#Unsure if that's a common issue but worth mentioning

[knockknockitsnickels]

✨️she✨️ has arrived

[myun-saidthoughts]

Reasons Why Water House Synastry Is Karmic and Intense:

In this post, I want to address some reasons why water house (4th, 8th, and 12th) synastry can be very intense, very transformational and why it creates/increases codependency.

(the basis of this thread is the fact that there is attraction and desire within the romantic connection, and the depth of feeling will run more true if you share multiple other intense synastry aspects/past life connections. Friendships/family relations that have heavy 8th/12th house synastry overlays manifest *very* differently)

Each water house has one common factor, and that's with these type of synastry overlays; you will feel seen or accepted. In some way, some form, the severity of it depends (as usual), but

if you struggle with:

4TH House:

Showing your true character to others without the fear of being judged.

Sharing your inner thoughts to others with ease and safeness.

The fact that you never felt/had a safe home, so now you long for that feeling (of being at ease/comfortable with someones presence).

Feeling ease and comfortability within your environment or within yourself, instead you experienced that those feelings came at a cost.

Feeling secure when you're meeting others/being open to others.

Stating your inner thoughts or feelings outwardly and confidently.

Trusting others.

8TH House: If you struggle with:

Self acceptance.

Self worth.

Self love.

Self confidence.

Accepting/receiving love.

Having low respect for yourself (meaning how others treat you may be hurtful but because of lack of validation within, you allow or accept that behavior).

Having a pattern where the way others treat you either gives or takes away validation your inner wounds need.

Deeply craving emotional closeness yet fearing it at the same time.

Allowing yourself to desire love.

The fact you're emotionally unavailable; so you're unsure with how to deal with romance, and yet a part of you still deeply desires a partner.

These also may resonate if you have 8H Placements, Pluto aspecting inner planets/Scorpio placements.

12TH House: If you struggle with:

Emotionally availability/allowing someone to see you, all of you.

Receiving tangible, stable, harmonious, love.

Having a habit to/find it easier to fix or save someone in hopes of changing their self destructive habits or mental health issues. This type of tendency creates an avoidance within yourself especially if you don't focus on your own needs or problems. (it's easier to focus on someone else's pain rather than your own)

Feeling safe with the idea of not being needed, instead you choose to be the giver or other woman since it subconsciously keeps you at a distance of being openly loved (which is something you subconsciously fear)

Holding the deep desire to feel seen past the physical 3D.

Allowing yourself to receive the type of love you're able to give/shower another.

Wanting to fix or heal someone's mental health wounds or problems, you find it safer to be their savior rather than have a true give and take partnership.

(These also may resonate if you have 12H, Neptune aspecting inner planets/Pisces placements)

These are a few examples of how intense these synastry overlays may manifest if you are struggling with the above statements. I briefly mentioned a few indicators, needless to say they are more and each synastry chart or even natal chart will always paint the picture better of how deep these relationships can manifest.

then 4th, 8th, and 12th house synastry will cause internal shift within, whether you want it to or not.

4th House: With the 4th house and when someone walks into your life and they ignite your IC, the part of your character that you readily hide becomes unlocked. If you personally have struggled with being comfortable in your skin, or have struggled with feeling secure with who you are as you are, then this person to you will feel like a comfort blanket. Their presence will shift you into a mood where all you feel is safe, present, and in the moment. With them, you will feel complete in showcasing your inner world and your inner thoughts. Their presence will become this key that you didn't even knew you need. It'll feel easy with them, and there is no hesitation, confusion or worry. You can't feel worry, and it's not because they insistently tell you not to feel anxious, you just naturally won't. You guys will likely share the same humor or communication style, and if there is a Venus conjunct IC then the IC person will feel this romantic pull with showcasing their personality outwardly that they won't be able to shake towards the Venus person. Overall these feelings are especially true if you struggle with letting someone in, if it takes some time for you to allow someone else to see your personality or thoughts, then they will feel like a cure for allowing to let that side of you out and when you're next to them; you'll feel like you're finally home.

Example: you walk into a bar and they make eye contact with you, you instantly smile, they instantly smile, and the conversation that ignites feels as if you just spoke to them. It could be weeks, months even since you last saw them but the comfortability between the two of you oozes out in a way where it feels like they just came back home to you. (especially if you share heavy 3H synastry overlays as well or if their mercury softly aspects your inner planets, vice versa)

The reason why this type of connection can be hard to let go of is because their presence might cause or create a codependent need in you for them in order to feel "safe." All their presence is doing is igniting the secure feeling in you that you wish you had, you finally can look into another's eyes and feel that type of comfortability you've always been scared enough to unlock or accept. Your private thoughts and characteristics feel safe next to them, and because of that, they create this security within you won't know how to let go of. So, all they are doing is unleashing your wish of being your truest self without fearing the consequences of being seen for who you are.

In some cases, 4th house synastry may not run as intense, and some say it can be 'mundane' or boring, especially if you don't struggle with the listed wounds I stated, or if you don't share other intense or cute attraction synastry aspects with them; but in essence this individual will feel like a grounding force.

The bond you can form with them is tangible, it's secure, and it feels real. So, letting them go will feel as though you're letting go the one desire of ever revealing your private inner self with ease, especially if this is a part of you that you've been too afraid to openly show or even accept.

Songs That Relate

Look After You - The Fray

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

Control - Zoe Wees

Hey Stranger - Billie Flynn

8th House: With the 8th house, these type of connections are more intense, and naturally so. With this type of synastry, and if you struggle with self acceptance especially with self love or self worth, then letting go of this connection will feel near to impossible. It will feel like life or death if they walk away from you, and it will feel like a part of you dies every time they don't give you the reassurance or acknowledgment your soul wishes for. Their eyes alone, tell you it's time to let that wall down and without effort your wall crumbles. You know that if they leave, a part of you will leave with them but if your wound of wishing to be accepted runs so deep within, you can't help but take that risk. You're aware that the unavoidable low following their absence will cut deep, yet instead of walking away, you prepare yourself for its inevitable arrival.

You allow that pain to embody you because that pain hurts less than not feeling those moments of acceptance that they are able to give you, especially if it's what you've always reluctantly wished for.

With their presence that void of wanting emotional closeness that you've always longed for will feel like it has vanished, their eyes alleviate the long-ignored half-empty feeling, and so the part of you that wishes to been seen, the part of you that wishes to feel accepted, the part of you that wants to be vulnerable won't know how to let go.

You could run into them and it could be weeks, months even and if you still struggle with loving yourself in the way you wish they would, their presence will create this upheaval that will shake within you, this synastry holds cycles, loops, ups and down to the point of where if you don't hate them, a part of you will still want them.

This synastry creates a dynamic where this soul that entered your life is only igniting the parts of you that you, yourself don't accept, love or acknowledge. Their presence becomes this band-aid that somehow soothes the deepest parts of you that have been abandoned, and their presence soothes the part of you that you yourself believe you can't heal. This fear then creates a scarcity mindset that can cause you to become someone you're not, and even if you logically know what is objectively best to do in situations to not create more intensity within the connection; there's just a part of you that can't care.

The reason why this type of connection can be hard to let go of is because their presence might cause or create a codependent need in you to have them in order to feel "seen." Their presence gives you a sense of acceptance where you allow yourself to accept love in. If you struggle with emotional abandonment, or fear love, then their presence will feel like a "skip the line" pass with inner healing the parts of you that feel broken.

The reason why 8th house synastry is discussed so promptly and openly is because these feelings that persist (when dealing with inner wounds) become such catalysts of growth and ego deaths; but that is only because this connection allows in the hope for love you've been wishing for all your life. You want to be held, you want to be cared for and loved in a way that you've never received, and this person presences grants that sole wish. They bring you that one solace feeling that you've never felt and because of that, letting them go is letting go the one key that makes you feel worthy, seen, and accepted.

Their presence creates this codependent need within because they become this one "thing" that you think you need in order to fulfill that self love wound you keep repressing. You'll start to rely on them for emotional clarity or serenity, you'll start to "need them" in order to feel good, and you'll expect them to make you feel "better" emotionally and if they fail to meet those expectations, all you'd be faced with is the unwavering feeling of the lack of self love or worth you're too afraid to self develop.

The love you're so readily able to give them, is what your soul is asking you to give yourself.

*Those who have prominent natal Scorpio or 8th house placements as well as having Pluto aspecting harshly their inner planets or ascendant will feel these trials and errors more*

Songs That Relate:

Locksmith/You Don't - Sadie Jean

Addicted - Kelly Clarkson

Im Yours/Heartbeat - Isabel LaRose

Just a Little Bit of Your Heart - Ariana Grand

Heavenly - Cigarettes After Sex

Is There Somewhere - Halsey

12th house:

This post focuses exclusively on a 12th house relationship between two kind and evolved individuals. While there are other darker themes associated with 12th house synastry — such as deception, substance abuse, hidden affairs (like being the other woman or mistress), lies about one partner’s true nature, or fear that one partner is withholding information or their true self — I won’t be discussing those here. I might explore those themes in a future post, as they are important to note, but for now, my main focus will not include those themes.

“Though I barely know you, it feels as if I do. Your eyes and body language seem to speak your thoughts, even the ones I can’t fully grasp. There’s no visible thread connecting us, yet this feeling remains.” — Planet Person

With the 12th house, this synastry unlocks so many different routes and experiences. Many factors influence how each individual can feel towards this ethereal connection. One way this synastry can manifest is through the tendency for the 12th house to cloud, confuse, and bring hesitancy into the connection. In some cases, Person A (or the person who has heavy Neptune/Pisces/12th house placements) will feel as though they can read Person B in such a deep and subconscious way; this type of knowing may even be hidden from Person B to the extent that they are unaware of their own subconscious emotional needs, thoughts or feelings, and yet (especially if there's care or desire on their end) Person A can read Person B like a book. 12th house synastry can be so thought provoking because of the absolute depth and surreal feeling it can add into the connection. The planet person (or the person who has heavy Neptune/Pisces/12th house placements) will feel this innate drive to be with the house person (or the other partner who isn't as spiritual adept). It's as if one partner, driven by an innate need to give endlessly, is profusely tossing their sole bucket of water into the vast ocean of the other partner's needs. The giver (or the person who has heavy Neptune/Pisces/12th house placements) is so focused on giving that they overlook the importance of receiving, while the receiver remains oblivious.

If Person B remains unaware of the deep spiritual bond between them that can manifest, they may perceive Person A's actions as invasive or unnecessary. Person A, recognizing wounds in Person B that Person B may not be aware of can evoke a sense of fear in Person B, this has to deal with the issue of them not allowing or accepting a form of love that they believe (Person B) doesn't serve them.

If this scenario resonates with you, then this individual is provoking a wound within yourself that deals with the acceptance of receiving authentic love. This innate need to only give highlights your own fear of receiving real reciprocal, stable, tangible love.

In this scenario where one party wants to save, fix, heal or give, highlights that fearful nature within you where you allow to stay in shallow waters. You subconsciously know that you have such passionate love to give, but that thought of giving to someone who in turn might be willing to give back evokes fear and uncertainty within you.

This subconscious block holds more comfortability within you since it allows you to never accept a love where your soul will fully be fulfilled. It's self sabotaging and self written, you naturally already know how the story will end between you two, and so you subconsciously will find a character who perfectly embodies the story you yourself say you try to run from.

On the other hand this synastry (when desired and when it's dealing with highly evolved individuals) can unlock such deep soulfulness between both partners. Between the two parties, it'll feel as if they have found someone that can finally understand them better than anyone ever has, it'll feel dreamy and mystical. It'll feel as if their body language writes stories that you could only read.

In a pure sense, one partner that desires the other very deeply and whole heartedly wants to make sure that their partner is seen, and understood. And this comes from a very sincere place and if the other receiving partner allows that kind of love in while being okay with giving that same love back, that is when this type of connection can be ideal.

Now in this scenario, this type of codependent nature deals with over emphasizing redemption with no boundaries. If there is solid exchangeable love, a part of you may believe there is always more good than bad within them or within the relationship, and so their wrongdoings or unacceptable behavior to you or to others somehow receives justification or more understanding than he or she should receive. (especially if you also share 8th house synastry with them). As well as it's important to understand that if there is this innate understanding given by one partner that's always present when there shouldn't be, that's when the relationship can become overwhelming, or draining. Just because you know, understand or empathize with the other partner's actions or patterns doesn't make their actions okay.

This type of dynamic receives interchanging parts, with the 12th house things can lack a solid foundation and have a lack crystal clear communication, some days you both won't deal with struggling dynamics, then one day Partner 1 acts out, to which Partner 2 cuirasses and holds, then a few weeks later Partner 2 acts out and Partner 1 comes to their aid.

Truly the amount of stories, experiences, how Person 1 will feel vs Person 2 is genuinely so intercomplicated and nuanced. Each story lies within the two parties involved, with this house they are just so many different routes and avenues it can uphold, so this particular post may not cover every ounce of information on 12th house synastry. If you are curious to learn more only about this synastry I have a long updated post titled "Understanding 12th House Synastry" and it's far more in-depth (click the text).

In essence, how the other partner receives this type of boundless understanding calls for them to be a very kind and open individual. It's important to understand and recognize red flags or self undoing patterns. Staying aware of the actual real situation instead of sitting in bed thinking of the "What if's" are key. Their posts may not be about you, that song on their story can be just a song, remember that. Especially if the individual lacks self awareness or care on their end.

