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hauntedwitch04 · 1 year ago

Text

Just a Mirror

Sam Winchester x plus size!Reader

Words: about 6.3k words

Warning: saddy sadness, and some allusion to sexy time, eating disorder, hating on your own person, please be careful if you sensible about this themes

REQUEST: Hi :) I saw that your requests are open, and I was wondering if you could do a Sam Winchester x plus sized reader; an angsty fluffy friends to lovers that has some smut and reader hating herself in the mirror and possibly problems with eating

Author’s note: Hi love! Thank you @desicroft02 so much for your request. I felt really inspired by your idea love and I hope you like how it came out, if you don't find yourself with what i wrote, feel free to say it to me and I'll write to you a new one !

p.s.I got very caught up in the topic, since it is something I feel very close to. I was never the skinny girl, but with the years I've grown used to feel different to others girls, and even if sometimes I really hate what I see in the mirror, I kinda arrived to the point that I see both the flaws and the strenghts of my body and I love both, but some of my closest friend and this kinda of disorder and I tried to help them the way aI could so this one is for them too.

In case you need someone to talk to, I am always here, don't be afraid to seek help because often having someone close by to remind you that the volume of that evil voice we hear inside can be lowered or eliminated is important.

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Why?

This is the only question that floats in your mind, while, with thick tears in your eyes, you try to read the enormous book about whatever monster you are hunting with your friends in this little city, forgotten by God.

You and your childhood best friends are hunting some monster that you still haven't been able to figure out what it is, despite the fact that you are reading yet another list of monstrous animals in the story, while Dean and Sam are still out at the bar where you had decided to spend the evening, and from which you had decided to escape as quickly as possible, without giving any kind of explanation to the two hunters, holding back tears and trying not to meet their confused gaze

You and the boys have been friends since you were six and they were seven and eleven. You met on a rainy October day when you were still living at Bobby's house, after your father had died in a hunting accident after leaving you with him, and being his friend and seeing him almost as a brother he couldn't help but welcome you and raise you as if you were his own daughter.

Dean and Sam had just been left in the rain on the narrow dirt road by their father when you looked out and saw these two cold, sad, and at the same time angry children. You could see the resentment they felt for the man who looked less and less like a father and more and more like an army general, ready to train soldiers and not raise children. Immediately you went to Bobby and told him of the presence of those two unknown children who were in your driveway. He had immediately run to get them and brought them inside the house, worried that they would get sick from standing in the rain, and wondering why their father had left them there, without saying anything.

"He said he didn't have time to explain and that he had to get there as fast as he could, but that he would call you this evening." Said the older of the two once they were seated on the couch in what must once have been a beautiful dining room, and was now more like an ever-growing mountain of books. It is to your adoptive father that you owe all the culture and ability to read texts on the supernatural that most hunters would not even know how to open.

As he spoke you could see the blond child trying to hold back the sadness within himself and show himself as a big boy, almost pretending to understand why his father abandoned them like that without saying a word; in contrast, the one who was supposed to be the smaller of the two, with unruly brown hair, looked more like a beaten puppy, as he wetly moved his feet lazily on the floor, listening to what his brother had to say, but not hiding his sadness and anger at his daddy's decision.

"Baby, couldn't you get Sammy a glass of water for him while Dean and I go make a call for a minute?" Bobby then asked you suddenly, and you realized that you were lost in thought as you watched and studied those boys. You nodded quickly, trying not to let it show that you had spent all that time staring at them, as you heard Bobby's voice and that of the blond boy, apparently named Dean, drift away, only to hear the front door open and close.

After a few minutes you returned to the living room with a glass in your hand, and walked over to the brown-eyed boy, who was now looking at you and smiling shyly. You handed him the glass with a beaming smile, and he could do nothing but blush a little and retract his body a little, letting shyness take possession of him as he took the glass.

"Thank you." He told you in a faint voice.

"You're welcome." You replied as you sat next to him on the sofa.

"My name is Sam." He said, only to freeze and blush again as he held out a hand for you to shake, just as grown-ups do. You told him your name, and he commented that it was a very nice name, and that he liked it a lot, before going back to being silent and staring into the sad void.

You not being able to see what you considered a new friend feel so bad, you shamelessly asked him why his father had left him there and if that was why he was sad. He turned to look at you, and unknown how, he burst into tears, while with his hands he covered his face, not wanting to be seen as weak with someone he had just met, but you didn't give a damn.

Immediately you hugged him and listened to him talk about how his father was behaving with them, how his brother was struggling more and more to hide that he was tired of his parent's behavior, and how he was lonely and sad, constantly changing towns and seeing nothing but his family. That poor seven-year-old seemed to be thirty years old because of the problems he was telling you about, and as much as you were even younger because you were only six, you felt like you could understand him, because for a while that had also been your life before your father passed away.

You remained thus cuddled on the couch and fell asleep, lulled by the warmth of the fire slightly away from you and the new friendly presence that had entered your lives that afternoon, so much so that when Bobby and Dean returned after trying for a varied amount of time to contact John, and finally once succeeding in being insulted and put down by him, they both smiled at the sight of those two small and defenseless children embracing each other, as if to protect each other from the world. But no one knew that night before you fell asleep you had promised to protect each other forever, no matter how, when or why you would always be there for each other.

That was how you got to know the Winchester brothers, and the hatred for their father also began.

You awaken from your thoughts when you hear the motel door open and close, realizing that another time had gone into the whirlwind of memories and you were lost in remembering again when life was easy. You hear someone coming toward you with heavy footsteps, so you wipe away the tears you didn't know were there on your cheeks, which like small streams had almost made a furrow along your skin by now.

You sense right away who it is, but you don't have the strength to turn around so you continue to cry silently as you feel two arms wrapped around you, and Dean's warm body resting on your back as he leans down so that he can put his head in the crook of your neck and hold you better. Ever since the two of you met it was immediately like big brother and little sister between the two of you, and even now despite the fact that it has been a long time since you were children and in your spare time you enjoyed stealing cherries from the neighbor's tree, there is still that complicity and understanding between the two of you that once existed.

He knows exactly why you escaped so suddenly from the dive bar you were both in a few hours ago. Sam had seen a beautiful girl, the classic cover model of some magazine, slim and with all her shape in the right place, taking a drink at the bar, looking seductively at him as she put the drink straw between her lips. Sam's hormones had not let him repeat twice that clear call to fuck directly in the bar's bathroom, a bathroom from which you were coming out as he was sticking his tongue down the throat of that fake and at the same time perfect babe, who in his arms looked so small and yet in the right place, toned against his strong muscles, as opposed to how you would have looked with your shapely body. You couldn't stand there and watch the boy you love for so long now make out with someone else, so without explanation you left and went back to the motel where you took two bedrooms for the case. Usually you take two rooms only when Dean wanted to find someone to take to bed, unlike Sam who kept his sex life much more private than his brother, but since he and Cas had come out a few months ago you had not taken the second room, having practically grown up together and thus having no problem sharing space. That night, however, when you had arrived in the small town Sam had insisted on taking a second room, and stubbornly had not told his older brother why when he had asked him, and somehow your heart was preparing for what would happen, but in fact nothing would totally prepare you for what you would see in that bar and how your heart would break.

Dean squeezes you tightly, as if he is afraid you will disappear at any moment, and that heartfelt squeeze only makes you break the weak dam you had built when you saw him come in, and you burst into endless weeping.

"I know baby, I know." That's all the blond man can manage to say to you, as he gets you up and carries you toward the bed, so you can lie down and take off your shoes, before coming close to you and holding you in his arms, until exhausted, you fall asleep safe in Dean's strong hold, while he whispers soothing words to you.

The next morning you wake up with the sun gently caressing your face from over Dean's shoulder. You smile for a second, imagining what it would be like to wake up in the other Winchester's arms, and soon after your heart, as if pierced by an arrow, bleeds at the memory of what happened last night. You get up, shifting your friend's arms, and go to the bathroom to wash and freshen up, when you hear the door to your room open, and a male voice, known even too well, shout to your still sleeping friend.

