think I like this view more...”

“Zsasz!” you protested, scrambling against his chest and practically trying to claw your way up him to get your lingerie. 

He froze. He finally smelled the metallic tang of all that blood covering you, and coupled with the feeling of your tits against his chest...oh, he was so fucked. 

When he dropped the bra, you grabbed it from him, tossing it back to your mirror and moving to pick up a silky red robe off a nearby hook. You shrugged it on, tying it shut while Zsasz cleared his throat and offered you his arm. 

“Such a gentleman,” you sneered, taking it anyways. 

“When I want to be.” his voice was low and rough, as if his vocal chords were scraping against each other with every syllable. 

You looked up at him, a bit dumbfounded, as he led you out into the club once more. The band was playing as a few people cleaned up the carnage you had left behind, the bar’s patrons all chatting and drinking again. It was as if nothing had even happened and they hadn’t just watched a man be torn apart onstage a few minutes prior. 

Zsasz took you to Roman, the crowd parting before the two of you easily. Sionis was sitting in his favorite booth, sipping his drink and laughing, still seeming to be in a very good mood.

“Ah, there she is!” He said when he saw you, standing up and spreading his arms.

“You wanted to see me, sir?” You asked nervously as Zsasz let you go.

“Yes, yes, I had Mr. Zsasz grab you so that I could congratulate you on a thrilling performance.”

You stared at him. “You liked it?”

“Liked it? I loved it, darling! A bit messy for my tastes, but a lovely show, truly, though I suspect our dear Mr. Zsasz here wishes he could have been the one to take care of your victim. Isn’t that right, Zsasz?”

You glanced up at Zsasz. He grunted, not necessarily in agreement. He didn’t hate watching your performance by any means, and as much as he enjoyed helping little birds fly away from the world, he rather enjoyed watching you do it, too. 

“I’m glad, Mr. Sionis,” you said. 

“I told you, call me Roman.” he took a sip of his drink. “You know, normally, I don’t enjoy it when someone kills the people that belong to me, but I must admit, you certainly have a way with a knife.”

“I would have asked your permission, but I didn’t want to ruin the surprise.” you gulped. 

“And what a lovely surprise it was!” Roman laughed loudly. “You’re very talented...in fact, how’d you like a promotion? Yes? Perfect, perfect! No, no, don’t shake my hand, you’re...well, you’re covered in blood. Quite frankly, it’s disgusting.” He snapped his fingers. “Mr. Zsasz, take her up to the penthouse so she can clean up, I don’t want all this blood getting on the new carpeting in here.”

“Oh, Mr. Sio--Roman,” you cleared your throat, “I can use the shower in the dressing room, really, it’s no trouble--”

“Nonsense, nonsense.” he waved you away. “You’re part of the team now, aren’t you? Besides, a job well done deserves some sort of reward. Zsasz will show you upstairs. Don’t worry, he’s completely harmless.”

As Zsasz put a hand on your lower back, you had your doubts. Harmless wasn’t really a word you would choose to describe Roman’s right hand man. 

“Come on, princess.” Zsasz purred, guiding you through the crowd before you had much of a chance to protest. 

He took you to the elevator in the corner, the bouncer standing guard in front of it stepping aside with a nod. The man hit the up button, and soon, you were pressed up against Zsasz in the small space, on your way up to Roman’s spacious penthouse. 

[nct-lian]

relationships outside of sm

JENNIE + LIAN: JENLI

so iconic omg like how they do it, i have no idea

they hang out all the time and lian is literally ALWAYS on jennie’s instagram

the two of them once had an instagram story conversation over pigtails

like,, jennie posted a picture of lian’s pigtails for that one bicycle performance on her story and captioned it “pigtail baby” and then lian reposted it on her own story with a picture of jennie’s pigtails, captioning it “pigtail eomma”

speaking of eomma, jennie is genuinely her mother

jennie takes her shopping all the time

and in return, lian buys her food

the interactions these two used to have at award shows were SO CUTE

everyone remembers when jennie pretty much yelled out lian’s name and she just came running over to the members of blackpink after taeyong let her leave :(

i’m crying just thinking about it help

jennie also posted a full on instagram post for lian on her birthday and had such a sweet caption with it

it was something like “my daughter is finally 21 today! i hope she has an amazing day and i can’t wait to see her later tonight to give her a gift :) haneullie, lots of love from jennie eomma”

SPEAKING OF THE GIFT,, jennie bought her a whole ass $9000 necklace from chanel because she knew that lian was looking for more

IM IN TEARS AND SO ARE YOU ADMIT IT RN

jenli kpop bestest duo

dispatch once thought jennie was on a date with a girl but it turned out to just be her walking lian home after going shopping with her so they never posted anything about it

they were embarrassed they got something wrong so i get it

omfg when news came out that lian and jinwoo broke up mama jennie was threatening to punch the shit out of him

KEVIN + LIAN: LIMOON

what i’ve been waiting to write for so long okay here we go

so mf chaotic like there are compilations made of these two that scream “go crazy go stupid”

their time as guest mc’s for inkigayo was probably some of the best kpop content we’d gotten in a long ass time

KEVIN IS CAUTIOUS WHEN LETTING HER MEET HIS MEMBERS

cause she’s such a good friend to him and wtf why would he wanna share

“mine mine mine mine” constant dory vibes 24/7

lian thrives off of calling him by his korean name because she knows it annoys him

he’s constantly teasing her for having bagged milk in toronto so he deserves it

the one time lian and jacob talked to each other they seemed to be getting along too much for kevin’s liking so he really went:

“okay lian isn’t it time for you to go” because he WAS GETTING JEALOUSJCLSJX

their styles are pretty much complete opposites and everytime they take pictures together kevin never forgets to mention how off it all looks

“tf is that why are your clothes so boring”

“okay sNaKe pAnTs” because of that one eric moment on kpop daebak show where he said kevin had pants with snakes on them

ALSO BTW LIANS CLOTHES ARENT FUCKING BORING SHES JUST FANCY LIKE THAT

i’m getting heated let me calm down.

they normally speak in english to each other but since lian seems to be stuttering over her words when she isn’t speaking korean, he mixes in a few korean phrases every now and then to help her out

kevin is arguably the most hype every single time lian performs, like he really thinks there isn’t anything better

LIAN MAKES SURE TO UPDATE HER INSTAGRAM STORY WHENEVER TBZ HAVE A COMEBACK SO NCTZENS GO SUPPORT THEM

LIA + LIAN: LILIA

more lian x the canadian line WOOHOO

lia spent her trainee days really looking up to lian and she’s even mentioned before that she’d love for itzy to get the chance to collab with her for a song

she really has her fingers crossed for that btw

they actually met during an award show when ryujin, chaeryeong and yuna all had to leave because it was past curfew

lian decided to sit next to them and during all the intermissions between performances she, lia and yeji conversed to pass time

they ended up growing a friendship together but lian has a stronger bond with lia

she loves all the girls either way but yk

lia and lian love going to cafes together and taking adorable pictures :(

like whenever lia posts on itzy’s instagram midzeys don’t exactly know whether or not lian would be on it too :0

like lian normally posts all the scenery pictures she gets to keep her instagram pleasing whereas lia posts the pictures the two of them take together

my heart </3

lian treats lia like a whole daughter because it isn’t often she finds girls that are younger than her

*screams in the fact that majority of sm’s female artists are all from 2015 and under*

like when i say lian SPOILS her i’m not joking

she will randomly call lia up like:

“hey i’m gonna get you out of that dungeon, come get some chicken with me”

and then they’ll just hang out together

but only if lian is out of the dungeon herself because wbk she ain’t treated very well </3

EUNWOO + LIAN: WOOLI

their chemistry is fucking insane holy shit

like their acting for past to present was seriously so praised, netizens found it hard to believe it was all just for the show

dating rumours follow these two everywhere,, like everywhere

it’s one of the most popular ships inside ncity when it comes to lian and other idols

i kid you not one tweet said “chanhyeok treated jihye so well in past to present, i’m only wondering how well eunwoo would treat lian 👀”

LIKE STOP PUTTING IDEAS INTO PEOPLES HEADS YOURE KILING ME HERE ISTG

but yeah they do look really good together

and they’re an amazing pair for acting

when eunwoo started working with inyeop for true beauty, he said:

“hyung’s dating my girlfriend” because of the fact that both of them have acted with lian and BOTH of them dated her in the dramas

what a coincidence though

we all cried when we saw chanhyeok and jihye kiss for the first time DONT LIE

EUNWOO FOLLOWS HER ON INSTAGRAM

and they wished each other happy birthday on their instagram stories

there’s actually people who like to think that they dated while filming for past to present andddd they radiate big delulu vibes

like you know liskook shippers? wooli shipped are kinda the same, but not as intense (thank god)