Finally, I don't believe water house synastry holds malicious energy or serves as a dictatorship with stating how the relationship will fail. Not every synastry overlay is set for such intense energy or uncomfortable experiences, each planet in a natal chart holds different themes. What truly matters at the end of the day are the two souls involved within the connection. Desire, care, love, and acceptance are all foundational keys for any relationship to last even those with or without water house synastry. Accepting yourself in the purest form when it comes each water house theme (4,8,12) is key.

Your natal chart when it comes to synastry serves as a mirror within yourself, everything you are feeling for someone else is already sitting within you.

Don't forget that.

[is-the-post-reliable]

It kind of annoys me that the magnification effect in the magnifying glass is wrong. With a magnifying glass perpendicular to your line of sight, the things behind it should move further away from the center I think (I haven't fact checked this, and don't have one on me, but I have used them in the past and that should be what making the thing in the circle larger does from a maths perspective), not closer to the center, even though it makes it more visible. I think you could fix this by making the magnifying glass tilted (because moving the post might make it not visible or properly centered), but I'm unsure of the angles necessary or even if that actually would work. This isn't a major issue, and I won't be upset if you keep it, it's just something I wanted to say in case you feel like it is worth fixing.

I was really confused why you were explaining this to me, before I realised that I probably never mentioned that I studied optometry at uni, and therefore very much understand how lenses work. As much as I enjoy some accurate physics, I took some creative licence with this to make it more aesthetically pleasing.

That being said, if the lens is in motion, and is being moved to the viewer's right, then because this is a plus lens, the image will move in the opposite direction of the lens, creating the effect shown in the icon. This is used in hand neutralisation the measure the prescription or power of a lens. You can read more about this here

I'm not sure, but I suspect what you're referencing may be barrel distortion? Which is common in spherical lenses with a high plus. That being said, I did actually include some barrel distortion if you look closely, as the left edge of the post is to the left of the optical centre, and curves in the same way barrel distortion would.

[vechter]

dickroy<333333333333333

i loooove that this was the most common one. brand recognition or sth <3

what made you ship it?

the first comic i read was outsiders 2003; there really was no saving me from being a dickroy truther. we were meant to be <3

what are your favourite things about this ship?

oh man where do i even begin. every interaction they have in nightwing: old friends/new enemies. the kind of faith roy must have in dick to ask for only his help in getting lian. how dick was the one to formally introduce lian to roy! he held her even before roy. all the times roy can't keep dick off of his mind. the number of times dick is mentioned in roy's narration in the arsenal mini. the way dick tells ollie, "we thought we'd come help get our boy out" in ga #49 when drakon captures him. how roy formed the outsiders for dick, despite his own grief about donna. how roy didn't want to take over the leadership of the titans because it meant sticking it to dick but he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. how dick said he doesn't need to be the one to mentor the teen titans bc there's already another qualified candidate in tt v2 #16 and how he was looking at roy while saying it. how roy never lets his inferiority complex about dick hold him back from calling dick out on his bullshit. how dick was there for roy when ollie died and ollie himself acknowledges it. that gorgeous moment in titans for hire: why won't you give up on me? because there's still someone inside you worth saving.

the weight of all that history, the ease of having fought side by side since you were kids. what being wards-turned-sons of super rich guys who dress up in costumes to fight crime does to you. roy's abandonment issues warring with dick's desire to be a safety net for the people he loves + dick's fear of being batman warring with roy's unparalleled ability to get dick out of his own head.

sometimes, being offered tenderness feels like the very proof you've been ruined. so, you hurt each other with your words and your fists. so, you hold a gun to his head because three months ago, i would've never been able to draw it on you. i love you. don't leave me.

is there an unpopular opinion you have on this ship?

i don't think so. i guess the one thing that i rlly like to believe in, which will never rlly happen in canon: they were definitely fucking around as kids. before jade and kory (unsure about the donna of it all but who am i to try and put dc's timelines in order). probably the first boy that roy kissed. definitely the first boy that dick kissed. joyrides, listening to old rock, sneaking into 18+ concerts. and then life, as it usually does for them, got in the way. but the thing about love? it persists. right person, wrong time.

[rosie-kairi]

Ventus Character Analysis based entirely off of the 10 or so pages he exists for in the KHX novel.

A couple months ago I made a post regarding a small passage from the KHX novel that had caught my attention because of how it established a bit of character for Ventus in such a short paragraph. Now, I’ve decided to comb through the rest of the section he appears in to see if I can find anything else worth talking about character-wise, and take up the challenge of writing my first ever character analysis essay for something non-school related. Lord have mercy on my soul please, I swear I’m trying my hardest over here. While his appearance in the KHX novel was brief, we can still learn interesting information about Ventus’s character as he appears in the Chi Saga. 

(Essay under read more because this gets long.)

(Also on AO3 here.)

Ventus first appears in the book on the very end of page 136 -11 pages before the book’s conclusion- during the epilogue titled “Epilogue- Unchained X”. This is the only section of the book he appears in, as the epilogue covers the end of the keyblade war, the union leader meetup, and has a short interlude for Strelitzia’s death. It should be noted that most of the more interesting bits about Ventus can be found on page 137, as that is the page where he is fully introduced, before the book shifts its attention over to the arrival of Brain. Like I said, very brief appearance. So forgive me if I end up repeating some points on accident. As is common for the Kingdom Hearts novelizations, a majority of the dialogue is taken straight from the game cutscenes, and KHX is no different. There is nothing in the dialogue in this book that could allow us to glean information about Ventus’s character that we would not have already gotten in-game. That’s not to say there’s absolutely nothing new to be taken into account, because if there wasn’t I wouldn’t be writing this. It’s all in the prose.

Ventus’s arrival comes with a description of him, that being “The one who answered was a boy with short, wavy golden hair and a tendency to look at the ground. He seemed so quiet that it was hard to imagine him fighting with a keyblade” (pg. 136). While it doesn’t really describe Ventus physically, it does tell us a lot about him personality wise. Mainly, Ventus seems to be a very shy and timid person. He’s not the type you’d imagine when thinking of people who go out everyday and fight dangerous creatures made of darkness. Ventus’s apparent tendency to look at the ground as mentioned above might also suggest that he’s unsure of himself, as doing so can be seen as a sign of nervousness or uncertainty -at least, according to body language analysts. What’s more is that the speech indicators used when Ventus speaks seem to support this. When Ventus introduces himself to Skuld and Ephemer, he is described as doing so “shyly” (pg. 137), when he wonders why he was chosen Ventus sounds “uncertain of himself” (pg. 137), and when lamenting his lack of friends, Ventus mutters (pg. 137). Suffice to say, Ventus is not a very confident person. He lacks what he sees as sufficient enough skills that would warrant him being chosen as a union leader. He says so himself, “I’m not especially good at anything… And I’m never at the top of the rankings.” (pg. 137). In the very first scene he appears -and the only section that is dedicated to him specifically- in the novel it is made very clear that Ventus lacks self-confidence. He talks down on himself and all-around just seems very unsure as to why he, a timid, not very strong 10-12 year old boy of all people, was chosen to lead the unions after the war. 

Another key part of Ventus’s character throughout the events of KHUX is his lack of close friends. Before becoming a union leader, Ventus was completely alone. Besides maybe his Chirithy, Ventus had no one. His apparent timidness and self-confidence issues probably factored into this. He was too shy to try and approach random keyblade wielders in the hopes of befriending them. If we choose to believe that Ventus was in-fact a preteen around this time, then his age would present a problem as well. Being a 10 year old surrounded by teenagers in an incredibly competitive environment where being stronger than all of your peers and collecting the most lux to get high up in the rankings is highly encouraged is not going to do much good for your self-image. In an environment like that, many wielders would likely look down on those they deem as being too weak, and by Ven’s own admission, he would’ve been incredibly likely to be one of those seen as too weak. Not to mention how a lot of teenagers probably would not want to be hanging around with a 10 year old who could barely pull his own weight. So, Ventus would’ve been stuck in a cycle of being rejected by stronger keyblade wielders for being too weak, but not being able to get stronger because he was completely alone aside from his Chirithy. In a series that puts so much emphasis on the strength we get from our friends and peers, Ventus had none of that. There’s one paragraph -the one that inspired me to make this in the first place- which reads, “Ephemer had never seen this boy Ven. Many keyblade wielders he would at least recognize by face, and you usually heard stories about the really exceptional ones, but Ven belonged to neither category.” (pg. 137). It may not say so directly, but this passage once again reiterates how lonely and for all intents and purposes unremarkable Ventus was in Daybreak Town. Ephemer, someone who feels that in a town of potentially thousands of keyblade wielders he would be able to recognize most of them by face alone, does not recognize Ventus at all, and he’s clearly never heard of him either. It feels mean to say, but Ventus is not well-known, he’s not recognizable, and he’s not an exceptional keyblade wielder. Ventus is a nobody, and I don’t mean like in the Kingdom Hearts enemy way, I mean a literal nobody.

It’s mean, I know it’s mean, I’m basically just bullying the poor kid at this point, but that’s what we can infer from the text. With all of this in mind it’s really not hard to see why Darkness chose him as its target. He was weak, he was vulnerable, he was the perfect choice for Darkness to leech onto. Ventus, above all else, wanted strength and friendship, and he did get that eventually with the union leaders. But it was all at the cost of another person’s life. Darkness answered Ventus’s wishes and gave him everything he wanted. Strelitzia had to die in order for Ventus to get what he wanted. Ventus, of course, did not know about this. He did not kill Strelitzia, not on purpose. He was an unwilling participant in her murder. But it would not be inaccurate to say that Strelitzia did die directly because of Ventus. If Darkness did not “fulfill” Ventus’s wants, Strelitzia would still be alive and a union leader. But where would that leave Ventus? The reality of it is that in a world without the interference of Darkness Ventus would not have been asked to become a Dandelion by Ava due to his lack of strength as she was tasked specifically with recruiting the best keyblade wielders, and he wouldn’t have been recruited any of his friends who might’ve been in the dandelions because he had none. Poor Ventus would’ve fought in the war and realistically would’ve died very quickly. 

That’s really all I have to say here. I could say more, but this is meant to be an analysis of Ventus’s character as he is portrayed in his very limited appearance in the KHX novel. For what it’s worth, this whole essay probably won’t reveal anything about Ventus’s character that we couldn’t already assume from the cutscenes in-game, but I do think it’s still important. For how little we see of him in the novel it does one hell of a job in establishing parts of his character right off the bat without outright saying anything definitive. 

Thank you very much for reading my lil essay here, I know it might seem a bit disjointed at some points and I really do apologize for that. This is the culmination of a lot of my brainworms about Ventus and I never have been very good at putting thoughts on paper. If anyone has anything they’d like to add, please don’t hesitate to do so. Hope you enjoyed!

Also, I do want to just throw a shout out to everyone who left tags of their thoughts on the original post because they really helped me out here.  He’s our collective sad little Charles Dickens-esque orphan boy and we are taking turns giving him soup.

[redtalksaboutstuffandthings]

Anime Ramble 2: Banana Fish is mid

So, once again I'm going to use this empty blog to ramble incessantly about something that only matters to me. Specifically, the gay romance in a crime thriller anime. It took up my thoughts all day, today, and if I don't write them down I'm going to explode.

Banana Fish was written in the 1980's, but received an anime adaptation in 2018. And having watched the whole thing through, I fully believe that the story was written in the 80's. It has a very 1980's idea of what gay people look like and do, and I mean that in all the worst ways.

(Content Warning: Sexual Assault, Pedophilia, Homophobia. It's a deep hole we're going down.)

Banana Fish is the story of Ash Lynx, a runaway mafia hitman with a 200 IQ who is a crack shot with a revolver, spends his free time at the New York Central Library, and whose kill count exceeded his age somewhere around the time he was 15. His romantic interest is Eiji, Japanese photographer and the show's resident Very Good Boy.

Ash is gay. Or at least, that's how he's presented. He has an estranged relationship with his father, which apparently happened sometime after Ash was repeatedly assaulted by an adult, when he was eleven, and Ash was eventually forced to kill his abuser. Why is Ash's father so distant and harsh, even though he knows all of the stuff that happened to his youngest son? Unsure. The show asks the question, and there's a slight hint that a reconciliation is possible, but ultimately Ash's father isn't on screen long enough to provide a clear answer.

If I were a cynical person, I would point out that "a history of being a sexual abuse victim" and "an abusive father figure" are two very common "reasons" given by bigots who want to explain why gay people exist and why their state of mind is a mental health issue. This would have been especially true in the 80's, where homosexuality was only recently removed from the DSM as a mental disorder. However, I'm not a cynical person. I'll just assume that the writers just didn't have enough time to give us a compelling reason.

ASH AND EIJI ARE CUTE TOGETHER, I GUESS

The relationship between our two leads has quite a few nice points going for it. Ash makes a big deal about how tragic his past is and how he can't trust anyone, but around Eiji he's allowed to be his authentic self, without fear of judgment or betrayal. Their interactions together, particularly in safe moments where there isn't a bad guy to fight, is a very realistic depiction of what two good friends might get up to, when they're alone together. They enjoy each other's company, have a lot of cute moments, and there are even what I would identify as clear moments of emotional intimacy, that made for compelling viewing. I do, however, have two main issues with it.

