#VentArt

[ronkeyroo]

TEARING THE DICHOTOMY

[vacant2007]

[pitchcanker]

THE SEVENTH CIRCLE OF HELL: VIOLENCE

[nemugyo]

that birthday

[vyrosk]

|Fade|

[victim4life]

[turkitty5]

★

[natsunenuko]

TW // mental issues, mental absue, harassment, surgery/blood

I'm sorry this one is so long, but please carry on reading. It's a chance for me to not only speak about the situation but let out some steam too. It is unfortunate this announcement comes at the same time the flood occurs on the south of my home country (Poland) and I'm in the endangered zone, luckily so far safe, as I feel my head can't handle more stress.

It's been so long since I've been this personal online. I realized how I didn't feel the urge to vent for 3-4 years by now which is a sign of improving mental health. But my healing is still a process, and I'm afraid it's too hard to carry this rock alone at this point. I fought my thoughts if I should do this and I think just as deeply as I write right now. Yet, I know it's better late than never and I thank deeply my friends for helping me out recently as well as in the past in my lowest. I wholeheartedly owe my life to you.

I couldn't ask for better friends. As years verified, even long lasting relationships might be nothing but a mask and I had to learn the hard way. I ended a friendship of 13 years at the time over a misunderstanding. Other person I put my trust on was nothing but a groomer with morally corrupted sexual tendencies who would take advange of a group of minors while being the only adult among them, yet acting like a person much younger than all of them and pressuring all their mental issues on children instead of seeking help. The latter, I might speak of more in detail when I'm ready.

Long time ago I tried calling out for help but back then, the intrusive thoughts won; "Others have it worse, just work harder.", "No one will give you anything for free, no one will care.", "What people will think of you?". and I would only speak about these things in a closed circle of my friends.

I tried my best in silence by not giving up on my creative passion, working restlessly for years, improving. Hoping I could reach the point I can sustain myself purely on what I make.

But the problem is not being self-sufficient. And it's not about my art...

All of my life it has been me, my momma and my granny. The other two important figures weren't there for us, by choice. (which is hard to say if losing someone you loved is worse than not being cared for in the first place) My rather young self at the time didn't put much thought about it as I didn't understand it but something always felt wrong; my only issues at the time was being "that weird, quiet kid with little to no friends". But despite the hardships, my momma has always been my hero, working without a time for a break or rest so we could live happily, to afford something special from time to time.

However in 2014 my momma has been hospitalised and almost lost her life to wrongly treated ovarian cyst (cyst rapture), with enough blood loss to require emergency surgery...

From that point on things went downhill and the result of that we feel to this very day. To stay afloat we fell into a severe dept. (We didn't have any savings, could only rely on borrowing money or loans) And since I was a child as all of this happened, I've only learned about it all throughfully as I entered adulthood, so I wouldn't need to worry about anything and "just be a kid". Which I really understand, but it doesn't make it easier to handle.

And by now, for several years I keep on trying to earn money, so I could free my momma from this chain and let her live, not survive. I always wanted to get through this quietly, because I never, ever wanted to burden anyone with my home problems. But it grew to a point I might need to grab anything to climb towards the light

The goal is $10 000... which is scarily large number.

I list all the options but Kofi is preferred to keep track of the funds!

My commissions are HERE! (the sheet will receive a slight update in upcoming days) My Kofi is HERE! (Level 4 Tea is free headshot drawing every month!) HERE's other services I do (adopts, brushes, etc) I plan to do paid requests for my friday streams on occasion! Anything else I come up with I hope to include in here! Every person who donates will be part of "Thank you" list where I hope to shoutout everybody, cause every penny matters. I want this situation to end...

[h4rdt0expl4in]

[reid-burch]

Tonight's sketch feels like a good first post.

[ronkeyroo]

I'll 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 through concrete Past the dirt and through the cracks There will be 𝙣𝙤 surface that keeps me down

[magentasnail]

I was just trying to finally sort my laundry and was hit with a debilitating wave of existential thoughts about life and the world, sorry laundry, maybe next time

sorry for the unusual weird art, just trying to be expressive, and part of being expressive is posting it apparently

[traumatizeddfox]

[vyrosk]

|Anhelus| I

[victim4life]

[veilantares]

Assigned Shard At Emergence ///// RED DREAD AGONY

The Red Dread is me, obviously, in Agony.

Here's something as an expression of a specific mood or feeling, and not quite as an expression of technical ability or my love of patterns. It was important to break out of making this look too good, because there is an intended message here, maybe even only to myself.

I think the message is pretty obvious here. Hate being assigned shard at emergence, compliments about being a good shard feel like an insult to me. I'm literally exploding every moment I'm unseen, bloodboilingly livid. But I don't want to be lashing out at anyone, they don't deserve this. How do I talk about this without pulling the pin in my neck and transforming into a million whirling swords? Is just having the text right there saying it too on point? Is this a conversation or am I just screaming? Silence. These are for me to answer.

A comic would have said this better, but I don't want a dozen panels to lead up to this, it had to be striking and immediate.

For this piece it was pretty important that the figure capture me as I currently actually am, more closely than usual. It's not like the usual me I draw myself as is a lie, but it's certainly quite idealised... though maybe this one still is anyway. In reality someone told me I look like a refridgerator once, which I think is true, and I think this gets that across. That impression is great if you're a shard and want to look strong, but I can't recover from this.

The notes I had while making this were that my eyes are deep set, when I'm not speaking I have an incredible glare, my teeth are viciously sharp, my jaw is like an anvil and I'm as large as an ox. Fairly uncharitable, but somehow still insightful, maybe it helps me be at peace a little that I can put it to "paper".

I was at a loss for a while at what the next piece should be. It feels like this is a breakthrough as far as experiments goes. It's different and the same. Maybe I should stop talking