"Dean, wake up!" Sam yells, and you behind the door hold a hand over your heart, just imagining her beauty after her usual morning run to stay in shape. Her long dark hair tied back in a light bun, her forehead sweaty and muscles still tense from exertion.

"I'm awake, you asshole." Dean replies, as you hear him get up and go get some coffee. "You could have deigned to make less noise last damn night, you know there were people here who wanted to sleep."

You hear Sam snort at his brother's words, then respond to him in an aggressive, cold tone.

"Well then there are people who wouldn't want to see you run off to fuck wherever we go, hold hands all the time or make love wherever you are. And you know something else too Dean, I thought you were a better person. Why her? Come on you've had a lot of girls, and it wouldn't cost you anything to find a thousand more, why did you have to choose her!?" Says the younger brother, before leaving the room, slamming the door behind him.

You close your eyes and try to control your breathing as you feel yourself lacking oxygen. You feel tears coming to your eyes, but you try with all your strength to push them back down. You take a few minutes to control your emotions as all you want to do is fall to the floor on your knees and scream until you can't hear yourself anymore, but you stay strong and open the door to see Dean immediately in front of you, looking pained and guilty, seeing your state.

"You didn't tell him." You say in a calm, quiet voice, not asking, but stating that your best friend had not told about his new relationship with our angel friend.

"I never found the right time." Dean tries to say, then looks down. "I never had the courage, every time I seemed to miss the words."

"Sam would never judge you, and you know that." You say as you feel a pang inside your heart, remembering the words the man you love had used a few minutes earlier. You feel your clothes sticking to your body like glue, too tight, so tight that you feel as if they have pre torn. You feel how the floor gives way under your feet, you feel how a billion eyes are on you ready to judge you, you feel something inside you break, but you can't let anyone but yourself see how mere words have hurt you, so you grit your teeth and continue to look at Dean stoically, as you feel a single and only tear escape down your face.

"I know, but I'm afraid in the same way, I don't want it to end like last time." Dean confesses, still looking at the floor, but crying clearly, as his words take you back to when you were nothing more than kids and he had come crying to you one night, confessing that he had fallen in love with a boy he had met during his last case, and that his father after finding out had beaten him so badly that his scars remained, and had forced him to watch pornographic movies, reminding him how "a real man acts." No one had ever seen you as angry as Dean, and Bobby when he heard you scream and came to watch that night as you swore to heaven that you would kill John Winchester. Dean had never told Sam about that episode, not wanting to worry him since he had just run away to study at Stanford, and asked you to do the same. It has been so long since that night, yet the memory of that pain and that man still frightens the wonderful person in front of you.

"But I swear I will. He has no right to think such things about you! I-I will tell him-" He begins to say, as he tries to wipe away the tears running copiously down his face. You, moved in turn and knowing that like you he too was remembering that fateful evening, take his face in your hands and bring his eyes to gaze fixedly into yours.

"No, you won't do it now, you will do it when you feel like it." You comment chuckling as you caress his face. He looks at you unconvinced and you see his inner battle inside whether to accept your proposal or to be as always too good and allow the world to kick him in the balls.

"Please be selfish for once. And if I serve as your cover, so be it, not that I would have had any chance with him anyway." You continue, smiling at him as you feel your heart slowly shatter. You see Dean ready to retort, but you have already disappeared back into the bathroom, crying silently. Once the bathroom door is closed, you stop to look at yourself in the mirror and realize how disgusted you feel about your body.

There is not a single thing about you that you like: your thighs, your arms, your stomach, your chest.

The more you look at yourself, the more you want to break that all-too-truthful mirror, which tells an unfiltered reality, a sad truth that for so long you had tried to ignore, but which now that Sam had spit it in your face you could no longer pretend not to see. So you decide at this very moment that everything was going to change, you don't know how, but it was going to happen.

So weeks go by, Sam still won't talk to you, and slowly you continue to sink into the stupid realization that he doesn't because only he, like you, can really see your body, and that he hates you for it, so now convinced that you have to change your body to be loved, you begin to eat less and less and more rarely, and what little you put in your mouth to make Dean happy, who sees you getting sadder and more tired, is rejected from your stomach just moments later when no one is looking at you. This situation hurts your body and your heart, but you do it so that you can look at yourself in the mirror without wanting to punch him, but things seem to get worse and worse. You look at yourself and you never fit, before you saw a body you didn't like, now beyond that you see a person you don't like.

Dean is getting more and more worried about you, seeing you getting paler and paler and thinner, but every time he tries to talk to you, you put on a smile and pretend that everything is going well and that the only reason your shirts now look huge on you is that you are working out more, but he knows that you never liked sports and that is why he knows you are lying to him. He tried to talk to Sam about what was going on, but all his brother managed to say by pouting was that if he needed relationship advice to go somewhere else and that he didn't want anything to do with the two of you.

Dean was on the verge of smashing the plate he was holding in his face and yelling at him to open his eyes and see that you love him more than Dean does right now and that he is fucking in love with their favorite angel, but then he had seen Castiel's face and knew he couldn't let him down after he asked him to keep a low profile and let as few people as possible know about their relationship.

Dean had never felt so lousy as deciding between the love of his life and a friend in need, but he knew that if you found out what he had done you would insult him, so he played it cool and moved on, as if nothing had happened, while he continued to try to take care of you, with little success.

It's been almost a month since Sam had said those horrible things, and you're not getting worse and worse, but in order not to show it in front of your friends, you keep doing the same things as before, trying to have the same cheerfulness.

You are now hunting a werewolf in a remote town in a state you don't even remember. Your body is weak, you haven't eaten anything Dean has brought you in the last three days taken at the various fast food restaurants and bars he had found along the way, and what little you had put in your mouth had gone down the drain shortly thereafter, hating yourself just for having the idea that you could eat something. You feel your eyelids as heavy as shutters, the muscles in your body are nonexistent, and what few are left ache from the mere effort of standing and walking, while your head throbs incessantly.

In this you are scouting around where the last victims had been killed, to see if you can find any more information, but so far you have not had much success, so you decided to split up.

You are barely holding the flashlight in your hand, too heavy for you, when you feel a sudden dizziness that forces you to lean against the wall. You stay a few minutes trying to catch your breath, eyes closed, breathing in the cool night air around you, when you hear a noise coming from a short distance away from you, like a dog growling. With difficulty you open your eyes and see before you a sight that is frightening to say the least: the werewolf you were looking for is looking at you ravenously, while a dark laughter rumbles from his belly to his mouth. Quickly you try to pick up the phone to call Dean or Sam, but unfortunately your mind is so clouded that you can't even do simple things like this and the phone slips out of your hands to the monster's feet.

"The Winchesters' little friend!" He says, seeing who you were trying to contact. "I've heard a lot about you, among the monsters you are known as their true weakness: so small and helpless, you wouldn't even survive my bite, I'll do you a favor and eat your miserable heart." He continues as he gets closer, and you do whatever comes to your chin at this moment, as you feel death coming slowly but comfortingly too, like an old friend you haven't seen in a long time. You scream Sam and Dean's name as loud as you can, hoping that at least one of them can hear you, your lungs aching from how much breath you had to use and your throat burning from the effort as you feel your strength failing.

You lean back against the wall again, this time with your back, and let yourself slide down to the floor, as your vision goes completely black and your ears become plugged as when you go too deep underwater, and the world seems more and more distant. You have one last flicker of life before you pass out completely in that dark alley, at the mercy of that monster, and you hear Sam's voice call out your name for a moment.

Your heart loses a beat, and then completely dark.

You awaken with a jump and a gasp as you sit up on the bed on which someone has carried you. Your head immediately begins to spin like a spinning top, and your vision fails again as you feel a warm hand settle on your shoulder and bring you back to lie down.