The first is a phenomenon I'm beginning to see quite frequently, in the world of yaoi. It's what I refer to as the "Uke's dillemma." I can understand what Ash gets out of the relationship. A person who accepts him for him, who can look past his violent existence and treat him like a human being is something valuable and healing to him, and the show makes no bones about that. However, I find myself less able to answer what Eiji is getting, from the relationship.

His only real flaw as a character that Ash might be able to address is the temporary loss of his confidence, that he experienced before meeting Ash. That basically gets resolved a few episodes in, with a scene where he has to help save multiple people, including Ash. For the rest of the show, it really feels like Eiji is purely there for Ash's sake. He, being (as I mentioned previously) a Very Good Boy, sees a person who's clearly suffering, underneath the mask of a totally cool badass mafia assassin, and decides to show Ash the milk of human kindness in order to heal his pain and remind him that he's actually a person, and not just a wild animal that needs to be put down.

And while that's cute and cool and very much worth putting to film, that's not exactly a good reason to enter into a romantic relationship with someone. In fact, that feels more like a good reason to adopt a shelter animal.

0/10. NO HAND HOLDING

The second problem with the romantic relationship between our two leads is that... it's not really a romantic relationship. Like, make no mistake. It's not like I was expecting these two boys to spend their free time with their hands down each other's pants. However, they don't really do anything that indicates that they're in a relationship. They spend a lot of time together. They're clearly willing to throw down, when the other is in danger. They even share a few moments of genuine tenderness. But spending time and being emotionally intimate with your friend isn't gay, no matter what the dude-bros tell you, and neither they nor anyone around them seem to give any sort of indication that they should be read as being romantically involved.

Okay, they kiss, once, but I'll get to that in a second.

By itself, this isn't a big deal. It might even be a point in the show's favor. Considering how sleazy they make the world of gay people, how overloaded the plot is with sexual assaults and horrible, senseless violence, the fact that they make the relationship we're meant to root for wholesome? Not the worst decision.

It's a little weird, though. I mean, this was the chance for the show to show us what a good gay relationship might look like. It's a chance to show how Ash would engage with a partner he genuinely loves, when there isn't a gun to his head. A chance to present what a healthy, constructive relationship could look like, even in an environment as ugly as Banana Fish's. And what they gave us... was a very good friendship. Like, an outstanding friendship. A friendship I would happily defend, were it lucky enough to come my way. But that's all it is. You could honestly walk away from the show with the idea in your head that Eiji was straight, and was only staying close to Ash because he's a Very Good Boy and could see it was what Ash needed.

But... I'm overthinking this, maybe. A friendship is a good thing to put on screen, I think. Besides, even if they don't ever say the "L" word, there's enough subtext for you to be able to make the educated guess that they love each other. I don't need to give this any more thought. I could just sit back, and enjoy the wholesome vibes of Boy Assassin and Very Good Boy.

BUT IF I WERE A CYNICAL PERSON...

The show presents gay sexuality as being "bad." I'm not even sensationalizing. Ash's first crimes, his first acts of evil that send him down the violent road he finds himself on, happen as a direct result of being raped as a child and needing to defend himself. The show's main antagonist is a sadistic gay mob boss who's obsessed with owning Ash like a collector's item. Sexual assault and rape are employed or threatened by every throwaway minion who has any sort of power over the protagonists. The cast can be split into three groups: people who rape and abuse people, the victims of abuse... and Ash, who half the time is in the victim category, but the other half of the time uses sexuality as a cover for dishonest behavior.

Ash is openly sexual, at times, but these are always in controlled moments. Often, it's to distract or to call in a bad guy, so he can incapacitate or kill them when they're off guard. That time we get our big kiss between Ash and Eiji, it was all part of a clever ruse on Ash's part to sneak a message out of prison, and not an actual expression of love. For Ash, sex is either something that happens to him, or that he uses to get something he wants.

So, imagine the opportunity presented in front of us, here. Ash has a Very Good Boy, around. One who will not judge him, won't betray him, and who he can finally be his genuine self with. And when given that opportunity, the writer's apparently decided that their perfect gay relationship, the relationship Ash was going to have with his designated soulmate... is one that can easily be mistaken for generic friendship. One where you complain about food, together, but you sleep in separate beds. Where you call your partner "big brother" and only ever touch them when you're having a nervous breakdown and (understandably) need to be held. Where you never say the "love" part out loud, and none of your friends say it out loud, either.

And... I'm not a cynic. I'm not. But if I were, I could have a field day with this. I could write the entire world of Banana Fish as the sort of Gay Experience Conspiracy Theorycrafting that was absolutely rife in the mid and late 20th century. Because it seems like what the writers are suggesting is that the key to being happy as a gay character is to not be gay.

Being gay, according to the writers of Banana Fish, is a sort of corruption, that happens because you were abused and traumatized. Only bad people express thoughts that could be construed as gay sexuality, and in every case it's just meant to serve some greater purpose. Breaking a person's spirit. Getting them vulnerable so they can be killed. And when you find somebody who can finally let you heal from your trauma, all you ever wanna do is take Japanese lessons with your Very Good Boy friend who isn't your boyfriend. Let me just make that last part clear. He's just your very good friend, who just so happens to be a Very Good Boy, and the two of you don't even hold hands.

And then when it's time for your Very Good Boy friend to leave, to go to Japan and back to his regular Very Good Boy life, the moment you even think about going after him, you're gonna get stabbed in the street and murdered, as the consequences of your evil lifestyle finally catch up with you.

((Spoiler alert, btw.))

THAT'S HOW I'D READ IT, IF I WERE A CYNICAL PERSON

Luckily, I'm not a cynical person. I'm sure it's just a coincidence that all that could be inferred from a casual viewing. Surely, I'm just mad that the anime tagged with "gay" and "romance" didn't have enough obvious romance in it.

In conclusion, Banana Fish is a competently animated and drawn crime thriller. It's protagonist is a Mary Sue, but for the story it's telling that's not the worst thing he could be. Any sort of conspiracy theories I have about the writers and their opinion of gay people are probably irrelevant. 6/10. Watched it while I was sick. Killed time while the virus was being killed.

[iknowimdespicableme]

A Lighthouse and a Void

A literary analysis of how the song Mine/Yours by Wilbur Soot and C!Beeduo interact

⚠️Trigger warnings: Unhealthy relationship dynamics, mentions of alcoholism, and implied mistreatment of spouse bordering on abuse⚠️

Word count: 2338

Why must I feel numb?

Tubbo has worked so hard to cultivate a life for himself that he enjoys, and yet still feels unsatisfied. Although he surrounds himself with people he should relish the company of and peace and prosperity and animals that used to make him happy, he continues to feel like he needs more. Like there is something missing. Like he is numb.

I’ve done what I’ve done.

Both Ranboo and Tubbo have done things they are not proud of, that eat away at their conscience no matter how much they try to convince themselves otherwise. Ranboo and George’s house, Tubbo’s traitorous actions during times of war. They both feel like they have turned their backs on Tommy, Ranboo is constantly lost and conflicted. To try and gain some peace, they both pretend as though the past doesn’t bother them. What is done is done, and they shouldn’t dwell on it.

I’ve taken the cues on what I’m supposed to do.

Ranboo is very confused during social interactions, prioritizing their own values over the unwritten rules of communication. Though they try to bend said values in order to gain Tubbo’s favor and trust, having next to no one else to talk to, they are still lost on what to do. So, they look to Tubbo to give them cues on what they’re supposed to do, idolizing his ease in which he navigates conversations in an unhealthy way.

I heave the issue.

Tubbo attempts to ignore his issues, no matter how heavy or inconvenient it would be to do so. Hence, he heaves large issues away, trying to forget them. This not only causes him to bottle up feelings that influence his decisions from his brain’s shadows, but makes it hard for him to communicate said emotions to others.

The narrative’s doomed when I’m holding the pen throttling you.

Tubbo controls the story that Ranboo gets, as when Ranboo forgets something it is Tubbo that reminds him. Perhaps omitting his own mistakes, he paints himself in the best possible light for Ranboo. Thus, their relationship is doomed to fall apart and then come back together. Secondly, Ranboo also writes his own notes about Tubbo in his memory book. As Tubbo is dependent on Ranboo’s love, whatever Ranboo writes and thus whatever Ranboo feels towards Tubbo, greatly affects how Tubbo views himself and his worth.

You never liked me when drunk.

Taking after his father and enemy, Tubbo takes up drinking to escape his overwhelming emotions. This scares Ranboo, seeing as he relies on Tubbo so much and observing him being unpredictable and dangerous when his memory book tells him that this is unlike Tubbo is unsettling. Makes him question everything, and yet Tubbo knows he can do anything he wants and Ranboo won’t remember. This makes him do more and more minacious things.

I start to believe you never liked me at all and so I agree.

Both of them, on their own, come to the conclusion that the other doesn’t love them for who they are, but for what they can give to them. Tubbo treats Ranboo like a void to scream into, Ranboo treats Tubbo like a lighthouse to follow blindly. At the same time, they both have low self esteem and hate or are unsure of their own identities. This understanding that they hide from the other is one of the few things they have in common.

So I’ll say “fuck you” because I know if I don’t I’ll probably say something stupid and true.

Tubbo’s recklessness when it comes to Ranboo’s emotions is unsafe for the both of them. Confused with how he thinks he should feel and what he is actually feeling, there are long stretches of time when Tubbo refuses to give or receive affection. Whether it is because he feels betrayed by Ranboo, because he feels guilty, or because of some other reason we are not shown, he always seems to blame Ranboo. This is due to Tubbo’s view of Ranboo, as being a void to need near him rather than a full person in his own right.

Stand just out of reach of your fist.

What Tubbo doesn’t realize is that if he repeats an action enough times, Ranboo will begin to remember it. The same way Ranboo knew Tommy was a friend or that Philza was kind no matter how long it had been since they last saw each other, Ranboo slowly realizes that he is Tubbo’s scapegoat. Although fully aware that he is unsafe near Tubbo, he has nowhere else to go. Nowhere else he’s ever known. So, he stands just out of reach of his fist, but close enough to touch.

Take myself away.

After a while of everything festering, they both find things to keep themselves busy. Ranboo and The North, Tubbo and the nukes. The more time they spend apart, the longer their marriage will last. Even when they are together, mentally they are somewhere else. Thinking about Michael or revenge or experiments, they are never in the same place even when they are laying in the same bed.

The gangrenous limb.

Ranboo finds that Tubbo and the child they had together and the certainty that their life used to provide, no longer makes him content. He begins isolating himself, traveling longer, losing himself in his own thoughts and worries. It feels like his blood flow, his very heart and soul, has been cut off from him. He has to come to terms with the fact that the man he married and loved and devoted himself to is not who he once thought.

Dance around the subject, a figure of eight

Sitting across the dinner table, standing next to each other on the balcony, laying beside one another in their bed, they are losing the familiarity they once had. The final reason they could still feign love was their history together. Now, with Ranboo fearing that they will again fall into their cycle that takes advantage of his tragedy and Tubbo desperately trying to bring it back, they are simultaneously nowhere near the same page but reading the same unhealthy book.

Describe all the parts of me I’m yet to break.

Ranboo is scrambling to find any proof that Tubbo once loved him. Desperately trying to see if Tubbo knows his favorite flower, color. If he knows why Ranboo hates the nether but loves obsidian. He is holding onto hope that his version of Tubbo is real, just buried deep within his frosty exterior.

Count all the parts of me, I’m yet to break.

Tubbo, on the other hand, has continued to drown in his work. Telling himself that he is building the nukes to protect Ranboo, he is trying to convince a god he doesn’t believe in that he is not guilty. Maybe he did love Ranboo once. There must have been some moment, when they were truly happy. For that reason, he is yet to break from Ranboo and thus the last vice-like grip he has onto his past life.

Recount all the parts of me I’m yet to break you.

Both halves of this tragic coupling are desperately searching for love and companionship. They are sure that their relationship can be salvaged. And yet, even in this new found hope, they are not doing it for the other’s sake no matter how much they say otherwise. They both don’t know how to be happy without the other. They haven’t been happy in years but the last time they were, was when they were together. They try to safeguard the other’s feelings, because if the other breaks, they surely will too.

Kiss me like it was your job, so tender and carefully, teeth before tongue.

(I wanna be yours)

And yet, nothing changes. Tubbo continues to kiss Ranboo as though it is an obligation, not a privilege. Scared to lose him and scared to have him, Tubbo performs his duties to Ranboo as though reading a checklist as opposed to loving someone. He gives Ranboo everything he believes he needs except genuineness behind the actions. At the same time, Ranboo can’t let go. All Ranboo wants is to feel loved and wanted again, he screams to Tubbo with his lingering touches that he “wants to be yours”, more than he wants to be his own person. A long time ago, this would’ve been exactly what Tubbo wanted, but now he feels guilty whenever he uses Ranboo, preferring to be detached over the crushing blame of Ranboo’s scared eyes.

And not in the way that the romantics do.

He knows he needs more, but he doesn’t know how to say it. Tubbo never taught him that, and he relies on Tubbo for everything. Maybe Tubbo should have done them both a favor and never showed Ranboo what true happiness and love and peace felt like. They could’ve lived in bliss, one content with unhappiness and the other oblivious. And yet, unfortunately for the pair, there had been love there once.