BUT CAN WE BLAME THEM LIKE THEIR CHEMISTRY? THE WAY THEY TALKED TO EACH OTHER? PLEASE

they took a lot of cute pictures together behind the scenes (ノ﹏ヽ)

MOMO + LIAN: LIMO

DANCER DUO DANCER DUO

this ship isn’t actually as popular as we would like it to be, but nonetheless people love limo

a lot of interactions during award shows !!

like for example momo’s fancams always captured her dancing perfectly to lian’s choreo

and lian smiling in momo’s direction

i love them

when lian found out about heechul and momo’s relationship, she asked momo if she was her mom now because of how much of a father figure she considers heechul to be JDFJK

“i mean sure”

they’ve actually done a vlive together before (ᗒᗨᗕ)

it was when lian visited her at the twice dorms and they ended up getting bored so they decided to do a vlive in the living room

THEY PLAYED DARE OR DARE AND LIAN HAD TO DO THE TEARS CHALLENGE (so chan whee) ON MOMOS KARAOKE MACHINE

her throat was dry for the rest of the night

after seeing momo’s hair for the i can’t stop me era, lian actually wanted to cut it like that

but she decided against it because she loves her long hair too much

the two of them met on hit the stage where they competed against each other in a freestyle dance battle

after that they just started casually talking over the phone and became great friends

with the way momo talks about lian, you’d think they’re dating-

“oh, lian- she’s so pretty! i love her a lot!”

and the same goes for lian, she loves talking about momo’s dancing skills

JACKSON + LIAN: JACKLIAN

her dad :/

adopted her with amber liu like a year ago so now she’s just his daughter

supports each other like crazy not even joking

jackson promotes her on instagram and twitter 24/7

THEY HAVE SO MANY INTERACTIONS THANK GOD

lian was once given a ridiculously short dress while attending an award show and jackson gave her his jacket to wear over her legs because she wasn’t provided a blanket :(

(keep in mind, she went there without the members!)

lian added all his music to her playlist :)

once got drunk together and spent like three hours doing karaoke but it’s okay cause it was fun

speaking of getting drunk, jackson’s the cool dad that lets her do whatever she wants

he has his protective moments where he’s like “ma’am where are you going on that short of a dress” but he’s also like “hey wanna go get chicken and soju”

they both appeared on a radio show together as guests and they ruined the whole broadcast because they were too loud

like they kept getting out of their seats to go wave at all the fans outside the window and they were just fighting back and forth about whether or not lian’s extensions look real

according to jackson, they’re “NOT AUTHENTIC ENOUGH- LOVE YOUR HAIR FOR WHAT IT IS, LIANNA HANEUL BAE.” lian’s hair lives matter :/

PLSSS WHEN HYOSEOP AND LIAN STARTED DATING- no

jackson was so proud that his good friend was smooching his other good friend but the protective dad instincts really kicked in

“break her heart and you die no cap”

was surprisingly chill when they broke up though, he was just glad lian didn’t cry

SUNMI + LIAN: SUNLI

SUNMI IS HER MOM OHMYGOD

so many interactions

honestly took lian under wing once she debuted as a soloist

female kpop soloists gotta have each other’s backs in this industry man :(

sunmi calls lian her princess SOBS

lian always hugs sunmi at award shows, like if they’re sitting close together

or if they’re standing next to each other on stage

you bet your ass lian is gripping onto sunmi for dear life

did a photoshoot together for marie claire korea

they’re so hot bro

BUT THEY FIRST MET ON WEEKLY IDOL NOT LONG AFTER LIAN DEBUTED AS A SOLOIST

they were kinda awkward ngl uh

but by the end of it they were besties :DD

and they’ve been besties ever since

lian is the ceo of doing dance covers for sunmi’s songs

cmon lian we’re waiting for tail 👀

sunmi has actually met lian’s grandma </3

like her and lian were hanging out at the dorms while the boys were out on a schedule and her grandma just randomly showed up with homemade food so that was definitely a win

BANG CHAN + LIAN: LICHAN

they’ve been friends for a LOOONGGG time

and chain’s known her since dating back to like, smrookies era when lian was still a red velvet member

like at that time she had no idea he existed, but he was keeping up with her daily :(

chan plays her music on vlives all the time and he always knows the dance moves

like he just dances along in his chair and mumbles the lyrics

we love to see it

a lot of fans ship them together

SURPRISE SURPRSIE AH

only because chan gives off big pining energy

lian only looks at him like “:D” whereas he looks at her like “♡•♡”

kinda sad but

lian promotes him on live so often HVKSVU

“my friend chan is coming back with his group soon, you should check it out! :)”

and the way she just says “my friend chan” LIKE ITS SO OBVIOUSLY A FRIENDZONE BUT HE THINKS ITS ADORABLE

he once got a comment on a vlive to react to lian moments, obviously complying because who wouldn’t

there was this one clip of her saying “my friend chan from stay kids!” and whoever edited the compilation added in squishy noises right after while zooming in on her face

AND CHAN BLUSHED SO HARD NOO

“oh- hahaha, uhh, she’s so cute aw hahahah”

ASHLEY + LIAN: ASHLI

oh god not another lian x mom ship

ASHLEY LOVES LIAN WOAH

like she’s submitted lian’s resume to bm so many times so they could be part of the big tiddie committee together

ashley is constantly, and i mean constantly, reposting all of lian’s posts on her story with captions like “LOOK AT HER GO”

and lian has even discovered all the cool instagram filters because of ashley, and now we get the quality content from her that WE DESERVEEEEE

back when lian’s album came out, all ashley’s story really was was just screenshots of her streaming all the songs and calling them bops

when they first met in person after texting back in forth, ashley spammed her instagram story with pictures of lian that she took without her looking

these two radiate a lot of “YES GIRL WORKKK ITTT TURN THIS WAY OKAYYY POSE POSE POSE” energy

lian’s been featured in one of ashley’s youtube videos and it was when they met for the first time :)

they exchange a lot of gifts through the mail

like lian once found a mug when shopping with doyoung and she thought that it would fit ashley’s taste so she sent it to her apartment

and ever since then they just send random little gifts to each other’s houses

it’s so cute

MATCHING BUCKET HATS THEY HAVE MATCHING BUCKET HATS !!!!!!

ashley talks about lian all the time

she always says that for someone so young, she’s accomplished a lot and she’s really proud of her

they wanna do tiktoks with each other but they never have the time </3

lian spam comments on ashley’s instagram like “WOAH” “OKAYYYY” “YESYESYES”

[laguera25]

Since Richard/his podcast opted not to use my story, I thought I'd post it here. I suspect they passed on it because there were better stories, and because I spent way too long on the bus follies. But! I tried, and maybe someone read it and got a chuckle.

So:

I won't lie; I came to Emigrate through Rammstein.  I LOVE Ramstein.  So when I heard Richard was going to do a solo project, I was intrigued.  That guy never goes halfway on anything he does, and he always has something to say.  Whatever he did was bound to be interesting.  Okay, I was in.

Except I had no car.  So the only option was the bus.  Which doesn't sound so terrible.  Except I use a wheelchair.  Which means they have to tie you down with straps that they're supposed to tighten until your chair doesn't move.  It's a nice thought, but most of the drivers aren't properly trained in it or paid enough to care after dealing with people all day, so you're lucky if they put all the straps on, let alone tighten them.  But I was determined to see what this Emigrate business was all about, so I broiled in the heat at the bus stop for an hour and got on the bus.  The driver lowered the ramp to let me get on, and then huffed and grumbled through strapping me down.  As you might expect, his fastening job was,,,haphazard, and I spent the ride with a white-knuckled grip on the folded-up seat edge, praying he wouldn't have to stop a lot or make a sharp turn.  Some more grumbling and a transfer later, and I get to the music store.

Only to find out they don't have it.  They've never even heard of it.  My woe, it is mighty.  I am hot.  I am tired.  My arm muscle is cramped and throbbing because I've spent an hour holding on for dear life so I don't flip over into the aisle and break my arms or ribs.  I must look like something God spat out, because the clerk hurries to his computer and does a bit of fiddling.

"I can order it for you.  It could take a week or two, but we'll call you when it comes in," he says.  Bless this man.  Fine.  He places the order, and I slog back to the bus stop with my throbbing arm.  Another hour in the summer heat of Florida.  Whee.

Ten days later, the call comes in.  Back to the bus stop for another hour.  A different driver this time, but this man gives not a damn.  Tightening the straps is not in this man's job description.  All I can do is set my brakes  and pray.  As if.