"Relax, you're safe now. It's okay." Says in a low, soft tone a rough voice, leading back to Sam. You, shocked to know he is there next to you, open your eyes with difficulty and find yourself lying on the bed in your room, in the bunker, as you see him kneeling beside your bed. His face shows the weariness he feels, but in his eyes shines a strange hope as he looks at you mixed with sadness. You place your gaze on the rest of the room and see your favorite chair, where you usually sit to read your books or do your research when you are tired of sitting in the library, covered with blankets and pillows, making you realize that your favorite giant has been sleeping there for what seems to be even more than a couple of days, otherwise everything looks the same, unchanged, and strangely everything now seems to make more sense with the presence of Sam and some of his things in the room. Immediately you slap yourself in the face at that thought, reminding yourself that he hates you, and that the reason he is here is because Dean will have had better things to do than watch you sleep.

You're about to tell him that he can leave, and leave you alone, knowing that he doesn't even want to be in the same room with you, as he has shown recently, and that in case his brother asks you, you won't tell him, but he beats you to the punch and starts talking.

"First of all I want to say I'm sorry, you don't even know how much, and I certainly understand if you never forgave me in your life, because I wouldn't forgive myself." Sam says, as you see tears forming in his eyes. You try to stop him, confused as to why he was making that speech, but he stops you in turn and begs you to let him finish.

"We found you just in time, by "luck," if you can call it that, that asshole had decided to torture you a bit before eating your heart, and we got there before he could do it, but when Cas touched you to treat you he said he didn't know if you would survive anyway because your body was too weak since you hadn't eaten for too many days. Dean insulted me and even beat me up a bit before explaining the matter from his point of view." You can't help but widen your eyes, and Sam chuckles seeing your expression, as two tears run down his face, and he darkens a little again before continuing, without looking you in the eye.

"Yes, he also told me about Cas, and also about that affair with our father to make me understand why you decided to cover for him."

You close your eyes for a moment, expecting a series of insults, but you only feel his lips rest on your hand, so you open them again and see him leaning over the bed, as you feel his tears coming hot to contact your cold hand.

"Thank you." The boy confesses in a whisper. "Thank you for everything you did for Dean, thank you for always taking care of him when I couldn't or was too blind and stupid to, I don't deserve to have you in my life."

You can't find the words, and so you do the only thing you can think of this moment, and you take his hand and squeeze it, while barely smiling at him.

"We will always have helped each other, you remember. Then Dean will be your brother, but it's like he's my brother too." You say as you pull his face up and force him to look into your eyes. You see him cry even harder, a few sobs escaping his lips, as he squeezes your hand even tighter.

"I'm sorry, I promised I would always protect you, and instead I was so stupid and jealous that I didn't realize what I was doing." He tells you again, only to stop for a moment and look at you this time with a resolve he lacked until a few seconds ago. "Why did you stop eating? How come you covered your mirror in the bathroom? Dean found the remains of the one from before in the garage, thought you didn't like it and got a new one, so he changed it for you."

Immediately you remember, one night in a rage after looking at yourself in the mirror for the umpteenth time, you had started punching it until it had become nothing but stardust under your bleeding fingers, and the next day when you had returned from your walk with the dog, you had found a new one, with a note from Dean who had said that seeing that you had taken it off, thinking that you didn't like it anymore, he had bought a new one, so realizing that you couldn't escape that vicious cycle and knowing that if it happened one more time it would arouse even more suspicion, you had simply covered it up, and hoped that no one would ever learn of that dirty secret, and instead, here it all was for all to see.

You look at Sam in those damned puppy-dog eyes of his, and burst into desperate weeping. He, seeing you in this state, instinctively picks you up and holds you in his arms.

"I disgust myself Sam." You finally manage to utter those damn words, and immediately you feel as if your soul lightens as you feel his arms grip your body even tighter as if you could disappear at any moment, and at the same time he does it with an innate delicacy, as if it were a precious crystal figurine that can be broken under his gaze. "I'm disgusted by my body, I'm disgusted by every single thing about me, and you're disgusted by it too, don't lie to me. I thought if I lost weight things would get better, but they don't, I feel worse and worse." You continue, while somehow trying to get away from him.

"In what sense would you disgust me? When would I have ever said such a thing?" He asks confusedly as he looks at you, tears have dried on his face. His eyes range and seem to want to imprint your every little detail in his memory. His gaze makes you blush as you try to find the words to tell him how his words have done nothing but unleash a storm that had long been locked up somewhere inside you and was just waiting to be released. So you take a deep breath and tell him everything, while he looks at you attentively and astonished, his arms still around his body, as if he needs reminding that you are there beside him, and that you are not just a product of his mind.

You tell him everything, every little thing you had felt hearing his words while you were locked in that damn bathroom, your feelings and emotions in the month to follow, along with all the thoughts and all the actions you had put in place in the hope that he would no longer hate you, and that maybe you would hate yourself less, too. He starts crying again, and hides his face in the crook of your neck.

You stay a few minutes clasped to each other, in silence, after you have poured your heart out in front of him, ready to suffer the consequences, when he takes your face in his hands and stares at you steadily with those chocolate-colored eyes of his, and for a moment you feel your breath short.

"Don't ever think of such a thing again. Never. You are perfect exactly as you are, there is nothing I would change about you, there is nothing I don't love about you." At his words you stand still, as if petrified, afraid that a single movement of yours could mean the breaking of this beautiful illusion. "Yes, I am tired of holding all this in, I love you, I love you so much that I am sick just thinking about not having you near me for a second, I love you so much that I would have been ready to kill my brother for stealing the girl I love all my life, I love you so much that I would be ready to climb the highest mountain in the world and scream it to everyone!" He continues as he stands up on the bed, and begins to move his arms quickly, just enough to make you laugh. At the sound of your laughter he turns to look at you, and smiles even more, to return next to you on his knees and cup your face in his hands. "I love every little, tiny thing about you madly. I'm crazy, crazy in love, and I was a fool because I was so convinced that getting away from you would be better for you, that I didn't realize that you were suffering because of me, and I'm sorry. On the one hand I would like to let you go and make you happy, but on the other hand I am an extremely selfish being and I only want you for myself." He continues as he rests his forehead on yours, whispering the last words. "I love you, and I'm sorry."

You look at him, and not even realizing what you are doing, you take his face in your hands and bring his lips to yours. The kiss you exchange arises as sweet and gentle, like two flames dancing in an elegant dance side by side, testing each other's reaction, in the same way your lips move over each other, slowly tasting that new sensation. You feel her soft lips caressing yours, until neither of you has a single breath left.

"I love you too if you hadn't realized it idiot." You comment making him laugh. "I love you, and for so long I would have preferred not to because it made me sick, yet I could do nothing but love you. The only reason that kept me alive was my love for you, even though it was also my poison." You continue by looking into his eyes, and you see the pain in his.

"If you forgive me, I will do everything to correct what I have done." He looks at you, with a penitent and pleading gaze, as he takes your hands in his, before you release one and place it on his right cheek, and he instinctively leans into your hands, seeking that simple contact.

"I've already forgiven you moron." She laughingly comments, before throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him again, but this time the air in the room is different. The atmosphere becomes more erotic and intriguing. You feel his hands carefully explore your body, running his hands down your sides from your breasts to your butt, where he rests his large, warm hands, before slipping them under your T-shirt and caressing the skin of your back, making you shiver. You feel his hand rise higher and higher to the level of your bra and undo the hook that held it, but then he stops. Parting your lips he looks into your eyes for a second.

"If you don't feel up to it it's perfectly fine honey, we can stop here-"Sam says unsure, but you stop him.

"Afraid it's too much for you Winchester?" You ask as you raise your eyebrows, and see him smile, before resting his lips on yours, then creating a trail of kisses from your mouth to the chest exposed by the shirt you are wearing, down your neck.

