#VOTE JON

[jonahmagnus]

VOTE JON, THE MOST DOOMED MAN IN THE WORLD IN THE DOOMED-BY-THE-NARRITIVE POLL

[pinkelotjeart]

Massive tma spoilers, like BIG SPOILERS

Jon literally got manipulated into accidentally ending the world, then his boyfriend had to kill him to save it. (Oversimplification) he is THE doomed by the narrative guy to have ever. I’m sorry but Prim can not compete with that.

Doomed by the Narrative: Side A - Round 1

[annabelle--cane]

was going to make a joke about how jon in theory is a leftist and objectively believes in "power to the people" and all that but fundamentally he simply finds people at large to be dumb and annoying and every time someone disagrees with his opinion in a way that ticks him off he briefly becomes 100% supportive of complete authoritarianism, ideally with himself as the dictator of the known universe, and then I remembered that wouldn't actually be a joke because he did canonically do exactly that.

[the-bat-bros]

Some of the DC end of the year superlatives are wild and I adore it

Anyways, go vote here loves:

[zestyonion]

guess who remembered to do propaganda this time <— 11pm

MAJOR TMA SPOILERS BELOW

i know i mentioned this last time but just the whole season four avatar thing!! hes going out and forcing people to relive their trauma without anyone, including the listener, knowing, and by the time we do find out, he’s already too reliant on it to stop

jon is also really good at making it seem like hes totally okay (his lack of self preservation is kind of a talent), to the point where when it comes through that he isnt, it feels out of nowhere at first. this starts in season one, when he has his whole skeptic act going, but its really most obvious in the later seasons. MAG 200 oh my god. 199 ends with his plan of becoming god being outvoted, and he seemingly accepts this and yes, while his silence feels a bit odd, you dont really think anything of it. jon and basira have a small talk, and the episode ends rather calmly for what it is. and then 200 opens with JON HAVING CARRIED OUT HIS PLAN ANYWAY, once again without telling anyone, and once again managing to fool at least some of the listeners in the process (or im just extremely gullible which isnt wrong)

SEASON TWO hes paranoid and skeptical of everyone—i had a feeling elias killed gertrude from the start, but this idiot stupid man almost managed to convince me that it was once of the archival staff

also jon being one of our primary sources of outside information in s5 due to the fact that he knows. everything. and as much as i love this guy never can you 100% trust what he says because hes so good at hiding information even if its subconsciously

jon’s also a) stupid enough to be unreliable even when he isnt trying to be (the table) and b) the voice of every statement giver, who are all unreliable narrators (and he gets really into it too)

REVIVED UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SIDE C

NOTE; This is a revival round. These narrators are not fighting due to being dead

[deadpresidents]

On the cliffs of Normandy, in a small holding area, the President of the United States was looking out at the English Channel. It was only six weeks ago, on the 80th anniversary of the D-Day landings, and President Biden had just finished his remarks at the American cemetery atop Omaha Beach. Guests had been congratulating him on the speech, but he didn't want to talk about himself. The moment was not about him; it was about the men who had fought and died there. "Today feels so large," he told me. "This may sound strange -- and I don't mean it to -- but when I was out there, I felt the honor of it, the sanctity of it. To speak for the American people, to speak over those graves, it's a profound thing." He turned from the view over the beaches and gestured back toward the war dead. "You want to do right by them, by the country."

Mr. Biden has spent a lifetime trying to do right by the nation, and he did so in the most epic of ways when he chose to end his campaign for re-election. His decision is one of the most remarkable acts of leadership in our history, an act of self-sacrifice that places him in the company of George Washington who also stepped away from the presidency. To put something ahead of one's immediate desires -- to give, rather than to try to take -- is perhaps the most difficult thing for any human being to do. And Mr. Biden has done just that.

To be clear: Mr. Biden is my friend, and it has been a privilege to help him when I can. Not because I am a Democrat -- I belong to neither party and have voted for both Democrats and Republicans -- but because I believe him to be a defender of the Constitution and a public servant of honor and of grace at a time when extreme forces threaten the nation. I do not agree with everything he has done or wanted to do in terms of policy. But I know him to be a good man, a patriot and a president who has met challenges all too similar to those Abraham Lincoln faced. Here is the story I believe history will tell of Joe Biden. With American democracy in an hour of maximum danger in Donald Trump's presidency, Mr. Biden stepped in the breach. He staved off an authoritarian threat at home, rallied the world against autocrats abroad, laid the foundations for decades of prosperity, managed the end of a once-in-a-century pandemic, successfully legislated on vital issues of climate and infrastructure and has conducted a presidency worthy of the greatest of his predecessors. History and fate brought him to the pinnacle in a late season in his life, and in the end, he respected fate -- and he respected the American people.