Sure enough, I start to slide and slalom.  I slide forward and smash into the seat in front of me.  My ankle howls alarmingly, pinched between my footrest and the plastic.  Another slide, and I slam backward into those seats.  At this point, the driver should have stopped and tightened the straps, but this man is not going to interrupt his schedule for a trifling thing like public safety.  The bus rolls on, and I'm just slamming back and forth between these seats.  Slide, slam, slide slam.  My arm is screaming from trying to at least keep the chair upright.  My ankle is screwed.  My neck hurts.  The other passengers have begun to yell at the driver to do something.  But the driver is damned if he's going to fall behind, so he just keeps going.  Slide, slam, slide slam.  This is the worst amusement park ride in the world.

Finally, a woman with a baby on her hip gets out of her seat and starts messing with the straps.  Now the driver starts yelling at her not to touch them.  She tells him what she thinks of that.  A man gets up and decides to hang on to my chair arm so it will quit slamming back and forth.  The driver, who hasn't cared about the whiplash I've been getting every time he brakes, is now deeply concerned about passenger safety and is yelling at them to sit down.  They ignore him.

He's seething by the time he drops me off and all but shoves me off the ramp.   I straggle inside.  My hair is a mess.  I stink from the sweat.  My ankle, knee, and arm are all kinds of wrenched.  I look like I have crawled out of a ditch.  My $3000 wheelchair is now damaged and out of true.  The same clerk is there.  He does a double take, hands me the CD, and lets me sit awhile to gather myself before I have to roll the bus gauntlet again.  I do, of course.  I suspect the other passengers complained because it was another very experienced driver who knew exactly what he was doing.  Perfect, secure strap job, and I get home in one piece.

As you might imagine, at this point, I am not well disposed toward this Emigrate CD.  I have wrecked my chair, which is akin to an able person wrecking their legs, and my actual leg, useless as it might be for its supposed purpose, is now not only useless but agonizingly painful.  I have decided that unless Richard himself emerges from this misbegotten CD, I am throwing it out the window.  But I've shelled out the money, so I might as well listen.  So I popped it into the CD player and let it rip.

And fell in love.  It was the last thing I'd expected, to tell the truth.  Rammstein is so polished and often weirdly baroque, but this was so raw, so earnest.  It was rock, yeah, but there was a different tenor, a crunchy, sometimes bluesy vibe.  I think I played it five times that first night, and then it got played every day for months, until I found out there was an edition with extra tracks, and then  ordered that one.  By then, I'd moved to a place in Amazon territory and gotten a car, so there was no hell ride that time.

So, yeah, that's my Emigrate story.  I wound up having to replace my wheelchair because of the damage it took, so at $3,016, it's probably the most expensive CD I've ever bought, but it was worth it.  I've played it to the grooves ever since, and it's helped me ride out panic attacks and physical meltdowns when my nervous system just overloads and makes my muscles so rigid that I can't breathe, and lately it's been getting me through the 534 days since I last left the house for anything but the dentist.  It's helping me keep my chin up.  So thanks, Mr. Kruspe, for putting it out there.  And yes, I have its successors, but this one will always have a special place.

[kuekyuuq]

Q: Do we actually have any canon concept of how long Kara was stuck in the Phantom Zone?

[I answered this to a post, and decided the topic was worth its own - slightly edited - posting.]

Whee~ I love turning fictional shows into a science-project!! 

 So, for how long did Kara stay in the Phantom Zone?

Upfront, the question is a bit misleading, as “time does not exist in the Phantom Zone”. What that means, canonically? Dunno... My head-canon is, that time as a concept is not per se perceivable or at least measurable in the PZ. However, clearly duration exists (a perceived order of events; event A happened before event C and B in the middle - and/or in the absence of events, the ‘sensation’ of un-measurable eternity [and equally nothingness/suddenness]).

However, Kara seems to experience quite a lot of things that are more or less shown to happen parallel to the events on Earth-Prime, which I will use as reference. I looked for mentions of time, daylight / nighttime settings, and wardrobe-changes, based on the assumption that characters (outside of superhero’ing) change their casual wardrobe not more or less than once a day (esp. Lena - at least pre-unemployment - and Andrea). So, here we go:

Any and all references (feel free to comment and add) to passage of time inside the Phantom Zone and on Earth-Prime while Kara was inside the Phantom Zone:

6x01 At the end of the episode, the next morning is shown (considering Andrea only just notices Kara is not there and refers to her father’s financial crash) Later Lena says about Myriad "[...] I did use it one last time tonight" only after that, we see Kara waking up (for the first time?) in the PZ = one whole day has passed (on Earth)

6x02 Starts presumably the same evening (grabbing Silas) Next morning Nia and William get assigned to Lex's trial, Andrea later visits Lena, Lillian visits Lena, Lena testifies against Lex.. [Aside: We may assume Lex is high-profile enough, his trial is happening a day after he was brought in(?)... is fiction, okay? ...the rushed job may or may not explain the verdict :( ] Silas did mention it would take him even longer than a week to get his portal working, but he had been talked into trying to get it done by sundown. And Kelly says “that’s more than anyone could have pulled of in a day” to Alex’s efforts to get Kara back asap. Kara is rejoined with her father. ...further, judging by everyone's wardrobe: = one full day passed

6x03 J'onn refers to letting the Phantom into their world / events of 6x02 as "I acted on my emotions yesterday." Kelly says "Look, I know it's not the same thing but yesterday, when I was in my own despair about what happened at Obsidian..." Kara says: "Until yesterday, I thought my father was dead." 

6x04 Alex sacrificing the crystal to save people over Kara happened within one day

6x05&6x06 3 days passed during Nia and Brainy's time-travel

6x07 2 hours of traveling inside the PZ :P Kelly, referring to events in 6x03: "Last week, you brought me flowers and asked me to move in with you" [Aside: We don't know if/when weekends happen, so if let’s say, that episode’s events happened canonically on a Monday, and the referred to events on a Thursday, only like 3-4 days would have passed and the statement of ‘last week’ would still be valid. Either that, or I missed a day or two between 6x04 & the intro of 6x05...]

====

7 days / one week seems to have passed on Earth. Kara referring to finding her father possibly matches up (her inner clock may still, at least at the beginning of her stay, have been in tune with the outside world), but cuts may or may not suggest, her subjective “duration” of her stay in the PZ was less long (maybe 3-4 days?), yet at also felt much, much longer...

I hope, that helps, or at least gives some indication as of how to interpret what the show depicted... (although, my personal take is, that the show doesn’t really know itself... soooo....) [Edit] I’ve been made aware, that between 6x01 and 6x02 William’s injury seems to have healed - although, that could be a production error. And how both, finding someone with Silas’ skill set and the preparations for Lex’s trial should have taken longer than a day, up to a week.  Usually, an episode of the show spans several days and/or is set about a week after the previous one (x-parters notwithstanding). Technically, this could also have been the case here. However... Alex’ and Jonnz’ kept depicting urgency, and the way how in the following episodes characters keep referring to previous episodes’ events as “yesterday” implies to me, personally, that events did unfold rather quickly during Kara’s “time” in the Phantom Zone.  If it had been about a week, however, it would mean, that Kara’s perceived time in the Phantom Zone was either even shorter than the time that had passed on Earth-Prime... or she had spent the equivalent of several days getting haunted by Phantoms before Zor-El took her to his cave... - Which I am not against, drama-wise! (Me thinks, tho, that her “No, no, no, not again!” indicates a 2nd, 3rd or maybe even fourth Phantom-attack, not a several days’ worth - seeing how Phantoms are seen showing up quickly once ppl roam about - after several ‘days’, IMO, she may have reacted much more resigned and less, dare I say, surprised? In my mind, act-first-think-later Kara pretty much spend her first ‘day’ in the PZ actively searching for a way out herself, and therefore somewhat added to her Phantom-encounter-count to merit that reaction... she still appears rather inexperienced and ignorant later when walking outside with others.)

But, again, the characters, their attitudes, how the following episodes seem to tie in back to back with another and by statements made (see above) only so ‘little’ time passed in the rest of the arc, and ...I can find no actual proof for a longer time-span at this or any other point. Meantime: William’s injury had been cauterized, he isn’t seen moving a lot without his arm-sling; Lex is high-profile; M’gann is very well connected in the alien-scene. And most importantly: Can anyone imagine Alex twiddling her thumbs for several days while her sister is in the Phantom Zone?

So, I take the liberty to stick to my above estimate - but feel free to add up to another week to your own count, between 6x01 and 6x02. :) Also, feel free to convince me and help me get this timeline more accurate! ❤

[zirkkun-uthcs]

~💙Heyoo, how have you been? Hope you take care of yourself I'll just leave my request here: UT! - UL! - UF! - ULR! Sans (separately) have been invited with their bros on a Netflix and pajamas party night by someone that might have a crush on them. This person also have been close friends with their brothers for a few months now. How do they take it? Do they take the opportunity to try and get to know this person better or they just ignore the whole deal?