"God, how I've missed you." He comments between kisses, but then stops again and looks at you seriously. "Anyway, I wasn't kidding myself, if you don't feel comfortable we can stop here."

You look at him, in his eyes only the pure affection and love you feel for him, and then put an end to all his doubts.

"I want to do it Sam." You say in a whisper as you take the bottom of his shirt with your hands and slowly slip it off, thus also dropping the bra he had unfastened a few minutes ago. "I want to do it with you Sam."

He looks at you and doesn't let you tell him twice, and he resumes his attack on your neck, leaving obvious signs of his passage, and then moves on to your breasts.

"God, you're perfect." He whispers before teasing one of your nipples. You moan softly at that sensation, feeling his teeth clench, his lips kiss and his tongue lick every single inch of your body, worshipping you like a goddess, a queen, tasting every inch of your skin.

This wonderful moment is interrupted, however, by the unannounced entrance of Dean, who, seeing the scene of his brother splayed across your body as he kisses your breasts, and with one hand explores the rest of your body, while you clutch his long hair in your hands, moaning his name shamelessly, lets out a small scream, before closing the door again.

"Damn you guys could warn." Comments the older brother, as Sam with speed grabs a blanket to cover you.

"Should we announce? You're the one who entered the room unannounced!" Sam replies in turn, making an expression that makes you laugh. "You can still come in now jerk."

"Bitch." Dean retorts, to open the bedroom door again and have a stupid grin plastered on his face. "So, I see Sam hasn't exactly figured out how to talk and resolve a situation, usually the mouth should be free to talk, not busy sucking-"

"You try to say one more Winchester word and I'll tell everyone about Christmas with Cindy McWood." You threaten him, and see him whiten, before his smile returns to its former self.

"Well what can I say in that case guys, good conversation and be sure to use protection, I'm not ready to be an uncle." He says closing the door behind him, then opening it again. "Not that I wouldn't make a great uncle, but I would say I'm too young and then-"

"Out!" You and Sam scream in unison, and the only thing Dean does is give you the finger before walking away. The two of you stand still for a moment weighing what just happened and burst out laughing, before Sam's lips find yours again.

"Where were we?" He asks you next, and you can't help but smile and moan at feeling his lips on you again.

It's shaping up to be a very interesting night, long but interesting, and you know that in the end maybe by tomorrow morning you can slowly look at yourself in the mirror, seeing the reflection of the man you love behind you supporting you.

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@supernatural-lvr @itzdarling @newtdumbledoorstarksoot @evansstan-akya

#hauntedwitch04's writing #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x reader smut #sam winchester smut #sam winchester x plus size reader #sam winchester x reader #dean winchester x plus size reader #dean x castiel #supernatural x reader #supernatural #dean winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #sam winchester #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester imagine #becky's favorite #castiel x dean #castiel novak

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transmutationisms · 3 months ago

Note

is there actual proof there's a genetic component to alcoholism? I've been searching and most articles I've read seem to agree it accounts for about half of your predisposition. I'm both skeptical and worried I might be going too far in my questioning to the point of denying science

genetic variants play a role in alcoholism. this is a decently readable overview on the topic from 2013. there are a few main points that should be clarified when discussing this.

often when people ask about this, they're thinking of genetic variants that affect a person's psychology, something like an inherited and inescapable 'addictive personality'. this is not really borne out by the research. as the paper above points out, the strongest genetic effects wrt the development of alcoholism are due to genes that change how we metabolise alcohol. having genes that make your alcohol metabolism more physically unpleasant in various ways (for example, you may have heard of so-called 'asian flushing syndrome') generally lowers the chances you will drink lots of alcohol, and thus lowers the chances you will qualify for a dx of alcohol use disorder. it's not a perfect protection; the paper also notes that, for example, businessmen exposed to cultural and economic pressures to drink heavily were more likely to do so even if they carried the normally protective genes. so, these aren't genes that control our behaviour directly or change our personalities; what we're seeing is largely the result of the fact that people like to do things that feel good, and if drinking makes you feel like hell, you are in general less likely to do it a lot.

this paper, and many papers on this topic, also mentions twin studies and adoptee studies to back up the claim that alcoholism is partially genetically determined. keep in mind that these studies are very hard to control for economic confounding factors, because even with adoptees, genetic siblings are also disproportionately likely to be adopted into families of a similar economic class. this is a general sticking point in a lot of genetics research.

many of the genetic variations believed to contribute to alcoholism are identified by studying families with multiple diagnosed alcoholics. this is tricky because it again has a lot of confounding factors; it identifies broad regions of the genome that then have to be broken down into more detailed analyses; and there are causation-correlation questions in this approach. some of the genes identified by these types of studies have replicated; many have not.

genomes and epigenetic variation are just extremely complicated. that doesn't mean the research isn't worthwhile, but understand that these types of questions turn up hundreds or thousands of potentially relevant genes, whose functions are often completely unknown, and which may be up- or down-regulated in ways no one understands. there are a lot of points of uncertainty between asking "do genes influence alcoholism" and generating an actual working list of such genes. i wrote a little about some of the uncertainties associated with epigenetic research here.

alcoholism itself is, like any psychiatric dx, heterogeneous (there are many different ways to qualify for the dx and the judgments inherently include a degree of clinician subjectivity). so, and this is a problem with studying the genetics of any psychiatric dx and many physical ailments as well, we're not really talking about a single clinical or psychological entity, and thus to even say which genetic variations may contribute to developing it is already pretty dubious in its discursive formulation alone.

#hps

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kai-tus · 2 months ago

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@remikzthetherian

I figured I might try my hand at talking to you respectfully about endogenic systems, since I see most other people just get very angry and/or block you on sight.

For this post, my main sources will be pluralpedia.org (since it's the main wiki site for all kinds of system-related terms, disordered and non-disordered) and the DSM-5 criteria for DID/OSDD-1. (A diagnosis of OSDD-1a is given if criterion 1 of DID is not fully met/if the identity states are not fully distinct from each other. A diagnosis of OSDD-1b is given if criterion 2 of DID is not fully met/there is no dissociative amnesia. A diagnosis of OSDD-1 is given if neither criterion 1 nor 2 of DID are fully met.)

According to pluralpedia.org, there are generally five basic types of origins a system may have:

Adaptive: This encompasses all origin terms that pertain to one's system forming as a trauma response, including traumagenic.

Created: This includes all origin terms that pertain to one willingly creating their system, including willogenic.

Spontaneous: This includes all origin terms that pertain to one's system forming without any clear cause. These kinds of systems did not form from trauma nor were they intentionally created.

Unknown: This includes all origin terms that pertain to one not knowing how their system formed for any reason. It may also relate to one not wanting to share the origins of their system for any reason.

Mixed: This includes all origin terms that pertain to being in multiple of these categories in any way.

It's important to remember that one's understanding of their system is subject to change, and so is how they perceive their origins. For example, an Adaptive system may not remember their trauma, thus not knowing that that's why their system formed, so they temporarily label themselves in the Unknown category.

As for your accusation that all endos are radqueers, it's important to remember that not all endos willingly created their system in the first place, hence the fact that Adaptive and Created are not the only two categories of origins. And those who did willingly create their system would much more often use parogenic/willogenic or another term in the Created category that better fits their exact experience because of how widely the transplural label is avoided due to the negative connotations surrounding transIDs as a whole. A very large majority of endos don't want anything to do with THAT mess.

Now, moving on to the diagnostic criteria itself as it is in the Dsm-5:

"Disruption of identity characterized by 2 or more distinct personality states, which may be described in some cultures as an experience of possession. The disruption in identity involves marked discontinuity in sense of self and sense of agency, accompanied by related alterations in affect, behavior, consciousness, memory, perception, cognition, and/or sensory-motor functioning. These signs and symptoms may be observed by others or reported by the individual."