With the grace of a workplace and child dispute.

(I wanna be yours)

When they kiss, Ranboo can see Tubbo check a duty off of his mental list while they used to lock eyes and only see each other. With Tubbo lost in work and Ranboo observing his mannerisms from the outside, he realizes that Tubbo uses the same vocabulary talking to his coworkers as he does to Ranboo, his husband. When asked about their situation through the way Ranboo ate and talked and slept, Tubbo avoided it with corporate professionalism. Even discussions about their real, alive child were coated in a tone one uses when discussing tasks they were assigned to do against their own will. And yet, there is this longing still, to fix what is broken because what else is there?

You know, I don’t need much more.

Ranboo has lived with Tubbo this whole time, and loved him under all his fear no matter what Tubbo threw at him. He would be content with the occasional hug or single apology. He doesn’t need much, but he does need more. He is rotting away like a corpse, so slowly, starved of anything worth living for for so long. He doesn’t know any other way but, god up in heaven, if Tubbo called out to him from the darkness where they lost themselves, he would follow it to the ends of the earth.

I want to be mine.

Keeping these discoveries from Tubbo, about who they are to each other, has finally allowed him to grow and nurture thoughts independent from Tubbo’s influence. This fascinating new discovery is enticing. He wants to know more about himself and who he really is. The idea of being his own person, thing, object; whatever he is, a part of him is curious. He mourns the loss of himself knowing that he can wish for something like this but it will never come to fruition.

Wanna be yours.

Ranboo will never let go of Tubbo. Above everything he could ever want for himself, he cherishes Tubbo like a priest cherishes a church. Cleaning and perfecting oneself in the hope that some greater thing you don’t understand will reach out and save you. He has only ever been Tubbo’s. He knows nothing else. Every thought that races through his head, every step his padded feet take, everything his mismatched eyes see, they all trace back to Tubbo. He wants. No, needs Tubbo more than words can do justice. Like a sunflower needs the sun, turning away from Tubbo is certain death. Death of love? Death of hope? Death of peace and contentment? Prosperity? Reciprocation? He doesn’t dare find out, and follows Tubbo out of the storm as though Tubbo is a lighthouse, knowing that the shards of rock at the dock will tear Ranboo to shreds. Anything to get a step closer to his only love.

You know, I don’t need much more.

Tubbo has gone through so much, he has begun to give up on everything that used to drive him. Anger, revenge, resentment, guilt, all lost to him. He feels weak and exhausted, he needs to feel loved. If only for a moment he could take all of his walls down and truly be seen and cared for by someone, he could finally slow down and rest. He has been running his whole life, he doesn’t think it will ever stop. But, just the thought of giving himself up to vulnerability is enough to make him sick to his stomach. His fear jolts him like an adrenaline rush, and he keeps pushing knowing that he doesn’t need much to let go of the marathon.

I want to be mine.

Tubbo has always been on his own, he wants to hold on to this sacred privilege. In a world where he has been thrown around by one war to the next, one dictator to the next, one ungrateful friend to the next, he has always found comfort in knowing exactly who he is. Knowing exactly what he wants to do, what he needs. He is the opposite of Ranboo, never able to let go of himself in order to hold someone else.

Wanna be yours.

And yet, even with how much his individuality means to him, Tubbo is still chasing after that famed intimacy called romantic love. He wants warm fireplaces and bright blushing and the ache from smiling too hard and the bruising of lips being kissed with passion. He feels an overwhelming responsibility for his own lack of love, because it is true. Even with love laying next to him with open arms, he cannot take its hand. He wants to be Ranboo’s, he wants to be someone’s. Is it because he needs to be cared for or because the thought of missing out on something so close is eating at him? The idea that he lost a happy ending because of his own selfishness plagues him at night, when he wants nothing more than to be hugged.

I take you for granted because the alternative is far more alarming.

What is a moon, but a reflection of the light from a sun?

What is a sun, with no moon to shine upon?

Orbiting but never touching, without the other they are nothing.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw: graphic language | r-word mentions | noncon

hi! i hope you're okay. i'm the anon who sent in the ask about my boyfriend having sex with me while i was sleeping. i talked to a counsellor at my university and they confirmed that that he indeed raped me. i don't know how to feel about this or how to move from this. i am going to forget about it because it was just once. and i'm sure he didn't mean to do that to me. he was just drunk, if he was sober, he wouldn't do that to me. honestly, denying it and making excuses for him is easier than confronting the thought that he violated me in my most vulnerable state. i don't wanna hate him. he's so important to me. i have also decided to not confront him about it because he might say i'm falsely accusing him. and why must i be the first person to accuse of such? ANYWAYS. thank you so much for taking the time to answer my ask. and thank you so much to the kind person that reblogged! it means the world to me :)

Hi anon,

I'm glad to hear that you reached out to a counselor. It's completely understandable to be unsure how to feel about this whole situation, and however you feel about it is valid.

It's definitely up to you what you'd like to do about this. But I will say that even if he didn't mean to do that to you, intention isn't more important than impact - even if someone means well and does harm, they're still responsible for the harm they caused.

I think it's also worth considering that his actions have rather little to do with being drunk, because if he is capable of getting drunk and not raping you (or anyone), then that suggests it has more to do with his choices independent of being drunk. Moreover, if he's capable of ensuring your consent while drunk (I know you said it started out with you both being drunk but everything was fine), then he really has no excuse.

It's completely understandable that denying the gravity of the situation is much easier than acknowledging and exploring it, especially because of the implications it can potentially have on your relationship. But it may be worth considering what is going to be better for your mental and even physical health.

It's common to have conflicting feelings towards someone who hurt you, especially if it's someone you love and have an intimate bond with. You don't have to hate him, but you may want to explore how you feel about him.

I'm not sure if you got the chance to check this out, but I also want to highlight the section I wrote about communication:

"Be able to talk to them about anything, unless they have asked you not to discuss certain topics. But the context is important here, because there's a difference between not wanting to talk about something like mortality and not wanting to talk about a problem you may be having with them. It's important to talk through problems and be good listeners for each other. Basically, honesty and transparency should be present in your relationship. Interactions should not feel superficial or intimidating."

While you're of course not obligated to confront him about what happened, you deserve to be in a relationship where you don't have to feel afraid to discuss these things. You deserve not only to speak your truth, but have productive and compassionate conversations with your partner about any issues you may have, without fear of backlash of any kind.

Ultimately, I think it may be helpful to reflect on what you feel you deserve in a relationship, and if your relationship aligns with those values.

I hope I could help. As always, please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[nutraexperts]

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[a-simply-simping-simp]

I used to pray almost every week to God to kill me in my sleep. I used to get on my hands and knees on the top of my staircase and beg for death. I was maybe around 8 at the time. I wasn't even in middle school. Everyday I'd ake up and feel dissapointed. I'd lay in my bed a bit more cuz I didn't want to get up and llive another day. Can you imagine a child so young begging you to kill them? Can you imagine your child asking that? I used to go my life wanting to die everyday because I was depressed. I was bored. I was scared. I honestly didn't even want to die; I just didn't want to live. But now, I've changed. I don't wish for death but I'm not as scared as I used to be. I mean, I'm not inviting death to knock on my doors, but I have this thirst to be done with this life. I'm bored but only because I know this life pales in comparrison to what comes after. I'm bored because I just want nothing more than to run and hug Jesus physically and directly, in his face, say thank you over and over and over again. I can't imagine what he must've felt as his child, such a young one too, begged him to take her life only because she was too coward to do it herself. Also, I didn't mention that those were the only times I talked to God at all back then. God truly changed me. That isn't all, it truly isn't! I also have had this....situation where everyone around me felt different. At first I felt like the only normal person and everyone else was an NPC, but then I started to realize the only reason they looked like NPCs to me was because they all had some invisible thing or trait in common. I still to this day have no clue what it is, but It was something like this fundemental rule to being human. But I didn't have it. I had the body of a human, the brain of a human, the intelligence of a human...for the most part, but this thing, this thing I lacked. I copied different people constantly to try and figure out what it was but all I gained was an identity crisis. I panicked and cried for a while because I didn't know what was wrong with me. I always knew the people around me were different in a way I couldn't relate, but it all came together, or rather, fell apart when someone very close to me verbally told me something was wrong with me...multiple times. I've been speculated before that I could be on the spectrum. At first I was thought to have ADHD, both kinds. Then I was suspected to have Autism as well as sensory issues. I asked to be tested but still, it isn't really worth the time, money, and effort to others, so I am still unsure. Honestly I hoped this was the case because I'd finally have a reason as to why I'm this way and so that it'd prove nothing was wrong with me. Now, I still struggle a bit with this one simply because I truly want to just know myself. I have someone who understands me. In fact, He made me. And he doesn't make mistakes. I am no misfunction. There is nothing wrong with me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and only in christ did I figure that out. He is the only confromation I need. God changes people in ways you never would've guessed.

[mileageblofcker]

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[sukirichi]

earned it [02]

Gojo Satoru is a firm believer that if you work hard for it then you shall earn it. But on the other side, he’s not unfamiliar with his own sins. He also believes that there is punishment due for his sins as he’s earned it.

cw. mentions of murder, suggestive content, unedited fic

notes. err, i’m only doing this on impulse. i would like to continue it, but i think part one stands enough for itself :> i might delete this if i don’t like it a few days later lollll

series masterlist

Your infamous customer hadn’t arrived even as the restaurant closed. You watched close enough, fidgety in your movements and often bumping into other servers, all because your gaze kept darting back to the front door, awaiting his presence.

There’s no actual reason why you want to see him. Maybe it’s because he left an impression? The guy didn’t even budge after finding out someone had snuck into the kitchen to poison him, leaving you to wonder why anyone wanted to kill him. Not that it was any of your business, but you figured it was only common between powerful people who are equally greedy. Still, you’re unfocussed in your work, apologizing every now and then when your boss shook their head at you.

Thankfully, you managed to get back to your old pace. Thoughts of the white-haired tall man left the room at the same time everyone did, leaving only you and your boss in the locker room. You ended up working two shifts again on this weekend, your co-worker asking you to cover for them due to sudden family issues.

It’s tiring, that much is for sure, but you won’t complain when it’s more money down in your pocket. You’re dazzled, however, as you leave the locker room and see that your main chefs are still there.

Upon seeing you, they immediately usher you into a lone table, table 98 that remained untouched the whole night, a two lit candles illuminating the otherwise darkness of the isolated restaurant. Only this time, it’s occupied by him no less, his azure eyes flittering up to yours at the sound of your hesitant footsteps.

You’ve been looking for him the whole night, yet now that he’s in front of you, you don’t have any words to say. Instead, you bow down deep, the hands clasped in your lap shaking.

“S-Sir.”

“No need to be so nervous. I only wish to discuss something with you,” his laugh is so carefree, lighthearted as he gestures to the empty spot across him. “Take a seat,” Wordlessly, you foolow his orders and dash down to the seat, spine straight and head held high. There’s a hint of amusement in his small smile, but he doesn’t tease you, save for the lilting tone he held. “So you’re in sophomore year of university?”

“Yes, Sir. How’d you know?” You furrowed your brows, unsure of whether you’re supposed to expensive meal served in two.

Gosh, and this was on page three too, a single meal cost at least six months’ worth of rent.

“I pulled a string or two,” he lifts one shoulder lazily, waving his knife in the air. “And please, call me Satoru. Assuming we come to an understanding, things will go well for the both of us. You are in need of financial aid, yes?” You nod, utterly clueless in where this is leading, but Satoru’s already made up his mind long before he came here that he found no need in beating around the bush.

“Good. Then what do you say about being my sugar baby?”

“S-sugar baby?” you repeat the word first in confusion, then with distaste. He simply hums around the meat he’s eating, as if it’s a normal occurrence for him to inquire such things, and you scoff, crossing your arms on your chest.

You don’t care that this guy is your precious customer – he was just the same as everyone else.

“Is that the reason why you asked me to stay behind? Do you think you can just pay people to sleep with you? It may have worked on others, but not to me. I would rather keep my dignity than be with you,” you breathe hard after your rant, slapping your palms down on the table. The impact of it makes the table shake, his hand reflexively reaching to steady his wine glass. “As for what happened yesterday, you don’t have to thank me about it. I did what any right-minded person would.”

“And if I said I never wanted to be saved?” he asks, his tone still so calm that it further infuriates you. You stare at him, stunned and mouth gaping. “Sit down. I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Thank you for graciousness, Sir, but I really don’t—”

“Angel,” You freeze at the nickname. He chuckles with his forehead pressed to his clasped hands, “Do you really think I need to pay people to sleep with me? I could have anyone I want,” his voice falls an octave or two, the sonorous warning rumbling something…alien inside your body. You stand there, unable to move, and he easily sees through this as he hides a smirk behind his drink. “Sit down. I’m not done talking to you.”

You don’t know what snapped in you to actually follow, but his words weren’t just that. They were always laced with eased dominance, the words leaving his lips coming out as a command. No, it was more like a hypnotizing order, and you’re nothing but a puppet enslaved by it.

His smile only grows bigger, and you hate that he looks ridiculously handsome under the dim lights of the room. Life would’ve been much easier if this man had been ugly.