Aaa I'm doing alright!💕 Unfortunately I accidentally closed this without saving the first time, so hopefully it's still okay?? My second drafts are never as good when I have to write them from memory lol..

&&&

Undertale!Sans - Sans is fairly indifferent to the idea of going out for the evening, but decides to go since his brother is very excited about the two of them going together. Papyrus is weirdly more fidgety and giddy than usual, and Sans has absolutely no idea why. When they get to the party, Papyrus almost immediately goes to introduce Sans to the friend that has a crush on him. Within seconds, Papyrus is claiming suddenly that he has to go to the bathroom, and leaves them. pap, wtf? monsters don't even have to use the bathroom, what are you doing? Sans tries to just shrug it off. But it isn't very long until he figures out for himself why his brother left the two of them to talk by themselves. Well, it certainly isn't what he expected, then again he never really expects anyone to find him appealing enough to be nervous around, but silently entertains it by getting to know them better through the evening. He'll never directly out them, that'd be just rude, especially if they're already nervous. Though, he'll secretly hope they say it at some point before the morning.

Underlust!Sans - Lust's brother doesn't even give him a choice in the matter. Charm just exclaims, "WE'RE GOING TO A PARTY TONIGHT!" and so they are. Lust isn't against it, he likes social events, but he's just surprised as to why Charm is so insistent on it. He doesn't get his answer until they start making their way to the party, when Charm gives up and just tells Lust outright that one of his friends there has a crush on Lust, and he really wanted them to meet up and talk. While Lust is flattered, he can't really fathom the idea of a relationship with someone; they'd probably just leave him right away once they got close to him and realized who he actually was. But, when they got to the party, and he actually met Charm's friend, Lust's SOUL was struck the second he saw their face flush when they met eyes. Oh boy. He wasn't about to back out now. Lust was going to do everything in his power to learn everything about them even if it took all night, and you better believe he was as close to them as possible the whole evening.

Underfell!Sans - Fell's brother just kicked down his door, instructed him that they were going to a party, and then immediately when the two of them got there, Edge just left. He just left Fell there. Wow. real nice, bro. Now he has absolutely no way of going home. He could shortcut, sure, but would it really be wise to do that when it's very probable that's where Edge was going? Fell was trapped. Great. Wonderful. He's having a ball. Whee. It's been five minutes and he already wants to leave. Fell made himself his own pouty corner in one of the least populated rooms, essentially, and spent a while scrolling on his phone before someone approached him. Wasn't that Edge's friend? Oh great, now they're going to ask him about why he left. But, to Fell's utter shock, they instead ask how he's doing. Him. Fell. Specifically. He sputtered a half-answer, internally screaming about 50 thoughts at once. is this genuine affection? what? no. they literally just asked "how are you doing?" why am i like this. Well, needless to say, he became very clingy to said friend for the evening, the smallest semblance of a crush already forming even from just one half of a conversation. He really was just desperate for any sort of positive attention, isn't he? Fell isn't sure what to do.

Underlust Reimagine!Sans - Ace's brother also doesn't give him a choice. Duo borderline literally drags Ace out of his room, forcing him to go to the party. Ace doesn't want to be there, to say the least. He's afraid of facing most people in the Underground, first of all, and second of all, he knows exactly why Duo's dragging him outside. Ace has told him a thousand different times that he's absolutely sick of being set up with people. He plans to just deal with it as usual: whoever unfortunate soul is gonna be stuck with him for the evening is really going to hate him, because he's going to do nothing but be as unappealing as possible. Fortunately, he's a master at knowing exactly what people hate, because there was a time where he could easily pick up on people's likes and desires, but now he's just changed it to work the other way. There is very, very little Duo's friend can do to even remotely waver Ace's opinion at all. He'll reject every opening of conversation, constantly be on his phone while pretending to forget they're there, and adapting around every pet peeve he can figure out in a short time. He's going to be really pissed off and confused if, for some reason, Duo's friend doesn't leave him alone after thirty minutes... an hour... two hours... three hours...?? What can a guy do to be more unappealing around here?

[enkisstories]

I cheated Emma 30 vacation days, but sometimes forget to actually take them, resulting in her grades dropping. So we’re in the same situation as in the main timeline: The girl loves to write stories, but avoids everything else.

When one day Emma’s spelling got too creative, John asked the widow Archer, who had a girl of the same age, to teach Emma.

The two bookworms spent the whole morning and a good chunk of the afternoon at the Archer wagon (aka in school). When Emma returned, the trek was moving too fast to climb onto her family’s wagon.

Daniel: “I know something better, little mouse! Come, try climbing Plum!”

Emma: “Okay... oof... Did it!!!”

Daniel: “Great! And now I’ll show you how to sit and hold fast to the saddle while Plum moves. That’s not really riding yet, but trust me, by the time we reach Strangerville, you‘ll be such a professional that father needs to pay you!”

Emma: “Will we ride alongside the trek now, Danny?”

Daniel: “Haha, no! Now we will ride where the trek will be in an hour!”

Whee! Whee!

[silenciawrites]

Camp Nano Update

Project: Start Stonecast 

Word Count: 10500/10000

Comments: Whee, we’re done! I should not have upped the word count during finals, but better to have tried and learned than to have not tried, I guess. Also, I am having an exceedingly upsetting day trying to study things we never learned, so here, have a snippet!

One Year Later

The minutes count down to midnight, one year to the day after she had Cast her fate. Zolenna stares at the hourglass, hypnotized by the falling sand, waiting. Waiting. As though the curse she had seen on her own future would suddenly jump out of the glass in the last seconds of the year, as though the blood and death she had seen coming for her would not have taken hours to achieve…

The hourglass runs out, and she is still breathing. No smoke fills the air. No screams shatter the quiet of the dark hours. There are no crackling flames, no spreading blood on the stone floors of the library. The keep is the same as it has ever been, and she does not know what to do.

“It’s not possible,” she whispers aloud, as though there were anyone there to hear. Dazed, she gets to her feet and stumbles out of her room, down the hall. The year has passed…and they are all still here. The Stonecast future she had seen has not occurred; the fates have been thwarted.

It can’t be. It can’t be.

But it is.

The hour is late enough that the torches have burnt out, so Zolenna makes her way in the dark back to the library that stands outside the great storerooms. The stone floors are cold as she pads along them in bare feet, and she really should have put something on over her nightgown, but no one is about at this hour of the night. Her mind is swimming with confusion and fear, and she needs—she has to see—

The library doors stand open as they always do; any student who wishes to study is welcome within at any time of day or night. As she walks through them, she gets a quick flash of them hanging off their hinges, broken and burning, that makes her shudder. The windows are closed. So are the double doors, strong and steady with their protective runes carved into them, that lead into the room where the sacred stones rest. In the vision she’d seen them open, shattered as though from an explosion…but the year has passed, and here they are, just the same as they have always been.

Had she made a mistake? Had she misheard the whispers of the vision—could it have been two years instead of one? Does she have more time than she had thought? Could that be all it is?

A year, she hears again, like an echo. No more.

No, she knows she hadn’t been wrong. But if she wasn’t…if it really was supposed to be within the year and now that year is over…

There has never in the history of Casting been a Stonecast fate that failed to occur. What they see is supposed to be what happens, no questions about it. If it hasn’t…if a Casting has somehow been wrong…

She cannot even imagine what will happen to the world as she knows it if a Casting could have been wrong, and the word gets out.

She looks up when her outstretched hand meets the heavy wood of a door, the metal of the handle. Somehow, she had found her way back to the storerooms while wandering. Death is supposed to have come for her here, right here, by now. She doesn’t want it, of course, but she had…had resigned herself to it. Had turned away her friends, devoted herself to her studies. Had spent the last year of her life preparing for her death. And now…

The end she had planned to meet hasn’t arrived, and now here she is, adrift in a world where she is supposed to be dead.

“I thought you might come here tonight,” says a soft voice in the dark of the library. Zolenna starts violently, but a second later recognizes the voice.

There’s the whisper of a match being lit, and Li’s face becomes visible as they light a candle, setting it on a side table.

“I…” Zolenna trails off. “I did see it,” she says, suddenly and violently defensive—and not entirely sure how to explain even to herself why it matters so much that Li not believe her a liar. If anyone else had told this story, she knows she would never have believed them. “I really did see it! I don’t—what’s happened?”