"Recurrent gaps in the recall of everyday events, important personal information, and/or traumatic events that are inconsistent with ordinary forgetting."

"The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning."

"The disturbance is not a normal part of a broadly accepted cultural or religious practice."

"The symptoms are not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance or another medical condition."

Simply put, criterion 1 requires at least two distinct states of identity that affect one's behavior and functioning, criterion 2 requires amnesia to occur due to switches between said identity states, criterion 3 requires that the plurality is disabling for a system, criterion 4 requires that the plurality is not caused by some sort of spiritual practice and/or was not willingly created as part of a spiritual practice, and criterion 5 requires that there be no other reasonable explanation for the changes in identity and behavior.

This is where a lot of anti-endos fail to prove their points, because not only does criterion 4 specifically mention the existence of tulpamancy/tulpagenic/parogenic/willogenic systems to exclude them from the criteria, and not only does criterion 3 mention that the plurality has to be disabling which implies the possibility that Adaptive systems can be non-disordered if their plurality isn't disabling, but the most important fact of all is that...

...the criteria does NOT specifically require trauma to be the cause. Which means, endogenic systems can be disordered. And that would mean they need the treatment just like any disordered Adaptive system would need treatment. Which means they're not faking and that they're not stealing resources from "people that actually need it" because they also need it. "DID is a trauma disorder" It is listed as a dissociative disorder in the DSM-5.

I think that's all I got to offer in the way of resources. I could offer our own experience with our plurality in addition. We are a Spontaneous system, non-disordered. Our system formed more specifically from the instability in our identity that came with our BPD, perhaps as a means of our brain trying to form a stable identity from an inherently unstable thing. We were not formed from trauma or created willingly, yet we are still here. And yet, we still see so many anti-endos only use Created systems in their arguments, and then they very very occasionally mention Unknown systems only to claim that they're actually Adaptive in denial, which is not true in all cases. But never does a Spontaneous system come up anywhere in their points. We did actually used to be anti-endo as well. For a very short while. During those months was when we were just barely starting to embrace the idea of being understanding of such diverse experiences, as well as realizing that we were also plural. So at some point, we did our own research. We learned not as much as we know now, but enough to be supportive of endos. And we went back to our anti-endo friends at the time to share our findings with them. You might be able to guess that we were instantly met with hate and rejection because they weren't willing to listen, so we stopped talking to them and hung around more pro-endo spaces ever since.

Perhaps you learned something from this absolutely massive fucking rant. I'm not really sure you did, and I'm too tired to care. I've been typing this for almost three hours. But, here's to hoping anyways. I hope I could make any kind of difference or maybe even foster some kind of understanding between you and I. Or even between you and endos. It could be a start, and I'm happy with that for now :]

#pro endo #endogenic #endogenic system

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reasonsforhope · 1 year ago

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Researchers from Western and Brown University have made groundbreaking progress towards identifying the root cause and potential therapy for preeclampsia.

The pregnancy complication affects up to eight per cent of pregnancies globally and is the leading cause of maternal and fetal mortality due to premature delivery, complications with the placenta and lack of oxygen.

The research, led by Drs. Kun Ping Lu and Xiao Zhen Zhou at Western, and Drs. Surendra Sharma and Sukanta Jash at Brown, has identified a toxic protein, cis P-tau, in the blood and placenta of preeclampsia patients.

According to the study published in Nature Communications, cis P-tau is a central circulating driver of preeclampsia – a “troublemaker” that plays a major role in causing the deadly complication...

“The root cause of preeclampsia has (so far) remained unknown, and without a known cause there has been no cure. Preterm delivery is the only life-saving measure,” said Lu, professor of biochemistry and oncology at Schulich School of Medicine & Dentistry...

“Our study identifies cis P-tau as a crucial culprit and biomarker for preeclampsia. It can be used for early diagnosis of the complication and is a crucial therapeutic target,” said Sharma...

Until now, cis P-tau was mainly associated with neurological disorders like Alzheimer’s disease, traumatic brain injuries (TBI) and stroke. This association was discovered by Lu and Zhou in 2015 as a result of their decades of research on the role of tau protein in cancer and Alzheimer’s.

An antibody developed by Zhou in 2012 to target only the toxic protein while leaving its healthy counterpart unscathed is currently undergoing clinical trials in human patients suffering from TBI and Alzheimer’s Disease. The antibody has shown promising results in animal models and human cell cultures in treating the brain conditions.

The researchers were curious whether the same antibody could work as a potential treatment for preeclampsia. Upon testing the antibody in mouse models they found astonishing results.

“In this study, we found the cis P-tau antibody efficiently depleted the toxic protein in the blood and placenta, and corrected all features associated with preeclampsia in mice. Clinical features of preeclampsia, like elevated blood pressure, excessive protein in urine and fetal growth restriction, among others, were eliminated and pregnancy was normal,” said Sharma.

Sharma and his team at Brown have been working on developing an assay for early detection of preeclampsia and therapies to treat the condition. He believes the findings of this study have brought them closer to their goal...

“The results have far-reaching implications. This could revolutionize how we understand and treat a range of conditions, from pregnancy-related issues to brain disorders,” said Lu.

-via India Education Diary, September 22, 2023

#preeclampsia #maternal mortality #infant mortality #medical news #medical research #alzheimers #biology #pregnancy complications #good news #hope

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cripplecharacters · 6 months ago

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I'm not sure if I should treat this as an illness or a disability. I'm working on a character who has chronic hives, set in classic Tolkien fantasy. Given the setting, when he first starts flaring up he's marked as cursed by constant burns and is ostracized by society. Once his pain is manageable via temporary magic remedies he becomes a paladin determined to find his patron god and prove himself. She lovingly tells him he's not cursed, and together they work to de-stigmatize his appearance.

Hi lovely asker!

100% agree that chronic allergies and the many other things that come along with it count as a disability. They have knocked me down for day in the past, and doing simple everyday tasks like taking a shower or washing the dishes are things I put off for as long as I can as they're painful and end up knocking me down for the whole day.

One thing about chronic hives and reactions is you start to learn your triggers so you learn what to avoid. For most people, they have set triggers that your body recognizes as such and will alarm too. If you take something like Mastocytosis or MCAS, these disorders are characterized by the instability or abundance of the Mast Cell. And pretty much what this means is you could eat apples for your whole life and then one day your body goes "Hey, guess what I can do" and boom, your having a reaction because you are that apple. The part of this is, sometimes it'll be a one time thing and you can resume eating apples the next day, other times it'll be a forever or long time thing and now you can no longer eat apples. Deciding if you want unknown or idiopathic causes for your character's reactions but you could also specify exactly what (if he knows) he is allergic too.

I know some people (me) sometimes scar up when it comes to certain allergic reactions. That might be something to throw in as a lot of reactions even chronic ones tend to not show physically once you treat them. They can scar for a number of reasons as just from constant itching, friction, scabbing, blistering or a lot of reactions can get so bad that the surface layers of skin coming off isn't unheard of (I have a few scars from this personally). Sometimes the skin may harden around the area or gets tough, or sometimes there is discoloration too.

Also another thing I would show is even though he has remedies that treat him temporarily, a lot of times no matter how good your treatment regimen is every so often you'll have that break through reaction. These (in my experience) are usually the worst because if you don't have an emergency medication you can take them you just have to ride it out and hope the meds in your system do their job. This might be something that could happen even once he becomes a paladin and goes to find his patron god.

Another thing to research would be the effect of culture and religion when it comes to disabilities and the treatment of those people. In the Tolkien setting this would still apply as they have culture and religion etc. It already sounds like you have that part worked out but too much research never hurt anybody.

I really like how they both work together to get rid of the stigmatism at the end though. Especially for the character and the other characters in the story, it's always so lovely to see a change for the better like that! Happy writing!