It is, of course, an incredibly difficult moment. Highs and lows, victories and defeats, joy and pain: It has been ever thus for Mr. Biden. In the distant autumn of 1972, he experienced the most exhilarating of hours -- election to the United States Senate at the age of 29. He was no scion; he earned it. The darkness fell: His wife and daughter were killed in an automobile accident that seriously injured his two sons, Beau and Hunter. But he endured, found purpose in the pain, became deeper, wiser, more empathetic. Through the decades, two presidential campaigns imploded, and in 2015 his son Beau, a lawyer and wonderfully promising young political figure, died of brain cancer after serving in Iraq.

Such tragedy would have broken many lesser men. Mr. Biden, however, never gave up, never gave in, never surrendered the hope that a fallen, frail and fallible world could be made better, stronger and more whole if people could summon just enough goodness and enough courage to build rather than tear down. Character, as the Greeks first taught us, is destiny, and Mr. Biden's character is both a mirror and a maker of his nation's. Like Franklin Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan, he is optimistic, resilient and kind, a steward of American greatness, a love of the great game of politics and, at heart, a hopeless romantic about the country that has given him so much.

Nothing bears out this point as well as his decision to let history happen in the 2024 election. Not matter how much people say that this was inevitable after the debate in Atlanta last month, there was nothing foreordained about an American President ending his political career for the sake of his country and his party. By surrendering the possibility of enduring in the seat of ultimate power, Mr. Biden has taught us a landmark lesson in patriotism, humility and wisdom.

Now the question comes to the rest of us. What will we the people do? We face the most significant of choices. Mr. Roosevelt framed the war whose dead Mr. Biden commemorated at Normandy in June as a battle between democracy and dictatorship. It is not too much to say that we, too, have what Mr. Roosevelt called a "rendezvous with destiny" at home and abroad. Mr. Biden has put country above self, the Constitution above personal ambition, the future of democracy above temporal gain. It is up to us to follow his lead.

-- "Joe Biden, My Friend and an American Hero" by Jon Meacham, New York Times, July 22, 2024.

[potato-lord-but-not]

Potatolord Blorbo Tournament

IF YOU CARED ABOUT ME YOU’D VOTE FORD PLEASE

[soberscientistlife]

[4mrspider]

PLEASE VOTE JON

LEFT BRACKET ROUND 2

[jonsnowunemploymentera]

Am I the Asshole for correcting a child by letting him know that since his family members were criminals, they deserved to die?

I (36M) work for the government and recently went on a long work trip. While there, I met a new coworker (16M). Let’s call him Jon. We immediately hit it off and started talking about work and stuff. Since his family has a long history of government work and I even knew his dad, we began talking about some of the recent political events that have impacted his family a lot. To make a long story short, his dad was supposedly involved in a coup to oust the king and was later beheaded in front of a lot of people. His brother got super mad about that and tried to rebel, but he also died at a wedding hosted by some allies of his. This is where I might have been the asshole. I told Jon that his brother was a criminal by rebelling against the crown and so he deserved to die. I even said that his dad was overrated, and I didn’t care for him much. The mood immediately shifted after this and while he didn’t really react much outwardly, our conversation became very curt. It’s almost like he stopped liking me at that very moment. I really wasn’t trying to hurt his feelings on purpose. He’s a hardworking kid and I even offered him an internship because I believe that he can go really far. But he ended up rejecting my offer, quite rudely if I may add, and our conversations aren’t as warm as they were before this. I don’t have the best social cues so I’m afraid that I may have accidentally hurt his feelings. I want to talk to him more normally but don’t really know how. However, I did stress in that moment that I don’t actually hate his family members and was just talking about the technicality of the law. So AITA?

[zestyonion]

ONCE AGAIN ASKING YOU TO VOTE JONATHAN SIMS

Ill write propaganda when i have time

REVIVED UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SIDE C

NOTE; This is a revival round. These narrators are not fighting due to being dead

[lenbryant]

Look it up.

[toms-topic]

My friend and I were joking and tldr they're in an internet washing machine

(Hunt and Slaughter are not included bc I didn't feel like they fit as well as the others and I am limited to 12)

(My friend is like 6'1 the only way to get a proper wash on a person that tall is to put them in the bed sheet cycle)