“Shh.” Li skirts around the table to come to her side, voice low and soothing. “I know you saw it. I believe you. I saw you afterwards, remember? There was no lie in the way you looked when you spoke of it. But…perhaps the stones were faulty, or…” They stop talking, apparently realizing just as Zolenna had what the sacred stones being faulty might mean. Finally they finish, “Or something else may have happened. It could have been anything.”

Stonecasting decides the fate of kingdoms, determines inheritance, gives weight to weddings and wars alike because it is so entirely infallible. Or it has been, until now. If it could have been anything…they have to find out what that something might have been.

“No one knows except us,” they say at last, resuming the thought with some difficulty. “No one ever needs to. You can forget it, and we can go on.”

“I can’t.” Until she says it, Zolenna doesn’t realize it’s going to come out of her mouth. “I can’t. I…I have to know why this happened. Why it didn’t happen. People rely on us, Li, they believe that what we see will always come to pass—if that isn’t true anymore, we can’t lie to them! They have to know!”

Li is quiet for a minute or two. In the flickering light of the candle, Zolenna can’t quite make out their expression. At last, they ask, “What do you want to do about it?”

Honestly, she isn’t sure. Staring into the tiny flame, she says, “I won’t find the answers here. I don’t—I don’t want to scare anyone. Any of the students or the other Stonecasters. And if they knew what I’d done, they would be more worried about the punishment than what I saw. It wouldn’t matter that we had to find out why it didn’t work.” She takes a deep breath. “I have to…I think I have to take the pilgrimage.”

It has been centuries since anyone has done so, and more centuries yet since anyone had come back, so she can’t fault the faint alarm in Li’s voice when they say, “The pilgrimage? But—”

“I have to know why, Li.” She stares harder at the candle, willing back the trembling that started the moment she’d said aloud what she knows she has to do. “And the Seeing Stone might be the only place that has the answers for me. It’s been a long time. Maybe the danger is gone.”

She doesn’t believe that, and knows that Li doesn’t believe it either. “I can speak to Sage Venecia,” she muses to herself. “I can’t…can’t tell her everything, but if I can concoct a story that she would believe, perhaps she would let me go—”

“I’ll go with you.”

Zolenna’s head snaps away from the candle, staring into the light flickering from Li’s eyes. “What? No. Li—”

“I’ll go with you,” they repeat.

“You can’t!” It’s one thing for her to risk her life, a life whose end must already be coming. (She still can’t quite accept that it isn’t over already.) It’s quite another to drag Li down with her. “You—the Faithful are supposed to stay here, at the Keep. They won’t let you go, they’ll be furious if you try—”

“Our duty is to the Stonecasters, not the Keep. You’ve never been outside this place. If you go, I go with you.” They blow out the candle. As her eyes adjust to the dark, she can hear the rustle of their clothes, the quiet shuffling of their slippers. “I’m sure they’ll understand.”

Zolenna is not nearly so sure. To be one of the Faithful is to swear an oath: to tend the Keep and those who live within, for as long as they shall live. Li, like all the other Faithful, has sworn that oath. And they can’t possibly have much more experience than she does in the world outside the keep; though they sometimes leave to get supplies and help deal with all the necessary business of keeping their home running, they rarely have need to do so. The Keep is very self-sufficient.

But…she also doesn’t want to go alone.

“They won’t be mad at you?”

“No, not if I’m going to ensure that one of the Stonecasters is safe,” says Li gently. Almost too gently. They aren’t normally so careful with her, but then, Zolenna rarely feels as fragile as she does right now. “We will be all right, I promise you. In the morning, you will speak to Sage Venecia, and I will make arrangements with my superiors. We’ll find out what happened.”

“But…then what?” If they find out what went wrong, they’ll have to fix it to ensure that the future happens as it’s supposed to. But if the future happens as it’s supposed to…

The feeling of her own blood coating her hands makes her shiver and push the thought aside. “Never mind.” She tries to call some of her usual briskness back into her voice, but from the way Li looks at her she knows they aren’t fooled. “If you think they’ll let you go, I wouldn’t be averse to some company along the way…but not once we get there, Li.” Seeing their lips part as though to argue, she says, “It’s mine to do. I cast the stones. I broke the rules. It was my Casting that caused the damage, whatever it turns out to have been. Please understand. I have to be the one to make it right.”

And if death is the price of making it right, she doesn’t want Li to be in the line of fire. It hadn’t been their fault that they’d been the one to find her.

Li studies her for a long few seconds, then nods. “In the morning,” they tell her, “we’ll handle it together.”

Tag list! @writekaywrite @tinbramble @toboldlywrite @andromedadarcy

[thepointofthestory]

Pressure Release Valve

I’m starting this blog as a way to release some of the pressure I’m experiencing.  A journal to help me process what’s going on and deal with it.  I process verbally a lot, which is good, but I can’t afford a therapist right now so I’ve been leaning heavily on friends - and they’re amazing for listening to me, but, I just keep going over the same shit again and again and they have to be getting tired of me.  I can’t vent on Facebook anymore - because that’s just so fraught.  Anonymous venting onto Tumblr seems like it’s worth trying.   So, here we go - first real post.  This is some background about one of the topics that’s got me deeply wound.  

My father is an elderly man.  He is 71 years old with Type 2 Diabetes, Severely Reduced Kidney Function, and Moderate to Severe Sleep Apnea. 

A Quick Medical Overview about 15 years ago my dad was in a long term relationship with a woman and was living in her home.  During that period he was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and, because he snores to wake the fucking devil, she made him do a sleep study and he was diagnosed with Moderate to Severe Sleep Apnea and given a CPAP machine.   About 4 years ago my father’s kidney’s failed.  He had a UTI and went in for a contrast dye test for some other issue, and, the combination of those things plus my dad’s unchecked Type 2 Diabeties (and very high blood sugar levels) made his kidney’s throw up their hands and go “Fuck it, we’re done!” 

He spent THREE FULL WEEKS in the hospital.  At first trying different treatments to see if they could “reboot” my dad’s Kidneys, then, after a day or two doing Dyalisis and getting his bloodwork stabalized.  Three full weeks.  And he nearly died.  

He was released to Hospice/Rehab care where they assessed his abilities and capabilities.  They recomended a walker.  Set up on-going out-patient Dyalisis treatments.  Literally helped him get back on his feet.  The Rehab center was wonderful and recomended that he move to a facility with nursing staff.  Not that he go into a “Home” or Hospice care, just... a place with medical staff on hand.  Someone to help him manage his diet and medications.  He refused.  Because he’s a grown man, see. 

THREE days later he called me at 2 am hysterical.  Utterly freaking out.  At the time I had a 5 month old baby and I was awake when he called because I was nursing my son.  But also I lived an hour and a half away from him and could not understand what he was saying or what was going on.  I was sleep deprived.  I hung up on him.  My sister ended up calling an ambulance to check on him, which was good, because his blood sugar had crashed out so low he was having a delustional episode.  

He went back to the hospital.  He got stabalized again and relased to go home within 48 hours, but, with the caveat that he take a Diabetes 2 education class.  I agreed to go with him to the classes - which were at a location close to his house.  So I drove an hour and a half to pick him up, sat through an hour of class, drove him home, made him fucking dinner and then drove an hour and a half back home with breasts that were, at that point, painfully full of milk - because there was no possible time to pump in that whole mess of activity. 

The course was 5 classes long, after the 4th class we got into an argument about how he couldn’t just eat McDonalds all the time anymore.  Because the class had focused on how fast food was an especially bad choice to make for Diabetics who have other health issues.  The teacher had specifically pulled up the nutritional information for a BASIC McDonalds Hamburger and talked about all the reasons why it was bad for blood sugar, even though - yes, there was a high protein count, there were all these added sugars.  Our argument began by me basically saying “Now that someone else has said it, will you please stop doing this?”  The argument ended when he OPENED THE PASSENGER DOOR OF THE CAR WHILE IT WAS IN MOTION AND THREATENED TO THROW HIMSELF OUT.

I had to pull the car over, get out, shove him back into the car (as he wasn’t able to right himself) while he hit me in the shoulders and threw a tantrum like a toddler about how all the women in his life have ever done is screw him over. I didn’t go to the 5th class.  I’m not sure if he did.  And I didn’t talk to him or deal with him for months. 

During those months my sisters (both younger) discovered that he was so deeply in debt that he was going have all his utilities shut off and to be evicted from his apartment if he was late on another payment.  So, they took over his finances.  Like, litterally took them over.  My youngest sister (who we’ll call Teri) is his Trustee for his social security payments, and, all his money goes into an account that she has access too but that he does not.  My middle sister (Who we’ll call Beth) now manages the day to day bill paying and distribution of the account, including putting money weekly onto a pre-paid debit card that my dad has access too for shopping and miscelaneous expenses. 