~ Mod Virus 🌸

#mod virus #anonymous #chronic allergy conditions #allergies #hives

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romanestuffsposts · 2 years ago

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Can you do a Drabble of mafia stucky x little reader where they have a disorder where she gets low blood pressure spells and she has an episode when they take her to the office? 🥺🥺

Your account makes me feel small and safe ❤️❤️

Hi there! Of course 💜

I had a request like that before my account was delete and I don't know if it was you or not but i did some research on low blood pressure cause I wanted to write things right. I hope I made it okay and it looks like the reality of low blood pressure episodes. I didn't know what it was- no i'm lying. I knew what it was but I never made research on that before so Thank you for my general culture love ❤️

I'm happy that you feel like that about my account. it's to give these feelings that I started on this platform 🥰

Anyways, enjoy lovers <3

*****

Warnings : Low blood pressure episode, blood, scared reader, comfort, doctor, paci, cursing

Pairing : Mafia!Stucky x Daddy!Bucky x Papa!Steve x Little!Reader

Summary : ⬆️⬆️⬆️

A/N : thank you to be understandable if it is not perfect or not everything is realistic, I did my best with a subject that was unknown to me 💜

****

"Fucking hell" Steve curses under his breath as he rummages through his belongings and returns his office to try to find his folds "Steve watch your language" Bucky warns as he swings you on his hip

"Fucking he-" You start with a big smile at the new words you heard but your Daddy cuts you off with a finger against your lips "No" he shakes his head "that's one of the words you can't say, never. Understood ?" He says sternly

You nod and he moves his finger "what do we say now ?" he asks as he starts to swaying you again "I sowwy Daddy" You says and he shows you his smile making you giggle "Thank you, beautiful" he says kissing your nose

You rest your head on his shoulder and start to play with your Daddy's hair. Bucky turns his attention back to Steve "Can you please tell me what you're looking for ?" As he observes his husband, Bucky grabs your paci who was attached on your shirt and puts it in your mouth. Your Daddies have habits now, they hide the corner of the table when you hide under it and jump out to play so you wouldn't hurt yourself. They check fifthy times if the water of your bath isn't too hot for you without them noticing. Every time they walk around the house and step beside one of your stuffie, they would grab it and travel around the house with it until they rest your stuffie somewhere where you could easily find it. It's little attentions but you sure notice them

"I can't find my folds" Steve groans throwing on the ground the papers he has in his hand. You frown when you notice that you hear badly your Papa talking. Is it because your ear is against your Daddy's shoulder ? Probably. You don't really pay attention to that, it's grown-up problems, none of that for you right now

"what folds ?" Bucky frowns. They were at work all day and were working on important folds but Steve got distracted about a phone call and when he gets back to grab his jacket to go home, he completly forgot his folds at work, in his and Bucky's office. Even if Steve knows he forgot them at work, he still wish he can find them in their office at home.

"The one I have to do for tomorrow. We have an important meeting with investors tomorrow afternoon and I have to read and prepare the folds tonight. If I don't have them, we can't do the meeting and we'll lose a lot of money and I don't think you want to lose that much money" He says talking fast as he keeps throwing the papers away

"Steve you obviously forgot it at work" Bucky rolls his eyes making you giggle. Your Daddy always make funny face when he notices you look at him so you would giggle and he loves hearing those sounds when they come out of your mouth

Right after giggling, your face frowns once again as you barely heard your own sound. You heard your Daddies talking but you felt the exact same thing that you felt when your Papa were talking earlier. You simply shake that feeling away and you concentrate again on your Daddy's hair.

Steve sighs "I clearly don't want to go back to work. We promised her we'll go in the parc today before it's getting too dark. She needs to go out and plays, she needs to move those little legs around and somewhere else than home" Bucky looks at you and sees you still concentrate on his hair. he looks back a Steve "We'll go to the parc, we have times. It will take us twenty minutes to go grab the folds so you'll have what you need and she'll have what she wants" he says caressing your cheek with his finger. You smile looking up at your Daddy's face

"Stop worrying, please. You're going to worry her and then i'll be frustrate and we'll all have a bad evening so let's not do that" Bucky says and Steve snorts "Okay I give in, you win" He sighs getting up from the ground "I'm sorry, i'm what ?" Bucky smirks and Steve laughs pushing his shoulder. The movement of pushing made you move too and you feel a wave of nausea running up your belly

Fortunately for you, before you say something to your Daddies about that, the feeling is gone and you just throw it away, maybe it's the vegetable you eat at dinner. It's never good those things anyways so it's probably that

Your Daddy puts you on the ground and you whimper letting your paci fall from your mouth. You lift your arms back up to be carried by your Daddy but he kneels beside you "I can't carry you all day, baby" he says kissing your nose "you need to exercice your legs before running around the parc" he smiles and you nod trying to hide your pout "Otay, Daddy"

"Thank you, little one" he kisses your temple and stands up. You grab his T-shirt before he walks away making him turn around "Can I twy to put my soes lone, pwease ?" You ask shyly and he nods winking "of course, princess but if you can't do it call us"

"pwomise, Daddy" You say running happily to find your shoes

-----------------------------------------

Your Papa opens your car door and he lifts you up to puts you back on the ground just after. While your Papa closes the door behind you, you rest your hand on the car beside you as a dizziness is erupting in your head. You feel this feeling traveling around your eyes to the back of your throat without forgetting the smallest recesses of your head.

You blink hard as your vision got blurred. You feel your Papa holding your shoulders and pushes you forward so you'll start walking. You whimper and turn around, you look up and lift your arms to your papa who only shake his head "I won't carry you, sweetness. I agree with Daddy, you need to use those little legs of yours" he smiles grabbing your hand "either way they couldn't carry you to the kitchen when you're hungry" he teases and you give in.

You walk beside your Papa, your grip on his hand is tight, you're scared cause you don't see well and you still feel dizzi. The fast steps of your Papa isn't helping you but you know they are in a hurry so you just shut your mouth and go along with the hurry of your Daddie.

Once you three walk inside the big building, Steve hands you at Bucky and he starts to go faster toward the stairs "why Papa didn took the eleva ?" You ask your Daddy

"because he want to be quick so he decides to run up the stairs" he says before frowning and gazes back down at you "but that's not something you can do. You can not run in the stairs, never. Understood ?" You look up at him and nod "Yes Daddy"

He smiles down at you and calls the elevator. He runs his fingers on your hand who is still in his as you both wait the elevator to arrive. You always repeat the sound the elevator does when he warns that he is here. However, you didn't made any sounds this time which confuse your Daddy. He looks down at you as he walks inside, he almost has to drag you in the elevator "baby are you alright ?" he asks looking down at you once the door are close

He clicks on the button of their office's floor and get his attention back down at you "beautiful ?" He kneels before you and his eyes widen when he sees your face "Babydoll, your nose is bleeding" he says shocked as he grabs your cheeks to have a better look of your face

"M not feeling well, daddy" you quietly say as you battle yourself to keep your eyes open. Bucky frowns "where does it hurt, baby ?" he asks. Before you can answer, you feel your body letting you down and the panic inside you is getting bigger. Your Daddy is quick to grab you before you fall on the ground "fucking hell" He curses, he stands up once the door opens and when he turns around to leave the elevator, he sees Steve with the folds in his hands. The smile on his face disappears when he looks at the view infront of him. His blood runs cold and he lets the folds falling on the ground "Buck ?" he rushes inside the elevator "What happened ? Is she hurt ? Did she fell ? What the hell is happening ?!" he says panicking.

"Steve, I don't know what she has but I do know that we need to keep our calm for her. She can't have us panicked. She needs us right now and we'll be there for her" he says trying to calm his husband "Call the doctor and tell him to meet us at home, right now"

------------------------------------------------------------

"how is she ?" Bucky asks finally allowing himself to worry "is it serious ?" Steve asks behind Bucky.