“As I was saying, this relationship should be casual, no strings attached. I’d prefer if you’re exclusive to me, and in return, I’ll cover all your school fees and everything else. As for the sex,” he cuts his eyes straight to yours, an intense burning heat in them. You squirm in your seat, a little intimidated, albeit excited, by this proposition too, though you’d rather die than let him know that, “I don’t need that from you. I just want someone to talk to.”

“You’re paying me to talk to you?”

“No,” he chuckles, “I’m saying you form a relationship with me in exchange of financial aid. You’d be similar to a lover, nothing less of a friend,” he stares at his drink so hard like he was having a debate with it. A few seconds later, he found his answer, the gleam in his eyes surreptitious as he says, “Someone I can trust.”

You huff. Surely it wasn’t easy as that. “Why me?”

“No reason,” he shrugged, “I just find you endearing, that is all,” You lean back on your seat, trying to process all this. The hesitance must be written all over your face because he adjusts his tie, sliding a white business card your way before sliding his chair back in. At least he’s well-mannered enough to do that. “You can take your time to think about it. There’s no need to rush.”

Somehow, seeing his figure retreat triggers something within you. You watch as silhouettes emerge from the darkness trail after him; must be his security team, serving as an additional note that what you so struggled to achieve was likely nothing for him.

Was it fear? Desperation? Shame?

You don’t know, you won’t ever really know, but you run up to him anyway, brave enough to tug at his sleeve. The guards surrounding him tense up at the contact, stepping away only when he raises a finger that spoke a thousand words.

“You-you’ll pay for everything?”

With his back turned to you, you failed to see that victorious grin he wore. “And everything more,” he reassured. He turns around to confirm your submission, but you’re quivering under his towering frame, poor hands clutched around the card so tightly he won’t be surprised if you break it. He chuckles, coaxing the worries out of you as he caresses your cheek, his breath evident of expensive liquor hitting your cheeks. “Relax, angel. It’s not like you’re selling your soul to the devil.”

Your pupils blow wide at the close proximity. If he was attractive before, it’s nothing compared to the clarity of his sharp, angular features that are softened by his playful smile. Oddly enough, his thumb caressing your cheeks is tender yet calloused.

There’s no telling when who put who under a spell, because you’re clutching helplessly at his suit jacket, whispering, “Am I not?”

You are, he wants to say, but you’re so innocent, so vulnerable – such an angel, he can’t help but hum in his head – that he doesn’t have the heart to let you know. He already knew things were bound to fall out of place one another, but until that hasn’t happened yet, he’ll have to keep you close. He’ll make you his.

“I’ll take good care of you,” he declares so confidently that you couldn’t even question his capability to do so you, and for a moment, just a moment, your knees weaken under his stare. “Now that, I can promise.”

Should you have pulled away then? When he leaned down to seal the contract with a kiss, should you have pulled away then? Or better yet, could you even pull away then?

You’ve been so alone your whole life that each moment with him is awakening, soul-crushing, mind-shattering and so damn weakening that you should’ve pulled away then. If anyone were to tell you you’d share your first kiss after work hours with a man whose name you don’t even know of, you’d tell them they were crazy, crazier if they claimed you would enjoy it.

But you did. Oh, you did, you were addicted to him – his taste, his scent, his touch, everything about him – that when he pulled away, taking away every last breath in your lung that formerly remained taint-free by him, you’re left wanting. Craving.

And he knows this. How could he not? Your eyes are hazy with lust, chest pressed against his firm ones that would soon be the same body you found home over and over again.  You’re not the only left intoxicated from this sudden agreement. Whatever you feel, he feels it twice as much after years of watching you from the sidelines, asking himself a million times over what it is about you that pulled him in so much in the first place.

The innocence? The dedication? The youthful naivety?

Gojo wants to laugh at himself. It was never any of those – he simply wanted to fool himself that maybe he’s worthy of this, of your love, of your purity. He’s selfish, manipulative, heartless, and he wants nothing more than someone like you to make him feel like he’s everything he’s not.

He steps forward to brush his nose against yours; breathing in the tiny gasps you reward him with. And he’s barely even touched you.

“I look forward to our next meeting,” he rasps, butterfly touches all the way down your back to hold you flush against him, letting you feel that he’s all muscle and hardness, while you’re the complete opposite, composed of softness and little ghosting kisses. Perhaps when he gives you by a name, he was right to call you –  “My Angel.”

The loud blaring of your alarm cuts through the silence of the room, its shrill sound piercing your ears. You groan, blindly patting the bedside table to swipe snooze. The spot next to you has been cold for a while now, but it’s normal for Satoru to leave early for work that you burrow yourself deeper in the covers. Five more minutes of sleep shouldn’t be so bad; it’s the weekend, anyway. You’ve got nothing else to do.

Waking up after that, on the other hand, now that is an impending task on itself.

You’re beyond sore, your inner thighs littered with handprints and your shoulder covered in love bites. “Jeez,” you mutter to yourself, stepping out of the bathroom. Tying your robe around you, you go out your shared bedroom, rubbing your eyes to get the sleep out.

It’s past noon already – Satoru really wore you out. And fuck, you could barely walk. You had to grip the counters just to sit on the stools, and even then, you’re wincing from the pain.

He should be doing paperwork in his office right now or something; he never really told you what to do. You don’t feel like asking either since he’s made it clear he prefers to keep his personal life, well…personal. But nevertheless, you swing your legs back and forth on the stool, texting him a quick I love you baby :)

Satoru doesn’t reply.

Usually, he’d respond in a few minutes, always supplied with a wink and an eggplant emoji. It was so him to act this way, that when those few minutes turned into a few hours and you’re met with radio silence, you can’t help but worry.

You try to brush it off, ignoring the deafening silence that rings all over his penthouse. He’s busy, he’s working, he’s got things to do – that’s all it is.

You convince yourself hard enough that you’ve cleaned the place until it’s sparkling, your reflection bouncing off the black marble floors. Every minute, though, your mind would race back to him. Not thinking about him proved to be a really daunting task because you think of him when you’re eating, reminiscing the way he’d always surprise you with a back hug, muttering morning angel all over your skin just to distract you from your meal. You think of him as you’re killing time with boring dramas; if he was here, he’d nudge your leg with his foot, pushing your shorts until it exposes your panties. He’d make sure you don’t get to focus at all, riling you up and kissing you hard that the show playing becomes nothing but background noise. You think of him, you dream of him, you remember him – and yet, you can’t feel him.

Nails bitten down to the skin, you scramble for your phone, swiping call over his contact. It doesn’t go through. Now that’s another odd thing; Satoru never fails to pick up your calls.

“He’s just busy,” you lie to yourself, telling the same thing over and over again even as night falls and you’re staring at the empty left side of the bed, hands smoothing over where the curve of his body would’ve been. “He’s just busy,” you say once more, giving into the exhaustion brought on by your worries. “He’ll come home soon. He always will.”

Except he didn’t.

And that was two weeks ago.

“Angel, I got you—” Satoru immediately clamps his shut, his footsteps muted as he walks closer to you. You’ve been dating for a few months now, and you’re still very wary of the nature of your relationship so you refuse to move in with him. He doesn’t mind, he respects your space and decisions, but now he’s starting to regret letting you have your way. You’re hunched over your swiveling chair, cheek pressed against the opened textbook and glasses perched on your hair. The lamp desk illuminates the dark circles lining your eyes, his heart breaking at the sight.

Thanks to his help, you’ve been able to spend more time focusing on your studies. It should be comforting, but Satoru’s heart aches as he thinks of what you’ve been like prior to meeting him.

How long have you stayed up all night just to pass your exams? How long have you cried yourself to sleep, unable to handle the burden placed by the world on your shoulders at such a young age? How long have you had to turn down friends’ invites to parties with a forced smile because you had to go to work? How many times have you stared at a failing mark, teeth clenched because you studied well for it; your exhaustion just got the best of you and muddled your brain?

Satoru places the beer and dinner he’s got you on his way back home on top of your one-man dining table, pressing a kiss at the top of your head. You look so beautiful this way – unaware, unknowing, and focused in nothing but the future ahead of you that you don’t bother yourself with his past.

Perhaps…it was comforting, after all.

He’d rather have you worry over your own studies than worry about him. Satoru can’t stomach the idea of you – his precious angel – being involved in his own shit, possibly get caught between the crossfire. It pains him to say it, but he doesn’t want you getting too close for comfort.

So he stays there by your side, simply because it would expel all ideas of you wanting to be beside him. He’ll be right where you’re safe, and the sigh that leaves your lips when he moves you to your bed, fitting in his long, lanky bed on your cramped mattress an immense struggle. As if feeling that you’re finally home, you snuggle closer to his chest, murmuring sweet nothings that tug at his heartstrings.

Satoru rubs circles at your back, staring so hard at the chipped paint on your wall that he’s sure he’s got it burned in his memory.

Now that he thinks about it, he should’ve been satisfied with that. He should’ve held back in his desire to have more of you. He should’ve just tucked you in and left, but he was never really in control of himself. Before he knew it, he’s pulled in by you too much, encouraging him to move in with you under the lie it’s easier to keep an eye on you.

Had he just left you earlier…would things have been different then?

He’s asked himself this question too many times. Satoru always came to one conclusion. He loved you way too much that it consumed him, and soon the love he held for you slowly burned you inch by inch. The only way to save you was to pull away – but he wasn’t ready for that yet, not now – but he’s too scared, too deep in love that he ignores the warning signals and holds you close instead, finding comfort in the warmth of your arms.

Fuck. Satoru downs his second drink, glaring at everyone beneath his shades. Geto snickers beside him, sending side eyes to his boss every now and then just to check. Of course, Satoru’s not actually going to pass out, he was no lightweight, but he’d been uneasy every since that pretentious gold envelope landed on his desk.

One of the downsides of being a mafia leader meant you had to mingle with other clan shit, including him of all people. There were always new leaders popping out of nowhere, Satoru quote unquoting, criminals be spawning like maniacs.

For fourteen years – fourteen fucking years – his clan had been in bad blood with the Zen’ins. They were pretty new in the illegal side of business, starting off as a powerful name in the trade industry before they got interested in oil. One thing led to another, the family began to realize they could have so much more if they turned a blind eye to a law or to, soon shifting into illegal weaponry trade, human trafficking, then drug manufacturing.

These bastards had the audacity to insult the Gojo Clan when Satoru’s family dropped by to strike a contract out of curiosity to their goods, only to be turned down because they’re ‘barbaric’ and ‘informal.’

Satoru still remembers that humiliating moment of being escorted out by bodyguards, but he held his head high, vowing to show that bastard Zen’in guy that the Gojo’s were one of the powerhouses for a reason. He doesn’t even know where the elderly guy got his confidence from. Mafia business was not the same as their former expertise, yet they acted all high and mighty with their rules and standard of being sophisticated even in a life or death situation.

Gojo doesn’t know whether he should be happy or sad that the old man died, his son taking over just as soon as his father perished. He would’ve celebrated with a whiskey or two, except the new clan leader was quite adamant in cleaning up their name to prove he would not create the same mistake his father did.

The new leader threw a large cruise party, inviting pretty much everyone they were chummy with, and Satoru has never felt more out of place. He recognized a face or two, but he couldn’t really give a fuck. He hated events like this – it was all about establishing power and face.

Satoru groaned under his breath, swiping at another flute as a waiter passed by. He felt the bubbles fizzle down his throat, the slight burning sensation somewhat easing his nerves.

He leans back at the wall and checks his watch for what seemed like the hundredth time that night. It’s been two fucking hours since they arrived, and the host still hadn’t arrived. If they planned on being ‘fashionably late’ Satoru won’t hesitate to slice someone’s neck tonight. He hates his time being wasted the most, and his eyes slid over to his friend’s still posture, looking like he just saw a ghost.

“Suguru,” he sighs through his mouth, “Don’t be so tense. This is a formal event – no blood will be shed tonight.” Suguru had a weird skill of being able to read Satoru’s thoughts that he raised his hands in surrender, silently promising that he’s not going to kill anyone.

“You’re not sure of that.”

“I won’t lose my composure, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he rolls his eyes, not looking back as he effortlessly places the empty glass back to another waiter. Satoru stands next to his friend, sucking his teeth out of boredom. Suguru, on the other hand, is tenser than ever, his eyes locked onto something in the middle of the crowd that began to cheer.

Faintly, somewhere at the back of his mind, Satoru hears someone whistle in signal. A few seconds later, the fireworks are lit and decorate the night sky, bursts of gold and beauty accompanying the entrance of the woman who’s so effortlessly caught everyone’s eye tonight.

Satoru is rooted to his spot, taking off his glasses the same time the crowd parts. Then, his breath is knocked away from his body, his heart pumping so hard he actually struggled to breathe.

Because you’re there, smiling and waving at the crowd as if it’s second nature to you. Seven years of being apart from one another and Satoru is still bewitched each time he lays his eyes on you. You’re the same…from your face down to the angelic feeling you always carried, but at the same time, you’re different. Gone was his precious angel who shied away from too much attention, his precious angel who would’ve never worn such a bodacious ring embedded on her left ring finger. Your smile is more charismatic, confident, and even fierce compared to the small, private ones you always shared with him – he almost couldn’t recognize you.

As if feeling someone’s eyes on you, you spot him leaning languidly against the walls, those lips you used to kiss turned downwards.

Seven years ago, you would’ve kissed him until he smiles again, singing to your pouty and clingy boyfriend who never voiced out the reason of his troubles. Seven years ago, he would’ve carried you and swung you around, showering you with affection as he reminds you how lucky he is to have you.

But this was no longer the past – that much is clear from when he left you without another word.

Still, you smile at him, an empty one that showed nothing but concealed anger. He was sure though, so fucking sure, that for a split second, he saw you light up. That may have been seven years ago, but you loved each other to the point of insanity – surely you still held some sort of fondness of him.

Satoru takes long, self-assured stride towards you, his gaze never leaving yours with his hands tucked into his pockets. There’s no telling what he’ll do, but in his mind, it’s clear.

You still love him, he still loves you. He’ll do something about it. It doesn’t matter what, he just will. That was until a young man closer to your age with blond hair and pierced earrings, narrow feline eyes lined with eyeliner hobbles beside you, his weight supported by a cane that Satoru stops in his movements.

He’d recognize that face anywhere.

The youngest and perhaps most mischievous leader of them all, Naoya Zen’in. Albeit not as hard-headed as his father in comparison with his rather laid-back and welcoming nature, Satoru knows a monster when he sees it. It takes one to know one, after all, and despite the heir being crippled from a former accident, his intelligence and power was not to be overlooked through his appearance and coy smiles.

In fact, he might even be more dangerous than his old man, this theory only proven when his arms snake around your waist. The matching rings gleam from under the light, and you press yourself closer to him to whisper in his ear, your attention very much still on Satoru.

Satoru’s entire body burns.

“Still there, Sir?” Suguru asks, gripping his boss’ bicep to hold him back. Smart of him, Satoru exhales through his nose, unable to stop his glare from darting to your husband’s.

He’s heard of you, of him, of how his most annoying rival had a phenomenal trophy wife who looked harmless at first look, but was actually the brains of most of his operations. Satoru forgets how to breathe normally because he’s heard of you, and the rumors he’s gotten wind of about Naoya’s trophy wife are nothing less of how dedicated and perfect the two of you are.

Slapping Suguru’s arm away from him, Satoru grits his teeth. “Get me a drink.”

His precious angel was gone. No, this woman that stood before him…you were an entirely different entity, something darker, something along the lines that were more like him.

What exactly happened the day he left you?

taglist: @ladywaifuuwrites​ @savantsoulfinder​ @my-reality-is-in-my-head​ tagging the ones who asked for part 2, please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed!

[tea-and-la]

Aang as Zuko’s “Found-Sibling”

so i kind of alluded to it on my previous post but if zuko sees his relationship with any of the gaang as a foil to his sibling relationship with azula, it’s aang. 

in the season 1 finale, zuko compares the two directly:

zuko:  I finally have you, but I can't get you home because of this blizzard. There's always something. Not that you would understand. You're like my sister. Everything always came easy to her. She's a Firebending prodigy, and everyone adores her. My father says she was born lucky. He says I was lucky to be born. I don't need luck, though. I don't want it. I've always had to struggle and fight and that's made me strong. It's made me who I am.

here zuko makes a lot of assumptions. he is implying that because aang is a prodigy like azula, everything must come easy for him. we as the audience know this isn’t true (he doesn’t know aang’s background at this point), but it does speak to his insecurities in terms of his sister (foreshadowing to his season 2 interactions with azula.) 

contrast that quote with what zuko says to katara in the season 1 finale:

zuko: you rise with the moon, i rise with the sun.

he sees katara as evenly skilled as himself. a match, but with opposite bending elements. and that’s even reflected in the way that katara wins their match at night, but zuko wins their fight when it’s day time.

zuko (especially in season 1) sees azula as superior to him, someone who he’ll never catch up to in skill because she’s a prodigy. in contrast, he’s seen katara when she first started to bend and made mistakes (barely able to form a water whip, and the time she accidentally froze sokka). zuko has seen and acknowledged her growth throughout the show and he sees her as someone who has also had to struggle and work hard to get to her current bending capacity.

and like @sokkastyles​ already said: 

Aang is the younger prodigy who he resents for being better than him in the beginning, the one who is imbued with power and authority by birth that he lacks, the “lucky” one.

continuing on, i wanna talk about crossroads of destiny. the zk scene again emphasizes how similar zuko sees katara to himself (not azula.)

he is calm, open, and vulnerable throughout these scene with katara. he almost allows himself to forget they’re on opposite sides because of how much they have in common. but once aang comes in:

there’s that same anger and resentment he has towards azula. 

i’ve seen some people refer to the crossroads of destiny as zuko some hidden meaning of choosing between “sisters,” but i disagree. it’s framed as a decision between azula and aang, and for zuko, it’s supposed to be an impossible choice. 

so we see him go after aang with an uncontrolled intensity that is so different from the brief peace he was able to achieve with iroh in ba sing se. and it’s easy to imagine that this is because he’s taking his frustration that he can’t express towards azula, out on aang, as a substitute. 

we see lingering bits of zuko’s resentment towards aang, even after he joins the gaang. it’s unintentional, but from the firebending masters, we can see how he initially still holds onto that insecurity a bit.

when he initially realizes he lost his firebending he tries the forms over and over, while aang is just chilling:

aang: that one felt kinda hot

zuko: don’t patronize me!

aang: sorry sifu hotman

zuko: and stop calling me that!

even though aang was being genuine, it’s easy to imagine that zuko is connecting this moment back to times with azula growing up. especially because we know how much his ability to fire bend is tied up into his self worth. 

he’s given the chance to “prove” himself by teaching someone who he considers superior in skill to himself (aang, just off virtue of being the avatar), and when he fails, that rears up the resentment again. 

but then, their dynamic shifts after zuko admits he doesn’t want to rely on hate and anger anymore. zuko has several moments where he encourages aang (who he was previously resentful towards) because he sees that aang needs it. he’s able to realize that aang isn’t a prodigy in the sense that he thinks he’s superior to anyone else. and he’s also able to see that aang has his own insecurities as well, as they get to know each other more on their trip. he has phrases like: 

zuko: you can do it. i know you can. you’re a strong kid.

aang: [Turning to Zuko.] We could turn back now. We've already learned more about fire than we'd hoped. [Aang shows Zuko his flame and gives a weak smile.]

zuko: No, we're seeing this through to the end.

and aang’s face as a result: 

so in a sense, zuko is able to be needed as a big brother. and to offer support because aang is unsure about himself. 

also this scene reeks of sibling energy:

but anyways, i think aang/zuko’s found-sibling relationship foils azula/zuko’s sibling relationship because even though they start off with resentment for similar reasons, his dynamic with aang changes.

i see people say that the reason they think katara is zuko’s “surrogate sibling” is because she provides him with care and kindness, unlike azula. the same could be said about aang.

whereas azula has made it clear that she doesn’t respect zuko’s bending, aang values and respects zuko for his skills (even when he was struggling at the beginning of the firebending masters.) aang is able to reciprocally affirm zuko as well:

aang: i don’t care what everyone else says about you. you’re pretty smart!

i also find the last few lines after they meet with the dragons to be significant:

zuko: That's why my firebending was so weak before. Because for so many years, hunting you [Turns toward Aang as screen zooms out to show Aang.] was my drive ... it was my purpose. [Aang turns toward Zuko as well.] So when I joined you, I lost sight of my inner fire. But now, I have a new drive. [Cut to Zuko's face as screen zooms in.] I have to help you defeat my father and restore balance to the world.

i’d like to think that part of losing/letting go of his anger/resentment in part was because of the new relationship he was able to build with aang. in a sense, he’s able to repair a “pseudo-sibling” relationship with a found-sibling who willingly accepts him. 

i love that they’re address their confidence issues regarding firebending together. 

and how, when they rushed to show the rest of the gaang after they returned:

aang: [Cut to Aang and Zuko demonstrating the Dancing Dragon to the rest of Team Avatar and friends.] With this technique the dragons showed us, Zuko and I will be unstoppable.

zuko has gained a found-sibling relationship that isn’t about comparing their firebending to each other, but working as a team. it’s so so meaningful that aang says “zuko and i.” the idea of zuko having a sibling relationship where he’s able to share his love of firebending and not feel insecure about it ...🥺. him having a “sibling” who wants to hang out with him and do things together and gushes about it with the confidence that aang had when he said they would be unstoppable. 

oh! not to mention that i’ve seen people say that zuko/katara have a sibling relationship because she teases him in EIP. but like .. that’s such flimsy logic. and also? aang and zuko have their mutual teasing moments especially in the firebending masters, and it’s just adorable. 

anyways, my main point from all this is that ik people love to say zuko/katara fit surrogate siblings (which i hate btw), but it’s mostly said because of katara/azula’s similar age. it doesnt matter that aang is 12, though, because honestly, he fits the “found-sibling” dynamic a lot better because of how zuko used to see aang in relation to azula. it just works better thematically. especially, because like i’ve said, and as so many people in fandom point out: zuko and katara are similar (some people... antis.. would say “too” similar). and when has zuko ever seen azula as being similar to himself? exactly. 

[spinaroos-47]

Man, this episode sdfjnsfdnnjf

also i got the prediction so wrong jdssnfdndf

“Hopefully Vee and Camila centric. Maybe she gets the messages and videos finally (which is a terrifying though since, yknow, that would mean that the portal got fixed). Besides that i dont know what else could happen.

That or maybe Luz tried to reach out to someone, maybe another attempt at her portal or she reaches out to the owlfam or someone else (maybe someone who does know how to help on making the portal)”

I think the only right thing was that Camila and Vee did appear for a moment (but also to be fair this was made before reaching out got a synopsis so I was going from the name alone)

This episode might take the crown for episode that made me cry the most, echoes of the past surprisingly is on second place now after almost a year

Aaaaand make me realize I might have some daddy issues, but thats for later in the post dsnjdsnj

I’ll get this out of the way already:

YOU FUCKING DORK I LOVE YOU

(And I appreciate this got brought up again. “Are you good now?” njdsnjdgnjd)

Also the hovering spell. Give me the glyph combination

I do like how casually luz got Eda’s jakcet fdsjndfsnj it’s cute

About Alador, I do like how they handled him. I was unsure on the end but when I was rambling about the episode on discord, someone pointed out that he only mentioned talking about Amity’s problem with Odalia, not his. Which, oof for Amity. I really do feel so bad for her, she clearly liked him way more than her mom, she wanted to have something in common with him besides abominations, she wanted to understand him. And he doesn’t even pay a lot of attention to her or the twins’s lives, he didn’t know she was dating Luz. And I do get why she cares a lot about him, that little soft moment at the start pretty much shows a little bit of why she wants to connect with him. I do get why she wants to have an actual good relationship with him, why she went “it’s a start”, just like Willow said to her in Understanding Willow. (which also I’m glad she’s taking notes from Willow’s approach to a topic like this)

I’m glad she set boundaries with him, didn’t want a hug and instead just held his hand. And her saying SHE is making her own choices now, it’s so amazing for her, I’m so glad she’s not going to ler herself be controled by them anymore!

(also her not wanting to join a coven anymore, her joining the EC being Odalia’s want, not hers and Odalia wanting to dye her hair green again? Wow the growth and oof that sucks)

I mentioned on another post but that did make me realize I might have some daddy issues, last week i did mention Alador looked a lot like my dad, and the bit about not paying much attention...yeah (its not as serious as Alador, but it’s still there a bit). Even the wanting to connect with him felt very familiar. 

(And yes boo your dad)

Going from one dad talk to another, OUCH

Luz’s dad and everything related to that day, her wanting to ignore it as much as possible, that really hurt. I’m happy they’re adressing her mental health/emotional issues, she really needs it. She was so scared of being left alone with her thoughts, she messed things up, she messed Amity’s plan, she obviously didn’t mean to, but she did. Luz herself said that it doesn’t excuse what she did, but she was being very hard on herself and bottling and brushing her feelings aside isn’t the answer, it’s the problem that caused all that in the first place.

She has a lot on her hands, she’s lost, but the owlfam and her friends are there for her, and I’m happy she’s starting to accept that more and more for her

It’s not easy for her, but she shouldn’t deal with it alone

And on the writing side of things, it’s good that it showed that her self worth doubts and fear of burdering others from Separate Tides aren’t gone. Eda’s talk with her did help, but yeah it’s not something that magically goes away

Okay, that was a lot to write djjfdsnjsfd I think I’ll start commenting on the B plot because oof I need that

I loved this Eda, King and Ed trio we got, I never expected them to work so well together! This depth of the twins was really good! Ed being insecure about his interests and him getting positive reactions about them was so good! He’s great, I can’t believe I held a grudge for them for so long

ALSO, him and Em knowing quite a bit about other tracks of magic??? AMAZING

I’ll cherish this forever, HE’S PART OF THE BAD GIRL COVEN NOW! (Em too!)

And we know what goreberries look like now!

I do really want their magic illusion stone gem things, would love to use those in the winter

AND HE GOT THE BAT!!!

And one last thing before my more short commentary, it’s really intriguing the day of unity reveal we got

It’s going to unite them with the Titan, “ won’t be inivitng to magickind, wild or not”. Some people say that it’s going to unite the witches and demons to the Titan to get more Titan blood to go to the human realm which, 1) yikes, 2) yeah I can see that happening. But the second thing makes me unsure about it, “won’t be inviting to magickind” sounds more like just taking their magic away

So yeah, and now, random commentaries

1) I like his outfit 2) Odalia’s hair looks a lot like s1 Amity (yikes) 3) RAEDA 4) DARIUS IS THERE (and not with his abomination hair yet) 5) Warden Wrath is there too

I like the voice faking thing, very smart

I could totally cosplay Ed like this, just need a yellow shirt and a tiara and I’m all good to go askjdjsfdj

“my student/child” NEVER SHUTTING UP ABOUT IT

AND MIGHTY MITTENS!!! I think she’s starting to embrace the nickname

“Nah, too close to Eda”, she’s great

Eda poofing from her harpy form was amazing (and hell yes she was ready to punch Alador because of Escaping Expulsion)

AMITY DID A PLANT GLYPH AND ITS WONKY AND SHE PAID SO MUCH ATTENTION TO LUZ’S GLYPHS

And the human realm bit, AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

This was great

[azenta]

hey! this is the person that sent you the ask about 467, yeah, I meant 468 vs 478 but I fucked up :’) what you said about looking at each part of the tritype independently was pretty good advice, though i’m unsure what’s the difference between 6/7 when it comes to head issues, thanks again!

So, I'll compare both independently of the tritype they're in, then I'll briefly mention how they interrelate with 4 and 8 in a tri.

6 vs 7

The sole common point they have is they both deal with fear, else than that, they have nothing in common. It's the wing that usually bring confusion, but I'll get on that later.

Something interesting with fear is that it is known to create at least three kind of reaction known as Fight, Flight or Freeze. There is also a fourth kind of reaction against fear known as Fawn, which is worth considering in this case. Interestingly enough, those reactions fit well with the three head types. 5s freeze, p6 fawns, cp6s fight, and 7s avoid. From there, you already get an interesting starting point which will be the basis on which every tactics that will follow is based on. So, keep in mind that everything 6s do is either as a way to ''seduce'' (fawn) the threat, to win their good grace somehow, or to fight what scares them, and whatever 7s do is to avoid the threat.

Now, I'll proceed to show the main trauma that brought them into their head space and the three mechanisms they use to fawn/fight or avoid fear.

(Left: 6s - Right: 7s)

Original trauma: Superego vs Id

If you are not familiar with those terms, I would suggest to read a little about them before continuing, since I won’t cover them. It’s from psychanalytic, from Freud’s work.

Both have a different part of the psyche that has been traumatized. 6s trauma lies in the superego, which means their fear comes from succeeding or failing to apply the guidelines and rules they have internalized so far in their life. However, 6s became 6s because those guidelines were inconsistent and full of contradictions, leading them into the head space and being torn between their own reasoning and those inconsistent lessons. It leaves them in constant uncertainty and doubts, perpetually affecting their sense and need for security. As their issue lies with security and superego, they turn themselves both outward and inward. Outward as a mean to find this ‘’authority’’ that would finally tell them what’s really right or wrong, and inward because they also internalized set of ‘’right or wrong’’, which they ironically distrust as it was inconsistent. This leads 6s to never fully trust anyone, including themselves, as what they have previously learned taught them external rules (authorities) were untrustworthy or unreliable, but consequently left them with an unreliable inner guidance. Therefore, they cannot even trust their own judgements as they feel it is incomplete.

On the other hand, 7s trauma lies in Id, which means their fear comes from their primal desires, including the primal response for a need being insatiate, being refused. 7s became 7s rather because they felt castrated from their needs. In other words, their needs were frustrated, blocked and/or repressed. Even their most simple desires were refused. They felt stuck and imprisoned. Of course, this affected their sense of security, as never having the simple certainty of their needs being met can only bring a latent fear and anticipation of what else they’ll be lacking of. This left 7s in a perpetual state of vigilance and movement. They are perpetually anticipating the feeling of lack, which is why they are constantly on the move and why they never truly feel safe. Needs always demand a constant care, as they are ever temporarily satiated. However, they also never truly learned the distinction between desires and needs, as both were indiscriminately treated and repressed. Thus why 7s pursue anything that mimics the sense of fulfillment felt when a need is met. This also makes 7s extremely sensitive to anything that would remotely restrain them from attaining whatever they desire, and this is why they are prone to fear any kind of commitment and flee away.

So, to compare rapidly, 6s deal with correctness and lack of trust in what to believe as right or wrong, and 7s deal with desires and needs, and a constant fear (anticipation) of lacking what they need. Even as fixes, it still implies that when faced to fear and security, a person with a 6 fix has issues with the superego part of security (dis/trust in right or wrong), and a person with a 7 fix has issues with the id part of security (desires, needs and anticipating the lack).

Those trauma are also responsible to create one of the strategy below. 6s to cope with their superego learned to be compliant, while 7s learned to be assertive.

Compliant vs Assertive (1,2,6 - 3,7,8)

Rapidly, any type that have issues with superego has learned to be compliant (1,2,6), and any type that has issues with Id has learned to be assertive (3,7,8). I'll mention briefly we also got types that have issues with the ego part of the psyche and have learned to be withdrawn as a strategy (4,5,9), but it doesn't concern the question asked, so I won’t extrapolate on them.

6s therefore have learned to comply to their superego, which means they will obey/attack what they believe is right/wrong. In the p6 case, this means they will accommodate to anything required that is deemed good to be deemed good and thus safe, which is the fawn approach. Of course, we got cp6s, and they are rather renown to be rebellious, but that's still in line with compliance. Whatever is deemed wrong is a threat to 6s, as what is wrong is what can cause them instability. Cp6s actually complies when they choose to fight. They choose to believe what they are faced to is threatening. It's the same principle as a guard in a castle, ready to attack mercilessly at any threat to the authority figures. The guard has chosen to believe in the authority figures, the same as if they rebel and would have chosen they aren't trustworthy of being authority figures. In any case, 6s comply to those internalized rules, the problem is they never are settled on what's truly right or wrong, thus why they can make a 180° in their stance and go from loyal dog to the rebellious traitor, even tho in any situation they are convinced of their loyalty to a higher authority.

7s on the other hand have learned to assert whenever they anticipate the feeling of lack. This means they will mindlessly act on whatever they feel they desire or need. They don't want to ever feel cut off from their needs again, therefore they will push forward until they get what they want. This is the only way they have to prevent the feeling of lack, to avoid feeling stuck again and so, to feel some form of security. Therefore, assertion is use as a mean to avoid lacking.

It's not a question of fulfilling basic needs or lack for 6s, all 6s want is gaining certainty on what’s right or wrong, therefore their desires are their last concerned. Their safe haven is gaining something or someone that solidifies their conviction into anything at all. Meanwhile, there is no question of right or wrong with 7s, it's much more about this "ride or die" mentality, as in I either move or die from lack. Therefore, it is a question of gaining certainty and following the right principles that matter for 6s, and a question of always meeting one's needs and desires for 7s, in order to feel safe.

Reactive vs Positive outlook (4,6,8 - 2,7,9)

This mechanism is related to the emotion itself, when they actually are in a situation that instigate it. 

When faced with fear, 6s get into reaction. It means they will actively face the issue, as if the worst is happening and they need to react asap. In 6s case, they go into panic mode, because fear implies doubts, it means uncertainty, it means a blurry line around what is right or wrong. Nothing is so sure anymore, therefore they need to trouble shoot the situation, and as head core, it will be all about over-analysis. They’ll become distrustful, harsh, wary, doubtful, critical, hesitant, unsettled on anything, paranoid at worst. They'll question everything in every angle possible, and will mostly be disagreeable about it. In other words, reactive implies embracing fully the emotion and therefore, impulsively acting on its whim.

When faced with fear, which implies anticipating being stuck or actually feeling stuck for 7s, they look for the brighter side, which means always believing in a way to succeed to get what they want. It helps them escape from a reality where they might experience feeling stuck. It's not simple optimism, it's voluntarily blinding themselves to part of reality that stresses them due to the restriction it makes them feel. It's a fixation on only what they want to feel certain and secure they won't really lack of anything.

To compare them more closely, 6s when experiencing fear are unmistakable, as they don't only deal with it internally, they also exteriorize it as they experience it. They both search for reassurance all while being defensive, usually making them chatty and extremely persistent and insistent. They want to get an answer, but trust no one, not even themselves. While 7s go through a form of denial by narrowing their view on only what matters to them. It makes them extremely distracted, unconcerned, unbothered and evasive. It can even mimick ADD symptoms when they experience intensely fear. So, on one hand you got someone who will totally make their problems yours, and on the other, someone who pretends there is no problem at all. 7s on this aspect are therefore more subtle with when they deal with fear.

Attachment vs Idealism (3,6,9 - 1,4,7)

This mechanism is about object relation, which means what kind of mechanisms they use to attach/detach from situation/people. The attachment and detachment are both related to their primary needs, which is about security in this case.

6s are quite simple, they use attachment as a mean to gain security. They seek to attach themselves, as they are on a perpetual quest for something or someone they can trust, guide them and simply bring them a coherent sense of right and wrongness in themselves. However, I wouldn't say it spares them from commitment phobia as they are naturally distrustful. They strongly seek to attach themselves, but they are extremely picky on what or who. Ironically, this prevent them from building their own judgement and make them perpetually vulnerable to doubts, as they continue relying on something external to them to bring security. And this doubt always end up lurking and often sabotage their attachment as they then question how true or reliable it really is. But they would rather have something than nothing.

7s use idealism as a mechanism, which is more tricky if left unexplained. It means they set a(n unreasonable) standard of what they need to involve or detach themselves from a situation or person. In general, this mechanism more often than not serve to justify not attaching themselves too much to anything. 7s experienced lack, they experienced a situation and/or person that failed to answer to their needs, therefore they've created standard to prevent experiencing ever again that situation. There idealism will usually revolve around always feeling full and free, something or someome that will never make them feel restrained. This is unrealistic as what is deem a restraint is most likely a distorted interpretation born from their fear, but this idealism is allowing them to feel and stay free.

So, 6s want to attach themselves to something or someone, to feel supported, while 7s rather avoid attachment by maintaining an ideal of freedom that is unsustainable and unrealistic.

Beware: 6w7 vs 7w6

I have to warn about the wing as it will blurr the line considerably. To determine which is the "core" and which is the wing, it is to see if the strategy of either support the strategy of the other. E.g. when faced with fear: what do you fear? Is it not knowing what's right/wrong or is it lacking in something that you deem is needed? Does your distrust allow you to stay free or does staying free justify not having to trust anyone? Do you wander and keep acting on desires to prevent lack or to comply to what you think is right?

In the end, it's extremely important to take the time to ask yourself the reasoning behind any action, especially if you know it is fueled by fear.

468 vs 478

For the concerned tritypes, I'll be short. I consider that to get your exact tritype, you should look for each component separately, then add each part one by one, and proceed to notice how it all interact together. So I would NOT advise taking the below behavioral descriptions as a way to validate which you are, but as a way to form a broad idea of the tritypes you are concerned about. Remember they are much more similar than different, this is why it would be unproductive to try determining your tri by looking at the final product.

I'll be emphasizing solely on the differences. So, don't take those as a full tritype description. It would be much longer.

478 is double reactive and double assertive, so double Id, while 468 is triple reactive. 468 can comply on certain instances, while 478 have an evasive shade.

This means 478 implies more instances of pushing and being slighlty more preoccupied with getting what they want. When healthy, they'll be good at asserting themselves and putting limits. When unhealthy, they are certainly childish, unconcerned, brutish and probably considered as some pretentious bully.

468 implies being kind of emotionally transparent. There is no way you can hide your emotions if you deem yourself a triple reactive, for the better and worst. When healthy, it would also imply being concerned with articulating what you feel and so, getting good at it. When unhealthy, you are likely called crazy and unbearable.

Also, the order where 6 and 7 are will accentuate or dilute those differences. As a last fix, those differences would be subtle.

So... That's what I had to offer for the matter. Remember that all the behaviors mentioned are reactions to fear. If you do any of the above and it's not motivated by fear or a need for security, than it's neither 6 or 7 acting up. What matters is the motivation behind, not the behavior. If you have more specific questions, even if it's about the tritypes themselves, don't hesitate to ask. Questions help me approach different angles of the same topic usually.

[nobodyfamousposts]

Miraculous Salt: Bustier

Fair warning: There are some dark and potentially triggering things discussed. Assault, domestic violence, drug use, overdose, and attempted murder are implied if not outright mentioned.

“Today, class, I’ve asked a special guest to come speak to you!” Bustier greeted them all with a smile. She gestured to the woman next to her, a young adult they hadn’t seen before. She seemed a bit nervous awkward, but was dressed professionally and tried to appear confident.

Bustier clasped her hands together.

“Vivienne is a former student of mine from a few years back. She going to talk to us about positive examples and appropriate behavior in the classroom.”

Marinette slumped in her seat, already knowing what this was about and just whom this lecture was meant for. Bustier’s frequent looks at Marinette weren’t even necessary. The fact that several of the other students shot glances back to her made it clear they knew as well.

Apparently Bustier’s lectures to Marinette about the high road and helping her classmates weren’t enough anymore. Now it just felt like she was making a spectacle to prove a point.

The woman, Vivienne, looked to Bustier in confusion.

“I thought I was supposed to give a lecture about preparation for the future?”