About six or nine months passed and things had evened out a little.  My father was coming out to see my son on a fairly regular basis.  I was ignoring him to the best of my ability.  Working. Raising my son.  Ignoring.   And then I got a call, while I was at work, from my father.  He needed to go to the ER, he said.  To schedule a surgery apointment.  Huh?  He had a wound on his big toe that wouldn’t heal.  This happens with Type 2 Diabetics, so it wasn’t a surprise. I was already aware of the wound and that he was seeing doctors about it.  He had assured me that he was taking care of the wound and he was having apointments reguarly to have it dressed and assessed, so, I hadn’t done any digging into it.  Apparently his doctor had recomended surgery and told him that he should go to the ER in the morning and get scheduled for a surgery apointment... which doesn’t make any sense at all.  That’s ... not how that works? 

So, I took a break at work and called Kaiser.  I spoke to someone who read me the visitation notes from the doctor.  Basically, the doctor had come to the conclusion that the tissue was damaged enough that it needed to be abraded and recomended that my father be transported to the hospital and admitted and scheduled for surgery that night.  My dad, who was STILL paying off the ambulance bills from his last two hospital stays refused to go.  He said he’d drive himself in the morning.  His doctor recomended against that and suggested that, if he didn’t want to be transported via ambulance he could get a family member to pick him up.  He refused.  The doctor made a note in the after visit information that this course of action could result in serious issues up to and including DEATH and that my father was refusing/leaving the office against medical advice. 

So.... I got a friend who drives Uber to pick my dad up at his apartment and take him to the closest ER.  I met them there.  There is a whole story associated with this pick up and my friend had to get his car detailed afterwards.  Whee. 

When I got to the ER they had my dad laid out in a hospital gown and had done some initial blood testing and my dad was waiting in a curtianed area.  His blood sugar was all out of whack.  He had an infection in his toe that threatened to spread to his blood - and if you don’t know, blood poisoning is fucking deadly.  They were running fluids and antibiotics via IV.   The toe was necrotic.  Unsaveable.  They needed to remove it ASAP.  It was a good thing I had gotten him in tonight, the doctor told me.  If he had waited until morning he might have fallen asleep and never woken up.  

They ended up removing his big toe from the first knuckle to the tip, and wrapping it up.  He went back to Hospice/Rehab and spent another 3 weeks learning how to use a cane to help him walk.  He was instructed to use the cane all the time, but especially while he was recovering from surgery.  He never used it, still doesn’t.  

Another six months pass.  It’s December now his toe has never healed from surgery.  Refusing to use the cane has put too much pressure on the toe and it won’t heal.  Being diabetic makes it important that he keep it clean and dry, but, he continues to stand up to pee ... and misses the toilet regularly.  So... he’s peeing on his open wound and not changing the bandage or cleaning the wound.  

And, so, there’s a need for a second surgery.  This time they take the whole toe.  And it’s back to rehab.  Again.  Where he ends up pushing for release early - and ends up getting authorized to go home on Christmas Eve.  This time he promises he’ll use his cane.  He does not.  

It’s been two years now without any catastropic injuries or events.  He’s mostly stabalized but his kidney function is in the 24% range (which is a failing grade on any test I can think of) but means that he doesn’t require regular Dyalisis.  His Diabetes is under control only with the help of medication, and his A1C is generally in the 6-7 range, which is boarderline and if it gets any worse will not be able to control it with the meds he’s on.  He’ll have to do insulin injections - this is an ineveitablity.  But he doesn’t test his blood sugar.  

He continues to ignore the dietary recomendations for both his Diabetic and Renal conditions.  He refuses to use his cane.   My father comes out to my house on Tuesdays to spend time with my son.  Mostly he naps in the chair in the living room and we feed him dinner, so at least he’s getting one good meal a week.  But, recenly, over the last three months he’s been falling more.  He shows up to my place with new visible scrapes and bruises every week.  He always wears slacks and a button up shirt, sometimes with a sweater.  So, the visible bruising is on his wrists, hands, and face.  In addition to that he *falls down* in front of me once every two weeks or so.  These falls are not little falls.  He trips, looses his balance and just CRUMPLES into a heap on the floor.  Usually face first.  Often he doesn’t even have time to put his hands out to slow his fall.  

Recently, I suggested we move his recliner so that it was out of the walk-way into his living room.  I have noticed that he often bumps into it or starts to stumble when walking through the narrow walk-way to get into his living room, because it’s in the way.  I suggested we move it to the other side of the coffee table, about 2 feet to the right.  And then, before he could protest, I said that if that meant he was too close to the TV, that we could then swap where his desk and TV sit, which would clear his desk chair out from in front of the entrance to the kitchen - removing another hazard.  

Keep in mind:  I DO THIS FOR A LIVING.  I am a personal organizer and I help reorganize and reorder people’s spaces for better work-life flow.  I am not simply making random suggestions.  I’ve thought about this for a while, and, it was a soft suggestion, not an order or an edict. 

But he flipped the fuck out on me.  He dug deep into the past to pull out some horrible bullshit he *did do me* as a kid and tried to weaponize it like it was shit I did to him.  It was dramatastic and awful, and, in hindsight probably an indication that his blood sugar is way off.  Because he was super irrational and kept saying he was shaking. 

I just get to sucked into his fucking tantrums and bullshit, because of a life-long dynamic of screaming fights and hysteria on his part.  I try.  I really do.  But I never recognize the possible low/high bloodsugar behavior until after the fact.  

[youdajiji]

1. Reunion

Yongsun loved going by her English name - Solar. That was a cool name. Just like herself. She ran a Youtube channel called Solarsido with a few hundred thousands of subscribers, those who liked videos of her experience. Sometimes Yongsun would call for input from me and the other two house mates. But most of the time, my ideas were ignored. 

"Your idea is ok but spending 4 hours working on meditation painting is a bit... too popular, don't you think so? I need something energetic and unique."

Yongsun circled my idea with a Sharpie on an A0-sized paper which was already full of text. Had she not want to let me down, she would have strike through my idea of making meditation painting. 

"Unique?" - Hyejin crawled on the bed speaking up with her husky voice - "It's difficult, unnie. You have done quite a few unique things." 

Hyejin concluded her statement with a yawning. She was the same age as me, and was a real workaholic as except for her main job as a wedding planner, she took on some part time jobs. That's why at home, Hyejin usually appeared lazy - she had used up all her energy at work.

"Recent trend is about doing common stuff, of course with attractive storytelling, I think so."

Byul Yi spoke up next to me. She was the second oldest in the house, yet the most mature and calm. Byul Yi liked it logical, so she wanted to research and back things up before making a statement. I bet she had just spoken up after going through no less than 10 reports about trends.

"If that's the case" - Hyejin rose up from her place with a yoga pose - "How about living a day as Wheeinie? Her life is the most normal among us, right?"

I shot her a glance askew. She must be mocking at me. But Yongsun, on the other hand, found it interesting. She thumbed up at Hyejin.

"DJing a radio program sounds great Hyejin ah. That's quite different from my channel's vibe."

I pouted. Excuse me, who had just "criticized" that my idea lacks of energy?

"But Wheein ah" - Byul Yi glances at me - "Does Yongsun need approval or something?"

I shook my head.

"They are quite easy. You just need to do your job well as I have already settled the script."

"So" - Yongsun's face brightened - "Tomorrow, right?"

"Up to you. I just need to give them a call. Lucky you that I really want a day-off."

I was dreaming of a chilling Friday, relaxing with a cup of mocha and spending time on my ongoing novel which I would never have the chance to get it published. But the dream had been extinguished. Totally.

"No no no" - Yongsun shook her head and grabbed her phone. She had tons of things to do every week so her schedule was full of notes - "I have class tomorrow at the center for the disabled."

I rolled my eyes and let out an exhale while the other three exchanged a laugh at each other.

***

"Long time no see, Wheeinie!"

The director of Pyeong Hwa center for the disabled welcomed me with a happy smile. She spoke to me but her words were followed by sign language.

"Ah, yes. Solar unnie is busy so I will help her out today."

"That's more than awesome." - The director showed me the way - "The members will be so glad to see you again."

Sure. Because I was the one who introduced Yongsun here. I worked as a volunteer here from my freshman year until about 1 year ago - when my job started to keep me busy. Back then, Yongsun was looking for experience for her newly opened channel so I brought her here. It turned out Yongsun liked this place so much that she kept on teaching piano here even though I left the center after that.

And now I was back to the place I used to be so familiar with. The old piano was still there - Yongsun told me that it was the biggest evidence of resilience - and I could recognize some familiat faces who I had taught before. They were all muted - innate or by diseases but that didn't stop their love for music.