They quickly took you back at home and made sure to keep an eye on you. Steve never left your side in the car, he sat in the back seat so he could have you in his arms the whole time. Bucky kept eyeing the backseat from the mirror in the car to make sure you were fine. He puts all his strengh in his body to stop his hands from shaking

"she had a drop in her blood pressure. That's what caused her nosebleed. It's possible that she had warning signs like dizziness or nausea. She may have felt sick or confused or maybe weak. It's also possible that she didn't feel anything coming and that it happened like that" Doctor Martin says

"What can we do about that ?" Bucky asks "I mean, do we have to get her medications or bringing her to the hospital ? Cause we'll do it if we need to" Bucky says and Steve agrees quickly

‘’Well, no need to go to the hospital just yet, but keep an eye on her. She only has to do it slowly when she is sitting down and about to get up. She should be careful not to get up too quickly when getting out of bed or whenever getting up from a lying position. It's better if she lays down or sits for a long time right after eating." He says looking at your Daddies "She can increase the amount of water she drinks too"

Steve nods "Alright, thank you doctor. We'll take care of her, we promise" Bucky goes back in your room while Steve walks the doctor out of the house

"Hi there, beautiful" Bucky smiles when he sees you turning his head toward him "how are you feeling ?" he asks sitting on the bed beside you "M tiwed and I don know what is happening" You mumble frowning. Your Daddy caresses your forehead "I know, doll. But we're here to make you feel better. It's just a bad moment that we need to get over with" he says kissing her temple

You nod as your Papa walks in the room with a glass of water in his hands. He smiles "I got you something to drink, sweetness" He says sitting on the other side of the bed. You shake your head when he goes to sit you. He stops his movement "you're not thirsty ?"

You shake your head again and he sighs "Okay but you'll drink this glass of water before bedtime" You nod "I pwomise, Papa"

Your Daddy gives you your stuffie and put your paci in your mouth "Let's make it comfy" He whispers and Steve goes soften the light before laying back down beside you

"No pawc ?" You ask and Your Daddies shake their head "No, baby. We'll go to the parc when you'll feel better, we promise" Says your Papa and you nod again trying to not be too sad

"But we're here and we'll go slowly, step by step" Your Daddy says lifting your chin. "And you know what it means ?" You shake your head before gazing up your daddy "It means we'll play a lot together and have a lot of cuddles infront of the tv or during the night until late in the morning" He brings his closer to yours "because we take a break from work to watch you and take care of you" He smiles pocking your nose with his

You smile "weally ?" Your Papa chuckles "yes, sweetie. We won't leave you" You smile bigger

"cuddles now ?" You shyly ask bitting your lips. Steve kisses your cheek as Bucky wraps his arms around you "we'll cuddle you until the end of the world" He whispers kissing your ear

"We love you, our sweet and beautiful baby"

"I love you too, daddies"

#@aagn360 #daddy!bucky #daddies!stucky #stucky x little reader #little!reader #little space #bucky barnes x steve rogers x little reader #bucky barnes #steve rogers #bucky x little!reader #steve x little!reader #comfort #scared #episode

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thecreepycrawlersss · 2 months ago

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INTRO ! !

hiii !!! we’re the creepy crawlers ^_^ we use they/it prns, and we’re a traumaendo neurobased willobased soulbased cephaconscious DID system :3 (origin of plurality is trauma and DID, but not all headmates r traumagenic)

we’re collectively queer and ambimarous, we are physically disabled, we have autism + adhd, BPD, and MaDD !! we’re also possibly somewhere on the schizospec. our system is masc heavy, and also nonhuman heavy due to our autism and trauma

we’re also all pagan and witches ! we’re open to working with all pantheons (except closed ones) and practicing any forms of magick. we’re self described as an eclectic pagan + chaos witch :) we’re also currently going through the process of learning abt an unknown pantheon so we will also be active in conpantheon and PCP (pop culture paganism) communities. we worship Loki and Dionysus, and are currently working with Lucifer !

my dni is zionists, anti endos / sysmeds, queerphobes, racists, ableists, ageists, etc etc basic dni shit, fake claimers, anyone on fake disorder cringe or system cringe, sh and ed blogs, trump supporters, nsfw blogs, mdni blogs

idc if rq’s interact as i am completely neutral on the community

here’s our socials !!

1NSAMN1A on reddit

thecreepycrawlers on simplyplural

thecreepycrawlersss on discord

we also have a build a headmate blog called @creepybah

here are our fronting tags ! (will be adding more soon)

#samuel🧿

@melancholic-mutt

hiii im samuel, our main host !! i use he/it and am a queer genderqueer trans man :) my interests are art, animation, music, magick / paganism, leftism, activism, fashion, and psychology ! im not really good at intros so sorry if this sucked haha

#malachite🧿

@bird-mans-blog

hello !!! im malachite, one of this systems co-hosts. i use he/it/shi/lyr/they, im a aromantic libramasculine xenogender user, and im a fictive + gametive ?? gamegenic ?? idk + songtive !! my sources are slay the princess, the princess, the hero, the voices, and the narrator, and a slay the princess kitchen fork amv on youtube :3 ask before source talk and source mates are okay ! i am also not good at intros but unlike sam i will not apologize ☝🏻

#fern🧿

#eli🧿

@elis-little-scrapbook

hiii!! im eli, i use he/him, and im a little!!! i love gravity falls and sammy is my big brother :) idk what gender i like but i know that im a boy

#dijon / mag🧿

@zombie-postinggg

hello. im a new alter. names r dijon & mag, use it/xe/they/zomb/dead/brain prns, & am a corpsegender zombiething aroace.. im traumaorma and a trauma holder.

im so new that i dont know what i like, so i will add to this later.

#steven🧿

@steven-pluraverse

Hey! I’m Steven, I use he/they/star/she, I’m a fictive from SU, and I’m a musicnaut and timekeeper. I’m a pansexual stargender catgender aliencatgender andersatyr transmasc :)

PLEASE ask before source talk. I have exomemories and kind of! Don’t! Want to talk about all my trauma! Source mates are all okay but if you’re like.. a diamond. Or something. That might be a bit more... Yk.

#blurry / unknown🧿

#samuel🧿#pagan #pagansim #paganblr #eclectic pagan #witchcraft #witchblr #chaos witch #conpantheon #pop culture paganism #plural #plurality #endo safe #anti endo dni #plural community #pluralpunk #traumaendo #mixed origin system

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havocdream · 4 months ago

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Unheard and Unseen - Prelude

Summary: In the heart of the Republic Senate on Coruscant, a young senator shakes the stability of the government by presenting a bill that threatens the plans of hundreds of powerful individuals in the galaxy. Given the risk on her life while the bill remains in dispute, the bad batch are assigned as the new team in charge of the senator's security. And despite the political differences between the squad sergeant and the senator, which fill their working relationship with tension and complications, soon they will realize that in a galaxy full of injustices and horrors, the existence of the other can offer a little light to the most powerless. And, perhaps, even for each other.

Read the end of prelude for notes! Read on AO3 (with more chapters uploaded)

Year 7.556 CRC, fifth month, sixteenth day.

Official record number thirty-four of the Druad case, in matter of use as evidence before the Supreme Court of Justice, and the Galactic Senate of the Republic.

Sixteen years ago, the planet Druad, which was not yet considered within the explored border areas of our galaxy, already harbored advanced and intelligent forms of life thanks to its vast and undisturbed ecosystems, covering approximately eighty-five percent of the planet, according to its first historical record.

Fifteen years have passed since its inclusion in the official records of the galaxy, but also since its refusal to be part of the network of planets of the Republic, who granted its self-sufficiency and signed an agreement of no occupation, neither cultural nor political, with the then druadan authorities. Druad was included in the galaxy as an independent planet, though not hostile to civilian or political visitors.

However, in 7.543 CRC, the arrival of Senate members to the planet coincided with the most important scientific revelation in their history, the discovery of the now known thusten, named originally drulium by the druadan, the strongest metal on record to date. A metal of Druad’s property, which its natives refused to negotiate with the Republic because of its unaffiliation with it, and the scarcity of such material.

The first hearing in the Senate about this metal was born two months after the return of these members, in which the possibility of negotiating with the druadan in exchange for the thusten was discussed. Since then, until the ninth month of the year 7.545 CRC, a hundred and twelve hearings were held on the negotiation or, and I highlight, the appropriation of thusten, a property belonging to a planet outside the network of the Republic, with no representation in the Senate and, mainly, that possessed an official treaty of autonomy.

On 7.545 CRC, the ninth month, third day, the palace of the elderly authorities of Druad was besieged by unknown forces, which caused a fire that claimed the lives of every person and object within it, including the young heirs to the planet’s throne and the independence treaty. Not a month of mourning occurred when representatives of the Republic visited the planet and found it in chaos, although no records are found to justify the reasons for visiting Druad at that time.

According to subsequent interviews with civilians of the planet, they did not know then about the existence of a treaty of autonomy of their planet or have heard anything about a galactic network of government of which their regents refused to participate. It is possible that the representatives of the Republic knew this as soon as they arrived, and so they suggested to these citizens to place one of them in the position of regency.

By 7.548 CRC, Druad was included as a member of the planets of the Republic, year in which the allocation of funds for the extraction and export of thusten to different planets of the Republic was approved. However, in two years of the validity of such law, the collection of metal was, barely, of twenty thousand tons, able to build only walls of thirteen feet for one hundred houses on five planets. Far from what their senators promised their citizens.

According to one of the official records of the Senate hearings of the same year, the decline of the metal was due to the fact that the vast majority of this had already been used for infrastructure and industry of Druad. The residences, transports, factories and others had been built with the star material, and little remained to be extracted.

But, according to subsequent interviews with druadan factory workers of those times, six years ago a team of scientists from various planets arrived to be instructed in every aspect of the thusten. They were told the reason was to find alternate ways to study the soil with Coruscant technology to find more of the material, even though the druadan were the experts on such topic.

Four years ago, Druad’s largest factory, which at rush hour housed up to twelve thousand individuals, suffered a gas leak that resulted in an explosion that although failed to damage thusten infrastructure, claimed the lives of thousands of druadan within a week. The rescue teams were slow to neutralize the threat. None of the scientists appointed by the Republic were in the town hall that fateful day.

Three years ago, the regent of Druad passed the command to another representative of the Republic, who formed a cabinet of state with figures from various planets, except from Druad. According to subsequent interviews with druadan civilians, the concept they held about the authorities of their planet didn’t conceive at all that they were made up of so many individuals from outside the planet. Most thought that more than one druadan was part of the council, for the only face they saw was that of the so-called Excellency.

That same year, the Senate approved the project that prioritized the excavation of thusten, which was now officially classified as property of the Republic. Subsequent interviews with druadan civilians revealed that the communication networks that keep most of the Republic’s planets informed were never provided to the citizens of Druad, so the news about the decisions made on their planet never reached them.

In 7.454 CRC, two years ago, the Jedi Order carried out a visit to Druad, in the matter of, according to their record, an inconsistency of balance, perhaps coherence, between the data recorded and what their sources reported to them. The masters in charge of the mission were Obi-Wan Kenobi and Quinlan Vos, who conducted a thorough exploration of the former palace of the legitimate regents and found a series of tunnels leading to several bunkers housing cultural relics of great importance to the druadan leaders. Within these objects, a copy of the old treaty of autonomy was found, which prohibited the Republic from invading, in any political matter, druadan lands. Both Jedi masters presented a motion in their Jedi Council to stop the intervention of the Republic on an independent planet. The Council exhorted the Senate to abide by the treaty signed unanimously many years before the discovery of thusten, which established that it had permanent effects unless a member of the druadan ruling dynasty agreed to be part of the Republic’s network. With all the members of the ruling family extinct, such scenario would be impossible.

Such decision was made by the Supreme Chancellor and did not pass Senate votes. The process of withdrawal of all agents of the Republic in Druad was approved and would be obeyed once a native regent was chosen through elections, which presented numerous setbacks due to the creation of representative houses and execution of proposals by each candidate, which were, of course, supervised by the still foreign regents.

Year 7.555 CRC, just one month after the attack of the Confederation of Independent Systems on Geonosis, which marked the beginning of the current war, droid forces invaded the planet of Druad under the command of Krax Bena, a separatist warlord from the planet Jovaki. This invasion forced thousands of druadan to flee their homes and seek refuge in scattered places on the planet. Bena’s forces seized the invaded thusten territories and proceeded to dismantle these sites and export the material.

Druad, still being a member planet of the Republic, got approval from the Senate for the occupation of the planet by clone forces in the name of the defense of civilians and the resources of the allied planet, although there was no request for help or rejection initially by any native. The number of clone troopers sent to Druad is equivalent to two hundred thousand and five hundred thousand men against a similar estimated number of droids opening fire to, according to each party’s records, obtain and protect the thusten.

Today, a recent exploration of the planet reports that mines prone to containing thusten have been almost empty for years. Ecosystems cover only twenty percent of the planet, due to constant fires caused by firearms and explosives that both armies continue using without stopping. The civilians of Druad have fled to places so scattered that it is not possible to obtain a record of the true population of natives, which once amounted to sixty million and now barely reaches ten million.

Jedi master Grel Deral was sent to Druad to handle separatist hostility with his military unit, but after months of siege the results show no progress on the road to a surrender or takeover of the planet, but more destruction of lands and deaths of druadan and clones.

Against this background, I enclose a series of interviews with Druad civilians along with the copy of Druad’s autonomy treaty, as well as comparative photographs between the planet’s past and its views today. All as material to serve the audience I submit this day to put a ceasefire on Druad, the negotiation with the Confederation of Independent Systems and the immediate withdrawal of any alien presence to safeguard the resources and life of a planet that should never have been part of the conflicts of this Galactic Republic.

Proposal submitted in Coruscant to the Supreme Court of Justice by Vintra Selana. Senator from Ederon.

So, I have some heads up regarding this story that I think are worth mentioning.

First, this is a very long fic, because it’s mainly politics. I really wanted to write a piece of work very centered in political opinions, procedures and of course the huge dilemma with corruption and abuse of power. I felt the need to speak up my mind regarding some issues with this fucked up world, and wanted to create a character that could help me release some frustrations that I have for not having people like that in the governments of the world. Especially because I live in a country that’s in the first stages of a dictatorship, and have seen a lot (A LOT) of shit from politicians and people in power like business owners or corrupt journalists. It’s fucking disgusting and infuriating to feel powerless against them, so I ran to the only tool I have to ease my mind and heart a little bit: writing.

Second, this is a Hunter fic because he’s my crush and I love some romance. But… it’s a very slow burn. My character is a politician that opposes war and he’s a soldier, so of course there is a problem there and I think a strong stance on those two ideals are hard to take down if they clash. I can’t say there isn’t much romance, but I’m more focused on the development of the senator. Her fight means a lot to me and also the attempts on her life that try to take her down and shut her mouth for standing on the right place. And since she and Hunter don’t like each other at first, well there’s not gonna be a lot of fluff at the beginning right.

Third, as you might notice, english is not my mother language. I’ll try my best to be clear but if you notice some mistakes, whether in grammar or punctuation (especially in dialogues, since it’s a different format from spanish), I’ll appreciate the help!

With that said, I’d really like to know your opinion and expectations from this story. It’s been a while since I write something, and it’s the first time it’s from star wars. Also, it’s my first time posting in AO3. I apologize if the rustiness is a little bit evident on the writing and descriptions, but I feel good coming back to one of my favorite hobbies.

Thank you for taking a look! :)

Chapter One -> You won't find a better squadron

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