“Well certainly.” Bustier agreed, smiling brightly and indulgently. “And about how a good future for everyone can be started by setting an appropriate example in the here and now.”

Several of the students around her nodded. Lila sent a smug look back at her. Marinette merely wanted to crawl under her desk.

The woman stared at Bustier in open-mouthed surprise.

“Are you joking?”

Bustier appeared startled. “I’m sorry?”

“Are you actually joking? Did you mean to tell me you brought me here. All this way. On a weekday. To give a lecture to students about your downright toxic classroom habits?”

Everyone’s eyes widened. Their mouths opened. Because…no one just talked to Bustier like that. She was a teacher! And she was so nice!

Bustier herself was frozen in shock.

“Excuse me?”

“No. No. You’re right. You had me come to give a speech to your class. Fine. I’m going to talk to them.”

She cleared her throat and turned to the class.

“Listen to me. All of you, but especially you in the back because it seems you are Bustier’s target of the year.” She said, looking around to everyone in the class though her eyes remained mostly on Marinette. “You have the right to feel angry when you are wronged. You have the right to be upset when someone hurts you. You have every right to not forgive the one who does it. It is not your fault when someone does wrong. It is not your responsibility for someone else’s choices. You are under NO obligation—ABSOLUTELY NONE to make the person hurting you feel better about it! And at some point, you need to consider what is best for yourself and your life, even if it means cutting people out of it and letting them face the consequences of their actions.”

“What are you doing?” Bustier demanded, outraged.

“Telling them the truth.” Vivienne stated flatly. “It’s the least I could do after what you did to me and my class thanks to your ‘approach’.”

“But you were a great example for your classmates.”

“No, I was their stepping stone and in some cases, their punching bag. And look how well that turned out! I’m STILL in therapy because of you!”

Bustier gaped in horror.

“Yeah, turns out that constantly pushing myself to take on the burden for everyone else’s choices isn’t actually healthy! Either for me OR anyone else.” Vivienne huffed. “And I have you to blame for a huge part of that.”

She pointed at Bustier in outrage.

“Because of you and your lessons, I lost my ability to be assertive. I became passive to the point of being a doormat, and it’s something that STILL affects me today! Because under YOUR guidance, I was taught that other people’s behaviors were MY fault. That if someone was being cruel or hurting me, it was because I wasn’t trying hard enough. That it was MY obligation to make bad people better rather than their own. And that if I tried to speak up for myself, I was the one in the wrong. Especially when you dragged my parents into things and portrayed the entire mess like it was my fault for not being okay with my treatment instead of concern over how I was being treated.”

“Now now, you’re over-exaggerating.” Bustier argued in that annoyingly placating tone.

“You made it MY job to try and better people who didn’t WANT to be better. I was thirteen! I was a student in your care! How was that supposed to be MY job? My only job was supposed to be to learn, and because of you, I’ve learned all the wrong lessons!”

She rubbed her face, frustrated and exasperated and just done with this whole thing.

“I don’t know what’s healthy or not. I don’t know when I’m being selfish or when I’m supposed to let something go. I still freeze up when dealing with people because even years later, I still have your voice ringing in my head about how I need to be ‘the better person’ regardless of whether I actually CAN.”

She stopped and took a breath. Then turned on Bustier, appearing truly angry with the woman.

“You pushed me to the point of self-destruction and said that was love.”

“I’m sorry that you apparently had a rough time of things,” Bustier fumbled. “But I can’t be held responsible for how every student turns out.”

“THEN YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE BECOME A TEACHER!”

Bustier reared back as if struck by a physical blow.

Vivienne breathed deeply, trying to get herself back under control.

“You had a position of power and authority over me. And you used it to push your responsibility on me. To push the responsibility for EVERYONE in that class on me. On top of my own schoolwork. My own issues. My own responsibilities. I had to deal with yours and everyone else’s. Their well being. Their futures. Their selfish little wants and requests I didn’t have time or energy for but was still expected to fulfill. All of that. On me. And now you’ve even gone so far as to bring me here to advocate for you doing the same thing to someone else? And you don’t see anything wrong with that?”

Vivienne gestured to her chest, agitated and hurt and just…finally letting years worth of frustration out.

“Doing what you did? Pushing things the way you did? You put an unreasonable burden on a child. All in the name of being a ‘good example’ for how other people should be. Guess what? The only thing being a ‘good example’ accomplished was showing people what to expect from others rather than anything they should expect from themselves.”

She glared at Bustier.

“I did some reading on psychology after leaving your class. Turns out the thing you missed about modeling is that it’s the ADULTS who are supposed to model for their kids, not other kids under their care and especially NOT the ones being victimized.”

Bustier forced herself to speak. “But…everyone deserves a chance.”

“You have students that struggle. It’s common. They need extra care. That’s understandable.” Vivienne agreed. “The problem is that instead of being the teacher you are supposed to be and giving them that care yourself, you instead push that responsibility on your other students when it should never have been their responsibility in the first place!”

“They can’t change and do better if everyone is expecting them to fail.” Bustier reasoned.

“Maybe so, but they’re certainly not going to change if they don’t see a reason they should. Giving bullies a free pass and then lecturing their victims on ‘being the bigger person’ after they’ve been hurt because of the bullying is NOT going to motivate the bully to change anymore than it’s going to motivate the victims to keep trying! Was it any wonder so many of your students just gave up?”

Bustier’s eyes widened in shock.

“What?”

“Yeah, it turns out that I’m not the only student who left your class with problems down the line. Big surprise, but being reprimanded for feeling hurt and being told that their feelings are less important than those of the ones harming them isn’t exactly motivation to keep going out of their way to do their best. Not in grades, which unsurprisingly fell amongst students in your class by the final year. Not in activities, which—surprise surprise! Your students stopped being invested in because you kept pushing for everyone else to work twice as hard for something that you were letting other students get full advantage of with nowhere near the same effort! Was it any wonder that I was the only one you were able to browbeat into doing anything by the end? It was because everyone else got disillusioned and stopped trying! Because you rewarded the bad students and admonished the good students if they took issue with that. They weren’t blind! They know favoritism when they see it!”

The class was staring. Unsure what to say. Or if they even should speak.

“Oh, and on the subject of favoritism. You surely remember Candace—my bully whose behavior you defended and minimized? Yeah, she’s in jail. Again. For causing a scene in a public setting. Again. And even assaulting police, which is actually a new one for her this time around. But it’s her standard behavior. It’s all she knows how to do. Because you and people like you catered to her tantrums and brattish behavior, gave her whatever she wanted, and admonished anyone who complained about how she treated them.”

“Well…” Bustier simpered. “Treating her cruelly isn’t changing her now, is it?”

“Because she’s an adult used to getting her way!” Vivienne exclaimed. “The time to teach her better was when she was young. It was when she was still a student under YOUR care! Instead, you solidified her into the messed up adult she is today! Speaking of messed up adults, how about dear old Henrik? You remember him?”

“He…he was…a perfect student…” Bustier muttered, uncertain and wary.

“Sure was. Your model student. He sure road your high horse all throughout school and even all the way to his own wedding to Delia—your OTHER favorite student to coddle. You must have been so proud of how that turned out. And even after she’s cheated on him. Among other things. He’d be the picture of domestic violence at this point…you know…if he could actually acknowledge that the relationship is even abusive.”

She sighed.

“But he still insists he can ‘change her’. That he can ‘help her be better’. And some other reasons about ‘make a bad person be good’ that sounds like the sort of tripe you fed him. You know, most of us just thought he was a wannabe stud who like having girls rubbing themselves all over him. It never occurred to us that he was uncomfortable and just didn’t know how to ask them to stop.”

Several of the students gasped in shock. Adrien in particular appeared uncomfortable, like the story was a point for him in particular. Remembering the way Chloe and Lila hung off him, Marinette had to wonder if Adrien and this Henrik didn’t have a few concerning things in common.

Vivienne, however, continued. And even started to tick off on her fingers. “Elodie joined the police force and is so caught up in her own brand of ‘justice’ that she jumps into things without thinking and a number of her arrests ended up going free regardless of the charge due to her not following procedure. Arthur was always the sort to ‘go with the flow’ rather than stand up for anything, so he ‘went with the flow’ all the way to a strip club where he spends his nights, still waiting on some new job opportunity Delia promised him years ago. Kent and Morgan were arrested for embezzlement of some charity’s funds. Michael works at a repair shop, so he has a steady job at least. Sam’s charged for property destruction from illegal street racing. Again. Vincent is claiming some close relationship with Jagged Stone that I don't even want to consider. Randall died from drug overdose last year, otherwise I’m sure you would have called him up instead of me.”

Everyone gaped at her in growing horror. Alya and Max both seemed to be looking at their phones, only to wince or appear more agitated with whatever they found—Marinette assumed it was likely proof of Vivienne’s claims. Bustier looked almost ready to faint at the news of what’s become of her former students.

Vivienne just tapped her chin.

“And you know, now that I think about it, it makes sense that you called me out of everyone to come lecture your class because I think I’m probably the only former student NOT a complete wreck—if only because I’m a few steps away from it thanks to therapy.”

She sneered at Bustier in downright disgust.

“All these people you said it was my job to save. All of them—every single one of them fell apart when I finally gave up. Though they were admittedly barely hanging on as it was while they still had me to dump on. And I’m pretty sure that I could have been a millionaire by now if I’d held firm on charging people for the things they wanted from me instead of bowing to your insistence on doing things for people for free to be ‘nice’. Or, you know…NOT wasting my time and giving up on my own opportunities to pull everyone else out of the fires they kept starting.”

Feeling the weight of everyone’s gazes on her, Bustier spoke up to attempt to defend herself.

“To make a healthy classroom—”

“Your classroom isn’t healthy!” Vivienne shouted. And it was only now that Marinette realized there was a growing number of people hovering outside the door and listening in. “It says something that we have a magical emotion-based terrorist running around and his most frequent targets other than a guy obsessed with pigeons have been your students! Hell, in the past year the majority of akuma attacks have all been from this very class! If i didn’t already know you were doing this all along, I would think you were grooming these kids to be taken by Hawk Moth!"

“They’re not...that bad...” Bustier weakly defended.

“One of your students is the girl who tried to CRASH A TRAIN! And it didn’t take me all of five minutes after entering to see you catering to what can only be a chronic liar.”

Lila immediately started the waterworks. “How could you say that about me?”

“Actually, I hadn’t pointed you out. But thanks for doing it yourself, and while we’re on the subject, GOOGLE. Five minutes is more than enough to debunk your stories. Anyone could do it if they bothered to. Which might have gone a long way in preventing the classroom from becoming toxic, Bustier, if you had helped to develop your students’ critical thinking skills so they could figure things out for themselves instead of demanding they become doormats to make other people ‘feel better’.”

“I—I—” Bustier looked almost ready to cry.

“Couldn’t be bothered to tell them they’re being lied to?” Vivienne asked, sarcastically.

“She has a condition! I didn’t want to impair her ability to make friends!” Bustier exclaimed, making the class stare at her in growing horror. Others turned on Lila in outrage at the confirmation. Lila in turn started to shrink in on herself, realizing that this had not been the best time to draw attention.

“So you protect one student by letting the rest be used and manipulated. It’s not like that can go wrong! Just ask Henrik…as soon as he gets out of the hospital.”

One student—Rose—actually raised her hand. “What…what happened to Henrik?”

“Officially, food poisoning.” Vivienne replied. “Unofficially, Delia only married him because he’s rich and good as arm candy, but she only needs him alive for one of those two things and his moral righteousness makes him less appealing as the latter.”

Bustier wobbled, her strength giving out. She quickly made it to her chair and almost fell onto it as the sheer magnitude of what was happening hit her.

“But…I don’t understand. It can’t be me. I’m…I’m a good teacher…”

“No.” Vivienne interrupted. “You’re a nice teacher. At least to certain students. For everyone else, you taught pretty words and preached about love and kindness to help build up a rose-tinted view of the world and the people in it. It’s no wonder nobody knew how to deal afterwards.”

“But…it can’t be my fault.” She insisted. “I’m only one influence! There are parents! Guardians!”

Yeah, no. Vivienne was not letting her pass the blame.

“Whom YOU spoke with. Whom YOU influenced with your position to put focus on the wrong problems—not what needed to be addressed but what you wanted to make your classroom easier for you. Parents don’t know what their kids are doing during school hours other than what they’re told is happening. And when they’re told that their kid is ‘problematic’ or ‘causing conflict’ or ‘not a team player’ but they’re not being told WHY? Or not being told that their kid is being mistreated, bullied, or outright assaulted? And those parents then turn on the kids?”

She shrugged.

“Honestly, what were we supposed to think?”

Bustier shook her head, now crying.

“I can’t fix everything!”

Vivienne stared, solemnly.

“But you could have helped. You just…choose not to.”

She looked back to the class.

“Don’t trust blindly. Stand up for yourself without pushing on others. Remember that you are allowed to have limits. And sometimes…” Her eyes fell back on Marinette. “Sometimes, it’s better to just cut out the weeds than hope flowers grow.”

With that, she turned and left the classroom, the various students and faculty listening in parting before her.

It was cold outside. Almost matching the feeling in her chest.

And yet, she let out a sigh.

“Now that’s the closure I’ve been looking for.”

And she carried on.