"Oh gosh, Soyoonie ah!"

I almost cried when a 15 year old girl ran to hug me. I hugged her back and looked around, people were all smiling and signaling to me, things like:

"Welcome back!"

"I thought you've gone forever."

"Stay for lunch, ok?"

I replied them with smile. And with the sign language they were using, I told them with seriousness.

"Let's focus on today's lesson first!"

I sat down at the piano and played a few notes. The piano sound brought me back to my youthful days when I spent the majority of my time with these people, disabled yet still positive. When I first came here, I - the freshman who was about to go crazy with my workload at university and a hopeless unrequitted crush - only wanted to find a healing place. But things didn't go well at first. I had thought I had the wrong choice as I struggled a lot with communicating with them. Luckily, I got exposed to sign language. And this language, however difficult it might seem, turned out to be so attractive to me. Perhaps I liked the silence in this means of communication - Hah!

The challenging days of learning to understand and getting myself understood gradually passed by and I was finally capable of communicating with sign language to teach them music until the day I left.

 And right at the moment, the person that brought me to sign language was standing at the threshold, smiling brightly.

"Look" - I read the sign from him - "Whee-pup is back!"

Hyojin was only one year older than me but he had been working here since high school - a few years earlier than I did. We were quite close after nearly 5 years working together on multiple activities for the center, from piano to painting and even dancing. As Hyojin was still here, I felt more welcomed coming back, despite being nagged at once we meet.  

"Hey, why do you keep getting thinner everytime I see you?"

Years working here had taught me to get used to Hyojin's nagging. I would be worried if he did not spend a day without nagging about someone or something. 

"Geez, and you are getting chubbier, my Deer!"

Hyojin usually callsed me Pup and I called him Deer - the old Deer. But he was an old man for his nagging; except for that and the chubbier cheeks, the 27-year-old Hyojin was not much different from the 22-year-old Hyojin when we first met. 

I comfortably adjusted my seat on the ergonomic chair in Hyojin's own office - now he was the operation manager at the center, such a prestigious reward for his never-ending contribution - and drink the mocha Hyojin bought at the canteen, along with a bunch of snacks. I bet that was the reason for Hyojin's gaining weight lately.

"If I say that gaining weight is gaining more energy for work, you'll take it as making an excuse." - Hyojin shrugslged and opened a pack of potato chips. Putting a piece into his mouth, Hyojin smiled at me - "But why are you here today? You didn't inform me for a proper welcome."

I stuck out my tongue. That action has two meanings. First, I had totally forgotten informing Hyojin. If I told him that it was due to urgency, he would take it as making an excuse. And second... what kind of welcome? He was just joking. 

"Yongsun unnie is busy. I just help her out on my annual leave."

"So" - Hyojin raised his eyebrows sarcastically - "Had Yongsun noona not been busy, you would never have thought of paying me a visit, right?"

I smiled crookedly at those burning words from Hyojin. Right, if it hadn't been for Hyejin's unconventional idea, I would never thought of coming back here. Busy work, that's the only reason. Also due to a hectic life, I and Hyojin had gradually grown apart, no longer as close-knitted like when we were in the same volunteer team. However, deep down inside, I believed Hyojin still remembers our purpose.

"Do you still remember my goal back then?" - I shook my plastic cup of coffee and the ice cubes inside make cracking sounds. - "About becoming more sociable?"

"Yup" - Hyojin looked serious - "I do. I have been joking so far. We are both making effort right?"

Hey, had I mentioned that we became close because we both had mental problem back then and went to the center for the disabled to widen our network as well as to be more active, more sociable as a cure? After all those time, Hyojin had made much more progress than I did. Not only had he became a manager at the center, but he also learned to become a coach to assist people. I was, meanwhile, at a slower pace. I only opened my heart for a limited number of people and chose to do something that only required my individual effort to refrain from bothering others.  

"So" - My voice trailed off - "I haven't visited you because I am busy working on that and..."

"Come on Whee-pup" - Hyojin interrupted me and leaned over to throw the empty pack of chips to the garbage bin in the corner of the office. - "I did not ask you to explain. I'm happy because you're getting brighter days after days."

Suddenly, Hyojin exclaimed as if he recalled something.

"And by the way, I did listen to your radio."

My eyes widened.

"How come? It's internal radio."

"Ah" - Hyojin scratched his red hair - "The Earth is round. There was your colleague in my coaching class. I asked him if he knew Whee-pup..."

"How come that person knew if you mentioned Pup?"

I pouted. But Hyojin just smiled and corrected himself.

"Ah no, I asked if he knew" - Hyojin intentionally stressed on each word - "MC Jung Wheein. He said that you were very well known in the company. So" - Hyojin shrugged with pride - "As Jung Wheein's close brother, I asked him to share me a sample session of your program."

"And what do you think of it?"

I raised my chin. It just made Hyojin laugh harder as it had been a while I did not ask him anything. I was originally not a decisive person; hence, I tended to ask my close friends for advice and Hyojin was among my top priority for to-go people.

"Surprised  of course." - Hyojin, again, scratched his head. Had I ever mentioned that Hyojin looked best with red hair? - "Because you produce everything. At first I did not believe but your colleague assured me. That is... how to say... quite impressive."

My grin got bigger. But Hyojin did not let my pride last for long as he concluded:

"But perhaps I found it impressive because I have not heard from you for a while, right?"

I stood up and leansled over to his place, grabbed his shoulders and shook as hard as I could.

"Shut up Kim Hyojin! I knew you've been joking around!"

Both of us bursted out laughing. No matter how long we hadn't seen each other, we were goofing around as if we were still in those youthful days 5 years ago!

[keywestlou]

TUCCI, HEMINGWAY AND CLOONEY.....INTERRELATED

http://keywestlou.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/George-Clooney-video-1-1.mp4

Hope you enjoyed the George Clooney video. Lynda Frechette sent it to me. Thank you, Lynda.This portion of the blog will share some interesting items involving Stanley Tucci, Ernest Hemingway and George Clooney.

The three simply are interrelated by Italy.

I begin with Stanley Tucci.

An interesting movie actor. I thought his best performance was in Pravda.

Tucci spent a good portion of the past year filming a TV series involving Italian food. Food prepared and served as only Italy can. He traveled all over Italy enjoying the culinary artistry of the country’s various regions.

The show is titled Searching for Italy. I watched it for the first time last night.

A winner!

Tucci ended the show by having dinner on Lake Maggiore. A special place to enjoy for a vacation, a drink and/or dinner. I did all three more than once.

The Grand Hotel des Iles Borromees sits on the lake’s southern side facing the tiny Borromees islands and the Alps. Everything is the Alps in this part of Italy.

I was fortunate in my travels to visit the area 3-4 times.

In Tucci’s Italian food show last night, he was pictured visiting the Grand. Walking through the first floor itself and outside the back area of the Hotel where he was shown sitting at a small table enjoying a drink.

I was immediately excited. The Hotel was never referred to as the “world famous” Grand. It was, however. I could never forget.

The first time I stopped in for a drink, I initiated a conversation with the bartender. Probably 50. We got into Hemingway. He could see my interest. He called over a thin old man with white hair. The man moved slowly. Another 5 years and I will look like him.

He served Hemingway and Hemingway’s love at the time Agnes Kurwosky. He gave me the “Grand” Hemingway history. He was the bartender back in 1918 when Hemingway visited.

He advised the present bar was not the location of the bar Hemingway sat at. He took me to a small room in the back of he hotel. No bigger than 15′ by 15′. A storage room when I visited. Full of boxes and extra furniture.

The bar itself was gone. The room had only one window. He showed me where Hemingway sat so he could look directly out the window. As we walked he shared some Hemingway stories.

I was in all my glory!

He took me outside in teh back. A huge rolling lawn with an item of greenery here and there. Small white tables and chairs hee and there.

I had 2 drinks the first time. One at theh inside bar, the other outside in the back at a small white table. I imbibed whee Hemingway had done so. In the backyard where for sure, Hemingway first sat. Then Louis. Then Tucci.

It was World War I. Hemingway had joined the Italian ambulance service. The U.S. was not yet in the war. He joined when he was 18. He was seriously injured when 19 by a mortar shell which exploded next to him.

His injuries kept him confined to a hospital for 6 months. His nurse was an American. Agnes von Kurowsky. They fell in love while she cared for him.

Near the end of his convalescence, Hemingway was given a 10 day pass. He and Agnes spent 7 of those days at the Grand Hotel.

Hemingway fictionalized Agnes as Nurse Catherine Barkley inA Farewell to Arms.

Hemingway was 19 at the time. Agnes, 26. Hemingway was desperately in love with Agnes. He thought she with him. He received a Dear John letter when he was back in the States from Agnes who still was in Italy.

The only way to say it was he way it happened. Agnes dumped Hemingway for an Italian Duke or Count who was also a Lieutenant.

History casts Agnes as a status seeker.

The two never met again.

However, they were both in Key West at the same time on several occasions. Historians tell us Agnes knew Hemingway was in town each time. Hemingway did not know Agnes was living in Key West.

Agnes and her husband had moved to Key West in 1951. She worked at the public library for years. Even inadvertently, their paths did not cross.

After Hemingway’s death, his wife Mary came to Key West. She had been advised that a room in Sloppy Joe’s was stored with boxes of Hemingway’s writings, etc. when he left for Cuba.

Mary found many things. Some that turned out to be of significant value.

Among the items she found were Agnes’ letters to Hemingway.

Mary was aware Agnes was living in Key West. She visited Agnes and gave the letters to her. The two became friends and continued to visit.

Agnes left Key West in the 1960s. She told people she left because of the Conch Train. It became too much to hear “Ernie’s girl” lives here as it went by.

George Clooney never had anything to do with Hemingway. Their connection is both lived in Italy a portion of their lives. Hemingway during World War I. Clooney has lived in Italy for many years in a home near Lake Como.

I assume Tucci and Clooney know each other as both are actors.

I live and learn. Today, an impressive fact. More than half of the coastline of the entire U.S. is in Alaska.

Next another day on my First Time in Greece. Camogli again. The Italian Riviera was not hard to take.

DAY 42…..Greece the First Time

Posted on July 8, 2012 by Key West Lou

The honeymoon is over!

I return to Key West tomorrow. Monday, not Tuesday as I thought. Fortunately, Lisa picked up on my error. She Skyped me yesterday to tell me I was going to have missed my plane if I left Tuesday.

On a trip as I have experienced, days of the week and dates get screwed up. Intermingle. Are not important.

As a result of which, a person can miss a return flight home!

My today – Sunday – now changes. No Milan. No Leonardo Da Vinci. Instead rest and packing.

I am in Novara. Drove here from Camogli yesterday afternoon. A two hour drive. Thruways all the way.

Strange traffic for a summer Saturday afternoon. None. Just me and a few other cars.

It is the cost of gas and high road tolls here in Italy.

The other vehicles on the road all passed me at 125 miles per hour. Crazy!

The clothesline saga continues. Eevry town and hamlet I drove by…..there they were! Clothes hanging ouside windows and on front porches. Even here in Novara, a classy city.

Lisa Skyped me in the afterfnoon. Fortunately. Otherwise, I would have missed my plane tomorrow. Got to see and chat with the grandkids and son in law Corey. I could tell I am really missed. A nice feeling.

Last night was another birthday dinner. My Morrocan friend Miriam cooked for me. And several others as well. A dinner party.

We started with a good champagne. During dinner, Beefeater was substituted for me. A thoughtful gesture.

Pickies to begin. Too many to describe. All good.

Then humus. Not the kind you buy in the supermarket and scoop onto a plate. Miriam made the humus from scratrch. Ground the checi beans herself.

The entre was spiedini. Small pieces of beef on a stick. Miriam also prepared some sort of wheat dish mixed with very tiny pieces of tomato and covered with just enough oil.

There was a touch of Lebanese to the meal.

Miriam exceeded herself with the birthday cake. Made by her from scratch, also. A cheesecake covered with blueberries and gelato. Of course on top 77 candles. One big 70 years old one and 7 tiny one year ones.

Everyone sang Happy Birthday! Just like in the U.S.

I was pleased with it all. My special thanks to Miriam.

Today I have to get ready for tomorrow. I will leave Novara about 6 in the morning. I have a one hour drive to the Milan airport. Then many hours in the air till I set down in Key West just after 9 in the evening.

Enjoy your Sunday!

                                          TUCCI, HEMINGWAY AND CLOONEY…..INTERRELATED was originally published on Key West Lou

[shayfan]

Making Our Way to Mammoth

This post was actually meant for yesterday, but the Internet here is slow.

About two weeks ago the husband messaged me out of the blue.

“Do you want to take a road trip over Memorial Day to Mammoth?”

I wish I could say that I immediately jumped upon this idea with gusto and the same fervent excitement I would have displayed pre-Tofu. Unfortunately, in this new post-Tofu world, lately my first immediate thought to anything that could throw off her routine is: “how much is this going to mess with her sleep...and my sleep?”

I really, really need sleep.

More so than I thought I did. But let me just say that nobody can appreciate the joy of sleep after losing it for six months of their life. Straight.

At any rate, after some hemming and hawing we decided to take the plunge. After all, one of the things we loved to do pre-Tofu was to take trips together. While it would take a lot more organizing and the pace would be much different, at the very least we wanted to not limit ourselves.

We originally had grand plans to wake up before the crack of dawn, gently lift and transfer her to her car seat, and then let her slumber peacefully while we knocked out the first two hours of the drive. Then stop for breakfast, drive a bit more, take a break, and BOOM arrive.

Yeah. That did not happen.

We ended up waking up early ourselves, but then after she woke up we realized we hadn’t fully packed. When all was said and done (after a much needed coffee and appeasing the toddler with a waffle - yes yes, we’re terrible parents that gave her processed sugar), we finally got out on the road at 7:30am.

The good thing about her waking up early and not napping very much the day before was that she basically fell asleep the first hour and a half. She ended up waking up just in time for us to arrive in the Mojave Desert around 9:30am and we decided to stop for second breakfast (seriously, toddlers eat like hobbits...hangry hobbits) at Denny’s where, luckily, she pooped.

I can’t believe that I would ever have considered myself lucky depending on the perfect timing of another human’s bowel movements but ... there you have it. For all the parents out there, it’s a big win. For others, I’m sure it’s just plain weird. 

It is pretty ridiculous. 

At any rate, we were making good time and for the next two hours she stayed awake (no car sickness throw ups, hooray). 

I have to say, I’ve always appreciated how beautiful the Sierra Nevada is, but it had been a while since I had seen it. Moving from the Mojave to the sweeping mountains along the horizon really made me appreciate how lucky we are to live in California.

As we got closer to the small town of Lone Pine, we decided it would be best to take another stop. We did the typical search online and decided to go to Alabama Hill Cafe.

So, here’s the thing about me ... I can be pretty careless. Luckily, it’s usually with something small or inconsequential.

Nevertheless, the small and inconsequential mistake I made this time meant a 30 minute additional detour. 

The positive thing out of this is at least we got to do a driving tour of Alabama Hills, which we learned was actually a thing. According to the trusted source Wikipedia, it’s a range of hills and rock formations near the eastern slope of the Sierra Nevada in the Owens Valley.

Neat.

When I asked Tofu if she was interested in climbing the rocks I think her response was a curt “No.” Then again, it’s usually no. 

Followed by “no no no no nooooooo.”

We finally managed to get to the cafe where Tofu quickly pointed out everything she wanted to eat.

After some more wandering around,  the other highlight of her trip was... a laundromat.

Our kid doesn’t get out much, clearly.

We piled back into the car where Tofu promptly fell asleep again. This time she passed out for only 40 minutes and fortuitously managed to wake up when we reached Bishop, one of the main stopovers on the way to Mammoth.

I think there must be some special toddler radar because she managed to time it perfectly to where we were just a few streets away from a playground.

We spent a better part of two hours letting her swing.

We literally do the same thing at home. 

I do have to say, Bishop is pretty lovely and it was great to stop with a toddler - and I imagine any kids, really.

We also stopped by Schat’s Bakery, which everybody and their second cousin told us to visit.

The vintage little coin operated cars and horses were a big hit. Even better? She enjoyed it even without me spending a coin.

The good news is that we were only 30 minutes away from our final destination. When we arrived and checked in the hours from 5pm to 8pm seemed to blend and meld together. Somehow, miraculously, we got her fed, bathed, and in bed by bedtime. Even though she had a hard time adjusting to a new place (understandable and typical) she is now soundly asleep.

And I will be too. 

But first, my reward.

All in all, some thoughts on our first *official* road trip vacation as a family (minus the dog):

It’s not an exaggeration when people say that  a road trip with a toddler is basically more than double what you’d do on your own or with other fully functioning adults. Instead of the 4 hour drive, it ended up being a 10 hour trip. Whee!

I had no idea two well-timed poops would make me feel so relieved (and irrationally proud)

Even though the road trip was tiring and all we did was sit there, it was really nice to see her reaction even to silly things like a laundromat or doing things we’d normally do like going to a playground. Yes, that cliche is right: it’s about the journey, not the destination.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings!